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#its just that I Am Lazy And Bad
belladonnafleur · 10 months
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#..........................................................................................................#I feel like I deserve It because my body looks bad and I am Bad and everything about me is Bad#like I had a good fucking day why do I feel bad now#im so jealous of anyone who was born into a normal ass body that doesn't look like mine#I hate!! how effeminate I am!!#I hate!! how im a straight man but I look like a little girl#I am constantly worried that everyone thinks that im gay and that that somehow makes me morally wrong!!#nothing wrong w being gay !! if u are gay !!#im just not gay#and I feel like I should be bc of how effeminate I am/feel#I don't get to choose the way that my body looks#or the personality disorders/mental fuckass disabilities that live in my head and control what I do!!!!!!#I feel so ugly!!! I want to be fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I also don't think that I have adhd I think im making it up for attention and im actually a lazy piece of shit#I want to be medicated so bad!!! im so angry!! that I can't be normal no matter what I do!!!#like in my head adhd is just Lazy Bad Person Disease and ik the ppl ik w adhd#aren't lazy and bad#its just that I Am Lazy And Bad#oversharing on the internet bc I don't see my therapist til Monday and all of my friends are asleep!! teehee#need to escape into the place in my head where I am with Her but it is poisoned now bc ik that she doesn't want me and im running out of#delusions to subsist on#I want to be with her but I hate her at the same time#bc why is she so attractive!!!!! and not with anybody!!#I wish I was attractive and ppl wanted me!!#I am so lonely and angry!!! I want to d13!!
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love-3-crimes · 4 months
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tw noose
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oh wow look its a jashling!! the before aka Icarus (good job angelo u are so creative)
some notes because i cant sleep:
- hole in chest for "pit."
- heart pupils for "backlit by moonlight"
- kinda made of wax but not really? he melts the worse he gets mentally which makes it hard for him to move, this is for "wings of wax" and "every ounce of energy." (aka the best song in the album... i will fight you on this)
- no wings because... because.
- i wanted to make him look sketchy and not clean...if that makes sense. sort of like dissociation
- grayscale color scheme
- sufferer of the "flat affect" (just like me fr)
- terrible memory. dude does not remember (...just like me fr)
- mostly wears sweatpants, socks, and tshirt cause they are top tier clothing for when you are too tired for anything else (also crocs)(i am a croc defender☝🏽)
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llumimoon · 1 year
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quick doodle of regular <3
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evandoodles · 1 month
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new simmons fc ft. caboose
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puppyeared · 8 months
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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n0bluev · 2 months
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo ​i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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qiekzart · 5 months
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day 33 drawing len until my preorder arrives
imf sorry for not doing requests recently i am a little dead
u can send requests in my askbox (。・ω・。) (4 requests in askbox as of writing)
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svnflowermoon · 4 months
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why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????
#luc posts#like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :(#and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle#if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break#and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time#and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho#can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee#ugh#it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work#like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont#and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses#like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well#likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs#likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :(((((#i hate school so mucb#i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function#like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die#bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso#someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh
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fucksatan · 3 months
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Thinking about a time I wrote a 7 paragraph long post analysing Walter and Skylar's relationship back in 2022 and somehow it got deleted and I was so devastated and I felt so silly and useless and I stopped posting altogether.
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vaugarde · 5 months
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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leonardalphachurch · 1 year
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i cannot fucking wait for this show to be over so i never have to think about this shitty company ever again
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youredreamingofroo · 6 months
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once again coming back to apologize for my inactivity, I've not only been depressed but also burnt out of tumblr 🫠 I haven't been motivated to check tumblr and haven't really cared (as much as I love it here) to just reblog and wtv. Today was a really hot day (for me) and if the rest of the week or month looks like this, then definitely do not expect anything from me (especially as we ease into spring and eventually enter summer), hot weather is my mortal enemy and it's like im fighting demons nonstop whenever summer/late spring rolls around so... yea.
on top of that I just haven't used my laptop in a couple of days LMAO after the play on Saturday, I was absolutely knocked out for all of Sunday and the last two days I've been playing red dead redemption 2, which I've really been enjoying 🙃🙃 which means eventually when I get back to tumblr will probably be rbing rdr2 stuff lmao
cut is just me rambling about the next two games I'm planning on playing after rdr2
also I currently have a line of games (and by line, I mean 2 games LMAO) I'm seriously looking forward to playing on my Xbox/Laptop-
First game is skyrim, I LOVEDDDD playing it on my switch, but I haven't played it properly for sooo long, but I recently saw that skyrim is free on gamepass and will definitely be installing it on my laptop 🥹 Granted, my character in skyrim is veryyyy op and it'll be upsetting to have to restart but whatevs! I just have to do what I always do and power thru battles that are intended for higher levels- and also grind pickpocketing cuz I can NOT live without that skill LMAO
Second game is a well-loved game of mine, ARK, I've played well over 500 hours on my phone and well over 250 hours on my switch (which ofc I enjoyed infinitely more, but nothing beats the nostalgia of mobile ARK LMAO), and when I TELL you I was elated to see it for free on gamepass, I mean it cuz I was SOO giddy, of course I know rdr2 will take bloody forever to finish (at the rate I'm going) but I'm just so excited to play it, especially since I think all the expansions are free as well, which means I can play genesis without paying for it (since I bought the other expansions on my switch- aberration FTW btw)
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ra-vio · 4 months
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the semester ended a few weeks ago. its getting hot
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toytulini · 4 months
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wheres that post about how its hard to have like a fucking depression spiral or whatever while knitting bc lemme tell u im sitting here fighting back tears while actively crocheting and its not fucking working
#toy txt post#depression spiral self worth spiral the world sucks and everything is bad and stupid spiral#whatever you want to call it. im fucking miserable and my eyes keep watering and making it kinda hard to see the fucking stitches#guess thatd be less of an issue if i was doing a standard moss stitch instead if a modified variant w half doubles and working into the#stitch under the space instead of in the chain space which is a little more annoying and fiddly to find than the chain space#whatever. its all the same stupid fucking shit anyway. whatever whatever whatever whatever#nothing matters everything is stupid and sucks and whats the fucking point! god#and then dad will just get home and sternly scold me for not looking for a job anyway#as if i could currently fucking handle being asked what my fucking strengths are or whatever#and i bet fucking period is not fucking helping cos hormone fluctuations do weird shit to emotions i fucking guess. whatever#i feel like my head is going to explode#'just let yourself cry let it out!' no. its fucking inconvenient and doesnt even release all the stupid fucking feelings it just leaves me#exhausted and wasting a bunch of fucking tissues. whatever#im a stupid lazy bitch whatever and im Not. but i am#what does it matter#i cant even deal with the fucking ants in my bedroom im just hiding from them in my brothers empty room#i washed all my bedding but havent remade the bed bc im like oh i should wait for the ants to be gone#cant do anything. cant do fucking anything at all ever#i should get out of the house and touch grass and that would be good for me but like. where#i shouldnt even leave the house bc im not insured and what if i get into a car crash? i hate everything#negative#whining
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thompsborn · 8 months
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i know i’ve said that being able to do the stereotypical insane ao3 authors notes is fun and amusing to me but can the universe NOT take that as a challenge to add more shit to my list of things to add next time i post ???? like. fucking. Calm Down Please.
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jinzouacting · 9 months
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periodically people have to be reminded that you should be against these large generative ai models because its aggregate content theft and not because of like "laziness" or whatever
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