#june is like. if jae is invited ...

[rctributions]

juniper: [...] juniper: [...] juniper: yeah okay juniper: just us?

aleyna: nothing, was just thinking of you 💖 aleyna: wanna come over for dinner?

[catch-me-hello]

Debut’s Plan, Episode 4:  Big Names and Power Moves

MAN, it’s hard waiting each week for new episodes!  Welcome to Episode 4, with our so-called “Weakness” Plan, a chance to find out why Haru has lost all hope, and the possibility that we’ll finally get to see Minhyuk hosting this thing.  Let’s goooooo!

We open with everyone rehearsing for the Plan 2 performances.  Meanwhile, a blurred-out person is walking through the campus.  He’s impressed with the whole setup.  The camera pulls out, and – HEY!  It’s Johnny from NCT 127!

The trainees see Johnny walking past their rehearsal rooms and start freaking out.  They all gather to sit with him.  Johnny asks them how they handle the stress of being on this show.  They confess to eating snacks.  Johnny wants to show them another way and asks for a full-length mirror, which the production team scrambles to get him.

Johnny sits in front of the mirror and gives himself a pep talk.  Then he has Legendary Trainee Kim Ji Yong give it a try, and I can tell our boy is uncomfortable doing this in front of a group.  Hey trainees, I’m sure this is a healthy and positive way to deal with stress, but if this isn’t your speed, I have an American method.  It’s called the Denial, Avoidance, and Stress-Eating Method.  All you need is a bag of Fritos and a Netflix series, and you too can forget all your troubles.

Moving on.

The aespa Girls Vocal Team is rehearsing.  They choose Kim Min Jae as their leader and start dividing up the parts.  At one point, Kim Min Jae decides he wants to be the Main Vocalist as well, which is quite the power move.  The rest of the team looks off-camera and asks the crew of that’s okay and get a yes.  So Kim Min Jae gets both stickers.  I’d like to see him start gunning for the Lead Dancer and Center positions and cause some REAL drama.

Now we hop over to the IVE Shine With Me vocal group.  This team has my pick Kaira as the Leader.  He tells the others he chose them for his team because he believes in them.  Then, in a confessional, he says he chose them because he can beat them.  I couldn’t help laughing.  I know it’s mean, but I do like this kid.

We get some tension as they choose a Main Vocalist.  It’s the usual ego-bruising.  As they rehearse, we get some great shots of the campus.  This place really is amazing.

The Shine With Me Team stumbles a bit in the midpoint eval, with Seok June struggling to stay on tempo and Park Jun Hwan veering wildly off-key.  Kaira’s evil plan may be working.  The vocal coaches are NOT happy, telling the team they don’t think it’s possible for them to be ready to perform by the deadline.  DUN DUN DUNNNNNN….

As Team Shine With Me goes back to rehearsal, we get two more blurry figures approaching their practice studio.  Who are the new guest stars?  It’s Rei and Liz from IVE!  The very group whose song our team is rehearsing!  It looks like they’re bringing pizza.

I have to hand it to our trainees – they are able to speak to women.  Yes, they’re a little shy and nervous, but they’re able to talk to Rei and Liz without trying to tunnel out of the building and flee the campus. 

They talk about the song and how emotional it is.  As they discuss expression, the other trainees spot the two idols through the windows and gather around the building in shock.  The women invite them in.  They all eat pizza and drink from Pepsi bottles with the logos facing the camera and taking up half the screen in extreme close-ups.  Rei and Liz give them a pep talk about overcoming their weaknesses, because we have to stick to the theme of this mission.

Both women are very sweet, especially Liz when she talks about dealing with anxiety.  I mean it as a compliment when I say that here, they seem less like idols and more like relatable, likeable human beings.

Now for Team So Good, led by our Starship Trainee Legend, Kim Ji Yong.  We jump ahead to their midpoint eval, and Liz and Rei are joining the coaches.  We learn that this team has been a mess all week, spending more time on changing parts than learning the actual choreo.  Kim Ji Yong was scolded by the coaches during this time for his lack of leadership.  He took it very hard.

The midpoint eval goes much better.  I love the song.  Now we jump ahead to the final performance on D-Day, no setup or anything.  Okay, I guess we’re doing this!

This is a total summer jam, and I love it.  The choreo has a breezy, laid-back vibe to it.  If this is the kind of choreo Kim Ji Yong writes, he might be the next legendary choreographyer on these survival show judging panels.  The judges love it, too.  Even K.Will has nothing but praise.  That seems out of character.  Can someone make sure he’s okay?

Speaking of okay, it’s time for Dance Team We’re OK to perform.  (They’re shortcutting the name “I’m OK You’re OK,” which is fine with me because these song titles are already giving me carpel tunnel.)

We get a flashback to their midpoint eval, which, judging by everyone’s reaction, isn’t going so well.

This group is kind of all over the place.  You know it’s bad when they finish, and after a long pause, Choreographer Choi Young Jun’s first words are, “I will try to control my rage.”  Kim In Kyu says, “I feel like we’ve been tricked.”

I’m embarrassed on the group’s behalf, even though I know this is just the Flashback Formula at work.  Choi Young Jun is so mad, he replaces Jeong Se Min’s lead position with Haru.  It’s clear that Haru is carrying the team.  Later, in rehearsal, Haru breaks down from the pressure.  This is why we saw him crying last week.  He doesn’t want the lead spot and have to do the formation over again, especially since the final performance is the next day.

We don’t get to see them resolve this.  Instead, we skip ahead to D-Day.  If I know the Flashback Formula, this will be a perfect performance.  The group tells us in voiceovers that they were up all night changing the choreo.  It looks like Haru is now the lead dancer.  Let’s do this.

It’s fabulous.  The judges are cheering and laughing all through it.  It’s bouncy and happy and fun.  The judges applaud wildly at the end.  This group has redeemed themselves, which is a big relief for me because two of my voting picks (Jo Min Jae and Haru) are on this team.  (Don’t forget to vote at newkids.co.kr!)

But these shows don’t let us be too happy for long.  Jeong Se Min starts to cry because he made a mistake during the performance.  I didn’t even catch it, but I guess the judges did.  I would never, ever want to be a K-pop trainee.  Then Haru breaks down.  All these guys need a good night’s sleep immediately.

Now for the vocal group doing aespa’s “Girls.”  My pick Park Won Bin is in this group, as well as the all-powerful Kim Min Jae, who is both Leader and Main Vocalist.  In a flashback, we watch them bicker over the other vocal parts.  This goes on for a while.

As the flashback goes on, both vocal groups meet for a training session, and we get another celebrity visitor.

Oh my God, it’s Soyou!  I remember her from No Mercy!  Of course, she’s more well-known for being in the group SISTAR and being an amazing singer.  But I’ll always remember her as the No Mercy judge that Minhyuk had a crush on.  Does Minhyuk know she’s here now?  How romantic would it be if they reconnected on this show?  Someone write that and turn it into a K-drama!  Call it “No Mercy on My Heart.” 

Our group performs the song for her, and they are awful.  I actually had to turn the volume way down until they were finished.  Soyou does NOT look happy.  Back into rehearsal they go. 

But wait – we’re back to the “Trade Day” gimmick from the last episode, where the team leaders can choose to swap teammates.  Not this again.

I’ve already made it clear in the last episode’s recap how much I hate this.  In the end, Jin Bo Min gets sent to Team Shine With Me.  No exchanges, just booting him over to the other team.

Back to D-Day.  Time for “Girls.”  Let’s see how they do after kicking Jin Bo Min to the curb.

Badass.  Totally dark, mysterious, and badass.  Also, their costumes rock.  Park Won Bin steals the show for me, but the trainees backstage say Kim Min Jae carried the whole team.  The judges love them all, singling out both Park Won Bin and Kim Min Jae for credit.  A huge success.

Now for Team Shine With Me.  The bar has been set sky-high.  We get a flashback of them working with Soyou.  Remember, this is Kaira’s team that he picked to be worse than him.  And boy, are they.  While Soyou nods in approval at Kaira’s singing, she visibly cringes at the others.  It’s so bad that Soyou finally cuts the music and puts a stop to the whole thing.

After the session, Seok June looks traumatized.

He says he knows he’s not a good singer.  He didn’t need a famous vocalist reminding him of that.  So why is he trying to get into K-pop if he can’t sing?  I know we’ve covered this before, but it’s so cruel for entertainment companies to shove these trainees without talent onto these survival shows. 

During a rehearsal in front of the judges, the team walks onstage without Park Seong Hyeon because he’s sick.  As they rehearse, Seok June actually sounds worse than before.  Kaira, your team appears to be cursed.

I just hope they don’t crash and burn.  We’re now at D-Day.  Showtime.

Gorgeous, sad, and beautiful.  Kaira holds a long, powerful note, and I had no idea he could sing this well.  When the song ends, he’s actually crying.  The judges are moved.  They say that this group has potential as vocalists, even though it’s not their strongest talent.  I think I finally see the point of a Weakness Mission.

Okay.  Performances are done.  Time to find out who are new Top 7 is.  Everyone gathers in front of the 7-spot podium.  We see the overall rankings, but again, I can’t read Korean.  Our new Top 7 is:

Park Won Bin, one of my picks.  He stays on the podium.

Wu Hao, our passionate performer and another one of my picks.

Kaira.  He’s improving with every episode.  He stays on the podium and will keep getting my vote.

Park Won Bin, Wu Hao, and Kaira

Kim Min Jae.  This is his first time in the Top 7.

Starship Legend Trainee Kim Ji Yong stays on the podium.  So far, one person will be getting kicked off the podium, but we don’t know which one yet.

Lee Woo Ju, our 14 year-old maknae.  It’s his first time in the Top 7, so that’s two trainees who are about to lose their Top 7 rankings.

Kim Min Jae, Kim Ji Yong, and Lee Woo Ju

And finally,

Baek Jun Hyuk.  First time in the Top 7.

So that means Chu Yoo Chan, Jang Kyu Hyun, and Jang Yong Hoon have all lost their Top 7 status.

Baek Jun Hyuk, Chu Yoo Chan, Jang Kyu Hyun, and Jang Yong Hoon

Here are the overall rankings, for those of you who can read Korean.

We’re reminded again to vote for our Top 7 favorites at newkids.co.kr.  I have a bad feeling about my top pick, Six Singers trainee Jo Min Jae.  I really don’t want to see him miss another shot.

We get a preview of next week, and finally, Minhyuk will be here!  And oh my God – is that I.M, also from Monsta X?!

OH MY GOD IT IS!!!  IT REALLY IS!!!  I CAN’T FRIGGIN BELIEVE IT I FEEL DIZZY – <CRASH>

[lqfiles]

?@$%^ WDYM i remembered why i was invited to the function. i keep it classy 24/7 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

youre right that stg won't ever be overthrown the community (me) loves it too much.. nonetheless ptp is a cute au >.< can the development js come quicker.. u could throw those chapters out rq for us to enjoy.. heol......

yang tagging jae for him to get a hit tweet but ending up with threats oh my god he needs to study bird app harder. adding to that, i'd totally priv qrt his twt to be annoying it comes natural i fear

-- june

always so classy uri june-nim, forgive me for trying to taint your image..

you and the rest of the community (me) love it a lot i genuinely can’t believe i actually wrote that like daaaaamn what was i actually on during those months and how did i actually stay committed 😭😭 I THOUGHT OF DAILY CHAPS but idk i feel like some might not like that + sometimes i’m on a writing slump so 😣😣

HEJDHSKS ITS RHE WAY HE HAS HAD RHAT ACCIUNT SINCE 2019 trustt he knows he just wanted the engagement and clout 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ just didn’t expect THAT much and i would add to the ratio too, it reminds me of that time some local on twt tried to say the same thing and they got ratioed BAAAAD because the picture of jaehyun was sooo 🤤🤤 like they know damn well they don’t even believe that themselves

[jaehyunxlee]

jae: damn no hi hows your day going? jae: is that supposed to scare me? you're not the first hot girl in town that likes to steal stuff, so i wouldn't worry too much if the truth gets out jae: all i did was invite her for drinks and some food, june bug, nothing sexual about it jae: does that mean you think she's into me?

juniper : ̗̀➛ jae

juniper: u tell anybody what u saw that night n ill flay u like a fucking fish juniper: n dont fuck with leyna she doesnt deserve ur community cock. go find a common whore to fuck instead

[sleepyowlwrites]

find the word tag CCCXXX

today, on conversations with Jordan Darling: Jordan: I'm gonna go shoo those customers out Me: yeah, take some shoes- Jordan: *wide eyes* Me: -and "shoe" them out of here Jordan: I thought you were gonna say to throw shoes at them Me: oh yeah sure, 'cause that sounds like me @yejiwritesthings

boom

boast (can't believe I don't have this in relation to R)

bare (dirt in the doing)

Jet points his chin in the direction of the bathroom. “I’m going to bed. You should too. You look terrible.”

“You look terrible all the time.” But Rune looks less bare when she says it, and Jet lets it slide. “Will Copper freak out to see me tomorrow?”

Jet glances at his sleeping brother, how he’s blissfully unaware of anything. “Honestly, probably not. He’s been taking everything in stride.”

“Cool. See you in the morning, then.”

He waits until she finishes in the bathroom and is settled on the couch before he relaxes. It’s different to when he’s stayed over at her apartment. She has a guest room. They’re separated. Here, they’re a few meters apart and Copper is snuggling himself back into Jet’s side. It’s much more bizarre. Somehow, though, it doesn’t feel invasive.

bring x2 (dirt in the doing)

Rune sighs. “My apartment is closer. Will you let me help you walk there?”

“You just keep finding excuses to bring me home with you.”

“Like I need an excuse. I just need to remind you of my stellar coffee and you’d invite yourself.” She comes over to stand next to him, so close that their shoulders brush.

Jet looks at her sideways, then curses and closes his eyes when the movement disagrees with his neck. “Don’t say it.”

“Should probably go to the hospital,” Rune says anyway.

-

She’s not awake yet, and whoever her dreaming brain thinks he is must be someone she either fears or despises. The cold, angry terror that sinks into his skin from the dream-glazed look in Rune’s eyes is enough to keep Jet in his thoughts for too many seconds, long enough for her strike out with one hand and catch his lower lip with a clumsy fist.

Blood beads up where his skin splits, but he ignores it. Jet catches her hand and holds it, not too tight that it might scare her, but firm enough that it can’t cause more harm. He strokes the back with his thumb. Rune blinks once. Jet places his other hand on her cheek. There are no tears to wipe away, but he hopes the contact might bring her out of this nightmare gently.

She blinks again, and a veil falls away from her eyes. Dawn is approaching; the beginnings of daylight are filtering through the air. Jet can see her expression change from hidden despair to confusion. He keeps his hands where they are.

bang (youth story d01)

“Since Savannah’s too busy mooning over Jae, let’s just leave her behind.”

Cal slapped his brother’s arm and then grabbed hold of Savannah’s when she moved forward to slap him herself. “No, we’re not going to do that!”

Savannah huffed and turned to the side, fiddling with her backpack. “I am not mooning over anyone. I am a concerned friend.”

“You’re certainly a nosy friend,” R said mildly, too eager to continue this track of conversation even though he definitely knew he would only lead to an angry Savannah. “Since you can just read his feelings, why don’t you do that?”

“Clearly, that would be impolite.” She blew her pink bangs out of her face.

back (summer story)

This year, summer arrives on June 12 with the driest day in two weeks, and Jake drips out all his excitement onto the sidewalk while reluctantly yanking the weeds from around the mailbox. The sun on the back of his neck feels like a punishment. At least the weeds come out easily enough. Jake tosses them into the wheelbarrow and tries to find satisfaction in the accomplishment of his task.

He doesn’t, and it’s the defeat of the dirt on his jeans and the sweat in his eyes that finally convinces him: he needs a summer job.

bad (dirt in the doing)

Yarrow continues, “Now, Rune isn’t the same. She asked me if I wanted to crash at her place twice already, but I said no because my mom would worry. The point here is that Rune doesn’t feel the same about her personal space that Jet does. Honestly, I’d expect Jet to fall in love with Rune first, if that’s ever going to happen. But that’s not what we’re talking about. Rune is not in love with Jet because wouldn’t hesitate to inform him if that were the case, but I couldn’t be sure Jet would know that, so I told you. Just now.”

Sometimes it pays to have observant friends. Yarrow is so selectively observant, though, and Jet wishes he could’ve overlooked this particular development. It’s bad enough hearing his brother and Rune both parrot his state of mind back to him, but to know that he’s so see-through that Yarrow, the gang’s resident flower child, also just knows random deep things about him, is more than a little unsettling.

beat (a universe of you, 2020)

she looks down her nose at him, which, being shorter, means that he sinks into himself a little to accommodate her gaze. “take a cauldron, then. a lined one. and an iron lid to make sure it doesn’t escape.”

“will it?” he puts his hands on his hips and it shoots him back up to his correct height, leaving her staring at his shirt. it’s obnoxiously orange and covered in butterflies. he plucks one off to set in her hair.

it appeases her temper, having to look up instead of down, that companion to her curls. “of course. it’s hard enough to live in the universe, hard enough to look at it. of course it’s hard to trap in a small space.”

he scratches his neck. “but we trap it in small spaces all the time, if our hearts are to be believed, and you said they were.”

“not all hearts are the same. some can’t hold a beat, let alone the universe.”

burn (the sleepy stash)

Look inside again, look deeper still Where flowers bloom on staircase rails Where curtains draw at break of dawn Where hands are fixed and faces drawn My house was burning But my home stands strong

until, unreal, unveil, undo. BONUS: uncertain, unprepared. @souliloquyyy @viskafrer @thegreatobsesso @stuffaboutwriting @lanawritesalittle @talesofsorrowandofruin OR ANYBODY or nobody

[7-dreamers]

28 May 2021 Dreamcatcher, the only Korean singers at one of the world’s biggest music festival ‘Primavera Sound’ [Official]

Dreamcatcher to join one of the world’s best music festivals: Spain’s Primavera Sound.

On the 28th, the Dreamcatcher Company disclosed that “Dreamcatcher (Jiu, Sua, Siyeon, Handong, Yoohyeon, Dami, Gahyeon) will be participating in ‘Primavera Sound’ in June 2022, which is hosted in Barcelona, Spain.

‘Primavera Sound’ is Spain’s representative for one of the biggest music festivals in the world. Massive Attack, The Strokes, Dua Lipa, and more distinguished artists are being added to the lineup. Expecting to see them on the stage, Dreamcatcher is the only Korean singer to be invited.

On a tangent, Dreamcatcher debuted in 2017 and has toured internationally. Unprecedented as a rookie group, they spread out globally. Going through Asia, Dreamcatcher has reached a scale of success all over the world, including Europe, North and South America, and even Oceania. The up-and-coming group is reaching higher and higher, receiving enthusiastic and wild responses from fans.

Like this, through numerous performances, Dreamcatcher has a long list of strong experiences and unique, unrivaled music styles and performances. At ‘Primavera Sound’, we expect the group to show nothing other than that. The music festival’s official homepage will be made public on this coming June 1st.

On a side note, fans can meet the group through Dreamcatcher’s first solo reality show ‘Dreamcatcher Mind’, which airs every Wednesday at 8 p.m. KST.

Source

[Reporter Choi Hee-jae]

Translation by 7-Dreamers 악�� Please do not take translation without credit

[walkwithheroes84]

Rest of 2021 Watch List

With only six and a half months left of 2021, it’s time to get serious about my drama watching habits. I’m so behind and there are several things that are (supposed to be) coming out in the later part of the year. So, here is my list of things that I want to start/am interested in. Granted, some of these things may change as more information comes out about them. Or I may just decide not to watch them. And some may get pushed back into 2022. 

Already Aired:

Lucifer: season 5b (USA) - Though the first half of season five left us on a cliffhanger, I just cannot seem to sit myself down to finish out the season. It may be the mixed reactions of long time fans or the knowledge that season six is the last, either way, I’m having a hard time getting back into the show. 

Youth of May: (South Korea) - This romantic, moody, slice-of-life drama. I was waiting for it.The ending is going to break my heart, so I have to be ready for it. I hear the preformances are amazing, but I know I’ll be crying. 

Word of Honor: (China) - Everything I’ve heard about this drama makes it sound amazing. And while I know things will be heartbreaking - I just need to prepare. 

Currently Airing:

Doom at Your Service: (South Korea) - I watched the first four episodes (I think?), but I am waiting to binge it after it ends. Why? The first few episodes were so good, I want to be able to watch it all at once. 

The Penthouse: War in Life, Season 3: (South Korea) - I was super excited for this one...then I heard about Logan’s “brother” and, uh...maybe I’ll just watch the clips of my favorites?

Mad for Each Other: (South Korea) - I know very little about this drama, but it looks amazing and I’m hearing good things. 

Mine: (South Korea) - So, it sounds like two daughter-in-laws of a rich family work together to get what they want. It looks good.

My Roomate is a Gumiho: (South Korea) - It just looks fluffy and adorable. And I need that. 

Coming Soon:

June:

Ancient Love Poetry: (China) - It just sounds sweet and sad and I love a good Chinese drama that will make me smile and eat up the angst.

Nevertheless: (South Korea) - Honestly? The Netflix trailer looked interesting. 

July:

The New Version of the Condor Heroes: (China) - I love this story and the 2014 one was a hotmess. The promo pictures look good, though they were released in 2018. Rumor is the drama has been shelved, but we’ll see what happens. 

The Devil Judge: (South Korea) - You have Ji Sung staring in a dystopian drama, where he is the as the head judge of the highest court in the land. The court has become a TV reality show, with viewers invited to participate in a live. The one person looking to take him down is Kim Min Jung as the director of a corporate social responsibility foundation. And then you have two childhood friends: Park Jin Young and Park Gyu Young, idealist who want to make their world better. I look forward to Ji Sung and Kim Min Jung battling it out, and maybe corrupting the idealist cop and younger judge.

Boku no Satsui ga Koi wo Shita: (Japan) - This one may not ever get English subtitles, as Japanese dramas aren’t really subbed anymore...however, the story sounds amazing. A young man finds out his dead foster-father was a professional killer and this young man decides to take up the “family business” to avenge for the father.  The young man approaches a womanwho is his assassination target. Despite his skill as a hitman, he can’t ever kill her, not matter how hard he tries. Instead, he ends up protecting her and the two fall  in love. This could go so many places and I want to see it.

August:

Red Sky: (South Korea) - A beautiful and genius painter meets a blind officer in charge of astronomy, geography, art of divination, and meteorology. The two fall in love. And it’s marked as a “historical romantic fantasy”? Yes, please! 

October:

The Red-Stained Sleeve Cuff: (South Korea) - The story of Sung Deok Im, a court lady.  She catches the eye of Crown Prince Lee San. Once the prince becomes king, he wants Sung Deok Im to become his concubine, but she refuses. Yet, Sung Deok Im becomes the concubine of King Jeongjo. This could be angsty. Also, it stars Lee Jun Ho (who you may remember from Just Between Lovers) and Lee Se Young (who always brings it). 

December: (or 2022...?)

Twenty-Five Twenty-One (South Korea) - The love story of two people, who have really bad-timing, told over the period of four years. Personally, I’m hoping for a poignant human drama ala Just Between Lovers or Come And Hug Me. (Minus death and murders),

Return: (South Korea) - This is literally described as: “A fantasy drama about the stories of young magicians who deal with heavenly spirits.” It will be on tvN, which usually has really solid dramas. There is a cast of talented up-and-comers: Lee Jae Wook, Arin, Park Hae Eun, and Hwang Min Hyun. There are also some talented vets in the cast: Yoo Joon Sang, Oh Na Ra, and Joo Sang Wook. It’s beingdirected by Park Joon Hwa Everything looks great on paper. It’s just - the drama will be written by the Hong Sisters. During my early days of Kdrama viewing (way back in the mid 2010s), these ladies wrote some of my favorites. And while I did love Hotel de Luna and A Korean Odyssey - it has become very clear over the years that these writers don’t do well during the second halves of their dramas and they aren’t always great at endings.

