#its just not very flavorful. not even in a savory sense e

[clamorybus]

my parents are good cooks on a technical level, but in hindsight their cooking is very bland

like, ive never smelled food cooked in oil until like a year ago

[mbavholidayexchange]

to @rowsha from @pixiepaintt

title: pumpkin pasties and unspoken promises

rating: teen and up audiences

summary:

Benny wasn’t the biggest fan of pumpkin pasties. They were too sweet and too savory and the flavors all mashed into one nasty confection he could hardly call a treat. He'd avoided them ever since his first year.

But when a blonde-headed vampire asks him to try one, he can't bring himself to say no...

ao3 link: link

content:

Benny wasn’t the biggest fan of pumpkin pasties.

They were savory, filled with rich sage and toasted garlic, yet also sweetly crusted with browned sugar and butter. He wasn’t typically a picky eater; he would scarf down most of the Great Hall if it weren’t for those stingy elves (once, he’d snuck into the kitchen at night for pudding and woke up all of the teachers with his screams). But something about the pumpkin pasties made him wince. He wished they would just pick a flavor category and stick to it.

Rory loved them. Every Saturday morning, as the three boys walked to breakfast together, he’d ramble about how long the weekdays had been and how he would give anything for the pumpkin pasties to be available every morning. He usually raced to the hall to gather up all of the pasties from the Gryffindor table for himself; then he’d eventually feel bad and return a couple. Of course, he kept the majority for himself, but it was the thought that counted.

Benny, despite his disdain for the fickle pastries, would never outwardly show it because he was a good friend. His way of showing affection often coincided with insults, but he didn’t want to seriously hurt his friends. Even if Rory liked the grossest food known to warlock, he deserved at least some happiness.

Right now, he wasn’t happy. The two Gryffindor boys were stood outside Ethan’s dorm room at ten minutes past eight. By now, they should be in the Great Hall loading their plates full of the weekend delicacies but a certain someone was too concerned about his likability.

“Guys, do you think Sarah likes straight hair or gelled hair?” Ethan called from across the door.

“Dude, who cares, the pumpkin pasties are probably all gone by now,” Rory wailed, “I’m doomed to eat sticky pancakes and oily hashbrowns for life!”

Benny slung an arm around his shoulder, trying to suppress his laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get some,” Benny promised, grinning.

Rory let out a pleased squeal– seriously, what kind of teenage boy squealed?– and turned to crush Benny in a hug. He was definitely the most physically affectionate of the group and Benny didn’t mind one bit. Except for the fact that he valued his life.

“Watch the bones,” Benny grimaced, “some of us are mortal.”

He was immediately released and prodded at, a bashful Rory checking for any damage. It wasn’t his fault; vampire strength was hard to control, especially as a newborn. He got excited easily and wanted to share his happiness with his friends, but it unfortunately sometimes ended in a broken bone or two. Fortunately, Benny was good at crafting excuses to get Madam Pomfrey to heal them.

“Sorry, Benny,” Rory softly amended with a pout when he was satisfied with his inspection. Something tender filled Benny’s chest, easy and comforting. It made him want to pull Rory back into a hug even if it meant broken ribs. It made him feel like he was safe. It made him feel like his smile would last forever.

“Yeah, uh, no problem,” he replied, trying to not let his giddiness show.

And, just like that, the moment was over. Rory gave him a big smile and turned back to the door, rapping on its poor creaky wood.

“Ethan, Benny said he’s going to get me pumpkin pasties! He’s my bestest best friend now!” Rory yelled.

A few of the Ravenclaws in the boys’ commons glanced over and frowned at the commotion, sighing when they saw Benny and Rory. They technically weren’t allowed in other houses’ dormitories, but they snuck in so much that no one cared to confront them anymore. Benny smiled weakly and half-heartedly waved.

“Not my fault I’m the only one with any chance with a girl!” Ethan yelled back, then paused, “Sorry! I’m just freaking out. Do you think Sarah would prefer a more floral or woodsy cologne? I was thinking about an earthy scent but that might be overwhelming for her vampire senses. Do you think Jesse wears expensive cologne? He probably does. Hey, Benny, do you have any more of that pheromone stuff?”

//

By the time they reached the Great Hall, most of the students were finishing breakfast. As soon as the doors opened, Rory was rushing to the Gryffindor table, oblivious to all of the students he knocked over to get there. Benny winced.

Ethan was still frozen in the entrance, staring at Sarah not-so-subtly. Benny nudged him and waved a hand in front of his flushed face. He was fairly sure that Ethan had pencilled in his eyebrows.

“Hello, earth to E,” he joked. Ethan blanched and frantically turned to Benny, eyes wide.

“Oh Merlin, I should have gone with the floral cologne!”

“Yeah, guess you’ve ruined your chance forever,” Benny dryly responded before laughing at Ethan’s petrified expression, “I’m kidding. Go get ‘em, tiger.” He winked and pushed Ethan toward the Ravenclaw table. He would go with him, as a wingman, but he’d rather not leave food-crazed Rory alone with the first-years.

  So as much as he wanted to valiantly shield Rory from all of the nasty looks and middle fingers being thrown his direction, he knew that Rory didn’t want conflict. He wanted comfort.

  As soon as Benny turned his attention back to the young vampire, he sighed. Rory was plucking all of the pasties from the table– even the ones on plates– and curling around them protectively. He had garnered more than a few glares from the rest of the house members. Rory spotted Benny and waved giddily, his mouth full and spirits high. Benny always admired him for that: he never seemed to care what strangers thought about him. He would wear the most outlandish clothes and talk about the most obscure things and just… deflected any mockery that came his way. At first, Benny had thought he was just oblivious to the sniggering and badgering, but when he tried to confront the bullies, Rory stopped him and told him that it didn’t matter. No one else’s opinion mattered– only his friends’.

  Benny walked over to the table and sat next to him, giving him a warm smile.

“You know, it’s not very swagalicious to steal food,” Benny chuckled, bumping shoulders with Rory as he sat down. Rory gasped, quickly swallowing his food.

  “R-Dawg has more swag than you’ll ever know,” Rory adamantly defended, scowling, “R-Dawg invented swag. Check it!”  He then began making various noises and swinging his hands in what Benny assumed to be beatboxing. This earned him even more glares.

  Benny rolled his eyes and started piling his plate up with food: cinnamon-buttered toast, black pudding, bacon, and a large heaping of sugar donuts. He was quite famished from his late-night DND campaign (and his subsequent adventure of sneaking Ethan back into the Ravenclaw dorms afterward).

  “We need to bring the Muse-A-Tronics back!” Rory whisper-yelled to him, eyes sparkling.

  “And lose the tiny bit of dignity I have left?” Benny whisper-yelled back.

  “Maybe it would make Erica finally notice you,” Rory quipped, looking back down at his plate in something akin to nervosity.

  “It would make all the primo babes notice me,” Benny boasted, puffing out his chest dramatically. Truthfully, he valued Erica more as a friend (and was pretty sure she wasn’t into men) but he didn’t want to admit it. His friends had teased him about it long enough that it felt wrong to confess– it felt wrong to even acknowledge himself. When he started thinking about romance, he started thinking about Rory, and then he started feeling guilt and– he preferred to not think about it.

  “Girls love that macho piano playing,” Rory affirmed, something pensive in his tone, almost hesitant. He picked at the crust of his toast.

  Benny frowned at his arbitrary dejection and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, bringing him in for a quick side-hug. There was a strong need arising in him to console Rory, a mixture of guilt and sympathy. He patted his shoulder and broke apart the contact, feeling foolish for something he didn’t know how to describe.

  “Don’t worry, MC MonsterBat will be a lady-killer for sure,” Benny said.

  “Who are we killing?” Ethan asked, sitting across from Benny and grabbing an orange.

  “Just women,” Benny shrugged, “Speaking of, how’d it go with Sarah?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  Ethan facepalmed and shook his head.

  “You don’t want to know,” he groaned.

  “Aw c’mon, I’m great at love advice!”

  “B, last time you tried to hit on a girl, you had your eyebrows singed off,” Ethan deadpanned.

“That fireworks spell was trickier than I thought!”

  “The time before that, you almost drowned.”

  “In my defense, the textbooks make mermaids seem really sweet.”

  Ethan just laughed and started peeling apart his orange. He found Benny’s outlandish flirting style amusing, but he had learned to keep a distance whenever it involved magic.

  Rory had been developing a frown throughout the conversation, glaring at his orange juice. He seemed to suddenly decide something and looked up, tugging on Benny’s shirt.

  “Benny, do you want to try one?” He asked hopefully.

  “One what?” Benny hesitantly responded.

  “A pumpkin pastie! AKA the most delicious thing in the world,” Rory cheerfully coaxed, picking up the biggest one he had and offering it reverently. He was so heartened and upbeat that Benny couldn’t bring himself to tell him no.

  The smile on Rory’s face was infectious, and soon Benny was grinning widely too. Rory could probably ask him to eat an earwax jelly bean and he’d agree to it– just because it was Rory. 

  “Uhh, sure, I’ll try a bite,” he said, not missing how Rory’s face lit up adorably or how he pulled him infinitesimally closer. He gently took the pumpkin pastie from Rory’s hands and bit into it without any hesitance.

  To be fair, he still didn’t like it. It had too many clashing flavors and the nutmeg was overpowering. But, when he saw the blush growing on Rory’s face and the way his eyes crinkled with joy, he found himself taking another bite, and another…

  “Do you like it?” Rory excitedly asked, biting into his own pastie and beaming.

  Benny nodded and finished it off, licking his fingers off (and if Rory’s eyes were caught on his lips, neither of them acknowledged it).

  “Yeah, it’s a very unique flavor,” he said. He didn’t want to lie; he was just stretching the truth.

  “You can admit it, it’s the best food in the world,” Rory stuck out his tongue. Benny just laughed and shook his head.

  “Oh, B, you should try the fruitcake next! You always refuse even though it’s my favorite,” Ethan interjected, glancing around the table and grabbing a slice to hold out.

  “No offense, but that is probably the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. I’d rather face Moldy Voldy than dried figs and prunes trying to disguise themselves as a cake.” Benny fake gagged and scrunched his nose up. He had a rich sweet tooth and could say for certain that fruitcake was not included in that. It barely even counted as sweet.

  “But you just ate the pumpki– Oh. Oh, of course,” Ethan grinned and flickered his eyes between Benny and Rory, “I’m bloody dumb.”

  Rory quizzically looked up from his food and managed a “Hmhuh?” through a full mouth. Benny raised his eyebrows. He usually shared a brain cell with Ethan and could tell what the other was thinking, but he had no clue what was making Ethan laugh so much. He had long since made his hatred for dried fruit known.

  Ethan shook his head and smiled at both of them.

  “Nothing to be worried about. Did you guys want to head to the Quidditch field later?”

  //

  The next Saturday, Benny was the first one up.

“Rory, get up! It’s breakfast time!” He yelled, untangling himself from his sheets.

From the bed over, Rory groaned and hid his face in his pillow. He had spent the entire night getting “food” in the Forbidden Forest. Benny didn’t want to know any more than that.

There was an odd spike of excitement running through him; he just knew that he had to get to the Great Hall as soon as possible. He’d been looking forward to it the entire week, constantly thinking about the darned pumpkin pasties. Whenever he mentioned it, Ethan just gave him a wink.

“If you get up now, I’ll eat another pastie with you,” Benny added.

At that, Rory was standing up, fully awake.

“Really? You’d do that?”

Benny laughed and shrugged.

“Anything for you,” he said, immediately regretting it. That wasn’t a very bro-like thing to say. Rory didn’t seem to mind, though, brightly smiling at Benny and moving to get his robes out.

Benny opened his trunk as well, absentmindedly picking out his finest robes. It seemed like it was going to be a great morning.

//

The warm feeling in Benny’s chest didn’t dissipate. Truly, he knew what was causing it, but he wasn’t ready to face it yet; he wasn’t ready to face him. He felt like it could end any minute, and he couldn’t risk that.

He was a bit relieved when Ethan said he had to study for his midterms rather than go on the Hogsmeade trip. He didn’t want to leave his best friend alone on the weekend, but the prospect of going out with Rory was too exciting.

Hogwarts had just had its first snow, thinly carpeting the winter grass and stone paths in a soft reminder that winter was near. Hogsmeade was decorated in shiny red ribbons and glimmering icicles, sprinklings of mistletoe hanging from every signpost. The restaurants were particularly busy, drawing in onlookers with their warm stews and hot chocolates filling the chilly air with hearty aromas.

They had, as tradition, stopped by Honeydukes first to satisfy their cravings. Benny was sure to grab enough peppermint creams and sugar quills for Christmas; when in doubt, candy was the best gift option. Who would turn down Honeydukes?

They eventually ended up in the Three Broomsticks, properly cold and yearning for fish and chips. Benny had jumped right into his butterbeer, not caring at all how the froth gave him a mustache.

“I’ve died, I’ve died and reached heaven,” Benny bewailed, clinging onto his mug like it was the most precious thing in the world. Which it was.

Rory had the audacity to look offended. He had barely touched his drink, uncharacteristically distraught.

“You can’t die yet, dude, we haven’t beaten the Feudal Wars IV boss yet.”

Benny considered that for a second and then nodded approvingly.

“You’re right, yeah, I guess I have to hold on until then.”

“Can’t leave the Rorster hanging!”

“Of course not,” Benny chuckled, “You’d never be able to finish that round on your own.”

Rory flicked one of his chips at him, pouting. Benny sighed and gave him back a chip to equalize the transaction, squeezing Rory’s hand briefly as an apology.

“You have to admit though, I’m a god at the Feudal Wars series. I think I’m ranked twenty in the nation. Which, to be fair, there are only about a hundred players in Great Britain, but rankings in a multiplayer RPG are skewed anyway. I can’t wait until I’m back home so I can get back to–

“Benny.”

“What’s up?” He replied, taking a swig of his butterbeer and silently pretending that it was real alcohol to feel cooler. Rory hesitated and drummed his fingers on the wooden table.

“I… I know you don’t like pumpkin pasties.”

Benny froze, nearly choking on his drink.

“Dude, what? We’ve been eating them together every week,” he weakly rebutted. Rory rolled his eyes and smiled.

“I’m not a complete idiot,” Rory laughed, “I know you’ve hated them since first year.”

“But you–”

“I wanted to see if you would. Try one for me,” Rory said, leaning forward and resting his head on his palms. His fangs were ever-so-subtly peeking out.

“Oh.”6

Godric Gryffindor, he must have not been as smooth as he thought. What would Rory think of him now, lying about something so simple as a pastry? Normal friends don’t do that.

Benny lifted his head, mouth agape and ready to rush out an excuse, but– he was met with a blushing, embarrassed Rory. Who didn’t seem upset in the slightest.

“It’s cute,” he promised, reaching out for Benny’s hand and rubbing small circles on the back.

“I just– I didn’t want to make you sad, I’m sorry–” Benny stuttered, feeling exposed.

“Don’t apologize, B,” Rory insisted, “You know, to make it even, I’ll eat fruitcake for you.”

Benny furrowed his brows. It sounded almost like a confession– a reciprocation. Maybe they had both been hiding their attachment. Merlin, Ethan had probably stayed back at Hogwarts to make this happen. Well, not that Benny was complaining.

He squeezed Rory’s hand and smiled.

“That’s a bet.”

“Okay, tomorrow morning! I’ll prove it!” Rory asserted, biting his lip, “R-Money will prove his heart’s desire!”

“Moment ruined,” Benny teased fondly.

“Oh, do you prefer R-Dawg? Rorster? Ror-inator? R-Money? Batman? Ror–”

Benny pressed his thumb gently on his lips to quiet him.

“I just like Rory.”

//

By the time they left, the snow was sticking to the ground and the sun was peeking out. If they squinted, they could see Ethan cheering them on from his dorm window with two thumbs up. Damn seer abilities.

With Rory’s hand in his, cheeks red from more than just the cold, Benny took a moment to reconsider. Maybe he had liked the pumpkin pasties all along. He just hadn’t been able to appreciate their ambivalence– he hadn’t realized that if he had just let the flavors meld together, there didn’t need to be a schism.

He turned to Rory, giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead and running through the snow.

“Last one to the castle has to help Ethan get ready for his date tomorrow!”

[mind-reader1]

Queen of Hearts (Ch.15)

Drake x MC (Emma Barnes)

TRR AU: What would happen if Emma loved Drake but had to marry Liam?

Catch up here

Warnings: NSFW

Note: I almost didn’t post this after @ooo-barff-ooo ‘s amazing chapter of Girl Crush, but I knew I wouldn’t have time tomorrow. Enjoy! Let me know if you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list!

Word Count: 2872

Summary: The court has arrived at Kiara’s duchy, but things for the art festival don’t go as planned. Kiara throws herself at Drake causing some tension between Drake and Emma before their R-rated movie date. Doubts start to creep into Drake’s head just before they find Liam waiting for them.

Chapter 15: A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

The day we met, Frozen I held my breath Right from the start I knew that I'd found a home for my heart Beats fast Colors and promises How to be brave? How can I love when I'm afraid to fall But watching you stand alone? All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you For a thousand years I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still Beauty in all she is I will be brave I will not let anything take away What's standing in front of me Every breath Every hour has come to this

Emma was up early the next morning, she wandered down to find Hakim and Francesco in a panic. The gallery had flooded in the night, it was supposed to open this morning. Emma texted her friends 911 and they all came down to the sitting room.

“What happened?” Liam was the first to arrive. Francesco explained again, he was sure that it was sabotage. It was the same attackers from the homecoming ball, they were sure of it. Hakin and Francesco began planning to cancel the festival, they wouldn't be able to clear out the water in time, that would devastate all the work they had just done in Applewood to rally the people.

“No. What if we didn't have to cancel. No art was damaged, spin it as an art installation! It can be to raise awareness about the flooding in Portavira. Show that we're united and support the other duchies.”

“It would strengthen morale among the people!” Liam chimed in. Hakim stopped and considered their words.

“How would we pull it off?”

“I'll put it all over social media! An exclusive exhibit available today and here only!” Emma nodded at Maxwell, he began firing away on his phone.

“I'll direct clean up. I'm probably the only person here who knows how to use a bucket and mop.” Drake said.

“We get the worst of the water out and it won't look too messy.”

“If we pass out color coordinated rain boots at the door, we can add to the experience!” Hana had taken color theory lessons and so she was the perfect person for the job.

“This is a great plan but why are you doing this for us?” Emma smiled.

“It's the right thing to do. You're a citizen of Cordonia, we do everything we can do our citizens.”

“Let's get started then!” Hakim hired a cleanup crew, and everyone got to work. A few hours later, Madeleine had Emma meet her at a local boutique. Madeleine was on Emma's case about recruiting Hakim and Joelle even though she was sure they would come since she had just saved their gallery. Madeleine just rolled her eyes and held up an off the shoulder dress with different shades of purple, pink, blue and white that all complemented each other. The dress looked like an abstract canvas. She wore a small, rhinestone necklace to complement the dress, Drake's ring tucked safely away. By the time Emma arrived at the gallery, guests had already begun arriving and Hana had given them a pair of rainboots that matched their outfits better than expected. She joined her friends in the center of the gallery and Drake ran his eyes up and down her body hungrily.

“I… uh...wow.” Drake mumbled unable to form a coherent sentence.

“So, you like the dress?” He nodded.

“It's lovely Emma. Are you ready to address the crowd?” Liam and Emma addressed the crowd and told them that the water installation was an anonymous artist. They wandered through the exhibit themselves, stopping to discuss various paintings. They stopped at an abstract piece and everyone struggled to make sense of it, Drake and Emma, having had no training on the subject. As the others wandered through the gallery, Emma stopped next to Drake and followed his gaze to an “EXIT” sign with glowing green letters.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out the idea of modern art. Take this for example, it's just a sign that says exit, but what does it mean? Is it saying we all exit life eventually? Is it meant to be a warning?”

