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whiskeybeforesunset · 1 year

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Ghosts | Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Synopsis: Reader is with Joel and Ellie as they enter Jackson. Fair warning, this is going to be more of a slow burn. There’s a nice vulnerable moment between reader and Joel, and indications of rising tensions between new and old family.

Warnings: Panic attack, reference to death of characters (Sarah), I’m pretty sure that’s it.

Author’s note: Joel is probably out of character, it's been a few months since I watched the show. Reader has a dead brother. I’ve tried to keep this one gender neutral so everyone can enjoy it. Time’s a bit wibbly-wobbly and I think I ended up moving some things around to make more sense for this story. I’m planning on doing a part two, not quite sure where I want it to go though. On a more personal note: This is the first time I’ve written a fanfiction in a few months and also the first time I’ve ever done it sober. Who knows whether that will make it better or worse. I did miss writing so hopefully I’m able to keep up with it now that it’s summer. Hope you enjoy it.

Next Chapter

___

Your eyes shift around the entryway of the home Joel, Ellie, and you have been boarded for the night. It’s cozy, you think, would make a nice family home.

You notice some patches on the walls of the living room, and walk further into the house to take a closer look. Rectangles, a slightly darker shade of green then the paint surrounding them, spaced out as if… as if they were frames hung on the wall.

You make a somber correction to your previous thought: this was a nice family home.

Before your melancholy can fully settle in, you hear the front door open.

“Ellie?” You call out, thinking she had returned from her time with Maria. Giving a glance through the hall you instead see a frazzled looking Joel.

“What's wrong?” You ask, making your way back to the entryway. His eyes shift from you to the door, like a startled deer determining the best way to avoid danger. Ultimately, he seems to decide he would rather deal with your questions than face whatever he saw outside.

“Nothing.” The word leaves his mouth breathlessly. You watch as his chest quickly rises and falls.

“Joel-” You say calmly.

“I said, I’m fine.” He says more assertively this time, glaring at you through his eyebrows.

“Tell me what’s going on.” You respond, unwilling to let up on the issue.

“It’s nothing.” He turns from you and starts to walk through the house, looking for some other room to escape to.

“If there’s something important, something with Tommy.” You start to follow him.

“Just stop!” He turns around and yells.

You find eyes with tears in them. He looks utterly defeated. You meet his gaze not with pity, but with recognition.

“There was a woman,” he starts, “in the square she… she looked like Sarah. And,” he pauses to take a breath, contracting chest making it difficult for him to speak. His eyes frantically dart, as if the movement will prevent tears from falling. “And she had a kid.” He finishes with a wet sob, ducking his head.

You nod sympathetically. Joel had told you about Sarah. Not all the details, but enough. Enough for you to know what seeing that would mean to him.

You look at the man before you, who so often acts as an unstoppable force of rage, reduced to tears.

Putting a cautious hand on his shoulder, you say “there’s a guy back in the QZ, he uh,” you pause as he takes in a shuddering breath. “He looks just like my brother.”

Joel lifts his head slightly at this. It’s not as if in these times it’s surprising to find out someone has lost someone important to them, but similar to how Joel doesn’t talk about Sarah, you rarely mention your brother.

“I mean he never,” you pause, finding refuge from Joel’s gaze in the wall's patterned discoloration. “He never got as old as this guy, but dammit if he’s not the spitting image of him, ‘specially from behind.” You give a sad laugh, tears beginning to form in your eyes as well.

“Anyways, when I used to see this guy around, I would uh,” you pause, noticing that Joel had begun uniformly breathing again. Good, he was starting to calm down. “I would stand behind him and pretend it was my brother. And that at any moment he was gonna turn around and make some stupid comment about my shoes being beat up, or my hair looking like a rats nest.” You finished, running your other hand through your hair self-consciously.

“Used to?” Joel’s gruff voice pulls you out of your trains of thought.

“Yeah, well,” you look up at him, noticing your proximity for the first time. Your head quickly turned back to the wall before continuing, “a- after a while he started to notice me more. I think he thought I was scoping him out to mug him or something.” You felt your hand, still on Joel’s shoulder, shake as he laughed. “I, uh, I had to stop after he pulled a knife on me.” You say, finishing with a sad grin. You pause, reflecting on the current state of the world, and the degree to which a wariness of those around you is necessary to survive.

“Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, I know what it feels like to have those moments…” You once again return your gaze to Joel. “If you ever want to talk about it- this, or anything else, I’m here for you.”

He nods slowly, looking back at you. His eyes are slightly puffy and glossy from crying, cheeks and lips flushed. Both of you are breathing heavily as you recover from the emotionally heightened moment. Your hand on his shoulder moves down and into a more comfortable position, resting on his chest.

At the movement Joel clears his throat and takes a step back. Your eyes find the floor as he stiffly thanks you and excuses himself. Your hand finally reaching your side as he closes the door.

That was certainly… odd, you think to yourself. Your thumb dances over your fingertips as you consider the events of the last few minutes. In memory, you’ve never seen Joel that vulnerable. Hell, you barely got his last name out of him after knowing him for years, nevertheless had him cry in front of you.

And what was that at the end? It was as if he… no- you had to have imagined it. He was probably just in some kind of shock, too emotionally overloaded to immediately reject the contact. Yes, that explains the way in which he left. Although he did look a bit…

You sigh, shaking your head. There’s no point in entertaining such thoughts. You need to stay focused on Ellie, keeping her safe and getting her where she needs to go.

…

You spend the remainder of the afternoon taking inventory of your supplies, reminding yourself to thank Maria for the new gloves she had left.

Conveniently, you’re able to do so when she comes by with Ellie, inviting you to come to the movie theater with them. Not one to pass up the rare opportunity, you agree.

The walk there is oddly quiet given how vocal Ellie usually is, but you decide not to bring it up now. You’ll have a chance to talk to her about it more privately later.

The makeshift theater is packed. Maria gestures toward the back and tells you that’s where to find Tommy and Joel.

Right. Joel.

You make your way through the crowd and eventually spot them. The somewhat heated discussion they seemed to be having before your arrival quickly dissipates as Tommy greets you by shouting your name and pulling you in for a short hug.

Maria joins you after showing Ellie her seat, though it’s only a few seconds before Tommy asks her to step outside to discuss something with him. You notice Joel gives him a warning glare as he does this.

You join Joel, standing beside him a very intentional distance away. Not far enough that someone might try and squeeze between you, but enough to try and respect the boundaries you feel you crossed earlier.

“Don’t get this back in the QZ, do ya?” You say as two men set up the projector.

Joel responds with a quick exhale.

“Joel Miller, a man of few words and many grunts.” You say, hoping to break the tension with some humor.

It seems to have worked, he replies back: “What’s that thing you’re supposed to do in theaters?” It’s in an annoyed but not necessarily angry tone. You glance over at him, noting that he must not arrive long before you did as his cheeks are still rosy from the winter weather.

“Oh my god! You’re right.” You say with a sarcastic gasp, “I almost forgot to silence my cell phone.”

“I was thinking more the no talking part.” He says rolling his eyes, but struggling to look unamused with your joke.

You allow the silence to fall over you as the light dim and the film starts up.

At some point during the movie your eyes drift over the crowd to find Ellie. You once again open your mouth, much to Joel’s annoyance.

“It’s nice to see her get to be a kid.” You say quietly. He looks at her and then down to you.

“Yeah… it is.” There’s a pause as the two of you listen to the grainy voices coming through the speakers.

“Joel,” you start, “do you ever think we’re doing the wrong thing?” Turning to look at him, you know you don’t have to indicate what the question is in reference to. His eyes are fixed forward as light from the shifting screen dances across his face.

“Yes.” He says quietly after taking a deep breath. It’s not an unexpected answer, but a haunting one nonetheless.

Your eyes turn towards the screen, and you remain quiet for the remainder of the film.

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nachofuck3r · 1 year

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Writing concept: Being known as the openly gay neighbor in Joel's neighborhood and meeting him after the outbreak

Setting: Joel only heard of the Reader and his sexuality when he and Sarah went to neighborhood barbecues or he took her to Birthday parties. He had no opinion of the readers lifestyle, though his neighbors thought it scandalous and throughly dragged the reader in most of their conversations about sexuality.

Joel actually meet and talked to Reader a couple of times, he usually kept quiet but the reader seemed no different from anyone else to Joel so he treated him like everyone else.

Reader knows though, that the neighborhood has been talking shit about him and thinks Joel to be one of these people since he still willingly participated in most of the occasions where Readers name is slandered.

Actully someone else needs to write this, since I'm sorta still on my own ff atm.

Please :(

#joel miller x m!reader #joel miller x male reader #joel miller #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #tlou show #joel miller x gn!reader

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jempathetic · 1 year

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Hear yee hear yee

Get ready my dudes because me and a upstarting writer have combined our artistic strengths to create a Joel x male reader fanfic!

The first chapter is now officially out and already packing about 4000 words!

Get ready for it my guys and fave fun reading.

#joel miller #Joel miller x reader #Joel miller x male reader #Joel miller x m!reader #The last of us #the last of us fanfiction #The last of us fanarts #Joel miller x trans reader

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littlelou22 · 1 year

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you’re my sunshine | joel miller x fem!reader

summary: you and joel are polar opposites. you are sunshine while he is cloudy. but you’re his sunshine and he doesn’t quite know how to handle that.

warnings: insecure!joel, undefined age gap (reader is in 20s, joel is canon age), judgy ass jackson people

word count: 2.5k

divider credit: @saradika

requested: yes by the lovely and inspiring @pedgeitopascal 🫶🏻 find it here

a/n: second fic, lets gooooo. requests are open, so drop one if you would like (i'm still new at this so i may not do all of them, just trying to get back into writing first)

The people of Jackson were stumped by the three newcomers.

Well, more specifically, they were stumped by you.

They didn’t understand how someone like you came along with the man and the girl.

There was Ellie. Even though she is only fourteen, the girl was wise beyond her years. A young girl that possessed the vocabulary of a sailor. Rough around the edges. Strong willed, incredibly witty, and as sarcastic as one could possibly be.

There was Joel. A man hardened by the cards that life seemed to have dealt him, emotionally stunted, and just plain grumpy. Borderline rude to the members of the community, apart from his brother and sister in law. Over cautious of each and every person in the community.

And then there was you.

A woman who embodies the word sunshine. An optimist. The type to always lend a hand whenever needed. Smiles constantly adoring your face. You can find good in any situation, even during the apocalypse.

So it came as a surprise when the community found out that you were dating the grumpy old man.

If someone had asked when you and Joel had gotten together, you wouldn’t know what to tell them. You don’t know how or when it happened, it just was. It had always been.

The two of you met a few years prior. Tess insisted that they needed another partner, a younger woman to attract a different type of customer. At first, Joel didn’t care. If that’s what the girl would do, then that was that. But when Tess brought you home, it shifted for him. He couldn’t stand the thought of the men in the QZ doing business with someone as sweet as you. As pure as you.

So he looked out for you and in turn, you did the same. Quick hellos turned into small talk which turned into conversations. A pickup turned into a hangout which turned into you going to sleep in his bed every night. It just happened.

You were Joel’s and he was yours. It was simple.

Simple to you, at least. You loved him, it was obvious to anyone around you. You looked at him as if he was the center of the universe. You told him as much, as frequently as he would allow you to. It didn’t bother you too much that he never said it back. Regardless of the small and doubting voices in your head, you knew he felt the same.

Joel, even after years with you by your side, still didn’t quite understand how someone like you could be with someone like him. How someone like him could deserve to be with someone like you. After everything he had done before you, everything he had done to protect you.

But you were. And it isn’t that Joel is complaining, because he is not, he just doesn’t know what to do about it. How to act around you in public with the prying (and equally as confused as him) eyes.

Everywhere the two of you went, the eyes followed. The thoughts of the community consumed Joel’s mind. He knew what they thought of him, hell, what they thought about Ellie. And while he couldn’t stand how they viewed his surrogate daughter, he understood why they viewed him.

