#its. so. (cries) beautiful. i am going so fuckin insane

[blee-bleep]

🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️THERE IS AN MPGIS ABO FANFICTIONNNNNNNNNNNNN🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[sonny-d]

yes i cried over merlin s2ep9 and i will admit it bc i need to talk abt it to express just how much it was bc im so emotionally traumatized that there are only two things that will make me cry literally only two in very extreme amount but this shit right here did it for me anyway

i saw somebody a while ago say smth abt merlin definitely actually wanting to leave a few times freya being one of them bc hes been so repressed that just being allowed to be himself without hiding anything makes him fall in love with a girl in two days so much that hes gonna abandon his destiny and his friends to go live with her and be who he is, they are the ‘holy shit for the love of jesus christ our lord and savior get me the fuck out of here’ to each others ‘literally please im so lonely im surrounded by ppl but they all would want me dead if they knew’ and that is just beautiful it is a whole new level of crazy to someones crazy it is going insane to someones going insane and that is magnificent

also the part where she recognizes him while shes a beast tormenting the town that she runs away they need to save each other so bad that it can fuck up some old roach’s curse

AND THEN thats right im not done AND FUCKING THEN at the lake when merlins holding her and shes all like “oh u save me i am loved now i die good ehe” then she dies like that its so heartbreaking bc its like yeah she got saved bc she got to die with that but what abt him she just fucking left him like that to keep livin la vida loca (bad) with all the shit he almost managed to run away from

AND THEN (last one) when merlins doing stuff for arthur and he walks in and sits next to him to see whats up (literally beautiful that a prince would sit his royal ass on that floor next to his servant to make sure hes ok) and he has no idea abt freya so he treats it like a normal ass situation so merlin kinda acts different then falls into normal rhythm

(new paragraph it woulda been too long i have so much to say abt this) i was thinking abt how merlin handles certain situations bc like how is he not literally imploded rn then i realized the way id handle that shit is sit and think abt it but he doesnt do that, hes actually rly rly smart he just goes thru too much shit to actively and consistently be smart so he does like he did in this one and falls into a routine so that he doesnt think he just goes and keeps livin la vida loca and doesnt even worry abt it cuz hes not thinking abt it bc thats how he copes is not thinking abt it cuz hes smart

so i think arthur unconsciously knows this which is why he just comes in and fucks with merlin a lil bit then lists off the things to do so merlin definitely feels better bc it helps him not think but at the end when hes like deciding a facial expression hes thinking then and hes thinking “shit man im never getting out of here i gotta fuckin live like this goddamn that sucks ass” bc he knows its gonna be years till uther dies and years after that till arthur accepts magic and all that time he has to keep hunting his own kind and being an ally in the war literally against what he is and keep being praised for it (reference to s2ep8) and doesnt have a choice bc as hes recently learned fate will not let him run away with a girl and give up his destiny so he can live a good healthy life

[tainted-wine]

Just a Demonstration

Present Mic x Reader (NSFW)

(Honestly, I just wanted to write Hizashi with some bi energy. I apologize for the other 90% of this small fic)

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: More slang words for ‘penis’ than you can shake a dick stick at. Reader’s thirst levels are highly advanced.

———————————————–

Hizashi’s cock was a sacred rod that deserved to be worshiped for every minute of the day. The very sight of it never fails to make your pussy pulse as rapidly as your excited heartbeat. It didn’t even matter whether he was still tucked in beneath the wrinkles of his foreskin, or if he was already proudly hanging and swinging about—that meaty sausage should always be ready for the market that is your mouth.

So the moment you saw him strut out of the shower and make the mistake of displaying his bare crotch, you knew that you only had one option: cancel your hangout with your dear friend and charm this man’s snake. Your friend was thankfully understanding through her texts.

BFF: Hey gurl! Ready for our shopping trip at the plaza?

You: Sorry, but I won’t be able to go today. I need to suck my boyfriend’s dick for a really long time.

BFF: Alright, that’s ok. See ya!

Hizashi was stammering in confusion when you forcefully guided him onto the bed, shushing him with a finger over his lips once he was on his back. You immediately went to work by kissing the fresh and clean member, coaxing its head to slowly peek out from the slow strokes of your hand. The downside to blowing him right after a shower was that his distinctive musky scent was mostly absent, but you’ll survive without it.

The voice hero watched you with a nervous smile, his body still damp since you didn’t even give him a chance to properly dry off. “Baby, I ain’t complaining, but your undying love for my dick kinda scares me sometimes,” he admitted.

You just looked up at him with a small grin of your own, hand continuing to jerk him. Scared or not, his growing length betrayed his arousal. Besides, it wasn’t your fault that his throbber was a specimen of perfection.

Your tongue moves smoothly across the skin, his veins becoming more prominent with every hardening twitch. So badly did you just want to take it all and suck him up right away, but this precious shaft should be cherished like a gourmet popsicle, not wolfed down like an unsavory snack. You went down to give firm licks to the sensitive space between his cock and balls, earning a shaky moan from the man. You make out with that small area as your hand lubricates him with his own gushes of precum.

“Fuck, baby. I wasn’t ready for you to go to town on me like this,” you hear him groan.

‘And I wasn’t ready for you to present your cock like it’s fuckin’ Christmas. I guess we’re both getting surprises today.’ Your answer doesn’t leave your head, your mouth too busy for silly quips at the moment. With his dick now standing proudly at its full height, you journey back to the top with a long lick, giving his swollen tip a modest peck.

You couldn’t wait any longer. This premium meat deserved more care and attention, but you felt like a starving barbarian with little time to spare.

You felt his thighs tense under your palm when you begin to take him in. Inch by inch he disappears behind your lips, the weight of him on your tongue prompting you to press your thighs together from the growing heat in your core. Hizashi never holds back his moans, always expressing his pleasure and approval with no shame. You listen to the loud yet pleasing vocals as you welcome more of him into your mouth.

Yes…this is where you belong. This is where you were happiest: giving his divine dangler free real estate in your mouth, like a humid cave that also served as a shrine. Every centimeter should be taken into your warm cavern, to use your tongue as a damp bed…

A gag and coughing fit are triggered by the sting of his cock hitting the back of your throat. You’re forced to pull away as your body convulses, feeling a soothing hand rubbing circles on your back while your coughs slow down.

Dammit…goddammit. Why must your sensitive throat fail you each time?

“Easy there, baby. Don’t hurt yourself,” you heard Hizashi comfort you as you held your face in shame and frustration.

“I just…” You sobbed. “I just want your dick down my throat.”

“I know, sweetie. No one is as dedicated to playing the flesh flute as you are,” he laughed.

You were very dedicated, but deepthroating was a method of willy worship that you just couldn’t master, and it enraged you. Tears were streaming down your face before you could even think of stopping them.

“Hey hey!” Hizashi panicked and wiped your tears with a careful thumb. “Don’t stress! Trust me, I love everything your mouth does, if my hard buddy here is anything to go by.”

You turned away from his gentle hand. “You don’t understand, Hizashi! You don’t understand the pressure that your 5-star schlong puts me under! The lengths I have to go to give it the proper treatment!” You cried harder from the mental weight given by his statuesque piece of phallic beauty.

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, I guess not. Didn’t know my junk was putting you through so much pressure.” He glanced down at his shrinking erection. Fuck, look what you’ve done—all you did was waste the mighty one-eyed serpent’s time, and now it was retreating back into its fleshy sanctum. Shame on you.

But the blonde wasn’t done. “If it’ll perk you up, maybe I can help you out? Ya know, a couple of tips from one mouth-meister to another?”

You sniffed and looked up at him in confusion, his sweet smile still bright and clear through your watery eyes. “You…?”

“What, did you forget who I am, baby? I’m a licensed professional in handling the love pistol! I’ll teach you everything you need to know about gobblin’ like it’s Thanksgiving!”

You agreed to his help and watched him search through your shared drawers until he found your private toy. A dildo—splendidly crafted by sculptors who clearly take pride in their work—but you’ve had little need for it lately. Ever since this man came into your life, you’ve realized just how much of an imposter that piece of silicone is, and it was hard to feel any pleasure now that you know of its lies.

Still, you pushed aside your bitter memories as Hizashi settled back down on the bed with your dildo in hand.

He began his lecture. “I know dick is awesome and you wanna get that baby in your mouth right away, but you gotta take it slow, alright? Especially with a tonsil tickler like this one! Keep that throat relaxed and one day you’ll be gag reflex-free like me!”

He goes on. Your frustration is still strong as you try to listen to his advice, but those woeful feelings fizzed out the moment the toy’s head slipped past Hizashi’s lips. His eyes drift close while the shaft smoothly moves into his mouth, his breaths audibly blowing through his nose. Your old companion is a pretty long boy—eight inches long—but Hizashi was taking it easily and calmly, and his bulging throat was possibly the second most enticing thing to look at, topped only by the returning stiffy between his legs.

With a satisfied moan, the entirety of the length rested in his gullet, the textured balls acting like a cork to his lips.

What a fucking sight to behold, one that makes you gush from below.

He pulls the cock out just as slowly, the fake flesh glistening with his saliva. Once it was only the tip still sitting behind his lips, he pushed it all back in. Rinse and repeat, with a slowly increasing pace. You watched in awe at the skill you imagined having in your dreams, the ones where you stuff your windpipe with his firm lovetube without the worry of any limitations.

The wet sloshes and glugs sound ridiculously lewd, and he only adds to the vulgar medley with his deep moans. It’s when his free hand moves to start stroking himself that you begin to wonder if he forgot that you were here.

There’s no way you’re going to make him pleasure himself in your presence. You move his hand aside and apply your softer ones to his twitching manhood, moving at the same pace that he left off. Hizashi gave a loud moan of gratitude as he continued his enthusiastic sucking. You wanted so badly to put your own mouth to work, to put his advice to the test, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the erotic spectacle. It was insane; you didn’t think that anything could possibly distract you from his divine cockcalibur, but here you were discovering something more amazing than even that.

It should have been obvious, really. His mouth and golden tongue have sent you to heights you never would have reached on your own, whether it be from tangling with your own pink muscle, tasting every inch of your skin, or gorging himself on your womanly juices. Of course he also knew how to take a dick with skill that would make a pornstar green with envy.

You feel him tensing again. He’s getting close, and his noises were only getting louder and dirtier. You tried to match the speed of your pumps with the ones in his mouth, cocking his cum gun in preparation for the incoming eruption. The hero’s pleasure has you too excited; your other fingers begin to rub frantic circles around your clit.

Your sharp breaths join his moans as you work to bring both of you to your climaxes. For you, it’s the drool leaking down his chin that does you in. For him, it’s your dreamy wails of pleasure and the tightened grip on his cock.

The two of you tremble from your intense orgasms, Hizashi plunging the dildo balls deep into his throat again, as if it had its own seed to release into his body. Hot waves of bliss wash over you while Hizashi’s essence spurts onto your hand.

The sex toy is yanked out of his mouth with a loud raunchy sound that was both a moan and a choked gasp, several strands of saliva connecting his lips to the ends of the lucky pleasuring device. Strong shoulders lifted with each heavy breath as he regained his focus and turned to you.

“Fuck, I miss that,” he rasped while wiping at his mouth.

You answered with a shaky breath, watching him lick his reddened lips. “You’re…you’re amazing at that.”

He gave a laugh that devolved into a cough. Sounds like the rough deepthroating didn’t leave him as unscathed as he was letting on. “Thanks, babe. Sorry that I got a little lost in the moment. Just realized how long it’s been since someone’s gone wild with my mouth.”

Even after cumming, your face heats up at his comment. You couldn’t exactly provide him with that, not without a wanky wanger wienerschnitzel of your own.

“Say, you ever considered a strap-on, sweetheart?”

Oh?

“I’m just sayin’, the reason I was so into it...” He leans in to give you a wet kiss before moving right next to your ear. “...is because I was imagining it was you fucking my face.”

Your insatiable pussy throbs again as you smile.

Perhaps Hizashi’s cock isn’t the most blessed part of his body.

[vampire--dad]

Thank you for the tag @moonysourenza 💕💕

✨ Put your music library on shuffle, pick a fandom and match character(s) from that fandom for 10 songs you get. (Lyrics optional) ✨

Alright, let’s go lads. Let’s see what we get from my everyday playlist (which is a total mess. genre is meaningless to me)

1. Drop Dead - Badflower

Rare as a roast, the skin in her clothes

But she shivers like a beggar when she cries

—

Quick, pose for the vanity!

Clack clack with your high heels!

Quit messin' with the boys head!

Learn to love yourself, or drop dead

You take what you don't need

You keep fuckin', but you don't breed

Better off if you ask me

Learn to hate yourself, and love me

this one was hard but I eventually decided on Eskel and that succubus

2. why are you here - Machine Gun Kelly

I’m not myself

I’m not myself when you’re around, no

Can’t be helped

We are insane, that’s just the way it goes

I’m a demon in the night

She’s an angel with the white

Told me keep on all the lights

I’ma show you what you like

Help you put back on your clothes

Make sure nothing’s on your nose

Ain’t even tell my closest homies, nobody knows

ngl, MAJOR Geralt to Yen vibes with their whole on again/off again situation

3. Trip Switch - Nothing But Thieves

Sharing secrets with another world

Rubbing shoulders with some unknown lovers

Making waves through the universe

Starting wars with anonymous brothers

i get Ciri vibes just from these lyrics

4. Grey Leaves - Robert Hallow and The Holy Men

And though I may

Remember moonlit halls

The earth suits me better now

As does the sun

For night, it seems, can offer

Sleep, not rest

And must be used to dream

Of those grey leaves

i think Jaskier, thinking about the time he’s spent on the Path with Geralt. he remembers when he was a child, the “moonlit halls” of the Lettenhove House, but he’s older and “the earth suits [him] better now”

5. Heroin - Badflower

She’s in my head again

She knows where I have been

I’m going down that road again

She’s in my bed again

She marks her fingerprints in my skin

I breathe her perfume in

And it burns like heroin

once again, Yenralt vibes, the on again/off again, the perfume line immediately made me think of Yen

6. Toss A Coin To Your Witcher

this feels unfair

7. Promise Me-Acoustic - Badflower

We're getting old now

But I don't feel it

I say you're beautiful

And I still mean it

And I don't wanna know

What old age feels like

So promise me you won't

Give up on this life

And we'll be busy tryin'

While the rest of them are dyin'

Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna let go

I wanna stay young

And even when the wrinkles show up

We'll be laughing, and

We can play forever

Don't make me face the truth

okay OKAY ive been thinking about writing a Geraskier fic for this song for WEEKS. all of the talk of aging and still being happy and Geralt “not feeling” the age theyve both gained even though he knows hes going to lose Jaskier one day AAAAAAAAAAA

8. Warning Sign - The Amazons

Even if you say I'm wrong

You know I'm not the only one

Maybe it's a warning sign

You can barely sleep at night

You're acting like a loaded gun

Like you wanna hurt someone

Can you feel the water rise?

Maybe it's a warning sign

i cant completely explain why, but i get Lambert vibes. its mostly the “acting like a loaded gun.” im sure you get it

9. Despicable - grandson

One day you will understand

Why I pushed you away as I am

And you will find a better man than I am

Trust, I'm doing you a favor, doing you a favor

Despicable

I'm just a bottom feeder

Despicable

I ain't never been a keeper

Despicable

Love her then I leave her

And if I were you, I wouldn't love me neither

oh look its Geralt. our favourite self loathing bastard

10. Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park

When this began,

I had nothing to say

And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me

(I was confused)

And I let it all out to find that I'm not the only person with these things in mind (inside of me)

But all the vacancy the words revealed

Is the only real thing that I got left to feel (nothing to lose)

Just stuck, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own,

And the fault is my own

OLGIERD!! MY BOY!! Olgierd Von Everec, who had the best intentions and just didnt want to lose the woman he loved and suffered for it and IM STILL MAD ABOUT IT OKAY

that was fun!! so now that ive exposed my music taste to everyone here, im gonna tag @lovelyeskel @lohrendrell @feral-jaskier @patchwork-quilts @in-love-with-writing002

[monstaxardeur]

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎

It was a summer evening and you and Minhyuk were high on summer breeze and very much love drunk. He was a playful lover there was no doubt about that and he had you under his embrace on the couch that oddly perfectly fit you two, but only for cuddles. He nuzzled into your neck his soft bangs tickling you, making you laugh his favorite sound and he was uttering cheesy one-liners and you hugged him closer. "Y'know if I get diabetes it'll be cuz of you." He mumbled in between planting swift kisses to the side of your neck leaving you a little breathless at how he teased you. His hands grazed over the fabric of your sundress over all the sensitive places he remembered so well. Your head was in the clouds relishing in the moment until you focused on a word in between his sweet mumbles. "Would love to wife you up I swear to the fuckin’ gosh." And you sat up immediately, "What did you say?" Panic rushed onto Min realizing he could have messed up, ‘too soon he guessed’ and he smiled sheepishly. "Nothing. What did I say? I don't know." He shrugged it off and you got closer to him and saw his eyes widen, your grin widening as well. "Trust me I won't freak out but who is to say I won't tease you about this to the others." Min was even more mortified imagining that and you felt so powerful giggling evilly. "So you did say what I think you said? Spill it I wanna hear it." He pouted, frowning cutely and shook his head, "Look I'll do anything just don't tell anyone." He complained and there was a spark in your eye that he saw and initially, he was worried about your demand and gulped backing away a little but you pulled him close giving him a soft kiss on the lips. "Are you sure about that cuz I might just have something." Minhyuk's lips curled into a smile realizing where the request was leading yet he was still unsure until you leaned by his ear and whispered a small intimate request and Minhyuk's eyes darkened but the mischief in his eyes was bright. You were the one panicking all confused now about why he was grinning so wide as if he won a lottery ticket. "A deal is a deal, okay but I gotta admit you wasted your once in a lifetime opportunity over something like this? Baby you just needed to ask." He immediately hovered over you as you fell back on the couch and his lips hungrily latched on to your jaw and slowly moved towards your neck, wet bruising kisses that had you become a mess so quick. Lack of words from you made him chuckle. "What you thought I would turn back from such a request?" You nodded a big yes with that disbelief look, surprised at how he gave in so quick, eagerly too, "Uhh yeah?!" He backed up, with one arm holding him propped up, his other hand traced over your face as his thumb had him smearing your baby pink gloss even more before leaning down to nip at your bottom lip and he whispered to you, "I'll wreck you so fucking hard tonight baby." His words were doubled with a long rough stroke of his finger over your clothed clit and you almost gasped swallowing a moan and he only watched and relished the way you responded. His kiss was deeper this time and slow like a sweet poison setting in all the while his hands traced under your sundress in soft touches, he was such a mix of passion and gentle love it was quite something. "Baby can we not on the couch please." You requested in between kisses and he 'hmmd' breaking off the kiss.

