#ive been having a very hard time with my art lately (then again art has always been tough)

[kidfoundonstreets]

[matamisin]

*sad beat-boxing*

[satoruhour]

gggOoooOOOOD MORNING ‼️‼️ ive been eating up your masterlist esp your racer au UGHHHH that was the last thought in my head before sleep and the first when i woke racer!geto was just. so. fking. h o t. u dont understand like that has a G R I P on me rn UGHHHH I LOVE IT SM do u have any spare hc for geto in this racer!au? if u dont thats okay! just know i ate that fic up 🫶🏻🫶🏻🥺🥺

a/n: thank u anon 4 the support im glad u liked the racer!au hehe. the original au here, how did you meet and geto’s own elaboration post for context. tagging @na-t0 @crysugu @omgeto @slttygeto / 2.4k

warnings: (in second half of post) mentions + discussions of semi-public sex, filming, fingering while driving, oral (f and m receiving), protected and unprotected sex, f and m masturbation, phone / webcam sex, sharing with gojo & nanami

AAHHH i might have !!! racer!geto has a special place in my heart huhu i would love to develop more

to start off i would say that he’s just… such a good bf. like i know it’s obvious but also the next day after your late night drifting he texted you to ask if you wanted to go back to the cafe :D

he paid for everything again and he was so happy seeing u get another cinnamoroll trinket !!

so when the cafe has another sanrio event you BET hes bringing you there again. it just so happened that it was a berry and cherry event too ahhhh geto’s so cute getting all excited and stuff

he got you two matching coffees with berry and cherry foam art

that cafe has become a monument in your relationship — your first date, the place where geto officially asks you to be his partner with a big bouquet of flowers that you’re hiding ur face wherever you go for the rest of the day cause it’s huge 😭 he brings you there with his racer friends as well (gojo cheers and nanami scoffs that these things weren’t for him but he loved their pastries wheeee)

attentive, attentive! always leaves his jacket in the car for you if you get cold in his Mazda. resorts to a jacket he doesnt like to wear much but bc he always puts you first, he doesn’t mind :(

geto doesnt like to race with outerwear on him so he always loves seeing you greet him after a successful race with a big grin on your face, jacket swallowing ur physique as u keep urself protected against the tokyo chill !!!

said this before but he looooves seeing you in his car. it just ignites something in him, seeing you propped up on the leather seats and looking out the window when you’re driving. it just gets him sort of feral

ALSO also bc his Mazda was his first proper and real racing car he’s very selective of who he lets touch it / sit in it etc

so when gojo does it he swats him away like a fly and asks him not to dirty his finishing as also geto is the only one to be seen in his car until you come along and gojo sees you sitting on the hood

hes reaching forward to tell you to get off bc he knows suguru doesnt like it but your bf only walks up between your legs to greet you with a big smile. the betrayal gojo felt 💀

overall the relationship with geto is quiet and calming. no need for talking if you dont feel like !!! all racer geto needs is his hand on your thigh that’s always stroking the skin there and you

but loves it when you do talk! he tries so hard not to turn to you cause if he does he’d crash the car 😭😭 he just loves ur beauty and the way you ramble so much !!

one time he swerved and almost hit a car because he was watching you talk about the recent research you did on cars and also running back the terminology he’s been patiently teaching you

to hear his partner talk about cars >>> he’s so excited that you’re finally entering his world that he gets so engrossed and almost collides 😭

NO MORE pls omg he was more scared than you were

but also running off on that, geto is understanding when he teaches you about terminology about racing, abt the parts in a car. he took apart an old car in his garage just to teach you and he loved that you were trying your best to memorise everything 🥹

getting into an rs with geto also has given you more confidence, so he loves how you strut your stuff. he wasnt complicit in anything truly !!! didnt force you to wear anything or do anything you didnt want to, so he was very proud of you when you came out of your shell

geto would love you either way :3 hes just a sweet boy like that

i also relate him to han very closely from f&f… always eating his snacks in tokyo drift LMFAO - geto is chill, letting you feed him his snacks as you cuddle up on him on his hood and watch the new race

ok so, he LOVES racing and geeking out about them but he finds sometimes he watches you way more than the races and before then the race is already over 😭

“suguru! did you see how i crushed the other guy?” gojo emerges and shouts across the parking lot and geto is just like “huh? sorry i wasnt looking was too busy looking at my lover” LMAOOO

when you can’t attend his races you always make it a point to send a selfie with your cherry keychain and he sends one with his berry one back and its just soooo cute youre giving him so much wallpaper material!!

also likes to bring you on drives at night - if you need to rush something or study you bet he’ll be there. he’ll try not to interrupt you, looking at your knees tucked in your arms and memorising your notes

he plays those subliminal audios as a joke and annoys you in the process 💀 

and then just pecks your forehead in apology as he watches or helps you with assignments while occasionally looking out the window and smoking

geto always has a hand on you. it shows his possessive streak and just a general love for physical touch

like i said doesnt pressure u into anything but you’ve expressed interests in his tattoos before

you get a tramp stamp with him for your first one! the pain wasnt that bad, more from lying on your stomach for like 2.5h because of the shading lol. it’s a simple one, but a popular one because of the culture

geto offered to pay for you and you rejected, and he said “alright. half at least” and you didnt exactly oppose that because you were running low on jpn yen for your overseas exchange stay

the tattoo looked so good omfg geto was like . going INSANE it was lowkey funny

gojo and nanami wouldnt hear the end of it for like 3 weeks 😭😭😭

had the photo of you and your tramp stamp as his lockscreen for the longest time

as always tattoos are very addictive! you got a few more in the short span of 6 months (maybe 2-3 small ones) but what really made geto go like. clinically insane was this super big on on your thigh (peep the very first post of this au!!)

it’s a spider with chinese traditional ropes and it was by far your biggest one, taking a dent in your account that you had to lie and ask ur parents for more money after and promise to pay back by working part time

ok i need to preface this part first that geto adores your thighs - you didnt show much of it at first but when you start to be more comfortable with the racing scene he almost came in his pants when you first wore a miniskirt

so to see such beautiful ink on YOUR thighs oh my days felt like you were a goddess walking down the steps to his garage

has a little matching tattoo with you :( it’s not too obvious, but has features of berry and cherry on the both of you <3 down the line he would get other vague and subtle couple tats with you but if you want to mark up your body however you wanna he’d like that too :3

so i actually left the latest fic on a cliffhanger… bro was so heartbroken after you left :( couldnt race properly, couldnt focus in uni, poor boy

even gojo or nanami couldnt get thru to him, but over time he got used to the distance and timezones. moves his whole set-up to the garage just so he’d get better wifi there and also show the latest upgrades to his car !!! the webcam quality is pretty shitty on both ends though so you get disappointed more than once trying to talk to him bc the call isnt connecting well :/ 

continues to send those berry / cherry pics where you’re miles away, and more than once suguru has gone to bed crying :(( but i will keep these sad ones short bc i hate angst and also i might wanna write a next part uh… we’ll see

geto also mails things to you which take ages to ship and you only get the presents one month before you finish uni for good and 💀 it’s so funny seeing his shock at you having just received his gifts

a sweet, sweet bf who takes care of you immensely <3

n*sfw hc’s under divider

now >:) i also dont want to go into too much detail because. i might. MIGHT. continue. do not ask for the next part explicitly tho that shit annoys me. but geto loves to see your body on his car and the risks that come with it

you guys fuck more in his car compared to his or your room looool.

fingers you when he drives sometimes. when you’re feeling needy all you need to do is drag his fingers to your throbbing core and let him feel how wet you are. 

he tries so hard not to look at you bc you know what happened the last time, so he relies purely on his touch and your hands, fingers slipping inside your panties and he grabs onto the steering wheel with the hardest grip

geto has the patience of a monk, however, letting you use him for your high and grinding down on his fingers. it’s usually not after the race or errand that he properly fucks you bc he knows if he starts he will. not. stop. not even lying

has adrenaline high after racing and will fuck you always unless he’s roughed up, but unlike gojo he probably will drive to a more secluded area. the car is there, the risk is there, it gets geto all riled up

one time he was pissed his opponent scratched his Mazda while racing and while he still won, he pushed you into his leather seats to slam into you. he was going so hard the car was shaking, and he teasingly shows you the brief video gojo sends you later, caressing your very sore legs (you were fine with the recording)

“guess i went too hard, huh?”

you shove him and tell him jokingly, “tell your pervert friend to stop filming us!”

