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thewindsofsong · 4 years

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Ok ok ok!!! So last night I had a dream that I rec’ed a dmbj/svsss crossover fanfic, but never actually read the fic. Then I woke up because my cat was yowling in the middle of the night.

After talking with @1ebilcat and @merinnan for a while, I managed to flesh out a basic outline of what that fic might look like. Please know that because this is a crossover with svsss, there is papapa mentioned. several times.... (nothing actually explict is described because that would make this not a not-fic)

So one day SQQ and SQH are messing around trying to figure out what this new “unique one of a kind treasure” does when SQH accideny drops some melon seeds on it or something and it suddenly activates.

Meanwhile in dmbj world, the Iron Triangle are pretty much retired from the whole tomb raiding business, but still run Wushanju (better now that wu xie actually concentrates on running it instead of running off every week). Someone comes in with a strange artifact that they found while clearing out a deceased relatives store room they want to sell. Wu xie buys it because he’s never seen anything like it before and wants to research it.

Xiaoge gets super weird vibes from the object, but it doesn’t seem overtly menacing, so he leaves wu xie be (if wu xie is preoccupied he gets in marginally less trouble). However, when xiaoge touches the object with wu xie and Pangzi nearby, it grows a point and gives xiaoge a paper cut. The blood touches the object and it activates.

One blinding flask of light and disorienting tumble latter, they find themselves at the foot of a picturesque mountain with a gate that labels them at the foot of cang qiong mountain. They’re quickly found by the cang qiong crew and everyone is super weird out by each other. Things happen and eventually LBH crashes in and says his shizun is missing mobei-jun is there too because SQH is also missing. More communication happens and everyone realizes this is the artifact’s fault. No one knows where the artifact is.

Meanwhile SQQ and SQH wake up someone completely unfamiliar to either of them. After using magic to light things up, they see that they are in a tomb absolutely covered in different depictions of penises: there’s pictures on the walls, statues of men with WAY TOO BIG penises, sooooo many dildos. Queue SQQ immediately launching himself at SQH with a shriek of outrage because “THERE’S NO WAY THIS ISN’T YOUR FAULT YOU SHITTY HACK AUTHOR!!”

Back with the iron triangle, there’s a research montage going on as they and other CQ sect member scour the libraries for any information about the mcguffin that caused all this randomness. At some point in all of this, iron triangle go to MQF to see if he can take a look at Xiaoge regarding his memory problems. After some more research, MQF learns about an herb that could stabilize his qi and stabilize the fluctuations that cause his amnesia.

Turns out that while proper cultivation doesn’t exist in dmbj world, the Zhang family line has managed to cultivate the family line to extended life but because they’re the only ones that can (maybe due to bronze gate?) it has a lot of dangers.

The herb needed is of course incredibly rare and only found in some horribly dangerous location. Xiaoge wants to go alone because he doesn’t want wu xie and pangzi to be in danger, but knows that they won’t be left behind. There’s some agnst had about how Xiaoge feels he’s brought pain and suffering to wu xie and pangzi, but of course neither of them are having any of it. The three of them talk about how they’ve never regretted meeting each other and how the adventures they’ve shared have brought meaning and joy into their lives.

The three of them cobble together some hotpot and spend the night before setting off soaking their feet side by side, content and secure in their bonds with each other. Its very sweet.

The next day, the three of them set off with LQG and LBH. Right before arriving at the location, bullshit happens and Iron Triangle get trapped in the location where the herb is located and trigger a wife plot in which papapa is the only way out. Iron triangle proceeds to have incredibly kinky marathon sex. LBH and LQG can only listen awkwardly from the boundary, not able to get through, but also not wanting to leave completely just in case something else happens. The sexual tension between LBG and LQG grows to new heights. Neither will do anything about it until SQQ is back home safe.

After the marathon is over and iron triangle has time to actually sleep, the three of them get cleaned up with the herb in tow and head back to Cang Qiong. They get the herb to MQF who tells them it will take at least a day to prepare the pill for xiaoge to take. That night, Iron triangle has sweet, tender, affirming sex because while they all agree that while xiaoge not losing his memories every few decades is for the better, it also means that he’ll have to carry the memories of wu xie and pangzi long after they’er gone, with no hope of them ever being together again. Xiaoge assures wu xie and pangzi that this is what he wants, to know that at least at some point, he loved and was loved, that he had a connection to this world and that his life has meaning beyond his obligations to the Zhang clan. Wu xie and pangzi make xiaoge promise to live on after they pass and to find him in their next lives.

Xiaoge takes the pill and the search for a way back home continues again in earnest. Eventually, LBH travels back to the demon realm and figures out how to track the artifact through space and time because his protag halo is too strong to keep him away from his love interest for too long.

Wu xie and pangzi learn some basic meditation techniques that disciples would learn when first arrive at the mountain. Its too late for them to cultivate to longevity and there’s no guarantee that its even possible in their home world to cultivate if you aren’t a Zhang. Regardless, wu xie and pangzi don’t want immortality, they just want to spend as much time as they can with xiaoge. Wu xie is gifted a flute made with special bamboo and pangzi is gifted a wine jug from Zui Xian Peak. Both have spiritual properties that may or may not be able to function when back home, but they’er good gifts given in good faith.

LBH, losing patience, forces iron triangle to get moving so he can save SQQ. He bursts through time and space and iron triangle plus LBH, MBJ, and LQG end up in dmbj world, in Wushanju. After scaring the crap out of Wang Meng, the group realizes that while several days have passed in svsss world, its only been a few hours since iron triangle was pulled away. Which is good because Ershu was likely to call in an army if wu xie went missing for no apparent reason. The whole thing would have been way too messy. Probably more than one person would have died.

What follows is a night of LBH, LQG, and MBJ attempting different divination spells to try and pin point the exact location of SQQ and SQH to varying degrees of success. None of them are good at divination. Regardless, the three of them manage to get a general location of where the two missing peak lords might be and the iron triangle gets to work searching the internet for any rumors or information of any tombs that might be in the area. (Its just wu xie and pangzi looking, but xiaoge standing around still in his beautiful borrowed robes from CQ is good moral support.)

They hear about some local legends about an ecentric noble from a bygone era that was buried in a very peculiar tomb. Potential tomb located, the whole group prepares to head out. the SVSS gang is convinced to not fly over immediately because that would be waaaaay to flashy and draw unwanted attention to them that would delay things even more. The six of them cram in together into the van and head off. Svss gang are forced into modern clothing and are def a little too big to comfortably sit in the van. LBH hits his head on a doorway at least once on this adventure. At lease two women and maybe a guy slip their numbers to him too. The man is supernaturally gorgeous.

After some more road trip shenanigans, they arrive at the rumored entrance to the tomb and head in. The tomb has a few traps here and there, but is practically child’s play for the iron triangle to get through. Svsss are appropriately impressed by their competence and LBH and LQG think specifically about how the iron triangle is a true threesome that supports each other and fights together. MBJ just wants his hamster boy back.

When they near the central chamber of the tomb, they hear the faint sounds of fighting which spurs SVSSS to speed ahead while iron triangle tries to get them to at least be a little cautious about setting off traps.

The sight that LBH sees when he breaks into the main chamber like the kool aid man is a disheveled SQQ beating SQH over the head with a baton? Kind of. Its a baton carved into the shape of a penis. SQQ immediately stops and tries to put on his “peerless immortal cultivator” mask on with a flick of his fan, but its hard for that to be effective when your hair is all over the place and your in a room covered in penises. SQH dives for his king’s thighs and cries in relief that he’s no longer trapped in a room full of dildos and penises with SQQ.

Then the iron triangle catches up and the realization that SVSSS gang is in modern clothing sinks in. The transmigrators freeze for just a second before jumping in front of iron triangle with a thousand questions. They ask in their shitty English which leaves answering the questions mostly to wu xie because pangzi’s english is pretty spotty and xiaoge doesn’t like talking in general, let alone a foreign language.

The whole group eventually leaves the tomb and all its phallic glory behind and get above ground where there’s phone service again. After a bit of searching, the transmigrators realize that while this world is very similar to their original world, there’s no signs of “Proud Immortal Demon Way” ever being written here, no other signs pointing to the two of them existing in this world. SVSS gang are very concerned as they watch SQQ and SQH talk in a strange language to these relative strangers, but don’t feel like its the time to figure out whats going on until everyone gets back home. The now expanded group makes their way back to Wushanju in an even more cramped road trip back. SQQ absolutly ends up in LBH’s lap at least once and SQH ends up with MBJ’s head in his lap at some point. its all very cute as the feeling of everyone being accounted for and safe settles in.

Maybe there’s some stuff about SQQ and SQH being transmigrators and them being tempted for all of half a second to stay in this world that is so very much like their original world but choosing to go back with their lovers and the lives they’ve made for themselves.

As the complete SVSSS gang now gets ready to head back home, the Iron triangle makes a huuuuge goody bag of all the snacks and treats that SQQ and SQH have been missing ever since they’ve transmigrated and put together a basic netbook plus solar charger for them to take back. There won’t be internet service back in SVSS world, but they loaded it up with a whooole bunch of web novels and pop songs, along with a few spare parts.

SVSSS gang finally makes their way home after having a large farewell dinner at Wushanju at Pangzi’s insistence and LBH bullies his way into helping out. Its a very sweet scene of laughing and drinking. After dinner is done, SVSSS decide to go back immediately because the time dilation thing would mean they would be away for longer than they would like.

Once back home, LBH, SQQ, and LQG have a confrontation/conversation about their relationships with each other and figure out if they want to try being all together, all three of them. MBJ confines SQH to his northern palace. Specifically their bedroom. He was also the one that remembered to grab the artifact that caused all these problems to begin with while everyone else was distracted by dildo tomb.

Iron triangle goes back to their retirement, at peace with the decisions they’ve made and the lives they’ve chosen to live.

THE END!!!

#dmbj #svsss #the lost tomb reboot #iron triangle #wu xie #wang pangzi #zhang qiling #shen qingqiu #lou binghe #if you cant tell i like polyships a lot #i just want everyone to be happy together #i made myself sad writing part of this #oh god this is so much longer than i thought it would be #feel like this is a little light on the svsss side of things #but the current fixation is dmbj so its not that surprising #this is 2000 words of not-fic #my writing

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tieukhannh · 3 years

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In flesh and blood.

Small scenario in which after the Spade Invasion ends, Patri rips William’s heart out and eats it.

Warning: character death, blood, cannibalism

AO3 link for better reading experience. Kudos and comments are really appreciated ^^

*******

The scar isn’t William's curse. He is.

They were born as a whole. They shall end as a whole.

*******

I wouldn’t mind if you are my cause of death.

The final devil shatters into pieces, his agonic scream drowned by exciting cheers. The Spade citizens burst into tears and the Clover Knights collapse, too tired to keep themselves up, but blood and sweat cannot hide the brilliance on their faces. After two days of nonstop battling, they won. The Dark Triad is defeated. The Qliphoth ritual is stopped. Yami and William are saved. The devils are gone. Now they can peacefully wait for the first streak of dawn.

What to do next is politics. The Resistance gives Yuno a subtle yet meaningful look and William realizes their intent. Earlier he managed to buy some time, but now because the devils are no longer a threat, they’re stuck in a complicated situation.

“Let him rest first.” William affirms, “Give him three days. You guys need some rest too. Then come to Clover and we shall discuss this.”

Albert nods and signals his comrades to stay back. Though he wants Yuno to return to Spade as soon as possible, he can see their prince listens to this man called William. They have abandoned him in a foreign land for so long. If in the end Yuno chooses to stay in Clover, they don’t have a say in it.

“Captain Vangeance…”

“Don’t frown, Yuno. It makes you look older.” William gives Yuno a reassuring smile, “Instead of going back to the Capital, how about staying with your family for these three days? You want to hear their thought too, don’t you?”

Indeed Yuno does. He wants to meet Father Orsi and Sister Lily. Maybe they will shine a light on him like how they always did.

“But Captain, what about the-“

“Hey hey hey, I’m right here. Don’t forget I’m the real Vice-Captain.”

“Vice-Captain Langris.”

Langris huffs. ‘Vice-Captain’ - three days ago Yuno called him like this too. He says it so naturally like he doesn’t take his 6 months in said position serious. It reminds Langris of the day Yuno claimed to have his eyes only on the Captain seat back in Kiten, but now isn’t the time to be petty. Yuno did keep the promise to take care of his Golden Dawn. Their Golden Dawn.

Behind them, William tries to cover his smile. He in fact plans to put Langris in charge again. As the heir of House Vaude and with more years of experience, Langris knows how to deal with politics. One more person he needs to worry about is…

Yuno follows his Captain’s eyes and sees Mimosa standing with the Heart. He knows their relationship has gone a little awkward after what happened to Captain Vermillion and what they did to her while they were possessed. Mimosa is a nice soul, she forgave them with ease but Yuno can tell she often fidgets when William is in sight. Then before she could request to come to Heart, William already proposed her to the higher-ups. Maybe back then a break is what they needed. It’s easy to tell being with Asta and Noelle makes Mimosa happy.

“Langris, Yuno, I’m eternally grateful to you. All of you.” William says tenderly, “You guys are my pride and my dream.”

For a moment his words sound too much like a ‘goodbye’. Langris tries to break the silence with his usual cockiness. “What’s that, Captain? I didn’t know you could be this sentimental.”

Before William can reply, a man cut in line.

“William, come to Elysia with me.”

They turn around and see the leader of the elves - an ally of Heart yet the terrorist to Clover Kingdom.

“Patri, you know I’d say no.”

Replies William. With Yuno may be the heir of House Grinberryall, now not only he’s a Clover’s Captain, but he’s also the superior of the Prince of Spade.

Patri sighs and smiles softly like he’d expected the answer. He walks closer until their foreheads touch and looks at William in the eyes. William flinches but doesn’t back off. A mesmerizing shade of lavender stares back at him and in there Patri can see his own reflection. In a blink of an eye, he forgets what’s he about to do and wishes that William will only have his eyes on him like this, but he already makes up his mind. Patri lays a hand on William’s chest - a steady rhythm of life echoing in his ears - and presses himself closer. He wants to memorize this sound, this smell, this image, this very moment…

“Goodbye, William.”

William’s eyes dilate. Trees coil around Patri, the branches dyed in red. An arm pierces through William’s chest. Silence descends. Mimosa almost faints.

“Wha- What?” Yuno is the first one wakes from his stupor. Spirit of Boreas manifests. “WHY?!”

Why? Patri wonders. William’s weight pressures on his body. His mind is occupied by the heat dripping through his fingers. It’s such a miracle how a small organ can contain so much love and kindness, sending warmth to every piece of him for twenty-six years long. The pulses are still thumping and Patri can faintly hear its beat. What a melody…

Why? Patri’s arm is soaked in scarlet. It reminds him about the last day of his previous lifetime when the only thing he saw is the same vivid and stinging color. He glances at where the devils just disappeared. So turns out William is a key to set them free. His death shall guarantee the devils are trapped in hell for good and no more tragedy will happen again.

Why? Patri looks at everyone present on the battlefields: the Black Bulls, the Clover royals, the Captains… then fixates at Yuno and Langris. So many people are here for the Dark Magic user while William… Well William has it coming, doesn’t he? Nurturing a terrorist, betraying his comrades, turning a blind eye on the innocent lives he swore to protect. But at the very beginning, he was also an innocent child - the unlucky child bound with a vengeful twin. Then despite it all, despite wounded and terribly exhausted, he fought bravely as a magic knight, wearing the cloak of the Golden Dawn, standing tall for his pride and his dream.

Why? Patri feels William’s shifting in his hold. This man isn’t just a special human. Their bond is a connection that he shares with none of his kin. William was closer to his heart than anyone else. He is a unique existence, his one and only. Patri doesn’t want William to get hurt in any way. Rationally, it’s paying for his debt. Irrationally, it’s the unconditional fidelity for his soul twin.

But this is never about “them”. Patri can sense Rhya fidgeting and is ready to open a portal to take them back at any moment. Back is such an endearing word. The tribe that supposed to be extinct five hundred years ago suddenly has a second chance. Yet right now they are so small, too weak in comparison to any forces on this continent let alone the devils. If William gets hurt, Patri knows he will participate no matter the what; and if he’s on the battlefield, Rhya, Vetto and Fana will choose to join.

His tribe will once again be on the line. This is exactly what Patri cannot stand.

He makes a quiet chuckle. He and William are really similar. Coincidentally, or maybe it’s not a coincidence at all, they have the same pride and the same dream. They long for an alike goal: safety for their people.

“They” doesn’t matter, “their people” does.

He cannot let the gate of hell open again.

He cannot let William live here - a place where almost no one has his back.

He cannot let William be in danger again. For William. For himself. For his people.

