#ive been thinking of trying to make some traits lately...

[marchenvampire]

when i have time to sort through my cc so my game can actually open without crashing i might be active again

(+ renovate my blog a bit.....)

[arolesbianism]

It's so miserable making side characters for a story and getting attached because now not only are you obsessed with a guy that only exists in your head even if they existed out of your head they'd still be basically just in your head. Like no you guys have to trust me they're so deep and intricate no none of this stuff ever comes up you just have to believe me and like them as much as I do

[exocynraku]

how do you come up with such creative names and designs? once ive made over 200 ocs its hard to try and find names for new ones that dont seem repetitive or overlap too much with canon names ... love ur art sm you truly inspire me ! you are kinda the reason ive got all my little feral cat ocs !! thank u for sharing ur art and ideas !

wow!!! thank you!!! i'm so glad you have so many funny guys!!! for names, i try to create names that 1) sound funny (eggfluff, fishweed, firfur, spikypike, etc) 2) have a prefix and suffix that either rhyme or sound similar (... firfur, spikypike, calamusmoon, skinkslither, squirrelslug, tangerinetwig) or 3) use words that you wouldn't see in canon/are really unusual! (virevalley, coyotegame, sphagnumstar, boreweb, martenwink, doverstick, bellweather, stellarsspeckling, basiliskhaze, lindwormstar, etc!). truthfully it's just about coming up with weird words! i also love to reference warrior cats name generators (here's mine). i try to avoid words overused in canon, -stripe, -heart, -claw, -tail unless the prefix is something really cool. a rule i tend to abide by is if i have a really cool/really long prefix or suffix, the other half of the name needs to be really simple! (lambsearleaf, ponderinglight, shepherdbelly, tangerinetwig). however at the same time, i do break this rule, mostly if i'm using one of the three points i mentioned above (chimingchaffinch, steppingsquirrel, etc). try to think of really weird words! i like using words which end in -ing or -ed or even a plural s! (stellarSspeckling, martyrSomen). lately i've also enjoyed translating cat's names into other languages! (aimaorasi, korakifovia, heidelandkit, kasanagon'silo, langitlap-ok). for designs, a lot of it is just... designing nonstop for ~~~4 years.... you get good at it eventually.... well there are some pieces of advice i can give! 1) trying your goddamn hardest to avoid same face syndrome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! giving your characters different faces is a really good tactic to making them look cool, especially if you give them really unique features! (differently shaped nose leather, nose ridges, chins, head shape, ear shape, weird shaped eyes, funny eyebrows, etc). something else that i make note of is you should also try to avoid giving your characters the same Body and Anatomy! make some really wide & fat or thin with long noses and tails. short legs with a long body, a completely unnatural and un-cat-like build! even if it isn't "realistic", making your cats look weird will make their designs even better! 2) this is something i'm very specific about but: place markings with purpose! markings should wrap around the body where there are curves and such. i try to make marking sizes, placement, and style cohesive throughout the design, unless i have a specific reason to go against it. i don't place markings willy nilly, like some may think to do for pelts like tortoiseshells. unless you have a really detailed style, try to keep small teeny markings to a minimum. 3) have fun with weird body traits or accessories! recently i've been liking giving cats really weirdly shaped ears and giving them funny markings inside of their ear leather. fur can help with this. i love giving cats weird accessories and scars too! i think it helps my designs that i change my artstyle so often. difference in artstyle for me also means difference in how i draw pelt markings. i have a really big tutorial about how i think about designing here! i hope this helps? maybe?

[liminal-therianthropy]

hi!! ^_^ I see that you’re a wolf therian and I’m curious if u have any advice for those that are questioning if they are a wolf or a different wild canine? If u want to share, how did you discover it yourself? personally, I’ve always pretended to be a wolf as a child. I’ve always loved them. I’ve been identifying as a wolf therian for a while. but in a way it doesn’t feel completely right. I’m definitely a dog, but I wonder if I’m still another wild canid. The only other canids that could potentially fit are coyotes and maned wolves. but I keep feeling wolfy and imagining my body as such. I think it’s bc of how exposed and interested in wolves I’ve been lately. I’m unsure of how to shake it. bc I want to experiment with labeling myself as a different canid. when I think about it my traits are more similar to those two instead of wolves. I kinda don’t want to be a wolf. but I don’t have the same connection to them…. Yet. do you have any tips on figuring out which fit beyond research? how do I know what feels right? how do I know when my identity is genuine or if it just bc I want to be something?

Hello hello anon! Good question!!! This might be a tad rambly as im not the best at coming up with summaries or words. Sorry if this goes in circles or doesnt make sense! I'll try to go in a straight line as much as possible. Plus i will make spelling mistakes sorry for that in advance as well! How i found out about theriananthropy was literally i was scrolling on tiktok and found out about that it existed at all and was supportive. I knew about otherkin through my friend {who is dragon kin among other kins}, and i thought nothing of it. I had never looked inward to strongly with myself but i knew that being called human wasnt right in the slightest. Then it happened. My first shift. Well at least my first wolf shift. My first ever shift was that of a rat, but that is a story for another time. My first ever wolf shift is hard to remember due to some memory problems but i remember going straight to my friend about it, freaking out. I thought it was only a one time thing, the shifts. But they kept happening. I wasnt sure what it was and i wanted my friend to help me essentially. I am very close to him as ive know him from elementary school and we told each other EVERYTHING. He then {calmly} explained to me what i was experiencing. And we went on an internet scavenger hunt of sorts. Looking at definitions, comparing them to what i was experiencing, and coming to a hard conclusion. I remember feeling semi lost and in denial for about a week. But i remember having a wolf phantom shift. I knew it was wolf as thats how i mentally addressed myself at that time. I felt ears and a tail. I walked on my toes sometimes as that felt natural. At work. Which was very awkward. When i came to the conclusion i was a wolf, it was more of a gut feeling. I didnt want to be a wolf at the time! I wanted to be a hyena or something else i currently can not remember. But not a wolf!!! My friend told me to go with my gut. See what felt right. Look at images of that animal and compare to how i saw myself in that moment. And thats what i did. I did some research into red wolves specifically as thats what felt correct. And it hit me right across the face! I am a red wolf. It made sense, i pretended to be a werewolf for example as a child, i wore a {fake} tail to highschool as i felt like i had a tail. And i came to accept it. Thats just my wolf experience though, my other theriotypes and kin types each had a different experience but i dont think ya wanna be here all day for that lmao. My advice is to go with yer gut! While research does wonders, you know you better then prob more creatures. What /does/ feel correct? If you have shifts of any kind, what are they? How do you mentally address yerself species wise? When you look inward, what do you see staring back at you? I hope this answered yer question! I love rambling so thank you for asking this!! ^^ {I was wanting to wait till my poll had more answers but i really wanted to answer this ^^;}