Minhyuk led you by the hand to his bedroom and let you get comfy on the bed as he dimmed the lights for mood lighting and immediately pulled off his shirt over his head that had you reaching out to him, pulling him over you kissing him with much more fervour, all restraints of shyness diminishing in his familiar arms and the safe confines of his room. Clothes were slowly being flung left and right until there was nothing between you two. Minhyuk's lips trailed down your frame, slowly taking his sweet time. His hands fondling your sensitive perked buds, groping at your chest earning a whining moan from you and he kept going lower. The first time that is, this was your request apparently, he pried open your legs and saw your cheeks flush, "You don't have to do it you know-" Your words broke off and you hissed at the wet kisses he planted inside your thighs, wet kisses that turned into marks that were meant to stay, he was teasing again and when the urge reached its limits your hands ran between your legs to feel some friction. "Tch tch no touching yourself." he gently pulled your hand away and you felt the warmth of his tongue flat against your aching core down there. You whimpered at the sensation, back arching and Minhyuk spared no time in applying pressure, he let his thumb rub vigorously over your clit as his tongue teased the nerves at your entrance. You had been loud before when you had sex with your boyfriend but somehow today it hit different to him. The blood was rushing straight to his crotch and it wasn't helping that he was already so hard for you, had been for a good while now. You eventually mewled his name softly and he let go before inserting a digit inside of you, and then another and he crawled back over you kissing you almost hungrier, needier and bit on your lip harshly, "Do you like how you taste yourself on me hmm?" He teased while asking and you were a moaning mess unable to respond. Your hands had been clawing lightly at his torso before trailing down and you held his throbbing member giving it a few strokes. He broke, spewing curses, burying his face in your neck. His fingers inside of you had slowed down and although you disliked the feeling of emptiness you removed his hand and sat up a little still moving your hand up down his shaft. You nipped at his defined jaw and collarbones with your gloss smeared lips and started littering his chest as he hissed each time, purple-blue marks bloomed all over his chest and collarbones and in between kisses you looked up at his blissed-out face, he was the most beautiful thing you'd seen in that moment. You reached out to his bedside grabbing the packet of protection and put it on him before proceeding to straddle him. Minhyuk held you in his arms and helped you to align with himself. It felt so familiar to do this now, he entered and stretched you out so good you moaned almost a little too loud. Your nails already beginning to dig his back with harsh marks. You moved needy as ever having been left on the edge, you both moved to find the right rhythm, your hands holding him in a light choke with broken kisses because the feeling was overwhelming that built up. His soft raspy moans at feeling your walls around him fueled you. Minhyuk was not the type to go rough but sometimes he would wild out and you can’t deny loving it. His fingers knotted in your hair gripping your head back to bite down on your neck. You cried from pleasure and you cried out his name earning a groan from him. His pace picked up and he rasped, "I want to hear you baby, be loud for me, scream my name." He pushed you on your back and wrapped your legs around him wanting more access and moved deeper. You started to cry out his name in whines first until you slowly got louder, you were close, so close it was driving you wild, your walls finally clenched around him and you swallowed that last moan with your head thrown back in euphoric pleasure. His name chanted off your lips in a faint whisper like prayer and that was all that he needed to come crashing with a grunt and he panted riding out his pleasured high. "Fuck I love you Min." you panted reaching out to hold his face in your palms. "Well that's good or I’d be worried I’m the only one whose knee-deep in love with you." He panted back and you smiled, beaming from bliss, giving him a firm kiss and mumbled in between, "I guess I can be wifed up then." He broke the kiss and looked at you a little confused, "I know we agreed to take it slow...despite me wanting to dive headfirst into all of this whenever I’m with you..." You were blissed out in love from having had connected with someone physically and emotionally and you knew he was too since he’d voiced it on numerous occasions. He held your hand that’d been resting on his chest over his heart and he kissed your palms. "I think I’ve already dived headfirst into our love" He replied and you giggled and lightened the mood as he proceeded to pull up the covers over you both. "But hey until then we can make good use of all the tension that builds between us for angsty lovemaking." Minhyuk smiled that mischievous smile, "Mhmm, is that so? Well then I'll make sure to drive you up the wall." There was mirthful laughter in the bedroom, just two insanely in love people having made love and talking about their forever after.

~

You both had had a lot to think after that day but you had a sudden gut feeling, an affirmation of sorts and you had decided to let him know. You were nervous of course when you stepped out of the bathroom in just the towel wrapped around you, you were getting ready to change for bed. Minhyuk was just examining his face in the mirror as he casually took off his suit blazer since you two had just come home from a nice, fancy date. It had been dreamy and perfect and had furthermore grounded your decision. "Minhyuk I've been thinking a lot about us and I don't mean to freak you out or pressure you but I just needed to let you know." You were going on about it and Min just stepped forward with his hands in his pocket a soft smile on his lips as if he knew what you were going to say and he was perhaps waiting. "I think I’m ready to- wait, no; scratch that, I AM ready for us, for you and me together.” Your paused before continuing, “all the daydreaming about moving in together and getting a furbaby and everything...and perhaps when the time's right you can wife me up too." You mumbled and trailed off the last part a little nervously while fiddling with your fingers, looking away. All you felt was a soft smooch, a kiss to your forehead that made you look up at him and he was smiling endearingly, like a puppy, beaming. It was sincere and honest and he held up your hands kissing your knuckles. "I was sure one of these days it would happen, I was very sure..." He looked away feeling his voice crack, and hid the faint traces of tears that were welling up, he found it odd he was being so emotional over this but he was just a boy in love. You hugged him and a few tears escaped your eyes as you felt the emotions run high. "I love you Min...I mean it with every fiber of my being." He wrapped his arms around you hearing you say that, in a protective strong hug, the kind that makes you feel safe and at home. "And I love you with all my heart and soul.." He replied there was a comforting silence in that moment until he added cutely, “...wifey.” and made you chuckle.

New foundations of love, trust, empathy and sincerity grounded the seeds of a forever home that day. For you and your sunshine~

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, KAT! You’ve been accepted for the role of OTHELLO. Admin Rosey: So, one thing that’s really difficult to highlight without overemphasizing is Othello’s dichotomy and his constant conflict. Sometimes you can focus so wholly on one aspect of a character that it’s overwhelming. But Kat, you write Odin so effortlessly, so FREAKING effortlessly that you capture it throughout the application as an integral part of his character -- interweaving it into the plot, the sample, even the “what drew you to this character” section. I am completely blown away and utterly terrified of what havoc you’re going to wreak on the dash. I am screaming over this application and I always will, time and time again. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Kat Age | 25 Preferred Pronouns | She/her Activity Level | OK so my classes went online and my job has cut staff in half so I have so much free time and so much muse. Listen…. LISTEN I know I’m not always reliable but it’s game time lemme say like at least twice a week, I’m here for the haul let’s write baby!!!!!!!!!!! Timezone | EST How did you find the rp? | I originally came across it in the lsrpg tag, also my girl Taryn recommended it and also I miss y’all :( Current/Past RP Accounts | These are links to inactive past accounts:

https://neosy.tumblr.com/ https://grchcmisms.tumblr.com/ https://99gael.tumblr.com/ https://halogenq.tumblr.com/ https://odinbellc.tumblr.com/ ;) https://pavellam.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Othello, Odin Bello – requesting faceclaim change to Trevante Rhodes :^) What drew you to this character? |

Through my first experience writing Odin I learned a lot about both him and myself as a writer. He was initially a challenge for me because at my roots I was never someone successful in writing characters with good intent, the easier side of him being the one of violence and chaos, something that was difficult considering more often than not… that isn’t who Odin is, or more fittingly, who he wants to be. I struggled with his daily life, the man he tries so hard to be and who he’s used to becoming over the years and I realized that was the key in; the struggle. I’ve teetered around writing for a while recently, the desire and the muse not being there for me when I remembered my dear, dear, Odin and for a split second I wondered about him. Such an interesting thing, to wonder about a character, to dive deep into your mind’s eye and ask, “How is he doing, I wonder? The man of gold and copper, the being of olympus and hades? How is my boy?” And realizing the responsibility of creating and finding that out is all mine. It felt like seeing a past lover in the check out line, wide eyes as you remember the missed calls and blocked number, and realize how fuckin’ good they look today and, damn, were stupid for leaving them.

Dearest Odin, please take me back. I miss you so dearly. I’ll try hard not to leave you so suddenly this time, that was my bad.

Who am I to fool myself? My heart always brings me back to him. Feed me an optimist with nothing but a history of failure, rocks beating down on a pristine marble surface til the cracks spell misery. It’s all his fault, the pain, suffering, and failure… but he tries so hard. It’s as if he’s doomed from the beginning, the first cries from his mouth as a child, a bad omen, the first steps he takes, the small tottering of a baby, were faced in the wrong direction. Some people are born bad, some people are cultivated as such, and Odin, at his root, is a demon in disguise even despite his most valiant efforts; it’s a nature he fights everyday and, oh, the battle grows bloodier and bloodier.

The rest may look familiar to you:

I’ve always been a sucker for a good heart and bruised knuckles.

Such beauty and chaos, such destruction and uncertainty, an aching heart that slips through your fingers as you struggle to grasp it, begging it to hold still. He shakes and struggles with nature and nurture, who he should be and who he wants to be, and more importantly, what he’s become. He feels the remorse and pain of it everyday when he wakes and each night he goes to sleep – for a time he managed to be the person he worked so hard to be. It crumbled under his feet and his developing insanity, the rumble of his father’s ways breaking the ground under his skin and causing something of a snap, a moment of true obscurity. He hates himself for it, but he cannot yet again break his mold, he cannot become someone else. His will is cracking, his heart breaking.

Give me his nuance, give me his pain, give me his turmoil, and oh, please, give me his struggle; the desperate gasp of collapsed lungs and a tattered chest. I cannot stress how beautiful I find him, the feeling in my ribcage so solemn at his childhood and forthcoming, his painful attributes and breaking spirit. A man who shows his kindness through terror and bloodshed, so intent on being a good person that he’d tear the throat of a thief with his teeth.

Yes, I’ve found love.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

(I have new ideas but lord, do I struggle with formulating plot ideas in this format so I’m just gunna keep the same ones because of such and because I DO in fact still want to play them out.)

MEN SHOULD BE WHAT THEY SEEM //

Oh, can the flash of his teeth brighten a room. His smile is bright but, these days, so rarely genuine. He no longer knows who he is truly fighting for, what side of the coin he lays on with his copper spinning on its side in a never ending spiral. He does not know where he belongs, nor, who he truly is and it plagues him in a way that’s all too familiar, a way that feels like his mother’s comfort and his father’s recklessness, the smell of alcohol on someone’s tongue when they speak and the feeling of a caress on skin. He needs to make a choice, a permanent decision for once in his life, pick his path and follow it to the end instead of cutting through the woods once more. Who are you, Odin? His own face in the mirror becoming more unfamiliar in each passing day, a building anxiety and insanity, a hurricane creating a disaster inside him. Who are you?

His reflection tired, tainting his handsome face and false expressions, a hunger growing just under the surface, a desperation so hot; who will you be?

FOR SHE HAD EYES AND CHOSE ME //

Delilah, oh, how she filled something inside of him, and oh, how he tore into the filled space as if rabid, as if being whole was too much to bear, the filled space too heavy, and the paranoia of losing it all creasing his forehead and melting in his palms.

So he did what he does best, and he ripped through the plaster and insulation like a hammer, shattered the glass and caused the empty space to bleed. It hasn’t stopped aching, despite his insistence that it has healed, sometimes he still wakes with his shirt soaked in blood, drenched in suffering. How can he learn to forgive? He learned his lessons but the morals cannot seem to stick, the weakness he caused in his own self and the horror he caused for the woman he loved – loves, still finding its way through his mind and heart. He seeks self forgiveness just as much if not more than he seeks hers. He cannot move on without finding solace or closure but those are two things so hard to capture and accept. Sometimes, he feels so much like his father with his past misgivings it stirs disgust.

It’s time to repent.

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER //

Ivan is a scab, an infection that Odin refuses to treat. He’s become cautious, wearily aware of betrayal in the past and more on the horizon. He has a feeling, a ponderance that keeps him up at night, the sends shocks through his veins. He hates to think of his friend, his family, as a traitor, as a monster in disguise seeking to antagonize the worst parts of Odin himself, but it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore. It scrapes the back of his mind, creates an itch that he cannot scratch no matter how deep he digs, no matter if the skin starts bleeding, it won’t go away. How does he cut out another piece of his life, another piece of himself so vital? It feels like he is losing those most important to him, that they’re all turning on him and it creates nothing but fear, more paranoia and uncertainty.

He wants so desperately to be wrong, but knows what will happen if he is not.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | If anyone deserves to die at some point in this rp I feel like Odin’s a good contender to get fuckin’ GANKED

IN DEPTH

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Para Sample:

Act I

The sun beats down on darkened skin, wind blowing through open cruiser windows, sunglasses adorned on his face and a holder keeps track of coffees. In the daylight he glistens – not in a literal sense of glowing skin and eyes, he does not hover over the earth as if ethereal, not a streak against the sky that blinds any human eyes that dare linger, but instead in the sense that no one could ever find the man to be anything but happy. His teeth, those straight, white, teeth that come alive in a smile and clear rooms with a sneer peek from behind pulled lips in a grin. He walks with a swagger, bearing gifts in coffee for other officers and sharp humor and barked laughs for poor moods. He so easily falls into the facade of being created from nothing but light and the body of Christ, a saint in all regards except moral, light jests greeting all who perceive him and all who engage.

Well groomed, upkept and clean, there was no reason to suspect anything was amiss in the crook of his grins, the sharp of his wit, the movements of his muscles under skin. He even makes arrests like a holy man, like someone with something to lose to violence. His hands rest on the steering wheel, music plays from the stereo and he nods his head, every other line finding its way out of his lips even in no one’s presence but his own. He isn’t playing a character in the moment, enjoying the everydayness of the outside world, the warmth of the air touching his limbs and being sucked into his lungs. He feels joy, he embodies it, he hovers with it. His foot eases off the gas at the turn of a light and one hand finds itself resting outside the drivers window, head cocked to the side, heart beating steadily in his chest – firm and ever present in the strength of his pulse.

A human being in all forms; a person, a person, a person, and his phone rings.

Pulling in the parking lot he answers the call, the perspective outside leaves the voice on the other end muffled as it’s pressed to his ear, his face falling ever so slightly, car pushed into park. He nods even though the speaker cannot see him, he makes a sound of understanding as they continue and suddenly something is more solid inside of him. The fluidity, the liquid that flowed between sunlight and good music steels itself against the reality of his life, of who he is and what he is to do, the lake jostled and good-feelings distorted. It’s not for the faint of heart, not created for those with poor constitution, and he is a police officer until ten tonight; that’s what he says to the voice on the other end so they tell him to have it done by eleven. He does not hesitate until he hangs up, a sigh of the last good breath leaving his lungs. A moment of silence for what he lost.

He grabs the coffees and heads inside.

Act II

The headlights send streaks through the night, the yellow color sending shadows running rampant across the near empty field – long and sickly. The air is not still but choked, a vice grip stealing the oxygen away from those who dared attempt breathing. There stood a figure in the darkness, large shoulders over a larger frame, muscles tightened as he digs and digs, the shovel breaking the earth harshly with each bend of his arms. His breathing is rough, like a rubber band pulled to full capacity trying to bend and break to fit the expansion of his lungs. The shovel carries on.

The silence that hung heavy around the lone sound of crumbling dirt could kill in its own regard; ringing in his ears as he ignores the shower curtain wrapped in duct tape buried in the back corners of his trunk. Odin’s mind is empty to everything but the task, split skin and dried blood from his face and knuckles, the bruises adorning his ribcage. Perhaps it was self defense for the sake of defense, he threw the first punch but it was returned just as well and by then, truly, the control was lost. It was what they had wanted to happen, and he was nothing if not complicit. He supposed that was what they liked about him, another body, a bloodhound. Caving for the sake of therapy, sober by daylight and drenched in sweat and blood by nighttime –  if only to keep his sanity. He was nothing if not built of power and control in both physical and mental regards over everyone but himself.

Try to carve a better god out of wood, put him on a pedestal and pray all you’d like, the real sacrifice will come in blood much later – but this flesh and bone, that which has created the man who finds himself up to his chest in dirt standing at over six feet, he is paid now and up front. He is solid, and real.

He straightens up, dirt caked to his jeans and soiled t-shirt, sweat broken across his skin making him shine under the glare of the headlight, the sheen making him appear as if glowing under the half exposed moon. He plants his hands on the outside on the deepened earth and pulls himself out, breathing hard through his nose, a noise like a grunt, face twisted, teeth appearing behind pulled lips. He stares at the dip of the trunk, chest moving, knuckles tightening, shovel thrown to the side. He isn’t even halfway done yet; he gathers himself, and pulls the latch free.

Act III

(TW: self harm kind of)

The neighborhood is still and quiet, blackness behind every window and curtain at such an ungodly hour, the only sounds being the low rumble of the occasional car passing on the main road nearby. In the stillness there begins a movement, the shape of a tall man shaking open the gate leading to the back of a house, his clothes defiled and leaving trails. He strips in the backyard of the home; shoes, socks, shirt, and jeans forming a pile of mud and dirt by the sliding glass doors until he stands in his boxers, fingers unlocking the back door, the cold of the night wetting trails down his back and sides, whispering to his skin. He walks slowly to avoid making any noise, the sound of keys hitting the granite of a kitchen countertop. Even despite how delicately he walks, the mass of his body makes the stairs protest lowly when his feet find them.

The man first goes to the bathroom, the light flicked on as he tries to avoid his face in the mirror. He is not the same creature that caused the blood to pool in his wounds, not the same monster with dirt caked under his nails – not here, he can’t be; not in front of her. He turns on the shower, body directed towards a corner of the bathroom while he waits for the water to heat, staring blankly at the space where the two walls meet, hands twitching, brain fighting not to think, the sound of static until smoke fills the room. The adrenaline still pumps through his veins, the wild-eyed insanity created by anger and a lack of self control, the rush of the final blow still stinging in the shaking of his muscles. The water turns first brown from the dirt adorning his limbs, then becoming a far more sinister red when he submerges his face and hands, he washes himself slowly, rubbing at his back and shoulders, the sweat off of his skin, the searing pain of smoking water near boiling scalding the back of his neck. He doesn’t allow himself to think, not now, not yet. He doesn’t hum or sing, doesn’t talk to himself, but instead thinks only of his actions as they happen or nothing at all.

He doesn’t know how long he stands under the water, so hot it scalds, burns off the sin and the disgust, scrubbing and scrubbing until he could feel himself beginning to cause harm, wounding, convincing himself he’s becoming clean until he forces his hand, stopping the running water. He stands even longer still, his wet skin freezing over in the silence of the steamed room. Finally when he finds himself ready, he dries off until he feels pristine, the wash of the shower head like a baptism into the form of a different man, a new mold built into his model. Only then does he look in the mirror, eyes meeting the reflection of a handsome man, a cursed man, a martyr only in the sense of self respect and fear. His eyes are tired, his face adorning new cuts and scratches, bruises blooming his sides under skin and over muscle. He aches all over. He bares his teeth at the reflection and it does it right back, a snarl of bright white, the bones straight and sharp, and his eyes so quickly become frightening. He turns away.

Odin’s face peers around the door of a new room, hands finding covers and the soft sound of a woman waking. She turns to him, her face telling of sleep and her lips turned slightly down in a frown, her hands finding his chest, wrapping around his torso, her face in his neck, breath fanning over that damn skin of his and she says, “Long night?”

His fingers trail down the back of her shirt, fingertips pressing to the small of her exposed back stretched between her clothes and he hums quietly, face buried in her hair, body melting and moving to fit hers more comfortably, grip tight to squeeze her form, to hold onto something solid, to find his anchor. “Always, baby. Go back to sleep.” He says in a low voice, something comfortable, something familiar there, as if he’s smiling. She makes a noise of acceptance, curling even further towards him, as if a safety, sinking even further as his fingers trail up and down her back, soothing, as to not allow her to be distraught. Delilah was always the one he worried about, not concerning himself with the rotting inside his own chest, the ache of something breaking within him. He fights with the inability to sleep while the rush of the night still feeds inside of him. He does not concern himself with what little is left of him because while he is with her he is safe from the part of himself that only consumes, he is not concerned with the fragility of his own being, not while he breathes in the heat radiating off of l'amore della sua vita.

Meanwhile, miles and miles away, something begins to rot under the cover of freshly turned Earth.

Extras: I made a tag for him a long time ago and haven’t touched it much since tbh but like I'ma probably add stuff the next few days so this 4 u: https://hypnosreigns.tumblr.com/tagged/character:%20odin%20bello

[talltalesandbedtimestories]

A View To A Winchester (Part 11)

Series Page

Summary: Julie’s starting a new life after divorce in a home with a very nice view.

A Dean X OFC story. I got this idea staring out the view of my home office window and thinking how nice it would be to have Dean Winchester to ogle.

