#its okay i’ve only got like half an hour of work left for tonight im ok im chill

[blue-boulder]

sometimes during midterm week you gotta take a break from doing actual useful work and make a google slides presentation called ACADEMIC WEAPON in all caps where you post all the positive feedback you’ve got from your professors to remind you that you are in fact capable of doing your work. you also need to badly edit a picture of your school mascot holding a knife and stabbing your to-do list, just for extra spice

[hansolmates]

the proposal (m)

banner done by the ammmahhzzing @eerieedits​

summary; Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can't refuse. pairing; editor!Jungkook x assistant!reader (f) genre/warnings; the proposal!au, fake marriage au, enemies to friends(!!!), friends to lovers, bouts of flangst, dry humping, slight blood but not too bad, lang, alcohol, poor jjk discovers he has the ability to feel emotion, poor y/n is in the middle as always w.c; 20.1k of endless banter and koo hiding his romantic side a/n; yeah, it’s almost summer. But i think we need a lil holiday magic in our lives! I rewatched the proposal this weekend and whipped this up. Why is koo so gosh darn easy to write? This is my longest fic since i wrote maze runner back in 2014!! i rec this extension to get fully immersed in 2pov! Enjoy and pls tell me if there’s any errors im too poopied to proofread it again drabbles; 01

“When I hired you, you basically signed a contract that said you’d do anything for me.” 

“Yeah, Jeon. I did. That meant like, getting you coffee or working late hours—normal work stipulations,” you can feel the hair on your scalp growing thinner, “not commit fucking fraud!” 

Your boss looks moreso frustrated than you are, but you cease to care. Jeon Jungkook has been nothing but a thorn in your side since your employment at Big Hit Publishing two years ago. Being a budding author who wanted to graduate from online sites and freelancing, you accepted the job as the editor-in-chief’s assistant in the hopes of getting your first book published. 

However, your dreams of being an editor are quickly dissipating, especially when Jungkook corners you this afternoon and announces that he may have left America during the time his work visa was still processing. He may have to give over his editor-in-chief position because there’s no way he can get a work visa processed in time. As a result of this information, he may have told his supervisors that you seduced him on a late night one year ago, and you two fell in love and have been secretly engaged ever since. 

Because y’know, your citizenship to this country is an asset to the company. 

“We didn’t have to go to Norway to PR Emma Watson’s autobio,” you huff, fingers going pale from how hard you were gripping your iPad. Jungkook is an esteemed workaholic, and you have no idea where it stems from. You remember that trip to Oslo, Jungkook insisting that you and him both go to make sure everything goes smoothly.

“You weren’t complaining when we went to that restaurant with the open bar.” he runs a hand through his coiffed hair, making the pomade untack from its style. “You got so drunk that Emma held you while you cried about global warming.” 

Wholly unamused, you frown. “Jungkook, can you please take this seriously?”

“I’m taking this seriously, you’re not the one who’s about to be deported in two weeks!” Jungkook hisses, face dangerously close to yours. Not that anyone would know what he’s saying, but you can tell from his defenses that he genuinely is nervous. 

“You wouldn’t be deported if you had just set an earlier appointment to renew your Visa!” 

“I wouldn’t be deported if you had just set an earlier appointment to renew my Visa!” 

At least twenty pairs of eyes are watching your confrontation, probably making their own conclusions as to what you two were fighting about again. Curse this office for having full-walled windows, you often feel like an ant in a plastic farm. Your work relationship is an anomaly to the rest of the staff. Before you started working at Big Hit, Jungkook’s assistants did not last long. Within the first week of working, you understood why. 

Jungkook whirls around his desk, glaring at the glass doors as he puts himself between the staff and you. “If you don’t marry me,” he says lowly, close enough for his hot breath to fan your face, coupled with his fresh-scented cologne. It annoys you how good he smells. “You’ll also be replaced because they want to give the my position to fuckin’ Karen of all people,” you fight the twitch of your lips. The only thing you two mutually agreed upon is the hatred of his co-editor, Karen. “All of the late nights we’ve worked together, the gallons of coffees you consumed, putting up with my shit, your dreams of becoming an author,” his eyes flicker to the way the grip in your iPad trembles, “will go down the drain and turn to shit. Whether you like it or not, we’re in this together.” 

Pretending to be unfazed, you bat your lashes, “So are you saying, you need me?” 

“For fuck’s sake—”

“Ah-ah, Jungkook. I’m not going to ask you to get on one knee, but you should at least tell me how much you need me.” 

You assume with great confidence that the only reason you’re kept on Jungkook’s payroll is because you’re not afraid to stand up to Jungkook’s bullshit. He looks positively disgusted at the mere thought of paying you an iota of a compliment. You’d say on average, you get half a compliment a month from Jungkook. You say half because he’ll compliment you, then downplay it with whatever flaw he can fabricate to get under your skin. 

He loosens his lavender paisley tie, annoyed. “Fine. I need you. I need you because you’re the only one who knows me well enough to be my wife. You’re the only woman I’ve had full conversations with in two years and knows all my dietary restrictions, favorite books, foods, and hobbies. By process of elimination, you are my best candidate.” 

“Romantic,” you roll your eyes, “I guess I do,” you push him away with a finger to his chest, “but I want a raise. And after we finish Sorn and Mark’s project, I want you to read my novel.” 

“Done and done.” 

“Well Jeon, I guess you’ve wifed me up with your ways of seduction.” you muse sardonically, feeling more upset for yourself than anything. 

“Fantastic,” he sighs, finally throwing his tie across the desk and plopping in his armchair. “Cancel the call with Janet, call PR about Irene Kim’s interview on Ellen, and order me a medium rare steak from J.J. Bittings with a side of brussels.” 

“Right,” you mutter under your breath as you pull up your checklist, as if you didn’t just give away your life to the Devil incarnate. 

Jungkook’s back is already facing you, focusing on his computer displaying two new manuscripts. “Oh, and on your way to J’s don’t forget to pick up your ring at Saks.”

“Bitch, you’re asking me to pick up my fake wedding ring?” 

Unbothered, he shrugs. You see the planes of his shoulders stretch beneath the blazer, because he’s deemed this conversation long over and he has work to do. “Yeah, but it’s real diamonds.” 

You’ve been seeing red for days. 

While the rock on your ring finger is indeed beautiful because Jungkook has impeccable taste, it drags you down and arouses the elephant in the room everytime you show up for work. 

You get enough stares on the daily, and you were just getting used to the looks of pity and sympathy for working under Jungkook, but now there are only snickers and playful winks as you trudge down the cubicles every morning. Everyday feels like the runway at a shitshow, and you are the headliner. 

Taehyung clapped you none-too-hard on the back when you showed up to work the next morning, congratulating you on the engagement. “Can’t believe you’re fuckin’ the big boss!” 

The rest of the staff poke their eyes out of their cubicles like Digletts, and you shush them, using your hand to make them sink down. 

Coffee is spilling down your shirt thanks to him, and you reach for tissues in his cubicle. “Can you not say it like that, please?” 

“Oh, come on. I heard from the supervisors Jungkook went on about how you seduced him late at night and took charge,” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows approvingly, and you fight the urge to not throw up your coffee in his face. “How do you keep it so professional? Or do you save all that pent-up energy for after hours?” 

“You disgust me,” you grimace, stepping out of his cubicle and immediately regret wasting your five-minute break conversing with the typist.

Striding back into Jungkook’s office, he doesn’t hesitate to rattle off the next items on today’s agenda. He barely looks at you when you stride in, too focused on whatever corrections he’s slashing in red ink. 

“Did you get Taemin’s second draft?” 

“No, and I told him that if he can’t get me the draft by tonight he won’t get a publishing deadline and the number of copies published will be decreased by a third.” 

“And Taehyung’s author agreed to our stipulations?” 

“Of course, she’d be dead not to.”  you mutter, “she’s a nineteen year old Influencer, what would she know?” 

“Exactly, that’s why we milk it out as long as we can.” Jungkook throws the first draft in a large, intimidating pile, mixing in with all the others like a needle in a haystack. “Which is why it’s important we snag dinner with her this weekend, we can really—”

“What, this weekend?” your sense of equilibrium cracks, and you walk forward to put his hands on his desk. “I took this coming week off for Christmas. I’ve planned this for months.” 

“I know.”

“I can’t just cancel my flight! I saved up for that!”

“And?” Jungkook brushes off your fury like a piece of lint, “I’m Korean. Christmas is a fake holiday for me.” 

“You can’t just tell me I can’t go home to my family, it’s the fucking holidays!” 

“Why not, I’ve done it before. Remember on Valentine’s day when I told you the only date you have is a date with Kwon Boa’s publicist? Or on Secretaries Day when I argued that you don’t feel appreciated by society anyway and therefore why bother taking one extra day off? Or during Easter when your family screamed in my office on speakerphone that you should quit—”

“Okay,” no need to be reminded of how much you’ve wasted your life for this man, “but this is different. I’ve already bought plane tickets and this holiday is special. It’s a whole family reunion in the Poconos and we’ve reserved over five houses to fit all of us! I can’t just ditch!” 

“But I need you!” he replied just as hotly, in a tone that reminded you so many times of how tethered you are by this man. Two years have gone by, and the only thing that kept those strings together is the constant ache in getting your first novel published. “With all the marriage stuff and stupid extentions we had to make on these writers there’s no way we can get everything done before winter ends!” 

“You’ve done it before, why can’t you just ask Taehyung to assist—”

“Trouble in paradise?” 

A chill travels up your spine, and you and Jungkook exchange panicked eye contact. A tiny, pretty blonde lady struts in the room like it's hers, plopping a fruit basket atop Jungkook’s manuscripts. 

“If by paradise you mean our relationship, then no.” Jungkook’s the first to recover, meeting you at your side and stretching an arm around your waist. “I’d say work-wise things are getting a little rough, but nothing we can’t handle. We’re a team, after all.” 

“I just wanted to stop by as I was in the neighborhood,” the woman says, making herself comfortable in a leather seat reserved for guests. “Congratulations again on your engagement.” 

You tack on a smile, squeezing Jungkook’s arm a little too hard, but it’s enough to make the lady in front of you smile back. “What brings you here, Taeyeon?” 

Kim Taeyeon is Jungkook’s immigration liaison, AKA the person responsible for making sure you’re not breaking the law. She’s a pretty thing, with eyes sharp but a smile that’s soft and deceiving. 

“It’s just a shame you two have to rush a civil wedding,” Taeyeon sighs, looking at the window overlooking the city. 

“Ah, it takes some of the planning stress off my back, really.” you force a laugh, tugging Jungkook to sit on the couch opposite her. “At least one thing is done. The thought of planning a whole wedding with over two-hundred people is so stressful.” 

You weren’t really going to have a white wedding with Jungkook (however you may have entertained the thought, which is reflected in your Google search history) but you had to keep up the ruse that you were. A civil wedding in two weeks, then a quickie divorce a year later. 

“I know! My wedding was a real mess let me tell you, straight out of a movie!” Taeyeon is certainly the type of person to make you feel at ease, so at ease that it’s simple for you to melt your front. “But besides the point, are you two doing anything special for the holidays?” 

“Ah, well I bought a flight to meet my family in the Poconos,” you start, trying not to succumb to your nervous habit of wringing your fingers. You grab Jungkook’s hand as a reprieve. 

“And you’re not going?” Taeyeon’s gaze snaps, yes snaps, to Jungkook. 

You try to step in, realizing your flaw. “We’ve just been so swamped with work, all the immigration stuff and with these book delays Jungkook suggested he stay behind—” 

“But we’ve decided to prioritize our personal life and enjoy Christmas with our family,” Jungkook swoops in, threading his fingers between yours. He flashes Taeyeon a smile, and from the way his face lights up and his nose crinkles, you could’ve mistaken it to be genuine. “I’ve never experienced a big family Christmas, y’know. I’ve missed snowboarding too, I used to do it a lot in highschool.” 

“Oh, that’s just so sweet!” Taeyeon cooes, clasping her hands together. “Do send some pictures when you come back!” 

“Of course,” Jungkook stands up and attempts to leave Taeyeon out. You follow in tow, She obliges easily, mentioning something about just wanting to check in and she also has work to do. 

“Also,” Taeyeon’s head flickers to the people sitting outside Jungkook’s office. “You should manage those workers out there,” she looks at you, sympathetic. “Apparently, they didn’t peg you as the type of person to sleep their way to the top. And that’s just what I heard from walking down the hall once!” she laughs, tinkling brighter than a windchime, but you just tighten the grip on Jungkook’s palm. “Such a childish assumption. Things can be much more complicated.” 

She tips a “happy holidays” off her shoulder, and you both are smiling like the loving couple you are. As soon as the elevator doors close and Taeyeon is really gone, Jungkook moves to let go of your hand, but you hold him in your grasp. 

“She’s onto us,” you snap, tugging him closer to you so your co-workers wouldn’t read your lips. 

“Don’t you think I know that?” he bites back. He looks offendingly at the fruit basket adorning his desk. 

“What if we get caught, Jungkook?” you start to spiral, feeling your deepest fears crawl to the forefront of your brain. You’ve done extensive Google research on commiting fraud, and if you do get caught, Jungkook will never be able to come back to this country and you’ll have a fine of up to $250,000. Your boss doesn’t pay you nearly enough to get by with that kind of debt. “We’ll ruin this company, and our lives, and any hope of being published or credible.” 

“Hey, relax,” Jungkook whispers in your ear, the tone oddly comforting. He pulls you into his arms, and you barely have a chance to recover when he squeezes you extra tight around your waist. Jungkook only ever hugs you when doing PR, and even then it’s an awkward half-hug. Hell, he never hugged you on your birthday. “This is what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna book my flight to the Poconos, bring some manuscripts so we can work remotely, and no one will ever know.” 

You sigh into his arms, nodding tiredly. It feels nice to be hugged like this. His arms are strong and warm, and you feel small and protected. It’s been a while since you’ve felt like that. Maybe Jungkook did have a heart under all that muscle. 

“I’m putting up a good show, aren’t I?” he says, and you feel your heart drop just a little. Disappointed, but not surprised. 

From your view facing the cubicles, you see at least half the employees comically bugged with  heart eyes at you, enamored by your fake relationship. 

“Do not stretch your long-ass legs on this plane, Jeon,” you nudge your smaller leg away from your section of leg room, “Jesus, we’re flying economy!” 

It scares you how little you fought against Jungkook joining you for the winter holiday. It is the logical decision after all, Taeyeon is on your trail about your sudden engagement and you both needed to keep up the ruse. That includes going on family vacations. Also, the fact that Jungkook works through Christmas because he doesn’t celebrate it does make you feel a little bad. You can’t remember the last time the man took a vacation. 

The man in question barely moves at your weak attempt, and stretches his leg even further across your seat. “Sorry, babe,” he says, fishing around his seat for the included blanket. 

“It’s fine, Kookie.” You reply sweetly, and decide to kick off your shoes to drape a leg over Jungkook’s thighs, “you’re like a portable footrest!” 

He looks absolutely insulted at your objectification, but smartly decides to choose his battles and lets you keep your position. Tucking himself in with a scratchy blanket he waves you off, “Whatever, just wake me up when we arrive.” 

“What, no.” you pull up your iPad, shoving the note entry in his face. “I know everything about you, and yet you know nothing about me. I made this easy on you and just wrote everything down. You just have to read it.” 

“Seriously? I’ve known you for over two years, I’m sure I know enough about you.” 

“Really, then how do I like my coffee?” 

“Uh… hot?” 

You give him a look and he knows. With a sigh he grabs the iPad from your hands. Within seconds he’s giving you another dirty look, as if he’s skimming a conspiracy novel. 

“You know all this random shit about me?” Jungkook asks, scrolling down as to what feels like your life story. 

“Yes, because unlike you, I listen when you talk.” 

“Fine. What’s my favorite type of weather?” 

“A warm and sunny day, which correlates to your favorite kind of date which is walking along the beach at sunset. Cliché much?” 

“Okay, rude. Who’s my favorite artist?” 

“You like a little bit of everything, but since seventh grade you’ve been pining for IU. In the office, you like to sing along to Lauv and Hozier.” 

“Favorite movie?” 

“The Marvel Series. But you really like 5 Centimeters Per Second, you like the romance.” 

“And how do you know my favorite anime movie is 5 Centimeters Per Second? I’m pretty sure I’ve never told you that.” 

“Jeon, when we were promoting Momo Hirai’s self-help book at Anime Expo you were gone for two and a half hours at 1:50 sharp.” your boss’ Adam’s apple bobs and he swallows thickly at your admonition. “And low and behold, you gave yourself thirty minutes’ time to line up early because when I checked the schedule Makoto Shinkai had a panel on ‘The Otaku’s Perspective on Romantic—”

“Alright alright, I get it.” Jungkook slumps in his seat, as comfy as it can get with your legs draped around him and a seat at the far end of the plane. You know he’s trying to hide a blush, and you feel proud for making him a little flustered. “You’re lucky I’m a fast reader.” 

The plane ride goes relatively fast, with Jungkook asking quick questions about your family and other random things. It’s like playing a game of 20 Questions, instead it’s the final boss battle with 200 questions and if he doesn’t get them all right, the penalty is deportation. 

When you land, you’re both stiff and glazed over. Once you exit the terminal, Jungkook ditches you for the bathroom and says he’ll meet you at the luggage pickup. You give yourself a few moments, gearing yourself up for the long week ahead of you. At the luggage pickup, you see a tall man watch the revolving conveyor belt with interest. Either that, or he’s zoning out. 

“Joonie!” you cry, nearly dropping your phone upon seeing your big brother. He’s dressed comfortably in a grey sweat ensemble, as if he rolled out of bed and came straight to the airport. 

A bright grin takes over his face, and he doesn’t hesitate to smush your body against his. Under his tall frame you sway, your toes barely swiping the ground. “You’re alive!” he cheers, pulling back and holding your shoulders to get a real look at you. “I can see you’ve gained a little weight, eyes are a little dark, but I’m glad the Devil let you go. I still can’t forgive him for making you skip out on Jin’s wedding.” 

You don’t appreciate the way that Namjoon picks and prods at your exhaustion, but you know he means well. While he does not know your boss by face and name, he had enough artilerary from the billions of phone calls to learn about the Devil and the havoc he’s wreaked upon your life.

When you don’t respond he gets the cue that you do not want to talk about work this week, and he smacks his lips together. “But nothing a little R&R can’t fix! The ski resort nearby has a really nice outdoor jacuzzi and we could set an appointment for facials if you’d like. Or we could do absolutely nothing and turn into baked potatoes and watch movies until our eyes burn up.” 

“Both would be great,” you smile softly, catching two familiar suitcases make their rounds on your flight’s conveyor belt. You grab your pink luggage with one hand, and Jungkook’s black chrome one with your other. 

“So, where’s the new beau?” Namjoon rocks back and forth on his heels, hoping to get a glimpse of the mystery boy you mentioned you’d be bringing as of two days ago. 

“He really had to go to the bathroom,” you squint your eyes to make out the newcomers exiting the dropoff area. “Oh, there he is. Kook!” 

Like a goddamn model, he struts in your field of vision like nobody’s business. Unlike you who stayed in your apartment all day before leaving, Jungkook decided to spend a few hours at Big Hit in the morning to tie up most of the loose ends before your trip. He’s talking to what you assume to be is a client, noting the way his brow furrows as he clutches his phone with a tight hold. He’s changed out of his tie and leather oxfords, but he’s dressed crisply in a dark button up and blazer ensemble, still wholly overdressed for a family reunion. 

Namjoon starts behind you, “He looks...” 

“Handsome?” you goad, elbowing him, “Charismatic? Undeniable presence?” 

“Hard.” 

You don’t know what to make of that adjective, and you subtly shrink further in your jacket as you mull over the implications of his word choice. 

Jungkook steps up to the two of you, ending his call. His eyes float between you and your brother, and he manages to put two and two together. “Hey man,” Jungkook gives a practiced smile, extending a hand. “I’m Jungkook, I’ve heard lots of things about you.” 

“Good things, I hope.” Namjoon chuckles, returning the handshake. “I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you, though. Can’t wait to get to know you this week.” 

“Looking forward to it,” Jungkook takes his luggage and Namjoon grabs yours, leading you two out to his minivan. While Namjoon is preoccupied with getting the car started, Jungkook looks at you as if he’s already regretting making the trip down. “This girl has two braincells to her name. I just got off the phone with Sorn’s publicist.” 

“What trouble can an influencer do?” you reply in disbelief. 

“Exactly, influencing is the trouble,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “she did some mukbang and now she’s in the hospital for food poisoning.” 

“Ah, don’t get too worked up,” you help him lug your suitcases in the trunk. You spot Namjoon subtly eyeing you two from the rear mirror. Pressing a thumb between his brows, you make work to melt away the 11-shaped stress lines on his forehead. “Let’s just send her a Lush gift basket and she’ll be fine.” 

You ignore the way Jungkook’s gaze lingers on you longer than needed, running over to your seat at shotgun. 

The inside of his car smells like bergamot and lemon, and the sweet, vulnerable side of you wants to cry over how much you’ve missed your brother’s scent. It’s been way too long. 

Once you’re all safely in the car and driving Namjoon says, “So, are you going to hide the engagement ring or give the family a collective heart attack?” 

You tense, hands automatically floating to the teardrop diamond weighing heavily on your ring finger. The story that you two contrived about your relationship isn’t too complicated, but complex enough that it seems convincing. Instead of being your boss, Jungkook is your Literary Agent who gives you referrals to new and upcoming authors. You working closely together and bonding over the stresses of the publishing world, have kept a secret relationship under wraps for over a year to avoid any unprofessionalism or favoritism. 

“I was thinking about that the whole ride, actually,” you twirl the metal back and forth, watching it gleam in the light. “Mom and dad know, but I don’t wanna lie to the rest of my family. They’ll freak out because it’s the first time they’re meeting Kook and we’re already engaged. It’s just a location thing, y’know. You guys don’t live in the city so we’ve never had a chance to really talk it out.” 

Namjoon snorts, “Or, because your boss never gives you a break.” 

If Jungkook finds any offense, he doesn’t show it. Putting what should be a comforting hand on your shoulder, he says from the back seat, “I already told you babe, do what makes you comfortable. But I don’t want to lie to your parents early on, you don’t wanna make the situation any more complicated.” 

In other words, you better tell them about our engagement because Taeyeon could be hiding in the bushes waiting to catch us. 

“Smart man,” Namjoon says shortly, but you can’t tell whether it’s a compliment or not. 

“Yeah,” you exhale, turning to smile stiffly at Jungkook, “no use hiding the inevitable, right?” 

The next couple hours are overwhelming. There’s a party right when you walk in your winter villa, your parents throwing you a reunion party (not for your family, but for you specifically because you’ve been MIA since Big Hit) with the house filled to the brim with family members. Within seconds your favorite cousin checks out the rock on your finger and screams that you’re engaged. 

Everyone must be so high off the fact that you’ve made it to a family event that they’re elated you have a life outside of work. Jungkook is treated like a prince, charming the hell out of all your aunties and baby cousins. 

“Oh, pumpkin!” your auntie squeals, linking arms with you while you’re trying to eat your dinner, “I just hugged your fiancé, and he has abs! Lucky you!” 

“Auntie,” you hiss playfully, “you hugged him that tight?” 

“He’s part of the family, isn’t he?” 

“Right,” you force a smile, downing your glass of champagne. The bubbles burn your throat pleasantly. 

“Babe, can you come here for a second?” Jungkook manages to swim his way through the throng in the living room, holding out a hand for you, “your mom said that our room is ready, care to lead the way?” 

His smile, as pretty as you can care to admit, renders your aunt speechless, and she lets him whisk you away to a long hallway that leads to a set of bedrooms. Jungkook lets go of your hand as soon as you're alone, letting his palm run along the pictures that decorate your hallway. 

He stops at a picture of you and Namjoon as kids, faces tanned and lips cherry red from your twin popsicles melting on your hands. “Wow,” Jungkook pretends to be alarmed, “I didn’t know you used to be cute, what happened?” 

“Shut up,” you smack his hand away, walking ahead of him. 

“I thought you guys reserved a bunch of houses, why does the furniture look worn and there’s pictures of you everywhere?” 

“Our extended family has reserved houses, but this is actually my family’s vacation home. I used to go here every winter and summer break,” you reach a bedroom in the corner of the hall, smiling at your wooden name tag hanging on the front, “this is my old room.” 

It certainly doesn’t have that youthful charm it once had, but there are still bits of your childhood scattering the room. There’s ticket stubs and photobooth strips tacked to a corkboard near your desk. Books that you would reread cover to cover are organized proudly on your shelf, worn for wear. 

Jungkook groans in relief, plopping his body down on your freshly made bed. “Your family’s really clingy.” he sighs, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

You turn to give him a snappy answer, but it dies in your throat when you see what he’s laying on. The familiar family quilt sinks under Jungkook’s weight, mocking you. You shriek, throwing your arms over to lug his body to the other side of the bed. Bundling up the quilt in your arms, you glare at a very appalled Jungkook. 

“The hell is wrong with you, woman!” he cries, not loud enough to escape the room, but enough to have your body vibrate in annoyance. 

“Jeon, they put the fucking baby blanket in my room,” you mutter more to yourself than him, folding it under your arms. 

The blanket is comfy in your grasp and you’re sure it’s clean, but the fact that you weren’t actually married and in love made its appearance a whole lot worse. 

“So?” his eyes are wide in confusion, “my mom still has my baby blanket too, I’m not gonna shoot anyone because of it.” 

“It’s not my baby blanket,” you admonish, “it’s the baby maker blanket. A weird family tradition when someone gets engaged.”

“Which means?” 

“They’re expecting us to fuck and have children.” 

The thought of procreating and starting a family with you must’ve caused all the champagne to return to his throat, and he looks a little pale. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” he lies back down on your mattress, and you leave him be so you can chuck the blanket back in your parents’ room. 

You’re barely out the door when a young man is waiting out in the hallway for you, poised to knock. “Hey, baby girl.” they throw you an easy lopsided grin, opening their arms to you. 

In your haste, you slam your bedroom door a little too loudly. “Yoongi!” You let yourself sink into his waiting arms, reveling in the familiar embrace you missed so much. Yoongi is Namjoon’s best friend and work buddy, not to mention the man you’ve had a crush on since you were able to walk. While you can safely say at this moment there is nothing serious going on, a small part of you always wishes there could be. 

His voice husks in your ear, “Why are we hugging in between the baby blanket?” 

“Oh!” you brush past him, opening the door to your parents’ room and flinging the offending item as far into their room as possible. “Sorry, Jungkook and I were a little freaked out when we saw it. We’re definitely not thinking about children right now.” 

“Jungkook,” he hums, and your smile falters just a tad when you see the way Yoongi tips his head down in thought, “It was quite the news. Congrats though.” 

You want to say what you’re supposed to say, that yes, you should be happy. But the selfish part of you does not want this exchange between you and Yoongi to be happening. When you get your quickie divorce in a year, the small, hopeful part of you hopes you and Yoongi could be something. 

Before you have a chance to fabricate a response, strong hands encircle your waist, and you feel Jungkook’s chin digging into your shoulder. 

“Thanks, man,” Jungkook’s voice rumbles, “we really appreciate it.” 

Yoongi gives a nod, muttering something about catching up later before he walks back to the party. 

It’s then that Jungkook’s weight feels impossibly heavy on your shoulders. “You know, you’ve been doing a really shitty job of being my wife-to-be ever since we landed,” Jungkook whispers, feather soft lips dusting across the shell of your ear. It’s an act so intimate you can imagine your family passing down the hallway could be mistaking you two for speaking unthinkable acts. A toddler cousin spots you two and giggles, babbling something to your uncle about how you’re hugging. “You did so well when we were with Taeyeon and Big Hit.” 

“It’s not the same when I’m lying to my family,” you turn to face him, equally simmering. “These are people that actually love and care for me, unlike you.” 

“At least I care about what’s most important,” he grits back, “our jobs, our futures. Is that not enough for you to keep it in your pants?” 

“Excuse me? You don’t even know him!” 

“I don’t have to know him because I’m holding you right now and you’re practically sweating through your cardigan.” he grimaces, digging his chin further into your collarbone, literally trying to get under your skin. “Your face looks like a cherry tomato.” 

You turn your head to bite back, your noses touching. The staring contest seems to last for days. Unlike Jungkook who doesn't know how to register basic human emotion, you still have hopes for a life after this. Before you have a chance to answer, your favorite cousin enters the hallway, oblivious to your concerns. Jimin’s red all over, passing you two flutes of blush champagne. “Hurry up, we’re making speeches!” 

Champagne is overflowing like Niagara, and you and Jungkook are the reason for it as you’re thrusted into the living room. Your weird uncle is in the middle of a long-winded speech about his fishing business and how dreams are made from ‘bait and a dream’. You make eye contact with him, and he gestures wildly to you and Jungkook. 

The crowd proceeds to go wild, echoes of speech! Speech! Reverberating throughout your living room. You and Jungkook share uneasy smiles, unsure of where to go with this show. 

Deciding it’s your family by blood, you start first. “Honestly, when I moved to New York I wasn’t expecting to feel so lonely,” you clutch your flute with both hands, swirling your drink absentmindedly. You then turn to Jungkook, giving him a tender smile which he returns back just as fondly. “Until I met Jungkook. I’m really happy that I get to share this week with the people I love the most, so let's drink to family!” 

Jungkook lifts his glass, “Thank you for the warm welcome, I can’t wait to spend time with all of you. This is my first Christmas with a large, loving family. Cheers to that!” 

The room erupts in cheers, allowing themselves to clink glasses and chase down their respective drinks. Even the little ones crowding the kiddie table in the back are enjoying their apple juice while making silly faces at the new couple. 

Jungkook weaves his arm between yours, and you get the signal to do a couples’ drink. He eyes you with mischief, as if to say we did it. After you two take your drink, Jimin’s the first to drunkenly yell, “Ohmygod just kiss already!” 

“Kiss kiss kiss!” 

“This is going on my story so make it good!” 

“Kiss him before I do!” 

“Oh my god,” you groan, throwing your forehead on Jungkook’s chest. Your family really is something else. 

As if the chants can’t get any louder, it’s hard to focus on anything but Jungkook’s presence. Jungkook lifts your chin up, murmuring, “Let’s give the people what they want.” and he presses his lips to yours. 

It’s awkward at first. Why wouldn’t it be, you’re making out with your boss, in front of your family, pretending to be engaged. But Jungkook doesn’t let up, parting your lips slightly to deepen the kiss. As much as you want to make up how terrible and disgusting kissing Jungkook is, it really isn’t. His lips are soft and he tastes like the peach champagne, and his grip on your waist is strong and warm. 

He leaves you breathless when you pull away, a smirk on his lips for a brief moment before he turns shyly to your family who are probably foaming at the mouth now. 

Maybe it’s the champagne coursing through your veins, but why does it suddenly feel so hot in the middle of winter? 

The first day back starts off wholly uneventful, with Jungkook working on some manuscripts and you preparing dinner with Jimin. Most of your family is on the resort hitting the slopes, so you’re quite thankful for the reprieve since the party was so overwhelming. The blonde is all smiles as he bumps the oven closed with his leg, letting your lasagna bake to perfection. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Jimin rests his head on your shoulder, “it’s definitely not the same when we’re adults. Frankly, it sucks balls.” 

“Big balls,” you agree, gnawing on a leftover baguette from last night. 

“Speaking of big balls,” Jimin wiggles his brows as you attempt to move farther from him.

“Please don’t say it.” 

“C’mon! Just tell me if the sex is good!” 

“No!” you cry, flicking your crumbs at him. 

“I will open this oven,” his hands are already on the handle, “and your dish will undercook.” 

“Don’t you dare!” he opens the oven a tad, and you slam your hand down. “Fine! The sex is fantastic, happy?” 

“Ewh, no!” The storm door swings open, revealing Namjoon, Yoongi, and Lisa, Namjoon’s lady friend. “I didn’t need to hear that, thanks.” 

Your face looks absolutely pained as you watch the two older men walk in. They were the last people you’d ever want to share about your sex life too, even if it is fake. You can only bear to look properly at Lisa as they kick off their boots and shake the snow off their heads. Lisa pokes her tongue in her cheek, looking at you with a wild look in her eyes. “I’ve heard so much about your current drama. Can’t wait to hear the 411 from you, though.” 