“Are you saying you want to get as far away from possible as me?” Emma teased, and Drake playfully rolled his eyes.

“As deep and profound as that was Drake, I think this is just an exit sign.” He frowned, and then sighed as a patron walked out the door just beneath it.

“Whatever.”

“Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.”

“Tell anyone what?” Maxwell appeared behind them silently making them both jump.

“Uuuh how great that painting is!” Emma pointed randomly at a painting. Maxwell smiled and delved into a story known as the Great Ketchup Incident of ‘96. Bertrand approached seemingly out of nowhere, the first time they had seen him in days, handling Beaumont house affairs. He was there only briefly, mentioned that Maxwell was helping with the affairs and then he was gone. Emma and Maxwell were concerned, on top of all his stress, he was trying to mend his relationship with Savannah and Bartie. Emma approached Joelle next, admiring the piece she had completed yesterday when they first met. They had a discussion about what her art meant and how it translated to what she and Hakim wanted for Cordonia. After they all regrouped, they left the art exhibit for the food, needless to say, Drake and Maxwell were quite excited.

All kinds of various smells wafted through the air, spicy, sweet, even sour, it was glorious. Instead of trying everything like Maxwell suggested, they wandered around to try everyone's favorites. Hana got everyone some ash-e reshteh, a Persian dish. It was a savory soup with beans and parsley, the flavors blending together well. Even Drake was impressed. Liam led everyone over to a colorful booth that smelled of various spices, getting everyone some chicken tagine. As everyone ate, Liam and Drake shared the story of how thanks to Leo, it became one of Liam's favorite dishes, sibling rivalry at its finest which escalated into a full blown prank war. Drake was eager to pick the next dish, feijoda. It was similar to chili, a mixture of beans and meat garnished with an orange slice. It was rich and salty with the pork and beef, very clearly a Drake dish. Instead of picking a food, Maxwell ran off, following the sounds of a live band. He wanted everyone to dance. Emma longed to dance with Drake, but with too many prying eyes she danced with Liam and watched as Kiara approached Drake and asked him to dance. Emma tensed up and watched as she wrapped her arms around his neck and swayed in time to the music, slowly getting closer to him. When the music stopped, Drake unhooked Kiara from him and walked over to his friends. Emma could feel her blood boiling, but she forced herself to smile and walk over to Olivia and Penelope on the edge of the crowd, Kiara rejoining them. They left to go get some cotton candy and the rest of the group began to leave until Drake pulled Emma back.

“I'm sorry.” He whispered. Emma nodded, she knew he couldn't have turned Kiara down without looking incredibly rude.

“Come here, there's one more thing I want to show you.” He led Emma to a freezer stand with an Italian flag. Gelato, it was Emma's favorite dessert, she had studied abroad in Florence for a semester in college and she became very familiar with the ice cream like treat. Drake ordered a chocolate gelato while Emma settled for a fruity raspberry. It was the perfect mixture of creamy and sweet, melting on their tongues.

“How is it?” Emma giggled as she got a brain freeze.

“The only thing that would make this better would be if I could kiss you right now.” Drake grinned mischievously and looked at Emma.

“I wish we weren't in public right now, the things I want to do to you.” He leaned in to whisper. Emma felt herself blushing as he stepped back. She seductively took a bite of ice cream, exaggerating how good it tasted, moaning.

“Keep it going until tonight Mr. Walker.” She winked just before they left the festival to catch up with their friends. On their way out, they ran into Hakim and Joelle. They were so impressed by Emma's willingness to step up that in return they agreed to attend her wedding. As they return to the estate, she couldn't stop thinking about how in love Hakim and Joelle still were after so many years together.

“What are you thinking about?” Emma looked at Drake unsure of how long he had been staring at her.

“Nothing.”

“Barnes I've been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes, you've got that look on your face, the one you get when you're lost in your own head.”

“I was thinking about Hakim and Joelle. Look how in love they still are with each other. Do you think you'll still love me that much, years from now?” Drake chuckled and carefully checked their surroundings before pulling Emma close to him.

“Barnes, I love you more and more every day. I think we're going to love each other even more than they do when we're their age.” Emma pulled Drake in for a tender kiss as he pulled her body flush against his dipping her down. When they stood up and he released her, she was light headed, her heart swelled.

“The real question is will you still love me that much.” She cupped his cheek and smiled.

“You're the only one for me Drake Walker.” Once back at the estate, Emma left to go find Liam to discuss what food from the festival they would serve at the wedding and Drake mentioned something about looking up movie times. She found Drake in the sitting room, lounging on a couch, he looked exhausted.

“Drake?” He didn't seem to hear her.

“Knock knock, anyone home?” She waved her hand in front of Drake's face and he blinked his eyes back into focus.

“Oh, hey Barnes. Sorry.”

“Everything okay?” he sighed.

“All this courtly stuff is suffocating. I thought it would be nice to get out, see a movie tonight, like normal people. Try to stay sane.”

“I feel like there's a ‘but’ coming.” Drake dragged his hand over his face and Emma knew it wasn't good.

“But Kiara cornered me, again.” Emma rolled her eyes, she was ready to kick Kiara out of court, tell her to stay home.

“What happened Drake?” Emma's tone was flat, and Drake flinched at the thought of having to tell her.

“I mentioned I was going to the movies and she invited herself.” Emma groaned before suddenly jumping off the couch.

“You did WHAT?!” Emma was furious, she wanted some alone time with Drake and Kiara kept getting in the way.

“She invited herself Barnes. It's not like I could say, actually I'm taking my best friend's fiancé out on a date.”

“Call a cab, I'll meet you outside in five minutes. We're leaving right now before she can crash.” Emma didn't give him a chance to answer, she dashed off to her room to change into a little black dress, casual enough for the movies.Even if he did have time to answer, he wasn’t going to protest, he thought Emma might kill him. Once they arrived, they settled on a spy thriller full of romance, it was that or a horror movie which wasn't exactly romantic when you couldn't cuddle in public. Drake bought the tickets and a large bucket of buttery popcorn.

“This is nice Barnes.” He scooped up some popcorn, ready to eat it but Emma snatched it out if his hands with her mouth playfully. Drake pretended to pout as he watched her eat his popcorn, but the corner of his lips twitched up into a grin.

“That's how you want to play it Barnes?” She giggled and scooped up some popcorn of her own, throwing it at Drake who tried to catch it, before she finished it. They laughed walking into the theatre together, unaware they had been spotted. Emma dragged him to the very back corner of the theatre and Drake frowned.

“What are we doing back here Barnes?”

“Getting the full movie experience. You'll see.” More people shuffled into the theatre, spread out across the seats. Finally, the lights dimmed, and the movie began playing. Drake was into the movie, but Emma had other things in mind. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about Drake kissing her on the way back from the festival, her imagination running wild. She placed her hand on Drake's thigh and slowly moved her hand up until she reached Drake's crotch. He gasped as she grabbed him, looking over at her surprised, she met him with a heated kiss. Drake fell into it and tangled his hands in her hair as Emma continued to rub over his jeans, feeling him grow hard. He moaned against her lips as she quietly undid his jeans and freed his hard length.

“Barnes what are you doing?” He hissed as her lips surrounded him. She began sucking, running her tongue up and down his shaft, teasing the tip with her tongue. Drake moaned a little too loudly and someone glanced back, Drake pretended to be watching the movie while Emma remained hidden behind the seats in front of her.

“You have to be quiet Drake.” She whispered before going back down on him, bobbing her head until he came, gripping the arm rests as he tried to stay quiet. Emma smiled, licking her lips as Drake tried to compose himself, tucking his dick back into his pants.

“What was that for?” Emma smiled mischievously and leaned in to whisper in his ear again.

“The full movie experience. What do you think the back row is for?” Drake shook his head grinning.

“We're not done Drake.” He turned to look at her surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to feel your fingers inside of me Drake.”

“Barnes.” Drake wanted nothing more than to please Emma but he had never done something like that in a room full of people before.

“Drake, if you want to sneak into my room tonight and make it out of this duchy alive, you'll do as I ask.” Her tone was threatening and his stare even.

"I took you on a real date, we almost got caught a couple seconds ago. Do we really need to do this Barnes?" He didn't need lots of light to see the look on her face. He wasn't going to make it out of the theatre alive if he protested, besides everyday he looked forward to sneaking into her room. He wasn't ready to give that up, and he had to admit that almost getting caught was kind of hot, the thrill of it. Emma surprised him again when she leaned back against the wall and put her legs up, grabbing Drake's hand and rubbing it between her legs. He stifled a gasp when he realized she wasn't wearing any underwear. Drake started slow, rubbing circles on her clit and then dragging his fingers between her lips to see if she was wet. Drake teased her entrance as she pushed her hips towards him, but he pulled away and began rubbing her clit again. He was going to have some fun with it, payback for almost getting them busted. Again, he teased her entrance which was dripping wet at this point.

“Drake.” She begged. He loved hearing her say his name. Finally, he slipped one finger inside her, she whispered, it wasn't enough, so he slipped another and began pumping, hitting her g-spot perfectly. He felt her hips buck forward and he knew she was close, so he pulled out and waited for a few seconds before teasing her clit, bringing her right to the edge again. She was breathing hard, trying not to be heard by anyone else. She met Drake's eyes with a pleading gaze. He slipped his fingers inside her and pumped until he felt her cum on him, her muscles spasming around his fingers. She watched, satisfied and worn out as he grabbed some popcorn and ate it before sucking her cum off his fingers. Emma pulled her skirt down and was scooting over to kiss Drake when the lights came on. She jumped back and looked around as everyone began leaving. The people in front of them, turned around to see who had been sitting behind them, to see if they could figure out why it sounded like Drake was moaning but they didn't look disheveled, so the people left.

“So how was your real movie experience?” Emma asked as they walked out, dumping the popcorn bucket on the way.

“I'd definitely do that again. What got into you though?”

“Kiara’s been all over you since we got here. I needed to know that you were still mine and I was still yours.” Drake felt a pang of guilt, he wanted nothing more than to push Kiara away, and kiss Emma in front of everyone like no one was watching, but he knew that could never happen. Dark thoughts about how this was going to work long term began to slip into his mind, of course he wanted it to work, he loved Emma, he would never love anyone again that much, but there would always be another Kiara.

“I told you earlier Em, you've got nothing to worry about.” They held hands in the taxi back to the estate, running into Liam on their way to her room. He didn't look pleased.

Tag List: @notoriouscs @brightpinkpeppercorn @ooo-barff-ooo @leelee10898 @princesstopgun @choicesyouplayandmore @sleepwalkingelite @roonarific   @indigo39 @skyila @speedyoperarascalparty @andy-loves-corgis @furiousherringoperatortoad @blackwidow2721 @drakewalkerfics @findingdrake @sue9659 @smritysriv @tmarie82 @larryssunflower @likethetailofacomet @zaffrenotes

[yarunaningen]

What are Viral's eating habits like? Regular? Sporadic? Is this healthy for him? What constitutes a snack, a meal, a feast?

🐾—Ah, a good question. Thank you, thank you. 

       Viral’s eating habits are interesting, because they are 100% UNNECESSARY.

     When the Spiral King granted the inquisitive young Beastman soldier the gift of immortality, Viral’s body was augmented beyond the limitations of his kind. He would no longer require the recuperative, death-like stasis that all Beastmen were required to undergo, in order to prevent their cellular structure from degrading. As his body regenerates and sustains itself, he no longer required food or rest - and initially, Viral believed this would allow him to fight indefinitely to overcome his Human opponents.   

   Well, a lot of things happened, but the takeaway here is that Viral’s culinary preferences are merely indulgences he makes for the sake of fellowship and palatability. 

What are Viral's eating habits like?

🚀—He values the camaraderie and companionable gatherings of mealtimes, even though the nutritive content doesn’t apply to him. He’d be more than pleased to attend any genial dining event. Even if he just indulges in a few bites, he enjoys the conversation (and sometimes, chaos) stemming from a gathering of comrades and new faces, alike. 

    In private, he doesn’t really bother with the consideration. 

Regular? Sporadic? 

☄—He’ll show up for any dining experience he’s invited to, tbh. If he’s working for twenty days straight before someone yanks on his sleeve - then it’ll be sporadic. But on his ship, mealtimes are scheduled to a large degree, and he attends them just to catch up with everyone, and spend some leisurely time with his friends and comrades. 

             It all depends on opportunity.    

Is this healthy for him? 

🤖—Viral is very well-acquainted with isolation. That doesn’t mean it’s good for him. The plentitude of interaction is just as valuable for Viral, as the nutritive content of a meal is for those partaking of it. Therefore, even though he can survive without eating, it’s better for his mental state if he gets to enjoy the company surrounding the concept. 

   However! On the subject of health - Viral CAN benefit from the nutritional value of whatever is prepared. Good stuff is still good for him! His body can make quick use of healthy minerals, vitamins, and calories. He can also experience the effects of certain foods and drinks, although if his body’s condition is lessened or if his performance is hindered, then his system will respond to the foreign effect like it was a malady of a sort, and it will correct the condition.    

What constitutes a snack, a meal, a feast?

🌠—A snack is something small, and it has to be cute. He has a real sweet-tooth. Anpan, pastries, and buns with sweet fillings in general are his snack calling. A tiny glimpse of his soft inner soul shines through I think, in his love of adorable cakes and frozen desserts.  

    A meal is any dining event where two or more are gathered in the spirit of recovery, relaxation, and delicious food. 

   Even when he was a young commander, he enjoyed the revelry of a good mealtime congregation.   

    A feast is a must-do for celebrations, special events, and holidays. For this, he’s borrowed a page from the Human members of the Dai-Gurren Dan, and now gives celebratory events their due consideration. A feast must feature at least one of every participant’s favorite dish, serve two or more kinds of drinks, and must feature desserts of at least three varieties. The type of dish and nature of the celebration can vary from a victorious enterprise, to a seasonal holiday of relevance to a crew member - it can be exceedingly formal, or a rowdy collection of scoundrels. The fact is, he really goes all out for feasts and banquets.  

BONUS ROUND: some trivia and extra datas on the subject!

►▶▶. He can still feel the effects of alcohol, albeit for a very short duration, before his body recovers its typical state of homeostasis. Inebriation usually lasts just long enough to make one potentially bad decision, before sobering.  ►▶▶. Caffeine is still a stimulant, and in controlled amounts, his body doesn’t interpret it as a malady, and so the effects linger for a reasonable duration. ►▶▶. Catnip. Does it work? IT DOES. To a limited effect: he experiences the human-oriented reaction of restfulness, lessened stress, relaxation, relief from headaches or tension. But, if he isn’t stressed or distressed, he experiences more of the euphoric effects due to the Tiger DNA in his genome; including light dizziness, impishness, unpredictable physical gestures of affection or playfulness, and dilated pupils. The effects, in either manifestation, only last about fifteen minutes.  

►▶▶. Viral can cook! And he enjoys it, for the most part. Having ventured beyond the soldiering staple of grilling everything he catches over an open flame, he’s actually a good study in the kitchen, and really, his finesse with blades, knives, and cleavers translates just fine to vegetables and fresh ingredients.   ►▶▶. Those who can’t tolerate spicy food are sometimes teased as having a ‘cat’s tongue’. Viral puts this idiom to work some, himself, as his tolerance for spicy things is pretty limited. He won’t drink liquid that is too hot, either, (even though his body would heal swiftly from the damage), and while he likes many many herbs and spices, too many at once can give him a headache, as his sense of smell is more acute than a Human’s.  

►▶▶. FAVORITE FOODS & FLAVORS!

↪ Fish. Fresh or saltwater. Prefers it grilled, not opposed to savory vegetables.↪ Strawberries. He’ll even make a tea from the leaves if he can. & Coconuts.↪ Sea Salt + Caramel or Chocolate, on rare, celebratory occasions.  ↪ Sweet cream, pudding, and fillings; he’s got a sweet tooth.

[mellicose]

Circular Logic

A Ten x Simm!Master fic for @sastmk 

Happy Holidays, I’m your @dwsecretsanta ! I’m sorry it took me so long, but this holiday season has been bananas. This was angst fluffy fluff with a bit of smut thrown in. This is a pairing I’ve been wanting to write for a while, so your prompt was a perfect excuse to take the plunge.

Note: I have a pretty set headcanon about Time Lord sex. [See my Doctor After Dark series for more clarification.] In a nutshell, Time Lords can really light the bedroom on fire when they get it on. They pretty much invented sexplosions.

I hope you enjoy, and Happy Wintermas to you!

The TARDIS ground out its discordant song.

The Time Lord who once called himself the Master was leafing through a book on Ba’enlavian history, a spirit race in the Qu’net star system. He found the book, not in the TARDIS library, but in the section of the TARDIS usually reserved for human companions. He had gone through all the rooms, one by one, cataloging. Researching. He was curious to know what the Doctor and the TARDIS saw in humanity that fascinated them so. But he couldn’t find anything compelling. He had ended his search in Martha’s room. The book he held in his hand had been on her bedside table.

There was a cardinal feather jammed in the section entitled Sexual Magicks and the Manipulation of the Sensual Mind.

Martha was a human, but she was clever enough to get an idea of how Time Lord sex might go. But, of course, she had still failed.

He chuckled and closed the book. As if he needed any instruction. He learned such manipulation eons ago, and used it to his advantage on many occasions. Back in Gallifrey, he had done much to know much. In fact, he and the Doctor had done much together, long before the Time Lady who became his wife wrested his attentions.

The Doctor. His Doctor, despite the feud that nearly tore apart several galaxies. No one knew why they despised each other so passionately. No one but them. They knew since they were children that they were twin souls, destined to spin around each other for as long as they lived. Even the Doctor’s wife felt there was a thread between them that not even his deep love for her could break.

She too had done much to know much, and she had used all her intellectual wiles to drive a wedge between them. And so the feud began, in the backdrop of the Time War. Their love had almost been more important than the imminent destruction.

Almost.

He thought back on how his Doctor looked then. Too tall, and slim as a blade of the red grasses that grew in his father’s fields. They had burned hundreds of kliks of field in their secret explorations, which started as vigorous intellectual discourse and ended with them naked, panting as the field burned around them, proof of their passion.

It was a sweet desolation. The smell of burning flora made him crave the feel of the Doctor’s twin hearts pounding against his, his mouth slick and sweet on his. His eyes squeezed shut and he arched on the jumpseat, awash in memories.

How many worlds did he burn, just for the scent? Then, the inhabitant’s suffering was nothing compared his his longing, which filled him with impotent rage.

Ten bested him, because he could no longer resist. His tears and gentle entreaty on that boardroom floor had proven too tempting, but there was a reason for it - Ten reminded him of who the Doctor was long before he called himself the Doctor. The young man in Gallifrey was also tall and lithe, with liquid brown eyes and a mouth that only the wisest of Time Ladies would know to envy.

Ten was his lover, regenerated. And despite the resentment, the anger, he did not want to push back the inevitable any longer. They were bound together. He felt the Doctor, and the Doctor felt him.Their’s was a promise that no other love could break.

The hard quill of cardinal feather crunched between his teeth and gave off a faint savory flavor.

He sat up and looked around. The console room was too silent, despite the hum of the TARDIS. He missed his voice, constantly rattling off a litany of facts with which he was already very familiar. When they first started traveling together, he was efficient enough to tell him. It didn’t stop him from doing it, so he had ceased saying it.

He knew that the Doctor was still in human companion mode. It bothered him.

