#its weird i guess i never thought about that . im just always like yea i wrote it cause of harrell i never think abt the fact that like.

[doctorwhoisadhd]

tommy england

HES LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY HE DOESNT DO MUCH. ALL HE GOT WAS JOKE LORE ABOUT BEING A TEABOO WHICH IS FUNNY BUT LIKE HE DIDNT EVEN GET TEAM DYNAMICS.

soemtimes im like damn i need to amke more Thomas England content cause if i dont Literally No One Else Will and then i remember i literally Did Write An Wntire Song About It

[strid3rboy]

i was planning to wait until the end of stridercestweek to say shit but all it took was a prompt i didnt wanna do for me to burry that idea. anyway

this blog is extremely and entirely gross, age gaps are gross and pedophilia is gross, even fictional, and thats what drives people to that kind of fiction obviously, they get to be gross little squeaky teenagers in their bedroom blasting "I Ship It" screaming twincest can't really be that bad

but as much as i enjoy some ships, and as far as i wanna go to support my friends who engage in the "proshipper activities" i can't say im not.. disgusted with myself? like seriously. i thought i was above it, above the feeling of being uncomfortable. And that was my mistake, youre never above anything, youre a child who wants to feel above emotions to be different and or respected.

I always secretly enjoyed unconventional ships, i kept it to myself like the "am i gay" quizzes i took and the multiple searches of boys kissing boys on my old tablet. It was secret, something to be enjoyed when by myself outside of others judgement or acknowledgement of its existence. occasionally i would find a piece of art or writting that was so disgusting even i couldn't keep it down, in those cases i scrolled past and pretended my facade hadnt just been questioned. But the disgust i feel is only getting stronger and is now accompanied byy.. shame guilt and. puking.

the moral compass in my brain is telling me to stop this bullshit and the part of me that cares for MY wellbeing agrees because. honestly. its making me feel more bad than good these days. i see drawings of bro strider and i gag. do you know how embarrassing that is? to be so disgusted with pixels on a screen that you slip into a panic attack?

i thought shipping and letting myself ship was a healthy coping mechanism to the shit i endured as a 10 year old ( THX Xavier ) i thought that looking at the things that happened to me, but from an outside perspective, and in control of it, was making me feel better but it didn't or no longer does i guess.

outside of how it makes me feel uncomfortable, theres also the social aspect of it which. is basically the constant fear that my friends and family will find out about this disgusting shit i do and cut me off their lives. im under constant stress that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE will recognize SOMETHING i do and call me out and ill be helpless to defend myself because by then im deemed a creepy monster. i dont think i am one i dont want to BE one. im a teenager for christs sake i just enjoy strilondes from time to time.

yea all that weird monologuing i did just now like i was doing some amazing reveal is to say that. im not really sure if i wanna continue with this account. i know i like drawing this stuff, and i know i like interacting with my friends who draw this stuff. and its the only reason i even write fanfiction, but i need to step back a bit from it if i want to be healthy about it. and i probably need to block the bro strider tag.

[spoiledlemonsbiggestfan]

SORRY I DISAPPEARED

Hello there! It has been way too long since i updated you guys on how i've been doing, and i've probably only got myself to blame on this one. But i have FANtastic news to share! (get it? Cus i'm fan? Genious, i know.) I finally managed to get a job! And a decent one this time, no more cleaning mediocre school halls for me! (Horrayyy!)

So this entire hiatus hasnt been for nothing, i've been very hard at work finally being able to persue the thing i love the most, writting! Now i can officially call myself a journalist instead of an amature blogger. The self-improvement sure is real, love to see it. Sadly, I am constantly restricted from putting my heart and soul onto the paper in favor of transmitting what could be classified as useless information to whoever is bored enough to watch the news. And that constant restrain has made me miss the days of the good ol' Fan blog, so i guess you could say that's the reason i'm here. I've missed writting whatever i want to without the need to always double or triple check my work, its fun to not worry if every single word i type fits into my current streams of thought and stuff like that. But you don't wanna hear about all of that do you? You wanna hear about the funny stories! The authentic work experience i have gained! Atleast i hope so, because if not then youre probably in the wrong blog. But if that IS what you came here for, bluckle up bukaroo because im about to tell all about the working woes and friendly foes!

First off the job aplication process was VERY off-putting, my 2 future bosses took care of the interview and they asked... odd questions. They were also always a little too...rude. But thats ok! Nothing that i havent already handled. On the job i have met some interesting personalities such as suitcase! (I was given permission to state her name, duh) suitcase is very kind and funny, but she also has social anxiety, which is weird considering she is one of the few reporters we have, the type that usually goes out, interviews others and deals with harsh weather conditions for some reason. Suitcase is always busy going from one place to another so she can grab the needed fotage, and since im normally the one who writtes her scripts, i get to go with her sometimes! The news channel utilises this totally not ominous and cramped mini-van to cary all of the needed equipment and people. Surprisingly enough, my supervisor is the one who drives the van! She's quite chill, her voice is so smooth that i have to stop myself from yawning when i'm around her. Dont get on her bad side though, i once saw her almost yell at our make-up artist. Speaking of that, they both have some weird relationship going on, i genuinely have no idea if they are friends or enemies and at this point i am too scared to ask suitcase about it.

Working there is pretty chill, i tecnically dont need to phisically be there but hey, a bit more of social interaction wouldnt hurt. Besides, i wouldnt have met suitcase if i only sent my scripts via e-mail! So its a win-win! What else do i have to say abt work? Hmmm.... oh yea! I have a funny story to share!

On my first few days, suitcase told me that the make-up artist was an extreme chatter-box that preferably likes to "spill the tea" on everyone. But if you've been following this blog for a while now, you'd know that im not really good with understanding these types of frases, so for the longest time i thought that this guy actually spilled tea on people on porpose. (he looks really refined, so i just assumed he would be the kind of guy to like tea) So i, being extremelly cautious to not get tea on my lovely red paper, avoided him for like 5 days straight! He eventually caught on and complained to suitcase about it, she then told me so, and i explained my conundrum to her. After she explained what the frase actually meant, we couldnt stop laughting! I never actually apologised to the guy, i sure hope he doesnt hold grudges!

[girlboyzone]

ok ive finished :) and i do have thoughts. area unknown has been really special. its a rare bird in terms of minecraft content and theres just so many important stories being told there. the way it relates to the wider sunship canon or whatever its called is amazing, and the otehr ppls content like oli's dedicated grinding, moonzy's beautiful buildings or graaavel's awesome lore (HIS LORE VIDEO WAS SO GOOD. IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. THE MUSIC????? YEA), was all so amazing to witness.

BUT i do have some criticisms if you dont mind me sharing. none of it is with ill intent and i understand why the decisions that were made happened but i still think its worth pointing out.

im disappointed with how aimsey and scott's arc was left off, because i dont think it reached a satisfying conclusion at all and the loose threads they left didn't feel like a culmination of their relationship. aimsey and scott's conversations are some of my favourite parts of the lore because their relationship is so, SO interesting and really worth exploring. so ending it by saying "scott just got bored and went back to hell" was not a good move i feel. i really wanted to see something more there.

guqqie does touch on hera's influence when she discovers the grave but to be honest i dont understand why she was allowed to get married to aimsey and have a happy ending. hera has made a point of dooming them in every single universe and she just loves torturing her little experiment, and her influence has continued into season two with egging aimsey and oli on with the lab, so i really don't understand why guqqie was able to seperate herself from this and later get married when that has never been allowed before

i guess that everything was intentionally left pretty open ended so things could change in future, guqqie did say she'd write something up later this week which could give answers to what i mentioned above. and who knows, maybe in the years guqqie and aimsey were split hera could have been defeated in some way. maybe guqqie went back and confronted her or something idk. i would really like to see something like that though. and of course that open-endedness leaves room for aimsey and scott to do something which would also be great. but yeah those are my less great thoughts about the finale. but do not be fooled just because it wasnt absolutely perfect didnt mean i didnt enjoy it/think it was bad

FORTUNATELY it has given me a great window to start working on that au because i really want to develop scott and aimseys arc, explore aimsey's feelings as a demon and the horror that comes with that, and his relationship to hera because the one time they interacted always gives me chills. so i think the finale was flawed but thats ok because now i can go in and do awesome stuff with my own ideas for a bad ending. because i like hera cannot let the characters rest. ineed to be stopped hehehe

but yeah apart from that i did really enjoy the finale. it did feel like area unknown. the party, never have i ever, michela being hilarious and caitees being weird, and of course heartbreaking sunship lore. it genuinely gave me the same warm feeling as when i was watching through all those vods from 2022 when they were just messing around or screaming at each other in the rain. area unknown needed to end. no one seemed to want or have the time/inspiration/motivation to do stuff on it anymore, and the characters needed a conclusion and to be let go so they could just be in their own right. i'm glad that its done. it was really special. i cant wait to see what everyone does next :3

i agree heavily on the scott and aimsey topic, i wish we could’ve gotten more development of their relationship or seen scott in s2 bc there was a psrt of his house i think somewhere and then he was never mentioned again iirc, but they were probably both too busy or something to do anything which is ok i’ll just make it up in my head :3

and i hope there is a bit more of something w hera and auguqqies whole thing and how hera allowed ausunship to get married, or how all that went. i’m just really curious

anyways love u sneef thank u for liveasking to me this has been very fun :333 <3 im rlly glad u liked area unknown!!!!!!!

