#it's The Trauma tbh and it's taken Years to get to the point where I don't feel like I'm going to have a panic attack if I enjoy something

[famewolf]

in case my fellow mutuals didn't know, I've only ever played DA:I before all this. I loved the franchise but I struggled to get past DA:O due to how hard it was to play on console.

and then for years I just 'saved it for a rainy day', or whatever but I realized this last winter that I need to stop doing that and actually consume the stories, games, shows, candles, etc. that I've been holding onto and not playing/using/reading.

it's made me sooo excited to actually get to experience all of these things that I cared about, after holding them for so long

[loneliestluvr]

𝑻𝒐 𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝑰 𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑮𝒐, 𝒊.

i. ii.

Pairing: Eris Vanserra x Archeron OC

Synopsis: Caught up in a world of hollow grief for her people, her life, and her father, Blair Archeron is forced into a life under the light she wants no part of after ghosting through immortality since being Made. But what she finds, is not what she expects.

Warning: depression, worthlessness, cauldron trauma, angst, that’s kinda it for now tbh.

Word Count: 1.9k

taryn thinks: ive been thinking about eris vanserra for a long time and reading lost bonds by @readychilledwine about tamlin kind of gave me some inspo and motivation i haven’t had in a while to write this. also ttpd because ive been down in the dumps and feeling angsty so… enjoy!! 🫶🏼 i apologize if it’s a bit scrambled lol, i just wanted to write it out.

The fabric Nuala and Cerridwen had dressed her in erased any and all traces of the truth. The destitute it had felt her life became since this newfound immortality ripped everything Blair Archeron had ever known away from her, tucked away. Hidden behind the gauzy chiffon.

There had been small pockets of awareness, of feeling like she had control over herself lately. Where she didn’t rot away in bed, or a chaise— alone and wrapped in the quiet of her mind. Staring into open space, ghosting through whatever this life was.

Those times were hard to come by, and even when the war against Hybern was raging it was decided Blair would stay safe in Velaris. Where she had always remained. Where she did not leave, until today.

It was a pointed argument among their small circle that this life was no better than what Feyre had been through with Tamlin, but Blair did not fight it. Simply… existed inside of it.

It wasn’t that nobody tried to help, they did. They asked questions, gave the second eldest sister every chance to open up. To get out, to experience this new world. To talk.

Elain would argue even when she did, it was mere hollows of the person Blair had been who responded. The echoes that remembered how to speak, that walked so smoothly and carelessly that she seemed to float on a hot wind.

Blair was not fearless, she was not cunning, she was not soft, nor was she anything that her sisters were. She was simply… other.

And maybe that was the furthest thing from simple, that there were no words to describe the ethereal beauty of her hollowness. Maybe there never would be.

Blair didn’t seem to mind, and she got away with it.

Content was the feeling that seemed the most appropriate to describe the life she lead now. Moved into her youngest sisters River Home, with a large room at the end of the house overlooking the winding waters. The gardens Elain had crafted and tended when she wasn’t at the townhouse sat below, the large expanse of the land out to the river in full view. The snow capped mountains that danced across the skyline, one’s she sometimes watched Feyre paint in front of from her window day after day, month after month.

She supposed she had it coming when Nesta was forced to the House of Wind. When her older sister by a mere year had pointed out that Blair had amounted to nothing in the time Nesta had been taken hostage inside that House on the side of the mountain. When Nesta had been expected to work and be something, Blair had still remained as useless as before.

“She is adjusting,” Feyre had argued on Blair’s behalf. Blair had been the kindest of their sisters to Feyre when they were in that cabin, poor and broken and nothing. Who had helped with no qualms, who had genuinely cared for them all— even their seemingly worthless father. “—she did not ask for this, the same as you. At least she is not drinking herself to death.” The smartest of them, as Feyre had described to Rhys’ Inner Circle before those meetings in the mortal realm, others would have thought the same if they knew her before.

Before she became this… thing.

“You let her wither away, sitting about in her sadness and grief and her muteness. I would think she had forgotten how to speak if it weren’t for the utterly mundane responses she gives.” Nesta had barked back at their little sister while Blair sat by the window, unmoving. Her face a mask of cool indifference like she wasn’t quite hearing anyway. “How is what she’s doing any different than what I have? Because she isn’t spending your money? Because she hasn’t tainted Rhysand’s precious Court image?”

She didn’t care how they spoke of her, didn’t care to defend herself from Nesta’s forked tongue— it took more energy than she had to argue. Blair could have washed away right into the water that rushed through the river she stared into for all she cared.

Everything had just gone so… wrong from that point. As if Nesta’s breaking point was seeing her first baby sister be so broken and discarded, she had ripped into a secret nobody had even bothered to tell Feyre or Blair— that Feyre’s babe would kill her.

The rest had been a blur like usual after and here they were, dressed and gowned in the finest clothes they had. In the short time since finding out about Feyre’s deadly predicament, everyone seemingly had agreed with Nesta about Blair’s lack of presence in their court… or any at all.

The only people who knew she existed were those that were present when she was forced into the bitterly cold water of the cauldron. When it had felt as though she drowned, that she had died there and something else had filled her body. Felt as though she could only see herself from outside of her body, outside of whatever she had became.

Blair Archeron would be making her debut to the Court of Nightmares in the same fashion Feyre would be revealing her pregnancy. She didn’t know much else, didn’t care for the details or even why Nesta had been training in dances they both knew since childhood. Just what she was to wear and to come when called.

To admit the dress she was now wearing wasn’t utterly beautiful would be a disgrace in itself, and she looked stunning.

Despite her pointed ears being viewable, Blair’s long and heavy gold-brown hair had been curled gorgeously, cascading down her freckled and fair bare back to cover where her dress did not. Kissing and tickling the skin when she moved her head, half of her hair pulled back from her face into loose twirls and braids.

Her face painted in light cosmetics that she didn’t need. It was no secret that her beauty came first out of the four sisters, even before dear Elain’s— skin freckled, dark lashes and brows, cheeks usually tinted pink naturally. But her eyes, her eyes were the rarest of her sisters and what made her so profoundly different.

A base of that gray-blue that grew more vibrant as it met her pupil. But the flecks of nearly golden amber splattered like an artist had flicked their wrist in a rush is what made them so different.

Why the black of her dress fit her so much better than it did poor Elain, her second youngest sister nearly washed out by the bleak darkness she had been presented to wear.

The dress clinging to Blair’s torso was bedecked in gold sparkling beads that formed lines of detail along the bodice and the hem by her feet, the fabric black beneath it. Hugging tight to her figure. Eating and drinking had gotten easier after the war and had allowed her to fill out again.

Her full breasts wrapped tight to her chest where they sat prettily, the dips in her hips and waist outlined by the sheer sleeves that flared well past her hands, capped around her shoulders but left her back utterly bare despite the illusion of the chiffon looking like a cape.

The dress hung from her body as she waited almost carelessly to enter the throne room of Hewn City, and Blair felt a little like she might die.

The air here, anywhere, was so much colder than the sweltering heat of her bedroom where she kept the fire roiling day and night— where she felt like she was at home even if it was just in her head. Sleeping on the floor in front of it most nights, where the crackling of the fire could drown out the sound of her thoughts. Where the warmth could make her feel something other than empty.

Now. Feyre’s voice rang warmly in Blair’s head, echoing outside of the thick walls of forest she’d been taught to put up. Spruce and oak, winding paths lined with red poppy’s and orange geraniums, fogged over meadows to traipse through at will. A maze for anyone else, with no beginning and no end.

The rest of them had gone in a half hour ago it seemed, Blair to be used if they needed to pull a distraction or anything. She would be introduced no matter what, but timing was to be used as an advantage.

The towering doors to the throne room boomed open as Blair turned the corner to the hallway, the curls in her hair bouncing with every step despite the light wind billowing through her flowing sleeves as if she were gliding.

