#its the shittiest feeling

[fallenandproud]

i suppose this fits here but i just needed to get shit off my chest.

the idea of growing up terrifies me now. im 18 finally and ive graduated high school and i have a job and its not what i thought it would be. i dont remember the details, but i woke up thrashing and panicking this morning over. some dream that had something to do with growing up. i spent my whole goddamn life trying to get to this point as fast as i could, because it was the only way i could see to break out of my parents rules and restrictions and finally be free and be myself without fear.

and. now i made it. im here, i did it, and. id give anything to go back. i wasted so much time, so much energy, being afraid and letting that fear control me and focusing only on this one nebulous far off goal that i wasted my life. i missed every opportunity that might have been there had i decided to just stick up for myself instead. i already had a fucked up high school experience and i made it worse for myself out of fear.

im never getting those years back.

ive already lost so much to the way i was raised in the mormon church and now this, by proxy but still at my own hand, and its. i dont know. it makes me sick. i only ever wanted to be normal and this is what i fucking got and theres nothing i can do about it. my whole life was stolen from me because of this church, be it directly or indirectly and theres nothing i can do about it.

[silkysong]

i feel like the heat is gonna fucking kill me

[kirnet]

borderlands - charcoal, gesso, and ink on handmade paper dried on a found peanut bag and wooden frame

turned my cringe failed papermaking screen into an art piece

[onewingedangels]

deleted bg3 for good

[stormyrainyday]

man am i having a day

[oinonsana]

found out that Werewolf 5 is out and it looks rlly prtty and i want to run it eventually but the blurb is giving me pacified twitter advertisement... that is NOT what werewolf is about!!

werewolf is about how Gaia is fucking dead.

The icebergs are sliding into the sea. Coastal cities are ravaged by the strongest fucking typhoons and hurricanes humanity has ever experienced.

The forests are on fucking fire while your corpse of a politician is wondering how else they can justify sending soldiers to the Global South to cut down trees and steal oil.

What does this fucking look like to you, huh? The Apocalypse is here? The Apocalypse has BEEN here. The Wyrm is fucking feeding on the corpse of the Divine Mother.

And what are you doing about it? All sad, languishing in your fucking desks. 

Don’t you hear it? Your heartbeat? The only thing left of Gaia is wrath. Your heartbeat is her heartbeat now. Your heartbeat is her ANGER. Her MADNESS. Her FRENZY.

YOU GAROU, WARRIOR SHAPESHIFTERS, SO-CALLED CHAMPIONS OF THE EARTH! Choose: a fucking desk job, or your closest friend ripped apart by techgnomachinery? A normal family life or a huge fucking caern where your lover will mourn you potentially the next day? A little piddly gun or a huge fucking klave?

CHOOSE ANGER. CHOOSE FRENZY. CHOOSE DELIRIUM. LEAP AND FUCKING KISS THE MOON. DIE IN A HEAP OF SILVER BULLETS AND BLADES. TEAR DOWN THE GATES, SHATTER THE SKYSCRAPERS, BURN DOWN ESTABLISHMENTS, RIP APART WALL STREET, CHOOSE THE WORST FUCKING MARIJUANA, CHOOSE A SHITTY 10 YEAR OLD TSHIRT AND SOME DUSTY ASS COMBAT BOOTS

You’ll die either way. So,

will you choose to take this shit on your knees, or will you CHOOSE TO RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE

[skull-ishcloud]

I find it just hilarious how my mother will go all like "how can parents of disabled people not care to understand other disabled people". While she has a child with ADHD who she payed to get formally diagnosed (by that I mean she knows), and never ever bothered to search the symptoms.

[prettyflyshyguy]

I usually never share or show art at this stage of the process but open if you want to be jumpscared by one decent time sunk WIP, and 3 that were literally 30 second sketches

[hollowisthyname]

ok ok this is probably dumb but i gotta get it out there because i have lots of thoughts and if i don't say them my brain will bother me about it forever so :

earlier today i saw a post about how much darker ride the cyclone could've been- the kids still having their injuries from the fall , having to do the songs and choreography because karnak makes them but having it hurt them and eventually they all just collapse from pain and exaustion- and while that's an amazing concept for a much sadder version and i can tell it would be absolutely DEVASTATING to see performed it also got me thinking about how different that would be from the actual show and the reason they're all there in the first place .

karnak brought them there because , in his own words , he wanted to let them express not who they were perceived to be , but who they dreamt they were . this was his gift to them- "a eulogy" , he says , to these kids unfairly torn from the world before they got a chance to fulfill those dreams . and as he assures ocean after her "catchphrase" , their will is still entirely their own . they choose the songs they sing , not one of them is forced to . he was ready and willing to let ocean concede without singing at all (although i suppose that could've been because he knew she would never go through with it at that point) , and apart from her initial catchphrase , none of the kids object to having some of their moves choreographed . as another post points out , he even lets them do some of their own , unchoreographed , dancing during sugar cube . and all in all , they're happy to have had the chance !! they all get to know each other so much better over the course of the show , and ricky even gets his abilities to walk and speak back so he can better communicate to the others what he wants to say . and of course , penny gets her memory back and is able to live out the rest of her life . it's amazing that even one of them was able to come back like that , and everything that lead to that point helps them all realize things about each other , and life , and death , that they otherwise would never have known .

