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skeetlehand · 4 years

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ghost!tommy au masterpost #2

ghost tommy au masterpost part one

I made another one. w hhh

au summary: tommy loses his final canon life during the explosion right after the pogtopia vs. manberg war

Nobody really knew where he’d gone either - Tommy had allegedly gone “missing” after the festival. In L’manberg, everyone figured that while it was odd, since tommy would usually be running down the Prime path shouting, or just being generally loud and annoying... he was just... missing. Nobody had seen him all week, but everyone had thought they were the singular individual who hadn’t seen him lately. Eventually when one of them asked where he’d been, everyone came to the consensus that they weren’t the only ones who hadn’t seen him. At first, they thought he was just grieving, since he spent the most time with wilbur. But then ghostbur shows up, which, while was a pretty sad/happy moment, it raised some sort of unease....

.... and then, ghost tommy shows up.

I put more details under the cut!!! enjoy pain yall

feel free to send asks about... well, anything! if you found something interesting here, share it! if you’ve got a completely unrelated idea, share it! i like to read your asks. I promise i’ll answer... eventually... (the five asks in my inbox @ me: 👀)

courtesy of @gheysnakelady and their great ideas 👀❤️(you have so many good ones!!!)

current table of contents:

ghost tommy’s appearance

relationships with the rest of the sbi

ghost tommy’s memories

other ghost tommy stuff (misc i guess)

a) presence

b) connections

c) blue/yellow

d) body found

”””pranks”””

dreamon hunters...? (become basically bootleg ghostbusters. but just only one of them.)

TBC: to be touched upon in the next masterpost/page set

relationships with the rest of the smp

a) SAM SAM SAM BIG BROTHER SAM AAA; b) the cabinet + lmanberg... hhh tubbo n big q,,, fundy and niki,,, dream,, the badlands... i need ideAS

reactions to the reveal (at some point... big oof)

.... a revival? phil no -

1. Ghost!Tommy’s Appearance

(should... should I be calling him ghostinnit now? yall use that term a whole lot...)

before he meets anyone (excluding ghostbur and maybe philza. some others might’ve seen him lingering around certain places, faintly), he looked simultaneously exactly as he did before he died, overlaid by his prior deaths (an sword/axe(?) to the back when trying to escape dream during eret’s betrayal, an arrow wound that goes in deep, and currently, visible blast marks and the wither effect). He hadn’t figured out what he looked like yet, other than the noticeable vision problems, but when he did, he did his best to change his form (it’s my current theory that ghosts look like what they want to look like - ie. ghostbur’s nice yellow sweater being a choice on his end). It’s an effort, to look “okay”, and when he goes off the rails, there are hints to what he looks like.

it’s mostly because... Tommy remembers his death vicariously. All of them. This is not a good thing.

when he does meet people, his form is slightly transparent, but he looks almost normal. there’s that new hairstyle, which really isn’t a stylistic choice on my end ;’] ... there is a lot of sooty(?) grey patches on his sleeves, and a large black mark smack dab in the middle his shirt. The wither markings on his hands aren’t clear, but that they are there is visible. He hates the wither effects the most - no matter what he does, how hard he concentrates, they. don’t. go. away.

He’s got hair over his eye, like wilbur. Gets uncomfortable when it’s joked about, because that’s a part of his face that’s.... yknow.... and he can’t hide it otherwise

Since ghost!tommy is more emotionally gripped than ghostbur is, unable to let go of the past and all the memories + emotions from it (while ghostbur lets go of it Very Easily), his form shifts a lot. Not only to his “death form” (all of his canon deaths on one ‘current’ form), but to that of the different arcs - dirty long sleeves for pogtopia (it’s cold in the ravines, and he don’t got a coat), ripped revolutionary outfit (eret’s betrayal and the arrow both happened here)... and during his more mellower moments, a green bandana that goes around the neck. He’s constantly changing in clarity, too. It’s hard to focus on him at times.

2. Relationships with the SBI found family gang: pain

did you really think we could have nice things in this au? if so... ouch

Phil

tommy did see him sort of as a dad/some sort of older figure to come to for help. but phil has a history of not exactly being a Dad. sure, he basically adopted techno, and wilbur definitely saw him as a dad, but for tommy, it’s an unspoken relationship that they should be like that, that phil should have his back, that tommy can ask phil for help. yet, they don’t. Phil showed up way too late in the game to make an effort on all of the impacts the wars and pogtopia and wilbur have created, and maybe tommy resents him a little, for leaving him and his brothers alone on the server. maybe tommy saw wilbur die by philza’s hands, moments before he did the same point is, tommy was never a “difficult child” persay, he made all of his complaints loud and clear. philza didn’t expect to do any “underneath the underneath” with him... and didn’t feel like tommy needed the attention all that much, since he could basically occupy himself.

Think of it like this, at least in my au, that phil was never meant to be a dad. He just chose to be some sort of strong figure in the boys’ lives (found family!!!!) - but he was a survivor first and foremost, and sometimes it shows. His habits rubbed off on his boys, and that shows too - him avoiding talking about Big Things with ghost tommy is reminiscent of how ghostbur dances around questions, and being pressured into doing things is reminiscent of techno.

Tommy, on the other hand, felt as if phil always favored techno, and if not techno, then wilbur, over him. it’s okay though! he doesn’t need phil, he’s a Big Man™! Look at him... dealing with... a war... exile... funky brother problems... more war... okay maybe if phil showed up sooner things would’ve been better but he didn’t so tommy had to be the bigger man! that’s... that’s okay...? hmm. okay maybe he’s mad at phil a little bit,,,,

techno

ahh, complicated relationships *rubs hands*.

tommy was proud of his brother, at first, the way only little brothers can be, bragging about their cooler bigger bro - that, and tommy lowkey thought there’d be someone to help him with wilbur’s decline. haha NOPE. techno don’t do emotional. thanks,,,,,

on the other hand, all ghost tommy can remember is techno being the unspoken favorite, the favorite child, the favorite brother, teasing and feelings of inadequacy (techno wasn’t a bad brother, though... just... better). And then…he remembers techno showing up well into wilbur’s long decline, techno’s silence when he could’ve used someone to speak up for him, techno’s passiveness towards the paranoia, techno’s stoicism when all tommy wanted was someone to be strong, someone else to be the better man. instead, the job was left to him. why was it always left to him? he wasn’t supposed to do all of this, right?

Techno doesn’t feel all too bad about it, before tommy’s death is discovered. He thinks that the impact of the statement was made through humiliation and violence enough (tommy being pinned down, the hero speech, the ruined victory, etc). What did tommy expect, using the Blade like that? honestly, techno’s a little offended, that tommy thought he could use his brother that easily, like some weapon made of more skill than any of them know what to do with. Techno had made his opinions very clear on government, and then they go on to appoint another one? (even though, it was sort of clear that the goal was to “go back” to the old lmanberg, government and all) so tommy kinda had it coming. besides, he’d respawn and they’d go back to normal.

but then wilbur dies, permanently, and techno has to watch his brother come undone into something else barely reminiscent of what he was momnents ago... ghostbur barely even resembles the wilbur techno used to remember. death matters, on this server, which is two blows in themselves that techno will have to deal with. and then... tommy doesn’t respawn.

techno was sure he’d seen tommy around lmanberg. albeit, like, kinda quiet, but maybe the kid was going through rough times since wilbur died. it wasn’t like techno was going to talk to him about it or anything, since his presence probably wouldn’t be welcomed anyway. tommy was kind of immature, in that regard - he’d be really annoying and yell, like he always did when something didn’t go his way. that, and he wasn’t exactly welcome in lmanberg anymore...

besides, if tommy had a problem, he’d make it clear himself, right?

wilbur/ghostbur

There’s a lot tommy isn’t willing to talk, about wilbur. What could he even say? more than half of the things he did, challenges he stepped up to, were to make Wilbur proud (as he remembered him). He hated losing, because he liked winning more, sure, but also because he wanted to make wilbur proud of him. See: the bow duel, giving up his disc for freedom.

but pogtopia wilbur, well... things only got worse. sometimes, things looked a little better, but over time, tommy learned to expect what came after. even with techno there, tommy was always left to be the “bigger man” - in the aftermath of the festival, the pit, the final pet war - no matter how much he lost, it was always him having to move forward from that point. nobody really helped. it was just tommy and wilbur, and the sound of silence in the ravine.

tommy saw the final explosion of lmanberg as both the ultimate betrayal (the worst thing wilbur could’ve done, couldn’t he have waited, phil was here, surely phil couldve done what tommy spent months trying to do, what techno wouldn’t do, why couldn’t wilbur have this?) but at the same time, he... figured wilbur would pull sometime like this. at this point, the victory might’ve lightened his spirits a whole lot, but he spent months with wilbur alone and in the course of the preparatory week, wilbur didn’t miraculously get better. tommy wishes he did, and he can wish all he wants, but deep down, he knows that he didn’t. the others might’ve not noticed, since they weren’t there for that long.

as for ghostbur, it’s... awkward.

With ghostbur, he’s stuck between wanting to reach out to his big brother and stay away due to alivebur’s memory living in constant loop in his head. Sad as it is to say, he was sort of… relieved, when ghostbur revealed the extent of his memory loss. after that point.. if ghostbur remembers all the happy bits of their time on the server, surely he could help fill in the gaps?

Ghostbur was kind of the first person he saw when he resurfaced, and ghostbur then couldn’t really understand the gravity of the situation, nor who tommy was because of how he acted and looked before. tommy didn’t approach him either, mostly out of fear and anticipation. (he couldn’t imagine this of all things, being stuck with wilbur for all of his undying days, hadn’t he had enough?)

At first, it’s awkward. He doesn’t know what to say, or when to say things, and he’s a lot quieter than in life, so it’s noticeable. He meets Ghostbur, who greets him with joy, until he realizes that Tommy is dead. Memories of the manberg v pogtopia war arise, and he flees. He does not come back, because looking at Tommy hurts. tommy doesn’t get it, really... but.....

and every moment after that, the way ghostbur looks at him, with the guilt in his eyes, the way that he looks away, unable to bear looking anymore… well, tommy is starting to think ghostbur remembers a lot more than what he’s willing to let on (he’s afraid he is). If wilbur doesn’t like him, that’s not… that’s nothing new, anyway. it’s probably one of the few things that didn’t change.

3. Ghost Tommy’s Memories

Going by the HC that they’re caused by how you feel when you die. ie. Wilbur dies happy because he is relieved by Phil stabbing him. That he can rest, while Tommy gets the opposite. Wanting to live but having it so cruelly taken by a loved one that you trusted, only feeling pain and betrayal and the feelings when they had while dying is the reason why they only hold certain memories.

Basically: like Wilbur, only remembers memories associated with a type of feeling. However, unlike Wilbur, Tommy only remembers the bad things.

Ghostbur suggested to phil, who in turn, suggested to tommy that he recorded his memories in a book, like he did! thus, tommy’s “What I remember” book: which is full of stuff he just wants to remember

Dream Good Times (this is just a lie, haha... but refers to the time (read: blank space) before the first disk war)

jokes! (when you make fun of someone, even in good jest, it’s possible they won’t take it that way themselves.)

My home (because it’s been griefed and destroyed so many times at this point)

The disks (not what they sound like though, just that they were apparently important, that he fought for them. he can’t remember what they sound like)

My pets (pet wars. can’t remember whose pet was whose. he remembers mars, though. he talked to mars a lot, on days that pogtopia was quiet... empty...)

the duel

Winning the war (trading the disks for freedom)

L’manberg (manberg)

… Tubbo (? ...dying at the festival.)