The music continued as she kept her head high and entered the space, hands folded neatly in front of her. A small upward twitch of her pretty red lips, her face calm and still.

Still as the room became when her feet hit the marble across that threshold.

She walked, one foot in front of the other. Head in a full fog before she even entered the throne room— but there was a tug. Something that had almost made her stumble, but she sucked in a tight breath as she focused on the dais ahead.

Pulling, tugging, a line going taut the closer she became and her vision cleared. Someone that had been in deep discussion before Blair entered, someone now turned to face her as everyone else did.

All but the Court of Dreamers gaping at her, at her beauty. So much different than her obvious sisters, a third sister to the High Lady of the Night Court, but so much the same that it was easily distinguishable. Gasps and whispers filling Blair’s now clear ears, but she didn’t look anywhere but the male in front of Rhys and Feyre— as much as she wanted to. As much as she pleaded with herself to look away, she could not.

The bright auburn hair, the pale and freckled skin of his handsome face. All fae were gorgeous, she’d been told and equally come to learn but… just the very look of him made her skin heat.

A look of something similar washed through his amber eyes, the matching amber to the flecks in her own, his throat bobbing.

Something like devastation went through this male and though Blair couldn’t tear her eyes from his as she finally made those last steps to the dais, she could see Rhys’ mask slip ever so slightly from the corner of her eye before it went back up.

There was a part of her, so enamored by whoever this person was— and something about him made her slip back into consciousness. That outside look at herself faded back into her own body and she didn’t realize until she breathed again that her heart had been beating so rapidly.

Or that she hadn’t addressed her High Lord and Lady.

Or that they’d demanded the crowd go back to dancing and drinking and eating.

Or that all she did was face this male, a look of shocked confusion painting her usually dull expression because somehow, someway, she felt like she knew him.

And that the tug she felt, that line, went utterly taut before him.

🏷️: @thehighladywrites and anyone else that wants to be added to a tag list for this or anything else lmk lmfao

[hubristicassholefight]

Hubristic Assholes tourney Round 1 part 3a

Herbert West (Re-Animator, both book and film) vs Victor Frankenstein (Frankenstein)

Propaganda below cut

Herbet

Literally has a whole monologue about defying god in the second movie. (https://youtu.be/BOt0rRhofuI?si=o7wCwAaT347jUmcp)

Playing God by defying death itself

Victor

"ouh im gonna create life from scratch and it's gonna be Pog and Slay" WRONG it wwas FUCKT . he didnt give that thang enough SKIN even . and then it killed his whole family, well he is just a silly guy .

Textbook definition of fuck around and find out. To his credit - yeah, he was a genius who sped through All Of Chemistry Classes in 2 years and revolutionized the field of natural sciences at his university while he was barely 20, arguably invented biochemistry (and then never told anyone) and created a human(ish) being from scratch (and again, never told anyone), BUT Honestly I don't even need to say anything here, I can literally just paste a direct quote: "Life and death appeared to me ideal bounds, which I should first break through, and pour a torrent of light into our dark world. A new species would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me. No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as I should deserve theirs." He saw LIFE AND DEATH ITSELF as just a STARTING POINT ffs Needless to say, the "find out" stage hit him like a freight train making the rest of his life just one long trauma conga line until he died completely alone before even hitting 30 Give it up to our king of hubris, Greatest pathetic wet meow meow of gothic literature tbh

thought he could be better than God by making his own man so that he could later bring people (his mother) back to life. whole thing blew up in his face cause 1. he made it way too big and way too able to kill people 2. he immediately got scared of it and ran away 3. he left it alone without teaching it how to actually function as a human, further adding to the murderous tendencies.

Thinks making life is easy. Does not consider the life he made actually worth anything, He's like the platonic ideal of a shitty parent who wants recognition for Being A Parent without actually having the ability to care for someone else, just taken to a cartoonish extreme. Look where that got him.

Tries to create a whole ass person from scratch. It does not go well; The guy needs no introduction. Guy tries creates a whole human person cobbled together from dead bodies, breathes life into it, immediately abandons his creation, and proceeds to have his life completely destroyed when said creation goes on a rampage of revenge. Subtitle of the book is literally the 'Modern Prometheus.'

Do I really have to explain this one. He made a Guy. He played God. Then the Guy killed his entire family and (boy)friend; He is Pathetic

Victor wanted to play god. Created monster. Monster tried to kill him. Killed his brother, his gf, and his BFF, and came after him. A horror icon, and the modern archetype of the mad scientist in fiction. He's a pathetic pissbaby that needs to be punched. Cunt dies in the end get rekked lol.

I mean come on, Please he's like the guy

[seahagart]

Does Drífa call Úlfur cub?

Oh! Also does he ask to get picked up and given piggy back rides by his mom or would Drífa insist for him instead?

Does Drífa ever mourn the years lost after seeing how competent of a tracker Úlfur is?

Does Drífa embarrass him infront of camp by doing the quintessential mom thing of licking her thumb to clean his face?

How did Úlfur get his face scar?

How would Drífa talk to her son about the trauma from that?

Did Úlfur worry before meeting his mom that she'd wouldn't recognise him due to his scars?

What does Drífa feed Úlfur to fatten him up?

How did Drífa first react to being pregnant? How did she prepare afterwards?

I love Tav's who are good parents so their dynamic is CRACK to me. I wish them the best~♡

HELLO!!!!

Does Drífa call Úlfur cub?

Oh yes, cub is the go to, maybe pup as a joke off his name meaning wolf, or like 'the mighty ulfur' etc when hes being more obnoxious. This is their dynamic most of the time

Oh! Also does he ask to get picked up and given piggy back rides by his mom or would Drífa insist for him instead?

I think he will usually try to do things on his own to PROVE TO HIS MOM THAT HIS IS AN EXPERT SURVIVALIST, then eventually gets tired and she scoops him up. She wants him to do everything on his own in case she isn't there, but she swoops in when needed (or when she wants to)

Does Drífa ever mourn the years lost after seeing how competent of a tracker Úlfur is?

Oh yes, especially once theyre reunited she feels a lot of guilt for assuming he was dead (it really was set up so there was no other option than that, and is very sad that her time with him is even shorter since he will probably only want to stay with her for a little longer/technically doesn't really even 'need her', but obvi he stays with her the rest of their time together (aside from his own little adventures, but he always comes home :) ) Drífa took care of herself very early, so she anticipates he would want the same. He doesn't

Does Drífa embarrass him infront of camp by doing the quintessential mom thing of licking her thumb to clean his face?

I think to him that would be so normal that he wouldn't think about it until maybe someone snickers and then he realizes it's 'embarrassing' and then it's like MOM STOOOOPPP

How did Úlfur get his face scar?

When he got separated from Drífa he fell off the side of the mountain, and basically miraculously survived but took most of the damage to his face and right side of his body, he broke a lot of bones, knocked out his tusk and it was so damaged it never grew back, and unfortunately lost his eye. He was found by some 'kind souls' who found a lil kid barely alive in the snow, and they took him... not realizing his mother was on her way to get him. He was unconciously and woke up miles away from his mountain, not able to speak common, with no idea where he was. Drífa found bloody snow, bits of his fabric, and drag marks. She searched and searched and could only conclude that an animal had taken him at that point from the state of the mess and what was left (and because typically people dont go up the mountain, especially in winter, but those two were either weirdos or into shady business.

How would Drífa talk to her son about the trauma from that?

I think she does whatever she can to make him comfortable, never prying, but asking, and if he gets defensive she drops it. Work through it slowly, mindfully, meditatively. I think she's as traumatized but in a different way, waking up multiple times to make sure he's still in his bed, tbh in the beginning he probably sleeps in bed with her so they can both know the other is there, eventually he gets a big boy bed as per his demand and then still sometimes falls asleep with mom while she tells him stories

Did Úlfur worry before meeting his mom that she'd wouldn't recognise him due to his scars?

