#it's good to finally say what i've wanted to say to all those people who've hurt me out in the open

[cinnamon-phrog]

Saw you like one of my posts, glad you're still here even if it's just another day. Had me scared shitless worried

I had a lot I wanted to say but my laptop froze and reset again. And for the past few days I've had an awful headache and it's only now began to subside.

I've been coming on to try to reply to my friends because a staff member at my housing told me it's best I do so the sooner the better and I didn't want to worry people even though I already have, a lot.

I feel much safer now, although due to my situation and the staff at my housing not being able to leave the house, and my 'outreach support' worker being weird with what days she's free she'll ask me what day I personally want before tsking when I say for example Monday and say 'ooooooh I can't do Monday. How about all the way to Thursday' like girl you ASKED come ON.]

I've been feeling really tired despite getting eight or nine hours sleep and staying in all week. But I'm slowly getting less so the further I try to stop feeling so awful.

In my original version of this reply I wrote about everyone who hurt me. Without naming names. Because ever since I took matters into my own hands and found the courage to tell my old school and social worker what my foster carer was doing to me I've had this rage.

This feeling that these people have stolen something from me and I want to get it back by telling people what they've all done. And I'll finally get all those petty thoughts out because they've been stewing in me and I can only let them go if I write them down. I'll get embarrassed later but that's the point. If I cringe I move on. If people agree with me I feel closure. If people read it it I'll feel seen. Advice on how to move on is welcomed but not obligatory.

In getting removed from my foster carer who told me there was no way I could cross a street without holding her hand or being near her or ever have my own autonomy to going to places I want to go to on my own and living my own life almost as I want a piece of me I didn't know was taken has been given back.

But I can't get back at my school bullies. The 'friends' in school who ignored me and belittled me for their own gratification. I can't make the boys and girls who groped me simply ungrope me. Neither do I want them to experience what they did to me out of karma because it's a sick thought.

The proshit who thinks I give a shit can never take back what they said or undraw all the things they've drawn. For pretending to be my friend and giving me advice and telling me the world won't hurt me only to tell me they were a nonce all along. How can I have faith in the world when the only one to give me that faith turned out to be a monster. Who lashes out when they're not given attention AND when they're given attention. And stalks my account because now they claim to s/elfship with the trio and have stolen my 🚦🏠 tag [I have screenshots, posts, blogs, names, the lot. That can be another post if you're curious and I'm fully recovered]

No gatekeeper will ever apologise for standing 'by' me only to vaguepost that they hate people with similar or the same headcanons as me. In fact they're praised for it by even people I considered to be friends of mine.

My ex will never apologise for writing out my name in their public blog, after I'd been more or less a therapist to them. After they told me they had something 'special' planned only for it to be a huge google doc full of reasons why I made them want to kill themselves and how awful a person I am. They will never apologise because they didn't know I had no experience with these sorts of things.

I broke up with them because not only was I afraid of being bombarded with so much love was because I'd never been shown it. How I was always treated like a thing to be put away by 'friends' and my foster 'family' and so I learned to be soft. Malleable for you, for them. But I didn't want to be.

They'll never apologise for drawing Duck upset because I'm so so awful. For writing things like 'You could have had a second chance if you weren't like this, I'm poly, you and my current partner could have shared me' which is. Bonkers and petty.

My foster carer is the only person I've gotten closure from, despite her never saying sorry. For making me stay locked in my room all day, for making fun of my weight despite it being her fault, making me bathe once a week, now I bathe as regularly as I can. For calling me names and blaming me for things out of my control or for something I never did just to have someone to scream at. She'd come up with a disgusting reason and force me to write it down and her own reason why I wanted to do what she thought I did.

I am constantly told I shouldn't assume. Fuck you. I can't control that. I lived in a house where I had to walk on eggshells, in a school where I'd be humiliated but I was never allowed to retaliate. How dare you.

How dare my ex, and this one petty gatekeeping popular bitch use them taking their own life against me and blame me for how I feel. I can tell you right now you've flipped tis on it's head. But I'm living because unlike you I won't leave my friends and I actually bothered to take that step and make them.

How dare this ONE person on here pretend to be one of their own cronies and tell me I'll make them kill themselves because I had the audacity to ask if they were the same person who said if people see a fictional character as anything other than a foetus to get out of the d/hmis fandom. I still didn't get a no 'Hannah Montana' and I meant nothing as maliciously as you perceived me to be. I left college because of you. You broke my last bit of perseverance and now I have nothing. The last thing I wanted to be was someone who would want to drive someone to suicide and in saying that to me you've become someone who both proshit and I agree is a bitch. Despite me not agreeing with anything else and hating you both.

I'm told to let it go but I can't.

But if they all said sorry, and meant it, I still wouldn't believe any of them, and I wouldn't forgive them.

I've never had an apology, never a sincere one. But I always apologise, I always mean it. I've always had this earnest sincerity but nearly everyone I've tried to stand up against has such an ironic, pitiful outlook to the point where I nearly adopted it.

They all see themselves either so highly they're gods, how everything they do is so Out There and incredible [I'd almost envy them all if I wasn't feeling so sorry for them, and it didn't impair their ability to actually make friends instead of stewing in their own sour air in their own little bubbles] or so lowly it circles back to being egocentric. So afraid to change, made a step, even just a little one, out of their comfort zones.

And it's bled into me. But I refuse it.

I can't talk to my friends because I'm afraid they're like all of you. But I know they're not. But then again, I always assume the worst, don't I. Always. But can't you assume why?

But I'll try to talk more. Keep reaching out to me, a beg you. It helps so much and I am so grateful to have met such kind people despite all the awful people I've mentioned I've met.

I met my amazing R/ed D/warf mutuals not long after my ex gave me that glorified bible of every reason why I am awful for having left them. I felt horrible but you guys taught me I wasn't. II am not. And thanks to that I became more comfortable, I became more active in the s//elfship community because I gained more experience with people, getting me more friends. I'm still not as outgoing as I wish I could be but I promise you all that I love you /plat.

Even though people like me, I still don't like me. But it's still better than thinking nobody likes me.

I still have my hope and sincerity, and in writing this forb the past two or three hours I've felt so much better.

[adracat]

GWitch ep 19 thoughts

Every episode is a kick in the teeth with candy boots. A sweet misery you've known like no other. This episode was no different and I relished today's destruction as Mio and Prospera take center stage

That's a loaded statement if I've ever seen one. Really enjoyed this brief intro segment. We get Guel's thoughts on Kenanji; uninspired and suspicious, which are a vast change from his once admiration of the man. Guel also seems surprisingly chill about returning to Earth, but cryptically comments he wants to check the situation there and aid in negotiations. I like how Mio and him have fallen into this friendly rapport after everything. We'd like to see him apologize formally ofc, but it's not necessary for Mio. She's focused on greater concerns than the petty school days of Asticassia

Meanwhile, Suletta is a wreck. She's completely fallen apart after her mother and sister dumped her in space like hot garbo. She can't even plaster on a smile and lie to herself any longer. Earth House just thinks she's upset about the break up, so she isn't confiding in anyone at all. Suletta.exe has stopped working :(

Hilariously, Counselor Secilia has decided to make Martin her servant after listening to his confessional. It's great they make a distinct parallel to Miorine here, with Martin explaining he thought the best way to protect Earth House was to give up Nika. The show is filled with instances of people taking away another person's agency in the misguided belief they're doing 'what's best'. So good!

Real Elan finally gets more dialogue and he makes an excellent point, for once. The quickest and dirtiest way into Benerit's graces would be to forcefully suppress the earthian protests. A gundam, let alone one like Aerial, is a powerful statement of supremacy after all. Shaddiq is convinced Miorine would never allow it, and he's partly right. She wouldn't if she was the one truly calling the shots.

Feng is so cool for a spook. She successfully preys upon Belmeria's cowardice and gains her begrudging compliance. Really enjoyed the dynamic here at this little tea party. It was almost like a date 😳 Love me two older women with some tension. Is this the newest gwitch ship to take flight?

I love how Mio recognized these are peaceful protesters immediately. It's another instance of her demonstrating empathy on a greater level than she once did. Her initial ignorant comments about Earthians in cour 1 seem a distant memory, and much of it has to do with her exposure to Earth House. If not for them and Suletta, her pov would be just as narrow as every other spacian's.

And it's off to a terrible start lmao. I think Mio expected an uphill battle but those are some steep demands. A worldwide ban on spacians is unfeasible but absolutely warranted considering everything the spacians have done. Mio doesn't quite know how to counter, and it's so funny Guel left her here without help after previously saying he doesn't trust her diplomacy skills. I doubt he'd be much help tbh, but I guess he trusts her more than he said? Which is, uh, somewhat appreciated? It's the thought that counts.

Sad widow moment. Norea grieving Sophie's death and expressing her fear of death explicitly has been a long time coming. 5lan bearing witness as the floodgates open and she reveals they share this core dread? God this hit so good. You can't help but feel for these kids. Nika continues to watch on in bafflement as the drama unfolds. When is she gonna leave this level of purgatory?? Only Okouchi knows...

OMG, I AM SLAIN. Defeated. This sad husk of a girlboss misses her (ex) wife so much. Normal people would just have a wallet photo or a locket, but she's reduced to watching this goofy ass promo wistfully. I would find it hilarious if it wasn't so sad. It does give her the strength to continue negotiations so that's neat

More importantly, it reminds her of GUND's ideals and the people who've banded together because of that dream; Earth House. She cleverly points out that fulfilling their demands would also mean removing earthians from space, but she won't because they're her partners at GUND-ARM. Her showing them the medical achievements they've already made together was smart and tips the scales in her favor

I keep saying I love Mio but I really do. She's inspired to grasp the presidency for her own goals, rather than just as a tool for Prospera. She found a path of peace in spite of everything against her. It's bittersweet to know, in a kinder world, this would be the end of her struggles. But Prospera won't be satisfied with peace.

This shot was gold. Suletta raiding the fridge like an unwashed raccoon is perfect on so many levels. We finally get unbound Suletta too. Ugh she looks so good 😭

LOOK AT HER!! Babygirl. She looks like such a sad scruffy mutt here. I love it 🥹 Adored Earth House supporting her in her hour of need and giving her a boost with goat milk too. Really cements the rebirth imagery they had in the last episode.

Martin decides to slink home too and reveals everything going on with Nika. This bit from Lilique says it all. There are times when you are left with only so many options. While you may not choose the objectively best path, you can only pick what YOU feel is best. Miorine, Martin, Aerial. Even Delling and Prospera (Perhaps DoF and Shaddiq as well) It fits all the way across the cast.

I didn't expect to get the Shaddiq real name drop from this shakedown, but I'll take it. Kenanji may be a cop with blood on his hands, but he's a keen one. We learned that 'Prince' is a longstanding nickname and it implicates Shaddiq wholly in the terrorist attacks. 'Whoopsie, all my nefarious plans undone by one kid's rambling!'

(I also think the implication was Shaddiq or Jeru Ogul rather, is the 'heir apparent' to Ochs Earth virtue of his dead family. Not entirely certain tbh)

Looks like Guel will be Asticassia bound next episode along with Kenanji. No idea why Kenanji had to tag along but I guess Mio has enough of an escort. Let's hope this detour leads to Suletta using the Schwarzette! Fingers crossed

You saw it here, everybody. Prospera shot first! I'll admit I didn't fully expect her to go this route but it makes sense. I anticipated her gaining Mio support somehow, but she just cut the BS and said let's do this dirty. Controlling Earthian artillery to mask her intentions and provide an excuse is devious and brilliant

Destroying DoF's secret stache of gundams even more so. She really cut Shaddiq's plan for a cold war at the knees and Guel/Kenanji are on track to expose his duplicity entirely. He'll be lucky to not be jailed let alone president of anything. It's amazing that everything works out for Prospera no matter how many risks she takes or gambles made. Lady Luck must love her nonsense as much as the audience

Cut back to Bel and Feng, their date did not end as well as I hoped. While Bel spilled some details about Quiet Zero, Prospera's second hunts her down and interrupts this powow. Can't risk QZ leaking to the corpo spooks after all. We did learn that SAL is not as unified or well intentioned as we might have thought. Their high council was revealed to be backing Ochs Earth of all corps. Feng seemed to be an outlier in yet another shady corpo-controlled faction. I'll miss her, but maybe she somehow escaped this dire situation? I won't hold my breath. RIP Feng, you were a real one!

Elan Prime seems so smug to be right, even if it means their horse in this race has some real competition. He really is a little shit just like 5lan. That MS shot though. Damn evocative. War journalists eat your heart out. It's visual reference too, I believe?

This is the funniest thing he could've said. Shaddiq is malding just like a pathetic incel. Remember when everyone thought he pulled mad game because he's surrounded by women? But the sad reality is he's the most maidenless person in the solar system. The best outcome tbh.