[another-dra-anew]

tomoritomoritomroitomo- -iris

tototototomori!

-My identity hc for them

canonically sapphic! i think that. currently she’s just waiting to see what experiences she has and where life takes her, she doesn’t want to try and come to a decision on how she feels about non-platonic relationships with guys. she’s content with calling herself sapphic, maybe she’ll change her label one day, maybe not <3. 

+canonically a trans girl! i think she kinda switched between using trans fem and saying she’s a trans girl. depends on the day depends on the vibe!!! not really a identity note this is about presentation. but i think sheeee’s… not really happy with her hair length rn and is considering chopping it short, but she wants to grow it out, and knows if she chops it now she’ll have to deal with growing it again. she’d be happy with short hair, but then she’d miss having long hair. tbh i can see her growing her hair out to donate? but yeah. she doesn’t like the growing out stage v much

- Thoughts on their home life/family

hmm. what’s something that doesn’t get covered in ftes… i think she really likes her maternal grandparents and would like to see them more, but she knows spontaneous visits aren’t really something that either her household, or theirs, can really pull off. she’d call more but she feels weird doing that without much reason.

- How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

!! i like how i write her! i think… any concerns i have are moreso with like. how my writing of her comes across? but that’s another thing where i just have to step back and remind myself that anyone who judges the way the kids are shown now, when we’re only partway through the story, and no one’s ftes are finished, is silly, and that includes me. it’d be silly of me to judge my writing when i haven’t even been able to show all the parts of the kids characterization!

- The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

tomoris my perfect wish fulfillment girl i suppose? i dunno i guess everything i want to say about her gets said…. uhhh? yk everything i’m thinking of is like. smthn that gets mentioned at some point. hm. 

- My number one favorite ship for them

i like her and maki, iii. honestly just like them a lot as friends? and im a huge fan of friends to lovers so. yeah!!! :]. this doesn’t always come across in canon tho ik. not that they ever come across as like. enemies but maki is vv closed off in the game, so. yea. non despair tho, they get along well!

- …Now everyone else i ship with them

she has a lot of hands! i like her and kurokawa a lot tho <3. i don’t think tomoris a huge fan of spooky stuff but tbh i think kurokawas videos and the like would be very comforting? and i think kurokawa is a lil >////< @ tomori. goes from thinking tomoris pretty -> really liking her personality and how she interacts with people (while thinking tomori is pretty). 

- The thing i will NEVER ship

…? i can’t think of anything anyone would ship which i’d be against? ???

- a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

id like to chat more about her and iranami! specifically in non despair. i think she’d like to try and tug iranami into helping her with cheer practice so iranami can kinda. recontextualize her flexibility/tumbling skills.

- thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

i don’t want to talk about it. (<- i need to redesign her. so bad. but i keep redesigning her…)…… go away now please i need to cry.

- A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

OKAY SHE HAS A PLAYLIST. ITS OUTDATED BUT IT EXISTS- oh. mekaru had one too. uh. anyways.

all the songs are more so ones that i think she’d vibe too? hmmm. yk fuck it. have a screenshot of her playlist pls keep in mind most of these r from like… 2020. songs i think she’d vibe to!

[mach1ne-g1rl]

Saw your most recent post on dhmis and tma and I've got opinions to say I believe Computers is an Eye episode because Colin's whole deal is stealing personal info and being smart but its not my strongest I see Jobs as a buried because while it doesn't involve much claustrophobia its more about harmful workplaces and overworking which ties in with the buried in a symbolic sense. I will argue so strongly Death is an End episode. The End is LITERALLY the fear of death smh. While I can see the argument its a Stranger because of Stain Edwards the theme of death is so strong that it isn't that relevant. I see Family as both Stranger and Corruption, Stranger because the whole episode feels very uncanny with the design of the family and set being a "real" place. It's also Corruption because the episode is about toxic family relations. I still cannot believe how you thought Friendship was originally a Vast episode. While I can see why you would assign it Lonely it's clearly a Corruption, it's literally about toxic friendships. Also bugs. Tbh i don't know what to assign to Transport my closest guess is Vast but my argument isn't very strong Electricity is a hard one, I don't think i can assign it to one entity. I think Electracey is a Extinction avatar because she's a robot and the "everything in the home will be plugged in and part of the electric family" line. I could see Charged Yellow being either Eye, Stranger or Extinction. Eye because he's want to find the truth and also green eyes, Stranger because Yellow gets replaced, and Extinction because he gets replaced using specifically technology. The power outage is probably Dark because darkness. Lesley is a Web avatar, I will fight you on this. She's controlling them, she's the literal puppet master. You said that Lesley isn't the main one pulling the string making her less Web aligned but I would argue that makes her MORE web aligned because she's knows she's not fully in control. I interpret becoming a web avatar as not only being manipulative, but accepting your lack of free will. As Annabelle said in 147, "let it never be said that I do not dance the steps I am assigned." Sorry this is long and probably sounds a little rude i just have very strong opinions on tma and dhmis have a lovely day

COmputer being eye was also on my first post but i removed it bc i didnt think it was part of the big Fear factor ? but the way you phrased it does make it work

jobs being buried makes sense too !! my main reason for it being spiral is just Duck calling everything out and then Also going weird ? and then going back to "this is all wrong" very strongly (also the episode is reminiscent of Sculptor's Tool to me with only duck pointing out how this is Odd)

death SHOULD be end ur right , i just didnt think anyone in dhmis seemed very scared of the Death there ? so i thought it wasnt very important but Yeah when you mention it its definitely end ty (Or desolation bc it also feels like . theyre more focused on the grief of losing someone n not the Fear of Death ? if that makes sense=? but i dont rly get the End and Desolation anyway so)

CORRUPTION FOR FAMILY IS SO RIGHT i think i considered corruption for it at one point but i second guessed myself enough to remove it again . and stranger never reallly seemed correct to me but it was the closest and i had no one to discuss with so i ran with it:sob:

IM SORRYY LSITEN OK i hadnt listened to tma in full when i made the first list. i just read the entities wiki page and heard season 5 ..!!!! honestly idk if i agree with corruption bc , while thats probably the deeper meaning of the episode (toxic friends) warren always seemed like just an autistic asshole to me so i never saw the whole . toxic thing ? and he never really actually seemed friends with any of them ?? yea taking advantage of their kindness but i wouldnt call it a toxic relationship bc there never Was a Relationship to me (probably factually wrong n im being ignorant here but its my list and blehh :P im biased towards warren) and im probably just forgetting something bc i havent rewatched it in a while but are there bugs besides warren (are worms bugs)?

transport i assigned Web bc red guy being like . aware of the whole They're Trapped There thing and trying to escape and Lonely bc they're trying to get to other people/ civilization/ community but are just . stuck ? and in some episodes the lonely just takes ppl to endless places that they cant leave (cul-de-sac is the only one i remember) and it just (again) reminded me of that

ELECTRICITY /SHOULLD/ be more than 1 or 2 very true but i just Really hate assigning more than 2 to these idk why ive set that rule for myself but it just feels wrong, disorderly and i dont like it . but yes i can see electracey being extinction (tbh i feel like teachers being avatars/ assinging them patrons/fears could be a whole other list itself) Charged Yellow being stranger i disagree. yes hes replaced but it feels more like . if s1 jon got replaced by s5 jon ? does that make sense ? I HAD DARK For this episode too bc the power outage but it didnt feel like a big fear factor here ? and i just didnt think it was significant enough (the dumb self-imposed rule) Lesley IS web coded i completely forgot annabelle for a second when i made this :sob: ive had too much michael on my mind and i thought being trapped wasnt enough of a theme here ? not like it was in Transport or like Dreams but yea it definitely should be Web

