#joelmiller angst

[josephquinnswhore]

i’ll be there for you - joel miller x female platonic reader

Summary: Joel comes to the conclusion that he deserves to have another chance at having a daughter, and you get a second chance at having a dad.

Word Count: 5.2k

Content Warning: typical tlou violence, blood, guns, reader contemplating suicide at the start, protective Joel, reader gets shot.

Life in the QZ was hardly luxurious, however you strived to see the positive things through rather than wallowing in the negative. Something you looked forward to was your dad playing guitar every night before supper, the strumming and melody of a song that was of his time, gave you both a sense of normalcy.

Your dad was one of the few that were allowed to leave the safety of the walls of the QZ, doing supply runs around the surrounding ruins of the city of Boston. There were few instances where the group doing the supply run were late to return and a series of unfortunate events meant that today was one of those days, the sky starting to darken as the sun sets on the horizon, the cool breeze drifting in from the north. You check the time on your watch, the simple block letters reading 5:57pm; a black and blue G-Shock watch, built to withstand the conditions you’ve put it through. It belonged to your mother, she passed when you were younger and your father handed it down to you at your mother's request, the small token the only memory you have that she ever existed. 

Standing unaccompanied outside during the day wasn’t safe, the violence seemingly increasing by the day, being a fifteen-year-old girl alone at night was dangerous. Tess walks up to you putting a hand on your shoulder,

“come on hun, let me walk you home. I'm sure he’ll be home soon.” She walked you through the streets to your apartment, her hand never leaving the small of your back. 

She gives you the gun that was on her hip, for your safety till your dad gets home, knowing what some of the men in this town were like.

It was 7:30pm when your dad came stumbling through the door, exhaustion written on his face, an unfamiliar look in his eyes had you feeling unnerved. “Dad are you okay? There’s blood on your shirt.” You frowned pointing at him and he lets out a humourless laugh, “it’s not mine sweetheart, I’m okay, made it back to you in one piece.” Your feet have a mind of their own as they step toward him, wanting nothing more to embrace him into a hug, the anxiety in your heart evaporates. He holds a hand up to stop you, “let me have a shower first,” he gestures to the blood that covers his green button up long sleeve shirt, “then I’ll play you a tune on the guitar, your favourite.” You smile and offer a weak nod as he walks past you into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. You start preparing for dinner, buttering bread and opening a canned package of pasta, years past its expiry date but well enough to declare edible. 

As you heat the pasta up you start washing some dishes to clear the kitchen, sinking into your nightly routine wanting your dad to be out here with you. Stuck in your own head and hands slippery from the soap suds on the plate you’re washing, it falls from the grasp in your hands and smashes on the ground, thousands of pieces that ended up across the house. Groaning in frustration you wipe your wet hands on your jeans, feeling the outline of the handgun Tess had given you earlier in the evening.  

Rustling came from the bathroom and the door banged against the doorframe, “dad?” Before you could think your hands gripped the handgun, turning off the safety, the feeing in your gut telling you something was wrong had your heart racing. 

The door burst open after something collided into it, that-something, being your dad, infected. Blood dripping from his wrist through his clean white sweatshirt, veins protruding from his face were dark and he growled at you, charging at you full speed he was across the room in seconds. The echo of a gunshot rang through the concrete walls of the apartment as you pulled the trigger, your dad- the body was lying with his back to the ground, blood pooling around him. 

The smell of blood, smoke from the gun and burning pasta became too much, your body fell to the ground at the weakness of your knees, screaming and pointed the handgun to your temple, you couldn’t do this without him-you couldn’t do this alone. 

How would you ever sleep again without hearing the sweet lullaby of your favourite song on the guitar, any living memory of your family now dead on the floor only feet away from you. 

You failed to notice three people storming into your apartment, Tess, Joel and Dan, Dan was someone your dad had been on a run with this evening that lived in the room across the hall from you. Tess snatched the gun that kissed your temple and pulled you into her body, “you’re okay. I got you.” Your body trembled beneath hers, Joel mumbling in the background of your ringing ears, “Fuckin’ hell. Check her for bites.” Tess sighed against you and checked your body, confirming you weren’t infected, “she’s clear.” 

Joel sighs running a hand through his hair he turned to Dan, “did you know about this?” The accusation is his tone as he pointed to the bite on the infecteds wrist, Dan only hung his head in silence. Joel stepped toward the cowering man, “you stupid son of a bitch you could’ve gotten this kid killed.” Tess snapped, “hey. Not now Joel.” Joel grit his teeth and grunted, “get the kid out of here. She doesn’t need to be ‘round this.” 

Tess picked you up and half-heartedly carried you to her room which was only down the hall, your body numb as you sat on the lounge. 

“Think you can eat?” You shook your head, knowing if you attempted to eat the contents of your stomach would paint the floor. 

“Get some sleep. I’m so sorry.” Her condolences went in one ear and out the next as you lie on your side, trembling. Tears spilling from your eyes as your brain replays the scene over and over. You try to remember your dads laugh and smile, it only made the ache in your heart worse.

When Tess finally fell asleep you broke down, sobbing quietly, your attempts to muffle the sound from the thin frail blanket proving unsuccessful to your efforts.

Joel hears you from one door down, unable to sleep into the early morning as he hears you. He can’t help but feel SORRY for you, you’re just a kid, it’s not his business, but he can relate to the guilt and loss you’re feeling, he worries he’ll find you dead next after finding you about to take your own life. It wouldn’t hurt to check on her in the morning, just to make sure, he reasons.

The next morning Joel stands hesitantly at the front of Tess’s door and tries to convince himself to walk away, to his surprise he doesn’t, he enters the apartment and sees you lying on the lounge, lifeless almost. He gently kicks the lounge, and your body doesn’t flinch, the only indicator that you’re alive is that your eyes moved to look at him. He stands with his hands in his jean pockets, “how you holdin’ up?” Fucking idiot what a stupid question, he internally scolds himself. 

You huff, “fuckin shit. Why are you here?” You sit upright and Joel takes in your features, dark circles around your eyes, puffy cheeks and messy hair. “Heard you cryin’ all night.” You shift uncomfortably, “oh, sorry.” Joel reached into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small bag, full of dried fruit, nuts and beef jerky. “Thought you could eat.” You accept and as he’s walking off, he hears a quiet, “thank you Joel.” 

Something stirred inside him that made him feel guilty and he thought, wouldn’t hurt to check on her tomorrow, just to see if she’s okay, then that’s it.

However after the second morning visit, that wasn’t the end of it, he continued to visit you every morning and one day came bearing bad news, Tess had gotten infected on a supply run and she sacrificed herself to save Joel, that was three months ago and frankly you’d become attached to Joel, he was the only person you felt you had in your life. He continued to visit you every day after breaking the news to you, to make sure you’re still alive, and he can see small improvements in your healing, five months had passed after the first incident and three months since Joel told you about Tess, you’d fully moved in to Tess apartment now, your belongings invaded her apartment as hers lie stagnant. Joel refuses to accept he has any influence and regards how strong you were for holding together. 

That morning after he visited you, only for a few minutes to drop off some bottled water and food and small conversation ensued.

“You still havin’ them nightmares?” Joel already knew the answer, he had heard you nearly every night from his own room. Rushing from his own room to reassure you that you're safe, sometimes he stayed for a few hours after and sometimes he went straight back to his own room. You nod as your eyes meet his, “yeah. Sometimes I'm fine other nights It's like I'm reliving it.” joel offered a sympathetic look and his hand patted your shoulder before telling you a lie. “It’ll get better kid.” You smile at his optimism, “thanks.” he walks out of the door, your mind filling with more positive thoughts, giving you some motivation to take care of yourself.

Joel heads into a building and pushes past the long line of people waiting their turn to use the radio, with a bribe of cigarettes he’s let in and is notified no one has heard anything from Tommy in 8 weeks. He decides then and there he’s leaving, today. You cross his mind, he shoves the thought down, you’re not his problem, Tommy is, so why did he feel a sense of guilt at the thought of leaving you.

Today you had showered, brushed your hair and put on clean clothes, finally stepping outside, your body soaking up the warmth of the sun and wrapping your arms around yourself in hope of shielding your body from people’s judgemental stare. 

You see Joel rushing out of his apartment with a backpack on his shoulders, looking back and forth as he disappeared down the streets. Your curiosity spiked and you follow him, your body praising you for the movement, loosening your aching joints. 

Joel was, escaping? Tears stung your eyes and your heart felt bitter, he didn’t owe you anything so why did it hurt that he was leaving you here. 

“Joel?” He turned to face you and he sighed, that unfamiliar feeling settling in his stomach uncomfortably. “You’re safer here, kid.” He tries to reason, tears fall down your face, “that’s so far from the truth Joel and you know it. My own...” you stutter and exhale, “my own father tried to kill me in our own apartment. I’ll have no one if you leave me here. Please.” You beg and Joel’s shoulder slump, “you got 5 minutes, a second later and I’m leaving without you.” You nod and rush back to your and Tess room packing essentials and rush back to meet Joel, a burn present in your lungs from running and chest heaving, with all but 20 seconds to spare. “C’mon then, gotta get somewhere safe before dark.” 

For the first time in your life, you left the safety of the walls of the QZ and with Joel by your side you’d never felt safer. 

The weeks went by timelessly as you were covering ground quickly and only coming across a few infected which Joel took care of, few words were spoken between the two of you, but becoming more comfortable around each other, Joel was still at times distant with you, and you were as you saw yourself; a liability. You were another mouth to feed and body to protect, you couldn’t wield a weapon like Joel did, the trauma of ending your own father's life as the infected coming full grit when you came across a runner, what your father had turned into. Your body not strong enough to fight the infected off. Joel for one was grateful you did what you were told, exactly as you were told.

The next morning you were both awake at dusk, the bright colours reflected off your skin as you begin the journey across the country in search for Tommy heading north-west. You try to take your mind off the burn in your calves, you didn’t want to complain and make Joel stop, he was already doing you a favour by bringing you along so you decide to make conversation, seeing how much you can get out of him without being a pushover.

“What did you do before, everything?” Joel turns to look at you briefly before hesitating, “we were called contractors.” You nod, prying him to continue. “What’s a contractor?” Joel raises his eyebrows, “like building, houses, stores that kinda thing.” You smile, “that’s pretty cool,” Joel smiles to himself at your comment and shrugs nonchalantly, “yeah. We were cool. Everybody loves contractors.”

Joel secured a small house in the middle of the woods after 12 hours travelling and two small rests in-between, the darkening sky indication that you needed to stop for the day, there were no sign of recent tenants or infected in the house. He pulled a bookshelf over the front door and an old steel freezer over the back door, securing the house. You pull out your sleeping bag and set it up on the floor in the second story master bedroom, the mattress completely deteriorated showing exposed springs all over. Pulling out a can of baked beans, you eat them cold until you were scraping the bottom of the can to eat the remaining sauce.

Joel joins you and sets his own sleeping back up feet away from your own, lying down and starring up at the ceiling, the darkness pulling you into its haze.

“Joel?” Your quiet voice hardly reaches his ears across the room, he turns to you, “hm?”

“I gotta tell you something serious.” Joel watches you, “what?”

“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?” Joel huffs, before you can finish your joke he interrupts, “I hear the food is good, but they had no atmosphere.” You gasp, looking at him in fad-annoyance as he ruins the punchline of your joke, “you dick, you ruined my joke.” He rolls over so his back is facing you, so you don’t see the smile on his face.

A few minutes of silence pass and you stifle a laugh, trying to cover it as a quiet cough, “you know...” you start and Joel sighs, “the person who came up with the saying ‘laughter is the best medicine’ had obviously never had diarrhoea.” A silent exhale leaves Joel’s lips before he chuckles quietly, his body vibrating everything he does, you start laughing as a result and for the first time you hear him laugh. A few minutes pass and Joel readjusts his body once again, “get some sleep, try not to shit yourself while you’re at it.” You smile and shake your head, “night Joel.” He mumbles under his breath, “yeah. Night kid.”

Time seemed irrelevant when you’re travelling for 12+ hours a day on foot. The snow beneath your boots provided some relief to the burn in your heels. Alas; you didn’t complain, you felt like Joel was opening up to you and the last thing you wanted was to annoy him by complaining.

Joel knew you needed a break, he always knew. Your stubbornness and anxiety silenced you, your body sluggish and steps smaller as you struggle to step through the snow, puffs of cool air creating a cloud as you breathe through your mouth. He shortened his steps, he wanted badly to find Tommy but knew it would do him no good to have you collapse from exhaustion and him having to drag you the rest of the way, leaving you wasn’t an option. He admired your strength and resilience to continue even though you were straining your body, you had become his counterpart and he didn’t hate it. You were no equivilant of his daughter of his-by any means. The dynamic changing between you as you found yourself caring for Joel, fearing for him when he fought off an infected, wondering what you would do if you were left all alone.

“Stop thinkin’ so goddamn loud.” Joel’s voice pulls you out of your head and a wave of embarrassment comes over you, “sorry.” He huffs out of his nose and finds a small cave to set camp in, you start to gather twigs and branches and Joel takes them from you, “go and sit down, rest.” You start to protest, and Joel raises his eyebrows and you do as you’re told, setting up both yours and his sleeping bags in the empty cave, shivering as the winter air bites you through your flimsy jacket.

Joel comes back with the mountain of sticks in his arms, cradling them and starts to build a fire. With some matches he lights the fire, taking all too long to warm your freezing body.

His eyes watch you as you shiver, your sleeping bag tucked around you and your body sitting as close to the fire as possible without catching alight. He takes off his outer layer leather jacket and throws it over you, still wearing three layers and admittedly starting to sweat as the flames filled the small area of the cave. “Joel I can’t take this-,” trying to hand it back to him he holds his palm out to stop you. “I’m sweating, don’t need it. Put it on.” You comply and start eating your ration of beef jerky, swallowing a small amount of water to wash it down. “What sort of music did you listen to?” Joel lifts his head to see your body still, no longer shivering and he shifts to get comfortable, “this band called Bon Jovi, they were a rock band. Had some great hits.” Your eyes water slightly at the mention of the band that made the song your dad played for you every night , your dad always used to talk about rock and metal bands, how he grew up in the 80s and loved the music scene and style, widening his palate when he met your mum who was into pop and soul music.

You cry quietly and feel Joel’s eyes on you, “I’m sorry.” You wipe your tears away with your sleeve. “The song my dad used to play for me every night was ‘I’ll be there for you’. Bon Jovi was one of his favourites, turned out to be one of mine too-was.” Joel felt sympathetic toward you, he knew the song well and it was enough to make a suffering teenager emotional, let alone what you had to do to the man it reminded you of. “You should get some sleep, getting late.” You nod your head in agreement, your eyelids feeling heavy with each blink. The warmth that enveloped your body like a giant blanket, after a few minutes you felt yourself drifting to sleep, a gentle hum of your favourite song came from the man sitting across from you, unable to fight the melody you succumb to your exhaustion and fall asleep.

You woke up before Joel feeling refreshed, your mind replaying the hum of that song, felt like maybe you had found some kind of pathway to healing. You sat upright and packed your bag quietly, setting it to the side, picking up Joel’s gun and moving outside of the warmth of the cave, looking for any signs of danger while Joel gets some sleep.

You do a perimeter check and lean against a rock beside your campsite when you heard Joel wake shuffling noisily as he woke, his eyes turning to you in a panic to see you standing outside with his gun. “You fell asleep, so I kept watch, did a perimeter check and it’s all clear.” Joel groans as he stands, his knees clicking as he straightens his back. “You could’ve gotten hurt, give me that.” He snatches the gun off you and sighs. “I just wanted you to get some rest, I’m sorry.” Joel exhales and runs a hand over his face. “Wake me up next time, okay? Can't risk havin’ you out here.” You nod and Joel packs his things, handing you a portion of dried fruit to eat for breakfast.

White was all you could see for miles, the snow covered the ground in a thick layer, crunching underneath your boots, tree branches weighed down with snow bent crookedly. There were no infected out here, you hadn’t seen them for days. “Why haven’t we seen any infected?” You watch Joel as he walks beside you, head forward unmoving. “Too far from the city, that’s where most of them are.” You accept his answer and go back to walking in silence.

The thundering noise of horses comes barrelling towards you, half a dozen people all armed with guns, Joel grabs your arm and pulls you behind him as the people circle you, pointed their weapons at you and you turn to see you're surrounded. “Get behind me.” You do as Joel tells you and stand behind him, both raising your hands in surrender. “We're not looking for any trouble just passing through.” Joel tries to reason. The man directly in front of you wore a cowboy hat and bandeau around his face, “drop the gun.” Joel takes the strap of his gun off his shoulder and sets it on the ground, his arms back up above his head.

The man turns his attention to you, gun raised and aimed right at you head, “you.” Your heart is hammering in your chest and your breath quickens in a spike of anxiety. “Take five steps back.” Joel turns to look at you, then back to the man, “why don’t we just talk this through?” “Why don’t you shut the fuck up,” the man sneers. “Okay, easy.” Joels voice softens, trying to ease the tension.

You look at Joel and he turns his head to look at you and nods, his eyes trying to reassure you but faltering for a moment. “You’ll be okay.” You take five steps back from Joel and your eyes land on one man behind you with his rifle pointed at you.

“You been near infected?” The man you assume is the leader asks. “There aren’t no infected out here.” The man scoffs at Joel, “the hell there aint.”

He whistles and a dog starts barking, your eyes watching it as the handler brings him forward the leader speaks, “last time for a bullet, if you're infected, he will smell it and he will rip you apart.”

The dog barks aggressively and is let off the restraint of the leash, it walks up to Joel, sniffing his boots and jumps up on him with his front legs briefly holding the position before walking back to the handler. “Like I said, we can just move on.” Joel states, wanting you out of this situation he knows he can't protect you from. The man looks at you and nods his head, his gun pointing towards you, “now her.” The dog stalks towards you lowly growing, Joel looks over his shoulder to look at you, wide eyed and panicking you shake your head at him and he looks forward feeling panic course through his body, you weren't infected but didn’t like the dog's menacing behaviour. The dog approaches you slowly, Joels body tensing as he looks forward, unable to shake the terror of seeing you torn apart by this dog.

The dog nudges you and licks your hands causing you to giggle, you pet his head and Joel turns around to face you, exhaling the relief he felt as he saw you cuddling the dog. The man nods and whistles, calling his dog back away from you. You rolled your shoulders forward to relieve them from their tension.

“You just bought yourself ten more seconds, what you doin out here?” Joel replies, “just lookin for my brother, that’s all nothin’ more.” The lady from the back moves forward on her horse in front of Joel, “what's your name?” “Joel.” She looks between you and Joel and nods to the leader.