Yoongi looks unfazed, then again you never really know what’s going on in his head. “You guys wanna go to a movie tonight?” Yoongi asks, grabbing a slice of the baguette and dipping it in a dish of olive oil. “I think the one that’s showing is based on a book your company published.”

“Is it ‘Rotten Love’?” 

“That’s the one.” 

Pushing yourself off the counter, you nod eagerly. “I’ll go tell Jungkook to get ready. We can eat dinner real quick and then go right after,” you grab a bottle of water from the fridge, “Joonie, set up the table please.” 

Jungkook doesn’t notice you walk in, and you can hear the faint sound of Muse blasting from his Airpods. He’s on your floor, doing pushups while reading a transcript under him. This time he’s using your iPad, every few seconds taking a thumb to scroll down. Sweating through his shirt, you can see the beads running along his silver reading glasses. It’s completely contradictory, your muscle bunny of a boss getting in his reps while psychoanalyzing a potential novel, but somehow it works with him. 

“Maniac,” you mutter, bending down to place the cool water bottle on his cheek. He stops abruptly, like you’ve pressed the pause button on his seemingly robotic arms. Seriously, you can’t fathom how he manages to do both. You swipe the iPad under his body in place of a white towel, which he accepts gratefully. This isn’t the first time you’ve had to snap him out of it, sometimes you’d catch him at the company gym nearing 10PM, reading on the treadmill. 

“What time is it?” he asks, fluting the water bottle down his throat. 

Ignoring the way his neck glistens in sweat, you say, “It’s almost seven. C’mon, we’re gonna eat dinner and watch a movie. You’ve cooped yourself up in this room all day, time to interact with the world.” 

“What movie?” 

“The book we published in 2018, ‘Rotten Love’? They made it into a movie,” and you can’t help the wry grin that takes over your face when you say your next words, “guess who directed it.” 

He sighs, rubbing the towel over his damp hair. The normally styled strands fall limply at his forehead. “I don’t remember, I shifted over that project to PR. Any director’s fine, but please please please don’t let it be—”

“Jung Hoseok!”

“Son of a bitch, we gotta go.” And it’s the first time in a while you see a genuine smile graze his features, one not laced with you and your marriage. It’s an old pastime for you both to get picky over Jung’s work. “I swear, he better not put his scenes all over the place like last time, I got whiplash.” 

After a quick dinner you all pile into Namjoon’s minivan, making your way to the theatre. The drive is fast, and before you know it you’re waiting in line to get inside. It seems that the PR between the film studio and Big Hit did a good job assisting, because there’s a sizable line despite being half an hour early. 

“So honey,” Lisa leans into you, squishing you further into Jungkook’s shoulder. “Did you like, help out with the publishing of this novel? To be honest I don’t even know what your job is,” Lisa admits with a shrug, “you’re not a glorified coffee girl, are you?” 

“No,” her mixed enthusiasm never fails to stump you, “Ah, but I really didn’t do much in the production of ‘Rotten Love’,” you reply easily, relaxing into Jungkook as he moves to drape an arm around your shoulder. “I just told my boss to sign some documents n’stuff. It’s really nothing—”

“Babe, are you kidding? You ran the whole freakin’ project!” and you’re in shock, because for the first time in the history of ever, Jeon Jungkook is paying you a real compliment. “It was her first assignment when she got hired as the big boss’ assistant. A lot of people in the office doubted her,” he squeezes your shoulder, “but not for one second did I doubt her, you could see how hard she worked to make it perfect. I heard the boss was really impressed, too.” 

You remember that period of time. Jungkook made you dive headfirst into the publishing for ‘Rotten Love’, letting you sink or swim in his decision for keeping you employed. After a full month of meetings, negotiations, and debating whether you should have caffeine IV’ed in your body to save time on eating, you got Jungkook’s evaluation. You remember the stoicism in Jungkook’s frame as he surmised your work, throwing you a flippant “it’s decent” before sending you off to do more work. 

Relief flooded your system after those two simple words, because that meant you had a chance and you could keep your job. But this? If what he’s saying is true, you’re on Cloud 9. 

“Awh, thanks Kook.” you squeeze his arm, letting your fingers trail down to lace your fingers with his. 

Lisa’s face is all scrunched, and she doesn’t hesitate to stretch over you to smush Jungkook’s cheek between her two fingers. Her blue nails dig into his soft skin. “I like him, honey. Keep him, he’s so cute.” 

She leaves you alone after that, skipping over to bother Namjoon about buying an extra bucket of popcorn. 

“At first I was nervous having you near my family for a week,” you say brightly, rubbing a thumb over his hand, “but I kinda like seeing you try so hard to not rip other people’s heads off.” 

He puffs out his cheeks in an attempt to soothe the stinging. “Could be worse, I could be engaged to Karen.” 

With that you laugh, loud enough to turn heads and have Jimin and Lisa send you adoring looks. Jungkook sends you a nervous smile, the one that he’d always send you during team meetings when he was unsure of how to respond to something. Instead of giving him a smart answer, you get on your tiptoes to pat his reddened cheek. “But she’s right, you are kinda cute when you wanna be.” 

Instead of replying, he squeezes your hand tighter to lead you inside. 

Everything is smooth sailing after that. You, Jimin and Yoongi are saving the seats while Jungkook, Lisa and Namjoon are getting the refreshments. Jimin is prattling on about a new job interview and you’re listening attentively, while Yoongi shoots off advice every time Jimin says he’s nervous. 

Yoongi looks past Jimin to give you that gummy smile that always made your chest ache. “Chim, remember when she applied to work at Jamba Juice?” 

“Oh my god,” Jimin giggles, clutching your arm. “When you had to do a trial run in front of the manager? You forgot to put the lid on the blender and you sprayed the staff with green juice?” 

“The stains took forever to get out,” you pouted. “And I didn’t appreciate the snaps you saved of me. I got nervous because you were recording me!” 

“Am I hearing some juicy details about your childhood?” Jungkook appears, passing a huge tub of buttery popcorn to Yoongi. 

“Emphasis on juice,” Yoongi says tartly, popping a handful of kernels in his mouth. 

“Yes, do you wanna see a picture of your fiancé covered in green juice? She wore a low-cut shirt that day so it got deep, man.” Jimin says, using his hands to gesture obscenely to his own chest. 

You’re mortified, and you push down Jimin’s phone and cover whatever receipts he has on you. “Jimin, I’d like to stay engaged, if you don’t mind?” 

Your not-so-favorite cousin cackles in response, telling Jungkook that they’ll talk later. 

“Here,” Jungkook cooly hands you a King-Sized KitKat. 

“Awh,” you marvel, immediately opening the wrapper, “you actually read my notes and found out what my favorite candy was?” 

He scoffs, dark bangs blowing up. “Who doesn’t like KitKats?” but you’re giving him the look, and he sighs, “C’mon babe, just gimmie a break.” 

“Ha-ha,” but you break off a piece anyway, lifting it to Jungkook’s lips. It’s then that the theatre starts to dim, and the telltale signs of the movie begin. “Ready to rip Jung Hoseok to shreds?” 

“Always.” 

Barely fifteen minutes pass and Jungkook is spreading his legs. You’re about to kick him before he leans in to whisper, “They made Renee too dull,” he sighs in disappointment, as if he sincerely had high hopes they’d bring the novel to justice. “I mean, I get it, in the novel she’s supposed to be a plain Jane. But she isn’t grey.” 

“Right?” you lean into Jungkook, throwing your legs over his thighs like you’re back at the airport. This isn’t out of intimacy, you think to yourself, you just need to be close enough to Jungkook so you don’t disturb the other patrons with your talking. “She’s either a bad actress or they messed up her character. I really got upset when I read this part, but it’s kinda bland on the screen.” 

As much as you love Jimin, you know he’s not going to get your over-criticality over the media. Yoongi and Namjoon are on the other end of the row, but they wouldn’t be too pleased having you gab over the movie because you’re too much of an aficionado. Jungkook is the only one who can tête-à-tête, or in this case, Kit-a-Kat with you. 

You sigh into his shoulder, inhaling his clean scent. “Let’s pray Jung didn’t completely butcher the chapter where Kenzo reflects on his penniless journey.” 

“I’ll leave the theatre right then and there if that happens, care to join me?” 

“Already out the door, bossman.” 

Jungkook looks away from the screen briefly, reaching forward to take an obnoxiously big bite of the KitKat in your hand. You stifle a giggle, and before you can soak up his cheeky grin he’s already looking back at the movie. 

You wonder what Jungkook is like outside of work, if he has that side to him. A little part of you wishes that this playfulness he’s exuding is real. Not to your fake marriage, but a playfulness he can execute to a person that he really likes. Two days out of the office and you’re starting to see that Jungkook has the capabilities to enjoy life, however simple it may be. 

The movie is finished in a blur, and you and Jungkook are still bickering over the intricacies of the film compared to the novel. The night air is cold and burns your cheeks, reminding you exactly how late you’ve been out.

“Well, I thought the romance was so boring!” Lisa blurted, wanting an in. Her lime green ski jacket glares in your vision, and you move away from her immediately. “No one cheated on each other, there was no drama, or evil best friend!” 

“Whoa there,” and you see the little fire in Jungkook’s eyes, one you’ve learned early on to stay away from when you spent hours in his office debating over manuscripts and plotlines. He stares down at Lisa, really stares down. “You think every romance needs some sort of internalized conflict for it to be good? Why can’t they just grow and learn from the external conflict together? It’s literally useless for them to break up over and over just—”

And that’s your cue to walk ahead of them, because while you did agree with Jungkook, you’ve heard this debate one too many times. Ever the closet-romantic at heart. You hope Lisa doesn’t lose her patience and punch him out. 

“Hey,” you feel a hand pat your hair, and you look up at Yoongi. He looks absolutely fluffy in his long puffy jacket, and he matches your steps with his. “Do I look ugly tonight, or something? I feel like we barely exchanged two sentences with each other.” 

“What, never!” you chastise, “you always look good, Yoongi. And we have the whole week to catch up, remember?”

“Really, then why don’t we go out in two days to pick out a tree for your house? Joon and I are planning on going.” 

“I would love to go pick a tree!” you exclaim, “the last time we got a tree together was when your brother had to lift.” 

“Great,” and he pats your head again, but this time his hand lingers to finger the ringlets of your hair. “It’ll be just like old times, baby girl. I’ll pick you up at 9.” 

Unbeknownst to the both of you, Jungkook’s argument ended minutes ago and he’s mulling over a new type of internal conflict. 

“Owie, ow, ow—fuck you! Ow!” 

“Well if you just hold still,” Jungkook grimaces, taking his turns with both hands to simultaneously wipe the injury with a cloth and then pressing the affected area with an ice bag. 

“Buh ih hurths!” your voice is muffled by the cloth, stained red with freshly bloomed blood. 

The ski lodge started off great. You enjoyed a fabulous beligan waffle breakfast courtesy of Jimin’s parents, and then made the trek to the slopes. You’ve been here dozens of times, so you didn’t feel an inclination to gravitate to any of the fancy schmancy sports. You were fine playing shuffleboard inside, but your inner youth complained that it’s the holidays and you should be getting out more.

Jimin and Jungkook (who claimed he hasn't snowboarded since he was 16 yet he’s doing tricks like a goddamn Olympian) were shredding on the slopes while Namjoon and Lisa were skiing on a smaller hill. You and Yoongi watched safely from the lift, riding it like a kiddie attraction. You must’ve taken the lift at least ten times, complaining about how you’re both too lazy to function and you could really use a hot chocolate and a fireplace. 

After the fifteenth time on the lift, legs numb, you stumble over with heavy boots to where Lisa and Namjoon were waiting for Jimin and Jungkook. They wanted to walk around more and see if they could try a more difficult slope. 

While you were waiting, you had to admit that Jungkook did kind of cool all decked out in his gear. A competitive, playful smile was easily reflected in his gaze despite his helmet and goggles. 

That slight admiration is knocked right off your feet when Jungkook speeds by way too close for comfort and you’re in his path. Jimin had already slowed next to your friends and family, looking at you in anticipated horror.

It’s far too late, and despite the fact that Jungkook manages to pull your body to his while you wipe out, your face crashes into his helmet and you taste metal. 

Mildly disoriented from the impact, Jungkook’s muffled string of curses nurse you back to a decent consciousness as he tries to carry you to the lodge.

“Holy shit, I got that on camera!” Jimin cries, gesturing to the Go-Pro nestled in his helmet. 

So now you’re in pain and it’s all Jungkook’s fault. Your bottom lip is split, and the burn on your face won’t go away. 

You watch as Jungkook dotes on you, his bangs pushed up everywhere due to his grey goggles haphazardly being propped upon his forehead. His pink tongue sticks out as he concentrates on not getting blood on your sweater. It’s just you and him that are stuck around in the lodge after you got pummeled, standing by the fire while everyone else continues on with the fun. 

“Why were you over there anyway, in the middle of the slope?” he scolds. 

“It was the slow down zone, Jeon. You were the only one not slowing down, you speed demon.” 

“Sorry,” he says gruffly, pressing a little too hard with the ice and you wince. He lets up and presses the cloth to your lips to soak up the moisture.

“Did you say something?” 

“I said, I’m sorry.” 

You sigh dramatically, “I wish I had a camera to save that shitty excuse of an apology.” 

“Speaking of cameras,” he shucks his phone out of his pocket, handing it to you. “Jimin uploaded the video.” 

That man, you don’t know where he has the means to quickly upload and edit things, but if it’s for the ‘Gram, it’s worth it to Jimin. You open Instagram and immediately click on @chimmyboi’s story, immediately wincing as the first few seconds reveal the brunt of the impact. He should really put a disclaimer before uploading content. 

The tumble between you and Jungkook doesn’t look so bad, but it’s when you get up does it look gnarly. Your chin is dribbling in red liquid, and Jungkook’s throwing off his helmet and goggles in a panic. 

He makes a half-assed snowball where you’re lying on the ground, pressing it against your mouth. With his other hand he pulls you into a sitting position, not caring that you’re staining his clothes as he hauls you on his body. 

“Ohmygod,” you splutter, trying not to move your lips, “I look like I got decked with a hockey puck.” 

“It wasn’t that bad, don’t be a baby.” Jungkook sees the piecing glare you give him, and he sighs. “Okay, it looked pretty bad. I was a little worried back there, but now the bleeding pretty much stopped and holy shit—stop smiling! You’re making it open up further!” 

“You were worried?” 

“Shut up.” 

The ice bag is watery and not doing much anymore, but Jungkook still insists to cool your face down. You lift a hand to his cold ones, attempting to take the bag and cloth from his grasp. 

“You should go board with Jimin and the rest of them. I can take care of this.” 

“It’s fine,” he reasons, reaching for the ice bag but you hold on tighter. 

“C’mon, I know the only thing you were looking forward to this entire trip was going snowboarding. I’m a big girl, I can be alone for an hour or two.” 

Jungkook locks his jaw, gnawing at his cheek as he mulls on his decision. “Wouldn’t I look like a bad partner if I leave you?”

“Nah, this has happened before. Almost always someone gets injured on the trip. Last time something like this happened I was eight and I got five stitches on my leg. This is nothing. You’re fine.” 

“But still.” 

“Fine, you wanna make it up to me?” 

You scan the room for any ideas, and it settles on a trio of girls huddled by the register of the built-in café. They’re pretty snow bunnies, decked out in sweater dresses and fur lined boots. They remind you a little of The Powerpuff Girls, all in pastels and attached to the hip. Their gaze has taken hostage in Jungkook’s frame, blatantly ignoring the fact that majority of his attention is directed towards you. You wonder why you haven’t noticed them sooner, because now the staring is getting borderline discomforting. 

Slipping off his goggles with your free hand, you gesture subtly to the girls. “They think you’re hot. Go flirt with them a little and get me a free drink, I’m sure they’ll pay for you.” 

He doesn’t understand the correlation, “Why would I do that?” 

You shrug, separating the strands of hair that stick to his forehead. “Lisa and Namjoon do it all the time when they go clubbing. They compete and pretend they’re single for like two hours, and then they keep a tally of how many people offer to buy them a drink.” 

“That is completely different, but I’m open to trying it when we get back to the city.” he acknowledged briefly, getting up from his crouching position. “I got a better idea.” 

Puzzled, you watch him saunter over to the register. Like bees to the honey, the girls follow Jungkook with their eyes, watching him exaggeratedly mull over the menu. 

He spares the slightest of head inclinations to the drooling trio, “Hello ladies.” The smile is not flirtatious, but kind. 

You suppress a giggle, burying your chin in your scarf as you watch the whole interaction. You don’t even know why you asked Jungkook if he would flirt with those girls, as he kept most of his dates private over the years. You picture a college-aged Jungkook getting his daily breakfast on his way to class, ignoring the way his presence attracts heads. 

The barista hands Jungkook a tray filled with a plastic cup of ice, and a cup filled with something hot, and a chocolate croissant. He grabs a straw from a tray, stabbing it in the hot drink’s lid. 

“Excuse me,” one of the girls coquettishly puts her hands behind her back, puffing her chest out as she leans over Jungkook’s order. “The regular croissants actually taste better in my opinion.” 

“Well my wife’s had a hard day, so I think she deserves something sweet.” 

He doesn’t even turn around as he makes a beeline to where you’re seated on a loveseat, carefully placing the tray on the coffee table. 

“Your better idea was making them jealous?” you ask, unsure of his intentions. 

He shrugs, “College-Jungkook always wanted to show off his girlfriend like that, so indulge me for a second, alright?”

Rolling your eyes you reply, “My life is about indulging you. Don’t forget the trips I’ve made to the grocery store when your personal fridge was out of banana—”

“I thought I said we don’t speak of those hard times,” he cuts you off, “ever.”  

You stop him from filling up your ice bag with the ice he brought. “C’mon Jeon, you’re burning daylight out there. I got this. You’ve stalled enough, go have fun in the snow with Jimin, you adrenaline junkie.” 

He scrunches his nose, but relents when you throw him his jacket and goggles. Before he pulls on his gloves, he cups your face with both hands to pull you in a kiss. His hands are cold from the ice, gluing you in place in fear of him kissing you too hard. But it’s barely that, a brushing of lips so tender as he takes extra care with your open lip. 

“Is this also a self-indulgent request?” you pucker, “who knew there was a hormonal teenager under that editor-in-chief’s body.” 

His eyes flicker to the audience in the back, and you don’t need to look behind you to note that they’re glaring daggers in your head. It’s like you’re straight out of a rom-com. 

“You’re leaving me to the bunnies,” you say teasingly. 

“Then hurry up and get better so you can join us,” he taunts, “or else you can’t help me bury Jimin in the snow.” 

It’s a tempting offer that makes you down your drink so you can enjoy the rest of your day. 

Light seeps through your windows, rays kissing your eyelashes and willing them to open. You groan, hand splaying out to wake up Jungkook. When you find his space empty and cool, you sit up and search for your fake-fiancé. 

He’s on the floor, smack in the middle of his morning workout. Your iPad is under his body, and somehow he’s managed to find a setting where the document scrolls for him automatically. He’s not wearing his Airpods, so you rasp, “Jeon, you’re crazy. I get the morning workout, but you don’t have to look over any more transcripts. I think you’ve read enough for this week.” 

“It helps me ignore the burn,” he says shortly, and you see the ripples of his back flex with every push-up. “And I wouldn’t have to do so much reading if my assistant would just do her job.” 

“I already told you, I’m not working during my vacation.” you throw off the sheets, padding to your closet. “I’m going to pick the tree today. You should go to the mall with my mom and Jimin to pick out some new ornaments.” 

“What?” he gets up, and you ignore the perfect view of tight muscles decorating his abs. Exactly how long was he awake for to have sweat clinging to his shirt? You’re going to short-circuit and it’s barely 8:30. “But I wanna go help pick out the tree.” 

“You don’t have to do that, Joon and Yoongi got it.” 

“Yoongi, really? You think he can carry a tree?” 

“This isn’t a pissing contest, Jeon.” you settle on a burgundy Patagonia jacket and grey leggings. “Besides, Yoongi and I are just friends.”

“You sure about that, baby girl?” 

You whip around to poke at his chest, and you ignore how smug he looks. “Do not test me, Jeon. Like you said, I’m with you every step of the way in this marriage. I’m not going to jeopardize that over some childhood crush.” 

“Wow, your life is really turning into a Wattpad entry,” he admonishes, “fake-fiancé still pining over his older brother’s best friend, really high-qual stuff.” 

“I’m serious.” you grit, “I took a week off so I can get away from you and that was ruined, so I would like a little bit of space today.” 

And that gets Jungkook to back away. His face deflates a little, and you feel a little guilty for making him upset, but you stab that thought down and convince yourself that he deserves it. It’s not like he cares about you, he just wants to show off to the boys.

“Fine,” he turns around to put on a fresh shirt, and you almost notice the pout marrying his face. “You could’ve just told me you wanted space. I’m getting kind of tired of you too, you know.” 

He flops on the bed and you huff in reply, quickly throwing on your attire inside your closet while he watches a YouTube video. You check your phone, and at 8:59 a knock is at your door. Jungkook doesn’t bother to get up to answer, and you open the door to see a sleepy Yoongi with a paper cup in his hand. 

“An English breakfast with two sugars and a dash of milk, baby girl.” 

You mask your wince at the pet name. It hadn’t bothered you when you were young, but its starting to feel coddling now that Jungkook is making you hyper-aware of the attention. “Perfect,” you faux-beam, the hot beverage warm your fingers. 

“I’ll just warm up the car and—”

“Babeeeeee,”  the deepest, sexiest voice echoes from your bed and out in the hallway. He sounds absolutely tempting, and needy. You freeze at the way your boss can so easily pretend he’s exhausted and wanting you, “come back to bedddddd. I’m not done with you yet.” 

Yoongi’s ears are red, “Aaand, I’ll let you finish whatever business you have.” 

The older man bolts out of there, and you snap your head back to look at an innocent Jungkook. He tilts his head at your bout of anger. 

“You know, I have half a mind to fling this tea down your shirt.” 

“What?” he looks at you like a child caught with a hand in the cookie jar. “He can’t be the only one who can call you baby.” 

Honestly, you didn’t mean to lash out on Jungkook like that. You did need to put up a face as you were each other's significant others, but it doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time. To top it all off you’ve been feeling weird as of late, and you can only attribute these terrible feelings to a certain brunet who’s been sleeping in your bed. 

But you pin these feelings for another time, because you need to enjoy what little quality time you have with your brother. 

“Hey, whaddya think of this one?” It's just you and Namjoon picking the tree, and Yoongi’s sitting in the cabin keeping warm. He said to call him once you’ve decided, since it is your house. 

“Hm, it’s fine.” you shrug, inhaling the pine. “Maybe a little too tall.” 

Namjoon nods, and you follow him to the next row of greenery. He’s been pensive this whole time, and you have a feeling he’s hiding something. Surrounded by pine and the fresh winter air he says, “Hey, I just wanna say sorry.” 

“Why, did you like that tree over there? I don’t mind it, we can go back!” 

“What, no? I’m sorry for being weird around Jungkook.” 

“Huh?” sure, you noticed the weird language and terseness he gave Jungkook initially, but you chalked it out as big brother issues. 

You two continue to walk around the forest aimlessly, not really tree hunting. 

“I was just upset that the engagement was so sudden,” Namjoon starts, and you feel the guilt start to set camp in your stomach. “And I don’t know, at first he just didn’t seem like your type? I always thought you wanted to date someone gentle, someone you could hold and depend on. He looked so serious, and maybe a little immature.”

“He is a little immature,” you agree softly, digging your boots in the snow, “but I don’t love him any less because of it. We’re growing together.” Shit, why was that so easy for you to say? 

“Figured,” and Namjoon stops to place a hand on your shoulder, “I see the way he looks at you, and you can’t fake love like that.” 

Namjoon’s admonition is so convincing that you almost convince yourself that it is something. 

Something is bothering Jungkook, and he doesn’t know why. 

It’s not the billions of charges he made on his credit card for new ornaments, because it simultaneously inflated his ego and impressed your mom. 

It’s not the way Jimin hangs onto his every word and doesn’t let up, because it is refreshing to have your cousin find a genuine interest in him. 

Jungkook, Jimin and your mom have been taking laps around the mall for the past hour. They’ve floated around here and there, picking out whatever catches their eye for the tree. 

Jimin’s in the middle of explaining the Jamba Juice story when a glimmering window display catches his eye. 

“Hun, have you not bought her a present yet?” your mom says over his shoulder. 

“No,” he exhales, embarrassed that he just admitted he didn’t think of getting you anything in front of your mom. “She doesn’t ask for anything, really.” Besides her book published, a raise, and a potential promotion as editor, but they didn’t need to know that much. 

“Good thing you’re with the right people!” Jimin cheers, ushering him into the jewelry store. 

Funny enough, he knows exactly what to get you. Once he points it out, Jimin and your mom “ooh” and “aah” respectively, agreeing that what he chose was perfect. If you had asked Jungkook a week ago what kind of jewlery you like, he’d give you a dumb look and say “something shiny.” But that’s what’s bothering him. He just walked right into the store, saw what was right, and everything just clicked. 

Jungkook pins that thought for later, because once their shopping is done they’re back at your villa, arranging the ornaments and detangling the lights that have been holed up in the closet for eleven months. 

Jimin and he are sitting on the living room floor, stabbing thread through popcorn. He really only saw this craft in the movies, and the small part of him is amazed that you and your family go through the hard work to make your holidays so warm. 

Your mom appears from her bedroom, clutching something in her hand. She sits in front of Jungkook, a huge smile on her face. 

“Before you say anything,” and it strikes him how similar you are to your mother. There’s that tone he always receives before he gets new news, or the way you’re eager to share something that will make him happy. “I don’t want you to think this is a luxurious gift or anything. But I realized that you don’t have a wedding band so I went through my old cases and found this.” 

She opens her palm slowly, revealing a simple black band. 

Jungkook’s lips part to form words, but his vocal cords betray him. At first glance, this ring could’ve been mistaken for one of Jimin’s plentiful rings adorning his fingers. Upon closer inspection however, Jungkook notes that this band is thinner and more worn. The metal looks strong and old, the slight scratches and faded color revealing that it was a well-loved piece of jewelry. 

Your mom is offering Jungkook a wedding band. 

“If you don’t like it, that’s okay!” your mom says quickly, nerves radiating because of Jungkook’s silence. “It was my grandfather’s. Don’t feel as if you have to accept it. It’s not a wedding band persay, but I think it matches and it looks about your size and we didn’t get you a Christmas gift so—”

“It’s perfect.” Jungkook tells her firmly, sending him a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you, I guess we kind of rushed the engagement so I didn’t think of getting a band of my own.” 

Your mother is grateful, dropping the ring in Jungkook’s awaiting palm. “I think my daughter should be the one who puts it on you, don’t you think?” 

“Right,” he echoes, and he just stares at the ring in his hand, feeling weird in his chest. He can’t remember the last time someone put this much thought in getting him something this significant. He can’t accept this ring, but he can’t refuse it either. “I could never find something with this much value from a little shop in New York, so thank you.” 

“Oh, and while we’re on the topic of New York,” Jimin puts down his completed popcorn wreath, “y/n said she already put in her off days for Easter, so you should too. It’ll be at my place this year, and I live by an indoor skydiving zone. She mentioned you’re an adrenaline junkie.” 

“She also mentioned that your birthday’s in September.” your mom pops in, “We were thinking we could take Friday off and stop by for the weekend. I’ve always wanted to see Hamilton!” 

Jungkook knows they’re trying to cheer him up. They’re trying to make him feel part of the family, feel wanted. But he can’t remember the last time he’s felt wanted unless it’s for a book deal or a business exchange. It’s been so long since he’s felt this warm, and he didn’t realize how much he yearned for it until he proposed to you.

“Hey man,” Jimin puts an arm around his trembling shoulders, “are you alright?” 

“Fine,” he’s crying, and doing a shit job at hiding the tears. “It’s alright, I just,” he can’t even find the strength to get up and walk away from this. Is it pathetic that he’s breaking down in the comfort of your cousin and mom, starved for affection? “I just, I miss my family. It’s just the four of us, but they’re all the way in Korea and it’s been awhile since I’ve really celebrated anything with them. They visit sometimes but it’s not the same, y’know? And work is so stressful but I’m not in a position to say that. And your family is just so, so nice and it makes me miss them even more. You’re all so lucky to support each other like this.” 

Jimin and your mom sandwich him like an Oreo. It’s almost funny, how two smaller humans are comforting this big human and not the other way around. “Poor baby, it’s your family too.” 

Pathetic. It’s pathetic how much he wishes to have a family like yours, but he can’t have that. 

“Can we please not tell y/n about this?” Jungkook wishes, leaning his head on your mom’s. “She’s going through a lot right now with work and stuff, I’d rather just talk to her about this after the holidays, if that’s okay.” 

“It’s quite alright, sweetheart,” your mom runs a hand through his hair, and his eyes automatically flutter closed, “just remember, your feelings matter too, okay?” 

You and Jungkook slip into bed at the same time, murmuring half-hearted “how was your days” and brief descriptions of your outings. It’s a little awkward considering the morning’s events, but not unbearable. 

“The tree smells really nice,” Jungkook tries, looking up from his phone. 

“Yeah, makes the whole room smell like Christmas.” 

“Yeah.”

“Did you have a good time shopping, find anything good?” 

“Yeah.”

“That’s nice.” 

[11:29] Jimin: hey, you know my room’s right next to yours right? 

[11:29] Jimin: we share a goddamn wall and im NOT hearing shit

[11:29] Jimin: are you putting that baby blanket to good use ;)

[11:30] You: YOU”REE DISGUSTING are we even family!!!!  Can i disown a first cousin?? 

[11:30] Jimin: i’m just sayin.. U said it was fantastic

You throw your phone away, letting it slide off to the mattress and onto the baby blanket. Yes, the baby blanket is unfortunately here to stay. Over the course of three days, the quilt is like a ball in a tennis match between you and your mother. You’ve given up and just kept it on the floor. 

“I have a question,” you say aloud, motioning to your bed partner. 

“Shoot.” 

“Was it true when you said I was the only girl you knew well enough to be your wife?”

“Of course, that’s why we’re here.” 

“I’m just wondering, because I really thought you could pick any girl in the office to be yours.” you stuff your hands under the covers, playing with your ring. “I mean, you’re kinda-sorta handsome. You could’ve picked someone just as pretty and they would have studied your whole life story for you.” 

Jungkook's phone falls in his lap, and he looks at you like you’ve lost a couple brain cells. “Normally, I would eat up the fact that you admitted I was attractive. But do you realize you’re just as beautiful, if not more?” 

What? 

“I know it’s unprofessional, but how professional can we get when we’re married, but you’re the whole package, y/n.” and he says it with such fervor, you can’t formulate a response. “I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else. No one else can take my shit and throw it right back in my face, or debate with me for hours on end about a novel’s direction. Only you can do that.” 

“I’m sorry,” you shake your head, “thanks, you’re right. I’m just clouded, and stressed. And Jimin’s being an ass and it’s really bothering me.” 

His chocolate eyes flicker in the darkness of your bedroom, making note of your phone on the floor. “What’d he say?” 

“It’s stupid, he said that he thinks it’s weird he hasn’t heard us bang all week,” you force a laugh, “it’s my fault though, he wouldn’t get off my back so I gave up and told him the sex was fantastic.” 

“Are you worried he’s unconvinced?” 

“A little, maybe? I don’t know.” you’re wrinkling your bedsheets now, turning the cotton into putty as your sweaty palms wring at the edge. 

“I don’t mind giving him a show.” Jungkook blurts, and you instinctively pull the covers closer to your chest, even though you’re fully clothed. 

“What, like fake moan into the wall?” 

“There are things you can do over the clothes,” he says matter-of-factly, pulling the sheet of his bedside down slightly. “And you just said you’re stressed. I’d be a bad fiancé to not let you relieve some of that tension.” 

Jungkook opens his arms and gestures for you to get on his lap. Your body is hot all over, and you can’t tell if it’s because you’re horrified or aroused. Maybe a little of both. 

“Are you kidding—you’re my boss!” 

