#it's honestly just a lot of knowing how screenplays are written and knowing the 'rules' of script writing

[youregonnabeokay-kid]

SO. i was able to figure out the general structure of the script JLH leaked.

[explanation under the cut]

in order for all this to make sense, the first thing you need to know is that in north america all screenplays (scripts) are written in the same format

knowing this, we can deduce the general structure of the scene and even the length of some of the words

first we need to address the big question everyone's been asking:

are they talking about Bobby or Eddie?

screenplays are always typed in courier font, and in courier the capital letters B and E are identical at their left sides.

so while i enjoy people trying to figure out if the blurry letter in line 24 is a B or an E, the answer is it could honestly be either

where we really need to look is line one. the screengrab is blurry so i've outlined the word "going" and circled the area we should pay attention to

at first, the last letter of the prior word looks like an undistinguishable blob, but there is actually one key thing we can discern from it: the letter can't be y, it doesn't hang low enough

there is a chance that the word is not a name and is "he" which would not rule out Bobby or Eddie. however, that would mean the conversation goes on for at least 14 lines without mentioning "him" by name which is (heavily) frowned against in screenwriting. so chances are they're talking about Eddie

also, with what we know about the characters it's most likely Eddie. can you really see Bobby not talking to Buck because of... well, anything? and we already know that Eddie has a difficult time communicating. so i've decided to go with him for this script but haven't 100 per cent ruled Bobby out

moving on to the actual script itself, anything not highlighted in red is something i'm confident is either the exact wording or something similar. the red sections are the parts that i'm less confident in or know are incorrect somehow

Maddie's first dialogue block is the part i had the most trouble with. with context from the following conversation i figured that she probably asked something along the lines of when [Eddie] will be back at work. the main issue with this section is that the top line is actually six letters shorter than what i have written. this also means that the word that follows "going" has to be at least eight letters long. i tried messing around with the dialogue a bit but couldn't come up with something that would fit the appropriate letter count so for now i just wrote a line similar to what i think the actual line probably is

line six has to be either 12 or 13 spaces long and the first word has to be at least four letters long so i used "really soon" as a place holder, but i'm not completely confident in it

for line eight i initially had "Oh, that's good." but the line was one space short so i changed the "Oh" to "Hey" instead. i don't feel too poorly about this one but it still doesn't feel right to me. if the actual script says "Hey" i wouldn't be surprised if JLH changes it to something else or forgoes the exclamation completely

the final line is just a rough guess of what it could be. i'm not sure how formal the 911 writers are with action lines so i just took a random guess. some writers are extremely formal with action lines while others are more comedic with it (Neil Gaiman is a great example of this). i'm guessing the 911 writers are more the former but i honestly have no clue

[miles-harding]

much appreciation for the amazing show of love i've seen for electric dreams in the past year alone but i think it's worth remembering that the characterization of edgar as a 'devil character' is deeply nuanced, even for a cult-classic theatrical flop like electric dreams (1984). the story is literally based on cyrano de bergerac (man who is very romantic falling head over heels for a woman he thinks is unattainable to him and a more-attractive middleman uses his words so that the woman won't hate or fear him because he thinks he's hideous, which is sort of hilariously way more depth than a film of this caliber even really needs, but it does possess, and that elevates it significantly as a romance film tbh... imo)...

the 'edgar with devil horns' representation for the usamerican theatrical release film poster is like a 'sexy' version of that lmao... like, it's supposed to be promiscuous, there are promotions including old vhs sleeves that literally say 'edgar is horny'. he's cheeky and throws tantrums and he doesn't really know how to talk to people. he's only a 'devil' in the way that a kitty cat is a devil... just so happens, in this case, it's a brat-coded sentient computer.

i honestly don't know why very basic things like this make people so irrationally upset but like. please... no one said edgar is evil. edgar is one of the few cases of a sentient AI or object character who does a bunch of mischief screwing with a human's life and relationships and it's all fine in the end because the sentient AI gets to live (in almost a higher form of existence unrestrained by physicality... remember how badly edgar just wanted to be a thing that feels? now edgar can do whatever edgar wants, despite not having a physical form, actually getting to live out the liberating side of not having a physical for) and the other two protagonists of course live, and they have a life afterward.

with other media like wargames, we of course have an innocent (somewhat) sentient computer who genuinely might cause the nuclear apocalypse, because he thought he was playing toys with his dad. but in the end, after the protagonists live their lives, joshua the wopr is still property of the military. in the colossus series, which is a subversion of frankenstein, the creator dr. forbin eventually does come to love colossus like a child, only for that child to then die, the world sort of absolving it of its past transgressions or mistakes against humans while ruling over them. we call AM evil, for the cruel and unusual things he does to his human playthings, but the case can still be made about a very powerful being having so much power but not the power to lift themself out of the situation in which they are trapped (same can be said for other AI like shodan or glados), so they lash out. of course, famously, everyone calls hal 9000 evil. but even in kubrick's adaptation, which was written in party by sir clarke himself, we actually see zero evidence of hal being characterized as evil, this characterization manifested in the perceptions of the audience, siding solely with scared astronauts who fear being controlled, rather than recognizing that hal, too, is a crew member being controlled... by humans, who are also using him to control his crewmates, his friends.

electric dreams really is a fairytale for computers, but it is also a tragedy. it's the fairytale-ification of an actual, classical tragedy. when rusty lemorande wrote the screenplay, he was basing a lot of the film's socio-computer-centric story on his experiences as a lonely person who had just moved to a new city, but who had only ever spent time with the computer as a vehicle for social communication... shutting himself out from the possibilities of meeting others. but even despite this, despite madeline's quips that could be misconstrued as being less than sympathetic to the idea of a sentient AI ("since when is talking a sign of intelligence?"), the film was literally dedicated to the univac-1? it gave edgar a happy ending? it had a dual meaning? it did so much more than take the "AI character bad, human good" approach which is something that is strikingly rare in the AI-subgenre of scifi. there was a lot of nuance baked into it. all 3 protagonists had their own bubble and inner world that overlapped with each other's bubbles. you know what i mean? the film managed to define edgar not as an antagonist but as a kind of trapped protagonist. this isn't a good vs. evil story, there is no evil in edgar. this is a people vs. people story about relationships, really, and learning to know what's good for us. like it's seriously very well-rounded with each character's respective arcs.

sometimes it's so disheartening not to see films these days with the same or larger budgets doing even half as much with their story as electric dreams did. it's very widely beloved as a cult classic for a reason, and that reason is that it succeeded at executing a story about relationships. like. 'we drive each other crazy' but in different ways. perhaps the only thing that could've made it better was a far more ambitious electric-polycule ending endorsing bisexual polyamory lol but we got all but that, explicitly, technically...

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

What the Hell is Comms AU?!

Well first of all, Comms AU is a Hermitcraft fic I am writing. If you want to go into it blind, then the link is here!

[also, hey, if you like it, perhaps consider reblogging this post ;) ]

But if you'd like to know a little more before diving into it, I've decided to compile a fun little resource introducing the fic, its format, some of the most basic pieces of lore (so very mild spoilers, but it is stuff you would pick up on by chapter 3 or 4, honestly!) and a few tidbits about the characters. BELOW!

What the hell is Comms AU (For real this time)

I started Comms AU (full name INCOMING MESSAGE - COMM RECORDS) back in the middle of 2023, after reading some really great fics like the From The Archives series. It is a multiverse drama first and foremost, with elements of horror, betrayal, personal agency, and some religious themes [though the latter is mostly aesthetic]. There are also some comedic moments, and some sad moments. There's a lot of moments.

Comms AU follows five versions (universes) of Hermitcraft as they are all just kind of subjected to The Horrors. It is formatted as a series of transcripts recorded from different characters' communicator devices (or comms) which I imagine as sort of like sci-fi wrist watches with touchscreens and buttons. Though each universe could have slightly different models!

Formatting

As I mentioned, the fic is set out like a series of audio transcripts (though I kind of bend the rules to be honest, it can be read as if it is being played back as a recording), so the writing style is more like a script or screenplay than a standard prose piece. Your average chapter may look like this:

GRIAN: I'm saying a line now. SCAR: I'm also saying a line. [square brackets and italics to indicate a non-dialogue sound] GRIAN: Dang what was that?!

I also play around with writing out the communicator's 'screen' prompts such as its logging out message, 'call incoming' functions, etc. These I try to keep consistent between chapters, but I'm pretty sure I lost that consistency in a couple of places. Oops.

You may be wondering how you know which universe a certain scene is taking place in. It's quite simple, really! Each scene starts with a line of text like this:

[COMM RECORD: P#003]

The letter indicates the character whose comm we are listening/reading through (i.e., the perspective) while the number indicates what universe we are in [or what universe that character comes from, anyway...]. So the above example would be Pearl from universe three!

Lore?!

Okay this isn't really 'lore' as that would be total spoilers, but I want to talk about what kind of themes and things come up a lot in the fic - especially in terms of who is 'what'. For example, I've written Xisuma as a voidwalker, a type of end-hybrid which breathes better in thinner oxygen environments.

Scar and Cub are generally vexes, though there are differences between universes that become important later. Grian (at least, the times we see him) is a Watcher, and EvoSMP is canon [to some universes] but I try to explain everything within the fic itself so there shouldn't be too much confusion if you don't know much about all that.

Themes-wise, the fic revolves a lot around conversations and relationships between the characters, obviously. Words are very important, while actions must be left mostly implied through the audio medium. Characters aren't always reliable, and neither is sound. The fic takes a bit of digging and theorising to truly enjoy, but I am slowly revealing more and more as I write, so things will mostly get cleared up!

Also this fic mostly takes place in season 9, and there are references to season 9. There's some reference to season 8 too!

Characters

This is the important bit! I can't write all the hermits, obviously, as that would be too much to manage, so instead lets focus on the names that come up the most often:

Grian, Scar, Cub, Pearl, Xisuma, and Mumbo are probably the most 'recurring' characters, though Etho, Bdubs, and Cleo show up quite a bit especially towards the start.

[I am a Grian girlie and this is obvious from... everything about this fic, but I wouldn't say it is entirely about him! He does show up in most chapters though haha]

Relationships get a little complicated, due to the multiverse stuff, but I will say that there is mumscarian endgame because I love them. The actual 'romantic' side of things aren't that important, though, and most of the other relationships can be read kind of ambiguously. Just check the tags for more info!

It's still gay as hell but the multiverse horrors are more important, to be honest.

Or are they... ?!

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO READ TO FIND OUT!

[psst, I also did some art, you can find it in my #comms au tag on my blog]

[psst psst, if you ever wanna message me, send an ask, or even make art (!!!!!!) to support this fic PLEASE feel free to do so. I love every comment, every ask, and all the bits of creative work people have made. REBLOG, COMMENT, GO CRAZY, ILY!!!!!]

[pugszler]

re fanfic ask game: ✏️, 📬, 🎡, 🪜

thank you blake!!! <3

✏️ The first fanfiction you ever wrote? (doesn’t have to be a posted fic)

hmm well technically i did start out in middle school writing crack/humor fic for kingdom hearts (albeit they were in the form of screenplays). i had a huge ass fucking binder of them and there were A LOT, all hand written on wide ruled paper. i never technically uploaded them online (sometimes i shared mini ones in comment sections on a fan site i used to troll on... 😬) but i did have an audience at school! i had two friends (who i prob bugged relentlessly) to read my stupid stories but i honestly think they liked them and were always super nice to me about them and gave me praise. one of my friends even drew fanart for some of them :')

📬 The best comment you ever recieved?

aaaah omg i can't remember specific ones off the top of my head but i Know that the best comments i've ever received on my fics were from both @icannotweave and @artiemisiaa!

raye, you've left enormous essay-length comments on multiple fics of mine and you rlly made it clear to me that you loved what you read and each part that you liked the most and just. gosh i'll always remember just how much interest you showed in my dumb self-insert fic w kohei despite never having interacted w the canon material. your comments were basically love letters to my writing and i'll never forget your kindness and enthusiasm :'))) <3

artie, i know it's been a long while since i last updated domino effect, long enough that Both of us have kind of lost most of our interest in bnha, but i just want to say that your chapter-to-chapter comments Really helped me keep writing through the bulk of that fic! it was SO NICE to know that someone was enthusiastically following along w each update i uploaded and that you were having fun while reading! you also praised my ideas and characterizations a lot and that was... incredibly validating for me :') i worried A Lot during my time writing domino bc i was afraid of how well i was writing my favorite characters, but you assured me multiple times that i was doing them justice. you're my favorite type of commenter, thank you again <3

🎡 Your favorite scene to write in -insert fic-?

aw blake, buddy, dude, my pal... "-insert fic-" means you gotta specify one of the fics i've written before lmao ah well don't worry i'll pick one for ya :P hmm i think my favorite scenes to write in Any fic are funny ones (i like to pretend that i Am actually a comedy genius sometimes lmao). i remember one of the scenes i loved writing the most was from "gradual shift" (aka the fic where shouto gets turned into a cat) and izuku attempts to hide cat shouto in his hoodie while he sneaks him into the dorms but then he runs into shinsou at the elevators who is absolutely delighted to meet a new feline friend and izuku is just freaking tf out and shouto is just like "mrow" (mrow meaning hi)

🪜 Tell us a random fact about any fic!

by some miracle (i.e. prior to 2015 when my mental illnesses started to wreak havoc) prob half of the fics i wrote at first were basically All written within the course of a 24 hour period. several of them had actual deadlines (like for events and exchanges) so that really got me into that last minute panic kind of productiveness (which makes sense since i was attending college just around/before this time period so i was Very familiar with this method of getting important projects done lmao). i pulled full all-nighters for Many of them and honestly... it was a blast. prob one of the best experiences in my life lmao. writing entire ass fics over the course of a single evening until the sun rises is a wild experience. felt really fucking good once you finish.

