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#it's 3am but this is more important
wickmitz · 20 days
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— THE ELECTRIC-FEVER REMEDY.
#my posts.#lackadaisy#my art.#thinking about … rocky ‘winning’#in the sense that mitzi ends up completely alone and can only rely on his help to keep lackadaisy afloat …#making him irreplaceable — finally! and wick is nowhere to be seen to save the day anymore … so it’s just him#and maybe mitzi’s miserable and he’s miserable but he doesn’t care about it really … he’s just happy to be important … essential … etc#mitzi has shrunk and she’s become blurry and faceless because rocky is indulging in his victory#is too busy internally celebrating to really. notice her. so she’s small and disproportionate … murky …#AHEM! since i can’t write about my mitzi/rocky feelings i’ll art about it ( very quickly lmfao )#i just think rocky’s obsession with mitzi and being the person she relies on most is something he takes to extremes#and will continue to do so the way his arc is going. there’s not much left for him outside of ‘this’ anyway … or so he believes#i also think they will continue to drag each other down …#rocky doomed by the narrative and mitzi IS that narrative. they’re fucked but at least they have each other i suppose!!!#i have so many more thoughts and ofc this is more metaphorical …#but i do think. about the darkness around the corner for the two of them … hm! anyway! yeah!#rocky rickaby#mitzi may#wrote up these tags and drew this at like 3am to 5am so thats why i sound crazy#OH and the lines are from the bunnybox page in the comic <3 where he compares her to drugs twice <3#totally NOT a really bad sign im sure!! that would be silly :3
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thedreadvampy · 3 months
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Cannot imagine whatever is going on through Mr Leonard Echowatcher's head. You spend your life yearning for a world where you lived differently, where the day wasnt soaked in war, blood, and battle. Where you could envision a future where you have a partner and a family with friends to live gracefully with. But then you are given such opportunities only to find you were never taught to be gentle, you have a gentle, empathetic nature and yet the physicality of it is a stranger to you. You are expected to raise a child with gentle hands so that she saves the world, What does that even mean? How can you accept your growing love for your friend when you were never taught how to love, that intimate love is a luxury best left forgotten, there are no need for such things in war. He has to learn to become the things he wanted bc he grew too old to develop it naturally. He becomes a father to taimi fumbling his way into learning how to care and parent, he is defensive of Aurene bc he is from a culture where they arent expected to raise their own young and yet has to do so with a dragon. It feels like a test, He has to prove both to others and to himself he is capable of being a father, of nuturing, that calloused, stained hands can still be gentle. He has to accept that love is a terrifying leap of faith in vulnerability in order to gain a partnership that is considered a rarity. I love the idea that he spent 30 years yearning for things he thought he would never have and when he is actually given those opportunities (albeit admittedly through unusual circumstances) he has to learn how to actually live in them, becuase they were always just Concepts until now. Ohhhh my god Mr. Leo you are my everything
#rambling about my guy at 3am#its so so sos so important to leo's lore that he wishes he had freedom from the legions while still being inherently loyal to them bc he#cannot break the loyalty that is so fervent in his culture's belief so he doesnt leave and instead tries to be the change he wants to see#in savoring life and preventing reckless deaths and maybe one day allowing for more connections between the charr re their relationships#while also battling with the fact now that he has these chances hes not actually prepared for him#hes defensive about Aurene and he takes a while to admit his feelings for rytlock because of these#does this makes sense me shaking the camera do you see my vision he makes me insane#hes so tired hes sooooo tired but theres this constant weight on him at all times its just not a world ending one but a personal one#javi gw2#leonard echowatcher#this isnt even ABOUT being diallusioned with how the legions disregard lige and treat their soldiers as a numbers game bc thats an entire#different problem this is just abt his more personal struggles.#god i remember describing all his interactions with rytlock (intimacy wise) were all very passionate bc he didnt know how to allow himself#to be vulnerable and gentle#or rather hes scared to be bc its not natural to him#so when they see each other again and leo IS more gentle with him in private that is a huuuge deal#also im definitely not conflating romantic and platonic relationships bc those can be just as important#so im directly speaking about more intimate relationships or regarding whatever leo viewed himself wanting#which was like a partner and a family#sound the alarm this hardened soldier secretly dreams of a domestic fantasy he will never have#is esentially what it is#leo was made to be bbq dad who cleans gravestones and plants flowers for the feceased and is forced into [the entire plot of gw2]#sorry im rambling okay bye
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sparfloxacin · 1 year
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Allu’s Olli smile 🤲🏻🥺
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crowatyourwindow · 5 months
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The realisation of knowing nothing for my spec sac hits me so hard in my little blockhead and then I simultaneously enter stage of denial where it’s like, ‘damn I got two sacs tomorrow? So neat lalallalalalla 😋’
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cxlliefxn · 9 months
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ik judd is a cat and there's no dogs but cmon use ur imagination 🙄
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databent · 1 month
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strated writing and gave up on 2 separate posts basically just yelling about how mad it makes me that n24 is so misunderstood and accomodations are so unavailable. MAN
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rosessmile · 2 months
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god I love rose tyler
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rhysnolastname · 11 months
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hmmm (i keep adding sections)
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renjuns-foolscover · 4 months
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tell me why i just spend literally more than 3 hours reading a mark smau?
i think i am clinically insane...