“you like it. me showing everyone who you belong to.” geto is so possessive i swear

loves fucking you in the mountains bro is freaky asf. brings you on late night drives and lays on the hood with you to watch the stars - sometimes it ends cleanly but most times you’re feeling up each other until you’re bent over his Mazda letting him fuck you raw

has fucked you while in the driver’s seat, riding him. has given u oral as u lay on the hood of his car, done a full nelson in his backseat whew you name it he’s so gross and filthy. 

when u contrast it properly with how loving and generous he is and to him when it comes to you and your body the difference is insane. but it also sometimes seeps through when he can’t handle your cute outfits and just has to land a smack and squeeze to your ass

ok this isnt n*sfw but it’s so hot of him - he HAS done this before. made you sit in gojo’s car as he drifted around you in a quiet tokyo crossing late one night and oh my god you made sure he knew how attractive you thought he was. gojo left right away when you two started flirting 💀

likes to both give and receive, so the first time you go down on him was possibly just right after he’s done the drifting around you and you couldn’t resist palming him from the passenger’s seat. you asked him to pull over immediately went to the driver’s side and started pulling at his pants.

you didnt even think that your knees were going to be on gravel so before you could kneel down to suck him off he took his jacket from the back seat to put on the ground …. and then proceeded to get the best blowjob of his life LMFAOOOO

getos a little crazy it’s ok i can take him ! but yea hes filthy thru and thru and dude he missed you sm when you left back to your country.

of course, of COURSE has jerked off at the thought of you, to photos you’d send of a new outfit. also has proposed having phone sex. webcam sex is reserved for special occasions because the sight of you playing with yourself is enough for him to book a flight 😭 he possibly couldnt handle it so he settles for your voice only

he doesnt like to share you, but when you do ask if youve ever thought of getting gojo and nanami in on the fun …. ooh. good luck

again his possessiveness shows so he doesn’t let them fuck you raw lol but rather ask them to get their own condoms 💀💀

his friends r freaks too you realise but it’s time to time where the three of them will organise dates to have some fun with you, but only when youre comfortable. geto putting ur comfort first always 🙏

so sometimes you reject them bc you have an exam comin up etc and geto just treats you in his car or your bedroom alone and even with just him, hes already enough to make you go crazy and moan <3

peep that op has that same exact spider tattoo on her thigh~ teehee

[parkhumans]

HI WELCOME TO PARKHUMANS

I'm KAZ (he/him) and i'm an artist cartoonist etc etc you know the drill.

ever since i was a kid i had a massive special interest in theme park history and for whatever reason that's been really present in my life as of late. so i created parkhumans, which as you could probably gather is a project where i humanize a ton of rides, attractions, hotels and the like out of a passion for them and their history. i tend to include a lot of anthro elements in my designs too, so the term 'human' is pretty nebulous. more elaboration on what these are will come later down here

ive actually had this project going for a while, i just havent posted much about it here because i just couldnt find the time to. woopssss

some other things i feel are important to know

i dont just exclusively humanize disney parks/attractions. my theme park special interest is very general and encompasses multiple parks not just those

i hate disney as a company and i am sure to make that explicitly clear. when i praise their theme parks, none of that praise is directed towards disney as an enterprise, it's towards the people who are behind the engineering and art of the resorts. again it bears repeating that i am very vocal about the fact that i Do Not support disney as a company. im extremely critical of them. im just a big proponent of preserving the hard work that goes into these resorts and i think that work deserves to be highlighted, and im glad i can convey the history behind these attractions with my art

do not conflate the parkhumans project with c0untryhumans or anything of the same vein. they are not remotely comparable. c0untryhumans is pretty inherently bigoted just as a concept. i don't like the prospect of being conflated with that as with the parkhumans project is something i create with as much tact in mind. i purposefully go out of my way to avoid depicting things that are offensive or in poor taste in this project.

tangentially related to that last point, there are certain attractions i refuse to make designs for. generally this includes rides that have had tragedies occur directly on them that are inseparable from their histories (such as america sings), rides that have origins in inherently bigoted sources (this is why i wont ever do splash mountain) or have bigoted things within them, and, this one is more of a case by case basis, but i tend to stray away from heavily ip-focused attractions. what i mean by this is that you won't see me making characters based off star wars or marvel rides. this is more out of a personal place, as i simply just dont enjoy doing it. i feel like certain companies have gotten too comfortable just relying on their ips and its something im very loud about being disappointed in. i prefer to focus my time on the attractions i like, not ones that are just popular. of course that last one has a ton of exemptions so you cant expect me to 100% uphold it, but just keep in mind that i dont really pay mind to the attractions i feel are kind of corporate and shoehorned in. if you want more elaboration on my stance on this, here's a twt thread i made regarding it

normally i dont take requests for designs unless i ask for them myself. again, i like to do my own thing most of the time

i dont consider this to be a big collaborative thing, but that doesnt mean i wont let people make their own spins on this idea. i have my own vision in mind for this thing but im totally open to the idea of people making their own fanchars and stuff!

& some other things

here is a big doc i made explaining what parkhumans are in case you're wondering about the specifics of how they operate

also heres the toyhouse page

that should be it 👍 ok cya

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 12/19/2022

shambling along towards the new year

listening

cotton heads by caravan palace. i think this has been on every spotify wrapped playlist ive ever had. soft and comforting in a way that’s hard for me to describe. this has been part of the background music in some of the softest times of my life, winter-warm and safe and solitary noodling around on some project that involves a lot of fiddling with tiny pieces on a desk. spotify

-

reading

houston thrift stores are, predictably, awash with cowboy western novels. mostly it’s every louis l’amour or zane grey possible (no thanks)

jake logan’s SLOCUM AND THE YELLOWBACK TRAIL is number three hundred and seventy nine in the series, which is quite impressive. i am fascinated when a book attempts to transplant a cowboy into an urban environment so we’ll stick with it for a bit, despite a truly horrible sex scene describing a “rigid pole”. there were no onomatopoeia sex sounds which is both blessing and curse bc the intel SLOCUM gathered during this sex scene seemed like a completely different conversation totally unrelated to the sex he was having. she simply happened to come three times in three pages while telling him everything he needed for Next Location.

-

watching

saw several very beautiful movies in the last two weeks, one of which i liked very much.

Experiment in Terror (1962, dir. Edwards) has one of my favorite Mancini-composed pieces of music but i had never seen the movie it was from. a neo-noir man with an asthmatic rasp puts pressure on a bank teller and her teen sister to rob the bank by terrorizing them through various means. however, despite successfully playing on a lot of Womanly Fears (unexpected phone calls, driving at night, being alone) the fbi. this is perhaps a bit snide since it is extremely good at keeping the tension up through most of the runtime, the leads all did a good job imo— a letterboxed reviewer pointed out the villain played by Ross Martin has a certain chameleon-like quality from scene to scene and it is really arresting, he pops up in some unexpected places to great effect. a well-shot movie, just a hair longer than i wanted it to be, i don’t think any movie could survive the hype i built up in my head after loving than mancini piece so much, and was not quite the vibe i was looking for on the afternoon i finished it.

in a different noir with an important scene during a baseball game, Stray Dog (1949, dir. Kurosawa). everything you could possibly say about this movie has already been said. mifune is such a fucking joy to watch as a somewhat hapless young cop with a bad case of the scruples. gets his fully loaded pistol pickpocketed on the tram, sending him hither and yon during a brutally hot summer tracking down every bullet. widely available for free. fucking beautiful work of art. deeply annoying when widely acclaimed movies are actually really good

-

playing

nothing new to report, nothing i want to play has been a free epic game lately. very excited that a character ive been waiting for is dropping in genshin on…uhhhhh…tomorrow? she has sunglasses. she has a gunbrella. she can call in heavy cannon bombardment. she’s just so cute

-

making

one of the purposes of the tuesdaypost is to remind myself to expand the selection of things i do and my brain partially feels like sludge bc of the time of year and partially bc i haven’t fucking done anything more complicated than scrambled eggs or cleaning things in like two weeks

[dreamii-yume]

Hello! ♥︎

I am BACK with another underrated Japanese Yandere Audio Drama ASMR recommendation for y’all~! Because this is all I’ve been doing in my spare time, I have no goddamn excuses on why I haven’t been posting much 🤡 This, my friends, is the reason why I’m so damn inactive these days lol BUT HEY—Please don’t go 🥺 This one is a real fucking gem, Darlings—I don’t understand why it has so little views on Youtube because it has everything I wanted in my hornii. There’s the plot, the smut (It’s not very explicit as to a full-on fucking, because Youtube—Just a few lewd lip sounds, that’s all 🫣 But that’s all I needed to get the neurons working) and there’s kinda some angst in there(?)