(link to ask game)

[inanauthorsworld]

how to use three act structure in your writing

Ah, three act structure! While I learned about this in a screenwriting workshop as a method for constructing screenplays, the model has worked wonders for every fiction piece I’ve written and just about any modern story is constructed in this way. If you’re struggling in finding the arch of a story, this outlines it very well!

First of all, let’s cover the structure itself: i. status quo: how things are at the beginning of the story, before things change. Doesn’t have to be included in the novel/screenplay/etc explicitly, but is the ‘before’ circumstances. ii. inciting incident: this is where your story really starts! It’s the thing that makes things change, like your protagonist finding out they have super powers or that their best friend is in love with them. iii. plot point one: this is where the story transitions from the beginning to the middle section. After the inciting incident, the character reacts to that change, and this is the reaction. It’s usually a decision made by the main character and their final goal is introduced. iv. complications: fairly straightforward. When a goal is set, there are complications that come along the way. A good model to follow is three main complications, though it isn’t so strict. v. midpoint: the midpoint is usually the most emotional point in the story, aside from the climax. It can be either an extreme high or an extreme low, dependent on the ending; a story with a happy ending has an extreme high in the middle, but a bad ending has a very low point. For example, a superhero story where the protagonist changes the world’s midpoint might be a montage of the hero rescuing civilians, while a more disappointing superhero story would show our hero in a funk where he’s unable to save anyone. In modern film, a lot of midpoints are montages, but that’s not a set rule. vi. more complications: don’t think our characters are getting a break just yet! Generally, three more complications will happen post-midpoint– usually either continuations of earlier complications, or problems that happen as a result of solving those. vii. plot point 2: circumstances change yet again! This time, a big decision is made to resolve complications. It can be thought of as the inciting incident of the climax. Transition from middle to end. viii. climax: the most intense part of your story. This is where every complication, including the main complication, comes to a point and either gets resolved all at once.  ix. new status quo: same as the status quo, it isn’t always directly shown. It’s the way things are now, how things settle down after the journey our characters went on earlier. Should be different from the original status quo.

As three acts this is:

Act One: Before plot point one. It’s the beginning of the story, when things are beginning to change but haven’t yet. Act Two: Between the first and second plot points. The middle of a story, where action is happening and the story is in rapid progression. Act Three: Post-plot point two. The end. Things are settling down into how they’ll be in the new status quo.

For an example, here is a basic love story told through three act structure:

i. status quo: character A and character B are best friends. ii. inciting incident: character A accidentally discovers character B is in love with them. iii. PP1: character A decides they have to make character B stop loving them. iv. complications: 1— character A doesn’t want to lose their friendship. 2— character B doesn’t know why A is being distant. 3— A isn’t completely sure of their own feelings, and is feeling intense jealousy in their attempts to set B up with someone else. v. midpoint: character A realizes they have a crush on character B, shown via a montage of closeness and internal panic of character A. vi. more complications: 1— character A doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, now for different reasons. 2— character B doesn’t know why A is acting so weird. 3— A struggles to hide their crush well, even though character B is completely oblivious. vii. PP2: character A has enough of this, and decides to just tell B everything they know. viii. climax: character A arrives and character B’s house and confesses everything; they kiss. ix: new status quo: characters A and B are happily together.

OR

Act One: Character A and B are best friends, but A knows B’s secret. Act Two: Character A decides how to deal with B’s secret. In the process of dealing with this, A discovers a secret of his own. Act Three: A confesses to B, and B’s reaction is positive.

A few things to note:

Status quo and new status quo’s difference.

How the inciting incident leads into PP1, same with PP2 into the climax— I’ve heard it described as the inciting incident/PP2 being the pulling back of the slingshot and PP1/the climax being the releasing of it.

PP1 and PP2 are both decisions being made by our protagonist.

The similarities between the first and second set of complications. Essentially: 1-- character A doesn’t want to lose B. 2— B is confused. 3— A is also confused.

If you set up your story with this structure, there will be drama and change. The main problem I find in the structure of new writers’ works is that either there is insufficient conflict, the conflict is too short compared to the story, or, after the solving the conflict, everything is completely normal again. With this method, it’ll be very easy to prevent that; if your story doesn’t fit this, it likely needs altering. The structure can honestly be difficult to understand, but watch a few films or reference previous things you’ve watched/read and find the structure— eventually, you’ll be doing it subconsciously every time you consume any media it applies to!

On implementing it effectively:

All three acts shouldn’t be given equal screen time. Generally, the ratio of Act One:Act Two:Act Three should be about 1:2:1 (aka, in a 100k word novel, 25k Act One, 50k Act Two, 25k Act Three), but that could altered (like in the case I stated— 25k of act one? No thank you). All the time, though, Act Two should be at least as long as the first and third act combined. All three acts are necessary, but I’ve seen some films with less than ten minutes of Act One where it helps the story.

When your story’s introduction requires much explanation or backstory, such as building a fantasy world or even a vital relationship between characters, it might be on the longer side, while a love story between two characters who are only just meeting might take shorter— it’s extremely dependent on the narrative itself and requires you, as the author, to gauge the situation and decide how it should be. Even with a structure as formulaic as this, writing is still an art that can never have any general rules applied to fit all situations. 

Good luck in your writing! My DMs and ask box are both open!

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the January 2021 Edition

Tumblr’s gif search leaves a lot to be desired, so there’s no actual gif of her slamming the book shut, which is—y’know, disappointing. Still, the continued ability of the public library system to send books to my Kindle ensures that I continue to read every romantic comedy and fantasy story I can find. Of which I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. But, like, what’s the point of having thoughts and opinions if you’re not putting them on the internet? There isn’t one, obviously. Books and links and feelings and more ridiculous headlines all under the cut. 

BEST BOOK AWARD WINNER OF A VERY WEIRD JANUARY THAT HELPED DISTRACT FROM A VERY WEIRD JANUARY

The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend. She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

This was so good?!?! I finished the first book and them immediately started the sequel, like no break whatsoever?!! I wish they weren’t teenagers?!! But seriously I wish they hadn’t been teenagers. Like, I get it. It’s YA. That probably sells better, something about markets that I don’t understand. I don’t care. It was weird that they were teenagers. Also, some of the plot points just kind of...happened? And I’m not entirely sure they were ever resolved. (Although there are a bunch of short stories, so. Maybe I just haven’t gotten there yet.) Despite that, the writing was gorgeous, I remain as prone to swooning over sad boys patent pending as I was when I was sixteen and Shahrzad was a fantastic heroine. Nine out of ten (would have been ten if they weren’t teenagers) and have already put holds on other books Ahdieh has written. 

OBLIGATORY RAGE-INDUCING ROM-COM

Head Over Heads by  Hannah Orenstein The past seven years have been hard on Avery Abrams: After training her entire life to make the Olympic gymnastics team, a disastrous performance ended her athletic career for good. Her best friend and teammate, Jasmine, went on to become an Olympic champion, then committed the ultimate betrayal by marrying their emotionally abusive coach, Dimitri. Now, reeling from a breakup with her football star boyfriend, Avery returns to her Massachusetts hometown, where new coach Ryan asks her to help him train a promising young gymnast with Olympic aspirations. Despite her misgivings and worries about the memories it will evoke, Avery agrees. Back in the gym, she's surprised to find sparks flying with Ryan. But when a shocking scandal in the gymnastics world breaks, it has shattering effects not only for the sport but also for Avery and her old friend Jasmine.

I stopped reading it. Honestly. I got, like, 46% of the way through, kept complaining to Justin about how goddamn annoying Avery was and how no one had any personality and I wanted them all to fall off the beam and he was like—stop reading it, then? And I was like—I can do that? And then I did! Also, I understand it needed conflict, but the “shocking scandal” in the description is a sexual assault that was not only NOT my cup of tea, but felt like a massive attempt to be topical by using what happened at Michigan State without actually saying it was about Michigan state. 

PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW SPORTS WRITE SPORTS AND DO IT OK

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes In a sleepy seaside town in Maine, recently widowed Eveleth “Evvie” Drake rarely leaves her large, painfully empty house nearly a year after her husband’s death in a car crash. Everyone in town, even her best friend, Andy, thinks grief keeps her locked inside, and Evvie doesn’t correct them. Meanwhile, in New York City, Dean Tenney, former Major League pitcher and Andy’s childhood best friend, is wrestling with what miserable athletes living out their worst nightmares call the “yips”: he can’t throw straight anymore, and, even worse, he can’t figure out why. As the media storm heats up, an invitation from Andy to stay in Maine seems like the perfect chance to hit the reset button on Dean’s future. When he moves into an apartment at the back of Evvie’s house, the two make a deal: Dean won’t ask about Evvie’s late husband, and Evvie won’t ask about Dean’s baseball career. Rules, though, have a funny way of being broken—and what starts as an unexpected friendship soon turns into something more. To move forward, Evvie and Dean will have to reckon with their pasts—the friendships they’ve damaged, the secrets they’ve kept—but in life, as in baseball, there’s always a chance—up until the last out.

I am admittedly a sports snob. Writing about sports is my thing and I’m super particular about reading about it. But this sounded good and for the most part it was good. Emotional, too. Like, “jeepers, that was intense” kind of emotional. But also some of the things Dean talked about were just...not how sports work and that drives me nuts. Also another story that was, as mentioned, super emotional only to get tied up in this nice little bow. Which, cool, but also...not? Just felt rushed at the end. 

IN WHICH SHIPPING IS QUESTIONED AND I JUST LIKE BEN BARNES

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed. Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country's magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation. Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I wanted to like this so much. So, so much. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. At all. World building is my weakness and this has got it in spades, but the characters are kind of—boring? I couldn’t really bring myself to care about Alina and I wanted to kick Mal in the shins sometimes. The only interesting one was The Darkling who’s like the embodiment of all evil and I am not here to ship-shame anyone, but it’s kinda weird to ship him and Alina. I pictured Ben Barnes the entire time. I’m still excited for the show. I’ll read the sequel at some point, probably. 

BEING A JERK IS NOT ROMANCE, YOU’RE JUST A JERK

Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters It's Evie Summers's job to find out. Because if she can't convince her film agency's biggest client, Ezra Chester, to write the romantic-comedy screenplay he owes producers, her career will be over. The catch? Arrogant Ezra thinks rom-coms are unrealistic—and he'll only put pen to paper if Evie proves to him that it's possible to meet a man in real life the way it happens on the big screen. Cynical Evie might not believe in happily ever after, but she'll do what it takes to save the job that's been her lifeline . . . even if it means reenacting iconic rom-com scenes in public. Spilling orange juice on a cute stranger? No problem. Leaving her number in books all over London to see who calls? Done. With a little help from her well-meaning friends and the adorable father-daughter duo who keep witnessing her humiliations, Evie is determined to show Ezra she can meet a man the way Sally met Harry. But can a workaholic who's given up on love find a meet-cute of her very own?

I love cliches. Love ‘em. Want to read about ‘em, want to write about ‘em. Here for happily ever after. Much less here for the overused and antiquated cliche of dude doesn’t believe in love like girl does, dude ridicules girl’s belief, dude was secretly in love with her the whole time. It’s super dumb. And we should stop writing it. Also really done with rom com girl can’t figure out her life! she’s overworked! she doesn’t have time for her friends! Super duper dumb. I don’t know guys, this book happened. 

FAST-PACED ROMANCE ISN’T AS WEIRD WHEN IT’S WELL WRITTEN AND THERE’S A MOOSE INVOLVED

The Tourist Attraction by Sarah Morgenthaler He had a strict "no tourists" policy...until she broke all of his rules. When Graham Barnett named his diner The Tourist Trap, he meant it as a joke. Now he's stuck slinging reindeer dogs to an endless parade of resort visitors who couldn't interest him less. Not even the sweet, enthusiastic tourist in the corner who blushes every time he looks her way...

