#its really hard to describe the feeling of technically the lack of feeling but still feeling

[time-woods]

Coming from what you just posted on Kofi, does being torn into feel good for Sidus? I know you wrote something along the lines of it hurting, but he wants Carma to do it... or is it more of the intimacy/trust that comes with it, maybe along the lines of revealing Sidus's "true" form?

good ask anon

it does hurt- but for certain reasons (that come up in the fic im doing)) sensations are weird for him- experiences in general. but it is also very much an intimacy thing- having someone be able to be that close to you- be that close to *what* you are, is a big part of it. (also yea def a trust thing- this also becomes relevant in the fic))

the best way i can explain how it feels for Sīdus would be like- i dont know how many of you have nerve damage but ill try to explain that sensation too (my experiences with it at least)- so when you touch your skin you feel it yea? that but you still feel it but not quite right- its like having the feeling under the skin but not on the skin your touching, just whats under it. its like the sensation of it is foggy and dull but you can still feel it- it can still hurt too. But for Sīdus its that really strange dampened sensory feeling

[noowayybroo]

Leon x ImpliedF!Creature!Reader - little drabble (SFW)

Ok so like imagine if YOU are the bioweapon / demon / creature whatever, but of course you're a little more humanoid... Humanoid enough for Leon to perhaps... catch feelings...? I was minding my business trying to do coursework when this lodged itself in my brain, mostly older Leon. *drools*

Warnings: Reader is described as monstrous, and called names like "princess" and "Beautiful" but it's more of a coping mechanism for Leon. Mentions of violence, fear and death. Mentions of guns and things. Leon is technically there to kill you. (But he can't)

Leon might call you things like pretty, beautiful, princess etc mockingly so sorry it's implied that the reader is female or at least feminine in appearance, but he could also just be mocking you if you are masculine idk. This is just how deliciously I think some of the Leons would react to seeing / being cornered by a creature heheh.

Re2 Leon:

-Could either be before, after or instead of Raccoon City because no amount of zombies and lickers could prepare him for you.

-He does have a weapon: a gun which he shakily holds towards you. He's so soft and pliable he may as well be handing his firearm to you. Certainly not a threat. You're huge and he doesn't know where to aim, at your head, at your chest, maybe at a leg? It's all a blur to him. His head spins.

-His eyes are wide, sweat sticking his fringe to his forehead as he slowly steps back, seconds away from stumbling. Once he presses himself against a cold wall, as cold as he fears he might be in a few minutes, he swallows hard.

-He's babbling, praying. Begging. Hoping that somehow you might understand him, and should you do so, that you'd let him go. You hadn't attacked him yet, so maybe there was a chance.

-You looked so... big. So imposing. He imagined bullets feeling like splinters to your toughened skin. But the way you stood so still, picturesque, almost like a statue, it had him questioning what was going on inside your head.

-Your lack of movement has him pinned, and his breath slowly calms after the initial shock of seeing you. He can see it in your eyes- the calculated cunning. The hunger. He expects you to lunge at him at any second.

-"So this is what mice feel like" he thinks to himself, voice and heartbeat astoundingly loud in his ears, but he dares not say anything aloud. He doesn't want to tempt you... or to infuriate you.

-He would run. Holy shit he wants to run, but one look at your legs and he knows he's toast. So, he decides to stay as still as possible. Maybe if he makes himself look friendly, you'll go easy. You certainly weren't tearing him to shreds... yet.

-After a while of you continuing to stand there, he slowly lowers his gun.

Perhaps staying still and acting docile really did better his chances.

Perhaps that's what you were waiting for.

Re4 Leon:

-Also has his gun trained on you from the get-go, but his eyes are sharper. He scrutinises you, looking for that sweet spot. He's ready to strike and plans on doing so before you can.

-He takes in your form, memorising it. Perhaps he'll be made to fight something like you again. He notes how your eyes follow the barrel of his gun as it slowly drifts its aim between your vital organs. So you're somewhat intelligent.

-You twitch a muscle, and he straightens his aim, demeanour becoming more serious. He's done playing now. Your stillness threw him off for a second. He licks his lips and tenses, staring right down the barrel. But he's not sure what a bullet would even do to you. It might just infuriate you if anything.

-So he wants to see what you can do, because he's seen nothing like you before. He can see those talons of yours, ready to strike at close proximity. If he has any chance of taking you down, he should probably do so from a distance. Lickers taught him that.

-He notes the way your eyes widen just a smidge as he takes one step back. And more when he takes another. But you're not just observant. You're excited. He can see that hunger in your eyes. So that's what you want. A chase.

-He indulges, fighting the sly smile that his own exhilaration leaves on his lips. "Hope you can keep up, big guy!" He calls out to you, already turn-tailing it in the opposite direction.

-You had gone tense all over, almost holding your breath. Excited, thrilled to be able to chase him, and now, he'd finally given you the opportunity. But as he leaves you in the dust, you stay still. You knew you'd catch up easily. It's fun to watch him run. More useful to have him exert himself.

-Actually falls for it, and for a while thinks you won't chase him until he hears heavy, bounding steps after him. Things suddenly got a lot more real, and you're gaining on him fast. He swallows down hard and scans his surroundings, improvising on how to kill, or at least, lose you.

-For now, though, he'll let you enjoy this chase. He's hoping it'll be your last.

Re4 + (umbrellla term cuz Ik nothing abt older leon canon wise):

-Almost sick of life, he takes a minute to eye you up and down with a 'really?' look, as if he's fed up of finding new things that want to kill him. His eyebrow raises in disbelief before his gun does.

"Well... Who do we have here then?" His tone is flat, rhetorical. Underlying, though, there is some curiosity.

-Glares at you, silently, pathetically, willing you not to move. He's fighting back a strange bubbling excitement. He's faced so many weird and cool, deadly creatures just like you, but none have been quite as captivating as you. He could tell you were intelligent by the way you eyed his finger on the trigger. He could see you were strong and likely fast just by looking at you.

-And he hadn't seen claws like that on anything but a licker. In his twisted mind, you were a bit like a licker that left the skin and some of your personality on, and for that he was grateful. He lets out a low chuckle and without hesitation aims his gun straight between your eyes.

-His teeth grit. He's ready to shoot. He's not too happy about it but he might as well get it over and done with. Can he kill you? Doesn't matter. In this line of work, he's gonna shoot first, pay the price later. It hasn't killed him... yet.

-He's gotten sick of killing things, though. It never brought him any joy. (And he's not going to admit that he doesn't think he can beat you) so he thinks he'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Diverting his aim for a split second he fires a warning shot just by you, hoping maybe you'll have second thoughts.

-Instead you flinch, snarling before slowly approaching him. Your heavy steps are loud, as is your low grumble, and he starts to back away cautiously. "Now now, princess, let's talk about this, yeah?" he hums, one arm up in a defensive position. His voice is thick and gravelly, if not a little shaky. He tried to sound tough and dominant, but there was an element of begging. You certainly approved. "I'd hate to make an enemy of something so pretty."

-If you could understand his words, you'd either swoon or become enraged, but that's for you to decide. Really, though, you can tell he's scared. You just have no idea when flirting with the giant creature that's about to tear out your ribcage was ever a good idea.

-Your claws are raised, ready to strike. You wouldn't soon forget the way he swallows thickly, peering up at you through his fringe. At least he had enough respect to look even a little anxious. He takes a few more steps backwards, giving you a side eye while he quickly checks behind him for an escape route, and so as to not trip.

-"Really, beautiful? We can't just talk about this?" A nervous chuckle. Like talking to a brick wall. It's hopeless, he's hopeless, but you can't blame an old man for trying. You just have to take it out on his knees, don't you?

-Tries to line up a good shot, tongue poking out, eyes squinting as he does, but he doesn't like how close your claws are getting, and decides to leg it. You give chase almost instantly, but barely try and keep up. You want to tire him out, and he has no idea just how easy you're going on him.

-"Didn't like my pickup lines, then?" he wheezes as he runs at a pace he believes to be fast enough to keep out of the way of your claws, but not too fast as to tire himself out too quickly. He's getting old.

-He fires some warning shots behind himself towards you. They were meant to hit, really, but his aim was poor. His breath quickly starts running short. Maybe this is the end after all.

"I gotta stop drinking" he grumbles, ducking round a corner.

Living rent free in my head is the concept of Leon x a creature immensely out of his league in terms of power. He could be scared, in awe, trying to kill it, idk idc I just love it PLEASE can someone tell me they like it too?? I'm going insane.

Also just remembered I'm still writing that leon x demon fic. One day, guys, one day. (saying this more for myself) k bye!

[remedyturtles]

Basically the whole reason I wanted to point out your language was so I could point out two things:

1. your strategic love of periods

You use periods. A lot. And usually, in the best of ways. I LOVE reading your work because of how you use excessive periods well. For example, I’m looking at Firefight right now, and here’s a line from it.

