#just changes your inherent value in your eyes. shit.

[bbqhooligan]

qm i always gonna be out of the loop wih the rest of the human population. cuz of the. cuz of the years spent in a frozen state inside my mind

[vengefulvermin]

Can i get more passage of time/music development yapping ☹️☹️☹️??? I give you official permission to yap the most you can im so interested

YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE THIS ASK

warning beneath the cut SCARY WALL OF TEXT WARNING 😱

decided to divide it into colored parts if you dont gaf about certain elements 😭

second warning all of this is unedited rambling so some points might contradict each other or just plain not make sense.

okay so for CONTEXTTTTT

i have diagnosed OCD, and like, roughly since the end of last year and the beginning of this one, the 'obsession' part of OCD that was negatively affecting me, was the concept of time. how fleeting it was. how it's basically unescapable ALL THINGS MUST PASS (get out of my head george harrison) that shit proper cold dead SCARED ME MAN. sleepless & haunting me in my dreams type shi. sometimes it still does. i try not to think about it too much

to cope, i found great comfort in the 70s-80s since at the time i was and still am hyperfixated on david bowie and that was sort of his prime (love his 90s-00s work tho.) i was also starting to think of how much parallels and similar experiences i have to previous generations and how it's not ALL that bad after all so far. i can still walk to a record store and roller skate if i really wanted to, or go to a diner.

okey here's where the life changing stuff happens. i decided i'd listen to pink floyd's the dark side of the moon. then TIME CAME ON. ohhhh god oh gosh golly god i was bawling and everything the whole song spoke to me on a molecular level. then i found out about DB's song also called time, and i ALSO crode to that. i was like. wow. i'm not alone on this feeling of utter desperation and helplessness as eventually all things Must Pass. (GEORGE HARRSION GTFO)

i used to be bitchy on how i whined i was part of the 'wrong generation.' i thought i was alone, but virtually everyone of almost every era has thought this. somebody who lived my dream life wished they had what i have now.

that's when i started to lowkey realize the parallels and oneness of human experience. i could go to a club in the 70s, and (granted the infrastructure and music remains similar) i could today. nothing would change on how i perceive events. there is no color filter on the past. unless you got huge TVs and stuff all over your house, you could walk around, and think it's the 80s. AND IT'S BASICALLY THE 80s. the way your parents or any other gen Xer saw the world with their *eyes* (not counting the changes in buildings and stuff) is the same as you today pretty much.

i already really enjoy subcultures, and particularly how they evolve and adapt. the indomitable human spirit prevails no matter how gentrified or 'banned' things become. nowadays i feel like there is No Youth Subcultures. at least, none that will pass the test of time and be memorable enough to be remembered in the books. nobody's gonna go to their child and proudly say: "when i was your age, i was a chav" or something. and i credit this to the lack of creativity allowed in the wider music industry.

HEAR ME OUT this is because 90% of youth subcultures had everything to do with music. and now, everything must be palatable. to be clear there's nothing inherently wrong with that type of music, but to me it speaks no soul. it has no risks. contemporary pop music is very much formulaic and this is because now more than ever entertainment (this also applies to movies btw) is more of an investment than passion. I WILL SPECIFY.

music production is so vastly different genre to genre, and we're not letting it flourish because of how much short form content is valued nowadays. LET ME COOK.

tiktoks are formulaic. algorithms are formulaic. WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. there must be an instant hook or rift in music if you want to 'go viral' as a musician. digitized fame doesn't mean SHIT (to me), since clearly monthly listeners don't equate real world fans. album sales are being replaced with streams, and because of how ASS spotify treats its artists, newer, less established acts need to GET ON THE GRIND INSTANTLY to earn Coin. that means that to be smart and work with the exploitative system they're given, they have to make albums filled with 1 minute 30 second songs. so you can technically give them the most amount of streams possible. i feel with this formulaic approach, you can't get 6 minute long gutwrenching guitar pieces. no more 4 minute drum solos, hell avant garde experimental works were 2 people shout their names out at each other for 20 minutes. THERE ARE NO MORE FRANK ZAPPAS.