He wasn’t kind like you. He didn’t acclimate like how you did. He didn’t offer his skills to better the community. He avoided going to the movie nights unlike you, who embraced the chance to mingle with the community.

Joel didn’t miss the way the people would shy away from you whenever he would approach. How their conversation would abruptly end with a forced goodbye, as if Joel was an intruder to his own relationship.

As the time went by, Joel began to doubt himself. How could someone like you want to be with him? With a past like his? He wasn’t worthy of your attention. Of your time. Of your love.

Hell, Joel couldn’t even bring himself to tell you that he loved you. Even after all the years you’ve spent together. He did, he loved you more than he ever thought was possible after Sarah died. He just didn’t know how to tell you.

Joel wasn’t a man of words, he was a man of action. He showed you that he loved you. Whether it was fixing you your favorite tea in the morning or building bookshelves for the many books you’ve found on patrol, he showed his love through acts of service.

But he was beginning to doubt that it was enough for you.

It started at the Tipsy Bison. Joel had promised to help Tommy repair one of the decks to a house. You weren’t much help with a task like this, to your dismay, so you had wandered off to town with the promise of meeting the brothers when they had finished for the night.

Ellie opted to stay back at the house, feigning sickness. You could see right through her act but knew how the girl had been struggling since arriving in Jackson. How she had been struggling before the three of you even got here. So, in spite of Joel’s obvious displeasure, you granted her the solace that she was silently requesting.

You were sitting at the bar with a group of women, discussing the upcoming holiday and how the town would celebrate it, when the Miller brothers made their appearance in the establishment.

And while your smile grew at the sight of your man, the women around you seemed to tense. As Joel approached you, the conversation faded into quiet murmurs.

“Hi babe,” you greeted as he stopped in front of your stool. You watched as his cheeks flushed at the pet name, the smile you wore only growing. “You and Tommy finish the deck?”

“Not yet,” Joel responded, hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He nodded to the women surrounding you, only receiving a tight lipped smile back in response. “Got too dark and Maria needed him home.”

“The girls and I were just talking about how we could convince Tommy to dress up as Santa for the kids this year. Wouldn’t that be sweet?” You were excited about the idea, evident by the happiness lighting up your face.

“The sweetest,” Joel replied, shifting foot to foot under the watchful eyes of the women around you.

As you filled Joel in on the other plans for the upcoming celebration, the three other women that you had been planning with watched the interaction. It was almost comical to Joel – he was labeled as the rude one, yet these women were looking back and forth between the two of you with obvious confusion. Suspicion towards Joel. And, if Joel was reading it right, one of them was wearing a shade of disgust.

Joel knew he wasn’t the best type of person in the world but to be looked at with disgust seemed a bit too far for him.

“Joel?” Your voice startled him from his thoughts. You had slipped your coat on before beginning to rise from the barstool you had been perched upon. “You ready to get back home? I want to make sure Ellie is okay.”

With a smile and a wave, you bid the ladies a goodbye before turning to your boyfriend. You watched as he forced a nod at them before he began to make his way towards the exit. Falling into step with him, you slip your hand into his coat pocket, lacing your fingers along his with a squeeze. Eyes on his face as you watch him let out a shuddering breath, shoulders tensing even more than they usually were.

You may be an optimist that sees the best in not only every person that you encounter but in the world as well, even if it is a fucked up mess thanks to the cordyceps. You may be a cheerful person with a smile on your face more often than not, even in the face of danger. But you weren’t stupid.

And you certainly weren’t blind.

You saw how the people in Jackson treated Joel. How they looked down upon him. He may not be totally involved in the community, but he helped where he could and when he could. The people of this town operated on favors, but it was hard to fulfill one for someone when you were on patrol as much as Joel was.

Everyone took rotations, yourself included. But Joel took it a step further. Maybe it was his incessant need to protect Ellie and yourself, maybe it was his nature. Or maybe it was just what he thought he could best provide to the community for. Joel was outside the wall more than he was inside of it, patrolling new and old areas alike to ensure the community’s safety. Going on what seemed like endless supply runs to restock any medication, materials, and other things that anyone could potentially even need.

Not only did you see everything Joel did for the community, even if they couldn’t share that view, but you saw how Joel treated Ellie. How he treated you.

How he wasn’t good with words or how he didn’t know how to show affection. But you knew, regardless of if he put it into words, how much he loved his two girls.

You knew he loved the two of you through the surprises he would bring back from patrol for the two of you. Whether it was a book you had mentioned liking in your childhood or hunting down every last remaining can of Chef Boyardee for Ellie, he showed you. Whether it was the old guitar he had traded to get for Ellie on her birthday or the singular flower he would pick for you ‘just because’, he showed you.

But regardless of the bountiful thanks you both had given him, you can see the doubt pooling in his eyes. The disappointment eating away at him at the thought of not being able to give the two of you more. The constant guilt of his past actions. You knew what he thought of himself and you knew that he didn’t think he could ever deserve you.

You just didn’t share that opinion.

So when you hear the women you were previously conversing with snickering about your boyfriend as you walk towards the exit, something snapped within you.

Slipping your hand from his, you practically march your way back to the women, leaving a perplexed Joel behind, watching from the door of the restaurant. Watching as your hand smacks onto the bar top in front of them, leaning over to sneer at each of them. You didn’t get like this often, preferring kindness, but when you did, Joel couldn’t help but gawk at you.

“You may think you know him,” your voice is as cold as your glare. “But you couldn’t even begin to understand the type of person that Joel is. Might I remind you that none of you have been on the other side of that wall, so you truly have no idea what he does every damn day to make sure that you can sit here on your asses and gossip like small town bitches.”

The women before you go silent, jaws dropping at your words. They hadn’t expected someone like you to snap. But the people of Jackson, especially those that were not on patrol rotation, had no idea what it was like on the outside. You had to do what you had to do, regardless of your sunny disposition. Just because you were usually radiating positivity didn’t mean you wouldn’t bite back when necessary.

You take their lack of a response as an answer. “Next time you want to judge someone based on their first impression, maybe try to understand what they’ve been through to get to this point first. If you went through even a fraction of the shit that the three of us went through to get here, you’d actually think before you spoke.”

“That’s not what we meant–”

“Then what did you mean by the constant glares? The whispering when you think no one can hear you? Running away the second you see him?” You raise your eyebrows at them, challenging them to respond. “Please tell me what you meant, I’m sure you had a great reason.”

Their mouths opened and closed, searching for the words but found none. Still in shock over your outburst.

“That’s what I thought. Let’s keep this from happening again, yeah?” With that, you turn and head towards the door. As you pass Joel, you grab his hand and tug him outside. Once outside, you take a deep breath of fresh air, halting in your steps in effort to calm down your racing thoughts.

“W-What was that?” He asks, equally as stunned as the women that got told off by you.

You shrug. “I don’t like the way they talk about you. Or about Ellie.”

Joel shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he stands in front of you. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” you answer simply. “I know how it affects you. How you think about yourself as is. They only make it worse and that’s not okay with me.”

“You can’t blame them,” Joel sighs, rubbing his gloved hand down his face. “They aren’t wrong.”

“They are wrong, baby,” you tug his hands from his face, replacing them with your own by cupping his cheeks. “You have no idea how far from the truth they are, how far you are.”

You thumb his cheeks, a small smile playing on your lips as you think about him. “I know you don’t view yourself in the brightest light, Joel, but you are everything to me. You and Ellie are the best things in my life, I wouldn’t trade the two of you for anything in the world. I would do anything, say anything to make sure that you know how much you mean to me.”

His eyes are glassy as his hands slowly make their way to your wrists, swallowing hard at your words. You know he struggles to hear it, to hear any sort of praise that would go against his thoughts.

“You’re a man of action, not a man of words,” you whisper. “Let me show you how much I love you.”

Leaning up on your tiptoes, you press your lips to his. Joel stiffens, not used to the public display of attention. You hold firm, sliding your hands off his cheeks to wrap around his neck in an effort to pull him closer to you. After a moment, you feel him relax, hands shifting to your hips as he molds his lips against yours.

The two of you stay entangled in each other for a few more moments, lips dancing with one other. With one last peck, Joel pulls back, eyes shining as he takes your swollen lips and flushed skin. He looks at you in wonder, thumb brushing against your bottom lip.

“I love you too,” Joel whispers. “My sunshine.”

And for the first time in a long time, the smile on your face is mirrored on his.

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #insecure joel #still getting used to it #joel the last of us #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #m writes

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covetyou · 7 months

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something wretched about this

Welcome to SWAT! The Kinktober inspired mini-series that grew legs and ran away from me. Each fic in the main series follows a specific kink, as listed below, plus a finale chapter to put the cherry on top.

Full list of warnings and themes can be found in each part, so please heed those before diving in.

If you prefer, you can also read along on ao3.

pairing: joel miller x f!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) - mostly smut with a smattering of plot series summary: Your father has been sick since before the world went to shit, but being sick now just made things even harder. Ration cards were few and far between, and the pills to keep him comfortable were even scarcer. When he can't pay up, what lengths will you go to to protect your entire world? Featuring Joel Miller; self appointed pharmacist, medication supplier, drug dealer and total, utter slut.

✨ = new

main series

the best of the world in the palm of our hands - pussy spanking

my bright future's behind me - anal sex

the dark caress of someone else - threesome - Joel/Reader/Tess

open hand or closed fist would be fine - vaginal fisting

the best of you, honey, belongs to me

oneshots and drabbles

honey, you're familiar The story of how reader and Tess first met, set before the main series. tess x f!reader

when we begin again

✨no shortage of sordid

check out the something wretched rec list for more fics exploring these kinks

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x you #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel x reader x tess #joel miller x f!reader #coveted fics #joel miller x m!OC

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fanfictilltheend · 29 days

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As promised (since I'm late sorry 😭) Snippet 5 of ❤️‍🔥Violent Heart❤️‍🔥 aka stepdad!mechanic!convict!joel x afab!reader fic

I SWEAR I WROTE THIS BEFORE HE WORE THIS OUTFIT ON GOD I LITERALLY SPOKE IT INTO EXISTENCE YOU CAN THANK ME BELOW 👇

Warnings: Nothing crazy just joel admiration and dressing him up 😍

Context: Joel is Y/N's ex step-father. He just got out of prison for killing David and Y/N (age 20) takes Joel shopping for a new wardrobe.

HERE IS A LINK TO A MASTERLIST OF VIolent Heart STUFF TO TIDE YOU OVER

You take Joel shopping. At his insistence it is nothing fancy, just the local department store. That doesn’t stop you from dressing Joel up in ridiculous outfits of your choosing. You make him try on a hawaiian shirt, some golf polos like your dad liked to wear, a pinstripe suit and he lets you because saying no to you has never been in his vocabulary. He acts grumpy on the outside, but you can tell he is amused. You know in the end you’ll just end up buying every flannel shirt and jeans combo they have in the store, but it’s just fun anyway. You watch the fabric hug his torso, his tummy, the slight bulge at his waist. At one point he comes out shirtless and you try very hard not to swoon as you stare at the hair lining his chest and his adorable little tummy that you for some reason have the urge to bite. The band of his Hanes boxers sticks up past his jeans and he looks so good. He even lets out a genuine smile. The middle-aged sales attendant who is helping you even takes a good look at him which makes the butterflies inside you swarm possessively.

Finally you make him try on a proper white-collared button-down shirt and black dress pants with matching black shoes and he looks so good you’re actually at a loss for words when he asks you what you think. They hug the curves and lines and planes of his body so nicely. All you can do is ask him to put on a black tie to match and he does at your behest following some customary griping that he would never wear such a monkey suit in the first place. The effect that a fully dressed up Joel has on you is not one to be reckoned with. He might as well be wearing the mens version of lingerie for how it makes you throb and ache between your legs. He looks like a force of nature, commanding and tall. It makes you weak. All you say is,

“Looking good, old-timer.”

