#ive had dreams periodically where i HAVE to talk to them and it leaves me feeling anxious in the morning thinking ive fucked up

[fluentmoviequoter]

The Freak and The Princess (IV)

Summary: Eddie lets you walk by during his rant in the cafeteria, stumped by your quietness and manners toward the town freak. He then decides to be the perfect gentleman. [Part 4/5] 1.2k+ Words

Warnings: nightmare (about death), stress about the future (angst?), meddling best friends Steve and Robin, Jason Carver returns. I think that's all!

A/N: This part is written from a different perspective to give a glimpse into Eddie's life and thoughts! I edited this and proofread it, but please point out any errors or things you like! My requests are open! Hope you enjoy! :)

Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV. Part V.

The Freak and the Princess

Part Four: The Freak

“No, no! You cannot die on me!” Eddie pleaded with tears streaming down his cheeks. “I just got you; I can’t lose you!” He watched as her eyes closed and her hand lost its grip on his. “No. I love you, princess.”

Eddie woke with a jolt, sheets all over the place, a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin, and tears rolling down his face. It felt so real; he thought she was gone. Eddie kicked the sheets off the bed, stepped over the pile, and walked around the trailer, trying to find anything to get his mind off the image of his princess dead in his arms. He struggled to go back to sleep, fighting the temptation to call her and ensure she was alright. When he finally fell asleep again, his mind drifted to his princess and the life they could have.

“Princess? You ready?” Eddie asked as he knocked on her door.

The door was pulled open a second later, revealing his princess holding her bag and extending a muffin to him.

“Yes, sorry I’m late. Here, I made blueberry muffins.”

Eddie happily bit into the treat, groaning in delight as he tasted it. “Of course, you can bake. What can’t you do?”

“Legally drive.” She smiled as she accepted his hand to climb into the passenger seat of his van.

“True, but that works out for my benefit too, so win-win?” he asked, popping the last bite of the muffin into his mouth and shifting his van into reverse. He looked over to see her nodding and smiling.

"How ya doin', princess?"

“I’m fine. Tired.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I just stayed up a little too late stress baking.”

“What are you stressed about?” Eddie was concerned, his thoughts drifting to his dream before he had a chance to stop them.

“Nothing specific, I guess. Finals, graduation, college, all that stuff." Her eyes were on her lap as she answered.

“You’ll ace your exams, princess.” He truly believed she’d do well but did not want her to move away to college in the fall.

The conversation shifted to D&D and music before they walked into school and went their separate ways. Eddie’s mind drifted to his princess, and he had to consciously fight to pay attention in class; he wanted – needed - to graduate with her this year. When lunch finally rolled around, he collapsed at the Hellfire lunch table with a sigh, drawing the attention of everyone present.

“What’s up, Eddie?” Dustin asked.

“Nothing,” Eddie lied.

“Is it your princess? I saw her going into the headmaster’s office earlier,” Lucas asked, shoving a piece of candy in his mouth.

“What? When?” Eddie lifted his head, suddenly concerned.

“Before last period.”

Eddie went to his locker after lunch, opened it, and found a note:

‘I left early, but I’ll be back for Hellfire. -Princess’

His mind started racing, and questions ran through his mind. Did something happen? Why did she leave, and where did she go? He pushed the thoughts back and went to his least favorite class, Mrs. O’Donnell’s English. After his last class, he went straight to the club meeting room but couldn't focus on the game. The boys started filing inside a few minutes early, talking about their characters and what they were doing over the weekend.

“Eds?” Eddie heard a quiet voice say from the doorway. 

He looked up and saw his princess point over her shoulder, asking him to come with her. He stood up and followed her into the hallway, trying to ignore the fluttering in his heart at the new nickname.

“Is everything ok? I’ve been worried about you all afternoon,” he explained, a hand landing on her bicep.

“Yeah. The headmaster had some stuff to talk to me about. We went over some of my college applications and I left to go to the library for essay research,” she answered.

“Oh. Well, I have no doubt the schools will be fighting over you.”

“I don’t know, Eddie. I’ve been so stressed about finals and college, but I don’t even know what I’d be good at or if I can get into any schools,” his princess countered quickly, her shyness present in her insecurities. “Honestly, I don’t know if I even want to go to college, because I don’t want to leave you.”

“Hey,” Eddie interrupted, pulling her closer. “You will get in, trust me. And if you decide to leave Hawkins, I’m right beside you. If it comes down to me or your dreams, choose your dreams.”

“I’m not going-“ his princess began.

“Eddie! It’s time to start!” Dustin yelled from inside.

Eddie and his princess returned, sitting in their usual seats and playing as if they hadn’t just been discussing a future with one another. When the game ended and the boys left, Eddie hugged his princess, holding her as closely as possible and burying his face in her neck.

“Eddie, are you alright?” She returned the hug as she spoke.

“I…” Eddie cleared the tightness from his throat before continuing, “dreamed you died in my arms. And then you disappeared today and it just- it scared me.”

“I am so sorry,” she said, squeezing him tighter.

“It’s not your fault; I’ll be ok. Wanna go to Family Video and get a movie? I don’t think either of us should be alone tonight.”

She nodded against his chest, not wanting to let go yet. He squeezed again, head on her shoulder. His hand found hers as they exited the school and headed to Family Video. As soon as they walked in, Steve and Robin looked up at them as if they knew something no one else did.

“Munson, a word?” Steve asked.

“You’re with me,” Robin added, pointing to Eddie’s princess.

They reluctantly separated, Eddie and Steve moving toward the front window as Robin and the princess went to the back room.

“Munson, you have to tell her. You’re not helping anything by keeping it bottled up,” Steve started.

“What are you getting at here, Harrington?”

“You’re in love with her. Tell her before you lose your chance.”

“She’s going to college; she’s leaving soon, and I am holding her back.”

“What if not telling her is holding her back? What if she wants to know how you feel?”

“Why would she want to know that I’m in love with her?”

“Because she feels the same, idiot!”

“Whoa, easy with the names. Honestly, I want nothing more than to believe you, I want to be with her, but she can do amazing things and I just-“

“Eddie,” Steve interrupted, “telling her isn’t going to stop her from doing great things. I’m willing to bet she already told you she doesn’t want to leave.”

“She did.”

“Everyone she loves is here, she doesn’t have anyone else. She deserves to know. Don’t you think?”

Eddie groaned. “I hate that you’re right.”

“So, you will tell her?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“I’ll wait ‘til she isn’t so stressed.”

Steve heard the phone ring once, silencing as he watched Robin answer it. She handed the receiver to Eddie’s princess, who faced the wall as she listened with tense shoulders. After a few moments of silence, she hung up the phone and took a shaky breath, tears building as she looked at Eddie.

“That was Jason Carver.”

Taglist: @loonalockley @paleidiot @kimmi-kat

[boydepartment]

ive noticed you tend to apologise a lot when youre tired and taking a break 😅 you shouldnt do that. youre a human, of course you'd feel tired sometimes. hope youre taking enough rest and recovering soon, no pressure to take and accept requests.

im sorry your interview went weird, but its good you pulled back the moment you found it sketchy. hopefully youd get a chance to accomplish your dream sometime soon in the future! take care jayjay

-🎄

hi it’s okay 🎄 anon :) i’m gonna use your ask to talk abt something if that’s okay, this isn’t @ you, i pinky promise.

i’m gonna be honest after valentine’s day i might just leave this account ? i don’t think ill delete anything but i just can’t be on tumblr or read any of the content i used to. i talked about it a bit a couple days ago i just want to elaborate more.

it makes me really just idk :/ i don’t like the community at all anymore and it’s been declining my mental for a bit. i love enha and all my people in the different groups i like, but i really really hate how some ppl write them and it just freaks me out REALLY bad. ESPECIALLY RIKI. like fuck some of you guys are so weird bruh…. and shameless. like you have no respect and don’t even on the “it’s not that serious.” you’re fucking weird. period. there’s no reason to make some of the shit you guys say public at all.

it’s been talked abt more recently how dubcon and dark fics are more common now and i can’t keep scrolling past it and seeing it. it freaks me out that people will write about actual people like that especially someone who lived at the receiving end of abuse like that. why would you want someone you love to be put in the situation of the abuser? like it doesn’t click to me and sometimes even scrolling past and seeing the tags and send me into a bad episode so i just can’t anymore. i don’t know how people think that’s okay to push their coping mechanism that’s darker and extremely damaging on an actual HUMAN BEING. coping mechanism or not that’s fucking weird. they may be idols but they are human beings too.

i’ve also had a few asks in my anon that are just straight up rude, demanding, or calling me weird for liking riki at all? like you are attacking the wrong girl i have nothing but respect for him. those anons are just stressing me out aswell and it’s just too much. i’m exhausted constantly being disrespected. tumblr is supposed to be a platform where i can get away and get lost in lighthearted stories and it’s not that for me anymore.

i might come back after i leave on valentine’s day but i need time to actually enjoy kpop like i used to. the fans are ruining it for me and it’s just been making me really depressed. i can’t even go on tiktok sometimes because of the fan bases. i’ve always been very open with you guys and like, i need to pull back from these fan bases and take care of myself. i barely eat, sleep, or enjoy anything anymore(that’s due to offline stuff but being on tumblr doesn’t help any of that at all). i miss having fun and the communities are ruining it.

[nahalism]

Hey:) Hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if you ever had/did astral projection/obe? I’ve looked on your page to see if you answered it before, but I can’t find it. If you did, could you describe what it feels like? Thnx and have a nice day!!

heyyy, aww your so sweet. ive had experiences that align with the descriptions out there of of astral projection, but havent ever used terms to identify those experiences so idk if its necessarily the same thing?

ive had dreams where i dip into other people's consciousness or see things from their point of experience, perhaps i even see an event that is happening/yet to occur from outside of my body or a third person view of my self/the situation. usually those dreams feel different (lucid & like im being guided through them or shown something). sometimes i take the metaphorical significance with me/things i feel from that dream and apply them. other times a specific voice is speaking to me and literally dictates what it is im meant to get from the dream. other times, im unsure what to take from it then the things i saw/experienced in the dream come to pass or the person involved reaches out and recounts things i already know / can help them with. some of the time, ill dream scenarios that im in from a birds eye view. like i watch myself doing something, then ill do the exact same thing in real life and it feels like supreme de je vu only i can remember the first time it happened and know i dreamt it.

ive also had out of body experiences when i fast / meditate. when im deep in that state (usually spirit led experiences), i dont leave my body per se, but what i am and what i sense/experience/'know' seems to extend beyond the bounds of my body. this is most heightened when im in direct contact with the earth, when i gaze at the sun/sky for extended periods, or when im at the beach, looking at or in the water. in these instances im usually getting cues of how to heal myself/ understand my body/ conduct myself, however there are also occasions ive tapped into other people, their feelings and how best to heal them.

i always feel protective over talking about these things publicly cause im aware of what the perception may be. but i hope that gave an insight. i think ultimately, all people do have the ability for heightened perception in the way i described, but the key is to ground in spirit/god/whatever name u give to the primordial source we stem from, and trust that if and when shown anything its for a purpose beyond self gain and self reputation. sending love <3

[disfrutarconleo]

back on my bullshit aka back at work after being snowed in for days. I was getting so restless I had to leave the house. I think I'm one of only 2 people in the office today. I don't know why I decided to come in when I c Ould have been cozy in bed. I think im just getting super tired of living there, even though it's been very helpful as far as saving money and paying off my debts goes. I've still got almost 1k and I could use it to pay off sprint so I stop going to collections over this shit. it's only like $250 but that's a lot of money and I'm worried about not being able to move or something. I get restless.

I hope you're doing okay. I wonder about the dog. I wish we were back at the apartment together. cooking dinner and making dessert and watching dumb tv and watching you try on clothes.

dumb. all because I saw a painting of you. powerful Robert though lmao. fuck that shit. you were awful to me, I was awful to you. I hope everything is going well with you though. even if we're never going to be friends or speak again. wow I really fucked up in Memphis and I hope I leave and never come back.

I guess my therapist was saying in need to be honest with myself and admit that I do want to be in a relationship, even though I know right now isn't a good time.. I dream about it a lot. I want to be happy being alone.

I wonder how Harv is doing, I wonder about angelli, I wonder about all the plants in the sunroom at k's house. I think about all the moments in my life that have been important in the mundane because of other people and I get sad. where are the moments ive only shared with me?

I want to remember I want to remember.

sitting at the beach on the stairs with my legs in the water, deciding I needed to go to therapy. walking up the steps of the old church, when I moved to Austin and had no one to talk to. I

this pattern repeating and repeating, of happiness and lonlieness over and over. this time I want to find them both, together, and be okay. I keep crying and getting sad and then happy and then sad again. am I fucking about to start my period ? is it because I take my meds in the morning now instead of at night?? who knows.

daydreaming about winning the lottery again. its been a while since ive done this. but it makes me happy, to feel like I have control and power and that I can pursue my dreams. what are my dreams?

I want to go cook for the best Mexican chefs really. at the end of the day. but that means I need to buy some sort of camper situation.

idk what I want to do. I want to sleep and sleep. I want to leave here and not come back. I want someone to sit me down and tell me "this is what you're doing now.. we have made a decision for you and here is where you're going to go. going to do" but no one is going to do that for me. I have to sit myself down and really decide what I need to do here.

maybe I need to find out about all my debts. I have the sprint. whatever is in collections from the Austin place. my old apartment. I really think that's it.

ok im going home on my lunch break because this weather is ridiculous and I wanna be cozy warm in bed, and not here at work where I can't even lay down!! I wanna be horizontal and cry a bit.

haha im so funny. anyways. gonna leave work here at lunch did I already say that? I don't know. I keep coming back to this after taking a break for a while.

[hardwaresysx0]

massive vent underneath the cut. i dont know i just started typing and couldnt stop. you can read it if you want, but honestly, i recommend you dont.

i miss the days of when who was going to be in front was predictable. now we've gone through a few day period where there was a new person in front every day. it fucking sucks, especially because all of our old hosts are inactive, even the one that was frontstuck for 2 YEARS! and she WANTED to be! i havent seen her in weeks. one of them tends to front whenever his name is mentioned but even when he DOES pop into front, he always just goes "wow this is so boring. you live like this now?" and leaves. and i think its because the one sense of stability we had for a while is now just. bloop. gone. and the fact that it was our fault too really just adds the cherry on top of everything. speaking of that sense of stability, some people refuse to accept the fact that its even gone! so then we have to deal with delusions that are straight up UNREALISTIC, that we still have that support system when we don't really have anything outside of ourselves and pouring all of our thoughts into this damn website. every fucking day we wake up and think about those people who offered us comfort, it's almost become a routine! and last night before I went to bed I talked about it with a friend, and guess what. i had another fucking dream about them. about *him*. and it was REALISTIC too, it was him messaging us, checking in on us, and then leaving again. it reminds me of the first time something like this happened. and guess what! it was with HIM! IT WAS HIS FAULT! because we were immature and couldn't be expected to take responsibility and now WE suffer from the choices HE made! and instead of trying to figure out the real issue, he tells us hes tired of helping and boots us out, expecting us to move on? really? us? the ones who waited for so long, for you?! our mindset was that a month was nothing. it's somehow carrying over to this but only in the sense that "he'll come back", not in the sense that time goes by quicker even when he's not here.the past month has been the longest month ive had in the past.. i don't know. 3 years? especially with school. and before i had friends to talk to that could hold me over, people i could always turn to, but now those people are gone because of ME. because of US. fucking great. occasionally ill snap and stalk them on social media too! and be self aware during it! they have me blocked on tumblr (THANKFULLY), but there are some they either can't block me on, haven't blocked me on, or didn't even know i had an account there. it fucking sucks, it makes me feel so much worse and triggers a pretty massive relapse every single time (which is what happened 2 days ago) AND I JUST HAVE TO DEAL! we just have to deal with it! WE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT EXCEPT FOR WAIT. and waiting does nothing, because all of our process gets RESET OVER AGAIN EVERY SINGLE TIME WE SO MUCH AS REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT HIM. i can't even tell whether or not i want them back in my life or not. i genuinely can't tell oh my fucking god UGH, and even if i decide that i do there's no fucking WAY it'll happen! because when i went back to them the first time i fucking exploded and they told me that they would never let me back it's like.... i reach a point of acceptance. i relapse. i decide that i'm better than them. i decide that they're better than me. i decide that i don't deserve them. i decide that i need them. i decide that i'll just pretend they're here. i decide and over. and over. i hate it. i just want to live. let me LIVE. LET ME LIVE! FOR FUCKS SAKE! I JUST WANT TO EXIST BUT MY LIFE HAS TO BE ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LEFT ME AND RENOUNCE ME AND NEVER WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN! BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE WHO FUCKING KNOWS! BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM, BECAUSE WE NEED SOME SEMBLANCE OF STABILITY WHEN THE REAL FUCKING STABILITY CAN'T BE FOUND FROM OBSESSING OVER THEM! OH MY FUCKING GOD. i just want our lives to be about us. to live for ourselves. for no one else. and when that's possible, we just make up someone to have our life be for. i fucking hate it. please let me live. let us live *clears throat* anyways how is yalls thursday going

[thora-jane]

Twin-Way Mirror (Pt iv)

Series Summary: You've been friends with the Weasley twins since your first train to Hogwarts, but as the three of you start your 6th year, you start to question if your feelings go beyond friendship.

Summary for Pt 4: You begin to feel something is truly off about the twins as you all start to get ready for the world cup

Warnings: gets the slightest bit spicy, someone briefly isn't wearing a shirt but nothing happens lol

Word count: 2,637

female!reader, 2nd person POV

(a/n): We're back to Twin-Way Mirror BUT! I'm still taking requests! I think it'd be awesome to make some stories any of you want to see! Don't be nervous to reach out and send me an ask! Please!!!! I sit in the college cafeteria every morning for hours needing something to do!!!!! Love you all and hope you have a ~magical~ day <3

***

“(Y/n)! (y/n), get up!” Hermione whispered, shaking your shoulders lightly, “We need to get ready to go, could you wake up the twins? I need to get the other boys.”

You nodded, eyes not fully open as you sat up in bed and stretched. By the time you had rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and looked around, Hermione was already gone. Crawling out of bed, you looked over at the twins. Both of them were still fast asleep, and you tried to recall exactly how heavy of sleepers they were.

“C’mon, fellas, we gotta get moving,” You mumbled, nudging the one nearest to you. When there was no response, you sighed. Sitting down on their bed next to them, you leaned over and tucked his hair behind his ear. Freckles. Taking a deep breath, you placed your lips next to his ear. Without whispering, you woke him up, “Oi, Georgie Porgie. Get up, we need to go soon.”