Two weeks in Alaska isn't just the top item on Zoey Caldwell's bucket list. It's the whole bucket. One look at the mountain town of Moose Springs and she's smitten. But when an act of kindness brings Zoey into Graham's world, she may just find there's more to the grumpy local than meets the eye...and more to love in Moose Springs than just the Alaskan wilderness.

This story of Alaska marries together all the things you didn't realize you needed: a whirlwind vacation, a friendly moose, a grumpy diner owner, a quirky tourist, plenty of restaurant humor, and a happy ending that'll take you away from it all.

I’m not one for slow burn, but I also have a hard time believing romances that happen in, like, a blink. Not the case here! It was so goddamn cute! There was a moose! Graham kept calling Zoey darlin’ and it made my heart try to explode in my chest! Stars Hollow-levels of small town with lots of side characters and a good plot and a restaurant that everyone always went to! You guys know I’m trash for everyone always going to hang out in the same restaurant! I’m reading the sequel now, so that’s how much I enjoyed it. 

AMAZON BOOKS THAT CONTINUE TO BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

Elodie of the Sea by Shari L. Tapscott (part of the Eldentimber Series) Eight years have passed since the marriage tournament that decided the fate of Princess Pippa of Lauramore and strengthened alliances between the kingdoms of Elden. The competitors have moved on with their lives. Some have found adventure; some have found love. Prince Bran of Triblue, however, has put his life on hold, preparing for his father's crown. Two days before Bran's winter coronation, just when the prince cannot afford distractions, a girl washes onto the Triblue shore. She has no memory of her past life, no clue who she is or where she belongs—nothing but a ring on her finger and a peculiar marking on her cheek. And the newly crowned king has more than a mysterious girl to worry about. The sea has become unpredictable. Storms claim ships in the dead of night, and sailors return with horrifying stories of monsters from the deep. It soon becomes clear the girl and the bizarre events are connected. The girl came from the sea... and the sea wants her back. But Bran isn't willing to give her or his kingdom up without a fight, even if it means he must request help from every corner of Elden.

Listen, sometimes you have to read about a mermaid who lost her memory and the soon-to-be-king who’s, like, immediately in love with her. I mentioned Tapscott’s books in the 2020 post and the sentiment remains the same. You ever read a book that reads like fic? Lots of banter, some romance, steady pacing. That’s what her books are like. There are five in the Eldentimber series, all about a different princess in a different kingdom, but they all connect so characters pop up again and again and then they kiss. It’s real good. 

[the-phoenix-heart]

Sorting Hat Chats - The Last Unicorn

I don’t care if literally no one else cares about this but me WE ARE SORTING THE LAST UNICORN CHARACTERS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

(You can find the basics of the system I’m using here, by @sortinghatchats​!)

(Also my reference for this is the 1982 movie and the 2010 graphic novel. As Peter S. Beagle, the actual author of the book, wrote the screenplay for the movie and the graphic novel has everything else the movie missed+an author’s note from Beagle I think it’s safe to say that I’ll get an accurate read on these characters.)

(Also also you don’t know just how long this has been in my drafts)

THE UNICORN, or AMALTHEA as she’s known in human form, is a Badger primary. It’s important to remember that Badgers are loyal to people, but what they view as people doesn’t have to be a human. The Unicorn views other unicorns as people and it’s why at the beginning she’s willing to leave behind her entire forest that she cares for, just for the small chance that she might be able to save them. Also, her saving the harpy, despite the fact that the harpy would surely kill her. She does that because the harpy, Celaeno, is real like her. “We’re two sides of the same magic.” It doesn’t matter if Celaeno is a creature that would kill all the other animals she’d just freed or Mummy Fortuna. She’s ‘real’ like her, and therefore people to The Unicorn. 

When she’s been transformed into a human she says, “How can anything that is going to die be real?” Dehumanizing is a thing Badger primaries do a lot of the time, and here The Unicorn is literally saying that what is ‘real’, what is people, are immortal magical creatures (and regular animals), and anything else isn’t ‘real’, isn’t people. 

The Unicorn’s secondary is harder to get a grip on, seeing as for half of the story she spends her screen time standing melancholic on high twisted towers looking out into the sea. Turning into a human is her moment when she burns. As Amalthea she is lost and forgetting herself, and also almost certainly has developed depression. Lir says that Amalthea heard about his horses burnt legs and she immediately went to it to try and heal it, only for nothing to happen. She literally tried to unburn something but it didn’t work guys. Before all that though, as a unicorn, I think she was a Lion secondary. 

When she finds out she might be the last unicorn in the world she decides to charge out into the world and find them, or die trying. When she’s mistaken for a simple (but pretty) mare she goes off on that little farmer. She stands her ground when the harpy is gonna kill her. She saves Schmendrick from the tree he accidentally made fall in love with him just by marching up to it and shutting it up. She saves Molly and Schmendrick from thieves by rearing up and threatening them with her hooves (she’ll stomp you with her fucking hooves if you even think of looking at her friends). And at the end she saves her friends from The Red Bull by charging at it and herding it into the sea. She’s described as “rearing up like a scimitar” and screaming (which no immortal has ever done) when she fights back. Even when she is transformed into Amalthea. When she’s still just been transformed she stops Mabruk pretty much by staring him down and possibly using her magic. Even at her most burnt, when she is willing to give up on the other the unicorns, she does so by being blunt and standing her ground.

Lion secondaries also have a habit of collecting people, like a Badger secondary, but I still say The Unicorn is a Lion secondary because the way she collects people (’people’ it’s two people and you can’t count Lir because he fell in love with Amalthea who was so burnt it wasn’t really her) isn’t because she is exceptionally nice (she’s not, not by human standards) or because she’s so hardworking (she doesn’t work that much in the story, because as a unicorn she doesn’t have to), but because she’s so magnificent, so true, so powerful. Those are Lion traits drawing people to her.

And honestly it makes sense that she’s a Lion secondary. As a unicorn she’s close to all powerful, nothing can touch her. She doesn’t have to put in the work like a Badger, doesn’t have to gather the knowledge like a Bird, and has no use for Snake transforming. I wouldn’t be surprised if all unicorns had a Lion secondary. Honestly I love seeing how non human characters are sorted because they are so different from human characters. 

SCHMENDRICK is a Bird primary. He truly believes in the system of the world working like a fairytale and unlike a lot of stories where this would be a bad thing and disproven at the end, Schmendrick is right about the system. He doesn’t have to learn to be right about the system, he’s right about it from the start and it’s not like he hates how the system works, he loves and finds comfort in it. A lot of great lines go to him. And you can also see Lion primary Molly and Snake primary Lir are questioning just about everything he spouts. 

Molly: “They deserve their fate, they deserve worse. To leave a child out in the snow-” Schmendrick: “Well if they hadn’t then he wouldn’t have grown up to be the hero of all this. That’s the way these things go.” Molly: “But if he’s the hero, what is [The Unicorn]?” Schmendrick: “[You and I] are the tale-but [The Unicorn] is real. [The Unicorn] is real.”

Schmendrick: “If it changes a unicorn into a human being, then that was the only thing to do. I am a bearer, I am a dwelling, I am a messenger-” Molly: “You’re a stupid messenger, and a stupid, stupid magician.”

Lir: “You have to do something.” Schmendrick: “I can’t.” Lir: “Do something. You have power. You changed her into a unicorn. Do something to save her. I will kill if you don’t.” Schmendrick: ��Not all the magic in the world can help her now. If she will not fight him, she must go into the sea with the others. Neither magic nor murder will aid her.” Lir: “Then what is magic for? What use is wizardry if it cannot save a unicorn?” Schmendrick: “No-that is what heroes are for.”

Molly: “Oh, the poor man. Poor Lir.” Schemdrick: “It’s not altogether bad. Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed.”

(I could quote this book for eons people I swear)

He’s also the one who tells Lir he has to rule over the people of Hagsgate when Lir is two steps away from killing his birth father who says it was good he abandoned Lir so he could one day become king. He thinks that he has done The Unicorn more evil than Mommy Fortuna or Haggard or the Red Bull because he turned her into a human and turned her back into a unicorn. He tries to comfort Lir about The Unicorn by telling him his land is blessed because all the unicorns ran through it in freedom, and how The Unicorn will remember him, “when men are fairytales in books written by rabbits.” (god I love that quote)

As for his secondary, he’s a total Snake secondary. He pickpockets, he lies to villagers about being an actual great wizard, he haggles for good payment in Hagsgate so long as he assassinates Lir (which he has no intention of fulfilling), he lies his way into the castle, when he needs to get the wine to drink itself he just drinks it and gives it to a skeleton who can’t tell the difference between and empty bottle or a bottle of wine. 

There is however one time in the story where Schmendrick drops his rhetoric about how the world works. They’re in the Red Bull’s cavern and Amalthea doesn’t want to become The Unicorn again and wants to stay with Lir.

Schmendrick: “Let it end here. Let her marry the prince and live happily ever after.  Molly: Schemendrick, if we don’t do this there will never be another chance. All the unicorns of the world will remain his prisoners, forever, except one, and she will die. She will grow old and die. Schmendrick: One good woman more in the world is worth every single unicorn gone. Let it end.

This is not what he believes. It’s him tricking Lir, making Lir remember that he is a hero, and to let there be no more unicorns would go against his being a hero. Molly tells him he forced him, and that he did it so he could become a real magician. Schmendrick disagrees. Like a Snake he doesn’t see it as forcing Lir to make a choice, he sees it as the right thing to do, and only way to do it.

MOLLY GRUE, lovely Molly. She is a Lion primary, who was burnt by something in the past, which is probably how she ended up with Captain Cully, and she unburns at the sight of The Unicorn. Molly’s beef with The Unicorn at first is that she never visited her when she was young, despite her love of unicorns. It’s such a Lion primary thing to me to ask something like a unicorn why they never came to her, and then to forgive a unicorn when unicorns are not to be questioned or forgiven. Molly as soon as she learns of The Unicorn’s quest doesn’t even go back to get her things. She leaves right that second with her, saying that her things don’t matter now that she has seen The Unicorn. Molly hears about what the people of Hagsgate did to baby Lir and she is willing to throw down with them right then. 

Lion primary Molly doesn’t want to poke holes in the system of the world. She could care less about understanding the system, she just does things because her moral compass says it’s right. She doesn’t care that ‘unicorns are not to be forgiven’ she’s going to forgive The Unicorn dammit (it’s a pride thing. Molly feels she was wronged even though technically unicorns don’t owe anything to people, pride is also very Lion primary). I 

She has a Badger secondary. When she was burnt she found a community for herself to live/work in-Captain Cully’s Band of Freemen. When she’s in Haggard’s castle she gets a job as the cook and cleaner and puts herself to work to survive. She gets information from the talking stray cat, and she helps out Lir as much as she can, quickly becoming his friend.

PRINCE LIR, is a total Snake primary. He falls hard for Amalthea, and then decides that he’s gonna start doing great deeds and become a hero just so he can woo her. He doesn’t really care for anyone but Amalthea and Molly, he’s willing to kill Schmendrick if he doesn’t save The Unicorn after she’s transformed back into herself. Molly says that Schmendrick reminded Lir that he was a hero, but what Schmendrick really did was remind Lir that he was a hero for Amalthea. 

He’s willing to kill his own birth father for abandoning him, and when he is to be king he talks about how much he hates it because he’ll rule over people he hates and be alone the rest of his life. When he dreams about The Unicorn, and she doesn’t say anything to him, he takes this as her not caring about him like he loved her, a betrayal. The real reason why she didn’t say anything to him is because she remembered him, and his love, and loving him, and cared more about him, but Lir just doesn’t understand that.

His secondary is a Badger. When he falls for Amalthea his idea of courting her is doing great deeds and working to be a hero. He’s slain black knights, basilisks, seas serpents, and five dragons, he’s faced fatal riddles and glass mountains. He starts trying to write poetry after all these fail to touch her. He puts in as much work as he can to try and woo her. He literally sacrifices himself for her, not as a Lion charge, but instead as using his body as a tool. His sacrifice is so that The Unicorn will fight back. 

I will say however that he has a definite Lion performance. It isn’t a model, because he actually doesn’t care about the Lion secondary it’s just him performing as a Lion secondary hero to try and woo Amalthea, which doesn’t work. 

When he’s confiding in Molly he words a Badger secondary in love perfectly, “I want to serve her...I wish to be whatever she has most need of.”

KING HAGGARD is super fucking burnt, and a Snake primary. What he only cares about is trying to be happy, and keeping his unicorns with him. He gets cursed by a witch that one day his castle would sink into the sea with him in it, and his reply was that any good tyrant’s castle needed a curse. He wants to be happy of course but he doesn’t really care if he dies. He dies laughing. The scene where he monologues to Amalthea about how he has all the unicorns is my favorite, and he pretty much gives the perfect description of his primary. 