Techno & Wilbur (and phil, and what they did to him, and what they didn’t do.)

pogtopia hanging out with friends (there was nothing good about pogtopia, so he crossed it off and wrote the most blandest happy thing he could replace it with. he wishes pogtopia was just that)

the pit

winning the war (the victory, the explosion his death. if you ask why he wrote it twice, he just.. hesitates. “we won, right?” you might nod along, assuming his memory was just being faulty, that all he could remember were the two victories, that like wilbur, nothing beyond the election/exile registered... but you could also note that neither of those “victories” really felt like winning, in the end. consider the cost...)

i have a secret second list for his “actual memories”. i call it “the list of grievances”. i am so clever haha

4. other ghost tommy stuff

since ghostbur had to go and add some stuff to ghost Lore™, i guess ghost tommy now melts in the rain and snow. not that he really... cares...

other things! these are ideas, idk...

1. presence

maybe whenever he gets near someone, the temperature drops and people feel overwhelmingly negative emotions (ie. sadness, pain, anger, guilt, etc). the intensity of the sadness effect depends on the person or if the person is near - the more that person had done, the more they felt.

Wilbur just feels like melancholy. nobody really notices, since it’s .... well.

2. connections to things?

maybe he’ll be found at certain locations, like his house/jukebox, the election podium, pogtopia, etc, etc... just, ghosting...

4. maybe he’s not actually dead

3. have some blue .... or yellow

either:

a) ghostbur gives tommy some blue to hand out, trying to be nicer to him anyway, like “give people this, it makes people happier if you give them something to drain the sadness”!! but when tommy tries to hand it out, it’s already fully blue. If asked if it was supposed to be transparent, or why it’s already blue, or etc, he responds with “no it's always been blue for me!” because when he’s given it, it turns blue instantly. maybe he seems little sad it doesn’t work on him, but it must be because he’s a ghost, right?

b) maybe he makes yellow that gives people happiness (it turns transparent as it’s used), but when he holds it it stays yellow.... because really all it does is draw up previous feelings of contentment, but... can't feel happy if you've never felt it before :’]

4. his body discovery

his body can be found where it was last... left. since he didn’t respawn.

They find him while cleaning up the rest of the rubble. and it's evident how he died, because there are wither marks, explosion burns, and... a final injury that must’ve been the killing blow, since there’s no way he would’ve survived that. it's evident he suffered, but not from the killing blow. his face has that... expression. he looks as miserable as his ghost does, at times (contrary to wilbur's exact opposite). maybe techno is there. they're not sure if tommy just got caught in the crossfire. they think he did, because he was buried under all of this. who would have ... intentionally done this to him...? while he was trapped?

maybe techno approaches to see what everyone looks so wicked out by. and he sees his brother or more like, what was left of his brother. oof.

5. Pranks: completely out of chronological order i guess... BUT I WANTED TO INCLUDE IT AAA

tommy isn’t... peaceful. he’s not at peace. he’s surrounded by the people who he can remember taunting him, hurting him, betraying him, all he can remember feeling is anger, grief and resentment - how long do you think he’ll play nice for? even though he wants things to go back to normal, either he feels like he’s much too dead for anything to ever be the same, and/or everyone ... moved on pretty quick, huh.

tommy begins to prank the server, like he used to. but there’s a pattern to it, and it quickly devolves from seemingly light-hearted to borderline malicious and definitely inconveniencing/annoying.

ghost tommy filling dream's current base/go-to-residency (since this man canonically homeless) with clay... and then, later, other blocks, like tnt, obsidian...

he sets up multiple jukeboxes when dream goes to sleep and have them all play cat/melohi at different intervals at once, kind of like. "you wanted this so bad, now eat it”.

misplace sapnap's current pets (if he has any). fill sapnap's house with horses, cows all named "h" names, and eventually turn it into an elaborate aquarium filled with tropical fish.

George’s house gets scrambled: like the blocks all get swapped and stuff, or replaced with lime wool/clay. maybe fill his house with alarm clocks or something? idk

He's hesitant about techno... so one of his earlier steps is: collaborate with sam with the horse maze (who sees it as a bonding activity! fun for the whole family!), but in the books, on the last page of all the books, he writes notes like "you know what you did" and stuff idk, i gotta come up with 8 of those. at the end, skeppy brings back the books and the hornse and techno's like haha i didn't write those books! and skeppy says, that makes sense! why would your write this... (he assumes the first few are threats, but then they reference techno in diff ways, so he gets confused), and then techno's like: wait what

maybe he probably releases all the horses n cows and other things techno’s got. or relocates them (cause he still cares about animals, he doesn't want to hurt them... he's not sapnap after all)

at first it's funny, normal. then it's annoying. and then it becomes worrying. it elevates in destructive tendencies, and also escalates in amount so people start going "tommy this is so annoying"-> exactly the reaction he wants, so he continues -> "this isn't funny anymore, tommy!" well, it never was supposed to be :)

....and they realize suddenly that none of it was meant to be a "prank" or a joke, tommy genuinely was trying to make their lives as hard as they did him.

ALSO EDIT: i bring you: dreamon hunters! part two! tubbo n fundy fight over what to do with ghost tommy, as tubbo doesn't think there's anything wrong with tommy (it’s his best friend, of course nothing’s wrong!), while fundy thinks he's a malicious poltergeist (with all the pranks.... that’s... that’s not tommy. tommy isn’t that spiteful... is he? )

#dream smp #dream smp au #ghost!tommy au #ghost!tommy au masterpost #2/?#warning: this is a LOOOOONG post #h #tw death #tw death mention

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darkherolovercroissant · 4 years

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Never thought

Pairing: Bucky x 40’s reader

Warnings:Fluff and angst

Summary:Bucky goes back in time on a mission with Sam to fix a mistake and ends up running into the woman he loved before Hydra found him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So let me get this straight, Strange fucked this up, but you’re asking us to fix it?” Sam asked heavily confused

“Well Bucky comes from that time period and you two have been joined at the hip since Steve left,so yeah! You’ll be fixing it.” Doctor Strange said

“Typical. Cleaning up after everyone once again” Sam growled, but Bucky had been quiet the whole time.

Something happened two weeks ago, a memory had resurfaced and Bucky was in complete heartbreak when it had happened. He remembered a young woman back home in Brooklyn, New York. She was gorgeous and Bucky had left her behind with the intention on marrying her when he got back. However, Bucky never came back.

Bucky couldn’t help but think about what would of happened if Steve reached out farther earlier on or what would of happened if he wasn’t standing so close to the edge of the train car. Maybe he would’ve returned with Steve and watched him marry Peggy. Bucky couldve had a life and married his little lady with eyes that sparkled like the Diamond he had been thinking of giving her.

They joined Scott on the standing pad with Strange aswell. Apparently they were going just a bit past the fourties, they were heading to the fifties to fix a glitch that Strange had caused. They safely transferred between now and then and came out looking at the old school look of New York.

“Man! You grew up here?” Sam asked

“I miss it so much.” Bucky mumbled

The duo had just came across to the pinpointed location when a familiar head of hair caught his eye. She was just as gorgeous as he remembered, how he wished to stay here with her.

“Whos the girl?” Sam asked with pure concern

“The woman I wanted to marry. Y/n” he whispered

“I’m sorry man.” Sam said sadly as he watched his friend with pure empathy. It wasn’t easy having everything took from you and Sam tried his hardest to see him through.

Only now watching his friend pine over a girl he always wanted was breaking his heart.

“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Sam asked

Bucky shook his head as he looked down.

“She won’t ever remember me.” Bucky sighed

“Hey man, this is probably going to be the only time you’ll be able to do this. As soon as this mission is done, they’re bringing us back so go talk to her. You owe her that much.” Sam says

Bucky just looks up in time to see you look at the two with pure confusion until you see those familiar crystal blue eyes and the next thing the two know, you’re running towards them.

“Bucky?” You ask as you are two feet in front of him.

“Hey, doll.” He smiled

Sam gently backs up giving you two some space, sitting on the curb and watching as his friend is reunited with his long lost love.

“Is that really you? You look a lot older than you left.” She giggled

“It’s me, doll. However you wouldn’t believe me if I told you what I had been through.” He smiled

“Oh you must think I’m such a cold lady. My name is y/n” she said as she stuck a hand out towards Sam.

“Nice to meet you, Y/n. My name is Sam.”

“I never thought I’d see you again.” Y/n says to Bucky making his heart flutter.

“I’m here now, doll.” He smiled

“Do you still intend to keep your promise?” She asked without a clear idea on why the two were there in the first place.

Sam saw Bucky stiffen and he took it as a time to step in.

“Now as much as I’d love to see Bucky here get married,I’m afraid he won’t be able to.” Sam sighed

Bucky’s heart broke as he watched y/n become saddened and less cheerful.

“Oh. I understand.” She fake smiled

Bucky felt his heart shatter as she refused to look at them.

“Well I’m terribly busy, so I’ll just let you two get back to work then. Good evening, gentlemen.” And just like that, y/n was gone and Bucky released a broken sigh. His voice wavered and he began to shake. His eyes were now red and his cheeks were now wet.

“Please comeback” he whispered at your retreating form.

Sam felt horrible seeing his broken friend. He didn’t think she’d be that upset and that quick. However when Bucky continued on with their tasks, Sam could see the odd tear fall down onto his hand. As soon as they pulled away, Sam saw the pure heartbreak on his face.

“Look man, I don’t know how to say this, but maybe you should go find her. I’ll finish this and I’ll send the signal after and we can go home.” Bucky took a deep breath and started down the streets towards your apartment and came up the stairs to where you lived.

When you opened the door, you saw the broken man you loved. The poor man has been through so much and all he wanted was you, but he knew he couldn’t have you.

“Bucky?”

“Can we talk?” He asked quietly

You nod and allow him entry and he immediately spills everything.

“Look. I went off to war, I was taken prisoner by Hydra and experimented on and was saved by Steve. We then took out any Hydra members we could find and when we received word that a certain someone was on a train, we looked to capture him. Only I ended up falling off towards what I thought was my death. However with whatever Hydra had put in me, I survived. The next thing I know is that I was taken hostage again and gave a new arm to replace my left one from the fall off the train. I then spent over 70 years with Hydra, or at least that’s what they keep telling me. I did a lot of bad things, y/n and I’m not proud of it. Then I became an avenger and I stood up to a monster called Thanos who took over planets and wiped out half the population and I ended up dying and then coming back five years later, but it only felt like five minutes for me. I’m one hundred and seven now, doll. I missed out on everything I ever wanted. Including you. We came back in time to fix something that had happened and now I’m heading back home.” Bucky says

“I honestly can’t understand a thing you just said.” Y/n felt insulted. It was like the world was playing twisted tricks on her.

“Remember how I said I lost my arm?” He removed his jacket and glove and a shiny black and gold metal arm stood in place for where his arm should’ve been.

You fall into a chair as everything became clear. This was really Bucky and what he had said was true.

“Believe me doll. I don’t wish to be anywhere but at a church marrying you, but I can’t stay” Bucky says

“I understand.” You whisper

“I’m sorry.” He sniffled

“Don’t worry about it, Bucky. Just go back to Sam and worry about your future.” You say as you get up and head to the bedroom.

Bucky frowns as turns to head back. His eyes catch a glimpse of a picture sitting in a frame. A simpler time to be exact.

A picture of you and Bucky.

“You can keep it, if you want.” You say

Immediately,Bucky takes the picture and shoved it into his inside pocket and smiled

“Thank you for everything, Bucky” you say as you hug him.

“I’m sorry it can’t be the way we wanted it” he says

“Go and take care of the future, Barnes.”

He looked down at you and smiled before kissing you for what felt like years and pulling back before leaving the apartment.