[joelletwo]

two posts abt puriteens in a row -> finally successfully hunting down the [comment] i read at work and have been trying to find bc i think its one of the first times ive seen someone actually taking up my hobby horse of "what if teens are being outsizedly self righteous for actual followable reasons and not just bc theyre evil fash? 🤔" and i find it really valuable for putting my Pretty Rowdy Anti Early 20s Something experiences and lately retrospective thoughts into words

[censored 4 search]

I also think for proshippers specifically that these young people are (to steal a quote from [youtuber]) “shadowboxing” a world that sexualizes them… and losing. What I mean by this is that they’re making up easy bad guys to fight because they feel powerless to fight a world where teenage girls get countdown clocks for their 18th birthday and teenagers are debuting as sexualized kpop idols. A world where, if they criticize these issues in public spaces, they get shouted down by the adults around them for being wet blankets or people who say “well, it’s technically legal!!” They feel disenfranchised, but the one place they do have a voice is the welcoming sphere of fandom. For me, I (as a teen) remember feeling particularly radicalized by the [horse cartoon] fandom’s reaction to the time he nearly committed statutory rape (they blamed the victim and said she was nearly 18 anyway, despite the fact that he was already middle aged and groomed her). I never became an anti, but I DID have huge long arguments in comment sections with people over this. This is the kind of energy antis are bringing to the table. Except, because they’re teens, they have much more black and white thinking and much less media literacy. Rather than defend a victim of almost statutory rape, they’re applying this black and white logic to situations that don’t really need it, probably because they’re using “I got discomfort from this, so that means it must be just as bad as people defending statutory rape!” They likely don’t have the experience to articulate/think nuanced positions like “The way artists emphasize the height difference of this ship reminds me of how society likes traits that infantilize women in romances, so I prefer ships where the woman is not much shorter than the man.” But I’m betting you that it bothers them still, even if they can’t put into words, which makes them feel crazy. So they try their best to put it into words, and it comes out as “Short women are child-coded, so romances with them are basically pedobait!” They need someone to take their frustrations with sexism seriously, but they suck at words and “I don’t like short women romances” doesn’t really sound like a sexism problem, so they escalate it into “it’s basically statutory rape” just to find others who feel as frustrated as they do. I personally feel this on a deep level, as I remember feeling like the entire romance genre was geared to fetishize the oppression of women, and I felt alone in my anger at this because nobody else in my life felt the same way. It’s only as an adult (when I developed a better capacity for nuance), that I realized that some women respond to the oppression in “problematic” ways by fetishizing it in a safe environment, and that’s okay. I think another cause of this is that a lot of the antis I see today are extremely young and grew up in cartoon fandoms where predators ran amuck in the lawless Wild West of [gems cartoon]/[pony cartoon] fandoms. They likely saw the effects of fandoms with poor adult/child boundaries (specifically ones where predators might’ve wrote stereotypically dark fanfic with “It’s just fiction” as a justification, only to be later revealed as a predator), and they are now vigilant about potential predators as a trauma response. They NEED to be able to “spot” predators using the Anti logic they’ve made up, because the alternative is realizing the predators have no standard look and can be anybody you know. The reality is, sadly, that no amount of Anti Logic will save you. Sure, some predators write dark fanfic, but a lot dark fic writers are perfectly good people. And people with “wholesome” interests can just as easily be a predator. [some person i dont know], a famous anti, is for instance a well-known predator. I have no doubt that she uses her anti status as a signal that she’s “safe,” when she’s very much NOT a safe person. This is compounded by the fact that the internet actually has a poor understanding of what grooming even is.

[lily-alphonse]

Rarepair Sam/Shane joja dorks

I love Sam and Shane. If they dont have a ship name Im calling them Sunnyside (for nonenglish speakers, “sunnyside up” is a way to cook eggs without flipping, so its both a reference to eggs and the sun)

Toxic or nontoxic, I love it. Give me the daddy issues angst. Give me the power imbalance. But also could be sweet! Shane learns to love life again by seeing it through Sam’s eyes. If I was actually going to write it I think I might lean more toxic, I love leaning into Shane’s worst traits (wonder why there are no Shane fics on my main account hmm?)

BUT with these asks Ive been making them all sweet and shit so let me try to think of something for that. I’ll make the age gap like 7 years (23/30 maybe?).

(Future Lily here: I got carried away with this one, it's now an official ficlet that I'll be posting to AO3 too lol)

They’ve been friendly enough as coworkers for a while. Sometimes Shane will even humor him by engaging him in conversation at work. He actually doesn’t seem like a bad guy. Funny even, if you like a deadpan sort of humor. But he’s closed off anywhere else. On Friday nights Sam watches over the pool table as Shane gets so drunk he stumbles home.

He worries about him. Despite Shane’s reputation around town as someone to steer clear of, Sam cares about everyone. And he knows he’s one of the few people Shane will talk to at all.

Things seem to get worse with his drinking. He’s calling out at work more. Coming in late.

Sam starts to come out at night to watch and make sure he gets home okay. He’s usually up when the saloon closes anyway. On nights where Shane’s stumbling badly, Sam goes out into the cold and follows him just in case. You never know with alcohol poisoning. He’s seen it at a party once and never wants to see it again.

But he will if he has to.

One bad winter night he’s following Shane as he does, when they round the corner and he just disappears on the other side. Sam looks around, it’s exceptionally dark on this path into the forest. He’s considering turning the flashlight app on on his phone when he suddenly gets pinned against the nearest barren tree.

“Why the fuck are you following me?” Shane hisses, the alcohol thick on his breath.

“Shane what the fuck!” His heart is racing. Has Shane ever been this close to him before?

“No, you what the fuck! Answer me!”

“I’m just worried!”

Shane groans angrily and lets him go. “Perfect! Of course you’re fucking worried. Let me just add you to the Yoba-damned list of people to disappoint then. No- just don’t okay? Do me a favor and don’t.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say. Despite being a big guy, he doesn’t like confrontation. Never has. He just wants people to be happy.

But Shane seems to want an answer. He’s still standing there, huffing cloudy breaths into the night and staring.

So Sam meekly says what he is thinking. “I just want everyone to be happy.”

An explosive sound comes out of Shane that has Sam flinching, certainly the beginning of a rant, but then he stops as suddenly as he started. He deflates. When his voice comes out next it is weak and broken.

“Of course you do, Sam.” He sighs, and it sounds so sad Sam almost wishes he was angry again. “But maybe some people aren’t built to be happy.”

Sam steps closer to him, just wanting to see into his eyes again in the near darkness. “I don’t believe that,” Sam whispers, Shane looking up to meet his eyes again. “I don’t think you really believe that either.”

