#its ok goatman

[elegyofthemoon]

What would you do as a taxi driver if you picked up a ghost and they disappeared from the back seat?

wonder if they wound up making it back to where they wanted to go :( hope they did

[the-iron-orchid]

Apprenticember, Day 31

Name another mc you read about and enjoyed! Shout out your favorite mc!

We did it lads, we made it through! Thanks again to @ghoulfriendfangs for organizing the event!

Man, there are so many good MCs and OCs out there, I can't possibly name them all! But I will give a shoutout to the Squad and some folks I interact with on the regular:

Donna ( @bottomvalerius ) - the very first MC to interact with us when we were new to the fandom, so this little guy holds a special place!

Lua and Aleis ( @luasworkshop and @fullyfunctionalapprentice ) - TWOFER TUESDAY

Iaaaaaaa ( @xx-sharpfawngz-xx ) - the funkiest of Little Guys, we love them sm

Vida ( @apprenticevida ) - I hope the Life Stuff lets you join us again soon!

Ell'iandyr - ( @foxfirefallout ) - they may be a bundle of nerves but they deserve to have A Nice Time, ok?

Franquelin ( @jellyfish-and-therapy ) - glad to see you getting the info on them out there, and looking forward to seeing more!

Jin/Cedar ( @epoch-smog ) - may that shitpost energy never fail you, we love to see it!

Arsenic ( @arsenicxarcana ) - highly respected Goatman main, if you know me that says A Lot!

Rosie ( @drustvar ) - Chaos knows Chaos when it sees it lmao, it's been fun to read more about her!

Misery ( @misery-lake ) - THEY PAY ME IN WOIMS with a side dish of Destroy That Old Man

Bastien ( @daisydevorak ) - he may not be an Apprentice anymore (tho iirc he did start out as one), but Dragon Himbo deserves an Honorable Mention! 🐲

The list goes on, but my poor little overtaxed brain is at its limit rn, if our MCs have interacted then ilu 💜

[cielospeaks]

-dv livestream!

thoughts:

-so first of all, mY ABSOLUTE MADLADS HOLY SHIT JOSEPH JOESTAR VOICE RICKY BOI IS GOING TO WIN THE DEDUCTION STAR OH MY GOSHHhhhh ok. i am normal abt this. i would really like it if he wins but im terrified at what sorta skin they will give him.

neutral ending: he gets like. a chopin biopic theme outfit (or even another composer. monteverdi maybe if they want to hammer in the references to orfeo or whatever). playing it safe but thats fine tbh. you want me to suffer (affectionate) ending: its amadeus the movie and idk if ricky would be mozboi or sal but either way im screaming and crying on the ground. bad ending: its none of these options and its something predictable/boring/shipping related and im like. angery face. expanded galaxy brain it will not happen but i can hope: any of my shitpost rickys. music man ricky. froderick fronkensteen ricky. beet from batea ricky. ricky wearing a nightgown and nothing else absolutely losing it ricky (that being said i have no idea but a jekyll and hyde ricky would be a bit goated)

-and for the actual livestream stuff. the three new characters are neat. i think im more attached to them than other ones- memory and adaemil were very lore heavy, lily and friends were fine but i dont feel so invested (esp when operas backstory was just a more marketable rehash of antonios -angry face emoji- ). i like the gambler lady. shes fancy yes but shes got an air of like. elegance and politeness i dont get from other characters in the series. idk i just think shes pretty and shes got them gantsby vibes -pacha hand-. goatman seems nice, like bane or burk or someone. knight seems like a cool guy or could be just the "polite guy villified for plot" and i guess that means either way ill prolly like him -le shrug-. that being said i hope hes well written and isnt a character i wont end up liking. itd be cool if he and ricky can be bros. he gives me those vibes. also gambler lady and antonio being gambling buds would be so cute. the friend he deserves. everyone can be buds with goat man bc he seems nice too.

