#jake was both questioning his life choices and internally giggling

[slytherinlizzy]

Duskwood Incorrect Quotes pt.16

Mc: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night!

Jessy: You were flirting with Jake.

Mc: So what? He's my boyfriend.

Jessy: You asked him if he's single.

Mc:

Jessy: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Eighty-Nine

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff and Smut.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

You floated through the halls at work the next day. No, not because of the wonderful 3AM sex you had with Harry last night. It was because this Saturday would be one year since your first date, the date that the two of you were choosing to be your anniversary, instead of when you made things official in October.

“What do you two have planned this weekend?” Niall asks you at lunch. Buster was with Harry today.

“We’re going to a spa for massages and to get our nails done.” You swoon. “And I think we’re going to the tapas place.”

“That’ll be great!”

“I still can’t believe it’s been almost a year since you convinced me to go out with a complete stranger.”

“I know! I spent so much time talkin’ him up to yeh, and you never showed any interest. No choice but to be blunt.”

//

“Alright, you talk about this girl all the time. You’ve talked about her for almost two bloody years! Ask her the fuck out already!” Harry slurs over drinks with Niall at their favorite bar.

“S’not like that, mate. Don’t want her in that way. She’s just my good friend…although…I think maybe she’d fancy you.”

“Lots of girls fancy me.” He smirks.

“You’re annoyin’.” Harry bursts out laughing.

“Okay, okay…why do you think she’d fancy me?”

“I don’t know exactly, you just seem like her type.” He shrugs. “I can’t really explain it, Harr, I could just see it.”

“Will yeh finally show me a picture of her? I’m not doin’ another blind date.”

“Alright, fine, why not?” Niall took his phone out to show Harry some pictures of you. “Here’s a selfie we took when we went out to the beach a week or so ago.” Niall handed Harry his phone.

Harry’s eyes popped out of his head. You were smiling big, and you could really see your freckles. Your arm was around Niall’s shoulders and you could just see the cleavage from your bathing suit top.

“Holy shit…” Harry looks back up at Niall. “And you’ve seriously never hooked up with her?”

“Nope. She’s literally just my friend.”

“Her smile is…beautiful.” He looks back down at the photo and smiles. “Do you have one of just her?”

“Let me look on her Facebook.” Niall takes his phone back. “Oh! Here’s one from our company party a few months ago.” He hands him back his phone.

You were wearing a strapless blue dress with your hair in a nice bun. Yup, he thought you were breathtaking.

“Tell me again, why have you never brought her around?”

“She’s been at my holiday party the last two years…you just never noticed.”

“Or you just never introduced us.”

“You still just sort of hook up with girls, I didn’t wanna bring up you two meeting until I knew you were sort of over that…you seem like you are, so…” He takes a sip of his drink. “I’m sort of protective of her too…”

“I get it, I know I can be an asshole.” He smirks. “I swear I’m over all that…” He scrolls past some other photos. “When was this?”

“Oh! Her best friend got married, she didn’t wanna go stag, so she asked me to go with her. It was a lot of fun.”

“She’s so…pretty.”

“Yeah. Plus it doesn’t hurt that she has a nice personality too. She’s really smart, funny, all things you’d want…she’s an incredible friend. She’d drop anything to help, and half the time you don’t even have to ask.”

“Alright, can I have her number?” Harry starts to scroll through Niall’s contacts, but Niall snatches his phone back.

“I can’t just give some random dude her number.”

“But I’m not just some random dude.”

“To me…but to her…look, I haven’t even talked about you to her…let me see if she’d be into it, okay?”

“Sure, but I’m gonna keep buggin’ yeh until you make it happen.” He smirks.

****

You and Niall were hanging out at his place, getting ready to watch Bachelor in Paradise. He hands you a bowl of popcorn, and you snuggle up next to him.

“So, who do you think is going to hook up tonight, I think-“

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“When was the last time you went on a real date?” Your face falls. That was sort of a loaded question. “Was it…Jake?”

“I’ve been out a few times, but obviously no second dates. Why?” Your eyes grow wide and you inch away from him. “Wait, you’re not like asking me out are you?”

“What?! No!” He laughs. “Not that, that would be funny, I bet you’re super fun to date.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I just mean, we’re friends, and I like being just friends.”

“Me too.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Anyways, have I ever mentioned my mate Harry to you?”

“Maybe a few times. I know you hung out with him over the weekend.”

“Yeah! We had drinks for the first time in a while.”

“Cool.”

“So…he’s a really great guy. I think you’d like him. He’s single, and so are you-“

“No.”

“Come on, Y/N.”

“I don’t wanna do a blind date. My parents met on a blind date, and look at how well that worked out.” Niall can’t help but laugh.

“Harry is nothin’ like your dad. He’s really nice, a true sweetheart.”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, he said he’d go out with you.”

“He did?!”

“I talk about you enough.” He blushes. “He said he was interested.”

“I’ll have to think about it…is that okay?”

“Sure.” He shrugs and throws an arm around you.

***

Over the next several weeks, Niall kept dropping hints that Harry wanted to meet you. Harry couldn’t stop thinking about you, and he hadn’t even met you yet. He really wanted to get to know the beautiful girl that was in his friend’s life.

“Niall,” You sigh. “Why are you bringing up Harry all of a sudden? I mean, I’ve known you for almost two years.”

“Well, after your last break up, I honestly didn’t think you’d ever want to look at another man.” He shyly told you in the break room one day.

“Will you at least show me a picture of him?”

“Nope, want this to be a true blind date.”

“You’re annoying.”

“I’ll set everything up for the both of ya, and if it goes well then you can both take it from there.”

“That’s if I even agree.”

***

“Ask her if she’s free this Saturday.” Harry says to Niall on Tuesday night as they play video games. “I feel like she’s gettin’ closer to sayin’ yes.”

“What exactly do you want to do with her?”

“I’d just like to take her to a nice dinner.” He shrugs. “Think she’d like that?”

“She’d love it!”

“Figured that would be a chill way to meet, you know?”

“Yeah, takes a little of the pressure off.”

“I’ll ask her at work tomorrow.”

***

“What are you doing this Saturday night?” He asked you Wednesday morning, handing you a coffee. You each took turns buying coffee for the other. Today was his turn.

“Um, I think I was just going to binge watch something on Netflix. Why?”

“Harry was wondering if you’d be interested in dinner.”

“Oh he was?” You raise an eyebrow, and take a sip of your coffee.

“Yes, well I nudged him a little, but I’ve told him a lot about you and he’s very interested.” You blush at the thought.

“Well, I’m definitely free for dinner. Where was he thinking?”

//

“Well, obviously I’m glad I agreed.” You giggle.

“Didja get him anythin’ or is the spa day part if it?”

“It’s our gift to each other. He’s spent so much on me for my birthday, so I told him I didn’t want anything else. Was he always like that? So extravagant?”

“Not really.” Niall tries to think about it. “I mean, he loves surprisin’ people…and he really likes makin’ people smile. Never seen him do it all for a girlfriend before.” Niall takes a sip of his water. “Y/N, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to put a smile on your face. I feel like I’ve been sayin’ this from the beginning, but I’ve never seen him like this before. You’ve really changed his entire life, all for the better.”

“He’s changed mine too. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to be this happy.”

//

Saturday morning you woke up far too excited for the day ahead, but you couldn’t help it. This was the longest relationship you had ever been in. An entire year with the perfect guy. You look at him, he looks so peaceful while he sleeps. You shift to straddle him and you kiss him all over his face. He smiles without opening his eyes. His hands move up to grip your hips.

“Good morning.” You coo.

“Mornin’, angel.”

“Wanna see the video I made you? Well, for us, but it’s mostly for you.”

“I’d love to.” His eyes flutter open.

“If you’re still too tired we can wait…”

“Nope, wanna see it now.”

He sits up and you grab your phone. He throws his arm around you and you pull the video up.

“I haven’t posted this anywhere yet, it’s just for the two of us…”

“Alright.” He kisses your temple.

You hit play, and You’ve Made Me So Very Happy by Blood Sweat & Tears starts playing in the background. Harry tries to play it cool, but he was internally screaming. You pause it quick.

“I feel like this is sort of our song…we listened to it on the way up to get Buster. We both really liked it…”

“It’s great, it’s, uh, definitely our song.” He smiles and taps play again.

