#everything is very mild
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my parents are good cooks on a technical level, but in hindsight their cooking is very bland
like, ive never smelled food cooked in oil until like a year ago
#since my sibling bought a bottle of peanut oil my mom decided to be fancy and cook chicken in it#and GOD it smelled so gooddddddd holy shit#we never had chicken growing up because my dad would not let my mom season it all#so she just didn't bother#but a few years ago she figured out a compromise where she marinades the chicken#then bakes it#and that's not Too Much for dad#so when we have chicken its baked but fried in oil? good fucking gravy#mickey.txt#and honestly i don't think their cooking is bad#its just not very flavorful. not even in a savory sense e#everything is very mild#so anything with a hint of spiciness or sweetness or umami is a treat for me
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fandom will see the most interesting deep and nuanced character and reduce their entire plot and portrayal to "slutty sexy slut needs to get railed" and it's honestly so tiring
#tiring is too mild of a word... it's SO FUCKING EXHAUSTING#dfgkjdfg#you can write fanfic you can draw fanart you can have conversations about sex and characters but BY GOD there's more to media and to life#i'm so sick of allos#angel talks#personal#yes this is about ofmd but it's also about everything esle because you can't escape them lol#anyways i am having a blast enjoying fandoms by myself lately which is very very good :')
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You ever get lulled into a false sense of security during the first two thirds of a kid's movie that's good with a serious plot but mostly a pretty fun time, only to have the entire final third tear your heart out, chew it up and spit it out, crush it into even finer paste beneath its heel, and add the fine powder your ribs have been turned into by the sledgehammer it whammed you with as a seasoning?
Anyway Nimona was great, 10/10 would recommend, I was crying on and off for what probably totaled 20 minutes of tears.
#hopeful rambling#nimona#cw graphic#i think that's probably the right tag for that description#anyway yes im a little late to the train but i was waiting until i could watch it with my dearest#my takeaway is that they should put a content warning on it for trans people especially bc you will feel punched in the face#that allegory sure can trans.#i think i related to it in a different way than most people#bc being genderqueer yeah nimona going im not a girl im just myself hit home but im not *trans*#so i think i actually ended up projecting onto balistar as someone who deeply loves a trans person (different ways obviously)#being told 'yes you can rejoin the society you betrayed you aren't like *her* you arent a monster everything can go back to what it was#you can be one of the good guys if you reject the freaks'#but they betrayed you first and the good guys aren't good and how things were is worse actually than saying i love you i see you im with you#to the freaks and the monsters who will accept who you are unlike the society that never will always keeping you to an impossible standard#of never being yourself#so yeah the religious/societal prejudice trauma was very felt at some points#and i grieved for nimona not because she was me but because she was my dearest and she was a friend#and she was a thousand people i will never know who decided it was better to die as yourself than be killed as someone you aren't#and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you.#anyway. yeah im still crying. altered my brain chemistry is mild i think it rearranged my organs punched a hole in my chest and i thanked it#nimona spoilers
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Why has Barnaby made TWO hospital visits in one year??? What was the first one about??? [<-Talking about the Human AU]
no yeah the first one was Howdy's brief stint (a couple hours) for the whole smoke inhilation minor injuries from the fire thing.
the second one was for Wally's festive lil car crash where he comes very close to Fuckign Dying!!! and. well. technically there are many different visits for that one cause he's in the hospital for a hot sec, but yk. technically only two hospital-worthy events
#barnaby: oh man howdy being in the hospital was terrifying!#barnaby: i sure hope i never have to experience anything like this again!#and- whats that? WHY ITS WALLY DARLING WITH A STEEL CHAIR-#its a very distressing event for everyone!!!#a long night of a bunch of colorful Very Stressed friends in a waiting room followed by several weeks of equally stressed visits#its a Bad Accident#like a 'its a borderline miracle that wally survived' accident#the rest of the au is pretty feel-good and the angst is more mild & normal/expected#this is like. just the Big Dramatic Event that fucks everyone up ahaha#i needed to include at least one!!!#its very detailed in my mind...#from the call getting cut off to barnaby sobbing his heart out in the hospital parking garage to etc etc etc#rambles from the bog#wh modern human au#its fun! for me. and anyone who enjoys this flavor of Fictional Drama#ive been going through reddit threads & articles & sites all morning researching medical stuff#as i am wont to do when thinking about characters getting injured <3#usually its for stuff like stab wounds and disembowelment and hypothermia and lung collapse and- you get the picture#car crashes Surprisingly are rarely in my wheelhouse of angst! for some reason! theyre very juicy!#anyway i like to get everything as accurate as possible in my head#and then take Creative Liberties bc this is fiction#but! they're purposeful (mild) inaccuracies! if im gonna do something wrong im gonna do it Correctly!#do the. do the something wrong correctly. do the wrong thing Right! on purpose!#so that if people go 'well uhm acktually' i can say with my entire chest I Know! I Did This On Purpose! Thank You!
