#its 6am im having a real one

[dallonwrites]

my autistic ass when i would try to explain to my non-autistic writer friends how my ocs don’t just feel like characters/plot devices/narrative tools, they feel like fully fledged people that just live inside my brain who i just have access to for some reason and the stories i write are merely a snapshot into their fully fledged personhood/lives. and that that these feelings don’t mean i’m unaware of my role/agency/responsibility as the writer who has the final say in these characters and how they are written it just means that my writing process feels very intuitive and i can only describe it as “listening” and “getting to know” these people that just live inside my brain in a way that i don’t feel like i can completely elaborate on. and because of this i would actually consider these characters “real” in their own way because the impact and influence they have had on me as a person beyond just my writing is so real and not having them would feel like i’m missing a part of myself 

[todayisafridaynight]

there's only two things on this godless fuck of an earth i care about and one of them is kazumaji and the other is minedai which means half the time i am eating well and thriving and living my best life and the other half of the time i am clinging to your blog like a lifebuoy and devouring anything even slightly minedai related i see so what i'm saying is thank you for existing and doing what you do, it keeps me sane

my god you really are starving i'm so sorry my sweet summer child i'll do my best to take care of you. very happy to have you around Very Joyed to hear i can keep you afloat my brother

[n0ct0urn1quet]

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyways!

@raiden-metal-gear-rising you

[81folklore]

heaven - OP81 - part 4

pairings: oscar piastri x private!fem!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

summary: oscars winter break as seen through social media

type: social media au (smau)

authors note: THEYRE BACK BABYYY!! ive missed these two so much so here 🤲 i spent a while trying to decide what i wanted to happen with these two (already have some plans) but i needed to post and my current wip is so frustrating 😕

authors note 2: its official theyre my favorites, i had sooooo much fun writing this, just two babies in love!!!! requests are always open and feel free to come chat!! (also i wrote this at 6am so sorry if there are any typos🫶)

heaven masterlist masterlist

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 9,289 others

always dressing up 🖤

📸 oscarpiastri

view comments

yourfriend3 actually insane

yourfriend7 you are so lovely

oscarpiastri how are you even real

yourusername babyyyy☹️

oscarpiastri 😍😍

yourusername 🤩🤩

user5 ur outfits are always unreal

landonorris is thought u were staying in tonight??

yourusername we are..i dressed up for fun😁

user7 THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE

user18 SKWKZIWJJS

user93 my jaw DROPPED

yourfriend2 my favorite outfit of yours!!

user54 biggest question is if we’ll get winter break content😕

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, yourfriend1 and 13,279 others

my favorite time of year💫

view comments

oscarpiastri weenie waits for no one

yourusername heyy he likes sleeping in the warm☹️☹️

oscarpiastri still steals my seat😕

user54 oh my god

user3 DID OSCAR TAKE THOSE?!

yourusername yesss🫠

yourfriend6 see you soon!!

user68 the outfits NEVER disappoint

user2 im so ok

user26 THE FOURTH PHOTO??

user63 THE LAST PHOTO??

user5 you are so so pretty

yourusername thank uuuu🫶

oscarpiastri

liked by aussiegrit, yourusername and 436,742 others

life without racecars☀️

view comments

user54 OH MY GOD

user77 i may never recover

yourusername weenie and back photos oh i won *liked by creator*

landonorris ?!?!!?!

user2 LMAOOOO

user4 i feel ill i cant cope

user32 i need someone to love me the way they love each other

yourusername ☀️☀️

user9 the third photo..the THIRD PHOTO

user44 don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry

twitter

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 14,281 others

oscar oscar oscar

i hold so much love for you i often feel like its about to spill out of me, unable to be contained, and when im with you i let it. i let it fill the room and cover you until you really feel how much i love you

every day i wake up thinking about how lucky i am that i get to love you, that i get to live with you. its a blessing and im the luckiest girl in the world

ill never be able to fully explain just what you mean to me, just how much youve impacted and improved my life. everyday i find myself thinking of you and finding bits of you in places i least expect and then i get filled with this happiness that i only experience with you

you are the light of my life oscar piastri and i will love you in every universe, i promise

tagged oscarpiastri

comments on this post have been limited

oscarpiastri i love you more than words can describe, you have made me the happiest man alive

oscarpiastri i am in awe of you every single day and i cannot believe i get to spend them with you

yourusername 🩷🩷

op81priv

liked by yourusername, ln4priv and 37 others

the love i feel for you is infinite and is strong enough to keep me alive forever

you keep my heart filled with a love that ive never felt before and i will only ever feel for you

you’re my forever person, my bestfriend and i will love you until i cant love any more

comments on this post have been limited

yourusername oh oscar i love you so much

yourusername forever sounds perfect to me

twitter

yourusername added to their story

[hetr0ph0bic]

Okay so this is a half baked shuriri request but what about a multi part of them trying to woo a bossed up powerhouse y/n who’s supposed to be doing business with them (maybe PR for a new invention they’ve created)? Could be v spicy, esp if the y/n is bratty/dom herself

GIVE IT UP

tag: shuriri x blk fem reader 

a/n: this is 3 parts yall! no smut in this one, but its sweet im super excited for this 😎😎😎. remember like in stuff if u enjoyed thank yall love yall!

your phone shakes with a green and red button on the screen

“hello” you answer in a drawn out voice.

“yes y/n i see you’re on madison ave, why?”

you roll your eyes at her energy filled tone, “well this is the way to the hotel is it not”

“y/n! i told you, you had to go network at the casino business party” she yells

“ im not fucking doing that” you say in a monotone voice.

“wait please” you can just imagine your assistant pleading eyes 

“no, look ive been working since 6am… im going to the hotel”

“please just 15 minutes in and out! plus, it could open many doors” damn, she does have a point but, no.

“no im not even dressed for that” you look down at your ripped dirty blue jeans

“you’re going to be fine, im turning the car around”

“what-”

“it goes with your brand ‘young/ reckless/ genius’ plus the shirt and shoes you have on pulls it together, you're going to be fine!” hasani chirps through the phone

the car then comes to an abrupt stop. you look out the window, now seeing your front of some building. ‘casino parties llc’. stepping out of the black escalade and brown boy with a simple tux greets you with a smile. 