“No, you’re right… I think I was happy once. But that might be even worse. If I had never been happy this might hurt less.”

Shane’s eyes are glassy. He’s close enough to hug and Sam is tempted to, but resists. “What happened, Shane?”

“So much. Too much,” he gives a sharp, sort of rueful chuckle as he looks away. But his body stays close. Maybe its the cold that keeps him close, but his cheeks are flushed with heat. "You know I'm turning thirty soon?"

Sam bites his lip, tempted to make a joke. When Shane meets his eyes again though, he can't help it. "Actin' real sixteen to be thirty," he mumbles with a smirk.

Shane elbows him but laughs. "Shut the fuck up. Idiot."

"I'm right though."

"So am I."

"Yeah, I can be an idiot and also right."

Shane laughs again and shakes his head. "Yeah."

"So that's what's got you like this then? That you're turning thirty?"

Shane bites at the inside of his cheek. "Just puts things into perspective, I guess."

Sam nods, though he doesn't really understand. He looks up into the night sky as the silence stretches, eyes hopping from star to star. "D'you think I'll get like that when I'm thirty?"

Shane scoffs, so Sam looks down at him again. "Hard to imagine you ever being anything but nauseatingly positive."

Sam's smile widens. "I'll try and take that as a compliment."

"Course you would," he grumbles. After a moment of silence he speaks again. "Sam?"

"Hm."

"I don't actually want you to stop, by the way."

"I know." Sam leans forward and opens his arms, half-expecting to be pushed away. But Shane hugs him. He leans his head on Shane's and murmurs, "I won't."

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

@doggobrie you weren't alone on this one!

[psshaw]

You have been one of the most unapologetically yourself artists Ive come across and I dont mean that in the cliche way I mean like... your idiosyncrasies seem particularly unstifled. Your art is purely yourself and the mainstream isnt gonna go for it but the audience you do speak to gets to feel like an alien finding someone else from their homeland. AI image gen feels like a beautiful cake with flowery frosting and when you cut into it its actually frosting all the way down and has nothing of substance. I obviously can speak only in metaphors lol so I just wanted to say I appreciate reading your thoughts on AI and tho I feel strongly abt it I have a hard time putting exacting words to what about it is so worrying to me. As an artist it energizes me when I see artists who are wildly unique and expressing themselves without a care to their skill limitations or personal strangenesses (read: mainstream unmarketability). Manga artist ONE and his charming and funky style is a great example. Anyway I love your thoughts and wanted to say thanks and also throw words at you

FUCKIGN DAMN DUDE, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY? Why is the weather getting misty on my face specifically. Thank you. My most contentious trait is that I keep forgetting to care what people want from me.

It's really interesting following people who are very honest but more mathy than me, because the way they talk about art and AI lately has gotten... increasingly callous. Even bitter. It's partly justified, because artists tend to suck at defending themselves charismatically. ("AI art isn't real art"; the "AI can't do hands" thing was always destined to age badly) But also, I can't stand the sheer selfishness of people who claim to be rational but don't seem know how to investigate what art at its best is for and why they view it the way they do. When I read "AI is great for hobbyists" I'm like. 95% of the time, I'M A HOBBYIST... I would never generate a script, or music... javascript maybe, but I'd feel guilty about it... but the excitement? I think some guys are just looking to suckle on a feeding tube. Cos they were done a disservice by thinking they had to stop visual art after fingerpainting!

I don't think AI NEVER has substance, but the type of person who gets excited about AI doesn't tend to do interesting things with it. And what really bothers me is that I can never tell exactly WHAT they did, versus how much was a coin flip. This is useless for understanding your voice as an artist. I don't care to see more by you.

ONE is a perfect example. His style MAKES that story. The manga and the anime feel so different. That's why I hate when people say that hating AI is discriminating against people who can't draw, cos like... if you can't make something intentional and real without using what's functionally a search engine, why would I believe you're having ideas worth the cliche conceptartdotcom overrendered AI polish at all? Not to be a dick, but like. In terms of rate of return on my attention investment, so far I'd do better by sitting at a craps table.

[cat3ch1sm]

HI EVE

So umm I wanna start writing hxh stuff but I'm scared it'll be really ooc :(( I watched the whole anime, restarting it and I'm reading the Manga too so I know the personalities of the characters well but I'm still not confident I can portray it right... it would be super embarrassing if I post my first story/ headcanon and the comments i get are "they wouldnt say that" "they wouldnt do that" "that wouldnt happen" 😭the way you write characters sound so like them and I rlly wanna make hcs and stories like you so pls spill your secrets 🙏🙏 if it helps, the characters I think I'll be most writing for are the main 4, kalluto and alluka (they're so underrated!!) mb hisoka andddd silva & kikyo? (I kinda wanna make some cute scenarios w them like they go on a date or smthing 🥺 idk why) but ofc, I would love to learn how to write for the majority of the hxh characters. But ummm it's okay if u don't have any advice, I'll just cry infront of my blank Google docs page 😔😔 (I'm jk, have a good day!!)

🐢~ OMG HI IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I FEEL AWFUL :(( @xl3vviii i love uu thanks for your request and patience 💚💚 i will try my best to explain my process in a general way so it’s easy to write for any character you’d like! i really hope this helps you<333

🍀~ and i totally feel you on the not wanting mean comments thing😭😭 broo ive been fortunate enough to not really receive those kind of comments but i did once and WOW was i embarrassed and changed it immediately😭😭 and the crying in front of a blank google doc page?? you are so real for that 😭😭😭

🌲~ another note to my followers in general: i want to sincerely apologize for my absence. my devices i usually post on all decided to conveniently stop working so that really sucked but my phone is back again!! im really grateful for you all and your patience, and i want to thank you guys so much for 3.5k! i have no intentions of leaving and i hope i can write lots more for you guys. hopefully i don’t ever need to be gone that long again! i love u all so muchh and thank you a million times 💚💚

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

a/n~ so sorry if this sucks cause ive never given a tutorial for my writing but i will DO MY BEST

so you said you wanted to write cute scenarios of dates for the hxh main four+ hisoka, silva , and kikyo! first thing i usually consider when i get requests especially, or just when i have an idea, is: would this character even do this? like if someone asks me, “hey, can you write headcanons for illumi zoldyck with a soft/sweet/kind s/o?” that would be possible (though maybe a little far-fetched canonically). it’s fine to stretch those boundaries a bit for fanfiction, i think. but if that request had instead been like “can you write reader x soft/sweet/kind illumi?” that would’ve been a hard no. don’t alter characters’ natural personalities because then it’s not the same character. what sometimes helps me is, especially if i haven’t watched or read any media of the character im writing for in a while, is looking up the character’s wiki on the FANDOM site and reading through their personality traits as well as their key moments because it helps me to determine what the character would do in the story and how they might react to some things. feel free to also go back and look at clips of the anime or pages of the manga; i find it helps as well!

