#it's like the scene from parks and rec where leslie's like 'shes really making me reconsider my stance on the b word.'

[fbfh]

I am going absolutely FERAL over georgie farmer currently

LOOK AT THIS MAN. TAKE A GOOD LOOK.

LOOK HOW IN LOVE HE IS WITH ME HAHA HES SO IN LOVE(I’m so delusional dear god)

OH MY GOD???? OH MY GOD,,,, listen I don't write rpf BUT IF I DID????

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically  and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her  to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend. 

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did. 

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way. 

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina).  Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s  protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

[erikahenningsen]

okay this might be stupid because it seems a bit out of character for them but I felt cheated that we didn't get more fun 'in the closet' relationship moments for Leighton and Alicia so how about something inspired by that scene from parks and rec where Leslie hands out a lists of facts and writes 'you have a cute butt' on the one for Ben but accidentally hands it to Jerry and the whole group is confused - maybe in the women's centre with the crew there?

Twelve more minutes.

In eleven minutes and fifty-two more seconds, Leighton will have fulfilled the hour she promised Alicia she'd stay at the women's center's religion-neutral, pre-winter-break holiday party.

It would be nice if you stayed longer than an hour, Alicia had said pointedly, but Leighton's already sat through three of Ginger's original songs—which she sang while accompanying herself on an out-of-tune ukulele—without any heckling, so Leighton thinks an hour is more than generous.

With eight minutes to go, Alicia calls, "Everyone, circle up!"

Leighton groans. Nothing enjoyable ever happens in their circles.

From behind the couch, Alicia pulls out several gift bags. In her Santa hat that's slightly too big for her head and "ho-ho-ho-homo" sweatshirt, she looks like Santa's gayest elf. Leighton hasn't told her that, because she knows Alicia would take it as a compliment.

"Okay, I know we said no gifts," Alicia says, "but I wanted to get y'all a little something to celebrate making it through a crazy semester." (She looks at Leighton when she says this, which Leighton doesn't really appreciate.) "So... happy holidays."

"Alicia!" Tova says, pressing a hand to their chest. "You shouldn't have."

"It's no biggie," Alicia says, smiling a little sheepishly. "It's my pleasure."

And it is. Leighton has been surprised to learn how sentimental Alicia can be. She's always paying for coffee or showing up at meetings with bagels. Whenever someone needs a pen, Alicia somehow always has one to lend. She even puts all of the hair elastics Leighton leaves lying around her apartment into a little plastic baggie in case Leighton ever wants them back. She’s weird that way, giving without expecting anything in return—actively resisting getting anything in return, in fact, always grabbing their meal bills to split the check before Leighton can put the tab on her dad’s AmEx. 

Alicia hands Leighton her gift bag (which immediately drops glitter all over her new white pants) with a wink. "I think you'll like yours," she murmurs in Leighton's ear, sending a pleasant shiver down Leighton's spine.

"Will I?" Leighton asks, raising an eyebrow. She peers into the bag and starts rooting through the tissue paper. There's lip balm, hand lotion, a Sips gift card, and some assorted candy. She glances up confusedly; Alicia is biting her lip, smirking, and Leighton is trying to figure out what in the bag is so special.

"Uh, Alicia?" Ginger calls.

"Yeah?" Alicia says distractedly.

"While I appreciate that this is a safe and open space to explore our sexuality, it appears that I am the only one who received this... which makes me think it wasn't intended for me," Ginger says. She reaches into her gift bag and pulls out a small box, the picture on it clearly indicating that it contains a vibrator.

It’s horrifying and hilarious, the way the color drains from Alicia’s face as she realizes her mistake. 

“Uh, nope, definitely my mistake,” Alicia says, plucking the box from Ginger’s hand and stuffing it deep into her sweatshirt pocket. “I don’t... I don’t know how that ended up in your bag.”

“Who is it supposed to be for?” Tova asks, leaning forward. “Are you seeing someone?”

Alicia glances at Leighton, who shakes her head subtly. She doesn’t like asking Alicia to lie. She hates it, actually—making the most honest and open person she’s ever met keep a piece of her life hidden. But this is not how Leighton is going to come out.

And, really, it’s Alicia’s fault.

“No, not seeing someone,” Alicia says. “It’s, uh, mine. It must have gotten mixed in with the bag of gifts or something.”

A beat of silence passes.

“Respect,” Leighton offers. “Self care comes first.”

Alicia glares at her out of the corner of her eye.

“No worries,” Ginger says. “I hope you, um, enjoy it.”

“Well on that note, I’m out.” Leighton stands, brushing the glitter off of her pants. “I’ve been here past my requisite hour and Theta’s having an actual party where we’re allowed to say the word Christmas.”

As she brushes past Alicia on her way to the door, Leighton leans in and whispers, “Meet you at your place to use my new gift? I mean, unless you’d rather use it with Ginger.”

Alicia snorts. “I’d rather die.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

Glancing around to make sure the coast is clear, Leighton gives Alicia’s hand a quick squeeze before heading out.

She stayed an extra thirteen minutes past the hour, but she’s sure she can find a way for Alicia to make it up to her.

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Death by a Thousand Cuts - j. debrusk

Trying to venture into some new territory, let me know what you think! Title’s from the Taylor Swift song. 4.8k of post-breakup Jake DeBrusk angst, as always, I love hearing feedback! I read all the tags, so feel free to reblog, pop into my inbox, anything!

Wine pairing from someone with zero authority on the subject: a full-bodied Syrah - smooth, fruity, the kind of wine I’d want to drink if I was sad. 

My heart, my hips, my body, my love/Trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch

Shadi threw back another shot, wincing as the vodka burned down her throat. Clara rubbed her back sympathetically. “Better?” She shrugged. Alcohol was great for forgetting things, but there were some wounds too fresh and too deep for even a Sazerac to cure. And her wounds were named Jake DeBrusk.

Jake had been her everything, still was her everything, and the idea that she was somehow now in charge of forgetting everything they had shared was more than she could bear. Breakups weren’t something Shadi took lightly, and especially when she had spent the past year falling more in love with him with each breath she took. Forgetting more than a year’s worth of early-morning conversations in his bed, Jake’s hand gently brushing back her hair before kissing her temple and going out to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. Shadi couldn’t start her day without coffee. A year’s worth of games, up in the box with the other WAGs and down in the tunnel, their lips crashing together in the euphoria of a post-win high. A year’s worth of vacations, to Edmonton to visit his family and Dallas to see hers, laying on the white sand beaches of Tahiti in the summer. A year’s worth of falling asleep to him tracing lines between the freckles on her bare back in the glow of the post-sex fog. It wasn’t like she was going to forget any of it anytime soon. And if Shadi was being honest with herself, it wasn’t like she wanted to. 

---

Shadi met Jake just after moving into her new apartment with Clara, her best friend from BC, when they decided to celebrate their newfound jobs and independence with a bar crawl. As luck would have it, they never actually made it past the first one. Clara had just finished up her first week as a tenth grade English teacher, and Shadi had the weekend to relax before her marketing analytics post started on Monday. 

She wasn't going out to meet someone, not really, but if there was someone attractive enough and charming enough she wasn’t absolutely opposed to spending the night in a bed that wasn’t her own. Shadi sat at the bar, responding to a few texts and sipping her drink as she waited for Clara to return from the bathroom. She wasn’t paying enough attention to her surroundings to notice someone sidle up next to her, getting a little too close for comfort. “Hey,” he said loudly, startling her. Shadi looked up — way up, he was at least six or seven inches taller than her 5’5 — to the stranger’s face, flashing a tight smile. She didn’t know any women who particularly liked to be accosted in the middle of a drink. 

“Hey,” she said. 

He inched closer. “I’m Darren, nice to meet you.”

As much as she’d really just like to be able to tell the guy to fuck all the way off, Shadi hated that it was a far better decision for her safety and security to just try and tacitly go along with it. Let him down easy. 

“Shadi,” she responded. 

He whistled, and she internally cringed, trying as subtly as she could to look towards the bathrooms and trying to spot Clara. More than once, they had pretended to be a couple at bars to get each other out of situations exactly like this one. “Shadi,” he said, testing out the name. “What is that? Arabic? Indian?”

