#june's thoughts 🌙

[thegyusorcerer]

one of the reasons why I advocate for the use of lgbtqia+ labels as tools and not as "boxes-to-fit-into" is because no two queer people's experience is going to be the same; even if they use the same label. we can't pretend that everyone who uses the label ______ has had the same journey coming to terms with their identity. that's the beauty of the human experience: it's diverse and different! that's what a community is about. that's what our lgbtqiap+ community is about!! to embrace the diversity of gender and sexuality. I believe labels are the tools we use, the language we feel most comfortable using, to describe, as closely, as possible, our own queer experiences. that's why we shouldn't "gatekeep" or keep policing who should or shouldn't use x, y or z label. let people be, and describe their life the way that best fits them 🌈.

[riicahr]

Sharing my Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba OC here since I put so much effort and thought into her design 💕🤙

Himawari Yoroza, a Demon Slayer who picked up the long forgotten Eclipse Breathing from her ancestors, is a warrior-philosopher whose journey is as much about internal discovery as it is about battling external foes. She seeks knowledge and understanding of the cosmic world around her and its influence on demon- and human worlds alike.

☀️ General Info:

Name: Himawari Yoroza

Race: Human

Gender: Female

Age: 20 (first appearance)

Height: 162cm

Birthday: 18th of June

🌙 Demon Slayer Info:

Affiliation: Demon Slayer Corps

Occupation: Demon Slayer

Combat style: Eclipse Breathing

Rank: Tsuguko (Apprentice)

Status: Alive

[lajikookbolala]

I want to take a moment to thank an incredible YouTube channel, Wonsummernight. But first, let me explain why.

This story takes place about two years ago. It was summer of 2021. It was hot out and I was spending my days inside, laying lazily on my couch and listening to music on my earbuds. Then, one day, by coincidence, I stumbled across a song called Butter, by the band BTS.

At first, I was a bit hesitant to like it. I didn't know much about BTS or K-pop in general other than the fact that the fans were hated on relentlessly. But, I decided to push that thought to the side, and I listened to the song, on repeat, for a few days.

On June 28th, 2021, I watched the Butter music video for the first time. And the second time. And the third time. And the fifth time.

I was absolutely hooked. That one shot of Jungkook singing the chorus with his purple hair was enough to make me swoon, and swoon I did.

I showed my friends, but none of them saw what I saw.

So, I continued on my BTS journey by myself. I started digging deeper into the fandom. I began with learning about each member; their names, their roles in the group, etc. Then, I began watching compilations of funny moments.

I was obsessed, and I needed to share my obsession with someone, but I knew nobody would understand. So, I showed some of these videos to one of my very best friends: my mom. And, of course, being an extremely smart woman, she was immediately hooked as well. We basically became fans at the same time, laughing and crying and yelling together about these seven amazing men and how much we both loved them.

Then, about a week after I first joined the fandom, I stumbled across a video on YouTube, a type of video I had never seen before.

A Taekook video.

Intrigued, I clicked, and not knowing much about the boys at this time, I believed the video. Even though it was absolute garbage, I wasn't used to seeing anything like this, so I thought everything in the video was true, even though it obviously wasn't. My mom, however, didn't get it. She didn't even understand what shipping was or why people did it.

That was until one day, about a month later, when my mom stumbled across a video on her own YouTube home page.

A Jikook video.

She tried to show me, saying that she had never seen any two people more in love in her life. I was extremely against it at first, but since she was my mother I eventually gave in.

I still remember the feeling I got when I first watched that video. It was somehow a physical manifestation of what I was thinking. It was as if my body was yelling; oh shit, I was completely wrong.

I forgot about that video, as I'd watched so many others since, but today I remembered it.

This was the video that first got me into Jikook.

For the last two years, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Being a Jkkr can sure be stressful, but the small moments of joy are what make the shipping worth it. The small moments like watching videos like these.

I hope anyone reading this takes a moment to go and watch some of this channel's videos. It's been an intense day, and we all definitely need a break from the drama.

And last but not least I want to thank two people: Wonsummernight, and my mom. The two people who helped me get into Jikook. I am extremely grateful to both of you.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☀️🌙

[sgt-morgan]

Mine all mine. 🌙🦋

Joel Miller x OC

Summary: late night ramblings.

Warnings: angst, pure unadulterated angst. Death of a character. Illusion to illness or cancer. The unnamed OC is AFAB and female identifying.

A/N: This is so fucking sad. It’s depressing. Do not be mad at me if you read it and are sad, I cried while writing it. I was listening to Mitski and Neil Young and I accidentally made this. I’m so sorry. Read at your own risk. I’ve been going through it so I needed this outlet.

Joel senses it before it happens. He knows all her little tricks and tells. Hell, he should, after about four years of sleeping next to her every night. Her every tick is tattooed on his brain, he can practically read her every movement behind his eyelids. She shifts a bit, and curls up on his chest and then he can feel the weight of her eyes on him, her chin digging into his chest. She’s staring at his face, and here any moment now, she’d run her fingertips down the bridge of his nose, over his lips, down his cheek, then she’d rest her hand on the side of his neck. She can’t sleep, or she won’t, doesn’t matter, if she wants him awake, he’ll be awake.

She traces her favorite path with ease, and he sighs into the calm feeling of sweet contact. Her little sweet, familiar, touches as she debates whether or not to bother him. She, of course, is not a bother, but she wouldn’t believe it. So he just waits as she plucks up the courage to start speaking. He gets impatient though, always wanting more of her, as much of her as he can get, so he decides to cave.

“Baby, can I help you?” He cracks an eye open to see her staring up at him with tired yet adoring eyes and he grins.

“No, I just love you.” She shakes her head and keeps staring. He stares right back, wanting to keep every bit of her he can locked away in his heart. He’s been trying to do that more, he knows he needs it he guesses, he still thinks there are pieces of her his memory will never properly replicate. He hopes he’s wrong.

“Ok,” he nods, running a hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “You’re still awake?” It’s a rhetorical question, he knows she’s awake obviously, he just hasn’t picked up on the why yet.

“Yeah,” she nods, gently rubbing her cheek on his chest and inhaling his scent. “I’m tired, but I’m not sleepy.”

Joel peeks at the alarm clock to see its 11:50. Not terrible, it’s not 3 am, he figures she’s probably in pain, so she’s not sleeping well. He forgets the clock, it doesn’t matter, he’d never sleep again if he thought she needed him.

“Ok,” he nods again, pressing a kiss to her hair. “ whatcha thinking about?” He runs a hand through her hair and scratches the base of her scalp. If she could purr he thinks, she’d be as content as a cat, she loves when he plays with her hair, always has.

“When we get married, I wanna do it on the beach.” She mumbles, lightly biting his arm before kissing him in the same spot. “I wanna go out of the way of a lot of people so people who I’m obligated to invite won’t come to my destination wedding.” She starts running a finger up and down his face again and he just nods and listens to her start talking about everything and nothing. “I also think it would be really funny to make Ellie and Sarah the flower girl and ring barer. I want my sister to officiate, and I think that we should make my brother an usher, just to piss him off. June can be the made of honor. Also? I don’t wanna wear shoes under the dress. I just think they’re uncomfortable.” He hums in approval.

“Yeah, that way I can wear boots and it won’t seem weird.” He nods.

“Exactly,” she shifts again, laying flat in his arm next to him and stares up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. “I think pink would look really ugly on me, so we can’t use that as the wedding color.”

“Yeah, we should do green, looks good on you.” Joel nods.

“Yeah, sold,” she nods. “Harvest moon by Neil young is out first dance.” She says, wrapping an arm around Joel’s again from this new position on her back. He turns his face over to look at her, her eyes are a puffy purple color, and her lips are cracked. A cough wrenches from her chest, and he doesn’t say anything, just watches her. Soaks up the tone of her voice and the color of her eyes, even though they’re bloodshot and exhausted.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll make Bill play it on the piano. He’s got the talent.” He nods, listening to her breath rattle in her chest. He breathes in the smell of her, it’s muffled by sweat and sickness, but he wants it imprinted in his skin and on his brain.

“We should do a bonfire instead of an actual afterparty or reception or whatever.” Her breathes keep getting shallower and shallower, her words are slurring. He can feel the tears press behind his eyes, but he won’t acknowledge them, and he damn sure won’t let her see them. “Couple coolers of beer and someone’s car radio. That kinda thing.”

“I like it, casual but fun.” He nods, pulling her closer and burying his nose in her hair.

“Do you think she’ll like me?” She wonders, the words are getting spacey and unintelligible, but he doesn’t mind, he knows what she’s asking.

“Oh sure, she’s gonna love you.” Joel nods, running a hand up and down her arm. Then everything is quiet and he just lays there, soaking her in, he wants to scream for Ellie, but she saw her this morning, Ellie already knows everything she needs to hear from her, so he decides to be selfish, wants her to relax into this. Her eyes drift around seeing things he can’t, but god does he wish he could.

“My sister, she looks so much like my mom now.” She mumbles. “And my brother is tall, I didn’t think he would be tall.” She laughs. “My mom always fussed with his clothes, I wonder if she’s gonna fuss with mine, think my dress is gonna fit?”

“Course, it’s gonna be great, you’re gonna be the prettiest bride out there.” He nods, letting a tear soak into his pillow. He pulls her that much closer, trying to memorize the press of her against his skin.

“Oh wow, my June is so pretty.” She says breathless. “She doesn’t look a thing like her daddy thank god, she’s gonna love you.” She laughs, but it’s a wet,rattling thing. It hurts his chest. “I bet she and Sarah are gonna be best friends.” There’s that silence again, he lets her think. He would t dare interrupt whatever she’s seeing right now. Then she gasps.

“She’s got your eyes.” She says with such conviction, and he looses his last bits of restraint. He knows who she’s talking about. “Joel, she’s beautiful. You were right, she’s sweet.” Joel can’t help the sobs that wrack his body now, but he knows she doesn’t notice them, he wouldn’t be crying if he thought she could. She turns to him suddenly, and it would be startling if her eyes weren’t so radiant and happy.

“Oh hey there cowboy, I love you.” she grins as if meeting him that first time all over again and he beams at her and mouths it back through his tears. “What’s a girl gotta do to get a kiss?” She teases and he can’t help but grin.

“All you ever have to to is ask.” He sniffles and kisses her with every ounce of love he can find in his body. He breathes every last piece of his soul he has left in him into that kiss. It’s a wretched thing, torn up and sad, but it’s her’s. He wants her to have it, to take it with her. She’ll know what to do with the pieces, she’ll mend it and give it back when he sees her again. When he pulls back her eyes are closed, she looks peaceful, he won’t try and wake her. He’ll spare himself the false hope. He doesn’t want to disturb her anyway.

“You just get ready up there, you hear?” He whispers, tucking her hair behind her ears. “You get all dressed up, and you practice your dancing. I’ll see you on the beach. I’ll wear my boots, and my tie for you ok? You just stand at the end of the aisle and look pretty. I’ll see you as soon as I get there.” He looks miserably at the window where the breeze floats into the room, casting moonlight over the sill. A little butterfly is on the sill, he smiles when he sees it.

“Thanks for coming to get her Sarah.” He huffs a laugh and lays there holding her a while longer. It’s the last chance he’ll get after all.

When morning breaks, Tommy finds Joel sitting under the tree behind his house. He’s got her jacket across his lap and her locket curled in his fist. The dirt is piled up neatly and a little wooden cross is on top of it, her name neatly carved into it as well as a little moon. Tommy knew this was coming. Knew it from the moment Joel came barreling out of the doctors after you inexplicably collapsed on a patrol. It was awful, watching her suffer like that. It nearly killed them all, but she was a trooper. Through all of the pain, and sickness, and loss of function, she stood strong. She smiled and laughed and reminded them all they would be ok. Hell, she was so damn cheerful throughout the whole thing he almost believed they would be. He didn’t believe it now.

“She had to go get ready, we’re getting married yah know?” Joel sniffs and raises to dust himself off. He pats Tommy on the shoulder. Tommy knew about this, the planned wedding in the spring. She talked about it when she felt her worst, planning a wedding that would never happen, but if it made her smile they would plan her a wedding on mars. It was whatever got them through it, that was the rule, whatever made the day go by.

Tommy doesn’t know what to say, what to do to make it better, so he doesn’t say anything. He just sheds a tear and nods, patting his brother on the back. “I put the stuff that’s useable in a box on the porch, get em to who needs em. That’s what she wanted. Hope you don’t mind me keeping this though.” He runs his hands over the fabric of her coat and shakes his head.

“Of course not Joel, that’s fine. Keep whatever you want. I’ll take- um.” Tommy clears his throat and sniffs. “I’ll take the box to Maria.”

Joel nods. “I’ll uh, I’ll just go give this to Ellie.” He runs a thumb over the locket he’s holding. “She’s got her other jacket.” Tommy nods and his eyes are suddenly drawn to a set of rings on a new chain around Joel’s neck.

“She told me to hold onto em till the wedding. Says she would loose them.” Joel sniffs. “I’ll just. I’ll just go see Ellie.” Tommy hopes Ellie doesn’t give him a hard time, they may not be on speaking terms, but she is their only level ground. They don’t fight when she’s involved. He hopes that the kid lets him back in, he looks bitterly at the grave and presses and hand to his lips. Joel whistles a tune as he walks away, and Tommy’s eyes press closed when he recognizes it. He can’t help the bitter sob that wracks through him, heartbroken once again for his big brother, unable to fathom how one person can keep loosing so much and still keep going. Still, Joel’s tune wraps around him like a hug. It’s their song.

“Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon.”