so for what you want to write specifically, cute dating scenarios, i think that most of the characters you’ve chosen are a good fit. the main four are good for a prompt like that, and the zoldyck children you’ve chosen can be fitting as well. but as for hisoka, kikyo, and silva, that kind of prompt might not fit so well because obviously these characters can’t be seen as sweet or kind or loving. has hisoka ever expressed any interest in wooing someone properly or is he someone who operates on lust? did kikyo and silva court each other and go on little dates or was their marriage probably arranged/forced/only useful for selfish purposes? do their personalities even allow for sentiments like dates? would they even consider that? before writing something ask yourself if you can really see the character doing that clearly in your mind.

i think it’s a great thing that you’ve watched and read the respective canon content of your characters, and it’s good to refer to it if you ever find yourself struggling to characterize someone accurately. however, it is fanfiction, so don’t feel like you need to be super rigid. write whatever you’d like, honestly. but here’s a really common thing i notice when people write fanfiction: they take one aspect of the character and run the shit into the ground. a prime example of this is hobie brown from across the spiderverse and his “i don’t believe in consistency” line. like Jesus Christ. well-written fictional characters, like the ones of hxh, are often as versatile as real people are. make sure the character doesn’t feel like some one-dimensional version of themselves, and please don’t write for the character only based on one aspect of their personality. for example, hisoka is rather unpredictable, so that’s something you’d probably want to incorporate into writings for him. but for characters like most of the zoldycks, you’re going to want to tread a little lighter since they aren’t the main characters and thus we don’t see a whole lot of them. in situations like this, you might have to focus on just what you can see of them. so again, just ask yourself if you can see the character really doing what you’re writing them to do. would they act that way in an actual episode of the anime or volume of the manga? if you’re unsure or the answer is no, try going a different route.

it is also okay to make mistakes. practicing a lot will eventually get you to where you want to be. i still find myself slipping up in my writings and getting carried away (so read over your writings before you publish them)!! my dms are open if you ever would like me personally to review a piece and offer maybe more specific advice!

i hope this helped you, dear💚 again feel free to dm me if you have any more questions. thank you for your support 💚

[variousqueerthings]

Your aspec Doctor metas are top!! <2

aw thanks! i do like a good aspec character analysis focus!

been half a sec since ive talked about them specifically, but im interested in how all of this will continue to play into my lens for 15, who is a far more generally flirtatious iteration of the character (not that flirting means either sexual or romantic interest, but certainly there's more straightforward -- for lack of a better word -- "sexiness" injected into ng's run vs the far dorkier doctors of the past)

ultimately though, reading the doctor as aspec is always very easy to me because of that tension that occurs when writing an alien character -- and especially an alien character that's deliberately had these ideas be a part of them from at least Very Very early on, even if it was for more perhaps not all the right reasons (which, i really would love to gather the classic!who's doctors most aspec moments. there's "you're a beautiful woman, probably" which is obvs amazing, but... there are More, but im not plugged in enough to know them + still havent seen all of classic) -- which is that in creating an "alien quality", writers so often fall into aspec narratives without knowing it, because to them the two main traits of humanity are alloromantic and allosexual (there's another layer to this that im too sleepy to get into that is also to do with platonic and familial connections, but. you didn't write to me to get another meta, suffice to say there's something there a more awake-me could potentially say something about). writers/directors/storytellers talk about sex and romance in a particular way that both assumes a self-evident nature to them (this is simply "being human") while also, potentially/probably without realising, acknowledging the non-self-evident tension when imbuing certain characters with certain traits that become relatable despite their best attempts (or even wanted them to be relatable, but Not Like That Go Away Neurodivergents And Queers!!!)

all this to say that yes, the doctor is alien, and the alien-element has been stated (by julie gardner for one) to be enhanced by non-normative relationships to romance (not using these words ofc) and by steven moffat as something that he's tried to argue can go hand-in-hand with especially sex, which, i think his weakest writing occurred whenever he tried to turn the doctor into "just another bloke" and this usually happened when he started adding (het) sex and (het) romance elements into the plot

and rtd and ng are adding... non-het allo elements into the plot. those non-het elements have ofc always been there, im not saying they're new, but again, these ones are different to, say, jack kissing the doctor, or the show making casual references to different (alien) genders and (alien) male pregnancy and the like. this is the doctor making out with another guy type Stuff, which is new

but, the doctor was never alien because of the non-normative romantic and sexual plots. the dt era was incredibly aspec (and i think there's something interesting to be said for jodie whittaker's lesbian aspec vibes, but again, energy, late, sleeps) and kids and adults all over related to the doctor for a long time, because the doctor has a lot of relatable aspects to them. so the aspec is sort of alien, because it's about showcasing non-normative relationships to certain kinds of human social norms and aspec is a Go-To for that, but the aspec is now also just... built into the character in a way that i cannot unsee and think would be a shame to totally try to distance oneself from (and hey, moffat tried, and eleven + twelve... still really fuckn aspec if you ask me)

the question is, i suppose, how are these new sexier queer overtones going to relate with the general coherency of this character when reading from this lens. yes, the doctor is many things, and changes across regenerations, but BUT! i think there should always be some aspec in there. and i don't think that there won't be, but it'll be fun to read some aspec into a flirtatious, more confidently out-there character, because often aspec is considered synonymous with kinda dorky about things

but also it'd be fun if at soooome point a writer/director/producer on this show acknowledged that the aspec elements have been there for fucking ever and 1. they are Queer 2. they're not boring/inherently alien/otherwise lesser human-or-narrative ideas and 3. one can be more deliberate with these ideas potentially

the third one esp is dangerous though, because the risk then is that we get a PSA about the doctor being aspec when they've been comfortably not giving much of a fuck for awhile. but i do think something fun to do one day would be if the doctor were also aspec within their own culture (altho now we've got the whole whatsit child thing, so the doctor is a whole new level of alien i guess. anyway. you can tell the sleeps are getitng me because the tangents are getting worse)

(i leave it here)

(i like analysing this character this way, because it's always been there and it's nigh-impossible to extricate it from them without changing a core part of the character -- within all the fluidity, there is something that carries over from regeneration to regeneration and it's not just funky fits...)