You felt his leg kick out with a start as he bolted upright, his eyes snapping open and looking around before he saw you. You tried to hold back a smile but failed, and with an exasperated groan he grabbed your shoulders and yanked you over to him. You let out a little yelp as he wrapped his arms around you and yawned.

“How dare you,” he paused, squeezing you as he stretched out his legs, “waking me up in such a violent manner! Do you not care about my beauty sleep? It takes a lot of work to be the better looking one!” this got you to laugh, but not long after that a pillow came flying towards your face. George ducked, turning the two of you to shield you from the impact, “Careful love, I think we’ve awakened the savage beast,” He winked down at you before getting hit with another pillow.

“Savage beast? Speak for yourself Georgie. (y/n), where’s my good morning kiss? I dare say I feel a bit cheated,” Fred pouted. You wriggled out from George’s arms and threw a pillow back at Fred before walking to your trunk and taking out some clothes.

“Bold of you to assume George would even get a ‘good morning kiss.’ And if the two of you don’t get up you’re not going to get a good morning, period. Now c’mon, Hermione said we’d be leaving soon,” You picked up the pillow from your cot and threw it so it hit one of them, then ran out of the room before either had the chance to reciprocate your actions.

You changed as quickly as you could and combed your hair. You knew you didn’t have a whole lot of time to spend in the bathroom with a house full of people, but as you splashed your face and let the cold water drip off your nose, you started mulling over everything that had happened since you got here: Being carried into the house, Fred and George’s jokes about the handsomer twin, the moments where you’d make one of them go quiet, not to mention Fred kissing your forehead last night. It was all rather odd, really. You wondered if Hermione or Angelina would have anything to say about it. After drying off your face and deciding that talking to the girls about it wouldn’t hurt, you left the bathroom and headed back to put your pajamas back in your trunk. Apparently you were too used to having a room to yourself, as you opened the door without knocking.

That was a mistake.

“Bloody hell, (y/n)!” you heard one of them exclaim before you slammed the door and clamped your eyes shut. You weren’t sure which twin was still in their room, but whichever it was, they hadn’t exactly finished changing their shirt. A second later the door swung open again and you did everything in your power to not look up at them again.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry,” You winced, trying to duck below their arm and get through the doorway without touching them. He only laughed, and turned to watch you tip-toe through the bedroom out of embarrassment. Walking back towards the door and staring at your feet (either out of embarrassment or fear that he’d see your face turning as red as his hair) you had nearly made it out before he stuck out his arm to block you.

“I’m so sorry, I really am,” you stammered out again, still trying to avoid his gaze, “I forgot to knock and I thought you two had gone downstairs and-”

He only chuckled to himself, “It’s alright, (y/n), nothing that hasn’t happened before, and certainly not something that won’t ever happen again, right?”

At this you looked up, utterly confused, “I’m sorry, what?” you caught a glimpse of his jumper, green with a large letter ‘G’ knitted into the front.

“Oh, uh…” he paused, scratching the back of his head, “I only mean that...I’ve been walked in on before and...It’s bound to happen again and...well better me putting my shirt on than something else, right?” he offered a laugh, but after hearing his words leave his mouth it came out more like a wince.

After some hesitation you gave a weak smile, then nodded, “Right, yeah,” he coughed, and you looked down at your feet before pointing out to the hallway, “Let’s get going, then.”

***

The seven of you left the burrow just as the sun had started to rise, George and Fred had been walking with the other boys, passionately talking about who would win the quidditch match and debating what bets to place on which team. Meanwhile, you lagged behind with Hermione and Ginny. When you were sure the twins couldn’t hear you, you leaned over to Hermione and whispered.

“Have you noticed anything different about them lately?” you nodded to the gang of boys ahead of you.

“Well...Harry did mention having a bad dream last night. And he woke up with his scar hurting. We’re not sure what it is but-”

“No I uh...I meant the twins,” You interrupted, shoving your hands in your pockets as you watched them walking ahead of you. Merlin, they had gotten taller, they were practically twice as tall as Ginny and had to walk with their heads ducked so they wouldn’t be hit by any passing branches. One of them (George, you could see the top of the ‘G’ on his jumper from underneath his jacket) was walking backwards. He caught on that you were watching him, and his face lit up before he stuck out his tongue. You waved back, but quickly turned back to Hermione, “Something just seems a little different.”

“Well they’re much taller than the end of last term, and I suppose their hair has gotten a bit longer since the last time you three would have seen each other,” she thought aloud.

“I’m well aware of that,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ear in hopes that your hand shielded any blush on your face.

“And they are quite excited about the match today, if that means anything,” she added, tilting her head, “But other than that I haven’t really been paying much attention. Why do you ask?” she turned to you, curiosity in her voice.

“They talked about you practically all summer,” Ginny butted in, “Every other thing they said was (y/n) this and (y/n) that,” She stood up as tall as she could and tried to copy their voice to the best of her ability, “Blimey, Freddie, I sure wish (y/n) was here. You know she would appreciate our refined taste. Oi Ron, (y/n) wrote to you, the least you could do is say hi back to her! Look everyone, (y/n) sent me a letter! (Y/n) sent me a letter! Did Eros stop by, mum?” she sighed, shaking her head, “You’d think you were the only person in the world! No offense, of course. They spoke about you like you were some great celebrity.”

“Did they really?” You asked, rather puzzled as you looked back up towards the twins. George turned around again and gave you an exaggerated wave, with Fred following suit.

Ginny picked up her pace to catch up with the others, but before Hermione could do the same, you grabbed her hand, “I walked in on George this morning.” You almost blurted out.

“What?” she asked, rather shocked. You shushed her before she had the chance to say anything louder and draw attention.

“It’s not like I did it on purpose” you said in your defense, “I just opened the door and he wasn’t wearing-”

“I don’t want to know!” she interrupted in a harsh whisper, but after a moment she asked quickly, “What happened after that?”

“I slammed the door shut and probably turned as red as a tomato. Then when I went back in he sort of awkwardly made a joke about it, but he didn’t seem too bothered? He just wasn’t wearing a shirt, so it could have been way more...you know…awkward.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Well that’s for sure. (y/n), I haven’t the slightest idea what to tell you. You know George better than I do and by the looks of it, he doesn’t seem to be the least bit bothered,” She started to pick up the pace of her walk to catch up with the rest of the group, and you did the same.

“Hurry up kids, we’re nearly there!” Mr. Weasely called out over his shoulder as he ducked under another branch, “Ah, Amos!”

A man who you assumed was Amos Diggory smiled and loudly greeted Mr. Weasley, the two of them talked and exchanged a brief conversation about the weather before you heard Mr. Weasley ask, “Where is your son? Cedric, right?”

Cedric. That’s where you had heard the name Diggory before. Griffyndors and Hufflepuffs shared a potions class last year, and the two of you had been assigned as partners. He was a rather nice boy, and although the two of you didn’t exactly become best friends, you always waved to each other when he passed you in the hallways.

After making his grand entrance of jumping down from a tree, he greeted everyone with a simple nod. It was then that you caught his eye and he jogged over to walk beside you.

“(y/n), I didn’t expect to see you here. What a pleasant surprise if you don’t mind my saying so,” he smiled, and you could have sworn you saw Hermione and Ginny give each other a look out of the corner of your eye.

You nodded, “Yeah, the Weasleys were nice enough to invite Harry and I. How has your summer been, Cedric?” You looked over at him, trying to ignore the twins entering a small shoving match a few feet away.

“Oh it was quite nice, and you?” Cedric was always so polite, and that had proved helpful in potions with Professor Snape. The class was by default unbearable; the cold and dark and dank dungeon, Professor Snape’s face always glaring down at you over your shoulder, his comments on your insufferable eagerness to learn magic, on most days having Cedric as your partner was what made the actual class time worthwhile.

“Ah yes, the dynamic potions-brewing duo reunited once again.” Fred interrupted, slinging his arms over you and Cedric’s shoulders, startling both of you.

“It’s nice to see you too, George,” Cedric smiled, looking rather ruffled by the surprise.

“That’s not George,” you corrected, swinging one arm over Fred’s shoulder and the other over George beside you, nodding your head in his direction, “this one’s George.”

Cedric looked over at you in casual awe, “how do you do it, (y/n)? How do you tell them apart?”

You pulled the three boys closer, throwing your head back with a laugh, “Well it takes some practice. But it’s actually quite simple, you see-”

“Hurry up now! All of you! Gather round, it’s almost time!” Mr. Weasley called out, getting the four of you to jog up to join the group gathered around an old boot. George turned his head to Cedric, but didn’t take his eyes off you, “Come now, Ced, a magician never reveals his tricks.”

You looked back at him, pressing your back to his chest to reach out and place your fingertips on the boot, “Georgie, we’re all magic.”

Before he could respond, you felt your whole body’s weight lurch forward and your feet leave the ground, gravity hooking around your abdomen as the group of you took off spinning. At one point, you felt you were going to go flying off away from everyone. George must have felt this two, and you felt his arm wrap around your waist and pull you closer. You thought you heard Mr Weasley shout for all of you to let go, and before you could process what it was he was saying, George let go of the boot. You felt him fly away and, with his arm still around you, you were yanked off with him.

The two of you landed with an oof, your back still pressed against George’s back. You could hear him groan from beneath you as you rolled off him and scrambled to your feet, turning back around and offering out a hand to help him up. He smiled weakly, squinting up in the bright light as he reached out and grabbed your hand.

You weren’t sure what to blame, his arms strong from playing beater for Quidditch the past four years, or how you were still dizzy from your ride through the portkey. But what you did know was one moment you were standing, offering to help him up, and the next he had pulled you back on top of him.

The two of you froze, not breaking eye contact. You could see the horror grow on his face and blush creeping up on his ears. And, by the feel of it, your face was about the same. Neither of you moved or said a word until you thought you overheard Fred groan and Cedric laugh from over to the side.

“Sorry!” He cried out, a bit embarrassed as he shoved you off him and got up to his feet, now offering his hand to pull you up, “Let’s try this again, shall we?”

You reached up, clearing your throat as you tried to not look flustered. You weren't quite prepared for how quickly he tugged your arm though. Once again the two of you found yourselves rather close, your chests pressed together from how quickly he pulled you up.

“Oi, you two!” Fred called from behind you, grabbing your hand and pulling you along with him, “We’re gonna lose the others if you two don’t stop rolling around in the grass.”

You slung your bag over your shoulder and jogged to keep up with Fred’s big steps. You could see the big goofy grin on his face and couldn’t help but laugh. You’d seen the twins excited over pranks, but this was a different kind of excited; innocent, wide-eyed, wholesome (or as wholesome as the twins could get). Watching his face strain from all his smiling, you couldn’t help but laugh. He looked down at you with a sort of glint in his eye you couldn’t remember seeing before and he let out a chuckle as he loosened his grip ongeo your hand and spun you around.

“I don’t suppose you’ve been to a quidditch match outside of school. Have you, (y/n)?” He asked, keeping his hand in yours and swinging your arms back and forth.

“No, I don’t suppose I have,” you answered, “but I can’t wait.”

[bbysamu]

It ain’t Me - a series   

✎ Featuring: KUROO Tetsurou x you 

✎ Now Playing:  It Ain’t Me by Kygo & Selena Gomez 

✎ Genre: Angst 

✎ Word Count: 1,573 

✎ Preview: You and Kuroo are high school sweethearts, you thought your love was as strong as whiskey, burning and sweet. What happens when adult Kuroo develops a bad habit of clubbing too frequently and you find it harder and harder to reach him? 

Ch. I 

Ch. II

Ch. III

Ch. IV

Ch. V

Epilogue

a/n: no underage drinking please, don’t hinder your brain growth

♫I had a dream We were sipping whiskey neat Highest floor, The Bowery And I was high enough♫ 

“shhh, you have to be quiet babe, we’re not exactly allowed up here”, your boyfriend whispered as he pulled you up, guiding you to the rooftop. You nodded, slowly steadying your breath. 

The dark sky was empty with the exception of the half covered moon and some stray stars. Today was you and Kuroo’s second anniversary, your relationship lasting much longer than typical high school romances. Kuroo had texted you today saying he had a surprise for you. 

And the said surprise was a late night picnic on the school’s rooftop surrounded by big fluffy pillows and dimly lit candles. 

“when did you have time to organize all these?” 

Kuroo smiled proudly, “I had the boys bring over some spare pillows and Lev and Kenma hauled them up here during their free period”. You smiled at the image of the two boys bringing up pillows to the roof, giggling at the thought of Kenma complaining as he climbed the stairs to the roof. You made a mental note to thank the two tomorrow. 

Kuroo gingerly picked up your hand and led you over to the picnic blanket. The two of you quickly settled down, his arms around your waist, as you laid your head on his shoulder, talking about both everything and nothing. 

Kuroo suddenly brought out a bottle of light honey liquid. 

“Happy 2 years to the love of my life.” He said, delicately pouring the golden liquid into a small glass.

“only one glass?” You raised your eyebrows.

“of course, you’re not 18 yet!” 

“I’m literally turning 18 next week and you just turned last week!” 

“exactly! no underage drinking in this relationship.” He smiled cheekily at you before taking a swing at the liquid. You laughed out loud at his expression.

“ew people actually like this stuff? my throat is literally on fire.”

“wait, let me try!” 

“okay.” 

And instead of handing you the glass, Kuroo leaned in. 

You smiled as his tongue met yours, giving you a taste of the sweet whiskey. 

And that’s how the both of you will always remember your second anniversary, the empty night sky and the sweet, burning taste of whiskey. 

In the years since high school graduation, the two of you have settled into a comfortable pace, no longer the young teenagers, but hardworking adults in a cruel society. The honeymoon period was a distant phase, but that didn’t mean the love between the two of you dwindled. 

You shot a quick text to Kuroo. His lack of response brought a frown to your face. You tried to call him for the third time, this time directly reaching his voicemail. You sighed at the thought of him pressed up against another body and glared at the laptop in front of you. 

Halfway across the town, Kuroo stepped into the dimly lit club in a pressed black button up and some black pants. He lived for nights like these, the mingled bodies on the dance floor and the beautiful ladies. 

Kuroo loves you and he’s been warned by Kenma a bunch of times but he just couldn’t help himself. Kuroo knew you hated the club but he could never bring himself to stop coming. Week after week, especially since you started being asked to work overtime, Kuroo found himself and some of the boys at the club, drinking and dancing with the girls in the short skirts and bodycon dresses. 

Yamamoto wolf-whistled at the sight of the girls walking by, “dang, look at that girl in the black mini”. 

Kuroo whipped his head around and checked out her long legs and low-cut dress before turning to Yamamoto, “I need a drink first”. 

Yamamoto shook his head knowing what this meant. A drink then another was what Kuroo needed to numb himself from the growing guilt eating him away every time he was at the club. With enough alcohol, Kuroo was always able to convince himself he did nothing wrong as he gripped the waist of another woman, his lips on hers. 

He winked at the bartender and a shot was served up. The burning, sweet liquid brought him back to that picnic on the rooftop. He shook his head, chasing away the memory and shot a smile at the girl in the back dress, before making his way over to her. 

♫Somewhere along the lines We stopped seeing eye to eye You were staying out all night And I had enough♫

It was a little past midnight when you made your way over to Kuroo’s apartment, spare key in hand. You knew he was probably at the club, but he promised he’d be home around midnight. Things have been tense between the two of you lately. You sighed at the memory of your fight last week. 

“What do you mean it was nothing?” You shouted, exasperated at the man sitting across from you. “She was all over you!” You sighed internally, tired of always fighting with Kuroo about his clubbing behavior. 

Kuroo shook his head, “babe, I told you, I literally pushed her away, but the video caught the seconds she came on to me before I could even react. I love you, you know that. Why would I ever want someone else?” Kuroo knew he had you by the way your eyes softened, he mentally winced at his lie, memories of making out with the woman fleeted by in his mind. He quickly pushed them away, the guilt barely lingering. Kuroo notices he’s better at doing that.  

“you’re the only one for me” He said pulling you into a hug, his words trying to convince himself more than you. Tired of fighting, you chose to believe him, after all who would you believe, your boyfriend of five years or a 10 second video? 

The turn of the knob brought you back to reality. You smiled at the thought of his surprised face when he comes home to you later. You quickly changed into one of his spare t-shirts and settled down in his bed. “12:30 am” your phone read before you drifted off to sleep. 

♫ No, I don't wanna know Where you been or where you're goin' But I know I won't be home And you'll be on your own ♫ 

The soft light of sunrise woke you up earlier than your alarm. Your body feeling unexpectedly light as you turn to face the empty space. You thought you would wake up to a Kuroo cuddling you. 

“6:27 am” and no notifications on your phone. You got up, unable to sleep anymore, anger and frustration bubbling at the lack of communication from your boyfriend. 

You look in his fridge, empty except for some leftover boxes. Despite your feelings of anger towards Kuroo, you made a mental note to bring over some groceries next time. You decided to make some tea, mindlessly scrolling through the news. 

A sudden click of the door got you looking up from your phone to see two figures, one unfamiliar, the other as familiar as the back of your hand. 

“You know we could just stay at my place. Why’d you have to insist on this weird coffee?” 

You knew exactly what coffee the female voice was referring to. It was the same one you got him from Vienna that time you studied abroad and he’s been hooked on Viennese coffee ever since. 

You heard his voice, “once you taste it, you won’t ever be able to go back I’m telling you”. 

“where’d you get it from?” 

The two figures stepped into the living room just as Kuroo answered, “oh, just from a frie...” he trailed off as you entered into his field of vision. 

The colors draining from his face, the same look of shock mirrored on your features. 

The woman came into view a second after, confused, “wait, who’s this?” 

The look on both of your faces and the tension in the air got her scrambling to the door embarrassed, mumbling a quick apology on her way out. 

Smart woman, you thought. 

You looked at each other in silence. You took him all in. The ruffled hair, the faint hickey on the side of his jaw, the same black button-ups he wore to the club yesterday. 

Kuroo did the same. You standing across the room, dwarfed in a shirt he bought at nationals, a thousand hurts and emotions in your big tired eyes. 

You broke the silence first, too shocked and hurt to even register what had happened five minutes again. 

“I’m leaving.” 

“Y/N wait...” he reached for your hand and pulled you close. You recoiled as soon as you smelled the cheap perfume intertwined with the same whiskey he’s taken a like to after high school. 

“please I can explain.” He search your eyes desperately. 

You shook his hands off yours and quickly gathered your stuff. 

“I’m leaving...”

He cut you off before you could finish, “yeah I heard the first time, please just give me a chance to explain.” 

“you.” 

The shook on his face made it hard to look at him. You cleared your throat. 

“I’m leaving you”. 

You rushed past him, but not before he caught the glimpse of tears running down your cheeks. 

You realized Kuroo was like a bad shot of whiskey, burning, yet all signs of the sweet aftertaste disappearing. 