The man behind you pulled his horse forward, eyes fixated on your watch, you turned your head noticing him closing the distance between you, his gun still ready to fire. You yelped as he grabbed your wrist, inspecting the watch. “What the hell are you doing, she aint infected! Let her go.” Joel yelled. The man snapped at Joel who watched on hopelessly as the others watched on, “shut up,” he looked back to you, “where’d you get this watch?” You whimper against the grip on your wrist, “it was my mothers.” His grip on your wrist tightened and started to twist it, “tell me the fucking truth.” Tears slipped past your eyes as his fingernails dug into your flesh. “I’m telling the truth.” The woman protested, “Nick, leave it. Shes just a kid let her go.” He turned to snap at her, “this was my sisters watch and she was murdered in cold blood. She knows what happens to her.” Joels eyes looked to the group, hoping someone would help. You were just a kid; this grown man was hurting you. “I don’t know what happened, I swear, it was my mothers.” You were sobbing at the searing pain in your wrist and fear overcoming you. You looked at Joel, a silent plea, begging for his help. You were met with his conflicted eyes, hopelessness written all over his face.

You were pushed to the ground harshly, whimpering as you tried to stand, Joel takes one step towards you before the gun is pointed towards him, “dont.” Joel growls and looks between you and the gunman, the crack through the air happened so suddenly, your body falling limp, face first into the snow, blood staining your clothes and the snow beneath you. Through your ears ringing you hear multiple gunshots and Joel screaming for you, his body dropping to the ground next to you rolling you over so you're on your back. His hands covered your wound, “oh no. No, no no.” your breathing was erratic and tears fell from your eyes, Joel cradled your body in his arms, “you're okay, I got you.” He tears the bottom of your shirt and you write in pain, screaming. “I know, I know, I know it hurts.” He puts pressure on the wound, his body trembling as he watches you helplessly. He picks your body off the snow and the woman jumps off her horse and helps Joel lift you onto the now free one they had shot the gunman off. Joel straddles the horse and follows the group back to camp. Your eyes start fluttering, the weight of them proving too much to keep open, your body coming in and out of consciousness. “Look at me baby girl, keep your eyes open.” Your body falls limp as you pass out and Joel puts pressure on your wound with one hand, the other controlling the reigns of the horse. He can't let this happen again, grief overwhelming as he looks at your body and sees his failure of Sarah happening all over again.

It only took minutes to get to their camp, for Joel it felt like hours, time slowing as the fate of your life lies in his hands. Everyone got off their horses to help Joel carry you down, jumping to the ground he carried your limp body to the infirmary they had available, two people immediately ushering him to lie your body on the bed and they immediately tended to your wounds. “Joel?” He turned around to see Tommy and they met each other halfway to embrace in a hug, “Tommy.” Joels body slumped against Tommys as he led them outside the building and into the repair shop.

“What happened Joel, from the start.” Joel slumped as he sat on a stool, Tommy following and sitting beside him.

“She was attacked, her father was infected, and she had to shoot him, she had to kill her own father. I felt this guilt, that a child had to do that where she was meant to be safe, found her with the gun to her head.” Tears fell from Joel’s eyes, “I checked on her the next morning and was worried she was dead. It was only meant to be once, but she grew on me.” Joel rubbed the side of his face, “something about her felt familiar, she reminded me so much of-” Joel shook his head, not able to speak his daughters name as he chokes back a sob, “I couldn’t leave her there Tommy.” Tommy lifted his head to meet Joel’s eyes, “i have dreams every night.” “What kind of dreams?” Tommy replies. “This kid having the same fate as…Sarah, I'm failing it's all I do, it's all I've ever done. Now I can't help but feel like I should've left her, I wouldn’t have gotten her killed.”

Tommy shook his head, “this isn't on you Joel, you're fighting the world all on your own.” Joel’s voice was thick with emotion as he shook his head, “for the first time in decades I wasn’t alone, now I'm living that nightmare over again.”

The door flew open, banging on the cupboard as it flew open, Maria walked through the door watching as the two men stare at her, “she's awake.” Joel stands up that quick the stool falls to the ground and he’s out the door in seconds, ignoring the burn in his lungs as he runs to the building you were in, flinging the door open to see you bandaged up and hooked to an IV, eyes open and watching him. “Joel.”

The moment his name left your lips he was by your side, checking over your body and seeing if you were alive or if his mind was playing a cruel trick to deceive him. His hands held your hand, your free hand coming up shakily to wipe the tears that escaped his eyes, “didn't know you cared about me so much,” you say jokingly. Joels stare didn’t falter, “I do.” The seriousness in his voice giving you a comfort you didn’t know was possible from the day your dad died. “I believe you Joel.” Your eyes felt heavy as the pain medication dripped from the bag into the IV, flowing through your bloodstream, relieving your body of the pain. “Don't got enough damn blankets in here.” Joel huffs taking off his jacket and pulling it over you. “Get some sleep baby girl.” in your drug induce haze you reply, “mkay dad.” Emotion overcomes Joel as he starts to sing your favourite song;

“I'll be there for you

These five words, I swear to you

When you breathe, I want to be

The air for you

I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you

I'd steal the sun from the sky for you

Words can't say what love can do

I'll be there for you.”

[theetherealbloom]

I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY

Summary: Your soulmate’s birthday is written on your arm, and it just happened to be the day the world ended.

Paring: Jackson!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Soulmate AU, Apocalypse, ANGST, Fluff, Infected, Violence, Scratching, Age-Gap (the reader is in her 20s) Romance, Unrequited, Longing, Yearning, Secrets, Injury, Blood, Jealousy, Secret Glances, Metaphors, Character Death/s, Raiders, Ambush, Hospital, Stress, Hurt-To-Comfort, 

Word Count: 7k

A/N: I 1000% came up with this one night while scrolling through prompts and AUs I could do for Joel. I saw the Soulmate AU and I was like “oh, yeah,” *evil laugh* and then I heard the snippet for I love you, I’m Sorry and I was like, “yep, perfect, time to go through pain :D” 

Side note: I’m dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!

Song: i love you, i’m sorry by gracie abrams

| Main Masterlist |

September 26, 1967.

The date emblazoned on your wrist felt like a cruel joke, a bitter reminder of a world that had crumbled around you. The small pulse of the glow on your wrist thrummed, a haunting echo of the past. September 26 was outbreak day. The day the end of the world had come crashing down, leaving chaos and devastation in its wake. The inked numbers throbbed on your skin, a constant reminder that your soulmate was out there, somewhere in this apocalyptic wasteland.

You traced the numbers on your wrist, the ink seeming darker today, wondering if you’d ever meet the person who was meant for you. What kind of person could they be? Were they strong, gentle, kind, or hardened by the harsh world?

Hiding the mark from Joel for almost a decade took more than just care; it took an absolute miracle. You met Joel, Tess, and Tommy on your way to the Boston QZ. When you saw Joel’s wrist and the date there, you almost stopped breathing. Your birthdate on his skin was an unexpected blow. The ink on your wrist seemed to burn, yearning to connect with Joel. But his mark didn’t seem to react the same way.

When Joel and Tess started sleeping together, the walls between your apartments were paper-thin which seemed to amplify every intimate sound. You often found yourself wandering the hallways late at night, evading FEDRA officers, sitting on the rooftop, looking up at the empty night sky, stars twinkling, the moon bright. You wished for something good in a world gone bad.

You always wore long sleeves, even in unbearable heat. If you wore a short-sleeved shirt, you never took off your jacket, always coming up with some insane excuse about how cozy it was. It had become second nature, a routine you hardly thought about anymore.

As you kept your head down and worked, the grime and sweat accumulates on your skin. In exchange for your labor, you were given ration cards to obtain basic necessities.

"If it's so hot, why don't you just take off the damn jacket?" Joel gruffly asks, his irritation evident in his tone.

You stay silent and shrug, avoiding eye contact as you try to walk away to the next station, hoping to distance yourself from him. But he grabs your wrist, causing you to yank it away in surprise. "Joel, what the hell?"

Joel's tone is sharp and accusatory, causing you to instinctively flinch. "You're being awfully quiet," he scoffs.

You meet his eyes, trying to hide the turmoil inside. "What?"

"Something's off with you. What aren't you telling me?" Joel steps closer, invading your personal space, and you instinctively take a step back.

Panic sets in as you desperately search for a way out. You can't tell him the truth, so you grit your teeth and force out a lie. "I'm just tired."

"You're lying." Joel's words cut through you like a knife, making your heart race and palms sweat. The intensity of his gaze makes it clear that he won't let this go easily.

You try to remain composed, forcing a small smile. "I'm just tired from working all day."

Joel narrows his eyes, clearly not buying your excuse. "Bullshit," he says bluntly.

You bite your lip, feeling the weight of the lie in the pit of your stomach. "I promise, it's nothing."

Joel takes a step closer, making you back up against the wall. Your heart races as you feel trapped under his intense stare. "I know when something's bothering you," he says softly, his tone filled with concern.

You look down at your feet, unable to meet his gaze any longer. You've been hiding this secret for so long that the thought of telling anyone, especially Joel, terrifies you.

"Please," Joel pleads, his hand reaching out to gently touch your arm. "Just talk to me."

"I have to go," you urgently declare, heart pounding as you turn and bolt away, ignoring Joel's desperate calls for you to stop.

Your heart races as you run through the dark, narrow alleys, trying to put as much distance between you and Joel as possible. The fear and adrenaline pumping through your veins drive you forward, but at the same time, your mind is racing with thoughts of guilt for leaving Joel behind.

"Why did I have to lie?" you think to yourself. "Why couldn't I just tell him the truth?"

But deep down, you know why. You know that if you were to tell anyone about the secret burdening you, it could cost both of your lives. And as much as it pains you to not tell Joel, there is no other choice.

The memories hit you like a tidal wave, pulling you back to that moment in time. But this time, it feels like you're watching from a distance, like a bystander in your own body.

"You can convince them. You always do." The words echo through your mind as Tess begs you and Joel for help. Tears stream down her face as she pleads, "You have to get her there. Keep her safe. Make things right." Joel shakes his head stubbornly, but Tess doesn't give up. "Please, Joel. Please say yes."

Everything feels surreal as you remember the infected pounding at the door, their screams like a constant reminder of what's at stake. And then Tess is gone, sacrificing herself with the rest of the infected to save the others.

Tess, your friend died that day.

But then everything shifts and you're in a different place, a house belonging to Bill and Frank. Ellie is reading a letter aloud, and you and Joel are there listening. "I used to hate the world," Ellie says, "but I was wrong. When I met my soulmate, there was one person worth saving. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep…”

You remember Joel storming out of the house with the letter, his grief and pain palpable in every movement he makes. It's a bitter taste in both of your mouths, but it's also a reminder of why you keep fighting – because there are people worth protecting and worth saving.

Joel may not even realize it, but you've been waiting for him your entire life. And the same goes for Joel.

The scene changes once more; the deafening sound of gunshots pierces your ears and suddenly you're back in the hospital. You're behind Joel, gripping a rifle tightly as you navigate through the chaos and bodies scattered throughout the halls. 

Suddenly, you startle awake. Your heart races in your chest, and sweat trickles down your skin as you struggle to catch your breath.

You’re not out there. You’re in Jackson. You’re safe.

You briefly close your eyes, trying to shake off the lingering feelings of fear and loss from the dream. It had been two years since that fateful day in the hospital, and you were now living in Jackson with Joel and Ellie.

You gasped for breath and clutched your chest, trying to steady yourself with one hand on the softness of the sheets. You clambered out of bed and made your way to the bathroom, washing your hands and then your face. The cool water felt refreshing against your skin as you wiped it with a towel, trying to calm your nerves.

Taking a good look at yourself in the mirror, you saw the exhaustion written all over your face. The restlessness was evident in the dark circles under your eyes, and your hair was in a state of disarray.

"I look like I've been through hell," you muttered to yourself, sighing heavily.

You decided to take a shower, hoping it would help numb the pain. As the water cascaded over you, you let yourself sink into your thoughts, not really focusing on anything except the sound of water hitting your skin. Your bleary vision noticed the small cracks in the tiles on the wall.

Once you dried off and got dressed for the day, you headed downstairs to your small kitchen. The space had seen better days—cabinet doors hung slightly askew, and the pantry door refused to close all the way no matter how hard you tried.

You sighed, pushing the pantry door shut one more time before giving up and grabbing a mug from the chipped shelf. You poured yourself a cup of coffee, the bitter aroma filling the air as you took a tentative sip, savoring the warmth.

Later that morning, you stepped out of your little house in Jackson, pausing to take in the crisp air. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a soft golden light over the town. You noticed the creaky and loose steps of your porch under your feet, each step emitting a groan of protest. The railings wobbled as you gripped them for balance, making a mental note to add them to your growing list of things that needed fixing.

It was just about daybreak, the sun slowly peeking over the horizon, casting a golden glow. You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your jeans, the cozy sweater you wore providing some comfort as you made your way to the stables.

You were part of the barn support staff on rotation and consistently helped out in the greenhouse. Sometimes, you were out on patrol, but today was a barn day.

As you cleaned the barn and took care of the horses, you unconsciously rolled up your sleeves, figuring no one else would be up this early. You were alone in the stables, or so you thought.

Lifting a hand to wipe the sweat from your brow, you sighed. Suddenly, you heard the sound of something dropping and a familiar voice exclaiming, "Holy shit!"

You whipped your head around to the source of the sound and saw Ellie standing there, her eyes wide as she stared directly at your wrist.

"Fuck," you muttered under your breath, hastily pulling your sleeve down.

Ellie took a step closer, her curiosity piqued. "Is that... a soulmate mark?"

You avoided her gaze, feeling exposed. "It's nothing, Ellie. Just... don't worry about it."

"Nothing?!" She looked incredulous. "You’ve been hiding it all this time. Why didn't you tell me?"

You sighed, the weight of your secret feeling heavier than ever. "It's complicated, Ellie. Joel... Joel doesn't know."

Ellie’s eyes widened even more. "Joel? As in... Joel?"

You nodded, unable to find the right words. The truth was out now, and there was no going back.

Ellie moved into your space, her curiosity getting the better of her. Without warning, she grabbed your wrist, yanking it towards her. Her eyes zeroed in on the birthdate etched into your skin, her face a mix of shock and realization.

"September 26, 1967," she read aloud, her voice barely above a whisper. Her gaze snapped up to meet yours, eyes wide. "That's Joel's birthday."

You tried to pull your wrist back, but Ellie held on tight, her grip firm and unyielding. "Ellie, please," you started, your voice shaky.

"Dude," she cut you off, her tone urgent and insistent. "You need to fucking tell him."

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. "Ellie, it's not that simple," you began, but she shook her head, not letting you finish.

"Not that simple?" she repeated, incredulous. "You've got his birthday on your wrist. You're soulmates! How much more complicated can it be?"

Your shoulders slumped as you finally managed to free your wrist from her grip. You rubbed the tender skin, feeling exposed and vulnerable. "You don't understand," you said softly. "Joel... he's been through so much. And so have I. Telling him now, after all these years... it might just make things worse."

Ellie's expression softened, but she didn't back down. "You think keeping it a secret is any better? He deserves to know. You both do."

You turned away, unable to meet her eyes. "Joel... he's moved on, he doesn’t want anything to do with relationships, and I don’t want to disrupt that."

Ellie snorted, crossing her arms. "Moved on? Joel’s not exactly the moving on type. He carries everything with him, all the time. You think he doesn't feel something for you?"

You glanced back at her, tears welling up in your eyes. "And what if he doesn't? What if he sees this and... and it means nothing to him?"

Ellie sighed, stepping closer and placing a hand on your shoulder. "You'll never know if you don't try. And trust me, he’s stronger than you think. You both are."

Her words hung heavy in the air, and for a moment, you just stood there, lost in thought. Finally, you nodded, a small, tentative movement. "I'll think about it," you whispered.

Ellie squeezed your shoulder gently before letting go. "Good. Because secrets have a way of coming out, one way or another. And it's better if it comes from you."

As she turned to leave, you stared down at the date on your wrist, the ink seeming to pulse with a life of its own. 

Maybe Ellie was right. Maybe it was time to stop hiding.

You sat alone on the bench in the food hall, picking at your meal and lost in your thoughts when a familiar drawl pulled you back to reality.

"Hey, darlin’."

The sound of Joel’s voice made your heart skip a beat, and a sudden warmth spread through your body. You nearly choked on your food, glancing up to see him settling next to you, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Hi, Joel,” you sputtered, trying to regain your composure.

Joel chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Mind if I join you?”

You shook your head, swallowing hard. “No, not at all.”

He leaned back, his shoulder brushing against yours, sending a jolt of electricity through you. “How’s your day been?”

You shrugged, trying to appear casual. “Busy, as always. Barn duties and all that.”

Joel nodded, his gaze lingering on your face. “Yeah, I hear you’ve been workin’ hard. Always see you runnin’ around, takin’ care of things.”

A soft blush crept up your cheeks under his scrutiny. “Just trying to keep busy, you know? What about you?”

“Same old,” he replied, his voice low and soothing. “Patrols, repairs, keepin’ an eye on Ellie. She’s a handful.”

You laughed, the sound easing some of the tension. “She definitely keeps us on our toes.”

Joel’s eyes softened as he watched you, and for a moment, the world seemed to fade away. The bustling noise of the food hall became a distant hum, leaving just the two of you in your own little bubble.

“You look tired,” he said gently, concern evident in his voice. “Everything alright?”

You hesitated, the weight of your secret pressing down on you. “Just… a lot on my mind lately.”

Joel reached out, his hand resting lightly on your arm. The touch was brief but sent a shiver down your spine. His eyes searched yours, concern evident. “You sure you’re alright?”

Your breath hitched at the back of your throat, but you forced a smile. “Mmm... yeah. Just going through a to-do list in my mind right now.”

Joel’s brow furrowed slightly, his gaze never leaving your face. “Anythin’ that needs fixin’, darlin’?”

You shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just a few kitchen cabinets... the hinges squeak, and the pantry door doesn’t close all the way. Also a couple of loose steps and a wobbly railing too.

He nodded, his lips curling into a small smile. “Well, why don’t I take a look? Might be an easy fix.”

Your heart fluttered at the offer, a mix of gratitude and the thrill of being near him. “You don’t have to, Joel. I know you’re busy.”

Joel chuckled softly, his hand lingering on your arm for a moment longer before he let go. “I’ve always got time for you. Besides, can’t have you fightin’ with those cabinets every day.”

You laughed, the tension easing slightly. “Alright, if you insist.”

Joel’s eyes twinkled with a warm light. “I’ll swing by tomorrow mornin’, if that’s alright with you.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending more time with him. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’d appreciate the help.”

He gave a slow, easy smile that made your stomach flutter. “Great. I’ll bring my tools and we’ll get this place sorted.”

