#its my understanding that pansexual is similar to bisexual but for those who don't see the world in the 2 gender binary

[berzerker-nerd]

This is kind of a touchy subject but I'd like to get my thoughts on it out there and I'm going to try to do it like I think Beau of the 5th column on YouTube would.

So today we're going to talk about the LGBT+ Community, the lgb alliance, my perspective as an outsider looking in, and why I say the queer community

First of all I am an outsider looking in. I am a cis/straight person (as I have said in other posts) but I want to be an ally to those that fall under the umbrella term queer. Now I know that some hate the term queer because it has been (and still is in some homophobic/transphobic groups) used as a slur. I understand not liking the term on those grounds. The main use of the term nowadays though including within the LGBT+ community is as a blanket term for anyone in that community including; enbys, people who are asexual or aromantic and so on and thats how I use it. To me it brings a sense of togetherness which to me is what a community should be: people coming together and sticking up for one another. Making it an acronym makes sections, and sections can be removed. Which brings us to the LGB alliance and the drop the T movement which is exactly what it sounds like. Some lesbians, gays, and bisexuals want to distance themselves from trans people, enbys, and other gender nonconforming people as well as aces and aros. In other words, removing sections. I've been hearing a lot of LGB people saying the same things about trans and nonbinary people that homophobic groups have been saying about them for years. Which in the current political climate especially here in the US which reads as "Hey we'll let you go after these people. We'll even help you do it, as long as you don't come after us." At least thats how it reads from my perspective. I can guarantee that the people who hate the LGBT+ community won't stop hating the community as a whole just because the LGB drops the T. Trust me ive met enough of those people to know. Ive also been hearing about bi phobia within the queer community at large which to me reads as the classic "one or the other pick a side!" thing that straight people have said to bisexual people for years as well as people saying that asexual and aromantic people aren't a thing which doesn't make sense to because if there are people who feel sexual or romantic attraction to the opposite sex/gender or to the same sex/gender then logically there have to be some that don't feel sexual or romantic attraction to any sex/gender.

I'll end with this: if you're part of a large community with smaller sections throwing one or more of the smaller sections under the bus isn't going to stop the bus from running the rest of you over. It might not even slow it down.

Its something to think about.

[cardentist]

hallo, hi...sorry for probably asking something small. but i see you explain things very well and if its okay i wanna have a person explain this to me.

what's a transfem and transmac? i don't quite understand what those terms are. i think i see people use them in context different from just "trans man" or "trans woman"...and looking online i still don't really understand it.

if i am being a bother, please let me know!

@re-ikrmso

well ! the first thing to understand is that these terms will ultimately mean different things for different people !

labels are for people, people aren't meant to conform to labels. so ultimately people will have their own ideas about what different labels mean to them on a personal level.

it's kind of like how there really Isn't one firm definition that separates bisexual from pansexual, the distinction is largely personal and highly dependent on the context of an individual's life. their experiences, what communities they grew up and/or found themselves in, etc !

which ultimately makes it very difficult to give a definitive definition of labels like this that won't risk alienating people, or that other people won't simply disagree with.

THAT SAID.

to my understanding, "trans masc" as a term simply means anyone who is trans in a masculine way, while "trans fem" as a term means anyone who is trans in a feminine way.

for example:

someone who is a Trans Man is most likely someone who was assigned female at birth who then identified as a man (if you'll excuse the outdated terminology for convenience).

but trans Masc may include a variety of other trans identities !

a nonbinary person who transitions or presents in a masculine way may consider themselves trans masc, or at least consider them relevant in discussions about trans masc people, because they have similar experiences (such at with testosterone, bottom/top surgery, how they're treated because of their presentation, etc).

and this Can be true whether this nonbinary person considers themselves Aligned (meaning they are nonbinary in a masc direction) or Unaligned (meaning agender or completely separated from the gender binary). it's ultimately up to personal preference.

or an intersex person may be assigned male at birth And Be Trans Masc, may still transition (medically or socially) into a masc presentation.

they're also convenient terms for people who play further with gender. genderqueer people, genderfluid people, bigender people, etc.

because ! for instance. I am a trans masc person. I was assigned female at birth and I have identified myself masculinely. I would like to take testosterone and go through the social transition into a masculine person.

