#its like im trying rlly hard but im still doing things wrong and making him upset

[lovecrazedpup]

trying to be strong and think reasonably vs my unwavering belief that im an awful person and hes going to leave me

[hannigramislife]

for my own gratification bc i just ran into nie mingjue hate in the wild, would you mind making a post that defends my poor good boy? he worked so hard and got gaslit to shit before getting murdered terribly ;; literally everyone sat there telling him "youre being too harsh" and he's just responding appropriately. like yeah, if you witness a murder, ya kinda got to do something about that as a clan leader. its kinda your responsibility, even when you care about the person who did the murdering. he was also a really young when he took on the role of clan leader and idk, it just made me rlly sad to see people dunk on him cuz wtf he's literally just trying his best in an impossible situation WHILE being perpetually fucked over by his clan's own traditional cultivation cuz now the stronger he is as a leader, the closer he is to going literally insane and dying bc of it. (mingjue did nothing wrong i will die on this hill) ((sorry for going on a tirade, im just sad and defensive of my good boy rn))

Oh no! I'm so sorry you had to go through Nie Mingjue hate! Truly tragic. I went through that once when in the beginning of me reading the books, when I still had no proper opinions, and never again.

I'm more than willing to make a post about Nie Mingjue! I'm always down to talk about Nie Mingjue tbh, he's my heart and love and if I were to have been given the opportunity to be his right hand person, I would have simply never betrayed his trust and married him. Rip Jin Guangyao but I'm different.

Anyways, I, huhhh, actually think you?? Covered it all??? Pretty much?? Yet I will talk about it. This will be long and non-coherent, because I don't have the books rn to find quotes in them and honestly, I could write essays on Nie Mingjue either way.

Nie Mingjue is a central piece of the narrative, despite the limited amount of appearances he made, and the fact that he wasn't close to the main characters at all. The entire second part of the plot revolves around him- it happened because of him. His murder is a tragedy; literally, by greek standards, man has Cassandra Curse all over him, so I don't get how people can tell me, confidently, that his death was warranted. I've been told the man had asked for it, and this has mostly been by Jin Guangyao apologists.

So let me make something real fucking clear.

Nie Mingjue did not deserve to die. Let's get that out of the way, anyone can fight me on that. Nie Mingjue had more good qualities than half the people in this fucking story, despite his flaws. After his father was brutally murdered when Mingjue was only in his teens, Nie Mingjue stepped up as clan leader. We can only speculate the hardships that await someone leading a clan at such an early age. Yet, political challenges weren't the only thing he had to battle; Nie Mingjue knew about his clan's harmful cultivation, and he knew he was going to die young. So what did he do? His best. Literally his best, always. He was always giving 100% of his abilities, because that's who he was.

Let's talk about who Nie Mingjue was, shall we?

When Jin Guangyao, still Meng Yao then, describes Nie Mingjue, he finds himself perplexed, because Nie Mingjue isn't like other men. He is not frivolous, and he has no vices; Meng Yao describes how Nie Mingjue never showed an interest in arts, or alcohol, or women. All he did was train, and fight the Wens during the war. It shows that he had a one-track mind from the start, and has got a strict discipline; yet this strictly disciplined man, leader of a clan that prizes strength, continuously indulges his lazy and undisciplined half-brother, his one and only heir, despite not understanding his interests. We gather, pretty quickly, that Nie Mingjue is a bleeding heart for his brother, and for the ones he loves in general. We see the same softer side displayed in the presence of Lan Xichen, and of course, for some time, Meng Yao.

People seem to think Nie Mingjue took Meng Yao's betrayal too harshly. As if somehow seeing a man he thought to have been just and honest commit premeditated murder, then cover it up, was something he was just supposed to get over. To this day, I can't believe how Lan Xichen was so understanding of it. But not only did Nie Mingjue catch him in a cowardly act - Meng Yao proceeds to manipulate him, using the fact that Nie Mingjue cared about him, to stab him in the back. Or front, however it happened. I get that Meng Yao was in a difficult position, that he suffered at the Jins, that he felt backed in a corner; but Nie Mingjue was a man that had extended his help to Meng Yao before, and even then, he went to find Meng Yao in righteous fury, ready to help him again. To Nie Mingjue, the idea that Meng Yao "had no other choice" but to kill - to kill in the manner he did - it could have been nothing but a betrayal.

One thing that I personally highly respected Nie Mingjue for was the fact that he did not judge Meng Yao for his background. This is not up for debate; Nie Mingjue stood up for him, quite publicly, quite vocally, when Meng Yao was being insulted over it. And not only that, but he promoted Meng Yao to be his right hand man, just like that. Because he's impulsive, and to prove a point, but it was still huge of him to do. Not even Lan Xichen would have done that - In a society built on power dynamics between social classes, Nie Mingjue was one of the few characters who did not let that define his actions. It wasn't because he was born privileged (though he was) but because he he didn't let anything other than his judgment direct his actions. Nie Mingjue also never shied away from anything; if it had to be done, he did it, no matter the cost.

Nie Mingjue was decisive, and had an iron will. When Meng Yao killed the Nie disciples in Qishan, he wanted to kill Meng Yao. Meng Yao told him, paraphrasing, that "don't you understand that if I hadn't done that, it would have been your corpse up there?" and Wei Wuxian takes it to mean "Translation: I saved you so you can't kill me, because that would mean you're in the wrong." So Nie Mingjue hesitated for a second, then said: "Fine! I'll kill you, and then take my own life!" And the only reason he didn't, was because Lan Xichen was there. Otherwise, Nie Mingjue would have killed his former friend, then followed him to whatever afterlife awaited.

Nie Mingjue is often portrayed like he doesn't understand stuff, like he's stupid, simply because of his black and white sense of morality. That's not correct: Nie Mingjue understands motive, but he doesn't accept the ends justifying the means. Scratch that, he doesn't accept or justify either, if they're unjust. The murder of the Jin commander, the murder of the Nie disciples, not executing Xue Yang - how can Nie Mingjue possibly understand Meng Yao's decisions, when Nie Mingjue would rather die, any day, than live thanks to vile actions?

And then, Nie Mingjue starts falling into qi-deviation. We know that it affected his temper the most, and his judgement. I don't understand how it works, really, so I don't know by the end how much was Nie Mingjue and how much was the mess that the spirit made of him - maybe a combination of the two. But what is certain, is that the rapid qi deviation changed him.

But I could write a hundred more pages on him, meticulously going over every single scene he has ever appeared in, because I find him that interesting. I find him the most interesting, and the most appealing character, because in a story where the navigation of the cultivation world's complex politics and hierarchies with tact and diplomacy is crucial, Nie Mingjue stands uncompromising in his principles, choosing duty and honor over anything else, even when it's hard.

[jaemified]

major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

-

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

-

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

[paingoes]

Destroyer is afk

(Masterlist)

another sherbet colored update. i really love simulating internet speech in writing i think its so fun

(Content: death mention, past trauma, self loathing, comfort??)

=======================

no posts in a month its over

they got him omg </3

Did indy fucking die?