Now she visibly cringed, raising her eyebrows. Great, he’s racist as well as a creep. “Neither. I’m Persian.” 

“Cool, super cool,” he said, nodding. “So, Shadi, what brings you here?”

“Starting a new job next week,” she said, looking back down at her phone, trying to give him just enough information to keep him from being pissed at her. 

Darren finished his drink. “That’s cool, yeah. Good for you. I work in finance. High-level account managing and stuff. It’s a lot of responsibility, but I like the challenge.” Great, add finance bro to the list of reasons why I’ll never go home with this guy, Shadi thought. 

“Nice,” Shadi said, looking away and taking a sip of her drink and trying her damndest to make it clear she wasn’t interested. 

Darren moved even closer, his hand now resting on her waist as Shadi leaned as far away from him as she could while still staying on her seat, looking frantically around for Clara, or anyone, to bail her out. “You come here with anyone?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shadi said nervously, eyes still sweeping the room. “My boyfriend should be around here somewhere.” Darren didn’t need to know she didn’t have a boyfriend, and as much as she hated that men like him were more likely to leave her alone if they thought she was spoken for than if she told him herself she wasn’t interested, it was the best thing she could do in the moment. 

Darren took a cursory glance around the room. “I don’t see anyone coming,” he noted. “You sure about that, Shadi?

“Yes,” she squeaked, as his hand tightened around her waist and she froze like a deer in headlights, too stiff to flag down the bartender.

“It’s polite to look at people when they’re talking to you, or did they not teach that where you’re from?” 

Shaking, she turned back to look at him. “I’m from Texas,” she spat. 

“I think we could really have some fun together, if you’d just stop being so uptight we could really—” Darren didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, his arm being forcefully removed from her waist. She swung around, meeting the eyes of her unknown savior, who was too busy glaring at the man across from her to even meet her eyes. 

“Seems like you’re having a hard time taking no for an answer,” he said. 

Darren looked up, rubbing his wrist from where it had been in a vice grip only moments before. “You the boyfriend?”

The other man didn’t even flinch. “Yeah, I’m the boyfriend. Even if I wasn’t, she clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you, but she’s just too polite to tell you to fuck off. Luckily,” he smirked. “I’m not.”

Darren rolled his eyes, grabbing his half-empty glass and inching away from the bar. “Whatever. Wouldn’t have been worth it anyways.” 

Shadi collapsed into her hands as soon as he was out of earshot, breathing shakily. The stranger reached out tentatively, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her. “You okay?”

She leaned back, taking another drink and nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be okay, it’s not like it’s the first time this has happened. He just really didn’t want to leave me alone and I couldn’t find my friend and he didn’t seem to be getting the message that I wasn’t interested.” 

He grimaced. “On behalf of my entire gender, I apologize for all the shitty men you have ever had to encounter.”

“Thank you,” she said, laughing slightly and setting her glass back down on the bar. “And thanks for stepping in, you really didn’t have to.”

He shook his head. “I just did what any decent guy would do. I’ve got a sister, girls deserve to feel safe in bars.”

“Regardless,” she added, “I appreciated it. And just so you know,” she said, pausing, “you don’t have to worry about an actual boyfriend coming around. I’ve just found it’s the easiest way for guys to leave me alone.” Shadi surprised herself; she wasn’t normally this bold. 

He dipped his head. “Good to know. Probably should properly introduce myself, then. Jake DeBrusk,” he said, sticking his hand out. 

“Shadi Azizi.” She shook it, smirking slightly as she took a sip of her drink. “I know.” 

He smiled bashfully, scratching his head. “Hockey fan?” 

She nodded. “I’ll go to Bruins games when I can make it, but I’m from Dallas, so…” she shrugged. 

“You’ve already sold your soul to the Stars,” Jake finished. 

Shadi laughed. “Yep. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the girl.”

Jake eyed her glass, seeing that she was nearly finished. “Can I get you another?” Shadi nodded after a moment. “Sure.” He caught the bartender’s eye. “What are you drinking?” “Whiskey on the rocks.” Jake leaned back on his stool, clutching his hands over his chest. “A woman after my own heart.”

---

Three months later, it was November, and Shadi was in Jake’s kitchen, doling out Chinese takeout onto two plates. “Beer?” she asked over the counter, to where Jake was flopped on the couch, flipping through channels in hopes of finding something mildly interesting to watch.

“Yes please,” he shot back. He had just gotten back from a road trip that afternoon, eleven days in the Midwest, and there were few things he wanted more than to be back in Shadi’s arms. They had started a sort of unspoken tradition; Shadi had taken to spending the night whenever Jake came back from a road trip, and he wasn’t about to start complaining. He loved his job and he loved his team, but after a week or two of being around them practically 24/7, he didn’t want to waste any time getting back to her. 

Shadi padded back towards the living room, sliding a plate of lo mein and fried rice over to Jake, who leaned in and kissed her shoulder. “Thanks, babe,” he said, putting the remote down. “Parks and Rec good with you?”

She nodded, mouth full. “Doesn’t take much to convince me. I’d kill a man for Leslie Knope.”

Jake laughed. Shadi looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. “You think I’m joking?”

He held his free hand up in mock surrender, the other balancing his plate on the arm of the couch. “I should have known better. Will you ever forgive me?”

“Maybe,” Shadi said, scrunching up her nose. “I think I can find it somewhere deep in the recesses of my cold, dead heart.” 

Things between Jake and Shadi had gotten pretty serious pretty quickly, certainly more quickly than Jake was expecting. But, as he was realizing, that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. The scene was definitely more domestic than he was used to; it wasn’t unusual for him and Shadi to join some of their friends or the team for a night out at the bars or clubs, but it was just as common to have an evening in. It was nice, being together like this. Domesticity was never something that was quite his style, but as he thought, looking over at Shadi, who was entirely engrossed in Leslie’s valiant attempts to control a town hall meeting, maybe it could become his style.

You said it was a great love, one for the ages/But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

It was the end of January, and Shadi was in Edmonton. Jake had told her about Boston’s bye week about two months earlier, the plan having originally been to drive up to New Hampshire for a week of camping in White Mountain. But then Jake had been selected for the All-Star Team, much to his surprise — not Shadi’s, who had been convinced he’d be picked practically since the season started —  and their schedule had been turned on its head. He had decided that it would make more sense to visit his family. Shadi didn’t complain; she had just started to get used to Boston winters, and wasn’t confident in her ability to go a week in a tent in the middle of January.

What surprised her, though, was when he invited her to come with him. She had never met his parents in person before. Over FaceTime, sure, but it wasn’t the same. Jake was initially very shy about extending the invitation, almost as if he wasn’t sure if that was something she wanted or was ready for. His concern was sweet, but Shadi was more touched that he had asked her to come in the first place, and put in her request for vacation time that night. 

The flight wasn’t much over six hours, a short layover in Montréal and one connection later and they landed in Edmonton. Shadi met up with Jake just outside of passport control, pulling her pea coat tightly around herself. “Ooh,” she said, breathing out shakily. “Bit chilly here, no?”

Jake laughed. Oh, if only she knew. “Wait till you get outside, babe. It’s January in the middle of Alberta.”

“How bad can it get?” Shadi asked naively. Pretty bad, as she found out the moment they stepped outside the terminal into the freezing air. She was suddenly very grateful her parka was in her bag, a Patagonia jacket that had been one of her first big purchases when she moved to Boston. Jake was having a very good fun time poking fun at her in the three minutes it took for his parents to pull up. 

“Aww, is my Texas girl cold? Is she having trouble dealing with real weather?”

Shadi glared at him. “Shut up.”

His parents were incredible, kind and welcoming from the moment they picked them up at the airport. They drove them back to Jake’s childhood home, where his sister greeted her with a hug. She had visited Boston a few weeks prior, her and Shadi immediately getting along thanks to their shared taste in coffee orders and music. They had swapped Spotify playlists more than one time since her visit. 