The way he said “we” filled you with a sense of comfort and belonging. “Thanks, Joel. It really means a lot.”

Joel stepped closer, his hand brushing against your arm in a way that sent a shiver down your spine. “Anytime, darlin’. You know I’m here for you.”

You nodded, feeling your cheeks heat up. “I know.”

His gaze held yours for a moment longer, the air thick with unspoken words and the electric tension between you. Finally, he took a step back, breaking the spell.

“I should get goin’,” he said, his voice a bit huskier than usual. “Gotta talk to Tommy ‘bout somethin’.”

“Right, of course,” you replied, feeling a pang of disappointment but also a thrill of anticipation for tomorrow.

Joel lingered by the table, a hand on your shoulder. “Take care, okay?”

“You too, Joel,” you said softly.

He nodded and turned to leave, but not before giving you one last, lingering look. You watched him walk away, your heart pounding and your mind racing with thoughts of what tomorrow might bring.

The next morning, you were up at dawn, nerves and excitement thrumming through you as you tidied up the kitchen. Each movement was deliberate, an attempt to keep your mind occupied. But no matter how much you tried to focus, you couldn’t help but glance at the clock every few minutes, your heart racing each time the hands inched closer to Joel’s promised arrival.

As you finished your second cup of coffee, the knock on the door startled you, sending a jolt through your already frazzled nerves. You took a deep breath to steady yourself and opened the door to find Joel standing there, a toolbox in one hand and a warm, familiar smile on his face.

“Good mornin’,” he greeted, stepping inside, his presence filling the room.

“Morning, Joel,” you replied, the rush of warmth at seeing him making your voice tremble slightly.

He set the toolbox down and looked around the kitchen with a critical eye. “Alright, let’s see what we’re dealin’ with here.”

As Joel began inspecting the cabinets and pantry door, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. Every subtle flex of his muscles under his shirt drew your attention, and you found it hard to look away.

“Found the problem,” he said, pulling you from your thoughts. “Just needs a little tightening and some oil.”

You nodded, trying to focus on his words rather than the magnetic pull of his proximity. “I’m glad it’s an easy fix.”

Joel smiled, his eyes locking with yours, sending a spark of electricity through you. “Told you it wouldn’t be a problem.”

As he worked, you found yourself drawn to him, moving closer under the pretense of handing him tools or holding a flashlight. Each accidental brush of your hands sent a jolt through you, the air between you charged with unspoken desire. You felt your pulse quicken every time his fingers grazed yours.

“There,” Joel said finally, standing up and testing the now-silent hinges. “Good as new.”

You smiled, genuinely grateful and a little breathless from being so close to him. “Thank you, Joel. You’re a lifesaver.”

He chuckled, wiping his hands on a rag. “Just doin’ what I can.”

You both stood there for a moment, the kitchen suddenly feeling too small and too big all at once. The silence between you was heavy with everything you weren’t saying, a tension that seemed to thicken the air.

“Joel,” you began, your voice trembling slightly. “I really appreciate this. More than you know.”

He looked at you, his expression softening in a way that made your heart ache. “I’m glad I could help. And I meant what I said yesterday—you don’t have to do everything alone.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you took a tentative step closer, the distance between you feeling like an unbearable chasm. “It’s hard to ask for help sometimes. But knowing you’re here... it makes a difference.”

Joel reached out, his fingers lightly grazing your arm, sending a shiver down your spine. “I’ll always be here for you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

The intensity in his eyes made your breath catch. You felt drawn to him, the unspoken connection between you growing stronger with each passing moment. Without thinking, you closed the remaining distance between you, your heart pounding in your chest. 

His breath hitched as you moved closer, the air between you charged with a heady mix of anticipation and yearning. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the struggle between holding back and giving in. The warmth of his body so close to yours was intoxicating, and you felt your resolve weakening with each passing second.

“Joel,” you whispered, your voice barely audible but filled with all the longing you’d kept hidden for so long.

He swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving yours. “I—”

Just as the air between you thickened with unspoken words, a sudden, sharp knock on the door interrupted the moment. You both turned to see a young woman standing there, her eyes lighting up when she saw Joel.

“Hey, Joel!” she called out, her tone annoyingly bright. “I heard you were here and thought I’d bring over some coffee. Figured you could use a break.”

Joel’s jaw tightened, and you could feel the tension radiating off him. “Uh, thanks, Vanessa,” he replied, his voice strained. “But we’re kinda in the middle of something.”

Vanessa’s eyes flicked to you, her gaze turning cold. “Oh, I see. Well, maybe I could help?”

Before you could step away, Joel’s arm snaked around your waist, pulling you close. The unexpected gesture sent a shiver through you, and you looked up at him, your heart pounding.

“We’re busy, Vanessa,” Joel said firmly, his hand resting possessively on your hip. “Thanks for the offer, but we’ve got it covered.”

Vanessa’s eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed in obvious jealousy. “Right. Well, if you change your mind...” She trailed off, her eyes lingering on you with a mixture of disdain and envy before she finally turned and walked away.

As soon as she was out of earshot, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Joel’s grip on your waist loosened, but he didn’t let go. His eyes met yours, the intensity in them making your pulse race.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, his voice low. “Didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. “It’s okay. I appreciate the backup.”

Joel chuckled softly, his thumb brushing against your side in a way that sent tingles down your spine. “Guess we should get back to work, huh?”

You nodded, reluctantly stepping back, though his touch lingered in your mind. “Yeah, the step and railing on the porch still need fixing.”

Together, you moved outside, the tension from earlier still simmering between you. As Joel inspected the loose step, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. The way his hands moved with such confidence and skill, the way his brow furrowed in concentration—it all captivated you.

“Can you hold this steady for me?” he asked, his voice pulling you from your thoughts.

You nodded, stepping closer to help. Your hands brushed against his as you held the wood in place, and the contact sent a jolt through you. The proximity, the shared task, the quiet intimacy of the moment—it all felt like a dance, each movement charged with unspoken feelings.

“Almost got it,” Joel murmured, his breath warm against your skin. You could feel the heat radiating off him, and it took all your willpower not to lean into him.

Finally, he tightened the last screw and tested the step, making sure it was secure. “There. That should do it.”

You smiled, genuinely grateful and more than a little breathless. “Thank you, Joel. You’re a lifesaver.”

He looked at you, his eyes softening. “Just doin’ what I can.”

As you both stood there on the porch, the morning sun casting a golden glow around you, the world seemed to shrink until it was just the two of you. Everything you wanted to say but didn't wash over you in the awkward stillness, and the feelings you shared were nearly visible.

The sun was beginning to set, casting long shadows over the landscape as you and your patrol partner, Mark, scouted the perimeter. He was easy-going, always ready with a joke or a reassuring word. You found his presence comforting, a steady rock amidst the chaos.

“Think we’ll find anything today?” you asked, keeping your voice low.

Mark grinned, his eyes scanning the horizon. “Nah, it’s been quiet for a while now. Let’s hope it stays that way.”

Just as the words left his mouth, a shot rang out. The next few moments were a blur of chaos and violence. Raiders, hidden in the underbrush, launched their attack. Mark managed to shoot one off you, his quick reflexes saving your life. But then, he was hit, and you watched in horror as he crumpled to the ground.

“Mark!” you screamed, dropping to your knees beside him. Blood poured from a wound in his chest, and his breaths came in ragged gasps. You pressed your hands against the wound, desperately trying to stem the flow of blood. “Stay with me, Mark. Please, stay with me.”

But his eyes glazed over, the light fading. You choked back a sob, fury and grief surging through you as the raiders closed in. You fought with every ounce of strength you had, slashing and stabbing, your vision blurred by tears and the pouring rain that had begun to fall. Blood and dirt smeared your face, and pain lanced through your body from multiple wounds.

The storm roared with fury, whipping the trees and lashing the ground with torrents of rain. You stumbled through the churning chaos, your clothes drenched and clinging to your skin, your muscles burning from the effort of pushing forward. Your vision blurred by the onslaught, you fought to keep moving, each step a battle against the ferocious elements. In that moment, all that mattered was survival - staying alive until the tempest passed.

It had been hours since Joel last saw them. His graying hair was in danger of being pulled out in frustration. You and Mark were supposed to be back by now. The patrol route you both took was supposed to be a shorter one.

Joel paced back and forth in the settlement, struggling to contain his anger. “Why the hell can’t I go out there, Tommy? She’s my partner, my—” He cut himself off, frustration and fear etched into his features.

Tommy placed a hand on his shoulder, his voice firm. “You’re too close to this, Joel. You need to stay here. I’ll find her.”

Hours dragged by, each minute an eternity. Joel’s rage simmered, his helplessness gnawing at him. He punched the wall, his knuckles splitting, but the pain was nothing compared to the fear of losing you.

Tommy had taken a small team out to search for you and Mark, but there was still no word. The storm raged on, making it even harder to find any trace of you.

Joel’s mind raced with possibilities – had you and Mark been ambushed? Taken by the raiders? Injured and unable to make it back? His heart clenched at the thought of you hurt or worse.

He cursed himself for not going out with you both, for letting his emotions cloud his judgement. He knew better than anyone that in this world, you couldn’t afford to let your guard down. But he had let himself become complacent, too focused on protecting you rather than seeing things clearly.

Bile rises in Joel's throat, the taste of fear and worry leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He swallows hard, trying to push the feeling down as he anxiously waits for any news.

The bitter taste of regret and fear lingered on Joel’s tongue, each thought of what could happen to you making his stomach turn.

The metallic taste of blood was thick on Joel's tongue as he bit down on his lip, trying to hold back his emotions. The rancid taste of fear and worry lingered in his mouth, coating his throat and making it hard to swallow.

Meanwhile, Tommy pushed through the storm, his eyes straining to pierce the darkness. The wind howled around him, carrying with it the distant echoes of thunder. He called out your name, his voice barely audible above the roar of the tempest. His heart pounded with a mixture of fear and determination, each step sinking into the mud as he trudged forward.

The rain came down in sheets, making it nearly impossible to see more than a few feet ahead. Lightning flashed, illuminating the twisted branches and slick ground for brief moments. He stumbled over fallen logs and through thick underbrush, the storm making every movement a struggle.

Tommy's eyes darted around, searching desperately. He felt a gnawing dread in the pit of his stomach, a fear that he was too late. Then, in the distance, he saw a figure lying still. His breath caught in his throat as he hurried over, praying that it wasn't you.

As he got closer, he recognized the bodies of the raiders, their lifeless forms sprawled across the muddy ground. The sight was gruesome, the aftermath of a brutal fight. His heart sank when he saw Mark, his friend and comrade, lying motionless with a fatal wound. He forced himself to look away, his focus now solely on finding you.

Finally, his eyes landed on you, crumpled and barely breathing. His heart pounded in his chest as he knelt beside you. Blood soaked your clothes, mingling with the dirt and rain, creating a grim tapestry that told the story of your fierce struggle.

“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Tommy murmured, his voice trembling with urgency and concern. He gently lifted your head, cradling you in his arms. You stirred slightly, your eyelids fluttering open to reveal dazed, pain-filled eyes.

“Joel?” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the storm. The confusion and pain in your gaze made Tommy’s heart clench.

Tommy’s eyes widened as he saw the mark on your wrist, illuminated by a flash of lightning. It was the same date he had seen on Joel’s wrist—the same mark. Realization hit him like a freight train, the pieces falling into place with a sudden clarity. “It’s Tommy,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ve got you. Just hold on.”

But you had already slipped back into unconsciousness, your body limp in his arms. Tommy’s heart raced as he gently but urgently lifted you, securing you on his horse. He mounted behind you, holding you close to keep you steady, and spurred the horse into a gallop.

The ride back was a blur of rain and darkness, each second stretching into an eternity. The storm seemed to rage even harder, the wind whipping through the trees and the rain stinging like needles. Tommy’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, fear for your life mingling with the shocking revelation of your connection to Joel.

By the time Tommy reached the settlement, his clothes were soaked through, clinging to his skin like a second, frigid layer. Every muscle in his body ached from the grueling ride and the weight of your unconscious form. The rain had not let up, and his vision was blurred by the relentless downpour. But he didn't stop, carrying you swiftly yet carefully towards the infirmary, each step a struggle against exhaustion and worry.

Joel was just by the large gate of Jackson, pacing anxiously. The moment he saw Tommy approaching with your limp body, his heart seemed to stop. His face, already drawn with worry, twisted into an expression of sheer desperation.

“Is she okay?” Joel asked frantically, his voice cracking. His eyes were wide, darting between Tommy and your pale face for any sign of hope.

“She’s alive,” Tommy said, his voice steady but laced with urgency. He handed you over to the medics who were rushing to meet them. Joel instinctively moved to follow, but Tommy grabbed his arm, his grip firm and unyielding.

“Joel, wait. Look at her wrist,” Tommy urged, his voice low but insistent.

Joel’s eyes followed Tommy's gaze, landing on the mark on your wrist. Recognition hit him like a punch to the gut, the date etched into your skin unmistakable. It was the same as his. Realization dawned with a mixture of awe and dread. “Fuck,” he breathed, the weight of it crashing over him. The one person he couldn’t afford to lose was you, and now he knew why.

The medics were quick, their movements efficient as they assessed your injuries and began to prepare you for treatment. They lifted you onto a stretcher, intent on rushing you inside where they could better tend to your wounds. Joel moved to follow, his protective instincts kicking in, but the medics tried to hold him back.

“Sir, you need to let us do our job,” one of them said, a young woman with a firm but gentle voice.

“No,” Joel growled, his eyes blazing with determination and fear. “I ain’t leavin’ her side.”

Tommy stepped in, trying to reason with him. “Joel, you gotta let the doctors work.”

Joel’s fists clenched at his sides, his whole body trembling with the effort to contain his emotions. “I can’t… I can’t lose her, Tommy,” he choked out, his voice raw with pain and anger.

“I know, but you stayin’ in there won’t help her. You’ll only be in the way,” Tommy said, his tone gentle but firm. He placed a reassuring hand on Joel’s shoulder, trying to ground him. “You’ve gotta trust them to do their job. Let them help her.”

Joel’s jaw tightened, his eyes locked on the door to the infirmary where they had taken you. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to be by your side, to make sure you were safe. But he knew Tommy was right. With a heavy, reluctant nod, he allowed himself to be led away, his heart aching with every step.

The minutes stretched into an eternity as they waited. Joel paced back and forth, his mind racing with worry. He could still see the image of you, broken and bloodied, every time he closed his eyes. The mark on your wrist haunted him, a constant reminder of the bond that tied you together. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he couldn't bear to lose you.

Tommy stood by, watching his brother with a mixture of sympathy and concern. He knew how much you meant to Joel, and the revelation of the soulmate mark only intensified that bond. He wished there was something more he could do, some way to ease Joel’s pain.

Finally, a medic emerged from the infirmary, her expression tired but relieved. “She’s stable,” she announced, and Joel felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “She’s got a long road to recovery, but she’s a fighter.”

Joel nodded, his eyes filled with gratitude and determination. “Thank you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. He would stay by your side, no matter what. The bond you shared was too precious to ever let go.

Days blurred into a haze of sterile white walls and the rhythmic beeping of machines. You drifted in and out of consciousness, each time greeted by the comforting sounds of Joel and Ellie. Joel's low, soothing voice often filled the room, whether he was talking to you or humming a soft tune. Ellie would sit by your bed, recounting stories with her usual animated flair, her voice a bright spot in the darkness.

One evening, as the storm outside mirrored the chaos within, you stirred slightly. The weight of Joel's hand on your wrist was a grounding force, his presence unwavering. He looked exhausted, his eyes heavy with worry, but he never left your side.

In one of your more lucid moments, you caught snippets of Joel's soft singing, the melody wrapping around you like a warm blanket. His voice was a balm, a tether to the world you were trying so hard to rejoin. He would often lean down to press gentle kisses to your forehead, his touch both a promise and a plea for you to come back to him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you awoke fully. Your throat was dry, and every muscle ached, but you were aware. The weight on your wrist brought your gaze to Joel. He was slumped in a chair beside your bed, his head resting on the edge, fast asleep. He looked worn out, dark circles under his eyes and a shadow of stubble on his jaw.

“You’re awake,” he murmured, his eyes fluttering open as if sensing your gaze.

“I...” Your voice came out as a croak, and you winced.

“Here, drink up,” Joel said, quickly pouring a glass of water and holding it to your lips. You drank greedily, the cool liquid soothing your parched throat.

After a few sips of water, you managed to find your voice again. “How long have I been out?” you asked, your throat feeling slightly raw from disuse.

“Almost a week,” Joel replied, his eyes never leaving yours.

“A week?” you repeated in shock. It felt like only a few hours had passed.

Joel nodded, his hand gently caressing your cheek. “You were pretty out of it for a while there.”

You felt a pang of guilt for causing so much worry and trouble for everyone. “I’m sorry,” you said softly.

“Don’t be sorry,” Joel said firmly, his eyes filled with intensity. “Just focus on getting better.”

“I will,” you promised, grateful for his unwavering support.

The relief on Joel’s face was palpable, but as he set the glass aside, a flicker of anger flashed in his eyes. “Were you ever going to tell me?” His voice was quiet, but the intensity of his gaze was almost too much to bear.

You looked away, shame burning your cheeks. “Trust me, I know. It's always about me.”

Joel's jaw clenched. “I just… I didn’t think you could ever want me.” Your voice broke, the years of hiding and pretending catching up to you.

Joel’s expression softened, and he took a step closer, his hand reaching out to touch your cheek. “You’ve always been more than I deserve,” he murmured. “I just wish you’d told me.”

Tears filled your eyes, and you struggled to breathe. “I love you…” you choked out, the words finally escaping your lips after years of being held back. “I’m sorry.”

Joel pulled you into his arms, holding you close as you sobbed. “I love you too,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “We’ll get through this. Together.”

In the midst of life's storms, a quiet calm settled around you both, like discovering an oasis in the desert. Amidst chaos and pain, you found your soulmate, and love emerged as the unwavering light guiding you through the darkest nights.

[joelmillerlover123]

Need You Now | JOEL MILLER X READER

One shot! Inspired by Need You Now by Lady A. so much angst. our emo king.

Summary : You came home drunk and you just needed to call your ex. Of course he came over.

Word count : Like 1k.

Pre/No Outbreak AU. Fem!Reader sorta. Emo!Joel. Crying!Joel. Yeahhhh buddy.

So sad so heartwarming.

You knew it was a mistake to let your friends drop you off at your house after a night out. Once you were alone, you were no longer a happy drunk. You cried about the weirdest things. But tonight, you were crying for a legitimate reason. You remembered why sober you went out that night.

