#it's been years and our tv in the living room still doesnt have a functional remote (we leave it on one channel 24/7 anyway for background

[bunnyb34r]

Idk why I like doing these mini doll room/houses so much considering how much I hate measuring and how badly instructions fuck me up 😭 I guess it being pictures more than words and being able to guesstimate the measurements on some parts is why but 😭😭 idk

[qqueenofhades]

Hi. You made a post a couple of days ago about how queer historical fiction doesnt need to be defined only by homophobia. Can you expand on that a bit maybe? Because it seems interesting and important, but I'm a little confused as to whether that is responsible to the past and showing how things have changed over time. Anyway this probably isn't very clear, but I hope its not insulting. Have a good day :)

Hiya. I assume you're referring to this post, yes? I think the main parameters of my argument were set out pretty clearly there, but sure, I'm happy to expand on it. Because I'm a little curious as to why you think that writing a queer narrative (especially a queer fictional narrative) that doesn't make much reference to or even incorporate explicit homophobia is (implicitly) not being "responsible to the past." I've certainly made several posts on this topic before, but as ever, my thoughts and research materials change over time. So, okay.

(Note: I am a professional historian with a PhD, a book contract for an academic monograph on medieval/early modern queer history, and soon-to-be-several peer-reviewed publications on medieval queer history. In other words, I'm not just talking out of my ass here.)

As I noted in that post, first of all, the growing emphasis on "accuracy" in historical fiction and historically based media is... a mixed bag. Not least because it only seems to be applied in the Game of Thrones fashion, where the only "accurate" history is that which is misogynistic, bloody, filthy, rampantly intolerant of competing beliefs, and has no room for women, people of color, sexual minorities, or anyone else who has become subject to hot-button social discourse today. (I wrote a critical post awhile ago about the Netflix show Cursed, ripping into it for even trying to pretend that a show based on the Arthurian legends was "historically accurate" and for doing so in the most simplistic and reductive way possible.) This says far more about our own ideas of the past, rather than what it was actually like, but oh boy will you get pushback if you try to question that basic premise. As other people have noted, you can mix up the archaeological/social/linguistic/cultural/material stuff all you like, but the instant you challenge the ingrained social ideas about The Bad Medieval Era, cue the screaming.

I've been a longtime ASOIAF fan, but I do genuinely deplore the effect that it (and the show, which was by far the worst offender) has had on popular culture and widespread perceptions of medieval history. When it comes to queer history specifically, we actually do not know that much, either positive or negative, about how ordinary medieval people regarded these individuals, proto-communities, and practices. Where we do have evidence that isn't just clerical moralists fulminating against sodomy (and trying to extrapolate a society-wide attitude toward homosexuality from those sources is exactly like reading extreme right-wing anti-gay preachers today and basing your conclusions about queer life in 2021 only on those), it is genuinely mixed and contradictory. See this discussion post I likewise wrote a while ago. Queerness, queer behavior, queer-behaving individuals have always existed in history, and labeling them "queer" is only an analytical conceit that represents their strangeness to us here in the 21st century, when these categories of exclusion and difference have been stringently constructed and applied, in a way that is very far from what supposedly "always" existed in the past.

Basically, we need to get rid of the idea that there was only one empirical and factual past, and that historians are "rewriting" or "changing" or "misrepresenting" it when they produce narratives that challenge hegemonic perspectives. This is why producing good historical analysis is a skill that takes genuine training (and why it's so undervalued in a late-capitalist society that would prefer you did anything but reflect on the past). As I also said in the post to which you refer, "homophobia" as a structural conceit can't exist prior to its invention as an analytical term, if we're treating queerness as some kind of modern aberration that can't be reliably talked about until "homosexual" gained currency in the late 19th century. If there's no pre-19th century "homosexuality," then ipso facto, there can be no pre-19th-century "homophobia" either. Which one is it? Spoiler alert: there are still both things, because people are people, but just as the behavior itself is complicated in the premodern past, so too is the reaction to it, and it is certainly not automatic rejection at all times.