I also consider myself a trans fem person ! I would like to present femininely as well as masculinely, and importantly I wish to continue doing so after I HAVE medically and socially transitioned. after I've had my name changed, after I've had my legal sex changed, after my body and voice has changed.

there will be times where I will be visibly identifiable as a trans body presenting femininely, And I Like That. I won't just be presenting femininely as a man, I want to be both a feminine and masculine person.

and what this means for me is that I will share experiences with both trans masc And trans fem people, especially socially (and especially where I live, in the deep south).

but there very much so Does need to be a distinction between me (an afab person who is trans in both a masculine and feminine way) and a trans woman (an amab person who is a woman) (again, apologies for the outdated terminology).

and in that sense ! trans fem is a good way to get across the fact that I share Experiences with trans women, but am not one. in much the same way that amab nonbinary people can say the same.

so in other words ! trans fem and trans masc are umbrella terms that loosely connect multiple different sorts of people with similar lived experiences and needs. which is a convenient way of speaking About said needs and issues that may affect all sorts of these people in as efficient a way as possible.

instead of Specifying trans women and a list of other identities that may share things in common with them (a list that will never encompass every kind of person who may), you can shorten it to one more generalized term.

the Drawback of this is that not everybody sees the term that way. some people see trans fem and trans masc as identities in and of themselves that trans women and trans men aren't a part of. some people are people who Do share lived experiences with either trans men or trans women but don't consider themselves either trans fem or trans masc.

and that's like. Okay Actually. it's just expected that for any term that exists in queer spaces there will be people who don't like it or don't personally identify with it or just have a different experience with it.

but ultimately I do find it convenient to use and I choose to do so.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

This is the same with identity: As a Black person, I am constantly made to believe that being bisexual is antithetical to my identity. Being Black and out means being constantly expected to "choose" an identity and "put one first."

Even though race and sexual identity are two separate classifications, people are conditioned to believe that there is only one way of being a Black person or an LGBTQ person. The two are somehow incompatible.

It sounds ridiculous in theory, but we see the reinforcement of that belief all the time, as recently as with Andrew Gillum. That reinforcement is commonly used against Black people, but also anyone that dares to live outside of the boundaries.

The concept that someone is defined by more than just one singular identifying classification is intersectionality, coined by academic philosopher Kimberle Crenshaw in 1989. Over 30 years since, the term is increasingly popular but is still not widely recognized. People still claim that the term is inaccurate, because the recognition of each person's intersectional identity is "divisive," "ahistorical," and "shallow."

Even bisexuality itself is held to a binary. Since the suffix bi- means two, people feel that bisexuality can only mean being attracted to two genders.

This limited view of the word is often weaponized against bisexual people. "You can't like both genders," I was told growing up, "you can't go both ways at once." Other people would assume, again based on the prefix, that being bisexual must mean "dating two people at once." These are conflations that try to set a limit on how bisexuality can work.

Despite having a slight majority in population over lesbian and gay-identifying people, bisexual people are still not given credence over their own identities. Even other bisexual people, such as Amber Rose, have claimed that they aren't "comfortable" with other people's bisexuality. People are conditioned not to fully grasp concepts if they aren't in binaries, these very narrow or disqualifying definitions of the term are the most accepted understanding of bisexuality.

Just recently, we've seen that we can be Black and bisexual, male and bisexual, non-binary and bisexual, nuerodivergent and bisexual, bisexual and in a different-gender marriage, bisexual and primarily dating people of your gender - and more.

Society has always tried to enforce boundaries. Living outside of those boundaries conflicts with how we see the world.

Bisexuality is a prime example of that - the term is more than just "two," or some non-conforming way of sexuality, or some abstract concept, or a "B" in an initialism. That doesn't mean it isn't all those things, too - but that's not its limit. 

For some, bisexuality is their dual existence of heterosexual and homosexual attraction. For some, it's possessing "characteristics of both sexes," as Merriam-Webster defines it.