The week she spent in Edmonton was amazing. Even though she may have been a little bit apprehensive from the start, all of her worries were just distant memories by the time they had to get back on the plane. She had always been good with parents; whether it was her best friend or her boyfriend, they had always liked her. Making a good impression and being unfailingly respectful, especially to her elders, was a value that had been instilled in her from a young age. She had brought a tin of qurabiya on the plane as a gift for them, after a half-dozen Google searches to make sure she could bring them across the border and a twenty minute long phone call with her mom to make sure she was using the right type of almonds. They loved them, and seeing the tin already empty on the third day of her trip filled her heart.

“She’s really good for you, you know,” his mom said, as he was packing his suitcase for the flight back. “You’re still you, fun and spontaneous and caring. But you’re a more mature, thoughtful version of yourself. And I think that’s thanks to Shadi.”

Jake blushed, shoving his toothbrush in his toiletry bag. “She is. She’s great, Mom. We have so much fun together, and she really does bring out the best in me.” He paused for a moment. “I think I’m in love with her.”

His mom raised her eyebrows, not surprised and certainly not disappointed, but a little astonished that he had realized himself what she saw from the moment they had landed in Canada. She had just been waiting for him to admit it. “You do?” she asked, a hint of a smile on her face.

He nodded, more sure this time. “I’m in love with her, Mom.”

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand/Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

“You doing okay, babe?” Clara asked gently, one hand on Shadi’s back as she nursed her third beer of the night. Shadi reached up to try and wipe away her tears. Thank God she hadn’t worn any mascara. She nodded, trying to flash her best friend a smile, but it didn’t meet her eyes. 

Shadi hadn’t ever been the kind of person to put up walls. That was Jake’s thing. But she was a great actress, and if Clara hadn’t known her as well as she did, she wouldn’t have been able to call her on it. 

“Bullshit, Shadi. You’re not fine and I know it. You know it.” God, Clara could read her like a book. It wasn’t okay, she wasn’t okay, and she sure as hell wasn’t over him. She didn’t know when she would be over him. If ever. 

They said that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it burned in one. If Rome was a metaphor for their relationship, Shadi would say there’s never been a more accurate phrase. All it took was five minutes for Jake to break her heart, for the world they had built together to come crumbling apart around her. As much as she hated it, there was still a part of her that couldn’t help but try to look back on that night. Shadi almost called bullshit on him the moment he said he was breaking up with her, because he had never even brought it up before, and that’s not something you just drop on someone like he did, right? But she didn’t, she hadn’t gotten closure and hadn’t gotten a reason, an actual reason, and so any curly hair she saw out of the corner of her eye that night she kept hoping was Jake’s, and any cocky smile from some guy trying to buy her a drink — she’d let them, for the free alcohol, but they never got a conversation out of her — she kept wishing was his. 

---

It was September, and Shadi felt like she was walking on air. She and Jake had celebrated their one year anniversary a month ago, and things couldn’t be going better. Training camp for the new season had started, which had begun to take up more of his time than she maybe would have liked, but she was dealing with it. They both were. It was like Shadi had told him two months into their relationship, and countless times since: she knew what she was signing up for, knew that sometimes she would have to take a backseat to hockey, and she was okay with that. Having Jake some of the time was better than not having him at all. 

So when Jake had texted her that morning, asking if she was free to come over that night, she thought nothing of it. Well, scratch that, she thought a lot of it. It had been about two weeks since they had had a proper date night; while she loved him sneaking into her apartment to sleep for a few hours before he had to get up or meeting in the mornings for coffee and bagels, they were in desperate need of some alone time. Jake hadn’t exactly been distant since their anniversary, but it had definitely seemed like something was on his mind. And when she asked Clara, or her older sister Yasmin, or Hannah, her best friend in Houston, they all said the same thing. If nothing seemed like it was going wrong, but he was seeming distant, but they were still communicating, then there was really only one possibility, at least according to them. He was going to propose. 

So Shadi took a little longer in front of the mirror, put on her good jeans instead of just a pair of sweats, ran a comb through her hair. She grabbed her car keys, locking the door to her apartment and nervously pressing on the elevator button. Why was she nervous? She was in love with Jake. She saw a future with him, a future together. If tonight was going to be the start of forever, there was nothing to be afraid of. I wonder what Jake’s doing now, Shadi thought. Was he waiting for her on the couch? Trying to cook pasta, the only dinner he could reliably make without burning? Pacing back and forth in his room, turning over the ring box in his hand? The ring. What did it look like? Did he buy it new, or was it a family heirloom? Did he ask any of the guys on the team for tips, or did — Stop it, Shadi reminded herself. He doesn’t have to be proposing. We do nights in almost every week. Maybe he just wants to watch a movie. But in the back of her mind, as she pulled out of the parking garage, was the possibility that she was about to walk into one of the most important nights of her life. And it was, but not in the way she thought. Not in the way she wanted. 

Jake’s place was only ten minutes away from hers; before she even knew it, she was killing the engine and walking up the stairs to his door. She tapped her knuckles against the wood. It was barely ten seconds before Jake opened it up, smiling at her.  “Hey, thanks for coming over,” he said, leading her into the living room and pressing a kiss against her cheek, lingering a little longer than usual 

Shadi knew something was off even as they sat on the couch thirty minutes later, Star Wars playing on the screen in front of them. If she was being honest, she knew something was wrong from the moment she got there. Jake was acting stuff, not distant, but almost confused. LIke he had something on his mind that he couldn’t quite spit out. And it didn’t seem like a proposal. “Alright,” Shadi said, huffing and propping herself up on one arm to face Jake. “What’s up.”

To his credit, he didn’t mince words, didn’t play dumb. He knew better than to insult her intelligence like that, and she knew better than to believe him. “You noticed, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “I love you for a lot of reasons, J, but you really do have a terrible poker face.”

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair, leaving a piece hanging in front of his eye. “Alright,” he said, in that kind of I-know-what-I-need-to-say-but-I-don’t-want-to-say-it tone, the one that she wasn’t expecting. The one that never means good news. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on my life, our lives over the past thirteen months we’ve been together, and I’ve loved every minute of the time that we’ve spent together.” Okay, Shadi furrowed her brows, where’s he going with this? “I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities in life, where they are right now and where I think they should be. And I’ve realized that,” he swallowed, “I’m at a place in my life where I need to be focusing on hockey.” Oh no. “And I don’t think I’m in a position where I can have a relationship and be as invested in my career as I need to be.” Oh God. 

Shadi sat up, stunned. “Are you...Are you breaking up with me?” 

Jake nodded his head jerkily. “And I want you to know that I don’t regret anything about our relationship. I don’t have anything bad to say about you, or the time we’ve spent together, or anything. I just don’t think I’m able to give you, or our relationship, the attention it deserves. You deserve someone who’s going to be able to dedicate a hundred percent to you, and as much as I wish I could, I don’t think I’m that person.”

“So, you’re saying I’m a distraction?” Shadi asked slowly, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. 

Jake ran a hand through his hair, tangling his fingers in his curls. “Fuck. No. That’s not it. I just don’t know if I’m in a place where I’m able to juggle two things that are so important, and that I want to dedicate this much time to.” 

She scoffed. “Are you really trying to pull the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line with me, DeBrusk?” That stung. She never called him by his last name, not even when they started dating. It was J, or babe, or even Jake if she was particularly annoyed, but never just DeBrusk. 

“Would it make you feel better if I was?” 

Shadi shook her head. “It’s worse. Don’t you know that it’s worse? Because then there’s not anything I feel like I could have done differently. Nothing I could have done to change your mind.” Her eyes drifted down to her right hand, where the gorgeous pearl ring Jake had gotten her for their anniversary just a month prior sat on her ring finger. “You said you were going to marry me one day,” Shadi said, sliding her fingertips down to the band and gently twisting it off. Her hand felt bare, even though it had only been there for a month. Jake’s breath caught in his throat. Never make a promise you can’t keep. 

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

God, sometimes Shadi just felt so fucking stupid. She almost felt naive, shortsighted from not listening to her friends in Boston, or people back home who warned her about Jake.“You know his reputation. You know how hockey players are” Shadi couldn’t count the number of times people had told her that, and the number of times she hadn’t listened. “He doesn’t stick with any one girl.” “I know you like him, but he’s only going to break your heart.” But the thing was, he hadn’t. Jake had made it clear, straight from the start of their relationship, that they were exclusive, and he backed it up. She wore his jersey to games, went as his date to all the Bruins fundraisers, and took the week off to come with him when he was selected for the All-Star Game. Jake knew his reputation better than anyone, and that’s why he was so committed to making sure she knew that he wasn’t the kind of guy everyone kept trying to peg him as. And Shadi had never felt so much pride then when she was able to turn around, prove them wrong, and say: “You see? He’s never done anything to hurt me, and he’s not about to start now.” 