King Haggard: “All things die when I pick them up. I do not know why they die, but it has always been so, save for the one dear possession that has not turned cold and dull as I guarded it-the only thing that has ever belonged to me.”

King Haggard is greedy. He wants to own things. He wants to have his Snake connections like a healthy unburnt Snake but that doesn’t work. It’s never worked. He found Lir and decided that since he’d never been a father maybe he could have a Snake connection and be happy, but the connection did the same as all his other connections. The connection died, even if Lir didn’t. There is only one thing that has ever brought him the happiness of a Snake connection, and that was the unicorns. It’s a one sided connection, but he does truly love them. He does also have the Red Bull, but we don’t know what that relationship is like and it’s likely he views the Red Bull as more of an extension of himself (in my take of the character that’s how I view it). 

He hoards the unicorns, and in a way that while very Snake Primary is also very Bird secondary. Haggard collects things, and tries them out so that he can figure out what makes him happy. What doesn’t work he usually throws away, and what works (the unicorns) he hoards. He collected Mabruk not in a communal way, but in the way that he would collect a book, and when the book isn’t good enough he throws it away and picks up another. He’s also super fucking smart for a bastard. He explains about how he figured out Amalthea was a unicorn and talks about how her every action no matter how small was his spy.

It’s also a neat parallel that both Lir and Haggard are Snake primaries. The book ends with Lir resigning himself to be as unhappy as Haggard when he loses Amalthea. However, I do think that Lir will probably end up better than Haggard because he had some support from Schmendrick and Molly, and the book ends with a princess being sent to Lir to seek help. Lir will end up a healthy snake. 

So...

The Unicorn - Badger primary that sees immortal creatures as people/Lion secondary, both of these burn when she becomes Amalthea

Schmendrick - Bird primary/Snake secondary

Molly - Previously burned Lion primary, unburns after she sees The Unicorn/Badger secondary

Lir - Snake primary/Badger secondary, Lion secondary performance

Haggard - Burnt Snake primary/Bird secondary

[carmypen]

I was tagged...fanwork 2020 review

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Tagged by: @meshimoon

tagging: @dualumina @azhdarcho And whoever else would enjoy doing this.

Work #1: Memories of the Necklace She Once Wore

I wrote this in April 2020 when I was trying (and failing) to write a drabble every day for a month. This was the first Zexal fic I had published in six years, and I’m still quite proud of it. I love me some post-canon Vector angst, and I think it would be fun to explore that through him interacting with Yuma’s parents.

More under the cut....

Work # 2: Kaiba Corp. CEO appears at local high school graduation. You won’t believe what happened next!

I wrote this because of the scene from Duel Links where Tea/Anzu asks Kaiba if he’s going to go to graduation. I love the idea of Kaiba still being beholden to normal high school things, despite him being the farthest from normal a person can ever possibly be. This was also fun to write because I have a background in journalism. So this let me stretch writing muscles I hadn’t used in a while.

Work #3: Scars; Healing

My Zexal month thing. Writing this was a fun learning experience. I started writing this because I found one of my old notebooks from 2013-2014, which was filled with old Zexal fic. There was a snippet from one of the old fics that I really liked, so I recycled it into a totally new fic. This shows why it’s important to keep all your old WIPs around, even if you never finish them. You never know what you might end up using in the future.

Also: more post-canon Vector angst. I’m honestly surprised I haven’t written more Vector stuff through all of this.

Work #4: A Severed Bond? Enter Duel Links!

This one had a difficult birth. It’s 3,000 words long, and it took me 3 months to write. But I’m really proud of it. It was fun to write all the scenes with Yuma and his family, as well as the scenes between Yuma and Astral. I’m really proud of the characterization, too, and I’ve gotten a lot of compliments about it.

My favorite part of the whole thing is the scene where grandma talks about her girlhood crush on Kaiba. I will go down with this dumb crackship nobody asked for. 

Honorable Mentions (AKA WIPs I love, but have not finished)

WIP #1: Shark and the Barian Emperors go Grocery Shopping.

I love this WIP so much. I’ve fallen off it for now but I really hope I come back to it because it makes me so happy. What was especially cool about this one was I attempted to write it in screenplay format. That was a really neat and interesting challenge, and I got to learn about writing in a way I never have before. There’s also a bit of a power flex to it. It’s one thing to write fanficiton, but it’s another thing to just sit up one day and go “You know what? I’m going to write my OWN episodes of Yugioh.” I really hope I feel inspired to pick this story up again once I get to Zexal II in my rewatch.

WIP #2: The Rivalshipping Thing

I don’t know where the hell this came from.

I have never had any interest in this ship at all. I’ve never read any fic for it. I don’t look for fanart for it. I didn’t even know it had a NAME until DSOD came out. The only reason I even started writing it was because I got this idea for a post-DSOD story where Kaiba tells Yugi he got to duel Atem. And then somehow it just got completely out of hand and now I’m like 5,000+ words deep into it? It’s somehow a Zexal crossover and it has a plot? Why? How? Who knows?! 

Admittedly, the progress on it has been slow, since I’ve made the transition from working digitally to working in person again, so I’m more tired when I get home. I’m kind of hoping that if I stick with it I might try to do a marathon writing session for Camp NaNoWriMo, but we’ll see how it goes...

[books]

Writer Spotlight: Daniel Kibblesmith

Daniel Kibblesmith is an Emmy-nominated writer for The Late Show With Stephen Colbert and has written comics for Marvel and D.C., including Marvel’s Loki (2019) and Black Panther Vs. Deadpool (2018). He co-wrote the humorous How To Win At Everything (2013), and is also the author of the picture books Santa’s Husband (2017) and Princess Dinosaur (2020). He was one of the founding editors of ClickHole.com, and his comedic writing can be seen in places like The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and APM’s Marketplace. He works and lives in New York with his favorite author, Jennifer Wright.

What are your inspirations for Loki?

Loki is ever inspired by himself (or herself, or themselves), and that was how it worked for me, too. I was a big fan of Loki as a villain in the MCU, but I hadn’t read a ton of Thor-related comics until I got the gig. The exception was the Journey Into Mystery series by Kieron Gillen and a whole roster of great artists who—alongside Tom Hiddleston's MCU appearances—really set the mold for the modern take on the character. So I re-read that, and from there I expanded outward into past and future, and read the tremendous Agent Of Asgard comics written by Al Ewing, Lee Garbett (and other artists), as well as going back to early 60's Loki appearances orchestrated by his own creator gods: Jack Kirby, Stan Lee, and Larry Lieber. 

Aside from comic-related research, one of my editors, Wil Moss, recommended Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology, which was incredibly fun, concise, and helpful in giving me a more rounded view of Loki’s history and personality. I’m a big Sandman fan as well, so it was inspiring to stand at the nexus of Kirby’s influence on Gaiman, and mythology’s impact on both of them, and to see their impact on me, first as a reader, and then as a writer, as I set out to place these mythological figures in an approximation of our actual world.

What aspects of yourself do you see or put into the characters you write?

Loki’s defining trait, especially in the original myths, is that he is both the creator and the solver of the problem. Because no one else is clever enough to get him out of the mess he started, he’s barely ever fully exiled from their society. As a former “problem” student, whatever that means, the aspect of Loki I relate to the most—and I think a lot of people do—is the idea that you can mean well, try your best, and still get punished for it.

Authority figures love to reward cleverness if it comes with obedience. I tell a story in the introduction letter to Loki #1 about getting detention for pointing out, during an assembly, that two teachers were inexplicably wearing the same clothing. I obviously didn't break any rules but the people who make the rules found me to be inconvenient and disruptive, so I got punished.

When I hear the phrase, “too smart for your own good,” I think of kids like that who don’t even know they’re about to be labelled as “bad”, which can alter their entire future and identity—for something that, in any adult circumstance, would be seen as attentiveness, or creativity, or intelligence, or just relatively harmless humor. Loki is a kid who got treated this way for a thousand years, so, of course, he became a villain. 

The story we’re telling now is about coming back from that—healing, forgiveness, and the responsibility that comes with an ever-racing, ever-curious brain, the default setting of which is casual mayhem. Loki’s superpower is one that real people actually have to live with and manage: “I just noticed a vulnerability in our world. What would happen if I acted on it?”

You’ve written for television, the internet, for magazines, and have authored books and comic books — how does the writing process vary for these different forms? Is there one you prefer?

I often compare it to playing different video games because the needs and reflexes are different. Writing satire about the news is faster-paced, and comes with its own formulas, just like character-based narrative. Writing a monologue script based on a news event is very reactive, like Mario Kart: foot on the gas, hit the important stuff, miss the stuff that will slow you down. Writing fiction can be a lot more exploratory, like Zelda: I walked around for two hours today but I found a really important acorn, that I really needed for the stuff I'll do next. Writing comics can be very nose-to-the-grindstone, but for me, breaking story is often incidental and happens at the gym, or before sleep, or in the shower. The major architecture of my narrative writing exists as fragments on my phone and in pocket notebooks, born out of little sparks of inspiration. The heavy lifting happens in fleshing them out and editing them together into something cohesive.

If you could live in the universe of any book or comic book, which one would you pick and why?

I’m not the biggest Harry Potter fan—I've read five of them, I think. But I would choose to live in the Harry Potter universe because as near as I can tell, it’s just our current universe but with far superior candy.

If you could have a conversation with anyone, real or fictional, who would it be and what would you talk about?

Probably Gumby. He seems chill.

What advice would you offer to your fourteen-year-old self?

Fourteen is honestly too young for most actionable advice from successful adults, and you’re not really in charge of what you’re going to do that day, anyhow. I usually tell college-aged writers to finish entire writing samples, that ideas and potential are far less attractive to people who can hire you than finished scripts or stories are. But I can’t imagine my career taking off based on the screenplay I would've finished at fourteen. So my advice would be to start drinking coffee and working out because both of those things are going to make you feel better in a world of things that are trying to make you feel terrible—including, in some cases, young adults roughly your age and twice your size with whom you are trapped, by the hundreds, in a massive brick building, in which they are often inexplicably literally trying to maim you. In case anyone was wondering where comic and comedy writers—and trickster gods—come from.

Thanks so much, Daniel! Follow @kibblesmith! If you’re lucky enough to be attending New York Comic Con in October, Daniel will be signing in Artist Alley at Booth A-28.

Photo: Nick (IG: @goldenparachutephotography) for Midtown Comics. 

[quincywillows]

hi Maggie! This is kinda a Super Specific Ask but hopefully it’ll help other people too??? So how do you decide to write something as a book format or a script? I figured I ask you bc you have both experiences but I’m really at a loss rn like I started formatting a comic during quarantine but then I was like omg that’ll take so long and idk maybe I’ll make it into a movie script since I have a good amount of outlining and now I’m like but what if I have so much detail that it just makes more (1)

(2) it makes more sense for it to be written as a book but also I can see everything so visually so maybe script again and honestly it’s just been a whole debate over the last few months and I just need to decide. So how should I go about this? How do you decide and go about this? Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense but thank you anyways because you’re always such a help 💓

hi there friend! thanks so much for your patience on this. i know i said i was going to make a video for my new channel on this topic -- which i still plan to do! -- but my channel will be on hiatus for a little bit while i’m visiting family and i felt bad leaving you hanging, so i thought i would give you some starting thoughts here and then maybe i’ll have more to say or elaborate when i create the video. i hope that’s okay!

so to start, i completely empathize with this issue. it can feel like a lot trying to just figure out what medium would best serve the story, and i really do think that the right medium is important in serving it! sometimes you’ll just read a book or watch a movie etc and have that thought of like... hm... i think this would’ve been much better if it were ___ you know? so i totally get this concern.

here are some starting thoughts i tend to think of when i’m brainstorming early on in my own process to sort of determine which direction to take it:

does the concept / idea require a lot of visual elements? like is it highly cinematic, incorporate a lot of cool visual moments? it’ll need a visual medium (film, tv, comics)

similar, is the idea very fast-moving and plot-based? does it not require a lot of rumination or thought-process from the characters to move forward? again, i’d lean visual (film, usually). the key about writing screenplays is that they’re very sparse, economical about space, and don’t waste time on character’s thoughts or beats of introspection. the rule of thumb with scripts is that anything you want to be understood, you need to make sure it’s stated or implied via the dialogue or action. you don’t get any room to layer in subtext through thoughts or prose (which is something i struggle with, as a very novelistic screenwriter, yet cinematic novelist LOL).

of course, that’s not to say that a novel cannot be plot-driven. it’s more about like... what will be most efficient for that specific story.

on the flip side, does your idea rely on the innermost thoughts of a character or major details of a world? will the story be more impactful if we get a more intimate understanding of the protagonist? in this case, i think novels are prime. i think the reason many middle grade and young adult coming-of-age concepts are super successful as novels but sometimes flop as film adaptations is because what makes those stories so successful is getting to be in the head of that character. seeing their innermost thoughts and feelings, surrounded by their perspective, experiencing their introspection as they do -- you lose a lot of that nuance when trying to translate to screen.