IM GLAD this is long i like hearing other ppls thoughts and input on this silly stuff (it did sound a little rude at times but dw i get it) I think at the end of the day the way we judge these is just Very different? Unless you disagree, i dont think the web series is this "up for debate" as the tv show is bc it just has . Less. There's maybe 3 lines at the start, then the teacher comes in and starts singing about what they embody, then the horrors and the end (only the last 3 episodes rly made me question which Power would be associated with them bc it kinda follows a plot so they could all a little be taken as web and lonely with red guy?) Theres just so many more ways the TV show can be interpreted. These could be judged on the Teacher, the Lesson, the thing that scares the characters, the thing that scares the Audience, symbolism/manifestations, etc. (i think i just went with whatever seemed the most relevant to me / what scared the characters ? but i was also being pretty inconsistent there lmao) i feel like there would probably have to be multiple lists or just one BIG list of everything that could count as one of the entities ? or maybe im blowing this out of proportion and its really simple for you, and only i struggled with this :,) either way it was fun ! and i think thats all that matters maybe the real dhmis tma entities assigning list were the friends we made along the way aww

[magnoliamyrrh]

Thank you for talking about all this even through it's uncomfortable. I'm from the Balkans too and I went through some similar things, but I did not know it was such a common experience until I read the other anons and your experiences. I have never really told anyone about it and I still have hard time knowing how to feel, but I think what my Aunt did technically count as being molested? When I was still rather young she would "play" with me down there often and it would always feel overwhelming and too much. It has always made me feel odd looking back at it, and it disturb me to realize that she probably made me orgasm, but because it was not forced or painful and she was nice and because it was normalized for family to grope and sexualize in general I never complained or knew it was wrong and I have never known if it counts as actually being abused or not. But I guess... I am starting to realize that was not really normal

hey <3 yea, of course. i think its helpful to talk abt this shit for once, this culture of silence and shame and normalization doesnt seem to have rly helped any of us. thank you for sending this too

no its.. its definitely not normal, and im sorry you went through any of this anon <3 v much sending u a hug. we have just... for sure normalized a certain level and kind of pedophilia and incest in the balkans, particularly with young children, and its... really fucking weird. i totally get what you mean, i grew up w a v similar thing for years, and its v confusing and conflicting to grow up and realize it.. wasnt ok..this whole thing w messing around w little kids like that in the open and noone seeming to have any issue w it whatsoever bc they find it cute or endearing or playful or harmless or whatever the hell is just. really fucking weird. really weird. i still have a rather hard time trying to wrap my head around it bc i just.... really don't fucking get it ?? ive never been around a kid and thought oh yea hey you know what would be cute. doing that. and yet somehow this was just. fine???

and i know what you mean. often when you think of abuse or csa you think of something that is traumatic and violent and forced and leaves you feeling scared and violated and... its real odd when its not like that, and when it was just kinda a normalized thing that didnt necessarly seem bad or unpleasant or unwanted or traumatizing in the usual sense, tho personally i do think it definitely fucked me up. i think it makes it harder to know how the hell to feel about it, or how to feel about these people frankly.... i really dont know what to make of them. is this pedophilic behavior? yes...? do i think theyre pedophiles......???? yes? no? both? i have no idea, it doesnt seem like the sort of thing they do to get themselves off but rather bc its just.. normal to them and a normal way to show affection even though it is most fucking definitely not, and its definitely abusive. ..... I don't know. it really is all such a confusing entangeled mess, and I still cant believe weve somehow reached the point culturally where this stuff is just so normalized. im sorry again that uve been through this too anon im wishing u all the best and may you find some peace with all of this <3

[cepheusgalaxy]

I... something's weird

My mom started using the pronouns I asked her to a while ago... and it doesn't feel right? Like, probably it is because I'm not that used to it so I need a period of adaptation... but what if it's not? Like, my disphoria did't come that much from pronouns but I still don't wanna use she/her... or do I? Do I really wanna use he/him or I'm just going along with the "boy = he/him" logic??? I've tried they/them some times too... but it felt so bad. But thinking of it now, it may be becaude I always heard it with sarcasm? As a joke. As an insult. I also love my mom, and I know she's trying to help... but she keeps reminding me that its hard to keep up when I change pronouns and it makes me feel guilty... I've kept he/him for now because I thought that's what I wanted? But I'm not sure anymore. And regarding my name... I know I've chosen Heron but is it really the right one? Like... I didn't mind it much but lately i've been feeling so annoyed at it... It's a fine name and I liked it even but not anymore. I guess that's normal? I kind of hate it when certain people use it. And i like these people, a lot. But then theres my dad... He calls me by this name with such affection and I don't feel uncorfotable at all. Every time he calls me I think of that. Should I really change my name at all? I don't wanna hear that hesitation my mom has when she calls me a he. I still like it when my dad calls me by my birthname. Should I change names and have just him call me by that? Should I give up on Heron? Maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about that. I only figured that I was trans a few months ago... it hasn't even been a year. People take a lot of time to figure out that. But I don't wanna wait.

I know I'm trans, but am I in the way I thought I was? I usually have a first thought regarding a thing but then I dismiss it. And all the time I end up coming to that same first conclusion. When I first started questioning I went with lots of "complex" nonbinary genders, what if I was right? Maybe I'm more genderfucked than I first thought.

But I guess I'm afraid too. I'm afraid of labelling myself and exploring because people won't get it. And I know I shouldn't be tinking about anyone but ME when it comes to that but I can't... I'm not exactly out in school. Some of my friends know I have something going on and i "look" kinda queer but I just left things with a "yea im a little bit gay maybe" and I can't help but think that if I label myself with a weird gender nobody will get it and ill just feel even more misunderstood.

I know I'm masc. But how much?

Where does my disphoria comes from? Where does my euphoria comes from? I wish I had the answers and why is it so hard to choose a name

Perhaps I should go with something longer. I also kinda like "international" names. Maybe something with 'a'? To match my birthname. I still like it. Even tho I hate it.

Avalon? Idk what kind of name is this but it sounds great. Amy? Amelie? Is it fine by me if I go by a gendered name? Why is it so hard?

I wish I knew more people like me. Personally. I just feel so lonely. I like to be alone a lot of the time but sometimes I just feel like im never with anyone that gets it. Sometimes I feel like im kind of a bad friend because--along other reasons (im terrible at comforting people or helping when theyre upset...)--sometimes i don't really wanna hang out with them because we barely share any interests. I have this one friend i love to hang out wit because we share the same passions and can do nothing or anythimg together but with my other friends-i like them sm but we don't really connect. They keep saying im gifted or somethinf cuz i can draw, they never shut up about how im oh-so great with art and i do a doodle and theyre like "OH wow what a masterpiece" and im doing an illustration for the sake of it, to feel good for making art, to make my world a little prettier with the colors i chose, decorating my homework or whatever and they all "woah you didn't have to humiliate us" every time! Its annoying! I hate it! We don't share anything, they like doing things that are not completely my thing-i mostly do them for the sake of hanging out with them because i always have such a great time-they have lifes completely different from mine and available at different times. Do you know that "you didn't really have a childhood if you didn't do x or y" meme? I HATE it. Cuz i didn't do x or y. It makes me feel so dismissed. So different. And most of my friends DID do x and y so i don't share that with them. I'm just so tired of being different all the time. I wish I was surrounded by more people like me. Maybe this will sound really gen z but idk what i'd do without social media. I'd prob feel even worse.

And my friends have struggles so different from mine. They don't have nice homes. They had such a troubled childhood. They had different joys too. They had sleepovers, childhood friends they grew up close to and still are close friends to this day and are so comfortable around each other and always went to the same school. I didn't really have this kind of friend because my mom didn't know in what school to put me at the time so i never stayed in one school for more than one year. My most was 2. And they're all cishet. They're all allo-i mean, exept from one. And i am so afraid for her. She goes around using she/her, once she told she'd like to go by he/him, we talked about gender sometimes and we saw that she liked the bigender label but her family is super religious and her therapist is also from her church and does "spiritual healing as well as mental" and she said she was over being bi because christians shouldn' be bi and--anyways i... and i don't know how to help my friends and they have so many problems and they don't know how to help me and i don't really talk about my problems with them and i don't know if i trust then enough to... share it all and i just wish i had more queer friends and people who understood me because i always feel so unseen ;( and lonely. And miserable.

And my mom-i just, and my dad, they are divorced but they keep bringing each other up and long story short theyre driving ne crazy they don't like each other but they can never get along and they keep dragging me and my siblings to their long ENDLESS conversations about the other one and im SO DONE I JUST WISH THEY COULD IGNORE EACH OTHER AND COLABORATE

And were traveling-my siblings me and my mom and everytime we do she always plans out everything but she doesnt really gives us freedom to have free chill time when we're there because everything is just so tightly scheduled planned and thats something really minor but i really need free chill MY tine EVERY DAY to recharge, even if it is from fun, to write, draw, read, do whatever i want-and me and my mom have ideas of fun so different and UGH

And she keeps calling me he and she is technically being supportive and avoiding misgendering me but WHY DO I FEEL SO UNCONFORTABLE?? And i shouldn't be mad at her because she is technically doing the right thing but :( i need to figure things out for myelf, find a support group because I REALLY need to surround with my kind and then tell her how it turns out for me.