“And we’re consenting adults!” he narrows his eyes at you, “don’t say you’ve never thought about it before.”

And the sick, twisted part of you has, a lot. There’s something about a man in a tailored suit and owning up to its power that’s really attractive. Not to mention all those times they’d be traveling for work, stumbling for a quick McDonald's bite at 12AM and he’d be dressed casually in tight black jeans and combat boots. The energy really kept you on your toes. 

“Wow, I really hate late-night talks. All the secrets come out, don’t they?” 

“If it makes you feel better, your ass looks great in pencil skirts,” you turn to him with flared eyes, “what? I’m just trying to let you know I mayhaps find you attractive.” 

“Mayhaps you should stop talking before I regret this.” 

His eyebrows lift and disappear from his bangs, the hair freshly dried and fluffy from his late night shower. He then pats his lap with a little blasé as if to say “hop on”, and you ignore the way how good the seat looks, his boxer briefs doing nothing to hide his unmentionables. 

Trying to fight alongside your last drop of dignity, you take your time. 

“C’mon y/n, don’t make it weird.” 

“It’s been weird, Jeon! Jimin’s next door!” you hiss, backing away slightly, “Give me some time, I can’t just hump my boss!” 

“You’re not humping your boss.” Jungkook has the audacity to grin, the expression looking absolutely sinful in the moonlight. “Think of it as your lover wanting to make you feel good.” 

The bridge between love and hatred is a fine, fine line stemmed by passion. 

Careful, you lift your blankets up and slip out of them, moving to sit up. It’s ridiculous, tiptoeing around your bed to avoid any sudden creaks in the aged wood of your mahogany headboard. 

“We’re out to prove to your family we fuck on the reg,” Jungkook snips, “you can make noise.” 

Within seconds, he’s hauling you on his lap. You squeak in surprise, feeling the thin material of his boxers seep through your thin silk shorts. You wriggle around, monitoring Jungkook’s expression. He does not allude too much, but you take note of the way Jungkook secures you with his hands between the swells of your thighs. 

“I’m not a rollercoaster, stop adjusting like you’re gonna buckle up.” 

Jungkook’s dry humor lightens the mood considerably, and you can’t help but smile timidly at his attempt to make you feel at ease. He lets you take your time, and you never imagined someone so demanding in the office can be so… kind in bed. 

You dip forward to kiss his lips once, twice. He looks needy, but lets you set the pace. You appreciate that. You’re salivating at his willingness to make you feel good, and you whimper as he nibbles on a sensitive spot on your neck. 

You need more. Sensing your urgency when you jerk his chin up, he muffles your sounds with a harsh kiss, taking care to moan deeply into your mouth. The heat is luxurious on this winter night, burgundy kisses exchanged between the sheets like secrets. His tongue slips between your teeth, tasting every inch of you and exploring you like the deepest texts. 

He pulls away slightly, and you’re drowning in his gaze. “Am I still just kinda-sorta handsome now?” he nips at your neck, sucking on a spot between your jaw. 

“N-no,” and you pull him up by the chin, taking in his messy hair and glazed eyes, “you’re fucking sexy,” and you tug your mouth to his once more. 

You don’t even realize that you’re rolling your hips until Jungkook breaks the kiss in favor of grabbing your hips, making sure your core is nestled perfectly between his hardening length. It doesn’t take long for the both of you to get wet, and the silk glides easily between your thighs like butter.

“That’s it, baby girl,” he encourages, one hand reaching up to cup your breast, “use me, make  yourself feel good.” 

“Please, don’t call me that,” you whine against his mouth, trying to keep the mood in, “Babe is fine, but baby girl makes me feel like a little kid and I’m not a little kid.”

“You damn right,” and he lifts his hips to meet yours in a sharp thrust, and you gasp hotly into his mouth. It’s too late to muffle your moans, not when you’re drenched with two pathetic pieces of fabric stopping the both of you. “You’re a gorgeous, intelligent, strong, amazing woman.” 

With every compliment, he does all the work, thrusting with each adjective like he’s blessing poetry into your body. 

“J-Jungkook,” the name is muffled against his shoulder, too fuzzed in ecstasy to be embarrassed by the drool coating his tank top. His hair tickles your shoulder as he nips at your clothed breasts, swirling around your nipple. “I-I, m’gonna come,” 

“You’re almost there huh?” and he slips a hand between you two to find that sweet spot, swirling designs between your shorts. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

And you’re shaking, collapsing into his embrace as he rides out your high. He cradles one hand in your hair as you rub furiously against his other, chasing your pleasure like a starved animal. 

“K-Kook,” you murmur into his neck, finding the strength to roll your hips one more time to check. “You’re still hard, do you want me to help?”

“No.” he’s forthright, and as tired as you are, you force yourself to pick your head up. Sweat lines his brow and his face is flushed, but he’s already helping you off and handing you a tissue from the nightstand. 

“What?” you’re hurt, and don’t want to admit why. 

“Don’t feel like you need to,” he grunts into your forehead, dipping a chaste kiss right in the center. “Just let me do something nice to you for once.” 

As much as you want to, you don’t complain as he tucks you in. You don’t complain when you see a wet stain on his Kirby boxer briefs. You don’t answer back when he checks his phone one more time and pulls you in to press a kiss to your cheek. It’s 12:31. 

“Merry Christmas,” he murmurs into your skin, and turns over so his back faces you. 

Christmas is a loud and eager affair. The entirety of your family piles into your house while still in pajamas, aunts and uncles from other villas running in with their children with their newly opened toys and gadgets. There’s a buffet style breakfast piled on the kitchen island, and you’re all eating in the living room while watching holiday movies. 

Jungkook melds right in, unsurprisingly. He has your baby cousin Dante in his lap, teaching him how to use the controls of his new Nintendo Switch. 

Despite only meeting Jungkook a few days ago, you notice that some of your family have taken the liberty of giving him small presents. You spot a simple silver chain around his wrist, courtesy of Jimin, and a fluffy grey scarf wrapped around his neck, courtesy of your aunt’s impeccable knitting club. 

“He fits right in, doesn’t he?” 

Yoongi hands you your usual cup of tea, and you accept it gratefully. You’re sitting right next to the tree, and you notice that some of the ornaments are miniature books. You absentmindedly run your fingers over the carved wood, especially on the ones that are your favorite titles. 

“Yeah,” you hate to admit, so you whisper it into your mug. But Yoongi can hear, he always does. “I didn’t think it would be this easy.” 

“Easy to love him, or easy to fit into this family?” 

You splutter into your mug, and Yoongi does the right thing by patting your back. It feels a little bit like he’s burping a baby, but otherwise, it soothes your lungs. 

“I am happy for you, you know.” he says, knocking knees with you. “It might not seem like it now, but I truly am.” 

Deciding not to dwell on his subversive confession, you thank him for the tea and excuse yourself. Dante seems like he’s got the hang of MarioKart, so you tug Jungkook by the hand and lead him back into your bedroom. 

“I got you a present, but I didn’t feel like making a scene about it,” you pull out a pink gift bag, tufts of white tissue paper sticking out. “Also, it’s kinda cheap and it was a last minute thing, so don’t have any high expectations.” 

“Gee, you’re really making me feel deserving of this gift,” but he takes his time in unraveling the bag anyway. 

He pulls out a shiny onyx black mug, rolling it between his hands. On one side it’s engraved in gold cursive “World’s Best Boss” but on the other side it’s engraved, “World’s Best Husband”. 

“Subtle,” he grins, pulling you into a hug. He gets that it’s a gag gift, but because it’s from you, it's a lot more meaningful. You could’ve easily delved into his bank accounts and see what he buys for himself, but you decided to take the more personal route. 

“Thanks,” he murmurs into your hair. And to really throw you off he says, “For my gift, I’ve decided to publish your novel.” 

You shove him away as if you’ve been stung, and you barely have the voice to ask, “Are you serious, you’ve read my novel? I didn’t even send you the first draft!” 

“We share the same Google Drive, it was easy to find. If you had noticed, it’s the only thing I’ve been reading this week,” he shrugs as if it’s nothing, but he’s in actuality giving you your lifelong dream. “You deserve it, really. I’m sorry if you felt like it wasn’t ready to be read. But it was wonderful, you’re a real wordsmith.” 

“I’m not upset,” you can’t be, not when he smells so good and he’s trying to hug you all over again. “How many copies?”

“10,000.”

“20,000.”

“15,000, and I’ll even give you permission to dedicate your novel to me.” he raises his brows irreverently. 

You scoff at his arrogance, but you don’t admit to confessing that along with professors and your family, you would be dedicating it to him. “Well my gift feels like absolute shit,” you deadpan, “can I have a do-over tomorrow? We can go to the mall or something.”

“You’ve done enough for me,” he disagrees, breaking away from you to place the mug on your desk. “Agreeing to my farfetched proposal, letting me into your home. I think that’s an amazing gift.” 

“You’ve been way too nice,” you look at him wearily, noting the rosiness in his cheeks. 

“You say that like it’s not possible!” 

“Who knows? Maybe the Christmas spirit has performed a miracle, who am I to judge?” and you can’t get enough of the man, running into his heart one more time. Pressing your ear to his chest you sing, “Well, in the Poconos they say, that Jeon Jungkook’s heart grew three sizes that day.” 

It may have not grown three sizes, but if the living room wasn’t so loud, maybe you could’ve heard his heart beating three times as fast. 

The calm after the storm is your favorite part of Christmas. Most of your extended family has left to mull in their own homes, leaving your family to laze around until it’s just you and Jungkook that are awake. 

Jim Carrey’s version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is playing on Netflix, arguably the only superior rendition of the children's book. The tree is still glowing by the fireplace, soft white lights trickling in the darkened room. 

Earlier in the night, you and Jungkook had cuddled up in the middle of the couch under a blanket, and were too lazy to move even when the entirety of your family vacated. Either of you could’ve easily shoved each other off and went to bed, but here you are, making offhand comments over hot cocoa. Each second that passes by, you’re more aware of how well you two sink between the fabric like you’re meant to do this. The domesticity terrifies you, but you don’t dare to point it out. 

“How does his face do that?” Jungkook turns to you, contorting his face into funny expressions. It’s a poor attempt at the green creature on the screen, but it makes your mouth twitch and you fight the urge to giggle. “It’s like he’s made of rubber.” 

“He has a sense of humor, unlike some people.” 

“Very funny,” he says, turning away to take a sip of his cooca. 

Sinking further into the couch, you unconsciously latch onto him more, savoring his body heat. “Can I confess something?”  

“What’s up?” 

“A week ago, I loathed you. I used to have recurring dreams about you getting run over by a Wonderbread truck. And I was driving the truck.” 

“Wow, that makes me feel so much better.” 

“No really, if I had the opportunity to watch you get hit by a cab, I would’ve paid for it.” 

“If it were possible for me to file for divorce at this very second, now would be time. You are a walking red flag.” 

“Okay, but!” you shush him with a finger to your lips, and he goes cross-eyed at the touch. “After seeing your stellar performance this week and an impeccable display of human emotion. I think after all of this, we could be friends.” 

“Fwends?” he says through your finger, mouth smushed. “Why whuh we?” 

Instead of lifting your finger right away, you swipe at his cherry lips, getting rid of the marshmallow sticking to the corners. 

“Because we get along.” you say simply.

“Because we’re supposed to be getting married.” 

“No! We’ve always gotten along! We’ve just been too up our asses to notice!” you sit up, appalled. “Here’s my theory, a change of setting has suddenly spurred on your character development—”

“—y’know I really don’t appreciate your use of literary jargon, it’s really pretentious—”

“—because without your external conflict, you have a chance to let loose and enjoy your life for once!” 

Jungkook frowns, adjusting his frame so he slightly hovers you. He’s pretty like this, dressed in fluffy black pajamas and his face soft. His eyes absorb the Christmas fairy lights, and you notice for the first time in two years that there are no longer purple bags under his eyes. 

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, voice so small you wonder if he’s worried to crush the moment. “Friends are hard.” 

You shake your head vehemently, “Friends are easy, keeping them is the hard part.”

He doesn’t know why he’s being so weird about this. You’ve worked for him for over two years, you know him as well as you know your skincare routine, down to the last detail. 

“Jeon, don’t think too hard about this,” you try to get him to lighten up, the intense look in his eyes throwing you in for a loop. It makes the little hamster wheel in your head spin rapidly, and you wonder if you’re really crossing a line. “Jimin said you had a really good time yesterday, I was almost jealous I couldn’t come shopping with you.” 

He cracks a smile at that, “Yeah, Jimin and I shared a moment,” and he leans down to the shell of your ear, “and he said he really enjoyed our moment last night.” 

“Oh my god!” you grab a nearby throw pillow, chucking the rough fabric in his face. 

He breaks into a laugh, but not the wine and dine chuckles that he’d have between terse negotiations for work. It’s a full out giggle, like he’s proud to have riled you up enough to break your resolve. Who knew your angry face could be so cute? 

“I guess if we’ve crossed a line, might as well make it all the way to the end,” Jungkook says easily, running a hand through his chocolate tresses. 

You and Jungkook are leaving the day after tomorrow. Most of your stuff is packed and ready to go, and you’re currently spending the rest of your night at a sit-down dinner with your immediate family plus Jimin. 

It’s peaceful, you muse. Jungkook even offered to help cook. Back at Big Hit not once did he ever bring leftovers from home, always insisting you order something for him during work. Kimchi fried rice is a simple dish, but Jungkook had taken great care in making sure it was cooked properly and adjusted to your family’s tastes. 

Your parents are glowing and enjoying their time with the whole family, a rarity that grows more valuable with age. The meal soothes you like a balm, reminding you of old conversations that had you spew milk out of your nose or Namjoon accidentally spilling beans on your lap. 

“Oh, you should also clear your schedule for the first week of September,” Jimin says absentmindedly, shoving another mouthful of fried rice. “Besides Easter, Jungkook says we can celebrate his birthday and visit for the weekend.” 

“Seriously,” Namjoon balks, sitting up straight as he regards you in disbelief. “You’re sure your Devil of a boss will enjoy you out of his chains for two vacations, god forbid you take the holidays off again.” 

The grip on your fork tightens, but you steel yourself. Honestly, you were wondering why it took Namjoon this long to let it all out. He was always vehemently against your job, as he was the person who got the brunt of your vents when you were stressed. Probably for the sake of Christmas he let it go, but now that it’s over, the topic’s fair game. 

“Oh, c’mon Joonie,” your mother frowns, “not at the table.” 

“He isn’t that bad, Joon.” you reason, completely ignoring Jungkook as you stare straight at your brother. “He means well—”

“Means well?” Namjoon barks a laugh, as if it’s the most laudable thing. “Sis, you cried everyday for a straight month after you were hired.” he places his hands on the table, regarding you carefully, “I had to personally call your doctor in New York to get you sleeping pills, and not to mention that two weeks ago, you were crying again because you were worried he forgot your vacation and would make you work! Don’t tell me he ‘means well’ when I’ve been busy picking up the pieces!” 

At this point, you’re livid. Jungkook’s right here, and while you can’t go ahead and out the fact that he is your boss, you can still have his back. 

They don’t know that you’ve picked the pieces back up, reinforced yourself to create a better version of the person you once were. 

“He does mean well,” you cry, matching your brother’s red tone to a T. “He’s just stressed and genuinely cares about the company. I choose to work long hours because he takes his time in making sure the work we publish is worthwhile, and I support that. He’s hard on me because he knows I have potential. He’s going to make sure I succeed.” 

Namjoon looks at you like you’ve grown two heads. “You’re seriously defending your shitty boss?” 

Jimin puts a hand over Namjoon’s in an attempt to placate him, but he shoves it away.

“Honestly,” Namjoon spits venom, “how can you possibly stand to be around someone who makes your life so miserable?” 

Your meal has gone cold, and your fists clutch desperately at your jeans. The breath is robbed from your lungs, and you can’t look at anyone for fear of them regarding you with guilt. You know since the day you got hired that your family wasn’t exactly enthused at your boss’ level of expectation and work output. But they don’t know the industry, and they don’t even really know Jungkook past the surface level. . 

But you know in their eyes, they’re right. Their daughter left their comfy home to pursue her lifelong dream, only for it to be broken in a matter of weeks. It’s natural to feel protective, and while you’re resilient and were able to get it together as of late, it wasn’t enough for them to understand. As someone who loves you, it’s obvious they’d want to blame your boss, blame Jungkook for your suffering. 

You imagine your father would ask Namjoon to step outside, or your parents would make Jimin pull you and Jungkook out. Neither of those things happen.

A warm, large hand is placed on top of yours. You look towards Jungkook, face unreadable as he squeezes your thigh. 

“Namjoon’s right.” Jungkook utters, pressing his lips together. “You deserve to be treated with respect. The boss has never appreciated the hard work you do, at least not out loud. You’re too good for him.”

“Jungkook,” you gape, putting your other hand over his. 

He pulls away at your touch, glancing at the clock. “This dinner was wonderful,” he says gently, looking apologetic to your parents. “Excuse me, but I promised to call my parents at this time.” 

The excuse is completely half-assed, but no one says anything as he leaves, walking out the door without a coat. The table is terse, with your parents attempting to coax out dessert while Jimin clears the dinner table. You refuse to look at Namjoon, who has no idea why you’re so upset. You wait five minutes before you mumble about getting Jungkook a jacket. 

However, when you open the door he isn’t sitting on the porch. He’s all the way up the street, too far for you to be heard with a yell, and walking farther into town. The black hoodie falls to your side, disappointed. 

Jungkook does in fact, call his parents. Your mother suggested it when she gave him the ring, thinking it would ease his homesickness if he made a better effort to communicate his feelings. 

And so he spends over an hour huddled in a cafe, talking about nothing and everything with his mom and dad. He tells them about the little novelties he’s experienced this week, like making popcorn strings and picking out themed Christmas ornaments. He tells him how he promises to book a flight back to Korea as soon as his work visa goes through. While he doesn’t mention the proposal, he mentions you. He prattles on and on about how strong and beautiful you are, and how you’ve crept up on him and made him realize how awful of a person he was. 

His mom prattles excitedly through the line, saying that women make you realize how much better you can be for them, but she doesn’t know the half of it. 

Jungkook sat there in your dining room, Namjoon boldly telling you off about how miserable he’s made you. 

And yet still, you defended him in ways he never imagined. Your relationship has always been mutual, and prickly at best. You balanced each other out, but he knows he doesn’t deserve you. When he first hired you, he rendered you indispensable like all the other assistants that couldn’t handle it. You’d break eventually. 

And you did break. But you picked up the pieces and put yourself back together, and you didn’t resent him for it. He hated that. How can you trust someone who’s hurt you so much? 

He can’t let you go through with this marriage. You’re wrong. You don’t need him to be successful. 

[11:09] You: mom unlocked the door for you. Jimin and i went out for drinks so idk when ill be back

[11:09] You: please don’t be mad at me

Silly girl, why would he ever be mad at you? 

His plan is simple, Sneak into your villa, grab his luggage, and try to book the earliest flight back to New York. Then, he can come clean to Taeyeon and spend the year in Korea while they work out his visa issues. He’ll quietly pack his things and clear out the office before Monday.  Hopefully by the time he makes it to Busan, he can forgive himself. He’s going to regret missing your expression when you get to hold the first physical copy of your novel. 

This plan proves difficult when he sees Namjoon waiting outside for him, sitting on his luggage and reading a book. His long legs are splayed across the porch, and he doesn’t spare Jungkook a glance.

“Knew something was off,” the older man doesn’t look up from his novel, “found the mug on her desk, bossman.” 

Muttering a curse under his breath Jungkook opens his arms, “Are you gonna beat me up now?” 

“What? No, I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Jungkook scoffs, and watches Namjoon roll his luggage to the back of the van. “And out of the kindness of my heart, I’ll save you the Lyft fare and drive you to the airport.” 

Is he that predictable? He flinches at the sudden jet of the ignition, and he takes heavy, snow-laden steps to the passenger seat. Once buckled in, Namjoon tosses the book in his lap. “Some light reading for the drive.” 

If Namjoon wasn’t the driver, he wouldn’t hesitate to chuck the book at his big, intelligent head. Instead, he glowers, clutching the book tightly. It’s only when they round the corner to a house brightly decorated with lights, does he see what novel Namjoon’s plucked. 

A Mutually-Assured Attachment. Jungkook tosses the book back and forth between his palms, noting the soft cover is so worn it could melt apart in his lap. It feels tended and loved from years of use. 

It’s Jungkook’s first novel, and you had a copy. One of the first editions, if he remembers the cover art correctly. Granted, he thought you had some of his books purely because of your job, but not one from your childhood. Frankly he thought this should have never been published, but he was nineteen and that in itself was a large feat. 

He carefully peels the pages, and takes out his phone to shine the flashlight mode. At the very front, blood red ink is scratched next to the title: “this is THE most pretentious title i’ve read in my life! Don’t disappoint me jeon!!” 

Your handwriting’s all over the place. He sees graphite, gel, and glitter pens mark the margins, as if you’ve come back each time to write something new. The annotations vary, from “this part sucks” to “shit, that’s good i should do that”. You draw little pictures of the objects he’s contrived, from the little brass locket one character cherishes to the facial expressions you imagine they hold. 

And at the very end, your handwriting sits neat and bold on the inside cover: I can do better than him. 

Jungkook chuckles to himself, turning off the light. You’re always right. 

Namjoon senses the younger one is done, and he clears his throat. “I really really don’t understand what she sees in you.” 

“I don’t understand either,” Jungkook agrees easily, his finger tracing your handwriting. He muses that you were always out to get him, even if you didn’t know it. 

Namjoon masks his surprise by clearing his throat. “But I’d rather seek to understand than live the rest of my life having my sister resent me. I don’t really know what you two are going through, but if she trusts you with her life, I’ll try. Emphasis on try.” 

“I don’t deserve your trust.” 

“You damn right you don’t,” succumbing to his impulses Namjoon makes a sharp turn, and Jungkook holds his stomach together before it flies out the window.  

You come home to find your room cold and barren. All of Jungkook’s things are gone, except your Christmas mug. 

You at least thought Jungkook would spare you a goodbye before he ditched you. You hoped you’d at least consider each other friends who provide explanations after all of this. 

Lifting the mug off the desk, you hear a little clink in the glass, the chime unfamiliar. Hurriedly, you pour out its contents. A heavy, tungsten black ring lands in your palm. You clench the metal between your fingers, hugging it to your chest. 

Mind made up, you dash out to the hallway, nearly bumping into your cousin. At the same time you and Jimin blurt, “We need to go to the airport.” 

Apparently Namjoon warned Jimin that something fishy’s going on. Namjoon didn’t know what, but he had the inkling that Jungkook was hiding something. Once Jimin received the text to meet them at the airport, he flung you in his sedan and floored it. Flushed with adrenaline, Jimin is speeding with a fervor you’ve never experienced. 

“Can you please, take the edge off and tell me what the hell is going on?” 

Just like how Jungkook didn’t want Big Hit to go down the drain, you didn’t want this week to be in vain. You can’t wait a year for Jungkook to come back, and you didn’t want to publish your first novel without him by your side. 

“Long version or short version?” 

“The in-the-middle version. I don’t think I have the brain capacity to absorb all your drama right now but I really need some answers.” 

“O-kay. Basically, Jungkook isn’t a Literary Agent. He’s my god-awful boss. Or was awful, I don’t know. Jungkook left the country before his work visa was fully processed. That’s a breach, so he needs to live in Korea for a year to come back. But he can’t run Big Hit remotely, so he proposed to marry me to attain citizenship.”

Your head whips to the dashboard and you cry out, barely stopping the impact with your hands.  

“Sorry, sorry!” Jimin’s eyes are focused on the red light, absolutely terrified. “Bitch, you’re committing fraud with your boss! You could go to jail, that’s like, the hottest love story ever!” 

“But he’s going back to Korea because now he suddenly realized he can forge basic human connection.” you mutter, “so no, we’re not going to jail because he’s decided to do the right thing.” 

“So what you’re saying is, Jungkook has achieved self-actualization and decided to peacefully move to Korea and sacrifice the company for you.” Jimin is carving his free hand in the air, gesturing wildly. “Don’t you see! He really likes you.”

“Yeah, so now we need to go to the airport and tell his dumbass this isn’t the time to be selfless.” 

Once you find a spot you’re rushing out of the car, weaving between carts and people to find the correct terminal. This airport is much smaller than JFK, so it’s easy for you to navigate and get past the TSA. It also helps that Jin’s wife is an attendant. 

“He chose the 1:45 flight in Terminal 31A,” Mijoo chirps from her tablet, leading you in the right direction. She’s dressed impeccably, the odds and ends of this airport glued together by her impeccable organization. She points to the clock, which glares a digital 1:18AM. “You have time.” 

“Thank you Mijoo,” you exhale gratefully, “and I’m so so sorry I skipped your wedding!” 

“This is the 300th time you’ve said it,” Mijoo rolls her eyes, pushing you and Jimin forward, “But I’ll make sure not to miss your wedding.” 

You’re sweating from your down jacket, and you can’t believe it’s really all come down to this. The one person you’ve spent the last two years of your life doting on, and you didn’t want to stop. You wanted him not just for the publication of your novel, but because you needed him. 

Jungkook’s sitting in the waiting area of Terminal 31A, looking wholly inconspicuous as he reads a book and has his hood propped up. 

Fists balled, you stride forward only to have Jimin tug you back. “What?” 

Jimin pulls off your thick coat, making haste to wipe the sweat off your brow with his sleeves and flatten your messy hair. “What?” he tilts his head to the side, “you need to look good before the big confrontation. I’m recording this for archival purposes. Do you have any lip balm by any chance? You look chapped.” 

You slap his hands away, but those grubby fingers just come back with a vengeance. “My life is just a big show to you, isn’t it?”

“Living vicariously all day, every day.” 

While Jimin parts your bangs, the intercom cuts through the air. 

“The 1:45 flight to John F. Kennedy International airport will now commence boarding. Please line up according to the ticket class.” 

Jimin smiles at you, squeezing your shoulders and gestures for you to go. To your horror, Jungkook is first in line. Panic bubbles to your throat.

“Jeon Jungkook!” you cry, voice echoing throughout the terminal. “If you so much breathe in the direction of that plane I will call Mark Lee right this second and tell him the book series is off!” 

Like a deer in the headlights, Jungkook heeds to your voice immediately. In his stupor you jog forward to snatch his wrist and pull him out of line. You don’t let go until you’re away from the long line, and Jungkook tugs his wrist away. 

“Don’t you dare call him,” Jungkook looks serious, as if you didn’t drive all the way to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. “I will never forgive you if you terminate Mark Lee’s contract.” 

“And I won’t forgive you if you get on that plane.” 

Pain flashes in his eyes, and he shakes his head. “I need to. I can’t let us—let you go through with this. You and your family deserve better.” 

“What? Jungkook, I agreed to this just as much as you did.” 

“No, you didn’t.” he’s adamant, and steps back with every step you take forward. “As your boss I threatened you, held it over your head like an ultimatum. I’ve hurt you,” his voice cracks, looking at you desperately, “why would you want to be stuck with me when I’ve made your life miserable?” 

“If I really wanted to leave, I would’ve done it a long time ago.” You reason, “Do you really want to leave the company behind? To fucking Karen?” 

“Of course I don’t!” Jungkook exclaims, “but it isn’t worth hurting you, hurting your family and everyone that loves you.” 

“And what about you? You’ll be hurt when you leave,” and you step forward, so close that your chests are touching. You take hold of his hands, clutching them between your small ones. “Don’t go, stay with me in New York. We’ll both work hard and try to not run each other to the ground. Let’s be better together.” 

You’re practically begging, biting your lip raw and hoping Jungkook understands how good this change is for the both of you. 

Jungkook is conflicted, looking back and forth between the airline boarding for JFK and your watery eyes. He hates seeing you like this. He can’t imagine you, the strongest woman he’s ever met, crying because of him. Namjoon’s voice echoes in his mind and he tries to smash it to the edge of his memory. But as always, you’re right. 

He replaces your grip with his own, and gets down on one knee. 

Jungkook says your name like it's the sweetest of songs. You’ve never seen him so terrified. “y/n, I didn’t do it right the first time, so let me try again. Please, marry me. Marry me because I want to date you. I want to take you out and give you what you deserve, what we deserve. I want to do better for myself, do better for you. I’ve realized you’re the only person that makes me feel like I’m simultaneously on fire and on thin ice,” he pulls out a velvet box from his pocket, revealing a thin band with interlocking black and clear diamond studs. It’s a pretty little thing, with a groove in the center so it stacks perfectly with your engagement ring. “This was supposed to be your Christmas present, but I chickened out at the last second,” he says sheepishly, tucking his head in. “But if you let me put this ring on your finger, I promise to be your home away from home.”  

With a sob you fall to your knees, throwing yourself onto Jungkook. A small “oof” escapes his lips, and he struggles to hold your waist so you both don’t topple over. “Yes, yes, yes!” you cry, pulling away to cup his face with both hands, pulling him into a sweet kiss. 

Jungkook’s smile takes up his entire face, and he eagerly pecks your lips one more time before ripping the ring from its holder and stacking it on top of your engagement ring. The teardrop diamond is nestled perfectly between the thinner band’s V. “Pretty,” he says, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“Wait,” you pull out the black ring that you found in your room, holding it to his face. “I’m assuming this is yours?” 

“Yeah,” he replies, “your mother said it was your great grandfather’s. It’s not an engagement ring, but it’s the thought that counts.” 

“It matches,” you hum, placing his simpler band in his ring finger. Once it’s on, you take a deep breath. “Shit, we’re really doing this?” 

Jungkook pulls you to stand, wiping the happy tears from your cheek. “We are, we’re a team, remember? We’ve crossed the line and we gotta finish it.” 

And he picks you up, the workouts definitely paying off as he spins you around like you’re the leads in La-La Land, drunk off the happy chemicals firing in your brain. Jimin whoops and hollers, along with all the other patrons in the vicinity of the airport terminal. 

Your real-fiancé puts you down, the both of you now hyperconscious of the stares people give you. Other people have filmed the proposal as well, completely smitten by your confessions. 

“Jungkook,” you giggle into his shoulder, “you were right. Our story is straight out of a Wattpad entry.” 

“Down to the super cheesy in-public airport proposal?” he chimes, pressing his forehead to yours. “Couldn’t have asked for a better love story.” 

“I can’t wait to fall in love with you,” you whisper, quiet enough for his ears only, “for real, this time.” 

“Not that it’s a challenge,” he teases softly, “but I’m already halfway there.” 

some months later.

“Like the new office, boss lady?” your new assistant (yes, you have an assistant!) asks kindly, his bubbly presence uplifting you immediately. He leads you to the window box, filled with tiny plants. “I figured you like succulents, because you have no time to water them and they’re prickly like you.” 

“Very funny, Seungkwan.” you chide good-naturedly, picking up a succulent with a yellow flower in the middle. “But thank you, your interior design skills are outmatched. I can’t wait to work with you.” 

“Me too, your social commentary you published on the literary industry? And you managed to lace it all up in an inconspicuous fantasy novel?” Seungkwan boasts, “I applied for this position right then and there.” 

“Thanks Seungkwan, why don’t you take your lunch and we’ll meet back at one to discuss our plans for next week.” 

“Sounds good, do you want me to pick you up something?” 

“I’m good, I’m meeting with the bossman.” 

Seungkwan gives you that look, his lips jutting out in a suggestive manner that almost makes you burst into giggles. Your assistant decides not to bother you until after you’ve eaten, and bids you goodbye. 

Just when you get a moment of peace, a handsome face pokes his way inside. “Hello editor,” Jungkook knocks on your door for the sake of attention, but you’re already dragging him into the office and shutting the door tight. “Like your new office?” 

“Love it,” you moan, gesturing to Seungkwan’s light filtering curtains. They’re not dark, rather a tasteful sea green, but they’re opaque enough to stop wandering eyes from peeking into your space. Your personal space was a qualm that immediately needed to be mended after your experience in Jungkook’s office. “A lot more private than your office.” 

“A little part of me hates how much you deserve this promotion,” he sits on your desk, and doesn’t hesitate to pull you between his legs, letting you lean into his chest, “but I do love the added privacy.” 

You fiddle with the buttons of his navy collar, his strong thighs trap you between him, “Why, miss me already?” 