Section Word Count: 5,570    

Section Content: fluff, flirting, angst, R-rated language, show level violence

~~~~~

Dean sipped slow at the steaming black coffee he’d picked up on his way to Cas’s house. Way too fuckin’ early. A dude in his sixties, walking a yippy Yorkshire, squinted hard at Dean biding time in Baby outside the tiny two bedroom cottage belonging to Castiel Novak. Tempted to give him the middle finger, Dean instead opted for a two finger friendly salute with a grin. The elder man continued down the sidewalk, his reflection eventually caught by Dean in the rearview mirror. He passed behind the Impala, stopped right at the tailpipe, and took a mental note of the license plate.

“Come on, man.” Dean mumbled to himself. “I can only handle so much stupid this early. The POS dog saved its owner, pulling him across the street and yapping the whole damn way.

He yawned and leaned back in his seat. The time on his watch confirmed it was way too early to be up and out of the house on a Saturday morning. Especially when he wasn’t on a job. Especially when, if Cas hadn’t shown up, he’d probably be in Julie’s bed sleeping. He grinned. Probably not sleeping.

No, Dean was pretty sure he would have woken Julie up very early to do more of what he wished they’d done last night. When he’d gotten back to his house after saying goodbye, he’d attempted to explain the term cockblocking to Cas. Cas had sat on the couch with perfect posture. He listened, as he always did when Dean explained something, with that dazed and confused expression. Dean paced back and forth in a state of irritability and arousal. “Do you know how long it’s been, Cas, since I’ve had a piece of ass?”

“I believe you’ve gotten pieces of ass more recently than I have, Dean. My last sexual encounter was with the reaper, April.” Cas had experienced much in his human form, but he still felt like an innocent, humorless child to Dean in moments like this.

“Piece of…” Dean shook his head. “Nevermind. Look, it’s been a long fuckin’ time, okay?”

Cas stared at the cushion between his open legs, processing. “My intrusion prevented you from reaching orgasm with Julie.” He stared back at Dean with a head tilt and puppy dog eyes. “I am sorry.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Whatever.”

Cas had then gone on about the troubles he was having with Jack. Dean took it all in and promised he’d come over bright and early the next morning to try and talk to the kid. Cas still looked perplexed as Dean scooted him out of the house, explaining they wouldn’t be playing cards that night.

The grass in front of Cas’s house was drenched in dew. A thin film of grey fog hung low in the air. Dean sipped hard and long at the coffee. He let the strong brew settle on his tongue and inhaled the dark roast aroma he craved. He needed the caffeine to do its job this morning. He’d only clocked a couple hours of sleep. It was nothing new. But he could usually catch up on the insomnia in the late morning when he was home. Not today. There were things on his agenda after he took care of this unpleasant family business. They would require way more energy than what he currently had to expend with Jack and Cas.

Julie is number one on my to do list. The other items being all the things I want to do to Julie.

His cock had begged for attention all night and morning. Even now, sitting in the driver’s seat, he could feel his semi press with insistence against the denim. But he’d refrained. It wasn’t like he hadn’t beat off to thoughts of Julie before. It had become a daily, sometimes multiple times a day, occurrence since that first night after he tasted her cobbler. He’d dropped the phone immediately after the text conversation had ended, letting her know how good her sweet treat had been, and jerked off imagining how sweet she tasted.

After getting a hint of what she tasted like last night, he was hell bent on having her wrapped around him the next time he came. He leaned back in his seat and tilted the rearview mirror to confirm he had that cheesy ass grin on his face from his thoughts of her. This is bad. The dissatisfaction of how Julie was getting under his skin battled with the want to experience this other feeling fully. You’re just gonna fuck it up. Can’t do normal. Tried it once and it didn’t stick. And, she’s too sweet to hurt.

Lisa had been sweet, too. But Lisa had a streetsmart edge that made her a kickass single mom long before Dean came into the picture. Plus, Lisa and Ben had the benefit of having their minds erased - thanks, Cas - of Dean’s existence after he’d put their lives in danger from being a part of his. If Dean tried the experiment again with Julie, there’d be no “Men in Black” take-it-back wipe. The once angel, now human, had lost his power after the final battle that had righted this world back on its axis two years ago. Jack was all human now, too.

The lack of celestial backup had been the hardest adjustment after over a decade of relying on it as a fail-safe. Dean could only imagine how it was for Cas. They’d had a few heart to hearts over whiskey, which now knocked Cas on his ass after one shot. The brother from another father had been to the mat for him and Sam more times than Dean could count. Helping save the world and giving up everything that made him special dropped Cas into a world of trivial every day that he would never snap out of. Not until he died. Which was another mindfuck for Cas. After centuries, he would die. There would be a finality to all of it. But, I’ll have my own version of heaven to look forward too, Dean. That’s something. I won’t be swallowed up by the empty and cease to be. My soul will be at peace. Dean had clapped his friend’s shoulder as he cried, realizing the same would happen to Jack. Someday.

After two years of keeping your nose as far out of normal as possible, you’ve got to go and mess with this sweet woman.

Dean tilted his head and started that inner debate he’d done too many times lately. To be fair, she started sniffing around me first.

Get off your high horse, asshole. You’ve been sniffed around dozens of times before and steered clear. You’re lonely and she’s so far from what you deserve that you’re curious. You wanna see if you can make something stick. Like Sammy has with Eileen.

Sammy’s moved on and is trying to build a life. Why shouldn’t I?

Because you’re a speeding train with non-existent brakes heading straight towards the edge of a cliff, that’s why. Fucking train wreck on bow legs.

The phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out. Julie was calling. It was 7:30 am. The emotional lashing removed from his psyche, swiped away with Baby’s windshield wipers. It was replaced by that feeling she’d been stirring up within him more lately. It was more than arousal. He denied himself to define it. If he did, it might disappear.

He accepted the call on the fourth ring while clearing his throat. “Well, good morning, beautiful.”

“Hey, Dean.” Her voice was lighter this morning, more like the tone he was used to hearing. Not that he at all minded the lower, commanding pitch of the indecent woman he got a preview of last night. Shit. His erection was growing. He shifted in his seat.

“Couldn’t wait for me to check in first, huh?”

She laughed. “Guess not. I didn’t see your car when I got up this morning. Things okay?”

“Yeah. Things are good.” He grinned and tapped a button on his phone.

“Are you trying to FaceTime me?”

“Sounds dirty.”

She laughed again. “Everything sounds dirty to you.” She sighed trying to sound done with him, but he knew she wasn’t. “Hold on.” He held the phone back. His screen only provided a quick preview of his own state. Bags under his eyes and unshaven, he didn’t look as put together as the night before.

The screen switched to a view of Julie. Her brown hair was up in a bun. The hair looked freshly washed as did the rest of her enticing olive colored skin. When I make her blush it’s got splotches of cotton candy pink all over it. He appreciated the slope and curve of her neck. Big, brown almond-shaped eyes stared him down, studying him, from behind glasses. He’d put her in the role of hot librarian in a few of his release sessions. He particularly liked the one where she was bent over a desk and he was fucking her from behind hard enough to knock books off nearby shelves. He had a sneaking suspicion she’d be up for that kind of roleplaying. He really liked her in those tight button up shirts she wore to work a lot.

Her voice brought him out of his erotic daydreaming. “You’re lucky I’m presentable. Or, I would have denied you.” She quipped. There it was, that little hint of dominance. It came out on occasion and thrilled him with the facets and possibilities of this seemingly normal, but very interesting, woman. “Where are you?”

“Outside Cas’s house.”

“You’re over Cas’s already?”

“Yeah. He asked if I’d talk to the kid. I had to get here early.” She sipped at her large mug of coffee and sat at her kitchen table. “Jack’s apparently planning a trip to visit a girl he met online. Was going to buy a plane ticket and leave today.”

Julie’s already big eyes widened farther. “Wow. When you say kid…”

Dean scratched at the stubble. “He’s twenty. Kid to me. Plus, Jack’s also…” He opened his mouth to attempt a description but shook his head instead.

Julie grinned. “Special?”

Dean nodded. “Must be hereditary.” Or a common “I was once an angel and I’m trying to figure out how to be human” thing. Fuck my life. How would this woman ever understand and be okay with even an ounce of this insanity?

“Still there? I think you froze.”

Dean had gone into his thoughts long enough for Julie to think the connection had been lost. “I’m here.” He cleared his throat. “It’s been tough. Cas tried to shelter him from a lot of things. Can’t control him anymore.”

Julie shrugged. “Well, no, of course not. He’s his own person. He’s going to have to make mistakes and learn from them.”

“Yeah. This might end up being more of an intervention for Cas, I think.”

She gave him a slight smile. “I hope things go well.”

“Thanks.” His mouth perked up. “What are you doing later?”

Julie grinned. “Wasn’t planning on much today. Run some errands after breakfast. Lazy Saturday.”

“Can I come by?”

Her eyes lit up. “Of course. But you might want to rest up first. You look tired.”

He puckered his lips together in thought before he asked, “are you planning to wear me out?”

She nodded. “Lots of pent up frustration I need to get out.”

His tongue swiped over his top lip. “Can’t wait.”

That produced a giggle and shake of her head. “Bye, Dean.” She waved a few fingers in front of her face.

“Bye, Jules.” She ended the call first. He didn’t think he would have been able to. He much rather preferred hiding in his car, staring at that pretty face, than having to go and do something even close to parenting with Jack. Hell, I’ll be parenting Cas today, too.

He groaned along with the hinges of Baby’s driver side door as he got out.

~~~~~

Dean drove back into his neighborhood and past Julie’s house around two o’clock. Her little blue compact wasn’t under the carport. Damn toy car. He shook his head. At least it’s a Chevy.

Dean had taken a sensible approach with Jack. When he got down to the nuts and bolts of it all, the kid was bored and looking for an adventure. And horny as hell. Something Dean could easily relate to at that particular moment. It took some time, but Dean convinced him to save up his earnings from his upcoming summer job. If things were still hot and heavy long distance with this girl, he should take a trip to see her in Texas during Winter break. For now, Dean enlightened him to the beauty and intricacies of sexting and phone sex. Jack was all smiles by the time Dean had left Cas’s house.

Once Dean pulled into his own driveway, he texted Julie. Just got home. Going to pass out. Call when you get home. I’ll jump the fence and be right over. He smirked, happy with the blend of eagerness and cheese in his composition. A decision to shower before his nap set him back fifteen minutes. The warm water relaxed and the steam released the residual alcohol from his pores. Sleep was merciful and came as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He stirred and was half-woken up to Wes’s voice drifting in from his open bedroom window. A pillow was about to be used to muffle the disruption when he identified another voice and cocked his head to listen.

Brigida? What the hell is she doing here? Dean moaned. Ugh, am I gonna get cockblocked by the feisty little Italian mother, too?

“It’s not like Giulia. I told her to come by and pick up some sausage and peppers I made. She said she’d be by around 11:00. And, now, she’s not picking up her phone. It doesn’t even ring, Wes. Just goes to that voicemail. And the map thingy says she’s here still. What does that mean?”

Wes mumbled something Dean couldn’t quite make out. He reached for his phone on the nightstand and checked the screen. No notifications appeared. He tapped his messages to make sure he hadn’t missed a reply from Julie. Nothing. His lips pursed. He tried to call her. Straight to voicemail. His heart sped up when he noticed the time. Six o’clock.

Dean shot up in bed, already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He pulled on some sneakers and hurried out to the backyard.

Brigida stood near the divide between Julie and Wes’s backyard. A large aluminum tray rested on her forearms and her purse dangled at the elbow. Wes was at his grill down near the edge of his own driveway. She and Wes both turned to Dean at his approach toward the fenceline.

“Dean-ah. Have you seen Giulia today?” There was no smile on her face in the greeting. The little lady was on a mission.

“I haven’t, Brigida.” His hands gripped the fence. “Everything alright?”

She shook her head. Her mouth opened and shut. “I- it’s not like her.” Her lips began to quiver.

Aw, hell. Dean jumped over the fence and rushed to Brigida. He pulled one of the patio chairs close to her short, stocky frame. Easing her to sit, he removed the warm tray from her grip and placed it on the table.

Wes came to her side with a pair of greasy tongs in hand. “I’m sure it’s nothing and Julie’s alright, Mamma.” Wes bumbled out the soothing statement. A stale stench of alcohol and pot emanated from the hippie.

Dean knelt down to talk to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Did you knock on her door, ring the doorbell, Brigida?”

She nodded.

He pressed further. “Don’t you have a key? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you let yourself in to check on her.”

“Wes told me he saw her leave earlier. And, I didn’t want to go in there by myself.” Her eyes darted to Wes and back to Dean. She leaned in and tried her best to whisper. “I thought, if she was home, she might be busy and didn’t want to walk in on… well, now that I know you were at your house and alone…”

Dean waited for more clarification. Someone else might have missed the tiniest of smiles on her aging lips. But, not Dean. “When I talked to her this morning, she said she might be seeing you later. Told me she had a nice time on your date last night.”

Wes tapped his tongs together at that bit of information. Dean smiled. Warmth shot over his cheeks. “Ah. Well, when I got home this afternoon her car wasn’t here.”

“When was that?” Brigida asked.

“About two.”

“Should we call the police?” Brigida pulled her phone out of her purse.

Dean shook his head. “Police won’t do anything. They’ll say it’s only been a few hours, really, since anyone’s heard…”

“It’s not like her.” Brigida repeated. “Something’s wrong.”

Dean nodded and patted her shoulder again. He’d only known Julie for a few weeks but even he knew something wasn’t right. From their texts and conversations, he’d found out a lot about the relationship she had with her mother. They were extraordinarily close. Their communications were daily.

Brigida wouldn’t be left waiting around without an explanation. Julie would have known it would result in a car ride over to check to see what happened. It made no difference that her adult daughter was competent and independent. Even if there was some possible hanky panky going on with Dean, Brigida made it abundantly clear she’d knock on doors and ring doorbells and wait in a backyard until her daughter told her everything was fine. This woman, who immigrated from Italy with no more than an elementary school education, was a fierce protector who would not be ignored. Dean made a mental note to not get on her bad side.

But first, they had to find Julie.

“I saw Julie leave around ten. I was working on the garden.” Wes piped in.

By now, Samuel had come out of the house and wandered over to the discussion. “What’s wrong?”

“Julie’s missing.” Wes stated.

“Missing?” Samuel’s eyes bugged out in alarm.

Dean stood up, his hand still on Brigida’s shoulder. He could feel her beginning to shake. “She’s not missing.” He attempted to defuse the escalation and nodded down to Brigida. “We’re just trying to figure out what might be keeping her out this long. She hasn’t been in contact with anyone.”

Samuel nodded back at Dean and placed a hand on Wes’s shoulder as well. Dean knew Samuel would try to redirect his partner with the phrasing of his words. “She did leave around ten. I was taking care of the flower beds out front.” Samuel snapped a finger. “She talked to that woman passing out those flyers, Wes.”

“Flyers?”

Samuel clarified. “Missing dog. She came by our porch and asked if we’d keep an eye out, right before she went over to Julie’s.”

“Pretty chocolate lab.” The expression on Wes’s face about the dog matched Brigida’s, thinking about Julie. “Where’s that flyer?” Wes slipped from under Samuel’s grip and went towards the direction of the grill. Man needs a leash. Dean shook his head.

Samuel sighed. “Julie seemed to know her. They talked for a few minutes at the end of her driveway. I’d gone back into the house for something. I saw Julie’s car driving up the lane when I came back out.”

“But, you’ve never seen that woman before?”

Samuel shook his head.

Wes shot back with the flyer and handed it to Dean. Aside from a picture and the name of the dog, there was only a number to call if someone could provide information. Dean turned the paper over but there was nothing on the back. A detail about Wes and Samuel’s house popped into his head. “You guys have one of those doorbell cameras, don’t you?”

Samuel smiled. “Yep.” He pulled out his phone, already going into the app to pull up the time in question.

“How about I get you something to eat, Mamma?” Wes asked Brigida.

She waved a hand in silence.

“Here it is.” Samuel passed his phone over to Dean.

He squinted at the video, impressed with the image’s clarity. His eyes widened in recognition. “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” Brigida, Wes, and Samuel asked in unison.

“I’ve seen Cocoa’s owner before. Last night, actually. At the restaurant we went to. She did know Julie.” Dean’s mind started putting puzzle pieces together.

“Maybe she’ll know where she was going.” Brigida exclaimed.

Dean raised a finger and pulled out his phone. He copied the number from the flyer into his keypad and dialed. His mouth pursed when it went straight to voicemail and he listened to the generic robot voice repeating the number. He waited for the beep. "Hi, I've got some info on your lost dog, Cocoa. You can reach me at the following number." After leaving his cell contact he hung up. He turned to Brigida. "I'll see what I can get out of her when she calls back."

"But, she'll be all hopeful about Cocoa," Wes began.

“What restaurant?” Brigida stood up. “We should go over there and talk to her.”

Dean nodded with caution. “Absolutely, Brigida. I’m going to go and do that right now.” He forced her to stare at him. “You’re going to stay here, with Wes and Samuel, in case Julie comes back home. Alright? I promise, I’ll let you know if I find out anything. With your permission, can I go into Julie's house with you and take a quick look around before I head out?”

“Of course.” She patted his cheek. “Such a good man.” She fished the key out of her purse, ready to walk up to the sliding door.