Anyway, it’s an hour-long! 🧎‍♀️ I was so happy after I was done listening to it and kinda speechless ngl ☠️ I dug hard for this gem and I’m not about to gatekeep anyone from finding it and sharing the experience (dont ask how i stumbled upon this one though, you dont wanna know how much ive been scrolling on youtube to find this, my friends 🧎‍♀️)

It’s a Yandere Audio Drama that is simply titled “Nya-chan” 🫣 Ominously adorable title, but it’ll make sense as you listened to it. As always, it doesn’t have an english translation as of now which is extremely unfortunate because I think a lot of people would’ve appreciated this more if it does—BUT THAT’S WHY IM HERE EVERYONE 👀👋

So, if you don’t mind—Allow me to spoil you all with what happened with a “brief” summary of it all ♥︎ (EDIT : THIS IS A LIE IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR TWO HOURS) BUT I STILL WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS ART PERSONALLY, the voice actor really did a great job with it 😭 check them out, seriously.

Warning : Implied Non-Con | Implied Dub-Con | Implied Stockholm Syndrome | NTR

Kinda got way too into “translating”/“explaining” this one scene by scene so—It’s very chaotic, so that might get annoying so just a heads up lol

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

The story starts off with You (The listener UwU) meeting your fiance’s little brother for the first time and because you want to be a good future Sister-in-Law, you wanted to spend time and bond with him by partaking in his hobbies. He’s an engineer of some kind, and it seems like he’s a talented cook as well because when he found out that you’re hungry, he made you some pasta 🧎‍♀️You praised him, but he says you’re overreacting cause it’s just pasta lol he’s clearly embarrassed—He sounded like wanted to say something else (Probably wanting to cook more for you if you want ✨👀👉👈) but his brother comes in and interrupted him.

Under his breath, he says “Why does he have to be here of all times” which makes me think that this may not be the first time he knew of us…Or he just—y’know got attached that quick. (It really wasn’t specified 😭 or I might’ve just missed it somewhere 🤡) But ANYWAY, THE NEXT DAY—

You both met again, and he’s surprised that see you and where you work at because it’s close to his (?) You pointed out his office clothes, and he thought you were making fun of him, but was pleasantly surprised to hear you say that he looks good in it and he thanks you for it. Flustered, he changes the subject and ask where your fiance may be because he couldn’t get hold of him lately—It seems like he’s working overtime and he feels kinda bad that you’re going to eat dinner alone, so he sighs and invites you over to his place so he can make you something. He’s a real tsundere at this point of the audio drama, which was very cute lol But he seems like he has a soft-spot for you, because once he saw how you really look like you want to try his cooking again, he caved in quick lmao

At his home, he sarcastically praises your appetite and was impressed by the fact that you’re able to act so close woth him, despite only meeting for the few times lmao we have no shame. Your only reason was because you see him as you’re own younger brother too, and he only hums and scolds you more lol Even though he sounds like he’s all annoyed with you, he still encourages you to still eat more and stop complaining ☠️ He says he can guarantee the taste but plating is not his strongest forte lol

Then, he suddenly asks if you’re gonna contact your fiance anytime soon about this and it seems like you didn’t plan to do that—In which he scolds you again and say that you should, because he (your fiance) might think it’s weird. Again, you told him it’s fine because you’re only hanging out with him like how a big sister would with her younger brother…Here, we can hear that hint of disappointment in his voice as he whispers to himself, “…So you don’t see me as a man then.”

Of course, you didn’t quite hear what he says and asks if he can repeat that, but he says it’s nothing and went back to pressure you to continue eating because the food is getting cold.

After a while, you finally finished eating and he praises you for it…Also teasing you for looking so happy about it too along the way. He scolds you about learning how to cook for yourself sometimes, because you sound like you know what good food tastes like lol You told him that—Yeah, maybe from now on, in which he commented that you sound like someone prolonging their diet for tomorrow ☠️ and that’s the kind of person who usually don’t succeed on what they planned ☠️ someone calm this man down jesus christ, i did not to be called out like that ☠️ You asked him if he could teach you instead, but he refuses because he said he was self-taught and can’t teach for shit, so he tells you to learn it by yourself. Damn bro.

Then, this is where he shifts the conversation towards you instead—He asks where you and his brother met, in which you replied with the Cat Café he often visits and Yandere-kun doesn’t seem surprised lol His brother often invites him there, but he always refuses because he’s not good with crowds—Though he likes cats…AGAIN WITH THE WHISPERING he says “…If only I went with him at that time.” “Maybe I could’ve met you earlier than him.” BOI 👏

You asked him what he’s whispering about, and he denies saying anything like he always does and asked you to continue your love story with his brother. It seems like you met his brother when he was at his clumsiest, accidentally scaring a cat, and the cat made a mess, so you got angry with him. Because of that, you both met a second time for him to help you clean up, and things escalated from there—

Idk, Yandere-kun keeps saying wow that sounds like something out a manga—All sounds like he’s impressed and shit but I have a feeling that he’s so annoyed somehow lmao He sounds dead inside ☠️ He says something about it all probably being a “miracle of love” lmao He sounds so insulting about it 🧎‍♀️

He asks why you fell in love with his brother, like what’s so good about him? And you answered “The way he seems so silly, but is actually very reliable” or something—and somehow, he knew and understood that it had to be that reason too because he, too, knew what his brother’s strongest point is…Though, he didn’t know that girls likes those kinds of men too. He proceeds to slander you for having simple tastes ☠️ lmao

The conversation then starts to shift towards himself as he slowly begins to reveal how he feels inferior compared to him—Since his brother seems to have everything, while he’s just there on the shadows. You took notice of this and assured him that, at the very least, he’s still very kind. He’s flustered, embarrassed, scratches his head as he appreciates you for saying that.

…But HOO BOI THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING—You then asked something about him, wondering if he, too, has someone he likes romantically. He was surprised to hear that actually, hesitates, but turns serious and says, “Yes…Yes, I do have one.”

“She’s very bright, kind, and a handful. She’s older than me, but so unreliable that I just can’t leave her alone.” He sounds incredibly embarrassed. “She eats the food I make with a big smile on her face…and it makes me really happy.”

But he suddenly sounds solemn. “…But that person is getting married next month, and I’m still in shock.” He laughs a little, but he sounds so sad 🥺 “I kept thinking, why is it not me? Maybe if I have met her earlier, maybe that could’ve been me by her side.”

“Why do I have to meet her when it’s all too late…? It’s really unfair.” 🥲

“But you know what’s worse?” He starts getting a little weird like he just fucking gave up on trying to hide his feelings lmao “The one that, that person is getting married to…is actually my own older brother. So, I don’t know what to do about that.”

OF COURSE, THAT SOUNDS SUS AF so, as an act of defending yourself against the awkwardness, you stood up from your seat and about to fuck off to oblivion, when he stops you like “Wait, hold up—Please, don’t leave 🥺” He admits that he was frustrated on the fact that people view you and your fiance as this sort of “fated couple”, and it makes him sick. It feels like his brother got something he wanted and once again, he lost. Yandere-kun admits that he doesn’t have that many friends, nor does he have a girlfriend himself, so it’s always his brother who gets all the attention. The expectation that was supposed to be his was given to his brother himself, so he hated how it’s happening again with you this time…and it feels like the universe is forcing him to give up on everything for his brother.

“…But why do you have to be so nice to me?“ It turns out he was actually trying to give up on pursuing you too, but it hurts because he doesn’t want to—Since you’re so nice to him, you spend time with him, and had praised him more than anyone has…But you only see him as a younger brother and not as a man. He felt like you asking if he has anyone he likes was the final straw, and he couldn’t help but laugh. He comments how insensitive you are 😭 Like having no self-awareness and all that shit man

But he knew that you were only trying to bond with him only because you want to have a good, healthy relationship with your soon-to-be Brother-in-Law…But that’s when he finally snaps and how that’s never gonna happen, “From the very first time we met, I’ve only seen you as a woman more than anyone else.” So, he will never see you as just Sister-in-Law, he loves you too much.

He was surprised himself to know how weak he actually is, because just thinking of you was this fucking painful and he’s pissed that he can’t even help himself…and embraces you, finally being able to touch you freely, and commenting on how nice you smell like.

“Hey…How do you think I can be freed from this pain?“ “How do you think am I supposed to give up on you?” Because he doesn’t want to give up on you, he wants you to fall in love with him as well and asks if that’s really such a bad thing.

Perhaps a little freaked out, you began to call your fiance’s name instinctively but he scolds you, “Please…don’t call anyone’s name but mine right now.” AND FUCKING SOFT KISSES YOU. He demands you to say his name, and when you hesitantly did—He’s on cloud-nine, asks you to repeat it again and again, and again as he KISSES YOU EVERYTIME.