He snorts.

HERE IS A LINK TO A MASTERLIST OF VIolent Heart STUFF TO TIDE YOU OVER

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aliorsboxostuff · 1 year

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MALE!READER WRITING REQUESTS (TEMP) CLOSED !

Come check out my works bellow!

I've seen how devastatingly little male!reader fics are in my big fandoms, and as a gay man i feel like i should provide us with said fics! Which is why I'm opening my ask box for any and all male!readers and gn!readers requests! (Including anon requests!)

RULES:

I WON'T ACCEPT FEMALE!READER FICS REQUESTS. I’m a trans-masc genderfluid, so male!Readers or gn!Readers are the ones that I usually write and am comfortable with. It’s hard looking for male!reader fics, especially in female-dominated fandoms, that's why I'm opening requests for any and all sad and touch-starved dudes out there! If these don't fit your preferences then you are free to leave, and if you're a female user/reader entering my blog, I hope you remain respectful about the fics I write or get requests for, thank you.

NOTE: I NEVER USE ANY FORM OF Y/N IN MY FICS. I find them kind of weird for me to write so my fics are mostly 1st Person POV. I write most of my fics based off on Fixations that may last a couple weeks, months, years. If you've requested something but havent seen the fic, that might be because i've lost interest!

What i will write:

male!reader

gender-neutral reader

Ftm! Reader

Smut

Platonic or Romantic relationships

angst

fluff

comfort

headcanons

nsfw alphabets

drabbles

Series

Age gap (CHARACTERS MUST BE OVER THE AGE OF 19)

What I Won't write:

female!reader

underage characters (anyone under 17)

necrophilia

real people

pedophilia

Omorashi

age play

rape/non-con

incest

offensive/harmful things

THE CHARACTER LIST! Or, characters I will definitely write about if requested!

PEDRO PASCAL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE

Ezra (prospect)

Joel Miller

Javi Gutierrez

Javier Peña

Frankie Morales

Whiskey (Kingsman)

Tim Rockford (yes from the Ad)

TOP GUN 86’ & TOP GUN: MAVERICK

Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw

MARVEL & XMCU

Miguel O'hara (ATSV)

Hobie Brown (Platonic/fluff only)

Pavitr Prabhakar (Platonic/fluff only)

Kurt Wagner (xmcu)

Loki Laufeyson

Bucky Barnes

Moon Knight System

Deadpool

Daredevil

Eddie and Venom (They come as a pair)

BULLET TRAIN

Tangerine

Ladybug

Jujutsu Kaisen

Satoru Gojo

Nanami Kento

Higuruma Hiromi

Ryoumen Sukuna

Yuuji Itadori (Fluff)

Toge Inumaki (Fluff)

DETROIT: BECOME HUMAN

Connor (RK800)

Nines (RK900)

COD MODERN WARFARE II

Simon 'Ghost' Riley

John 'Soap' Mactavish

König

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Chris Knight (Real Genius)

Hannibal (NBC)

The Corinthian (Netflix Sandman)

Leon S. Kennedy (RE4 Remake)

Luis Serra (RE4 Remake)

Understand that these are all works of fiction; I am perfectly fine with writing for topics including mafias, mobs, murder, organized crime, war, mental illness, abuse, etc.; but please do not romanticize them in any way. Reading it is fine; please don't romanticize them in your head.

If any of this provided information may seem confusing or have any questions, feel free to drop a DM and I will explain further! I will try to post fic requests as regularly and as fast as I can!

For refrence, these are fics i've written and uploaded to my AO3!

Steven Grant/Male Reader fluff

XMEN Family Pride Fic

Steven Grant/Male Reader Smut #1

Steven Grant/Male Reader Smut #2

Deadpool/Male Reader Fluff Confession

Deadpool/Ftm Reader Smut

Robert 'Bob' Floyd/Male Reader Fluff

Robert 'Bob' Floyd/Male Reader sunshine x grumpy

Tangerine/Male Reader Fluff/Angst Mature

Tangerine/Male Reader Mature

Tangerine/Male Reader (Escort Fic) Mature

Tangerine/NB Reader Teen&Up

Tangerine/Gender-Fluid Reader (Coming out fic)

Francisco "Catfish" Morales/Husband Reader

Joel Miller/Ftm Reader & Ellie Fluff

Joel Miller & Kid Reader

Joel Miller/Ftm Reader & Tess Fluff a bit Angst

Miguel O'hara/Male Reader Fluff

Miguel O'hara/Male Reader Spicy Fluff

Miguel O'hara/Male&GN Reader Spicy Fluff

Miguel O'hara/Male&GN Reader Fluff slight Angst

Din Djarin/Boyfriend Reader Smut

And the Short Fics/Drabbles on Tumblr!

Pulse (Tangerine/M!reader)

Deep Dive (Namor/M!reader)

Hold Tight (Tangerine/gn Reader)

Ner Mesh'la (Din Djarin/Male Reader)

Trinkets (Kurt Wagner/Gender-fluid Reader)

"Anythin' you wanna be." (Hobie Brown & Ftm Reader)

Little Nap! (Meows Morales Drabble)

Anyone that starts an argument about me writing exclusively for men and gender neutrals alike will get a very passive-aggressive and sarcastic reply to your request. There is an abundance of female!readers fics and writers who provide them; I am just here for people that takes a whole day searching for good male!reader fics. IF you do start an unnecessary rant about my fics or my writing preferences at a given moment; I’ve been in fandom spaces for the last 7 years of my life and run on pure manic adrenaline, I will throw hands.

Without further ado, REBLOG TO TELL ALL DUDES! I OPEN MY FLOOD GATES! WELCOME ALL MALE!READER REQUESTS!

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morallyinept · 3 months

Text

A list of all my favourite JOEL MILLER Fic Recs, with the writers tagged. Includes fics I am currently reading/want to read.

PART 16

Please show some love to the writers by re-blogging and commenting on their work. 🖤

⚠️ Please ensure you check the triggers/warnings etc... on the stories themselves as some of them may not be suitable to your own particular tastes.

Will You Show Me? - @eupheme

A Bad Deal - @jksprincess10 Dark

Ripe - @hier--soir

Snooze - @tightjeansjavi

Don't Do This - @creedslove

Facial - @ezrasbirdie Featuring Frankie Morales

Two Is Better Than One - @pedgito Featuring Tommy Miller

A Mother's Rage - @colonelarr0w

The Webs We Weave - @hyzer34

Somewhere To Run Series - @punkshort Sheriff!Joel

Tender Loving Care - @cavillscurls Husband!Joel

Teacher's Pet - @javiscigarette Virgin!Reader

Choices - @softlyspector

Stuck In The Elevator - @sweetenerobert M!Reader

Mafia Love - @absurdthirst MobBoss!Joel PlusSize!Reader

Footsteps To Follow Series - @exquisiteserotonin Featuring Dave York/Dave York's daughter Alice

Little Dove Series - @mountainsandmayhem

Birthday Kiss - Joel Miller - @something-tofightfor

Boyfriend's Dad Series - @joelscruff Boyfriend's Dad!Joel

Give You Something To Dream About - @kedsandtubesocks

Bad Blood Series - @aurorawritestoescape StepUncle!Joel

Slipped Through - @qveerthe0ry AFAB!Reader

Team Spirit - @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

To Protect & Serve Series - @katiexpunk Officer!Joel

Sweet Remedy - @aurorawritestoescape

Employees Only - @atomicladytimetravel

Cuck Joel Series - @covetyou Cuck!Joel

Pink Haze - @chaotic-mystery

A Kind Of Hunger Series - @familyvideostevie

Do You Like It Here? - @endlessthxxghts

Pretty Little Wife Series - @beardedjoel

Say Yes To Heaven - @psychedelic-ink

Handsome, Dirty, Rich - @pedgito BFD!Joel

What Takes The Edge Off - @sweetercalypso

One Day I'll Fly Away Series - @thetriumphantpanda Princess!Reader

Caught The Bug - @mrsmando

Bullet For You, Darlin' Series - @kewwrites Dark Raider!Joel

The Girl In IT Series - @chiriwritesstuff Boss!Joel

Study Days - @bearsbeetsbeskar

Construction Corner Series - @katareyoudrilling TVHost!Joel

Snowflakes, A Fireplace & You - @swiftispunk

Godless - @javier-penas-wifexx420 Dark Outlaw!Joel

Illicit Affairs - @schnarfer

Meet Me In The New Year - @netherfeildren

Sentiments & Bubbly - @tightjeansjavi CoffeeShopOwner!Joel

You Please, My Pleasure - @pedge-page Sub!Joel

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x m!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller tlou #joel miller the last of us #fic recs #jett's fic recs #pedro pascal characters

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ashandsweets · 1 year

Text

Mine

From my Ao3: 0ASHburg3rs0

Summary: Joel wouldn’t allow himself to get too close. It always turned out the same. People die. Somehow he keeps surviving. Joel had a plan and was sticking to it, god damnit. But he didn’t plan on crossing paths with a shabby little strawberry stand while walking, still drunk, to his shift that morning.

Warnings: mature content aged 18+ only. Minors do not interact.

Part I: Strawberries 🍓

Joel Miller didn’t like people. Sure, he tolerated them before the outbreak and even helped a few after, but the ones he loved always seemed to get taken away from him. More often than not, they were taken by other people. It had been a decade and though sleep was scarce, the same scene stole his dreams night after night.

Sarah and Joel found a beacon of hope. A man in uniform who surely would protect them.

The shots ring out.

Sarah dying in his arms.

Hope dying in Joel.

Today was one of those days where he awoke in cold sweat.

“Shit.”

Joel took off the sweat drenched shirt he had passed out in and searched for the glass of home brewed booze half full on the table near the bed. He took a swig, finishing the amber liquid and savoring the burn down his throat. He stared at the chipping paint on the table. It helped ground him when Sarah’s pained face lingered in his head. When he was feeling especially masochistic, he looked down on the cracked watch securely fastened to his right hand; time always the same.

Sometimes Joel dreamt of his tour overseas. He kept the death and decay to himself. Not even Tommy knew the full extent. Though from the occasional look in his eyes, Joel knew Tommy could guess just how much he witnessed.

Sometimes Joel daydreamed about Tommy coming home, as fucked up as it was to call the QZ home. Those damn firefly’s took Tommy away on countless, and what Joel believed were pointless, missions. What fucking light was there to follow? He never knew when or if his brother would return.

Despite all this loss, he slowly started to make connections with others. Tess was a skilled smuggler and had continuously done right by him. Bill and Frank were a good trading resource to have. Still, Joel wouldn’t allow himself to get too close. It always turned out the same. People die. Somehow he keeps surviving. Joel had a plan and was sticking to it, god damnit. But he didn’t plan on crossing paths with a shabby little strawberry stand while walking, still drunk, to his shift that morning.

“My God…I haven’t tasted these in years.”

“Mommy what are those?”

Joel calmly pushed through the slowly growing crowd. Their looks waned from intrigue to confusion. Some of the younger ones had probably never seen this fruit before. Once he got to the front, his own curiosity grew.

It was a stark juxtaposition. There weren’t very many. Bright red amongst smudged air, smaller than what he remembered at EZ Mart, but a much sweeter scent trying to mask the underlying stench of burning flesh in the far back of the QZ.

“Hello, Sir. I’m only offering a ration per person. Gotta stretch what we have.”

You winked at him and smiled. It was warm, disarming even. Joel didn’t like how it made him feel.

He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head.

“Where uh, where’d ya get the seeds?”

You had the audacity to smirk. As if what he was suggesting wouldn’t get your ass hung by FEDRA. You leaned towards him and he could smell the strawberries stronger now off your skin.

“Lucky, I guess. Found them in the back of my father’s wardrobe before making it to the QZ,” You took a small berry and reached out to Joel as an offering. “He was a farmer. We did alright for ourselves until it was just me.”