RIP INDY

ndhakdvsnnd: can you guys stop saying that im dead  ndhakdvsnnd: also no more leaks until further notice. stop asking.

sunspot: Hey you don’t have to talk to us if you don’t want to but can you please give us some indication you’re still alive? 

sunspot: We’re really worried.

katkittykat: omg look at this video :3

katkittykat: have u ever seen a shark move like that in all ur life that shit is so crazy

katkittykat: hey where have u been lololol

katkittykat: are u mad at me :c

katkittykat: if its somethin i did can we talk abt it ??? 

katkittykat: okk ur making me nervous 

katkittykat: OH SHIT UR BACK

katkittykat: WTF

ndhakdvsnnd: hey sorry 

katkittykat: bro where did u go!!!! D:

ndhakdvsnnd: had to travel somewhere i couldnt bring my laptop

katkittykat: im rlly glad ur ok! 

ndhakdvsnnd: do you want me to send you the next batch

katkittykat: uhh yea only if ur up to it. whenever ur ready :3c

ndhakdvsnnd: i can do it now

katkittykat: ty sweetness

katkittykat: sunny wants u to answer him lol hes having an aneurysm xD

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

ndhakdvsnnd: hi

sunspot: Hey! 

ndhakdvsnnd: kitty said you wanted to talk to me

sunspot: Yes I wanted to know if you were okay because we hadn’t heard from you in a while

ndhakdvsnnd: obviously

sunspot: ?

sunspot: Why is that obvious?

ndhakdvsnnd: how would i be typing if i wasnt okay

sunspot: That doesn’t even make sense ?

sunspot: I assumed if you were offline for a month it was because you were either upset or in danger

ndhakdvsnnd: maybe i just have a day job to worry about

sunspot: In that case it would’ve been nice to receive some kind of warning so we wouldnt think you were hurt 

ndhakdvsnnd: i didnt have time

sunspot: You didn’t have time to type one sentence?

ndhakdvsnnd: okay im sorry

sunspot: Look I’m not trying to lecture you Im just saying we were concerned and I wanted to make sure you were alright.

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

sunspot: Everything’s really okay then? Nothing happened?

ndhakdvsnnd: i dont want to talk about it

sunspot: Alright.

sunspot: You know we care about you right?

ndhakdvsnnd: i didnt send a warning because i didnt know i was leaving until the last minute i didnt go by choice

ndhakdvsnnd: thanks for attacking me over it as soon as i got back though 

sunspot: Does it seem like I’m attacking you? 

ndhakdvsnnd: yes kind of

sunspot: I’m sorry then. I didn’t mean to.

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

sunspot: Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?

ndhakdvsnnd: i am just sad okay i am already getting yelled at all the time  i dont need to get it from you too 

ndhakdvsnnd: sorry this is stupid ill shut up

sunspot: No it’s okay! If you’re upset you can tell me that’s what I was messaging you about in the first place I had the feeling something was wrong

ndhakdvsnnd: are you sure

sunspot: Yes positive

ndhakdvsnnd: i just dont like feeling like everyone is disappointed or mad at me all the time i dont know 

ndhakdvsnnd: it would be one thing if i deserved it but i dont know i have been really really trying lately and it doesnt work and it makes me feel bad

ndhakdvsnnd: but i kind of deserve to feel bad so i dont know 

ndhakdvsnnd: im tired

sunspot: Why do you think you deserve to feel bad?

ndhakdvsnnd: a lot of reasons 

sunspot: I don’t think you deserve it.

ndhakdvsnnd: you dont know me though

ndhakdvsnnd: you wouldnt like me if you knew me 

sunspot: Well what I do know about you now is that you are risking your life and sanity to provide us information to help people.

sunspot: Just based on that I don’t think you deserve to feel so bad about yourself.

sunspot: I think the people you’re around are probably really hard on you and its affecting the way you see yourself.

ndhakdvsnnd: im sorry

sunspot: Why are you saying that?

ndhakdvsnnd: i dont know

ndhakdvsnnd: is it okay if i go to bed now 

sunspot: Goodnight! We can talk later if you’re up for it?

ndhakdvsnnd: okay gn

[ccrisntok]

requests 2: electric boogalo

(sure wonder whos hand that is...) I forgot to screenshot this request before deleting it from my inbox. I think @sunriseindigo requested their fav lil guy Min, but if it wasn't you uh. Hope whoever did request it sees this! I went kinda hard on this bc I have posted Min on this blog ONE time. and that's a crime.

forgot to screenshot this one to, but an anon suggested: Hu patching up Ace after he falls off of a horse. I feel like even if Hu and Ace don't get along, she'd try to come to his games to support him once in a while as the mom of the group! (even if Ace is her least favorite child.) In like 90 degree heat she'd pull up, with enough sunscreen and waterbottles to keep everyone in a 70 mile radius hydrated and safe from skin cancer. And she wouldn't hesitate to help Ace if he gets hurt, ofc!

...

I really fucked up with forgetting to screenshot a good amount of these. whoever needed a pic of Nico beating Ace in a fight, I delivered! The tone in which you asked wasn't too serious, so i hope a shitpost is sufficient for your needs.

(someone requested sora and yuki from sdra2 in drdt and im gonna make that its own post. so just know u were seen anon. also person who asked for more ace and eden, same thing.)

i can always draw Whace. they are my everything.

mans even singing it wrong 💀 (thanks for the request i love whace sm im glad they remind you of u and ur bf :D)

in a better world, Arei is talking to her therapist about Hopes Peak drama rn. (i love drawing arei thank you anon)

honestly this ship had never crossed my mind. i couldn't rlly think up anything too cute for it so i went silly instead kjfaljdf (thanks for the request @weightedblankettt, I LOVE THAT ONE FIC YOU WROTE WITH LIKE THE NICO AND ACE SWAP THING. i literally went "OH MY GOD???" when i saw you sent in a request fkhfla /pos)

Hello again @xmicrophonyx :)) thanks for another request

I feel like Xander would buy a skirt to wear to a protest or something and then he'd go "wait but it matches my hair..." and then wear it like just out and about sometimes. Whit would just have one I think. Just randomly bought it and wears it. And Levi literally makes clothes, so I'm sure hes made a few dresses for himself just to test techniques and such. Ik you didn't ask but I felt like explaining my choices for who I drew 🫶🏽🫶🏽

Ur so right actually. I feel like Veronika would be like "Ohhh weird morally gray old man??? ILY." and he would actively detest her. thank you anon i haven't drawn a soy-bean (syobai) in a loonggg time lmao

Ajhskjfafksaflsga gay peiple. i love them. i really do. thank you anon. gay oepeple. aughgshah. /POS

(people who follow the despair time art tag rn ^^^^^)

Thats it for now!

still doin these so send in some more requests if you feel like it fellas <333

[toxic3mmy]

hiiii ive been rlly obsessed with pjo lately, and this idea's been stuck in my head sooo

a pjo au where reader is a child of eros, and accidentally shoots q with one of the love arrows while practicing archery?? and then he gets a puppy crush and starts following reader around, just a cute romcom :)

woah, this idea sounds awesome! thanks so much for the request babe!! i’ll try my best to satisfy your pjo obsession hehehe

(also, i tweaked some junk like powers of the children of zeus and stuff just to make it easier, JUST PRETEND ITS CORRECT PLZ)

(thinking of adding original art to this IDK GIMME TIME)

prompt: you’re practicing archery and shoot alex, child of apollo, with a love arrow which leads to an accidental crush on you

no warnings! super cute and fluffy and romcom!!

________________________________________

part one ~

[listen at each star *]

it was a quiet spring morning. you were up and ready for your day and you decided that it would be perfect weather to practice your archery skills. you collected your materials and head off to your usual practice area.

you spruce up your target on the beautiful willow tree trunk in front of you and you begin.

you put your things out on your practice table in a neat manner. you play some of your “weird” non mythological music and begin.

**

you relax completely, hold up your bow and with a deep breath in, you let go.

plonk

“god.. that’s just terrible” you mumble to yourself as you spot the arrow almost a foot away from the practice board.

you draw back again and let go.

plonk

“no wonder i need the damn practice” you’re a bit annoyed seeing the arrow land in the grass at the base of the tree but continue to practice.

you draw back again, feeling a slight tingly vibration in your fingertips, and you knew this was a good sign. you were going to hit it right on the bullseye. the moment you begin to exhale, your music makes an odd doppler effect-like sound and it freaks you out a bit. you still absentmindedly let go of the arrow but don’t see where it landed.

“puta madre!”

a blood curdling shriek escapes you. you frantically try to hide from whoever it was that yelled.

a boy with dark hair came up from behind the willow tree and as soon as your eyes met, he holds both his hands up in defeat.