Pictures from your previous relationship were scattered around your room, you were cleaning out him from your life. Your heart lurched. You saw his handsome face in the pictures, touching a gentle thumb over his smile. You felt the tears pool in your eyes, threatening to spill over.

What the hell? Why can’t you call him?

Your friends aren’t here and they don’t have to know.

You fish your phone from your purse, typing his name into the contacts bar. The line begins ringing and within one ring he picks up, an on edge “Hello?” greeting you. You forgot the time. Quarter past one. He probably thought you were in jail or stranded on the side of the road somewhere, you never called this late.

“Hey Joel,” You tried to say without letting your breath shake, “It’s fine. I’m fine, I'm just…”

“Yeah,” He said, finishing your thought, “I know. I miss you, too.”

“Well, come over, will you?” You bit your lip, anxiety tearing at you. What if he said no? You couldn’t stand it.

Silence filled the other line and you almost said something else but he said, “‘Course. Be there in five. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” You say, letting the words hang in the air on your end, only taking the phone from your ear when he eventually hangs up. You didn’t even care that this wasn’t the ‘right’ thing to do, you just needed him. And now.

The two of you broke up for stupid reasons. Stupid in your mind. Not stupid in his. He said he was ‘taking your future from you.’ He was always so worked up about the age gap. It was only like 15 or so years, nothing crazy. He said he didn’t want any more kids, which is fine with you. Really. You didn’t care. You loved Sarah and the both of them would always be enough for you. But Joel wasn’t convinced. It was always a sore spot in your relationship and when he finally broke things off because of it, there were a lot of tears from both ends.

A knock on the front door of your apartment alerted you that he was here. He refused to text you when he was here.

“Why would I send a text when I can just knock like a normal person?” His words echoed in your head from your first couple dates. It earned a laugh from you, loving his old southern values.

You open the door and there he is, in all his beautiful glory. He was so beautiful. You could never get over it.

He saw the tears in your eyes and his look went from his usual stoic and stony to concerned in a flash. “Hey,” He said softly, “What’s wrong, darlin?” He moved to take you in his arms, kicking the door closed behind him.

“Just… missin you,” You replied. You realized you still had your going out clothes on. A black lacy tank top and blue jean shorts. Your makeup was heavy but never dark. You knew your mascara was probably running.

“Hey, hey,” He said, embracing you and letting your cheek rest on his chest, “Don’t get all worked up over me.”

You pulled back to look at him, searching his eyes. “Joel. Of course I’m gonna get ‘worked up’ over you. I miss you. So much,” You said with as much seriousness as the tequila would let you muster.

“I know. I’m sorry,” He said, tucking a hair from your face, “But you won’t miss me forever.”

Silence came between the two of you. An understanding that he won’t listen, the stubborn bastard.

“You’ll move on, eventually,” He said quietly, “Find you a nice guy, a nice young man. He’ll be responsible and kind and will take care of you. If he’s smart, he’ll worship the ground you stand on.”

“Joel,” Your voice shook, more tears pooling in your eyes, “I don’t want a nice, responsible young man,” You say, a sob threatening your throat, “I don’t want anyone besides you. Please. I love you.”

Now it was his turn to cry. His eyes turned glassy but he quickly blinked it away, knowing if he cried that he would stay. He wouldn’t be able to leave you.

“Why?” He asked quietly, almost ashamed, “Why in your right mind would you love someone like me? I’m old and cranky and I’m not exactly husband material.”

“Joel,” You mouth fell open in offense. You couldn’t believe he was talking about himself this way, “When I look at you,” You reached a gentle hand up to his cheek, running your thumb over a stray tear, “I don’t see anything but a kind, gentle man who loves his girls fiercely and with no abandon. Joel, it’s enough for me that you love me. And then you have to go and love me well!” You laugh at that, it’s almost unbelievable how perfect he was for you and for Sarah. She was one lucky kid. You stop smiling and your face turns deadly serious, “Joel, I don’t care what you say, I will spend the rest of my life missing you. Even if I did end up marrying that nice young man, I would always wonder where you are, what you’re up to, what you’re doing, and what my life would’ve looked like with you. I will miss you and Sarah for the rest of my life. And I mean that.”

Now Joel was crying, not without protest. He tried his best to hold back the tears but they were flowing. He loved you so much. And to hear that you felt the same? Well it made this old man practically break.

“I love you,” He said quietly.

“I love you, Joel,” You say, running your thumb across the apple of his cheek in a soothing rhythm.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a gentle and soothing kiss. It was a cautious kiss, he was careful not to break you. That was, until, you tangled your hands in his hair, pulling gently. He deepened the kiss, running his tongue over his lips, which you opened your mouth to allow.

Yeah. He didn’t leave you. You would never drunk call him again, and he would never shed a goodbye tear over you again.

You were always grateful that sober you decided to get rid of those photos that night.

[joeldjarin]

[anama-cara]

The Healer: Bargaining finale (part 5/5)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. Joel Masterlist

Raider!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary: You finally reach the doctor's house with Joel and your sick little brother and you show Joel your appreciation. Reader's thoughts in italics. Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: 18+ mdni, sickness/fever, age gap, unprotected PIV

a/n: I wasn't sure how to end this. At first I had a much darker ending but I decided that I liked these characters too much so I added some *feelings*. Please let me know what you think

You had awoken to the sounds of birds chirping and soft breathing. Joel’s arm was draped over your waist and his hand rested on your stomach. It was pleasantly warm. In your mind you pretended that you were sleeping next to someone who actually cared. You imagined it was real. That you could have a companion that loved and protected you, that you could wake up like this next to them in the mornings. It was a nice daydream, but just that. That kind of dream didn’t exist in this new world, nothing good survived. And you certainly had no hope of finding a good man like that to love you.

Joel’s arm twitched in his sleep and you were pulled from your daydream and into your memories from the night before. How his lips felt on your neck, how his hands felt on your body, how his voice sounded as he said your name, how his fingers felt inside you.

For a moment you keep your eyes closed to the world and sink into the comforting feeling. Listening to the songbirds, letting the first rays of sunlight filtering through the tree dance over your closed lids, feeling Joel’s chest rise and fall against your back. You draink it all in, you hadn’t experienced a moment this peaceful in a long time.

There’s a rustle from the sleeping bag across the fire and you jump. Shit. What are you thinking?

You remind yourself that this is Joel, the leader of the band of raiders that terrorizes your countryside. He is not a good man, even if he is helping you, which he really isn’t, this is on just his way.  Suddenly you feel shame, you can’t believe that you let him make you cum, let him hold you, sleep beside you. You curse yourself for being so foolish and letting yourself go last night.

Sleeping beside a fucking criminal, a bully, a killer. A fucking menace. What the hell were you thinking?

You wriggle out of the bag and jump to your feet. To your relief your little brother just rolls over, still sounds asleep. You let out a breath.

“Scared of getting caught?” Joel’s voice is rough with sleep but you can hear the smile on his lips.

“Come on get up,” you kick him in his sleeping bag. “The sun is up we gotta go.”

“Ok bossy,” he grumbles as he rubs his palms over his eyes with an exaggerated yawn.

You wake up your brother as Joel packs up the camp and you’re heading out for the last leg of your journey before the sun is fully risen.

---

You’d been diligently following a few yards behind Joel, carrying your brother in your arms. He seems to get weaker with every step. In the last mile he doesn’t even respond to you when you call his name. He’s just limp in your arms and you can feel his fever burning through his clothing. You make a desperate sound as you try to shake him awake.

Joel’s head whips back. “What’s wrong?” He turns and retreats back to you.

“He won’t wake up,” your voice trembles as you’re trying not to panic. You hold back the tears that threaten to brim over.

“Jesus sweetheart why didn’t you say somethin.” He moves to take the boy from your arms but your grip tightens.

“What are you doing?” There’s fear in your accusation.

His eyes rack over your face, reading your expression. “You don’t trust me,” he says flatly but his expression almost looks hurt. He takes a breath and a hard expression returns to his face. “We gotta move a whole lot faster. If you don’t want him to die we gotta get to the house and get this fever to break.” Joel takes your brother from your arms and you don’t fight him this time. He takes off in a jog and you run after him, trying to keep up.

--

The house looks similar to yours, farmhouse style with a big front porch. Its white paint is peeling and there are a few cracked windows on the top floor but in all its still in good condition. As you come up the dirt drive you see a thin man in his late 60s watching from the window. After he sees the boy Joel is carrying, he disappears from the window only to reappear in the doorway. He sets his rifle down on the table and comes out onto the porch to meet you.

“Joel,” the man gives a stiff nod in greeting. His eyes dart to you then back to Joel.

“Doc,” Joel gives a nod. There’s respect but no friendliness there. Joel dips his head in your direction, “This here’s one of your neighbors, and this is her little brother. He’s got a bad fever and needs your help.” The doctor narrows his eyes at you and Joel, but when he looks down at the child in Joel’s arms his expression softens. “Of course, bring him in.”

You follow the him inside and Joel sets the boy down on the couch. The old man looks at you, “I’ll require a payment of course. What supplies have you brought to offer?”

“What I don’t, I-“ you stammer in a panic but Joel interrupts you.

“You and I will discuss payment later. You help him first.”

The man’s gaze shifts from you to Joel, he pauses a moment then nods in agreement. “Very well. But if he needs antibiotics the price will be doubled. Upstairs.”

Joel carries your brother upstairs and sets him in the bathtub. “Out,” the doc instructs him then turns to you. “You, undress him and fill the bath. Lukewarm. We’ll try to bring his temperature down. I’ll go get him a glass of water, we need to keep him well hydrated.” You tend to your brother for hour before the fever finally breaks. You help dress him and carry him to a bed in one of the guest bedrooms on the top floor. You go to sit beside him but the doc shoos you from the room. “No, he needs rest, out, out.” Exhausted you return downstairs and plop down onto the couch.

You must have been drifting off because you’re startled when the cushion sinks as a weight sits down next to you.  

“Doc is gonna give him some medicine, says he’s got pneumonia. You didn’t hear him coughing?”

You blink, quickly trying to gather your thoughts. “Umm, yeah, I did, I just thought it was part of a cold, you know cause its winter, I mean he always starts coughing when it gets colder. I didn’t think much of it, I was just thinking of his fever. I should have paid more attention.” Your voice tightens.

“No, sweetheart that’s not what I meant,” he trails of looking frustrated then leans back into the couch. “Doesn’t matter, it’s gonna be fine, he’ll get better now.”

“Joel, how much did he ask for? He said the medicines were expensive.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But-“

“I said don’t worry about it. I took care of it.”

You swallow, “thank you.”

His head turns to look at you, and eyebrow raised in surprise.

Tentatively you reach out and lay a hand on top of his, trying to express your appreciation. “I’m serious Joel. Thank you.”

The corner of his mouth twitches and he turns to face forward again. He lets out a sigh and leans his head back into the couch, closing his eyes and casually relaxing. You’ve never seen him like this. “Doc also said the boy needs rest so we’re gonna stay the night and leave tomorrow. Said we can sleep upstairs in the other guest room down the hall. I think he likes ya’ never seen him so generous before.”

You blink. We? “What about your mission? I thought you were supposed to meet up with your men today for a job?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “They’ll assume I got held up. They can do it without me.”

“Joel if you need to leave-“

He opens one eye to look at you. “There’s no place I’d rather be right now sweetheart.”

You swallow and gather some courage. “Joel,” you say hesitantly. “Why are you helping me? Why tell us about the doctor, why escort us, why pay for the medicine, why be… nice to me?”

He turns to face you fully now, his hand strokes your cheek then returns to grip your hand. You instinctively tense and go to pull your hand away but you stop as his eyes lock on yours. “Don’t you get it sweetheart?”

“What?” you reply a bit breathlessly. His eyes are making you nervous.

“I care for ya.”

You feel your heartbeat quicken and you’re silent for a moment as you let his words sink in. What the fuck?

“I know, I’m sorry for how we first met, I shouldn’ta done that, but-“

“Y-you care for me?” You can barely get the words out.

Joel shakes his head. “I shouldn’ta said nothin.” He moves his hand from yours. “No, wait-“ you reach out and grip his retreating hand. Why are you holding his hand? Why is your heart aching? Why do you want him to stay?

But despite the thoughts running through your head your body is acting. You shift closer to him and your hand that reached out to hold his is now slowly moving up his forearm in a gentle caress. Joel closes his eyes for a moment at your touch. You silently urge him to continue.

“Sweetheart I know I fucked up. You were so good to me and I didn’t treat you right. I know I don’t deserve ya.” He is looking into your eyes now, desperation in his eyes. “But I swear I wanna do right by ya. I wanna be there for you, protect you, be with you.”

You don’t break away from his gaze as you move closer still. You’re just inches away from him, almost touching his chest as he stares down at you.

“I want you” he whispers.

And finally you speak the truth that you know is in your heart. “You already have me Joel.”

Your hand glides up his arm and presses against his hard chest as you lean forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It’s tender and sweet and like nothing either thought you’d ever experience again in this fucked up world.

You lift your body from the couch to move fully into his lap now, straddling him. Your hands wrap around his face and you lean into him, deepening the kiss and pushing him back against the couch. His hands grip at your hips and you can feel his bulge underneath you. Instinctually you rock your hips into him and he groans in your mouth. You break the kiss and nip at his neck before sliding out of his lap and onto the floor between his feet. You kneel between his legs and look up at him, one hand rubbing circles over his knee. He’s looking down at you, slumped in the couch. You smirk as you watch his tummy rise and fall with each heavy breath. He spreads his legs more and you shuffle closer to him on your knees.

A wicked smile curves on his lips, “You gonna show me just how grateful you are now? This how ya thank me?”

You nod vigorously and reach out for his belt just as you hear the floor creak upstairs. You jump up and throw yourself onto the couch, lounge back and trying to act casual. Joel lets out a barking laugh at the panic in your eyes. “I didn’t know anyone could move that fast sweetheart,” he laughs as he pats your knee. Your heart is beating fast, you completely forgot there was someone else in this house. You were about to suck Joel off in the middle of someone else’s living room while they were just a few rooms away and could walk in at any moment.

Joel smirks and grabs your hand, pulling you up. “Come on.”  He leads you up the stairs and down the hall to the guest bedroom. “Goodnight doc, see you tomorrow,” he calls out loudly then winks at you as he shuts the door and pulls you towards the bed.

He pushes you down with his hands on your shoulders. He stands before you, tall and strong, dark eyes looking down at you and you feel yourself start to get wet. He reaches for his back and grabs his flannel, pulling it off over his head. Quickly he undoes his belt and drops his boxers and jeans in one go. He steps out of his pants and stands before you, completely naked, looking like a freaking god. You’ve never seen his body before, usually he tells you to strip and he remains fully clothed. This new imbalance has your blood pumping and your core clenching. You gulp as he closes the gap between you and scoops his hands under your arms to lift you and push you all the way up onto the bed. He lays over your body, face just a few inches above yours, dark eyes scanning yours. His hand reaches down between you to undo your pants and he pulls back for just a moment to pull your pants and underwear from your body. You take this opportunity to quickly shed your shirt before he’s back over your again. He rests on his elbows and his hands come up to cradle your face, fingers intertwining in your hair as his lips crash into yours, desperate and needy and hot. You whimper against him and he pulls back after a moment.

“Joel I need you, now.”

“Sweetheart I don’t wanna hurt you again. Lemme help stretch you first, get ya ready to take me.” His hand reaches down, trailing over your skin as he moves down your body.

“Joel, I’m ready now.”

His hand moves between your legs and he grins as his fingers reach your wetness. He rubs against your clit with two fingers. “Yeah you are. So wet for me already, fuck.” He plants a kiss to your neck, sucking at your soft skin as his other hands wraps around his cock and guides it to your entrance. You suck in a breath, tensing as you brace for the pain and the stretch, used to Joel shoving into you. But this time he doesn’t. He takes his time, slowly pushing into you inch by inch, letting your body adjust. He groans, fully inside you and you can’t help looking down between you. You watch as he moves his hips and slides in and out of you easily. He catches you staring and smirks, “like that? Want it faster sweetheart?” You nod, unable to speak, and he jerks his hips, hitting something deep inside you causing your head to fall back into the pillows. Your back arches as he sets his new pace and you groan. It doesn’t take long for you to feel your orgasm building. Your hands are gripping the sheets and you’re shaking your head and moaning as it takes over you. Your body spasms under Joel’s and he holds you down with his forearm across your chest. “Fucking bronco, hang on sweetheart I’m almost there.” He continues thrusting into you as you come down from your high and after a few more deep movements he’s spilling inside you, warmth spreading through your core. His breathing is ragged and he collapses on top of you, bodies flush against each other. He tucks you in his arms then rolls both of you to the side so he’s lying behind you, cradling you in his arms.

He kisses your hair from behind. “So fucking good.” He murmurs.

You lay together like that for a long time until your both starting to drift off.

“Joel, I-, I”

“I know sweetheart, everything will be just fine now.”

You smile to yourself as you drift off, comforted by the idea that for the first time since the world fell apart you think the next day will be a better one.

[missmarveledsblog]

I'LL SHOW YOU DIFFERENT (Joel miller x reader ) part 5

summary : peach is dealing with the aftermath of knowing she is found as joel and the gang convince her to stay around , a letter from the prison shows how big of a cruel joke life really is and her dad has a visitor first time in over a decade. tommy shows an even softer side.

warning : mentions of DV , some fluff and sweet moments too , allusions to past child abuse . no outbreak au . grammatical and spelling errors not proofread

previous part

Three little word throughout the space of time  could have  a big impact . three little words could shift a persons mood and demeanor.  When a heart is full its those three little words “ i love you” that could cause someone to brighten their day or crumble to the ground. It was those three little words of “ i hate you “ that could sting and break a heart or cause an eye roll if said in jest  .  it was such a power thing from such a small string of words and she knew it all to well . looking up at the wall  the paint almost looked like blood that dripped down each letter , she could feel the anger , that hate as  if it was the words being screamed out at her.  Projecting off on the drywall and enveloping her in an almost python like squeeze cutting off the air flow  and leaving her breathless  , deafened by letter nothing around her made a sound like someone hit the mute button .  the pounding and pumping of her heart felt like it was going to come out her throat . three simple words had such an effect on her she barely even registered joel miller at her side or the fact he was talking til he pulled her away from the red painted  “ i found you”. 

“ i’ll check around the house” was all he said once he put her sitting down it was only then she realized he completely removed her from the living room altogether .  her ex husband was in the little solace she had built for herself , he knew where she was and even though the sheriff told her all this she least thought she was going to have more time but yet luck was never on her side . it was like life itself was against her making her seem helpless no matter what it was she did . 

“ house is clear come on , you can grab some clothes and come to ours til we figure it out” joel said softly seeing the fear  riddled in her features. 