[baguettehead]

Quarry days

Stan Uris x they/them reader

warnings: some curse words, richie tozer, lil bit of angst, possibly based off of real situations, lil bit of Reddie ;)

Summary: You’ve always had a thing for the brown eyes and mop of curly hair, the voice that made you melt like a Popsicle, but what if you added in scheming friends, darkness, missing gas, and maybe a turtle.

_____________________________________________________

   You had known the losers since 6th grade. That was the year your parents decided to make the move from Michigan to Derry, Main. You moved around a lot, and you weren’t even an army brat, your parents just seemed to enjoy hopping from place to place. Your parents owned their own business, all the work was mostly online so it was pretty easy to just up and leave. You were born in Washington state, lived their for a while, then you lived in California for a few years, Colorado for a singular year, Michigan, and now the shithole that is Derry, Maine.

    You had no idea why your parents chose Derry, there really wasn’t much here. A few nice shops, a pretty decent arcade, old people with sticks up their butts, and what you thought to be a normal group of neighborhood bullies.

    When you moved to Derry you had no one, and at this point you didn’t care enough to try and make friends, you didn’t know if you were staying long. After an tantalizingly long day of being forcefully introduced to classmates and eating lunch alone, in the library, you honestly just wanted a nap.

  Leaving the school you were suddenly pushed into the wall next to you, your bag thrown off your shoulder, and coming face to face with the wonderful scent of vodka and utter shit. Must be Bowers. He held you by the shoulder of your shirt with his right hand and with his left he put his forearm on your neck, effectively trapping you to the wall

  This was your first encounter with the infamous gang, but you’d heard about them from the few conversations you’d had with kids in classes and passing periods. Let’s just say, he was as disgusting as you’d heard. Has he ever tried a toothbrush before??

  “Look at this” he spoke, looking back to his gang of douchbags “Fresh meat” his goons laughed a little while you just rolled your eyes, you’d dealt with your fare share of bullies and asshats that you simply couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore

 “look” you said in an exasperated sigh “i don’t have cash, my mom packs my lunch”

  “well then” Bowers said “you’ll just have to pay me in another way darling” a disgusting grin overtook his face and his goons began laugh and cheer like they just took a shit on the toilet for the first time

  “i’m good” you spoke calmly as you attempted to leave his grasp. Bowers just stared down at you confused for a second before he snapped back into action and held you a little tighter

 “it wasn’t a question” he seethed through closed teeth

 “and i wasn’t giving a suggestion dipshit”

 Henry’s jaw tightened and you could practically see the anger bubbling inside him while his group of misfit toys got real quite

“now listen here you little bit-”

“no you listen asshole” you cut him off  “i don’t have time to deal with insecure little boys who didn’t get mommy’s attention as a child and now take it out on all those around him” you spoke quickly faking a pout and slowly worming your way out of his grip “your just some stuck up prick who relishes in the hurt of others because you are so hurt that your deranged little brain finds pleasure making other miserable so that you can fake happiness. News flash, hurting others won’t make you happy, you’ll always be an attention deprived, whiny ass child who probably won’t live past their 30′s, will definitely have a substance abuse issue, and even as a 15 year old attempts to drown his sorrows in vodka and punching kids smaller than him for fun” you finished your little rant, taking in a short breath “now” you continued, marveling at the befuddled looks on all their faces “i have a can of pepper spray in my back pocket and if one of you little rascal looking ass children comes any closer i’ll mace you in the face. Got it”

 As soon as you finished you slipped from his grasp and starting running like hell towards your house. You could hear him screaming profanities, and you knew you were now on his hit list, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to give a shit.

 Once you knew you were far enough, you knew he wouldn’t follow you but didn’t want to risk it, you sat on the curb to catch your breath. Almost immediately you saw 4 bikes coming around the corner, the occupants stopping in front of you and throwing their bikes down.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS INCREDIBLE”  the one with coke bottle glasses screamed at you practically screamed at you, you returned a weak smile

“H-h-he’s gonna f-f-fu-fucking kill you” another rushed out

 You shrugged your shoulders “ive got a at least a few days” you told them “i wounded his masculinity, gotta build that back up” you muttered

 “I can’t believe you did that” the one with the fanny pack stated as he started to pace in front of you “i mean, now bowers and his whole gang are gonna be on your ass” he stopped in front of you and made direct eye contact “your gonna have to watch for him at all times” he deadpanned and you grimaced a little bit

“don’t worry” coke bottle glasses spoke up again “bowers is always on our asses so we can show you the best place to avoid him”

 “a-and the hallways to a-a-avoid h-him” the dirty blonde spoke up

you smiled up at them “i’d actually quite like that”

“Then welcome to the losers club y/n” the forth boy spoke up as he held his hand out for you, the one with curly hair and amazing eyes. You had him in two of classes and he always seems to catch your eye. You took his hand and he helped you off the curb before they gave you their unofficial, official, tour of the town.

 After that you were practically glued to the four boys, you did everything with them now. And if it wasn’t all of them, you were with at east one practically at all times.

You told them about your moving adventures, even opening up about your constant fear that your parents are gonna pack up and leave forcing you to leave them, and earning Richie’s nickname for you Cali. For some reason Richie couldn’t seem to let go of the fact that you lived in California, asking questions about it whenever there was downtime, and telling you about his dream of living there one day and making it big. You always told him that he could do it, because you truly believed he could.

Soon Bev, Mike, and Ben joined the group, making it 8. You gained your ‘secret’ clubhouse, and Bill, Mike, Stan, and Richie all got their licences.

 Now its junior year, you’ve made it almost 5 years in Derry, and you’ve gained the closed friends you’ve ever had

_________________________________________________

“You guys wanna go to the quarry after school?” Richie asked, his mouth half full of turkey sandwich and pretty much yelling over all the noise in the cafeteria. You shuddered and watched as Eddie slapped his shoulder and scolded him for talking with his mouth open, Rich pouting like a child. You loved watching them, a knowing smile on your face.  

 “sounds like fun” Bev voiced “y/n and i just went swimsuit shopping and they looked killer in their suit” she smirked at you from down the table while you blushed and rolled your eyes

“i mean i’d prefer to see the suit on the floor but whatever your comfortable with” Richie commented

you threw a baby carrot at his face, which he caught in his mouth promoting cheers from the others and for you to dissolve into laughter

“i is s-s-s-supposed to be like n-n-ninety degrees today” Bill added in

“oh fuck that” you groaned as you lent your head on stand shoulder next you and continued munching on your carrots, missing how he smiled down at you

“quarry it is!” Richie exclaimed before everyone else fell back into their conversations

“sooooo” you heard Stan draw out from above you, moving your head to look up at him but leaving it resting on his shoulder “will i get to see this new suit you apparently look amazing in?” he questioned while wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way. You simply laughed, shoving his shoulder and telling him to shut up.

You’ve had a crush on Stan since 7th grade. You always thought he was attractive, like REALLY attractive, but after getting to know him and spending time together you knew you were fucked.

Bev has tried convincing you that he likes you back but, something in your brain just can’t accept it. She’s gone on and on about how ‘different’ he acts around you, how hes “not such a stuck up prick, he like, actually kinda nice and soft”, her words exactly. But, that was just the Stan you knew, the one you always saw. Caring, kind, funny, and enjoyable.

Bill drove you and Bev to her house, where your suits where from the last time you slept over like 4 days ago, and then took you both to the quarry. Once you got there you saw all the other cars and heard splashing and screaming.

“Those assholes went without us” Bev cried as she ripped the car door open, bolting for the cliff and immediately jumping off. You and Bill just laughed and sat there for a moment.

“r-ready m’lady?” Bill asked as he left the car and extended a hand for you

laughing, you took his hand “Of course good sir”

Bill was already in his trunks so after the short walk up the hill he plunged into the water , full cannonball, soaking almost everyone except Mike who swam out of the way. You watched from the top, laughing as they splashed each other back and forth. Sometimes it was nice to just watch their antics and relish in the moment.

“you coming sweet cheeks” Richie yelled up to effectively drawing every ones attention you

You blushed at the sudden attention “Whatever Tozier” you yelled back before you began stripping down to your swim suit.

Unbeknownst to you at the top of the cliff, you had some effect on poor Stan down in the water. He sat with his eyes glued to you as you exposed more and more skin. He’s seen you in a swimsuit before, hell he’s even seen you in your panties, but every time it still manages to make his mouth go dry and eyes widen.

“They’ll catch you drooling if you stare too long” Richie quipped with a smirk

“Shut it Tozier” he murmured lowering into the water to hide his blush right as you jumped from the cliff.

The eight of you spent hours in the water. Chicken fights, splash wars, and Richie attempting to dunk you, Bill even found a turtle which he claimed meant good luck. You only got out of the water for a bit to dry off before leaving. You and Bev lie on the rocks to dry off and maybe tan, that was, before Mike carried a bucket of water over and splashed you both with started yet another splash war. You finally got out when the sun started to set. You sat around and talked, told stories, before you had to leave. You were all still pretty wet but you didn’t care.

Stan had offered you a ride earlier and you happily agreed, knowing you’d get some alone time with him and ice cream if you begged hard enough.

You layed back on the rocks, to watch the sunset and see the stars starting to pop out.

“alright were heading out” Richie suddenly said

 Mike had already left, taking Ben with him due to their stricter curfews. But Rich was taking Eddie and Bill Bev.

“What, why?” Stan said, narrowing his eyes as if he knew they were plotting something

“j-just tired is all” Bill replied casually before he began walking to his car

“bye” Eddie chimed in

“Bye Edds!” you called back

“wait why can she call you that” Rich argued walking side by side with Eddie

“cause i actually like them” He replied casually with a shrug

Richie just huffed and pouted like a child before Eddie nudged his shoulder and he was all smiley again

“See you at school” Bev called, sending a wink in your direction which you replied to with an eye roll

As they walked towards their cars and began to drive away Stan turned towards you “That was suspicious right?”

“completely” you replied climbing down from the rock you previously lied on

“Okay good, it wasn’t just me” he said with a sigh

You laughed a bit “But when are they not suspicious?”

“You got me there” he said before he leaned back on the rock behind him

You crawled over to sit next to him, laying your head on his shoulder and just admiring the sunset. You both sat like that for a while, surrounded by comfortable silence.

One thing about Derry was that no matter how hot the days were the nights seemed to always be freezing, accompanied by wind. You crossed your arms over yourself in hopes of generating more body heat.

“Are you cold” Stan asked taking notice of your shivering form

“Just a bit” you answered not wanting to ruin the comfortable bubble you’d found yourselves in

“i have a blanket in my car” he started to stand up only for you to groan and cling on to his arm. Laughing, he sat back down and you cuddled into his side.

“you’ll catch a cold babe come on” you blushed at the pet name and melted even further into his side when he started combing through your hair with his fingers. Noticing that you weren’t going to budge he huffed a bit, though, he didn’t want to move either.

“I’ll get you ice cream” he sighed

You bounced up with a goofy grin on your face, pulling his hand towards the car

“Lets not waste time” you started “i’m in critical condition, need creamed ice immediately” you feigned sick with a hand to your forehead and pouty eyes. He only laughed, getting up and heading to the car, his hand never leaving yours as you walked to the car.

“what the fuck” he muttered as you reached the car

Tucked under the windshield wiper of his car was a note that said ‘use protection’, clearly in Richies handwriting, and a roll of condoms

You blushed lightly, giggling a bit. Stan looked to with a puzzled expression on his face “i don’t know” you shrugged trying to prove your innocence.

“I don’t understand half the things he does” you comment as you climb into the passengers seat

“does anyone?” he questions with a laugh

Stan throws the note and condoms into the center console before starting up the car. Your bouncing in your seat, the anticipation of ice cream making you giddy and Stan laughs at that. Well, the car doesn’t start. Stan tried multiple times, clearly getting frustrated

“uh Stan” you try and grab his attention, it works, anytime you talk Stan always has his full attention on you. You point towards the gas meter, which displays empty.

 “I literally got fucking gas on the way here what the fuck” he exclaims as he gets out of the car, you follow. You see him stop and stare at the gas tank opening

“what?” you question before reaching the other side of the car and falling silent

Right below the gas tank, on the ground, lays a rubber pipe.

“Did they fucking siphon my gas?!” He yells

You stand there for a moment longer, staring at the gas lined pipe, before you break out into hysterical laughter. The pure kind that comes from the belly and leaves you gasping for air with side cramps

“its not funny” he yells

you try to talk but it just dissolves into more hysterics and soon enough Stan is laughing with you, your laugh is just contagious and your radiant smile that could light up the entire galaxy never fail to make him follow along.

After you both calm down, clutching your bellies, you break the silence

“so, what do we do now?” you look over to Stan who’s sitting next to you on the curb

“i guess i’ll call Rich and have him come pick us up” you nod

He stands up, pulling out his phone and calling Rich. You sort of zone out, guess you were more tired than you thought, but your brought back to earth by Stan yelling into the phone. All you could catch was

“what?! No! Hey no no no” and “Fucking asshole” as he ended the call. You new what was coming but you asked anyways

“so?”

“He said hes not coming” Stan sighed in defeat as he sat next to you and lied his head on your shoulder. Your hand immediately immersed itself in his hair, gently scratching his scalp and brushing through his curls. You sighed wondering how the fuck you were gonna get out of this one.

“what about Mike and Bill?” you questioned

“in on it” he sighed out and you hummed in response. You both sat there for a moment, in comfortable silence, trying to calm Stan down.

“did he say anything els-”

“do you like me?” Stan’s head rose from your shoulder, looking you in the eyes and cutting off your sentence. You felt your mouth go dry, eyes widening, cheeks getting hot and probably bright red.

“i- uh- well” you stuttered out, really having no clue how to answer that question

“I mean” he started, sighing and nervously running a hand through his head of wild curls “not in a …. friends way” he finished slowly, meeting your eyes

He had a blush of his own covering his cheeks and his marvelous brown eyes danced all over your face as if looking for the answer there. You sat there staring at him for what felt like forever, running over your choices. Just as the though of running away and joining the circus came into your mind you felt a surge of confidence and smashed your lips into his.

He tasted like mint, salt, and something you could only describe as Stan.

Your lips moved together perfectly, dancing around each other in the best dance you’d ever preformed. Teeth hitting teeth as the years of desperation and pining were finally put to a rest. His arms snaked around your waist, pulling you into his lap to straddle him, as yours wound around his neck and wove into his hair.

You both pulled away panting. His lips barely leaving yours, still ghosting over them like a precursor for whats to come. You stared into his eyes, you could get lost in those brown orbs so easily, drowning hopelessly in their beauty and dying happily. Stan was the first to break the silence

“yes?” he questioned

you threw your head back and laughed heartily. The sight alone made him melt in your hands and the sound dug his grave. The brilliant smile you flashed him afterwards felt like the afterlife and when you leaned down to capture his lips one again he knew he was in heaven.

“yes” you breathed as you pulled away from him, as difficult as it was

Stan smiled so brightly and let out a little cheer before falling right back into your lips and kissing you more passionately than anyone ever has and you doubt anyone ever will. There you sat, Straddling Stanley Uris in an empty parking and kissing him until you were gasping for breath.

You pulled away from Stan, leaning your forehead on his, pressed into his chest, barely inches away. He leaned up and peppered your face in small kissing causing you to break into giggles.

“I love you y/n y/l/n” he spoke softly into the night air

You stared into his chocolate eyes, in complete euphoria

“I love you too Stanley Uris” you told him with the most confidence you have ever had in a statement.

[sanstropfremir]

episode 9 baby!!! dear lord that was a lot!!

frankly, i'm still in shock that i full on manifested an opera stage, AND it was a rock opera stage at that! plus i got a jazz stage AND a taemin stage??? if they’re pulling out all my favourites now then what on earth are they gonna do in the finale??? this was a very overwhelming crop of stages, i thought i was going to be prepared, but oh no i was not prepared. i'm just going to get right into it because this one is gonna be long and i have many words. i'll discuss in airing order first, and then put my personal rankings for this round at the end.

btob

costume

changsub, you absolute king. spectacular. stunning. incredible. zoot suit riot playing in my brain on repeat. will i finally get the zoot suit revival of my fucking dreams instead of this current drab ill-fitting suit trend? for those who are wondering why in the fuck changsub is dressed like that and what on earth i’m talking about, the specific cut of suit that he’s wearing is called a zoot suit, which were popular in mexican, black and italian american communities in the 30s and 40s, until they were outlawed by the united states war production board as a fabric rationing method as part of the war effort in 1942. there was a huge amount of mob violence surrrounding the wearing of them (there were actual zoot suit riots) as they were direct counter culture fashion to the predominant drab trends of white americans at the time. i'm actually very impressed they got a proper (modernized) cut of zoot suit instead of just putting him in an oversized one; there are actually specific structural differences. the pegged trouser legs, large should pads, and knee length single breasted jacket are key features, and they were often in much more flashy fabrics than a pinstripe, but they get points for effort. i wish they had put all of them in zoot suits but he’s playing the ‘lead’ actor so i will begrudgingly forgive them.

eunkwang those are the stupidest sleeve garters ive ever seen i love them never take them off. they’re like someone decided to repurpose a suspender in the worst way. excellent. i do love that they’ve got three of them in oxford saddle shoes, another great touch.

love the three piece and the fedora* on peniel. it's also in a relatively close period cut; waistcoasts (vests) were generally cut much higher in the neck pre-war, we only start seeing the neckline slide down in the 60s (i think? i don’t remember when exactly). also love to see a proper sleeve and jacket length, it's good practice to have at least a finger’s width of sleeve cuff visible ahead of the jacket sleeve when hanging at rest. also looks like there’s french cuffs on everyone, which is also great.

minhyuk in his slutty lowneck shirt....thank you. in addition to the zoot suit revival i would also like a revival of those ultra low necklines on mens’ shirts from like 2010-2011. i don’t think those are the same boots from the backdoor stage but those are some beautifully cut boots. i also loved the little details of his crewmember look, especially the chunky watch and the string bracelets; those are super realistic, i know so many crew with them and i had several for many years. and who doesn’t love a visible button fly?

none of any of the other costumes are period in any way shape or form but i’m forgiving it because there’s several layers of meta in this stage, and they explicitly based it on la la land, even though we don’t respect la la land in this house. do i wish they had gone more strictly period with at least the jazz club ‘actors’ a little more? absolutely, but i'm not mad about it.

set

again we’ve got a good delineation of the two different ‘stages,’ there’s the club itself in the smaller stage and the soundstage set in the larger space. you can pretty clearly see all the ‘pieces’ of the set on the soundstage, especially the obvious set painting techniques on false prosc frame and the window facade from that first little scene. also the you can see the castors (wheels) on all the setpieces too, which is another nice little versimilitudinous** (triple word score!) touch, as old hollywood movies were made still using theatre stagecraft techniques.

i love how the visual shorthand for ‘this is a set wink wonk’ is just...leaving a ladder on stage. i see it all the time and it's so funny. it doesn’t always make sense because as soon as there’s actors on set the ladders are the first thing cleared because actors cannot be trusted, but yes there are always ladders, so. also psa ladder safety is no joke, please be careful on ladders.

nice streamline of the mnet deco into the club. i’m consistently surprised at how well the designers have been able to mask it or use it to their advantage, because in the normal kingdom stage lighting it is SO obvious and stylistic that it always sticks out.

i'm going to ignore the fact that they implied changsub and miyeon were drinking wine out of martini glasses.

lighting

no complaints, it does its job. everything is visible and super clear. love that the ‘scene’ changes are made through the lighting, it's a really simple and effective device to change atmosphere. purple/blue/amber are the most flattering colours on human skin and that’s why you see it so commonly in stage lighting. also blue/lavendar is the best way to show nighttime/moonlight.

really nice and subtle projection work, especially with the billboard bit and the blue moon sign in the club. despite being obviously meta/’world breaking’ it’s actually very seamless and fits well into the flow of the stage.

sound

i love love love the big band feel in the intro, combined with the piano lead. very duke ellington, as all things should be.

no complaints. i love big band. i love eunkwang’s voice. i have nothing else to say.

staging

i LOVE this movie within a movie within a performance meta nonsense! it's such a fun concept and it is exactly what i wanted ikon’s first round stage to be! i also love to see btob consistently coming up with concepts that are inventive and fun and allow them to showcase their technical performance skills without the aerobics the younger groups are putting themselves through. it provides a really lovely variety and it just goes to show that you can make impressive, dramatic stages without having to be serious or ‘dark.’

i do wish they had leaned into the band director/lead singer with eunkwang a bit more; this could have been a really excellent place for a tap number a la the nicholas brothers or an homage to cab calloway. i know i know this was meant to be la la land themed but la la land is a cheap and whitewashed version of jazz and look me right in the eyes and tell me this isn’t the greatest tap routine of all time. i know i’ve typed this out somewhere before but la la land is just a conglomeration of old hollywood tropes and so stylistically cheap that this would have such a better visual core if they had actually looked back at the real old hollywood musicals like stormy weather. even singing in the rain and an american in paris have such phenomenal visuals and are really beautiful examples of the scope you can pull off with a limited technical capacity and sticking to these old techniques.

now that i'm thinking about it, oh my GOD i would DIE for a lindy hop routine in kpop PLEASE. i know it would never happen because kpop doesn’t like partner dancing and not a single kpop boy has the chops but oh you think fourth gen has too many acrobatics?

this got off track but i think you see my point.

