#its one of those days lads.

[tinyspringtrap]

ugh I’m still upset about this stupid fucking drawing tablet

rant incoming. gets personal. life shit. its not really about the drawing tablet.

I hate this stupid fucking thing so much. I’ve never before in my life had something give me an actual, genuine meltdown, but this tablet??

every time I try to open this thing and give it a chance it just pisses me off - half because of the tablet itself and half because... I pretty explicitly said I didn’t want a drawing tablet, and then I got one anyways :/

and it’s not even one I would pick out - it’s fucking horrendously overcomplicated, has too many fucking buttons on it for a drawing surface, it comes with a bunch of random pieces that I cannot figure out what the hell they’re supposed to do - AND. AND. the charging cord. plugs into the right hand side of the tablet. where I would be drawing. who the fuck designed this piece of shit? I would never willingly buy this thing. I don’t NEED ~*professional grade*~ I just need something that functions and isn’t stupidly overcomplicated.

It’s not a very good gift if the person explicitly says they don’t want it. Idk. call me ungrateful or w/e if you want but the tablet combined with the fact I also got a coffee maker (????) just kinda. further made me feel like people don’t really care a lot about what I wanted. 

it’s... not a new feeling. and I don’t get it, because pretty much everything on the wishlist I sent was cheap and/or something I would have gotten real use or joy out of. I don’t think I got a single thing that I actually... enjoyed, in any capacity, from my mom or grandparents. meanwhile I bought things that catered to what they enjoyed - they might not have /needed/ any of it, but they were all things based on what they enjoy and/or wanted. like it’s just.

it’s like they went out of their way to get me things I explicitly said i didn’t want. like it would have genuinely been easier to just. buy a small handful of the plushtoys i wanted - it would have made me a lot happier too. I don’t need or like expensive gifts.

I think it really says a lot when my narcissistic aunt who I can barely stand to be around because she’s fucking terrible got me a better, more thought out gift that fit with the kind of things I actually wanted.

You know what she got me? a 20$ mug with a cat and a funny saying on it. and that was a far more enjoyable gift to open then half the things I actually received from my mom and grandparents. 

I’ve asked now for so many years in a row to NOT get pajama pants because I literally have too many and I keep getting them anyways. shirts would be nice, some pajama shorts/capris for summer would be super useful and appreciated because I literally have like 1, maybe 2, pajama bottoms for summer

sometimes I wonder why they even tell me to send them a list anymore, it’s not like they buy anything I would actually enjoy having. and it’s not like it’s 100% stuffed animals or anything either?? like I have underwear in there that i like, that would be cool and rad and helpful to receive. I have mugs and kitchenware that I like - I have shirts that come in my size, I have bras that come in my size in there.

but i keep getting things that I have never shown interest in or have outright verbalized disinterest in.

and like. I expected that from my grandparents. it’s been pretty clear for a while now who the favourite grandchild is. it’s no secret that my grandpa hates my biological father with a burning passion and its pretty obviously effected his view on me my entire life.

but idk, it just kinda hurt in a whole new way to have my mom be so clearly dismissive of my wants too. 

you’d think i’d be tougher after being emotionally and psychologically abused for more than half my life by a shitty excuse for a stepfather but here we are.

really wish he would have just beat me more instead of fucking with my emotional and psychological wellbeing. at least if he just beat the shit out of me more I might not be as deeply convinced I was undeserving of love and incapable of trusting people to have genuine good intentions when it comes to wanting to know me.

also if he’d beat me more often I might’ve been able to get someone to actually help me maybe instead of being laughed at by a guidance counsellor for opening up about the incredible levels of abuse because ‘hitting your children occasionally isn’t abuse’ 

anyways. listen. listen it is such a small fuckign thing, it’s such a small thing but receiving one of the items on my list just once would make me so happy. it would make me feel heard. it would make me feel like my wishes mattered and i was deserving of the things i want. it would make me feel like ppl cared about what i want when i have been told for so many years that they dont. 

I hate that my mental health is so ruined. I hate that I will never get over any of the shit i was told time and time again as a child about how i dont deserve things and im subhuman and dont matter. i wish i could juist function mentally like a normal person who hasn’t been abused god i wish i could i really do.

but this shit sticks with you, forever. I’m never going to get over it im never going to be able to escape it all i can do is try my best to deal with it. i shouldnt fucking have to. i shouldnt have to fucking suffer for the rest of my life because someone decided to emotionally and psychologically destroy a child but i do.