Beyond the laughs, this line speaks so much about how he views Miorine. He views her little better than a prize only he's deserving of; a 'pure' princess to match his crusading prince. He repeatedly disregards her agency, seen in episode 9 when he acts like Suletta controls Mio and here when he blames Guel for what's happening on Earth. He's such a salty little worm.

Finally, we're left with Suletta and Earth House as they react to the chaos. Suletta recognizes instantly Miorine's innocence and her mother's culpability. This was why Aerial sent her away. This was what everyone is trying to shield her from. It was a moment of clarity I hadn't expected, but a very welcome one. Hopefully, this means she'll be spurred into action now that Mio is in very real danger. Schwarzette time? We can dream~

That next episode is incredibly ominous though. End of Hope? Considering they have that promo where GUND-ARM/earth house are the ray of hope... yikes. Let's hope I'm just reading into things and it's not that grim

Edit* additional musings:

A segment was deleted somehow so here it is

Miorine... You know, I've seen people having a bit of schadenfreude at her expense. 'she's so stupid, ofc this happened!' - that flavor of criticism. My counter to this is what could she have realistically done? She was strong-armed into this agreement and manipulated onto Earth. She dared to imagine a peaceful solution based on ideals she slowly grew to believe wholeheartedly. This isn't her fault, much as she thinks otherwise. I can see her willfully remaining on earth to try and correct this atrocity. Girl needs a big hug from her wife ;-;

[germiyahu]

Why do you think it's OK to bomb children

Why do you think it's okay to shoot children, burn children alive in their own homes, kidnap children, murder children's parents in front of them, sexually abuse children, hold children in abysmal conditions as political bargaining chips?

Do you want to play this game? And I know you'll scream that Israel does all of that to Palestinian children, and I don't doubt that we can find examples of all of those. But that does not mean that Hamas are not rational actors with their own agency who choose to enact these examples of specific, targeted, malicious violence against children.

I'm not going to claim that dropping a bomb and killing a child as a result is good, or excusable. But I don't know, I deal with like, the real world? And I'm fairly confident if you lined up a Hamas insurgent, who gleefully physical and psychologically tortured children as "praxis" of "resistance," with an IAF fighter pilot who dropped a bomb after receiving an order from their superiors in order to eliminate a threat, and children died as a consequence... normal people would argue that the Hamas insurgent is the less moral person in that lineup.

Intent matters, but it doesn't absolve. And that's my whole point.

Of course, you'll claim that all IAF aircraft come with a custom installed "target nearest child" button, and that your Hamas woobies had no choice they're traumatized they had a trigger response, and that's why they carefully planned this attack for years. I won't get stuck in the weeds with people who don't want to be convinced and can't think rationally.

Nice try though. I do think bombing children is bad. I also know that I have zero effect on this war, it will continue no matter my thoughts about it. Children will continue to die. What I do know is that people like you completely abrogate the responsibility of Hamas in this conflict, which is rooted in ignorance and Jew hatred. What I do know is that Israel has proved to an international court that they are operating without intent to indiscriminately kill civilians, without intent to ethnically cleanse, without intent to commit genocide.

So they will continue operations, until Hamas offers unconditional surrender and/or all the hostages are released/rescued. That's just a fact. And it's also a fact that Hamas knows there's no better way to turn public opinion on something than saying "it killed my child!" which is the exact pr tactic they and their mouthpieces (aka you) accused and continue to accuse Israel of doing.

Every accusation is a confession 🤭

I do know that children are dying, which I find immoral, and those responsible will have to reckon with that. But I don't know how many children have died, and what the causes were in every case (I can say with certainty that some children have been killed by Hamas' own rockets misfiring). Also, again, if Hamas was not letting children shelter in their tunnels, if Hamas was stockpiling rockets and weapons in SCHOOLS AND DAYCARES, if Hamas is not capable of weighing the cost of civilian lives and suing for peace for their sakes... they are also responsible.

And as a final note, while children dying in this war is inevitable and condemnable, how does each "side" choose to honor murdered and maimed children? From what I've seen, Jews on social media are respectful of all children's privacy (and of their families), organized to pay for the hospital bills and funeral of a Palestinian boy murdered in Chicago, mourn the children who've died in Israel and in Gaza, pray for them, keep them in their thoughts. There are Jews in Israel are protesting the war! A lot of them. They want their family members to come home and they want to stop the bleeding in Gaza. It's like you don't care about reality you just want your edgy one-liner to condemn all Jews and Jewish allies you come across.

What has the Hamasnik side been doing to honor children? Sharing photos and videos, doctoring footage, stealing footage from Syrian children who've suffered and died? Laughing at dead Jewish children? Harassing Israeli teenagers who were released from captivity? Denying their stories and dismissing their trauma? Assaulting Jewish college students? Insisting that Jews have a penchant and a lust for murdering children? Threatening Jewish day schools and other Jewish institutions where children also attend in the Diaspora? Cheering on Hamas and Hezbollah and the Houthis as they fire rockets indiscriminately knowing that without the Iron Dome, children will die? Using dead Palestinian children as props and political tools?

I think this says a lot.

[morgana96]

Trying to Debunk Things the FFXIV Fandom Keeps Making Up About Lyse Hext

(Warning: Stormblood MSQ Spoilers Under the Cut)

I’ve been playing FFXIV for a few years now. It was my first time every playing a Final Fantasy game, and I was nervous I wouldn’t be any good at it. But FFXIV has been a huge comfort and highlight in my life. It’s gotten me through some very tough times and has really inspired me creatively. Not to mention I've met some really great people through the game, and that the community has so many nice and talented people.

But just like any other fandom, things are far from always perfect. There are fans who engage in offensive and gross behavior, fans who are toxic about how to best play - there are plenty of issues this fandom has that most of us are already aware of. But one thing that I think about a lot - although it's far from the only thing - is the strange amount of malice certain fans display when talking about the character Lyse Hext.

I couldn't understand for the longest time why some players hated Lyse so much. Personally, I enjoyed Stormblood, and I like her character. I enjoyed seeing her learn to step out of her sister's shadow and start to become her own person, and I consider her to be one of many characters who my WoL happily considers a good friend.

So it baffled me that people hated her so intensely. I get that not every character clicks with everyone, and that people have varied tastes. But the absolute vitriol some people treat her with has always confused me. That is, until I eventually realized what part of the problem is.

You see, I'm convinced that a good number of Lyse haters weren’t paying thorough attention to Stormblood’s plot. That, or they’ve simply forgotten certain details with time. Because most of the things they accuse her of or site as reasons for their hatred LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED IN THE GAME.

There are so many accusations I've seen thrown around about her, and nearly all of them are something taken out of context, misremembered, or just straight up made up.

So what I want to do is go over some of the biggest accusations this fandom has perpetuated about Lyse and debunk those that are untrue or based on misunderstanding.

People who've followed me for a while probably know I used to do this all the time back in my Naruto fandom days. I’ve seen some really wild takes from that fandom, and still do occasionally even though the original manga ended nearly a decade ago.

But while I had to wade through a lot of nonsense back then, I really enjoy breaking down stories and characters in order to prove my perspectives. So I’d like to get back into it (especially since I’ve been struggling with focus issues, and this gives me interesting subjects to focus on!)

So let's get started:

“Yda was better than Lyse.”

Let's get something straight right of the bat. The “Yda” these players claim is “better”? That person's not real.

In the game’s timeline, the original 1.0 takes place in 1572, and the true Yda died in 1571. In other words, the “Yda” with Papalymo in 1.0 is Lyse. Apparently, legacy WoLs do encounter the real Yda via Echo visions from before 1.0, but the “Yda” they are with during 1.0 and beyond has always been Lyse. (I am not a legacy/1.0 player, so I'm using resources like the lore books and short stories to get this information.)

So what this means is that unless you are a legacy WoL, you never even knew or saw anything of the real Yda. It was always Lyse.

Everyone in the Circle of Knowing already knew this. Remember, it was Papalymo who asked them not to say anything; he recognized it as a coping mechanism for Yda's death, and he wanted Lyse to figure out for herself that she should not hide herself in her sister's shadow and legacy.

And deep down, Lyse had a feeling the others knew. She just didn't voice this, which is described as her “deciding not to know” that they knew. She even admits that she wasn't trying to truly “become” Yda, so it’s unlikely that she was really changing her personality all that much from what it usually is.

So I can't help but be annoyed when people insist they “liked Yda better”. Not only because I don't think Lyse's personality changed much from when she was “Yda”, but also because people who make this claim fail to see how ridiculous they sound.

The lie was a better character?

You see Lyse’s grief response to losing her older sister as a better character?

You hate that Lyse finally chose to let Yda go and try to become her own person? And preferred the lie?

What a weird hill to die on.

“Lyse didn’t do anything for the Resistance before my WoL showed up”

This is what I’m talking about when I say there are definitely players who just weren’t paying attention and instead make up whatever best fits their own biases.

Lyse and Papalymo were working with the Ala Mhigan Resistance since the end of A Realm Reborn. With a great deal of effort, Conrad managed to get them to Rhalgr’s Reach after the events of the Bloody Banquet, and the two of them pretty much spend the whole time after that working directly with Conrad’s faction of the Resistance until you finally manage to find them again towards the end of Heavensward and right before Stormblood begins

Lyse is not some stranger to them by the time your WoL crosses Baelsar’s Wall. By the time you get there, she’s already become close with Conrad, M’naago, and Meffrid. She’s already gone on countless dangerous missions with the Resistance and engaged directly in conflicts with imperials on their behalf. All of this is made clear in both the MSQ and the extra stories online.

I get so frustrated when blatant misinformation like this gets passed off as canon. How are you going to accurately criticize a character when you don’t even remember major parts of the story you’re criticizing? It makes no sense.

“Lyse stole the credit for saving Ala Mhigo from my WoL!!”

Yeah, no. She didn’t.

I’m not even going to pretend to humor this one. It doesn’t deserve it. It’s a lie. A straight up lie. It literally never happened.

But you know what the most annoying and sad thing about it is? This stupid claim is the exact opposite of how Lyse actually behaves throughout the game.

Lyse is seen regularly talking about how much she looks up to the WoL. She talks so much about how they inspire her, whether directly to them or to others when they’re not around. One of the biggest parts of her arc is getting over her fear of not living up to “true heroes”, including her family and the WoL. Hell, when people rightfully thank her for her efforts, she downplays it as simply doing the right thing and not something anyone needs to thank her for.

And when the WoL finally beats Zenos and Ala Mhigo finally becomes free, do you know what she says?

“You beat [Zenos], after all. You’re the real hero of this story. So run along and take your plaudits!”

How media illiterate does someone have to be to think that THIS is a character who’s “stealing credit”?

So no, Lyse Hext did not “steal credit” from your WoL. In fact, your WoL honestly just sounds like a delusional, self-important prick.

“Lyse didn't earn being the leader of Ala Mhigo/ the Resistance! It should have been Raubahn or M'naago!”

There are quite a few big issues with this one:

1 - Lyse is NOT the leader of Ala Mhigo, nor is she the leader of the entire Resistance.

Raubahn is.

Raubahn is Ala Mhigo's acting head of state. He's the one who is now the main head of the Resistance, which is the city-state's official military now that the Empire has lost control there.

I can’t even count how many people I’ve seen shouting about how “Raubahn should have been in charge!”, when he already IS in charge. And basically almost NO ONE ever fact checks anyone else on this.

These players are literally accusing Lyse of stealing a position she doesn’t have from a man who is, in fact, already in said position.

It’s wild.

2 - Lyse is currently the commander of the Resistance troops at Rhalgr’s Reach in the Fringes. That’s it.

The story makes it very clear that the Resistance was originally not headed by any one leader. There were multiple factions with different leaders, and they didn’t always get along and often had different perspectives on how best to free Ala Mhigo.

For instance, it was the Griffin specific faction of the Resistance, led by Ilberd, that attacked Baelsar's Wall. This branch of the Resistance was not affiliated with Conrad, and in fact, some of Conrad's group and fighters from other groups went to join the Griffin after being taken in by his words.

And because of the slaughter Ilberd purposely led those people into to summon Shinryu, many Ala Mhigans became wary of all factions of the Resistance for a time, even though they weren't necessarily affiliated with the Griffin’s faction.

The Resistance only recently began transitioning into an official military unit, rather that countless factions doing their own thing. Lyse is specifically in command of the group at Rhalgr’s Reach, because that was Conrad’s group. She’s NOT in charge of anyone else’s faction.

My guess as to the current chain of command is that the other factions are still being led by their respective leaders, and that since Raubahn now leads them as a whole, they (including Lyse) fall under his command and answer to him.