“ i have to go joel , i can’t stay around if  i do he could hurt you guys or my grandfather” it killed him how small she was , how months of cracking that almost titanium shell and it was fully back. 

“ you run , he wins darling i know your scared or shit maybe i don’t but you ain’t had what you did before” he crouched before her. “ you got us and i know for a fact we ain't gonna let anything happen” he took her hand in his hating how she tense up once more . “ now get your things you can stay til we get this son of a bitch , we can’t keep you safe if you run” he said softer knowing whatever or so however bad it was it was even worse her being alone to deal with it all . 

“ it’s too dangerous to have me around what if you .. you all get hurt because of me” she asked finally the emotions breaking through . 

“ we ain’t scared peach” a voice called only for her to see tommy standing at kitchen door along with her grandfather. “ i was in military sweet girl i can take a city boy anyday “ he winked.

“ please don’t leave i just got you back” her grandfather spoke and instantly it broke her and the years of pent up emotions poured out . tears of old and new feeling broke free  and down her cheeks  . she didn’t want to leave not ever for once she had more to her life , the haunted memories of her past now dulled out in away by the new ones , one that radiated a warmth she had never felt . 

“ you ain’t running we won’t let it happen we love ya too much” tommy patted her back a memory from his own past coming to the surface on this time it would end different he was going to make sure of it. 

“ tommy i gotta drop the girl home be back later you help peach out bring her things over , i’ll get that pizza you like on way home so don’t plan on leaving “ joel hugged her as she gave small nod . 

“ come on peach we are going to roommate” tommy smiled taking her hand leading her out the room . 

“ i can take her to mine?” john spoke up . 

“ she’ll be ok at ours he comes near , he’ll regret it more” was all joel said . 

“ dad is peach ok “ sarah asked softly the whole car trip was almost silent bar the music coming from the radio even ellie kept her mouth closed. 

“ she going through hard time is all , she be fine” he smiled sadly not knowing how much  he could tell . 

“ she gonna be safe right , he’s not gonna hurt her?” ellie spoke up honestly it was probably the longest she was quiet. 

“ yeah she’s gonna be safe, her ex husband wasn’t nice man and followed her here  but we will help her get this mess sorted”. 

“ i don’t understand it … how can such an angel like peach have to go through all this , she never done anything wrong and yet it’s like she being punished “ sarah sighed sadly . 

“Sometime life is hardest for the one who don't deserve it but we will all make sure she does after this whole thing”. 

“ you finally gonna ask her out “ ellie perked up . 

“ you stare at her like she hangs the moon and stars” sarah explained looking at her confused father. 

“ when the time is right and it’s not right now” he said knowing it wasn’t going to happen , she wouldn’t go for guy like him. 

“ she’s already a better mom” ellie huffed . 

“ jesus christ your getting hundred steps ahead here”  he felt his cheeks flush and he throat drying up . 

“ you think she would let us call her mom” ellie asked. 

“  what if she says no” he asked. 

“ she not gonna say no” sarah giggled. 

Peach walked into the miller house , place she’d been so many times before and yet it was o different this time , her mail in her hand feeling ridiculous to even think of such a thing in the situation she was dealing with. 

“ you’ll be staying in girls room so go up whenever you are ready ok  this place is your home til and even after all this is done with “ tommy patted her back . 

“ this is bad idea you don’t know him like i do , he should of been in prison for attempted murder and yet he got community service and a  suspended sentence” she scoffed .

“ this ain’t new york kid once we get him he’s going away for long time” the sheriff came to view. 

“ you got to be kidding me” she laughed although there was no amusement from her voice as she looked down at the envelope . 

“ whats wrong?” 

“ one monster hunting me down and another writing to me  i’m going to have a shower do me a favor burn this “ she threw it to the floor seeing the prison as the return address . 

“ he got some nerve” her grandfather growled. 

“  he apparently remorseful now he’s sober parole coming up ” sheriff scoffed . 

“ what am i  missing here tommy asked confused as looked between the two men. 

“  her daddy trying to write her to get her to come to his parole hearing” john looked at the envelope seeing the same one he had in his dash . 

“ i’ll put it up , she wants to destroy it we let her , she wants to read her well then we let her , she ain’t been in control of her life for so long it’s time to let her know she is” tommy picked it up putting it in the cabinet .

He wasn’t expecting it almost decade in here not once did he ever get a visitor that wasn’t his lawyer. A small part of him hoped she would come. Yet when he walked into the room he saw a man standing in a suit  , fancy looking man .  

“ and you are ?” he asked sitting down. 

“ mr . L/n, my name is nathan barnes , i’m a friend of y/n  i need you help? “  the man stood everything screamed lying prick , spending  day in and day out with scum he could tell this was one of them. 

“ what about y/n she ain’t visit me  , she probably hoping for day i die” he gruffed. 

“ she back in town and i was wondering best way to get her … get to her” this man and fake ass smile . 

“ what you want with my little girl and who are you really don’t try kid me son” he crossed his arms . 

“ smart man huh well she’s my wife real names david  i wanna get my wife back we had a major fight she took my money and everything but i don’t care about all that i just want my girl back” he sighed crocodile tears falling down his face it was almost laughable. 

“What makes you think i will help you or her” her father scoffed . 

“ because you deal with her the best and you help me out i’ll help you out” 

“  you can get me out of here?” he asked almost surprised . 

“  if you help me” david smiled brightly . 

“ i would rather spend my days in solitary than hurt my daughter any more . GUARDS bring me back to my cell and if this fuck even tries visit me about have him arrested for harassment” he stood watching that shit eating grin falling off his face . 

“ i will get her” he yelled. 

“ and you will regret it”  her father yelled back heading out the door   first thing he done was headed for the phone trying to call lawyer pass the message on but still it felt  nothing.  He found himself walking down to the cells watching as they all bowed their heads  , he made sure he wasn’t nothing in life even in prison he made sure he was going to be something . 

“ hey henry what can i do you for?” 

“ i’m pulling in that favor and  you aint the only one gather the others up i’m cashing it all in today” was he said heading to her own cell for once in his life he was going to do the right thing . 

She felt no better even after the hot water hit her skin , it was all too much , all a nightmare she kept reliving over and over again . now she felt her stomach felt both sick and well also so empty  dressing quickly she padded her way down the stair it was only tommy sitting at the table beer in his hand . 

“ your grandpa coming by in morning bring you first day to work , keep your mind off of all this working in the office and well not leaving you alone here” he said as she sat down. 

“ making sure i stay” she nodded. 

“ well that too but ain’t no self of running or you’ll be running your whole life and really would that be better” he asked softly. 

“ if meant others are safe then yes it would be better what if he hurts you or joel or my grandfather” she asked . 

“ he’s not , he type that won’t stand to a man  , he makes himself feel big by hitting women i’ll cut him to size if he even tries it “ he said so easily. 

“ why you doing this for me” she asked . 

“ because even in short time darling we love you and you are family we don’t let family face trouble alone” he smiled holding her hand.  “ first when i saw you i wanted to take you out … just listen but then i got to know you and shit you became one of my favorite people and we wouldn’t work as anything but friend or maybe  siblings or something those eyes light up not for me i know that but i love you all the same and you deserve love in you life whether its platonic or otherwise  and i don’t care if it’s the president of united states or queen of england no one hurts the people i love” he smiled. “ plus i ain’t the miller you want” he teased watching her eyes widen . “ look maybe when time is right and this is all over you could tell him that” he added. 

“ i think it better if i just stay single for rest of my life” 

“ maybe it time you took control of your life , yet it’s fucked and ain’t going to be easy but their something in you peach a strong soul and don’t tell me different because life has kicked you to the ground and you get up each time  , you get the wind knocked out of you and you breathe through it  if that aint strongest person  i don’t know what is “ he squeezed his hand. 

“  you know tommy miller you are going to make some girl out there very lucky one day and even though i  seemed to have the worse luck i seemed to lucked out when you and joel came into it” 

“ nah we are lucky one now enough of the sappy shit lets get watch a movie joel should be home soon” he patted her shoulder. 

part 6

taglist : @harriedandharassed @missladym1981

[pixi3h0ll0w]

Ultraviolence

Warnings: angst, ellie leaving to go find Abby and kill her, mentions of death, reader is Dina’s sister, let’s just say your gonna cry.

You were woken up by a noise downstairs, looking to the other side of the bed to wake Ellie up you were only met with an empty side of the bed and the you realized ellie was the one downstairs.

You shook your head lightly smiling walking downstairs, “el what’d I say about making midnight snacks—" you stopped frowning Ellie had a bag she was leaving?

“Oh god.” You let out a choked sob, “Ellie—“ Ellie knew what you were going to say so she stopped you. “Don’t, make this harder then it has to be.” You walk up to her, “don’t do this Ellie please.”

“I have to, I have to finish it.”

You stopped the scar on your stomach was showing from where Abby had stabbed you when you had risked your life for Ellie’s, it meant nothing. “Joel is dead, Ellie he’s not coming back you killing this girl will mean nothing .” You seethe and Ellie scoffs at you.

“It’ll mean she’s dead.” She says turning back around as you grab her chin making her look at you, “el— I love you, everything I did in Seattle was for you.”

“If you go.. how do I know your not dead somewhere hm? How do I know I’m not wasting away my life waiting for you?!” You shove her a bit. “I don’t plan on dying.”

“Yeah? Well neither did Joel, Jesse, or Dina.” Your words wound her because your right they didn’t want to die. Dina and Jesse had their hole lives ahead of them, and Joel.. he was meant to always be here.

“I’m not like you y/n I can’t eat I can’t sleep—" you stop her angry and upset, “my sister died trying to save you she lost her boyfriend and her baby along with her life!”

“Joel wouldn’t want this.” Ellie pressed your foreheads together. “You know he would do the same for me.” Her voice was so calm and yours was shaking.

“No, no..” you sobbed clinging onto her coat only for her to kiss your forehead and grab her bag, “you go— I’m not gonna do this again.”

“Then don’t.” She says looking at you one last time before turning away and walking out the door leaving you there broken hearted and all alone.

I’m so sorry for this!! I was feeling a lil angsty and got carried away…. Love y’all ?? Forgive me <3

[misspearly1]

One Year Anniversary Celebration Post

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

WC: 3.1K

Summary: No one is spared the difficulty and hardship of a rough patch in a relationship. Couples are bound to experience it at some point, it's expected, but when you're going through an exceptionally hard rough patch with your partner Joel, so bad that it seems all hope is lost, is there a chance that your relationship can be saved? Or is it too late?

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Relationship issues. Joel yelling at reader. Mentions of prior arguments. ANGST with a happy ending. Lots of kissing, apologising and making up. Smut. Mentions of self-pleasure. A little bit of nipple play. Unprotected PIV sex. Fluff.

AN: Ok ya'll. I'm not usually into angst, or particularly good at writing it, but I wanted to change things up a little and give it a go with some real-life issues. Arguments in a relationship is a natural thing, so I started off there. I added a little twist in this story too, just because I felt like it hehehe. I hope you enjoy the read, my loves.

Song Appreciation: I don't usually add this sort of thing, but I wanted to add a couple songs that I listened to while writing this story up. They put in those angsty feels, and they're just beautiful pieces of music too! Turning Page by Sleeping at Last. State Lines by Novo Amor. Where's My Love by SYML.

-

Rough patches in relationships are a scary thing. It’s frightening to not know if there’s an end to the constant battling. It’s depressing when it feels like you have reached your limit and are ready to throw in the towel.   

That’s the sort of rough patch that you face with your partner, Joel. Somethings off between you both, it’s been building for months now, you can feel it, but every time you bring it up with him, he just brushes it off. Brushes you off. Today, you are feeling that familiar emotion of ‘checking out’ of the relationship after trying to talk things out with him again and it terrifies you. It terrifies you so much that you’ve almost become numb to it. 

It started off in the morning with something minor when he awoke in a bad mood. The man’s entitled to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you’ve had your fair share in the past before, but to wake up and take that anger out on you is different. Every little thing was annoying him today and instead of taking a minute to cool off or understanding the source of what was bothering him so much, he yelled at you when you asked if he was okay. 

To an extent, you understand that it’s annoying to be asked if you’re okay when you’re quite visibly not okay, but his explosive reaction to your question was not warranted. After spending a whole minute, shocked by him raising his voice with you like that, you were the one to take a minute to cool off. It hurt to leave the house this morning on those terms with him, it hurt when he didn’t try to stop you and it hurts even more right now when you come home, and he’s not said a word to you yet. 

You approached him in the lounge where he was watching TV and said hello, but the silence he returned was excruciating. He’s still mad, but whatever reason he has to be mad with you is just not fair. You did nothing wrong and as much as you feel the urge to raise your voice with him, to tell him how wrong he is for shouting at you this morning, and to have the audacity to be mad at you right now, you were just too exhausted to argue. 

“Joel,” Your voice cracks as you try to gain his attention, but to no avail. He just closed his eyes with a subtle shake of his head, as if to say, ‘not now’. “I um… I just wanted to let you know that I can’t take much more of this so when you’re ready, I’d really like to resolve our issues. We can’t keep putting them off and hoping it will go away, because it’s clear that they aren’t going anywhere.” You explain calmly, though your voice was shaky with anger, you still don’t want to initiate a war of words and turn around to head up stairs instead. There’s nothing left to say, you’ve voiced your needs and it’s up to him now. 

Making your way through your bedroom and entering the bathroom, you closed the door behind you and turned the shower on to wash away today’s sorrows. The steady stream of warm water will ease the headache behind your puffy red eyes and relieve some of the tension. You’re all cried out for today and besides, you don’t want to cry any more than what you already have. 

The shower felt like a safe place, a place where you could momentarily forget about all of your problems, or a place where you can sob about them. And considering you don’t want to shed any more tears, you opted to think about all of the good moments you have with Joel instead of the ugly. You still love him, and you always will, it’s just that you miss those good moments. 

You miss the little things the most. For instance, the way he would gaze at you from afar when he thinks you can’t see him. He would look at you like he’s falling in love all over again. The way he would talk to you about anything and everything, even if he was rambling about absolute nonsense. The three o'clock in the morning chats in bed were the best. Always, without a doubt, the conversation would end with both of you laughing like idiots, or in a deep state of relaxation, snuggling cosily. The little acts of kindness: paying you a compliment here or there, making you a hot beverage when he makes one for himself or leaving little notes beside the bed when he’s up and out of the house before you even wake up. 

You miss everything that you and Joel used to be, and the difference from then to now hurts so much. Rough patches in relationships are a scary thing, but couples get through them. They fight with love, not with loathe. And lately, the love that you give Joel is not reciprocated and sex has become almost non-existent. He’s always tired, and whenever he is in the mood, you’re tired and not in the mood. You’ve become so depraved and neglected of his loving touch lately that you take care of your sexual needs yourself, but it doesn’t feel the same. It never does. 

The picture of Joel’s drunk in love expression appears behind your eyes as you think fondly of the good times in your relationship. You visualize the way his face contorts beautifully when he watches you fall apart for him. The raised furrowed brows, mouth falling open with satisfying groans spilling past his lips, praising you through over-stimulation until you tell him it’s too much. That look on his face sometimes pushes you to climax again for him. He would look so hungry and satiated at the same time, so aroused and pleased, or so proud of himself and wishful to witness the peak of your orgasm endlessly. 

You squeeze your legs together thinking about these things and feel the plentiful slick of your desire soaking your cunt. There’s so much of it and it physically causes an ache in your muscles, desperate-no, begging to be stretched and massaged by his fingers or his cock. The frustration builds at a rapid rate, but you’re too upset to take care of it yourself. You want your partner, the man who you swore would be your partner for life, to be the one to take care of you, not your own hands. Not tonight. 

Taking as long as you possibly could in the shower before your skin started to prune, you climbed out and avoided looking in the mirror, fearing that if you saw the broken look in your own eyes, you’d just burst into tears. You reach for your robe hanging up beside Joel’s on the hook, ignoring the memories popping into your mind of you and him sharing a shower together, and pull it over your body before tying it off at the front. And after towel drying your hair, you don’t even bother with brushing it as you are too mentally exhausted. 

Opening the bathroom door and feeling a pang of disappointment that Joel wasn’t waiting for you on the other side, it was wishful thinking and it felt like another hurtful kick when you’re already down. You know sleep isn’t going to come easy tonight, so in order to combat the struggle that’s coming, you move towards the record player and play some soft, ambient music on a low level. 

Already working its magic, the music helps soothe your current state of mind as you look for a pair of pajamas to wear. Bringing the record player in the bedroom was actually your idea to help Joel sleep when he suffers with nightmares and you didn’t think you would be using for a similar reason. You move towards the bed and drop your pajamas on top before burying your face into your hands with a shooting stab of pain in your temples. It was sharp and brief, leaving a dull ache behind. 

Using your thumbs, you rub your temples gently to ease the tension when suddenly, you’re startled by a large presence against your back. The warmth of Joel’s breath relaxes your nerves and the contact of his nose brushing across your earlobe makes you shudder. He reaches out to hold you and when his hands landed on your hips, your knees buckled, causing you to stumble back, almost as if you collapsed into his arms. Your head lolls back as you look away, too distraught to look in his eyes yet, but welcoming his embrace by sighing breathily, a sound that releases some of the stress. 

The man hears that sound in your voice loud and clear then proceeds to act on it by taking advantage of the way you’re tilting your head away from him. His lips, warm and supple, meeting the exposed skin on your neck make you gasp softly, your eyes squeezing shut to stop the new wave of tears from the embrace you’ve yearned for: a kiss, a simple kiss was enough to reduce you to tears. He moved up your neck, nipping a path that pimples your skin with goosebumps because of his wiry beard and his breath bellowing across your skin again made you feel weak in the knees again. It was shaky and stuttered, the slight whimper he produced sounded torn and fragile before he gulped back the lump in his throat. You could hear how broken he was by a single breath. 

Still, both of you were too wrapped up in the heat of your emotions to utter a single word. You wanted to say his name, moan his name actually, but it was stuck in the back of your throat, not ready to be vocalized. And Joel is feeling the exact same thing. He wanted to say sorry, you could tell by the way he shook his head, the way his breath began to quicken, and his lips trembled through his kisses on the skin behind your ear. You could feel the sheer need to apologize from the way he was gripping your hips and keeping you close, as if he’s pleading, screaming, for you to stay here, not physically, but mentally stay here with him, here in this relationship. 

Joel didn’t need to speak; his actions were speaking on his behalf. The direction of his hand moving up your body to gently hold your throat, tilting your head back to give him more access, that action spoke for him, and it was reassuring your doubts about his love. His arm slipping across your stomach, just under your breasts, pulling you in close as if he were afraid to ever let go again, reassured you that he’s not going anywhere. And finally at last, the way he tilted your face to look in his eyes, his blotchy red and completely wrecked eyes with new tears staining his cheeks, spoke of sorrow and guilt for his mistakes. He opens his mouth to say something, but where does he even begin to say sorry? Words simply couldn’t express his regret. 