Joel considered taking it from you, but turned away and looked down. He didn’t believe you grew that many strawberries from an old pack of seeds.

“Do the officers know you're sellin?”

The puzzled look on your face answered his question. He cleared his throat once more and made ready to continue on to the burn pit for his shift.

“Be careful. I’d wrap this up quick if I were you.”

For a short while, the morning went well. You traded supplies with folks or took currency and your small stash of strawberries nearly sold out. Unfortunately, The stranger’s ominous warning was a prophecy.

By the time Joel completed his shift of out-processing the infected, soot covered his clothes and he smelled a mix of ash and death. That's how you noticed you were no longer alone on the street corner. Confirmed only when your tear filled gaze landed on his scuffed up boots.

“Didn’t clear out when I told ya too, huh?”

It was a question with an obvious answer. You turned up to face him and you could've sworn his stare intensified once it landed on the ugly bruise on your cheek. You felt uncomfortable under the weight of his look and broke the silence.

“No permit. No clearance. I was an idiot…” you bitterly laughed. “Anyway, they took my berries, took my earnings, broke the stall, but were generous enough to leave me with this shiner.”

You motioned to get up, but stumbled, legs wobbling from the toll of today’s events. Instead of landing on the floor, you were embraced by strong arms.

“Easy, now…” Joel didn’t mean to, but he smelled the lingering scent of strawberries off you. “What are you gonna do now?”

You lightly held onto him, feeling strangely comfortable in this gruff man’s grip. “Go home, I guess?”

“You got anyone to help you ice that?” Joe questioned reluctantly. You hesitated for a moment, then shook your head no.

“It’s just me. I rent a room in this apartment with some folks that seem friendly enough. They’re usually out on meetings though. They've asked if I wanted to join them, but I’m just getting my bearings around this place.”

Joel’s stomach lurched. It’d only be a matter of time till one of those brainwashed freedom fighters got you to join their hopeless cause. The same one that makes Tommy go missing on suicide missions. Joel didn’t know why, but he didn’t want you to get swept up into that.

“Why don't you uh, come with me to mine. I can ice it for ya…send you on your way after?”

“That’s really kind. I don’t want to trouble you-”

“It isn’t much. I was going home, you happened to be on the way.” He cut you off.

For some reason, it made you a little sad to realize he didn’t come on his own accord to check on you. That thought made you even more frustrated with yourself. You didn’t know this guy. This QZ you fought so desperately to find, dad’s final wish, was already turning out to be a cold and corrupt place. You could never fathom being penalized for bartering back on the farm. What else would a woman on her own here have to face? The stranger watched you internally struggle, but didn’t say anything.

His warning was right though. That had to count for something. Maybe he wouldn't kill you. Even if he did, would it matter? What did you have to lose in this world, but your life, which didn't feel like it was worth much at the moment.

“What’s your name?” You softly asked, taking a deep breath and finally holding his gaze.

“Joel. You?”

“I’m (Y/N).” You moved back, able to stand on your own feet again.

“Well, (Y/N). What do ya say?”

In the weeks to follow, Joel became more verbal, if you could call it that. You told him the truth about your seeds. Yes, you had kept some from your father’s farm back in Connecticut, but you also knew how to scavenge the environment for seeds, produce, etc. that Fedra was oddly ignoring just outside of the QZ.

“Can’t risk getting infected.” Joel would reason. Though you noticed that never stopped him and his companion Tess from illegally trespassing outside the perimeter at night. They refused to take you.

“So, what makes you like Joel?” Tess had asked one day while sipping a counterfeit version of coffee from their raid last week. She had given you a cup as a courtesy. You found yourself spending a lot of time at his apartment, which Tess frequented too on days with no work. Joel was sleeping on the couch. You remembered him mentioning sleeping better in the afternoon and offered to stick around to wake him in case his radio went off. You didn't know it, but Joel started to stir less when you were there too.

“He’s nice-” Tess’s sarcastic chuckle interrupted you.

“That man is like a brother to me. He’s a lot of things, but I don’t think nice would be one of the first to come to mind.” She took a swig of the lukewarm drink.

You gave a small smile. “Well, after he patched me up, he showed me how to find work the next day.” You gave the dark beverage a swirl. It looked better under the twilight sun filtering in through the window, or hole rather, on the wall to your left.

“I’d prefer to pick from the Earth,” you shot Tess a slightly annoyed look, which she didn't respond to nor miss. “But the food bank has been consistent and consistent makes things almost feel normal..”you paused at that before continuing, “I suppose I like how Joel has been consistent too.”

Tess seemed pleased with your response and nodded in agreement.

It had been a year since you first moved to the QZ. A few things had changed, including your relationship with Joel, though you didn't know how to define it. You had moved in with him after the fireflies began pressuring you to join them. Joel didn't emote much, but came across as pleased with the arrangement. After all, he was getting a fresh meal each night and never protested what you cooked. He sometimes fetched you produce from beyond the QZ and even Tess began making some requests, which you were happy to oblige. It still frustrated you that you weren't allowed to go with them. It made you both frustrated and scared when Joel would return home with wounds from his activities, but you learned how to patch him up just like he did you when you first met.

You settled into a routine; Helping him wash soot from his hair on some days. Him becoming comfortable enough to play songs for you on a pillaged guitar. You learned he had a penchant for the 80’s and he was amused by your enthusiasm for Bon Jovi. On tonight, your QZ anniversary, he promised to teach you how to play. Tess was meeting with Frank and Joel had a separate quick supply run to do before meeting you for supper. At least, he said it would be quick. The sun was setting, your patience with it. Until eventually jangling keys alerted you he was home. You hurried to the door, the simple white sundress you managed to sew for the occasion flowing around you.

“You’re late..” your scolding came to a halt when you saw Joel covered in dirt with a bushel of green stems attached to ruby fruits in his arms. “Are those?”

“Mhmm,” a prideful hum was his only reply. You wanted to run up to him and hug him, but knew better of it. You slowly walked towards him and took some of the strawberries, the dirt already smudging your dress. Joel’s eyes followed their shadow-like marks.

“Hey,” you spoke softly. “Let’s bring these to the sink and get some of the dirt off them,” you wrinkled your nose facing him again, “and us”.

He followed you silently in the handful of steps it took to reach the kitchen. Although small, it felt like the apartment was embracing you both today, making the trek feel more intimate. Once you reached the sink, you pulled out a makeshift strainer, nothing more than a small cooler with a gun shot blown hole through it, and dropped the strawberries in. Joel’s stare was fixated on you. You couldn’t help but laugh at the dirt on his face and wiped some away with a cloth, dampened by the now clear strawberry water. He leaned into the touch, suddenly making you all too aware of how close you both were.

“They smell like you.” He spoke in a thick, husky, southern drawl. The air was heavy between you.

“The strawberries?” You asked, mindfully moving the cloth down his throat, cool beads of water glistening down his collar. Joel continued to lean into your touch when you suddenly stopped at the bit of chest poking through his old button down flannel. You noticed the bob of his Adam's apple and large veins on his neck as he spoke. It excited you, leading to your heart rapidly beating inside your chest. You were suddenly self-conscious Joel would be able to hear it too.

“Yeah…” He was fixated on you, taking a moment to swallow hard. It was then you noticed his hands clenched into fists by his side. You knew him enough by now to know he was restraining himself, albeit not well. Realizing that truth stirred something in you. Embolden, you picked one of the washed strawberries and offered it to him.

“Take a bite.” Joel was reminded of the warmth in your smile from that first day he saw you. The casual way you spoke the command surprised him, but he was drawn to the gesture. Joel attempted to bring his hand up to grab the piece of fruit from you, but you playfully moved it away.

“Hey, now, your hand is dirty. Let me feed it to you.” Your voice was sweet as honey and Joel couldn't help himself but oblige. You always had a way of being so tender with him and he was tired of fighting the urge to comply, to pretend he didn’t enjoy or crave your tenderness. He kept his eyes on you and took a bite of the berry, savoring its mix of tart, yet sweet. It reminded him of you and he silently wondered if he’d ever get to know what you taste like. The sensual act of him eating from your hand and his intense gaze made your lips part, a sight Joel loved to see.

“Mmm..” He groaned against your palm. Your lips quivered at that, which Joel noticed right away. The action broke any hope of restraint and without thinking, he found himself swirling a tongue around your finger, gently sucking on it while maintaining your sight. Your breath hitched. You felt yourself pooling with wetness and heat under the flimsy fabric of your dress.

“Joel..” you gently moaned and he took it as an invitation to move his lips from your finger to your neck, engulfing your space and pushing you against the countertop. You mewled beneath him, feeling the makeshift strainer harshly poke into your back, but didn't care. You wanted him closer and decided to move your arms in a loop around his neck, nudging him to kiss you. Really kiss you. It was a mixture of clumsy teeth initially gnashing from years out of practice, which swiftly shifted to tongues caressing. He tasted like gunpowder and musk. In the commotion of your bodies entwining, your legs had eagerly parted. You could feel Joel just as ready, straining below in his jeans, the sensation poking into your abdomen. You broke apart for air while he just continued kissing your neck, nipping at the skin in a deliciously painful way and roughly pulling the straps of your dress down your shoulders.

“J-Joel…Joel..” your voice trembled in your chest, but Joel intuitively sensed your attempt to get his attention. He locked eyes with you, still very hungry to taste you, but also carefully reading your expression to make sure he hadn't hurt you. You took a deep breath.

“T-the bed…the bed?”

He nodded in understanding. With a strength you didn't fully realize he possessed, he lifted you up and and carried you to the bed, dirt besmirching your dress even further. Once your back made contact with the firm mattress, Joel was all over you again. You couldn’t remember the last time you had laid with a man, but instinctively you wrapped your legs around his waist. He could feel your warmth and wetness, making him groan against your lips. He broke free from the kiss and began peppering your body with kisses, accidentally tearing the top of your dress in the process. He stopped to check and make sure you were ok, a frantic worry on his face.

“I’m ok,” you lightly chuckled. “But I need more of you,” you threaded your fingers through his messy hair. He smirked at that and continued his descent, tattering the dress further until he reached your core. You tilted your head back in anticipation when he slowly pulled down the thin cloth shielding your sex from him.

“You’re beautiful, baby..” he moaned to himself before tasting you, swiping his tongue at an agonizingly slow pace between your folds and sending shivers down your spine. You shook. Hard. He had to grab your hips to steady you so he could continue greedily eating your cunt.

His grip on your hips began to sting, but you enjoyed how desperate he was to hold onto you. You grabbed and pulled at his hair in an equally rough fashion, it was all you could do as wave after wave of pleasure wrecked your body until you were cumming in Joel’s mouth.

Your body continued to writhe under him as you rode out your orgasm. Joel lazily licked up the remainder of your cum and then carefully made his way back to your mouth.

“Just like the damn strawberries,” he huskily groaned before kissing you again, forcing you to taste yourself.

And he was right.

You heard him undo his pants and felt his firm, thick, cock press into your thigh. He hovered above you, taking one of your buds in his mouth to suck and bite, awakening you from the haze of pleasure you’d started to succumb to.

“Turn over,” he spoke in a low command that had you wet again. You slowly did as told when he hovered above your ear and growled, “on your hands and knees.”

You were spent, but mustered the strength to do as he asked. You felt him position himself behind you, tuft of hair warm on your ass and cock slowly beginning to part your folds. You were slick with cum from the first orgasm and felt like a whore waiting for his thick cock to split you in two. You didn't have to wait long. Whatever restraint Joel had was abandoned as he slid into your tight cunt and grabbed hold of your hips again, pounding into you at a pace that had you squealing and moaning.

“Oh, God..” You could hear the pleasure in his deep voice. Hoarse words kept falling from his lips.

“Yes, baby.”

“Fuck, you feel so good.”

“This pussy is all mine.”

“You are all mine.”

“Fuck.”

He reached for your hair, twisting his free hand in it and pulling your head back forcefully, freeing your own whimpers and cries to spur him on. You met his thrusts as his other hand continued to pull you down onto him from your hips.