He shrugs, “Taehyung doesn’t look as good as you do in a pencil skirt.” 

You laugh, brushing the strands of hair that fall from his coiff. “No one looks as good as I do in a pencil skirt.” A firm grip confirms that, two strong hands cupping your backside. “Mr. Jeon!” you gasp playfully, pushing him away slightly to pinch his cheeky grin. “Can we save this for later? I’m hungry, but we can always continue this for dessert.” 

He groans in your neck, “Love the sound of that, Mrs. Jeon.” 

bonus.

“FUUUCCCKKKKKK YEEAAHHHHH!” Park Jimin’s voice bounces off the walls of Taeyeon’s office, his face taking up the entire screen of his desktop as the camera shifts harshly between him and you and Jungkook at the airport. “My cousin’s not going to jail! WOO!” 

Taeyeon pauses the YouTube video at a particularly unflattering screencap: Jimin’s nostrils are flaring wildly and he looks fairly high mid-scream. 

A low whistle escapes Jungkook’s lips, “Wow. That video’s viral,” he looks to you appreciatively, “if Jimin kicks off his YouTube career, you think we can milk a memoir outta him?” 

“Potentially,” you reply nonchalantly, playing with your rings. 

“So,” Taeyeon’s voice is icy, slashing between your casual conversation, “you’re getting married, for real this time?” 

“Yep,” Jungkook pops. 

“Alright,” and from her desk she pulls out an ungodly stack of documents, one that mirrors your own back at the office. “Jungkook, you’ll stay with me. y/n, you’ll go to Vernon’s office and he’ll give you the same spiel. We’ll interview you privately with the same questions. A hair out of place and you’re in trouble. You sure you want to go through with this?” 

You and Jungkook exchange looks, betting your own company that you got this in the bag. 

“Hit us with your best shot.” 

[wizkiddx]

...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

************************

Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

[ephyla]

Midsummer Relaxation

Midsummer was approaching and the people of New Berk have been scrambling all over, preparing for the celebration. The sun barely sets anymore, and everyone was absolutely exhausted. Hiccup was supposed to overview the entire preparation of the feast but all he desired was a break. Thank the Gods for marrying such a wonderful woman.

oOo

Midsummer was approaching and the people of New Berk have been scrambling all over the village for days, preparing for the celebration. The sun barely set anymore, and everyone was absolutely exhausted, prone to often make mistakes that drove the Chief of New Berk wild. Hiccup was supposed to overview the entire preparation of the feast, but also had to settle petty quarrels between sleep-deprived Vikings; avoiding sharp flying objects on the occasion. It was the perfect recipe for chaos and he was worried that they will not be ready on time. If one thing went according to plan, three more things would set them back again. Food went missing, tables were broken, celebrative outfits were set on fire. All he wanted to do relax, he felt like he’s been awake for seven days straight and his mind isn’t cooperating anymore, just begging to shut down for a whole month. By now, he was just acting like a wandering draugr. He really wondered how his father managed to handle this without breaking a sweat and dearly wished he was by his side, guiding him. 

His wife was by his side the entire time, shouldering half of the responsibilities. Even she, despite being quite tired as well (he swore he saw her take a power nap on top of a ladder last time), handled it better than himself. She seemed to be fuelled by a spark of positive energy. He remembered a few years back when the twins explained the change in their friends’ attitude towards the Midnight Sun, since then, Astrid found a dark place to sleep so she doesn’t get any more of those embarrassing memories again. What kind of Hofferson would ever call a Jorgenson handsome? Of course, the sun still had its effects on her, but her overzealous demeanour toned down to a bearable extent. While it did seem a bit overwhelming sometimes, it kept Hiccup’s spirits up. It was their first Midsummer as a wedded couple and he really didn’t want to mess this up. 

Today, however, she had suddenly requested to immediately go home after being done with only half of her duties done. For someone who prides herself on being so effective and getting the work done, it was very unusual of her to abandon her responsibilities. This worried Hiccup, so he didn’t object and watched her dash towards their house. He didn’t know how much time passed, the sun remained in its usual elevated position, but he felt like tonight will be a four blocks of ice kind of night. He felt like there was absolutely no progress made today despite getting up in the early hours. He couldn’t even track the time since the sun was barely moving. Some muttonhead decided it was a smart idea to open Sven’s sheeps’ pen and let the uncoordinated Vikings chase them like toddlers who could barely walk yet. If he could get his hands on that person, he swore he was going to get an earful that even his late father, Stoick, would be impressed by. He hoped that Astrid got enough rest so she can go back to being her feisty, short-tempered self. He would greatly benefit from that. The Berkians, despite being completely out of control, would never cross with a hot-blooded, axe-wielding Valkyrie and would sober up at the speed of light. 

Speaking of his beloved blonde wife, he saw her approach him with a smile on her face. Even though he was absolutely exhausted, he smiled back, her presence bringing him a sense of comfort. He extended his hand to her and she took it, bringing her closer to him, enlacing her waist, and pressing small kisses on her neck. She giggled in a very un-Astridlike way. 

“Well, I’m not one to object to this kind of greeting, but we’re in the middle of town and people are looking.” Astrid said as she observed around her. Gobber was covering a kid’s eyes. Some villagers had a dumbfounded expression on their faces, rarely seeing Hiccup initiating such an intimate gesture; apart from the occasional lip or forehead kiss. Others just cheered or ignored them. Hiccup let out a small whine and rested his head on her shoulder, keeping his arms wrapped around her form. 

“I missed you.” He whimpered.

“I wasn’t gone for that long, babe.” She replied as she stroked his hair. Her poor husband has the bad habit of overworking himself, and the fact that no one can distinguish between day and night definitely didn’t help. “Come home with me, I have something to show you.” 

“I’m sorry Milady, I still have work to do, we’re behind schedule and Midsummer is in a week.” His reply a bit muffled in her shoulder.

“Go and have yer fun, lad. You’ve worked more than anyone here and deserve some respite. And besides, how can ye refuse yer wife’s invitation?” The young couple turned their heads to look at Gobber approaching them.  “Ah, I remember when Stoick was acting just like ye, never knowing when to stop. It took Valka threatening not to share their marital bed anymore, snapped ‘im right out of it, and practically dragged ‘im home. The next morning they kept yawning all over the place, creating a chain of never-ending yawns. Now that I think about it, that’s probably how ye were concei-“

“-OKAY! That’s enough Gobber. I got your point.” Hiccup exclaimed in horror. While he was used to hanging around people that did not have a filter, Gobber was probably the one he feared the most. Since his best friend’s demise, the blacksmith has been recounting stories of him. Some were great to listen to, remembering the bravery and leadership of Stoick the Vast; but some were just better to keep to oneself. With the approach of the Midnight Sun’s peak, Gobber has gotten worse and Hiccup would’ve much preferred wearing the earbuds he made once during his encounter with the Death Song, just to save himself of the embarrassing images his mentor so crassly described to him. 

Astrid looked at Gobber with a mixture of disgust and amusement, before deciding to grab her stunned husband’s arm and pulling him towards their house, away from the growing crowd of curious Vikings. She hoped her parents didn’t witness this whole ordeal. 

“Astrid, I don’t think I have the energy to do what Gobber obnoxiously suggested, maybe-“ Hiccup said as he was being pulled by his wife.

“-Hush you. That’s not what I had in mind when I came to get you.” She cut him off, continuing to pull him towards their house. She let go of his arm once they crossed their threshold’s doorframe and closed the door, locked it just in case those nosy Vikings decided to rudely barge in. 

After being exposed to the sunlight for so long, Hiccup’s eyes had to adjust to the darkness of the room, illuminated by a couple of candles. He could smell a pleasant fragrant scent in the room and spotted their bathtub in front of the lit fireplace; the rugs been removed. Astrid led him to the bathtub and sat him down on the chair that was deliberately placed right next to it. She saw his questioning gaze.

“Gobber was right about you working harder than anyone here in this village. You deserve to relax a bit, take some time off.”

“You know I can’t afford to relax, now. Not when Midsommer is so close. Those sleep-deprived Vikings aren’t going to lead themselves, they can barely listen to me when I’m there. I’ll rest once we’re done.” He said, preparing to stand up again. Astrid pushed him down.

“I’ve asked your mom to take your place for a bit. She’s surprisingly unaffected by the sun’s constant presence. And she agreed that you needed a day off. Everyone could see how tired you are.” Astrid started unbuttoning his (GUARD STUFF). “And I want to take care of my husband. Will you let me?” Hiccup gulped, his words not coming out. He simply nodded. It’s been a while since she saw him being bashful around her. She gratefully smiled at him and pecked him on the lips. 

She proceeded to fully undress him, and took off his prosthetic, placing it within reach of the chair. Gone were the days Hiccup felt ashamed of showing his scar. Astrid made sure to show him how much he meant to her, leg or no leg. When he was coming home after a rough day of chiefing, she would give him his ice blocks and tell him to take care of his migraines while she took care of his leg, massaging it. She would sometimes bring it to her lips and kiss it, showing her appreciation to him. He would always beam at her every time she did this. She frowned when she saw the current redness of his stump, also spotting a blister forming. 

“Let me help you get in the tub. Just relax. I’ll massage your leg when I come back, I’m going to get some food from the Great Hall.” She said as she rose from her kneeling position. Her cooking did improve over time thanks to Hiccup and Gobber, but she wanted his day off to be perfect, which wasn’t the case for her cooking yet. She tried to make a nice intricate meal for the two of them, which is why she left so early. However, her attempts were all in vain as the food always ended up burning. In the end, she had to admit defeat. 

Hiccup grabbed her wrist. “Join me?” 

Astrid contemplated his words for a few seconds before nodding. She can grab dinner later. She wrapped her husband’s arm around her shoulder and helped him get into the tub. The water wasn’t too warm since they were in the hottest month of Berk, but it wasn’t cold to the point he would start shivering after being submerged for a couple of minutes. 

Hiccup looked over at his wife undress. He had seen her in this state countless times, even before they were married; but it always felt like the first time. He was the only Viking that she allowed to see her like this, with her guard down. Her body wasn’t unscathed. It was filled with scars and burns, proving that this woman was a warrior that has been through so many battles and came out victorious every time. She wouldn’t hesitate to swing an axe to a skull if someone ever looked at her funny. So, this woman allowing him to witness her in her most vulnerable state was an absolute honour to him, that he would never take for granted. Her scars were a part of her and accentuated her beauty and he made sure to always remind her of it. 

“Allow me.” He said as he extended a hand towards her. She knew what he wanted and turned her back to him. He rose, sat on the edge of the tub and pulled the leather band that kept her braid in place off. He slowly undid his wife’s braid, letting her gold strands cascade down to her lower back. He then gathered her hair in his hand and swept it over her shoulder, exposing her freckled neck and scarred back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a loving kiss on the largest scar she had. A scar trailed from her right shoulder to the left side of her hip. She was proud of that scar as it was a reminder of her saving his life from an assassination attempt. During the yearly Thing meeting between multiple tribes, when the dragons and some Viking tribes were still cohabiting together, a spy has been placed within them, trying to poison the Dragon-loving Chiefs. Astrid and Heather caught on pretty quickly and managed to expose the spy in front of all the Chiefs. Being surrounded, no one expected the spy to suddenly lunge himself at Hiccup with his sword. Astrid, being the closest to him and desperate to keep him unharmed, had used her back as a shield. The wound hurt like Hel but it was worth it. She was so scared to have failed him as his then-General, she didn’t care that she put her life on the line to save his. A Chief protects his own, but it’s also the General’s job to protect the people AND the Chief. Hiccup wouldn’t let her leave his sight for weeks after that, eternally grateful and forever scared he was going to lose her that day.

“You’re absolutely beautiful.” He told her. His eyes were filled with wonder to this Valkyrie in front of him. She smiled gratefully at him and climbed in the bathtub, sitting opposite of him. 

She took his stump in her hands and started to delicately massage it, coaxing a few moans of relief out of him. Her nimble fingers were definitely a gift from the Gods. She managed to soothe the knots in his leg with great accuracy. All day, he had to focus on the utter chaos happening in the village that he didn’t have the time to focus on himself and his discomfort, ignoring the pains coming from his leg begging him to take the weight off of it. She carefully avoided the small blister forming near the bottom of the stump. 

“Mmmh, this feels so good.” Hiccup sighed with pleasure as he closed his eye, focussing on the sensation.

“You’ve been standing for too long, babe. I know the Midsummer celebration is stressing you out, but you’ve got to start listening to your body when it tells you to rest.” He opened his eyes, looking at her hands doing their wonders underwater. 

“I know, I know. But it’s a bit hard to do that when we keep progressing backward each day. I swear to Odin, every time I look away, someone messes up something, I just can’t do it.” Astrid’s hand rose to swipe Hiccup’s bangs back, revealing his beautiful green eyes. Since the start of the preparations a few weeks ago, he didn’t have the time to let her cut his hair.

“You can’t do it on your own. Remember, you have me. You have your mom, Gobber, Eret and the gang. We’re all here to help you. You just have to accept the help instead of shouldering most of the responsibilities. We’re willing to take some of the load off you.” She said as she grazed her thumb over his dark eye bags. “I can assure you that not only the work will get done much faster, but you’ll be more productive with a rested body and a peaceful mind.” She kissed his forehead. Hiccup wrapped his arms around her, making her sit in his lap. He savoured the rare peaceful moment he had with his beloved wife. She had the gift of shutting all the voices tormenting his mind and the gentle touch to relax his body in the blink of an eye. She was everything to him. He could be the best version of himself when she’s with him and never took her for granted; not since the betrothal gift incident.

“Just don’t forget you’re still human, there’s so much your body can handle before it shuts down.” She added. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I might have been pushing myself pretty hard.” Hiccup replied, raising his head to look at her. There was a warmness to her that he never thought she would ever have; especially directed towards him. He remembered her words of encouragement back on the clifftops, as he was losing hope. I am the person I am today because of you. Over the years, he saw how she started to warm up to him and the rest of the people. She had been trained for years to be this fearless, unemotional warrior. Back then, the fear of losing the people you love was at its peak, so she was quick to learn how to shut her feelings down and just train from dawn till dusk. Today, she was a softer and warmer person; which didn’t mean she was weaker by any means. But with the end of the Dragon War, she has found herself a partner that saw her as an equal. They both found themselves a new purpose in life and didn’t have to fear the threat of a dragon raid any longer, which allowed them to find happiness along the way. They were happy here.

Astrid got off his lap and reached for the soap that was earlier placed at a reachable distance. She looked back at him. “Soak.” And so, he plunged his head underwater before coming back up with his bangs fully covering his eyes. She stifled a laugh as did he. “I haven’t planned to cut your hair today, so I’ll do that next laugardagr, you think you can survive until then?” She started washing his hair with the soap in her hands.

“You made a whole schedule just to help me relax? A schedule? Did I mistakenly marry Fishlegs?” This earned him a pinch on his nipple. “OW! You know they’re sensitive. I did not deserve that!” She laughed as she brought her hands back to massage his scalp. The nipple pinching forgotten, his eyes rolled back into his skull, fully appreciating the head massage. “Ooh yeah, that feels nice.” Astrid brought his bangs back down to cover his eyes and gathered the excess foam and piled it upon his head in the form two horns. She exploded in laughter at the ridiculous sight.  “Wha- Astriiid!“

“You look like Snotlout’s pet yak! Oh Gods- I can’t!” She wheezed. 

Hiccup was not impressed and got rid of the foam and swiped his bangs back, exposing his frown. His small smile betrayed him though. It was rare to see Astrid lose composure and in a burst of full-blown laughter. It made him break his frown and laugh with her. 

“You, young lady, are in reeeally big trouble. Do you have any idea who I am?” 

“Yakkity’s long lost brother?” She joked.

“Okay, that’s it, come here you!” He grabbed her by the waist and started poking her sides, knowing very well she was ticklish there. “I shall not tolerate this type of disrespect on my island.”

She tried to grab his arm, but this time he was prepared and pinned her arms by wrapping an arm around her and continuing tormenting her with the other. How she wished they were fifteen years old again. “N-No- St-Stop!” 

“Then say, ‘My husband is the strongest and most handsome Viking in all of Midgard’. Say it.” 

“Hahaha, N-not on yo-your life!” Having minimal movement of her arms, Astrid tried to reach downwards instead of fighting the death grip he had around her. She pinched the inside of his thigh, so very close to his precious jewels, making him jump. “Astrid! No!” He stopped tickling her but kept his arm around her. 

“I will pinch higher if you don’t let me go, babe.” She tried to catch her breath from all the tickling.

“You’re awful, absolutely awful.” He whined as he let her go. 

“You’re lucky this is your relaxation time.” She said, a small glint in her eyes. 

“Oh yeah, what kind of torment would you inflict on your poor one-legged husband?” He challenged.

“Something that would require you to use your cane for the next day or so.” She fired back; a small, dangerous smile etched on her face. Hiccup’s eyes widened and he gulped. “But we’re both tired and I did promise to take care of my sweet husband, haven’t I? So, behave.” She flicked his exposed forehead. 

“Ow. How did I get myself into this mess?” He rubbed the sore spot.

“You kidnapped me and threw me on top of a tree.” She replied with a straight face.

“Fair enough.”

“Okay, you’ve had soap in your hair for long enough, rinse.” She ordered. He dived in again, washing off the soap.  

“Can I wash your hair?” He asked.

“But it’s your time off.” 

“Yeah, but it’s yours too. You worked just as hard. You deserve to be taken care of too.” He replied.

“You worked harder.” He rolled his eyes.

“Astrid, this isn’t a competition. I want to take care of my wife. Will you let me?” He grabbed her hand and slowly spun her around in the narrow tub and made her sit between his legs. 

“You’re always looking for an excuse to touch my hair.” She jokingly said. There was an element of truth though. He loved touching her hair, combing his fingers through her long strands. Since they have gotten married, he insisted on combing and braiding her hair in the morning. There was just something intimate and therapeutic about touching her hair. She was protective over it, never letting anyone but him touch it. The first time she let down her hair for him was during the incident that left her temporarily blind. She was not able to see how much soot covered her precious hair, so she entrusted it in his care. He remembers his heart beating so fast that he thought it was going to burst from his chest. He felt honoured, and has been craving to touch her beautiful golden locks ever since. 

Astrid on the other hand, hated when people touched her hair. It was her pride and joy (after Stormfly and her axe). As a child, every time her mom would braid her hair, she would always pull too hard, leaving her sore. The twins were more chaotic when they were kids. They would get away with anything because kids will be kids. As a prank, they decided it would be funny to set her hair on fire, forcing her to cut it above her shoulders. That day, she saw red and very nearly beat them to death. They were all severely punished for it, but no one has ever attempted to touch her hair ever again. He remembered that day very well, it was probably the first time he saw her cry. That’s when he learned how attached she was to her hair. The way she preened on it every night since they became a couple on the Edge reminded him so much of Stormfly. Her dragon always made sure there was not a single hair out of place after a flight. It amused him how she trusted a dragon more than Vikings to manage her hair. Stormfly had the gentle touch that Astrid craved someone to have. She always wanted her rider to look the best. 

“Well?” Astrid asked as she looked back. Hiccup’s thoughts were cut off. 

“Oh...Uh yeah, my bad.” He started to massage her scalp as she did him. 

“Okay, I’m done. You can rinse.” He said after working on her hair for the past couple of minutes.

She dipped her head underwater and got rid of the soap before emerging again. 

“Thanks.” She turned her head and smiled at him. 

“I should be thanking you; this whole ‘bath’ idea was yours. It felt nice.” He kissed her exposed shoulder as he embraced her.

“Well, don’t thank me yet. We’re not done.” She patted his hand.

“Not done?”

“What, did you really think that was it? Come on, let’s get out before our skin shrivels up like a prune.” She got out of his arms, turned around, and grabbed him. She helped him up and guided him to the chair, passed him a towel, and proceeded to dry themselves before taking his prosthetic and putting it back on his stump. She started to put her clothes on, so Hiccup followed suit until she stopped him.

“Nuh-uh, just wear a towel, I highly doubt you want your clothes to be stained with oil.”

“What?”

“A massage, Hiccup. I’m going to give you a massage. Gods, even a blind man would know how tense you are just by standing near you.” She answered.

“Why are you getting dressed then? Don’t I get to give you one?” 

“Next laugardagr, after I trim that overgrown mop of hair of yours. Gods have mercy on my shears.” 

“S-Shears?! And by the way, my hair isn’t that bad!” Hiccup dramatically exclaimed. Astrid rolled her eyes. “I’ve never seen a man with that much hair on their head, I swear if we shave everything off, we’ll have enough to make a scarf. No need for sheep anymore.” 

“First, I’m a yak, now I’m a sheep? Is that how you see me, Astrid? Nothing more than livestock? How you wound me.” He brought a hand up to his heart. Astrid let out a cackle.

“You are such a drama queen. Come on, get up your highness, there’s fresh meat to be tenderized before I chop it off and feed it to the village.” She helped him up and headed towards their bedroom.

“Please Astrid, can you be any more creepy?” It was his turn to roll his eyes. 

They finally reached their room. The shutters were sealed shut, preventing most of the light to penetrate the room. Candles were illuminated, giving off the same soothing atmosphere as downstairs, cutting them off from the agitated outside world. The bed was covered by a large towel, probably to avoid the oil soak into their sheets. Astrid made her husband lie down on his stomach, removed his prosthetic again, and sat on his butt. She started tracing his back muscles with feathery fingers which made him shivers. While Hiccup was still a lean man, he definitely wasn’t the same fifteen-year-old, shy boy that she found herself falling in love with. He quickly gained muscle mass thanks to dragon-riding and her extensive sword fighting lessons. Just like all the other riders, he started to lose some after the dragons’ departure a year ago. He remained, in her eyes, the most beautiful man ever.

 She caressed his back and leaned forward, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades, making him sigh lovingly. He was clearly enjoying her pampering and she wasn’t about to stop any time soon. She reached for the small vial that was ready to be used from their bedside table and poured the contents in her hands and rubbed them together to heat it up a bit. Astrid proceeded to rub his shoulders first, trying to undo that visible tension. She added her bodyweight as she tried to loosen those knots that caused his painful backaches. 

“Mmh, yeah that’s the spot.” Hiccup moaned as she rubbed a specific sore area.  She continued her ministrations for a bit and slowly moved onto his lower once she was satisfied with how loose and relaxed his shoulders became. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked while kneading his legs.

“Like a newborn yak.” He replied, his voice muffled by the pillows. She sniggered, happy that he’s enjoying this so much.

Hiccup can’t remember the last time he felt this relaxed. He truly thought he was going to melt into a puddle under her magic hands. He knew he didn’t know when to stop working. His muscles could be aching and his bones could be breaking, but he never stops until someone does or until he collapses. He had big shoes to fill and couldn’t bear to let his village down. Not when his father did a tremendous job at leading. Once Stoick finally admitted to his blindness, he saw so much growth and potential in his son, and Hiccup did his best to uphold what his father saw in him. While Stoick had to lead alone for years, Hiccup couldn’t be any more grateful to have an amazing partner by his side, supporting him. He knew he wouldn’t remain sane had he lost her like his father lost his wife. He was no idiot. He saw how he struggled when his soulmate was believed to be dead and couldn’t possibly see a future without Astrid. She was everything to him and more. The entire village knew that.  They weren’t being led by the Chief and the Chief’s wife. They were Chief and Chieftess. Equals. One couldn’t function without the other. Some would say that they’re too dependent on each other and would lead the tribe to their downfall. But the Berkians knew better. Together, they were stronger than anyone.

“Turn around.” She ordered. And he complied. She sat back on his lap and leaned down to kiss him. He quickly wrapped his arm around her and savoured their kiss. They should do this more often. He missed having some quality time with just her. 

Just as his hands started traveling a bit lower, a large grumbling sound resonated across the room. They separated and looked at each other. The couple started laughing. 

“Well, someone is hungry. When was the last time you ate?” Astrid asked.

“Honestly, I can’t remember.” He sheepishly replied. She sighed. “Go sit in front of the hearth and let your hair dry. I’ll go grab some food from the Great Hall, I’ll be back soon.” She passed him his prosthetic and headed downstairs, leaving their household on the quest for food.

He doesn’t know how long he had been staring at the flames when she came back, a basket in hand. She approached him and sat on the floor beside him, handing him the food. 

“Thank you, Milady.” He smiled at her.

“Sorry about not having any meals prepared at home.” She timidly said, looking down at her bowl of stew. “I tried to cook something from my mom’s recipes but my cooking skills are still pretty subpar. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn’t perfect.”

He recognized those words. It just wasn’t perfect. That’s why it took them so long to become a couple, to begin with. He knew he was romantic when it comes to being in a relationship. Even before he set his eyes on anyone, he already thought of perfect scenarios with his soulmate. All the gestures and gifts; anything to quench this loneliness he felt as a young boy. He wanted his partner to feel loved. That’s why the medallion incident hit him hard. Since when did he start neglecting Astrid, causing her to feel that exact same loneliness he once felt? He never thought she was a romantic, being a hardcore shieldmaiden most of her life. But he learned that she also longed for love, she was just better at hiding it. At that time, he was still self-conscious. He has never heard her telling him that she loved him, but hearing her share her insecurities, he realized that she has. So many times, through a variation of loving gestures that she reserved for him and only him. He felt guilty for being so blind, which is why he made up for it. She deserved the best. She deserved perfect.

“Hey.” He scooted closer to her, their shoulders bumping. “This seems pretty perfect to me.” She looked at him with wide eyes. “You have no idea how eternally grateful I am to have you. This whole thing you’ve prepared for me is just perfect. I love it. I love you. So much. Whether you managed to cook an intricate meal or just brought food back from the Great Hall wouldn’t have changed anything. You did this for me, and it made me so happy. And I get to spend some time with you. I couldn’t ask for more, Astrid. Thank you.”  He tenderly kissed her lips. 

“I’m glad.” She paused. “And relieved.” She confessed, a smile on her lips.

They happily ate in silence, occasionally striking a conversation or just randomly stole a kiss from each other; just enjoying each other’s presence. 

Their empty bowls were cast aside as they cuddled in front of the fire; savouring this rare moment of peace and quiet. Hiccup ran his fingers through her now dry hair.

“Will you let me braid your hair?” She looked at him for a few seconds before nodding and turning her back to him. He delicately combed through her silky golden tresses with his fingers, undoing the small knots and separated her hair into three parts. He expertly twisted the locks in a loose braid. Usually, Astrid wouldn’t braid her hair when going to bed as it provided a thin layer of heat for her neck. Winter in New Berk was just as merciless as Old Berk, but right now, they were approaching the hottest days of the year. While the air was still cool when evening came, she didn’t need that much coverage as the fire heated the room to a perfect temperature. 

Astrid passed the leather band that was hanging on her wrist to her husband as he finished tending her hair. He attached it and swept her hair over her shoulder. Placing a light peck on the nape. She shivered at the contact and fell back, trusting Hiccup to catch her, which he did. He pressed his lips on her now accessible forehead. She laid in his arms for a while, just relishing the feeling of having his arms around her and the small, tickling kisses all across her face. 

“Is this what you’ve been up to the whole time when you said you wanted to go home?” He asked.

“The failed cooking took most of my time.” She lamented.

“Did you have time to rest?” Astrid looked away. She knew she needed extra time to do the cooking, but she didn’t expect to fail that hard. In the end, it took much more time than she expected. Not that she felt like she needed a break, her husband needed it more than she did. But she was hoping to have more quality time with him. Unfortunately, after the fourth try, she decided to throw the towel. 

“I’ll rest when you do.” Just as she said that the blonde Viking let out a yawn. 

“Well, someone is getting tired.” Hiccup teased. 

“I’ve been tired since our beloved Goddess Sol decided to show off all her glory even more so than usual.” Hiccup fought back a yawn that didn’t go unnoticed by his wife. “Seems like I’m not the only one that’s tired. Come on babe, let’s get you to bed.” She freed herself from his embrace and got up, lending a hand to help her husband up too. They headed upstairs, leaving the dirty dishes for tomorrow. 

Once in their bedroom again, they undressed and put on their thin nightwear, hoping to finally get a comfortable night of sleep. They got in bed and Hiccup spooned her, letting her get comfortable in his arms. They sighed in content.

“Astrid?” He hesitantly called out, hoping she didn’t already fall asleep. 

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you.”

“You know you don’t need to thank me”

“I know, but you always seem to know what I need before I even do. So, I want to thank you. I really appreciate it. I love you, Milady.” He kissed the back of her head.

She squeezed his hand that was resting around her waist. “I love you too.” She sleepily answered.

He tightened his arms around her as he let sleep consume him.

Gods, how he loved that woman.

oOo

So this one-shot was written while I was writing another Hiccstrid story. I just needed a break since I was having a writer's block and I desperately needed some heartwarming fluff because the other one is heavy, at least for me it is. This one-shot could possibly have a potential smut scene one day, I just have no idea how to write those yet.

The other story will be posted soon, depending on how inspired I am. It's either going to be a long one-shot or a short chaptered fiction. To this day, I have written around 11K words, and it could possibly reach 20K. All I'm going to reveal for now is that Astrid is going to have a bad time. Hopefully you guys will be interested.

Also, would anyone be interested in a separate one-shot on how Astrid got that scar? I don't know why, I love Astrid so much that I need to read/write Astrid!Whump fics.

[hyuniepot]

the butterfly effect. || chapter 6

chapter word count || 5,372

genre || thriller, angst, drama

members || mark lee, na jaemin, lee jeno, huang renjun, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle, park jisung

warnings || mentions of death, implications of depression

pairing || fem!reader x jaemin || slight fem!reader x mark

synopsis || you never thought you’d be able to play with fate so easily, especially not through some shady app. but you suddenly must say goodbye to what you know and hello to a new world where everything seems perfect.

taglist || @gothboyjisung​ @jeongyoonohs @doiewonu @huanginjoon​ @wordsgodeep @colpen

previous chapter

You woke up way later than usual. You were still in the clothes you wore yesterday. You immediately got up and showered, changing into a new pair of clothes.

You woke up way later than usual. You were still in the clothes you wore yesterday. You immediately got up and showered, changing into a new pair of clothes.

You woke up way later than usual. You were still in the clothes you wore yesterday. You immediately got up and showered, changing into a new pair of clothes.

When you were done, you checked your phone.

Mark

hey, when do u wanna hang out?

you can come over here if u want.

or whatever. its fine

oh, you probably aren’t awake yet….

lol. let me know when ur awake.

You smile.

You

hey im awake now

i can come over to ur place, is any time fine?

i just gotta get ready and stuff

You set your phone down and look at yourself in the mirror, continuing to dry your hair. You know you still had to make your final decision on whether you were going to leave or not. Your mind couldn’t make a decision. There were pros and cons to doing both.

If you were to go back, you’d return to a life with no Mark and a Jisung who isn’t happy. But you’d have Hyuck. You’d have Jaemin, and Jeno and Renjun. You’d have your old friends back. You could use what you learned here to fix your life.

But Mark. He was the only thing stopping you. You wanted to take him along with you but you knew it was impossible. You just couldn’t imagine leaving him again when you had spent so long yearning for him to be back.

You jump at the sound of your phone dinging.

Mark

yea, come on over. i’ll be here all day hahah

You

got it. i’ll be there soon

You then clicked on Hyuck’s name to text him.

You

i know this is annoying but please give me the time i need. i’ll let you know tonight what my decision is.

You turned your phone off, grabbing your camera and putting it in your new bag. Jisung was in his room so you gently knock and wait for a response.

Jisung opens the door. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you respond. “I’m gonna go to Mark’s today, are you gonna be okay here alone?”

Your mother’s workload had definitely decreased, but she still worked long hours. You only got to see her in the mornings before school.

Jisung nods. “Yep, that’s fine.”

“Okay.” you exhale. “I’ll see you later, then.”

He nods, and you turn away and head downstairs. You make your way outside and start your journey to Mark’s house. Luckily, you had gone there once since you showed up, so you knew your way.

Everything was still so familiar. Of course it was; this was the town you grew up in after all. And that’s why it was so hard to differentiate from your old life sometimes. Everything still felt right at times.

You were glad Mark didn’t live too far away. You spotted him outside, sitting on one of the concrete stairs that lead to the porch. His face lights up when he spots you, getting up and making his way to you.