“I can’t…I can’t take it anymore, come here.”

You obviously resists as he takes you somewhere, and he 😭 kinda politely asks you to stop struggling because he doesn’t want to be rough with you lmao He wants you to listen to him as he continues to force you to make-out with him (with slightly aggressive moaning, mind you ☠️) and keeps on obsessively (desperately) telling you that he loves you as if that shit was going to change anything lol but well—who knows 👀 foreshadowing, am i right Also he tells you that you shouldn’t hold your voice because he wants to ｈｅａｒyou loud and clear, so just keep on paying attention to him and he’ll make you feel good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

THEN THE AUDIO FADES BECAUSE YOUTUBE 🫠 But it’s assumed that whether it’s forcefully (which is VERY MUCH likely lol) or not, he manages to get his way with you through the night 🧎‍♀️Mfcker even has the audacity to ask for permission, but I don’t think he would’ve cared if you had said no lmao ☠️

The next day (?) comes, or maybe it’s still night idk it’s not really specified BUT AFTER SEGGSY SESSION, he asks if it hurt (BITCH)—He proceeded to apologize, like seriously apologized🧎‍♀️Even he didn’t know why he resorted to forcefully taking you, despite knowing that it’s wrong. But whenever he thinks about how you’re going to be his brother’s wife soon, all he sees is red…He keeps apologizing and says he really doesn’t mean it and understands if you won’t be able to forgive him anytime soon.

…Perhaps you were guilty about the fact that you unknowingly lead his feelings on by being close to him too, you apogized in which he denies immediately—Saying you didn’t do anything wrong, and that everything is on him.

To compensate, you suggested to just simply forget everything that happened until now—But Yandere-kun doesn’t quite agree with that solution. “…Am I supposed to just forget about something that made me so happy?” He says he can’t do that, but realizes that he was being selfish again and apologized as he begrudingly agreed to do just that. “I guess it’s better than you reporting me to the police.” He said, it’s the least that he can do.

“I’ll…I’ll forget about what happened…Definitely. But just for this moment, will you stay with me?” You somehow agreed, and he hugs you tight—Whispering yet another apology.

Some time later after what happened, I guess…Oh, and it’s getting closer to your wedding day PFFT He calls you through the phone, and he was surprised that you answered—He’s sorry for calling you, but he says his brother is at his place and has something he needed your help with, so he asks if you want to eat lunch with them…But he understands if you don’t want to, since it’ll be awkward with him there after what happened. But you agreed anyway, “Are you sure?” He asks, but says he’ll be waiting for you then eventually.

He welcomes you to his home, and it’s not really explained here—But you were surprised to see him, maybe because he looks horribly depressed 😭 He tells you to just go inside and sit your ass down lol You ask where your brother is and he says he went to the convenience store to buy something and he’ll be back soon (doubt) and AGAIN he apologizes for what happened between the two of you, which makes me think that he’s really reflecting on his actions and I’m just being a little bitch about it ☠️ He said he’s gotten better at controlling his feelings now, and swears to you that it won’t happen again (DOUBT)

You assured him, and he finally sounds happy omg He admits that he was sad the past few days because he thought you won’t be able to talk to him again—But seeing you right now, talking to him, and reassuring him made him so glad that he’s wrong 🥹 He’s very grateful and you jokingly tell him he sounds strange compared to before.

He kinda agrees with that and admits that he loved you too much before, and every time he remembers the things he says and did, it made him incredibly embarrassed lol Though he feels better now, since he doesn’t usually have this kind of gloomy personality, so he’s fine now 🙃

…He then suggests to play a game, while waiting for his brother to come back 🙃 A very simple, easy game 🙃 Just close your eyes, hold out both your arms, listen to what he’s saying, and focus which hand is holding yours—Left or right 🙃 Ｓｉｍｐｌｅ，　ｒｉｇｈｔ？ 🙃

If you win, he’ll congratulate you on your wedding—Buy you whatever present you want…”What if you win?” You asked🧎‍♀️And this mfcker just went “What? Don’t tell me you’re worried that I’m gonna make you do something weird or something?” He laughs and strictly told you to just close your eyes alreadg lol He keeps praising you like you’re a kid and assures you that he’s moved on 🙃 So you don’t have to worry anymore 🙃 That from now on, he’s going to be your little brother like you always wanted 🙃 and it’s not like he’ll be able to do anything weird when his brother can come home anytime lol

The amount of (doubt) I had was immaculate when listening to this for the first time, darlings—Can you tell ☠️ He says if he won…He’ll let you cook dinner next time, cause he’s sick of always being in-charge of the cooking and wants to try your cooking this time.

So, then the game begins…Or not lol He’s still preparing, and the first thing he does? Obviously—Gets as close as he possibly can towards your right ear because it’s “necessary” lmao This man ain’t slick ☠️ Obviously, you’re a bit uncomfortable with that, but he says that if you give up now before anything has even started, you won’t get a wedding present from him lol “Don’t worry, it only tickles at the start. You’ll get used to it soon.” AND THEN THE GAME ACTUALLY BEGINS LMAO ARE YOU READY???

Close your eyes, repeats the rules about your hands and he—He begins to fucking BLOW on your ears ☠️ This was fucking tingly af ngl, not something to listen to whilst the dead of the night because it’s actually relaxing af jesus christ…ANYWAY, HE’S SEDUCING YOU BTW.

He bites, sucks, and licks on your ear, encouraging your body temperature to go up and proceeds to ｇａｓｌｉｇｈｔ you into thinking that there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong nor suggestive with what he’s doing, nu-uh 🫠🫠 It’s all part of the challenge of the game, he says and your ears are just sensitive lmao He commentates on what he’s doing too omg “My tongue is going deep inside your ear.” EAR PORN HITS DIFFERENT NOW, DOESNT IT ☠️

This sussy moment continues on for the next few minutes—But like, as it’s happening, you can hear some really…ominous sounds of something shuffling in the background like someone rummaging for something and like ??? Obviously you’re curious and FINALLY—He asks which hand is holding yours right now…You answered correctly, and he proudly tells you to open your eyes for a job well-done and BOOM.

You’ve been handcuffed 🤡

He cut off every sensory you could possibly have at that moment just to distract you from noticing what he was doing. “I tricked you? No, that was all part of the game.” You probably started raising your voice, but he shushes you—Telling you to shut up, because he’s going to make you feel good again ☠️ GETS ME EVERY TIME GODDAMN IT LMAO Ladies, remember that all men do is lie 😔 (sigh)

He sounds WAY different than who he was before, which makes me think that he was only acting weak, because he sounds assertive now as he drills lewd words right into your head. “Who’s in front of you right now? Say my name.” But you call for help, called your fiance’s name instead. He shushes you gently and corrects your mistake…but asks you again, “Who’s touching you right now? It’s me, isn’t it?”

Maybe you didn’t answer, to scared to say anything—So, he reassures you by instilling you with his own twisted logic : “Don’t worry too much about my brother.” He says, like the devil on your shoulder. “You haven’t been officially married yet, so it’s fine. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“You, me, or my brother. We’re not doing anything wrong.” He says, he sounds like he has a smile on his face as he continues to brainwash you into doing the wrong thing. “…So, say my name. Look at me and only me, because you’re the only one I can see.”

“Fall in love with me.”

“It’s fine. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Nothing at all.”

He kisses you a few more times, to give further validity with what he’s saying and at this point, I think you’re slowly giving up—Because there’s really nothing else you can do but accept it. He convinces you that his kisses feels good, and that you loved being kissed with tongue—and with your feeble, slowly-getting-fucked-out mind, you begin to agree with everything he says. So, he promises you that he can make you feel even better.

“I’ll always be with you.” He says, which had you confused—So, he states the obvious, “Because I’m going to be with you forever.”

“Aren’t you happy that there’s someone in this world who loves you as much as I do?”

He suggest for the two of you to “Do it” again—Your losing your focus, so he had successfully convinced you into saying that you want to do it too…He tells you that he’s happy that you’re thinking that way ♥︎

🫣🫣🫣

WE’RE ALMOST TO THE END GUYS PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, THIS IS AN HOUR-LONG AUDIO DRAMA BUT ITS SO GOOD.