Someone who have dated more than one gender in the past can be bisexual, as people have done all throughout history. It could be someone's umbrella term to include those attracted to multiple genders, such as pansexual and omnisexual people. People may separate sexual attraction from emotional attraction, and only identify as biromantic - or it may be combined.

Bisexuality could simply be the "potential for romantic or sexual attraction to genders similar to one's own and dissimilar to one's own," as one academic definition explains.

It's all a spectrum. It may not make sense to you, but that's the problem - society has ingrained anything that don't fit into their boxes as nonsensical. It's not about you making sense of it, it's for us to figure out and live with.

As Kristen Stewart once said, "You're not confused if you're bisexual. It's not confusing at all. For me, it's quite the opposite."

Like anyone else, we aren't linear beings. All people are made up of different classifications - that intersect to shape our identity.

Even Rose admitted that her inability to be "comfortable" with bisexuality in others was likely an internalized issue: "Maybe I'm not secure enough to be with [bisexual men]," she said at the time. (Note that both of her comments were from over years ago.)

Maybe, if all people interrogated why they are inclined to define bisexuality - or any identity - a certain way, they could figure out why that is.

Words are binary. Humanity just is not and won't be.

[rowboat313]

June 6: Omnisexual 💗🖤💙

I only have one friend that identifies as omnisexual, and I don't see her very often anymore so I don't know a whole lot about it. Please correct any and all misinformation.

From my understanding of omnisexual it's basically the same thing as pansexual, but you can have a preference for gender. Its different from bisexual because instead of the definition saying "two or more genders" it refers to "all genders".

Google's definition: "People who identify as omnisexual are attracted to those of all gender identities and sexual orientations. Omnisexuality is in the category of multisexuality, which includes people who are attracted to more than one gender."

The omnisexual flag has 5 colors.

Light pink: attraction to feminine people

Pink: strong attraction to feminine people

Black: attraction to other genders

Blue: strong attraction to masculine people

Light blue: attraction to masculine people

(This is what I found on one website, and it sounded similar to what my omni friend told me. Please correct me if I'm wrong.)

That's really all I know on omnisexual. If you have any additional information please feel free to add in the comments!

Please correct any of my misinformation or anyone else's, but be kind to everyone!

Be proud, be kind, be you!

[metanoiamorii]

❛Peace through Power; Faith through Fire.❜

♧ Title: War of Wrath [WoW]

♧ Status: Brainstorming and Drafting

♧ Point of View: Third Person

♧ Genre: Fantasy, Action, Drama, Epic

♧ Warnings: Violence, War, Death, Nudity, Racism, Past Abuse, Generational Healing, Generational Trauma, Vengeance, Genocide, Colonialism, ethics vs morals, history erasure, history repeats itself, humans are the bad guys really.

♧ Featuring: Dragons, Dragons in themselves deserve recognition; found family, diverse LGBTQ+ characters, complex and complicated characters, fantasy religions, plenty of symbolism, complex world building, ethics vs morals, a whole lot of moral grey can be fit into this bad boy, there is some enemies to friends to lovers going on, and some enemies to friends to family too.

♧ Setting: there will be encompass of territories and areas explored. Few inspirations are Mongolia, The Incan Empire, Viking Scandinavia, Ancient Greece.

♧ Synopsis:

In Gri'lian, the gods have vanished and the mortals overstep their boundaries.

Long have been the years of war between human and dragekind. Humans kill the dragons for territory and control; the drage kill the humans in self defense. As time goes on, history proves the humans will not stop. They revel in the war they have instigated, they thrive on the power and authority they have taken by force.

It has been proven the gods have abandoned their creation, they are nowhere to be found. If they will not stop the humans... who will? Who will place the world back into natural balance?

What happens when a single dragon decides enough is enough? He makes the call, if the gods will not intervene, new gods need to be bore. He alone begins a collection of misfits, the most qualified to end the terror of humans and reinstate the drages; those he can trust to bring a new era.

They make their peace and take on their new role. They carve into their skin their sacred oath and adorn themself in the paint of their ancestors. Together, they go to war against the human. They go to war and fight like no one has before. They turn the tides of war and make a name for themself.