His cussing kept pouring out as he jackhammered into you, balls slapping against your ass, and you came again, only this time, he did too. His thrusts had become languid as he fucked his seed further inside you. You knew you’d be sore later, but didnt care. You loved how it felt being full of Joel.

“Guess I’m not as fragile as you thought,” you lazily spoke. Joel chuckled and you felt his chest vibrating behind you in a soothing way.

“Maybe you can finally take me on a run outside now. I’m going to need more strawberries.”

“We’ll see..” he said.

“Seriously, Joel…promise me..” you pressed on. He sighed, clearly spent.

“Ok..promise.”

You were the last thing that Joel had in this world. The last thing that was just his. In between light snores and rhythmic grunts, you heard him mumble, but not from the nightmares that often plagued his sleep. No, there was a calmness to his breathing. In fact, you could've sworn it sounded like he said the word “mine”.

#joel miller #the last of us #hbo the last of us #joel the last of us #joel x reader #m/f romance #hurt/comfort #18+ content #no minors #joel smut #ao3 #joel tlou #tlou show #tlou spoilers #pedro pascal #my fic #ao3 fic #the last of us hbo

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whiskeybeforesunset · 11 months

Text

Ghost Part 4 | Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Synopsis: Reader, Joel, and Ellie continue their journey to Colorado. Cute moments between the trio, as well as a late night discussion near the fire between Reader and Joel. Still a slow burn folks.

Warnings: Implied physical abuse (in reference to the Military school Ellie went to), Sexual tension, Imperial measurement system used, Y2K mentioned.

Author’s Note: She’s a little short but I hope you forgive me as it was technically supposed to be half a chapter. Reader is given some more specific personal details due to the types of conversations had on the trip. Reader was a teacher, and it’s implied they have left-leaning political beliefs. It’s also clarified that the reader has known Joel for at least 10 years, so there’s definitely more of a specific age range the reader is supposed to fall in, but I guess you could just ignore that. Ellie is slightly out of character because this girl would never willingly go to sleep but I need it to happen for plot.

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

___

You sway slightly on the horse, now riding side-by-side Ellie and Joel on a wider path. The journey so far has been filled with light banter and Ellie’s endless questions about the time before, wondering if things were different than they are now.

“Back then, there were two main ways of looking at things,” Joel says. “Some people wanted to own everything, and some people didn’t want anyone to own anything at all.” For a moment you’re tempted to interject, to correct the oversimplification, but you ultimately decide against it. It doesn’t really matter now anyways.

“Which one were you?” Ellie asks.

“Neither.” Joel responds. “I just did my job.”

“Which was… building?” Ellie fills in, occasionally glancing at the forest surrounding you.

“That’s right. Houses, stores, that kind of thing.” For a moment you imagine what Joel might have been like before all this. Doing hard, honest labor, coming home to a kid and maybe a spouse. You had met him nearly a decade in, so there was little frame of reference aside from his current behavior. You wondered had you met him back then if you would get to hear him laugh more.

“We were called contractors.” He finishes his explanation.

“The contractor.” Ellie repeats in a silly deep voice, causing you to laugh. “That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah…” Joel pauses. “We were cool. Everybody loved contractors.” Joel said, sharing a grin and a knowing look with you. Thankfully you manage to stifle your laughter, maintaining Ellie’s romanticized view of Joel's previous occupation.

…

You suggest you begin to make camp as the sun begins setting. Taking the steps to create a fire after tying your horses to a nearby tree. You stretch out your back, it having become stiff from the day's journey.

It’s at this point you notice Joel starting to make preparations for dinner, crouched over the fire with Ellie sitting beside him.

“How about you let me handle this tonight, cowboy?” You say from behind him. Ellie laughs at the nickname as he turns to look up at you with an incredulous but slightly amused look on his face. “Take a break.” You suggest.

“I do not need-” he stops, looking at the hand you’ve extended for him to give you whatever non-perishables you’d be feasting on that night. He sighs, but ultimately forfeits and allows you to take over, finding a comfortable stop to wind down at. Ellie remains in the spot she held next to Joel, watching as you make dinner.

“Hey! Wait a minute.” She says excitedly, startling you. “You’ve never told me what you did before.”

“I was a teacher.” You respond with a small smile.

“Oh.” Ellie says, clearly disappointed as her posture deflates.

“Yeah, it’s certainly no contractor.” You say sarcastically.

“I mean, it’s just that you don’t really seem like a teacher.” Ellie clarifies.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You turn to her and ask with a fake offense.

“Well all my teachers were really mean.” She says, pausing as she brings her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on them. “I mean, they yelled and…” she trailed off, staring into the fire. Your face falls.

You’d heard stories about the Military Schools in the QZ. Sometimes younger officers, freshly graduated, would get a little too drunk; say things of an unpatriotic nature that they wouldn’t have otherwise. What horrified you the most is that they don’t even fully grasp the extent of the abuse. So much of it is normalized within those walls.

“I’m sorry, that’s not right. It shouldn’t be like that.” You say quietly while stirring the contents of the pot.

Ellie shrugs, arms moving up to cover more of her face. You sat panicked for a minute, desperately trying to come up with a change in subject to improve her mood.

“Do you know what Y2K is?” You look down and ask.

“No.” She replies, shaking her head.

“Ah!” You say, sitting back slightly from the food. “Well then, let me tell you about a time we thought the whole world was going to end from turning a page on our calendars.” You say in a theatrical voice.

“Wait really?!” Ellie says perking up, a grin forming on her face.

“Yes! And all because of computers…” You say, wiggling your fingers ominously.

…

Dinner was good, well as good as soup from a can can be. Still, the company around you was pleasant with Joel finishing his nap and rejoining the conversation once food was served. After the sun had set, Ellie took to her bed roll and went to sleep. Which left you and Joel to softly discuss your plans for the rest of the journey.

Once the “business” talk was done things quieted down, and your ears filled with the sound of a crackling fire as worry grew about Joel mentioning the previous night.

His head was held straight but his gaze towards his hands. His lips pressed together lightly as he cleared his throat.

“Look uh,” he starts in a low voice, tilting his head to the side as he looks at you. “You were right.” You felt your chest tighten at his words.

“I’m sure I was, but about what?” You say, feigning ignorance. He gives a tense laugh that is really more of an exhale.

“That I…” He pauses, averting his gaze as he sways his head with his words. “That I don't have to be alone, that I don’t have to go through… things… alone.” You nod slowly with a smile.

“I’m glad that you realized that… that you feel that way.” You say in an equally tense tone as you toy with the material of your jacket. A silence falls over the two of you once again.

You briefly look up to appreciate the star filled sky, debating whether or not to say something. However you open your mouth to speak at the same time Joel does, resulting in a string of apologies and insistences that the other go first. Ultimately he wins and you speak.

“With the uh, other stuff… I said.” You say, ducking your head and bringing a hand up to rub the back of your neck. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or,” you gesture your hand at nothing. “Y’know anything like that I just-”

“You didn’t.” He cuts you off.

“Oh, okay. Well… good.” You say somewhat relieved, glad that you hadn’t offended your friend of many years, but still uncertain of where you stood with him. It grows quiet again and you turn to Joel, trying to get a read off him. His brow is drawn together in thought as his mouth opens to speak.

“Did you mean it?” He finally says, turning to look at you. His dark eyes look to yours from less than a foot away with firelight glinting off of them. Both of you had not realized how close you had become in your attempts to quiet the conversation. Your heart quickens in your chest.

“Yes.” You say breathily, knowing what he is referring to. His eyes flicker down to your lips as his own part. You swallow, mouth suddenly becoming very dry. From the corner of your eye you can see his chest fall and rise and quickly as your own, breath becoming heavy.

You both gasp as a log tumble from the top of the fire, startling you. Turning back to Joel you see a blush coming across his face, no doubt reflecting your own.

“You should uh,” he starts, licking his lips and leaning back slightly. “You should probably get some rest.” He says in a hushed voice, lips upturned in a way that is barely noticeable.

“Yes.” You say, pausing as your brain takes a moment to process. “Right, yes.” You stumble slightly when standing up, the blush on your face deepening with embarrassment.

“Good night, Joel.” You stammer out before going over and climbing into your sleeping bag.

“Night.” He says lowly, adding your name to the end. He adjusts his posture, preparing for the next few hours of watch. Just a few feet away you do your best to calm your heart and mind, knowing for certain that was not all just in your head.

___

Taglist, if you'd like to be added let me know!

@Sarahhxx03

@blurredx18

#joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x gender neutral reader #joel miller x gn!reader #joel miller x m!reader #joel miller x male reader #joel miller x masc!reader #joel miller x fem reader #pedro pascal x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #tlou fanfiction #tlou x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x gn reader #pedro pascal x male reader #pedro pascal x reader #angst #fluff

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cristinatheloser · 1 year

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One thing about me is I’m reading a fic whether or not I’ve watched the show/movie that the certain character has been in! Am I confused half of the time? Yes, but is the character and plot line immaculate?Yes

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hheaven-sentt · 8 months

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in the woods somewhere

summary: he's gone, and you're cold | joel miller x gn!reader

word count: 1.9k

warnings: this is just straight angst, strong language, violence, mentions of grief and loss (mentions? girl that's the whole plot), barely beta'd, romance if you squint

notes: i saw one edit on tiktok that gave me a brain worm and this happened. have a look on ao3

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Boots on snow. The crunch beneath your feet spurs you forward with each step. There’s blood, oh God, there’s so much blood.

The lights haven’t been on in days. The whole house is colder than the frigid air outside, the windows frosted up from the ice storm that hit two nights ago. Two nights. The fireplace holds logs that he touched. His mugs are still on the counter. His jacket sits, foreign and empty, across the back of the couch. A lone pair of boots stares you down. Your whole body hurts, aches with a feeling that you can’t place and can’t describe in any way other than pain. You run your hand along the banister of the stairs, eyeing the dents and marks made from when you moved in.

Maria does her best. You can’t blame her. If it were her, you’d do the same thing. Deep down, you wish she’d leave you alone. The air is stale against your skin, runs cold in your lungs. There’s a stabbing pain at the base of your neck that you can’t make go away. You haven’t cried, not yet. You know it’s coming, can feel it every time someone approaches the house forlornly and leaves flowers with a melancholy note at your doorstep. They always linger for a moment more, as if they know you’re drifting like a ghost between rooms, watching from the window. The yard is covered in vases and jars, littered with papers and trinkets, all of which he’ll never see.

You didn’t say anything when Ellie left. You squeezed her hand, gave her a knowing look, and that was it. There was nothing left to say. You’d long since given up on getting between the two of them, this was for her to do. You trusted her. It didn’t matter that your bones ran cold and your blood stopped moving when her horse disappeared into the frost without so much as a glance backward. She didn’t care if she didn’t make it back. You bite back the feeling that, maybe, you didn’t care either.

You don’t blame her, it’s not her fault. You know that. Sometimes, it just feels like everything that’s happened leads back to Ellie. It begins and ends with her. You’re not stupid enough to ignore that, but you’re not evil enough to acknowledge it either. You love Ellie as if she were your own blood, have had the pleasure of knowing her, and yet, you find yourself wondering if things would be easier if she stayed away. There’s nothing left to say.

Boots on snow. The crunch beneath your feet spurs you forward with each step. There’s blood, oh God, there’s so much blood. Ellie is screaming, hollering without purpose, making her throat hoarse with each wail. You stand still in the doorway, staring endlessly at the sheet they haphazardly draped over his form.

You don’t want the pity stares. You don’t want the sympathy. It’s unnecessary. It won’t bring him back. It won’t give you just a little more time.

He’s a lump beneath the sheet, crumpled and frail. You feel the bile in your throat, bubbling like a burning soup. You can’t break here, not while everyone’s watching. Ellie yells at you, demands to know why you’re so calm.

“How can you just stand there?” she screams. She’s powered by rage.

