#it's called planning ahead so that i'm not spending the next 10+ years working on an endless project (again) 😆

[genericpuff]

gonna be a bitch on main for a sec but i always find it really funny when folks say "why does this puff person waste their time and energy and skills making spite fic, they could be making original projects instead of tying themselves down to LO"

and i'm over here like

[danieyells]

@mayoigotokurousagi also asked for Sho, so here are my favorite of Sho's voicelines! He's a lil more chill--most of the excitement for him is because Leo's causing him trouble, so maybe there won't be as many since it's just him? (Spoiler: i still put nearly all of them, or it feels that way. . . .)

Also sorry this one took way longer haha i had to do some irl stuff and i was pretty tired too lol. . .may not get to the next ones for a few days since i have to wake up early tomorrow and i work double shifts all weekend. But i'll try and find time for it.

May 27th 2025, added the year 2 birthday lines!

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Hey,  good timing. You got a second?" お、センパイ。いいとこに来たわ。ちょっと付き合ってくんね？

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"You got a message. Gonna check it or what?" おい、なんか通知来てっけど。見なくていいのか？　それ

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"Here you go, Bonnie. Barbecue sandwiches, your favorite." ほら、食えよボニー。お前の好きなＢＢＱサンドだぜ

"Huh? Was that your stomach? You hungry?" ……？　なんだよ。もしかしてあんた、腹減ってんの？

"Pit's on again? I'm done with that already. They're all normies—what's the point?" あ？　また地下で騒いでんのか？ 俺はもうやんねぇよ……パンピー相手にしても仕方ねぇだろ

the word he uses for 'normie' here means 'commoner' lmao

"Yeah I got it, you want to train. You go ahead, I'll catch up." はいはい、トレーニングっすよね。もうちょいしたら行くんで

"Did you just see a creep in a black mask over there? ...Nah, never mind. I'm hallucinating." ……今、あそこに黒マスクした胡散臭ぇやつ歩いてなかったか？ ……いや、なんでもねぇ。幻覚だわ

SO THIS LINE CONFUSED ME AT FIRST because it's always referred to as a blindfold by everyone else? HE'S TALKING ABOUT HYDE HYDE IS JUST STALKING HIM LMAO

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"Too early... What's Leo doing today? Guess I'll text him." ねっみ……玲音のやつ、���日はどうすんだ？ 一応Ｄチャしとくか……

if it's too early for you it's too early for Leo. But also I'm sure he's got something exciting or interesting planned. I like that we're immediately shown he wants to spend time with Leo even when he's tired haha

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Freakin' sasquatch... Would it kill him to approve an R&R permit every once in a while?" ったく、あのデカブツ……外出許可くらい出せっつの

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Class? What's the point? It's all written in the textbooks—all you gotta do is memorize it." 授業？　あんなん出なくても全部教科書に書いてんだからよ。そのまま覚えりゃいいだけだろ？

Doesn't go to class because he's smart enough to memorize the contents of the textbook I guess! Plus he doesn't care as much about Real Missions so knowing how to do the hard stuff doesn't matter to him haha. . .plus first years probably don't learn as much that's not in the textbook too.

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"All right, time to go for a spin. C'mon, Bonnie." うし、軽く流してくっか。行こうぜ、ボニー

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"(yawn) What time is it? Seriously? Damn, overslept." ふぁあ…… 今何時だ……？ マジかよ、寝すぎたわ

Neither he nor Leo sleep at night lmao

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Huh, haven't ridden a skateboard since middle school but I guess I still have the muscle memory. Watch this, I'm gonna do a trick." 中坊ぶりにスケボー乗ったけど、意外と体が覚えてんだな。 トリック決めてやるよ、見ててみ？

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Nice, got an order. More demand than I thought. Getting Leo to make this app was a good call." お、出前の予約が入ったわ……思ったより需要あってよ。 玲音に予約アプリ作らせたの正解だったな

Leo has a line that references this one!

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What's Mido texting me for? come tot hr epuit... Pfft. What the hell is this, some kinda secret code?" あ？　御堂センパイからＤチャ？『血か二個い』って…… ぷっ……なんだこれ、暗号かよ

Ksvdhdisn Alan is adorable. . .i love technologically incompetent characters. Poor bby can't even text. . . . .

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Shit, my whole body's killing me... Sparring five sets of fifteen rounds, are you kidding me? Mido's insane..." クソ、筋肉痛がやべぇ…… 御堂センパイ、スパー１５ラウンド５セットとか正気じゃねぇよ……

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"What am I gonna do tomorrow... Got nothing on, guess I could go to class... That asshole's on the schedule. Pass." 明日どうすっかな……暇だし、たまには授業出とくか？ ……あいつのコマあるわ。やめとこ

Lmao 'i guess i could go to class--wait my brother's teaching one of them tomorrow? Fuck that then.'

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"All right, that's the morning prep done. Guess I'll shower and go back to bed." うし、朝の仕込みはこんなもんか。後は……シャワー浴びて二度寝だな

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"This? It's a fishing rod. Sometimes I catch and filet the fish myself. It's pretty easy, and it saves cash." あ？　これか？　釣り竿だよ。たまに自分で魚釣ってさばくわけ。 簡単だし、コスパ良いだろ？

Fishing with Sho. . .sounds nice and chill. Also did the pc not recognize a fuckin fishing rod. . . .

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"{PC}, there you are. I'm headed to the diner, could you come with and help me carry some stuff?" お、センパイ見っけた。俺、今からダイナー行くんだけどよ。ちょっと荷物持ち手伝ってくんね？

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"You think I look grumpy? The stream for the finals started at 3 AM, what do you want me to do about that? (yawn)" ……あ？　機嫌が悪ぃって？ しょうがねぇだろ……決勝の中継、夜中の３時開始だぜ？ ふぁあ……

Staying up late to watch a basketball game, much like Leo he does not go to bed until the sun's up ordinarily lmao

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Hey... Pfft. What are you panicking for? You need to be somewhere? Hop on—I'll give you a ride." お、センパイじゃん。ぷっ……なんだよその余裕ねぇ顔。 急いでんなら、乗っけてってやろうか？

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You hungry, {PC}? I made lunch, but Leo bailed on me, so I was just gonna eat it myself." センパイ、腹減ってねぇ？ 昼飯作ったんだけどよ。玲音のやつ来ねぇし、食っちまおうと思って

Sho: hey our boyfriend ditched me wanna have lunch with me

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Last year I would've been in a club around this time. Leo was always getting in fights though, so we got banned from almost every joint in Shibuya." 昔はこの時間、毎日クラブいてよ。玲音がすぐ喧嘩すっから、渋谷の箱���とんど出禁になっちまったけどな

Menace boyfriend Leo lmao

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"{PC}, black or white? I'm trying to choose some packaging for the food truck, what'd you think I meant? ...I'll keep it in mind, anyway." センパイさ、白と黒どっちが好き？ ……出前の容器の話なんだけどな。ま、一応覚えといてやるよ

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Geez, it's pretty late. Wait there—I'll give you a ride back." もうこんな時間かよ…… 送ってくわ。そこで待ってろ

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Seriously, it's way too early for this... What? I'm going to class. You're the one who wouldn't shut up about it." はぁ……マジねみぃ…… あ？　今から授業行くんだよ。あんたが行けってうるせぇからだろ

Ordinarily doesn't go to class(a lot of them don't tbh, and Luca says the classes are elective so the ghouls probably don't have to) but will go if you want him to I guess! Leo's gonna call him whipped but Leo already knows he's whipped because he's the one who's been whipping him--

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I've finally got the hang of running this food truck. I want to thank you for helping me out—think of something you want." キッチンカーも大分慣れてきたわ。手伝ってもらった礼もしてぇし、何か欲しいもの、考えといて

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Huh? No, I don't really need any help today... You don't have to make excuses to hang out with me, you know. Just ask." 手伝い？　今日は特にねぇけど…… センパイ、俺と一緒にいたいって、素直に言えば？

"senpai, why don't you just tell me honestly if you wanna be with me?" Is the Japanese here I think and. idk i love that. He's catching on and teasing you a little.

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"What time you planning on heading home, {PC}? Anytime's fine for me. You can stay over if you want." センパイ、今日何時に帰る予定？俺は別に、何時でも…… なんなら、泊まってってもいいぜ？

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Can't sleep? Come over here—I'll warm you up. Pfft... I was kidding, don't get mad." なんだよ……寝れねぇのか？あっためてやるから、こっち来い。 ぷっ……冗談だって。怒んなよ

WERE YOU KIDDING THO. WERE YOU? KINDA HIGH AFFINITY TO JOKE LIKE THAT. AND YOU JUST SAID THEY COULD STAY OVER IF THEY WANTED. . .CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY SHOHEI

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"Here, this helmet's for you. I got some time today, so I'll take you somewhere. Anywhere you wanna go." はい、あんたのメット。今日は時間あっから、センパイの行きたいとこ連れてってやるよ

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"Forget it, I can't keep my eyes open. Wake me when it's noon." 駄目だ。ねみぃ。昼んなったら起こして

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Pretty warm out lately, huh? Bet it's already snorkeling season in Okinawa. I used to go pretty often." もう大分あったかくなってきたな。沖縄じゃ、シュノーケリングできる時期だぜ？　昔はよく行ってたわ

He plays basketball, he skateboards, he fishes, he snorkels, this bitch loves sports lol

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"This? It's chirashizushi. Cuts are pretty chic, right? The idea came to me when I was over in Hotarubi." これか？　ちらし寿司作ってんの、飾り切り渋ぃだろ。 ホタルビ行ったら、こんなイメージが湧いたからよ

Chirashizushi is sushi ingredients cut into small pieces and scattered over sushi rice! It comes in a lot of variation and isn't always made with raw fish like you might expect sushi to be.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"If I can get an R&R permit granted, I want to go for a solo ride. Haven't been for ages, and riding through the cherry blossoms this time of year feels awesome." 外出許可出たらよ、久々にひとりで走りてぇわ。この時期の桜坂辺り、最高に気持ちいんだよな……

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Damn, I'm melting here... I need a haircut. Nah I don't need a barber, I just do it myself. 'Course I'm serious." クソ暑ぃ……そろそろ髪切んねぇとな…… 美容院？　めんどくせぇから自分で切ってっけど。マジだぜ？

Sho really knows a little about everything huh. He cuts his own hair, he memorizes textbooks, he plays every sport, he can cook. . .is there anything Sho can't do? In his character story he even says he played guitar for a little while but hasn't done it lately, so music is probably within his wheelhouse too.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Sweating my ass off over here... It's been like a year since I last played basketball. Mido's core's gotta be made of steel... Oh, is that water for me? Thanks." 暑ぃ！　バスケしたの１年ぶりか？御堂センパイ、体幹強すぎだろ…… お、水くれんの？　サンキュ

actually i'd like to see alan playing basketball too. . .it's nice to know he doesn't just work out by sparring and running, he'll play sports too.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Summer homework? Nah, haven't done it yet. Only takes a day, right? Pfft... You want me to help you?" 夏の課題？　まだやってねぇけど。あんなもん一日で終わるだろ？ ぷっ……センパイ手伝ってやろうか

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Leo won't shut up about wanting to let off fireworks, but no way am I doing that shit with him again. I'm sure you can guess why." 玲音が花火してぇってうるせぇんだけどよ、俺は二度とあいつとはやんねぇって決めてんの。わかんだろ？

wtf was Leo doing with the fireworks that Sho decided he's never settijng off fireworks with him again. . .was he just pointing them at him lmao. Leo also has a line referencing this!

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"Yesterday when I was fishing in the river I saw this guy who looked like one of the Frostheim ghouls out there. Can't have been though, right?" 昨日川釣り行ってきたんだけどよ、フロストハイムの奴に似てんのがいた気がすんだよな……人違いか？

which one. . .i mean if it was Luca he was probably training, but if it was Kaito. . .idk what Kaito would be doing out in the river by himself. . .I know it wasn't Jin but if it was Tohma maybe it was some official business. . .? Or, y'know, spy stuff. . . .

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Geez, don't pipe up outta the blue like that. ...What? You gotta a problem with me reading a book?" ビビった。いきなり声かけんなよ。 ……なんだよ、その顔。俺が本読んでちゃ悪ぃのか？　あ？

sho has been saying like this entire time 'yeah i read and memorize the textbooks instead of going to class' how is the pc so shocked to see him ACTUALLY READING. Then again, i also wouldn't think he's a hobby reader. . .on the other hand he's got like every hobby he can get his hands on, so it makes sense.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Pfft... Hey, {PC}. Come over here. Geez, what're you doing walking around with a leaf in your hair?" ぷっ……【名★前】センパイ、ちょっとこっち来い。 ったく、なんで髪に葉っぱ付けてんだよ……

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Scariest Ghost Videos to Fuel Your Nightmares... I asked a buddy for some good videos to kill the time, and he sent me this..." 『最恐の怨霊ビデオ集』…… ダチに暇つぶしになる動画教えろっつったら、これ送られてきたんだよ

it's hard to tell based on his expression how he feels about this lol

i wonder if he's not really into horror stuff or it makes him feel uneasy after the PC got attacked by Takeru?

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"I get more delivery orders on cold days... It's a pain in the ass, but I guess I'll just wear an extra layer..." 寒ぃ日ってさ、出前の注文やたら増えんだよな…… めんどくせぇけど今日は１枚多めに着とくか……

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Damn, I really wanna go snowboarding. I used to go every year before I ended up here... Think they got a good slope in Frostheim?" マジでスノボ行きてぇ……ここ来る前は、毎年必ず行ってたのによぉ。 フロストハイムで滑れねぇの？

I bet they do I mean rich people would wanna go skiing now and then right? It's just a matter of would they let a vagastromer use them. . .then again what're they gonna do, stop him?

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Huh? I'm looking at a catalog. I could serve hot food if I had an electric pot. I'm thinking about it." ……あぁ？　カタログ見てんだよ。保温ジャーがありゃ、あったけぇメニュー出せんだろ？ 考え中

this makes it sound like his food isn't served hot lol to my understanding he does make everything in advance, not on the spot but i assume he means like. hot-hot. like soups for the winter kind of thing. he should do it! serve up some new england clam chowder.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I'm freezing my ass off... I just saw Mido walk past in a T-shirt. Are his nerve endings dead?" クソ寒ぃ……さっき御堂センパイ、Ｔシャツ１枚で出てったんだけど。自律神経狂ってんじゃねぇ？

Apparently I'm Alan lmao i too experience less cold than other people

His birthday (Year 1): (August 19th)

"What, you're gonna celebrate my birthday? What do I want for a present? Hmm... I'll take you. Just kidding." へぇ、俺の誕生日祝ってくれんの？プレゼント…… じゃあさ、あんたのことくれよ。 なんてな

Y'KNOW I'M SURE THEY WOULDN'T MIND IF YOU WEREN'T KIDDING THO YOU ARE VERY POPULAR then again based on his valentine's day dialogue he knows that lol

His birthday (Year 2): (August 19th)

"You got me a present? Wow, thanks. Oh yeah, you free after this?" 誕生日プレゼント？ マジか……ありがとな。 そうだセンパイ。この後、予定って空いてねぇ？

Your birthday (Year 1):

"Know what this is, {PC}? Yep—an R&R permit. Today's your birthday, right? So, where are we going?" センパイ、これ何だと思う？　そ、外出許可書。 今日、誕生日だろ？どこ行きたいか考えとけよ

I'm beginning to suspect that he heavily values freedom and being able to go where he wants and do what he wants. That includes taking you wherever you wanna go. Even at max affinity he has the same response--'we're going somewhere, anywhere you want.' At max affinity he doesn't mention an R&R permit--which suggests he doesn't care if you get in trouble going out, as long as you actually get to go out. One of the first things we see him talking about relating to Darkwick is asking Leo if he regrets going--I think Sho regrets it. He can't leave whenever he wants, even though he's one of the top students as far as grades, he's more restricted in what he's allowed to do and when. . .so I think these offers to drive you anywhere in total freedom are his ways of showing you what means the most to him. Just. . .being able to do whatever, whenever. I think that's also part of why he likes Leo so much. Leo doesn't let himself be restricted either. Leo gets into fights and into trouble and Sho complains about it but he understands the liberation. Sho wants to see that unrestricted you, I think. Even if it isn't anything extreme, even if it isn't anything exciting. He wants to see what you're like out of Darkwick's cage. So he'll take you on little joyrides into freedom. Show him where you go and what you do when no one's there to stop you.

Your birthday (Year 2):

"Here, this is for you. Pfft… What's with the face? You said you wanted one, didn't you? Happy birthday." ほら、これやるよ。 ぷっ…… なんだその顔。センパイ、それ欲しいっつってただろ？ 誕生日おめでと

He's just such a thoughtful thug haha like. now that he knows you, now that he's spent time with you, he knows exactly what you like, remembers all the things you said you wanted. . . .

New Years: (January 1st)

"What'd I wish for at midnight? For this year to be peaceful... Not that any gods are listening out for us." 新年の願い事ねぇ……今年こそ、平穏無事に過ごせますように…… って、神様叶える気ねぇだろな

Well when you've been chosen by demons. . .yeah, you're probably not on the good side of many gods.

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Yeah, these are all the chocolates I got. No idea how I'm gonna get through them all... So? You didn't get me anything?" ああ、これ全部もらったチョコ。これ食いきんのきちぃんだよな…… で、センパイは俺にくれねぇの？

I'm surprised Leo's wasn't similar to this tbh. Like, Leo's an influencer, why didn't he mention getting a metric fuckton of valentine's day chocolate? I'm happy Sho's loved by the students tho haha.

White Day: (March 14th)

"Baking sweets and cooking are totally different. It's not really in my wheelhouse, but... here. My firsts. Thanks for the chocolates." 菓子作りと料理は別もんだからよ、普段はやんねぇんだけど…… はい。俺の初焼き菓子、お返しにどうぞ

THE FIRST TIME HE EVER BAKED AND IT'S FOR YOU what a sweetheart. considering how good he is at just about everything i'm sure they came out just fine

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Hey, it's snowing outside. Wait, guess that's not so unlikely in this place... I used to get duped by that one all the time when I was a kid." おい、外、雪降ってんぞ？ って、この学園じゃ嘘になんねぇか。ガキの頃、これ何回やられたことか……

we found the one thing he's not good at! pulling pranks!

Halloween: (October 31st)

"You really need an explanation? Leo made me wear it! Shit, why am I always the girl..." ああ？　言わなくてもわかんだろ。玲音に着せられたんだっつの！ クソ、なんで毎年女装なんだよ……

Your boyfriend best friend makes you crossdress for him on Halloween on a yearly basis. . .and you do it!!!

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Sorry for making you help me prep all these roast chicken orders... Wanna do something Christmassy together once we're done?" センパイ、チキンの注文さばくの手伝わせて悪ぃ…… 今日の分片付いたら、俺らもクリスマス楽しもうぜ

Christmas is often considered a holiday spent with a lover in Japan to my understanding. . .what are you suggesting Sho. . . .

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"What're you looking at?" あぁ？　見てんじゃねぇよ

little peek at the delinquent thug vibe lol

(13 affinity and above)

"C'mon. Hurry up, or I'm gonna leave you behind." センパイ、そろそろ行くぞ。早くしねぇと置いてっちまうぜ？

Always on the go, always doing something, he doesn't wanna leave you behind but he won't wait too long so. . .come back already?

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"What took you so long? Your food's cold. Go wash up." 遅ぇよ……あんたの飯、冷めちまっただろ。 さっさと手ぇ洗ってこい

Alright, mom.

I STILL FEEL LIKE I CHOSE A BUNCH THIS ONE IS ALSO ALL OF THEM NOW . . .Sho is pretty lowkey. But after rereading them all and giving it some thought, you can definitely get a feel for his character. He seems like he keeps busy a lot--he's always doing something. Cooking, playing sports, reading, memorizing his textbooks. . .he's confident and comfortable and sometimes he's a bit rough around the edges. And sometimes he's a little flirty too, if he likes you. But that's all part of how confident and self-assured he is--and he has plenty of reason to be when he's so smart and skilled at damn near everything he touches. He acts more like the senpai character here. He's a lot like Haku, except where Haku is a bit lazier and less motivated(although he still works hard) Sho is always on the go. Always up to something, always trying something. He likes to keep busy and doesn't like to sit still--to the point that he even considers going to class when he's got nothing to do during the day. He wakes up and has nothing to do? Let's call Leo, he's usually got something going on. He complains about Alan making him work out so much or go to the pit or play basketball real hard? He still goes and does it anyway. But it seems like he just. . .always wants to be busy. I can't really think of many points he just kinda had downtime. Yeah, he goes fishing and reads and watches basketball(?) but like. . .he's still occupied even then. Then again maybe that's because he's stuck in Darkwick. He'd rather be driving around somewhere or doing some sport but he can't do so much unless he can leave. . .he feels a little restless to me. But maybe that's just me haha.

[squarerice]

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt timeline (Theo's age with some speculation on calendar year)

Full spoilers ahead. A shorter version of this post was already done by @boryapavlikovskys here (also acts as a TLDR), but I wanted to add more details/citations. This post will be super long on purpose. I've had this as a draft for a while but I wondered whether anyone still cared. This post by @hearts4popchyk inspired me to keep working on it and this post by @boryapavlikovskys (again :P) inspired me to actually finish it.

I didn't want to stop at Theo age, I also wanted to see if I could pinpoint exact calendar years (spoiler: you can't!). Here's another post I found (ask by anon to @caramelbyblur) that's on track of what I originally thought, but still doesn't fully add up when you do the math (both anon AND Tartt made the same mistake so don't feel bad!)

July 2025 edit: I've decided to clean up this post by rewriting it in more formal language. The original info is reserved, it just looks cleaner now.

[housekeeping]

Citations: For each quote, I'll use chapters, subsection numbers, and page numbers. The chapters will be 1-12 (1 = Boy with a Skull, 2 = The Anatomy Lesson, etc.) and subsections will be lowercase roman numerals (i, ii, etc). I'm using a PDF copy so my page numbers may be slightly off from printed versions, but the PDF has 800 pages so it shouldn't be TOO far off.

With Theo being an unreliable narrator, anything he says is fair game to be skeptical about, but for this post let's act like the dates he gives are as accurate as possible until he contradicts himself (foreshadowing!).

The American school year is typically late August through late May with the semester split being around mid January. Thanksgiving is late November and Christmas is December 25.

Colors guide: orange for when I mention Theo's age/birthday, green for when I mention a calendar date alongside its day of the week, and purple for when I mention the painting switcharoo.

Okay, now onto the timeline

[intro]

Theo is 27 when he narrates the book. We know this because he says his mother died on "April 10th, fourteen years ago" (ch 1, ii, pg 12), just before saying "I was thirteen" (ch 1, ii, pg 14). He was in eighth grade at the time: "If the day had gone as planned, it would have faded into the sky unmarked, swallowed without a trace along with the rest of my eighth-grade year" (ch 1, ii, pg 13).

Before going further, let's establish Theo's birthday. We don't know the exact day, but his dad says to him, "Now you’re a Cancer, hermit crab, all secretive and up in your shell" (ch 6, iv, pg 311), meaning it's likely between June 21 and July 22. For ease, let's say Theo's birthday is in the summer. Every summer he ages up.

[age 13]

Theo's mother dies on April 10, which is likely a Wednesday, as deduced when he wonders, "Why hadn’t I insisted we get breakfast instead of going to the museum? Why hadn’t Mr. Beeman asked us to come in on Tuesday, or Thursday?" (ch 3, iii, pg 92). AKA, if they had just been somewhere else, or called into the office a day earlier or later, everything would be different.

He goes home after the explosion midday on Wednesday, April 10 and waits for his mother. Early the next morning, two social workers come over and place him with the Barbours. He meets Hobie and Pippa. He stays with the Barbours for only about 6-8 weeks, as his dad takes him to Vegas right around the time the Barbours' summer trip to Maine starts: "Andy and I had said our goodbyes the day before; though I knew he was sad to see me go, still my feelings were hurt that he hadn’t stayed to see me off but instead had gone with the rest of the family up to the supposedly detested house in Maine" (ch 5, ii, pg 221). It is now early summer of Theo in Vegas at age 13, and soon he will turn 14 and start ninth grade.

[age 14]

In Chapter 5 we see a lot of Theo and Boris. They get very close by October, fuck about a week or two after Thanksgiving (implied), and spend Christmas with Theo's dad and Xandra. I don't think we're meant to know exactly when [THEO SPILLS HIS SECRET] because he himself doesn't know, but if it's anywhere in the text, it's this first Thanksgiving: "by the time we actually got around to eating, the bottle of vodka (Boris’s contribution to Thanksgiving) was already half gone and we were well on our way to being sick... Then I must have blacked out (an all-too-typical occurrence when Boris brought a bottle over)..." (ch 5, xx, pg 274-276). Compare that to adult Boris revealing he knew about the painting: "'Not that long after I met you!' His knee was going up and down like crazy. 'I think you weren’t used to vodka—you never knew what size to pour your drink. You came in with huge glass, like so, like water glass, and I thought: shit! You don’t remember?'" (ch 10, ix, pg 568). This would mean they consummated their relationship AFTER the secret had already passed between them (in other words, the secret WAS the consummation).