From the day William let him do whatever he wanted to their body, Patri already knew that one day he shall become William’s cause of death. Fate has already been sealed when they were born into different kinds.

If their bond is a burden, then let death be the salvation.

Ten years ago, he woke up from five hundred years of slumber and ripped William’s dream away. Now, he only does it again, and this time, for good. Patri only felt an empty void as his finger dipped into William’s flesh and spears through his body. What’s the point of feeling guilty anyway? No one has the right to judge him. He only gets rid of a part of himself. For sure, William will forgive him. William always forgives him.

“William Vangeance.” Patri mutters, “I curse you.”

From the hole in William’s chest appears a magic circle - ancient magic that amplified by his demon light - a curse that cannot be broken by anti-magic or normal mana. A guarantee to make sure no one can disturb William in his sleep.

Loath me, William. Do not forgive me.

Remember me.

William lifts his face up. Blood trickles down his lips as they quirk into a smile. Behind Patri, the sun starts to rise. The first streak of dawn crystalized in William’s eyes and in there Patri sees nothing but a wholehearted devotion. William straightens himself and whispers in Patri’s ears. Three words, barely audible like meaningless puffs, yet Patri understands. Between them, words are redundant. The light in William’s eyes sparks one last time before its brilliance fades away. Patri‘s reflection freezes along with the flow of time. William slumps into his embrace. Their chest presses close and the final sound William hears is a small thump of Patri’s heartbeat.

Patri pulls his hand out. At the same time, color recedes from his world. Suddenly everything is cloaked under a grayish hue. His mind boils up and cools down continuously and instantly until what’s left is an endless abyss. The trees hold him in place. The first answer Patri comes up with is: “Because he’s my weakness. I cannot afford my weakness in your hand.”

The only human he cannot kill is gone. No more human can become his obstacle.

Yuno lost it and charges forward, aiming for the kill. Before his attack can hit Patri, the trees around him start to wilt. They curl in on themselves and slip from his body, slowly dissolving into light. Along with that, Patri’s wounds after the fight with the devils are healed.

Yuno’s weapon shatters. He kneels down, in shock, knowing that he can no longer attack this elf. He cannot hurt the person his Captain wants to protect at all cost.

Patri stands in a midst of light. He raises William’s heart and takes a bite. Flesh and blood pass down his throat, overwhelming his sense with the foul smell of iron. These things have the same color as wine; and just like wine, after he gets used to the taste, he experiences a heady pleasure of intoxication. When Patri takes the final mouthful, a chill sends down his spine. It feels like the snowy day when it all began - another heartbeat is throbbing deep within his chest.

The scar isn’t William's curse. He is.

They were born as a whole. They shall end as a whole.

Wait for me at the end of the line.

William’s final spell disintegrates along with his grimoire. Only in death one can truly be free.

This scenario has stuck in my head for months and I just have to write it down >.<

This is part 2 of a Patri-William fic (neither platonic or romantic). It'd be great if you can give it a chance. Thank you so much ♡

#black clover #william vangeance #patri #patolli #patri & william #patri x william #khanh writing stuff #blood #cannibalism #character death

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love-takes-work · 5 years

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The evolution of Garnet’s Questions

With the excitement surrounding Garnet asking questions again after getting reset in Steven Universe: The Movie (and the related popularity of my GIFset depicting some of the questions!), I thought I’d offer some nuanced commentary.

Some context:

You probably already know that multiple behind-the-scenes statements from creator Rebecca Sugar (and Ian Jones-Quartey, and Hilary Florido, and Kat Morris, and several others) indicate that they write Garnet as deliberately avoiding spoken questions in her dialogue.

What this covers:

Garnet does not speak questions. That includes rhetorical questions--anything with a question mark, she does not speak, unless it’s a mistake. (There have been a handful of those. Rebecca takes responsibility for “Can’t you see that my relationship is stable?” Yes, that counts as a question and shouldn’t have been phrased that way, she says.)

What this does NOT cover:

Requesting information in non-question form (”Tell me where X is” instead of “where is X?”). Questioning herself internally. Expressing uncertainty. Admitting that she doesn’t know. Wondering and doubting herself.

Some history:

Garnet adopted this behavior because of something Rose said to her shortly after she became a Fusion.

“No more questions. Never question this. You already are the answer.”

Garnet took this extremely literally and used it as the basis of who she wanted to become. This is the first experience she’s had as a Fusion interacting with other Gems who didn’t call her disgusting, and having someone AFFIRM HER LIFE was incredible for her. She could leave confusion behind and just BE the answer. That was the confidence and pride Garnet wanted to embody.

A common theory:

After Pearl’s revelations in “A Single Pale Rose,” we learn that Rose, as Pink Diamond, had the ability to effectively gag Pearl with her orders. Because Pearl’s ability to speak of certain subjects was then forever altered, it was only natural that some folks wondered if a similar spell had been cast on Garnet. Considering the emphasis and the way it also altered her speech patterns forevermore, it was a decent theory.

However, it has been debunked by Crewniverse member Joe Johnston.

Joe answered on May 8, 2018:

offcoloured asked: hi joe! quick q, did Pink have a power over gems that binds their free will? i ask because of how Pearl obviously cannot physically speak of the past

This is more a function of how Pearls work. Since they are specially made for their owners, they are duty bound or I guess “programed” to follow the orders of their masters.

Joe answered on May 10, 2018:

Anonymous asked: Wait if the command only worked that way because Pearl is a pearl, why can't Garnet ask questions now?

If some one amazing came along and changed your world view and told you never to doubt yourself or question yourself, and it you took that encouragement and self love and imbedded it deep in your being, would you ask questions?

Joe answered on May 10, 2018:

melodicdragon97 asked: So we know that Rose is able to order Pearl around if Rose so chooses to (and that Pearl only has to obey her IF Rose orders her to). I just want to know if Pearl is the only one Rose is capable of ordering around in that way (forcing someone to do something). Is it part of her being a Diamond, or does it only apply to Pearl?

It only applies to Pearl.

BECAUSE our Pearl was made for Pink Diamond, she must follow her orders.

Rose did not have this power or control over anyone else, and its ONLY because Pearl was made for her that Pink/Rose had this power over her. Pink is a Diamond, she could order around lots of gems, but they follow because of hierarchy, not because the Diamonds are mind controlling them. Is this making sense? I’m try to clear this up for everybody, but people still seem confused.

Folks, Joe has doubled and tripled down on this. When they wrote “The Answer,” they thought we would see how Garnet used Rose’s emphatic encouragement to become confident and true to herself, but instead people made this connection and saw it as a tragedy or a trap or a spell--something Garnet was suffering from, something she no longer had the ability to do.

And now that the movie reset returned Garnet to her bundle-of-questions self from before “The Answer,” people are in my notes dozens of times talking about “Pink’s order” and “Rose’s spell” again, seeing Garnet’s wide-eyed cluelessness as adorable and representative of freedom.

Look, baby Garnet is cute as hell. It’s funny, like Pearl devoting herself to “Um Greg Universe” and Amethyst copying everything others say and do. But this isn’t “her true self” before Rose stole something from her. This is her before she learned everything about herself and her relationship, and while it’s novel and fun to see her like this for a change, this isn’t a “free” version of Garnet to contrast with a trapped one.

Garnet returned to herself at her realization of “the truth” because TRUTH is what’s brought her to her current self. When Garnet realized the lie that had been present underneath the foundation of her relationship, she fell apart and reexamined it.

And then, Ruby and Sapphire realized that when they finally did ask “The Question,” the answer was still the same.

Their love, their relationship, their history, their confidence they’ve built as Garnet, HER leadership, HER sorrow and pain and joy, all of this that belongs to her in confidence and solidity and wisdom . . . it’s something she earned.

When she was a wide-eyed cotton candy Fusion in that garden being told not to question herself, she jumped to an easy answer, but over all this time she’s been herself, she’s been becoming someone who never existed before. SHE defined who that was, and it takes confidence and truth to do something like that when you come from a society like the Gem society. She’s probably more free as Garnet than she ever could have been as Ruby or as Sapphire because both have such strong programming, but Garnet? She’s the first of her kind and she forged her new identity bravely.

Garnet still chooses to avoid questions to this day. Like many things she thought Rose gave her back in the day, she’s made it hers.

Please don’t process this speech pattern as a tragedy, or as evidence of brainwashing, or as a failure to question when she should. This is something uniquely Garnet’s; after all, Ruby and Sapphire still both ask questions when they’re unfused. Her confidence and her love is real, and it was always hers--just like Steven had to travel a winding path to find out he was himself all along, she took a difficult road to finding her truth, but she found it: ALL ALONG she was a leader even when she thought she was a follower, and ALL ALONG she was an incredible new beginning for Gems who wanted to escape utterly into something entirely new that belonged to them.

She CHOOSES not to ask questions. It’s a positive choice and an outward expression of confidence. I love the way this is celebrated in the show, and how effective it is at making her seem so different when they take it away from her. Her restoration was in TRUTH, not just love. The truth was always there in her answer to the question. When the last lie was peeled away, Garnet survived it. She turned something that started as a falsehood into something she could live by.

And that’s why she still does.

#steven universe #steven universe the movie #garnet #gif #long post #su analysis #my su analysis #myblog

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soulmanifestation0 · 3 years

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Soul manifestation 2.0 review : is it scam ?

Before we begin, let me state that I am an atheist, or at least that is what I believe; yet, like any other person, I believe in a higher purpose for life. Like many others, I searched for my higher purpose and inner calling but never found the appropriate answer until I discovered Soul Manifestation. After discovering and trying Soul Manifestation, I felt a lot closer to my mission than before.

(1) HOW DO I FIND SOUL MANIFESTATION ?

To be honest, I only discovered it a few weeks ago, thanks to someone who had posted about Soul Manifestation and their experiences on a Facebook group that I was a member of.

Now, my initial reaction was fairly typical, and I assumed it was a scam. After all, there are already plenty of similar programmes that teach you about Love (Law of Attraction), Physics (and one would think that religion is all about faith), the subconscious mind (I especially love this and the ‘Flow State'), and a variety of other topics that rarely help you figure out the exact Despite the fact that some of them helped me reach the pinnacle of my attention.

I asked a few questions to that person and a few others in the group who had also attempted Soul Manifestation before out of curiosity. I was still hesitant, but as an inquisitive writer who enjoys writing real reviews (and other things) about things that can help people, I decided to give it a shot, and here's what I learned. Of course, Soul Manifestation isn't sponsoring this review in any manner.

CLICK HERE TO GET IT NOW WITH SPECIAL DISCOUNT

(2) WHAT IS SOUL MANIFESTATION ?

Soul Manifestation is likely one of the best programmes for assisting you in discovering your unique soul path, but it can also teach you the secrets of attracting your soulmate and having a fulfilling and passionate relationship with them. Soul Manifestation will assist you in discovering your health and teaching you how to overcome health obstacles.

It will also assist you in breaking free from the shackles that bind you and prevent you from obtaining success and prosperity by throwing light on hidden reality, allowing you to follow your soul path.

(3) WHAT INSIDE SOUL MANIFESTATION 2.0 ?

I couldn't believe how much information was shared with me when I initially discovered this service. The number of practical, real-world tools included was astounding:

(1) Your Personal Soul Path Report

(2) your Vibrant Health Soul Code

(3) our Love and Romance Soul Code

(4) our Material Abundance Soul Code

(5) daily Guided Vibrational Meditation

(6)Alpha and Theta Wave Stimulation

(6) inner Child Work and Rediscovery

(7) tep-By-Step Guide To Building Your Dream Life

Guide to Visualization Mastery

Bonus #1: Soul Sleep Restoration

Bonus #2: Soul Affirmations

Bonus #3: Magical Signs & Numbers Handbook

Bonus #4: Melt Away Stress

Bonus #5: The Flow State

Bonus #6: Purify and Cleanse

60-Day Money-Back Guarantee!

Most of those supplementary tools are easily worth more than $40-$50 each, and they're all provided for free in this wonderful package.

You're probably still unsure if a programme like this will be beneficial to you...

And you're probably thinking if it'll make a long-term difference in your life.

(4) THE BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS OF SOUL MANIFESTATION

Now that we understand what Soul Manifestation is and what it provides, we can go on to the meat of the matter: the Benefits and Drawbacks of Soul Manifestation, which are as follows:

(1) BENEFITS

User-friendly: Because the Personalized Soul Report contains a lot of useful and intriguing information, it is a lengthy read. However, contrary to popular belief, it has been written in such a way that it is simple to read and comprehend. The action stages are considerably simpler to comprehend and put into practise.

Backed by historical evidence: As I previously stated, the historical component of the Soul Manifestation Report is pretty interesting and takes you back in time to both teach and authenticate its practise with original historical and ancestral knowledge

Speaks about all of life's big circles: Normally, products or programmes that claim to teach you about Soul Manifestation leave out crucial information, leaving you unsatisfied; but, with this soul Manifestation report, you'll learn practically everything because it provides significant information on all aspects of life. Health, relationships, and prosperity are all part of these circles.

Discusses the darker side of your soul: Life isn't all about light, and the soul manifestation report understands this. As a result, it also discusses the darker side of your soul. If you want to materialise your soul's wishes, you must first understand this portion of your soul.

One of the best aspects of Soul Manifestation Report is that it includes many success stories from people who have used it. There are several accounts of people who moved from being alone and unsatisfied to meeting a lovely partner and living a happy life while maintaining financial stability.

Yes, there is a money-back guarantee. You read that correctly: if you're not satisfied with Soul Manifestation Report, you can get your money back. Not only that, but they also provide a 365-day money-back guarantee.

(2) DRAWBACKS

Only available in book form: Your soul reading the report, as amazing as it is, is only available in ebook format, which is a bit difficult, especially if you want to bookmark some parts. Although, by printing a tangible copy of your report, you can solve this problem (which is equally frustrating).

Too much reading: If you are a person who rarely reads or reads very slowly, the size of your soul reading report will irritate you greatly.

(5) WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT IN THE SOUL MANIFESTATION ?

Your individual Soul analysis will reveal a number of impediments that are preventing you from achieving true progress. This one-of-a-kind Soul report will illuminate–

(1) PERSONALITY SOUL CODE:

You'll learn everything there is to know about yourself in your own Soul code. The section contains items such as blind spots, presents, and other obstacles to your achievement.

(2) MATERIAL ABUNDANCE SOUL CODE:

As the name implies, this section will assist you in uncovering secrets regarding money and other abundant materials, as well as achieving a life free of financial stress. You must now be thinking, "Yes!" after reading this. I'm going to make a billion dollars! Finally!”. Sorry, but you won't be getting them, as much as it would have been nice if you did.

(3) VIBRANT HEALTH SOUL CODE:

The Vibrant Health Soul section will assist you in better understanding and overcoming your major health concerns. In other words, it will assist you in living a physically happy existence. I know it sounds dramatic, but if it works, how can you call it stupid?

(4) LOVE & ROMANCE SOUL CODE:

Are you someone who has had a dreadful romantic life full with heartbreaks? Then this section will undoubtedly assist you, as it will show you how to build a deep connection with no compromises on love. In a nutshell, living the life of your dreams with a lovely companion by your side.

(5) HEALING POWER OF MUSIC:

Ha! We already know the therapeutic power of music, whether consciously or unconsciously, therefore we don't need a unique description. Music is so powerful that it may help you heal from past traumas while simultaneously filling you with joy.

(6) HISTORY OF ASTROLOGY:

I'm a history nerd, so this area piqued my interest because it includes material on astrology in the ancient Egyptian, Chinese, Celtic, and Mayan periods. Check out this area if you're a history nerd like me. You will not be sorry.

(7) THE VALIDITY OF ASTROLOGY:

This part is unusual in that it explains how astrology enhanced decision-making and business through scientific evidence.

THE FINAL WORD

was hoping to put this programme to the test and roast it if it was a hoax, but the Soul Manifestation Report turned out to be quite interesting and weirdly peaceful. Now that all has been said and done, it's time for the ultimate decision.

But first, let me address one minor nagging idea concerning Soul Manifestation: if you're wondering if it's a fraud, you may rest assured that it isn't (although I was hoping it was). If you give it a shot, I'm confident you'll see a difference in your life sooner or later.

I really hope that this review has helped you decide whether or not soul Manifestation is worth your time.

CLICK HERE TO GET IT NOW WITH SPECIAL DISCOUNT

#soul manifestation #inspiration #law of attraction #spiritualhealing #bibledaily #physical attraction #quotes #soul meets body #life quotes #motivateyourself #motivation #love quotes #affirmations #how to manifest #review

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setabane · 4 years

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The Beauty of Queer Intimacy and Love: The Dynamics of Femme Women loving Women (WLW) Relationships

This captivating series maneuvers around the beauty of everyday queer life and the documentation of queer love (platonic, romantic and of-self). A dialogue that contains a cinematography-focused visual aesthetic on tender and gentle moments with main inspirations from Clifford Prince King, Ryan McGinley and Ryan Pfluger.