He spit out the cardinal feather. It was a gristly red pool in his palm.

Theta.

He needed only to think it. He felt him stir, and respond, and knew where he was. He exhaled with irritation. It was the companion’s quarters.

He walked across the metal gangplank, and the TARDIS moved underneath his feet, taking him to the Doctor. His feet materialized to a winding staircase, and he ran down. Anger began to make his throat burn. The door at the bottom was open. The Doctor sat in the middle of a small room, holding a woman’s suede coat. He sighed loudly to get his attention.

“She saved the world,” the Doctor said softly, and pressed it to his chest.

“No she didn’t. You did,” Koschei said, walking next to him. He looked down on him. His full lower lip trembled, but it was not endearing. It was infuriating.

“Why haven’t you put this in with the rest of the detritus?” he said, trying to suppress his anger. 

“Martha. She was so brilliant - dead brilliant, you saw - but I treated her so coldly.”

Koschei shrugged. “She might’ve just as well been in love with the Sun,” he said. He buried his hand in the Doctor’s thick brown hair. His fury dimmed to indignation. “Don’t they know they’re not made from the same stuff as we are?”

The Doctor looked up at him. His eyes were filled with tears. His fists clenched.

“Why do you cry for her? What did she do for you?”

The Doctor simply had to think of the incident with the family of blood, and Koschei’s eyes widened.

“How did I not know of this?” he said, and dropped down beside him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“So much has happened,” he said softly. “I can barely process it all in a coherent time line to share with you.”

“You were always a bit slower on the uptake,” Koschei said, but the corners of his mouth twitched to smile.

“Sure. That’s what I wanted you to think,” the Doctor said. “For a while, it worked.”

“You’re far too kind to be my level of clever,” Koschei said, looking down at him. He caressed the back of the Doctor’s neck.

“Keep thinking that,” the Doctor said, gently tugging at his wrist and walking out of the room. When he touched him, he clearly saw his thoughts. There was flashing lights, a hole in this universe to another and fading pink and yellow.

Jealousy made Koschei’s smile twist into a snarl, but his pride made him refrain from lashing out. He walked out calmly behind him and followed him to their bedroom. Triple suns, two orange and one glowing lavender, burned in the arching ceiling above them. They spun slowly around each other, tense.

“Why did you really beg me to regenerate?” Koschei said. His voice was low, but dripping with venom.

“Because then, I thought we were the only ones left.”

“Fitting it would be you, and I. Chasing each other in all of time and space like maiden flies,” he said. It was an insect indigenous to their planet, dragonfly-like creatures who, once they found a mate, would always fly in tandem, circling and tumbling blindly around each other until the moment they died.

“Someone had to clean up the mess you made,” the Doctor said.

Koschei waved his hand dismissively. The Doctor’s eyes widened, then grew sleepy. He dropped Martha’s coat, then took off his own. He threw it on a nearby chair and sat on the bed. 

“Would it have mattered, though? Really?”

“Hmmm?” The Doctor kicked off his beat up sneakers and wiggled his bare toes. Koschei hated them. He adored Ten, but much preferred Three’s sense of style. “What?”

He kicked off his italian leather loafers and sat beside him. “Whether we were truly the last of the Time Lords? Would you have begged less pitifully?”

The Doctor’s mouth moved, but nothing came out.

Koschei lay back on the bed. “All those years, chasing after each other. Scheming. Burning-“ he swallowed hard, “-Fighting. Did you ever miss how things were, before?”

The Doctor lay beside him. Koschei took a deep breath to calm himself. The Doctor’s honey-scented furnace warmth could set him off in microseconds.

“I tried every time to talk to you. I didn’t want to fight. But you wouldn’t listen. Don’t you remember?” the Doctor said, putting his hand on Koschei’s belly.

“All I remember is how many times we met on Earth. And how you valued their lives over yours. Over us. Why them? I don’t understand it. I despised your wife, but at least we agreed about that. You spent far too much time there. It nearly rotted your good sense.”

The Doctor sat up and stared at him.

“Don’t look at me like that. The human race relies too much on emotion, and you followed suit too easily.  By this regeneration, it nearly tore you to pieces. Admit it.”

“You were there, Koschei,” the Doctor said. His brows rose with entreaty. “The human race’s empathy saved me after you nearly killed me. Furthermore, it saved you, regardless of what you did. How could you act like you can’t see it? It’s obtuse!”

“Why must you always mention that?” he said petulantly.

“Because it happened. You nearly sucked out all my life force.”

“It wasn’t a good period for me. And I was furious.”

“You were always furious!” The Doctor jumped to his feet.

“Because you were always one step ahead of me!” Koschei yelled. “They loved you. Without hypnosis. Without coersion. Every living soul loved you, and it made me want to burn the whole world even more! Not only Earth, but all of them. Any world you left your mark, any place where they spoke your name with affection or reverence. I would see each and every one atomized before being tortured with it any longer!”

He panted, and tears finally made his vision blur. He wiped them away viciously. He stood up. His mouth was twisted with emotion, and his eyes burned blue-hot.

“You were so eager to save. Everyone. Everything…” his head shook slowly, and a tear dripped off his nose. He hiccuped. “You wanted to be a hero. You always did, despite acting reluctant about it so many times. Even when we were young...” he said, referring to bully, a body, and an unmarked grave in the fields of desolation.

The Doctor watched him, his eyes rimmed in empathetic tears.

“You ran away,” Koschei said, “on this unregulated ancient thing-“ The TARDIS disapproved, temporarily interrupting the image of the three suns of Q’unet in protest - “and left us to lose the war alone.” He jabbed at the air in his anger.

The Doctor shrugged. “What I needed to do, I needed to do alone. Even my wife knew that.”

“I don’t care about your wife! Or your children, or your grandchildren! What about the promises you made to me?” His neck muscles strained in his passion. “You left me there to die.”

“But you didn’t,” the Doctor said. It was strangely callous.

Koschei barked a laugh. “You needed to be a hero. Your ego demanded it. And I gave it to you. Every single time.”

The Doctor’s face twitched.

Koschei sat hard on the bed. “Every world. Every villainous alien race, intent on destruction. All a game of galactic Risk I always let you win. Well, nearly always. Some people had to die to make sure the rest stayed afraid.”

The Doctor blinked. “What?” He could not grasp the meaning.

Now, Koschei shrugged. “You have this insatiable need to save. I have an insatiable need for you. To keep you near while you ran, I had to do something to engage you.”

“But … all those worlds. Those stars. Obliterated. By you.”

“And sometimes, after years of losing sight of you, the smoke brought you back, did it not?” he said.

“Those lives. Extinguished. For an overglorified smoke signal?”

“Primitive races all,” Koschei said.

The Doctor cursed in Gallifreyan. Koschei gasped. He never cursed.

“You killed … for me?” His voice was strangled with anger.

“I would burn a thousand galaxies to see you again,” Koschei said. He looked down at the Doctor’s horrible shoes and his hearts lurched with desire. “Even twisted in anger and hurt. Even though you refused to see why I did it. You were always so damn single-minded. That’s why you’re so terrible at chess.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“You left. Without saying good bye.”

“You voted to burn all of Gallifrey to obliterate the Daleks at the High Council!”

“So did you!” Koschei yelled back, frustrated.

“But I didn’t mean it,” the Doctor said weakly.

“Yes you did,” he said.

“No I didn’t,” the Doctor said. “My wife. She was one of the engineers of the Time Lock. I knew she was going to do it before the vote.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Koschei said.

“Because you would’ve been furious, and stayed and tried to stop it.”

The Doctor knew about the Time Lock. To deploy it, his wife had to remain on Gallifrey. They both knew that they would not see each other again. But they had done it all the same. And the Doctor, his closest confidant and long-time lover, had not told Koschei. Because he knew how he would react. And he wanted him to find out about his flight, and follow him.

Because he was the one he could not live without. Only him.

“Still think I’m bad at chess?” the Doctor said, daring to touch Koschei’s cheek.

He was speechless.

“What I feel for you cannot deign to call itself something as superficial as love, yet you can’t read me as well as you think you can. You never needed to do what you did to keep me near. That was my argument, every time. I chose you. In the one time that really mattered, and so many times after. Even when you broke my hearts …” he loosened his tie and threw it on the bed. “It was you I wanted to save most. Not for some altruistic reason, but for myself.”

Koschei pulled the Doctor to him and hugged his hips, rubbing his face against his flat belly. He had done much mischief. Not only for attention, but for pleasure. But only this one creature, in all the beings in this universe and the universes beyond, could make him both soft and hard. Could both arouse, and stay his hand.

The Doctor ran his fingers through his blond hair. The air in the bedroom was heating up. He looked up at him, and the Doctor’s eyes were glowing ochre. He rubbed his thumb along Koschei’s narrow lower lip and sighed at his warmth.

“Take it off,” Koschei said, clawing at the cloth as it began to pop and hiss with their shared heat. He was gasping with need. His hands moved over his body and the Doctor tugged everything off. He tried to pull him to standing in an embrace, but Koschei pulled him into bed. He ghosted his lips over the Doctor’s taking in his precious breath, but he did not kiss. The doctor grabbed at his waist, eager to press their hips together, but he straddled him and sat on him. He tried to buck into him, but Kochei pushed him down firmly.

“Be still,” he said. He felt the Doctor’s hardness press deliciously into his ass, but he resisted the urge to grind. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it from his pants. The Doctor tried to sit up to kiss, but again, Koschei gently pushed him down. He liked it best this way. After hundreds of years of longing disguised as hate, he still liked to pique his appetite by taking him in - every glorious feature. He moved down his body and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down slowly. He loved his long slim legs, his temptingly narrow hips. Long and slim, fragile and tender, but the Doctor possessed a power that made his hair stand on end when he touched him.

The Doctor unbuttoned his shirt, grew impatient, and tore it off. He wanted nothing in the way of Koschei’s gaze. How many years had he secretly craved it? How many tears had he cried when, instead, the Master looked at him with cold anger? How could he have known it was … jealousy?

Koschei took the rest of his clothes off, and they moved to the center of the bed. Koschei’s hand moved from the Doctor’s hip and up to his chest, right between his hearts. Flame traced his palm to his chest. The look on the Doctor’s face, unfathomable desire, made him want to erase all that came after. He wanted to be young again, sneaking off into the fields with nothing but the endless grasses and the gold sky above …

The ceiling flashed again, and Koschei gasped. Even after all this time, Theta’s ability to read his desires felt like a miracle.

“Do you remember the first time?” the Doctor panted as Koschei’s hand moved between his legs and began to stroke. His red-hot palm made his hardness glow like a roman candle.

“Microparticle physics,” Koschei muttered into his neck. “You were always such a dunce at it.” The Doctor tensed. Koschei snickered as his lips moved up the Doctor’s neck.

“I passed that test!”

“Barely. You still can’t grasp the subtleties of antimatter dynamics. That’s why you followed me into that field. You were begging for tutoring.” He squeezed him, and the Doctor gasped and arched.

He pumped himself into Koschei’s fist. Their timelines began to materialize around them like golden cages. “I distinctly remember … I was not the one begging on that day,” the Doctor said, and rolled on top of him. He straddled Koschei, and looking at the Doctor’s flushed, smiling face set against the skies of home made him want to weep. He was right. It had been him to beg Theta to go faster, and deeper.

The Doctor begged him on Earth, but he begged first. For all of him. Forever.

Although they had played long before that hot afternoon in the redgrass fields, it was the first time they achieved a higher-level joining. They had burned their robes to ash, and it was the first time they had been able to see into each other’s minds. Their passion had caused an explosion that surprised them both, and startled the farmers on whose fallow field they made love.

“How much did you pay them for their discretion?” the Doctor said and they rose slowly off the bed. Ghost flame began to flicker and dance around them as they rubbed their limbs together.

“Far, far more that they asked for,” Koschei said, grabbing the Doctor’s ass and pressing his hips to his, “and far less than that time with you was worth.”

Their kisses grew deeper, and now the golden cages around them began to weave together. In these moments they could see not only into each other’s minds, but into each other’s souls. Although there was a lot of violence in Koschei’s timeline, the Doctor felt the undercurrent of longing, and loneliness. And every time they joined, he ached to remind him that he was no longer alone.

“You knew first,” the Doctor said, as he spooned Koschei’s muscular, compact body in his. He wrapped one arm around his waist while stroking him with the other hand. “My name. Before my wife.”

“And you knew mine.Your hand was made for this,” Koschei said, and turned to offer his mouth. Beads of sweat shone like diamonds on his skin.

“For you? Yes,” the Doctor said, and kissed his temple. He loved the prickle of Koschei’s day-old beard, and he rubbed his lips against his cheek, closer and closer to his moaning mouth. “But what about my other parts?” He pumped into his sweat-slick cleft. He felt his pinpoint of intensest heat - his entrance - and grunted. He wanted to make love properly, feel him physically, but it was too shallow an act.

“You were so beautiful,” the Doctor said, as his timelines moved faster and faster around them both. Koschei’s lines trembled around the Doctor’s, matching velocity. “I didn’t know until that day …” He slid into him, and Koschei gasped. He was red hot and going blue. He burned deep inside with the Doctor’s desire. They moved quickly together, the Doctor thrusting, and stroking, and caressing. Koschei reached back to caress him, his eyes closed with ecstasy.

His hands. His cock. His body. His hearts. His timelines. He wanted to feel them all, and forget himself.

“I saw you loved me,” the Doctor said in his ear. His body hummed against his like a black matter engine, silent but powerful.

“I love you still,” Koschei said, and vibrated to dancing embers. The Doctor cried out, and did the same. The embers - memories, distilled soul - danced around each other, spun faster and faster as they gathered the power to join. They saw each other, completely, and wanted nothing more than to be one. Their embers gathered into a sweeping column of light that swirled to the ceiling. The room began to roar with their combined heat. Every collision was pleasure beyond orgasm. And there were billions of them. It was raw passion, and something no human could understand, fulfill, or survive. Their timelines pulsed, harder and harder, wove tighter, grew brighter, until they were one.

Their column of shared soul exploded to a supernova of blue flame that made the TARDIS groan in sympathetic pleasure. After,  there were no sighs, no grunts, just silence as they molecules glued themselves back together into the figures of two men. The bed was ash, their clothes, and the suede coat the Doctor had been holding. Nothing was left, but their bodies, tangled and sweaty on the Doctor’s bedroom floor.

“I know why you did it,” Koschei said softly, running his finger along the Doctor’s freckled shoulder. Finally, their joining had been so intense that he felt why the Doctor chose humans above the hundreds of millions of other sentient races. He could never ever join with a human the way he could with another being from the Gallifreyan star system. And that star system was gone.  He was all that was left.

It was a fail safe.

He could love a human, and he did - deeply - but it would never be like their love. It couldn’t. What the Doctor said earlier about his flight from Gallifrey rang deeper now. He ran, but knew that the Master would follow. Because he had to - they were bound together, not only by feelings, but by soul. They were all they had in the universe.

“You allowed to me think I knew more than you,” he said. “Why?”

“Because I knew better,” the Doctor said, kissing him silent.

[clevercatchphrase]

You Monster Chpt. 30

Click Here To Read On AO3! Chapters:[First][Previous][Next] Notes: I’ve been writing this for over 2 years now, god damn. (also I so badly wanted this out by Christmas but I got the flu instead, waa waaaa)

The remaining the trip to the elevator is made without incident, and the monster and child board without hesitation. Once inside Alphys does an about face and pushes the top button on the level select. Beside her the human leans against the wall and exhales with relief as the lift rumbles and gently begins to rise.

The scientist nervously taps her fingers and steals a side long glance at them. Guilt itches at her scales as she watches them take a moment’s respite, knowing it wouldn’t last much longer. If her timing was right, the elevator would malfunction in three… two… one…

With an ominous buzz, the lights overhead flicker and die, followed by the elevator lurching to a complete stop. An alarm symbol flashes red among all the buttons by the side of the door and a distress signal cries out for help.

The human looks at Alphys too petrified to speak as they brace themselves against the wall. Their expression says everything their throat cannot as they give her a terrified look. Alphys does her best to feign ignorance as she pretends to inspect the controls.

“Uh-oh. I-I th-think the e-elevator’s been sabotaged!”

“Does that mean we’re stuck in here?”

“P-possibly. B-but! Before we panic, let’s see if we c-can pry the doors open!”

The human nods and bravely straightens up away from their corner. On shaking knees, they move beside the scientist, wedge their fingers into the seal, and grip one side of the door while Alphys gets the other.

“On three?”

“Yeah. Ready?”

“R-ready! One!”

“Two!”

“Three!”

With a mighty heave, the two monsters pull against the doors with all their strength. The metal resists at first, groaning and complaining until it finally gives in and opens just wide enough for both occupants to squeeze through.

“G-great job! Please, after you!”

The human slips through the crack and Alphys follows suit, wiggling through the tight squeeze. She practically pops out the other side and face plants on the ground. The human falls to their knees at her side.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” Alphys assures them, brushing red dirt off her lab coat and adjusting her glasses. She turns back to the elevator.

“Hmm. ‘R2’,” She reads the lettering overhead. “Dangit. We only went up one floor. We need to go up one more.”

“Is there any way to fix it?” the kid asks, biting their lower lip.

“Oh certainly, but from the looks of it, it would take me a couple hours to repair. Maybe even a whole day.” Alphys pushes the call lift button to experiment. The ‘up’ button buzzes disapprovingly when pressed, but the ‘down’ button readily complies with a pleasant ding.

“Hm. Looks like it will still go down from here. Just not up. But never fear! Th-there are multiple elevators around Hotland for this very reason! W-we can take the west wing elevator up to the capital instead! I-i-it’ll be a bit of a walk, but anything is faster than waiting around until this gets fixed.”

The human sighs and gives her a little nod, and together the pair head west.

The resume their walk in silence, the human in front and the scientist slightly behind, just as before. At first the human seems sullen about having to take a detour, but before long they become absorbed with the architecture around them, aweing at the multiple platforms suspended in the air like crisscrossing hammocks, or raised up like aqueducts. A couple of times they dare to peak over the edge to get a look at the islands now far below and gawk at the volcano’s geology. From up here it’s easy to see that Hotland is not just built over one bubbling pit of lava, but several, each contained in its own valley surrounded by smaller mountain ranges of brimstone that obscure one’s view from the others. Dumbfounded by Hotland’s true size, it’s not long before the human skirts back to the center of the path. Alphys suppresses a snort at their childlike wonder and pulls out her note book to jot down her observations while they are distracted.

“Highly… inquisitive nature… expresses strong…. spatial awareness… of body and… understanding… of potential…. safety…. hazards. Done.

“Oh!”

Alphys looks up from her note book at the human’s sudden interjection. They’re studying something off in the distance. Following their line of sight, Alphys tries to pin point what they’re looking at. Squinting through her glasses, she thinks she can just make out the brown and white roof of a very familiar, and highly illicit, hotdog stand.

And someone appears to be working the register.

The two close in on the business without taking their eyes off of it. It seems Alphys and her examinee aren’t the only ones who noticed that the concession was open. The platform around them widens into the size of a plaza, and a sizeable crowd stands in front of the counter in a sloppy, snaking line. Quite a few individuals sit on the edge of the platform, eating their purchases with their legs dangling off the ledge.

Alphys and the human stop a ways off and just watch as the line inches forward. Sans is working behind the counter, which surprises Alphys for more than one reason. Well, okay, maybe “working” isn’t the most accurate word. He’s leaning back in his chair with his feet on the counter and sleep mask over his eye sockets. On one side of the counter is a large glass jar with “Hotdogs! 30G ea. (Max purchase limit = 30 per customer)”written on the glass in black sharpie, and on the other side of the counter is a pyramid of the tin foil-wrapped entrées.