Hence when it comes to fiction, queer authors have no responsibility (and in my case, certainly no desire) to uncritically replicate (demonstrably false!) narratives insisting that we were always miserable, oppressed, ostracised, murdered, or simply forgotten about in the premodern world. Queer characters, especially historical queer characters, do not have to constantly function as a political mouthpiece for us to claim that things are so much better today (true in some cases, not at all in the others) and that modernity "automatically" evolved to a more "enlightened" stance (definitely not true). As we have seen with the recent resurgence of fascism, authoritarianism, nationalism, and xenophobia around the world, along with the desperate battle by the right wing to re-litigate abortion, gay rights, etc., social attitudes do not form in a vacuum and do not just automatically become more progressive. They move backward, forward, and side to side, depending on the needs of the societies that produce them, and periods of instability, violence, sickness, and poverty lead to more regressive and hardline attitudes, as people act out of fear and insularity. It is a bad human habit that we have not been able to break over thousands of years, but "[social] things in the past were Bad but now have become Good" just... isn't true.

After all, nobody feels the need to constantly add subtextual disclaimers or "don't worry, I personally don't support this attitude/action" implied authorial notes in modern romances, despite the cornucopia of social problems we have today, and despite the complicated attitude of the modern world toward LGBTQ people. If an author's only reason for including "period typical homophobia" (and as we've discussed, there's no such thing before the 19th century) is that they think it should be there, that is an attitude that needs to be challenged and examined more closely. We are not obliged to only produce works that represent a downtrodden past, even if the end message is triumphal. It's the same way we got so tired of rape scenes being used to make a female character "stronger." Just because those things existed (and do exist!), doesn't mean you have to submit every single character to those humiliations in some twisted name of accuracy.

Yes, as I have always said, prejudices have existed throughout history, sometimes violently so. But that is not the whole story, and writing things that center only on the imagined or perceived oppression is not, at this point, accurate OR helpful. Once again, I note that this is specifically talking about fiction. If real-life queer people are writing about their own experiences, which are oftentimes complex, that's not a question of "representation," it's a question of factual memoir and personal history. You can't attack someone for being "problematic" when they are writing about their own lived experience, which is something a younger generation of queer people doesn't really seem to get. They also often don't realise how drastically things have changed even in my own lifetime, per the tags on my reblog about Brokeback Mountain, and especially in media/TV.

However, if you are writing fiction about queer people, especially pre-20th century queer people, and you feel like you have to make them miserable just to be "responsible to the past," I would kindly suggest that is not actually true at all, and feeds into a dangerous narrative that suggests everything "back then" was bad and now it's fine. There are more stories to tell than just suffering, queer characters do not have to exist solely as a corollary for (inaccurate) political/social commentary on the premodern past, and they can and should be depicted as living their lives relatively how they wanted to, despite the expected difficulties and roadblocks. That is just as accurate, if sometimes not more so, than "they suffered, the end," and it's something that we all need to be more willing to embrace.

[dahyeri]

I don’t know why the sunset seems so scary to me right now

I keep looking out of my window and looking at the sun and feeling angry at it. I think it’s because when the sun sets, I know that that’s just another day gone by and time still moves like nothing ever happened... it moves and things become more final

I can’t say i’m surprised about how much this has affected me. I used to be one of those people that when a celebrity died i couldn’t empathise with the people that had followed them closely, were their ‘biggest fans’ and what not. I’d always think “It’s sad..... but how can someone feel that distraught over someone they don’t even know?” 

But Jonghyun meant a lot to me. Not in the way that he would to people who know him, I’m obviously no comparison, but people touch our lives in so many different ways and he really touched mine. My life for the past 5 years has been full of lots of ups and downs, and even in the worst times I was able to look to shinee and jonghyun for solace. I also felt a lot of pride for the work he did, he always put so much effort and love and devotion and dedication and heart into everything he did and music meant so much to him and you could just feel it everytime you listened to his songs, and i would always take that feeling with me and use it to make me feel better.