(i was complimented on my outfit today and also asked if i watch doctor who, so im designated whovian at outfit, and im aspec, so needless to say, i related to that part of them. it's not that alien, julie gardner et al)

(it is Queer)

[sankttealeaf]

crying my eyes out at the parents!ruetash things. it all makes so much sense!! the DRAMA. ok but i'm still curious so if you feel like talking about them some more - did they plan to have kids or was it more accidental? i know rue had some real issues re: pregnancy in the fic, how did she ultimately deal with it? and since she was afraid of hurting their kids, do you think there were ever any close calls? sorry i. love them

i am ALWAYS down to talk about parent!ruetash especially because theyve been on my mind lately!!! <3 thanks for indulging me :D

it was purely accidental, these two are NOT safe when it comes to getting it on. when rue finds out she's pissed and doesnt tell him for like a tenday while she tries to come to terms with her options. ideally she would like to remove it, but then if it were to ever get out people may try and turn it into a Big Deal and she doesnt want the hassle

she tells gortash eventually and he is both overjoyed (woo he gets to continue his legacy) and kind of concerned because rue is being Too Calm about this. he wants this, she feels trapped in it but sure, he'll indulge in his little happy families fantasies - when their kid tries to kill him one night she wont stop them. its his fault for fucking a bhaalspawn

rue, despite how against children she is, uses her pregnancy to her advantage. gets her way all the time. loves the power trip. "gortash, you have to get me the imported fruits from the south. the babe wants it. i cant help it" or "im not moving from this chair my back hurts so i need you to feed me - this is your kid, pull your fucking weight"

calls their children "his problem". he wanted them so he has to deal with them. i think the actual act of giving birth is hell for him specifically and gortash is forced out of the room because she is trying to kill him for putting her through this (sorry rue, you do it again in a few years time)

i think theres been a few close calls. some nights gortash wakes up and rue is just. standing over the crib watching their child sleep. he has to coax her back to bed and on nights she feels really bad she's locked away in one of the guest rooms. (i like to think the reason she Is That Way is she sees their kid as a threat to her position in the temple of bhaal. even tho they are tiny and cannot kill her, one day theyll grow up and maybe discover their bloodline and try and kill her and she cant have that. best rid them early on)

its also why she distances herself from them. cant harm them if she isnt around them, right? its not until they have their son does she realise that she can feel when her urges are worsening, she's able to control herself. its fine.

when their kids grow up and none of them have tried to kill her, i think she becomes a better mother to them. thinks back to her foster family and how they treated her and tries to do the same despite being in a far better position than they were.

also slight tangent but the kids are like, a spitting image of gortash. i like the idea that there's no "tiefling" traits in them (because rue isnt a tiefling) & the only trait she passes down are the odd patches of skin discolouration or the freckles or maybe little flecks of white in their hair. bhaals flesh doesnt translate well, because the whole point (to me) is to blend in with the world. so when rue is stuck looking after the children she's always remembering her own childhood and Not Having A Good Time :)

i love to make her suffer. girl i am sorry.

THANKS for the ask!!! i love rambling about these two and ive had them on the brain a lot lately!! one day ill name these kids. we'll see

[everything-transmasculine]

Ive been wondering if you or anyone else on this blog may have any ideas regarding this, because I am out of ideas at this point.

I'm sadly still pre-T and will likely be for at least another year or two, but lately (especially around my period, not really because of it but because of all the hormone shit coming with it tanking my mental health) I've just been incredibly, incredibly dysphoric, and nothing seems to help because everything that normally helps and brings me euphoria (binding, packing, dressing masc, the whole nine yards, basically any option short of medical transition) just makes me more dysphoric. Not in a "I'm not a man anymore" kind of way, but in a "all this just reaffirms that I don't have a masculine body" kind of way.

And I don't really know what to do about it. I'm trying to get into therapy, but waitlists for therapists are up to a year long or just closed entirely. There's not even any trans/LGBTQ-support groups (or any kind of LGBTQ-groups in general) nearby. Any tips on how to navigate those bouts of extreme dysphoria are welcome, because it's been tanking my mental health into dangerously low territory

hey anon! as i personally dont have much experience on this, i asked my partner to weigh in - this is what it had to say;

i think before you're able to start feeling less dysphoric, you would need to work on decoupling physical bodily function from mental perspective.

mind-body dualism originally popularized by Descartes (as equally important but entirely separate parts which affect the other, due to their root/creation and following divergence into what you feel is physical and what is confined from sight inside of your skin - you think, therefore you are) while it has shortcomings as a school of thought, it ends up becoming how many people view themselves without realizing; "i am inside my head, and i control my body" to put it — almost overly so — simply. there's also merit in viewing it as a dichotomy of control vs. no control for the problem of mind vs. body, but i think factoring in the nuance of "my body is doing this for a reason, as it doesn't yet have the tools necessary to do it another way/stop it entirely/etc" is essential to approaching physical body dysphoria (and further than that, dysmorphia) and regain some of that control over something that is a part of your current life.

i've found it's also helpful to reframe what you know or have been taught about menstruation; what i've seen and experienced is that it's often taught (and then joked about) that it's uterine lining being shed (old blood, mucus, fluid) because an egg (ova) wasn't fertilized, leading to no pregnancy and the uterus "getting revenge for it." it's in modern nature to anthropomorphize, or ascribe "mind" traits onto "body" behaviors — as i mentioned earlier — whereas it's quite the opposite! as someone who could potentially develop a fetus under the correct circumstances, your period is "programmed" as a way for your very complicated human body to expel unneeded waste (like using the bathroom or vomiting after food poisoning) in a way that is of comparatively low risk instead of trying to reabsorb the tissue or forgo it altogether (which is why when someone who is on testosterone gets pregnant, they have to stop taking it.)

while you may not have control over menstruation in the same way you can't manually choose when your heart beats or lower/heighten your blood pressure, you do have control over the internal perception of your bodily functions, and knowing exactly why they happen while working on undoing the misogyny-based stigma surrounding it can help you mitigate some of that dysphoria.

the body views a fetus as an intrusion first, which is why it's modus operandi is to clear everything out when something goes wrong; the internal uterine structure is closed-system, unlike how your circulatory and neurological systems are connected to everything, and thus the reproductive system is a bit of a physical island floating in your abdomen. like all other parts of the body external and internal, it can have issues which cause it to work incorrectly/unexpectedly/different than usual, but ultimately it has a plan for how it's "supposed" to work, like a train on a track. while it may not yet be in your control to stop the cycle from occurring, if you can try and remember that your body is doing what it believes is protecting you most efficiently until the correct course can be set with testosterone/birth control/hysterectomy/etc, i think that you'll find your masculinity and male gender identity is in no way superseded by out-of-control parameters decided before you were separated mind-and-body. in fact, i'd argue that dysphoria and discomfort can be beneficial for future coping strategies and help give you (or anyone) a much better understanding for not only solving your own issues, but also being able to work around other people's as well!

starting testosterone (and looking into a form of birth control that ceases your period could be a temporary option as well) is the goal, but it doesn't make you any less of a self-made-man for accepting the situation for how it is in the present. mindfulness and acceptance with the ability to hold onto and work toward that goal for the future is also another form of asserting and expressing your masculinity in a positive way, with the historical and cultural context and expectations in thereof. i hope this makes sense and helps!