[age 15]

Chapter 6 starts with a small time jump to the beginning of tenth grade. Summer has passed, so Theo is 15 now: "And so the time passed happily enough; but then—shortly after my fifteenth birthday—Boris met a girl named Kotku" (ch 6, i, pg 301). Theo's time in Vegas falls apart as Boris becomes distant, Naaman Silver comes to the house, Theo freaks out and puts the painting in his locker, [BORIS REPLACES IT], Theo takes it back out, and his dad asks him for money. Theo's dad dies the night he and Boris take acid, which boris suggests they do "On Thanksgiving holiday maybe" (ch 6, xiv, pg 333).

Theo takes the bus back to New York (relieved that he, a 15-year-old, can ride the bus alone) and arrives at Hobie's a couple days after Thanksgiving: "Well, tell me when you’re hungry, please. There’s loads of food, the fridge is so stuffed I can hardly get the door closed, we had people in for Thanksgiving" (ch 7, ii, pg 392).

He spends ~6 weeks studying for an early college program: "In January, I had my tests" (ch 7, ix, pg 412). This is probably the weakest part of the timeline, because a couple pages later, Theo says "I’d been accepted for the spring term of my early college program" (ch 8, i, pg 420), and him being accepted to school a couple weeks after taking exams would be REALLY fast. However, he DOES say that he suspects he was only accepted because of his circumstances: "I grew more and more suspicious that the only reason I’d been allowed into the program at all was because of 'the tragedy.'" (ch 8, ii, pg 424), so maybe that explains it. I can't imagine he otherwise spends an entire un-narrated year between his test and enrollment, especially given his anxiety around being allowed to stay with Hobie.

[age 16]

Theo goes to school and ages to 16 as summer passes: "And so the time slipped by. The days were so much alike I barely noticed the months pass. Spring turned to summer, humidity and garbage smells, the streets full of people and the ailanthus trees leafing out dark and full; and then summer to autumn, forlorn and chilled." (ch 8, iv, pg 429). Shortly after his 16th birthday, he rents the storage unit: "One gloomy afternoon, not long after my first fall term in school had begun, I happened to be alone in the house when Grisha stopped by to drop off some furniture..." (ch 8, v, pg 432). This is roughly where we leave him before time time skip.

[age 21] BONUS, college grad during skip: It takes Theo six years to graduate college at age 21: "At college I had achieved nothing commendable or remarkable. My years in Vegas had rendered me unfit for any manner of hard work; and when at last I graduated, at twenty-one (it had taken me six years to finish, instead of the expected four), I did so without distinctions of any type" (ch 9, v, pg 466). This lines up with him starting early at age 15 (year 1: 15/16, year 2: 16/17, year 3: 17/18, year 4: 18/19, year 5: 19/20, year 6: 20/21). He either graduates after 12 semesters (6 years) in fall the year he's 20/21 or after 13 semesters (6.5 years) in spring the year he's 21/22.

Confusing time jump

[age 25/26]

After the time jump, we open in the spring of Theo being age 25, just about to turn 26 in summer. He meets Platt, reconnects with the Barbours, and starts dating Kitsey. There are two pieces of evidence that lead me to this conclusion:

EVIDENCE #1: Shortly after his meeting with the Barbours, Theo catches us up with his drug habits since the last time we've seen him. He says, "But at this point, in the spring of my twenty-sixth year, I had not been more than three days clean in a row in over three years." (ch 9, x, pg 484). This would make him 25 while meeting Platt (in your "first year" of life, you are age 0, in your "second year" of life, you are age 1, etc).

EVIDENCE #2: Theo says his relationship with Kitsey "had happened really fast. Within two months of my dinner at the Barbours’, Kitsey and I were seeing each other every day practically... And four months had passed, and it was December, brisk mornings and a chime of Christmas in the air; and Kitsey and I were engaged to be married and how lucky was I?" (ch 10, ii, pg 519-523). So, Theo and Kitsey are engaged by December. Their relationship happened really fast. December minus four months is August, minus another two months is June. Give or take the fact that "months" are a ballpark estimate here, it makes sense that Theo and Platt could have met sometime around May or June, at the tail end of spring.

So again, he meets Platt at age 25, turns 26 a couple weeks later, and is 26 while dating/engaged to Kitsey.

[contradiction]

However, Theo contradicts himself when opening this chapter with "One afternoon eight years later..." (ch 9, i, pg 443). There is no possible way for us to have last seen him in autumn of age 16 and for it to now be spring of age 25 and have that be "eight years." It's 9.5 years. I'm willing to believe Tartt did this on purpose, because I think the time jump is supposed to be disorienting. Even before, when Theo was renting the storage unit at 16, he says both that he thought of the idea after being at Hobie's for eight months: "after I’d been at Hobie’s for an otherwise uneventful eight months, an unexpected solution presented itself" (ch 8, v, pg 431) AND that he thought of the idea "not long after [his] first fall term had begun" (ch 8, v, pg 432). These two lines are a paragraph apart, separated by a tangent about Grisha. Theo arrived at Hobie's around Thanksgiving/November, making eight months later around late July. BUT the beginning of the fall term would be late August. Which is it? I think Tartt is signalling to us that Theo can't keep track of time properly or gets distracted when trying to remember. If he can't be trusted to tell the difference between 8 and 9 months, then he can't be trusted to tell the difference between 8 and 9 years.

[age 26]

Back on track... that winter he meets Boris again, [LEARNS OF THE REPLACEMENT], and goes to Amsterdam shortly before Christmas. The parking garage incident happens and Theo hides in his hotel room until he has his Scrooge moment on Xmas eve. Christmas this year takes place on a Friday. We know this because the next business day that Theo can apply for a new passport is "Monday the twenty-eighth" (ch 12, ii, pg 730). Everything works out fine and Theo goes back home.

[age 27]

The book ends around Thanksgiving(ish) again, Theo now age 27, as he says, "Because it’s almost a year later now and I’ve been travelling almost the whole time, eleven months spent largely in airport lounges" (ch 12, viii, pg 776). Circling back to his mother dying "fourteen years ago", he is rounding up, as it has been 13 years (April age 13 to April age 26) and seven months (April age 26, then birthday in summer, then November age 27).

(I think it's a nice bookend that we see Theo through three significant Thanksgivings: when he tells Boris his secret and loses his virginity, when his dad dies and he moves away from Vegas, and when he chooses to end the narrative after buying back all the fake furniture. It may seem like a "Christmas book" because of the climax but don't underestimate it as a "Thanksgiving book"!)

Calendar year & MATH

Given that this book was written over the span of 10 years and occurs in an alternate timeline (where The Met was bombed), it's hard to say "when" it takes place. Theo flying from NYC to Vegas implies post-9/11 because of airport security, but other than that, the technology and cultural references are all over the place. I don't think there's supposed to be an exact answer but if Theo's mom dies on Wednesday, April 10 when he's 13 and Christmas is on Friday, December 25 when he's 26, and (very important!) his birthday is over the summer, then we can try to map the events to certain years.

This is the trickiest part of this post for me because I'm worried about screwing up the math. I'm pretty sure I'm right, but I'm also open to feedback in case I'm being a clown. I'm going to walk through my thought process step-by-step and hopefully this will also help anyone who is also confused by the intersection between birthdays and calendar years.

With a "starting point" of 9/11 2001 (airport security), the earliest Theo's mom could have died is 2002. April 10, 2002 was, in fact a Wednesday, yay!

2002: Theo age 13 (in April), turns 14 (in summer, is 14 in December)

2003: Theo age 14, turns 15

2004: Theo age 15, turns 16

2005: Theo age 16, turns 17

2006: Theo age 17, turns 18

2007: Theo age 18, turns 19

2008: Theo age 19, turns 20

2009: Theo age 20, turns 21

2010: Theo age 21, turns 22

2011: Theo age 22, turns 23

2012: Theo age 23, turns 24

2013: Theo age 24, turns 25

2014: Theo age 25, turns 26

Does Christmas in 2014 land on a Friday? No...

Okay, let's go through more years looking for Wednesday, April 10. Due to leap years, the next one is 2013 (the year the book was published). Let's try again...

2013: Theo age 13, turns 14

2014: Theo age 14, turns 15

2015: Theo age 15, turns 16

2016: Theo age 16, turns 17

2017: Theo age 17, turns 18

2018: Theo age 18, turns 19

2019: Theo age 19, turns 20

2020: Theo age 20, turns 21

2021: Theo age 21, turns 22

2022: Theo age 22, turns 23

2023: Theo age 23, turns 24

2024: Theo age 24, turns 25

2025: Theo age 25, turns 26

Does Christmas in 2025 land on a Friday? No again...

Fine, let's disregard 9/11. April 10 falls on a Wednesday in 1996.

1996: Theo age 13, turns 14

1997: Theo age 14, turns 15

1998: Theo age 15, turns 16

1999: Theo age 16: turns 17

2000: Theo age 17: turns 18

2001: Theo age 18, turns 19

2002: Theo age 19, turns 20

2003: Theo age 20, turns 21

2004: Theo age 21, turns 22

2005: Theo age 22, turns 23

2006: Theo age 23, turns 24

2007: Theo age 24, turns 25

2008: Theo age 25, turns 26

Not this one either!

Okay, I think one of two things is happening. Either I'm wrong about April 10 being a Wednesday (Theo never says "Wednesday" directly, he just says it wasn't a Tuesday or Thursday), OR Donna Tartt and her team did the math wrong. I'm sure things were shuffled around in editing and it's very easy to assume that Theo age 26 minus Theo age 13 would make 13 calendar years difference, but it's actually 12 because of his birthday. Theo's mother dies in April BEFORE his birthday passes (the year he's 13-14) and Christmas in Amsterdam is AFTER his birthday passes (the year he's 25-26). So you either have to act like Theo was 13 in April the year his mother dies [and 25 in April the year he goes to Amsterdam], OR like he was 26 at Christmas the year he goes to Amsterdam [and 14 at Christmas the year his mother dies]. (Funnily enough, the dates line up if you disregard Theo's birthday entirely and do the math with 2002/2015, 2013/2026, 1996/2009, etc. I'm assuming this is what Tartt's team did, but it contradicts other times his birthday/age is mentioned. At first I thought she was aiming for 2013/2026 because Andy has an iPhone, but then I realized the math didn't work out. <- June 2025 edit: This is silly. Obviously at first I thought it was 2002/2015 because of 9/11. Sorry, I misspoke here. But I'll leave it in because the post has already been reblogged with tags referencing this line.)

(One final possibility: Larry is such a shitty father that he gets his son's birthday wrong. Though I think that one's unlikely because Theo would have had another "(what?)" moment.)

Let's still try to salvage this... assuming I'm wrong about Wednesday, let's build backwards from 26 y/o Christmas Amsterdam to 13 y/o April mother death. Now April 10 can fall on any day except Tuesday or Thursday:

Christmas is on a Friday in 1998 (April 10, 1986 is Thursday)

Christmas is on a Friday in 2009 (April 10, 1997 is Thursday)

Christmas is on a Friday in 2015 (April 10, 2003 is Thursday)

Oh dear... and it continues like this... 1981/1969, 1987/1975, 1992/1980, 2020/2008, 2026/2014, 2037/2025... all of these April 10s fall on a Thursday. this combo of dates just isn't possible. Theo's birthday really throws a wrench in things!

Final note

There are multiple places online that quote this book as saying Theo's mother died "April 10th, nineteen years ago" (instead of fourteen). Where does this come from? Is this from a press release or first pressing? Was this corrected in later editions? How does this factor into Theo talking about meeting the Barbours in the spring of his twenty-sixth year? Is Theo still a cancer in this possible earlier version? Is this just one person's typo that everyone else copy-pasted?

In any case, doing the math with 19 instead of 14 means we add 5 to the calculation: Theo is 31 at Christmas instead of 26. There are 17 calendar years between 13 y/o April mother death and 26 y/o Christmas Amsterdam instead of 12.

Using the same Friday Christmases as above, April 10 seventeen years prior will also fall on a Friday, making this (questionable!) version of events possible, though unlikely and at the moment unverifiable.

So in conclusion: when does The Goldfinch take place? Who the fuck knows.

If anyone has anything to add, please do!

[inquisitormanatee]

Nuvenin Umbre

DOB: unknown - by default his age is unknown but he appears in his mid 20s Birthplace: unknown Viper - Dragoon Song inspo - Tale of the Shadow by Sail North Info: originally Nuvenin was a Wol but then I decided to incorporate him into Syl'tal's world. The song above is what stirred him into existence because I had a general idea of wanting a pirate OC that was chaotic evil. He is extremely manipulative and cruel. I'm not going to go into detail with everything but he's a Bad Dude.

In the beginning When Nu first shows up, he comes off as charming and helpful. He leads the scions and WoL to believe that he is there to fight with them and against the Ascians. Not a lot is known about him and he answers personal questions vaguely or with his own answers to steer the conversation away from him. What is known is that he is a pirate, enjoys a good time, and is stupid rich from trading goods.

Nu worms his way into becoming a bit of a figure amongst the scions. His goal was to be a needed resource and he achieved it by becoming close to Minfilia (very close). Nu led Minfilia to believe he had an endless supply of knowledge of the Ascians by giving little bits of information here and there. Syl'tal, Y'shtola, and Thancred were extremely suspicious of Nu from day one but couldn't pin-point why. Him having all of these random facts didn't help that.

Over a significant period of time (ARR through SB), Nu does make himself a valuable resource to the scions. Suspicions are still there but he has, so far, only done things to help them against their fight with the Ascians. His interactions with Syl'tal are usually jabs back and forth with jokes spread in there; it's clear they don't get along but they tolerate one another.

When Nuvenin isn't traveling with them, he spends his times with Elidibus. It becomes clears to the ancients that the only one he'll listen to is Elidibus which is really frustrating because otherwise he just goes about his day doing what he wants. It's unclear to him and everyone else why he listens to Elidibus and deep down, Nuvenin hates it because it's a weakness and that is not what he wants.

His whole driving force is that he wants to be strong and the most powerful being to exist. All his life, from what he knows of it (important to remember), he has been put down and thought of as nothing. In his teenage years, he vowed to change that and did so in a very bloody and brutal way.

Flashback time! Nuvenin's earliest memories are of him and his sister, Loreley, being raised on a ship. He was born into the pirate life and that's the only thing he knew. He wanted to keep Loreley safe and when he started concocting his plan to instigate a mutiny, he didn't want her in the middle of that. At the age of 13, Nuvenin left Loreley with the dragons in Dravania when she as 10. Two years later he started that mutiny and took over the ship. In the next four years he learned of a "blessed" ship called the Queen's Secret and made it his next goal. At 19 he accomplished that goal and witnessed his crew die before him when the ship cursed him. His first mate, D'artagnan, was with Nuvenin through all of this and was sucked into a void when everyone around him was dying. He was forced to make a contract with the curse bearer and sent back. If you look close, you'll see that one of his eyes is pink. In the process of obtaining the ship, Nuvenin's right eye was taken, given to D'art, and replaced with an eye that is linked to the ship. D'art and the ghost of the crew are unable to leave the ship but because of Nuvenin's eye, he has a direct line to the ship. He's able to essentially "feel" it and knows when something is wrong on board and he is not there.

After all of this happens, Nuvenin is approached by Elidibus and joins the Ascian's cause. He doesn't know why he does it but there's a pull (to Elidibus) that makes him do it. He's working with them for a few years up to when ARR begins.

End flashback! Skipping ahead to ShB, shit starts hitting the fan for Nuvenin. his secret comes out and it's bad bad. To begin with, he is able to pass into The First like the WoL is. This is a pretty big "what the fuck" moment for the scions because how can he do that? While there, Nuvenin starts getting blips of memories. Like the echo does to the WoL, these memories come with a headache and feeling of nausea so it's like a gut punch for Nuvenin. The memories are scattered and broken and extremely confusing. It all eventually comes out when he makes it to The Tempest and ultimately, Amaurot.

When he makes it to Amaurot, it's like an explosion of information. Nuvenin learns that this is his home and he is, in fact, an Ancient just like Emet-Selch and Elidibus. He goes on to learn that Loreley is not his sister but a part of himself that he split off. He created Loreley to house all of the emotions that he viewed as weak. He also learned that he was in love and the downfall of that is what drove him to create Loreley so that he wouldn't stop fulfilling his ultimate wish: be the strongest on all the stars.

Flashback agaiiiin As an Ancient, Nuvenin had a different name. He was Dolus and boy howdy was he in love.

Themis became the most important person in his life, he'd do nearly anything for him. However, it was all done in a very very twisted way. Nuvenin did not, and still doesn't, believe that he can be loved. So. When he had his eyes set on Themis, he used his go to, manipulation, to make it happen. They were together for a good period of time before Themis did catch wind of what was happening, what Nuvenin was planning, and how he would achieve that. Nuvenin had the grand idea to follow what Hermes was doing and then find a way to take control of it an use it for his own gain. He and Themis had very different opinions on what "justice" means and it lead to Themis recognizing the manipulation and breaking things off with Nuvenin. This was a wake up call for Nuvenin because he realized then that he didn't actually have to manipulate Themis and that there relationship was very real and not it was gone.

Back to ShB time Nuvenin also learned that he tricked himself. Nuvenin has the ability to implant false memories into anyone, including himself. he did this when he landed on The Source because losing his home, Themis, and everyone was something he struggled to handle. Nuvenin understands his pull to Elidibus and the other Ancients and why their cause felt so close to home for him.

When all of this comes out, Nuvenin loses it. He goes full Azula menty b and nearly kills Exarch but is stopped by the WoL. This is a flurry of emotions because while on The First, Nuvenin can't figure out why he is feeling some type of way towards The Exarch. There are periods before all of this where they share deep conversations and seem to grow close. When he catches these moments, Nuvenin becomes abrasive and pulls away from Exarch.

When everything is "resolved" in ShB, Nuvenin is gone. The scions have no idea where he is until EW happens. They learn that Nuvenin was bouncing between The First and The Source. Nuvenin spent a significant period of time in Elpis where he was trying to make sense of everything while also getting the opportunity to see Themis. Due to not looking like he did as an Ancient, Themis didn't know who he was except that there was something familiar about Nuvenin.

A really huge thing that happens is that Elidibus, who was locked in the Crystal Tower, and Loreley set up the death of Loreley to force Nuvenin to take that part of him back. Elidibus has the memories of Themis that new Nuvenin and doesn't want Nuvenin to be split into two. He feels that Nuvenin would alter his plans if he was whole again. Nuvenin is obviously against the whole thing but doesn't get a choice when Elidibus nearly kills Loreley and the only way to save her is for Nuvenin to take her back. He does and the impact this has on Nuvenin is significant. He's down for the count for an extended period of time and this ultimately leads to how he is captured by the scions.

Nuvenin is bounced between being locked up and tethered to the scions. He is forced to help end everything with Zodiark which is a massive defeat to him. When this happens, it's the second time he felt like he has truly lost (the first being when Themis and him broke up). Feeling defeated, it's not exactly hard for the scions to just drag him around to keep an eye on him. While the WoL is MIA after EW, he is being watched like a hawk. In this time, it's G'raha that approaches him first like he isn't a wild animal.

They spend time talking, a lot of time talking. Nuvenin isn't an open book but he is sharing more about himself than he had previously but only to G'raha. Over these conversations, Nuvenin comes to realize that G'raha reminds him of Themis. This is quite upsetting to him and he does lash out at G'raha who only sits there and lets it happen knowing that Nuvenin needs to get it out. It's because of G'raha that Nuvenin agrees to travel to Tural and "help" but he is pretty reluctant throughout the process.

That's where I'll stop cause DT is still a wip for him as I try to figure out what exactly he is going to do there and stuff. The most I have is that he is exploring his feelings for G'raha, it's messy, and he gets a bit of hope in getting his home back when he sees what is happening but that is probably squished down by G'raha making him realize he can make a new home.

[plothooksinc]

2, 8, and 21 for the fic ask game!

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

Oh, all the time! Usually when I go back to respond to a comment I'll reread that chapter if it's been a hot minute. I love throwing fic at people and making them scream, but in the end I write what I enjoy, so yeah. \o/

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

Currently I'm full-steaming ahead on No Rest For The Weary because it had been a long time since I could write more than a few hundred words every, uh, year or so... and I'm sort of terrified at some point the muse will keel over again and I want to finish something. I am slowing down a bit as I near the end just because the chapters have become a lot more complicated (mmm masochistic authors who write six way fights with a bonus zombie horde and a sleepy turtle who wants to know what's with all these rude wakeup calls--) but I'm still determined on that score.

If I make it to the finish line (all signs are looking good!) then I'll pull up all my other unfinished projects and see what to work on next and if I can make a schedule to work on all of them a bit at a time. That's... Snowblind and Zaibatsu Project for Rurouni Kenshin, Misconduct for Final Fantasy VII, and Legacy, Desperation, and Court of Miracles for TMNT (various iterations). Plus a possible not-quite-sequel-but-set-after-NRFTW-verse plan. There's a lot! If Tumblr had given me polls by now I'd just poll Tumblr for interest, but it hasn't. >:T very rude honestly.

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

...hmm. Technically the only thing I've deleted after spending entire hours on it would be the entire first draft of my original novel attempt, because I started writing it when I was 18 and that was the draft I sent in application for a grant and Arts SA told me I should aim at small children. Then I reread it, realised it was awful, sat on it for another 10 years, and then finally worked out how I could make it work and started again from scratch. In the fandom world, I think I've only deleted lines at a time, retreating to a point and going in a different direction. My beta can tell you how often I've said "never trust the last line of what I've given you" because it often doesn't work and I half knew it but I just wanted to be done for the evening. But I think the most I've removed recently is about a page from the end of the last Donnie/Raph/Draxum scene where they work out the lair is under attack, because I got through that page and realised it was redundant; it made for better suspense to not spend extra time on a plan of what to do next, especially when their plan was going to be obvious from the other end when they finally enact it. I kept it anyway in a separate file just in case I need it for flashback or some such, but at this stage I don't think so.

Thank you for the questions, anon!

Fic ask questions are here.

[landinoandco]

|Shutter speed|

Chapter two : A New Beginning

{Lando Norris x Reader}

Summary: A photographer. A pair of F1 drivers. Triangles. A sticky situation of morals and fighting fate. What could go wrong?

Warnings: none :) apart from a mention of grief and passing of a loved one

Rating: teen and up

Word count: 2.9 k 

A/n: welcome to the second chapter of 'Shutter speed.'

I'm going to start a taglist so comment on this post or message me if you would like to be added :)

Previous chapters: Chapter one

Chapter two: A new beginning

By the time Georgie had raced home, it had stopped raining and the sun was beginning to fight its way through the mass of clouds that had filled the sky. The journey home had given Georgie plenty of time to think - to mull everything over about the crazy afternoon she had just endured. They had finally booked their first event since lockdown, the insanely attractive stranger she had met in the coffee shop but somehow it all ended back to a person she thought she had finished thinking about - not that you ever could. Her Theo. Her lovely Theo. 

Theodore was her childhood sweetheart. Theo was everything to her, llike Georgie was everything to him. They had their whole future planned out: travelling around the world and experiencing different cultures, photographing their entire experience and showcasing the beginning of their journey through life on an Instagram they had set up. Before settling down and starting a family of their own. Together. It was going to finish like all the fairy tales did...

And everybody lived happily ever after.

In hindsight, they had jinxed themselves before they had even started, not long after they had finished their A - levels and about to start their next chapter at Uni - Theo had fallen ill. Georgie refuses to acknowledge the illness for she believes it shouldn’t be the way he is remembered, instead reminiscing on the short but meaningful life he lived. Theo died not long after he was diagnosed, leaving Georgie behind with a new and tainted meaning to happily ever after because if it wasn’t with him then what did it truly mean? 

As they say hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Even now, 5 years on, 23 years of age, she is still plagued with the memories and the thoughts of everything they could have had but for some reason the universe was against it all. She hated to think of herself as unlucky because she was blessed to have met Theo in the first place. 

Shaking the memories from her head, she unlocked the apartment door and trudged through - hanging her coat and bag on the hooks then making her way over to the breakfast bar. On top was a fluorescent post-it note that read: “Popped into the city to pick up some new lenses for the cameras. Fill you in when I get back. Fancy getting a takeaway tonight to celebrate? Love you lots ~ Maisie.” 

A takeaway was exactly what was needed. She thought. And a nice warm shower. 

The thing Georgie loves about showers is that they give her the ability to find an answer and solution to pretty much everything and anything. She spent a lot of time in the shower after Theo passed, it was the only thing she could justify enjoying. Striping her clothes off and chucking them into a pile on the floor, she reached into the shower to turn it on - the water immediately rushing out and crashing loudly onto the floor. As soon as she was happy with the temperature, she stepped in - letting the warm water droplets wash all of her worries away. It was the only thing that she felt helped her relax; come to terms with everything she was feeling. 

Her first and main worry was what they were going to do after Goodwood. If they didn’t find consistent work soon they were going to run out of money - they were lucky to have made some good investments and savings leading up to this point to have coped through lockdown. 

Georgie grabbed the shampoo and rubbed it thoroughly through her long waves. She had been to Goodwood a few years back -  Theo had taken her. It was the best date she had ever been on - she remembered it as clear as day. They had found an empty bench to sit on next to the hill the cars climbed in the ever popular annual hill climb - it was there and then they had decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together and travel the world. 

