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The Statue of The Conquered
#art storage tag#arthur lester malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent#arthur malevolent#arthur lester#arthur stop turning into statues#its getting a tiny bit old#guess who got their hands on an oil paint brush and found out how to use it
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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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How pissed is ceroba when she realizes kanako wasted the eggs again
she finds out its for a good cause and then all is forgiven!
#asked and answered#monster clover au#shes a tiny bit sad clover didnt tell her about their family stuff#but she also knows kanako is doing a good job supporting them and helping them move on#so shes happy theyre both getting along!! even if its thru egging clovers old house#she would have done worse#mcau fun
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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ngl babes idk how much longer i can do this 😭
#personal#i know not everything is for me and thats fine#but idk im getting such fatigue with this band without it being the whole actual band#i know intimate gigs are important and special but like just continually doing these tiny runs#building up the hype and demand and the prices#knowing people keep getting their hopes up and get more desperate each time#and like saying everything is super limited and then adding more things#but never enough so that everyone gets a chance to experience something or is fully satisfied#it just feels super fucked like their management is just doing everything they can to squeeze every last penny out of people#without committing to a full tour#sorry im a bit drunk so im being quite hyperbolic but idk man im so over this whole project lol#i miss kyle and woody and will :(#like truly i look back at the old tour photos and im like those were the days 😭#this is now a full hate blog NOT just a joke hate blog#its not that deep lmao just im probably gonna not be so active with the blog until proper bas5 cause ampersand is pissing me off rn icl#girl imagine hating blue sky sm you start boycotting the entire album run 😭
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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you ever write up a combination of words you're really proud of at the time bc you think it's vivid but it's actually so atrocious that you remember it eight years later bc it's burned itself into your long-term memory? just me?
#i'm literally laughing my entire ass off rn. i can't believe i found this fic i wrote at 15 and orphaned when i came to my senses abt both#my complete inability and total aversion to writing first person as well as the fact that the english language should never have been#subjected to its words being done dirty like this 😭#also i straight up fucking LIED in the authors note??? i said i'd broken my knee as a kid which is categorically false. i fell down some#stairs and banged it up and it's a tiny bit weak ig but i didn't break it? all any teens born after y2k know is eat hot chip and lie...#still not over the first line... the flip flop bit i remembered but i'd COMPLETELY forgotten 'a shriek seeped out of my throat'. girl. what.#how does a shriek seep exactly? the world may never know...#and the use of 'groped' is also sending me 😭 AND 'crash bash whump thump' girlllll send help holy shit i can't stop coughing & laughing#the rest of the fic isn't quite this bad but it's very purple yet ineloquent and rough. it's a good reminder of how much i've improved and#honestly i'd rather read this utterly amature fic bc it's at least charming in its lack of skill rather than infuriating like some of my#oneshots that are still on my page bc they're more comprehensible but just bad enough to make me cringe. getting mad at this oneshot would#be like getting bad at a kid's stick figure drawing. like. it's just kinda cute to see someone starting out on their creative journey#my old sw oneshots on the other hand are like the awkward growing pains of puberty. you just can't help but wince at the reminder#this is okay to reblog btw bc it's objectively hilarious and i don't mind ppl finding humor in it#len speaks
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seriously debating a home rn …