[mybrainismelted]

🌿w e e k l y 🍄 t a g 🕯️ w e d n e s d a y🌙

thanks for putting this one together @darlingian!

hello forest dwellers, star gazers, and dream weavers. let's reveal a little bit of ourselves to each other and experience the joy of being known. (Or keep your secrets, Gandalf, idc.)

which character from any media would you like to have as a father?: Hmmm, Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince maybe

if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have? Raccoons are very cool pets

what is your Chinese takeout order?: I like just about anything, but I'm a bit of a basic bitch when it comes to my usual order. Chicken Balls, fried rice, beef and brocolli

what's your favourite emoji?: 🙄 since I'm on desktop and don't have as many options

would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house?: There was a time when I would have said library, but honestly it's a toss-up between greenhouse and home theatre. The greenhouse would be lovely in the winter, but the home theatre would be really cool

what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly?: Mr. Dressup

what was your tumblr like when you first joined?: In June? Pretty much the same....

what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself?: Bohemian

if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best?: oh gosh, maybe Pern?

what is your favourite piece of art?: I don't think I really have a favourite

do you have a water bottle? what does it look like?: I have a giant water jug that I fill every day to remind myself to drink. But I also got this one for my birthday:

what fanfic trope is a quiet fave?: Have to agree on the slow burn

do you carry a daily bag? nope. if it doesn't fit in my pockets, I don't need it

If you had to ship Mickey with another Gallagher, who would it be?: Blech. None of them

what is a fanfic trope you didn't expect to like and then very much did?: also agreed on the AU's. When I first started reading fanfic I thought the idea was awful. Now I'm all about the AU

Do you think s11 Mickey can still carry s11 Ian?: hmmm, probably not. He could do it when they were kids an Ian was skinny for dancing, but now? Even without the covid weight, Ian's so much bigger than him

who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house?: I think it turns into the potato masher war 2.0. Everyone steals it from whoever currently has it every chance they get.

tagging @juliakayyy, @jessieoneday, @jrooc, @krystallouwho, @softmick, @creepkinginc, @crossmydna, @michellemisfit, @stocious, @scurvgirl, @lingy910y, @palepinkgoat, @mickeysgaymom, @gallavichsuperfan, @ian-galagher and @such-a-barbarian

[pralinesims]

👁️ 💥 🎂 🍰 🌙 👖💘 💚 for Maggie please

👁️ EYE - What colour are their eyes? Do people notice their eyes? Is there anything special about them (shows emotion easily, literally magical...)?

The color is some blue-green hybrid, though Maggie herself romanticizes it and always explains her eye color in wild ways. Her eyes themselves are huge, that's usually what people notice. She's very expressive with her whole face, whenever she's shocked or something, you just see it on her, and this also extends to her eyes.

💥 COLLISON - What emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

It's very rare for her to get angry, so that's usually the emotion she's able to handle the least, just because it's so unusual to her.

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - When is their birthday? Do they like celebrating it?

It's on the 9th of June! Also yes, she's very much a fan of celebrating birthdays, although she is kinda shy about arranging them, she also loves to let loose on those days, even more so than usual lol.

🍰 CAKE SLICE - Favourite cake flavour? Are they specific about types of cakes?

She doesn't like dry cakes very much, her faves are those types that are quite big, juicy and with proper frosting. Her favorite flavours are red velvet and fake banana aroma.

🌙 MOON - What is your oc's greatest wish? How far are they willing to go for it?

She doesn't wish for much, she's quite content with her life most of the time. Though her biggest silly wish is the actual existence of unicorns or other magical beings, she'd probably do everything for fantasy things to become real.

👖 JEANS - What is their go-to outfit?

Usually some skirt, stockings, a nice tight sitting top and a jacket on top. Dresses like this 80% of time, might swap for this get up the skirt out with some jeans aswell.

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - What traits do they look for in a relationship? Do they believe in love at first sight?

Love at first sight definitely exists for her! Very often she quickly fell in love and thought they were "the right one". Her partner would have to be physically attractive to her, as she's aware that she knows no limit in whatever she says, and might accidentally hurt feelings if she'd accidentally admit she wasn't into her partners looks. Besides that, she's open to everything, almost all personality traits except aggression are fine to her.

💚 GREEN HEART - What things make your oc feel comforted? Hugs, kisses, food?

Her pet bunnies, plushies, and usually some quality time with her favorite media.

[entomolog-t]

Probably too many for one ask but I didn't want to miss anyone out lol

🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? For Aedes

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? For June

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? For Sal

🍽️ - What’s their favorite food? For Betty

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? For Mark

💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side? For Bram

🍪 - How well can they bake? For Dawn

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand? For Tamius

🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer? For Rose

AHH I LOVE THAT YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ANYONE OUT💕

What’s Aedes' sleep schedule like?

Aedes is nocturnal by nature- It's easiest to prey on humans among other things in the dark/while they're sleeping. Sunlight tends to make him feel open and exposed, where as darkness acts almost as a security blanket for him. Though his sleeping habits are notably impacted by the presence of June...

What does June absolutely need to have to fall asleep?

As hinted at in the first chapter of Bite Me, June sleeps with an open window- she needs a room cold and preferably having fresh air.

Does Sal have any hobbies?

ABSOLUTELY - That lil gremlin is always looking for new things to do/try. He loves working with his hands, crafting tools, wood working, even sewing (specifically accessories for his 8 legged ladies). A lot of his hobbies are born out of necessity for his life style (foraging, climbing, hunting, etc..) but if we're talking specifically for fun/to pass time he loves to take things apart. Lil man loves to figure out how things work and will disassemble and attempt to reassemble things he's interested in. Do not leave him unattended with valuables.

What’s Betty's favorite food?

Betty is SPOILED! She particularly likes crickets as they're more fun to hunt, but taste wise she has a bit of a sweet tooth fang and and Sal absolutely spoils her with strawberries from time to time. You know those videos of pet owners putting together those very extra meals for their pets? That is 100% Sal with Betty. He insists she prefers Rosey Maple Moths, and will pair it with a nectar source to make it "extra special/pretty" for his precious girl. He's even taken to cooking isopods/potato bugs for her as an occasional treat.

What’s something dumb Mark's embarrassed about?

Ironically enough- his height. Mark is around 5ft3 is fairly self conscious about it.

What gestures does Bram really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?

Value wise Bram deeply respects courage, specifically being able to make sacrifices for others. He's not fond of people pleasing niceties and much prefers direct and blunt communication.

Tangible gestures?

He likes food.

Feed him and it goes straight to his heart (Homeboy craves to be nurtured).

How well can Dawn bake?

Dawn is quite the baker, and cook in general. She's close with a few Mennonites (who also happen to run a local bakery) and learned a lot of her baking techniques though them. She doesn't bake sweets too often, usually making them for Holidays/special occasions, though she does make her own bread!

What’s something Tamius will never understand?

Women

Tamius doesn't see the appeal of sports, more specifically high intensity/contact sports. He understands the joys of competition, as well as being physically active, and being able to defend oneself is important- yet the thought of doing it for some self imposed sense of duty? Fun? Not out of preparation/ self preservation, but to put your body through undue strain and harm for what? the amusement of others? Baffling.

Does Rose have a green thumb or are they a plant killer?

FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK THIS.

Rose is a plant hoarder. Her entire home is just filled with greenery (Which Tamius quite appreciated in terms of quick/easy hiding spots).

[ladyxskywalker]

sky lady late night rambles 🌙🥰

stayed up too late working on a crochet order for my small business

(Yes, I finally did it ! just starting out)

& at the same time, I was also on the phone with my boyfriend (he was telling me gossip from trivia night & funny stories about friends)

so we both got off the phone quickly because I didn't realize what time it was & I think he said real fast "go, go to sleeps, night night, love you, goodnight" so I said it back "ok, talk to you tomorrow, love you goodnight"

then the phone call cut off, so I wasn't sure if he heard me 😬 I was so scared !

but he did ! he heard me & texted me right after "love you too" 🥰

It made me so giggly & happy right before bed.

I'm so glad we finally feel comfortable saying it to each other & now he's been saying it more often without being afraid to express his feelings. 💐❤️

over the weekend, we were talking & he was holding me after I was confiding in him about struggling a bit & he just said "I love you, everything is ok, I'm sorry I didn't say it when I should have."

It meant so much because I was so worried he didn't feel the same. That was my biggest wish for him to love me back.

Sat will be our 1 year anniversary. 💌

I can't believe we've seen 4 seasons together, shared so many special moments & made a lot of loving memories.

June 2022, he was just "baseball guy ⚾️" here on the blog ! I saw him for the first time & didn't even know his name.

Dec 2022, he was "grumpy bb", & at first I thought that he couldn't stand me at all !

Jan 20th 2023, with a funny nudge from my best friend AR, we talked for the first time & hit it off immediately.

Jan 21st 2023, my phone broke & I had no way of contacting him. we were supposed to hang out on this day, so I went to the bar in person to wait for him. our best friend, "JJ"wrote his number down on my receipt for me, which I still have & carry with me in my purse wherever I go. The entire thing is faded except for his number & the date on the bottom.

Jan 29th 2023, we went for a walk in the cold winter & bonded over loving the movie "March of the Wooden Soldiers". We shared our first kiss, & my silly friends witnessed the whole thing. It was hysterical & wonderful at the same time.

Feb 2023, I gave him a special keychain of a plane that has meaning for us. Months later, he gave me a little blue pin with a plane on it, too.

Fast Forward >>> to Now 💫

We're pretty much inseparable. Sure, we've had our ups & downs, stupid fights & misunderstandings. No one said this would be easy or perfect. But I feel like we are it for each other & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jan 2024, he's my best friend, the love of my life. I feel like the universe led us to one another when we needed each other more than ever.

❄️💙

[1tboy]

jan luis castellanos, bisexual, cis-male + he/him → isn’t that manuel jaime diaz? i’ve also heard they go by the it boy. i hear they’re twenty-two and want to be a broadway actor. they seem to be hardworking & charismatic, but also perfectionist & pushy. they remind me of spotlight shining in the middle of the stage, the shine of a leather jacket, and a morning run around the park. 

                                                        ○ ′ 🌙  loved  by taco

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  001

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  manuel jaime diaz 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  manny , mj ( close friends ) , diaz ( jock buddies ) . 𝐃𝐎𝐁  september 1, 1979 𝐀𝐆𝐄  twenty - two 𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂  virgo 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  cis-male 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒  he/him 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  bisexual 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 río san juan, dominican republic 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍  bronx, nyc, new york 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒  english and spanish 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  senior at lawrence university

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  002

𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌  jan luis castellanos 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑  dark brown/black 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒  hazel eyes 𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓  5′10″ 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒  both ears pierced 𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐒  none 𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄  white and black t-shirts, leather jackets, golden necklace with a cross, jeans.

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  003

𝐒𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐍 the new it boy 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  protagonist ( enfj ) 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  hardworking, thoughtful, passionate, charismatic, altruistic 𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  idealistic, perfectionist, sensitive, pushy 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓  acting, singing, dancing, staying active, basketball, soccer, knitting 𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  working

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  004

𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑  jaime diaz, forty-eight, restaurant owner/manager 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑  marisol guzman diaz, fifty, nurse 𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒  none

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  005

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐋𝐒        luke patterson ( julie and the phantoms ) , troy bolton ( high school musical ) , anna delvy ( inventing anna ) , blair waldorf ( gossip girl ) , finnick odair ( the hunger games ) , peter kavinsky ( to all the boys ) , hanna marin ( pretty little liars ) , june park ( tiny pretty things )

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  006

when someone mentions the diaz family, it's nothing but good things for that family. of course it would be. they were the poster family of what the american dream was all about. the family immigrated from dominican republic in the early 80s, with a hundred dollars in their pockets and but a dream. the dream for a better life. jaime and marisol had always dreamt of living their lives in the united states, but when manuel was born, they had another dream now, to give manny the best life they could, and that was to move them to a country where anything was possible.

and that's what manuel managed to do. growing up from his humble beginnings and learn that with a bit of hard work and dedication, any dream was possible. and growing up with someone who had everything, he felt like he needed to keep up with all the things he managed. marcus was always the charming one, the trendy one, the king of the school. and manny always felt like he was just his lackey more than he was a friend. but that didn't stop manny for pursuing things he enjoyed, even if marcus wasn't into it, from being the best in whatever sport he was in, to getting a solo in the school and church choir, to ending up getting the lead role in every musical and play he had auditioned for during school. he was dream catcher, a perfectionist, an idealistic person.

the struggles came when he applied to schools, and finding out that he was an immigrant himself. for most of his life he was told that he was born in the bronx. manuel's whole life was in the states, in new york city, and discovering that he couldn't legally get a job or apply for student loans because he was not from here took a toll on his whole identity. no one knew else knew about this, not even marcus, except for esteban chamberlain, marcus' father.

after the news, he didn't stop though. he kept working hard, getting accepted to one of the best schools. his eyes were set on lawrence university. it was the most prestigious school that he knew he needed to be part of, but he knew that he would struggle to afford the school. luckily he got some money with some scholarships, but it wasn't enough. he had enough for a year, thanks to his parents saving up, but he still needed three more years worth of tuition, so he had to find some way to get the money. and so he found himself escorting, and then eventually finding a man that would eventually helped.

he managed to do all this under the books, until marcus discovered the truth. he knew about his status, he found out that he was doing escorting his freshman and sophomore year, and he knew all about the guy that he was sleeping with for money. their relationship had strained, that manny was tired of feeling less, and the night he died he had an argument with him. after his death, it was him that took over the reigns. he was next in line for valedictorian, he was given so much love after marcus died, seeing as he was the closest with him. and now he was the new it boy. it was cool, but the last thing he wanted was for people thinking he had something to do with his death.

○ ′ 🌙  –––––––––––––––––––  007

        CONNECTIONS

childhood friend // competition - marcus chamberlain was always on top. even though he was a close friend to him, manny felt like he was always under his shadow, never shining because he would always take the spotlight from him. and it didn't change when they went to college. but now that he has passed away, he is getting the spotlight that he deserved. but the question is, did manny have anything to do with his death?

childhood friend, found family - someone who genuinely felt a connection with. he even had a little crush on, but never really did anything because of marcus. he hopes now that marcus is gone, things with them could evolve into something stronger.

ride or die - this is a friend he had met at lawerence university, the one that became his true best friend, unlike his former frenemy. how they met was through an event, and then ended up having a few classes together as well, but they ended up hanging outside of school events and classes, which made their relationship even tighter.

current hookup/fwb - it's not serious, but just someone he has fun with. it could go either two ways, feelings may get involved and manny runs or it continues to just be fwb type deal.

more to come.

[thegyusorcerer]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH FELLOW GAY PEOPLE ON MY PHONE! 🏳️‍🌈

[thealchemistbae]

WEEKLY ZODIAC HOROSCOPE 7/11 - 7/17 🔮 ( PART 1 )

Hello ! Happy Sunday my Alchemist Babes. 🌞 This post will cover Aries - Capricorn zodiac signs and what they can expect in this upcoming week. Please refer to part 2 for Aquarius and Pisces. Make sure you check your Sun, Moon & Rising signs 🌞🌙⬆️ for a more in-depth forecast of the week. Enjoy 💜

Disclaimer: These images do not belong to me. I have gathered these images from Pinterest. This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not make any life changing decisions in regards to this reading. This is a collective reading so don’t try to force what doesn’t resonate.

If you are looking for something more personal, message me about my services.

thealchemistbae © do not copy, redistribute, or edit my content.

ARIES ☄️ (March 21 - April 19)

What can Aries’s expect this week ?

Happiness and well-being.

Unsuccessful outcome to a problem.

