#its 3am. and this isnt exactly what i had in mind when i started out? but i do like it. ok bye | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scary-lasagna · 4 years

Note

Hey, could I have headcanons about how the boys became interested in they’re s/o? I’ve always wondered what set them “apart” or how they meet them. I hope you have a good day and that quarantine isnt driving you bonkers!

I would’ve totally done Masky and Hoodie/any others but I’ve already written too much lmao

Jeff

When out of his usual Friday night killing spree, he was caught off guard by a scream from outside rather than inside where he was currently doing the stabbing motions.

He was intrigued to say the least.

Jeff ventured outside, and upon seeing your frightened face, he knew he just had to make you scream a little bit more before landing a final blow.

He chased after you down the city streets, desperately trying to corner you like a cat chasing a mouse.

And then he saw how frail, how weak you looked as you cowered against the brick wall of the alley.

He wanted to toy with you before he killed you, so he dragged you home with him.

He was surprised, nonetheless impressed, with how quickly you found a way to stab him without a weapon.

You still ended up being dragged home by the killer.

He just couldn't bring himself to hurt you. You looked so beautiful b how your skin glowed, and the way your eyes sparkle in the sunlight.

And whenever he managed to get a smile from you proved his mood better for the rest of the day.

And instead of toying around and scaring you, y'all just kind of lived as roommates until you eventually grew feelings for him.

Ben

When Ben is bored, he likes sifting through webcam and security cameras from his hometown.

Or at least what he believes to be his hometown. He doesn't exactly remember, but some of the faces look familiar.

But everyone w sleeping at 3am, so there wasn't much entertainment for the elf.

And then there was you, a new resident who was raiding your fridge for yogurt, pudding, chocolate, Doritos, and whatever else you could find in the middle of the night.

Ben found himself watching you more than usual, contemplating if he wants to strike you as his newest victim or not.

But the Majora cartridge somehow found it's way onto your living room couch, along with a battered down N64.

You thought it was just one of your friends who put it there, a few of your close friends/family has a house key in case you ever get locked out.

What a nice house warming gift.

But what was not a nice house warming gift was the blonde fucker that climbed out of your television screen.

He found your reactions cute and funny, so he lingered around for a bit. He was a ghost, it's not like you could attack him or anything.

But honestly?

You felt yourself vibing with him, and you found yourself becoming good friends, and eventually more than that.

Eyeless Jack

What Jack thought to be a midnight snack was actually a start to his random act of kindness for the day.

You wore a necklace to bed that night, something you thought would never make you cross paths with Death himself.

It got caught on your Smartwatch, tangling and twisting around the face until you woke up gasping for empty breaths of air.

Jack hopped through the window just in time.

As if it were his instinct, he was quick to break the necklace and rip it off of your neck.

By this time you were fading out of consciousness.

A pair of hands held the back of your neck, and a gaze of darkness inspected your breathing.

You awoke to a very rough jostling, a metallic smelling finger going as far as opening one of your eyelids.

When you start coughing the stranger steps back silently, cocking his head to the side as he watches you recover.

Why this man was in your room you had no idea, but you were very grateful that he was here when he was.

The silence between the both of you was thick. His prying eyes were observing you, and it sent goosebumps along your skin despite the sweat clinging to your skin.

And then he took out a knife, or was it a surgical tool? You had no time to double-check because you were already chasing him out with a tennis racket that you KNEW how to use.

He came back though, perched on your windowsill like an unwanted cat.

"Do you want to come in?" The man in black slowly nodded.

"Do you want to hurt me?" A hesitation, but nonetheless he shook his head side to side.

He observed you once you allowed him entry, not really making effort to talk except, "You smell nice." Which made you sweat nervously.

With more interaction, you noticed that he's not /too/ weird, and he's very intelligent with a side of sarcasm.

You started to grow fond of the way his body loomed over yours, and the way his teeth poked over his lips with he smirked.

Toby

Toby was severely injured in the woods, practically left there to die by whoever was deemed to be his attacker.

But lucky you, you stumbled upon the serial killer when on your way home from work.

You thought the glowing eyes reflecting off of your headlights were those of a wounded animal, but it was worse than that.

This boy was absolutely covered in blood. There's no way he'd survive out here alone, taking that he's already passed out from blood loss.

You drag him to your car, not caring about the blood on your seats. You patch him up to the best of your ability until you can find a hospital.

But a gasp from the backseat says otherwise, frantically pleading to stop the car.

" I-I-I can'- I can't go to the doc-doctor! Please!!"

"Dude, you're bleeding everywhere, you need help."

"Not all of it is my blood."

That made your tires screech, nearly sending Toby into a panic attack. Flashbacks of a certain car crash keep trying to wiggle its way to the front of his mind.

And then he passes out again.

You don't want to be involved in any type of murder, plus you have no idea what this dude's story is. He could've been helping people that got injured? Hopefully?

It's not like you can just leave him on the side of the road somewhere.

You brought him home and nursed him back to health to the best of your abilities (and google).

He didn't have any interest in you at first, he was more focused on returning home. Toby even debated killing you a few times, and right when he had the hatchet raised, "Toby are you covered up? It's getting chilly."

Toby lolls his head back, letting his forearms meet his forehead and still limply hold onto the hatchet.

Every time he attempts murder, you always seem to have something nice to say. And eventually, you start to remind Toby of his late sister.

You cared about him, which is not something that happens often to the ticing brunette.

After catching feelings, you're not able to get rid of him unless you kick him out of the car like a lost puppy.

So, he'll just have to stick around for a little while longer, cuddling on the couch as you watch Disney films.

#anon #anon convo #ask

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acidmatze · 3 years

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I said “I wont elaborate” under my Gojou is autistic blurb earlier but that was because it was 3am and now its not and im more or less conscious (Awake would be an overstatement) and my need to overshare is as big as my brain telling me not to because my words dont make any sense anyyway (Unstoppable force VS unmoveable object)

This isnt meta or an analysis its just me screaming excitedly into the void while i wait for my headphones to charge so i can leave the house (music blocks out noises)

So why would I say he is autistic in the first place? Because I can. “Oh but he doesnt seem autistic hes so open and extroverted and talkative” Bruh, if i would have to list all extroverted, talkative, open autistic people i know we would still be sitting here tomorrow. Autistic = introverted, quiet and shy is a false equivalency and we should bury it. Anyway, I wouldnt have thought of him as autistic too until i read how everyone else around him (sometimes including the reader) reacts to him. How they describe him and I realised that this didnt match up at all with what I was perceiving. And then i realised that people used to perceive me exactly the same way as they perceive Gojou now. The reason they now view me differently is 1. I avoid people out of fear 2. I did years of therapy and introspection and think i have the worst mistakes under control now. NTs are really picky with what behaviours they accept and when and seriously i still dont know what their deal is, just chill out. I am still consciously choosing different dialogue options than i normally would but those would piss people off for reasons i can only vaguely understand. Gojou meanwhile doesnt limit himself like that, he does what many of us really want and just says whatever. Hes still respected cuz hes the strongest sorcerer while when i would say whatever i naturally would people would beat the shit out of me. (Catch me throwing hands with Barbara in the soup aisle because i let her know that her coat is hideous. After all, if people are allowed to openly and loudly tell me that the way i look is weird then i should be allowed to tell people that their fashion sense sucks. At least their choice is deliberate while i can do very little about my face)

Okay back on track. Gojou actually sucks at communicating. But he has enough self-esteem to not care. If they dont get him they dont get him and those who will, will. People would perceive him differently if he wouldnt suck. He sucks at communcating empathy He sucks at communicating his thoughts and intentions He sucks at communicating his emotions He only sucks at this in the eyes of many neurotypicals, mind you. My autistic bff and me understood him plenty. (Pls dont ask me what he Actually means cuz i just cannot put it into words. If i could i would have more friends cuz i wouldnt suck at communicating too) Somehow his use of metaphors stroke some people as odd which stroke me as odd cuz many people do that to help others or themselves understand complex issues better. But apparently when he does it its wrong? Maybe because you need to know the source of the metaphor? I dunno. Probably. I think if he opens his mouth to say something you only get roughly 50-60% of the actual message. The emotions, true intentions and everything else is left behind cuz shits hard to communicate, especially when your mind has a million thoughts at once and everything is happening so much. Its something you just learn to live with eventually. Some start overexplaining, some dont realise that the other party doesnt get the entire message and some dont care. I mostly overexplain, Gojou doesnt care. Its like youre getting only raw data and data isnt the most emotional stuff ever, right? (Unless youre a nerd like me and get Very Emotional over raw space data because SPACE IS BEAUTIFUL, MAN) I forgot what else i wanted to say because

Unlimited Void just reads like a sensory overload. Someone should trap me in there and I would probably say it feels like a regular Tuesday. The entire eye thing reads like either constant sensory overload or having shitty eyesight or both. (As someone who has both..... both) I have to block out sounds and Gojou has to block out sight, understandable. Sight is the sense we take in the most with so i can imagine that gets overloaded the fastest, especially when you see more than regular people do. (Sometimes it DOES feel like we see more than everyone else. Maybe we do? Who knows) Like yesterday i went absolutely ballistic in the supermarket cuz they changed their entire layout and colour scheme and its already a big and noisy and overwhelming store to begin with and the new layout made everything even worse. New things sucks. They make me anxious. Unless i want them. Years before i was only able to enter a store with music on and blocking out every other noise and dont even attempt to talk to me Im focussing on not loosing my shit over all the other senses being overloaded. Now i learned to suppress the shutdown until im back home so i can loose my shit there. Have you ever seen everything at once? Heard everything at once? If youre NT you maybe say yes but i would say nah you havent. If you would you would loose your shit, you wouldnt even know what to do anymore, you would probably either lie down on the floor screaming or shut down completely and not do anything, because just breathing is now taking all energy. There is nothing because there is everything. Yeah sounds like Unlimited Void to me, if you ask me.