“miss y/n of ‘real tech’! right this way”.

 the boy ushers you through the casino. scattered loud conversations and music fill the spacious building. red and gold carpet flooring and walls all over, it seems like a business party. suits and dresses all over, old people talking about bullshit. with a sigh, you begin to join them, shuffling through bodies. time slowly passes as you network around the room. a fake smile plastered on your face, and light wine in your right hand. at last, all the pointless congratulations and empty promises stop. looking down at your phone, about ten minutes have passed, you turn to the backdoor about to leave. seeing something glisten in your peripheral view, you turn to the source.  

hand in hand, there they are. looking down on the floor from the balcony.

 the old friend. riri williams. the girl who helped push your creative mindset and motivation in college. on her arm is a known face, shuri udaku, black panther, and ruler of wakanda.

from above, shuri leans into riri’s side

“woah, that’s y/n from real tech” shuri smiles bright

“ yeah that’s y/n from my 12pm bioengineering class” riri kisses shuri’s cheek with a smile

“ huh… did she always look like that” 

“ nah that’s something new to me. don’t get me wrong, she was always good looking but-”

“she’s grew into herself” shuri finishes the sentence 

riri then leans over the railing, locking her eyes with yours. with her hand she waves lightly, grabbing shuri’s, they make their way down the stairs. the two sport similar blazer outfits. riri's has slacks and a vest, revealing more skin than the other. shuri has the same all-black outfit but with a heavy blazer coat. silver and gold jewelry paints their bodies, mixing beautifully. the couple complement each other so well, clothes and body's. as the two make their way towards you, bodies naturally part, making room for them. after a sometime, they reach you.

“hm funny seeing you here” riri crosses her arms in front of you.

“and why is what?”

“well it isn't mr. roger's stupid class now is it”

“haha thank GAWD it isnt, i hated him” you cover your mouth giggling from the joke 

“whaaa i think he for real had it out for us, but it’s good to see you” you both reach out closing the space between the two of you. riri looks to her side looking at shuri

“this is my wife shur-”

“yes, yes ms.udaku, panther pleasure to meet you” you reach your hand out shaking hers

“yes same here, how’s the party treating you?” shuri asks with a smile

“honestly? okay i guess i was only sticking around for 15 minutes then leaving”

“what why” the couple's face full of confusion 

“i’ve been up since 6am ri. and talking with old people who think you're disrespectful to their dumbass traditions isn’t really my fav pass time” you wave a waiter hand off your cup of wine to them.

“well, seems like we are not the only ones” shuri states looking down at riri.

“i had to drag her over here, literally” riri bumps her body against shuri. the other bashfully smiling.

“how about this we leave here and just get some food and drinks?” riri offers

“ yeah, but only if you are up for it” shuri gives a unsure look at you 

“nah its okay i know a diner close by”

you find yourself in the front side of the royal's car, directing shuri where to go

“yeah turn here on 47th- yeah right here”

‘carve unique sandwiches’ the old sign reads 

the three of you shuffle inside the small  shop. yall take to order food, a big pizza being the main corse. after paying, the three of you find seats close to the cashier. riri passes out paper plates on the wooden table.

“so what happened, after school. in life and appearance wise” she ask while stuffing a pizza in her mouth

“ yeah? apparently you didn’t use to look like this?” shuri chimes in.

“yeah bruh i don’t even know man. now started working for real on my engineering projects after graduation. now i did stop letting people walk over me which was a process and hell on its own. as for my body…. im still eating the same doing the same stuff, so that's truly a mystery.” you grab the pizza and ranch drizzling it on top, and taking a big bite.

“you look good” shuri comments

the compliment take you by surprise, making to choke. clearing your throat, you try to find your balance again 

“umm thanks thanks” you look down at the table, pizza, people walking outside. anywhere but them.

“yeah and we are in wakanda, but you’ve made a whole name for yourself with real tech”. riri says while sipping on a sprite.

“ speaking of that, would you like to work together on a project. i have a new idea for my soldiers and others”.

“what absolutely, how are we gonna make it work tho? when do yall head back to wakanda?”

“ well im free tomorrow i just gotta move stuff around, can we come to lab in the morning?”

“yeah i get up a 6am so be there by then” you pull out for phone putting in their numbers and calling your car. after a bit all the food is finished.

“so ill see yall in the morning?”

“ see you in the morning, y/n!”

you and the couple part, heading to their homes and beds. you quickly take a shower, anticipating the next morning. the couple does the same, the water turns on. steam filling up the walk in shower.

“ so you like her?” riri rubs the soapy rag against shuri’s back

“so do you” shuri shoots back defensively 

“ yeah do, stop being so defensive” riri smack her back lightly 

“anyone with eyes would want her” riri finishes the thought. shuri turns to face her again, looking into her eyes.

“ no matter what, shuri you have to keep your cool and take it slow”

“i know of course, but we are only here for two more days” shuri whines

the couple finishes up, bodies melting into the soft bed.

pt2

tags @karimwillia @shurismainbxtch @shuriszn @widowmakker @letitias-fav @rxcently @acommonwhor3 @garbagesleepschedule @nightlife-things @sweetalittleselfish-honey @louderfortheback @heartsforjojo 

[jikangairodo]

character info sheet

name: 七海建人 Nanami Kento

name meaning: Nanami's surname contains the kanji for "seven" (七 nana) and "sea" (海 mi), and his first name contains "to build, to establish" (建 ken) and "person" (人 to) ty wiki

alias: 7:3 Sorcerer, Nanamin

ethnicity: Japanese, maternal grandfather is Danish

(under the cut because its a lot of waffling)

picture/icon you like best of your character: this entire page is fire tbh. the fwish fwish. the ratio technique. the undercut.

ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ : 

nanami runs hot. he is always warm to the touch. his metabolism is stupidly fast. he eats a lot, burns it all off and then is hungry again within 2 hours. its the muscle mass ok. because of this, he gets sweaty quickly (i know this is v unsexy of him. he showers twice a day at least, i promise) that's why the blazer and tie is first to go when things get serious

he sleeps like he's dead. nothing will wake him except his very loud and obnoxious alarm or vigorous shaking. he has also mastered the art falling asleep anywhere at any time; sitting up, leaning on something, on the floor. you name it, he can sleep on it. one minute you're having a conversation, the next he's balling up his blazer into a makeshift pillow, the next he's passed out. im sorry to all the faculty staff who have had to witness him laying around on furniture seemingly unresponsive ajfhkjagh

he will go into overtime after 8 continuous hours of work. it doesn't matter if the working day starts at 6am or 1pm. starting at 6am will trigger his binding pact at 2pm. starting at 1pm will trigger it at 9pm. getting ready for the day doesn't count as work, it only starts when he's officially on duty. so when he steps into jujutsu high, or when he arrives on location. lunches and breaks do not detract from his accumulated hours but if he spends the whole time messing around, he won't go into overtime at all. its about the mindset.

ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇs ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ :

cooking. someone has to feed the beast that is his stomach. he's a v good cook and can rustle up something decent from whatever he finds in the kitchen. he finds it relaxing as well. there's something special about transforming a random assortment of veg and meat into something palatable. his parents raised him on both japanese & danish cuisine so he is equally fond of putting together a smørrebrød as he is a sammich

he likes watching movies, documentaries, cooking programs. generally he'll leave the tv on while puttering around because white noise. he'll always come back to the couch with snacks/ beer and carry on watching tv like he never left. he wont even ask what he missed. despite wanting to, he never has the mental capacity to pick up a book and read at the end of the day

getting wasted, sloshed, tipsy, hammered

sɪx ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇs / ʟᴏᴠᴇs :

in the main timeline his people are shoko, gojo, yuuji, ino & haibara. that being said, he will lay down his life for literally every student and colleague. he is mad at geto for all this shit so he is deliberately excluding him from this list, even though geto was his 2nd fave upperclassman as a student. shoko is in first place. gojo is always dead last.

ᴛᴡᴏ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ʀᴇɢʀᴇᴛs :

haibara's death

leaving Jujutsu high/ coming back (?)

ᴛᴡᴏ ᴘʜᴏʙɪᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ʜᴀs :

nanami genuinely has no real phobias. he will put spiders outside. he will check if there's strange noises, he will sit in a darkened room with no windows np he is just unshakeable like that

people around him dying is probably it. the only true fear he has.

tagged by: @impishsensei (hearteyes u)

tagging: @cloistress, @vessuna, @10shadowd (because u 2 are a set) @pontevoix (for any jjk muse. do u regret being mutuals yet) @eveningbluemoon, @visioncursed (im sry for throwing so much at u omg)

[aquilaaktuk]

deathstar puss in boots last wish au? deathstar puss in boots last wish au.

hastily doodled in a starbucks and everything. theres like way more tho

’why is this written like a shitpo-’ I WRITE LIKE I THINK AND HOW I THINK MADE ONE OF MY TEACHERS PUT ME IN LEARNING ENHANCEMENT IM NOT KIDDING

anyway i had an idea for this but it came to me at 6am after i just woke up so it’s probably REALLY eh. anyway kid is death because thats like the logical jump and blackstar is puss and tsubaki is kitty but not romantically involved at all because tsustar is. vile. anyway, they’re cat robin-hoods, steal from the rich give to the poor. one day blackstar steals something thats supposed to grant immortality and he’s like “theres no way this is real but lemme test it out anyway for personal reasons.” and then it ends up being real. and he’s totally chilling with that because this could be his shot at surpassing god ‘cept death and death jr are not okay with that at all and he looses in a really funny way to dtk and gets pretty pissed. his day is ruined more when tsubaki says she’s on her last life and wants to retire and blackstar properly freaks out. in my head i steal from the sandman a little and the thompsons are two regular twins who got killed during a robbery gone wrong and then get the chance to keep ‘living’ as presumably servants of death and they’re like ‘yeah sure whatever’ and then get passed off to his neurotic nervous wreck of a son and then also belatedly realise theyre ravens and definitely not human. they chill though theyre his literal wing-sisters. *flicks wrist*

anyway because big daddy death is totally not chill with the idea of immortal cats wandering around he tells dtk to go and Git Him because its good training for when he succeeds him or whatever. anyway dtk goes and tries to do that and even though every time they fight he absolutely claps blackstar, b*star always gets away and its getting kinda really frustrating, so he just watches him trying to find a moment where his guard is down enough for a quick stab n go. doesnt really happen instead he just gets feelings which is really gay and lame of him everyone point and laugh. anyway eventually he goes from ‘i must kill this guy because dad said so’ to ‘i wanna be his friend and maybe also kiss him idk’ hes not very good at emotions. its just as well the thompsons are there. anyway eventually theyre on speaking terms and after much preamble they have a lil heart to heart and its very sweet.

i imagine if ass*star was a cat he’d be a maine coon not because they’re large or particularly menacing, but because theyre one of the few breeds with enough fur to maintain that absolutely batshit hairstyle that hes got going

anway kid is like totally freaking out because big daddy death told him to go and kill this guy and he’s absolutely not done that at all, in fact he’s done the polar opposite and romanced him instead so they’re running around trying to figure out what to do and liz is like ‘dude your dad would kill and die for you why not just be out with it’ so they do that and lo and behold, big daddy death is like. totally chill about it.

anyway death dies and that really sucks but i also havent thought up to that point, all i know is that ass*star wont be allowed to run around like that forever and hes definitely not off the hook for becoming some fucked up god of accidentally gaining immortality. 

‘but what about the lines of sa-’ i dont care. 

[atjsgf]

rereading fic i wrote in ninth grade and theres a moment that was ripped directly from my real life that i completely forgot about until now

so for the uninitiated seminary is this early morning scripture study class that mormon teenagers have to go through monday through friday before school all through high school. you have to be there at like 6AM and its basically an extra church lesson every day. in places like utah they often have seminary buildings near the high school so kids can actually just go during the school day, but in places with smaller mormon populations like my hometown you go in the morning. i hated it and resent that it exists.

anyways, so one morning i missed seminary bc i had drank expired milk with my breakfast cereal and got sick. so the next day i come in and my teacher asks me why i wasn't there the previous day.

she didn't ask it in like a conversational way btw, she seemed mad about it, like she was holding me to account, which is strange because these people do not get paid to teach seminary, they don't have to worry about attendance, grades or school funding or anything, like there's no reason for her to have a vested interest in my missing one morning.

but im autistic and good at lying to myself so i just assumed i was reading her incorrectly, and the rest of the exchange went like:

me: i was sick--

her: how sick?

me: really sick, i--

her: why did you get sick?

me: i drank some bad milk--

her: what kind of milk???

me: ...........what?

her: you know! whole milk, 2 percent, fat free, what???

she got like increasingly annoyed and aggressive throughout this exchange, like she was interrogating me as part of a murder investigation or some shit, like i was the one being cagey and unreasonable. truly bizarre behavior. i genuinely don't remember what i said to that, i think maybe another student like intervened to draw her attention to something else? but she stopped interrogating me and class continued.

this is the same woman who heard me say i wanted to be a professional musician and condescendingly asked me if i wanted to be a rockstar and then, before i could even finish responding, said "you might end up rocking babies instead, you know," to which the whole class laughed at me. just normal kind christlike behavior <3

[x3kristax3]

After Duskwood- Chapter 1

next chapter

I sit there and watch everything from my apartment in the city and I'm in tears. I try to call Jessy but no answer. I open the group chat

MC: guys…. I don't know how to say this…

Dan comes on

Dan: what is it?