By some sixth sense of awareness (or maybe he wasn’t really asleep at all) Sans lifts one corner of his sleep mask off his face and focuses in on the two with the soft light of his eye.

“Hey there, kiddo. Alphys.”

“Hey Sans,” the kid says neutrally. “You know Alphys?”

“Sure do, buddy,” the skeleton says, straightening up. "Alphys is probably just as famous as the king himself. Plus we used to work together as lab partners. But that’s not important. Nice to see you out of your lab for once, Al. What brings you around these parts?”

“I-I-I’m escorting our friend here to the capital,” Alphys says nervously, putting her notebook back in her backpack as inconspicuously as possible.

“Oh? You’re taking the long way?” Sans asks.

“We had some elevator problems,” Alphys counters.

“Yeah, that robot Mettaton keeps trying to get in our way,” The human says. “But what are you doing here in Hotland, Sans?”

“I work here,” Sans says bluntly.

“I thought you were a sentry in Snowdin.”

“What? Never seen a guy with two jobs before?” Sans teases. “Say. It’s getting close to noon, which means it’s getting close to lunch. You guys hungry?”

Upon hearing the word “lunch” the human’s stomach audibly rumbles. All eyes turn towards them and they blush a bright red.

“You know, now that I think about it, I didn’t have breakfast.” They laugh sheepishly. “I came straight from Waterfall to here. I am really hungry.”

“Well, that’s good ‘cause I really gotta sell these hotdogs,” Sans says. “I can’t leave until I get rid of my entire stock. So what’ll you have?”

The kid shrugs. “What do you got?”

“Well,” Sans grunts, leaning forward over the counter. “I’ve got your classic ‘dogs, and your fan favorite franks, both of which are thirty gold by the way. Oh, and I’ve got this sweet new deal if you buy the bun for fifteen gold, you get the hotdog for only fifteen gold as well. Take your pick.”

The kid snorts and tries to keep from smiling. “Well, I’ve never had a hotdog at all before. What do you recommend?”

“Never had a hotdog? Buddy, that’s a crime in some places. Here, I’ll give you your first two ‘dogs on the house. You too, Alphys. Here.” The skeleton hands the two traveling partners two wrapped packages each.

“I suggest trying this one first,” he says to the kid, tapping one of the wrappers indistinguishable from the other. “It’s my new vegan option. No monster magic used in this product.”

“Wow, thanks, Sans.” The human smiles, and opens the entrée.

The bun looks fluffy, warm and is a beautiful golden brown, while the meat smells savory with spices Alphys can’t identify. It really does look delicious, but she holds off on eating her own, wanting to see the human’s reaction first in case she wanted to write it down. Taking a deep breath, the human turns the hot dog’s narrow end towards their mouth and bites down without a second thought.

Immediately she can tell they regret all their life’s choices.

The “hotdog” filling explodes into white cotton the instant it comes in contact with their teeth and they choke, sputtering and spitting as they cough out hundreds of fluffy seeds. Beside them, the pair hears boisterous laughter and Alphys angrily glares at Sans, only to find him absolutely losing it.

“Sans! What is this?” the kid sputters, vainly trying to clean their tongue off with their sleeve.

“Oh, the middle bit? That’s a water sausage. What d’ya think?”

“Water sausage?” Alphys echoes. “Like the cattail water sausage?”

“Yup. Locally grown too.”

“Sans those aren’t edible! They’re seed pods!”

“Oh, really? And here I thought they were just jam packed with mini flavor explosions. No worries, though. I can give you a full refund if you don’t like it.”

The child narrows their eyes and gives him an exasperated glare.

“You knew that would happen, didn’t you?” They interrogate him. “Are the others booby trapped as well?”

“Ha ha, no, just the one,” Sans promises. “All the others are made of tofu.”

The kid inspects their next hotdog with scrutiny, and Alphys does too, carefully poking at the sausage for any sign of a potential explosion. When their remaining hotdog fails to detonate, they deem it safe and take a tentative bite and Alphys follows. The flavor is amazing. She can’t remember ever having something so savory in her life. No wonder so many call San’s hotdog stand illegal. Food this good should be a crime.

The kid finishes their hotdog in four bites, then, reaching into their pocket, scoop out a handful of gold and slam it on the counter.

“Give me another!” they demand.

“Sure thing, kid.” Sans says and passes them another wrapped package. “But mind if I ask you to not eat this one in front of my stand? I gotta move this line along.”

“Okay,” The human says, swiping the hotdog off the counter. “Alphys, I’m gonna find a place to sit.”

“D-don’t go far!” Alphys calls after them as they begin to move away through the crowd. She watches them until she sees them find a spot on the edge to sit and eat amongst the other patrons before Sans makes a throat clearing noise to get her attention.

“Alphys, I thought you were gonna slow the kid down, not personally escort them to their execution.”

“I-I-I never made such an agreement,” Alphys says defensively. “I only said I wanted to study them. And you won’t believe how much I’ve already learned! Humans are nothing like the ones in anime! And they’re certainly not as one note as our history makes them out to be. Even this one is so much more complex!”

“Kind of like us monsters, huh?”

“Hm, I wouldn’t go that far. I would need more observational data before I make a claim like that.”

“Alphys, are you really going to go through with this?” Sans changes the subject.

Alphys dares to look at him, expecting to find him ready to chew her out, but his expression is neither angry nor scolding. Instead, it’s rather sad in the way his shoulders sag and how the light in his eyes blur just a bit when he tilts his head to a certain degree. It was uncanny how such a rigid face could convey so much emotion.

“I… w-w-whatever happens, happens, Sans.” Alphys stutters. “I’ve already promised them I’d see them to Asgore, a-and they trust me. I-it feels good to have someone believe in me.”

“Yeah, I bet they’ll thank you when Asgore runs a trident through their middle.” He snorts sarcastically.

“Sans, that’s not fair and you know it!” The reptilian monster scolds. “It’s my job as the royal scientist to find a way to make monsters strong enough to break the barrier, and studying a human would help me with that!”

“Alphys, you keep saying that, and yet your actions and motives don’t line up,” Sans argues. “If you just take the kid straight to Asgore, then the king would have seven souls, which is enough to break the barrier, so there’s no point in studying them when you know that research won’t be of any use. And if you really wanted to study them so meticulously, why lead them through Hotland at all? Who are you really trying to help? The kid? Monster kind? Your own ego?”

“Why I-! What do you mean by that?” Alphys says with hackles rising and sweat beading on her brow. “Of course I’m trying to help monster kind! But can’t I pretend to be helping the human too? At least I didn’t lie directly to their face like you did!”

“Oh, and what you’re now doing isn’t lying?” Sans challenges.

Alphys is about to make a retort when her companion’s voice interrupts them.

“Sans, can I get two more hotdogs? I want some incase I get hungry on the way back to the ruins.”

“No problem, buddy,” Sans happily complies, his attitude instantly shifting to hide is bitterness. “Hey, good timing. These are my last two.”

“Thanks!” The human says, slipping the hotdogs into their sleeves.

Sans gives Alphys a sour look when the kid turns away. “Just… ask yourself if you really are helping anyone, or if you’re just doing work to look busy.”

Insulted but unwilling to raise her voice with the human so close, Alphys turns away in a huff. All around them, other monsters steadily thin out as their lunch hour ends and they begin to make their way back to work or to school. Through the dissipating crowd she spies two armed figures headed her way, and immediately all her anger at her former colleague drains away.

Two of the royal guards were coming.

Oh crap.

“Sans,” Alphys gasps, absentmindedly placing one hand on the skeleton’s sleeve. The tension in her fingers is enough to relay to him her trepidation and plea for help. There’s no time for words or explanation, and any previous grudges are temporarily put on hold as both monsters scramble into action.

“Oh, hey, kid. I have a favor to ask you,” Sans says to the human to get their focus. “Now that I’m sold out of hotdogs, I should get back to my sentry station, but before I do that I, uh, need to organize all the condiment packets. Do you and Alphys mind helping me sort them out?”

“We’d be happy too!” Alphys decides for them both a little too eagerly. She grabs the kid’s arm and leads them behind the register just before the guards can spot them.

“Great, they’re all back here under the counter.” Sans says, frantically motioning to Alphys to get the kid under the counter where a mountain of ketchup, mustard and relish packets lay in a jumbled pile. “Thanks guys,” Sans exhales as they begin to sort the condiments just as the guards reach the stand.

“Sans!” the first guard says to the skeleton.

“Oh, hey guys. What can I do for you?”

“Hey Sans! We’ve been trying to get to your stand for almost an hour! All the elevators are, like, completely wonky right now though. It took us forever to find a way through! But now that we’re here, we’ll just have our usual two hotdogs!”

“Oh, geez. Sorry fellas,” sans says sincerely. “I just sold my last two.”

“What! Nooo!” the first guard wails, falling to his knees in despair. Alphys pauses her sorting and peaks her head just over the edge of the counter to keep an eye on the guard’s positions. Through his helmet, she can see two white rabbit ears sag in defeat. “Aw man, why’d the elevators have to break on today of all days? I’m sorry, 02.”

“It’s okay, 01. These things happen. It’s not your fault the elevators broke.” The second guard says, placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. Only his green dragon fins poke out through his helmet. “I hear the MTT emporium does take out deliveries now. We can order that for lunch.”

“But getting a hotdog each day was our thing, dude! We can’t break tradition! Especially not today, because I was gonna-”

“Hm?” 02 hums.

“…never mind…” 01’s rabbit ears droop as his companion moves to the side and pulls out his cellphone to place his order. Alphys watches the two separate and turn away from the concession stand. She and Sans both exhale in relief. Thank God. They didn’t notice her or the human. Now would be her chance to slip away undetected.

“H-hey, w-we should get going,” She says to the kid, only to realize a moment later they’re not under the counter anymore. Looking around in a panic, she nearly faints when she catches sight of the child tiptoeing up to the first guard from behind.

So much for keeping them hidden from the guards.

Alphys screams internally, not daring to blink. If she runs up to them now, her cover will be blown and the guards will arrest her for treason for sure. Frozen in fear, she can only watch and listen.

“Um, pardon me,” the human speaks up, approaching 01 tentatively. “Do you need help?”

“Aww, I appreciate the concern little bro, but I don’t need any help. Helping other is MY job. It’s what we royal guards are trained to do!”

“I meant with your boyfriend.”

“Woah! What? Who? 02? Pssh! He’s not my boyfriend!” 01 sweats nervously. “Though… though it’s a nice thought if he wanted to be. Unfortunately he doesn’t even know how I feel.”

“He doesn’t? Why haven’t you told him?”

“I was gonna!” 01 explains. “I had it all planned out perfectly, too. I was gonna buy us each a hotdog and we were gonna sit and watch the core together. Then I was gonna take a bite of my hotdog and say ‘Man, this ‘dog’s amazing. But you know what’s even more amazing, bro?’ and then 02 was gonna say ‘what?’ and then I was gonna say ‘you, bro.’”

Even at a distance, Alphys can tell the human has to fight back “aww”ing at the cute mental image of such a sweet and corny confession.

“I’ve been trying to say it for days, but every time 02 asks ‘what’, I chicken out and say something stupid, like ‘this view is amazing’, or ‘this weather’s been amazing.’ We don’t even have weather here. But 02 plays along anyways because he’s a good sport. He probably thinks I’m an idiot.”

“You’ve been trying to say this for weeks?” the human asks.

“Yeah! And today it really was going to be different because today is the one year anniversary since we became royal guards. It was gonna be perfect, but now I’ve missed my chance. I don’t think I’ll have the nerve to try this again until next year.”

“I’m sorry you missed your chance at the hotdog stand,” the kid says empathetically, and pulls out their spare hotdogs. “But today still is your anniversary, and I’ve got two extra hot dogs if you want them.”

“Woah! Little bro, are you serious? I couldn’t possibly take your hotdogs from you. 02 might think I stole them from you.”

“It’s okay. I was gonna save them for later, but it looks like you need them more now than I do.” The human firmly paces the wrapped packages in the guard’s gloved hand. 01 stares at it like he’s been given a priceless diamond.

“Thanks little bro… but what if he says no? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“What if he does and he’s just scared to admit it as well?”

01 seems to ponder this possibility.

“Isn’t it better to have a definite answer than to spend your whole life wondering? And even if he does say no, that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends.”

“O-okay. I’ll try. For you, little bro.”

Gently taking the hotdogs, 01 stands and turns towards the bench where 02 is seated. The guard inhales then exhales before boldly marching over to the bench while the human stand behinds him silently rooting him on.

“H-hey bro! Great news! I got us two hotdogs!”

“Oh? Did the concession have an extra in stock after all?”

“Y-yeah! Boy did we luck ou-!” Like a scene from a bad comedy, the first royal guard stumbles on the path, falling forward and launching one of the hotdogs into the air which goes sailing over the edge of the platform down into the lava below. The child covers their eyes, unable to look. Alphys flinches at the bad luck.

“Oh no… I’m so sorry dude… I… here, you can have my hotdog instead.”

“But 01, what will you have?”

“Nah, I’m fine bro. Don’t worry about me. I’ve skipped lunch before. Besides, I’d never want to see my best buddy go hungry!”

“01, I couldn’t possibly do that. How about we split the hotdog. It may not be much, but at least we’ll both get something.”

“Stellar idea dude! Man, 02, you’re a genius. This is, like, why I love you, man!”

There’s a moments pause. 01’s ears spring straight up and turn a faint pink hue as he blushes under his fur.

“Uh… I-I mean, like, this is why I love y-you as my partner! You always come up with great ideas. Yep, you’re definitely the brains between the two of us. Ha ha! I had a brain fart for a minute there! I don’t love you like that! I-I mean, well, I do love you, but like, platonically? Ha ha, what am I even saying? Don’t listen to me bro. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say any more.”

“01…”

“Y-yeah, bro?”

“How about… after we split this hotdog, perhaps we can go get some ice cream as well? It is our one year anniversary of becoming official royal guards. You didn’t forget, did you?”

“O-of course I remember bro! How could I forget? Getting ice cream sounds great! Let’s do it!”

02 stands up from the bench and extends his hand. It takes a beat, but when 01 finally understands the invitation he readily grasps it, lacing his fingers through his companion’s before walking off to resume their rounds. Before they’re out of sight, 01 looks back over his shoulder and gives the kid a triumphant thumbs up. The human turns back smiling at Alphys and Sans.

“Wow, kid. I didn’t know you were a match maker,” Sans speaks up.

The kid puffs out their chest a bit and stands a little taller. “Oh, that? That’s nothing. I’ve hooked up more Loox and Froggits than I can count back home. I’ve even found dates for every shy Whimsun and antisocial Migosp.”

“Impressive,” Alphys says finally coming out from behind the counter. She’s genuinely surprised at how well they handled the situation, but that’s enough close calls for her for one day. “But it’s about time we get going, d-don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Let’s get moving before Mettaton shows up again. See you around, Sans!” The kid says waving goodbye.

“Take care, bucko,” Sans sighs. “And Alphys? Don’t do anything you think you’ll regret later.”

Alphys opens her mouth, but no words come out. Instead she clicks her teeth shut and swallows before turning away without looking back.

The human forges ahead with renewed vigor after a good lunch and a good deed, but Alphys is lagging behind.

Despite how hard she tries to shake them, Sans’ words keep buzzing in her head.

”Who are you really trying to help? The kid? Monster kind? Your own ego?”

“Both,” She tells herself under her breath. “It’s both. Even if it’s small, even if it’s temporary, it’s going to make up for all the terrible mistakes I’ve made in the past.”

She repeats the words until they sound true in her ears, but underneath it all, she can’t ignore the fact that the roots of these statements come from lies.

The scientist grinds her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut in frustration. So what if they came from lies? She’s lied before in the past. No doubt she’ll be lying about something again in the future. What was one more lie on the pile now?

But then she sees the child’s face in her mind’s eye, smiling at her, trusting her, relying, depending and believing in her, and the weight of that pile feels like it will crush her-

She doesn’t realize the human has stopped in front of her until she nearly runs into them, and blinks until her mind is back in the present.

“You stopped.” She says, pointing out the obvious. “What’s up?”

“There’re a lot of vents up ahead,” The human says, pointing to the field of steam and metal plates before them. “There’s also a lot of buttons. It could just be another one of Mettaton’s puzzles, but it might also be a trap.”

“Oh, this is definitely just another one of his road blocks to slow us down,” Alphys says, studying the tiles. “I-I’ve seen it before. All the buttons and vents are connected, so when you land on one, it closes one set of vents and opens another.”

“If you’ve seen it before, then does that mean you know how to solve it?” the child asks hopefully.

“I-I’m not sure,” Alphys stutters. “He’s always switching the vents around so the solution’s always changing.”

“Hm. I bet we can figure it out together,” the human says, punching one of their hands into the palm of the other. They give her a confident smile.

“S-sure!” Alphys says without thinking. As much as she’d love to just sit on the side lines and just watch the human try to figure out the correct answer themselves, that trusting smile of theirs wins her over as soon as she sees it and all her previous plans are thrown out the window. Forget what Sans said. It felt good to be the benevolent guide. It felt good to be helping.

Self-assured once more, the human eagerly steps on the first vent and gets launched into the air. They land with grace perfectly on target. There’s a loud clicking noise as opened vents close, and closed vents open.

Studying the vents ahead, they pick a path, keeping track of when a vent will open or close, and trying to plan their route accordingly. A few more hops and the human lands on a bare island without any unavoidable, vent altering buttons.

“I think this is as far as I can go without messing up the last vent!” they yell through cupped hands at her. “Now you try triggering a button!”

“On it! St-stand by!” Stepping on the vent, Alphys squats, ready to take a leap of faith. Below her the pressure of the trapped steam builds until it threatens to burst.

Three… two… one…

With an explosive push, Alphys springs into the air and lands square on the nearest switch. The click echoes through the room.

“Okay! Now I’m gonna go!” her patient alerts her, and jumps on the next vent. They jump again, and then Alphys jumps, and they jump one more time, and-

“It worked!” The human whoops, landing on the other side. They turn around just in time to catch Alphys making it to the other side as well.

Feeling like they could take on anything, the human blazes ahead into the next room where a circular conveyer belt spans a gap and three buttons lay in wait along its side.

“I know this puzzle, too,” Alphys says. “All three switches have to be pressed within a few seconds of one another, but they’re way too spaced out for one monster to hit all at once.”

“Good thing there’s more than one monster, huh?” The kid winks at her. “I think I can hit the last two. Do you think you can hit the first one?”

“Certainly!” The scientist enthuses. “Go on three?”

It takes the pair two tries to get their timing down, but they get it right on their third try. The human roars in triumph and Alphys can’t help but give a little cheer herself. Their confidence is contagious. Together, she felt like they could do anything.

Puzzles conquered, they steadily continue forward. The platforms wind and twist into an incline, up further and further towards the next shadowy ceiling, until another stage set shrouded in darkness lays before them.

“This has ‘trap’ written all over it,” Alphys says.

“If you know it’s there…” the kid says sagely. “Is it still a trap? Or is it a dare?” They rub their hands together in anticipation, bright sparks leaping from their fingertips. “I say we make a break for it. Maybe if we’re fast enough, he won’t catch us.”

“A-alright,” Alphys gulps. “Go on three?”

“Yeah! Just like before!”

Alphys can’t help but smile. It was startling how quickly she and the human learned to work together and how cooperative they were. She’d have to remember to write that down after they escaped Mettaton’s next “trap.”

“Okay. O-on Three,” the doctor says, bracing themselves to sprint. “One!”

“Two!”

“Three!”