I guess it breaks my heart to think he thought leaving this way was the only option. And sometimes when i’m crying i feel selfish in that theres real people that knew him and who were in his life that are grieving right now and i’m just a stupid girl sobbing in my room somewhere and he’ll never know who i am. I’m not surprised by the fact that i’m upset over this, I’m more surprised about the....feeling? I never expected something like this to hit me so hard. And it’s difficult when you feel its unjustified, you have such a horrible heartbroken feeling, you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you constantly cry and everything makes you angry just by the sight of it existing, but then what use is it? I actually have a take home exam i’m supposed to be doing right now. I’m in the middle of finals but I just can’t function properly but of course he was never a family member, or a friend to me so I have to be expected to just move through it because i have no excuse. But he really felt like a friend. I remember looking through my posts today and finding a photo of him from maybe a couple of years ago, and one of my tags said ‘he looks like he could give me a really nice really warm hug’ and i believe it.  He alwayed inspired he every time he spoke, i would always read quotes from blue night and be shocked by just how eloquent and thoughtful is in everything he says. He gave so much love to the people around hime, even to those he didn’t know well, but i can’t stop thinking about how he couldn’t afford himself the same privilege  tw suicide/death

and everytime i think of him i cant help but think about how lonely he must have been at that moment. Sometimes its just one simple spur of the moment thought that makes people do it and then they’re thankful someone came and saved them in the knick of time and then they live long, good lives and it just makes me sad and angry that this didnt happen to him that he stood there in that moment and whether he was afraid or not he still went through with it and i cant even image how painful it must have been... and even the hours and days and weeks leading up until that moment, was he ever happy? sometimes there are things in life that can be that spark to make you keep going, and i see so many of those things in his life but obviously the pain was too great.  i guess the sunset makes me angry because i know it means he’s just getting colder and there won’t be any warmth in that body anymore and whether you believe in heaven or a second life or anything of that kind i feel like it doesnt matter because of how final it all is. 

And there’s a certain kind of..dissonance to all that i see of him and what he did. I’ve watched funny videos of him to make myself feel better, to see him happy and laughing and making others laugh but then as soon as it ends i am struck with the though of him killing himself and i can’t stop shaking. such a beautiful person shouldn’t ever be related to such horrific acts this never should have happened to him