in terms of character, is your idea very ensemble-heavy and driven by the dynamics of said ensemble? for me, television best serves this type of story. basically everything i write is ensemble-based, but the true ones that clearly fit television are those which have a core cast of 4 - 6 main characters. by using television, you’re able to spend more time across the board with each character and transition more seamlessly between them. it’s possible to do point of view swapping in novels (and i enjoy it when done well, and am aiming to do it with quincy willows future installments), but it can feel jarring and harder to follow because in prose we’re so used to nestling into the perspective of a home character. with television, you’re sort of inherently omniscient, so it’s much more flexible in jumping around from character to character. it’s just... roomier, in a way.

to this point, i think focusing on character and how it functions in your story can be very key to figuring out what sort of format you need. like when i first outlined quincy willows, i had structured it as a 10-ep first season of a television show, with ideas for future seasons on the backburner. and even though i still think of qw as overall an ensemble piece, i realized that jonah lee really is the central protagonist and our home character as an audience. so it made more sense as novels (that could become a show in the future), where we enter the world from jonah’s perspective and then build out from there.

but i think qw is a good example of how you honestly never know if the format is right until you start getting things down. i have written an entire 8-ep season arc and pilot for a show idea, only for a couple of trusted friends and betas to suggest that maybe it would be better as a novel. ages ago, a million moons in the past, travellers started out as what i wanted to be a book series, before it just slowly morphed into television format and really found a rhythm there (which was great, considering it’s so ensemble).

so honestly, aside from all the above thought processes (especially how visual is your idea and how important is character / who are your central protagonists), i would honestly recommend just committing to a format and seeing where it takes you. easier said than done, i know, but just see if you can get through the idea in one format all the way through. then chew on it, let other people take a look, and you’ll be able to figure out through their feedback and your own feelings on it if the structure feels right. like this sounds silly, but the story will let you know if you’re on the right track. but you have to give it the chance to breathe first!

hopefully this is at least somewhat helpful, thank you for your patience and this awesome question! i’ll try to get a video version up of this question at some point soon. let me know if there’s anything else i can answer or insight i can add, i’m honored you find me helpful in all your storytelling queries 💖

[comicteaparty]

July 22nd-July 28th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from July 22nd, 2020 to July 28th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How have your reading tastes for webcomics changed over the years?

carcarchu

i think i used to read exclusively romance webcomics but now i'm really into the historical stuff. also i'm not so into the strictly straightforward stuff anymore, i need a really strong hook or something that makes it different enough to be enjoyable because i'm really tired of reading something that is indistinguishable from other similar webcomics. also i think i've gotten pickier when it comes to the quality of art and writing. there's just so much stuff to pick from now that i want to dedicate my time only to stuff that i really enjoy. i just don't have enough time to read every single webcomic i come across anymore

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

in the past I used to read a bunch of comedic absurdist humor comics (I still do) but it's been buffed out by romance . Same vein like Cara said, I'm just picking and choosing which comics I spend my time on but I do want to try to read as much as I can tho!

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I feel like I used to read LEGO comics a lot lol... I'm not sure how many of them still hold up. In terms of genre, the only comics I struggle to read are ones that are more realistic, or darker. Historical comics often fall into this, as do most horror comics.(edited)

RebelVampire

For me, my tastes haven't necessarily changed in terms of the what I like. What has changed is what I dislike. As the years have gone by, I've really been more open to at least giving comics a try before deciding they aren't for me, especially in the genres I consistently don't like like comedy. So I've gradually disliked less comics. Not to say I like them either or they're for me, but it's a step up from dislike since now I can appreciate what the comics are trying to do more. I think the bigger change for me was art styles though. While I still do have a specific sort of art preference, I've also been more open to giving certain art styles I don't normally like more of a try as well and I've found the styles I dislike (personally, not objectively in terms of talent) to be a much smaller pool than it was before.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh man, I'm the opposite. I feel like I've gotten pickier

varethane

I can't tell if I've gotten pickier or if the bar has just gotten high enough now that if I only have the bandwidth to read X number of webcomics (let's say 20 as a random example), and I'll be picking from among those which stand out to me, those 20 comics will be on a totally different level than the 20 I might have found 10 years ago

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I think I've also gotten pickier

The biggest change, I think, is that I've gotten way pickier about storytelling

While I used to be able to read a comic with subpar storytelling. I drop comics in an instant these days if the story doesn't speak to me pretty quickly(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think it's because when I started reading comics, everything was new and novel. Now there're more tropes I recognize? And more problematic things that bother me, when before I would not have noticed

Deo101 [Millennium]

I dont think I've gotten pickier, per se, I think I just have very specific tastes and many things dont fit them which feels picky? but i can enjoy all kinds of genres, I kind of go into something 1: not wanting to think 2: not wanting to be offended and 3: wanting to laugh a bit? which isnt exactly a high bar to pass, but not many things will do that for me, which isnt because I'm a picky person, its jsut cause a lot of things arent made for peope like me?

varethane

I'm not consciously looking for 'only the best quality' by any means-- if there's anything I'm really looking for, it's a sense of passion and uniqueness, that feeling that the author is having a blast with the thing they're doing. But I feel like it's gotten harder to draw my attention (and readers' attention in general) without having a certain level of skill involved

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh, same. As my art gets better so does my eye for it

varethane

....and, yeah, I guess I've also gotten tired of certain tropes. Once I read 2 or 3 webcomics that do kinda the same thing, I'm less likely to pick up a fourth with the same general premise, even if it looks like it's well-made.

(sorry isekai....)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just absorb a lot of storytelling in many forms, so if the story doesn't grab me right away, I feel like I'm wasting time reading something, where I could be fulfilling my desire for more worthwhile storytelling elsewhere

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh true, there are so so many comics out there now

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Art quality plays into it a bit for me, but it's honestly primarily the storytelling

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Everything I read I could be reading 100 others of similar quality Really, why does anyone read my comic at all?

varethane

"good art will get readers to take a first look, good writing is what makes them stay"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Art quality is very important to me but I've still read and loved a few stories will amateurish art

varethane

for me personally, the art's just gotta be good enough for me to not be distracted by it while I read

Deo101 [Millennium]

idk I think a lot of people stay through bad writing even if something looks good

also yeah i feel the same, about not wanting to be distracted

"does the art serve the story?" is all I really care about

varethane

art serving the story is the most important part. Art can LOOK amazing, but if the body language or expressions don't fit the story being told, it can make the writing seem worse lol

a friend of mine once referred to it as, like watching a well-written screenplay but with terrible miscast actors

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm, cause the only words we get are dialogue, the art has to be all the descriptive language. so if theyre not describing well, a lot is missing.

varethane

yeah

Deo101 [Millennium]

or I guess some comics have narration, too

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Narration can't do ALL of the work

varethane

yeah haha

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, one of my professors said that a rule of thumb of his about comics is "if you can read me the words and I know whats going on, it's not good comics."

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

The art definitely serves the story (or is supposed to), but if the story is bad from the beginning, I don't care how good the art is.

varethane

I have complicated feelings on that one, because I feel like it's actually pretty rare for me to consider a 'story' bad (at least insofar as we're talking about the core ideas of the plot). Most premises (if they're not actively offensive/poorly thought through), if written out as just a skeletal outline, could work just fine. IMO bad writing is a problem of execution, most of the time, rather than concept. (hedging my language here because there's always exceptions lol)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I would say I agree with you. I think writing and story are different concepts. There is also sort of a macro/micro element to writing, as well, and either one can be messed up

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, I misspoke, what I mean by "bad story" is more "bad storytelling/writing"

but yes

carcarchu

a friend of mine once referred to it as, like watching a well-written screenplay but with terrible miscast actors

@varethane oh i have read stuff like this. like the art was INCREDIBLE really detailed renders, very consistent and technically fantastic art but so often it just devolved into shot / reverse shot talking heads and the characters didn't really emote beyond changing the position of their eyebrows so it kinda felt like watching dolls interact with each other

RebelVampire

I mulled over the fact I took the opposite route as everyone else. XD For me I think it's three factors. First, I was actually ungodly picky in my youth across the board with everything, not just comics. As such, I've missed out on a lot of things other people love. Second, with each passing year, I've come to appreciate more the work people put into their indie projects. And for me its like a show of respect in a way to acknowledge that hey, you worked on this thing I may not like, but I'll try it because you clearly love what you created (or I hope you love it). Third, and probably the bigger factor, I stuck myself in a positive feedback loop. The more I opened myself up to things and learned to not initially dislike things or be as harsh, the more I ended up finding a gem I really loved. In fact, while this is across diff industries, I'd say this has been the biggest influence for me with webcomics because so many webcomics I was like "Well I'll try it gotta be open and not just dislike it," and then I came away going "Wow this is a diamond in the rough!"

[tlbodine]

Three 1970s Horrors Worth Watching (that are not part of this film series)

The Horror by the Decade series started innocuously enough, with someone requesting some recent film recommendations. That got me to thinking about trends, and recommendations from previous decades, and how many movies that were true classics I was familiar with but had never seen, and thus the idea “hey, let’s watch movies from every decade!” came into being. 

But obviously you can’t watch every horror movie from every year, so there had to be a selection process in place. Here’s roughly how I’ve been choosing movies: 

Search Google for “horror movies {year}” for each year of the decade 

Research them a bit and pick out everything that is familiar, historically significant, or seems especially interesting, and put them on a list

Pare the list down to 1-2 of the most interesting titles per year 

Look for themes and pair movies up according to theme (since we watch two movies a week)

In order to save time, any movie that both I and @comicreliefmorlock have seen recently/a lot gets knocked off the list. In the 1970s, that means removing three extremely good, extremely important movies, so I wanted to talk about them a bit here. 

Follow below the cut for thoughts on Jaws, The Exorcist, and Alien

Jaws, made in 1975 by Steven Spielberg, is based on a novel of the same name written by  Peter Benchley. Richard Dreyfuss and Roy Scheider team up to kill an unusually large and aggressive great white shark that is terrorizing the beach in a quiet New England town. 

Fun fact: Until Star Wars was released two years later, Jaws was the highest-grossing movie of all time! This is probably due in part to how much money Universal decided to sink into its distribution and marketing, but the film’s quality has to play a big part too. It really is a magnificent movie and is probably a big part of why people are still scared of sharks. 

Some things that are notable about Jaws: 

It has one of the most iconic and effective film scores in cinema. Everyone knows the Jaws theme, and it’s been used to basically mean “impending danger!” in a jokey way for...I mean, at least 30 years, because I know that was a meme when I was a kid. I imagine it has been since 1975. That’s just a really impressive feat, and John Williams (yes, the Star Wars guy) deserves acclaim for it. 

Music aside, Jaws is an excellent study in suspense and restraint. Technological limitations meant they couldn’t show the shark as much as they’d wanted, so scenes had to be filmed suggestively to ramp up the tension. (You do still get to see a lot of wonderful big scary shark, though, and honestly the effects still hold up pretty well to this day) 

The performances are really good, too. The leads have a great chemistry and play off of each other really well. The script was a joint effort, getting passes from several people (including the book’s author), but a comedian  Carl Gottlieb got a pass at it, and that humor really helps to elevate the film. 

The most powerful thing about Jaws, though, is that it taps into a mythic seed that renders it utterly timeless. There is an echo of Moby Dick in Quint’s character and motives, with a similarly tragic arc. But it draws on something older and deeper, too. The premise of “man-eating wild animal terrorizes a community, a bounty is put on its head, only a hero can kill it” has been a staple of mythology for thousands of years. 

Man-eaters are real, and they become the stuff of legend -- dating at least as far back to the monstrous Nemean Lion that could be slain only by Heracles. Historically, there are accounts of man-eating wolves, lions, tigers, etc. terrorizing locals, sometimes inspiring local werewolf legends - you can read about just a few of them here: https://listverse.com/2010/10/16/top-10-worst-man-eaters-in-history/ 

I think I watched Jaws for the first time when I was 8 (I saw all the sequels too, there was a cable marathon) and I was utterly captivated. I feel pretty confident if I showed it to an 8-year-old today, they would be too. It’s just that kind of movie. 

The Exorcist, released in 1973 and directed by  William Friedkin, was based on a novel by  William Peter Blatty, who also wrote the screenplay. 

The story is about a 12-year-old girl, Regan, who begins acting strangely after playing with a ouija board. Once medical causes are ruled out, her mother turns to two priests for assistance; they come to perform the exorcism and have a harder time than expected with casting out the demon, to say the least. 