Throughout the song there’s pictures and videos of the two of you over the last year. There were so many good memories. You both giggled at some of the things, especially the pictures from Halloween. When it ends, you look up at Harry whose eyes are glossy.

“That was…really somethin’.” He chuckles and wipes his eyes. “You’re really good at making those.” He cups your cheek. “Happy one year.”

“Happy one year.” You lean up and kiss him. “I couldn’t wait to show you, I’ve been putting it together for awhile. I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Can we watch it again?”

“Mhm.” You beam at him as happy tears come to your eyes. “I’m gonna go make us a big breakfast. I got that vegan bacon we both like.” You kiss him quick and get out of bed.

You throw on one of his t-shirts, and a clean pair of his boxers, and head out to the kitchen. Buster yips at you, and you throw your sneakers on to take him out quick. Harry gets up and finds you in the kitchen making his favorite banana pancakes.

“You know, this day is for the both of us, not just me.” He chuckles.

“I know, but I wanted to do this for you, and we haven’t made this for breakfast in forever.” You flip a pancake over.

Harry grabs the pure maple syrup from the fridge and sets it on the counter. He looks you up down. He wasn’t sure what it was about you wearing his boxers that always turned him on so much. Maybe it was the way they sort of bunched up around the tops of your thighs so he could really see the curve of your ass. He opens the syrup bottle and dips his finger in to have a taste. He loved real maple syrup.

“Give me some.” You open your mouth and smirks as he puts more on his finger. You suck the syrup off. “Mm, that’s so good.”

“You know where I’d really like to put this?”

“All over your pancakes?” You put the last pancake on the plate and turn the burner off.

“No…well, yes eventually, but not right this second.”

“But they’ll get cold…”

Harry sighs and turns the ‘Keep Warm’ burner on, and sticks the plate on top of it, along with the bacon.

“Take your shirt off.”

“What?”

“Actually, that’s my shirt, so take it off.”

You swallow hard and take the shirt off, resting it on the island. Harry grins and grabs the bottle of syrup. Your nipples were already pebbled from the cool air in the room. He dips his finger back into the syrup and spreads it onto both of your nipples.

“Now I’m all sticky.” You pout playfully.

“Let’s see how we can fix that, hm?”

Harry lifts you up onto the island, and he stands between your legs. His lips wrap around one of your nipples and sucks on it. Your breath hitches as you hear him moan.

“Mm, so sweet.” He mumbles as he moves to the other one. He sucks it off with a pop and look at you. “Let’s make a mess.”

“What do you mean?” You giggle.

“I mean, I’m going to get this all over you and lay you down on the island, and then I’m gonna fuck you.”

“Oh.” You nod. “Alright then.”

You and Harry end up on the floor in the kitchen, naked, covered in sticky syrup, and giggling. You had brought the pancakes and bacon down to the floor with you.

“Mm, you did a great job with these.” Harry says, biting into the pancake.

“You certainly worked up quite the appetite.” You feed him a piece of bacon and he nips at the pad of your thumb.

“What time do we need to be at the spa?”

“At eleven, we’re getting massages first, and then our nails.” He hums his response.

“What time is it now?”

“Around nine.”

“Jesus, why did we get up so early?” He chuckles.

“Because we just couldn’t wait to love on each other.” You both giggle.

Buster comes over and you both have to sit up so he doesn’t lick at any extra syrup on either of you.

“This really was a good breakfast, thank you.” He gives you a bacon filled kiss, and stands up. He reaches his hand out and helps you up. “Come on, we need to shower before getting over there.”

“Oh, you didn’t want oil all mixed up with sticky syrup?” You ask sarcastically.

“Don’t think that’s the move.” He chuckles.

You both get into the shower, and wash each other up. You throw some leggings and a tank top on, and Harry gets dressed in some shorts and a t-shirt.

“Be a good boy Buster. Mummy and Daddy will be back later.” You say to him, and out the two of you go.

//

You and Harry check in to the spa and wait to be called in. You’re given robes and slippers. You get called in and you both are given a minute to undress.

“Shit…”

“What?”

“I really fucked up your back this morning.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry…you would think after all this time I would’ve learned to-“

“It’s fine, babe. I’m sure they’ve seen stuff like this before.”

You give him a reassuring smile and get under the blanket on the massage table. It was so relaxing, and something you both really needed. You had both talked about getting massages again pretty much right after you had gotten them the first time. When it’s done you both sit in a light room and wait to be called in for your pedicures.

“You enjoyed it?” He asks you.

“Mhm, it was wonderful.”

“I wanna give you a massage like that sometime.”

“Maybe I wanna give you one.”

“We could take turns.”

“Deal.” You lean on his shoulder.

“Would love to get you all oiled up like that, bur completely naked.”

“Oh, Harry.” You nudge him.

You get called in for your pedicures. You loved doing these things with him. It was so special and intimate. He held your hand the whole time, and you end up choosing the same color for your toes. It was a nice pastel pink that you both loved.

For your manicure, you go for a nice blue with a silver-glittery accent nail on your ring fingers. You made sure to get the shellac so it would last longer. Harry got a light yellow.

“Let’s make an appointment for you and your Nan for when she comes.” He says as you’re both paying.

“Oh, she’d like that. And two weeks from now would be a good time to get these redone, especially my toes.”

You make an appointment for the Friday evening she would be getting there. You figure after work it would be nice to get your nails done and go to dinner with her. Harry would be picking her up from the airport.

Harry knew how important it was to a lot of girls to make sure they had their nails done after they were engaged so when they posted pictures of the rings, everything would look nice. He didn’t know if you’d care that much, but he thought it would be nice for you to have fresh polish on for when it happens.

//

You pull your little black dress out that you wore on your first date after you’ve done your hair and makeup.

“Harry!”

He was out in the living room waiting for you. He looked so handsome. He had a blue silk shirt on with some tan slacks. He goes into the bedroom and he stops short.

“Need some help zipping this up.” You look over your shoulder at him smile.

He grins and comes in to zip it up. He lingers for a moment. He knew this dress all too well. You turn around to look at him and he wraps his arms around you.

“You look so beautiful.”

“Thanks, so do you.” You smile and kiss him.

“I fed Buster and took him out, so he should be good to go.”

“Alright, let’s hit it.”

You get to the tapas place and are seated after giving your reservation name. This time around you split some chickpea fries, cauliflower fritters, and a couple of other small items. You also each order a seltzer with a lime.

“A whole year.” You say as you clink your glass with his.

“Best year of my life, honestly.”

“Mine too.” He holds your hand across the table and squeezes it.

All of your food gets brought over, and you dig in. It’s delicious, you two really need to come here more often.

“Can I ask, what made you wanna bring me here for our first date?”

“I just thought it was a nice, yet chill place. Thought it would be a little more intimate sharin’ dishes. It would give us somethin’ to talk about in case things were…awkward at first.” He smirks.

“Could you imagine if we literally had nothing to talk about other than food?” You laugh. “So boring.”

“I’m very glad you had a personality.” He laughs too. “I remember I was excited to finally be meetin’ yeh. When Niall finally told me you said yes, I was thrilled. I needed to meet the pretty girl from the photos I was shown.”

“Ahh, so it was all about looks for you.” You smirk.

“And Niall told me about how great you were. Needed to see it for myself, really.”

The waiter brings over a small cake made for two people, and a single candle in it. You both blow it out at the same time.

“Mm, I love lemon.” You say as you bite into it.

“I know.” He smiles. “Think it’s one of the few sweets we agree on.”

//

“Would you kill me if I got you somethin’?” Harry asks as you drive home.

“Harry…”

“I just couldn’t help myself…I saw this perfume at the mall and thought you might like it.” He lists the center console and grabs a small box from it. “Here, see if you like it.”

“You always do this.” You smile. “And because I knew you would, I got you a little something too.” You open the box and give it a smell. “Oh! Apples.”

“It reminded me of your shampoo a bit.”

“Mm, definitely.” You lean across and kiss him on the cheek. “I love it, thank you.” You spritz some onto your wrists and rub them together. You reach into your purse and pull out a card. “You’ll want to make sure the car is parked.”

He nods and gets the both of you home. He turns the car off and taps the light so it’s bright enough for him to see. He takes the card from you. His jaw drops when two tickets slide out.

“How…when…are you serious?!” He was in complete and udder shock.