[liyahaffirmed]

UPDATE.’

i havent been active at all in the past week, and heres why!

(life update, future posts, success stories, new love 👀, & why everything is going good for me right now)

so basically ive just been feeling really drained and out of energy lately.

but! my mother ordered me a shein haul (which i manifested 🤭, success story post coming soon!) my gma took me on a shopping spree and bought me some clothes toooo, im getting a room makeover from my mommy, dad is giving me some money, my best friend did my hair for free (i did hers too!), I got a check for $100 for a program i did durring the school year (no warning or anything! didnt even know they gave out checks for the program! success story coming soon on that too + a method!) Im getting my hair done tommorow, nails done this week, and im going out for half of the week for my best friends birthday. my skin has also been clearing up after suffering a baddd breakout with really painful bumps!

why?

subliminals, writing out my affirmations and desires and then simply LEAVING THEM ALONE. i wrote down all of my desires & i affirmed for three days straight, “i have all of my desires, my life is exactly like my script.” and then, i stopped thinking about it. I just listened to subliminals in my sleep, i started the playlist with an asmr video to put me to sleep, then have my subliminals lined up in order of most important to me to least important. then i just…went to sleep 🤷🏾‍♀️.

i think what others do is hyperfocus on their manifestations, desires, and affirmations too much when that isnt the method that serves and fulfills them. sometimes you just have to make clear what your desires are and that you have them, and then simlpy let them clear from your mind and let your subconscious handle it from there. All ive been doing for the past few days is writing down my desires or what i want to happen, leaving it alone and letting it fade from my mind, and boom, instantly, they just happen!!

new love 👀?

so, like 5 months ago i had mapped out the “perfect guy for me.” Tall, dreadhead, sweetheart, treats me right, etc etc. the list was titled something like “my ideal boy” and it had EVERY SINGLE trait i wanted in a guy. now, for the last two months i was focusing on my old sp (we’ll call him “jake”) he’s toxic, doesnt talk to me unless i talk to him, doesnt be on the phone with me unless i call him, and said he “doesnt want me around.” so after i did all that hyperfocusing on trying to change him, i gave up, i didnt truly believe that he would change. and i didnt feel like he was worth even manifesting anymore.

so i texted my sister (not by blood) about it, telling her that i was officially #cooloffjake and that i was tired of the way he was treating me, that he didnt care about me, and that i was done with him. that SAME DAY, i was on ft with my sister when all of a sudden she asks if she can put me on with her brother (not by blood) so i talk with her more and more about him, and she added him to the call so she could better explain the situation im in.

as of right not, i, not allowed to date until im 16, he knows that and has agreed that he would 100% stay loyal to me even though we arent together right now! he understands my predicament completely and said has no problem waiting till i turn 16 to be in a real relationship with me 🤭. hes so sweet, he texts me all the time and calls me cute nicknames, and hes a total loverboy. he just makes me so happy 🤗.

whats funny is that i wrote that list and forgot about it after a week! i dont even know where it IS anymore. but this just goes to show that when you let go of things that do not serve you, the universe will send you something (or rather someone) who does 💞.

have a lovely day my (idk what you guys want me to call yall 😓)

- liyah 💖

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

so, um, I have a question. I'm sorta new to the fandom and recently I kinda realized something. I know that Sam fans are defensive because Deans everyone's favorite (or so I heard), but I've been seeing a lot of hate towards Dean or just general hostility towards him or like Dean stans. idk if its just my fyp but, why is that? like ive seen hate towards Sam, and generally its some BS like oh hes selfish or oh he didnt love/deserve Dean, but hate towards Dean is so... so much worse? people are like oh hes homophobic hes sexist hes misogynstic hes abusive his manipulative hes and so much worse. and people who just say "i dont agree with that" are immedietly labeled as "apologist". people say its fine cause hes the favorite but is he? i havent seen anything but the worst about him at least on tumblr and it kinda seems like people are projecting onto him a bit. why is that?

Yeah, you know, I've noticed that too and don't really understand it either.

Dean, well both of the boys tbh, seem to elicit a lot of very strong emotions and there are unhinged stans on both sides. I think the Dean hate is, at least in part, fed by bitterness over the Sam hate. Because, yeah, Dean wins all the popularity contests, and Sam is the target of a lot of really unfair criticisms. Both characters have flaws, that's a big part of what makes them such great characters, but Sam gets blamed for all kinds of shit that he just didn't do, or didn't have any choice in. The canon narrative even does this all the time. While Dean is often given more of a free pass for being problematic in various ways. So there really are some, understandably, bitter Samgirls out there.

But then there are also a bunch of folks who enjoy Dean being dreadful and choose to not only focus on his more negative traits, but they play them up and amplify them. Just look at the popularity of Dom/abusive/sadistic/dangerously obsessive Dean in the wincest tag lately. They've got him keeping Sam tied up and impregnated and whatnot. And look, I'm glad they're having fun with the characters, I am, even if I don't get the allure of that spin on things.

So, yeah, it's a thing that people do, either because they like Dean that way or because they absolutely hate Dean. But just keep reminding yourself, that Dean has way more supporters than Sam does, so a little bitter backlash is kind of to be expected.

If there are blogs that are consistently posting hate towards him and it's upsetting to you, just block them and move on. Your Tumblr experience will only improve with liberal use of the block functionality the site offers. But then also seek out blogs that seem to feel the same way that you do about him and follow them, interact with them. Find your people and try to have fun!

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

Something about Housepets that irks me

its way too late for this man

this is not a callout post. This is not a cancel post. I love Housepets, i'm probably not gonna stop loving it anytime soon, but if you love something, you criticize it. And across my years of reading, i've realized something kind of twisted.

listed above is every appearance of "Fat" Daryl where he is not mentioning food, eating food, or in some way referencing food.

Fat Daryl's character page is 4 tabs long.

Fat Daryl spends those other pages eating food;

Asking for food,

Winning an eating contest, getting lured into a trap with food, and during a big fight scene where every wolf gets to show off their abilities, saving a cake.

At the end of the comic, when Fat Daryl's character is put to rest (for now, at least), he becomes a chef. When he is transported to Heaven, where all his wildest dreams can come true, his finest moment is winning a marathon. Downhill. Because he's so fat.

7 appearances. One line, which is shared with another character. Every other instance of Fat Daryl, he must be eating.

But Daryl is one character, and Rick has a few overweight characters. Let's go look at them.