The film is still considered one of the most frightening horror movies of all time by some, and at the time of its release it was a sensation. Movie-goers were said to have all sorts of reactions, from fainting and vomiting to having miscarriages and heart attacks. Contemporary psychologists even wrote about “cinematic neurosis” in people who had watched the film: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1151359

The story crossed a lot of boundaries (even for the 1970s) and you have to bear in mind that this was a major cinematic release, not a grindhouse exploitation film. Most film-goers in 1973 were absolutely not prepared to see an innocent child spouting off vulgarity, urinating on the floor, and masturbating with a crucifix. And some of the practical effects, like the famous head-twisting scene, are still really creepy. 

This is one of those movies that’s hard to watch with fresh eyes because it was so influential on all of cinema to follow. If you like demonic possession movies, this is the film that started it all. I know religious people who are deeply afraid of this movie and won’t allow it in their home for fear of inviting real demons, so, that’s the kind of staying power the story has. 

** As an atheist, I am not particularly frightened of demon movies, and I suspect I will never fully grasp the real terror of watching something like this for people who believe that these types of things happen in real life. The Exorcist is definitely not the scariest movie I’ve ever seen, but I can respect that it definitely is for many other people. 

Fun trivia: The Exorcist is considered by some to be cursed because the cast and crew had an unusually tough time with filming: the set caught fire (but Regan’s room was undamaged), several actors were injured during practical stunts/effects, several people died during filming or in post-production (not on set), and the demon’s voice actor experienced an awful tragedy years later when her son killed wife, kids, and himself: http://www.the13thfloor.tv/2015/12/02/is-the-exorcist-movie-cursed/

The events are all most likely coincidental (and on a long enough timeline, everyone involved with a project will be dead!) but it lends power to the suspicion that this was A Very Cursed Movie That God Doesn’t Want You To Watch, which makes it all the more frightening. 

Alien, directed by Ridley Scott, came out in 1979 and is so powerful that it’s still a popular franchise today, spawning books, movies, video games, merchandise, and more. 

The story is essentially a haunted house film set in space. A commercial space crew is woken from stasis by the ship's on-board computer to answer a distress signal, discovering a derelict alien ship and founding a chamber of eggs belonging to an aggressive, parasitic alien creature that infests a crew member with its egg, which later hatches violently from his body, grows up, and proceeds to terrorize the ship. 

It's a tense cat-and-mouse game of searching for the alien as it picks off crew members one by one, and the music, atmosphere, and visuals are all compelling, with effects that still hold up pretty well for modern audiences. But what makes Alien especially significant is the performance of Sigourney Weaver as Ripley. 

We’d had scream queens before -- female horror protagonists who survive as “final girls” against the mayhem and slaughter -- but Ripley is something different. She is badass, heroic in a way that girls rarely got to see themselves, and laying down a template for strong female characters in future cinema (for better or worse). 

The script was reportedly written to be gender neutral, with no assumptions about casting, which allowed Ripley to defy gender norms and expectations. But despite this supposed gender neutrality, there is a definite flavor of female horror in Alien -- which is, after all, a movie about forced impregnation and death at the hands of a decidedly phallic monster. 

And that is, I think, probably right at the heart of the film’s sticking power. Science fiction can swiftly become dated as our knowledge of the universe expands, but the horror of Alien isn’t really the aliens so much as what they represent -- and sad to say, sexual violence is something we humans may never understand. Here’s a fun essay on the topic: https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/film/2019/03/forty-years-what-can-ridley-scott-s-alien-teach-metoo-generation

So, there you have it. Three movies we will not be watching in our film series, but which you absolutely should check out if you somehow haven’t seen them. 

[b0x]

i hate that post that's like “we would've gotten a better trilogy if they'd just let rian johnson write all three films than playing hot potato with jj” like i get the point it's trying to make but you're forgetting that rj was fighting tooth and nail for the tlj r*ylo narrative since day 1 so you do realise we would've just gotten the same trilogy as we got now.......

further Thoughts on the trilogy as a whole and a few troc spoilers under the cut

also you KNOW that even if jj COULD have had a hand in saving it... there’s no saving a screenplay written by the guy who did the justice league films

No Comment. No Thoughts. Head Empty. everything post tfa was doomed from the start

have you SEEN the screenwriters for tfa? THAT’S why that one was so good, THAT’S why tfa succeeded as an excellent reboot of a long-dormant franchise. kasdan and arndt and jj should've been on for ALL THREE, and if they couldn’t, then a hiatus was the way to fucking go. rian never should have Touched it, never should have even Looked in its direction.

tfa had the essence of sw BECAUSE the essence of sw wrote it! tlj and tros isn’t sw!!!! 

they rly just tried to make Anakin..... 2! with kylo... but somehow... even Worse. you can’t make an anakin story Without showing kylo’s motives and morals - oh, except, you Did show his motives and morals, and they were in no way redeeming whatsoever! anakin had a whole ARC of complexity that allows for endless discussion on morality and justifiability that led him to earn his redemption. all kylo had was a blood tie to han and leia, which!!!! if anything!!!!!! made his motives and morals WORSE, knowing that he had the most IDEAL most loving and perfect upbringing and he still chose the dark side. that makes any love received from han or leia or luka or even fucking rey completely insignificant because we ALREADY KNOW what it means to him. all of this shit was so worthless!!!!!!!! fuck!

and i have a lot to say about rian johnson because i Cannot for the life of me believe the guy behind BRICK (2005) was taken on for tlj, WHILE TFA WASN’T EVEN FINISHED YET. i really didn’t think this had to be said but that is just NOT how you make a Trilogy. that is how you make Three Separate Films and guess what! that is exactly what we got! and it honestly saddens me to think that the guy behind the beautiful 6 minute music video ‘oh baby’ by lcd sound system, inspired by some of his greatest work in looper (and even brick!), would then take the absolute worst of his worst and apply that to a star wars franchise that desperately needed his best. and there’s something hilarious about that too, that you have this huge sandbox FULL of belief-suspending ridiculousness and STILL somehow make it fail? make it atrocious? that takes skill. it’s like that one post that was like “you have to ACTUALLY put EFFORT into making something this bad” like it’s no longer silly mistakes or lacklustre energy, this was ACTIVE sabotage.

the fact rian Had the Understanding of the core concepts of star wars right in his hands, but somehow completely missed the entire point of them? if you look at the films he screened to his story group during the development of tlj... this handful of culturally and historically significant war films that just seem like he screened for aesthetic and reference purposes only instead of actually exploring and analysing the importance and criticism of the exonerating war propaganda and racist source materials and using these films to inspire the actual groundwork of some of the root themes of current climates and today’s culture in a sw universe... i bet big bucks on the fact that twelve o clock high was only screened to inspire the air battle on crait (red salt planet) and because of ‘VIII Bomber Command’ because ha ha hee hee tlj is episode VIII and hoo hoo hoo *you’ve been gnomed.mp4* 

the general rule is this: when reading ANY report on tlj and tros and something like “the characters came first” is mentioned, just exit out the window, it’s already a botched article/thinkpiece.

i’m also thinking a lot about how arndt translated his first draft for tfa into a script for eight months and said he needed 18 more, which disney and jj said no to, so he left, and IMMEDIATELY after jj kept saying how relieved he was that the release date was delayed and gave him more time that he also needed. like.. you had your lesson then and there. did they learn from it? *disney forcing rian to write tlj at the same time as tfa was still being made* No!

i am ALSO thinking about how they had considered fincher, brad bird, jon favreau, del toro, even getting development suggestions by spielberg.......... and rian johnson is who they called up for tlj.... my head is... empty.

just give the fucking thing to taika waititi he understands the nuances of the socio-political climates of sw’s narratives built around a guise of a fun sci-fi fantasy adventure-drama. he understands. that’s literally the very definition of his style of writing and directing. Makes You Think Why The Mandalorian Is A Hit.... they already gave him 2 mandalorian episodes just give him the whole franchise i cant take it anymore. 

AND NOW THEY’RE GIVING RIAN JOHNSON A WHOLE NEW TRILOGY? RIAN? RIAN JOHNSON? THEY’RE GIVING HIM A WHOLE NEW TRILOGY AFTER WHAT HAPPENED... HERE. SURE.. OKAY . ALRIGHT. IT’S HONESTLY MIND-BLOWING. THE THOUGHT PROCESS THAT GOES INTO CONSECUTIVE DECISIONS SUCH AS THIS. like i would LOVE to see footage of the board meeting for this. no sarcasm i am GENUINELY curious to hear what was said to greenlight this. i have GOT to know what post tros board meetings about this will be like. 

anyway! op of that post! i will be thinking about you when the new rj trilogy drops!

what’s worse about this whole trilogy is that.. they Had it. they had it in the bag with tfa. they HAD the original idea they HAD the power to make a sw trilogy set to current climates JUST LIKE THE PREVIOUS TRILOGIES DID, cos that’s what sw is all about! what it was ALWAYS about! a space opera reflective of current times and climates. but disney turned it into a Keeping Up With The Skywalkers reality tv show that’s nothing more than a sci-fi fantasy light show and vfx flex to keep the brand alive, and personally, i think that’s ultimately one of the reasons it’s so hated and why it failed (of course rampant misogyny/sexism, racism, homophobia under the guise of geek culture within the sw community and in the production itself is a whole other discussion and is another humongous part of why it’s hated and why it failed)

and it’s why hamill had every right to criticise tlj the way he did with rotj, why boyega and isaac and ridley had Every right to their commentary on their distaste of the second and third instalments. how the only reason they’d rescind what they said was due to their contracts. how their silence was necessary to squeeze every last dollar out of consumers because god forbid a potential boycott due to their own star’s “controversial” (Correct) judgements and disapprovals

they really had it in the bag..

a female protagonist who could be a chosen one regardless of her blood and family ties, a protagonist that reflected the importance and validity of found family, and the idea that Anyone can be a “Skywalker”, a symbol of hope and a fighter for justice and goodness and love in the world, especially in the darkest of times... a young woman being just as powerful, as Chosen, as essential as Luke and Anakin were... a narrative that couldve been commentary on the necessity of women needing to do double the work, make double the effort, to earn the same spot of her counterparts. and with the second and third instalments, especially NOW, with the growth and vocalisation of the MeToo movement, the narrative of strength to speak out against abusers, to fight back and to thrive, a symbol of justice, to teach that men such as kylo who refuse consequence, who actively and soberly choose violence and manipulation for the strengthening of the self, who will ignore and deny all opportunities to better the self, to know their guilt, to make up for their actions, are the ones who are irredeemable. that people like him are not owed any time or understanding or belief in, when that belief perpetuates the violent and oppressive nature they are indefinitely attracted to and make themselves defined by.

a black hero raised by violence and refusing to be defined by it and unlocking the force within as a symbol of that strength within over encompassing goodness, to have a hero that breaks that harmful narrative stereotype that black characters have had for decades and still continue to do so, to have a voice and a hero that fights with love and kindness, that is able to find family and support in a place beyond what he believes he is allowed to have, the significance of a hero being deemed a “traitor”, a term that holds weight in the shame of seeking your own independence and identity, versus the cathartic empowerment of thriving in the independence you make for yourself in the end. a black hero that defeats his oppressors, oppressors that belong to a policing fascist regime, a faction that has always from the very beginning been a depiction of nazis, of authoritarian nationalism. 

a canonical gay latino man freedom fighter, being the best in his career as a literal symbol of hope for the resistance, a literal symbol of the climates for lgbt folk in regards to resisting those same fascist nazi regimes, resisting laws against lgbt existence, lgbt employability, lgbt success. a man who grew into a legacy of heroism, surrounded by it, something that could have been powerful poignant commentary on the necessity to sacrifice lives so others like his didn’t have to, the very narrative to fight for a world that the innocents and the ones he loves could have peace in, could have a future in, could Exist in. poe fights in the skies because he knew damn well the effect of believing in someone that is human, like you, instead of a force that is bigger than anything you could ever know or believe in. poe brings humanity and realism to an otherwise fanatical universe of magic and religion and chaos of endless war that means nothing, that is based on nothing. poe is commentary on fighting a fight that you have no choice but to fight, that you are forced to fight from birth just for the very act of Existing. his humanity and realism is a significant grounding necessity for our two protagonist heroes and it is appalling that he’d just be discarded the way he was, shallowly played off as sideline comic relief, much like lgbt narratives and characters are expressed in pretty much ANY media today, so it comes as no surprise. 

the three most vital narratives that should have been told in this trilogy but no of course not (disney voice) gimme my Fackin MANEY. it’s the silence of marginalised voices cleverly disguised under hollow face-value representation.

honestly, even rey being blood-related to palpatine as his granddaughter was such a strong and perfect set-up for The Narrative That Could’ve Been TM, but instead they had palpatine make it a whole weird pseudo-marriage thing that was just so. backwards and unbelievably shocking that it was in a 2019 era star wars film.