You’re angry, too. You scream into your pillow, throw things, wail until your breath gives out and you collapse. It quiets your mind, for a moment, to be angry. You can almost hear him telling you to calm down. You can feel his large hands brush over your shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze before he asks if you want to lie down. You always accept.

Jamie’s at your door. She never comes to call this early, so you know it must be something important. There’s a storm in full swing on the outskirts of town. She barely gets a word out before you’re putting on your boots. Boots on snow. The crunch beneath your feet spurs you forward with each step. There’s blood, oh God, there’s so much blood. When you kneel down beside him, Maria doesn’t let you look at him. You place a delicate hand on his back–it’s stiff and unmoving, and so very cold. You feel a pain in your chest.

You try to remember what he sounds like. The low timbre voice that’s honey sweetened and made especially for you. He was warm. He was everything.

He kissed you goodbye that morning. Promised he’d be home later with a good story and the blanket Maria had made. His coffee mug was still hot when he left. His body was still warm.

Nights are the worst. The house is too quiet, each creak fools you into thinking he’s just walked through the door. Each time the house settles, you bolt upright, believing, just for a moment, that he’s home. You want nothing more than for that to be true. It never is.

A day later, and his smell is almost gone. You’ve cleaned up the mugs finally, set them back into their place beside the stove where he likes them. His muddy footprints have been scrubbed clean from the floorboards. You shove his coat in the closet. For a moment, it feels like his coat is holding onto you, begging you to not let go. You slam the door shut. Tears prick at the back of your eyes, your nose twitches. You take a breath, and keep going.

Boots on snow. You’re sprinting to the stables before you can think. Careening through the woods, something at the back of your mind wants to believe he’s alive.

You pack his things away. You push them to the deepest corners of your mind before they threaten to swallow you whole. Sometimes, you think that if you close your eyes and think hard enough, he’ll come through the door and shake snow all over the floor you just cleaned. He’ll smile and apologize while you pretend to be angry, and then he’ll kiss you. Everything will be as it was.

“Promise you’ll pick up that blanket from Maria on your way in,” you say. His chest rumbles with a chuckle.

Pressing his lips to your hairline he says, “Promise. Tommy said he’d remind me, too,”

“Be safe,” you say, laughing and pushing him toward the door. “Come home,”

“Wouldn’t dream of stayin’ away,” he says, giving you a smile.

It’s not survivor's guilt. You don’t feel guilty for living while he doesn’t. You don’t wish it would’ve been you. The thing is, you didn’t want it to be either of you. You wanted to finish your life here. You wanted to grow old, something that wasn’t in the cards just a few years ago. You wanted him. Trading places wouldn’t solve anything, it would just shift the anger.

“You need to get out of this house,” Maria says, sipping coffee at the table. She’s using one of your mugs; no one touches his except for him.

“I need to clean,” you say. “Then I can rest,”

And clean you do. You clean until the house doesn’t look like it’s lived in anymore. Aside from the pictures, there’s no indication that anyone has ever set foot in the house.

Ellie’s worse for wear when you see her next. You’re surprised when she hugs you. It’s bone crushing, threatens to kill you. And you cry. You haven’t cried, not yet, but you do now. You cry for everything that’s happened. Ellie grips the back of your shirt like she’s making sure you’re still real. You don’t feel real. You feel like a hollow mannequin posing as yourself, imitating your words and mannerisms. But you cry like a person.

You brush hairs away from her face, taking her in between the blur of tears. She’s missing a piece of herself. Hell, you are, too.

Dina gets more swollen as the days pass. You don’t visit. Tommy relays the information with a solemn tone, one that says just go say something. You don’t have anything to say. There’s nothing to talk about. The bridge that held you and Ellie together is six feet under, and you’re not strong and constant like Tommy, you can’t bring her closer just by existing.

You cry more now, spending days locked in your room where you do nothing but cry and scream. The nightmares take hold in the day time, any time you find yourself able to catch a wink of sleep. You only ever see him, crumpled as a pulp on the floor of an old house, a house you’d never been to and to which you’ll never return. The house is the most insignificant part. You can’t place anything in the room, you don’t know the layout of the interior. You probably wouldn’t recognize it if you walked past it. But you know where he lies. You know the way the blood spreads out across the floorboards, still wet and glistening after however many hours. You know the pain that charges through your body at the sight of him–or lack thereof. You know how Tommy cries, screams and hollers as if that would wake him up. You’d recognize those facts anywhere.

Boots on snow, slower this time. There’s a few horses scattered around you, one carrying him, limp and frail, across its back. You walk beside it. Maria still won’t let you look at him, but you think it might be easier to pretend you know what he looks like. You stare at your feet as you walk. Every now and then, his hand comes into view. It’s rigid now, incapable of wrapping around yours as you so long for it to. There’s blood streaming up his wrist where his glove meets the skin. You wonder if he fought back. Ellie said there were at least ten of them. You wonder if he fought back.

You know that he didn’t fight back, at least not hard enough to win. Maybe he thought things would work out and someone would come to his aid. Maybe he’d accepted the prospect of death and was content to let go. You’ll never know why he didn’t fight, and even if you did, you don’t think you could understand it. Why wouldn’t he put up a fight? How could he think he’d done enough in the world to let go that easily, that painfully? You wonder what you would say to him if you could see him. Would you yell? Would you beg him to stay?

What would be the point?

Tommy was stupid, you know that. It was stupid of him to think he could take on an entire city by himself. You don’t blame him, though. If you had a little bit more guts, you would’ve, too. Instead, you locked yourself away and cried. In the end, neither decision mattered.

The snow mostly melted in the days following. There’s sludge beneath your feet as you approach him. It’s not him, not really, but what are graves if not a symbol for the living? You run your hand along the top of the stone. It’s cold to the touch, same as he has been for the last few days. He’ll never be warm again. You feel like you won’t either.

You feel stupid for not lighting the fire. The house is frigid, locking up your joints from the cold. But he always got the wood. You feel wrong getting rid of it. He wanted to provide for you, keep you warm, and it feels wrong to use that up so eagerly. Months have rolled by and the same stupid logs from the night before the world ended sit lonesome in your fireplace. It’s barely spring. You don’t want to lose the comfort of the winter.

You don’t want to lose any more than you already have.

#joel miller x reader #x reader #gn!reader #joel miller fanfic #my fics #m writes

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livingemkayde · 9 months

Text

chaser chapter 4 snippet for those asking in my inbox. lol this chapter got me nervous

You watch the bartender set a drink down in front of the unnamed woman and she accepts it graciously. The pair begins to walk back, she’s close to Joel’s side. You bite your tongue, whipping out your phone instead to sneak Olivia a sad, solemn text. You look down, the tears pooling to the front of your eye, momentarily blurring your vision like someone just released a flashbang in the bar — maybe an ambush — this certainly feels like one. You can’t really read the legibility of your writing, knowing it's littered with typos, your thumbs moving faster than your mind — saying something about a woman and Joel and almost regrettably because of how in the moment you are right now — how fucking stupid Tommy Miller is — even though you know this is far from his fault.

#m's asks #chaser #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller

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littlelou22 · 1 year

Text

pretend | joel miller x fem!reader

summary: joel ends things with you, leaving you in the dark as to why. will the two of you get back together or stay apart?

warnings: angst, hurt, mean!joel, insecure!joel, eventual fluff, age gap (reader in undefined age but young, joel’s canon age), language, men being TRASH, violence, y/n used like twice, probs shitty writing, idk let me know if I miss any

divider credit: @saradika

word count: 6.2k

author's note: my first post, let me know what you think :)

requests open!

The two of you stood on opposite sides of the bed in your – his – room, chest heaving as you stare at Joel. You didn’t know what had gotten into him, the two of you were fine when you returned from patrol a few hours earlier. Joel had gone to help Tommy with something and you had taken Ellie to see whatever movie was playing tonight.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so cold with me,” you spoke, shaking your head.

And you truly didn’t. You and Ellie had stopped at the Tipsy Bison to pick up dinner for the three of you after Joel was helping Tommy. Ellie had run off while you waited for the food, seeing Dina stationed at one of the tables. You passed the time at the bar, occasionally making forced small talk with the other patrons. Even though you had been in Jackson for a few months, you still didn’t feel quite at ease with most of the people here.

After you got the food, you ventured off home with Ellie to wait until Joel was done. But he never showed, not until after you and Ellie had eaten and the younger girl had gone off to bed. Joel had stormed in, kicked off his boots, and immediately went upstairs, not sparing you a single glance. Obviously, you had followed him, but you have no idea how you ended up here.

“I’m done with this,” Joel says, eyes everywhere except on you. “I’m done with you.”

“What?” You take a step back as if his words had physically pushed you.

“I needed you for her. That’s it,” Joel snapped at you. “Now that it’s over, I don’t see a reason to pretend anymore. Understand?”

You felt as if the air had been sucked out of you, as if Joel had kicked you right in the stomach. You thought you finally had a grasp on Joel, that you could finally read how he was feeling. But as you stared at him from across the room, he felt more like a stranger than the man you fell in love with.

You wanted to scream, to cry, to plead with him to not do this. To not leave you like everyone else did. But you didn’t – you couldn’t. Before you could even process what was happening, you were nodding.

“Okay,” you breathed, nodding your head. You felt the tears burning behind your eyes, begging to be released, but you refused to crack in front of him. Refused to let him see how much his words had made your heart ache. “If that’s how you feel, then okay.”

So, you left. Out of his bedroom and down the hall, passing Ellie’s door where you knew she was inevitably listening to the fight. Down the stairs and out the front door, letting it swing closed behind you. Your feet carried you down the dark street until you couldn’t go any further. The tears burned behind your eyes, a sob escaping you as you stumbled into the stables, barely making it to one of the hay bales before collapsing in on yourself.

You didn’t understand what happened, what had changed since you got back from Salt Lake City. Since the three of you tried to integrate into the community. Since Ellie started at school. Since you and Joel started to patrol and help wherever you could in Jackson.

Did you do something that upset Joel? That made him rethink whatever it was between the two of you? The two of you weren’t officially together but your relationship wasn’t nothing. At least, you didn’t think you were nothing.

Clearly, you were wrong. What you thought was a relationship was actually just a means to get by, a way to pass time for Joel. You get it, you really try to. The road was long, it was tough, and it was lonely. The three of you had seen, and done, unthinkable things to get Ellie to the Fireflies. Obviously, that didn’t go as planned, landing the three of you back in Jackson. Where it felt impossible to return to some semblance of normalcy. So, how could you blame him for using you as an escape?

You just wish he would’ve told you from the beginning what it actually was.

It was morning by the time you dragged yourself out of the stables. Thanking whatever higher power there was that you didn’t have morning patrol, you made your way to Tommy and Maria’s. If Joel didn’t want to pretend, then neither could you. You couldn’t pretend to be okay with being around him after what had happened, so you decided to avoid him at all costs. But, you couldn’t abandon Ellie, not after everything the young girl had been through. Even if she was more distant after Salt Lake, you couldn’t bring yourself to up and leave her. You wouldn’t.

With a deep breath, your knuckles rapped against Tommy and Maria’s front door. You knew it was early, the sun barely just peeking over the horizon but you couldn’t wait. You and Joel were assigned second patrol, and you’d rather not be subjected to that after last night.

“You look like shit,” Tommy said after answering the door. You knew you did, sleeping on a rectangular stack of hay could only offer so much.

“Good morning to you too,” you force a smile at him. You liked Tommy, you had become close with him and his wife after settling in Jackson but you didn’t want to see the younger Miller brother right now. You knew it wasn’t his fault, but you couldn’t help the deepening pit in your stomach at the sight of him. “Is Maria up yet?”

“She’s out back, hanging laundry on the line,” he answers, eyes scanning over your puffy eyes and pale face. “You okay, bug?”

