#its just. crazy making. and depressing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

isa-ah · 1 year

Text

bro we've been spinning tires trying to get a computer for months, I'm so sick of it. we've only put away $400 since october and the rig we want is still over $300 away with a bunch of debt we owe my mom in law stacked on top 😭💀 I might ask for help in finally getting that shit ordered so we can start actually Making Things again and lo can work on his own profitable hustles while I focus on paying down our dues

#inflation has been killing us both bc im barely getting work and bc all that money evaporates instantly when i do #but all forms of work lo wants to do need a computer and were both really invested in making content w one #so its like! were just constantly running in place and its so demotivating to even getting anything done #bc whats the point if we wont be anb closer to our goals at all #its just. crazy making. and depressing #so i might genuinely ask for help bc im losing my motivation to do anything anymore and missing such a huge part of #my process and available tools for commissions and projects on top of all my computer based special interests??#boughghhb gggggg fhh #feels so bad #its been almost 6 months and weve barely reached halfway and im so tired 😭

4 notes · View notes

strawbie-doodle · 3 months

Text

havent drawn all of them in a WHILE ✸

802 notes · View notes

legogender · 6 months

Text

okay i have to say i am actually a strong defender of Snake That Makes You Evil. it sounds stupid on paper but thats only if u take it at face value? i do actually think the concept is crazy good what with the venom slowly corrupting how garmadon thinks about things and him being fully aware but unable to stop it.

its also not Just the venom that makes him evil. in the spinjitzu brothers books you can actively watch the fsm and wu and… really EVERYONE around garmadon become more and more wary of him despite not much really changing. it becomes a permanent blight on him that he is repeatedly told he needs to cure. but he hasnt really even changed in his own eyes

i personally prefer it to have been a pure fateful accident but the involvement of the overlord in the bite makes it arguably even more tragic. it becomes more than a childish mistake. garmadon was doomed from the moment he was born.

#ninjago #PLEASEEEEE read the soinjitzu brothers books if you can. its such crazy insight into wu and garmadons characters #every day i think abt shezada being like ‘oh youre the eveil one? makes sense’ with literally no explanation #also no offense. but i think ppl forget that his Evil Transformation happened over literlaly like. hundreds of years #its not like he got bit and was immediately evil #ik they show it kinda like that in the first flashback of the bite.m #but he was able to hold off the full effects of the venom until literally like mmmaybe a decade before the pilots #thats hundreds or even thousands of years. all that time of the venom corrupting him and he still fought for love !!!!!!!#ohhh my god also just remembered in the most recent spinjitzu bros book when they paint him as clearly having depression. Whatverrrrr #unrelated. but mann those books r so good #OH MY GOD JUST FOUND OUT THE SERIES GOT CANCELLED. KILLING MYSELF

49 notes · View notes

oceanwithouthermoon · 4 months

Text

i hate college i just want to think about saiki kusuo forever :((

#i somewhat missed the first few weeks of this semester cuz i was kinda having a depressive episode #and i didnt realize that im unable to make up these quizzes #so i already have a shit grade in this really hard class #like i'll prob be fine if i do everything for the rest of the semester but that means i have absolutely no leeway #so if i fail a test or something im fucked #i cant just email my professor 'hey ik i knowingly enrolled in this difficult class but i was kinda sad last week can u make an exception'#im going crazy #its FINE.#its like one of the only college classes i actually WANTED to take too and i actually care about for my future #so if i fail im literally going to pee my pants and explode #whatever #WHATEVER.#erm meow venting on main kick this bitch out the discord server/j #shes venting in general chat!!!

21 notes · View notes

dani-the-goblin · 5 months

Text

.

#i already posted this in my personal group chat but the only person who's responded so far is my sibling #and I'd really like to hear from someone outside of “people who benefit from telling me nice things”#because yeah its probably still true but my brain won't listen #anyway #I'm probably (definitely) spending too much time on the Internet and suffering from some crazy depression #but regardless #I'm feeling like shit about my writing and it's created a negative motivation loop #I keep seeing people churn out work that's 5 to 10x longer than what I post #Some people I'm seeing do that daily #and I can barely post one or two things a month.#It's been making me feel like shit that I just can't seem to do that.#I know part of it just isn't my style #and I usually love that my work is easier to read #but i thought that would get me more engagement and i guess I was wrong #plus when all you see is negative feedback on *literally that style* and getting no positive feedback at all #it's a real fucking killer.