But she couldn’t, not anymore. She couldn’t, because they all had been right and he had broken his promises and her heart and now she was crying in a bar with her best friend on a Friday night and had no clue how to get a grip of her feelings. She pounded back another beer, barely even stopping to swallow before ordering a fourth round. Or was it a fifth? She didn’t know, and at that point, she really didn’t care. 

I get drunk, but it's not enough/’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

Sometime past one but before her next door neighbor’s chihuahua always started barking at two, Shadi stumbled into her apartment. She unstrapped her heels and placed them haphazardly by the door as she walked down to the bathroom, reaching around the cupboard for her toothpaste. Teeth were brushed and flossed, and she had shed nearly all of her clothes by the time she reached her bed. She grabbed the nearest sweatshirt to pull over her body as makeshift pajamas, only half paying attention. Shadi was too tired to look too closely; if she had, she would have noticed that it was a Bruins hoodie, the very first one Jake had ever given to her, a month and a half into their relationship. 

It seemed like Shadi had barely drifted off to sleep when she was woken up by the sound of frantic knocks on her door. Her first thought was something was wrong with Clara, who lived down the hall, that she wasn’t feeling well or needed to be talked out of texting her ex-girlfriend. It had happened before. But then she realized that Clara would have called first. Then her thought was a fire somewhere, but she didn’t smell smoke and her alarm hadn’t gone off. The knocking persisted. “Okay, okay, I’m coming. You’re going to wake up the whole building,” Shadi grumbled, throwing back the covers and padding out to the living room, pants be damned. 

She tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes, the harsh light of the hallway fluorescents the first thing she noticed as the door swung open. The second thing was the person standing in front of it. It was Jake. His hand was frozen in the air, like he was about to knock for a fourth time if she hadn’t answered. “What are you doing here?” she whispered, her voice small. She didn’t trust it to speak any louder. 

Jake’s breath hitched as he noticed what she was wearing. His sweatshirt. He stuffed his hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out her pearl ring. The same one she had taken off the day he left, the same one he had given her when his thoughts of the future were filled with big houses and weddings and kids’ birthday parties. He held it out to her. “I had to see you.”

[thehoneyedhufflepuff]

So first of all, BTL chapter 17 was amazing! (Like they all are!! 💜) What I wanted to ask-did getting the chapter out there feel like it broke through some of your writer’s block? Or do you think the next chapter might be another tough one? I’ll read BTL even if updates take years, but how are you feeling about the upcoming chapters? I’m struggling with writers block in some of my fics too so I completely get it, it’s tough to work when the brain has other plans!

Thank you so much re: chapter 17. It’s always a joy to know that y’all liked the new chapter. And God, I sure as hell hope updates don’t take literal years, but I was literally driving home the other day & I had the thought, How long will it take me to finish this story? & then I got tired when I thought about the potential answers, lmao. But that’s very kind, thank you.

The thing with this fic (in a very small nutshell) is this: I barely know what’s happening before I write the chapter. I have emotional plot points I want to hit, & I’m starting to drive us towards the climax, but I have no idea how long it’ll take to get there. Literally all I knew for last chapter was: get to Hampshire, Baz & Dev & Niall have some sort of Christmas Eve tradition & I think it’s outdoors, Niall has feelings, Baz totally kidnapped Simon’s sweater. Probably wanks.

...You can see how this might present a challenge while actually writing lol. I have the climactic scene as a mood in my head, & a little bit of dialogue already written down, & a general idea of how to get there...but IDK what the meat of the chapters will be, if that makes sense? I’ve got the bones—general plot points—& the blood—the emotion—but that doesn’t make a whole living thing....if that made any sense at all.

That was my very wordy way of saying that I barely have a clue what’s going on next chapter besides Baz & Niall talk, Baz & Simon text, & probably wanks. These things come to me as I write. I was very stuck last chapter once I got Baz to Hampshire, for example, & the chapter didn’t start to really flow until I had Mordelia call out Baz’s hickey. Which is a weird catalyst but they almost always are. This is my lengthy way of saying I’m not a terribly organized writer.

Which is to say...I’m not sure how next chapter is going to go! I have a bit of dialogue started that picks up right from the end of 17, but that’s it. I’m taking a few days away from it at the moment. I’m drawing, & mildly stressing about the COBB, & also trying to brainstorm a bit for the fic I’m writing for the @goldendayszine raffle. BTL updates might be more like monthly instead of biweekly (which is sort of what they used to be, before the holidays & the writer’s block happened) because I’ll also be working on my bang fic here pretty soon...

Honestly, though, I think the block I was having was mostly due to 1. Burning myself out during the countdown (that was SO stressful, & I still can’t believe I managed it) & 2. A bunch of personal shit that came up last month & early this month, most of which has passed or is currently in the process of passing. I just was not in the mental state to write for a bit with everything that was going on. Now that those stressors are out of the way, I expect writing will be easier.

Wow I have rambled but verbosity is pretty much my brand at this point so I am not surprised. Sorry to hear about your block as well. I think my best advice is that sometimes we literally just need to rest in order to produce later. Mr HH had me watching Parks & Rec with him a few weeks ago & we watched the episode where Leslie is freaking out because she has no ideas & then Ron locks her in a bedroom & makes her sleep, & then she wakes up with a bunch of ideas—that spoke to me lmao. And I keep relaying this story to everyone who tells me they have writer’s block because it’s just...so valid. ALSO give yourself grace. I didn’t stand a chance of writing while I was stressing about the fact that I wasn’t writing. I tried to let go of that, & once I took the pressure off the block lifted much faster.

ANYWAY lol thank you so much for the compliments; they always mean a lot to me. Here’s to wishing the both of us luck in our writing endeavors. 💜

[hazelsrollins]

[ conor leslie, twenty-seven, cisfemale, she/her] ━ did y'all see [ hazel rollins ] walkin’ into [ custard's last stand? ] they’ve lived in frostford for [ twenty seven years, ] and you can catch ‘em around town working as a [ dog walker/seasonal worker at rollins farm/cashier at lowry's]. I reckon they’re pretty [ adventurous & compassionate ] but I hear they can also be kinda [ foolhardy & flighty. ] if ya see ‘em around, be sure to say hi.

hello it is i, aly, and i sliced my thumb open while making dinner so have some sympathy on me and come plot with hazel!

frostford native, sister to colton, carson & hailie rollins ( two other siblings that are NPC )

she hates to be all pollyanna and shit but holy smokes does she love her family??? all of her siblings, her mama and her daddy, family is everything!!

she loves the farm but only works on it seasonally because haunted hayrides and christmas lights??? are her favorite

mostly also because she has an ABUNDANCE of energy and has this need to have a million and three jobs all at once, kind of grows weary of her jobs quickly,

has probably worked for every mom and pop in town and a few of the restaurants, too, she’s not a BAD employee she just gets bored kind of easily and also just likes to have her hands in everything

but she’s always been a dog walker, literally since she was thirteen years old and she was trying to prove responsible to her parents enough to have her own dog 

she put posters up around town advertising a VERY responsible VERY mature thirteen year old kid who would walk your dog for three bucks a walk

still does it but she makes a lot more NOW ok and she’s got THREE dogs and a horse on the farm too, she just really loves dogs, do you love dogs too? then she’s your friend and she’s also your dog walker now thanks

ive never seen parks and rec but that scene where leslie is like i adopted all these animals??? thats hazel

so FUCKING nice, like ???? some people don’t deserve her kindness but hazel doesn’t falter because you never know when someone is having a bad day or week, you never know what they’re going through

kind of a thrill seeker, definitely set up a much higher rope swing than the one that’s already there at the riverbank and her initials are one hundred percent on the water tower, loves the outdoor, loves adventure, loves to fish and camp

has had her slew of relationships around town, ( she loves the idea of falling in love but also doesn’t think she’s ready to settle down either, her parents have an ideal marriage which is something she wants but she has so much time for that right? ) 

a few years back she was seriously dating cooper slade, they were ~in love and cooper proposed to hazel in front of her entire family and that’s when hazel realized that she not only wasn’t ready to be someone’s wife, that she wasn’t in love with cooper and she said no, and then ended things

had a couple of relationships since then including one rebound relationship with dick grey who she loves til the ends of the earth but just like bouncing from job to job, they never lasted, she kind of just always saw them as her having a good time with that person and less as a defined relationship

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

12, 17, 19

Top 5 LGBTQ+ characters

XENA AND GABRIELLE. THEY ARE FOREVER SOULMATES & THEREFORE COUNT AS ONE CHARACTER!!!!