MC: it was richy

Cloe comes on

Cloe: what no you saw him tied up with Hannah

MC: i know 😭 but its true. Someone tell me they see Jessy

Dan: yeah she just bolted to the room crying

MC: tell her im on my way. I just booked a flight, and rental car im coming to you guys

I sign off my flight leaves at 6am and that gives me 4 hours. I pack my bag and arrange for a cab.

Its the next day with layovers and delays. I step off the plane. Phone still in my hand and hasn't gone off with Jake. I'm getting worried he didn't make it out or the FBI got him.

I sign back in while waiting for my luggage and open the chat with just Jake

MC: im on my way to the spot. Please answer me

Jake comes on

Jake: I just got here drive safe. They are still looking for me.

He signs off just as fast 

MC: i can't wait to see you

I see my luggage and grab it and head to get my rental car. I put the address he gave me in the navigation and drive there. I pull over to rest my eyes as I've barely slept in 3 days. I finally pull up to a rundown motel and I'm nervous. I skip the front desk as he told me his room number. I'm carrying my luggage and I walk up to his room and knock on it. I see the curtain move from the corner and then hear the door unlock from inside. He's standing inside and I'm mesmerized. I knew he had black hair but wow. I drop my luggage and wrap my arms around him and cry. He pulls me close then lets go. He grabs my bags real fast and locks the door again. I'm standing in the hallway and he puts my bags down. 

" I'm so sorry MC"  he says

I cant even say anything as i hug him again and this time i dont cry i just hug him tight.

"I didn't get Richy out in time" Jake says

I turn away from him "i still can't believe it was him '' I say sitting down on the bed and my phone starts ringing. It's closer to Jake.

"It's Jessica" he says and hand me the phone

I answer and its video chat we both look horrible from crying and lack of sleep

"Dan says you were coming to Duskwood?" She says

"Yeah I made a stop to see Jake" I say looking at him

"When will you be here?" She asks and i see her looking around

"Tomorrow I need some sleep. Try and get some sleep too" i say

"I'll try i think I'm gonna keep seeing him" she says

"Jessy, Jake tried to get him out and couldn't he's really gone'' I say crying again. Jake rubs my back but stays off the camera

"I'm gonna hug you tight tomorrow but I'll let you go" she says

"Bye Jessy" I say as I end the chat

"I hate to say this right now but protecting you is my main mission now. I can't have you stay in this room in case they find me." Jake says looking at his screen

"I know i just wish i could stay just one night in your arms" I say as I look at him as he sit next to me "specially with everything that has happened"

"I meant everything I told you" he says grabbing my face "i love you and i just want to keep you safe. I'm going to start trying to clear my name so we can have a sense of security with each other"

I hug him tight again this time he kisses me and the world stops moving. He pulls away my eyes still closed "just how i imagined it….. the world stopped" i say as i stand up.

"I got you another room. I did get a second key for it so i can try and come see you" he says as he hands me the key

"Tomorrow ill be heading to Duskwood you know that right?" I say with a sigh as i take the key

"I know" he says looking away from me

"That means i wont be back until im done there" i say looking at him then i hear the computer go off and i look at it

"We will figure this out but please go they are close" he says handing me my luggage i kiss him one more time real fast and walk out the door. I hear him close it and lock it as i go to find the room.

[bellalalawrites]

witnessing death:

it's been a long time coming *cue taylor swift's opening song for the eras tour* (i still can't move on, it's so magical. and yes, i just converted to become a Swiftie since Midnights released lol)

a heck alot of things had happened for the past few months. I have reached that 1 year mark of my first job (which I constantly vowed to myself that I wanna be here only for 6 months top... but look where we are now *sigh*), I have went to job interviews and failed also, I had my fits again and again when I thought I have been better, I started driving, went to staycation with my best friends, consistently committed to therapy (yay me) and recently... the passing of my beloved one.

not sure whether I have grieved well or I haven't grief at all, or just that I have turn into *real adult* that I didn't cry as much as 4 years ago... but this is definitely a weird thing. I thought I would be sad. I was sad. when I first heard nenek pengsan, the anxiety button is triggered. I haven't seen her in a long time. How should I live if she passed? I'm not ready to say goodbye. she's the only living grandparent I have atm. I'm not married yet, she shouldn't go so fast. I cried and shivered at all of the possible thoughts.

when the whole chaos happened, from the moment I got a call from my cousin and my aunty crying asking my mom to come back home, all I can think of is dejavu. Like how my late Atuk passed. 6am received a call and I looked at how my mom cried - she never cries.

4 years ago was a very dark year. 2019. we got to know my father has stage 1 kidney cancer (i wasnt even sure whether it's malignant or not) and I took care of him for a whole 1 month of MC at home. that was in January. when he recovered, in April... his father (my late paternal grandfather) went into some heart procedure and passed away. we were informed through text message. I cried my balls out not because I was sad - but because I was thinking of how lonely my father is, both of his parents went away too soon.

then somewhere in june or july, my late grandaunt Umi passed. my mother nursed her for few weeks before at the hospital. 2 days before my birthday in October, my beloved cousin Nurul passed away after battling a long dreading sickness. I was devastated because I couldn't attend her funeral and send her away for the last time. Then in december, my late maternal grandfather passed away suddenly. it all happened in a blink of eye.

so when Nenek was lying on the hospital bed because of multiple organ failure due to severe septic shock, I was stunned. how come someone look so healthy a month ago became like this...state? she only looked healthy because of her energy, but she's also been sick for so long. for someone that had uncontrollable diabetes as nenek had, it is actually quite admirable that she can live long. allahuakbar. mostly I was surprised with myself because I didn't cry when others cried. I saw how my aunties and my mom comforted their dying mother. I saw how Nenek's chest waving and lungs cracking as she struggled to breathe. I saw how one by one people coming to her ears reciting prayers for her to be in peace. I saw how they're preparing themselves for the death. I was an observer, then and now.

I wanted her to wake up and see me, but also I wanted her to rest properly. it's sad really. nobody really saw this coming. it was a week before raya.......... and i really thought we could have raya this year. Nenek took her last breath on 3rd Syawal. I sent her away with much regret but also, relief that she's finally resting.

With all of these happening, im not sure how the adults are doing. Its not like I can ask, ma how you are doing? Damn, to be an Asian (or Malay). I believe that I couldnt be any sadder than the adults are. The adults are having it so much worse yet they could wear a pretend mask so maybe that's why I stopped myself from crying I guess? I just hope the adults can grieve as life goes on. I hate to see trauma dumping by gaslighting/guilt-tripping others just because they couldn't grieve well. But then again, what do I know on how to grief... when I myself couldn't get out of it yet...

anyways

Nenek, I'm sorry and I miss you. Very much.