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ateez

costume

these are really sharply cut suits. and the detail work on the beading??? so beautiful. i'm disappointed that they gave me a rock opera stage without the true ridiculousness of rock opera costuming, because they could have pushed this a lot farther if they really wanted. a tragic lack of gay little outfits, seonghwa’s lace choker is just not enough! two favourite suits: hongjoong’s and yunho’s.

that being said i do actually really like these. this stage is actually very modern opera with a kpop twist and i'm a little surprised by that? i continue to be impressed by the ateez team who are clearly doing their research.

i'm absolutely not going back through their stages to check all the choreography but i wonder if you can track all the ‘wound’ placements to places they’ve been ‘hit.’ i wouldn’t put it past them to have put that thought in but also i’m not expecting that much either.

who is this white grim reaper bdsm executioner chain arm man. where did he come from. i have no idea and i love it.

why is honjoong blindfolded. it was such a fast beat, if youre gonna blindfold someone give it a little longer and some more obvious narrative weight!

seonghwa does that quickchange, runs across that massive stage to the smaller set, and gets into places in like 45 seconds. it's not the hardest quickchange in the world but still, under a minute is fast for any quickchange, especially when there’s travel time involved. i think the fastest, most complex quickchange i ever did was in university which was a 50s cocktail dress into a flannel and culottes with a shoe, hair, and jewelry change in 35 seconds. and that took three dressers. quickchanges are always impressive. the added bonus of this review being later is that i can specifically reference that you can see him book it the fuck off stage in the full cam!

cute moment with the backup dancers dressed in costumes from the previous stages. i'm assuming this is a time travel reference? i'll get more into my thoughts on this in the staging section. regardless, love to see that iconic seonghwa moment again.

set

this is such a restricted space! they really pared down their dancing space with those staircases and ....arms? honestly i have NO clue what these are supposed to be. the only thing i can maybe think of is flying buttresses??? but why?? i mean, i'm 90% sure theyre just there for drama and i agree but i do still have questions.

there’s a lot of moving parts in this set? the buttresses, and the upstage centre staircase. i don’t think the staircase is totally automated because i spotted some dancers securing it in place, but it’s still a moving part. i do really like that we get that expanding upwards energy, because it's really tough to get functional level movement in this kind of a performance, mostly because of its length and because it moves so quickly. so seeing the downward vertical movement and then the upward movement was actually a really nice visual contrast that made use of how tall those fucking ceilings are, and the fact that they had less horizontal space. in sort of similar way to sf9’s jealousy stage, using long, narrow vertical lines really makes it feel like a castle space. the interiors of castles, especially the really old ones, are a lot smaller than you think they would be.

i’ve actually seen that type of small house/tent/thing several times in various types of performances before, but i think this is the first time i’ve seen it used as a time travel device (other than in the say my name mv). aesthetically it's a bit incongruent but i dont really mind because i'm used to watching rock operas that look a lot weirder than this.

lighting

there is so much happening. i have NO clue what the projections are doing. i dont hate it though, so that’s a plus? there’s a clear-ish colour arc even if it does get a bit funky in the middle, which is why the projections dont feel as insanely distracting as some of the other stages we’ve seen.

the climax is a perfect example of how to light a busy stage with primarily red but still maintain clarity on the performers. a little bit of red goes a long way; the spark stage from last week would have looked so much better if they had done what the ateez designers did here.

sound

i know it's only ode to joy, but answer already gets my motor running and then i get so gassed by the guitars and then by the time those vocals come in i'm inconsolable. i don’t know why i wasn’t expecting a rock opera stage but i'm so glad i got that surprise because i genuinely love rock operas so much. it's two of the most dramatic genres in music, what more could you possibly want?

staging

the choreo for answer is so goofy that I'm kinda glad this was mostly terrible mnet boom shots. i love it, but you can't deny that it's goofy. i spotted a couple of moves from their other choreos as well?

choreographing dance fights is just as difficult as choreographing real fights and i think they did a fairly good job here. i think it was a solid mix of dance and conflict that erred on the side of dramatic rather than accurate and i prefer that over trying to be ‘realistic.’ i’ve only ever seen one truly realistic fight scene on stage and that was for a deeply naturalist play (boring and a waste of the medium), but the best fight scene i’ve ever seen was in the prague national ballet’s adaptation of kafka’s the trial where three ballet dancers beat the absolute snot out of the main character with the most beautiful leg extensions. that whole show was probably one of the best pieces of dance i’ve ever seen, holy fuck it was so good.

despite how insane the music and the visuals were going, i actually really liked how sedate this was, on the part of ateez’s performance. there was a really sophisticated and resigned energy from them that is very different from what we’ve previously seen and i think that was a pretty admirable risk to take. reaching the top and then throwing away the crown? especially in a competition where every other stage has involved stealing crowns or royalty and there’s a group competing that got here through that very concept? that shows a real maturity, peace of mind, and foresight that i did not at all expect from a bunch of 22 year olds.

here we come to a very interesting comparison. both ateez and tbz are very heavily leaning on previously established group lore. we all know my thoughts on why it isn’t working for tbz, but here’s why i think it is working for ateez: it's because it doesn’t matter to the audience’s understanding of the stage. i had absolutely no fucking clue what was going on the first time i watched this, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the music and all the weird shit they were doing. i totally believed that they understood what was going on. there’s a loose enough established conflict right at the beginning that draws us in, and really it doesn’t matter who they're fighting because they win in the end. the key here is that they’re so earnest. they believe 100% in every move they make on that stage. there’s no winks to camera, there’s not a drop of irony. they really deeply care about the ridiculousness of it all and that’s what makes it work. i sure as fuck dont know what’s going on, but i can see that they do, and i trust that. this is what i meant when i talked about convincing the audience you belong on stage in my stage presence post. i’ve never once believed that juyeon was anything other than an idol. he’s talented and very beautiful and he may occasionally stand on that stage like he owns it but it's always as juyeon. as an idol. but when hongjoong flaps around in that gigantic fur coat i 100% believe he’s a pirate captain. I believe he’s a punk rebel leader. i believe him a resigned king. there’s always a level of irony you have to fight as a performer because we all start from a place of disbelief. acting is not just lying to the audience, it's lying to yourself too. and if you succeed in convincing yourself? well, you’re already halfway to convincing us.

i checked it out because i wanted to see if they did the blindfold how i expected them to and was genuinely surprised by hongjoong’s fancam. the boy is EMOTING even when he knew the camera wasn’t on him; that’s a real dedication to craft.

ok i'm finished talking about this stage, this is over two pages in my document, there’s so many things i have not covered here but that’s fine, i'm quite sure any further thoughts will end up out there at some point.

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sf9

costume

let’s get it out of the way......crop top. crop top? crop top. crop top.

ok, besides the crop top, i think i might actually like the backup dancer outfits more...? i find mannequin adjacent looks really fascinating and i thought there was a lot more they could have done here in connecting the two thematically. i actually think a change of costume on the boys would have been very interesting, especially because there was a lot of inference and direct reference to changes of colour.

ALL the backup dancers are wearing the same wig and i LOVE that.

special mention zuho’s.....jacket? the right idea but it absolutely should have been one of those extreme french cut bodysuits, you COWARDS. don’t come at me with this ‘male version of venus’ if you don’t have your whole torso out! come on!

set

not sure if this is meant to be a department store, a factory, or a white cube gallery. honestly you could make the case that they’re all the same place anyways. more on this later.

i loved the movator and wish they had used it more! that sequence was so good and they could have done some more interesting repetition sequences to further highlight the ‘sameness’/the breaking of that sameness.

i feel like the set could have been used more as a whole? i would have loved to see some mannequin interactions with those boxes, because all they did was dump colour everywhere.

....why did they feel the need to include the rain bit? i know it's likely because it's in the mv and at the 2018 dream concert taemin does perform move in the rain, but with the standing still and the box walls with the words it just looks like a department store ad. which i...dont think is what they were intending?

lighting

nothing really to say here. it has a similar feel to the mayfly rap stage, which is fine because the lighting for that was good. i could tell what was going on all the time and that’s the most important part. notable standouts are the lips sequence, that's fun use of pop iconography and very effective, and the scanning lasers at the beginning.

the repeating sequence in the edm dance break is actually done pretty simply, it's just what happens when you point a camera that’s livestreaming to a monitor directly at that monitor. it's a very cool effect and it was neat to see it used intentionally, especially with the handheld leds.

actually i also really liked the lightbox tables, those were cool.

sound

the remix was fine for the most part, it was about what i expected it to sound like. i did however greatly dislike that unnecessary edm break in the middle. what was the point of that? it didn’t add anything to the overall sound or arc of the stage because it was SO out of place. there was no connective tissue around it.

oh i was also not a fan of the effect on zuho’s mic. no one else had a discernible vocal effect so it felt a little out of place. also for some reason his cadence and tone right at the end made me think of some of the voices that bo burnam uses for his vocal masque sketches/songs, especially repeat stuff, weirdly? took me right the fuck out of it. i listened to it again after i slept and i’m still getting it, so maybe i’m just going insane so best ignore this part.

staging

loved the mannequin tree, not a clue why it was there.

do actually think this is a successful cover because it does what i was hoping it would, which is take move completely out of the taemin context and put it into an entirely new one. however, i’m really struggling to figure out what exactly that new context is? and what theyre trying to say with it?

obviously they went for a ‘show your own colours/individuality’ vibe, like i said in the set section, where exactly is this supposed to be? from the start i get factory/mechanized environment, which is fine and grand because mannequins and making repetitive motions and products and all that, makes sense. but then there’s stacked shelving type units happening and curtains and that combined with the mannequins give me pretty big department store vibes, which is also fine, because that’s still a comment on commercialization and the mass production of product. but then we get to the movator and the repetitive movements of the dancers say pretty clearly factory, but the lighting and projections are very pop art referential, plus combining that with the white set, just makes me think of an art gallery. so now is this a comment on the commercialization and commidification of contemporary art? are they making a statement about being ‘real’ artists among the others who have lost the critical understanding of why pop art was even a thing in the first place? and then the rain bit at the end literally looks like a department store ad, so are they then making another statement that they still are that packaged product? maybe the episode has more clarity in it but i’m genuinely a bit baffled by what the underlying statement is here.

i suspect it is not as deep as i'm making it, but i did say that i was likely to be hyper critical of this stage AND i am a grad student, so here we are.

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tbz

costume

ok of all the ‘fourth gen’ style costumes we’ve seen, i actually like these ones more than most. i'm not entirely clear on the theme but i'm assuming it's meant to be post apocalyptic, and i'll take that.

backup dancers in black!!! we’re beyond this!!!

this will be a running theme with this stage, but i’m disappointed these don’t have more depth.

set

compared to every other stage, the set here seems especially plain. there’s so little set dec that it's disappointing. i do like the movement of the pieces themselves combined with the blocking; that first slide underneath the arches was slick and i would have liked to have seen more of that.

yea ok the big snake was cool and also a fairly complex build, but the transitions around it were a bit awkward for my tastes. especially the turn around, why did they even show that at all? you have control over what the audience sees, you can totally not show scenic transitions. skz were super smart about hiding theirs in last week’s episode.

also if you have a bigass puppet like that, i wanna see some more movement from it! it doesn’t have to be complex, we literally just saw a kraken balloon arm wave around aimlessly, but at least there was movement! that snake had a long ass body, why didn’t they at least take a pseudo dragon dance movement with it, that would have been such fun to watch with the iridescent scales. there was a lot of opportunity here!

lighting

i don’t hate it but also.... not a lot to say about it on the whole.

there were two really smart ideas here, the first being the front projection section, which i was SO glad to see! i explained in a previous review, but the projections in kingdom are not actually projections per se, because they’re actually massive led screens. there are two common types of projections in performance, rear projection and front projection. rear projection is when the projector is behind the screen, and front projection is ‘normal’ projection. rear projection can produce a crisper image because you have full control of the light values, because the projector is in a separate room from the performance space. but the downsides are that the projector has to be in a separate room from the performance space. so if you’re short on real estate, it's not ideal. front projection is much more common, because the tech is a lot cheaper and easier to access, especially now, and it requires less real estate because you can ceiling mount about the audience (you can move a projector wherever, this is just the most common spot in commercial theatres). but! in order to get an actually crisp image, you have to be really careful with your light bounce. it’s exactly the same principle as how you kinda can't see a projected screen when you have all the lights turned on, but when you turn them off it's a lot clearer. front projection works best in pitch dark, so when you use it in a theatre you gotta be smart about it. i use front projection a lot in my personal art practice as a singular light source, and that’s what tbz did here in that traveling/snake intro sequence. it’s a really fun technique that they used as a good gimmick because it’s not something we’ve seen before, and you get some great shadow effects because the projector is throwing light directionally at the performers (they have it set up close to the floor, it’s probably on a wheeled cart of some kind). however i did not like the snake intro. a bit too cheesy and out of place, especially because the asset quality didn’t match the rest of landscapes that we have been seeing.

the second smart idea, which is partially also a set and blocking thing but whatever, was that final image of the eclipse within the circle architecture with all the members standing in front of it. it was a great shot and a great ending pose, but it felt like a concept photo. like someone had that image as the idea that they then built the stage around, instead of a narrative first and then imagery after.

sound

this remix had SO much promise! those first two minutes were SO GOOD. i love that dirty discordant strings bit, it's gross and right up my alley. but it really fell off in the back half and i'm sad about that.

staging

i'm sorry tbz but.....what did you actually do differently than exo here? with the exception of the continual game of thrones references? nothing here felt transcendentally different from the original monster. and especially coming RIGHT after sf9’s move, which did go beyond its original context. this feels more like an awards show stage cover than a stage at the level of the others we’ve seen just this episode.

again like with the skz stage, there’s no conflict here. no tension. yes they do a great job covering the dance but it just isn’t enough! this is obviously personal preference and i'm sure lots of people liked the fact that it was uncomplicated, but even just a hint of narrative tension could have pushed this into more engaging territory. and if they didn’t want to do that, i would have loved to see them make up for that with extra visual spectacle. this is the no limits round! ikon is putting a full jungle on stage and these are grey cubes!

i think this is a perfect example of what i talked about at the end of my tbz section in my episode four review; this is a good performance, there are good elements at play and good ideas at their genesis, but the core of the issue is that nothing about this is transformative. all of the ideas here are just exaggerations of the original song. fuck, the snake was even IN the mv! and they didn’t even include the best part which is the lip chains! ive said before and i'll say it again; being a good artist has two steps, the first is understanding the material and its context, and the second is elevating the material from that context and synthesizing something new. tbz are really good at the first step, but terrible at the second.

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ranking

btob - the cleanest and the most fun of the round. everything i wanted.

sf9 - fun and a good cover, despite being conceptually baffling.

ateez - very extra dramatic nonsense with an unexpected dose of sincerity. and it’s rock opera, of course i love it.

skz - fun, with some good thematic devices but generally lacking in arc. also australian accents, that’s an automatic ding.

tbz - honestly the first two minutes of the remix and the costume are holding this above 6th. it just wasn’t fully formed.

ikon - aesthetically this is a great set design and although i do love the opening and closing moments, everything else scrapes me the wrong way. super personal preference here, i’m not expecting anyone else to agree with me.

i feel like my rankings were probably pretty easy to guess if you’ve been around reading the reviews for long enough. i do have very specific tastes after all. i know sf9 ranked first in the episode but i have no idea what the other slots are. i’ll find out when i watch the episode in a couple of days, but i think yea a first for sf9 is fair. i do think its mostly because it’s a taemin song and you have to do something horrendous in order to fuck up a taemin song, but there is a lot of thought and work that went into that stage.

ok i'm done now, sorry this was later than usual, but i was busier and there were four stages that i had to review. also technical difficulties because tumblr is a garbage platform and nothing works properly. comments/questions/opinions always welcome, i know i didn't expand on a couple of points that i could have so hopefully y'all have some thoughts too!

* the type of hat that ~society~ has told you is a fedora is actually a trilby. what peniel is wearing is a real fedora, i felt the need to correct this unjust hat malignment.