When he approached Sam, he smiled weakly and then the two were brought back to normal times and Bruce, Strange,Peter and Carol were there to welcome the two back.

“Nice work, boys” Carol says

Bucky opens his jacket and pulls the picture out as he walks back to his room smiling down and the photo.

His lovely little lady. The woman he couldn’t have, but still loved. Never thought that life would be this cruel

#marvel #sebastian stan #bucky barnes #mcu #fanfic #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky x you #bucky angst

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gooferdusted · 4 years

Note

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

#holy fuck im so sorry <3 #shut up cereal #asks #long post #spn critical #hate tagging my posts as that bc i dont wanna b one of ~Those~ but i dont want ppl coming after me 4 this #theres probably like 100000 things i forgot!!! feel free to add ur own!!!!#there are some seasons i only ever watched once very very long ago....#and tbh classic spn is the freshest in my mind so im focusing on her #spn #supernatural

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teegam · 5 years

Text

This is a very short story inspired by a dream. It is mainly about what happens after the race with the turtle and the hare, and their discussion on life. Please tell me what you think!

After the Race

Turtle slowly approached the tree with the help of his cane. He struggled for breath as he climbed the stairs and rested for a minute before knocking in the wooden door. A young female rabbit greeted Turtle and introduced herself as the daughter of Mr Hare. She let him in and Turtle stepped forward to admire the room. There were trophies and certificates decorating the shelves accompanied by little trinkets and souveneirs from the family's travels. The rabbit motioned to a chair for the elderly figure to sit on to wait for Mr Hare to come out. He did so and thought about what he was going to say. Nothing he came up with sounded appropriate and his hands fumbled around as the wait become longer and longer. Finally the door to Mr Hare's bedroom opened and a very old and fragile rabbit rolled out on a wheelchair. His eyes wandered for a few seconds before landing on the stray turtle in the living room. He gave a smile and motioned for his daughter to head back into her room. The wood creaked under the weight of the chair as he rolled towards his old friend and Turtle soon returned a smile. The wrinkles and creases dissappeared for a moment from their faces as they locked eyes. The rainy season had seperated them, and the spring has kept them apart, making sure they were busy with their own homes and families but neither of them seemed too bothered by it.

"Are your legs ok Mr Hare?" Turtle asked.

"Please, Hare is fine. It seems that Ive lost the strength to carry my own body." He let out a small sigh. "All the races and work of building this home has costed me."

He looked around the room, taking in his accomplishments.

"If only that moment of racing you couldve lasted for just a little bit longer," He drifted on.

Turtle simply nodded in agreement and sat there for a few moments before Hare grabbed up a medal from the shelf above him.

"This is my only memory from that very special day." He handed it to Turtle. "I would like you to have it once I pass. It would do you more good for you than for me."

Turtle recieved the medal and examined it. It had such a modest and plain design carved out on a rotting piece of wood. With nothing interesting or special, it couldve easily overlooked by Turtle as he came in. Moss covered parts of it as it wasnt very well kept. However, without it there would soon be no proof that they had ever met. He inserted it into his bag and turned towards Hare. It seems that the old rabbit on the wheelchair had drifted off again.

"What about we head outside for some fresh air?"

Hare's head floated up slowly on his delicate neck and nodded. Turtle helped push his chair outside and closed the door behind him. They were greeted by a gentle and kind breeze. The forest was a soft shade of brown and yellow, as the fall had started to set in.

"I used to run all around these woods, back and forth with the love of my life. Yet this wheelchair has bounded me to my own beautiful home, saving me so many opportunities and striving me of even more." Hare had straightened up and put on an odd look." Would it be so much to ask if you would help me down?"

He turned to Turtle as his feeble arms struggled to push himself up and Turtle rushed over to help him. A few grunts and aching pain up along his legs and back and Hare sat back down on the top step of the staircase. Already Hare looked drained and tired from merely standing up from his chair. Turtle wouldve never imagined him like this when they first met.

"Had it really been so long?" Turtle asked.

"It may not have been very long for you, merely a few pages of your life had passed. A small portion of it would be spent with me, so please do not think much of it." Hare replied. "For me, though, Ive gone through all the things I would experience in life. I had fun with my friends, got in trouble, left my parents, married my wife, and built a home with her. I had been cocky, spontaneous, happy, heartbroken, and content. I had felt tired, proud, empty, troubled, and prosperous. I had seen all that life would offer me, and now Im about to witness its very last gift."

Turtle sat down with Hare and put aside his cane. He let out a sigh and composed his thoughts.

"I may have missed many events of your life, and had not been there for your ups and downs. But now I have seen how much youve grown and matured, yet Ive remained in the same place. Time has passed so slow for me, but I have yet to make the most of it like any other. Perhaps now I can spare a few moments to stay by your side for however much time you have left."

Hare merely smiled and leaned his head on Turtle's shoulder. The forest rustled and chirped as Hare drew his last breath and began his long and peaceful sleep. It seemed as if everything was normal, the birds kept singing and the trees kept growing. Hare had finished his last race, and therefore his last adventure with Turtle. The aging animal breathed in, and closed his eyes. There would be many more to rest by his side before he would have to face his own eternal sleep.

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

Text

Homestuck Liveblog #187

UPDATE 187: Love Confession

Last time Dirk took back the narrative, and Jade was knocked out for months. Also, Jane won the election, it’s a victory for the neoliberal austerity measures. Viva la Crocker! So what now? Let’s see.

We make a quick stop back at Rose’s apartment. She understandably wants to pack a few things before we leave this planet forever.

...okay, the update has barely started and there’s already some big news. So Dirk’s leaving the planet with Rose? Why? Is this an important part of his assimilation plan? Or is he doing this just to spite Kanaya, because he clearly has dedicated a lot of effort to making her run in circles? Dirk, explain!

She’ll have to leave her current body soon if she’s going to survive the absolute realization of her Ultimate Self. The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

The first thought I had was that she was going to ascend and turn into some kind of metaphysical existence, then I read the part about ‘the new body I’ve made for her’. Could it be a robot? I remember Dirk is superb with robotics. Pretty creepy of him to shove Rose’s consciousness into a robot, really. Kanaya isn’t going to be happy at all with this.

At least there’s still enough Rose in that head she wants to pick up stuff because of the memories. There’s still hope if she’s taken away from Dirk, perhaps? Hard to know. Rose hardly will be safe as long as Dirk has control over the narration, anyway.

Apparently Dirk knows nothing about jewelry, because he calls a necklace a ‘rock rope’. I know it’s unlikely the version of Earth he came from had any use for jewelry given...well...he was one of the two humans that remained alive and also everything was ruinous and gone, but seriously, Dirk, pay attention, haha! Rock rope, seriously...

I expect at least an aggravated retort, but nothing comes.

I glance back and see that her eyes have grown glassy and distant, like two round-cut amethysts. Her smile seems due less to fondness than stupefaction. The circles under her eyes are dark, and her head is cushioned on an arm bent beneath it. Keeping her eyes trained on me seems to be the only energy she’s able to expend anymore. The omniscience sickness is wreaking havoc on her. I should hurry up.

I’m glad I never had to feel whatever she’s going through. Not everyone can be built like me. It just means I carry a greater responsibility to take care of those more fragile. Especially the ones most important to me.

It sounds like Rose would have been going through a lot of trouble even if Dirk hadn’t been messing around with her head, but nothing of what he has done is good for her. Since she’s not in any condition to make sure Dirk picks up the right things, he just shoves everything in a bag or something and calls it a day.

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

She’s so far gone she can’t even tell Kanaya of course wouldn’t be okay with this. Damn, Rose, this epilogue hasn’t been kind to you at all. First it makes you omniscient and have killer migraines, now it’s drying your brain like a raisin so maybe you can be shoved into a robot while you’re being taken out of the planet to who knows where. Then again, who has this epilogue been kind to?

Dirk states he’ll make Kanaya understand, by which I imagine he means he’ll make her go around the Earth as if she was playing Where in the World is Rose Lalonde. Given how Kanaya won’t accept anything that isn’t Rose being freed, talking to her won’t be an option.

Speaking of Kanaya, she’s currently rushing towards the apartment, possibly having noticed Rose is there, and stop to take out her phone and plan what she’ll say to Dirk.

Is she sure she’s not misunderstanding something? Could she have misread the signals, or falsely assigned nefarious intent to a perfectly innocent series of events?

Honestly at this point I doubt anything of what Dirk has said to her can be construed as a ‘perfectly innocent series of events’. I mean, almost all of it has been left up to imagination, but Dirk already admitted he’s okay with messing around with Kanaya, so I doubt he has even pretended to make it look like this isn’t a kidnapping.

By now it’s pretty clear where there’s orange text there’ll be gaslighting. He takes advantage of his narrative powers to fill Kanaya with doubts and make her think she’s misinterpreting so many things. He’s even making her doubt of maybe being with her is good for Rose. It gets to the point where she tries to call Rose again and, this time, Dirk lets her answer, most likely because he knows he has managed to get the reactions and feelings he wanted her to feel.

KANAYA: Rose Its Okay

KANAYA: I Know Everything

ROSE: You... you do?

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: I Understand Whats Going On Now

KANAYA: I Just Want You To Know

KANAYA: How Happy You Made Me

ROSE: Oh, Kanaya...

KANAYA: I Wont Be Long

KANAYA: I Just Need To Say A Couple Things

KANAYA: While I Can

KANAYA: Before I Get Too Emotional About This

KANAYA: I Finally Get It

KANAYA: I Know You And He Belong Together

KANAYA: I Really Hope You Will Both Be Happy

KANAYA: Wherever Youre Going And Whatever You Decide To Do

KANAYA: I Will Always Be Thinking Of You

KANAYA: And Be Grateful For The Life We Had Together

ROSE: I...

ROSE: I’ll always remember you, Kanaya.

ROSE: Thank you so much for understanding.

And with this the path is clear and Kanaya won’t interfere anymore. Dirk has once again gotten away with whatever he’s trying to do. Congratulations, Dirk. Now what? He takes the phone to speak to her. Now that Kanaya isn’t upset and raring to rescue Rose, they have a short conversation.

DIRK: You’ve probably heard by now that Jade is sick.

DIRK: In a coma or something? She’s in the hospital.

KANAYA: Yes

DIRK: I’ve got an antidote for that. Medicine of sorts.

DIRK: If you give it to her, it should wake her up almost immediately.

DIRK: I left it here on the counter in your apartment.

I sure as hell don’t trust anything Dirk can give them. I’m almost certain that supposed antidote or medicine is none of that, and will make her worse. What’s more, won’t this make them suspicious? This would certainly show Dirk knows more about what happened to Jade than what he has told them. Heck, as I mentioned last update, this isn’t the first time he has used tranquilizers. Someone should have been able to make the connection, no?

Dirk sedates Rose with his trademark horse tranquilizers and takes her away. Also...

It slips my mind to bring along her bag of stuff.

I find that impossible to believe. No way Dirk just forgot, he intentionally left that behind, Mr. Multitasking, the guy Jane said would be unlikely to forget even little details.

Back at Dave and Karkaroni’s home, they still were in denial about their defeat in the political world, and now are watching Jane’s inauguration. This is such a bad spectacle for them Dave immediately proposes to get drunk. He’s down with alcoholism now. Oh boy. He also has been wondering for a while if there was anything they could have done different that could have led to their victory. Hardly, as Jake’s endorsement was going to be the cornerstone of their victory, but he still wonders that.