I don't think he'd consider that, i think he would be more worried if she was alive because she basically was saving his life, he ran away and slipped and tumbled down the mountain. He is hoping she is alive, and looking for him. When he hears rumors that there's 'some woman living in the mountain' he then is angry she didn't come get him, she abandoned him, and is looking for her because he misses her and also to find out why she would do that? Upon reuniting it is very clear that she did not give up, in fact looked for months and found nothing, and he quickly forgives.

What does Drífa feed Úlfur to fatten him up?

Best pieces of meat, she always gives him the last piece of whatever they have, gets him fresh honeycomb, sweets, berries, HEFTY portions of meals

How did Drífa first react to being pregnant? How did she prepare afterwards?

I don't think she'd realize it first, she'd think she was getting ill. Eventually she would fit the pieces together and I think she would be scared at the idea of taking care of something, before coming to the conclusion that this was MEANT to happen to teach her something by her goddess and that is was a natural cycle of life. I think it would involve a lot of cursing, a lot of talking to herself like 'oh god i'm so tired and it's only the afternoon! What the hell-' and originally is worried she was going to have a baby in the winter instead of a more pleasant time like the spring or summer, but then again took that as a will of her goddess, a very special time time to be born, and a very particular challenge she would face and defeat. She is nervous, but now sees it that her baby is blessed to be born in winter which is her goddess's manifestation, and very fitting. She probably just works harder than ever to make sure when the time comes, she will be ready, and have plenty of rations, furs, etc to get through the winter. She's seen animals do it, so it should be the same? Not sure how the whole having a baby alone thing went down, but she was successful, and definitely had a few 'what the fuck am I doing....' moments, but now she had someone to talk to other than herself and sees her baby as a gift from the gods :") She is a lot funnier when she's alone because she can speak orc and it's mostly her just sighing and being like 'well... i guess this is how this is going to happen now....'

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!

[quietbluejay]

Solar War 2

I'm here for Layak stalking Abaddon, this is beautiful

layak pulls a "we're not so different" and needles abaddon about killing the loyalist sons of horus at isstvan iii

and layak pulls a batman lmao on the one hand, he's an incredibly irritating coworker on the other hand, i think it would be funny to stick these two in the pear wiggler together, and i think canon will give me what I want there i'm really hoping the people reading this are familiar with that meme otherwise I sound like a lunatic Boreas is dying one of Sigismund's comrades in his fight

yeah he's kind of…haunted by that

Mersadie is kind of grim, lol

depressing lol but she's had a bleak seven years

honestly i kinda…want to drop this book this is just…it's like trying to bite a windshield there isn't anything in here that really compels me to see what happens next

does my bestie andromeda show up more search says no boo!!!!

ok im giving it another shot Mersadie's subplot is at least somewhat gripping and now, over to the Emperor and Malcador there's a planetary conjunction and the time is at the turning of the year which has significance but like, the winter solstice is when things start getting lighter

also i can't believe there's been so much about wolves and winter in a book where I'm pretty sure Russ never shows up

IGNIS HES HERE and Menkaura is slowly transforming into what we see him as in the Ahriman series

okay i guess i am a bit curious as to where this is going and also how French writes pre-Rubric Ahriman man Mersadie is picking up a whole group I'm really hoping the kids survive this I thought they were dead for sure

i…what what

are you serious

So just…lock them all in a room???

DORN

I'm going to leave bite marks on every stone in your walls

things are not going so well on earth

FINALLY we're getting a human face on things (got to see this guy's nightmare of his undead mother) ah time for malcador to go hard men doing hard things (loken's mad at him)

he's going after Mersadie

aah Forrix POV even Space Marrines get fatigued after a while hm

ominous forrix also really doesn't think highly of the EC and the NL which is especially funny for the NL

man, no matter what, French always writes Ahriman as a sad wet beast, a poor little meow meow i mean okay i guess McNeill did it too this bit was a little funny to me

like Ahriman of all people thinking something is ridiculously pretentious ah tension between the WB and the TS

there have been some shreds of what could have been an actually good book buried in here I'm sorry I haven't really been doing a detailed breakdown lol

that one review was right (about a different John French novel, lol) "John French takes an overly verbose axe to anything resembling a cohesive plot in this book."

I'm not sure how I'd fix this one aside from getting rid of half the descriptions lol I know 40k as a setting is about armies and not individuals but this is a book I swear a good chunk of this stuff read a lot like it was taken from campaign fluff not sure that's the correct term I finally got around to reading most of the TGS fluff and it clarified a lot of things for me in terms of wtf Thorpe was doing and why his writing was so weird in Ghost Warrior

hm I think I'd cut all the stuff that happens on Terra, it belongs in a different book or do it as a short story

I'm not sure about the Mersadie subplot tbh but honestly I think that one deserved to be a novella it's one of the best parts of this book ah Mersadie and Loken are reunited!

French, seeing my aggravation, immediately decided to attack my weak points

that's what this book is trying to be about, isn't it it's not doing a great job but the parts that hit, do it well ah classic ahriman

yeah this whole thing has been a word bearers teamup which has been…interesting, for ahriman, lol

Mersadie accomplished something!

oh yeah she also has a lot of flashbacks and at this point I'm wondering if it's not just the trauma oh ok the memories didn't actually happen yeah I'm worrying about something spooky

visual representation of the traitor command centre before the battle

hah it's actually really funny, I was reading about this recently and thinking about it w.r.t. to what Haley was trying to pull off with Wolfsbane

so the traitor forces were only doing all this to get this planetary alignment

you know things have finally been picking up …starting at the 70% mark

im also sitting on my hands to not quote TS Eliot's Four Quartets, I know I overquote it agh I'm weak, I give in

Garlic and sapphires in the mud Clot the bedded axle-tree. The trilling wire in the blood Sings below inveterate scars Appeasing long forgotten wars. The dance along the artery The circulation of the lymph Are figured in the drift of stars Ascend to summer in the tree We move above the moving tree In light upon the figured leaf And hear upon the sodden floor Below, the boarhound and the boar Pursue their pattern as before But reconciled among the stars.

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless; Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is, But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity, Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards, Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point, There would be no dance, and there is only the dance. I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where. And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time. The inner freedom from the practical desire, The release from action and suffering, release from the inner And the outer compulsion, yet surrounded By a grace of sense, a white light still and moving, Erhebung without motion, concentration Without elimination, both a new world And the old made explicit, understood In the completion of its partial ecstasy, The resolution of its partial horror. Yet the enchainment of past and future Woven in the weakness of the changing body, Protects mankind from heaven and damnation Which flesh cannot endure.

back to book

(i thought dorn had lighter eyes lol)

anyways i guess i should actually finish Flight of the Eisenstein at some point it can't be more tedious than 75% of this book ugh samus is here ah so that's the twist in the mersadie plot

i know she's being controlled or possessed or something but that's a fun image so the "keeler" in the visions was…Samus I think

so back on the vengeful spirit maloghurst did a sorcery to turn Mersadie into a sleeper agent uh huh [press x to doubt] Mersadie left right before Isstvan III!!!!! unless this is trying to tell me that idk Erebus was secretly tutoring Mal in dark magic, something that makes absolutely zero sense in the time frame we're looking at i can't believe it yeah okay some of the elements in here are fun horror stuff but I can't focus on that because I'm too irritated to quote that one reviewer "Samus is here and I wish he wasn't"

[notthestarwar]

Cody and Boba spn au? 👀👀

Oh my god so I started writing this in November and then totally forgot about it till earlier this week when I saw a spn post 😂 I've just had to hunt down my notes which are spread between docs, the back of a cardboard box, a discord conversation, my friends memory (because I told her about it on a voice call apparently) and a notepad before I could figure out where the hell I was going with this one 😂😂

@thesunlikehoney i know you asked about this one too

OK so it all started with this

Which just felt so Jango to me???