“Donnie leaned back, breathing slow and even, trying to calm his racehorse of a heart. It was beginning to painfully assault his ribcage. He knew Leo had a plan. He always had a plan. Just give him a minute. Just wait.” Genius. Amazing. I could praise your writing for days, because the use of the periods are just perfect for conveying the hysterical desperation of the situation, the pain, the fear. Just wait for Leo, just wait for him, just wait and it’ll be better.

You could’ve written it like: “Donnie leaned back, breathing slow and even to slow his racehorse of a heart, which was painfully assaulting his ribcage. He knew Leo had a plan, he had to, he just had to give him a minute, he just had to wait.” And it wouldn’t have been as alive as you made it seem with all the periods and the language. You use periods where there shouldn’t be, and it’s perfect.

2. How you describe verbs.

I’m not entirely sure how to describe how you do this, but if it were a mathematical formula of any kind, it would be put as: “All” + (adjective + noun)

An example I made up: Leo collapsed on top of the pile, all uncoordinated limbs and heaving lungs.

From Firefight: “Leo’s eyes flickering in circles all around them, not stilling for a moment. They were so exposed out here. All yawning stars and space.”

This really reminds me of that line from. “On Turning 10” by Billy Collins, in the line “And my bicycle never leaned against the garage as it does today, all the dark blue speed drained out of it” which I think could be described as treating a characteristic like a noun. I love it when you do that.

Those were the main points that I noticed, but I have some other ones too

3. Your lack of connecting words.

I’ve still got Firefight in front of me right now, so here’s an example: “He was staring straight ahead in cold terror, sweat down his brow, pupils tiny.”

It’s just a cold, hard statement. There’s no possessive noun, it just is its own separate thing, while still being ‘his’. There’s no possessive noun, and there’s no motion, there’s just “down”, showing off how frozen the moment is, how you can’t move, you can’t breathe. He’s right there, right there, right there, breathing is too risky, I must. Stay. Frozen. He’ll find me, I’m so scared, don’t move a muscle, don’t sweat too loud.

You could’ve written it “He was staring straight ahead in cold terror, there was sweat dripping down his brow, and his pupils were tiny.”

I’m not even sure I described it right, but there’s just something about this. THIS, that just. Itches my brain.

And there’s another point with your excessive use of periods.

4. “Just. Itches my brain.”

I know this is technically a punctuation error, but it’s BEAUTIFUL. To be grammatically correct, it should’ve been, “Just… itches my brain” but the way you write it makes it so much more alive. There is an audible pause, no trailing off, just a hard . No question about it. It puts kind of a tone in the character’s voice that I absolutely LOVE. Then again, I love everything you write, haha

5. It was

Describing a void. Love it when you do that.

Again, looking at Firefight: “But it was flip-flopping all anxious and disoriented. He was still panicking. It was cold sweat broken out all over.” That last line is what I’m talking about specifically, you’re describing a feeling, or a void, with “it was [enter symbol or described noun]”

6. Gerunds

“‘Explain then.’ Donnie requested, gulping down air. Not throwing up. Leo holding onto him. [F] his ribs hurt.” This is kind of an example of your use of periods, too, and it’s also kind of a different version of your use of. “It was”, because you’re using a gerund to fill the space, describe what’s happening like the readers are there with the characters.

And this is also a little bit of constructive criticism I’ve wanted to share with you since I started reading your work, but I’ve learned that when you’re finishing a dialogue piece like in the above example, you’re likely not going to want to put a period at the end of the dialogue, unless you’re ending the sentence. The line above should’ve been: “‘Explain then,’ Donnie requested, gulping down air,” because “explain then” isn’t actually the end of the sentence, it’s just a part of the sentence. If you tried to read it aloud, the period would be an abrupt disruption. I’m not sure how to explain this rule but the best way I can think of it is to say, if you could take the quotation marks away and let it stand as its own sentence, then you’re good to put a period. But, if you take away the quotation marks and the line can’t stand on its own, then you need a comma. Unless it’s a question or an exclamation.

For example: Explain then. Donnie requested, gulping down air = does not work

Explain then, Donnie requested, gulping down air. = does work (ignoring how the second comma makes it sound weird. The quotation marks will make that up for you)

Or, for another example from the next line: Gotta breathe slower, dude. Leo told him. Vs. Gotta breathe slower, dude, Leo told him. (Again, the quotation marks make up for the weird comma)

If you wanted to implement another part of your writing quirk to make up for the periods, you could do that too. You could say, using the first example, “‘Explain then.’ Donnie was gulping down air. Not throwing up.

7. They’re teenagers

This isn’t really a quirk, but the way you write the guys just—UGH it’s awesome! They’re brothers, they’re teenagers. I’m not sure how you do it, but you portray their relationships with each other so perfectly, with how they treat each other in casual situations, with how they act in casual situations. Like, in Little Kid with a Big Death Wish. Snapchat! I didn’t even think of them being into social media like that until you said it! How it’s a regular part of their lives, how you were able to use it as a symbol. The streaks, starting over, a broken connection, I love it.

8. It’s 3 AM

This is something I REALLY admire, the most out of all the things I’ve told you about throughout this absurdly long ask. I love the reoccurring motifs, the symbolism of 3AM. It kind of feels like an inside joke that only you and I and a hundred thousand other readers know about. A secret between the character and the readers. The symbolism of 3AM was set from the very beginning, and it just kills me in the best of ways every single time I see it.

9. Repetitive language

My examples from Little Kid with a Big Death Wish and Firefight:

The last two steps of the tightrope. It’s an obscure little thing that no one would think twice about. Until you used it again, with more meaning. First time I read about the tightrope, and said, “Okay, whatever. Existential dread.” And then at the end of the chapter, you used it again, with FAR more weight and pain added to it. The terror of death, the expectation of it, the inexplicable emotion that Leo was feeling, conveyed in less than 10 words in a way that I can’t even describe accurately. But you did, you used something completely unrelated and conveyed the exact, indescribably emotion you wanted to.

Breathe deep, from the bottom of your lungs. It was only used a couple times, but it’s still meaningful, for no reason at all. The repetition of the phrase just… does things to me. I love it so much, and I don’t even know how to describe the emotion.

Words written in blood on a tomb wall. Again, feelings I can’t describe, but every time you use this, it just gives me a feeling of pained dread, of inevitable doom, just slowly crawling towards the end and absolutely terrified with it.

Pot of water. Again. Feelings. It makes the rift between Leo and Donnie painfully palpable, and it actually makes me wonder how the aftermath of the Prison Dimension will be shaped BECAUSE of this. Will there be a rift between them, even with Donnie’s crushing separation anxiety?

10. “With it”

You use this phrase a lot, actually. Usually, it’s used with an action, and the unspoken ‘it’s just makes it better every single time you use the phrase. Like: “Leo smiled, lip wobbling a little with it.” But what’s ‘it’? Good question, it’s up to you, but with context, it perfectly describes the emotion that might not have a word for it. ‘It’ is a filler for the word that would describe the emotion.

11. Illness descriptions.

Again, this isn’t a quirk, but I love how perfectly you describe the feeling of illness, dissociation, anorexia, pain, etc. I’ve experienced all of this myself, and I cannot tell you how accurately you described all of it, that feeling of separation from your body, the extreme pain that’s so strong it’s just forgotten, the lack of hunger, the struggle of trying to eat. All of it is so amazing. I couldn’t have described it so amazingly as you did even if I tried. I think I’ve told you how incredible it is before in the comments, but I’ll say it as many times and I can, because it’s true. It just feels like you know exactly what you’re talking about, and exactly how to write the characters and convey how the characters are feeling.

That’s all I have so far. I’ve been practically studying your writings because I love your voice to an unreal degree, so call me a stalker, but you’re just so cool to me. Sorry for the absurdly long ask, but there’s a lot I wanted to say. Obviously, lol.

Actually, when you reblogged that anon ask about sharing the ao3 bookmark with the least notes, or whatever it was, and you said “I got a jump scare”, I saw that post and didn’t really read a lot of it until I opened the work myself. The writing style was immediately familiar, and then I saw the end notes, and that just solidified my theory. Then I looked at your tags in that reblog and said aloud, “Called it.”

Thank you for bearing with me. I’m so sorry lol

oh my god this is so long DUDE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS MUCH DETAIL OK OK

i'll address the constructive comment first: many, many people have tried to teach me how to properly do dialogue punctuation. i learnt wrong a long time ago and my brain REFUSES to learn the right way so i've just accepted it. hopefully it's not too annoying LMAO

i am fascinated, thank you. i thought of my own contribution while reading this, which is that i LOVE to use the 'something about xyz' construction. eg from firefight "Something about how Donnie's throat felt about ten times smaller, and the flicker as his purple lights faded, standing next to their stupid little nest."

i have a lot of influence from poetry. fucking love poetry. oh and i've always felt that my descriptions of the connection bt emotions and physical sensations is bc i'm autistic and i spend a lot of my time going OK WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE at my body

i don't really know what to say other than, YEAH. that's all pretty correct. it's like that thing abt how 'if artists get to have an art style then i get to have a writing style' LMAO ... i'm just glad my silly little repetitive things are fun to read, i guess? hahahaha

[greatwesternway]

what does U-505 think about the IRM? has he ever been there or is he not allowed to leave?