[ap-sadistics]

Reads ur essay like the morning newspaper (it was like 6am). I hope it's ok for me to send an ask with just a few small thoughts. but first of all CONGRATS ON FINISHING IT!! 🧡 DJKFDSJF I KNOW IT WAS A LOT BUT PROUD OF U! anyway!! thoughts as I read!

Imma be real. I forgot about the oni. u know I watched that season so recently but I did not remember them which i think says it all lol. To my brain, the villain of s10 was toxic smoke. Also, I did not process Mystake actually dead. I had to check the wiki, for real I thought she would come back in a later season bcuz u know she has so many tricks up her sleeve and seemed so wise but she got the eraser for not being important anymore I fucking guess :) as always it is my fault for having hope in the show. but idk if its much hope as it is like, the normal course of action. i think its extremely weird how they keep doing that to characters they made her cool for one second and then threw her away. gurl power! There is not much to comment about the Garma thing bcuz u pretty much say it all but it bears repeating just how much of a wasted potential for real angst it was. It cOULDVE BEEN GOOD IF THE WRITERS REMEMBERED THEIR OWN SHOW Also! I agree with Jay being the most consistent btw. he also holds the most traits: inventor - has crush on nya/dating nya - Jokester - scream/whinny/kinda pessimistic and Im guess is bcuz they are kinda hard to forget since the first helps w plot, the second is their het tax, third and fourth is their comedy relief. Compared, the other ninja dont rlly have that much...Not even lil special boy Lloyd! which is so weird!! he is their protag right???? he is their main one RIGHT? THEY INSIST ON THAT and yet the screamy blue one wins in personality!!! I think these boys need hobbies. Nya and Pix also got more solid characters bcuz they got like, IDK, SOMETHING GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES? Nya has the Samurai x thing which later becomes Pix's. Nya still wishes she could go back to that, be a hero in her own way and Pixal wanting to help. is cool, is them looking for autonomy. They are still cursed by writers tho :///

AHH THIS GOT SO LONG BUT I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO ENGAGE AND SHOW THAT I APPRECIATE UR ESSAY AND UR THOUGHTS THANK YOU FOR SHARING EM ILYBYE

sorry for the delay in answering this dan!!!! thank you for the reply tho!!! one of the two!!!! people i knew would read that stupid long post,

ugh yeah they really made mystake all cool giving her an epic moment only to kill her off..... man i liked the scene where drop her weights and went apeshit. iconic really. too bad she died.

AND YOURE RIGHT. THEY DID GIVE JAY THE MOST AMOUNT OF DISTINCT CHARACTERISTICS... im not blinded by bias pog!!!!!!

i honestly cannot like..... define lloyds characteristics..... beyond anything thats tied to being a leader. he has the exact same problem as cole i feel.... personality wise. theyre just guys

at the least the girls have something. if only there was no misogyny. truly.

anyways i appreciate you appreciating my essay dan sdhkjfhtlk. so much time went into that thing asduihglsk. even if its just for me its nice to have friends agree with me. BECAUSE I AM RIGHT

[revivisection]

its night time you know what that means! this is my diary now. very long week recap ahead.

my teeth are cool and good kind of now. they're actually still pretty awful but my front are work in progress they look mostly fine now and im not so vigilant at hiding my mouth :) not without a week's worth of pain and agony recovery but. you knoow. i will have to go through that again at some point oh well thank god for ibuprofen except it wears off before i can take another one. my upper lip was incredinly inflamed for a few days, bad experience.

you know you never really think about hpw much you use your mouth or just like. feel your mouth generally experience the life experience of having a mouth until there's problems with it. crazy how that works. i for one would have a much better time not having a mouth it's rather disgusting. ideal form i simply absorb energy through airwaves, or perhaps plug myself in to charge

after that i had to enroll in courses i was like surely i will have a fine and okay time. <-full of hubris. i slept through the first hour of course enrollment because i went to sleep at 6am and it opened at 9. so im now on two waitlists which probably wont let up. going to take latin though, going to become more pretentious just you wait. i think this is what you would call a "dark academia moment" but i dont think i actually know what dark academia is. school hasn't started yet but im having the biggest fucking imposter syndrome everyone who has ever told me how smart i am is a fucking liar.

had a fun lil trivia club day with some trivia club buddies. believe it or not, we did trivia. exciting, i know. anyways scratch what i said before whenever i get the right answer in trivia club i am literally the smartest man alive. why do all my friends have absolutely ancient editions of trivial pursuit (the words of someone who doesn't own any board games)

and yesterday i hung out with my dear friend @threecirclingbuzzards!! she let me scavenge through her big bag of miscellaneous patches it was very fruitful. my vest is very empty because i have to make everything myself and i simply do not. so now i have more things to put on it, the real question is when im actually going to sew. it was also cool because we are like brain linked we are like that image of clown-to-clown communication dont need to speak coherently because like. i get it. she gets it. we get it. the clown part is especially true because we were like. what to teens do. hang out at the mall. genius. and then we got there and it was two minutes from closing. genius. at the dollar store i got minecraft stickers god i love minecraft i will be forty fucking years old and not tire of minecraft

over the course of my mouth recovery time i listened to youtube videos to try and distract myself when falling sleep and i listened to a video about the evil within 1. i dont need to give background information but i will anyways.. back in like whenever of this year early this year some time this year i was scrolling through the discussion page of the tumblr sexyman wiki and there was a suggestion post for stefano valentini and i was like. woah. ive seen that man before. ive watched my fair share of oxbox/oxtra vids in my lifetime. and then i proceeded to go crazy. something about him makes me go absolutely nuts like awooga etc. who fucking knows. anyways i was content to never know anything about the evil within beyond that stefano valentini is like absurdly attractive until i watched that video about the evil within 1 while mildly Out Of It and i developed a very sudden crush on ruvik so now i know some things about the evil within. how was your day. another fucked up evil guy who i am compelled by. i cant fix him i cant make him worse but i CAN look at him from afar. all ive been able to draw lately is just ruvik faces idk man he's my latest fixation i guess. got him on the mind (except for when i was catching up on the patho tag today. i love my weekly spam reblogging from the patho tag except this time it's two weeks worth of posts becuase by god i was having a bad time)

perhaps i should actually watch a lets play of tew so i can know like. what the game is like in full properly and shit. shhhhh you dont see my incomplete patho2 save. i would play more horror games if i werent a little bitch, but im not so instead i just play stupid long fantasy rpgs. the sole reason i havent finished pathfinder kingmaker is because of that stupid goddamn darven quest oh my god i hate that man i hate that quest i need to speedrun it get it over with so i can enjoy the rest of the game but i simply cannot take it when the FUCK is he going to show up how much fuckng time needs to pass where are you bitch i need to xget this out of the fucking way so the hellknights stop crashing my place fucking my shit up i hate it her.e.