i find it harder when someone you hear the voice of everyday, see so many times is the one to go, because their presence is so normal and you feel like you’ve taken advantage of it. i feel like i’ve taken advantage of it. I’m not really a mourning person, death hasn’t really touched my life and when my grandma died i didnt cry. i guess i was really young and couldn’t quite understand death at that time, but now with jonghyun the years of my life that i spent knowing him were some of the hardest, and losing him has ben like losing some of the ground underneath that i stand on and i can’t pick myself up I still can’t believe it. I’m the kind of person that actively seeks out information on these things, it seems self destructive but i would rather look at things on my own terms than be caught off guard by a stray facebook post i never wanted to see.  And there’s so many regrets i have and so many thoughts that i can’t stop thinking about at the same time. I keep thinking about how much pain he must have been in at that moment, i think of his sister and how much she has to carry with her now for the rest of her life, i think about the possibility of how if they had just been that bit faster maybe he’d still be here, i keep thinking about shinee and when they must have last saw jonghyun, what did they say? was it something they regretted?, how they’ll make it through the next days, months, years, i think of his mother and everything she must be feeling. I just have so many thoughts and each one is worse than the next but then i think about my role in it all and i cant help it. I think about how i was studying while he killed himself, how i had a slight headache when they found him, how i was probably laughing at a joke somewhere across the city while this was all happening. I wonder why i dismissed going to his concert when i had the chance, “nah, i’ll wait till the full shinee concert” and think did i take him for granted? i loved him, but did i love him enough?  And to say you ‘love’ someone in this context is so strange, because theyre not directly part of youre life and yet you feel so close to them. For a long time i loved how he helped me when i needed it, i loved how funny he was in his dopey silly way, i loved his voice and the emotion that flowed through it, i loved his smile that i thought “i want to see this, up close someday”, i love how incredibly intelligent he was and i always thought i’d found someone i could look up to and strive to be like. I loved the love he gave to others, including myself, but i feel selfish for taking everything he had to give and leaving him empty. I didn’t want to write this in past tense, but i guess i had to. Seeing things like death date on his profile makes everything so surreal. I think “but, this can’t happen to him, it’s jonghyun” or “there must be some mistake”. I look at the words “died” over and over and over again until i cry and cry and then i look away only to look back again and do the same. It still doesn’t feel real, it feels real and yet it doesn’t I want to be positive like other people have, and say that i’m happy for the time that he was in my life. But i can’t help but think of what he was going through at this time. It feels like i had years and years to do something, anything, but i know this what out of my hands which makes me feel worse and helpless. I really am not the kind of person to write things like this at all. Again, i never understood why people did this when celebrities died but now i know. i know too well. My heart aches in ways i never thought it would and even with how much i’ve said it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what i’m feeling.  I also hate being here, its the first time that i’ve truly hated being in seoul. I didnt want to go outside because all i could see is the snow that came down yesterday and it reminded me of him, i don’t want to see people going on with their lives, i don’t want to see the daily routine of things and time passing by. I feel like i can just shut myself in my room and grieve in my own space because thats the only way i know how to cope. But when i look out my window, and i see the road near my house, and i know that if i followed that road, if i just kept following it and all of it twists and different streets then i know i would end up where he is, where they all are, and i just which i wasnt constantly aware of its existence.  Some part of me wants to go there, to just stand outside so theres some kind of finality and closure but i don’t know if that would make it worse. i dont know what will make it better. i dont know what ‘it’ is but whatever it is it hurts.  This is a kind of shock i’ve never experienced, and i’m trying hard to validate my feelings. i’m trying to take care of myself but who knew that would be so difficult too? I guess my main feelings right now are anger and fear. Anger for the pain he was in all these years, anger for what he felt he had to do to himself, anger at everyone and everything, rational or irrational i am just angry. And i fear what comes next. I’m scared of all the things people have to say, i’m scared of the funeral to come, i’m scared of turning the tv on and seeing the news and becoming acutely aware of the reality of it all, i’m scared about what lives will be like after this, i’m scared of my own feelings and how to cope with them.  Obviously things get better with time, but not for everyone. I admit i’m a sensitive person, i often think and cry about the day my dog will die because of how old he is and how much he means to me. So i wonder now that i will be part of the unfortunate category of people that never recover from these things. and you might think “i know you’re hurting right now, and that’s why you feel this way. but give it time and you’ll look back at yourself and just feel sad that you felt this way”. But i know myself, and i know my feelings. I know how things affect me, and i felt this, and still feel it, so deep inside myself that i don’t think it will go away anytime soon.  I wonder when i will stop crying, or i at least wonder when i will be able to function properly. I’m aware that i could fall back into mild depression, i’m at a dangerous point where this incident is combined with the fact that i have most of my major exams and i can’t fail them but with what im feeling i havent been able to do anything and i just feel like i cant muster enough of my energy to care. How have i preoccupied the entire 10 or so hours ive been awake with nothing but thought of him? with nothing but tears for him? It’s sadder now knowing when these things happened, when i was on the brink or at my lowest i always turned to him, and to shinee. i guess its ironic now.  This is so dumb and emotional but i just want to scream!!! and cry and weep and sob and i have to get it out otherwise it just hurts too much. The words ‘hurt’ and ‘pain’ i’ve used too much i know but until i have better words to describe what i’m feeling, what has happened, then i’ll be using them

Remember 1of1? it feels kind of cruel now to think they went off a concept based solely on them being a whole unified unit of 5. 

5.

5. 