“don’t shoot, please!”

“dude, what the fuck are you doing here?! i almost had a heart attack! ew what’s wrong with your skin?” you made a face of disgust at him

“huh? look, i was just trying to find where that music was coming from and you shot me! like seriously, can you help me get this stupid arrow out of my ass?! god it’s like really deep in my butt meat”

“okay firstly, ew. secondly, ew.”

“im serious, can you give me a hand?” he pleaded, and as you approached him you noticed way too many things at once;

one: his skin was seriously looking freaky

two: he was a child of apollo, a sworn enemy of your eros parents

three: the arrow was really deep in his buttcheek

four: ….

“oh fuck me”

his skin was literally glowing. like… with love and junk.

you look down at the arrow you just removed from him and… oh no, how?!

you shot him with a love arrow. that’s just your luck, huh?

“hey… come here often sweetheart?” he smirked and you seriously had to choke down vomit

“really, that’s what you call flirting? you are such a little virgin boy”

“maybe you can change that” he holds your hand in his and pulls you in closer “maybe you want to put something else in my ass tonight besides that arrow” he smirked once again

you couldn’t believe the words he was saying to you.

you began laughing uncontrollably at his poor attempts at being suave and hot. you bent over laughing, you laughed so hard your abdomen was in absolute pain.

“see? i knew you’d come around, sexy lady” he pulled you up to be chest to chest with him

you quickly pushed him off and dried your tears from laughing so much.

“shut up dude, what even is your name? never mind, we need to get you a cure because i am definitely not going to deal with you and this… love crush thing” you began to collect your things in your backpack and you reached for the same arrow the raven haired menace did, as he was trying to help you.

“my name is alex… but you definitely have permission to call me papi” he said as your touching hands were intertwined in his and you quickly yanked your hand away

“blegh! you seriously need help, you creep! come on, we don’t have time to waste! our parents will absolutely kill us if they see us together” you yanked his arm to follow you and your head snapped at him as you heard a lewd moan come from alex.

“oh yeah, i love it when you’re rough baby” he moaned even louder and you plonked him in the head.

rolling your eyes, you continued to drag him to the only person who could help you out with no hesitation.

it took about fifteen agonizing minutes of walking to your friend thalia’s home as alex would not stop flirting with you and it wouldn’t be that bad of an issue but the dude had absolutely no game so it was just a lot of secondhand embarrassment you were dealing with.

you knocked on thalia’s door and prayed she was in.

thankfully, she opened the door a second later with a sweet smile,

“oh y/n! what a lovely surprise and… um excuse me what the actual frick is going on here??”

you pulled alex in and closed her door hurriedly.

“look man, i was practicing my archery right?”

“uh huh…” thalia replied

“because i simply suck balls at it right??”

“no you don’t darling! you’re a natural beauty and not to mention a talented one at that!” alex sighed, admiring you and inch from your face.

you shoved away his big head with your hand, and continued,

“and well… I SHOT THIS DUMBASS WITH A LOVE ARROW! PLEASE GIVE ME SOME KIND OF POTION THINGY TO FIX IT, PLEASE!” you beg thalia

“oh no! my honey is in distress! fear not, sweet maiden—”

thalia blows a green dust in his face and alex plops down on the ground like a sack of potatoes and he’s snoring away immediately.

“oh my god, thank you so so much! you don’t understand, he was literally like moaning all the way here and he calls that flirting?! he—”

“okay girl, do you need some eepy dust too?? just take a deep breath okay?”

you nod and calm down

“okay, as much as i know you need my help and as much as i want to help you, i can’t. we literally just ran out of the potion for that yesterday and i can’t make any new batches because im missing the main ingredient”

“well that’s okay! tell me where to get it and i’ll go right now and we can fix this whole mess and get rid of the buffoon!”

“no y/n, you don’t understand… the ingredient we need isn’t something you can just go get…”

you looked at her with a really confused face

“the ingredient is uh… spider legs, really weird i know! but you know the all mighty zeus, my pops, yeah he’s not as big and bad as he seems. he’s actually terrified of spiders so he banned them here in our world and i don’t get any spiders in stock until christmas because that’s the only time i can get my guy out here and… yeah”

“are you serious? god damn your dad and his arachnophobia..” i pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration

“yeah well, it’s either wait eight months for this potion or… get your father to undo the love spell”

i sigh and put my head down in my hands, feeling really defeated. what the hell do i do now?

“well… on the bright side, that dust i used on him will have some good effects when used alongside a love spell” thalia offers and you perk up

“wait really?? is he going to stop being so creepy with me?”

“well, maybe? it differs from person to person. but i do know that it most likely will make him act more in tune with his regular personality when he’s into someone, if that helps?” she smiled nervously

“let’s just hope he stops moaning every time i touch him” i say hopefully

“so.. you should probably try telling your dad. it was all a huge accident and i don’t think he’s going to be too upset. yeah he’ll probably give you the old ‘you need to be more responsible’ speech thing but im sure he’ll help you… unless he punishes you by not helping” thalia laughs deviously at the idea

“well thanks anyways, man. also, how long til he wakes up?” you ask, pointing at alex on the floor

“oh, one sec” thalia moves closer to him and kicks him in the balls

alex immediately shoots his eyes open and groans in pain

you look at thalia and the two of you laugh together.

thalia hands alex a pain reliever lollipop as a parting gift and you say your goodbyes to one another.

now it’s just you and alex.. and you were nervous about the way he was going to act with you.

“hey.. i uh, im really sorry about the way i was acting earlier. i seriously was acting super virgin-esque huh? i kinda heard everything you guys were saying even though i was asleep and yeah… but hey, at least now i’m not moaning at you like a harlot right now?” he laughed softly

“that’s so embarrassing that you heard us… but hey, at least you’re somewhat normal again?” you asked and offered him a smile

“i uh.. i never even asked for your name”

“oh, its y/n” you reply in a quiet voice

“that’s a really beautiful name… did i ever mention what my powers were?”

“no actually, you didn’t” you shook your head

“well, can i borrow your bow?” he asks sheepishly

you hesitantly nod and hand him your bow and a normal arrow

he places the arrow in its rightful position and comes up behind you. he’s still holding onto it as he places it in your hands. his arms are completely around you and his head is right next to yours.

“okay, relax. now, you see that small red flag thing on the tree over there? imagine the arrow landing right in the middle. take a deep breath” his hands were atop yours as he pulled the bow back and he whispered almost seductively,

“let go”

you both let the arrow go and it shoots right where you imagined it to. you gulped at how close he was to you. he smelled of pine and cinnamon. it was wonderful..

“you just needed a little push.. you did great y/n” he said in a low voice, still holding onto your hands on the bow

why did you want to lean in and kiss him?

wait, what?!

you immediately pulled away, putting as much space between the two of you as possible.

“y-yeah.. um thank you alex. should we keep going now?” you ask, unable to make eye contact with him

“whatever you’d like to do y/n. i’m honestly just enjoying your presence right now. it almost feels like it’s just you and me here, doesn’t it?”

you didnt know what to say. you agreed completely. you wanted nothing more than to waste your time with alex and his handsome smile and his sweet way with words and—

“y/n? can i show you my other power?” her broke the scary thoughts you were having

“sure”

**

alex began to sing the same song in was listening to earlier, without missing a single beat. how did he even know this song?

he took your hand and sung his heart out to you. you felt a swarm of butterflies flutter at the pit of your stomach. it feels like you were the one that got a love arrow stuck in your butt.

“your voice is beautiful… how do you know that song?” you asked, continuing to walk alongside alex

“well, i heard it a long time ago. sometimes i can hear it in my dreams, too. it’s not music we can listen to here, it’s mortal music i think. how do you know it?” he asked curiously

“i’ve always had an interest in mortal music.. i was actually playing that song this morning when the whole incident happened, i think you may have interfered with the sound waves when you were trying to find where it was coming from”

“that’s right… i guess this is our song then, huh?” he stated, grabbing me gently by the arm as we stopped in our tracks

“yeah, i guess so” your face was gently raised up by alex’s fingertips, forcing you to look into his entrancing brown eyes

“y/n, are you sure you’re not a siren?” alex whispered, his lips practically touching your lips

“w-what?..”