Stepping back under the water, she let the water take the shampoo away, watching as the bubbles slipped through the drain. Theo had been a massive formula one fan - dragging Georgie into the sport as well. Jenson Button had been his favourite driver and McLaren his favourite team so naturally that was hers as well. As soon as he passed Georgie had nothing to do with the sport - she refused to watch it and stopped keeping up with the teams. 

She reached for the conditioner bottle, pressing her lips together in a tight line. All of this thought about Theo and the racing world she turned her back on - a slight regret forming in the pit of her stomach, was she ready to go back to it? She remembered the atmosphere of Goodwood when she had been, people from all over the world gathered to celebrate the one thing they had in common: their love for cars. She was slightly envious of the people who got to travel the world, following in the car's tyre tracks and capturing the moments you only get to experience once in a lifetime. 

Georgie paused and furrowed her eyebrows, she was struck with an idea. Whether it was absolutely brilliant or outright stupid and unrealistic, she was yet to find out. Hoping out of the shower and grabbing her towel, she made her way to her room. It was worth a look, she supposed, there was no harm in that. Once she was dressed, she sat at her desk and turned on her laptop; begging fate to be on her side today. 

“Honey, I’m home.” Called a voice from the kitchen. 

“Hey sweetie.” Georgie shouted back, “I’ll be with you in just a moment.” 

She pulled up the McLaren careers page, her mouse hovering over the view jobs link. Georgie was ready to travel the world. She was ready to experience life again - after all it was Theo’s dying wish that she completed everything they were setting out to do. Perhaps she was selfish for not coming to this conclusion sooner. 

She clicked. 

Taking one last deep breath, Georgie placed her hands to her forehead and moved her face closer to the screen as she read through the roles. Tyre performance engineer. No. Finance analyst - production. Definitely not. Hope was diminishing rapidly even though it was as she had expected. The chances of finding anything suitable were low. She was coming to the bottom of the list when a role jumped out at her. But not impossible apparently. 

Lead photographer - team. 

And the deadline was Tuesday at 11.59 pm. They had the best part of 6 hours to complete this application. It was going to be tight but possible. 

She jumped up and rubbed her hands over her face in disbelief. Running her hands through her hair, she sat back down - hardly being able to keep still. It was only an application advert - many people were going to be applying. She thought as she exhaled loudly. More experienced people. Skimming through the description and requirements, she almost felt like she was dreaming. It was perfect. The role was to travel with the whole team and capture every moment to later be used on social media and advertising. 

“Everything alright in here?” Maisie poked her head around the door. She was faced with an almost tearful Georige. Her words almost trailed off.

“Do you want to travel the world?” Georgie asked her, her voice wavering slightly.  Maisie seemed taken aback as she moved into the room and sat on Georgie’s bed. “I’m sorry - what? Have you forgotten what’s been going on recently?”

“With a formula one team, Mclaren to be precise.” Georgie corrected and moved aside so Maisie could see the screen. Silence fell between the pair as Maisie read on, Georgie’s leg had started bouncing in anticipation. Minutes later she was met with a frown. “That’s not quite how I had imagined you would react.” Georgia mumbled, sighing. She mirrored her friend's expression, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“Before we start fantasizing, I just want to make sure you’re ok with this.” Maisie said softly, taking one of Georgia’s hand in hers. Georgia nodded slowly, rubbing her thumb over her friend’s hand. “This would be his dream. I know he’s watching us - he really is looking out for us, Maise. I want to do it for him.”  

Maisie’s smile grew, “As long as you’re sure. Come, let’s discuss it over take away and I will explain how this weekend is going to work.” Georgie stood up, grabbing her laptop and a notebook, “One thing is for sure. We are going to need one hell of a portfolio.” 

It was now Sunday - the final day at Goodwood. 

To say the rest of their week leading up to this point went smoothly would be a lie. In the end it all got a bit complicated. They submitted their application at 10:58 pm that Tuesday evening - due to it only being a singular role they applied as their business in hope that the combined experience would set them apart from other candidates. Wednesday they spent the day prepping for Goodwood - trying out the new lenses and practising photographing cars they found around London. They were going to watch the Goodwood livestream on Youtube Thursday and Friday to see what they were going to be faced with that Saturday. Until Maisie received a call. It was Mclaren and they had gotten through to the interviews - all taking place that Thursday afternoon on teams. As it turns out, they wanted to have hired someone for the role by Friday in order to be ready for the British Grand Prix the following weekend. 

“I mean it makes sense,” Maisie said, blowing her coffee to cool it down before taking a long sip. “It is their home grand prix after all.” 

Georgie chuckled, “It’s just, I feel like if we were to explain to anyone they would think we were making this up. It’s all happening so quickly.” 

That Friday, ahead of their debut at Goodwood on the Saturday, they got the call. According to the lady Maisie spoke to, it was very close between them and another candidate but the fact they were working at Goodwood tipped the scales in their favour. 

“And.” Maisie started. “We are going to meet with a man called Zac Brown on Sunday, he is the CEO of McLaren Racing-” Georgie was very lucky to have Maisie as she was the businessman - or women in this case - out of the pair. Her people skills were unmatched, how she did it Georgie would never understand. 

Now on Sunday, Georgie was quite sad to see it coming to an end. The atmosphere was one that she had never quite experienced before - it was one that filled her with pride and adoration; something she hadn’t felt in a long time, not to this extent anyway. The whole weekend, a beaming smile had been plastered onto her face - so much so that her facial muscles were beginning to ache. The whole community of people were ecstatic to be there, watching on in excitement as a sport that had missed the company of their crowds opened its doors once again. It wasn’t long before she had agreed to meet with Maisie ahead of their meeting with Zac Brown that she found herself walking up the infamous hill. The loud buzz of conversation seemed to fade, instead the only sound she could hear was the rumble of engines as they came cruising by. She stopped at a clearing where a bench stood proudly, smiling softly to herself as she slung her camera strap over her shoulder, stuffing her hands into her trouser pockets. It hadn’t aged a day. 

Lando Norris had decided to take a break from the main McLaren marquee - he had just finished his final drive of the day and was looking for some time to reflect on the weekend he had just had after having the honour of driving the three cars that Aryton Senna won McLaren their championship titles. It had been a tough season leading up to this point - after Carlos left to join Ferrari he felt this year all eyes would be on him. Many expected Lando to fall into the shadow of his new teammate Daniel Ricciardo, everybody expected him to fade back into the background. Perhaps that was why he trained so hard during the winter break - he had pushed himself right up to the limit. Lando wanted to prove to himself more than anyone else that he was a good driver and he did have potential to fight those at the top, after the taste of a podium in Austria - he was hungry for more. Even as a young boy during his karting career, Lando put pressure on himself - to strive to be the best on the grid - sometimes it meant he forgot to enjoy himself because he was so worried about what other people thought about him. 

He had reached a clearing past the trees. All weekend he had kept half an eye out for the girl at the coffee shop. Part of him was disappointed not to have seen her, he really wanted that second chance. He came to a stop and checked his watch - it wasn’t long until Zac wanted him back; he mentioned briefly about a pair of photographers joining the team. They would be replacing his friend Jason after he decided that travelling just wasn’t practical anymore, who could blame him, his first child was on the way and he wanted to be there with his wife every step of the way. 

Lando brushed a hand through his curls, casting his gaze around before he would make his way back. When a bench caught his eye or more specifically the girl sitting on the bench. She sat with a content smile dancing on her lips, a reminiscent glaze coated her eyes. He took a step towards her, there was something familiar about her. It was like his feet were frozen in place - his brain was telling him to go back but his gut told him to stay put. He stood for a minute or two before it hit him - square in the face and quite frankly he couldn’t believe his luck. It was the girl from the coffee shop. Right in front of him. It was now or never. Lando took a calming breath before going and sitting next to her. 

Georgie was rudely pulled from her thoughts when a person sat down on the bench next to her. She moved her head slightly to see who the intruder was when her heart stopped. Recognition dawned on her face. Georgie knew instantly he had recognised her as the corners of his mouth twitched into a shy smile. “Hi.” His tone silvery and almost breathy. 

“Hey.” She beamed back, “I’m Georgie.” She said, gazing up at him, admiring the way the sun caught around his halo of curls giving them an almost angelic glow.

“Lando.” He told to her, the corners of his eyes crinkled slightly. Neither of them could quite believe that they were sitting with each other. 

“I - uh - It’s a wonderful day for it, isn’t it.” Georgie had panicked. She didn’t know what else to say and her mother used to always say:  ‘if in doubt talk about the weather.’ It was something along those lines anyway.  Silently cursing herself, she cringed at her awkwardness only to hear him chuckle at her comment. 

“It’s much better now the rain has cleared off.” Lando instantly felt relaxed around her, he didn’t know what it was. Perhaps it was that she seemed just as socially inadequate as he was. “So Georgie.” He savoured the way her name rolled off his tongue. “What brings you to Goodwood? I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I heard you talking about it before you rushed off the other day.” 

Georgie inched closer, almost leaning into the comfort and warmth he seemed to provide. “My friend and I are photographers and she somehow got us into working for the Goodwood Festival of Speed brand. I still don’t quite know how she did it, for some reason she didn’t want to talk about it.” She trailed off, a pink tinge creeping onto her cheeks as she had come to a rather astonishing conclusion. The corner of Lando’s mouth lifted at her innocence. “Anyway.” She moved on quickly. “As it turns out I am also here to meet my new boss.” 

“It’s almost like it was meant to be.” Lando quirked. “Who are you working for now?” 

“I’m the new photographer for the McLaren formula one team.” She explained, pride laced in her tone. Lando’s eyes widened, his mouth fell open in disbelief before he caught himself. Composed his expressions and stated very plainly...

“I’m Lando Norris. I drive for the McLaren formula one team. As it turns out you and I are about to attend the same meeting.” 

Taglist: (please message me or leave a comment if you would like to be added :))

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[jovnie]

The king's arrogance | Namjoon

Summary

The King had knowledge on everything and one in his castle, however he knew nothing of the kingdom he ruled before him. That was till one day he left and found you a street merchant.

Words 5k

Namjoon king au! Reader civilian!

Warnings: fluff, cocky joon, medium amount of smut, mentions of parent death, creampie, oral ( female ), big-dick Joon, nonconsensual touches, creampie, rough sex, lot of plot. Very quick relationship.

I beg that you listen to The mary go round from the moving castle [ slowed ] when reading. I think you'll enjoy it even more with it in the background.

Namjoon sat on the throne, laid back and legs spread apart as a servant read him his to-do list for today.

"Well sir, today starts the month planning of the ball. We have a few colors I'm sure you'll enjoy, however, I'm sorry to inform you that the family members that shouldn't be named threatened third way onto the guest list" the man spoke in fear, nodding and sighing namjoon dismissed the servant with talks of the guest later.

"Mrs. Pot is the tea almost ready?" He asked kindly as the elder Korean lady nodded with a bright smile. Smiling softly, the older lady pinched his cheeks softly.

"I still remember when you were a baby and your late parents running you from tea session to tea session. Oh, how I'm sure you miss them as much as I " her smile faded, as she poured the tea on the table in front of him.

"I do, it's been 18 years now. Since I was 10 I believe, so right 18 years. I'm sure they would've loved to taste this freshly poured tea once again" he reassured, rubbing her back and once done taking a sip with her.

"I'll make sure to clean the alter table later and pour some tea with them" she smiled delicately, as took a drink of her tea.

That was right this year would make it the 18th anniversary of his parent's passing ever since the flood. It was heartbreaking, as his eyes dimmed in sadness the older lady pinched his cheek as he smiled with a tear down his cheek.

"Now don't go soft on me Namjoon, you have to stay strong for those who can't and I know it all hurts. But they'll be watching you like garden spirits. I know your mother is very proud and your father knowing how much a man and a king you have become. Now I have to go, it's time for me to go tend the gardens. Goodbye joonie" she waved, after collecting the empty teacups snd pots. Watching her wheel everything away, namjoon felt comforted by her words and took a deep breath before getting up and moving on with his day.

He spent the day testing and looking at fabrics, color swatches, and paper samples. The ball, gala, or celebration was very important for the kingdom. They only three one when it was important and this time it was a celebration of life once lived aka his parent's death date. September 4th. This day celebrated life and death, just like fall. He loved the metaphor behind it and hated how true love ended so quickly in his eyes. However he too wishes to be able to die with the one he loved dearly by his side, he hated how romantic it sounded and how bad he wanted it. Love wasn't an easy game and not once could he find someone who commented with him in a deep, if not spiritual way.

Itching the back of his head, he walked on and into his room. He had another busy schedule ahead of him. Sometimes he just wished he could live amongst the people for a day. That's what he'll do. Looking around for his leather satchel, he put together what he called a commoners bag. A bag that contained money, an id, and a diary. Looking around for clothes that seemed passable for a commoner and changed into them. From there he grabbed his stuff and snuck his way out of the Castle through the bag. He made sure Mrs. Pot knew where he was just in case this would get him in trouble. After all, the family would show up unexpectedly most of the time and he had people watch his every move as well.

Making sure his hat covered all of his hair, he walked into the street lights and found a carriage ride who was going home or into the city. He paid the guy and let him into the buggy and the city.

Namjoon did this for a weak till he knew the ropes of running out of the kingdom St night, he tried his best to avoid getting caught with the knight guards and the pesticide workers who showed nd yelled deals in his face. He also learned patience along with that, another valuable lesson needed as a king or so he was taught.

One night he went into a low-lit bar with entertainers. Majory we're female and drove the men in the room wild. He's had his fee share of women, but not when it came to this level. He found it charming and often sent gifts to them for their hard work. From the kingdom's guards and not him personally. Still, he ordered rice wine snd some jerky, before leaving. leaving a lady much shorter than him, bumped into his shoulder.

"Guards there's the thrift!" A younger woman pointed, as the men ran after her. Wanting to know what was up, he walked up to the merchant and simply asked. You explained that the woman was a theft, they would steal all her family food at night to make their profit.

"I'm sure you can be more um what are these?" He asked, picking up the food he's never seen before.

"Fruit?" You questioned grabbing the lemon out of his hand. "Well shops closed sir, come back tomorrow and you can buy our lovely fruit," you said kindly, walking up the stairs in this wooden place. Following you, namjoon closed the door behind and also walked up. Namjoon didn't know much manners, but he had the basics for a king. However, to a common person like you, he was a pest, rude, etc.

"Um, what are you doing?" you asked folding sheets for your bed up.

"It's nighttime aren't you gonna ask me to stay and wait till morning?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I supposed. By the way, there's a futon bed over there. I'll make dinner soon then!" you welcomed, as namjoon looked ok confusion at what the blanket on the floor was trying to imitate. Taking off his shoes, he placed his bag on the 'futon' and hung his jacket and hat on the hanger by the door.

Arriving back you blushed hard, as a beautiful looking man was now clear in your view. Luckily for namjoon, you had no money to spend on papers like everyone else or let alone money to go to the balls either. Therefore you had no clue that this man was a noble, let alone the king. If you did you would've just died at how you just treated him.

"It's beef and seaweed soup, with carrots and onions" you listed off as you placed the bowl on the floor diner table. Placing a spoon and a napkin on the side, you forgot the drink. Walking away you grabbed him a cup and poured lemonade in, before walking back. On your arrival, you saw him going to town on the meal. He slurped and moaned as he complimented your cooking. Chuckling, you sat the glass of lemonade down and took the napkin to wipe his chin and cheek. Placing it down, you watched him continue and enjoy it. Although there was only enough for his, you still had something to eat. You simply had bread and butter with some lemonade as well.

It took him a bit to notice you didn't have a bowl which made him feel a bit guilty but instead handed her 30 ₩ which was a lot during that time. Not wanting to take it, he "accidentally " dropped it down your bra and smiled.

"Well it's late, we should sleep and then go out to shop for food and new clothes" the man spoke.

"I'm sorry but I don't know you, how do I not know you're not trying to kidnap me or steal or worse kill me!" You mentioned as the older man stripped off his shirt.

"You don't have to, just know ill help you and accept the gift" he spoke, pitting his clothes beside him.

"Excuse you, you don't come in someone's house and act like this. Do you even have manners?" You added in frustration.

"I paid you, it wasn't a gift. It was a payment and I can tell you've never gotten one" he snickered, laying on the futon snd taking your cover. Annoyed at the man, you crossed your arm as he mouth "you have a problem?"

"Yes, I do! What's your name to begin with?" You asked, laughing it off he closed his eyes.

"Surprised you don't know and it'll stay like that for a bit darling" he whispered, moving over he patted next to him. "Sleep with me"

"No! I don't sleep with strangers like that, unlike you I have honor " you mentioned, getting up to go change into something appropriate for bed. Once done, you came back and he was still in the same position as before.

"I think I demanded that. besides I can ruin this little shop of yours if you don't. " he threatened, looking at his nails snd then at her. Well dressed and groomed man, you could visibly see the power he likely had. This was your mother's business and you promised her you would take care of it. Saddened you laid down next to him and whispered "please don't, this is all I have left."

"So we're on the same page I believe, no?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes," he replied. She felt uncomfortable and annoyed at the fact she had to do this for a business. Let alone a man, then again the men weren't always so kind to the women here, most always. She sighed and just accepted it, as he covered the two up.

"Call me Joon, " be whispered in your ear. Nodding, his hands traveled up and down your wist. Coughing, he halted then stopped after finding a comfy place to lay his hand.

"Do you do this with every woman?" You asked, curious.

"Well the last time I had a woman in my arms, she tried to advance me in marriage" he mentioned, putting his neck in-between your shoulder and neck.

"I do however have experience If that's what your aim is?" He said softly.

"Not really, I mean if a stranger just threatened your job and made you do this. Along with inappropriate touching for people who just met, I'd believe you'd be the class below poverty. Not a king not noble" you told, unexpectedly holding his arm between your breast.

Noticing, namjoon's cheeks flushed red. Luckily the lantern. Was behind him and not in front, so she couldn't see. "Toché" he replied.

"However I can see you've had a bad experience with men hmm?" He asked, softly brushing his nose on her neck.

"So you're not around here I see, well yes every guy here is just shit. Rude snd ignorant as you" you huffed, as raised an eyebrow.

"I'll give you that, feminist huh. Cute, haven't met one till you" he smiled, intrigued. "It seems like I've violated it huh, touching you snd acting sloppy" he added, moving your hair out your face.

"Glad you noticed, now turn the candle out!" you demanded, closing your eyes. Doing just that, he then wrapped his leg around you snd kissed your cheek.

"Good night"

Morning came, as the two of you laid there comfortable in each other's embrace. With him being the first to wake up, he tapped your shoulder and you woke up soonly after him. Yawing and stretching, you made sure your hand hit him on purpose.

"Sorry," you said coy, as he rolled his eyes up and shrugged it off.

"So when's breakfast?" He asked, getting up as you realized he had just worn cotton briefs. One's that we're expensive and that added more mystery to him. Why was someone who could've been from a noble family be here and threatened for his stay? Then the thought of maybe it's all stolen.

"The time?" He asked waving his hands over your face as you realized you had zoned out.

"Sorry, we have to go get food and we can buy food at the square." You mentioned.

"Where's the bathroom?" He asked, you pointed to the medium-sized room across from him. The place was small and combined, so you could see the kitchen from the bed area and a mini living room. Nodding off he grabbed his clothes snd began using the pump to pump water into the bath.

"Don't use all the water!" You yelled.

"I can and make you join me" he yelled back, smirking.

"No ill make you get more water from the lake behind here" you replied, itching your hair.

"Don't you have to get more water anyways, less work" he mentioned, leaving the door open and sitting in the tub? This man was quite weird when it came to flirting, it somewhat seemed motherly and innocent. However on the other hand, overly sexual and mysterious.

"Fine" you huffed, striping and walking towards the tub. That's when that harsh look he had softened and turned into a stare. There you were in front of him, naked snd he took every moment to vies your body. He saw how thick your hair was and how curvy your body was. He liked that, he paid attention to how big your breast was and the fact it looked like you haven't trimmed in a week. Which meant you looked old enough for him to do special things with.

"How old are you?" he questioned.

"I love how you did all of this without asking' she rolled her eyes, trying to muster a pony 0tail with the length and thickness of her hair.

"Turning 20 next month!" she replied excitedly.

"28 next month as well" he replied, breathing out the air he had subconsciously kept in. Getting in, she sat in front of him, covering her chest with her knees.

"I can still see you!" he laughed, grabbing the soap from the tray. Washing his body first, he took his hands and spread her legs open and washed below and around her arms and chest.

"Open," he said, waiting. Opening your arms you rolled your eyes and he splashed you with water. "Manners young lady " he mentioned. Knowing he's right, you sighed. Your father once told you the same when he was alive and because of that "Joon" reminded you of your father a bit. He acted mature and young simultaneously.

Washing your arms and your thighs, you washed off the soap on his neck and took the plug out to drain the dirty water. Placing the soap down, he spread his legs open and you accidentally saw something you shouldn't have. Frightened and embraced, you blushed. Taking his hand and pushing your gaze to meet his. He smiled softly.

"It's fine, just don't get too threatened by it. I'm aware of the size," he mentioned, looking you in your eyes. Nodding, you this time pumped the water until it was all out. Cleaning the both of you, you couldn't help but feel shy snd flustered. He felt the same, only he knew how to hide it. But not everything he knew or wanted to hide.

He looked in your eyes, noticing a soft dismal look on you to which he replied with "tell me are you okay?" Thankful for the concern, you told him about your parents passing and the shop's importance to you was. He understood automatically and exchanged his parent's passing in less detail. He didn't think he'd meet with someone with such a familiar background as his, even if they were below Noble.

He took her hand and placed it on her chest. "They're here, I'm sure your mother would be proud of how you came out to be. So leave it at that" he smiles wildly, with his eyes closing shut a bit as he did. You were glad to hear that and he never thought that Mrs.pot's comfort would come in handy, but he's glad to say and share a similar message.

"Speaking of do you have an altar?" He asked gently, unplugging the water and helping you stand up. Nodding you pointed out the door to a small corner. He thanked you and grabbed both of you a towel. Getting dried and dressed you did your hair as he went over to pay the slightest respects. Smiling at how kind the gesture was, you walked over to the rack and tripped over your foot trying to hand him his stuff. You saw a journal fall out and your eyes met his.

"You're a journalist?" You questioned, fixing your dress and hair before getting up and handing his stuff.

"Yeah, not from here tho," he lied, dusting dirt from your shoulder. Nodding you both made your way down the stairs, as he took your hand. Noticing it, you smiled. You wondered why he was being nice to you all of the sudden, however, that all changed when a guard walked past by and he brought you to a kiss. Confused and his eyes waiting for them to go, you kissed back hesitantly. Letting go, you looked at him worried he shrugged it off and you walked him to the square.

Hand in Hand, you brought namjoon to the bakery. Looking around, he pointed out the most expensive bread on hand and paid. Thanking him, he leads your hand to the vendors outside. Lucky for you, he knew about gardening and what was good. He helped and taught you the basics snd you learned you've been scammed for years. Thanking him, you took him to a cart of flowers and smelled the fresh roses, looking up at him. He paid for the golden yellow rose bouquet. Now it was for his favorite part of the day, clothes shopping. But beforehand, he pulled you into a cafe.

"Two bags of your finest coffee," namjoon ordered, by now you shouldn't have been shocked at how much he could spend. But seeing him use more money than you've sent your entire life was a sight to see snd each time you were thankful. You had enough food and supplies to last week if not a month. Holding you close by him, you realized you warmed up to him and small gestures like that felt comforting to you. He noticed and did it more often.

Soon it was night and there was only, one dress store open. In there was a beige dress that sparkled in the shop's lights. Running to the window to look, you smiled. Feeling a hand on your back, he took a step in and pulled your hand in with him.

"Welcome to Gezels tailor and shop" the owner greeted. He was an older man with gray hair a fragile smile.

"Well take that dress in the window snd tailor it to her size. His much is it?" Namjoon asked, pulling his wallet for the last time today.

"₩ 10,000" the man spoke, paying upfront the older man invited you to the back room and told namjoon to stay upfront. Nodding, you walked ahead and namjoon sat in the chair. He had a diary to write about today's and yesterday's adventures. He started up about the bathtub time you shared snd imagined your body once again. If only he knew his to draw, he'd paint a pretty picture in the book. Soon after finishing his entry, you walked out with a note.

Note: the dress will be ready for you miss before dusk, come back tomorrow with your lover -Gezel tailor and shop

You handed it to namjoon and he read it, as the two walked out. Suddenly loud commotions of horses snd guards ran through the city with lights.

"The king's missing!" The horseman yelled into the square. Namjoon in a panic rushed you two into the forest nearby. Confused, but following him. You wondered if he had something to do with it, besides this wasn't the first time he ran away from the guards today.

"They can't find me or ill be in trouble, act like a lover, please. I'll pay you in gold when I can" he begged on his knees with his hat on his chest.

"Don't pay me, think of it as a token of my gratitude. I'll help, but you have to explain everything when we get back," you murmured, taking his hands and helping him out the dirt. Making you drop the food and his bag.