A sniffle escapes you at the expression on his face, one that you’ve seen from Joel twice before and it still haunts your memories. The man is deeply pained to show such extremities of his emotions like this. He wanted to speak but couldn’t voice what he wanted to say and continued to let his actions speak for him cupping your cheek to pull you in, his thumb dragging across your skin to catch the tears falling your eyes. It made him choke to see what he’s put you through and he leaned in hesitantly, as if questioning himself worthy or not for a kiss. Your eyes darted down to his lips with the faintest whine exiting your throat, a noise that made him close the gap slowly. 

One kiss he planted before pulling back and hovering for a few moments, his eyes roaming the expanse of your face like he was memorizing it, like this was the last time he’d ever hold you. You could see his thinking process, could visually see the panicked look in his eyes at the thought of losing you right before he leaned in again to kiss you again, fervently this time. You moaned and parted your lips, inviting him in to express just how much he loves you and he did. 

Joel did more than just slip his tongue inside your parted slip and express how much he loves you; he dropped his hand to yank on the ties of your robe too, opening it up to expose your body for him to admire. The sudden shift in tension was palpable, powerful. The sorrow remained, but arousal and desire took over, clouding your mind with passion as he pulled the robe off your body eagerly. The item of clothing dropped to the floor and kicked up a draft of wind to glide up your legs, the cool air hitting your cunt making you feel just how wet you were. It was worse than before in the shower, the amount of it leaving a mess between your upper thighs. 

Turning around in Joel’s arms, you reach for his belt, but he bats your hands away and begins walking you backward until your legs meet the edge of the bed. Then, and only then, did he break off from the kiss to pull his shirt over his head before crashing his lips back onto yours, the quickness of his actions pushing you back to lay down. His shoes and pants came off even quicker, and the moan erupting from his throat when positioning himself between your legs was heavy with frustration. He is just as desperate to be loved, if not more, than you are.  

After he lines himself up at your entrance, he grabs the back of your thigh and uses it as leverage before rolling his hips forward slowly, burying himself inch by inch and savouring the sensation of your tight heat squeezing him. You mewl through it all until he’s buried good and deep, then you reach out to pull his arms where you want them most: one wrapped behind your head, and the other holding your upper arm. 

“Y/N.” He grunts your name, at last, breathlessly before pushing you further up the bed and carefully distributing his weight over your body. The man had you boxed in, surrounding you exactly how you like it as he began to grind in and out of your cunt at a slow pace. Using the hairs on his mound to stimulate your clit and draw out the filthiest noises you could produce, so many emotions were fading away. Not completely, but they were easing up with every second you near your climax. 

“Joel,” You moaned his name and it felt so good too. It felt good to not only hear the sound of your own voice without the heartbreak, but it also felt good just to say his name pleasurably. His eyes remained glued to your face, watching your expression soften with bliss flooding your senses as you clung onto his shoulders. Your nails dug into his skin harshly, causing him to gasp and wince for a moment before he leans down to rest his forehead against yours. His deep, guttural grunts blew across your face, almost making your eyes roll shut with pleasure from how satisfying they sounded to your ears. 

Squeezing his cock with a vice-like grip and throwing your head back with a crying moan, the man took advantage of the opening you were giving him yet again and ducked his head to take your hardened nipple inside his mouth, the added stimulation practically shoving you over the edge. The ecstasy of your orgasm was fierce and intense, bringing you to the brink of tears once more as you feel so high. Although it was a mixture of happy and sad tears, you just felt so euphoric to even focus on anything other than the sound of his groaning. It was beautiful. His voice is so utterly beautiful and attractive. Feeling you fall apart around him was intoxicating for the man. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” He gasps and whines seconds before pulling out to spill hot ropes of his seed across your lower abdomen, painting your skin like a canvas. “Fuuuck… Babydoll.” He growls deeply, his voice making you pulse around nothing and yearn to feel him fill you up with his spend instead. He breathes heavily while coming down from cloud nine, but the sound of your voice brings him back to reality. 

“Joel,” Your voice cracks as you try to gain his attention and he quickly opens his eyes to be struck with disorientation and light-headedness. It was a dream, he was dreaming. He turns to look at you standing in the doorway of the lounge, leaning against the frame as you begin to tell him what’s on your mind and what your needs are for this relationship to be saved. “I um… I just wanted to let you know that I can’t take-”

“I know.” Joel cuts you off abruptly, shaking his head with a panicked look in his eyes. “Baby, I know what you’re gonna say… Come over here, please.” Beckoning you over with his hand held out, the look of remorse was evident in his expression, and you jumped at the chance to try and fix things. You take his hand and sit down on the table in front of him, feeling the anxiety resonating from his shakiness as he holds you tightly. 

“Darlin’, I can’t explain what’s just happened to me right now, but… Fuck! It felt like a sign, and I know you can’t take much more. I know we need to resolve our issues because they’re not going anywhere.” He explains and your mouth falls open with surprise as it was exactly what you were about to say to him before he cut you off. “I promise to do better. I’ll communicate better, we’ll talk this out and do whatever it takes and… Christ, I’m so sorry for yelling at yer this morning. It was wrong of me. You didn’t do anything and it’s not your fault.” The man trembles as he speaks, the tears quickly welling up in his bloodshot eyes. 

“Oh, Joel,” You sob, your eyes also welling up with tears. “You can’t imagine how much I needed to hear you say that baby.” You surge forward and throw your arms around his neck, releasing the emotions you held onto all day about him shouting at you this morning and about all the issues that have been building up for months. 

“Actually, I can imagine how much you needed to hear that, darlin’.” He replies and wraps his arms around your back with the dream he just had at the forefront of his mind. A sign that reminded him how lucky he is to have you and he shouldn't be so careless and neglectful.

A sign that this is just a rough patch. He will get through it and he won't let you down.

-

Tagging:

Perma Taglist (Everything): @marydjarin @kirsteng42 @supernaturalgirl @supernaturalgirl20 @harriedandharassed @joelmillerscoffee @joelsrifle @swtaura @alexxavicry @boliv-jenta @dragonsondragons @practicalghost @janebby @faceache111 @sleepylunarwolf @tusk89 @anismaria @graciexmarvel 

Joel Miller Taglist: @extraneous-trip @readsalot73 @luvmeijii @pale-gingerale @joelsflannel @something-tofightfor @ponyofmilfmom @hb8301 @squidwell @spideysimpossiblegirl @mooraakath @michele131 @chxpsi @zeida @wordsfromshona @dins-cyare @maggiehelene @trickstersp8 @killergodessmm  @kunakizen @scorpio-marionette @churchofrain @munsonownsmyass @oogaboogasphincter 

[oph3liatlou]

— YOU’RE NOT FINE

pairing(s) - drunk!joel miller x comforting!reader

word count - 1,420

warnings - light cursing, lots of angst, mentions of alcohol and being drunk, mentions of death / trauma, verbal argument, non direct mentions of suicide.

proofread? - yes

note from author - i hope this does justice

summary - joel is grieving on sarah’s birthday, years after her death. he drinks way too much and comfort ensues.

You and Tommy were both well aware of Joel’s seasonal depression and how severe it got - usually a few days before Sarah’s birthday.

While it never tended to be too concerning, you knew that something was especially off - your gut feeling didn’t help soothe your anxiety either.

A sneaking suspicion that Joel wasn’t in a good state of mind whatsoever, caused you to go to his house. You didn’t even bother knocking, that’s how worried you were.

You opened the door gently, knowing he probably hadn’t locked it - you were met by the strong smell of bourbon in the air.

He heard the door and spoke to you from the couch, a bottle in his hand. “The…hell d’ya…w-want?” He grumbled drunkenly.

You sighed. “Jesus Joel…” You started as you let the door close behind you.

“I haven’t seen you all day, I was worried you-“ But I didn’t finish my sentence - knowing what he had tried to do all those years ago.

I looked around the house now, waiting for him to speak. I noticed it’s mess. The empty bottles everywhere…

He looked at you before the next bout of words escaped him. “I’m fi…just fin-..” He couldn’t even speak properly.

He tried his best to maintain a level-headed tone and remain in control of the situation. It was a clear struggle given his current state.

His fingers wrapped around the bottle as he took a swig. “Leave…”

You had been friends for a few years now so, you had seen Joel in his anual depressed states a few times.

You shook your head responding to him. “No.” You stated. “I’m not going anywhere - not with you like this.”

Joel watched as you moved toward the couch, sitting at the opposite end. His expression showed clear disapproval. “I’m f-fine, alright?!”

Your presence likely triggered him in this state, but the alcohol exacerbated his feelings ten-fold. Despite his irritation, he knew you were coming from a place of concern - not that he would admit that.

He took another swig of bourbon, and tried to adjust his position on the couch.

You looked at him with sheer concern. “You’re not fine, Joel.” You tried to keep your voice calm, but you were getting more and more agitated with his words.

You knew what you were going to say next would cause an argument - but he needed to hear it.

“…would she really want you to be grieving her like this?”

Joel’s eyebrows narrowed at the unexpected reference to his daughter.

He lowered the bottle and gave you a look of dissatisfaction at such an inopportune time - he wanted nothing more than to be alone, and drown his sorrows.

“Don’t.” He warned you.

He trailed off, then took another sip - clearly not wanting to engage in this conversation anymore.

You shook your head again as you turned your body to face him.

“You know that I’m right - she wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

His gaze shifted away from you, as he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes.

“J-jus’, leave me be…go home…”

He was quick to dismiss your remarks and how his current state of his mind made him feel in regards to your intervention.

His hand found the bottle once more, bringing it with him as he scooted away from you.

“Joel, please…” You sighed with worry. He was just as stubborn as you, if not more so.

You stood abruptly and snagged the bottle from his hands and started pouring it down the kitchen sink. “If you won’t help yourself - I’ll just make it easier.” You left the empty bottle in the sink.

“I tried to comfort you, but clearly that’s not working.” You were frustrated and just wanted him to vent to you - anything but denying how he was feeling.

He watched as you took the bourbon, and emptied it in the sink. His blood boiled as he watched his only coping mechanism get chucked down the drain. “Oh, reall-?!”

He trailed off. “I can take care of myself!”

You turned on your heel and pointed a finger towards him.

“No you can’t!” You were pissed now, more so because he worried you.

“I get it Joel - you miss her immensely but, drinking until you shit-the-bed isn’t taking care of yourself!”

Joel winced at your harsh words feeling them strike a raw nerve - he couldn’t even deny that it was true. “I don’t need your help…”

He shifted his legs while on the couch, turning to face you with a tinge of annoyance mixed with regret. “I…w- don’t need anyone’s help on this!”

You sighed before crouched in front of him. “Please…” You mumbled, pausing to reach for his hand. “Let me help you…”

The contact with your fingers made him instinctively shudder. He didn’t want the comfort or the sympathy - to feel like a burden. Especially to you.

He tried to pull his hand away but decided against it. “I…I jus’ nee-…”

He paused, realizing his words of defiance. He could feel his emotions bubbling as he fought against them - tears welded in his eyes. “…I need…her back!”

You didn’t respond, you just pulled him into a hug.

Joel didn’t fight back against your hug, he simply folded into your embrace as he was reduced to tears.

“I jus’…I just want it to st-stop!” He sniffled, his voice breaking as he spoke.

He tried to keep his emotions reserved, but he couldn’t deny the cathartic effect of someone listening without judgement or comments.

You pulled away from he hug, but you still stayed close to him. “You don’t have to hide your feelings from me…it’s okay to feel things, Joel.”

Joel’s emotions continued to get the best of him, he tried his best to reign them in - but the floodgates had already been torn open. “I’m…I’m sick of…”

He took a brief moment to find his words, taking a breath to compose himself as he tried to maintain his dignity in front of you. “I can’t…keep feeling empty because of her loss…”

You understood what he felt. Loss was a big part of this world now - nothing ever lasted. “It’s always going to hurt but…it gets easier.” You continued. “Especially if you stop blaming yourself…it’s not your fault, what happened.”

Joel’s heart felt some amount of warmth at your words, as they gave him hope for the future - but they also caused him to feel somewhat conflicted, given that he was unable to accept the fact that there were people who cared.

He didn’t fight back as you spoke, as he simply looked down at the floor - listening intently to your advice. “I…I know you’re right…”

“Do you want to talk more about it…” You asked gently looking at him. You were there to listen, help and to care. “…or maybe you should just rest?” You suggested.

He took a few moments to contemplate your question, considering his options. But he was done talking. “I think…I…I jus’ wanna’ get some sleep.” He tone was tired and weak, it was clear he needed to sleep off his current state.

You stood to help him up, clearly he couldn’t walk in his drunken state.

Joel let your assistance guide him towards his bedroom. He felt weak in his legs, but he didn’t argue against your help. The weight of grief took a serious toll on him. As you both entered the room, Joel sat on the bed and immediately fell into it with a sigh.

You moved back into the doorway of the bedroom before you spoke. “Ok, goodnight then. I’ll um, I’ll come back to check on you in the morning. Ok?”

Joel’s head rested against the pillow, but his eyes remained open - he wasn’t able to fall asleep yet as his mind was still racing. “S-stay, if you want…” He offered with more clarity.

But, you shook your head. You knew all too well that staying, was a bad idea. “I’ll just come back in the morning.”

He was reluctant to dismiss your presence and offer, but he knew your actions made the most sense. “Fine, I’ll get…some sleep.” His eyes closed with a weak yawn, and his breathing grew heavy as he fell into a deep sleep.

You watched him for a moment before turning his light off and shutting his door - leaving his home with the strong smell of bourbon still lingering.

[riotsuns]

i have the feminine urge to write a dbf!joel miller series, who wants it?

[vvhatoncewas]

༊*·˚where to look!

hello! `✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

im stevie! im 20, i like to not use capitalisation intentionally and i love collecting vinyls!

i also love writing for my favourite characters, such include—

loganhowlett.

wadewilson.

billybutcher.

homelander.

joelmiller.

and many more! ·˚ ༘

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗

my fics include—

smut,angst,fluff.

my requests are open!

so i hope to be writing for you very soon!

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

[jenna-ortega]

history of man

pairing - joelmiller x femalereader ratings - 18+ word count - 4k warnings - arranged marriage AU, dubious con(the whole arranged marriage against readers will thing), angst, brat!reader, softdom!joel, kidnapping, jumpscare!david, salt lake but a very different salt lake than the games (aka no cannibalism) , panic attack authors note - thank you for waiting for this! i really hope you enjoy it, no smut in the first chapter :( (ik boooo) but there will be smut to come. cause you know joel miller is nothing if not a seducer of woman. comment, and let me know what you think! lets have a discourse.

SUMMARY - You thought coming to silver lake would be better than your previous QZ living situation. Come to find out, you had more than freedom waiting for you on the other side of the wall. You had Joel Miller, whether you wanted him or not.

series masterlist

Fuck this. Fuck him. They hold you hostage then offer you food and water? This shit doesn’t feel right. Your whole body turns away from him. Pushing the glass further from you as you pout.  “Drink.”  “No.”   “Now. The growl in his voice startles you. For someone who swears they aren’t going to hurt you, it feels a hell of a lot like he is. Your eyes find his, now dark with a scowl on his face.  “I’m not gonna tell ya again, girl.”  You scoff. “What…you’re gonna force me?” 

Nothing you’ve been through thus far could have prepared you for this. 

It’s dark. So, so dark. 

“Get off me!” you screamed while trashing your body in the man's arms. Earning you an elbow to the side that made you groan at the harsh hit. Your body trembling, wishing you could see through the pitch black area ahead. 

You arrived at Silver lake only a short time ago, not realizing how much of a mistake this stop in your long journey would be. You only made it a few hours into nightfall trying to observe the town from the far woods when a bunch of men caught you from behind. Now dragging you across the snowy town and making a scene of it. 

“I will KILL you!” Your empty threats made the man dragging your left arm along laugh, causing you to turn your head and give him a nasty look. 

“Hear that, ted?” the mystery man nodded his head to the man on your right, “we caught a feisty one. Know just who’d like this one…” the men disregarded your attempts at kicking, laughing as they went back and forth as if this was just another day. 

You made it to what looked like some sort of run down restaurant, your brain working over time to think of every possible scenario that could happen here. Worst is you’re dead. Best is they feed you, cloth you, and tell you this was all a prank. But you doubt it’s the latter. 

You huff out a small ouch as you’re being thrown into a makeshift jail cell at the back of the place you surveyed earlier, hitting the grown so hard dust particles float in the bright white light casting above you. 

“Don’t move.” the taller man shouts down at you, 

Your eyes roll at the request, “Nowhere to go in here, jackass.” you cross your arms and death glare at him from below. 

“Fucking bitch,” his hand grabs your hair from in between the bars and drags you to it. Your whole body moved to follow his hand, trying to shield yourself from the pinching pain, 

“HEY!, get off her, man. You know they’ve gotta be in one piece.” the other man warns, thankfully giving your scalp a break from the pull. 

“Whatever.” he scoffs, turning to walk out with his buddy. Both of their backs towards you. You slap the cell bars and scream in frustration. Quickly realizing you needed to figure out your next move. You need to stay alive, you need to get the fuck out of here. Your body pushes itself against the wall, head falling back as you begin to silently cry. Nobody here but you and your thoughts for the foreseeable future. Your head falls against the wall, and your eyes close. Forcing yourself into slumber. 

—

Drool begins to dry on your face before you are suddenly awakened by the loud slam of a door. You gasp, waking up and forgetting this is now where you have been staying. A cold, dirty cell floor. You look up quickly and your eyes find a taller man, one you haven't seen before; walking slowly towards you. You instinctively crawl to the further edge of the cell.

“Stay back.” you warned, as if you had any upper hand in this situation. 

“m’sorry to scare you” the strangers hands raise in defense as he stopped walking towards you. “Just wanted to check on you.” He stands with his arms to his side now. Waiting on your next move. 

“Check on me?” you begin, voice dripping with malice. “I was just kidnapped and thrown into this fucking cell.” his eyes follow your body as you kneel to stand up. Wiping down your pants to get the dust off. Fully standing, now closer to his height. 

His face is flat and stern as he begins to observe how you are acting. Deeply in his own thoughts as he looks down at the ground, only to be brought back by your incessant nagging, 

“HELLO! Can you even hear me?” 

“I want to help you” 

You’re confused by his bold statement, but accept his help by nodding slowly as you walk towards him in your cell.

“You’re not leaving this cell until they think you’re calm enough…and you’re not leaving this town. At least not alive, I’m sorry.” 

“What does that even mean? What do you guys even want from me?” 