“You’ll need to close the studio for the time you’re away. And before you say anything, I’m not the one going with you.”

“Who else would I go see the Packers with?”

“Louis.”

“What?”

“I spoke with him about all this, he thinks it would be great for the two of you.”

“I can’t believe you got me tickets to see a real Packers game! I mean, I’ve only been able to see them on TV….” He smiles and then furrows his brows at you. “This is way more expensive than-“

“And I got you a plane ticket already. You’ll need to pack extra warm. That game is at the beginning of November, and it’ll be even colder in Wisconsin.”

“Y/N.”

“You got me practically front row seats to see one of my favorite artists for my birthday, and then proceeded to buy my grandmother a round-trip ticket for her to come up here. The game tickets themselves weren’t that expensive, especially since I got them so early. And I got a pretty decent fare for the flight.”

“But…this isn’t something we can even do together, I mean-“

“Harry.” You put your hand on his shoulder. “Happy anniversary.”

“Thank you.”

He opens up the glove compartment and sticks the card inside for safe keeping.

“I can’t believe…I mean…this is one of the most thoughtful things anyone’s ever done for me.” He smiles.

“I’d do anything to see that smile on your face.”

You both get out of the car, and head upstairs. Buster yips at the two of you.

“I know, we weren’t home a lot today, baby, I’m sorry.”

You both rub his belly before sending him off to his bed. Harry gets his hands on you and unzips your dress. You giggle as it falls to the floor. You unbutton the few buttons he actually used on the shirt and push it off his shoulders.

He cups your cheeks and kisses you. He swipes his tongue over your bottom lip, and you open up for him. He needed to taste you. Your tongue molds to his. You undo his pants and he steps out of them. He walks you back to the bed and you both fall onto it.

“God, I can’t wait to fuck you.” He says against your lips and you smile.

“You fucked me twice this morning.”

“Wasn’t enough.”

He kisses on your neck and dips his hand inside your panties. He runs his fingers up and down your slit to get you wet. You reach behind yourself to unhook your bra. He tugs it away for you. He leaves wet kisses between your two breasts.

“Paying a lot of attention to the girls today.” You giggle.

“The girls?” He laughs.

“The girls, the twins…a lot of people refer to their boobs like that.”

“Well, that’s just what I’ll call ‘em from now on. I can come home from work and ask how my girls are.”

He starts kneading both of them and you moan softly. He tweaks your nipple piercings and you let out a louder groan. He tugs your panties all the way off you and opens your legs up. Two of his fingers slip inside while he sucks on your clit. Your head rolls back against the pillow as your hips buck up towards him. He was knuckles deep and making the come here motion over and over.

“Just like that babe, so good.” You moan.

He sucks on your clit harder while he pumps in and out of you. You grip his hair causing him to groan against against you. Your legs start shaking and he uses his other hand to keep them open. You release on his fingers, and he sucks them into his mouth after he retracts them.

“Wanna ride you.”

“Yeah? Wanna bounce up and down on my dick?”

“So bad.”

He sits up against the headboard and you straddle him. You line yourself up and sink down on him. His hands slide down to the globes of your ass and he starts to move you on him. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and sink your nails into his skin. Your mouth finds his and his tongue slips into your mouth. You both had a great rhythm going. He loved when you would almost lift all the way off and slam back down on him while he thrusts up into you. He nips at your jaw, then to your neck, sucking where he pleases. One of your hand slides to his neck, and you wrap it around his throat lightly. He groans as you apply a little pressure.

You use your other hand to rub your clit as he continues to thrust up into you. You both were very close. His thrusts were getting sloppier. As your release comes you loosen your grip on his throat, and hide your face in the crook of his neck. Your teeth sink into his skin as he takes full control.

I can’t wait to have this for the rest of my life. He thinks to himself. That thought alone was enough to have his come shooting up inside you. You groan as you feel him fill you up. He rests his forehead against yours as you both catch your breaths. He cups your cheek with one his hands and kisses you.

“I love you so much, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Harry. Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary.”

You hug for a few minutes and then you get off of him. You both go through your nightly routines.

“Harry…”

“Yeah?”

“What if Buster slept with us tonight? Just for tonight…we were barely with him all day, and-“

“Buster!” Harry calls for him and he comes trotting into the bedroom. “Wanna sleep with mummy and daddy tonight? Haven’t loved yeh enough today, have we?” He yips and jumps up on the bed.

You giggle and get into bed with Harry. Buster lays at the both of your feet and Harry throws an arm around you. You loved your life so much. You had no idea so much could change in a year, and you were incredibly grateful. This was the first relationship you ever had like this. Not only had you never lived with a guy before, but you had never been in a relationship this long. You were with the person you were supposed to be with, and you couldn’t happier. You wondered what the next year with Harry would hold.

[drariellevalentine]

Medically Inevitable

Chapter 4- Radical Revelations

Characters:- Arielle Valentine, Sienna Trinh, Bryce Lahela, Landry Olsen, Elijah Greene, Jackie Varma, Rafael Aveiro, Ethan Ramsey, Harper Emery

Pairing:- Arielle Valentine x Ethan Ramsey

Warnings:- None

Arielle’s PoV:-

Completely exhausted from the day’s events, you head into the locker room and take a nice but quick hot shower. Drying off, you quickly change into a cute pearl silk tied top with a comfy pair of ripped jeans. Taking out the bun in your hair, you decide to let your hair down, parting deep to the left, caressing your revealed shoulders.

You enter Donahue’s to find it completely packed. You try to squeeze inside apologising every now and then and look around to spot your friends.

You finally find them sitting in a table at the furthest corner of the bar.

"Long day?" Si asks as soon as I slump into the seat next to her.

“You have no idea, according an 18 year old, I look younger than him, so apparently I not eligible to be a doctor cause I look too cute!," I sigh dramatically and she giggles.

"Careful please," Bryce says before placing a tray of shots in our table.

Jackie scoffs, " Why are you even buying us drinks, meathead?"

"He's being nice, Jackie.”, Sienna smiles.

"Yeah, and also you think you could afford to buy that tonight?" I add.

"Sure," she rolls her eyes, "Thank youu," she says sarcastically.

Bryce laughs. "Think of it as a good luck drink guys. You are going to need a lot of luck to get into the diagnostics team."

"Wrong meathead. What we need is brains and hard work. Duh!"

"And luck," Bryce adds smirking, ‘lots of luck’. He emphasizes on the word "luck".

After minutes of bickering in between Bryce and Jackie, Bryce leaves to join his fellow surgeons. But my friends are still talking over the fellowship.

"I can't still believe they'll be taking an intern in the team!" I hear Landry say, his voice filled with excitement. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they'll even consider giving an intern a spot in the team let alone train them."

"Cheers on that," Jackie says forwarding a glass.

"Let's have a toast guys," Elijah forwards his glass. "To having a marvelous fellowship."

As we all toast to it I say, "Honestly guys, good luck. I won't be joining the fellowship but I wish the best of luck to you all." I smile. Everyone stares at me like I just refused a million dollars.

"You won't be joining the competition?!" Jackie asks shocked. "But why?"

"Not everyone wants to join the diagnostics team, Jackie," Landry states.

"Maybe not everyone, but Arielle does. The diagnostics team is the very thing that made Arielle apply here, in Edenbrook. That's one of the many things she said to me the day we met." Jackie turns to me then giving me a look that says "I want an answer".

"I know. The diagnostics team is what made me apply here on the first place, but I changed my mind. I got through my first week because of you guys. I don't think I could have done it if you guys were not there to support me," Sienna places a hand on my shoulder, giving me an understanding look.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship by competing with you guys. I need you guys by my side not against me."

"Idiotic choice but your call," Jackie rolls her eyes. And I smile as Sienna hugs me. A while later, you all head home for the day.

General PoV:-

Harsh sunlight streams through the open curtains of Arielle’s magazine cover worthy bedroom. Arielle turns around in her bed to grab her phone from her nightstand. The alarm clock catches her eye ‘9:15 a.m.’ She bolts right up in bed, rushing to her closet while ranting a ton of expletives. Hearing the commotion, Elijah and Sienna rush inside to see Arielle on the floor half-naked tangled in a bunch of clothes. Sienna stares at her in confusion while Elijah understands what’s going on and bursts out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”, Arielle asks.

“You forgot today’s our day off, didn’t you?”, Elijah asks knowingly.