Snowdrop (South Korea) -  It takes place in 1987, and follows students at a prestigious university in Seoul. It will be written by Yoo Hyun Mi, who wrote SKY Castle and The Bridal Mask. I’m looking forward to it, even though I heard there was pushback (which has resulted in the show airdate being moved back a couple of times) from the South Korean citizens'  who believe that the drama distorts facts related to the pro-democracy movement of the 1980s in favour of the authoritarian regime. This was based on an incomplete version of the plotline that had been leaked online, which describes one character as a “spy” and another lead as working for the NSP. We’ll see

At Some Point in 2021/early 2022...?:

The Witcher, Season Two

The Umbrelllla Academy, Season Three

The Boys, Season Three

[karajaynetoday]

ours, for the rest of forever | ashton irwin

Hello friends! Here is a godparent!Ash one shot, based on this blurb about being godparents with Ashton and also inspired in part by that scene in Season 5 of One Tree Hill when Brooke is randomly looking after a baby but has to also finish fashion sketches so Lucas comes to her rescue with babysitting and it is overall very soft and cute. You know the one! Lol. 

A very big thank you to Jex @sadistmichael​ , Anna @cheekysos​ , Jae @jae-writes-fanfiction​ and Hailey @talkfastromance4​ for proof-reading and providing feedback on this when it was in its draft stages. You’re all absolute gems! 

Anyway, enjoy the softness and as always, please let me know what you think! I’ve got some thoughts for a potential part 2, so we’ll wait and see how part 1 goes :)

(This is a fem reader insert)

Word count: 3.3k words

Warnings: none

More writing here | send feedback/thoughts/suggestions here

When your best friend Alice told you she was having a baby, you were over the moon. She was honestly one of the most kind-hearted people you knew, and the amount of love in her heart for others would only bloom more for a little baby to hold and cherish. Her partner James had been by Alice’s side since your university days, and their relationship was one that was literally #goals. They’d moved over to Los Angeles because James had an opportunity to work at an indie creative agency working with music artists, and when you followed a year or so later to pursue a consulting job, they’d welcomed you with open arms into the little community they’d formed of Australian ex-pats, LA creatives and generally good quality, salt of the earth people. 

In the early days, there were lots of late nights (that became early mornings) running amok in West Hollywood, going from one house party to the next, but as you grew older, it became more likely to be a quiet Sunday sesh in someone’s backyard, with a barbeque cooking and someone playing their favourite tunes on a portable speaker while you floated in the swimming pool or lounged about on the grass with everyone’s various pets in attendance. When you met Ashton, he was drumming shirtless at his own house party, and then doing shots with James and their friend Calum. You were more than a little intimidated, although he had a kind face and welcoming nature, Ashton was forthcoming his opinions. On the other hand, you were always more reserved, and it took you  time to feel like you belonged with their crazy crew of friends. One night, you and Ashton ended up alone in the kitchen sharing some chicken nuggets and potato gems tater tots after a wild night on the house part dancefloor, and from there you could feel a solid friendship starting to take hold. 

A few months after Alice and James told you they were expecting, they’d invited you and Ashton out to brunch at one of your favourite spots. It was a little hole-in-the-wall café in Studio City that you’d first come to after Ashton wouldn’t stop raving about how good their iced coffees were. You all ordered your favourites (avocado smash with a side of smoked salmon and a hash brown for you, raspberry hotcakes for Alice, a breakfast burger for James, and pulled pork eggs benedict with a side of halloumi for Ashton) and were chatting away about your weeks at work when Alice reached down and pulled two envelopes out of her tote bag and handed on to you and one to Ashton. You took them, looking confusedly at Alice and James, who had big goofy smiles on their faces.

“Well, go on! Open them!” Alice half-shouted excitedly, squeezing James’ hand on top of the table. You and Ashton glanced at each other, perplexed, before tearing open the envelopes and finding a card inside. Yours read, “Will you be my godmother?” in gold writing on the front, and inside was an ultrasound photo with a handwritten note from Alice that made you tear up when you started reading it. You could see in your peripheral vision that Ash had a corresponding card in his envelope too, and he was standing up to give James and Alice a hug with an enthusiastic “Fuck YES! Of course I will!” that garnered some disapproving looks from the middle-aged women sitting near you. You held it together just enough to stand up and exchange hugs and choke out a “Y-y-yes” to Alice and James, before basically bursting into full blown tears of happiness and apologising profusely as your brunch was delivered to the table. As you wiped away your tears and managed to begin eating your avocado smash, you felt Ashton squeeze your hand reassuringly under the table, and when you glanced towards him he was grinning at you with a smile that was as bright as a thousand suns. 

It was a normal June day at the office a few months later when your phone pinged with a text from Alice in your group chat with her, James and Ashton that 

 read “It’s go-time. We’ll keep you updated!”. You replied with lots of exclamation points and crying emojis, and for Alice and James to let you know if they needed anything, and a few minutes later Ashton had penned a full paragraph about the beauty of the creation of life, how he knew that Alice and James would be incredible parents, and that he couldn’t wait to meet the little one once they made their way into the world. Ashton was frustratingly eloquent sometimes. Later that night, you received a photo message of a small, pink baby snuggled up on Alice’s chest, with James’ arm thrown around her shoulders, and the caption “Charlie Rose, ten fingers, ten toes. Come visit tomorrow, she can’t wait to meet you x” and you could barely sleep from the anticipation of meeting your darling goddaughter for the first time.

Ashton insisted on meeting you at the hospital so you could visit Alice, James and Charlie together (“Dude, we’re a godparent team here! A package deal! A dynamic duo! Can’t have you getting in there as the favourite from day one!”) and you’d never seen him more gentle or smitten than when the small, wriggly bundle of blankets that was Charlie Rose was placed in his arms. Ashton rocked her gently, kissing her head, and whispering to her about how incredible she was and how excited he was to see her grow. James was snapping away with his camera, and he asked you and Ash to stand together for a photo holding Charlie, which would later be stuck on your fridge for years to come (and possibly be your phone lockscreen, but no need to mention that to Ashton). 

Charlie was a tricky baby at first, resisting sleep and struggling with colic, but Alice and James were incredible and persistent and by the time she was 6 months old, they basically had the hang of this parenting thing. They didn’t want to christen Charlie in a church, but instead decided to hold one of your cherished backyard barbeques as a naming celebration for her. All of your nearest and dearest were there, and Alice’s mum had even flown in from Australia to meet her newest granddaughter. Despite it being an incredibly informal affair, Ashton insisted on making a speech about how he felt to be in Charlie’s life, to love and support her through every milestone and challenge she might encounter along the way. Charlie was happily gurgling in Ashton’s arms as he spoke, and she reached up to grab at his cheeks when he told her he loved her. Alice’s mum insisted on getting photos of everyone, including you and Ashton holding Charlie, and you tried to ignore the butterflies you felt when Ash slid his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side for a cosy photo pose. Were you actually starting to fall for him, or was it just the baby fever talking? Because damn, that man looked good with a baby in his arms.

When Charlie was almost 12 months old, Alice decided that she wanted to go back to work a few days a week. Charlie would be in childcare for most of the days, but you’d recently adopted a flexible working arrangement with your own office, and you insisted that you would love to look after Charlie for one day a week. The older Charlie got, the more adventurous she became, so what you’d originally envisioned as nice, quiet days of baking and craft activities and napping soon became full of visits to the playground and the beach and the zoo. Once Ashton heard about your regular babysitting day, he insisted on clearing his schedule as best he could, and joined the outings you and Charlie went on. It’s so much easier to cope with her boundless energy (and occasional temper tantrums) when you and Ash are together, and you have to admit it’s just as nice on the quieter days as well, when you snuggle in on your couch to watch a Disney movie, or do some puzzles with Charlie on the lounge room floor. 

When Ashton was back out on tour, he’d insist on FaceTiming with you and Charlie on your babysitting day so he didn’t miss out on all the fun. Sometimes he’d read her a story or sing her a lullaby before naptime, and sometimes the timezones wouldn’t work out and he’d end up calling during naptime, so the two of you just spent a little time catching up on each other’s lives from your opposite sides of the country or the planet. Ashton also loved collecting little souvenirs for Charlie on his touring travels, and your group chat with Alice and James was regularly filled with photos of snow globes or little soft mascot toys he’d found in one city or the next. It was so cute how excited Ashton got when he found a new souvenir for Charlie, and you couldn’t help but imagine how adorable he’d be when he had his own children and carried on little traditions like this for them too. 

One particular weekend, Alice and James were going away overnight to attend a friend’s wedding nearby, and despite their anxiety and nerves (and admittedly, your own), they decided to leave Charlie with you for the night as your house is the main one besides their own that she spends time in. They dropped Charlie off just after lunchtime, and after a teary goodbye, she’s soon happily playing with her toy cars and trains on the lounge room carpet (including making broom-broom noises, what a cutie) when you get an unexpected call from your boss. They’re rambling about a client needing an urgent rewrite on something that you’d submitted the previous day, a pretty sizeable project, and you could feel yourself starting to fill with dread at the idea of having to rework the entire thing while also keeping Charlie happy and entertained. After managing to jot down the gist of the rewrite on the back of a colouring in page you found on your coffee table and ending the call with your boss, you took a deep, calming breath before looking over to where Charlie was still playing on the floor. Sure, she looked content and adorable now, but nap time was fast approaching, and then dinner, and then eventually bedtime, and there was nothing Charlie liked more than stomping her feet and putting up a fight where sleep was involved. It was time to call for help, and your fingers found Ashton’s contact in your phone and hit “call” before you realised what you were doing.

“Hey, how’s it going with my favourite girl?” Ashton answered cheerily, and your heart stopped beating for a moment before you mentally face-palmed when you realised that he was talking about Charlie, not you, being his favourite girl.

“Hey Ash! All good so far, but um… I think I’m going to need some help. My boss is having a crisis, so I need to smash out some edits and new content in the next three hours, but Charlie’s due to go for a nap and you know that she -” You could feel yourself starting to sound more panicked with each word that you spoke, but Ashton quickly cut you off with his soothing voice.

“That she likes to pick a fight at nap time, yes. A truly assertive future world leader on our hands, I reckon. I’m just finishing up a demo, but I’ll be there in 20 minutes. I’ll sort dinner as well, spaghetti sound okay?” He mused, sounding as calm as ever.

“That… would be amazing. Thank you. You’re actually the best human to exist, you know that?” You gushed, feeling some of your anxiety immediately begin to disappear. 

Within half an hour, Ash was in your lounge room handling Charlie’s nap time negotiations while you were furiously typing away at your laptop at the kitchen counter and fielding more frantic phone calls from your boss. Another 20 minutes passed before Ash proclaimed victory as Charlie lost her battle against sleep, and he came to see you in the kitchen and make a start on dinner. You were so lost in your task that you didn’t hear him come in, and you jumped a mile out of your seat in fright when he gently touched your shoulder in greeting.

“Jesus christ, Ash! Don’t sneak up on me like that!” You huffed, taking your glasses off and rubbing your eyes in exhaustion. 

Ashton leaned on the counter opposite you and raised his eyebrows in concern. “Sorry love, didn’t realise you didn’t hear me come in. You good?” 

Damn it, why was he always so nice to you these days? Remember the days when you were scared of him because he used to argue with you about politics and the state of the world? Why did those seem somehow easier because fear was more natural to you than whatever this other feeling was that you were starting to have whenever Ashton was around you. 

You sighed and put your glasses back on, frowning briefly at the screen before hitting save one more time (just in case your bad luck took a turn and fucked you over with lost documents). 

“Yep. Sorry. It’s just been a bit of a day. Did Charlie go down okay?” You forced a smile as you glanced up at Ashton over the top of your laptop screen. 

“Yeah, she gave in once I offered another bedtime singalong. And maybe, juuuust maybe, I might have mentioned something about some sweets after dinner���” Ash looked at you guiltily, licking his lips nervously. You rolled your eyes and shook your head at him, but you couldn’t keep the small smile off your face.

Ashton got started on making spaghetti while you tapped away at your computer, and soon enough you heard Charlie calling out for Ashton in her little sing-song voice on the baby monitor you had set up on the kitchen counter (“Asht-aaaaa! Where are youuuuu! Asht-aaaaa!”). The spaghetti smelled incredible, and when Ashton brought Charlie into the kitchen from her nap and she’d had a little while to play a bit more, you settled at the kitchen table to tuck into some dinner. Well, Charlie was more interested in playing with her food than actually eating it, but yours was delicious and for the third or fourth time that day, you thanked Ash profusely for being such a gem (to which he just gave you one of those dazzling smiles in response).  

After dinner, Ashton took Charlie for a bath and read her a bedtime story while you powered through the final part of the project edits you needed to finish before your boss burst a blood vessel. You could hear Ashton reading to Charlie on the baby monitor, doing all of the different character voices, and her little giggles in response were both breaking and warming your heart. Warming it with the cuteness and how much you loved that little girl and her cheeky soul, and breaking it with the guilt about how it was supposed to be you snuggled up reading to her, but instead you were frantically typing about key messages, marketing strategies and budget lines. You were doing your last section of re-writes when Ash came back into the kitchen, and this time you didn’t jump when he gently placed his hands on your shoulders. In fact, you leaned into his touch, and moaned quietly in relief as his thumbs began to work into the tension in your muscles.

“How’s it going?” Ashton asked quietly, continuing to press his hands into your back and shoulders.

“Almost there. Mostly just proof-reading now, and then I can send it and not fucking think about it for another second until at least Monday. Ash, I’m so sorry again, I know this isn’t what you had in mind for your Friday night and I should’ve been more organised but I just didn’t think that -” You began to ramble, feeling the guilt wash over you.

“Hey, hey. Stop. It’s fine. We’re a team, remember? The dynamic duo? Gotta stick together. We’ve got a whole lifetime of dealing with Charlie meltdowns and milestones ahead of us, love. It’s our job and our blessing, for the rest of forever. Don’t feel guilty over one night.” Ashton said softly, squeezing your shoulders and pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. There were those butterflies again, and your skin was almost burning from where his hands had touched you. You simply nodded at his words, before returning to your laptop and the task at hand. Ashton stepped away and quietly began washing the dishes (honestly, is there anything this man didn’t do?) as you began typing again. 

Finally, about twenty minutes later, you hit send on the email to your boss with the completed rewrites, and shut your laptop with a deep sense satisfaction, letting out a triumphant whisper-yell, mindful of the sleeping child down the hallway from you. Ash looked up from where he was sat on the couch, scrolling on his phone, and rushed over to high-five you when he realised that you’d shut your laptop.

“Right. You go shower and I’ll put the kettle on, then it’s one episode of Sons of Anarchy and then off to bed with you.” Ash began, tugging you out of your seat and pushing you towards your bedroom before you could protest.

“Wait… how did you know I was watching Sons of Anarchy?!” You turned and asked, with one hand on the door to your bedroom.

“I was stalking through your Netflix earlier when you were lost in editing land. Plus, I know you can’t resist a charming male lead who has a killer smile and looks damn good in a leather jacket.” Ash chuckled, shooting you a wink and one of those goddamn smiles. 

You hated to admit it, but you felt so much better after your shower, and having Ash pull your feet up over his lap and absentmindedly run his hands softly across your legs from time to time wasn’t exactly bad either. You stuck to your promise of only one episode of Sons of Anarchy, and after pulling your groaning self up off the couch and jokingly half-carrying you to your bedroom door, Ashton bid you goodnight with a hug and a kiss to the forehead before disappearing into your guest room. 

As you settled into your own bed, alone, and pulled the blankets up over you, you couldn’t help but think how nice it was to have Ash so present with you and with Charlie, and how sweet it would be in the morning to wake up together in the same house and go for breakfast at your favourite little brunch spot down the street, before waiting for James and Alice to return in the early afternoon. It was all your own little family unit, and as you felt yourself being lulled into sleep, you also felt a deep sense of content in your heart about the loved ones in your life. And then also there were those butterflies, just slowly but surely making their presence known, and getting a little bigger every time you thought of Ashton, and how much he loved Charlie, and how much she loved him and you, and how much you loved them both.

Shit. Did you actually love him? Were you falling in love with Ashton Irwin? Before you could panic too much, the need for sleep won out, and you slept peacefully knowing two of your favourite people were also sleeping calmly in the rooms either side of you. 

More writing here | send feedback/thoughts/suggestions here

[cosplayinamerica]

Cosplay Over 40 group founders : Jae and Ana

Today I’m highlighting one of the Instagram share pages / theme pages, I followed, Cosplay Over 40. For the past few years, I’ve reached out to various  pages asking about how their page got started.

Ana: We arrived at cosplaying via two different avenues. Jae and I were both into anime, comic-book, and science-fiction geeks growing up. He loved — still loves — Macross and Robotech, I was more Star Blazers, Superfriends, and Star Trek. In high school and college, my friends and I made our own Star Trek uniforms and attended Star Trek events in New York City back when it wasn't called cosplaying. It wasn't even called costuming. It was just being a Star Trek geek. I bought my first official costume — a Star Trek Next Generation science jumpsuit — in grad school, and that just opened the door to what would become cosplaying. I pulled together costumes of Ranma Saotome from Ranma 1/2, Jessie from Pokemon, and Kim Possible, and I'd wear them for Halloween, to library events, and to comic-book expos... what would eventually become the cons we know today.

Jae: I have always loved taking photos. I'd take photos of friends, of people at events I'd attend. I love photography. It's my way of being involved without being the center of attention and without being stuck on the sidelines. I became a sports and portrait photographer, but cosplay always called to me. It just appeals to my geek side. And with Ana getting more and more into cosplay, it only seemed natural for me to turn to cosplay photography.

Ana: At first, we were just thrilled to be part of the cosplay scene. I love fandom meet-ups. I love meeting voice actors and artists, especially those behind the anime and comic-book characters I love. When people come up to me and ask to take photos with my cosplay, it's such a deeply satisfying feeling. My cosplay made people happy, made people smile.

Jae: We got really caught up in that scene, seeing other people reacting to Ana's cosplays and to so many other amazing cosplays.

Ana: And then we started to notice a different reaction. I think I first started noticing it at some meet-ups. There's be the main group, and then there'd be a handful of us on the outside. This happened more and more often, and it took me a few years to realize that those of us on the outside were older than the central groups. Once I realized this, my eyes flew wide open. At cons, I started noticing that the photographers would ignore fabulous, intricate cosplays worn by older cosplayers and would flock to take photos of teenagers and 20-somethings in wigs and bikinis.

Jae: It really pissed us off. Here were so many people who obviously put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into creating armor and amazing sewing projects, and they were barely being given a glance. I started going out of my way to photograph these cosplayers... and all over them were our age or older.

Ana: It finally came to a head in 2019. We spent a weekend at an out-of-state con, and we — myself and all the other older cosplayers — might as well have been invisible.

Jae: One of the other photographers actually told me he only takes photos of "young, pretty girls."

Ana: I told Jae that we couldn't just let this kind of behavior continue. We had to stand up and do something about it, let the older cosplayers know how wonderful they are. I have a Master's in public communications and I've worked as a social-media specialist for various companies and organizations since the mid 1990s. Since cosplay is such a visual art, I went straight to Instagram and searched for "cosplay" and our age range: 40. There was absolutely nothing there.

Jae: We also checked 50. There was nothing. Then we checked 30. Two accounts came up, both dead in the water. One hadn't posted since 2015, and one hadn't posted since 2018.

  Ana: Just to be safe, we also checked "old," "older," "geezer," all those types of terms. There was absolutely nothing. Given what we'd seen over the years at cosplay events, this really didn't surprise us, but it still hit us hard that there was no representation for the older cosplayer. I spent a couple of weeks outlining the guidelines we would follow. We looked at successful cosplay feature sites like @sharingcosplay and @women.of.cosplay. We knew we wanted to feature individuals, to give each cosplayer their time in the spotlight. We also wanted it to be structured. We didn't want to give one cosplayer a huge write-up, then give the next one just a few sentences. Everyone had to be showcased equally. After all, the whole reason we were doing this was because of the inequality we'd seen.

Jae: I felt we had to go beyond Instagram with this. I'd recently gotten into videography. I felt — still feel — that a multimedia market exists for the older cosplayer. I told Ana that we had to take this to podcasts, to YouTube, to even a magazine specializing in the older cosplayer.

Ana: I've worked as an assistant editor and managing editor for several magazines and I currently work as a contributing writer for two specialty magazines, so creating a magazine was something I totally agreed with. I also agreed with the podcasts and You Tube channel. That kind of thing is right up Jae's alley.

Jae: We decided that we would make this a multimedia venture, focusing on the older cosplayer and letting the world know how fabulous older cosplayers are. Older cosplayers have the discretionary income to dedicate to cosplaying. At this age, they're serious about their hobby and it's a true labor of love. It's not just something they do with their friends a couple of times a year. It's a passion. And the skill I've seen, the dedication... it all needed to be celebrated.

Ana: But we decided to start with social media first. We launched on Instagram on June 28, 2019, with Facebook and Twitter following shortly after.  We did encounter a small glitch...

Jae: There was a Facebook group with a very similar name...

Ana: We checked them out and saw they were a community group that shared photos of themselves and events they attended, nothing remotely like what we were doing and have planned for the future. Having studied journalism law and having consulted with a copyright specialist, we knew we were in the clear to bring our dream to life: celebrating the magnificent, often-overlooked older cosplayer.

Jae: The reception has been incredible. Not a week goes by that we don't get a message or email from a cosplayer thrilled to have found a place that showcases people their age. Our age.

Ana: We also get messages from people letting us know they'll be turning 40 soon and can't wait to be featured. We get people who message us on their 40th birthday, eager to be featured. Or who message us just days before their 40th birthday, asking to be featured on their special day. It's been wonderful. It's been mind blowing.

Jae: We've gone to several cons, and the reception there has been amazing. We've spoken to so many older cosplayers, every single one of whom had experienced ageism at these type of events and who were absolutely thrilled to discover that our focus is them and only them.

Ana: And then the pandemic hit.

Jae: It really sucked, from the photography standpoint, to watch everything come to a halt. But this also gave us the push we needed to move forward with our plans.

Ana: We started producing cosplay video projects, open to any cosplayer over the age of 40. We figured that cosplayers were looking for ways to continue cosplaying — safely — during the pandemic, looking for ways to interact with other cosplayers. We'd present a theme and state a deadline for submission.

Jae: We had a tremendous response.

Ana: Jae took all the video clips and edited them into amazing montages that really showcased how amazing cosplayers over 40 truly are. For one video, our Fight Challenge, we had more than 50 cosplayers participate from all over the world.

Jae: We also held an online con in March 2020.

Ana: Yes, our "Con Together." It was nine days of scheduled fandom meet-ups and cosplay sharing. We even had an artist's alley.

Jae: But right now, we've moved on to the next stages of our Cosplay Over 40 plans.

Ana: Jae has been building a dedicated podcast studio outfitted with all sorts of live-streaming equipment. I'm sure I'm not using the right terminology for this. It's Jae's baby, and I trust him implicitly to have it ready to go later this summer. I've also started working on the inaugural issue of Cosplay Over 40 magazine. The editorial content has been decided, I've reached out to cosplayers and others in the cosplay community for interviews and photos, and I'm really looking forward to laying out the issue and getting it to print.

Jae: But even with these new platforms, we are not slowing down with our original presence on Instagram.

Ana: Absolutely not! We're still growing — we just passed 3,900 followers — and we are now actually part of the @SharingCosplay family of feature pages. We are always looking for new cosplayers to feature and we always invite those we've featured in the past to share more of their cosplays with us. We have cosplayers in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and even in their 70s sending in their photos. Like I said before, it's mind blowing.

Jae: There's a sense of satisfaction that comes from showcasing cosplayers in our age demographic and beyond, of showing the world how awesome cosplayers over 40 truly are.

https://linktr.ee/cosplayover40

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 4, Ch. 9

PART 4: THE YEAR WHEN EVERYONE HAS A CRUSH Chapter 9 - Tonks' Escape

Penny

I was giving the group some space this year when it comes to studying. Especially Nova, that poor thing. It was so hard to watch her be in so much pain and I am so happy that she is her normal self again and smiling and laughing.

We do have moments when we are in the Library together and she starts talking to me about her dad. I could listen for her for hours if need be, she is such a sweet angel!

She needed quite some time to catch up with all her homework and studying and I have been working extra hard in classes to make things easier on her.

However, exams are approaching and it's time to start nagging people! I waited until the very last possible minute, I mean it is the last week of May!

This year has been particularly hard as teachers started to up the pace when it came to the material as we have O.W.L.s next year and they want us to be ready! I can't believe we are going to be in Fifth Year already and I can't help but be nervous about how hard next year is going to be if we were barely keeping up this year.

Speaking of keeping up I have to say that not the most perfectly brewed potion makes me as proud as the fact that I have managed, for the second year in a row, not to fall asleep in History of Magic and take notes! Not that it does anybody any good as none of my friends want to read them. They say it's just too much boring information and as much as I like to act mad when they say it, I silently agree with them.