Suddenly, he gripped your body and jumped both of you in a lake as he heard the sounds of horses clamping. A sound you didn't even hear. Holding your head under the water, he waited for the light of the torch to leave the lake area before swimming the two of you up.

Taking deep breaths of air, the two of you swam to the doc snd he helped you up first before himself. Luckily, the food wasn't damaged. Frustrated, you grabbed the food and his bag as you walked home. Walking in, you kept the lights off snd went to the second floor.

Stripping you of your clothes snd placing the bags down, you watched him do the same. Forgetting you had to pump the water, he suggested he'd go do it and you nodded giving him directions snd within 30minutes he was done. Striping once again, he hugged your body to his chest. You soon felt tears on your neck and small crys, you rubbed his back snd just stood there till he let go.

"What's wrong?'" You asked concerned.

"I could've killed you!" he cried, remembering the look his mother gave him before dying in his arm. His father did the same thing to his mother, only on a ship in the middle of the sea. Hugging him, you rubbed his back and placed a kiss on his lips. Holding you to his chest, kissed you back, and laid back so your bare body laid on his.

"Let's wait to shower" he suggested, kissing your neck. Nodding your head no, he flipped you over on your stomach softly and trapped your legs with his. "Please?' He asked, leaning down on your level on the floor snd holding your chest in his hand. Agreeing, knowing what's about to happen you loosened up snd he turned you on your back.

His hands ran around your chest and thighs, leaning down to kiss your naked body as a slight moan came out. From there, he moved his lips to your mouth and softly moved yours to his hair. Taking note, you ran his fingers through his dark brown ones as the two of you danced with each other's tongue. Namjoon removed his lips snd traveled down south, gripping his hair in pleasure you moaned grinding your hips. Meanwhile, he took in a natural aroma, one he found arousing. Moving his tongue around the bud, he softly kissed your thighs leaving bruises.

Looking at your head tilting back snd eyes closed with heavy to light breathing. He took his pointer finger snd rubed softly in circles, moving his body to tower you with one arm. Noticing the shift of best around your neck, you felt his warm breath move down your neck and by your ear.

"Let me tell you something darling, I'm not who I say I am" he kissed around your neck, papering it in kisses. Hearing you moan, made him aroused by the minute. However he knew it was time to go back to the castle, only he wasn't going empty-handed. As your hands rubbed his back, he whispered "I'm Namjoon, they're looking for me, darling. Tonight the last night I can spend here so let's make it count" in a raspy tone.

In shock, he gave you a minute to calm down as he could hear your heart. "I'm sorry" he apologized.

"No need, but for whatever this may be for you. Just know I haven't done anything like this with anyone," you admitted. Humming he moved to the other ear and whispered "I like that, just know it will hurt after a few minutes snd then feel better or the pain could feel good!" he warned. Taking his warning, he gently rubed you as got on his knees and opened your legs wide. Watching as he did, you noticed he was fully erected at this point and ready. You closed your eyes snd tensed your muscles as he began to simply grind his tip into you.

He was right there was pain, which caused you to bleed a bit. However, it was enjoyable without a doubt. Soon he was able to put 6/9 inches in as he trusted slowly. Moaning under him, he moved his in circles biting his lower lip as looked at your fuller lips and leaned over and wrapped your legs around his waist. After a few moments of waiting for you to adjust, you thought about today snd how it was so obvious he was the king snd yet it flee by.

As you moaned loud, his thrusts began to speed up snd the two of you could hear the sounds of his hips banging into yours snd your ass as he went faster.

"Ah, baby!" He grunted, grinding into you deeply as your hands rubed into his hair. Morning louder, his lips conceded back to yours as you held on snd then to your neck where you heard his heavy breathing. Your body was tightening around him, as he went in deeper now putting himself in. Not to mention you began to pool around him which gave him more speed in the end.

"Namjoon!" You moaned in his ear, holding his back tightly as your legs unwrapped snd opened wider for him. Cursing under his breath, he went harder as you began to arch your bag in pleasure. He held onto your back as your head went backs and the build of pleasure built up quickly.

you held onto his muscular shoulders while he moved you closer to him to go deeper. With that sending you over the edge, you screamed his name in pleasure as yours and his breathing began to match in heaviness. Shopping for a second, namjoon looked you in your eyes and thrust slowly as he was too close and it felt too good.

"In close, but I don't wanna cum yet" he grunted, thrusting deeply in and out.

"Then cum when you can't hold it!" You urged, outta breathe enjoying the depends. "I'm fine with children" you explained. Nodding, he continued and went harder this time.

His mouth roamed your chest, sucking and pulling on the bud as your back arched and mouth open in response. You this time, grinded back cgroundhim to jolt forward and start panting.

"Fuck don't do that unless you-" you interrupted doing it again. Pushing your legs back and open wide he started hammering into you as you began screaming in both pleasure and slight pain. You scratched his back and he immediately let go of your thighs snd pushed your hands back. As your body began to shake under him, he went faster as his chest heaved in breathing and yours became flushed with red. He started to let his enjoyment show more and tilted his head back with his eyes close as he went faster. He allowed the sounds of your whimpering snd moans to fulfill his urge as his balls smack your body hard causing a loud moan to come out from him.

Moving his hips to go at a slightly different angle than before, he noticed you started dripping more and more causing your heat to became more and more pleasurable on his end. He leaned down to your chest and held you as he began moaning in ecstasy as a thick load covered your walls in white.

Stoping and catching his breath, he mouthed something so simple but daring and that was simple.

"Don't leave me"

To which you replied softly. "I won't"

Soon the both of you gained the energy to get in the tub. There you two conversate on what it was like for him to be the king and all, what he planned on doing, and where he wanted to do next.

"Please come back to the castle with me tonight?" He begged, holding his hands with yours.

" I don't wanna be a drag" you looked down.

"You won't, I promise you'll enjoy your new life" he stated happily as ever.

"Namjoon don't you think it's too fast, we just met and all." You mentioned.

"Right, that is an undeniable truth. However, I know you felt the same way I did snd I know this isn't a fairy tale. But I truly feel like we could have a life" he spoke, holding your hands to his chest. Yes, that was true, you did believe in fate snd everything. But this was soon and so much.

"I'll go, but you have to let me have the ability to leave, " you said sadly, bring you to his chest he nodded and turned your body around in the tub.

From there you two did what was needed and packed a small bag of hygiene snd the coffee from earlier to go. You two had to walk back to the castle without being seen or heard at all. Which called for a few close times of being caught, from there he showed you a secrete gate entrance that led straight towards his room. From there, he tried his best to pick you up and take you to his room. there which Mrs. Pot sat praying

"I'm home and I brought a guest" he mentioned putting you down. As she recognized Mrs. Pot, she immediately went to hug her.

"It's been a while, my dear, I remember when you were both sized. I see you ran into the king, ah I knew he would've found you. I mean he's always had an eye on elegance and beauty" she mentioned embracing you tightly and pinching her cheek the same way she did with namjoon.

"I'll tell the guards your home" she looked at namjoon winking. Itching his head as he smiled, he turned to you and stripped naked again.

This time he leaned on the top of you again and you immediately kissed back. "It's a yes" you knew immediately as he took off your clothes once again that same night. Only this time, he focused on filling you up till he couldn't anymore.

"Fuck, this is amazing" he cursed, moving his hips harder as you who was behind sensitive began moaning his name louder and louder. Your legs opened wider and pools of arousal soaked the bed, making him lose control once more in you before pulling you close and moaning in your neck. Spilling once more, he simply uttered

"I love you"

"I love you too"

[syuga-s]

The Last Time

w.c 4.3k

pairing. Jooheon x gn!reader

genre. angst, a little fluff maybe, idk how to classify it but it's my take on relationships in real life(?)

a/n. (warnings) I throw some curses here and there, mention of the word "sex" once, tried to make it as gender-neutral as possible, I could really use some help about t/w, feedback is more than welcome, hope you like the fic 🧍‍♀️

Once again you were at the same bar. With the same friends. Same music. Same drinks. It's safe to say that nothing's changed in here but you.

For some reason, you were awfully quiet tonight. Everyone was away from the table by now. All of them talking and dancing in groups.

You were regretting saying yes to going out the very moment Jasmine was at your front door. But your best friend really wanted to get you out of your house.

The thing is you weren’t going to be alone, all of your friends were tagging along. I guess I need to suck it up, maybe I could have fun, despite him.

And you really tried, there was no need to make a scene anymore. All of your friends have had their fair share of nights seeing you 'talk' with him and making things awkward for everyone. It's been a while, though. You haven't seen him in exactly 2 years.

How do I explain this? There's no resentment anymore, no hate for what happened between you. But when there's a choice between spending your Friday night at the same place as him or staying at home? Well...

But tonight was clearly different. Something (Jasmine) had dragged you here and to be quite honest, it hasn’t been half bad yet. Jasmine kept waiting for you to get up from your chair to come and chat with Jackson and Changkyun. Her all-time crush and his best friend.

"In a sec!! Just let me finish this drink!" You said while you showed her your glass. She quickly nodded and turned to keep talking with those two. You have to remember to thank them later for keeping her entertained because if it weren't for them cracking jokes every single second, she wouldn't have let you off the hook that easily.

Meanwhile, you decided to get a little lost in your head. Laughing to yourself because you were feeling like having a main character moment. Being the only one sat down in a place full of people. The mysterious persona drinking by themselves.

But that didn't last long.

"Mind if I sit here?" You shook your head. He put his drink next to yours and asked, "How are you?" And it somehow felt like you couldn’t have avoided this exact situation.

You released a breath that you didn't even know you were holding. "I'm sitting Jooheon, drinking… existing, you?" He forced himself to smile. Trying to hide the fact that he was still feeling uneasy around you. Nonetheless, showing you the dimples that you used to love so much.

“I can see that”, he paused, "it's been a lot since I last saw you, you look different".

You hummed softly, finally making eye contact with him. "So you expected for me to look the same?" You surely weren't going to pass up the opportunity to be passive-aggressive to him.

It still makes you happy to know that he has never minded this side of you.

"I'm teasing, I guess we both look different, it's been what? Two years?"

"I'm not sure, but it feels like a lot" He took a sip of his drink and started to fidget with the glass. Maybe you're not the only one that's changed after all.

In the two years, you were together, you never saw him like this. But let's remember the fact that you never fully knew him back then. It just feels weird to see him this anxious. Especially with you.

"I've wanted to reach out to you for a while now," You frowned at his words. "Guess I lacked a little courage" He let out an airy laugh. "I really want to talk to you".

Now it was your turn to feel tense. What is this supposed to mean? How long has he been wanting to talk? And talk about what?

You tilted your head and opened your mouth to ask him all this, but he didn't give you the chance to get the words out.

"Before you say something, please believe me I just wanna talk", "but not in here”.

"Alright then, where do you suggest we ‘talk’ Jooheon?” He took his phone out to check the time. 10:44 p.m. He pursed his lips and said, more like hesitating, "I could walk you home?"

You stared off into your group of friends. This was going to make their night interesting. Seeing you two go together again, just like all those times before.

Jooheon's been waiting for this since he saw on your social media that you were leaving the city. And Jasmine took care of letting him know that you would be coming back in about 6 months.

That was a year ago. More than 365 days waiting to be in the same room with you. Praying that you would let him talk to you. Not that you would reject him. But he was scared, he was perfectly aware he messed up everything.

As you were both saying goodbyes to your friends, you started to think about how everything had ended between you two.

You know what? Yes, maybe I was wrong in ghosting him but after all, I don't owe him anything. Just like he threw me out of his life two years ago. We didn't work out, he never communicated with me. He didn't choose me back. I just had to watch him get rid of me, no explanations, no nothing. And I find it really hard to believe that he's been dying to talk to me. What could be so important that he wants to have a proper conversation? How will I explain to him that I stopped replying for no particular reason? That I just realized that we weren't good together, and I had to let go of him? Should I tell him that no matter my hard feelings, I still thought about him constantly?

You had left each other in the cold back then.

He called your name, and you snapped back to reality. Didn't even realize you were already outside of the bar when he softly asked you, "aren't you cold?"

You smirked and told him "Well yeah, walking back home in this weather wasn't in my plans dummy, but I didn't bring a jacket though".

He used to be so attentive to you. One of the other things you used to love about him. Always concerned about you.

He simply put his jacket around you and started walking before you could complain about something as simple as this. Like you always did.

It feels nice to know that someone in this world knows you to this extent. The way you’ll react to simple things. How can you still love someone despite knowing that you don’t work together?

You realized he still has this jacket. It's the same one he gave me the first night we spent together. Why do I have to remember this now? Not fair. Maybe he wore it on purpose.

You gave a little run to catch him. Now that you were by his side, you were getting impatient, "Can you please start talking? I'm intrigued by all your seriousness".

You were kind of hating this feeling. Everything about him felt familiar. Suddenly, you wanted to cling your arm to his but thought twice about it.

He chuckled. "Well it's not super serious, I want us to have a nice conversation, you know?" You snorted at this, what does a nice talk mean?

"I can be nice, as long as you tell me WHAT you wanna talk about…", "come on Jooheon, just get to the point".

"Okay!! OKAY… I-" he took a deep breath and continued, "First of all, I want to apologize to you for everything, then I want us to talk about what happened between us if that's okay with you?"

You'd be lying if you didn't say that you wanted this to happen since you drew apart the first time. You always dreamt of having an adult conversation with him.

But the dream left your mind bit by bit. Just like your heart got itself back together after he left you, piece by piece.

Overwhelmed, you could only stare straight ahead into the street. He called your name again. Now your eyes were on his, and you could see his concerns. How his mind was going miles per hour, just like yours.

"I want to apologize too,” you smiled and finally let yourself link arms with him. “It’s gonna take us a while, isn’t it?”.

The walk to your apartment took around 15 minutes. The words you exchanged with Jooheon were kept to a minimum. You weren’t gonna get into the heavy stuff right there in the street.

When you finally arrived, you gave him back his jacket. It was gonna get uncomfortable to talk with him with a piece of clothing that made you remember too much.

“Want something to drink? I have a beer, wine, you name it”. He sat on your couch while you searched for something non-alcoholic in your little fridge. “A beer would be okay”.

You got yourself some water. Otherwise, your head would be fuzzy, and wouldn’t be able to tell him all you’ve had on your mind for years.

You handed him the bottle, and you took your seat on the carpet. Your mind wandered off to the last time he was in here.

When he told you goodnight and planted a soft kiss on your lips like he always did. You knew it wasn’t a simple ‘good night’, for you.

You remembered how your eyes followed him until he closed the door of your apartment.

He took a swig of his drink and by the time he put the bottle on your little coffee table, it made you realize he was sitting right there, in front of you.

Finally, gathering the courage to start telling you what was on his mind. “I never thought I’d get the chance to talk to you again”.

I didn’t think so, either. We both fucked up multiple times.

──────────────────────

You were never a couple. After 5 years, you never understood what had lacked between you. The desire was there. Now and then you had your moments of happiness. Usually on the weekends.

When you met, you weren’t looking for love or a serious relationship. At least one of you.

Jooheon was free, like the wind or like a bird. He flew back and forth and once in a while he needed to land somewhere for a while. Every so often he sought another fire, another bed, other arms that weren’t yours.

The time came when he made you feel a million things inside. Overwhelmed with words and emotions, mostly love. But also turmoil and maybe desperation.

It made you happy that he made you feel so much after being empty for months. You felt different with him. It was the kind of love you didn’t know you had in you. Didn’t even think it was possible to express about someone like this. Until him.

You didn’t need anyone else. You just needed Jooheon. Not only that, but you didn’t care for how long your love would last because you believed that the meaning of the word love was what you had built together.

A few hours together. Every so often the whole night.

But when the morning came, the nightmare started to take form. Texts at inappropriate hours, and even unanswered messages.

You started thinking that you didn’t know better. You started feeling insecure. Replaceable. Maybe he knows better than to be with me.

Desperate to know what you had. But afraid that you would ruin everything with the words “What are we?”.

Tried to convince yourself that all of this was okay. That it was a good thing that you were going slow, giving him the chance to open up to you.

Months kept passing and your trust in him was running thin. He made you feel weird on the daily. Wondering if he was seeing someone else. If he danced with someone tonight. Had they kissed? Is he having sex with someone who isn’t me? What if he’s tired of me?

You wanted to be with him, but It was starting to hurt.

I hate that when I try to get myself to think that I don’t like you anymore… you do these little things that make me love you.

When you were together, he treated you like there was no one else for him. His hand was always wrapped up in yours. Talking until dawn, about college, his family, and your relationship. Those times, you couldn’t lie to yourself about your feelings.

He was the only face you could see in the world. The only guy you’ve ever wanted to keep around. But how did we get to this point?

The day you told him you were starting to fall in love with him, all he could reply was, “I don’t know what to say, I never thought you would be in love with me”.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Well what do you want me to say? You took me by surprise”.

“You could tell me how you feel. I’m not expecting for you to tell me you love me back, I-“

There’s no return now, you have to keep talking.

“I’m just tired of not knowing what’s in your head, I’m not sure if you want to have something with me anymore, it’s okay if you don’t so, just be honest with me”.

“I like you”. You stayed quiet after hearing this, urging him to tell you more than just three words.

“I mean, of course, I’m attracted to you”.

At that moment, you liked what you heard. But the more you thought about it, you realized that he didn’t actually care for you, or loved you. Maybe that was a greedy thought from you. Maybe you expected too much.

You were angry but mostly angry at yourself.

Why are you still waiting for him? It's been years and nothing has happened between you. Nothing ever will at this point.

You ended up telling him not to bother you again, that if this was his way of ‘loving’ you, you were better off without it.

But that was a lie, you longed for your phone to show his name, even if it was at 5 A.M. Still thinking that there was no other way to love someone.

Unable to put an end to it, months kept passing and nothing changed between you. Jooheon had many others, and you only had him.

You loved spending nights like this by his side, watching him sleep, wondering for hours about you two. Unable to explain how you could love him this much.

Maybe he did love you, but you can’t handle this kind of love anymore. It’s better for both of you to end this, whatever it was because it's driving you crazy. And you meant it this time.

Jooheon told you goodnight and planted a soft kiss on your lips like he always did.

You knew it wasn’t a simple ‘good night’ for you, this was the last time you were gonna let him in. Your eyes followed him until he closed the door of your apartment. Fighting back your tears while softly saying to yourself, “I’m always going to love you…”.

The texts at 5 A.M. came again, but this time there was no answer. Jooheon started calling and sending texts for days, but you didn’t reply. All your efforts in disappearing from him on social media weren’t stopping him.

He met someone else, yet the texts wouldn’t stop. Until one day they did.

Now and then your curiosity would get the best of you and you would see his Instagram stories with her. An older girl you had met once. They were supposed to be friends.

You wanted to avoid comparing yourself to her but, he never posted something with you. It’s a dumb thing to worry about, but it’s one of those things that sometimes matter.

You tried to understand the whole situation. Accept the fact that you two weren’t meant to be. That he didn’t see a future with you.

Your days stopped revolving around him. You focused your time on getting your degree, learning another language, going out with your friends. Even tried meeting new people.

There were a few here and there. No one was enough for you.

Your ideas of love and relationships were different now. You gave another meaning to the word love. You wanted to find someone who would love you and take care of you. A quiet kind of love, real love.

What you had with Jooheon, was something you never wanted to experience again. Days went by, even months until you saw each other once more; for the first time in Jooheon’s life, he felt a knot in his stomach, he knew he lost you, for good this time.

Months passed and Jooheon left his girlfriend. He now felt different because he looked for you in everyone, yet he couldn’t find you, and he felt empty.

He cursed himself a thousand times for not knowing how to appreciate you and the love you gave him for two whole years. Tears finally fell from his eyes, he couldn’t believe he was crying for someone, crying for love, crying for you.

He took his phone out, swallowed hard, and started typing another text.

“I miss you, and I need you with me now and always, I never thought I would say this, but I’m not happy without you. Maybe I should’ve loved you less and loved you better, I just want you to know that I’ll always be waiting for you my sweet y/n…”

But the message was never delivered. You had changed your number.

It made sense that you would do that someday. It’s been too long, but this didn’t stop him from sending you texts in the middle of the night. When he felt the overwhelming need to have his arms wrapped around you.

──────────────────────

I still love you

(9:05 p.m.)

no, I don’t

(9:06 p.m.)

I’m confused why did this happen

(2:26 a.m.)

I want you to be happy, if this is what it takes then I’m okay with it. be happy. for me. please.

(10:45 a.m.)

I kind of hate you for changing your number

(8:57 p.m.)

I’m sorry

(1:43 a.m.)

maybe if I wasn’t so fucked up this wouldn’t have happened

(3:37 a.m.)

why can’t things be like they were before

(10:13 a.m.)

please come back to me. I need you. You need me

(1:58 a.m.)

I still want you

(4:06 a.m.)

──────────────────────

The day you left town was the day he swore to himself to try his best to get another chance to talk to you, just once more. To make things right, not caring anymore about his pride. He just wanted to let you know everything he didn’t say when you were by his side.

That he was sorry that it took him too long to acknowledge he was wrong. That he knew he was a little too late and wishes that he could say something more meaningful than a simple “I want you back”.

──────────────────────

“I wonder why” You smirked at him.

The more you kept making eye contact, the more you realized you didn’t feel any kind of resentment anymore. You both had grown, and while you didn’t actually need this kind of closure, you figured this was the healthiest moment to do so.

His eyes were avoiding you now, his smile was still there, but you could tell he lost a bit of his confidence. “Okay, so I’m gonna talk first, please just hear me out. I want to rip the band-aid,” He said with a forced laugh.

“I don’t know why I could never tell you that love scares me. That it scares me to be attached to someone”. His tone was soft now.

“I still play in my head the day you told me you were falling in love with me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you not to tell me those things because you could have changed your mind any moment”.

“I never told you how I felt one of the many nights you spent with me. You were stroking my hair and I seriously felt like crying because I was fucking scared”.

“I was scared to lose you”.

“I’m sorry because I know I made you think I didn’t want you for something serious. I’m sorry for being immature”.

“I look at you now, and I’m happy to get to see you like this. You’re still everything I’ve ever wished for and more. You need to know that nothing compares to you”.

“And believe me, I don’t expect you to take my words as a way of asking you for another chance, I know I don’t deserve it… but I would really love it if you could let me show you I could love you better this time”.

You never imagined these words coming out of his mouth. Couldn’t believe how he was looking at you. Hopeful but understanding at your loss for words.

“Can I ask you one last thing?” His voice was barely audible, but you nodded at him.

“Well, maybe it’s not an actual question, but I’d like to know why you stopped talking to me”.

“Look Jooheon, I don’t know how everything I wanna say will come out, so please bear with me”.

You didn’t know where to start, either.

There were so many things to be said that you were getting nervous to start talking. Because once you opened your mouth, you didn’t know if you would be able to piece everything together.

“When everything ended I really wanted to hate you, everyone around me hated you,” you admitted to him, “except for me and I hated that”.

“I knew that all I could be able to do was cut you from my life, so I just decided to stop talking to you”.

It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. “I admit it was a poor way of handling things, and I’m sorry for that”.

You’ve always been scared of having this type of conversation.

You let out a sigh because you never thought that the following words were gonna come out of your mouth, ever.

“I’ve only been in love once in my life, and that was when I was with you”.

“It used to frustrate me that I wasn’t able to make it work with anyone after you. I couldn’t help but compare everyone to you”.

“I swore to myself that I never wanted to go through the same thing we had, maybe because those memories are yours and I don't want anyone else messing that up, you made me feel so safe, I felt alive with you, nothing could stop me when I had you”. 

“You've been the only one I've ever wanted to see every day, no matter the hour or how busy I was, I truly wanted everything with you”.

You hadn’t noticed how he had been looking at you this entire time. He couldn’t believe that you used to feel that way about him. Still couldn’t wrap his head around hearing you say how you loved him.

You quickly wiped a tiny little tear that escaped your eye, hoping we wouldn’t notice. But he did.

You let out a nervous laugh and said, “I’m not sad, I swear, It’s just that I never thought I would say all this out loud, especially to you”.

“You don't know how many times I wanted to call you, run to you”.

“Last year before I left I wanted to see you, I kept trying to convince myself that It didn't have to mean anything, that I was just desperate for any physical touch, but from time to time, I wonder if what I really needed was just you”.

He didn’t say anything. So you just said his name out loud. “Jooheon…” Followed by a long pause.

“I feel so different now”.

“When I was far away from you, I realized that I need someone who isn’t absent when it comes to me, someone that isn’t a ghost in my life”.

While you were talking, you were watching his every move and how he couldn’t stop playing with his rings. You’re still not used to seeing him act like this.

“At this point, I want someone who will take care of me, that makes me feel safe. Someone who wants to be with me because they love me, and they love to have me next to them. I’m beyond only spending the night over, I want whole days”.

You finally got up from the floor and sat next to Jooheon. Facing him, making him do the same. He kept looking at you for a whole minute but it felt like hours.

You didn’t know what to do after his following words.

“What I realized with being away from you is that I was pushing away what I’ve always wanted. I wasn’t confident that I could meet you where you were. I felt it would be better not to waste your time back then, but that was then, and this is now…”

You kept looking at each other a little too long. Both realizing you didn't need words anymore. The love was still there.