** meaning ‘the appearance of being true or real.’ you do sometimes hear it used by normal people, but it’s more commonly used as a descriptor in film and theatre. it’s also one of the five rules of neoclassical theatre, which are: versimilitude, purity of form, five act structure, decorum, and purpose. the most prominent playwrights from that era are moliere and racine if youre interested in what those look like in an actual text.

[jossambird]

Saturday Morning

Axel x Female Reader on her Period

BLOOD WARNING! 18+ !! (Dedicated to my dear Salt Anon, who was absolutely disgusted at the recent talk on my blog, saying I shouldn't be ‘tainting’ the Swedes like this, BUT HERE WE ARE.)

Saturday mornings in Axel’s book were always the best.

He could finally enjoy true peace and quiet, knowing that you and his brothers were peacefully sleeping in late in each of your rooms, leaving only him and the cats to be awake.

Today, as he woke, the sound of the shower already running grabbed his attention. He instantly felt his mood sour, a bit miffed to not have his quiet morning alone.

Hadn’t he told Otto and Oscar that on Saturday mornings, he wanted to enjoy them alone, in silence? Of course, he would never hold it against them if they were sick, but the soft humming that could almost be missed if you didn’t pay attention didn’t seem to be coming from someone being sick.

Axel sighed, rough fingers pulling on a pair of joggings and a shirt, determined to go give either of his brothers a piece of his mind.

The moment he stood before the door, stopping for only but a moment to try and listen once more who it was behind it, he stared at the white painted wood, regretting waking up altogether.

It hadn’t been humming at all. Soft moans sounded out through the hard wood, your voice reaching his ears like a moth to a flame. The sounds were more sensual than he had ever imagined. Axel felt hot and desperate shame lick at his heart as his insides churned, heat pooling in his groin.

Too many times had he dreamed of you, sprawled out on his bed, clothes abandoned all over the house and soft hands seeking him out, begging to be fucked. Too many times had you touched him innocently, his skin remaining on fire for hours on end until he disappeared in his room, jerking himself off until he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood.

Too many mornings had he relieved himself before stepping out of his room, never able to meet your gaze those particular days. The eldest Swede felt like he was under a curse, hypnotized daily by your presence.

He couldn’t say with certainty how badly he had wished for you to truly know, simply to read his mind and tell him you wanted him just the same, but you never did. And he, cold and grumpy, yearned for you from afar, silent, watching as you cuddled and hugged his brothers freely.

But as Axel stood, listening to your moans of pleasure through the bathroom door, he froze, wondering what the right course of action was.

Leave and let you finish yourself off?

Pretend he hadn’t heard you, as if nothing happened?

Walk inside and show you what you were missing?

His body reacted before he could think any longer on the matter, hand reaching for the handle and twisting it open, allowing him to witness you in all of your amazing glory.

In all honesty, Axel was hardly surprised at this point as he groaned loudly by accident, watching you freeze and whip around inside the clear shower, panting, fingers deep inside your pussy, blood trickling down your legs, mixing with the shower water.

Neither of you moved except for the rapid breaths you took, eyes moving down his front-

“Either get in and help, or get out.” You panted in the running shower, eyes closing as your fingers resumed their careful ministrations and entering your core once more, a filthy moan exiting you as Axel watched from the doorway stupefied.

The thought crossed your mind suddenly to simply tell him to get out and that you would be done soon, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to say it, the vicious throb between your legs begging to be sated, begging for the handsome man to touch you.

The ache was terrible, a blazing heat coursing through your veins and body, needing to explode but not being able to. It was always like this when you had your period. Usually, you were able to hide your horniness from the Swedes during the day, but come nighttime, you practically fucked yourself to sleep each night, biting your unoccupied hand to hide your noises from them.

But last night? Nothing had worked, nothing had allowed you to feel the satisfying release you needed, your body growing even more tense and needy as you had imagined Axel waking in not too long.

And here you now stood, shower water running down your heated skin, fingers pounding into your aching core as the eldest of the Swedish Triplets watched you in... what is horror? Disgust? You didn’t want to know-

The bathroom door shut behind you, disappointment coursing through you momentarily until you heard Axel lock the door behind him.

“How long have you been in here?” Axel asked you as he ripped his shirt off, flinging it onto the counter with your own sleep top, eyes never leaving you. You groaned in response, pushing your cheek into the cold tiles once more to hide your blush.

“Too long.. ugh please Axel, help me.” You begged, the words waking a dominant lust inside him as he wondered if you were simply settling for his help. Would you have offered Oscar this opportunity to satisfy your body and needs if it had been him to find you like this? Would you have offered it to Otto, his gentle brother who always smiled when around you?

A slight twinge of jealousy coursed through him at the thought, throwing his joggings to the ground.

As soon as the glass door opened and closed, Axel's rough hands grabbed your hips tightly and turned you around, blue-gray eyes pinning you to the spot as he knelt infront of you on both knees, holding your gaze.

“Tell me, would you have offered my brothers the same thing, had it been either of them to find you?” Axel huskily asked, hands trailing down your wet legs, eyes flickering away for only a second to look at your immobile bloody fingers. He pulled them away from your body and kissed your knuckles, making your thundering heart flutter.

He watched with rapt attention as you gasped, shaking your head No as you continued to watch him pull one of your legs up and over his shoulder, knowing where this was going. The handsome bastard barely blinked when you tried to push away, his eyebrows knitting as he held your elevated knee roughly down onto his shoulder, not wanting you to escape.

“Second thoughts?” He asked, wondering if you were regretting asking him for help. He would respect your choice if you did, but god did he want you, cock hard between his muscled wide legs as he thought of the possibility of finally tasting you, your soaked core inches from his face.

Axel noticed your eyes crinkle before anything else, and for half a second, expected you to laugh at him. He couldn’t stop the intense pounding of his heart as your strangled laugh exited your mouth, smiling ear to ear.

There was no simple way to say it; he was head over heels for you, plain and simple.

“Fuck no, Ive been dreaming of you like this for months. But Axel, w-wait, you cant eat me out, I have my period-“

You didn’t finish, a filthy moan leaving your lips as soon as Axel’s tongue met your heated and aching core, heightened sensitivity making you reach out and cling to his face.

One hand stayed firm onto your elevated leg, caressing your skin while his other wrapped around his cock and moved, trying to match the movement of your hips against his mouth, all the while listening to your angelic voice call out his name.

“Axel oh my god, fuuuck, I'm so close!” Moans escaped you in waves, one after the other, words of praise and adoration leaving your lips, making him groan against you as he continued to lick your clit, adoring the taste of you on his tongue. As he continued, he just wondered how long you had been in here, touching yourself, trying to bring yourself over the edge. He could feel your body tense against him, practically almost there already.

“Most handsome man Ive ever s-seen eating me out- O-ohh fuck, Axel-“ you gasped, hands rising from his shoulders to seek out his wet hair, bright white light erupting behind your eyelids as Axel brought you over the edge, tongue against your clit.

He didn’t last much longer, cumming against the wet floor tiles, listening as you keened and whined against his open mouth as he continued, prolonging your orgasm as much as he could.

You panted, thankful for his hold on you as you nearly slipped, legs turning to jelly.

The sight of him was absolutely indecent; Axel smirked proudly up at you, water and blood dripping down his chin as he stood, leaning his face into the water to rinse out his mouth and face.

The sound of the water hitting both of your bodies disappeared as your heart thudded loudly into your ears.

Axel turned back to you, pulling you against him and pressed his face into your shoulder. He breathed in, smiling a bit wider as he felt your rapid heartbeat match his own.

“Better, or do you need another round?” He whispered over the hot shower, kissing your skin repeatedly in veneration as he listened to your laughter.

“Got a thing for period play Axel? How absolutely naughty.” You teased, laughing as you pulled away to look at him, breath catching as you caught sight of his gaze.

“For you älskling? Id fucking do anything you asked me to.” He groaned out, dropping to his knees once more, smirking dangerously. The sight of the serious assassin you had fallen for kneeling once more between your legs, looking up at you in reverence instantly made you need him all over again.

“Then I absolutely need you to fuck me later today, and tonight.” You moaned out, causing Axel to laugh wholeheartedly against your core.

[dripkingpetey]

love-e.pettersson

ive been working on this for a few days and im kinda proud of it! would love some feedback from you or requests for other story lines, i promise i’ll stop doing the friends to lovers storylines haha. i also accidentally deleted this and i was so sacred i couldnt get it back but here it is! i hope you enjoy.

*lowercase intended!*

2.2k words

he loves you, you know that right?

“why did you drag me here, i really don’t like hockey and you know that.” you said as you sighed to your bestfriend lucie while she pulls you down to your seats in rogers arena. 

“i know you don’t.” lucie said with a bright smile on her face. “but, you’re gonna learn to like it.” you look at her in confusion. “so, this is your way of torturing me as if you don’t already torture me enough by bringing me to parties.” you said while sitting down and looking at the players who are starting to get on the ice. “maybe.” lucie said with a wide grin and a mischievous look on her face before puck drop starts.

you’ve never been big on hockey, which is surprising considering you have lived in vancouver your whole life and your family is super big hockey fans. you also aren't the most extroverted person. sure, you’d go out to bars sometimes but mostly just with your close friends.

“what part of this sport do you even like?” you said as the game is going into the third period the canucks are now up 4-1 against the opposing team which you don’t even really know who they are. “well, if I’m being honest some of them are really hot but mostly cause of the sport.” you scoffed at her response. “none of them are hot from where i can see.” lucie looked at you with a shocked look. “oh you’ll get it once you get to know the players more.” you give her a confused look and put your full attention back to the game.

-

canucks ended up winning the game 5-2, lucie was very happy about it and you could tell cause she wanted to go out for a couple drinks and you didn’t want to say no so you agreed to go.

you had been at the bar for about twenty minutes and lucie was already gone which isn’t surprising, she was probably sleeping with some guy right now.

you started to panic a little when a creepy old dude came up to you and started hitting on you. “hey pretty girl, want to come home with me?” he started putting his hand on your arm which was resting on the table. you look around for lucie in panic but she’s no where to be found. 

you then feel a pair of arms sneak around your waist and you get even more freaked out. 

“hey babe, sorry i was gone for so long.” elias says to you with a smile but then proceeds to give the creepy dude the alien death stare which worked. after the dude leaves elias faces you and starts speaking. “sorry i touched you like that, it looked like you were alone and that guy was creeping you out so i thought you could use some help.” he shoots an apologetic smile at you. 

“its okay,” you give him a smile back. “thank you a lot actually, i have no idea where my friend went.” you take another look around the bar before looking back and him. 

“i’m elias by the way.” he smiles at you while holding his hand out for you to shake it. “y/n.” you say before shaking his hand. 

“so elias, what are you doing in this bar on a thursday night?” you gesture for him to sit down next to you. “if i told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” elias lets out a soft laugh while sitting down across from you. “tell me, i wanna know.” elias sighs lightly before he starts speaking again. “i’m with them,” he gestures over to brock, jake, quinn, thatcher and troy. you look over to see them all waving at you and laughing at elias, you laugh softly and wave back at the before turning your attention back to elias. “ah, so i’m guessing you’re on the canucks?”

elias lets out a nervous laugh. “yeah, why don’t we go somewhere else where the boys aren’t up my ass?” you take another sip out of your drink. “i would love to.” he holds out his hand for you and as you guys walk out you can hear the guys chirping, but when you look over to elias you can see him giving the death stare to the boys and it makes you laugh. “you have a scary death stare jeez.” elias leads you to his car. “that’s surprisingly what the fans love me for.” he smiles at you before opening the car 

door for you.

-

“…and that’s all what led me to being on the canucks.” elias said to you while eating a chip out of the chip bowl you had prepared. it had been a couple hours since you guys left the bar and went back to your apartment, you don’t know why but it felt like you and elias had such a strong bond already that you both felt like you can talk for hours and hours and never get tired of each other, he felt the same way too. “jeez, i kinda sound like a douche. i’ve been talking about myself all night, please tell me more about you.” elias said to you while you laughed at his words. 

“it’s all good, i’ve been the one asking questions anyways.” you smiled while responding to him. “no seriously, tell me something about you before i have to go which i really don’t want to by the way.” 

you look at the time and realize its almost twelve am so you proceed to give him a quick response. “well, i’ve lived in vancouver my whole life. and i’m currently going to ubc as a nursing student.” you smiled at his now very amused face. 

“see, that’s something i wouldn’t have known if you didn’t say it,” he laughs a little before he finishes his sentence. “can i get your number? i have practice early tomorrow morning but i’m free for the rest of the day if you want to hang out.” 

you smile at his words and take his phone from him. “of course you can, i’m free tomorrow too just give me a call.” you said while handing his phone back to him after you’ve entered your number. elias gives you a wide grin and you both get up so you could walk him to the door. “goodnight elias.” you look up at him with a smile as he’s standing in the doorway. “goodnight y/n, sweet dreams.” he said and then started to walk down the hallway towards the elevator. “pettersson!” you called out at him and he turns around confused. “text me when you get home.” he gives you the thumbs up and you close your door and head to bed. 

no ones ever shown this much attention to elias before, at least no one he’s truly cared about. 

he smiled to himself on his drive home cause he was excited to text you again.

*contact name changed to “y/n<3”* 

text message to y/n<3:i just got home, thank you for the awesome night :).

-

it’s been a couple weeks since you and elias had met at the bar, you basically hung out with each other anytime you could. 

you were each others best friends at this point, sure the guys would make fun of elias for being in love with you but you couldn’t see it, elias knows he has some feelings for you but he wasn’t sure about it yet. he also didn’t want to risk the amazing friendship you guys had started.

“hey, are you coming to the game tonight?” elias asked over the phone to you.

you let out a sigh before you start speaking. “i’ll try, schools been really hard lately but i should be able to finish studying tonight.” elias could hear the tiredness in you voice and it hurt him to see you like this. “y/n, its okay. you don’t have to try and make it, focus on school its way important. you have many more games of mine that you can watch.” he left out a soft chuckle at the end of his sentence. 

“i’ll still try though, i’ll give you a text if i can make it.” you said to him as you looked at the last large text book you had to read through and look at the giant pile of coffee cups surrounding your desk. 

“okay, love you, i gotta go.” “love you too e, good luck.” you both quickly exchanged goodbyes as you started reading your last text book. you knew there was no way you were going to be able to make it to his game tonight and you felt really bad, you sighed it off as you put your attention back to studying and occasionally looking at the canucks game that was now playing on your tv.

-

the game had ended, canucks lost by one but petey is a sore loser so obviously he was sad, which made him show up at your apartment, he brought pizza from your favourite place downtown.

you were passed out on the couch though, which resulted in elias having to pull out his spare key and sneaking into your apartment.

“elias?” you mumbled out as you felt him sit next to where you were laying on the couch, he motioned for you to lay you head on his lap and you did.

“hey sleepy girl, i brought our favourite pizza.” he said to you with a smile. no matter how bad of a day elias was having, you could always make him smile.

you positioned your head so you’re now facing up at him and you give him a big smile. “thank you, can we snuggle and watch a movie?” elias starts rubbing your cheek softly. “of course we can y/n.”

the night ended with you and elias falling asleep on the couch together while watching a movie he had picked out, you both forgot about all the stress from today and just enjoyed the moment.

-

“he loves you, you know that right?” brock said to you as he came by and sat next to you.

it was the start of summer, tanev decided to host a little barbecue for the whole team before everyone left vancouver and went back to their home towns for the summer.

you were sitting in the backyard watching elias talk to huggy. “what?” you said to brock with confusion. “no he doesn’t.”

brock scoffed at your response. “dude, you can’t be serious. how do you not see it.”

you thought about what brock said for awhile before you gave him a response. “does he talk about me?” you looked at brock while taking a sip of your drink. 

“does he talk about you? of course he fucking does y/n, all the time. especially when you don’t show up to our games, it’s worse when we’re on the road.” 

you smile to yourself at what brock said.

-

you were quite tipsy by the end of the night and elias didn’t want to let you go home alone, so you spent the night at his place.

“elias?” you said in your sweet drunken tone as you both settled into his bed, and you faced your body in his direction. 

“yes?” he said while playing with your hair softly. 

“brock said something to me earlier,” you said while pulling your body close to his.

 “of course he did,” he said with a sigh. “what’d he say this time?” 

“apparently you talk about me a lot?” you said with a soft laugh and your fingers now tracing up and down his back.

“yeah, yeah i do. i talk shit about you all the time.” he says sarcastically knowing where this conversation was going.

“hey!” you said as you playfully punched him. “i was going to do something but i guess not anymore.” you said with a huff.

he lifts your chin up to face him. before you knew it you guys were kissing each other, it was a soft, long and sweet kiss.

elias pulled away with a big grin on his face and you did too. you talked to each other for the rest of the night, you ended up falling asleep before elias did but he did too shortly after.

you woke up to the smell of elias making waffles, you hugged him from behind and he didn’t even notice you were awake until you did that.

“it smells really good,” you said to elias before kissing his cheek and begging for him to hug you. 

he pulls you into his grip and whispers in your ear. “do you wanna go to sweden with me for the summer?”

you look up at him with slight shock. “yeah, why not.” you said to him with a smile and he gets very excited and spins you around, you kiss for awhile until you smell something burning and you pull away.

“shit.” elias mumbles as he deals with the burnt waffles and you’re both laughing your asses off.

[huearmy]

The Smell Of Truth - VI

Summary: After years being forced to fight in clandestine hybrid ring, Jungkook is now living in shelter, but life remains bad, the place is abusive, and nobody seems to want adopt him. Until one night a pro-hybrid activist group invades the shelter, and a woman in black smelling like truth promises that things will get better, and he decides to follow her wherever she goes.

Pairing: pitbull!Jungkook x human!Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, future smut maybe.

Words: 6751 

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Grafic description of food. If you are hungry, eat before you read this. Seriously. AND. Jungkook have a anxiety attack, the description is light and focuses mainly on techniques to control the attack, but be aware if you are sensitive to the topic. Even because I wrote this part to help those who, like me, suffer from chronic anxiety and not to trigger anything :) Be safe.

A/N: Sorry it took too long, my head is messy, and I working on something new, and didn’t ajust myself to it yet.