And as I said before, The Rhalgr’s Reach Resistance are not strangers to her, nor is she a stranger to them; she’s been working with and helping them since the end of ARR. It’s only because so many people refuse to acknowledge this that they’re convinced she’d done “nothing”, or that they somehow would see her as unfit.

3 - There are few things as universally annoying in fandom spaces than fans pitting women who are canon friends against each other. And unfortunately, this is exactly what I see happen most of the time with Lyse and M’naago.

Now unlike some of the other things I talk about in this post, I can at least understand some of the frustration regarding these two. After all, M’naago has been with the Resistance for a longer time.

But once again, this ends up tainted by people’s weird obsession with outright vilifying Lyse and everything she does. She’s not some evil schemer trying to usurp M’naago, and M’naago isn’t her bitter rival or victim. They are clearly very close - Lyse referring to her as “Naago” is a big deal in Seeker culture - and their stories on the lodestone makes it pretty clear to me that they care far more about each other and working to save their homeland than titles and mantles of leadership.

Honestly, I think a lot of people like to forget how much Lyse tried to reject becoming a leader. She was constantly comparing herself to others, and as a result, she considered herself unworthy of such a role and convinced herself it was something you needed a natural talent for. She was the one who insisted that being related to Curtis and Yda wasn’t enough to make her a good leader. It was only when she accepted her own limitations and imperfections that she finally accepted that role. She had to sort her own personal feelings out before she was ready to take on that responsibility.

One of the things I love about Lyse is that she’s a wonderfully flawed character; she has a lot of doubts, but she is trying her best to improve herself, instead of constantly wondering if she’s living up to someone else’s legacy. She’s not a Warrior of Light, or a decorated Archon. But she’s passionate, determined, and always willing to learn from others while she tries to become who she wants to be. In my eyes, that’s what Conrad’s talking about when he tells her she can become a leader. And regardless of what anyone else says, I enjoyed watching her start to come into her own.

“Lyse is a White Savior.”

This issue is much more complex than the other things I’ve brought up here. So I want to start out by making some things clear from the start.

As a black woman, I think one of the only well-founded criticisms regarding Lyse is her pale completion compared to her father Curtis, whose skin is much darker. Colorism is a serious and ongoing issue in entertainment media industries. It’s my belief that Lyse’s character design is a perfect example of that issue. And we as a fandom should absolutely acknowledge and criticize it.

However, I also disagree strongly with anyone who refers to Lyse as “a white savior”.

To provide some background information, “white savior” is a term connected to the long history of white people colonizing, oppressing, and denying agency to non-white people. Its concept originates from the racist ideology known as “The White Man's Burden” (named after a pro-imperialism poem), which falsely claims that white people are morally obligated to "save" people of color from themselves and their "savagery", thus justifying their colonization and cultural genocide. It’s also recognized as a common trope in media, where a white person - usually a white man displaced from white society - is made into the leader or liberator of a group of people of color, thus making said white person the focus of a story that doesn’t actually affect them the way it affects the marginalized.

There are two main reasons why I disagree with calling Lyse a white savior:

1 - Like I’ve already said, I 100% think Lyse’s character design is flawed. But something that’s very important to note here is that Ala Mhigo/Gyr Abania is not a homogeneous society some players seem to think it is.

Like a lot of the other regions in Eorzea, Gyr Abania has a diverse mixture of the world's fantasy races, including Hellsguard Roes, Seeker of the Sun Miqo'te, and both Highlander and Midlander Hyurs. But Gyr Abania is also not homogeneous when it comes to skin color. There are characters and NPCs throughout the Gyr Albania areas with varying skin tones. Some are fair, some are dark, and some are somewhere in between.

The problem with Lyse’s character design is that she’s suspiciously fair skinned despite being the daughter of a clearly dark-skinned man.

But what I tend to see people turn that into is “Lyse is too fair skinned to be Ala Mhigan”.

Fordola is fair skinned. M’hahtoa, M’naago’s mother, and several other members of the M Tribe are fair skinned. There are multiple NPCs across the Gyr Abanian maps that have fairer skin (some are named/can be spoken to, while others are unnamed/background NPCs).

I don’t think I’ve ever seen these characters brought up when people start talking about Ala Mhigan ethnicities. Maybe someone out there has and I simply missed it. But as far as I can remember, I’ve only seen Ala Mhigan skin tones brought up when someone is calling Lyse, and no one else, “too pale to be Ala Mhigan”. It doesn’t work to make this claim because Ala Mhigan is not a race; it's a nationality which is made up of multiple races, and those races seem to have varied skin tones based on what we see in the actual game.

Now remember, this is in no way a recant of my stance. I think Lyse should be closer in skin tone to her father. But the white savior label doesn’t work in this context because despite the problems with her design, Lyse is an Ala Mhigan refugee; not some random foreigner coming into Gyr Abania with no understanding of their history and plight. It’s not enough to claim she’s “too pale to be Ala Mhigan”, because Ala Mhigo/Gyr Abania isn’t homogeneous like that.

2 - When it comes to white saviorism, there’s a very specific privilege and ignorance that comes with it. The reason why it’s offensive is because it makes a white person the focus of a situation that they can’t and don’t truly understand. A story’s white savior - whether consciously or unconsciously - symbolizes white ego and narcissism. And frankly, I do not think that was ever the intention of Lyse’s story.

There’s a big difference between a white savior’s intrusion into a foreign country and a refugee returning to their homeland after many years. While only Lyse’s early years were spent in Ala Mhigo, she is not completely removed from it like people seem to think she is. It’s very clear she remembers her time there, and has clear memories of life with her father and sister.

She was only five when Yda got her out - right at the start of the Garlean occupation - and because of this, she initially doesn’t know how to convince other Ala Mhigans that the fight for their home is still worth it. Her love and hope for a better Ala Mhigo is mistaken for ignorance, because many have been so worn down by the loss and bloodshed that it’s considered suicide to fight back anymore.

Stormblood does a great job of showing how imperialism wears down its victims. The hopelessness felt by many in Ala Mhigo and Doma is the result of years of violence, abuse, and cruelty, and that’s exactly the imperials’ intention; an oppressor wants to break the will and spirit of the oppressed as much as they can, conditioning them to normalize their mistreatment in order to diminish threats to their control.

Characters like Fordola also help show how imperialists manipulate the oppressed to work against their own best interests. All of Fordola’s actions are driven by the misguided idea that working with the Empire would “free” Ala Mhigo. She was convinced that as long as she fought and killed for them, she’d eventually prove that Ala Mhigans are worthy of the Garleans’ respect. But that was never going to happen. It was a tactic to indoctrinate young Ala Mhigans and maintain the imperial status quo. And sadly, Fordola fell deep into that trap.

This is the real cause for Lyse’s initial disconnect. It’s not because of privilege or bias, or a lack of personal connection to Ala Mhigo. It’s founded on the fact that she simply hasn’t experienced the Empire’s relentless tyrannical tactics the same way those who remained in Gyr Abania have.

But this doesn’t mean she hasn’t dealt with loss and fear. Both her father and sister were killed by the Garleans. She’s experienced displacement and having to flee from your home to survive. She’s lost comrades and close friends while with the Scions. This isn’t some naive little girl who doesn’t know the pain that comes with battles and war.

The biggest challenge for the main cast of Stormblood wasn’t just physically fighting the Garleans. It was about a shared sense of pain and loss, and trying to break through the hopelessness the people of Ala Mhigo and Doma were feeling.

Lyse, the WoL, and the other characters aren’t doing what they do for glory. They’re not claiming to know better than the Ala Mhigans and Domans. They’re not trying to take their agency away. They’re trying to convince them to take back their own agency and futures from the Garleans. It’s about understanding their pain, their loss, and their fear, and trying to help them rediscover the strength to keep fighting for themselves. At least that’s what it was to me.

And speaking of the Garleans, it’s wild how I don’t see more people bring up their similarities to white saviorism.

So many Garleans refer to non-Garleans as “savages” and treat them as second class citizens in the provinces.

They insist that their societies and faiths are “primitive”, and that this justifies their invasions and conquests.

They outlaw cultural and religious practices and force their own practices in their place, all under the guise of “civilizing” conquered people and saving them from themselves.

They propagandize themselves as selfless heroes, and people like the WoL as the monstrous villains. “We’re simply trying to rescue these poor, deluded “savages” from themselves and their eikons. Why are you mad?”

And when people fight back and reject them, the Empire plays victim. Take Varis for instance; during that meeting with the Alliance, he targets the very valid issues the Eorzean nations have. But that’s not because he actually cares about fixing those problems; he’s literally just gaslighting them and trying to justify Garlemald’s false sense of supremacy.

It’s all right there. It’s literally a perfect fictional example of the racism, narcissism, and backwards logic of imperialism.

Yet somehow, I’ve see Lyse, an Ala Mhigan refugee, called a “white savior” more often than Garlean imperials.