You will be shown the way.

Temporary situation.

You will be playing a different role in a situation.

Great worry over nothing.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

TAURUS 🐂 (April 20 - May 20)

What can Tauruses expect this week ?

Protection from a powerful friend.

Unsettled times. Need to plan ahead.

A long journey, either physical or mental, will leave you wiser at the end.

Guaranteed success.

Time to take action.

Opportunity or windfall.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

GEMINI 🐉 (May 21 - June 20)

What can Gemini’s expect this week ?

Karma - you will reap what you have sown.

Good advice from a wise person.

Money will be coming to you.

In need of help, assistance, and guidance.

Stepping into a new experience.

Take care or there will be a loss of material wealth.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

CANCER 🌝 (June 21 - July 22)

What can Cancers expect this week ?

Problems to be resolved.

Take care - enemies are working against you.

You are highly thought of.

Major challenges to overcome.

Vacation.

Getting back to the basics.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

LEO 🦁 (July 23 - August 22)

What can Leo’s expect this week ?

You feel something is lacking in your life; perhaps love, money, or goals.

Solid foundation. Success with effort.

SUCCESS is highlighted.

New job/career.

Advice from a friend.

Indecisiveness. Allowing your life to ramble aimlessly.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

VIRGO 🌿 (August 23 - September 22)

What can Virgo’s expect this week ?

A period of ill health. Depression.

A path with money is waiting for you to find it.

Great, good fortune.

Excitement.

Love, deep affection, and caring. (SIGNIFICANT)

Put in a position of authority.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

LIBRA ⚖️ (September 23 - October 22)

What can Libra’s expect this week ?

Unsuccessful plans.

Someone new is entering your life.

Goal-oriented

Someone is extremely stubborn and unwilling to change.

Romance, celebration, party.

Spiritual guidance. Angels are protecting you from harm.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

SCORPIO 🦂 (October 23 - November 21)

What can Scorpio’s expect this week ?

Chain of events that will affect your life.

Someone working against you behind your back.

New creative ideas. New ventures. A fresh start.

You are on the road to success.

Muddled, unclear thinking.

You will be taken care of in difficult times.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

SAGITTARIUS 🔥 (November 22 - December 21)

What can Sagittarius’s expect this week ?

Opportunities are waiting for you.

Romance is in the air.

Money or property through an inheritance, winning or windfall.

Financial pinch.

Pay attention to your health.

Do not be tempted to lower your standards.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

CAPRICORN 🐐 (December 22 - January 19)

What can Capricorn’s expect this week ?

Shrewdness and resourcefulness, especially in business.

Short journey ( road trip or mini vacation )

Someone will try to make you do something against your will.

A wish is being granted.

Wealth is SIGNIFICANT.

New home, new attitude.

If you enjoyed this reading, you can leave me a tip via PayPal at goddessguapa@gmail.com or via cashapp $lavishlyguapa. Thank you.

thealchemistbae © do not copy, redistribute, or edit my content.

P.S. Aquarius and Pisces will be on a separate post due to no more space on this post.

[mosneakers]

I posted 747 times in 2022

436 posts created (58%)

311 posts reblogged (42%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mosneakers

@simsstuph

@queeniecook

@zosa95

@whyhellosims

I tagged 746 of my posts in 2022

#ts4 - 567 posts

#ts4 story - 266 posts

#sims 4 - 264 posts

#md4 - 248 posts

#reblog - 245 posts

#the sims 4 - 228 posts

#coraleye darling - 161 posts

#gif - 146 posts

#ts4 gameplay - 117 posts

#tycho curious - 91 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#not really sure what this means but i wrote the original draft at 3 am after taking nyquil and thought it was funny

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

222 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

#4

S U B J E C T E D- A Nervous Subject inspired ripped graphic T-shirt

For your sims who've seen some shit

Very busy so I'm leaving the Simblreen treats on the porch this year♡  Some of my lovelies have expressed interest in the shirt Nervous was wearing in my Moonkeeper render. So I figured it'd make the perfect Simblreen gift!

Maxis Match

Base Game Compatible (big tysm to @whyhellosims for helping me with learning this!♥)

For ts4

Includes an optional dirty or bloody ("costume blood") overlay, found in the ring category

Includes plain dirty or bloody swatches for those who don't want to download overlays

11 swatches all together

Made for masculine frames, but fem frames work too

🍬🍭🍫Download: (free, no ads or flies) Patreon Simsfileshare

more screenshots below:

Swatches in CAS:

See the full post

278 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

Moonwood Mill Cropped Graphic Tee🌙🌲

Don't take any trips to Moonwood Mill without picking up a werewolf themed cropped tee from the local gift shop!

Base Game Compatible

Fat Inclusive

Available for Masc and Fem Frames

Disabled for Random

Custom Thumbnail

Enabled for Wolf-folk (of course!)

Download (Free)

421 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

#2

Tycho Curious, watcher of the cosmos, keeper of the moon! 💫🌕

755 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

2,746 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[myrnadalgleish]

Thomas Barrow & Richard Ellis, and eclipses as a harbringer of change

Everything related to the moon is automatically related to Richard Ellis, right?

Eclipse is defined as an obscuring of the light from one celestial body by the passage of another between it and the observer or between it and its source of illumination. Here we will discuss lunar and solar eclipses with astrological meanings and real-life eclipses that happened closely to canon.

An eclipse of the sun happens when the moon moves between sun and earth, blocking out the sun's rays and casting a shadow on parts of earth. Total eclipse happens when the moon covers the sun completely. Lunar eclipses happen when earth positions itself between the sun and the moon, casting a shadow across the moon's surface.

For Barris Winter Fest's this week's theme, change and new beginnings ✨️ @barris-event-blog

The Sun & The Moon 🌙

Sun's path is the unifying symbol in astrology, since the other planets orbit around it. The sun is therefore related to what is ideal, fixed, relatively permanent and unchanging. It's also related to power, to kings and queens, to powerful or famous people, to rulership and governance. It also has been associated with ambition and purpose, and it represents clarity and direction.

In contrast to the symbolism of the sun, the moon has traditionally been more closely related to the realm of impermanence, as it is constantly waxing and waning. As servants, Thomas and Richard work in an industry of the past, but the world around them is changing constantly. Like Richard says it, "Fifty years ago, who'd have thought man could fly?".

The moon's method of illumination is more subtle, relying on reflected light. Indeed, the moon symbolizes things such as our inner feelings and desires, our shadow self, and things that we are yet to discover about ourselves. "When you're like me, Mr Carson, you have to read the signs as best you can because no one dares speak out" & "You just need to be a bit more circumspect in future, Mr Barrow".

Solar Eclipse 🌝

With all of this in mind – in an eclipse, the moon covers the sun. The moon, within all of its own symbolism, represents Thomas and Richard's relationship (the crescent fob as a promise of seeing each other again). The sun represents the status quo: Richard having a stable position requiring some kind of ambition to acquire and Thomas having his life center around serving the ruling class. But when they met, the moon covered the rational sun. Richard helped to sabotage the royal visit and Thomas slammed the door on an earl's face, both betraying the rich and famous. "It feels good to be two ordinary blokes".

The sun is also sometimes seen as a ruler judging us from above, and shadows (outside their many negative meanings) are seen as protection. What happens in the shadows is Turton's and kisses hidden in plain sight.

Eclipses are known for being major harbingers of change and often align with exciting new beginnings and twists of fate. Total solar eclipses are a rare event, but sometimes all the celestial bodies are aligned for true love to happen, perhaps?

June 29th, 1927 🌌

On June 29th, 1927, a total solar eclipse was visible from the British mainland soil for the first time in 203 years. R.A. Marriott describes: It caused nationwide excitement which included mass population movement to the towns, villages, moorlands and offshore waters of Wales and the North of England, and severely tested the country’s transport and communication systems.

Blue line displays maximum eclipse path. In York, 99.40% of the sun was covered at 5:24 in the morning. Downton Abbey would have experienced almost a total eclipse.

Railway companies encouraged people to travel to experience the eclipse. Though anyone who travelled might have ended disappointed. Totality only lasted 23 seconds, and very few were lucky too see it because of the cloudy weather. Sylvia Seeley writes:

The narrow belt of totality, only about 28 miles wide, swept accross England in a line to include parts of North Wales, Lancashire and Yorkshire. Thousands upon thousands of spectators were gathered at various centres in the line of totality, from one side of England to another, only to be greeted on the great day with a drenching and hopeless dawn of impenetrable clouds.

The royal visit is set on July 20th–22nd, 1927*. So around a month before Thomas and Richard met, a rare cosmic event symbolising change and new beginnings took place. 💖 I would assume at least some of the residents of Downton Abbey got out of bed early enough to stand outside in dark and rain. Did Thomas bother, I don't know. Richard probably was still in London, experiencing much the same. Or maybe he was already on the Yorkshire tour, with some Giggleswick luck? The summer of 1927 is one of the rainiest on the record, by the way. Since it was perfectly sunny for the parade in Downton, I'd expect the clouds cleared everywhere the king step foot in.

Wet and depressing athmosphere also mentioned in the final page of Dorothy L. Sayers' 1927 novel Unnatural Death:

As the gate clanged open to let them out, they stepped into a wan and awful darkness. The June day had risen long ago, but only a pale and yellowish gleam lit the half-deserted streets. And it was bitterly cold and raining.

“What is the matter with the day?” said Wimsey. “Is the world coming to an end?”

“No,” said Parker, “it is the eclipse.”

*This is debatable, I think! The month July as far as I know comes from Edith's line about giving birth in March. It wouldn't be a big stretch to think the movie was actually set in June. I do like the eclipse better as an omen for a twist of fate, but if you'd like to think them going eclipse gazing right after the visit, it's technically possible!

Dancing Partners 🌔

If you had asked me just a few days ago, which one, Thomas or Richard, I would associate with the sun, I would've said Richard. But I've got it all wrong! Obviously the guy standing in a dark street talking about moonbeam fairies is the moon.

Some of the the Sun's traits, like positivity and confidence, I would hand over to Richard. But other than that, he reminds me of the moon. The moon is hidden, and then it isn't. Slowly we see more of it, one part coming out of the shadow after another, but then it starts disappearing again, and we doubt if we ever knew him at all. He can quite literally fool you with his voice, and seems different every time you look at him, adapting into every moment gracefully. As said before, the sun represents clarity. I wouldn't call Richard a lunatic, but his actions may seem... more on the side of the moon, sometimes.

Thomas might not always be the sense of reason either, but he has some of the sun's traits. (And he likes the sun!). In the movie, unlike the subtle moon, he says openly what he means with an expressive face. Mr Ellis – the Moon – is certainly more circumspect (or so he says!). The sun is symbolic of action and intesity, while the moon is of passivity and thought. Our Sun's slamming doors and dancing and getting upset about it, but both times Richard's been there to listen and mysteriously solve things.

Sun and moon being in love relies on the concept of opposites attracting, and I actually see Thomas and Richard as quite similar. And I do keep seeing Richard as the sun too. (With many moon-like qualities in Thomas as well). I'd love to hear your insights if you have them!

The sun and the moon being romantic partners is not my idea. Legend says that they have always been in love, but that they could never be together, because the moon rises at sunset and the sun just at dawn. Eclipse was created as proof that there is no impossible love. In 1844, Jean Jacques Grandville published a drawing of the sun and the moon kissing during an eclipse. A french film from 1907 with sexual themes shows a romantic encounter between the sun and the moon during an eclipse. Some have seen it as an early example as homosexuality in film.

And not to get too meta, but! The most important thing when we think of the relationship of sun and moon is that the moon reflects the light of the sun. We know only very little of Richard, and so many of our own headcanons rely on what we think would be fitting or interesting for Thomas. Thus we only see the moon in the sun's light.

Lunar Eclipse 🌚

In astrology, the moon is the banner bearer for things that come to be and pass away. Canonically speaking, Thomas' and Richard's relationship didn't last a very long time. It is sad, but I think something positive I got from the break-up it's maybe the thought that good things don't have to be forever. Like a total eclipse happens rarely and doesn't last a long time, it can be a life-changing moment.

While solar eclipses often bring new beginnings, lunar eclipses are more likely to bring about sudden endings, conclusions, or powerful changes of heart. That way we could think solar eclipse as a symbol for the start and a lunar eclipse as the end (or an unpermanent distruption) of their relationship.

Lunar eclipse is less of a spectacular event too. The moon either darkens or turns reddish or brown colour. They can be viewed by anyone on the night side of the earth and they can last nearly two hours, so they aren't as rare as solar eclipses. On average, a total lunar eclipse can be seen from any given location every 2.5 years.

Total lunar eclipses happened four times in a row on June 15th, 1927; December 8th, 1927; June 3rd, 1928 and November 27th, 1928. (Total lunar eclipses often happen in a row. Before this group, the latest was in 1924 and the next in 1931). Only the second one, December 8th, was visible from the UK, and it was a blood moon (the moon turns red).

Assuming The New Era takes place in '28, these happened around the start and end of Richard and Thomas' relationship. Eclipses are always about change. June 1927 – November 1928 is a period of huge change in Thomas' life, all about self-discovery and finding himself, which the moon is related to.

Until We Meet Again 🌜

A large partial solar eclipse was visible from Los Angeles in 1930. This newspaper article from California which I thought was funnily fitting.

And if that prompted to change his mind or if he never went, there were plenty of chances to go eclipse-gazing with Richard later. In York, June 30th, 1954, 80% of the sun was covered, October 2nd, 1959, 20% of the sun was covered, and February 15th, 1961, 90% of the sun was covered.

Thank you for reading! 🌟

Links 🌠

1. astronomy: more about solar eclipses, more about lunar eclipses, june 29 1927 in york, june 30 1954, october 2 1959, february 15 1961, april 28 1930

2. astrology: solar eclipse symbolism, eclipse meanings, sun symbolism, solar eclipse meanings

3. eclipses in art, solar eclipses in the uk, lunar eclipses in the 20th century, seeley's text (would recommend this), vintage photos of people eclipse-gazing

4. couldn't find where the newspaper article is from but i got it here

5. unnatural death & l'eclipse du soleil en pleine lune (watch here)

[imsodunwiththis]

“Npd abuse” is not real but your trauma is

If you see something you don’t like BLOCK it don’t report it

Name: dunndy or dunny

People who are recovering may find my blog triggering ⚠️ (mentions self destructive behavior, suicide, intrusive thoughts, mentions of suicidal actions)⚠️

Don’t ask anyone for a doctor diagnosis! It is none of your business and it’s not up to you wether it is valid or not

(Post here)

I kind of rant/vent on this blog but I also do research on mental health topics and I also talk about life lessons I’ve learned

‼️I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER‼️

(My healthy weight is 82-90 lbs I am 4 feet and 11 inches tall. I am not pro ED or thinspo or fat phobic if you do have an eating disorder you can follow me but I do not allow pro ed, thinspo, or fat phobia on my blog and if it is on your blog I will block you.)