I forgot every other reason i had because what is Taking Notes So You Can Remember Later, theres only one impulse after another cuz ADHD. (They too see and hear and notice everything at once) This is a jumbled mess, have fun

#should i tag it.......?#no im afraid of angry people coming at me #i dont know how to deal with that #jjk #whoops i gave it One Tag that should be enough #im not a meta writer anyway so it doesnt really matter #good thing im not a meta writer im not eloquent enough for that #blablabla

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pinksvnt · 5 years

Text

pairing: reader x vernon

genre: fluff

word count: 2,099

sypnosis: both you and Vernon are idols and hes struggling with his own jealousy that he thinks isnt justified.

Vernon watched every step you’d make, cheering you on silently and loving every moment the camera would focus on only you. It wasn't often when your respective groups would promote at the same times but whenever they did he always made an effort to see as much as your performance as possible. You brought so much joy into his life and he couldn't quite understand why but when you two first met as a group to awkwardly exchange albums he caught himself fixed on only you. A few months later you two are now here, happily dating and still a bit awkward around each other but that was just your two personalities clashing together to form one huge mess.

“Vernonie you can look away from the screen for second and she will still be there you know?” Seungkwan teased him by nudging him to the side and watching y/n just as he was. “Ah, still can’t believe she’s so pretty but just as awkward as you…” Vernon could not even fight that statement as it was the truth, but he didn't mind, at the end of the day he was just happy you two were together.

“Speaking about crazy things to believe, why haven't you two gone public yet. Or at least snuck out for date late at night because video calls and very short lived conversations here don't seem too fun for a young couple? Maybe even just a car date, i'll drive it'll be like I’m driving my son and his girlfriend to the movies! What do you say Vernon?” Seungcheol wrapped his arm around his shoulder, giving him a gummy smile that quickly went away when Vernon quickly turned down the odd offer.

“We’re fine Seungcheol, if anything I need some help getting over other things” Maybe he shouldn't be thinking of these sort of things just before a performance, he could end up fumbling on stage and making himself look bad, but also if he didnt at least say what was bothering him then he could have the same outcome. “I think I’m jealous” Not only was the interest of just Seungcheol peaked but so was every one of his members which made embarrassment set in.

“What exactly are you Jealous of?” Joshua came up from what seemed like out of nowhere to join the conversation.

“I don’t know, other guys I guess” He heard one his members snort and now he was just starting to feel stupid, like these feelings. “Maybe we should just dro-”

“He’s right, let’s drop the conversation and bring it back up at the dorm but right now we have to perform, clear your head, it’ll be fine” Minghao patted him on the shoulder as they all started making their way to stage. On their way there, Vernon was lucky enough to pass by y/n.

“You did great out there y/n” He sort of whispered to you as your members started giggling and whispering amongst each other while they watched your quick exchange.

“You’ll do great yourself!” You threw him two thumbs up and he immediately felt a tad bit better, he needed some support from you to clear his head long enough to make it through the performance.

---

“I can’t believe I was the one who fumbled” Soonyoung was groaning and pouting all over the waiting room over his little mess up, which wasn't even truly his fault.

“Your shoelace got untied, let it go. It wasn't even a big slip anyway, and plus we were practically done with the set. Don’t be so dramatic” Seungcheol was doing his best to help soonyoung get over his little slip up while it seems everyone had forgotten about Vernon talking about being jealous. Which he was okay with honestly. It was going to save him from saying anything dumb. Joshua plopped down beside him, handing him a bottle of water, Vernon ended up chugging it not even truly realizing before how thirsty he was.

“It’s normal to be jealous yanno?” To his own dismay, it seemed like Joshua was the only one who didn't forget about their conversation earlier. “Your girlfriend is pretty, guys like pretty girls, she's an idol, she’s gonna get male attention no matter what. Of course you’ll be sitting here feeling jealous when there's tons of guys eyeing her and screaming her name. They wanna be with her too yanno. And I'm not saying this to make you self conscious or anything but its the truth” Joshua just looked at him, what he said really didn't make him feel all to better about anything. So Vernon was just at a lost as to why he felt the need to tell him such a thing. “Girls scream your name, girls want to be with you, a lot of our fans are really pretty you can't deny it, so it's safe to assume she's jealous too. Why wouldn't you two be? It’s normal Vernon, just talk it out with her. She’ll get it and you’ll feel better talking about it with her” Okay, now he understood, it was probably a bit selfish of him to only have thought of his own feelings and not even considered the idea that you two could be feeling jealous of the girls you're around and the girls that call out your name.

“Thanks Josh, I’ll talk to her when we get back to the dorms” He and Joshua ended up knuckle punching each other and chuckling a bit best bros lol before turning towards Seungkwan and Seokmin who were playing a game in front of everyone.

---

Vernon had been thinking about what Joshua had told him since they left the venue and now his mind was trying to come up with different ways in which he could bring up his own jealousy with you. Truth be told the only reason you two ended up dating was because you were friends with Seungkwan first and you confessed you had feelings for Vernon, which ultimately lead to Seungkwan setting you two up because in his own words they both are ‘too dense to even realize they're hungry’.

It had been a few hours since they got back to their dorms and Vernon was completely settled by this time, so he figured this was a good time to call you up and try to get himself to talk about how he's feeling.

Going through his contacts he got a bit distracted by the image you had set as your image. It was his favorite photo, it was cute but not in the typical way, your face was covered in frosting and you had a huge smile on your face. The day he took that photo was on your birthday, you tripped while trying to get into your seat and face palmed into the cake he brought you. It was really unforgettable. Anyway, he got himself to finally press the call button and he was going to do his best to not avoid the conversation he wants to have with you.

“Hello?” you had whispered into your phone which left him a bit confused.

“Hey y/n, i just wanted to talk to you about som-”

“I’m sorry Vernon but is it important? I have to meet with someone and I can’t be late. Could we talk about this later possibly?” Maybe he should have texted you first to make sure you even available, he felt a little stupid honestly. Was this important? Who were you even going to meet at night?

“Oh, uh yeah, it can wait, call or text me when you can…” Vernon ended up bringing the phone away from his face without even hearing your answer and when he heard the dial tone playing, signalling that you had hung up he groaned loudly. You told him everything and now he felt like he was turning into a pile of goop. Who were you going to meet? And why were they so important for you to meet? If it had been your ceo that you were going to see, you would've told him right away, that's what you always did. It seemed like the effect of what Joshua told him earlier had faded. Until Vernon heard from you he was going to remain a fumbling mess.

---

Vernon was startled awake by his ringtone, he took a glimpse at the time reading 3am and your name under he felt instantly worried him so he took no second longer to answer your call.

“y/n what's wrong” he sounded terrible groggy, he was embarrassed but he didn't really have the energy to focus on that right now.

“Nothing is wrong silly…. I just want to hear your voice” He was always just a bit confused when he was fully awake but having just been woken up, Vernon was struggling really hard to form a sentence.

“Im awake” He heard you faintly giggling before someone in the background went about shushing you.

“I'm sorry for waking you, maybe we should head to bed, Goodnight Vernon” And that was that, you hung up on him yet again, he would've stayed awake longer but the bed was pulling him back forcefully to fall asleep.

When he finally did wake up in the morning he almost convinced himself that it was simply a dream so he thought nothing of it. Then after finally taking a quick glimpse at his call history a bit more anxiety awoke inside of him. Last night was weird, you weren't one to ever turn him away or hang up calls, and with his prior issue of jealousy he could barely manage to think straight. So he just lied there staring at his ceiling, trying to convince himself that his jealousy wasn't important enough to bring up to you. He stayed like that for a few hours arguing back and forth with himself trying to figure things out, but just the sheer thought of you possibly liking someone else felt like a punch in the gut. He had to call you and this time he was not going to let you hang up. Reaching for his phone and calling you up he took a deep breath and was pleasantly surprised when you answered basically right away.