He shot Brigida a smile, attempting to hide his own worry. “Let’s get you inside so you can wait for your daughter to come home.”

~~~~~

Dean had inspected every room in Julie’s home. His inner radar picked up nothing weird or unusual. He wished he had his EMF meter with him. Next time I’m here I’ll do a proper sweep for her. When Julie’s back. Just to make sure she won’t have an unruly specter to contend with after this is over. And she’s back.

All he deduced was proof of a life being unpacked, reorganized, and put back together again. He’d stolen a few seconds in her office to stare at the picture of a teenage Julie with her awkward prom date. In her bedroom, he sniffed at the perfume bottle holding the scent she’d worn last night. Though nothing was amiss, the tangible remnants of her existence filled Dean with dread. Here. Then gone. In an instant. So many people in his life had disappeared like that. Not Julie, too.

He refused to rile up Julie’s mother with any more fear than she was already producing. She gave him an unexpected, long, and strong hug for a woman of her diminutive stature. “Find her, please.” He gave her a slight smile and rushed out into the backyard only to freeze on the lawn, unsure of his next step.

Possible ways to track her down ticked through Dean’s head. I could call in that favor.

A scroll through his phone’s contacts skidded to a stop. “Detective Tullman.” The thick southern accent answered.

“Marty. Dean Winchester.”

“Ah, Dean.” Dean had heard that particular phrase with that hesitant inflection countless times by a select group of people. These individuals crossed paths with Dean in his other line of work. Everything they knew of the world had been upended in an instant; usually the instant when Dean showed up on their doorstep. An encounter pulled them into the nastiness that lived under the translucent veil of normality.

“What can I do ya for? Aren’t in a jail cell sleepin’ off a bender, are ya?” The detective’s tone changed as Dean knew it would. What had started out a year back as a collaborative and mutually beneficial meeting on a standard bail enforcement job escalated into something much worse. Marty called Dean to relay his skip had been found; shot by a security guard after a bank robbery attempt in Newark. He was in an ambulance headed to the trauma center at the nearest hospital. His accomplice had escaped and was on the loose.

Only problem was, Dean was staring at his skip in a backyard that belonged to an apparent girlfriend. Was he sure they had the right guy? Dean sent Marty a picture of the person he was watching. The detective high-tailed it to the house a mile from the crime scene. The fucking thing shed its skin in the tiny yard while he and Marty looked on in bewilderment over the top of the wooden fence.

A chase ensued near abandoned train tracks. Marty bum rushed it to the ground but got overpowered. The monster pulled a knife from its boot and raised it over its head. Sunshine glinted off the blade as it readied to sink the tip into the detective’s chest. Dean shot the knife out of its grip. He followed by firing two silver bullets into its heart. What he was pretty certain was the dead body of a shapeshifter slumped on top of Marty.      

Thoughts and details came together in Marty’s head once the shock wore off. The body in front of him was the other bank robber. He, or it, had known the skip for a while and were low level partners in crime. Dean suggested the shifter may have had a hard on for the other guy’s girl, who thankfully wasn’t home. Most monsters also battled human vices. Lust and greed were a common denominator.

The detective came up with a story to cover their combined asses. They both spent a couple hours at the shootout location rehashing it over and over. Dean watched Marty hold his shit together quite well with a ton of law enforcement, CSI, and emergency personnel swarming like bees for evidence and details.

Dean and Marty bonded over cold beers at the closest bar. Dean found out Marty had been deployed to Iraq back in 2003. He’d been on the frontline of war for two years. He was a reliable, steadfast soldier. Nervous before a battle, but willing to put his life on the line for the greater good. They had a lot of commonality when it came to bloodshed. The nightmares that collided and crept into their days without warning simply involved different enemies.

“I need some help.”

Marty chuckled. “Ain’t gonna cost me my badge is it? I know I owe you my life, but I still got a wife and kids to feed.”

“Shouldn’t. Friend’s gone missing. It’s only been half a day, but it’s not adding up.”

“Local friend?”

“Yeah. Pike Creek.”

“Whaddya got for me?”

He smiled and rattled off Julie’s full name and the license plate he’d committed to memory. “Drives a blue, compact Chevy,” He added. “Five foot five. Long brown hair, probably in a ponytail, brown eyes, wears glasses. Italian, if that helps.”

“She cute?” Marty asked.

“Very.”

“Alrighty, I’ll have some guys keep an eye out in the area.”

“I’m gonna do my own investigating. Appreciate it, man. Thanks.”

“Thank me if I find ya somethin’.” He hung up.

Samuel popped into Dean’s view from under Julie’s covered patio. “What are you going to do when you get to the restaurant?” The balding man folded up his glasses and hung them from the collar of his t-shirt. Dean had learned from interactions over the past two years that Samuel was sharp and much harder to misdirect than Wes.

“Just ask this woman some questions.” Dean began his cut through their backyard to shorten the walk back to the house. He wasn’t keen on hopping the fence again.

Samuel kept pace with his quick steps. “Why would she answer any of your questions?”

“She saw me with Julie last night. I’m not some random stalker.” He tapped Samuel’s elbow. “Don’t you worry. I have some other tricks up my sleeve.”

“I’m sure you do.” His tone was hopeful.

Are you really flirting with me, dude? Now? “Listen, Samuel. Would you sit with her? I’d ask Wes, but…”

“Brigida doesn’t need unintentional, emotional triggering.” Samuel nodded. “You’ve got my and Wes’s number, right? Call one of us with good news.”

When Dean slid into Baby’s driver seat fifteen minutes later, he’d donned a suit that had been hanging in his closet, unworn, for over six months. That was the last time he had impersonated an FBI agent. The badge was still in the jacket’s inside pocket.

His hunting trips, the ones that had always really mattered, were few and far between now. Six months ago, he’d introduced himself as agent Agent Barrow on that excursion near Atlantic City. The four-day ghost investigation ended with a salt and burn. The corpse was found buried on the grounds of an abandoned chemical plant.

Noxious fumes had permeated the air around him with each shovel full of earth. The stench seeped into and clung to the well-creased suit pants. He should have changed before the dig; that is, if he’d remembered to bring a change of clothes from the motel to start. He was getting rusty from a lack of daily discipline, forgetting what had become rote for decades.

He remembered hiking back to Baby around two am, exhausted, after exhuming the remains. There was no way he was contaminating the car’s interior with that smell. So he drove back to the motel wearing only his boxers, dress shoes, socks, and his watch. The stinky clothes were stuffed in a garbage bag. After he helped the soul find peace, his reward was walking through the motel parking lot, up a flight of stairs, to his second floor room in only his skivvies. Had to get the damn suit dry cleaned, too.

Dean caught a light whiff of the chemicals, hopelessly embedded in the suit threads forever. His mind raced with a million thoughts driving to Makenzie’s steakhouse. But Julie was at the forefront of them. It was a long twenty minute drive.

Find her, please. How many times had he heard similar distressing requests? Hundreds, maybe. All of them had a missing loved one they were desperate to track down and bring home safe. How many times had he not been able to do that? Not today. He shook his head and tried to smile. She’s not done with me yet.

Julie’s voice bubbled up into his mind when he glanced at the passenger seat.

“So, Baby belonged to your Dad?” She attempted some conversation as Dean raced to beat the reservation.

“Yep.” He responded, eyes on the road swerving in and out of traffic. Once he was happy with his spot in the fast lane, no one in front of him for a good stretch, he cocked his head in her direction. Her eyes, big and brown, inspected the interior while her hand clamped on the door handle. “Pretty, isn’t she?” Dean smirked, proud.

“She is. Almost as pretty as her owner.” Her gaze locked onto his lips.

“Hey now.” He put on the show he knew she wanted and licked them nice and slow. “She’ll get offended, you thinking I’m prettier.”

“I’m sorry, Baby.” She stroked the dash. “It’s true, though.”

Dean laughed. “I’m pretty, huh?” He shot back at Julie and glanced in the rearview mirror before crossing over three lanes of traffic to get off the interstate.

Julie gasped. “Going to kill us before our date even gets started. If you’re going to drive like a maniac, you should at least be wearing a seatbelt.”

Baby careened down the ramp. When he got onto the avenue, his grip lifted off the wheel to fasten his lap belt. Both hands raised up in the air and he used his knee to steer. “Happy?” He reveled in her surprised reaction. The combo of scared and pissed off made her look even cuter.

“Okay, show-off.” She pointed at the wheel. “Hands at ten and two. Now.”

“Bossy.” He mumbled, returned his hands to the correct placement on the wheel, and pretended he wasn’t turned on by her commanding behavior. Slowing down in traffic, he shot her a sassy grin. “You done?”

“Done? “With you?” She tossed back with an equal amount of sass. “Just getting started.”

His ringing phone shot him out of his recollection. A glimmer of hope filled his voice as he answered. “Got something for me, detective?”

“Not sure if it’s anything good, my friend.” Marty was a straight shooter. “Officer found her car in a shopping center parking lot. Mile down the road from her house, in your neighborhood.” Marty was very good at his job. He didn’t miss a detail and double checked every bit of info. “No one in the vehicle. I’ve asked my guy to go into the stores and ask around. Have her paged, if needed. As long as we don’t get another emergency that takes him away, he’s on it for the next hour.”

It wasn’t bad news. Yet.

Part 12

Series Page

[longeyelashedtragedy]

this has been the most wild fuckin year so let’s do a Year in Review shall we

in terms of internet and fandom life, that is. my real life has been atrociously boring but who cares about real life amirite folx

january probably the only calm month of the year.  i spent the first day of the month watching the brazilian inauguration in burgos, spain with one headphone in, while ordering for my family in a restaurant where nobody spoke english (my sister speaks decent spanish, but my whole family has like 8194814 food restrictions so it kind of went past her level of ability). translating between spanish and english with portuguese in one year was kind of awesome. i watched bodyguard and it was amazing!  what else...in january i briefly owned the issue of spanish GQ with Luka on the cover which i then forgot about until november. other than that...? nada.  the calm before the storm. (fav music)

february was so long ago that i keep forgetting how insane its 28 days were.  probably the wildest month of the year really. i got involved in an absolutely batshit and exclusive group chat with a famous person’s family member (which must remain confidential). it was all sunshine and rainbows for a week and a half and it then devolved into the most absolutely insane Lord of the Flies situation ever--it turned into 1 main chat and then 1 chat that was less puritanical than the main chat, and that chat spawned another chat that didn’t trust the previous chat, and then that chat had a massive argument and a like 6-person bitchy chat modded by a gay guy who does voodoo (shoutout to ALCIDES) spawned from that one.  i made it into every level of group chat and was asked by the tiny bitchy chat to spy on the other bitchy chat (i did not lol). i was a member of the tiny bitchy chat until i got a new phone and was logged out of whatsapp for like a month.  these words can’t even convey what this chat was like--oh and did i mention it was all conducted in only my 3rd-best language? it’s no wonder my weird ass survived middle school almost entirely unscathed.  as this was winding down, on the very last day of the month, I found out about Justin’s involvement in the SNC-Lavalin scandal and decided to go public about my years-long boner for him; Lavscam definitely changed the course of the rest year ~ Oh, also i began helping to repair a friendship that had had some Drama go down so that was p cool ~ (fav music)

march was a Time. The insanity of lavscam helped me finally finish the macdeau I started writing the previous December when a bunch of tungelr people called me disgusting for writing it.  i wrote my first straight-up serious explicit porn in years which has wound up being the third-longest thing i’ve ever published on ao3. Also, Hozier released Wasteland, Baby! which made a huge impact on me as well.  i spent like half of march staying up till 3:30 am writing said Long Fic, and i was firmly in the closet about stanning manu. also justin almost got a vote of no confidence or something and he got busted for eating a chocolate bar during a parliamentary all-nighter.  (fav music)

in april i wrote a ton of fanfic thanks to declining mental health(tm).  i think this is when i started my emmanuyell insta account and became really into making weird edits (which i still love doing just...don’t anymore.)  i started meeting some cool people thanks to macdeau.  what else happened in april? i feel like it wasn’t actually too eventful other than writing a lot of fanfic and being Annoyed about manu.  feel free to jog my memory lol.  oh i think i wrote “Okay so who from the French national team are we gonna ship Manu with” on twitter after seeing photos of manu + antoine griezmann at the World Cup but nothing came of that...at that time... (fav music)

may saw me having to deal with my shit mental health and up my meds but that seems to have had a good effect because i seem to not be too depressed to write in the winter/fall anymore! it was the 2nd anniversary of manu’s election and at the Christchurch Call in paris, macdeau took that amazing fairytale princess photo together that was completely unrivalled in Gay Shippy Feels moments until ivan went out of his way to kiss luka during the el clásico gameplay last wednesday. someone wrote ao3′s first griezmanu drabble and at the end manu gets down on his knees in front of antoine, takes off his shoes for him, and sucks his dick, and i achieved another state of being entirely.  my sister graduated from grad school and when we went down to DC for the weekend i went to eat at this restaurant manu famously ate at while there and ordered the same stuff he did and i have no idea how he consumed all that grease.  i learned about the song O Come, O Come, Emmanuel *snort*. i feel like other things happened in may too?  OH YES--i got the idea for my magnum opus, Trophy Boyfriend, and started to write it. the first scene i wrote was justin blowing manu in the hallway. then the same day i wrote the scene at the airport (which was the ending for a solid month and half till i realized it shouldn’t be), and the saddest scene in the fic--but we’ll stop to open presents.  oh! and i stumbled across the macronists discord chat which is such a delightful little community *weepy sniffles* (fav music)

june was Eventful.  a french neonazi on tumblr told me to go let manu fuck me in the ass because i was a fucking degenerate.  what a start!  then came the ceremony in which manu awarded everyone on the french national team the legion of honor medal and the way he and antoine looked at each other was truly...Wait it was the 3rd Gay Shippy Feels moment of the year.  as soon as the ceremony was over i wrote a fic about it and haven’t looked back.  between this + watching almost every 2018 World Cup game and the women’s world cup (during which I cried during argentina’s last game because of that miraculous penalty) i finally achieved my years-long goal of getting into Futbol(TM).  Antoine dropped his spotify playlist and my crush on him turned into Intense Love (TM) and also he introduced me to some legit awesome artists.  which led to (fav music)

july, in which i wrote “ça c’est ma dope” which is definitely the best thing i’ve written since i wrote “modernity towering in front of the sky” almost exactly 10 years before. got embroiled in Soccer Transfer Drama and learned its pain for the first time (unfortunately, since i wound up attaching my heart-wagon to barça’s Suddenly Least Favorite Player, the transfer drama pain has...never ended) became a full-fledged culé, O the joy O the honor.  i wanted to ship antoine with someone on the team, which in their current chemistry-less season is a real challenge, but after seeing a few photos i decided it would be fun to casually ship antoine + ivan rakitic (partially because, ever since i went from Enemies to Lovers with the croatia NT during the World Cup, he was one of the only players i knew anything about other than messi, suárez, and piqué lmao). while looking on ao3 to see what kind of headcanons people had about him--and the fic is definitely in general better than what’s out there about antoine, which is perplexing because antoine is much easier to write than ivan--i found That Amazing Rakidric Fic and thought “oh wait that ship makes a lot of sense” and started also shipping ivan and luka with the fire of a thousand suns.  oh and my air conditioner was broken for like 3 weeks. i worked on more fics, seriously outlining the path of Trophy Boyfriend, and my music taste was killer. (fav music)

in august i finished Trophy Boyfriend in my neighborhood Starbucks after writing the scene that was giving me the most trouble (the scene at the beginning where they’re organizing their book collection). the fic has made multiple people cry and people disagree on whether justin’s choice at the end was the right one and god i’m so proud of it.  Instantly went on to write ‘i might not mind,’ a lively lighthearted Friends to Lovers ivantoine~ romp which was definitely going to be a one-off and i was definitely not going to get an extra celeb crush out of it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (fav music)

in september ivantoine became A Thing in my mind and it’s a whole ongoing slow-burn character-arcy series that has taken a very different turn than i had expected. i’m not saying it’s like, the most deep writing of all time, but it’s gone to some interesting places emotionally. honestly, ships and boners aside, the concept of a person who made some really stupid homophobia 101 comments many years ago slowly realizing over and over again that they have gay feelings for a man who seems rather comfortable with gayness is a fascinating one and one that’s really cool to explore in writing.  Or at least, i think so.  in many ways ivan is my most unreliable narrator because of the many layers of Discomfort, Emotion and Repression at play in the fic while he’s interacting with this pretty cheery and uncomplicated seeming-dude who’s still perceptive enough to sort of know what’s going on (and that’s not even adding in the star player/falling from grace former rockstar dynamic!!!)  i know in the current climate it’s Not Allowed to write about someone who said a bad, but luckily i’m too old to give a Fuck. ivantoine is hard to write but it’s my bff’s favorite ship of mine and has a few other excited fans on ao3 which tbh is kind of an accomplishment considering i made it up out of thin air and it’s not something you’d ever think would be a thing. instantly also developed ‘getting called out about ivan by a child on the internet’ as a goal.  and...i achieved my dream of leading high holiday services!!! (fav music)

october had more high holiday services and i worked a lot on certain fics (including d*janfic which would be fun to finish). i came up with the idea of a Very Long Rakidric Fic based on the translation of a gorgeous croatian folk song i sang in college (Janko fell asleep under the poplar/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/Under the poplar's golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/I tore off the golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me--in which the golden branch is a reference to a way to get into the underworld). decided to start quarter-assedly learning croatian for fun.  Fun...ha.  other than fangirling a lot and watching the croatian NT play, october was pretty uneventful? i think? Justin got reelected and mauricio didn’t ;( (fav music)

in november i finally achieved my dream of having a literal child on the internet call me out about being attracted to a homophobe.  (they were a madridista even!) accidentally started writing some more rakidric and now i’m seriously hooked.  also accidentally came out of the closet about the secret crush i’d been harboring on luka modric and then one fateful day in the ihop on 14th st i realized i’d had this crush already and repressed it from my memory. Don’t do that kids! now it’s Hurting Really Bad. Ivan dropped the most pathetic and candid interview like...ever and i hope “¿Cómo puede disfrutar uno? Jugando al fútbol. ¿Cómo se siente mi hija pequeña cuando le quitan un juguete? Triste. Yo me siento igual. Me han quitado la pelota, me siento triste” goes down in the history of most epic futbol quotes of all time.  (still haven’t actually been able to watch this because no one has uploaded it anywhere)  What else...............Am i forgetting anything? i celebrated my birthday with @tender-vittles in epic fashion after two years of Not doing that, and turned 32 going on 15.  enjoyed my first-ever “x reader” fic (zlatko dalic x reader LOL) and finished “drive your plow over the bones of the dead” which was real fucking good. i saw hozier live and it was a religious experience and i unexpectedly cried during nina cried power and then called myself “Luka B” when ordering at the classy taco bell across the street after getting a glimpse of alexxx ryan in the flesh. (fav music)

now it’s december and my seasonal depression is a little worse than it’s been the past few years but i’m managing.  still shipping and writing and i just got called out about ivan again last week.  i’m 2 for 2 here!  el clásico was boring but also it was gay and my heart my heart my heart ! Anything could happen in the last 10 days of this year and honestly...I’m pretty sure I’m ready.

Most importantly this year, despite it being not that great in a lot of ways, I developed a lot more self confidence, made many important realizations, and became a lot more peaceful (despite how this post makes me sound) and wiser and less bitter and pessimistic.  And i became outspoken enough about antisemitism on the left to lose friends over it...3 for 3.  i can’t say i’m displeased with these developments.

Hasta 2020! <3

[grizztomysam]

NSFW Grizzam Photoshoot AU Rough Outline Draft...kind of

Sam Eliot co-owns Gelb-Eliot Studios with Becca Gelb a highly sought after photographer, many have dubbed the next Anna Liebovitz, who’s worked with top brand editorial and fashion conglomerates. Best friends since middle school, they both built their growing empire from a makeshift dark room in Sam’s closet when they were both 14 to a sprawling beauty of a studio with breath-taking views of Central Park and two other locations under contractual negotiations in Paris and Milan. While Becca is the artistic eye of the duo, capturing and immortalizing beauty for the masses, known for her risque black and white portraits, the more provocative and raw the better, Sam helps edits and finalize their projects and help reign in her occasional mad starving artist moments when she goes off on tangents about art should not be monetized and no one understand or knows how to appreciate good things anymore without being pretentious. But most importantly he travels to the corners of the world (if he has to) to scout and find the next Gelb-Eliot muse. 