[pikslasrce]

[b4kuch1n]

the legends speak of it as a kind of enthrallment: the life ended by the tiger is tied to the tiger. in this way there is a line of souls following the beast, for no reason except to show that they were killed. that they could be saved - if only the beast would die [...] in the dark of the wood you see it walk, shadow to shadow, followed by loss after loss after loss, a tail trailing seemingly into the deep death of night [...]

[midnigtartist]

15lb isn’t enough i need my weighted blanket to break my ribs

[especdreamy]

not to be dramatic but i miss cranboo lore

[blueberryblogger]

just saw someone recycling ye olde "X character doesn't read as Y identity to me, someone who doesn't & has never held that identity & thus am not as intimately familiar with mannerisms, tropes & characterizations that are typically associated with Y identity. There is no evidence for X being Y and you guys are acting insane."

like. do you understand that you are using the EXACT SAME excuse that other people are using to shit on YOUR headcanon that you're so attatched too because it has so much evidence?

did it ever cross your mind that it would probably be harder for you, person who isn't X, to pick up on subtler tropes & identifiers of X that you've never experienced because you aren't X?

like you get how it sounds like you're shitting on other wueer people?

[joculatrixster]

everyone needs that one au they r batshit insane about but REFUSE to share lore for

[dalishthunder]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[dollscircus]

I need cam to hold me, pet my head and tell me my past horrible actions don’t make me a horrible person now

[allbeendonebefore]

it is Misty and Grey and Raining and the chickadees are chirping and This is what the end of summer transition is supposed to look like I am just appalled that it’s going back up to 30 degrees by the first week of september it is just so WRong

[clumsyhusky06]

ghuhhhghghgg <- sounds of suffering because I want to create but don't have the time or inspiration

[delulujuls]

the prettiest boy in the paddock | op81

hi there, here comes the 1.3k of wholesome fluff with the pastry boi. its just-uh, i already know that i wanna write a part two for this so watch out!

summary: oscar is feeling a bit down but little does he know that for two people out there he is the prettiest boy in the paddock

warnings: none

pairing: fem!mclarendriver x oscar piastri (ft. lando)

Oscar never had an opinion about his appearance.

Whenever someone asked him if he considered himself as an attractive guy, he would just shrug. Passing by shop windows, mirrors, or surfaces reflecting his image, he never stopped to check if he looked good. The same applied to taking pictures of him. He never needed to have a say in them; he didn't feel the need to improve any shot, as he might not look favorable in it. If the photographer thought he looked great, who was he to judge?

This, of course, didn't mean that Oscar didn't take care of himself; quite the opposite. The Aussie was always neat, smelled good, and sometimes even used hair conditioner, lip balm or even a hand cream. Looking at him, you could notice a handsome, young man with a well-built, slim figure, a pleasant gaze, and an infectious smile.

The fact that Oscar was attractive was especially noticeable on social media. He was adored by fans. The papaya army loved the McLaren duo, and Oscar was no less popular with the ladies than Lando. If anything, sometimes it seemed like his name was shouted even louder.

His teammates also shared the same opinion. Oscar was a good-looking lad, so it wasn't surprising that during conferences, interviews or casual conversations Lando couldn't take his eyes off him and Y/N took every opportunity to throw compliments at him. However, these compliments were one hundred percent sincere and true and Oscar took them very personally, blushing like never before. These compliments were perceived as harmless, friendly jokes by the public, but both Y/N and Lando believed that their friend was the indeed the most beautiful.

However, this didn't change the fact that sometimes Oscar had a bad day. This was one of those days.

With the hood pulled low over his head, the person in the orange McLaren hoodie entered the dining room. Y/N was slowly having her breakfast, scrolling through social media. She usually went for meals early to avoid crowds and have some time to clear her head. Her surprise was evident when someone pulled a chair next to her and took a seat.

"Oscar?" the girl asked in surprise, barely able to see her friend's face under the hood. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I couldn't sleep."

He muttered under his breath and opened a small chocolate packet, pouring it over his pancakes.

Y/N blinked several times, holding her phone in her hand. Clearly, something was off.

"Is something wrong?"