DAVE: i just keep imagining what wouldve happened if that absurd rube goldberg machine of life ruining humiliation had been stopped at any point

DAVE: maybe just being backstabbed by his endorsement alone was something we couldve recovered from with some rigorous counter campaigning

DAVE: but what if i had been fast enough to cut him off before hed even said anything

DAVE: what if i hadnt accidentally fallen on him on the stage when i was rushing over there to stop him

DAVE: what if he hadnt freaked out like i set off fireworks next to a nam vet and started trying to fucking scrum me

DAVE: what if id just backed away from his punch with my legs like a normal person instead of warping the flow of time to escape causing him to become so startled he shit his pants

DAVE: what if i hadnt gotten so visibly grossed out by the smell that even the people watching it on tv could tell what had happened

DAVE: what if he hadnt started sobbing when the audience in the front rows started throwing up

DAVE: what if wed had better security and stopped that lady from running onstage during the fracas and announcing that jake has been dodging paying child support for their 3 kids

Ah.

...

You know, I’m not really a fan of Jake. He’s okay as a character, but I don’t like him that much. Still, I keep having the impression his entire existence in Homestuck for quite a while is to be the author’s punching bag. The guy can’t have any dignity, can he? That aside, Dirk wasn’t in charge of the narrative back then because he was busy ogling over John and Terezi’s heartfelt conversations, so all that happened without his intervention. Poor Jake...

Also, so many people are very into getting Karkaroni and Dave together. While I like that thought, it feels rather invasive of everyone to be so invested in it. At this rate they’ll make the relationship fail before it has even started.

Karkaroni is a bit relieved he didn’t win, but...after the humiliation of losing to anyone in such a public manner I imagine he’s not going to be thrilled with the attention. Even if he’s loved by the public it still will get some comments and words of support, and he’s not the type to take those things quietly. Good thing he almost doesn’t leave the hive.

If Karkat had anything resembling a spine, he’d turn to Dave with those big, sparkling shoujo eyes and finally open his tsundere heart to consummating their painfully obvious and mutually reciprocated passion

How quaint, my eyes somehow went blind momentarily as soon as the words ‘sparkling shoujo eyes’ were said in reference to Karkaroni. What a curious phenomenon.

Somehow, trying to manipulate Dave into confessing his feelings towards Karkaroni is the line Dirk refuses to cross. Really? That’s your line in the sand? Okay then. So he’s going to let these two handle things their way, although with some prodding via narrative, I suppose. Oh, that’s what this page will be about! I see! Alright, continue.

Karkaroni begins by thanking Dave for everything.

KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DIDN’T WIN, I’M GLAD WE TRIED.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD WE WENT THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

DAVE: me too

KARKAT: MORE THAN ANYTHING, I... YOU...

KARKAT: YOU BELIEVE IN ME IN A WAY NOBODY EVER HAS BEFORE.

KARKAT: MORE THAN I’VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

Aw, that’s sweet! He really appreciates the support and it’s easy for him to believe Dave means everything he says. When anyone else tells him they like and support him it feels like condescending kindness, but it’s different with Dave. That’s what Karkaroni is saying.

KARKAT: YOU’RE ON MY LEVEL. AND I’M ON YOURS.

KARKAT: I BELIEVE THAT YOU SEE ME IN FRONT OF YOU THE WAY I ACTUALLY AM, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AND STILL LIKE ME ANYWAY.

KARKAT: SO EVEN THOUGH IT’S STILL HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF A LOT OF THE TIME,

KARKAT: I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO I DON’T NEED TO.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

They’re kindred spirits, pretty much. Even if they don’t get together, they’re likely to be good friends for a very long time, if not forever. That’ll do them both some good, especially in these coming times of bad economy and neoliberal austerity measures. Besides, without Jade messing around with ridiculous threesome thirst, things are bound to be less tense around here. The future is...not looking bright, but at least they’ll have each other as support.

KARKAT: YEAH, KIND OF?

KARKAT: FUCK, MAN. THAT’S KIND OF DEEP.

DAVE: i know

KARKAT: SO, YEAH.

KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT I’VE NEVER REALLY FELT BEFORE.

KARKAT: AND I’M GLAD YOU’RE...

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE...

Come on. You’re so close.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.

Aw, that’s fantastic! Look at that, Karkaroni said aloud he appreciates Dave this much, and he did it to his face! This kind of thing is real difficult for him, so the fact he felt the spontaneous need to tell this to Dave is pretty nice. They have come quite a long way since their first interactions in like Act 3 or so.

Dave pretty much says ‘oh. Same.’, which is as much emotional reciprocation as Dave can give, I suppose, so I can’t give him much of a hard time. Dirk, on the other hand, is pretty much dying. If Dave and Karkaroni’s conversation is what makes Dirk quit controlling the narrative I’ll be so amused. This is going so well Dirk decides to press things a little, making Dave have some weird mental images and similes, but it does get Dave to continue talking.

Kind of rude to forget what you were talking about Karkaroni’s feelings, pal. Top notch friendship/almost romantic effort. But yeah, it’s now Dave’s turn to talk about his feelings, saying ‘same’ in more words.

DAVE: like maybe we feel the same way about certain things

DAVE: but what were saying and what were feeling

DAVE: maybe those arent exactly the same thing

DAVE: and maybe... we should...

KARKAT: WE SHOULD WHAT?

DAVE: maybe its time to

DAVE: talk

DAVE: about... that

Well, I guess this is progress?

KARKAT: THAT???

DAVE: yeah, like

DAVE: how... when you say were friends

DAVE: what... does that mean

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE FRIENDS?

DAVE: yeah but

DAVE: is that it?

DAVE: just friends

Oho, he’s pushing for it! Maybe Dave really feels something romantic towards Karkaroni. I’m actually a bit surprised he’s acting on that. While I personally did believe he did, I wasn’t really going to take it for granted unless more indication was given in the text and here it is. Alright!

KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.

KARKAT: YOU’RE MY...........

KARKAT: B......

KARKAT: ......EST FRIEND.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: i see

It’s so unlike Karkaroni to hesitate like that. Does he feel the same too? I feel like, if he had no doubts about it, he’d have outright said ‘best friend’ without any ellipsis. Something in your mind, Karkaroni? Dave accepts it anyway, and that’s that. At least until Dirk keeps pressing things forward again. Geez, give them a break.

Alright, Dirk, can you not. Being too descriptive is a thing, you know.

Dave’s actually leaning forward for a kiss, Dirk making sure every little action Karkaroni does seems like he’s receptive to romantic overtures, until Dave realizes he’s having thoughts he’d never have. Which is true, really. The narration is really invasive.

KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?

KARKAT: DID I DO SOMETH—

DAVE: no

DAVE: i just cant

DAVE: shit

DAVE: it just feels like

It feels like nothing, Dave. Don’t worry about it.

DAVE: what the fuck is going on

DAVE: this feels really off

KARKAT: ????

DAVE: idk

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

He’s right. This is precisely why I say forcing things to happen is not a good idea. Look at that, it’s interfering. Way to go, Dirk, now stop metaphorically holding their head together as if they’re dolls you’re making kiss. All you did is make Dave all confused.

I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.

NO KIDDING.

If Dave passes that threshold not of his own will, it’d be a hollow victory anyway. There’s nothing I can do but settle down, step it back, and trust my boy to bring it home.

I think if Dirk forced things to happen this wouldn’t last, unless Dirk keeps his attention on their romantic relationship 24/7, and he obviously wouldn’t want to do that. Things would fall apart irreparably, I’d say, because these two are so emotionally constipated they would refuse to even consider the possibility of trying again. Just let things happen, if they happen.

What follows is several paragraphs of prose so purple I’m surprised the font is orange. Despite that it’s pretty well written, it’s descriptive and paints the scene pretty vividly. This may be the one time I like Dirk’s narration. Also, all that is being funneled into Dave’s head, so it’s like he has a narrator describing everything, which he doesn’t like. Dirk once again ruins everything when Dave had already progressed, and let me tell you, your loved one shouting in your face to some unseen influence is not attractive.

Before Karkaroni can ponder if Dave is losing his mind right in front of him, Dave just goes ahead with the kiss. There they go! What they wanted has happened. Now the thing to wonder is if it’ll last. Good luck to them!

God damn. I’m sorry. I’m blowing the description here, and missing a lot of good shit. It just caught me so off guard.

Honestly it’s better this way. No need for more, that was all that was needed. Brevity is the soul of wit, Dirk. Not that you have ever known the meaning of the word ‘brevity’.

I’m not going to intercede with a single word further, and I won’t let you, either. I won’t cheapen this beautiful moment with my base editorialization just to satisfy your voyeuristic curiousity. Frankly, I’m offended you’d even expect me to.

I expected it because you have as much tact as a baseball bat to the teeth, pal.

What they’re getting up to here is nobody’s business but theirs.

Davekat is canon, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter. Let’s give these crazy lovebirds some privacy and move on.

Thank goodness, make this twice I’m okay with Dirk’s narration. I better check outside and see what color is the moon right now. Oh, look, it’s blue. No wonder he’s being discreet.

So after these parts where Dirk was acceptable as the narrator, naturally he has to go and ruin it by meeting Jake the next page, where he immediately showers himself with rose petals and preens by bragging about any virtues he thinks he has. I’m not looking forward to him talking to Jake, especially not after the way he was talking about Jake back at the stadium for the endorsement speech. At the first sign of ridiculous gaslighting I’m calling this a day.

My guy Squarewave is here too. I need his help today, because there’s a lot of cargo to wrangle. He’s wheeling something around on a hand truck. Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it. But the only way she’ll be able to do that is when she’s awake and looking in a mirror.

Okay, it definitely will be a robot for Rose. Golly, there’s something really creepy about transferring a friend’s consciousness to a robot, especially when she’s in no condition to do anything about it. Then again, I suppose a robot’s processing power would help to deal with the sensory overload of all the visions and stuff. That must be Dirk’s reasoning, no? I wonder for Rose will react once she’s inside the robot, able to think clearly – if Dirk doesn’t stop her from thinking, of course.

Dirk goes straight to the point, telling he needs a spaceship, although he doesn’t mention it’s to run away from the planet. All he wants is something fast, to run away as quickly as he can to where nobody can bother him while he keeps his iron grip on everything from a distance, I suppose.

Apparently Jake thought he was going to join Dirk, so Dirk sets that straight. Now that this matter is settled, Jake asks a sensible question:

JAKE: So um... how long will you be away? Does kanaya know about all of these shenanigans?

DIRK: Yes.

DIRK: We’ve discussed it. She’s ok with it.

JAKE: Whew good to see theres no trouble in paradise. Theyve always had the most lovely marriage.

Boy that’s going to be awkward to discuss, if they ever do. There’s plenty of trouble in paradise, and all of them are shaped like Dirk.

Jake hasn’t gotten over his failed relationship with Dirk, and he asks him when he’ll be back from this romp in space. The news Dirk is never coming back devastates him. Oh hey, I just realized: is Terezi coming? This is what Dirk meant about letting her come along, right? Is she going to join them, dragging John’s corpse in a wallet? Should I expect a Terezi robot in the future?

Jake can’t come, not only because Dirk doesn’t want him anywhere near him, but also because he’ll have to support Jane in a reign that’s likely to last millions of years. Jake argues he knows nothing about strategy or policy, so I suppose he’ll stay because of his political capital? Whatever political capital he has left after the...shameful spectacle of the endorsement speech.

DIRK: Uh, Jake. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

DIRK: Well, I know Jane sure doesn’t.

JAKE: Then... what...

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know.

DIRK: Her candy boy?

JAKE: CANDY BOY???

DIRK: Yeah. Being on call.

DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such.

DIRK: To provide her with many heirs.

DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool?

I’m losing my patience with this ass and also with Condesce Jane. Scrolling down. Jake basically confesses he can’t live without Dirk’s presence, and Dirk puts all the blame on Jake. Where’s the arrow for the next page...ah, there it is.