It’s frustrating, to say the least.

~~~

Well, these are pretty much all the main accusations I’ve seen thrown at Lyse since I’ve started the game. If I think of anything else, or if someone gives me something else to look at, I will add on to this.

I don’t know if I’m changing any minds with this, or even if anyone even has the time or patience to read through this whole post. But it’s feels good to finally write out a lot of my thoughts on this subject after so long. I’d like to do this on more subjects relating to FFXIV, including ways I think certain parts of story could have been improved.

But that’s or another day. Thanks so much for reading ~

[moonlitkilljoy]

Lo and behold! i’ve finally finished making it, the promised list of Pacific Rim fic recs for anon :-) everyone thank @ihavenomoralsss for proofreading this for me!

There’s a good chance most people who've read any amount of newmann fanfiction will have read the first two on this list, as they’re found on the first and fifth pages of the newmann ship tag on ao3 when its sorted by most kudos descending– however i’ve included them anyway because they’re there for a very good reason (which is that they’re FANTASTIC). also, i've grouped all of the "pov outsider" fics together at the end of this post, as they pretty much make up one third of the list– which feels like it warrants it's own section. feel free to dm me or send me an ask to let me know of your thoughts about any of these (or just pacific rim in general!!)! without further ado, may i present to thou, 10 fantastic newmann fics

It’s All in the Hands of a Lazy Projector by patster223

“Hermann is cursed as a child so that he may never remember anyone he meets. Theoretically, this should make falling in love impossible, but then he meets (and meets and meets and meets) Newton Geiszler.”

~10k words, 1 chapter, rated T; exactly what the summary says, it’s an au in which hermann is cursed to forget everyone he meets, it centers around newt and hermanns interactions and how they manage to grow close despite this

if i had to choose a single favorite pacific rim fanfic it’d probably have to be this one. it’s gorgeously written and tackles some themes that hit very close to home for me, personally. i’ve struggled with memory loss for a very long time now, and this fic manages to encapsulate that experience through the lens of magical-realism in a way i’ve never seen captured in any context. i left a comment to that effect (under a pseudonym because i rarely log into ao3 on my phone) and the author’s response is something that still makes me emotional pretty much every time i look at it, “I wanted to imagine a world where memory still mattered, even if it wasn’t remembered. And now, years later, I think that it does. You and I and Hermann hold memory in our bodies and our minds, even if what’s being held isn’t an exact picture or description, but rather an emotion or a question. Memory still has to matter to those with memory loss, even if we end up experiencing it differently.” so, this is not only a recommendation for quality, but also from a very personal place— it’s a fic that addresses the concept of memory loss through a lens of comfort and hope, which it is so rarely seen through, and does it phenomenally. if anyone looking at this post were to read one fic and only one fic from this list i’d want it to be this one. it also characterizes newt and hermann very well and i love their dynamic in it, it’s PHENOMENAL

Letters From Berlin by spenshi

“Newton keeps in touch with his family when he's shipped off to the Shatterdome. Jacob and Illia send care packages to the K-Science Lab.”

~12k words, 1 chapter, rated T; once more, exactly what the summary says– newt sends letters to his family and they send him packages. eventually hermann starts sending them letters (+ emails) as well :]

i read this one most recently out of all the others so it’s the freshest in my memory :-) it’s extremely homely and heartwarming!! additionally, it includes some really fun and sweet interactions between newt’s family and hermann. OH! and, of course, some very fun characterization of newt’s family

Plausible Possibility by cissues / @cacaesthesia

“Newt and Hermann experience some odd post-drift effects.”

~1k words, 1 chapter, rated G; a little exploration of ghost-drift

short and sweet! absolutely fucking adorable too. plus, this contains some headcanons/a discussion of sexuality that i was delighted to find very relatable (as an aromantic person)

Red Patent by highseize

“It's been months since the ocean closed up. Nothing will take this from her now.”

~2k words, 1 chapter, rated G; a snapshot of what mako’s life looks like after the events of the movie ^^

a rare non-hermann-and-newt-centered fic on this list!! this one actually centers around mako :D it’s adorable and i love mako with my entire heart, especially this depiction of her

fool by kaijusalad

“Newton is going to die thinking no-one left on this Earth loves him. (Fool.) He can't have that.”

~6k words, 1 chapter, rated T; hermann believes that seeking out hannibal chau and drifting with a kaiju brain once more will kill newt, and acts accordingly

i LOVE the way this fic is formatted and written– the word choice and unique use of italics and parentheses is incredible and works so well. it describes every action and scene so gorgeously and it just. man. here’s a small except devoid of context that i think showcases this perfectly: “His words are hollow, anyway. They hang in the air, lies filled with helium, a new year's resolution, an 'I'll quit smoking'. (God is real in belief; maybe if he believes in them hard enough they'll come true, and isn't that something for a man who works in numbers to think?)”

One day from lonely by Raehimura

“Hermann is standing outside Newton Geiszler’s private quarters, bony ankles poking out from under too-short standard-issue sweatpants, his hair a wreck and his red-ringed eye still sore, with a lifetime of stolen memories in his head. What if Newt isn’t there? What if he’s sleeping? Or, worse, what if he is waiting on the other side of the door with his own stolen memories fresh on his mind? Above all he remembers, sudden and frighteningly clear: This is not what they do.”

~2.5k words, 1 chapter, rated G; another very interesting exploration of newt and hermann post-drift

i disagree a little bit with some of the characterization in this fic (particular, newt thinking hermann hates him. i think newt very well knows that hermann’s very fond of him) but it’s a great read nonetheless! the best word to describe it would probably be “cozy”

This is a Totally Normal Thing for Friends to Do by SolarMorrigan / @solarmorrigan

“Hermann and Newt don't talk about it (until they do)”

~21k words, 4 chapters, rated T; a fake dating au in which hermann’s dad nags him about not having found a partner yet and hermann panics, telling him that he actually does have a partner just to get him to asking about it, but it backfires when lars expresses interest in meeting him. newt offers to play the part of partner, hijinks and relationship progression ensue. this fic also has an explicit sequel, if that’s your kind of thing

THIS FIC IS SO FUCKING GOOD. there were multiple times where i reacted out loud to things that happened in the fic– most notably a series of “holy fucking shit”s while eating lunch with some friends. it’s adorable and includes some transmasc newt content :3 this fic also includes hermann snapping and standing up to his shithead dad and its GREAT. one of my absolute favorite pacrim fics ever, i can’t recommend it enough

POV OUTSIDER FICS:

HR Complaints by IDoNotBitMyThumbAtYou / @idonotbitemythumbatyou

“Manny Flores has been with the PPDC for nearly a decade by the time he’s transferred to Hong Kong. He just wants to do his job. And he’s good at it. But when he receives the 15th complaint from one Dr. Hermann Gottlieb in only three days, he finds his patience running thin. He wonders which of the two scientists would be more of a nightmare to cohabitate a working space with: Dr. Gottlieb - sender of endless petty complaints, or Dr. Geiszler, their hapless subject. (...)”

~3k words, 1 chapter, unrated (probably G or T); hermann and newt’s relationship through the eyes of someone reading the (non-serious) complaints that hermann sends to hr

i spent three uninterrupted hours looking for this fic to link it here and it was ABSOLUTELY worth it. this fic is so fun, and it uses my favorite trope of all time!! i’m an absolute sucker for “pov outsider” type fics <3 the characterization is phenomenal, i love the oc from whose pov we view the story, and some of the lines made me actually audibly laugh. definitely another one of my absolute favorites. i think i sent a screenshot of the first sentence from the following lines to virtually everyone i know: “After another few weeks of complaints (“Dr. Geiszler asked me if I have any tattoos.” “Dr. Geiszler made an offensive tweet alluding to my personal style. I have attached a link.” “Dr. Geiszler has named his invention ‘the milking machine.’”) And continued insistence that no disciplinary action be taken, Manny was starting to suspect that the latter was closer to the truth: these were the missives of someone deeply, inconveniently in love. Christ, Manny was half in love with the guy himself at this point.” this fic rocks, do yourself a solid and please read it

On The Outside by combeferrer

“Petra Gottlieb, Hermann's mother, watches the first PPDC press conference after the world is saved and notices her son, particularly his relationship with his fellow scientist.”

~1k words, 1 chapter, rated G; for the third and final time, exactly what the description says! newt and hermanns relationship through the eyes of hermann’s mother, who watches a press conference with her son– who she hasn’t really interacted with lately– in it

ANOTHER GREAT FIC!! I love this characterization of newt and hermann’s relationship, and i find the premise and extremely enticing in and of itself so i won’t be saying anything more here <3

Disconnect, Connect Again by cypress_tree / @cypress-tree

“Raising Newt Geiszler has never been easy. Seeing him fall in love can be harder. The development of Newt and Hermann's relationship, from Jacob Geiszler's point-of-view.”

~13.5k words, 4 chapters, rated T; newt and hermann’s relationship through the eyes of newt’s father, over the course of 12 years

LOVE LOVE LOVE this author’s take on newt’s family. it works so well and is very enjoyable to read about. i wish i could articulate how much and why exactly i love this fic in a better manner, but i can’t quite find the right word’s ^^; i’m just going to leave it at “i love it dearly and i adore it’s depiction/interpretation of newt and hermann’s history (and present + future!)”

thank you for reading!! have a lovely day/night ^^ <3

[astramachina]

For those of you who've been following me for a while now, there's a good chance you got to experience my journey reading the Remembrance of Earth's Past series last year. I loved Three-Body Problem, but The Dark Forest and Death's End were like pulling teeth. Both books had their very very good moments, but getting through them was a tedious experience I considered giving up on on multiple occasions. I will give it to Cixin Liu tho, I needed to know how the series ended and that alone was the sole reason I pushed towards the finish line. Any author that can make me tough out bad writing for the sake of seeing the end deserves some kind of award (and he won a ton anyway, so).

I approached the Netflix series with zero expectations given their propensity for shitty adaptations (One Piece notwithstanding), but after watching the first episode I was left cautiously optimistic.

Having watched all 8 episode I'm still unsure how to feel about it. I spent most of the series hitting pause to rant at my roommate about it, both positively and negatively.

I had many issues with the books, but some of the more obvious ones came from a writing standpoint. I love hard sci-fi. I could not excuse the sheer length of those final two books. The atrocious treatment of women as objects to romance and use as bartering for the main character. The abysmal MCs (specifically Luo Ji) that made me want to yell to the high heavens due to annoying they were. The lack of human connection between characters.

For books so steeped in sociopolitical and ethical commentaries, the flagrant misogyny and homophobia was eye-rolling. And not even in a "This is Bad" sort of way, just in a "This is So Fucking Boring" kind of way. I cannot speak for the author's biases, because the contents of a book in no way reflects the views of an author or their character.

Where the books shone the brightest were during the battle scenes, the looming dread, genuinely horrific thought experiments.

And, surprisingly? It feels like the people at Netflix thought the same.

I've never watched Game of Thrones but I understood why people were against it from the get-go. That, along with the whole "whitewashing" thing which I consider to be interesting. For starters, you're using whitewashed wrong. Yes, they moved the central story from China to England which was... a fascinating choice, but of the core five (that quickly became the core four), only two of them are white. I'm not saying it was okay for a western adaptation to take a cast and further diversify it, I'm just saying that that's not whitewashing.

That aside, I did like some of the choices that were made from a narrative standpoint. Reshuffling and streamlining events, for one. Removing the whole plot line about Luo Ji hunting down a woman who he invented in his head in order to marry her? I'm not entirely sold on the idea of taking core events and divvying them up between four different people, but I do understand what they're trying to do.

The book series failed at crafting believable and impactful relationships between its human characters, which made the narrative feel hollow and one-dimensional. This adaptation aimed to change this by slapping a band-aid over the issue. Like I said, I'm still unsure of how I feel about this.

A lot of unnecessary stuffing was removed to make a suitable run time, and I say unnecessary because there's really no scenes that are making me go "oh, I wish this had been included". Was some stuff rushed? Yes. The passage of time could have been outlined a little better, but that's a small nitpick on my end.

The scale of things was toned down, and I don't think Netflix has the capability (or budget) to tackle space battles.

Honestly? I don't really see this getting a second season for a variety of reasons, and I'd be okay with that.

It was an "okay" watch, in the end.

Tho, I'm still flabbergasted by the random "gory scary jumpscare" scenes????? Where did those come from??? I don't remember anything like that being in the books but, you know. I've read a lot more books since finishing these, so.

[monsterlets]

hi I don't really know who to ask about this but I have to get it off my chest and I've seen you talking about voice stuff so I just started T and I've been looking forward to my voice changing but. I keep seeing tiktoks that say even when your voice drops the tone will always be "like a woman." am I stuck sounding like this but lower forever?

again it's okay if you don't have an answer I just at least need to get my thoughts out

short answer: no

long answer: oh boy those tiktoks. they have an element of truth in them but they're deeply misleading. for a lot of reasons. yeah no you picked a good person to ask, I have Things To Say about this

I'm taking my usual approach of "this is inherently fine but if it will make you less dysphoric or safer here's how to change it"

things that are true in those videos: there are general patterns of "tone" (not a technical term in this context, but we all know what it's getting at so I'll keep using it) that people generally perceive as masculine or feminine. trans men often retain a more "feminine" tone after their voice drops

I genuinely think that the people making those videos think they're making people aware of a safety hazard, but this is not the insta-clock that they think it is. unless someone is actively looking for it, or has met a lot of people who've taken T, they're not gonna make the connection. if they don't have another reason to think you're trans your average ignorant person is gonna be like "is he gay?"

the second thing they get wrong is they act like it's purely biological. it isn't. it's extremely malleable