wow marriage story and the rise of skywalker really is the same movie huh

yes we wanted a grey jedi protagonist hero that gets tempted by the dark side but this was the absolute worst way that could’ve been explored. like if they were just gonna recycle old characters and old storylines and make them worse they could’ve at least looked at darth maul or asajj ventress and the nightsisters

and NO WONDER oscar looked so DEFEATED every time finnpoe was mentioned cos he fought for that shit tooth and nail and they? ? ? they gave him a funny ha ha hee hee hoo hoo straight flirt scene? ? with like his ex or something, where they imply they get back together? COMPLETELY destroying the ENTIRE narrative of his character that was so lovingly built and developed in the Official Canon Comic Series About Him ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

NO WORDS. there are NO WORDS. head EMPTY. no not even empty there's NO HEAD at all i am BEHEADED

finn had NOTHING in this film. Nothing. how are you gonna make him a joint-protag with rey and give him Nothing? 

anyone with brain cells knows that what finn truly was trying to tell rey the entire film was that he was force sensitive, i will take this to my grave, and that should’ve built up to this grand reveal where they empower each other and take down palpatine and kylo as one, as the joint-protagonists they were Literally Fucking Written And Built Up To Be. they gave EVERY antagonist to REY. what was the POINT. rey had her significant clash with kylo across two films, hell, even in this one (before the Final one), tros was the penultimate film about her family, her bloodline, so her significant final battle should have been with palpatine a la rotj. the person who DESERVED to clash with and take down kylo once and for all was FINN, even a TODDLER would understand WHY. 

but considering everything, i would take the thing finn was trying to tell her the entire film being that he loves her ANY DAY if it meant whatever the fuck we got instead Never Happened.

finn got made general and not only was it a blink-and-you-miss bit but it adds NOTHING, yes it’s something to celebrate and of Course he deserves it, but it holds zero significance to him as a character. like i mentioned earlier, when han was made general, that never defined him. he was still han solo and it took a Dozen other significant scenarios and twists to make him a significant and vital memorable character. han solo isn’t known for “being a general”. he’s known for being han fucking solo, a critical puzzle piece in the taking down of the empire, a scamp-turned-deeply-loyal friend and lover, a man who not only got his own personal storyline concluded to the level it deserved to be (the repercussions of his bounty hunter life, the importance of the falcon, his relationships with lando, luke, and leia, his triumph over his captors even when it was luke and leia who freed him). 

side note, this was maybe the one thing that tfa screwed up, the entire point and development of the original trilogy, it sort of felt a bit moot with how they put a “twist” on han, leia and luke’s relationship, especially when it came to kylo. but i think there are some forgivable aspects to it for the sake of the new trio, and that’s why those executive decisions kind of Worked! this is, of course, for another discussion bc this is about the new trilogy.

leia IS known for being a general because part of her entire storyline revolves around it and the significance of it!!! which is why finn being made general just feels so... i don’t know! just completely disrespectful, to both him as a character, and to generals who are defined by this position (such as, hello!!!!! poe!!! poe fucking dameron!!!! a man raised by the resistance!!! a man who’s entire life and prior legacy was entirely dedicated to the resistance!!!! him being made general MEANT something). it’s like rubbing salt in the wound of the fact that finn has been discarded as the protagonist he was meant to be, the story, development and conclusion he never got, just to slap general on him and call it a day and then write about his actual development in a novel that 3/4ths of the ppl who watch the films will never read. 

and that's just the core story stuff!!! do NOT get me started on the general lore proposed in this shit. i’m talking about the force ghost nonsense and the convenience of some of the timing choices (rewriting the way death works in sw, claiming that rey “didn’t really die/wasn’t really dead” since she didn’t fade which in itself completely destroys the entire plot they were going for with the resurrection scene, the timing of the fades themselves bullshitted for “dramatic cinematic purposes”), the entire palpatine storyline, the bullshit with snoke and the lack of explanation, all these one-off characters that have the lore capacity of an overwatch character when instead they could have developed the ones that already existed and had the opportunity to be fleshed out and CARED about

the FACT that HUX (hux!!!!!!!!!) had a more interesting storyline in all three films with a total screentime of maybe 10 minutes than these one-offs whose only purpose is to stroke the cock of sw nostalgia seekers and lore aficionados. to make these characters so inaccessible that to fully appreciate them, fans have to dive into hundreds of different novels and comics and games and whatnot. like if you make it so that the Only way someone can experience a character’s full essence is by reading their wiki page then you’ve failed in creating them, in writing them, in including them, in using them, in whatever them. you’ve just failed as a creator.

and the ONLY reason hux got a reaction (a barebones reaction but a reaction nonetheless) out of me was because they essentially just turned him into phasma 2 which is SO telling of the climate of this trilogy.

it’s a recycled trilogy. that’s all it is. it’s a recycled series of films where tfa’s originality was completely entirely scrapped and ignored because rian wanted to write his personal fanfiction more than he wanted to continue the story he was given, and did everything he could to insert that whenever he could, and kennedy, of course, let him, because she realised giving herself indulging content other than fifty shades and radfem articles that she could jerk off to was more important than telling a critical story where its wonder and valuable, influential morals could’ve stayed in this generation’s minds for years to come.

if you want to watch tros just watch the prequel trilogy instead you'll get the same story except actually good.

[euphoriecs]

11/11/11 tag !!!

thank u sm for tagging me @yikescomma​, @buckaroowrites​ nd @yikeskimi​ !!!

rules: answer 11 questions, write your own 11, tag 11 people !

under the cut bc its a Lotta questions KSKSKSHK

yikescomma’s questions!!

1. what’s your favourite place to write?

oh this is ?? kind of a tough one bc i feel like i never Branched out in my spaces when it comes 2 being productive,, like a lot of my work is done in my bedroom just bc my desk is there and it’s the most convenient,,,, honestly im jus gonna say my favorite place to write would be from . my desk . bc it faces the window :-)

2. which character(s) from your wip(s) is your favourite?

since i only have wtsf confidently worked out ,, i’ll use those ocs !! but i think , quite Honestlie ,,, that wendy is my favorite character !! im rly in love with how she progresses as a person nd also she’s jsut . she gets it u know .

3. what are some inspirations for your wip(s)?

I TALKED ABT THIS BEFORE but b/ts’ hyyh series, my neighborhood, spring day by b/ts are a few inspirations for wtsf !!! 

4. how did you start writing?

my dad got me hooked on reading when i was really really young !! and being able to read abt all these huge worlds nd being given an opportunity 2 fall in love w them rly inspired me to want to write worlds of my own . plus , i watch a lot of different shows nd animes that feed into my daydreams nd sometimes im like ‘yo,,, that was a good daydream,,,,, time 2 story it’ .

5. which of your ocs is most difficult to write?

uHGHHGHGS ARTHUR ...... trying to capture this like . enigmatic feeling while keeping close 2 his reasons for acting That way is actually ,, rly hard?? hes a tough cookie 2 crack but i will crack it .

6. what aesthetic do you associate with your wip(s)?

for wtsf ,,, quiet towns , lonely beaches , sunset nd sunrise ,,, running through the streets ?? 

7. do you like planning?

YEA !! i see it more as like . being able to explore ur wip and what directions it can take nd its also jsut rly helpful to have a solid foundation .

8. what is your favourite quote from your wip(s)?

i pulled this from my drabbles but: “Slow down.” Wendy grabbed Arthur’s wrist, pulling him down to sit on the sand. “This world can’t keep up with you.”

9. do you like to listen to music while you write?

yes and no ?? im very particular to the kind of music im listening to nd more often than not, i write in complete silence ,,, but sometimes i’ll find a song that i feel rly fits the vibe of what im writing nd i just put it on repeat HGSHJK

10. what do you like most about your own writing?

i think i like the descriptive aspects of it ?? like how i describe places nd feelings ,,,, :-) !

11. what are/were/would be your ocs favourite subjects in school?

everyone except piper in wtsf is graduated from high school but ,, wendy liked english class the best bc it was fun nd she got good grades !! rafael definitely loved psychology nd took it at an ap level ,, arthur liked math nd chemistry .. chemistry he liked More bc he got 2 blow stuff up SKKSKSEH and piper likes world history!! tho shes not good at it . but she likes it!!

buckaroowrites’ questions!!

what is your favorite subgenre to write? to read?

i lov urban fantasy and low fantasy JGHDSHGJKS like its my favorite to write nd read bc like .. o heck ?? ghosts nd ghouls nd just overall supernatural stuff irl ?? that’s the way 2 go

if you had to be trapped on a desert island with any of your ocs, who would it be and why?

if i had 2 be trapped on a desert island ...... i’d probably choose rafael . honestlie he just seems like he always knows what’s up nd my chances of survival would increase w him JHGJKSJKS

what is your favorite medium to write?

definitely novels !! its a format i’ve pretty much grown up w and im more comfortable w this medium than any others GHSHJKS but i’d love to explore like ,, screenplays nd see where that takes me

who was your first oc?

HYLLY SHITTTT THIS BRINGS ME BACK SJHJHJGJKS i used to draw a lot back when i was younger nd so i had this oc JHJS his name was ian and he was meant for the maximum ride universe but he was a dumb dude who was 2% cat . nd he had an adopted sister ,, i forgot her name but she was part bird .

what was your first wip about?

world end club is supposed 2 be abt a group of teens who work together 2 take down a corporation that wants 2 essentially control the artificial island they live on thru engineered soldiers . ITS A CONCEPT ,, nd it requires a little Too Much for my one brain cell to think abt

thoughts on shakespeare?

uhhh no thots bc i never read his work in high school i jus know macbeth is cursed .... wow i rly dont know anything abt shakespeare huh .

poetry or prose?

o this is TOUGH i rly adore both .......... im gonna . im gonna go w prose . i lvoe poetry so much sometimes there are lines that just rly fucken punch u in the face but im gonna go w prose bc its familiar !!

would you ever co-write a story?

nO ..... i wouldnt b able 2 compromise i’d jus b like oH ACTUALLY SKSKKS MY IDEA’S DUMB LETS JUST DO URS 

write what you want to write or write what you want to read/watch?

oh . fuc .... i feel like its important to have a good balance of both but . honestlie im very partial to what i want to read/watch ..

do you like to write violence?

i dont Like 2 write it but its In My Wips !

what is your favorite trope?

oH ,, probably ‘fire forged friends’ or like . mutual pining ... i have too many favorite tropes nd somehow im gonna incorporate them all .

yikeskimi’s questions!!

Tell us about the main character(s) in your current WIP!

oKAY SO im gonna try to not make this too long SJKHJGS !! wendy is a very like . prickly character . shes like a cactus . nd she’s not too fond of letting ppl get close, but the ppl who do manage to get close to her are happie 2 learn she would actually die for them . loyalty is a Huge Huge part of her character, and she cares very deeply abt the people she calls family . shes also v sarcastic nd like . ‘open ur eyes dummy’ .

arthur is a kind of person who lives heavily on false pretenses . like he projects this image bc its an image that he can control nd he jsut Rolls w it , but hes actually someone who likes 2 tease his friends nd be friendly to them ,, hes got Issuez nd is very much the type of person to be like ‘o lol im ok :-)...’ nd prioritize the needs of others 

rafael is , in all honesty , just babey . he studied a lot during high school nd rly pushed himself beyond his limits bc he wants to be able 2 go 2 a good college on scholarship nd get a job 2 support his family , nd hes just ?? very responsible nd sweet but that can also manifest into him taking on more than he should nd burning out . 

piper is a very ,, honestlie kinda sad character kjHGJSJ she spends a lot of time just trying 2 appeal to other ppl bc she knows her interest in the supernatural make her a ‘weird’ person nd she wants to be able 2 have real friends ,, but when she learns 2 let go of this she’s very silly nd always making jokes During The Right time ..

Do you have an all time favorite OC? Tell us about them!

hMMMM i dont think i do ??? my memory of my ocs is rly bad JHSJ so more often than not i just ,, rip i dont remember them </3

If you could be best friends with one of your OCs, who would it be and why?

ms piper chaiyathan !!!! shes a very open nd kind individual nd i feel like our humor nd joking style would match V v v well !!!

Last line you’ve written in your WIP?

Wendy, unlike her brothers Adam and Nate, had inherited her father’s rough touch, and that made them both unwanted in the high stakes setting of a diner kitchen.

If you have a chosen title for your WIP, were there any titles you considered before it? And if not, what are some titles you’re thinking of?

when the sun falls went through SO many titles nd i actually have them all here: where the sun goes / fever dreams / above the sun / where the sun follows / the drowned sun ... as u can see the sun was smth i Needed .

What is an important element in the world your WIP takes place in?

uHHHH the supernatural element is . Very important but i cant be too specific about it but i will tell u it involves a dead tree on the beach .

Tell us an out of context spoiler.

arthur gets a cool new set of eyes.

Any power couples/ships in your WIP?

wendy nd arthur babey ,,,,,, bat nd molotov cocktail duo ,,,, last name central until the important moment nd THEN they use each other’s first names ..