#i THINK i have the app in the bag#my only qualms are 1) unit old and has not been updated much. this means drafty and just like… a bit rough around the edges#however. building has character which i do like!#2) laundry requires u to physically leave the building to access the basement where it’s located#and it’s coin operated which is annoying#however i’ve been loosely planning to get a like… tiny in unit one anyways? so like. this would just speed up that#3) money. it is SLIGHTLY above my budget but nothing egregious or undoable. just slightly more than i was originally planning for#i’ve been back and forth on it … i have time. however there’s lots i DO like abt the unit#location is IDEAL#balcony#dishwasher and big tub#once again its a very unique building too bc its old!#grocery store very close#good square footage#a balcony 🫣#i’m WEIGHING IT#ill poke at the landlord today
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hm. you know what. censorship culture bad, agree. but uh "if you say unalive in front of me im killing you with my bare hands" hinged response 👍 good job. thatll show em. be worse. while youre at it you should send some suicide baiting anons to them, another thing that only the most hinged, and reasonable, and cool people do
#toy txt post#reblogs off i dont trust yall#the majority of the censorship happening is self censorship ship yes but also. you are responding extremely reactively to ppl who are#eing affected by it. do you think this is going to fix things?#ngl some of yall are annoying enough about this that its changed my mind on saying it#i do think we should be allowed to say kill but i honestly dont see a meaningful difference between unalive and smth like#meaningfully different from like. passed away. put to sleep. no longer with us. kicked the bucket. truly how is unalive any worse or more#squeamish about death or whatever than those? ppl honestly probably could get away with using those. is it just cos unalive is like#cringe and new and slangy??#people have been self censoring and softening and dancing around this topic forever and the censorship IS bad but the word unalive is not#actually going to bring society to its knees and yall need to chill out like. a tiny bit#or dont. whatever. but youll be less of a toxic miserable asshole to interact with#is seggs REALLY worse than seggsy. none of this is really new. the words are new. the sentiment is so so old and persistent and teens on#tiktok are not going to be the downfall of the earth#even if they talk silly#even if they talk silly cos theyre stuck on this miserable ad pandering hostile censoring internet landscape with the rest of us
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ooc. u know since i started teaching i think my grammar is getting..........tiny..........tiny...weeensyyyyyy eaaannyyyy better. i know how grammar works but then i write my brain: *slides arabic structure here because it can* and then you have arabizi*
#ooc.| faty speaks#[i know i still do it but (verb have) in a past sentence my brain: gotta use the past form of the verb too duh#[modal verb carry the tense so no need to say something like they didn't had it should be have...#[me: its easy. brain: lmao ok i cant apply it because whatever~ whaaaatever~~~~#[sTOP IT ZA.CK FAIR STOP IT!!!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO WWHATEVER ME NOW NOT EVEN IN JP!!! I WARN YOU BRAIN#[never mind me im just little bit emotional. remember when i used to write am instead of I .... yeh. same.#[i give myself pain because i can#[LISTEN. IM TINY BIT PROUD. AT LEAST I MAKE SENSE NOW..........RIGHT?...RIGHT???????????????????#[we passed the your and you're stage too. luckily i didnt get them mixed up. it is the there and their for me XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#[help me..im suffocating because of past memories waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!#[let me not open my old multi muse blog and look at my writing sobs#[oooh c r i n g e ~~~~~~~#[yehaw i wanna bother wars suddenly weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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had a moment of whimsy followed by a moment of genuine irritation
#i went outside for 20 mins bc i felt like crawling out of my skin and thought swinging alone in the windy weather would maybe help me calm#down just a bit. like a little tiny bit#for the first 5 mins i felt like my heart would burst from the anxiety of being in my neighborhood and ppl seeing me through their windows#i get so weird about existing in public (has an anxiety disorder)#i started swinging aggressively and started calming down a bit#then this little kid got onto the swing next to me and his dad started pushing him#and i could hear the kid laughing through my headphones blasting music#i started smiling without realizing and then made eye contact w the kids dad while smiling 😭#and tjen i took off my headphones bc i felt obligated to say hello just to be polite idk!#and i was like aww how old is heee so cute#the kid was 5#and then the dad was like how about yourself? i went: im 20 haha#and he was like. Oh? i thought you were like 12 years old. 