THIS IS A TRANSITION CHAPTHER! I HAD A HARD TIME TO DEVELOP IT AND I STARTED EVERYTHING AGAIN AT SOME POINT AFTER AN MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

Chapter I  Chapter II  Chapter III  Chapter IV   Chapter V  - Chapter VII

One month has passed by since Jungkook first moved in. The apartment looks pretty much like his now, little details showing up his presence here and there, like his personal hygiene items in the bathroom, and his pairs of shoe in the shoe cabinet by the front door, the air filled with his favorite music which he discovered himself on spotify and youtube, the kitchen cabinets and the fridge are full of things you wouldn't normally buy but he would, and all of your streaming accounts now have two user profiles. At first Jungkook didn't think about it too much, you're just so welcoming to him, but he started paying attention to how he should or could or couldn't act to not bother you, since his presence itself is a big change in your routine. You made it very clear, even without saying it out loud with all the words, that this attitude was something mutual so that the two of you could live well together. Still, it wasn't a good first month... not that it was a bad one either, because it wasn't. It's just that... ________________________________________________________________________________________ First of all. In the first ten days everything was taken and shaped by the boyfriend phenomenon. Said name for this unfortunate situation involving Jackson was given by Jungkook's therapist in the first appointment, but we'll talk about this later. Basically all your attention and time were totally directed to your boyfriend during the whole period that he was in the city, and even though he preferred to stay in his own apartment instead of with you - as is usual the two of you - it looked like he had moved in, because when Jungkook wake up in the morning he is already there, in the living room monopolizing the tv, and when he was going to sleep at night, Jungkook could still hear the guy making you laugh in the kitchen. This was justified with a "Soon I have to go back to the capital to work and we will be apart from each other for a long time. We need to make up for it!" And after saying that, Jackson would pull you around the waist to kiss you on the temple, and you would just smile, avoiding eye contact with your face red. At the end of that time, Jungkook got closer to your friends - now his friends too - than to you, who live with him.  Of course you tried not to leave him feeling isolated, after all Jungkook is the exception of your heart, and although you are not used to it, you have a huge affection for him... hard to explain. You did everything you could to try to make him feel comfortable around Jackson - since early on you noticed Jungkook's reservation about him - including him in the conversations and also taking time just for the two of you. But it was difficult, because besides your boyfriend, the weather closed for days canceling all picnic and park plans, an you still had two jobs to deal with, and one of them - that of the law firm - was almost abusive as much work you had to do. Jungkook noticed your exhaustion and wanted not to charge you too much, but at the same time he didn't want to give up lying on the couch with you to watch a movie late at night to receive a pet on his hair.

One night, after Jackson was gone to his apartment, the two of you were doing just that. A blanket covered the two of you on the couch, keeping you warm while a cartoon played on the TV. Jungkook's head was lying on your chest, and you lazily messed with his hair. He could hear your heartbeat, and your voice vibrate as you laugh and comment on the episode. After a while your hand stopped and there was only the sound of your heart, and he saw that you had fallen asleep.

"Y/N?" He whispered to you, getting no response. He thought that you weren't in the most comfortable of positions, with a slightly bent neck on the pillow, so he considered taking you to your room to let you sleep better... He was sleepy too. He thought about it so much, looking at you sleeping, trying to decide, that he slept above you.  

Can't tell how much time has passed, probably not much, but Jungkook was even dreaming when the front door click opening broke his slumber slightly, he wasn't awake yet, but he was listening to the steps of someone walking around the apartment. It was Jackson looking for his phone he forgot. If it weren't for the TV on, he wouldn't have seen you two sleeping on the couch in the dark room, when he went to turn it off he came across the lovely scene of you two unconscious and piled up with pillows and Jungkook's stuffed bunny. After he took a picture with your phone, he went on picking you up to get you to bed, carefully taking Jungkook's arm out of your waist and pushing him aside. Needless to say, Jackson was unaware that the hybrid's protective instincts are strongest when he sleeps. You had your reasons for not telling your boyfriend  about Jungkook 's past, like respecting Jungkook's privacy and feelings, and well, maybe Jackson wouldn't like knowing how you got hurt days ago, and that problem you didn't want to have to deal with. Still, maybe some little thing you should have said.

You woke up in a jump, by a scream, and a loud growl followed by a "no" that sounded more like a bark. For Jungkook, in the first few seconds, all he knew was that someone was trying to get you out of him, and never that he was going to let it happen. Jackson threw himself back against the coffee table, withdrawing his hand so as not to be bitten, feeling his heart in his throat in the greatest fright he has ever had in his life.

"JK?" You seated up.

Jungkook looked from you to Jackson, understanding what he did, his ears flatting down on his head. His fists were clenched, holding the fabric of your shirt as if his life depended on it. The other night he hurt you, Jungook felt guilty, and afraid that you would stop loving him, now in the presence of a man, he was also afraid of the punishment that he was sure would come.

"Sorry..." He muttered. "I didn't mean to... Y/N I'm sorry..." You let a relaxed laugh get out your mouth. The situation wasn't funny to you. Actually, you could see how apprehensive Jungkook was, and deduce why. On the other hand, Jackson was frightened, and not only by the jump scare, you could see he was overthinking... What you needed to do was to relax the tension of the situation, and for that you would make them see that you are relaxed. Again, you are a good actress when you need to.

"No need to apologize, JK. He scared you, didn't he?" You laugh, and then you give Jackson a mocking glare. "And you almost shit yourself..." Jackson looked outraged at you, but when he spoke there was laughter in his voice.

"Listen, young lady. I wasn't...!"

"I heard you screaming." You cut him off. "Why are you here again by the way?" You stretched and tried to fix your shirt, but Jungkook was still strongly attached to it. Jackson looked around, as if he was remembering something.

"I forgot my phone here, just don't remember where."

"I think it must be in the office. I remember you using it there" You simply said and Jackson went up the stairs with a nod.

When there was no sign of him, you finally turned your attention to Jungkook, who was still in his curled position beside you, face hidden in you. He was shaking slightly and it broke your heart. You put a hand on his head, fixing his messy hair.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I did it again." His voice was small.

You sighed, placing a kiss on the high of his head.

"You were suddenly brought up. We all got frightened. Nobody is hurt. We laughed it off. It seems to me that everything is pretty fine." You made him look at you. "If I tell you it is all okay, do you believe in me?"

He nodded. "But Jackson... I showed him my teeth. He may be mad at me, and..." He gulped. "Shhhhh." You took his hands on yours, making him let go of your shirt.

"Jackson is a soft hearted guy, he won't be mad at you for something like this. And if it makes you feel better I can talk to him..."

"No!" He exclaimed, interrupting you. "Don't tell him nothing. You'll have to explain about me and I don't want to..."

"It's ok. If you don't want me to say nothing. I won't." You promised. Jungkook hugged his bunny with one of his arms, lowering his eyes.

"It's just that I don't want anyone to know where I came from, or what I did. I didn't tell you everything, even though I trust you... I trust you only."

You can relate with that, you can understand why he doesn't want to expose himself. It's fear of rejection, and you can do nothing but respect, and also, give all the love you have to give, and hope that at least half of it reaches his heart.

"Come here." You opened your arms to him. "Need me to put you to bed?" He laughed.

"No. Thanks."

You pulled from each other, and you got up from the couch, picking up the pillows and the blanket. Jungkook was weeping tears on his cheeks and looking cute.

"Damn, I'm crying again..." He chuckled, turning the TV off.

"Good night, JK." You fondly said.

"Good night, Y/N. Sleep well."

He followed you with his eyes until you disappeared up the stairs and the light went out. His mind was totally against it, but his gut was telling him to follow you, he didn't know why. But he did. As soon as he heard your footsteps close to your bedroom's door, he ran on tiptoe, making no noise, and stopped at the top of the stairs. He listened. Jackson was in the room with you.

"What do you want to ask?" Your voice reached his ears. "It can wait till tomorrow, babe, don't worry." Jackon responded.

In the dark, Jungkook got close to the door and crouched against the wall - so if any of you decided to leave the room out of nowhere, you wouldn't see him there, only if you turned on the corridor light, which you normally don't  do. "Spill it, Jackson." You opened a jar of fancy eye cream, to try to combat the huge dark circles that were installed on your face.

Jackson leaned against the dresser beside you, with his hands in his sweatpants pockets, and said without looking at you.

"I've been thinking about it for some days, I figured you would tell me at some point but you didn't. And after what just happened I'm even more curious about it. How did you meet Jungkook? Where is he from? And why did you decide to adopt him?" You sighed, knowing that this matter would eventually come up. Outside, Jungkook gulped.

"He's a rescue case. I didn't work directly with the legal process, it was a prosecutor friend of mine who indicted his former owners. When he was left without an owner and nowhere to go I decided to help, and that's it. There is no explanation for why I wanted him, or vice versa. Jungkook is just special to me."

You calmly spoke.

"His former owner was arrested?"

"Yeah. For money laundering and conspiracy." Jungkook felt a shiver down his spine. He knew you were going to lie now, or at least not answer, because it's not just his secret, it's yours too. And for some reason he felt like you had to lie to your boyfriend because of him. But technically this last part isn't a lie, his former owner really got arrested for money laundering and conspiracy, it's just that there were many more accusations against him besides these, like exploitation of hybrids, homicide, human trafficking and prostitution, among others, but that part Jackson doesn't need to know.

Jackson hesitated.

"Does Jungkook have a history of abuse?" Jackson said, and Jungkook couldn't define by his tone what he was thinking, it was too flat.

You, on the other hand, were feeling in court, being questioned by lawyer Jackson Wang. He already had a point of view, he just wanted to make you confirm. But you are smart too.

"Why are you asking this?" You crossed your arms.

"He was aggressive down stairs, in the living room, not even ten minutes ago. I know that hybrids with difficult pasts can be violent." He responded.

"That's not what I asked. Why are you, Jackson, asking that? What does it matter to you?" You were incisive. A moment of silence passed.

"I'm worried, I guess. You are living with him now. Hybrids can be dangerous." Part of you understand, a little bigger part got pissed.

"I've been surrounded by hybrids since I was born. I literally work with them every day, both in my stores, both in my legal area. Because my expertise is in the rights and protection of hybrids in case you forgot, Jackson. I know what I am doing." Each word came firmly out of your mouth. "Besides, Jungkook is my friend, you can't just assume he is dangerous."

"He almost bit me! Growled at me!" He snapped, and it longer felt like a conversation, but an argument.

"Jackson what would happen if you wake me up one hour sooner than I planned to wake up?" You put your hand on your hips. "You would complain." He replied as if your question had nothing to do with the matter.

You made a sign with your hands as if the answer was obvious.

"Exactly. And that's what he did. The only difference is that he can growl, besides talk, to express his discontentment, and we can't. End of story."

Jackson pinched his nose, clear sign that he knows you got a point. But it wasn't done yet.

"I understood that part, and I'm sorry. Even so, I'm worried. Because you know him and trust him, but I don't. How can I know that when you are alone it will not hurt you?"

In the dark, Jungkook bit his lip, feeling terrible, because he already did hurt you.

You were feeling worked up, more than you should. You walked past him, stomping.

"I don't want to talk about it. We know... You know very well, that no one needs a traumatic past to be violent. You see bad people with perfect lives everyday on your job." You fumed, and when he tried to respond you spoked above him. "The past of a free hybrid belongs to the one who abused them and not to them. All the bad things were done by other people, and judging them for these things is prejudiced. And I will not tolerate you being prejudiced, Jackson."

At that point you were crying. At the beginning of the conversation, you were trying to be rational and calculate what to say so as not to miss out on anything you shouldn't, to avoid contradicting yourself, to avoid the conversation. But something from then on was a trigger for you. Jackson was without reaction for a moment. Jungkook had to restrain himself from entering the room to comfort you, all his instincts telling him to do so.

"Y/N..." Jackson tried.

"No. Listen." You took a deep breath. "I understand your worry. My mom probably will say the same thing when she meets him, and she is one of the people who taught me these things I just said... But that's the thing, Jackson: you don't need to know about the traumas and hurts, and terrible things that happened with Jungkook - or anyone else - to know him. You can know him for who he is today. I'm living with him for about a week and I already know he is a incredible smart boy, absolutely good in almost everything he does, and that he is afraid of the microwave, and he loves sweet things, especially if he can mix everything up in a misshapen sugar mass that no one else would eat, and the key of his heart is a little bit of attention because... Because he is content with so little. No matter the crumb of love you give him, he will be happy... And that's why I wanted to give him everything... The whole world..."

You were pouting, and tears were running down your cheeks, and your voice was so small. You were so small right now. Jackson reached you and pulled you to a tight hug. You hold him too, sobbing lightly.

In the corridor Jungkook got on his feet and wiped his own tears. He needed to process everything he heard. All the things you said about hybrids and about him, and the fact that you cried because of him. He didn't know what it was, but a feeling so warm on his chest promised that it would be hard to get to sleep again that night, thinking about these things and you. It was really horrible not to be able to enter the room so that he could hug you, and answer everything you said with his feelings - even if he couldn't explain everything, just because he can't name everything. He silently walked down the corridor to the stairs, heading for his room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I don't even know why I'm crying... " You whined, weeping your nose with a chuckle. "I'll be all puffy tomorrow morning and the fault is all yours." Jackson laughed, pushing your hair away from your wet face.

"I'm sorry. Really, I didn't intend to be a jerk or anything. But I think I needed this conversation, I always learn a lot from you... And I think you needed this conversation too, you needed to put some things out, otherwise you wouldn't have cried." He charmly smiled. "You must be right. But seriously...!" You slapped his forearm. "I would be less pissed if you had a silly jealous tantrum or something like that. It would be easier to solve, just ignore it."

"Yah! Why would I be jealous of you? I know the day you find I guy more amazing than me you will let me know right away. Broke up with me by massege or something like this." "Shut up." You slapped him again. "You didn't turn off the flower shop's alarm when you arrived, right?"

"No." He shook his head.

You smiled wildly.

"So take off your pants and spoon-sleep with me." _________________________________________________________________________________ Then all of Jungkook's documents arrived in the mail, including an adoption request certificate - which was false, made by some of his contacts in the organization - a definitive guardianship certificate that specifies you as his legal guardian and not as owner - a small advance in the law - and that gives him some freedom that most hybrids don't have, like walking around by himself, and at last but not least, his hybrid id.

With all this in hand you finally got to make Jungkook's first appointment with a psychologist. Together you both researched some names of professionals in the field, including the three that the doctor gave you the other day, and some others indicated by friends of yours. One way or another you would have to leave the city to go to the appointments, since your city is small and you didn't find anyone in the region, so one of the criteria for choosing was distance. Another, of course, was the professional background and branch of psychology, and that part was more with you. On the other hand, Jungkook literally chose the cover of the book. When he didn't like the person's face they were automatically excluded from the list.

"And if I get there and right away I don't like their smell... I'm leaving." He declared. "Of course. You must be comfortable." You agreed. "What do you think about this one? He is young but the curriculum is impressive... And he has a support therapy group with hybrids, which is really cool."

Jungkook took your notebook to put on his own lap to get a closer look. You started your research hours earlier, in your office, but after a long time sitting in chairs that left you both with a sore ass, a break to eat pizza and put on pajamas, you were still trying to choose someone, but now under the covers in your bed with the TV on. The website that was open was a clinic specializing in hybrids, and on the page that Jungkook was looking at had a picture of a young man with a bright smile.

"Dr. Jung Hoseok..."  He mumbled to himself.

"He looks nice right? There's some patient testimonials..." You were about to ask him if he wanted to read it but he was faster.

"I want him."Jungkook looked at you with determined eyes. "I like him. Is the first one we see that is truly smiling."

He was planning to choose a woman, because he thought he would be more comfortable than with a man, but this one looked perfect in a way that no one else has looked until now.

"Ok, then. I'm calling them tomorrow morning." You smiled at him. ___________________________________________________________________________ Much to the disappointment of Jungkook and yours too, Dr. Jung's schedule was packed with lecturers and courses, so he wouldn't be able to start therapy immediately as you both imagined, leaving the first meeting with him for the following month only.

So this is it ... A whole month of a lot of rain, in which you were very busy with your boyfriend and your job, without being able to do therapy, without leaving home most days. Without realizing it, Jungkook was building up a terrible bad mood. At first you didn't even notice, because Jungkook is quiet most of the time, and you were too focused on difficult texts full of legal terms that fry your brain. But one morning, the first in weeks when the sky was blue and you had no work to do... The first morning that you slept till late and woke up with a smile on your puffy face, opened the bedroom curtain as a Disney princess would, and hopped down the stairs in a good perfect mood ... That morning you noticed.

"Gooood morning!" You literally sang, passing by Jungkook, who was eating his cereal, standing by the counter. He didn't respond, and you interpreted as his sleep non talking state. "I'm in the mood for eggs and bacon today... maybe a sandwich too. Do you want it? My god I can eat the whole world today..." "No. I could have made myself a sandwich if I wanted to."

You raised your eyebrows, a little surprised, taking milk, eggs, cheese, onion, tomatoes and mayo from the fridge. A second passed before Jungkook added in a grumpy voice:

"Thank you."

On a frying pan you put some butter to melt and brown the bread, and in another one you broke three eggs leaving room for some slices of bacon. At the delicious sound of those ingredients popping on the fire, you started cutting a tomato, and decided to add lettuce and left over chicken from the night before on your sandwich. The kitchen's air was filled with the pleasant smell.

"Are you sure you don't wan't not even the eggs and bacon?" You asked again, turning said bacon so that the two sides would be equally delicious. As a precaution you browned two more slices of bread.

"You don't have to bother." Jungkook murmured, without taking his eyes off the dull cereal bowl in front of him, but still his nose worked to identify the smells in the air. You put a slice of mozzarella cheese and a cheddar cheese on top of the hot bread slices, and immediately the cheese started to melt beautifully. In the pan that no longer were the bread, you put some onion to caramelize.

"No bother. Today is a perfect day, and it’s been a while since I’ve prepared breakfast for you, or that we ate just the two of us..." You gladly spread the shredded chicken over the cheese, and then the mayonnaise over the chicken...

Behind you, Jungkook sighed, and you could hear his lazy steps towards you. Over your shoulder he placed the empty bowl in the sink. He looked at what you were doing and his mouth watered.

"I want mine with ketchup, too." He declared with a frown.

"Get it from the fridge for me, then." You simply said. He obeyed. With one hand you put the ketchup on his sandwich - which you were already making because you knew he would want it, and if he didn't want it you would eat it yourself - and with the other you put the fire out of the pan with eggs and bacon. "Do you want the eggs and bacon in or out of the sandwich?"

In."

You were inspired, so even the olive on a stick on top of the huge sandwich you put. A beautiful sandwich.

"Sit." You happily pulled a chair for yourself. The first bite was heaven for you, making you moan as you chew slowly with eyes closed. You sighed deeply. "Working from home but not getting a decent breakfast like that every day sucks."

No response. Jungkook was eating  with pleasure - as always - but still didn't seem ready to talk. You looked him up and down. You were proud to see that after a month of living with you, he now had the most rosy cheeks and healthiest skin, and clearly gained considerable weight, thanks to the complete and balanced diet that you guaranteed he had. But he wasn't supposed to be in a bad mood. He was supposed to be happy. When was the last time he brushed his hair?

"What are your plans for today?" As if you want nothing, you asked.

"Have any." He didn't even look at you to speak, instead he got up and opened the fridge. "Want juice?"

Okay, you think he's not upset with you.