After sexy time, the term “Nya-chan” has finally been addressed for the first time and it seems like while y’all we’re fucking, he was calling you that all this time. He wonders why he was calling you that too—But he guessed that it’s because he had always seen you as a little selfish-bratty cat whenever you’re eating the food he makes, so he just ended up calling you “Nya” as a nickname…Nya as in the Meow in Cat

He likes it, it feels special because he’s the only one who can call you that—He repeats it over and over again and asks if he can call you that from now on. You agreed, so I guess that’s your name from now on, Darling ♥︎👋 Nya-chan 😺 He feels so happy calling you that, it’s so special to him that he begins to cry—He loves Nya too much🧎‍♀️

(My typing hand is dying)

The next day—Someone is calling him and tells you to stay put. It’s his workplace, it seems like they need him for something despite the fact that it’s his day-off lmao somethings never change huh 😭 He’ll still go, but then he notices that you’re now standing in front of the entrance door, and he asks you if you’re going somwhere…But you don’t you say anything, so he figured that you might’ve been too afraid to stay here all by yourself…He steps closer to you, apologized for not noticing your worries earlier—But like, “I was so happy when you told me that you’ll stay with me forever, so I just trusted that you won’t leave.”

“Sorry, have you come to hate me now?” He starts to get a little unhinged, like you triggered something in him, which quite frankly means—That he’s becoming scary again ☠️ “…Hey, did I do something wrong?”

“You’re not…trying to run away, are you?” He steps REALLY close, those footsteps sounds heavy and the little laugh on his voice—Like you just said something really ridiculous and shows that he’s a little pissed 🧎‍♀️Dear God… “Let’s have a little talk, shall we?“

And he slams you to the fucking wall.

“…That’s not it, right? You’re not trying to run away, right? You understand that, right?” He bombards you with questions that I don’t even think you’re answering because he’s already convincing himself that you won’t run away, because you love him, yknow? Why would you even think of something like that lol—Like the little delusional man he is ☠️ He says he’s sorry for being suspicious, he’s just worried for his little Nya and that’s on him. You never know what’s out there.

“I’m so, so goddamn worried that I might lose it once I imagine what will happen to you if you leave this room, Nya.” He’s sounding more and more deranged. “Hey, you’ll understand that, won’t you? WONT YOU?”

He kisses you once again to prove how much he loves and cares about you, but goddamn he’s as yandere as one can get because even I’m scared of how twisted this man’s bipolar-ass kind of love ☠️ He continues to tell you all the things he’s scared of happening when you get out, like when another weird man comes in to sweep you off by the feet and he doesn’t want that 😭 It’s like this man just completely erased the fact that you and his brother are engaged and would actually be getting married in a few days lol Guess that ain’t happening anytime soon now ☠️

“Nya wouldn’t want that to happen to you too, right?“ He baby-talks you, plays with your mind and using this kind of manipulative-guilt-tripping shit going on. He even goes threatning her by saying how even he won’t be able to touch her again if you’ve become tainted by others—And in turn, no one will. So, he scares you into understanding his forceful and terrifying logic…And he’s satisfied with what you become.

He apologizes for being rough before, for almost giving you a goddamn concussion lmao Because damn he’s well-aware that he’s losing his mind, and the fact that you’re the only saving grace he has, he will do his damn best to keep you by his side—Whatever means necessary.

Another time-skip has passed—The next day came and he whispers good morning to you as you’re still chained down on the bed. He apologizes for it being tight (your wrists are probably fucked ngl) so, he’ll loosen them up a little but make sure you don’t run away, okay 👁👁 He’ll be looking at you through the camera (!?) so don’t do anything sus, okay 🧎‍♀️ sorry i love this voice drama so much

Then, someone rang the doorbell—So, Yandere-kun very gently (INTIMIDATINGLY) tells you to not be too loud as he went to go see who it is…Has a few conversation about that person, acting like he’s a normal human-being there for a second and soon—He comes back to you and you asked who it was. He said it was no one important, just the landlord…looking for a lost cat.

“…I sure hope they find it soon.”

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

(SOBBING)

“BRIEF SUMMARY” MY ASS—Sorry, I had too much fun translating and commentating on this lmao ☠️☠️ ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. I’m sure there were a few error in this, but like—I wish I have the general knowledge down at least so that you could understand what happened 🤡 Apologies for that lol

Please listen to the actual audio drama, it’s free on youtube—I swear it’s a different experience with voice on. It changed my life fr だいきりASMR is a hidden diamond in the rough, why is no one talking about them 😩 I’m gonna go listen to more of their content, and I’ll share some with you all if I find something more interesting to translate and commentate on lol 👀 chaotically, if y’all are into that haha

Also, I love how someone can portrait a yandere like this—A yandere that doesn’t rely too much on violence and I love the fact that he’s not just the typical sadistic type of Yandere, yknow? 😭 Like he’s just some poor pathetic bastard who fell in love with the wrong person, at the wrong time—So, you can’t help but kinda feel bad for him ☠️ PEOPLE TAKE NOTES.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: fraseris

today's interviewee is fraseris/dukeborninfebruary, who ran the quack-ity "kinnie" blog, started the hermitblr "geckohc" tag, and has been in MCYTblr from the beginning! below are the questions and answers.

Q. What was your overall experience in early MCYTblr?

A. i had a great time honestly. it was such a hyperactive fandom because there were new hours of content daily, and like a lot of others i was doing pandemic school which meant basically doing nothing all day. this feels strange to say now that the world is pretending to be back to normal, but this whole online world was basically my life for an entire school year. and i think we were using the content and fanspace to ignore reality as hard as possible, because shit sucked severely. so everybody was very deeply invested and dedicated in a way that you just can't have anymore. and at least before the exile arc, when the fandom really blew up (esp i think on stan twitter) it was a relatively small fandom. when things got on trending we celebrated. so it was a really well connected space and we had a lot of fun with our mutual obsessions. ive never been in a fandom like that before and i probably never will be again

Q. If my memory serves, you ran the "kinnie" imposter blog quack-ity. What was that experience like?

A. well, i was not good at impersonating quackity at all. which made it harder to actually scare people and funnier when I actually did freak out a few. a friend who i met in sleepyheads told me that things had been too quiet since tubblr and velvetiscake so i just kinda did it. i stayed up until like 4 am two nights in a row before i gave up. it was really fun watching sleepyheads try to figure it out. someone in there did decide it was me and eventually i had to admit that they were right. i could've been more strategic but i didnt care all that much and i did break a record for hours without revealing myself!! but then zonebur broke that. ive always credited myself with reviving the art of kinnie blogs after like a month of silence, because after quack-ity there was zonebur and the niki blog and many others. i tried a ranboo imposter blog but nobody cared because this was a few weeks before he joined the dream smp. i also had another quackity imposter blog but by then it was too late and people were bored with us

Q. As I remember, you were the first blog to receive the "gay kroger anon" copypasta. What do you remember about that phenomena?

A. well, i was not good at impersonating quackity at all. which made it harder to actually scare people and funnier when I actually did freak out a few. a friend who i met in sleepyheads told me that things had been too quiet since tubblr and velvetiscake so i just kinda did it. i stayed up until like 4 am two nights in a row before i gave up. it was really fun watching sleepyheads try to figure it out. someone in there did decide it was me and eventually i had to admit that they were right. i could've been more strategic but i didnt care all that much and i did break a record for hours without revealing myself!! but then zonebur broke that. ive always credited myself with reviving the art of kinnie blogs after like a month of silence, because after quack-ity there was zonebur and the niki blog and many others. i tried a ranboo imposter blog but nobody cared because this was a few weeks before he joined the dream smp. i also had another quackity imposter blog but by then it was too late and people were bored with us

Q. What are some common criticisms of creators that you remember from 2020-2021?

A. i remember when i first joined the tumblr fandom (august 2020) there was a lot of controversy surrounding dream. this was before all his infamous no-pr-team social media outbursts, and the speedrun cheating allegations, and him legitimately grooming kids. honestly I didn't understand what he had actually done back then and i dont really know now. my best guess is that it was the dream team crit people's theories leaking out. it was always just a general "dream is racist" with no real evidence, at least that i saw. because of that the dream smp and fandom was disliked even before the growth in dec 2020, when people really started hating it. looking back i think a lot of that criticism and those rumors were true but at the time I didn't care and definitely felt uncomfortable criticizing friends of My Streamers theres also the sleepy bois callout. that seriously rocked the boat because this was basically the height of their viewcounts (jan ? 2021?) like tommy was getting over 100k viewers every stream and wilbur was getting almost as many. the eventual consensus from sleepyblr as i saw it was that this was all too old to be legitimate grounds for "cancelling." then there were some apologies, i think, and people were pissed at techno for never even acknowledging any of it. but I don't think it really effected their following. the people who liked them and wanted to watch them kept watching them. and in the end that callout didn't even scratch the surface of what wilbur had done. i will say that the main crit of tommy was that he was being negatively influenced by the adults around him and he "needs to be saved from them" or something like that. which unfortunately rings true in the wake of his statement and lack thereof about wilburs' serial abuse of younger people. its depressing to look back on because of that and also because of techno's death. at the time it really showed how people (myself included) attached their own worth to streamers' presence and the parasocial relationship between them. the amount of guilt and panic i saw was crazy