Kanaya is looking for Jade’s hospital room, antidote in hand. She finds it and shows Roxy the antidote, ready to apply it to Jade. She doesn’t even explain what it is, she just injects it right away, and it doesn’t take long at all for Jade to start moving. An effective antidote! And when Jade opens her eyes, they’re green instead of black. She’s not possessed. Ah, so that’s why Dirk was okay with letting Jade wake up, she’s not under Dead Calliope’s control anymore.

Looks like during her trance there was still some sort of consciousness in her. She knows a lot, possibly in the same way Dirk, Rose and Terezi know a lot – by seeing a lot of alternate Jades. She’s taking it all rather well, without headaches or anything debilitating like what Rose had before going to see Dirk. She does have something, though: wrath. And it’s all directed at one person.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Damn right! Buuuut he’s kind of getting on a spaceship, so you’re running out of time for that. Then again, this is Jade, the one with space powers. That has to be some sort of advantage.

The next page is Dirk’s justification for his actions. It’s nothing really worthwhile, mostly that he wanted to be a good person and thought of himself that way, but given what he had to do and what powers he had, it was impossible to come across as anything but the villain, and that he admitted he was the villain now. From all this page there’s only a couple things worth going deeper into, I’d say. Let’s see...

If my agenda was to try as hard as I could to make sure no one thought I sucked, what the fuck would ever get done? How would I go about taming this world, or shaping reality for the better? And if I didn’t bother pursuing those goals, and thereby tacitly accepting the untold suffering that resulted from my inaction, wouldn’t that make me a bad person? If I try and succeed, I’m a hero, right? And if I try and fail, at least I made things interesting on my way to the grave. There would be a tragic nobility in that. And the way I see it, settling for anything less from my arc would be, frankly, pathetic.

Right. Can’t say I understand what Dirk’s plan is, other than it seems like it’s to assimilate everyone under one big god or something – most likely in a metaphorical manner – but other than that there hasn’t really been any kind of information about it. That aside, there’s something else to touch in this part.

Be okay with everyone hating you because you know what you’re doing is for the better? It’s more than fine. Has a lot of potential and grounds for some good personal conflict. It’d indeed be tragically noble. Buuuut none of what I read in this epilogue says it’s a tragically noble. In terms of writing, Dirk seriously is going to succeed on making every character in Homestuck loathe him, judging by the way Jade already woke up and is ready to scream her head off about how Dirk has to be stopped, so he has that much right. All that is more than fine, and it certainly would be a hella interesting story if it wasn’t an epilogue.

The problem is that Dirk controlled the narrative and showed exactly what was going on in his head. The reader could see very clearly what he thought of everyone, the reader saw what kind of choice words he had to say about people like John or Jake or anyone else. The reader saw all the disdain towards pretty much everything and how Dirk kept patting himself on the back. After all that, this entire page of Dirk justifying how it’s okay if he’s the villain comes across as very delusional. It’s pretty hard to think of any of this as ‘tragic nobility’ when the narrative showed very well he’s pretty rotten to the core.

Which would have been excellent if this had been anything other than Homestuck, really. It’d have been such an interesting thing, and so enjoyable. Alas. Still going to talk about that once I’m done with the epilogue.

The other thing I think is worth seeing is this:

That’s why when someone finally comes knocking for the price I owe, I’ll fully welcome it. By then it’ll have been a long time coming, and I’ll probably have done more than my share to make sure, somewhere along the way, it all got put into motion. What good is a villain who doesn’t have a satisfying dramatic comeuppance in store for him? So yeah, the next time I die, let’s pencil it in as a Just Death. And let’s also have it on good authority that the next time Dave cuts off my head, it’ll be for good.

I’ll be looking forward to that day just as much as the next guy.

He already has decided how it’ll be. I don’t doubt he’ll let it happen because, well, he controls the narrative, and my guess is that he wouldn’t let anyone but Dave kill him. Who better than him? And in what other manner but making the meme happen once again? Even during death Dirk Strider has to stick to his memes. Wouldn’t be surprised if when the time comes he intentionally writes things so Dave decapitates him instead of, say, stab him through the gut with the sword.

Aaaalso, is this implying said ‘satisfying dramatic comeuppance’ isn’t coming in this epilogue? Kind of say that coming, really. I heard the Meat epilogue has forty-something pages and this is page 41. There’s not really a lot of space left to do a dramatic confrontation that’s not rushed, unless you forgo everything like setting it up and just teleport everybody to the moment of Dirk’s death. Then again, this is Homestuck. Clean, tidy conclusions aren’t really its thing, haha, so I didn’t really think there’d be any kind of confrontation with Dirk. If Lord English didn’t get one in the story itself, why would Dirk Strider of all people get it?

The next page starts with quite the long conversation. Let’s see...

So, Jade is immediately alarmed while Kanaya is appeasing her, saying everything is okay. Roxy is going to be so confused, being the only one here who hasn’t been involved in Dirk’s antics at all. Now that I think about it, Roxy is the only one who hasn’t been kicked to the curb by this epilogue, I suppose it’s because she’s been pretty much a nonentity during the epilogue except for a conversation or two that didn’t really have anything to do with the other plots. Then again, Calliope had even less and she ended traumatized.

KANAYA: Hes Going To Take Good Care Of Rose

KANAYA: Probably Much Better Than Id Ever Be Able To

KANAYA: Ill Miss Her But Im At Least Thankful For That

JADE: THANKFUL??

JADE: kanaya...

JADE: did

JADE: did dirk KIDNAP ROSE?!

Yes! He very much did! Make sure when you rescue her her mind is in her body instead of inside a robot. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to convince everyone to take an empty husk away, saying she’s in a coma or something.

Things are so bad Roxy sounds indignant. I feel bad for her, it’s going to be tough to hear such things about one of her oldest friends. Jade asks questions to find out if Kanaya being okay with these developments was an attitude she arrived to by her own volition or if Dirk influenced her in some manner. As soon as the answer is said she knows it’s Dirk’s influence.

It’s fine, Kanaya. Why don’t we just say I’m invoking the mercy rule here. Jade is onto me obviously. But I wouldn’t have even let her wake up if there was anything you all could do about it by now. As the cherub resurfaces in her mind, I’ll be fading out of here soon anyway. I don’t see any reason to keep my dear friends in limbo any longer than they need to be.

So he doesn’t mind if Dead Calliope takes over Jade again – and possibly the narrative. Sounds to me like Dirk got away with whatever he was doing, then. If he can let go of the narrative, then he doesn’t need it anymore. Oof, not good. He cares so little he even gives Kanaya her own sane judgment back. How smug of him.

KANAYA: Wait

KANAYA: I Dont...

KANAYA: Im Confused

ROXY: ???

KANAYA: Why Didnt I At Least

KANAYA: Demand To See My Wife Before They Departed While I Had Dirk On The Phone

ROXY: omg u didnt even SEE her before she left??

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: At The Time It Didnt Feel Right To Ask I Guess

KANAYA: I Was So Devastated I Thought

KANAYA: That I Should Just

KANAYA: I Dont Know What I Thought

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: What Was I THINKING?

JADE: :(

She must be furious. It’s not everyday she lets go of her quirk like that. From the position my scrolling bar is at right now, I see more full caps. Kanaya, do you still have chainsaws? I can imagine Kanaya revving up the chainsaw right now. Dirk should consider himself lucky he may be already in outer space.

Seriously, it’s pretty hard to think of Dirk’s actions as ‘tragically noble’ when he’s patting his own back so hard he’s going to sprain his shoulder.

Without even knowing the details Kanaya is already certain Dirk has corrupted her in some manner, because otherwise Rose wouldn’t have acted like she did. She’s not wrong! And then she vows to make him pay, and pay dearly he will. That part I’m afraid won’t happen, as I’m pretty sure Dave will be the one to give the final blow, and chainsaws kind of make deadly injuries so she can’t do anything.

Since Jade’s the one with the answers, Kanaya demands to hear them, impatiently ignoring Jade’s words about anything that doesn’t seem related to Dirk at first. True to dramatic yet cheesy writing, all Jade manages to say is...

JADE: im trying to get to that!

JADE: the thing with dirk is...

JADE: is...

Whooops, here comes Dead Calliope. Hi! And this time Dirk is okay with it because his plans are already underway, so he doesn’t mind giving the dead cherub this advantage. Dead Calliope will give Jade back only when Dirk is so far away he’s not a danger to anyone, and given how he’s already far away and in control...well that’s going to be a long while.

they will know what to do, when they are ready.

Ha ha. Sure. They’ll all just hop in a spaceship and go on a wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. It’s really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally is.

Can it really be called a wild goose chase when it’s a foregone conclusion they’ll succeed? You know they will, you’re even expecting that with some eagerness. It may take them a looooong time, but they’ll reach Dirk someday. A few of these people have an eternity to do so, after all. I imagine others will come along once they find out what happened, too. I’m pretty confident Jane would be the only one who wouldn’t, and that’s because she’ll be too busy implementing her reign of terror.

kanaya drops to the floor and begins weeping again. she feels the sorrow anew from her wife’s departure, with a sense of rage and pain unshrouded by the veil of the prince. neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

Well! Sorry to disappoint, Dead Calliope, but the odds they’ll remain on this planet and do nothing after two of them stated pretty clearly Dirk has to be stopped and kidnapped someone are...pretty low. I just hope Dead Calliope isn’t going to get in their way when they finally get going.

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

huddled on the floor, she repeats this pledge to herself. theoretically, he could be stopped before he leaves, if they hurried. they would need to know what to do, where to go, and to have the motivation to do it, but time is short. i could push them to, with a certain degree of intervention, but i will not. my unwillingness to do so is what separates me from him. and what corporeal life needs now is someone presiding over them who is nothing like him at all.

So Dead Calliope would just be an observer narrating everything, I guess. She wouldn’t intervene or push anyone around unless they were insulting the mighty lollipop. That’d be the extent of her actions, hm...having free will sounds really nice, I must say. It wouldn’t be so bad for this to be the status quo.

This is the end of the page. This update is already quite long, so I’ll cut it here. In the next one I’ll finish the meat epilogue.

Next update: next time

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

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writingforjoy · 5 years

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Decotta’s Diary

Once again, huuuge thanks to @aurikhai, @rose-of-sharon-cass, and anon for asking for this particular drabble and i apologize again for taking so long with it! the first three entries are for the asks, and then i did the last one as a normal diary entry. All typos, punctuation, and grammar mistakes are left the way they are because I wrote it as if she was typing it on her phone. @rhikasa i hope you'll enjoy this one too

Dear diary, July 22, 2016 10:58pm

We’re leaving for a ‘mission’ tomorrow. Just gathering more intel or something on this ring of productivity. Think its supposed to create whatever you want, but idk, wasn’t really listening when pH0 and zane were talking about it. I would just ask him but I don’t wanna make myself look stupid! I mean, its literally not my job as ‘king’ to know, just to make sure that we don’t use all our expenses. Anyways, tomorrow we’ll leave Moonshine Lake. I’ve never been to Arkansas before, I wonder if it’s any different from Louisiana? We’ll see...but I’m not driving lol.

Dear diary, July 23, 2016 3:47pm

The only thing worse than all these trees is Emment presence. Honestly I don’t get WHY Haiden thought it was a good idea to send Emment along. I dont care if he can heal, I can protect Zane on my own! Now we can’t share the room OR have the romantic date like I planned! It was supposed to be just me and Zane enjoying the rest of the day ALONE together just relaxing but nnoooo. With Emment here, senpai wants to ‘get this done as quickly as possible’. I’ll have to read Sixteen to see how to fix this.

