Losing Control (batfam/reader)
this was part of that one idea i talked about a while ago. it’s unfinished, but i thought i’d share it anyway. small warning for language and mild violence, also attempted sexual assault but it’s not very detailed and doesn’t get very far.
tried keeping reader genderneutral, not sure if i missed anything.
hope you enjoy reading!
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The first time it happened, I got angry during training.
Sparring with anyone from the batfamily would rarely lead to a victorious outcome—they were too experienced, too talented, too ambitious. I didn't expect to win, but a tie would be nice. And yet, I always ended up on the ground, or trapped in someone's hold. I rarely landed a hit myself, and barely managed to dodge.
It was frustrating, and more often than not, I found myself getting angry at the guys for never giving me a chance, but mostly at myself for being so weak.
But never had I blacked out like this before.
One moment I was on the ground, pressed down by Jason's weight, the next I was standing upright and staring down at him, his chest beneath my foot. He was frantically tapping my leg, and I realized that I was pressing down on his ribs hard enough to break them.
I immediately stumbled backwards and sat down, trying to recall what had happened, while Jason groaned and sat up. He didn't seem hurt, thankfully, just out of breath and surprised.
“Well,” he said, “that one was new.”
We didn't get to talk about what happened afterwards.
It was getting late and I was on my way home when it happened again. I remember being followed and touched by three tall guys, terrified to the point of being unable to move, to defend myself.
Next thing I knew, all three men were on the ground, knocked out with broken noses, covered in strange bite marks and scratches. I called the police and went home, scared and confused.
_
The third time it happened, Damian was yelling at me because I had made a mistake. It was on patrol, and I usually stayed back so I wouldn't get in the way, but Dick had told me I should get involved more, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to learn anything new. But of course I had made a mistake, and Damian thought it necessary to burn it into my brain.
I loved Damian, but I hated being yelled at. The anger came easily, and next time I opened my eyes, I was being held against the wall by Bruce himself.
“Calm down,” he said. He was using the Batman Voice, sending chills down my spine and making me go limp immediately, scared of having made him angry, and scared of what I had done this time. Was Damian okay?
Luckily, Damian was unharmed, but he looked a bit pale and kept staring at me with wide eyes.
I told Bruce about my blackouts that night, so he took me back to the cave to run some tests.
_
“The causes are high surges of adrenaline,” Bruce stated calmly, “In other words; anger, or strong fear.”
“So I'm the Hulk now?” I scoffed, but it just turned into an exhausted sigh. Bruce had taken some of my blood and insisted on doing the tests now instead of waiting until tomorrow. I was about ready to pass out.
“I want to see the effects up close in a safe environment. Only that way will I be able to tell what's happening to your body.” Bruce was already walking towards a platform with a big cell made out of see-through, bulletproof glass.
“Can this wait until tomorrow? Please?” He stopped and looked back at me with a frown. “I know this is important, but I really need some sleep, and I don't even know if I can make it happen on command.”
He considered me for a long moment, making me squirm under his piercing gaze, before he finally nodded. “Go.”
_
“Damian?” I whispered, lightly knocking on his door. He had been sent away to bed early, leaving before I could apologize for what had happened. “Are you awake?”
The door unlocked, so I slowly opened it. Damian was already back on his bed, lying down with his back leaning against the headrest, arms crossed. He avoided my gaze, stubbornly staring at his feet instead.
I closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, unsure where I stood with him right now. Was he angry? Upset? Scared?
“Damian,” I started cautiously, “I'm sorry. I don't know exactly what happened, but I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.”
“Wasn't scared,” he mumbled.
I couldn't help but smile. “Okay. But it's alright to be scared, you know that, right?”
He just gave a grunt.
“You also know I love you, yes? And that I'd never want to hurt you?”
He pulled his legs closer to his chest, turning his head away more. I could see his embarrassed pout before he could hide it.
“Damian?” I pushed gently. He let out a breath through his nose and mumbled something incoherent.
I slowly sat down on his bed near his feet. “What did you say? I didn't catch that.”