Words: Cassim Cassim

There is a heavy stigmatism behind the word femme in its essence, especially when you coalesce and meld it with being queer. There is a shift in conflict whenever you are a queer femme identifying person, a shift that diverts hate and prejudice from the cis hetero community to the queer community. In the gay community, there is creation of internalized homophobia, which is known as femphobia, femme presenting queer men have been historically ostracized and ridiculed for presenting too girly or too feminine. Whereas in the lesbian community, there is an ambiguous reaction and opinion towards femme presenting queer women. There is a heavy dig into the existence of queer women, especially queer femme women who love other women.

Queer femme women must face a challenge amongst the heterosexual agenda and feeding into an idea that they must feed themselves into compulsory and performative ‘bisexuality’ all to praise the needs of men. Usually, women who are in femme relationships fall prey to this cage of men belittling their relationships by sexualizing them and praising their union because it is “sexy”, but God forbid a relationship between a butch queer woman and a femme queer woman, sensuality between them becomes “sick” and “cruel”. It widens the range of behavior considered acceptable from men in heterosexual intercourse, behavior which reiteratively strips women of their autonomy, dignity, and sexual potential, including the potential of loving and being loved by women in mutuality and integrity.

Femme to femme relationships in women are part of the forefront yet have never been seen as a redefinition of a generational idea of what queer love looks like. Without denigrating the idea that a wlw queer relationship is between butch and femme, it assumably feeds into the base idea that it belongs into a system of gender, the man and the woman, the provider and the receiver, simply because both expressions are dichotomic. It is rather cathartic knowing that now we don’t have a prominent base idea of what a queer relationship looks like or should look like, and that’s what makes queer relationships unique and splendiferous. This last article in the last series is to highlight the beauty of queer relationships, in all forms, and the subversion of the patriarchy by painting a soft and delegate form of femininity and queer intimacy between 2 femme women. SETABANE had an interview with 2 queer femme presenting woman discussing their idea of intimacy between women and their experiences with love and intimacy.

1. What is your definition of intimacy?

(J) My definition of intimacy is where me and my partner are together and we’re both tapping into each other’s emotional and mental inclination/state. It could be through just a casual conversation maybe about how your day really was or a deep conversation about the things you want for yourself or for the both of us. Allowing your partner to get in touch with your emotional being is the most intimate you can ever be with him/her (in my opinion). With physical intimacy, it’s more to do with being so comfortable with each other’s presence, their touch, having a good time and not involving sex. The latter on the other hand isn’t my way of showing intimacy.

(C) Intimacy to me is defined as the complete acceptance of oneself and of other people. It’s being comfortable in my body and my spirit to share a bond with most importantly myself and then another person.

2. What is your idea of romanticism?

(J) It’s definitely doing something, could be small or big, for my partner and not expecting anything in return, just making my partner feel so special. I could be doing whatever it is I’m doing out of love or admiration or for the fun of it. It also keeps the relationship alive, just little surprises here and there. Affirming your partner all the time counts too, as well as giving them your time, doing things out of the ordinary, basically being spontaneous.

(C) Being aware of my own wants and needs and/or as well as my partners. Words or actions based off this form the base of the romantic aspect in any relationship.

3. What’s one thing you love about being queer?

(J) I’d like to think it’s how I learn something all the time about being queer and the queer community. There’s so much to being queer that it just blows my mind sometimes. Anything thing is the support that comes from the queer community. It’s so overwhelming in a good way. It’s just incredible to see it and feel it.

(C) The ability to be my most authentic self. The community as well. There is an abundance of love and generosity. We all share a commonality yet embrace individualism to the fullest.

4. Is queer expression important to you?

(J) For me, I really do not think too much about how I express myself physically that is. I absolutely adore when queer people express themselves wholeheartedly that’s for sure, but for me, it never really wasn’t that important.

(C) Queer expression is vital. Without it, embracing one's true self cannot happen. Being queer takes up a portion of who the person is, if it cannot be tapped into and explored by physical means, it is left untouched and dormant.

5. Do you feel prejudice/discrimination as a queer woman in Botswana?

(J) I personally haven’t really experienced/received that kind of energy from people, so I don’t think so. But for my fellow queer people, I’d like to think some have, especially trans, gay and bisexual men. They have it the hardest and it’s hard to witness that.

6. Do you believe in queer platonic love?

(J) Yeah, absolutely.

(C) Absolutely. Again, it’s the community. Friends come to be from sharing experiences and opinions, while accepting each other regardless of any differences. I don’t see why that cannot be for queer friendships. It can be one of the greatest friendships to ever have as a queer person.

7. What’s one advice you’d give to someone reading this?

(J) Don’t live up to people’s expectations of you. Live up to your expectations of you. Don’t be concerned about what other people think of you. Don’t focus on trying to prove to people your validation. And be kind, always. We live in such a cruel world and you can make it better by just being kind to the people around you.

(C) Study yourself. Expand your mind. Have some substance. We live in a world where distractions occupy our lives. But we weren’t put on this planet to become machines. Don’t lose your humanity, it’s the most beautiful thing you own. CREDITS:

PHOTOGRAPHY : @wenz_hd

EDITOR: @cxsside

MODELS: @jdee_ridge and @clarisapriyanka

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alexsfictionaddiction · 4 years

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Alex Recommends: May and June Books

I must apologise for the late arrival of this post. It should have been up days ago but I’ve been struggling to read much for the last month or so. My head has been very foggy and dark with all of the confusion, anxiety and hate that has been filling my news feeds and I’ve been filled with a desire to combat it. Before this month, I’d have run in the opposite direction from any kind of confrontation but recent events have given me the kick up the butt to actively do better. I’ve been calling out bigotry when I come across it and I’ve noticed that some people, notably my older relatives, haven’t necessarily reacted favorably to the changed, more outspoken Alex. It has been pretty daunting and I’ve worked myself up into fits of rage and tears several times over the last couple of months.

A lot of things have changed for me since my last Alex Recommends post. I’m currently temporarily living in Staffordshire with my boyfriend because my depression got too bad for me to stay at home for much longer. I missed him unbelievably much and I knew that spending some prolonged time with him would help -and it has. Both him and I have spent 12 weeks religiously following all of the rules, so we’re both extremely low-risk for catching and spreading COVID-19 and being together was something that we simply really needed to do. Please don’t hate me for it! In other news, I have also started writing again, which feels amazing. I’m now a few thousand words into a queer Rapunzel retelling that I have lots of ideas for. Maybe I’ll even post an extract or two, when I feel it’s ready to show you.

In the centre of the renewed energy of Black Lives Matter and the undeniable exposure of the horrors that is police brutality, the book blogging and BookTube worlds vowed to uplift Black voices. I wrote a very long, in-depth blog post full of Black-written books and Black book influencers. Please check it out to diversify your TBR and educate yourself on Black issues, which is what every white person should be doing now and always.

June was Pride Month and I tried my best to compile a series of recommendation posts in honour of it. These included gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, ace, pansexual and intersex lists. I’ve had some great feedback on this, so I hope you find some fantastic new reads. It felt especially poignant to put them together the same year that one of my childhood heroes came out as an ignorant trans-exclusive feminist. As a lifelong Harry Potter superfan and someone who has repeatedly publicly supported Rowling in the past, I feel the need to clarify where I now stand. I do not support or agree with a single thing that she has said in recent times with regard to transgender people. I’ve never felt my own status as a cisgender female threatened by trans people wanting more rights or believed that children or women were at risk due to their existence.

I read her words more than once and struggled to find any semblance of the woman who wrote the books that have most defined my life. I’m hesitant to say that we can always successfully separate the art from the artist but I will say that it makes sense to me that the Rowling of 2020 is not the same Rowling that wrote Harry Potter. She was a destitute single mother when Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997 and of course, she is now a million worlds away from that lifestyle. It breaks my heart but it makes sense to me that she has changed beyond belief because her life has changed beyond belief. I’m not and never would make any excuses for her recent behaviour and I have stopped supporting her personally but I will not be getting rid of my Harry Potter books and I will undoubtedly re-read them several more times. However, I am now hugely reluctant to buy any more merchandise or special editions of the books, which saddens me but at the moment, it feels right. There is no coming back for her from this and I will make a conscious effort to keep Harry Potter and Rowling away from my future content. It can be really tough to admit that the people you once really admired aren’t great humans but it’s something that we all have to acknowledge in this case, in order to move forward with our own quests to become our best selves.

It didn’t feel right to post my May recommendations last month as I didn’t feel comfortable promoting my own content in the midst of boosting Black voices. So today I’m bringing you a bumper edition of Alex Recommends. Here are 10 books that I’ve enjoyed since the start of May that I’d love to share with you. Enjoy! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Set in the affluent neighbourhood of Shaker Heights, Ohio in the 1990s, two families are brought together and pulled apart by the most intense, devastating circumstances. Dealing with issues of race, class, coming-of-age, motherhood and the dangers of perfection, Little Fires Everywhere is highly addictive and effecting. With characters who are so heartbreakingly real and a story that weaves its way to your very core, I couldn’t put it down and I’m still thinking about it over a month after finishing it.

FICTION: Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

When coding nerd Chloe Brown almost dies, she makes a list of goals and vows to finally Get A Life. So she enlists tattooed redhead handyman and biker Red to teach her how. Cute, funny and ultimately life-affirming, this enemies-to-lovers rom-com was exactly the brand of light relief that I needed this month. The follow-up Take A Hint, Dani Brown focuses on a fake-dating situation with Chloe’s over-achieving academic sister and I can’t wait to get my hands on that.

FICTION: The Rearranged Life of Oona Lockhart by Margarita Montimore

Just before her 19th birthday at midnight on New Year’s Eve 1983, Oona Lockhart finds herself inexplicably in 2015 inside her 51-year-old body. She soon learns that every year on New Year’s Day, she will now find herself inside a random year of her life and she has no control over it. Seeing her through relationships, friendships and extreme wealth, this strange novel has echoes of Back To The Future and 13 Going On 30 with a final revelation that I certainly never saw coming.

NON-FICTION: The Five by Hallie Rubenhold

Atmospheric and engaging, The Five details the previously untold stories of Polly, Annie, Elisabeth, Kate and Mary-Jane -the women who lost their lives at the hands of Jack the Ripper. Full of fascinating research and heartbreaking accounts of what these women’s lives may have been like, Rubenhold paints a dark immersive portrait of Victorian London and gives voice to these tragic silenced lives. Although we can’t know for certain if these accounts are entirely accurate, they feel very plausible and in some ways, The Five exposes how little time has moved on, when it comes to the public portrayal of single, troubled women.

NON-FICTION: Unicorn by Amrou Al-Kadhi

From a childhood crush on Macaulay Culkin to how a teenage obsession with marine biology helped them realise their non-binary identity, Unicorn tells the story of how the obsessive perfectionist son of a strict Muslim Iraqi family became the gorgeous drag queen Glamrou. Packed full of humour, honesty and heart, this book will give you the strength and inspiration to harness what you were born with and be who you were always meant to be.

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Super Miraculous Journey of Freddie Yates by Jenny Pearson

When fact-obsessed Freddie’s grandmother dies, he discovers that the father he has never met may actually be alive and living in Wales. So he has no choice but to grab his best friends Ben and Charlie, leave his home in Andover and go to find his dad! I laughed so many times during this madcap adventure and I know the slapstick crazy humour will hit the middle-grade target audience just right. It’s also a wonderful depiction of small town Britain with a focus on the true meaning of family.

MIDDLE-GRADE: A Kind Of Spark by Elle McNicoll

When Addie learns about her hometown’s history of witch trials, she campaigns tirelessly to get a memorial for the women who lost their lives through it. This wonderfully beautiful novel gives a unique insight into the mind of an 11-year-old autistic girl with a huge heart. Busting myths about neurodiversity while tackling typical pre-teen drama, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry but most of all, you’ll close the book with a huge smile on your face.

HISTORICAL FICTION: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

In 16th century Warwickshire, Agnes is a woman with a unique gift whose relationship with a young Latin tutor produces three children and a legacy that lasts for centuries. This enchanting, all-consuming account of the tragic story of Shakespeare’s lost son, the effects that rippled through the family and the play that was born from their pain will send a bullet straight through your heart. Wonderfully researched and beautifully written, Hamnet is worth all of the hype.

HISTORICAL FICTION: The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

When a vicious storm kills most of the men of Vardø, Norway, it’s up to the women to keep things going but a man with a murderous past is about to come down with an iron fist. At the heart of this dark tale of witch trials, grief and feminism, two women find something they’ve each been searching for within each other. Gorgeously written with a fantastically slow-burning queer romance, Kiran Millwood Hargrave’s first adult novel is an addictive, atmospheric read with a poignant, tearjerker of an ending.

SCI-FI: Q by Christina Dalcher

When one of Elena’s daughters manages to drop below the country’s desired Q number, she is sent away to one of the new state schools and Elena is about to find out something she’d really rather not know about the new system. Packed full of real social commentary and critique of life as we know it while painting a picture of how things could be even worse (yes, really!), this pulse-racing, horrifying sci-fi dystopian gripped me from the first page and refused to let me go.

#book recommendations #recommended #recommendations #may #june #books #bookworm

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m-602 · 5 years

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The Guardian

((So I’ve been running ideas through my head about what to do with this character. Eventually, he will gain a grasp of all his powers and what he really is. But what would that look like? What would a lich like M do when he realizes his full capabilities? Add on the fact that I really wanted to write a story and, well... voila! A future based story that takes place a decade and half or so from the MuTB RP.))

((Kind of gets sad near the end, but it isn’t too special. Just some stupid thing I decided to write up. It is long though!))

((Enjoy!))

It’d been over a decade since he last traveled the worlds. A decade since he started discovering everything about him. A decade since he learned the truth of his fate.

By now, he had learned everything there was to know about him. He mastered all of his powers, learned everything there was about being a lich, and gained a better understanding of spirits and souls. For the first time in his life... he felt fulfilled. As if everything that troubled him no longer existed after he fully accepted his fate.

Where was he now? Well... the last place anyone would expect him. He was now walking towards the place where everything had started... or, in his case, ended. Where he lost everything and gained what he never asked for. The place where everything he knew ceased to be.

He was walking through the burnt woods that lead to the ruins of his old home. A home who’s name was fully lost to time itself. A home that he preserves with the memories of those who lived in it.

He’s unsure if he consciously avoided returning to this place or if he simply had no recollection of how to return. Nevertheless, all that mattered now was that he had the strength to return to their ruins and see what remained. Of course, with all the time that’s passed, the ruins themselves would’ve changed or degraded in some form... Then again, he himself has changed as well.

No longer does he wear the blue hoodie he cherished for so long. It still resides in his possession, but he decided to wear it no longer to symbolize how he has moved on. He now dons a uniquely designed jacket he made himself. It was mostly blue, with a solid black design in the middle that gradually widened at the bottom from the neck. Its long sleeves faded into black rings at the tips of the arms. In fact, the sleeves kind of resembled that of robes with how much space they gave his arms. The jacket boasts a tail flap that drapes behind him, extending down to his feet. He now wore black gloves specially designed with sharp metal ends for his new-grown claws. His lower garments are generally unchanged, though his boots have noticeably been worn down; surprisingly, their still in great condition despite that. His jacket is adorned with a large hood, perfectly concealing his face. Despite this, his eye lights, now with serpentine slits, are perfectly visible. If he were to smile, you could see a sharp, jagged, and sinister smile, similar to that of a jack-o-lantern. His mouth is even lined in strange blue light. Overall, he’s just taller as well, indicating the passage of time.

Yep, a lot’s changed, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s accepted this anyways.

He can see the forest start to clear in front of him. He takes a moment before looking up to the skies above. Instantly, he noticed a large, bright blue falcon surveying the land below. This falcon... his mother had watched over him for so long. When he finally learned the truth, he had found it difficult to keep moving. He had thought everyone he knew would’ve passed on, only to find that she wanted to stay behind just for him. It filled him with a flurry of emotions that scar him today, but drive him forward with vehement vigor.

He finally reaches the other end of the forest, gaining a vantage point on the ruins that are now his home. Though the small, dilapidated town could be seen in full from his vantage point, it was by no means hard to find. It pained him greatly to see his once beloved home nothing but blackened and rotting remains, despite expecting it in full. He continued on, intent on investigating the damages entirely.