Dear diary, July 23, 2016 11:15pm

If Emment’s tagging along didn’t have me pissed, I definitely am now. APPARENTLY, Zane’s been working on this BY HIMSELF FOR MONTHS, and the person that has the stupid ring now is soME GIRL HE’S BEEN “DATING” FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!! I wouldnt have known about it if Emment hadnt let it slip what Zane was actually doing tonight when he left! To make it all worse, it wont be til maybe midnight when he decides to come back! Why did you have to lie to me senpai?! I couldve been of use! It would’ve been different this time!!!

Dear diary, July 24 2016 3:42am

Just as i got ready to go out and find him, senpai comes stumbling in, reeking of what i can only guess is weed and alcohol. Thankfully, he had everything to make a purification potion. Buuut, he wasn’t...all the way there to do it himself. Emments useless ass was already sleep when he made it in earlier, so that left me to make the potion for him. i couldnt stand seeing him so out of it, so of course i made it! now he’s just puking on and off again from potions effects. ...i hope he sleeps well tonight.

Dear diary, July 26, 2016 6:42am

Ok i know im supposed to have a journal entry everyday but the night zane came in he ended up resting the rest of the day and i stayed by his side watching him and then yesterday was sooo busy! YESTERDAY WAS THE BEST. DAY. EVER!!!! Oh my god wher do i even begin??!!? Ssooo, as my reward for being the best girl in the world the other night to senpai, i had BREAKFAST IN BED!!! He ordered room service for me and brought me ROSES!! He tried apologizing for everythign but i told him not to worry about, this small gesture was enough to let me know that he still cared for me~ AND THEN. HE ASKED ME. TO HELP HIM GET THE RING!! i was BEYOND excited to help him!! But i kept my cool, and told him sure, whatever. So he went on about who the girl, maggie, was (just some uppity college bitch rebelling against her rich folks) and was telling me that when we went out that night i’d have to use a glamour (he already had his ready and dear god he only gets hotter the older he gets), and who i was going to be waltzing around as (another one of her friends who sounded equally boring as her). Anyways, her parents been gone on vacation or whatever and that night she was hosting a big party at her house that he was invited to. Haiden was going to get the girl that i was going to be and keep her busy or whatever, but she was already taken care of by the time me and zane got to the party. Oh god that party was intense, so ima make try to make this entry short cause tired as fuck.

When we got there, the party was already goin, music blasting, couples all on the couches drunk kissing, people in the corners drinking, beer pong in the kitchen, the works. To maggie, i was there to help her trap zane and oh my GOD it took ALL of my willpower to not light her ass up on the spot (though it was pretty damn hilarious when i caused a short outage and she and a couple of other girls screamed), luckily senpai was close by and was able to calm me down before i got myself caught like last time, then off they went to have a ‘private conversation’, and maggie told to let everyone know that she’ll be ‘right back’ if anyone needed her, but we both know how that went lol.

So as soon as they made it to the room i stood at the door making sure no one would be interrupting senpai...and do a little eavesdropping AND OH MY GOD THIS STUPID HUMAN! She called him a crook and a liar, and all he wanted from her was her money all while she was fake crying, and then she had the nerve, the AUDACITY, to call him a witch. Of all things! A WITCH!! Then! Ooh then she called him a low-life and a snake-FIRST OF ALL MA’AM MY BABY’S JUST DOIN HIS DAMN JOB SO FUCK YOU AND YOUR UPPITY ATTITUDE-i wanted to bust in and shout that so badly, and senpai must’ve known it too cause i heard him yell ‘calm down’ in french, and again softly in english for her (i guess). At this point my curiosity was getting the best of me and i just had to see what they were doing, so i enchanted the door so i could see in, and oh my poor baby. He looked genuinely concerned, hurt even, at her accusations. Then he cupped her chin in his hand and asked her where she heard such things, and when she told him he gave her this sad look and told her some pitiful story that i only wish i remembered to prove his innocence AND SHE FAILED FOR IT! She started wiping her eyes, stammering apologies, talkin how she ‘loved’ him but didnt wanna get hurt again, and when he did his little ‘confession of love’ for her, shE KISSED HIM! I promise to god i this close to barging in, but i saw senpai hand waving ‘stop’ while she started mumbling god knows what. then he slowly leaned (a little bit too) close to her ear and whispered something that made her redder than a ripe tomato, and this horny bitch got up faster than the sun rises and started stripping out of her clothes, what makes it sad was that she tried to do it sexily, but she wasnt as graceful as she thought she was about it at all. So drunk and pathetic, humans are so weak minded that its actually entertaining lol. Once she got her bra off and straddled him, he finally put the sleeping spell on her and laid her on the bed as he slipped the ring off her finger! We made the deliver just before we got home this morning and i am more than thrilled to be in my own bed right now and that everythings finally done.

Zane Masters, my senpai, is simply the best demon in the world! He’s sweet, charming and clever, and can easily manipulate people when he wants to, and thats what i love about him. Thats why hes the Second King, our K2, my sweet, sweet, love. One day he’ll agree to go out with me, then he’ll see that im just as much of a girl as any other one, and then he’ll fall in love with me, and we’ll finally live happily ever after!

#writingforjoy #writeblr #fiction #drabbles #prompts #(im)mortal #Decotta Weyn

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the-skooma-den · 5 years

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Aight! part 2 to my whole shebang on my eso main syke! Part 1 is here and it covers the basics of who/what she is. This one is how she goes through the main plot, all thats under cut

And here is a directory to both posts about her, as well as the ones about her siblings

Were gonna do this bullet point style .also just assume the main plot quests are going on at the same time, the “main” quest remains relatively unchanged aside from her relationship with Abnur Tharn, who is her grandfather, which although it sounds important really isnt because she hates him.

Pre main plot: Mostly covered in the previous posts

Her time before the main plot, as a member of the brotherhood. At the time of her kidnapping she was mentally a wreck and moments away from a mental break. She was on a lot of drugs and was drunk pretty often, it was a very bad scene. On top of that morally speaking was pretty ambiguous if not downright evil.She was actually infamous in the brotherhood for her ruthlessness. (It’s actually a common story to tell the new recruits about the time she slit a babies throat in front of its mother because the mother got in her way). Overall unsympathetic and completely apathetic to worries of the world around her.

It’s worth noting that deep down she was already ashamed of herself, which fueled a lot of her unhealthy behavior. She doesnt see much wrong with how the brotherhood operates in general (she was literally raised in their cult so not much surprise there) But her earned reputation as being brutal was not one she was proud of

Eventually she was drunk one night and was captured and sacrificed by the worm cult, thus starting the main plot

Cold Harbor: She was in cold harbor for a long long while ,she’s not actually sure how long she was there. It felt like years, but when she got back to nirn she had only been missing for about 6 months, and some of the injuries she couldve sworn were there for a months looked only hours old when she escaped. Her experience there haunts her for a long time,pretty much the rest of her life, but she does her best to deal with it. Her time here cause her first real shift, because now she cares about something. Even if it’s just caused he pissed her off. She’ll stop at nothing to stop Molag Bal even at the cost of her life. Which might not really be an issue in the first place, as thanks to her lack of a soul she is essentially immortal. Whenever she “dies” her body falls to the ground and her concienness is left to wander nearby while it magically heals (unless the body is completely destroyed, then she ends up at a wayshrine a while later)

Cold harbor is where she got her most prominent scars. The shackles around her neck (mostly on the back of her neck) and wrists and lashes on her back. All of her piercing were ripped out as well. Her hair is extremely matted and overall shes just gross and uncomfortable She also has 2 neat and precise stab wounds above her heart from manimarco.

Khenarthi’s roost/ Auridon: After Razum-dar drags her out of the ocean looking like hell, She’s so dazed from ya know,dying and coming back to life that she doesnt bother coming up with any kind of character or disguise, she barely even has the mind to come up with her fake name,Syke.

When he dredged her up he immediately brought her to healers and though they had to work pretty quickly they fixed her up well. They cut off all the matted bits of her hair (which she later fixed into her little Mohawk thing), they healed up all her tears from the piercings being ripped out. They also healed up the wound from the shackles and whips the best they could ,they couldn’t do it all the way through but they made sure it wouldn’t get infected at least, but there was no way to stop it from scarring.

She actually does know who Raz is even though they’ve never met, she’s just heard of him. She figures “Hey getting the support of the Queen and her spy force would be useful” so she goes along with it and helps him. She manages to conceal the fact she knows who he is pretty well, but he is still suspicious. (which to be fair a women who was recently pretty clearly a prisoner falling out fo the sky and clearly being a experience fighter and mage isn’t exactly normal). She proves herself dangerously competent, extremely useful (and also kinda hot) so Raz asks for her help on Auridon as well.

Only a few notable divergent from the main plot of things happen while on Auridon. The first is that after she is appointed as an Eye of the queen she asks the queen to speak privately for a moment and while no one knows 100% of what they spoke about, the main thing is that this is when Syke explains the whole “I have no soul and am planning on killing Molag Bal to get it back” thing. As his invasion is starting to really mount up by this point the queen promises to support the endeavor whenever it happens so on so forth.

The second is an extra moment between Raz and Syke after the quest at Mathiisen. Basically She looks at Raz and realizes since she’s met him like 4 of his friends have died. She’s not very good with people or emotion but, well they may not really trust each other but they still like each other…and she’s at least pretty sure they're friends,all his other friends are kinda dead, she figures she might as well TRY to comfort him. This ends up with them getting absolutely smashed in the local inn and is basically an excuse for exposition because Raz knows almost nothing about her at this point. He does end up learning quite a bit about her, including that she’s from a little town north of silvinar (which honestly, kinda obvious. She has a pretty strong east bosmeri accent even after living away from there for years and years), and that she’s at least somewhat noble with little to no interest in claiming her titles. She greatly downplays HOW noble she is. He returns the favor and tell her he’s from a little farming village and She immediately guesses what part of Elsweyr hes from, shes spent a lot of time there in her youth, and she could identify that southern Anequina accent anywhere. After this she takes to jokingly calling him Farm Boy…if only in private. They also learn more about each others families, though it mostly amounts to funny stories about their younger siblings.

They wake up horribly hungover (and naked) the next day and go on their separate ways for a bit. (aka, he goes to meet up with the Queen on their way to the festival in skywatch, Syke goes and does some sidequests and then they meet up during the festival. The plot continues)

Last little side note here is her addiction to skooma and other drugs. Dying, spending a long time in spooky terrible ghost hell prison, and then kinda but not really coming back to life has some pretty funny affects on a person. She didn’t get any kind of magical cure for her addiction, she was basically just forced to go cold turkey for god knows how long. She’s in an ok enough mental space to at least refuse skooma, but she still hits the alcohol pretty frequently.

Valenwood: Valenwood is where things get a little conflicted with her personal life, Namely because of her sister, Nia. (more on her in part 1 but quick summary, she ran away almost 10 years ago and faked her death,and then showed up with the bosmeri noble members of their family completely denouncing her, their mother and the rest of their family)

So while Syke is off doing the main quest in Valenwood, Raz puts together that one of the Dominions biggest supporters among the Bosmeri Nobles matches Sykes description of her sister. Raz decides to tell said Noble about the whole thing and she confirms that, that sounds a LOT like what happened between her and her sister. Raz learns a bit more about the whole family drama he has somehow stumbled into, including the whole “Nia ran away Thing, but doesn’t learn much about Syke specifically. Just that her and Nia are actually cousins, they have different last names and that she’s pretty much always gone by fake names or nicknames (and that Nia is working of the correct assumption that Syke wouldnt appreciate her real name being revealed)

Nia at this point, does not regret leaving and knows it was what was best for her, but defiantly regrets how she did it. Raz informs her that hes actually going to see Syke at Marbruk and invites her along to try and apologize to Syke.