“Vernon! good mor- well more like afternoon, you must've been tired huh?” Even through just the tone of your voice he could tell you were smiling widely.

“Y-yeah, well no, I've been awake for a few hours actually” He didn't really think about how he should ease into the conversation, and even though this was all he had running through his mind he didn't want to over think his words.

“Oh well, you should've called me earlier I would've sent you some breakfast that we made over at my dorm”

“You could still se- wait no y/n I'm calling you because we need to talk. Talk about us?”

“Oh-” you paused “uhm what specifically” he now could very easily tell the difference in the way you spoke and now he was feeling more nervous than before.

“I- I'm jealous y/n. I think I'm jealous of the fact that maybe some of your fans see you in person more than I do. Even though it sounds kinda du-”

“No! Vernon, it's not dumb. I'm really glad you brought it up because I thought I was insane for feeling the same way. You know, all these pretty girls will talk to you and get to see you often but the most we get is a video call on good days” Vernon's own worries are now slowly slipping away from him and he couldn't help but sigh I'm relief to your response.

“....wow, I am- relieved” he face palmed himself and grunted just before sinking into his bed and wanting to punch himself for not getting this out sooner.

“I think we're both just, doofs…. Cause I would never want to be with anyone but you” y/n practically whispered the second half of that sentence into the phone and it was the reassurance Vernon needed. On one hand, he always knew you were happy with him and wouldn't leave him for another, but jealousy really gets to a person.

“I'm happy with you, y/n. We can make this work for as long as you want me by your side” His own face was burning up, why did he say something so dramatic and embarrassing. But it was true, as long as you would continue to want Vernon in your life, he'd stay right by your side.

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m-ad-yson-blog · 6 years

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I hate u, i love u

Its exactly like the song. Not the one with gnash, the original with just Olivia O’Brien putting her pain into it.

He came into my life and made me feel like i could be myself. He would pick me up in his car and we’d drive around and get food. It was a joyful month of my summer. Everything was going great.

“Feeling used, but im still missing you”

over that course of a month we did everything in the few times we hung out. I went to my first party and he was there to take care of me. I smoked my first blunt with him. Got shitfaced with him and screamed juke jam at 3am on the floor with him just living in the moment.

“Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips”

Youre my friend, or were my friend. You invited me over one day and we watched a movie til we got tired and went to take a nap. Little did i know you had other plans. You kissed me and one thing lead to the next and we were naked. I sometimes regret it, but i think its just because of where we are now.

“Now all this time is passing by and i just cant seem to tell you why it hurts me everytime i see you. Realize how much i need you”

Its almost been a month since that day. Almost a month since the party and all the laughs we first shared. Its been over a week since i last saw you and almost a week since i spoke to you.

You texted me one day saying you were coming to get me. I halfway expected you to get me and we hangout, but you wanted more. We were laid up, you played with my hand and cuddled me, til your hands found what was between my thighs more interesting than me and the movie. I kissed you and you tasted like weed. It hurt, god did it hurt, but i didnt stop you because part of me thought that maybe, just maybe hes sober enough to actually want me. I consented, but that was the last time i saw you. I texted my friends crying because i became nothing but a bootycall to you when i was supposed to be your friend. Its been over a week, it doesnt hurt as much, but it stings.

“I hate u , i love u, i hate that i love u “

You hungout with your ex yesterday and posted her. It hurt so much. Especially after you told me how unhappy you were with her. What hurt the most was what you posted on your spam. “Bounce back season” i refused to cry. I knew whatever i was doing was going to end so badly even from the beginning, but it didnt stop me. Youre older and cooler and i felt validated and cared for when i knew i shouldnt of.

“What about all those times you would pick me up and we’d just drive around til we found a place to stay and waste the day away, we’d do nothing but it was okay with me”

The first time we hung out, god it was so much fun. We went and washed your car and then went to get milkshakes. It was so cute getting to know you and bond over how fucked our lives were. I opened up to you about my father and you called me pretty and you did for the longest time on everything i posted, til a week ago. When you stopped everything. The only time you texted me was to make sure i wasn’t pregnant from our last hookup.

“They say its not good spending my time, thinking about you so late at night, but cant stop once i start its like an avalanche, thoughts coming and i just wanna hold your hand”

I know im never on your mind like youre on mine. But when it becomes 3am youre all i can think about. Everytime you go out to a party i know youre having sex with someone who isnt me and now knowing you and your ex are together again, i know you simply have nothing to deal with me anymore and it hurts so bad. I never had feelings for you, never anything but platonic love, but you just using me and dropping me after everything we did together and bonded over makes everything so much worse. I never even got a text telling me you were back with your ex, i had to find out myself. Not hearing from you proves that i was nothing to you to begin with

I want nothing more than to just talk to you and be around you again. Your birthdays soon, I’ll text you to wish you a happy birthday, but otherwise i dont know the boy i grew to like. The boy who finally gave me attention after wanting it for so long.

- somethings never change

#sad #love #heartbreak #olivia o'brien

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lady-une · 7 years

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Chapter 6

A/N: as always big thanks to my beta @tears-of-orphans for reading over my work and always having amazing feedback for me. So yeah if you wanna be tagged in the next chapter drop me some love and I will add some tags. Also if you liked this please drop me some love either by sharing this with your thoughts or take a walk over to my messages and you can send me some love that way. If this isnt your cup of tea you can also tell me that lol. I really love getting feedback on my stuff so please let me know. Happy reading!!

Sarah

I awoke to the sound of the front door closing. I groggily looked over to my night stand to see what time it was. It was late in the morning and not yet afternoon. I pulled the blankets closer to my face thinking about the other night. I still didn’t understand why Jay had carried me to my room last night. I would have been perfectly fine on the floor with Gray and Loco. But when he looked down on me as he brushed the hair from my face I couldn’t find it in me to argue with him. The warm feeling of his hand on my face just made me feel at peace, as if that’s all I needed in order to sleep well. I knew the direction my feelings for him were going, I really didn’t want them to mess with the work relationship we had but damn it if he didn’t make it impossible to not see him in that light every single time he was sweet to me. I laid there letting my mind drift to dangerous thoughts of a relationship we could have. It was dangerous because the more I thought of it the more I wanted it and that’s something we won’t ever have.

Instead of just lying there making myself emotional I decided to get up and see if the guys had all left. I walked out to the living room and sure enough the blankets were all folded up and sitting on the couch but Gray and Loco were not there. I went to the couch and collected the blankets making sure to put them away and fix up the living room from our movie night. I then set to the task of making some food for Jay and me. I have yet to see him ever eat at home and figured he hasn’t had a good home cooked meal in a long time. I didn’t get to extravagant with the food and just kept to the basics. I imagine it was the smell of the cooking meat that brought Jay to the kitchen rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He sat at the kitchen counter looking like he could easily fall back asleep. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute he was while I grabbed him a nice hot cup of coffee.

“Good morning sunshine.”

“Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. Hey next time make sure you take yourself to your bed before you fall asleep, it won’t be good for you to fall asleep on the floor. You could hurt your back or you could get sick.”

“I won’t, but thank you for that.”

I went back to cooking the rest of the breakfast as Jay sat there drinking his coffee watching me. I plated us both some food and joined him at the counter to eat. We both sat in a comfortable silence just eating our food, neither of us were fully awake enough to carry on a long conversation when one wasn’t needed. When we were both done eating I went to collect our plates and to clean up but Jay stopped me.

“I will clean up since you cooked. Why don’t you go get washed up and then we can talk about the songs.”

I thanked him and went off to collect my clothes before walking into the bathroom to shower.

Jay

It didn’t take me long to clean up the kitchen and decided I should probably also shower. Once I had on my sweatpants and a shirt I went back out to the living room and I sat on the couch looking at some emails while I waited for Sarah to come out of her room. She had been in there for a while and I was starting to wonder if she fell back asleep when I heard her door open and her footsteps come down the hall. I looked up to see her in an oversized shirt and pajama shorts, she looked adorable and I smiled at her as I patted the spot on the couch next to me. I was a little hurt when she sat down a little farther from me but then even more surprised when she went to rest her head in my lap instead of sitting down. I just looked down at her with a surprised look on my face that must have looked a little panicked because she went to sit up. I pushed her head back down and told her its fine.

“So what do we have to talk about?”