i wrote all of this because i am insuch! a mood today. idk whats up last nigh t i passed out instantly fell asleep died went to purgatory the moment i laid down on my bed like in an instant ive never been so sleepy in my life. and today i am incredibly humid but more than that the time actually melted away. like pretend time is a stick of butter in my hands except i preheated my hands in the oven for several minutes and the butter didnt even bother to melt so the preheating didnt matter it just slipped off my stupid little fingers. i woke up blinked now its night time. now nearly twelve hours have passed what the fuCK was i doing. nothing. i have no idea how this time passed i feel out of it (different) a different kind of out of it who knows maybe this is my natural tooth recovery time but instead for going outside two days in a row and having fun. this is my body and mind telling me to have less fun. wlel fuck you body and mind im hanging out with friends AGAIN tomorrow. see how you like that fucker. or maybe im just a little baby and its because i forgot to sleep with my stuffed animals last night. i have a build-a-bear longhorn i love him with my life i named him after my wife (artemy) he keeps me company because all i do is sit and rot.

also we havent read new pages of this dark endeavour in like11 days oops. the review WILL happen eventually okay i have so much to say about that wretched novel just when the summer book club completes it

[crossovereddie]

hello! i was wondering if there is anything in fanfics that is an immediate red flag/ turn off to you?

ex and also mine: gender bending in order to make a couple heterosexual, adding OCs and pairing them with the main characters (like literally just make a self-insert fic at that point), people attempting to put real-world logic in a fake/fantasy world and ignoring the rules of that world the real writer/author created

Soooo for me I guess it depends on what ship im reading for. Theres somethings for one ship that I cant tolerate for another.

But I guess one is im big on characterization. Like obviously im reading this ship because I like the characters the way they are in canon so I want them as close to canon as possible. If you switch up their personalities I’m out. (Its easier for me to read rpf actually bc I treat the fic like just another book with a different set of characters who just so happen to have the same looks and names as those irl people)

I agree with the whole gender bending too. Just write/read a OC fic jfc.

Another big turn off and this might just be a me thing bc I know a lot of facts about things so if something is just way too inaccurate, I cant get passed it. Some inaccuracies are fine but like 911 for example. I know how shifts and aspects of the job work so if a fic is like ‘Eddie and buck are on shift together but Eddie is going in at 6am and buck doesn’t go in until 11am’ and it’s like a constant thing with no other explanation and you’re left to think that’s normal for the job then I cant.

And ofc once Eddie starts speaking unnecessary Spanish im out bc about 99% of the time its not even accurate Spanish

[branzycrafted]

that syscourse post just came up on our recommended which i find so ironic bc i read the post saying littles shouldnt have social media while scrolling through my own social media account as a little like. oh. ok.

its such a weird take like. i had to be the host for a while so it was fine for me to be in high school and working a job, but not to be online? like? i drove us to school at 6am but i cant look at #webkinz on tumblr?

and not to mention like. if we see dangerous things, we switch. and even if we cant switch, i can deal with it enough to block them or get the post off our dash. even if im small i still live in an almost adult system and i still understand what the brain understands and know some of what the brain knows, and that includes stuff like curse words ill see online and what tags i should block so i dont see weird things. if im ever fronting "alone," austin is usually there by default so theres still an adult alter to help if i need it, and if he isnt or if its too blurry, i was still a host and had to have times where i took care of myself and protected myself otherwise we wouldnt have gotten by during the time i was our host. and when im like smaller i have like an army of people who adopted me as their younger sibling (/hj) to monitor anything that we come across online, and theyre all adults/older people and most of them are protectors whos focus on fronting with me is to keep my spaces safe.

like. even the syskids that act like real children like toby and like me half the time, our brain has still seen what its seen and knows what it knows, we wont like discover bad stuff through social media, we were traumatized to be here and know bad stuff exists bc we went through it. and we know how to handle ourselves to survive and to function, i wouldnt have been a host if i couldnt do that. theres syskids with multiple roles and syskids who are hosts and syskids who are older or agesliders and syskids who are protectors and syskids who just know how to take care of the system, and in general, syskids arent like singlet kids in the sense that we have the lived experience of an older person and the brain of an older person. a 6 yr old singlet didnt go to highschool, i did, i can handle myself online and talk to people like im older even if im not bc our brain is still older than me and at the end of the day its also my brain. im a kid, but im not helpless. it would be more dangerous for null to be online than it would for me, or for bug despite them being an adult. an alter's vulnerability and capability has nothing to do with age.

they were so confident like it was such a hot take and such a good cool thing like it was so profound but it was so not. like. literally not at all

-🌼

(I hope you don't mind me answering like this let me know otherwise!!)

YEAH!!! Literally I saw that and was like "Well I literally know of child alters who don't act like little kids like you apparently think they all do", they were so confident in their take and the replies were like lol you're so wrong

We have adults in-sys who have been more vulnerable than the children sometimes???? It's so not about age?????? And again it's REALLY bold to go out and claim that every system ever that lets their littles/syskids touch social media is an idiot and not keeping them safe. Cause that also is So Wrong!! As far as I know we've had syskids on social media to some degree while actively being with someone that was watching over them??

Also!! Body age goes above alter age!! That goes both ways, it goes for adults in minor-bodied systems and minors in adult-or-almost-adult-bodied systems or whatever. A 9 year old in a system that's like 20 bodily would not at all be on the same level as a singlet 9 year old—

I recall one reply saying they should replace it with "vulnerable alters" if anything and yeah I to some extent agree, like still not necessary 100% true but it's better than just broadly saying littles/syskids. Literally just,, any alter considered vulnerable can do whatever it's just that they should have someone with them to keep them stable or safe or vice versa.