🤨#PLEASE?#and then i was like haha yeah! i get that a lot! (no i don't?)#im actually a uni student#and he asked me what i was studying so i said psych#and he was like yeah youll need a masters there arent any jobs in that with just a bachelor's#and i was like I know right! ill probably get a PhD haha the job market is so horrible!#and then he was like so you live at home? and i was like yeah its so much cheaper!#and then awkward silence i said nice to meet u and got the fuck out of there#like why did he have to tell me i needed a masters Bitch I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW my life is already falling apart dont remidn em 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it was way more wholesome when i jjst smiled silently at him and his cute ass chuld#z.post
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damn i might be getting a root canal on friday the 13th if they can't save my crater of a cavity by trying to fill it the regular way
#if i was on mobile i would be putting in so many skull heads rn#like damn but yea i went to the dentist today after not going in a few years since i got busy with work and school and covid#so it pushed dental to the back burner and im also finally gonna get my wisdom teeth removed after my birthday so yahoo for me!!!!!#my mom said i should do it before but i had a tiny bf about it since im going out with my friends and i want to have spicy food on my bday#and spicy food is on the no no list for wisdom teeth removal from what i rememer. its all soft and not spicy and possibly bland#so im lik hey i dont want to be miserable with pain for both halloween and my birthday since that is the highlight of my year#and id rather be miserable closer to christmas cuz its not a fave holiday and i dont like the winter much either#so i seem to be a bit masochistic and want to be extra miserable during the winter lmao#but this dentist even asked me if i wanted braces to make my teeth a little straighter to close the gap and all i could think was damn#my old dentist was never that thorough with the exam and just did cavities and wisdom teeth and thats about it#my mom was adament i get braces cuz she said i had hella crooked teeth but i think mine look fine and kinda cute and gives it some characte#but i will say that ive never gone to a dentist where the tv was bolted to the ceiling cuz i could hear a tv playing in my room and thought#that they covered the tv with a painting for aesthetic until i laid back and there is some real estate show on above me#but its so smart tho cuz most people or at least people with good vision will focus on the tv and move their head#but if its on the ceiling then you are just looking up and not getting in the way of the denist#especially since a little kid under 8 was there and was sitting so still in his chair cuz the tv was above him lmao
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sincerely i think the worst part of having bjds of different sizes and styles is you will get a guy bc u think he looks nice and then you realize his head is massive and doesnt mesh with ANY of your other guys...
#twist rambles#^guy that finally reached out to doa members to be like hi. HELP PLEASE. bc like... i dont normally have realistic sculpts so its really#scary for me. but its something where i think id like to umm. do a slightly different faceup than what i tried w him last time. bc hes a#robot to me. so i want to have the circuit boards and stuff showing. initially i wanted half his face to look like that but now im like...#small sections would look rly good of like. tiny bits of the skin peeling off to reveal circuitry. if that makes sense. but also its so so#hard for me as a guy w shaky handsssss augh#like. hes 70 cm tall and JACKED. and my other biggest doll is 68cm and pretty sldner so its so scary. this also reminds me i need to keep#wiping the old faceup/body paint off my other doll so i can like. well. make a silly b.lack jac.k doll ok :3 but i gotta get references too#hmm. much to do. but anyways. its so scary idk his eyes are a lot smaller bc his features are more realistic so like. im very scared about#it bc i just. yeah. its very different to my other guys bc like... i prefer a slightly less realistic doll. so its so scary. but i fell in#love w his face and his body ohhhh god yall dont even KNOW how bad and how much work thats gonna be. beautiful jacked so.nic the hed.gehog#body <- due to the fact he is blue. only partially tho. which is why im doing circuitry. bc i then dont have to um... wipe the 5 billion#spots of paint off. sorry thsi is so rambly in the tags but. its so scary for me#bjdposting
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...