“What’s up?” he smiles.

“Nothing,” you reply. “What’s the plan for today?” you both continue making your way to his house.

“I don’t have anything planned, really…” he says, scratching his head. “We just chill for a bit and then figure out something if you want.”

You nod, going up the stairs to his porch. He opens the door, letting you in. You follow him up to his room, suddenly feeling nervous. You hadn’t been alone with Mark like this. You barely even knew how to be around him without feeling awestruck.

He opens the door to his room and it hits you. It was so perfectly… him. It was just what you expected, what you always imagined it would look like. An acoustic guitar stood in the corner of his room, bed haphazardly made. A record player was set up on the left side, the records he owned displayed on a nearby shelf. Posters of all different subjects were taped on the wall, some personal photos mixed in. You spotted one of you and Mark as children, one of the photos you always looked at when you missed him.

It hurt to look at everything. But you had to force your emotions aside.

“Yeah, had to switch up the old room,” he says, putting his hands in his pockets. “I think this looks way cooler.”

You nod. “It looks great.” your voice is barely audible. You couldn’t take your eyes off the photos on the wall.

“Oh,” Mark notices you staring at the wall. He walks to where his bed is, squatting down and pulling a book out from under it. “I found a whole photo album of old photos.” he says. He motions you to come sit down next to him, and you oblige.

He opens it. The first few pages were photos of him as a baby, but it quickly changed to photos of him as a kid. It didn’t take long for you to appear. You had seen them all before, but it was still nice to look at them. There were even pictures from your trip to the butterfly enclosure, an unsure look plastered across your face. Mark was beaming.

“Do you remember this?” Mark puts his finger on an old photo of you and him at a fair — huge grins on both of your faces. He laughs. “We rode a ride and I swore I was gonna get sick after it. You were so freaked out by it that you avoided me until I convinced you I felt better.”

You laugh. You did remember it. You remembered running away from him and staying at least 10 feet away until you finally gave in.

He turns a few pages. It was time to look at photos that you had never seen, stories that you had never heard, the things that could have been. You just tried to keep your breathing steady.

There’s a picture of you and him together in somewhat formal clothing — probably your first highschool dance. Hyuck and another boy you didn’t recognize stood behind you, giving both you and Mark bunny ears.

“You remember Johnny, right?”

That must have been the other boy. You just nodded. Of course, you had no idea who he was.

“He moved here when we were like 12, right?” he looks at the photo. “I miss him. I don’t get to talk to him a lot because he travels so he’s always in a different timezone but… when I do, it’s like he never left.” he adds.

You wrack your brain — did you ever know anyone named Johnny? You were sure you didn’t. He didn’t exist in your old life. But he had somehow been a part of your life in this universe at some point. He was visibly older — not by too much, but he was definitely more mature. It didn’t help that Mark had a baby face. He had brown, medium length hair that was kind of shaggy. He seemed charming. But since there was no sign of him in your phone, you assumed you didn’t keep in touch with him.

Mark flips the pages a few more times. There’s a picture of you, Mark, and Hyuck on what seemed to be your last halloween together. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint when, but you were probably 14 or 15. You were dressed up as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Hyuck was dressed as the beast and Mark was dressed as Lumière, the candlestick.

You look at the girl in those photos. You wished you had her brain; You wished you remembered everything the way she did. Looking at yourself in the photos didn’t feel right. No matter what you did, you couldn’t convince yourself that it was you. Because technically, it wasn’t. Where was that girl now? Was she living your old life? Spending her days with Jaemin, desperately wishing for Mark?

“Are you okay?” you snap back to reality at the sound of Mark’s voice. He had closed the book and was looking at you with a concerned look on his face.

You let out an awkward chuckle. “Oh… yeah. I’m fine… I just kinda zoned out.”

“Yeah… you’ve been doing that a lot lately…” Mark stands up and slides the book back under his bed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You don’t want to reply. Your eyes start burning with tears.

“Yeah,” you reply softly.

“That’s why I wanted to hang out with you today. You’ve seemed so… off lately… No offense,” Mark sits back down and looks at you. “I don’t mean that in a mean way, I just mean… it seems like something is bothering you and… are you crying?”

Tears finally escape your eyes, cascading down your cheeks. You stay silent as Mark wraps his arms around you, tightly hugging you.

“Oh god, oh no… I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” Mark says.

You can’t help but smile as you cry into his chest. “No… it’s not your fault…”

He pulls away from the hug. “Is something actually wrong? You know you can talk to me… I heard bottling up your emotions isn’t healthy…”

You take your time collecting yourself to try and think of an excuse. Obviously you couldn’t tell him the real reason why you seemed so out of it -- oh yeah, Mark, I’m from a universe where you died and I ended up here because I used some app to wish for you back and I have literally no idea what’s going on half the time.

“I’m just stressed,” you tell him. “I’ve never been this stressed so I don’t really know how to deal with it.”

“Ah…” Mark nods. “I get it… I mean, we’re in our last year of school. Everyone’s gonna expect us to act like adults soon. It’s… scary.”

You nod, wiping your tears. I wish that was what I was stressed about.

And that’s when it clicks. You realize you don’t belong here. You were destined to live in a world without Mark. But that thought only makes you start crying again.

Mark hugs you again. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Just let it out, okay?”

So you do. You let everything out. Your shoulders shake as you sob. To anyone, it would seem like you’re overreacting. Sobbing in your best friend’s arms because you’re stressed. But this was the one thing you felt like could make you feel better.

For years, you laid in your bed alone, sobbing because you missed Mark. Because you felt guilty. And if you weren’t crying over him, you wished he was there to comfort you. And now it finally happened, and you were gonna relish the moment. This was all you ever wanted.

You feel guilty — Mark just wanted to hang out and here you were, making him comfort you as you cried for God knows what.

You force yourself to stop crying. Mark lets you go and levels himself with you, wiping your face with his thumb. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks. “We’re best friends… you can tell me anything, y’know?”

You nod. “I know… I just… didn’t want to bother anyone.”

Mark furrows his brows. “Hey come on, don’t say that. You wouldn’t be bothering anyone. Don’t think like that.”

You hiccup. You could feel that your face was puffy from crying.

“Okay,” Mark stands up. “I think this calls for some relaxation, right? I’m gonna get a bunch of blankets and we’re just gonna lounge.” He grabs a spare blanket and wraps it around your shoulders, helping you stand up. He leads you to his basement. There was a large couch and a TV. You sit down.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” he asks.

You nod. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Mark turns the TV on. “Okay. I’ll find something for us to watch. Get comfortable, okay?”

You scoot around for a bit before finding a comfortable spot. The crying you did made your eyelids heavy.

Mark joins you on the couch, clicking through the TV guide, searching for something to watch. He clicks on a movie before opening his arms. “Come here.”

Maybe it wasn’t right, but you let him hold you. You listen to his heartbeat, trying to keep yourself awake until you couldn’t fight it anymore.

[4:27 p.m.]

Your eyes flutter open. You glance around, taking in your surroundings and remembering you were in Mark’s basement. You realize you were still in his arms. You quickly sit up, making Mark jolt awake.

“Oh shit,” he says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Did we both fall asleep?” he chuckles.

You smile. “Yeah… looks like it.” You stretch your muscles. “Did you get to watch any of movie?”

“Nope.” Mark replies. “I think I fell asleep right after I realized you had,” he says softly.

You groan. “What time is it? We didn’t sleep through the day, did we?” you ask, suddenly nervous.

Mark pulls out his phone to check the time. He shakes his head. “Nope. Only about two and a half hours.”

You sigh in relief. It was still a long time, but at least it was still daytime. “Oh, good.”

“Do you wanna go get some food? We should probably get up so we don’t fall asleep again,” he laughs.

You smile. “Good idea.”

You both make your way upstairs and you retrieve your bag from Mark’s room before leaving the house. The weather, like yesterday, was nice. A light breeze blew, but it wasn’t cold thanks to the sun. You could hear children playing in a yard nearby. You and Mark made your way to a restaurant nearby. It was one that you didn’t recognize. It was a bit retro-themed and was decorated like a classic diner.

You and Mark sit down at a booth, looking at the menu. “We haven’t been to this place in forever… they got a bunch of new menu items.” Mark mumbles.

You look at the menu. It had all kinds of different types of burgers, but most importantly, milkshakes.

Mark gasped. “They got rid of the cookies ‘n cream milkshake? Are you kidding me?” he whines.

You laugh. “Really? That has to be a popular flavor.”

“Right? It’s so good too, I order it everytime. So why would they — oh, nevermind… they just rebranded it…” Mark says softly, hiding his face with the menu.

Your eyes find their way to the milkshakes; they had simply changed the name of the milkshake from Cookies ‘N Cream to Oreo. You giggle. “Dork.”

“Hey, come on! I was panicked, alright?” Mark laughs.

A waitress swings by and takes your orders — you just order a classic burger and fries with a milkshake with your favorite ice cream flavor.

You feel your phone buzz in your pocket. You pull it out to see who’s calling. It’s Hyuck. “Um,” you swallow hard. “I’m gonna go wash my hands real quick.” you tell Mark.

He nods. “Alright.”

You get up from the booth and quickly walk to the bathroom. You close the door behind you, praying that it was empty. “Hello?”

“God, took you long enough.” Hyuck mutters.

“Why’d you call?” you sigh.

“Because I think we need to actually talk about this… I mean, if you decide to leave, I need to be able to tell you when to send the message.” he replies.

You roll your eyes. “I told you I would let you know later. I’m with Mark right now.”

“Are you serious?”

You pause. It’s deathly quiet. You can feel Hyuck’s anger through the phone. “He wanted to hang out, he asked me last night when he dropped me off… did you really think I’d say no?”

“You should’ve,” he sighs. “You know you’re only making it harder on yourself.”

You knew he was right. “I just… wanted to make some final memories before possibly leaving,” you tell him.

“I… understand.” Hyuck adds quietly. You hear him sigh. “You know this is hard on me too, right? I’m sorry I keep being so pushy but… I just wanna get out of here.”

It’s silent again. For the first time, you realize you never even thought about how Hyuck felt. You knew he missed Mark just as much as you did.

“That’s why I’ve been kinda distancing myself from him. Because the first day we were here, it was hell. All I could think about was that day… it’s all I can think about.” he says. You can barely hear him.

“Hyuck…” you whisper.

“Being here… with him… it’s too much for me to handle. You don’t think I feel the same way? I know this is a universe where we could both be happy with Mark, but something keeps telling me I can’t stay here. Too much has changed. I can’t be comfortable here.” Hyuck’s voice starts trembling. “Which is why I refused to spend any time with Mark. Because he’s the only reason I want to stay. But I miss my old life. I miss my friends. I don’t know what the hell went wrong here, but my life is just so much shittier here. Everything that could’ve gone wrong feels like it went wrong.” he rants.

You feel so much guilt for not taking the time to think about why he’d want to leave. You spent so much time thinking about yourself and Mark because you knew you’d always have Hyuck.

“Not even Mark makes staying worth it.” he spits. You can’t tell if he’s angry or sad; it’s probably both. “We were so stupid for coming here,” he finally chuckles, although you can tell it isn’t from happiness. “We were so fucking stupid.”

“I know,” you reply softly.

“I’m sorry. Call me later, okay?”

He hangs up before you can say anything. You slowly put your phone down and shove it back into your pocket. You want to cry, but you’ve already spent too much time in here. You rush out of the bathroom, and instantly run into someone.

“I’m sorry,” you say, looking up at the person. Your heart almost stops.

“No worries,” Jaemin says, flashing you a polite smile.

Your heart starts pounding. You try to tell yourself to stop staring at him, but this was the first time you’ve seen him since coming here. He doesn’t look too different — hair is darker now but everything is the same. The same eyes you fell in love with. The smile that gave you butterflies in your stomach. He’s dressed in normal clothes, so that meant he was probably eating here alongside you and Mark.

You want to lunge towards him, hugging him so tightly he could never leave you again. But you finally just nodded and forced your legs to walk past him; they had started trembling and you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there. You were glad Mark’s back was to you. You sat back down at your seat, your hands now trembling

“Everything okay?” Mark asks.

You nod. You clear your throat. “Yeah… uh, sorry I took so long. My mom called while I was in there.”

“Oh, okay.” Mark takes a sip of his milkshake that had been set on the table while you were gone. “You’re not in trouble or anything, right?” he asks, eyes widening.

You smile. “No.”

“Okay, good! I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for hanging out with me or something…” Mark says.

You stir your milkshake with your straw. You weren’t feeling very hungry anymore, but after the first sip, it was too delicious to stop.

“(y/n)!” you hear a voice calling your name. You turn your head towards the direction it’s coming from.

Naeun walks to your table. “I didn’t even see you here! What’s up?” she smiles.

“Oh… nothing.” you reply, forcing a smile in return. “Me and Mark are just hanging out and we were hungry, so here we are.” you tell her.

“Of course. Partners in crime. Hi, Mark.” Naeun responds. “Jaemin brought me here. Can you believe I’ve never been here before? This place has been up for years and I’ve never had the chance.” she pouts.

“Really?” Mark speaks up. “You gotta try their milkshakes, they’re delicious.” he tells her.

Naeun chuckles. “Will do. What flavor did you get? It looks good.” she asks.

“Oh! Cookies ‘n cream. It’s my favorite.” he replies, smiling.

“That’s a good flavor.” You hear Jaemin before you see him. Why is he talking about ice cream? He can’t even eat dairy. You think.

“How would you know?” Naeun teases, as if she was a mind reader. “You can’t have ice cream.”

Jaemin enters your line of sight, wrapping an arm around Naeun’s shoulders. It feels like a gunshot to your chest. “Well, I’m not supposed to have it. But these milkshakes make all the pain worth it.” he jokes.

Mark laughs. “He’s right though. How’s it going, Jaemin? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Jaemin grins. “I’m doing good. School has been way harder lately, but…”

“Yeah, I would assume so. I can’t believe you got into that school, no offense…”

Jaemin chuckles. “None taken. I was surprised I got in, too. I just wish they had accepted me earlier so I wouldn’t have had to leave halfway through a school year. But, I come back here and visit almost every weekend, so…”

Watching Mark and Jaemin talk felt weird. You didn’t even know they knew each other. That also answered your question as to why you never saw Jaemin at school. You wonder what school he had been accepted to.

“Oh, how rude of me. Hey, (y/n). How are you?” Jaemin turns his attention to you. “I was gonna talk to you earlier but you ran away from me.” he laughs. “I didn’t even realize it was you until you were gone.”

“Sorry…” you say softly. “Um… I didn’t realize it was you either.”

You can feel Jaemin’s eyes piercing into you. You didn’t want to look at him. You couldn’t.

“Well, I’d love to hang out with you guys, but after we eat I have to drive Jaemin back home… maybe we could all hang out another time? Double dates, maybe?” she says, grinning.

“Date?” Mark asks, furrowing his brows. “I mean… yeah, we can hangout but…” he laughs awkwardly.

“I’m teasing,” she says, glancing at you. “Both of you get so defensive!” she jokes. “Not trying to pressure you guys, but you’d be really cute together.” she presses.

“Okay, Naeun, enough,” Jaemin chuckles. “Mark’s gonna explode if you keep going.”

You look at Mark, whose face was red from embarrassment.

“We’ll see you guys later then,” Naeun says. The couple walk away from your table, Jaemin’s arm still around her. Your throat gets tight.

“Gosh…” Mark giggles. “Sorry. Stuff like that just gets me embarrassed,” he says, shaking his head.

You smile. “It’s okay.”

A waitress comes to the table a few moments later and sets the food you ordered on the table. Your appetite had come back. Seeing the food made you realize how hungry you really were.

Mark takes a bite of his burger. “I swear this place always hits the spot,” he says.

He was right. The food was really good. You were actually kind of mad this restaurant didn’t exist in your universe. It was perfect.

“Are you okay?” Mark asks. It’s so sudden, your first response is to just stare at him with wide eyes.

You swallow your food. “Yeah, why?”

Mark shrugs. “I just wanted to check in. You kinda froze up when Naeun and Jaemin were talking to us.” he says softly.

“Oh…” you set your burger down. “I was feeling kind of awkward because I ran into Jaemin when I left the bathroom. And then I ran away from him,” you laugh.

“Ah,” Mark nods. “I see.”

“Yeah… I’m kind of good at that. Making everything awkward.” you chuckle.

“Oh, shush.” Mark laughs. “Have you ever met me?”

You giggle. “Okay, well… if you’re the most awkward person on the planet, then I’m the close second.” you tell him.

“And that’s why we make such a good pair.” he replies.

Why did you feel so guilty every time you remembered how much you loved Jaemin?

You both finished your meals; Mark, of course, offered to pay for everything. Then you both left the restaurant. The sun was beginning to set.

“Ooh, wait,” you tell Mark, pulling your camera from your bag. He stops to look at you. “Let me take a picture of you here,” you say, pointing to one of the neon signs in the window.

Mark gets in front of it and poses, and you snap the photo. You both watch as it develops. “Perfect.” you show it to Mark.

You decide to head back to Mark’s house to hang out for a few more hours. As the sun set, the city was becoming less crowded. You passed children riding their bikes back home, people arriving home from work. Everything felt so normal, once again.

“Hey,” Mark says as you reach his room. “Check this out.” he grabs his guitar. “I finally learned how to play this song,”

“Hmm?” you lounge on his bed. “What song?”

He strums his guitar. You could already tell how good he had gotten at it; you only got the chance to hear him play twice before he died.

You recognize the song instantly — I’m Yours by Jason Mraz. It brings a smile to your face. Mark sings along softly. You realize his singing voice has gotten better as well.

You listen to him sing and shift to your side, propping yourself up with your elbow and resting your head on your hand. He’s completely immersed in the music. He looks so happy. You slowly retrieve your bag and take a photo of him.

He stops. “Oh… sorry. I kinda got preoccupied there,” he laughs.

“No, it’s okay…” you reply, feeling guilty for pulling him out of his music-induced-daze. “I was enjoying it.”

“Really?” Mark taps the strings of his guitar. “Well… I’ll finish the song then.” he continues strumming, taking a few moments to find where he left off.

You watch him, a soft smile on your face. This was a moment you definitely wanted to savor. If you were going to forget your time here, you at least wanted to remember this. It was beautiful. It was Mark.

[10:45 p.m.]

Mark offered to walk you home before it got too late — he had forgotten that it was a school night for him.

“Are you sure your mom won’t be mad?” Mark asks, nervously.

You laugh. “Once again, no. If she was worried about me we’d see flyers on the telephone poles,” you joke.

Mark chuckles. “Okay… I just don’t wanna get you in trouble for keeping you out so late. I lost track of time, to be honest…”

You nod. “Me too.” You had spent hours listening to Mark play his guitar and he tried to help you learn a song, but you weren’t as musically gifted as him, so it didn’t go very well. But Mark acted as if you were the God of Guitar, cheering when you played a few chords.

“Today was really fun.” he says softly. “If you ever wanna do this to… unwind… or whatever… just let me know.”

You smile. “Of course.”

Your heart drops as your house comes into view. It was your last few moments with Mark.

He walks you to your doorstep this time; he usually just walks to your driveway. It’s almost as if he knows. “Well,” Mark says, sighing. “We’re here.”

You grin, trying to mask your sadness. “Yeah… thanks for today. It was really fun!” you say.

Mark stares at you for a moment. “Um…” his eyes dart around, not sure where to look. “I…”

You watch him as he struggles to form a sentence. “Mark?” you ask softly.

He closes his mouth before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I just had a lot of fun today.” he says.

You nod slowly. What did he really want to say? “Hurry and go home,” you tell him. “I don’t need you being all tired tomorrow.” your voice is barely above a whisper.

Mark stares at you for a few moments more. “You’re right,” he laughs, shaking his head. “I’m tired already… I’ll probably sleep like a baby when I get home.” Whatever tension was there had disappeared. In a spur-of-a-moment decision, you wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Text me when you get home, okay?” you tell him. Your head is against his chest; You can hear his heart beating.

“Of course,” he breathes. He finally wraps his arms around you. “Are… you okay?” he asks again.

You feel tears rushing to your eyes again. You chuckle. “I’m fine. I just… I love you.” you whisper. “You’re my best friend, okay? And… I need you to know that.”

He rubs your back. “I love you too,” he replies. “I’m so glad to know you.” he says.

You let him go. You knew you had to.

“Well… I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mark says.

You nod. “I’ll see you.”

You knew it was a lie, but only on your end. He’d see you. You wouldn’t be seeing him. But you knew what you were doing was right. Mark starts walking away, giving you one final smile before he was out of sight.

You push your front door open, going straight to your room and letting yourself cry. You let all of your emotions out. You wanted to run to Mark and hug him again and you never wanted to let go.

You finally pulled yourself together when you heard a faint knock on your door. You wipe your eyes and face quickly, although you knew your face would be puffy from crying. “Come in.”

Jisung peeks in. “Are you okay?”

You nod, although it’s unconvincing — his simple question makes you cry more. “I’m fine.”

“Why are you crying?” Jisung opens the door completely and enters, sitting next to you on your bed. “Did something happen?”

You shake your head. “No. I’m not sad,” you lie. “I’m just… feeling a lot of emotions right now.”

Jisung furrows his brows. “But… you seem sad.”

You take a deep breath. “I’m not, bud. I’m fine. Nothing happened between me and Mark, if that’s what you’re asking. I guess I’m just feeling… thankful. For Mark, and you, and all my friends.”

“Oh…” you can tell Jisung is still confused, but he shrugs it off. “Well… I guess as long as you aren’t sad, it’s okay.”

You feel him wrap and arm around you. You hug him back, feeling much more relieved now that you had cried a bit more.

“I’m going to bed now,” Jisung says, removing his arm from around your shoulders. “Are you sure you’re okay…?”

You nod. “I’m okay, really. Go to bed. Don’t stay up late because of me.” you tell him. He should’ve been in bed already… you realize.

Jisung nods. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you, Jisung.”

He seems taken aback by your words. You don’t blame him — no matter what, telling your sibling you love them still feels awkward.

“Love you too.”

He leaves your room. You pick up your bag from where you had placed it when you got to your room and retrieved your camera. You collect all the photos you had taken. The one of Jisung in the kitchen, him talking to Mark, Mark and his ice cream, everyone outside of the ice cream parlor, him outside of the restaurant, him playing his guitar, and finally, the photo Hyuck had taken of you. You shove them in your pocket, praying that they would return to the correct universe with you.

You lay down on your bed, completely exhausted. You just want to fall asleep, but you know you can’t. You pull out your phone, going to your messages and clicking on Hyuck’s name.

You

let me know when you’re ready.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

artistry (1/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

therapy, and hatred for the same things; the beginning of a beautiful love story 😌

also sorry this is not any of the stories on the list i published a couple weeks ago. ive been submerged in the falcon and the winter soldier and really wanted to write more for Bucky so here's the beginning of that. i will be working on the other stories they just may take more time. but for now i hope you all enjoy the bucky content!

Song: never know by set it off

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I stood, knees to the couch, arms folded over my chest, Studying the wall as best I could. God I fucking hated it. It was so polite and warm and inviting. Barf.

"Disturbing."

I grumbled, hearing soft footsteps against the carpet.

"Oh sorry, they told me to wait in here I didn't realize there was someone-"

I glanced over at him for a moment. He seemed like he wanted to leave but I'm sure he was curious what I was doing. I was staring at the wall behind the couch after all.

"It's kind of infuriating isn't it?"

I asked, looking over the pale greens and blues.

"Um, what is?"

He now seemed very confused. I nodded towards the mural.

"Sometimes when I look at this wall too long I can just imagine myself punching a hole in it."

I half laughed.

"I couldn't tell you how many times I've wanted to offer to paint over it."

I uncrossed my arms, side stepping the couch and touching the wall gently.

"I never really thought about it but it is kind of ugly isn't it?"

He sent me a smile and I couldn't help laughing more.

"Y/n."

I said offering my hand to shake.

"James."

"Firm grip ya got there James."

He rubbed his gloved hands together, looking to the floor as his smile faded.

"Thought I knew my own strength."

I kept the smile on, touching his shoulder gently.

"Hey, a firm grip isn't necessarily a bad thing. Besides, no harm no foul. I'm sure you put it to good use."

I winked at him and he seemed like he didn't know what to do again. Until he let out a nervous laugh.

"Right."

I nodded once, looking back over the wall and dropping my hand from him.

"I should probably get going, doc should be in soon and I wouldn't want to take away from your session."

I walked past him.

"It was nice to meet you James."

As I reached the door he cleared his throat.

"Hey y/n-"

He said quickly and I turned back around to face him. He was fiddling with his fingertips, pinching the leather of the black gloves.

"I uh, don't get out much but I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink. Maybe, talk about how you'd repaint this wall?"

He pointed to it haphazardly, a smile making its way back to his face. In that moment I couldn't help the one creeping it's way across my own lips. I nodded quickly.

"I'd like that a lot James, uh here, you can call or text me at this number and we can work something out."

As I spoke I reached into my bag and pulled out a business card that I probably hadn't used in too long. The edges were fraying and my occupation had changed but I handed it to him anyway. He held it between both hands and looked over it.

"Are you free tonight?"

He asked, hope behind his eyes. I pretended to think for a moment.

"Ya know what I think I am."

I said and his smile got wider.

"Meet me at the bar at the corner of tenth and Jefferson?"

I nodded slowly at his inquisition, backing up into the doorway and squeaking when my back hit the wood.

"Eight o'clock, don't be late."

I said, turning and almost running into Dr Raynor.

"Oh, sorry, uh have a good session."

I mumbled quickly, ducking past her.

"I'll see you tonight James."

°°°°°°°°°

As I sat at the bar alone I began to doubt he was even coming. It was almost nine already and I was starting to think I was stupid for even waiting this long. Maybe I should go. Or maybe I should try to find someone else to talk to. The band was pretty good after all. I sighed and raised my finger to get the bartenders attention. when she turned around i opened my mouth-

"I'll have what she's having."

I heard, looking over to James with wide eyes as he sat beside me. He was wearing a navy blue leather jacket of some kind that exposed his left, metal, arm.

"You actually came."

I said surprised. He seemed almost ashamed.

"Sorry I'm late. My friend needed me and we got a little caught up. I was going to call but-"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and the top was barely hanging onto the base by a wire. the flip phone kind of took me aback though. but it didnt matter, he showed up.

"It's okay, im just glad you actually came."

He let out a nervous laugh and took a sip of the drink the bartender had sat down.

"I was hoping you'd still wanna talk, even though I'm an hour late."

I nodded, looking over his face as he fully turned to me and my face fell.

"An hour late and bleeding."

I reached towards him and touched his temple gently. He winced at first.

"You wanna get out of here? I can get that fixed up; I only live about a block away."

I suggested and he nodded slowly.

"Uh yeah, I'd like that."

I paid the bartender and stood up, James following me outside. I inhaled deeply at the scent of rain as the sky darkened with clouds.

"So, something life-threatening happen on your way here?"

I asked, laughing a little as he looked to me.

"I'm kidding. Unless it did, in which case I'm glad you're okay."

He scratched the back of his neck, pacing slowly beside me.

"Good talk."

I said and he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I just, I don't do this often and I feel like I've already lost my chance with you."

I looked to him and drew my brows.

"would i have invited you to my house if you had?"

he shrugged, side nodding before tucking his hands into his pockets. i frowned when he didnt respond.

"look, james, i think I'll be the judge of whether or not youve lost your chance and right now I say you haven't. but you said you wanted to talk and there's not a whole lot of that going on."

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

I asked, slipping my right hand into his left elbow and he stopped. He looked down at our arms connected for a second and then I felt bad.

"Sorry, I just uh, figured it'd lighten the mood a bit. Sorry."

I pulled away and kept walking.

"Wait. No, it's just-"

I looked back at him and watched as he opened and closed his hand a few times.

"I don't really associate good things with it so it took me off guard a little bit. You can, uh, you can hold my hand if you want. That's fine."

He stepped closer to me and took my hand in his. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks, I guess I just wasn't really thinking."

We kept walking.

"It doesn't bother you?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Why would it bother me?"

There was a long silence as we rounded the street corner.

"I don't know."

He said softly.

"Uh, we're here."

I said, letting go of his hand and walking up the stairs to unlock my front door, looking to him as he looked over it. when i offered for him to come inside he hesitated for a moment but followed me in anyway.

"here you can sit here, let me get a look at where this blood is coming from."

he watched as i pulled the stool out form under my breakfast bar and i felt more nervous than before. it had suddenly occurred to me that we would be getting much closer and that led to some pretty self-conscious thoughts. but who was i kidding? he bared himself to me already, why should i be scared?

i inhaled deeply as he sat, moving to turn another light on so i could see better. i moved back over to stand between his legs, touching his jaw lightly and tilting his head down. he kept his eyes on me as i touched the wound gently, hearing his breathing hitch in the back of his throat before i let go to get a cold wash rag.

"so, you wanna tell me what happened?"

i asked, trying to lighten the mood as i came back and began wiping the dried blood away from the cut at his hairline. my finger tips were at his chin and he seemed more relaxed now.

"i was helping a friend."

he repeated like before. i nodded once.

"you live a dangerous life don't you James?"

he looked up at me with innocent eyes.

"bucky."

he said and i raised a brow.

"bucky?"

"thats what my friends call me."

i nodded once.

"are you calling me a friend?"

i asked and he finally cracked a smile.

"if you want to be."

he said and i let out a short laugh.

"and if i dont?"

his smile began to fade and he cleared his throat. i looked to the ceiling for a moment before leaning down and kissing his cheek gently.

"thats not what i meant bucky."

when he looked back up at me he seemed so lost, like this was a new type of kindness. part of my heart broke thinking about what could have happened to lead him here.

"what do you say we call this a trial run? we can take a weekend sometime and maybe go to the art museum down the street, get pizza for lunch, and just have a good time."

he seemed like he was still trying to study me as i put the wash rag on the counter and wiped my wet hands on my jeans.

"no blood, no confusion, just two people having a good time."

i held my hand out for him to shake. he nodded slowly, the smile barely there as he reached for it.

"i think id like that y/n. i think id like that a lot."

[thewalkingdead-fan101]

In This Hell Daryl Dixon X Reader Part 6/??

Hey guys! I am so sorry for not posting chapter six sooner, I've been working really hard on it for you all and I hope you like it! :) In this part I've tried to give some insight of the readers past. Warnings- General Walking Dead stuff, Blood, Gore, Swearing.

After his confession, Daryl had run off, and decided to sleep in a different tent. Much to my disappointment. The night went by quick, so did the next sunrise. After pulling my boots on, I grabbed my jacket and headed out, running into Carol as I exited the tent. “Morning Carol.” I smiled. “Morning, How’d you sleep?” She responded. “Half decent.” I answered “So about the same as every other night.” She laughed I nodded my head, grabbing one of the baskets with Carol. We washed the groups clothes, putting them back into the baskets. “I wish we could give back to Hershel, and his family. They’ve helped us with so much.” “You’re right. Maybe we could make them a dinner?” “That sounds great.”

“I’ve been thinking about it.” We stopped by our makeshift clothesline, placing the baskets on the picnic bench.

Hanging out the clothes, someone else had joined us. “I can't believe I slept in.”

“You must have needed it. Feeling all right?” Carol asked.

“Next time wake me, all right?” Lori paused. “Especially on laundry day.” She finished, grabbing some clothing.

“We can manage.” I smiled “I had an idea I wanted to run by you.” Carol looked over to me.

“What's that?”

“That big kitchen of theirs got me thinking. I wouldn't mind cooking in a real kitchen again. Maybe we all pitch in and cook dinner for Hershel and his family tonight. Kind of looking for things to keep my mind occupied.”

“After everything they've done for us, seems like the least we could do.”

“You mind extending the invitation? Would just feel more right coming from you.”

“How so?”

“You're Rick's wife. It sort of makes you our unofficial first lady.” Carol smiled as I chuckled. I look aver as the rest of the group make their way over to the Cherokee. “Morning, guys. Let's get going. We've got a lot of ground to cover.” Rick called out. I looked over to Lori, who was staring at her husband. “Hey, are you okay?” I asked, rubbing her shoulder. “Huh? Yeah, im fine, sorry.” She shook her head. “You know where I am if you need anything.” I nodded. She nodded back in response with a small smile. “I’ll be back, im just going to see if they need any help.” I smiled. I walked over to the Cherokee as Shane opened his big mouth. “Nothing about what Daryl found screams Sophia to me. Anyone could have been holed up in that farmhouse.” He commented from the passenger seat. I glare at him, shaking my head at his negativity.