“I said,” he sighed, talking louder and more clearly, but still not looking at me, “that it's me who keeps hurting you. I knew that, but I didn't really see how much I hurt you until earlier today.”
He looked at me then, eyes full of shame, “I do not understand how you can still care about me.”
I was taken aback by his genuine words, as I was so used to his harsh shell. He rarely showed any softness or openness to anyone, aside maybe from Richard. I lifted a hand to gently cup his cheek, and he leaned into my touch like a cat.
“You're complicated to get along with, I'll give you that,” I said, “But I can see your heart, Damian. And I want to keep it safe. I know you don't always mean what you say, and no matter how much some things hurt, I will always care about you.”
He frowned, giving a thoughtful hum. “So you're just going to take the beating?”
I sighed. “Well, I don't want to, but what am I supposed to do? Yell at you? Besides, you don't always want me getting all emotional like right now. If I don't want to lose you, I'll just have to roll with the punches and deal with it and not take it personally.”
Damian gave a huff, then started shuffling around and pulling at my arm until I was lying down with him, letting him curl up in my arms and press his face against my collarbone.
“I will… try… to be less… harsh,” he muttered into my shirt. “I... don't want to lose you, either.”
_
“High adrenaline surge caused by anger is the initial trigger. It seems a part of their brain falls asleep, but the rest stays active, controlled by an unknown force that has yet to be understood. Physical changes are getting more apparent the longer they stay in that state. Increased length and sharpness of teeth, especially the canines. Aggressive behavior, borderline animalistic. No usage of vocabulary, only hissing, growling and snarling. The skin on both hands and arms starts turning dark black after one minute, and after three, the same happens to the eye whites, gums and tongue. It’s like tar slowly seeping out from every pore, covering what’s underneath.”
Bruce's notes were highly concerning, to say the least. He had kept a close eye on me the whole week, until, inevitably, I got angry during training yet again. He put me inside the cell and observed for twenty minutes, before getting me to calm down.
‘Getting me to calm down’ meant he sent Dick to make cooing noises at me until he got close enough to give me a hug. Miraculously, it worked wonders.
_
“You guys want me to listen to ASMR the whole day? So I won't get angry anymore? You do know that's not how it works, right?”
Bruce had invented a device that could comfortably be worn on my person, monitoring my vitals and sending a distress signal to the closest member of the batfamily in case my adrenaline got to critical levels again. Meanwhile, the boys had apparently unanimously agreed on a strategy on how to keep me calm, meaning they had put together a playlist with ASMR and calming ambience videos for me to listen to whenever I could feel my blood pressure starting to rise.
It was really sweet, but whether it was actually going to work was a whole nother question entirely.
“Don’t knock it till you try it,” Jason shrugged, then grimaced at his own words. “Fuck’s sake, I sound like Alfred.”
_
Dick and I were on an undercover mission. It was a small one, just for one night, in which we'd have to do our best to get some information out of Subject A, a thirty year old rich woman in a red dress and big red hat, and Subject B, the owner of a big company and the husband of Subject A.
Both were insufferable, absolutely the worst. Dick was a natural at being charming and disarming, so he had no problems with talking to either subject, though I could tell by the way he would clench his jaw whenever he smiled that he was just as annoyed as I was.
Me, on the other hand, could not stand another minute in the same room as either of those two. So I told Dick I would be getting some fresh air.
And because I had the best luck in the world, some lonely rich guy followed me outside and kept talking to me, and kept creeping closer to me until he was fully in my personal bubble, completely unprompted.
“Oh, you look cold,” he said, and because apparently he thought he had the right to touch me, wrapped an arm around my waist to press me closer to his side, “Maybe we should go back inside? Or maybe I could bring you home, hmm? You seem lonely, like me.”
Everything about this guy was creeping me out. He smelled so heavily of cologne that I wanted to gag, and he kept breathing into my face.
“I would very much like to be alone, to be honest,” I pressed out between clenched teeth, already feeling the familiar pounding in my head. “I did not give you any permission to touch me like this, so please, kindly back off, sir—now.”