He's never been.

He's been invited, as everyone else at the MSI has been, but for a number of reasons, he's never taken them up on it. His diplomatic reason to refuse is that he is still technically a prisoner of war and thus is meant to stay where his wardens can keep track of him. While U-505 does genuinely believe his circumstances imply he shouldn't leave the property, it's also a very convenient excuse.

His experience with steam engines thus far has been that his presence is problematic for them (and not unjustifiably so). He'd expect he'd not be welcomed warmly among much of the IRM's stock. He knows he'd not be welcome by a Certain Engine living there now. Even if 2903 still comes back to the MSI to visit, U-505 does not feel he has the same right to intrude on 2903's new home.

For what it's worth, the museum itself would let him go if he wanted to. While U-505 considers his disposition to be an obligation and consequence of being captured, the museum has never thought of him that way. When he arrived at the MSI, the war was ten years over and the general attitude was that we wanted to move on from it. He's therefore treated with the same regard and care as any of their other exhibits. That he has such a spartan existence is his own doing. Indeed, the museum would give him anything he wanted, if only he'd ask. Everyone who learns about him properly - from museum visitors to Captain Gallery himself - comes to love him.

Speaking of, another reason he never goes to the IRM is that 727 never goes either. She's had forty years of traveling nonstop and prefers not to spend her retirement traveling too. (To be fair, all the stock at the IRM also have a standing invitation to visit the MSI, but most of them don't for the same reason.)

727 is also - as we once saw described in some article - "married" to the building. She's perfectly whole while human, but she doesn't really care to leave the building now that she's been welded to the railings. So nowadays, U-505 has the better excuse that the gentlemanly thing to do is stay home with her. He gets fewer pitying looks and attempts to negotiate with that answer. It's hard to argue that he should let a day with fewer little planes buzzing about go to waste.

Together too, neither of them are that keen on terrestrial travel. Locomotives are obviously built to navigate land. They and their rails were integrated into the world around them. Even the little planes are used to being moved about on trucks or trains from time to time. U-505 and 727 are so large that, with the exception of their arrival at the museum, they almost always operated in places specifically built for their use. They just look at riding the train a lot more dubiously than smaller engines do since they lack the experience of it.

That said, if there was an event important enough, they would go. They have friends there and if their presence was requested, they'd make the effort. It's just hard to think of something the IRM is doing that seems that necessary.

Despite having never been there, U-505 thinks it's good for Pioneer to get to visit his letter friend in person and to visit other engines again. He's not sure what the value of a place that keeps retired trains en masse is exactly, especially if they are all just common stock like 2903 with no story and most of them don't even run. He knows better than to say as much, but it sounds like a scrapyard behind on its work. But it's a place that took the effort to preserve Pilot, who he likes and who makes Pioneer happy, so it's the rare time when U-505 will let inefficient means to justify valuable ends.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 26/07/2023

Violet Snow Memories

Season 7 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume Ruby

Ripped by Spottygamester

Tentative rip name: Violet Snow Memories

Hey, look, I know it was only a few days ago that I posted content from this game's sequel, but I REALLY need to bring attention to this rip. It hit me harder than it had any right to.

Though the oldest videos on the SiIvaGunner channel date back to April of 2016, this isn't where Season 1 began. Earlier that same month, the ORIGINAL SiIvaGunner channel - GiIvaSunner - was terminated due to a copyright strike, erasing three months worth of rips in the process. Some of these had been archived beforehand, and have been slowly rolling out as reuploads over the years, wheras some get remade with slight tweaks. A good handful of these, however, are still only available to watch through unofficial reuploads. For as nostalgic as many of us are for Season 1, a lot of its content (especially pre-Reboot) could be considered pretty...basic, for lack of a better word. Simple jokes combined with the often lacking execution, has left some rips completely ignored as the years go on, either by original rippers no longer being in contact with the channel or by the team not seeing potential in a remaster.

Seven years later, however, there are still some who remember.

Spottygamester has made a good number of rips specifically in tribute to or aiming to restore old rips from Season 1, often times fulfilling their true potential. This was particularly prominent during the excellent April Fools event this year - an event specifically focused on reviving classic and fan-favorite SiIva rips. I've recieved requests to cover this event more in detail, and I certainly will, but of the rips uploaded during it Violet Snow Memories sticks out as a perfect example of why it was such a delight. (and it technically wasn't even uploaded during the event - it was just a tease for it!) It showcases just how much time has passed on the channel - that once so simple rip is now able to sound so much more layered. The original Violet Sky - Hotel Dusk: Room 215, by ripper Uncle Fill, is very much the typical Season 1 rip as described above, yet was made by a ripper with a clear love for the Kyle Hyde games. Of Uncle Fill's 26 contributions to the channel, half are related to these games - its clear that he wished to express that passion as openly as possible, and it warms my heart to see that love reciprocated so many years later. Now in Season 7, Violet Snow Memories tells the same joke with a far more authentic and on-key sound, and keeps building on it by adding Grand Dad and Touhou music to the melody as it progresses.

It all sounds fantastic, but it hits extra hard with the context of both the original game and the rip's history. Violet Sky is a theme that plays in very reflective moments in Hotel Dusk - when a person's trauma has all been unearthed and they're on the way to recovery, when memories are recollected with the promise to move on. Violet Snow Memories is able to capture that same feeling but within the context of the channel its part of, reminding us just how far we've come since Season 1 whilst paying dear tribute and respect to those early, oft forgotten days.

[missnight0wl]

Hey, Marta! I have no hp related to say except that whatever's going on hogwarts legacy seems to be just romancing sad white boys and nothing on plot or whatever, disappointing. (Which is fine on fics and romance centered stories, but so far I heard no one complementing or even commenting on the story.)

I think a lot of these media/game developers think they can simply rely on the brand Harry Potter and just spew any half assed stories with the cover of 'ohh spells and references'. I don't even have nostalgia for anything and it makes me sad to see it watered down to the technicalities of the world and not the story that lies in its core.

But capitalism I guess.

Anyway, I took so long to listen to Eat Your Young and oh my, what a bop! Why does Hozier use such a sexy voice to sing the horrors??? I truly hadn't heard him in interview in a while so when I heard Through Me, I got whiplash. While Scottish still my darling accent, Normal People gave me an appreciation for Irish accent.

Well, those were just some random meanderings. I hope you're doing well 💖 *virtual hug*

Hello, Bee! It’s really good to hear from you! ☺

I’m gonna be honest, I’m actively not following information on Hogwarts Legacy, so I can’t really comment on that. I have a vague idea about the plot thanks to my friend who’s more interested in it, but she also said that the story is rather bleak overall. So... there’s that, I guess. But as I said, I don’t know enough to give my opinion.

That being said, I do want to comment on your thought about “abusing” the HP brand because… yeah, that’s true. Well, sort of. Because, for example, I still believe that HPHM wasn’t just about that at the very beginning. I do think that Matt London and his team created this story with some level of passion. Were they also hoping for easy money? Yeah, probably. But it seems that they cared about something more, too. Sadly, at this point, HPHM became what you’re describing: a half assed story with the cover of 'ohh spells and references'. And I hate to say it, but I also think that the fans are partially responsible for that.

I mean, I remember seeing people being like: “Oh I can’t wait when HPMA/HL comes out, so I can leave this shitty game (HPHM)”. And I was always like… You don’t HAVE TO play this game if you don’t enjoy it. I feel like this mentality was actually quite common at some point, especially on Reddit, at least when I was still checking it. But personally, I just don’t get it. You might still like HP without interacting with every single title in the franchise.

But that also brings me to your second thought: capitalism. Because honestly, it’s not just the problem of the HP brand. Let’s take The Sims, for example. People are complaining for years that TS4 is lacking even now when we have dozens of DLCs. There are many new bugs with each pack and many old bugs that needs to be fixed. But it doesn’t matter for EA because they know that people will still buy the next new pack. Why? Because of the brand. And because The Sims has no real competition, at least yet.

Another example: Apple. Personally, I don’t use Apple products so I won’t comment on their quality. But I remember when people talked about the new iPhone without a headphone jack. Again, I don’t know if it actually influenced the quality of a phone in a meaningful way, but it’s rather hard to not see it as a mechanism forcing people to buy wireless headphones. And again, Apple knows they can do that because people will still want to have the iPhone.

So, yeah. Capitalism.