It’s nearing the end of the year and Gelb-Eliot Studios is still in the initial stages of their next anticipated project. However, instead of the usual gallery showing, Becca wants to try something new..some sort of art installation and ramblings about a dream she has. She has a name already picked out for the project, a very unusual thing since that detail usually came to her literally nights before a show, and the biggest quirk is that she refuses to share what it was or what the project is even about with Sam. He won’t lie and say he’s not feeling certain frustrations, occasional angry signnage had been exchanged between the two because of the sudden secrecy from Becca’s part, but he relents and knows he’s off to god knows where to do his thing and bring back a fresh face that Becca will do her magic on. 

But the thing with Becca and Sam is, they have this almost 6th sense instinctual connection. When they were younger their mothers swore they were twins or something with how scary connected they were. So Sam knew, even with the vagueness from Becca, which to be honest was how they worked together anyways, he would go out and look and when he found her or him, he’d know without a doubt Becca would agree. After years under their partnership he’d yet to be wrong.

Enter Grizz Visser, starving writer and poet. Literally and figuratively. 

He’s desperate to be published, a handful of manuscripts fill his ratty old briefcase, an aged but beloved thing that he own’s that is of any worth. The bag had been grabbed in haste after before being kicked out from his parents house 8 years ago at 17. Being gay and coming out to a bigoted, angry and unforgiving father was a dangerous thing to keep in close quarters. It had been his late grandpas..a good, kind and just man. He knew for sure would have embraced him as he was...no judgement or hate. But life is cruel and things are what they are. He never attended college like he’d dreamed and desperately craved for, being cut off was hard and he had scholarships but not enough to keep him afloat. So he worked the odd job here and there through out the years. Trying to stay above water. And he wrote. He wrote to keep himself sane...hoping one day there would be a story worth writing about that the world would be willing to read. 

Sam comes back after two weeks in Europe finding no one. Becca has reclused herself like a hermit, nothing new, so he didn’t even bother briefing her on the fact they lowkey might be screwed if their deadline was to be in a month or so.

But the universe is funny, at times...cruel always, but there are rare moments it gets generous and will bestow upon the lowly mortals, gifts. 

The universe and irony..lovers at best..two peas in a pod really. Oh the irony that one he’s been looking for was right under their nose, in the same borough no less.

Sam sees him from across the park, pen in hand, dark hair askew from the light breeze, despite his attempts at smoothing it down behind one ear. His mouth still had the same quirk that Sam had often dreamed about. Lips he’d wish he could taste, lick and bite in his fevered state most nights after a rough day at school, when he’d lock the door to his room, finally breath and just let himself go and be reckless with his thoughts about the taller, older, dark haired junior in his english class, who he was adamantly sure was straight despite Becca’s gaydar saying otherwise. Dreams always bordered on obscene, made him blush scarlet after he’d finish, feeling pathetic and emptier. Obscene they were always because in his young desperate mind he’d argue if he viewed Grizz as a sexual object, and nothing more, he could separate any romantic feelings. Romantic feelings were dangerous. They were on the cusp of like...and like could manifest into love. And Grizz was the type of boy he could definitely fall for.

In another life perhaps. 

So he’d objectify Grizz in his thoughts, the dirtier the better. Because he’d tried before, but it was futile at removing any trace of Grizz from his mind. And he refused to think about thoughts where Grizz held him, or Grizz laughed at something he said. 

Or Grizz loved him. The hurt would be too much.

But the shame after was cripplingly. Left him curled into himself, angry, with such a want to run and fall to his knees begging for forgiveness and maybe...

But you can’t wish for things that could and would never happen.

Grasping and searching for a needle in a haystack when you realize too late there never was a needle to begin with...his mother would always say. 

And after Grizz had suddenly and mysteriously disappeared mid of his junior year he’d finally let it go. Cried for a good month or so. Becca didn’t ask questions but knew enough. Was there to hug away the tears and hurt as best as she could. And then he threw himself into school and helped Becca cultivate her passion. And the rest was history.

Except now here he stood, gaping like some lunatic. Forgetting what breathing is anymore. And Grizz is sat a few feet away on a park bench, in a oversized stripped wool hoodie, an old tattered brown briefcase by his thigh, and looking mother fucking, breathtakingly beautiful.

And why does his hands sting all of a sudden. Oh right cuz he’s digging his nails into his palm and has drawn blood because he’s a literal cliff edge away from running, screaming, and fainting or all three.

But also an insane part of him, this loud fucking nagging voice he has assigned as Becca’s voice thoughout the years, he’d liken to how he remembered Minnie Mouse sounded like when he was four and watched Saturday cartoons with his dad, except more shrill and grating, is telling him Grizz is the fucking one. 

He’s found their muse. 

------------

A taste people...Imma write this.. all if it kills me...there will be smut...it will be dirty as fucking hell but they are also of age as in late 20s soo... so be warned..bUt god damn those pictures have put me off kilter so I will not even apologize anymore. I am just writing out my feels because its either that or screaming out the window and that option might cause a public disturbance and probable jail time...so...yuh

FUCKIN SOOOOOOOOO.....

[mpregspecialist-blog]

THE REMINDER Tommy Shelby Mpreg. Chapter 1.

Chapter One

WARNING - Description of rape

"You fucking STAY there"

Tommy rolled his eyes. what did this freak want. This giant hair bearded man. standing across from him in the gym changing room.. he must have been waiting till Tommy sent everyone home. how long had be been in here ?

"I-" Tommy began

"Not a fucking word princess" the giant snapped

Tommy raised his eyebrows.. Fucking PRINCESS? who is this fool?

Tommy took a chance to glance off the man to look toward to door. He had no gun, just a small knife. Which he didn't fancy chancing with this guy. He wasn't worried.. just some crazed loon who wanted a word he could knock him out easy.

In the moment it took Tommy to glance away, the giant lunged toward him, almost in a craze, grabbing the his throat and pinning his whole body under him on the floor. It all happened so fast. . Tommy had been too cocky, let his guard down. He punched Tommy in the face, flipped him over in the confusion and roughly tied Tommys hands behind his back with a thick course rope.

"OI YOU BASTARD! GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU CUNT!" Tommy roared, his voice hoarse from being pinned. "DO YOU KNOW KNOW WHO I AM ? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" Tommy demanded

The older man grabbed tommys hair and forced him up to look into the mirror on the wall. Tommy winced and couldn't break free no matter how hard he shifted and tried.

"I" the giant started "I, am you're worst fucking nightmare, I've been watching you for years... you're fucking gorgeous lad"

Tommy suddenly froze, he became insanely uncomfortable, an extremely dark bad feeling filled the pit of his stomach.

The giant continued to speak. this time running a knife down Tommys right cheek with his free hand, "Look at that face... fucking beauty. fucking dirty whore"

"Let me the FUCK go, I have more than one nightmare for you.. I'll take your fucking eyes out !" Tommy growled calmly

The giant laughed " who's the other nightmare then.. you sent them home you twat"

The giant swiftly bounced Tommy's head off the mirror leaving a small crack. Before dragging him back to the floor by his hair.

Blood ran down Tommy's face, "GET THE FUCK OF MAYYY!" Tommy screamed hoarsely as he was forced to his knees, face pressed roughly into the bench in front of him.

The giant showed no signs of slowing down "You're gonna take this like a fuckin champ! Do you understand me?! "

Suddenly Tommy realised what was going to happen, what he was trying to do. He suddenly had absolutely no way of defending himself and for one of the very few times in his life he was terrified.

The giant roughly tore down Tommys trousers, snarling as he did so. " YOU KNOW WHAT I HEAR ? "

Tommy stayed silent, head spinning from the punch and knock to the mirror.

"I hear you lot go out and rape young girls.. use prostitutes. this is no way to respect ladies" he continued, shaking his head

"wh.. what the fuck are you talking about." Tommy replied almost trembling as he spoke

"I don't know I'm fucking nuts , but it wouldn't surprise me.. you lot thinking you're in charge.. PA-THETIC" he spat

"Get the fuck off me I'm Tommy fucking shelby!" Tommy pleaded

The giant laughed "Hey now , I'm supposed to be shouting your name mate"

Tommy tried with all his strength to free himself from the man's grasp. but he couldn't do it. the road tearing skin from around his wrists, nobody could hear him. they weren't supposed to see him for a couple of hours.

Tommy heard what sounded like oil being poured from a small bottle. then hands being rubbed together. Tommy fought one last time to escape, he struggled and kicked out. All this earned him was the giant once again grabbing his hair and smashing his head into the bench.

Tommy went limp for a moment before steadying himself again. His knees were hurting from the solid floor. Before Tommy even had a chance to think of another way to escape, the giant interupted his thoughts.

"My names Ricky. and you are my bitch"

Tommy suddenly cried out in pain as a massive erection was forced inside him. "AAAHHH!. Aaaahhhhh" Tommy found himself sobbing, he had no control over it. he couldn't even wipe the fucking tears off his face.

"Uggghhh.. fuck me yes.. fuck fuck.. baby. baby take it."

"FUCKING GET OUT OF ME ! " Tommy yelled

no response

"I'LL FUCKING PAY YOU .. WHAT DO YOU WANT ?!" Tommy begged

"Oh no sunshine I'm not done till you're done" Tommy felt sick with terror when he realised this cunt was aiming for.

"I'm gonna make you cum " Ricky said in a stone cold tone

"not .. fucking. . LIKELY !" Tommy screamed back between each fuck

The older man slammed into him over and over. Tommy had fallen silent. He was out of his own body as if he was watching it happen. It burned but each brush of his prostate forced his erection to grow. Tommy was so disgusted he could feel the vomit rising into his throat.. he wasn't aroused. All his senses were firing off at once as the burning hot anger and humiliation filled his chest. breathing through gritted teeth as he used everything in his power not to have an orgasm.

"Oh don't do this to me" the giant man said, breaking the silence, almost pleading "come on we will just have to keep going and going until I get what I came for"

Tommy stayed in silence, his body limp. eyes half open "you won't get anything from me" he mumbled

"UGH" Ricky called out, suddenly changing angle. Jabbing straight into his prostate hard. And rather unexpectedly to Ricky, he finally felt tommys asshole begin to pulsate around his COCK.

"Oh baby cum for daddy" Ricky gasped

Tommy was still desperatly trying to hold his orgasm off. He was completey out of control of his own body.

Ricky tried a trick, wrapped a hand around tommys tummy, pressing his hand over tommys full bladder. which forced tommys orgasm to imediately take hold, and strong, as his bladder contracted along with his genitals.

"Don't go yet" Ricky pleaded creepily, meaning Tommys bladder

After what seemed like eternity for both men, Tommys body forced out a single noise as he was forced to cum all over the floor. His load shot out hitting the floor hard. He was cumming harder than he ever had before. Lasting longer than hed ever experienced. Tommy couldn't surpress the moan that escaped as the man rubbed his finger tips around to massage the the full blader, Tommy still trying hard to hold on to its contents.

Ricky groaned deeply as he proceeded to fill Tommy with his load. It was then that Tommy lost control, releasing his full bladder all over the floor surrounding their knee's. Almost thinking it would get the man away from him.

"I told you not to go!" the man barked. Slapping tommys ass so hard it bruised.

Tommy... horrified and humiliated. froze. the older man pulled out. slapped his bare ass once more and heald a gun to his head. "Good luck." Ricky said laughing "Clean yourself up you slut." He snarled before leaving him.

Tommy didn't even watch the man leave. He was sore, broken and absolutely horrified. He was utterly humiliated. angry.. confused. His shut down body proceeded to roar, over and over for the next 10 minutes.

He managed to get himself up. Wincing at the burn as he tried to straighten himself. He fumbled into the closest shower, threw up twice. He stayed in there for 20 minutes, letting the water wash over him.

He'd been fucking raped.

He hurriedly but clumsily dressed. Heading straight home

[cloudybakery]

I NEED TO GET TLJ OFF MY CHEST SO HERE WE GO (Spoilers obviously)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD

RIAN

FUCKING

JOHNSON

SIR YOU ARE FUCKIN MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I WENT BACK AND FORTH S T R O N G LY BETWEEN LOVING AND HATING CHARACTERS LIKE W O W

Start to finish here we go alright that force bond shit i was verrrryyyyy skeptical like ummmmm what BUT just because we hadn’t seen it before doesn’t mean its not interesting also I understand why it was added because they keep portraying the two of them as the strongest with the force and they both represent light and dark so it makes sense that there would be a connection that strong

Snoke literally called Kylo a child in a mask like call him out please

Poe my beautiful fighting son I ADORED HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT he went from best pilot in the galaxy to the next leader of the rebellion and actually LEARNED from his mistakes which was evident when he stopped Finn from going to help Luke and y’all that was good shit that was quality character development and the way Leia looked at him was AH i loved it(Also the look after he wasn’t chosen to be the leader while they were still under attack was PRICELESS)

Okay Leia flying with the force was the cheesiest shit I’ve ever seen but tbh I secretly love it and I know in my heart Carrie Fisher had a hand in that scene happening

RIP general Akbar he will be missed

The scene in the dark side of the island.....tbh I don’t know how to feel about it it so we’re gonna move on

ROSE MY BEAUTIFUL BABE I LOVE HER SHE’S A LITTLE LOVE STRUCK ENGINEER AND REBEL FIGHTER THROUGH AND THROUGH AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH

The casino was SO cool I really liked how they dealt that card like yes they make money by selling shit to the First Order but also to the Rebellion these people aren’t choosing sides they’re just in it for the money...also I want to know it the red flower guy would have actually been significant like t b h but I have a feeling DJ will be back just a feeling

I really like that it was all set within a retreat scene like it was a limited amount of time that they had and that this was all going down it really kept up the tension and gave it all such a cool feel

PURPLE HAIR WOMAN I’ll learn her name soon enough but I had mixed feelings for the whole damn time like i loved her i hated her then i loved her again she was so cool but she could’ve just told them here plan like Poe would’ve gone with it

I guess force ghosts have tangible canes specifically for whacking dumb ass jedi with and can also control weather?

OH MY GOD THE LIGHT SPEED SCENE WAS THE MOST INSANE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE

the whole theater was dead silent.  like, all you heard were little laughs of absolute disbelief, I legitimately forgot how to breathe for two seconds and then I was DYING THAT WAS A SHOT THAT WILL FOREVER BE INGRAINED IN MY HEAD AND I AM COMPLETELY OKAY WITH IT

When Kylo and Rey teamed up to fight I was LIVING I’m not the biggest fan of Reylo, it just aint my cup of tea, but DAMN was that a good scene and the LIGHTSABER TO SNOKE WAS THE MOST GENIUS THING IN CINEMA LIKE DAMN S O N RIAN YOU OUTDID YOURSELF

Finn facing off with Phasma was a battle to be remembered

“You were always scum” “Rebel Scum.”  A LINE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

RIP Phasma man I was hoping she would last longer

BEN SOLO IS A POWER HUNGRY LIL SHIT

They split a light saber in half.  legitimately.  IT WAS AMAZZAAAAAAANG

SALT PLANET HOOOOOLLLYYYYY SHIT CRATE WAS FUCKING AWESOME

CRYSTALFOXESCRYSTALFOXESCRYSTALFOXESYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

okay the purest thing in that movie was when Finn and Rose crash into the base and BB-8 comes out with them and POE STARTS SCRATCHING THE FRONT OF HIS SPHERE LIKE  A DOG AND I ABOUT CRIED HE LOVES THAT DROID SO MUCH

LUKE MOTHER FUCKING SKYWALKER ASTRAL PROJECTED HIMSELF IN A TANGIBLE FORM LIGHTYEARS ACROSS THE GALAXY AND IT WAS FUCKING ASTOUNDING that little shoulder brush tho the s a s s

His death was so appropriate.  Just.  So peaceful, he honestly deserved it.  I absolutely loved that scene I cried sad and happy tears at the same time

Chewey flew the falcon like nobody’s business and I adored him

REY AND FINN’S REUNION WAS SO SWEET AND GOOD LIKE THANK U FOR THAT RIAN THANK YOU

So the whole fandom is obsessed with Reylo rn and tbh go ahead I don’t give a damn but y’all are sleeping on the cutest first interaction between Poe and Rey and I saw that and I knew a ship was about to be born and so it was like just t h i nk about it especially if its a poly relationship with poe/rey/finn like y a l l

YOU SHUT THAT DOOR ON HIM REY YES BABE

Were there flaws? yes.  But was it good?  Oh F U C K YES.  Rian Johnson, well. fucking. done.  You pushed the limits, made some major changes, and gave us something we have never seen on star wars.  My respect it through the roof.

[ao3feed-hamilton]

by antsizedego

What can go wrong when you're at a New Years Eve party with your boyfriend? You're just chillin' out, making out on the couch after the ball drops. Everyone leaves, which is cool. You're like...best friends with the owner of the house, so it's not an issue if you stay there for longer.... ....or for all night ;)

(TLDR; alexander hamilton and aaron burr are dating and they fuck on lafayette and washington's bed but it's super fucking soft.)

Words: 4516, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Hamilton - Miranda

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, George Washington

Relationships: Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/George Washington

Additional Tags: first of all, THIS IS SO FUCKIN' SOFT., second of all this is the longest thing I've ever written....., third of all, i can't believe that my first smutfic is not only the longest thing I've written, but also porn of our founding fathers??? at least one of them????, is burr a founding father????, probably not lmao, it's like 12 am i am tired and my wrists hurt from typing all of this, plus i typed almost all of this in like 1 (ish) goes, so there's no editing or anything, speaking of which, new years eve kisses, they kiss at midnight, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, alexander literally re-falls in love with burr so many times in this, It's so good., alexander cries?, like actually cries, real tears, he doesn't even know it at first and tbh if that ain't me, also im sorry for all u washette fans lookin for a good fic this is hamburr but it's like, in lafayette's house....and they fuck on their bed???, LMAO, gwash is so confused lmao poor dude, also, Blowjobs, really its just one single blowjob?, but still, aaron burr loves to suck dick and you can pry that out of my cold dead hands, four thousand....five hundred....ten words....., im dead guys., anyway please enjoy this i love it a lot and it took me forever., i wrote this because i love new years eve kisses, that and there's like..., an insane drought of good hamburr smutfics

from AO3 works tagged 'Hamilton - Miranda' http://ift.tt/2eUawXX

[such-a-common-girl]

“A Secret That’s Worth It” Carl x Reader, Negan x Reader

Word Count: 9,670

Negan x Daughter Reader, Carl x Reader

Summary: You’re Negan’s teenage daughter and from the minute you saw Carl, he sparked your interest, leading to a relationship between you two.

Warnings: Language, fluff, angst, mentions of death, kinda smutty 

A/N: Does not follow the show exactly, I had to change up some things for the sake of the story, but I tried to make it as close as possible.

He was the first person you noticed when you stepped out of that RV.

He was wearing a flannel and a cowboy hat, and even with one of his eyes covered up and it being dark out, you could see how bright blue they were. You didn’t know his name, but you certainly were attracted to him.

Your father, Negan, had told you to stay inside the RV while he went out there and talked to them. He had told you that he was going to kill one of them and that he didn’t want you to see that, so you needed to stay away.

“Y/N, I do not want to see you out there. Your ass better stay in here, alright?” Negan had warned you. You didn’t listen. You had heard him talking to their group, and you got curious. All you wanted to do was see what they looked like, nothing more. You opened the door slightly and peeked your head out, making the attractive boy turn his head and look at you. They all did, but he was the only one you noticed.

“Dear daughter, did I not tell you to stay inside?” Negan bellowed. You knew he was trying to scare the group- that was his way of being a big, bad leader. He intimidates everyone. And by the look of everyone’s face, they were definitely afraid.

You try to turn around and go back into the RV, but Negan stops you.

“I changed my mind- I want you to see this. I want you know what fucking happens when people mess with us.” He told you. You timidly walked closer to the group, and stood against the side of the RV while Negan continued to talk to the group. You’d seen your dad act like this before, and you hated it, but you knew that some things had to be done. These people killed twelve of our men, and you think that only killing one of theirs was being insanely merciful. At least for Negan.

You watched as they all cried out when he bashed in the guy with the red hair’s head, and then the Asian guy. You turned your head away. You couldn’t stand to see it. It was too brutal, even for you.

You looked at your dad in horror, but didn’t dare say one word. You kept glancing over to the boy who got your attention in the first place, and he looks insanely calm. Calmer than you. You wanted to throw up and cry all at the same time, and you didn’t even know the people who died.