[azuchi-princess]

Last years I showed you some tips about glamour events

& now I will show you some tips and secrets you can use it in the collection events

I know that some players know alot about those tips but also there are player are not, & I will be happy to help them.

I will talk about advice for free & new player

& there is will be another advice for rich player or who planning to use alot of money on specific collection event..

Let's start

Free players tips:

Save your every single ticket

Don't use them for anything else expect this event, I will tell u why next :)

Every time you do love challenge you will get 3 + 5 hearts

in the first five chapter of every route you choose there will be love challenge, so every day you change the route during the event you will get 8 hearts daily, and that will increase more during love story challenge

So in the big collection event ( 3X lucky story time) you will get 24 hearts, after that change the route and use 5 tickets u saved before so u can repeat the love challenge again and take other 24 hearts,

Buy hearts with gold

It's will cost u about 2000 gold for 1 heart, you can buy just 10 hearts daily

So make sure to buy it every day

Note: you can collect gold from greeting friends and from castle gacha

You can use 10 free tickets in aday for lucky story time

Remember that cybird release 5 free tickets at 11 am pst, so in the LST ( lucky story time) use your free tickets before 11 am and after 11 am pst they will give you another 5 free tickets, use them before the LST end

and that how u get more hearts

Don't forget to Set ur alarm according to ur time zone

U can do Princess lesson every 5 hours so make sure ur princess lesson is full before lucky lesson start and set ur alarm after 5 hour so u can do it again before lucky lesson ended.

Rich player tips:

Buy all the value sets, experts the one with 500 coins,

Purchase the rest ( u can use every one for 3 times , expert 100 coins just for one time)

If you wamt to be in ranking, u have to focus on two things - chapter tickets - coins hearts -

Listen carefully I have secrets can change ur life XD.

As I tald before use tickets in LST

for u as ranking player, it's will take time to finish 5 ch, between 1.30 - 2 minutes every ch.

There is app can help u called auto click

It's will save ur poor finger from becoming red after pressing very hard XD

It's can can make u finish 1 ch in one minute,

This app have nothing related to hack

It's just can be ur super fast finger, nothing more,

when u use it u dont take anything from cybird,,

u pay for everything (u pay for tickets, value sets, hearts, coins...) & trust me, the more u use this app the more u spend more money on cybird

U can find the app on app store it's have other differences names, make sure to find the one that match ur phone bc some of it can make the game pause if ur phone have alot of used space

Some of phones can freeze for minutes if u use app to hight for ur phone, so make sure to chose the number of milliseconds can match ur device, not too slow and not too fast, it's will take time to know the best one for u, or u can pay for premiums, it's better

Every time u change the route make sure not to choose the routes that have sasuke explain to u how to play the game,, that will take time from u, and remember every second is important

Also choose the routes that be shorter

Be aware that click assistant can't help u in every thing,, it's will help u just to finish route

U have to put attention on ur internet speed, for me I used my phone data instead of wifi during the LST time, so I can move fast and don't have problems with loading every time I press a button.

If there is a collection event that give attire for ranking 1# and u would die to take it, just listen carefully..

Don't let the competitors know how many hearts you have

Just buy hearts and hide it's in your present box, don't use alot of hearts on ur warlord to make player 1# feel save about his amount of hearts

And then before 10 minutes from the event end

PAAAM surprise them all and use every heart u save, the other player will not have the time to reach ur number bc it's the last 10 minutes

That's my evil plan OwO

.

.

Just be careful and don't do my mistake, I remember one day I bought every heart I could, to save it to the last 10 minutes

I set my alarm to that, so before 10 minutes from the event end I have checked my phone and there was no internet, it was an error

I was like O.o, sadly the company tooks half an hour to fix the,problem, it's was too late for the event and I lost my hearts QAQ

From that day I learned to use my saving hearts first every time I set my alarm for LST, then I start to use my tickets, so if every think happened during LST I'll have the time to do something about it.

Just be careful as well, it might happen to u as will, and facing other problem before the event end.

Also u can collect hearts from love challenge and don't use them on ur warlord right away

.

.

If u plan to use more than 5k hearts and u want to save it to the last make sure to use it before the last 10 minutes bc it's will take time to use them all and I'm afraid that 10 minutes would be not enough for u specially if ur internet is slow sometimes..

Why it's always 10 minutes??

bc the game make updates to the ranking member every 10 minutes,, and ur rival can see the mount u spend, so she can be a stip ahead of u,,

.

.

.

If u was busy with ur job or school or business like me and really want to rank in the event but don't have the time to play daily,

choose the the biggest lucky story time and spend every thing on it..

& pray that no one will take ur place at ranking XD..

.

.

.

sorry for my typo,, English is not my first language :(

the last thing is I want to share my experiences with you :D

last year when I was playing the event and suddenly the game pause in the time I was in the event page,, every time I press something the game was giving me hearts,, I was like what the heck XD, I deleted the game and download it again but still doesn't work, the most bad thing that I couldn't play the routes it's just pause, I wrote to cybird about that error, happily the game fixed after the update but the route that I was in restart itself XD

So if anything happened in the game during the events or not,, remember it's not ur fault it's cybird fault OwO, and it's will be fixed the next updated,

That was all my advices for u I hope it's be helpful for u

if u have tips I didn't mention or any experiences u want to share pls comment below so u could help the other players,

[fansplaining]

Hello! I'm curious to know your opinion. I've been working on this long fic for months. Ever since I started writing there has been a bunch of anon's under different names telling me how to write each chapter. Saying things like "make (A) do this", "(b) needs to do that." "I expect this to happen to (C)" Etc. On one hand I'm grateful for the feedback, after all what writer isn't, but of 10 comments, 9 are like this. I'm starting to feel my writing isn't good enough for my readers.

Hello anon! Elizabeth here. Hooooo boy let me tell you, as I was reading this I went on a **journey**. When I reached “9 out of 10,” I went, “WHAT.” I have a few thoughts, and without knowing the full context (what your story is like, what fandom it’s in, etc etc) some of this might apply and some might not. But I think it’s all generally useful for fic writers and readers to think about.

This actually got pretty long, so I’ll put my thoughts under a cut.

 1) The story vs reader expectations

This is something I think about—and talk about—a lot. Here’s a bit of what I said while discussing what “OOC” actually means a few episodes back: 

Humans act irrationally, and I think that you can write a character acting irrationally well. But to me, that’s not a character acting out of character. That’s a character acting against character, irrationally... I think when we say “out of character” about characters we’re actually saying something different, which is: “Have you done the work to show why the character would respond to this situation X way or Y way?” And if he responds Z way, and you haven’t done any of the work to show why he might do that or any of the consequences if it is truly out of character the way we would say a real human acts out of character—then very often it is bad writing. It is people taking plot ideas and then imposing them over their characters without earning it.

These conversations are a huge part of our discussions about media in recent years—whether writing choices are good, whether they are earned, whether they are “in character,” whether they conform to what we expected. But the last one is where things get really murky—because there are *a lot* of readers and viewers these days who are kind of doing what I’m accusing bad writers of doing in that quote—imposing their expectations over the story without really grasping what’s been set up by the writer(s).

There are a lot of parts to this. We often pinpoint Lost as the place where the modern audience’s inclination to “solve” a show was born, and this has spread throughout viewing/reading cultures over the past two decades. The rise of “spoiler culture” is a huge factor here, too—as if knowing plot points is the only thing of value when viewing or reading a piece of entertainment. My least favorite thing in all of this is TV Tropes and the kind of rewiring of peoples’ brains to *only* look for those concepts (which are often weirdly narrow and reductive, unlike, say, the more categorical tropes of fic or the romance genre). 

Here’s an example: in 2017, Gav and I made our love of Black Sails the centerpiece of our fandom newsletter, The Rec Center, and in the process got a lot of people to watch it. And because we were the ones that inspired them, I had a fair number of people in my mentions/messaging me to give their real-time reactions as they went through the episodes.

While not every single writing choice on Black Sails is flawless, much of it is meticulously done, and so many of the plot points are carefully well-earned. But the things people were guessing would happen next in my mentions...were bonkers. Not everyone! But it was enough people (guessing different things) that I was kind of floored. I would think, If that’s what you think is going to happen next, I feel like you aren’t paying attention to the show? I should clarify that this happened with *a lot* of people, not trying to call anyone in particular out. But so many of the guesses felt like they came from expectations imposed by other media, especially stuff that’s signficantly more formulaic and tropey. 

This instinct—to predict, to vocally desire outcomes, to try and get ahead of the writers, to impose the structures of other media over the thing you’re watching—is *deep* in a lot of viewers’ and readers’ minds these days, and it comes out regardless of the quality of the writing. I think it’s not a great turn of events, to be honest—and it leads writers to make some really foolish choices in an attempt to “trick” viewers with something they never could’ve guessed. Which...generally makes for bad writing overall. 

2) Expectations within your fic

So this is the part where I falter a bit without context. Because some fic writers make it clear that they are posting as they write, and that they’re open to suggestions for plot choices. I assume you haven’t done this, or you wouldn’t be unhappy that people are trying to dictate what comes next. 

I’m curious if you are signalling that you’re...OK? with these kinds of comments by, say, writing nice replies that don’t make it clear that you know where you’re going with the story and you’ve already made choices about what happens next. There’s definitely a way to strike that balance, like a very polite evasion, something like, “Haha, thanks for the comment! I have the whole fic plotted out, so you’ll just have to wait and see!” If you start to signal that you’re in control of the plot, not the commenters, perhaps they’ll chill out a bit—because I gotta be honest, the fact that this is 90% of the comments...is wild to me. And I’m wondering if people are doing it because they see other people doing it. 

Again, total speculation without any actual context. I think that this sort of thing is likely more common in certain fandoms and with certain age groups. Even on AO3, fandom is not a monolith—I wonder if you’ve noticed this with other longfics in your fandom. It might be worth checking out how other writers have handled it, if they’re getting flooded with comments like these. 

I posted a longish fic recently, 75K over the course of three months, and let me tell you, no offense to any of my commenters, but a few of them reminded me of those Black Sails folks: What story are you actually reading?? I politely pushed back with one who asserted a whole bunch of stuff that was not in the story at all and tried to predict what would happen based on what was frankly bad reading comprehension. With others who expressed expectations about where things would go, I went the, “Haha you’ll have to wait and see!” route.

Talking to other people who’ve posted chapter-by-chapter longfics, I know that some of the bad predictions are par for the course: being absolutely certain the trouble in a section won’t be resolved, being convinced that any hint that the ship may not stay together will come to pass, even when, what, 95% of all shippy fic has the characters staying together? There’s a sort of performativity of immediate reactions in fic commenting, “OH NO, OH NO, ARE THEY BREAKING UP?” Like, duh, not forever. But commenting as real-time reaction is clearly the way a lot of readers engage with fic. Which is fine! That’s different from dictating the plot to you. 

3) The commenters vs your story

OK, so conceptually swinging back to the first bit, while my immediate response to, “I'm starting to feel my writing isn't good enough for my readers,” is NO NO NO JUST BECAUSE AN AUDIENCE IS SAYING SOMETHING DOESN’T MEAN YOU ARE BAD AND THEY ARE CORRECT. But! I think it might be worth spending a liiiitttle bit of time with them to see what they are saying, and how you think that connects back to what you’ve written. 

When folks came at me with, “I think X will happen next in Black Sails,” I, as a person who’s watched it several times and also professionally deconstructs texts as a critic, can go through and be like, “Here’s why I think that’s a misreading of what you’ve seen so far” (though mostly I would just say things like, “Why try to predict the plot! Just enjoy it!” because I’m trying not to be a dick). Rewatching the show, I can see all the things the writers carefully laid out, and how they pay off eventually. Can I imagine alternate choices for the characters? Sure! But I can see why, with the specific context and stakes in which characters made decisions, the writers had them do what they did. If they made other choices, I’d want that similar sort of work-showing. 

Similarly, when I got the occasional comment like this on the aforementioned fic, I would take it seriously for a moment. Why are they predicting this? Is it possible I haven’t shown my work enough? As I was writing, I thought very carefully about the characters and their motivations and the way certain events shaped their choices, and how changing events would change those choices. Generally, those comments felt, well, unearned: they were more about the reader than about the actual story. 

It helped having a beta who is both smart and scary, and wouldn’t hesitate to tell me if something wasn’t working. A big issue with the “no feedback in fanfic” convo is decontextualized “feedback” from random readers is not really useful! You have people coming from all sorts of backgrounds, all levels of reading comprehension, all sorts of contexts. Everyone can give you their *reaction* to your work, of course, but without that context of critique—the thing you have with a beta/editor, or if you’re in a writing workshop or group—it’s rare that some rando can give you truly useful feedback. 

But! That brings me back to 9 out of 10. I think, with that many people weighing in, it’s worth doing a little bit of serious consideration. Just read back over the story. If you can see ways that you zigged when you were signalling that you were going to zag, then your commenters might have a point. If they’re guessing character X might do Y next, and you’ve planned to have him do Z but actually haven’t done the legwork to make Z seem like a sensible next step, then that might be a fair read. Especially when they say, “I expect X will do Y,” try to figure out to the root of that expectation. Is this about the story, or is it about them? 

Because no audience is some neutral set of readers, and fandom even less so. People might tell you to do something because they hate one character and love another. People might hate your ship and for some reason are choosing to read it anyway. People have a million different contexts they bring to reading a work and not infrequently, they are reading through sets of expectations formed by other pieces of media that have very little to do with your own. 

4) tl;dr

The ~wisdom~ of the crowd is not inherently greater than the wisdom of the writer. Many people in fandom are very thoughtful readers—probably some of the most thoughtful readers out there! But plenty...are not. And that’s fine! They’re obviously still free to comment. I’d love to say, “ignore them, write for yourself, you’re writing the story you wanna write,” but I know how frustrating this must be for you. So give them a little consideration, but not too much. And most importantly, if you have a beta, ask them their opinion of these comments—and if you don’t have a beta, get one! Because a reader you know and whose opinions you trust is so much more valuable than random anon comments, no matter the circumstances. 

[simply-slu-slu]

Glaciality Chapter 4: "Partners"

Cassidy agressively dragged Slush down the vast hallway by the arm with a soft growl. The woman couldn't stand children, her boss knew this, and yet here she was stuck working with them anyways!

"Come on move it already!" She exclaimed as she yanked at the small canine's arm, causing Slush to yelp.

"Would you quit with the tugging already? I'm going as fast as my legs can carry me!" Slush snarled in response, lightly glaring up at the head nurse with disgust.

"Do you want to get shocked again, brat?"

Slush clenched her jaw, deciding to not even dignify the woman with a response. The husky averted her gaze to the shiny white tiles below her feet, now seeing the ice that remained coated over parts of her body.

'That's never happened before...'

She thought to herself with a soft sigh.

'Guess I got more stressed out than I thought.'

Her train of thought was broken by another tug from Cassidy.

"Go in here. Hurry up." The woman shoved Slush into a small closet like room, that was dimly lit by a single light bulb. Slush folded an ear before looking toward the woman with a confused look. "Put on those clothes there, quickly."

"It's...a little big don'tcha think?" Slush asked as her eyes settled on the orange and white t-shirt along with matching orange pants that was neatly hung up on the wall.

"Just put it on and quit asking questions!"

Slush scoffed as she glanced back at the suit once more. She shook her head lightly as she began to remove her hospital gown.

'Really, orange? What am I, a prisoner? I mean at least it's not yellow...but still couldn't they have picked purple or something?'

She reached out for the shirt, only to come into contact with a rather thin and scratchy material causing her fur to rise as she pulled her hand away in disgust.

'Ick...that feels ugly.'

"256 would you hurry it up already?"

"I'm going I'm going." She remarked as she reached for the shirt once more, taking it off it's hanger before putting it on.

Once she got it on straight, the shirt hung down to just above her knees. She then reached for the pants and attempted to put them on as well, but the pant legs practically covered her feet entirely, and they felt as if they were threatning to slide off at any moment.

"I'm sorry ma'am but these are way to big." Slush opened the door of the closet before looking up at Cassidy who clearly didn't care.

"Too bad. You'll just have to work with it." She reached over and grabbed Slush by the arm once more before dragging her off yet again.

"Seriously?" Slush stumbled and tripped over the pant legs, causing them to nearly fall off of her but she caught them by the waist using her free hand. "You knew I was leaving, so why didn't you have anything prepared?"

"We don't have anything in your size runt, you're only about 2'0", and most mobian huskies are at least 3'2" by your age. I honestly thought you were 6 by your height alone." Cassidy said in a snarky tone before laughing.

Slush's ears pinned back as she let out a small snort in response.

'When I grow some more, we'll see who the real runt will be.'

Slush remained silent as Cassidy continued to drag her along, only letting out a small gasp upon seeing a large group of children up ahead, around 100 or so that were beginning to line up against the wall.

"What's going on?" Slush asked.

"This is where you will line up, and then you'll fill into the assembly hall." Cassidy responded. "255, 257 raise your hands."

A parrot and a lamb who were standing by one another reluctantly raised their hands.

"What for?"

"You're going to be paired up." Cassidy began to push Slush toward the two creatures. "Now go stand between those two."

"Uh...alright?" Slush folded an ear before reluctantly making her way to the other two children with their hands up. The lamb and parrot made a bit of space for her to stand between in response as they put their hands down. "What does she mean by paired up?" Slush asked in a quiet whisper.

"From what I understand, these people have designated us some kind of work partner. Not so sure what happens next." The female parrot whispered softly.

'Work...partner? Why would we need that?'

Slush thought to herself as the line began to move into the assembly hall.

"Alright kids, you are to sit in order starting from the front row to the back once you enter the dome of the assembly hall." One of the facility staff called out over an intercom. "Do not get out of order, and do not disobey instructions. There will be consequences for disobedience. All questions will be answered by the speaker before the pairing session begins."

Slush glanced around as they slowly filled into the assembly hall, the ceiling was a large glass dome and snow could be seen falling and sliding off the outside of it. The wind from the storm outside could be heard ever so slightly as it whipped its way around the building. She then turned her attention to the red velvet theater-chairs that were lined up in various rows. The bottom half of the hall could hold up to 350 people, and the upper floor of the hall seemed like it could easily hold another group of 300 people.

Once all the children settled into their seats, the lights of the hall dimmed slightly as what seemed to be G.U.N. soldiers shut the doors of the hall. Two soldiers stood at every exit door, and about 10 more stood at the foot of the stage as the stage lights came on.

Pure silence fell across the room as a male cougar made his way to the oak podium that sat in the center of the stage, holding a few notecards in his hands as well as a tablet of sorts. He laid the tablet on the podium before straightening his cards, looking up at the crowd of young children with his vibrant Amethyst eyes.

"Good evening children," the cougar began. "Welcome to the Whispervale Sanctuary for Gifted Children of Wildelynn, or The W.S.G.C.W. for short. You shall all refer to me as Headmaster Kanjiro." The cougar glanced down at his cards, flipping one of them over before looking up at the children again.

"I am certian you all are disoriented and confused as to why you are here, so I will be answering a few questions before we pair you with your statistically chosen partners. Please place your hands on the of your identification plates found on your collars if you have a question. If I call your number, keep your hand on your identification plate until a microphone is passed to you. Do not speak unless you are selected please, and I'd suggest you be respectful if you know what is good for you."

A majority of the children lifted their hands to the metal plates found on their necks as Kanjiro glanced down at his tablet. The tablet appeared to have a map of the theater, and the children who had their hands to their plates could be seen as small red dots on the map.

"161. Your question please." A microphone was passed to a male eagle owl.

"Why are we here?"

"As we do annually, we select 650 children that are age 10, that have promising abilities to be taken into this facility. Due to Wildelynn's rising crime rates, we plan to make better officers for the city. Each and every one of you show promising abilities that could prove to be useful in lowering the crimerate of the city." He glanced down at his tablet once more. "427."

"Why do you only pick 10 year olds? Why not teenagers or adults?"

"You are at the perfect age, any younger than 10 children tend to be immature and difficult to manage. Any older, such as a pre-teen or teenager tends to be rebellious, and you are at such an age where we can easily put a stop to that rebellious stage before it starts. As for adults, although they can still learn, it often takes longer for them to grasp information and their bodies aren't as agile." He glanced down at his tablet before setting his gaze upon Slush. "256."

"But aren't many adults already going through police and military training? And aren't their laws against kids working?" Slush asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, but as stated before they learn slower and their bodies aren't as agile. We can train your body to do things in your youthful state, which will grant you exceptional flexibility and durability as you get older. And yes, you are correct. But the first 5 years you will spend here will involve vigorous training. Once you turn 16, you will begin regular patrolling. Given that you survive the first 5 years." The cougars face darkened slightly, his tone becoming rather grim.

'Survive? What exactly is he trying to say here?'

Slush thought to herself.

"421."

"Will we ever get to see our families again?"

"No. You belong to the government now, your parents have no custody over you, nor any say in what we do to you starting from the moment you set foot in this place. You will never see them again, unless they are the victims or perpetrators of a crime."

Many of the children became restless at this statement. Many, including Slush were already missing their families as it was, but to be told that they would never see their families again was just soul crushing to say the least.

'So...Dr. Emerson wasn't lying about that. I'm never going to see Dad, or Merci ever again. I can't even visit mom in White Acropolis either...and she'll never know why.'

Slush's eyes became covered in blue and white spirals as she cried lightly, as did many other children.

"332."

"Why are we reffered to as numbers instead of our names?"

"Names are useless here. You are not citizens, but subjects, data. Nothing more. 36 your question please."

"Why were we specifically selected?"

"As stated previously, you show the most promise out of all of Wildelynn's children. A good handful of you, I'm certian will be promoted to Trainee's for G.U.N." he looked down at his tablet once more. "29."

"When you mentioned if we survived...what did you mean sir?"

"The training regimen is not easy. It will be difficult and is adjusted to each of your needs. Some will breeze through it, others may die trying. And if the second outcome occurs, then and only then would you be reunited with your families."

"That's not fair!"

"You didn't even give any of us a choice to be here!"

"I want to go home!"

"I hate this place!"

Many children began to scream in disbelief, some beginning to activate their powers out of anguish.

"I'd suggest you sit back down and remain silent." Kanjiro said with a flat tone as he glared at those who were beginning to rise from their seats. Slush was not one of them, but she stared down Kanjiro as her blue spirals swirled rather violently over her eyes.

The children seemingly ignored the command, until their collars let off a harsh shock, causing them all to fall back into their seats with an outcry as burn marks formed on their necks, around the collars.

"I warned you. Do not make me do it again. Let that be a lesson to all of you." The Headmaster growled, "We have no time for such behavior." He straightened his cards once more before looking back at his cards. "That will be all the questions I will be taking. When I call your initals and plate number, you are to come up on stage, greet one another, and then follow an associate to your temporary rooms. You will have 3 days of team building exercises to get acquainted with one another before your G.U.N. fosters arrive. They will instruct you further."

The children moved slightly in their seats, whispering amongst themselves as they begrudgingly waited for their ID's to be called.

"R.T.S. 150, you are paired with P.E.Y. 500. X.E.Z. 10, paired with U.I.R. 12..."

***

Slush had her eyes focused on the snow fall that could be seen up above. The headmaster seemed to be taking ages to list off the names and frankly she was getting quite bored. It felt like she had been waiting over an hour, maybe even two and yet he hadn't seemed to even be halfway through all the kids just yet.

"V.A.V. 587, you are paired with S.L.I. 256."

Slush's ears twitched before she looked toward the stage with wide eyes.

"You'd better go..." the children around Slush whispered softly. "Hope you get someone nice."

"Uh...thanks?" Slush rose from her seat, lightly tapping her fingers together as she made her way to the stage. The canine could have sworn that she felt everyone's eyes on her at that moment...and honestly it was quite scary least to say.

'Oh gosh...'

She thought as her eyes focused on a navy blue Belgian Sheepdog that was making her way to the stage. Her fuchsia eyes darting around in fear as her ears were folded flat against her head.

The Sheepdog made her way onto the stage, walked up to Slush and simply gave a small wave before glancing back toward the crowd. Slush glanced back at the crowd as well before gently taking her new partner's hand, causing the other pup to jump lightly in suprise. The canine gazed at Slush with a confused look, she was clearly afraid.

"Come on, we gotta go to the staff..." Slush whispered softly.

"O-okay..." The other pup responded before being guided by Slush to the staff member. From there the two were guided to a room labeled with their ID's.

"In here kids. You'll be notified for dinner, but you are not allowed out of this room until then." A staff member said before closing the door once they were both inside.

Their room was quite bland, only consisting of white and black colors, almost as plain as the ward. The walls were painted white, and the carpet seemed to be pitch black. There were two beds which laid against the walls of the room, they had black comforters, white sheets and white pillows and looked rather stiff. There was nothing else within the room.

The girls silently chose a bed, Slush heading for the one on the right, the other pup for the left. They sat in silence for a moment before Slush finally decided to break the silence.

"So...what's your name?"

"Uh..." The sheepdog looked up at Slush, her ears pinning back. "Vitality...Vitality Valoore..." she glanced away. "And you?"

"Slush Icydra." Slush smiled softly.

The two sat in silence once more for a few minutes.