I just-it's so hard being fourteen, when will this stop?

[clowningaroundmars]

some thoughts on galaxy z flip4 as a lifelong iphone user:

pros

• CUSTOMIZATION. its literally the 1st thing i absolutely love about this phone and androids in general, the FREEEDDOOOOMM!!!! i can really make this phone MINE

• the STORAGE wow. i never had any iphone with more than 64GB of storage and that shit ran out QUICK usually. iphone storage is usually trash and for what? im not downloading themes and shit like i am on my flip4! but here i am downloading shit left n right and my flip4 is handling it all like a champ, only 40GB used out of 128 rn

• my flip4 is so much more efficient and helpful than any of my iphones. reminders actually have me remembering shit thanks to there not being any "dismiss" buttons (my phone actually holds me accountable omg), if im lost and need to find something specific in my phone i can just use the amazing search functions baked into p much every app, and if i mess up and go into the wrong settings theres always a helpful suggestion at the bottom every time :)

• also the edge panel and the fact that you can add so many shortcuts on different parts of ur phone is baller. really saves a lot of time

• the fact that samsung itself encourages customization, has apps specifically designed to help you further tweak your phone to your tastes, AND has a community app right there pre-downloaded to talk to other samsung users and employees blows my entire mind. apple could NEVER

cons

• the battery 😅 i wasnt buying this phone blind, so i read and watched lots of reviews and... yea they werent kidding when they said the battery is a bit lacking. which is fine, this phone's battery is smaller than other phones so thats understandable. the phone has to flip shut and fit a lot in its thin body after all, and samsung made up for this by making the battery charge back up pretty quickly

• the glitches. nothing phone-breaking so far but the themes occasionally glitching out with some updates is a lil bit weird to me. apple is a control freak for sure and doesnt let users do much of anything but things on the iphone are usually... consistent

• the connectivity. i guess im still not used to android but i also heard other flip4 users complain that sometimes the connection was being weird despite being fully connected to stable internet. also sometimes some apps wont connect to wifi but others will? idk bruh its frustrating sometimes

• the ADS :( i know android is owned by google and theyre doing a whole crackdown on adblockers (stupid af) but goddamn. adblocking being more effective on my iphone than my android is smthn i def did not expect 💀 im sure ill eventually find a way around it tho

[roaringheat]

Im reading "aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe" rn and it was giving me very very gay vibes but i didn't want to be that person and say they're gay just cause they care about eachother and honestly im a dumb ass cause when i say this shit is gay its g a y. and i haven't gotten to the point where its confirmed but i kinda just saw a post now that confirmed it and im wheezing fucc i could gush about this book for ages and not even only about the gay shit. but im fuccing dying cause like i only started reading this cause my english teacher had us go to the bookcase she has in the back and choose a book to read and she has a lot of books like this that usually have the main character deal with race or sexuality issues. I first chose out this other gay book which is awesome too but i forgot to bring it like 2 days later and it happened to be a day where we just read the entire day. So she walks over is all "Oh Dani did you forget your book?" and i said yea so she went back to just give me a book to read for the day and came back with the aristotle one and went "here i think you'll like this.." and im cacKLING listen i'm not exactly hiding the fact that im gay at school like id be very surprised if anyone there thought i was straight cause im gonna be honest i look so fuccing stereotypical it h u r t s and also i will literally not fuccing shut up about it but akjsjsLSKSJS she fuccinG knew damn well what she was doing thanks ms.allen for hitting me up with that quality gay shit

[yengyangyo]

berry | k.s.w

pairings: kim sunwoo x female reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers

summary: you are in denial that you have a crush on your own friend, kim sunwoo until he made you confess your feelings.

word count: 1.9k

note: i wrote this on sunwoo's birthday. its quite late to post it cs i kept on postponing it sksksk but yea this was inspired by sunwoo's berry. enjoy reading! xo

-

you had sunwoo on your mind for days that you are lacking of sleep. it doesnt sit quite right for you to have this 'romantic' feelings for your bestfriend. meanwhile, sunwoo is not helping you to clear up your mind at all. he's just always there beside you no matter what.

he'd wait at the bus stop just to go to class together with you in the morning even when you're running late. lunch time together is a must unless one of you had other plans. both of you are just stuck together anywhere you go.

so for once, you thought it'd be a good plan to avoid him today. you woke up early that morning to get to class and you texted sunwoo that you had a discussion with your groupmates. this went on for a few days, you were making excuses everyday but sunwoo believed you.

until he couldnt take it anymore.

you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you saw sunwoo on the caller id. you were hesitating to pick it up until you felt someone grabbing your wrist from the back, turning you around.

"found ya!"

sunwoo appeared in front of you with the brightest smile. you couldn't help but to feel happy and welcomed by him that you started smiling unknowingly. you get back to your senses seconds later and avoided his eyes.

sunwoo knew something was wrong when he saw your expression fell. he glanced at your phone that kept ringing. he ended the call and your phone went off too.

"why arent you answering my calls? are you still busy?"

you couldnt stand seeing sunwoo looking all gloomy and upset. you felt bad for ignoring him so you tried making up excuses again.

"oh yea i was about to pick it up. sorry,"

sunwoo pouted and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. he's using his favourite perfume again today, you noticed. that scent happened to be your fav of him too. you felt weak and wanting to crawl into a hole or something.

"im craving chicken today. how about chicken and beer for dinner tonight?"

sunwoo turned his head at you, waiting for an answer. you looked up at him and his face was only inches away from you. you looked away, flustered. he had always been this way but only now you noticed how you felt about him which made it more awkward to be this close to him.

"i dont know, sunwoo. i'll have to check with my groupmates," you said, pretending to check your phone for your nonexistent messages.

"its friday come on. i havent hang out with you for days already," sunwoo whined and that made you laugh.

"alright but i get to choose where to eat,"

-

you chose the chicken restaurant near your neighbourhood where you both are regular customers there. the place was crowded with youngsters like the both of you, drunken with beer and chicken.

you were also getting tipsy from drinking. the first 30 minutes of the dinner went normal. asking how each other had been doing with the college life.

sunwoo sighed and rested his chin on his right palm. his eyes falters on you, searching for something. you looked away, feeling a bit burdened and transparent, because sunwoo knew you werent acting yourself these days.

"hey," he called you but you didnt answer and still avoiding the eye contact.

"hey look at me,"

you were startled at the warmth on both of your cheeks. sunwoo was cupping your cheeks to make you look at him straight in the eyes. you didnt know if this warmth was from his hand or from you blushing.

"what's wrong?" he asked. now his hand moved to yours, holding it tight. "you're avoiding me these days. do you think i didnt notice?"

silence fell between you two, just staring at each other. the guilt creeping up inside you and you didn't know where to start.

its the smallest gesture from him that create butterflies in your stomach.

that one time he opened the water bottle for you when he saw you struggling and saying that you're such a baby. his laughter filled the room when you frowned at the remark. you know how much he loves annoying you and in the end he always made you laugh too.

on rainy days, he'd always share the umbrella with you and keeping you close to him so you wouldnt get drenched. sometimes he'd gently rub your arm so you wouldn't get too cold.

sometimes he'd call you names like how boyfriend and girlfriend do, jokingly. though, you somewhat enjoyed it and played along. pretending to cringe but actually was flattered by him.

at this moment, your hand in his, eyes boring into each other, you just want to scream at him how much you love him.

you smiled in defeat and pulled back your hand.

"there were just so many thoughts going on my mind lately, sunwoo. im so sorry,"

he didn't question you any further and he nodded his head.

"whatever it is youre thinking, i just want you to know i'm always here for you,"

you smiled, this time sincerely at him.

"you always are sunwoo. i appreciate that,"

he smirked, "after all, i am the best that you got,"

you rolled your eyes and gave him your disgusted face.

"so are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?"

"i think i like someone. he's just always running round in my mind these days,"

you didnt know where the courage came from to blurt out that out of your mouth. sunwoo who was halfway shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth, stopped. he put it down and looked at you, doubting himself if he heard that right.

"i couldnt stop thinking about him. that pretty much explains that i like him right? or is it just my mind playing games with me?"

you swore you saw his face fell for a second but he went back to the usual sunwoo after that.

"does he know about your feelings?"

you shrugged, "nah. im still trying to find out what i really feel about him. should i tell him?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and chugged down his beer until its empty.

"yea why not," he answered simply. "he must be really lucky to have you,"

you laughed, "i havent done anything yet. there's a possibility that he'd reject me too anyway,"

its funny how you talk about this like its some stranger to sunwoo when you are talking about him. you felt light hearted a bit after letting that out.

"who'd reject you?" sunwoo said while playing with that piece of chicken, not looking at you anymore. "you're pretty and fun,"

you raised an eyebrow, wondering if you heard that right. he was still poking the chicken with his fork, eyes hazy and lips pouting.