“I’m-I’m going back in the RV.” You managed to get out, almost tripping over your own feet. You sit on the chair, staring at the wall. You hope he doesn’t hurt anymore people, especially not that guy. The one with the pretty eye and long hair.

You don’t know at what point you fell asleep, but when you wake up, the RV is moving and Negan is sitting next to you, playing with your hair.

“Are they- did you hurt any more of their people?” You ask, sitting up.

“No, just put a little scare in them, that’s all. I don’t plan on hurting any more of them, unless they pull some shit like that one redneck with the long hair did. They work for us now.”

-

You hadn’t heard much more about the group from Alexandria since that night, since Negan tends to not tell you much. You were in your room one morning, reading a book and drinking tea while you snuggled underneath your blankets. You hear a knock on your door, and you sigh, annoyed that someone is interrupting your reading.

“Come in.” You say quite uninvitingly, thinking it was probably just one of Negan’s men coming to check up on you. They’d been doing that more lately since Negan’s been gone more often. Your dad thought you needed someone to protect you at all times, which wasn’t a big deal, but man you wanted some freedom.

The door opens to reveal your dad standing there, wearing his signature leather jacket, but no Lucille in hand.

“Where’s your bat?” You question, marking your place in your book and setting it down on the bed. You refuse to call it “Lucille.”

“She’s gettin’ cleaned.”

“Okay.” You were confused as to why he was in your room. The two of you weren’t exactly close.

“Came in here to ask if you wanted to take a little trip to Alexandria with me.”

“Really?” You become excited. He rarely let you leave the Sanctuary, let alone accompany him on any of his ‘business traveling.’

“Figured you might want to get out of this damn house at some point. They’ve got a gold mine over there- I’ll let you pick out whatever you want to take home.”

“I don’t really want to take any of their stuff…” You trail off.

“Oh, princess.” He laughs. “That shit is ours now. That aint theirs anymore.”

“Okay.” You say simply. You weren’t going to pass up on the opportunity to go into Alexandria. You might even see that one guy. “When are we leaving?”

“An hour. Be ready, ‘cause if you’re not, I’ll leave without you.”

“I’ll be ready.” You roll your eyes, getting out of bed and setting your tea on the nightstand.

“Don’t give me that bad ass attitude or I’ll really leave you here.”

“Sorry, Dad.” You mutter, walking over to your dresser to pick out clothes.

You’re ready in less than an hour, and the two of you leave to Alexandria. The ride is filled with Negan telling you the plans for the day, which to you, just sounded like he wanted to go just to terrorize Rick. But, you’re not complaining, because you’re getting to tag along.

“And here we are. The suburbs.” Negan jokes. Alexandria was beautiful, at least to you. It truly looked like what life was like before the outbreak. It looked like the perfect little community. Even the houses were nice. “Real damn nice, right? Told you it’s a goldmine.”

“It’s… Wow.” You admit. You get out of the truck and the two of you walk over to the gate, and two men open the door for you. One of them you didn’t recognize, but the other one you recognized as Rick. The leader of them all. Also, as you gathered from that night, the father of that guy you were so desperately hoping to see.

“Well, you gonna let us in?” Negan scoffs. Rick looks over at you and nods, opening the gate for us. “Now, this is bring your kid to work day. I figured I show her the difference of a real leader, and a leader who breaks down about any little bump in the road. I’m sure your little brain can figure out who is who. So be real fucking nice to my little girl, got it?” He tells Rick.

“She looks around Carl’s age.” Rick commented, obviously implying that you weren’t a little girl. You take note that the mysterious, no-name guy now officially has a name- Carl.

“Do I look like I give a shit how old your little murder is?” Negan makes a face. Rick doesn’t respond as he closes the gate behind you two.

“Thanks for letting us in, Rick.” You decide to be nice, earning a look from Negan.

“It’s his job. Don’t thank him.”

You bite your lip to keep yourself from saying a snarky remark back, and just gave Rick look that says ‘sorry.’

“Rick, give Y/N a grand tour of the place. I’ve got to go take care of something…” Negan trails off, looking into the distance. You don’t know what he’s looking at, but he walks off without saying anything else.

“You don’t have to.” You say quietly as Rick basically gives you the stare down.

“Yeah, I do.” He responds.

The tour is quick and there’s not much talking, and you find yourself feeling uncomfortable being around someone who you know not only hates you and everyone you have basically grown up with, but also wants to kill your father.

“Look, Rick,” you say awkwardly. “I’m not like my dad. I’m not going to force you to be nice to me and like me, but don’t just hate me because of my dad.” Rick just grunts in response, and he stopped the “tour” in front of his house.

“I’ve gotta go get somethin’ from inside. You can stay out here.”

You nod and take a seat on the stairs leading to the front steps, hoping that whatever Negan is doing he finishes soon. You’re playing with your fingers, lost in thought when you feel someone behind you. You turn around, expecting to see Rick there, but instead are faced with Carl. The mystery man.

“Who are you?” He asks.

“Y/N.”

“You’re-“ His eye widens, and he begins to step away.

“Negan’s daughter. Yeah.” You’re beginning to be annoyed with the reactions of everyone around here.

“Well, go ahead and take all the shit you want. We don’t have much left.”

“I’m not going to take your shit.”

“Why not? Your dad has been.”

“Well I’m not my dad, am I?” You say with a bit of an attitude.

“I’m Carl.” He finally says after a period of silence. “I remember you from that night.”

“I remember you, too.”

“You looked freaked out.” He comments.

“I was. I don’t like seeing people die.”

“That’s ironic.” He mumbles. You want to say more, but Rick comes out of the house and gives you a not so nice look, presumably for talking to Carl.

“Carl, do me a favor and check on Judith.” Rick is basically begging Carl to go into the house and not talk to me. Carl gives you a look before listening to his dad and going inside.

“You can take me back to my dad now.” I tell him.

He takes you over to where Negan was, and you could not be happier to see your dad in your life. He smiles at you when he sees you.

“Was he nice to you?” Negan questioned, peering at Rick. You want to tell him no, that everyone was being a dick to you, but you don’t.

“He was nice.” You lie. Rick glances over to you and you could have sworn you saw a look of relief on his face, but if there was, it was gone quickly. “Everyone here is really nice.”

“That’s what I like to fuckin’ hear! Good job, Rick.”

-

Its a few weeks after your first interaction with Carl. You were in the room with Negan’s wives, having a conversation with Sherry. There wasn’t much else to do around here, since Negan kept you on a pretty tight leash, and the wives were some of the only people he really let you talk to. Sherry really was a nice woman, and you hated what she had to do to save Dwight. She was still obviously in love with him, and she really wasn’t fond of Negan, but she had to do what she had to do. Honestly, she was one of the only wives that you actually liked.

“What the hell?” You say, gunshots coming from the outside interrupting your conversation.

“It’s probably nothing.” Sherry says. “Don’t worry.”

“Yeah…” you trail off. You knew it wasn’t your dad shooting off those gunshots because he only used Lucille to kill people. Usually.

You try to put the gunshots out of your head, convincing yourself that it was just people doing target practice.

A little while later, the door to the room that you were inside opens. Your dad and Carl walk in, and your eyes go wide at the sight of Carl. What is he doing here?

“Ladies,” Negan says, walking into the room and removing his scarf. “Hey, Y/N. Didn’t know you were in here.” He address you, smiling. Relief floods through your chest, thankful that those gunshots were not the fatal ones that killed him. You’re always afraid they will be.

“Don’t mind the kid.” Negan says, and Carl glances around the room. He looks at you for a good second before tearing his stare away. He looks completely uncomfortable, and you feel bad for him. Negan leans in and tells him something, making him blush, but you couldn’t quite hear what it was.

Sherry gets up and goes to talk to Amber, who looks like she’s about to cry. You frown and internally beg for her to stop, as you know how your dad gets about that kind of thing.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, dear wife?” Negan shoots them a look, pointing his finger to the other side of the room. “Make yourself comfortable, kid.”

Negan goes off to talk to his wives, and you get up off the couch. You walk over to Carl, who stiffens when you get near him- he’s obviously not sure what to think about all of this.

“Why are you here?” You say in a low tone. He looks at you but doesn’t respond.

“You shouldn’t have come, Carl. My dad could have killed you. Were you the reason for the gunshots?” You question him.

“I killed two of your men.” He looks away from you.

“You’re an idiot. You could have died. My dad is not a forgiving man.” You make him face you again. You look out of the corner of your eye to make sure your dad is still preoccupied with talking to Amber. She’s crying at this point, and you feel guilty for her, but she chose this. Negan gave her the option to leave and she said no.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Carl glares at you. You are taken aback by his aggressiveness and you step away from him. His face softens when he sees your reaction to his snapping at you, and he sighs.

He looks like he’s going to say something else, but the door opening and revealing Daryl and Dwight coming into the room stopped him. Carl’s eyes widen and he looks scared, but he doesn’t say anything. Daryl and Carl look at each other, and you frown. You forgot that your dad brought one of his men as prisoner.

Negan steps away from kissing Sherry as he walks over to Dwight, laughing at his obvious dismay to him kissing his ex-wife. You love your dad, but man was he an asshole sometimes.

“Y/N, Daryl brought us some food. Come eat.” Negan motions you to go over to them as well. Carl stares at you as you walk over to your dad, grabbing a grape off of the plate that Daryl was holding. You send Daryl a look of pity as you do this. You hate that he’s being kept here, even if he did punch the shit out of your dad’s face during the lineup.

“Carl, grab this tray for me and Y/N.” Negan tells Carl. Carl does as he’s told.

“Why do you got him here?” Daryl asks Negan.

“Woah,” Negan stops and looks at Daryl. “What we talk about when you’re not here is none of your business.” He glances over at Sherry, giving her a look. You’re confused, but you’re more hoping that Daryl shuts up so your dad won’t hurt him. “Do not make me put this toothpick through the only eye he has.”

Your eyes go wide at the threat your dad just made, making you go cold. You glance over at Carl, who doesn’t seem to be effected by the threat, but you know that’s most likely just him trying to put up a hard exterior.

Negan eventually sends Daryl and Dwight off, and you’re relieved that no one got hurt.

“Y/N, sorry you had to see that.” Negan sends you a forgiving look. “Why don’t you go wait in the room? We’ll be in there in a little bit.”

“Okay.”

You leave the room and you can feel Carl’s stare on your back as you make your way into the hallway. You’re only in the bedroom for about five minutes before your dad and Carl come in there, Carl still holding on to the tray of food.

“Are all of those women actually your-“ Carl starts to ask, not noticing you were sitting on the couch yet.

“Wives?” Negan raises his eyebrow, glancing down at you sitting on the couch. “Who wouldn’t want to screw a bunch of different women? Why settle for just one, why follow the same old rules? Why not make life better?”

You cringe at hearing him talk about his sex life with all of his wives. Negan sends you another forgiving look after saying that, but you don’t look at him. You keep your eyes focused on Carl.

They sit down on the couches, your dad next to you and Carl in front of you.

“You’ve met Carl, right?” Negan asks you.

“Briefly.” You say shortly.

“Now, Carl. This is the only girl I aint gonna let you look at her titties.”

You feel your cheeks getting hotter, and Carl’s face matches yours. Negan laughs, enjoying the awkwardness in the room.

“Lighten up, you two! Was my joke that bad?” Negan teases, patting you on the shoulder.

“Yes.”

“Time to get to business. I want to get to know you a little better, Carl.” Negan tells him,

They start talking, or Negan starts talking at least, and you zone out slightly. He’s going on about how Carl killed two of his men, how he’s brave for a kid his age. You don’t start listening again until you hear your dad bring up his eye.

“I can’t do it. It’s like talking to a birthday present- you’ve got to take that crap off your face, I want to see what Grandma got me.”

You look over at your dad, and then over to Carl.

“Dad, that’s not really necessary-“ You begin, but he stops you.

“Oh, princess, but it is. He killed two of our men. Two. This is his punishment.”

“Dad-“

“Two men!” He yells at you, making you jump back. He never yells at you. “Don’t piss me off today, Y/N. Today is not the damn day.”

“Okay, sorry.” You say quietly. The sorry is mostly directed towards Carl, as your looking at him when you say that, and thank god Negan doesn’t notice.

Carl takes off his hat, setting it on the table and sighing. He begins to unwrap his bandages, and you’re admittedly nervous to see what it looks like. You don’t want to take your eyes away, but you feel bad that he’s being forced to do something like this. The bandage is fully off and Negan tells him to move his hair out of the way so he can see better.

It looks disgusting. It really does. You’re going to look away, but the hurt look on Carl’s face stops you. He looks like he’s going to cry, and it really hurts your heart.

“Christ!” Negan bellows in response to seeing his eye. “That is disgusting, no wonder you cover that up. Have you seen it? I mean, have you looked in the mirror? That is gross as hell. I can see your socket!”

Carl starts crying now, the tears coming out of his eye definitely noticeable. He looks down, trying to hide his face from you two.

“I wanna touch it. Oh come on, can I touch it?” Negan taunts more.

“Dad!” You hiss, having enough. “Stop it!”

Negan looks over at you, and his face drops. He looks over at Carl, and it’s like he’s just now noticing that he’s crying.

“Oh,” Negan says underneath his breath, putting his hand to his forehead. “Damn. Holy hell, kid. Look, I- I’m sorry. I just, it’s easy to forget that you’re just a kid.”

You’re shocked by his apology. He has never apologized to anyone in his life, not besides you. But the look on his face was genuine, and it really was surprising to you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I just put you through that. You, too, Carl. That was not cool of me.” Negan frowns. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything. Or scare you, Y/N.”

“Why would you do that to him?” You cry out. You defend your father on a lot of things, the lineup included. But this? This was too much. It hurt you to see Carl like this.

“I was just screwin’ around-“

“Just forget it.” Carl speaks up. You’re interrupted by a knock on the door, and Fat Joey comes in.

“Sorry to interrupt sir, and ma’am, but you left Lucille out by the truck.”

You take this as your chance to leave, and get up off the couch. You look at Carl one last time before slipping out the door and heading back to your room.

You’re not sure why you defended him. You shouldn’t have. Despite your father being a total jackass to him, Negan was still your dad. You don’t even know Carl- why were you defending him?

-

You must have fallen asleep after that, because you wake up in your bed a few hours later and it’s almost dark outside. You put on your shoes and walked around, hoping to find Negan so you could apologize for earlier.

“Simon, where’s my dad?” You ask the first person you see after searching for a while.

“Alexandria. Taking that kid home. He should be back soon, I can tell him you were looking for him, ma’am.”

“Thanks.” You tell him. You hate how people treat you like royalty around here. It would be a good thing if it was because you were a genuinely likeable person, but you knew it was because of your dad. Fear that I would say something about them, making my dad “Lucille” them.

You go back into your father’s room, hoping that you could maybe get some peace in there. If you stayed out with everyone else, it’ll just be the same as your interaction with Simon, and your room was boring. Negan’s room has a TV and yours doesn’t.

You walk into the room, climbing onto the bed and turning the TV on. You put a movie in the DVD player and push play, but you weren’t really paying attention. Your eyes were more focused on the photos on his dresser, the ones of you and your mom. You miss her a whole bunch- she was your best friend, and you liked her a whole lot more than you did your dad. He was always super nice to you, but he didn’t treat your mom right and it made you grow to not like him as much. Of course, once the apocalypse began, he was all you had. You let go of all the anger you had built up for him, but that didn’t change the fact that you miss your mom. And judging by the photos he still had of her on his dresser, he missed her too.

It was late at night, and you were trying to stay awake until you dad got home, but tiredness was getting the best of you. You turned over and were about to fall asleep, but something sitting on the table on the other side of the room stopped you.

Carl’s hat.

You frowned, getting out of bed and going to pick it up. He must have left it here today on accident. You look around, making sure no one was around, and you walk over to the mirror, placing it on your head. It looked odd on you, but it smelled like Carl, which made your stomach get butterflies. You hear Negan’s voice coming down the hallway, accompanied by his loud footsteps, so you grab quickly grab the backpack that was sitting in the corner and shove the hat into it. You know that if he sees it, he won’t return it.

You climb back into bed and pretend to be asleep, barely making it before he opens the door.

“Who the fuck- Y/N?” He stops, seeing you laying in his bed. You lift your head, pretending like he woke you up, and smiled weakly.

“Hi, Dad.” You mumble.

“What are you doing in here?” He questions, closing the door and sitting on the bed.

“I woke up and you weren’t here. I was waiting for you to get home, sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy.”

“Princess, you’re fine.” He sighs, hugging you from the side. “Sorry if I scared you today.”

“You already apologized for it. I said it was fine.”

“I just… I gotta act like that. You know I do.”

“Yeah, I know.” You sigh. “I’m sorry for pissing you off. Shouldn’t have done that in front of Carl.”

“So are we good now?” He raises his eyebrow at you.

“We’re good. We were always good.” You get off the bed, and you grab your backpack from the floor.

“What’s in the pack?”

“Nothing, just some pajamas. I was gonna change in here but I fell asleep first.” You lie, giving him your sweetest smile.

“Alright. Before you go to bed, tell Dwight to get his ass in here. I gotta talk to him about somethin’.”

“Got it.”

You throw the backpack over your shoulder and leave his room, thankful he didn’t question more. You don’t know what you plan on doing with it now. It’s not like you can just up and leave whenever you want to.

“My father needs you.” You tell Dwight before going to your room.

As you in lay in bed, you can’t stop thinking about Carl. Why can’t you get this stupid boy off your mind?

-

It’s been a few days since Carl showed up at the Sanctuary, and you still haven’t figured out a way to give him back his hat. You could give it back to him when you got to Alexandria tomorrow with your dad, but you didn’t know if you’d get the chance. Besides, Negan would be overly curious as to why you’re bringing a backpack with you. He’d ask what was in it, and then you’d be forced to show him.

You don’t even want to imagine how that conversation would go. He’s extremely protective.

You finally think of a plan while you’re eating lunch. It’s a shit show of a plan and there’s a million ways that it could go wrong, but it was worth a try.

You finish your late lunch quickly and glance at the clock- it was four. You had plenty of time. You walk around until you find Dwight, who is standing near the gates.

“Dwight, I need you to take me to Alexandria.” You say simply, walking up to him.

“Why?” He eyes you, looking suspicious.

“Dad wanted me to remind Rick that he’s coming tomorrow.” You lie, keeping a straight face.

“I’ll have to confirm that with Negan-“

“No, Dwight, you won’t. And you know why? Because he’s currently spending quality time with his wives. You know how he gets when people interrupt him and wives.” You tell him in threatening tone, hoping that your plan would work. You’re not normally a mean person, but you’ve picked up some ways from Negan to get what you want.

“Y/N, I can’t-“

“Yes, you can.” You cut him off again. “Do you want to be on the receiving end of that bat for interrupting him?”

“No.”

“Then I suggest getting in the driver’s seat of a truck and driving me to Alexandria. Now.”

One good thing about being Negan’s daughter was the sense of authority you get. You’re the only person that Negan cares about more than himself, and he makes sure that people around the Sanctuary treat you that way, too.

Dwight hesitated, but grabbed a pair of keys next to him and led you out to the truck. You looked back onto the building as Dwight drove away, and you hoped that Negan’s night would be too busy to notice that you were gone. Between the wives and the bottle of alcohol he brought in the room before he locked himself in there, you figured he wouldn’t be out of there again until tomorrow.

“So, he told you to remind Rick, huh?” Dwight was still overly suspicious.

“Correct.” You nod your head, hoping that he would drop it. He looked over at you but didn’t say anything, leaving the car ride to a silent and uncomfortable one.

He pulls up to the main gate, and you hop out of the truck.

“Thanks.”

He nods and drives away, leaving you standing there all by yourself. A woman whose name you don’t know comes and opens the gate, giving you a glare.

“Relax, I’m not here to steal your shit. I’m not my father.” You roll your eyes and walk past her. Everyone gives you equally rude looks as you walk through Alexandria.

You honestly had no idea what you were doing here. In retrospect, going after a guy who you barely know and whose group strongly hates your group was probably not the best idea. Besides, you didn’t even know where he was at.

You bite your lip, looking around confused. You see Rick looking at you from afar, and even though you know he’s not your father’s biggest fan, at least it’s someone who’s face you recognize. You walk over to him, and he gives you a weary look but doesn’t move to walk away.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asks you. “Your father isn’t coming until tomorrow.”

“I’m not here about my dad.” You say. “I have something for Carl.”