Potions, however, are by far my favorite subject, even if our dear Professor Snape is not so keen of me or of any other student for that matter. I wonder what is his story.

My mum being a Potioneer and the fact that I simply enjoy the art of potion-making are not the only two reasons why I love Potions so much. This Summer a Ravenclaw boy by the name of Andre wrote to me that despite all our efforts in June he didn't pass the exam. I was mortified and I offered him help at once. I have been sending him material and notes and extra explanations all Summer and I was glad to help and it gave me an excuse to reread all my Potions books and talk about them!

What I didn't expect, however, was the fact that after I taught him everything I could, he kept sending me letters. We started to talk about what we are doing and how our Summer has been so far. We talked about Quidditch and our families and I told him stories of what me and my friends, that spend August with me, have been doing. I caught myself a few times waiting for his letter, wondering what he was going to write next or what interesting topic he will pick for our conversation.

Then one day in August, I got a letter where he wrote just how much fun he was having writing and corresponding with me and I felt my cheeks getting warmer. That night I couldn't sleep as I kept rereading the letter and thinking just how sweet he was. I knew, at that moment, that I fancied him. At first, it was a surprise because in our Third Year I had the biggest crush on Charlie's brother Bill.

I have embarrassed myself on several occasions, not standing to be in the same room as him, thus I spent more than half of last year in the Library. It wasn't until I talked to Nova that she made me realize that having a crush is not your choice and that it's not such a big deal. That's why I was so excited when I blushed with every letter Andre sent me.

And I know it might sound selfish, but I couldn't wait to tell my friends! Well, how they found out was a different story and I think Charlie has never wished to be in a different compartment more than when we were talking about crushes.

Oh, and speaking about Charlie and crushes! It's the end of May and my little darling sister still fancies him. She wrote me a letter every week where, besides our usual correspondence, she always asked how he is and what is he doing and if he asked about her. To her last question, I always answered 'yes' because I knew how much it meant to her and I didn't want to break her poor little heart! Charlie, however, felt very uncomfortable every morning when she was staring at him while he was eating cereal. Poor lad, what must he have thought of her and I think it is safe to say he is never coming to visit me again.

That won't do him any good as next year my sister is coming to school! I can imagine now, her following him everywhere and Charlie just losing it and being awkward. She didn't even mind when all he did was talk about Dragons to her so you have to know she is not easy to get rid of!

—

To go back to the most important thing...exams! I woke up on a beautiful Sunday in May and I couldn't wait to go down for breakfast and see my friends rolling their eyes as I mention the exams. I know I was nagging them and that they have been sick of me doing so since our First Year but I know that they secretly appreciate it because otherwise, I don't know what grades they would have.

I decided to be more cautious with Tonks this year. She has started asking me questions about Herbology just a few days ago and perhaps she is ready to study. I am so proud of her and how well she is doing in Herbology! Which, sadly, I can't say for Tulip, me, or Nova so Tonks will get the satisfaction of teaching us again!

This time around I have decided that I will find a different way to force them to study. I have stayed up all night for the past two days so that I could make them all notes on the subjects I knew they needed them for. I got out of bed and checked my bag, just to make sure I had everything ready. I went through notes for Nova, Tulip, Tonks, Charlie, Jae, and Andre, of course, and I had Bill's Potions notes as well as I am sure he will appreciate them.

I know it was nothing unusual for me that I was excited about exams but this year has been extra special because it meant I would be able to spend more time with Andre.

Since he first invited me to Hogsmeade for a Butterbeer, we have done so 7 times, which is such a magical number! I loved how I could talk to him about everything and I kind of understood Nova being such good friends with Charlie except that I am not sure if she fancies him or not. I still don't know who her crush is!

On our fifth unofficial Butterbeer date, he invited me for a stroll around Hogsmeade. We were looking at shop displays and talked about our Third Year when we all came here for the first time. We went to Honeydukes and he bought us some candy which I thought was really sweet because I love candy!

What was even sweeter was when we went back to school and just as we were going to pass the Courtyard our hands brushed together and he gently grabbed mine and our fingers entwined. I can't even start to describe how much I blushed and my heart was racing like never before. I still haven't told my friends about it and for the first time I wanted to keep it to myself. At least, until Andre and I talk about it, for which there is no rush!

Besides helping my friends and spending time with them, having my head in the clouds or reading, I have been spending most of my time down in the Dungeons in the Potions classroom. I thought Snape was joking when he wanted me to stay one day after class and told me that perhaps I wasn't a complete failure which in his language meant I was brilliant!

And when I thought that nothing can get better than getting a compliment from Snape he told me that if I wanted to use the classroom to study Potions on my own, I could do so. I was about to explode, however, I tried hiding my excitement from Snape as I knew he could take back his offer immediately. And that's not everything! He also said that I could use ingredients from his own personal closet. As long as I don't overuse them or use them to brew potions that could get me in trouble and I had to give him the list of the ingredients I used every time we had Potions. If that isn't a dream come true I don't know what is!

—

Back to my Sunday morning! I put the notes back in my bag and rushed to the Great Hall where all of my friends were having breakfast.

“Oh, no.” Said Tulip when she saw me. “I know that look.” She frowned.

“Yes.” I said and slammed my bag on the table. “It is time for me to start nagging you about exams.”

Tonks, as expected, stood up and left the Great Hall. Charlie started to pretend he was snoozing on Nova's shoulder, which made her giggle. If those two weren't just the most adorable thing you can ever see!

Tulip hid under the table and Jae followed her. Can't wait for their first official date!

“Come on! She lasted almost the whole year without talking about exams. Give the girl some credit.” Nova chuckled.

“Thank you, Nova!” I started taking notes out of my bag. “Now, I think you are old enough to be responsible for your own grades so I am just going to say this: the exams are coming, beware, and here is everything you will need to pass.” Charlie lifted his head, intrigued.

“Wait, this is all you are going to do this year?” Asked Jae, still under the table.

“Yes.” I sat down and put my head under it.

“No nagging us every single day?” Charlie asked, perplexed.

“No nagging.” I grinned. Nova narrowed her eyes but said nothing.

“Oh, and I almost forgot, if anyone does want to study together, I'll be in the Library most of the time.” I offered.

“Is Andre going to be there?” I looked under the table and Tulip was making a kissy face.

“Yes, he already asked me for help with Potions and History of Magic.” I showed her my tongue and got back up.

“Oh, then we wouldn't want to interrupt.” Nova winked at me.

“Yeah, we don't want to disturb you when you are gazing deep into one another's eyes.” Charlie widened his eyes as much as he could and blinked at me. Nova chuckled.

“Ha-ha, how mature of you!” I crossed my arms on my chest and stuck out my tongue again. We all started laughing.

—

What wasn't funny was the fact that just a week after exams started, I couldn't find Tonks anywhere. As every year since the First Year fiasco, we have all been keeping an eye on her. Last year she did pretty well, the year before that wasn't so bad either and this year she wasn't showing any signs of being nervous or running away.

I went down to the Great Hall and found Tulip and Jae studying out of the Kitchens for once. I asked them if they saw Tonks and they shook their head. They offered to search for her and we split up. I went to all the courtyards and down to the Lake where I found Charlie and Nova practicing Defense Against the Dark Arts spells with Bill. Nova almost stupefied me.

They haven't seen Tonks either and at this point, I was getting worried. They said they will start searching for her as well and we agreed to meet in the Great Hall in 15 minutes.

Just as Charlie, Nova, and Bill appeared on the one side of the corridor, Tulip and Jae did on the other one. They searched the Library and the Owlery and she wasn't there. I went back to our Common Room just in case she came back but wasn't there either. At this point, we all started to panic. We even went knocking on Filch's door to see if she accidentally locked herself in while trying to prank him. When he opened the door, we each ran in different directions while Filch was shouting something after us.

We were all sitting in the Courtyard, thinking of places we haven't looked at yet. We thought of the Greenhouses and the Transfiguration classroom but when Nova and Charlie went to check, she wasn't there. We felt defeated. We were so good for 3 years and now she slipped right between our fingers.

Suddenly, Nova, who was laying on Charlie's jacket, having her head on his legs, rose.

“Yes? What did you remember?” Tulip and I said together. We all got closer to her.

“Hogsmeade! This is the first official year where we can come and go from Hogsmeade as we please.” She talked so quickly that I needed a moment to follow.

“That is brilliant!” I beamed at her. We all got up at once and started making our way there.

We practically burst into the Three Broomsticks and there she was!

“Tonks!” We all called her name at the same time and also turned every single pair of eyes in the Three Broomsticks on us.

“Bloody hell!” Tonks rolled her eyes. We sat next to her.

“Tonks, what is going on?” Nova asked placing her hand on Tonks' back.

“I'm panicking again. Don't want to study and I won't!” She looked directly at me. “So don't try to persuade me, it won't work!”

“But you are doing so good with your exams so far. Only three to go.” Tulip tried cheering her up.

“Nope. Do not care. Not doing it.” Tonks shook her head.

“What are you so afraid of?” Charlie was asking a good question.

“Of failure. I don't want to be like Andre to study all Summer long because I wasn't smart enough to pass the exam.” She buried her face in her hands.

“Failing an exam doesn't make you stupid. It can happen to anyone.” Everybody turned to me as I am positive they couldn't believe that came out of my mouth. I just wanted to defend Andre.

“Right, says the smartest witch in school.” Tonks talked through her hands, her head still in them.

“I know what would cheer you up.” Beamed Tulip. “Let's take you to Zonko's and you can get anything you want on us.” We all nodded and that gave me another idea.

“You lot go to Zonko's while Charlie and I go make her a Calming Draught. I think that would make her feel better.” Nova and Charlie, however, bestowed me with a confused look.

“Why me? I want to go to Zonko's too.” Charlie asked.

“And you want to fly on a Dragon, we know.” I playfully rolled my eyes. He blinked at me. “I feel like I spent the least time with you this year and I want to catch up.” Which was true but that was not the main reason why I wanted to get him alone. We might not be close and come to think of it, I don't think we were ever really alone together except perhaps on rare occasions at breakfast. The real reason why I wanted him to go with me was because I needed to ask him something.

Now the whole lot was looking at me like I was losing my mind, not just Charlie. Nova then giggled and shrugged her shoulders at him, indicating that she has no idea what I am up to. They finally gave up on questioning me and I dragged Charlie to the Dungeons.

I told him which ingredients he should bring while I prepared the scales and the cauldron. We were brewing the potion in complete silence for at least 20 minutes. I only spoke when I needed a certain ingredient or when I needed him to get something for me.

“Charlie?” I finally spoke as I knew the potion needed to brew without stirring for 15 minutes.

“Yes?” I couldn't help but giggle at the sound of his frightened voice.

“I was meaning to ask you something since the beginning of this year but I never got the chance.” At this point, I swear I could hear his heartbeat.

“I know it's not really my business and we're not that close,” I continued, “and if you don't feel like answering the question, you don't have to.” Charlie glanced at the door and back to me. He had to be terrified, thinking what was I going to ask him, poor lad.

“Do you like Nova?” He stiffened.

“Of course, I like Nova. She's my best friend.” He tried to sit more upright to make me think he was completely oblivious about what I asked him.

“Charlie, you know what I mean.” I sat next to him and rested my chin on my fist. “Do you fancy Nova?” His cheeks turned so red that I could barely see his freckles.

“N-no.” He stuttered.

“Say it one more time and I'll believe you.” I winked.

“No.” He repeated and cleared his throat.

“Okay, whatever you say. Just know that it's okay to talk about it, that's why I wanted you to come with me. I have been watching you since you were with us in August. The way you were looking at her. Admiring her every move. Snapping out of your imagination every time someone spoke to you. Getting your cheeks red every time she walked into the room.”

“Is it that obvious?” He bowed his head.

“A little bit.” I giggled. “But I think I am the only one who noticed and your secret is safe with me.” I patted his shoulder.

“I could imagine that you needed some time to realize what was going on?” I asked after a few seconds of silence. He nodded.

“And you probably didn't talk this through with anyone?” He nodded again.

“Well, now is your chance to talk about it.” I gave out a friendly smile. “When did you realize you have feelings for her?”

“That night we sneaked into the Forbidden Forest.” Wow, he was really oblivious.

“And how does that make you feel?” I tried to catch his eyesbut he kept avoiding mine.

“Terrible.” He sighed. “I don't want to have these feelings. I don't want to be red in the face whenever she's around. I don't want to feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest and I definitely don't want to do anything about it.” He frowned.

“I understand. I was in a similar situation last year.” He looked me in the eyes for the first time.

“Who did you fancy last year?” I blushed and knew I made a mistake. I was not prepared to tell him that I had a crush on his big brother.

“Nobody you'd know.” I lied. “Listen, Charlie. What you are feeling is completely normal. It happens to everybody when we get to this age.”

“Well, I don't want it happening to me. I have more important things to do.” He got mad.

“Like read about Dragons?” I chuckled. “Exactly!” He grinned.

“You can read about Dragons, study Dragons, work with Dragons, fly with Dragons for all I care and you can still fancy someone and hold hands.” I winked.

“Woah, woah! Hold hands? Didn't you hear what I said?” He got defensive. “I don't wish or plan to act on it.”

“Oh, I heard you. I just chose to ignore you.” I pursed my lips.

“Perhaps you might not want to do anything about it now, but in a few years you might feel ready to do something about it.” I ruffled his hair. Nova was right, it is soft.

“A few years?” He jumped on his chair. “It's not going to last that long!”

“Whatever you say. It might, it might not.” I shrugged.

“I can't do anything about it, Penny. She's my best friend. You're not supposed to feel like that about your best friend. It ruins everything.” He gave out a deep sigh.

“I know that's probably the main reason you needed so long to figure it out and I understand that you think this might ruin your friendship with Nova but just imagine holding her hand.” I closed his eyes with my fingers. “Are you going to deny that you don't secretly want to do that?”

“I do.” He buried his head in his hands and let out a little cry.

“It's okay if you feel you're not ready to do anything about it, just don't deny your feelings because it only makes them stronger.” I lifted his chin.

“Penny, something that you are forgetting is that I don't know if she feels the same way.” He leaned over the table, his palm making a hole in his cheek.

“Look at how long it took you to realize you fancied her. For all we know, she might just be as oblivious as you.” I winked at him and he bestowed me with a little smile.

“Thank you for talking to me, Penny. I do feel better knowing I am not alone in this.” He hugged me. He was just the most adorable thing ever!

“No problem, Charlie. And if you ever need to talk about it just say that you have a Potions question.” I giggled. “It will be our little secret.”

Once we finished our heart to heart and our potion we hurried back to Hogsmeade and made Tonks drink it at once. The lot already calmed her down a bit, her carrying two large bags filled with Zonko's products. Charlie and I couldn't help but laugh.

We kept an extra eye on her for the rest of the week until the exams were finished and just like that, we saved Tonks yet again as she passed all her exams and to be completely honest, didn't do that bad on them either!

[eldonash]

Master Post || Collisions of Evil & Obsessions of Power

Featuring: Orobas & Lydia

Summary: Lydia and Orobas become bound together in a powerful promise with a life debt as the repayment. Lydia takes advantage of it to keep herself safe from Orobas, who has made his intentions clear that because of this, he wants to kill her. From varying degrees of Fae nonsense, indirect requests, and taunting moments that have left Orobas heavily scarred, Lydia discovers his  reluctance to always do anything simply and suffers still. The serial killer is content with pushing the boundaries and hurting her when he can. 

Overconfident, Lydia, thinking Orobas is soulless, makes the fatal mistake of telling him to find true love without realizing that such a thing was already acquired. It takes Orobas a while to catch on, suffering greatly from the promise becoming unfilled until it suddenly isn’t after a conversation with Morelia. 

Where Lydia has had the upper hand for months, boils down to one final moment between the two. 

---------------------------------------------------

April: The Shining -- Lydia meets Orobas and his serial killing mime. Evenly matched with this creature shadowing his moves, Orobas takes advantage of the situation and asks Lydia to aid him in distracting it so he can kill it. His way of distraction comes from attacking her violently to lure the mime in. It works. However, it also seals a promise.

May: A Debt Unpaid --  Orobas, a monster with patience and connections, shows up at Lydia’s home. She learns where her new car came from, and the tables turn when she reveals their binding.

May: Return to Sender -- Lydia destroys the car Orobas purchased for her.

May: Dandelions -- Orobas has to count dandelion petals for Lydia, but as always, he takes pleasures in a kill while he does so. Haxian finds him and Orobas’ cold exterior cracks with his master, and reveals his intent to play it out so he can murder her like he use too, and how Haxian, had killed him.

May: Pie Contest -- Lydia forces Orobas to bake Arthur’s pie from the contest.

June: Pie Nonsense -- Orobas doesn’t understand human food, so he brings his blood dolls over to help him figure it out.

June: Final Steps -- Orobas finally finds out where Arthur lives and goes to him for help to finalize the recipe and get it exactly correct in the mists of trying to find his lost friend, Carrington. 

July: It Follows -- Lydia receives pies from various people through out the day and realizes that she’s been followed and stalked by Orobas in deeper ways than she suspected.

July: Shades of Evil -- Lydia, after having been tormented all week with people she knows giving her slices of the pie, finally meets Orobas at Hanging Rock. He gives her what she wanted, and something more. Lydia gives the ultimate request. For Orobas to fall in love and show them vulnerability.

July: Venom -- Kristof, a very old friend, finds Orobas after his bad injury, and takes him to his house to let him feed and heal up enough to walk. The two aren’t entirely on friendly terms. Haxian comes to collect Orobas and learns Kristof is in town. Orobas delays telling Haxian this is about Lydia.

July: Middlelands --  Haxian brings Orobas home. Jae is over out of habit, and assists to get Orobas cleaned up and fed so he can better heal, but the two old vampires have an argument over Lydia. Jae gets caught in the middle.

July: State of Love --  Orobas delivers Carrington’s rescued sword, but reveals the poor state he is in because of the promise binding with Lydia, and her asking of him to find true love. Carrington gets Orobas to believe he has felt love. Orobas has a mental breakdown.

August: Love to an Immortal --  Harsh invites Orobas over to enjoy some wine and blood, and they snuggle on the couch and talk about what love is for an immortal.

August: Coming Soon -- Morelia and Orobas share a complicated and desperate conversation, one that breaks the promise bound with Lydia for good.

August: When a Stranger Calls --  After fulfilling his promise, Orobas sees an opportunity.

August: Let The Right One In --  Orobas, walks into Lydia’s house. END 

[friendship-korea-japan]

7.15. Summary on the modernization of Korea and the moves against it

Question 7: Modernization of Korea and its obstruction › 15. Summary on the modernization of Korea and the moves against it

Click here for table of contents

7.15. Summary on the modernization of Korea and the moves against it  

(1)    After Daewongun took control of the government, he refused the demands by Western powers to open the country, repelled French and American forces, and built anti-appeasement steles in various parts of Korea to show its intention to resist opening.

(2)    Daewongun was expelled by his son, King Gojong. The Min administration started and concluded the Japan-Korea Treaty of Amity (the Treaty of Ganghwa).

(3)    Regarding the Japan-Korea Treaty of Amity, Korean History Textbook for Elementary School points out that it was an unequal treaty concluded to make Korea defenseless against future invasions, arguing as follows:

(i)    Japan separated Korea from China as an independent state to make Korea defenseless and to invade it.

(ii)    It was unequal that Japan had jurisdiction over Japanese people in Korea.

(iii)    It was also unequal that while the number of Korean ports to be opened was stipulated, there was no corresponding disposition on Japan.

(iv)    Japan obtained the right to conduct geographical survey on Korean coastlines because it had the intention to make Korea defenseless and invade it.

(4)    While A Stratagem for Korea, brought back from Japan by Kim Hong-jip, member of the Second Joseon Susinsa mission, considerably affected the promotion of the enlightenment policy by the government, it also prompted the development of the Wijeongcheoksa movement.

(5)    In History Textbook of Korea, there is an article entitled “Read the material: Five reasons against the opening of ports”. While we could say that this was an erroneous opinion proposed due to the lack of understanding and judgment of the circumstances of the day, the textbook refers to it in a positive manner.

(6)    The angered soldiers of the conventional army, who lost their jobs, had difficulty making a living and found their delayed salary in rice to contain rice husks and sand, finally rose in rebellion on June 9, 1882 (Imo Incident).

  Queen Min requested that Qing should immediately dispatch its troops, and in August, Li Hongzhang dispatched 4,000 soldiers to Seoul, punished those involved in the rebellion that had already ended, and abducted Daewongun to China.

(7)    On December 4, 1884, Kim Ok-gyun and others started a coup by obtaining the secret royal order and published the Innovation Policy of 14 Articles in three days. However, Queen Min secretly asked the Qing army to crush Kim’s group and put an end to the reform. Some of the ministers were killed, while Kim and others fled to Japan. Eleven years later, Kim was lured into China where he was assassinated.

(8)    After that event, Qing dispatched Yuan Shikai and intensified political interference and economic penetration in Korea. He strengthened political and military interference so much that he was called “governor of Korea” by diplomats who were in Seoul at that time.

(9)    In February 1885, under the proposal of an American doctor named Allen, the first Western-style medical institution was established in Hanseong, marking the start of modern medical education.

  In 1887, the General Directorate for Telegraph was set up.

  The Korean government constructed on its own the Hanseong-Busan telegraph line in 1888 and Hanseong-Wonsan telegraph line in 1891. In August 1886, the Royal English College (Yukyeonggongwon), where education in English was conducted by invited American professors, was established.

  In December 1887, the Dongmugongwon was established as the military academy. In 1888, an American took up the post of military instructor.

  In May 1884, the Treaty of Amity and Commerce between Russia and Korea was concluded.

  In March 1885, the British Eastern Fleet suddenly occupied Geomun-do Island.

  Korea concluded the Treaty of Amity with Italy in May 1884 and with France in 1886.

(10)    Regretting that Japan could not protect the Kim Ok-gyun administration, it concluded the Treaty of Tianjin on March 4, 1885. According to this treaty, Japan and Qing had the obligation to notify the other in advance when dispatching soldiers in Korea.

(11)    In February 1894, under the leadership of the leaders of the Donghak movement, a popular uprising against extreme misgovernment started. The farmers occupied the county office, ousted the magistrate, and recovered the rice embezzled by him, and then they disbanded themselves. However, as the officials who had been dispatched as inspectors proceeded to search for participants in the uprising and committed looting, the farmers resumed actions in late April. They defeated the forces of the governor of Gobu County on May 1, and beat part of the forces of the central government on May 27, 1894.

(12)    History Textbook of Korea states that the peasant forces proposed the 12-point Reform Plan and demanded improvement on each of the points. However, it is likely that this plan, which perfectly pointed out the political and social problems of Korea at that time, did not actually exist, but was just described in a history novel at a later date.

(13)    After defeating the Qing forces stationed in Korea in a naval battle and a land battle respectively on July 25 and 28, 1894, Japan declared war on Qing on April 1, 1894. The Sino-Japanese War ended with the conclusion of the Treaty of Shimonoseki on April 17, 1895. Qing approved the abolition of suzerainty over Korea, and Korea’s independence from Qing became definitive.

(14)    On January 8, 1895, King Gojong announced the Fourteen Clauses of the Charter for the reform of internal administration. This was an important step for modernization, as it could be considered the first basic legislation of Korea. However, the Kim Hong-jip administration was overthrown by King Gojong and the prime minister and his ministers were massacred. That was how efforts for the modernization of Korea were again crushed by King Gojong.

(15)    From the reign of Alexander III, Russia intended to bring the Far East under its control. In 1860, it built a military base in the Japan Sea. Russia monopolized the mining and logging rights of Korea, interfered in Korea’s internal affairs by dispatching military instructors and financial counselors, and leased Jeolyoungdo Island in Busan.

  Then, Russia leased Lushun and Dalian on the Liaodong Peninsula, built a solid and large-scale fortress on Lushun Port and deployed nearly 50,000 forces. As of 1904, Russia had deployed as many as 320,000 soldiers in the southern part of Manchuria and the Liaodong Peninsula.

  Being wary of Russia, which had expanded its sphere of influence to the southernmost edge of the Korean Peninsula, Japan concluded an alliance with the United Kingdom, which shared the same sense of crisis, and with support from the United States, it fought against Russia by raising funds for the war from outside Japan equivalent to several times as much as the national budget and succeeded in removing Russia from Korea and Manchuria. A total of 88,429 were killed and 153,584 were wounded in the fighting.