“M’fine Tommy, thank you” you grimace at the nickname. Joel had gifted you the name when the two of you met and upon arriving in Jackson, Tommy took up to calling you that as well. You make your way to the back of the house where you found Maria, true to Tommy’s word. Sighing, you grab one of the shirts in the basket, joining her at the laundry line.

“Good morning,” Maria muses, a playful smile on her face as she turns to you, wiping her hands on her jeans before resting them on her hips. “What can I do for you?”

“What makes you think I need something?” You can’t help but respond. Maria was the closest thing to a friend you had in Jackson, it was hard not to feel as though you could be yourself around her.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you up and out this early in the morning,” she says, glancing back at the house to see Tommy in the window, watching the women through the glass. He shrugs, answering her silent query. “What’s wrong?”

You sigh heavily, pinching your nose between your fingers after hanging the shirt on the line. “I need you to switch my patrol partner.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Maria asks, voice gentle as if you were a frightened deer.

“No paradise to have troubles in,” you mutter, shaking your head. “I don’t want to talk about it. It didn’t work out, I just need you to switch my partner.”

Maria stared at you, narrowing her eyes as she, like Tommy, surveyed your condition. You knew she saw right through you. Knew there was more to the story than you were letting on to.

“Okay,” she nodded after a minute, looking at the watch on her wrist. “There’s still fifteen minutes before first patrol, go let Alexander know he’s with Miller now. You can patrol with Marcus now.”

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, relief filling you to the thought of not being around Joel. The relief soon left at the mention of your new partner, but you couldn’t be picky here. “Thank you Maria, I won’t let you down.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she replies, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “You better get going if you want to make it.”

“Right,” you say, turning on your heels to start the walk back to the stables, knowing the morning patrol people would be there by now.

Maria watches you leave, only making her way inside once you are out of her sight. As she enters the kitchen, Tommy appears before her with raised eyebrows.

“What was that about?” He asks, passing her a cup of warm tea.

Maria sighs, shaking her head. “I’m not sure, but your dumbass brother might.”

“Joel?” Tommy questions, confused as to what might’ve happened between his brother and the woman he is obviously infatuated with.

“Do you have another brother that I don’t know about?” she raises her eyes at her husband, shaking her head. “She wanted to switch patrol partners, wouldn’t tell me why or what happened.”

“Shit,” Tommy sighs, leaning back against the counter before muttering. “What did you do, Joel?”

“I have no idea,” Maria shrugs before setting her mug in the sink. She pats Tommy’s shoulder before making her way towards the stairs, turning to face her husband before she climbs them. “But have fun letting him know!”

“That was fun,” Marcus smiled at you as the two of you rode your horses through the front gates after patrol. Eyes zeroing in on your hips as they rise and fall with each step of your horse.

You force a smile at him, half listening to him as your eyes dart back and forth in search of Joel. You knew he was due to head on second patrol and the last thing you wanted to do was see him. “It sure was.”

“Alex never looked that pretty when taking down Infected,” Marcus continues, not picking up on your disinterest in him. “Glad there was a change up, I was beginning to get bored of watching him.”

You don’t offer him a response as you continue towards the stables, preoccupied with hoping and praying that Joel and his new partner had already left for patrol. For once, whatever higher power out there was on your side as you find the stables vacant.

“Thank God,” you mutter to yourself, sliding off your horse, Luna, to guide her towards her stall which was thankfully far away from Marcus’. Once you got her in her stall, you began to take off her saddle and get her ready for the night. As you did so, your mind wandered to your new patrol partner.

You weren’t oblivious, you knew what Marcus was doing. It wouldn’t be the first time that he tried to sweet talk you. The man had been adamant to gain your attention since you stepped foot in Jackson after the Firefly incident. Whether it was at the stables, the Tipsy Bison, or at movie night, Marcus tried everything to engage you in a conversation.

Any chance he got, Marcus would try his best to make an impression on you. To ask you out on a date. None of his advances ever made it far, you weren’t interested in the men of Jackson and had made it clear. At least, you thought you did, especially after yesterday’s event at the Tipsy Bison.

While you were waiting for the food, Marcus and his friends were putting the ‘tipsy’ in Tipsy Bison. When drinking, Marcus liked to get a little handsy and his previous rejected advances did not seem to deter him trying again. In good Marcus fashion, he attempted, again, to get you to go out with him. You rejected him, as you had many times before, by sliding his arm off your shoulders before moving to a different part of the bar. Luckily, your food was ready soon after so you didn’t have to endure his stares any longer.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice rang out in the stall, causing you to whip around to find the intruder.

Ellie leaned against the opening, arms crossed over her chest as she watched you catch your breath, clearly you had not heard her enter the stables.

“Jesus, Els, you can’t sneak up on people like that,” you breathe, shaking your head at the young girl. You eye the backpack she throws onto the ground before she flops down onto the stool you had brought in earlier. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school right now?”

“It’s boring,” she answers as if it was an acceptable reason. “You gonna tell Joel I’m skipping?”

You stiffen at the mention of his name, glancing at Ellie before answering. “Nope.”

“You want to talk about what happened last night?” She presses, confirming your previous suspicions of her eavesdropping tendencies.

“Nope.” Exiting the stall, you make yourself appear busy to avoid further questioning from the girl.

Ellie follows, picking at the end of her sleeves, shifting from foot to foot as she watches you flit around the stable. You spare a glance at her, knowing that her mind is running a mile a minute as it gears up before speaking.

“You okay, Bellie?” You ask, halting your work.

“You aren’t gonna leave, right?” Ellie asks after a moment, eyes avoiding your face.

You sigh, setting down the pail of food you gathered before walking up to the girl. You place your hands on her shoulders, giving her a gentle shake. “Of course not, I promised you that I would never leave you, remember?”

The girl nods, “I remember.”

“Good,” you smile at her, ruffling up her hair before giving her a gentle push towards the stable doors. “Go back to school before you get us both in trouble.”

After Ellie leaves, you putter around the stables for a few hours before you hear the clopping of horses approaching the stables. Peeking out of the window, you see Joel and his new patrol partner.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You think, immediately running back to Luna’s stall. You frantically grab your things and hightail it out of the back entrance of the stables. Leaning against the back of the barn, you wait until you hear the men enter before making your way back to town. You had no idea how you were going to avoid Joel for the foreseeable future, but there was no way you were ready to face him.

The next few weeks went by similarly. You left the house before the sun rose, before anyone in the house was awake. You would go on patrol, endure several hours of the torture that is Marcus and his antics before returning to the town. You’d wait to watch Joel leave for patrol before going to the house you shared or going into town. Once he was back home, you’d return to the stables where you would spend your evenings, only returning home in the late hours of the night. One day while he was on patrol, you had moved all of your things into the third bedroom that was now your own. It worked, you rarely ran into Joel. When you did, you would turn and go the opposite direction or retreat back to your room.

It worked until it didn’t.

You were at the Tipsy Bison, leaned against the bar with a drink in your hand as you listened to Maria. She had to practically drag you out here after days of begging for you to socialize. To be a part of the community. You partly did it to get her off your back, but as you listened to the conversation around you, you felt happy that she managed to get you to come out. It had been a long time since you stayed in one place for longer than ten minutes without constantly checking over your shoulder.

Maria had been recounting a story about Tommy from early on in their relationship when you felt it. Felt eyes burning into your back. Stares that felt like ice water spilling down your shirt, sending vicious shivers up your spine. It felt uneasy, putting you on edge. The longer it lingered, the more uncomfortable you grew.

Turning to give the establishment a once over, you noticed two things. One, Joel was in the corner with his brother, hands full with glasses of neat whiskey as they conversed with one another. Eyes on Tommy, not on you. And two, your oh so lovely patrol partner making his way over towards your group.

“Maria,” you start, turning to your friend, attempting to say your goodbyes before booking it out of the bar when a rather large and heavy arm is slung around your shoulders.

Marcus steadies himself on your shoulder, the smell of alcohol seeping from his pores as he surveys your group, eyes lingering on you for too long. “Ladies! Looking fantastic tonight!”

“Why thank you, Marcus,” one of the women, Fiona, in your group respond, smirking at the obviously drunk man. She bats her eyelashes at him and you feel sick. “How can we help you?”

“Just wanted to talk to my patrol partner here,” Marcus turns to peer down at you, offering you a smile as he squeezes you to his side. “Tommy told me we are patrolling a new area tomorrow, so I figured the two of us could talk strategy. Maybe over a drink or two.”

You grimace, trying to shrug his arm off your shoulder but he is gripping onto you impeccably tight. “It’s late, Marcus, and I was just about to leave. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“How about he walks you home?” Maria suggests, raising her eyebrows at you. You throw her a look, hoping she picks up on the obvious disapprovement you have over this idea. But she doesn’t, the other women in the group joining in on the idea. “The two of you can discuss it on the way back.”

“It’s the least you can do,” Fiona nods at you, cutting you off when you go to protest. “You did force him to change partners, you can’t blame the man for wanting to make sure he’s safe tomorrow.”

Sending Fiona a hard glare, you push Marcus’ arm off of your shoulder to slip on your coat. “Fine, let’s go.”

You wave off the group’s goodbyes before beelining for the door. The faster you get out of here, the faster you can get home and away from Marcus. On the way out, you glance at the table that Tommy and Joel were residing at, finding it vacant. At this point, you didn’t care if you would run into Joel at the house. Anything was preferable to spending any more time than necessary with your insufferable patrol partner.

After exiting the building, you start towards home at a quick pace, hoping to shorten the usual ten minute walk into a five minute walk. You don’t feel Marcus at your side, hoping that you lost him in your haste out of the bar. Your thoughts are silenced when you feel his hand wrap around your wrist, yanking you to a halt and into one of the allies in the town square.

“What’s the rush, sweetheart?” Marcus smirks, pulling closer to you as his grip on your wrist tightens.

“Got the kid waiting up for me back home,” you quickly lie, tugging your wrist back in an attempt to free yourself. “QZ schools weren’t the best, she needs help with her homework.”

He chuckles, shaking his head at you before backing you into the brick wall of the alley behind you. “I’m sure her dad can help her with that. We have some things to discuss.”

“It would be best to discuss whatever it is in the morning,” you gulp, pressing closer to the wall to create more space between the two of you. “When we both haven’t been at a bar for the night. With clearer minds.”

“Baby,” Marcus breathes, “My mind has never been more clear.”

He ducks his head, pressing his lips forcefully against yours. His hands move to your hips, pressing himself into you. You desperately try pulling your head back to avoid him, but the brick wall behind you prevents you from moving away. Panicking, you sink your teeth into his lip, biting down until you taste the metallic tang of blood. Your hands move to his chest, pushing him off with all your strength. Marcus stumbles back, hands dabbing at his lip to feel the damage.

“What the actual fuck are you thinking?” You seeth, wiping the taste of him away with the back of your hand. You stare at him for a beat, bewildered, before pushing off the wall to make your escape.

You make it a few steps before Marcus surges forward, arms encircling your waist to pull you off the ground. All attempts of your struggle are thwarted when he throws you onto the pavement, hands wrapping around your throat as he straddles your stomach, your arms pinned to his thighs.

“You disrespectful, little bitch,” he spits, hands tightening at your throat. “Your daddy ever teach you manners as a young girl? Like all girls need to be taught?”

You gasp at the lack of oxygen as you try to squirm your way out of his grasp. Your constant struggle only seems to agitate Marcus more as he pulls you off the ground before slamming you back down. The back of your head bounces off the hard pavement beneath the two of you. All efforts to fight cease as dots begin to swarm your vision.

“You respect men that want to talk to you,” Marcus growls, smirking at your dazed face. His hands continue to tighten around your throat. “You’re lucky to even have my attention.”

Your vision is starting to go dark when his weight is suddenly pulled off of you. Coughing, you roll onto your stomach, attempting to gain your bearings. You hear fighting next to you, propping yourself on your hands and knees to try to see what’s going on.

“So help me god,” Joel practically snarls, one hand gripping Marcus’ collar while the other delivers a nose shattering punch.