And what a lovely segue to Eat Your Young it is!

Seriously, I love this song! I can’t help it but sway to it every time I hear it. Though I totally feel you – it is absolutely morbid! But it’s that clash that makes it so strong. By the way, my favourite part has to be:

Get some

Pull up the ladder when the flood comes

Throw enough rope until the legs have swung

Seven new ways that you can eat your young

Back in 2019, Hozier was performing on his tour one of his unreleased songs, But The Wages (which many suspects will be on the new full album). And in one video of this song, he said: “If you’re not making the right people uncomfortable you might be wasting your time as a musician”. I feel it’s basically gonna be a subtitle of Unreal Unearth.

And finally: YES, HIS ACCENT! 😄 I’d say I’m quite familiar with it as I listened to some interviews fairly recently (there was Blood Upon Snow not so long ago and now the new EP), but yes! The Irish accent is very lovely! :3

And I write Normal People down as another title to look into because I did hear about it, but I never paid more attention to it.

Anyway, I hope you’re doing well, too! 💖

[teopz]

How Te and Ti works

I was to stop making new ones for functions but I guess my interest came back for these. I haven’t fully grasped what the other functions are, but these are my initial thoughts for them. It would have been better to parallel Fi and Ti since they are technically similar but my previous posts paired both extroverted and introverted of one function, so I’ll just stick to it. I can’t find a mirror between both on how they work similar to what happens with Se and Si so I just drew it as how I understood it. Terms: OBJECT - anything that is real/present or can be perceived, event SUBJECT - you, the person doing the perception SUBJECTIVE FACTOR - past/present/future, experiences, etc. FACTS - definitions that are tangible or are true

INTROVERTED THINKING (Ti Dominant) - ITJ

First of all, I don’t see Accuracy as the main word for the function which is described by MBTI. It may be the end product though. It can be, in its core, correlated with PERSPECTIVE or just to be safe we can use CONCEPTS/THEORIES

- What Ti does is it usually sees an object or event which then an abstract thought pops up (sometimes it does this spontaneously) usually leading to a concept/theory which is still blurred. It then takes different perspectives of an object or objects breaking it down finding things that can justify on the concept/theory until it is finally formed/concluded. It feels like you’re trying to build something by looking on different things in different ways. When it is finally concluded, then this concept can be used on different objects/events.  An example would be this theory I had when I was still in college about “smart people being generally skinny”. It started with the thought of thinking/reading books/and using your brain needs a lot of glucose -> glucose is depleted thus fat is not stored (Yes fat comes from unused glucose). I then started observing the top students and true enough they are usually skinny or average in weight and included in different factors as well. But I never did conclude this theory because there are other factors that can still come into play.

MBTI or psychology in itself is full of concepts and theories that the Ti dom / Ti function would like to play and enjoy with since most of it are intangible.

Some Statements (not mine) about Ti which I found in a blog explaining Chapter X:

- I personally have a sort of Ti standard that if you cannot put it into simple terms then you do not understand it yourself. I feel negative when someone says, “It’s extremely complex, too hard to explain” Sure it takes time to make things simple and concise but don’t blame others for our own lack of Fe work and then belittle them, “You wouldn’t get it.” If you can’t Te and Fe it, then nobody can get it or trust that you yourself got it.

- That is because to attack his most function is to attack him. That is like a direct attack not to mention he does not trust the Fe to sympathize with the attacker. Not that he will attempt to press anyone with his convictions, but he will break out with retorts against every criticism, however just.

EXTROVERTED THINKING (Te dominant) - ETJ

Same with Ti, Te is not in its nature about Effectiveness. It can lead to everything being effective but the function itself is more of STANDARDIZATION. It’s not about having organizational skills or about scheduling as what MBTI describes.

- What Te does is that it collects a lot of facts and produces this what I believe is a filter. This filter is what we call a STANDARD/ SYSTEM. I’m not really sure how it is made but it’s there. Then with this standard it judges an object with facts about it and when all of the facts presented are true which then the object can be valued or is considered true.

An example would be an ENTJ friend of mine who shares about this “list of things to look for to consider her perfect boyfriend for her” which includes a basketball player, taller than her, smarter than her, more dominant, etc. And everyone who does not fit that criteria are all rejected and not given a chance at all. You may call them having high standards but that is what they perceive is true. Another instance would be having coworkers that are not up to her standards, she usually despises them, and she usually just does the work because she believes she can only trust herself.

Usually, they are skeptical to things that are not tangible to them or out of this world (ghosts).

Some Statements (not mine) about Te which I found in a blog explaining Chapter X:

- Te “produces” new facts that lead to mainstream truth. Concepts are “synthetic” and “predicative”. I think he (Carl Jung) is getting at the concept of gather vs organize here and noticing that Te is gathering for the mainstream good. It is going out and obtaining new data for them.

[ohpleaselarry]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022

Thank you @greenblueish and @brightgolden for the tag! I did this last year but I couldn’t find it haha, so if I have repeating answers, oh well! Here we go :)

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 7 (though it’d technically be more as the a-z series are separate fics)

2. Word count posted for the year: 314,557!

3. Fandoms I wrote for: one direction

4. Pairings: Larry

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: dont know its lost til you find it

Bookmarks: dont know its lost til you find it

Comments: Louis&Harry: A-Z

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

a-z for sure. It has, and continues to, push me like crazy to not only write an unfamiliar prompt, but also to write quicker than I usually do. (I say as I haven’t updated it in 6 months lmao)

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

honestly, this is something I never thought I’d say, but I’m rather proud of everything I’ve done this year. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so even if I’m happy enough to upload, ill always find something that could’ve been changed, but despite that I feel like I grow more and more every year.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

this is my least favourite question because I love each and every comment I get. I don’t have a specific one to shout-out, but I do have many users I look forward to seeing the comments of. Any comments that mention specific parts or quotes of the fic that they loved are always really lovely to read and make me smile so much.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

the last two months have been the hardest this year, which is probably clear by the lack of uploads. I started a new antidepressant in October and it’s taken a toll on me quite heavily physically, and therefore also on the creative side of myself. I’m settling into my dose, though, and have started to write consistently again these last few weeks! Not to mention my mental health is steadily increasing for the first time since I was 12 years old, so I definitely think this’ll be a great positive change for my writing.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

The alpha drop, probably. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be good, seeing as I couldn’t find anything on any omegaverse forums about alpha drops even being a thing, so I was sort of flying blind. Luckily, it seems to be taken well and in the end I rather liked it.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

This is a hard question, especially since I don’t enjoy rereading my fics, as I tend to only find mistakes, but I’m trying to get better at being proud of myself, so I’m going to cheat a little and say the whole introduction up to the boys meeting in night song is my favourite. Writing an au that isn’t my own makes it even harder to be proud of, especially when the source is something as incredibly well done as studio ghibli, but I truly tried my best to not only capture the essence of the original film, but also make it my own, and I’m quite proud of the fic as a whole.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Reckon I could look back and find a thousand different answers to this question, as I feel like I grow as a writer every few months, haha, but probably the biggest growth has been letting go of word count expectations. I used to be quite hard on myself about it, and would have a silly “minimum of 20k or nothing” rule for myself. Though I know I still have a ways to go in terms of writing self-love, allowing myself to write until it feels good, rather than when I’ve reached the “minimum” acceptable word count, has been an incredible weight off my shoulders. Writing shouldn’t be stressing me out, and it took me a long time to realise that, but I’m glad I have.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I hope to learn new writing patterns. I feel like there are a handful of parallels in all of my fics, and I’d like to move onto more varying ways of writing.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Unsure if this counts, and I’m 90% sure this was my answer last year as well, but it’ll definitely have to be music, usually classical or instrumentals. I listen to it every single time I write, and it is my biggest motivator.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I’ll be home tonight, definitely. I feel like there’s a bit of me in every fic I write, but that one was the most this year.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don’t give up a scene even if you think it’s shit. Finish it out, and move on to the next one. You can always go back and fix it later. Keeping the flow of non-block is much more important.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

I’m really hoping to finish a-z before 2023 is up, especially because I have another long series planned that I refuse to start before a-z is finished, as I’d hate to lose motivation for it.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like everyone’s done this already, so I tag anyone who’s read this and wants to do it :)

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Sisi und der Kaiserkuß (1991) [Sisi and the Emperor's Kiss]

I watched this one a few days ago as of writing this review, I usually write these on the same day as I watch the films so that its still fresh in my mind and I dont forget anything, but fortunately, this film is absolutely unforgettable

First things first, this was not the comedy that I talked about that I thought it was going to be, I'll see if I can find that one later, and I would also not describe it as a comedy at all but I still thought it was very funny in how strange it was. I dont want to go into detail about that rn though because I really want you to watch this film, and I want you to watch it with as few spoilers as possible for maximum impact, so I wont actually be telling you anything about the movie itself other than the fact that I really love it, its so strange with an almost dreamlike quality while still feeling very grounded in some kind of reality resembling our own and all the performances were really good. But if you do want me specifically to recount some scenes from this movie for you, I basically already did that when I ended up liveblogging this one, you should be able to find them under the tag #sisi und der kaiserkuß (1991) if only tumblr wasnt so broken

However, there is one thing that I can talk about without spoiling anything and really want to talk about, which is also my biggest complaint, and its the lack of Sisi in this film called 'Sisi und der Kaiserkuß'. And I mean, I think it is really good so I dont really think that that wouldve bothered me as much as it does, if it wasnt for the general lack of Sissi in what is ostensibly a Sissi-media marathon. Like, yeah, obviously Ive been watching all these Rudolf-films as well but they were supposed to be more of a bonus, but instead its like. Im having kind of a hard time putting this into words, but basically, this little project has been feeling very Rudolf-heavy because films about Rudolf get to just be about Rudolf (and specifically the Mayerling Incident) while most of the media that Ive categorized isnt really about Elisabeth in one way or the other.