#ho hum they finally filled my prescription so ive now got the new medication#havent decided when im gonna start taking it tho. like i should start tomorrow bc i dont feel that great#i mean ive physically recovered from my allergic reaction debacle. my mood is generally just low. not like dangerously so. more like i#talk to ppl and im like oh im being a bummer. which i hate. so like i should start taking it#but im only here for like one more week before i fly home so im like. well ill b fine over the break bc no school#which is like yeah ill prob b fine but like even when im hanging out with family and being chill im not really happy. im just like not so#stressed but theres still like a cap on my mood so like maybe if i take it i can b like a human person. but like im still somehow resistant#which is dumb but like taking an old timey non ssri anti depressant feels different than taking an actual up and down mood stablizer#which is stupid bc im just getting freaked out by the word anti psychotic. and like grappling with the stupid voice#in the back of my head from growing up around the super health freaks in my family who r like: dont take medicine. dont trust doctors who#want to unnecessarily medicate u. but like im also worried itll work and ill just have to b on medication for the rest of my life#which is like fine but it feels weird to theoretically spend 30 dollars a month to be not miserable. bc idk the copay on this medication was#way higher than anything else ive had to get. but idk its dumb and i should just take it#but also a tiny bit a afraid of side effects after last time. i dont wanna deal with that :-[#unrelated
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Bro... what happened to my copy of OMORI...
WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT??? I use 2x Resolution, Windowed mode (I have a fear of putting anything in fullscreen). And the last time I played the game, it did not look like that. It looked like that when I booted it up and thought loading a random save might fix it maybe but no.
This ^^^ is an old screenshot from last time I played where there's no unnecessary black void wasting space.
SO WHAT HAPPENED TO IT NOW??? THERE'S A VOID EVERYWHERE! I didn't touch this game for nearly a year bro, I also didn't touch any of my Steam settings so what the fuck is that.
#aria rants#i was thinking of finally revisiting OMORI but i aint playing this game like that bro. the black borders aint even balanced ugh...#its also either that horrendous looking thing or 1x res which is the tiniest lil box i aint playing with smth as tiny as that#also the reason why i have a fear of putting anything in fullscreen is that in the past we had a different pc#it bluescreened once while i was playing osu! and bluescreened another time while i was watching a vid on fullscreen#and no matter what game or even just a youtube video. the moment i put it on fullscreen itll start lagging and freeze for a bit#and i just start praying that itll recover long enough for me to get the thing off fullscreen so i wont have to ctrl alt del#all bad things happening whenever i play or watch smth in fullscreen that i just have a slight trauma of it#so i never play a game or watch a vid on fullscreen at all even in this current pc#cuz ngl even if i had to put smth in fullscreen for a bit my heartrate just shoots up so much id be scrambling to get it windowed#tbf i think our old pc is alrdy gettin in on its years when it started getting problems but the absolute horror it gave me when#it bluescreened for the first time and it just kept going downhill will never leave my mind.#it was also the first time i saw a pc actually bluescreen. it aint even instant. there were glitchy colourful lines appearing#and i couldnt move my mouse. ctrl alt del didnt work either. the lines kept increasing. panicked so hard i called my sister#i dont remember what happened after. dunno if the pc blacked out entirely to show a bluescreen after or if it showed before blackin out#so anyway our old pc gave me some insane pc trauma that i still fear fullscreen to this day
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Tomorrow marks my 6th day working at my new job and Monday will be my 7th/weekiversary....
#its a tiny bit confusing on some parts but...i really do like this job!!!#everyone is easy to get along with and makes sure to say good morning to me in the morning and :)#i like the type of work @ the beauty store i once worked at a bit more.....but regardless. I do genuinely love this job so far#i dont feel overwhelmed or frustrated#and i havent had one bad customer towards me yet#i did have a bad customer today but it was more her piss poor attitude towards her spoiled brat 4 year old daughter and being unable to pay#and giving in to said brat#god that shitty brat had such an ear grating whine i wanted to stab my own eardrums out#“I have enough cash for her toys bc she will NOT let me go without them” YOURE BUYING CLOTHES FOR SCHOOL FOR HER. SURELY THATS MORE IMPORTA#THAN PRINCESS PIGGLES RAINBOW RAKE??????#fkdkfoforor i was. Very annoyed.#Their delay made me half an hour late for my lunch break :(#well. Anyway. Everyone else has been very sweet and lots of customers have called me “extremely pleasant” and said they look forward to#seeing me again. And my coworkers said that im a good worker already#aghfifkfkdkdmsksk i may not have as much time for my hobbies but at least im being welcomed so warmly ...
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