-not so interested in the crossovers/events besides the holmes one which is big interest omg. the new lady seems like shed be a cool irene adler if shes added. detective as holmes pls. (its prlly gonna b novelist or maybe mercenary bc of mr inference? but listen cone boi is detective so holmes should be too, since his apprentice is lol)

-sept the first school au hunter gets revealed. im like :| bc this series hasnt had any faves yet but it also seems mostly harmless and gives less popular characters skins occasionally so tbh im fine w it. itll prolly be a popular hunter and not my boi antonio but whatever. -shrug emoji-

-rest of lore: ok this is fine. like tbh id rather they dont focus on the journalist plot bc i really dont like it lmao. i find the animation kinda ugly and the characters are all really unlikeable. its also just impossible to talk abt the plot to anyone since everyone has such different takes on it lol

-that being said i am looking forward to maybe the next essence/season (w gambler lady? antonio a/b tier pls he needs it. pretty lady who is also gambler i think he needs this)

[arsenicxarcana]

Bitchbaby Lucio? Asdfsdfsd that's not very nice. NH did pull a lot of punches with Lucio's route though, I feel considering what he's like in the rest of the game there should've been at least a little resistance to change or a scene where he argues with the MC. Like when Asra warned MC he makes enemies as quickly as friends I was hoping it was foreshadowing they were going to have a falling out later on over something but nope... they went full board in making him an antagonist in other routes and then played it safe and woobified him in his own. :(

bitchbaby is default lucio, u know this to be true

and yeah 1) i looked at his character archetype and knew they weren't going to be able to handle it properly from the start (this is also why i'm picky about other people's lucio HCs/fics i'm sorry) and 2) they really needed more chapters for each book for the 2nd routes, especially his

it feels the weakest of all 6, at least up to the endings (bc i haven't got there) and i got the feeling that they didn't really? care?? that much? like they could have easily just dumped him without a save portia type event at any time

i don't like that they make mc choose between lucio and freedom, bc it would be a lot more compelling if they made HIM choose between mc and something he wants

and i would have liked a bit more spine outside of "getting caught up in murder nostalgia in the realms" bc this is a dangerous man and mc needs to remember that if they want to keep domesticating him

i still need to re-read it and pick out what i want so i can write my own version although i think other people are def doing it by now

[crunchity-munchity]

Goatman lives in my bedroom, he likes to eat goldfish and watches anime

We like Goatman ❤

[hellishgoat]

Happy trans day of (online!) visibility!!!💖💙💖

And a older pic! Lol my arms are pure fat! But they have potential!!

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! buzzfeed unsolved AU

OK THIS IS THE LAST BUZZFEED UNSOLVED RELATED HEADCANON SET I PROMISE 

[edit: check out the link at the bottom of the post for more buzzfeed unsolved au content :)]

hinata and kageyama:

90% of the show is them yelling and nobody watches it with earphones on

both of them believe in ghosts but that doesn't mean they want to see one

hinata will literally go to the bathroom five times before going to the spooky house and kageyama gets mad at him for it but there is Fear in his eyes

producer: 'were you scared?'

kageyama: 'pfft, no'

cameraman: *points camera down to show that kageyama's legs are shaking*

they also bring a shit ton of food with them when they stay the night at a place and they'll deadass be eating while talking about the history of the place

‘this house *crunch crunch* was built in *crunch crunch* 1972'

the producers tell them to stop bringing snacks but fans of the show love it

sometimes they'll shoot a mini mukbang video

SPICY, BARBECUE POTATO FRIES | Mukbang at the Waverly Hills Asylum'

hinata: *looking up how to do a seance on wikihow* it says we gotta offer some food for the spirit

kageyama: *spills the doritos he was eating on the table

*after 20 minutes*

kageyama: fuck this

hinata: *starts eating the doritos*

producer: ...

the ghosts: ..................the, audacity

tsukishima and yamaguchi

pretty much a ryan and shane duo right here

yamaguchi: we'll be visiting this place as part of our ongoing investigation on the question, are ghosts real?