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For a movie featuring basically zero explicitly queer characters, Across the Spider-Verse was pretty fucking queer.
#see: trans (allegory?) gwen stacy#see: coming out to your parents and not knowing if they’ll still love you afterwards#having a major part of your identity be something you need to hide#thinking you’re a lone freak and then finding out that there are actually SO MANY other people like you#and then realizing that just because you’re part of the same community it doesn’t mean you automatically see eye-to-eye on everything#coming out to your parents and they’re not ready for it and they don’t react the way you’d hope#community elders taking you in because they’ve been there#community elders channeling their trauma into trying to keep the kids safe#community elders perpetuating trauma because they can’t not when trauma responses are what’s kept them alive#and like. a bunch of this is common to a lot of different marginalized communities#and a bunch more is common to growing up and becoming your own person#which is why it’s been at the center of a lot of superhero stuff since superhero stuff has been a thing#and why superhero stuff can resonate with a wide variety of people from different backgrounds#but also: Choices Were Made#spider man: across the spider verse spoilers#spiderman atsv spoilers#<- very mild and in the tags but still. better safe etc.#anyway a+ movie can’t wait to watch it again
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My FL main went through some really weird, organic development over the...oh god, I think it's been five years since I started playing now.
So my main is named Skadi Larkin. They are a little bastard. They started out extremely 2D; I named them after my favorite Norse goddess and the protagonist of the book I was reading at the time. I originally wanted to make them female like both of their namesakes, but the second I saw the third-gender option, I thought it was too good to pass up. This is where they got their primary base characterization as a mad scientist who wanted to Cause Problems.
Then I started the Nemesis ambition and forgot which option I'd chosen for who I was trying to avenge, so they lost both their lover and their older brother under tragic circumstances (only the lover was killed by Nemesis's antagonist, though).
Then I got an Exceptional Friendship and had to give my tragic backstory in order to gain entry to the House of Chimes. Skadi pulled said tragic backstory (orphaned in a hansom accident) more or less out of their ass, but it did establish that their parents are dead.
Somewhere down the line, I realized that technically Skadi is a linguist, since the Correspondence is a language, and I made that their profession on the Surface as well.
Around this time, I started working on character designs for my fan comic. I got really into messing around with skin tone, and somewhere along the line thought it would be fun to draw Skadi (who was originally white) with darker skin, and it stuck.
Then I abruptly realized I was taking a lot of options that increased my Melancholy, and almost all of them were based on the Surface. So now Skadi has a longing for the Surface.
I left the game for a few years, but somewhere during this stretch of time, and I don't know how this happened, but I decided Skadi was now Native American; specifically, Metis. I changed their design to incorporate a sash woven in a style characteristic of the Metis, which also added a bit of color to their design (which was mostly black or grey at this point).
During this time, I started incorporating Skadi into my fan comic. This would eventually lead me to actually flesh out their backstory in greater detail. When I started playing the game again, I also created my first alt by total accident (long story), and I decided to weave her backstory with Skadi's.
So Skadi is in the interesting position of being an Indigenous person who is what we'd probably consider Two-Spirit today but they'd just call "Bollocks to that gender crap". They never belonged on the Surface, since the Metis are in a bit of a liminal space compared to other tribes due to their interesting background (the Metis are the descendants of French settlers and Indigenous inhabitants, mostly Cree), and Skadi exists in a liminal space within that liminal space due to only being half-Metis and raised primarily in white culture, although they still maintained a connection to it through their late mother. They also never belonged because no one else on the Surface outside of the communities they already felt isolated from would ever accept them for their gender. London gave them a chance to express one of those, but not both, and despite knowing that the Surface hates them just for existing, they still long to return.