"I-I'm scared." Vitality managed to choke out, tears forming in her eyes.

"Me too..." Slush's ears pinned back as she looked down at her hands.

"R-really?"

"Yeah...I don't know what to expect."

"I just don't understand why they are doing something like this."

"Me either honestly...it makes no sense to me."

"D-do you...do you think we will make it Slush?"

"Make it?"

"Survive I mean..."

Slush remained silent for a moment, lightly rubbing her hands together.

"Maybe. I don't know."

Vitality covered her eyes with a small whine in response.

"But, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try." The husky said as she glanced up at her companion. Vitality's ear flicked as she removed her hands from her face. "If we try hard enough, if we learn enough...maybe just maybe we can get out of this situation."

"You really think so..?"

"Again...I don't know. But it's worth a shot. Maybe when we get older, they won't be as strict with us. But I really don't know at the moment."

"That would be nice..."

"Yeah."

"Slush?"

"Hm?"

"I know that we just met, but...is there any chance I can get a hug from you? I...I just really need one."

"Yeah, of course." Slush rose up from her bed and began to walk toward Vitality, who met her halfway to the center of the room. Slush wrapped her arms around Vitality into a small hug. "It'll be okay. We just have to work together..."

"Right..."

[aaronandroberthemmerdalegay]

7 huge Emmerdale fan theories that will blow your mind

What's next for the villagers? The superfans have some ideas.

Emmerdale fan theories, Cain Dingle, Robert Sugden, Moira Dingle.

In recent months, Emmerdale has really gained momentum. With new arrivals, flashback surprises during the special Big Night Out episodes, heartbreaking and hard-hitting storylines for Victoria and Lisa and, of course, the gripping twists in abusive Maya's downfall – it's been exciting stuff.

We all know one sign of a great soap storyline is if it gets fans talking. Currently, Emmerdale has a wealth of fan theories about what might happen next. Social media has been rife with speculation and we've put together some of the best theories for you to ponder over. Do they sound probable or are they way off the mark?

1. Victoria will give her baby to Robron

Victoria Barton confides in Moira Dingle in Emmerdale

ITV

One of the biggest Emmerdale theories of the moment centres around the outcome of Victoria's pregnancy after her horrific rape. As this storyline has played out in parallel to Robert and Aaron's struggling surrogacy plans, fans have put two and two together and speculated that Vic will give her baby to Robron.

While we know Victoria is pregnant, not much has been said yet about whether she plans to go ahead and have the baby. With brother Robert desperate to have a child with his husband Aaron, could Victoria's tragedy have an unexpected outcome for all three of them?

In truth, we have our doubts on this one, as it wasn't so long ago that Victoria was desperate for a baby herself, so we'll just have to wait and see what she decides...

I'm wondering if Victoria will have her baby and give it to Robron #emmerdale

— Ann beverley (@anniebev6) May 15, 2019

Robert and Aaron are going to bring up Victoria’s baby aren’t they #emmerdale

— Kelly Mew🧚‍♂️ (@x_kelx) May 14, 2019

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I wonder if Aaron and Robert will have Victoria’s baby 🤔 #Emmerdale

— Lindsay Kaye Clamp x (@lindsay_kayex) May 10, 2019

2. Maya has groomed other boys

Maya Stepney in the woods in Emmerdale

ITV

Ever since manipulative Maya began worming her way into Jacob's affections, viewers have wondered whether she has done this before. She might have protested her innocence to the police and Jacob's loved ones, but her efforts to groom him have shown a clever and vindictive woman at work. Could it be that there are other victims of Maya out there? Could they be the cause of her downfall?

Viewers were quick to pick up on ex-husband Liam Cavanagh's reaction to her arrest and after all, it was Leanna who tried to warn the villagers what Maya was like long before we saw her true colours. Will it emerge that Maya has done this before?

Now it's out in the open it wouldn't surprise me if it turns out that Maya has done this before. #Emmerdale

— Penn Wooding (@BrixhamUK) May 22, 2019

Going to guess that this grooming #Emmerdale storyline will finally end with the revelation that Maya has done this before and that Maya isn’t her name.

Yes, I watch Emmerdale. 🐏🐄🐓

— Jim Doran (@jai_dee) May 22, 2019

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Maya must have previous form surely?? Jacob can't be her first victim 🤔 #Emmerdale

— pollyk (@joy9kat) February 28, 2019

3. Laurel and Jai set to be Emmerdale's next big romance

Charlotte Bellamy as Laurel Thomas in Emmerdale

ITV

Forget Robron, Coira or Vanity – could Emmerdale's next biggest ship be Jaurel? After Laurel's disastrous affair with Bob, are producers lining up her next romance with another unlikely admirer? Fans think they've spotted sparks in the Sharma sweet factory between Jai and Laurel, and they've certainly been spending more time together in recent months.

Since Jai's last relationship with con artist Nell ended badly, he's been on his own and even actor Chris Bisson expressed interest in Jai having a bit of happiness. What do you reckon, could that be with Laurel?

Anyone else getting the feeling that Laurel and Jai are going to end up together? #Emmerdale

— Anzi (@Monkey_Moom) April 10, 2019

Is it me or are we getting Jai & Laurel vibe? 😊 #Emmerdale

— Sulagna (@maitra_sulagna) April 10, 2019

Think there's going to be a Jai and Laurel romance.. #Emmerdale @ITV

— Eleri (@EleriEdwards) March 21, 2019

4. Moira or Cain will cheat

Moira Dingle in Emmerdale

It hasn't gone unnoticed that things have been strained between Cain and Moira of late. With Cain spending more time with ex-flame Harriet, and Moira left to confide in new farmhand Nate, even the couple themselves seem to be aware they've hit a rough patch. With frostiness at Butler's and each of them spending more alone time with others, could this be a sign that Coira are doomed to split?

Theories circulating have predicted Cain might return to the arms of Harriet again or Nate's attraction to an older woman might mean he'll bunk up with Moira.

But Coira fans might not need to worry too much yet as actor Jeff Hordley's recent interview on This Morning suggested Cain and Moira are solid. Unless this was just to throw us off the scent...

I really don't understand where emmerdale going with the Cain/Harriet and Moira/Nate. I just know they love messing the Cain and Moria fans around. I just want them to have a decent storyline. Not in involving exs. I'm not worried about Coria they love each other ☺☺☺#Emmerdale

— Royal Princess Alice Rinderette 😘😘😘😘😊😊 (@WoodhouseAlice) May 16, 2019

Still can't help but feel the writers of emmerdale are going to split Coira up .Cain getting close to Harriet and then Moira cosies up to Nate not feeling positive but normally turns out ok

— Coirafanatic (@Lunascatcat) May 19, 2019

5. Is Mandy Dingle dying?

Chas Dingle attacks Mandy Dingle in Emmerdale

ITV

You might think the Dingles have had enough tragedy in recent times, but that doesn't stop fans speculating that there's more on the way. When Mandy Dingle returned earlier this year, she hinted that she hadn't revealed her biggest secret, and left without another word. While some fans predicted that her son Vinny could be Paddy's, others had more heartbreaking ideas.

Could Mandy's real secret be a terminal illness? Was her brief visit to Emmerdale to set up a later story where she makes peace with her family and comes home to die? Whatever Mandy's secret, we'd love to see Lisa Riley back in the village – her fun return was all too brief.

Is Mandy ill?? #Emmerdale

— All About Soap & Reality (@about_soap) January 8, 2019

6. Jamie's mystery caller is Joe Tate

Alexander Lincoln as Jamie Tate in Emmerdale

ITV

There's no better way to get soap fans speculating than by throwing in a mystery phone call. Newcomer Jamie Tate has so far seemed nice as pie compared to his mother Kim, despite being embroiled in a car accident in his first week. Nevertheless, Jamie seemed clean cut until we saw he was hiding a secret – twelve missed calls.

Fans' thoughts immediately turned to Joe, once presumed dead and now AWOL somewhere in the world. Could it be him who's trying to get in touch with his estranged uncle? Or is there someone else desperate to get in touch with Jamie?

I bet you that’s joe ringing jamie #emmerdale

— 🌚 (@nottjayy) May 16, 2019

Did anyone else notice Jamie having missed calls from an unknown number? It's Joe Tate!!! He's coming home! 😀

— Dan (@DanONeil95) May 16, 2019

7. Adam Barton will make a return to the village

Victoria and Adam Barton fear Pete has threatened their adoption chances in Emmerdale

After Victoria's rape ordeal, we've only just begun to watch her heartbreaking story. But some viewers are already predicting there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Could a return of Victoria's ex-husband Adam Barton give her back some happiness?

We've seen how much Victoria misses him and with actor Adam Thomas reportedly keen to return, we wouldn't rule it out. But just what would this mean for Moira and her killer secret?

@emmerdale I think Victoria will keep the baby and Adam returns #Emmerdale

— Tam LizAnn ODriscoll (@tamlizann) May 9, 2019

Victoria will give the baby to Robert and Aaron and go in search of Adam her true love

— helen (@Helenwo21468879) May 10, 2019

Emmerdale airs weeknights on ITV.

[themagiciansreccenter]

The Great Blank Spot: Greywash

So much goes into creating fanfiction even before the first words hit the paper. And in-depth spotlight on our writers and the process behind their work.

Tell us about your current project.

I'm finishing up the sequel to "Firebird"—or, well, really, the story that "Firebird" is a prequel to. It's called "The Marriage Plot" and it's a fake-fake-marriage story, or an un-arranged marriage story, or something: basically it starts with a political misunderstanding that *looks* like the only way out is going to be Eliot and Quentin getting married. Spoiler: that's not what happens.

The fics are finally posted from The Trials. Did you participate?

No, I came into the fandom after The Trials started, so I missed it, but I'm still reading my way through everyone's submissions and really enjoying them!

What is your current word count?

104,069 words, but I revise/cut/rewrite a lot as I go so that goes up and down.

Do you try to write daily? Do you have a word count or other goals you try to hit for each writing session?

I write every morning for about an hour and a half before work—or, well, I sit and work on fiction for about an hour and a half: sometimes that's freewriting, or reading, or editing. I'm trying to be less focused on output quantity and more on time spent this year, since trying for output goals seems to encourage some not-good strains in my mental health whatsits to go mad with power and make my life suck.

What was the inspiration for this fic?

Ahahahahahah oh dear. Um—the answer to that question is hugely spoilery, so I guess I'll say: the last six lines of dialogue, which sort of ~came to me in a vision~, or whatever, and then... the whole rest of the story sort of... constructed itself around that. But I think I can say that I'd been thinking/obsessing about Fillorian marriage, and how—like, skin-crawlingly horrific I find it as a concept, and *why* I find it so skin-crawlingly horrific, before I started working on "The Marriage Plot," and that definitely—informed the story, let's say.

How do you stay motivated between chapters/stories?

I don't have a huge problem staying motivated... for me it's more that I have SO MUCH STUFF I want to work on, so I have trouble staying focused. I have this little Penny-centric fic that I want to get done before the end of the current fan_flashworks round, so I have like 24 hours, and I also have a Penny/Quentin story that'll go up in the next FFW amnesty, and... possibly one or more *other* stories for FFW amnesties that are either done or mostly done, and I just! I am really bad!! at staying focused on one project.

On the motivation front, though, I will say that a big part of why I don't tend to lose motivation is that I never leave projects "at a good stopping point". This seems really counterintuitive, but it helped me *so* much when I started doing this: I almost always end a writing session by getting to a good stopping point, and then writing 9/10ths of the next sentence or paragraph. I like to have a sentence waiting for me where the ending is obvious but not actually written down, so I open it up the next morning and I'm like, "oh, that's supposed to end, 'with his palm'" or whatever, so I have that really easy in for getting back into the swing of writing.

Did this fic require any research? How much research do you typically do for your fics?

I do do quite a bit of research, but I don't typically do research in advance. I'm, like, the anti-planner, I am *so* bad at planning stories, so I kind of write until I hit a point where I'm like "oh, God, I actually do need to know how you go about getting a marriage license in New York, don't I," and then I spend like three hours on the NY city clerk's office website or whatever. I think the thing where I was looking up how to get a marriage license in New York came up like 30,000 words into this story, or something. And a lot of times I'll {{bracket something I need to look up later, like this}} and then just keep working, and fill it in in less high-value writing time—I do that on my lunch breaks a lot, so I can keep my block writing time in the morning for actually making new words.

Do you typically write ahead or post as you go?

It really depends on the project. Somewhat ironically, I mentioned this on Dreamwidth earlier this morning, but I actually usually kind of hate posting things as WsIP unless I am well ahead and very, very sure I can finish quickly. I got kind of trapped by a multi-year WIP in //Sherlock// fandom, which—I love that story, I just wish I wasn't posting it as a WIP. (Though it also wouldn't be that story if I hadn't posted it as a WIP, so... whatever, que sera sera, et cetera.)

When I was posting "Firebird", I started out with... I think I was drafted five chapters ahead at the start? Six? Maybe? I honestly don't remember, but I do know it rapidly fell to four and then kind of froze there, because I knew I needed to have Ch. 8 *very* nailed down before Ch. 4 went up, because I was back-editing all the way to 4 as I wrote 8. And I didn't want to back-edit live work. But then I hit a like... 9/10ths draft place on 8 and burned through that entire posting cushion *super* fast during the last few days I was finishing 8, because 8 was almost the last thing I finished—I had 9 and 10 almost completely drafted before I finished 8, and that's pretty typical of me, to write sort of medium-out of order. So 9 and 10 went up basically as soon as they were edited, because I didn't have that cushion anymore. But "Firebird" lent itself to WIP posting because it has, you know, like. Plot, and excitement, and some sort of cliffhanger-y bits here and there; "The Marriage Plot" won't be posted as a WIP, because it's very interior and relationship-focused, and it just doesn't lend itself to that treatment. The most I might do on something like that is post it consecutively over a few days just to not have to edit all the HTML on 100k+ of fiction in one go.

How much planning and outlining did you do before you started putting words on paper?

Almost none! Ahahaha. I had a freewritten story outline, but I tend to do all my fiction discovery by writing fiction, so I have to be really willing to try things and toss them out, which is what I do instead of actually outlining. I'm thinking about making a pretty huge change to "The Marriage Plot" right now, actually, and am sketching it out by writing some short stories that happen in the (mostly off-screen) 6-9 months between "Firebird" and "The Marriage Plot," and seeing how things crystallize. So I may be about to toss out like 20k of fiction! I don't know, we'll see!

Has it been pretty smooth sailing or rough waters? When things get rocky, how do you handle needing to rewrite sections or scrap scenes entirely?

Oh, I tooooootally don't mind rewriting. I write really fast but am bad at planning, or well—bad at seeing what it'll take to get the characters to where I need them to be emotionally, so mass rewriting just kind of comes with the territory. I also write in Scrivener, which has a Snapshots feature that makes it much less stressful to hose something—I can always go back and look at a previous version if I want a line or a paragraph or to take it back entirely.

Teaser

"Well, no," Alice says, and then her mouth twists, tightening up. "I sort of—I told them that they couldn't have Quentin, because he was already engaged."

"What?" Quentin says; and Eliot grabs at Quentin's tipping wine glass, just in time.

"Look, I had to tell them something, all right?" Alice snaps at him. "Sorry, but I didn't think you wanted to get married to some conceited isolationist—"

"To who, Alice?" Margo interrupts; and Alice stops again, and then flushes.

"I had—well, the only way I could think of to convince them was the—well, you know, when Eliot got deposed," Alice says.

"We *both* got deposed," says Margo, tight; and Alice says, "Yes, *yes*, you *did*, but then *you* took the throne and now *Eliot's* on your council, so I told them—"

"You told them," Margo finishes, "that to prevent civil war, I offered my most powerful rival my only virgin son in marriage."

"Well," Alice says. "Basically—yes."

There is a long moment of silence.

"Well," Eliot says, finally. "I'm not sure how anyone could've foreseen *that* one going wrong."

The Great Blank Spot is an in-depth spotlight focusing on the writing process and previewing in-progress fics for our fandom. It is meant to be an organic, ever-evolving feature. Previously interviewed fic writers can reach out to us here, to have a specific work featured. If you’d like to have a work featured but haven’t done the author spotlight, reach out to us to get started. If you have suggestions for questions you’d like to see answered, shoot us an ask!

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I hear two Atlanta Police Officers with missing vehicles called the Mayor and apologized to her for thinking of only themselves, admitted they were afraid that if they were in the same situation they would been fired as the other two in the Rayshard Brooks case and they couldn't allow that to happen to,themselves and the community so they wanted to show what would happen if it did because like me they all saw it as a justified homocide, a honorable weapon's discharge.

But after reading what i wrote last night. They fully regrret their decision and would like to have a meeting with her today, the entire 25 that stayed home for 3 days and they will all drive up to see her, in their personal cars of course.

Of course they got her mussing her mascara and all. Weeping she is. Don't mean she's weak. Just means she knows love. And she knows how evil attacks it and makes love so painful.

... ...

I mean I'm real surprised at Atlanta. I never had any problems with them they was always "The Next New Orleans" i called them.

Always just witchy with it. Good and a skip ahead.

So besides my anger at the situation created...

Look. I come straight outta the 90s.

Back then... Man. Our history been lost in 30 years. Our soul soul soul filled history. Its gone. It ain't there.

Back in the 90s we had about a 15 year break. From the protests from Vietnam War. Love not War Protests. We had them nice little 1950s with "Hello Technology: introduction to the TV" ONWARD to the "60s Hippies. Make love not War" taking it right onto the 70s which came back with the Civil Rights

So our 90s. Y'all they were the most beautiful. They were the combo of the 60s and 70s.

The riots and protests being taught to me and we made it big as we could with all the best parts of being a Human Rights Activist with brand new only 1990s fluorescent neon dripped could bring in.

That was all lost. Its all gone.

But the fight. The rights. THE TRUTH we went all 1950s and stayed in and raised our kids right. People wanna say shit about the Millennials. But we spoke truth. We spoke from our heart and we let them find,the truth as safe as possible and form their own opinions based on truth alone.

So now people wanna beat our kids. People i went to high school with they got high school graduates. Mine will be 17 this August. Real honest to God birthday and age.

Those are my babies. Our babies. They are our future. In 50 years they're gonna be like old man Bernie Sanders. 70 years old bent over fighting because we're gonna be near dead at 90 and more.

And people neglect and beat and ...

Man Our kids got it bad enough already. Simply because THEY KNOW THE TRUTH.

And man we got to protect them. Protect their hearts. Their minds. Their souls.

And they getting allllllll this stress. Put on them. Stress that is simply avoided.

By one dancing in the streets.

By 15 officers stating their badge numbers.

By the police owning up to who they are and why they exist.

Don't they want peace? Used to be they were called Peace Keeping Officers.

Now they called Lice Officers. Coming in on Native American Reservations claiming unwashed hair bread bugs. Let me tell you something. My daughter and I got lice a while back.. Like 8 years. The only thing that killed them was coating our hair in oil

Lice breath through holes in their exobody. So the oil makes them suffocate to death and die. Furthermore people whom smoke reject lice more frequently than those that don't. It takes me 3 months longer to get lice than a non smoker.

Peace pipe anyone?

.

So historically police aren't loved. They aren't wanted.

Being a police or military. It becomes a color of our skin. I'll post a tattoo that isn't finished being colored or lined. It's not done. I'll show you we can balance it.

Get out of your comfort zone. Step out of your skin.

We can't stop being black. We can't stop being what drives us to be police.

But we can control it.

"BURN ALL THEIR FUCKING CARS" demanded the international head of the CIA.

"No ma'am. This is what we did" they didn't tell me No before. They just did it. Because they knew it was better. They knew it would cause all 25 of y'all to have to stand up and say "my car is missing. This is how i feel. I do/don't want it back"

Where yall can't pretend what y'all did didn't matter and just get up and go to work the next day. All sneak in and get back to business.

No. You got a fucking problem. You forcing others to take on your load, Zone 5.

Were not walking away and being all its fine what ever. You got a problem. We need to tackle it in a for real state.

Foooorrrrr Reeeaaaalllll state.

You got a problem in your mind? Those become tangible. They aren't floating thoughts. They are what makes us do what we do.

Make it concrete. Take away their cars.

I ain't saying the charges will be dropped. That's all a whole other issue. I don't work in the justice system. Court. Law. I tell you how to win in court. But i ain't about telling some DA how to shove it. I just sue them. When its courts. I fight their game. With paperwork and all that shit. So like i said that's not on me to say the charges will be dropped.

When it's a basketball game you use a ball and circle to drop the ball in.

Use proper tools

Atlanta PD could and should said "alright let's picket the DA. Lets go in uniform. Leave our weapons in the car. Unbutton our shirts. Put red paint on our foreheads to show where they're hurting us. Show them the DA now made us defense less and stripped"

Half hour. 10 minutes. 2 hours. Don't matter. As long as you make that statement.

NYPD did that.

Sure i can ask Tree, tree why ain't you posted that? Taught them?

But why didn't NYPD pull out thier hands and say NBC, FOX. Where's them videos of what we use to do and so we can stop and make this shit right in the streets?

Thata all i did. That's all im doing now. Yeah I'm,the most brilliant and all

But the last since November i been telling y'all "shake them tail feathers"

How is Gary Trump's brother going into human trafficking for 24 years to be found by me. Then murdered by his brother that took his name and lied about who he was? And his brother didn't care. He said "ill go by Gary. It don't matter. Hes worked hard under my name"

How is the ACTUAL Donald Trump not allowed to be in a Black Lives Matter movement? How come no one is shaking their tail feathers to a man killed by the government for greed and white power?

The faux Donald Trump that is our impeached President is a racist.

So why isn't his brother being named? Black Lives Matter.

One person says "Let's Shake Our Tail Feathers".

Dont matter if you believe me. Its the movement. Quite literally.

Its confusing and alive and can make us all sick. It is its own plague. "Shake ya tail feathers" it's a mental plague if you refuse truth.

Regardless how i named it. I still taught it and spoke it. And led y'all to dance it.

Bye bye stress. Bye bye human trafficking.

Bye bye inequality.

Instead it's crazy

It was already planned to be crazy. Burning down buildings calling them Liberty Torches.

Civil Rights . Civil Liberties . take No Justice/Fairness and make it a sight to behold.

Is it fair to me financially to burn down my own economicially profiting legally businesses to make a Park and Garden where you can get fresh and,free vegetables and fruit for life? HELL FUCKING NO.

I got to pay security and taxes and i don't get a single domestic dime in return.

Kids go play on my slides and swings and wear them out having too much dam fun. Then i gotta spend More Money to make sure i am making sure they even get a single second to know what fun is.

I spent my whole life working. Every dam day.

One day I went out and I was 18 years old and i heard laughter. And i didn't know what it was. What made people laugh? How could people even be happy? Or want to laugh?

I was 18 years old. Didn't under stand a human thing.

And it just kept going and going and going. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to do whatever it took. And I didn't know why. Because i got my car keys out and opened my car door the second time that day. This time to make it stop. I put my car key between my fingers. Next thing i knew, I was sitting back down. And starting the car. Obviously my mom knew I was crazy with worry. And lost my mind. Shoved my ass back in the car and said "no you're just gonna leave and leave those innocent people alone"

I was so angry and bitter. And now my life is even worse.

If I couldn't attack them people. No one else can attack innocent people in public.

I don't care how fucked up you are. YOU CAN'T ATTACK SOMEONE FOR THEIR FREEDOMS.

Laughter. Black Lives Matter. Blue lives MATTER. All lives MATTER.

Some ignorant fool was arguing with a store clerk saying how her Black Lives Matter sign offended him

Watch me, #BLM #BLM ONE OF THOSE IS BLACK. ONE OF THOSE IS BLUE. TOGETHER WE ARE BRUISED BLACK AND BLUE.

Why can't y'all see and accept that?

We can't we be one. One truth.

One life to live

I can't live as Cleopatra or anyone of my past lives. I can't even live the life I led in the 90s. I can't even walk

We have one life to live and this is it.

So do we kill each other? Or do we protect each other?

Why aren't we being One?

When you're alone you can think of only you. You realize how important you are. We all need alone time.

When im with you i can only think about how important you are.

There isn't enough room in my brain to say how important we both are at the same time unless we do and think and act the same way all day long. Even for twins and clones its impossible.

So in my brain and in yours. You can only think about how much ONE life matters at a time.

ONLY ONE LIFE IN THIS WORLD MATTERS. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

We. Our. Us. You can't stop a great combination.

Power and love = unified. Unity. United.

Watch me, #BLM #BLM ONE OF THOSE IS BLACK. ONE OF THOSE IS BLUE. TOGETHER WE ARE BRUISED BLACK AND BLUE.

Stop the pain. Hold our hands. Let the love flow. Let the Heart speak until it sings.

So yesterday old Blackfeet and Regina didn't see each other for the DUMBEST thing. She said "oh baby ill move in the nursing home with you"

He says something all "nonsense that's dumb shut up" all Grumpy Bear.

I don't even want to be with you.

So i talked to Michael about their unique situation.