Like, okay, lets look at the Sissi-media we've had so far: Kaiserin Elisabeth von Österreich (1921) was a thirty second short film showing Elisabeth's death; Die Tragödie derer von Habsburg (1928) was about the austrian monarchy falling apart and the way it showcased that was essentially by showing the Habsburgs dying, about half of it was just about rudolf and then it barely focused on Elisabeth's death; Elisabeth von Österreich (1931) was half-about Elisabeth, half-about Rudolf; Sissy (1932) was about Elisabeth albeit in a pretty ahistorical-seeming way but I dont actually mind that because it is a representation of one image of this woman that was floating around in the Zeitgeist at the time, same goes for The King Steps Out (1936) which was of course an adaptation of that operetta; from what I could tell, Erzsébet királyné (1940) was about Elisabeth's impact on Hungary but not really about her as a person, since the actual main character of that one was Ida; the main character of L'Aigle à deux Têtes (1948) was clearly modeled after Elisabeth (or atleast a particular image that people had of her at the time) and the whole setting is very imperial austria-core but its all ultimately fictional; the Sissi-trilogy movies (1955-1957) are all about her, again with dubious historical accuracy that i dont really mind; Elisabeth Kaiserin von Österreich (1972) was about her, but it was also a documentary that only ended up on my list on accident, I did not want to watch any documentaries as part of this because for the purposes of this project, Im not really interested in Empress Elisabeth as a historical figure but rather as a cultural icon.

And then theres also the two Ludwig-films which are technically on my list as Sissi-films because Wikipedia listed them as Sissi-films, which I loved and dont regret watching at all and Ludwig — Glanz und Ende eines Königs (1955) even had one of my favorite portrayals of Elisabeth so far, but yknow, shes obviously not the main character of those, which is fine because theyre Ludwig-movies but idk. To try and sum my thoughts on this up, I think the main thing that bothers me when talking about Sissi-media vs Rudolf-media (and even Ludwig-media) is that you could definitely say that a lot of Sissi-media is not really about its ostensible subject, but so far theres been only two Rudolf-movies that I could say the same thing about, Viza Privati, Pubbliche Virtú (1976) and Der Kronprinz (1989). And even then, you never have the issue where it feels like he has to share his movie with someone else.

Unsurpringly I do have a lot of feminist thoughts about all this media as a phenomenon and what it says about our society's attitude towards women, and unsurprisingly, a lot of them are pretty angry, but I wanna save those for the end of this project, so I'll just cut myself off right there

In conclusion: please please please watch this movie, im obsessed with it, I need more people to watch it, franz joseph spends like half the runtime just hangin out in this weird grimy room full of dirt for some reason, please please please

[smileymoth]

7, 8, 14

7. Who are some artists that have inspired you? This isn't a difficult question but it's hard to like... describe why someone inspires me. I think the 1 artist that has sort of guided me to find my art style is definitely godlyDescentUFO they mostly post on deviantart/twt of which i don't really use anymore. I still think about their art a lot, and often. The colour palettes they use and the composition and body language of the characters drawn... It's just special to me. I want to replicate it. One day. Again I feel like Ive been too sucked into fandom these past few years to really do what i want to but I'll... I'll explain that later .But yeah they've been my favourite artist ever since I found them. I feel like if you just go thru their gallery you can tell why I like them

Then there's clickbaitcowboy . He's on tumblr go give them a follow. he makes godly oc illustrations and his painting skills are so... so so so so AAHHH. Im in love fr I can't explain it. The shading makes me go insane and the way he draws out anatomy and muscles and fat and just bodies in general... god

supppe, another person who is on tumblr whose colour paletes bring me joy. He makes comics and his art style is super pleasing to the eye

And from current fandom I think everyone can agree that panidanya and wszczebrzyszynie are incredible artists . Panidanyas anatomy and painting skills kill me every time and wszczebrzyszynie has this really nostalgic(?) art style that my heart can get behind. It creates art with such passion and love, you know, you can't deny that. if you look at its art you just know

Other than that the main inspiration i guess comes from my friends, from my mutuals' art. It doesn't have to be something big. It can be as simple as a small detail in someones clothing or the facial expressions. God this reminds me I miss my friends art. Evan you need to make more art I miss you

8. How would you describe your art style?

Matured deviantart emo semirealism. I dont think semi realism really fits my style bc it still feels too cartoony to me. I dont think my art style is really all that well developed idk it lacks identity to me but Im also hyper critical of my art

14. Do you prefer to make fan content or original content? This is a tricky goddamn question I thought about this for like 5 minutes and now Im even more confused. I am an oc artist first. I don't like "original" art in the sense of those paintings that just exist in a vacuum with no character stories behind them. I want something you can follow, you know. I want there to be some form of a story. which i guess is my downfall sometimes. When i draw fandom art i feel like they're also my ocs. esp bc its... its mcyt... You kind of have to make it into your oc because you have 16x16 pixel canvas and someones 2010 kakashi skin to work with.

On the other hand, bc i'm an oc artist, Im making 'fan content' of my ocs. Technically. Do yuo follow. So me drawing my babyboy Daniel 400+ times in a decade is kind of like fan content but Im the only fan... So whats original content and whats fan content.

I do feel like being so intertwined in fandom content may have hindered my art development a little bit, since I completely stopped drawing my ocs for a little while. I didn't get to explore their lives through art as much as I would've wanted to. I haven't been drawing as many backgrounds because I do enjoy mostly drawing interiors and there's not much interiors to talk about when it comes to mcyt... And ive also just been lacking motivation for it.

All in all i think i enjoy "original" art more, because it gives me more, it gives more to my heart. It's not that i don't enjoy drawing mcyt, but I think I should maybe try to draw mcyt in a more personal? matter? Without too much fandomification? I want to make more art that has "meaning" per say, with backgrounds, a story behind them. (this is just for me and what i want to get out of art, this doesn't apply to anyone else. it's such a slippery slope bc i know saying these things may feel hurtful to others but i am only talking about myself.... okay T_T) I dont know if any of this makes sense. I'm always lost in my direction with art and going to art school didn't make it any better <3

I do think that because I've been going thru a lot of personal warfare in the past 3 years, fandom HAS helped me in the sense that it helps me with creativity, since i have been severely lacking in creative thinking, I just struggle with it nowadays, so if I can draw ethubs making out under a tree bc they did so in episode 402 out of season 194 then so be it, at least it'll help me create

[strangepathshikingclub]

🌲Hello and welcome!🌲

This is the sideblog of the Strange Paths Hiking Club for all our system stuff. (We used to be known as Team Mesa, if that rings a bell for anyone)

Generally Useful Info:

We are bodily 21

We’re white and Canadian, and we live in Mi’kma’ki

Sometimes we’re one person, sometimes not. It’s weird.

In the case that we are one person, you can refer to that person as Niamh or Sunrise. They use they/them pronouns, they’re a nonbinary lesbian, and they love a good ghost story.

Due to the inconsistency in how many people there are in the SPHC, it’s hard to say how big the system is at any given moment. At the time of writing this, our numbers are ambiguous and rapidly-shifting because of stress in our current lives.

We may be traumagenic but we do not conform well to medical ideas of plurality. We technically meet the criteria for P-DID? But only barely. It’s a weird situation out here.

On a similar note, we don’t really bother with role labels. We respect people who do, of course— they just don’t work well for us.

Use they/them pronouns for us as a whole. Some of us use different pronouns individually though

We’re studying for a bachelors’ degree in history!!

We practice witchcraft, mostly of the green variety.