I opened up my calendar on my phone and handed it to her choosing to rest my head on my closed hand so I could look down at her as I explained that the music will be released next Friday and it would be picked up by a few different radio’s here. I mentioned that both Gray and Loco would go to do radio interviews to talk about the new songs but that of course she would have to sit back on this one.

“Don’t worry too much, if this goes well then the next time you can go to do the interviews. The guys will bring up your name and talk about the new artist that they are working with. They won’t get into too much detail about who you are but they will talk about working with you. We will try and get your name out there in a positive way and wait to see how the fans take it. I know they will be curious and will start to dig for information on you. So make sure you have everything confidential that you are posting to social media.”

I didn’t want to scare her but there are some fans out there who are pretty good with their detective skills and I didn’t want them to get the truth on Sarah before the fans could make their choice on whether or not they could acceept her.

With the work stuff out of the way we settled in on the couch to watch some shows. I was rather curious about the show that her and Chase were always talking about so we decided to watch some of it. I was pleasantly surprised with the show, it had just the right amount of action to the story and lots of nudity. I asked her if they really allowed this kind of stuff on TV back in the states and she said it’s on cable and its aired at night. It was around the third episode that I found myself resting my face on my hand that was propped up on the couch but the other hand had draped itself over her stomach was I was lazily rubbing my thumb in a circle motion on her arm. Without moving my head or stopping my thumb I slowly lowered my gaze to see a small smile on her face, I took it as she didn’t mind so I didn’t stop what I was doing.

It was really late and I could feel my eyes wanting to shut when I finally looked down at Sarah to find her sleeping. The whole day she never left my side, whenever we would return back to the couch she would always go back to laying on her side with her head resting in my lap. It made me happy to know she wanted to stay near me and that she wasn’t bothered at all when my hands would rub her arm or play with her hair. I loved these moments and even though I knew it was wrong I wanted to steal more moments like today with her as long as I could.

I held back my yawn knowing I needed to get her to bed so I turned the TV off and lifted her head allowing me to get up off the couch. I took a moment to be a total creep and grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of her sleeping. She had the most beautiful look on her face with her hair trying to cover her face up. Just as I did the night before I lifted her off the couch and carried her to her room and laid her in her bed. This time she didn’t wake and I wished she had if only to ask me to stay again. I went back to grab her phone to bring it back to her room and placed it on the charger. With her tucked into her bed and everything in order I went to my own room to crawl into my bed letting my eyes close and drifted off to sleep thinking of how much I enjoyed everything we did today.

Sarah

The week had flown by with all of us in the studio working on music. I was being put on some more songs with the guys including Jay. It was really nice working with them all and it helped me stay busy instead of thinking of Friday. Gray and Loco weren’t worried like I was about the songs being released. The whole week Jay always made sure that we didn’t stay late in the studio instead we spent the nights in front of the TV with some food and watched more episodes of Game of Thrones. I was rather happy with myself that I was able to get him hooked because Chase had told me that he had been trying to get Jay to watch an episode for years but he never would. Each night after we would finish eating we would clean up the mess and would go back to the couch with me resting my head in Jay’s lap. The first time I did this I felt kind of upset with myself when I saw the surprised expression on his face. Thinking I had crossed the line finally but when he pushed me back down I knew things were still good. I don’t know if Jay really meant to play with my hair or my arm but he always did. Feeling him twirl strands of my hair around his finger or when he would give me a gentle scalp massage was by far the best feeling in the world.

Thursday night wasn’t any different than the rest of the week. We spent our nights on the couch and like most nights I would awake in the middle of the night to find myself in my bed. I had told Jay to just wake me and that I would walk back to my room. I was afraid that I was too heavy for him but he brushed me off saying he needed to feed me more because I was way too light in his arms. The way he said in his arms made those damn little butterflies in my stomach flutter. I used to hate reading that line in a book or hearing it in the movies, I always felt like it was too girly and stupid. Nope not anymore. I now knew exactly what they were feeling and I loved it.

I awoke around 3am unable to sleep. I laid there tossing and turning in my bed and I could hear the sound of rain hitting the windows even with my door closed. I threw my covers off in a huff and got out of bed deciding to go make myself a drink hoping to calm my nerves. I made sure to open my door as quietly as possible and tipped toe to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass and poured myself a drink before going to window and sitting down with just the light on from the lamp by the couch. I didn’t want too many lights on thinking maybe it would wake Jay. I just sat there taking sips off my drink and watching the rain fall and the lightning dance across the sky. The weather matched what I was feeling, a storm raging on the outside and the inside. I was anxious that people would hate me on the songs. That they would some way find out my true identity and I would have to leave. That’s what scarred me, I didn’t want to leave the guys. My feelings were growing every day for Jay and it scared me but also excited me at the same time. Loco and Chase were the best brothers I could ask for. My relationship with Gray was by far the most confusing. It wasn’t a sibling relationship between us but it wasn’t one of an intimate couple. It was like we were in some weird limbo. I knew I could fall for Gray just as easily as I did for Jay if I let myself. I pushed the thought out of my mind as I took another drink from the glass letting the amber liquid burn on its way down. I could feel myself getting sleepy and decided to just down the rest before I returned back to my bed and falling into a deep sleep.

Jay

I could hear her moving around and figured she was probably thirsty and only getting a glass of water before she returned to her bed. I know I should be sleeping but here I was lying in bed wondering how the fans would react to the new songs. Would they like that there was a random unknown artist on their track? Would they like Sarah’s voice? I knew she would do well but I still worried. I didn’t want her coming with us to be for nothing. We all had our little doubt if this would work, the fans could be cruel or they could be loving.

I laid there for a few more minutes to hear if she closed her door, but I didn’t hear the door shut. I threw my covers off and got up wanting to see what she was up to this late at night. I opened my door quietly and walked out towards the kitchen expecting her to be drinking something. When she didn’t come into view I turned the corner and found her. She was sitting next to the windows on the ground with her knees pulled close to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. A glass full of some kind of drink sat at her feet, the only light on was the small lamp on the end table next to her. It barely illuminated the area but it put a warm soft glow on her. With the sounds of the rain pelting the glass and the lightning lighting up the room every now and then I couldn’t think of anything more beautiful and dangerous. Two words that shouldn’t be used to describe the same scene but those two fit this perfectly. Before me sat a girl who has been slowly capturing my heart from the second I saw her on that stage. Had she been any other female I would have done what I wanted, taken her in my arms and kissed her with all my want and lust, but she wasn’t just any girl. She was someone I wanted to protect…..... she was someone I couldn’t have. I wanted her and the thought of not being able to have her in my arms was something I didn’t want to think of. I was known as a player, someone who often had many women in my arms and there is always someone taking pictures to have the proof of this. I’m still young so why shouldn’t I enjoy the night life and everything it had to offer. I didn’t want to get her mixed up with that life, I didn’t want to see her upset over a picture of me and some random woman on my arm. There was no escaping that part of my life, it came with the job. I had to do something before this warm feeling in my chest grew any further. I slowly backed away and went back to my room making sure I didn’t disturb her. This week had been better than I could have expected, every day we were getting closer than we were the day before. I knew this dream land I was living in needed to come to an end. I couldn’t allow her to get anymore attached to me then she already was. I laid in my bed closing my eyes forming a plan in my head on how to distance myself from the only girl I wanted in my arms.

Sarah

Friday was finally here and I just sat in the studio a big nervous mess. I couldn’t work on any of the music with my head being where it was. The guys all tried to get me out of the funk but couldn’t spend too much time on me as they had to work too. Come the afternoon Jay sent me home and told me to get some rest. He was getting ready to head to the radio station to do an interview with Gray and Loco. I took a cab home and hated it, being home alone was the worst. I didn’t have much of an appetite and sat on the couch with the TV off just eating crackers out of the box. When it came time for the interview I rushed to my bedroom and grabbed my laptop turning it on and finding the website that would have the live video from the interview. I sat it down and grabbed my pillow holding it close to my chest as I chewed on my finger. The screen came to life showing the DJ talking and then introducing Jay and the guys. They all looked so at ease like they didn’t have a care in the world. They talked about the state tour they just completed and the guys shared some stories from the road. Then they got to talking about the songs.

“So I hear that there is another artist on one of Loco’s and Gray’s song? Care to talk about that?”

“Yeah it was an artist’s we came across, I heard her performing and just knew I had to bring her back here to work with us. She is extremely talented but I will let the guys talk about that.”

Before Gray could speak Loco jumped at the chance.

“She is extremely talented. I have worked with new artists and there is always the challenge of introducing them to a song and hoping they catch on. She caught on very quickly and added a bit of uniqueness to the song. Plus having her in the studio also helped lighten the place up. We all sit around joking and having fun.”

“How about you Gray? How was it working with the new artist?”