Raz is expecting some heart felt reunions and tearful apologies and is of course surprised when Syke didn’t even let Nia say two words. She saw Nia, was stunned enough that Nia took off her mask without struggle but before she could get even 2 words out Syke decked her. Hard

So Raz talks to Nia (once she wakes up) and learns some alarming things from her. Mostly why Nia ran away in the first place (she didnt want to be a member of the dark brotherhood and being a impulsive teenager who figured that faking her death was the best option) and that yeah, Syke is not just a member of the brotherhood, but a really notable one,and also a lot about her …disturbing reputation in it. Not to mention the fact she’s a bit higher up on the nobility scale then she originally implied…by like a lot. She is pretty close to inheriting several thrones and important titles, and is by the way, Abnur tharns granddaughter.

Raz, of course, runs to the Queen to deliver the information that yeah, their extremely efficient new recruit is a member of the brotherhood, and is the granddaughter of the man who tortured her. The Queen already knows. Syke isnt dumb, she figured this might come up eventually and told the Queen first chance she got (remember that conversation in Auridon?). Ayrenn agreed to continue letting her be an Eye,with the understanding that if Syke ever moved against the Dominion she’d be killed on the spot. As for the Abnur Tharn thing, well Syke never really knew him. At the time of the Auridon conversation she had never met him, and you can’t really hold a person accountable for the actions of a relative she never knew… Course Syke had at this point met Abnur tharn multiple times but even someone with zero social grace like her understood that this was not the time to mention it.

Raz is pissed at Ayrenn and Syke for not telling him any of this, Syke is pissed at Nia for…everything she’s done for almost 10 years, and Ayrenn and Nia are getting along surprisingly well (and lowkey are kinda dating). Nia follows Syke around for the rest of the main Dominion plot, Syke is not happy about it but damn Nia’s hard to shake. Nia is as stubborn as her sister and If Syke won’t forgive her then she can at least try and help get her sisters soul back.

The Raz and Syke thing gets resolved before the end of Valenwood after another brief conversation where it really hits Raz with the pure amount of shit Syke’s been through and is still going through.

Yeah hes still mad, but shes desperately trying to apologize to him and honestly sometimes you have to cut a person some slack. Whatever her reasons for joining in the first place she is genuinely loyal to the Dominion (if she wasn’t those giant golden wing tattoos on her back were a real stupid move). There’s no way around the fact he’s a little intimidated by her now, for several reasons really. And it sucks and it hurts her but you can’t really blame him.

The main plot counties as it does, though I like to think they get a slight break at the end to actually enjoy the celebration appointing the new Silvinar and Green Lady for a couple days before things go to shit and she has to run out to reapers march.

Appearance wise, shes starting to replace her Piercings and she’s getting tattoos to cover her scars. Golden Laurels around the shackle marks and Golden eagle winds to cover the whip marks on her back. She really believes in the Queen at this point and thinks Ayrenn is the best bet Cyrodill has, to the point she’s decided to represent it on her body.

Reapers March: (technically part of Valenwood I think but i figure it deserved its own part) Even more shit hits the fan now, cause being declared an important figure in a completely different religion isn’t something that’s gonna help a crisis of faith. So a few things happen here.

A third member joins the party, Syke’s little adoptive brother Jo’Thera, a Khajiiti Necromancer and fellow member of the brotherhood shows up. He was besides being her little brother, easily Syke’s best friend. He knows She’s been unhappy for a long time now and when she disappeared he was the only one who didn’t just assume she killed herself. The moment he heard a rumor that a woman who sounded a lot like Syke was running around the Dominion territory he took off after her. (side note, the reunion between him and Nia isn’t as violent as her and Syke’s, its just bitter and cold and sad). He was never really all that loyal to the brotherhood, he was mostly in it for his family so when Syke explains the situation he’s just fucking ready man, ride or die. Fuck it lets go off the grid, tearing credit cards and shit if she’s out then he is. (She’s not actually out yet, leaving was never in the question for her. She desperately wants to get back to her famly she just wants her soul back first. He’s just supportive) and Syke is considerably happier to have him along then she was Nia (who while ostracized by her siblings, is still following along). He kinda creeps everyone out, cause on one hand he’s a perfectly cheerful friendly man. On the other hand he’s a necromancer assassin. It’s just an unsettling combination...It doesnt help that he aware hes creepy and finds unsettling people extremely fun.

So of course Senalana happens. She lets Raz live, so he is of course extremely mad. and thats a whole damn thing. It’s not to different from what happens in game, just imagine afterwards it’s more of a real argument rather then Raz just yelling at her, also its longer. And also imagine some more romantic tension between the player and Raz .LIke they aren’t really dating yet, but they've defiantly banged multiple times and theyre both lying about not having feelings for each other

She does have a good reason for letting him live outside of their growing romantic relationship. She doesn’t really believe in the dominion so much as she believes in Ayrenn and Razum-dar. She’s seen to much of the Dominion from the inside and out to really think well of it, but she knows Ayrenn. And she knows Raz. If someone has to be emperor/empress of her home she’d prefer it to be Ayrenn. However she is also convinced the Ayrenn won’t be able to do that without Raz specifically, Syke has seen them work together and at least from Sykes point of view if one loses the other then any hope the Dominion has of winning this war is fucked.

Anyway that whole argument ends up in a shouting match at the end of which Syke takes the circlet,disappears for a few weeks, hides it her own damn self and then continues on the main quest.

This is the main reason why it really took Raz and Syke so long to get together, if it weren’t for this they would have been together before Syke went back to coldharbor easy. This complicated things a bit, made them both think

Syke chooses Shazah as the Mane and was really torn up by Khali’s death. This only real difference between this and the canon quest is that she actually threatens Shazah towards the end of it, like full on knife to throat, right after watching Raz and Ayrenn die. Basically saying that if any of this comes to pass, Syke will hunt down the traitors first, then Shazah. And if it comes to it she’ll take the Ruby throne for herself (one of those moments that everyone remembers that she is a noble woman, even if she doesnt use the title. and also that no one but her really knows just how high up she is). Shazah asks her if she loves him. (him being Raz, she did just watch Syke sob over his body, then only tear up a little at Ayrenns corpse). Syke doesn’t Deny it, she doesn’t say anything. They just keep moving.

(Also Raz and the rest were being kept updated on what was happening during the whole ceremony and up until this point it was basically a mix of dark humor about their own deaths and sympathy for the girls having to go through it. At this point it goes dead quiet, eyes turn to Raz, and im not gonna extend this further by adding a pic of the surprised pikachu meme but in spirit its here and representing Raz’s face)

The main plot keeps on rolling till it’s time to storm cold harbor. She does go in alone though, despite her siblings insistence, she refuses to put them in danger of losing their souls to.

She has one final conversation with Raz before she goes, they admit nothing cause theyre stubborn bastards but they do apologize to each other

Cold Harbor: There’s really not much different here about how syke goes through it. The only things of note are that she’s terrified for the whole thing and also makes friends with a few of the other reoccurring characters, namely Darien, who i think shows up earlier then he actually does in game because he basically ends up her sidekick through the whole thing (though he might say otherwise). She is suitably distraught when he disappears. She helps out in the search for him whenever she can spare the time after that.

The Dlc start to happen about a year after the main quest (that year is when all the things like that mages and fighter guild happen). At this point her hair does keep going grey but once the stress of “I have no soul and i’m going to fight a god” goes away it slows down a lot. The worst of her scars are already covered by tattoos and her favorite piercings have already been replaced, so this point any additional piercings and tattoos are just for fun because she likes them.

as for the last 2 drawings,One is just her in game look,I thought it be fun to put in here. the other is just a reminder that she almost always wears a mask and that variations of this mask are the only thing most characters will ever see of her.

#my art #skooma rambles #Syke #eso #the vestige #Lordy this got long #im happy with it though #i might go even further into certain events later just becuase #this is so much fucking fun for me #also yeah apparently a part 3 for the dlc is coming

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afr0s3ntrik · 6 years

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“My brother is dead and I don’t know what life is anymore”

Today I read a tweet from a mutual friend that read: “My brother is dead and I don’t know what life is anymore. 22 years old. It’s not fair”

“22 years old. It’s not fair”. I remember saying those EXACT words when my sister died. “It’s not fair”.

I prayed to God. Begged Him to bring her back. Begged Him to take me instead. What understanding of death does a 9 year old have?

To be honest, I don’t know how I coped. My mum sent me to school the next day. Desperately tried to recover any scraps of normality that could be found.

They say grief has 5 stages. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

I remember the denial. Feeling like nothing was real. Feeling like it will all be fine and that it can’t be that bad. I recall saying “I feel better already” on that very same evening.

Anger has come and gone many times. I wanted to kill her hospital doctors. I’ve been angry at my mum for things I’ve found out about their relationship. I was angry at her for aborting her own child and taking away a tiny piece of her I could’ve still had with me.

Bargaining was a massive stage that stuck with me for 10 years consistently. “What if I didn’t let her leave on that day?” “What if I woke up and told mum that she’d gone to the hospital?”. “Is it my fault that she died?” The honest answer is we don’t know. As a medic, I’m aware that the SLE probably would have gotten worse. She had undergone an amputation so her quality of life would have been diminished. She would have been at risk of heart, respiratory and renal failure. She was tired all the time and unhappy with herself. She would have ended up depressed. I find comfort in the fact that maybe it was for the best? In a way, I can see now that I’m lucky to be able to think that. Losing someone for no good reason at all must be so painful. But maybe she could’ve gone into remission and lived a long and healthy lie. As I said, at the end of the day, we just do not know.

Depression was my clinical diagnosis at 17, although I remember having mild suicidal thoughts from 13. I used to self harm. I was suicidal. I walked myself to the train tracks once afterschool but I just could not do it. My sister was one of the main points of my therapy. I discovered that I was hung up on the idea that it could have been my fault and that life could have been much better if she was still here. That’s the thing about grief, it makes you think irrationally and you can’t see otherwise until it’s time to see otherwise. An objective opinion can really help. Therapy is not a quick fix, do not get me wrong. I had counselling at 12/13 because I was having visions of my sister in her coffin. It didn’t help because the grief process will take as long as it wants. You cannot hurry it.

10 years + on, I finally began to reach acceptance. I don’t know what changed, honestly. I just stopped living in the past. I cannot bring her back. She’s gone. I can only hope that she’s watching over me, proud of her little sister. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the pain goes away, it never goes away. It just feels less raw. Less red and angry. Less new. In a way, I miss the rawness of grief. I used to get a red, hot burning in my chest when I cried in grief. I could feel like I felt when it first happened. I haven’t felt that in a while and it makes me feel like I’m forgetting. I have vague memories of her voice. I can’t remember what her laugh sounded like. I’m afraid of forgetting everything.

Things definitely would have been different. But that does not mean that they would have been better, for either of us. Grief is a process and from the finish line, I can only wish the best for those at the start. I used to want to make grief go away. But now I’m grateful for grief. I realise that it’s a reminder of who she was. How she made me feel and what she meant to me. I am grateful for grief because I have accepted that I cannot change the past.

#griefjourney #griefsupport #griefrecovery

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

#talking abt being nervous abt it has made me a bit more nervous abt it...im trying to simmer down...dont have to die just yet...But You Know #also i could.

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zed-36 · 6 years

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i was thinking about this a lot, and normally i wouldnt go so hard on headcanons related to where characters live because usually its not relevant (or usually its established in canon) but WR/Acceleracers leaves a lot vague and with everything centering around driving and the fact a few locations have been named, i got curious thinking about where the drivers all came from mostly during World Race because Tezla really just went a chose good drivers from around the world- so many people probably didnt even live in the states.

so, im just gonna ramble about......locations, more so focused on the state of everyone in Acceleracers. considering i live in LA i felt pretty comfy thinking about the real life locations bc i actually know where those places are and ive come up with some pretty specific ideas based on my experience in socal.