So there are no monsters and Jango had raised his 4 kids to be bounty hunters. Alpha leaves when he's old enough, Rex dies, and eventually Cody gets out too leaving Boba and Jango (imagine boba as Dean here). Fast forward a few years and Cody is living a normal life, living with Alpha, and is very dedicated to his normal person job, all until Boba turns up in the middle of the night, dean style.

He explains that Jango has gone missing on a hunt and it turns out that he and Boba had started hunting force users since Cody left and Cody is like. you what??? thats a big no no. very dangerous. Cody agrees to go with him but only for the weekend, he has to be back on monday for his job interview. they investigate the case and find jango's journal but no jango. cody is like. right. i'm going home now.

but he arrives home to find the place burning with alpha (dead) inside and a calling card from ventress, the force user jango had been tracking. boba tells cody that now ventress is on his tail, he cant stay, or she'll burn down his work and everything else, so cody goes with him to stop ventress so he can return to his normal life.

things pretty much go as per spn s1, with jango leading them on and them following after him thinking they are going to find him anytime. theres lots of arguing between the two of them over jango and rex and their upbringing ect.

obi wan makes an apperance as boba and jango's ex jedi hunting consultant and helps them in the hunt for ventress. obi wan is also cody's ex, and they broke up because of jango who refused to tolerate him (but clearly changed his mind at some point after cody leaving) and then cody doesnt contact him after he leaves jango and boba because he wants to get out of the hunting life.

the whole thing is largely about jango being a shit dad but its also about the knockon effect that had on all of them. cycles of trauma. in some ways ending up like the parent that wronged you and having to confront that. rex is pretty much haunting the narrative as nobody has really dealt with his death and theres a lot of anger and grief and not wanting to speak about him. its also about running from your life after something bad happens that you dont want to face (cody with jango and boba, obi wan with the jedi) and how that act of running stops you from letting go of anything, and how there was an alternative, of cody staying in boba's life, of obi wan staying in contact with his family (the jedi), so in some ways its also about balance

tbh its very fun and i'm minorly obsessed with it again now i've revisited

Here's a very unedited snippet from the start:

[...]He’s more than able to defend himself without resorting to weapons.

It’s as he’s thinking this, that something heavy and solid barrels in to him from the direction of the kitchen.

Caught unaware, maybe he is getting rusty, he tumbles to the floor.

The intruder is armoured, beskar if Cody isn’t mistaken. Cody is naked but for boxers. It shouldn’t be a fair fight: Cody hasn’t always been a fair man.

He targets the joins in the mans armour, rolls them over, and its then, that a cloud shifts. A beam of moonlight falls on them and Cody realises, with a drop in his stomach, that he knows this armour.

“Boba?” he asks.

There is a snort from the vocoder. “So you do recognise me?”

“Of course I do! Boba. What the hell?”

“I could ask the same of you. Did you have to tackle me like that.”

Cody is taken aback for a second. “Did I have to…You attacked me! In my home! What is wrong with you?”

Boba sighs, the vocoder clicking off, his brothers true voice filtering though. “I was disarming you.” He says, like it’s obvious. “Didn’t want you to shoot first ask questions after.”

“I wouldn’t…” Cody shakes his head. “I’m not like that anymore.”

He’s still hovering over Boba, holding him to the floor. He comes back to himself, climbing to his feet and holding out a hand to pull Boba up.

“Boba. What the hell are you doing here?”

Boba shrugs, releasing his helmet with a hiss and hooking it to his belt.  He raises an eyebrow. “I could ask the same of you.” He looks around unimpressed.

“No. You could not.” Cody tells him blankly. “This is my home. I live here Boba. Not with you, I got out, remember?” He scoffs. “Haven’t seen you in ten years. So what the hell are you doing here now?”

Boba gives him a long look. “Looking for you.”

thank you for asking!

[eisforeidolon]

Hey there, I hope you don't mind me dropping in here on a topic from a few days ago and harping on about it (I'm not very well-versed on ask boxes so I'm a bit unsure of the etiquette. If I commit a major faux-pas, forgive me). Apologies if this ends up a little long and a lot sarcastic - I have opinions about this. It's given me a fair bit of grief over the years.

Y'know, I see these 'abusive Dean' takes float across my dash a fair bit (apparently not being into Destiel or Wincest means I must be a Bitter Sam-girl instead and hate Dean, according to Tumblr). The oh-so-delightful 'abusive husband Dean and beaten wife Sam' takes. People calling Sam 'beaten wife coded' in general. One based on a grand total of two instances where he flinched cause Dean made a loud violent noise near him (who the hell wouldn't, you don't need to be 'beaten wife coded' to flinch when someone chucks a chair at a wall, it's almost like Sam has some kind of trauma about various other things and might be generally jumpy...). Or taking the end of S10 out of context and choosing to forget that Dean was nearly fully taken over by a mark of fratricide (which he still managed to overcome, they conveniently fail to mention that). And I just... ugh.

What I never understood about these takes is like... why? There's trying to paint your fave in a good light and a character you hate in a bad one, but then there's making the heart and soul of the show itself into something so ugly it ruins it for other people, like your Anon, and honestly this happened to me too a while ago before I forced myself to stop listening to the greater fandom and find a few I trusted (like you). Even still, it gets all up in my head sometimes. Why are these people finding such glee in making the central relationship so awful? What are you getting out of this show if you think that about it?

Like, imagine looking at the finale through this lens. Congratulations, you turned something sad but ultimately bittersweet into something horrible, the 'beaten wife' dedicating the rest of their life to their 'abuser' then being forced to be with them for eternity, and this is portrayed as a good thing. Why would you ever want to view it that way? Plus, it's rather forced if you take it as a whole - the few times Sam stood there looking contrite while Dean did something stupid pale in comparison to the number of times he calls him out on it, even in the later seasons (14x12 Prophet and Loss, anyone? 15x17 Unity?).

I guess people can take from media what they want, it's obviously not my place to police people's enjoyment, but I just never got the appeal. It seems so counter to what the show was clearly actually trying to do, yet they tout it as fact (now where have I seen that before). Like it's somehow a bad thing to enjoy the show on its own terms. Coming across these takes still kinda bums me out. This goes for people insisting it's the other way around too - I can't stand any brother vs. brother stuff either, it's never anything but bad faith, and honestly kinda misses the point. Some of these people boggle my mind with their lack of empathy.

If there's one thing this fandom is good for, it's honing your ability to roll your eyes and move along. It's full of so much absolute batshit insanity that you'll never survive if you listen to every take. Trust me, I've tried. Do you know which tags to block to avoid this kinda stuff? Cause I never seem to be able to.

Sorry if this was a bit of a rant dump, heh. I'm usually a chronic lurker, but this discourse in particular bothers me immensely.

You're absolutely fine, I mind neither bringing up previous topics nor excessive length (be a bit of a hypocrite if I did, tbh). And yeah, it's one of my least favorite SPN fandom discourses, too.

It does feel like it's pretty hard to find any corner of the fandom where you won't at least occasionally see one side or the other's worst faith not!fave-brother-is-terrible takes. And oh, do I hate the 'beaten wife Sam' half of the 'Dean is an abuser' discourse equation just as much. Like, supposedly they like Sam, so why on earth would they want to pretend this stubborn competent badass of a character is actually a helpless pathetic marshmallow?! Same with Dean on the opposite side of the fandom - it's not just the character they're constantly maligning I can't recognize, the character they "like" similarly bears very little resemblance to the one I'm a fan of!