“It is? Oh shit! I completely forgot!”

They help Arielle out of the tangle of clothes. “Anyways, we were thinking of going to a baseball game so...I bought everyone matching t-shirts but they only come in two sizes you’ll have to adjust yours. Only then Arielle notices their shirts. Sienna hands her an red oversized t-shirt. “We’re leaving in an hour, get ready!”

Arielle’s PoV:-

You shower and slip on a robe after drying yourself off. “There’s no way in hell I’m wearing this!”, you exclaim holding up the red,baggy, oversized shirt. If there’s one thing you care about, it’s your style. You grab a pair of fabric shears and crop the oversized shirt folding the hem to create a neat finish using fabric glue, then cinch the extra fabric on the slides and secure it in place with a few stitches. You hold up the newly altered shirt and look to your mirror. “Much better!” Pairing it with a pair of studded white jeggings, white heel sandals and a couple of accessories, you sit down on your vanity’s stool. You take out your braid from last night, leaving thick curls in its place. You carefully clip your hair out of place and decide to brush on a little extra makeup. After finishing with your usual moisturiser, concealer and primer, you accentuate your almond eyes with a jet black eyeliner and brush out your brows. Knowing that you won’t need any help in the blush department, you move on to your lips. You decide on your favourite red transfer-proof lipstick ‘Bold Beauty’. You grab a crossbody purse and place your wallet, keys, phone and other essentials and head to the living room.

“What do you think? Is it too much?”, you ask uncertainly.

“Hot damn!”, says Jackie.

“You look gorgeous.”, Sienna says.

“Woah! You look good!”, says Landry.

“Someone call the fire department cause it’s getting hot in here!”, exclaims Elijah.

You blush furiously. “Thanks guys, I’ll drive us there.

You pile in the car as Elijah rides shotgun and gives you directions. You reach there at 10:30. “Ok, 10 minutes till game starts. Everyone split up and stand in a different line and get one of everything. I’ll get the drinks.” Sienna tells everyone where the seats are and everyone splits up. You get a drink tray full of sodas, beers and a lemonade for you, everything packed with ice, and head down to the first row where you find everyone holding snacks.

“Great seats Elijah!”, says Sienna.

“Have to be close to fully appreciate the bloodbath, these teams loathe each other.”

Landry and Elijah start geeking out as you, Jackie and Sienna are talking.

“So...I may or may have not seen you get into Dr. Ramsey’s car yesterday.”, Sienna slyly says.

“Crap!”, you think.

“Tell us everything!”, says Sienna.

“Seriously?”, Jackie asks.

You slowly confide in them about yesterday’s events and what you confessed about your personal life.

“Oh my god, Ari! I’m so sorry!” Sienna pulls you into a hug.

“It’s okay, I’m fine now.”

“Now I feel really bad for judging you, also very surprised and impressed that you managed to get away with sleeping on Dr. Terminator’s shoulder.”, says Jackie.

“It isn’t that big of a deal!”, you counter. Both of them give you a look. “Ok, fine, it is. He was actually really sweet, he even tried to console me.”, you confess. Sienna smiles wide at the mention of this.

“Anyways, you both have to promise not to say a word about this.”, you give them a pleading pout. Jackie’s about to ask about something else when you realise some kind of commotion is going on.

"Oh no, did he faint?" Si says and I look forward to see Jake Sandburg, one of the players lying on the floor. 

The other players rush to his side trying to wake him up.

"Uh, coach, he's in real bad shape," another player says leaning down beside him.

Their team manager hurries out," Damn our team physician quit on us just before the game."

"Is there any doctor here?" The manager asks and on instinct all of our hands goes up.

The manager looks clearly shocked to see five doctors in a front row but doesn't express it as we move towards the field asking the other players to help us move Jake inside.

We follow the other Nighthawker players into their locker as they carry Jake on a stretcher.

"Have you called 911?" I ask their manager.

"Yeah, the paramedics are on their way," the manager sighs, " Poor kid."

"Lay him here," I hear Jackie instruct them as they follow.

"He's got a pulse, but his breathing is shallow," Sienna says in a low and shaky voice. This sudden situation is clearly affecting her.

Landry pulls a stethoscope from his bag and places it against his chest.

"Sounds like fluid build up. We have to solve it fast or else he could be in trouble," Landry announces.

As the others take his vitals, Elijah and I  go to ask his teammates some questions, which we think might help us to crack the case.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" One of the player asks as we approach them.

"You can help us by answering some questions. Has this ever happened before?"

"Not as far as we know," he looks at his other teammates. " Also he had to pass a physical test just recently."

"He was called up from the minor league just a few weeks ago," the manager adds.

"Did he complain about any pain recently?"  Elijah asks.

"No, he was pretty quite, kept to himself. I think he was worried," the player says. "About what?"

The player shares a look with his manager as soon as I ask that. 

"Look, he's been struggling in the majors. I was in discussions with ownership to send him back down to the minors," the manager answers, a pained expression plastered across his face.

"Did he know about it?" Elijah asks in between.

" You know, the guys talk. Rumors."

"He was kinda freaking out about it, he kept sweating, hyperventilating," the manager adds and I make a mental note of it.

"Hyperventilating... How often?"

"I only saw it a couple of times," the managers states.

"Well, it could've been panic attacks," I conclude thoughtfully.

"He always seemed tired too. Yawing in the meetings, like he didn't get any sleep at all," the player from before says.

"Have you seen any changes in his behavior recently?" Elijah asks.

"Uh, I guess he's been hitting the ice bath a lot recently. Probably because of feeling sore," the guys answers. "But he'd do it even in the days when he wasn't playing," the guys adds after a moment.

"Thanks you for the help. Was he on any medications?" I ask before moving towards the table

"No. The team doctor left all the prescriptions and Sandburg wasn't prescribed anything," the manager says going through the charts.

"Thank you that'll be it," I say and look forward to find a player from the opposite team sneaking in. 

"Hey! You aren’t allowed here," I motion the others towards him as the player who was helping us moves towards him. But then to my surprise he hugs him and the other one whispers words of encouragement in his ears.

"Wait, weren't you two fighting in the field?" I ask shocked.

" Yeah, but that's only on the field. Ray and I grew up playing together in the streets of Miami. We are basically family," The Nighthawker player concludes.

“It’s that easy?”, you ask.

“When we’re in a game, our minds are focused on the game. But the minute it’s over, we’re brothers again. Iron sharpening iron, you know.”, he says but your mind is somewhere else.

“Iron sharpening iron. Competing makes them stronger...” You run back towards the patient.

I think it's a drug interaction. His medicines are amplifying each other out," I announce reaching them. "Two medications perfectly fine on their own, cauting each other to have an outsized affect."

"Oh, that could be it!" Sienna says, a sudden excitement hinting in her voice.

" But the team manager said that their previous doctor didn't prescribe him anything," Elijah says confused.

"Sandburg was already worried about being cut. If the team knew he had a medical condition, they'd be oven less likely to keep him around," I reply.

"So you think he kept him situation quiet to keep his job? Wouldn't be the first time someone's done that," Jackie shrugs .

"What do you think he was taking?" Landry asks.

"Well, maybe something for his panic attacks. Let's say fluoxetine," I reply to him

" That could be it. Getting a prescription for that isn't really hard..."

"Okay, maybe you are right. But what was reacting with it. What else was he taking?" Jackie cuts in between.

"Something for his soreness. His team members said he'd be sore even the days he was not pitching," I answer remembering what the player said.

"It could have been arthritic inflammation," Sienna states.

"Right? He's male in his twenties..." I try to think what it could be.

"Ankylosing Spondylitis!" Landry says.

"He could've been taking N.S.A.I.D for it, like - celecoxib," I say while checking his locker, " Here they are." I say taking out the medicines proving what we said is right.

" It could be doing irreparable damage to his kidneys! We gotta take him to the hospital as soon as possible," Elijah says.

The sound of helicopter blades cut through the commotion in the locker.

" The paramedics are here!" Sienna exclaims happily.

Soon the paramedics enter and you see Rafael running towards you. We explain him about the situation.

"Would you like to have a ride on the choper? My shift will end in five minutes. So after dropping Jake to the hospital we could maybe roam around the city," Raf says nervously once we are out of the locker. The other paramedics get Jake in the chopper.