Housepets is, in my opinion, one of the funniest comics on the planet. It genuinely, genuinely pains me that it continues to fall back on the same tired joke again and again and again in this one single department. [X] Character is fat, and so we will make fun of them for it, again and again and again, at the expense of every other trait of theirs.

Fat Daryl has no personality. He is nothing but fat. He is not even a wolf, he is just fat.

ive been thinking about this overarching theme to the comic's humor for a while, but only looking at it like this does it click just how bad this is. Again, i'm not trying to cancel @ricksketchbookagain or anything; i love his comics and books, and i'll continue to spend exuberant amounts of money on them. I just needed to say this, and how much it disappoints me what a recurring theme it is.

[revcntulet]

  𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓾𝓵𝓮𝓽      …     twenty-six, healing student, knights 2ɪᴄ, 𝖌𝖆𝖜𝖆𝖎𝖓.

[ PINTEREST ]

makes you think of ... the stillness of the world the moment you take the first step into fresh snow, cashmere & fine wool brushing the inside of your wrist, the pearlescence of dreamless sleep draught, the scratch of a quill on parchment, faintly tremoring fingers, draping yourself dramatically onto the sofa like a fainting couch, a shiver up your spine in a warm room, the exhilaration of a problem solved, chin up high as your heart beats out of your chest, a thunderous grey overcast sky, the bite of a stitching charm, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, petrichor, the burn in your eyes before a well of tears, the long victory even if it takes years of late nights and sore bones.

always a riddle in the world, she said.

FULL NAME: Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy GENDER: shrug | he/they AGE: Twenty-six BIRTHDATE: January 20th PARENTS: Draco Malfoy & Astoria Malfoy (née Greengrass) Adopted

always a riddle inside your head.

BIRTHPLACE: St. Mungo’s Hospital, England HEIGHT: 5’11” WEIGHT: 56 kg ATTRACTION: Demiromantic Bisexual NATIONALITY: British MARKS: A ragged diamond shape scar at the base of his throat that almost looks opalescent in some lights.

always a thing to wonder the way we come to be.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood HOGWARTS HOUSE: Slytherin WAND ARM: Right PET: A crested toad named Jarvis (IV). PATRONUS: Arctic Fox WAND: 11 2/3 inches, Willow, Supple, Dragon Heartstring.

Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.

TRAITS: brilliant, innovative, empathetic, magnanimous, resourceful, loquacious, conscientious, adaptable, fair, individual, inventive, logical, diligent, over-intellectualizes emotions, dismissive, anxious, crotchety tempered, capricious, stubborn, facetious, rigid, prone to self-isolation & intellectual arrogance.

revontulet, which literally translates to “fox fire.” legend says that an arctic fox dashed across the tundra swiping snow up into the sky, while others claim his bushy tail caused sparks when brushing the peaks of tall mountains to create the aurora borealis.

[ parental death cw, substance abuse cw ]

I.

Centuries of tradition manifest, Malfoy Manor in its cold glory leaning in around you like a protective set of gnashed teeth has always been your home. Every first conscious memory is of your mother's smile above you and the kindness in your dad's hands. Consequence and penance aren't concepts you're privy to, not yet, they patiently explain every 'why' and 'how' question you fire off as soon as you get your clever tongue around the syllables; feeding your mind whenever it leaned helplessly toward knowledge like a plant toward the sun.

There was a warmth to the place, thick piled rugs and less oppressive air of rank fear and misery, more delicious cooking smells with whatever bounty had been harvested from the walled gardens for the vases that day. Your memories are of falling asleep high in the boughs of a weeping willow, dipping its thin tresses into the clear brook far below, its susurration lulling your eyes closed. Reading in high-backed armchairs in the library swaddled in furs, your mother's wand refilling your hot chocolate every two hours.

No blood varnishing the lacquer in the dining room, or the afterimage of torment ringing in the main hall.

Though sometimes late at night something ancient makes your teeth ache, and you wake up with your heart in your molars as something huge and without limbs propelled itself through your dreams across the floor in the hall into your waking thought.

Altan's knee pressed alongside yours on the stairs in Grimmauld Place, grazed by the escalating antics that only a house full of siblings could bring. One small hand of yours feels magnetized, warm and almost singing. When you bring those digits away the sluggishly bleeding mark is gone, your grin crooked and shining.

It isn't always so easy, for you. Ministry functions, grown-up family events filled you with dread and boredom. That incessant buzz of a hundred souls swarming around you, their emotions striking up the broad side of you like you needed wards to help you from absorbing it all. Taking up the pigmented hue of feeling like watercolour, the blues running and running no matter how hard you tried to stay in the lines.

When you were eight you got caught owling multiple senior mediwixen at the best institutions across Europe to ask their professional opinion, on how best to seal up your tear ducts when you finally got your wand.

II.

School is everything, the anticipation makes you glow and flicker in equal measure. A place dedicated to learning... Leaving the only home you'd ever known. You're more fully formed, finally, smart-mouthed but still caring, an uncanny wiseness to your smallness, a voracious appetite for knowledge.

Slytherin. The old thing so torn between the incessant questions you fired and the pure unbridled entitlement driving behind it that you stalled it for a minute and a half. You're not sure if your parents are surprised, your letter reaches them first thing September 2nd.

Since the world got bigger and you could no longer cinch your fingers tight in your mother's skirt and hide behind her leg; you'd always lived with some great yawning fearful dread, feeling on the precipice of something terrible that had your stomach heaving great swoops of vertigo at random times as though your body could prepare you.

You realise on your knees in the garden, on your knees in the blood, the blood that will feed the grass and make it grow; when the forget-me-nots open in the spring because time won't listen to your grief you'll lie in the shape they make in the dearth of her and pretend. Pretend. You realise, on your knees in the garden, you will never be ready when the other shoe drops.

The birds in the distance hadn't even stopped singing, only a lone Jobberknoll had flapped its wings out of the closest oak. The orangery stained glass hadn't shattered, rainclouds hadn't drawn in, there had been no accompanying swell of heartrending orchestral music. Just her absence, the absence of life stark against the world already moving on without her and how she didn't make sense in it anymore.

What happened? Tell me, what happened!

You don't speak. For a week, two. You can't, it isn't true. It isn't until Lila has to wrap her arm across your shoulders and help you duck away from the Shrivelfig planters in the greenhouses the first time you see Thestrals breach the canopy of the Forbidden forest. At heart you're a scholar, the hard evidence makes your chordae tendineae fray, near snap like broken piano strings.

What you'd dreamed of your whole life lands neatly in your lap. Apathy, curled around you like a familiar cloak. Standing three feet behind and one step to the left of yourself preparing for your OWLs, physically you were where you'd always been at Hogwarts, stepping carefully in the footprints of the boy you were a year ago, the boy as dead as his mother.