Putting on a burst of speed, the scientist and human make a run for it in the total dark, trusting the other to stay by their side.

The hum of the laser is all the warning she gets, and she puts on the breaks, grabbing the human’s sleeve in the pitch black to make them do the same.

“Stop!” She warns, just as a dozen vertical blue lasers cut through the darkness, inches from the kid’s face.

“Quick! Retreat!” The human shouts, and tries to make a break to the left, but either the lasers sense their movement, or they were too slow, because blue lasers come to life on their sides and behind them, cutting off any route of escape. Then, from within the box of lasers itself another row of beams slice the air between the monster and human, separating them into their own cells.

“Alphys!” The human cries, trying to reach out to her. The lasers snap at them with a scolding pop of electricity when they try to touch the beams, and the human pulls back, shaking their hand furiously to rid their fingers of the biting sting.

“D-don’t move!” Alphys tells them. “As long as you stay still, the lasers can’t hurt you!”

There’s a familiar booming sound of stage lights turning on, and suddenly the endless darkness is replaced with blinding light.

“Grab your sledgehammers and sawhorses, because it’s time for D.I.Y. Darling!” A voice says over a musical track. “Here’s your host and computer-slash-carpenter! Mettaton!”

Alphys blinks repeatedly until the spots vanish from her vision and she takes in her surroundings. Once again three walls boarder the stage, but instead of being filled with children’s toys, the walls are lined with carpenter tools and crafting supplies. Circle saws, blow torches, wrenches, screw drivers and hammers hang on the walls in neat organized rows from biggest to smallest. Rows of drawers labeled with construction paper, googly eyes, safety scissors and glue sticks line the back wall. A giant pile of saw dust sits between a dangerous looking wood chipper and an industrial sized vat of glitter. Cans of paint are stacked in a pyramid next to a giant bin filled with a hodgepodge of nails, washers, nuts and bolts. Good god, it was like an unholy hybrid of a woodshop and a child’s craft corner in here.

Polite, organic applause plays from the sidelines. Alphys blinks in surprise. Did Mettaton really have a live studio audience this time? And for a D.I.Y show?? Who did he bribe?

“Welcome back, beauties and gentle beauties,” Mettaton says, rolling onto the set. “Today on D.I.Y. Darling we have two very special guests; my dear friend, the brilliant, Doctor Alphys and the underground’s newest celebrity boss monster!” There’s more applause, this time a little more excited than the first. “Today’s episode’s sponsored product is the MTT-brand home security system, guaranteed to catch any crook attempting to break in, or house guest trying to break out without saying goodbye first! As my dear friend Doctor Alphys and her companion have demonstrated, this product works on all monsters, even boss monsters!”

A neon sign out of sight of the camera directs the audience to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’.

“That’s right, beauties and gentle beauties! Call in right now and you can get the MTT-brand home security system today for the low price of two ninety-nine gold, or find it in any retail store near you for three ninety-nine!”

“Okay, okay, you proved your point and caught us,” the human grumbles. “Now let us go!”

“Not so fast, sweetheart!” Mettaton scolds. “Those were just the sponsors! The real show hasn’t even begun!”

Pushing a button on his chassis, the lasers of their cages switch from blue to white and begin to shift, separating the pair and forcing them to move forward or be zapped by the electricity. Alphys can see their prisons are moving towards two ominous red “X”s, and swallows. Sure, the Xs could simply be used for stage directing, but her hopes weren’t high.

As if on cue, shackles spring from trap doors on the floor once they’re over their targets, and clamp around their ankles, chaining them in place. Once secured, the lasers switch off.

“What-?”

Distracted by the ankle cuff, Alphys doesn’t notice Mettaton swoop in behind her until he’s confiscated her backpack from right off her shoulders.

“Hey!”

“Sorry, darling!” Mettaton says completely unapologetically as he wheels out of reach. “We can’t have any unauthorized equipment in this workshop! You can get it back after the show ends, which is to say, never!”

Beside her, the human grunts and growls as they struggle to get the shackle off their leg. Mettaton watches for a second before pressing a button in his chassis to play a laugh track on his speakers.

“An admirable attempt, darling, but save your energy for the show! Without Alphys’ little gadgets, there’s no way you can hack your way out of this trap. Not that you could even if she did have her little gadgets! There’s no substitute for good ol’ reliable steel chains!”

With their feet shackled, a new trap door opens in front of them, and a carpenter’s work bench rises from its depths. Across its top, hammers, nails and pieces of wood in various sizes and shapes are strewn before them. Mettaton turns back to the camera.

“This week on D.I.Y. Darling, we will be continuing our series on functional décor by building a classic; a bird house! It’s fun for family and friends of all ages!”

“Let us go, Mettaton,” Alphys warns him. “You can’t keep us here forever!”

“Oh, but darling, I can!” The robot says sweetly. “You two are going to help me build the most extravagant things! Vanity mirrors that only reflect images of my face! Coffee tables in my likeness with matching coaster set! Bureaus in my form! Wood! Marble! Metal! We’ll D.I.Y. it all!”

“And if we refuse?”

Mettaton picks up a handsaw and studies his reflection in it. “Oh, I know you won’t,” he says menacingly. “Trust me.”

“If we build your dumb bird house, will you let us go?” the human asks.

“Why, of course not!” Mettaton says cheerfully. “I’ve learned my lesson last time! Never make deals with royal scientists or their little boss monster friends. They’ll just find a loophole to get out of it, or worse, they’ll trap you inside a force field while they break their end of the bargain!”

“But Mettaton! This isn’t fair!”

“Where in the law is it written that it has to be fair, Alphys? Hm?”

“Well, what about being a good sport?”

“Alphys, darling, this is my D.I.Y. show. Sports are on channel seventy-two and I won’t be filming that block for at least another month when sports come back into season again. Now, if you’re done with your interruptions, I must make sure that the watchers at home have all the necessary supplies if they wish to build along with us. Darlings at home, before you begin, make sure you have all the following items…”

While Mettaton is busy listing off all the materials, Alphys takes the moment’s distraction to talk to the human.

“D-don’t panic. I’ve got a plan. I-I’m going to pick the locks on our ankle cuffs while he’s not looking and get us out of here. You just by me some time like you did before.”

The human nods once, short and quick.

“Ready folks?” Mettaton asks the crowd. They cheer obediently.

“And are my lovely assistants ready as well?”

“I guess it looks like we don’t have much of a choice!” the human over exaggerates, flinging their arms wide in despair. “It looks like you’ve truly out witted us this time Mettaton. I will build a bird house with you.”

“Excellent! Let us get started!” Mettaton rolls up to the table, taking his place at the end, with the human between him and Alphys. His case buzzes and chirps as it begins to print out a mile long blue print and instruction sheet that nearly covers the entire work table.

“First step lovelies, find the two pentagon pieces and set them aside…”

The human scratchers their head. Watching Mettaton, they try to copy his steps. Alphys pretends to do the same, waiting for an opportunity to make her next move.

As discretely as she can, Alphys pockets a nail and picks up her hammer. The human looks at her out of the corner of their eye, and Alphys nods at them ever so slightly. Then she “accidentally” drops the hammer. A second later and she yowls in legitimate pain while hopping on one foot.

“Alphys! Sweetheart! Are you alright?” Mettaton cuts off his speech to address her directly.

“O-oh! Y-yes, I’m fine! I’ve j-just got butter fingers is all! Don’t mind me, I just dropped my hammer. I’ll just…. I’ll just pick that up now.”

Flushing with embarrassment, Alphys sinks to the floor and rubs her smarting foot. While she had intentionally knocked the hammer off the table top to give her an excuse to duck beneath the counter, she certainly hadn’t meant for it to hit her. Oh well. Better to just roll with it. Maybe if everyone thought she was too embarrassed now to show her face, she’d get away with a little extra time under the counter.

Taking a deep breath, Alphys takes out the nail from her pocket and inspects the lock on her ankle. Mettaton hadn’t been lying; these cuffs weren’t any fancy computer controlled digital locks, just the plain old tumbler and bolt kind.

Actually, it was even simpler than that- it was really just a simple hook and latch covered in metal so it looked more complicated, but if one knew where the secret button was hidden, that when pressed, lifted the hook from the latch causing the shackle to fall apart, someone could escape in a matter of seconds.

Still, Alphys pretended to pick the decoy lock on the outside of her cuff while the human continued to build with Mettaton, and the camera crews filmed.

“Alright beauties at home, our next step is to assemble the roof. You will find two asymmetrical rectangular pieces labeled “roof”. Make sure the slightly wider piece overlaps the smaller, and nail them together at each corner…”

While the cameras roll, Alphys thoughts drift back to what Sans had said. What was she going to do after the kid conquered all her and Mettaton’s silly tests? The kid has been incredibly nice to everyone, especially her. Could she really just… betray them like that at the end of the day? Oh, what would it matter? She’s already lied so much too so many, she’d disappointed and let down and angered so many people. What would the human hating her as well change? Not like it mattered. After the human went to the king, all monsters would be free. Who would have time to worry about hating her then?

“Alright lovelies at home, we have now finished the bird house! But we can’t give these plain barren homes to potential birds! Let’s add some artistic detail to give it a little flair!” Mettaton says.

Alphys glances at her watch. Okay, they were about half way done, so it was time to stop pretending to mess with her lock and switch over to the human’s.

“And what better way than to add a little flare than with some actual fire!”

Above her head, a jet of fire magic roasts the air and a chorus of gasps and “aaahs” echo from the crowd. Alphys pauses for a moment to get a peak of the commotion.

Beside the human, Mettaton has his bird house raised high above his head in one hand while his other hand conjures fire magic to burn intricate designs into the wood. Tongues of flame gently graze over the surface, delicately scorching their pattern with precision and intent as the magic fire bends to the robot’s will. When the flames die down, Mettaton lowers his arm to reveal the finished product. The live studio audience erupts into cheers. Even Alphys has to admit she’s impressed. While every face of the bird house has a picture of Mettaton in some ridiculous pose, each one is incredibly detailed, right down to his rivets. The use of shades and tones is impeccable, and the edges are boarded with rose patterns, complete with tiny thorns.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Mettaton bows. “But don’t use up all your applause just yet! That was just a little show of a common monster’s fire magic. I’ve heard boss monster magic is something truly to behold! What do you say, gorgeous? Care to show us your skill?”

Under the table, Alphys’ breath quickens. What luck! This test was originally just to observe the human’s logical puzzle solving skills. She hadn’t anticipated capturing their magical aptitude as well. Was she truly going to see the human’s magical prowess up close? They had reported being able to do fire magic on her questionnaire, but she could hardly believe the claim. All her research on humans had said otherwise. Now she’d really know for certain.

“Y-you want me to show you my fire magic?” the human blinks, taken off guard.

“Indubitably!” Mettaton says. “Surely your talent far surpasses anything we normal monsters could ever hope to achieve! We would love to get a glimpse of such splendor! Please darling! Dazzle us!”

Apprehensively, the human looks at their bird house. They visibly swallow.

“I like my bird house how it is.” They say. “I don’t really want to decorate it.”

“Ah, yes. Minimalistic is very in style right now,” Mettaton agrees. “How trite of me to ask you to embellish a simple bird house. But we have to give the people what they want, darling! A full grandiose display of your magic power!”

“I-I don’t want to seem like a show off,” the human resists.

“Nonsense, darling! No need to be modest and hide something as simple as fire magic! That is… unless you can’t DO fire magic…”

“I can do fire magic,” the human says hotly. “It’s just that… I’m not that practiced and I’ve never tried to light anything thicker than a branch before…”

“Then now’s the perfect time to try, darling! Give it your all!”

“O-okay,” The human stutters, stalling for time. Glancing at Alphys, they beg her to hurry up with their eyes, but Alphys pretends not to see.

Pushed into a corner with no way out, they swallow and face the live audience. They raise their arms wide apart and squeeze their eyes shut.

“H-here I go! Ready! One…! Two…! Three!”

With a massive clap, sparks fly like a blown fuse and rain down on their bird house, but not one ember even discolors the wood. The human, already grimacing in despair, opens one eye. The crowd stares at them, some in confusion, some in disappointment, and several in pity.

“Hm! That didn’t seem to work,” Mettaton notes. “Ah! I see the problem! These gloves are blocking your power! Here, let me take care of those,” Mettaton says taking the mittens off the human’s hands.

“H-hey! Stop! I need those!”

“Whatever for, darling? Boss monsters don’t need silly clothing for magic. Though I must say white gloves are all the rage!” Mettaton points finger guns at them to show off his own gloved hands.

The human tries to jump up and grab their gloves back, but the chain on their ankle holds them fast as Mettaton dangles them tauntingly out of reach, and Alphys has to jerk her hands back to avoid her fingers being stamped on.

“What’s the holdup darling? Stage fright? Performance anxiety? Or perhaps… is boss monster magic not all it’s cracked up to be? Or! What’s this? Have we just exposed a boss monster who can’t cast magic? Oh, it is isn’t it! That’s a title for the papers tomorrow!”

��Alright, you caught me,” the human’s voice hitches as their face grows red and their eyes well with tears. They manage to swipe their gloves back, and pull them on before hiding their hands in their crossed arms. “So I can’t do fire magic, or any kind of magic on my own. Happy now?”

“It’s alright, darling! We understand! Not every monster can perform magic tricks. In fact…” Mettaton leans in close. “You know who else can’t perform magic?”

Alphys sharply looks up. Where was Mettaton going with this?

“Uhh…” the human eyes him wearily, also lost with where this was headed.

“Why, our dear acquaintance Doctor Alphys!”

Mettaton pushes a button on his chassis and the work table Alphys had been hiding behind lowers back into the ground, exposing her and her lock picking. The crowd gasps in shock.

Uh-oh. The jig was up.

“What’s this?!” Mettaton gasps, dramatically throwing an arm across the top row of his screens where his forehead would be. “Alphys?! Are you trying to escape!?”

“N-not trying! Succeeding!” Alphys says, stalling no longer and unlocking the human’s cuff. “Run for it!”

The human springs, not needing to be told twice. Mettaton spins around, revving up his wheel ready to give chase, but before he can floor it, Alphys clamps the shackle on his exposed axel. Mettaton lurches forward, only to fall flat on his face.

Alphys hops over him, but turns back in concern when she hears him crash.

“Oh, geez, Mettaton are you okay?” She whispers.

“I’m fine, darling! I’m fine! It’s all part of the act! Now go! Go! The camera’s still rolling and I have to make this look convincing!”

“Alphys hurry! He’s probably got they key!” the human reminds her when they get to the other end of the stage. “We gotta get out of her before he breaks loose!”

“O-on it!” Alphys says catching up to them.

“Blast! Foiled again by the great Doctor Alphys! You have bested me this time, darling! But like star crossed lovers, our paths will meet again! Until next time beautiful!”

The human doesn’t wait around to hear the end of Mettaton’s speech. As soon as Alphys catches up to them, they take off running without looking back.

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Simply Vibrant, Our New Cookbook!

It’s been around three years since we started working on this cookbook, so finally telling you about it today feels monumental, exhilarating, and terrifying all at the same time. Our new cookbook is called Simply Vibrant: All-Day Vegetarian Recipes for Colorful Plant-Based Cooking, and it’s available for pre-order now! It’s written by me, Anya, and photographed by Masha – the same mother/daughter team that’s behind this blog. Today, we are sharing some key details about the book, accompanied by a book trailer (above), sneak peak photos and ways to pre-order. We’ll also be talking about the pre-order bonus recipe bundle, which is a free gift that we created for anyone who pre-orders the book. SO excited to share all of this with you :)

About the Book

— Simply Vibrant will be released on February 6th, 2018, but it’s available for pre-order now. Anyone who pre-orders the book will have access to a free bonus recipe bundle, consisting of 10 brand new, plant-based recipes, which won’t be published anywhere else. Just save your receipt! This is our way of thanking you for your support :) More on the bonus below.

— There are 129 recipes in the book, all of which are vegetarian, 124 of them are vegan, and 109 of them are gluten-free or gluten-free adaptable. My goal was to create healthful, everyday recipes that require accessible, whole food ingredients – mainly vegetables, fruit, herbs, spices, grains, and legumes. The recipes are very much influenced by the seasons, too. Our hope is that you’ll be able to find whatever good-looking produce you picked up at your market or store in the index of the book, and get some ideas on preparing it.

— I used comfort food classics from around the world as inspiration for the recipes in the book, which also influenced the book’s organization. The chapters are as follows:

Morning Porridges and Pancakes – this chapter contains breakfast recipes for every season, both savory and sweet.

Salads and Bowls – this one has a grain bowl recipe for every season, as well as plenty of vibrant salads for every occasion.

Wraps and Rolls – this chapter celebrates the wrapping techniques seen in cuisines all around the world. There are recipes for summer rolls, enchiladas, burritos, maki (sushi), collard green wraps, and more.

Soups and Stews – the recipes in this chapter range from hearty winter stews to refreshing and light summer soups.

Risotto, Paella and Pilaf – for this chapter, I took the format of well-loved rice dishes from around the world, and reinvented them with the use of different vegetables and grains (there are even a couple of completely grain-free risottos!).

Noodles, Pasta and Pizza – this one is all about the coziest foods out there, reimagined to be more vegetable-forward – there are recipes for homemade pasta and dumplings, but also for noodles and pizza crusts made with vegetables.

Fritters and Veggie Burgers – this chapter has a veggie burger recipe for every season, as well as plenty of lacy, plant-packed fritters.

Just Veggies – this chapter is here to prove that seasonal vegetables only need a simple nudge to taste amazing – there are techniques for marinating, pickling, braising, stewing, and glazing that will take your produce to the next level.

Sweets for Every Season – the title of this chapter speaks for itself – there are brownies, galettes, pies, cakes, and pots de creme, made with unrefined sweeteners, fruit, and even some vegetables.

Basics and Sauces – a foundational chapter, which will supply you with ammunition for creating vibrant meals quickly – from mind-blowing sauces to broth that will cost you $0 in extra groceries.

— I’ve been thinking a lot about the amount of waste we produce as humans, and I’ve been working on developing techniques for using up all parts of the produce I buy. I present some of these ideas in this book, from the aforementioned veggie scrap broth, to a watermelon rind marmalade, broccoli stem risotto, and more.

— The introduction has a story about my shoemaker grandfather, which has basically become folklore in our family. I was very excited to immortalize it in a book.

— If you have our first cookbook, The Vibrant Table, this book is a follow-up to that. While The Vibrant Table focused on creativity in plant-based cooking, Simply Vibrant is much more focused on the everyday. It’s all about putting breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table.

— The book is 328 pages long, hardcover, and 7.5″ x 10″ in size. Every recipe is accompanied by a beautiful photograph, with the exception of a few sauces.

Praise

Here are some kind words we’ve heard about the book from people and publications we greatly admire.

“Simply Vibrant captures the kind of accidentally-vegetarian food we want to eat right now.”

—Bon Appetit

“Simply Vibrant is intuitively organized and brilliantly executed. It illustrates how many of us are striving to eat these days: crave-able, template-style recipes with seasonal touches, simple techniques, and an underlying nourishing essence that reads as encouraging, rather than prescriptive. Anya’s approach starts with a deep-rooted reverence for what nature provides in all of its seasons—and in all of its sometimes neglected or wasted forms. The thoughtful uses for carrot tops, chickpea soaking liquid, and barley cooking water—like the rest of the book’s delicious plant-based recipes—speak to both virtue and pure enjoyment. This book inspires me to cook (and live!) with a deeper sense of care and appreciation.”

—Laura Wright, author of The First Mess Cookbook

“Anya’s approach to food and the seasons always stands out as creative, inventive, and colorful. Simply Vibrant contains an abundance of inspiring recipes and clever tricks to add more nourishment and adventure to your everyday meals.”