"I would love that," I give him an assuring smile which he returns.

"Great!" He says making his way towards the chopper after asking me to follow him.

"Any certain place you have in mind where you'd like to go?" He asks smiling broadly getting back to the choper after we've successfully admitted Jake.

"Not really," I give him a silly smile.

"We'll have a tour over the whole city then, more fun," he winks and I giggle.

I am really enjoying the birds eye view. The city looks more beautiful from up here. Capturing the breathtaking city from above, I put it on my Instagram story.

The next picture I take is ours, I smile towards the front and Raf's is a candid, he's looking forward flying the chopper but smiling.

I post it on my Instagram feed, tagging Raf and captioning it "Soaring high with @raveirotheemt.”

You notice you have over 250 likes already. Perks of being famous.

"What do you see?" Raf asks and I look down.

"Edenbrook!" I squeak happily. " The first day in there, the hospital looked so enormous but now it looks so tiny!"

"Everything comes into perspective up here. It's one of the reasons I like it so much."

" How'd you learn to fly?"

"My uncle was a pilot in the Marines. He started teaching me to fly when I was still in high school."

"That was so young!"

"I just saw it as a fun thing to do on the weekends, you know. It was a great way to spend time with a great man," he smiles recalling the memories.

"Are you guys still close?" I ask

"He... He died two years ago."

"I'm so sorry Raf."

"He was really active in our community. When he wasn't flying, he'd organize food drives and buses for anyone struggling," he smiles sadly remembering those days," He's the one who inspired me to be an paramedic. I wanted to help people the way he did."

I nod at him understanding.

"Buckle up. We're ready to land," he tries to say it as normally as possible, smiling. But I know it is just an effort to not let people show his broken side.

“Hey, Jake and many other lives have had a chance to live because of you.”, I assure him.

He relaxes. “You too, Arielle.”

“You both land on Edenbrook’s helicopter pad as staff takes Jake away. You inform them of his condition.

“So... are you ready for the tour?

At first I thought that Beacon Hills were the most beautiful thing I saw today. But when we were taking a turn over Cape Cod Bay, my opinion changed. Nothing can be more beautiful than this. The breathtaking view of the glimmering ways merging with the bright golden sun creating a golden hue in the clear ocean water. The scenery is just breathtaking.

"It is beautiful," I say softly, still looking at the ocean.

"It's the best thing you can see in the city," Raf smiles.

"Can't disagree with that."

"And as much as I would hate for this to end," he smiles sadly, "But I need to return the chopper to the hospital now."

"It's cool Raf, we've been out here on it for a while," I smile.

Within minutes, he manages to fly back to the stadium and drops me off.

You return to your friends and show them the wonderful pics and views that you took.

“Of course!” After some time, you and Si head to the food court for a refill on food and drinks.

Ethan’s PoV:-

You’re stuck closing off an important deal with Banner Health alone, as Harper was called in for an emergency. You’re walking towards the bar in need of a stiff drink when a familiar waft of vanilla and cinnamon hits you. There she is, her beautiful jet black curled tresses falling below her waist, standing near you ordering something. She doesn’t seem to notice you. You turn your head the other way and ask for a club sandwich. A few minutes later, you receive a tray full of cheeseburgers. Somebody calls you.

“Excuse me sir, but it seems our orders got mixed up.” You turn around to find none other than Arielle. Her violet eyes widen in realisation.

“Dr. Ramsey! Hi, guess the world really is small!”, she responds enthusiastically.

“Some would say too small.” A petite intern who often you see beside her comes and doesn’t notice me.

“Hey Ari! I’ll take these down. You coming? In a minute, Sienna.” The intern leaves.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a baseball type of guy.”

“And you pegged me just right. I’m here to close a deal with Banner reps. They have me in the box suite, trying to butter me up with lobster and wine.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad...”

“I know it might surprise you, but I’m not one for schmoozing.”

“Nooooo... I don’t believe it. The great Ethan Ramsey doesn’t like it when someone butters him up!”, she feigns shock.

“Would you like to join me?, the words slip out before you can react.

Arielle’s PoV:-

You’re surprised. You’d never thought that your medical hero would need your help. He notices your expression and starts explaining, more like rambling.

“You know I’m not much good at speaking to other people, much less idiots but this is a very important deal for Edenbrook. Harper was taking the reins but she was called in for an emergency. One of your traits is that you’re quite persuasive, I was hoping that would help.”, he says.

“Of course.” You follow him to the private entrance which is blocked by a guard.

“Ah, Dr. Ramsey. The Banner Health execs are waiting.” He gestures for you to follow. The guard stops you.

“I’m afraid I’ll need to see some ID, Miss. Alcoholic beverages are being served.” Dr. Ramsey gets irritated.

“I can assure you she’s older than 21.”, he says. The guard insists. Sighing, you pull out your ID. His eyes flash with recognisation.

“I’m extremely sorry miss, but I have to follow protocol.”

“It’s quite alright.” Dr. Ramsey leads you into the private box, where you see a crowd of ‘business’ dressed people lounging on the posh sofas. He picks up two glasses of Malbec and hands one to you.

“Thank you. To deals, negotiations and whatnot!” He rolls his eyes. “To negotiations.”, he toasts.

“This is quite nice.”

“It is, don’t get used to it. I knew many great doctors, all who swore never to make it about the money but did. Don’t let it become about the money.”

“Ha! If only he knew I had millions of dollars in my name and still live like this.”, you think.

“You’re right. It never should become about the money.”, you say truthfully. Two reps saunter up and start sucking up to him. You roll your eyes internally.

“I’m sure there are many opportunities. By the way, let me introduce you to Dr. Arielle Valentine, one of Edenbrook’s newest interns, and one who shows much promise.”, he says.

Your lawyer/advocate instincts kick into action, which includes an amazing first impression.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Valentine but no formalities between us. I have already been impressed upon the very invaluable and precious bond of Banner Health and Edenbrook and hope today will also add on to that. I’m looking forward to the other ways that you have suggested for this partnership, all to help our patients.”, you say.

“Oh my, if this is who Edenbrook is recruiting these days, our partnership is very sure to exceed high expectations.”, they say. Dr. Ramsey nods in approval. They all start negotiating deals, which end in their favour and not-so-good for Edenbrook. Dr. Ramsey looks to you for help.

“Okay, time to pull out all the stops!”, you mentally prepare yourself. You launch into a very persuasive but subtle argument slowly shifting the deal in Edenbrook’s favour. By the time you’re done, the execs have given their consent and you just got them to add a lot of benefits starting from loans to better rates on different services including neurological and cardiac.

“Thank you, Ethan and Arielle for the pleasure. Perhaps we could meet for a round of golf next week to hammer out the fine points.

“Oh hell no!”, you think.

“Oh! Dr. Ramsey is busy next week but how about later tonight?”, you say. They’re about to agree when you drop the bombshell. “Dr. Ramsey and I have an appointment later this week at the shooting range and self-defence center downtown. Don’t worry, I have quite a few guns to be spared, but be warned, I’m quite experienced.”, you say trying not to burst out laughing seeing their shocked faces. You catch Dr. Ramsey which a not-so-well hidden smirk on his face.

“That’s quite alright, we both have made many commitments later this week.”, say frantically say.

“That’s alright, another time then.” A few minutes later, they both leave claiming they had to go. As soon as they leave, you burst out laughing.

“That was quite an act you put on there.”

“Who said it was an act?” He gives you an incredulous look.

“Anyways, it was quite impressive how you shifted the deal in favour to Edenbrook.”, he says questioningly.

You sigh. “Pretty much everyone in my family are lawyers, different areas though. I picked up a lot of skills when watching their hearings.”

“You’re quite good at it. May I ask why you didn’t follow their path.”

“...My godfather was also a doctor. He would tell me stories of how he was able to save lives, make a difference, experience all the love, pain, loss, heartbreak. And I fell in love with it over time. My father wasn’t supportive of it though. I don’t know what went wrong. When I was a child, we had an unbreakable bond. Over time, he buried himself in his cases, that bond slowly evaporating. My brother always knew that I would work in the medical field and was very supportive. When I announced that I had gotten into Johns Hopkins for med school, my father was angry and didn’t support me. He claimed that I had led his hopes up and shattered them, when all along I always was hinting about my dream to become a doctor. We both said hurtful things that a father nor daughter should ever say, that night. After that, I cut off all contact with him.”, you carefully say making sure not to give any clues that Dr. Banerji is your godfather.