When he reached the main street that split the town, what he saw was beyond what he expected. There was actually quite a bit that still remained; some structures that refused to disappear. If you were resourceful, they could even be little hideouts, if you didn’t need air. Everything was damaged beyond recognizable, yet he could still remember what they used to be. The old convenient store, the flower shop, the bakery, the residential area... Their remains still stood strong, even as charred as they were.

After a while, he reached what he was looking for... His own house. Funnily enough, it was the most ‘intact’ out of all the ruins; by ‘intact’, it means you could actually tell that it was a family home. The gardens were wilted, but in one piece. The building itself was damaged beyond repair, yet still stood strong, as if representing his own will.

The falcon landed beside him, his cloak billowing from the gust she created. She looked on with him, taking in the sight before them. It was surreal, standing her after an event they should not have walked away from. Both of them kind of wish they weren’t the only ones...

He walked towards the building before kneeling down before its entrance. He spoke up, his voice clear and strong.

“This home was everything to me back then. It holds my greatest memories, my most cherished moments. It held the people that made my world and forged my being. The people that guided me and the people I guided. My parents and siblings. The buildings beside it? My closest friends and neighbors... I stand here now, ready to face the past that I have accepted for myself. Ready to wish all those who couldn’t make it a peaceful rest.”

He paused, taking a deep breath. This moment was important to him. It was probably the most important moment of his entire existence. He exhaled the breath he subconsciously held before speaking again.

“My father... My brother... My sister... My friends... My neighbors... Everyone... Please, may you rest in peace...”

With that said, he stood up, wiping tears he didn’t know he shed. The falcon gave him a nod, seeming to congratulate him for an unusual hard task. He started to walk away... when he felt an odd presence behind him.

As the years went by, his ability to detect a presence strengthened until he could detect even the faintest of pulses. Until he could feel the weakest of souls. But this presence he felt... It was strong, timid... and familiar?

He turned around... and almost fell over at what he saw.

Before him was what looked like a little girl. Her form seemed to glow, similar to how he looked in spirit form, except she radiated a cyan light instead of the deep blue he gave off. She was peeking out from behind the house in a wary manner, seemingly in response to his speech. She looked almost familiar... Almost like...

“N-No way...”

The spirit seemed to perk up further at his voice, fully coming out of hiding. She came closer to him, giving him a better glance at who this was. There was no doubt about it at this point... The sibling spoke up, its voice having a similar effect that his had in spirit form...

“...Bro...?”

That word... almost broke him. Losing all composure, he dashed forward, wrapping the spirit girl in the biggest sibling hug you could ask for. The girl flinched before returning the hug, bright lights that looked almost like tears gathering in his eyes. He was filled with so many emotions: joy, sadness, confusion, the works. This wasn’t just some spirit he awoke with his strange power... this was his sister that managed to keep herself in the mortal realm through sheer will alone. She wanted to stay... She wanted to wait for him...

“...Missed... you... M... Big... bro...”

He responded to her with a shaky voice, utterly drowned in emotion - a stark contrast to before.

“I-I... I missed you too, Kat...”

He suddenly became aware of an upsurge of presences - of souls - gathering around him. Almost all of them were familiar... way too familiar.

He looked up, meeting a rainbow sea of different spirits. He recognized some of them - friends, neighbors, friendly associates, the works. It wasn’t everyone, however... He could only feel what should be more than a quarter of the town were here. Some of the souls were completely foreign to him! In addition, his brother and father were no where to be seen... They probably fully accepted their fate, losing the will to stay in this world.

‘Can’t blame them after what happened,’ M thought.

He broke the hug, fully standing up to examine the crowd (Kat decided to just cling to his leg). The spirits were not only in different colors, but also different states. Very few maintained their full form - to do so is a feat only the most powerful of spirits can accomplish, after all. A few flew around as wisps, though M could tell who they were based off the aura they gave off. Others had a partial form, but were missing a few key things, such as arms or legs, or just looked very injured.

He couldn’t believe all these people remained here... He was sure that everyone would pass on after the tragedy that unfolded. In fact, it kind of explains how organized each of these ruins were. But now it brought upon a different concern in M’s mind. He decided to make it audible.

“Have all of you... been here this whole time?”

He got a flurry of nods and broken whispers. Yikes, he didn’t want that answer.

“And some of you ended up wondering here? Completely lost?”

He got a few less affirmatives. That makes sense, though. Only a small fraction of this group was actually foreign.

“You’ve all been here for so long with no one to guide or protect you...”

It was a sad thought. When you’re reduced to a soul, you’re more vulnerable than you think. Though you can’t die again, damage to your soul is extremely painful. Plus, if you’re damaged too badly, you can lose bits and pieces of yourself. Memories and emotions to be specific.

He didn’t want these people to suffer more than they already have, nor did he want them to be so lost. He could feel why some of these people were so foreign - it was as if a beacon for the fallen radiated from the ruins themselves. He knew he needed to do something to help...

...

There was one thing he could do.

“Then... let me be that person. This used to be my home... A home that I walked away from when no one else could. It feels wrong of me to just leave now when there are so many of you have no where else to go... I shall be your guardian, and help aid you in your time of greatest vulnerability.”

He got a few shocked responses, his sister tightening her grip on him. Seems he needs to say something more.

“This place draws fallen spirits to it, and has become a home of sorts for you all. Yet it has no one to watch over it, and the fallen spirits have no one to guide them here even should they find its beacon. I want to keep all of you safe, and find others to keep safe as well. To protect life itself from those who threaten it.”

The spirits seemed to be happy about them, seeing as how some of them ‘attempted’ to jump for joy. His sister looked up to smile at him. Seems he’ll be able to pull this off.

As the other spirits ran off the celebrate, M walked to the middle of the town. In an instant, he summoned a spirit-esque scythe. The top of the blade seemed to be lined in tiny flames. He stood the scythe next to him, observing the commotion he caused. This town’s name was forgotten to time. With how things have changed, a new name is in order. One fitting of it’s current state...

Though he’s not fond of naming things, he decided to take a crack at it...

“I shall be the guide of this town... The guide... Of Mors Finem.”

And thus, the guardian of the fallen was born.

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((For those who are curious, “mors findem” is “death’s end” in latin. It’s supposed to reflect how the dead town has come alive again, despite the catastrophe.))

((I might use this character later down the line. I just couldn’t let this idea rest. At this point, yes, M is at prime form, and is terrifyingly strong. He’s no god, but he’s nothing to scoff at for sure. And... come on, why wouldn’t he have a scythe?))

((Sorry if this story seems stupid. I’m not too confident in my writing skills, but I figured I’d take a shot at it. Feel free to share it with other if you wish!))

((Have a great night, and have a Happy Halloween!))

#original story #M #set in the future #kinda sad #tw mentions of death #i'm not too sure if this is good #or if anyone will read it #but i'll post it anyway #it might be stupid but #peck it

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phoenix-downer · 6 years

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Hello! I was curious about why you ship Rokunami. I don't think it's a bad ship or anything! It's actually kind of cute, but I feel like the game didn't give them enough time to develop any kind of relationship besides trust in a time of need and confusion. Is there a reason why you see them work very well and/or even better than perhaps Roxas and Xion? I always love to read your analysis on everything and I would like to know a bit more about this! Hope you have a great day (and stay aweosme)!

Good question!

I ship Rokunami because of the potential I see and the chemistry they have in their scenes together.

Do I think they’ve had a romance for the ages and are deeply and madly in love? No, but I do think the potential for a good romance is there! Their relationship is at its very beginning stages and I enjoy it for what it is and what it could be, and here’s why:

1) They are kindred spirits in a very difficult situation. They’re both Nobodies who are fated to return to their Others, and they can understand each other like no one else can. It’s a bad situation all around, but Naminé makes it clear to Roxas that he is not alone in his ordeal. She disobeys Diz to reach out to him and tell him the truth, which leads us into…

2) Naminé was willing to tell him the truth. Remember how in Days Roxas says the person who tells him the truth would be who he trusts? Well, Naminé is that person. His other friends either couldn’t tell him the truth or wouldn’t tell him, and finally along comes someone who will, and she earns his trust because of it.

3) They make a promise to meet again. Despite their fates to return to their Others, Naminé believes they will meet again and tells Roxas that this isn’t the end. At the end of KH2 their promise is fulfilled and they see each other again. Most Nobodies are destined to fade away, but they live on in their Others and until they are (hopefully) rescued in KH3, they can be together as long as Sora and Kairi are (which… yeah, we know how well that’s gone lately, but the point still stands).

4) They can see themselves as how they remember each other. Being able to see someone’s true self is a repeated motif throughout the series (Kairi with Sora’s Heartless form, Kairi and Sora with Riku’s Ansem form, Roxas and Axel with X*on’s real self, etc.) and a sign that two people share a strong bond, strong enough to see beyond deceptive outward appearances and into the heart. Roxas and Naminé are able to see each other’s true selves even after they return to Sora and Kairi, a sign that the bond they share is truly special. Roxas words it like this:

I see myself the way you remember me. And you see yourself the way I remember you.

Not only do they remember each other’s true selves; instead of Roxas seeing himself based on his own memories, Roxas sees himself the way Naminé remembers him, and Naminé sees herself the way Roxas remembers her. This hints at the beautiful mutuality of their relationship - they sustain not themselves but each other. It’s normally impossible for a Nobody to continue on existing independently once they rejoin with their Other (as we’ve seen with Axel/Lea, they simply merge into one person), but Roxas and Naminé’s continued existence may very well be because they can remember each other other as they truly are.

In other words, they see each other’s hearts; they see each other as unique people with unique identities instead of accepting the narrative that they’re destined to become Sora and Kairi. And indeed, Naminé marvels at this and realizes that her earlier assessment was wrong - to her surprise, they didn’t fade away into darkness. Roxas affirms this and points out they got to meet their true selves, and Naminé is happy that they can be together again.

5) They’re each other’s second loves. This is more in the realm of personal interpretation, but I really like the idea that they find love again in each other. They’re both hurting from the loss of their first loves - X*on for Roxas, though I’m aware not everyone interprets their relationship that way, and Sora for Naminé, though this was one-sided on Naminé’s end and it was only by changing Sora’s memories that she was able to temporarily redirect Sora’s feelings for Kairi towards herself - and find solace and a second chance at love in each other.

Sora and Kairi already have the childhood friends/first loves thing going on so it’s nice to see a different kind of couple also potentially represented in the series. Because let’s be real, how many people end up with their first loves? Sora and Kairi are the fairytale storybook romance, the once-in-a-lifetime, death-can’t-keep-us-apart, bound-by-true-love soulmates, and while I love that to pieces, I also love Roxas and Naminé’s quieter, more subdued affection for each other. They’re like the couple you meet in real life who have been through some hardships along the way but have found love again in each other and they don’t have to proclaim it from the streets, it just sort of radiates off them and speaks for itself.

6) The chemistry. Also subjective, but man if I didn’t pick up on it in their scenes together. Roxas really seems like he’s flirting with her in their scene together in the Old Mansion, and then again at the end of KH2 when they meet again, and then when he smiles at her at the very end through Sora… yep, lots of smiling.

All this to say…

They don’t have an epic romance (yet). They may never have an epic romance, and that’s okay. They’re like those two people who just really click together because they have a lot in common. There’s chemistry and mutual attraction, and they want to get to know each other more. So they decide to go on a few dates and take things slow and see how things unfold from there. That’s the vibe I get from them. They’re strikingly real to me because of that, and while I love Sora and Kairi’s fairytale romance, I also love Roxas and Naminé’s very down-to-earth bond.

But what about Rok*shi? (starred out so it hopefully won’t show up in the tags)

I hesitate to even go there at all because I know shipping is a touchy subject and I don’t want this to turn into shipping discourse. I’ve also seen people tear down other ships and characters to prop up their favorite ships and characters, and I refuse to do that. My philosophy is that if a ship is good, it will stand on its own merits - no need to trash other ships.

The whole situation has also been made more complicated by how X*on was introduced after Naminé, but within the timeline of the story itself, knew Roxas before she did. The way canon has handled things has only exacerbated an already touchy situation with the fandom and I don’t really want to get into that right now.

Honestly, my preference for Rokunami just comes down to personal tastes, really, same with how people who prefer Rok*shi do for their own reasons. And those are perfectly good reasons! Roxas does spend a lot of time with X*on and I can see the potential there! But I can also see the potential with Rokunami, and I can’t deny that I like what I see :) Again, it really just boils down to personal preferences.

On a more general note, I always try to keep in mind that at the end of the day, shipping is supposed to be a fun thing that brings people joy. And if shipping Rok*shi is what brings you joy, awesome! If shipping Rokunami is what brings you joy, awesome! I will be the last person to tell you not to ship something.

Hope that answers your question, thanks for the ask! :)

#kingdom hearts #rokunami #namixas #roxas #naminé #answer #anasten27

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tailahjanbash · 6 years

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Maker Of My Dreams

My name is Tailah. I was practically born in a church pew, and God has played a significant role in my life as far back as my memory will take me. You’d think after 21 years of being in the church I’d either be some kind of minister or insanely bored of hearing the same stories over and over, but neither of those happened.

After serving Jesus for nearly a decade now, I’ve found that doing life with him is nothing short of an adventure.

I think Christians get a bad rep. They supposedly aren’t allowed to have fun, go out, or live life fully—the world paints a picture of people in turtlenecks and pilgrim skirts, trapped in a stuffy chapel while the rest of the human population experiences freedom. Christians are slaves to their impossible standards of righteousness and trapped by their pious morals. The rest of the world is free to act upon their every desire and chase happiness to their heart’s content.

In my opinion, this is one of the biggest lies and delusions Satan hides behind.

People who act upon every compulsive desire or sin actually enslave themselves under the delusion that they are free. They are slaves to their desires, appetites, and emotions. Jesus offers us freedom from guilt, shame, sin, and death. He provides hope when we see no way out, refreshment when we cannot go on, and peace when everything around us is falling apart.

These were some of the things I grew up hearing in church, but it wasn’t until my faith met my actions that I truly experienced this.

Today, I want to talk to you about the latest adventure Jesus and I went on, in hopes to inspire you and remind you that God is the maker of your dreams.

This past summer, I was feeling trapped and unhappy with where I worked. Simultaneously, I was feeling a strong pull in my heart to pursue a job working in the music industry, which has been my dream since I was twelve years old. After a lot of hard decisions, The Lord basically set up circumstances so I had to leave my job. I was scared of the unknown, but I knew in my heart it was time for me to stop meeting everyone else’s expectations for my life and chase my dreams.

I reached out to my friend Alyssa who had worked for a local record label. She forwarded my resume to a few contacts. I prayed for a month. Nothing happened.

I continued to pray and refused to give up—I babysat, sold paintings, and took some odd jobs in the meantime. The whole summer went on like this, until a few weeks before the start of fall semester.

I spent one Sunday night deep in prayer. I had been worshipping, praying, breaking things over my life. Then I spoke God’s favor, blessings, and open doors over myself and into existence.

Suddenly my phone lit up. Alyssa texted me in that moment and asked if I had found an internship yet. I quickly responded and told her that I hadn’t had any luck. She informed me that she had two more contacts and she would follow through with them both.

Long story short, I sent both companies my resume and immediately got booked for job interviews. I realized the power and importance of prayer. All the while, the Lord was reminding me that He opens and shuts every key and open door in my life.

There was one company that was super glamorous—they worked with high profile celebrities in Pop and Rap music and offered me a position with them on the spot. Everyone told me to take it.

The other company was a Christian artist management company. God made it super clear to me years ago, that my calling and vocation was in Christian ministry and entertainment, not secular.

As if that choice weren’t hard enough, there was one more problem: there were other people interviewing for the Christian company, and they were not able to give me an answer for at least a few more weeks. In other words, I had to choose on the spot, not knowing if I would get the internship I desired in my heart.

I wrestled with faith and doubt. With what I could see with the calling and dreams that God had placed in my heart.

After spending (a LOT of) time in prayer, I decided that I had to step out in faith. I called the company that offered me the job in secular music and politely declined their offer.

I was terrified that I had ruined my career before it even began, but in my spirit, I felt a sense of relief.

I had just sacrificed my Isaac, and I was low-key expecting a call from the Christian company effective immediately. I mean, I had just sacrificed SO much for God. He can’t keep me waiting forever, right?!

But then crickets.

And some more crickets.

I prayed daily and before I knew it, a month had passed.

I accepted the fact that maybe this wasn’t for me, released it, and thanked God anyways because He is always good, even when we don’t get what we want how we want it.

I kid you not the very. next. day. I got the phone call! They offered me the position and when I say God worked out every single detail, I’m not kidding. I had some issues registering for classes and could only sign up for Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes, which were the days I wanted to work. But the company ended up needing me for Tuesdays and Thursdays! Every last detail—down to my daily schedule to the hour—fell together perfectly, because when God does something, He goes all out. He fine tunes every detail and orchestrates every aspect so that He may receive the glory!