So far as I can tell, some people just desperately need their favorite character to be the best one who is always in the right. Whether it's over-identification or what, I don't know. They seem to think they achieve it by reframing large portions of the canon as justifying, unfairly attacking, or insulting that character as necessary. Except they don't see how from the outside it very often looks entirely absurd, regardless of if they're doing it in favor of Sam, Dean, or Castiel. Which is not to say there aren't parts of canon which treat all of those characters ridiculously in one way or another? But it's the total fixation on it only being the case with their favorite character in every possible situation where it gets weird.

Every great once in a while, I do manage to come across a take that really annoys me. But for the most part? The extreme ones are just so absurd, so divorced from what anyone even vaguely trying to understand the other characters' motivations and what the show quite obviously intended? I just can't take it at all seriously. Especially when they (as they so often do) get canon details wrong or pointedly "forget" all the canon points that blatantly don't fit their narrative.

Unfortunately, like with a certain ship, when it comes to tagging? You're kind of at the mercy of the self-awareness of the poster about how much other people may not want to see their hot takes.

[princess-of-the-corner]

how am I having more thoughts on the Cardcaptor!Katsuki thing?

Okay okay some plot notes:

I'm sticking this AU in a weird-ass place! During Katsuki and Izuku's last year of middle school!

So they're not in UA, but this is post-sludge villain so they're a bit weird, Kats is NOT dealing with the trauma well, and Izuku is still training with All Might.

This does mean they're not getting involved in the main plot of bnha yet, but they /can/ run into some characters on the adventures. (Maybe the Heroes are responding to the chaos the Cards make, maybe their future classmates are caught up in said chaos, hell you can toss a villain or two in because some of them might know things about the cards).

Also this is a CC-esque au so similar canon deviations exist. Like Katsuki being transfem but not actually out yet.

Card nonsense kicks off pretty early in.

So I'm imagining that Katsuki is having a Bad Time™ and just wants to be alone for a hot minute. Wanders off during the school day and ends up in some backrooms of the school library. Finds the book with the cards. All the cards except Firey excape(because this one vibes most with her). Kero appears and while Katsuki is like ?????? he gives the plot dump of 'hey! Magic is real! You're destined to deal with this shit!"

Izuku also gets involved because he noticed Katsuki sneaking off, followed like the little fuckin stalker he is, and saw the whole card scattering/Kero infodump thing.

Katsuki and Izuku are in a weird ass place right now because it's post-sludge but pre-ua. So Katsuki is trying to figure out what the fuck is up with Izuku and whether her life is a lie and all that but hasn't really had the push to confront all that. And at first she's pissed at Izuku but Kero is a decent mediator to this situation and it's. it's the first time any kind of adult(as much of an adult as a little cat bear thing is) has kinda. Taken control and firmly but kindly said 'hey knock that shit off' so it's easier for her to really just take a step back and take a breath and actually like. Properly be able to listen to Izuku because again: Kero is saying 'hey the guy was worried about you that's a good thing' instead of 'lmao he's worried about you he thinks you can't handle this show him you can through force!'.

bonus points for Katsuki getting dragged into Izuku's nonsense and finding out 'oh you met mcfucking ALL MIGHT and he's training you as a successor????'. Which. Yeah def spins everything because fuck it All Might is the ultimate authority on right and wrong so if All Might thinks Izuku is a good person worhty of respect Katsuki is switching it up right now. (and feeling guilty for everythig in the past so whoops more of Kero being like 'kid you're FINE!!)

Swinging over to Yue! I mentioned before but he was determined to handle the passing of the torch to a new holder better than the Clow-Sakura transfer he was going in optimistically but GOD he meets Katsuki and is like "THIS??? IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH???"

So like. He still does something similar to last time in hiding in plain sight to keep an eye on the new holder. I don't think he'll go full dual personality again because while I love Yukito that's A Lot. But also there's like.... There's not really anyone in Katsuki's life where he could slide in as a 'haha you're not going to question me being here!'.

Which leads to the idea of Yue basically faking being a teacher and is now on the Aldera staff but he's the only sane person in this place and is constantly on the verge of killing his coworkers because holy FUCK how do y'all treat children like this????

All Might gets dragged into this because Izuku has Katsuki meet him and tbh with Izuku helping Katsuki figure out the Card stuff they get into nonsense that's /technically/ vigilantism according to the law but Katsuki is the only one who can deal with the situation.

The actual collecting of the cards happens over that school years so Katsuki has all of them by the time she and Izuku go to UA (and also they're all a bit healthier about things both each other and themselves).

At UA, Katsuki initially tries to keep to just using her Quirk for this shit instead of the cards(though she's become used to using both in tandem). This only works so well beause ofc when bigger threats come out, she's not going to hold back out of some weird 'oh it's not fair to-' no people are in danger she's gonna use everything she has to save them.

So while we don't get someone Eriol-esque crafting situations, the Plot forces her to transform the Cards into her own versions.

[whoscallingwhoafraud]

I have had a significant improvement in my pain recently (I gave up caffeine and tried a few other home remedy things) but I still have discomfort a lot of the time and I just find it hard to deal with tbh. I also think I might have like trauma from the multiple times it locked up. It hasn't in over a year but I think about it and worry about it all the time. Like I feel like I'm literally constantly thinking about my jaw and it's taken over so much of my life. I hope one day I can get to a point where I feel "normal" and don't have to constantly think about it

[yuripoll]

KNOCKOUTS: Gunjou (2007 - 12)

Gunjou (aka, Gunjo, or Ultramarine) is a 3 volume seinen series by Nakamura Ching about a woman conspiring with the lesbian in love with her to murder her abusive husband.

"I want you to kill him..." Her husband abuses her on a daily basis. Unable to stand it any longer, she asks her lesbian friend to kill her husband for her. And unable to say no to the woman she loves, the lesbian kills him... Only 22 years old when the series began, Ching Nakamura offers up a work carved from flesh, blood, and bone. - MAL

ENG available on the author's site & JP available on Book Walker.

CWs under the cut. General severity rating: major.

In particular, if you are sensitive to any kind of abuse or are just generally in a bad place, I suggest taking caution with this one. Very bleak outlook & a very uncomfortable read. Heads up that while I've tried to be thorough, its very dense with triggering content and the list below is definitely not fully exhaustive.

sex & nudity <- explicit but not erotic

violence & gore <- blood & stabbing from the murder. not super gory, but there's a lot of visible injury ie deep cuts & heavy bruising. i was listing individual instances here but it got too much; other violent imagery includes (but is not limited to) blunt force trauma, slapping/punching, choking, being hit with a glass bottle.

rape <- references to rape here and there, but most significantly there's a scene where the lesbian deuteragonist is pressured into having sex with a man in ch6. the same character also had transactional sex with a man to get an opportunity to kill him. while this is the worst example, afaik the vast majority of sexual encounters shown or referenced have some kind of transactional, dubiously consensual edge to them.

homophobia (& lesbophobia specifically) <- protag refers to deuterag a "stupid lesbian" on like. the second page of the first chapter. and it doesn't really improve from there. deuterag was also rejetcted by her parents for her sexuality.

victim blaming <- deuterag calls protag stupid for marrying an abuser.

toxic relationships & manipulation <- main duo. they aren't even in the realm of healthy. see the above two points. things get violent between them at points but not to the same degree as with protags past abusers.

physical abuse (inflicted by a father and by a husband) <- major aspect of the protag's past. semi-frequent scenes showing this abuse. deuterag attacks protag in ch4 and immediately hates herself for it.

emotional abuse <- tbh i do think the degree of toxicity that the main duo get to reaches this point.

csa mention(?) <- i remember it being brought up once towards the end on my first read but i missed it on my second, so either i made it up or its literally just one little mention.

vomiting <- ch4, not shown on screen but there are sound effects. same in ch5. you DO see it in ch23 though, not super detailed.