“It’s not the right time.” the man turns on his heels and begins walking out, leaving you more pissed than you originally were.

“Please, please don’t leave yet!” you whined,

He turns his head over his shoulder slightly to acknowledge your plea, his back still to you.There is a comfortable silence until he breaks it, “What’s your name?” 

You go back and forth with yourself for a little while, wondering if you should be honest. You have to get out of here, and maybe he is your best bet. If you play nice with him, maybe you can bring his guard down enough to get released and escape. You’ll play this role for now, and you tell him your name in a silent whisper. 

He nods in acknowledgement, and you throw his question back to him. Another silence looming before he breaks it, 

“Joel.” 

—

It’s been hours.

The metallic clang echoed through the dimly lit room as a new man fumbled with rusty keys. You squinted at the sudden sound as he swung the creaking cell door open. His average figure standing at the opening of your cell, beckoning you to come with him.  

“About time," you muttered, rubbing your eyes and standing up.

The man flashed a wry smile, his reddish beard framing weathered features. "Apologies for the delay. We don't get many visitors here in Silver Lake, and security is tight." 

You stay silent as you give him a shy smile. Following him out of the room, and close on his trail as you walk an appropriate distance away from him as he brings you outside. It’s an oddly calm vibe, and you begin to overthink. Is this your chance to run, he’s giving you so much freedom…would he be able to even catch you? He does look kind of older, skinner than the other men you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with. As if he reads your mind, he breaks your thought pattern, 

“Sorry about my guards. They can be protective of this place.” he eyes your bruises, 

“What is this place?”

The man gestured for you to follow again as he led you through town. "Silver Lake is more than just a town. It's a haven for those who survived the apocalypse, a place where people from different walks of life came together to rebuild what was lost."

As you walked, you noticed families huddled in makeshift homes, the sounds of children playing echoing through the air. The aroma of cooking wafted from a communal kitchen, and people greeted you with nods as you both passed.

"It's been a tough journey, but we've managed to create something special here," the man continued. "We have families, we have friends, we’re a community"

“A community that throws people into dark dungeons and leaves them there for days?” you bite back, causing him to stop in his tracks, turning to you. 

“I am very sorry about that. Let’s start over.” he holds his hand out for you to shake, “I’m David. And who might you be?” 

You give him a funny look, face scrunching in disgust, not wanting to do whatever this is. But you remember what Joel had told you. Remember your plan to play along. 

You shook his hand and told him your name, earning a smile from him, “It’s very nice to meet you.” 

The air was thick with a sense of uncertainty the rest of the walk. You both ended up at a rather small house, the look of it just like every single other one. As you approached the house, the wooden boards creaked beneath your feet. The windows, covered with tattered curtains, revealed only glimpses of the dim interior. A sturdy figure with a graying beard stood on the porch, his eyes scrutinizing the surroundings.

"David," Joel called out, a tight smile breaking through the gruff exterior. "Wasn’t expectin’ you so soon." 

“Thought I’d bring her here, have her rest up by you. Get acclimated to the community.” 

You’re confused by David’s words. Was Joel one of his guards? Like the other two men who had caught you? You have so many questions you wanted to ask, but you were insecure. Didn’t know if these were people you could really trust or not, and you just wanted to make it out of here. You had to push through, had to endure whatever the hell this was. Just until you were able to make it out. 

David begins to introduce you both, but Joel raises his hand stopping David’s words– “We’ve met.” 

David looks at Joel in a peculiar way, a way you couldn’t quite decipher yet. Then back at you, grinning widely, “Glad you’re taking this so well, Joel.” he walks back off down the stairs, turning back just once to shout, “You’re in good hands!” 

You sway back and forth slowly, hands crossing over the other as your gaze is glued to the ground. You don’t know what to think, what to do, what to say…

“You can come in.” 

—

You’ve been sitting in silence for the past 30 minutes while Joel is simmering something on the stove. His kitchen table is small, and placed in the corner of his modest sized kitchen. It all looks so..normal. So much like how it was before. You watch Joel as he stirs the big pot, banging the spoon handle on the side to watch the sauce drip back down into the pot. He brings the spoon back down onto the counter, turning towards you to sit. You rip your gaze away from him, pretending you haven’t been observing his every move.

“You’re nervous?” His voice is soft. He is still standing at this point, noticing you flinch as he goes to sit. You get the feeling he isn’t bad…but at this point, you don’t know what to think. You look up at him, biting your lip as you stay silent. 

“m’not gonna hurt you.” he reminds you. Joel grabs a cup from his counter, turning on the faucet and pouring you water. Water. You haven’t seen a stable source of water in…oh god it’s been long. 

Joel takes note of the glint in your eyes as he pours you a cup, taking a deep breath in relief. Seeing you nervous only makes the seed of guilt in his stomach grow. The soft look of fear you’ve had plastered on your face since he’s seen you makes him angry. You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have to do this. 

“Here.” He sets the water down in front of you, sitting in the seat next to you. 

Fuck this. Fuck him. They hold you hostage then offer you food and water? This shit doesn’t feel right. Your whole body turns away from him. Pushing the glass further from you as you pout. 

“Drink.” 

“No.”  

“Now.

The growl in his voice startles you. For someone who swears they aren’t going to hurt you, it feels a hell of a lot like he is. Your eyes find his, now dark with a scowl on his face. 

“I’m not gonna tell ya again, girl.” 

You scoff.

“What…you’re gonna force me?” 

“f’i have to.” 

“Then go ahead.” 

You hear him grumble to himself, words that resemble “fucking stubborn.” as he pushes out his chair, pushing it back in roughly. He slams a bowl down on the counter, causing you to gasp. You watch as he scoops a few spoonfuls of food into the bowl, turning abruptly to slam it down in front of you. Rushing off after he does. Leaving you to ponder your own thoughts. You’re looking down at the steamy bowl of what looks like a stew as you hear the front door slam open and closed. He’s left you. Has he gone to tell David about your interaction? Shit. You should have listened to him, you wanted to play this smart. Now for all you know this will be the last bowl of food you’ll have in a while. Will they bring you back down to the cell? Your thoughts frighten you into eating scoops of the food, taking huge gulps of water. Your belly burns from the nutrients you’ve been neglecting yourself for weeks. You sip the last remnants of liquid from the bowl and get up to set it down into the sink. With Joel gone, you were free to roam the house. But you just felt like a scared little mouse, too afraid to disturb anything not familiar. 

You’ve decided against your better judgment to take a look at the place. Just until someone eventually comes back to take you away. 

You look around the living room first, a small brown couch, enough to fit three bodies comfortably sits directly across from a fireplace. A mantle with nothing but dust lays atop of the fireplace, not homey at all. You inspect the room, finding nothing that tells you about the man who left you here. You decide to move on. 

There are 4 stairs that lead up into what looks like a small wing of the house, the last square footage you have left to survey. To your left, a small bathroom. A large tub, one that reminds you of yours from home. Bubble baths and candle lit nights fog your memory. You surprise yourself as you feel water run down your eyes. Tears. Shit. This is all too much. 

Just a few feet down, there’s an empty room with nothing but the sunlight of the open window shining through. Directly across, there’s another room. You break through that doorway and find a bed, a nightstand, and what looks to be a 6 drawer dresser filling the room. So empty, yet you wonder how he lives. You walk towards the drawers, opening up the top left one to find a few pairs of flannels. Of course. You open the top right and find it empty. He must travel light. 

You get bored and begin walking to the bed, sitting atop of it to feel how soft the sheets are. You haven’t sat down on a bed in forever. So comfortable. The sheets stretched over the bed softer than you remember sheets being. The pillows are fluffier than you ever felt. The blanket is so warm…so…inviting. Your body does it before your brain thinks of it. Crawls under the covers. Your head hits the soft pillow, and you feel your eyes closing and your brain settling down. Your shoulders relax into the mattress, and your breathing evens out. You’re gone before you know it. 

…You feel a thump on the bed that startles you awake, darkness engrosses the room and you thrash in bed to find your bearings. 

“Joel?” you rub your eyes and see him standing in front of the bed, you look down to see fresh clothes lying next to you. 

“Take a shower. We got somewhere to be.”

—

You are trying to catch up to Joel as he’s walking ahead of you, “Slow down!” you shouted to him, stumbling over your feet as you grabbed his arm to stay up.

“We’re already late,” 

“For what?” 

He huffs, but begins walking slower for you. Both of you now silently walk into the same restaurant you were kept at just a day ago. Your body goes rigid as you think of all the things that will happen. You fucked up. You did this to yourself, you didn’t follow the—your thoughts pause as you see the place crawling with people. Like a huge get together, chatter and laughs bounce off the walls. It’s so…alive. 

The crowd of people part, and all eyes are now on you and Joel. David at the forefront of the room. “Welcome, Welcome! We’ve been waiting for you two.” he laughs as he walks past the sea of people to you both, grabbing onto Joel’s shoulder and smiling widely,  “Hopefully you were late for a fun reason,” he winks at you two and you shudder, what the fuck was this guy assuming? You rip your hand off Joel’s arm, patting down your dress and making note of all the faces in the room. Your eyes catch the two men from your capture, hand and hand with ladies. How the hell did they land those girls? They were absolute dicks to you. But as you rip those men apart in your head, you notice everyone is coupled up. Kids in the mix as well. Maybe the community wasn’t terrible…seems family oriented at least. 

You follow Joel to the front of the room, wanting to stick by him and not venture off too far. He seemed to be a rigid asshole sometimes, but he was an asshole that didn’t hurt you yet. You stand close to him, arms bumping as you look up at him. He looks down at you, smiling with his eyes turned down, a worried look etched on his face. Maybe he was as anxious at public events as you were. 

“Please, everyone welcome our newcomer into silver lake!” David introduced you by name to the room, the whole room saying hello directly towards you in a cult like manner. 

“Uh–Hi everyone?” you stuttered, heart beating so fast the pounding began to overtake your hearing. 

David’s speech began again, mentioning new updates and new hunts their men had succeeded at. You zoned out again, only brought back to the present by Joel nudging you gently, your head batting to look towards David who had beckoned you to stand on the other side of Joel, sandwiched between the two men. You smiled and nodded, doing as you were told for this one instance. Put on the spot as you got comfortable in your new position, David called upon you, 

“She has been a wonder, ladies and gentlemen. An absolute prize. That’s why I think we should all welcome her with open arms.”

You stood by David's side, feeling the curious eyes of the community upon you. Joel, a stern figure with a rugged exterior, stood nearby. The unease in the room was palpable as David continued his introduction.

"And this, my friends, is a crucial time for us. Unity is our strength, and it's my pleasure to announce that we have a new bond to forge. In the days to come, our friend here will be joining hands with Joel."

Your heart skipped a beat, panic creeping into every fiber of your being. You exchanged a wary glance with Joel, whose expression remained stoic. David's words echoed in your ears like an impending storm.

"Joel," David continued, "our only hermetic guard, will stand as a pillar of strength for our newcomer. Together, they will contribute to the resilience of Silver Lake and ensure the prosperity of our community."

A lump in your throat formed, the weight of the announcement settling in. Arranged marriage—a relic of a bygone era—now thrust upon you in the midst of survival. Your eyes darted between David and Joel, the gravity of the situation sinking in.

"Survival often demands sacrifices," David said, his tone filled with conviction. "And in this new chapter, we come together to build a stronger, more resilient future."

The room buzzed with whispers, but you could only hear the thudding of your own heart. Joel's gaze met yours, and you saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes, as if he, too, had been thrust into this against his will.

As the community welcomed you both with a mix of cheers and polite applause, you felt the walls closing in. The air grew heavier, and your breaths quickened. This was worse than the cell. This was worse than your impending death. This was something you could have never seen coming. 

As David's words lingered in the air, a suffocating tension settled over the room. The weight of the announcement hung over you like a dark cloud, and you couldn't bear the collective gaze of the community any longer. Without a word, you turned on your heels and bolted from the room, breaths coming in erratic gasps.

The cold night air hit you as you stumbled into the open, the dim glow of lanterns casting long shadows over the uneven ground. Panic gripped you like a vise, and you ran blindly through the narrow pathways, seeking solace in the darkness.

"Wait!" Joel's voice echoed behind, his footsteps closing in. You refused to stop, the desperation to escape overwhelming reason. But he caught up, his hand gently gripping your shoulder. "Stop."

You whirled around, chest heaving, eyes wide with fear. "I can't do this, Joel."

He stepped closer, his gaze softening. "None of us asked for this. But we're survivors, and sometimes survival means making tough choices."

You shook your head, the panic escalating. "I won't be someone's pawn. I won't let them control my life."

Joel's expression softened, and he pulled you into a hesitant embrace. "Shh, babygirl, calm down. Running won't change anything."

The unexpected term of endearment caught you off guard, but the gentleness in his voice began to chip away at the walls of panic. You trembled against him, the tension in your body slowly dissipating.

"We can figure this out," he murmured, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. "You're not alone here. We'll find a way out. Told ya I wouldn’t hurt ya."

You took a shaky breath, the warmth of his embrace offering a strange comfort in the midst of chaos. The reality of your shared predicament began to sink in, and you reluctantly nodded. "I don't want this, Joel.."

He pulled back slightly, locking eyes with you. "I know. You gotta smarten up if you want to survive. No more being stubborn."

You wipe your tears from your cheeks, sniffling as you nod at him. “Okay.” 

“If we want to get out of this together. There are some rules ya gotta follow.” Joel began, surprising you with how fast the gentleness in his tone shifted into something more stern…

“This is not a fairy tale. It's about survival. Our survival."

You nodded, a bitter taste settling in your mouth. The harsh truth of your situation echoed in Joel's words.

"First rule," he continued, his eyes piercing through the darkness. "We stick together. There's safety in numbers, and in this world, trust is a luxury we can't afford. You stay close, and you follow my lead."

You swallowed hard, the gravity of the arrangement sinking in. "Fine," you mumbled, my defiance momentarily subdued.

"Second rule," Joel continued, unfazed. "We present a united front. Whether you like it or not, we're bound by this arrangement. Any sign of discord, and it puts both of us at risk. We can't afford internal conflicts."

You bristled at the demand,  frustration bubbling to the surface. "I didn't sign up for this, Joel. I won't be some indentured servant."

He narrowed his eyes, his patience wearing thin. "You're not the only one dealing with shit. I won’t touch you, I won’t make you any kind of servant. You follow my rules, and you don’t fuck with our chance at getting out. Understand me?"

Reluctantly, you nodded, conceding to the harsh reality that enveloped you.

“I said, do you understand me?” he repeats, expecting an answer from you. 

“I understand,” you whispered to him, lips curving down as you felt tears swell in your eyes.

You met his gaze, defiance flickering. "I won't play house just to appease the crowd."

He sighed, the weariness in his eyes suggesting a history of battles fought and lost. "You don't have to like it, but you have to do it. It's the only way we make it out of this mess alive."

As Joel's rules echoed in the silence that followed, you couldn't shake the feeling that your autonomy had been sacrificed on the altar of survival.

taglist - @joeldjarin @love-affair-with-fandoms @punkshort @movievillainess721 @fragilefable

[joelmillers-whore]

kry's fic catalogue

hello, and welcome to joelmillers-whore's blog. you can call me kry or joel's personal whore, either one is fine. i am here to be a slut, write about being slutty, and everything in between. you will find smut, fluff, and a lil bit of angst on the blog. all fics will be tagged and contain warnings, so please be sure to read them before you dive in. indulge, have fun, and be safe!

🍰 - fluff, 🐸 - smut, 🍇 - angst, 🥥 - hurt, 🌼 - comfort, 💀 - dark content

˖ . ☆ joel miller

╰┈➤ series

hard light | professor!joel x college student!reader | 🐸 when a new english professor begins teaching your class for the duration of your semester, you can’t help but develop an innocent crush on him. he’s as off-limits as he can be, but that doesn’t deter you in the slightest. after a drunk night, you accidentally email him something that wasn’t intended to ever be seen by anyone. but that doesn’t matter. it triggers a misunderstanding that manifests into an affair with your professor who is twenty years your senior. nothing good could come of this, right? [on going]

sweet as honey wine | dbf!joel x reader | 🐸💀 you've always had an inquisitive fascination with your dad's best friend and neighbour, joel miller. [on going]

╰┈➤ one-shots

i'll be here in the morning | joel miller x reader | 🐸🍰 after a heated argument, you try to go to sleep alone, but joel knows you can’t and he doesn’t like not sleeping next to you. he comes back and the next thing you know, the two of you can’t keep your hands off of each other.

choking hazard | dominant!joel x reader | 🐸 you’ve been waiting for joel all day, waiting for him to fuck you like he promised. but when he discovers that you’d gotten yourself off earlier, he makes you pay for being disobedient. 

the only thing i did right | friends to lovers | 🍰🍇🥥🌼 after a patrol gone wrong, joel races to get you back to jackson. while the doctor tries to save you, he wrestles with the guilt of letting you down.

i've got nothing left to hide | sequel to TOTIDR | 🍰 it has been a month since your injury, of taking it slow, and helping your father out more. and you’re sick of it. ever since you fully recovered you saw less and less of joel. actually, both miller brothers seem to be avoiding you and you’re determined to find out why. 

fuck me like you mean it | dbf!joel x reader | 🐸 a miserable time out at a club turns into quite the night when you run into someone you least expected to see. 

˖ . ☆ frankie morales

╰┈➤ one-shots

heaven and back | frankie morales x reader | 🐸 an object on your nightstand inspires frankie to experiment in the bedroom and you’re all for it. 

breathless | frankie morales x reader | 🐸 you are having a hard time focusing during sexy times with frankie, and he decides to try something to help you. 

couldn't help it | boyfriend!frankie x reader | 🍰 getting sick was not part of the plan and letting your boyfriend frankie take care of you while you’re sick was definitely not in that plan either. 

requests are open, feel free to drop me a line and i'll try my best to write you a lil something. check out my ao3 here!

[bert2011-blog]

A Helping Hand (Joel x Pregnant Reader) - Chapter 7 (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1132629127-a-helping-hand-joel-x-pregnant-reader-chapter-7?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=EnglandRugby&wp_originator=3e%2FQMd7qBV6UL4xCQMcMhDgknvIfa%2BJ7348B7JHbRJ9Mg0sjLxhEqI6e5o4i4r%2FAbC%2BIAS4JaUQF2rvV8O4ZSVd3diuAqt%2Fb%2FHf4ShfhR1%2FATrSuuS5EAieh9%2B6watSM As a woman who is pregnant you are doing anything if it means survival. Even so you found yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, or was it the other way around? Now you are in the community of Jackson and you can't help but attract a certain pair of hazel eyes. Will be posted every Wednesday! I do Not own any of the characters in this story

[misspearly1]

Congrats on your 1 year anniversary, beautiful! You're a joy to see and hear from!