tsukishima: *shakes head*

yamaguchi just wants to see the look of fear in tsukishima’s eyes at least once

yamaguchi: *hears a random thump sound* fUCk tSuKkI a gHoSt!!!

tsukishima: *sees a chair being tossed across the room* huh, the wind is pretty strong today

he likes to stick his head into attics to scare yamaguchi

yamaguchi always carries a water gun full of holy water

yamaguchi: i have holy water with me and i'm not afraid to use it! but i'm also sorry you had to die such a horrible death i hope you find peace soon

tsukishima: *walks into a basement that is supposedly a portal to hell* fuckin’ take me already

so many 'yamaguchi being an angel and tsukishima being a demon for 10 mins' video compilations 

daichi and sugawara

a very chaotic buzzfeed unsolved duo

suga, who is satan’s child himself, and daichi, who needs a raise

daichi: hello everyone! this is daichi,

sugawara: and suga

daichi: and you’re watching...

sugawara: jackass!!

daichi:...buzz...buzzfeed unsolved??

daichi started out being afraid of almost every place he had to walk into but after having to deal with the chaotic mess that is suga for an entire season, he no longer Feels Fear

this is because suga will deadass film a tiktok dance video no matter where he is

daichi: suga, someone was literally axe-murdered there

suga: *dancing along to ‘I’m a Savage’ or whatever that tiktok song is called*

daichi: *at cameraman* do you see what i have to deal with every day?’

suga is only genuinely scared by ghosts when his followers point out that a ghost was caught on camera in one of his tiktok videos

suga: *watching the video*

that was the end of suga’s tiktok career

tanaka and nishinoya:

another bunch of loud bois but they are much louder than kageyama and hinata

they’re very much into proving the existence of cryptids and are most known for that episode they spent hunting bigfoot by dressing up to look like bigfoot

tanaka: ‘you know that thing they do in cartoons where they stack on top of each other under a coat so they look like just one big guy?’

nishinoya: ‘ryuu i love you so fucking much’

other guy there who is also trying to catch bigfoot: oMg ItS bIgFooT *takes picture with the blurriest camera he could find*

both of them are very committed in their investigation of the supernatural and they’re very unconventional approaches

nishinoya: *lying on the ground in a creepy basement* EAT MY HEART DEMONS! WE’LL PUT THE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE!

tanaka: *takes out a spirit board* *spells out O-M-A-E  W-A  M-O  S-H-I-N-D-E-I-R-U*

ghost: *spells out N-A-N-I*

tanaka and nishinoya: *screaming*

kuroo and kenma: 

kuroo deadass flirts with any ghost or demon they encounter and kenma would sleep over in a haunted asylum for ten bucks

kuroo: *sidles up to the infamous annabelle doll* hey there little lady, what’s a pretty thing like you doing in a locked, glass case with a ‘don’t touch’ sign like this?

kenma: kuroo, there’s a demon inside her

kuroo: well, i’m a bit of a demon myself

kenma: she attempted to choke a guy in his sleep

kuroo: oooh, choking. i can get behind that...

kenma: *looks at camera*

the demon in annabelle: d-daddy??

“kuroo flirting with demons and kenma looking at the camera for 5 minutes”

kuroo’s actually a huge fucking scaredy cat and kenma secretly tries to push him over the edge

kenma: *plays computer-generated screams of the damned on his phone*

kuroo: WHAT WAS THAT?

kenma: ...I didn’t hear anything *looks at the camera as if he was on the office and plays the sound again*

kuroo: i was too scared to close my eyes last night

kenma: i was actually able to catch a bunch of pokemon last night. who knew the winchester mansion is such a hotspot

producer: did you catch any evidence of ghosts?

kenma: ...i caught a gastly

bokuto and akaashi:

bokuto is a die-hard mothman fan and akaashi is emotionally involved in proving that ghosts exist he will stop at nothing

akaashi: all of the evidence on the shadow figures and orbs spotted in this place can only suggest one thing...