Is it karma? to think that while jonghyun was suffering, and i was taking his voice and his music and his thoughts and feelings with me and using them for my own gains, that the only thing i was ever thinking was “i hope shinee never disbands. I don’t know what i’d do without them. i’m so so scared of that day, what would i do after that?”. It seems so small now. I was scared of how i would feel when they parted ways but still lives long happy lives, so now my feelings are so beyond that that im struggling to conceptualise them. It’s difficult for people with mental health issues. We invest our feelings in things that we think will help us through hard times, and even as i think about it i dont think there was anything else that i invested my feelings in. it was always shinee. Theres a certain kind of joy you feel when you engage with things that comfort you thats unlike anything else, its like a big sigh or exhale of breathe and a feeling that you can just forget about everything and just be in the moment with them. Jonghyun always made me feel that way, no matter what.

I’m still trying to express the magnitude of what i feel right now but i can’t..... i would probably type for hours but it still won’t cut it. I see pictures of his face and i have mixed reactions because i know hes gone but i feel like he isnt. I see his pictures everyday, so how is today any different? my brain can’t comprehend the difference and i’m scared about what will happen when it does. 

But i won’t feel stupid anymore for how i’m feeling. It’s justified, and its justified for everyone else. I just wish other people could see that so i didnt feel so alone

I don’t want to say goodbye. Even typing that i feel silly, but i just wish he knew how loved he was. I want to pick myself up and imagine him in a better place somehow but its hard. I want to look at the sunset again and not find it so incredibly terrifying, i want to walk outside again and not have to think about how you’ll never have the feeling of the cold on your fingers when the wind gets too strong, or how you’ll never see the snow fall again and settle on the trees, or how you’ll never see that sunset and think “what a good day it was to live”. Why is it so unfair that i have to see these things and know you never will again.

I loved him so much, i love him so much. and i’m so so so sorry for absolutely everything. i’m so incredibly sorry. I hope you feel better now and know so many people love you, i love you i love you You did well.

[soulshapeslifestyleinteriors]

6 Secrets to Styling Small Spaces

 Hey there, hope your all well!

Thanks for stopping by!

Some of you may know that my hubby and I have been renovating a little mountain house in the beautiful Dandenong Ranges Melbourne Australia. This gorgeous property sits on the side of a mountain and although cute and cosy, is a little lacking in the square footage department (as a good cottage should ;). During the last year I have really been pushing all of my space maximising ideas and I have been able to implement lots of design rules to open up the space. With so many people now embracing apartment living or the new tiny house culture, I thought I'd share my 6 'Secrets to Styling Small Spaces".

 1. Glass Furniture - Glass furniture is my favourite way to take a space from crowded, closed in and dull, to open, airy with a touch of lux. Now it doesnt matter what style your into , you can always work in a couple of key glass pieces. Why does glass open up a space? Think of how your eye views objects, take a moment to look around the room your in now. Find something large and solid, perhaps a bookshelf, dining table, desk. Now notice the space it occupies. now, imagine if you could see through it. Obviously if the piece became transparent, your eyes continue through the object to the wall/objects behind. This creates the illusion of more space. When I’m designing small spaces, replacing one large piece with a glass selection is just a no brainer. It’s such a win win situation in any interior, ✔️yes we have a functional piece, ✖️no we haven’t lost any visual space. Glass furniture, ticks lots of tiny home boxes whilst bringing in a reflective piece that will lift and inject a little high end vibe.

 2. Mirrors- Aghhhh I love playing around with mirrors and again, it’s all about creating an illussion of space. What better way to trick the eye into thinking their is more space than to make a wall disappear or open up. If you have a really small space, let’s say a living or dining room, try installing mirror pannels on a full wall or even just a large framed rectangle mirror placed horizontally, at eye level, across the wall. If you do have the funds to get full wall paneling, think about suitable complimentary tints available, then watch your room instantly double in size. Even if you just strategically place a framed wall mirror, (works fantastic opposite a dining area ;) you will magnify light and create the illusion that the room has a window, which again opens up the eye to feel the room is larger/brighter than it is with just a flat opaque wall. Place a beautiful hanging pendant in line with the mirror & watch your space illuminate with a ‘WOW’moment.