Active 2024

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

My diagnosis:

Depression

Social anxiety

ADHD

Misophonia

(I know myself better than you do)

🚫 DNI 🚫

(Do not interact)

If you are going to be rude, unfriendly, or a bitch to ANYONE

Stigmatize mental illnesses

Encourage suicide or self harm or any other dangerous behaviors

Thinspo

Pro ED

Anti recovery

Fatphobes

Yandere blogs (no exceptions)

Believe anyone with a cluster B disorder are “evil” or “bad”

Believe in “narc abuse”

Believe in “BPD abuse”

Exclude schizophrenic and psychotic people

If you think empathy makes you an inherently good person

If you think that people with No or low empathy are inherently bad

Use any mental illness as an adjective

Example: “omg I’m so OCD” (obsessive compulsive disorder)

If you purposely trigger someone (for any reason)

Anti self diagnosing

Use censorship

Example: “your so dilulu”

⚠️ My triggers ⚠️

TikTok

Mental health stigma

Ableism

Sexism to men

Yandere

TikTok

(Go see this post to know only few of the reasons I hate tik tok)

What I DO NOT allow on my blog:

Thinspo

Pro ED

Anti recovery

Fatphobes

Racism

Slurs (some people get upset when they are used but you can use them on your own blog I just want here to be as comfortable as possible)

Mental health stigma

Ableism

TikTok

Using any mental illness as an adjective

Purposely triggering someone (for any reason)

Toxic positivity (post here)

Encouraging suicide or self harm or any other dangerous behaviors

Toxicity

Anti self diagnosing

Anything Yandere related (post here)

(Yanderecore, irl yandere)

I think I should mention that if you aren’t currently in recovery but aren’t anti recovery you are allowed here.

This is a safe space for anyone

💬Crisis text/call line📞

988

Other things about me (you can scroll past this if you’d like

I love:

Music

Jokes (and I rarely get offended by any jokes)

The moon 🌙

The (real history) of the Salem witches

Animals

Archery 🏹

1923 (Yellowstone)(TV show)

The 1920s

Old record players

Old telephones

Old TVs

Old computers

Typewriters

Trains/train tracks

Psychology

Old pianos

Edgar Allen Poe

Edvar Munch

My favorite colors:

(post here)

🟨Yellow🟨

🟩Green🟩

🟦Blue🟦

⬜️Gray⬜️

My favorite animals are:

Wolves

Birds (specifically the balled eagle)

Bulls (specifically long horn bulls)

Dogs (specifically the Yorkshire terrier, Irish wolfhound, Maltese, Alaskan malamute, German shepherds, golden retrievers, basenji, Aussie shepherd)

Cats (specifically the Maine coon)

I am open to talk about anything

The ten personality disorders

Cool forest with a wolf pack

Don’t know what this post is but it felt important

Attention punk flag

My header image was drawn by me

My pfp was drawn by me

[taomyou]

The Romance of Reimbursements - Chapter 22

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Status: COMPLETED Summary: There’s a guy you see every Friday on bus 143, and you think he’s pretty hot. It wouldn’t hurt to tell your best friend about him, would it? or, you and Levi take the same bus home from work every Friday, and you fall in love slowly, clumsily, and with all the time in the world to fold as many paper stars as your heart desires. Word Count: 15.7k Tags: slow burn, friends to lovers, modern au, office au, fluff, romance, meet-cute, matchmaking (A/N: this fic is entirely available on ao3 here if you would like to read it there instead!) Chapter Navigation Accompanying Playlist

factors of 143

Day 1

You’ve never bothered to set your alarm to ring on weekends before.

Sure, you’ll set one if you’re going out with Hange for breakfast or if someone’s coming over to the apartment early, but even then, everyone’s pretty understanding of the fact that you just… don’t want to get up any earlier than you have to.

It’s never really been an issue for you to sleep in on weekends, especially in these last couple years where you’ve just needed more time to yourself.

And of course, you know that you have to wake up at some point, so it’s not like you’re totally unaware of just how much time passes when you’re asleep.

But really, it’s in spite of yourself that you wake up at damn near the crack of dawn, stretching out your arms and legs.

You blink a few times to fully get yourself awake, and you roll over onto your stomach to start feeling around your bed for your phone. When you find it, you smile to yourself before going to turn it on.

You’re especially smiley today because it’s the first day of you being with Levi, and even though there’s plenty of other logistics to worry about later, you can’t help but hold this new feeling close to your heart.

Even though the date itself is ultimately unimportant, your date with Levi later today is enough for you to care that it’s the 25th of June.

Just calling it a date makes you excited.

Well, you’re not entirely sure if it’s a date, but hanging out with your boyfriend is just about as close as you can get to going on a date, right?

Today’s a Sunday, though, so there isn’t much to really do besides that.

Not that your date with him won’t occupy an entire day’s worth of thoughts.

Regardless, you still have to ask to make sure you’re both on the same page for the day, so after you get over the still-there euphoria of simply adding something to his contact name on your phone, you open the messages app to text him and ask what time he’ll be coming over.

Before you can get to your keyboard, though, you see the three dots appear at the bottom of your screen before a message comes through from his end.

Levi 🌙 – 7:37 AM

If you’re okay with me making plans, I’ll come over to pick you up at 5

You slam your phone down on your bed and squeal, kicking your feet with an idiotic smile on your face. You bury your face into your pillows, still too shy to even admit to yourself how happy you are, but you can’t help it.

If you’re okay with him making plans?

Of course you’re okay with him making plans.

More than okay, your heart soars at the mere implication that he’s going to plan something for the both of you.

The both of you. As a couple. As boyfriend and girlfriend. As lovers.

Long gone will be the days of everyone else setting you up with Levi, and even though you previously mourned the loss of coincidence and fate that originally brought the two of you closer together, you think you like this better.

Where you both know what you want. Where you won’t leave things up for the universe to decide.

There’s no more questioning of whether or not he wants to spend time with you. Of whether or not he wants to keep up with the frequent exchanges of affection between the two of you.

Of whether or not you love each other.

You pick up your phone again, and you roll over onto your back to look up at the screen again to make sure you’re not dreaming.

You still see the words there so you know you aren’t, but you might as well be.

You - 7:45 AM

i’ll see you at 5 then ^^ any dress code?

The three dots appear again, and you laugh when his next message comes through.

Levi 🌙  – 7:45 AM

I don’t care, you look beautiful in everything

You roll over onto your stomach again so you can kick your feet comfortably again, cheering all the while.

You bring your free hand up to your cheek to feel the red that’s for-sure there, and all of a sudden, you’re brought back to the memories of last night where his hand gently cradled the same spot, then later his own cheek as he stood lovestruck on your front step. 

Your joy is broken with another beep, but you really don’t mind it because the glow in your chest is only fanned brighter with the texts that come in.

Levi 🌙 - 7:48 AM

But why the fuck are you awake so early? Go back to sleep right fucking now

God, you really never thought you’d think something so crass could be so sweet, but it really is so sweet.

You take a screenshot of the message to remember the words for later, not that you think you could ever forget something so adorable.

You – 7:46 AM

as if you aren’t also awake right now www why’re you up?

Levi 🌙 - 7:47 AM

I asked first

You - 7:48 AM

no reason

You smile again, bringing your phone to your heart.

It still certainly hasn’t hit you completely that you’re actually dating Levi, but the fact of the matter is that even your subconscious can’t contain the excitement in your soul at the simple thought that you actually are together with someone you love so dearly.

That definitely is why you’re so excited to be up and awake.

You bring your phone back into view when you hear another beep.

Levi 🌙 - 7:50 AM

Okay, sure I need to go now, but I’ll see you later?

You - 7:51 AM

yep! see you later <3

You stare at the messages exchanged between you and Levi for what feels like an eternity before you finally concede and put your phone down to get out of bed and brush your teeth, knowing that you would very well lose track of time just thinking about Levi otherwise.

You finish with your business in the bathroom quickly enough, your heart still stuck in your throat, and you head out into your kitchen to get something to eat.

When you open your fridge, you’re met again with all the wondrous groceries Hange gifted you (most likely for your promotion), and you roll your eyes as you take out some ingredients for breakfast. You still take mental note to thank them when you pass by their apartment unit after Levi comes to pick you up later.

You hum to yourself as you get everything prepared, stuck in your own little world as you now reminisce on the joys of last night’s party with your friends.

You’re careful to not think about anything too deeply while you’re pouring the hot water from your kettle into your teapot, and you’re even more careful to prepare your midsummer raspberry tea the same way Levi did.

On your table still sits the celebratory gift basket Mikasa and Petra arranged for you last night, so after you finish getting situated for breakfast, you idly untape the cellophane wrapping around it while your food and tea cools down.

Those wristbands that your coworker gifted you were tucked into one of the gaps of the wrapping, so you’re careful to remove those and place them neatly on the tablespace while you riffle through all the different teas in the basket. There’s a few you’ve had before, but for the most part, they’re all new (and caffeine-free, of course), so you also take mental note to call the two women later to thank them properly for their considerations.

The gift voucher for that jewelry store is also a very thoughtful gift, but you don’t quite have anything in mind as to what new pieces you’d even be interested in, so you put that off to the side when it starts interfering with your perusing of the tea selection.

You eat breakfast with memories of last night replaying in your head, and you smile because your life really couldn’t be any more perfect than it is right now.

Maybe you will listen to Eren for once and arrange a dinner for everyone, so Isabel and Furlan can come and celebrate with everyone else too.

After breakfast, you opt to turn on your TV as background noise while you get to tidying up the apartment. It doesn’t take long, but by the time you finish, it’s about midday and you feel hungry again.

You decide that you’re going to make lunch, but because you don’t have everything you need for the particular dish you choose, you get ready to go out and grab them. You don’t put much effort into that, but you justify it by saying that you’ll be putting way more of it into your date with Levi later.

You make the quick drive over to the supermarket on Rose, and you practically skip through the aisles as you pick out what you need. You probably look incredibly stupid, the smile on your face having not left it all morning, but you can’t really bring yourself to pay any mind to that right now.

You stop by at the bakery to see if Sasha’s working, and sure enough, there she is, loading a tray of pastries into the display case.

“Good morning, Sasha!”

She sees you, and once she’s done, she waves hello to you with a bright smile on her face.

“Hey girl, good morning!” She comes over to the counter space where she can see you better, and she brings over a pastry for you to have. “You look like you’re in a good mood!”

You nod eagerly. “Yeah, I am.” You take the pastry from her, and you tell her your thanks.

“Any particular reason why?” She prods, slyly wiggling her fingers in your direction.

You laugh at her silliness and nod again, idly twirling a strand of hair on your finger. “I have a boyfriend now.”

God, you cannot believe you get to say that out loud.

Sasha squeals, her hands in fists as she shakes them in adjacent joy. “Yes! Fucking finally! It’s Levi, right?!”

You shyly look away, having completely forgotten that Hange probably spilled all the beans to Sasha when the group of them left you and him for their friend’s gallery viewing.

“Maybe…”

She cheers again and walks around the counter to give you a hug. “I’m so happy for you! Come back to me when you need a wedding cake, you hear me?!”

You laugh wholeheartedly, returning the hug. “I will, I will.”

She pulls away from you, now bringing her hands up to her face. “This is so exciting! Mikasa told me all about you guys, you’re seriously the cutest!”

Oh, so you were wrong to assume that it was Hange.

Regardless, you can’t be mad at anyone because you’re just so happy, so you smile even wider.

“Oh my gosh, was that why he was in here earlier?!”

“He was here?”

The girl nods, brows furrowed in concentration as she tries to recall the memory. “Yeah, he actually came up to me and asked me some questions.”

Questions?

“About what?” You ask.

Sasha pauses for a second, trying to remember, and when she remembers, she smiles again, waving you off. “Well, I don’t wanna ruin the surprise, but I’m sure you’ll find out later.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

You and her catch up a bit more, talking about this-and-that, and when the oven beeps for her to tend to something, she excuses herself to get back to work.

Before she leaves, she asks if it’s okay for Mikasa to forward her your phone number, and you tell her it’s more than okay and that you look forward to hearing from her.

You go on with your shopping as usual, curious about what Levi would be asking Sasha questions about, but you don’t get too much time to dwell on it as you’re paying for everything and heading back out to your car.

Just as you're about to back out of your parking space, though, the sunshine hits the sign for Magnolia Floral Company just right, and you’re already taking your keys out of the ignition to skip over to buy a bouquet of flowers.

When you step inside the shop, you look around to find Isabel, and sure enough, there she is, idly cutting off thorns from the roses she’s handling. She hears the bell from the door opening, and her eyes light up when she sees you.

“What’re you doing here?” She asks, setting down the tools.

You smile shyly, walking over to the counter where she is. “Getting flowers? What else would I be doing at a flower shop?”

She rolls her eyes lightheartedly and reaches across to light punch your shoulder. “Of course you’re getting flowers, but what for?”

You imagine that Isabel would rather hear about you and Levi from Levi himself, so you dodge her question by cheekily zipping your lips shut.

“Secret.”

She gets the memo and laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. “Right, right. So, what can I get for you today, Ms. ‘I’m so rich I don’t check prices before I buy things?’”

You laugh at that memory of you first coming here before you take a look around the shop, and when your eyes land on the greyish blue and lilac floral section, you point them out to Isabel.

“Could you put together something from those?” You ask with a lovesick smile.

✰

Before you can unlock the door to your apartment, you hear the sound of two people laughing as they walk down the hall, and when you turn to look at them, you’re unsurprised to see Hange and Moblit, hands linked together as they come back from their date.

Wait, sorry.

You mean their “totally platonic friend hang out.” They were probably just having a very platonic, very normal walk in the building’s greenspace.

Hange sees you, and they break away from their lover to come and give you a hug, mindful of the flowers and groceries you have on you. They pull away quickly and invite themselves in after you open the door, and you roll your eyes at them while you invite Moblit in properly.

“Did Levi get those for you?” He asks, gesturing to the bouquet.

You laugh sheepishly, shaking your head and setting them down on the table. “I got them for him, we’re going on a date later.”

“You’re going on a date?!” Hange squeals and clutches their heart with both hands before pulling you into another hug, this time holding onto you for dear life. “My goodness, you’re so freaking cute! I can’t believe you guys are finally together now!”