“I love having her around and working with her is a breeze. She is so easy to work with and like Loco said she picks up on things really quickly. The other day we were working on beat and she was on the couch with Loco and she got lost in the beat. I won’t get into too much detail but when she explained the way she felt and what she envisioned with the beat just blew me away. It was a raw beat and usually takes time to envision where it will go but she just grabbed onto and road it out. I am really excited to have her voice out there for other people to enjoy. I’m even more excited for us to actually get around to making the MV for our song.”

“Oh really? Do you already have a concept in mind?”

“I do actually, although I still need to run it by our CEO but I am sure he will like it too.”

“Ok well let’s go ahead and play the songs and we will open up the messenger to the fans to send in their thoughts.”

The DJ played the two songs back to back first starting with Loco and then doing Gray’s song. When they came back they were reading off the comments coming in from the fans and they were all really positive. Most of them were about how they loved the new song and that Loco and Gray were amazing as usual. Then a few of the comments came in about me, they said they loved the new voice and it was like listening to an Angel sing. I threw my face into the pillow letting a little girly scream escape. Things were going good and the fans were really liking me. The DJ thanked the guys for coming and sharing the new music and then the video feed went dark. I closed my laptop and went back to the living room to wait for Jay to get home. I was so excited to hear what he thought.

Jay

The ride home I was really excited to tell Sarah how well the song was doing and that the fans were loving her part. I unlocked the door and stepped in and saw her sitting on the couch looking like she was ready to bounce around the house with how happy she looked. The energy she was giving off was addicting and I let a big wild smile cross my face and that’s all it took. She shot up off the couch and ran at me full speed jumping into my arms laughing.

“Oh my god they love it!”

“They do baby girl.”

I felt her stiffen and didn’t even realize that I had said what I did. I let her feet touch the ground before I pulled away making sure to keep the smile on my face and not trying to give her any impression that I was panicking on the inside.

“They really do love the song, have you been checking twitter or any of the social media accounts. I’m sure they are all positive.”

I tried to distract her, when I pulled her away she still had this smile on her face but there was something else behind it and I couldn’t place what the emotion was. I didn’t mean to call her that, it had just slipped out of my mouth. Everyone calls her princess around the studio but this was different and I was angry at myself for calling her that. This wasn’t part of my plan and I need to start putting some distance between us.

“No I hadn’t even thought to check them.”

She turned around and went back to the couch and sat down while I went to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine pouring us both a drink. I brought her a glass and handed it to her sitting down next to her. I drank my wine as I watched her scroll through her phone reading the comments that were coming up.

“Jay they really want to know who I am. What will we do?”

“We will let them take it all in and we could always do a phone interview for a radio station. That way they can hear you and you can answer some questions but they won’t be able to see your face. Let’s not worry about that right now. Just enjoy this right now. Congratulations Sarah you really did it!”

I brought my glass up to her and we clinked glasses.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you Jay.”

She smiled up at me before she scooted closer to rest her head on my shoulder as she continued to read the comments. I couldn’t let her stay like this. Instead I finished my glass and told her I was going to turn in early. I put my glass in the kitchen and went to take a shower trying to remind myself that the space was needed. Once I was done in the shower I turned my lights off and climbed into bed. I wasn’t tired at all but I couldn’t sit out there with her no matter how much I wanted to. This was everything to her and I was pushing her away, I just hope it didn’t her hurt that much.

I was lying in bed for maybe an hour just trying to relax and fall asleep when my door flew open and Sarah came rushing in with her phone and jumped onto my bed.

“Oh my god Jay look at these comments!”

She scooted closer and laid on her stomach right next to me and handed me her phone.

“Knocking would be a common curtesy Sarah.”

“Oh yeah sorry, but look!”

I rolled my eyes at her, she was really testing myself control right now. I looked at her phone to see comments on Gray’s IG account under the small video of him listening to the new song. It was the part that they shared together. The comments were the normal “oppa I love you” or “oppa looks so cute” and “oppa’s song is lit”. Then mixed in were the comments about Sarah. They were talking about how sexy her voice is and of course that they wanted to know what she looked like. There were also some asking if she was dating Gray because they sounded amazing together. Others were begging Gray to show a picture of Sarah and the rest were asking when the next song would come out with her or when she would have her own song. They were all very positive but I didn’t really care for the ones about her and Gray sounding good together.

“Yeah these are good, I am very happy for you.”

Sarah turned to her side and snuggled up close to me letting her head rest on my chest.

“I am so happy right now I could just scream. I can’t wait to get back into the studio and work on some music. When do you think I will get my own song?”

“Let’s wait and see how the other songs do for now. If they go as good as these two then we can get started on your own song.”

She threw her arm over me and pulled me close to her in a one sided hug.

“Thank you Jay. I really really appreciate all you are doing for me.”

I looked down at her to see a small smile on her lips and I just wanted to pull her close and kiss that smile. I held back and gave her a smile and told her it was nothing. She shook her head and said it was everything before she sat up a bit and kissed my cheek before taking her phone and walking out of my room making sure to close the door. I was left alone in the complete darkness of my room with my cheek feeling as if it was on fire from her kiss. I didn’t know what to do at that moment but knew I needed to do something to put more space in between us before I did something stupid.

Sarah

The whole ride to the studio today was just weird. Between his baby girl nickname and me actually being in his bed and kissing him I just wasn’t sure what to think. When we got to the studio we walked in with him going to his office and me going to the usual room. When I got inside no one was there yet and I needed something to do to get my mind off this weird feeling I had. I decided to pull out my laptop and pull up the program Chase had showed me for creating some beats. I put my headphones on and just sat on the couch playing around with it. It was hard at first figuring things out but I eventually got the feel of it and it was moving along smoothly. I was so lost in what I was doing I didn’t even realize that Gray had showed up until he plopped down next to me pulling an ear bud out of my ear.

“Well good morning princess.”

“Morning Gray.”

“What are you working on?”

I tried to close my laptop and say it was nothing but he plucked it out of my hand and put the free earbud in his ear allowing him to hear what I was working on. I watched his face for any kind of clue as to what he was thinking. This was just me playing around and I really wasn’t trying to make anything out of it.

“This is pretty good, it needs work but its good. I like it and with a little more work it would be really good. If you need any help just let me or Chase know and we can give you some pointers.”

“Thanks, I mean it’s nothing really. I was just messing with it while I waited for you guys to come in.”

“Keep working on it princess and I’m sure it will be even better. Practice makes perfect, speaking of practice it’s time for us to work on this song.”

I saved the beat and put my stuff away as Gray got everything set up for us. The rest of the day was spent with us working on the song trying to make it as perfect as possible. It was another fast-paced song with a strong base to it. The beat really made the room shake and I wondered what it would sound like in the club. We only took breaks to get some food in us and to go over what we had to see what we needed to fix. By 7 Loco showed up and told us to call it a day and that we needed to go out to celebrate how good the songs were doing. I was on the same mind frame as Loco, I really wanted to go out and celebrate with the guys. Loco told me where to be before him and Gray took off to get ready and I went to find Jay. He was in his office going over something when I walked in.

“Hey the guys want to go out and we should probably head home to get ready as well.”

“Yeah sure.”

Jay stood from his desk grabbing his stuff and we made our way home. Again the silence between us wasn’t normal and I was sick of it.

“Everything good Jay?”

“Yeah. Just a lot on my mind.”

“If you want to talk I am always here, I’m a good listener.”

“No I am fine but thanks.”

The rest of the drive I didn’t say a single thing, there was something up with him but if he didn’t want to share then there was nothing I could do. When we got home he went to his room to get dressed and I went to mine.

I pulled out a pair of super low hip hugging black jeans that had rips all over the legs. When I was shown those, I made the comment of ‘what was the point I mind as well wear shorts’ but I was starting to really like them. They hugged my ass perfectly and sat low on my hips with only one button and a very short zipper. I paired it with black tube top and a jean vest. The shoes were a pair of timberland boots that I didn’t bother tying up all the way. I gave myself a smoky eye but kept the makeup minimal and tossed my hair up into a messy bun. I walked out to find jay in a pair of jeans and one of his famous silk shirts that was half unbuttoned. He looked like he was pure sin sent from the devil to tempt even the purest of women to come roll with him in his bed. Again nothing was said during our drive, but he looked angry now instead of just blank. I wanted to know what the hell was going on with him but knew if I asked again nothing would be said. Instead I would ask the guys to try and get it out of him.

We arrived at the club and walked in to find Gray, Loco, and Chase in the VIP room having some drinks but today we had another addition to the usual group. Christian Yu was there today tossing back drinks with the guys. I walked over sat next to Gray and greeted him. I knew of him because I followed him on IG and enjoyed the pictures he would post, he was a very attractive man. We were all having fun laughing and having some drinks and I felt the urge to get up and go dance, Gray must have sensed it because he came in close to whisper in my ear.