It didnt come to mind at first but we’d have to assume all the Teku members and Metal Maniac members are in California-- simply because Vert lives in cali, and he seems to be able to conveniently go home from where they are based through the movie. i can only guess Tezla’s new base was just placed somewhere else in Arizona, maybe more towards Nevada? but yeah, that sets up the “boundary” i feel is logical. they are probably within socal, Nevada and Arizona. maybe a little for some characters norcal. thats not to say some of them didnt grow up somewhere else, though.

Teku guys first:

Vert, we obviously know lives near the beach in cali, and my first thought went to Ventura. Its not that far from LA and in Alec’s comic (issue 2) they are driving in LA in what i wanted to assume was on their way back to Tezla’s. i also feel they couldve been going for Long Beach but...i like Ventura more.

Kurt-- while i said everyone on Teku/MM is based in cali Kurt being in WR lets me assume he came from somewhere else and personally believe he lived in like... Chicago, or something. some sort of major city but probably not LA until he came out for WR and got to know Vert after. Though considering he was apparently in grand prix and did lots of racing before i imagine he likely traveled a lot. so id say he now just lives somewhere in LA- maybe like, west Hollywood coughs aka the gay place

Nolo+Tone i immediately felt for San Diego. i love it there and it always brings on such a good vibe- id say “chill” vibe but w how opposite Nolo is of chill for the whole series it wouldnt sound like it matches, but. ya know.

ok, this one is oddly specific. but Shirako? ok so Shirako always comes off like one of those kids id see in highschool who was like really into their own zone- their super specific interest they had no shame in but everyone kinda always thought he was weird? him and his music and his insanely chill attitude would kinda stick out- probably seems kinda cool but hes just so...like that but no one else is really like that. so i cant help but imagine he lives in a sort of town that isnt very big but small enough that someone like him stands out (my ideas as to why hes in Teku even tho hes so quiet and introverted anyways). idk what town id name but i cant help but think of where i live but smaller so like, the out skirting towns of LA.

At first i had imagined Karma living in northern california or in the middle but i suddenly realized she’d fit in Burbank pretty well, so im goin with that tbh.

Metal Maniacs now..... which were a bit tougher to figure out

Markie...bit of an interesting one because immediately i was like “this guy is not capable of functioning enough to have an apartment or house” mostly considering he was in prison. so i like to imagine Kurt gave him the chance to live with him, but bc Markie is Markie he didnt want to and secretly lives w idk, their grandparents who live in Malibu. (and probably doesnt tell anyone that bc its embarrassing and makes sure no one visits his house) EDIT: reading the comics that came out before the World Race movie, Markie’s comic shows a flashback taking place in New Jersey- he’s racing with Kurt. something i hadnt mentioned or gone over was his very obvious New York accent- which i realize they never mention in relation to Kurt who is his brother... its obvious we can consider Markie lived in New York long enough to get that accent but... why doesnt Kurt have it??? Mostly stating this to clear up my thoughts on Kurt’s location and Markie-- I’m imagining their parent split up and Kurt maybe moved out of state early in life? Who knows, Hot Wheels canon is a mess.

Tork i dont have much of an opinion on, but want to assume to he probably lives in San Diego, near Tone/Nolo. probably started a rivalry early on.

Porkchop...... took me a bit but i immediatly thought about the most country city/town i know which is Newhall. however i would assume he came from somewhere else and it would have to be Arizona- not sure where exactly.

Monkey. i dont have much to say on him either but probably Arizona, he knows Porkchop so they likely knew each other for a long time and moved to cali over time for whatever reasons.

Taro is actually a tough one for me to pin down. i feel like Taro is so good he simply Exists. ok but for real somewhere in downtown LA or maybe somewhere in Hollywood bc i feel like Taro and Kurt both kinda fit those vibes. (always kinda liked to imagine theyre good friends outside of their teams and wanted to live in the same general place)

after all this though the question may be “how do they all know each other? how would they meet if they dont like in the same place??” car meet ups are a thing in many places but they are definitely a thing in socal/LA. mostly modded street racing car meets. my best headcanon is they all met through going to meets and becoming friends and eventually grouping up and forming rivalries.

#these are pretty specific but im curious if anyone has opinions as well #talks #this is so long oops #acceleracers #hot wheels acceleracers #hot wheels world race #ref #headcanon

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timesababy · 4 years

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It's not enough. It's not enough and it never will be enough and I'M not enough and I never will be enough and I never was enough and I honestly would've been better off dying as a child, maybe it wouldve fallen into place nicer... like honestly I'm not good enough and I never was and I never will be, so like... why are we wasting resources on me again? I'm ugly, always was. I suck at everything always did.

And there I am crying because all I do is fail. Do you have any idea how painful it is to realize that you are trying to do something you are simply not smart enough to do? And that this stuff is the STANDARD??? like... you're supposed to be able to but you sit there and realize that you're worthless?

It fucking hurts and to know you're useless and can't do ANYTHING right, it hurts and I think I should be allowed to cry about it without being told I'm doing THAT wrong too.... fuck you man.

Like why do my parents get ANGRY when they see me cry??? Shouldnt your natural reaction as a parent be... idk, wanting to help the kid??? But hey, you stopped seeing me as a kid when I was like 10 years old.

I wasn't fucking ready for all that, I really wasn't, I forgot who I was trying to be like you and liked by you and I wasnt ready to grow up and jesus christ that was PAINFUL. I'll never get over the whole ordeal.

It's so fucked up though, that you look at me and see a fully grown man that you can just yell at and be cruel to, who should be expected to simply take it, who should be stronger than this. Because that is exactly what I am not. I'm 15, a teenager... minus the years of healthy development lost to being forced to grow up too fast, lost to being forced to pretend to be someone else, lost to sadness... who knows how old I REALLY am??? Could be 9, could be 7. Either way, its NOT 15. And even if you see it as 15, hard stop,.... ,, then why do you treat me like an adult??? Jesus christ. Like i'm sorry for not being fucking perfect, jesus christ man I didn't get the life I wanted like some of yall who get born and have it all with your STUPID fucking.... stupid fucking... perfection. I'm not one of you and I never could be and it feels so bad because that's all I ever fucking wanted, was to be one of you. I still want that in some weird, warped, twisted sense, the way you see photos of your child self and get emotional and cry but also the way you see photos of OTHER PEOPLE as kids and their perfection and want to light ANOTHER bible on fire because fuck it's just not fair!!!!!

But what I want above all is straight up impossible. I want to be the boy I was yesterday. The one who picked out a blue and grey BOYS SECTION shirt from old navy and a pair of BOYS SECTION jeans, the boy who fought to have it be FROM THE BOYS SECTION... the boy who looked at himself in the mirror in his baggy jeans with confidence, thinking to himself that he would have no problem adjusting to a new school. That it would be easy to make friends. That people would like him.... understand him... that he could rebuild some sort of community here, that he would have a long list of people to invite to his birthday in November.

That's who I want to be. Jesus fuckin christ, the boy I was yesterday, before all of these relationship messes with manipulative girls and creepy old dudes, before denouncing my religion, before trying to wear tight clothes because I was told baggy ones made me look fat and ugly, before I changed the way I smiled, before I started to get called a faggot or satanist in the hallways, before the rumours about me spread, before I started to skip classes to cry, holy shit, before I started wanting to self mutilate, before I started ACTUALLY SELF MUTILATING, before all of the pain and suffering and humiliation that hit right after I switched schools.

Jesus christ, imagine how things couldve been had a few little details been slightly different. Had I not switched schools, had I had a support system or some shit that was fr reliable and helpful, had I been not LGBT, like wow, so many little details that made middle school suck.

And like... what happened to me was honestly so fucked. I was 9 or 10, I was a fucking child. Like... of fucking course the first thing that had to happen was Thaat Whole Ordeal. Then I had to change who I was.

Now? Now I am so messed up with identity that I don't really know if I'm still 9 or ten years old or if I'm... 15. Like... I don't know if I'm trying to be the person I didnt get to be when I was young, honestly even younger than 9 it was an issue... or if I'm just normal.

Is it even possible to be "just normal" when all you've ever known is to fight to not repress who you are?? Fuck man, the repression and the inability to deal with a kid who was... different... is what fucked me up.

Even before middle school if a GOOD PSYCHOLOGIST (those school counselors RUINED my trust in counsellors) or even just a calm empathetic adult had LISTENED to me I think half my problems would be gone and maybe I could stop FUCKING CRYINF.

Man, it's almost like you failed. Its almsot like you threw your son to the wolves the moment you had a daughter.

And fuck me for being so jealous but it's TRUE... shes better than me in every way. No wonder she doesnt get yelled at as much as I do.

I wonder what things would be like if you hadn't failed me...

OMFG WAIT A MINUTE IF YOU HAD SIMPLY BEEN BETTER PARENTS MAYBE THE WHOLE OLD MAN EX THING WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED !!!!?!?! I'm not blaming anyone because I only have myself to blame... and him... but... who instilled these bad behaviors in me to begin with??? Wow, its almost like all my problems have one root.

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whaile · 7 years

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what the fuck so if the phantom was like 40 when raoul & christine were what, 16? 20? and then when raoul is fuckin. 70? 80? im supposed to believe the phantom is still alive? what the fuck that would make him like, Probably over 100. what the fuck

i cant get over the phantom like. god this guy has the worst case of 'nice guy' syndrome ive ever seen. im just imagining all the fans who romanticize the shit out of this melodramatic man-baby nutcase. like I Get It, he had some Childhood Trauma and a Fucked Up Face, but he's still gotta hold himself accountable for his damn actions. goddamn. like fuck man. he had talent and genius and clearly learned a lot of skills living in the opera house all these years like, he couldve gone somewhere if he hadn't been such a psycho manbaby! he couldve been a great costume designer or singing coach or any number of things, he couldve been the friendly neighborhood stagehand who happened to have a fucked up face, but NOOOO!! instead he had to go and murder people, creep on a little girl, and burn down the damn theater. guy's got ISSUES

and where does he get the materials for the melodramatic stunts he pulls anyway? im just imagining this guy like, going to the marketplace to buy fuckin. red roses and black ribbons and fuckin sculpey to make all his stupid masks. like he's just sitting in the basement of the operahouse maticulously sewing all these elaborate costumes for the purpose of fucking shit up when he could be putting that time and energy into something constructive!!

and Buddy!!! acting like a creep isnt gonna make anybody wanna be around you!!! if you wanna be Not Treated Like A Monster, maybe you should try Not Acting Like A Monster! jesus h christ dude your face isnt THAT fucked up. no one's face is fucked up enough to justify that sort of behavior. i once knew a guy with no nose, he literally had a hole where his nose should be, but that didnt stop him from being friendly and decent in public!

anyway howd the fucken ring get there. i need to KNOW. is the phantom still alive– and STILL pining over christine? did he fuckin, have a kid and teach the kid to also be melodramatic and creepy? do i even WANT to know? i probably dont!! im just fucken glad christine got away from this asshole and led a normal-ass life. jesus. get over yourself, phantom. Get A Life

anyway tl;dr the phantom of the opera should have sought therapy instead of channeling his angst into..... That

#shh #guess who just saw phantom of the opera for the first time #it was very pretty and well-made but holy shit #long post/

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sweetlifetownsville · 5 years

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Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

. The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. And if you like the blog, you can show your appreciation with some sorely needed financial support, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hard-going-getting-on-top-of-the-hill-the-mayors-magnificent-mount-louisa-make-over-might-stumble-at-the-first-jump/

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