“it feels like you’re luring me to my sweet demise.. and what’s a death sentence without me being given a last meal? please, let me taste your lips before you take my soul away. it would make me feel oh so complete in this bittersweet end” he claimed proudly

with a flutter of your eyes, you shut them softly and gently press your lips against his

you feel his arms wrap around you in a tight but gentle way, and you reciprocated by holding his torso tightly

your hands grip his shirt tightly in fists as alex deepens the kiss, a small whimper leaving his soon to be bruised lips

alex pulls away and says softly,

“i can die a happy man now, y/n”

you had no idea what just happened or how it happened or even why you let it happen???

there was just something about him that lured you in. you wanted to take him in in every way possible, because to consume him would mean to be one.

god, what the hell were you even thinking?

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[itsdappleagain]

i know csweekly is on hold now, but I still have to catch up on The Luchadora Tango Caper, so here it is!!

Season 3 is maybe my least favorite season out of any of them, but I still love it, so I'm really excited to get into this!

Notes under the cut as always and please ignore the fact that I'm a month late on this thx

NEW CASTLE!!! NEW CASTLE YAYYY

sometimes I think this whole series is Maelstrom just talking about shit for like 14 hours

cleo sympathizing with guys in skirts <3 she knows ur struggle boys

love how they slapped up a giant glowing green world map and copper sulfate burning chandeliers before they put in insulation or heat

brunt, girl, calm down. they were just doing their evil minion bagpipe job

british on british violence

that was such a cute nod when this season first dropped. haha theres been no sign of her all summer because of the hiatus you are so clever

they rlly thought they had something with the turn them against each other thing. i cant believe they thought they tvy7 rating would let shadowsan and carmen kill each other 🙄

"carmen is DEAD" (cheery tango music)

i mean it works because we know hes wrong and stupid but like

no offense but the tango dancers are animated in a way that is reminiscent of a kid manually moving their barbie dolls legs to make them walk

our girl <3

tell me why dropping 200 feet onto the top of the metal detector was more sneaky than literally anything else she could have done

ok. yes. but the fact she is robbing it does not negate the fact that she will be on the news for breaking into a bank dsjfsdghfkdsa

1021 is the number on the box- could it mean something? in a strictly doylist sense. october 21st doesn't seem to have any significant holidays...I can't find anything, might just be a random number set.

good god the "i...have his eyes." hits me like a truck every time

gina pulled it out with the voice acting in this one

she WAS a very cute baby

"another" link girl what else has there been you should be ecstatic

ayyy its the character literally everyone except spintrap-stan and amaryllis solely remember for being voiced by dante basco

i love how snarky carmen immediately gets. if he knows her name and what she looks like, obviously he's an operative, so she gets to have a little fun in immediately declining him while still gaining valuable information, almost immediately, about who he is and what his talent will be

everyone is very stretched today

this is not my favorite fight scene honestly (at least until flytrap gets here. dont even get me started on her fighting style im in love with it) because its literally just like ooh. he kicks. she dodges. wow. they really do try with the tango parallels but idk

wow!! other people can kick too??? who knew

she protected the face

cutely runs into oncoming traffic

those cars were not even slowing down girl they were just like HONK MOVE OR DIE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FLYTRAP MY GIRL

okay mini rant incoming i already did a post on this like a billion years ago but flytrap is one of my favorites because in my opinion she and paper star are the most dangerous villains we ever see in the show. let me. try to find that post actually

yeah here it is

flytrap is also so hot and has the same va as luz so she's just top tier. idk if the team put half the episode budget into celebrity voice actors and thats why we only got 5 episodes but you know what

love how carmen is literally stopping her attempts to get free to banter. girl. stop

shadowsan <3

love how they do not even bother showing the fight they just get their asses handed to them

why didnt they start in veracruz just asking

not the table

ok guys. you can stop with the tango thing now. its okay

that little conversation between ivy and shadowsan is so good

comrades??? sir its not the cold war

article from 17 years ago, thank you for that easy to understand slang

carmen plot armored her way out of getting her skull smashed in on that train so hard that she made maelstrom stupid

its canon both in and outside of the show that color theory is so prevalent that any sort of red at all immediately signals carmen

the colors are so beautiful in this scene. carmen doesnt have her coat or jacket on, everythings just a little desaturated as she searches

THE ACME GANG <3333

not the finger guns and glasses wheeze hes such a loser i love him

THE FORESHADOWING TO EGYPT WITH THE PYRAMIDS ON HER LAPTOP!!!!

love how all we get of julia this season is her being pissed off and then leaving

he was such an asshole for closing her laptop why did he do that 😭

has carmen just been ignoring vile missions for the last season of the year to research her mom or

girlie is so sad about everything

ah yes, the door, the thing you wish to have opened, the best place to lean your full body against after you knock,

i'M SOrry. did you NOT attend a school for THIEVES

HSDGGDG HEY. just broke into your house. im your long lost daughter

i love how she goes DONT TOUCH ANYTHING and then immediately drags her whole arm across the wall and cabinet

also her face when she sees the masks is perfect

okay be honest how many of you have replayed carmen saying maybe mommy at least once. who. raise your hands

shes sooo buff

love how everyone is taking this so seriously and then carmen is just completely apathetic about anything thats going on

dont deadname lupe, carmen

her hair catching a gust of indoor wind for the sole purpose of making her look sick as hell in her intro card is so iconic

as ivy absolutely obliterating zack in the foreground is so fucking funny

she got that "EH EH EH." titter of "HEY NO. DONT YOU DO THAT" down scary well

devineaux strutting im sobbing. julia was doing SO well and then she got paired with devineaux AGAIN

that cab driver looks so concerned about the hulking texan in his backseat

remember when the trailer dropped and we thought those roses were for julia. good times

everyone narrowly avoiding each other as they pull in

you just know ivy smacked zack when he protested to decoy time hdsafhadsg

gotta say the "EH?" while getsuring to the trophies is fucking hilarious. obviously julia knows she wouldnt go after those but its so funny

i do love the way carmen just shrinks any time brunt appears. she is soooo traumatized

VAMOOSE EL MASKO SHES SO ACCURATREIUSDHKFSKHFD SHES EXACTLY WHAT MIDDLE AGED AMERICAN SOUTHERNERS SOUND LIKE

LUPE IS SO FUCKING COOL

devineaux showcasing his braincells for a spilt second this episode

ah, so begins the not a good time mantra

devineaux getting absolutely decimated because he thinks coach brunt thinks hes handsome is so funny

the referee watching two apparent civilians enter the ring: 🙂

carmen is so funny here. she uncuffs herself and then just leaves devineaux to die like fuck his ass he can get smooshed

carmen getting increasingly mad at devineaux while she drags him places is my favorite part of the episode

also, either carmen got stronger or devineaux had a few bouts of crazed research where he didnt eat, but she can drag him easily now as opposed to when she was struggling back at the trap in poitiers

they put this shot in the trailer and without context it just looked like carmen was standing there glaring at brunt menacingly

the cat burglar <3

worst fucking ref on the planet i love him

was carmen stopping to listen to julia's voice i would like to think so

ah the devineaux and cars gag. i mean, to be fair, it wasnt his fault this time

starts beatboxing

carmen really just dumped her whole life story on lupe thats so funny. girlie started the day preparing for a match, got her house broken into, and then ended the day learning about a global crime syndicate

they really ended s2 going THE NEXT SEASON WILL FOCUS ON CARMENS MOM and then started s3 going well actually um okay so

theres our transition sentence

lupe's yellow and blue palette btw!! cs color theory i love you

lupe is more of a mom than carlotta ever gets to be thats sad honestly

carmens little smile ough

here is a shot that very succinctly illustrates the dynamics in the coming seasons. the three at the table stand strong- always have. roundy is basically a footnote no one cares about him and then brunt...brunt is sort of on the edge. this carries over all the way into s4 when malestrom tries to drown her

oh my god i forgot about the weird halloween thing the faculty has going on this season i love it

my analysis is right in time for spooky season >:) halloween IS nearly upon us!!!