That fall I got to work for an amazing company called Redjett. My co-workers were the kindest ever and I learned so much about the industry I love. I got to work for Lauren Daigle, Hollyn, Sadie Robertson, Cody Carnes, and Chris McKlarney! I got to see behind the scenes of touring, worship events, music releases, huge ministries, and so much more. I will never forget the feeling of walking into those offices every morning, looking at the platinum records on the wall, and feeling that bliss excitement and song in my heart screaming, “You are exactly where you need to be.”

And to think… I almost settled because of doubt. I almost missed out on an amazing opportunity that affirmed my calling.

What are you holding back from due to fear of failure? Don’t let that stop you in 2019.

When people see the favor, open doors, and fullness of our lives as Christ followers, they can’t help but ask—what is it about you that makes you so different?

How are you so peaceful in the face of life’s storms?

How are you so full of joy in such painful circumstance?

The truth is we have a hope and a freedom that surpasses anything that this world can offer. The sooner we latch on to that, the easier it is to leave fear behind, trust God, and step into the fullness of your calling.

God not only cares about your dreams, He’s actually the author of them. He planted those dream-seeds in your heart. It is our decision what we do with them. When we do not wait for His perfect timing—His proper seasons, pruning, growth, and rain, we prematurely uproot and abort our dreams. If He allows the dream to grow, because we insisted on growing them ourselves, we fail to use the plant to its proper ability and design, and the harvest is lacking or unfulfilling. But when we allow The Father to give us the proper instructions, we grow beautiful, healthy crops that reap a harvest that exceeds our highest expectation!

Remember how I told you the people who live for their own desires are actually slaves to them? They are unfulfilled because they are trying to fill a God-sized hole in their heart with themselves. Their own dreams or desires. When you worship yourself and your own dreams, they actually never satisfy you.

This is because God created your dreams, calling, and heart. Therefore, He is the only one who understand how to satisfy and fulfill it. So today, trust in the promise that He is the maker and the keeper of your dreams and when you fix our eyes upon Him and not what He can give, He will exceed your wildest imaginations.

I want you to picture yourself standing before God, with your dreams in your hands. Now imagine yourself reaching up, and handing those dreams over to Him. God looks at you, with the warmest smile, then takes the dreams in His hands. He turns around, puts them inside of a beautiful treasure chest, and picks up something else inside that he has been waiting your whole life to give you. What He pulls out, is radiating light, ten times bigger, and tailor made just for you. They are His dreams and plans for you that He hand-crafted all the way back when you were being formed by Him in your mother’s womb!

These are the dreams and plans that will fulfill your purpose and calling on this earth. They incorporate every aspect of who you are and the special, uniquely designed you! And they are better than any dream you could ever imagine. But in order to receive them, you first have to hand over your will and the dreams you have. He won’t throw them away. He will be gentle, and place them in His beautiful treasure chest, and give you something even better!

Why do we have to surrender our dreams to the Lord? Well, sacrifice is God’s love language. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, to show that the gift was not more treasured in his heart than the Gift Giver. Jesus even sacrificed his own life for you on the cross so you wouldn’t have to experience separation from God the Father.

Even the king and creator of the universe is not exempt from the sacrificial nature of love and relationship. The remarkable thing, is that in every case, God rewards the hearts of those who gave up themselves and their dreams up for His sake, and gave them back more than they could ever fathom possible!

Rest in the goodness of God. Rest in the fact that He is LOVE and will never hurt you, keep your dreams from you, or control you. Don’t let any fear bully you or keep you from the wild, crazy, God-dreams of your heart.

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.” Ephesians 3:20

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

You can access more posts, devotionals, prayers & more on my website:

http://thechosengirl.info/

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doraxmilaje-blog · 6 years

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[Solved] Fix Isdone.dll Error In Windows 10

Normally people might download crypt32.dll from a "DLL download" webpage to change the previous one, but it is not a good suggestion, and you can obtain it from its unique, reputable supply. It is feasible that old or corrupt model of system causes IEFRAME.DLL error. And then manage an online based diagnostic to affirm your system safety .You should not doubt this system! If non of these things work then attempt third occasion PST Repair software as a way to perform the repair and recovery work. To check your Laptop for RAM related errors, you can use the Windows Reminiscence Diagnostic tool, but users advocate using third celebration tools for this function. Hence it is advisable to the person to make use of software method. All of it permits applications to execute graphical user interface. 2. Your Scrrun.dll file is overwritten after you put in some new purposes. Some applications have been put in or uninstalled improperly.

SP1 could be uninstalled from the Packages & Features section by clicking on View Installed Updates and right clicking on Service Pack and selecting uninstall. It is not going to affect any of your private knowledge however remove purposes, and other packages put in after the restore level was made. Do not forget knowledge recovery process if the problem take away, hides your important information on USB and other drives. One is Synsoacc.dll that is generally used by AC-3 algorithm and binary synchronous communication (BSC) processes to coordinate the info out there for calculations. Obtain the advpack dll file and put it aside to your laptop. 1. You save hundred of dollars instead of paying the computer technician, who will repair Scrrun.dll error for one time. How to repair PWMTR64V.DLL Error Manually? There is no have to be afraid, because sure signs might clearly replicate that such errors have been encountered with the web.dll file. Subsequent, laptop laptop stays proper now there and may not really go on transferring a short time. You could go to have a look, and make a determination all by yourself finally.

This file's functions make it an integral a part of the windows system, so when this vital half goes unsuitable, your system both exhibits the blue screen or behaves in a very strange method. Iacenc.dll error is a represent system errors.Should you understand an correct way to repair it, you can study a correct method to repair system errors by the identical concept. To repair thisL error and any kind of other Windows issues, you want to realize what does the explanation of the error message. You'll find out about the character of this error, what causes this glitch, and most importantly - how to fix it. However, it should at all times tell you that you’ve a DLL file lacking. A program attempting to access this file will throw an error when the file is missing. This can be a special program that is used specifically for cleaning invalid entries that cause Pc errors.

As any invalid or damaged registry entry can result in the error. Maybe you might have realized that pc registry is the central part for Home windows Pc. So it is not steered that you simply clear the system registry manually. It is suggested you to take away the faux file together with your antivirus program or a system scanner software. The professional Dll error restore tool can fulfill this job for you. Ddkpjlmon.dll file is present in system listing: C://Windows/System32. I actually believe that a majority of of individuals are actually probable to have the exact same laptop system live much like me. DLL or Dynamic Link Libraries are extrinsic items of software that function on working system. Exactly what are the explanations behind this model of Windows XP error? Could be for a lot of other causes. This error can happen on all forms of system, together with the most recent Home windows 10 units. Because ARunUK.dll is a course of which is produced by computer system, it can't be utilized away with any situation.

Step 2: Within the Command Prompt window that opens, sort the command talked about beneath and press Enter key to re-register isDone.dll file. Once you open it, kind Regedit in the dialog box and click Ok. Open up your "My Laptop" desktop icon. So, it is actually essential to get rid of this error from your pc when you discover it. Once the computer is required for a very long time, your laptop computer or laptop is possible to runs not too well as beforehand. Presently it is not really suitable. With these scenario, you had better study a sensible strategy to restore system errors absolutely. Generally, the vga.dll file is located in Home windows System listing:C:Windows System32. KI.dll is a program which is just about the additional icons for IrfanView application. B6DC8F91d01 is kind of normal and unusual file which is required and utilized by program to execute and operate usually. It repairs corrupted DLL file effectively. This error happens when a DLL not exists at the given location .To keep away from the total system crash, the Working System will display this error. What's jdvkc.dll error?

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signetofworlds · 6 years

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Under the Sign of the Dark (Antipaladin Codes)

(art by SirTiefling)

Follow the dead in the dark of damnation

Pious in head and a demon at heart Sworn to the night an evangelist nation born Under the sign of dark

-Powerwolf, “Incense and Iron”

Evil is a lot more picky about its champions than one would expect. This is not to say that evil deities will boot out those who flock to them because these individuals are insufficiently sinful (in fact, a willingness to take and train most anyone is one of the major advantages evil has over good). I’m simply saying that if you want to rise to wealth and power through the fiendish planes, you better be willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears (both yours and others’) to get the dark lords to notice you. One of saddest sights in existence is watching a bunch of inadequately committed fools proselytize to a deity who actively rejects their prayers, and this tends to happen far more often to casual disciples of hell than to those with a passing fancy for heaven.

The way the churches of Erastil, Apsu, and less-relevant-to-me good gods tell it, you would think that evil’s greatest strength is that it’s willing to take any fool off the street and invest him with the kind of power that an angelic priest spends decades trying to master. As a person who has spent countless years observing the ascensions, machinations, and terminations of mighty beings who could be dubbed “evil” from most standard points of view (or at least from the point of view dictating how that sort of magic works), I can assure you that the strongest followers of Asmodeus, Lamashtu, and their ilk are a small and immensely dedicated collective, one whose loyalty has been tested and found valid on numerous occasions before they could even erect a Magic Circle Against Good. There are good reasons for why you hear about Paladins falling far more often than you hear about Antipaladins faltering in their destructive pursuits, and only a few of them have to do with the immensely stifling moral codes imposed upon most every “Good” faith by a certain obnoxious and inadequately nuanced goddess).

Just as a Paladin draws strength from faith in their ability to make the world a better place, an Antipaladin’s unholy might is derived from a fervent belief that existence is so completely abominable that the only course of action is to double down on the atrocities until something changes. Some absurd desire to injure animals, terrify children, or drink the blood of your enemies is not enough to make the dark gods take notice of your convictions (though from what I hear these traits don’t exactly hurt your chances). To become a true sentinel of evil that stands out from the mass of fiends and sinners, you must be willing to push yourself towards twisted ideals that transcend your simple mortal comprehension of pleasure and suffering. A paladin is expected to dedicate themself to a greater cause in order to retain their powers, and an antipaladin is expected to exceed even a paladin’s (frankly absurd) level of loyalty.

Now, although I’ve gone to numerous rather extreme lengths to avoid associating myself with agents of evil, I have nonetheless familiarized myself with the ideas, teachings, and tenets of numerous unsavory and evil faiths so that I can understand their plights and perhaps mitigate their impact on reality (or potentially support it, as not all of these ideas are terrible). I present here the chief ideologies and commitments which fuel the Smiters of Good all across the multiverse, with special focus being given to the non-demonic and non-daemonic patrons whom not enough powerful entities are concerned about.

Ahriman (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of Ahriman are often jaded or cynical about the advancements that “civilization” has brought to the world, especially when enlightened objectives and advanced magical techniques have been utilized for the greedy pursuits of the few. They seek to humble the powerful by despoiling the edifices they stand upon. Their tenets are as follows

-Mortals are not meant to wield the forces of creation or the might of the outsiders for their own whims. I will teach them their folly.

-Wealth, beauty, and love are little more than fabrications to hide oneself from oblivion. I will tear down these facades and expose the truth to those who run from it.

-Only in oblivion can one find purity. When I destroy, I do so with the assurance target my target shall never again be rebuilt

-I will guide others on the path to ruin. A group of ruinous fools can accomplish far more than one dedicated agent of oblivion

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Break

2nd-Shatter

3rd-Stinking Cloud

4th-Telekinesis

Dahak (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of Dahak are seekers of violence and humblers of the prideful, ruinous beings who strike at the powerful and the arrogant to show them how feeble they truly are. Most are dragons, but quite a few mortal dragonslayers make up their ranks as well. Their tenets are as follows

-A silent death brings no revolution. When my enemies fall, I will make their defeats spectacular

-Weak opponents are not worthy of my concern. I will challenge those who place themselves above others.

-Never shall I descend into pride or hubris. I will let my actions speak for themselves.

-I will tolerate blind devotion in others only insofar as I cannot prevent it. Followers deserve to have their gods broken.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Ear-Piercing Scream

2nd-Scales of Deflection

3rd-Draconic Reservoir

4th-Dragon’s Breath

Fumeiyoshi (from Dragon Empires Gazetteer)

Pushing beyond Fumeiyoshi’s disregard for honor, Antipaladins of the Lord of Envy seek to tear down the foundations of honor and tradition which they believe enshrine the inhumanities of society. Their tenets are as follows

-Never shall I sacrifice myself for honor or pride. These things are the bindings of fools

-I will not judge others on matters of dishonor. Such trivial notions fail to reflect truly worthwhile qualities in an individual

-There is no nobleman or peasant, no worthy or unworthy being, merely those who are honest with themselves and those who hide behind formalities

-Silence is little better than death. I will say what needs to be spoken, politeness be damned

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Chill Touch

2nd-Rage

3rd-Fly

4th-Charm Monster

Ghlaunder (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of the Gossamer King are parasites, manipulators, and spreaders of disease, following in their gods’ example by deceiving the virtuous and exploiting all those who would fail to grasp their true intentions. Most are tyrants who pose as heroes, relishing in how their victims are turned upon all others would claim to help them. Their tenets are as follows

-I do what I wish to those who are too weak or foolish to resist me. There is no pity or relent for the incompetent

-The weak are unfit to crowd this world, and I will see these weaker individuals eliminated so that their descendants will not afflict us further

-No good deed goes unpunished, and I will see that those who offer their hands in compassion obtain their just punishment

-Charity is the path to oblivion, and I will see that I never surrender my dignity or belongings to the true service of somebody lesser than I.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Infernal Healing

2nd-Blood Armor

3rd-Glibness

4th-Caustic Blood

Gyronna (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of Gyronna are scorned, spiteful individuals who remember the grievous personal wounds inflicted upon them by the world and seek to repay them through suffering. As with the rest of Gyronna’s faith, they are all women, with the vast majority being outcasts with violent and tendencies. Their tenets include the following affirmations

-Idle bonds such as love and friendship cannot be forged with the liars and oppressors of the world. My loyalties are to my goddess, my sisters, and myself only

-I offer aid and compassion to those who have been ruined and cast away by the world. They become my sisters in time.

-Never shall I remain silent as an innocent woman is abused by those who call themselves just. The world must know of our suffering.

-A lifetime of impotent suffering is a more worthy punishment than a quick death. When convenient, my foes are to be left alive and mutilated.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Lock Gaze

2nd-Crimson Confession

3rd-Howling Agony

4th-Curse of Disgust

Hanspur (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of Hanspur are an order of twisted knights who claim to enforce the Six River Freedoms across the River Kingdoms and abroad. They punish those who would threaten the freedoms and maintain the balance of power amongst warring factions of the River Kingdoms, even if that means atrocious acts. Their tenets are as follows

-I keep the roads and rivers free of those who would attempt to hoard them for themselves.Those who take such territory for themselves are duly punished

-The Slaver and the Oathbreaker are a pestilence, and neither deserve mercy

-No one rule may control all. I will ensure that dissidents are always given their opportunity

-I am better than a simple thief. My foes will have the opportunity to defend themselves should I confront them.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Alarm

2nd-Hydrophobia

3rd-Hydraulic Torrent

4th-Find the Path

Lady Nanbyo (from Dragon Empires Gazetteer)

Antipaladins of Lady Nanbyo are opportunistic and brutally sadistic individuals who prey upon lands ravaged by natural disasters. They finish the works they believe their goddess to have begin, eliminating survivors and reducing what few structures still stand to dust. Their tenets are as follows

-Ruin is the will of the universe, survivors aberrations against it. I end those who dare to cheat oblivion

-Through destruction comes renewal. I shall view every defeat as an opportunity to grow stronger

-Death is the closure of all things. My opponents will not live to fester in defeat

-If I face my own death, I do so bravely and without hesitation or regret

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Thunderstomp

2nd-Tremor Blast

3rd-Raging Rubble

4th-Firefall

Lao Shu Po (from Dragon Empires Gazetteer)

Antipaladins of Lao Shu Po often come from humble origins, rising to power through the guidance and teachings of their opportunistic goddess. Many are Wayangs or Ratfolk, and most take pleasure in idea of disrupting or perverting the plans of other divinities. Their tenets are as follows

-Life promises nothing. I take what I can through my own power

-The best plans of men and gods can be torn apart from within. From the shadows I dismantle the fragile world these fools have built.