They have won every battle, but the war isn't won.

The only way to win the war, they come to realize in time, is not through violence, but through peace. By living in harmony with the human, not in war. They have to learn to live with the humans, to share the world and their lives with one another.

♧ Tease:

Faith through fire, peace through power; our souls bear written this vernacular. Our intentions we laid bare, yet all still cower in fear. To absent gods you make your prayers.... when we answer, you acclaim we give scare? If the help you wish to shun, why should we give chance upon chance to you anymore?

We fight for family, for it is our duty and sacred honor; with blood and fire, we will show you the price of war.

A battle you wished for, know a war you shall now pay for. The natural order we shall restore. Know, although bound to be ignore, our actions are only sincere. This war, by your hand, was it made so severe... For pride, a glut of greed, you were made a whore. Nay, your life we will not spare.

Why?

Why of your lives will we not spare?

Perhaps reminder is require.

The waters have turned red, from the blood we have bled. Of you, we pled, yet our mothers and fathers and our brothers and our sisters you behead. Of daughters and sons you have killed.

Your acts you dare to justify, lacking a shred of dignity?!

You have denied us as your friend, with caution you should have tread... for now? You are dead.

A warning:

They say, the red sun marks death, signal bloodshed beneath the light of its brothers and sisters in the passing darkness... know, for you it is coming.

♧ Excerpt:

"... Father." With only respect, Svihar greeted.

Violkoa shifted his hold onto his fan, blowing a light gust with it. "Svihar." He greets back, in a tone less than kind. "You are a rare one to come, what is it?"

It was no lie. He paid more respect to Kallai, sharing in her beliefs. But still... Here he was, kneeling before his father. "I seek your blessings, Father."

That scowl so neatly woven upon Violkoa's features nearly lightened. Bemused. He cocked an eyebrow and closed his fan. "What do you seek blessings for?"

"An honour battle." Svihar drew his head forward, daring his eyes from the floor to meet Violkoa's.

Now that scowl faltered, the rare smirk pulled onto that stoic and weathered face. "An honour battle?" Violkoa's repeated. "With whom?"

"Whomever I desire." It is a bite, with fangs drawn. Realizing his mistake, Svihar lowers his head and draws in a breath through his nose. "All that have broken their oaths to you, those that cannot adhere to order, the ones who know no law..."

Violkoa unfurled his fan. He shifts the arm he holds around himself and stands, fanning himself.

Silence.

Svihar keeps his head low, awaiting a response. He knows better than to raise his head and tempt a response. He waits. He waits.

He waits until the fan snaps shut in harshness, a gust of wind sent through the chambers. The fan disappears into Violkoa's sleeve as his arm raises, he plucks the center spine from the bun he wears and strides forward. He does not drop to his knees, but he lowers himself so he may spin his son's hair into a similar bun and tuck the spine into it.

To his feet, Violkoa rises. He turns upon his heels, his quilled tail dragging behind him as he disappears back into the temple. He gives a simple command, as Svihar rises to his feet, only when Violkoa no longer is in sight: "Go to war, My Son."

♧ Characters:

— The Lovers

Kaithrine Eve Flora; The First Dragonlord

Female • She/Her • Human • Pansexual • Demiromantic

The young woman that rules Virta'Niliq. Ruler from a young age, Kaithrine has matured faster than she should have. She understands the way of the world more than the adults around her do. As she ages, she meets her future husband, and she becomes the heroine of a story as old as time when she joins forces with the league of dragons that plague the humans. She leads by example and creates history as its known.

Eoin'fynil Sirenheart; The Blood Taint

Amab • Agender • He/They • Water Dragon • Pansexual • Demiromantic

A man with a legacy to uphold: his grandmother is the refined ruler of a sea with a ruthless reputation, his father is an enigma with a merciless reputation.... Eoin'fynil is a nomad, trying to put a distance with his family to raise his son. He puts distance with his family, but he can't outrun a young girl with high ambitions, and his role in history.