ALSO! when callmecarson was publicly outed as a groomer in jan 2021. that didn't make nearly as much controversy in the dream smp fandom as the other callouts, but at least in the spaces i was a part of like gay castle and associates there were a lot of people who had been smplive fans in the years before. at least two other creators from smplive had similarly been outed before, so it wasn't the first time, but caron definitely caused the remaining fandom to deteriorate. it also put lunch club's life and death in such a negative light and ruined it for a lot of people, because we had never understood the full story before

there was also the drama surrounding jawsh and noah hugbox. there was always negativity about stans (meaning the twitter fanbase) in the smplive world and jawsh started controversy by tweeting negatively about them and about dream. hugbox and him both brought in a sort of redditor anti-sjw vibe to the debate and mostly argued with dream on twitter because dream was always a huge supporter of stan culture and one of those people who told their chat "i love you" all the time, so they really disliked him. of course he acted just as ridiculous as them. this whole thing is where the original "dont stop the party" video came from. a lot of people on tumblr found the whole thing silly but there were also some people as offended and opinionated as most of twitter, who straight up cancelled josh and noah. one of my dearest mcytblr memories is my friends and i staying up late and laughing at noah hugbox's joker act together

the most general criticism of all of these streamers was that they promoted unhealthy parasocial relationships. that mindset was mostly in the crit spaces before the fandom really grew in december, but it became a big deal in the philosophy of the fandom. I'd been complaining about parasocial relationships for a while, but more on the side of viewers than streamers, and i was pissed off when the larger fandom turned it into a nothing-word. i also remember people disliking tubbos politics because he was basically centrist & confused with a touch of young tory ignorance. but myself and my friends and the people i followed were overwhelming uncritical of everyone

Q. As I remember it, you were also a fan of smplive. How do you think the two fandoms interacted/influenced each other?

A. (apologies to people who were actually active participants in smpblr if this isnt comprehensive.) smpblr was very anti-stan, anti-rpf, and so it was really at odds with smptwt where the exact opposite was true. the smp-boundaries account is a consequence of this. people would follow those posts like law and if you broke a boundary and didnt apologize well enough you would be ostracized. maybe this discourse wasnt so central to the fandom during the height of smplive, but by the time i was lurking in later 2019 it seemed to be the main topic of discussion. i think that this mindset really informed sections of the early dream smp fandom, but most people in 2020 stuck somewhere between the two extremes. the transition between the casual real life streaming on smplive and the character roleplay on the dream smp was definitely rough. i don't think there was ever a time when the true boundaries of what was and was not acceptable to discuss or create were set. generally you could treat the characters like characters and make art and write about them, but you could get in trouble with some people for depicting gore or anything sexual including sexual orientation or transness. and some spaces accepted rpf while others hated it with a burning passion. the fandom mellowed out over time and the characters were accepted fully as their own characters, but at least as i saw it took a while

Q. What do you remember about "smprompa"?

A. for a long time smprompa was a white whale. i led a short crusade trying to find it and had some genuinely great finds submitted by anons (i believe under the tag 'hunt for smprompa' or 'search for smprompa' or something on my blog.) but we didnt get anywhere close to the full text. it was a cultural artifact that i dont think many of us approved of, but we wanted it because of its significance to the smplive fandom and creators. when it was discovered by gay castle folks my mind was a little blown

[broodsys]

venting abt creative woes feel free to ignore <3

it has been really hard for me to post art, both drawing and writing. it's not just about engagement/lack thereof or abt concrit or about anything in particular. i just get so caught up in comparisons and breaking things down and wanting to be objectively "better" at it and idk if i'm even enjoying it anymore.

sometimes i think seriously about stopping? i'd still create but. just for me. idk.

and im having mixed feelings about fandom in general. idk. it's late at night and it's been dark for too many hours and ik that's putting me in A Mood(tm) but it's still been! hard! and i get sad and frustrated and self-conscious all the time

it just feels like im out here putting my ugly shit next to everyone's polished pretty pieces. and ik, ik, two cakes, i've been trying to internalize that, but it's hard right now. i cannot stop thinking about the pretty fics ive read and i cannot stop being so fucking envious of them and it feels gross! like i should just appreciate them? they're lovely, mine doesn't have to and shouldn't be a replica, etc etc, all these things i know intellectually, but... ugh.

and it's extra frustrating bc i know ppl like my stuff, esp my writing. they do! they've said it! ppl who have no cause to lie to me, strangers, etc. but i just can't feel it and im so... envy demon has a fucking hold of me lmao.

might be circling back to the going too fast/pushing myself too hard thing again. but i've just been dealing with the constant undercurrent of severe frustration with everything i attempt. i try to shake it off but idk, if it's this consistent...?

ugh. idk. i've been going back and forth on this for a while. do i push through? do i try to drop my standards? do i just keep all my stuff to myself? unknown.

like, no matter what im finishing my bigfic. for me. but idk. should i even bother posting it? it's not... it's not about engagement. it's about the fact that i feel like the whole thing is just kinda... an embarrassment? like i cannot stop looking at it thru the most critical, least compassionate version of a potential audience and it's fucking with me so bad. when im writing i enjoy it, i think it's cool, i think it's good. but then i post it and after a while im just so embarrassed. i still think it's good! but it's still also embarrassing! i've worked hard for years to learn to trust my audience, to not spoon-feed them every bit of information and then follow it up with a quick confirmation just to make sure they're getting it, but now i feel like i'm being drawn back into that.

i read it. i've reread it a few times, in fact, for pleasure and not for editing. i love it? but im also so embarrassed by it whenever im not like... actively reading it. it's just disheartening.

idk. it's my personal baggage more than anything ig.

anyway im genuinely not asking for my ego to be stroked here or w/e, just- this has been weighing kinda heavily on me for quite a while. it's very frustrating.

[a-very-tired-raven]

Okay, since ive been getting a lot of love for my ary lately, id like to give you guys some top ary blogs ive followed for years, that i feel they dont get enough love.

Keep in mind that these are not in order from best to least, just in numbered order to make things easy.

(Another thing! While i may have found the majority of these blogs from undertale content, i need you to understand that a lot of these either dont do undertale art as frequently as they used to, or not at all. So please dont go in expecting that these are all undertale blogs based on MY intrests. Thank you.)

1. @springbon-t-art /@thecoolerspringbon-t has WONDERFUL roundhouse like style, and her fanart and characters range from all over(cuphead and bendy and the ink machine are just two examples, she has so much more unrecognized works and animatics on youtube that i think deserves much more love)

2. @twitchydoodle i havent visted this wonderful blog in a while, but i have followed for a good time(lets just say for a few years lol) so i cant say for sure what art is posted there at this moment, HOWEVER, i CAN say that twitchy has a Breathtaking art style, and has some of the most interesting and fleshed out ocs!!! Definitely check em out!

3. @calcium-cat i know cals been gettin a little bit more attention over the last year or so, but i still think she deserves much more recognition for her art. She has wonderful and thought out fanfics, not to mention the funny and well drawn fanart she posts for them!

4. @glitchysquidd I dont pop in as often as i used to, but glitchy's blog is one ive looked up to for a while. Here you can find very well written fnaf fics and fanart, chill energ(not to mention hilarious shenanigans),and a very unique and distinct artstyle.(seriously broski ive used your art for reference so many time 😭🤚🏽-). I suggest you guys head down to the basement and enjoy the tour.

5. @meatygutsy oh gee where do i even start- this blog has some of the most unique and well thought out ocs i think ive seen in a very long time. The artstyle here and style of coloring and shading is like nothing else. All of the colors pop and go together just right, not to mention the well fleshed out backstorys of each character.

6.@glaucus22 while this blog certainly isnt as active as it used to be, this is yet another artist that ive used as reference for countless times. They have a very distinct artstyle, and put much thought into their characters and their lore. I highly recommend going through the art tags here and taking a peek, along with a reblog or two!!!

7. @ijustwannahavefunn another blog with VERY well thought out and styled ocs, and a to die for artstyle. I also recommend checkjng out their youtube channel, which has VERY smooth animations and animatics. Definitely a hidden gem.

8. @vrnicky is a very good friend of mine that is WAY WAY WAY too unrecognized. They dont get NEARLY enough love for the anount of love and hard work they out into their characters and art. Please show em some love for me!!!