Oscar Martinez

Villanelle

Raymond Holt

David Rose

I also feel like Willow and Tara belong on this list. My inner teenage Buffy fangirl heart burns bright with love for them always!

SHOUTOUT TO AUNT JOSEPHINE FROM ANNE WITH AN E, ELEGANT SNARK MASTER, THROWER OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PARTY EVER ON TELEVISION.

Top 5 “deserved better” charactersHoo boy.

Tara Maclay. I’m always upset about it. ALWAYS.

Marian from Robin Hood. The pain is old but eternal! Because, like … dear God, that sucked!

Rory Gilmore. I know it’s been awhile since I last lamented. What … the hell, revival???

Daenerys Targaryen. Like … oof. That one hurt, y’all.

Ann Perkins. I know that technically her life was fine, but I WILL NEVER FORGIVE PARKS & REC FOR WRITING HER OFF AND FOR TEARING ANN AND LESLIE ASUNDER. NEVER, I SAY!

Runners up: Kate McKenzie from Last Tango in Halifax; Robin Scherbatsky; pretty much every woman on Game of Thrones, honestly, and also Jaime Lannister; like everybody on Buffy and Angel but especially all the women (JENNY! ANYA! CORDELIA DAMN CHASE! FRED! LILAH!!!!); CHARLOTTE WELLS; pretty much any woman who got pregnant on Gilmore Girls; Lane Kim in the revival because wtf, where was she?!?!?!?!, give me my g.d. Lane and Hep Alien spinoff to atone (it can be in mockumentary style if you want, that could be super fun – just a small town band in quaint Stars Hollow trying to make it big while juggling families, friends, and many absurd local festivals! Netflix, please make this show; I will showrun, I have nothing else going on!); I know this is controversial, but Logan Huntzberger; like all the supporting characters on The Handmaid’s Tale in season three because WHERE WERE THEY; this list could go on forever so I better stop now. And oh, hey! ANGELA FROM BOY MEETS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl Meets World is dead to me. Except for a few select cherished reunion scenes.

ALSO BERTHA MASON. I need to stop editing this post.

Top 5 underrated characters

(Aaah, I forgot to include this one when I first posted!)

Amy Matthews, aka the mom from Boy Meets World. She rules. So does Papa Matthews, but not as much as Amy.

Daisy from Downton Abbey. A delight always, yet seldom mentioned!

Henry Higgs from Selfie. I just feel like he’s the actual perfect leading man in a romcom, and yet we’re forgetting him as a society due to the show’s tragic short-lived-ness! Nooo! Remember when he got Sansa Stark on a “Which GOT character are you?” quiz and punched the air in delight? I DO!

Luke from The Handmaid’s Tale. I know it’s cool to not love him for whatever reason, but I love him.

Nellie Bertram, aka Catherine Tate, from The Office. i really enjoyed her character so much and I love that she and Pam became friends! In my head, David Tennant will always play her horrible magician ex.

[thebachelordiaries]

Cougars vs. Cubs: ‘The Bachelor’ Ep. 2 Recap

Remember the good ‘ol days when The Bachelor just had connotations of sex and never talked about it outright? I miss it.

Now I have to sit through two hours of the sex talk with my mom every Monday night. This is supposed to be my time to relax, but instead I just get nervous that she’s going to gain the courage to ask me about my [nonexistent] sex life. I didn’t sign up for this.

With that being said, I’m going to get through this entire recap without mentioning Colton’s lack of experience. I, for one, have heard the v-word enough. Why does he need to explain his life choices every episode?

This just about explains it. Moving on...

Cougars vs Cubs Group Date

“When people get a little too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.”  —my favorite Ron Swanson quote from “Parks & Rec”

Ron Swanson would never agree to go on “The Bachelor.” His ex-wife Tami is probably holding him against his will.

Hello, where is Leslie Knope? 

Possibly one of the best couples of all time, Nick Offerman aka Ron Swanson and his IRL wife (and on-screen ex-wife) Megan Mullally, hosted a group date where the contestants had to tell an audience of 200 people about their “first time.” The words “first time” are up for interpretation. 

Here’s who went on the date: Hannah G., Onyaka, Elisa, Demi, Tracey, Bri, Nicole and Catherine.

Elyse, who is 31 and apparently considered geriatric to these 23 year olds, talked about her “first time” dating a younger man—Colton. I’d say she’s getting “America’s Sweetheart” edit, which I’m thankful for because nobody wants a 23-year-old Bachelorette unless they’re R-Kelly.

Demi— well, I don’t remember what she talked about— but she did go up to Colton and kiss him in front of all the other girls. The chick has some brass balls. I respect it.

Catherine and Onyeka tried to start drama for attention but nobody cared. Tracy got offended by everything Demi did, and every viewer just wanted Tracey to shut up.

During the cocktail hour portion of the date, Colton had a strong connection with Elyse, the leader of the Cougar Den. 

”I can tell you have this presence, this confidence that not everybody has” -Colton to Elyse

Wait— I just realized her body language in this scene. Yikes.

Apparently all the women age 27 and up in the Bachelor Mansion share a room they call the “Cougar Den.” I don’t really consider someone in their late 20s or early 30s a “cougar” but I guess it’s all relative when the majority of the women are 23. Anyway, I’m going to jump off the nearest cliff. 

What was I doing when I was 23? I’m pretty sure I was an intern and getting paid $10 an hour, but sure, these girls are ready for marriage. Whatever you say, ABC.

Colton is obsessed with Hannah G. He basically admitted to her that she’s one of his top girls. They looked like two lions cuddling:

Colton is the kind of guy to ask Hannah G. to take a nap with him and then actually take a nap.

Nicole talked about her autistic brother. I think she’s going to be a viewer favorite but not necessarily one of Colton’s top girls.

Elyse, the leader of the Cougar Den, got the group date rose.

Team leader board:

Cougars-1 

Cubs- 0

Hannah B.’s Birthday 1-on-1

The “B” in Hannah B. stands for “birthday,” because in case you happened to become deaf, dumb and blind when watching this show, it was Hannah B.’s birthday the day she had her 1-on-1. 

There’s something maniacal about the way Hannah B. smiles. It’s like she’s one big disappointment away from keying your car or poisoning your food. I do feel bad for her in a way: she’s a beauty queen, but Caelynn is a better one. She’s named Hannah and is from Alabama, but Hannah G. is from Alabama and Colton’s basically already in love with her. She’s “Miss Second Best.”

But hey, at least she still has her birthday. 

I think Colton also sensed Hannah B.’s craziness because he gave her a date rose despite them having a very silence-filled, awkward time. Colton is a lot smarter than we think. imagine Hannah didn't get a rose on her birthday?! I do NOT want to see her reaction. No thank you. She’s gonna need a straight jacket when it’s her time to leave. Maybe that’s why Colton jumps a fence this season: to escape Hannah B.

Summer Camp Group Date

So this group date had another Parks & Rec guest host: Billy Eichner.

A small anecdote: 

Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

The girls (everyone else who wasn’t on the prior dates) had to do summer camp activities to see which group would prevail. In the end it came down to a tug-o-war competition and the losing team had to go home.

Surprise, surprise...the group with all of Colton’s favorite girls won: Cassie, Heather, Katie, Caelynn, Tayshia and Alex.

Katie, similar to night one, got so close to Colton that he was basically forced to make out with her.