—Amy Chaplin, James Beard award-winning author of At Home in the Whole Food Kitchen

“Anya has the incredible ability to inspire her readers to cook, but more importantly, she helps them tap into their own intuition to create delicious meals in a more relaxed way. I love her emphasis on seasonality, and her creative approach to leaf-to-root cooking, using every ingredient to its fullest potential without wasting a single seed! This recipe collection is bursting with global flavors, unique ingredient combinations, and of course, vibrancy on the highest level.”

—Sarah Britton, holistic nutritionist and author of My New Roots and Naturally Nourished   “We are longtime fans of Golubka Kitchen and Anya’s creative and beautiful plant-based recipes. Her new book is jam-packed with healthy, flavorful, and simple recipes and lots of interesting suggestions on how to cook with the odds and ends of produce that usually are discarded—like making marmalade from watermelon rinds and risotto using broccoli stems. So clever!”

—David Frenkiel and Luise Vindahl, creators of the blog Green Kitchen Stories

“Exciting, vegetable led food.”

— Anna Jones, author of A Modern Way to Cook, A Modern Way to Eat and columnist for The Guardian

“What made me want to cook from Simply Vibrant is its more relaxed approach to plant-based cooking”

—Toronto Star

Pre-Order

Here’s where you can pre-order Simply Vibrant. Many of these outlets are selling the book at a discounted price while it’s still in the pre-order stages.

Amazon Barnes & Noble Roost Powell’s IndieBound Book Depository (ships worldwide for free) Amazon Canada Indigo

Pre-Order Bonus Recipe Bundle

To show our immense gratitude to anyone who pre-orders the book, we made a little thank you gift in the form of a free Bonus Recipe Bundle PDF. It’s sort of like a mini e-cookbook, complete with 10 brand-new, plant-based recipes that won’t be published anywhere else. The style of the recipes is very similar to that of the recipes in the actual book – everyday meals to make your home cooking more delicious and vibrant. Click here for instructions on how to claim your pre-order bonus and see a preview of the recipes within.

Thank You

This book only exists because of this blog, and this blog exists because of you – your support, kindness, and curiosity in visiting this space, cooking from our recipes, and reading our stories. Seriously, none of this would be here without YOU. So thank you! Truly, from the bottom of our hearts.

– Anya and Masha

Source: http://golubkakitchen.com/simply-vibrant-our-new-cookbook/

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http://ift.tt/2rqlXx8

Ice cream has come a long way since the Good Humor truck. There’s nothing wrong with a simple cup or cone, but these days, you’re just as likely to find the ultimate creamy-cold treat rolled, sandwiched, flash-frozen or cloaked inches-thick in toppings right before before your eyes.

Bay Area scoop shops are leading some high-concept trends these days, and the variety of bold, Instagram-worthy creations is enough to give you brain-freeze — in a good way. As it turns out, the history of American ice cream has always been tied to a sense of innovation, says Amy Ettinger, ice cream historian and author of the new book, “Sweet Spot: An Ice Cream Binge Across America (Dutton, $26).

Smitten Ice Cream’s Brrr machine churns creamy ice cream before your eyes. (Photo: Audrey Ma) 

In the book, the Santa Cruz-based author delves into the legacy of extreme ice cream, starting with our Founding Fathers, who fancied oyster ice cream (yes, really), to the post-Prohibition novelty boom that gave birth to Eskimo Pies and Polar Cream Wafers, and on to Ben & Jerry’s, with its signature swirls and mix-ins.

“There’s always been this element of showmanship when it comes to ice cream,” Ettinger says. “It’s not just something you eat, it’s something you experience.”

Perhaps no Bay Area scoop shop is more synonymous with invention than San Francisco-based Smitten Ice Cream. To churn the ultimate from-scratch, made-to-order ice cream, founder Robyn Sue Fisher teamed up with a retired aerospace engineer to build a machine that flash-freezes ice cream at the time of sale using liquid nitrogen.

Today, Fisher’s Brrr machines and their signature fog fill seven shops in the Bay Area, including outposts in Lafayette, Oakland and San Jose, and yield ice cream with an ultra-rich, creamy texture — every time. Because Fisher believes that ice cream should be pure and made only from high-quality ingredients, she works with local and organic farms and purveyors to source everything.

“Ice cream should embody the definition of taste and wholesomeness,” she says. “That’s why we hand-churn every batch, so it’s fresh and we know exactly what’s in it.”

The Thai rolled ice cream craze has swept the Bay Area. (Nhat V. Meyer/Bay Area News Group)

But even discerning foodies can’t deny the joy that comes with a smattering of rainbow sprinkles or the Benihana-like show that goes on at Icicles’ five Bay Area locations. Icicles specializes in Thai-style rolled ice cream that is mixed by hand on large ice pans, then flattened into strips and rolled into cylinders in front of you. Toppings — everything from sugary cereal to gummies — are free and limitless, a perk that contributes to the shop’s mega popularity.

Like Icicles, the soft-serve giant Milkcow is also a cultural export — this time, from South Korea, where the popular franchise originated. At the busy Fremont and Castro Valley shops, co-owners and brothers Alex and Gordon Lai top the signature soft, milk-flavored ice cream with fantastical sweets, including raw honeycomb, cotton candy and the giant, wafflelike egg puffs that they remember as a popular street food item during their childhood years in Hong Kong.

“The quality and taste of our products are of the utmost importance, but our mission is also to create fond memories and bring smiles to people’s faces,” Gordon Lai says.

Especially when it reminds you of being a kid.

“At the end of the day, people can say whatever they want about purity and ingredients, but ice cream is about being transported to childhood,” Ettinger says. “Sometimes that means having something unexpected like a celery sorbet or being able to put whatever you want on your scoop of ice cream, because that’s what you did with your family —  or it’s what you longed to do.”

Whether you fancy savory organic ice cream or wacky soft-serve, here are 12 ice cream shops where you can find sweet and innovative treats this summer.

Churned-to-order

1. Smitten Ice Cream

These small, brightly-lit scoop shops specialize in ultra-premium ice cream that is made to order using founder Robyn Sue Fisher’s liquid nitrogen Brrr machine. Due to the smaller-sized crystals achieved with liquid nitrogen, Smitten’s ice cream has a super-creamy, smooth texture. Flavors have a culinary focus, change seasonally and are often gourmet updates on classics, including Brown Sugar with Cinnamon Shortbread, Blueberry Lavender and Strawberry White Balsmatic.

Must-order: Chocolate ($5-$6) may sound simple, but it’s actually a decadently rich ganache made with TCHO’s 60 percent cacao chocolate.

Details: Seven Bay Area locations, including 3545 Mt. Diablo Blvd., Lafayette, and 3055 Olin Ave., San Jose; http://ift.tt/1eMhsfb

2. Crafts Creamery

This brightly lit shop opened two years ago and offers a variety of made-to-order (via liquid nitrogen) options: organic ice cream made with the good stuff from Straus Family Creamery, coconut-based nondairy frozen dessert and granitas. Choose your flavor — there are over 20, including matcha green tea, caramel latte and mint chocolate chip — and any mix-ins and watch as they pop it into a blender-meets-metal-bowl device, squirt it with liquid nitrogen and freeze it in minutes. Complain about the high-ish prices ($5.36-$9.69 plus toppings) all you want, but this place has lots of seating and accommodates birthday groups at no extra charge. Just give them a few days’ notice, so they can round up extra chairs.

Details: 100 Railroad Ave., Suite D, Danville; http://ift.tt/2qLXdwL

Must-order: Burnt sugar tastes like the top of creme brulee — but thick and cold.

Rolled

3. Icicles

At Icicles, ice cream is rolled into tight cylinders, then topped with cream. (Nhat V. Meyer/Bay Area News Group)

Thailand’s rolled ice cream has hit the Bay Area, beginning at Icicles’ flagship shop in San Jose’s Willow Glen neighborhood. Choose from 11 flavors, including PB&J or Bravocado, or ask the staff to create your favorite combo by mixing the original custard base (made from farm-fresh eggs, milk, sugar and cream) with your favorite toppings. They’ll chop and flatten everything before your eyes on large ice pans, then scrape it off into pretty, finished 3-inch rolls. Unlimited toppings add to the fun. Also available: dairy-free “fruit roll ups.”

Must-order: Try Nutella and Chill ($6.50), custard base blended with bananas, graham cracker and hazelnut-chocolate spread.

Details: Five Bay Area locations including 222 E. Third Ave., San Mateo, and 600 Main St., Suite F, Pleasanton; http://ift.tt/2rejoPJ

4. Freezing Point Creamery

An unassuming shop tucked inside Chinatown, Freezing Point Creamery is a tiny, cash-only joint where you can choose from five rolled ice cream flavors: strawberry, mango, purple yam, red bean, cookies and cream, or matcha. They also offer housemade ice cream in several nontraditional flavors, including wasabi, durian and ginger. Toppings also available.

Must-order: Try the purple yam ($7), made with real bits of yam. Enjoy it with a cup of the warming — and popular — ginger milk tea ($4.95), made with organic whole milk and ginger juice.

Details: 349 Seventh St., Oakland

Soft-serve, with a twist

5. Milkcow

This South Korean export boasts creamy, not-too-sweet milk-flavored soft ice cream. Its facility in Southern California sources milk from free-range cows that are fed Italian ryegrass. Drizzles include various syrups, such as pistachio and honey — sourced from Marshall’s Farm in American Canyon — and fanciful toppings, like locally made macarons, waffle-sized egg puffs, and housemade cotton candy.

Must-order: Raw honeycomb with honey drizzle ($4-$6) offers the sweetness and slight crumble of real honey, the perfect complement to this ultra-creamy, milky soft ice cream.

Details: 5657 Auto Mall Parkway, Fremont, and 3223 Castro Valley Blvd., Castro Valley; coming soon to Pleasanton; www.milkcowusa.com

6. Curbside Creamery

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5 marvelous meatballs

Now in its third year, Tori Wentworth’s Temescal Alley scoop shop is an all-inclusive ice cream lover’s paradise. It specializes in gourmet versions of classic flavors (hello, Creamsicle) available in both traditional dairy and cashew-based vegan options. But it’s the soft-serve that we melted over — especially the smooth Thai iced tea and a slightly nutty vanilla that was thick and delicious, without even one icy crystal to bum us out. Soft-serve flavors change on Thursdays.

Must-order: Both the Salted Caramel and Bicycle Coffee Co. ($3.25-$5.75) make us swoon. Dairy-free folks: Get your hands on the vegan chocolate or vegan earl grey tea.

Details: 482 49th St., Oakland; http://ift.tt/VispTl

Extreme pops

7. Gelati Creation

This two-year-old Alameda ice-cream-on-a-stick shop specializes in housemade gelato and sorbetto pops ($3.65-$3.80 plus toppings). The sorbetto is made in-house from fresh or pureed fruit (everything from guava and passion fruit to mango and peach), water and sugar while the gelato base comes from a supplier and includes whole milk and sugar. The pops are not too sweet, which allows for layering drizzles — milk, white or dark chocolate — and toppings, such as ground nuts, chocolate chips, coconut flakes or rainbow sprinkles.

Must-order: These creations are very personal, but we’re partial to the coffee gelato pop with milk chocolate drizzle and crushed almonds.

Details: 222 B South Shore Center, Alameda; http://ift.tt/2dZ4aEN

8. Milk and Wood

The concept at this kiosk inside downtown San Jose’s hip SoFA Market is similar: Choose your flavor, your drizzle — in addition to the chocolate drizzles, they also offer sweetened condensed milk — and your toppings, and stand back as the artists make your dream a sugar-laden reality. Milk and Wood handcrafts the pops daily in up to 25 flavors, including chocolate hazelnut, mango strawberry, and cookies and cream, and offers crushed pretzels and chocolate shavings among other toppings. Everything’s made in small batches, so they often run out by evening, especially on weekends.

Must-order: Customers swear by the Green Tea Kit Kat or Mint Oreo with drizzles and toppings galore ($4-$5).

Details: 387 S. First St., San Jose; coming soon to Santa Cruz; www.milkandwood.com

Sandwiched

9. Maven’s Creamery

These macaron ice cream sandwiches are as beautiful as they are delicious. Available in cold cases at multiple locations around the Bay Area, Maven’s Creamery macarons are made with almonds, egg whites, milk and other ingredients, and come in six flavors, including bright purple Ube Macapuno, Coffee Hazelnut and speckled Rainbow Crunch. The ice cream’s thick, creamy consistency is the perfect complement to the cake-y macaron.

Details: Available at 12 Bay Area locations, including Poki Bowl in Palo Alto and San Jose, and Hang Ten Broiler in Hayward and Alameda; http://ift.tt/2jXnsN5

Must-order: The best-selling Cookies ‘n’ Cream ($6) packs all the creamy-delicious nostalgia of childhood between pretty blue macarons.

10. Cream

This ice cream sammie shop first opened in Berkeley in 2010 and has since exploded in the Bay Area. You can’t deny the variety. Gluten-free cookies? Check. Dairy-free ice cream? Yup. And the always-premium ingredients are custom-sandwiched to your specifications. Choose from 20-plus ice cream flavors and 10 fresh-baked cookies, including toffee nut, chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin plus brownie ice cream sandwiches, the Cream Taco and Do’sant — ice cream between two glazed donuts.

Must-order: We’re partial to the Caramel Cinnamon Chill ice cream, sandwiched between snickerdoodles, but it’s all good.

Details: 12 Bay Area locations including 2070 Salvio St., Concord and 2399 Telegraph Ave., Berkeley; http://creamnation.com

Eclectic flavors

11. Tara’s Organic Ice Cream

Tara Esperanza focuses on broadening your ice cream horizons. Her ice cream is made in small batches of two to four gallons at a time, using organic cane sugar and organic seasonal fruit, dairy and herbs sourced from local farms. The inventive flavors are like none you’ve likely tasted: Avocado and Baobab, for example, Butternut Curry, Chinese Five Spice, Orange Cardamom, Mocha and Lemon Verbena. For old-school purists, she also makes a killer chocolate chip ice cream.

Must-order: We love the saffron ice cream and, when available, any stone fruit flavor, including nectarine or white peach.

Details: 4731 Telegraph Ave., Oakland, and 3173 College Ave., Berkeley; www.tarasorganic.com

12. Salt and Straw

Sure, there are a lot of creameries in the Bay Area doing unique flavors, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t include this Portland export, which is already drawing 45-minute waits outside its new (and first) San Francisco scoop shop. Salt and Straw partners with local purveyors to create seasonal and unusual flavors that are OMG-good, like Arbequina Olive Oil, Pear and Blue Cheese, Avocado and Strawberry Sherbet, and Green Apple and Wasabi Flowers.

Talk about extreme: This month, Salt and Straw is featuring limited-edition ice creams made from food waste in San Francisco. Flavors include The Roxie Road (made with leftover popcorn from the Mission’s Roxie Theatre) and Roasted Sunchoke Mock Apple Pie (made with organic but misshapen sunchokes from San Francisco’s Imperfect Produce).

Must-order: Tough call. Seriously. We can’t help you. We dream of the Woodblock Chocolate at the SF shop, but the Olive Oil and Lemon Custard is also off-the-charts good.

Details: 2201 Fillmore St., San Francisco; http://saltandstraw.com

[breazyvapors]

OOO E Liquid Bundle (360ml) With Free T-Shirt - OOO E Liquid

Vendor: OOO E Liquid Type: Bundle Price: 29.99 OOO E Liquid Bundle (360ml) With Free T-Shirt - OOO E Liquid Everyone loves to save, it's a good feeling when your wallet it heavy and your collection is full as well. This bundle deal is going to make it so that you can get three really great juices from the OOO E Liquid line as well as a free T-shirt that will keep you looking fly. Whether this bundle is for you or you plan on giving it to one of your fellow vapers, it's bound to be a hit that will have whoever tries it feeling like they are over the moon. With this bundle you will be getting Berry Treasure which is a fruity candy based blend, DJ Double Stuff that flawlessly recreates everyone's favorite cookie and Berry Toast that gives you a balance of sweet and savory that will set you right. Anyone who likes a little bit of adventure will appreciate the unique combinations that are included in this stellar package. Flavors Included: * Berry Treasure - OOO E Liquid - At the end of every great adventure is a treasure. We have all heard stories of explorers braving the wild and jumping through hoops in hopes of finding some long-forgotten jewels that have the power to change their lives. Finding a good vape juice has the exact same accomplished feeling and undeniable excitement that sends a shiver down your spine and makes you feel a bit like those action heroes that those interesting tall tales are inspired by. This juice is made to copy the flavor of a beloved candy that most of us have had the pleasure of enjoying on those weekend afternoons when we would gather up all of our allowance money and even sift through the house, turning over couch cushions to scavenge just a little bit more so you could get as much of those sweet candies that you'd drool over as possible. Just think, now you can take a couple of minutes away from your day to fire up your mod of choice, fill up your tank with this wonderful juice and be taken back to those feelings of excitement and playfulness that will have you feeling like a kid again. OOO E Liquid is a large line of vape juice blends that offer so many different selections that are going to allow you to turn to them for whatever flavor that you're after. Extremely high quality and accurate tasting, you are going to be singing the praises of this line to any and everyone that you can get a hold of. Berry Treasure is a copy of those mouths puckering sour belts that would have your taste buds spinning in circles from the very moment that they touched your tongue and of course they are flavored like bold, fresh strawberry for that extra little bit of nostalgia. Primary Flavors: Strawberry, Candy * DJ Double Stuff - OOO E Liquid - Pump up the volume and get your dancing shoes on, those boring Monday mornings that have you wishing you could spend the entire day in bed are going to be like Friday afternoons where you're let out of the office early and have plans with your best friends to paint the town red! Everything in life is made so much better with the right attitude and a well-made juice is going to have the ability to uplift your spirits and have you thinking about those special occasions that you usually hold off for to enjoy the flavor that it contains. The popular snack that this blend in particular recreates is one that most of us have packed along in our lunches at one time or another, it's a classic that no one could ever grow tired of and it is going to have you letting out a sigh of relief that you can finally indulge completely worry-free. Made to appeal so much more to your adult sense of taste, you are going to go crazy for this blends ability to bump things up a notch with more complex, rich flavors. There is something about the juices made by OOO E Liquid that sets themselves apart from everything else that's out there on the market, they aren't afraid to branch out and try something new. The creativity that they have is really something special and they are able to combine flavors in such a way that you are kept on the edge of your seat, savoring every single inhale. DJ Double Stuff is a take on that classic chocolate sandwich cookie that goes best with a tall glass of ice cold milk. Some of the richest, sweet chocolate wafer cookies have a creamy, premium vanilla icing layered in between them. Primary Flavors: Chocolate, Cookie, Vanilla, Icing * Berry Toast - OOO E Liquid - This comfort food is the perfect light snack for those nights where you're feeling just a little bit peckish and need something to satisfy those nagging cravings. Its unique taste is rarely seen in the vaping community and it is as close to the real thing as you can get. This is just the kind of juice that you need for those days where you're looking for an all day everyday vape that brings together bold, punchy flavor with a mellowness that makes it just right for being vaped over long periods of time while keeping up your interest levels. The power of a well made vape juice blend is its ability to completely take over your thoughts and bring you back to a memory that you hold near and dear. If you close your eyes and inhale this blend, it's like you are instantly transported back to your Grandmother's kitchen table, waiting for her to make you a special treat. Do you have those warm, fuzzy feelings in the bottom of your heart yet? If so, when you get a hold of this juice, you might have to take a couple minutes for yourself because it's going to have you weeping with utter joy! The skillful vape juice producers at OOO E Liquid have a real talent for making exceptional blends that are able to seamlessly recreate all of the different foods that have your mouth watering just at the thought of them. Berry Toast takes homemade, toasted bread that's the perfect shade of crisp golden brown, covers it with creamy, rich butter and then slathers in a homemade berry preserve. Now you can take your toast on the road! Primary Flavors: Toast, Butter, Berry   Package Contains: * 1 x 120ml bottle of Berry Toast by OOO E Liquid * 1 x 120ml bottle of Berry Treasure by OOO E Liquid * 1 x 120ml of DJ Double Stuff by OOO E Liquid * 1 x T-shirt https://breazy.com/products/ooo-e-liquid-bundle-360ml-with-free-t-shirt-ooo-e-liquid?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[oselatra]

2017 Arkansas Times Whole Hog Roast preview

Al the pig meat you can eat.