#fallen london#fallen london oc#mild fallen london spoilers ig#there's a really interesting dichotomy with all of my fl characters honestly#skadi's is just probably the most blatant#umbra belacqua (my shadowy alt) is someone who both loves very fiercely and is capable of immense cruelty at the same time#in her backstory she had the husband of her ex-fiancee (who left her at the altar) murdered because she couldn't let go of her ex's betraya#said ex is my persuasive alt and is both very socially gregarious and extremely withdrawn#he probably won't ever get a spouse just because he can't bring himself to love someone else after what happened the last time#and he had very good reason for leaving umbra because he could never love her the way she wanted#and he felt that the sympathy she would receive from his family would more than make up for the heartbreak#since umbra is obsessed with gaining power and prestige and he came from an influential family#and knew that running away with the person he really loved would get him disowned#(he doesn't know umbra killed his husband btw)#my dangerous alt is my persuasive alt's sister#she's trans and badly overcompensating for it by refusing to wear anything except feminine clothing#because it hasn't quite gotten through to her yet that no one in Fallen London particularly cares about her gender expression#and she feels like the only way she can be seriously considered a woman is if she does everything she can to look like one#which causes her a good few problems because her one true passion is violence and that's not usually considered a very feminine hobby#then their younger brother (my watchful alt) is someone ironically very disinclined to violence who resorts to it anyways#the only people he's actually going to try to kill are the ones he has to kill for his ambition#and he's not very happy about it but he doesn't have much of a choice#because while he might not like bloodshed his murdered spouse was an anarchist who definitely did#and he's determined to do right by his memory by...killing a lot of people apparently#he is not a terribly mentally stable man and when i finally get around to making his account#he's going to have a massive nightmares problem that he refuses to deal with and keeps ending up in the royal beth for it#tl;dr all my fallen london characters are going through it and have overly long and complicated backstories#my main just happens to have the most overly long and complicated of them all
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#im so fucking annoyed today. i know its my cramps but god my body hurts and its making me very bitchy#and i still have to be around people like. two more full days. im gonna mcfucking lose it fam#im in mild pain and uncomfortable and dealing with mild sensory overload and theres no quiet place in this apartment andandand#and i get bitched at about everything. its fun#it should be illegal for this week to be this long god let me rest. i can do like two days but after that it becomes a chore#sorry i just need to complain i need a hug#night is an absolute mess on main
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just got a prescription for drugs i had to sign for at the pharmacy. lets fucking go
#i had my specialist appointment today and i was DREADING it. everything was going wrong#the bus didn’t come. i didn’t have food. the doc was running an hour behind#by the time i got there i was half starved having a mild anxiety attack#but then she pulled out my ultrasound results and it showed fucking adenomyosis which means i likely have endometriosis too#let me tell you boys i almost started crying in there#after years of doctors telling me to suck it up & stop being a pussy i have actual proof that i’m not just being a pussy. CRYING#also the specialist told me my gp put me on estrogen for no reason (what i needed was progesterone) and i was so mad bc#that shit gave me feminising features i did not want and which are now irreversible#aside from not actually solving the problem…#anyway i’ve now got paperwork for surgery and different kind of progesterone pill plus the insane ass painkillers i had to sign for#i’m very happy with how that went. we are winning today boys#i feel bad for her bc i was so overwhelmed when she was flinging info at my starved brain at the speed of light#i kinda just shut down & was acting like a corpse in there. i must’ve looked really rude lol#it took me the hour’s walk back into town (was not taking the bus again 😂) to process everything#life
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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The Fluffiest, Most Sappy, Most Cuddle-filled Doodle Dump in Human History
#eggs can art#naegamigiri#byakuya togami#makoto naegi#kyoko kirigiri#shuichi saihara#not tagging the “wants to take Naegi down the aisle’’ trio#pov you meet the big bad remnants of despair at the Naegamigiri wedding and find out they’re all dorks actually#also! Kaito gets to go because his dads are friends with Naegamigiri (I’m basic his dads are ishimondo)#Kiibo also gets to go because I have decided that Chihiro and Souda made him and have joint custody (no ill will between the two ofc)#bunch of other v3 kids get to go as well including your favorite because I said so#naegami#naegiri#togiri#fluff#nothing but fluff (and mild angst)#I don’t think anyone of that trio could have slept alone after that#I think they just kinda. sat there. processing everything for a while until they all passed out on top of each other#also naegi’s apron says Kiss The Hope if you can’t read it#I’m very funny >:)
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Starting the birth control thing today and it may or may not change my entire demeanor (on account of balancing out my shit hormones bc I apparently have PCOS lol) so if I am a different person after this now you know why 👍