so you produce a sound wave when air passes through your vocal folds, and that has a certain pitch. the main thing we're talking about here is how that sound wave changes on its way out of your mouth. everything the air hits -- your tongue, your teeth, etc. -- will change the tone of the sound you finally produce. and this is partly based on physiology and partly based on habit --

physiology - cis men on average have larger vocal tracts than cis women. this means the air has bigger targets to hit and that will influence the tone of the sound. T changes this somewhat, btw

habit - you know what the biggest target the air hits is? your tongue. you know what has a ridiculously wide range of motion? your tongue. hold it a bit higher and a bit farther back and you've just made it a bigger target

you can actively try to do that if you want to (takes trial and error, if you go to far with it you just end up making a different speech sound entirely) but there's something I haven't mentioned about the habit thing. you are used to supporting a higher voice. higher pitches take more space in the mouth to fully support. I've known a lot of people who, after their voice changes even out and they get used to them, just kinda subconsciously fall into the new habits I just mentioned. maybe they end up somewhere in between maybe they end up sounding indistinguishable from cis men. there's an awkward period like there is for cis teenage boys

[hunsa-jars]

man

Heyy things are pretty busy and exhausting right now, but I promise I'm trying to be brave about it

Might pop up here tomorrow

Or the day after tomorrow- this week sometime, or I'll go bonkers

Gonna queue this because I really shouldn't be distracting myself more than I already do nhdfdh

Haghhhh I miss you all, I'll be back

(uhh life update under the cut? to the folks who are curious, kinda wanted to mention these at some point anyways)

OI HI TO THE PEOPLE WHO STAYED HOW'S IT GOING

Remember that I said that my phone might be still alive after all? Well.. yeah, no, that was a false alarm, it really did kick the bucket. Temporarily using my sister's old phone until I get a new one this Christmas

And because I'm the way I am, I refuse to change anything about it- like I can't stand the idea of getting used/attached to it when I know in a couple of weeks I'm gonna give it back, so..

So yeah, I don't want to go through the procedures of logging into everything, including Tumblr

I've been avoiding going here anyway, so technically it helps :''')

My attention span is so awful you guys, so mad at myself 24/7 for always looking for excuses to not do my studying routine

Speaking of studying, this is the last week of uni for this year!

BUT exam period is starting next week and I have like 3 exams before Christmas, so fun

Uhhhh remember the board game I mentioned making? Teacher loved it and wants to display it for the university's open day. Pretty glad, worked hard on that thing (even tho it could have been better)

Gonna show you guys once I get it back

Uhhhh did my best with my recorder, my hands were shaking, but the teacher could tell I was only messing up because I was nervous as balls, and not because I didn't know the songs, thank god

My grandma is doing well! Well.. better. We keep her company. My cousins come to visit us twice a week now, so no silent Saturdays or Sundays

FINALLY figured out how to use emulators, so between studying for the January exams and relative visits, I'm gonna finally play Animal Crossing and Earthbound properly (I think I've mentioned using online emulators before, but those distorted the music so much I just couldn't continue with it)

Also was anybody going to tell me that OFF is free?

And Yume Nikki?? On Steam?????? Hello??

Umm also! My little brother sat down with me last Saturday and made me watch Murder Drones (he's hyperfixating and wanted to pass it onto me, spoilers: IT WORKED)

Oh my goodness... that show................................. Plan for another flooding

What else, uh- we're on season 2 of AOT, it's insane, it makes me insane, I wish I could say more without going unhinged

I... i think that's all

To the people who've been tagging me the past few days I SEE YOU ALL, THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME, I'LL GET TO IT

Well

See you guys later this week, hopefully, please take care

[delafiseaseses]

Ever think about the fatphobia and ableism of Gizmo from Fallout 1's characterisation? I have and I feel the need to say something on the matter because I've never seen anyone point it out and it is very in-your-face (I also get slightly derailed talking about Junktown's endings, but it's tangentially connected).

So, Gizmo. He's an example of some of the oldest of stereotypes about fat people. Lazy, greedy, slobbish. To illustrait my point here's a line given about Gizmo to the question 'Does he have any weaknesses?' that I think is telling of the writing's attitude towards him.

'Only that he thinks he doesn't have any. Well, that and he's a fat slob, who can't move for a damn. He's got to have his guards help him move around. Even then, they gotta use a little tricycle. Heh heh.'

Sinthia, who says this, does have good reason to dislike Gizmo (him taking 25% of her earnings and all), but it's an almost entirely unprompted statement. I very much suspect that 'Heh heh.' is how the writer of that line felt about writing that line basically saying "Hey, ain't it funny that this big man cannot physically walk to bed and needs assistance?".

And, of course, Gizmo is the only fat person in Fallout 1 and one of the only people in any Fallout game who explicitly cannot walk.

Very decidedly Not Great, all of that. Not unsurprising, of course, it's a very textbook example of this kinda thing, but still acknowledgement of flaws and bias is important if one wants to appreciate art.

I also might as well get into the fact Junktown's endings used to be far grayer. The conventionally attractive Killian Darkwater's sense of 'frontier justice' keeping Junktown small due to his 'rigid sensibilities'. if you side with this cop. Even in the final game there's certain undertones to Killian and his ending and some dialogue. Going back to Sinthia she says "Killian sure as hell wouldn't put up with me or my kind." (that being sex workers). And the cannon ending slide sure enough says "Killian Darkwater takes firm control of Junktown, drives out the last of Gizmo's kind, and then enforces his own brand of frontier justice. Life is fair and safe under his law." the last of Gizmo's kind a choice of words that. It says 'Life is fair and safe under his law.', but... wonder what happened to Sinthia. I fear she wouldn't be 'under his law'.

So, they changed the Junktown endings and why? Well, one side they have a stereotype that's very conventionally a 'villian' and they go out of their way to make him very villianous. Then they have an attractive policeman who seems 'fair' and 'righteous', I mean, the man hears the assassin Kenji say 'Gizmo sends his regards' and doesn't go after him right away, wanting a confession to the crime first through a bug or wiretap, don't think about why he has those. He's using them for 'good' and look how ""ugly"" the guy he's against is.

They could've made a point there, at least, but the message has to be read between the lines and I'm pretty sure most people who've ever played Fallout 1 only see a "handsome" Mayor and an "ugly" crime boss. They could've shown the dangers of trusting someone like Killian with absolute power, but... they decided that was 'unsatisfying'. Which has, ironically, left me unsatisfied.

To add one last insult to the injury, even when you side with Gizmo he dies in his ending. "... he chokes to death while eating some iguana-on-a-stick.". He dies while eating. What a place to end the Junktown conflict.

[azurecrystalz]

[Translation] Spider / Gratitude 2

The next day

Kohaku: Yaa~aawn....

Kohaku: (Nn~....I think I overslept because I was exhausted. Well, I've got work in the evening anyways so there's no issue there, but if I'm waking up in the afternoon it feels like I've lost money*. The day of the costume fitting is finally here at last...I wonder what kind of costume it's gonna be.)

Kohaku: (If it's possible at all I really want it to be something popular with kids instead of horrifying...No way. That would totally be wrong...wouldn't we definitely just become the number one kind of idols people wouldn't want their kids to meet?)

Kohaku: Nn? My stomach is rumbling. It's noon already. And I really am hungry....I went to see if I could grab a bit from the kitchen since I was too lazy to go out and buy groceries, but...Nn? What smells sweet?

Niki: ~........

Kohaku: I thought I caught a whiff of something sweet, turns out it's just Niki-han? Are you cooking something up again?

Niki: Ah! Kohaku-chan, good morning! You're right. What I'm making now is a prototype batch of Halloween cookies. There's plenty, Kohaku-chan, so you can eat some too.

Kohaku: Halloween cookies? Ah, that's true. There's a bunch of cookies that have shapes of bats, pumpkins, and ghosts. I'll gladly take some since I'm so hungry. Thanks~ Nn! They're so good. As expected of you, Niki-han. Still, even though I'm the one that got something good out of this, why don't you make all these prototypes on the day of production instead of going through all this trouble now? Niki-han, you're too stoic when it comes to cooking.

Niki: Ah, these all aren't for me. I mentioned how "Cinnamon"s manager was super thrilled about the Halloween event, didn't I~? At "Cinnamon" I was really excited to sell gift batches of cookies on that same day. That's why we're making a bunch of prototypes.

Kohaku: Fuu~n. I get it now. I've been wondering about it for a while, Niki-han, but you really look like you love Halloween. I can tell you're enjoying yourself.

Niki: That's right! When "Trick or Treat" is all you have to say and you get a load of goodies from everyone around, it's like a dream! It could be Halloween everyday.

Kohaku: Yikes. I hope the end is soon....I'll never live a day of peace. Nn? I had no idea that they wrapped up Halloween candy all cute-like. Using scary motifs or black and orange colors would make it more Halloween-like, wouldn't it?

Niki: You're not wrong~, but I've heard Halloween has been changing more and more lately.

Kohaku: Changing...?

Niki: The whole idea of Halloween used to be "giving out candy in exchange for not getting pranked", but now it's more like more people want to "give sweets to the ones who've taken good care of them". Like you know how Valentine's Day got more popular and you could give your friends chocolate? It looks like Halloween is becoming more like that, where you're simply all having fun together. So that's why, in order for it to be useful as a gift, I'm using the cute wrapping.

Kohaku: Fuu~n. Is it really popular to do something like that nowadays?…"To the ones who've taken good care of them".....huh....

Flashback Jun: "I need to remember to stay grateful for those around me."

Kohaku: ......

Kohaku: Hey, Niki-han. Those cookies, I want to bake them too. Can you teach me how?

Niki: Eh? I don't mind that but...that's odd. If you say so Kohaku-chan. But does that mean there's someone you want to gift these cookies to?

Kohaku: --Well, basically. I know it's unusual.

Niki: Ehhh~? That's not truuuuue. I'm happy if I can cook with someone since it's fun. We've got plenty of wrapping paper, so let's make something that you'll like together.

Kohaku: Right. I'm in your care, Niki-han.

(*): Most likely going off the phrase "time is money". He feels like he's wasted time by sleeping in so that's why he thinks he feels he's lost money.

← previous | next →

[sacredsnape]

Here’s a little sad request, trying to desperately be friendly and not bothering severus because you heard he’s not very social but then he snaps at you and it just hurt so you say "I don’t understand, why do you hate me so much?"

i do love some angsty snape fics🥲

summary : you've always been one to be very friendly to others, but your kindness completely backfires on you when you try using it on snape.

warnings: argument & cussing

genre: angst

link to masterlist

those who've known you often claimed that you were the nicest person they've ever met. you were modest and liked to say that everyone could be nice if they really tried, but in reality you were nice 100% of the time.

this came in handy whenever you had to settle disputes with family or friends, or when you were trying to talk to someone you liked. you were also a big extrovert and easily made new friends.

however, you were facing the challenge of trying to befriend your coworker, severus snape.

snape wasn't very social and didn't have a lot of friends; a lot of the students didn't like him and he was alone most of the time. you often did random acts of kindness for him, even if it was something as simple as letting him know that he dropped something or helping him clean up a mess that he made.

you and snape hardly exchanged more than five words with each other, but you were determined to become his friend and help him break out of his shell. you didn't like hearing students constantly belittling him and calling him all sorts of mean names.

you offered to help snape put together one of his lesson plans one day in an attempt to get closer to him. he seemed very standoffish and didn't say much for a while, simply focusing on his work.

"you know, you really don't have to help me," he quietly told you. you looked up from your notebook, raising your eyebrows.

"of course i do," you smiled at him. "it's the right thing to do."

"but why would you want to help someone like me?" he defensively asked you. "i'm not worthy of any help, according to the insolent little students here."

you sighed and put your notebook down on his desk. "severus, you shouldn't value the opinions of students so much. their words don't matter, you should know th-"

"well i don't know that!" snape suddenly snapped, causing you to flinch. "everyone in this school would rather have me sacked than continue being here, okay? i don't need your help or kindness or anything from you!"

you shrunk a little in your seat, your stomach sinking as your face flushed red. you bit your lip before hesitantly replying, "i...i don't understand. why do you hate me so much?"

snape cringed at your words. "i don't hate you, y/n. i'm just very used to people treating me like shit," he sighed loudly. "i'm not used to kindness, so it's a very strange feeling to me."

you frowned and slowly placed a hand on his arm, causing anape to tense up. "i didn't know that you felt that way...i'm so sorry, severus. i don't really know you that well, but i can assure you that no one, let alone you, deserve to be treated like shit. I just really enjoying being kind to others and wanted to be your friend."

snape's expression slightly softened. "you want to be my friend?" he asked you, sounding half shocked and half grateful. "even though practically everyone here hates me?"

"of course i do, and just because others hate you doesn't mean that i will," you gently explained to him. "i want to show you what it's like to be treated fairly because you deserve it."

snape smiled a little at you and nodded. "thank you, y/n. i appreciate that. i'm sorry for snapping at you."

"it's alright, trust me," you replied. "i've been told way worse."

snape shyly looked away before mumbling, "it'll be nice to finally have a friend who won't hurt me."

"and it'll be nice to make you feel good about yourself," you told snape. "you're really not as bad as others say you are."

snape's smile widened, not saying anything as he was feeling too flustered. instead, he just nodded at you and continued to smile as the two of you resumed your work.

deep down, snape was very grateful that someone was wanting to be his friend. he already had a feeling that you'd grow to mean a lot to him as time went on, and he couldn't wait to have a friend after so long.

[miqojak]

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @dragonsongmakhali and @thefreelanceangel (thanks! I get around to tagged things eventually, lmao)

This isn't in any particular order, they're just in whatever order they came to mind! I'll also note that I've never really understood the concept of 'being in a fandom'? I just...like the thing? So I guess this is more like "A handful of my all time favorite characters, many of whom went on to inspire me to write similar OCs whether I realized it at the time or not." Anyways, I wax verbose on this, so...buckle up, and thanks ahead of time if you decide to read it all!