....i got kinda off topic there . i guess my point is , the "competition" for reincarnation was a gift to the kids , not a curse . it was a way to let them say the things they had always wanted to , and learn lessons they never had the chance to learn in life . to change it to something they were being forced to do , something that was hurting them- that would change the point of the entire show .

ride the cyclone can seem very dark at first- and it is , of course , that is a part of it . but at its core , it's a very optimistic show , and i think that's a big part of what defines it . and karnak , while he can be very sarcastic and mess with the kids (especially ocean , though to be fair she usually deserves it) , is ultimately just .... a lonely guy who knows more than is good for him . and instead of using his power over life and death to manipulate and control the kids for his own entertainment , he gives one of them the chance at life and all of them the chance to express themselves the way they wanted to be seen .

it's optimistic because it says that even though these kids died in a tragic accident , they still have another chance to learn and grow . that's what makes this show what it is , and i love it so damn much . it's hopeful , it what it is , and it's really impressive how they managed to make a story about kids who died in an accident have so much hope ingrained into it . it's contradictory in the most beautiful way , and i wouldn't change it for anything .

[a-dash-in-the-middle]

Never going clubbing with the ppl who are friends and i just met them cuz how is this the loneliest???

[iqmmir]

i dont think i want to go to the farewell anymore

[closecore]

[steelhazes]

my hc is that the squishier dark knights get the more lore-accurate they become

[whoisnotmyname]

I'm glad y'all like Drysten!! I made him specifically bc of who I'm planning on trying out DAV with, which is a little wordy and I haven't really shared here so imma do that lol (under the cut this might get Long)

SO I made my Hawke triplets a year or two ago, but kinda dropped them once I realized their story as a whole kinda fell apart after inquisition. BUT you can play a warden in dav so it's gonna work out and also how Fucked it would be™️ if Kestrel was the Champion, Harris was Inquisitor, and Cooper ended up being Rook.

Kestrel, a mage, is the oldest out of the 3, and took more of the Champion role in da2, so she was obviously THE champion. Cooper went with Carver to join the wardens bc they Could Not just dump baby brother alone (especially if the joining didn't work. How awful would that be to send your blighted little brother to die alone. Coop and Carver are the two warriors and definitely had a closer relationship bc of that. He was not going to just leave Carver. ) with the wardens.

Harris ended up picking up the mantle wrt the inquisition to give his sister space (also her being a mage and the possibility of an exaulted march or whatever tf they thought the chantry was gonna do to kirkwall after da2 was not... lookin great for Kestrel). He's way more suited for diplomatic events than the other two, so going to the conclave made the most sense!

So that leaves Cooper without a big boy thedas-shattering tittle. And all I really know (until we learn more about Weisshaupt anyway) about his whereabouts is that he's been afk for the most part with the wardens doing Warden Things™️. It'll be fun to play around with The Other Other Hawke sibling lol. Especially since Cooper never got to really have as solid of a friendship with Varric the ways that Kestrel and Harris have. Big fan of whatever that leads to in dav tbh!

I literally made Drysten to make sure that no no, thedas has truly fucked up one very specific family line.

Amel georg, who lives in ferelden, and has to constantly deal with insane amounts of horseshit, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

[calangkoh]

ill say it again im a firm believer that ed’s (all versions of him) default state is relaxed, happy, and friendly (as opposed to grumpy, off-putting, jerky, etc). we just see him at his worst/reacting to worst case scenarios. but even 03 ed, who is Depressed Supreme, in his day to day life where we don’t see him as viewers, i firmly believe embodies that kid with a gigantic grin we see in so much official art and occasionally onscreen. and its not just a smile through the pain kind of grin. for a kid who suffers so much, i think it’s nice to headcanon him as a generally happy and optimistic person. he just gets in his moods sometimes that are the result of trauma and being a rebellious snot nosed teenager that give him Bad Mental Health Days. And of course, his hair trigger temper. But default state=happy and energetic and nice to people and quick to bounce back from bad things that happen to him because that’s just life and he likes living it

[winterrose42]

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror going on midnight with hair everywhere looking up how to apply a color and tentatively diy piercings and go oh. Is this the pattern.