Your mind is keen still, the part that categorizes data is still working the auxiliary systems. Quill to parchment, nose in a book. Your father needs you, you need each other. Your grip on him now, like iron. If you puppeted things just right you could have the right to be indignant if anyone called you on it, even if they saw you with cleaner eyes than you'd ever caught through a glimpse of yourself in any mirror. Even if they saw how you wore yourself like an ill-fitting coat, as though old boots pinched your soul too tight.

III.

Prefect. Quidditch Commentator. The work. Make sure dad eats, forget to eat yourself. Take dreamless sleep draught to rest, repeat.

You've got some colour back of your own now, you can feel it again but you distract yourself with never pausing for a moment, never sitting still with the grief that creeps sluggishly toward you. You work like it's chasing you, like the world's slowest wild hunt could crawl into the dungeons at any moment but, you know. You know that you can't run from something that originates from you, deep in the pit of your belly, dark and knotted against your ribs.

You're so blinded by your petty teenage troubles and your own eclipsing darkness that the world starts to slip, outside your window. The careful cradle of post-war prosperity, the previous reform of the ministry. The shadows start to creep back into frame.

You know what is right, you've always known it. Your friends are good for you, bringing you a self-assuredness that didn't come naturally. You'll fight for it, die for it. You aren't a natural dueller but your defensive charms are incredibly strong, your potioneering knowledge even more so, poisons and venoms develop into careful weapons. Non-lethal and terrible.

You staunchly oppose the resurrection. Watching the ever-present spark in Lila's eye turn flinty in shock. Everything in you, fibre to your bones rails against it, is it because you've finally grown accustomed to the howling grief, just got it to quieten? Jealousy? Guilt? You dig your heels in, it's so rare that you rise to occasions but the only way the other Knights were wresting this snake was to cut off your head.

IV.

You nearly lose your apprenticeship developing the modified patronus charm, passing out at your desk in the labs. You are consumed by it, the project, the experimentation. You darken doorways at strange hours for opinions on obscure theory, elements of the magic, the importance of ritual and their thoughts on your experiments with dementors. It wasn't said, in any sort of terms, they all knew that you wouldn't let it go if they forbade you, that you'd go down with your jaw locked around the puzzle by yourself if they did.

What they didn't know is that even if they did assist you, you'd go ahead anyway. As the first iteration of what you had all made bloomed to fruition before your eyes, beneath your hands, a gnawing doubt started to form. Not an alarm but irritating, like a hang nail.

You could never ask anyone to take that risk, not when it was your responsibility. Not until you knew it was safe.

You find the fixed point of yourself in the universe as the ritual completes, you tear it up. Every single layer of your soul flays away from you, matter coalescing something to form in colours your eyes have no cones to capture. Time, space bend like wire and there is light shining out of you in every direction, cutting thread whilst also weaving it. You reach out with no bodily hands but the whole singing ream of you toward ribbons of your magic: inhaling it home with its torn, ragged edges.

You die. For one minute and thirty-seven seconds, after you slump limply to the floorboards from the piano stool, you stop breathing. A ball of snow-white fur is encircled, bracketed by your unmoving chest and you don't wake up. Rennervate jolting your form hopelessly, unoccupied.

You're good at your work. You limit the burnt, iron taste that lingered in the back of your sinuses for weeks, the numbness of your extremities and the crimson-eyed stare of the burst blood vessels, your ears trickling scarlet, your nose. No one else has to see what you have seen, they come to you and ask if it's ready and if they didn't already have every step in this intriguing dance of experimentation in too many minds to obliviate: you'd destroy it. You'd destroy it all.

You love Cleo. You're terrified for her, the sleek little arctic fox putting to word feelings you'd much rather bury.

You still can't take any life other than your own.

Always had somewhat fragile health tending toward sickly. Hands are never warm. Bruises like a peach and scars so easily.

Views quidditch as a good fly spoiled.  

Is a very skilled pianist.

Has a fabric sling that he wears across his torso that Cleo (his daemon) is often curled up in. Looks like a single dad at meetings, toad on his shoulder.

While very eloquent and well-spoken, he is markedly less posh than when he first arrived at Hogwarts.

When he isn’t prone to bouts of insomnia he can take a nap pretty much anywhere. He was once found in a tree after several frantic hours search.

graphic template <3

[heroswags]

the sphinx experience

for the longest time, ive always had the dream of dressed up as a four legged sphinx character with specific built in features for me to be able to move fully, not entirely naturally, but enough for me to look like some mythical fantasy creature. i dont know why. id design the character myself, build the suit tailored to my body, and id do whatever crazy shit i could think of as soon as i put it on

since i was a little kid ive always wanted to act like some feral animal, usually i wanted to be a werewolf. i used to try out those werewolf spells on youtube, specifically the ones that required you to say things like "mote it be" at the end of them like that was such a specific thing for werewolf spells back then. idk if people still do them. when i was 16 (maybe 17?) my psychosis got so bad that i started believing i actually WAS a wolf. im pretty sure it was clinical lycanthropy. ive recovered from that ever since

but ever since ive always had this lingering need to get on all fours and act animalistic; i have never been satisfied in my own body but over the years i "adapted" specific traits that animals do. its kind of weird. i try flexing my ears like a dog, i tuck my arms under my chest like a cat, etc. again. really odd but not in a bad way. odd in a "oh this is something hero would do" kind of way (if that makes sense). anything animalistic has also given me tons of gender euphoria, ESPECIALLY if its sphinx related. explaining my obsession with sphinxes and how important they are to me is a whole nother can of worms but they are super important to my entire identity in ways that i never thought were possible. and its funny i say all of this because like... im not otherkin, or a therian. i am a furry though but i dont really think that counts (?). my connection with sphinxes is just a weird personal experience thats not too serious but also still super important to me as a person

and i always think to myself, what would it be like to be these creatures?? how would i feel walking on all fours? people would think its weird, people think anything out of the ordinary is weird, and it IS weird. but they think its a bad weird. i think its a good and fun weird. and its something that id really wanna try one day. of course id have to get fit for it if i really wanted to get in full costume, and its not just a quadsuit kinda thing. im talkin about running, jumping, etc etc, getting super active for the hell of it. i wanna get the full body experience of what it would be like to be wild, feral, and FREE. i still want some of my humanity attached, hence why itd be a sphinx character id base said costume off of

this is more of a haha funny thing but halloween is coming up, even if i wouldnt have it ready in time (i doubt id even have materials to make it myself) but i think chasing after people on halloween late at night would be hilarious

very long rant talking about my inner feelings about sphinxes and how i really want to be one, but not enough to the point where i cant return to society as a human guy. a costume is enough for me. its almost 12 am and i need to sleep for work but ive thought about things like this for YEARS so i guess ill dump it here