Your heart soars, and you smile into their shoulder. “Yeah, me neither.”

They pull away from you again, and they take out their phone from their pocket as they dash over to your bedroom. “Okay, okay, I’m gonna make a phone call, but I’ll be right back!”

You and Moblit laugh at them, and you both take a seat at your dining table. You pull the bouquet of flowers closer to you and fiddle gently with the petals, careful not to crease them or rip them.

“Do you think it’s weird for me to get him flowers? You know, since I’m a girl?”

He shakes his head reassuringly. “Not at all, it’s actually really sweet that you got them.”

You prop your head up on the table, leaning into the palm of your hand to hide your blush. “That’s good to hear, then.”

Hange pops in from through the door again, and they cover the microphone on their phone. “Moblit, you said their first date would be today, right? For the bet?”

Bet?

There’s a fucking bet?

You sink into your chair, leaning back and covering your face with both of your hands now.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you groan.

Hange laughs at you, not even bothering to put their hand over their mouth to try and stifle it. “Come on, what else were we supposed to do?!”

“I hate all of you so much,” you whine, squeezing your eyes shut.

You peek through your fingers to look at Moblit for some support, but he laughs the same as Hange. “I’m sorry, there was too much money in the pool for me to pass on. But yes, babe, I did say Sunday.”

You don’t miss the affectionate pet name, but it seems like Hange does but they don’t even bother trying to recontextualize it for you before closing the door again and going back to their call.

You don’t even know who they could be calling right now, considering how many people were probably involved in setting this up.

You peek through your fingers again to look at Moblit, and you see that he’s looking affectionately at the flowers on the table again.

“We all knew you were going to get together at some point, it was just a matter of when,” he offers.

You’re overwhelmed by the bloom in your chest that comes from the sweet sentiment that comes from the confidence your friends had in you and Levi getting together, but you still can’t hold back the smile on your face.

“I guess that’s fine then,” you concede.

Hange comes out of your bedroom again, their phone now back in their pocket. “Well, it looks like me and Moblit are gonna be a thousand dollars richer, so get up! We’re gonna take you for lunch to celebra-”

“Are you fucking serious? A thousand dollars?! ”

You look at Moblit, but he puts his hands up in surrender. “I told you.”

“And I was going to make lunch,” you tell them. “At home.”

Hange sighs longingly and comes over to the table, dramatically draping their arms over your shoulders. “What a homebody,” they muse, putting their chin on top of your head. “But that makes sense, you probably wanna get all dolled up on your own before you go on your date too.”

At the callout, your heart gets caught in your throat. “N-no, I don’t!”

Hange giggles and affectionately pinches your cheeks between their fingers. “Aw, you’re so adorable! It’s okay, we’ll leave you alone to get ready!”

After a few more awkward quips back and forth, Moblit deescalates the situation and gently nudges Hange to go with him out to the car, and soon enough, you’re waving them goodbye at your door.

Hange gives you another hug before leaving, swaying you back and forth before they let go. “You better call me and tell me all about it when you’re home!” They start. “Actually, don’t do that! Call me tomorrow, you should stay at his place tonight!”

Your jaw drops, and the red overtakes your features.

Moblit looks just as appalled. “Hange! You can’t just say that!”

Hange laughs before turning to head down the hallway. “What? I didn’t say anything!”

You close your mouth and nervously look at Moblit, who offers you an apologetic smile. “Have fun on your date, okay? We’re all really happy for you!”

You nod awkwardly, and then you close the door once you see that they’re both further down the hallway, laughing between themselves about whatever it is they’re talking about as they leave.

You wonder if you and Levi will look like that later, just as happy and in love as those idiots.

✰

After you finish eating lunch, it’s nearly 2.

And somehow, you still think you didn’t leave yourself enough time to get ready.

Currently, you're standing in front of two outfits laid out on your bed. On the left is a nice, formal dress and a coat, the same one you and Levi once shared to deflect from the rain in the parking lot, and on the right is a more casual sundress and cardigan, stitched with delicate floral patterns and leaf detailing.

You have another three hours before you have to go, but here you are, trying to figure out what to wear to a date with who you know is the most beautiful man to set foot on this Earth.

You've been stood in front of your bed for a good 20 minutes already.

What were you even doing?

You're a grown, adult woman. You're an attorney, goddammit. You should be fine going on a date with your boyfriend.

Fuck, just the notion of Levi being your boyfriend has your heart doing cartwheels, and you have to flop onto your bed in lovesick stupor even though you’ve already had the entire day to think about this.

You aren’t sure if your heart can handle feeling so full of love, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

After another hour, you ultimately decide that you’re going to go with the sundress and cardigan, mostly because it’s too hot to be wearing that coat in this windy summer weather, but you do quietly worry that you’ll be underdressed if Levi’s planning to take you somewhere upscale.

That worry dissipates when you go to your bathroom to start doing your makeup, finding solace in the repetitive movements, and before you know it, you’re all dolled up and ready to pick out your jewelry.

You decide on the pearl necklace and a dainty pair of drop earrings, and after you get all that you need for the night situated in your purse, you sit patiently at your couch, kicking your feet as you wait for your lover to come through the door. You have your phone set down on the spot next to you, and even though you really do think you’ve already waited long enough, whenever you check the time, only a minute or two has passed.

You try not to think too hard about whether or not you’re dressed appropriately or if you’re not going to look good together, but that isn’t really all that difficult when your head is just so full of lovesick thoughts as to what Levi’s got planned for the two of you tonight.

At exactly five o’clock, though, you hear a knock at your door, and you just about bolt up from your seat at the couch and run over to open it, grabbing the flowers from your table along the way.

You pat down your hair and rearrange the flowers as neatly as you can, and you take a deep breath before opening the door.

And you think you’re going to melt into the floor right then and there.

In front of you stands Levi, dressed in neat dress pants, a black button-up, and forest green overcoat, looking down nervously at his feet. In his hands is his own bouquet for you, neatly arranged and with various pastel tones of pink, orange, and yellow flowers.

You could die happily in that very moment, and you think you actually do when Levi finally looks up from his shoes and makes eye contact with you.

You both stand like this for what feels like forever, just taking in the vision of the other in front of you. You forget how to breathe, but somehow, you still remember the pace of your heart pounding in your chest without even thinking about it.

It isn’t until Levi awkwardly sticks out his bouquet towards you that you laugh to break the silence, and he flushes even redder in embarrassment.

“Stop laughing at me.”

You beam and let out a final chuckle before nodding. “Okay.”

There’s another pause, and Levi awkwardly pulls back the bouquet, not sure of how to hand them to you when you’ve also got one for him too.

You extend a free hand to take them from him, and after you do, he takes the blue and purple bouquet from you into his own hands.

You look down at the bundle, and you smile even wider. You bring the flowers up to smell them, and you’re met with pleasant, fragrant notes of summer.

“Thank you, Levi. These are beautiful.”

He snaps out of his trance, and he clears his throat to try and find an excuse to cover the blush on his face. “Thank you, too. For the flowers, I mean.”

You laugh and move out of the way of the door to go and get a vase to put the flowers into, and you gesture Levi to come inside while you do that. You come back to the kitchen with the vase, and Levi leaves behind some of his shyness to help you put them in.

You go over to the sink to get some water, and when you come back, Levi’s still fiddling with the arrangement to get the best distributions of color.

He takes the glass you used to get the water and pours it into the vase himself, careful not to collapse any of the delicate petals underneath the slow stream.

He sets the glass down and looks over at his own bouquet of blues and purples.

“You can leave that here, if you’d like,” you offer. “We’ll be coming back, right?”

He nods. “Are you ready to go then?”

You nod with a smile, and you and him walk out of the door and down the hallway, his hand finding yours somewhere along the way.

You’d think the quiet would be awkward, but it hardly is when you can hear the pounding of his heart next to you, and the glances you steal from each other tell you more than enough about how you both feel.

When you get to his car, he’s still as sweet as he always is and rushes to open your door for you, but this time, when he catches you staring at him as he starts the car, he just gently smiles and shyly sinks further into his seat.

Even though you know you’ll only have one Day 1 of dating, you hope you’ll be able to hold onto this kind of love for as long as you can.

This quiet, thoughtful, shy love.

In its own way, it’s still just as passionate and lovely as the whirlwind romances you see in movies.

You know that it’s not realistic to expect that you’ll always feel these butterflies or that you’ll never get bored doing the mundane, but that’s the thing about quiet love.

It was never loud to begin with, but that’s what makes it so beautiful.

So beautiful that it can’t be expressed in words.

✰

Your first official date with Levi is everything you’d ever be able to wish for and more.

The nerves slowly leave you as the drive continues, and you both fall into a steady quiet that’s only ever interrupted by small compliments for the other’s appearance.

Levi nearly crashes when you call him beautiful, though, which is less than ideal, but you appreciate that he’s so taken off by what’s so glaringly obvious to you.

He confesses that he woke up early because he was so excited to see you again that he just couldn’t go back to sleep, but also that he had to get up to make the food for the picnic at the lake he’s planned for the two of you.

Oh, and also to grab your flowers before Isabel started her shift at the flower shop to avoid her asking him any questions about them, but that was more about him being petty than it was any actual reasoning.

When you reach the lake, the sun is still in the sky, allowing you more than enough light to eat comfortably. It’s a bit chilly by the water, but you suppose that your cardigan will suffice until it’s darker.

He carries the picnic basket while you carry the blanket and look for a good spot on the surrounding grassy park space, and when you find a spot perfectly facing the sun, you flag down Levi.

Levi’s an absolute sweetheart, trying to set it all up by himself, but when the wind continues to blow the blanket over itself, you giggle and bend down to help him.

It doesn’t take long with the two of you working together, and once you’ve gotten everything all ready to eat, you and him sit down on the large blanket, shoulder-to-shoulder and facing the lake.

There are swan boats parked at the dock, and even though you expect that Levi wouldn’t be willing to do something so cliché, he’s actually the one to suggest renting one later.

And maybe it’s because you’ve already laughed through all the nerves by now, but it’s suddenly back to how it always is—comfortable, warm.

While the both of you eat the delicious food that Levi’s prepared, you talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. He asks what you did earlier in the day, and after you tell him, he does a terrible job of hiding that he’s tripped up by you admitting that you also were excited to see him today.

As you make your way through all the food, you ask Levi how he made everything. He goes into great detail, explaining the intricacies of the cooking process and the thought behind why he thought it’d be a good dish for you and the setting itself, and you listen attentively as he speaks.

You sneak in a few kisses as he’s talking, too in-love not do that, and he does the same when you continue some of his tangents with your own about anything that comes to mind.

After you’ve had your fill of the savory food, Levi surprises you with a small batch of earl grey shortbread, the same recipe that you gave to him many months ago. You ask if that’s what he asked Sasha for help about when he was at the store, and his face lights up in flames of embarrassment as he answers with a nod.

After you finish eating (and spend a good several minutes just kissing, tasting specks of earl grey on each other’s lips for what felt like all time), you help Levi get everything cleaned up and back to his car. You and him leave everything there, save for the little bit of cash you need for the rental itself.

You swing your hand with his as you walk back over to the boat rental, and after the worker helps the both of you get on the swan, you’re off and pedaling.

By now, the sun has nearly set on the horizon, so you and Levi decide to try and find a spot in the water to watch it. It tires out your legs more than you expect it to, but by the grace of Levi’s strong runner’s legs, you don’t really have to do as much work as you would if you were with someone else.

You end up practically at the center of the lake, covered by the shade of one of the large trees outlining the water's edge, and you both carefully get up from your seats at the pedals to sit in the back of the swan where there’s no awkward gap separating the two of you.

You rest your head on his shoulder as the orange blurs into the clear blue of the waterfront, and you can feel Levi playing with the edge of your cardigan, admiring the small stitching that decorates it.

“Hey, Levi?”

He hums, and he lets go of the fabric to wrap his arm over your shoulder. “What?”

Your heart leaps at the different touch, and you sink further into him. “Did you have fun?”

His reply doesn’t come quickly, but it doesn’t unnerve you.

“Did you think I didn’t?”

“I asked first.”

Instead of scolding you, Levi turns slightly towards you and shifts to put his hand behind your head, pulling you closer to him. He affectionately puts his forehead up against yours before nodding with a small smile.

“Yeah, I had fun.”

You have to hold in your excitement so as not to rock the boat, but when Levi kisses you, it’s far too much for both your heart and his.

And before you realize it, you and Levi fall into the water, the swan now tipped over and upside down.

✰

When Levi gets out of the shower, you’re on the couch, kicking your feet as you text Hange to tell them about the poor worker who had to come out onto the lake to save your swan and get you and Levi back to shore.

“So, was it really that hard to use my shower?” You ask, putting your phone down and sitting upright on the couch.

He rolls his eyes and sits next to you, rubbing his hair with the towel. “Yes.”

You laugh and lean over onto his shoulder, still kicking your feet. “Well, at least this makes for a good first date story. Having a picnic, watching the sunset, falling out of a swan boat into the lake.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, this and fucking Valentine’s Day.”

You nod happily. “Lucky us.” You check the time on your phone and flash your screen to Levi. “It’s getting late, do you want to stay the night?”

Your heart gets caught in your throat when you realize the implications of saying that.

“N-not like that! Just so you don’t have to make the drive home yet! It’d be a lot to explain if you went home in my clothes, and I-”

He repositions himself to flick your forehead, and you yelp.

“Idiot, I know that’s not what you meant.”

“Sorry,” you mumble. You reach up to rub away the spot, but Levi swats your hand away so he can do it himself as an apology of his own.

“It’s okay,” he reassures you. “And I’d love to stay the night, if you’ll have me.”

When you dumbly stare back at him instead of replying, he leans in to give you a kiss on the cheek before heading over to the kitchen to get some tea going to warm the both of you back up.

And so, instead of recreating the image of love you saw earlier of Moblit and Hange, you’ll be here, struck by Cupid’s arrows as you slowly bring up your hand to touch the spot Levi’s just kissed.

And even though it’s not the same, when you’re later in the bathroom of your apartment with your boyfriend, stealing glances at him as he brushes his teeth next to you, you’re sure this is what love looks like.

Day 11

“Stop frowning, we’re celebrating today! Just because your girlfriend isn’t here doesn’t mean you can be all grumpy and mean!”

“I’ll act however the fuck I want to,” Levi barks back, crossing his arms. “And this has nothing to do with her.”

Quite frankly, it does. He knows he’s being irrational, but you not being here to lessen the monotony of this godforsaken graduation ceremony has got him in a worse mood than usual.