bokuto: mothman did it

akaashi: no

bokuto: yes

akaashi: mothman is literally five states away

bokuto: he has wings

during their individual investigations, akaashi has already foreseen how bokuto is going to react

producer: it’s been quiet for a while. do you think bokuto’s no longer scared?

akaashi: oh no. he should be screaming right about now...

bokuto, inside the haunted house: *screams and waves his flashlight around*

akaashi:  and then he’s gonna call for help

bokuto: AKAAAAAASHIIIIIIIIII

*few hours later*

bokuto: i saw my life flash before my eyes in there

akaashi: *muttering incoherently near his ‘evidence wall’ full of blurry pictures and red string*

bokuto: i must’ve stared into the abyss at one point

akaashi: this place is fucking haunted. can i go back? it’s for sale right?

ushijima and tendou:

ushijima’s knowledge of ghosts is based on hollywood movies and tendou has exorcised places just by vibing

ushijima: *brings out a pottery wheel* if there are any ghosts in here, you know what to do

he’s actually never watched Ghost he just knows That One Scene

tendou: *naruto-running through the goatman bridge with a go-pro strapped to his head* IT’S MY BRIDGE GOATMAN, IT’S MY BRIDGE!!!

the Goatman Himself: i’ve never felt so fucking scared in my entire fucking life

ushijima believes that chanting in latin will Summon the Ghosts and tendou takes full advantage of that

tendou: *handing ushijima a slip of paper* here, apparently this will summon a full-bodied apparition

ushijima: thanks *begins chanting*

producer, interviewing tendou to the side: okay, what did you make him read this time?

tendou: i typed out ‘let me eat your ass’ in latin on google translate and went from there

cameraman: *zooms in on ushijima chanting*

the ghost haunting the castle: *is confused in French*

in the end neither of them get evidence on ghosts

ushijima: well, we'll have better luck next time

tendou: maybe even revisit this place ?

the ghosts: i know i'm dead but this is the first time i've been scared for my life

[EDIT: for more buzzfeed unsolved au content written by me, check out The Search for the Mysterious Mothman, a headcanon set feat. bokuaka]

[golbrocklovely]

Hey, it’s 🌈 anon! hi i’m back! My main reason being that i have ideas and theories on snc and my friends and girlfriend don’t watch them so i can only really go to you, ok, so i would love for them to go back to Goatmans bridge but without Kmk ( call me kris) and the reason being is that i feel like other groups that went got so much more activity, i’m not hating on her but she also doesn’t have a lot of experience like Sam and Colby do. That and i would like to see them maybe split up, like one stand of the bridge and the other on the life size Ouija board. Just to see if answers match up slightly by using the Spirit box Or the Oculus. This is just my opinion though, i just feel like it would have been more interesting if kmk wasn’t there freaking out ever 10 minutes or so, like some of the times were kind of more for the video then like, ya know she was actually scared. And sometimes that kind of annoys me its only ever good if their actually scared thats why i think I enjoyed bowers mansion so much to be honest, like Seth did hype up some of the things the Oculus was saying a bit too much but Sam and Colby were legit freaking out, i do think the tears was kinda forced but over all i do think it was a really good video. That and the bit of evidence they caught of the door slamming was extremely cool. Anyways thats all for now, have a nice day/night!

oh hey rainbow anon ! it's nice to see you back around :)

i think it would be cool for them to go back to goatman's bridge too. that location seems to be a really good spot for paranormal activity. maybe they should go back for hell week. i highly doubt they will, but that would be really cool if they did.

and yeah, as lovely as kris is, she just needs more experience with the paranormal if she's gonna film with them again. her freaking out, especially when she was with celina, was giving me agita lol

and bowers mansion was such a cool spot too. personally, i don't think colby actually cried, so much that he got teary-eyed, but that's basically the equivalent of him bawling his eyes out since he's emotional constipated haha

nonetheless, if they ever returned to those spots that would be really great.

and same to you !