"so you're not gonna tell me who is this guy you have a crush on?"

"you'll find out soon,"

-

sunwoo offered to walk you home though you kindly told him he didn't have to. he insisted and now you are walking beside him. he was suddenly quiet after the conversation you had with him.

"is that why you're avoiding me? because you have a crush on this guy?"

he asked, hands in his pockets, eyes looking forward. you looked at him, feeling a bit weirded out by his cold tone.

"no... okay maybe? i dont know. i just needed some time to myself,"

sunwoo fell quiet again for the rest of the walk home. when you reached the front gate of your house, you looked back at sunwoo. he looked like he was upset. you walked up to him and pat his side.

"hey thanks for walking me home. i'll tell you everything when i'm ready okay?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and you turned around to get out of that awkward moment.

"no i'll tell you everything right now okay? hear me out,"

you stopped in your tracks and facing him in confusion. he was pacing around, his hands are restless in his pockets.

"before you confess to him i guess i have to make a move on you first," sunwoo said, this time he raised his voice. "this is why people are saying we should always tell what we feel before we regret it and i dont want to regret it but i think im too late,"

you are worried at him. he looked like he was about to break down right in front of you. you wanted to comfort him but you didnt get what he's trying to say.

"sunwoo, i dont understand. what is it?"

sunwoo stopped pacing around and stopped directly in front of you. you swore you saw his eyes tearing up and you wanted to cry too. you thought, the alcohol has made both of you emotional.

"i like you,"

you both felt like the world is weighing down. it was as if the time has stopped for you two. you were staring at each other in disbelief.

"i know you like someone else and i shouldve told you sooner. i kept on putting back my feelings behind," sunwoo halted, gasping for air. "im too late now but i have to tell you this,"

"sunwoo-"

"i dont care who he is. but i want you to know that you deserve of love. you kept on telling yourself you dont deserve anyone. you know how badly i want to tell you that im here? i want to love you," sunwoo was practically shouting at this point. he sighed, "shit im already am in love with you,"

at those words, your tears came streaming down like crazy. you've never seen him cry but tonight he looked beautiful even when he's crying. you lurched forward and wrapped your arms around him. he buried his face in your neck and you felt his warm tears on your skin.

"im sorry. i just wanted to let that out after keeping it for so long. this is the worst timing huh?" he murmured under his breath.

you shook your head and laughed. you let go of the hug first and cupped his face in your hands. teary eyes staring at each other.

"sunwoo its you,"

"what?"

"i love you too,"

you closed the distance between the two of you, kissing him for the first time. that caught him off guard but then smiled in the kiss. it was sloppy but sunwoo is for sure leading you well at this. you both craved for this for a long time already. you were still crying of relief and touched by his confession.

"you should've told me before i start crying like an idiot," sunwoo looked down at you, smiling with his swollen eyes.

you laughed at him and you snuggled more into his embrace not wanting to let go too soon. you realized how much you miss him after those dreading days of ignoring him. he rested his chin on your head while gently patting you.

"im sorry ive been ignoring and denying my feelings for you,"

"its okay. thank god we actually like each other though," you both laughed at the same time and you havent felt this happy and giddy before.

"so i can actually call you my baby now?" sunwoo asked smirking at you playfully, knowing how much you hated it before.

"that's still cringy but sure, babe,"

[disciplined-cornfed]

A Dope New Job

Lucas didn't expect to get a job at the stoner infested roller rink, he really didn't want one either. Times were tough though. So when he got called about an interview he went in, and dealt with the idiotic pothead manager Ryan. It was an easy interview, and the guy was basically the same age as him, just the fact that he only asked one question made Lucas feel like the guy wasn't all there though.

“Do you have any experience working in a roller rink like this?” “No, this is actually my first time applying for a customer facing position but I think my...”

“All good, will get you there bud” Was all he said. After cutting him off

“I’m confused..” He was honestly speechless.

“Haha, i'm confused all the time myself bud, see you tomorrow night at 4 if it works”

No comments on his lack of experience no explanations or reassurances, it was all very odd,

His best guess for the bizarre interview was that they were just that desperate, but even so you'd think as a manager he'd at least try to go somewhat by proper interview procedures, Dude didn't even ask about availability or past jobs.  Hell the guy didn't even say I was hired directly... He just implied it…

--------------

Alot of red flags here but this was the only place nearby that called him back, he just had to hope that Ryans behavior in the interview was not indicative of the place as a whole. If worse comes to worse he could always quit and try for jobs out of town.  

With that thought he entered the roller rink prepared for his first day orientation, he walked in to the dimly lit roller rink and located ryan right away, Pretty easy to pick out the dumb long haired stoner with inch wide guages and a really dumb assortment of tattoos of varying quality That combined , with a disturbing lack of facial hair made his appearance rather iconic, well not so much for a place like this pretty much all the employees looked similar enough, but outside of this place hed definitely draw attention.  He didn’t look bad but he definitely didn’t look refined either,.

“Ey bud, I missed ya.” “...Yea” was all he could manage to say to that weird statement.

“Give me one sec ill get you clocked in then we can start your orientation.”

Ryan walked away to a backroom for a bit.

With him gone, it gave Lucas a chance to get a better look around, he looked towards the desk where people go to rent out roller blades, and saw someone he never wouldve expected to see.

“Jeremiah?”

“Whoa, no way Lucas… its been years man”

Jeremiah Frisk, the vehemently anti drug, and considerably homophobic head of his highschools bible study club. Working here.

“Yea, last time I saw you, you were…”

“An intolerant stick in the mud who didn't know how to have a good time?”

“... I wasn’t gonna say that, just you seem different”

“Yea, well it might sound stupid but this place really changed my perspective, Im really fucking sorry about all the homophobic shit i said to you back in the day. Really shitty of me no excuse”

“...” He was speechless, about Jeremiah's 180 change he did appreciate the apology though.

“Its all good, that was in the past you’ve clearly changed,... I appreciate the apology though Jeremiah”

“Thanks for that bud, I know it must've been hard to deal with. By the way not to detract but I go by Jay now”  

“Jay?” He said, the name sounding weird to say,

“Yea, I go by Jay cause I roll the best Jays” Jeremiah Chuckled at that.

Hmmm, he really has changed…

“So, what brings you here bud?”

“Actually, I’m a new employee”

“For real dude, thats dope, me, and you are gonna take so many falls together man”

Jeremiah just kept surprising him with his casual stoner talk… or well actually Jay is definitely a better name for him now

“Oh… actually I don’t smoke man, never have”

Jeremiah chuckled a bit at that. Then with a dopey grin

“Yea bud sure ya don’t”

He wanted to correct Jeremiah that he actually was serious.

Right then ryan came back, card in hand with an excited air about him

“This is your clock in card, Bud I clocked ya in, now if you don’t mind It’d be dope if we start this in my office”

With that he followed Ryan to the office, well simultaneously thinking about how much all this stoner lingo was already annoying him. He supposed he'd begrudgingly get used to it, but if he caught himself saying any of it himself he’d definitely slap himself at least 3 times.

As ryan opened his office door he saw faint clouds of smoke wafting out, it was at this moment he strongly smelled weed.  He figured the dude would talk to him outside his office  due to this.

“Oh, silly me sorry bud, I always seem to do this with new hires”

Ryan exclaimed, motioning Lucas over to a second chair in his office.

“I don't feel super comfortable cause i’ve never smoked before”

This dude was hella unprofessional for a manager, like what the fuck.

“Its just a little weed bud, won't hurt you”  Ryan said with a  reassuring dopey smile well patting the chair with his hand.

He still couldn't believe this dude, and maybe it was just the distant fumes affecting him, but admittedly he had a point, it was just weed. And he needed this job.

So he walked in,  and sat down,

“So, uh where will I be… working?”

“Ey, will see bud, was thinking of putting you on training with jay for today”

“Ah ok...Jay is.... Sorry uh lost my thought there for a moment” “Totally normal bud, dont stress about it”

“Yea, so …. What are we going to…” Ryan chuckled

“Talk about…, just about how to get there bud”

“Get where…” “A good level, for a good employee, we try to strive for a chill happy, relaxed environment here.”

“What you mean?”

“Chill” *snap*

“Happy” *snap*

“Relaxed” *snap*

“Just want to embody a nice environment here, no judgements, and comradery”

“Yea...:” He felt his face muscles go up into a grin.

Ryan gave an equally dopey smile in response.

“Anyways bud, just to better embody that I want you to try to get in a chill, *snap*, Happy *Snap* Relaxed *Snap* mindset ”

He chuckled. “Im pretty happy already” uncontrollably grinning

“I can see that bud, and im happy for you” Ryan grinned back  , “I just want you to be really Chill *Snap* really Happy *snap* and really*snap* really*snap* Realaxed *snap* “

With that last snap  Lucas passed out,

Not really sure how much time went by but he woke up with a grin on his face.