— The Order

Svihar Hopebringer; The Father of the Order

Intersex • Genderqueer • He/They • Rainbow Dragon • Asexual • Aromantic

The drage who has brought on a revolution. Although he carries a ruthless reputation to his name, demonized by the humans, he's a very compassionate man. He cares immensely and expresses deeply. He's faithful till the end to his kindred and protective of the family he has created.

Ryltar Flametongue; The Cinder King

Transmasc • Agender • He/They • Fire Dragon • Grey-Asexual • Demi-Homoromantic

The one Svihar trusts the must, and the drage all know stand as his favorite child. He's a drage without compassion that will raze everything before his eyes to ashes, if it means winning the war. He is one the humans fear, as they know he has no mercy to give to them for their crimes.

Dyiare Seawraith; The Wraith of the Sea

Transfem • She/Her • Water Drage • Grey-Asexual • Demi-Homoromantic

The grandmother of Eoin'fynil, known as one of the Sages of the Sea. She's a woman that doesn't smile, her mind fixed only on her responsibilities. She's serious and stern, she has no room to relax and laugh.

Syvtnr Venomtongue; The Enchantress of Reckoning

Afab • Nonbinary • She/They • Nature Dragon • Polyamorous Pansexual • Aromatic

A drage known to masquerade as a human. Famed for her beauty, she is a seductress who uses that weapon to bring humans to their knees. Apathetic, she does not regret using her tacts of manipulation to secure victory for her kindred. And yet, it's her price to bear few see beyond her beauty, she's not seen as a individual, but often only as a tool.

Ayros Golden-Father; The Heart of the Order

Amab • Agender • He/They • Light Dragon • Polyamorous Pansexual • Polyamorous Demiromantic

The trusted advisor, the one Svihar will most frequently turn to when he needs the truth, or advice. A quiet man, Ayros will keep to himself and not offer his unsolicited advice. He will most frequently stand back and observe; he will make himself known, his authority acknowledged, when necessary.

My'fel Frigidbane; The White Shadow

Amab • Demiboy • He/They • Snow Dragon • Bisexual • Aromantic

Simple-minded compared to the rest, My'fel is a drage with a one-track mind. He cares for his basic needs: food, sleep, reproduction, and the art of hunting. He's ill-tempered and reclusive, he doesn't care for companionship, and nothing seems to be able to make him change his ways.

Nyhmar Bronze-Heart; The Righteousheart

Afab • Nonbinary • They/Them • Earth Dragon • Demisexual • Demiromantic

Viewed as Benevolent, Nyhmar is anything as. Perhaps the most bloodthirsty of their family, they have earned a reputation for being amicable and approachable. History forgets how they reigned as a warlord before they joined Svihar, and they demand the blood of all humans, deeming no one innocent of their ancestors' crimes.

Rauor Savage-Heart; The Heartless Beast

Amab • Agender • They/He • Fang Dragon • Pansexual • Aromantic

The youngest of the family and it shows. He follows closely in the footsteps of his more heartless siblings, particularly My'fel. Known for his sadistic streak and apathetic nature, Rauor is an individual that never quite learned that you don't play with your food.

Za-Ylviar Nightstalker; The Eternal Nightmare

Afab • Agender • They/Them • Energy Dragon • Asexual • Aromantic

The most revered of their family by the humans. They favor the terror Rauor instills, the flavor of death Ryltar enjoys, and the dread Zivaryz embodies. They are brutal, erratic, dangerous. No one believes they are capable of compassion and thread with caution when their name is evoked.

Clyte Starforger; He Who Lights The Way

Male • He/Him • Star Dragon • Asexual • Aromantic

Compared to his siblings, Clyte is harmless. He's not violent, nor does he care for blood. He enjoys mischief, causing problems and reveling in watching others trip over their own feet. He's a trickster, to put it plain.

Zivaryz Endbringer; He Who Will Destroy The World

Intersex • Agender • They/He • Bone Dragon • Asexual • Aromantic

Viewed as an object, a weapon, Zivaryz is not viewed as a living and breathing individual. Although a dragon, both human and dragekind will vy to possess the weapon that is Zivaryz. Known to destory everything they touch, they will wither and drain the life of all things they can. A valuable weapon to have in a war.