Ethan’s PoV:-

You’re shocked. Utterly shocked. You’d never guess that this bright, cheerful, kind intern had such a rough childhood. Especially when your’s made you turn out like this.

“I believe you made the right choice.”, you assure her.

“That means a lot to me.(more than you could ever know)”, she says and whispers.

You both relax and lounge on the comfy sofa, watching the game.

You notice the sun setting as the game ends. “It’s quite late, how will you get home?”

“My friends and I came here by my car, but I told them to take my car when they said they were leaving early. I spent all my money on food so I’ll take a train or something.”

“I’ll drive you home, it’s the least I can do.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s alright. Let’s go.” You lead Arielle to your car, at the same time kicking yourself. “Dear god Ramsey, what the hell is wrong with you? Offering a ride!” You convince yourself that it’s just a thank you but you know it’s because you want to make sure that she gets home safe.

Both of you are exiting the stadium and stop when you see Harper.

“Ethan! Thank god you’re still here. I just received the terms of agreement of our deal with Banner. What did you do?” She notices Arielle.

“Dr. Valentine, what are you doing here?”

“She was here with her friends when I saw and asked for help with negotiating. She was the one who turned the deal into our favour.”, I quickly reply.

“Very impressive Dr. Valentine, but do know that this doesn’t make a difference in the fellowship rankings.”, Harper says.

“I know Chief Emery, anyways I haven’t entered the competition. But thank you though.”, she replies. You’re surprised. You thought she had entered, but you never checked the list of participants. You tell her to wait at the car.

“You’re dropping her off?”, she asks.

“She literally just scored us a very big deal. I’m just thanking her.

“Hmm... Well I’ll see you later. Goodbye, Ethan.” You nod and get in your car. Turning on the engine, you drive.

“Where do you live?”, you ask.

She pulls up a location 20 minutes from here on her phone.

“Why didn’t you enter the fellowship?”

“Did you want me to?”, she asks. You don’t answer.

“My first week was hard enough, with a competition that would jeopardise our friendship, I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. Especially when they were the ones who got me through the first week.”

“I understand. A lot of friendships of mine were severed during my residency due to the competitiveness.” You both talk about leisure topics until you reach a tall apartment complex.

“This is me. Thanks for the ride, Dr. Ramsey.”, with that, she swiftly exits out of the car. You reverse the car and drive to your apartment.

Arielle’s PoV:-

You walk up to the entrance of your building, taking the elevator to your floor. You pull out your keys when Jackie opens the door and lets you in.

“I was wondering when you’d be back.” You smile, taking off your shoes and head into the living room.”

“Hey Ari! Join us for a drink!”, says Elijah.

“Nah, I don’t want a drink. But yes for the company.”

“You all better kiss that fellowship goodbye, cause I just solved that case in record time.”, Landry says.

“You do realise that Arielle was the one who did most of it and we all helped.”, Jackie says.

“Exactly, I looked at the clues and diagnosed the problem!”

You laugh with your friends as they playfully egg each other on. You’re going over today’s events, thinking about all the crazy events, when you realise that you haven’t been true to yourself. “Competing makes them stronger.”, you remember saying. You’ve given advice to other people but you aren’t following your own. You bolt up from the sofa, grabbing your purse and keys and head towards the door.

“What are you doing, Ari?”, Sienna asks.

“You smile replying, “Something I should have done way before.” Your roommates give you a knowing smile as you head towards Edenbrook.

You park your car, rushing through the atrium and up the stairs towards Dr. Ramsey’s office. You a minute to compose yourself and knock.

“Come in.”, his professional but baritone voice replies.

You enter his office to see a minimally decorated desk, covered with papers and patient files. He files them away neatly as you enter. “Rookie. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I want in.”

“I made it clear that the cutoff was midnight.” Your eyes follow his gaze to the wall clock. ‘12:02’

“What makes you think that you’re an exception?”

You steady yourself. “I know I can be a good doctor. I know that I can make a difference in people’s lives, like you do. It just took me a little longer to realise it.” You gulp, wondering if you’ve blown your chance.

He smirks and pull out a long list of names, adding yours at the bottom. “You had me worried there. What changed your mind?”

“I always advised other people to follow their dreams, never give up, to take a leap of faith. I realised I needed to take my own advice.” He nods with approval.

“Good Night, Dr. Valentine.”

“Good Morning, Dr. Ramsey.”, you say, pointing at the same clock ‘12:08’. He shakes his head with amusement.

You head out to your car, the cool autumn breeze in your hair, and drive into the night.

“Bring it on.”

[okietrish]

I’m Glad You’re Here.

Warning: This baby includes talk about self harm and suicide. Please read at your own risk.

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x reader

Word Count:  2990

A/N: If you are experiencing anything of this variety please get help, y’all can even message me if you need to. I’m open ears darling.

Also, hello. It’s been a while.

Please enjoy.

__________________________________________

Laying in bed with Jake was always relaxing. Just you and him, music playing low in the background gracing the peaceful, silent moments with rhythm. Talking about anything and everything, from the rain patting against the square window to the complex comparisons of each other's childhoods and the detailed memories. Having only been officially together for 3 months, this was still new to both of you. Happy and new. There was still a lot you didn’t know about each other, the small things that come up in the moment, the things you learn as your observe each other with love and admiration. In moments like this sometimes you take turns spitting out random stories as different topics come in and out of the natural flow of conversation, or sometimes you just sit in sweet silence, enjoying each others steady breathing and music.

You were currently laying in Jake's lap, him sitting straight up against his headboard; fingers playing with yours delicately, absentmindedly even. The entire scene was peaceful and warm, welcoming to trust and comfort. When Jake brought your left hand to his lips, placing delicate kisses to each finger, he noticed the marks on your wrist. Paying him no mind, your eyes closed, transfixed in the steady baseline currently blessing the room, in the company to the rumble of thunder crashing through the clouds. 

This gave Jake the opportunity to look closer, inspecting your skin; noticing three definitive white lines that were about a half a centimeter wide each. One was long, across the entire length of your wrist, placed about three inches down from where your palm ended. The next one was slightly shorter than the first, the last one was the smallest and a bit crooked in comparison to the others, curving slightly up.

“Y/N” Jake hummed, tone soft, fluttering across to you while he kept his hand in yours.

“Yes?” You didn’t open your eyes at first, still drifting within your own little world. With a steady kiss to your palm, your reality returned to the stunning man above you. His gorgeous eyes crinkled at the sides when they met yours, quickly falling closed in thought before he spoke again.

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable okay?” He was nervous, afraid of offending you, afraid of you running from him, afraid of the answer he might hear. He placed another kiss to the back of your palm, to comfort you, but also to give himself reassurance.

“Of course love, I trust you.” Turning your head slightly to kiss his stomach over his t-shirt. The trust you had in Jake came naturally. He listened to understand, to comprehend. He was there to support you through life. In the year you’ve known him, the even smaller amount of time being together romantically, you became transparent with him. It was easy to trust him, even easier to love him.

Jake took a deep breath, looking to your face with a small smile before refocusing on your hand. He took your hand into both of his. Ever so slowly, he ran one finger beside the marks he discovered.

“What are these scars from?” He kissed your wrist then, stamping his question with love before looking back to your eyes only to find them staring off into the empty space of the room. Jake held his breath, wordlessly begging you to speak, to say anything to him, to confide in him.

“I um….” a deep, stuttering breath broke through you chest before you went on, “when I was younger, my depression got really bad. The.. the only way I can describe it is that I felt trapped. I uh, didn’t know what to do, so I turned to cutting myself to cope.” You couldn’t look at him and he didn’t say anything. He just sat there processing what you just said, nodding his head up and down slowly. Placing a delicate kiss on your wrist once more, trailing a line of kisses up to your fingertips again. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Letting go of your hand he gripped the sides of your face, pushing your hair back. “Can we talk about it?”

That was the thing about Jake, he never pushed you. He always asked if you wanted to talk about a specific topic. He knew that you childhood hadn’t been the easiest, he understood that in all due time you would let it all out. Slowly, but surely. He also understood that there was a time and place for conversations like these,  he let you choose when that time was. The respect he had for you was deserving, you held the same amount for him.