8 notes · View notes

0809sysblings · 5 months

Text

it is always a little funny to me when people try to make psychologists and psychiatrists out to be the only people ever capable of being able to accurately diagnose mental illnesses and disorders and that their word is law as a way to criticize self diagnosis when like. once i was hospitalized and the psychiatrist there who i had not even known for more than a day tried to diagnose me as bipolar despite me having No history of mania because he.. couldn't really understand why i acted the way i did i guess???

#milgran't #tw hospital #tw psych ward #i just randomly remembered this (i say randomly as if i dont know exactly why im thinking about this stuff). dont mind me #tbh i should make a tag for like. more personal posts. but. idk what to make the tag name..#oh well #apologies for not being cool and collected and expressing things that show that im a human with emotions and needs recently #The Holidays are probably. one of the worst times of the year for me </3 #its not even seasonal depression or whatever its just Oh Jesus Oh Fuck Oh God (gets hit by 99999 trauma bullets)#that psychiatrist sucked SOOOO fucking bad btw #trying to prematurely diagnose me as bipolar was one of the tamest things he did during my stay #i hate him i genuinely hope he dies <3 #tbh i think he actually did. Break The Law with me. he probably couldve argued it was for the safety of others bc im crazy :3. but.#sometimes i just Remember That and im like. huh. hey what the fuck actually #but seriously. so many mental health professionals just make you sit there and go. .. how the FUCK did you get your license??????#ive heard some of The Most ''oh only people who are completely ignorant about mental health say this!'' type of shit from professionals #idk why im the one being labelled as insane when they think saying some of that shit is okay and professional MFKDLSFMDSf

8 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

Text

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

10 notes · View notes

girlwithfish · 8 months

Text

thinking abt how my whole family invalidated me abt bpd and how i let it get to me is like so eye opening cuz i rly shldnt have even disclosed my personal problems to them or taken their opinions to heart or anything bc ultimately its my experiences and life and they barely know me that deeply like my actual struggles and mental health and idk why i let it get to me for so long

#And my therapist saying like yeah the diagnosis we have on file for ur treatment is bpd is like ohh so im not just fucked upand crazy 👍#its nawt just depression or some vague mood disorder 👍#Lol #Idk #and my prozac is really like yeah 10mg is not gonna do shit for me my therapist was saying like 10mg is for ppl w low depression ifs not gna #suit u or help.. so true i just have put it off for so long bc i have like subconscious doubt in meds but #im rly hoping i can feel better on the right medication idk >_> and im still rly sad that #i wont be seeing my therapist in the future since im switching to a dbt program it makes me sad cuz #shes the first therapist ive truly liked and felt hope with and comfortable w like shes helped me a lot so im sad 😭and #nervous abt starting over. also nervous abt group dbt. idk #:/#ig its just necessary. i go back n forth like yk maybe im ok i dont need that im relatively.mentally stable but i really am not #which is hard ig. Idk #im gonna mjss my therapist im rly sad i cant see her anymore eventually. i still will for a few weeks until i #find a program n stuff :(

10 notes · View notes

bunnihearted · 6 months

Text

📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

11 notes · View notes

fiendishartist2 · 7 months

Text

it is so incredibly important to me that paul is the one playing petscop the entire time. with the way it is so deeply personal to paul i can't understand why you would want to seperate him from the narrative

#i keep thinking about nexpos theory and finding more gripes with it sorry #the ai think just. doesnt make sense and also just kinda makes me sad #dont take paul out of his own story man......#aside from the fact that it doesnt work like logistically i think its a weirs way to rationalize seperating paul from the story of petscop #which. idk. kinda defeats the purpose of most of it lol #esp the second half where paul is really suffering bc of both the game and the family #whenever i think about the ai theory i remember the ghost room and keep console running screen #i think about paul in anna's or jill's house. afraid and depressed and absolutely obsessed with a mystery he cant solve #slowly driving himself crazy #but every time he thinks he wants to quit. every time hes laying in bed at night and wondering if he should just call belle to come get him #the tv lets out a blaring alarm and turning red. pleading with him to keep console running to not let go to just keep playing the game #and eventually he gets up. sits in his chair. and starts again #h

9 notes · View notes

ferdydurke · 8 months

Text

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like.#Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it #but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself #because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like.#Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that #you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living.#And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it...#until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy #barking #ultimately im very lucky.#Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it #and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out #some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that #and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing #just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man

10 notes · View notes

girl-bateman · 9 days

Text

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all #literally my soul is gone or something #i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed #which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better #alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off #like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot #like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy #moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously #but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends #i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help #idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho #like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback #kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk #it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore #but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol #that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown #like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way #and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever #and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality #plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good #but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you #but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !

3 notes · View notes

hecksupremechips · 1 month

Text

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

3 notes · View notes

comradecowplant · 7 months

Text

A youtuber has made a video about a place very close to my hometown and I tell u what so far he is not being very factual and the latent small town instinct to rip disrespectful outsiders apart in defense of Our Town has activated >:(

#theres an old airbase with abandoned housing units #BUT THE TOWNSHIP OF FINLAND IS VERY MUCH NOT ABANDONED which isnt as good oOoOo sPoOky content for your dumb channel but its actually hones #and also the people who live there are very much cranky about strangers fucking about (almost like they're used to annoying kids bothering #them while urban exploring. which is so fucking valid)#even i didnt go fuck around up there out of respect (and fear lol) of the folks up there who are just making the most of a $ depressed area #anyway im only 2 minutes into the video and this is what im already annoyed at #he's going ohmyGoDdD cRaZy i BeT its HAUNTED over the most milquetoast decay like its his first time exploring #the military activity poisoned the primary well and thats why people left seemingly overnight. it was just before the crash of 08 #so the people who were invested in turning parts of the old base housing into low income housing pulled out #WHICH YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU DID ANY RESEARCH BEFORW GOING TO A PLACE MR OOO AND AHH #it's the fake sensationalism that gets my gears so ground #its very poor and many folks struggled with addiction and when they had to leave a bunch of stuff behind it wasnt for fun #oh ive got whopper of a comment in composition for when through this 40 minute peice of rudeness #as an urban exploring enthusiast myself im not bemoaning that part. it's the Contentification and Chills voice commentary that has me riled

3 notes · View notes

0rph1x · 1 year

Text

this cant be fucking real. what the fuck happened.

#i thought i had the chance to get better #why can i never get fucking better #i try my hardest to heal and make progress and then i make one fucking mistake and everything goes wrong #i fuck up once and the world implodes #i am so fucking fragile #how am i going to explain to my mother why im getting worse again #how am i going to explain to my mother that its my fault #if i had just thought about it for more than a moment #if i had considered what would happen #what the fuck am i going to do #any time i try to make progress something goes wrong #im stuck between being upset and desperate and being angry #im going crazy. im losing my mind. why cant i just get better. please.#i just want to be okay. why am i not allowed to be okay.#i need to stop #tw vent #long post #vent post #tw depressing thoughts #idk what else i should tag this with. im just. im lost. im so fucking lost.

7 notes · View notes

todayisafridaynight · 1 year

Note

When I started Y7 I felt so bad for Masato getting treated so poorly by his gf because I would've eaten him out without hesitation

god you and me both brother

#snap chats #eating a salad when i should be eating out a depressed emo boy i KNOW his pussy crazy 😭😭#cant say bad things happen to good people but. bad things happen to Seemingly Normal people ig idfk #like she valid for being freaked out by him love bombing her but we're just built different #OK BUT ON THE REAL IT'S SO FUNNY HOW EVEN THE OTHER HOSTESSES WERE ON HIM #LIKE HIS EMO BOY SWAGGER WAS SO POTENT DUDE THE GOTH RIZZ WAS REAL #it got me UNWISE... got me wanting MEN carnally...#see thats why they had to make the cabaret scene as cringe as possible cause if not there woulda been too much potential to show him off #NO AND WHEN HE SMIRKING ON THE GROUND IN THE ALLEYWAY none of these thoughts are in the bible #and when he starts crying <3 bro i am fervently eating through this salad hold on LMAOOOOO I NEED TO STOP #I NEED TO RELAX ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS #i have an econ exam in like two hours ok...... going out to drink later let me be a lil insane #lord above forgive me this emo boy makes me ill

17 notes · View notes