Oscar shook his head and leaned his elbow on the table. He ate in a hunched position, with his back slouched. It looked like he was hiding from someone. Or hiding something.

"You haven't convinced me."

She replied, putting down her sandwich.

The Aussie ate in silence. Only his chin and chocolate-stained lips were visible under the hood. Y/N looked at him, waiting, but when she saw it was better to drop the subject, she returned to her breakfast and scrolling through Instagram.

When Y/N finished eating, she glanced at her friend one last time. He still sat with his head down, swiping his finger on his phone screen. She gathered her things, planning to leave the dining room, realizing there was no chance for a normal chat with Oscar.

"See you around, grumpy."

As she stood up, she heard a quiet question.

"Can you help me?"

Y/N paused and finished her coffee.

"Of course I'll help you, but first I need to know in what matter."

She replied without hesitation, looking down at him. He raised his head and for the first time that day, she had the chance to look at his face.

"Do you have a moment now?"

The girl checked her phone's clock and nodded.

"To my room, then."

Once they were in her room, she sat on the bed and Oscar, after closing the door behind him, walked slowly into the room.

"I'm all ears."

He took his hands out of his pockets and sat next to his friend. He sighed and took off the hood, turning his face toward Y/N in silence. She looked at him surprised, studying him.

"What? You don't have the answer written on your face."

"I do," he replied tartly "You don't see gow terrible i look?"

Y/N furrowed her brows. She had no idea what he was talking about. He looked exactly the same as always.

"You look cute, just like every day."

She said playfully, smiling, but he wasn't in the mood for jokes. He lowered his head and rubbed his face with his hands.

"Acne," he said, resigned, lowering his hands to his knees. "It's worse than ever."

She gently touched his chin and turned his face towards her. Oscar avoided eye contact. He felt embarrassed, unsure whether he was more ashamed of coming to her with such a thing or of his appearance.

"If you want me to help, first, don't touch your face like you did a moment ago."

The girl smiled and brushed the hair from his forehead with her hand.

The Aussie looked into her eyes and, seeing her smile, he felt a little more confident.

"Can you help me with this? I have no idea what to do."

"You're lucky you're friends with someone who has half a Walmart in their makeup bag."

Y/N smiled and stood up, going to the bathroom. After a moment, she returned with a pink headband, which she placed on Oscar's head to keep his hair away from his face.

"Have you washed your face today?"

Oscar nodded.

"What do you use for face wash? Tell me about your skincare routine."

To be honest, there was nothing much to talk about.

"Uh, I wash my face with water, morning and night, when I take a shower."

Y/N blinked several times and looked at him in shock.

"And that's it?"

He just nodded. To his surprise, his friend smiled and clapped her hands.

"Great, I can teach you everything."

"I don't know if I'm ready for that."

Oscar replied uncertainly, but he obediently stood up and followed the girl to the bathroom.

"Don't worry; it won't be anything crazy" Y/N said and took her face wash gel in her hand "It's gonna be Piastri's friendly skincare."

He listened to her even more carefully than when he analyzed the race result with the strategists. He asked when he had doubts, trying to remember every word she said. When he finished washing his face, she applied a gentle scrub and face mask after. After that, it was the time fot rest of the skincare routine. Y/N took a bit of cream on her fingers, which finished off all the major skincare. She crouched down in front of him and smiled, applying the cream to his face.

"Smile, Osc. You are beautiful."

Piastri involuntarily smiled at her compliment.

"Immediately better."

She added, massaging the remaining cream into her hands. For some imperfections, she applied a clear, specialized ointment and removed the headband from his head. She stood up, taking a brush and combing his hair.

"Thank you, Y/N."

Oscar replied, looking at her from below. His brown eyes sparkled as he raised his head to look at his friend.

"You are welcome, pretty boy."

She replied. She wanted to kiss his cheeks but refrained, partly because of the multi-step skincare routine on his face, and partly because Oscar was her friend. But mostly, it was about skincare.

"And you're beautiful, don't forget that."

"Of course, I am" a loud interjection from Lando was heard as he entered the room, making himself comfortable in it, quickly appearing in the bathroom "What's going on here and why without me?"

"You miss everything because you're the last one to get up"

Y/N replied, putting her things back into her cosmetic bag.

"Not true, don't be mean."