He could had said "I'm well enough to move into a regular home with you. We don't need the nursing home. I moved to (US state) to be with you. To be close to you because you mean more to Me than Anything in the world. And you deserve a big ole castle. Because i love you and we gotta do all this best and right. No nursing home. We got another 50 years plus i wanna be doing you on the kitchen table and not here. All I can smell is stinky old man diapers from the neighbor"

And she could said had he continued the fight "oh idk what I'm saying I've never even seen the nursing home. Do you mind i come visit you there? Id really like that"

It would taken ONE. Only one to stop their ninny war.

And they would been holding each other. With love.

Instead of living in Hell.

So, now what happened was we put it all on old dad. Because hes the Black Beethoven who can suddenly sing a ballad of symphony in the midst of telling some real bad history truth.

Then moments later Regina said "well i could said something different, too".

It takes two to tango.

So I challenge y'all to punch inequality in the face. BLM. there is no difference between.

Black. Blue. Red. Purple. Yellow. Green. All bruises.

Challenge each other. Black and blue.

Force it. There is no difference and it must be seen.

Chant it. Turn on the "Boombox" and dance together. Dance if some won't. But do it in their face.

Laugh. Be happy. In their face.

If they're bitter like an 18 year old me and don't have a Angel Mommy to bust their ass back down into a sitting position. Someone will beat the shit out of them. Someone will stop them and i Will go after them and send you services for legal and medical. Free.

Acknowledge.

You are hurt. I am hurt.

Lets Live. Lets be happy.

Lets try. Trying makes perfect.

"MOVE BACK"

"TAKE THAT FIRST STEP"

"MOVE BACK"

"SEE WE ARE HURT SAME AS YOU" point out the ones that have fear. The ones that try to intimidate. -- The I Can See You -- let them scream in your face youre nothing but a piece of shit. And yell back they're someone inside a police uniform. And you can see it.

Beat their asses like fucking Care Bears.

Teach you a little photography. 1. Dirty lens. Dry skin. 2. Lotions the skin. Hannibal lectur. 3. Cleans the lens. 4 & 5 close up with flash. 6&7 close up without flash.

After meeting some kids in college. Native Americans from tribes near Gallup. Very very. Very Racist.

I began to question my life long believe of how I could live with being a military based person. And being an Native American.

I didn't know. I just knew i could and it wasn't fair to me to destroy the very being of me. Simply because it don't make sense without actual factual historical documents.

Remember Oregon Trail was First. That made Atlas.

Then down the coast to find gold. So NM DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT NO FUCKING TRAIL OF TEARS SO GET OUT MY FACE.

And so my owl... Its every thing. I didn't design it normal. It has wings that are out stretched yes.

But it has a secomd pair of wings. Which are pins from the United States Coast Guard. Those wings are like hands. To do things close by to the body.

Its slightly designed after a Hindu God. She has 6 arms.

Here the wings are keeping the body warm and safe and sound.

How could myself own an owl to represent my secret past of S.Leigh if it can't have hands to represent both my heart and mind?

There figlirliee on the head. That's not for me. Its because I think about you. The mass population of Earth.

I need more simply than what the Earth can provide in the reality of which exists on Earth.

There's an hour glass of water on it's side, traveling... My baby bird is flying with an hour glass.

If you look. You'll see a woman under and between the two shields. And she has "duck lips"

For the real "Not Gary Donald Trump"

Her lips are actually a heart. But they look off..

A rose each sits above the shields. A diamond in the midst of the tail feathers.

No piece

No area.

Is just a feather. A stroke of color.

Each is an item. There's no nothing. It is all something

The military did not just beat us and we took it as Muscogee Creek Nation. We built an Atlas. Recivejed the City of Atlantis -- the Spain sent supplies to help us for years. All the way from Florida.

There was Something. It all wasn't nothing

Or for nothing. Everyone looks for the truth. Looks for the Lost City of Atlantis and i am the one who sunk it. Because I am the Goddess.

The diamond has a purple eye. Diamonds are the hardest and toughest known substance.

Well i know my mind is gonna cut you and rip you apart from what I've seen. So my eyes are like diamonds. My mind

Our tounges are diamonds. We can slash each other apart.

Or we can acknowledge the riches we have.

My Ultimate Challenge is for the police to create a barricade when necessary. No weapons in hand. Hands on the top of their heads and chant BLM Bruises are the same.

We know black bruises hurt the worst, the same level as red.

Then purple. Then blue. Green and yellow rarely do.

So please fight blindness and inequality with me.

And please post it on the national news and international news. So that we know as a world we all fight together

Whether it's in the couches or in the streets.

Thank you for trying.

[adtwixt]

Adtwixt - News: August Diary: Promises I'm Making Myself

Regular news updates from Adtwixt Saturday:  It's late in Shabat, just two hours more to have the full extent of the day of rest.  Today began early.  I stepped out on the porch to feed the pets and looked at the sun rising and sang "Shema".   That I remember the Hebrew after all these years away from synagogue, that these words come easily still at the sight of daybreak, astounds me: Shema, Israel, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai echad. Hear O Israel, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is One... It was a hurry up sort of morning, but the wonder of God was  there on the front porch this morning.  I felt reverent as I went about the rest of my morning preparations. Katie and I went to pick up Taylor.  Over the hills and through the woods and past meadows shining in the golden morning light and alongside fields of freshly mown hay with bales scattered here and there.  Over creeks flowing over rocks and rivers slowly moving along sandy beds.  And everywhere the golden rod standing high, the mallow stems heavy with buds, foxtail grass dancing in the air currents, and trees with autumn hues already tinging the leaves scattered amongst the pines.   My heart ached and swelled as each new sight came into view, singing a song of both joy and grief, as I see the signs of one season passing into another.  I have learned to find something lovely and beautiful in every season of the year rather than claim just one as my favorite.  And so I must grieve the loss of one and rejoice in the other. Bonus of this road trip today was being in near proximity to a well known peach shed which blissfully was packed with traffic, a sure sign they had peaches still.  I passed a little tent with a table laden with little yellow squash and red ripe tomatoes.  My mouth watered.   On our way back to the house, when time was not quite the premium thing it was on the trip up,  I stopped and bought a big basket of peaches. I didn't even ask the price.  I got heavy red ripe tomatoes big enough to fill my hand.  I filled a sack with tender little yellow summer squash.   I didn't care about my financial state just at that moment.  I cared about savoring the remaining days of summer and it's lovely fruitful state. And in the end, it's all part and parcel of the grocery budget which renews on Monday anyway.  I'll borrow now and cut back later. I asked how much longer they might have peaches.  "We hope we can stay open until next weekend."  One week...Just one week more and then we're done with peaches for the next 10 months.  I haven't eaten nearly enough of them.  I've made just one cobbler all summer long.  I promise that next year I shall eat my fill, I shall make cobblers galore, I will.... We came home and I cut up the squash with one of the last Vidalia onions into a frying pan and then added 1/4 cup of water, covered them and let them steam gently.  I made a salad with half a tomato diced finely over it.  "I've not even had a single fresh tomato sandwich..." I said, as I sprinkled those lovely red bits over the green lettuce.  "I promise I shall have at least one this week and next year..." Oh, next year! We had a lovely visit after dinner with Taylor and Katie.  Taylor wanted purple nails "with glitter...which we do NOT eat!"   Sometimes a child does hint at some corrected behavior don't they?  I imagined her with a mouth sparkled with glitter at her nursery school and a sparkling tongue and giggles before the teacher noticed... So I did her nails and then on a whim, I used the glittery polish to coat my own nails.  I'm too old for glitter...but I think it looks magical in the light.   Didn't I promise myself to do my fingernails more often?  Oh! one more promise I really need to keep! Taylor asked about the little cats on the bookshelf.  "One day," I told her, "they shall be yours...because my grandmother gave them to me and I would like to give them to you,  my granddaughter."   Not that Taylor's my only granddaughter, I have four more but somehow I know that Taylor is the one these cats belong to.   It feels odd to be thinking of little legacies such as this, but I told Katie and John, "Listen to me.  Be my witnesses. This is my promise:  these cats will be Taylor's and if I die before I gift them to her, be sure that she gets them...and the little girl with a book will be Hailey's." Taylor crawled into my lap and leaned on my shoulder.  "I love you..."  Oh my heart!  How blessed I am to know the very genuine love of these children of my children.  How very blessed! John took Katie and Taylor home to Katie's a little later.   I sat here in the quiet, with my thoughts whispering all about me.  Tired and happy and mindful of things I want to hold tight to and mindful that none of these endless days of housework, no matter how satisfying the work may be, will be the things I remember most.  It will indeed be the taste of a sun ripened peach grown in Georgia soil, the feel of a little girl's head on my shoulder, the way a good ripe tomato smells and summer squash tastes, and how lovely a meadow is in sunlight of a dewy morning.  It will be those things which I shall remember and it makes keeping these promises to myself imperative. John has stepped out on the 'verandah' as he chooses to call the front porch and the wind is blowing hot and heavy and ringing the old iron chimes.  Ting, ting, ting, ting...Deeper than most windchimes.   I confess I'm more fond of middle and deeper tones than the tinkly sorts of chimes.  These please me. It takes a real wind to stir those bells to life.  In the distance, coming ever nearer, thunder rumbles.   Summer's music...Please Lord, make me mindful of my promises to keep! Sunday:  There are sheets and towels on the line and peach cobbler cooling atop the stove.  Not for us that cobbler but for Taylor's daddy.  The house about me is clean and quiet just now.  Here in a little bit I shall head over to Katie's to visit with them for a little while before Taylor begins her journey home. I sent John off to work this morning and tackled housework right away though I was tired and thought longingly of going back to my bed.  But not today.  Today there are sheets to blow in the sunlight and a house to put to order and a child to spend time loving. I think John is feeling the pull of the seasonal change.  He's asked me to make a turkey pot pie this week and I've promised I shall.   He wants Roast beef hash, too...and he'll have that as well, but it amuses me that he's wanting these comforting cooler weather sorts of foods.  I've told you before that summer salads do pall for us after a bit.   We'll have a few more despite these longings of ours for cozy meals.   A chef salad will be a quick and easy meal after grocery shopping this week...and I find myself suddenly making up menus for the week ahead, something I'd let drop for a bit because I was just flat tired of planning.  However, between leftovers and requests I guess I've got this week pretty much covered...Now let's see how many of these meals I actually get to make.  The roast beef meal we had on Saturday and the enchiladas were thawed on Friday when John had said we'd skip the date then got that second wind in his sails and wanted to go out after all. The roast beef is in the fridge... Everything else is frozen at present or is fresh and ready to prepare. Roast Beef, Summer Squash and Onions, Tossed Salad, Matzoh Cracker Candy Chicken Verde Enchiladas, Yellow Rice and Peach Salsa Roast Beef Hash, Wedge Salads with Thousand Island Dressing on my own  out with Mama Chef's Salad, Homemade Croutons, Peach Cobbler (for us) Turkey Pot Pie, Cranberry Sauce, Pear Salads And there's my menu plan! Speaking of food: one of the frugal articles I read last week dealt with grocery spending.  She cited the USDA government site  where you can see what food costs were for the prior month and how much one following the thrifty or low cost plans might be spending.  And then she suggested that financial advisors suggest 6% of our annual income is what we ought to spend.  As nearly as I recall how to figure percentages our spending should be something like $61 a week for the two of us.  Now  that's only for food.  It does not include pet supplies, paper or cleaning products etc.   It is also a good deal less than the government's food plan figures for a thrifty diet.  According to their figures in June we would have been spending about $84/per week.  I actually think I came in right around there  with a few paper products and one or two pet items tossed in but those would not account for more than $11 so I'm still nowhere near the 6% mark.  It does give me food for thought.  I was so proud of trimming my budget to $300 a month...But could I possibly hit closer to $244?   I'm pretty sure my husband would rebel hard at that but I'm tempted to try it just the same.  And of course, once we do retire, our 6% would also be a good bit less than $244...so I feel I owe it to myself to try and trim things back a bit more.   I'll let you know! Now off I go to unload the dishwasher and finish my bit of housework. Monday:  More tired and weary than I'd thought I'd be today...I didn't plan a day of mostly rest, but there you are.  I realized this morning that I basically did the equivalent of a drive to Kingsland and back with a brief stay to visit...but 8 hours of driving!  I felt it this morning. Thankfully only light housework was needed and dinner was pretty much ready.  I am reheating Chicken Enchiladas and have a salad made.  I'd meant to have peach salsa  with this meal but it's more effort than I want to go to today. John and I have been watching an interesting series of videos where the YouTubers go to visit old graveyards along back roads here in Georgia, some of them which are severely neglected.  I think it's made us both aware of the graveyard back of our house.  It is not on my property but just over the fence line.  Granny and Granddaddy always maintained the graveyard and when my cousin bought the land, so did he.  However, when it fell into my brother's hands it was no longer kept up.  I'd asked to take it on with his permission and he agreed but then he wired all the entrances shut with barbed wire so that I couldn't get into the area.  Now that Sam owns the land, I think I can get to it once more, but ten years of neglect means that it's now snaky and heavily overgrown. It is my hope that we can reclaim the space and maintain it once more but both Sam and John feel the graveyard is just too far gone.  However, come cold weather I shall go there and begin to do what I might.  Another  of my 'small bites' projects.  I feel sure if I start it Sam and John will eventually have pity on me and join in... The graveyard was not a family ground.  It belonged to a huge old Federal house that sat on the hill before ours.  This land was likely part of that original land grant but I haven't yet researched it out to prove that fact.   Still, I do know the people buried near my home were once residents there.  I would like to do my part in preserving a little bit of history, especially since the house burned down 30 odd years ago. Another promise I shall make this week: reclaim the graveyard and give it it's proper care. Tuesday:  We didn't do much of anything at all yesterday.  I was just worn out.  Some days are just so.  John did a load of laundry and hung a few things to dry.  I made meals and kept those simple and easy. Today we played catch up.  Typically we'd drive down on payday to pick up John's check if he's not working  the Tuesday following.  Well he wasn't working today, but we didn't go down yesterday afternoon.  He wanted to cut Sam's grass since Sam's busy with renovations inside the house. John went over yesterday afternoon,  though why he waited until afternoon to do so is beyond me.  It was so terribly hot, with a heat index of 107f.  It's been that way all week long.  It's meant to end here this weekend, though. I lived without AC for years and years.  We had only window units we used occasionally.  The year Sam was born was one year when we used AC all summer long because it was miserably hot from May to September that year.  Real temperatures that year were near 110F.  Between the summer heat and the winter cold we spent much of the year living in just one or two rooms.  That's all we could heat or cool in those years. It was very expensive to run AC in the 1980's and '90s.  When John and I got together and were struggling so we simply could not afford to run the window units though they were brand new.  We ended up compromising.  We turned them on Friday evening when we came in from work and turned them off Sunday night when we went to bed (11pm). It cost us over $300 a month to run it 8 days.   We've never paid that much a month here in the worst of our summers.  We came near it this past autumn when it was freezing and we had to run the emergency heat after our motor went out on the unit.   But all in all, AC is much more affordable than it was 25 years ago and I am so grateful for that! Today we did the payday errands: banking, bills, and groceries.  Not as much work as it sounds  because I have the bills ready to go out days ahead and then I just take them to the mailbox as soon as we do the banking.   John had warned we'd have a shorter check.  We didn't.   It wasn't quite enough to meet all our needs this time around but I'd already planned ahead for that,  so it was easy enough to proceed as planned.  I'll be sure to tell him we're on a no spend from now until next pay period which should see us through this small slump. I did well enough on groceries.  I didn't buy any meat this time around.  I'd looked at chuck roasts but they were very fatty and the one I thought worth purchasing was over $20...Wowza!  I decided I'd just skip it.  I know we've plenty of meat on hand at present. As I put groceries away in the pantry, I suggested to John that we might skip a big grocery shop next pay period and get just dairy and produce as needed.  We have quite a deep pantry at the moment and I saw only two or three items that I wished to stock more heavily, like flour, cereal and coffee.   Again, good sales will  fill those needs. I was thinking this morning that over the years I've found lots of ways to save money. Our mobile phone service is quite reasonable. We pay roughly the same for two phones that we once paid for one landline and one prepaid phone.  At one point our mobile phone company bought out our satellite TV service.  We were able to combine bills and make a small savings.  However, I soon discovered the days of renegotiating our satellite service contract was an exercise in futility with the phone company as boss.  So much for twenty five years of good customer status! Our local phone service internet was abysmal.  It had gotten so that we had no internet service from Friday afternoon at 4pm until Monday morning at 9am.  No we didn't get any discounts for the lack of service.  The company denied there was any problem!  So we moved to a satellite service.  We paid a LOT for that service.  Double what we'd paid for the local service.  However,  it was reliable and we had service we could count on. When our current mobile phone service offered an unlimited data pan  we hopped right on, changed phone plans and got the newly available hot spot.  We dropped internet satellite and saved on new smart phones, buying older models that were heavily discounted, paying cash up front.  That kept our phone bills low.   Smart phones for the same price as a mobile/text service?  Please and thank you! When lightning ran in on our television last August, we bought a Fire TV and in January I finally convinced John to quit satellite.  We dropped the satellite TV service which meant we paid still less out of pocket.  I was already paying for Amazon Prime membership each month, well worth the savings in shipping alone.  We aren't big shoppers, but I guarantee I order something from Amazon every month that is cheaper than I can find it elsewhere and that is covered under the prime free shipping.  We watch pretty much all the television we want to watch with our hot spot.  We did subscribe to Netflix' basic plan.  I am still paying far less for the phone service with unlimited data, Amazon and Netflix than I previously paid for phones, internet and satellite tv services. But for all that some things change, others pretty much stay the same.  We've paid basically the same amount for gasoline each month for the past 20 years.  Some years we drive more and some we drive less.  Our average is always right around the same amount each month for costs though. Groceries is another area that remained fairly stable for a long number of years.  I stopped buying certain items and made more from scratch and yet it's only been in these past two years I've begun to see a significant savings in the grocery spending.   I might add that during this two year period of time I've fed more people and spent less, while previously we spent a good deal more and fed only two.   Now that we're basically feeding just the two of us once more, I've watched my budget amount drop to what is an all time low for us.   Still...I could perhaps save more and I am working on it! Being frugal is never a stagnant and finite thing.  As time goes on, some of those ways I saved are no longer valid.  Eating habits change, income changes, products and promotions leave the market or come on the market. Our needs change.  What is needed in this stage of life is not the same as what was needed previously and won't be the same in five years.  For every new thing that comes along there are new ways to save and manage. Being frugal has never been boring!  And for me, that's what keeps it fun. Thursday:  I had every intent of sharing with you all yesterday but by the time I was done with Mama, I was really and most sincerely done in every sense of the word.  Once Bess and the boys left (and what good medicine they were!), I hadn't even the energy to eat.  I drank a V8 and showered and went off to bed with a book on prayer and fell asleep and slept the bulk of all night long.  Wailing and gnashing of teeth might have occurred in moderation in between that V8 and the shower but it was in extreme moderation. Today is better.   Today I am mindful of my many blessings and mindful of my own ways and words.  As well I ought to be.  Difficult relationships sometimes never cease to be difficult.  But more on that another day and time, perhaps. This morning I greeted John with a proper big breakfast.  Funny thing, we are eating less these days.  I suppose it's partly due to the heat and partly due to the fact that so much of what we choose to eat is just good fresh foods and they fill us amply even when eaten in moderation.  Our 'big' breakfast consisted of Fried egg, grits, toast and turkey sausage.   It is a big breakfast but certainly not one of those mammoth restaurant 'big' sorts of breakfasts. After breakfast I started a loaf of bread.  I'd really meant to get one going yesterday morning when John left as I was sure it would be done by the time I was ready to leave for Mama's, but time slipped away from me as I got all out of routine and did things in far different time frames than usual...which all worked  lovely as I was practically dressed and fully made up by the time Bess and Isaac stopped in to start their laundry.  Quick prayers, everyone, that work on their utility room goes through this weekend and their washer and dryer are up and running once more.  It's hard work lugging loads and loads of clothes from there to here and back again... Mama, as I expected, wanted to go to the big peach packing shed just 20 minutes north of me.  It is a good hour or so from her house...But go we did and I bought a half peck of peaches.  For one thing I meant to share with Bess, and I did.   I will put some in the freezer.  And I want to savor the last of this seasonal fruit because I do love peaches! For some reason the morning flew past.  Quicker than usual.  I'm not real sure why.   Well I do too know why.  John and I had a lot to talk over this morning and to think about and come back to talk over one more time.  I was still finishing up Bible study while our dinner cooked today.  It was one of those lovely Bible study sessions in which each passage of scripture I read today was pertinent to my own thoughts about matters that we'd discussed.   Friday:  The end of another week...They do fly by these days, don't they?   John and I have a lot to consider these days.  There's a possibility that our plans for retirement will be pushed forward from next June to end of this year.  All my plans to save money and stash away all I might as far as non-perishable things will be more modest than I'd been shooting for.  I'm not worried, but it is a little disconcerting.   Still, nothing is yet set in stone and we are at the point where now is as good as later and we'll trust God's timing.  In the end, we must always let go of our plans and rely on Him anyway, as I've discovered more than once. My house is very nearly Shabat ready.   We've no plans for this weekend aside from going to church.  I will have turkey pot pie for tomorrow's dinner which I'll do my best to prep ahead.  I'm debating dessert options.  On the one hand, I think gelatin or pudding would be a nice counter to the hot pot pie, don't you?   I'd love to make a lemon meringue pie but not sure I really want to go to that much work this afternoon when the kitchen is pretty much cleaned for the weekend.  I'll have to think on this.   I  have a Chef Salad for our main meal today.   It was on my menu plan and I find between cheese, a few slivers of turkey and some hard boiled egg we've plenty of protein and fat to satisfy us all afternoon long.  And there's a lovely bit of leftover peach cobbler, though I did make a smaller one yesterday.    And that is my week, full of the expected, and the unexpected, full of the lovely and the difficult, full of promises to keep.   Frugal things: The true economy of housekeeping is simply the art of gathering up all the fragments, so nothing be lost  I mean fragments of time as well as materials...every member of a household should be employed either in earning or saving money. The American Frugal Housewife ~ Lydia Maria Francis Child It's quite hot and the AC is pretty much running non-stop until 10 pm every night and then coming on periodically all through the night and early mornings.  I turned the AC up to 78, not my favorite point as it tends to feel a bit more stuffy, but it at least is one way to save.  I've noted the AC cuts off earlier and stays off a wee bit longer. (This should end as of Tuesday evening this week...Milder temperatures are coming our way.  Hooray!) I'm also being very mindful of running water unnecessarily at present.   This is finally getting to be more and more a habit with me as I have always tended to be the sort who let the water run and run as I rinsed dishes for the dishwasher or brushed my teeth or washed my face.  However, electricity is money and so I am doing my best to be mindful that the pump must run if I must run water. Happily, all the heat keeps generating pop up rain showers so watering plants is not a chore I must attend to.  As for porch and house plants, it's easy enough to 'save' water from bits left in bottles or glasses or that is running while it's cold and I'm needing hot to catch up and use for those.  And if I'm quick, I can often pop a porch planter under the run off from the roof and water plants with rain water. I may be just longing to shop but I know my current season isn't going to be any less tight if I run up a credit card bill, so I'm deleting tempting emails full of sales and waiting a few days before even considering those few purchases that make it into a cart.  So far, nothing has made it from the cart to 'order' because I either forget it or I discover something I can use that I already have or I just make up my mind to go without. I ordered a new phone case and accessory ring  from eBay.  I bought the last case two years ago and it's falling apart.  I tried to remove the ring from the old case but it's a no go.  I even went to  YouTube and I discovered that they don't re-stick once removed.  The new ring  was pennies on the dollar  on eBay for the exact same one I bought for bigger bucks at the phone store last year.  I literally saved enough on the ring to cover the cost of the new case and keep change in my pocket.   In case you're wondering what a phone ring is, it's a ring that you stick to the back of your phone or phone case and  can slide a finger through and  allows you to hold the phone without dropping it.  Dropping my phone is an issue for me, so the ring isn't a vanity thing, it's purely a necessity.  Ditto for the phone case.  I get the shock absorbing sort of case.  Both items will be paid from my allowance. Sunday morning I did a full load of dishes right away after John left for work and then I ran a full load of laundry (sheets and towels).  Everything air dried. John and I combined errands when we went out to shop for groceries. I checked with John about how he liked the bread machine bread I've been making.  He thinks it's great...and so I suggested I make a couple loaves a week, and we supplement with the occasional loaf that we'll keep in the freezer.   Once at the store I decided to buy smaller sized loaves.  Same number of slices per loaf but just a smaller piece of bread overall.  The smaller sized loafs were about $1 cheaper.  With the homemade machine bread we've been eating  half slices. I've given in to buying cookies for John this summer.  It's not worth heating up the kitchen for any period of time to make them...but I told him as soon as it starts to cool off I mean to make more homemade cookies and forgo the bought ones until the Spekulaas cookies are in market once more.  In the meantime, Tammy has inspired me to make a batch of those yummy stovetop chocolate oatmeal cookies.  I'd forgotten those as an oven free option.  John loves those cookies. No meat purchased today, but only because I thought better of it when I priced the nicest chuck roast in the counter.  I had a fair idea of how much meat I had in the freezer at home (not to mention how much is in the fridge at present) and I felt we could by pass that purchase.  I'll watch for good sales on meat in the next few weeks and try to stock up then. I suggested to John it would be worthwhile to return to purchasing chicken breasts and ground beef on special at the organic market we used to visit.  I've noted that the price at the organic market is nearly $2/pound less so it's well worth driving there for the savings. Made a loaf of bread, a small peach cobbler and used up leftover roast beef and gravy to make hash. John hung most of a load of clothes to dry. I washed a full load of dishes in the dishwasher. I've downloaded a few free books for my Kindle.  Most are Christian non-fiction but one was a children's book (never know when that might come in handy!) and Mansfield Park by Jane Austen was free the other day.  I am not going nuts adding books.  I am trying to be thoughtful about what I might truly read and most will be deleted once I'm done but in time I will add books I really want to buy that are cheaper via Kindle and won't take up space on my filled bookcases...Not to say I am done buying hard cover books.  Some friends just deserve a full time home where I can hold them and love them as I read! I've started a 'stock up list'.   So far I've got tissues (for cold and flu season) and cold medicine (ditto from previous), pineapple juice (same), matches, toilet paper, flour, coffee (regular and decaf) and boxed cereal.   I may add more as time goes on but these are items I am very well aware we're very low or empty on.  Oh and candles!  We use them for our Shabats and typically two candles last us a couple or three months but they are awfully handy when power goes out as well so I like to stock up. I've started adding tissues and paper towels to our compost.  And this morning, I decided it was worth while to shred our weekly newspapers as well.  I've been adding shredded mail for quite a while but these are extra items I know I can compost.  I plan to 'grow my compost' so to speak, as I get more and more serious about my need for flowers and perhaps a few vegetables here and there. Meals: So I made my plans...how did that go?   Here's what we really ate this week Roast Beef, Squash, Tossed Salad McDonalds with Katie and Taylor Chicken Verde Enchiladas, Green Salad with Tomatoes and Green Onions Chicken Salad Sandwiches with fresh fruit (take out) Chicken Livers and Fries with Mama Roast Beef Hash, Sliced Tomato Salad with Basil, Peach Cobbler Chef's Salad, Oyster Crackers (something we often sub for croutons), Peach Cobbler (C) Terri Cheney For more information please click here