The seats are too small, there’s barely enough space for them to put their bags and gifts underneath their feet, and even before any of the graduates get to walk, his eardrums are completely blown out already from all the noise.

To make things even worse, there’s a fucking couple sitting in front of him, and the sweet smell of the milkshake they’re sharing floats up to Levi and serves as a reminder that they’re there.

Still, he’ll sit through this fucking ceremony for the sake of Isabel, but if you were here, he’d have a lot better time.

He does wonder if you and him would’ve been as much of a nuisance as that couple if you were here, but he hardly believes that the sickly sweet vanilla scent is what love smells like.

He isn’t sure what love smells like, actually, but he’ll probably know when the time comes for him to realize.

“You were staring at your wallpaper for, like, ten minutes before we left, you’re literally lying,” Furlan snitches, then reaching over into Levi’s pocket to grab his phone. Unwilling to make a scene in the audience at the expense of embarrassing Isabel (more than they already have with the unwittingly large head signs they brought with them), Levi doesn’t try to grab it back and just hides his face in his hands.

Now opened to its lock screen, Furlan hands the phone to Hange with a snicker. “Look.”

They take the device, rubbing the lens of their glasses clearer to see the set screen. “Wait!” They coo. “Levi, you’re so sweet!”

Levi recoils into himself even further. “I am not.”

He’s taken to getting comfortable with you calling him sweet not that he’ll ever admit that he even likes it, but he’s not about to let Four Eyes intrude on the softness that’s only reserved for you.

“Yes, you are! Aw, you big softie, when’d you take this?”

Levi tries to take the phone back, but Hange leans as far as they can to the left to avoid him.

“Me and Isabel took it! Levi’s had it as his wallpaper for a while now, actually!” Furlan chirps, completely ignoring the awkward position the two sitting next to him have got him in. He leans back in his chair to get out the direct line of fire, and Hange just laughs as Levi unsuccessfully continues to reach over Furlan to them.

Hange looks at the picture again before looking back at the embarrassed man, the shit-eating grin on their face only growing as they see the red start to show on the tips of Levi’s ears.

“Man, you guys are so darn cute!”

He crosses his arms, looking away and adjusting his hair to better cover his ears. “Get out of our fucking business, you fucking-”

“My boyfriend is pretty cute, isn’t he?”

At the sound of your voice coming from towards the aisle stairs of the row they’re seated in, Levi shuts up and whips his head to see you, neatly dressed and with a lei with way too much money on it around your neck.

“Girl, what’re you doing here!? I thought you had work today! You don’t even have a ticket!” Hange exclaims, getting up from their seat to hug you.

You reciprocate their gesture of affection and laugh, patting their hair while you nod. “I took the day off to work on the cake, remember? And I sweet-talked security into letting me in.” They let go of you and laugh as they hand you your boyfriend’s phone to give back to him, and Levi scrambles to clear the seat next to him so that you can sit down.

You awkwardly step over the gifts on the ground to get to the seat next to him, but you’re able to get there comfortably enough considering the three of them are sitting at the immediate end of the row. You wave hello to Furlan once you’re seated, but Levi snatches your hand to hold in his and flips off the rest of the group with his free hand.

You laugh at his crassness, and, all of a sudden, Levi can’t be mad anymore.

His anger immediately settles, and he completely forgets that Hange and Furlan just spent the last five minutes telling him off for his sour mood.

Not that that’ll be an issue now that you’re here.

“You look happy to see me,” you tease, squeezing his hand in yours.

“Of course I am,” he replies dumbly.

Fuck, you can definitely hear the sound of his heart racing to catch up to the situation.

It’s already been 11 days of him dating you—what the fuck is wrong with him, still plagued by butterflies that both terrify him and afford him solace?

Your laughter comes through again with even more joy, and Levi can’t help but lean over to put his head on your shoulder to feel just a tiny bit closer to you.

Between the preparations for Isabel’s surprise graduation party at the house and you making the transition into your new position as managing associate for your department, the two of you haven’t had much time to yourselves to enjoy being a couple.

You do still see each frequently, Levi coming over whenever he’s available and you doing the same, but that mostly amounts to you taking care of the other while they work instead of spending remarkable time together.

Not that he doesn’t love that. He wants nothing more in the world for you to be well-rested and happy, and he’ll be damned if he can’t help you in that regard.

One thing that he loves especially about it is that he’s realized you’re just as awkward of a lover as he is.

He’ll always take a break from working when you’re making tea, and he’ll let his heart overflow with warm adoration as he watches you prepare it. You steal glances at him while you work, and even though you don’t immediately shy away when you meet his gaze, Levi doesn’t miss the red that burns your face.

He thinks it’s cute—how you keep challenging yourself to look at him, even if you’re a bit too shy.

Levi’s self-aware of the fact that he’s got no idea how to act around you, but something about seeing you so flustered after a kiss or a sweet gesture makes him a bit less afraid of that.

The two of you did go out into the city to look for Isabel’s graduation gift together and that was fun, but it didn’t feel like a proper date because you both were mentally preoccupied with other things.

But regardless, he’s missed being like this, just sitting next to you and enjoying your company without other business to worry about, and now that you’re finally moved into your new office and this damn graduation party will be over tonight, he’ll have that.

As he waits for the ceremony to start, you talk with Furlan and Hange, and even though Levi really couldn’t care less about what Furlan’s coworker did wrong at work yesterday, he can’t tear himself away from conversation because you’re there, chiming in with your own stories of hellish coworkers and clients.

✰

Having a party on a Wednesday is certainly less than ideal, especially considering the fact that almost everyone has work the following day, but Isabel’s off for a camping trip with her friends from school tomorrow, so this is just how it has to be.

Hange’s taken Isabel… somewhere to keep her out of the house until the rest of you can properly start setting up. Levi has no idea what they’re up to, but as long as those two lunatics aren’t here until it’s time for people to start arriving, he doesn’t care.

Furlan’s running wild around the house, tidying up and setting up decorations, and even though Levi doesn’t care much for the tacky banners and memorabilia that’re now all over the house, he’s happy to see it realized that Isabel’s graduated and off to bigger and better things.

College isn’t easy for anyone, much less for her, and even though he was unbearably annoying at the ceremony before you showed up, he’s happy to be doing this for his friend.

You’re helping Levi with food and desserts, doing whatever you can to help ease the pressure on him now that your contribution of cake is safely inside their extravagant smart fridge.

Still, though, Levi feels like he’s that fucking rat bitch from Ratatouille, stressing about everything from the sauce for the pasta to the baking dish in the oven.

He feels a tap at his shoulder, and he nearly crashes into you as he turns to face you. He sighs, exasperated and ready to disappear into the floor, and he leans forward to put his forehead on your shoulder.

“I hate everything,” Levi grumbles.

You rub his back affectionately, humming. “I know, how else can I help?”

“I don’t know,” he confesses, letting out another sigh. “I’m probably worrying over nothing.”

He stands still as you wrap your hands around him in a gentle hug, trying to get him to sway with you back and forth. He’s too exhausted from both the long ass ceremony and these last several hours of cooking to fight against you, but he’s pleasantly surprised to realize that it… actually feels really nice.

Comforting, even.

“It’s not nothing, you care a lot about making this go well,” you reassure him, petting his hair and flicking away stray crumbs that’ve caught on his shoulders. “How about you choose one thing to worry about, and I handle the rest? You’re practically done, it wouldn’t be a complete disaster if I took over from here.”

Levi isn’t opposed to that at all, especially because he trusts you in the kitchen (unlike a certain four-eyed shit head), so he just nods, and from there, you take over.

Levi’s task now is to make sure the oven doesn’t light the house on fire, which is the easiest possible task, and as he watches the red numbers tick down, his mind drifts off enough for him to only be aware of the smells that flow through the kitchen.

None of them make sense altogether, which confuses him, but maybe this is what love smells like.

Like you turning over vegetables cooking on the stove, like you cutting up extra herbs to put in pots.

He can practically smell the metal of the spoons that you take out of the drawers to taste everything without dirtying the cooking utensils.

The sound of the oven beeping breaks him out of this trance, and he calmly gets an oven mitt to take out the dish and put it on the dining table.

When you see that he’s already on his way over, you scramble to grab a few stray pot holders to put on the table so that the baking dish won’t leave any damaging marks on the table, and even though Levi’s almost sure this is what love smells like, it isn’t right.

You thank him for getting the dish out of the oven, and you give him a chaste kiss before telling him to go and wash up before guests start arriving.

In the shower, Levi’s heart calms down from the relaxing pressure of the water, and it’s finally hit him how much you’ve just expressed your love for him.

He knows that you know how to cook, it’s not such a daunting thing for you to take charge of the kitchen.

Fuck, baking is objectively harder than cooking, and you’ve got him beat in every category of that.

But still, his heart overflows with joy at the sentiment carried with the simple act of making sure he’s going to be alright with you switching roles. The fact that you offered to have him maintain control over one thing, no matter how insignificant, showed Levi just how much you look out for him.

Not that he doesn’t already know that.

He could write articles, books, manifestos about how loving you are, but just something about you knowing that he would’ve gone crazy if he wasn’t at least occupied by something, anything, made it clear that even you have no idea how much of an angel you are.

Your love is loud, almost alarmingly so, but it’s still quiet beyond that.

And Levi thinks that’s more beautiful than what he can make it out to be in words.

When Levi comes out of his bedroom after changing into something more well-suited to the occasion, you’re passing by him with your own change of clothes to go change in the bathroom. You both stop in your tracks when you catch sight of the other, but you're quick to clear your throat and push a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“You look good.”

Levi still is never going to get over any kind of compliments from you. “You too.”

You too? What the fuck is wrong with you, Levi?

You laugh wholeheartedly and lean in to give him a kiss. “Thanks, Levi. I’ll be out soon.”

And just like that, you disappear into the bathroom, locking the door behind you.

Levi’s fingers come up to feel his lips, looking back at the bathroom, and he has to blink several times to break himself away from that to go and see what state the kitchen is in. He’s not worried that anything will be too out-of-place, but he’d rather take care of it now than have to do it later.

He is, however, surprised that when he’s back in the kitchen, everything’s cleaned up, the dishes in neat piles on the correct side of the sink. When he looks closer, he sees that you’ve already scraped off any and all sauce, crumbs, and residual pieces into the trash, and that all the dishes are all soaking with the appropriate amount of water.

God, one second he doesn’t think he can fall any harder, and then you do this shit, and he’s reminded of the fact he’s going to be falling into the abyss of love forever.

✰

The party is… good.

The only real major blunder is that Isabel comes back to the house before all the guests are there. Her parents are still out trying to buy a bag of ice, and nobody’s actually in hiding for the surprise as intended.

Hange swears that it’s because Isabel demanded to go home and take a nap, but Levi finds that hard to believe when she’s not exactly tired when she’s back at the house.

Still, Isabel looks happy, even with the awkward entrance, and she floats around to thank people for coming to the party.

Levi and Moblit stand off to the side, not really wanting to participate in the high-energy conversation that’s going on, but after Moblit gets bored of playing the random mobile games that Hange’s downloaded on his phone for him, he strikes up conversation with Levi.

“How’s life?”

Levi shrugs, pocketing his phone too. “It’s okay.”

Moblit raises a brow. “Normally you say it’s shit, don’t you?”

Levi’s eyes immediately scan the room to find you, and his heart lights up when he sees you teaching a group of Isabel’s friends how to fold paper stars from the napkins that Furlan set out earlier.

“I guess I’ve moved on from saying that.”

Moblit nods with a smile in understanding. “That’s good.”

“How’s life for you?”

Moblit knows that Hange’s in the kitchen because that’s where the loudest sounds of laughter are coming from, so he just smiles down at his feet. “It’s pretty good, yeah. You know that I’m dating Hange, right?”

Levi rolls his eyes, tipping his head back against the wall. “Yes, everyone and their fucking mother knows,” he groans. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. Good for you guys, but they’re so fucking annoying about keeping it a secret when we all know already.”

Moblit laughs. “No, it’s alright. Yeah, I think the only person they care about keeping it from is Astraea, but she already knows.”

Levi probably would be conflicted about blabbing about it on Valentine’s Day, but Hange’s done a piss-poor job of hiding it, so he really doesn’t feel anything.

Moblit continues. “She actually took pictures of us walking around the grass area of their apartment building, here.” He tilts his phone to Levi to show him the lock screen: a blurry, zoomed-in photo of Moblit and Hange laughing together.

Ordinarily, Levi would scowl at the thought of someone being so lovesick that they’d be willing to use such an objectively low quality photo as a lock screen, but he can’t really react that way anymore when that’s also exactly what he’s like now.

“Do they have the same one on their phone?”

Moblit shakes his head. “No, theirs is an older photo of us at graduation.”

Levi takes out his phone to look at his own lock screen—that photo of you smiling underneath the harsh lighting of the driveway lamp—and for whatever reason, he tilts it to show Moblit.

“That’s mine.”

“What’s yours? Lemme see!” Hange chimes in, suddenly in front of the two. Levi’s quick to put his phone back into his pocket, not wanting the embarrassment of earlier to repeat itself, but you’re steadily approaching to see what all the commotion is about.

“Levi was just showing me his lock screen,” Moblit answers, completely oblivious to your presence.

“What’s your lock screen?” You ask.

Hange looks between you and Levi (who’s swearing to commit bloody murder if they so much as say anything at all, by the way), and they grin. “You should show her, Levi!”

It’s not that Levi’s-

Okay, fucking fine, he is embarrassed.

He doesn’t even know why. You’re already dating, what’s the point in hiding his adoration for you?

He’s never intentionally hidden his lock screen from you, but if you ask for the time, he just looks at his watch and calls it a day, and there haven’t been any instances of you needing his phone for anything yet.

Before Levi can decide whether he wants to be defensive or offensive, Hange spills the beans without even having to steal away Levi’s phone like earlier.

“It’s a picture of you!”

Levi wants to walk back into the wall, but because metaphysics have not yet evolved to the point of making that possible, he’s forced to stand awkwardly against the wall as you look between him and Hange.

And instead of laughing at him like he expects you to, you walk forward and kiss him on the cheek, taking his hand to pull him away from the wall he wanted to disappear into.

And this time, he’s allowed to disappear because you pull him along with you to a more empty hallway in the house, ignoring Hange completely when they ask for you both to come back.

Levi’s face is cherry-red at this point, but at the same time, he’s infinitely grateful that you’re still holding his hand.

You giggle when you look back to see his face, and you coolly lean back against the wall. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“That your lock screen is a picture of me.”

Levi knows that there’s no one to save him right now, but even though he’s going to go looking for Hange immediately after this to rip their scalp off, he’s quietly happy that he gets to show you off, even if just to yourself.