(16)    In 1896, the Korean government invited Seo Jae-pil, who had been in exile in the United States, as the counselor of the Privy Council to promote reform. With the goal of establishing an autonomous and independent state, he founded the Independence Association, with the participation of governmental officials.

  The Independent Association adopted the Six Articles of the Charter, which focused on political reforms, and obtained approval from King Gojong.

  The conservative forces, critical of such a move, worked out a plot. King Gojong arrested the leaders of the Independent Association and ordered its dissolution. He believed the false charges from the conservatives and lost a third chance for the modernization of Korea. King Gojong’s unflagging resolution to execute the Fourteen Clauses of the Charter, which he swore before the souls of his predecessors, was false.

(17)    In 1899, the Korean government announced the Constitution of the Korean Empire, the first Constitution of the Korean state. The constitution stated that the Korean Empire was an autocratic state in which the Emperor held control over legislative, administrative, judicial and military affairs, and allowed the Emperor to directly control the military authority through the establishment of the Supreme Military Council.

  Under the Constitution of the Korean Empire, the Emperor monopolized all the power, thereby completely denying the Fourteen Clauses of the Great Charter and the Six Articles of the Charter, which could be considered constitutions for the modernization of Korea.

  The Constitution of the Korean Empire completely blocked Korea’s path to modernization. So long as the Korean Empire subsisted, reforms for modernization became institutionally impossible. Moreover, so many talented people who understood the world situation well were either killed or forced to seek refuge abroad.

  The Emperor and people of the conservative ruling class must have felt relieved to see this result. However, by making it impossible to conduct autonomous reforms for enlightenment and modernization amidst the rapidly-changing circumstances of Asia in the early 20th century, we believe that the Korean Empire committed a great mistake.

  Now, the only way to transform Korea into a modern state was to defeat the Constitution of the Korean Empire. However, it was impossible to move to defeat the Constitution from inside Korea, as people involved would be executed for high treason against the Emperor. In addition, there was the conservative Yangban class, which accounted for more than half of the population and was against the reform. The Korean Empire, placed under the despotic authority of the Emperor in all aspects and maintaining the class system, customs and systems that were the root of all troubles, completely denied the freedom of the people. In these circumstances, it was impossible for Korea to implement reforms for modernization and extricate itself from its undeveloped and miserable condition.

  The items 1 to 15 above describe the reality of “rule of the Korean race by the Korean race” towards the end of the Joseon era.

   We would like to ask people in the world how Korea could have survived under these circumstances.

[kpophours]

A World In-between

➵ VAV: (angel) Baron x fem. reader / one shot, angel AU / angst, fluff

➵ warnings: mentions of death, mentions of violence (car crash)

➵ word count: 2.5k

➵ series: Baron, Ayno, St. Van, Ziu, Lou, Ace

You don't know how much time has passed by now.

Everyday is the same for you - you keep wandering the brightly lit hallway in front of your room, never going too far, always returning before it gets dark outside.

Sometimes you follow the doctors or nurses into some of the other occupied rooms on this ward, observe how they treat patients, how they talk to family members, how they sometimes break down when someone didn't pull through.

Like you.

Well, technically you're not dead.

Yet.

Right now, you - or rather, your body - is laying in room 394. Machines help you breathe, help you get nourishment, help you stay alive. 

At least for the time being. 

You guess a bit over four weeks have passed since your car accident (not your fault, but the drunk driver who hit you only got a few bruises, while you are now stuck in a coma - life's funny like that sometimes). Your family and friends still visit regularly, some more than others, they are the only entertainment you get in this world in-between. You haven't seen other... ghosts, lost souls or whatever you are, yet. You also haven't looked for any, if you're being honest. 

You have watched enough Supernatural to know there are only two possibilities for you: move on or stay stuck forever. 

You don't believe the encouraging words of the doctors, promising your parents a speedy recovery once you wake up. If you wake up sounds more like it. You heard some nurses talk in low voices behind your parents’ back - that the chances you'll ever wake up again are very slim indeed. Probably going towards zero by now.

You sigh, stroll around your room and look out of the window and into the dark night sky. No stars are visible tonight, the bright lights of the city masking the natural light of the far aways suns completely. 

"There you are."

You whirl around, clutching your heart - is it possible for a ghost (lost soul, whatever) to have a heart attack? Because you're pretty sure you almost got one thanks to the person now standing in the middle of your room. 

His hair is blond and a bit unkempt, he's tall and slim and sports a soft smile, his eyes forming little crescents. 

"Uh. Hi.", you just say, a bit dumbfounded. 

His smile widens. "Hi." 

That's all he gives you. You tilt your head to one side, calculating him with a critical look. "Not to be rude, but who are you?", you ask, feeling a bit bolder thanks to his inviting, open face. 

"You can call me Baron.", he answers, burying his hands into the pockets of his white trousers. 

"And... you were searching for me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're lonely."

You huff at that. "I'm not! My parents just left. And I know for a fact that my best friend will come visit again - tomorrow morning before her lecture, actually. She told me so herself."

Baron just gazes at you, one eyebrow slightly raised. 

You gulp a bit. "And... I mean, there are doctors and nurses and-"

"You haven't left your room."

"That's not true! I was wandering the hallway just yesterday." 

"There are others like you here, you know.", Baron offers, tilting his head to the side, "Don't you want to go and meet them?"

You cross your arms in front of your chest, observing the young man in front of you. Nothing gives you the impression he's trying to hurt you or something like that, but you're still undecided. You look at yourself laying on the white hospital bed, look at the tubes coming out of your nose and mouth, at the unnatural paleness of your skin and the dark bruises on your arms, still clearly visible. 

"Nothing's going to happen to you, I promise.", Baron says softly, following your gaze, "Your body will remain the same, even if you leave for a few hours."

You take a deep breath and finally nod. "Uh, well, let's go, then."

Baron steers you towards the stairs to take you to one of the higher levels and you follow him carefully. "Don't look so scared. Nothing can hurt you in the in-between.", he finally says, humor sparkling in his dark eyes when he sees your hunched shoulders and paranoid looks. You scowl, dropping your defensive stance a bit. 

"But what if a grim reaper shows up and wants to drag me to the afterlife with him?", you ask, trying to sound playful (and failing). 

Baron shrugs. "Believe me, if a grim reaper shows up... you won't be able to escape him." 

"So they are real?", you whisper, heart suddenly hammering in your chest, panic contorting your face.

Baron's dark eyes slide towards you and when he sees your scared expression, he carefully takes your hand in his. You're surprised at the warmth radiating from of him - it instantly calms you. 

"All the stories are real, Y/N.", he murmurs, "But that doesn't mean you need to be afraid of them."

You don't ask how he knows your name - you just continue to follow him quietly, your hand still in his. 

Baron takes you to the 11th floor, pulling you towards an open space between two wards. You see a few people mingling, some sitting on sofas, others standing in front of the windows, softly talking to one another. 

When you enter the room, most turn around. Almost everyone is clad in hospital gowns just like yourself, but a few are wearing normal clothes. A woman in a flowery dress smiles at you, waving you closer. You gaze at Baron, who nods encouragingly. 

When you reach the woman, she quickly takes your hands in hers. "I'm Sofia.", she introduces herself, voice as soft as her eyes, "I'm so happy you could make it to our gathering. Tonight is your first time, right?" 

You nod, a bit taken aback, before answering: "I'm Y/N. And I.. actually don't know what I'm doing here." 

She laughs at this. "Most of us don't, sweetie. But that's why we're here. Talking to each other helps more than you might think." 

With that, she pulls you with her towards the sofas where everyone's already seated. Baron takes the place beside you and you immediately feel calmer, his presence soothing you in a strange way. 

Sofia smiles at everyone, before beginning to speak: "Hello everyone, thanks for coming. My name is Sofia and I'm in charge of leading this little gathering tonight. I've been here for five years now, my husband still keeping my body alive and well. Yesterday, he brought our daughter with him - I can't believe she's already turning eight this June. She’s growing up so fast..." She stops, taking a deep breath and wiping a few tears from her face, before nodding at the man beside her.

"Hello, I'm Adam and I've been here for a few months now... About six, I think. My family is still hoping I'll wake up again, but I'm beginning to lose patience... I want to move on. Or go back. I don't want to be stuck here anymore." He looks a bit angry, but when Sofia lays her hand on his, he immediately calms down, nodding at the person besides him. 

"What’s up, I'm Jae and I've been here for two years now..."

It goes on like this, everyone stating their name and how long they've been in this world in-between. Then, it's finally your turn (Baron just shook his head, when everyone looked at him expectantly, simply continuing to stay silent). "I'm Y/N and I don't actually know how long it's been since... since the car crash. Definitely a few weeks, I guess. It's actually my first time engaging with anyone in the in-between... I didn't know there were that many of us here.", you explain, "That's why I didn't come sooner. Thanks for having me though, I guess."  

Sofia smiles brightly at you and you feel Baron's light touch on your hand. He nods at you, a small smile on his lips. 

The next evening, you come back, Baron at your side. 

It continues like this for a few weeks: everyone introducing themselves, talking about their problems, about their lives - about anything, really. You soon notice it helps everyone to stay sane in this strange in-between world. 

Baron never says anything, though. He's always there, by your side, sometimes holding your hand or gifting you one of his gentle smiles, but he always stays silent during the meetings.

One evening, you can't control your curiosity anymore - while Baron walks beside you through one of the many hallways, you turn towards him: "Who are you?" 

He looks surprised at your sudden question, raising one eyebrow. "You know who I am. I'm Baron." 

You roll your eyes. "That's just a name. But who - or what exactly are you?" 

He considers this for a second, before smiling again. "I'm your comrade in this world in-between." 

You huff, crossing your arms. "That's not a real answer. Everyone's my comrade in the in-between - we're all stuck here, all lost." 

Baron takes your hand in his, making your heart flutter. He shouldn't have this effect on you, but when you try to pull away from him, he only pulls you closer. 

"Do you really want to know?", he asks, voice low and eyes dark.  

You gulp a bit, but nod nevertheless. 

"I'm an angel." He actually looks a bit nervous at his confession. 

You take a step back. "You- what? An... angel? An actual angel?"

He simply shrugs and nods. 

"Are you... my guardian angel?" 

He snorts. "No. If so, I would really suck at my job, don't you think?"

Well, you are in a coma right now, so he's onto something. 

"Uh, yeah.", you answer a bit sheepishly. "Then... what's an angel doing in the in-between?", you ask again, curious about the blond man beside you. 

"Looking out for humans, of course." 

„But you‘re only ever with me.“ 

„Yeah. I like you.“ He says is casually, but it makes you heart flutter nevertheless. 

„Do you even have feelings?“

He scowls at this, an expression you‘ve never seen on his face before. „Of course! We‘re not demons; we angels have feelings just like any other creature made by God.“ 

„I meant no offense.“, you quickly say, gently squeezing his hand. Immediately, his face lights up with a smile again. 

„I know. Sorry for lashing out.“ 

Before you reach the 11th floor, you stop again. Baron looks at you, a silent question written all over his face. 

„I think I want to skip tonight‘s meeting. Can we go to the rooftop?“, you ask. You’ve been up there only once, together with Jae, a lost soul you‘ve grown fond of. He must have been around you own age when he fell into a coma two years ago; you always laugh a lot when you’re together (mostly thanks to all the vine references he throws at you), managing to forget about being stuck in the in-between for a few hours. 

Baron nods. „Sure, if that‘s what you want.“

You take the stairs up to the rooftop; when you finally reach the door leading outside, you’re already out of breath (not having a body sadly didn‘t give you a better stamina). The view is worth it though - the sky is pitch black, so you‘re perfectly able to see the brightly lit skyline tonight. You smile softly, leaning against the railing and gazing into the distance. 

You don’t notice Baron‘s gentle, loving eyes on you. 

„When I‘m finally back in my body, I want to come back here again.“, you say softly.

At this, the angel smiles sadly. 

He knows you won't pull through.

He knows you're stuck in the world in-between because you can't let go of your loved ones.

But he also knows you still need time to accept your fate. 

He will wait for you - as he always does.

Two weeks later, the time has finally come. 

Tears stream down your cheeks while you listen to the doctors telling your parents that there's no hope for you anymore, that your brain is dead while your body stays alive. Baron is right beside you, your hand securely in his. He holds you close while you press your face in his chest, crying for the life you never got to live. 

He takes you back to the rooftop again, the night sky calming you. Your eyes are red and puffy, face swollen from crying. You can't seem to get the heartbroken faces of your parents out of your head. 

"It's just not fair.", you whisper, "That he gets to live on while I have to die."

Baron nods solemnly. "I know."

"I can't leave everyone behind like this. I didn't even get to say goodbye, I- I need to tell them I love them and-"

"Y/N."

You look up and into the dark, warm eyes of the angel beside you. He takes both your hands in his. "They know all this already, believe me. They know. The only thing you can do now, is move on."

You sniff. "Move on to where?"

His smile is bright this time. "You'll just have to wait and see. But if you don't move on... You will become a vengeful spirit. And believe me, that's the worst fate there is."

You shiver slightly at his words, hugging yourself tightly. "... Will you be there, too?"

He nods. "I'll be waiting for you on the other side. But you'll have to cross over by yourself, alone. That’s the rule."

You tilt your head upwards and gaze at him with curious eyes. "Are you really an angel, Baron?"

"I am, yes."

"Grim reapers are also called Angels of Death, aren't they?"

Baron nods again, tilting his head to the side, blond locks falling into his dark eyes. "You are smarter than most souls I've gathered from this place."

You sigh. "I was sorted into Ravenclaw, so..." 

He looks confused at your reference, so you simply shrug. "Doesn't matter now. What... how- I... I don't know-" 

You choke on your own words, but Baron understands you nevertheless. He holds out his hand, his grip strong and warm, as always.

Death really isn't cold and lonely, you think.

Or at least not for you.

"Cross over, Y/N. I'll see you on the other side." 

You notice a door appearing behind the angel, a soft light emanating from within. 

The last thing you see and feel before you step through, is the warm smile on Baron's face as well as the slight pressure he gives your hand before finally letting you go.

You take a last deep breath, look into your beloved night sky and take a step forward.

Moving on isn't hard, at least not for the person doing it, you notice.

Especially not if someone with a bright smile and warm eyes is waiting for you on the other side.

[masterlist] | [requests] 

[mautadite]

june book round up

18 books this month! this is late because i just couldn’t find the time to sit down and write it but it’s finally here! and i completed my reading challenge! whoo! mostly e-books and audiobooks once again, and also a good few arcs. (i’m still so proud to be able to say that lol.)

the 7 1/2 deaths of evelyn hardcastle - stuart turton ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a murder mystery/thriller that takes place in the midst of a house party. kind of a groundhog day thing; the same day repeats over and over, and one of the guests wakes up in the body of a different guest EVERY day, and will do so until he solves the mystery. this was one of the cleverest books i’ve ever read, seeing everything come together was so good. but the last reveal left me kinda like... was THAT the point of all of this?? also one part of this book is grossly fatphobic.

breeze of a spring evening and other stories - yu dafu ⭐️⭐️⭐️ collection of short stories written and set in 1920s china/japan. there was a lot of examination of men’s desire towards younger women which bored me. but the writing was good, and i really enjoyed when the writer talked about being chinese and living in japan; that feeling of isolation of loss of self and country,

her lady’s honor - renee dahlia ⭐️⭐️ first arc of the month! historical f/f romance set after wwi. one character is a vet (in both senses of the word, she served as an animal doctor during the war) and the other is the daughter of the first character’s old captain. i wanted to like this a lot more than i did but the writing was dull, needed a better edit, and the structure/plot was just all over the place. the characters were fine, but not hugely compelling, and i didn’t fall in love with their romance.

his cocky cellist - cole mccade ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ really good m/m romance about a cellist/masseur and a young billionaire who end up becoming entangled. fictional billionaires are the only good ones. this had really pretty prose (sometimes a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit purple), great characters, great chemistry, and just a lovely romance overall.

his cocky valet: after story - cole mmcade ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ cute coda to the first book in the series. a HEA in a way that works for these specific characters.

night owls and summer skies - rebecca sullivan ⭐️⭐️ another arc, another book i sadly didn’t enjoy much. this is ya f/f, about a girl who is sent unwillingly to the camp that she attended in childhood. the bare bones of the writing was fine, but it tried to be a romantic comedy in ways that just didn’t work. a lot of the humour was a total miss. and the book dealt a lot with bullying, while also letting the love interest get away with some truly shitty stuff. 

arms wide open - donna jay ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary f/f romance about a married couple going through some rough patches, who decide to try to spice things up by inviting a third person into their bed. it was cute, not spectacular. while i liked the characters a lot, because the book opened with them already in love (having problems, but never OUT of love) this book was missing what i love about most romances: the falling in love bit!

my heart’s in the highlands - amy hoff ⭐️⭐️⭐️ another arc and oh man this is an extremely generous rating for a book that really wasn’t that good, but hit the spot for me in specific ways. it’s historical f/f time travel romance about a woman from the 19th century who travels back to the 13th century and falls in love with a gruff highlander warrior woman. this is not very well written, has so many unexplained plot points, (how did a woman from the 19th century build a time machine? none of our damned business) didn’t seem too concerned with historical fidelity, and had some dubcon, which, bleh. but i still REALLY liked parts of this. i’m just so weak for historical f/f romance.

when all the world sleeps - j.a. rock and lisa henry ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m romance between a chronic sleepwalker who lives in fear of the things he does when he’s sleeping, and a cop. this was fine. sometimes sad and sweet, sometimes weird and overdone. the police character was fine most of the time, but he also reminded me of why i don’t like reading romances with cops. especially In These Times. every tiny abuse of power made me want to snap. the actually romance was good, but i’ve read better.

yellow jessamine - caitlin starling ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another arc! fantasy sort of horror with some f/f leanings. really wonderful prose, AMAZING characters, and really lush, unsettling horror. i don’t read/enjoy a lot of horror but this was great. i adore complicated women so much

where the forest meets the stars - glendy vanderah ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ on a genre scale i guess this is contemporary/mystery? a moving novel about a biologist (who’s a breast cancer survivor) who meets a little girl claiming to be an alien who comes from the stars. it didn’t go the way i was kind of expecting it to, and i enjoyed it. it had an m/f romance that i liked... mostly? there were some tropes i coulda done without, and it was really lazy in the way it addressed trauma.

silver ravens - jane fletcher ⭐️⭐️⭐️ yet another arc! i really enjoyed fletcher’s celaeno series so i was excited to be approved for this f/f fantasy/adventure novel. an out-of-work IT professional is swept into fairy world with fae and mystery and intrigues aplenty, and a mercenary captain she falls for. the writing was fine, but some of the world building really bugged me, and there wasn’t enough romance imo.

second nature - jae ⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f paranormal romance about a writer who’s begun to have strange dreams about a society of animal shifters, and the liger shifter who’s been tasked with finding her, and if need be, killing her. this could have been a great book (i especially really liked the characters and how they were described, and the plot) but the writer did one of the things i really hate: giving us the pov of the villain from the very beginning, letting us know his plans, motivations, EVERYTHING. it felt like we spent the entire book waiting for the protags to catch up, and it just wasn’t entertaining.

dragonoak books 2-3 - sam farren ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the last two books in the dragonoak series, an f/f high fantasy series. they were too long, the plot was shaky, and there were some irksome bits but holy crap, i loved these books so much. SO MUCH. they have some of my very favourite characters and tropes EVER. lots of queer ladies, lots of trans characters, necromancy, batles, found families, friendships, damaged characters, REALLY EXCELLENT ROMANCE.. the book had flaws aplenty but i’m ready to forgive them all. (

when i was you - minka kent ⭐️⭐️⭐️ i don’t usually read thrillers, but i decided to try this out on a whim after seeing the cover and it was... fine. it helped that i didn’t read the blurb, bc that meant i had no idea where it was going. after the first huge twist it did become kinda meh tho.

the hole -  hye-young pyun ⭐️⭐️⭐️ psychological horror about a man who survives the car cash that killed his wife. he ends up paralysed, and is living with his mother in law, and one day he looks out the window and sees her digging holes in the garden. this was an EXTREMELY slow book. it took ages for anything to really happen. there were a lot of flashbacks and internal monologuing. the absolute best part of this book came at almost the end, where there was a big sorta revelation and the writing became really crisp and cutting and just really good. it had a really fitting end.

the silvers - j.a. rock ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ m/m sci-fi romance. humans are in search of water for earth, which is running out. they come across intelligent life on a new planet: a race of people called silvers. the captain of the mission and one of the silvers develop a close relationship... this was really good; i loved what it had to say about humanity and nature and the ways we can and do hurt each other. very interesting, i don’t think i’ve ever read anything like it.

and that’s it for june! i ended up reading a fair few things out of my usual comfort zone. for july, i think i’m going back to a majority romance; i’ve missed that. currently reading to have loved and lost.

[kehrschaufel09]

What You Wish For

Pairing: Female Reader x Jae

Genre: Supernatural AU

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4

Warnings: Light swearing

Words: 1,241

a/n: I am so sorry to all of those who waited for an update. But I literally had no motivation and I didn’t want the result to be something half-hearted. I hope you like the new chapter! 

Chapter 3 

“Hey Y/N!” Mina waved from across the green. Since it was weekend, the three of you decided to make a picnic at the Han River. It was a great idea to take your mind out of school and all the other crazy things that happened lately. 

The temperatures were getting warmer and it was a nice summer day in June. The perfect day to finally wear your favorite dress again. 

Your best friend and her boyfriend were sitting on a large blanket and had already outspread the food they made. 

You happily waved back and hurried to get to their spot. “Hey guys! I’m so glad you made it today!” Mina stood up to greet you properly and Minhyuk followed her example. You hugged both of them overly excited. 

“Did you wait long?” You asked. Minhyuk smiled at you. “The food is still here so probably not.” You laughed relieved. Sitting down on the blanket besides Minhyuk you got the food from your bag. 

You spent the next 2 hours talking about everything that came to mind. But despite all the fun you, Mina and Minhyuk had it felt somehow incomplete. There was something missing. Something important you couldn’t describe. 

Just as the weird feeling you have had before came back you noticed a man standing at a bench not far from you. He was wearing a long coat and his features were awful familiar to you. The coat, the way he walked and his radiance. You had definitely seen them before.

You narrowed your eyes to slits and tried to identify his face but without success. Mina must have seen you because she looked at you wondering. 

“You alright?” She looked around to find what you were staring at so intensely. 

You snapped out of your trance and nodded absently. “Hmm… yeah…” 

“You are kind of weird lately, Y/N. Did something happen? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“No. Everything is fine. Really.” You said, slightly laughing to hide your lie. For a moment you were contemplating whether to tell her about the stranger watching you or not. “… University has been a pain in the ass lately.” 

Mina seemed satisfied with your answer so you sighed relieved and grabbed a slice of kimbap from one of the containers. 

Mid-eating your sight wandered back to the bench where the man stood earlier. He didn’t move a bit and remained at the exact same spot like before. But it seemed different. He was talking on the phone with someone and while talking he was staring at you. 

Maybe you just imagined it but it felt like he was slightly getting anxious. He seemed to scan the park searching for someone or something. His gaze landed on you, becoming aware that you were watching him. He quickly looked away and hid his face under his cap. 

Then Minhyuk spoke up, interrupting your staring contest.“Ah! Before I forget to mention it. Wonho is planing on doing his birthday party tomorrow. He invited all three of us.” 

Wonho was a good friend of Minhyuk’s and also a music major like Mina and you. He was a nice guy and you two got along pretty well. You saw him almost every day as he was having almost the same classes as you did. 

Mina seemed really excited. “What do you think Y/N? You gonna come?” You smiled. 

“Of course!” Wonho’s parties were quite infamous around campus and some distraction wouldn’t hurt you. Mina looked happy with your answer and you grinned. 

Then your thoughts went back to the man watching you. After scanning the park with his eyes he found what he looked for and got unstuck from his frozen spot in front of the bench. His feet lead towards you and your friends. 

His determined steps lead him in your direction. This was making you slightly nervous and you started to brave yourself for any attack he eventually was going to launch. The moment he was close enough for you to see his face he suddenly turned left and started walking even faster than he was before.

You sighed relieved, happy that you didn’t have to defend yourself from a stranger who was definitely stronger than you. You kept following him with your eyes. 

He was on the merge of running as he reached another man standing under the shadow of a big tree. They seemed to know each other and talked for a bit. They glanced once in a while in your direction as if they were talking about you. 

You tried your best not to be suspicious watching them and started to contribute something to Minhyuk and Mina’s conversation.