OKAY well my thoughts on the luchadora tango caper...pretty good. honestly its kind of net zero information because we introduce the premise of finding carmens mom and then immediately abandon it but it sets up um....well....it sets up....what does it set up

anyway- not my favorite episode, even though lupe is fucking awesome. i think it suffers a little from deviating from that classic caper structure and jumping around, but it does its job as an introductory episode.

until we return, sayonara, mon amigos!

[kamiversee]

oh em gee this whole fic has such a grasp on me??? i literally read this in one go and i have never felt more emotions in one sitting. AND HELLO? GOJO? CHOSO? who do i pick fr😝 but trust me its only because of how you write gojo because if this was a real life situation, i’m sending him to a fucking psychologist.

Anywho, I love how beautifully written your writing is to the point where it feels like I’m watching a MOVIE. I never want this fic to end and it’s definitely one of my favorites so far! Now, to talking about gojo and choso😈

I genuinely am so torn between the two. I know Gojo is straight up an obsessive manipulative weirdo who people try so hard to defend even though what he’s doing is so wrong?? and im not even gonna lie, sometimes i want to agree with them bc cmon..its my blue eyed princess :( and can you blame us when the way you write him is so core throbbing?? But regardless, I guess I have some sort of self respect to realize he’s very much CRAZY. But I still really want there to be a happy ending where he’s involved. I just really can’t help feeling like I need to defend gojo and his actions but i wont because yeah he’s terrribleeee😭 part of me still wants gojo=endgame though!

BUTTTTT, that does not mean we have to drag my beautiful husband choso down with us ?? Cmon now you guys, yes the tattoo was a little off and the apartment thing was a lill sus but choso still offered to get the tattoo removed AND there could be a reasonable explanation as to how he got back inside mc’s apartment. You gojo girlies just want to defend gojo so bad that you think flaming on my silly little guy choso will help with proving your delusions🙄.

AND WOOOW THIS RECENT CHAPTER?? Gojo almost made me feel bad for him..until he thought about blackmailing us again?? Like sir. And then that little moment with lord core throbber sukuna?? That was so very wholesome. Talking about wholesome, choso is just such a sweet boy isnt he?☹️ I am a choso defender for life, especially after how he talks to the reader. Also, I don’t really know what to make of Yuki and Choso..like i get what reader must be feeling but wasn’t she just kissing gojo like a second ago? But i can see where she’s coming from especially after having to put her feelings for gojo aside just so she can finally be with Choso and then she finds out that he’s hanging around with a girl he used to fuck around with? It’s all very very interesting indeed. AND KAMI. THE CLIFFHANGER?😓 I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IM GOING INSANEEE.

Anyways, enough of my rant❤️ and can i claim “🐼” anon?

-🐼

Oh how I eat these long messages UPPPPP😩

1. TYSM IM GLAD U ENJOYED !!

2. I love that this felt like a movie for you, I personally ADORE movies & entertainment so it rlly strikes my heart nicely that I was able to give you tht feel through my silly lil fic <3

3. Gojo girlies are insane, there’s absolutely no saving or getting through to them.

And 4. The parallels babes, the parallels. Just as Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso (to some extent)

& OFC U CAN CLAIM THT ANON ITS SO CUTE >.<

[wheelercore]

Vecna targets holly because obviously the fate of every small blonde white girl in stranger things has to be cruel death as a result of the sins of the father (and sometimes the grandfather) re: hoppers whole cancer sperm thing due to his father pressuring him to serve in vietnam and victor killing a family in ww2 so alice is merc-ed and ted [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]. Bear with me. Which is like such a Thing because steves father forces him to get the job and billys father forced him to find max and eddies father got him into some scheme for money and lonnie trying to force his sons to be "masculine" and brenner training el to kill etc etc and its like OOOOOOH the show is actually full of children being forced to do things they dont want to do by their father figures!

Rlly what im saying here is that lonnie forcing jonathan to shoot rabbits -> nancy being a natural shot (like as if she inherented the skill 2 kill) -> alice being symbolized by a rabbit (show henry kills the rabbit and leaves it for alice to find) -> alices death still to this day never being confirmed as henry being the killer, even in tfs (i didnt watch the play so idk what the timeline is on that).

(An eye for an eye or a dead blonde little girl (holly) for a dead blonde little girl (alice) so to say).

To add, there being no throwaway lines is so funny because all this makes me think about a s4 tedkaren (ofc) interaction where ted says "anything is possible" in response to hellfire possibly being the killers of chrissy and fred then karen snaps that their kids are not "murderers" - ted then says thats not what he meant and that shes putting words in his mouth.

Ofc instinctively we side with karen looking at it on the surface (we know, as the audience, that hellfire is not the killers and ppl are biased towards karen anyways) but the show's subtext itself tells us repeatedly that otherwise good "normal" people can be turned into murderers if the circumstances present themselves. El is a murderer (girl has a body count). Fred benson is a murderer. Victor creel is a murderer. Henry, a normal kid by all means, was turned into a murderer against his will. Hell, murray even tells hopper to tone his violent behavior down in s3 if my memory serves me correctly. Would Karen say El is not a murderer by her metric?

Ofc not to be hard on karen here, shes speaking as a worried mother, but really what she is saying here is that they cant be murderers because "murderer" is a label reserved for people who are just inherently bad, serial killers in 80s slashers like billy loomis, jason vorhees, and freddy kreugar. Not "normal" middle class kids who grew up in stable homes. And of course, beyond the text, the aformentioned 3 killers are turned upon their head in ST: billy har/grove, jason carver, and fred benson. With good intention, karen displays the typical black and white thinking of your white middle class american of that period, not even considering the idea that someone "normal" could be groomed, brainwashed, or traumatized by a predator into doing horrible things they wouldnt otherwise do, because in order to do those things there needs to be something inherently wrong or "broken" in you.

Funnily enough, ted does give the nuanced subtext-approved take but just very badly worded and not at all delivered with tact which is typical of him (hes a pov-less mfer to make it worse). But also hellfire werent murderers so thats a point against him, but his take was 4th wall approved. Because again, we see it happen to henry.

But really im also very correct because the admitted initial inspiration for st is literally a movie about how a serial killer brainwashes and traumatizes one of her victims into being an accomplice to child murder lmao.

[pitynostars]

ok so first things first, i loooove gatwa's doctor so much already. if nothing else, i love the masterclass in acting he's putting on, his expressiveness is so impressive. he brings a very fun energy to the role

the church on ruby road has me feeling a bit mixed as well. the plot was kind of meh, and i didn't like how in the alternate universe ruby's mum was just so mean without her. it didn't make sense. like what makes ruby so special, hm 🤨 what's this one white blond baby got that all the other babies in the world don't 🤨 i know the point was to show how much ruby meant to her mum, but like. there are other ways to do it than have a complete 180 in characterization.

i'm honestly not super interested in the mystery of ruby's parentage (which apparently seems like it will be a huge thing unless they're just making stuff up to fake us out, in which case, good on them). but i don't want it to be some big reveal i'm sorry 😩 especially not because if it is, people will bend over backwards to say how great storytelling it is when they'd never say that if moffat did a plot like this. i hadn't even considered the possibility really, when i'd first watched it, i thought it's just not that deep, but maybe i'm wrong. the people who are theorizing that ruby is rose and tentoo's daughter are sooo funny though like

ur only saying that because she's blond and we all know nobody on this show can be blond without being related to The Blond(tm) 🙄

that literally means they abandoned their kid. yes. such good parents 😫

i also feel like we didn't....really get to know ruby that well? i'll reserve judgement to give them more time obviously, and millie seems very green (not a judgement on her, and she and ncuti seem to have a lot of fun energy together) so there's still time and there's a lot of time in general for the stories to get going, and it had to do double duty as a christmas special and an intro episode for both new doctor and new companion so like, my feelings may also change with time. anyways those are my thots for now

yesss i was sold on gatwa very quickly i just hope he doesn't become 10th doctor rehash number 2345932853845 i am so tired. give him something new. also praying him and ruby don't have a romance angle there were a couple of moments in CORR i was like. GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT AGAIN.