I'll go through my recent notifications to tag some folks who've interacted lately (also thanks, I've been very ill and out of it for what feels like months now...) @ashenbun, @the-sycophant, @eorzeanflowers, @iron-sparrow, @briar-ffxiv, @merlwybs-wife, @sundered-souls, @superbolided, @ahollowgrave

1. Harley Quinn, Batman

What's not to love? She's quirky, she's (incredibly) smart, she's bi, and she's just one of many female characters I love for being flawed, but better for it! She's dealing with mental illness, and feels like only this one person understands her - and having been wrapped around a narcissist's finger before? I get it. You don't realize they're a piece of shit until...one day you do, or one day your friends get through to you that this is unhealthy, and you're not really yourself around this person. I love that she gets to be her own character these days, and live her own life, and do what she wants to do (when she figures that out) - I actually love that she works more and more with the Batfam in recent material because...she was never a villain. She's always been chaotic neutral! She changed who she was for the Joker, and was always miserable and mistreated no matter how hard she tried to be exactly who and what he wanted (a mewling servant) - and more often than not, even when she did what she thought he wanted, he still punished and humiliated her (like when she almost killed Batman). Bruce has LONG been on Harley's side, and long tried to talk some sense into her...but I think they'd been 'at odds' for too long for his words to get through to her, and it took the initial mutual compassion (and eventual love) shared between her and Pamela for someone's 'get the fuck out' speech to finally sink in. And now she's a fully realized character/woman with her own goals, her own personality, her own style... and if people don't like that she can do crime AND do good stuff alongside the Batfam? They can fuck off - at least, I imagine she'd say that, tbh. It's her choice - she never wanted what the Joker wanted. She just wanted him to notice her. Now she can act on her whims, and live in the moment and live up to her fullest potential! (Plus, while I'm not Jewish, I love that she is! At least in most iterations that I've seen.)

I think 'hurt people hurt people' is another good tagline for her - because the instant she's shown real compassion...be it from Bruce-outside-the-suit, or Poison Ivy? You can see her heart. You can see the sweet, and loving person she is under all the performing...or 'masking', you might say. The tragic clown doesn't need your laughter... they need your compassion. They need you to listen.

2. Mackayla Lane, The Fever Series (I've read this series at least 6 times, and recommend you read it, too!)

Mackayla is a self-centered, pink-loving, girly-girl who doesn't think heavy thoughts - she likes to sunbathe, paint her nails, and enjoy lazy southern days by the pool, when she's not working part time as a bartender. Until her sister is murdered on a trip abroad, and in her fervor to find out what happened - and why it feels like nothing is being done about it - she picks up and goes to Ireland in search of clues her own damn self...and finds out about this whole hidden legacy of the Sidhe, Sidhe-Seers, and why/how she and her sister are tied into this world. It's such an emotional journey! She evolves into someone different a few times throughout this journey of grief, self-discovery, and...eventually, love. She learns to be more introspective, to be more aware of those around her, to look deeper in herself for strength, so as to never be a damsel in distress again - she fights furiously for a sister we never get to see alive. (and I love a good story about a character central to the plot who is dead before the story even begins, tbh.) She goes from someone I'd roll my eyes at, to someone I'd look up to, instead. She learns to be fierce, but not to lose her compassion in doing so. She learns to fight for not just herself, but others. She suffers, and it breaks her for a time - but she comes out of it stronger for it. She doesn't let it hold her down, anymore - she can't afford to, doesn't want to...she wants to fight back.

I love character development, and she's got it in spades...and that's not even touching on all the OTHER amazing characters around her in this series. Also, if you like a spicy slow-burn, this is it. 'Begrudging allies to lovers' is how I'd term it, I suppose. (I still long for a high production value show of this series...especially bc it would appeal to all kinds of people - it even goes post-apocalyptic later on! But not for the usual reasons.)

3. Margo Hanson, The Magicians (The show, not the books, for once)

Feminist icon without being 'cringe' about it - and has a line I love, later on, about how her father told her she could be anything she wanted...until she wanted to be those things. Suddenly, the world wanted her to pick - you can't be strong AND womanly; 'you can't have both,' they told her. And she said 'Fuck You', and did it anyways. She is impossibly strong, but even she feels deeply on the inside. She rarely, if ever, lets it show how heavy the weight of the world is...she just shoulders on, and does the things no one else will do. She stands up for what's right, and now and then she fucks things up, too...because she's only human. But she's never apologetic about who she is. She lives out loud, owns her body, owns her opinions, and the rest of the world better get the fuck out of her way, because she's got a witty one-liner...and a gun.

He's an alcoholic/addict, he's a wet rag, and he's basically the world's best occultist... whether you love him or hate him. (I love bisexuals getting the spotlight in media, so it's nice that he's that, too!) He's a rat bastard who's just trying to get by in a world that's chewed him up and spit him out time and time again - he drinks the pain away, he chases death, and...despite his best efforts, he lives. Because anytime he actually comes close to death, he realizes that it's all worth fighting for, actually - even if he always falls off the path again. Notably, neither he nor Harley Quinn were really supposed to be longstanding characters...and now they're both fully fleshed out people, and a couple of my favorites! I like that he's complex, mentally ill, and still tries to do what's right, most of the time. But the world pushes his hand, and something's got to give, and unfortunately it's usually the people around him who end up paying the price...which doesn't mean that he doesn't carry that guilt for the rest of his life, mind you. But the world itself was saved! ...though he'll never not regret the harm it causes the few people he lets close, and how it then causes so many others to avoid him like the plague, as they assume he's just a shit who will sacrifice his friends at the drop of a hat. He's the reluctant savior. The...anti-hero? I'm not even sure that's right, because he does want to do good. He just... does some fucked up things to achieve that good, because there's often genuinely no other way - and no one else has the fortitude or the know-how to do it but him. So he'll carry that load, so others don't have to. He'll smoke it away, drink it away...anything he has to, to quiet the guilt, and shame of saving the world from the shadows...never being thanked for it, because he doesn't fly around in spandex, or drive a fancy animal-themed car.

4. John Constantine, Hellblazer/DC Comics (An anti-hero I love, a rare bi-disaster MAN in media, and my favorite occultist/wizardy person in fiction, I think...besides Margo.)

Also, his Hellblazer comics are very politically left leaning and he shits on Tories and racists and homophobia, etc. He might hide his pain in ways that make him seem like a piece of shit, but at heart he knows what's right, and that his fellow man deserves better. (Also, it's implied that he slept with/dated King Shark...you go, king.)

5. Dracula, Bram Stoker's Dracula and Castlevania (first the game, then the show) I was obsessed with the book even as a kid, and when I saw the most iconic scene in a video game ever, I was in love with his Castlevania counterpart, too.

Not much else to add to this one - I just think he's cool! I love vampires! I love Mina, as well, for all the strength she shows in the face of almost-certain-doom...but I love a good villain, and Dracula is the perfect villain. Also, it turns out the whole book might just have been one big, gay metaphor from a man in the closet! That's pretty cool to find out, after all these years. I do love the backstory from the film of him being SO IN LOVE with his wife that he cursed God and just...became a vampire. Because 'I fought in your crusades and you let the woman I love kill herself? Fuck you, I'm just never going to die. Now I'll kill all your beloved humans!' Castlevania's backstory is similar enough that I enjoy both iterations of it - a man driven to madness by love, and loss...and in Castlevania, it's not even his FAULT he keeps getting summoned back, which is where this scene below even comes from, which kinda cracks me up. He specifically points out what pieces of shit humans are...they say they hate him, but it's humans who always summon him back to do THEIR dirty work.

6. Taimi, Guild Wars 2

When you first meet her, she's a bobble headed child prodigy, even among the incredibly intelligent race of Asura, with big hair and an even bigger pink bow on her head - who has a terminal illness, and a physical disability from it that makes it hard for her to walk...but it never stops her. Not even once. Commander might be a badass, but they'd be nothing without Taimi's vast intelligence saving the world time and again - and you almost have to watch her die! She loses her favorite mech, which is both a walking apparatus and her best friend, and goes on to lose her best friend/love interest...and the pain never breaks her. She's a literal child, a teen/young adult by current story - and the endurance and compassion and strength she shows are just...making me emotional to even write about. And while she's still alive in story at present (and they've aged her up over time!)... we discussed with her not that long ago in story how she is dying - and she feels the pressure to get as much done as she can before that day. But one day, she won't be with us anymore...and despite all the people that Commander has lost? I'll never be ready to lose my little rat-daughter.

Go play Guild Wars 2.

7. Jaina, World of Warcraft

You meet her as a young woman, in Warcraft - an idealist who believes in peace, and stands against the open, and blatant racism against the Orcs, and the Horde. She strives for this peace so hard that she allows her own father to be executed - and for years, she stands with the Horde, and speaks on their behalf and fights for peace...until those same people go out of their way to not just screw her over, but almost kill one of the only family members she has who accepts her, and steal an ancient artifact that could basically just wipe out the Alliance much like the bomb that was used to wipe out the whole city she was in charge of. She suffers from the guilt of not trying harder to help Arthas. She suffers so...so much guilt, for so many things. She isn't perfect, and she has acted out of hurt, and rage at times - but she grows, and learns, and becomes this whole person comprised of beautiful flaws and complexities. I know what it's like to have your friends betray you, and want to burn it all down. I know what it's like, to need years to come to terms with that hurt. I know the pain of years and years of guilt and self-loathing and 'what-if's'. Jaina has become an amazing woman who has helped people, hurt people, and learned both difficult, and beautiful lessons along the way, to become an ultimately better person who still believes in the rights of all people...just with less of that youthful naivete that got her so hurt and blindsided.

8. Ahsoka, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I put off watching Clone Wars, and thought I wouldn't like how they worked Ahsoka in...and boy was I ever wrong. Finally, at long last, there's a female character who is given as thorough a Jedi treatment as Luke, or Anakin...if not better! I love analyzing the 'family lineage' of which Jedi mentors which, and it's a bit funny how Qui-Gon was a rule-breaker paired with Obi-Wan-the-rule-lover...and then he ended up with a padawan even more about going against the grain, because Qui-Gon was supposed to have 'raised' Anakin, himself - then Anakin ends up with a Padawan in an attempt to teach him about how to move on from loss...because all padawans grow up and move on with their lives, one day - but he ended up with someone just as hard-headed and outspoken and out-going as him, and he got a taste of what it was like to be his master! All that said, Ahsoka grows and develops and learns hard lessons, and...grows up as a child soldier in a war the Jedi never should have been a part of, anyways - and (spoilers) when she goes on to be wrongfully accused of a crime by the Jedi Council...they try to walk it back later by saying 'oh this was clearly a test by the Force and you've passed, hooray promotion'. Ahsoka is having none of it. It's hypocrisy. It's a lie. They can't put their own pride aside, and admit that they were wrong! And why would she want to be a part of an organization like that? That's not a promotion at all. Now she'd be just like them, and that leaves a sour taste in her mouth. (Not to mention other hypocritical things she notices throughout the series.) She goes on to learn to live in balance - not all emotions are bad. It's not about complete eradication of emotion, but learning which ones to cultivate, and which ones to set aside and think on. She learns what the elder (extremist) Jedi will not - balance. She becomes better than all those who came before...even Yoda, who is in her Jedi-family-lineage; he admits that the Jedi are blinded by their arrogance, but he's among them! I love everything about her story...so far, at least. I've got yet more catching up to do with Rebels and the Ahsoka show.

9. Asajj Ventress, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Honestly, I like her for a lot of the reasons I like Ahsoka - they're like two sides of a coin, and I think she even says this to Ahsoka later in the series. But Asajj suffered immensely early in life, and lost two father figures (even if one of them was her kidnapper) - to include a Jedi Knight who was briefly her Master, before he was slain in battle. She was picked up by Count Dooku, and had her pain and hate stoked like a fire...and in time he betrayed her, as well. And still...she went on to be resilient, strong, smart, and a master in her own fields of stealth and assassination. She learned hard lessons, and learned to think for herself - she learned that she didn't need any of those men who had come before, in her life...she only needed herself. Her own wits. Her own strength. Her own intelligence. Much like Ahsoka, she broke away from what others tried to mold her into, and became her own woman... whether people liked who she became, or not.

She's a badass. Watch Clone Wars. Read her books.

10. Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Does this one need a reason? She's an imperfect badass, too! She's a lot like Mac, mentioned earlier - she's girly, but not always. Sometimes it concerns her what people might think of that - being feminine, but strong - but she learns to embrace her strength and ferocity and role in the supernatural world... although not without bucking against the system just like Ahsoka and Ventress do - she makes it her own. She plays by her rules, not the Council's, not her Watcher's...and when she does so selfishly, and screws up, she learns a hard lesson about the wisdom and input of your friends and family, and considering how your choices affect those around you. She decides she will not be a dog on a leash for the Council (maybe she was some inspiration for Ahsoka...) - she's here to do two things: look fly, and kick monster ass. Oh yeah - and empower other young women to do the same.

Honorable mentions for Spike (from Buffy), Lucifer (from the self-titled show), Aurene (GW2), Eliot Waugh (The Magicians), Catra (SPOP)