3. Wall Mounted Cabintery- Get as much off the floor as possible! Mounting large cumbersome pieces off the floor is a must in a tiny house. Pieces to consider mounting are  TV units/bathroom vanities/ bed side tables/fold down dining/change tables/banquet seating or perhaps even a fold down bed. Using all that empty wall space and keeping your floors as free from bulk as possible is a logical , practical way to not only keep the flow & function of a tiny house happy, but again it’s creating that illusion of more space available, less space occupied. When furniture is mounted it allows our view of the floor and wall edge underneath to continue, another trick on the eye that works so so good! If the budget permits, it’s a great opportunity to get some custom pieces built tailored exactly to your space. This is when working with an Interior Designer can be so impactful in getting the absolute most out of your tiny house!

4. Furniture With Feet- using the same rationale as I explained above with mounted cabinetry, furniture with feet creates exactly the same illusion. Furniture that sits directly on the floor will always make a space look smaller. Choose sofas with feet to keep the line of sight continuing beyond the sofa. Your mind may not think the space is bigger but your eyes will fall for the illusion and we all know that we think with our eyes! Chunky bedsides are great in large spaces, but not a great idea in small rooms! Get them off the ground with some sexy cigar legs, contemporary metal, or even just a beautiful typical timber leg. It doesn’t matter your style, just get rid of the bulk! The same goes for Buffett’s/sideboards, the more space your eye can see around the rooms perimeter, the happier they will be!

5. Storage -We all know that in every tiny house, clever with your storage is a 101 must. Choose pieces that have a double purpose and keep it clutter free!  Choose beds that have underneath storage or that fold up to the wall and become your wardrobe ( I know cool right!) . Install a bench seat at your entry with shoes storage built in. Create banquette seating with draws underneath. Use your stairs as storage boxes or build in pull out draws. Design a full storage wall that frames your tv and includes entertainment unit, pull out desk and hidden away cupboards + shelving to store files/paperwork/ photo almbums (do people still have those?) If you in a really really tiny house, I have even seen some really clever dining tables that convert into a bed or beds into desks. 

6. Colour Choices - Keep your floors and walls in a similar tone. I prefer a white on white situation to really open up the space, but I have seen this done with some light to mid grey tones and also blonde/warm timbers will create a similar effect. Why keep the floors in the same tones as walls? Again it’s that word illusion and in a tiny house , it’s all about illusions. When the walls and floor flow together seamlessly, the eye can’t distinguish when the room ends and the walls begin. When you have two strong contrasting colours, ei. white walls/black floors your basically creating a space that says ‘ hey look at where the floor ends, right there, I’m so frigging small hey’ lol sorry but you get my point.  Steer away from using too much heavy, dark coloured furniture & accent pieces.  I think if yo do pair your floors and walls in similar tones you can get away with a few black/darker timber pieces in a tiny house, but I feel it’s important to bring in some fresher lighter tones to keep the balance right. Too much contrast between your furniture and walls again starts to create that ‘hey look how small I am’ feeling because your really seeing those walls end against the heavy furniture. Lighter pieces soften the space and don’t highlight things we don’t want to highlight, like the space perimeter. The eye is an amazing part of the human body, but at the end of the day, it is a little silly so we can maximise our experience in a tiny house buy taking advantage of the eyes ability to believe pretty much most of what it sees. Try some of these styling illusions yourself and let me know how you go! If you have any more you want to add for others feel free to below. I could stay here all day and list everything but I need to go get away from my desk for a bit and have a walk! So feel free to help us out with your own suggestions below.

Enjoy your weekend everyone and if your shopping around for some pieces for your tiny house or your large house ;) Be sure to come and check out my store http://www.soulmarkethome.com.au.