“Don’t forget Princess, no going off on your own. You take one of us with you or you dance up here.”

“I swear you guys are the worst. I am more than capable of handling myself.”

Christian must have heard our attempt at whispering because he looked over at us with a puzzling look.

“Who can handle themselves?”

Gray took the chance and explained to him what happened last time we were all out together and said that it was a rule now that someone has to be with me to protect me from the pervs of the club. Christian must have found this hilarious because he threw his head back and left out a loud laugh.

“Does she want to dance? I will go take her for a spin down there.”

Before Gray could say something, I jumped up grabbing Christian’s hand and dragged him to the stairs.

“Sorry about that but Gray probably wouldn’t have even let me come down here and would have demanded I stay up there. I really am capable of dancing alone.”

“It’s fine really, I like dancing.”

We made our way to the dance floor and let the music take over. I don’t know how long we were down there dancing and having fun. He really was a good dancer and I saw lots of jealous faces in the crowd of women who wanted to be the one dancing on this man. When we finally escaped the dance floor and made our way upstairs we noticed that Jay wasn’t there.

“Where did Jay go?”

Gray shrugged and pulled me down to the couch next to him.

“Don’t know, he got a phone call and left.”

“Do you guys know what’s going on with him? He has been pretty weird since last night.”

The guys looked at each other and shook their heads.

“Sarah you live with the man, if anyone were to have a clue it would be you.”

Loco had a point but I had no idea what was going on.

“Enough of this talk, it’s our time to celebrate our music so let’s just do that. Let our moody CEO go do his own thing. When he is ready to come back and be his normal self then he will.”

With that Gray ended the discussion and poured us all shots. Jay was not mentioned the rest of the night and we all drank and had a blast being us.

The end of the night came all too soon and Gray offered to bring me home but I said it would be pointless and that a cab would be just as good. Gray waited for me until I could get a cab and told the driver to make sure I got home ok. Always the sweet gentlemen that Gray. I thought as the cab pulled away from the curb.

The ride home didn’t take that long and before I knew it I was home. All I wanted to do was wash my makeup off and fall face first into my bed. I had reached my limit of drinks and Gray had switched me to water wanting me to be somewhat sober before I went home. He really didn’t have to worry about me being sober because what I came home to made me sober up real quick.

I unlocked the door and did my best to not make any noise thinking maybe Jay would have already been home and I didn’t want to make him any angrier then what he probably was. When I got in and was taking off my boots I noticed Jay’s shoes were not the only ones there. I stood there frozen for a moment staring at the pair of high heels that looked as if they cost a fortune. It was then that I heard it. The sounds of moaning coming from down the hall. I slowly and quietly moved from where I was frozen in the entry way and turned toward my room. The floor was littered with clothing. Seeing Jay’s shirt on the floor mixed with the unknown woman’s shirt and bra made my stomach turn. All the drinks and food I consumed were threatening to exit my body in the most painful way possible. I made sure to step over the clothing and I knew I should have walked right to my room but my feet kept going. His door was slightly open and I screamed at my legs to stop and to turn around but they kept going until I was standing in his door looking through the crack that was left open. I felt as if I was being stabbed in the stomach with the dullest butter knife ever made. There stood Jay with an unknown woman’s legs over his shoulders as he pounded into her. The moans were being mixed with the sound of their flesh slapping together, along with the smell of sex being pungent in the air and it made me even more sick. Hearing her call out his name was my breaking point. I turned and went to my room shutting my door and sliding down to the floor with my back against the door. I didn’t even bother trying to hold back the tears. I let them freely fall from my eyes as I felt not only as if I was being stabbed in the stomach but also my heart. My phone going off in my pocket made me jump and I quickly grabbed it before the ringing would alert the two in the other room that I was here.

Gray sparkles: Are you home yet?

Sarah: Yeah

Gray sparkles: Is Jay home yet?

Sarah: Yeah

Gray sparkles: Ok, good night princess.

Sarah: night

I turned my phone to silent and went from sitting against the door to laying on the floor with my feet curled up to my chest. I laid there trying to hold myself together as if I were to move or let myself go I would shatter into a million pieces. Jay wasn’t mine at all and he never was. He was just my boss and friend trying to help me get into the industry. I should never have allowed myself to get close to him. I didn’t bother moving from the spot and just laid there crying myself to sleep over a man I never had.

NEXT CHAPTER

TAGS: @nemesyis

#Jay park #fanfic #aomg #jay park scenarios #gray #loco

16 notes · View notes

makkeuga · 7 years

Text

markhyuck prince/servant au

mark as a prince and hyuck as his servant and..... this is like headcanons i guess

this is way too long jesus christ good luck 2 reading </33

- ok so mark would be the most admirable prince ever because he is so hard working and modest and kind and all the girls swoon over him tbh

- hyuck is his like... personal servant kinda?? who always wakes him up and makes him his bed and all so he isn't like too low in the hierarchy

- mark's family didnt want a maid to do that stuff for him bc they dont want their perfect son to feel lust over any girl

- but as we all know, mark isnt really even interested in girls but we will get to that later

- okay so hyuck and mark are very close since hyuck was born to the castle too since his mom was a servant like him and they grew up together

- they are lowkey highkey best friends but !! they have to keep it low because its not suitable for a good boy like mark to hang out with people like donghyuck.

- mark always tells donghyuck his worries and opens up to him before going to bed and he would sit on the edge of his huge bed in his nightgown talking to him and donghyuck would pretend to do some last minute chores so he doesnt have to go just yet

- but of course he always has to go because mark is a prince and donghyuck is just a servant

- all the other boys bore mark so much. he has to attend these fancy ass dinners and all because well, duties, and the other children are just as dull as middle aged men or either too rebellious and talking down to others. mark isnt good at making friends in general even though his parents always tell him to so he tries

- and yet he is always thinking about donghyuck and comparing him to the other boys. donghyuck is always better, always more funnier and more understanding

- so when he gets back to his room donghyuck is waiting for him and mark is on the verge of tears (of frustration) and he almost tears off the fancy clothing he is wearing because its tough to be the perfect prince

- donghyuck would just sigh and take marks hand and rub his thumb over his knuckles and shake his head

- "they are all so horrible, i wish i could take you to those dinners instead"

- "i wouldn't be suitable for that anyway, you have to find a girl to marry who you will take as your companion"

- mark would just go all quiet and shrug his shoulders because mark wants no girl. he is quite convinced donghyuck is all he needs (and his parents, he loves them, really)

- he would also miss the sad look in donghyuck's eyes

- because all the girls swoon over mark but donghyuck is the one who really knows him and who really loves and admires him. not the perfect image but the real mark who gets his palms dirty when he falls off a horse and who whines like a child when he has to get up in the morning

- ok but in the mornings after hyuck has gotten up and ready, he goes to wake mark up. he sneaks carefully into his room and shuts the door and then is when he marches determinedly to the windows and opens the curtains to let the morning rays of sun in

- "good morning sunshine!" he'd yell to mark who would just turn on his side under the heavy blanket and well, whine and groan

- "it's time to rise and shine!" hyuck singsongs the same cliches every morning so it doesnt affect mark anymore so he just closes his eyes

- donghyuck walks to his bed and starts pulling the blanket off but mark just grabs (sleepily!!) donghyuck by his arm and tugs him into the bed next to him and just wraps his arms around the younger boy

- because sleepy mark is also very cuddly mark. its the same thing every morning and it makes donghyuck lose his marbles bc... no.... u cant do that.. ily my bro... thats whats he is thinking

- mark keeps his eyes shut but when he opens them donghyuck's face is so close and the sunshine coming thru the window is reflecting on his eyes and he just looks super beautiful like that and mark is kind of starstruck

- he gets the butterflies and all but he refuses to think about it so he just smiles and laughs with his voice kinda deep because its the morning. mark doesnt understand why donghyuck looks so flustered

- hyuck hits his head with his palm and sighs very loudly

- "you have to get washed up" and drags him up

- donghyuck has known for a very long time that he doesnt like mark only as a friend. he isnt even exactly sure when it escalated to that point bc mark just has always kind of been there and hyuck has seen him grow and mess up and all

- he is /super/ possessive of mark tbh but he never tells the older boy it. like in the whatever space where the servants and maids and all live he can hear the servant girls giggling about how handsome and perfect mark is and how they are jealous of the princess who gets to marry him and donghyuck goes all >:[

- so hyuck would just say something snappy or mean that mark wouldnt like girls like them bc !! he is so jealous !!! bc donghyuck isnt a girl and he is still just a servant after all and it makes him so mad

- donghyuck has some issues with anger management too like nothing super hardcore but anger makes him wanna break bricks

- so he just walks out and tries to find mark

- and like when he is walking somewhere with mark and he sees the girls hyuck just steps closer to mark and glares at them because the older boy is his

- even though he knows he isnt and it wont last but he wants to pretend!