"Sure." You waited for him to sit back in front of you. "I have to visit some of my stores today, since I've been so busy and haven't had time to check them out in the past two weeks. But I don't even call it work, because it's going to be fast, and I personally love to see how business is going... Do you want to go with me?"

For the first time this morning, he looked at you with interest. Still, it was not the enthusiasm you were expecting, nor an answer, so you continued.

"We can buy useless things, eat ice cream and go to the park... And this time really enjoy it. The weather forecast guarantees that it will be sunny all day." You expectantly  rested your chin  on the palm of the hand.

Looking at you shining eyes, Jungkook nodded with a small smile. You almost jumped from your chair.

"Remember we tried to play frisbee, and I kind of found out that my little cute arms weren't made for that?"

He shook his head with a mocking smirk.

"If it doesn't go far enough to run after it, it's no fun."

"YEAH... Then it started raining and we came home, and we never talked about it again ... "You put your hands together." It turns out that I saw something on the internet that I thought was incredible and I bought it, and we can try it today."

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously.

"This." You showed him your phone.

A wild smile spread on his face and he reclined in the chair. He looked at you one more time and tossed his chin slightly, a quirk that you know by now that means  he is accepting a challenge.

"I'm washing the dishes, and then I'll get ready." He stuffed the rest of the sandwich in his mouth and swallowed the juice in one gulp, rising from the table with determination. ________________________________________________________________ You own a very wide variety of store types, your family practically founded the city generations ago, so what they didn’t open, they invested for someone to open it, it was how you all got rich, and that’s why so many places have your last name on the signboard, and half of them really are yours. The two of you went through your bookstore and music store, the bakery and the karaoke bar... Most of these places Jungkook didn't know yet, and it was interesting to see how you behave with the people that work to you.

It is different from how you act with him, gentle and bright all the time, smooth and carefree, just taking care of him with little things here and there. It is also different from how you act with Taehyung and Jimin, you are relaxed and fun with them, even in the office, when you the lynx are working, you are clearly best friends, and act together as an unbeatable team. It is not as if you stop having all these adjectives or change your personality, but that you put on a layer of boss to act in the presence of your employees. Your usual sweet tone of speech was accompanied by firmness, and even though you were friendly, calling everyone by name, you did not reach out to talk too much to anyone - focusing only on checking if everything was in compliance and solving what needed to be resolved.

Jungkook found it interesting, because it reminded you a lot of how you acted the day you met. You were kind enough for him to trust you, and you were also strong for him to trust you.

And what Taehyung said earlier was true, all of your stores had hybrid employees, at least one. Jungkook was already used to one of the florists in your flower shop being a fox girl - which turns all red and hides each time he appears -, but it was nice to see others like him in other places. Every one of them seemed so happy to see you. Maybe they also smell the truth on you.

"My first part-time job was in the flower shop, I was sixteen. I bought it from my aunt and then it was my first store too. That's why I like living there... It's an important place for me." You told him, turning off the engine of the SUV. You were in the park parking lot, ready to have burgers and fries for lunch - a little treat for yourself after a month without a day off. The plan was a picnic but you forgot the towel or bringing good food, so eating in the car was plan B.

"This is really cool. If you only worked at the store, how did you buy it? With what money?" Jungkook was a lot more talkative now. Leaving the house for a while was what he needed, he must be feeling trapped.

"I found an investor. In other words, I convinced my grandmother to give me the money." You laughed. "It was a little difficult because I was underage yet..."

"Did you buy your first store at sixteen?"

You simply nod. Jungkook was shocked. At sixteen his life was very different from yours, this is nothing new, but it is still strange to think of the chasm between you two...

"At sixteen I was already in clandestine fights for two years." He said, and it was as if one of the million pieces of weight he feels on his chest was gone. It didn't seem much compared to what it was fully, but it was relieving.

On the other hand, you felt your heart break. You didn't know what to say. So many times you told him not to press himself to tell you anything, to talk when he feels ready... so you didn't expect it to be now... that way. Perhaps you were not prepared. But fuck it, you're not the one to be ready. It's him.

Maybe because of the face you made, or how you just stopped eating to look at him in an almost comic way, or because of your eyes filling with tears he added.

"I still don't want to talk about it... I didn't even want to... I don't know why it slipped out. It's just that listening to you talking about your past is so..." He seemed lost in words, not knowing how to organize what to say. "I see you so bright! I wanted to be bright too... I've been thinking about it a lot... About having a job. And... And..."

He looked frustrated. You still didn't know what to say, or if you should say something, so you just held Jungkook's greasy hand from eating fries with your greasy hand from eating fries.

"I want to be the owner of my future." He concluded, remembering what you said the other night.

"A jog is a good first step, JK. I'm proud of you. You have all my support, I can give you a job or help you get one... wherever you want." You intertwined your fingers with his.

He let out a long breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. He was shaking, and he knew you were feeling it in the hand you were holding, if you couldn't see it too.

"I also have another favor to ask." His voice was shaky, but his eyes didn't leave yours, just like when he asked to be with you.

"Anything." You whispered, mouth dry.

Something inside you told you that this was the purest truth about your relationship with Jungkook. That you would definitely do anything for him. You also felt that it should terrify you, just it didn't.

Jungkook took his old wallet out of his pocket and opened it for you to look inside. The photo of two hybrid boys smiling, hugging each other, made you smile too.

"You are the small one." You pointed.

Jungkook nodded.

"The other one is my hyung. We live together on a breeding farm. I think there was a lab too, but I never went there, I don't remember... When I was robbed and sold for the fights he went too, and a few years later we were separated... Do you think you can find him?"

Jungkook didn't want false hopes. He knows better than anyone what life is like for a fighting hybrid, how it ends. But if he survived that long, then his hyung can too, and if anyone can save him, it is you. He just wanted to hear that you're going to try... Even if you only discover the worst of the possibilities... Even if you don't discover anything. Among all the terrible things in Jungkook's head, this is the one that most takes away his sleep, the one that most makes him feel guilty.

"What is his name, breed, age...? Any information you have about him." You were serious, every gear in your brain working.

"Namjoon. He was some type of wolf... Older than me, I don't remember how much." Jungkook's eyebrows came together and he bit his lip, trying to remember anything else that might help. "He loves to read... He is a good hyung... I don't know...!" "Shhh. It's ok." You took his face in your free hand. "You don't need to freak out now, if you remember something later just tell me. With his name, age and breed I can ask my organization friends for help."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. For some reason the smell of the food was making him nauseous... Or it was just his anxiety messing with him. He just didn't want to eat anymore. Suddenly the car was too small and getting smaller for the second, and he couldn't breath. His body started to shake violently, and his lungs were hurting. He let go of your hand and opened the door to get out. You followed him close. Instead of going down your door and having to go around the car, you jumped into the passenger seat and got off right behind Jungkook, who was already bent over with his head between his knees. He was having an anxiety attack. You crouched in front of him and rubbed his back softly.

"Breathe with me, JK, love. Inhale for four seconds... Hold for two seconds... Release for six..." You've been there before, and breathing has always helped you more than most things, not only to stabilize your body, but also to help you focus. "Right... Again."

You breathed with him, still keeping your hand comforting on his back, but not too close to suffocate him. "You don't need to answer out loud, ok? I need you to find five things around us that you can see. Can you do this for me?"

He barely nodded, but you saw he understood. He was breathing like you told him to, opened  his watering eyes and looked around. The trees. The car wheel beside him. The lake shining far away. His shoes. Your shoes.

"Now find four things you can hear." You told him after a while. The birds. Kids laughing somewhere. The radio inside the car. Your calm breathing. "You are doing great, babe. Find three things you can smell." Dirt. Freshly cut grass. You.

"At last... Two things you can touch." You took the opportunity to pet his head. The car. You.

He was calmer, his body collapsed and he ended up sitting on the ground with his face in his hands. You got up, and he didn't see where you went, but you weren't gone for long.

"Here, something to taste." You handed him a bottle of sparkling water. "I don't know if you like it, but it's good for the stomach."

He drank the bottle all at once, and made a face at the end. He doesn't like it.

"Thank you, Y/N. You are always taking care of me. Sorry." He took your hand and intertwined your fingers together.

"Silly, puppy." You smiled at him, and he could swear it is the prettiest thing ever. "You can alway take care of me too."

He wanted to look at you for a while, to be silent for a while. Think only of how sweet and beautiful you are, instead of the bad things. But you got up again, not thinking what he was thinking.

"Can you get up?" You offered help.

He accepted.

"I can do a lot of things besides getting up. I'm ready to run." He smiled wildly.

"Are you sure?" You took his face in both your hands, the color was coming back to his cute cheeks, but you were still worried. He nodded, covering one of your hands with his. You sighed. "Ok then." _______________________________________________________________ You weren't trying so hard, but you got tired just to see how fast Jungkook runs, and after an hour, you can't believe the boy's fitness. Too much stamina, Christ. As he came back to you with the frisbee in hand, at high speed, the wind in his hair made the sweaty bangs fly back. He was stunning. Wild smile and excitement making him look like a child at the same time he looked like every girl's dream boyfriend.

"Throw, another one, Y/N." He sang, already running away. You lifted the cannon frisbee launcher and opened fire. Looking up, Jungkook calculated the route of the flying thing and speeded up to catch it. Since you started playing he hasn't lost one. He only almost ran over a few unsuspecting pedestrians, but nobody got hurt. From meters away, you could hear him jumping up and down before he started running towards you once more. You definitely need to find some physical activity for this child to stay entertained and happy.

"Again!"

______________________________________________________

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[antiquitiesandlabyrinths]

Akhenaten

The name Akhenaten is rather well known as a Pharaoh of Egypt. Like Ramesses II, Hatshepsut, Cleopatra, and Tutankhamun, Akhenaten won the popularity contest of modern society through defining himself as far different from most other Pharaohs. With Akhenaten, however, he’s not even like the special Pharaohs.

Let’s look a little at his life and the history of the time period he ruled over. He was in the 18th Dynasty of the New Kingdom, from 1353-1336 BC. Like most Pharaohs there are a few different pronunciations of his name, including Akhenaton, Ikhnaton, Khuenaten, all meaning of great use to Aten, which leads into his conversion into the cult of Aten. Before the conversion his name was Amenhotep IV, son of Amenhotep III. His mother was named Tiye. Later on in life he married Queen Nefertiti, fathering two children, one from his wife Nefertiti and one from his lesser wife, Lady Kiya, having Ahnksenamun and Tutankhamun to each wife respectively.

Before we get into the whole mess of his religion and the ‘revamping’ he did of ancient Egypt, let’s recognize the other things he did for or to the country.

You’ll recognize the vastly different art style between Akhenaten’s rule and the history of most of Egypt. In art that depicts Akhenaten, he was shown as long and spindly, a style that carried into his family. Some people believe that this was because he and his family suffered from Marfan’s syndrome, a disease that caused the elongation of bones and skinniness. A more likely explanation stems from the Pharaoh’s religious beliefs, which as you know, was vastly different from other Pharaohs. This theory is a little more likely because there was no reason for the queen Nefertiti to have the same condition as her husband. Instead, it was probably because their status was far different from the other Pharaohs, as they were moved into a genuinely god-like status for their worship of Aten.

The part of Akhenaten and his rule that interests me the most is the way the royal family was presented in art, despite the style. Like many parts of Akhenaten, it’s entirely different from other Pharaohs (though, whether that’s good or bad is up to you).

Now, most Pharaohs presented themselves highly in art. They could do that, so why not? If I had the guts and the money I probably would too, but my point is that essentially all Pharaohs depicted themselves alone on stelas, engaging in hunting or other activities that strengthened the image of themselves that they wanted to show the world. Usually they were masculine tasks that could be done only by those with great strength and great riches. Akhenaten went in an entirely different direction; he depicted himself with his family. In the stele of Akhenaten, he is shown in a private way, the scene being him with his family, enjoying themselves together.

While we can’t say the definitive reason for him presenting himself as this, the most logical conclusion has to do with, again, his religious beliefs. In his mind, the Aten was held above all else, even the Pharaoh. With Aten as the highest consideration, the Pharaoh and his family enjoyed their lives under the influence of the Aten’s love and grace.

Now that we have a little insight, let’s get into the whole mess of his religion that died immediately after he did.

Akhenaten originally reigned as Amenhotep IV, a reign that lasted around five years before he switched religions. Changing his name, he converted to a cult that worshipped Amun to that of Aten, abolishing the ancient rites of those before him, and instituting what is believed as the first example of monotheism state religion in the world. His rule as Akhenaten lasted 12 years, during which he was labelled as the infamous ‘heretic king’, so that should give you some insight into how people felt about him. 

Before his rule, the cult of aten was a cult like all others in Egypt. It was a bit like choosing your favorite God – find the one you like most, and join that cult. For example if I were to join a cult, I would join the cult of my favorite God, Ma’at. I mention this because before the change, the Aten was shown in inscriptions of Akhenaten (Amenhotep IV at that point), represented by the sun disk. It’s also important to note cult doesn’t carry the same meaning as it did then, and each cult shared the same goal: balance and eternal harmony.

At the time of Amenhotep IV’s rule the Amun cult (where the Aten is from) held incredible power. Their power had been growing for a long while, and by the time of his rule, they held nearly as much power and riches as the Pharaoh himself, and actually owned more land than Amenhotep IV. The fifth year of his reign he switched everything; this was when he abolished the practices of the previous religion of Egypt, and proclaimed himself the “living incarnation of a single all-powerful deity known as Aten,” (Joshua J Mark), and by the ninth year, he closed every single temple, prohibiting all the old practices and devotion to the many Gods the people of Egypt worshipped.

Around then was when he moved the royal seat of Egypt from the traditional house of Thebes to a city of his own creation, a city named Akhetaten, and with that he changed his name to Akhenaten. Here he earned the name the Heretic King, earning the ire of some historians and the admiration of others.

Despite the fact that Akhenaten’s influence completely destroyed worship of the Gods many Egyptians loved, one of the main problems with his rule was that the Old Gods of Egypt instilled harmony and order in the citizens, ultimately helping to create a country that lasted over 4,000 years. Without these Gods, things got a little wonky.

Religious tolerance was allowed with the many Gods, emphasizing peace to the point where religious intolerance wasn’t even an issue. Unfortunately, for monotheism to work, there has to be something inherently wrong with the other side, which made Akhenaten’s work a lot harder, and its’ effects much stronger. It led to the intolerance of other beliefs and some severe suppression, and if you look at the monotheistic religions of today, you can see the same sort of pattern. With intolerance comes hatred and war.

“Dating to this point in Akhenaten’s reign was a campaign to excise the name of gods other than the Aten, especially Amun, from the monuments of Egypt. This was done with violence: hieroglyphs were brutally hacked from the walls of temples and tombs. This was probably carried out, at least in part, by illiterate iconoclasts, presumably following the orders of their king. [Akhenaten] carried out a religious revolution the like of which had never been seen before in Egypt.” (Zahi Hawass, 42-43).

There were priests of Atum who attempted to hide religious artifacts, storing statuary and texts away from the soldiers ordered to destroy them. The priests, with nothing left to do, were forced to abandon their temples. In response Akhenaten either hired new priests or forced the other ones to obey him, proclaiming him and his wife once more as Gods on earth.

Now you can see how Akhenaten kind of sucks. Let’s talk about how he sucks even more.

His foreign policy.

With his ego inflated to the size of the sun, Akhenaten thought himself above interactions with foreign powers. He left his duties to spend more time on himself and his family, ultimately leading to a severe neglect.

You might be asking, “didn’t every Pharaoh have a super-inflated ego?” and yes, you’d be right, but no Pharaoh before Akhenaten had genuinely claimed themselves to be a God. As a self-proclaimed incarnated God, he must’ve thought such affairs beneath him.

Discovered through letters of the time, several (former) allies of Egypt had asked for their help several times with various affairs. At the time Egypt was wealthy, prosperous, and strong, a state that had been slowly growing before halting at Queen Hatshepsut’s reign. Hatshepsut and her successors employed a strategy of actually doing work, by working out when to approach with diplomacy, and when military action was required. Akhenaten on the other hand, ignored everything outside of his palace at Akhetaten. 

The uncertainty of Akhenaten’s rule, along with letters of correspondence between the city of Amarna, the Pharaoh, and foreign nations, led to this era being called the Amarna period. These very letters were proof of the Pharaoh’s negligence. However, the letters also show his keen eye in foreign diplomacy, if the situation interested him so. It was a whole thing with the Hittites, but since this is chiefly about Akhenaten, I’ll leave that topic for later. All you really need to know is that he only tended to issues that affected him directly, and through the Amarna letters, historians can see how poor of a King he was, as well as how deeply many of his subjects disliked or despised him. 

Essentially, the main reason this mess didn’t work out was because it brought about something new: exclusivity. And the Egyptians did not like that, believing that the world needed to have a balance in order to stay away from slipping into chaos. In the end monotheism didn’t last; hell, it was ended basically the second Akhenaten’s son took the throne. Tutankhamun, originally named Tutankhaten, changed his name to reflect the return to polytheism. His successors tore down the reminders of Akhenaten’s reign, removing him and his adoration for the Aten, eradicating his name from the record.

There’s no saying he didn’t affect the world – he did, a lot. Whether that affect was good or bad is up to the interpreter (personally I don’t like it all that much). By Freud’s thinking (hear me out, I know he sucks) Akhenaten’s rule inspired the ancient world, leading others to copy his ideas and theology, eventually snowballing into our modern world, where there are essentially no polytheistic religions. You have to give him credit – he was the first person of the ancient world to dream up monotheism, changing what had defined humanity for so long.

With his name stricken from the books, historians only discovered him upon finding his city Akhetaten. In the records, Horemheb is labelled as Amenhotep III’s successor, skipping over both Akhenaten and Tutankhamun’s rule. Later when Tutankhamun’s tomb was found as one of the very few graves still filled with treasure, interest spiked in Tutankhamun’s life, eventually leading back to his father Akhenaten. 

[starlettescarlet]

the taylor swift-lana del rey cinematic universe

alright girls and gays, i’ve done my share of investigating and i am finally ready to unfold this. the theory is that taylor and lana speak to each other through their music, and the hints are so subtle that so many of us have looked past through it for years. finally, i’m here to shed light into it. i’m not insisting that it’s %100 real but i’ll let the facts speak and you decide, yeah.

i. ok, we start with taylor’s 2014 track wildest dreams. this song-music video was clearly a homage to lana. it LITERALLY is like it was written by lana. it’s like taylor sat down and went, “i’m gonna create something that is so lana”. we can all agree that lana is the one who invented this retro style mv’s thing into the pop music industry, so yeah.

ii. fast forward to 2017, to lana’s lust for life & taylor’s reputation

 “i don’t want you like a best friend / only bought this dress so you could take it off” - dress, taylor swift

“take off, take off, take of all your clothes” - lust for life, lana del rey

“it took thirteen beaches to find one empty, finally it’s mine” - thirteen beaches, lana del rey

this song literally talks about the same thing as delicate mv, being surrounded by crowds and cameras all the time and how they want to disappear and be invisible even for a brief period of time to be free as they want to be. ALSO, what is 13? yep, taylor’s lucky number.