The next time you glanced over they started walking towards the river. On their way they passed a big oak tree. You expected them to appear again after passing the visual obstacle but that never happened. They just vanished. 

You were going completely crazy now, weren’t you? Was your mind playing games with you? Once in a while your sight went back to the tree. Maybe they just stopped behind it and talked for a little longer. Waiting for you to go home and stalk you again, or anything like that.

Or maybe you just missed the time they left.

Trying to forget the incident you immerged yourself deeper into the conversation of your friends. They were choosing a birthday present for Wonho and that could take longer than expected.

But somehow it bothered you for the entire afternoon. As you decided to pack your things and go separate ways for the day you still couldn’t think of anything else. After saying goodbye to both of them you made up your mind to at least check the tree they both ‘vanished’ behind. Maybe they dropped something or left some kind of trace that would give you the evidence of not being entirely insane. 

You searched the grass for something to give you some kind of hint or anything. Crawling on the ground for about 10 minutes you already wanted to give up. You sat down, leaning against the trunk. Exhausted from looking for any evidence, you decided to take a break. 

It was nice watching couples driving their bicycles along the river, dogs playing together and people having a beautiful day. Suddenly a butterfly grabbed your attention. It was sitting on a daisy flapping with its wings. You observed it carefully and that’s when you noticed something dazzling your eyes. Frowning you reach for the spot and picked up a small pendant. 

Weighing it in your palm you examined it closely. It was a golden pendant in the form of a star, rather flat and the front and back were sealed with glass. The hollow between the pendant was filled with a silvery mist that swirled inside its container. The jewelry itself wasn’t bigger than the nail of your thumb but it felt really heavy in your palm. But the heaviness wasn’t the only surprising thing, what was more unexpected was the familiarity that came with it. 

This was definitely the kind of evidence you were looking for. At least it stopped yourself questioning your own sanity.

You were deep in your thoughts on the way back home and kept thinking about the strange events today and the days before.

Nowhere near did you know that this day was going to get even stranger. 

[starlightkun]

bad boy killer [taeyong]

❧ word count: 20.4k

❧ warnings: cursing

❧ genre: bad boy au, childhood friends au, fluff, angst

bad boy killers, we are the extreme villain

Lee Taeyong wasn't always a bad boy. In fact, you didn't even consider him to be one nowadays. But that was probably because of the photos of you two together playing with bubbles in the bath when you were two, and sitting in slides together at three, and of you smashing cake in each other's faces at your fourth birthday party. Knowing someone since childhood made it hard for you to ever take them seriously, much less when they tried to completely reinvent themselves before you started your last year of high school.

At the end of June, you were spending a lazy day at the park with Taeyong, his head resting on your lap as you sat together on a blanket was when he first shared in a hushed whisper his want to get piercings, dye his hair, and get tattoos. To "become a bad boy," according to him. You couldn't help but snort, trying not to dissuade your friend too much. He lightly laughed it off with you.

Only a week later, Taeyong climbed through your bedroom window—a regular occurrence—to show you the fake lip ring he got. If you could detach the boy in front of you from your old childhood friend, you could see that the lip looked really good on him. But you just couldn't. You tried nonetheless, telling him you thought it was pretty. He pouted as he took it off his bottom lip and threw it in your trashcan.

Two weeks later, at nearly midnight, your phone rang with an incoming call from him.

“Hey, Yonggie.” You greeted him with a yawn. “What's up?”

You didn't miss the audible sigh he let out before speaking. “Are you home?”

“Uh, yeah. Why?”

“Look over.”

Standing up from the comfort of your bed, you opened your blinds to peer out. Taeyong's window across the yard from yours was illuminated, the cheerful figure of your friend waving at you.

“Okay, now watch this.” With that, he ripped off the beanie had been wearing to reveal a head full of bright red hair.

“Oh my god! Your parents are going to kill you when they see that tomorrow!”

“I know!”

“Where did you even get it done?”

“I did it at Yukhei's house!”

You took a deep breath, the name familiar to you. “As in, Wong Yukhei?”

Yukhei had moved to your school last year, bringing with him a bad reputation. Apparently, he had gotten expelled from his previous school for an array of things. Depending on who you asked, it was either for pranking a teacher one too many times, punching another student, dealing drugs, underage drinking, or all of the above. None of them sounded pleasant to you, or like someone that you or Taeyong would want to hang out with. But he was now hanging out with Yukhei, which worried you.

“Yeah, Jaeh—Yoonoh invited me with him.” Your friend explained, and you couldn't draw your eyes from the fiery visage of Taeyong across your yard. Jung Jaehyun was another childhood friend of the both of you, but he'd strayed from your friend group when you graduated middle school. You knew that he had started wanting to be called Yoonoh instead of Jaehyun now. You didn't even know he and Taeyong were hanging out again, you hadn't seen him in over a year.

“You hung out with Jae?”

Taeyong seemed to have noticed that he struck a chord with you, fervently backtracking, “He called me up the other day, and I mean I didn't know we were going to Yukhei's house, and I didn't go over there to dye my hair it just kind of happened. But I love it! Isn't it really cool?”

Squeezing your eyes shut in thought, you tried to compose words that wouldn't hurt your friend's feelings. He really did seem excited about the new hair color, and you couldn't argue that it didn't look good on him. “It looks great, Yonggie. Are you seeing Jae again soon?” You couldn't even force yourself to call him Yoonoh, it felt unnatural to you.

“Me, him, Yukhei, and a bunch of their friends are hanging out tomorrow. Why?”

“Tell him I said hi.”

“Are you okay, Y/N?”

“Just tired, I was about to sleep when you called me.” You only partially lied, offering him a sleepy smile that you hoped he could make out.

“You sure? I can probably convince them to let me bring you with.” Your neighbor offered, eyes catching yours through the windows. “I know you miss Yoonoh as much as I did.”

“It's fine, I've got some studying to do.”

“Okay. Sorry for keeping you up. Goodnight, mochi.”

And that was the last time you ever heard Taeyong affectionately call you by your childhood nickname. Or even really address you at all. The next day he went to hang out with Jaehyun, Yukhei, and whom you assumed to be Yukhei and Jaehyun's other delinquent friends, while you threw yourself into your studying. He came back with two slits in his right eyebrow.

Your texts with Taeyong got less and less frequent until it got to the point where he wouldn't even give you a second glance if he saw you out and about. You kept your blinds open, hoping he'd climb through your window again, or call you up to talk to each other through your windows. He never did.

The first weekend after you started back at school, having exchanged brief hellos in your shared classes—where you had noticed another silver lip ring, which you guessed to be real this time—you looked up from your homework out your blinds and immediately regretted it. It was something you wished you could unsee: some girl you'd never seen straddling Taeyong on his bed as they sloppily made out. Slamming your blinds shut while trying not to puke, you never reopened them again.

That day you knew that any hopes of rekindling your lost friendship with Taeyong were gone. He was always accompanied by Yukhei, or Yoonoh, or their other friends you came to know as Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. You didn't really care about learning their names, nor did they seem to care much about you either. But deep in your gut, you knew that you still cared about Lee Taeyong, which is why you would still offer him a cheerful greeting in passing and sat beside him in your only period without his friends. If he didn't skip, of course.

You weren't expecting to find Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest waiting in front of your locker for you one morning. But there they were, ripped jeans, faded hoodies, and all. You slowed to a stop in front of them, raising an eyebrow. “I know you know that's my locker.”

“Is it really?” The tallest one you'd nicknamed Dumb asked, and you tried to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yep.”

Dumber spoke up, the smallest of the three, “Our bad.”

But they still didn't move. Tapping your foot impatiently, you kept eye contact with Dumbest, waiting for him to add some sleazy comment.

“Could you please move?” You requested sweetly, fluttering your eyelashes.

“Make me.” Dumbest finally said suggestively, tongue tracing his bottom lip.

Knowing that he wanted a reaction from you, you stood your ground, waiting for them to move. Dumb's phone buzzed then, and his face lit up as he checked it. “TY's here, let's go.”

With that, they abandoned your locker, Dumbest giving you a wink as he passed by you, “See you soon.”

TY could have only meant Taeyong. He seemed to have become the leader of whatever weird conglomerate of “bad boys” that friend group was. Shaking your head, you twisted your combination into the lock, humming a peppy tune to try to get yourself back into a good mood.

“You okay?” A voice asked from beside you, and you turned to see your locker neighbor, Mark, out of breath as he opened his own. “I was at the other end of the hall and couldn't get here fast enough.”

The idea of Mark Lee protecting you from those three was enough for you to crack a smile. First of all, you didn't need protection from Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest, they were more nuisances than anything else. Secondly, Mark didn't quite strike you as the alpha male protective type anyway.

“It's fine, Mark. They're just three dumb guys, nothing to call the police about.” You took out your binder for your next few classes, stowing away the ones for your very last ones.

Mark's face lit up into a grin as well, chuckling at himself, “Thank god, I was not in the mood to get beaten to a pulp.”

“Hey, where's Chenle?” You peered around, looking for the adorable little underclassmen that had pretty much attached himself at the hip to Mark.

“He is fortunately at home, sick.”

“Don't you mean unfortunately?”

“Ehh.”

You scoffed, elbowing the boy in the side. “Be nice to him, he pretty much idolizes you.”

“Who calls their idol old and fat when they don't get their way?” Mark replied indignantly just as the bell rang.

“Zhong Chenle, apparently. See you later, Mark.”

“See ya!” He gave you a wave as you parted to go to your own classes.

As a senior, you had very few serious classes to take, you really just needed to get your extra number of credits to graduate. That meant that your classes were filled with the strangest ensemble of people, underclassmen and upperclassmen, from the potheads to band geeks to “bad boys” to studyholics to drama nerds. And you were just kind of there. You normally sat with Chenle in your first class, art. His bubbly self always brought a smile to your face. But now that he wasn't at school, you were quite lonely at the large table, accompanied only by an empty chair.

“Where's the kid?” A voice that, much to your disdain, was starting to become familiar to your ears asked.

Dumbest was sitting on the table just a couple inches from your supplies, feet on your younger friend's chair.

“Chenle's sick today.” You informed him, scooting your colored pencils away from him before coolly reaching into your bag for your sketchbook.

“So does that mean this seat's open?”

Looking around the room, you suddenly got an idea, “Nope! Because uh, Sicheng is going to sit with me today!”

The boy whose name you had just loudly announced perked up from where he had entered the art room. You were friendly enough with Dong Sicheng, he was a relatively quiet boy who lived down the street from you and was featured in several childhood photos alongside you, Taeyong, and Jaehyun. He hesitantly approached you, pulling the chair out from under Dumbest's feet before setting his bookbag on it.

“Yuta, could you please move? I need to get my supplies out.” Sicheng's quiet request held enough confidence to make Yuta hop off the table.

“Of course.” The other boy grinned, ruffling his hair as he walked away.

“Thank you.” You said quietly to Sicheng as he retrieved his supplies before sitting down beside you.

“No problem,” He replied with a warm smile, observing your hands as they flipped through your sketchbook to find your current assignment. “My mom told me to say hi the next time I saw you, by the way.”

“Ah, tell her I said hi, too.”

You finally found the correct page, the beginnings of a sketch of four small figures sitting on a bench. The two in the middle had their arms around each other tightly, smushing their cheeks together. Only the outlines had been put down so far, nothing to define who they were exactly. But Sicheng clearly knew what it was.

“Me, you, Taeyong, Jaehyun.” He went left to right naming the outlines fondly.

“The prompt was childhood.” You shrugged noncommittally, opening your phone to bring up a copy of the picture. Looking at it brought a bittersweet ache in your chest, looking at your four bright smiles. You could almost hear the laughter of the four five-year-olds ringing in your ears or feel Taeyong's cheek smushed against yours as he tried to hug you as tightly as possible.

“Wow, we've changed.” 

“Just a bit.”

The rest of the class you continued a quiet and pleasant conversation with Sicheng as both of you focused on your work. You'd gotten started on drawing in the faces when the bell rang, prompting you to pack up your things. 

“Y/N...” Sicheng spoke up, shouldering his bookbag. 

“Yes?” You replied, zipping up your own.

“I've got an empty seat next to me in history if you want it.”

History was your last period and the only one that you shared with Taeyong and without at least one his friends. It was during that period that you could almost pretend that you two were how you were a year ago. Almost. There was still the bright red hair, lip piercing, eyebrow slits, and bad attitude. But that almost was what kept you there, the occasional time you could make him laugh and see the way his eyes turn to crescents and his whole face lights up, or when he would do his work for once and his tongue would poke ever so slightly out of his mouth, a habit he'd had ever since you were little. That's probably why you felt reluctant to accept Sicheng's offer for a seat change.

“Ah thanks, but I think I'm okay where I am. How about we go out for boba after school instead?” You suggested, leading the way out of the art room and down the hall. “We can get some studying done for our history test tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a date.”

“Not a date.”

Sicheng had a teasing smile on his face as you elbowed his side. “I’m only kidding, Y/N. No way I’d date someone who rubbed my face in mud.”

“That was twelve years ago, let it go you big baby.” You rolled your eyes but were glad that he wasn't actually misinterpreting your offer to hang out.

“I'll see you in history, then.”

“See you.”

When you sat down in history that day, you were surprised to find Taeyong already there. Not only was he not skipping, but he was early to your class. “Hi Taeyong!” You greeted him cheerily, plopping yourself into the seat beside him.

“Hey, Y/N.” He ran a hand through his bright scarlet locks, slit eyebrow raised as an indecipherable look was on his face. “Since when have you and Dong Sicheng been going out?”

“Since never.” Was your immediate retort as you opened your bookbag.

“I've got a friend that says otherwise.”

“Tell Dumbest to keep his ears out of my conversations.”

“Dumbest?”

“I don't know your friends' names, so I call them Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. Although I did recently learn that Dumbest’s name is Yuta.”

“Well, you're not wrong.” Taeyong let out a chuckle, eyes curving into those beautiful crescents before they popped back open, the same expression on as before. “So you going to boba with Sicheng isn’t a date?”

Flipping open your spiral notebook to where you had last been taking lecture notes, you reaffirmed, “I am not dating Sicheng. We're studying for our test in here tomorrow. You're welcome to join us, we're going right after school.”

There was something smug about his face now as he leaned back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest. “Thanks for the invite, but I've already got plans. In fact,” He clicked his phone on to check the time, and you caught such a fleeting glimpse of his wallpaper that you weren't sure if you had imagined it or not. “Yoon's waiting for me out front right now, gotta go!”

Taeyong gave you a soft pat on the head before shooting up out of his seat and out the classroom door just as the bell rang for class to begin. Your teacher shook her head as she closed the door behind him, but your eyes were still trained on the doorway he had disappeared through. The picture on his homescreen was still floating in your vision. Him, Yukhei, Yoonoh, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. You didn't know why some part of you thought that he would've kept it as the picture you two took at his 18th birthday party, your cheeks smushed together to recreate the image you were sketching in art now. Maybe because you had kept it as that.

“What's on your mind?” Sicheng nudged you gently in the side, hands wrapped around his drink as the two of you sat outside the boba shop.

Eyes flitting over the bleak gray skyscrapers jutting into the deep blue autumn sky, you let out a deep sigh. You didn't even answer your friend, simply taking out your phone and scooting a little closer to him. “Here, we don't have a recent picture of us together, do we?”

“Well, no,” Sicheng admitted, face cracking into a smile after you had opened the front camera and brought the phone up in front of your faces.

Satisfied with the picture, you selected the 'more' option. Your thumb hovered over the 'make lockscreen and homescreen' button before landing on 'make lockscreen.' You couldn't bring yourself to change your homescreen from that picture of you and Taeyong. Having done something about the issue that had been nagging at you since history, you were finally able to focus on your studying.

As you worked with Sicheng, you realized how much you had missed your old childhood friend. Sure, you’d seen him at neighborhood block parties and dinners between the families over the years, but you hadn’t actually hung out with him on your own in a long time. After Jaehyun stopped hanging out with you all, it didn’t take much for Sicheng to be unintentionally phased out of the friend group, leaving you and Taeyong being the only two who ever hung out. And you hung out all the time. Thinking about how you’d become so socially dependent on Taeyong, you felt a small ache in your heart, but also a growing sense of freedom. You’d done everything with Taeyong for years, you had almost no other friends. But now you could do whatever you wanted, with whoever you wanted. Maybe him leaving you was going to be a good thing after all.

“Yah! Zhong Chenle! I’m going to kill you, you little punk!” You screeched, pouncing on the boy who had just shot you with a water gun.

You were at Mark’s house, enjoying a pool party with him and his friends who had slowly become your friends as well. You’d even managed to introduce Sicheng into the friend group, and he had brought his own friend Kun along too. It felt nice, having more than one friend again. Until one of them decided to be a little shit and spray your perfectly dry self with a high-powered water gun.

Chenle was in the shallow end, but you had caught him off-guard enough to send him tumbling under the water. He was cackling as he stood back up, grabbing you around the torso to start dragging you towards the deeper end. You hit his arms, squirming around until you freed yourself, dunking him underwater again.

“Don’t drown each other.” Mark pleaded monotonously from where he and Donghyuck were sitting on floats, watching the spectacle.

“Get him, Y/N! Get him!” Donghyuck cheered you on from his swan float, as if he was watching a gladiator match, genuinely enjoying watching you and Chenle play-wrestle.

You and Chenle finally came to a draw, and you pulled yourself back out from the pool. Sicheng offered your towel out to you as you approached the table he was sitting at, where the food and drinks were all laid out. You accepted it, drying your face and hands before sitting on your friend’s leg with no hesitation.

“I was dry!” He whined but made no move to push you off.

“And now you’re not.” Reaching forward, you grabbed a plate to then dispense a handful of chips onto.

Kun and Renjun were in some kind of deep conversation as they viewed something on Kun’s phone across the table from you. Their brows were furrowed as they spoke in hushed whispers, occasionally glancing up at you.

“What are you boys doing?” You questioned, popping a chip in your mouth.

“Ah, nothing!” Sicheng answered for them, starting forwards, nearly knocking you off of him.

Regaining your balance, you turned to narrow your eyes at your friend. “What? What are they looking at, Sicheng?”

“The announcement for the new Smash game!” Renjun went to cover, but Kun’s guilty face gave away your friends’ lies.

You stood up, crossing your arms as you looked between the three of them. “What’s going on?”

Kun went to open his mouth, but the boy beside him slapped a hand over it, and Sicheng took the lead again, “Y/N, I promise, it’s nothing.”

“Then why can’t I know what it is?”

“Please, just leave it alone.”

“Fine.” You snapped, pivoting on your heel to storm back over to the poolside. You were beyond frustrated with them at this point, but past the point of wanting to fight over this any longer.

The youngest of your new friends, Jisung, had taken over Mark’s giant blue float at some point, and scooted over to make room for you to join him on it. Plopping down beside your younger friend, you let out a screech into your hands.

“If Sicheng says it’s nothing, then I’m sure it is.” He tried to reassure you, but you scoffed at the notion.

“No, I’m sure it’s something. He likes to try to ‘protect’ me from any kind of bullshit.”

“And you can handle it.”

“Exactly!”

Jisung reached over to fish one of the squirt guns from the pool. He handed it to you, pointing at the perfectly dry Donghyuck still perched atop his own float. Exchanging a mischievous grin with him, you turned the water gun on Donghyuck, and sprayed him full-blast. He nearly toppled off the swan, immediately yelling various curses at you. But there was still more water in the gun, and you aimed for his open mouth this time. You were successful, letting up to allow him to hack up the chlorinated water you’d just force-fed him before squirting his chest again. He started paddling himself towards the float you were on, clambering for blood.

“Let’s go!” You squealed, and Jisung started trying to maneuver you two away from the angry boy, but Donghyuck was already too close.

He leapt onto your float, sending all three of you into the water, disturbing Jeno and Jaemin, who had been peacefully dipping their feet into the deep end. As you desperately swam away from the still-cursing Donghyuck, you were cackling with Jisung, and felt a sense of joyful comradery with all of these boys. You had your own ever-growing group of friends, finally.

At the end of the night, some boys were sleeping over, and despite Mrs. Lee liking you very much, she nonetheless didn’t approve of you sleeping over as well. You took no offense to it, merely drying yourself off and gathering your stuff up again. Kun and Sicheng weren’t staying over either, and the three of you set off towards your homes together. Walking with the boys, you were still wringing your hair out to the best of your ability, occasionally getting the now-cold drops of water on Sicheng.

“That’s cold!” He hissed, rubbing it off his arm with a shiver.

You rolled your eyes, giving him a frank glare that you hoped he could see with the light from the lampposts, “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about earlier.”

Sicheng rubbed the back of his neck with a grimace, and Kun coughed awkwardly from his other side.

“I don’t know why you think you need to protect me from whatever bullshit it is now.” You continued, tying back your wet hair. “I can deal with it. Last time it was just that you were partnered up with Dumbest for an in-class project. Not a big deal.”

Your friend was still silent, and you shook your head, reaching behind him to tap Kun’s shoulder, “Kun-Kun.”

The other boy seemed to be almost in pain with how conflicted he was. One of the worst and best parts about being friends with Kun was that he could never keep a secret very well. It was bad if you tried to tell him anything private, but you hoped that it would come in use now. Sicheng was looking at him now too, trying to silently persuade him to not say anything.

“Kun-Kun, please.” You pouted, and you could hear him curse under his breath.

“Alright, it—”

“Qian Kun!” Sicheng groaned, hitting his friend’s arm.

“I’m sorry!” He screeched in reply to him, before continuing on with giving you the wanted information, “It was Taeyong’s Snapchat story that we were looking at.”

“And what was on it?”

“Kun…” Sicheng gave him one last warning.

You had reached the point where you had to split up with Kun, his house being in a separate suburb from yours and Sicheng’s. Kun immediately stammered out a goodbye before bolting down the street away from you. Sighing, you glared at Sicheng again before speed-walking down the sidewalk, leaving him behind. He jogged to catch up with you, keeping your own fast pace.  

“Y/N…”

“I have him added on Snapchat, you know? I can look at it myself.” You spat out, pulling your phone out from your bag.

“I thought we agreed that you would unfollow him from every social media.” He said in a disappointed tone that only made your blood boil even more.

“No, you had suggested that. I didn’t agree to anything.”

“I—” He cut himself off, shaking his head as he reached out for your hand. “Y/N.”

“What, Sicheng?”

“You’re a really great person.”

“Thanks.” You snorted, accompanied by an eye roll as you continued opening your phone.

Taking your hand from his, you clicked on Snapchat. Sicheng was quiet as you searched Taeyong's name, defiantly clicking on the circular icon of his story. The first snap—labelled as being ten hours ago—wasn’t much, just a very fuckboy-esque selfie of him biting his lip right beside his lip ring, winking at the camera as the sun behind him lit up his red hair. The next snap—posted four hours ago—was a video of Jaehyun and Yukhei doing shots, nothing new to you. You tapped to view the next snap—from three hours ago—and felt your stomach drop to the ground and your heart twist in your ribcage. It was just a picture, thankfully, but the content of the picture made you sick. Taeyong's lips were locked with those of some random girl who was clearly drunk. And judging by the sloppy camera work and awkward smushing of faces, so was your neighbor.  

Swiping out of the story, you tried to hide your discomfort, tucking your phone back away. Sicheng went to rub your arm comfortingly, but you shook him off.

“He’s making out with someone, big whoop.” You scoffed weakly, shaking your head. “Why did you think I’d care?”

“Because I know you.”

The pity in his voice irked you even more, and you felt ready to either scream, puke, run, or punch him in the face. “Not well enough, because I don’t fucking care. I literally don’t give a shit about what girl Taeyong is currently fucking. He’s allowed to go out and be a fuckboy, and I don’t care if he does. I don’t give a flying fuck about Lee Taeyong, okay?”

“Okay.” Sicheng gave in with a look of disbelief, but clearly didn’t want to argue with you any more.

Just as you had bellowed out that declaration, you turned the corner onto your street. Taeyong's house was right on that corner, and to your surprise, he and his friends were all hanging out on his driveway. And had clearly heard you, at least the last part, because he was standing on the sidewalk ahead of you, arms crossed and head cocked. A smirk was pulling at his lips, a single eyebrow raised as he looked you up and down.

“That hurts my feelings, Y/N.” Taeyong said as you and Sicheng slowed to a stop in front of him.

“Ooh, I’m sorry.” You replied mockingly, suddenly feeling exposed as you stood in just your swimsuit and shorts in front of Taeyong and his friends, who weren’t keeping their satisfaction at your wardrobe quiet.