CORR plot being meh i agreeee but also xmas specials plot is a lot of times like a wafer and as someone who watched it quite roasted ngl i kinda appreciated it 😂

YEAH omhg tho with ruby disappearing and her mum (i want to say carla??) completely changing as a person??? i get that the point was supposed to be like one little change can make such an impact etc etc as well. but also i was just like. .... ok but what about the other kids wasnt good enuf ???? maybe i'm a cynic lol. but fr have another MORE kids on the wall bc she's trying to fill a gap she doesn't know is from what !!!! IMAGINE.... especially with it being sort of set up as a doctor/companions parallel oh my god

nooo oh my god i know what you mean about rubys parents i like that theyre setting it up as a counter to 13s "it doesn't matter i'm good as i am my past doesnt define me" etc. but i really want it to not be interesting. i want her parents to just be like. normal people who had to make a hard choice lol. oh my god. i just realised. we're gonna go thru a fucking rey star wars arc with her im gonna lose it byee... imagine she ends the series like "im ruby doctor" :) i would quit watching.

but yeah 100% it's gonna be a big thing. atm i dont care but i guess we'll see and hope they do something interesting with it.... prayers she's an alien tbf

rose and tentoo would be terrible parents tbf i said what i said.

YEAH i know what you mean i feel like that about gatwa too i think its hard making the first intro for both an xmas special because it has to be kinda silly and rompy so you cant rlly get too into the grit of the characters?? still reserving judgement on them both, but its taken me a while to warm up to like. everyone in dr who since bill--- wait i take that back i loved bel in flux from like her first scene but she's not a doc or companion.

[pup-pee]

OOHHH do you think they're opposites?? I'm trying to think about their personalities rn... I can't decide. I do think their voice/sense of humour is the same tho:0 and it does depend what version of batman we're talking about

tldr; i have no idea if u meant techno or c!techno bc i meant c!techno anyways c!techno can b batman, i dont think batman can b c!techno

theres a lot kf rambling below

SO IN FAIRNESS!! again have not seen a lore stream in YRS & ALSO most of the batman im reading is from the 90s so like thats a time an era

so similarly!!! they do have like similar actions? theyre both way more violent than the rest bc they believe its the only way 2 get through ALTHOUGH they try 2 only use it when necessary

like brrr but uhh they also have vry different ideals? c!techno SRRY IM TALKING ABOUT CANON I DIDNT LIKE DIFFERENTIATE @ ALL c!techno has a vry different view of how 2 igg “make peace” than batman does

like batman wants 2 established a higher authority 2 control but hes trying rlly hard 4 them not 2 b corrupt like so hard god hes trying & techno,,,,is like the opposite of that

while i said they both dont kill if necessary, techno still WILL kill & yk thats like kinda hehhhhhhhhhh like mayb a big moral line but also EVERY1 IN DSMP was ready 2 kill so i dont think this point means anyyythingg

THE THE HUMOR THO? i can see it. kinda? i feel like this is embarrassing 2 say but i dont think batman would b the 2nd worse thing 2 ha

MAYBE IM LOOKING @ THIS WRONG BC techno as batman fits way more???? 4 some reason???? like jesus im rambling okHHHHHH

c!techno as batman makes sense

batman as c!techno does not,,,,4 some reason

i literally wrote all this 2 explain that i feel stupid ok welp whatever

i rlly dont read batman LIKE I RLLY DONT KNFACT I TRY 2 AVOID BATMAN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE like out of personal preference of???? idk

like im lretty sure the last thing i read was him running away 2 go think & brood alone while his sons worried back home lol

shit if ur talking about like movie batman or any more modern take then i think ur right

im just stuck jn this time whefe hes still HEAVILY grieving & its not a rlly good look skjfkskgkkgk

this is y i dont do essay/analysis type stuff i usualky regret what i write bc im thinking but dont go back bc i think the thought process is fun,,,but its long skjfks

my dumbasbrain bing like hava yes if im talking about techno its gonna b the c!techno w/out specifying wooooooo like wth

listen i havnt had 2 Differentiate  in SOO LONG AAHHH yeah im not fixing thag word brrr

[funnywormz]

top 10 lobby boy looks please and thank you rate this man like he's in an issue of cosmo and we're ripping him asunder

this was a toughie bc idk anything abt fashion and his outfits aren't described in as much detail as the manager but i still had fun!! decided to only use publicly accessible canon episodes for this (no bonus eps, nothing patreon exclusive) hehe. also let me reiterate once more that i have the worst fashion sense in the entire world

NUMBER 10: 4.10 - audrey burns

awesome episode but this fit sounds boring as hell. it doesn't sound BAD but just...... boring.......... doesn't even have a hat. sad

NUMBER 9: 4.1 - perry sherwin

he doesn't like it and i don't either. white is definitely not the best colour to be wearing when you're employed at a slimy gross murder hotel lol. maybe it looked kinda cool but thinking abt him trying to get the stains out makes me a little sad. also plain white is kinda boring imo....... although it could look cool in a kind of stark way i suppose

NUMBER 8: 4.17 - debbie houston

putting this one low on the list bc it's uncomfortable for him and he didn't like it which is sad. but it's at number 8 not lower bc i instinctively know he was serving cunt here. like i know he looked kinda sexy in it. but he doesn't like it and comfort should always come before fashion imho, hence its low spot on the list. also he didn't even get to wear it out of the closet.......

NUMBER 7: 4.16 - alex potenski

made the manager cringe but i think it sounds kinda cute in an ugly way. like he could wear this to a barbecue or to the beach or something. i like it when madam hotel puts him in pink.........

NUMBER 6: 4.7 - dorothy rennup

it's giving librarian. it's giving tumblr history teacher aesthetic. unfortunately i have a weakness for that kind of outfit so i think it sounds cute. it also sounds comfortable and warm which is important! and the collared button up under a sweater look is always something i enjoy................

NUMBER 5: 4.3 - the habers

we never actually get this one properly described to us which is why it isn't higher on the list. based on the hotel taking on a 70s aesthetic in this episode and the fact that even THINKING about this made the manager cringe kinda fills me with joy bc i know it was ugly and campy as hell. in my heart i know he was so garish and awkward looking and sweaty in this episode and i love it.

NUMBER 4: 4.9 - mr platt

i think this sounds cute sorry miss manager. once again i like it when the hotel puts him in pink outfits. by "coral" im assuming it's a pink/peachy coral type of colour which i think would look cool in combination with black. tidy but a little bit ugly in a way that i enjoy greatly. idk exactly why i like this one as much as i do. but i do.

NUMBER 3: 5.2 - it watches and it smiles

LOVE THIS THANG! underrated episode imo. i love the way this episode combines ominous terror with like, pleasant night time tropical beach vibes. it's rlly good. the description of the lobby boy in this episode is also rlly good. something chunky and very low to the ground that can't move fast but has very very long grabby arms and bulging big eyes and an evil grin........ i love it. sounds very spooky. love it when he's at the window menacing the guy inside. it's easy to get a vague idea of this creature in my head but hard to pin it down to a specific design which i think is intentional, and i rlly like it. very shaped animal. sounds like he might look at little bit silly if you caught him in the daylight perhaps, although that isn't necessarily a bad thing

NUMBER 2: 2.2 - cracker man

sadly we don't get much of a description of cracker man but im putting him high up bc i think he is awesome. bones sticking out everywhere, joints and the wrong angles, all skinny and tall and bulging and swollen and creaking........ love it. i bet he looks so scary. the idea of the monster chasing you being all broken and sad and in pain itself is very compelling. also the body horror side to the cracker man where he's constantly creaking and snapping with every movement is so uncomfortable (in a good way). also as someone with very creaky and sometimes painful joints i can relate to him.