L'ymra Spiritwalker; They Who Know All

Afab • Genderfluid • They/She/He • Spirit Dragon • Asexual • Aromantic

Perhaps the most soft of their family, L'myra is not a fighter, they do not care for blood and war. They desire peace, harmony. They wish to see the land heal, and the mistakes and crimes of the past be acknowledged. There is a long way to recovery, but they are adamant it will happen one day.

Blym Serenescales; The Guardian Beneath the Skies

Intersex • Genderqueer • They/Them • Air Dragon • Demisexual • Demiromantic

The most akin to their father, Blym puts family and responsibilities before all else. They hold the goals Svihar has set out for them. They aspire to be honorable and never be swayed, no matter the trouble they face for keeping a positive outlook on life.

♧ Taglists:

WOW: @lend-your-lungs-to-me, @wannabeauthorzofija, @northernrosewritings, @shadeshadow234, @necros-writings, @rhikasa

GENERAL: @endlesshourglass, @writerray, @poore-choice-of-words, @primusesgiantmetalballbearings

BOTH: @notugalan, @cecilsstorycorner, @little-boats-on-a-lake, @hazard-writes, @aligned-stars-writing

[nini-trash-forever]

I'm sorry those anons are being so inflammatory towards you. You don't deserve to be spoken to that way, and even if I disagree with your beliefs, I see you mean well and you are a part of my community. Here's an article I found helpful in explaining bi and pan to me aninjusticemag. com/the-history-and-troubling-present-of-the-pansexual-label-9e535e15277 I hope it's interesting, if not illuminating

Hey, thank you so much. I read some of it, I will definitely come back to the article later if I feel like I need to add on (as I’m a little busy right now). But at the very start there is something that needs to be addressed: “No sexuality inherently excludes transgender or nonbinary people.” I completely agree with this, but it’s stating this as if most Pansexual people don’t agree with it. Most of us do! I feel like most of the misunderstanding comes from pansexuality trying too hard to differentiate itself from bisexuality. In the process, there has definitely been some missteps in how things were explained. As someone who is nonbinary, I would hope that the person (or people) I end up with accept me for me and not take on a label to “be inclusive” or something. The past of pansexuality is controversial but so is bisexuality. So much of the two identities are twisted together, especially their pasts (for better or worse). I’ve said before that the distinction isn’t big but it matters to some people. That’s okay. I tried to identify as bisexual for a long time, but I felt more comfortable with Pansexual. “Almost every modern description of pansexuality not only denies this history but bases itself on — and perpetuates — the misconceptions listed above, if not other forms of bigotry.” This— I don’t know how well I can explain this— but it’s false. Bisexuality is its own identity but also an umbrella term, much like transgender. That’s why many people use the definition of “attraction to two or more genders” for bisexuality. It allows for those who identify as bisexual and have attraction to more than two identities to be recognized, while also making room for sexualities that have similarities to bisexuality such as pansexuality, omnisexuality, and polysexuality. At the time of the creation of the term Pansexual in it’s early stages, trans people had very little representation, and most straight people wouldn’t dare be with trans people. Trans people felt excluded. Bisexuality was a great stepping stone just as pansexuality. To say it was only pansexuality with a problematic past is disingenuous. What was considered the correct definition in the 70s is very different from what it is in 2021. Languages change over time, they have to adapt. Think of how quick some memes have died on the internet. It is the principle of how societies change. You don’t hear many people use the term “transsexual” anymore because there was a lot of ignorance, and how people viewed it and talked about it changed over time. There is definitely some misinformation about pansexuality out there, and it is being used against us. I encourage you to look into how many of those quotes from the article timeline are actually from Pansexual people (if you are even able to find that information). My bet is, most of them are straight and cisgender. It is hard to describe a community you are a part of because everyone is different, it’s even harder if you’ve never been from that community. I, as a white person, could never truly explain or understand the struggles of black people. So much of what I saw as a child was stereotypical. Seeing a minority of a certain group should not confirm a bias of a group of people. Most of the people that I know who are Pansexual had identified as bisexual at one point, are dating a bisexual, or openly speak out against biphobia. Not only that, but because Pansexual falls under the bi umbrella, biphobia also affects us. There is so much more I want to talk about from what I’ve stated so far, but it will have to wait until later.