[blake-belladonna-defence-force]

Ok, I could not remember the title for the life of me, ngl. So I was going through your stuff on AO3 to find it. I just now found out that there's a lot more stuff that I haven't read yet. But, this is a response to what my favorite fic you wrote was!

"There's Gold to be Found Within the Woods" The fic where Blake was turned into a tree by a fae while running from the goatman. That one, I just absolutely loved ngl. Gods, its been awhile. Imma reread it, cuz yeah, I loved it.

Oh that one! Oh gosh, I remember really having a blast writing that one so I’m glad that you liked it! Thank you!

[bellwitchfaggot]

Me sitting next to parkers dad at lunch like "its ok. Don't have a seizure. We r going to kiss goatman later"

[mizu-writes-kumo]

Ok just read the buzzfeed au posts i was missing out 😂 ok now... the reason Lance finds out about Kuron is they go somewhere that actually has a high level demon who isn't scared off right away by Kuron and shit goes down. Kuron must defend his human. Bonus points for hiding inside something small or cute- barbie doll, divok box, stuffed parrot...

I could see that.

Its like this "newly" haunted place that fans request them to go. And leading up to the trip, Kuron is normal, he figures its some low level demon that will clear out the moment he nears. Cause just you don't get a human looking body without being up in the ranks. So he's on his usual train of "secptesim". Until they pull up to the place and he realizes no it's on a similar...maybe slightly higher level as well. He changes his tone real quick.

Because like Kuron has no idea who it is and how they would react. And because of something with shooting an episode, Kuron roll up to scout the place and explain, and be like just be kind of chill I'm just passing through. So there isn't a full on demon fight...or he won't seriously annoy or offend the demon in a spot (save Goatman, cause fuck goatman.)

Kuron's change in attitude has Lance immediately be like "oh film this" cause it's so different. And he is teasing Kuron a lot for being "scared" when he usually isn't. Kuron is just like "we should not fuck around at this place tonight." Knowing it is their only option tor the episode. So he goes in, and is quick to try to see if he can figure out who it is, because maybe it's someone who is a friend/likes him enough just him chill for a night with a human.

But turns at no, it's a demon the just about hated Kuron. And the moment, Lance finishes setting up and ready to start filling the start of the episode, and Kuron finishes telling hin they need to freaking go, all hell breaks loose. Like in a bad way, like there is no was to physically explain anything. Stuff is flying everywhere, meters are going off the hook, the house is shaking, and wind from nowhere is blowing hard. And both Kuron and Lance get thrown. In the middle of it all is a doll/stuff aninmal that Lance was like "aw cute" when they walked in.

The other demon's target is Lance, cause they know Kuron cares for him. Which Kuron is not having, but the other demon keeps separating then or flinging Kuron to the side. Kuron those keeping himself hidden out the window, and let's lose his own hell, and the two fight it out for a good while.

Before Kuron manages to get the uphand and destroyed the other demon's vessel, sending then back to hell. (And not something the other could do to him, because he is physically in the world...not possessing something). And its just a whole thing.

Kuron explains everything to Lance once he is sure he is okay. And they just never air the episode. Telling their company they lost all the footage, or it got crazy corrupted. When really it will just never see the light of day.

[apocalypticgargoyle]

Pm is better, your timezone, right?

Also, urban legend bridge? I'm in love, we are literally going to die but its ok

We getting married at night in a creepy bridge :D

- Shiny

I'll call up my texan anons so they can summon goatman. He can officiate

We can do my timezone if you want? It'll be creepier than in your timezone I think

Also I'm picking out my dress should we twin or do something different?

[shane-madej-said-chill]

Fuck both of you

Summary: Shane and Ryan decide it would be a good idea to take you along to explore the Goatmans bridge and scare you but it takes a horrible turn of events.

Genre:Angst

Warning: Language, mention of death

(Gif not mine)

Shane and Ryan had decided to take you along with them to the Goatmans Bridge and you happily agreed. Not knowing Shane's actual reason behind it.