I've thought about this for a bit and this would be my request.

Prompt #25 on the mix list:

“It hurts...” “what?” “Loving someone who doesn’t love you...”

It hits something very personal for me that constantly needs soothing.

But I won't lie to you, your sex pollen Joel fic with the weird bloater has been living rent free in my head to the point it's becoming "personal" 🥴 (Just trying to keep this PG.)

Oh, Naomi. Forgive me for how long I have taken to finish your request, but I am happy to say that I've completed it. You deserve all the love and so much more! I hope you enjoy what I've written and thank you for sending this in, my love. ❤️

Idiots in Love

Pairing: Joel Miller x You (F!Reader) 

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Friends to lovers. Little bit of angst with a happy ending. Smut. Kissing. Oral (F receiving). Unprotected PIV sex. Fluff.

Prompts:  “It hurts...” “what?” “Loving someone who doesn’t love you...”

Many Thanks to Char for doing the beta and writing all of the smut for me on this one. I couldn't have finished this story without you, beautiful! ❤️ @supernaturalgirl20

Observance is Joel’s speciality. He’s quite good at watching people go about their usual daily business and making little assumptions in his head about their character that, more often than not, turn out to be true. It’s a skill that he’s used for the longest time, even before the outbreak. 

The man used this speciality with you too. At the time, he had his reasons as you were the newbie. You had just joined the community after being out on the road for so long and naturally, he was dubious of trusting you. Joel’s always been like that. Ever since he became a father, he grew wary of new people entering his life, and after the outbreak, he became even more cautious of strangers.

You were a stranger to him and initially, he assumed you were just taking the necessary time to settle in. You didn’t make any friends in the first three months you were here, nor any enemies. You kept your head down, finished your shifts at work and went home.

You spent a lot of time at home, even on your days off, and for a long while, Joel thought you were an introvert; someone who just prefers to be on their own and doesn’t like to be around others. He understood that as he sometimes doesn't want to be around others as well and much prefers his own company.   

Joel had asked his brother about you before, and Tommy said that you were just more quiet than most, which is one of the many reasons why the man had his doubts in the first place. Being quiet isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you were too quiet.

After having the pleasure to meet you, though, he was delightfully surprised because the little assumptions he made about you and your personality turned out to be different. He had a glimpse of your personality and wanted to know more. Not just out of curiosity or to appease his worries of trusting you, but because he was genuinely interested.

Your smile drew him in at first, it was warm and generous, but your voice was most shocking to him. You spoke softly. So softly in fact that he often thinks about how your first ‘hello’ sounded to this very day. The man expected you to be afraid of interaction, or awkward in conversation, but you were quite the opposite.

You were friendly and sweet with a good sense of humour. The kind that makes him laugh with authenticity and not just to be polite. And now, two years after meeting you, you’re still all of these things and more. Joel and Tommy were wrong about you. You’re not quieter than most. You’re just reserved. You open up and share personal things with those you trust. 

And Joel is glad to be someone you can trust. You’re a real treat to be around, and whenever he isn’t with you, he thinks about you often. Which is what he is doing right now as a matter of fact. He wonders how you are feeling and what’s keeping you away. You weren’t feeling too good the last time he saw you on Sunday night, but you’ve been to work and around Jackson since then. 

You and Joel spend quite a lot of time together. Almost every day actually, but since Sunday night, you’ve been rather distant. You walked him home, and were in a good mood too. You were humorous and giggly, walking side by side with your arms linked together to stay warm. It was a lovely night to take a stroll, and he enjoyed every second of it with you. However, once you had walked him to his front door, he turned to face you and was about to offer you to come inside for a cup of sweet tea when you stumbled into him. 

You caught your balance quickly and apologised to the man, but when he asked if you were okay, you then complained about a sudden wave of nausea. He offered you to come inside for a glass of water instead, but you politely declined and said goodnight. Something didn’t feel right. Joel knows you like the back of his hand now and he could tell you were lying about feeling nauseous, but didn’t want to impose by asking you were sure or offering to talk you home. 

Now that four days have passed since he last saw you, he wonders what he did wrong. At first, he just thought that you might have wanted some time to yourself, but you’ve been actively avoiding him and he wants to know why. He doesn’t want to sit around and think about you, he’d much prefer to be in your company, but only if you want his company too. 

Pulling himself up from the sofa after lacing up his boots, he heads out the front door and makes his way over to your house. It’s not that far away. You only live three streets over from him, but he walked briskly with a determination for answers and an eagerness to see you again. In times like this where he hasn’t seen you for a while, it becomes clear how much he enjoys being with you. Truthfully, he misses you, especially the way your eyes light up with a smile every time you see him. 

When rounding the corner to the street you live on, he smiles upon seeing your house. It’s like a second home for him as you’ve welcomed him inside plenty of times before. Joel knows something isn’t right. He isn’t paranoid or over-thinking things. You would have visited him by now, or called him via radio at the very least. You have his private channel as well just in case, and he’s not mad at you. He’s mad at himself for pushing you away. 

As he jogs up the porch steps, he catches a glance of you in the living room and stops in his tracks to get a better look through the cracks in the blinds. Something is most definitely wrong. You’re crying, and the sight of you like this punches him in the gut. Your eyes were blotchy red and puffy, your cheeks glistening under the light above with a fresh set of tears. It’s beating him up to see you like this, and he’s hell bent on knowing the reasons why you’re upset. 

Approaching your front door and knocking once before opening it, he stepped inside whilst calling out for you. “Hey, it’s just me, darlin” he says quickly, “I’m coming in-” 

“Joel?” You cut him off before he could finish, “Shit, this isn’t really a good time. I’m um… I’m-” 

“Upset and in need of a friend,” Joel cuts you off now, finishing your sentence. “I know, sweetheart. I could see through the blinds and I’m not leaving you like this.” He takes his shoes off and places them on the rack then shakes off his jacket and hangs it up on the hook, no doubt while you wipe the tears away from your eyes and make yourself look less upset than what you actually are. 

As he enters the living room and takes a look at you, he sees that you have indeed wiped the tears and put on a fake smile as well. “I’m okay. It’s nothing.” You shake your head in denial, visibly lying through your teeth which only worsens the feeling in Joel’s gut because you’re trying to dismiss how you feel right now. “Just don’t want you to see me like this,” you whisper whilst lowering your head to avert his gaze. “I’m a mess, Joel.” 

“Listen to me,” he sighs heavily and moves toward you, “It’s not a bad thing to cry, Y/N. It actually feels good to release it, and if you want to, just let it all out.” He slowly takes a seat on the sofa, but leaves a bigger gap than what he normally does to give you the space. “And yer not a mess. You’re beautiful, darlin’.” 

“I’m just feeling emotional, you know?” You lift your head to look him in the eyes, “Like really emotional. More than I usually am, and I suppose it was too much…” You explain as another tear falls from your eyes, “...I don’t really cry in front of others. Especially you.” 

“I understand,” Joel replies with a soft tone and lifts his hand to wipe the tears rolling down your cheeks. “And I’m sorry for barging in here too.” He smiles with a quiet, humourless chuckle. “I’d leave and give you space Y/N, but…” He pauses briefly with another sigh escaping him, “...But something tells me it’s not just feeling emotional. What’s botherin’ yer? If you want to tell me, I might be able to help.” 

“It just…” You choke on the words while shaking your head again and the man lifts his hand again to cup your cheek, his thumb dragging across your skin as he moves closer. The action gave you comfort as you took a deep breath to gather yourself together. “It hurts…” Is all you could manage to say before closing your eyes. 

“What?” He asks, brows furrowed with concern. Silence filled the air with that question, and it’s almost as if you were reluctant to answer him. Your lip trembled as you kept your eyes closed, like you didn’t want to look at him anymore. The man felt your heart-break and it was agonising to witness you so upset like this. It worried him. Right down to the very core, it worried him deeply. 

He wraps an arm around your upper back, using his free hand to caress your arm and squeeze you reassuringly. “It’s ok. You can tell me, sweetheart. What hurts?” He asks again, to which you open your eyes slowly and make a surprised sound before gulping audibly. “Loving someone who doesn’t love me.” You reply, your eyes darting down to his lips briefly. 

Only in that moment did Joel become aware of how close his face was to yours. It was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. His heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest. He could feel it thumping in his ears. It was that loud. The man desperately wanted to lean in and kiss you, but couldn’t take the opportunity at this time. It feels like he would be taking advantage of you in an emotional state like this, even though he’s just watched you look at his lips. 

“I don’t know who this person is that doesn’t love you, girl,”  he breathes heavily, lustfully, “But they are a fool.” He shakes his head slightly, his gaze dropping to your lips then back to your eyes again. “It’s actually pretty hard not to love everything about you, darlin’.” 

“Really?” You ask, your breath hitching as you speak, and when he nods with a serious look in his eyes, a trembling smile appears on your lips. He is the one you thought didn’t love you. It’s been a long time since you felt this way about someone. There’s something about Joel that just captured your attention and drew you in. From the very first moment you met the man, he had your attention. 

It’s his eyes. The way his hazel eyes expand whenever he looks at you, which always follows with an enchanting smile. You like to make him laugh just to see that smile of his, although it doesn’t take much to make him smile anyways. He was stand-offish with you at first, naturally, but as soon as he warmed up to you, it just felt right. Like you were destined to meet him and feel that connection. 

However, you’ve spent most of your life alone. Especially out there on the road where danger lurks around every corner. You knew you had found a place worth settling into the second you entered the gates of Jackson, but the second you laid your eyes upon Joel and heard that soft southern drawl saying ‘hello’, you knew you had found someone worth calling a friend. You just didn’t know at the time that it would progress into something more. 

You should have seen it coming, the attraction was there in the beginning, but you didn’t want to risk losing him. Perhaps this was meant to be; the way it happened and how long it took for you both to come to your senses. Hearing those words from Joel was exactly what you needed to hear. It was enough to make you feel confident that he does love you more than a friend. He said it himself, ‘it’s pretty hard not to love everything about you’. 

 “Well, Joel Miller,” you break the silence with a bashful laugh, “You just called yourself a fool. It’s hard not to love everything about you too,” you admit while lifting your hand to cup his cheek, though he looked visibly annoyed. Not with you, but with himself. “Should have said something sooner. I-” he grumbles, and you watch as he looks at you with nothing but adoration in his big hazel eyes. “I should have done this sooner.” He says before closing the gap to place his lips over yours. 

You gasped softly before kissing him back. It was beautiful. He is beautiful. His kiss is somehow better than you ever could have imagined, and you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how it feels too. But to finally welcome his embrace made you feel light-headed in the very best way. You wanted to collapse into his arms and be completely wrapped up in his warmth. 

You could feel the way his hand clasped your upper arm, as if he were silently saying he didn’t want this to end anytime soon. And neither did you. In fact, you wanted more. So much more. Your hands slid up his chest and your fingers pawing at the buttons of his brown checked shirt as he tilted his head to the side with a request you’re familiar with. 

It’s been a while since you’ve felt intimacy like this, but you haven’t forgotten what all the subtle movements mean. You respond to the man with the softest moan and part your lips, granting him entry. Although your eyes were closed, they rolled back upon feeling his tongue slip inside your mouth. It felt so good, and the sound of his quiet grunts made you whimper with a burning desire to hear more. You wanted to hear everything he could offer. Everything you could draw out of him. 

You break off for a breath of air, moaning needily. “Joel please.” 

You lean in and your lips connect with his again, but this time fervently, with heat and passion in your movements. You run your hands up his chest and begin popping open the buttons, your hands shaky and frantic with arousal. You haven’t felt this horny in a long time. It’s almost as if you’ve become feral. Just so utterly desperate to feel more of his touch in areas of your body that you need it most. 

The thought of him entering you makes you whimper and your legs squeeze together with a throbbing pulse in your nether regions. “Let me.” He mutters before pulling back to tear his shirt up his body and exposing his wide chest for your eyes to admire. Your gaze lands on his taut pecs and the softness of his stomach, your brows raising with delight at the trail of hair underneath his belly button that leads into his jeans. 

You bite your lip with sinful thoughts crossing your mind and see him blush in the corner of your eyes. The way you were staring at him with nothing but attraction brought a flattered smile to his lips. He felt sexy under your ogling. “Hey,” he says, tearing your attention away from his body by placing his thumb under your chin to lift your gaze, “Eyes on me, gorgeous.” 

As he leans in and places a kiss to the corner of your mouth, you shudder under his featherlight touch and tilt your head back to relish the tickle of his beard against your skin. He nips a path along your jaw whilst his hand slips around the back of your neck, keeping you in place as he inflicts his bruising kisses to your neck. 

Your mouth falls open with a breathy moan escaping your lips, to which he responds with a whispered reassurance, “I got you, babydoll. Just relax and let me take care of yer.” Nodding to the man as you slowly laid yourself back into the sofa, he moved with you and carefully distributed his weight over your body. 

His hazel eyes were glazed over with lust as he stared down at you, the corners of his mouth curling into a devilish smirk. “Now this don’t seem fair. You’ve far too much clothes on, doll.” Your heart thrummed loudly in your ears as his hand skimmed down along the curve of your waist, the ache between your legs growing by the second. 

“Then do something about it,” you breathed out raggedly and before you could blink he had pushed himself onto his knees and was pulling your leggings off. With one tug he had left you bare from the waist down and when his eyes slowly took in the sight of you, wet and throbbing with need, he growled. “Goddamn. Now that’s a sight I’ll never get used ter….So damn pretty.”

He surged forward and captured your lips in a searing kiss and the feel of his tongue running along the seam of your bottom lip had you moaning beneath him. His hands roamed the expanse of your skin and you couldn’t help but shiver with anticipation when his rough hands pushed your top up slowly, exposing your breasts. 

The cool air made the peaks of your nipples harden instantly and he groaned into your mouth when he grabbed your breast, massaging it roughly before tweaking your nipple with his forefinger and thumb. “Take it off, babydoll,” he rasped as his hands moved to help you pull it over your head. 

“So darn beautiful,” he breathed as his lips found yours again. The ache between your thighs was beginning to become unbearable and you desperately wanted to feel him slip inside you. “Joel, please,” you begged as you lifted your hips up to grind against his hard length.

 Pulling away with a groan, he looked down at you with a sly smirk on his face. “What do yer want, babydoll? Tell me and I’ll give it to yer.” His hand moved down slowly along the skin of your stomach and you gasped when his fingers found your aching core. Closing your eyes, your body shudders as he runs his fingers along your slick. 

“Please,” you whimper, “Wanna feel you, Joel. Wanna feel you inside of me.” His lips graze your neck before his teeth nip your skin and release a strangled groan. “Not yet, sweetheart. Gotta make sure yer ready for me.”

His mouth began to leave a trail of kisses along your neck, down over your breasts and stomach until his face was completely nestled between your thighs. His tongue licks along your folds and you moan as your back arches off the couch, your hands finding purchase in his hair. 

He groans into your cunt as you tug hard on his hair and the vibrations make you gasp. He moves one of your legs over his shoulder and buries his tongue inside you. Jesus, he’s good at this. It makes you wonder how many women he’s been with but those thoughts don’t linger as he works you towards your release. 

He alternates between licking and sucking and shoving his tongue inside you and you are a complete and utter mess below him. Writhing in pleasure. That heat begins to build and you can feel yourself teetering along the edge. “Joel,” you whimper, spurring him on and when he suck’s on your bundle of nerves, you come hard with his name on your lips. 

Lifting his head, his tongue licks around his lips as he moves above you completely. Dazed and still horny, you reach up and kiss him tasting yourself on his tongue. You can feel him hard against you and your hands fumble with his belt as you try to free him from his jeans. He pulls away from you and quickly pops open the button and pulls at the zipper, pushing his jeans down his thighs and just past his knees. 

He doesn’t take them off completely and you look up at him with confusion. “No time, darlin’. Wanna feel you now.” Leaning over you once more he pumps himself twice before lining himself up with your core, the tip of his cock nudging your entrance. 

“Sure about this?” He asks, his voice soft and low as he stares you down, “Because once I take you, I ain’t ever letting you go.” 

“I’m sure.” You nod frantically, “Now fuck me. Please, Joel.”

He thrusts his hips forward, sheathing himself within you and he releases a strangled groan at the feel of your walls around him. “Jesus! So goddam tight.”

After giving himself a minute to calm himself, he begins to move in and out of you, pulling his cock back until just the head is inside you and thrusting back inside. Your arms grip his back as his hips grind into you, seemingly hitting that secret spot deep within and you can feel yourself on the verge of coming again. 

“Fuck babydoll I’m close, are you close? Wanna…wanna feel you come around me before I….fuck,” he groans as his hips begin to falter. You move your hand down between your joined bodies and rub over your swollen bud, and within seconds you’re coming with a strangled groan of his name. 

Joel thrusts twice more before quickly pulling out, coming hard as his spend coats your stomach. His breathing is ragged as he stares down at you, his eyes taking in your blissful dishevelled state. “So pretty like this, with my cum painting your skin. I love it…” He sighs softly, cupping your cheek, “I love you, babydoll.”

“Love you too, Joel,” You say with a smile.

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[pixi3h0ll0w]

Talk to me

Fluff, kissing, angst, swearing

“Just get out.” Dina says. “What?” You ask tilting your head laughing it off because not even five minutes ago you were laughing and joking until you confessed that you liked Ellie, perfect smiling funny Ellie.

Dina hated it she knew Ellie liked you too but dina liked Ellie and here you were talking about how much you were in love with her. “I said get the fuck out.” She says pointing towards the door and you halt.

“If that’s what you want.” You say tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You push open the door and let the warm spring air hit your wet stained cheeks as you make your way to Ellie’s house.

Knock. “Hi,” you hear Ellie say until she looks up and sees your red wet eyes. “Y/n..” she gasps hugging you. “Come inside.” She gestures and you immediately walk into her small little settlement.

“What happened?” She asks softly wiping the tears from your cheeks. “You can talk to me.” She reassures you. “Dina got mad at me while we were hanging out.” You say head now resting on your knees.

She stares at you you looked so pretty even when you cried, not the time Ellie, she pushed her feelings aside to comfort you. “It’s okay bunny I’m here.” She says. “Why’d she get mad at you ‘hm?” She asks pushing a few stray hairs from your face.

“We were just hanging out and— I told her I,” “you what?” “Like you.” You spit out before you can regret it. “You- like me?” She let’s put a breathy chuckle.

“I just totally ruined my chances didn’t I ?” You ask and she shakes her head. “Not at all by any chance you just upped them.” She says smiling leaning close to your lips. “So what we ‘doin?”

“This.” You say gently pressing your lips to hers and everything makes sense you both just click with each other. “I love you Williams.” “I love you too y/n.”