We’re autistic and have ADHD. If we struggle to figure out your tone over text, that’s why. Sorry

Okay but who the hell are any of you

Niamh: they/them, described above, also sort of exists whenever we’re out of singlet mode (but is like. different??? in a weird way. they get simplified, for lack of a better word)

Glitch: he/it, does a lot of behind-the-scenes work, sort of technically a demon but it’s chill

Melody: she/they, possibly our first ever fronter, tends to be younger than body age (she is 16 at the time of writing)

Thistle: they/wisp, has some difficulties with speaking and focusing, likes the colour grey. Probably the most obvious one of us when fronting, due to wisps higher voice and unusual behaviour. They’re cool though

Velvet: she/her, a cool woman who gets angry on our behalf. Perhaps a little too angry sometimes. Used to be a persecutor but has since sorted that shit out

James: he/him, helps us do unpleasant social tasks (emails, asking for help, etc.). Very matter-of-fact, sometimes irritable but not externally

Kallie: she/they, alt girl, recovering from normalcy and making myself strange again. I’m writing my own bio now btw hello

Gio: he/him, jjba fictive with minimal similarities to his source, (still very interested in nature, though), inexplicably here for emotional support.

Nix: he/they, teenage vocaloid fan, kind of edgy (self-described)

Various others who aren’t interested in this blog!

Rules and regulations:

If you’re a bigot of any variety, find somewhere else to go. We can’t stop you but rest assured you are not wanted here.

Related to the above point: this system supports freedom for Palestine. If that bothers you, consider leaving us alone (and also consider reassessing your opinions, values, and current level of knowledge. and, if that doesn’t fix the problem, consider getting a fucking heart.)

No exclusionists either!! Specifically in regards to queerness and plurality.

None of us even want to touch the transid discourse but y’all can also leave, thanks. “But that contradicts the last point—“ no it doesn’t. When your ideas start to cause harm, that is when you have violated the social contract and are thus exempt from its benefits

This is a drama free zone. Please do not drag us into The Nonsense

We used to have a tagging system, but it has since fallen apart. We’ll try to tag anything triggering though, feel free to ask if you need us to tag something specific

Enjoy your travels, and stay safe!

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

[foulserpent]

animal cognition is in general so difficult to talk about because like you have to be operating on so many levels to make sure you and the audience are on the same page

like i can say "yes, dogs do feel happy" meaning they experience the same neurochemical conditions that we do when we experience happiness or fear or sadness, and we would likely understand what they feel as happiness if we could experience it. and someone else can say "no, dogs dont feel happy" because 'happiness' as we describe it is thru a wholly human cognitive lens that other animals arent going to Technically experience in the same way, and they want to make sure im not anthropomorphizing .

and we're both kinda saying the same thing, and both ways of saying it are somewhat reductive (im describing it in a way that the audience can understand as humans but without the technicality that we cannot ascribe the subjective intricacies of human emotions to nonhuman animals. theyre describing the chemical reality WITH the technicality that we cant ascribe the exact human experience of happiness to nonhuman animals, but lacking the component to help the audience understand that yeah, its still something like what we would call happiness).

so in the end its really hard to communicate this to an audience, BECAUSE cognition as we experience it is fundamentally thru the human lens of our brains and culture and language, and neither the technical or intuitive side is really a complete description of reality

[musette22]

Unpopular opinion time: I keep trying and trying to read Stucky soulmate fics, because objectively I know the trope should be perfect for these two characters who are pretty much the embodiment of it, and I know soulmate fics are very popular. But despite having read dozens of fics and some with thousands of kudos, I haven't found more than one or two that I actually felt were satisfying. Of course, I may have just read the wrong ones, and I know there are still a lot of them out there that I haven’t tried, but I always feel like there's something… lacking, that I usually find in other kinds of Stucky fics?

By the way, I don’t tend to share a lot of my unpopular opinions on here (even though I have many) because I don't want to make others feel like I think there's something wrong with something they like. So if you’re a big fan of the soulmate trope in Stucky fic, please don’t read this post, because I know it can suck when someone talks about why they don’t like something you enjoy! This post isn’t meant to start discourse, just more of a way for me to order my thoughts, because I’ve been mulling this over in my mind for like a week now and I’m still trying to pinpoint why I think the trope just isn’t for me.

I’ll put the rest of this under the cut ‘cause it’s kinda long and rambly

I think my biggest issue is that in most soulmate AUs, everyone has a soulmate, or at least most people do. It’s a more or less ordinary thing, and for me that just makes that bond and connection between Steve and Bucky less extraordinary. A big part of the attraction of Stucky for me is the fact that their love and bond transcends what most other people experience in their lives. It’s special, unique. And in most soulmate fics, the soulmate bond – despite its depth and intensity and significance – is a common occurrence. 

But even in fics where not everyone has a soulmate, and it only happens to the lucky few, I guess I just don’t really see the added value of the soulmate ‘label’?

I know soulmateism is this grand romantic ideal, and in some ways it is, of course. But I can't help but feel like it's somehow less romantic than the 'I choose you' or ‘I love you despite the odds’ kinds of love, which I think are the two most common ‘types’ of love in Stucky fics. I'm finding it really hard to put my finger on why exactly I feel that way, and I think the closest I can get to an answer is that the soulmate thing feels almost clinical to me sometimes, despite the epic, cosmic predestination and strong pull between souls that is usually described.

I know that technically, all love could be described as a biological instinct or chemical process, but with the soulmate trope that clinical aspect of it feels amped up, somehow. Something that bothers me is the idea that these people don't have much, if any (depending on the fic) say in the matter. When Steve and Bucky are described as soulmates, especially in fics where everyone has one, it means that there are circumstances beyond their control that make them perfect for each other, that have decided that they will love each other. And sure, in a lot of fics they also get to know each other and there’s some mention of how they would’ve also fallen in love if they hadn’t been soulmates, but in those cases I just can’t help but think: then why did they need to be ‘soulmates’?

Isn’t it much more special and romantic when it’s just two strangers getting to know each other and falling in love and choosing each other as the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with (as in most AUs)? Or when it’s childhood friends who know each other through and through and who love each other because of the person they are, and despite the odds often being stacked against them (as in most canon(-adjacent) fics)?

Of course there's always an element of destiny and fate with Steve and Bucky, and don’t get me wrong: I adore that. That’s my jam. In canon, these two share share a connection beyond anything other people experience in their lives, something that’s more powerful than mind control, more persistent than ‘death’, more enduring than an average human lifespan. And the whole point of AUs, in a way, is proving over and over - and this is actually is what the concept of soulmates means to me personally, I think - that these two are meant to be together in any universe, no matter the circumstances.

And I guess that’s exactly it. Steve and Bucky’s love isn’t merely a product of circumstance, it’s stronger than circumstance. For me, the love and bond between Steve and Bucky is something more complex and profound than the two of them merely being a predestined match, like some sort of cosmic tinder. Designating them as soulmates almost sort of cheapens what they have, in my view. I don’t know if that makes any sense, it probably doesn’t, but this is the closest I can get to explaining why most soulmate fics leave me feeling a little unsatisfied 😅

If anyone has any other thoughts or view on this they’d like to share, please feel free, but again: it’s not meant to start discourse and I’m not saying my opinion is true and anyone else’s is wrong. I know a lot of it is subjective and just a matter of personal preference so it’s totally fine if you feel differently ❤️

[writefightandflightclub]

I really enjoyed your Nathan fluff 🥺 we love this angry peach fuzz king 👑💖 would you ever write him being comforted after having a nightmare? 💕

First of all, LOL @ “angry peach fuzz king” 🤣🤣🤣

Second of all, here you go! 🧡 I will warn you - I think I forgot the fluff a little bit though. It became more hurt / comfort? More angst than expected? It ends nicely though and comfort is given to Nathan - but only after I’ve subjected him to rattling around in his own head and house for a bit.

Through the looking glass (Nathan Bateman x GN!reader)

Summary: Nathan has nightmares after The Incident. After so long alone, he doesn’t realise how badly he needs a little comfort - and maybe he doesn’t believe that he deserves it.

Author’s note: hopefully this isn’t too similar to All Better. I know they both take place post-stabbing, but I tried to give this a different focus. I know I could have made the nightmares based off of anything given the ask, but this timeline / focus seemed most sensible to explore the character.

Warnings: nightmares following traumatic incident (a stabbing); mentions of blood and injury - not graphic. Self-harm (punching the bag until injury); Body horror if you squint (some gruesome descriptions occurring in-dream, but fairly abstract); swearing; implied alcoholism recovery if you squint; mentions of therapy; Nathan mildly injured in fic; reader offering comfort.

Rating: MATURE for themes mentioned above.

GIF: by @santiagogarcia (this whole gifset is magic- check it out + reblog!)

Nathan wakes up breathless, plastered to the covers by a sheen of sweat - and not in a good way. On instinct, or out of habit by now, or maybe somewhere between the two, his palm slides over his body to the site of the wound.

He is so slick that he half-believes he is soaked with dank, deep blood again, until his fingers trace over nothing more than a half-concave, half-ridged scar. The lack of searing pain is the next point of evidence leading him towards an alternative conclusion. He’s not dying (again).