Shyly, he pulls out his phone from his pocket and hands it to you. He looks down at his feet while you go to turn the device on.

The silence only fans the warmth blooming in both his heart and on his face and ears, but he hears you squealing in front of him before he looks up and is met with your starry ears, filled with all the love in the world.

You throw your arms around him in a shy hug, giggling to yourself when his arms instinctively wrap around you.

“Aw, Levi! You’re so cute!” You coo, rocking him back and forth.

He’s far too flustered to know what else to do, so he just goes along with it. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

He can feel you shaking your head over his shoulder.

“Mine is a picture of you too!”

He could die happily in that very moment, and he thinks he actually does when you pull away from him and get your own phone out of your purse.

You hold it out to him with a proud smile, and he takes it from you with just a little less shyness.

It’s that photo of him taking egg tarts out of the oven that Isabel sent you nearly five months ago, and Levi thinks his heart is going to burst out of his ribcage.

He hands it back to you wordlessly, and instead of waiting for you to make fun of his lovestruck stupor, he pulls you back into his arms and kisses you, trying to express all the love you give to him back to you.

Thankfully for him, you do just the same, and you’re stuck together like that until you hear Isabel calling for everyone to come and start getting food.

He really doesn’t know how much more his heart can take, but he wouldn’t change a thing, even if that meant he’d always be seconds away from a heart attack.

✰

After the party’s over, it’s just you, Isabel, Furlan, and Levi at the house.

You wanted to stay back and clean, and even though the three housemates didn’t want you to be doing any more work, none of them could bring themselves to tear you away from their company.

Isabel’s allowed to skip on cleaning because she has to sleep early for her camping trip, but that doesn’t stop her from just staying up anyway and talking to you from her spot on the couch.

Levi would be inclined to scold her, but he can’t bring himself to when he still feels indebted to her for practically forcing him to go to that fucking party for your promotion.

You, Furlan, and Levi all get done with cleaning fairly quickly, with only the dishes left to do, but because Furlan actually is going to go to bed early, he leaves to take a shower, and because the water pressure turns to shit when someone’s using the sink, Levi decides to leave them for later.

Levi watches from over the kitchen countertop as you and Isabel continue talking, mostly about girl stuff or what Isabel should pack for her trip because she apparently hasn’t fucking packed either, and because Levi has genuinely lost all grasp of time at this point in the day, Furlan’s back in the kitchen to say goodnight to everyone, and the sink is now available to use.

Levi goes to do that, and after you tell Isabel to go pack, you’re suddenly next to him, grabbing the drying cloth for the dishes and wiping away the water spots on the ceramic and aluminum before they can form.

There’s no words exchanged between the two of you here, but Levi still thinks it’s overwhelmingly loud that you understand he’s exhausted and just in need of quiet company.

And even though it’s not what he expected, when he’s found himself washing the dishes with boring, ordinary lemon soap, and you’re next to him, drying towel in hand, he’s sure this is what love smells like.

Day 13

“Do you need help putting it on?”

“That’s if I’m even going in,” he complains, but he still raises the wristband to you.

You roll your eyes and take it from him. You let go of his other hand and grab hold of his wrist to help orient it so you can put the wristband on properly.

You smile to yourself when you feel the tiny spark that shocks you when you touch his hand.

You tug the paper snug on his wrist. “Is this too tight?”

“No.”

You hum then, and you take off the protective sealant to get the sticky side ready to put on. You apply it onto itself, and you rub the spot to get the seal fully stuck together. “Done.”

He hums too, and his hand finds its way back to holding yours. “I still can’t believe you managed to get me to come to this with you.”

You squeeze his hand in yours before tugging him along with you to the entrance. “You didn’t really put up that much of a fight, you know?”

He squeezes your hand in return, and you smile to yourself when you catch him taking a barely larger step to catch up to you.

“I wasn’t going to let you go alone to a festival, idiot,” he just barely whispers.

You and him reach the ticket verification checkpoint in a few more paces, and you both raise your wristbands to the person scanning them. They let you pass, and you split ways to get through the security check. He gets through faster than you can because you brought your purse with you, though, so he gets swept up in the crowd of people that continue to pass by as he waits for you.

After you’re done with going through the check, you walk towards Levi and hold out your right hand for him, but instead of staying where he is and taking the hand you offer to him, he steps to the other side of you and grabs hold of your left hand, accidently bumping into a few more people than favorable to anyone.

You can hear some random teenagers laughing in your direction, probably at the awkwardness of him having to maneuver so much just to hold your hand, and you giggle along with them.

“Any reason you went through all that just to hold this hand?”

He stops for a second before leading you both towards the main walkway into the inner parts of the festival, picking up a map brochure with his free hand on the way. “I’m not telling you.”

You look over to him, and you laugh even harder when you see red start glowing on the tips of his ears. “You shy about it?”

“No.”

You swing your linked hands as you walk, looking away from him at the different booths that line the beginnings of the festival. “If you say so,” you tease. “Tell me! Now I’m curious.”

He sighs, going along with the swing that you initiate, though the way his eyes soften when he looks down at where your hands meet tells you that he’s more than willing to go along with your silly, lovesick antics.

“I’m not about to embarrass myself right now.”

You have to stifle a giggle. “You said that when you were trying to confess to me, and I didn’t think it was embarrassing then.”

He rolls his eyes, stopping at a less crowded spot so you and him can look at the brochure together before deciding where to go. “I guess, but I’m still not telling you.”

“Please, Levi!” You whine halfheartedly, following his gaze down at the sheet he’s held out. “You wouldn’t keep a secret from me, would you?”

“It’s hardly a secret when it’s not worth knowing,” he mutters. “Maybe I’ll tell you one day. What do you wanna do first?”

You use your fingers to lightly graze over the paper, trying to land on something you think would be interesting to do first while the sun is still high in the sky, and you end up fixated on a small section marked as where to get baking advice for raspberries and several other summer fruits.

“Let’s go there,” you beam.

Levi hums in agreement, and you and him stay there for a little while longer, trying to figure out how to get there. You both know that you could very well just ask one of the many workers who pass you by and ask if you need any help, but you’d like to believe that this is just the two of you prolonging the quiet before the inevitable whirlwind of a day set out in front of you.

✰

You have no idea what Petra was saying about this being boring, because even before you get to anything more objectively fun, you’re having the time of your life browsing through the different booths and asking questions to the other bakers that have their goods on display. Levi takes interest in everything as well, listening along to the conversations you strike up with the workers and even asking his own questions.

You try a bit of everything as you pass through, and even though you’re sure Levi thinks all of it is too sweet, he still asks to try everything to make the experience a bit less lonely for you.

The exhibition hall for the baking part of the festival leads into another that’s more concentrated on cooking, and you and him swap roles as you try your best to keep up with the conversations.

He doesn’t say much in the first place, but you latch on his every word as if your life depends on it anyway. He does take some pamphlets and other miscellaneous resources from the booths, though, so you know he’s enjoying his time.

And for whatever reason, right at the exhibit’s exit over into where the carnival games are, there’s a random fortune-telling machine for couples. There’s an input keypad, a small screen, a slot to slide in your money, and an opening that presumably prints out your results.

You know that Levi would just say no to it if you asked to try it out, so you drag him to it without asking at all and start digging into your purse to get the five dollars in cash you need.

“You know this is a fucking scam, right? They probably reuse the same two answers for everyone,” he says, though you can pick up a small hint of curiosity in his tone.

“Yeah, but I still want to know,” you confess.

He’s closer to the slot where you insert the money so you hand the money for him to put it in, and the small screen lights up with your first prompt.

Enter today’s date. Please input this date as MM/DD/YYYY.

You type in the date.

07/07/2023.

The screen changes, and your next prompt shows up.

Enter the date of your first date. Please input this date as MM/DD/YYYY.

“Should I enter Valentine’s Day or our actual first date?” You ask.

Levi hums, going to hold your hand again now that your left hand is free. “Valentine’s Day, I think.”

You type it in.

02/14/2023.

A few hearts show up on the screen, and then the next prompt shows up, this time with 10 symbols placed in the same pattern as the keypad.

Choose one symbol that represents you, and choose another for your partner. The position of the symbol on-screen corresponds to that of the keypad.

You hum to yourself before looking over the symbols. “What do you think? I think you're the moon.”

Levi leans in closer to look at the screen, then down at the keypad before tapping the inputs for both the moon and the star symbols.

Remembering what he called you when your first kiss, you giggle to yourself before squeezing his hand in yours.

There’s a probably fake loading screen as the results get printed out for you, and Levi pulls it out of the slot to hold it between the two of you. It’s a faded yellow color with text meant to resemble that of a typewriter.

You can’t contain the cheer of joy that bubbles from your throat when you read the first line, and you’re sure that Levi’s just as happy with the results.

✰

RESULTS

Relationship Level: SOULMATES

THE MOON and THE STAR are lovers destined for greatness. Ordinarily, THE MOON and THE STAR are fated to never meet, so fate must be on your side to bring the two of you together!

Your first date: 02/14/2023

02/14/2023 Meaning: There’s no explanation necessary. Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year!

Days since your first date: 143

143 Meaning: 1-4-3 is a common abbreviation for the phrase “I LOVE YOU.” Usage of this number in popular culture dates back to 1915, when LIGHTHOUSE keeper Winfield Scott Thompson would flash 1-4-3 from the lighthouse to express his love for his wife and children. Though having fallen slightly out of usage, 1-4-3 remains as one of the most prominent numbers for love in the universe.

Conclusion: You are destined for each other, but even if the universe had no part in you meeting and falling in love, we’re sure you’d have found each other somehow and fallen in love just as hard! Love is a choice, and you already know that you’ve done good on that.

Thank you for using our services! Have a wonderful day.

✰

Levi lets go of your hand, but before you can whine about it, your breath gets taken away when he takes out his phone to take a picture of the sheet, and as soon as he’s done with that, he tucks the sheet into one of the thicker pamphlets he has on him to keep it from creasing.

“You’re not allowed to make this one into stars, okay? We’ll get a frame for it on the way home.”

You smile shyly, squeezing his hand again.

“I’d love that.”

Levi’s terrifyingly good at all of the festival games.

All of them.

You’ve never really paid any mind to them before, seeing as they’re all scams anyway, but when there’s a cute plush rabbit that you can’t help but stare longingly at, Levi hands the worker some cash before you can even tell him you don’t need it.

This first game is one you particularly hated growing up: the ring bottle toss.

You never indulged in it the same way your friends and family did, but you’d practically feel their misery when they’d inevitably lose after spending a ridiculous amount of money on it.

But that’s not what happens here.

By some stroke of luck (or skill, since Levi’s apparently great at everything), he gets the red ring around one of the bottles within the first 5 throws, and after the worker hands him that bunny plushie you were staring at, Levi gives the rest of his ring basket to the kid playing next to him and lets you have the stuffed animal.

And because neither of you care for any of the rides that surround you (and because you think he doesn’t want the day to end yet), Levi makes it his life mission to win every single carnival game you come across.

The darts, the bean bag toss, the skee-ball, the basketball, the test of strength.

All of them, he wins with just a single purchase of play.

Before you know it, your arms are full with plush animals, and one of the event volunteers has to run off to grab you a large clear plastic bag to put them all into so they don’t fall.

The sound of the bells that get rung when Levi wins something seems to get louder every time, and even though it's a bit silly, you think it might be the sound of love.

You can feel the glares of other festival-goers, all of them jealous that your boyfriend is so good at these games, but when you so much as express mild discomfort over it, Levi takes the bag from you and bears the brunt of the staring himself.

“Fuck you,” he says to a particularly envious group of teenagers laughing at the two of you. “My girlfriend deserves all the fucking stuffed pandas and teddy bears and whatever other fucking animals there are, and I’ll be damned if I can’t win all of them for her.”

And even though Levi gets kicked out of this section of the festival before he can win all the stuffed animals there, you reassure him that you’re more than happy with what he’s won for you today, and you give him a kiss on the cheek as thanks.

He looks away from you, and he returns the act of affection to you before excusing himself to the restroom to wash his hands before you both leave.

As you’re waiting for Levi to come back, you wait at a bench nearby, scrolling on your phone and holding upright the bag of prizes.

“Excuse me, miss?” A small voice calls out in front of you. “Can I ask you a question?”

You look up to see a young girl, probably no older than ten, and when you’re sure that you’re the one she’s talking to, you set down your phone. You see who you assume are her parents in the close-enough distance, seeing as they offer you embarrassed expressions as their child goes up to a stranger to ask her a question.

You send them a smile to reassure them that you’re fine with it, and you nod to the girl in front you. “Sure, go ahead.”

The girl fiddles with her fingers nervously before pointing at something in your prize bag. “Which game did you win that rabbit at? My mommy and daddy said they’d let me play for it.”

You lean forward to get a better look at what she’s pointing at, and you recognize it as the first one Levi won for you tonight.

You frown, knowing that there’s practically no way that she’d be able to win it on her own. “Oh, the ring toss.”

She seems to share your sentiment because she frowns too, looking back at her parents. “Oh…”

She looks like she’s about to cry, which you really can’t fault her for because she’s just a child, but before you can try to console her, Levi comes and clears his throat next to you.

“I can just win another one for her.”

You look at him, blinking. “We just got kicked out from that section.”

He scoffs. “And? It’s not like we were in the wrong. It’s not going to take that long anyway, we’ll just run if we see the person that made us leave.”

By now, the girl is looking up at you and Levi, eyes now glossed over with adoration for your boyfriend’s game skill, and you decide that he’s right.

You let him pull you up off the bench, and the girl guides you back to her parents to tell them what’s going on. The couple thanks you for your time, and even though Levi refuses to acknowledge it, you really do think he’s the sweetest.

✰

“So, is he your first love?” The girl’s mother asks.

The two of you are standing a bit further back away from the game itself, just barely out of earshot of the booth.

Embarrassed, you tear your eyes away from Levi to look at the woman next to you and nervously laugh. “Is it that obvious?”

She laughs good-naturedly and nods her head. “It is, but I’m a teacher, so I know a girl in love for the first time when I see it.”

You glance back at Levi and smile sheepishly, heart overflowing as you see him showing the young girl and her father how to throw the rings. You saw him tuck a ring away into his pocket at the start of the game, just in case they run out and he has to make the final throw, and there’s just no way to describe the way you feel right now just watching him.

“Yeah, I very much am just a girl in love,” you tell her, turning away from that scene in front of you to face her.

The woman in front of you sighs happily. “You two are the cutest,” she coos. “But really, thank you so much for helping us! I used to come here with my husband before we were married, and we’d waste all our money on this darn game!”