Caelynn did her charming beauty pageant thing to make Colton become obsessed with her. Viewers also came to find out this episode there is some sort of drama between her and Hannah B. They were roommates at Miss USA and now they don’t talk. Caelynn thinks Hannah B. is jealous of her first runner-up status. But what is the truth? Is it too much for them to have a Mean Girls-style brawl? It’s what we all want. I feel like Caelynn would win, but Hannah does have craziness on her side.

Heather told Colton she has never been kissed before and I think Colton enjoyed the balance of power. 

The way Colton said “really?” after Heather said she never kissed anyone was hilarious to me. You can really tell he likes having someone here with even less experience than him. I feel like he keeps her around for this reason.

Heather got the group date rose.

Rose Ceremony

Demi, dressed in a bathrobe, took Colton to the “Fantasy Closet” and gave him a massage as the other girls looked on.

Line of the night goes to Kaitlyn: “Does she not have parents? I’m just confused.” Well, her mom is in prison so does that explain a few things for ya?

Tracy was so offended by Demi’s “fantasy closet” that she cried, which was honestly kind of pathetic. Just let Demi entertain us and mind your own business, Tracey. Ugh, her eyebrow arch gives me a migraine.

I want to love Demi, but I don’t. I want this little pipsqueak to tell me to my face that I’m an “older woman.” Demi, I don’t have a lot of confidence you will look as good as Elyse when you’re 31. I mean, it’s not her fault that her mom probably didn’t teach her to wear sunscreen and she looks like she’s been substituting Monster Energy drinks for water since she was 12.

I will, however, credit her for owning Tracey this rose ceremony. Tracey is just extremely unlikeable.

Team leader board:

Cougars-1

Cubs- 1

Alex, Annie, Erika and Angelique were sent home. Sounds about right: at this point you either need to be perfect looking or an absolute psycho. If you’re a 9.5 looks-wise and normal, you have to go. Sorry I don’t make the rules.

What age does someone become an “older woman” anyway?

[sage-nebula]

Well, it looks like Vanity Fair has joined Buzzfeed in not knowing anything about The Office but wanting to talk shit on it anyway. Here’s the newest nonsense:

For example, some time after Schur stopped receiving full writing credit on episodes of ‘The Office'—he was busy launching ‘Parks and Recreation'—the show made the mistake of driving a wedge between Jim and Pam in its final season. That’s not to say real couples don’t go through tumult, but the character assassination of Jim Halpert in the pursuit of high-stakes drama caused a beloved show to end on a sour note. No such trauma ever touched Leslie and Ben’s marriage and it feels unlikely that anything like it would befall Amy and Jake.

The writer of this article could not be more wrong about Jim/Pam or the series finale of The Office if they were a six-year-old who had never watched anything but Care Bears, and because I’m feeling pretty irate about it, I’m going to respond. (Beneath a cut, though, because this is long and I’m not bothering to be polite about it.)

First of all, just to get this out of the way: Jim throwing himself wholeheartedly into Athleap, to the point where it caused marital strife between himself and Pam, was nowhere near “character assassination.” “Character assassination” is what occurs when a character is written out of character, often for the sake of strife or drama, and that is far and away not what happened here.

Don’t get me wrong, before anyone gets it twisted: I love Jim Halpert. He’s far and away one of my favorite characters on The Office. But the reason why I love him is because he’s a realistic, believably written character who has as many flaws as he has good qualities (and the same goes for Pam, and every other character on the show). Jim was never supposed to be an idealized perfect boyfriend like Ben Wyatt. You want to talk about how Ben and Leslie never have problems? It’s because Ben and Leslie were written to be ideals. Parks and Recreation was written to be an optimistic, idealistic show, removed from the confines of reality. The reason why Pawnee, IN is so completely ridiculous is because it was always meant to be somewhat absurdist. The antagonists are cartoonish, and the protagonists are all idealized. Ben Wyatt was written to be The Perfect Boyfriend™. Any flaws he has, such as being “geeky,” only serve to make him more endearing and lovable. He is an Ideal. Leslie is an Ideal. And as such, their relationship is Ideal and, therefore, would never have realistic problems that would actually affect real, living, breathing human beings.

Jim and Pam are not like that. Jim, from season one, has always had actual flaws that could cause problems in his relationships. In season two’s “Office Olympics” Pam herself has a talking head where she talks about how, when Jim gets really into something, he gets super into it and does a really great job. But the problem, Pam says, is that he works at Dunder-Mifflin, so that rarely ever happens. I bring this up because Jim throwing himself wholeheartedly into Athleap in season nine, to the point where he tunnel visions on that and blocks out everything else, was a consistent character trait brought up in season TWO. The reason why it didn’t cause strife between Jim and Pam before is because they were on the same page before---they wanted the same things before. But Pam---because she was ALSO written consistently!---dug her heels in and didn’t want to move, because even after her development she tends to be hesitant when it comes to huge changes, whether that means being terrified of giving birth to her first child, or not wanting to move to Philadelphia. This means that Jim and Pam, for once, were not on the same page about their future, which means that these flaws that both of them always had from the very beginning of the series put them at odds with one another, as happens with real human beings in relationships.

Oh, and by the by? Jim getting tunnel vision about the things he wants and throwing himself into them 100% was foreshadowed as early as season two, but in season four when he shows Pam Second Life (as a means to show her Dwight’s Second Life character), she discovers that Jim’s Second LIfe character is a sports writer from Philadelphia. She thinks it’s hilarious and chants, “Show me Philly Jim! I want Philly Jim!” This is harsher in hindsight when we get to season nine and realize that Philly Jim ends up pulling away from his family (TEMPORARILY) because he’s so focused on that that he can’t focus on what’s going on in Scranton. So, again, this plot was set up long in advance. There’s foreshadowing for it pretty early on, if you’re paying attention.

So, right off the bat: It wasn’t character assassination. Jim was always a well-rounded character. So was Pam. Neither of them are perfect human beings, because while Parks and Recreation is an idealistic show with idealized characters, The Office is a realistic show with realistic characters. The two shows foil each other in every way possible (private vs. public sector, idealism vs. realism), and so it’s blatantly obvious why Ben and Leslie have a Perfect Marriage™ while Jim and Pam have a more realistic one.

But that aside? “The show ends on a sour note” --- are you kidding?

First of all, again, Jim and Pam’s problems were temporary. The two go to marriage counseling, and although Pam still feels conflicted, Jim tells her that---well, here, you can see the scene for yourself. They reconcile. And Jim, realizing that he almost lost Pam, decides to leave Athleap (at least for the time being) to spend more time in Scranton with Pam and the kids. He ends up staying there. And when Pam still has doubts, thinking that she won’t be enough for him, Jim is so flabbergasted that he has the documentary crew create a music montage of all their moments together, so that he can ultimately tell her:

“Not enough for me? You are . . . everything.”

Ultimately, in the finale, their issues are addressed. During a panel they hosted where people who watched the documentary (in-universe, of course), someone asked Pam what she was doing to “pay Jim back” for leaving Athleap. Jim cuts her off and says that “she pays me back every day, just by being my wife.” Pam is touched, but says she’s working on something. (And she also says, I think a bit before that, in response to a question of how she could have doubted Jim’s love for her, that she was scared of messing up what she felt was a perfect life. She says, “Everyone came up on the street and told me I had a fairy tale romance. But there were many times last year when it did not feel like a fairy tale. But it’s okay, because now it’s better than a fairy tale. It’s like---it’s like reading an amazing book that you never want to end.”) During Dwight’s wedding reception, Pam kisses Jim, and Jim smiles and says, “See? Now you don’t owe me anything” --- jokingly, of course. And then, when they return home, it’s to reveal Pam has sold their house so they can move to Texas and Jim can pick up with Athleap right where he left off.

You see where I’m going with this?

They tell Dwight they’re leaving, and he gives them twelve months of severence. Pam sits on Jim’s lap while Creed plays a song for them, her head on Jim’s shoulder. She says in one of her final quotes, “Jim sat five feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him” and “don’t get me wrong, I’m not some tragic person. I’m really happy now.” Jim, likewise, says tha the owes everything he has to this job, that he’s so happy that the documentary gave him a chance to watch himself fall in love, become a husband, become a father. It is made painstakingly obvious that Jim and Pam are as deeply in love and happy in the series end as they ever were. They had a time of strife, because they both have flaws that clashed for a time, but they’re so happy and in love and hopeful for their future. And as if there was any lingering doubt, NBC had (at least for a time, idk if it’s still up) a “Where Are They Now?” photo slideshow up on their website, which revealed that they’re both incredibly happy in Austin (Jim is with Athleap, and Pam is a prominent member of the art scene). They’re happy and in love and absolutely nothing about that is sour, honest to god, I don’t know what show the writer of this article was watching.