And again I think it's so hypocritical how they said "let the kids live" but were actively making a point that would not be "letting the kids live" cause like you said if you wanna go on social media to look at webkinz you should be allowed to, that's literally "letting the kids live", letting them look at things that bring them some kind of happiness or comfort. "Let the kids live but actually don't just coop them up in headspace cause they're oh so unsafe otherwise" lol

Grrrr child alter can literally work a job but can't go on social media to look at content relating to a kid's game >:((( WE'RE HERE BECAUSE OF TRAUMA BUDDY LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE

[saveemefromeviil]

Im tired of this constant emptiness that i feel everyday from the moment i wake up to the time i go to bed . And i dont want any sympathy from anyone im just here to let out my feelings. I live everyday the same. I go to work mon-fri, 6am-2pm with people who are just so internally ugly . I get home just to find myself with no motivation but to play my video game, smoke some weed and get sucked in as the hours pass… 2hr 3hrs to 5hrs or more, till i get hungry and decide not to make dinner but order food bcs i have little money to always spend on groceries or i dont feel like cooking. Eating distracts me from my bad thoughts for a bit i guess it gives me a euphoric feeling when the food is good. I think about all the things i could be doing but i dont do them, mainly bcs i dont enjoy the area (city) i live . It’s not safe i cant dress the way i want to without getting harassed or feeling like im dressed inappropriate or not normal . Theres not much to do when you dont drive or have a car of your own, but ig thats my fault for not studying for my permit. Everything in walking distance is just grocery stores or parks for kids and nature thats all. I dont have any friends at all and i mean really… I cant remember the last time i had someone to hangout with , to laugh and talk about whatever i want with . Now. I have my boyfriend of 3 yrs we live together and he great and i love him and he loves all of me but i can see in his face that he knows im unhappy, it upsets him. Ik i let him down little by little everyday . Everythings been killing me slowly, all these feelings and thoughts of, guilt, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and worthlessnesses. Its gotten to the point where i dont look forward to waking up anymore or just waiting for the day to be over. If im gonna live the same day over and over whats my purpose if im not doing any good for the future my future .. his future.

My mom wasnt very successful in life so she never taught me how to be strong a go for what i want and my dad wasnt in the picture very much to support me in those ways. I have so much anxiety and no ones ever told me how to go on in the real life after high school. Ive been trying to get by with what i can. Its so hard i dont understand why i cant motivate myself to be better, healthier. Im 23 and i almost hate myself, but i don’t want to. I know all the things i could do to feel better but im not motivated anymore. I have moods that flip flop day to day, one whole week ill feel on top of the world and the next is like a downpour of anger and sadness thats makes me feel sooo heavy. Ill be wanting to be nice to everyone one week and the next i dont even want anyone talking to me or looking at me. I dont understand why i have those episodes. I wish I could.

-lena

[makahimetenshi]

Processing and Healing - Paladin Danse x Sole Survivor Fallout 4 Fanfic

This is the 12 part of a series of fics im writing lately, the order will be:

Falling or not?

Danse cuenta de algo

May I use your shower?

Volver a tener algo

Addicted to Chems

Fooling around together

Sleeping for nightmares

Traumas at the Commonwealth

Being awake

I like being this close

Have you ever had sexual relations with any species considered non human?

Processing and Healing

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Nate sometimes had great ideas.

This time it wasnt the case, not really.

The commonwealth was a very humid place, humid and cold on the winter, the fog penetrating into every hole of your clothes to bathe your spine and make you catch a cold that may put you in bed for at least 3 weeks, fog that will last for days before actually spreading a bit leaving a tiny ity sunshine appear into the clouds. But in the summers...gosh it was nasty, hot and humid as fuck, makes you wonder where all that cold goes away when the season changes, for Nate it was nothing like when he moved to that neighberhood 210 years ago, nono, it was another type of humidity, sticky and slimy into the skin making his clothes attach to every fold of his body, heavy enought to make his hair go down and loose its form, compressing every tiny hair against his forehead giving the impression that he didnt bathe at all, loosing all his shine and making his freeze go crazy up, it was awful.

Danse understand his suffering, but not so much really, sure there wasnt as much fog and rain in DC but that place was very humid too with the proximity to the sea. At least it wasnt that big of deal for him, but higiene was a very different value between Nate and any born wastelander, he suffered from it a lot, like, really a lot, something that itched him in the core for real, which was strange to see, usually most of the people just live with it because there no other alternative and complain about it will not change the weather but…

In the hot days, the people of Sanctuary will bathe on the river that boarders the neigberhood,  Danse will bath to refresh with the people, but Nate doesnt, claiming that he isnt interested in bathing in radiated water without a real reason, that unlike Danse, he will get cancer if he bathes there.

And it was true, Danse will never have cancer, because he is a synth.

All wastelanders are born with somekind of advanced cancer, everybody tells the general that, that he shouldnt worry about it, he is going to die anyway from sometype of leukemia, its a thing of attitude if it kills you first a bullet on the head or a degenerative desease.

But Nate isnt a wastelander, he is different, and for some reason the sole mention of cancer ruins his day for good, always, no matter who says it.

Of course Danse knows why. It was a long battle for both, and so many people more.

So when the general wake up at 6am with his neck and balls already wet and burning like he didnt fucking had a shower at night yesterday, he dress up and prepared breakfast for both men, waiting for Danse to wake up. Having a synth boyfriend wasnt that bad actually, in fact, a robo boyfriend was a big update, right now while he heatens the premade pancakes  Danse sensors must be waking his systems telling him that the body that was emitting heat next to him for the last 6 hours of sleep wasnt in the bed anymore at his side, what before his blind betrayal was good survival skills inside the brotherhood or sharp perception...both understand now that its programming, and while it makes Danse sick to the stomach to think about it, Nate can only see the benefits, specially for survival.

It wasnt that bad.

Just like he thought in no time Danse was walking to the kitchen looking for him.

-Morning -said the ex paladin sitting on the table, much more easeful now he find where Nate was, even knowing the man since a few years it was always a jumpscare waking up and not see him in his side of the bed.

-I have an idea today -said Nate- its something i wanted to show you since a long time, i suppose you are ready

Usually this things werent good

-Do you think is smart to eat breakfast first then? -Danse can still feel disgust and his stomach stirring despite rationalizing a lot of things about his synth body this last times, horrors are still horrors after all, synth or not.

-Yeah dont worry about it  -said Nate leaving his plate on the table -its not going to bother you as much it should bother me -the ex paladin raise his eyebrow at him- its going to be fine

It was funny because the general will not bathe in the river but wont protect at all from the sun, going out the house in this hot climate with hawaiian shirts, shorts and sandals, really walking around like there was no danger, even Danse was surprised that he didnt want to carry any kind of weapon but they where walking a very linear path, easy, from the house to the...oh no...not that place.

-Nate -Danse called- where are we going? -the synth was also walking in sandals and shorts, kinda using Nate wardrobe  this hot days.

-Just wait until we arrive there-the general had under his arm two foldable chairs and a bag with four beers

-I know where the fuck are we going but why? what do you wanna do there? -it wasnt an easy walk with this temperatures tho. The synth was sweating a lot and that always make him anxious and irritable.

-Like i said theres something i want to show you -why the man wasnt meeting his gaze? he was avoiding it.

-Nate i…

And then the general stop in his place, Danse behind him surprised, he took a big breath and then smile to ease him.