suicide <- attempted suicides shown in ch2 (by jumping from a pier), ch6 (by asphyxiation), ch9 (getting onto train tracks). suicidal ideation regularly brought up by the main characters as a way of escaping their situation. both characters regularly express wanting to die. one character death is dishonestly framed as a suicide.

child death <- ch2, side character accidentally left her baby to drown in the bathtub. you see it happen in ch5.5

miscarriage <- protag mentions that she has had multiple miscarriages, one being caused by being kicked in the stomach. ch25 has a character (unknowingly) really rub salt in the wound.

animal injury <- ch1, a cat gets hit by a car (its taken to a vet and lives). we see the animal + blood but nothing detailed.

grooming(?) <- deuterag's older lesbian friend hit on her while she's still in high school, and they later entered a relationship. this never actually plays into the relationship that we see, but it happens.

mentions of teen prostitution <- ch3, suggested a couple of times that the protag (at 17) sell herself to escape poverty.

heteronormativity <- multiple lesbian characters consider trying to just adapt to men or try and settle down to avoid societal rejection.

character death <- side character, accidental drowning

[shopcat]

i do honestly think that like. the reason steve's torture scene is so undercut is because it is a torture scene. like they didn't WANT it to be hit heavily they didn't want to have to cut between relatively normal for the show scenarios back to steve and robin locked in an unreachable facility getting beaten and drugged and about to get their fingernails ripped off with the knowledge that in the end unless they're saved they're going to die. Because that is deeply tragic. so they have to make the jokes and make it lighter than it seems not only because the plot needs it but like the AUDIENCE needs it and the CHARACTERS need it... like yes the show does not take so many character's real life suffering seriously because for some reason lasting effects and trauma only exist to be taken advantage of by the plot or if you're the billed star or something but steve also in canon is the one who didn't let himself BE A Guy Who Was Just Tortured. he was a guy who was just beat up a little. and like they're scared but they're not too scared because they have to have hope because they are two people who have never had to rely on hope before in order to survive...

but also!! tbh i can't. help but think how much of a critical hit gut wrench it would've been if they had decided to commit to the darker theme of it and how it juxtaposes against the whole Bright Neon Light Palm Fronds And 80s Pop and how 30 minutes later they're standing among a group of children and no one even realises anything is out of the ordinary i think it would've accessed an actual emotional impact and depth the duffers seem to stumble upon by accident and never of their own volition </3 to cut from the concurrently running scenes to an 18 year old boy we know is completely innocent and completely telling the truth that he was just in the wrong place and didn't realise how serious it all was who was getting tortured and it be something serious. and his 17 year old coworker who just had to listen to it all to the point where she thought they dragged his dead body in to lay next to her. and in a way it's somehow MORE tragic which was not their intention at all that it was so lightly handled even though we the audience know it's somethings deeply upsetting it all just gets washed away in the face of Life goes on even on tv... sigh.

[hangozoe]

3. 6, 10, 22, 23, 53, 54, 63, 74

3. Favourite Assistant?

Take a wild guess - Ema Skye. The girl who literally inspired my career. (Worth it, by the way. Majoring in forensic science was so much fun.) I have a soft spot for people whose detective careers are inspired by saving someone or wanting to correct an injustice from their past.

6. Favourite Antagonist (in the role of the antagonist! e.g Edgeworth in AA1 counts but only in AA1.)

Okay, I really like Edgeworth in AA1. A whole lot. I love how his trauma and his strong sense of justice manifest in antagonistic qualities to Phoenix, who also has a strong sense of justice but chooses blind faith over prosecuting criminals. Edgeworth is a good person but can't do what Phoenix does. "My father was taken from me, and you want me to defend criminals? I'm sorry, Wright, but I'm not that good of a person!"

I headcanon Edgeworth as autistic. I love seeing him being so elegant and dramatic in court, easily making a fool out of Phoenix, and then seeing him outside of court for the first time and realizing he's actually socially awkward. I love that this game makes you defend him and it's like pulling teeth to get him to agree. Just. AA1 Edgeworth is incredible.

10. Favourite trial from all the games?

Case 1-4. I watch an entire playthrough of it at least once a year on Christmas as tradition. I can recite the beginning dialogue from memory. As I said previously:

22. Your OTP?

Not to steal your answer but Justicykes. Particularly because of the comics done by tumblr user shinyv, like these:

And the art done by tumblr user ticcytx:

I think their dynamic is incredible. So much chemistry going on. I really love energetic girl x more stoic guy pairings.

Runner-ups include Franmaya and Vanlock (mostly for their divorced vibes).

23. Your BROTP?

Sebastian and the girls chat.

I don't know if I can choose, but I really like Sebastian and Kay, Iris and Gina, and Susato and Iris (they're basically sisters). There's probably more I'm missing.

53. Your personal dumbest moment while playing?

In recent memory, I was playing the DLC case for Dual Destinies while my boyfriend was watching. There is a point about how far the victim fell. A witness claimed the victim died by being launched up into the air and then falling 30 ft into the pool full of water. The victim's autopsy report says he fell 65 ft. My logic was that he was launched up 30 ft + fell down 30 ft, and 60 ft is not 65 ft. ... My boyfriend had to remind me upward launch distance doesn't count toward falling down distance.

54. The moment you felt the smartest while playing?

There are a lot of times where I figure out the murder method pretty early on. I can't remember one in particular.

63. Favourite quote?

Herlock Sholmes: "Great detectives are wont to lie."

74. Character you would hug?

Most of them tbh. But if I had to choose one, Maya Fey. Girl has been THROUGH IT and rarely gets to be vulnerable because she's putting on a strong face for Pearl.

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP5. Replay Part 2

I am fine with the household I grew up in which is why I am having an imaginary conversation with someone about how not fine I was with it.

normal family dynamics where you are jealous of the fact your wife is forced to show respect to the man who basically kidnapped her.

I don't understand how people think Natsuhi really likes Krauss, man, she tells herself she does obviously but.... every other line reveals that she does not in fact do that. And she's right not to.

Hmmmm It is interesting how they made Lambdadelta be Natsuhi's unofficial sponsor for this game.... Natsuhi certainly is someone who tries even when the possibility of winning is 0, and Lambdadelta does seem to have some extra sympathy for the traumas of fatherhood and patriarchy. Her goals are kind of vague and muddled, as in she just kind of lies to herself to make her goals what is proper.

It's cruel to rob someone of the chance to give up, of course, but in a more sympathetic reading, you can say that is what caused Beatrice to witness her miracle...

Well, she sure is doing a bad job of that by giving Battler a shit ton of hints, Bern.

The way Bern tends to call Beatrice a "child" is very interesting to me, it shows she thinks of a lesser being, and in this context, I think Bernkastel sees Beatrice's suffering as lesser.... she was stuck in an endless loop for someone and she is supposed to believe the endless witch is worth having empathy for? That's how she thinks, I believe.

To be honest, the scene describing the scene *turning* sad is interesting to me. The scene that was taking place before wasn't wholly sad, of course, but it did reveal a lot of Natsuhi's buried resentments.... I think it shows how seeing without love isn't just seeing 'reality'. It is refusing to engage with the other person's world in favor of just pasting your own interpretation and assumptions on them. The scene where nothing is happening and Natsuhi is just sad tells us less about the truth of Natsuhi's heart than the scene with Beatrice. The magic Beatrice wanted Battler to see included all her trauma.

"this time, at least" lmfao, Natsuhi.

He's finally here.... the thing Beatrice has been waiting for for so long, he's finally getting it.

Well, no, it was Natsuhi.

well maybe you shouldn't have been fucking with and cheating on her since she was like 15 then.

everyone in this family has taken a moment to point out they are all traumatized by each other in like 4 scenes. Eva talks about how Krauss stole from the other siblings, Rudolf points out he is scared of Krauss beating him up, Rosa talks about being dragged into their (often physical) fights.