He was murmuring something about reading my body language and subtext and getting clear signals of sexual interest, but I could hardly even hear him anymore over the pounding in my ears, my vision already fading more and more into black, as my adrenaline started to rise.
Then, suddenly, the man was being pulled away. Then I was being maneuvered to a more secluded part of the outside area, somewhere out of sight, and Dick was standing in front of me. He was holding me by the shoulders, gently squeezing and closely watching my eyes.
He was saying something, but I couldn't hear him. I could feel my teeth sharpen, a growl rising from my throat, hands clenching and nails slowly growing into claws.
I wanted to find that disgusting piece of shit and rip his eyes out. I wanted to cut off his prick and feed it to him until he would choke to death—
Then Dick was holding my face with both hands, leaning closer until our noses were almost touching. I could hear him now, gently shushing me like a parent would to calm their crying baby. His familiar scent surrounded me, filling my senses, calming me. I relaxed a little. My anger was not directed at Dick. I knew I was safe with him.
Then he let go of me to search his pockets, quickly pulling out his phone and putting his earbuds in my ears. A few seconds later, the sounds of rain droned out the rising violence in my mind, making the back of my head tingle and the hot anger boiling in my chest die down until my physical transformation went away as well.
I sagged against Dick's chest, feeling tired all of a sudden. I waited a little longer, relinquishing the feel of relief and calm washing over me, while Dick wrapped his arms around me to stroke one hand over my back, the other holding me closer to his chest by my neck.
Eventually, I pulled the earbuds out and gave them back to him. I sighed, “I hate that I'm a ticking time bomb. You can't always be there to make sure I don't go off.”
“I don’t mind,” Dick said, helping me stand up. “That’s what family’s for, right? We got your back. With B’s device, there will always be someone there to help you out. If not, you can always call, no matter what time it is or where you are. If all else fails, you know what to do to help yourself.”
I let myself lean against him for a few moments longer, enjoying the comfort he brought, before straightening myself up with a sigh. “Thanks, Dick. I guess… let’s finish up here, huh?”
He grinned. “That’s the spirit!”
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: DCU, Batman - All Media Types
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Dick Grayson/Wally West, Barry Allen & Bruce Wayne & Wally West, Bruce Wayne & Wally West, Roy Harper & Bruce Wayne, Koriand'r & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Kon-El | Conner Kent & Bruce Wayne
Characters: Bruce Wayne, Wally West, Roy Harper, Kon-El | Conner Kent, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Minor Characters, Koriand'r (DCU), Batfamily Members, Duke Thomas
Additional Tags: Tired Bruce Wayne, Tired Parent Bruce Wayne, Minor Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Minor Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Minor Dick Grayson/Wally West, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce Wayne is Good With Kids, to his chargin, Roy Harper is a Little Shit, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, Obnoxious Older Brothers, Annoyed Tim Drake, he wants his Kon to stop getting along with his DAD thanks, Good Older Sibling Dick Grayson, Complicated Relationships, Good Uncle Barry Allen, Kon-El | Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Kon-El | Conner Kent Needs An Adult, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Misunderstandings, Of the funniest kind, Domestic Fluff, Wally West is a Batfamily Member, Roy Harper is a Batfamily Member, Kon-El | Conner Kent is a Batfamily Member, honorarily, Kon-El | Conner Kent is a Mess, Bruce Wayne Has Too Many Kids, Jealous Oliver Queen, Teenage Rebellion, that tag is specifically for roy, Tim Drake is So Done, Dick Grayson Being a Little Shit, like brothers do, Crack Treated Seriously, Long-Suffering Duke Thomas, Soft Bruce Wayne, POV Bruce Wayne
Series: Part 4 of Batman/DC Fics
Summary:
Bruce knows he walks a thin line between Batman and my friend's dad with a lot of the younger heroes. He just isn't sure when they skipped Mister Wayne altogether and he became Uncle B.
(Or, Bruce may have an adoption problem, but this is not his fault. They just showed up.)
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