#speculation nation#tho most ppl dont experience much of any symptoms when taking it. so ykno maybe itll be fine#it also has depression as a risk and like i dont know if thats actually a risk factor for me#i find joy every day in life even in the little things#i cannot imagine not looking at a small leaf and not feeling joy. or any creature. hearing the ripple of water in a stream#joy is all around us... i will not get depressed...🙏🙏🙏 manifesting#anyways yea the birth control is primarily to balance out my system bcus everything's shit and my periods are wack#it's so weirdly regimented tho. like right down to the day and the cycle and the placebo week (for period week)#my gynecologist said that if i want to skip a period i can just move right on to the next pack tho. very convenient.#might do that if my period would fall on like a vacation or exam week or smth. ykno#i wonder if this'll affect how painful my periods are too. first days are always so debilitating for me#pls take me back to the mild periods of my youth im begging u#(by youth i mean teen years. they were so mild then. i miss it.)#anyways yeah heres more possibly tmi about me. youre welcome
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gonna do the stupid thing for my stupid mental health
#is is the right thing? who knows#but camping made me realize that being away from some of this stuff made me feel a whole lot better#camping is great at bringing back some perspective#does this make me kinda a dick? maybe#but also this responsibility shouldn’t fall solely on me#i’m gonna focus on my friends who make me feel good#and school that makes me feel productive and excited#and everything else can make the effort if it needs my time and energy and emotional investment that badly#god camping was so wet but so good#MANY cool plants and mushrooms#i got to be in the forest info dumping to a captive audience#surrounded by my friends and without the outside world being able to contact me#legit definition of my happy place#lots of cool people to spend my time with#good games and campfire vibes and goofing off with glow sticks#didn’t get as many photos or snuggles as past camping trips but that was bc it was wet#let opportune moments for photo-ops and cuddling while damp is just unpleasant#so no hammock naps but that just gets bumped over to the bucket-list for next year again#and i only had ONE mild bad brain moment#and ONE (separate) bad body moment (and that one was my fault i had two hits of some really strong weed)#(and had a very very bad time for the rest of that night but NOT as bad as last year)#(I swear to god I learned my lesson this year)#so yeah. gonna make a camping bucket list for next year and look at it when i need reminders that there are good things ahead.#personal#(Em and Kat if u see this i love u both so much thank you for including me in your tradition these past several years)#(it means the world to me and i love getting to spend the time with you all!)
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psa: mouth breather jokes arent funny. more often its ppl who are born like that, or have lung issues. people can attempt to fix it and it requires either surgery or forcing your mouth closed which causes jaw and further breathing issues sometimes. some people can doesnt mean all can. get over yourselves and stop making fun of things ppl cant control or cant easily control <3
#sincerely someone who unfortunately has an overbite which causes occasional mouth breathing my entire life despite the attempts to fix it#and the self conciousness my entire life from it#more and more people are causing people to be self concious of being alive. you need to shut the fuck up because i guarantee u arent living#i have very mild sleep apnea and i snore but i use sometimes snore strips and stuff to avoid snoring and i cannot get this fixed#apnea machine also caused me to lose sleep for days instead of help and caused me a sensory overload on a daily basis.#so yeah things arent easily fixable and theres nothing ugly about these things#if you focus on everything someone else is doing get some fucking therapy
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did in intentionally format the jeno drabble to look like a smut fic only for people to get slapped in the face with bullshit absurdity? absolutely!!!
#i was this close to putting it in the smut tags too HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA#i just think it's very funny.#mild tangent. but i really absolutely cannot take fanfic smut seriously at all 😭😭😭#no shame to any smut writers im sure a good number of you actually put effort in your fics but GOSH every time some smut#stumbles onto my dash by chance in the rare occasions i scroll here#the descriptions always make me laugh!! 😭😭😭😭#it's a me problem.#but i don't really actively look for smut#i don't actively look for fics in general because i'm a picky reader and a narcissist and everything i wanna read is still trapped in my#very own wip hell HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH#this is enough yapping#i need to work ewewewew#im just in a very discursive mood rn yapping hours are ON
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It's always so weird when my brain decides to mess up something that I've always been really good at out of nowhere. Like, I've always been really good at knowing my lefts and rights and mapping things out in my head. But for some reason right now I keep getting my lefts and rights mixed up.
#it's happened before but it always happens during a flare#and everything else is fine right now#it's actually going great#although my tics have been bad for a couple days now#maybe it's a VERY mild flare idk#it just feels weird to suddenly lose the ability to do something like this#it's so small yet it feels so weird idk#chronic illness#actually chronically ill#chronically ill#actually disabled#invisible disability
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🔥
[ask game]
hmm one thing that comes to mind cos i talked about it with a friend recently: i don't mind DAO's vanilla graphcis at all. They're dated, yeah, but not bad
#starting off mild w the opinions xD#ik that dao gets a lot of shit bc of the old graphics but i dont think theyre half bad#tho i do agree that everything is very uh. brown lolol#ask game
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