You can tell Natsuhi knows who they are right away, it wouldn't make sense to freak out this much if she truly had no idea, anyways. It would just be a prank call. Observant players should have alarms ring at the mention of 19 years ago considering that it is the same time Ronove mentioned back in ep3- though even then that is a bit of a misdirection bc we are seeing different Beatrice.

Tbh Natsuhi probably can and should have dismissed Nanjo Kumasawa and Genji for the day of the conference considering they are the only people alive that she knows know of this event in the first place - but the situation with the fake Kinzo makes that kind of impossible.

even Natsuhi knows lmfao.

You kinda deserved to get chewed on by LambdaBern for this though, jeez, Battler. Pay attention to the game!

Hahha, Maria wants to help her friend in need. Sayo probably has complained about Gohda to her before.

Haha, I forgot about this considering there were some Erika culprit theories, though I guess it does go in circles instead of proclaiming it directly....

Bernkastel immediately proclaims Erika as part of her and then starts disowning her when she fails to solve the mystery, ouch....

By the way, they were *very* careful not to have Kanon be talked about or be presented since the second Erika entered the room up to when Battler made it clear we are talking about his piece-version's pov. They already showed you how people that aren't there can be present in the narrative, so when they bring attention to this you should be noticing the mystery is challenging you. It's interesting how Kanon is the only one that gets a weirdly unique description compared to anyone else, too.

This line kind of made me imagine Erika as Eva's daughter and I'm just imagining what a shitshow that would be, oh my god.

Again, how she's conflating herself and Erika up to the point where she's discarded... that's really cruel. I feel bad all things considered. Also the games basically yelling: if you want to solve the epitaph yourself, stop now.

Well, if she put a loss condition on herself, that means she must not really care about winning right? Or otherwise, she might consider losing an acceptable outcome? Almost like it's someone who doesn't care about their life anymore?

Natsuhi stooooop. It is not your duty to just do everything Krauss wants to do. Your mind is a fucking prison aaaaa.

Haven't said much about Erika yet because she was mostly keeping the Proper Girl act with some of the hints of her true nature coming through, here is where her character starts going for real, though.

Yeah.... they are setting up what actually happened here haha... it would definitely not end well. And they are starting to question "What happens when you are trying to understand something not for your love of them or real understanding but just because you can?" Umineko is overall a work that promotes empathy and trying to understand others, so it also will deal with what happens when you "try to understand" for selfish or bad-faith reasons.

Yeah, the point of this scene is spelled out later, of course being able to see Kinzo and all, it's funny how hyped Kinzo is for this, though. In actuality if Battler solved it and not Sayo he would be so unamused.

[moodindigov]

celia charity brightwell; my personal view on her words in s&p and her character.

okay tbh idk if this has ever been brought up before and tbf i havent looked into it yet because this thought just came so suddenly to me while i was reading ash and quill for like the eighteen billionth time, but can we talk about celia charity whatever her name is brightwell? like can we talk about her bond with her sons being literally non existent. (read more bcs i won’t make u scroll past this post for 2 seconds when u can scroll past it in like a quarter of that time.)

genuinely think about it, celia brightwell is ‘a dutiful mother but never a loving one’ and suddenly this all changes because she’s lost almost all her kids..like i get that we can’t see her inner thoughts or monologue from her or anything, and i understand that she may have been going through her own share of the struggle of fighting back trauma and getting enough strength to do this, but i personally cannot see jess truly forgiving her for what she’s done—or for that matter, what she hasn’t done that so deeply hurt him that in a&q when asked for his mother’s jewels by thomas, jess promptly responds that he’s ‘lucky to have a thief for a friend.’ and when wolfe overhears his schemes with khalila and dario and shows jess that if we would’ve just asked celia charity whats-her-name for the jewels, she would’ve gladly given them over, he has this reaction of just pure anguish and fury; how can wolfe be so sure? how could wolfe understand what he went through, and even more so, how can he just talk about his mother as if she ever truly loved him, cared for him as a mother should, when throughout his eighteen years of living and struggling to keep himself above water from the storm that callum’s made of his life, she’s simply been an entity in his life. there but not present in his life, a shadow. something not physically attainable to hold and ground himself to a reality - and it’s that real sort of reaction from jess who’s just at this point completely given up on the hope of receiving motherly love from this enigma in his life, knowing he probably should give up hope that she’d treat him with any sort of actual care because he knows he’d just be disappointed with the outcome, and yet still holding onto that fragile piece that maybe she could. i personally feel like the end of sword and pen where jess just automatically declares his love for her is so inaccurate and imo so rushed i feel to get a sort of happy ending for the brightwell family. and like i said earlier, we don’t know at all what celia was going through and i understand it would’ve taken time for her to build up the courage to stand up to callum herself, but its so sporadic in the end, so- abrupt, that it seems not really fleshed out enough to truly be something anyone would consider forgiving in the moment, but we’ll give jess benefit of the doubt. he’s still freshly grieving morgan and his twin (i should probably write something ab that too) so maybe his reaction to just immediately cling onto a semblance of love someone from his blood family could offer was more instinctual, more him trying to grasp that feeling that no one in his family could’ve given him up until that point. but even then, even when charity couldn’t stand up to callum and his cruel ways and couldn’t get herself out from under his boot, it didn’t leave her unable to bond with her sons. it didn’t suddenly stop her from getting the chance to at least try and protect them from what she knew was going on, what they were going through. and at the beginning of the series i just assumed she rarely even cared for them, because remember callum only married her for money and power and probably some other toxic and self-centered desire i can’t think of, but when it’s revealed she does care for them, it makes it even more confusing. did she not talk to them in hopes of them just never bonding so she could, at least maybe for a small time, ignore the mistake she’d made of marrying callum and the consequences that came with it, and suddenly when she’s ready to acknowledge those consequences, she comes to jess’ aid? was it for some desire that maybe she could protect them? i just dont get it.

[minalblood]

Ep 2 is here now and I gotta say, the fact that Lata just finds all things monster fascinating is my fav thing cuz that is just me. Her playing with the jaw of the zombie was adorable and I wish i could've done the same. Carlos finding it disturbing just added to the charm of the whole scene.

Millie immediately yelling at John before he even got the chance to exit the car was oof, big oof. Mainly cuz it reminded me of my own mother's control tendencies. And because of that, I also tend to try and understand her point: admittedly John could've died and she wouldn't have know anything til after the fact. I get that fear, especially after the 2 years of no contact and likely a not good break before that with John at war. But fuck if she didn't just make it way harder for John to ever try bridging that gap or learning actual skills on dealing with conplex shit like that because she was just unreasonable about it all and taking it out on him. And the fact that La Tunda is actually calm when talking to John later is sooo interesting. I can't say she was nicer than Millie, cuz she wasn't but it def counts as another of those [insert crowley here saying :so my demons were too polite?] moments. I just found it all soo interesting and I have to add thay sadly her story at the end of the episode where she tells John about her and Henry's dealing with arguements doesnt actually help her case too much because of how she reacted initially. All thay teaches John is that he can take out his fear on others and then smooth it over with an "ull understand when ure older/had kids/been through similar shit" she is somply not constructive at all. But it a bit of an improvement because she, i believe, meant it as an explanation and apology despite it sounding as an excuse to me.