“Welcome back bud, I think you’re there” “... there….” “My office bud you’re in my office, bud haha”

Lucas chuckled at that

“... oh shit, sorry man”

“All good like i said earlier totally normal” “Uh… where do I go?”

“Haha, silly me forgetting to tell ya, just go back by jay and mention hes training ya”

“Oh… ok”

Lucas started to head out,

“Wait a second bud,” Ryan said grabbing his shoulder,

“Yea... “ he looked towards ryan.

“Have a good first day bud.” Ryan said with pride in his eyes.

----

A few minutes later

“So You’ve never smoked” Jay asked lucas

“Sure, I don’t bud” Lucas laughed

They shared a dopey grin then chuckled.

[magnoliamyrrh]

It really sucks bc I’ve had this sneaking suspicion since my early adolescence that I was molested by a preschool teacher. I have no actual memory but just a combination of UTIs + sadomasochistic behavior + nightmares + hypersexuality later made me suspect. But like. It could have been from everyone and their mom in my Balkan family constantly groping me :/ like it’s already blurry in my head this is just confusing me even more but at the same time I’m not sure I wanna know

thank u for sending this, i know its hard to even write this shit out sometimes. im sorry you went through any of this. yea, i went through a long period of not being sure what the hell happened if anything at all too. i still do at times. all the same symptoms + i also thought for a long time that maybe it was from all of,, the other stuff instead of anything else. its rly hard to try to make sense of it all, especially at those ages, and tbh yea, all those symptoms could v well just appear from the general family shit, especially depending on the severity of what was allowed and starting/ending when

... i think its fair to not want to know. i think its rly fair and normal to b either entirely opposed to knowing or just anxious and adverse sbt it. missing as well as blurry memories at those ages can v well be just normal, theres plenty of things ppl start to usually forget, but,, they can also be a sign of your brain trying to protect you from shit it deemed too hard/too much/too distressing to handle.. and that's,.. fair. thats a survival adaptation.

when you go knocking on the locked doors in your mind its often far from a pleasant time.. and tbh shit tends to get worse before it gets any better. On the other hand this is just. personal philosophy/conclusion; i think... the only .. way to Really truly deal things - the issues themselves not just the symptoms caused by the issues - is to face them. must go through the eye of the needle sort of thing. this is how ive dealt w recovering from bpd, ana&mia, and ptsd shit and generally got myself to b a lot more sane, after a period of time in which it drove me more insane. this is what psychedelics reinforced in me anyway.... i dont recommend going poking around in your brain too much if youre not in a remotely stable and safe environment,,, i did that, not the best time

poking around and trying to figure this sort of shit out can often turn into a whole spiral. be gentle with yourself, dont try to rush yourself into wanting answers, and take care of yourself. sometimes it is best to let your brain let you know about things when it deems the time is right, rather than trying to tear down every door

but,.. . something that my ex whose also been through some pretty severe shit said to me when i was falling down a "is this real?" hole: you kinda just.. you feel it. somewhere if youre being real serious with yourself, deep deep down inside you know if you know. we never really forget things. somewhere, they are ingrained in us, our bodies remember even if we dont.... and, tbh, the other thing is. people see it on you. like, recognition of the self through the other sort of thing. something that always got to me before i actually rly idk accepted a lot of things is how much i related to ppl who have also gone through that sort of stuff. could just b the family shit but also 🤷‍♀️ . even if it isnt i guess the question would be, what is the drive behind your suspicion. why there. why that teacher or why a teacher. why that time and place. does it remind you of something else or another time?. and on the flip side.. something else that ive learned is that. predators see it on you? they truly do. i remember when i was questioning shit id tell myself, well, both of these things cant be true right??? thats ridiculous, who has that sort of luck to not only deal with this weird af normalized family shit + other stuff?? i must just b exaggerating things.... except in reality, most predators can tell which victims are vulnerable and they can most often tell which kids have some sort of history of sexual trauma. once it happenes, its actually statistically more likely that it will happen again...... which really fucking sucks

idk, i hope any of this made sense i probably went on for too long but. im rly sorry again u went through any of this im v much sending u a virtual hug. i rly do get the frustration and confusion and... all of it. im sorry but also, thank you for sending me this bc its... both horrible and comforting at the same time to know someone else has felt this same mess. i hope youre going to find some consolation and peace and healing soon <3 <3

[xplrvibes]

Im personally starting not to trust Stas based on things ive seen lately, she knows what people think about her and Colby because she reads through all her comments on all 3 major social media platforms, and will angle her pictures to make it seem like she is eating with another person when in fact its her roommate because her roommate always posts her pov too. She knows people assume everything she does is some hidden message pertaining to Colby and instead of clarifying she keeps it going. She posted some tiktok where people swore she was snuggled up to Colbys shirt, but then another account posted an old photo of her wearing that shirt when she still had blonde hair. Her recent snaps she posed with the shirt next to her and then another snap out to lunch which she later replied to on twitter but again its angled and her roommate posted the same thing. It’s like following a Nancy Drew mystery except this one has no bases or actual mystery. Katrina today posted a pic that debunks one Stas posted which made it seem like her and Colby were alone. Actually is all pretty sad, not sure what she’s trying to achieve with this but i dont see anything good coming out of it once Colby goes back to posting with Shea, or Amber, or another beau.

Oh, both her and Colby clearly know what's being said/speculated about them on socials. I think they actually alluded to it on that infamous drunken livestream they did on Kat's twitch that we shan't talk about, lol.

To be fair, I don't know how much of what she does is calculated beforehand, so much as she may be taking advantage of the consequences of her postings after the fact, you know what I mean?

Take the shirtgate thing, for example. I doubt she really put much thought into that shirt vaguely resembling Colby's when she decided to make that tiktok. But once the comments started rolling in, and the conspirators starting conspiring, she may well have seen all that and decided, for whatever reason, "Let me throw them a couple more bones here," instead of just straight up telling everyone that she wasn't rolling around in Colby's shirt on tiktok as some secret nod to the fans that they're together.

This reminds me of my favorite conspiracy theory of all time: the Paul is Dead theory. If you've never heard of it, check it out- it's wild. Basically, fans became convinced that Beatle Paul McCartney was killed in 1966 and replaced by a lookalike Paul, and that the remaining 3 Beatles left clues to the "truth" throughout all of their subsequent album songs and covers.

Now, the Beatles themselves did not start this rumor, and they have kind of tried to debunk it over the years...but there have also been times when they've leaned into a bit. Why? Who knows, they're all whacky lol. I guess if people are going to make you front and center in their conspiracy theories, you might as well reap the benefits that come with that kind of dogged visibility. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, while I do think she does set out to egg this shit on sometimes (as does the King of Egging Shit on, Mr. Corgi Book), sometimes I think things happen accidentally and organically, and she just allows it to continue, rather than clearing things up. Do I stan that decision? No, everytime I hear about this stupid shit, it takes another year off my already dwindling life. Do I understand in a weird way (even if I don't agree) with why they do this shit? Well, yea. Views, engagement, visibility, and getting your name out there is the name of the game they're all playing, and this kind of crap is a cheat code to the boss fight, as the kids say. They're gonna speculate anyway, might as well give em something to keep em speculating.

To sum it up: she's Paul McCartney, and the flannel shirt is her "barefoot on the Abbey Road album cover."

[pokefanclaire]

Secret Santa

Hello everyone! I’m no writer but I decided to have a crack at a fan fiction for a ship I absolutely adore. Alfendi Layton x Lucy Baker. Also I don’t own any rights to the game, or characters its purely my weird thoughts.

This fan fiction has mutual pining and teasing but is pretty tame. I’m not entirely sure how to describe this!

Secret Santa

‘Th’ Prof always uses the mug I gifted him for secret Santa. It’s a normal enough looking mug with “World’s greatest detective” printed in black ink and the inside is decorated with a flurry of magnifying glasses facing every which way. I watched him unwrap my gift for ‘im from under the Scotland yard Christmas tree about a month ago and he ‘asnt used another mug from the break room since’ Lucy thought proudly as she eyed the space allocated for making hot drinks.

“Good morning dear Lucy”

Lucy jumped in surprise of his sudden arrival and twirled to see a tired looking Alfendi sporting disheveled placid burgundy hair and 3 day old stubble across his chin.

“slept ‘ere again prof?”

“.. You know you have to fill that with water Baker?”

He gestured to the empty kettle Lucy was absent mindedly staring at. Alfendi laughed light heartedly at his assistants morning forgetfulness.