-Just follow me okay? -he said  clicking the beers to make the glass sing playfully.

Danse shut his mouth and swallow saliva down the throath, willing to cooperate and just follow him down to the vault 111. Always funny how from the really small neightberhood of Sanctuary you have to go up a little hill and then go down the elevator to enter into the subterranean vault.

Vault 111 was Nate vault, entirely, literally, all his and no one else for everything he wished and wanted to. The man will expend entire noons trapped down here without anyone  company despite actually 3 years passing since...well since he was decryogenized here on purpose, time for Nate passed more slowly on his grief.

Not sure if it was the darkness, the underground climate or the systems of the vault still working to make suitable enviroments for people to survive inside but once they were down everything feelt so refreshing in comparison with the hell up there, and the sun, specially the sun, Danse never liked coming down here that much but right now it feeled just right to be scaping that torture of UV lights... -Gosh my skin its burning and we walked only 5 minutes

-Look at that -pointed Nate at a gun behind a closed crate, for his habilities that lock seems too easy to open, makes the synth wonder why it is still behind that bars- Thats the Cryolator, If this hell continues on earth I'm going to use it to make everyone cold margaritas with ice cubes.

-Never used it? -ask Danse looking at the flamer that shoots ice in detail.

-Just read the logs about it here on the terminals, apparently theres no ammo once you run out so im saving it for an special occasion, thinking very seriously to use it on my balls if we keep like this- Danse rolled his eyes, nah he didnt meant it, Nate was too stingy to use something that couldnt be replaced easy, mostly he will save it forever or try to find a replacement before using the actual thing

They walk, and every step foward the place felt more...cold... cool of course, refreshing after the horrible days they had up in the surface but it was getting like cold not cool slowly, like chilling in your bones really bad, the temperature was really really low, even small breezes of cold air where visible as they walk until Nate stop in front of a room with cold water on the floor, melted water more specifically, it was humid inside that room but cold humid, really cold humid from the temperature machines and engines around. At first the ex paladin didnt get it until he saw the walls and oh shit he already was in this place once, it was funny how he can never remember details of this cursed placed, everytime feels like the first time he enter to the house of horrors

-Oh nonono, im not going inside, i have principles.

-Relax -said Nate, opening one of the foldable chairs in front of a cryopod in particular- its much better than the surface

-I get it but... -Danse look at the chair and then up at the cryopod, closed but not frozen enought inside to cover the windows and avoid seeing what was inside, water was leaking from it, drop by drop into the ground

. -Nora this is Danse. Danse this is Nora, althought i already presented her to you never did formally -Nate sat open the second chair at his side and then sat on his own chair. Legs open, like it was nothing.

-This is fucked up -said the ex paladin, not wanting to exactly take a seat.

-A bit, it would be worse for my sanity if she was already in a more advanced state of decomposition like really really dead but...-Danse get it, the micro climate inside this room keeping everything cold and humid didnt help for her body to actually die, the conditions to keep her body like the day she was shoot in the head were ideal, and Nate never had the courage to open the cryopod again after taking her ring and promise to find Shaun back- im not in denial, she has a round shiny bullet in the middle of her forehead which makes everything so obvious…

-And you come here to be fresh in front of the body of your dead wife?

-And to talk obviously, manners makes the man -he said finally picking up a beer using the side of the chair to open it.

-Dont you think this is a little fucked up for me...?

-Look buddy, i was straight before knowing you but you cant try to compete with the woman that gave  me a son -the smirk on Nate face tell Danse that this was all a game for him, maybe it was more traumatic for him than it was for the old man, right, after 3 years he should have at least a piece of this events a bit solved, a tiny piece processed

-Well we know how that ended -Danse take a seat unconfortably on his chair, looking at her bloody face.

-Im not letting you talk shit of my dead wife, watch it, that was more my fault than hers -no it wasnt, but Nate will feel culprit forever for what happend. It wasnt the fault of any of them.

-So you come here to spend the noons fresh as a lettuce... -said Danse picking his own beer from the bag- behind the blood and all i can see the appealing

-She would be beautiful even as a ghoul -the way Nate smiled at the cryopod gave Danse a bad chill on his entire spine, of course you would say that if you have an history of fucking ghouls- You are hot and everything but I was so lucky that she turned to see me even just once in life, you may be right now the love of my life but this woman was my other part -Danse smiled uncomfortable, opening his cold beer at the side of the chair- we were so alike and complemented so well on eveything, people that know us often say that we were equals like twins, i often swear to the skies that she somehow had to be my sister

-I can totally see you fucking your female counterpart -its true, if he uses the right corner of his eye he can see a resemblance between the two of them, specially the nose- you are narcisistic enought for that -despite being a six Nate had a really high standar of his image and persona, she was also kinda a six.

-Oh here we are narcisistic the bitches would say -now Nate drank on his beer, smiling, playing, he was just playing, shit talking- Psycologist on the army would also say that

-Well im not a professional and the standars may change in this latelys 210 years but...why? -ok if this wasnt really crushing Nates heart...as traumatic it may be to drink beer next to your dead wife frozen body, it wasnt that bad, he wasnt having a meltdown yet, they were just chatting, casually next to a dead body of someone really important, but most because it was cool.

-Bitches started to get on my nerves once a recording of me and a fellow mate got leaked, yes, he shoot the unarmed prisioner from behind, big deal, but us laughting at his body was their interpretation, not a fact -a cold shiver ran across Danse spine, sometimes Nate talked like a raider.

-Were you really laughting?

-How i am supposed to know? We done stuff in the war, i cant exactly recognize myself in everyrecording i am on a power armor, that could be anyone! -then the general make silence, an actual long silence while his face looks really deep into thinking- the execution was my buddy, that was true

-Oh my gosh you are a war criminal -said Danse picking up his chair and moving it 10cm to the left, laughting a bit of how hilarious the situation was.

-You? A wastelander? Judging me? -Nate appeared to be a bit offended while drinking on his beer- i shoot thoose bullets in the name of freedom, you all cut necks to prepare breakfast!

-I also shoot unarmed wastelanders, but i did it under the orders of the brotherhood -now Danse drank- you and the Enclave are this close -he made a sing with two of his fingers barely closing, leaving a tiny space in the air- to be in the same side

-You feeling funny? I can send your ass up to the surface

-Did that thing about marrying a lawyer come before or after she found out about the war crimes?

Well at least Danse knows that Nate is healing the subject of his dead wife little by little, one small talk at a time, burrying it slowly in the depts of vault 111 where everything started after the bombs dropped.

Next time he wants to refresh and cool his balls from the heat up in the surface he is going to ask to be in another room tho, cant compete with the woman that gave him a son after all.