 “god bless america and all the beautiful women in it” - lana del rey

 i mean, taylor is literally miss americana. ok.

“when the world was at war we just kept dancing” - lana del rey

“i had a bad feeling, but we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied” 

ok, next.

“come here dressed in black now, so so so it goes, scratches down your back now, so so so it goes” - so it goes, taylor swift

“i paint my nails black / i dye my hair a darker shade of brown / cause you like your women spanish, dark, strong and proud / i paint the sky black” - black beauty (uv), lana del rey

next.

“salute to me like i’m your american queen, and you move to me like i’m a motown beat / we rule the kingdom inside my room / cause all the boys and their expensive cars / their range rovers and their jaguars / never took me quite like you do” - king of my heart, taylor swift

“it never was about the money or the drugs / for you, there's only love / for you, there's only love / it never was about the party or the clubs / for you, there's only love” - religion (hm), lana del rey

that’s some strong ldr references in there, taylor. 

iii. okay, heading off to taylor’s lover era.

“american glory faded before me / now i’m feeling hopeless ripped up my prom dress” - maathp, taylor swift

“if this is it i’m signing off / hawaii just missed a fireball / la’s in flames, it’s getting hot / kanye west is blonde and gone” - the greatest, lana del rey

 they are both talking about how f-ed up american culture became. good for them.

 “if i was a man, i’d be the man” - the man, taylor swift

 “i’m your man” - mariners apartment complex, lana del rey

 UGH! let’s also mention mariner apartment complex ends with “are you ready for it? are you ready for it? are you ready for it?”

 “but we might just get away with it / the religion’s in your lips / even if it’s a false god” - false god, taylor swift

 “there’s nothing wrong with contemplating god” - cocc, lana del rey

 ladies, it’s getting HOT in here.

iv. folklore time!

 “i’ve been having a hard time adjusting / i had the shiniest wheels now they’re rusting / but i just wanted you to know that this is me trying” - this is me trying, taylor swift

 “hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have- but i have it” - lana del rey.

 they’re saying the SAME thing.

 “everytime you call me crazy / i get more crazy, what about that? / everytime you say i seem angry / i get more angry / and there’s nothing like a man woman / what a shame she went mad / and there’s nothing like a mad woman / you made her like that” - mad woman, taylor swift

 ok this song is about taylor herself but it also fits very well into lana, how she is being portrayed as a t*ump supporter, how she “went mad and became a karen” when she stated for like hundred times she’s anti-t*ump and all that jazz. andhow the public tries to make her seem more mad when she tries to explain herself.

 “nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter” - cocc, lana del rey

 “someone’s daughter, someone’s mother” - epiphany, taylor swift

 ok so this “betty and james” thing in betty. guess whose name is elizabeth? guess what is short for elizabeth? and guess who was named after james taylor? HMMM.......

 “i only mention it cause i’m ready to leave LA, and i want you to come” - lmlylaw, lana del rey 

 so lana is leaving LA. guess where’s she going? FOLKLORELAND?

 “i’m setting off, but not without my muse / no, not without you” - the lakes, taylor swift

 taylor you’re being really obvious here...

 “you were driving the getaway car / we were flying but we’d never get far” - getaway car, taylor swift

 “drag racing my little red sports car / i’m on the run with you my sweet love” - cocc, lana del rey

 fast forward to taylor’s cowboy like me, it can literally be the theme song of lana’s cocc album cover photo. SAME THEME. watch the cocc mv and tell me you don’t see the resemblance. they’re both miss americana yeehaw girls. they’re both cowboys.

 “and i’m sitting on a bench on coney island wondering where did my baby go?” - coney island, taylor swift

 are we gonna ignore the fact that lana is coney island queen? references to her aka lizzy grant era.

 “i want you on me like when we were kids under chemtrails on country club” - cocc, lana del rey

 “i can see us twisted in bed sheets / august sipped away like bottle of wine” - august, taylor

 same gay ass childhood love thing.

 happiness by taylor has so many the great gatsby references. who made a soundtrack for gatsby? lana! “will you still love me when i’m no longer young and beautiful / i know you will...”

 also let’s mark how ‘tis the damn season has the same depressed holiday season vibes as lana’s how to disappear.

 the last great american dynasty? taylor really saw the next best american record and said lemme change it a bit.

 “you’re born in december, i’m born in june” - cocc, lana del rey

 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? there is no other explanation behind this.

+ BONUS 

 “i’ve been tearing around in my fucking night gown / 24/7, sylvia plath” - hope, lana del rey

 “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” - champagne problems, taylor swift

- end of the thread! i’m sure there are ones i’ve missed so feel free to add them. don’t forget to stream chemtrails over the country club and folklore/evermore.

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Running Up That Hill

           You were kidnapped for two months before your dad, Andy, finds you. 

-

           You had been missing for approximately two months when you were found. It was like every other missing girl story; you’d just disappeared, the only traces of you your phone and your open car with the key in the ignition. Your family was heartbroken, especially your father. He often said that he loved you more than anything, and when the police stopped searching, declaring you a lost cause, he fell off the rails. He changed into a completely different man, citing your disappearance, and every day he went looking for you still.

           He was conducting a raid when it happened. This guy was absolutely sick – he’d already been charged with kidnapping but gotten out three years ago on a loophole, he was a registered sex offender, and he’d been charged with possession of child pornography twice. He was a terrible man. Andy couldn’t lie – as he sat in the car, waiting, he thought about you. He knew there was a possibility that this guy could have been responsible for multiple kidnappings like yours, but never did he think you were just inside the house.

           “This guy is fuckin’ sick,” his co-worker said, shining a flashlight into the house.

           “Yeah,” Andy said absentmindedly. “I’ll go look for anything that might be violating parole. You just check over the house and make sure our guy’s not hiding before we send more units out to look. The last thing we want to do is spook him into running again.” His co-worker nodded, taking the three police officers that had broken down the door with her. Andy proceeded down to the man’s makeshift office, starting to look through papers for anything that might lead to a conviction. He must have been there for five or ten minutes before he got the call from his co-worker.

           “Andy, we need you to come down to the basement.” Andy cringed, hanging up the phone. He prepared himself to see a body, maybe more than one. He walked to the kitchen and down the stairs to where the flashlights were focused on something specific. You. Alive. It was obvious that it was you; you were his spitting image, right down to the pleading blue eyes. You were tied up on a cot by the far wall, your knees forced up to your chest and your arms tied around them. There was a cloth laying beside you and one in your mouth, keeping you from talking. Your voice was too hoarse to do anything anyway. Andy saw you and his heart started beating faster than it ever had before. He ran forward, pulling the cloth off of your mouth, and he kneeled in front of you. Your wrists were raw from being held together, blood covering the cloths you were tied up with.

           “Oh my God, Y/n, baby,” he said, touching the side of your face. You were so pale. You were so skinny, you always were, but your shirt that wasn’t yours hung off your chest. You barely reacted at first. Maybe you were dreaming. But when your dad started un-doing the ties that bound you, you started to realize. You were free. This was your dad that was here, and the cops, and people who couldn’t hurt you. Your dad brushed your greasy hair behind your ear and you could feel that he got the ties away from your wrists. You could move. You reached out toward his neck and even though you were too weak to hold on, he picked you up.

           “Dad,” you tried to say. You couldn’t speak. You could feel him say something about an ambulance as he carried you up the stairs. The open front door was the first sunlight you’d seen in two months. It hurt a little, but the heat felt good. You were so cold. Your father’s massive hand pulled your hair back and off of your face as he held you. He was still then, until more sirens rang in the air. You tried to grab onto him and hold him, but he did all of the work for you. You couldn’t imagine how you looked – a sixteen year-old girl being carried by your father because you couldn’t walk yourself. Or could you – you didn’t know. You didn’t know what you could do. You only knew that you were too weak to be considered human.

           “Hey, baby, they’re just gonna take you and check you over, alright? I’m gonna call Mom and Jake, let them know where we are, alright?” You nodded. “Okay. I won’t be far.” He wrestled his jacket from his arms and placed it around your shoulders, big enough to be a blanket on you, and he sat you down in the back of an open ambulance. He kept looking behind him even though he walked away, calling Laurie.

           “Andy? What’s up?” She asked him. She could hear that something was wrong.

           “I found her. In the raid. Y/n. She’s alive,” he said. “She’s alive.”

           “Oh, my God, is she okay?”

           “They’re checking her out right now. I don’t think I’ll be able to take her home right away, the police are gonna wanna talk to her before then. But she’s okay. I’m not leaving her.”

           “Okay. Tell her I love her.”

           “I will.” Andy hung up the phone and called Jacob, who answered right away, too. That was right – he had a free lunch period. “Jake. I need to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone yet, I don’t want news getting out yet.”

           “What?” Jacob asked.

           “I found your sister. She’s alive. I don’t know how bad she is yet but she’s alive.” Jacob didn’t know how to respond at first. He didn’t know what to say or think or do.

           “Will she be okay?”

           “Maybe not now, but she will be. I don’t want you to tell anybody, just, um, when you get home can you change her sheets for me? And put a load of her laundry in?”

           “Yeah, anything.”

           “Alright. I love you, Jake.”

           “I love you too, Dad.” Jacob hung up and Andy immediately turned back to you. The EMT’s were looking at your arms and your legs. That was the worst – the cuts because of the way you were tied up. There were no other signs of external torture except how tired you were, but when they asked if you’d been touched you nodded yes. Your dad walked back over to you, watching them.

           “I’m her father, how does she look?” He said. One of the EMT’s, a woman in her twenties or so, stood up and took him aside.

           “She looks alright on the outside. But she’s definitely malnourished, we’ll need to get her on some fluids in an IV. We found some signs of sexual assault that we want to check out at the hospital.”

           “Can I take her home tonight? She needs to be home, with her family.”

           “I think you should be able to. She could use some family right now. But who am I?” The woman left him to go to the front of the ambulance as they started to carry you onto the stretcher. Andy sent a text to his co-worker, explaining that he was going to be with you. He was Assistant District Attorney, but he was your father first. Especially now. He climbed into the ambulance right before they pulled away and shut the doors.

           “They’re just gonna give you an IV right now, okay?” Andy said when he saw that you were looking around, your eyes unable to focus on anything. He grabbed onto your violently shaking hand, steadying it. One of the people in the ambulance started giving you an IV, but you were so lethargic you didn’t even notice. You just curled up next to your father and let them prick your arm until they found a vein. You almost fell asleep, but not quite. When they got you to the hospital the IV was done and you could feel it taking effect. You felt better, your cheeks were returning to their normal color, and you felt like you had at least a little energy. You let them do whatever to you – you let them inspect you, head to toe, and you wore some clothes that had been donated so the police could take your clothes for evidence. You were good. And finally they told your dad he could take you home.

           “Are you hungry?” You tried to speak, but nothing came out. Your dad took that as a yes and got you some food, sitting in the parking lot so you could eat all you wanted, and after a full meal you were done. You felt like you were going to throw up because it was the fullest you’d been in two months, but you didn’t care. You were grateful for the food. And you were grateful for the way that your dad held your hand the whole drive home. You tried not to fall asleep – you wanted to see your mom, your brother, and you wanted to remember what it was like to exist.

           “We’re home, honey,” your dad said softly. “You think you can walk? You could a little earlier.” You nodded and swung your legs out of the door, your feet on the solid ground of the driveway for a minute. The house didn’t look different, but it felt different. Everything felt different. Your mom’s hug when she greeted you at the door felt different. Your little brother’s hug felt different. You wanted to accept it, but you felt the food swimming in your stomach and ran to the downstairs bathroom.

           You were fine, you insisted your mother as she walked into the door and rubbed your back. You were just overwhelmed, and even though you couldn’t say it, she saw it in your eyes. She helped you get up the stairs to your room, where Jacob had done your laundry so you had clean clothes and changed your sheets and un-made your bed for you. His room was right across the hall, your parents’ room right next door, and you felt safe enough there.

           “Do you want to sleep now? Or take a shower first?” You couldn’t really answer her, so you nodded your head at the latter. She brushed her hand through your hair before telling you everything was the way it had been before. Before. Before the absolute hell your life had become. Before you were abducted from a parking lot because it was the one time you left your car unlocked. Before you had died on the inside just to stay alive on the outside.

           “There’s my girl,” your dad said later as you walked down the stairs, dressed in an old t-shirt and your favorite sleep shorts, your hair so wet that it was dripping onto the hardwood floors. It was something they normally would have yelled at you for, but right now they didn’t care. You walked into the living room behind your dad to see that there were two cops and two men in suits, and you knew what they wanted to hear.

           “No,” you said. That was the first time you’d been able to speak, and you grabbed onto your dad’s hand and shook your head. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to talk about anything. You just wanted to exist.

           “I know, honey, but you need to. They need a statement. The sooner it is the better, alright?” He didn’t push you into the room, but you knew that he wouldn’t have let them in if he thought it could wait. So you sat down in the same armchair as your dad, leaning on him for support, and you started talking. You told the room full of men everything. Everything – even when you felt your dad shift uncomfortably. Even when you realized there was a video camera in there, recording everything that you’d been saying. You thought for a minute that Jacob and your mom were listening, but they were gone. You could tell because her car was gone from the driveway. It was getting dark outside, too, by the time you got up to the point where your dad had found you.

           “I’m sure she’s exhausted. So if you could save any questions for another time, that would be great,” your dad said to them when he saw your eyelids drooping. He was right – you were so tired. At least before you’d had a little bit of adrenaline inside of you. Now you had nothing. You were warm and safe in your home.

           Your dad eventually got the men to go away and leave you alone as long as you promised to come by the police station the next time you woke up. You slept for almost two full days, only waking up to go to the bathroom, take sips of water, or throw up. Someone was always with you, sitting in the armchair in the corner of your room or watching you from across the hall, so that you were never alone. Half the time they just couldn’t believe that you were back home. And they knew it was you, you knew it was you, but you also knew that you were different. You’d seen things and been through things that Andy had literal nightmares about.

           They used everything – the video of you at home talking, your clothes, the marks on your skin, the evidence they’d collected around you, to prove that this guy was a monster. He already was a monster, but that he’d kidnapped you from your car and intended to keep you. Your dad was on the case, on your side, doing everything in his power to make sure this guy never saw the light of day again. And then the day came that you were supposed to testify on the stand, just to get it to go to trial. You were one of three girls he’d kidnapped in the past, and your dad had them testify, too. But they were the hardest on you.

           Your dad had given you his pendant that morning, he one he always wore. Always. It was St. Christopher. You knew he was raised Catholic, but you’d never thought of it beyond that. But when you pulled it over your neck, you felt protected. Even through all of the questions that would haunt you for years and years to come.

           “How would you say your relationship was with your family before you left?” The other guy’s lawyer, a known shark, asked. You hated his choice of words.

           “I didn’t leave willingly.”

           “Answer the question, Miss Barber,” the judge said to you. You looked up at her and then back over at your dad, who was nodding.

           “Happy. But strained. My dad and I were really close. My brother and I fought sometimes and got along other times. But my mom and I almost never saw eye to eye, on anything.”

           “There are multiple records from fellow students at Archer of nights when you would engage in risky behavior at parties. Would you say that the relationship with your family led to your behavior on those nights?”

           “I’m bipolar,” you responded. “I wasn’t on the right medication and sometimes I just did stupid things.” You hated saying it out loud, but your dad had told you that you had to tell everything, answer all of their questions, and there was no possible way you could lose.

           “Your medical records show that you were on multiple controlled substances for your bipolar disorder, all of which you had taken on the day you disappeared.”

           “Yeah.”

           “The same ones that influenced your behavior on those nights. You were on that specific set of medication for six months.”

           “Are you saying that you think my medicine and my relationship with my family made me voluntarily go with that man?” You asked. You could tell that was what the lawyer was getting at, even if he wasn’t saying it directly.

           “Why, was that a possibility?”

           “No. I got in my car that I’d left unlocked and some guy grabbed me out of it. If I went voluntarily, I wouldn’t have left my car and my phone like that.”

           “Miss Barber, we’re not asking you to explain the evidence. This is a question for you to answer.” You looked at your dad when the judge spoke.

           “No. I didn’t want to leave my family. My medicine wouldn’t make me do that.” Your eyes teared up just at that statement. They kept asking questions, some of which were to your advantage. But they were making it seem like you wanted to leave and eventually that was what broke you down. You shook your head, drying tears as you looked around the room and saw almost nobody on your side.

           “We’ll reconvene in half an hour,” the judge finally said when you were fully crying. You stood up and your dad walked over to you, pulling you into a hug, as the rest of your family walked over to you.

           “Come on,” your dad said. He led you into the room you’d been in earlier, a meeting room, where your lawyer was standing.

           “Why are they trying to make it look like I left?” You asked. “Why are they trying to make it seem like it’s my fault?”

           “Sweetie, that’s just their angle,” your dad explained. “It’s the only thing that they could dig up. They’re just trying to deflect.”

           “They’re making me look crazy. You told me to tell them everything,” you told him, crossing your arms over your chest. Your brother was holding a bottle of water and handed it to you, looking over at you.

           “You don’t look crazy,” he said quietly. “You look like someone hurt you.”

           “Thank you,” you said.

           “They’re going to put your family on the stand, most likely. And then this will all go away when they confirm that you aren’t crazy,” the lawyer said. You sat down in one of the big chairs, pulling your feet up to your chest, and tried to calm down.

           “I didn’t run away,” you insisted to your father as he sat down beside you. “I wouldn’t. I told them that.”

           “Everything’s gonna be okay, babe. I promise. If they try to fight with us, we’ll just fight back twice as hard. I need you to believe me when I say that this guy is going to go away. Whether it’s because of what he did to you or someone else, he’s going away. And he’s never gonna be able to hurt you again.” You nodded, doing your best to believe him.

           “We got your back,” Jacob put in.

            “If I could trade places with you, I would. In an instant. But I can’t. And I need you to be the strong girl I know you are.” You looked at your dad again, seeing nothing but pride on his face. Your mom just smiled at you – you’d been getting along so much better now that you were having to talk things through.

           You went back out there, sitting up tall, and answered every question they asked you. They tried to fight you, but you didn’t back down. You weren’t going to. And the jury decided to indict the guy who did it. The trial was set for six months ahead, and even though it was a long time, there wasn’t a day your dad wasn’t trying to figure out how to make sure this guy pay for what he did.

A/N: This has to be one of my favorite requests yet! I loved writing this so I hope you like it too! 

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)