You'll no doubt note that pretty much all the women on the list are people who suffered immensely/were wronged and eventually grew stronger for that, and overcame both the situation and their own flaws...I love a bitch who can overcome both her own flaws, and the world itself being against her!

[alj4890]

Making it Believable

(Prince Emerick Rhys x Juliet Nevrakis-Walker) in a Choices The Royal Romance *While We're Young AU* drabble

Thirty Kisses in Thirty Days Challenge with the prompt: kissing to pretend that you are in a relationship together.

A/N It's been a long time since I've written for this pair. I've had a lot of anonymous requests for more for these two which I've tried to keep up with occasional drabbles. When I saw this kiss prompt, I knew it was made for them and their fake dating relationship happening in the few drabbles since the series went on hiatus (which we will get back to soon). I'd also promised @lodberg another glimpse into their evolving relationship. Here they are doing something I know you've been anxious for. 😉

@lodberg ​​ @hopefulmoonobject ​​ @vickypoochoices ​​ @zaffrenotes ​​   @mynameiskaylabella ​​ @museofbooks ​​ @elbenmond ​​  @gibbles82 ​​  @krsnlove ​ @twinkleallnight @tessa-liam @hopelessromantic1352

Rating: G for fluff

Masterlist

"This is a disaster!"

Juliet stormed into the crown prince's chambers and slammed down a stack of magazines on his desk.

"Lady Juliet," Emerick quipped while leaning back in his desk chair, "always a pleasure to see you."

She glared at him. "I don't have time for your ridiculous charm." She pointed at the magazines. "Just look at what they're writing about us!"

He did as commanded, scanning each cover that had a picture of them together. Many of the headlines questioned whether or not their relationship was going to lead to marriage.

Then there were those that were comparing what they were like in previous relationships to the one they supposedly were in.

"I knew it was too good to be true." Juliet flopped across his couch. "After all our hard work to keep you free from marriage proposals and me from annoying noblemen, the people finally realize we aren't really together."

Emerick stroked his jaw while flipping through some of the articles. He studied the pictures of the two of them together that were lined up with them and their exes.

He grimaced somewhat at all the images of himself kissing various women. Juliet's past wasn't much better, but at least she maintained a relationship longer than he did.

"Say something!" She demanded when he remained in silent study.

"We have two options." Emerick declared.

She sat up on her elbows and cocked an eyebrow in question.

"One, we simply ignore this and let the people believe the actual truth about us being only friends."

"Or?" She prodded when he hesitated.

"Or we make it believable the next time we are caught by the press."

"And by believable you mean...?"

"We kiss, Jules." He stated in an even, nonchalant tone.

Juliet sputtered. "Excuse me?"

"Come now." He got to his feet. "We're both adults who have had experience. It isn't like we're teenagers who've never had a kiss in their lives."

Juliet simply stared at him with her jaw dropped.

"What?" He asked.

"I can't believe you're serious!" She shouted. "Emerick, you're...well...you're you!"

He rolled his eyes. "And?"

"And you're talking about kissing me. ME!" She shook her head. "This fake dating was supposed to save us headaches not cause more of them."

"What's worse?" He stopped her from turning away from him. "Kissing me, a man you've known since infancy, one you trust, a friend;" he stressed, "or being mauled by one of the many noblemen who want a connection with Lythikos?"

"Geez, must you put it like that?" She folded her arms.

"It's the same for me." He reminded her. "It's either kissing you for one picture or being hounded by women hoping to become a princess."

Juliet mulled it over.

Emerick knew he'd won when her head dropped back.

"Fine! I'll kiss you."

"You don't have to make it sound like a chore." He teased, winking at her. "I know some ladies who can vouch for my kisses being a rather pleasant experience."

Her eyes narrowed.

"I don't care if you have a thousand ladies vouch for your kisses." She huffed in irritation. "It's still weird."

"Why?"

"Because we've known each other forever." She snapped. "You're best friends with my brother!"

"So? You're best friends with mine." He countered. "And that whole knowing each other forever bit doesn't really matter."

"Why doesn't it?"

"Look at Nicky and Jackson." He pointed out with a cheeky grin. "They grew up together and clearly have no problem kissing each other.

Juliet closed her eyes and counted to twenty to try and control her temper.

"My brother and Nicky are in love. We are not."

Emerick shrugged as if that was neither here nor there.

Juliet's fists clenched. She might not feel like kissing him but she certainly felt like punching him in his stupid, ridiculously handsome face.

"Look," he tried to reason, "we've had some fun on our," he made quotation marks with his fingers, "dates, haven't we?"

She reluctantly nodded. As much as she wished she could deny it, Juliet really did enjoy her dates with the prince.

"This one kiss isn't going to change anything between us, Jules." He promised. "We do it, make certain the press takes all the necessary pictures, and we can then resume our normal time together fooling the masses."

Juliet ran a hand through her red hair.

"You're right." She mumbled.

"What was that?" He leaned his ear towards her. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I said you're right!" She snapped.

Emerick placed his hand over his heart.

"My lady, I am overcome." He dropped to one knee before her and pressed her hand to his lips. "To hear such a sweet declaration from you, it is all I have ever hoped for."

Despite wanting to remain irritated with him, Juliet began to laugh at his overly dramatic teasing.

Emerick beamed at her for being such a good sport throughout these months of subterfuge.

"So when are we doing this?" She asked.

"Whenever you wish." He sat back down behind his desk to check his schedule. "We have a ball at Ramsford in two weeks. There's the dinner with the Chamber of Commerce next Friday. Then--"

"I think we should get it over with as soon as possible." She decided.

Emerick looked up at her in surprise. Was the notion of kissing him that disgusting to her?

Juliet's cheeks heated with a touch of color. "If we put it off, I'm going to be more nervous about it."

Emerick didn't think he could be any more shocked than he was hearing her say something like that. Juliet was a young woman who never got nervous. She had enough of the Nevrakis confidence in her mixed with the Walker's not caring what anyone else thought persona that was simply Jules.

She was typically unflappable in any situation. Her quick, dry wit intermingled with her fiery temper to keep others from daring to say anything cutting to her. She was respected and feared amongst many members of the Royal Court.

He'd come to depend on that these last few months. Though she could drive him crazy at times, he appreciated those personality quirks of hers along with her logical, no nonsense way of thinking. She had surprisingly become a person whose advice he readily sought.

He saw the type of noble she was becoming. Her loyalty and steadfast nature came from both her parents and he couldn't be more grateful to have it for himself.

Of all his friends though, he was surprised how much he had come to enjoy every moment with her. Even their arguments left him feeling energized. There was something about her that he...

Emerick stopped that train of thought.

He did wonder why a simple kiss had the power to make her nervous.

Juliet hated admitting to such a weakness in front of him. She knew it sounded ridiculous. Goodness knows, she'd never been one to try and tame her passionate nature. Emerick had even been one of her friends who'd caught her in more than one embrace with different men over the years.

But the thought of kissing him...

She didn't know what to think about the feelings that particular notion stirred within her. No man frustrated her nor made her laugh quite like Emerick did. He never stepped back from going toe to toe with her, nor was he cowed like many of the other nobles when she was angry.

He was infuriating with how charming he could be. His flirtatious nature had been with him since birth. It was effortless on his part and she realized through her time spent one on one with him that it was typically used to put one at ease.

Though many assumed he was carefree, she'd come to see the more serious side to his personality. She knew how much he valued his family and their close knit group of friends, but she was also catching glimpses into the type of king he would one day become.

She admired him and was usually proud of the decisions and arguments he made in terms of their country. She would have no problem respecting him as her king once Uncle Liam stepped down from the throne.

She did worry though over the thought of some woman coming along and trapping Emerick in a marriage. Like his father, the prince possessed a tender heart. He'd never stepped back when someone was in need. Once he cared about someone or an issue, he threw himself into it with everything he had.

He needed to be protected. She now understood why her father had remained by Liam's side until he met Riley. She realized that it was up to her to be that for Emerick. She knew her brother, Jackson, felt the same way about the prince but he was a little caught up with Lady Nicky Beaumont to give all his free time to this endeavor.

Which might explain why she didn't put up much of a fight when Emerick suggested they do this fake dating for the social season.

At least that's what it was in the beginning...

Juliet put a stop to her wayward thoughts. She was not going to join the ranks of hundreds of women enamored with the crown prince.

But this kiss...what if she...if he...

She got to her feet.

"Let's go out tonight or tomorrow."

Emerick slowly nodded. "If that's what you wish."

"It is." She lowered her eyes. "Something casual. I don't think we need to kiss at some court event."

Emerick's brow furrowed as he observed her.

She really is nervous.

"How about tomorrow afternoon?" He offered.

"Sounds good." She stumbled to his door. "I'll see you for lunch then."

Before he could say another word, she hurried out of his room.

**************

The spring day had turned chilly and damp. Emerick and Juliet thought that was the perfect setting to make the kiss more believable. It wouldn't look staged now, especially since they weren't supposed to be posing for the press at an event.

The two walked through the capital, hand in hand, as they made their way to an outdoor cafe they were known to frequent. Other than the palace guards following at a respectable distance, the two basically had the sidewalk to themselves.

Emerick decided during a night of tossing and turning in bed, that it would be best to catch Juliet off guard with the kiss. He worried that if he forewarned her about when it would happen, she would be even more nervous and the kiss wouldn't appear authentic.

She was already clutching his hand and arm. He didn't know if the occasional trembles he felt were from the cold breeze or from her nerves.

Once the two were seated at a patio table and had their orders placed, he reached over and took her hand once more.

He could hear the clicks of cameras from some not so well hidden paparazzi.

Juliet smiled at him, squeezing his hand.

He held her gaze as he lifted their clasped hands to his lips.

Emerick could feel her tense at the touch she'd felt many times throughout the years.

"Jules." He said softly.

She lowered her eyes to his mouth.

He leaned forward and slipped his hand into her hair, tugging her forward as he pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

He was doing fine maintaining what was going to be a simple kiss until she reached up and cupped his cheek.

Her lips parted under his allowing him to deepen the kiss. He could taste the beginning of her fiery nature as her tongue caressed his.

Her husky moan took him by surprise as she pulled him closer to her.

They barely pulled apart to catch their breaths, before he dipped back down, sucking her bottom lip.

Her breath hitched, a flash of her green eyes met his blue before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Her mouth slanted over his, drawing him back into another passionate kiss.

Emerick nearly yanked her into his lap. If not for their waiter, clearing his throat, their kiss would most likely still be going. And where it would have led, startled them both.

"Emerick?" She whispered. "Stop staring at me like that."

Juliet knew she was looking at him just like he was her, as if seeing each other for the first time.

He lowered his eyes and quickly picked up his glass of water. He hoped as he gulped it down that it would cool the desire he felt for her in that kiss.

Emerick made the mistake of glancing at her again. He saw the slight redness around her mouth where his stubble had rubbed against her porcelain skin. The sight brought on another flash of heat over his body.

Juliet's eyes drifted back to his mouth as she sipped her own ice water. She was tempted to put the glass to her cheeks as she thought of how it felt being kissed by him. It made her want to do it again.

No wonder he said he had numerous ladies who could vouch for his kisses, she thought to herself.

"Well," Emerick tried to joke to break the tension, "I think we managed to make our relationship believable."

Her lips curved a touch proudly.

"Yeah, I think we did."

Their eyes met while smiles formed on their faces.

"Was it as dreadful as you thought it would be?" He whispered.

Emerick expected her to tease him about being a bad kisser.

Juliet instead lowered her eyes to his mouth once more.

"On the contrary," she lifted her water glass as if she was about to offer a toast, "I didn't find it dreadful at all."

Emerick tapped his glass against hers.

With a wink, he said.

"Neither did I."

[fan-art-ic]

What do I do? Where do I go? I hate what we do to the Palestinians, last war I've cried myself to sleep thinking about Palestinian mothers who've lost their children. Do I have to leave? Nowhere else feels like home. Nowhere else do they speak my language. A dead language we've brought back to life. But maybe I have to leave because it's the right thing to do. I don't know. I'm trying, I'm getting my degree so I can apply for citizenship somewhere else, do I deserve to get killed in the meantime? You say I do. We aren't a conquering force sent by Europe, you have to understand that. We're refugees ourselves. And this doesn't justify all the pain and horror we've brought upon the Palestinians, but you have to understand there's nowhere for us to "go back" to, my grandparents are from Iraq, I will be killed there. The others are from the increasingly antisemitic Poland, and it's not like either country would give me citizenship.

On Saturday they broke into houses, and sprayed everyone inside with bullets. Houses they didn't manage to break into they burned down, leaving the families inside the choice to either burn alive or get out and be shot down. The internet is flooded with final texts that end with I love you or stop abruptly. By those families, by those kids you don't care about at the music festival, texting their parents. I still don't know how many of them go to university with me. There are videos of bodies being mutilated, of kidnapped girls being stripped naked. People are recognizing their loved ones in those videos.

If I can cry for Palestinians, who I have been raised to see as my enemies, can't you, can't all those people online show the slightest bit of remorse for us? Can't all those who are outright gleeful at least show the slightest bit of restraint? So many of us fight for a better government, call for a two state solution, are we evil for wanting to stay in our home, just like the Palestinians do? What if we don't have a way to leave even if we wanted? I'm not asking you to feel sorry for us, I really don't. I'm just asking if you honestly, truly think this is right and just, only because it's happening to people who were born in Israel.