You laugh good-naturedly and nod. “Yeah, I hated ring toss when I was growing up.”

The bell gets rung by the game attendant, and you look over to see the girl excitedly pointing to the plush rabbit. Levi walks over to you, not wanting to intrude on the moment for the father and daughter, but before the woman can thank your boyfriend, you recognize the security person that kicked you out of this section, and you have to cut your goodbyes short to get the two of you out of there.

Levi looks back in the direction you’re coming from to see that security person, and he takes the bag of prizes from you so that you have an easier time running out of the festival grounds and to the car.

It’s quite fun, actually.

Kind of like when you and him ran through the parking lot in the rain, but not really like that at all.

You and Levi stop running when you’re at the parking lot, and when you're back in the car and about ready to go, he clears his throat before breaking the silence. 

“I overheard what you said. About me being your first love.”

You freeze.

Neither of you have broached the subject of past lovers, but you decided for yourself that you wouldn’t ask because you couldn’t bear even the thought of him loving another person the way he loves you.

You don’t make much mention of your lack of dating history, but you’d be lying if you didn’t at least think that it’d be better for him to assume you’ve had a partner or two in the past.

Fuck, if he knows that he’s your first love, then how’s he supposed to feel when you’re definitely not his?

He’s definitely awkward, but you assume that that’s just because he hasn’t dated in a while, and he’s a few years older than you, so there’s no way that he hasn’t already had his first love.

You’ve heard stories about how people treasure their first loves. They hold them close to their hearts forever, even if they get married to someone else in the future, and as cynical as that seems to be, that’s just how love is, right?

People never forget their first, and you might’ve scared him off if he knows he’s yours, especially when you’re not his, and-

You’re snapped back to reality when he awkwardly leans over to bump your shoulder with his.

Turning to face him better, you frantically wave out your hands in front of you. “I’m so sorry! I understand that your first love is a big deal, you don’t have to feel bad that I’m not yours!”

You nervously dart your eyes in every conceivable direction to avoid his gaze, but he stops your franticness with a reassuring hand on your thigh.

“You don’t have to be sorry, I didn’t have a first love before I met you.”

You blink.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

And then you laugh.

Fucking Christ almighty, you were building yourself up to be so worried about nothing.

Levi leans over you to wipe away the tears escaping your eyes, both from relief and this very specific underlying anxiety about your relationship.

And you’re proven wrong again.

Even though it’s not what you expected, when he leans in to kiss you to give you the reassurance you’re both too shy to ask for, and you hear both of your hearts slowing in sync, you’re sure this is what love sounds like.

Day 143

Levi’s never bothered to keep track of the days before.

Sure, he knows what day of the week it is or what season it is because of the weather, but even then, everyone’s pretty understanding of the fact that he just… doesn’t really care.

It’s never really been an issue for him to lose track of the numbers and dates, especially in these last couple of years where he’s just been too preoccupied with other things to really care about whether it’s one specific day or another.

And of course, he knows that he has to know what exact day it is because he has to set up meeting with clients, so it’s not like he’s totally unaware of how much time passes when he’s busy navigating life.

But really, it’s in spite of himself that he’s found himself keeping track of the number of days since the two of you have been dating.

He marks that number in the margins of his plain staff-issued desk calendar, and after he’s done putting away whatever random pen he’s used to write it, he smiles to himself before going about his day. Before he goes to bed, he'll take the calendar with him to his bed to write down what he loved most about you that day, and he goes to sleep with wishes to dream of you and the infinite things he finds perfect about you.

He’s especially smiley today because it’s been 143 days since he’s started dating you, and even though neither of you take the bus anymore and his collection of paper stars continues to grow beyond however many he had when you first started dating, he holds the number close to his heart.

Even though the date itself is ultimately unimportant, his date with you later tonight is enough for him to care that it’s the 14th of November.

Fuck, just calling it a date makes him excited.

He made a gift for you and everything, too, even if it's just another insignificant day.

Was it worth all the papercuts?

No. Levi needs his hands to work.

But would he do it a million times over just for you?

Absolutely, so he slaps on the thousands of band-aids he needs to cover up the splits of skin.

Today’s a Tuesday, though, so he has to make it through the seemingly (never ending) carousel of clients before he can declare himself done with work for the day.

Not that his date with you won’t occupy an entire day’s worth of thoughts.

Regardless, he still has to work, so he has to abandon his paramount romantic thoughts for ones more concentrated on building structure and design theory.

He cares about his work, obviously, but can the day fucking pass already so he can fuss about how to do his hair?

✰

Every single fucking time.

Every single fucking time Levi’s at your front step, he thinks he’s going to have a fucking heart attack.

The seconds that pass between when he knocks and when you open the door are probably the longest in his entire fucking life, and even though he tries his best not to worry, his heart just can't handle it.

This time, he has a bundle of white roses for you, and when you open the door, he thinks he's going to actually fucking collapse to the ground when he sees that you have a bouquet of white lilies for him.

And of course, he's going to have a heart attack because he thinks you're the most beautiful person to ever step foot on Earth.

Actually, no, that's a lie.

You're the most beautiful being in the entire fucking universe.

And seeing as you've both planned to wear matching blue as a callback to Valentine's Day, he's thrown back in time to that day.

He can't even remember most of the details of that day, he's never forgotten the feeling that he felt when he saw you that day.

Okay, actually, that's a lie too.

He does remember everything. The way you talked, the way you fiddled with your necklace as you talked on the phone with Hange, the way you folded the paper stars with the dark blue napkins.

And of course, the way your eyes lit up with all the stars in the sky, but he thinks he's going to fucking die if he lets his mind stay on that thought for longer than a second.

Thankfully, you're just a tiny bit more graceful of a lover than he is, and you lean forward to kiss him before taking the bouquet of roses from him and putting both bundles of flowers on your table. You close the door behind you, and he dumbly holds out his right hand for you to take.

You giggle, taking it. "Still not going to tell me why you only like holding my left hand?"

Levi melts into your touch, but that doesn't make him budge. "It's not that I don't like holding your right hand, I just want to hold your left."

The reason is so fucking stupid that he doesn't even want to admit it to himself, but maybe he'll tell you one day.

"If you don't tell me, what else am I supposed to think?" You muse playfully, swinging your hands as you walk down the hallway of your apartment.

Levi rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. He knows full well that you're alright not knowing, and it's become a bit of a joke between the two of you.

"That I hate you?"

"Exactly!" You beam. "Also, I know I've already asked a million times already, but are you sure you're okay? Papercuts really aren't supposed to happen this often," you ask, rubbing your thumb over his.

He squeezes your hand in his, looking away sheepishly.

Even if his hands do slightly sting, he hopes that it'll all be worth it to see the smile on your face later tonight.

✰

The car ride is filled with conversation about the intricate web of drama you both retell to one another about your work colleagues. After so many days spent together, he knows everyone in your department from top-to-bottom, and it's exactly the same for you.

The restaurant he's taking you to tonight is one neither of you have tried, but even though Levi used to be quite apprehensive about trying out new places to eat, he likes to think that being with you has challenged him to be a bit more adventurous in the mundane.

When you arrive, there isn't anything particular new or different about this night other than the setting.

You and Levi have developed a comfortable routine: pretend to look at the menu, order, ask for paper napkins, fold them into stars before the food comes, eat, hand those stars to each other to have as keepsakes after dinner ends, go home.

It might not seem like that's enough to keep the love alive, but Levi knows that it's more than enough.

And even though this love is comfortable, it's still exciting.

The things Levi learns from you, and more importantly, about you, have him on his toes at all times, and he imagines it's the same for you. There's plenty of things in life to experience together for the first time too, and even if those things are new, it's still comfortable because it's you and it's him.

Levi doesn't need fiery, burning love.

Fuck, he wouldn't even want it if it was offered to him.

He wants this.

You, him, and all of the nothing in the world.

He'll give you the world if you want it, but he doesn't need it when he's got all that he needs right in front of him.

He's got half the mind to know not to propose just 143 days into dating, but he thinks that he'd say something adjacent to that when the time comes.

Tonight, time passes slowly as conversation flows, food gets eaten, paper gets folded, and payments get paid, but the whirlwind of love that surrounds the two of you still is there, and before he can catch his breath after stealing kisses from you at red lights, you and him are on your couch, kissing again without the added adrenaline of crashing the car.

You pull away from the kiss, and you lazily throw your arms over his shoulders, humming sleepily against his neck.

"Happy 143 days, love."

The announcement throws Levi off guard, because in every single scenario of this night that he's run through in his mind, every single one of them had you not knowing that today was the 143rd day of you dating.

His brain short circuits, and he feels you pull away.

"It's okay if you didn't know, it's not a big deal," you reassure him, petting his hair with a soft smile.

Levi frantically shakes his head, going to take the gift out of his suit pocket. "You fucking idiot, of course I know what day it is."

"You do?"

Levi nods. "Yeah, I mark the days on my calendar at home."

His fingers wrap around the box, but before he can pull it out to give to you, you push him down onto the couch and wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace, kicking your feet. "That's so cute! My boyfriend is so, so, so cute! I love my boyfriend so much!" You cheer, peppering his face with lipstick-kisses.

The box falls out of his pocket and onto the ground beneath you, landing with a small thud.

Levi wants to lay down and enjoy it, he really does, but he's too worried that the gift will get lost underneath the furniture if he doesn't get it immediately, so he gently pushes you up off of him before reaching down to get it.

Thankfully, you don't take it negatively and just wait patiently as he readjusts himself and clears his throat, a dumb, lovesick smile still on your face.

He holds out the box to you, and you get up from the couch after giving him another kiss.

"Wait here, I have a gift for you too."

Now it's his turn to wait, and even though it's not as bad at the feeling he gets when he waits for you to open the door, it's still pretty fucking intense.

You got him a gift too?

Fuck, this is just like when the two of you would fucking force each other to take boxes of tea every other week. Levi still hasn't gotten through all of it, and neither of you.

In retrospect, it was a wildly immature excuse to keep seeing each other, but if that's what had to happen for Levi to feel as much joy as this, he'd happily buy a million more boxes of raspberry tea.

It's not like those exchanges ever stopped anyway.

You and him get each other flowers on every single date, you come over with desserts for him whenever he's too busy to come see you, he comes over to help you clean when you're in need of company, you make tea for each other with the millions of blends you still have in your kitchens.

And yet, even after everything that's happened, it still doesn't feel like that's enough to repay the lifetime of love that he's already been able to experience with just that very first batch of shortbread and earl grey tea you gave him after the shrimp fried rice incident.

He's stolen from his thoughts when you come back and sit next to him on the couch, the weight of your shoulder leaning against his.

You hold out a small box to him, almost identical in size to the one he has for you. "Can you open mine first?" You ask, the rosy pink on your cheeks radiating warmth next to him.

Levi nods, and you straighten up to look at him properly.

And his heart gets caught in his throat when he sees that inside the box is paper stars, all different shades of grey, neatly folded and arranged to fit well inside the box. There's small spots where ink seeps through the paper, and Levi can make out a few letters that show on the face of the star.

Well, Levi's going to have a good laugh about this after he stops crying.

Tears prick the corners of his eyes almost immediately, but he makes no effort to stop them.

"I wrote 143 things I love about you on them," you confess shyly, looking down at your lap. "I know that's super corny and that it probably wasn't worth the effort, but I thought it'd be kinda cute, especially since I wrote a message for you on one before we started dating, and I..."

As you drone on, Levi stops paying attention your words, and he revels in the image in front of him.

Even though he's sat here a million times before, in this exact same position, you've never looked more beautiful to him than right now, with your lipstick all smudged from the kisses you leave on his skin. Your face and ears are flushed in a muted red, and as you talk, your lips move frantically, forming words that go in one ear and out the other. Still, he lets himself soak in the tone of your voice as you speak absolute fucking gibberish to him, and he thinks you look stunning, even with your mind totally lost in its own confusion.

Levi shuts you up with a kiss, careful not to be too rough and knock the stars out of their box. He pulls away, and he forces his gift into your hands after he swiftly wipes some of his tears away.

"You don't have to explain yourself, I think we're both on the same page here," he whispers breathlessly.

He hears you hold your breath as you open the lid to the box to see the pale yellow stars he's folded for you, and despite his best efforts to not spill them, both sets of stars fall to the floor as you tackle him in another hug.

This time, instead of singing praises, Levi just hears sniffles from you. You let out a laugh through your own tears, and even though Levi knows that he really should pick up the stars before they're crushed by the weight of your bodies, he wants to stay here, in the kind, loving arms of the stranger from bus 143.

He lets himself cry, and the two of you just hold each other while you wait for the overwhelming feelings to pass.

When you pull away from each other, your arms get tangled together when you both go to wipe the other's tears. He lets you go first, your gentle hands blotting at the red on his face, and when you're done, he tugs the sleeve of his shirt a bit longer to wipe away the love that still overflows from your heart and spills from your eyes.

You and him look down at the mess on the ground, now composed of 286 paper stars, and you laugh before dragging him down to the floor with you to start reading them to each other.

And even though it’s not what he expected, when his tired hands unravel yet another a yellow paper star to tell you what he loved about you on the most mundane of days, and you smile at him like he's the moon itself, he's sure this is what love feels like.

✰

Next Chapter

[phoenixwrites]

Why did u decide to tell us they were together? I'm glad u did. Im just curious why u did. ☀️🌙

I don't know if there was a clear decision made about being open with it? I'm kind of used to just...posting whatever I want (as I have done on my personal tumblr since 2012) and it didn't really occur to me that other people might have a problem with it or freak the fuck out about it. For me, it was just another cute interest.

Perhaps it was naive. But I'd posted about my enjoyment of Brent Bailey and Joanna Sotomura's relationship from Emma Approved (still sad it ended, but happy they're both in happy relationships now--Joanna's married!) and Tom Holland and Zendaya and Hilarie Burton and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (who also kept their relationship secret until like after their first kid) and hell, I remember being absolutely certain Avril Lavigne and her guitarist Evan Taubenfield were dating (AND I WAS RIGHT LIKE WHAT A GREAT CATCH FOR ME AS A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD) and I suppose I innocently thought that it would be the same kind of vibe.

I severely underestimated how fucking psychotic Quinnies are and how fuckin' weirdly aggressive they are against Grace and her relationship with Joe.

And there's a fair amount of stubbornness and spite mixed in too. Like, the moment antis started harassing me about it, the more incensed I got about them telling me what I could and couldn't post and then I just continued because I enjoyed their wailing and gnashing of teeth and oh boy am I going to be insufferable come June, I hope all of them cry.