9. @loupy-mongoose is a favorite pokemon ary blog of mine. While you might find mostly mewtwo and mew stuff, please know that this is because of this creators mewtwo comic. You may know what im takling about if you know about similar more popular blogs (@/xxtc-96xx @/mewtwoandme and more ) but what separates this blog from many others is their very very different story, and an artstyle that'll put you at ease. Not to mention unique and well thought out mew and mewtwo designs.

And lastly, for now at least ,10. @whiteartblood an art blog that i havent visted in a couple months. This creator has some of the best undertale art i swear. One of my favorite styles!! A very lovely and instantly recognizable artstyle(that again, i have used for reference...i dont even know how many times), and even better ocs.

Now i know there are so many more blogs that are deserving of recognition, but its late and i cant look up 50 usernames at the moment.

However, while you are not obligated to, I sincerely hope you go show these guys some love(and reblogs!!!!!!!) For me. These guys have been a very big influence on my art, artists ive looked up to for YEARS now, and luckly for me some of them even being friends of mine, which im so very thankful for.

Ill definitely be making another post like this, with more writing inclusion and even more deeply hidden gems that require some digging.

I apologize for any typos that are unfortunately guaranteed as thats kind've what im known for lmao <- has made a fool of herself countless times) and i cant help but feel nervous that these talented people will see them, but know ive done the best ive can.

Thank you, and have a great time everyone!

[first-mistake-forever-more]

ive noticed while yr output has slowed down a bit, more shamelessly "inspired" artists have cropped up on ig. im not someone who thinks styles just suddenly are made by one person, but its obvious tht this strain traces back to you. do you care about any of that or feel a pressure to 'claim' the style and not be left behind? or are you someone who just wants to do their best to focus on making what they want, and then leave others to eventually give credit if they want?

Ok finally replying to this one ive had this one on hold here for Like a yr bc my feelings on th matter change all th time but lately it's been a lot of acceptance a& Just like feeling good about it that anything i made was important enough to anyone to make something inspired on it be it blatantly or not im just happy to inspire people like that i still have silly feelings abt it sometimes bc i feel its so ridiculous that id make something so apparently inspiring and appealing for a specific pocket of people on the internet when i was just making art for myself but i guess thats always how it happens right and sometimes but not that often anymore i get angry feelings about it too. I think it's so stupid people way older than me, art students too, just curate what I make and process it into a repeatable format and get clout & sell merch off of this and get job opportunities and become more "popular" than me. I get angry. I get jealous. It's Ok. these feelings are valid and I don't try to repress them but deal w them

DMs w a friend Like oliver shout out @asphaltfchewinggum said :

I don't worry abt that falling off part anymore bc i don't feel i will ever be left behind because im always coming up w new stuff and novel ways of expressing my feelings and ppl still relate to it and get inspired by it a lot as long as i stay true iv only been going up as usual since then. I think i still have very unique things to say so I;ll just dedicate myself to saying them. I think every yr my art becomes more and more unique and apparently appealing but I can't ever say that second one for certain.it doesnt depend on me

☝️some shit from December i didnt finish bc im developing my new style now my new things to say & new truths. Exclusive Leak

an old Pinterest board somebody made inspired by me(didnt even send it to me, it was supposed to be this private curation thing ig) My output slowed down bc since 2021 my life has changed a lot and become a good bit more fulfilling by itsdelf without the need of art, I miss the energy ihad in 2020 of working all day everyday but at th same time this new ifestyle is very fun and iv felt more assured professionaly and emotionally so its all good. 2022 started college and this year im not going anymore ! i didnt Like it and realized it would stunt my growth so i stopped going. Last year I grew a lot las a person and took on new responsibilities and i think it was the beast year of my life .its moments &moments and i think 2023 im working very hard again hopefully bc i got a lot of shit in check.

me yesterday morning looking very ugly almost asleep w some food i went out & groggily bought for my girlfriend. I love her soooo much ... she gives me similar gratification making art gave me but she does it by just existing. Not having to prove anything. I'm happy. I think loving is a form of art. I'm not that good at it but i'm learning. Living is a form of art too. I guess what changed is my life stopped being all about myself

"im still here" and here i remain

[aceymazy]

Hello can you do a few HCs for Clara, Ife, You Yan, Drew, Falken or Gaius?

MORE DREW CONTENT??? yall drew fans THIRSTY 😭😭 anyways, going to do clara and drew, changing up a bit and doing 2 since i wanna improve my imagination ive been burned out lately. (ty especially for ur support, i see you like my works and keep requesting tysm!)sorry if i make any spelling errors!!

----------------

~~Clara n Drew (separate) HC's~~

-----------------------

-clara-

okay, first off, she has a reputation. A VERY HIGH ONE AT THAT. so she keeps everything lowkey, but in private she dosent mind the pda and love <3

claras favourite thing to do is cane dance, so she would ask if you would like to cane dance with her (if you cant cane dance or dont even know what that is (like me) then she'll teach you)

if you get hurt she will always be the first person to aid you, esper or not

but if you get hurt easily or very often she will try to prevent these times to happen, dont know how but she will

okay this is random but i see that whenever you stare at her breasts (like come on dont deny it you would, look at the official art on the wiki or official page😭) she just gives you a teasy smile and asks if you like the view, trying to catch you off guard

if you steal her hat, glasses and try to act like her in the mirror and she finds out, she will watch you (in secret) and when she tells you that she knows about you acting like her infront of the mirror she actually either compliments your acting OR give you positive criticism like what you need to work on, etc.

she likes peacocks, so she will take you to a peacock petting place (probs dont exist but shh) as a date, she finds peacocks as beautiful animals and always teases you by saying

"I always thought peacocks were beautiful, that was until i met you of course."

smooth woman right here

i easily think her love language is gift giving, so dont be suprised if you see chocolate, trinkets, pins, hats or small accsesories on your desk at home ;)

all in all shes a very caring and loving girlfriend <33

-Drew-

more drew headcanons yall are making me lose ideas for this man

i always say hes the perfect boyfriend material, but its true so ill say it again

my mans tall, hes 180cm so if youre shorter than him if you allow it, he'll put his head on your head

if you hold his hand or give him a kiss on the cheek as a good luck before a mission in public, he would freeze and blush, poor man cant handle your cuteness

you two would for sure bake/cook together

if you make him a mousse cake (his favourite) he wouls go nuts in a good way

blushing and admiring the hard work you put into it

if it tastes good or even bad he would still eat it, he dosent care at all you put your hard work into this just for him so he would, with pleasure, eat the cake no matter its taste or looks. its the thought that counts after all

if you become injured he would try to help you, he did serve a rich family so he of course knows some basic medic care. (dont know if thats the right term but lets stick to it okay...) if he knows he cant help, he'll put you into the unions medical cares arms and wait until you fully recovered to actually check up you himself

he does care really, but if youre not an esper thats in the union, you might barely see him

he does work for the union after all, he has missions to complete and peoples life could depend on it

so as i said maybe he wouldnt have time to be with you, but he does send you letters about his missions, well-being and some hi's and miss you's from the other union members

he did introduce his sweet partner to his friends after all

----------------

A/N: i had to reedit this after i posted this like 7 times because of my fast typing😭

im running out of drew headcanons, you guys are milking me out of them 😭, anyways sorry for being offline for a while, i was busy + didnt have any motivation/requests to do, i do have an old one im working on later!