Lucy stepped aside as Alfendi began to make tea in his favourite mug. He had clearly slept in the mystery room last night she thought, yet his disheveled, unkept appearance did nothing to calm the flutters in her stomach or the increased pounding of her heart against her ribcage from his arrival to the break room.

Noticing the heat rising in her cheeks from his close proximity she snapped her attention toward the fridge to fetch a lemon slice to add to his earl grey tea Placid enjoyed each morning.

The coolness of the fridge gave her cheeks much needed relief, and Lucy gave out an audible sigh of relief.

“’ere ya are Prof”

Lucy beamed turning around. She felt a solid mass suddenly press against her entirety realising the Prof was standing right behind her.

“Sorr’ Prof”

she said stumbling back a step.

“It was entirely my fault I apologise dear Lucy. Are you okay?”

Smiling shyly placid prof tugged at the back of his neck nervously.

“It were nowt Prof, why’d you sleep at the mystery room anyways?” smiling at the nervousness she now felt. “was there some new case?”

“Not at all Lucy, I just didn’t want to get behind on paperwork. And besides my favourite mug is here at Scotland Yard. I really like it, and what it stands for”

Lucy stared at her mentor.

“I think I know who my secret Santa was”

“well you should” Smiled Lucy “been the worlds greatest detective and all that. Piece of cake for a great mind like yours”

Alfendi drank from his mug maintaining piercing eye contact with his dear Lucy.

“...And my dearest assistant, did you happen to find out the identity of your secret Santa?”

“nah Prof’ It was a crazy difficult puzzle with no instructions but it looks lik’ sum kinda box. I spent all Christmas day tryin’ to solve it. My ma and dad had a go too, and my neighbour tried but nowt”

“I wonder who would send you such a thing dear Lucy”

Lucy felt her cheeks burn from his relentless stare. She couldn't remember the last time Alfendi blinked…

“was ‘t you? Prof’”

Of course Lucy had her suspicions with him been the son of the famous Hershal Layton. A Puzzle sounded fitting. But she was a detective constable and all of Scotland Yard would of known that she would find a puzzle an entertaining gift.. Had Alfendi been staring at her this whole time? She watched his sweet amber eyes flicker to a darker, more dangerous shade of yellow.

Alfendi grinned sipping from his mug trying to guess her train of thoughts.

“You know, I’m quite good with puzzles my dear Baker. Can I possibly be of some help to you?”

Before Lucy could answer Alfendi had crossed the room to her. She had just enough time to groan as Potty Prof’s eyes met with hers. From his slightly crouched position he leant over her shoulder and whispered into her ear.

“because I am… the world greatest detective aren’t I Baker?”

“morning folks!” Dustin called glancing over at Lucy and Alfendi with a raised eyebrow “Not interrupting summat am I?”

Alfendi grinned at Dustin, his unkempt messy hair bright crimson.

“You ‘kay Lucy Love?” Dustin smiled, eyebrow still raised questioningly in Lucy’s direction.

Lucy was inches away from the grinning Potty Alfendi’s face, his unshaven dishevelled look making the break room vanish from her vision as heat rose to her cheeks. She took an inward breath, wanting to answer Dustin quickly before suspicion took hold and everyone at Scotland Yard would soon be making fun of her obvious crush on her mentor.

“um yea Dusti’ ta”

she finally managed with an altogether strange look on her face. Alfendi smelt of stale cigarettes, coffee and old books, an intresting and all together appealing combination rushing her senses.

“I’m just fine” Lucy added. Convincing herself this time.

“are you Baker? Because you look a little distracted by something, or someone perhaps?” he teased.

“then see ya Lucy love, have a good’n” Dustin stifled a laugh as he exited the break room noisily jangling his keys. “young love!” he added from half way down the corridor.

Lucy’s cheeks were hot, She could only imagine how uncomfortable she looked to Alfendi as he continued to intimidate her at her eye level.

“Baker, come with me”

He turned on his heels without looking back toward the break room certain Lucy would follow. Lucy hesitated for a split moment, deep in her own thoughts before racing to catch up with her handsome mentor. Out in the corridor, she looked left and right for Alfendi assuming he had gone to the mystery room she skipped up the corridor after him. The door to the mystery room was wide open, with no apparent inhabitant in there she knocked on the door.

“Hello? Prof? Are you here?”

her calls were met with silence but she observed on Alfendi’s desk was the still warm mug of tea, steam escaping the rim. He had to be here, She felt herself falter as she leaned inside the room knowing that it was most likely Potty Prof inside, Lucy felt the familiar heat rising to her cheeks at the thought of her Potty prof, the original Alfendi Layton. Fearless.

Lucy scanned the corridor once more before deciding to search the suspiciously silent Mystery room.

“Prof?”

Hands quickly covered her eyes as the door slammed shut behind her, heated breath brushed against the nape of her neck.

“care to guess which of your dear mentors is here with you?” Whispered Potty..

“Th’ original of course”

Silence fell once more.

“what did you call me just now” twisting to be sure he saw her lips move as she spoke. “not po…did you say original?”

“aye, I mean ya were ‘ere first wernt you? What woul you like me to call ya?”

Dazed Alfendi stared still covering Lucy’s eyes.

“...and Lucy, you aren’t scared are you? Of me I mean. Us”

He moved a hand to the side, brushing through Lucy’s golden hair. She groaned as the familiar scent of the prof fogged her consciousness for the second time that morning. ‘Get it together Lucy, he’s your boss! and this sort of thing isn’t allowed.. besides he’s just teasing. He never goes through with it, jus’ leaves me hanging. He’s all talk, that Potty’ She managed to comfort herself with her thoughts for a moment before allowing one eye to gently flutter open. He stared silently as heat rushed to her cheek turning her a shade of crimson familiar to Potty.

Alfendi gently traced the outline of her cheek with his outstretched fingers casually moving his face closer to hers before lightly brushing his thumb back and forth over her bottom lip.

“what would happen if I.. We just…..gave in Lucy?.”

Lucy stared at him in disbelief, convinced he was teasing as always she roared with hysterical laughter causing her to lose her balance and tumble forward into Alfendi.

“If I knew it was so easy to get you onto my lap Baker, I would of trapped you in the mystery room months ago”

Lucy’s eyes met with his, smiling broadly.

“I know you Prof, its all teasin’ an nowt else”

“one day I wont be able to stop myself Baker?”

Lucy was left feeling confused at the look on the now placid Prof’s face. Well placid Prof isn’t one for teasing, she thought about the living nightmare her life would become if both potty and placid decided to tease her. Shaking the thought from her head she tried to stand steadying herself on the sofa, offering both hands to the Prof she helped him regain his balance.

“Sorry abou’ falling onto you there Prof! I didn’t mean ta”

Alfendi didn’t reply, instead he stared down silently.

“wa is it?”

Her gaze fell on what had taken the Profs attention. Lucy was still holding Alfendi’s hands after helping him up.

“sorr’ Prof!”

Lucy let go of his hands instantly, retracting her arms from his direction.

“….Lu… Lucy… can you do me a favour please?”

Still looking down at his now empty hands.

“o’course Prof, anything”

Beamed Lucy, hoping by now he would of finally stopped teasing for the day.

“Can you try, to be less… perfect in my presence during work hours. I’ve found it very distracting of late” Alfendi didn’t bring his eyes to meet hers, but Lucy giggled at Pottys latest tease.

Alfendi’s hair was a placid, pale wine colour. He looked up with dull amber eyes.

“I mean it Lucy.”

A silence fell between them.

“tea prof?, how ‘bout I make us a brew! Earl grey with a lemon slice kay? Or would the othe’ trouble maker like a coffee?”

Alfendi laughed sheepishly as Lucy skipped from the mystery room toward the Scotland yard break room.

“Tea would be perfect my love”

morning turned to afternoon, and then dusk as 18:00 flashed on Lucy’s wrist watch.

“I’m ‘eading home now Prof, would you like to ride together?”

Alfendi hadn’t heard the question, or ignored his assistants declaration that she intended to leave.

“Is the mysterious puzzle in your backpack Lucy or at home?”

“s’in me backpack, I like it a whole bunch and who knows when i’ll figure it out eh?”

“May I see it Lucy? If you would kindly accept the help of your mentor”

“Sure Prof, I would love you to ‘elp me get a little further with solving the puzzle. Can I grab you some food from the take out place ‘round th’ corner” Understanding Alfendi will tackle her puzzle for a few hours at least.

“May I suggest something similar? I need to return to my apartment building this evening to take care of some household chores, and shave as i’m sure you’ve noticed I failed to remember to bring my razor with me into to work these past few days”

Alfendi ran a hand through his newly emerging beard with a disgusted curl tugging at the edge of his lips.

“we could grab some take away, and we can cycle to my apartment and I can help you with your puzzle while I take care of my chores”

“I uh.. I like it the stubbl’ I mean Prof.it suits ya somthin wicked”

Alfendi looked over at Lucy his hand frozen in the rough patch of hair now inhabiting his cheek.