You were a skeptic mostly but there were times where you really really questioned your skepticism and when you did, it was bad.

You laughed at Ryan when he pulled out his holy water gun and wheezed when Shane taunted the Goatman on the bridge and claimed the bridge as his own.

"Ok everyone let's head to the woods" You heard Ryan say from behind you as you stared into the dark woods trying to see something.

Behind you, Shane and Ryan smirked at each other knowing their evil plan was gonna work cause you absolutely hated the woods. They didn't know that the woods were your greatest fear because of past memories, they just knew that you hated them.

All of you walked into the woods going deeper and deeper into the dark trees, you were terrified but you didn't tell them because you didn't wanna seem like a wuss.

"Oh fuck me, I think I left the screaming radio on the bridge, Y/N you stay here and me and Ryan will run and get it." Your head whipped over to Shane so fast you might have gotten whiplash.

"What? You're gonna leave me here? A-alone? Why can't Ryan stay? It's just a little box, you can get it on your own!", you looked at Shane, your eyes begging him not to leave you alone.

Shane came closer to you and kissed you on the cheek, "You'll be fine babe, we'll be back in a second, I swear. As for leaving Ryan, you know how he is. He's scared himself and he'll scare you too!"

You say Ryan glare at Shane from behind him, "Hey! At least I'm not the one who forgot the one thing he was supposed to get! Now come on so we can go get it and get the fuck out of here faster." Ryan pulled on Shane's sleeve and with that they left.

You were so scared that you couldn't breathe, every little snap of twigs and animal noises startled you. You silently prayed for Shane and Ryan to come back already when you heard footsteps in front of you, Shane and Ryan should be behind you, not in front of you.

"Who's over there? Shane? Ryan? If that's you guys, cut it out! It's not funny" You yelled out towards the noise but got no response, great you were going crazy.

Then you heard it again, footsteps, running towards you. It sounded like an animal and then you heard growling causing you to scream. Please God no not again

You started running in the direction of the bridge but started hearing the noises from that way too. Whatever it was, it had you surrounded. Just then you looked into the woods, beady blue eyes staring back at you.

You screamed and sat on the ground crying again, this was it, you were gonna die. Just like your best friend did, three years ago.

You heard footsteps running to you and you cried louder, "Y/N! Y/N STOP CRYING ITS JUST US!!!" Shanes voice made you look up from your arms and you saw a phone in his hand with the sound of the footsteps and growling coming from it.

"Y/N are you ok? We're so sorry! We didn't think it would scare you that much!" Ryan came out of the trees with a mask with beady glowing eyes attached to a stick.

You realized it was all just a prank, standing up you pushed Shane in the chest knocking him back with the sudden impact, "what did you do that for Y/N?! It was a harmless prank!"

When he said that, you saw red. "Harmless prank?! Do I look unharmed to you!?!?!?" You showed him your arm which was laced with scratches from thorns that you got while running away. "YOU BOTH KNEW I WAS SCARED OF THE WOODS AND YOU STILL DID THIS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!"

"Well you never did tell us you were scared, only that you hated them" Ryan's voice made you stop yelling at Shane and look at him, tears still falling down your face.

"You wanna know why I'm scared? I'm scared because this is how I fucking lost my best friend, dark woods, angry wolves and her being braver than she should have been and saying she would be fine if left alone for a minute while I ran to the car to grab something. When I came back, all I saw was wolves attacking a helpless girl and riping her limbs off, one by one." You looked him straight in the eye as you said that, "Fuck both of you."

Once you said that, you walked to the car and sat in the back when you normally sat in the passengers seat. You sat there for about 15 minutess until they both came. Shane noticed that you were in the back and visibly sighed.

"Y/N, Look we're sorry ok we didn't kno-" He began to say as he sat in the car and you silenced him by holding up your hand which he saw in the rear view mirror.

"I wanna go home" Ryan opened his mouth to probably apologize or whatever to which you said, "Drive. I do not want to talk"

After closing his mouth and shooting Shane a sad look, Ryan started the car and drove home.