-My pursuit is wealth and influence, not glory. The shadows of the world are my ally

-No dirty tactic is below me, nor any illicit pleasure

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Expeditious Retreat

2nd-Urban Step

3rd-Tiny Hut

4th-Dimension Door

Ragadahn (from The First World: Realm of the Fey)

Inspired by the immense power and cast knowledge wielded by the Water Lord, Antipaladins of Ragadahn are a mixture of brutal tyrants who rule the seas and occult warrior-scholars who gather the lore of countless nations to fill Ragadahn’s archives with their secrets. Their tenets are as follows

-I will respect the wisdom of my elders, for there is no greater teacher than time

-The sea is the source of all life and the force that will one day consume it. I will respect and understand its power while showing no mercy to those who threaten it

-Many questions do not have answers, but I will seek to uncover their truths nonetheless

-So long as my foes retain secrets of value, they shall live so that I can extract them

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Charm Fey

2nd-Aquatic Trail

3rd-Sepia Snake Sigil

4th-Freedom of Movement

Scal (from Pathfinder Adventure Path 123)

Antipaladins of Scal are warped mystics who seek to purify themselves through the ruin they inflict on others. Violence is their path to self-betterment and ultimately enlightenment, with universal clarity becoming ever-clearer with every release of violence from the soul. Although Scal’s followers are quite rare, they immense destruction that his mightiest disciples leave in their wake is legendary. Their tenets are as follows

-There is instability and weakness within me, which will be purged through the violence I unleash on those around me.

-So long as I exist, I shall continue to improve my craft of violence so that I may more effectively achieve purity

-I will guide others on the path to violence so that they may be freed from the shackles of impurity that bind them.

-Compassion and attachment are the sources of my fault, and ascension requires that I rid myself of such fetters

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Stone Fist

2nd-Visualisation of the Mind

3rd-Force Punch

4th-Detonate

Set (from Pathfinder Adventure Path 80)

Antipaladins of Set are ruthless agents of insurrection and conquest who look to the atrocities of their god as being the tools which will reforge the world into a more perfect and virile state (which typically means that they end up at the top). Most often, they are warlords or politicians of some manner, hailing from numerous races. Their tenets include the following affirmations

-Nothing is sacred or safe from my reach. Tradition and rules exist only so long as it is convenient to abide by them and should be torn down when they fail.

-Weakness is not to be tolerated or promoted. Vulnerabilities should be exploited, fools deceived, and challengers beaten.

-As power is the ultimate determinant in nature, so too shall it be in civilization if intelligent life is to escape oblivion

-Conquest is a sacred rite, one which allows the great to improve the world through the elimination of their lessers. If a foe wishes to challenge me, I will meet them on the field

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Hairline Fractures

2nd-Dust of Twilight

3rd-Aura of Cannibalism

4th-Beast Shape II

Thamir Gixx (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of Thamir Gixx are mighty agents of their god’s subversive agenda, working to acquire wealth and bring down in those in power through whatever methods are open to them. Most all are halflings, and many also possess training in stealthy classes such as Rogue, Slayer, or Assassin. Their tenets include the following affirmations

-I allow no moral quandary to hold back my ambitions. Fear, mistrust, and doubt are valuable tools at my belt

-I will make my own way in the world, succeeding through my own effort and honing my own abilities. Myself is the only thing I can trust

-If a problem can be solved with death, there is no reason to needlessly complicate the affair.

-Never shall I forget the sins and slights committed against me. In time, I will take my revenge.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Illusion of Calm

2nd-Misdirection

3rd-Displacement

4th-Darkvault

Ulon (from Pathfinder Adventure Path 123)

Although they are all but extinct in this day in age, Antipaladins of Ulon were once cunning strategists and lethal agents of truth who unleashed strange, dark secrets upon the world while caring naught for the dangers their information may inflict. Their tenets include the following affirmations

-Never shall I accept any word or fact without scepticism. There is always some unknown factor at work which has yet to be uncovered

-I will seek the truth that lies within every shadow, discerning the true methods and motives of those around me.

-Although I pursue the truth, I will not share it with just anyone. Like my lipless master I will guide the world to realizations without exposing my own methods

-My faith in Ulon must never be disclosed to others, and I will fabricate whatever lies are necessary to keep my order and what we have learned hidden

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Erase

2nd-Explosive Runes

3rd-Conversing Wind

4th-False Vision

Urazra (from Inner Sea Gods)

Antipaladins of Urazra are violent fanatics who indulge absolutely in the god’s belief that physical might and a mastery of violence are the ultimate determinants of greatness. Most are stone giants, and young stone giants at that, but the god of violence has acquired a following amongst both orc and human raiders. Their tenets are as follows.

-Strength is the ultimate virtue. The inheritors of the earth shall be those who can hold it longest

-No mission is more noble than to take from others what they cannot defend. To allow one mercy for their own inadequacies is to perpetuate their folly.

-Creation is the domain of weaker beings. I do not waste my time or strength upon building what I can take from others

-Caution, restraint, and civility are relics of a weak age. I have no need for them

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Enlarge Person

2nd-Badger’s Ferocity

3rd-Mass Enlarge Person

4th-Giant Form I

Ydersius (from Pathfinder Adventure Path 42)

Antipaladins of Ydersius are most often Serpentfolk or other reptilian races who wish to restore their people to the glorious golden age of ancient times (it really wasn’t all that impressive). The Father of Serpents’ humanoid followers are typically assassins, politicians, and other schemers who turn to this alleged mastermind for guidance in their own plots. Their tenets include the following affirmations

-The old ways were what made us strong once and have enabled our people to survive in the darkest of times. I will cling fast to the teachings of those who came before me.

-Every blade needs a limb to guide it, just as every voice is powerless without a hand to execute its will. I fight alongside my people for our common return to dominance.

-Though I will work with my fellows as needed, I must never become reliant on them to survive. Every follower of Ydersius must serve to their utmost potential

-Never must I debase myself by treating a non-serpentfolk as a superior or equal. In time, these lesser races shall once again learn their proper place.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Anticipate Peril

2nd-Greater Scale Spikes

3rd-Sundered Serpent Coil

4th-Hellmouth Lash

Zyphus (from Inner Sea Gods)

Relishing in senseless and tragic death, Antipaladins of Zyphus wage war upon not only upon the edifices of stability propped up by gods and mortals but also the futile concept of destiny itself (a cause that I most certainly agree with, in spite of my opposition to some of these individuals’ methods). Existing among all races and cultures, Zyphen Antipaladins are among the most cruel and sadistic mortals imaginable due to the powerful purpose of their cruelty. Their tenets are as follows

-Chance is the arbiter of all things, the only certainty in this mad universe. I do not gripe of its inconvenience

-There is no plan or destiny which cannot be ruined by chance. I will prove this to all who challenge me.

-All those who enforce order upon creation, who proselytize on the significance of death or the machinations of some cosmic truth, face the edge of my blade (THIS is why I tend not to associate with these lunatics)

-I will sow death wherever I travel. The more unexpected and tragic, the better.

Unique Antipaladin Spells

1st-Ill Omen

2nd-Severed Fate

3rd-False Future

4th-Curse of Unexpected Death

Apep, Groetus and the Outer Gods/Great Old Ones

Antipaladins of Groetus, Yog-Sothoth, Cthulhu, and all those other cosmic entities whose concern for humanity or morality is so minimal it cannot be quantified with any metaphor intelligible to the human mind are deluded if they think that their masters are going to care about how they treat their fellows or how shiny their armor is. Antipaladins of these beings do exist, but the patrons pay no attention to them and these unholy warriors typically make up some sort of bizarre code for themselves to further delude themselves that their patrons somehow value them (a rather large number of these codes involve keeping your chest perfectly shaved, wearing bright colors all the time, and avoiding anything made with peanuts, for reasons even I cannot fathom). The deity that is effectively judging your worthiness is your own pathetic sense of grandeur and self-importance, so I’m thinking that the only way to really break your oath is to develop the self-awareness to realize that nothing you do will ever get the attention of a higher being (fallen Antipaladins of the Outer Gods, on the extremely rare occasions they do emerge, tend to spend a lot of time feeling sorry for themselves).

This is not an attack on the personal character of Outer God Antipaladins. A drinking buddy of mine once upon a time was an Antipaladin of Groetus, and they deserved a death far more dignified than being thrown into deep space without any knickers.

Antipaladin variant multiclassing

A character who chooses antipaladin as their secondary class gains the following secondary class features.

Code:

At 1st level, they must follow the antipaladin's code of conduct and gains the antipaladin's aura of evil.

Detect Good:

At 3rd level, they can detect good as a 1st-level antipaladin.

Touch of Corruption:

At 7th level, they gain the ability to use touch of corruption a number of times per day equal to 1/2 their character level, dealing as much damage as an antipaladin of their character level – 4.

Smite Good:

At 11th level, they gain the ability to smite good once per day as an antipaladin of their character level – 4.

Cruelty:

At 15th level, they select one mercy from the antipaladin's 3rd-level cruelty list.

Fiendish Boon:

At 19th level, they gain a fiendish boon of a weapon as an antipaladin of their character level – 3.

Antipaladin Creatures (CR +2 or +3)

Antipaladin creatures can battle evil using smite good and heal using lay on hands, and they possesses many enhanced defenses as well (quite troublesome to take down, if I do say so myself). An antipaladin creature’s CR increases by 3 if the creature has 10 or more HD. An antipaladin creature must be chaotic evil (or lawful evil, in the case of tyrant antipaladin creatures.

Quick Rules

+2 on all rolls based on Str and Cha; can smite good† once per day (treating its HD as its antipaladin level for the purposes of damage); can use touch of corruption once per day (dealing 1d6 damage for every 2 HD it possesses instead of using its antipaladin level); gains detect good and unholy resilience (if the creature has 10 or more HD, it also gains aura of despair).

Rebuild Rules

Defensive Abilities unholy resilience (if the creature has 10 or more HD, it also gains aura of despair); Special Attacks smite good ability once per day (treating its HD as its antipaladin level for the purposes of damage); Special Qualities detect good as the antipaladin class feature, touch of corruption once per day (dealing 1d6 damage for every 2 HD it possesses instead of using its antipaladin level); Ability Scores +4 Strength and Charisma.

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pamphletstoinspire · 6 years

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MARY THE CHURCH AT THE SOURCE - PART 9

WRITTEN BY: JOSEPH CARDINAL RATZINGER AND HANS URS VON BALTHASAR

________

THE CATHOLICITY OF THE CHURCH

“Whoever would boast, let him boast in the Lord.” Whoever would offer best wishes and congratulations, let him likewise do it in the Lord. He is the one who through his shepherds distributes his gifts to the Church as he wills. And, even in the Church’s hands, these gifts remain, thanks be to God, his. If they were ours, we would be crushed by the feeling of our impotence. He has called us and has built us up on the foundation of Peter, who denied him, and of Paul, who persecuted him, so that—amid tears and with contrite hearts, without which there is no priestly office—we may speak and act openly and in the joy of the Holy Spirit,

We are only stewards, and we are doubly dispossessed: for the sake of the Lord who sends us and for the sake of the Church to which he sends us and which we love because she is his bride. On this feast how could we not speak of this object of our love? Is it not the most delightful subject? The Church. Not, however, in her failure, her scandals, her inner conflicts, in the water that goes up to her neck. Rather, the Church insofar as she is proof against all this, in the unsurpassable breadth on account of which we hail her as the Catholica.

Our topic, then, is the catholicity of the church. The catholicity of the Church will always remain a paradox and, for very many people, a scandal. How could an entity that is as limited, even more, as fallible, as this empirical Church claim for herself a universality that does not leave out anything human or divine? How could she claim a universality of living truth, of true life?

The non-believer will object that universality could consist only in the sum of all of humanity’s genuine experiences, of all its cultures and historical epochs, whereas the Catholic Church is only an infinitesimal fraction of that sum! The believer will object that, if anyone, it would be the God-man who could lay claim to universality, since he cannot be convicted of any sin, the fullness of Godhead dwells bodily in him, and he recapitulates everything in heaven and on earth. Not, however, the Church, which blasphemes if she tries to identify herself with her Lord.

We may draw a twofold, a priori conclusion from what we have just said. A church that claims to be catholic would have to have a very special relationship to the universal experience of humanity and a very special relationship to the God-man. Only on the basis of this twofold relationship (whose possibility we do not yet see) could she legitimately be called the Catholica, and not a Christian sect.

We will briefly survey the first relation, which will by its inner logic bring us to a more thorough discussion of the second.

Anthropological Catholicity

Biblical faith is one: from Abraham to Jesus and Paul. There are not two ways of believing. Abraham is the archetype that Israel set as a seal over its history: departure from one’s own world, blind trust in the God who promises tremendous things but shows nothing of them, worse still, who starts things off, who gives the son of the promise, and then demands the gift back on Moriah. God so outweighs any other considerations that he can demand, not only faith, but blind faith, faith that does not waver if God seems to contradict himself openly. Later on, an entire people journeying through the wilderness will be trained in this kind of trust. And the desert journey continues even after the taking of the land, even in the exile and beyond: again and again the prophets train Israel in this letting go, this refusal to grasp, this trust and hope.

Jesus brings nothing other than this faith, but he does so as the “author and finisher of faith” who embodies it in person. He himself is pure trust that goes so far as the night of abandonment by the Father, without assurance, no longer understanding, in absolute preference of another’s will. What he does and lets be done he imparts with plenary authority. His preaching is nothing but training in this fundamental act, which he both demands from man and coaxes from him at the same time. “I believe, help my unbelief.” He entices man to make the leap and stretches out a hand to strengthen him for it. And so we realize: In him we can make the leap, he himself is the leap, from man to God—and, therefore, first from God to man. “In Deo meo transiliam murum” [in my God I will leap over the wall] (2 Sam 22:30). “Nihil cepimus; in verbo tuo autem laxabo rete” [we have caught nothing, but at your word I will lower the net] (Lk 5:5). The disciples do not really realize this until after the Resurrection. God himself stretched forth his hand to Jesus, indeed, Jesus himself is God’s hand stretched out to man.

When Paul lives henceforth “en Christo” and preaches accordingly, he is proclaiming, not some strange new doctrine, but, as he himself knows, the very consummation of Abraham’s faith in Jesus the Christ. He, Jesus, is, in fact two things: the Word of God and its fulfillment, hence, the new and eternal covenant between God and man.

Now this fulfillment is two things at once: first, it is the fulfillment of the fundamental act of the creature as such; second, it is the fulfillment of God’s promises.

The fundamental act of the creature is religio. Religio is the act of relating myself back to the Absolute, which I am not, winch I do not even know, and which above all I do not control, but to which I owe my being and which I prefer to everything that is not absolute. “Je préfere l’Absolu” [I prefer the absolute] (Claudel) is the origin of the wisdom of India, of China, ultimately, of the religion of every nation that has had the wisdom to understand that any defiance any questioning of God, who is always right, is sheer stupidity.

Religio is often clouded by magic, but even magic can have something touching about it, insofar as it expresses the surmise that, when man is in trouble, the Divinity cannot remain unmoved. Any world view that fails to go back to and unfold from, this fundamental act does not deserve to be called love of wisdom, philo-sophia. Biblical faith is not as one Christian sect believes, antithetical to this fundamental act of spiritual nature; rather, it is its unique fulfillment—though one awakened and empowered by God And because the Catholic Church acknowledges the rootedness of her faith in the catholicity of the religious mind, she has a prima facie claim to this title. But there is also a second element.

God does not so much lead Abraham back to the Alpha, the origin (re-ligio), as forward to the Omega, the future fulfillment. Israel is, today as always, the alternative to religio: hope in the God who is coming. This is the other side of mankind’s religious experience, and there is no third. Admittedly, a broad segment of contemporary Israel has given up the presence of divine guidance and has retained only prophetism, radical departure into the future, historical transcendence into Utopia.

Jesus Christ is called Alpha and Omega: he has not only bound us back to our lost beginning, the Father, but has also set us in motion toward his absolute future. He alone is the force that binds together the beginning and the end, the force that can reconcile in itself, as the higher third, the two divergent world views: past and future, Buddhism and Marxism. For only in him is God presence, and so he alone can be the way back to the origin and ahead toward the consummation. Buddha, in pure faith, prefers the lost, bygone origin to everything present, to all apparent being. Marx, in pure hope, prefers the absolute goal to everything present, to all that actually exists. Christ alone establishes absolute love. This love, looking out from the present being of the world, which is affirmed by God, embraces at one and the same time both the beginning and the end.

The catholicity of Christ’s message and of the Church he founded lies in this one-of-a-kind, absolutely inimitable synthesis. And this synthesis works only because the double leap—from man to God and from God to man—works. The angels ascend and descend above the Son of Man; heaven and earth are reconciled in the God-man. Believing in Christ, who was and who is to come, the Church not only secures the religio of the pagans, but also the Utopian hope of the Jews: the total, catholic horizon of human religious thought.