“Excuse us, Taeyong.” Sicheng coughs awkwardly, trying to tug you past him, but neither you nor the red-haired boy moved a single muscle.

While he didn’t seem to be completely drunk, you could still smell faint whiffs of alcohol off him and from the other mass of boys, which made sense as to why they were sitting outside on the driveway. Taeyong’s parents had started a policy of just letting him be, but not letting him bring any “bad influences” in the house. You’d heard his mom lamenting his “negative changes” as she cried into your own mother’s arms on your couch, while you awkwardly made yourself dinner in the kitchen, trying to act as if you weren’t listening in.

“So, where were you?” Taeyong asked, referencing your wet hair and swimsuit.

“A pool.”

“Whose pool?”

“I don’t have to tell you that.”

“Ooh, I’m just curious.” He mocked offense again, and as you stood facing off with him, you wondered how you’d gotten here. Just a few months ago, you would’ve been swimming together, laughing your asses off in the community pool, bothering your neighbors. And for some reason you didn’t feel any remorse for that lost experience. You had a great time, with all of your friends tonight.

“Mark’s house.” You answered with a nonchalant shrug, seeming to frustrate the boy beside you even further. “He had a bunch of us over to hang out.”

“And who is us?”

“Why do you care?”

“Just curious.”

“Alright, well my mom wanted me home by eleven, and you’ve held me up past curfew.” You showed your phone display of 11:03.

Taeyong stepped out of your way with a polite bow, “My bad.”

“Yeah, it is.” Sicheng grumbled, pushing you down the sidewalk towards your house again.

Taeyong’s friends yelled out all their own goodbyes, but not a single one came from the boy you had just been talking to. At your doorstep, Sicheng apologized to your mom for you being out past your curfew, and she shooed him away affectionately. After giving your friend a wave as he started down the street to his own house, you cast one last glance over to Taeyong’s driveway. He was still watching you from the pop-up chair he was sitting on.

Sitting at your chair in art, you gave Chenle a friendly hello, side-eyeing Sicheng who was on your other side. Originally there wasn’t a seat there, but since you started hanging out again, Sicheng had moved his chair next to yours, almost seamlessly blending into your dynamic with Chenle. But you were still upset that he was trying to protect you just from the world. You were a big girl, you could handle yourself.

“Morning, Y/N!” Chenle chirped, spreading out his colored pencils in varying shades of orange. The current assignment in art was to use only one color in your drawing, no restrictions on the subject matter—other than being school-appropriate.

“Morning, LeLe, Sicheng.” You’d chosen red for yourself, but despite swatching all of your pastels and testing out how they blended and techniques, you still didn’t know what to draw. Beside you, Sicheng mumbled a good morning as well, clearly not fully awake as he brought out his blues, still blinking sleep out of his eyes.

Dumbest entered then, accompanied by Dumb, who you also knew to be in this class. You only briefly glanced at them, letting your eyes slide back down to your blank paper.  

You needed inspiration.

Seeing Taeyong’s friends had prompted you to mindlessly open your phone, angling it so that only you could see what you were staring at, your homescreen. Your lockscreen had cycled through photos of you and your new friends as you got more—it was currently a picture taken the other night at Mark’s pool party of you, Jisung, and Renjun—but your homescreen was still stuck on that photo of you and Taeyong at his birthday party. You hadn’t seen a smile like that from him in months. His hair was brown in that photo, but you couldn’t get the fiery visage of his current red hair out of your vision. And you had chosen red for your color.  

You felt like such a cliché as you put down your phone and picked up a pencil. Starting your sketch, you veered away from your instincts to draw your (ex?)-friend or something that reminded you of him, and instead designed a desert sunset, already imagining how your sunlight would paint the whole landscape in dripping reds and brilliant pinks.

Humming along to your music that you had playing through your headphones, you were focused and pleasantly distracted for the whole period, not even realizing that it was time to go until Sicheng tapped your arm. Seeing everyone else packing up and leaving, you did the same, saying goodbye to Chenle, whose next class was on the other side of the school, meaning that he had to book it every day. Sicheng was able to wait for you, as you normally walked to his locker together after class. Which you also did today, wanting to just forget about this past weekend. That was how Sicheng was, and you knew that he did it because he cared.

Leaning against the locker beside his, you asked your friend how his drawing was coming along, listening as he complained about how it was starting to make him hate the color blue. You chuckled, mind still with your homescreen.

“Hey, Y/N, that’s my locker.” A voice said politely, and you snapped your head over to look at the owner of it.

Jung Jaehyun—or, Yoonoh—hadn’t talked to you in years, but his voice and his looks were still undeniably him. You blinked once, twice, three times, before managing to peel yourself off the locker, “Sorry.”

Waiting behind Sicheng, you couldn’t help but sneak peeks at your other childhood friend. He opened his locker with a deft hand, swapping out what seemed to be his only two folders. Despite the temperature outside, he had on a heavy patch-covered jean jacket, styled to mimic those of a biker gang. The content of the patches themselves were harmless, but they still gave off the desired “bad boy” vibe he was surely going for.

Yoonoh turned around, flashing you a dimpled smile that you hadn’t seen in years. “See you guys later!”

And with that, he joyfully disappeared down the halls.

Several weeks later, you were running late for your last period. You were caught up talking to Mark at your lockers and completely forgot that you normally don’t go to your locker before history because it was on the other side of the fucking school. And now you were speed-walking through the halls, teachers suspiciously looking at you through their doors as they were at the front of their rooms, already teaching. Mrs. Oh was not going to be happy with you.

You were jumbling your sketchbook, history textbook, and three-subject history notebook when you looked up for a moment, surprised at who you saw at the end of the hallway. Taeyong glanced up from his phone, lips quirking up into a smile as he tucked his phone away, clearly waiting for you to approach him. Well, you had nothing to lose.

“Hey, Taeyong.” You greeted him sweetly.

“What are you doing not in class?” He questioned, watching as your books kept slipping in your grip.

“I spent too long at my locker, I’m not skipping or anything.”

“Well, of course. You’re a good student.”

Right as your sketchbook fell from the top of the stack in your hands, Taeyong reached out and grabbed it. You went to thank him for catching it, but stopped as you watched him open it, flipping through the pages. Shifting your weight between your legs, you sighed awkwardly as he stopped to look at all of them intently.

“Aw, you're drawing me? That's sweet.” He finally commented, looking at you with a prideful smirk.

“I actually drew me, and you, and Jaehyun, and Sicheng. The assignment was childhood, so I drew a childhood photo.” You guessed which one he was looking at, reaching out for your sketchbook, not wanting him to see any further. But Taeyong took a step back, keeping your book out of your reach.

“I meant, this one.” He flipped it around to reveal your sketch for your new assignment, loss. It was a 3/4 view of Taeyong from the side that didn't have the slit eyebrow, his head thrown back in laughter and eyes turned up into the cutest crescents as his mouth was stretched into a wide smile. Something that you hadn't seen in a long time. You hadn’t started coloring it yet, but when you did, you planned on using a medium golden brown for his hair, his natural hair color.

You stopped your attempts to get your sketchbook back, just thankful that his friends weren't around. Dumbest would probably never let you live it down. Crossing your arms, you just stood still, waiting for Taeyong to be done with whatever point he was trying to make.

“It's really good, Y/N.” He complimented you, only sincerity in his voice.

“Thanks.”

He shut the sketchbook before handing it back to you and stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. “I'll see you later, okay?”

“Okay.” You were left feeling emotionally confused as he walked away, flashing you one more smile over his shoulder before he walked out the front doors of the school. It was the first time you’d heard him be so genuine and just… not greasy around you in a long time.

After that encounter, you figured that maybe your friendship was Taeyong was on the upswing, that you could rekindle it again. That's why when he showed up at your locker before school the next morning—accompanied by Yukhei—you didn't think twice about letting your old nickname for him slip past your lips. “Morning, Yonggie!”

There was immediately a snicker from the taller boy, and you noticed your neighbor's eyes darken. “Don't fucking call me that!” He snapped forcefully, making you flinch. “I'm not your dumb little five-year-old friend anymore, okay?”

“Okay.” You replied monotonously, turning back to your locker to robotically switch out your folders. “I won't call you Yonggie anymore, but don't try to pull this ‘bad boy’ shit on me, Taeyong. I know you're not like this.”

As you closed your locker you saw that he still hadn't moved. You leaned back against your locker, prompting him to speak again. “You don’t know me, but you think you do, huh? Probably because you’re like fucking obsessed with me or something, drawing me and shit—”

Yukhei’s dark eyes watching as Taeyong pretty much humiliated you in the middle of the halls was the breaking point to trigger hot tears to prick at your eyes. Despite becoming a “bad boy,” Taeyong was never such a callous jerk to you, and it hurt more than it should have. It was then that you looked up from your shoes, watery eyes locking with his and halting his next sentence.  

“You’re not a ‘bad boy,’ Lee Taeyong. You're just an asshole.” You spat out, pivoting on your heel to storm out of the commons, brushing by a very confused Chenle and Mark.

You didn’t want to go to your first class and have to see Dumb and Dumbest, who would probably be told of that incident by a gleeful Yukhei or Taeyong. Instead, you felt yourself turning away from your first period, your feet carrying you to the back of the school. As you turned the corner, your eyes landed on exactly who you had expected to be there.

“Hey, Jisung.” You offered him half of a smile, plopping yourself down behind him in the shade created by the building.

His eyebrows shot up, watching you with interest as you settled against the brick of the building, “How did you know I was out here?”

“Chenle had mentioned that you hung out here during first sometimes.”

“Ah,” Your friend nodded, unzipping his backpack to tug out a book that he then held out to you. “Here, the poems you leant me.”

“Thanks.” You tucked the book away into your own bookbag, thankful that he had remembered to give it back to you after he had borrowed it for his poetry unit in his Literature class.

“So what are you doing out here?”

“Didn’t want to go to first.”

“Fair enough.” Jisung then brought out two granola bars, offering one out to you. “Hungry?”

You accepted it wordlessly, and both of you were silent as you ripped open your packages and quietly ate the food. Just being in the company of someone who you knew wasn’t judging you at all was satisfying enough to you. You knew that he was curious, but Jisung was never one to push you about anything, he was very much a go-with-the-flow kind of person when it came to you, which you appreciated very much.

“Jisungie.”

“Hm?”

“Why do you sit out here all by yourself?”

“I like the quiet.”

A frown found its way to your face, “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be, I don’t mind sitting out here with you. You’re not loud and annoying like the others.” He reassured you, also dissing your other friends.

“What do you even have first period?”

“I’m supposed to be in math, but my schedule got messed up and I was put in a boom-boom math class instead of AP Calculus, so I figured there’s no reason to go.”

“Fair enough.”

“So what do you have now?”

“Art, with Chenle and Sicheng.”

“Why aren’t you there?”

“I can sketch out here.” You shrugged noncommittally, taking your sketchbook and pencil case from your bag.

“Is Sicheng still… you know?”

With a mere roll of your eyes, Jisung already knew the answer to that question, yes. He gave you a look that was between a sympathetic smile and second-handedly embarrassed grimace, “Could be worse, he could be like… madly in love with you or something.”

“That’s just gross, Jisung.” You scoffed, but nonetheless he had managed to make you smile a little bit.

Your younger friend was grinning too, hand reaching towards your sketchbook, waiting for permission. Figuring that you could trust him to be the least teasing about the contents of it, you placed it in his pleading hand. His eyes hungrily scanned the pages, gracing each one carefully before flipping to the next. A small, sharp intake of air passed by his lips, the situation being quiet enough that you could hear it, and you knew what page he’d gotten to. Once Jisung had finished, he handed the book back to you.

Finally, he spoke, “You must really miss him.”

“Yeah, I do.” You answered honestly, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“He must have been pretty great to have you like this.” Jisung mused, patting your knee comfortingly. “Tell me about him.”

And for the first time in a long time you let yourself think about Lee Taeyong, and how he had been there through your entire life and was such an important part of you. You let yourself reminisce in your happy memories with him, recounting infinite playdates and sleepovers and move nights and birthdays and school projects and school dances and concerts and picnics and most anything else you could think of. Jisung was a good listener, not once interrupting you or adding in his own opinion. If you ever tried to talk about Taeyong—especially in such a positive way—around Sicheng, you knew that he would have immediately shut you down. Even if you weren’t sure that you’d ever be able to spend quality time with Taeyong again, it was still nice to imagine and daydream every once in a while. Your chest would constrict and swell painfully with each fond memory you replayed in your mind, a bittersweet tinge that flowered out through your whole body. You could feel how much you missed him even in your fingertips.

When your rambling had come to a close, or at least a stopping point of some kind, Jisung let out a long, low whistle, “Shit.”

You laughed breathlessly, “I know.”

“Is he why you’re out here?”

“Yeah, actually. He said some stuff… and just humiliated me in front of one of his asshole buddies.” You shrugged, proud that your voice only wavered a little bit.

“I would normally tell you to forget about him, but that’s your whole life in one person. So like—” Jisung shrugged too, and you were thankful for his simple honesty. “Just don’t let him bother you that much now, I guess. I don’t have much advice to offer other than that you should be happy, however you want to achieve that.”

A smile tugged at your mouth, and you let go of your legs to gratefully squeeze his forearm, “Thanks, Jisungie.”

“Okay, so while you’re here, do you think you could help me with this poetry analysis?”

When you got to lunch, Sicheng was silently fuming, and you could tell that this period wouldn’t be a peaceful one for you. You took your seat beside, not even attempting a bright greeting, mumbling, “Hey, Sicheng.”

“What the fuck happened this morning?” Despite his words being harsh, his voice was still soft and caring. You couldn’t tell who exactly he was angrier at, you or Taeyong.

“How much do you know?”

“That you weren’t in first period, and that Yuta called you obsessed with Taeyong and stalking him, and that Chenle said he saw you running away from Taeyong and Yukhei crying this morning.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“Y/N.”

“I don’t need you to try to fix me or my problems again, Sicheng!” You snapped, throwing down your bag of chips, surely breaking most of them. “Do you know how to leave well enough alone?”

He was quiet, chewing on his lip apprehensively at the chastising you had just given him, looking very much like a kicked puppy. With a sigh, you ran a reassuring hand through his hair once, debating about whether to actually tell him or not.

“It’s just—” As you went to tell him, a couple more boys sat at your table, the smaller of the two flashing you a familiar smirk. Dumbest and Dumb were not who you wanted to see in that moment, your eyes habitually rolling at their presence.

“Not pleased to see us, Y/N?” Dumbest quirked an eyebrow up mischievously.

“Why would I pleased about having to see your face more than is absolutely necessary?” You snorted, popping a chip in your mouth before offering one out to Dumb, who was the least worse in your opinion. He was never overtly rude to you like the other two, he just seemed to be along for the ride.

Dumbest went to reach out for one too, but you jerked the bag away from him, encouraging a small whine to leave his throat, “You’re mean.”

Giving him a ‘do you think I really care what you think of me’ look, you held the bag back out to Dumb. He took one, chewing it thoughtfully before speaking up, “TY wants to talk to you.”

Your eyebrows shot up as Sicheng startled in his seat, mouth opening to reply for you, but you beat him to it, spitting out, “If TY wants me to even fucking consider even giving him the goddamn time, he has to come ask me himself, not send his lackeys like he’s some crime boss whose time is too precious to waste on me.”

They didn’t seem to have any good reply to that, sharing a stunned look before getting up and leaving your table. You rounded on Sicheng, still a little bitter, “See? I can handle myself.”

Taeyong never ended up coming to your lunch table, and so you left with Donghyuck and Jeno, your destination being your next class that you all shared, Finance.

When you arrived in History, you saw Taeyong before he saw you, the scarlet mess on his head acting as a loud siren alerting you that he was there. You stopped just outside the door, shoving your sketchbook into your backpack as a precaution. As you walked in, your eyes briefly looked to the back, where Sicheng’s desk was still empty as he hadn’t arrived yet. You could sit with him. But your curiosity got the best of you, and your feet guided you to your assigned seat, gingerly sitting in your chair. You had already determined that you wouldn’t say the first word. If Taeyong really wanted to talk to you, he would.

Setting your notebook on your desk, you reached over to grab a pencil as well, anticipating the lecture for the day. He glanced over at you, trying to gauge how angry you were. You kept a stoic look, briefly glancing at him before refocusing on the board.

“Hey,” He said, so soft that you would have missed it if it weren’t for your entire being hyper-focusing on him.

You had meant to just flit your eyes over and back again, but they got caught on his, and you couldn’t break the eye contact. Despite the slits in the brow over one of them, his eyes were just as warm, familiar, and safe as you remembered them being.

“Hey.” You croaked out, gripping your pencil tightly in your hand.

“I know that you want to pay attention to the lecture,” Taeyong continued, and you weren’t sure where he was going with it until his next couple of sentences. “So uhm, do you think we could hang out after school? I really need to talk to you and apologize and… you know.”

You took several breaths, pretending as if you were ruminating on his offer, but your mind had already been made up as soon as the words left his mouth.  

“Can you take me home afterwards?”

“Of course.”

You nodded, “Okay, yeah, I’ll go with you. We can talk.”

“Thank you so much!” He grinned, placing his palms flat on the desk, as if he was going to push himself up and leave.

You grabbed his arm, halting his escape attempt, “If you actually stay for this class.”

He raised the slit eyebrow, waiting to see how serious about it you were. After you still hadn’t let him go, he conceded, plopping back into the chair. Taeyong slouched, pulling out his phone, but you reached over and turned it off.  

“And take notes.”

“I don’t have paper.”

Wordlessly, you grabbed your paper folder from your bag, taking out two sheets and setting them on his desk.

“Or a pencil.”

You handed him the one you already had in your hand before fetching another.

Taeyong grinned as he sat forward in his seat, “Alright, so what are we on? Mongols?”

“World War I.” You snorted, patting his forearm. “You have some catching up to do, Taeyong.”

Sicheng walked in, eyes locking on yours briefly. You flashed him a defiant look, hand still resting on Taeyong’s arm. Your friend shook his head, taking the route furthest from your desk to get back to his own.

The momentary exchange didn’t go unnoticed by your neighbor. He cocked his head, watching you with interest, “Lovers’ quarrel?”

“If one more person thinks Sicheng and I are dating I’m going to break their nose.”

“Fair enough.”

“We’re fine. Friends have fights sometimes, its fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“You have bigger things to worry about than my friendship with Sicheng.” You withdrew your hand back to your own desk, giving Taeyong a subtle reminder of the fact that you were still hurt over what he had done this morning.

He nodded in assent, a sheepish smile coming to his features, “You’re right.”

When Mrs. Oh walked in and saw Taeyong at his desk, a pencil in hand and paper at the ready, you swear she almost burst into tears. Or had a heart attack, you couldn’t quite tell which. Despite not having been to class in months, he seemed to still have a good grasp of what was going on in history, even when the teacher would call back to lessons from weeks ago. 

You were attentive as Mrs. Oh lectured, clicking through her PowerPoint as she went. Your hand was cramping by the end of class, but you were left with a huge grin plastered across your face. Not only did Mrs. Oh always make lectures fun, but just having Taeyong near you again was having a positive effect on you. It was kind of embarrassing how nice it felt just to be with him again, but you couldn’t help it. He was your entire life up until now, what else were you supposed to feel about him?

The bell rang, and Mrs. Oh gave a goodbye to everybody as most kids immediately stormed out of the classroom. You quickly put your things away, accepting your pencil back from Taeyong, silently proud of how many notes he had actually taken. He used both sheets you gave him, almost as much as you had used in your notebook. To your surprise and Taeyong’s, Sicheng stopped in front of your desk pair, seemingly waiting for you so that you could walk home together as you normally did.

“Ah, Sicheng, I’m not going home yet, so you can go ahead without me.” You tried to make it as nonchalant and vague as you could, not wanting him to think that you were blowing him off for Taeyong. Which was pretty much what you were doing, but you figured that Sicheng could walk home alone for once. But the fact that Taeyong was also waiting for you didn’t do anything to help your attempt at not insinuating that you were going with him.

“Where are you going?” He questioned, sounding more curious than offended, thankfully. A good question, as ever since you’d gone to boba to study together that one afternoon, you had walked home together.

Taeyong answered, slinging an arm around your shoulders, “We’re getting boba!”

That was when Sicheng’s mood took a turn for annoyed. His eyes were glued to the other boy’s arm as he gave a monotonous goodbye, pivoting on his heel to exit as quickly as possible.

“Was that really necessary, Taeyong?” You scowled at him, wriggling out from under his shoulder before leading the way out of the classroom.

He jogged to catch up to you, matching your quick pace. “The poor dude clearly has a crush on you.”

“And what does that matter to you?”

“You said that you were just friends, don’t you want him to not be crushing on you?”

“Of course, but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.” Your scowl was still on your features as you shoved the front doors open, not holding it open for Taeyong, half-hoping they would slam in his face. “Besides, you don’t even know for sure that he does. He just thinks of me as his little sister, nothing else.”

“Alright, alright.” Taeyong relented, then called out your name.

“What?” You snapped, whipping around to look at him.

He pointed to the side parking lot, “My car’s over there.”

Letting out a frustrated huff, you followed Taeyong to his car, a blue sedan that you’d seen parked in his driveway every day since his 18th birthday. You’d been in it plenty of times before, making the passenger seat a familiar space to you. He said nothing as he started the engine, whatever was playing on his phone before immediately blaring through the speakers. After turning it down, he reversed out of his space and left the parking lot.

You couldn’t even look out the window, knowing that you’d surely pass by Sicheng walking home. So your eyes trained on your hands as they rested in your lap, fidgeting with your phone case. Taeyong had one hand on the steering wheel, the other messing with the air conditioning to make the car a comfortable temperature.

When you had reached the boba place, Taeyong managed to find a parking spot a little further down the street. The sidewalks were packed as usual, a few people jostling you as you went by. Your companion put an arm around your shoulders again, a familiar gesture. In the past, he would do that almost every time you went out together in a busy place, so that he didn’t lose you. Inside the shop, he immediately took his arm back, giving you a polite nod to get in line before him.

You were finally settled at a table, sipping on your tea that Taeyong had insisted on buying for you. You weren’t sure if it was a bribe or just him being genuinely nice. You hoped for the second one.

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong started, fingertip messing with the condensation already forming on his cup. “For yelling at you this morning and making stuff up and embarrassing you in front of Yukhei… and also the whole commons. I’m also sorry for how I’ve been treating you this school year. I miss you a bunch, Y/N. It’s not the same without my best friend.”

Looking up from where you had been pushing the boba around with your straw, you took a moment to look at Taeyong’s face. Despite the red hair, eyebrow slits, lip piercing, leather jacket, ripped jeans, and how much he’d matured over the years, you could still faintly recognize the little kid you’d grown up with. He looked starkly different even just from a year ago, you remarked. But the genuine remorse in his features softened whatever bad boy exterior he was going for, and you felt a twist in your chest. Your heart was still pulling you towards him, reminding you of how much you’d missed your friend in these months.

“I forgive you, Taeyong.” You finally uttered, and relief flashed across his face briefly, but his brows were still furrowed, waiting for your answer to his unspoken question. “And I think, that we can be best friends again.”

And that was all it took for a huge grin to take over his lips, his entire face brightening up at your acceptance of his friendship. Returning his grin with a small smile of your own, you brought your straw back to your lips, sucking up the beads at the bottom of your cup, accompanied by the sweet drink you’d chosen.

“So what movie do you want to watch tonight?” Taeyong suddenly asked, and you gave him a strange look.

“What?”

“Tonight, my house, you and me. What movie?”

You shook your head, “I can’t, I have plans.”

“What? With who?”

“Sicheng and Kun.”

“But we’re—” He was absolutely bewildered, and you cut him off with a strong yet gentle counter.

“You can’t just assume that we’re hanging out, Taeyong.” You explained, not missing the way his bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly into the tiniest pout. “If we’re going to be friends again, you need to understand that I have other friends now too.”

He sighed in defeat, and you reached over the table to affectionately ruffle his hair, feeling satisfied as he leant into your touch, the pout nearly disappearing.

“Maybe you should see if some of your friends can hang out tonight. You and I can do something this weekend, okay?”

“Okay.” Taeyong relented as you withdrew your hand, picking up your drink again.

“I cannot believe you agreed to go out with him.” Sicheng was despondent as you sat with him and Kun on the latter’s couch, some random sitcom playing as the three of you ate snacks and scrolled on your phones in the same vicinity as each other. Sometimes it was nice to just do absolutely nothing together.

