#its definitely more of a threat to laudna

[lessthanimpressedlesbian]

"Laudna-"

"No!" Laudna shouts, inky tears trailing down her face, pacing the length of the room as her hands pull at her hair. She feels an artificial warmth attempt to wrap around her, but she quickly fights against the feeling and glares at the woman before her.

"You deliberately kept this from me, so don't you dare try to force me to calm down."

Imogen stares down at her feet in shame, the gnarlrock shattered on the floor between them. She takes a step forward, barely managing to hold her resolve.

"I didn't touch it," she argues weakly, her hands fidgeting at her sides.

Laudna whips around and for the first time in their relationship, Imogen is afraid. Instead of their usual warmth, Laudna's eyes hold only fury and pain, the intensity of which knocks the breathe out of Imogen and crushes her heart.

"It doesn't matter, Imogen!" In a flash, Laudna takes off her ring and displays it for her to see. "We promised no more rocks. You promised me. And yet you didn't bother to tell me about this, even though you've had it for days!"

Something bitter and dark twists in Imogen's chest, an acrid taste filling her mouth. "Yeah well, it's not like you kept your promise either."

Laudna's eyes widen in shock and betrayal. Before Imogen can take back her words, Laudna throws the ring at her, hitting her solidly in the shoulder, Imogen only just managing to catch it in her hands. A piece of Imogen's soul shatters when she realizes what she's said.

"No, wait, I didnt-"

"How dare you," Laudna growls out, her voice the deadliest Imogen has ever heard. She might as well have commanded Imogen to be silent with how her entire body freezes.

"I had no control over my body when that happened," Laudna snaps, her fists clenching and black ichor starting to drip from where her nails are piercing her skin. "You kept this rock, knowing what Delilah made me do!" She steps forward, her hands shaking at her side.

"You know very well that I was worried about what that rock was doing to you, but do you have any idea how it feels to know you didn't care enough about my safety to keep that fucking rock away from me?"

Imogen can only stare as Laudna takes another step forward, her shame and guilt and fear rooting her to the spot.

"You shattered the other rock, so why on earth would you keep this one? If it hadn't been for Orym, that," Laudna points at the pile of shards at Imogen's feet, "would have been just another way for Delilah to prove to me that I'm nothing more than a puppet!"

Imogen forces herself forward, her hand reaching out. "I'm sorry-"

Laudna swats her hand away and turns her back to Imogen, her shoulders shaking. Imogen takes another tentative step forward, desperation and rapidly growing anxiety clawing at her chest.

"She was right," Laudna whispers, the words tearing what remains of Imogen's heart to shreds.

"Laudna," Imogen pleads with a whisper, her eyes stinging with tears as she cradles the ring to her chest.

"I need some time, Imogen. Please," she begs, a sob escaping her lips. "I need to be alone right now."

"A-alright." With a deep breath, Imogen walks to the door, only turning back once her hand rests on the handle. Laudna remains where she was, her back turned and her shoulders hunched. Tears blur Imogen's vision as she fights to hold herself together enough to open the fucking door. As she leaves, Imogen sends out one final thought.

I love you, and I'm sorry.

Laudna severs their connection.

[sparring-spirals]

(this is absolutely because i read this excellent piece by @sharkodactyl and i'm having So Many Imogen thoughts, my apologies)

god. i just. there's a way of interpreting imogen that. makes me love how much of imogen's ruthlessness, the storm in her veins- is her own, for better or for worse. Especially now, as Delilah starts pressing in more and more and we see Laudna revelling in what her powers can do but with the heartbreaking clarity of where it comes from. That it's a gift with strings attached.

That Laudna can do great things, horrifying things, but there's always still the voice, in the back of her head, always that worry of- was it me? is it me? Is this glee, this power, mine, or a borrowed tool with someone else's fingerprints smudged all over it. Is this my own desire, or are all my desires and wants and thoughts just little echoes of somebody else. planted ideas growing in a caged garden.

And, then in sharp contrast, Imogen-

It's so delicious, because there's all this power, and rage, and ruthlessness, and- there's definitely a whole fucking lot going on with her powers and in her head, and the gnarlrock effects, maybe,

but Imogen, in battle, looking at a threat and focusing the rage of a storm (focusing the rage of her storm) into one supercharged crack of lightning to fry them alive. Imogen, seeing a situation get questionable and giving up a bomb and detonating it without flinching, without regret, without hesitation.