(had a happy ending it was soooo worth it)
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kakusu-shipping · 1 year
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Sketches of @delightfuldevin‘s Mario S/I I drew a few days ago and I guess forgot to post?? Anyway he’s cool as hell and I hope he doesn’t think my S/I’s too big of a nerd to hang out with
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wickershells · 9 months
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the x-files — s3 e22 ‘quagmire’ | s4 e5 ‘the field where i died’
#is this anything#guys stop projecting your dead fathers onto the other. guyssss stoppppppp#the father as authority vs the father as lenience or levity; punisher or saviour?#i had to paraphrase a lot here when adding the text but also important is scully saying trying to capture his obsession#will only end in his death and the deaths of those around him#in this way scully is expressing her concern for him; to mulder she is instead a father who died trying to protect#one hubristic one martyred#how many times has scully's life been endangered as a result of her work in the x-files? hmmmmm#scully notoriously relentlessly seeking the love from her father; approval; connection - to be recognised; validated#(thinking of mulder & scully meeting because she was assigned to INvalidate his work; to question his belief)#scully in s1 e13 - she no longer needs to be told her father was proud of her; she knows because he was her father#vs scully saying the only person she trusts is mulder; her biggest fear him betraying her (s3 e23)#(the ultimate betrayal at that; that he was one of the men who violated her body)#also the concept of desire as a cage vs love as freedom#to want is to acknowledge there is something you do not have; something you feel you perhaps cannot have#such as the love of a father (figure)#we covet what we see everyday etc. and what is more mundane than family and what is more felt than the absence of their love#scully saw her father when dying and he told her to go back. but it was mulder she listened to#does any of this make sense. it is 3am. goodnight#mine#txf
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toytulini · 5 months
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god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh
#toy txt post#it doesnt feel quite right to me...........#maybe im just a Morning Person. lol. lmao even#idk how much that is true vs in high school i felt very much like a morning person bc#i was taking my adderall with coffee and then it would all wear off right at the end of the day and id crash soooo hard and have like.#anxiety attacks every night and just be generally overstimulated and irritable as hell#which is mostly managed now by me trying to be smarter about caffeine consumption (amount + when) and on a lower dose of adderall#but it does feel like a lot of that shit mentioned would be adequately covered by like. being able to take time off work to go to the#doctor etc. idk#im half joking these days when i ID as a morning person but legally none of you are allowed to get up my ass about it🔪#bc of the nocturnal bullshit i pulled on second shift for like 3yrs after everything around me decided to start closing early after the#pandemic hit even tho theyve re lifted every other miniscule precaution they ever enforced#probably bc no one wants to work night shift at the grocery store for like 12$ an hour. fucking offer better pay idiots#god even when i was a package handler working the super inconvenient hours of 3am-like. 9. 10am(inconvenient my ass that was ideal hours.)#the main reasons ppl left for other jobs: hours suck and they got offered better pay. they cant adjust the hours. so they shouldve#increased the pay to retain. and maybe have more structured start and end times that were less up in the air#like all the drivers leave at 9am so if theres anything left on the truck thatll be for tomorrow. since that fuckin happened anyway. idk.#honestly wouldve been more important to me to have consistent start times cos thats one of the things that pissed me off about that job was#like youd go in and before you left youd have to ask what the start time would be tomorrow cos they kept jumping all over the place by like#15min increments and like its once thing to do it on occasion to try to deal with like Bad Weather but it was like fucking Daily#and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard. but sometimes they wouldnt. and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard#and leave it up there forget to erase it and it would still be there but they told you as you walked out actually its not 4:30 tmrrw its 3#idk. i know the main real reason i miss it is cause it was part time and the day ended at like 9am usually
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floral-hex · 1 year
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I’ve had maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep since yesterday. I keep getting distracted. Need to remedy that.
Saw the audiologist today. He’s seriously one of the nicest doctors I’ve ever had. The appointment went about how I expected; no idea what’s really going on or why my hearing is fluctuating so much. Still, it was really nice to talk to him. He cranked up my hearing aids for whenever I hit another bad patch. Good visit. Or it was, until I was checking out and the ENT I saw last week came up to me and basically killed my mood. Lots of telling me I’ll just have to get used to it and that there’s not much they can do. So… that was a shit ending.
Except it wasn’t the end. About an hour after I got home, ENT calls me and says he talked to the audiologist. I had mentioned maybe having cochlear hydrops, we discussed my symptoms more, and apparently the audiologist wrote a note advocating for me in my chart. ENT admitted that there were some good points, so he prescribed me a new med to try out. It’s a shot in the dark, nothing fancy, but I felt so vindicated. So nice. I’m not expecting any miracles, but it’s nice to have a little hope.
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aww i just read a comment on the cat subreddit i frequent where somebody was asking about getting their cats used to a closed bedroom door and the comment said: Cats like to be with their owners for safety. This is why the cat wants to enter the room when you are in there and the door is closed. (Also why they guard you in the bathroom). and all i could think is, wow kinnie loved me SO much. no cat was ever as devoted to my bathroom safety as her and if i tried to keep her out she cried like i would die. i very rarely kept her out because it was so upsetting for her, i just got used to the lack of privacy and often had to wait for her to follow me if i was heading to the bathroom, because if i shut the door first she WOULD wail. it’s still been less than a year and i can’t believe she’s gone, even though i know she is. i’ve stopped automatically pausing on my way into the bathroom, which i guess is a sort of progress. tbh i hate it though. i miss having a cat who was so used to constant access to me since kittenhood that any closed door was an emergency. i miss kinnie.
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caruliaa · 2 years
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in the alterante universe were s3+4 of cs are good im making a carmen yoyok amv right now
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