Adtwixt - News source https://adtwixt.com/blogs/news/august-diary-promises-im-making-myself

[agilenano]

Agilenano - News: August Diary: Promises I'm Making Myself

Saturday:  It's late in Shabat, just two hours more to have the full extent of the day of rest.  Today began early.  I stepped out on the porch to feed the pets and looked at the sun rising and sang "Shema".   That I remember the Hebrew after all these years away from synagogue, that these words come easily still at the sight of daybreak, astounds me: Shema, Israel, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai echad. Hear O Israel, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is One... It was a hurry up sort of morning, but the wonder of God was  there on the front porch this morning.  I felt reverent as I went about the rest of my morning preparations. Katie and I went to pick up Taylor.  Over the hills and through the woods and past meadows shining in the golden morning light and alongside fields of freshly mown hay with bales scattered here and there.  Over creeks flowing over rocks and rivers slowly moving along sandy beds.  And everywhere the golden rod standing high, the mallow stems heavy with buds, foxtail grass dancing in the air currents, and trees with autumn hues already tinging the leaves scattered amongst the pines.   My heart ached and swelled as each new sight came into view, singing a song of both joy and grief, as I see the signs of one season passing into another.  I have learned to find something lovely and beautiful in every season of the year rather than claim just one as my favorite.  And so I must grieve the loss of one and rejoice in the other. Bonus of this road trip today was being in near proximity to a well known peach shed which blissfully was packed with traffic, a sure sign they had peaches still.  I passed a little tent with a table laden with little yellow squash and red ripe tomatoes.  My mouth watered.   On our way back to the house, when time was not quite the premium thing it was on the trip up,  I stopped and bought a big basket of peaches. I didn't even ask the price.  I got heavy red ripe tomatoes big enough to fill my hand.  I filled a sack with tender little yellow summer squash.   I didn't care about my financial state just at that moment.  I cared about savoring the remaining days of summer and it's lovely fruitful state. And in the end, it's all part and parcel of the grocery budget which renews on Monday anyway.  I'll borrow now and cut back later. I asked how much longer they might have peaches.  "We hope we can stay open until next weekend."  One week...Just one week more and then we're done with peaches for the next 10 months.  I haven't eaten nearly enough of them.  I've made just one cobbler all summer long.  I promise that next year I shall eat my fill, I shall make cobblers galore, I will.... We came home and I cut up the squash with one of the last Vidalia onions into a frying pan and then added 1/4 cup of water, covered them and let them steam gently.  I made a salad with half a tomato diced finely over it.  "I've not even had a single fresh tomato sandwich..." I said, as I sprinkled those lovely red bits over the green lettuce.  "I promise I shall have at least one this week and next year..." Oh, next year! We had a lovely visit after dinner with Taylor and Katie.  Taylor wanted purple nails "with glitter...which we do NOT eat!"   Sometimes a child does hint at some corrected behavior don't they?  I imagined her with a mouth sparkled with glitter at her nursery school and a sparkling tongue and giggles before the teacher noticed... So I did her nails and then on a whim, I used the glittery polish to coat my own nails.  I'm too old for glitter...but I think it looks magical in the light.   Didn't I promise myself to do my fingernails more often?  Oh! one more promise I really need to keep! Taylor asked about the little cats on the bookshelf.  "One day," I told her, "they shall be yours...because my grandmother gave them to me and I would like to give them to you,  my granddaughter."   Not that Taylor's my only granddaughter, I have four more but somehow I know that Taylor is the one these cats belong to.   It feels odd to be thinking of little legacies such as this, but I told Katie and John, "Listen to me.  Be my witnesses. This is my promise:  these cats will be Taylor's and if I die before I gift them to her, be sure that she gets them...and the little girl with a book will be Hailey's." Taylor crawled into my lap and leaned on my shoulder.  "I love you..."  Oh my heart!  How blessed I am to know the very genuine love of these children of my children.  How very blessed! John took Katie and Taylor home to Katie's a little later.   I sat here in the quiet, with my thoughts whispering all about me.  Tired and happy and mindful of things I want to hold tight to and mindful that none of these endless days of housework, no matter how satisfying the work may be, will be the things I remember most.  It will indeed be the taste of a sun ripened peach grown in Georgia soil, the feel of a little girl's head on my shoulder, the way a good ripe tomato smells and summer squash tastes, and how lovely a meadow is in sunlight of a dewy morning.  It will be those things which I shall remember and it makes keeping these promises to myself imperative. John has stepped out on the 'verandah' as he chooses to call the front porch and the wind is blowing hot and heavy and ringing the old iron chimes.  Ting, ting, ting, ting...Deeper than most windchimes.   I confess I'm more fond of middle and deeper tones than the tinkly sorts of chimes.  These please me. It takes a real wind to stir those bells to life.  In the distance, coming ever nearer, thunder rumbles.   Summer's music...Please Lord, make me mindful of my promises to keep! Sunday:  There are sheets and towels on the line and peach cobbler cooling atop the stove.  Not for us that cobbler but for Taylor's daddy.  The house about me is clean and quiet just now.  Here in a little bit I shall head over to Katie's to visit with them for a little while before Taylor begins her journey home. I sent John off to work this morning and tackled housework right away though I was tired and thought longingly of going back to my bed.  But not today.  Today there are sheets to blow in the sunlight and a house to put to order and a child to spend time loving. I think John is feeling the pull of the seasonal change.  He's asked me to make a turkey pot pie this week and I've promised I shall.   He wants Roast beef hash, too...and he'll have that as well, but it amuses me that he's wanting these comforting cooler weather sorts of foods.  I've told you before that summer salads do pall for us after a bit.   We'll have a few more despite these longings of ours for cozy meals.   A chef salad will be a quick and easy meal after grocery shopping this week...and I find myself suddenly making up menus for the week ahead, something I'd let drop for a bit because I was just flat tired of planning.  However, between leftovers and requests I guess I've got this week pretty much covered...Now let's see how many of these meals I actually get to make.  The roast beef meal we had on Saturday and the enchiladas were thawed on Friday when John had said we'd skip the date then got that second wind in his sails and wanted to go out after all. The roast beef is in the fridge... Everything else is frozen at present or is fresh and ready to prepare. Roast Beef, Summer Squash and Onions, Tossed Salad, Matzoh Cracker Candy Chicken Verde Enchiladas, Yellow Rice and Peach Salsa Roast Beef Hash, Wedge Salads with Thousand Island Dressing on my own  out with Mama Chef's Salad, Homemade Croutons, Peach Cobbler (for us) Turkey Pot Pie, Cranberry Sauce, Pear Salads And there's my menu plan! Speaking of food: one of the frugal articles I read last week dealt with grocery spending.  She cited the USDA government site  where you can see what food costs were for the prior month and how much one following the thrifty or low cost plans might be spending.  And then she suggested that financial advisors suggest 6% of our annual income is what we ought to spend.  As nearly as I recall how to figure percentages our spending should be something like $61 a week for the two of us.  Now  that's only for food.  It does not include pet supplies, paper or cleaning products etc.   It is also a good deal less than the government's food plan figures for a thrifty diet.  According to their figures in June we would have been spending about $84/per week.  I actually think I came in right around there  with a few paper products and one or two pet items tossed in but those would not account for more than $11 so I'm still nowhere near the 6% mark.  It does give me food for thought.  I was so proud of trimming my budget to $300 a month...But could I possibly hit closer to $244?   I'm pretty sure my husband would rebel hard at that but I'm tempted to try it just the same.  And of course, once we do retire, our 6% would also be a good bit less than $244...so I feel I owe it to myself to try and trim things back a bit more.   I'll let you know! Now off I go to unload the dishwasher and finish my bit of housework. Monday:  More tired and weary than I'd thought I'd be today...I didn't plan a day of mostly rest, but there you are.  I realized this morning that I basically did the equivalent of a drive to Kingsland and back with a brief stay to visit...but 8 hours of driving!  I felt it this morning. Thankfully only light housework was needed and dinner was pretty much ready.  I am reheating Chicken Enchiladas and have a salad made.  I'd meant to have peach salsa  with this meal but it's more effort than I want to go to today. John and I have been watching an interesting series of videos where the YouTubers go to visit old graveyards along back roads here in Georgia, some of them which are severely neglected.  I think it's made us both aware of the graveyard back of our house.  It is not on my property but just over the fence line.  Granny and Granddaddy always maintained the graveyard and when my cousin bought the land, so did he.  However, when it fell into my brother's hands it was no longer kept up.  I'd asked to take it on with his permission and he agreed but then he wired all the entrances shut with barbed wire so that I couldn't get into the area.  Now that Sam owns the land, I think I can get to it once more, but ten years of neglect means that it's now snaky and heavily overgrown. It is my hope that we can reclaim the space and maintain it once more but both Sam and John feel the graveyard is just too far gone.  However, come cold weather I shall go there and begin to do what I might.  Another  of my 'small bites' projects.  I feel sure if I start it Sam and John will eventually have pity on me and join in... The graveyard was not a family ground.  It belonged to a huge old Federal house that sat on the hill before ours.  This land was likely part of that original land grant but I haven't yet researched it out to prove that fact.   Still, I do know the people buried near my home were once residents there.  I would like to do my part in preserving a little bit of history, especially since the house burned down 30 odd years ago. Another promise I shall make this week: reclaim the graveyard and give it it's proper care. Tuesday:  We didn't do much of anything at all yesterday.  I was just worn out.  Some days are just so.  John did a load of laundry and hung a few things to dry.  I made meals and kept those simple and easy. Today we played catch up.  Typically we'd drive down on payday to pick up John's check if he's not working  the Tuesday following.  Well he wasn't working today, but we didn't go down yesterday afternoon.  He wanted to cut Sam's grass since Sam's busy with renovations inside the house. John went over yesterday afternoon,  though why he waited until afternoon to do so is beyond me.  It was so terribly hot, with a heat index of 107f.  It's been that way all week long.  It's meant to end here this weekend, though. I lived without AC for years and years.  We had only window units we used occasionally.  The year Sam was born was one year when we used AC all summer long because it was miserably hot from May to September that year.  Real temperatures that year were near 110F.  Between the summer heat and the winter cold we spent much of the year living in just one or two rooms.  That's all we could heat or cool in those years. It was very expensive to run AC in the 1980's and '90s.  When John and I got together and were struggling so we simply could not afford to run the window units though they were brand new.  We ended up compromising.  We turned them on Friday evening when we came in from work and turned them off Sunday night when we went to bed (11pm). It cost us over $300 a month to run it 8 days.   We've never paid that much a month here in the worst of our summers.  We came near it this past autumn when it was freezing and we had to run the emergency heat after our motor went out on the unit.   But all in all, AC is much more affordable than it was 25 years ago and I am so grateful for that! Today we did the payday errands: banking, bills, and groceries.  Not as much work as it sounds  because I have the bills ready to go out days ahead and then I just take them to the mailbox as soon as we do the banking.   John had warned we'd have a shorter check.  We didn't.   It wasn't quite enough to meet all our needs this time around but I'd already planned ahead for that,  so it was easy enough to proceed as planned.  I'll be sure to tell him we're on a no spend from now until next pay period which should see us through this small slump. I did well enough on groceries.  I didn't buy any meat this time around.  I'd looked at chuck roasts but they were very fatty and the one I thought worth purchasing was over $20...Wowza!  I decided I'd just skip it.  I know we've plenty of meat on hand at present. As I put groceries away in the pantry, I suggested to John that we might skip a big grocery shop next pay period and get just dairy and produce as needed.  We have quite a deep pantry at the moment and I saw only two or three items that I wished to stock more heavily, like flour, cereal and coffee.   Again, good sales will  fill those needs. I was thinking this morning that over the years I've found lots of ways to save money. Our mobile phone service is quite reasonable. We pay roughly the same for two phones that we once paid for one landline and one prepaid phone.  At one point our mobile phone company bought out our satellite TV service.  We were able to combine bills and make a small savings.  However, I soon discovered the days of renegotiating our satellite service contract was an exercise in futility with the phone company as boss.  So much for twenty five years of good customer status! Our local phone service internet was abysmal.  It had gotten so that we had no internet service from Friday afternoon at 4pm until Monday morning at 9am.  No we didn't get any discounts for the lack of service.  The company denied there was any problem!  So we moved to a satellite service.  We paid a LOT for that service.  Double what we'd paid for the local service.  However,  it was reliable and we had service we could count on. When our current mobile phone service offered an unlimited data pan  we hopped right on, changed phone plans and got the newly available hot spot.  We dropped internet satellite and saved on new smart phones, buying older models that were heavily discounted, paying cash up front.  That kept our phone bills low.   Smart phones for the same price as a mobile/text service?  Please and thank you! When lightning ran in on our television last August, we bought a Fire TV and in January I finally convinced John to quit satellite.  We dropped the satellite TV service which meant we paid still less out of pocket.  I was already paying for Amazon Prime membership each month, well worth the savings in shipping alone.  We aren't big shoppers, but I guarantee I order something from Amazon every month that is cheaper than I can find it elsewhere and that is covered under the prime free shipping.  We watch pretty much all the television we want to watch with our hot spot.  We did subscribe to Netflix' basic plan.  I am still paying far less for the phone service with unlimited data, Amazon and Netflix than I previously paid for phones, internet and satellite tv services. But for all that some things change, others pretty much stay the same.  We've paid basically the same amount for gasoline each month for the past 20 years.  Some years we drive more and some we drive less.  Our average is always right around the same amount each month for costs though. Groceries is another area that remained fairly stable for a long number of years.  I stopped buying certain items and made more from scratch and yet it's only been in these past two years I've begun to see a significant savings in the grocery spending.   I might add that during this two year period of time I've fed more people and spent less, while previously we spent a good deal more and fed only two.   Now that we're basically feeding just the two of us once more, I've watched my budget amount drop to what is an all time low for us.   Still...I could perhaps save more and I am working on it! Being frugal is never a stagnant and finite thing.  As time goes on, some of those ways I saved are no longer valid.  Eating habits change, income changes, products and promotions leave the market or come on the market. Our needs change.  What is needed in this stage of life is not the same as what was needed previously and won't be the same in five years.  For every new thing that comes along there are new ways to save and manage. Being frugal has never been boring!  And for me, that's what keeps it fun. Thursday:  I had every intent of sharing with you all yesterday but by the time I was done with Mama, I was really and most sincerely done in every sense of the word.  Once Bess and the boys left (and what good medicine they were!), I hadn't even the energy to eat.  I drank a V8 and showered and went off to bed with a book on prayer and fell asleep and slept the bulk of all night long.  Wailing and gnashing of teeth might have occurred in moderation in between that V8 and the shower but it was in extreme moderation. Today is better.   Today I am mindful of my many blessings and mindful of my own ways and words.  As well I ought to be.  Difficult relationships sometimes never cease to be difficult.  But more on that another day and time, perhaps. This morning I greeted John with a proper big breakfast.  Funny thing, we are eating less these days.  I suppose it's partly due to the heat and partly due to the fact that so much of what we choose to eat is just good fresh foods and they fill us amply even when eaten in moderation.  Our 'big' breakfast consisted of Fried egg, grits, toast and turkey sausage.   It is a big breakfast but certainly not one of those mammoth restaurant 'big' sorts of breakfasts. After breakfast I started a loaf of bread.  I'd really meant to get one going yesterday morning when John left as I was sure it would be done by the time I was ready to leave for Mama's, but time slipped away from me as I got all out of routine and did things in far different time frames than usual...which all worked  lovely as I was practically dressed and fully made up by the time Bess and Isaac stopped in to start their laundry.  Quick prayers, everyone, that work on their utility room goes through this weekend and their washer and dryer are up and running once more.  It's hard work lugging loads and loads of clothes from there to here and back again... Mama, as I expected, wanted to go to the big peach packing shed just 20 minutes north of me.  It is a good hour or so from her house...But go we did and I bought a half peck of peaches.  For one thing I meant to share with Bess, and I did.   I will put some in the freezer.  And I want to savor the last of this seasonal fruit because I do love peaches! For some reason the morning flew past.  Quicker than usual.  I'm not real sure why.   Well I do too know why.  John and I had a lot to talk over this morning and to think about and come back to talk over one more time.  I was still finishing up Bible study while our dinner cooked today.  It was one of those lovely Bible study sessions in which each passage of scripture I read today was pertinent to my own thoughts about matters that we'd discussed.   Friday:  The end of another week...They do fly by these days, don't they?   John and I have a lot to consider these days.  There's a possibility that our plans for retirement will be pushed forward from next June to end of this year.  All my plans to save money and stash away all I might as far as non-perishable things will be more modest than I'd been shooting for.  I'm not worried, but it is a little disconcerting.   Still, nothing is yet set in stone and we are at the point where now is as good as later and we'll trust God's timing.  In the end, we must always let go of our plans and rely on Him anyway, as I've discovered more than once. My house is very nearly Shabat ready.   We've no plans for this weekend aside from going to church.  I will have turkey pot pie for tomorrow's dinner which I'll do my best to prep ahead.  I'm debating dessert options.  On the one hand, I think gelatin or pudding would be a nice counter to the hot pot pie, don't you?   I'd love to make a lemon meringue pie but not sure I really want to go to that much work this afternoon when the kitchen is pretty much cleaned for the weekend.  I'll have to think on this.   I  have a Chef Salad for our main meal today.   It was on my menu plan and I find between cheese, a few slivers of turkey and some hard boiled egg we've plenty of protein and fat to satisfy us all afternoon long.  And there's a lovely bit of leftover peach cobbler, though I did make a smaller one yesterday.    And that is my week, full of the expected, and the unexpected, full of the lovely and the difficult, full of promises to keep.   Frugal things: The true economy of housekeeping is simply the art of gathering up all the fragments, so nothing be lost  I mean fragments of time as well as materials...every member of a household should be employed either in earning or saving money. The American Frugal Housewife ~ Lydia Maria Francis Child It's quite hot and the AC is pretty much running non-stop until 10 pm every night and then coming on periodically all through the night and early mornings.  I turned the AC up to 78, not my favorite point as it tends to feel a bit more stuffy, but it at least is one way to save.  I've noted the AC cuts off earlier and stays off a wee bit longer. (This should end as of Tuesday evening this week...Milder temperatures are coming our way.  Hooray!) I'm also being very mindful of running water unnecessarily at present.   This is finally getting to be more and more a habit with me as I have always tended to be the sort who let the water run and run as I rinsed dishes for the dishwasher or brushed my teeth or washed my face.  However, electricity is money and so I am doing my best to be mindful that the pump must run if I must run water. Happily, all the heat keeps generating pop up rain showers so watering plants is not a chore I must attend to.  As for porch and house plants, it's easy enough to 'save' water from bits left in bottles or glasses or that is running while it's cold and I'm needing hot to catch up and use for those.  And if I'm quick, I can often pop a porch planter under the run off from the roof and water plants with rain water. I may be just longing to shop but I know my current season isn't going to be any less tight if I run up a credit card bill, so I'm deleting tempting emails full of sales and waiting a few days before even considering those few purchases that make it into a cart.  So far, nothing has made it from the cart to 'order' because I either forget it or I discover something I can use that I already have or I just make up my mind to go without. I ordered a new phone case and accessory ring  from eBay.  I bought the last case two years ago and it's falling apart.  I tried to remove the ring from the old case but it's a no go.  I even went to  YouTube and I discovered that they don't re-stick once removed.  The new ring  was pennies on the dollar  on eBay for the exact same one I bought for bigger bucks at the phone store last year.  I literally saved enough on the ring to cover the cost of the new case and keep change in my pocket.   In case you're wondering what a phone ring is, it's a ring that you stick to the back of your phone or phone case and  can slide a finger through and  allows you to hold the phone without dropping it.  Dropping my phone is an issue for me, so the ring isn't a vanity thing, it's purely a necessity.  Ditto for the phone case.  I get the shock absorbing sort of case.  Both items will be paid from my allowance. Sunday morning I did a full load of dishes right away after John left for work and then I ran a full load of laundry (sheets and towels).  Everything air dried. John and I combined errands when we went out to shop for groceries. I checked with John about how he liked the bread machine bread I've been making.  He thinks it's great...and so I suggested I make a couple loaves a week, and we supplement with the occasional loaf that we'll keep in the freezer.   Once at the store I decided to buy smaller sized loaves.  Same number of slices per loaf but just a smaller piece of bread overall.  The smaller sized loafs were about $1 cheaper.  With the homemade machine bread we've been eating  half slices. I've given in to buying cookies for John this summer.  It's not worth heating up the kitchen for any period of time to make them...but I told him as soon as it starts to cool off I mean to make more homemade cookies and forgo the bought ones until the Spekulaas cookies are in market once more.  In the meantime, Tammy has inspired me to make a batch of those yummy stovetop chocolate oatmeal cookies.  I'd forgotten those as an oven free option.  John loves those cookies. No meat purchased today, but only because I thought better of it when I priced the nicest chuck roast in the counter.  I had a fair idea of how much meat I had in the freezer at home (not to mention how much is in the fridge at present) and I felt we could by pass that purchase.  I'll watch for good sales on meat in the next few weeks and try to stock up then. I suggested to John it would be worthwhile to return to purchasing chicken breasts and ground beef on special at the organic market we used to visit.  I've noted that the price at the organic market is nearly $2/pound less so it's well worth driving there for the savings. Made a loaf of bread, a small peach cobbler and used up leftover roast beef and gravy to make hash. John hung most of a load of clothes to dry. I washed a full load of dishes in the dishwasher. I've downloaded a few free books for my Kindle.  Most are Christian non-fiction but one was a children's book (never know when that might come in handy!) and Mansfield Park by Jane Austen was free the other day.  I am not going nuts adding books.  I am trying to be thoughtful about what I might truly read and most will be deleted once I'm done but in time I will add books I really want to buy that are cheaper via Kindle and won't take up space on my filled bookcases...Not to say I am done buying hard cover books.  Some friends just deserve a full time home where I can hold them and love them as I read! I've started a 'stock up list'.   So far I've got tissues (for cold and flu season) and cold medicine (ditto from previous), pineapple juice (same), matches, toilet paper, flour, coffee (regular and decaf) and boxed cereal.   I may add more as time goes on but these are items I am very well aware we're very low or empty on.  Oh and candles!  We use them for our Shabats and typically two candles last us a couple or three months but they are awfully handy when power goes out as well so I like to stock up. I've started adding tissues and paper towels to our compost.  And this morning, I decided it was worth while to shred our weekly newspapers as well.  I've been adding shredded mail for quite a while but these are extra items I know I can compost.  I plan to 'grow my compost' so to speak, as I get more and more serious about my need for flowers and perhaps a few vegetables here and there. Meals: So I made my plans...how did that go?   Here's what we really ate this week Roast Beef, Squash, Tossed Salad McDonalds with Katie and Taylor Chicken Verde Enchiladas, Green Salad with Tomatoes and Green Onions Chicken Salad Sandwiches with fresh fruit (take out) Chicken Livers and Fries with Mama Roast Beef Hash, Sliced Tomato Salad with Basil, Peach Cobbler Chef's Salad, Oyster Crackers (something we often sub for croutons), Peach Cobbler (C) Terri Cheney

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