It’s just another gruesome nightmare.

Although… there is nothing “just” about it.

The nightmares are pretty brutal. Brutal enough for him to wake with ragged breaths and a hammering heart, his sheets dampened and coiled up around him. Enough that it takes effort to sift through the layers of terror and distinguish reality.

With what can only be described as a whimper, Nathan swings his legs over the edge of the bed, bringing himself into a seated position and bracing his head in his hands until his racing heart levels.

In his mind, he’s telling himself to be logical about this. That Ava hasn’t truly arrived to finish the job she started; but logic is not the safe haven it used to be.

She could come back.

She’s still out there, somewhere, and Nathan distinctly got the impression, last time, that she was vehemently not a fan of him.

His hand trembling, Nathan reaches for the glass of water by his bedside, glugging it down so eagerly it spills into his bushy beard.

Since the… accident? Malfunction? Functioning just fine, actually? Failed experiment? Greatest achievement known to man? Attempted murder? (Truth be told, Nathan isn’t quite sure what to call it, so he simply calls it The Incident.)

Since The Incident, Ava has begun to regularly visit him in his sleep.

The visitations are not waning with time. In fact, they are happening more often, not less. They are happening more since you moved into the house.

It’s a bad fucking time to have quit drinking.

You’d been sent by the board. Something about Nathan taking “tortured genius” a slice too literally. Something about him being in isolation too long and needing another human around in the compound.

Well, that’s not technically true, is it? The shit all started when he opted to get social, after all.

Fucking Caleb.

Before that, he was doing just fine.

Nathan doesn’t like it at all - having you here. Being watched. Observed. Having someone monitoring his actions. Waiting for him to either fuck up or prove himself.

Ironic really, considering where he kept Ava. The experiments he ran on her.

She’d probably find it poetic, if she could truly understand such a concept.

At the thought of her, Nathan physically shudders, and reaches for an old vest to haphazardly mop the excess sweat from his skin. Then, he balls up a change of clothes and tracks nude to his wet room, feeling relief as the luke warm water sluices over his skin.

He watches himself in the mirror as he stands there naked. It’s not a vanity thing - at least not any longer. These days, he examines the way his form has changed since it happened. He lost some of his muscle and bulk during recovery, whilst unable to exercise, his arms slightly smaller and his abs softer. His stomach a little more rounded.

There’s also the puckered scar, of course - that permanent reminder of where he was skewered through the chest like a piece of kebab meat.

His gaze travels up over his body, until his eyes settle on his still haunted face. He doesn’t have his glasses on, and somewhere between the blurred vision, misted mirror, clouding steam and sluicing water, his reflected face distorts. It transforms - for the briefest of moments - into her.

Still amped with adrenalin from his harsh awakening, this briefest flash sends a surge of panic zipping through Nathan’s chest, his heartbeat racing so hard he can feel the pounding of blood in his ears.

Fuck, he curses, reaching his arms out to brace himself against the shower wall above him, his body trembling and his head dipping down between the cradle of his broad shoulders as his legs threaten to buckle.

He turns the water cold, until it is practically glacial and thundering on to the back of his neck, subduing this spiking heat.

She really did a fucking number on me, didn’t she?

It’s true though.

Ava is haunting him. When he sleeps - and at other times too.

Nathan didn’t know robots could do that. Didn’t know they could spawn ghosts.

Nathan doesn’t believe in ghosts, of course… but he does believe in trauma and its effect on the brain. He at least concedes that it is natural to continue to feel afraid; but this?

Being dogged by the spectre of her taps into Nathan’s deepest insecurities.

After all, there is nothing a genius fears more than doubting his own mind.

Nothing a God fears more than his own mortality.

And the man? Turns out, there is nothing he fears more now, than dying alone.

With a ragged breath, Nathan towels off and pulls on his grey sweatpants, tugging on his black zip-up hoody over his bare chest. And then, keen not to return to his damp, tangled sheets, he tracks towards the kitchen - mainly for want of any more favourable option.

Of course, he had returned to the compound after The Incident. Something about that many fibre optic cables being a bitch to lay down. Sunk cost fallacy and all that - too much already invested.

But it possibly wasn’t the best choice for his recovery.

Nathan has certainly gotten more used to walking down that hallway since he returned from the hospital, and yet he still finds himself holding his breath until he is free of it. Still finds his pace is just a little faster as he passes through. His gaze deliberately averted from that spot.

Once, you’d found him lying in it.

Lying in that exact spot, his body arranged like a crime scene photo, his eyes closed.

Hey, it’s hardly his least healthy coping mechanism, is it?

What in the fuck are you doing, Nathan?

Re-enacting my death, obviously.

Uh-Kay…. A beat. A devious smile. Shall I get some popcorn?

Absurd as it was, he had laughed. Laughed for the first time since it happened, and, with an extended hand, you had helped him up off the floor.

Still, now that he’s alone, he does not dwell in the corridor, colder and darker as it is without your light in it, and he tries not to think about your face or hers as he pads to the kitchen.

When he arrives though, he bypasses it entirely - heading out on to the decking, the crisp night air soothing his hot skin.

He wants to be outside.

There are too many ghosts in his house now.

He has tried to shake it. Tried to desensitise himself to Ava’s face. Spent longer than strictly necessary poring over footage of her.

He built her. Shouldn’t that take the fear out of things? Not to mention the fact Ava’s face was simply a composite of some manipulable nerd’s wank bank browsing history.

Fucking Caleb.

Still, once Nathan had looked her in the eyes and seen a rage that was all too human, things seemed a hell of a lot different.

Nathan crosses to the punchbag on the deck -lit by creeping dawn- on instinct, or out of habit, or maybe some combination of the two, his unease riling him enough to sock some punches at its midsection. Right at the equivalent site of his corporeal puncture.

He punches so hard that the skin on his knuckle splits, but Nathan doesn’t stop. He throws punch after punch until his hands are scathed and bloodied, and a trail of spit hanging from the corner of his mouth. Until he hugs the bag - the closest thing he has to a warm body to hold - and slides down it, coming limply to his knees, wiping his face on his sleeve.

He stays there, dead eyed and still for some time, the pain in his hands raw and singing. Unpleasant, but better. Better than what he was feeling, and worse all at once.

He considers his tired, cumbersome body, and contemplates remaking the world one more time. Uploading his mind into a machine or some shit, so that he doesn’t have to contend with the fragility and failings of his own existence.

He stays there, until some motion in the interior of the compound causes the light and shadows to dance differently over him, and he looks up to see your figure there, cast in a soft halo of yellowed light.

He tips his head up slightly, opening his mouth as though he might cry out to you for help, but no sound comes out - only a thin, dry croak.

So, instead, Nathan watches you for a moment, moving seamlessly around his kitchen as though it is your own. Maybe it is - more yours than his now.

Observing you like this, through the tall, cinematic windows, it is as though he peers in on another world entirely. Something less resembling a nightmare.

Lighter than that. Something more like a good dream, albeit a good dream that Nathan cannot be part of. One he can only ever watch, from the outside looking in, always fated as he is to be on the other side of the glass.

Truth be told, you haunt him too. You represent everything he could have and yet doesn’t deserve.

You appear in his nightmares and his dreams, in various terrifying and beautiful incarnations. Many variations of which his therapist would have a field day with, he’s sure - or, she would, if he’d ever fucking call her.

When you first arrived here, he was plagued by grotesque visions of you. Grotesque visions of the skin being peeled back from your body. Sometimes, circuitry beneath, and other times, muscle and bone. Sometimes, Ava’s face was buried beneath the chilling slip of your fleshy mask.

Sometimes it is a better dream. Sometimes you save him. Sometimes he saves you.

Sometimes it is a good dream. Ava isn’t there at all. But the good dreams never seem to last for long. 

Sometimes you kill him, and sometimes...

The glass door slides open.

“Reenacting your own death again, are you?” you tease, though not unkindly, interrupting the spiral of Nathan’s incessant thoughts.

A lump forming instantly in his throat, Nathan swallows thickly, and looks up at you helplessly with a thin, joyless smile. He snorts as though it’s funny, but it really isn’t. “Over and fucking over.” 

You nod once, and, without hesitation, you extend your hand towards him. Your gaze cuts through him as you search his face and he feels suddenly see-through, as if he’s about to be hit with some Shyamalan-esque twist. Was he the ghost all along? Did he die here after all?

If so, is this purgatory because Ava is here too, or heaven, because you are?

Christ. So fucking schmaltzy, Bateman.

After hesitating, Nathan takes your hand and you yank him to his feet, drawing him inside, through the looking glass.

The room seems warm on the other side. It feels… safe.

“What happened?” you ask, as you look down at your joined hands, your thumb painting a smear of red across his split knuckles. 