Tysm for reading, likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[rubyfire777]

personal update 9.30.2023 🌷🌻🌼🐛🦋🍀

good things that happened this week:

i took lily out for her early birthday dinner, since she was going to be out of town. we shared a fancy grilled cheese and an order of scotch eggs at a fantasy themed bar ❤❤❤

we got to hang out really late together before her really early flight. we watched fallen angels which was a really beautiful movie, then g4m3rs which was not a beautiful movie but was still fun to watch with her. we snuggled a lot 🥺❤❤❤ i ended up falling asleep before she had to get ready to go but only for a couple hours, and i was able to wake up to (coherently) say goodbye and that i love her and give her a kiss :)

i prepped a big meal that was kind of a mess but ended up being really good and feeding me for several days without having to worry

movie night with quint! the movie we watched, oldboy, disappointed but i was glad to watch it with him all the same

i had a very efficient chores day on thursday where i got lots done and pretty much cleaned the whole house. i felt really accomplished without feeling like i pushed it too hard

i finished up a chunk of writing ive been putting off! and feel a little more in the writing mood as a result

bowling night was just me and darren this week so we went to that really good barbecue place again instead of getting pizza and bowled a couple games and played some air hockey :)

hung out with my dad for a few hours on saturday! i got to show him f-zero 99 and talk to him about cool modern indies and eat pizza with him and be reminded of how much he has and continues to learn and grow. i feel very grateful that we've come so far and very happy that hes becoming a happier person

i had time to listen to lots of new stuff this week!! and some of it was really really good

my wife just generally having fun on her trip :) <333

noticing ptsd progress this week :)

new art experiences:

albums:

surgery (machinery of the human heart, 2022)

hang-ups (phone call, 2016)

shrapnel flux: veiled terminal (purity filter, 2022)

digital princess (keisari / turbo, 2019)

club angels ep (jensen interceptor & dj fuckoff, 2022)

mocomoco (plissh, 2011)

welcome to aloe island (aloe island posse, 2014)

blood eagle (sabrepulse, 2015)

platonic planet (koto, 2015)

bye bye teens lullaby (koto, 2018)

magical metamorphosis (ghost data, 2017)

movies:

fallen angels (dir. wong kar-wai, 1995)

g4m3rs: a documentary (dir. kiyash monsef, 2002)

oldboy (dir. park chan-wook, 2003)

[kaleidosouls]

hi. (pulls out uke)

IM JOKING but i havent posted here in forever huh, are ppl still around? i guess ill comment on like, whats been going in in the time i havent posted

so a long time ago now i wanted to like, cut off from twitter, so i deleted the kaleidosouls twitter, and wanted to keep my art stuff just on insta mostly, trying to move since twitter is a sinking ship right. then my instagram got deleted for no reason (and so did my pinterest that was ful of refs and honestly that was more upseting than insta getting deletedand losing all my art following)

ive been mildly caught up in IRL/college stuff in the meantime,having da depression, and the exec dysfunction same as awlays like. not much has actually been happening but ive been going acutally all over the place trying to figure out what im gonna do with my internet social media stuff. im looking into internships (other field) and im like, i havent given up being an artist professionally exactly but i think im like fuck it. fuck this like, building my Internet career or whatever. like, im gona wokr on my art portfolio and try to find art job stuf thats not really about how popular my art is on twitter or smth. none of that shit rly matters anymoer. same w here, i probably wouldve delted this tumblr if it wasnt the main like, blog so all my other blogs dpened on this one right.

im not like, done posting art online but ive been changing how im going about it and i still havent found my like, place yet. i did remake instagram, a main one and one for creature/pokemon stuff. idk im figuring out my life but i guess the main point is that its all a mess, and its not a disaster like things are going bad or anythin just that ive been in this inertia of disorder for a long time. im getting old. really tired lately, barely draw that much

i still rly love and am holding onto my personal ideas/projects that i want to execute oveer time altho they cant be a priority rn becuase of stuff in life. i got a really bad attention span so ill probably like, work on smth a lot for a few ays and then pick it up again in a year or more. the SU stuff is one of those. i actually ammaking this post bc i got really fucking dickhead comments and i was thinking of going off but my social media paranoia PR brain is like weighting on how i cant do that bc itll make my brand look bad and immature, and its like exhausting to live like that yk. altho it Is wise to restrain myself from being mean dsgkj but i also think itd be funny to cuss ppl off so :( life is very hard as an adult!

anyway point is. thigns are a mess rn and they will continue to be for the time being. my accoutns got obliterated so if you wanna keep up with me maybe follow my instagram if you want, i keep forgetting tumblr exists so tahst why i post so little on here. i do like postingt here though, nad i like making little blogs. i like ppls tags on ym art and replies. even the pricky ones like, i get to engage my brain a litlte bit adn its like ppl are out there yk? seieng my stuff, rather than just like, a bunch of numbers of how many likes or reblogs smth has.

most of the stuff left on this blog is for SU reclaimed and i still rly like the idea and its good coping for me and i want to pick it up sometimes but idk what to do with it wrt how i wanna present the content. ive considerd many times making a separate tumblr for it and i am considering that Again but maybe i should just quit it and post it here and forget about that. and find a different way to present the totality of the contents of the AU and use this tumblr as a way to just post it like, a 'devblog' (i am not developing SHIT this is just conceptual design writing stuff)

if theres anyone still following thats like engaged/interested in SU reclaimed feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions,i guess i could make an instagram for it? but ehh... idt thats how i wanna like, execute it. welp. i guess if i do make smth ill post about it here,i guess the point is that maybe i can try to post on here moreoften, idk, like i want my instagrams to be more tidy and like, impersonal. i deleted twitter bc i dont want to engage that personalyl at ALL anymore as an artist w viewers. not to mention it sinking. but i guess tumblr Is the perfect place to keep that unprofessional, slightly casual blogging artist experience. maybe if i get to cuss ppl out :D but then i dont wanna get harassed later over it. hm.. sucks to exist online tbh

thank u if youve read this far. if youre a mutual (somehow) or a long time follower and wanna know how to better keep up w me since i know im disappearing a lot feel free to dm

[oceanflowerrs]

ok im going to do The thing where i talk about rwby now. im on mobile so i cant add a read more so im just gonna. tag it with rwby spoilers i guess just kidding i know eveyrhting now

ok, so. if this were any other point in time id be content with just being like "it's really cool! some things are a bit goofy or lame but it's a good time with a lot of genuinely really good moments" and that'd be that right. but from what ive gleaned from val and other rwby fans i know the whole penny debacle has been Very Controversial. it is quite possible i have come in at a bad time.

now i just want to say, i really, REALLY like what they did with penny in this volume. her arc was really good and it felt super satisfying and genuinely emotional to see this robot girl slowly become more than the sum of her parts and into the girl ruby and co had always seen her for. seriously everything up until the final episode i think was written SUPER well and this was a very good The Penny Season.

i really don't like her death, however. this may sound like a kneejerk reaction from someone who "doesn't like it when things get bad in a piece of media" or something similarly insulting to my ability to comprehend media/art and view it in a critical lens. but it's still what i think. on a base level, i think it's stupid to bring her back just to kill her again. on a somewhat deeper level, i think it's stupid to kill her after going through a whole arc where she learns to be more than a machine, where she finally gets to feel, truly feel, all of these things that she's had inside her all along. she'd escaped her boundaries, she had become a real girl. etc etc. pinnochio and whatnot. robbing her of all that just seems weird and i didn't like it.

but from like. the perspective of it being a written work with the themes it has, it STILL just seems off. rwby first and foremost is about defying expectations. not doing what it's been setting you up to believe will happen. i don't think this is a bad thing (even if near the end it kind of gets old with just how much of the plan isn't going as expected but that's a different nitpick i have). winter is supposed to be the winter maiden. it's her name. it's one of the most obvious things from the moment you learn about the maidens. like yeah no fucking doy. and even leading up to vol. 8 that's very clearly the plan. ironwood has it set up and everything so that winter is guaranteed to get the powers.

but the plan fails. the expectations are defied. winter is too late and the powers are given to penny instead. this scared, confused girl (in the moment i mean), who already has so much on her plate to deal with, just trying to save as many people as she can. now she's knee deep in the middle of yet another conflict. she's the winter maiden now, which means now cinder is going directly after her. it means now winter is even more under ironwood's thumb as punishment for her failure. it means there's even more of her now that she doesn't fully understand. and it's hard for her, but she does it. she uses her new powers to protect as many people as she can, and even with everything happening both in and outside of her, she never gives up. to the point that maybe, just maybe it was meant for her all along. and when she becomes human, the weight of being half a person is taken off of her shoulders. she no longer has any doubts, she has no reason to waver anymore, she's whole. and with her friends by her side, she's ready for her new destiny.

but no she died haha looks like winters the maiden now after all. lal.

i don't know it just feels... insulting? what was the point of pennys character arc if she's just going to die immediately after? what was the point of making her the winter maiden if it was just going to end up with winter anyway, like it was most obviously going to be? what was the point of giving her so much if you're just going to take it away again? like no, penny didn't get to live life as a human. penny didn't get to stop the people who have been hurting her friends. penny didn't get to step up and become the thing she was finally ready to become. she died. in a way that only happened because she was human. everything she was was cut off for shock value i fucking guess. sure.

couldn't they have had her fall with the rest of the cast? couldn't they have found some way to transfer her powers without killing her? couldn't they have done literally fucking anything else than just backpeddling an entire character arc because everyone in the main cast wasn't sad enough? because they didn't feel like any of the other dozen character deaths were impactful enough?

it's. i don't know. obviously everything's a big cliffhanger right now so i can't say "i don't think it impacted the plot it any way". maybe jaune has the mask on in the vol 9 teaser because killing her is gonna give him like a joker arc or some shit. i don't know. i don't know how to end this.