“Anybody includes her, right?” Andrea asked. I looked over to Daryl, who was avoiding eye contact.

“Whoever slept in that cupboard was no bigger than yay-high.” He stated to the group.

“It's a good lead.” Andrea nodded.

“Maybe we'll pick up her trail again.” Rick noted. I look back over to Daryl, who points over onto the map.

“No maybe about it. I'm gonna borrow a horse, head up to this ridge right here, take a bird's-eye view of the whole grid. If she's up there, I'll spot her.”

“Good idea. Maybe you'll see your Chupacabra up there too.” T-dog jested.

“Chupacabra?” Rick asked.

“You never heard this? Our first night in camp, Daryl tells us that the whole thing reminds him of a time he went squirrel hunting and he saw a Chupacabra.” Dale finished. Smiling, I reminisced over that night.

Merle and Daryl were sitting on the left hand side of the fire, Morales and his wife on the right, Jacqui and T-dog next to Andrea and Amy. Glenn was sitting with Dale, Carl was sitting with the other kids, Louis, Eliza and Sophia as Shane, Lori and Carol chatted. Ed staring at his wife with a murderous glare in his eye, that we all had noticed. Then there was me, Sitting next to Shane, close enough so he knew where I was. I sat directly across from Daryl, making eye contact every now and then. We were all swapping stories about what we did before the end of the world, who we are.

When Merle noticed me watching Daryl. Thats when he stood up, getting everyones attention. “Come on little brother. You got this in the bag.” “Sit down Merle.” Daryl shook his head. “No, No, No, These people have told their stories, now let's tell them one of yours.” “Nah, they don’t wanna hear it.” He argued. “Come one Daryl, Let's let the people decide.” Merle made his way around the fire, stopping in front of where I was seated.

“How ‘bout you? You seem pretty interested there sweet cheeks.” “Leave her alone Merle.” Daryl softly growled. I looked up at Daryl and smiled softly. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it.” “See little brother? She wouldn’t mind hearing it.” Merle mocked me.

I rolled my eyes as Merle made his way back over to sit next to Daryl. “So what is this story about? You have my sisters attention, must be good.” Shane laughed. Daryl took a deep breath before starting.

“I- uh, I was out hunting, Merle was out doing whatever it was he was doing, our old man was at home passed out.” He began. “I was hunting squirrels, there wasn’t any big game around, it wasn’t the right time of the year. I had been out for a few hours, had about seven squirrels bagged. I was following one, that’s when I saw it.” “Saw what?” Carl asked, leaning on his knees, mirroring myself. “ I saw a chupacabra.” “A chupacabra?” Shane asked. The group all laughed as I watched Daryl, look down. “What did it look like?” I asked. Daryl looked up at me and I smiled. “You don’t believe this. Come on.” Shane scoffed. I ignored Shane, and kept eye contact with Daryl. “It was big, it was on all fours, looked like a cross between a bear and a coyote, Its eyes glowed red and it was hairless, looked as though it was scaly. It had spikes coming from it’s spine, it left as soon as it noticed I was there.” I looked over to see the kids all amazed at the story of the chupacabra. “After it ran off, I went home, told the old man, he didn’t believe me, I told Merle and he didn’t believe me.” “I think the only people buying into this story are the kids.” Andrea laughed.

“I Believe.” I smiled.

“See little brother. She Believes.” Merle laughed.

Daryl looked around the group as they laughed softly.

“I know what I saw, and I ain’t need none of y’all to believe me.” Daryl said, standing up and stalking to his tent.

“That’s it little brother! You only need me. You hear?” Merle called out, smiling as he watched Daryl leave. I look up to see Daryl, wearily watching me. My head snaps in the direction of Jimmy who was laughing at Daryl. “What are you braying at, jackass?” Daryl asked.

“You believe in a blood-sucking dog?” Jimmy sarcastically asked. “Do you believe in dead people walking around?” Daryl fought back. Jimmy looked down, before reaching for the gun.

“Hey hey. Ever fire one before?” Rick asked.

“Well, if I'm going out, I want one.” He stated.

“Yeah, and people in hell want slurpee’s.” Daryl responded, making his exit. I stifled laughter as Jimmy watched him walk away. “Why don't you come train tomorrow? If you're serious, I'm a certified instructor.” Shane called out to Jimmy.

“For now he can come with us.” Andrea smiled.

“He's yours to babysit then.” Shane nodded.

“What can I do?” I asked “You can stay here and out of the way.” Shane answered. “Excuse me? Shane-“ “Im sorry (Y/n), but I agree with your brother. It’s best for you to stay here and make sure that everyone is okay.” Rick nodded. I looked at Rick and nodded. “If that is how I can help find Sophia, fine.” I nodded as I backed away from the Cherokee and over to where Carol was.

“What’s the plan for today?” Carol asked.

“Rick, Shane, Dale, Andrea and T-dog are going out to search the woods, Daryl Is searching along the creeks and some old ridges.”

“I hope they’re all safe… the last thing we need is more people hurt or missing.” She sighed. “Carol-“ “Im starting to lose hope.” She started, looking out over the field that held a few head of cattle. “My little girl is out there, and each day that passes, doesn’t help. Andrea tried to comfort me yesterday… I told her not to, I can’t take anymore thoughts or prayers… It’s exhausting.” She continued. “I get it, I really do Carol. But we can’t give up. We will find her, and I am praying that its under good circumstances, but we will know what happened to your little girl, we will get closure.” Carol looked over and smiled softly. “Im with you, the whole way.” I smiled grabbing her hand.

She squeezed my hand as she let a few tears fall. “Thank you.” I looked up and watched as the others made their way into the cars and driving off to continue the search for Sophia. “If you need me, I’ll be inside, making sure that its clean for when they bring her home.” Carol sniffed. “Okay, ill talk to you later.”

Standing up, I stretch, looking around the farm. On the front porch, Glenn was strumming the guitar that Dale had found on the highway. Maggie coming out of the house, talking to Glenn. I make my way over to where Lori was sitting, staring at her hands, a somber expression. “Hey, are you okay?” I asked, sitting next to her. “Huh? Yeah honey im okay.” She responded. “Lori, I know you… Something is up. Talk to me.” “(Y/n), im fine, im just thinking about this world we are living in now, that poor little girl missing, my boy shot… Maybe this isn’t a world for children.” “I haven’t told anyone this. Before the CDC was destroyed, Jenner did an ultrasound… We found out that I was five weeks along. He tried to tell me that he could get rid of my baby.” “What?” She asked looking at me. “He said all of this stuff that terrified me. Since we left the CDC, I can’t stop thinking about what he said.” I paused. “Maybe you’re right for thinking that way. Maybe this isn’t a world for children anymore, hell I’ve been thinking that lately. But we are survivors, that’s what we do. Your boy, in that house, is a survivor. He pulled through, as for Sophia? I am still praying every night that we find that girl and bring her back.” “Am I a horrible mother for thinking this way?” She asked “Of course not! You’re only human. Lori, we are all going to get through this.” She nodded and smiled softly. “You’re right… That’s rare for a Walsh.” She joked. I laughed along with her. “You have the wrong sibling for that, im right at least 89.5% of the time.” I joked.

“You have a point. Your brother is barely right.”

We laughed for a moment.

I turned my head and I heard the sound of leaves crunching, seeing Glenn make his way over.

“(Y/n/n), can you give us a second?” Lori asked.

“Of course. I’ll talk to you later.” I smiled, getting up, walking toward the house. I turn to see Glenn headed towards Lori and I. “Hey, (Y/n/n)

I knocked on the door and waited for someone to acknowledge my presence.

“You don’t have to knock you know.” Maggie smiled walking up the steps.

“I just wanted to be polite... I didn’t want to just barge in.”

“It’s fine, really. Come on.” She opened the door and led me inside.

“What’s going on with you and Glenn?”

“What are you talking about?” She asked suddenly, a worried glint in her eye.

“You guys look pretty friendly.”

“We’re just friends, acquaintances more so.”

“It’s okay, you are allowed to make friends. We aren’t going to hurt you guys.” I smiled.

 “It’s not that, I can promise you it’s not that.” She smiled.

 “(Y/n/n)?”

I turn my head to see Carl looking through the crack in the door from his bed.

I look back at Maggie with a small smile.

“Do you mind?” I asked.

“Not at all.” She nodded backing away.

“Hey buddy, can I come in?”

He nodded.

I walked in and sat in the chair next to his bed.

“How are you feeling today mister?”

“I’m okay.” He smiled

“Does it hurt?”

“Not really, not anymore.”

“That’s good, that is really good.”

“I’m like dad now. He was shot, I was shot. He gave me his hat.” He said excitement clear on his face.

“So there is a new sheriff in town?”

He just laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, so I’m the boss now.” 

“Alright, do you want me to fluff your pillow there boss?” I joked with him.

He laughed softly, before he sighed and rested his head against the headboard.

“What’s wrong kiddo?” 

“I’m stuck in this stupid bed all day.”

“Carl, you need to get your rest, to get better.”

“I just want to be out and help look for Sophia.” He sighed.

“Hey, it won’t be long. You’ll be back on your feet in no time... Have patience.”

“I know. But I know I can help.” 

“I know you can help. But right now, you need to help by making sure you get better.”

He nodded, looking around the room.

“I have an idea.” 

He looked back to me hopeful.

“Give me a sec.” I smiled, getting up and leaving the room.

I stopped in the dining room where Maggie was seated at the table.

“Hey, sorry to be any trouble, but do you have any cards or games?” I asked.

She looked over and smiled.

“Yeah, I think so.” She answered, getting up and heading towards the living room, opening a small cupboard.

She was down for a moment, before popping back up with a monopoly board and scrabble board.

“We have these.” She smiled, passing me the two. 

“It’s perfect, thank you!” I smiled 

“You’re welcome.” She called as I left.

I made my way back to Carl’s room, halting as I catch a glimpse of a few of the Greene’s family photos hung on the wall. The biggest photo on the wall was a family portrait. Hershel, with a beautiful woman on his arm. The two were surrounded by three kids, Maggie, Beth and im guessing Shawn. In the portrait, Maggie and Beth were much younger, but there was barely any difference in their appearance. I could feel the presence of eyes, boring into my back. I turn to the side to see Hershel staring, briskly walking away after our eyes met. Left in the hallway, I turn back to the photos, smiling at the photo of of Maggie behind a screaming Beth on a rope swing. The next photo is of who I am assuming is Shawn as a young boy, sitting behind the wheel of a tractor on Hershels knee.

Another picture of the three kids, all with matching outfits, a newborn Beth in a basket, Shawn and Maggie holding the basket.

The photo reminding me of one the photos Shane and I had to endure for our parents when we were kids.

We were young, I was about three, Shane closer to six. Shane and I both sitting in a wheelbarrow, Shane behind me in matching denim overalls, covered in dirt. “Shane, come on buddy, You need to smile!” I heard dad trying to encourage him. “Shane, we’re sending these to your Grandma Jean, and the rest of the family, you need to smile sweetheart.” My mum said trying her best to coerce a smile from a stone faced Shane. “Same goes for you (Y/n). Big Smile angel.” My dad spoke. It didn’t take much to persuade me to do a giant smile. “Thats my girl!” My mother smiled. “Your turn now my boy.” My father started to get stern. “Come on, please smile for mommy and daddy.” Mom tried once more, softly sighing.

The bright sting of the flash had momentarily blinded us as the next picture was taken. Out of no where, both of our parents erupted into massive cheers. “Atta boy Shane!” Dad yelled still ecstatic. “This is it Patrick.” Mom had smiled. “We finally got our boy to smile Marie.” Dad smiled hugging her.

I shake my head and come back to now. The last photo I see is of Hershel and his wife, on their wedding day. Hershel looked much younger, his hair slicked back and his tie tight. I left after examining the photos, smiling over the smallest details. “So, I figured out what we can do to pass time while we’re here.” I smiled entering the room. “You are gonna stay?” He excitedly asked.

“Yeah, until you get tired.” “What are we going to do?” He smiled, slowly sitting up. “Well, Maggie found us Scrabble and Monopoly. What do you want to play?” I asked, placing the two games on the bed next to him.

He looked between the two and smiled. “Can we play monopoly?” “Definitely.” “Dibs on the Race car!” He stated excitedly. “Fine, Only if im banker.” I laughed. His smile became brighter, which I thought was impossible.

We set up the board and started the game.

After an hour or so I look up to see a smug smile on his his face.

At this point Carl had owned a majority of the board, and I was in jail. 

“You are pretty good kid, I’ll give you that.” I smiled. 

He looked at my piece in jail, and laughed.

“You’re back in there?” He kept laughing. “Okay, I have bad luck today.” “You were on a roll.” “I know!” I laughed with him. “Do you want my Get out of jail free card?” ‘When did you get that?” I asked genuinely intrigued. “When I picked up my chance card earlier.” He laughed.

Soon after the room was full of laughter between the two of us. 

“Keep that for yourself, you might need it later.” I smiled. “Okay, don’t cry if I buy the rest of the board.” “Oh so the kids got game.” I play scoffed, causing him to laugh even more. “Okay sheriff, it’s your turn to roll.”

He rolled his eyes as he laughed more.

Picking up the die, he rolled them, getting a double three and moving up six spaces.

“You’re too good at this kid, you’re starting to remind me of Shane.” I chuckled.

I looked up to see a somber expression on his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked putting my hand on his shoulder. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” “What do you mean?”  “We shouldn’t be playing monopoly.” “We can play scrabble instead?”  “No! We shouldn’t be having fun.” He shook his head. “What makes you say that?” “Sophia is still missing. She should be here playing with us.” He sighed, looking down at his hands.

My heart broke for the boy in front of me.

Being the only kid in our group, his friend missing.

I can not even begin to fathom what is going on inside of his mind.

I open my mouth to say something, but I can’t find the words.

He lets out a small sob, places his head in his hands, his shoulders rising and falling with each sob.

I move the portable table aside and sit on the bed, pulling him into a hug, my hand gently rubbing his back.

“Hey, hey, hey... it’s okay.” I tried to calm him down. “It’s not fair! She should be here!” He mumbled against my chest, in between sobs, pulling me closer. “I know it’s not kiddo...” I sighed hugging him tight. “I miss her (Y/n).”  “I know... I do too.” I agreed lightly stroking his hair back. “We will find her right?” He asked pulling back and looking up. “I hope so...” 

He nodded in response and yawned, now rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

“It’s time for you to get some sleep.” I smiled softly as I stood up, tucking the blanket over him as he laid back down. “Thank you for hanging out with me today.” He whispered. “Hey, you’re family now. You don’t need to thank me for hanging out with you.” I smiled pushing his hair out of his face.

 He softly smiled back. As I left the room, I could hear voices talking and laughing from the kitchen. Walking down the hallway, I soon arrive to the kitchen, stopping and leaning against the doorframe. “Well, what’s going on here?” “Do you remember what we spoke about this morning ?” Carol asked.

I nodded. ‘Well, Lori spoke to Patricia, asked if we could use their kitchen to make them a nice meal.” “I take it, that it obviously went well.” I smiled.

“Well, we thought it’d be great.” Beth smiled wide. “In that case, is there any room for an extra pair of hands?” “Hey, there’s always room for you.” Carol chuckled. I entered the kitchen and stood at the sink, next to Lori who was washing some potatoes under the running water. I smiled as I looked at the others, Carol wiping the dishes, Beth and Patricia at the table in the centre of the room, chatting. i grabbed the already washed potatoes and started to peel them. “Potatoes are the best.” I exclaimed. “Seriously, Potatoes could have been used as currency hundreds of years ago!” I laughed.

“Oh yeah? I never thought I'd be so happy to see a potato. I'm just glad we're not roasting squirrels over a fire in the woods.” Lori chuckled. “Thank you, Patricia, so much for letting us into your home.” She finished.

Patricia looked up from her spot at the table and smiled.

As Lori washed the potatoes I peeled them and cut them up for boiling.

We had put a ham into the oven to cook, and stringed beans on the stove ready to boil. Carol decided to wash the dishes as we went along. The next half an hour as we prepared the meal were just full of laughs as we joked and talked to one another.

When I finished the potatoes I walked over and helped Carol with the dishes. I kept my gaze outside of the window.

“Go.”

My head snapped to the right. “What?” “I said go.” “Why?” I chuckled softly wiping the plate in my hand down, and placing it on the counter.

“(Y/n). We have this covered.” Carol smiled. “Carol-“ I was cut off. “Is right. Go. See if he is back yet.”

I turned my head and looked at Lori. Who waved her hands in a shoo motion. I looked around the room to see all of the girls smiling at me. “Are you guys sure?” “Just go.” They all said in unison.

“Okay, okay.” I put my hands up in surrender as Lori lightly snatched the tea towel out of my hand and playfully hitting me with it. I lightly squealed as I jumped away from her.

As I got to the entrance way of the kitchen I look back to see the girls all smiling and giggling again. I smile as I see the normalcy of it, that we all so desperately need. It was Shanes birthday party, all of the men and the boys were outside on the grill, while all of the women were inside making snacks and refreshments. “Pumpkin! Where is my little Pumpkin?” Echoed throughout the house. I giggle softly from my little hiding spot.

“Surely, my little pumpkin isn’t hiding from me!” The same voice called out, legs walking in front of the small end table.

I put my hand over my mouth so she couldn’t hear me. The legs stopped directly in front of the table. “Marie, I can’t find pumpkin anywhere!” I heard my mothers laugh from the kitchen. “She will come out sooner or later Jean!” She called back.

Grandma Jean sighed and turned away slightly and walked towards the kitchen. “Its such a shame. I dont know who can be my taste tester.” She dramatically sighed.

I moved the dangling laced cloth from in front of my eyes and poked my head out from my cover. The coast was clear, so I made my move.

I quietly crept out of my hiding spot, making sure wasn’t seen. My little feet carried me to the kitchen to see mom with all of my aunts and my grandmothers. Aunty Tania, Aunty Ruth and Aunty Sarah were standing along side one another with their ice cold lemonade that Grandma Jean had made. Grandma Paula and her partner Sophia, or Grandma Sophia as we called her, were cutting all different types of sandwiches into triangles and taking the trays outside as mom and Grandma Jean were rolling out cookie dough and making her special ’Triple chocolate, white fudge swirl cookies’ that made her a family favourite on both her side of the family and on moms side of the family.

I watched in awe as the seven women laughed and joked and smiled at one another’s stories and tales.

“Hey Ma, Your pumpkin is in the foyer.” My Auntie Sarah stated as she noticed my presence, exhaling the smoke from her cigarette out of the side window. “I told you that she would come out soon Jean.” Mom jested as Grandma Jean swatted her away. I smiled lovingly at the memory, completely turning to the front door.

As I opened the door, the first thing I see was Dale and Andrea talking to each other.

Dale on the ground looking up at her as she kept watch. Dale had said something else before entering the RV. I smiled, knowing that slowly the two were going to make amends. I start to descend the stairs. “Walker! Walker!” She yelled out, causing the rest of our group to run and grab their melee weaponry. Shane was carrying a short handled hoe/pickaxe. “Best let us handle this!” I heard Shane call out. The guys all ran towards the walker, all but Dale who tried to get Andrea to lower the gun. My stomach was churning, as though something bad was going to happen. “Andrea, don’t shoot, let them handle it.” Dale had half climbed the ladder trying to stop Andrea, as she lined up the shot. “Dale, give me those binoculars please.”

He handed them to me. Looking through the binoculars I see the others in front of the walker. Searching I notice that it isn’t a walker, its Daryl, he looks like one, with Rick pointing a gun to his head. After a second he lowers the gun.

I smile and lower the binoculars. I look up to Dale and Andrea. “Guys, it’s-“ I was cut off by a loud echo, my eardrums ringing from the intruding sound. My heart feels like it’s stopped, everything was in slow motion. I look over the field and see Daryl drop. Tears fill the brim of my eyes. “No, no no no no.” I muttered. I threw the binoculars to the ground and took off in a sprint. “(Y/N)!” Dale called out. I ignored everything, I fought the pain in my chest as I pushed harder and faster to get to him. There was a broken fence ahead, so I sprint toward it and vault myself over it stumbling as I landed, but pushing myself to get back up and get to Daryl.

My cheeks felt cold as the wind harshly blew against the tear soaked skin. “Daryl!” I called as I got closer to the group, watching as Shane and Rick lifted him up.

I started to slow down, the closer I got. “Is he okay? Is he breathing?” I asked frantically as I grabbed his face in-between my hands and searched it for a bullet hole, seeing a harsh line on his scalp on the left side. I could hear footsteps behind me. “oh my god. Oh my god, is he dead?” Andrea asked. “Unconscious. You just grazed him.” “Oh thank god. Im so relieved.” I scoff and push past her.

“Whats that about?” She scoffed. “Andrea, just leave it.” Shane called as we kept walking.

“No Shane, im not going to leave it.” She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. “You could’ve killed him.” I sneered. “What?” “Daryl. You could’ve killed him.” “I didn’t though, I missed.” “You only just missed Andrea! I told you not to shoot! And you didn’t listen.” I snapped.

“(Y/n)-“ she started to talk. “I don’t want to hear it.” I held my hands up and backed away, shaking my head as I turned around.

Behind me, I could hear T-dog start to speak up. “Guys…”

I continued to follow Rick and Shane, not wanting to leave Daryl’s side.

“Guys….” He spoke louder. We all stopped and turned. My eyes landing on the small doll in his hand. “Isn’t this Sophia’s?” He asked, holding it slightly higher in the air. I look at the doll and more tears brimmed my eyes.

Daryl finding Sophia’s doll, meant that we are closer to finding her than we have been before. My head snapped back towards where Daryl was hung between Rick and Shane, after hearing a small groan.

“Lets get him back, get checked out by Hershel, then we can ask him about the doll.” Rick stated as they turned back toward the farm house.

I kept on their heel as we got closer and closer to the house. I looked up and noticed everyone standing outside in front of the house. “What happened?” Hershel asked as soon as we were in earshot. “He was shot, it was an accident.” Rick said glancing at Andrea. “Get him inside. I’ll take care of the wounds.” Hershel nodded. I felt someone pull me into their arms and into a hug, which I return. “He will be okay.” Lori spoke. “I know.” I nodded, slowly stepping back. “Im just going to uh-“ I paused. “Just going to go in and wait.” “I’ll come with you.” She stated, walking behind me.

We followed the others inside, and sat against the wall across from the room the guys were in. I sat my knee’s against my chest and laid my head against them. I felt a hand run across my shoulders and sighed as I turned my head and looked at Lori. “Everything will be okay.” Lori paused. She nodded her head.

“Just you see, everything will be okay.” She sighed.

Series Masterlist Next Part

[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333

[embeanwrites]

Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Chapter 23

Masterlist

It took Gavin and me a total of 30 minutes to get dressed and head to the hospital my dad was at. I tried calling Connor in the car, but he didn’t answer, which caused me to worry even more.

Gavin was driving and he had one hand firmly on my leg that kept bouncing up and down. How did this happen? I kept asking myself as I stared out the window. I thought he was taking care of himself more. Why did this have to happen now? Right when things were getting better between us. Gavin pulled up to the hospital and stopped the car at the emergency room front doors.  

“Go find Connor. I’ll park and catch up.” I nodded and jumped out of the car, practically running into the hospital. I followed the signs for the surgery waiting room. I looked through the door window and saw Connor sitting in a chair with his eyes forward. When I pushed the door open he quickly looked over and got up. I ran to him and hugged him tightly, trying not to cry. He held me equally as tight.  

“What happened?” My voice was raspy, while my mind was racing the rest of my body was still trying to wake up.

“He got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and I heard the glass drop from my room. I called the ambulance right away. They’re performing an atherectomy right now.” He pulled out of the hug and I reluctantly let go of him.

“Have…” I paused trying to stop myself from crying. “Have the doctors given you any updates?” I heard the door open again and in a second Gavin’s arms were around me. I grabbed his hands and held them tightly, welcoming the warmth and comfort. I noticed my hands were shaking, so I gripped his hands tighter in an attempt to steady them.  

“No, nothing yet. I have only been here for an hour. The surgery takes about two and recovery is about three hours, but that’s according to averages. I don’t know if it will be shorter or longer.” I nodded. “I didn’t mean to make you rush here. Humans need sleep, (Y/n). You can go home and I can call you the moment I get any update.” Connor said softly, I quickly shook my head.

“No, I’m staying here with you.” He started to argue. “Connor, I’m not budging on this.” I untangled myself from Gavin and turned to look at him. I gently took my hands and cupped his cheeks, running my thumbs across his stubble. “Gavin, you have work in a couple of hours, you should go home and get some rest.”

“I’m staying with you for as long as I can. I’ve run on less sleep before.” He put his hands over mine and gently pulled them down. He squeezed my hands and I nodded, grateful he was willing to stay. Connor sat back down and I sat next to him. I grabbed both of their hands and held them.

I woke up still in the waiting room. I must have fallen asleep at some point. Groaning, I sat up and wiped my mouth. I looked over at Connor.

“Oh my god, Connor. I’m so sorry I drooled on you. You should’ve woken me up.” I looked over to my left where Gavin had been.

“He had to get to the precinct. We both decided it would be best not to wake you.” I nodded and yawned. “There have been no updates, but I expect we will hear something soon.” I laid my head back on Connor’s shoulder.

“Are you scared?” I asked softly.

“The surgery has a high survival rate and the ambulance got to the house in under five minutes. Despite those reassuring facts, I still find myself worried.” Connor whispered. I noticed his LED for the first time since arriving. It was red.

“He’s strong, survived a lot. This won’t be any different.” I tried to reassure him, but I knew he could tell I was equally worried.

Another half-hour passed before a doctor finally came to talk to us. Both us stood up and met him halfway. I had my arm wrapped around Connor’s to keep myself from shaking too much.

“Ma’am, are you a part of the Anderson family?”

“Yes, we’re both his kids,” I answered quickly, the doctor gave Connor’s LED a quick glance, but decided not to say anything.

“He got here just in time. The surgery took longer than expected, but there were no major complications. He’s in recovery now.”

“Can we see him?” I asked.

“He’s resting right now. He’ll be in recovery for a couple of hours and then he’ll be moved to an inpatient room. I can have one of the nurses come to get you when he’s been moved.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Connor said. He gave us a tightlipped smile and walked away. We both sat back down. I felt exhausted but relieved. “Maybe you should go home and get some rest.” I shook my head and pulled out my phone.

“No, I’m not leaving.” I went to my email and sent my students an email.

Hi everyone,

Due to a family emergency, we will not be meeting in person on Tuesday. Instead, I am going to post a movie, and then on Thursday, we will discuss how the themes of the movie apply to what we are learning. Don’t worry, the film’s target audience was kids so we should have no problem discussing it. If you’d like to get ahead the film is “The Iron Giant.”

I will see you all on Thursday,

Dr. (L/n)

I decided to send Gavin an update text while I was on my phone.

Dad’s in recovery, the surgery went well. We’ll be able to see him in a couple of hours.

thats good. how r u feeling

Tired and worried. I canceled my class on Tuesday.

im going to talk to fowler, see if i can get time off

You don’t have to.

i know

on a case, ill stop by on my lunch break text me the rm #

Okay, stay safe

I took a deep breath and looked at Connor, his LED was still red.

“Have you told Fowler?” Connor remained to look forward.

“Yes, I alerted him last night. He put us both on leave so I can stay with Hank while he recovers. Nines has also offered to help cover our cases.” I nodded.

“I'll be there for him too, you don’t have to do this alone. My class is only two days a week and I can do my research from home.”

“I appreciate that, (Y/n).” Connor gently reached over and held my hand, I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand, hoping to show him that he’s truly not alone in this.

We both sat in silence waiting for the nurse to come get us. After what felt like 10 hours she finally came over and led us to his room.

It was weird seeing dad in a hospital bed. It reminded me of my mom. When she was sick I got so desensitized to hospitals. We were in and out so often that it almost became a second home, a lot of the nurses even knew my name and kept up with my life. However, being here now makes it feel like the first time all over again. I hadn’t realized I had still been holding Connor’s hand until he gave me a light squeeze. Dad looked to be waking up.

“Hey Dad,” I said softly, letting go of Connor’s hand to sit in one of the chairs near him. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Hey kids,” Dad said hoarsely. “Sorry for scaring you two.” I shook my head back and forth quickly, afraid if I tried talking I would start crying again. I looked up at Connor who took the seat across from me.

“We’re just glad you’re okay, Hank,” Connor said softly.

“Connor, I think we’re pass you calling me Hank.”

“We’re just glad you’re okay...dad.” The three of us smiled and my dad gave a light chuckle.

I’ve been staying at the house for about two weeks now. I had only seen Gavin briefly on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he would stop by my office on his lunch break to check in on me. I can tell that everyone around me was walking on eggshells, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I felt as if I was coasting and I couldn’t seem to break out. Gavin was being extremely understanding of this whole situation. He’d even sent flowers to my office and some flowers to my dad. He also sent a bottle of whiskey that Connor immediately confiscated.

Connor ended up giving up his “room” so I could sleep there while I was helping him with dad. I tried to talk him out of it, but all he really used it for was to store clothes since he didn’t need sleep. He didn’t mind going into stasis on the couch. Connor seemed grateful that I stayed around to relieve some of the burden, besides it was nice being able to spend time with just Connor. I also think dad appreciated me being here to stop Connor from going crazy about his health and what he was eating. I did agree to an extent, but blanched chicken breast with no seasoning, not even a little bit of salt, is crazy.  

Connor and I were sitting on the couch watching some forensics show, that Connor enjoyed picking apart, while dad was resting in the other room. He seemed to be doing a lot better, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my apartment except to get clean clothes.

do u wanna come over tonight? connor can handle taking care of ur dad for one night

I don’t know, I have a phone interview tomorrow for my research.

tomorrows saturday

I know, but I’m interviewing Chris and that’s his day off.

u can do a phone interview from my house tho

i know u dont want to leave him yet but its one night and u need a break

ask connor he agrees with me

I bit my lip and looked up at Connor. His brows were furrowed as he rolled his eyes at something the “detective” said on tv. I kicked him softly with my foot to get his attention.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked tentatively. Connor gave me a gentle look and a small smile. He turned towards me and folded his hands in his lap.

“I think a break is healthy, (Y/n). You only leave the house to go to your class and office hours. I can handle things here. Plus I’m sure you miss Gavin and he misses you.” He said softly. I groaned.

“I don’t like you and Gavin planning things behind my back.” He smiled.

“It’s for your own good. Just go out for one night and come back tomorrow, even if you two decide to just hang out at Gavin’s home. You need to take a break.”

“Just one night,” I whispered looking at my phone.

Pick me up in 30 minutes?

got it pipsqueak. nines is coming over too, something about not wanting to stay at the precinct all night again. is that ok?

Of course!

Some part of me did agree with Connor and Gavin. I was antsy in the house, but I was still worried about not being there when I’m needed. What if something else happened to dad while I was gone? What if Connor needed help and I wasn’t able to get back in time?

“You’re biting your thumb, (Y/n).” Connor’s voice broke through my thoughts and I moved my hand away from my mouth. Connor had begun calling me out whenever I was becoming overly anxious, which was both sweet and annoying.

“Sorry, nerves.” I gave him a wobbly smile.

“He will be fine. I know you’re worried, but I promise I will contact you the moment I fear something may be wrong. He’s been doing really well, it won’t be long until he’s cleared to return to work for desk duty.” Connor put his hand on my shoulder and I nodded.

“I know you’re right. It’s just hard sometimes to turn off that part of my brain.” I gave a nervous chuckle and he nodded his head.

“You should pack a bag, I’m assuming Gavin will be here soon?” I laughed.

“Wow, you sure are in a rush to get rid of me!” Connor rolled his eyes and shook his head. I stood up and stretched.

“Self-care is important, (Y/n).” I waved him off as I headed towards Connor’s room. Grabbing my backpack I filled it with some clothes, a laptop, and my phone charger. I sat down on the bed and fiddled with my bag. The room was just as bare as last time. Once dad was better I wanted to take Connor shopping so he could make the room more his. It would be interesting to see what he would pick out.