It's fall, y'all. How do we know, besides, you know, the passing of the autumnal equinox last week? Because it's time again for the Arkansas Times' meatiest event of the year, the fifth annual Whole Hog Roast. So clear your calendar and make plans to attend the pork smorgasbord from 1 to 5 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 1, at the Argenta Plaza in North Little Rock. The recipe remains similar to last year: Seven teams made up of chefs and seasoned pitmasters will roast 100-pound hogs from Farm Girl Meats in Perry County; and four amateur teams will smoke their best pork butt. Attendees get to eat their way through the competition, along with sides provided by presenting sponsor Ben E. Keith, for just $15 in advance at centralarkansastickets.com, or $20 at the door.

Event wrangler Brian Kearns, of Simply the Best Catering and the Canvas restaurant at the Arkansas Arts Center, encourages anyone who has ever wanted to smoke a pig to come watch the process. Teams will probably start setting up midday Saturday, get their fires going in the evening and put their hogs on to start cooking around midnight. Hog roasters can cook in any manner they like as long as it's done on-site. "There's a lot of different ways to do it, but the trickiest part is getting it to finish at the same time — how you build your fire, what temperature you keep," Kearns said. His preferred method is in a cinder block pit; many of the teams will have elaborate smoking rigs attached to trailers.

The hogs the pros are roasting aren't your run of the mill swine. These are Boston Mountain Hogs, a heritage-style breed Katie Short of Farm Girl Meats developed with growers in North and West Arkansas, Missouri and Oklahoma. They're bred to be physically active, which means the fat is marbled throughout the meat, which gives it more flavor potential, Short said. Plus, Farm Girl's 130-acre farm provides plenty of room for the swine to run free, foraging on seeds, nuts, blackberry and greenbrier crowns and, if they're still hungry, a locally milled, specially balanced grain. All that natural food adds to the flavor, Short says.

The Argenta Plaza is at Sixth and Main streets in downtown North Little Rock. Doors open at 1 p.m. and food will be served at 2 p.m., rain or shine, and the party will continue on until 5 p.m. Flyway Brewing Co. will have its mega-popular Bluewing Berry Wheat, Early Bird IPA (especially good with spicy sauce, co-owner Jess McMullen says) and Free Range Brown Ale (the ultimate barbecue beer, McMullen says). It and wine will be for sale for $5. Local rockers Good Time Ramblers share a bill with the sweet-harmonizing Wildflower Revue.

Professional teams

@ the Corner

The ladies who own and run the downtown breakfast and lunch destination @ the Corner — sisters Helen Grace and Leila King and their sister-in-law, chef Kamiya Merrick — have stepped up their hog-roasting game since last year's event. Leila King says they had such a good time at the event last year, @ the Corner commissioned a custom-built smoker on a trailer for catering and cook-offs. This year's plan is to brine the hog for several days in Rock Town Distillery's bourbon, Rebel Kettle's Working Glass Hero beer and spices. Then they'll rub it down with their house rub mix and smoke it as long as possible, using hickory and a Rock Town bourbon barrel to make their fire. "We wanted to include as much local stuff as possible," Leila King said.

The Argenta Buttrubbers

Charlie Hart with the Argenta Buttrubbers team said he's the "builder," tasked with constructing and maintaining the cinderblock fire pit where the team will cook their hog for the event. Veterans of the amateur Boston butt-only class at previous Times hog roasts, the team — which is sponsored by the Memphis lunch spot Blink SCO — will be moving up to the whole pig this year, with most of the cooking handled by barbecue purists Ricky O'Rourke and Josh Wills. Cooking a whole hog requires a different technique, Hart said, including not allowing the hog to get so hot that it combusts, making sure it cooks evenly, and carefully tending the fire through the night. Hart said the team did a practice run earlier this year over pecan and cherry, cooking an "Asian fusion" style hog on a pit designed exactly like the one they plan to use for the Arkansas Times Hog Roast. They went through a whole rick of wood, Hart said, which they pre-burn over a specially prepared barrel in order to harvest the hot coals for their pit, lined with firebrick for reflective heat. The result was, he said, perfect.

Flyway/Count Porkula Before Flyway Brewing Co. unveiled its tasty menu full of the likes of smoked duck and wild boar brats and bacon-wrapped quail, the brewery hosted "guest pitmasters" from time to time. That's how co-owner Jess McMullen got to know Kelly Lovell of the local food trailer eatery and catering company Count Porkula. One of the best brewery kitchens in town teamed with the barbecue champs of the food truck scene? We're expecting big things.

Four Quarter Bar

Conan Robinson may be best known for managing Midtown for many years and owning new North Little Rock favorite Four Quarter, just down Main Street from the event (after party!). But those in the know recognize Robinson as a longtime purveyor of delicious grub: burgers (natch), but also delicious pulled pork sandwiches, a Cuban and pulled pork nachos. A perennial hog roast participant, Robinson plans to brine his hog, slather on his signature Four Quarter rub and cook it in a cinder block pit.

Grumpy's Too

While other teams will be using smoke, glazes and rubs to set their hog apart, Chris Finkbeiner with Grumpy's Too plans to differentiate theirs by the cooking method. After thoroughly injecting their hog with the Grumpy's house marinade, they'll be using what's known as a "China Box," aka a "Cajun Microwave," an enclosed roaster that cooks the hog top-down by piling hot coals on the metal top of the box. Finkbeiner said the technique will cook their hog in about half the time of other teams, leading to a savory Cuban-style pork that's roasted rather than smoked. Another secret weapon will be chef Josh Smith, who Finkbeiner called his team's culinary expert. Smith recently won the award for student chef of the year at the UA-Pulaski Tech Culinary Arts and Hospitality Management Institute, and will serve as a co-captain of the Grumpy's Too five-person team.

Ristorante Capeo

Bryan Isaac of the Italian favorite Ristorante Capeo in Argenta was taciturn in his description of plans on how his team would prepare its whole hog. "We're just gonna cook a hog and have fun." How might they cook the hog? "Put it on some heat and then take it off some heat." But what about a touch of Capeo in the preparation and seasonings? "We don't serve whole hog at Capeo." So your guess is as good as ours.

Vault

Mike Easley (executive chef and visionary), formerly of Restaurant 1620 and Cache, and Cody Mayfield (sous chef) are busy putting together Vault, a new restaurant in the 1909 Citizens Building in Hot Springs, so it makes sense they'd want to keep it simple for the hog roast. But Easley says that's also so their Farm Girl Meats hog can speak for itself. They'll brine the hog with simple sugar and salt and use a cinder block rig. Easley said the Farm Girl owner Katie Short has done her part by raising the hogs in kindness; he'll respect the pig by doing as little as possible to the meat.

Easley has also worked with the James Beard Restaurant Rioja in Denver and trained under Jennifer Jasinski; he met Mayfield when he moved to Cache Restaurant in the River Market District.

Amateurs

Onebanc Roadsters also plan to participate, but weren't available before press time.

Smokin' Butz

Smokin' Butz team leader David Carpenter said his team's strategy is simple: Cook some great pulled pork. A veteran restaurateur who helped open several Central Arkansas institutions, including Sherwood's longstanding Zaffino's and Little Rock's new Main Street anchor Samantha's Tap Room & Wood Grill, Carpenter said his team plans to carefully select their Boston butt for a particular ratio of meat to fat, coat it down with a secret, homemade pork rub that is "a little unique," and then smoke it low and slow until it's done to perfection. Sides will be a little unique, too, including slow-roasted and smoked potatoes, along with breaded, deep-fried eggplant strips. As fitting with pulled pork, both sides will be decidedly Southern, Carpenter said, but with a twist.

Wilson's A1 BBQ

A veteran barbecue caterer, Alisha Pagan said that her secret weapon for the Arkansas Times Hog Roast will be her wood selection: a secret blend of carefully selected fruit and nut tree wood that allows for a strong smoke flavor while imparting a fruity sweetness to the meat. It's the same wood blend she uses when cooking pulled pork for her popular catering company, Wilson's A1 BBQ, which has been in business for two years. You can find them online at http://ift.tt/2fqOImx. Also distinctive will be Wilson's signature rub, a secret blend of spices that Pagan is keeping close to the vest, but which she hopes will help her pull off a win in the amateur category. Keeping things very down-home, Pagan said her team plans to dish up a side of greens with smoked meat along with her family recipe cornbread, and then lay on the sweetness with candied yams.

AHH Townley

A former Navy pilot who came home to Arkansas a few years back to run the family business, Townley Pools and Spas, David Townley will be using the hog roast to show off the versatility of an item he sells a lot of in his store: the Big Green Egg ceramic cooker. Townley Pools and Spas offers the whole line of Big Green Egg products, which burn wood charcoal and can be used to cook everything from ribs to pies thanks to their unique, insulated design. Townley plans to cook his team's sides and pork butt entirely on Mini Max Eggs, a tailgating-sized version that's the smallest member of the Big Green Egg family. Townley's team will be utilizing rubs created by the Georgia-based Lane's BBQ (another product sold through his store) to start, then will smoke over a mixture of apple and peach wood to give the pork a sweet flavor. For sides, Townley plans to make what he called "sorta-white coleslaw," a unique take on slaw that utilizes Lane's BBQ's Sorta-White barbecue sauce, along with a classic cornbread.

2017 Arkansas Times Whole Hog Roast preview

[sherristockman]

How to Cook Salmon Like a Pro Dr. Mercola “Versatile” is probably one of the best words to describe salmon. It can be baked, broiled, grilled, poached, roasted, smoked, added to salads or stews or minced to be mixed in burgers and savory fish cakes. You can even whip up salmon in dips and spreads. But if you’re a novice in the kitchen, chances are you may not be familiar on how to best cook this delicious but delicate fish. If you’re not careful, you may end up with a charred, tasteless and unappetizing mess. This guide will help you learn the basics on how to cook salmon – from choosing the right variety (read: Wild Alaskan salmon is the best), storing it and prolonging its shelf life, to actual preparation methods. But first, you must know the importance of why choosing the right fish is essential, not only to satisfy your palate, but to safeguard your health as well. The Basics on Salmon: Why Choosing Wild Alaskan Salmon Is Crucial Oily fish like salmon are rich in omega-3 fats, particularly docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA), which are both essential for your brain, heart and immune system health. Plus, salmon is an abundant source of protein, B vitamins and the antioxidant vitamin E.[i] However, most fish farms today are actually aquatic versions of CAFOs (concentrated animal feeding operations), where fish are not only fed an unnatural diet but also fall victim to diseases and parasites that threaten their viability (For more information, read my article on the dangers of farmed salmon). Because of this, the only salmon I recommend you to buy is wild Alaskan salmon (Salmo). So how can you tell if salmon is wild or farm-raised? The clue is in the flesh. True wild sockeye salmon is bright red because of its natural astaxanthin content, which is one of the highest concentrations you’ll find in any food. Plus, wild Alaskan salmon is very lean. Hence, its white strips (fat marks) are quite thin. So if you buy salmon that’s pale pink with wide fat marks, it’s likely farmed. You should also avoid salmon labeled “Atlantic salmon,” as these are almost always farmed. Instead look for salmon (whether fresh, frozen or canned) that’s labeled “Alaskan salmon,” “wild Alaskan salmon” or “sockeye salmon.” How Long Is Salmon Good For? The shelf life of salmon depends on a variety of factors. Ideally, once you buy fresh salmon, you should cook it immediately to maximize its freshness. But if you want to cook it at a later time, that’s all right – just remember to put it in the freezer. As much as possible, do not leave raw salmon out at room temperature (between 40 to 140 degrees F) for long periods of time, as this may cause bacteria to grow rapidly. If left out for more than two hours at room temperature, discard the salmon. However, if properly stored and frozen, the fish will maintain its quality for two to three months, but may remain safe to eat even after that. Another way to maximize the shelf life of this fish is to wrap it in its original packaging and then overwrapping it with aluminum foil, freezer paper or plastic wrap. This will help prevent freezer burn.[ii] How to Tell If Salmon Is Bad The best way to know if salmon has gone bad is to use your senses. Remember that fresh salmon should have a bright and moist flesh and does not have a strong and smelly odor. If you’re hit by a strong fishy odor upon opening the packaging, then that’s a sign that the salmon should no longer be consumed. Other undesirable traits include a slimy and milky flesh and discoloration around the edges,[iii] and sunken, cloudy eyes.[iv] Fresh salmon should have a silvery and shiny skin (scales), bright red flesh and clear eyes (if buying a whole fish). The skin should also be resilient to the touch.[v] How to Cook Salmon Like a Pro: Different Methods You Can Try How long you cook salmon depends on the preparation method you’ve chosen, but overall, it usually takes anywhere between 12 to 15 minutes. The preparation method also dictates on which cut of fish work best. If you’re feeding a large group and you want to cook the salmon in the grill or in the oven, a whole fish works well, but if you opt to pan-sear the salmon on top of the stove, individual fillets may be better.[vi] Below are some examples of how to cook salmon efficiently. How to Cook Salmon on the Stove: Pan-Frying Salmon Pan-frying is great for salmon fillets, mainly because it’s easy and quick. Another bonus is that frying gives the skin a crunchy and crispy texture (some even compare it to bacon). Just remember that when frying salmon (or any food), it’s best to use coconut oil instead of other cooking oils. Here’s what you should do:[vii] 1. The fillet should be room temperature, not cold. According to The Kitchn:[viii] “When cold fish is added to a hot pan, the fillets will immediately seize up and are more likely to cook unevenly. Instead, remove the fish from the refrigerator about 15 to 20 minutes before you're ready to start cooking, in order to bring them up to room temperature.” 2. Dry the fillets properly before frying. Pat the salmon fillets dry with a clean dish towel or a paper towel. This will prevent them from sticking to the pan and will also give the skin a nice crisp. Sprinkle with salt and pepper before putting the fish in the pan. 3. Make sure the pan is really hot before adding anything in. The flame should be medium or medium-high. Pour in a thin layer of coconut oil and let it heat up until the oil is shimmering. To check if the oil is hot enough, flick a few drops of water into the pan – if it sizzles and evaporates at once, it’s good to go. 4. Put the salmon on the pan skin side down. Salmon skin is durable and tough, and is able to withstand more time on the hot skillet without overcooking.[ix] Don’t forget to season the fillets before adding it in the pan. Add them one by one as well, careful as you do so, to avoid being splattered by oil. 5. Don’t be tempted to move around the salmon. Do not prod or poke it with a spatula or it might break apart. Instead, let it sizzle for five to six minutes before flipping it to cook the other side. Remember that when pan-frying salmon, the large portion of the cooking process happens when the skin is resting against the pan’s surface. Keep a close eye on the fish (without touching it) – you’ll see the fillet’s color beginning to change, lightening from deep dark red to pale pink. Once the color has changed to three-quarters from the bottom, you can flip the salmon. Let it cook for a couple more minutes – you’ll get a tender and flaky fish with a super-crispy skin. How to Cook Salmon in the Oven Baking salmon in the oven is one of the easiest and fuss-free ways to cook this fish. The cleanup is also minimal, as long as you remember to line your baking tray. Follow these easy steps from Greatist:[x] 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Line your baking dish or sheet tray with parchment paper and place the salmon fillets on top. Pat them dry with a paper towel. 2. Drizzle coconut oil all over the salmon and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste (you can use any other seasonings you prefer). 3. Place in the top half of the oven and allow to bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Around the 10-minute mark, you can start checking for doneness, but remember that if the fillet is thicker, it will need more time. When the flesh flakes easily with a fork, it’s ready to be served. 4. Optional: Squeeze a wedge of lemon all over the salmon before serving for an added citrusy flavor. How to Grill Salmon A summertime favorite for many people is grilled salmon steak or fillet, and for good reason – grilling not only imparts a smokey flavor to the fish, but less cleanup is needed as well. Keep in mind these tips:[xi] 1. Make sure you start with hot coals, placing the lightly oiled fish skin-side down on the grate diagonally, giving them the lovely grill marks. 2. Flip it after five minutes. To do this, simply slide a spatula under the fish – if the flesh refuses to separate from the grate, leave it for another minute or two and then try again. 3. Make sure that you do not char the meat while cooking. How to Poach Salmon If you don’t like your salmon to be too oily because of using coconut oil, poaching is a great alternative you can try. It’s also great if you want to “sauce up” your salmon or are planning to transform them into fresh salmon fish cakes. To poach salmon, simply simmer the fish in water flavored with a pinch of salt, a few whole peppercorns, or a bay leaf. Make sure there’s enough water (you can also use homemade bone broth for a deeper flavor) covering the fillets. For a gentle poach, let the water or other liquid simmer, slide the fish in and cover the pan. Turn off the heat and allow the salmon to gently cook for about 25 minutes. [xii] How Will You Know If Salmon Is Done Cooking? According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, most seafood, including fish like salmon, should be cooked to an internal temperature of 145 degrees Fahrenheit.[xiii] You can use a meat thermometer to check the doneness of your salmon. Push the tip into the middle of the fillet, at the thickest part. Ideally, check the internal temperature of the salmon a few minutes before it’s finished cooking, so that you will avoid overcooking the fish. Look for salmon that is opaque -- the meat should slightly resist flaking or pulling away from the bone. Pressing the top of the fish also lets you check if the salmon is cooked. The fish should be firm to the touch, but will give a bit when pressure is applied to it. Signs that the salmon is overcooked is opaque meat that easily flakes or breaks apart – this means there’s a lack of moisture in it.[xiv] Get Started With These Easy, Healthy and Scrumptious Salmon Recipes Now that you know the basics on how to cook salmon – fillets, whole fish or steaks – you can start experimenting in the kitchen with different recipes. Here are three delicious and satisfying salmon recipes to get you started. Salmon Supreme Recipe by Dr. Mercola Ingredients: 2 pounds wild Alaskan or sockeye salmon 2 tablespoons of Dr. Mercola’s coconut oil 1 tablespoon paprika 1 tablespoon Old Bay seasoning* Freshly ground black pepper Pinch of Dr. Mercola’s Himalayan salt Procedure: 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Rinse and pat dry salmon. Place on baking sheet and brush coconut oil on both sides. Place skin side down and sprinkle the paprika and Old Bay seasoning on top. Grind a few good turns of black pepper and sprinkle a scant amount of gray salt. 3. Bake for 12 minutes. Remove from oven and cover with foil. Let stand for about 5 to 10 minutes. The salmon will continue to cook while resting. Cut into 4 pieces and serve. *NOTE: If Old Bay Seasoning is not available, another seafood seasoning would be fine, or a combination of celery salt, dried mustard, black pepper and a small amount of the following: ground bay leaves, ground cloves, allspice, ginger, mace, cardamom, cinnamon and paprika. Almond-Crusted Salmon With Steamed Broccoli and Sweet Potato Hash Brown by Melody Bonal Ingredients: 4 fresh or thawed Alaskan wild-caught salmon filets 1 cup almond meal or pulverized almonds from food processor 8 tablespoons Dr. Mercola’s coconut oil 2 medium sweet potatoes grated 1 large head of broccoli Dr. Mercola’s Himalayan salt Black pepper 1 teaspoon butter 1 teaspoon Dr. Mercola’s coconut oil 1 teaspoon olive oil Pinch of cinnamon Pinch of garlic powder Pinch of turmeric Procedure: 1. Heat coconut oil in 2 separate frying pans, 4 tablespoons per pan. 2. Place grated sweet potatoes in one pan in patty form. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Cook over medium-high heat until brown around the edges, then flip and cook the other side. 3. Dredge salmon in almond meal. Place in hot oil and cook 5 to 6 minutes per side, and then remove from pan. 4. Heat water to steam broccoli. Steam for approximately 7 to 10 minutes. Drizzle with butter, coconut oil and olive oil, and then add salt, pepper, garlic powder and turmeric. Coconut Kale With Sesame-Crusted Salmon Recipe by Dr. Mercola Coconut Kale Ingredients: 3 tablespoons Dr. Mercola’s coconut oil 2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger 1 bunch kale, chopped 1 1/2 cups coconut milk Salt and pepper to taste Procedure: 1. Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add the ginger and sauté over medium heat for 5 minutes. 2. Add the kale, sauté, stirring constantly for 5 minutes. 3. Add the coconut milk and season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil. Cover and reduce the heat, and simmer until kale is tender. Salmon Ingredients: 6 wild Alaskan salmon steaks 4 tablespoons raw butter 4 tablespoons Dr. Mercola’s coconut oil 4 tablespoons minced ginger 1 cup sesame seeds Dr. Mercola’s Himalayan salt and freshly ground pepper to taste Procedure: 1. Preheat oven to 475 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. In a small pan, melt the butter and oil with the ginger. 3. Brush the butter, oil and ginger on the pieces of salmon. Roll the salmon in the sesame seeds. Place the salmon on an oiled sheet pan and refrigerate for about 15 minutes. 4. Place the salmon in the oven and roast until the sesame seeds are brown and the salmon is rare inside, about 3 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

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New Post has been published on Bestnewsmag

New Post has been published on https://bestnewsmag.com/mac-cheese-all-time-comfort-food/

Mac & Cheese: All-time comfort food

Mac McGovern changed into born in Dubuque, Iowa and lived there the maximum of his young people. most of his adult life he served in the US Army, retiring in 1995.