NUMBER 1: 4.5 - robert watson

maybe this sounds underwhelming but hear me out. HEAR ME OUT OK! this is one of the few episodes where the lobby boy is described as wearing the classic red lobby boy uniform, and it's extra shiny and fancy and pretty this time. i think he was physically at his peak of lobby-boy-ness here. the red outfit with the hat and shiny buttons is a classic and it's his most iconic look ever. most people in the fandom including me draw him this way. it might seem boring or generic bc it's so common but to me this outfit is just His Outfit. it's the lobby boy outfit. unbeatable imo. if he was a cartoon character and wore the same outfit every episode i just KNOW it would be this one. it's a classic. i will not be swayed on this.

[olive-heathcliffe-notbps]

how DO alternates get attached, anyway? what does it even do other than make you not wanna kill people?

wish i knew bro it would make shit so much easier on me

but fr. its hard 2 really give a concrete answer bcuz us alts see attachment as like. taboo basically. if gabe catches you getting attached to a human it uh. its not pretty. other than the torture you get for disobeying Him you get like... exiled almost, or... whats the word He used once?

excommunicated. yeah  that one.

there have been studies on attachment though, i think the u.s... uh... well idr the exact name but it was some fancy shmancy government dept thats done a couple . havent read em though LOL

anyways. ig i can try to explain as best i can from my experience w attachment . n atlas can chime in if he wants too idk and uh . ill try to make it make sense (spoilers it probably still wont lmao). this isnt a definitive like... guide or anything im basically just posting general rambles abt what ive learned over my days lol

so. i think all alternates want to be loved, no matter how far down theyve buried that want. were conditioned from creation to think that gabriel is the only one who can love us, but He wont unless we follow His command to the letter. and what that translates to is killing humans senselessly . and not only that but like. us alts... we like violence. we want to kill. its integral to our beings. none of us can really be "nice" or "good" 24/7 and that uh ... tends to sound scary to the average person . so even if we did all collectively decide to turn against gabe and humans like... magically forgave us for killing and kidnapping thousands of people, its not like we could ever be "normal" members of society. its not like we could ever be loved. so no one really bothers trying.

anyways, from what i can tell, alternate attachment happens when that kinda barrier between humans and alts gets broken (at least from the alt's perspective), and it typically happens when an alt is in close proximity to its assigned victim for a long period of time. that time varies from alt to alt too, like it deffo took a lot longer for atlas to get attached to cesar than it did for me to get attached to mark. nd i could be wrong abt this but i also noticed like. the more a victim interacts w their alternate, even if theyre doing it in a threatened or scared way, the more likely it is for the alt to get attached. "taking an interest" in a specific human is the most telltale sign of attachment, to the point that the phrase is pretty much "slang" for it among alts .

also just to clear this up: while alternate attachment can be romantic, it absolutely doesnt have to be. not at all. id describe my attachment to mark as like. familial honestly. and sometimes there arent even human words to describe an alts attacemt. its a spectrum yk? so dont think any of this is inheritly romantic or some shit cuz ill beat you up

as for what it does. well .

you dont know when u first meet a human that youre gonna get attached. i certainly didnt  . so u just kinda do ur thing n shit, but sometimes it doesnt work and the human lives so ur like. okay ill try again . or maybe youre just doing a long job and ur learning all of ur victims habits n shit. and thats where it kinda begins

the first thing you notice is that like. even though its ur job to kill your human its like. its fun to keep them alive . yk  . you grow to like the sound of em screaming in terror , or them freezing up when they see you . whcih. yeah that sounds kinda fucked to you guys but . just bear w me okay  .

anyways. eventually it gets to the point where, even if youve been given several opportunities to kill your human, you dont take them cuz its just that fun to mess w em. this is kinda where the "taking an interest" thing comes in  too . and then THAT goes into "ok wait . do i rlly have to kill them eventually  ?? i dont want to do that theyre funny :(((("

eventually you realize that like. shit . i dont want this human to die at all. like. at ALL. to the point you'd fight off other threats just to keep them safe. and you get this just- rush of an emotion youve never felt before whenever youre around them. aand you realize. thats love. you feel love towards them, no matter what kind of love that is. its. it feels so wrong at first and- and you hate it, but it just feels so right to the point where you cant imagine feeling any other way about them.

and as you may have guessed. you start to see the human as your own. its kinda hard to really describe but,, it makes sense if you experience it. you need to protect them and love them and hold them so so close or else they might get away from you. and you change yourself so that you can be worthy of being loved back. its. ough its a crazy ass feeling for sure

this, uh,, doesnt come without problems thouugh. for one just cuz an alternates attached to a human doesnt mean the human necessarily likes them back. in fact its honestly really lucky that both me and atlas got attached to humans that actually didnt hate us. (for a while at least.) theres a fuck ton of rumors that get spread around of those who got attached and excommunicated, only for the human they were attached to kill themself because they couldnt live with an alt constantly following them around and trying to talk to them.

...i cant describe how lucky i am that mark came back.

not to mention you hafta constantly live in fear all the damn time cuz you could get discovered n tortured at any moment. its. its really shit but damn it if your human doesnt make it all worth it. damn it if you wouldnt endure any kind of danger just to stick with them. damn it if you dont want to comfort them and feel murderous rage whenever theyre sad and.

damn it if they arent yours.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I’m ngl that tiktok thing sent me into an “oh shit have I ever been doxxed” paranoia spiral too LMFAOO I’m just glad I somehow thought to toggle that off because I’ve def clicked on a tiktok link that’s been j floating around (I think on Reddit too omfg imagine a Reddit dude bro catching me watching an edit or sth posted on a subreddit) so if tiktok still notified people of me despite me toggling that off id lose it

Omfg oaeu is gonna cook so hard…..when I was reading this response literally live reaction “reos a cheater???” Then “LMAOOO NAGI” anyways…it’s funny and ironic and mildly like “wtf man” that sae won the poll and he’s probably like (from our povs) the least interesting LMAOOO but the people have spoken ig lowk your sae idea still cooked though I feel like it fits him perfectly….idk like seabird the idea just works with him very well but I am SOOO hyped for the other ones too….

DAMN IM CRYING THATS KINDA SAD??? LMAO???? Reo sitting in a room by himself sth abt that specifically makes me feel bad for him

Gotta gate keep irl Mira lest your rizz leaks out onto here and attracts dudebros /j OK gonna go watch do lmk if anything funky happens or if the notification thing still happens….although with both of us with the switch off id assume not…if it does im fr questioning TikTok’s functionality

LMAO I love how the edits are numbered and also half of the shinah ones being from the same person I was lowk not expecting the audio from the first one to be used with him though LOL but SHINAH looking majestic as ever!!! Also hakyona>>> and INUMAKI I WAS ALSO NOT EXPECTING THIS AUDIO LMAOAOA lowk im actually not sure if I’ve seen this Inumaki one??? Maybe not??? But I’m crying I was fr just thinking “guys it’s the same SHINAH scene in ever edit” REBOOT WHEN need more content for him omg

That cafe would be so hilarious LMAOOO esp w Isagi and Nagi managing I’m crying Hiori behind the camera trying to motion to him like “no no you can’t say that!!” While Rin just ignores him and keeps flaming sae LMAOOO

I fr cried laughing when I read that it’s giving Thomas the train LMAOOOO like bro what kinda aura is that like yeah we’ve got the big cats death anddddddd yup you’re local bullet train

Ok but the chigiri foreshadowing in epinagi has been crazy first hiiragi now himizu?? You’re right I almost forgot that this takes place before current manga so I mean we know he’s still alive and kicking (lmao) right now but I’m fr stressing about the future!! I’m not ready for chigiri downfall omg I’ve gotta mentally prepare myself DHSHS IM NOT READY

- Karasu anon

LMAOAOAO we are in the paranoia spiral together it’s okay but i think we have successfully escaped unscathed and undoxxed 🤩 omg getting outed to a redditor is a nightmare so glad you managed to avoid that!!