We have some beautiful light , fresh pieces perfect for small spaces. We also have our super popular Moonstone Dining table, a compact glass dining table that our tiny house clients love!  

Oh and one more thing, we  now have AFTERPAY which is a super convenient interest free payment option that we are so excited to be able to offer to you all!

 Thanks all

Mxx

[worthsomethingtoday]

Our interview with SupMikecheck

1. What is your names & what do you play in the band? My names Mike and I sing/rap, produce and song write under the artist name SupMikecheck 2. • How did the band get started? When I was growing up I loved watching Blink-182 and the Warped Tour scene and It was difficult for me to find a rock band where everyone was on the same schedule so I began getting into solo alternative Rap/Pop artists that were associated in the warped tour scene. One of which was T Mills. Another artist was Mod Sun and they made me get inspired to make hip hop music that has an alternative flare to it. I remember getting really into Gym Class Heroes, and of course one of the biggest Alternative Rap/HipHop bands of the time Hollywood Undead. To this day im mostly listening to rock music I was never really into rap that much. I love that twenty one pilots is killing it right now because their sound is something I kind of aim for. Its hip hop and pop but they are well accepted in the Warped Tour scene. 3. •What has the funniest thing that has every happened to you on stage? Over the years ive matured a lot but some of my older lyrics were a little embarrassing and I just remember playing one of my dirty songs and looking out into the crowd and there was a Grandma singing and dancing. And After the show like a 50 year old mom came to me and said she had to calm her mother (the Grandma) down because she was getting too excited. It was gnarly. But Im done with a lot of those dirty songs im trying to keep my music pretty clean now. 4. •If you had 1 million dollars in the music industry what would you use it for? Aw man, well I guess id buy myself onto some cool tours, Id definitely buy some features from my favorite artists. Its probably not much to Blink-182 but id propose a collaboration with them, I would want a Skrillex collab. I was always the biggest From First To Last fan ever. An artist that I listen to all the time who Ive met a few times, Blackbear Id probably hit him up for a feature or something. I feel like contacting artists telling them I randomly got 1 million dollars none of them would really believe me or answer me though lol. 5. • If you could tour with any band or musician dead or alive who would it be with & why? Blink-182, Sleeping With Sirens, Good Charlotte, Twenty One Pilots, Fall Out Boy, Metro Station, Travis Mills, Mod Sun, MGK, Blackbear, Jake Miller, id really be down to tour with anyone. I would probably feel most comfortable with bands I've talked to on twitter or in real life because they atleast know who I am. I know my fans are open minded though and they would come out for anyone. 7. What do you think of the media frenzy over mental illness meaning should we talk about it more in the world? I think its important to have more role models available to talk to. Especially some of these bands that people look up to. It should be natural for them to be there directly for their fans who look up to them and look to them for answers. I think some bands love making music but they don't realize the impact it has on people and what else actually comes with it. Your actions are always being watched and you can't really change that responsibility whether you want that or not. My fans almost become my brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. I know many by name and I always do what I can to give advice. I have strong relationships with my fans some just through DMs but I give advice on all kinds of things, music, relationships, rough family life, etc. and I think all bands should be able to atleast hear someone out, but a lot dont and it sucks. Because getting ignored constantly by your favorite band will only depress you more. Life is weird but sometimes you need to hear everything is going to be okay by someone important to you. 8. Have you ever dealt with depression or any other mental illness & if so how did you handle it? Yes all the time really, most of my depression is from my love life. Its just been a whirlwind. Some other things that upset me is how disconnected I am to my family because they dont support my music no matter how successful and how much money I get they just want me in a suit and tie with my hair parted to the side, working 9-5 with a wife and kids and basically societies views of normal lol and thats just someone I can never be. How Im alive today and handling life is a few things. One, always stay occupied, listen to music with headphones put on a bunch of movies or get into a TV Show with a lot of seasons because it will keep your mind running and not focusing on the bad. Two, is go out as much as you can, its terrible to be home when depressed, try and go to your friends and if your friends aren't around or something, go out somewhere alone where people will be. There's times I'll drive to Walmart alone and buy snacks just to get out of my room. Its actually really helpful! And finally well for myself, I