That's her. There's no voice, there's no extra stipulation on the power, not any more than it already took away. This storm has chased, and tormented her for years and made her unsure and desperate and coldly functional all at once.

but when she draws it out of her veins, when she takes a breath and pulls all that power from the sky and herself and sends it screaming out of her fingertips- its all her. The power, the fury, the choice.

A sky-shattering crack, your vision going white and your ears ringing. Power that surges through metal and man alike, leaves one of them dead and fried, smoking and fused to his vehichle, his weapon.

("I didn't mean to kill him." But the hurt was the point, the harm was the point, and there's no other voice egging her on or calibrating her power- it's her, just her, Imogen, furious and storming with it, taking in a breath and releasing it).

(I don't think it's easy- or maybe it is, and that's part of the problem, but its hers. The decision, the rage, the storm.

For better, or for worse).

[centaurianthropology]

Brief Thoughts on Critical Role C3E11

Below that cut, my dudes.

Chetney is a werewolf as many suspected, and is specced much better to be a blood hunter!  Which also means we still don’t have a rogue, but do have two characters who are competent at lockpicking and checking for traps.  Still, a rogue-less party?  Interesting, and a very different vibe.

Speaking of parties, do we perchance have a party name?  Seems like we at least have a placeholder in the form of the New Nobodies.  I get the feeling this isn’t the permanent name, but that the final name for the group may evolve out of that (rather than be a reference to Bertrand Bell).  And I’m kind of into that.  I like the idea of having this placeholder name harkening back to what Ashton’s lost, and this sense of lost family slowly reforming, but I also like a new name coming out of that, evolving naturally, and becoming something on its own rather than something referring to the past.

We got a little more Orym this episode, which was great, but I still feel like he’s easily the cagiest of all of them about his backstory, and I include secretly-a-werewolf Chetney in that estimation.  Orym left Zephrah shortly after the attack, and saw ‘the best people’ he knew get cut down in front of him.  I think this is definitely feeding into the general fan theory about Orym’s husband dying, as he was likely another one of the guards.  Leaving Zephrah and the memories would make sense.

And we also get a very clear next destination: the Heartmoore Hamlet, where Jaina Hexum’s contest will be held, and where the next step in Orym’s quest lies.  I feel like Orym’s thing is going to take a long time to resolve, but the Hexum affair is more likely to resolve quickly, freeing Ashton up to travel.

But before then, we have a ball.  I love how enthusiastic Laudna and Dorian are about it.  The more I see them together, the more I love their dynamic.  I also love that Dorian is finally able to get some of his own back, after being the fish out of water rich kid for the majority of the campaign, he gets to be the one who knows what he’s doing in this environment.  And I’m so very excited that he’s decided that not only is Ashton going to be coming to the ball, but I get the terrible, hilarious feeling that Dorian really wants to dress Ashton up pretty for it.  I desperately want the most gloriously awkward scene of the makeover.  Given how much Ashton clearly detested the spa day, it’s going to be a hell of a thing.

Even so, I feel like the Ball could be a very dangerous place to be.  Being amongst all the power players, including the Treshis, means that they’re all under threat.  But more than that, I think Eshteross is going to attend in person to help, and may be hurt or killed to keep the Treshi family safe.  This could be one of the first huge events for the party, driving them into fleeing from Jrusar, taking Jaina up on her offer as a means of getting out.  It also puts some of them in a bind.  Imogen wants to study more.  Dorian’s brother is stuck in Jrusar.  If Eshteross dies or is taken out of the equation, it’s almost certain that the Treshis will make a power play, bring in Paragon’s Call, and declare martial law.  I could see this being the real first arc: the party having to leave Jrusar, and coming back later at a higher level to finally clean the place up, displace the Treshis, and possibly help support a more transparent government.