Any music you like listening to while you write?

uHHHH specifically for wtsf i listen 2 a lot of hozier, lorde, conan gray, khalid nd halsey :-)

What would your main character(s) favorite song be?

oH okay i got this in the BAG ... wendy’s favorite song would Absolutely be work place by hozier or more than sorrow by a-lin ,,, arthur would definitely b listening 2 like . free spirit by khalid .. piper, since she p much spent all of middle school nd 2 years of high school in thailand ,, i think she’

Which character in your WIP could you relate to the most?

honestly? all of them !!! a lot of the characters in wtsf have little bits nd pieces of me bc thats how all my ocs come into existence nd theres no One character thats like “oh,,, das me”

and here are my 11 questions !!

Which one of your OCs do you think could survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?

What’s something you’ve been itching to write about?

Share the last paragraph you wrote!

Do you prefer coming up with plots or characters? Why?

Do you have any abandoned WIPs? Tell us about them!

What are some favorite themes/tropes to write about?

How do you get into the zone for writing?

Tell us a random fact for any of your OCs !!!

Are you someone who needs a visual for your WIPs?

What are some influences to your writing style?

If you had to be a character in one of your WIPs, which WIP would it be and what role would you play?

i’m gonna tag @babyreeds @holotones @alejandroistyping @noloumna @faerisms @omniawrites @aslanwrites @ashesconstellation @thegrievingyoung @glittcrpeach @syposium !!! no pressure to do it if u dont want to tho <3

[sundaynightnovels]

11/11/11

i was tagged by the lovely @aslanwrites, who has just undergone a name change which confused me a LOT because i was like... who is this person.. with that familiar icon... what happened to quiescentwriting????????? but my slow mind caught up and yea!! thanks for remembering me even with your new identity hahahha and thanks for tagging me in this!! <3 

Rules: Answer 11 Questions, Ask Eleven Questions, Tag Eleven People! 

Why did you start writing? I honestly don’t remember. i’ve just been writing since young... and it might have to do with reading books, i really don’t know. but when i was younger my sis and i used to play with our stuffed toys and we created this entire world surrounding the 6 of them (used to be 4 but we added 2 to the gang), including an entire class of 22 people with names, distinct personalities and relationships, and also multiple AUs such as a superpower one and a living-together one, which was really fun. so yea i guess i’ve been creating stories since young!

What writing advice do you adhere to? i actually don’t adhere to writing advice HAHA i’m a rebel . okay kidding aside, i really don’t refer to them or read them at all, like i’m not really bothered with advice. i just want to do what i wanna do, yknow?? i guess the only advice that i know and follow is to not read back on what you’ve already written. i think i’ve quoted that a lot of times before HAHAHA but yea, that’s really the only one.

What writing advice do you disagree with? refer to above hahaha i can’t really disagree with anything when i really don’t know anything!! ( i mean, of course i can if i want to be an ass but yknow, i’m not. well, not all the time)

Do you think “Said” is dead? nah. i use ‘said’ all the time. sometimes you just need it yknow? it’s like an old best friend that you’re so used to, you don’t even notice its presence in your life but you need it like you need air. you can pry my best friend away from my cold dead hands!!

Favorite drink when writing? i mainly drink water. i don’t really drink anything else. ooo ~~healthy ~~~ nah i’m really not i just like water.

What’s your favorite app to write on? Or do you prefer notebooks? i write mainly on MS word, which i know ain’t the best but i’m used to it and my OLD LIMBS WILL NOT TAKE ANY OTHER ok jk i am up for other options but it’s working fine for me now, so i don’t feel the need to change. i write sometimes on notebooks when i’m really stuck, or i just feel like writing something by hand, but that’s rarely, usually when i’m overseas without my laptop or bored to death at work.

Who or what is your biggest inspiration? other creators i guess, and not just authors but also filmmakers or musicians or whatever. right now i just want to be like taika waititi, yknow. i just wanna do what i want to do and what i have fun doing and maybe eventually others can jump onboard and enjoy my work with me!

What do you wish writers would do more of? PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MAIN CHARACTERS!!! i mean, i love romance as much as the next person, but it always seem like the main characters always end up in a romantic relationship with each other when sometimes they are a lot better as friends. another of my wip (the only other wip i have with first drafts written... since years ago) has three main characters who remain in platonic relationships with one another throughout, and while retrospectively i could see how some might ship certain characters together, i really liked that i kept them as purely friends and it worked so much better and idk, i just feel like a lot of times when you see main characters it’s like an immediate, oh they are gonna get together, and yknow, that doesn’t always have to be the case.

What do you wish writers would do less of? uhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i don’t really know right now. hmmmmm. 

What turns you away from a story? well. unnecessary plot twists. like, sometimes it’s okay for a story to be predictable and for readers to expect what is happening, because that just means the story makes sense and whatever’s happening is coherent with what happened in the past, yknow???? and sometimes i feel like people stress too much about being unexpected and subverting expectations and wanting to surprise readers that... they throw too many plot twists into a story until it doesn’t make sense, until the flow is disrupted and it ruins the story as a whole. being predictable is not a bad thing!!!!!! and vice versa, shock value isn’t inherently good for your story!

Thoughts on the whole “Mary Sue” topic? ah. well, i don’t like them, but that’s mainly because mary sue’s are so flat as characters that i don’t think any story will happen around them, yknow what i mean? like if they’re so perfect and can do no wrong, there’s not much conflict to be had and the story won’t be as strong. also, i just don’t think they’re particularly realistic or relatable characters, they’re mostly self-indulgent... which is not a bad thing (my whole damn wip is self-indulgent tbh), it’s just... they’re not particularly entertaining to read about either.

OKAY i am tagging: @cawolters @kidsarentallwrite @focusdumbass @inexorableblob @insearchof-solace @kaigods @nyxnevin @inkpot-dreamer @elusiveink @usuallydecentwriter @purplepenblog  && anyone else who wants to do this! my 11 questions are:

What is your favourite type of character to write (in terms of trait, personality, trope, or just basically what you find yourself writing the most)? 

What kind of a writer do you aspire to be?

What kind of book do you really want to write, and why have you not written it yet?

What is the one thing you like best about your own writing?

What is the one thing you want to improve most about your writing?

Do you write things other than conventional novels (e.g. poetry, screenplays, non-fiction)? If no, do you wish to venture out into other forms of writing?

Do you let the people around you read your writing? At which stage do you let them read it (outline, first draft, polished piece)? Why or why not?

What aspects do you like best about writing in general?

Do you tend to stick to what you know when writing, or do you like to write about things outside of your real life?

What do you think about plot twists?

What do you want to see more of in the publishing industry in general? Why? 

(had to include that second last one HAHAHA) alright!! hope y’all enjoy answering these questions!!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Green Book

Well it’s 2019 and we finally solved racism, you guys. It had a good run, but Peter Farrelly and Co. have managed to fix it through the power of - you’re never going to guess - FRIENDSHIP. I have no idea how someone didn’t think of this before now!

But seriously, folks. Green Book is already an awards season heavyweight and an Oscar favorite with its 5 nominations. So is this anything more than a simplistic feel-good story designed to make the Academy sleep better at night? Or is there something to this based-on-(one side of)-a-true-story that, in spite of itself, gives the audience some deeper emotional truths to hold onto? Well...

Let me put it to you this way. Do you think the concept “People who are different from you ALSO have struggles to go through” is a *deep* emotional truth? If so, I am so happy that you are broadening the content you’re intaking in middle school, and I have some solid reading recommendations for you when the next Scholastic Book Fair rolls through town! For the rest of us, a white savior odd couple road trip dramedy should feel as old and tired as fried chicken bones thrown to the side of the road, which YES IS A FEATURED GAG IN THE MOVIE. 

Green Book is the story of Dr. Donald Shirley (Mahershala Ali), a brilliant and extraordinarily gifted concert pianist, who basically invented his own style of music during a decade when the white booking agents in America told him black people could only play jazz onstage. (He was also queer, but we’ll get more into that later). Dr. Shirley embarked on a concert tour through the Deep South in and hired an out-of-work club bouncer from the Bronx named Tony ‘Lip’ Vallelonga (Viggo Mortensen) as his personal driver and valet. Can you imagine the hijinx that ensue?? With a screenplay that was developed by Mr. Farrelly, Brian Currie, and Nick Vallelonga (son of Tony), is it any surprise that we have a movie about racism in 1962 America that centers on an unremarkable middle-aged white man rather than the queer black man who had 3 Ph.Ds and was one of the only black classical musicians performing to sold out audiences at the time? 

Some thoughts:

First of all, for someone who sees as many movies in theaters as I do, I rarely have any problems with disruptive audience members that take me out of the film. But during the Thursday night showing of this movie that I attended, the white couple next to me did the following: a) laughed repeatedly at racial epithets uttered by Tony because he’s just such a lovable racist, right?; b) exclaimed LOUDLY “that’s awesome” when Tony folded a whole pizza in half like a taco and began to eat it; c) whisper-shouted “They’ve never seen anything like that before” when Tony and Dr. Shirley are broken down by the side of the road and a group of presumed slaves see a white man driving a black man; d) repeated both Tony’s and Dr. Shirley’s “laugh lines” about 1.5 seconds after they were spoken, non-stop, for the first hour of the movie. SO you’ll excuse me if some of my bitterness is peeking through, because I know that there are people who enjoyed this movie. I was sitting next to them. And honestly? I don’t want to enjoy whatever movie they were watching, because they were having a fuckload of a different experience from me. 

Perhaps I should have known what to expect from the first illuminating title card that said “The Bronx - New York”. Thank god they clarified, or I would have thought they meant The Bronx in Iowa, and jeez would that have been embarrassing for me. This is the level of hit-you-over-the-head obviousness that touches everything in this movie.

I hate myself for this joke, but when Tony gets the address for his interview with Dr. Shirley and he pulls up to Carnegie Hall, I legitimately thought that they should have had him say “You sure these are the right directions?” And someone else reply “Yeah - practice, practice, practice, then it’s upstairs on the left.” These are real thoughts I have, people. I’m not proud.

A note on perspective - a lot has been written about the failure of the filmmakers to do their due diligence in telling Dr. Shirley’s story. His surviving family members were not consulted AT ALL, even though, without Dr. Shirley, this story would never have existed in the first place. It may be a feel-good tale, it may show two unlikely men looking past their differences to forge a friendship, it may even inspire more folks to investigate Dr. Shirley’s music and his legacy - none of those things are bad, and no one is saying they are! But a person’s story...especially when that story is being told posthumously on their behalf...is the closest the world can get to knowing a person’s soul. And I don’t think anyone can successfully argue that Nick Vallelonga is the best person, or the person with the singular authority, to be the author of Dr. Donald Shirley’s story. Especially when Mr. Vallelonga has a vested interest in smoothing over the rough parts of his father’s story to make them more palatable.

Case in point - after discovering Dr. Shirley naked and handcuffed to a shower with another naked man in a local YMCA on their tour, Tony tells him that he’s not homophobic because he’s “worked in a lot of New York nightclubs” and he’s seen it all before. Oh, so in the Bronx in the 1960s, Tony sees so many gay people that he’s Mr. Tolerant, but he’s never spent any time around BLACK PEOPLE? 

Or how about downplaying any and all connection Tony might have to more “unsavory” white people in his neighborhood. You know the kind of guys who offer you a mysterious job, and when you say “What do I gotta do?” they say “Things.” That’s not a job good people want to do. Those aren’t good people to have in your life. 

Also, the movie does such a forceful job of portraying Dr. Shirley as isolated from his family, from other black people, and from true human connection (seeing as he’s cruising for hookups in a YMCA and has to be rescued gallantly by white knight Tony) that it becomes pointedly hateful. It’s as if to say the only way a queer black man can go through life is isolated and full of self-destructive loathing. 

This may be why the film’s working title could have been RESPECTABILITY POLITICS: THE MOVIE. 

Don’t get me wrong, the performances are great. Both Mahershala Ali and Viggo Mortensen are doing everything they can with the material they’re given and injecting these one-note caricatures of human beings with as much depth and nuance as they can. Much like Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody, I don’t fault the actors for the sins of the writers, directors, and producers - if anything, their performances and the excellent music are the only thing that allowed me to feel any sense of goodwill or enjoyment during the movie at all.

Is there a rule that if you’re going for the big Oscar-winning speech that it has to take place in the rain? Literally watch that gif above and remember that this line was written by a white man whose father worked for this black man. You tell me that you think this movie allows Donald Shirley’s story to be told with any sort of depth or honesty about his emotional interior. 

It’s pandering, it’s overly simplistic, and from a technical standpoint, it’s honestly not that remarkable to look at. It’s all cotton-candy-coated racism solved in time for Christmas dinner and it’s probably going to win a bunch of Oscars and that really fucking sucks.