John being clearly not a pro at hunting or even just the type of fighting style hunting requires (and especially with a group of hunters) sent me. It's soo good. And it just makes me think of SPN!John learning to hunt and with the trauma of Mary's death it suddenly seems like even more reasons he didn't engage with a hunter's network. He just isn't a team player in that sense, he's too hyperfocused on his own fight that he loses sight of anyone else, and more than that, he had to have learned to adjust the fighting style he'd known to something that would work for hunting. It was basically ego and refusal to change, surpise surprise. TW!John tho keeps trying even after he fucks up, and while Im sure the constatly getting splashed with monster guts isnt fun, he doesn't have the same hang ups about not being perceived as indestructible. He essentially rolls with the punches and learns and is allowed to have flaws on display. Its not the pedestal SPN!John is put and puts himself on.

Mary's bullheadedness is absolutely fantastic in an extremely frustrating way. She is so fixated on getting through the case as fast as possible so she can get back to finding her dad that I actually got some season 1 Sam vibes from her this episode. I will say I find it soo interesting we got a John focus, cuz we all know the Cambells aren't that off for La Tunda to go for. Carlos giving her a pep talk about it and also admonishing her for her behaviour is def deserved and just top notch friendship tbh. As is the Cabaret gag with Mary, Carlos and Lata. It shows in a small but important way that these 3 def have a history and it's a long and intricate one. And u see even more later after John gets taken. It's in the way they talk to each other even in a high stress situation. Also Mary ackowledging she fucked up and thanking Caelos at the end... ughhhh I love growth.

Ada get to show off a bit more in this one, her scrying was genuinely sooo good, like this episode does a fantastic job of making you ask yourself what is actually up with Ada, whats her deal?? Because on the one hand, she recognized the flower off the top of her head and helped Lata instantly, on the other hand the way the scrying was shot was almost unnearving. And im not sure if it's cuz spn got me/us used to seeing scrying done by villains or as a subterfuge tactic or what, but yea, it added another air of mystery to Ada. And then u you have her conversation with Millie which has a hell of a ripple effect cuz I genuinely believe it's that converation that led to her actually trying with John at the end a bit. It's not solving anything broken there yet, but it does help. And adding ehat we know of about Ada's past to this makes me cry cuz shes just trying to prevent Millie from making the same mistake she had basically.

Carlos was more mediator this episode. Between the Lata and Carlos show (as per usual their friendship is everything to me) and seeing the complexity of that relationship as it stands and their dynamic with each other, to lecturing Mary on her behaviour, to just being highly competent at the job overall. Like they might not have done too much in the foreground, but damn if it wasn't a shitton of background work there. You can tell here that for all the "Im a solo act " bravado, Carlos is actually very much a team player and it's due to the emotional inteligence they have thats on full display here, in their usual jokey manner of course, that thats the case.

Aaaannd we get the 1st mention of Betty in this. I won't touch on that in this one but I like Betty a lot.

The end of this episode is my fav thing. Because it's pizza and joking and hanging out beside having the plot move forward once Ada brings up what shes been up to this episode. And still the focus isn't on the demon memories, but on them bonding. Uhhhh I love it.

We also have the 1st glimpse of the Akrida and if you were skulking around here when the show was airing in autumn u know I think the Akrida are adorable and I want a plushy with them. So the pure joy the shot of who we now know is likely Roxy with all them little critters around gave me cannot be overstated.

This ep def is much better paced than the Pilot, and also just lays clear the main there of this show, which is intergenerational trauma. It literally slaps u with it, it's front and centre and will continue to be shown in its many varried forms as the show progressed and I fucking love it for that because ultimately that is what Dean is doing here, beside once more saving the world. He is like i said, woeking through his own intergenerational trauma through these young versions of his parents that haven't yet had more trauma pilled onto them.

Stay tuned for ep 3 whenever I find the time to rewatch it!

[wixhing0nastar]

So I’m finally sitting down and watching Season 2 of Warrior Nun (I’ve been super sick for the last two weeks but I’ve let it play in the living room over a dozen times for the views) but first I wanted to rewatch Season 1.

Season 1 rewatch thoughts below the cut! Season 2’s coming soon!

First thought: fucking hate Mother Francis or whatever her name is, like, as a disabled person myself learning what she’d done to Ava and the other kids at the orphanage was rough.

On that note though, I do want to give WN props for its surprisingly good representation when it comes to Ava’s disability. Maybe a little-known fact outside of disabled communities, but narratives like Ava’s where the person is magically cured by something are normally pretty unpopular (with us) and offensively written.

But the way it's handled is actually really good! Sure, Ava can magically walk and use her arms again, but we see repeatedly that she struggles with pretty basic (for an able-bodied person) things because she was never in a position to learn them. And even more impressive is how they managed to write Ava’s selfish/thoughtless behavior without demonizing her for it and acknowledging that it’s a result of trauma and something that needs to be worked on... like lots if things you have to work on after a long-term traumatic experience.

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I suddenly really want to see Ava and Shannon interact. Like, I know it's impossible on account of Shannon being dead, but I’m very curious what their interactions would look like.

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For some reason, I don't remember the OCS having this much screentime during the earlier episodes... which is good because tbh I really don't vibe with JC’s Drifter group... which is on purpose, we as the audience are drawn into Ava’s narrative and her thoughts and desires and outside of having some uh... Hormonal Feelings towards JC, she doesn't really care about the Drifters outside of having a good time, unlike how she eventually comes to feel out the OCS.

Which, on that note, maybe I’m noticing/paying more attention now because I’ve seen the back half of the season and have come to care about them in retrospect.

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Me Vibrating In My Seat: Look! This random tidbit supports my “Ava is the WN universe’s Second Coming of Christ” theory!

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Okay, another thing I don't think I’ve picked up before was that the flying levitating is a power that’s unique to Ava and that different Warrior Nuns have different “bonus powers” so to speak...

I wonder if, based on Lilith’s reaction during the scene, another one of Ava’s powers is either like... ridiculously high pain tolerance or super rapid healing to the point her brain doesn't register the pain from something as simple as getting hit by a stick?

Because Lilith and Mother Superion both seemed to think it should hurt and I feel like out of everyone they’d know what “standard” Halo-Bearer powers should look like best.

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Ugh Lilith... what sucks is knowing where her character arc is going and this whole “hunting down Ava” thing feels (pardon the pun) saintly in comparison to where she’s going.

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The Mary/Ava episode is probably my favorite episode of Season 1. Just, peek comedy with a mix of feels and lore, aka: perfection.

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Camila showing up to a knife fight with an automatic machine gun (after Ava was just shot with an arrow) is also peek comedy. “I really hope I got God’s message right.” Which I only just realized is a call back to the last conversation with Beatrice.

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Also just... knowing that Ava’s biggest fear is being alone, and like... the joy radiating off of her when Mary, Beatrice, and Camila are taking care of her while she’s injured hurts. Like... after the way Mother Bitch treated her for being quadriplegic, it was such a surprising experience to be taken care of so tenderly by people she’d only known for like... a week? After spending 12 years being told she was nothing but a burden by her own caretaker. No wonder she’s willing to die for them down the line.

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Also, forgot to say anything during the episode, but I love how the two women we’ve kind of seen as primary antagonists up to this point (Jillian and Mother Superion) are both developed into sympathetic characters (and future allies) during the same episode, which is also right around the time Father Vincent starts seeming a little sus (even though it’s hard to tell because everyone else is even more sus).

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Ah... the scene that started it all. I do love Beatrice’s coming out scene. It’s so beautifully done and I love Ava’s reaction, not just as someone who ships them. Like... Ava struggles a bit with empathy, when JC told her about his mom she didn't really seem to care all that much, but when Beatrice is opening up about her own messed up history and is clearly upset, you can almost see the switch getting flipped in Ava’s mind and she becomes genuinely serious and concerned for one of the first times in the show...

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I love heists!

That’s it. That’s the comment.

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The reveal that the main characters have been unknowingly aiding the bad guys the whole time is just... perfection.

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AAAND THERE’S THE CLIFFHANGER! Can’t say I’m upset I won’t have to wait another two years to watch the next episode, lol.