- mark on the other hand had a long, long (ass) ride with realizing what he felt towards hyuck... like where hyuck realized it in their preteens mark only realized it just now as in like... age of 16

- its like... he never really felt attraction to girls anyways or it was always like "i guess they are pretty but thats it" where about donghyuck he was like "my beautiful intelligent funny understanding warm best friend" but it was always like !! best friend !! boys dont like boys !!

- like. highkey in denial

- but it was also bc he was quite young and all so he thought that he will have crushes on girls when he grows up. but he never does and at first he is kind of confused and scared bc everyone is talking abt he will feel strange things towards girls but he never does

- at some point he just puts the two together like... the feelings you should feel towards girls and what he feels towards donghyuck

- again it scares him bc mark is stuck to the stuff he has been taught to!!!

- but after a while he is like.. hyuck is my best friend and i dont wanna lose him bc of this.... so its okay.... and just accepts it (its tough but!!! he manages)

- he doesnt tell hyuck tho

- they both are highkey oblivious but the way they act is so boyfriend-ish anyways so they rlly wouldnt need a lot of chance

- sometimes when the duties and the life in castle gets too much mark asks hyuck to sneak him out

- when he did it for the first time hyuck was hesitant and kind of angry like "??? dont u realize i could get killed for doing this?????" but tbh hyuck is so whipped and cant say no to mark

- and now it happens more often

- mark loves the rush and excitement and seeing the normal life around the town and hyuck just loves to please mark (thats a lie, its not about pleasing but making him happy)

- mark wears a cloak with a hood and keeps his gaze down and narrows his shoulders to appear smaller. he holds donghyucks hand while they r walking on the cobblestone ground bc... he doesnt even have a reason he just wants to hold his hand

- donghyuck doesnt question it bc he doesnt want mark to stop either

- they always have a blast in the town and mark feels normal and ordinary which he likes

- but this time when they r drinking hot chocolate in a narrow street, sitting on a porch, mark doesnt let go of hyucks hand. he just keeps his fingers linked with his while looking away bc he is kinda embarrassed

- they finish their drinks in silence and mark is lowkey sad bc its getting late and they have to go soon but he isnt just ready to let the moment pass so he leans his head on hyuck's shoulder and goes like

- "i dont want this to end. i wanna be normal. with u" and hyuck feels so so so sad

- but they return to the castle, like always

- ok but its mark who confesses bc... he knows he has the upper hand if things would go wrong (which he doesnt wanna talk about)

- its after a fencing practice and mark is all sweaty and gross and covered in mud and mark is gonna take a bath and obviously hyuck is in the bathroom to help him

- but mark is still kind of high on adrenaline while being very exhausted so its a strange state of mind he is in and thats what leads to him just blurting it out (also that how pretty donghyuck looks with a little bit dirt on his cheekbone and messy hair)

- so mark just blurts it out like vomiting "donghyuckilikeyousomuchlikeishouldlikegirlsbutilikeyou"

- and donghyuck is like....excuse me

- like he heard it but ??!!!???!?!?!? his brain is yelling and screaming and he is like what

- mark is coming down to it too and almost taking it back but hyuck is raises his finger saying that shut up, let me think, so mark just stands there lowkey panicking

- "you like me?"

- "im sor---"

- "you, the prince, mark lee, like me?"

- "i didn't----"

- "shut the fuck up"

- and donghyuck just walks to him and kisses him but its not like boom lips on lips action but very careful and gentle and very very clumsy bc neither of them know what they r doing

- but yay! they both realize they love each other!

- also they know it wont be easy but........ they both agree that its worth a try

- and mark gets more of his morning snuggles

and im ending this here its almost 3am adios this was a ride i maybe will continue this someday who knows

#my stuff #its actually three am and this is a mess #headcanons #markhyuck #markhyuck au #markhyuck imagines #nct dream #nct dream headcanons #mark lee #haechan #lee donghyuck #nct dream imagines #markchan #... thats all #what tags lol

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perinkling · 7 years

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aesthetic asks: any you feel comfortable answering

i guess thats all of them

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

im doing it right now, im singing car radio

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

exactly when and where i’ll find my lapis

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

accomplishments??? i dont have any of those

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

i had a great time last night with my friends @tadashiuniverse and @gaylienaesthetic

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

yeah, id go out and have more fun and do more with my life

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

well even though traveling isnt my thing, i’d love to go stargazing all over the world at the best spots, but otherwise i dont have anything on my bucket list

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

she has short curly brown hair and tons of freckles and perfect eyebrows

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

i guess

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

november 8th, when my ex broke up with me, and my parents comforted me

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

yoooo sophie

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

depends on how im feeling

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

sophie and mackenzie, and they’re good friends

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

“i love you so much” to my lapis

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

so pretty!!!

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning, friend.”

i feel like it’s reminding me that everyone has different experiences in their lives

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“what the fuck is going on”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

buy a house big enough for all of my friends to live in to escape our families

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

depends on who it is, if theyre someone im not close to, not at all, but if its a friend, i’ll forgive in an instant

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

“the way you speak now is fucking annoying and in 5 years seeing anyone speak like that will make you wanna die but you'll grow out of it and you'll start making the best friends of your life bc the friendships you forge in your "rAnDoM XD!!!!" phase are friends for life bc theyve seen you at your worst and deserve you at your best. mental illness shows up, you’re a lesbian, and you fall for the most beautiful girl in the entire universe, from your past life, and you'll find her reincarnated in this life, still perfect for you.”

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

i love them so much bc i want a septum ring, snake bites, an industrial bar in my right ear and a second set of piercings in my ears, then tattoos on my wrists

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

nah bc too much effort

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

twenty one pilots bc their music is like my aesthetic, its the kind of weird that describes me

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

“i love lapis lazuli”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

ive been to duran duran and brad paisley and they were amazing

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

id want it to be from my lapis and id want it to be a love letter

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organized/not organized?

yeah but i never use it and it is the messiest thing ever

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

i get in bed then stay on my phone for an hour looking at memes then i go to sleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

that im fictionkin

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

blue and green like this

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

sophie, mackenzie, crest, nick, and aurelia, and we’d go stargazing

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

to find my lapis from my peridot canon because i’m madly in love with her and want to find her

to get into unc asheville bc its my first choice college

for all my friends to be safe bc i care about them

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

my peridot cosplay

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

ive never been drunk or high

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

hurt an animal

storms: you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

kitchen sink - twenty one pilots, idk i just love it so much

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

yes, and it feels like youre floating every time you see or talk to the person and the feeling that you could never ever get tired of them

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

im already doing it my guy, im a girl and ive had short hair since eighth grade and im in 12th now

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

white hot chocolate with peppermint syrup and whip, and sophie could order it for me

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

either finding lapis or going to college

#Anonymous

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sduckyz · 4 years

Text

So we just got new neighbors

and before moving in they apparently had to redo the entire apartment first with all the fun noises of ripping carpets and woodfrom the floor and what sounded like breaking cement walls or floor with a giant hammer and a whole lot of drilling for 3 fucking months.

so they managed to move in right before christmas so they have now lived here around 2 weeks or so

and they came up here to complain about noises. and their complaint was drilling and the clock noise. We have a very old clock which dings every half hour and dings for the hours. which i imagine isnt fun when you just moved in but its pretty fast to become background noise which you forget is there. and then they complained about drilling noises.. we drilled.ONCE at like 8pm. amazing. anywho, so you know if your new neighbors are complaining about noises within a month of living here. then you just know its gonna be a fun ride. I get it. its hard to sleep in a new place and i imagine the clock we have in the living room isnt helping but you cant exaclty just blame all of your tiredness on us tho. but hey if the complain about something we can fix. no problem. But the clock is staying where it is and the drilling happened once in the last month so. currently. nothing we can exactly fix. also our old neighbor used to have a home theater in his living room which meant that some days at 3am the whole apartment would be shaking because they were watching an action movie. but well see how this rolls out. I am curious if theyll complain again once i start practising on my violin. which mind you im not an asshole i make sure to do it around 5pm. too late to bother people sleeping in and too early to bother people going to sleep early.

#personal #noise complaints #fun #neighbors

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

i dont know how i feel. i’m very conflicted and sad. i dont want to be but my soul tells me i probably should be.

hes very excited to quit his job and take temporary leave across the country. he joked, ‘youll leave me now that i dont have a job’ and i replied ‘no, youre leaving ME now that you dont have a job’

‘what do you mean? i thought you said you would follow me.’