You take off your backpack and set it on the ground. Rick looks at you, unsure if you’re being serious or not. You unzip the bag, and take out his hat.

“He’s been freakin’ out without that hat.”

“He left it there after he machine gunned two of our men.” You say blankly. “Figured I would be nice, return it to him.”

“Does Negan know you’re here?” He looks at you dead in the eye.

“No,” you admit, looking away from him. “He doesn’t.”

“Carl’s inside the house. You can go give it to him.” He says after a while. You smile, and put the hat back into your backpack.

“Thanks.”

You placed the bag back onto your back and you walked inside the house. It was nice, and it reminded you of life before the outbreak. You looked around, admiring the house. In a way, you envied what they have here. Or at least what they had before Negan took control. It seemed like the most normal community that has existed ever since all of this began. You won’t deny that you had a pretty good life over at the Sanctuary, but it certainly wasn’t normal. It didn’t give off that ‘pre-apocalypse’ vibe.

“Y/N?” A voice says, making you jump away from the kitchen counter. You looked over, seeing Carl standing there. He had a confused look on his face, but he didn’t look upset that you were there. Just confused.

“Hi, sorry.” You say nervously. Truth be told, you hadn’t had much interaction with a guy your age in a long time. There were guys at the Sanctuary but Negan never let you talk to them. He would always say they weren’t worthy of your time. So to be around this mysterious new guy, who was admittedly quite attractive, made you a little nervous. Even if he probably did hate you.

“What are you doing here?” He questions, walking a little closer to you.

“I, uh,” You stuttered. He raises his eyebrow at you, noticing how flustered he makes you. You blush, and just take off your backpack. “You left this.”

You hand him over his hat, and by the look on his face, it must be a pretty sentimental object to him. He looked like he wanted to cry with joy.

“Thanks for bringing it back to me.” He says, taking it from your hands.

“Nobody there had any use for it.” You shrugged, trying to act as if it was nothing. “Figured you might want it back.”

He nodded, and placed the hat on his head. It fit him well, you thought, it looked good on him.

“Well, I guess I should go.” You tore your eyes away from him, not wanting him to notice you were staring.

“You don’t have to leave. You snuck out to get here, might as well stay a little longer.” He says.

“How’d you know I snuck out?” You question him.

“My window was open. Heard your conversation with my dad.”

“Oh.” You say quietly.

“You can come upstairs if you want. I’m just reading comics.”

You know that you should say no and go home before Negan notices, but you nod your head and follow him upstairs anyways. His room is messy and there’s not much to it, but you don’t mind.

“Why are you nice to me?” Carl asks once you two were in his room. You had sat down on his bed, leaning against the wall, and he was sitting at the foot of the bed.

“I’m not like my dad. I don’t like hurting people.” You admit. “And I like your group. They seem like nice people.”

“Y/N, why are you here?” He asks more seriously this time.

“To bring you your hat?”

“You could have easily given it to Negan tomorrow to bring with him. Hell, you could have even came with him tomorrow to return it to me. But you didn’t. You snuck out here without telling him to give it to me. Why?”

You hesitate, unsure how to answer. You’re really honestly not sure yourself.

“I don’t know.” You admit quietly. “I guess I just wanted to see you again.”

“Why?” He questions again.

“I don’t know.” You say truthfully. The two of you look at each other, and you can feel him moving himself closer to you. He grabs your hand with his, interlocking your fingers together and pushing your foreheads together.

“W-What are you doing?” You ask nervously, your heart beating a million miles a minute.

“Kissing you.” He whispers, and presses your lips together. You freeze before kissing him back, hoping you’re doing it correctly. This was your first kiss, so you weren’t really sure what you were doing.

You eventually find a rhythm and kiss gets better. His hands are still interlocked in yours and his other hand is placed on your knee, making your stomach get butterflies.

He pulls away, eye locked on yours.

“That was my first kiss.” You blurt out, blushing.

“That was mine, too.”

He leans down to kiss you again, but the sudden yelling coming from outside stops the two of you. You pull away from him, running over to the window to see what was going on.

“Where the fuck is my daughter?” You hear Negan screaming at. Your mouth goes dry and you hide yourself out of sight, not sure what to do.

“She’s in the house with Carl, she-“ Rick starts to say, but the sound of a punch hitting his jaw stopped him from talking.

“You’re lucky that wasn’t Lucille hitting your dumb fucking face.” Negan spat at him. Carl looks at you in worry, and you take a deep breath. You don’t want anyone else to get hurt from something you did.

“Stay in here. I’ll go.” You tell Carl, grabbing your backpack and going to walk out the door.

“What’s he going to do to you?” Carl looks worried.

“Nothing nearly as bad as what he’ll do to you guys if I don’t leave now.”

The look on Negan’s face when you saw you was a mixture of pure pissed off and relief. He doesn’t say anything as he grabs your arm tightly and drags you off the porch, forcing you to walk with him back to the truck. His jaw is clenched and you can tell he wants to yell at you, you’re honestly not sure why he’s not, but his eyes remain looking forward as he brings you over to the front gate.

Rick looks at you with pity but doesn’t dare say anything. You look up and see Carl looking at you through the window, and he’s mouthing a ‘thank you’. You smile weakly at him before you’re shoved into the passenger seat of the truck and Negan drives off.

“What the shit was that?” He finally says after a while of being silent. Despite him being obviously mad, you’re glad he said something. Negan is not a man to be silent about things, and when he wasn’t talking to you, it made you very nervous.

You go to speak back to him, but he gives you a look that says you don’t want to speak to him right now.

“Imagine the look on my fucking face when I go to ask Dwight to clean Lucille for me and I find that he’s gone. Asked Fat Joey where he was, can you guess what he fucking told me?”

You don’t dare look at him in the face while he continues driving, although you know he’s staring daggers at you.

“That apparently, I fuckin’ sent you there! Can you imagine my goddamn surprise?”

“Sorry.”

“And what the fuck were you doin’ up there with that Grimes kid, huh? Fucking him?”

“You’re so dramatic…” You say under your breath, hoping he doesn’t hear you. Thankfully, he didn’t.

“I don’t care if you want a boyfriend, shit at your age I had multiple girlfriends. But that little serial killer? How are you even attracted to him? He’s only got one eye, and that shit is disgusting.”

“It’s not like we were having sex, Dad.” You turn your head so he can’t see you roll your eyes. “We’re… Friends.”

“Friends, right.”

“Friends.” You say again. You most certainly don’t want to bring up the fact to him that the two of you were basically making out in his room before he interrupted.

“Point fucking is, Y/N, that you cannot do this shit. That does not fly, not even with you. That is not cool. You absolutely cannot just trick my men into thinking I said something that I most certainly did not, and then leave without my permission. That is a no-no.”

“Won’t do it again.”

“Oh, I know you won’t.”

“Dad?” You say, finally looking at him in the eyes. You can tell that despite his rough demeanor and acting like he doesn’t give a shit about anything, he was actually worried. You can tell by the look on his face.

“What?”

“I love you.” You tell him, hoping that it will calm him down.

Negan looks taken aback- he doesn’t think he’s heard you say that to him since the outbreak began.

“I love ya too, kid. But don’t do this shit to me.”

Another advantage of being Negan’s daughter is seeing a side to him that no one else sees. He’s different with you. To everyone else, he’s this sadistic psychopath who kills people, but to you he’s just your dad. He’s overly forgiving with you and is as nice as he can possibly be. He’s even sweet sometimes.  Being his daughter really isn’t that bad.

-

When you get back to the Sanctuary, you can feel all eyes on you and Negan as he takes you back to your room. You sigh as you slide your shoes off and start to pick out your pajamas.

“Go to bed. We’ve got shit to do tomorrow.”

“You’re still letting me go to Alexandria with you?” You ask, eyes wide, surprised.

“You’re lucky that I am after the stunt you pulled today, but yes.” He nods.

“Thanks.” You smile. He ruffles your hair and walks out, leaving you alone in your room.

You didn’t sleep well and you kept tossing and turning, wondering what tomorrow’s events would include. You’d been to Alexandria before with Negan, and it seemed like someone always got hurt every time he showed up. You’re hoping that tomorrow is relatively uneventful and maybe you could even see Carl again.

You finally fall asleep around four in the morning, so when Negan comes to wake you up at eight, you’re grumpy and tired.

“Rise and shine!” He comes bursting into the room, opening your window.

“Ugh, let me sleep longer.” You beg, pulling the covers over your head to block out the sunlight.

“Nada.” He pulls the covers off of you, laughing at seeing how grumpy you were.

“You suck.” You groan.

“Sorry, don’t swing that way.”

“Wow, you’re hilarious.” You roll your eyes, getting out of bed. “I don’t understand how you’re in such a good mood at this ungodly hour.”

“It’s about to be a good damn day, that’s why.”

“Why?” You squint your eyes at him.

“Bout to see my best bud, Rick, that’s why!”

“Uh-huh.” You don’t believe him. You walk over to your closet and pick out jean and a long sleeve t-shirt, just your normal clothing.  Negan tries to get you to wear the nicest clothes possible, he tries to spoil you, but honestly you don’t care to wear the same type of clothing that his wives do. It’s uncomfortable to be in a dress all day. Skinny jeans and long sleeve t-shirts were good enough for you, or it was a nicer occasion you’d put on a skirt or something.

“Meet me by the gate in ten minutes.” Negan tells you before leaving you to dress. You put on your clothes and brushed your hair, throwing it up into a ponytail before walking out the door.

As you walk to the gate, everyone either avoids eye contact with you or is overly friendly. Half of them are scared to look at you because of who your father is, and the other just want to suck up to you because of who your father is. It’s a bit annoying, honestly.

“Let’s go!” Negan yells out to his men when he sees you approaching the truck. You slide into the passenger seat and the gate opens, allowing him to drive off.

“I expect you to be on good ass behavior today, got it?” Negan looks over at you.

“Got it.”

The rest of the ride is spent with Negan talking to his men about the plans for the day and what’d they be grabbing. Honestly, he was just going to steal more shit that he didn’t need, but you don’t say anything.

Rick lets you guys in the gates when you arrive, and you hop out of the truck. Most of the people in Alexandria look scared, which just makes Negan happier, but it makes you sad. These people are good people- they don’t deserve to be treated like this.

“I’ve gotta have a little chat with Rick.” Negan dismisses you. You take this opportunity to leave and go find Carl. After some looking around, you find him inside of his house with Judith. You stand in the doorway and smile before going in, loving how good he is with her. He’s a good brother. He’s playing with her on the floor of the living room and she’s smiling up at him, laughing at whatever he just told her.

You open the door, making Carl whip his head around to see who was coming inside.

“Y/N!” Carl looks relieved to see you. “I didn’t think you’d be here today.”

He motions for you to come sit down next to him, and you oblige.

“I didn’t think I would either. Dad went pretty easy on me.”

“Thank god. I was worried.” Carl admits.

“You were?” You begin to blush. This makes Carl blush as well, and you gotta admit, it was cute.

“Yeah, I uh, I was.” He mumbles.

“So, I’ve been doing some thinking.” You start. “And I have a question for you, too.”

“Okay.”

“Why are you nice to me? You have a million and one reasons to hate me.” You ask him.

“No, I have a million and one reasons to hate your dad. It’s just like you told me yesterday- you’re not like him. You’re different. You’re… Nice. And pretty.”

“If I’m being honest, you’re the only person that’s ever really talked to me. Sure, everyone where I lives will speak to me, but they’re too up my dad’s ass to get to know me. And everyone here just looks at me and sees my dad. So, thank you.” You look at Carl.

He leans in to kiss you, and your lips almost touch before Judith starts fussing. You two tear your faces apart and he immediately goes over to Judith, comforting her.

“You’re good with her.” You observe. He smiles at you while he brings her into his arms, rocking her to sleep. She closes her eyes almost immediately, and is asleep in less than five minutes.

Carl goes upstairs to put her in her crib and you follow him up there, feeling awkward if you just stayed downstairs by yourself.

“Sorry about that. It’s naptime.”

“It’s okay. I like Judith. She’s cute.”

“Yeah, your dad liked her, too.”

Carl grabbed your hand and led you downstairs, taking you into the kitchen. You look outside and frown, noticing that the sun had disappeared and it was most likely going to rain.

“Need anything to drink?” Carl asked while he filled up a cup of water.

“Yeah, actually, water sounds good.”

Carl handed you his cup after he took a sip, and you took a drink. You underestimated the amount of water that would come out, and the water spilled all over your shirt. You blushed at how insanely embarrassing that was, and Carl started cracking up laughing.

“How the hell did you manage to do that?” He asked between laughs.

“I’m a little clumsy.” You smile at his laughs and his genuine smile. You look down at your shirt and frown- it was white, and now the water was making your shirt suddenly very see through. Your light pink bra was very noticeable.

“It’s okay. Clumsy can be cute.”

“Do you, um… Do you think you can lend me a shirt?”

“Won’t your dad notice?” He furrows his brows. He’s trying very hard to not stare at you in your see through shirt, but he’s obviously failing as you can see him glance at your boobs every once in a while.

“That one girl here that’s our age- Enid, right?” You ask. He nods. “I’ll just say she lent it to me.”

“Enid’s at Hilltop.”

“Like my dad knows that.” You scoff.

Carl takes you up to his room, and the memories of yesterday flooded in. You wanted so badly to kiss him again. He goes over to his dresser and pulls out a flannel, one you’ve seen him wear before.

“This ok?” He asks, holding it out for you.

“That works.” You take it from him. Without thinking you remove your wet shirt in front of him, making his eyes widen.

“W-What are you doing?” He asks, obviously shocked, but not turning his eyes.

“Oh, sorry.” You turn to where your back is facing him instead of your chest, and put the flannel on. You realize that he’s probably never seen a girl that exposed except for his mother, which is why he reacted like that.

“Yeah, um, thanks for the shirt.” You say awkwardly, turning back around to face him. His face looks flustered and he has a weird look in his eyes.

“Yeah, anytime…” He trails off. You’re about to open the door to leave, but he grabs your arm to stop you. Confused, you turn around, and he smashes his lips against yours. You kiss back immediately and he brings you over to the bed, sitting down so you could crawl on top of him.

You feel a hardness press up against you, which makes you stop.

‘Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. What do I do?’ You think to yourself. You’ve only had your first kiss yesterday- you’re not ready for this yet.

Carl seems to read your mind and he gets up off the bed, apologizing.

“Sorry, got carried away.” He mumbles, obviously embarrassed.

“It’s fine. Really. It’s normal. I’m just not ready for that yet.”

“I get it.” He gives you a small smile.

“I should probably go, though. Thanks for the shirt.” You kiss him on the cheek.

“Will I get to see you again?” He looks down on you.

“Yeah, you will.”

You leave him upstairs as you exit the house, going outside. You can see Negan saying something to Rick in the distance, something presumably dick-ish from the look on Rick’s face. You walk over to them, and Negan frowns when he sees you.

“What the hell is that dirty ass shirt doing on you?”

“I spilled water on myself. I asked Enid to give me a shirt.” You lie. Your dad raises his eyebrows but believes the lie, although Rick gives you an odd look. He knows who’s shirt that is, but he doesn’t dare say anything. He just gives you a knowing glance and then returns his eyes to Negan.

“It’s time to head out.” Negan finally says after a while of silence. “And as soon as you get back, Y/N, you’re changing shirts.”

-

The next few trips to Alexandria went exactly like that. Negan wouldn’t always bring you along, but on the trips he did, you were excited to go. While he terrorized the rest of the group, you and Carl would go off somewhere. It worked out well for you and you were really enjoying spending time with him. He was the only person who saw you for you. You only visited about once a week, but those times were priceless to you.

“Hey, I remembered to bring you back your shirt this time.” You handed Carl his flannel.

“You should’ve kept it.” He grabs it from your hands, throwing it on his bed.

“Oh, I thought that you wanted it back?”

“Nah, looks better on you.” He holds your hands and pulls you closer to him, kissing you softly. Kissing him was not a new thing to you, but every time he did it, it made you get butterflies.

“You’re so beautiful.” He pulls away from you, and kisses your forehead.

“You’re not too bad yourself.” You laugh. “But please keep your shirt. My dad already didn’t like that I was wearing one of your guys’ clothes.”

“No offense, Y/N, but your dad is the biggest asshole on the planet.”

“He can be. He’s not always.” You try and defend him to the best of your abilities.

“He’s killed so many of us… Abraham, Glenn, Spencer, Olivia…”

“And Rick killed twelve of our men, and you killed two more of them when you tried to come to the Sanctuary to assassinate my father. We’ve all done things.”

“You haven’t.”

He was right. You’d never killed anyone, not even a walker. Negan wouldn’t let you.

“Yeah.” You say quietly. “Can we not argue about this? I don’t get to see you often enough. I don’t want to spend this time fighting with you.” You pout.

“Are you ever going to tell your dad about us?” Carl asks, sitting on the floor next to you.

“Trust me when I say that it’s better if he doesn’t find out.”

“I told my dad. You should tell yours.”

“You told Rick?” Your eyes opened wide. “What did he say?”

“Didn’t say much, really.”

“He hates me.” You sigh, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“He likes you the most out of all the Saviors.”

“I’m starting to think that I’m going to have to just admit that I’m never going to be liked around here. I mean, besides you.”

“I’m the only one that matters.” He whispers, leaning into your neck and giving you soft kisses.

He starts to bite down lightly on your collarbone, just to the side of where your shirt neckline started so your shirt would cover up the mark. You moan at the feeling and move his lips up to yours, climbing onto his lap and kissing him roughly. The familiar hardness presses up against your lower area, but this time, you don’t freak out. You start to lightly grind against it, making Carl groan at the feeling.

“Shit, Y/N, keep doing that.” He says, and you don’t argue.

You’re so caught up in the moment that you don’t hear someone walking down the hallway, and you don’t hear the door open to Carl’s room. You’re still moaning and grinding on Carl when you hear someone clearing their throat above you, making you jump off Carl immediately.

“What the hell happened to just friends?”

Negan was standing above you two, with an unreadable expression on his face. You blush and look over to Carl, who looked terrified.

“Y/N, let’s go.”

You look back at Carl, worried, but follow your dad out the door anyways. Rick is in the living room talking to Michonne, staring at the two of you while your dad basically drags you out the door.

“Are you mad at me?” You finally ask when you get inside the truck.

“Should I be?”

“What?” You’re surprised by his answer. He looks surprisingly calm and not pissed off.

“I aint dumb, Y/N. I was a teenager once.”

“Okay…” Your cheeks flush, embarrassed.

“I knew you liked that kid ever since you defended him in the Sanctuary. And when you snuck out to visit him. And when you would mysteriously goddamn disappear every time we would come to Alexandria. Don’t mistake me to be stupid.”

“And you’re okay with it?” You ask, dumbfounded.

“Believe it or not, I actually like the damn kid.”

“Oh?” You’re not sure how to respond. “Okay. Good.”

“So if you’re waiting for my permission or somethin’, you got it.”

“Jesus christ, dad, thanks.” You give him your biggest smile ever. “I love you, and again, thank you.”

You reach over and hug him, entirely surprised at that he was actually this cool about everything and even gave permission. That’s more than you could ever ask for.

“Shit, I haven’t seen you look this happy in a long ass time.”

“You know what would make me really happy?” You decided to press your luck.

“Hm?”

“If you let me stay in Alexandria for the rest of the night.” You weren’t really expecting a yes, but you figured you’d try anyways. “I don’t get to see him often.”

“You’re real damn funny, you know that?”

“It, um,” you let out a shaky laugh. “It wasn’t actually a joke.”

“You were being serious?” Negan raises his eyebrows. “You’re seriously askin’ if you can stay the night at your boyfriend’s house? To me? Your dad?”

“It was worth a try…” you mumble.

“Man, you’ve got some mighty big balls gathering up the courage to ask that. So, fuck it. Go ahead.”

“Wait, really?”

“You would just sneak out anyways.”

You don’t wait around to see if he’s going to change his mind. You kiss him on the cheek and hop out of the truck, walking back into Alexandria. Carl was sitting on the front porch with Rick, giving you an odd look as your dad drove off and left you there.

“Shouldn’t you be going with him?” Rick asks.

“He needed me to stay here tonight. Said something’s going on back home.” You lie. You didn’t really think this through, whether or not Rick would be happy if you stayed here.

“You can stay with us.” Carl blurted out, giving his dad a hopeful look.

“Yeah, you can stay with us.” Rick said, and you could have sworn you saw a hint of a smile on his face.

“Thank you.” You say genuinely.

“Wanna come back inside?” Carl gets up, walking back to the door.

“Sure.”

You hadn’t ever stayed at anyone’s house before, not even before the apocalypse. Negan would always tell you that you were too young before, and now that it was the outbreak, he definitely didn’t let you. Not until today.

“So what really happened? I know you lied to my dad.”

“My dad likes you, I guess.” You shrug. “I don’t know. He doesn’t like anybody, so this is weird for me, too.”

“See, we should have just told him a long time ago.” He kisses you, picking you up and setting you on the kitchen counter. You wrap your legs around him as he deepens the kiss, and his hands slide underneath your shirt, giving you the chills.