You mean now. What happened now, but Nathan’s mind harks back further than that. In his mind, everything is connected. Every thing threaded to another. This one smear of blood to that weeping flower of red.

The thought -the thoughts, all of them- halt him in place, his feet firmly planting on the ground. Nathan’s hand clenches tightly around yours as though it is a lifeline, as he is cast adrift on this familiar crimson tide, his face growing increasingly angular and stern.

“She...” He swallows, unable to complete that precise thought, his eyes dropping down to his feet.

You turn your body towards Nathan as he croaks, still not letting go.

Your eyes flitting around his face, attempting to search his eyes, you tentatively step closer, sliding your palms slowly over his tense shoulders, feeling them rise with an uneven, stuttered breath as you do so.

He’s so tired. He’s so very, very tired.

And it happens all at once on the exhale.

Suddenly, your arms are tugging him closer, and his face is contorting as a violent smattering of tears beads in his long lashes. You are encasing his body in your embrace and rubbing circles into his back as his buzzed head sags all too willingly toward the junction of your shoulder, your fingers splaying along the smooth flesh at the nape of his neck and pads dancing over the gentle prickle of his hair. You are shushing and soothing and reassuring and squeezing and smoothing and cradling and Nathan can feel it. Can feel his heart race in his chest and…

Finally.

Finally, his heart is not pounding because he is reliving his death.

It is pounding because he feels alive again.

When was the last time he cried, even? The last time someone really hugged him? He doesn’t remember the last time. The serendipitous combination of Nathan willing to be vulnerable, and another being willing to hold space for his pain is an all too rare thing.

There’s a reason -or several - he’s so emotionally constipated, after all.

Fuck. I’m taking a huge emotional shit right now.

Nathan remains in the welcome circumference of your arms longer than is strictly necessary - until the tear trails over the bridge of his nose begin to feel cloying. Until his breaths steady, and until his thoughts and ego creep back in. Until he notices the way his hands are clasped at your waist like claws, fingers sinking into your softness, and he thinks to release you.

Then, he leans away, a weight on his brow making his expression stern.

He waits for you to judge him, another swallow trailing thickly down his throat.

However, your eyes are kind and level, dancing with soft concern. Not with judgement or satisfaction or pity, or with anything he fears.

It is refreshing not to feel so afraid.

Finally.

“She…” Nathan begins again, finally finding courage. All at once his eyebrows shoot up towards his hairline. “She fucking stabbed me.”

You take his words in. You listen.

His “reveal” is simple. Plain and factual. A little indignant. Kinda salty. It’s not overly emotional, or articulate.

But it is enough.

Your eyes narrow, and you nod slowly, trying to understand the true meaning beneath his words.

You even reach up to cup Nathan’s face, his springy beard a cushion beneath your gentle palm as you hold him. “Yeah, genius,” you tease, with a tentative, lopsided smile, dropping your arm all too suddenly, perhaps as you catch yourself. “I got that from context.”

In response, Nathan chucks air from between his teeth, bringing his hand up to comb through his beard - perhaps to obscure his involuntary smile, or perhaps chasing your tender touch, the impression of it left warm on his cheek.

As he brings his hand up, your brows draw together, and you hook his bloodied paw delicately in yours, examining the wound, and leading him gingerly across to the couch as though his whole being might be hurting along with it.

It is.

You order him to stay put while you fetch the first aid kit, and then, in stages, Nathan watches you with fascination as you painstakingly clean and tend to his wounds, without ever being asked to.

He watches you carefully swipe the angry red away from his skin, and, to his overactive mind, it’s all connected. This red is one and the same with the flower of blooming red from The Incident.

Ava hurt him then, and she is hurting him now too.

And you…

“Going to tell the board about this?” Nathan asks, his voice weak and scuffed.

You search his eyes, holding your words back for a moment before answering. Then, you launch them on a big breath. “Fuck the board, Nathan. I told those assholes to stick it.”

Nathan blinks in confusion, shaking his head, his hand flourishing emphatically through the air. “Then… what the fuck are you still doing in my house?”

“Well. I’m… here for you,” you admit, sucking in air through your teeth, your voice shrinking. “If you want that.”

Well, that’s news to him.

Welcome news, perhaps?

You’re not watching him at all, are you? Not observing. Not asking him to evidence his humanity. Not waiting to see whether he fucks up or proves himself.

Instead, you’re seeing him. You’re seeing him and you’re not running.

Nathan had begun to think that maybe he was the nightmare. He’d begun to think he might always be haunted.

Always alone. That he might die that way; again.

And now, here you are.

Nathan thinks about that. He could so easily revert to his old ways, in this moment. Of pride and ego and stubborn independence.

But, perhaps those assholes from the board got a few things right - he’ll admit.

Maybe he had been in isolation too long. Maybe he didn’t need to take “tortured genius” quite so literally.

And so, Nathan almost protests. Almost rejects your presence and your comfort and pushes you away. But the truth is, he’s just so… tired. He’s had so many nightmares, and this time, he’d like to be on the other side of the glass. He’d like to step into that dream.

Nathan takes a deep breath, and releases on the exhale. Releases more than air.

He slowly, ever so slowly, shifts towards you on the couch, angling his body until he can safely dip his head towards your lap, his nose pointed in towards your abdomen and his knees curling around you.

“Th.. this okay?” he asks weakly.

You throw your splayed hands up into the air in surprise as the weight of Nathan settles there, but as he curls his arms around your middle and shuffles closer, you ease into it. You snake your fingers in intricate caresses over his head and neck and shoulders.

“Yeah, Nathan. This is okay,” you soothe gently, voice taut with emotion.

You comfort him.

And finally, Nathan does not need to peel your skin back to know what’s underneath.

He knows you’re not a robot, and that, as your kind touch finds him corporeal, that he is not a ghost.

He closes his eyes. And this time, when he next wakes, he knows that whether the dream is bad or better or good, it doesn’t matter. Because you will be there with him.

He wants you with him.

It’s not at all natural to him, to have you around. For the longest time, he didn’t like it. It didn’t come instinctually, and he has formed no familiar habits.

It isn’t easy - he doesn’t make it easy.

But he wants it to be.

And, in your arms, he can finally dream that it will all work out. What’s more; he can dream he deserves it, too.

[flayote]

has there ever been a skin thats frustrated you to hell and back?

OH BOY there have been several :’-)

this dog frustrated me into buying a $600+ fleshing machine. i mean, i had plans to buy one anyway and was saving up for it, but i wanted to save up a little more first so i wouldn’t be dropping all my money at once. that dog was torture though- trying to shave a skin that size with just a tiny little skife is just impossible, i mentioned in that post how i lost feeling in my finger for a few days after spending so long trying to shave it. even then i’d barely gotten anywhere. the skin was too thick to not thin it down though, it need to be at least half as thick as it was in order to tan properly. the only possible way to thin it enough was a fleshing machine, so i ended up draining my bank account and buying one a few months before i had really planned to

i thought having a fleshing machine would save me from all thick skin related frustrations, but then i encountered the vile, wicked, evil two-toed sloth... my GOD these were horrible. their neck skin is thicker than it has any right to be, it’s like half an inch thick, but that’s fine honestly, you can just slice it down like butter with the machine, easy. the issue they introduced me to is one i hadn’t yet considered: lack of elasticity in the skin. i had noticed some animals have stretchier skin than others, but i never imagined a species could have NO stretch to their skin AT ALL no matter how thin you get it. 

why would this be an issue though? well, what do you do to break/soften leather? you stretch it. but what happens when it...doesn’t stretch? you must destroy your wrists and hands crumpling it like a piece of paper over and over for hours, essentially manually doing what those huge 8ft tall tumblers that tanneries use do. those sloths were so damn difficult to soften, no matter how hard i tried or how much oiled them they still came out pretty stiff. the trouble didn’t end there either. 

their neck skin was still decently thick even after going as thin as i could before i’d cut into the hair follicles, and sloth necks have a pretty small diameter. thick, stiff leather + small diameter = impossible to flip the damn thing right-side out after the leather is dry. the first one i did took HOURS slowly trying to flip the head through the neck hole. it’s such a weird problem idk if what i’m describing makes sense it but it was absolutely infuriating. (technically i could have easily made a relief cut in the neck and saved myself a ton a trouble but i was extremely determined not to do that i guess lol. it was less of an issue after i did a couple more sloths and got better at softening them, but still took a lot of effort flipping them)

everything else is a piece of cake in comparison to the sloths but i also thought of this terrible jerky badger. i spent hours trying to shave that horrible grease burned slab of gristle in multiple different attempts over a couple years and got nowhere, then tried again when i got a shaving machine. but sadly i got a little overconfident after doing a good job on the neck (the thickest part), and ended up destroying the body where the skin was thinner. i’m sad i don’t have a nice pelt to show for all the time and effort i put into that badger, but you have to sacrifice one or two pelts to the machine to earn its favor unfortunately