“Will you just leave it be?” You groaned from where you were watching Chenle’s Snapchat story of Jisung pushing Mark into his own pool, using Kun’s lap as a footrest. “You say it as if it was a date and we made out or fucked or something. We got boba and talked and agreed to try to be friends again. Why are you being so pissy about it?”

“Because he’s bad news, Y/N.”

“Kun-Kun.”

“Nope, I am not getting involved in this.” Your other friend shook his head, already having learned that taking sides in this friendship dynamic ended badly for him in some way.

“I just want to ask you a question.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“Do you think people can change?”

“Of course.”

You gave a pointed look to Sicheng—who was on Kun’s other side—at his answer. Both of your phones were forgotten as he retorted, “That doesn’t always mean change for the better, sometimes they can change for the worse.”

“And sometimes they can change back to being good again. Right, Kun?”

Kun gave Sicheng an apologetic look before he gave in and said, “Y/N’s right, Sicheng. You can’t tell her who she can and can’t be friends with. If she thinks that Taeyong can get better and wants to befriend him again, it’s her decision. So just shut the fuck up.”

Sicheng’s betrayal was apparent in his face, but he conceded, “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay.” The microwave dinged just then, all three of you perking up before making a mad dash to the kitchen.

That weekend, Taeyong took you to the park for a picnic, something you hadn’t done since that lovely June day where he’d declared his wish to become a bad boy. You were even in the same position, his head resting in your lap and one of your hands absentmindedly played with his hair, the other on the blanket behind you, propping you up. Your friend was pointing out clouds he thought were pretty, and your head craned up to follow his fingers. It was colder than the last time you were here, making his leather jacket actually warranted for once. You had accepted the button-and-patch-covered jean jacket he’d offered you, to his surprise and delight.

The sleeves were just too long on you, occasionally hitting his face as your hand went to mess with his hair. But he didn’t complain, content with just watching clouds and holding pieces of fruit up for you to eat from his fingers, so you didn’t have to stop running your own fingers through his hair. The scarlet strands were just as soft as you remembered his brown hair being, and your eyes dropped from the sky to look at his face, fingers hovering just over his slit eyebrow.

He immediately noticed that you’d looked down at him, giving you an affectionately questioning look, “What’s up?”

“How often do you have to touch it up?” You blurted out, pad of your ring finger brushing over the shaved area, the switching between hair and bare skin being unfamiliar to you.

“Every couple of weeks. If I care enough.”

“And your hair?”

“Once a month. If I care enough.”

“Hm.” You hummed thoughtfully, eyes drifting to his lip ring.

“Here,” Taeyong seemed to know what you were looking at, grabbing the hand still stroking at his eyebrow, gently touching your fingertip to the cold metal. “It’s real this time.”

Your fingers graced over it for a moment before you returned them to his hair, gently scratching at his scalp, “Cool.”

He chuckled lightly at your simple response, pointing to another cloud drifting by.

After that day, your daily schedule had slowly come to incorporate Taeyong again. If he wanted to go to first period, he would drive you to school, giving you a goodbye at your locker before finding his own friends. 

You welcomed him and Dumber to your table in Finance—thankfully Jeno and Donghyuck had no objections, as Sicheng surely would if you ever suggested he join you at lunch—making sure he did his work. 

He was in history almost every day now, making the occasional quip during lecture that made you stifle a giggle, but he always knew when to stop and let the both of you focus on the task at hand. 

If neither you nor he had plans with your other friends after school, he would drive you back home and usually stay around for a little bit, much to both your mothers’ delight. 

Weekends usually varied between hanging out with him or your other friends. Your younger friends didn’t mind if Taeyong tagged along to lunch or a movie with you all, but in order to preserve your friendship with Sicheng, you had to hang out with either one or the other.  

Despite Taeyong getting along well with most of your new friends, you still had yet to interact with his outside of your occasional unpleasant encounters during the school day.

It was a random Wednesday that had you walking towards history with Taeyong when his phone suddenly buzzed. As he read the screen, his face lit up, and turned to you with a sheepish smile, “Hey… would you be super mad if I didn’t go to history with you today?”

“No.” You frowned thoughtfully. “Where are you going?”

“The guys and I are going to get slushies.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“You’re going to… skip?”

“Yeah.” You paused, then added quickly, “We’re just finishing up the worksheet Mrs. Oh assigned yesterday, and I got it done last night at home.”

“Oh, so you’re responsibly skipping.” He snickered fondly, patting your head.

Your eyes narrowed as a small pout took to your lips, “Would you rather I not go with you?”

“Of course not, let’s go!”

The two of you changed course, heading for the front doors of the school. As you speed-walked towards the front of the school grounds, Taeyong briefly explained what was going to happen, “Okay so Ten and I are splitting up the boys between us to drive there. Don’t worry, you’ve got shotgun in my car. Just a heads up, I’ll probably be having Yukhei, don’t let him bother you, he’s just big and dumb.”

The name Ten was unfamiliar to you, so you figured he must be one of the two you didn’t know the names of, either Dumb or Dumber. While you weren’t looking forward to spending time with Yukhei, you wanted to go into this with an open mind. Even if it was already starting off bad, with you having to enter the no-students parking lot only open to staff members. Taeyong had apparently parked in the far back corner, closest to the open gate, most likely for a quick and easy exit. A few boys were already there, gathered around a silver car parked beside Taeyong’s.

They all called out various greetings to your friend, Dumbest taking the first go at talking to you, “Our little princess is here too!”

You forced a smile, barely trying to hide your distaste of his comment, “Hello, Yuta.”

“She called me by my name!”

“You’re very lucky.” Taeyong said sarcastically, going to introduce them, pointing to the tallest one first. “That’s Johnny.”

“Dumb.” You your own nickname for him, eliciting a tiny giggle from the red-haired boy.

“And Ten.”

“Dumber.”

“And Yuta.”

“Dumbest.”

Yuta said indignantly, “I’m not the dumbest! Ten is!”

“Hey!” Ten cried out, thwacking the back of his friends’ head.

“Well, I’m honored to only be Dumb.” Johnny gave you a reassuring smile, hands stuffed in the pockets of his own leather jacket. “Despite the accuracy, why’d you call us that?”

“I never really learned your names before, so I made up my own for you.” You shrugged, not regretting your choices in the slightest.

It was then Yuta let out a whoop, looking over your shoulder at two tall figures approaching your group. Yukhei returned the whoop, even louder and deeper than his counterpart. Yoonoh shook his head at his friends’ antics, but nonetheless had a smile as he went to greet all of them.

“Y/N!” He grinned as he had finally noticed you from where you were kind of hiding on Taeyong’s other side. “Are you coming with us today?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You offered him a more genuine smile than before, clutching your books a little tighter to your chest.

Yukhei looked to Taeyong, “She’s actually skipping?”

“Yes.” You snapped before your friend could even open his mouth, angry that he wasn’t even addressing you. “I am.”

The taller boy tilted his head, taking only a moment to look you over before breaking into a wide grin, “Nice.”

“Everyone’s here. Let’s go.” Taeyong announced, moving to the driver’s side of his car. “Who am I taking?”

“Me!” Yuta practically dove for a door, throwing it open to plop into the backseat.

You wordlessly answered, opening the passenger side for yourself, not missing the fact that Yukhei had walked around to that side, a little miffed that you’d gotten there first.

“Me.” Yukhei sighed, climbing into the backseat with Yuta.

Johnny and Yoonoh were busy fighting over shotgun for Ten’s car, the former eventually relenting and letting his friend have it. Yuta seemed to be ecstatic about being in the same car as you, leaning forward over the console most of the time to try to talk to you. You engaged him, finding that even though he was a little greasy at times, he was a pretty interesting guy to have a conversation with. He suddenly yelled out, “Turn it up!” before going to turn the knob up himself anyway, immediately jamming out to the song that had previously been much quieter.

Suddenly all three boys that were in the car with you exploded into a messy chorus of yelling as they half-sang along to the song. You knew some of it too, letting yourself join in on the chaos, watching Yuta and Yukhei in the rearview mirror as they danced as best they could in their seatbelts, making wild hand gestures and headbanging so hard you were sure they were going to concuss their already scarce brain cells. But nonetheless, they were having fun, and so were you.

As you were stopped at a red light, Ten pulled up next to your car, and suddenly doors were opening, and everybody was scrambling out. Taeyong quickly put his car in park, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“What are you doing?” You yelled as he ran around, fervently opening your door to unbuckle your seatbelt too.

“Come on! The light’s going to turn green!” He didn’t explain, half-yanking you out of his car and throwing open the backseat of Ten’s to shove you in.

Just as the door closed behind him, the light turned green and both cars peeled off down the street again. You look around, gaining your bearings as you realized that there were four people squished into the backseat, Taeyong, you, Yoonoh, and Yuta, with Johnny in the driver’s seat and nobody in the passenger seat.

“You lost, Taeyong!” Yuta cackled, to which the boy on your left groaned. “I’m going to get a large!”

“At least it’s just shitty gas station slushies,” He mumbled, and his phone ringing with a call distracted him. “Hello?”

“YOU LOST!” Came the screams of the boys in the other car, and he immediately hung up.

“What just happened?” You asked quietly as he awkwardly tried to tuck his phone back into his jeans pocket.

“That was a game we like to play. If we get stuck at a red light together, everyone has to get out and run to a different seat. Last person in loses.” He explained, extracting his arm from where it was wedged uncomfortably behind his back to gently rest it on your shoulders. “So now I have to buy everyone’s slushie.”

“You trust each other to drive your cars?” You raised an eyebrow, not trusting most of these boys to drive you anywhere, much less jeopardize your own car or something.

Your friend shrugged, “Most of us have licenses.”

“I do!” Johnny reassured you cheerfully.

“But Yukhei doesn’t.” Yuta pointed to the other car as he laughed. Judging by the two boys’ distressed features, Ten was attempting to give Yukhei some kind of instruction on how to drive, but it wasn’t working very well.

“We’re almost there, it’ll be fine.” Taeyong reassured you, squeezing your shoulder.

Finally, you reached the gas station, Johnny precisely parking the car as Yukhei pulled in next to you, two-thirds of the car in the correct space and the other third in the space on his other side. At least there wasn’t anybody already in that spot, and the gas station didn’t seem to be very busy. Taeyong and Yuta opened a door on each side, allowing the cramped four of you to stumble out of the car. You stretched out your back and legs, Ten’s car being even smaller than Taeyong’s somehow, especially when you were stuffed in the backseat with Yoonoh—who was a certified giant—and two other boys that weren’t terribly small.

You followed the boys into the gas station, the loud mess of the group breaking the quiet that was in it. There was a singular cashier, a college student who very much didn’t want to be there, and two patrons, one being an old man purchasing cigarettes who scowled at you as soon as you walked in, and you nearly had a heart attack when you saw who the other person was. Immediately, you ducked behind an aisle of chips, away from where your father’s eyes had just flicked up from the candies he was browsing. Yuta gave you an interested look, following you into the aisle.

You held a finger up to your mouth, peering through the chips as your father had spotted Taeyong and Yoonoh, giving them a somewhat curt greeting, “Taeyong. Yoonoh.”

“Hello Mr. Y/L/N!” They both greeted him politely, nudging for the other boys still beside them to bow to him as well. Yuta turned to you with wide eyes and shit-eating grin.

“Isn’t school still going on?” He questioned, checking his watch. You knew that your dad liked Taeyong’s “changes” about as much as Sicheng, but thankfully wasn’t as vocal about it.

“Yes, sir.” Taeyong thankfully still knew how to address your dad and knew full-well that he wasn’t asking a question, he was making a statement.

There was another pause, in which Yuta decided that would be a good time to knock a bag of chips over, getting almost everyone’s attention. You dropped to your knees, crouching behind shelves that you knew he definitely couldn’t see you through.

“Sorry!” Yuta called out a general apology, allowing himself to be seen as he held up the bag he’d dropped. “Just getting some Doritos.”

Your father sighed, giving a polite nod to your neighbors, “See you boys later.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Y/L/N.” Taeyong and Yoonoh stepped aside to let him pass by.

You didn’t peek out from behind the chips until the door had opened and closed, cautiously looking around.

“He’s gone, Y/N.” Taeyong informed you, stepping into the aisle with you and Yuta, starting back towards the slushie machines again.

“Good,” You sighed in relief before quickly hitting the back of Yuta’s head. “Asshole.”

That didn’t deter Yuta’s grin as he laid eyes on the slushie machines, making a beeline for the biggest cup. You chose a more reasonable size, browsing the flavors.

Ten sidled up to you, hip-bumping you away from the sour green apple, “Was that your dad or something?”  

“Yeah, and I nearly just had a fucking heart attack.” You confirmed, still hearing your heart beating in your ears.

“At least your dad actually leaves the house,” He pointed out, filling up half his cup with the green slush before scooting over towards the white pina colada flavor. “My dad just sits around and drinks all day.”

“Oh,” You frowned, watching as he switched to one more flavor, the pink lemonade.

“Hey, stop that,” Ten pinched your cheek until you giggled, swatting his hand away. “I was just exaggerating. He’s not a drunk, he works from home and is honestly just kind of boring.”

“Ah, got it.” You scanned for your own choice again.

Taeyong approached you next, having noticed you debating between two flavors, “I’ll get purple, you get red and we’ll share?”

You smiled, “Sure.”

Everyone approached the counter at once, making the cashier look even more suicidal than before as he had to ring up all the different sizes as the boys were all clamoring and talking. Taeyong had finally paid for everything, giving a thank you to the employee before everyone stormed out of the store.

Both cars were unlocked and started, air conditioning blasting from both as the doors were all propped open. Yoonoh used the backseat to climb up on the roof of Taeyong’s car, and you watched with interest. He gestured for you to come up too, scooting over to give you room. You were unsure, not wanting to damage your friend’s car.

“Go on, mochi.” Taeyong reassured you with a fond half-smile, and you could feel the nickname go right to your heart. It was the first time you had heard it in months.

Assenting, you handed your cup to Taeyong to hold while you climbed up, then took it back once you were settled onto the warm roof of the car. It was perhaps a little too cold outside for slushies, but nonetheless everyone was joyously sipping on the frozen drink. Once your tongue was appropriately red, you tapped Taeyong’s shoulder from where he was leaning against his car beside your legs.

“Trade?” You held out your cup and accepted his own in return.

“Hey, Y/N?” Yukhei called for you attention, perched atop Ten’s car, dark red slushie in hand. You looked over to him attentively, waiting for him to continue. “Got any embarrassing stories about TY?”

“Plenty,” You replied, then jerked a thumb at Yoonoh. “J—Yoonoh too.”

“What did you almost call him?” Ten quickly caught onto that.

“You guys know that his birth name isn’t Yoonoh, right?”

Yuta answered accusingly, “Yeah, but he’s never told us what it is. He wouldn’t even let TY tell us.”

“What’s so embarrassing about your name?” You turned to your childhood friend, who seemed to already be preparing himself for embarrassment, with a slight frown. “I think it’s cute, Jae.”

The other boys—minus Taeyong—immediately began yelling and clambering as you had accidentally revealed the first syllable. They were all clambering for you to say his full name, but you bit your lip, shaking your head as they all pleaded. Yoonoh took a sip of his slush in distress, kicking at the boys that had actually come over to swarm the three of you on the car.

Eventually, they had calmed down again, and Yukhei brought out his backpack to reveal a surprise. Inside were about ten entire bags of chips, which he held out for people to grab. You knew that bag was empty when you went in the store and rued the fact that you had taken your eyes off of him. But you still grabbed a bag anyway, guiltily glancing at the store for a moment as you stuffed a handful in your mouth.  

Taeyong checked the time, and you peered over his shoulder at what his lockscreen was. Still that photo of him and the other boys. You felt stupid for having yours as a picture you’d taken together at the park, subconsciously shifting a couple centimeters away from him.

“Time to go.” He announced, offering you a hand to help you hop off the roof of his car. “Who am I taking home?”

“Me.” You and Yoonoh answered in unison, both making a mad dash for the passenger side door. Yoonoh was closer, but you managed to worm your smaller form in front of him, holding tightly to the handle.

“Yoon, sit in the back.” Taeyong sighed, almost sounding like a parent breaking up a fight between his kids.

“Me too!” Yukhei hopped in the back with Yoonoh. “I’m going to Jae’s house.”

“Not if you keep calling me that.” He growled, sliding into the back too.

“Why didn’t you get mad at Y/N when she called you that?”

“Because it’s habit for her, she called me that for like, thirteen years. You’re just doing it to be annoying.”

You heard yelling and rolled down your window to properly hear whatever Yuta was screaming at you as half of him was hanging out of the backseat of Ten’s car. “Bye, princess!”

You couldn’t resist giving Yuta the middle finger, receiving an overly-offended expression from the boy right before Ten left the gas station. Taeyong dropped Yukhei and Yoonoh off first, both still bickering about the fact that the latter wouldn’t reveal his birth name, and the former kept yelling out ‘Jae’ in a sing-song voice.

Taeyong pulled up into his driveway, putting the car in park but not turning it off. He wanted to talk.

You looked to him with interest, slurping up the last of the red drink before saying, “What’s up, Yonggie?”

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” He asked quietly, turning in his seat to face you completely. “You seem kind of bummed about something.”

He wasn’t wrong, the dumb issue of your phone wallpapers was still hovering in your mind. You didn’t know why you were so stuck on this, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Shaking your head, you tried to avoid answering by sucking on the straw again, but the drink was completely gone.

“Mochi,” Taeyong called out for you again. “Come on, I thought we were okay. What’s wrong?”

“It’s something dumb.” You mumbled, bringing out your phone, then holding your empty hand out towards your friend. “Can I see your phone for a second?”

“Sure.” He handed it over, and you turned both on, placing them next to each other on the console, lockscreens on display.  

“I don’t get it, Y/N.”

“Never mind…”

“No, Y/N, what’s bothering you?”

“I have my lockscreen as a picture of the two of us, but you don’t.”

He chuckled, reaching a hand out to tenderly tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, “Here.”

You looked to where he had picked up his phone again, opening it to reveal his homescreen to you. It was a picture of you two laughing as you were on his back in Mark’s pool. You could remember exactly what you were doing, teaming up against Chenle, who had splashed you two while you were just chilling out together in the shallow end. According to your younger friend, you were being boring, and he had to fix that. Jisung had taken the picture, having become your unofficial photographer since you had started bringing Taeyong to more hangouts with them. He said that he liked to see you smiling so much, so he wanted to take more pictures of you two together like that.

A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth as you reminisced, and the present Taeyong spoke up, “You want to know why it’s my homescreen?”

“Why?” You entertained him, knowing he would tell you either way.

“Because that’s where the special stuff goes. The stuff I only want me seeing, not just anybody who turns on my phone.”

“Oh.” Finally, the grin cracked across your face at his honest—if somewhat cheesy—reasoning.

Taeyong then turned the car off, “Are we good?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

When you trudged into your house just a few minutes later, you were greeted by your dad, who was eating the M&Ms he had just purchased less than an hour prior.

“Hey, Y/N.” He offered the package out to you, but you politely declined, the sugary slushies still sloshing in your stomach.

“Hi Dad. How was work?” You asked, setting your bookbag down on the kitchen counter to retrieve your binders for the classes you had homework in.

“I saw Taeyong and Jaehyun today.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, at the gas station by your school. But it was during school hours.”

“Okay? Why are you telling me this?”

“I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that you and Sicheng turned out the best out of the four of you.”

“Uh, thanks.” You coughed awkwardly, starting towards your room. “I’ve got homework, see you at dinner!”

Taeyong hadn’t wanted to go to first period that morning, which you couldn’t blame him for, he had the same “boom-boom” math class as Jisung, which neither of them really belonged in. So after saying goodbye to Sicheng at the front of the school—he had to talk to one of his teachers about making up a quiz—you went to your locker. Mark and Chenle weren’t there yet, but someone else was. You approached the large boy with an eyebrow raised, not quite sure why Wong Yukhei was leaning against your locker, alone.

“Morning, Yukhei!” You were friendly, despite the anxiety crawling through your veins. No matter how much you’d been hanging out with Taeyong and his friends recently, Yukhei never failed to unsettle you. You just couldn’t be comfortable around him.

He moved away from your locker to allow you to twist it open, still not speaking.

“So what’s up?” You spoke up again, fingers stiff as you entered your combination.

“Stay away from TY.”

You nearly dropped the binder you had just grabbed, whipping around to glower at him, “Excuse me?”

“He’s heads-over-heels for you, Y/N.” His deep voice was practically a whine. “It’s making him lame again.”

“Listen here, Wong Yukhei.” You spat, taking a step closer to him as your blood boiled just below your skin. “You have no fucking right to tell me who I can or can’t hang out with, or Taeyong either, for that matter. If you can’t stand that Taeyong and I are friends again, I really don’t fucking care. Because I don’t fucking care about any of your opinions for that matter. So just shut up and fuck off.”

You hadn’t meant to dig into him so deep, but it had clearly worked, as he took a respectful step back, ducking his head. When it came back up, there was half a smirk there as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, “See you around, Y/N.”

You let out a scoff, still not sure what his exact purpose for that confrontation was. But he left you alone, which was really all you wanted. Practically slamming your locker shut, you turned again to be met by the awe-filled faces of Chenle and Mark.

“I counted four ‘fucks’ in that.” Chenle held up the same number of fingers. “I expected more, actually.”

“Chenle.” Mark scolded the younger boy, opening his own locker up. “You good, Y/N?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little pissed off is all.”

“What’d he say?”

“He told me to stay away from Taeyong.” You snorted, waiting patiently for him to switch out his school things. “Because apparently he’s ‘heads-over-heels for me,’ and I’m ‘making him lame again.’”

Chenle spoke up with a snicker, “I don’t know about the lame part, but he’s got most of that right.”

“What do you mean?”  

“Oh, are you not aware that both of you have giant, obvious crushes on each other?”

Mark was holding back a laugh too as he turned around, “Seriously, you didn’t know?”

Now your own friends were annoying you, “I don’t like him like that, and he doesn’t like me like that! We’re just best friends, okay?”

“And you two stopped being best friends for like, six months. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Oh so then you won’t mind me leaving right now.” With that, you gripped your books tighter in your grip and left the commons, your friends still giggling together.

Jisung was in his normal spot behind the school, watching you with interest again as you sat beside him.  

“You seem to only want to hang out with me when you’re in emotional distress.” He stated, offering you another granola bar.

“Why do you think I’m in emotional distress?” You ripped the packaging open violently, causing the bar to fall out and immediately become caked with dirt. A frustrated screech came from your throat as you kicked it away.

“That’s why.”

“Fucking mind reader.” You glared at him as he calmly reached into his bag for another granola bar, opening it for you before handing it to you. Accepting it, you took a bite, taking your time in chewing it as you tilted your head back to rest it against the brick. You consciously tried to deepen your breaths, syncing them up with Jisung’s calmer ones. Despite your heartrate going down, your brain was still focused on what Yukhei, Chenle, and Mark had all said this morning.

“Jisungie?”

“Yes?”

“Do I have a crush on Taeyong?”

He clearly didn’t seem to be expecting that, the most confused expression on his face when you rolled your head over to look at him. Your friend took quite a few moments to think, eyes flitting around everywhere.

“Ah, uhm… I don’t- I don’t think I’m the right person, for you to ask about that? I don’t think anybody is?” He ran a hand through his hair, fingers fidgeting with his empty granola bar wrapper. “Why?”

“Chenle said that Taeyong and I have crushes on each other. But I don’t know.”

“Well, I can at least tell you that Taeyong cares for you. A lot. Like holy shit, that boy is so soft for you he’s like a freaking stuffed animal around you.”

Jisung’s comparison of your “bad boy” friend to a stuffed animal brought a fond smile to your face, one that had you freezing for a moment. Did you… maybe… have a crush on Taeyong?

“But seriously Y/N, I can’t tell you for sure one way or the other about your feelings for him or his feelings for you. That is way out of my mind-reading abilities.”

Letting out a sigh, you opened your phone, eyes glued to your lockscreen. The picture made your chest swell, a different bittersweet pain than before, when you just missed your best friend. Instead, it felt like you were longing for something different from him.

Your screen lit up with a message, which you quickly opened.

[yonggie: you’re at school, right?]

[you: uh, yeah, why?]

[yonggie: can you miss your second and maybe also third and fourth classes?]

[you: for what?]

[yonggie: me, duh]

[yonggie: and also for brunch]

You mulled over his offer. Any other day you’d say yes, but there was just so much churning in your mind that everything else felt numb and tired. Apparently, you’d spent too long thinking it over, because your phone buzzed with another message from him.