TBH THAT WAS REO’S REACTION TOO like uhhh AM i a cheater?? and then aiku brings up nagi and reo’s just like 😐 JFJSJS omg no but agreed our dislike of popular characters came back to bite us in the end 😩 i def think it’ll have a seabird vibe but the opposite almost?? like reader will be a super soccer fan…ooh wait maybe sae will think she likes aiku because aiku is so popular w ladies and reader is bad at flirting but aiku’s like no she obviously likes you bro and sae’s just like no 😒 she doesn’t 😒

NO IT IS REALLY SAD AND IT’S MEANT TO BE SO like he and reader talk for a while and she’s like damn are you lonely and he’s like no i have lots of friends but then she’s like oh rlly because i don’t think a single person down there could be considered your friend 😭 then reo’s all like yeah ok you’re right i have zero friends and then reader’s like nah we’re both wrong you have one 🙂‍↕️ and that’s how they become besties for life 🥹 they’re actually very sweet together ngl peregrine reo and reader getting together would be a good fic all on its own…like a fic of a fic or smth SKFHSJSJ unfortunately her and nagi are very much my favs so reo has 0 chance but they’re honestly very kdrama coded somehow and in the hands of a more normal author they’d definitely be endgame

DBKSDJSJ can’t let my irl self infect online spaces it’ll go too crazy 😩 jkjk ofc…nothing crazy happened on my end i think we’re safe YAYYY

LMAOOO THAT ONE ACCT CARRIESSSS THE YOTD FANDOM so many majestic edits from them literally just scroll through their acct whenever you need edits of literally any of the characters you’ll find a million of them 🤩 shinah is truly the most glorious majestic beautiful man ever AHAHAHAH and omg the inumaki edit pls the audio is crazy but lowkey the beat fits kinda well idm it 😭 no fr shinah has zero seconds of screen time so all of the edits are the same to diff songs but we must take what we can get 😩 i will literally go to my grave praying for a yotd reboot it needs to happen!!

ZANTETSU FR IN HIS THOMAS ERA 😭 pls honestly it fits how goofy he is compared to those three…also i loved the chigiri x zantetsu crossover i rlly love how epinagi takes the time to highlight every character’s strengths instead of just the protag’s (although ofc nagi gets plenty of focus there’s also a lot abt reo chigiri barou and even tabieita + kiyora now) i wish the main story of bllk did that more too!! but then again epinagi chapters are also longer so it’s more content at once which might make it just seem more fluid than the shorter weekly bllk chapters

BRO EPINAGI HAS IT OUT FOR CHIGIRI I’M SHUDDERING and omg not hiiragi 😒 bro better get his act together or his bastard half sister will appear in bllk and bitch slap him before giving otoya a kissy kiss 😘 most female interaction otoya will have had in months bro might actually pass away and freak out more than his sengoku era counterpart will once he finally gets with the reader for good

[kusundei]

i dont know what the fuck is up with me today but god do i feel horrible. like i feel bad. not even just like a sad way just like i feel like shit and like. really. pessimistic if anything. like i never rlly get lkke this truly it usually foes away after a while and it probably will in a bit its just. i think my mom is just truly making it worse. its so annoying why are you here? if you werent home i wouldve done all of thjs ebfkre yoy guys came home anyway why are you bothering me over and over again. i hate when people tell me to do rhings which is a really like. bratty thing to say but it makes me so upset??? im so upset for no reason. god and she just wont fucking quit it with the money and the hours and the this and this and this. holding shit over my head like it matters like okay what if i kill myself. and acting over and kver again like im fucking useless and im an idiot and im dumb. you do realize if you want me to improve you have to tell me right? like in the moment? if youre still “teaching me” then tell me AS im driving. why the fuck would you sit there and wait last minute as i make the same mistakes (which are not. even. mistakes.) over and over. like okay im braking too late? tell me when it brake. because it works for me but if thats so awful dor you then let me know. why didnt you mention i didnt have both hands on the wheel? i just do it cuz im going straight. i do it normally anyway but like still if its such an issue then just say so??? but no theyll hold that over my head. “youre not ready yet” “you think you know everything” like okay fuck you. im sorry for trying. for trying to be ahead and to have plans and to take some initiative for once because all you complain about is that i dont ever do anything w my life. i have no plans and im a failure but nooo i cant . cant do anything. im trying?? how hard is that to see??? and they keep using it over me. everytime i see jonathan i just remember what he said about me that night and jts never rlly gone away. like what the fuck is wrong with you??? if it was coming from my mom then sure. fine. whatever. shes my mom but who the fuck are you to say that? you’re fucking awful. you two both make me sick and neither of you can see when youre in the wrong because NEITHER of you are ever in the wrong. youre always right. cause im a kid. i dont grt it i dpnt understand. my life isnt hard im not doing alot like god fucking forbid i am a teenager? im still trying to take initative despite that to place myself in a good place once i graduate but always. i will always get pushed back somehow and its so fucking annoying.

imxjusr sooo. tired. maybe this is what it is i got TOO much sleep. knew it when i went to bed at what??? 11???? thats so early. imcjsuf so annoyed i cant im sorry i dont get more hrs??? and im trying im trying im trying. its just so annoying when i get pestered and patronized and i cant do anyhting about it because ill just be lashed again. like god fucking whatever ill just kill myself. would that fit into yoyr schedule? make yoyr life easier? less bills? less to worry about? since all i do is take up space and waste resources. im wasting everything. im sorry for taking up space. i try so hard not to but nooo i cant completely disappear and it just weighs down soooo much on the two of you. im sorry you have another kid. im sorry liam wasnt your only child and you still have a family. im sorry you didnt jusr send me out to live with my dad or sent me with sam but yoy wouldnt have survived without me but im sorry you didnt find jonathan sooner. yoy two wouldve killed each other and im waiting for the day you two realize that what yoy have isnt normal and you get sick of him the same way you got sick of sam because that man tried everything to appease you. thats why irs so awful because hes so much better than i am. if he couldnt do it what makes me think i can? of course im your kid but still. same shit. i cant jusr flee. i cant go anywhere. im stuck here in the same situation ife been in for years. i jusr kept praying and wishing at some point theyd swap rheir attention towards something else and finally leave me alone. treat me like a roommate. why even bother trying to parent me when youre such an awful one?

i dont like cpndemning ever. especially jot towards my mom but god. god god god. im so exhausted just leave me alone. leave me and move on. focus on spmething else. you’ll realize how much happier yoyd be if you just let it go and let me go. it would benefit all of us why do we keep bothering? and i got it the first time? “do you have any questions?” like bitch? youre so fucking annoying. giggling about the fact youre just getting another bonus cause im working now. fuck yoy and your maternity leave. i would never condemn liam for justexisting that man hasnt done anything and hes not even here yet its just YOU. 16 years with you im sick of it and im tired and feel bad for wjatever is to come for that kid. ans shes just fucking malding over ajd over again i did wjat yoy asked already but no theres always more. more more more because you cant fucking do it yourself . yoyre pregnant whatever i dont fucking care im just so. upset? angry? annoyed? i just feel very negative. im sick of your voice and your face and everything about you. leave me alone. i’ll do it. just do your fucking work????? go bake your cookies like???? fuck off genuinely before i like actually kill myself