“Rick could walk in any minute.” You pull away. “I want him to like me.”

Carl ignores you and goes back to kissing you, and you want to melt. You’ve never felt happier than you do in this moment. You know that this won’t last forever, and you’re sure Carl knows it, too. You know that at some point, something is going to happen between the two of your groups, and it’s most likely going to end with one of your dad’s deaths. But for now, this was it. You’re living in the moment, and this is all you want. Carl.

“Let’s go upstairs.” You find yourself saying.

“Are you sure?”

“We only have one life, Carl. Even if it’s a shitty one, let’s live it to the fullest while we can.”

[dreampvck-archived]

highlights of the BTS #WingsInSydney Concert

im writing all these down at once because holy fuck this concert was like a religious experience also they’re probably not in order of how they happened oh well

this got ridiculously long so they’re all below the cut

the first words out of namjoon’s mouth were “g’day mates” im fuckin crying

“bts can’t speak english” who ???? they sounded fluent as hell jfc and they memorised all the things they had to say in english so damn well

i actually started fucking crying when jimin did his greeting in english bc i am a soft jimin stan™ and also hopeless lmao

yoongi took out his earpiece to hear us all screaming when he did his greeting oh my god i love this man

the solo stages ??? hoLY FUCK my dudes

they were so good 

fucking jungkook’s footwork like he could dance like that on my gotdamn grave and id thank him

jimin looked like a prince in his sparkly ass suit for lie fucking hell hes never looked more angelic

jfc okay so australia is home to the fucking most yoongi and hoseok stans you have no idea... they got the loudest cheers and yells and it was amazing

on a related note, everyone started chanting “min yoongi” before first love and it was amazing

first love was so beautiful i cried, my friends cried, the whole audience cried

okay but on a more serious note its actually so fucking beautiful, just listening to yoongi... you can hear how much he’s been through and listening to him in that moment it was just so fucking clear: this is a man who has been broken and for whom music was his only salvation and fucking hell u can hear it in his voice

yoongi teared up at the end of first love

namjoon had such a small but beautiful smile on his face when he heard the audience sing “we love you” after his “i wish i could love myself” in reflection it was so sweet

fucking taehyung has the biggest vocal range ive ever heard jfc 

j-hope’s mama was lit as fuck, as is to be completely expected tbh

and jin holy fuck..... im so glad this fandom has stopped sleeping on this man because his voice is mesmerising

also ??? they all looked so fucking beautiful

like im not even close to kidding... pictures and videos don’t do them any justice at all

think of the best photos you’ve ever seen of them, times it by three hundred, and you’ll maybe get 1/3 of how pretty they actually are irl its fucking insane

also their fucking skin looked incredible

it was so beautiful and brown 

taehyung was wearing a white headband for some bits and it was incredible

also ?? holy fuck i knew yoongi could rap fast but jesus christ hearing him do it live is something else

does that man even need to breathe i dont think so

jin introduced himself as “mr worldwide handsome” like five times it was amazing

also his heart bracelets were so cute im going to die

jimin is super graceful onstage and he made every single dance look incredibly easy i love him

at one point taehyung was talking to the audience and he had a beanie on but one tuft of hair was sticking straight up out of his fringe and it was the cutest thing but someone (i think it was yoongi?) walked over and flattened it down for him

at the end, jin was doing these huge goodbye waves w his entire arms and jungkook was walking behind him and they bumped into each other and jungkook pulled the funniest face ive ever seen but then they hugged it out

lol the show was meant to end at 9 but they kept performing until 9:27 i love my generous men

aaaand this got super long so im gonna end it here. but for real the concert was amazing, if any of y’all get the chance to attend a bts concert - please do. it is so, so worth it.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

live blogged taz thoughts under the cut, it’s becoming a new tradition for me to do this every new episode lol

i am already super fucking worried about this episode just based on the narrator and the description

travis already layin on the sex jokes

well this is creepy as shit

cap’n port not taking a scorched earth approach for once lol

OH NO HOLY SHIT

what the fuck is this crucible bs

MAGNUS YOU SHIT HEAD DON'T ANTAGONIZE THE DUDE

NOT MY BABY NO NO NO NO NO GRIFFIN YOU BETTER NOT HURT LUCRETIA FUCK NO

i know this is a serious ass scene but the link in my mind between the seven deadly sins and fma is making me laugh

okay that little thirty second top of the head speech right there is why magnus is my favorite, holy shit that was amazing

that was a funky ass way to pronounce bluejeans... and then like two seconds later clint comments on the same thing lol

barry you done fucked up

OF COURSE MERLE GETS LUST, I'M FUCKING DYING

“ARBOR ARDOR” M E R L E

i'm beginning to legit worry that only magnus is making it out of this alive

lup my baby i love you but omg this is not the time

"wrath? don't forget wrath" "oh hella, hella wrath" THESE TWO OMG

LUP WHAT THE FUCK, Y'ALL DUMB ASSES STOP PLEADING GUILTY

i could have called wrath for davenport tbh :/

TAAKO OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU FUCKING IDIOT I LOVE YOU

i'm drawing them all as homunculi later, mark my words

i'm really glad that they’re being honest about the situation with the weird god judge thingies, hopefully this will help earn them some credit for the main trial

HE NICKNAMED THE VOIDFISH FISHER I'M DYING

i was most worried about taako and he ended up being the best off lol

TRAVIS HOW DID YOU FUCK UP THAT BAD, CLINT ROLLED BETTER THAN YOU

aaand magnus is dead crystal kingdom style, wonderful :T

oh this is creepy as shit

"THERE WILL BE A NECESSARY BETRAYAL" LUCRETIA

i'm trying to write out all the things griffin is saying overlaid with the other voices and wow there is so much shit, i might post what i get later just so others can have the transcript if no one else has done it already

OH MY GOD ITS ALL THE BAD SHIT THE BOYS DID

THE LINE ABOUT ANGUS I'M... I'M CRYING, MY POOR BABY ; n ;

WAIT SO... LUCRETIA WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT ALIVE, LEFT ALONE FOR A WHOLE YEAR BY HERSELF? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD GRIFFIN WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO MY DAUGHTER HOLY FUCKING SHIT

"this is when lucretia became madam director" I AM DEAD INSIDE

"that's alright old man, just take every bit of joy i have" travis plz

thank you trav for the extra development, i love the idea of papa magnus and his wee voidfish baby ^u^

oh holy shit what is this new development

i feel like this may be where we get lich barry and possibly lich lup

yay, taako centric arc :D

travis what the fuck is going on with your voice r/n

this is one cool setting omg

okay now i really wanna know why justin hates nathaniel hawthorne and james fenimore cooper

DAVENPORT CREATED THE OCULUS, CONFIRMED

well now i know the difference between an autobiography and a memoir, thank you travis

"i've learned from taako to build my brand" merle omg

damn clint, bangin out the good roles this arc

"it really focuses on my teen years, cause i went through a lot of shit" merle with that relatable feel

EXTREME TEEN MERLE

THIS IS THE PROTECTION SPELL FROM REUNION TOUR AAAAA

every interaction between merle and lucretia make everything in the main story so fuckin sad and i just... kill me griffin, just kill me

CRAVABILITY

taako what the actual fuck, fucking voice acting

I'M CALLING IT RIGHT NOW, THIS IS WHERE LUP TURNS INTO A LICH, THIS IS WHERE SHE GETS A POSITIVE MEMORY THAT FUELS HER LICH FORM AND ALLOWS HER TO POSSESS THE UMBRA STAFF LATER ON

FUCKING CALLED IT

i really want to know what this song is called, can't wait for it to go up on soundcloud

is it bad i am like... LEGIT worried that taako will fuck this up somehow even though i know that griffin has a narrative he wants to create and probs won’t let that happen?

"oh shit, is it today?" so can we assume taako just cooks huge ass breakfast spreads of insanely high quality on the reg then

"there are people who are enjoying the day-" "there's nobody alive on this planet but the seven of you." "... well, we're the people" PFFF

are they going to fuck with davenport??? justin what the fuck have you got in mind for this

"ILLUSIONS" I'M FUCKING DYING OH MY GOD

TAAKO WHAT THE FLYING FUCK

lup my beautiful destructive daughter i love you so so so much

AAAW TAAKO OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU SWEET, SWEET BABY BOY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

“you are my heart“ I  A M  D E S T R O Y E D

“his legs are trembling in absolute panic“ T A A K O

“yeah, i got this“ yeeeah gimme that good blupjeans shit

LUP FUCKIN DABBED OH MY GOD

YEEEAH BABY, YOU LIGHT UP THOSE NIHILISM DEMONS!!!

“we’re real fucking close” *cries*

so that was a really damn intense episode full of moments that made me want to cry a lot, and i loved it. can’t wait for two weeks from now when we get to see the shit that went down to create the BoB and cry some more :’)

[captnbarnesrogers]

I Had Him

Pairing/Characters: pre-serum!Steve x Reader, Bucky Barnes, OMC (Eddie)

Warnings: um smUT liKE I PROMISED A DuH, jealous steve, insecure steve, lmao Sargeant kink like don’t evEN FigHT mE, praise kinkkkk, oral (MR), heaps of dirty talk, unprotected sex (wrap it up before you fuck up) spanking, a bit of angst maybe? Idk reader bewareee

Summary: Inspired by some dream I had the other night and the conversation I had with the lovely @acklesdowneyandhiddles-ohmy

Word Count: 2537

A/N: I’m proud of the title cause double meanings are incredible hA but all I’m gonna say is: Good luck... I’m not an asshole, I just love you guys

“Awwww c’mon, Steve, please? For meeee?” You boyfriend scoffed at you and lightly kicked the grass in front of him. He looked at your face, the way it out shone the moonlight itself. Your incredible beauty taking his breath away, he wondered how on earth he could land the most beautiful girl in New York. He couldn’t resist your begging. The only reason he didn’t want to go to the carnival was because he felt insecure to be standing or even to be seen with you. Him? With a girl like you? It just didn’t make any sense. It might not’ve made sense to him but it made sense to you. He was the most incredible person you’d ever known. He was smart, funny, and sweet. He respected you, he looked after you, despite what he believed he lacked of. So what he wasn’t built or tall or whatever else he wish he had? You didn’t really care, you never did, you loved him. No matter what. You were incredibly in love with him and all you’d hoped for was he felt the same.

“Come on, man, you really gonna resist your girl?” Bucky says as he sat on the steps, smirking at Steve,

“Alright-” You squealed and hugged him, kissing him on the lips,

“Yay, yay, yaaay!” You were so excited, you were finally going to be able to show everyone your man but you could see the discomfort on his face, you decided against the carnival, “or we could stay home and make dinner if you want, baby, you know I’m not picky.” Bucky stood up from his spot when a girl called for him across the street, he tapped Steve on the back indicating he was leaving,

“No. no, we can go… I just- Isn’t it gonna look a little bit odd, doll?”

“What is?” He gestured between you both,

“You’re incredibly gorgeous and I’m-”

“Mine.” He let out a small smile,

“Yes but-”

“No buts, Steve, you are mine and you’re perfect to me, why do you always stress about these things?” You stepped forward, grabbing his small hands and putting one around your waist and the other on your cheek, “I don’t care what they think! I’m completely and one hundred percent yours, Steve Grant Rogers and I won’t have it any other way.”

“You’ve got me completely wrapped around your pinky, sweetheart, you know that, don’t you?” You place a soft kiss on his lips, smiling in it, you pull away and nod, “I’ll pick you up at 5:30 tomorrow?”

“Okay, Sargeant.” He growled as you walked away, his eyes landing on your ass. He tries to walk away but he turns around and runs to you, hands wrapping around your waist,

“You’re killing me, doll.”

“What are you gonna do about it? Huh, Sargeant?” He pushes you against the wall as soon as you open the door,

“I plan to do a lot of things.” Before he could go on further, you both hear a cough and pull away almost instantly at the sight of your dad,

“Shit, dad, hi,” Your dad stares at the both of you intently, “T-this is uh- This is my boyfriend Sargeant Steven Rogers.” Your dad scoffs and walks away, you laugh, silencing yourself when your head lands on Steve’s forehead. Steve was completely flushed, after going steady for about eight months, he still hadn’t met your parents and meeting your dad like that just caught him off guard,

“Goddamn it, your dad hates me!”

“He doesn’t hate you, he just found out his little girl has a boyfriend, he’s probably a little bit upset.” A smirk appeared on his face,

“Speaking of little girl.” His hands wound their way back up to your body,

“Shut up.” You laugh, shoving him out the door. You close the door enough to where you could poke out your head, “5:30 tomorrow, I love you, sweets.” He gives you a quick peck on the lips before walking down the steps of your house, smile reaching from ear to ear, God, you were fucking perfect.

Steve arrived at your house at 5:20, always punctual was he. He greeted your father, who in return scoffed at him once again whilst shaking his hand. Steve promised him to have you home by 8:30 and your dad went back to reading his book, feet up in front of your television. With the click of your bedroom door, Steve stood up to greet you. His eyes widened at the sight of you, you wore a red dress, your hair neatly curled into victory rolls and the pin he gave you, poked through the collar of your dress. You could outshine the many stars he saw tonight, no doubt about it.

“We’ll be leaving now, dad.” You say, kissing him on the cheek and taking Steve’s hand in yours,

“Have her back before ten, a lady who is out late is indecent, Y/N.”

“Of course, dad.” You lead him out and as you close the door, he pulls you in for a kiss. Your mouths move against each other, he grips your waist roughly, your hands tangling through his blonde hair. You smile and pull away,

“You look fucking gorgeous, I couldn’t control myself in there I just- Fuck, I wanna tear this thing off of you.” He bit his lip and began to rub his hands on your sides, “and you’re wearing my pin… God, what’d I do to deserve you?”

“You’re gonna have to control yourself for the rest of the night, Steven, I wanna play at the carnival, c’mon!” You giggled at him, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the colourful bright lights just beyond your home.

He intertwined his fingers with yours as he swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. He could feel the eyes burning through the both of you, he thought about turning around and running out but he felt your hand tighten around his. He faced you, your face softening at the sight of him. You mouthed a quick ‘I love you’ before he nods and kisses you.

“You gonna win me somethin’, Sarge?” He groans at his nickname,

“Do I get a reward, doll?”

“You sure do.” You place a kiss on his cheek then nearing his ear to whisper, “You get to tear every piece of article off of my body. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds like a party to me, doll.”

“Do your best, Rogers.” He walked forward to the darts and targets game, giving the owner his dollar to start the game. He picked up the three darts placed in front of him and three swift, straight moves, he hits the bullseye, winning you the biggest stuffed animal at that game, “Holy shit, oh my god, it’s so big!”

“I can give you something else big, darlin’,” You both hear behind you, “Not like that tiny spunk you got there.”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” Steve warned, clenching his fists at his sides, you squeezed his arm,

“Walk away, Steve.”

“C’mon, darl, I’m Eddie, you’re hot, why don’t you leave the little boy and come with the real man.” Eddie licked his lips and stared your body down. Steve lunged forward, his small fist contacting with the rock hard jaw of the buff man before the both of you, you tried to grab him but Eddie already had him in his grip,

“Oh my god!” You pushed at Eddie, “Let him go, asshole!” Eddie shoved Steve to the ground and proceeded to grab you by the arm where you then twisted your gripped arm out of his hold, punched  him straight in the face and kneed him in the stomach. Eddie fell to the ground, clutching his stomach, finding the air he needed to take in. You neatened your clothes and your hair before quickly making your way to Steve; mouth dripping with blood, you help him up “Christ, let’s get you home.”

As you both walk in silence back to Steve’s place, he begins to cough, the feeling of air cutting out filling his lungs. You sit him down the nearest steps you could find and taking a handkerchief from your small bag, you lick it and begin to wipe the blood from the side of his mouth.

“Breathe, Steve, slowly.” He starts to follow the pattern of your chest, up and down, in and out, he pulls away from your touch,

“I had him, Y/N, you didn’t need to do that!”

“Actually, Steven, I did,” You replied in a matter-of-factly tone, standing up from your crouch. You take a step back and cross your arms,

“I’m the man here, Y/N, I should be protecting you! Not the other way around!” He stands up from the step he was sitting on and walked behind you, “He was- The way he was looking at you, he was hitting on you, doll, I wanted to rip his head off!” He began to huff, pacing back and forth, trying to calm himself, “I am so sorry I’m not big and tall, Y/N, I’m sorry I can’t be like them, I can’t save you when you need it.”

“Shhh...” You pulled him into a hug and held him close, “I don’t care about that kind of stuff, Steve,” You rest your head on his forehead and place a chaste kiss on his lips, “I don’t need saving, I just need you, Sargeant.”

“You drive me fuckin’ insane, doll.”

“Take me home, please, your home?”

“What about your dad?”

“I got Sandy to call the house after we left and you know her, the actress she is, she cried on the phone and begged him to let me stay over her house.” Steve laughed at your plan,

“My baby girl is a sneaky little genius.” You both rushed back to Steve’s place and before you could even get one foot through his door, you were pushed inside, you back crashing into the wall. You laughed but it was cut off as quickly as it started when Steve attached his lips on your neck. You cried out as his fingers trailed up your dress, they danced against your thigh,

“Steve...” You moaned, your eyes rolling back when his hand snakes its way into your underwear. You gasped when his fingers began to rub small circles on your clit, your knees almost giving up after he bites your earlobe and sucks the spot just behind your ear, “Steve, I can’t st-stand like this.”

“Right, sorry, doll...” He grabbed your hand and led you to his room, he pushed you onto his bed and took the dress off of your body, throwing it behind him along with your discarded underwear and bra, you took a moment to take in the sight, he did it every time. It was like it was the first time he saw you ready and bare for him, he made you feel beautiful every time, “You are so goddamn beautiful, sweetheart, fuck...” You pull him down for a kiss. Your tongues dancing together as he kneaded your boobs,

“Steve, y-you’re wearing too much.” You panted, he never moved faster than in that moment. With the slip of his briefs, you flipped him so you could straddle him, feeling his hard cock in between your wet, warm folds,

“Jesus Christ, Y/N...” His small hand gripped your waist as your ground yourself on him,

“I have been this wet for you since we left my house, Steve, it was torture.”

“You should’ve told me, doll, you know I’d done somethin’ ‘bout it.” He growled when you halted your hips but was rewarded again when you began kissing down his small, pale figure, your nails dragging down his chest. You reached the spot just above his cock and kissed it, looking up seductively at him. You kissed the tip before wrapping your warm mouth around him completely and bobbing your head up and down. Steve threw his head back in absolute bliss, his hand roughly gripping your thick locks. He pulls you off of him, the saliva from your mouth dripping from his cock, you whined,

“Sargeant, please!”

“What do you want, sweetheart?” He caressed your cheek with his thumb before swiping the saliva from your bottom lip and pushing his thumb into your hot, newly fucked mouth,

“Fuck my mouth, Sargeant, please?” He could see you begging for it through your glossy eyes,

“Be good for me, little girl.” He put your head back down and shoved his cock into your mouth, you began to moan uncontrollably. Your moaning was replaced with a choke when his hard dick hit your throat, your saliva dripping from the sides, “I am not… cumming in your mouth, kitten.” He pulls you off of him and keeps you on your all fours, “Beg for it.”

“Fuck me, fuck me wherever you want, Sargeant, I want you so bad, please!” He chuckled darkly and a hard spank landed on your ass,

“Not good enough, kitten.”

“I’ll be so fuck-king good for you, Sargeant, whatever you say, whatever you want, I follow, p-please, Sargeant, I am so fucking wet and tight for you!”

“Good girl.” He held the base of his cock, giving it a few tugs before entering your slick covered cunt, “Shit- AH- Fuck!”

“Steve! Yo-you’re so fucking big!” He stopped at a halt when he was balls deep inside of you, “M-move, please!” He began to thrust roughly as soon as you let those words go,

“You’re so goddamn tight, Y/N!” He gave your ass a couple more spanks as you cried out of bliss, chanting his name like it was the only thing you had knowledge of, “Who do you belong to?” You moaned incoherently, he thrust roughly into you, “Who. Do. You. Belong. To?”

“You! You, Sargeant Rogers! I’m all yours!” His thrusts begin to slow down, indicating that he was close, “I- Steve, can I cum? Please!”

“I’m right behind you, baby-doll.” He panted and just like that, you shook from the immense amount of pleasure he gave you and he whispered sweet nothings into your ear as he spilled himself into you. You end up laying your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat slow down.

“You’re really leaving tomorrow.” You held him tighter,

“Unfortunately but hey, at least it’s for the country right?”

“Sure.” He lifts your head so you could face him,

“Hey, I’ll be back before you know it.” He kisses you and caresses your cheek,

“Promise?”

“You’re the thing that’s gonna keep me alive while I’m there, doll, I promise.” He left the next morning with a kiss on your lips and the same promise of return from the night before. He wrote every single day and suddenly everything stopped. Your hand covered your mouth as your eyes wept. You couldn’t believe your eyes as you read the letter.

‘It is in our heaviest of heart to bring the news of the death of Captain Steven Grant Rogers.’

It’d had been four months and now he’d never see the growth of the sure carbon copy living inside of you.

“We’ll be alright.” You spoke as you rubbed the small bump.

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