[yonggie: please? i want to tell you something really important]

[yonggie: like, super important]

[yonggie: y/n]

[yonggie: mochi ❤💕💞💗💓❣💝💘💖💞❣❤💗💓💞💕💕]

With reluctant fingers but a determined heart, you typed out your short and curt reply.

[you: i can’t. big test in third]

Then turned off your phone.

After you’d denied Taeyong’s brunch request, there was yet another shift in your relationship. It felt different but familiar. It felt how it did a year or two ago, but not how it was recently. And you even felt yourself almost start avoiding him, planning things with Sicheng or your other friends weeks in advance so that you’d have a reason to say no to Taeyong wanting to hang out. You mostly accepted his offers if he specified that some of his other friends would be there, too afraid of what you would do if you had to be alone with him.  

Were you running from your feelings? Abso-fucking-lutely.

This specific weekend, you’d planned for boba with Sicheng and Kun, the former having to back out because of a family vacation, but you didn’t mind spending the day with only Kun. He was just as much your friend as anybody else in the small group. You’d gotten the drinks to go, wanting to walk around and window shop together.

Your arm was linked with his, not a strange occurrence for you to be doing with any of your friends. Kun had just pointed out a rather ridiculous piece of clothing in a shop window, making the both of you giggle. Taking a sip of your drink, you chewed thoughtfully on the beads as he told you a story from his childhood that the garment had reminded him of. Something to do with his grandmother and his younger brother. You weren’t quite paying attention, eyes having locked onto the bright red back of someone’s head. It could be anybody, Taeyong wasn’t the only person ever who could dye his hair red.

As you approached the man with the tuft of red hair, you managed to focus back in on Kun’s story just in time to hear the funny ending, laughing at the appropriate time. Kun laughed a little harder than you did, eyes shut tight just in time to accidentally bump into the redhaired man, who was most definitely Taeyong.

“Oh, sorry!” Kun said, eyes widening when he saw who it was. “Hey Taeyong! Small city, huh?”

“Hey, Yonggie!” You greeted him cheerfully, precisely removing your arm from Kun’s to hug Taeyong, then keep it back at your own side. “What are you out here doing?”

“Just walking around, actually.” He replied nonchalantly, and you didn’t catch the way he seemed to force his eyes to dim as he looked at you.

“Ah, us too! You want to join us? We’re heading towards the riverwalk.”

Taeyong glanced at Kun, as if for permission or something before shrugging, “Sure.”

So the three of you continued, falling into an easy conversation. The river was beautiful as always, only adding to the peace you were convincing yourself to feel. You were hanging out with two of your good friends, and that’s all that either of them were. Your friends. Platonic.  

You were in the middle of snickering with Taeyong over a quip he made about your Finance teacher—whom everybody hated—when you realized that Kun hadn’t said anything in a while. Bringing your head back up from where it was resting on Taeyong’s shoulder as you both leaned your elbows on the railing, you frowned when you couldn’t find Kun.

“He said he was going to the bathroom like, five minutes ago.” Taeyong informed you, sounding amused at your obliviousness.

You rested your head back on his shoulder, eyes skimming over the peaceful water below you before stopping at the railing where your arms were placed. Your hand was only a couple centimeters from Taeyong’s, the tiniest of jerks would make them touch. And you had the urge to just hold his hand, intertwine your fingers with his and feel whole.

Biting your lip, you were contemplating saying something, finally addressing the elephant in the room. But you heard footsteps nearing, and instead stood up straight, turning to face your friend who was returning, three steaming cups in hand.

“Kun-Kun!” You greeted him probably too enthusiastically, welcoming the distraction.

“I got us all some hot chocolate,” Kun explained, offering you each a drink. “I figured it was chilly enough.”

“Thanks, dude.” Taeyong took one too, and you watched his slender fingers wrap around the cup.

After finishing the hot chocolate and walking around a little more, Taeyong offered to throw them all out, leaving you and Kun sitting at a picnic table near the river.

“I would complain about third-wheeling, but you two aren’t dating, are you?” Kun suddenly teased, and you couldn’t even muster up an angry glare for him.

“No, we’re not.” You mumbled, stuffing your hands in the jean jacket you had kept since Taeyong leant it to you at the park forever ago.

“Isn’t that his jacket?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he like you?”

“I think he did… but I ruined it.”

Kun shook his head, scooting a little closer to readjust the collar of your shirt affectionately, “I think… that he’s still heads-over-heels for you, Y/N.”

You sighed, observing Taeyong laugh and hide his face as he had gotten pulled into conversation with some pretty girl by the trash can, feeling your heart sink. “I don’t know.”

Some random Friday after that found you laying on your bed, half-paying attention to the textbook you were meant to be taking notes from as you hummed along to the music you were playing from your computer.

“Y/N.” Your mother called for you from down the hall, and you looked up to your doorway as you heard her approaching footsteps.

“Yes?” You questioned, her figure appearing there.

“Why aren’t you at Taeyong’s house?”

“Because he didn’t invite me over?”

“His mom says his friends are over, aren’t you two friends again?”

“Yes.” You answered, utterly confused as to why she was grilling you about not hanging out with Taeyong at this specific moment. “But I’m not going to just invite myself over to his house.”

“You used to just get up and go over there all the time.”

“What do you want, Mom?”

“It’s Taeyong’s mom…” She seemed disheartened, sighing as she looked down at her phone screen.

“Is Mrs. Lee requesting I come over?”

“Yes, she’s worried.”

“Alright.” You pushed yourself off your bed, throwing a big, worn zip-up hoodie on over your t-shirt and old pair of gym shorts.

“Thanks, sweetie.” Your mom followed you to the door, and you gave some kind of affirmative grumble as you slipped on a pair of flip-flops to start the short trek.

At the Lees house, you had barely knocked once when the door was thrown open by a very apprehensive-looking Mrs. Lee, “Oh, Y/N! Thank you for coming!”

“Uh, thank you for having me?” You let her usher you inside, looking around for evidence of Taeyong’s ‘bad boy’ gang.

“They’re in the spare room.” She informed you, to which you nodded in understanding.

You showed yourself to the spare room in the back, knowing this house just as well as your own. The door was cracked open, allowing the music playing from within to spill out. Pushing it open, you scanned the room to take a mental roster of who all was there. The faces of Yukhei, Yoonoh, Johnny, Ten, and Yuta were all looking up at you from their various places on the couch, armchairs, and floor.

“What are you doing here?” Yuta questioned.

“Looking for Taeyong.” You answered simply, glancing around the room again.

Yoonoh spoke up, sharing an awkward look with Johnny and Ten, “Ah, now is not a good time for you, to uh, be here, Y/N.”

“What do you mean?”

Yukhei’s booming voice covered the other boy’s, a devilish grin on his face, “What are you talking about? I think Y/N showed up at the perfect time!”

“Yukhei, don’t.” Johnny warned, but nobody made any move to stop him as he hopped up off the couch.

Ten added in exasperation, “Wong Yukhei, can you just not be an asshole for two seconds?”

Yukhei approached you, practically leering down at you, “Here, I’ll take you to him.”

Despite every fiber of your being telling you that this was a bad idea, you let Yukhei wrap one of his long arms around your shoulders and start leading you away from the spare room. He guided you through the hallways, and you knew exactly where they led. Stopping in front of Taeyong’s bedroom, you couldn’t force yourself to take even a single breath as Yukhei’s large hand wrapped around the door handle. He gently turned it, pushing the door open silently.

And suddenly the small noises you heard coming from it before made sense. Taeyong was right there, but he wasn’t alone. It was an unfortunately familiar sight to you. Taeyong on his bed, being straddled by a half-dressed girl as their hips were sloppily grating against each other.

You felt like puking right then and there.

Yukhei still had his arm around your shoulders, and you pushed it off as you tried to squeeze past his large body that was taking up most of the narrow hallway. He couldn’t keep his laughter at bay, watching you bolt away from the horrific scene before you. You could’ve sworn you’d heard Taeyong’s voice yelling something after you, but you were already too far gone. Yoonoh and Johnny briefly tried to stop you, soothing words that you were whole-heartedly convinced were fake being said to you. But your brain couldn’t process anything, shoving off Yoonoh’s arms as he tried to grab you. The only thing on your mind was that you had to leave.

You’d finally flown out the front door, hoping that Mrs. Lee hadn’t seen you. You knew that you couldn’t go home, Taeyong would be gladly welcomed in by your mother. So you went somewhere nearby that you knew would shelter you from him and all his friends. You didn’t even go up to the front door, instead skirting around the side of the Dongs’ house to the back porch. Sicheng seemed alarmed as you came trudging through his backyard, immediately standing up from where he had been reading on a wooden rocking chair.

As you neared him, you knew that he could see the tears running down your face, and immediately went to embrace you. “Holy shit, Y/N. Come on, come in. You’re okay now. Let’s go.”

He opened his back door, walking you through it while still holding you tightly to his side with a single, gentle arm around your shoulders. His mom went to ask something as you shuffled by, but your friend gave her a look, and her mouth immediately closed, instead just watching you with concern. Sicheng finally sat you down at the head of his bed and busied himself with gathering things for you. You sat there quietly sobbing, staring down at your hands as they rested in your lap. And as you sat there in your old, worn clothes, your hair unwashed and unbrushed, a colony of pimples on your forehead, and your skin blotchy and red and tear-soaked, you felt utterly… inadequate.

Sicheng entered the room again, laying a blanket over your lap, putting more pillows behind your back, placing a box of tissues beside you, and thrusting a cold water bottle into your hands. He sat down cross-legged in front of you, reaching forward to unscrew the water bottle for you, but you roughly slapped his hand away.

“I can do it myself.” You mumbled, bringing the bottle to your lips to take a small, refreshing sip. Your friend nodded understandingly, retracting his hands.

But they didn’t stay back for long, he couldn’t help himself from readjusting your blanket, or grabbing a tissue to try to wipe at your tears. You twisted your head away from the tissue stubbornly. He gave up, but was still holding it, as if waiting for you to ask him to wipe your tears. You stuck a hand out to accept the tissue, pushing it against your squinted eyes, willing the tears to just stop. You pressed so hard that fireworks lit up behind your eyes, and you could forgive the uncomfortable pain of pushing your eyes back into your skull as you almost reveled in it. Because you were feeling something.

“Do you want to talk?” Sicheng asked quietly, and you only shook your head, fingers still buried in your eyes.

Why the fuck were you even being like this?

Taeyong was just your friend, nothing more. And you had told yourself over and over again that that was what you wanted. That was how this had to be, how it was going to be, forever.

Wong Yukhei suddenly entered your thoughts, and you truly wished for nothing more than to punch him right in his big, dumb fucking face.

Sicheng’s room was at the front of the house, meaning that you could hear someone knock on the front door. After only a second, they knocked again. Then again. Your friend stood up, telling you quietly that he’d be back. You listened as he opened the door and immediately gave a flat, “No.”

Kneeling on his bed, you peered out the blinds to see who it was. Taeyong was standing on the front porch, fidgeting anxiously as he tried to plead with the stone-faced Sicheng. “Sicheng, please, I know she’s here. She wasn’t at her house, I know she’s here.”

“Go home, Taeyong.”

“Dude, I fucked up so bad.”

“I'm sure.” Sicheng snorted, and you felt your bottom lip tremble again as Taeyong ran a hand through his hair, in clear distress.  

“Please, just let me apologize to her, that’s it.”

“No.”

“Alright, I just— Fuck!” Taeyong yelled out, kicking the outside of Sicheng’s house, slapping his hands to his face, rubbing it harshly in frustration.  

He looked up, and by chance, made eye contact with you through the blinds. You were frozen, unable to look away from his deep brown eyes, the whites of his eyes tinged with pink like yours. Had he been crying too?

He dropped his hands from his face, lips parting ever so slightly in awe before he suddenly broke the eye contact, turning back to Sicheng, even more desperate than before. “Please, let me in. Let me just see her, let me tell her how goddamn stupid I was and how sorry I am, and how much I’m absolutely, truly in—”

Sicheng cut him off harshly, and it was the coldest you had ever heard your normally caring friend’s voice become, “Leave, Taeyong. Now.”

You had already dropped the blinds you had been peeking through, falling back onto the bed. Probably discouraged by your disappearance, Taeyong obeyed the other boy’s stern command. You heard the front door shut again and pulled the blanket tighter around you. Sicheng was back in his bedroom, looking at you with pity that made your skin crawl. You appreciated him, but sometimes his care and his friendship felt suffocating and patronizing.

“I need to go home.” You sniffed, going to take the blanket off, but Sicheng stopped you, sitting across from you again.

“What the hell did he do to you, Y/N?” His voice was still hard, a frightening sound.

“Nothing. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and saw him making out with some girl.”

“Motherfucker—”

“Dong Sicheng!” You chastised him strongly, making him recoil. “It’s not like we’re dating, or even talking. He’s allowed to make out with whoever he wants, and as his friend I should support him.”

“You’re too good for him.”

You shook your head fervently at that notion, “No, no. He’s good, he really is. He’s a good, genuine, sweet guy, who is just making some bad decisions. Everybody does, it’s okay.”

He didn’t seem to share your same sentiment, “He’s not like how he was when he was four. None of us are.”

“You say that, and yet… you still treat me like a four-year-old girl who can’t handle the cruelties of real life and needs your loving protection at all times. I’m fucking tired of it, Sicheng.”

As he tried to protest and justify himself, you stood up, shaking off his pleading hand that went to grab yours. You removed the blanket from yourself, depositing it on the bed before going to slip your feet back into your raggedy flip-flops. Finally bringing your phone out from your pocket, you were glad that it had been on silent, because you had five missed calls and at least a dozen apologetic texts from Taeyong, accompanied by a mildly concerned one from your own mother.

“I need to get going.” You stated flatly, showing yourself to the door.

Sicheng followed behind you, defeated. You waved to his mom, who was sitting on the couch that was visible from the living room. As you stood in the doorway, about to close the door behind you, your friend spoke up again.

“Y/N, I—” Something else seemed to be on the tip of his tongue, but he switched trains of thought. “I’m sorry. Please be safe, and… do whatever you think you need to do.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you Monday, Sicheng.” You nodded to him, then set off back down the street to your house.

When you came home, your mother was clearly worried about you, but asked nothing other than if you wanted some leftovers. She probably figured that you'd tell her about whatever she thought was going on if, and when you wanted to. You declined the food, walking yourself back to your own bedroom. It felt so nice to be able to just collapse on your own bed. Tears contemplated a return, but you found yourself almost just too tired to cry.

At long last, you went to read the texts Taeyong had sent you. They were all similar questions of where you were, if you were okay; apologies and confessions of his stupidity were sprinkled in, and you bit your lip bitterly at the last one.

[yonggie: can i please come over?]

Your fingers had no hesitation in them as they quickly typed out and sent your reply.

[you: my window is unlocked]

Less than two minutes later, there was a sharp knock on your window. Your fingers dumbly messed with the mechanism of your window before you were able to open it the first inch. Taeyong gladly pushed it up the rest of the way, climbing in as naturally as he ever did. Except this time you didn’t both sit on your bed and immediately exchange friendly greetings or launch into a dynamic conversation. There was no sense of normalcy or safety in the situation at hand. The pair of you were standing in the middle of your room, your hands stuffed in your jacket pockets, and eyes trained on the floor. Taeyong seemed to be contemplating what to say first, cautious and hesitant to move a single muscle out of fear of your reaction.

“I fucked up.” He finally stated, and you didn’t even have to ask him what he was referencing. The elephant in the room.

“What do you mean? We’re not dating or talking or anything. You had every right to go out and do whatever you wanted with whoever you wanted.” You replied hollowly, no feeling behind your words.

“I know, but… I still wasn’t being honest with you, about stuff.” Taeyong paused, apprehensively wringing his hands together. “Because I didn’t want to lose my best friend again.”

“I have a question.” You didn’t even wait for him to nod to show that he was okay with you asking it. “What were you going to say, on Sicheng’s doorstep earlier? Before he cut you off.”

There was no hesitation as he looked you dead in the eye and confessed, “That I’m absolutely, truly in love with you.”

“You have a terrible way of showing it.” Was your immediate retort, sounding much harsher than you mean it to be. Some of this was your fault, too.

“I’m sorry. I thought that you didn’t like me that, and the guys thought other girls would be a good way for me to get over you.”

“Did it work?”

“What? No, it didn’t. I didn’t want it to, either.” He could still see your apprehension, adding on, “Y/N, when you left, I immediately went to try to follow you. And I’m so sorry, that I did that to you. I can’t even try to blame Yukhei for showing you, it’s all on me. I completely fucked this up, didn’t I?”

You bit your lip, pausing to take a deep breath before saying, “…No.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I do really want to be with you, Taeyong.”

“I promise, I’ll be better for you.”

“I don’t expect you to dump all your friends or completely convert back to how you were before.” You scoffed, sitting on your bed and gesturing for him to join you, feeling some of the tension in the room being relieved at your friendly gesture. “Because I can tell that a lot of this really is who you are, and I like it too. I still see that good, giggly, dumb boy I fell for; just with red hair, a couple eyebrow slits, and piercings that look really good on him now.”

“I love you.” Taeyong suddenly blurted out, the grin on his face almost blinding you.

“Mhm,” Finally letting yourself reach out and intertwine your fingers with his, you hummed in approval, fearful of saying it back to him. That would make this real, make any heartbreak coming your way be palpable. “Let’s go on a nice date tomorrow.”

“Sure, yeah. On me.” He offered, squeezing your hand gently.

Graduation.

Fucking finally.

Standing at the joint graduation party you were holding with Taeyong, Yoonoh, and Sicheng, you felt nothing but relief for high school to finally be over. You couldn’t even feel any sort of remorse for leaving your younger friends behind, three of whom you were currently chatting with.

“I’m not going to have my locker buddy anymore.” Mark wiped away a fake tear, and you joined in on his false sorrow.

“I know,” You sniffled mockingly. “I’m going to miss watching each other open our lockers three times a day so much.”

“I won’t have anybody to share granola bars with behind the school while they cry about Taeyong.” Jisung pouted, not being as melodramatic as Mark and you, but still joining the banter.

“I never cried!” You groaned, kicking the back of his knee as he grinned mischievously and Donghyuck cackled.

Taeyong then approached the three of you, accompanied by Johnny, who gave the younger boys enthusiastic greetings. Your boyfriend’s arm came to rest on your shoulders as he eagerly said hello to your friends. You easily leaned into the touch, your own arm taking purchase around his waist as you were amused at how animated Mark and Donghyuck immediately became around the older boy. Taeyong leaned over to murmur in your ear, “Having fun?”

“Of course.” You replied quietly, scanning the crowd of familiar faces again.

Both of your friend groups had become less distinct as the school year came to a close, the mixing evident as you looked around. Yuta and Ten were having some kind of non-alcoholic drinking contest, which Sicheng was observing with a simper on his face. Chenle and Yoonoh were cheering them on while Yukhei, Kun, Jeno, and Jaemin were dancing a little too enthusiastically to the music.

“So I was thinking… that we could recreate that photo of the four of us on the bench. Since we all don’t hate each other anymore.”

“Hmm, good idea. Let’s go grab the other two.” You let go of his waist to take his hand in yours, excusing yourselves from the group. Not like Mark or Jisung would notice your absence, too enthralled by Johnny.

The contest had reached some kind of close, you weren’t quite sure who won or lost, but everybody was cheering. You grabbed Sicheng’s arm as Taeyong tapped Yoonoh’s shoulder. They both turned to look at you two with smiles.

“Hey! Y/N, I haven’t seen you all night!” Yoonoh yelled over the music that was much louder now that you were closer to the speakers.

“Because you’ve been out here, Yoon!” You explained, then changed the topic. “We should recreate that photo of us, on the bench.”

You couldn’t find a bench inside or outside the venue, but the concrete rim of a planter in the courtyard would suit your purposes well enough. You’d originally meant to only grab one parent to take the picture, but they were all together and all insisted on coming out and witnessing it. Mrs. Lee was holding the camera in her hands that were nearly shaking in excitement. Sitting on the planter, Sicheng on your right, and Taeyong on your left, you listened to your mom call out instructions on how you should all pose to match the original picture. You knew the gist of it, wrapping your arms around Taeyong and squishing your cheeks together as Sicheng leaned over to put his face near yours and Yoonoh did the same on Taeyong’s left.

“Big smiles!” Mr. Jung yelled out enthusiastically, and you immediately went to do so, already grinning just form the position you were in.

Mrs. Lee did the countdown, “Okay! 1, 2, 3!”

On three, the flash of the camera went off, but you hardly realized it as Taeyong had turned his head at the last moment, smooching your cheek loudly instead. You immediately burst out laughing as he kept pecking your cheek, screeching out a “Taeyong!” as he still hadn’t relented. Finally, you pushed him off, shaking your head at your boyfriend’s antics, cheeks hurting from how much you were smiling. You met his mother halfway, eager to see how the picture turned out.

“It’s not exact,” She gave her son a pointed look, holding the screen out towards the four of you. “But I think it’s still pretty darn cute.”

It really was. She had caught the exact moment that Taeyong kissed your cheek, forever memorializing your delighted surprise, mouth spread wide in laughter, matching the bright grins of your other two beaming friends. From the over a decade since the first one, Taeyong and Yoonoh’s “bad boy” alterations, your relationship changes with Taeyong, and Sicheng’s usage of braces, it was truly incredible how much the four of you had changed.

“That came out great!” Yoonoh exclaimed, taking the camera from her hands to look at it closer. “We’ve gotten so fucking old!”

“Jung Jaehyun!” Mrs. Jung chastised him, but nobody actually seemed upset, all too caught up in the nostalgia.

The camera was passed to Mr. Dong next, switching hands so everybody could see it. You were following Taeyong and Yoonoh back into the venue when Sicheng tugged on your arm.

“Y/N, do you think we could talk for a second?” He requested, glancing at Taeyong as your boyfriend and Yoonoh had halted when you did.

“Of course!” You accepted, turning to the other two. “We’ll be inside in a bit, guys.”

They nodded, turning away back into the building. Sicheng led you over to the edge of the grounds, where the moon was visible through the leaves and branches of the trees. He couldn’t seem to look at you quite properly, and you just waited patiently for him to say something.

“I really liked you, you know that, Y/N?” He started off, catching you way off-guard. Sicheng continued on, “For years. And I thought—I thought that when Taeyong and you stopped being friends, and especially after all the bad shit he was doing, that I had finally had a chance.”

Your friend chewed on his lip as you scanned his face, trying to think of something to say, “Sicheng… I’m—I’m sorry.”

“Ah, don’t be.” He shook his head, shrugging nonchalantly. “I just have a question, that I need answered. You know, for future reference.”

“Uh, sure.”

“Was part of it me, Y/N? Because I kept trying to protect you and was smothering you?”

You scratched at the back of your neck awkwardly, not having thought about that in a while. “No, no. It’s not that, I promise. I don’t know why I didn’t like you instead, honestly it would have been so much easier, but—”

“I’m not Taeyong.” Sicheng cut you off knowingly, a somewhat amused look on his face.

A pained smile came to your lips, and your lack of an answer confirmed his statement well enough. He nodded, going to turn away, but you grabbed his arm again. “I’m sorry. You’ll always be a part of my heart, Sichengie, you’re still my best friend.”

“No I’m not. I know it’s still him.”

“I—”

“That’s okay, Y/N.” He gave you a reassuring smile, one that twisted at your heartstrings. “I don’t need to be the most important person in your life. I’m just happy to be included in it.”

You were still standing there dumbfounded and pained when he linked his arm through yours, “Come on, Y/N. We still have a party going on.”

It was one of those summer nights where you were so happy to be doing just absolutely nothing. School had ended a couple weeks ago, leaving you the whole summer to prepare for your first year of college. You were laying on Taeyong’s bed with him, his fingers innocently tracing patterns on your back underneath your shirt as you rested your head on his chest. While he scrolled on his phone, you were half-asleep, letting your mind wander as his movements soothes you. You were absolutely, truly content.

“Taeyong?” You mumbled against his shirt.

“Hm?” His chest rumbled underneath you as his eyes flicked down from his phone screen to your face.

“I love you.”

A grin quickly spread across his face as he turned his phone off, fully focusing on you. Taeyong had told you that plenty of times, but the fear of making this all real was so ingrained in you that you never repeated it back to him. And he never pressured you, knowing that you needed time.  

“I love you too.” He gave your forehead a peck, a fond smile coming to your own lips. “Absolutely, truly.”

⤷ masterlist