I do feel sorry and remorse for you, it's not your fault your government is an occupational regime on stolen land. That's not something that you are to blame for, individually. And I was perhaps pretty crass on that one post, I'll admit. The thing is, you say you cry for the Palestinians. So I can stand with you. There are plenty of young Israelis who are fighting back on the Palestinian side because they have reflected and recognized that neutrality is complicity is giving into shiny duplexes built on burnt villages. I think there is a difference between the Israelis who, for example, have made watch parties out of bombing Palestinians, and then Israelis such as yourself, im assuming, who are disgusted and heart broken by the violence everywhere.

I have no generalized sympathy for the concert goers, like I said. I have individual sympathy and hope that the people killed are found to be laid to rest and the injured are healed, but one thing that is absolutely sticking to me is the fact there was a concert at all. That on one side of a barrier there is inhumane suffering and on the other there is fun and laughter.

One thing with the Land Back movement in the USA, which I don't know all the intricacies of, is that a lot of white people mistakenly believe they will be treated the exact same way their ancestors slaughtered the Natives. But no its just about returning land stewardship and returning human rights and protections to a people who have been subjugated and harassed and forced to flee their homes for hundreds of years. If Israel suddenly stopped, and said, okay you win Palestine, there wouldn't suddenly be a mass exodus of Israelis. There would be relief and hooe and life and a fostering of good ties and trying to re build homes and shops and communities. Palestinians could move back home and the Israelis, whose government allowed them to steal it, could be given a new place to live somewhere there wasn't a village terminated to make room for

And I have gotten a tiny bit off topic from your message. i want to touch on the "on Saturday they broke into houses and sprayed everyone with bullets". I understand that is terrifying, that you and perhaps others who were killed would have been amenable to talking and peace. One thing however, is that it's the Israel government who started this war, so it is THEIR FAULT for every single death that continues to stack, Palestinian and Israeli both.

THIS IS THE GOVERNMENTS FAULT

What do you do? Where do you go? Talk to your family and see if they also believe in Palestinian freedom. Talk to your friends. There literally is an iconic tweet of a swiftie refusing to join the idf and going to jail for a few months. THAT is the courage you need. For every single person that has been stripped, mutilated, raped, tortured, and murdered, Israeli and Palestinian both, there is one single cause behind it and that is the Israel governments plan to eradicate all signs of Palestinian existence.

I honestly wish you well and hope you stay safe, you sound like a good egg, if really emotionally wounded and terrified. I want you to take all your pain, and rage, and fury, and scream yourself hoarse. Now more than ever, your people are going through an extraordinary transformation of no longer being protected from the war waged next door. You have to get out there, you have to tell everyone that you believe that your country is an apartheid that it must change to include Palestine and every Palestinian as equals.

Your absolutely correct, there are huge waves of antisemitism rocketing across the globe. It makes sense to love the place you live because you have the freedom of your culture and your language and your people. But the freedom of culture, language, and people is being stripped raw and bleeding from Palestinians and has been from the past 50 years. The solution to antisemitism isn't to huddle up and bunker down on top of graveyards it's to actively combat it everywhere you go. Which is exactly why the Palestinians are doing this right now, they can't just hope one day their voice will be heard because it never will be. They must snatch Israel's ear off its head reclaim their homes. I'm CERTAIN there are places Jewish communities fleeing Europe could have gone in Palestine to be safe and free. You know, considering that region is insanely religiously old. The people who founded Israel in conjunction with the British government did not have to raze ground to be safe!

I don't know where I'm going with this. Thank you for sending me a message, I hope any of this makes sense, and once again I'm a white USAmerican so if it sounds like I'm talking out my ass I apologize. I hope you take care

[dayseternal-blog]

Fic Author Self Rec! When you get this reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, or some snippets from upcoming WIPS. Let’s spread the self-love! Love ya and thank you for all you do!! 💖

:D my 5 favorite fics that I've written?? okay.

"It's No Secret" - Hinata returns to Konoha after 5 years studying abroad in the Moon Kingdom. She just wants to enjoy her last year of high school as a normal girl, but blossoming love forces her to confront her future. (Rated M). - My baby fish. A high school AU for which I was really trying all different kinds of things and making all kinds of mistakes, finding my writing style. As a fanfic writer newbie, I felt so free to do whatever I wanted! Every scene for me was gripping, and I was so immersed in the world I was trying to create. It has an original, lengthy plot that I still hope to finish one day!!! I love this fic just because it was so instrumental to helping me improve. It's definitely NOT my best work, but from the first chapter to the most recently published chapter, my growth in writing is so apparent. All of the comments I got on it, even the ones that criticized, were encouraging for me and I cherish those readers who've followed my fics since then 💞

"Nightdreams" - Naruto and Hinata find comfort in each other after the war. (Rated E). - The easiest multi-chapter fic to write. Ever. Since then, I've never had quite as much fun writing a fic (I think Catskin came close). Certainly never as easy a time. "Nightdreams" had its moments of growth for me for sure, though, like the mission chapter, the argument chapter, all of the smut! It had its challenges, but the story flowed so easily, from beginning to end. I think there were only a couple of small writer's blocks. Overall, "Nightdreams" easily takes fave #2 just because it was so fun, and I think readers can tell that I really enjoyed writing it.

"Awkward Jocks" - She knows that if he were to ever ask her out, she would accept in a heartbeat. After all, he's the star quarterback and basketball player. Plus, she's liked him since...forever. But when her home phone rings, and he's on the other line, she hangs up. (Rated G). - The sweet and funny love story based off of my ex-coworker's life...bittersweet now, don't remember if I shared on Tumblr why. But I wrote this fic full of my love for her, so it takes the spot for fave #3.

"About You" - A summer job at the Dole pineapple cannery, graveyard shift 10 PM to 6 AM. A long bus ride into and out of town. Two teens, shy beside each other. (Rated G). - One of my most personal fanfics, though many of them are super personal. This is possibly the MOST personal because it's slightly based off of my parents' stories, I set it on my home island, and I experimented with writing the dialogue in pidgin. The only reason it's not higher on my list is because I somehow feel like I didn't do as good a job on it as I would have liked. It's like, the cultural/historical details are not accurate enough for me. But this is definitely a fic I wrote for myself, and it's been a joy to see other people love it, too.

"Matcha" from "Shared Vows" - Naruto calls Hiashi "father" for the first time. (Rated T). - ooooh it was a toss-up between this one or "Finally Home" from "Shared Vows," but I decided on "Matcha" as my fave #5. I love how I framed this fic, its ending reversing the beginning, and I somehow managed to communicate exactly what I wanted to say about Naruto's new family. This fic gives me such feel-good vibes, and I'm so glad it captured the feelings I felt.

I know that my personal faves do not align with readers' personal faves. Except for maybe "Nightdreams" haha. That one is easy to love. I know people loved "White Lilies," "Friend of Mine," "Tell Me of Forevers," and "Undercover," ...those exhibit some of my best technical writing, so I'm glad readers recognized that effort! My personal faves have more sentimental value, I guess, so that's what makes them special to me.

[hypnolordx]

Big Announcement!

Hey everybody, hope you're all doing well.

Hoo boy this announcement's gonna be a big one for me, since I'm not usually the type to spill all my guts. To be honest even as I write it, I still feel slightly nervous about sharing it, but I'll give it my best shot and because this is my server, I decided I'd do this here first! (Sorry in advance, if this gets long)

Sooooooooooo...I've been teasing this "SECRET THING" I've been working on since the start of this year, and I've kep things vague because I wanted to get good enough to the point where I could show off what I've been doing with confidence. Maybe not perfected, but enough to show the results and be proud to some degree.

@everyone Hey everybody, hope you're all doing well.

Hoo boy this announcement's gonna be a big one for me, since I'm not usually the type to spill all my guts. To be honest even as I write it, I still feel slightly nervous about sharing it, but I'll give it my best shot and because this is my server, I decided I'd do this here first! (Sorry in advance, if this gets long)

Sooooooooooo…I've been teasing this "SECRET THING" I've been working on since the start of this year, and I've kep things vague because I wanted to get good enough to the point where I could show off what I've been doing with confidence. Maybe not perfected, but enough to show the results and be proud to some degree.

Well, after months of hyping it up, I think it's finally time to show off a little sample of just what I've been trying and continue to develop…and here it is!

So uh...yeah, I'm drawing stuff now, though I feel I need t explain what led me here.

I've been doing hypno art stuff for a while, ever since I started messing around in kisekae and making those multi-part images that were definitely rough around the edges by my standards now, and it's hard to believe sometimes that I've come so far. Sometimes I forget how much I interact with those I've been following for a long time on a more regular basis and just how many talented people are now in my orbit, honestly pretty amazing. At the same time, it's also made me realize some things I think I always knew about myself and my work, but never really confronted until recently.

Now some of you who've followed me long enough know I used to draw a long time ago, but stopped. I used to have a different art profile (not hypno-related mind you) and everything, but it didn't take off and the comments I got from the people around me, on and offline, on how my drawing looked were...eh...not great, so I kind of just gave up and moved on. It wasn't till later when I discovered kisekae and the rest is history. I even turned the "I got two left hands when it comes to drawing" thing into a joke to laugh it off.

Since then, I've kind of become a jack of all trades without even realizing it between all the manips, written works, and 3D stuff. I never really thought too hard about that, I always just enjoyed making things.

So it's fair to say I've dipped my toes into a lot of different mediums over the years. That being said, it's hard to call some of those distinctly "me".

For a while now I've been feeling like I've been missing something in my artwork, and it's become hard to not see the walls of limitations in each medium I've worked in (save for maybe writing, but that's not the point), which hampers just what I can make and how well I can make it.

For kisekae it's the perspective and what can and can't be done with it, for manips it's dependent on whatever screenshot I can find to work with, while 3D stuff expanded what I can do I still feel limited in what I can do with it (either do to the limits of what characters/objects/set pieces I have access to), and it feels like I don't always have that freedom of creativity some other artists have. The crazy part though, I kinda realized I was the one who put those walls up myself.

After being in such close proximity with so many artists and seeing all the cool stuff they've made, say they want to make, or even just tiny little trend/meme stuff they do, that feeling that my work has been lacking something only grew and I started to feel this sense of imposter syndrome, like I didn't fully earn the praise I got because I was over reliant on what I was using in order to keep up. That by comparison to everyone else, my work was becoming static, less interesting, even quantity over quality.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe that the work I've put into the bulk of my art is lazy per se, nor am I saying people who do kisekae, manips, or use 3D models (whether they made those or not) are either, for example I've seen tons of kisekae artists besides myself push the boundaries of what kisekae can do and I think that's incredible. Though I personally feel like I don't really have much room left to grow in it and that can make things feel like they're getting stagnant, so for a while it felt like I was just constantly trying to outdo myself but not getting the results I wanted.

There has been times where I release something and I look at it and go "Man, I wish I could've done this better..." and something I'm more proud of right next to it, and then I see the former blow up in popularity and I just sit there like "...okay but why though?", and that's been a hard feeling to escape.

Then there was that whole debacle when I came out and said, "I don't like AI Art, I'm against it completely, and I side with the artists who're having their works stolen to teach it.", to which a chunk of commenters responses boiled down to: "Um, actually, you don't even draw/you use kisekae/you do etc., so therefore your opinion on AI Art is invalid and you're a hypocrite for speaking out!"

I don't believe doing kisekae or manips is the same as AI Art for a pretty simple reason, a person still has to put in the effort and creativity to make it and make it good, so that comparison is bogus, so that comparison made me mad how many excuses I was hearing from those who just didn't want to put in the effort to actually make something...it's almost like if someone really wanted to, they could pick up a pencil and actually...I don't know...draw? Well...funny story about that.

So I was working on a manip one day (I think it was the Zom 100 Shizuka one?) and for that one I was learning how to edit in a line of drool for that image and I had a tutorial on drawing in liquid that I was following along with in additions to the usual eye edit...and suddenly I stopped and started to think to myself"Wait, what am I doing right now? ...I'm putting something into this image that wasn't there before by hand and from scratch...wait a second, I'M DRAWING!!!" and sure, it was a different kind of drawing, but it was drawing. Before when the subject came up, I'd always just shut it down because I thought I wasn't good enough to get back into it, but I realized in that moment that if I could do that, why couldn't I do more. Not just the eyes here or a detail there edited into a preexisting image, but why not an entire thing made from just my two hands? It sorta sparked something in me I didn't think was still there. And so, starting at the tail end of last year, I sat down with a beat-up old pencil in one hand and got to practice on a tiny note pad and I've been doing so almost every day since. (Now with mechanical pencils and an actual sketchbook XD) So to wrap this whole thing up is, yeah this is a thing I do now.

I'm not stopping with working with my other mediums right now, I don't have plans to quit those at this time, but I will say that in time I hope that this will become the main body of my work, which is part of the reason why I reduced the amount of output since these obviously take much more time than the kisekae and manips.

I'm not perfect, I'd be lying if I said I have mastered anything just yet, but I am trying my best, improving and getting better with each new step I take.

So for now, I'm just going to keep sketching and try to develop this skill. It will take time before I can make full art pieces, comics, or even do commissions regularly I think eventually I can.

So thanks for reading and I hope you join me on the rest of this journey I got going here! ^^