[all-or-nothing-baby]

My Personal Journey to The Land of Pan (But not Neverland. Or wherever that Greek God of The Wild lives.)

I'm Lucy and I used to think I was a Lesbian.

My first kiss was at seven years old, with a girl. When we were alone, we'd kiss and be affectionate and hold hands. After a while, I asked her, "Why do we only do these things when nobody else is around?" and also, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" She answered "No, don't be stupid. It's wrong and we shouldn't be doing it anyway. And I don't want to do it anymore."

I was gutted and didn't understand.

The next four people I kissed were girls. Each of them eventually said similar things.

I still didn't understand.

What was even more confusing to me was I knew I liked boys too. The first person I'd wanted to kiss was a boy with dark hair that hung in his bluer-than-blue eyes. I was at nursery school (kindergarten). Age, it seemed really wasn't a thing. I could like boys and girls my own age but also felt attraction to much older people.

So, I thought, what does all this make me? Different? Yes. A freak? Maybe. Except I didn't really feel like a freak (not for these reasons, at least.) The only thing that actually worried me was my family. I was brought up pretty strict Catholic. I never believed in God but was scared of the things said in the bible - even if I knew it was horseshit - because they believed it. I feared my parents would think I was broken or something. So, I kept schtum.

It was in my teens when I stopped worrying or caring.

Thank (fuck) the UK'S Channel 4 was, from its birth in 1982, a controversial and progressive station. This boon, plus having the advantage of older peers which meant borrowed VHS tapes, alongside my canny ninja abilities (creeping downstairs at the various kids homes I ended up living in), gave me the priceless gift of watching late night movies, such as:

Dog Day Afternoon (1975), My Beautiful Launderette (1985), My Own Private Idaho (1991), Bound (1996), and Sunday, Bloody Sunday (1971).

Even though these films were awesome as somebody who'd experienced same-sex attraction, they still didn't solve the mystery of Me.

I liked both females and males.

Then, in a magazine, I read about 'bisexuality'.

FINALLY I had an explanation for why I was the way I was. And not only that, I wasn't the only one.

So, for the longest time, I thought I was bisexual.

Some of the people I fell for identified with a different gender to the one they were (supposedly, according to everyone else) born with, which I wondered about. To be honest though, by this point, I didn't really care about semantics. I just knew I was sexually and romantically attracted to anyone who made me feel things.

I told my family as and when it came up. I didn't 'come out' as to me, I didn't see why I had to. I'd just tell them when I found someone attractive, whatever their sex. Thankfully, they weren't at all bothered. I'll be eternally grateful to them for that, seeing as I know some people who've been completely ostracised by their own just for who they love.

I'm now thirty-eight. I only heard the term pansexual about five years ago. When I researched it, it was so cool to find out that what I am is a thing.

It was like my whole life I'd been drawing in the sand with a stick. At first, I had no idea what I was drawing. Then, I knew what the image was, but I couldn't quite finish it; I couldn't see it all at once--it was too big. The term pansexual was my helicopter. It flew me up above the beach and, for the first time, I could see the whole picture.

I'm attracted to people. I fall for people. That's it.

This post is a also a thank you. It's for all the people who came before me; and those who came (and will continue to come) after me, who fought and fight for queer rights. They allowed and allow all of us the privileges we have today. Things are still not where they should be, but they are on their way there. One day, I hope, nobody will have to feel confused. Nobody will be cut out, laughed at or beaten. Nobody will have to come out.

I'm Lucy and I'm pansexual.

(Aaaaaand to those of you who have reached this point, wow. And thank you for coming to my Ted Talk! To show my appreciation of you taking the time to read my queer lifestory [the short version!], here's an incomplete selection of stars I had the hots for growing up. All the love, from me to you… June 12th 2019.)

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