just can see all my followers and Im put on somewhat of a level so I want to be strong for them and live a long life for them. Its kind of like the parent that loves his kids. You wouldn't want to take your life because your love for them overweighs the depression life is hitting you with. 9. What would you say has been the most difficult or hardest part of your life so far? Relationships are really hard, people are cruel and thats just a fact. Also Ive never been in a financially happy place, and just as things are bad they can get even worse in the blink of an eye. Like the other day I paid off all my bills and than got in a car accident and totaled my car. So finances are a big thing that effects my mood. I also don't like living in New Jersey or the town I grew up in so as of now I face living in a place I hate every single day. And then like I said previously my family and I just don't click so I'm alone on that one. 10. What would you tell a fan that is struggling with self harm? Well firstly, I understand why you are doing it. Its important to understand why someone is doing it because its something very serious and they normally have an emotional reason behind it, so I would listen. Id then tell them all my methods I mentioned earlier which is to listen to music, watch long movies, watch sports just keep your mind off things and constantly jogging. And if you need a friend who understands you than try and make it to a concert because the people at concerts most of the time are very much similar to yourself. 11. What is like when a fan comes up too you & tells them your music saved there life or get them though hard times in life? Even being a pretty new and not wildly famous artist I have had this happen before. I just felt great It made me feel like my life has meaning. And that single remark is enough to make me continue music forever. Even if I get a hateful comment now it just doesnt effect me anymore after hearing someone say that I helped save their life. That was one person all I want is to increase that number as much as I can while doing what I love. 12. Does any of your songs talk about anything dealing with depression or self harm or anything along them lines. Yeah definitely. From my last album I have a song called "Life's Not Fair" which is about a personal experience of life being difficult. "One Of Those Days" is a really solid song of me being really honest about my life and having a bad day. "Aint That Bad" is a song of victory and seeing through all the bad going on. "SINGle" is about being single and it sucking. From the first and very old album "Tears At Midnight" was written for a girl going through depression. My serious lyrics have really always been my strong spot. 13. What would you tell some ones that scared to ask for help because they don't wanna be looked at differently. Try an anonymous or behind closed doors approach. Sometimes people are scared because they dont want their name out there and linked to the problems. So find an app that will keep your name anonymous and you might feel more comfortable talking about your troubles. Also if you're shy to do things in the open try DMing someone because DMs or a little more comfortable knowing not everyone can read it. Talk only when you are ready because truth be told some people cope without having to talk and bring things to light. 14. Do you think we as society should be able to have a conversation about mental health without being judge or looked at differently & do you think we should be able to talk about it in our school systems? I think so because its very very common. Its just an emotion that everyone has more than others or less than others. Just like how some people dont get as hungry as easy as others but the difference is those people dont judge those who are hungrier than them so why should mental health be any different? I don't know, but it is. People will always judge until everyone can get on the same page with it. It would be amazing to be in schools, as the band Brand New sang "back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart..." And that is extremely true. Because schools just waste our time reading books and answering questions like "What was the color of Mrs' blahblahblah's dress in Chapter 5 (of some pointless book we're reading in class)" 15. Do you think the media should look at mental health in a positive light, more then just jumping to conclusions on the news? I just think a lot of people who suffer from any form of depression can still be really good at a lot of things. You can be depressed and still happy at the same time. I know that makes little sense in text but its true. Its kind of like how I live, im upset about a lot of things but im still functioning and really talented and think highly of myself so what we need is the media to see the strength and bravery of these people like "Wow its amazing that they can still get up there and perform despite suffering from depression" or for someone who is anti social and scared to leave the house a positive thought could be "Wow its nice to see someone who is shy and hurting leave the house, I hope they know how strong they are and how amazing they actually are." we just need to love eachother more and compliment eachother more. Any compliment left unsaid just goes to waste.