Lando retorted, but quickly his gaze turned towards Oscar and the Brit smiled at the sight of him "Wow, Osc, what a glow, mate!"

"Y/N did her hundred-step skincare on me."

"Really? Why are you torturing our friend?" Norris asked, sitting on the edge of the bathtub next to the Aussie.

"I asked her myself," the younger boy replied before the girl spoke up, ready to throw some sort of retort at her friend, "I wasn't feeling very confident this morning, my acne was killing me a bit and it's gotten worse lately."

Oscar admitted, still a little embarrassed by his problem.

"Aw, Oscar," Lando wrapped his arm around him and kissed him on the cheek. "You'd win the competition for the prettiest boy in the paddock."

Piastri blushed and lowered his gaze. A slight smile appeared on his rosy lips.

"Oh yes, you would definitely win."

Y/N replied and put her makeup bag aside, also sitting next to Piastri and kissing his other cheek, feeling a bit more confident after Lando did the exact same thing. Oscar blushed even more and raised his hands to hide his face, but lowered them halfway.

"I can't touch my face, damn it!"

[void-girl]

*unhinges jaw and starts screaming*

[fullofvexation]

truly the worst part about depression is how depressed it makes you

[selffagellation]

excuse me i VERY clearly typed "?" into the youtube search bar, what do you mean the exact video i want wont pop up immediately

[petraforgedyke]

i’m seeing a lot of fear today about Tumblr Shutting Down (Real) (Actually True) today and let peepaw seg tell you a story

i’ve been on this webbed site for fifteen years, believe it or not, since way back in the days of Tumblarity. now i was but a wee lad at the time, so i don’t remember the fine details, but rest assured, it doesn’t matter much for the story i’m about to tell you.

you see, i remember when tumblr was owned by tumblr. folk called its ceo (david karp) “daddy”, and were enthusiastic about his communications, even if on our own blogs, we’d bitch and moan about tumblr making changes to things we were used to. i remember the hubbub when tumblr removed tumblarity, and how this was surely going to be the end of tumblr.

all those fifteen (though it might be sixteen) years ago.

layouts changed, and we’d bitch and moan, and tumblr’d get sold, and we’d know for sure that This Was The End Of Tumblr, For Real This Time. this happened again and again and again, because this webbed site, you see, it makes no money, and companies, greedy things as they are, like money.

the porn ban, under the reign of YaHoo that was, was seen as another death knell. tumblr was going to die, for real, for sure, and i’m not proud to say that i was one of the ones who fell for it. peepaw seg needed to sow hir wild oats on other platforms.

now, i say this happened under yahoo, but it’s important to remember that this ban came in the wake of both the apple app store banning the tumblr app on account of real life csem being hosted on tumblr, and the new usamerican law SESTA-FOSTA being implemented, which made it so that companies such as tumblr would have to moderate the explicit content on them to make sure none of it breached sesta-fosta. tumblr, being a small fish in the grand scheme of thing, didn’t warrant that amount of financial effort on yahoo’s part, as the site was still not making any money, and it’s easier and cheaper to blanket ban than it is to moderate. all this to say, it’s important to vote, because if you don’t, your internet freedom will be curtailed.

and now we’re here, some sixteen years on, and i’ll say automattic has been not all good, but definitely not all bad for the site. they changed stuff we liked to our discontent (layouts), and added stuff we hated (live), but they also gave us stuff we like (polls) and an amount of open communication about tumblr’s inner workings not seen since the days of david “daddy” karp. and now they’re putting just a skeleton crew on the tumblr project.

and that’s going to be The End Of Tumblr For Sure For Real Actually This Time. Really. Promise. Abandon Ship.

and we come to the crux of this story.

which is that this has happened before, and it will happen again, because tumblr is surprisingly immune to making any money.

what we’re likely to see in the coming time is no new features (that’s reserved for projects that make money), and an increase in ads, until one day, and this might be in a few months, and maybe in a few years, there’ll be an announcement that tumblr’s been sold to one direction to a new company.

and we’ll start the whole rigmarole again. and this company might be good for tumblr’s userbase, or it might go against everything the tumblr community holds dear. no way of knowing which way it’ll go.

until one day, some parent company will have had enough, and will pull the plug.

but for now… well, i’m gonna sit here on my porch (blog), and we’ll see what happens. i'm not worried, tumblr’s survived worse things.