Snapping out of my thoughts I put on my backpack and walked back to where Connor was watching tv. I knelt down and started petting Sumo. He was lazing on top of Connor’s feet. I looked up at Connor, he was still entranced by the tv.

“Hey, Con?” I heard him hum. “Once things calm down do you want to go shopping for some decorations for your room? To make it more...you.” He glanced down at me with a small smile.

“I think that could be fun.” I smiled back at him. Things between us felt so natural as a brother and sister duo. Sometimes it felt like we grew up together, I guess for Connor’s case that wasn’t too far apart since he’s only been around for about a year.

“What kind of things do you like? Like what would you want in your room?” His brows furrowed for a moment, but it quickly turned into a smile.

“I would like a lava lamp.” I laughed abruptly, causing Sumo to jump a bit.

“A lava lamp? Connor why?” I said in between laughs, where had he even seen a lava lamp? His face flushed a light blue.

“They look cool. One of the characters in this show has one.” He responded sheepishly. I shook my head and let out another laugh.

“You are the biggest dork I’ve ever met.”

“You’re the one showing her students old movies because she thinks they’re underappreciated.” He teased back.

“Wow, look at you! You’re learning how not to be so uptight all the time.” He frowned.

“I’m better than Nines!” Connor crossed his arms across his chest and huffed in defiance.

“Well, you have had more time as a deviant than him. I’m sure he’ll pass you at some point.” Before Connor could respond my phone went off. “Ah, Gavin’s here. Are you sure you’ll be okay for the night? It’s not too late for me to cancel.” Connor’s expressions soften.

“Everything will be fine. I promise” I nodded and got up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, text me updates?” I nervously fidgeted with the front door handle.

“Of course, (Y/n).” He gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and walked to Gavin’s car. Nines was already moving to the backseat, I briefly wondered if he had decided to do that on his own or if Gavin had asked him. Gavin smiled and waved at me. It really had been a while since we’ve relaxed together. I smiled back and got into the car.

“Hey, pipsqueak.” Gavin greeted me, leaning over to give me a kiss on the check.

“Hi Gavin, hi Nines.”

“Hello (Y/n). Thank you for letting me spend some time with you two. I appreciate the break from the precinct.” I nodded, as Gavin started driving.

“Do you always stay at the precinct?” I asked, turning around to look at him. He was sitting up straight with his hands in his lap. As always he looked overly formal.

“Yes, there has been an android apartment complex go up and I have been thinking about getting an apartment there, but as of right now I am perfectly content at the precinct.”

“Except tonight.” I teased, for a brief second his LED flashed yellow and then back to a calm blue.

“If I’m honest I also wanted to check up on you and make sure you’ve been taking care of yourself.” I groaned and closed my eyes.

“Great now I have two overbearing androids worrying about me.” Gavin let out a small chuckle.

“Would you really want it any other way?” Gavin asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“No, I wouldn’t,” I responded softly.

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

Matter of National Emergency- Liam x MC

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Summary: Liam and Riley are in Isolation in Valtoria...and one of them may succumbed to the almightly Tik Tok! <-- can you tell im bored? 

Word Count: 1,667

Masterlist

 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance! 

Tags aren’t working so I will be tagging in the comments.

Liam sighed as he entered his and rileys quarters at Valtoria, shutting the door behind him. It was just hitting seven o’clock when he returned from his last meeting. Liam and Riley loved coming to stay at Valtoria, it felt more like a home than the palace did, after they got married they stayed at the palace whilst they had some renovations at Valtoria done, they had the royal quarters basically  turned into a reasonable sized apartment.

“hey, how was your meeting?” Riley called from the en-suite, she was just coming out as Liam had walked into the bedroom, she made her way over to him, moving to her tiptoes to press a kiss against his lips.

“it was…stressful” He sighed as he placed his hands on her lower back, nuzzling his head into her shoulder

“so…what happened? What’s the decision?”

“Lockdown, as I assumed would be the result, people aren’t listening to how serious this is, they don’t understand that the more they go out, the more people are going to catch this thing and more people are going to die from it,  it’s really the only solution if people aren’t going to listen”

“I understand, so when are you announcing it”

“this evening, I’m going to shower and change then head to my office. ive sent everyone home, Bastian insists he is staying in Valtoria with us, so it’s just me, you and Bastian, he is currently setting up the camera for the live feed”

Once he showered, he dressed in a crisp white shirt and black dress pants with a blazer.

“I won’t be long my love” Liam smiled as he kissed Riley then headed out for his office.

Once Liam reached the conference room, he greeted Bastian then sat himself down at his desk across from the big camera sitting in front of the desk.

“is everything set up?”

“yes, your Majesty, you go live in just under a minute, your statement is written out for you, just in case you need it”

“thank you, Bastian,”

“alright, you go live in 10 seconds” Bastian informed him from behind the camera.

Liam quickly fixed his collar then straightened up. as soon as he seen the light change on the camera he began.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of Cordonia. This is an Emergency announcement from your King. As you all know the corona virus is sweeping the nation. last week I gave the orders to self-isolate if you are a vulnerable person, and many people did, but not all, a few days ago, I gave orders to shut all non-essential business’ and to stay home where possible but again not all listened so as your King, as your leader, I have decided that the best course of action is to go into lockdown, you must know, I hate that I have to do this but if people aren’t going to take this seriously then more people will become infected and more people will die. I am going to lay down some rules that every person in Cordonia MUST follow until further notice. Number one…you must only leave your homes if absolutely necessary, this means, if you need supplies such as food, essentials that you most definitely cannot live without! Number two, you may leave your homes for exercise, once a day for one hour! if you need medications, I have organised for all medications to be delivered to homes, if you need to see a doctor…call the helpline that is on the screen right now, you will speak to qualified nurses, if the nurse decides you should be seen in person, you will then be allowed to leave your home and attend a doctors surgery or hospital. All in all this means you should only be leaving your homes if absolutely necessary The sooner the public follow these rules, the sooner this will start to go away, I don’t want to see groups of kids walking around outside, meeting up with their friends, I don’t want to see people joining in groups for any reason what so ever. Queen Riley and myself are self-isolating along with you, we know it’s going to be hard, sitting in your homes, not able to go outside, when it’s lovely and warm or going to see your friends, but spend this time wisely, be with your family’s, spend time with your husbands, your wives, your children and your parents, time that you wouldn’t be able to spend with them if you were out working or at school, we have seen what this virus has done to other countries, please don’t let this vile virus take control, I wish you all the best, stay healthy.”

Once Liam finished, he bid Bastian goodnight then headed back to his and Riley's quarters. Once he entered, he shut the door behind him, making his way towards the kitchen where Riley was getting herself some water. Liam walked in, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

“hey, I was thinking we could go to bed and put a movie on?” she smiled sympathetically as she seen how tired he was.

“you know I think that’s the best idea ive heard all week” he smiled

The two made their way to the bedroom, they done their usual night-time routines of washing their faces, brushing their teeth and such then the two took themselves to bed. it didn’t take long before the two of them were out cold.

Liam woke to a giggle coming from beside him, he opened one of his eyes just enough to see the time on the alarm clock on his bedside table. 3:00 am. He groaned as he turned over to be blinded by the light from Riley's phone.

“what are you laughing at? Its 2am Riley.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep” she laughed as she carried on watching the video on her phone.

“are going to sleep at all tonight?”

“yeah I’m just putting it down.” Riley pressed the screen off then placed the phone on her bedside table then shuffled over to Liam, she yawned as she cuddled into his chest causing him to instinctively wrap his arms around her. “I’m sorry I woke you up” she whispered before placing a kiss to his skin.

“It’s alright, sweetie” he placed a kiss on top of her head before the two fell into a deep slumber

The next morning Liam awoke to an empty bed, he frowned at the empty space that his wife should have been in, she had no reason so be up this early as the country was currently on lockdown, they had no meetings or obligations, they would have the odd conference call but that was it. He stretched as he removed the duvet and climbed from the bed, pulling a pair of lounge pants on before heading towards out of the bedroom.

“Riley sweetie?” he called when he didn’t see her in the living room.

“I’m in the kitchen”

“Morning beautiful what are you doing up?” Liam asked as he made his way to her wrapping his arms around her from behind as she finished fixing the mugs of tea she was making.

“I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep, I hardly slept a wink all night.”

“oh really?” he asked as he nuzzled his head into the crook of Riley's neck.

“yeah, hey I’m sorry I woke you up this morning, I feel awful.” She sighed as she passed him one of the mugs of tea

“I told you this morning and I’ll tell you again now, it’s fine, don’t worry about it” he replied as he gently pressed a kiss to her lips. “I love you” he added

“I love You too” she smirked, the two made their way into the living room where they curled up on the sofa whilst catching up with the morning news on the television.

“I don’t know who pissed 2020 off but whoever was I hope karma comes around and kicks them in the ass!”

“I’ll toast to that!” Liam chuckled as he tapped his mug against Riley's.

“hey…I heard a joke on tiktok last night, when I couldn’t sleep oh my goodness…what was it again?” Riley went quiet for a minute then started laughing “oh god that was it…”

Liam smirked at how funny she found the joke; he sipped his tea as she went on to tell him.

“so little johnny’s sitting in class and the teacher says she has a math problem for him, she says, if there’s 5 birds sitting on a wire and little johnny shoots one how many’s left? So little johnny says none, the teacher says no, the answers four and johnny says no, the answers none ‘coz If I shot one the rest would fly away, the teacher says, I like the way you think.”

Liam looked at Riley confused but laughing at Riley trying to get her words out in between laughing.

“okay…” he smirked

“little johnny says, I got a question for you, if there’s three women sitting in a store eating ice cream cones and one of them is licking it, one of the is sucking it and the other is biting it, which ones married…so the th-the teacher HAHA the teacher hesitantly replies, well I guess the one sucking it and little johnny…oh my god…” just as Liam took a drink of his tea Riley finished the joke, “little johnny goes no, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.”

Liam spat his tea out as he went to laugh, he chuckled as he wiped his chin where his tea ended up.

“is that why you were laughing this morning?”

“yeah” she chuckled

“that’s hilarious”

“what times your conference call?” Riley asked him

“1pm”

“okay, do you want to have lunch out on the balcony before your meeting, it’s supposed to be really nice out today”

“I would love to”

By the time half 12 hit Liam and Riley had just finished their lunch and were sitting outside on the balcony, just getting some fresh air.

“y’know even though the reason the countries on lock down is bad, I’m so happy we get to spend some time together and it’s not rushed or last minute, we can just sit and be together” Liam smiled as he took Riley's hand across the table.

“I totally get it, the reason behind it is bad, but the time we’re gonna get to spend together is a blessing and we can’t take it for granted.”

When it was time for Liam to go, they both headed inside, he placed a gentle kiss on Riley's lips then headed down to his office, whilst Liam was at his conference call Riley curled up on the sofa scrolling through her phone.

It was just a short 45 minutes later that Liam returned to the apartment, Riley had fallen asleep on the sofa, with Bash, their protective corgi, curled up sleeping at her feet. Liam decided to get some paperwork out of the way whilst, Riley was sleeping.

It was just after 5 when Riley woke, she heard Liam in the kitchen, so she got up and made her way to him. when she walked in her was stood boiling the kettle to make some tea. Riley approached him from behind wrapping her arms around his torso and cuddling into his back.

“I love you Liam” she whispered tiredly

“I love you too” he smiled as he turned into her hold, placing a kiss on her lips. “do you want a cup of tea?”

“that would be great” she smiled

“did you sleep well?”

“I did! Better than last night anyway”

Once Liam made the tea, he passed Riley one of the mugs then the two sat at the kitchen table with them.

“I found another funny tik tok” Riley grinned

“alright, hit me with it” Liam smirked

“so…there’s a family with a little boy, driving behind a trash truck on the highway, suddenly a vibrator flies out and hits their windshield. To try and save their sons innocence the woman goes, oh that was a huge bug! And the little boy goes, damn mom how does a bug fly with a dick that big!”

Liam nearly choked on his drink; he slapped his hand on the table as he threw his head back laughing. “damn, who do you even follow on this thing” he laughed

 Riley climbed out of the shower, wrapping her towel around her, she dried herself off just as she went to lift the nightgown she had brought into the bathroom with her, she remembered she seen a trend of people walking out in front of their wife or husband naked to see what their reactions would be on tik tok, now of course, she wouldn’t be filming it but she knew it would be a lot of fun for the two of them, she smirked knowing what it will result in after Liam sees her. she walked out of the bathroom with her towel around her, she walked out of the bedroom and stood on the other side of the living room, Liam was sitting on the sofa with his back to her just about to finish up his call. Riley smirked as she unwrapped her towel, she slowly walked over towards the kitchen throwing the towel at Liam as she walked causing him to turn around. She smirked as she seen his face go from confused at the towel to his jaw dropping and nearly hitting the floor “damn baby” he mouthed as he watched her bare behind walking into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water to quench her thirst then as she turned around she seen Liam leaning over the end of the sofa so that he could see into the kitchen, Riley smirked with a wink as she headed into the room, swaying her hips as she walked past him, Liam stuck his arm out to stop her from going any further, he wrapped his arm around her legs gently pulling her closer to the sofa, he ran his hand up and down her leg.

“i-im…I’m sorry…I have to cut our conversation short” he quickly spoke into the phone. “I know but…it’s a matter of national emergency” he replied as he stood from the sofa, eyeing Riley's chest.

“ok…goodbye” he hung up then flung his phone onto the sofa with a grin on his face.

“are you ready?” he asked putting his hands on her waist as he leaned his head down, placing kisses along her jaw.

“ready for what, baby?” she sighed contently as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“for the wildest night of your life” he smirked as he reached down, hooking his arms at the back of her legs as he lifted her over his shoulder, receiving a happy squeal from her. He gently slapped her backside as he made his way to the bedroom with her.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Falling (part 2)

 Part 1: https://anythingandeverything1d.tumblr.com/post/615981743290400768/falling

You looked at your watch, the concert was in a few hours and you instantly ran upstairs to get ready, fighting back the logic your brain warned you about and following your heart. You tore your closet open looking for the perfect outfit, but for what occasion. For the first time in months you softly smiled and let yourself think about the possibility of Harry. The nights that you missed so much, his soft hair in your fingers, his dimples, the way he kissed you, the way he laughed and told horrible jokes, all of it. “Ughhh” you moaned leaning back against the wall. “What am I getting myself into?”

30 minutes later and you had thrown almost every article of clothing you owned onto your bedroom floor. You had decided on black skinny jeans, a white crop top, and your hair had been thrown into a half bun (one of Harry’s favorite looks on you) “ugh what have I actually become” you mumbled to yourself while putting on some hot pink lip gloss and grabbing your jacket off the door. You grabbed the envelope with the tickets and opened the door revealing your friend. She looked you up and down with a suspicious glance. 

“Where are you going?”

“Uhh nowhere...”

“Nowhere?”

“Yep, I better get going..” She grabbed your wrist and stopped you. “You're going nowhere looking like that? Really? You expect me to believe that...” You glanced at the envelope quickly and nodded trying to continue out the door. “Whats this?” She took the envelope from your hand and peered inside. “Oh my god. You are not. Theres no way you are going to Harry’s concert..”

“I need to. Okay. I need to know. I need closure.” You ranted on a quick explanation of seeing him at the gas station and the note on the back of the ticket and sighed. “You don't understand...I need to go. I need to move on.”

“Fine then we are going together. There’s no way Im letting you make a stupid rash decision when he bats those eyes and smiles at you. Nope. If you're doing this, we are doing it together.” And with that you smiled, grabbed her hand and pulled her to the car. 

Harry’s POV:

Harry was pacing the dressing room. His mind was moving a million miles a minute but yet everything was focused on one thing. You. He was sweating, so nervous about what the night would bring. He had specifically chosen the pink suit you had picked out for him so long ago. Paired with the black button down he wore on your first date. He picked the outfit specifically for you tonight and he hoped it would work. Of course he hadn’t ever stopped thinking of you, but seeing you at the gas station had sealed the deal. He needed you back in his life. Even as a friend. He knew he had screwed up. It had only been a few months without you but he was crumbling slowly. He was the one who fucked everything up. He hadn’t been present in the relationship for a while. He had dragged you along for the journey. He would leave and not call or text. And then there was Sarah. He never wanted to cheat but after drinking too much it had happened and of course you had been there to see it happen. Sarah was great and Harry had flirted for a while...but there wasn’t a spark. There wasn't anything that was there when you were in his life. He knew the moment you said goodbye that he had ruined the best thing in his life. He got lucky his show was in town tonight and even more lucky that you still lived in the same apartment complex. He left the tickets and passes but had no idea if you would even show up. He just prayed. “Please (y/n)...please come...I need you..” he mumbled with his head down.

“What?” Mitch asked walking in.

“Nothing.” Harry said looking up. 

“Well 20 minutes till showtime.” 

“Okay. Hey is there anyone backstage looking for me or anyone using a backstage pass left in my name?” Harry asked anxiously.

“No. Not that I know of anyone. Who are you expecting Styles..a girl?” He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed as Clare, Sarah, and Adam walked in.

“Oh what’s going on. What are we teasing Harry about now?” Clare asked.

“A girl.” Mitch answered. 

“Shut up guys.” Harry mumbled looking at Sarah. She had agreed friends was better and he was glad because he felt nothing but that. It was still a little awkward though. “Let’s just go. It’ll be great right? We can do this.”

Your POV:

You and your friend has pushed up to the front where the seats were and you were shaking you were so nervous. Of course everyone acknowledged you as you walked in so it took forever to find your seats but luckily the lights were dimming as you sat down. Smoke rolled off the stage and everyone cheered. You stood up slowly feeling a little light headed. You looked up and he was there. His head down. His pink suit. Hair pushed back in a wave and a small smile in the corner of his mouth. It was too much. You pushed back a few rows to where you were no longer visible and sat down collecting yourself. You just listened to the music. He was amazing. His album was amazing...of course you already knew that because you had listened the moment it was released. He really was a super star. You were proud too because he had waited for this moment for years. 

Towards the end of the concert Harry had begun searching the crowd with his eyes. Scanning row by row until he found you. His green eyes locked on yours. His mouth slight parted and his breathing was heavy from the last song. He curved his mouth up into a smile, his eyes never leaving yours. “There’s a song I’ve been working on. I decided tonight to play it. I hope you all enjoy, Ive worked hard on it.” He nodded to the band behind him and the music started.

“I’m in my bed. And you're not here. And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands. Forget what I said. Its not what I meant. And I can't take it back. I can't unpack the baggage you left.” His eyes never strayed from yours. You knew what was happening. There were a few songs on the album about you, but this was different. Your eyes clouded with tears and you couldn't breathe. “What am I now, What am I now, What if I’m someone I don't want around. I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling.” Harry broke eye contact and looked down. Pouring himself into the words of the songs. You sat on the floor and put your head between your legs trying to breathe. Your friend was rubbing your back. Harry got to the end of the song “What if I’m down? What if I’m out? What if I’m someone you won't talk about? Im falling again, Im falling again, I’m falling.” And with that he bowed and ran off stage. The crowd of people slowly began clearing and you were able to breathe a little better. 

“Want to go home now?” your friend asked still slightly concerned at how pale your face was. You shook your head and stood up, pulling the backstage pass out. You ran to the guard and showed him before following him back. It was only a minute before you saw the pink suit. It stood out in a crowd very easily.

“Harry Edward Styles!” you shout, tears already forming in your eyes. He turns quickly and looks at you slightly stunned, and you continue forward pointing a finger at him. “What the hell was that?” You asked. He looked unsure of what to say. Finally he looked at you and sighed.

“That was my new song. What else would it be?” He sarcastically replied.

You didn’t know what else to say. You just stared at him, your nostrils flaring and his eyes intently watching your every move. Your friend came forward and grabbed your hand. “Come on (y/n), you don't need this.” She gently pulled you towards the door. 

“No.” His hand went out and grabbed your other wrist. “We need to talk.” He looked you in the eyes. “Thats why you're here right? Why else would you come?” His tone was harsh and you had no idea why. You looked at him and then at your friend. Your head was spinning again and you felt like you needed to sit down. You reached for the floor and felt yourself falling . “(y/n)!” Harry’s voice now very concerned shouted. Your eyes fluttered close and you hit the floor. 

Harry’s POV:

Harry didn’t know why he was being mean. He felt angry that you came back just to attack the song he had written about her. That he had poured so much energy and emotion into. When you had looked at him, he saw a slight fear in your eyes. You were scared of him and he didn’t want that. He saw you reach for the floor and your eyes close. He knew this, you were fainting. It was something that had happened a few time in the past. Scared him to death very time. This was no exception. He tried to catch your head and cushion the fall. You had hit the floor and he had immediately pulled you onto his lap and rocked you slowly. “(y/n) wake up...youre okay. Just please open your eyes...” He touched his forehead to yours and breathed slowly.

“This is your fault Styles.” your friend remarked kneeling next to him. “You overwhelmed her. You shouldn’t have even given her tickets. You nearly killed her two months ago. You don't even deserve the chance to speak to her.”

“(y/n)...open your eyes. You’re okay.” Harry ignored your friends comments and hummed softly, his eyes closed and his head against yours. 

Your POV:

Your eyes slowly opened and you heard a low and soft humming. Your head was pounding and you were acutely aware of arms wrapped tightly around you. You looked up and saw anxious green eyes staring into yours. Harry let out a shaky deep breath and moved his head back. You awkwardly climbed out of his arms and attempted to stand. You wobbled a bit and he immediately grabbed on and steadied you. You looked at your friend who was watching Harry very closely. “(y/n) can we please talk...alone.” he mumbled looking at your friend. You nodded your head, earning a sigh of relief from him. You looked at your friend telling her it was okay and let Harry pull you into his dressing room. He sat you on the couch and stood in front of you, running his fingers through his hair. “I don't even know where to start...”

“How about at the part where you left these tickets on my porch..” you grumbled watching him.

“I needed you here. I couldn’t get you out of my head after the gas station. It’s been so long...theres so much I’ve wanted to tell you but I couldn't because you blocked my calls.”

“Yeah because you cheated on me Harry. After 5 years?! You broke everything we had built together. All for some random girl?” You were annoyed but when you looked at him tears were falling down his cheeks and that made you sad. You didn’t want him to be upset. He had taken the jacket off and thrown it on a chair in the corner.

“I know....I know I ruined everything. It wasn't supposed to happen, it was a dumb mistake and I will forever regret it. The minute I saw you...I knew. I knew I had ruined the best thing in my life. There was never anything between me and her it was always just a drunk mistake. When you said goodbye I nearly lost it. I knew I would never love anyone but you. I haven't even looked a girl since that night. You're the only one I ever needed. I am so so so very sorry.I know I can’t take anything back but I need you. I can’t let you go, not again.” Your eyes were tearing up again and he reached up to wipe them away. His fingers rubbed my jaw and he leaned closer. You were suddenly very aware of him, his smell, everything. You leaned closer breathing faster and his lips cautiously met yours. You gave in. You fell against him and his hand pulled you unbearably close. He kissed you in a way that made you drown in him. He made the kiss deeper, adding more force and biting down on your lip. You moaned, opening your lips more allowing his tongue inside of your mouth. You sat up and ran your fingers through his hair, playing with the curls at the base of his neck while he trailed fingers up your back. If you died right now, you would be content. This moment was everything your body had been aching for the past two months. You grabbed the buttons on his shirt and went to pull it off. He pushed you back onto the cushions of the couch, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. “Fuck I missed you (y/n).” He breathed into your ear before biting the soft skin on your neck. Yikes that was going to bruise for sure...

“I missed you too Harry” you managed before turning his head and bringing his lips back to yours. He kissed you like his life depended on it. Like there was nothing else he needed but you. You matched his energy. He had your shirt pulled almost over your head when there was a knock at the door and in walked a girl. She looked familiar..the hair... Harry looked up, his cheeks bright red. You sat up, pulling your shirt down and looking from her to Harry. 

“Sarah.” Harry managed while trying to catch his breath. “Is everything okay?” He looked anxious. 

You looked at her again and it hit you. “Sarah?” You looked at Harry again with pain in your eyes. 

“(y/n)....wait. It’s, It’s not what you think..” He grabbed your hand as you stood up. 

“She’s in your band?” You were crying again. Sarah was uncomfortable and moving towards the door. 

“Im going to go...I’ll catch you later Harry.” she left closing you back in the room with Harry. You turned toward him. 

“Really?” You said again looking at him.

“Like I said before, she was a mistake. I was drunk, she was drunk and that's all there is. There is absolutely nothing between us. I swear.” He stood up and walked towards you again. “(y/n), love, theres nothing between me and her. Its strictly work related.”

“Did you kiss her after we broke up? Did the two of you...” You asked staring at him. 

He looked down and shifted uncomfortably, giving you your answer. You wanted an answer though. “Harry. Did. You. Have. Sex. With. Her.”

“She kissed me...we...we just.... The next morning. But I swear I broke it off after that. I told her the truth. There was no feeling. There was nothing. You're all I could think of. I promise on my mums life there is nothing between us. There never will be.” Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you into his arms. He held you while you cried, rubbing your back. 

“I can't do this right now Harry. I really can’t. I...I need to go.” You pushed him away and walked to the door. Turning one last time you looked at him, his eyes shining with tears and you left. 

---------------

What do you guys think?? Part 3?? Let me know! xoxo

[audreyxmoon]

she’s the one

A little story I’m working on, you are Agent Monroe, and you think you might be catching feelings for a particular Doctor in the BAU.

A bit of a slow burner, part 1.

TW: Fluff, CM case talk, violence (in future chapters), and NOT cannon to the CM universe

I'd been working at Interpol for around two years, and just as I was about to get comfy, preparing for my first long term undercover mission, my boss Agent Perkins decided they needed me at the BAU, so a week later I walked into the open plan bullpen holding a cardboard box with my things. I stumbled down the short set of stairs trying not to drop the heavy box when a man approached me taking the box from my hands and tucking it easily under a toned bicep. 'You must be Agent Monroe?' He asked.

'Yeah!' I said brightly.

'I'm Agent Morgan.' He said with a cheeky grin. 'I'll introduce you to the team.' He lead me over the the group of desks in the centre of the room, dropping my box on the only empty one. Sitting at the desk beside mine was a woman with long dark hair, she was scribbling in a case file. I assumed the desk on the other side was Agent Morgan’s. Across from my desk a lanky guy sat in a swivel chair staring at me as he fiddled with a pen in his long fingers. I smiled raising my eyebrows and he quickly looked away, and I could see that he was blushing. At the desk beside the lanky guy's was another woman with blonde hair, she was talking furiously into a phone. Before Morgan could say anything Agent Hotchner beckoned me into his office up the stairs, and I quickly complied. 'Hello again Agent Hotchner.' I said politely.

'Nice to see you Agent Monroe.' Agent Hotchner began before reeling off a list of rules. He and Agent Rossi had picked me out of high school to work undercover for Interpol so I was used to his no-nonsense ways. 'And Hotch is fine.' His eyes sparkled with the closest resemblance of smile his stony face could muster before opening the door for me. 'Get to know the team a bit.' He ushered me out of his office so I was out on the landing. The huddle that had formed around Agent Morgans desk looked over at me guiltily and unceremoniously dispersed. 'For profilers they're not very inconspicuous.' Agent Rossi mused from behind me, making me smirk before entering Hotch's office. I walked down the stairs before I was intercepted by the blonde and the brunette. 'Hi, I'm JJ.' The blonde said with a grin.

'I'm Prentiss.' The brunette followed.

'As in, Emily Prentiss?' I asked surprised.

'Yeah, I heard you're from Interpol?' Prentiss replied.

'Yeah.'

'Is Perkin's still a hardass?' Prentiss asked.

'Yeah.'

We both laughed, as JJ lead us back to the desks. 'Agent Monroe these are Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid.'

Dr Reid was the lanky one, and he waved with a small smile that made me instinctively smile back.  'You can just call me Aud. Everyone does.'

'Okay Aud. Where are you from?' Morgan asked.

'I'm from a lot of places but my mum's Korean and my dad's white. I've lived virtually everywhere though.'

'You have a seemingly Australian accent which makes you part of the point zero, zero, zero three percent of the American population that have migrated from Australia.' Dr Reid randomly spouted.

I blinked. 'Do you just... have that information in your head.'

'He has an eidetic memory.' Morgan said rolling his eyes. 'Basically, he's a walking encyclopaedia.'

Dr Reid looked down bashfully, a half smirk on his face that made the pit of my stomach feel weird. I tried to settle the feeling by making myself a coffee in the small kitchenette, also because I hadn't been assigned anything to do yet. I wasn't sure why I was here. I wasn't a terrible Interpol agent. I'd help capture one of the most notorious drug lords in North America by posing as his girlfriend for a full month. I didn't have much longer to ponder as Morgan touched my arm, sidling in beside me. 'Wanna come to the bar after work You can get a lift with me and Reid, the whole team's coming.'

'Sure!' I said eagerly. I was always up for a drink. 'If I can back more drinks than you tonight you owe me 20 dollars.' I said bravely.

Morgan looked taken aback for a moment before a determined look settled on his face. 'Bet. I can just tell we're gonna be good friends.' We shook on it and I wandered back to my desk to sit and wait for a few more hours.

---

After about ten minutes I was bored again, and it was just me and Dr Reid left in the Bullpen. I strolled over and peered over his shoulder to see he was frowning at a hefty case file. 'What are you looking at?' I asked, bringing JJ's chair over and sitting down beside Reid.

'Nothing!' He said slamming the file closed and shoving it clumsily into a drawer, a photograph fluttering out and onto the floor. We both leant down to pick it up and our hands touched. I quickly pulled my hand away, and Reid shoved the photograph back into the drawer. 'S-sorry about that.' He stuttered, smoothing his hair behind his ears.

'S'allright. Confidentiality and that.'

He smiled up at me. 'How old are you?'

'23 this year.' I replied.

'Seriously! Im 24. You've beaten my record!' He said surprised. 'We're basically kids to everyone else.' He said leaning back in his chair.

'How long have you been here?'

'Not long, maybe a year or so.'

I nod. The conversation stills, and I have to stop myself from saying anything stupid to fill the sudden space. 'Can you help me with something?' Reid asked tentatively.

'Of course!' I said a little more eagerly than I would've liked. Reid removed a case file from the stack on his desk and rolled his chair over so I could bring mine in beside his at the desk. He opened it to reveal a series of pictures showing 6 different victims. There was no damage to the body but the glazed over eyes showed they were dead. 'There were high amounts of adrenaline in the toxicology report.' Reid nodded.

'What's suspicious? Could've been a heart attack.' I asked.

'That's what I thought...' We spent the next few hours theorising over the case until Morgan grabbed Reid from behind, scaring him. Morgan laughed as Reid batted him away annoyed. 'It's home time kids.' He said. Reid began shoving random things into his satchel and I grabbed my bag from my desk. 'Audrey!' I heard someone call. I turned around to see one of my friends from high school pull me into a tight hug. 'Penelope!' I gasped. 'Wha-'

'I'm the tech analyst here.' She said.

I hugged her again. 'Pen! Why didn't you say anything!'

'I wanted it to be a surprise!'

'Aww you silly chook.' I said warmly.

'C'mon guys!' Morgan called from the doorway. I got in the back of Morgan's car with Reid as Penelope got in the front and Morgan drove. Penelope and Morgan began to go on about some guy named Kevin as Reid picked at his argyle print woolen vest. 'So how did you find your first day at the BAU?'

'Pretty cruisy if I'm honest.'

'Trust me, it get's worse.' Reid said, but this smile wasn't joking, and it didn't quite reach his eyes.

'Well at least I've got some of the best to teach me.' I said with a smirk, nudging Reid's dress shoed foot with my own converse clad one. I nod at the book on his lap. 'Hemmingway?' I ask.

'Yeah.'

'You're planning on reading Hemmingway while you're at a bar?' I asked incredulously.

'Bars aren't really my thing...' Reid said raising his eyebrows and gesturing at himself.

'Aw sure they aren't, pretty girls and guys, drinks, dancing, there's something for everyone!'

Morgan laughed from the front. 'If you can get Reid to have one drink then I'll give you 10 dollars.'