Christological Catholicity

But does this synthesis of the religious act automatically give the Church the right to call herself “catholic”? Is not the synthesis of Christ, Alpha and Omega, so unique that it rules out any participation in his catholicity a priori? Yet what is Christ; what is the New Covenant? Verbum Caro! We have moved beyond the old antithesis: “Omnis caro foenum. . . . Verbum autem Domini manet in aeternum” [all flesh is grass. . . . But the Word of the Lord abides for ever] (Is 42:6, 8), from the word that speaks at man to word-flesh. And so to faith-flesh. The flesh now has the word It is not the mind alone that makes every act of faith that prefers God and hopes in him, but the whole man, down to the foundation of matter.

There is no getting away from it: flesh means man and woman, spousal love, mother and child. Otherwise flesh is not really present. If we want to do justice to the incarnation [Fleischwerdung] of the Word of God, we have to be attentive to woman. The fundamental act can no longer be just faith in a word or hope in a promise. It now has to be love for the origin that descends in an act of love. It has to be consent of the whole man down to the deepest fibers of his flesh. If these fibers were not an echoing readiness, how could the Word become flesh? If it becomes flesh, it has to emerge from the deepest foundations of life. And this deepest depth has to receive the Word, not as an empty abyss in pure passivity, but with the active readiness with which a feminine womb receives the masculine seed.

The fundamental act—let us think back to it for a moment—was to prefer the Absolute. The Absolute is right no matter what; our part is to let it have its way (Zen!). Today there is a foolish controversy going on about the primacy of orthodoxy or orthopraxy. Which comes first, which is really decisive? The answer is easy: Neither of them. Neither doxy nor praxy, neither merely thinking something is true nor rushing headlong into action. In the beginning is God’s Word, who intends to become flesh. His is the praxis; my part is to let him have his way in me, to consent, to say Yes down to the deepest recesses of my flesh. True, this is an action, but it is an action that responds to what God does; true, it is faith, yet not in a proposition, but in God’s personal action in me. And if this Yes were not free, totally free, down to the unconscious layers of our being, it would not be human assent. But where could man get a Yes that was so free, without spot or wrinkle, without the slightest even unconscious restriction, if not as a gift from the hand of God?

But are we not talking about two different acts: God’s bestowal of this freedom (perhaps upon some pure passivity) and, then, our appropriation and active exercise of this freedom? Do these acts not differ in the way that Protestants, say, distinguish between justification and sanctification: in the former, God (in Christ) acts sovereignly on me, while in the latter his action (in the Holy Spirit) enters into me? Something like this two-step process may happen in the case of the sinner, but not in the case of the original Incarnation. In order to have his Word become flesh, God needs an a priori Yes that allows everything.

And it really is a someone who, with perfect creaturely freedom, becomes the womb and bride and Mother of the incarnating God. This someone’s fundamental act is neither a Buddhistic surrendered unfree self-being into the abyss of the absolute nor a Marxist self-endowment with freedom by which man becomes his own creator. Rather, it is the act of receiving from the God who gives himself unconditionally the gift of receiving him unconditionally.

The foundation of the Church’s catholicity is this fundamental act that takes place in the chamber of Nazareth—and in it alone. This catholicity is the unconditional openness of the ecce ancilla which, by giving God unlimited room beforehand, is the creaturely counterpart of God’s infinitely self giving love.

Those who think that the Church started later—with the vocation of the Twelve, for example, or with the bestowal of supreme authority on Peter—have already missed the heart of the matter. They can never go beyond an empirical or sociological reality that cannot be qualitatively different from the synagogue. Even the “infallibility” of office then hangs perilously in the air. It has nowhere else to put down roots than the fallibility of the human beings who exercise it.

Now, where does this bride “without spot or wrinkle” (Eph 5:27), this “pure virgin” who is to be betrothed to Christ (2 Cor 11:2) exist, if the universal, catholic Yes that we must expect her to give is not real somewhere, not simply an ideal, an approximation (like all our Yesses), or an eschatological hope (so that the Church would become genuinely catholic only in eternity)? How could the Catholica come into being anywhere if her inmost reality were not created at the very first instant of the New Covenant—as the Mother of the Child, the Mother who has to be a virgin in flesh and in spirit so that she can be the incarnate, catholic consent to the unconditional penetration of the divine Word into the flesh?

We can anticipate three conclusions from this.

1. The Marian or catholic fundamental act is so original that it is beyond contemplation and action. The Yes that founds the Church and all Christian existence in the Church is both prayer to God and cooperation with God’s engagement for man. Prayer in the Church should strive to give form to this Yes: as adoration, as thanks, as petition that works within and concretizes God’s gracious will, and at the same time as consent that goes along with everything that God is doing in the world, as readiness to be used, to be used up, in God’s work.

2. The Marian or catholic fundamental act is beyond childhood [Unmündigkeit] and adulthood [Mündigkeit]. At its origin it has to be childlike and dependent, since only the “childlike” are called blessed, whereas the mystery of the Father is concealed from the wise and the clever and the grownups. And precisely these children, who are overshadowed, not by their own spirit, but by the Holy Spirit, are the ones who are fruitful and adult in the Christian sense. They bear responsibility, but it is not theirs. It is God’s. They do not carry out a mission of their own, which must needs be limited, like a horse wearing blinders. No, they act within the unlimited, universal, catholic mission of Jesus Christ.

3. The Marian or catholic fundamental act is beyond understanding and not understanding. When you say Yes to God unconditionally, you have no idea how far this Yes is going to take you. Certainly farther than you can guess and calculate beforehand, certainly as far as participation in failure and derision, Cross and Godforsakenness—but just how far and in what form? At the same time, this Yes is the sole, nonnegotiable prerequisite of all Christian understanding, of all theology and ecclesial wisdom. You cannot understand a Lord in whom “all the promises of God find their Yes” (2 Cor 1:20) alongside of this Yes. Christian truth is esoteric in the sense that it can be discerned only from within, in being carried out in faith and action, not from outside, from a box seat in the theater. Nor by a partial identification (with the reservations that implies), but only out of a total, universal, and, therefore, catholic identification with God’s ways in the flesh.

The Catholic Church, whose qualitative foundation is laid in the house of Nazareth, takes on her outward, visible dimension in the course of the life, death, and Resurrection of Christ. Nazareth makes the idea of “becoming flesh” necessary for, and relevant to, the Church. A purely spiritual Church, an ideal Church, an invisible Church—all these are a priori uncatholic, because they do not take seriously the totality of man, who is both clay from below and breath breathed from above.

The distinctive substance of the New Testament came into being in Nazareth: enfleshed faith. And because a Church must come into being in order to guard Christ’s heritage and to guarantee his presence and relevance for all times, a nail, a stake, has to be driven into the flesh of the world’s history. It has to be palpably obvious, downright coarse, impossible to interpret away or to overlook. It has to be as painful as a nail of the Cross, handwriting on the wall warning all ages that God’s Word has become flesh, that it is not merely a word in individual consciences or merely paper you can purchase in a bookshop or merely an ethico-political plan of action that every generation is free to refashion to suit its needs. An awl in the flesh, an indelible reminder, a nail driven in so deeply that it can no longer be removed from the flesh of history Everything else can be hung on this nail. The nail is [ecclesiastical] office.

It would be so nice if we could dehistoricize the Gospel and put it on some humanistic common ground: “Christianity not Mysterious” (John Toland); “Christianity as Old as Creation” (Matthew Tindal); Christianity as an idealistic religion of reason (from Lessing to Hegel, from Strauß to Harnack). Unfortunately, we have learned two things since then: that we cannot detach Jesus from the culture of his time and its historical horizon—we have been warned against that, from Overbeck to Albert Schweitzer; and, simultaneously, that we know Jesus only through the testimonies of the primitive Church, that an abstraction from the records of the first Christians’ faith leads to a dark void. We know, in other words, that the game is up with idyllic, professorial, so-called “objective” portraits of Jesus.

But let us joyfully make the most of the (for scholarship sobering and depressing) insight that we cannot have Christ without his Church! That she alone preserves his legacy and his image, an image of which she, the bride, bears the imprint and which the Bridegroom’s Spirit has shaped out of her faith. The reciprocity of the Christ-Church relationship is as indissoluble as that of the relationship between mother and child.

Incarnate office is the ecclesial counterpart of Mary’s enfleshed Yes in the Church. Everything hangs, as if on a nail, on the election and empowerment of the Twelve, with Peter at their head. That this nail was hammered in by Jesus himself is beyond doubt. The Twelve, humiliated by betrayal, denial, and flight regroup in obedience after Easter, fill out their thinned ranks, and take over their assigned mission. Then the stupendous phenomenon of Paul appears on the scene, and his loving struggle with the Corinthian community establishes the archetype of a Church functioning according to the mind of Christ—in the divergence [Auseinandersetzung] and convergence [Ineinandersetzung] between office and community. Paul, who enters into an already formed tradition and explicitly hands it on—faith and morals—is certainly no innovator when it comes to exercising the authority of his office. The innovators are the Corinthian charismatics, and Paul calls them to order with all imaginable zeal, with his entire Christ-consecrated missionary existence.

The major Pauline letters have two foci: first, the order of redemption in Christ: the doctrine of justification and sanctification, above all in the Letter to the Galatians and the Letter to the Romans. Second, the order of the redeemed in the hierarchically [amtlich] constituted Church: the doctrine of the Church in the dramatic tension [Auseinandersetzung] between office and community, above all in First and Second Corinthians. The Reformers appropriated only the first half of Paulinism, whereas the Counter-Reformation unfortunately failed to exploit the full power of the second.

This second half is more dramatically relevant today than ever, yet there is nothing essential in contemporary assaults on the principle of hierarchical office, in the protests of the latest clerical and lay charismatics, that Paul’s ecclesiology (especially at the end of the Second Letter to the Corinthians) does not anticipate and correct. Paul orders and governs Church affairs, establishes ecclesiastical law, and lays down rules for the relationship between the strong and the weak. Above all, he shows that if the charismatic does not unceasingly transcend itself toward the Lord’s unity, it ceases to be catholic. And it is the function of the Church’s office to demand and enforce this transcendence. As a “ministry of Christ” [Dienstan Christus] in the Church, ecclesial office is the efficacious sign Christ himself has established to show that the body is alive only when it is governed and quickened from above itself, by the head.

The Church is a living body, and a body has a structure. Now, the Church’s structure is essentially her office, understood as a function for the sake of the organism. We totally miss the point when we disparage the structure of a living body with the term “institution”. The higher an organism is, the more developed and complex its organization. The rigid skeleton serves flexibility; the living flesh would be nothing but a shapeless mass without the body’s hard and tough parts.

The Church is primarily, not a sociological organization, but the living flesh of Christ that is fed by his Eucharist. It follows that the Church’s office and everything that goes with it—sacraments, tradition, the Bible, Church law and Church discipline, and so forth—is pneumatic. It goes without saying that in the New Testament pneuma is not the opposite of Incarnation; rather, it is its cause and, from another point of view, its enduring effect. The Christian should reflect for a moment: Are there any Christian goods he does not owe, directly or indirectly, to what he perhaps contemptuously dismisses as “institution” or the “establishment”? The real saints were all aware of this debt, and it is characteristic of them that they always remained in the organism of the Church, drew their life from her and added new organic tissue to her.

The objection that the Church structure depicted in Paul’s letters cannot serve as a model for the postapostolic period because later officeholders no longer possess the fullness of apostolic authority does not hold water. If this were the case, then a vital portion of the New Testament canon would have no more than antiquarian value for us. Paul makes a point of calling, not only himself, but also his collaborators and successors “servants of Christ”, “co-workers of God”, and he demands (in Corinth, no less) the very same reverent reception, the very same obedience for them as he does for himself Moreover, there is scarcely any interval of time between the pastoral letters, where we see these successors actively exercising their office, and the marvelous Letter of Clement, where Rome wields this same office with strength and delicate modesty by Rome in relation to Corinth.

Of course, the successors do not have the apostles’ Church-founding functions and the special powers belonging to them. Nor do they need them, for the structure has already been established and must only be kept alive. In the same way, the founder of an order receives special powers along with his unique mission. Yet this does not mean that abbots or other superiors will not succeed him.

Hierarchical office serves the charismatic dimension. It exists in order to awaken and foster personal and social life as well as to prune it for the sake of growth, indeed, to demand sacrifices from it, just like the vinedresser: “Every branch of mine that . . . bear[s] fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit” (Jn 15:2). Paul does this expressly when he calls for difficult sacrifices on the part of the so-called “strong”; they are not only to put up benevolently with the weak; they must set aside their own judgment when the welfare of the whole—to which these weak believers also belong—is at stake: “We who are strong ought. . . not to please ourselves. . . . For Christ did not please himself, but, as it is written, ‘the reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’ For whatever was written in former days was written for our [the strong’s] instruction” (Rom 15:14; emphasis added). And Paul is ready to face anyone, especially self-assured charismatics, with weapons that are powerful, not in an earthly sense, but genuinely (in other words, pneumatically) so. He will wield these weapons to destroy pseudo-theological “arguments and every proud obstacle to the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). He does so, though, in virtue of the “authority which the Lord has given me for building up and not for tearing down” (2 Cor 13:10). For when Paul takes “every thought captive” in order to lead it “to obey Christ”, he redirects a theology gone astray in a fancied freedom back to the Yes of perfect faith. This Yes gives the only true Christian freedom: incarnate pliancy to the incarnating Word of God.

Precisely at this point the catholicity of office comes into view. Hierarchical office is a permanently estabhshed principle in the Church whose essential function consists in preventing the inevitable particularity of a charism or an association of charisms from becoming self-enclosed. Indeed, office compels openness to something indefinitely greater than the charismatic club. It thus has the formal dimensions of the Marian Yes: everything, really everything, that God wills—however much it may transcend my horizon.

Once again let us draw three conclusions from what has been said. These will guide us along the way of further reflection.

1. Hierarchical office is, as has been said, the nail driven into history upon which the Church hangs. It is the guarantee of the Church’s fleshliness. As such, office is the ever new presence of the origin through all ages. It is more than a memory of the origin; it is its immediate presentation. More than a memoria, it is a real praesentia. It is this as pure service, as a self-effacement for the sake of one’s function, which is the necessary condition of acting and speaking with the authority of Christ. Just as Christ himself became the slave of God and of all men in order to act and speak in the authority of the Father, so too it is the task of hierarchical office to represent the unity of the head within the structure of the organism. Not to be this unity, but to embody it efficaciously in virtue of the will of the Founder. Now, without the unifying Petrine office, this representation would remain historically abstract and disincarnate. Solovyev understood this point perfectly. Individual groups and particular churches (each one with or without a leader) must come together in a common spirit.

One might make a virtue of ecumenical necessity and say that the point of convergence is Christ, who is enthroned above the whole history of the Church and her pluralism. Nevertheless, this would still leave the point of unity unincarnate within history, here and now, and the great words of institution in Matthew (16:18), Luke (22:32), and John (20:3-10; 21:1-19) would, needless to say, be unfulfilled. But another thing would remain unfulfilled as well: the sole historical guarantee that the necessary pluralism of theological schools, pastoral practices, and Spirit-kindled charisms can genuinely be integrated in a concrete unity and be understood as members of the one Lord. The office that is centrally unified in the pope is thus the guarantee and the decisive test that the unpredictable plurality of manifestations of Christian life is the fullness of a universal, Catholic unity.

2. Hierarchical office is, as was said, authority as pure service, hence, as an enduring sign that points away from itself to the Lord. It disappears, thus letting the Lord appear. For this reason, it is extremely misleading to call the priest alter Christus, for there is only one. In his sacramental and pastoral activity, the priest leaves the doing and the saying to the one Christ; but he has power to do precisely that. And even teaching, preaching, and the formulating of dogmas are always a pointer, a fragmentary explanation. Never a mastery of the full truth that is Christ. But precisely for this reason they can be an authentic guarding of the deposit of faith against usurpers who use theology to rationalize Christ’s living truth, as if they could master it like some philosophical system. What the Magisterium guards is, not a hoard of formulas, but the mystery to which all formulas can only point. On the other hand, it would not be the office it was instituted and founded to be if all it could do was point and were not, at crucial critical moments, a reliable, “infallible” marker in the fog.

3. Insofar as ministerial office is a representation that points to something else, it has to take its own bearings by what it points to. But it points both to Christ (and the triune God who appears in him) and to Christ’s immaculate bride, the pure vessel of the Holy Spirit: the Church that is integrally holy in Mary.

Peter and Mary are not identical. Thus, before Peter enters upon his office, he must be humiliated by the Lord in a way he will never forget, so that he will not mistake himself for the wrong person. So, too, Peter and all official ministers must always listen to the Spirit working and creating in the Marian Church and must also obey this Spirit, who speaks out of the saints and the authentic charismatics.

At the end of the fourth Gospel, even after Peter’s solemn installation in office, there remains a diastasis between him and the disciple whom Jesus loved, whose destiny is an un-revealable mystery that rests in the Lord’s hands alone. The Gospel of love ends with a great tribute to the Petrine office, but it subordinates this office to the service of a love that it,’ the office, can never fully oversee.