‘... i will follow you’

‘so then follow me. thats why i wanted to bring the truck. i just want time to myself first so i can create better habits and stop being lazy.’

at this point i realized my theory regarding north york was right and he was not happy about my refusal to follow him. but it wasnt right. and although this is being spoken about 6 months in advance i feel like theres a certain amount of disrespect? like it wasnt a discussion - it was just once again something he’d do and i was welcome to join him.

and i dont know if thats right for me? like to be totally fair, i dont know whats right for me. i dont even know where i want to be, who i want to be, what i want to o with my time. i’m really figuring all of this out right now. and like i was some years late on this because of all my shit and once i figure it out i think i’ll be fine but it’s ~the seeker again. i’ve been repeating, “i asked timothy leary and he couldnt help me either” after seeing the documentary with him an ram dass. like i have questions that are so deep an profound to life that i may never find answers and maybe thats who the fuck ill be and if thats who i am then how do i find ways to exist in this life.

like - i hate everyone. i really dislike everyone i know right now but i continue to socialize with them because this is what ive known this is what ive built - this is what i have. i should have done better. i’m trying to make people who will never really amount to much do more than theyre ever destined for and i’m frustrated about it. i’m continually frustrated that i put in this massive amount of effort that NO ONE else puts in and they have THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF TIME. i know i’m sick - i know because if i wasnt, if i never had the parents i had - if i had opportunities given to me i wouldnt be here right now. i am so angry at people who have opportunities and continually shit on them. i’m here doing the most with nothing and getting only a few steps ahead.

i thought i didnt care where i lived. but that was a serious lesson when i moved to the north of the city. i fucking hate the suburbs and i fucking hate being in the midle of nowhere. it is not fun or quaint biking everywhere or being off the main transit line. i biked home at 3am and bought smokes in the time it would take me to bike to the bus stop to go downtown. and i thought i didnt care about the way i lived but it turns out that my environment weighs heavily on me. i “thrive” in a city atmosphere where things are bustling and i can jump in at any time. i have no qualms about missing opportunities for socializing because i know ill have more very soon. being able to get resources to live super quickly means i have no problem doing multiple tasks in a day. it was like when i took anti anxiety meds and realized what anxiety was. i did not know what i had until it was gone and i was able to learn that i did in fact do better in a room. i was raised in a room. and it sounds sad and maybe it is sad but i WANT to be in a room. i dont even WANT a house. i thought i did. i thought i wanted my own little place an if i could have a stand alone room on a street maybe id take my own place but i hate it. i hate doing dishes and mopping and dusting and everything. ive just now figured out how to keep one single room tidy and organized and it makes me feel very good.

what am i doing? he called me king of the losers. i am. i am king of the losers - of all the shitty art people trying to make a “career” from being an artist; i’m the top of the line. there are “artists” doing better than me but out of all the losers who arent, i’m the top. and i choose to remain this way because i cannot stand the attention, i canno stand being a leader and i am on the precipice of something that i know i can make huge which i do not think even my “subjects” realize what that means. if i believe something will happen - it almost always does. it means i have the confidence and drive to make it happen. its not even happenstance - i know exactly what to do, what cards to play and i feel like i’m there right now. i could take my next step above king of the losers but why? why? what will i get? acknowledgment for the work i did, people will “like me”, maybe i’ll get some money - maybe it’ll go so far that it’ll be of value to something bigger that wants a piece of it and i’ll be bought out like similar projects before me. but why? what in the hell do i care? how do i define “glory” or “success” and is this it? i’m literally twiddling my thumbs with this. i’m biding my time between this and the next “big thing” - the “serious” one.

so why cant i follow him? if i finally get the benefits i’ve been waiting for, they’re only applicable in this province. i will have to reapply in a province that contains the amount of people currently living in this city almost four months after finally getting it here. although i have no family now, i will be literally half way across the country from anything i have ever known for the entire 27 years of my life whch is extremely terrifying right now. i dont know if i even want to leave this city right now. i just dont know. what do i do with the cats? take them half way across the country? in a pick up truck?

what helped my consideration was the proposal .. of well a literal proposal. but not so much out of love - but a contract, an agreement between us that when we were “done”, he would pay for me to return to my home province. like itll be my job to find a place to live at but i want him to pay for my return because i know with or without a job ill be able to find some cash when i get back but getting back with my shit would be super hard and i just want to know that the hardest part for me is taken care of so i always have “freedom” to return to what i know. imagine being stuck halfway across the country because we broke up? losing all my shit? having to beg & borrow to get back to anything familiar? i dont want alimony - in fact i think this is the prenup agreement. i get nothing at all except my moving expenses covered which i think is kind of beneficial to him too - he wont have to see me or keep me around any longer than necessary. i dont know if we can legally sign an agreement that says this otherwise which is why i stupidly think maybe we sould just secretly get married to enforce the fact he cant just get up and walk away without taking care of things with me unless hes really shitty about it. its not about beig forever taken care of either - even if i have the money to move i think its fair after everything to just be able to get back an start my own life again without a major struggle. like if i give up my whole life here to go there, the least i can get is my shit sent back and a plane ticket.

but then - i dont want to take a plane alone. i mean, to get there. if he decides to road trip himself with the truk and has no reason to return he may just want to send me a ticket and i’m absolutely not ready for such things not even in six months - okay for therapeutic purposes ill say MAYBE in six months but honestly im still trying to get on a bus to toronto let alone an airplane to another province. i love him but i honestly think id refuse to get on a plane by myself. especially if i had gone through the stress of giving up the cats or hoosing to move or even leave for a significant period of time. he also has ties there and i dont and i feel like i’ll be _the_ goth girl of the province. like the entire province, i’ll be _the_ goth girl. but maybe i’m assuming and stereotyping - maybe theres a whole scene of people there i also dont want to fucking know.

but what if this is the thing? what if this is that turning point in my life where i say fuck it and i just do a thing and see where it takes me in this life that WITH OR WITHOU A DECISION ill still be living here for the next many decades and that’s really hard to fathom. like some days i think that “okay tomorrow imjust going to bus back to my building in bramalea and say hi to my dad and chill in my room & smoke some weed”. actually, honestly, alot of days. maybe every other day this real genuine feeling of being able to do this overtakes me an i feel very saddened by it. i will never be able to do that and that is nuts. but maybe part of it is living so close. doing the same things. living the same life. this isnt a life i made, this is a life that became.

maybe if i could take the cats i’d be more stoked on it but even i think it’s impossible. i dont know. i’m just going to try and plow ahead on my own thing - like i had been doing and reassess myself in the new year. maybe ill find “success” and within it “independence” where ill find what i have too valuable to give up. maybe nothing will change ill be desperate to find something different.

i didnt feel good though. like, i have some insomnia which usually bothers me but i know i napped late yesterday and ran out of weed and it’s okay. i knew i’d figure something out and if iwas soooooo desperate i couldve hit a dab. but it wasnt about the weed. the lack of weed didnt give me anxiety and i sort of sat back and witnessed myself cycle through my patterns of anxiety until i had made myself upset enough to cry. im not sure i had a real reason to. but all of these things weighed heavily on my mind and i wasnt able to talk about them and maybe now even this is something to think about on my own - if i wouldnt leave the province without him, should i go with him? it’s a truly independent decision and if i want to “follow”, it’s my responsibility to decide these things in order to be able to “follow”. the lack of weed perhaps made my usual level of anxiety harder to handle and although i tried, it was still going. eventually i began to think of christmas and how he’d be gone and if i didnt go with him we’d break up and just everything that could follow did and i wanted to leave. it was the middle of the night an i was upset and i wanted to go home

but i know this gives him anxiety. i know we’ve argued about going home after dark even. but i decided to follow the “switch” - i’m 27 years old and in no way bound to this person. theyve done numerous things far worse and i was essentially sitting beside them in the dark for hours on end for their benefit. i got dressed but it took me another 45 minutes to decide to leave. i thought id regret it - get half way there and feel stupid. maybe itd be really cold. but once i got on my bike i felt like i could breathe - i took back control. i feel like i panic at a sense of losing control of my own life. like i can lose control of situations but if i cannot atleaast control my own life and how i live, it causes panic attacks. once i felt in control i felt freedom - a freedom i didnt have to pay for. which is a really significant thing to think about.

i dont hate him. maybe this is not about him because he has all the right in the world to decide these things because we are two individual people moving forward and we have to decide on certain things to allow each other to exist in each others lives. i realized if he was going to the store with our friend he’d probably get up early to go which meant i’d be sitting aroun waiting while he showered and ate breakfast so i could be dropped off at home for a few hours. i decided i might as well skip the morning routine and get in a few hours of sleep. he’s supposed to take me pumpkin picking later which i am excited for but right now honestly im most excited for the small sliver of comfort i created for myself.

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