But it’s not just the big events that I found interesting.  The spa day served as a glimpse into the characters that we haven’t gotten before.  Dorian was in his element, hanging out with Laudna, introducing Chet to the joys of massage, etc.  Orym put up with some of it before needing some alone time to do (naked) katas.  Ashton hated every minute except the bath and maybe a nap, but had a knee-jerk rejection of letting anyone working there touch them.  Fearne got groomed by the person who usually worked on poodles, and is now infinitely fluffy.  FCG got the full treatment of oiling and buffing, and probably looks the best of all of them.  Chet had an unexpectedly great time.  Imogen kept mostly away from everyone, but was enjoying herself from a distance.

It’s such a good glimpse into who these people are, and I am looking forward to seeing them get out on the road just for this.  The CR cast does great character things with downtime scenes, really imbuing life in watch conversations and late-night chats around campfires.  Having an urban campaign has meant we haven’t gotten a ton of these sorts of moments, just the characters being themselves in a relatively safe environment.  I really want to see some one-on-one conversations between characters outside of their original groupings.  I want to see Dorian make Ashton over, and actually have a conversation about their lives as two genasi and how different they are.  I want to see Imogen talk with Chet about having to control something inside yourself you don’t really understand.  I want to see Fearne and Chetney talk about aging.  I want to see Ashton and Orym talk about lost family.  There are so many accidental parallels between these characters, but we haven’t had the setting to really dig into them.  So count me excited for the ball, but even more excited for them to shake loose of Jrusar for a while and get out on their own on the road.  Possibly becasue they have to, possibly because they just chose to.

[sparring-spirals]

uh, would you mind sharing your thoughts on Imogen? Your analysis on how jester and vex represented the two different sides of the offense and defense coin was interesting and I was wondering what your thoughts on Imogen were? That is if you don’t mind people asking

The mentioned Jester/Vex meta here.

Oh boy, would I like to share my thoughts about Imogen :')

(You absolutely do not need to apologize; I love to ramble on about character analysis and I also really fucking love talking about Imogen, specifically.)

I didn't include her in the original post mostly because. Well. We really don't know her yet! 10, 11 episodes is so early in getting to know a char, vs both Jester and Vex who have a campaign and few years worth of growth and analysis and data points to reference. So before I say anything else, big fucking flashing disclaimer that: I know its early! Things are VERY subject to change. This is all speculation, I am likely wrong, etc.

That said.

On the sliding scale of offense/defense mentality that I have apparently built, I think Imogen is a fascinating blend of both, although she definitely inches more towards offense, especially under fire.

More specifically: She strikes me as someone who sets up all her baseline rules to play defense, except all her plans B-Z immediately go for the jugular.

Imogen, in theory, is the kind of person to play it safe. By default, she comes off as relatively nervous and trying to get by without rocking the boat, or hurting, inconveniencing, or offending others. Lies with exceptional ease if she needs to get out of trouble. She is constantly, actively maintaining a literal defense against the ongoing barrage of other peoples thoughts. So. Yeah. That's pretty defensive.

Except. When it’s not. Except Imogen flips to the offense on a dime. When things start looking dicey, or when she wants to know something, or she just ... Wants to. We see her get ravenously, rudely curious. We see her projecting into people's minds to pester and intimidate, we see her lie audaciously and convincingly without batting an eye, we see her casting calm emotions or causing a ruckus. We see her shooting fucking lightning, bombarding psychic attacks, etc.

The second-guessing? The caution? Gone, replaced with a kind of terrifying ruthlessness. Fast, effectively, and with essentially zero hesitation. She’ll open herself up for danger and backlash if it means she gets shit done.

Don’t get me wrong, Imogen has a killer self preservation instinct- and I mean that both metaphorically and literally. It is evidently just outweighed by a sense of ravenous curiosity or a particular objective.

Jester offers friendship and means it (as an offer and a threat). Vex charms you from an arms distance while she mentally calculates your worth (your value, your danger). Imogen will lie and ask for help and be harmless and a little lost until she very suddenly isn't, and you find out her mind was elsewhere the whole time- in yours, on the objective, on her friends.

In terms of protector, protection, protecting- I think Imogen acts protectively, but less as an ingrained quality and more in service of one goal or another. (And most of the time that goal is: protect self. Protect Laudna. etc. But when it isn’t, that’s when it gets interesting.)

Imogen is playing defense by default, until she very suddenly isn’t. And she’s a smooth enough liar that you might not recognize the shift until it’s too late. :D