“Yeah, we can. I just have never expressed this before, so bare with me, yeah?” You brought your hand up to meet his that was stroking your cheek. You pressed a kissed into his palm, already feeling your heart rate increase.

“I’ll be with you the whole time Y/N, just take your time.” He slipped his hand into your hair, lightly twisting a peace between his fingers while looking at you to continue.

“There were a few years of my life where I really didn’t know who I was anymore. I blacked out a lot of it, other than the bad parts, cause ya know that’s just how life works. You remember the bad shit more than the good stuff.” You giggled to yourself for a moment, Jake let out a laugh as well at your bluntness towards life, something he loved about you.

You sat up, removing yourself from Jake's lap in order to look at him properly, sitting criss-cross between his spread legs. He took your hands into to his own, gently squeezing them.

“I was 12 when it all started. I just remember starting to hate myself, I’m not sure why. I started shrinking into the background of life. Wearing boring clothes, not talking as much, becoming an observer. But the thing is with being an observer, it’s so easy to start comparing yourself to everyone you see. ‘Oh I’m not as skinny as her.’ ‘She has so many friends, I’ll never have that.’ It started off with just me thinking I wasn’t good enough. I hated myself, it was easy to internalize because no one really paid any attention to me. I was alone, but it was my choice to be that way. In a weird way it was comforting. I started to like it.”

“It’s weird how we can become so used to ourselves, even if that version of ourselves isn’t healthy.” Jake added, connecting to your complex mind. His heart broke with the memories you expressed. He wished he was there for you, knowing the impossibility of it all. He still wished he could have been there for you somehow. It hurt him to know how much pain you carried at such a young age.  “When did it become physical for you?”

“I think about freshman year of high school… Or around that time, I’m not really sure.” The shutter in your voice gave truth to your pain. How it all still lingered, how it always will. 

“Why then? What changed after those years?” Jake’s voice was soft, not an ounce of judgement ran through it.

“People started noticing me. They noticed how outcasted I was and began to bully me. It’s one thing me to hate myself, but when other people started to vocalize what I had been thinking for years it wrecked me. It was like they were giving truth to all the things I thought. It wasn’t my choice to be alone anymore, they surrounded me with their judgment and exiled me. Looking back at it now, what they use to say sounds so dumb.” You rolled your eyes at the thought of it all.

Jake smiled at your expression, “What did they say about you?”

“Oh ya know I was overweight so they called me fat and ugly. Plus, I wore men’s clothing and had an undercut, so they called me a dyke and a lesbian. I got so defensive…”

“Well Y/N you do like women too!” He raised his eyebrow at you, tilting his head slightly forward with a smirk.

“Yes Jacob I know this!” You laughed out, “Time really does change your perspective on things.”

“That’s very true. If someone called you a dyke today you would probably just agree with them and walk away” He chuckled at the idea of it. You were so confident in sexuality now, to think of a time where you weren’t was hard to imagine.

“You love your masculine girlfriend, don’t deny it.” You leaned in and placed a heavy kiss to Jake’s lips. He hummed into it, pulling away slightly to place his forehead to yours.

“I do… Mostly because you have a great style and I can steal your clothes.” You huffed in response, pushing him back slightly sending him into a quick fit of giggles. Seconds of silence followed, quietly resettling the serious tone into the room.

“I was so young and insecure,” you explained, “ I didn’t want anyone to look at me in general, let alone in a negative way. It got really bad. I was heckled in the hallways, even got shoved against the lockers once. People posted shit about me on twitter. I really couldn’t get away from it anywhere. My home life was terrible, my parents didn’t pay attention to me. So I uhh, kinda just shut off my emotions. I became numb to it all. I just took it as it came.”

Jake’s hands found their way to your thighs, tracing patterns as he listened intently. “Did you tell anyone?” He questioned.

“No.” Your eyes dropped away from his, staring at his hands that seemingly froze at your uncharacteristically short reply.

Jake lightly pressed his fingers into your skin, grounding himself to you before asking, “Why not?” 

“I thought I deserved it.” Tears were in your eyes now, welling up quickly, one falling directly onto Jake’s hand as you tilted your head up seeing that his eyes mirrored yours.

“Oh Y/N…” He said more to himself than to you.

“And ya know, it wasn’t scary to me. It was so normal. Rock bottom was my new home.” You sniffled before continuing. “Being numb doesn’t last forever though, your mind craves emotion, it craves some sort of feeling. I needed to feel something, but emotions weren’t an option.” A steady flow of tears were gracing your cheeks, the kind that weren’t accompanied by a sob. They were lonely tears reminiscent of a time were you were as well. 

“I was in the shower one day shaving my legs and I accidentally cut my ankle with the razor. I jumped, obviously, because it hurt. I watched the blood run down the drain. Then I did it again to my thigh. Over and over and over again.”  Jake pulled you into a hug then, needing to hold you while you continued, crying on his shoulder, gripping onto the back of his flannel.

“I did it because I could control it, ya know? For that short moment I was in charge of the feeling, even if that feeling was pain. I kept it to my thighs and my hips in order to hide it. I didn’t want anyone to see them and think I was weak, or attention seeking. It was the opposite of that. They are covered in little white lines, but my tattoos cover most of them.” Jake pulled back from the hug and wiped your tears away with both of his thumbs.

“But you have three on your wrist.” He was confused. “You hid them on your thighs and hips, why switch for a moment to your wrist?” He looked at you expectantly, but you didn’t reply. You just stared at him blankly. “Y/N, you don’t have to tell me, if you can’t love. You’ve already given me so much, you don’t have to.” 

You shook your head, “No. Thank you, but I need to... I want you to know.” A small smile flashed onto your lips, but quickly fell. 

Jake nodded along with you, ready to listen to whatever you were willing to tell him, “Okay love.”

“My wrist was um, the last time I did it.” You looked at him, waiting for a comment. The way he looked at you warmed your skin. His eyes were glistening with tears, yet he was fully invested in everything you had to say. His eyes shifted down, quickly blinking to clear his vision, before he spoke just above a whisper.

“Why your wrist though?” His eyes took yours into their stare, depicting his love for you in one look. You were letting him see into your soul and make a home there. You looked back to him with the same sense of affection. Your eyes were strong, open wide enough for Jake to see them dilate as you thought. The small line between your brows became evident as your mouth slipped down at the sides. You eyes never looking away from Jake’s.

“That’s where I could hit my artery the easiest.” A frightening sense of clarity came through your voice as you spoke, a juxtaposition to your normal fluctuating tone filled with untamed pitches. You were sure in your words. 

Witnessing Jake process what you meant was almost as painful as experiencing it. His eyes squinted quickly in confusion at your statement. Not understanding what your meant, his eyebrows knotted as his head quickly shook, as if he was shuffling all of his thoughts into place. After a moment his eyes grew wide in realization, diving into yours with a look that you can only describe as fear laced with heartbreak, as if he was silently asking you for confirmation to what he never wanted to hear. When you nodded your head slightly tears immediately filled his eyes, running down his face falling onto his shirt. 

“Y/N.” His voice cracked, losing strength at the thought of you trying to take your own life.

You cried with him. Seeing Jake so upset was enough to make you sob, but seeing him be so distraught over the pain that you felt so long ago... The idea that someone cares for you so much, so much to cry for you, to cry with you. The idea was overwhelming. Overwhelming with love, so much love. 

You placed your right hand to Jake’s cheek, softly caressing it as he leaned in, tilting his head into your hand. 

“But I failed. I’m alive.” You couldn’t help but smile at the sweet man in front of you who sniffled as you spoke. “It was the failure that lead me to so much success. I got the help I needed, I figured out who I was. Who I REALLY was, in a healthy perspective. For a while I didn’t know what to do with myself. Being happy was so unfamiliar, it was terrifying, at times it still can be. I had to learn what if felt like to feel again. After years of my mind telling me I wasn’t worthy of happiness, I finally got it. I worked my ass off for it.”

Jake pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you as he spoke softly into your ear.

“You are so strong. How you are still so kind and loving after going through hell amazes me.” He pulled back in order to look into your eyes once again, leaving his hands resting on the sides of your neck. “I am so happy that you failed, that you’re still here. You deserve to be here. Your soul is far too beautiful to leave the Earth so soon.” 

Crimson raised to your cheeks at his compliments, still is awe at how someone so wonderful thinks the same of you.