Mac has numerous reports in the US Military as a first-rate Hospital Corpsman, Cardiopulmonary Technologist, Director of the Naval Faculty of the Health Sciences Cardiopulmonary Approach School and of the Encephalography Approach College. He developed and implemented “The Competency Based totally Educational Systems Software” to be used in all technical training applications in all military services. It is nevertheless the usual in use nowadays. He served as a Scientific Recruiter, Educator, turned into the first Master education Professional in the Military and is a Nation of Florida Journeyman Recruiter. As a civilian, he worked as a Domestic Improvement Govt and licensed Florida Roofing Contractor. He has written and published ten books of poetry, one on Domestic Improvement Contracting, one memoir and makes use of his large know-how in writing articles, and blogs.

Mac writes from the heart and is encouraged incredibly by using what he sees, feels, hears, and to a larger extent, what’s gleaned from his thoughts’ eye. today, Mac is living in Pensacola, Florida with the muse and love of his life, his wife Sandra.

In May 2011, he invented a brand new poetic shape known as “Interchanging Poetry.” A story combining poetry with dialogue, debate, dialog, or description; the usage of poetry to emphasize the narrative. The reason, to broaden interchanging literary gadgets to decorate poetic discourse.

Mac relies upon on two food to assist him in comfort,

mainly when he has the dreaded writer’s block. They’re:”Assume you could or Think you cannot, you are constantly proper.”Regardless of what you write, someone will like it.”

He bids you challenge into his realm of “what the mind can conceive, the pen can achieve” as a friend and leave as own family. What food makes you experience comforted and glad? Is it cookies? Ice Cream? Mashed potatoes? Or perhaps just Macaroni and Cheese. How about all of the above? Yum!

you can have most any consolation meals that taste just as rich and scrumptious and is just as fulfilling as the conventional version or even more, but in its healthiest, even healing, form. How is that feasible? Without a doubt replacement components a good way to create a similar appearance and texture, however with even extra taste. As an instance, if your favorite consolation food recipe begins with butter, use ghee, or clarified butter. you may discover it inside the worldwide section of nearly each Fitness meals store, If you’re very industrious, you may make your own.

In place of sugar, use whole leave stevia extract (Fitness shop or 8db290b6e1544acaffefb5f58daa9d83), that can actually help the pancreas, from what I pay attention. A way to get it to flavor more like sugar? Upload fruit to the recipe. As an instance, baking a cake with unsweetened apple sauce plus stevia.

Want to replace a dangerous thickener? Use the equal amount of Kuzu Root or Arrowroot powder. Kuzu root is stated to be correct for the stomach.

Use mineral-wealthy salts along with purple Himalayan Sea Salt or pink Hawaiian salt. Yummy flavors!

update cow’s milk merchandise with goat milk, or for vegans, use coconut milk for candy recipes, and cashew cream for savory (soak cashews in water until they absorb it all and mix in blender).

Pasta-enthusiasts do this for an exchange -julienned zucchini, which simply has a piece of taste, instead of pasta, which tastes absolutely bland via itself. See recipe underneath for ideas.

Of course, you should always take a look at together with your medical doctor when you have any Fitness concerns in any respect.

Mac and Cheese for All!

components on line Man or woman:

1 cup aggregate green and/or yellow zucchini, cut into “macaroni” length slices (julienne-style- thick)

¼ teaspoon Salt

½ teaspoon Kuzu or Arrowroot powder (Fitness keep)

1 Tablespoon purified Water

1 teaspoon Ghee (clarified butter- Health keep), OR Butter, OR for vegans, High Warmth Oil of preference

½ cup grated Cheddar or different Cheese of desire. I suggest goat cheddar for healing factor. For Vegans/ dairy-loose, use Almond Cheese or other of choice.

on-line:

1. Sautee’ Zucchini in Ghee or Oil, including Salt. (Medium Heat)

2. Soften Kuzu in Water at the same time as Zucchini cooks.

three. while Zucchini cooked in your liking, Upload grated Cheese, stirring at the same time as it melts.

four. Add Kuzu/Water mix and stir speed till it thickens.

Versions: Add tomato bits, fresh or sundried, sausage of preference, herbs of desire which include dill or rosemary, other meats or cheeses. Vegans, Upload sprouted or toasted nuts or seeds.

meals sustain life, yet it’s so plenty more than something we Need to nourish our-our bodies. meals at its essence are love, existence and the heart of society. meals bring humans collectively. It’s far the shared flavors of friendship and network. We love being with others taking part in the tastes and textures of food. Frequently via those shared studies intimacy develops, reminiscences exist and relationships thrive.

We fondly bear in mind childhood meals experiences, Frequently wishing to replicate the one’s tastes that remind us of Home. food is in the middle of our sense of family and relationships. Positive aromas shipping us again in time to the humans and places we care about. We recollect family picnics and meals festivals.

Irrespective of who we’re or from which lifestyle we come, every society offers careful concept to the daily preparation of meals for an own family, friends or maybe strangers. food manner love. This is genuine whether or not we are the cook dinner or the one who eats.

food is at the heart of society. We discover ways to behave in society and have interaction with others in life-Based totally on the sort of eating ritual we experienced developing up. we are linked to others near and some distance through meals. we’re interdependent because of international alternate and trade. The food on our tables comes from farmers everywhere for the duration of our planet.

food, greater than another detail in society, binds us together. Our lives are emotionally impacted via meals manufacturing around the sector. In some nations, human beings pass hungry, whilst in others, human beings suffer infection as a result of an overabundance of meals.

A thirteenth-century Buddhist chief-philosopher, Nichiren, while in exile, wrote in a letter thanking a follower for sending him food: “Rice isn’t Surely rice, It is lifestyles itself.” food is lifestyles itself. It is our link with every other. food is love, lifestyles and at the heart of society. Fittingly, the foods which can be first-rate for our bodies also are pleasant for our society.

Angela Baden is an e-commerce entrepreneur and previous private chef who loves cooking, attempting new recipes and ingesting appropriate meals. She duplicates a number of her favorite dishes the cooks at billion dollar restaurants like Olive Garden and Cheesecake Factory cook.

Learn how you could prepare dinner your favorite dishes for your personal kitchen, too, and save your price range. Get easy step by means of step instructions for making the one’s famous fish, fowl or vegetarian food your family desires and loves.

It’s all over the magazines, frequently featured on television, and even some newspapers are in on the game. Advice on what to wear and what not to wear. The people we surround ourselves with tend to be all too happy to share their thoughts on our outfits. It’s hard to avoid, because the message is everywhere, and if we don’t follow the trend, we’re told we’ve “let ourselves go”.

But does it really matter? After all, the main purpose of clothing is to keep us warm and safe from the environment that surrounds us. Clothes are meant to be functional. Without fur or feathers to keep us comfortable, we rely on different materials to do the job for us. It certainly is nice when clothes look attractive, but no matter how appealing something is, if it doesn’t feel pleasant against the skin and if it is a pain to wear, why should we subject ourselves to it simply because it’s fashion?

One fashion statement has divided women’s opinions for decades – the high-heeled shoe. Some women wear them because it’s generally thought that they make legs look good. Some wear them because they make you look taller. Some actually find them comfortable to wear, whilst others can’t manage to walk more than a few steps in them without twisting an ankle. They can cause foot problems, leg and back pain, all in the name of fashion. Is it worth it?

The answer is not as straightforward as it seems. Generally speaking, the older we get, the less we care about what’s in and what’s out. We’ve decided on what we like to wear and what we feel comfortable in, so when we go on a shopping spree, we’re likely to get more of the same or similar. We may get the occasional “fancy” item for special occasions, but if we like our jeans and trainers, that’s what we will return to on a day to day basis.

Like any industry, fashion is about money. The constant change in trends that makes people change the content of their wardrobes throughout the year is designed to keep us spending our cash. If fashion magazines told us that the latest must-have is, in fact, the same must-have as last year, and the year before that, people would only replace that item if it were damaged or if it didn’t fit anymore. To keep customers on their toes, and to keep people in the industry in work, fashion must keep evolving.

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Wondergrahams - Caterpillar E Juice

Vendor: Caterpillar E Juice Type: E Juice Price: 22.99 Wondergrahams - Caterpillar E Juice    It's a wonder that you will ever vape another juice after trying this blend and experiencing its delicious, wholesome flavor that hits all of the right spots with ease. You are going to love being able to fire up your mod and taste all of the shockingly realistic flavors that are included within this juice that has peoples jaws dropping to the ground as soon as they are able to get a taste of the different, complex notes that are held within it. It's almost like this blend was made with all day, every day vaping in mind because it's flavor really is one that you can never really grow tired of and will want to have by your side everywhere that you happen to go. You might even recognize the taste from those little bear shaped cookies that you would get in your lunch back when you were going to school. When any of your fellow vaping friends get a whiff of the amazing clouds that you are going to be able to make with this juice, they are going to be begging you to find out just what it is so that they can buy a bottle or two for themselves. Caterpillar E Juice is a line that makes creative and fun loving vape juice blends that are going to carve out their own special spot in any collection that they join. They use only the very best of ingredients to ensure that every inhale that you take is up to your high standards. Wondergrahams starts off with a buttery, savory graham cracker base that is accented by a hint of spicy cinnamon and sticky sweet honey that is the ultimate complementary pairing that your senses will go crazy for. Primary Flavors: Graham Cracker, Honey, Cinnamon https://breazy.com/products/wondergrahams-caterpillar-e-juice?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr #vape #vaping #eliquid #vape #vaping #breazy

[sherristockman]

What's so Great About Oregano? Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola You may already know that oregano is the "secret" herb that takes tomato sauce to a new level of savory and can even put flavor in butter sauces and chicken dishes that have people begging you for your recipes. Oregano is an ancient, perennial herb, being an integral cooking ingredient in what is now known as Eurasia for thousands of years. The entire Mediterranean is well acquainted with this food-enhancing spice, but it's probably no surprise that Greece and Italy are noted as the regions where it most likely originated. Because it's related to mint, which is from the menthe family of plants, you may detect a similarly cool but distinctive essence when you crush a leaf from the oregano plant between your fingers. Oregano has many of the same therapeutic qualities as mint, and the scent may also remind you of thyme. Strolling through a garden that includes oregano, you may not be overwhelmed by the scent and aroma nearly as much as when the herb is dried. Greek oregano, or Origanum heracleoticum, is the variety recommended for your culinary endeavors. As an herb, it makes sense that oregano provides health benefits. You might be surprised how many there are, though, and that the powerful properties extend throughout your whole body. Organic farm Floral Encounters offers a succinct account of the traditional uses for oregano: "The leaves and flowering stems have a strong antiseptic effect and a tincture of tea is used to treat colds, influenza, mild feverish illnesses, indigestion, stomach upsets and painful menstruation. It is also a sedative and should not be taken in large doses although mild teas have a restful soothing effect and can help with sleep. A liniment using the herb is used to treat bronchitis, asthma, arthritis and muscular pain. The essential oil can be used to relieve toothache."1 But first, here's some good information about how to include this easy-to-grow, must-have herb in your own garden. As always, organic seeds or seedlings from a reputable source are preferred to ensure they're not tainted by harmful chemicals. From Seeds or From Cuttings, Oregano Is Easy to Grow Cooks all over the world happily report how easy it is to cultivate this herb in their gardens, patio containers and inside on window sills. It's bushy, low-growing and attractive, with tender, oval leaves and woody stems. Oregano loves sunshine and is easily grown from seed or propagated from cuttings placed in water in a sunny spot. It's the "sun-lover" aspect of oregano that makes it grow best when it's warm. Many gardeners wait until the soil is 70 degrees F before planting the seed and do so in well-drained soil as opposed to clay that's tightly packed. Similar to basil, oregano plants grow more dense when their branches are snipped or pinched back after they've reached about 4 inches in length. This also prevents a tendency toward undesirable "legginess," which could eventually threaten the health of the plant. Additionally, it's best to thin seedlings to about 8 inches apart, and trim occasionally so they don't begin to flower, which can weaken the strong essence of the leaves. Heirloom Organics advises: "Trim plants back before flowering (approximately [five] to [six] weeks after planting) to stimulate a dense growth habit. If you allow some of the flowers to produce and drop their seed, you can keep your oregano patch fresh and vigorous. Remove 3- to 4-year-old plants to keep the bed quality high."2 Every four years or so and in early spring, thin out oregano plants for optimal hardiness. They're lovely for landscaping, especially with their tiny lavender blossoms. According to Farmer's Almanac,3 water your oregano plants well, but maybe not as often as some other herbs. To dry, cut the stems before the buds open and hang or lay them flat on wire racks. When the leaves are completely dry (as damp leaves will almost certainly mold) harvest them, place them in a tightly sealed glass jar and don't forget to label them. Saved seed heads placed in a paper bag will keep for around five years. Herbal Assets for Your Whole Body As an herb, oregano contains a number of interesting phytonutrients that help give this genre of plants such a well-deserved reputation for healing. • Immune health. Strengthening your immune system is one area oregano targets due to its high rosmarinic acid and thymol content. Both of these compounds are powerful antioxidants, which studies have shown lower oxidative stress in your body caused by free radicals. Organic Facts describes free radicals as "the destructive byproducts of cellular metabolism that can cause cancer and other chronic diseases." One study tested the antioxidant activity of 39 commonly used herbs, and oregano had three to 20 times higher antioxidant activity than the other herbs studied.4 As for rosmarinic acid, a 2015 study showed it to help prevent aberrant crypt foci (which form before colorectal polyps) in rats, as well as to significantly reduce DNA damage.5 • Improved digestion. You may not think of herbs in terms of having much fiber, but oregano does. Besides helping food to move through your system faster, decreasing the time it spends hanging around in your colon, fiber also helps increase the rate at which your system absorbs nutrients. • Heart health. One of the most advantageous aspects of oregano is that it's a natural source of omega-3 fatty acids, a type of fat that improves, rather than degrades, your heart health as an excess amount of omega-6 fatty acids can do. Omega-3s help reduce heart inflammation, rebalance your cholesterol and prevent heart-related diseases such as atherosclerosis, strokes and heart attacks. • Detoxification. Toxins in your food, water and the air you breathe can make you feel run down and even cause illness and disease, but compounds such as B vitamins in oregano tackle these, too, improving your metabolism as well as your energy levels. • Antibacterial properties. Carvacrol, as well as thymol, give oregano antibacterial benefits, particularly useful in your gut, as well as your skin and other areas. As a stimulating agent, it can speed up your metabolism, stimulate your white blood cells and help you recover from illness more rapidly. One study reports that carvacrol "possess[es] a variety of biological and pharmacological properties including antioxidant, antibacterial, antifungal, anticancer, anti-inflammatory, hepatoprotective (liver protective), spasmolytic and vasorelaxant (reduces tension in your blood vessels)."6 Cooking With Oregano There are different schools of thought regarding whether or not you should use fresh or dried oregano for cooking. As is so often the case, it depends. The City Cook explains: "It's not often that I'd choose a dried herb over fresh. The flavor difference between fresh and dried thyme is huge, with fresh thyme being softer and more complex; dried can be bitter … But dried oregano adds a flavor that both compliments and complements, without dominating other ingredients. Dried oregano also adds that this-is-Italian flavor that we insist upon in our [favorite Italian dishes]."7 To help you experiment with this herb, here are a few things to note: Rubbing dried oregano between your fingers releases the most flavor into your dishes as you're cooking, but you also want to add it toward the end of cooking. Red peppers, eggplant, tomatoes and green beans are good all by themselves, but they become delicious with a little oregano added! When seasoning your grass fed burgers (or even veggie burgers) the flavor you get from fresh oregano is brighter and more flavorful, according to thekitchn.com.8 Just mix 1 or 2 tablespoons into the mix with a pound or so of meat mixture, and you'll love the result. Although they have a similar taste, Mediterranean oregano and Mexican oregano are from two different plants. Mexican oregano is actually related to lemon verbena and is much more pungent, while Mediterranean oregano is slightly sweeter. Oregano Oil: Benefits and Uses Of course, there are many vitamins, minerals and other nutrients in oregano that your body can make great use of on your journey of health. These include vitamins A, C and E, providing vision and cell protection; vitamin K to help keep your blood at the right consistency; folate to help form RNA and DNA building blocks and lots of iron, which helps prevent anemia. Additionally, it contains magnesium and calcium for bone metabolization; vitamin B6 for optimal brain function; potassium to maintain your heart rate and blood pressure; and manganese and copper, both important for your body's optimal use of the enzyme superoxide dismutase. Oregano oil is extremely versatile, as it's used in everything from meat dishes to salads. As a medicinal, however, it should always be diluted, because it's very potent. Oregano oil has some fantastic capabilities for healing. One study showed it to be rich in antioxidant phytochemical flavonoids and phenolic acids, able to eradicate bacteria in biofilms (cells that stick together and can form bacteria-laden plaque) with higher efficiency than lab-concocted drugs.9 Other therapeutic uses for oregano oil include: ✓ Sinus infections and colds ✓ Urinary tract infections (UTIs) ✓ Athlete's foot and nail fungus ✓ Food-borne illness ✓ Parasites ✓ Yeast infections Another study noted that carnosol, another phytochemical in oregano, was "evaluated for anticancer property in prostate, breast, skin, leukemia, and colon cancers with promising results."10