Part two?!??!? Or no?

P.s. Sorry it's short :(

[arsenicxarcana]

one more for the goatman clan

(its ok its my own art)

[sorin-thru-the-sky]

Adam is definitely dead and here’s why

Ok so I’ve seen a lot of claims how Adam could’ve definitely survived all that, but I’m here to explain why that is highly unlikely. A lot of post are already circling around about all the injuries he sustained, but I decided to use pictures for my explanation. This will be a long post woops :, D

Trigger warning: drawn organs and humouring the death of a jerk

Firstly, I would like to start with how injuries, healing and aura work in RWBY, compared to how in real life damage to certain body part and organs affect the likeliness of surviving.

In RWBY trained warriors can activate a defensive aura that shields their bodies from certain injuries and heals wounds. Aura also has its physical form called Semblance which if used can deplete Aura. But once the Aura is broken, the body is vulnerable and it can’t heal fast until the Aura is full again. So we can assume without Aura severity of injuries works the same as real life injuries. 

Now to the Bees VS Adam fight, I’ll start from the part it all started to escalate, when Yang activated her semblance and punched Adam. His Aura was broken.

Which means his body was vulnerable and couldn’t heal.

Next, the Stab wounds:

I used Anatomy pictures and tried to draw as best as possible, but..

He got stabbed through the heart by Blake, which means a certain death, but if that’s not enough to prove that that killed him then we have the fall

His back hit a cliff on the way down which most likely broke his spine. I admit that fall doesn’t seem like it’s very long, but it actually was, shown by the next shot:

And not just that! The water he fell in is freezing and moving fast which means a big chance for hypothermia. So yep Goatman is definitely dead, gone, no more. Besides, plot doesn’t require his presence anymore so it would be illogical if he somehow survived all that so he could come back. Salem doesn’t really have a use from him, and I doubt Cinder or even Salem have necromancy powers? anyway, thanks for reading and I hope that wasn’t too gruesome.

[incorrectpredators]

a summary of what personalities i give the boys

The Dumb Boys

kevin fiala - the slutty dumb boy. usually flirting with someone else. young, dumb, and full of You Know ;) has been essentially adopted/taken in by kyle turris

juuse saros - not so much dumb as he is clueless. he is like a little baby whom needs someone to tell him what to do essentially adopted/taken in by pekka rinne

ryan johansen - the greasy dumb boy pt 1

craig smith - the greasy dumb boy pt 2

The Fathers

pekka rinne - the most mischievous of “the fathers”, most likely to joke around with and prank his adoptees, still loves taking care of them though, most notable children: juuse saros, eeli tolvanen, miikka salomaki, patrik laine, sebastian aho, mikko rantanen, and Possibly connor brown (based on photographic evidence i have). someone please stop him

kyle turris - the new father. he’s new around here and he has already adopted a child. he’s a little messy with it bc he’s so new to it but is the most organized of the fathers. most notable children: kevin fiala

dan hamhuis - hammer is technically new here, but he really isn’t. he may be just over a month younger than pekka, but is the oldest soul of the fathers. he is wise and the most responsible of the fathers. notable children: none so far, but that may be because he just got back to nashville and is having to take care of Everyone.

The Pretty Boys

roman josi - viewed as the prettiest boy, but is he?, the Dumb pretty boy. he literally admitted he never read a book. thats very concerning to me. he is the residential dumb pretty boy, but kevin fiala is definitely coming for his role. “can we talk? one ten to another?”

pk subban - the answer is no. jos is not the prettiest boy. i love josi but pk just came in and not only took his spot as prettiest defenseman but is also the prettiest player in general. he’s the pretty boy who is just here to have a genuinely good time. he’s also pretty smart, do not doubt him. he is regina george if regina george wasnt white, a girl, and a complete asshole. he is possibly the nicest on the team. “i’m an eleven but continue”