“If you ever go near her again, I will kill you.” Punch.

“If you look at her again, I will kill you.” Punch.

“If you even so much as breathe in her direction, I will kill you.” Punch.

“Do I make myself clear?”

You watch from your hands and knees as Joel delivers punch after punch until Marcus is whimpering under him, gasping for air like you were only moments earlier. Once he believes the message has been received, Joel drops his hold on Marcus and backs away, chest heaving.

You must make a noise as he turns to you, eyes quickly scanning your face before his gaze settles on the hand prints adoring your throat. He’s rushing to you before you know it, gentle hands helping raise you to your feet.

“Can you stand, bug?” Joel whispers, softly turning to check the spot where your head had kissed the payment. Today must be your lucky day, no blood appearing on his fingers after he gently ran them through your hair.

“M’fine, Joel,” you rasp, embarrassment pooling in your stomach. While you were thankful that he came by when he did, you couldn’t help but wish it happened to be anyone else.

Joel sighs, running his hand down his face. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I said I’m fine Joel,” you pull yourself out of his gentle grasp, wrapping your arms around your midsection tightly. You take a few cautious steps back, stumbling but steady enough to walk.

“Let me get you home, angel,” Joel steps forward, hands reaching out to help you. “Ellie’s been askin’ bout you.”

Shaking your head, you continue to take tentative steps away from him. “I can take care of myself, Joel. You don’t have to pretend anymore, remember?”

And with that, you turned on your heels and began to make your way back to the house. You knew he was trailing some feet behind you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. All you wanted to do was crawl into your bed and forget that the night ever even happened.

“It looks like the bruising should heal in a few weeks,” Rick, Jackson’s one and only doctor, assesses, fingers gently pressing against the prominent hand marks on your neck. “The petechiae should clear up within the next few days.”

You nod, readjusting your collar whenever the doctor leans back to scribble down some notes. In the corner of your eye, you see Tommy and Maria share a glance before whispering, as if you weren’t even in the room.

“Any new loss of consciousness? Confusion? Dizzy spells?” Rick asks, pen pausing on the paper.

“Nope,” voice still scratchy but nowhere near as bad as it was a few days ago. “Can I go back on patrol now?”

With a sigh, Rick sets his clipboard down. “Sweetheart, what you went through was a traumatic event. You need to let yourself have time to recuperate mentally too, not just physically.”

“I take that as a no then,” you deflate when the doctor nods.

After answering the rest of Rick’s questions, you’re finally able to leave the infirmary. It seemed like you were there for hours, so to feel the sun on your face whenever you exited felt like sweet relief.

“Y/N,” Maria starts, guilt practically dripping from her.

“Maria, if you apologize one more time, I think I might implode,” you interrupt her, turning to face her. “You didn’t know, I didn’t tell you what he had been saying on patrol. This isn’t your fault.”

“But –”

“No buts,” groaning, you grab her shoulders, giving her a playful shake. “Some drunk asshole’s actions are not your fault. There was no way you could’ve known what would happen.”

“Darlin’, she’s right,” Tommy intervenes. “It’s no one’s fault but the man that did it.”

You hum in agreement, rolling your eyes at the way Maria practically pouts. “Just don’t give me another shitty patrol partner and we can call it even. Okay?”

Maria nods, pulling you into a tight hug. You gently pat her back, knowing the hug is more for her sake than yours, so you allow yourself to enjoy it, just this once.

You’re about to walk away but Tommy stops you, hand gently on your wrist. “Ellie wanted me to tell you to meet her at your house, said she needed help with somethin’.”

“Little shit skipped school again?” You groan. “What would be so important that we have to do it now instead of after dinner?”

Tommy shrugs, smirk playing on his lips. “You really think I'm privy to how she operates?”

“I wish I was,” you mutter, waving your goodbyes before trudging back to your house.

You were going to have to talk to Joel about this. Ellie skipped at least twice a week and you thought the last discussion you had about it got through to her, but apparently not. You understood why she struggled with it, being one of the only outsiders in a building full of kids that had never been outside the walls of Jackson. People looked at you guys funny, you and Joel got it too. Even in the apocalypse, school was important.

After what seemed like an eternity, you crossed the threshold of your home. “Ellie?” you called.

No response.

“Ellie Bellie?” You called again, hanging your coat on the hooks by the door. You knew Joel was on patrol so you began to wander to find the girl.

After checking the entire upstairs, you began to worry.

“Ellie!” You yelled, thundering down the steps and into the kitchen.

“In the basement!” The girl finally responded.

With a breath of relief, you descended the basement steps and found the girl sorting through boxes, various tools of Joel’s spread around her.

“What did we talk about?” You approach, tugging on her ponytail. “No more skipping school, kid.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she waves you off, pointing to the door behind her. “The water heater is in there, right?”

“How am I supposed to know?” You shrug. “The old man takes care of that stuff.”

Ellie rolls her eyes, grabbing your arm and pulling you towards the door. “Well the stupid fuckin’ thing stopped working and I want Joel to be able to have a hot shower when he gets back from patrol.”

“So call Tommy, Els,” you resist her tugging. “I can’t fix it.”

Pouting, the young girl bats her eyelashes at you, putting on her best puppy dog face. “Please, please, please?”

After a few more seconds of her insistent begging, you cave in. “Fuck, fine. Just stop with the face. Promise you won’t skip school again and I’ll see what I can do?”

“Promise!” Ellie smiles in victory, holding out the worn owner’s manual to you.

You grab the dusty book from her before shouldering the door open, wandering into the room. It’s pitch black and you can’t seem to find the lightswitch.

“Els, where’s the light?” You ask, blinking to try to adjust to the lack of light.

“Don’t be mad, okay?” You hear the girl plead before the lights flicker on and the door slams shut, lock clicking.

A tired looking Joel sits in front of you, one hand handcuffed to the gas line of the water heater. You gape at him, part of you impressed that Ellie was able to get the one up on him.

But then the reality of the situation sets in and you start to bang on the door. “Ellie, open the damn door!”

“You can come out when the two of you work out whatever shit happened,” Ellie’s voice is muffled through the door but her message is loud and clear. A key slides in from under the door. “Unlock him if you want to.”

“Great, just great,” you mutter, forehead resting on the door. “Looks like we’re never going to get out of here.”

You can hear Ellie stomp up the basements and slam the door, off to do god knows what with both of her guardians locked in a room. Turning, you look to see Joel, his eyes watching your movements. You take in his appearance – right hand cuffed to the flimsy gas line of the water heater, left hand resting in his lap, both legs extended in front of him with crossed ankles. Under different circumstances, you would have laughed.

“Would you mind givin’ me that key?” Joel asks, motioning to the key resting on the ground by your feet.

Nodding, you kick the key to him, praising yourself that it slides within reach of him. You watch as he uncuffs himself, rubbing his skin where the cuff adored his wrist. Joel slowly stands, exhaling as he stretches himself up right. Once he’s upright, you take into account his bruised knuckles, undoubtedly from the other night.

The two of you are silent. The tension is palpable – too thick to cut with a knife, maybe even a chainsaw. You watch as Joel awkwardly shifts foot to foot. You can tell that he has a lot on his mind, but you aren’t sure if you want to know what he’s thinking.

You clear your throat, already regretting your next words. “Thank you, by the way.”

Joel nods, staying on his designated side of the small room. “I’d never just let that happen to you, y’know that.”

The awkward silence lasts a few more beats, neither of you know what to say to the other.

“You don’t have to avoid the house and town,” Joel breaks first, clearing his throat. “We can be friends, can’t we?”

“Speak for yourself,” you mutter, turning around to see if the door is actually locked. It is, to your dismay.

“Bug…” Joel starts but the nickname sets you off.

“Can you, like, not call me that?” You snap, whirling around to glare at him. “You lost any and all privilege to that the second you decided to use me for your own personal pleasure. Without regard to how I would feel, may I add?”

Joel scoffs, shaking his head, “I didn’t use you for my ‘own personal pleasure’.”

“Really?” Laughing, you feel insane with how worked up he has got you in one sentence. “Then what exactly did you mean by, and I quote, ‘pretend’.”

Joel opens his mouth to respond, but you cut him off.

“Or what about ‘I’m done with you’?” You step into his space, practically chest to chest. “Because being done with someone doesn’t really leave room for friendship, now does it?”

“That’s not what I meant, y’know that!”

“Do I, Joel? Because it doesn’t feel like it!” You can feel your hands shaking as you shove him back. “You are so hot and cold. You give me fucking whiplash. I can’t stand it! You–”

His lips press against yours, hands settling on your waist to keep you in place. You freeze, the feeling of his mouth moving against yours is a foreign after not feeling it for so long. You feel yourself melting into his arms, your own wrapping around his neck as you kiss him back, lips fusing together as if they were made for each other.

Until you realize what’s happening.

“What’s wrong, bug?” Joel whispers after you throw yourself back, chest heaving.

“You can’t just do that,” your voice shakes and you feel small under his gaze. “You can’t fuck with my feelings like this.”

Joel lets out an aggravated sigh, hands running through his curly locks. “I’m not tryin’ to, sweetheart.”

“Then what are you trying to do, Joel? Because I can’t do the back and forth.” You desperately try to blink away the tears pooling at your eyes. “One minute you want me, the next you don’t. I don’t know what you want from me.”

A tear slips down your cheek.

And all of Joel’s resolve breaks.

“Baby,” he breathes, hands cupping your cheeks as he thumbs away your tears. “I…shit, hold on.”

You wait. You wait as his eyes squeeze closed. As he inhales and exhales deeply. As he shakes his head before looking at you again.

“I love you,” Joel admits. “But I’m no good for you.”

“Joel–”

“Please,” he begs. “I can’t protect you, or Ellie. You saw what happened with the raiders at the university, I almost got the two of you killed because I’m not as young as I once was. I’m not a good man, bug, I’ve done so many bad things that I will never deserve someone like you, no matter what I do now.”

You listen to all of his reasons why he doesn’t think he deserves you. You watch the pain of his past hold him back from ever realizing how much he is worth.

“Is that why you did that?” You ask quietly, hands coming to rest on his chest. “You pushed me away because you think you’re too old for me? Too much of a burden on me?”

Joel nods, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“But, Joel, those are your reasons,” you breathe. “Your thoughts, your opinions. Not mine.”

He shakes his head. “But–”

“But nothing,” you interrupt. “I love you because of all of that. I love everything about you, your past included, Joel. There is nothing that you could do or say that could ever possibly change that. Why do you think I avoided you for weeks?”

“Because you hated me?”

“Because I couldn’t be around you thinking that I loved you when you hated me.” You laugh, leaning up to briefly press your lips against his. “Next time, how about you talk to me before you make all the decisions?”

Nodding, Joel leans forward and slots his lips against yours. You wrap your arms around his neck, locking your hands together. You feel Joel smile against your lips, a feeling you had missed, before pressing yourself as close to him as possible. Your kisses become more feverish, Joel backing you up against the door as his hands run down your sides to your hips. His hands snake around your waist, lowering themselves to your butt, groaning at the way you react to him.

A loud bang on the door startles the two of you apart.

“As much as I love that the two of you figured it out,” Ellie yells through the door. “I don’t want to hear those noises. Ever.”

A giggle escapes your lips as you hide your face in Joel’s neck, a smile spreads across your lips when you feel his arms encompass your waist.

“Are you decent? Can I let you out now?”

“Yes, Ellie.”

“Thank god,” Ellie unlocks and swings the door open. She smiles seeing the two of you wrapped up together. “I was beginning to think you’d never figure it out.”

Joel shakes his head. “Shut up.”

“You mean ‘you’re welcome’,” Ellie teases before escaping up the stairs, pausing at the top. “Just don’t suck each other's faces around me, got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” you salute her goodbye before turning back to Joel, who is pretending to look annoyed at the teen.

“By the way, how did she manage to handcuff you?”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel #the last of us #m writes

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