“I love you, ya know” He quirked up a smile at his own words causing you to giggle.

“Yes, I know. I love you too.” 

You both fell into a trance of admiration and bliss, only to be interrupted by Jake’s eyebrow raising in question. 

“What’s that look for?” You laughed at you pressed your finger to his eyebrow, jokingly pushing it back into place.

“Why didn’t you get a tattoo to cover the scars on your wrist? I mean you covered the ones on your thighs and hips and you have other tattoos as well, so why not here?” He pressed his thumb to the light white lines, once again examining them, noticing how they are slightly raised to the touch.

“I don’t really know honestly. I thought about it for a little while, after I got my hips done, but I kinda like them, as a reminder ya know? As if they are a tattoo of their own variety, there to show me what I’ve been through. That if I can make it out of that alive, I can do anything.” Your hand joined Jake’s as you spoke, gently running your finger over your physical memories. Jake huffed in response.

“Wow...” He looked at you baffled, trailing off at the end of his word.

“Wow?” You giggled at his blunt comment.

“You’re amazing.” He kissed you sweetly, holding your face in his hands before abruptly pulling back, dramatically opening his mouth in shock before smirking at you.

“I just can’t believe that I get to date the strongest, kindest, most beautiful dyke in the world. It’s a fucking honor.” 

“JACOB!” You cackled at his comment.

“What? I love my sexually ambiguous girlfriend.” He shrugged his shoulders as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You’re damn right you do. I’m fucking great.” You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a longing kiss. 

“I’m glad you’re here, ya know?” Jake said with his lips still brushing yours.

“Me too.”

_________________________________________

Self indulgent much? HA!

I hope you enjoyed, as always let me know what you think and all that jazz. I haven't written something in forever, so this feels good.

Tags: @bigthighsandstupidguys @dontumisfire @myownparadise96  

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Thank you so much.

All my love,

Trish.

[spideycents]

B-Roll // Shawn Mendes - 9: still rolling

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Table of Contents

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I'm over-thinking everything.

Allen is quiet, but the sun did just rise so I don't blame him. He only has a few tattoos and they're small so it's not a big job.

But I am over-thinking everything.

Nothing with Allen. He's fine.

I'm still thinking about Jake. I had too big of a reaction to him and I'm annoyed. I hate that I let him get to me. I'm usually much better at keeping my walls up and just ignoring him and moving on. He's said worse. He's done worse. I've dealt with worse. Today was practically nothing. I mean, he was actually weak today. He was off his asshole game. They weren't even good insults.

Is he right though? Am I on my period?

No.

God no. I'm not doing that. I'm not letting him have this. He's not right and he will not make me doubt myself.

But I'm still thinking about him, what he said. Why? This is so stupid.

I don't know why today is a particularly bad anxiety day for me, but you know, here we are.

Gah, I'm such a mess. I'm just the worst.

Why does Jake even bother with me? There are so many other people he could torment! Why he gotta pick me?!

"Do I have a really big pimple or something?"

I pause right before resting my brush against Allen's jawline and look into his eyes. "What? No, you're good."

A crease appears between his eyebrows. "You sure?" he presses.

I nod, "Positive. Not a bump in sight."

He sighs. "Good."

I go back to evening his skin tone.

"Cause you looked really bothered," he continues. "And I was worried it was me."

"Oh no, it's not you," I assure him. "It's just one of those days, you know?"

"Monday?" he adds.

"Yep."

Maybe it is just Monday. Monday's are usually especially sucky.

In an effort to try to turn the day around, I'm more talkative than normal for the rest of the morning. Allen and I talk about life. He tells me about his career so far in small indie movies, that this is the biggest movie he's been a part of, his favorite film festival is SXSW because he loves that it's a celebration of all kinds of art, not just film. I tell him about working as an extra for the past couple years and why I suddenly decided to get into makeup.

"Is it your dream to be a makeup artist?" he asks while we're hanging out at crafty between setups after lunch.

I shrug while I grab a few bags of gummies. "Not really."

"What is your dream then?"

"I honestly don't know. I haven't decided yet."

"Then why are you doing this?"

I pour myself a cup of water from a cooler while he sips tea from an Einstein Bros. thermos he brought from home.

"Because it's something I know how to do and I'm good at it." I smirk as I add, "and it pays the bills."

I think he's trying to get some deeply profound and bullshit therapy monologue from me, but it's not going to happen. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life or what my goals are. This is just where I'm at right now and it's what I'll be doing for the next month or so. I'm taking things day by day right now.

At some point, Allen's questions become too much for me and I escape to my chair in one of the classrooms down the hall from the library where they're filming. The cast has a classroom for holding and the crew has another right across the hall. Crafty is in the hallway between the two. Since I was one of the last people to wander over here at the beginning over the day, my chair is nearest to the door. I'm definitely going to move tomorrow because, as sweet as Allen is, he tries to catch my eye every time I look up and you know, sometimes people just want to be left alone.

I'm responding to a text from Michael asking how the day's going so far when a loud cackle echoes down the hallway, quickly squashed by a harsh "shhh" from someone else.

As a group of guys enters the room, I look up and instantly regret it.

Jake's eyes connect with mine for a brief second before he looks away, but unfortunately for me, he does a double-take and walks back a few feet and stops in front of my chair.

"Sup?" he nods at me as he leans against the wall.

I roll my eyes. "What do you want?"

We both speak in hushed tones so our voices don't carry.

He puts a hand over his heart. "I'm hurt, Lyla. Maybe I just want to spend some time with my old friend."

I want to laugh. "When were we friends?"

He pouts. "We're youth group buddies. We have to stick together."

"I haven't even looked at that church in 5 years," I say flatly. "What do you really want?"

"Fine." He steps away from the wall. "You want me to be frank?" He stands with his feet apart and his hands folded behind his back. His voice is clear when he says: "You owe me."

I laugh, but I keep it quiet. "I don't owe you a thing. Go bother someone else."

He doesn't leave, doesn't even flinch.

"How are you even here?" I ask. "Weren't you an extra? We wrapped them all on Friday."

He puffs out his chest slightly and flicks his nose with his right thumb before smirking at me and folding his arms over his chest. "They needed another wardrobe assistant."

"Bull," I laugh. "There are at least 10 wardrobe people. That's enough."

"Apparently it's not," Jake's tone shifts like he's talking to a little kid.

"Leave me alone Jake," I say again.

I think he stands up straighter and plants his feet firmer into the floor.

"I don't take orders from you," he says.

"It wasn't an order," I correct him, "but if you took it that way, that's your problem. Not mine."

His hands drop to his sides, his fists are balled. He opens his mouth to retort, but he's cut off.

"Hey Lyla," Shawn steps up behind Jake and we both look at him. "They need you on set."

Um...

They most certainly do not. They’re rehearsing with second team right now.

What are you doing, Shawn?

"No, I don't think they do," I say as I shake my head slowly.

Shawn's looking right into my eyes and I catch the subtle flick of his eyebrows and the urgency in his own eyes.

"I mean," he says. "Kevin told me to come get you."

"No, I didn't," Kevin speaks up from across the room.

I pull my lips in to refrain from giggling.

Shawn's as red as a tomato.

"If someone really wanted me," I joke. "They'd have sent a PA, or come themselves before they sent an actor. Especially you."

Shawn's jaw tightens.

I might have taken that too far.

He continues: "They need you f-"

I widen my eyes, a nonverbal plea to get him to stop, and Shawn's nostrils flare when he stops talking. I try to soften my gaze so he knows that whatever he thinks is happening, isn't. But, I'm not sure he's getting it.

He takes a deep breath, his shoulders rise and fall. He hasn't broken the eye contact once.

"Can I talk to you?" he asks calmly and when I pause for a few seconds, he adds: "Please?"

I have two choices. First: refuse and keep this up until he gives in, which probably won't happen. He seems fairly stubborn, so he'll probably end up making a scene or dragging me off with him. So, really, I'm left with the second option: go with him.

I really don't want to do this right now, but I clearly don't have a say in the matter.

I stand up and follow him, without acknowledging Jake. Who is apparently bothered by this, because he whispers as I pass:

"Tell your boyfriend to stay out of other people's business."

If it were physically possible to breathe fire, he'd be a pile of ash on the floor right now.

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Happy International Women's Day from Lyla and all the kickass women in this story!