The Cryptids

ryan hartman - hartsy just got here from chicago and he is still a mystery to me. my profile may say filip forsberg is secretly the grunch road monster but hartsy is definitely the most likely to be an actual cryptid. i think it’s possible he’s the goatman. so watch your back shane madej bc hartsy is coming for you.

dan hamhuis - listen, i may not like the fact that we signed him but i do love hammer. im a little disappointed he’s never played for the sharks though, as i really want to call him a hammerhead shark. but hammer is a cryptid, perhaps simply because i have no idea what he’s been up to since he left nashville. how well will he mesh w our d core this year? is he happy he finally got his number five in nashville? does he like beets? i know nothing about him.

frederick gaudreau - i was tempted to put him in the final category of this post but i just couldn’t. freddie hockey is a pretty boy, but he isn’t around enough to be classified With the pretty boys. he’s definitely a cryptid though. who is he? does he like his nickname? does he have any pets? did he ever get his damn locker? these are all questions i may never get the answer to.

The Inbetweeners/Other

note: this is a category that is a combination of players who 1. had traits of at least one category, but not enough to be put in it 2. players who are alone in their own categories and 3. players who technically probably shouldn’t be on this blog, but are

eeli tolvanen - exhibits cryptid traits, but isnt used in that role on here. tends to hang out with the younger guys (juuse and kevin most often) but is a bit of a wildcard. he is usually being flirted with by kevin or being paired of with his “boyfriend” (note that this is a joke blog, i dont actually believe him and the player who will be talked about later on are dating. it’s simply a joke and i tag posts that show hints of any of the players being in a relationship as “rpf” because i know even just the implication can make some ppl uncomfortable) is mostly known for being unskilled in the comforting/emotion side of things (“would a glowstick make you feel better?”) and tends to be a bit blunt or cynical at times, although he might throw around a joke or two if necessary.

filip forsberg - is both a cryptid and a pretty boy, but not enough to be put in those categories. is the meme loving fuck of the jofa line. known for fidget spinners and being put down for chicken (as he’s watching his figure)

viktor arvidsson - could be one of “The Fathers” but he really isn’t. he is just forced to be because JOEY AND FIL DON’T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE THEMSELVES. but neither does he so it tends to be a big old mess when they’re together.

calle jarnkrok - calle is just tired ok. he’s tired and pretty grumpy. he’s a new dad and he’s surrounded by grown adults who act like children, so cut him some slack please. known for tearing up at a marshmallow rendition of himself and hanging out with ekky

mattias ekholm - ah the swedish elk himself. is also a new father and is usually just too tired to even show up in my quotes. when he does, he’s usually hanging out with calle. 

anthony bitetto - PROBABLY should’ve been in the dumb boys category but im not going back to put him in there. a flat earther? most likely. i really need the colorado avalanche to send colin back please he was the only smart one on the team now tony is lost. also im not entirely sure him and colton sissons are seperate ppl.

colton sissons - is the most normal of the group. but is also lowkey dumb. doing his best i think? i hope? once again im not entirely convinced him and tony are seperate people

colin wilson - one of two players who fall into the  “once a pred always a pred” tag. usually seen trying to help tony understand.... literally anything.... and being mourned by me. i miss him. colorado give him back to me :(

james neal - the other “once a pred always a pred” player. he doesn’t appear often but when he does usually something about hating himself is involved. he’s a greasy boy and used to be the pred’s greaseball but now that he’s gone craig smith has taken his place as Main Greaseball

sebastian aho - isn’t on here a lot, but he’s mentioned from time to time. one of pekka’s kids but their relationship is strained due to aho not being on the preds.

miro heiskanen - the Honorary Pred of the account. he may be a dallas star but he’s a pred in my heart. most commonly used as the goofy sidekick boyfriend of eeli tolvanen, which is taken from a commercial they were in together. i joked about them being forbidden lovers and now its just the role he plays on this account. all posts that (keep in mind, i mean it jokingly) refer to miro and eeli as being boyfriends is tagged with “rpf” so you can blacklist it if the implication of players dating makes you uncomfortable