So yeah, this is ridiculous, and to be honest I’m getting really, really tired of Parks & Rec stans bashing The Office. Whether it’s trying to tear down Jim/Pam to make Ben/Leslie look better, or tearing down the show in general in an attempt to make Parks & Rec look better, it’s really beyond old. I really enjoyed Parks and Recreation when I watched it, but all of this has honestly made me feel like I dislike it (when I don’t!) because I’m sick of seeing something else I really love constantly torn down and unjustly criticized in the pursuit of making Parks and Rec look better than it was. Prefer Parks and Rec and Ben/Leslie all you want, but don’t spread lies about The Office and Jim/Pam while you’re at it. The Office has arguably the best series finale in television history for how well it tied everything together and how it left every single character on a happy note (even Creed seemed fine going to jail, tbh), and to see that called “sour” because someone didn’t bother to actually watch the conclusion is honestly pretty upsetting.

[femmequixotic]

WIP meme

Tagged by the wonderful @gracerene09!

Do Dis: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

Okay, so this tag came at the perfect time—I spent yesterday planning my summer writing schedule with @noeeon so I’d know what I need to focus on over the next few months.

1. Tales from the Special Branch series - Books 2 and 3 (HP, Drarry) - So, yeah, this is my big push right now, and the heart of my heart. I HAVE SO MUCH PLANNED, YOU GUYS. It is going to be a fucking roller coaster ride through these two books, and I’m so excited. I’m sitting down tomorrow to finish beating out the scenes for the whole second book—mmmm, spreadsheet time, she says with a purr—and I’m dying to write the first scene because it is going to be hawt as hell. At least, I think it is. Hopefully other people will too. FINGERS CROSSED.

2. Black Coffee sequel (HP, Drarry) - This is the fic I’ve promised sassy_cissa for being a fucking amazing beta. :D I’ve been telling her I’d write it for her for yonks, but I have the outline all done and it’s ready to be worked on this summer whenever I need a break from the Special Branch series. It’s a ten-years-later continuation of my non-magical coffeeshop/politics/cricket Drarry AU, and it’s going to be a bit angsty-with-a-happy-ending. Even my wife was like, DAMN GIRL, when I showed her the outline, but I think it’s going to be awesome. If a bit tissue-worthy in spots. :D

3. High fantasy AU (HP, Drarry) - Oh, man, this has been half-written for almost 8 years now, I think? I AM HORRIBLE. D:  Anyway, I’ve reworked the outline twice, and I think it’s now in a place where it’s actually working and Noe’s going to help me finish it off because she swears to God if it’s not done she’s going to kick me to the curb. So yeah…better finish it. It’s definitely a swords-and-sorcery AU where Harry’s a bit of a cad and Draco fucking hates him. And then he doesn’t. Because Harry’s hot. (I’m a simple girl with simple Drarry needs.) @noeeon thinks we can have this done by the end of June. *eyes her* I’M GOING TO TRY DAMMIT.

4. Wizarding Parks and Rec AU (HP, Drarry) - Basically my wife wants me to write this with Harry in Leslie’s role and Draco in Ben’s, both of them in some godawful boring Ministry department, and I think it would be hysterical and I need something funny to write in between other more, er, emotionally complex fics. So yeah, I’m good with any story that’s going to require me to rewatch the entire run of P&R.

5. Harry and Draco take their kids to Disneyland Paris fic (HP, Drarry, obvs) - Yes, well, this fic came to me when Noe and I were in France in March standing in line for the Snow White ride at Disneyland Paris watching the parents with children get exasperated. It’s basically what it says on the tin, except now I’m sort of thinking about expanding it a bit more into Harry moves to Paris with his kids and runs into Draco with Scorpius and it’s divorced dads-with-at-least-weekend-custody love?

6. And…I’m also thinking of writing some Harry/Louis 1D fic. Which I’ve never done. But I’m kind of feeling it? Kind of a lot? So yeah. That could happen soon too, even though it’s not technically yet a WIP?

7. Other creative things I’m working on—I’m really loving making aesthetics, so I have a whole roster of those lined up too. The number of photos I have saved up is getting a bit cumbersome, but I’m so excited to start sifting through them and see what comes up. I already know I’m doing a couple for Queenie and Tina Goldstein and definitely some Drarry and some Slytherin Trio.

8. And I’m researching and plotting out an original novel. Well, more likely a series of original novels. More on that later, maybe. It’s still in the incubation stage. :)

Basically, I’m going to spend the summer writing and making aesthetics and maybe trying to relearn French. I feel like that’s an excellent plan.

So tagging….hm. I’m not certain who hasn’t done this yet? So forgive me if you have already? I’ll tag @noeeon,  @dictacontrion, @phd-mama, @superqueerbucky and @ladyofthelog for now…

[laylainalaska]

Parks & Rec continues to be adorable (we’re into season four now). It is also vaguely weird to realize how many of Tumblr’s assorted memes, quotes, and in-jokes from a few years ago were actually from this show, similar to how B99 (which I still haven’t watched) is That Show now. I keep having these moments when I go, omg, THIS is where that line about “She would have been a baby! I don’t know anything about babies! I could have killed her!” comes from. Or whatever.

I think the thing I’m loving most about this show right now is how much of it is about people who are really drastically different from each other being friends with each other anyway. My favorite thing about the show has turned out to be Leslie and Ron’s friendship, because they’re such polar opposites but they both really, truly like each other and try very hard to cross the gulf of having literally nothing in common as much as they can. It’s not even that they try to meet in the middle and learn to enjoy the other person’s interests (though I do love how much Leslie genuinely likes doing Ron-stuff like hunting or hanging out at his cabin) but it’s more that they both recognize that even if they can’t figure out why something is important to the other person, it IS important to them, so they try to make sure that the other person has what they want/need even if they don’t get why anyone would want/need that. It’s just such a lovely thing.

(I do hate the running joke about the rest of the office staff bullying Jerry. I wish the show would drop that; just about every scene with Jerry makes me cringe in anticipation of some sort of cruel humor aimed at him. But I like everything else.)

[edge-of-bizarre]

Idea: King snotlout au, maybe kingdom falls into war but mostly what if rosethorn got pregant

i actually have an au that’s like that, it’s not king snotlout, but it’s like “what if berk actually went to war against drago”, like combat and fighting and the like. it was inspired by game of thrones even tho i have never watched or read or seen anything of it ( @transbeequeen for da au)

i’m assuming an unplanned pregnancy? hmm i’m not sure?? i think rosethorn getting pregnant would pop what was the tiny bubble of peace at least for her, and if it’s fishlegs’s then oh yeah. I think she wouldn’t tell him immediately, cause the talk would be so bad and ruin both their reputations. LMAO MAYBE SNOTLOUT IS TALKING TO HER ONE NIGHT AND IT’S THAT EXACT SCENE FROM PARKS AND REC WHEN LESLIE IS LIKE “omg andy how did you know i was pregnant??” and andy and is like “i thought you were getting a dog!!!” “you made the stomach shape-” “thats how you pet a dog- pregnant!”

yeah, maybe she wouldn’t tell fishlegs until that scene happens with snotlout and he’s like “haha, i am really bad at keeping other people’s secrets, you should prob tell him, this is actually for realsies super serious- now make me some hot chocolate” “ugh” “you’re pregnant, not dead! shoo”

snotlout might actually put his obnoxiousness outta the way cause oh shit. i think he would try to help as much as possible without making it obvious. Like “The king has instructed that you are to bring him his breakfast at 11″ “… that’s like 3 hours later than normal” “kings orders” cause he wants her to sleep, and he stops waking her up to make him shit and sometimes when fishlegs walks outta the room is like “you gotta tell him!!!!!!!!! and that’s coming from me!!!” he helps her carry stuff which is super weird cause rose will be walking down the hall with a big plate and he’ll jog over and snatch it and walk fast enough ahread of her so she won’t catch him but asks where she’s bringing this too. he wants his future nephew to be strong yo, he’s prob came up to rose and asked to buy it “… so would you be willing to part with it-” “why???” “i’m a king!!! i need an heir!!! besides, if it’s related to fishlegs, it can prob do some sick magic shit, do you know how sweet that would be-” “leave me alone”

[sage-nebula]

Hello! I want to get into watching the Office because it seems really good and I loved Parks and Rec, but everytime I start watching I can't make myself continue. The first few episodes are just like... the punchline that everyone is racist just happens too often for me to swallow. Is there a point where I can start watching where the writers kind of leaned away from this or should I just tough it out?