“Can you confirm please, the newly emerged stubble you like?” Alfendi raised an eyebrow at Lucy.

“wel’ I guess yea.  stubbl’ or ‘least yours”

Lucy stared for a moment before realising she hadn't answered Prof’s next question.

“oh an’ take out at your place would be grand”

Alfendi didn't say a word until they reached the take out place near Scotland yard.

“what do you fancy Lucy? I mean from the take-out menu of course”

He grinned from ear to ear.

“’ello Potty, wondered if you were joining us this evening”

“Do you fancy something Italian Baker?”

“This is a chines’ restaurant silly”

He leaned into Lucy’s scarf sending his warm breath over her ear.

“I’m the something Italian silly”

“no, I don’t fancy any dam’ Italian”

“yes you do Baker”

Alfendi blew warm air over her ear and felt the gooseflesh wash over her exposed skin.

“yes you do.” he repeated.

The pair stood in silence: Alfendi grinning at her blush, Lucy pretending to be very interested in the Chinese food menu.

“now are you ready to order from the Chinese menu?”

[miraculouscontent]

(Shanghai-related asks)

.

Anonymous said:

Did you see how, supposedly, the reason Marinette goes to Shanghai is bc Adrien is there. Because you know, that's a totally normal thing to do.

You know, there’s this suspension of disbelief where characters are allowed to do certain things that you’re like, “okay that’s not realistic but it’s fun so I don’t mind.”

Yeah, this is not fun.

Anonymous said:

Based on the new trailer for the Shanghai special, one of my biggest fears is that we won't see Marinette interacting with Sabine's family outside of Uncle Wang, even Sabine is nowhere to be seen in the trailer, please ZAG at least give us one of Sabine's parents, we're starving

I’m still rolling my eyes that there’s not one piece of dialog with Sabine talking about stuff related to her family, though her cheongsam is also flipped so--

Anonymous said:

Synopsis for the Shanghai Special: To join Adrien in Shanghai, Marinette is going to visit her uncle Wang who is celebrating his anniversary. But, as soon as she arrives in China, her purse gets stolen with Tikki inside, whom she needs to secretly transform into Ladybug! Without money and alone in the immense city, Marinette accepts the help of a young and resourceful girl, Fei. The two girls will ally and discover the existence of a new magical jewel, the Prodigious. Hawk Moth, also also present in Shanghai, seeks to finding it since a long time... Yea, cause Marinette still hasn’t suffered enough :p

mAriNEtTe mAkeS a mIsTakE iN eVeRY sToRY

Anonymous said:

As someone of Chinese descent, I felt extremely bothered by how miniscule the boy's , the one on the right (?) taking a picture with Adrien, eyes were when I saw the Shanghai trailer. It feels extremely... stereotypical? Not sure if that's the right word. I mean, he could just be squinting, but it still bothers me. Especially if that's their normal eye shape.

I heard similar complaints when Kagami arrived. They really stress the eye shape when it comes to someone full-on Asian (and if you’re half-Asian then you get wholly round eyes which makes no sense). It also gets weird because I feel like we have characters in the show who could pass for Asian (Mireille at least has the proper eye shape without it being over-exaggerated; I don’t remember if her skin tone is correct or not), but when characters are actually Asian, it’s usually taken to the exaggeration.

My sympathy goes out to everyone of Chinese descent who’s going to have to deal with the special. I’m literally a mish-mash of whiteness (American, French, and German) but even I know it must suck.

Anonymous said:

im tempted to watch the Shanghi special with my family, we're part chinese and have been to shanghi a few times. Then we can laugh and yell at it together, no need for show context

omg

As long as you have fun! Give it a good roast for me!

Anonymous said:

Excuse my french (pun intended) but

WHAT EVER LOVING HELL HAPPEN TO THE SPECIAL!!

Marketing.

Also the writers wanting to make sure you don’t forget that Adrien is a guy who exists.

Anonymous said:

Hi, Clarity! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any thoughts on the upcoming Shanghai special based on the information and trailers we have?

When I found out that Marinette was spending time with her great-uncle Wang, I was so excited. I was hoping that this special will be a breath of fresh air and spontaneously focus just on Marinette and her family for once. Maybe we'd explore Marinette's Chinese heritiage and learn more about her mother, Sabine and extended maternal family.

Then I saw Gabriel in which I eye-rolled 180* like any degree of character development. Like... great... more needless Miraculous lore/exposition. (Can we even call it exposition? I doubt any of the Miraculous-related events will be referenced within the show.) Whilst Miraculous lore is great and does expand our knowledge on the Miraculous, it steals any individual focus that Marinette could potentially have. It also tends to "hands everything" to Hawk Moth, who gets almost everything done his way without him even trying. Hmm, I guess as Shadow Moth, he won't have to use Mayura as his catslyst anymore. He'll have to ruffle his own feathers. (I don't know why I'm making a bird joke about Gabriel here. I hate him snd I couldn't care less about him.)

Also by reading the special's synopsis, it mentions that Adrien and Gabriel go to China for an unknown reason (maybe business related.) So Marinette decides to go to spend time with him (also spend time with Wang concurrently.) This might be a minor issue but I don't want Adrien to always be the centre focus of Marinette's motivations/desires. (He isn't always but I feel he is more than he should be.) Let our beautiful amazing girl just have an amazing time with her family in China. The writers need to stop Adrien being an integral part of Marinette's character. This special should be about Marinette (along with her family) and them solely.

Moreover, I'm worried that Marinette will imminently be embarassed/scolded/humiliated in some way. The synopsis mentions that she loses her bag (that contains Tikki.) Inevitably, she's going to be scolded for this for not being careful. The writers will blame her for the destruction that Hawk Moth will cause and not the actual man terrorising Shanghai himself. And no needless lovesquare drama please. If I'm not interested in it in Paris, don't think I'll be interested in it in Shanghai. And please do not let it be used to cause Mari/LB to suffer. Romance (no matter how contrived it is in this show) should be about finding joy and happiness. It should never intentionally be a burden for anybody, especially if it's for comedic purposes. Why am I worried that CN will yell at LB this time?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I hope that the writers actually have them communicate properly about this time. Like they should both be honest (an important aspect of healthy relationships), to build clarity and to avoid confusion. Like the needless drama in NY could have been avoided if Adrien didn't ignore Ladybug and actually TRUSTED her by telling her the truth about him going somewhere instead of complacently lying to her, then losing her trust. Both could have told each other that they are going to NY "for personal reasons" without giving too much detail. To prevent suspicion, the writers could have included the American superheroes hosting an event inviting them or asking for their help to defeat that Micromonster guy. LB and CN could have both then collectively made a decision that if anything were to go wrong in Paris, they could quickly use the Horse Miraculous to transport to France in time (like Marinette was advised to do in "Startrain") or use the Rabbit Miraculous to travel back in time/manipulate events. There was no need to make Marinette suffer for the sake of needless lovesquare drama.

However, I love the animation for the special. It is mesmerising and beauitful and the graphics look superb. The atmosphere looks so clean and the nature-aspects (Hawk Moth's hideout) are intricately detailed. The lighting also complements the charactrrs and the settings' colours. A huge round of applause to SAMG for their excellant hardwork for animating this special despite the pandemic!

If you have any worries about the special, free free to do so! I want to conclude my message by thanking you so much for being such a lovely, kind, confident and resilient person. You always confidently express your opinions and strcture your essays clearly and legibly. I always look forward to reading your posts. I know I can always count on you to express our frustrations with the show's writing on our behalf and speak up for Marinette's mistreatment and inustice! 😊

Firstly, thank you! I gotta defend Marinette because we know the show won’t!

Anyway, I agree with basically everything you said. My biggest comments on it are like--

- I’m already tired of places just being used as set pieces for specials. I actually have a history of disliking specials/movies for shows because its purposes is usually just to get people hyped up, but that means big plots with big stakes and I end up thinking, “okay, but why can’t we have that in the show?” That’s always the issue I take with it; movies/specials prove that they can come up with high stakes plots, but we can’t have equivalents in the show because...?

- I officially tune out now anytime Marinette’s crush on Adrien is mentioned. It gets tiring and it just makes me feel bad for her and simultaneously angry at the writers for treating her this way. Add that onto the “Marinette always makes mistakes” rule and it’s clear that they’re creatively bankrupt and needlessly restrict themselves for the sake of making Marinette suffer. I’m just insulted that Gabriel is going to Shanghai for his fashion business but Marinette being into fashion is ignored.

- The animation is nice but whenever I see it, I’m reminded that we couldn’t have much SAMG in Season 4+5 because they were busy working on the special. The show should always take priority over some lame special/movies. I won’t judge the special for it but I’m salty about it regardless.