The duality of Mary and Peter, of the subjective holiness of the heart and the objective holiness of the structure, maintains the distance between body and head in the catholicity of the Church. And so in the empirical Church there are two critical organs: the office, which examines and criticizes the charisms to test their catholicity, and the sanctity that in the pure spirit of the Gospel, of Mary’s Yes, can and must criticize office.

We saw (in the first part) that there was an anthropological catholicity in the Church’s faith. The fundamental act of the New Testament—hoping, loving faith—retrieved in a unique synthesis all the basic religious attitudes possible to humanity: “binding oneself back” to the origin in self-surrender and the forward-driving quest for a promised future fulfillment. In the second part we saw a deeper, christological catholicity in the Church’s fife. In this context we also saw that the Marian-Petrine Church, by her pure readiness to receive and her pure representative service can genuinely become the fullness of him who fills all in all (Eph 1:23).

However, the two principles of the Church’s catholicity interpenetrate and complement each other. After all, the Marian “handmaid” lives a life of pure service and thus has the same fundamental gestalt as the Petrine office. In the same way, office is to be a pure pointer to the Lord, just like Mary’s whole existence. Both services are supernaturally fruitful. And Christ’s Cross-oriented life is the inner form of both, albeit only by the grace of the Resurrection. But one thing, at least, should be clear: Mariology and the doctrine of office are not side chapels of Catholic dogmatics; rather, they are central, integrating aspects of ecclesial catholicity.

Seen from the outside, the Church is a society of individual persons having the same or similar belief who submit themselves to certain sociological requirements and rules of the game. Seen from the inside, the Church is the communio sanctorum. This communion is based on the Eucharist, which makes the Church one body and one spirit, even as the Eucharist is based on the trinitarian communio and circumincessio of the Divine Persons in the one nature. This ultimate ground of the Church’s being enfolds—without jeopardizing or sublating the person—the pure juxtaposition of individuals characteristic of peoples or states. It thus enables instead an osmosis of destinies and activities, which become more catholic and universal the closer they are to the destiny of Christ. The whole body is thus ultimately drawn to follow the destiny of the head. And in this body there is nothing abstract, no “principles”, “structures”, “institutions”, that lead an ideal, destinyless existence outside of the persons in whom they are realized.

Mary is the principle of all Yes-saying, of all fruitful obedience as a person, and as such she is the Mother whose heart is pierced by a sword, who cries out in travail between heaven and earth. She really stands at the foot of the Cross—where she is joined to the Petrine Church through John.

Peter receives office after his bitter tears and is afterward (the bitterness remains) honored with crucifixion. He is allowed to suffer a reverse image of his master’s death. Precisely for this reason office attracts abuse like a magnet, so much so that it becomes a sewer for every man: “peripsema heos arti” (1 Cor 4:13). The hate, not only of the world, but also of the charismatics in the Church, pursues it; just as the slogan in Corinth was once “freedom from Paul” [Los von Paul], so always, and once again today, it is “freedom from Rome” [Los von Rom]. “The death of Jesus in our body”. And this absolutely in substitution: “So death is at work in us, but life in you” (2 Cor 4:10-12).

The principle of office is always incarnate in the officeholders: in them life inclines toward death and ruin, but without the gates of hell being able to overcome it. Paul’s ship founders, and yet all are brought safely to land on planks. It is good that office is spat upon today, that Judas is betraying it again in every possible way, and that many ostensibly faithful people flee the specter of the “establishment”. The more recognizably the head full of blood and wounds shines through the face of office, the more inwardly genuine official existence will be and the more credible it will again become for its time.

The Church can understand herself only in her Lord. There is no self-understanding of the Church. Mary understands herself in her child. Paul understands himself en Christo. However, today’s world seeks its self-understanding by giving itself its own meaning.’ The Church will never be able to do that. She will always let the Lord give her her own meaning and will penetrate it ever more deeply in a humble love that says Yes to service: “Respexit humilitatem ancillae suae” [he has regarded the lowliness of his handmaiden].

________

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger

I. “Mein Wort kehrt nicht erfolglos zu mir zurück!” Homily preached at the opening liturgy of the spring plenum of the German Bishops’ Conference in Stapelfeld, Germany, March 6, 1979. In Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger and Hans Urs von Balthasar, Maria: Kirche im Ursprung (Freiburg, Basel, and Vienna: Herder, 1980), 7-14. First publication of the pieces in this volume in the appendix to German Bishops’ Conference, ed., Maria, die Mutter des Herrn (Bonn); vol. 18 in the series Pastoral Letters of the German Bishops.

II. “Erwägungen zur Stellung von Mariologie und Marienfrömmigkeit”, ibid., 15-40.

III. “Die Zeichen der Frau: Versuch einer Hinführung zur Enzyklika ‘Redemptoris Mater’ von Papst Johannes Paul II”, in Maria: Gottes Ja zum Menschen (Freiburg, Basel, and Vienna: Herder, 1987), 105-28.

IV. “ ‘Du bist voll der Gnade’: Elemente biblischer Marienfrömmigkeit”, in Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger and Peter Henrici, ed. Credo: Bin theologisches Lesebuch (Cologne: Communio, 1992), 103-16.

V. “Et incarnatus est de Spiritu Sancto ex Maria Virgine. . .”, The text was written to open the Marian congress held on the seven-hundredth-year anniversary of the Holy House of Loreto, 1995.

Hans Urs von Balthasar

I. “Maria in der kirchlichen Lehre und Frömmigkeit”, in Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger and Hans Urs von Balthasar, Maria: Kirche im Ursprung (Freiburg, Basel, and Vienna: Herder, 1980), 64-79.

II. “Die marianische Prägung der Kirche”, in Wolfgang Beinert, ed., Maria heute ehren: Eine theologisch-pastorale Handreichung (Freiburg, Basel, Vienna: Herder, 1977), 263-79.

III. “Empfangen durch den heiligen Geist, geboren von der Jungfrau Maria”, in Wilhelm Sandfuchs, ed., Ichglaube: Vierzehn Betrachtungen zum Apostolischen Glaubensbekenntnis (Würzburg: Echter Verlag), 39-49. Also in Brückenbau im Glauben: Vierzehn Betrachtungen zum Apostolischen Glaubensbekenntnis (Leipzig: St. Benno Verlag, 1981), 44-45.

IV. “Das Katholische an der Kirche”. Lecture given on September 13, 1972, for the Vocations Week of the Archdiocese of Cologne and on the occasion of the thirtieth anniversary of the episcopacy of former Archbishop Josef Cardinal Frings and of the tenth anniversary of the episcopacy of Joseph Cardinal Höffner and Auxiliary Bishop Augustinus Frotz, edited by the Archdiocesan Press Office; Kölner Beitrage, 10. (Cologne: Wienend Verlag, 1972), 19 pages.

________

THE END

#mary the church at the source

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roguelike-theory-blog · 6 years

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Pure waste of bandwidth

A few Girard-inspired, mathematical-theological stories for my friends.

Voting for itself. Girard dismisses the Hilbert’s programme, comparing the attempt to prove mathematics using mathematics to “the parliament voting for itself”. It is a correct comparison, yet its value as a criticism is ambiguous. As a french logician, Girard might actually know that the French Republic – and arguably the modern politics – has actually been founded with the parliament voting for itself. In 1789, the new-founded National Assembly of France was concerned with the question, whether it actually does represent the general will? This question was resolved affirmatively by the notorious Abbé Sieyès, who took the structure of his argument from the catholic thinker Nicolas Malebranche.

Malebranche was concerned with proving prothestants wrong, as catholics usually are. The problem was, whether the Catholic Church, that is, its body of cardinals was the one, unique representation (in the yet religious sense, from which we will later found the legal concept of representation) of God on Earth – as opposed to the possibility of the multiple, partial, conflicting representations of his will favored by the protestants. His thought experiment was simple: “Say we gather all of the cardinals together and let them take a vote, whether they, together, do or do not represent the god’s will. The ones who say ‘no’ are obviously not real cardinals: you can’t be a cardinal if you don’t believe in the institution. So everyone who is a real cardial will say ‘yes’, thus determining by unanimous vote that the Catholic Church is indeed the one and unique representant of God”.

Now let us postpone the matter of the obvious begging-the-question; let us also not indulge for now in the beautiful ways with which Malebranche tries to fix it; let’s focus on how this argument is still at work in our very lives. Abbé Sieyès used this very same argument to prove that the Assembly is the real representative: if your particular will is against it, you’re just not of the Republic and your will doesn’t count. The whole seeming ridiculousness of the argument pales in comparison with its incredible effectiveness: the modern politics was born with all its representative-democratic weirdness. There’re likely philosophical ways to ground this idea onto something more fundamental, yet the notoriousness of such an ouroboric event is clear, and the break that happened here is on the level of a new self-supporting thought from which, however, the ‘real things’ are being created on a daily basis.

Can’t we say that Hilbert’s programme is the same type of event, just imposed kind of retrospectively onto the history of mathematics? The mathematics voting for itself, let the naysayers be damned into luddistic hell? In this case we can go on living with its theological form while embracing the fruitful mathematical content it gave us. And then our next move, the move of the ones who dares to respect and use mathematics without believing in it, should obviously be to look for the heretics and the heretical thoughts. We should not be content with those who just dismisses mathematics altogether (the boring, impotent atheists) – the real heretic is the one who is of the mathematical practice, but questions its belief structure. How do you call the hagiography but about heretics? Heretography?

Hysterizing the computer. Now one of those heretics is Brouwer, whose whole project was about questioning the givenness of the a priori. Insane idea, completely against Kant, of course, as it questions the very distinction between thinking and praxis. A priori as something completely given assumes some kind of a collapse of the process of thinking in time, with all of the theorems already there somewhere, indeed nothing more than Anselm’s ontological argument, but about mathematics. Brouwer scouted this a priori and found his own fixed point theorem, which states that there’s something that exists but can’t be found. Now that’s unsettling for Brouwer who is, by the way, of a Schopenhauer’s persuasion. To question the whole thing, Brouwer looks for the most extreme point of this a priori givenness, and it’s nothing else but the law of the excluded-middle: it’s only there if you can always do the anselmnian jump to the farthest conclusion. Brouwer slows down this seemingly instantaneous jump by denying it, inventing the intuitionistic logic, and actually somehow manages to get pretty far with it, reformulating even a part of topology in this new light. However this heresy was not approved by his holiness Hilbert, already too influential on the continent – isolated Brouwer loses his mind and dies, never seeing any hope of his work being useful.

A different development was up at the same, however, concerned a piece of metal to be called computer. There were a few of those machines already, and it was obvious that there’s going to be more. On the other hand, it didn’t actually take very long for people to notice how incredibly useful the intuitionistic logic was for this machine: much more than the ‘classical one’. The computer became the redeeming object of Brouwer’s logic – he never saw one, never even thought of one, yet turned out to provide the most important concept for its study. The depth of Brouwer’s premature contribution to Computer Science is beyond the wariness of tertium non datur: his work predicted the notorious problems with the floating-point numbers, and his topology turned out to be a weird tool to study computable functions, which is a cross-sub-disciplinary link of strange awesomeness for the easily excitable people like me.

So if we’re desperately looking for any escape from the horrible weight of the Kantian-Hilbertian mathematical theology, shouldn’t we look into the computer? One of the weird things about the computers is how easily we all were persuaded, not so long ago, that everything in the computer is “virtual” (not in the sense in which philosophers use the epithet, but in the sense the marketers use it), that is, not exactly material… Which is nonsense, a structure of disavowal, which has to be thoroughly contradicted on all the levels, starting on the level of primitive processor instructions which, according to the simplest laws of thermodynamics, can’t perform any destructive operation – can’t forget any value of any variable – without wasting some energy, emanating some heat. This kind of thought is as material as it can be.

Right here, right now, I can show you how the materiality of computer affects our everyday life in a very noticeable, annoying fashion. Let us recall that to study the whole population of computers a special concept was invented, ‘the Turing machine’. It was a strange abstraction, seeking to provide an ideal type for those machines, a link between their real bodies and the computable functions which are performed by them. It is used in science, yes, but it is also used too much in the arguments between the adolescent programmers, if you ever dared to talk to them – “C and Lisp are the same thing because of the Turing machine”... But let’s leave them be. Where’s the Turing machine’s fault?

Turing machine is imagined to have an infinite time and an infinite memory space. That’s what we can sometimes believe about our computers. When our computers run out of time – that is, we subjectively feel that they are slow – we’re annoyed and happy to fix it. The existence of the computer as a time-consuming device is obvious and we’re perfectly equipped to notice it; every second it’s slowing down we’re feeling it, I think, already at the level of our bodies; yet there’s no realistic limit to how long a computer can run. What is harder to notice, yet much more objective, is the limit of its memory: the computer runs just happily, using as much memory as it can, until there’s no more memory at all. Then strange things begin to happen.

What does exactly happen when the computer is out of memory? Of course, it can just kill the hungry program: it’s not part of the algorithm’s mathematical abstraction, but at least predictable. Usually, however, stranger things happen. One of the ways the computer pretends to have more memory than it actually does is by “swapping”: using the HDD instead of the RAM to store whatever is to be stored in memory. HDD is 10k times slower than RAM: when it’s used for memory too much, nothing crashes, but everything is suddenly very slow. We hear strange noises. The computer starts misbehaving. Random things crash because of the timing issues brought by the lack of speed.

Now we can allow ourselves to see this “lack of memory” in the aristotelian-lacanian light, as something that is material by being actively opposed to the (mathematical) form, not-reducible to it (if only to escape the attempt to inscribe the whole OS, other programs and the hardware into one big ad hoc mathematical structure making any mathematical study of the algorithms pretty much useless). I say “lacanian”, faithfully to Lacan (his Real was Aristotle’s matter), because this is indeed the very point where the subjectivity of computer in the lacanian sense is obvious: it lacks memory (desire) – it acts out (hysteria). If we consider how hackers use a similar problem, the buffer overflow, to do whatever they want to the computer, the analogy becomes rich enough.

The materiality of the neural network. In 1892, one W. E. Johnson described “symbolic calculus” as “an instrument for economizing the exertion of intelligence” (btw, Johnson is described by Wikipedia as “a famous procrastinator”). Far from enabling new types of intelligence by itself, the thing was to save on the wasted expenditure of the old ones. With this I want to introduce another dimension of the materiality of the computer: the one which I’ll describe from a paranoid-marxist perspective, following the Adorno’s belief in the truth of the exaggerations.

Neural network is an amazing shiny new thing, it economizes our exertion of intelligence all right, yet the weirdest part of it all is that we kinda have no idea how it works. We can describe the output (in our terms which we impose on it), and we can describe the inner structure (it’s all matrix multiplication), but there’s no translation between the output and the inner structure except for the one that is by running the neural network themselves. The neural network’s thinking, in general, lacks the conceptual content we’re so much used to, it doesn’t exactly distinguish the parts of bodies and stuff like that. It operates on a belated, not-yet-conceptual level. We can actually through pain identify some general things that it actually notices on the images and stuff like that, but only partially and constantly recognising that it’s we who’s pulling the vague ideas of the NN to this conceptual level.

To illustrate how the NN works there’s no better example than the notorious network which draws cats upon sketches of cats: http://affinelayer.com/pixsrv/index.html . Try it out, you can do it online. Now, what are the concepts with which the neural network thinks about cats? It’s… well, it knows an eye, but that’s more-or-less it. Everything else is more like a texture of a cat, in a very weird sense of a texture, the one available to us after we discovered the 3D rendering.

So there’s knowledge of things in the NN, yet it’s either not on the human level, or it’s somehow hidden. To explain this, Schopenhauer comes to mind: “an entirely pure and objective picture of things is not reached in the normal mind, because its power of perception at once becomes tired and inactive, as soon as this is not spurred on and set in motion by the will. For it has not enough energy to apprehend the world purely objectively from its own elasticity and without a purpose”. That is to say: NN understands cats exactly as much as it needs to (with the need imposed by its operators, most of the time the Capital), and no more.

Now the paranoid-marxist intervention: what is this lack of knowledge? Who has it? Is it not the proletariat? If we have a training set of thousands of pictures, on which a neural network is trained to recognize dozes of features, those features had to be tagged beforehand by some pure workers (most likely from India, am i right?), who themselves were likely constructed through a cheap-labor marketplace such as Amazon’s Mechanical Turk (the name familiar from Walter Benjamin), pretending to be machines to create a neural network which pretends to do the human work. Can’t we say, exaggerating, that the neural network is a labyrinth of numbers in which anyone looking for the human [labor] is to lose his track?

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