Hi! So, this is going to be a long answer, and I hope that’s all right, haha. As someone who loves both The Office and Parks and Recreation (though I actually like The Office a bit more, even though I think Parks & Rec is more consistent across the seasons in terms of quality), I have a lot of thoughts on both.

So, here’s the thing:

Although The Office and Parks and Recreation were created/produced by the same guy (guys? I know that Michael Schur for sure worked on both, though I think there was one other person working on both as well), they’re very different in tone. Whereas Parks and Recreation tends to be more optimistic and idealistic (in that even when things go wrong for the cast in the short-term, in the long-term they’re almost guaranteed to succeed, and even when there’s squabbling and bickering, for the most part the characters tend to be optimistic, and idealism---particularly Leslie’s idealism---is rewarded), The Office tends to be more caustic and cynical. Things very often don’t succeed for these characters in the short-term (long-term projects don’t happen as often, and even then there are a few big long-term failures), and they’re much, much more prone to being snarky and cynical. Additionally, whereas snark and cynicism are often “punished” on Parks and Recreation (in that the cynics are usually proven wrong/converted to idealism, again, usually by Leslie), this isn’t the case on The Office. Not only is The Office a world of snark, but since things don’t tend to magically work themselves out on The Office due to it arguably being a more realistic setting (I mean, Pawnee, Indiana isn’t even an actual city that exists, whereas The Office takes place in the very real Scranton, Pennsylvania), cynicism isn’t punished here because having a more idealistic outlook---particularly without the experience or power necessary to back it up---is more likely to backfire than it is to succeed. (i.e., although Michael very often wants everything to magically work out . . . it usually doesn’t.) And that’s not to say that The Office is a depressing show where everyone always loses, because that’s not true, but it is to say that while the antagonists on Parks and Recreation are caricatures of people rather than opponents that actually exist (and as such our idealistic protagonists can more easily overcome them), the problems and antagonists on The Office are more grounded in reality and, as such, reality tends to ensue.

So with that said, I first want to address something you said about the early episodes, which is here:

“The first few episodes are just like... the punchline that everyone is racist just happens too often for me to swallow.”

I actually find it interesting that this is your viewpoint, because my opinion is that The Office, as a whole, actually tends to show this attitude in a negative light!

The episode I think you’re mainly thinking of happens in season one, and it’s episode two (I believe)---“Diversity Day.” In it, corporate has sent an ethics counselor to the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin (where our main cast is employed) to give a diversity seminar because Michael, the boss, imitated a Chris Rock routine and was rather ignorantly racist while doing so. Michael, of course, hates the idea that anyone but him could be in charge (and is also too ignorant to realize exactly how and why he was being racist), and as such he not only ruins the seminar, but then proceeds to make everything more offensive by having “diversity activities” throughout the day. This culminates in him being slapped for real by Mindy Kaling, who was playing Kelly Kapoor.

Now, with that being said, I can understand why that would be hard to swallow! It’s not easy to see a character acting like that. But the thing about The Office is that we’re not supposed to be laughing with Michael, or sympathizing with him; it’s very intentionally framed (in my view, anyway) that he is in the wrong when he does things like this. We see this via the more heroic characters in The Office finding what he’s doing wrong, offensive, awful, and very often calling him on it (especially as the series goes on). For instance, in “Diversity Day,” it’s clear that no one there really approves of what he’s doing. They’re all going along with it because they have to, but while there are some characters who do hold bigoted viewpoints as well (e.g. Dwight and Angela, who are also not shown in a heroic light, especially at that point in the show), the characters that we’re meant to sympathize with (e.g. Jim, Pam, Oscar) don’t agree with what’s going on, and usually say so. (e.g. Pam says, “Based on stereotypes which are not true and that I do not agree with . . .) So in this case, it’s not, “haha, racism is funny!” but more, “my god, this guy is such an ignorant ass, and yet there are people like him out there, and people like these office workers who have to suffer through it.”

And that’s the thing: Parks and Recreation has a lot less of that (once they stop trying to have Leslie be Michael near the end of S2---because she made quite a few ignorant/racist comments toward Tom in the first two seasons), but it was also more of an idealistic show. The Office shows that people have prejudices, bigotry, et cetera, but always in a negative light. We’re never supposed to sympathize with Michael when he makes comments like that, and we’re certainly not meant to sympathize with disgusting characters like Todd Packer (who I believe is introduced in S2, but he might make an appearance in S1). Granted, Packer’s scenes are never funny to me regardless, but he is important to show Michael’s growth later on, so. Regardless, although The Office does include things like that, they’re never meant to be the punchline. It’s not, “laugh at the racism!” but rather “isn’t this awful? and isn’t it awful when things like this happen in your workplace? because we know they do, we’re sure of it, even if we’re exaggerating it a tad for comedic effect.” Especially later on, that sort of behavior is always framed as wrong.

WITH ALL OF THAT SAID! (I told you this was going to be a long response, haha, I have a lot of feelings.)

Just like how Parks and Recreation’s first season was so horrible that even the cast denounces it (“Don’t bring up those shitty episodes!” said Aziz Ansari during a cast panel), it’s pretty much agreed upon that the first season of The Office is the weakest season as well, due largely in part to the producers trying to create the British original. In fact, the first episode is pretty much a shot-for-shot remake of the British original. In season two, however, they break away from the U.K. formula and become their own thing, and from then on it’s pretty much unanimously decided that the U.S. The Office surpasses that of the British original. The characters become fleshed out, the storylines become deeper, and overall the show vastly improves.

So, with all of that said?

I do still recommend toughing it out through the first season since it’s only six episodes long, and there are some great little subplots in the first season as well (such as Jim and Dwight’s alliance). Plus, there are a few nuggets of plot in the first season that continue into the second (such as Jim’s temporary girlfriend, Katy). But if you’re having trouble with the first season (and I don’t blame you!), then I would recommend skipping the first two episodes (“Pilot” and “Diversity Day”). That leaves you with:

“Health Care”

“The Alliance”

“Basketball”

“Hot Girl”

The most important episode here is “Hot Girl” (which is the last episode of season one), due to the fact that Katy is introduced in it, and she makes reappearances in season two. That said, I think the others are worth watching as well. “Health Care” has some great shenanigans in it, shows how ineffectual Michael is as a boss/how desperate he is to be liked, and is good for Jim/Pam content; “The Alliance” has the hilarious subplot of Jim and Dwight’s alliance, which, trust me, is more hilarious than it sounds; “Basketball” does have more of Michael’s ignorance (he’s ignorant a lot, it’s a marked character flaw, but he’s never rewarded for it and he develops through it as time goes on), but I feel that it’s still important for Jim/Pam content; and “Hot Girl” is necessary for reasons started above.

All of that said, again: There is a noticeable quality jump from the very first episode in season two, “The Dundies,” which is where some of the most notable quotes from the show come from (e.g. “I feel God in this Chili’s tonight”). So if you really want to you can skip straight to that, but I recommend at least watching “Hot Girl” first, as well as the others noted in the bullet list.

Again, sorry this is so long, but please feel free to ask for further clarification! The Office is definitely one of those shows, I think, that has a certain tone to it that can be a bit hard to get used to---but I also think it’s really worth it, and it does have its successes and moments of idealism as well. (In fact, the series ends with one of the most hopeful quotes imaginable (“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?”), so there is definitely some hope there. There’s just also a lot of, well . . . snark, too, haha.)