'Added onto our original bet?' I asked.

'Of course because I'm going to win and there's no way you can get Reid to even have a sip of a drink.'

'Oh its on.' I responded.

[write-tingss]

Jeff Atkins

(mini story) but if y'all want more I will continue it.

....................

You were childhood friends with Clay and lived next door, you were transferring to Liberty and that's when you catch the eye of one Jeff Atkins.

.....................

Clay and I have always been friends since as far as I can remember, we started loosing touch around the time we started different middle schools. we were still neighbors but school, sports, new friends it all got in the way. we would talk occasionally until it got to the point of just acknowledgment. Recently I found out that I will be switching schools to liberty high, I thought I would reach out to clay and hopefully have my friend back and a friend once I walk through the new halls. I went outside to see clay walking down the street with a brunette girl. “hey Jensen, Jensens girlfriend ?” “we’re just,,,,friends Y/N” he seems so flustered it seemed so hard not to laugh. “im Y/N, clays best friend.” I extended my hand to the girl who called herself Hannah. Clay was quietly standing there while Hannah and I did all the talking. “so looks like i’ll be starting liberty with you guys this year.” Hannah seemed relieved by my statement as she was quick to respond with a jokingly sigh “great I won't be the only new girl after all.” After she said that I felt my body loosing tension knowing that I wouldn't be completely alone. after some more talking Clay took Hannah home. I was getting ready for bed when a scrawny pale boy barged into my room, “ReALLy Y/N?! my best friend? we haven't talked since middle school and how could you not tell me you were coming to Liberty until right now today?! Why are you even coming to my school anyway I thought you loved it at your new school with your new friends” I sat next to clay on the bed “you know I’d like to rather not get into it, but know this Clay you have always been my best friend and you'll always be my family but I understand if you don't want me going to your school, I have no choice over that but I will leave you and Hannah alone.”  “oh shit im really sorry I didn't know it was that bad.” I didn't even need to give him the details and he already knew it was serious, he sat up and put an arm around me. “don't worry, you're my best friend of course I want you around.”

It had already been a couple of days of starting Liberty and I love it here, Hannah and I are joined at the hip and tho it may make clay jealous or uncomfortable or weird out or whatever I don't mind, im happy. I walked into the library to see clay tutoring a friend, a handsome friend, “hey Jensen you need a ride after school or are you gonna ride your bike? Hannah and I are going to the Mall before her shift so I really need to know. How rude of me, hi im Y/N.” I extended a hand out to Jeff and he shook my hand a tad longer than normal but I didn't mind. “ill take my bike, now can you leave we are doing something important here.” Clay said a tad more annoyed than I'd like but I got up and was on my way out after waving goodbye to the boys. “it was really nice meeting you.” I could hear Jeff say as I walked off.

_______

Jeff POV:

It was already hard to concentrate on what clay was saying, guess that's why I need tutoring, it instantly got harder once she walked in the library. It was like one of those movies where everything goes in slow motion as the hot character walks over to the main character, holy shit she is walking over here....and right up to Jensen? “No, you're not rude at all, its nice to meet you, im Jeff.” I didn't want to let go of her hand, that is until clay started to yell at her and with that she left with her answer. “it was really nice meeting you.” I yelled out and got some shushes but it was worth it to see her look back with a smile and wiggle her cute fingers. Clay on the other hand not so cute face, looked like he ate something sour. “ sorry about that, we've know each other since we were in diapers, she's like my annoying little sister the only difference is I can go to my own house when she gets too much.” he laughed a little too hard at that one. “I don't know clay she seems pretty cool, you shouldn't have yelled at her maybe she would've stayed longer,” again a sour look arose “ ugh that's the point, I didnt want her staying longer, anyways we have more important things to talk about if you want to pass your test, come on man.” we went back to the books but all could think about was Y/N and how was this there first time I've seen her. “hey how come I've never seen her before?” “because she's new, now focus.” “im serious man like what's her story?”

________

Hannah and I were trying to find the perfect outfit for some party this weekend, that's the thing about Liberty High there is probably a party every weekend. “so just tell your parents that's your sleeping over at my house, if clay goes he can be the DD and my parents work so much they value their sleep so the won't be awake when we get back.” I kept talking as Hannah kept looking with such persistence  “I've never seen you this picky over clothes what's gotten into you Han?” “ I just really want to look good tonight is all,” “ooohhh is it boy? girl? Jensen perhaps ?” “its....someone..” she smiled and went to try on this super cute yet mature blue dress. 

we were in my room getting dressed when I got a text from clay saying he was already there. Hannah ditched the cute dress to go with something more casual and laid back. I went with a tee shirt dress and some white sneakers. We parked the car and made it half way past the lawn before getting intercepted by one Justin Foley accompanied by a Zach Dempsey. “hey Y/N you look nice, and so do you Hannah” Zach slurred. “well as unattractive as that is we are gonna go get a drink, come on Han, bye boys see ya around” I practically had to drag Hannah away from Justin. “what was that about? I didn't know y'all had so much in common, you want to go back?” I questioned Hannah laughing while walking through the doors. “no it was nothing just something about a class we both have, don't worry about it. lets find clay” we walk into the kitchen and see a half anxious clay with the handsome boy from the library. “hey you” I said to Jeff as I walked right up to him instead of clay,”you girls want a drink?” within a few minutes clay and Hannah were immersed in their own little world, luckily I had Jeff. we sat by the pool and it felt like nothing could touch us, “so how are you liking liberty?” we talked about baseball, school, our family, our likes and dislikes. we talked about our hopes and dreams and what we planed to do with our lives. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the opening up, maybe it was the music or the fact that he was so darn cute but I desperately wanted him to kiss me.

_______

Jeff POV: 

“all im saying Jensen is batman would win okay” “yeah well you're an idiot and obviously so wrong, superman would.” I went to get a refill when I saw Y/N coming trough the door. “you know things would be so much easier for me if Y/N would just let me and Hannah have some alone time.” “aren't you guys alone when you're at work?” clay paused “yeah man but that's work, we have to be professional.” all I could do was laugh “alright man ill keep Y/N occupied, really its my pleasure don't worry and you work your magic.” clay looked genuinely scared as he croaked out “wait what do I say?” “just don't mention batman vs superman and you'll be fine, here they come. You girls want a drink?” I tried asking Y/N about her time so far at liberty but she couldn't here me over the music so I brought her out to the pool. we sat there for what felt like hours with our feet dipped in the water as the music and wind was filling up the air. she had this incredible look in her eyes, they sparkled everytime she talked about something that she was passionate about and the way her eyes would sparkle the same way when I started talking as if I was the best story teller in the world. she was so inventive and an amazing conversationalist. she was shy but confident, I don't know exactly what it was but I desperately wanted to kiss her.

[acdeaky]

the end of the night

warning: fluff, angst, use of strong language, dialogue heavy at parts

note: happy secret santa to @yourlocalmusicalprostitute ! here's a fic with joe, even though i know you said about wanting john! i couldn’t put john with the idea i had, so i went with joe! i hope you enjoy, mwah 💋

word count: 2.0k

the last year of your life had been one of the best for your career and your personal life. you and joe had celebrated your two year anniversary with a special trip to paris. after news got out that you were to be in a highly anticipated film being released in december, you had half a dozen auditions for new projects, two of which you got accepted for. 

the year previous had been amazing for you as well, especially the second half. filming began on your first main role in a movie and to say you were excited was an understatement. you were ecstatic. joe helped you through sleepless nights filled with nerves and/or excitement, he spent countless days on set with you and kept you company on your breaks, as well as doing his job too. 

somehow, each day you two spent together throughout the past two years, you had fallen more in love with joe - something which you didn't think would be possible. but it happened. and the excitement of your premiere caught up with you throughout the press tour. and, once again, joe was there by your side for every moment. 

you’d enjoyed filming and promoting this movie that you forgot about the christmas release date. throughout the entire month of december, running up to christmas that is, you felt like you’d done nothing but work. it slipped your mind that the days to christmas were counting down, until it got to the premiere.

december 19th: you and your cast mates were lined up along the red carpet, smiling and waving at the cameras. joe was by your side the whole night. he chatted with you and the interviewers and watched as your face lit up while meeting and talking to fans. you both were in a state of bliss that night, smiling and getting along with your cast mates.

but after the joy had settled and everyone had gone home or back to their hotels, it was a different story.

stumbling into your hotel suite, you and joe giggled hysterically, the amount of alcohol you had had finally taking affect. you had shown him something on your phone in the lift and both of you were still laughing at it. it wasn’t that funny, but joe was trying to keep you happy before saying what he wanted to say.

“i’m gonna hop in the shower,” you managed to say through light giggles, pulling off your shoes and then carefully tried to unzip your dress from the back. “do you wanna join?”

“no, love, i’ll let you have one.” joe smiled, walking over to help you.

“if you’re sure, baby.” joe only nodded in reply as you glanced over your shoulder. the zip of your dress was down at the bottom after joe helped and you easily slid out of the short sleeves and let the dress rest in a puddle at your feet.

stepping out of it, joe reached down to grab it, holding it delicately and laying it across the back of the sofa of the suite. as a thank you, you kissed his cheek lightly, resting your hand on his blazer clad shoulder.

“don’t worry about taking this off and joining me at any point, joey. i’ve missed you,” your hand moved down from his shoulder over the lapels on his blazer. the fabric was soft, good quality shit, and running your thumb over the front brought you back to earth. “i won’t be too long.” and with that you turned around from him, waltzing into the oversized bathroom and stripping off the rest of your clothes before stepping into the shower. 

joe never joined you. he stayed inside the bedroom of the suite and took off his blazer, laying it over the sofa next to your dress. he toed off his shoes and placed them next to yours which had been carelessly thrown at the foot of the bed. his tie joined his blazer over the sofa, but joe kept his shirt and trousers on, not fully ready to undress just yet. 

there was something he had to do. 

just like you had said, you weren't too long. you dried off in the bathroom, sneaking into the bedroom to grab some pyjamas and quickly getting changed. after hanging the towels up, you stepped back into the bedroom, pulling the fluffed up white covers back and called to joe. 

“baby? are you coming?” was all you said. joe suddenly appear from the living area of the suite, his once crisp white shirt now slightly creased and untucked from his trousers. “i thought you'd be ready for bed?” you asked sweetly, snuggling further down into the sheets and silently beckoning him to bed. 

“i will, i will, i just- i need to talk to you a minute.” joe just sat on the same side of the bed as you, his fingers and thumbs twiddling as he tried to calm himself. 

“joey, what's wrong? has something happened? are you okay?” a million thoughts and questions raced through your head. the silence coming from him was the first thing that worried you; joe was barely ever quiet. 

“im fine, love, i just wanted to talk to you about something.” joe’s head was still down, his voice coming out at almost a whisper. before you even replied, you shifted forward, grabbing one of his hands and placed it in-between both of yours. all of your attention was on him now; his posture and attitude worrying you, his behaviour extremely unusual. 

“okay,” you said with a shaky breath. “go for it.” 

“i love you. so so much. and you know this, but i just wanted to say it. these past few weeks, hell these past two years, i’ve be so unbelievably proud of you, of what you're achieving and what you've achieved. but honestly? i miss you, a lot. like, a hell of a lot. you’ve been there, of course you’ve been there, but you haven’t been here completely. part of your mind has always been thinking go work, or the next step, and i feel like we’ve not spent time together like we have done before. christmas is in less than a week and the minimal amount of presents we’ve bought is ridiculous. and i'm not blaming you, i never would. god, i can't blame you when you’ve been caught up in work because that's your job, it’s what you do.” joe had to breathe for a minute. he still hadn't looked up, his eyes were still fixed on where your hands were encasing his. 

“as much as there's been an us lately, there also hasn't. the bed feels empty even when you're in it next to me. the house seems quiet even when you’re downstairs rehearsing to watching TV. there's just been something not right and i didn't want to say anything earlier because i wanted you to enjoy celebrating the movie, because you should, instead of thinking and worrying about what i've said. i'm not trying to make you feel bad or guilty, because i just couldn't do that to you, but i just had to say this. i had to say something.” 

“fuck, i'm so sorry.” was the first thing joe said when he finally looked up at you. you knew exactly why. your face was definitely a deeper shade of red to match your bloodshot eyes. there had definitely been at least three tears that marked your face and fallen onto the cotton sheets below. joe knew what you looked like when you cried, he had seen it happen so many times before. but every time that happened, the first thing he would do would be pulling you into his arms, a hand stroking the back of your head as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear. 

this time, though, he did none of that. just like you, his eyes were bloodshot and there was guilt behind them. you saw it as soon as he looked up at you. you think that was why he pulled his hand from between yours and shot up so quickly. his hands ran through his hair, pulling it this way and that way. 

you sat motionless on the bed. your hands were still where joe’s left them, your face was in a state of shock, in fact, your whole body was. the only sounds came from joe’s laboured breathing and the few outside noises of cars and noisy pedestrians passing by outside. 

that wasn't what you were expecting. 

it wasn't what joe was expecting. 

but it happened. 

it took a few minutes for you and joe to come out of your heads and acknowledge each other, it was your short sniffles that brought you back to earth. joe’s movements stilled as he faced where you sat on the bed. his eyes were even more bloodshot than before and his hair was so dishevelled. all you want to do was reach out and kiss his tear stains away, but that wouldn't work this time. 

“you don't need to be sorry,” came your broken voice, disrupting the near silence in the room. “you're right. i’ve been so interested in work and this movie and movie forward in my career that i forgot about everything else. i’m sorry i haven't been here as often, or as present as i should be, like i used to be. without realising it, it’s just happened. and i’m sorry, joe. i’m sorry i haven't been there properly, or fully. i’m sorry for making you worried and making you feel like this. seeing you like this just breaks my heart. and it’s all my fault.”

joe stayed stood there, taking in the words you said and the sight before him. after everything tonight, after all the laughter and love received by the both of you, the end of the night turned into something out of your personal nightmares. without saying a word, joe finally move forward. his body practically crashed onto the bed and he pulled you into his arms once again. he sat with his legs over the bed, pulling you onto his lap and wrapping his arms around you. 

“its not your fault, it’s not.” he whispered over and over again in your ear, his hand stroking the back of your head. both of you stayed there for what seemed like hours, crying into the other’s shoulder and readjusting your grips periodically. 

“i love you so so much, and we’ll figure this out together, yeh?” joe whispered into your ear after a few moments of silence. at some point, he begun rocking you backwards and forward, settling your crying and calming your breathing. no words could leave your mouth, making you nod your head in agreement. “lets get you back into bed.” 

joe’s movements were slow as he lifted you off of his lap and into the sheets. he helped you lay down fully before pulling the sheets over the rest of your body. instantly, you snuggled down into them, making yourself comfy and waited for joe to join you. he finally removed his shirt, placing it and his trousers over the back of the sofa. joe didn't even bother changing into his pyjamas; all he did was pull out his pair of sweatpants, pulled them on and crawled into the bed next to you. 

as soon as he settled, he pulled you close to him. your chests were pressed together as his arms rested around your waist and your arms rested are his shoulders. it was the low sounds of joe’s breathing and his sweet nothings that sent you off to sleep. just before you fell asleep, you made a mental note to be more present, to be there for joe when he needed you. 

an “i love you.” was whispered just before you fell asleep. 

that night could be classed as one of your bests and one of your worsts, but with joe there by your side for the whole thing, nothing else compared (even if you did end up crying one way or another). 

- 

TAGLIST: @never-kept-the-same-address @j0hn-deaky @sohoneyspreadyourwings @brian-maybe-not @deakysbabybooty @1001-yellow-daffodils @retromusicsalad @hardcoredisneynerd @painkiller80 @leatherjacketmazzello @scarecrowmax @mebeatlized @seesiderendezvous @alright-mrfahrenheit @someone-get-a-medic​ @miamideacon​ @chlobo6​ @teenagepeterpan​ @spacedustmazzello​ @deakysgurl @forever-rogue @xcdelilahxc @keepsdrawing​ @igotsuckedintothevoid @kill4hqueen​ @supersonicfreddie​ @laedymoon @inthedayswhenlandswerefew @warriorteam1924​ @painandpleasure86 @boomerangbassist @mamaskillerqueen 

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Okay so last week was a shitkicker and was literally so bad I spent the better part of the week trying to delude myself into thinking it was a good day. Like, we're talking, "the sun is shining and I'm here to see it so today is a good day" and "I'm having a bad day- fuck me I am not haveing a bad day- I'm having a good day- I'm not having a bad day". Denial is a powerful tool for mental health, apply judiciously. I get that everyone on earth is kinda having a shitty year but it feels like things just kinda escalated in my little corner

The 7th had a huge snow storm that brought traffic to a stand still. No one could leave the house and university class was online anyway. Batshit customer demanded to pick up her gear anyway. I drove in because I was the only person with keys to the shop that could get to the building. It took me a solid 2 hours going 15mph on the highway. The snow in the parking lot was up past the fenders of my truck. Crazy lady gets 10 out of 18 of her survival suits back but the other 8 still have holes in them because our only repair tech is also the only one who answers the phone or runs the computer or handles customers or cleans or disinfects anything or stores gear. I'll give you one guess who that person is.

Did you guess me? Good for you. Fun fact this was not the case in October.

Crazy lady swans off through the snowed in parking lot and because she cant find the exit, blasts straight through the ditch and onto the road.

I say fuck it and leave. I've been at work for 2 hours. I have made 24 dollars for my trouble. It takes me another hour to get home.

The 8th is Saturday and I'm supposed to be at work. No one can drive. There was another 10 8nches of snow last night. I say fuck work and go to dig out the plow truck. The canopy over the plow truck collapses as I walk out to clear the snow of it.

I do not scream.

My partner and I get the truck running and go plow people out of their driveways and then go do the shop.

We come back home and the heater doesn't work. We just spent most of last week frantically trying to limp the thing along because no heat at -20°F is in a word fucking unpleasant. At least now its 40 degrees warmer because if the snowstorm. We take it apart again. The house smells like diesel. The house smells like exhaust. The house is not cold because the wood stove can keep up at 20 above zero but it won't keep us through the winter.

There is no saving the oil heater. We need a new one.

Its 730 and neither of us have eaten. I start rice in the pressure cooker so I can throw a tasty bite on top and call it dinner and that dies too. Explosively.

Dinner is half cooked rice and microwaved curry.

Sunday is spent finding a way to stretch our increasingly thin budget to buy a new heater. Between us we actually have 2275$ and we will still cover the mortgage. Somehow. All our Christmas gifts will be hand made this year. The next thing that breaks will stay broken.

Monday, power outages due to snow storm. No wifi, no zoom meetings. Another 8 inches of snow. This is now more snow than my city gets for the full year.

My boss calls sobbing. The dog died. Joey, an 11 year old, 130lb mastiff with a tumor the size of a football on his liver has been her constant companion for at least 8 years. The pandemic has confused the bejesus out of him because while he loves the lock down and going out to play every hour or so he doesnt really like the concept of strangers in masks. Hes a guard dog and doesnt understand that men in masks coming into the shop are not here to kill mom they're wearing masks so they don't kill mom.

Mondays the shop is closed anyway and I spend it installing the new heater. It doesn't quite fit in the space the old heater came out of but its warm.

Tuesday, I go to work, everyone cancels class, I once again gently explain to a regular that eugenics is bad. I would like to curse him out. I cant. He drops a grand on scuba gear and leaves, talking about how great his trip to Mexico will be.

I do not scream.

A friend calls to ask how I'm doing. Not great. Yea, her niether. She asks if I want to go out to the backcountry with her over the weekend. I explain that my leg physically does not move and I'm downing copious amounts of advil to remain upright. The doctor sent me in for an MRI but has not yet called back. Plus I'm supposed to go to Valdez for the weekend and actually go diving. That I can do with limited use of my leg.

She says yikes, take it easy, take care of yourself, I love you.

I say, yikes, I'm tired of taking it easy, I wanna play, I love you too.

Hit me up if your plans open up and we can do something gentle on your leg. She says.

God yes. The cold woods away from people sounds like paradise. I dont even care that it will cause me rending physical pain to get there. I need a break.

Its Wednesday. I go to school. I get pulled over. Miraculously I dont get a ticket. I'm white female and conventionaly attractive, maybe not so miraculous. I rolled through a stop sign but I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford a ticket.

I get a text in class. One of the instructors who works with the dive shop has tested positive for covid. I haven't seen the man in 2 months. I needed a spare instructor but he was nowhere to be found. But hey, evidently that's a good thing.

I go to work. I vacillate between doing the job a 4 people and having nothing to do.

I go to the grocery store because I misjudged my last monthly grocery run and even though I'm increasing my exposure I'm out of cheese and tea damnit.

The store is packed. Pandemic who?

My partner and I haven't had a date nite in a while and this week has been shitty. I want a nice dinner. I pick up a couple boxes of the carton sushi which isnt terrible and is about as nice as I can justify on the new budget. I grab a gallon of milk and a few other things. I forgot my wallet in the truck and the cashier is chill and sets my stuff aside while I grab it.

I pay and take my stuff home and realize I left one of my bags at the store. No cheese or tea for me.

Thursday. 10am my phone goes off with an emergency alert. The govoner has grown a spine in light of recent elections and is instituting a voluntary lock down. My state has 500 new cases a day. That might not sound like a lot but theres only 300,000 people in Alaska and we've got poor medical infrastructure.

Unfortunately Alaska is full of Alaskans and nobody can tell us what to do. Nothing changes. 7pm rolls around and I'm teaching scuba classes in the pool.

I load a few hundred pounds of scuba gear into the back of my truck. In a wet wetsuit. In the snow. In a fabric facemask. 6 feet apart. In the pool.

I dont get paid for pool time.

Over the summer we had 6 dive masters including me, all big burly dudes, much better suited to picking things up. Its November and I'm the only one.

The kids I'm teaching are going to Hawaii. They're 10 and 13 and so wildly excited about breathing underwater its beautiful to watch. And they're traveling to an island. In a pandemic.

Friday.

Unload scuba gear so it doesnt get stolen out of the back of my truck while I'm at class. Were doing a make up lab today. Hey of the five student in my class only one of us has covid so theres that.

My boss calls an let's me know that shes left for Valdez without me. If I'd like to make an 8 hour drive by myself in a snowstorm I'm welcome to follow.

I'm in class till an hour before shop closing. I'm not driving across town so I can run on the open sign for half an hour.

The shop stays closed on Friday.

Saturday.

I explained to everyone we had business with that the shop would be closed over the weekend and Friday. I planned on being in Valdez. Hell I canceled plans to be in Valdez.

I open the shop and immediately field calls about why we werent open. I start to explain about the Valdez trip and logistical difficulties and then I realize that shes not mad about that. The woman was here before I opened early this morning. We have never been open that early. The hours are on the door.

A regular comes in. Hes also confused as to why I'm here.

Sunday finds me curled up in bed, reluctant to leave. Getting out of bed has not played out well for me recently.

A friend comes over to chat with my partner about specialist rifle parts. This isnt that wierd, he works at a gun shop and they've been discussing upgrading my partners current rifle set up.

He is wearing a full Scottish kilt. Red tartan. Looks very lovely.

I make zucchini bread and my proportions are a little off because I have too much zucchini so it's a little over moist but it's good. I'm recovering from an asskicker of a week and next week will be better.

Monday morning:

Baby brother has covid

Dads getting the results of his rapid test tonight.

Mom isnt getting tested because she says she doesnt have symptoms but that's not the fucking point mom.

So, I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not diving in Valdez. I'm not skiing backcountry.

I'm not sick. I'm not flat broke yet. I dont have a ticket. I have a job. I have people who care about me. Im managing my physical and mental health as best I can. Im just fucking exhausted.

[pinkchanelbag-moved]

i just found your blog but i actually love it sm can you write a lil sum sum w nick based off sunflower bc i will never get tired of that song

thank you babyyy this is stupid long im sorry it got really messy and i ended up hating it but its too long not to post so im sorry that this is trash lol 

---

sunflower - n.m.

you’d be left in the dust

unless i stuck by ya

you’re the sunflower

i think your love would be too much

“dog, you’re not really making any sense,” edwin sighed to his distressed friend. “slow down.”

nick sniffled and rubbed his forehead, scared of the deep feeling of resolution sinking into his stomach. the realization that this could be the end of his relationship. 

“i told her i would pull up to her place after the movie, but after i just picked up z and we drove around and i kept my phone on silent ‘cause i knew she was gonna call.” 

“you were avoiding her?” edwin asked, making a perplexed hand gesture. “why?”

“i don’t know!” nick exclaimed. “she’s flying home for her midterms tonight, and today was her last recording session so she’s gonna be studying all day and i just didn’t wanna be around her during all that brainy shit, it just gets on my nerves.” 

edwin frowned in confusion at his friend, but held his silence.

“anyway, she called brandon to ask about the movie, and then you guys obviously, and when she got around to zion, that’s when i decided to go see her.”

brandon re-entered the living room with a bottle of water that he handed to his friend. he sat down on the floor across from nick’s seat on the couch and beside edwin’s on the loveseat. edwin rested his elbows on his knees, leaning in to listen, while brandon settled his back on the side of coffee table with upset eyes. 

“she…she wouldn’t let me in.” nick paused to take a gulp of his water. the water squeezed past the lump on his throat. “she said she hadn’t studied at all ‘cause she was worried about me. she said she was done, and that she was tired of our relationship being her trying to get me to be nice to her and trying to trust me when she never knows shit about…about…i dunno, something like that, i don’t remember.” with his eyes glued to the ground in a deadpan stare, he said, “she said she didn’t wanna be with me. and then she closed the door, and i left.” 

brandon and edwin shared a look before trying to detangle the situation that had just unfolded before them. 

“so…ummm…” brandon rubbed his mouth. “have you guys been having problems like this? ‘cause i don’t think she woulda done this unprovoked.” 

nick sighed, clenching his jaw in an attempt to hold back tears. 

“i guess…i don’t know, bro…she’s just always busy. i mean, not busy, but always moving. she’s always doing the most, whether it’s recording or going to meetings or working on her clothing line or tryna stay caught up at college or…i don’t know, flying to the fuckin’ moon. and i’m just tryna be with her, not with, like…her grind. does that make sense?” 

“kind of…” brandon answered. 

“but nick, she literally invited you over on her only free night to study before going home for midterms. she’s trying.” 

“yeah, i know, but it’s like…when i’m with her, it’s like i know that she could be doing some more important shit, and that she probably wants to, but she gotta slow down and make time for me. like, ‘don’t have dinner with me, you should be running for president or some shit.’ that typa shit. and i’m proud of her, for real. i really got the baddest out there, but i wake up and shower and maybe work out and then go see her, and by that same time she’s cleared half her schedule of the crazy amount of shit she has to do. when i’m with her, i feel like i’m wasting her time.” 

“yo…” edwin said after several seconds.

“you’re a fuckin idiot,” brandon finished for him.

“yeah, thanks, fuck you,” nick said throwing his body back to the cushion. 

“no, for real. you’re mad at her and treating her like shit because you feel small next to all her success? that is the worst thing a guy can do to a girl, nick. get over yourself, bro. you’re crazy about her and you’re avoiding her because she loves you and you’re—what, insecure?”

“yeah,” edwin gestured to brandon in agreement. “and she loves you too. obviously, or she wouldn’t have put up with your shit for so long. you got so lucky. a strong ass girl with her future and her life straight. if you feel like you’re not good enough, you should be doing the exact opposite of whatever the fuck you were doing before. you should treat her like the world. and why she loves you, that’s none of your business, man. that’s ‘cause of god.” he gestures to the air above him. “she’s winning in every part of her life except with you, because of you.”

nick’s eyes alternated between his two friends for some time, comprehending their advice. he dug his palms into his eyes and groaned.

“why the fuck didn’t y’all tell me that before she broke up with me!? she’s boutta leave the fuckin state!” 

“when’s her flight?” edwin asked.

nick checked his watch and took a deep breath. 

“two hours.” 

“get the fuck outta here, then!” edwin yelled, getting up from his seat. 

“i’ll call maggie and see if she’s already on her way to the airport,” brandon told nick, who was already jumping off the couch in search of his car keys. within minutes, he was on the road, flying through the night traffic one hand on the wheel and the other placing calls to your phone that went unanswered every time. after a few minutes, brandon’s text was a beacon of hope.

maggie says she just left ina taxi

nick swerved to make an exit that would take him to the airport, throwing his phone on the dash. 

he drove for some time, heart thudding in his chest like a drum, looking through the window of any taxi he could see. finally, about ten minutes out from the airport, he spotted a taxi. as he neared it, he saw a familiar head of hair atop a lowered head, the curve of a nose. just briefly, he saw you sitting in the backseat.

he quickly found his place behind the taxi, never faltering. he texted your phone—stop the taxi get outta the taxi ill drive you there—and watched as you lifted your head and looked at the cars around you to find him. you looked over your shoulder and made distant eye contact with him. it was difficult to see in the darkness of the night, but he knew it was you, and you knew it was him. even from here, he could see how drained you were.

you left his texts unanswered still, but now nick knew where you were. he followed the taxi the rest of the way to the airport. nick watched the driver park and swivelled into place beside him. he jumped out of the car, and the first word out of his mouth was your name. he ran around his car to the side in which you were sitting. you hadn’t gotten out yet, but rather stared at the seat in front of you.

“y/n, can you hear me out?” nick asked. he moved to the passenger window in front of your seat and knocked on it, signalling to the driver. “i’ll pay the fare. i’ll pay the fare, i’ll pay it, i was supposed to drive her,” he says. the driver nods hesitantly before deciding to go on his phone.

“y/n,” nick said, back to your window. “please. okay, you don’t needa talk, but just listen, okay?” he swallowed, preparing to speak, but found that he had no words. he had been so worried about getting to you in time that he didn’t think of what to say to get you back. panicking, he tried to recall the things his friends told him. 

“i’m…i—i’ve been treating you like shit. like, you’re right, what you said about how i’m not even nice to you sometimes. and it’s not…not cause i have any kinda bad feelings toward you. i love you. i love you, it’s like…i love you so much and you’re just so—“ he stopped his to take a breath, and the tears now caught up with him. “you’re so strong and intelligent and beautiful. you’re fucking radiant and you’re perfect, and you treat me so good that i feel like compared to how great you are, i’m just not all that. and you’re doing so much shit with your life. i feel like i’m in your way. ��cause you don’t need me and that scares the shit outta me.”

you took a deep breath, hung your head, and nick felt like he was getting to you. 

“please, can you just…come out? so i can talk to you?” he pleaded. he watched as you frowned in contemplation at your feet for five, ten, twenty seconds. finally, he stepped back as you slowly opened the door and stepped outside with your arms folded defensively over your chest. 

“i…” he began, his heart aching over your puffy, red face. “i can’t take it sometimes. your love is too much, ‘cause there’s nothing i’ve ever done that would make me deserve it.” 

finally, you met his eyes. nick felt all his emotions caving into his chest at once. 

“you loving me is like…” he blinked at the sky for a moment. “it’s like…it’s like a flower loving an ant. it doesn’t make sense.” he tapped his temples in emphasis. “and i guess it’s just always been easier to avoid it than work toward even feeling like i deserve it.” 

finally, he was done. he waited for you, praying you would believe him after the trust he had let wilt between you two.

“you always deserved it,” you said quietly, looking to the ground. “just by being you. i never asked for anything but for you to be with me.” 

nick scratched the nape of his neck, his tears sliding lazily down his cheeks. 

“i’m sorry,” he said in a cracked voice. you looked up at him, watched his contorted face for a moment with wet eyes before sighing and blinking. your arms unfolded from your chest, and after a moment’s thought, slowly came around nick’s waist. he pulled you into a tight hug and buried his face in your hair. 

“i’m sorry,” he whispered several more times. you pressed your mouth to his shoulder and let your own tears run at the relief that you wouldn’t have to do this thing; you wouldn’t have to leave the man you love. you heaved a deep breath and melted into him for comfort over the hell that the last few hours had been. 

“please don’t make me feel like that again,” you whispered in a genuine plea. “like you don’t care about me.”

“i won’t. never again. never,” he shook his head, voice muffled. 

suddenly, you let out a small chuckle. 

“what?” nick asked, pulling away slightly. 

“i’m really gonna fail my midterm for you.”