i'm not going to be one of those sad assholes who claim there's 'no more good rock music' and how it'll never be the same. as corny as this is, the next beatles or nirvana could be right under our noses and we'll NEVER know because of how fame is distributed. it sucks to see a small band beg on tiktok for streams to kickstart their career. but this is what we gotta work with. if we want subcultures to be created and thrive, we gotta go looking underground again, except unlike in the past it's a kajillion times easier now AND everything gets gentrified in 2 tiktok weeks. but this is evolution. MUSIC EVOLUTION

the end honk shoo honk shoo (it's midnight)

[saintsenara]

lux aurumque sirius black & james potter teen | 3.6k words

he is not james, with the golden-snitch glitter of gryffindor righteousness in his marrow. he had to beg the sorting hat not to send him to slytherin, not to deck him in silver and green like his father and his father's father before him, and every day he has to wake up and keep trying to be worthy of the chance at a transformed life it gave him.

seven dawns which change sirius black.

author's notes under the cut

this piece was written, like so many good things are, because i thought somebody was wrong on the internet.

specifically, it was written in response to a piece of writing in which sirius - spared azkaban after pettigrew was arrested for somewhat spurious reasons - was remarkably unconcerned by james’ death, and happy to leave harry to his own devices at the dursleys if it meant he could reconnect with the pureblood world of his birth.

i understand the motivation behind this characterisation. the artist-currently-known-as-fanon-sirius [who is found almost exclusively in marauders-era stories, and almost exclusively in a relationship with remus lupin] has probably become in recent years the most dominant version of the character in fanfiction. fanon sirius, who is a short, goofy, dim-witted, emotionally fragile baby bean, is best friends with his aspiring terrorist brother, often happy to be treated like shit by his boyfriend, and so achingly cool that muggle bands ought to be paying him to listen to their music.

i get why this portrayal of sirius pisses people off. but it seems to have inspired in return what we might call dark aristocrat sirius, who is a wizengamot-seat-touting posho who misses the patrician world of his birth; who is proud of being pureblood, thinks it matters, thinks it makes him different, and thinks that it does make him more important than people like lily; who thinks that his parents’ insistence that to be a black makes you "practically royal" isn’t eye-rolling pretension with no basis in reality, but true; whose love for his cousins is never subsumed by his loathing at who they are and what they’ve become; and who thinks of his relationship with james as no more significant to him than his relationship with any of the pureblood friends of his childhood.

but this is a portrayal of sirius which is just as removed from his canon character as the tiny giggling pixie of the marauders fandom. in particular, it completely overlooks one of sirius’ most significant roles in the harry potter series: what his life and his decisions illustrate about the value of choice.

because sirius’ entire narrative purpose is that he shows to harry that - in an astonishingly lineage-based society, where your name and background dictate almost everything about your life - you can still choose to defy your family if standing against them is the right thing to do. sirius explicitly rejects his parents’ and his cousins’ blood-supremacy, he rejects the idea that his family line is owed inherent loyalty, he rejects the idea that blood purity is ontologically meaningful. he almost certainly misses aspects of his childhood and regrets what he has been made to do to take a stand against blood-supremacist terror - including, as he notes in lux aurumque, the fact that he is aware that many of the death eaters he’s fighting to kill are his own flesh-and-blood - but he has rejected the overarching social structures which defined his early life utterly. he may struggle with his decision sometimes, but it is a decision he chooses - every single day - to make and re-make.

[hence my longstanding headcanon, explored in this piece and quoted above, that - like his godson - he asks the sorting hat not to put him in slytherin.]

sirius’ initial defiant choice is canonically triggered - as per snape’s memories in deathly hallows - by his introduction to the defining relationship of his life: james.

james is fascinating within the series’ theme of choice, because he’s clearly someone to whom being "good" comes easily - all his family have been in gryffindor, he is instinctively opposed to blood-supremacy and everyone he knows is the same, he faces none of the social or familial pressures [to find a pureblood wife, to socialise exclusively with pureblood friends] that sirius does. and yet he is still someone whose presence upends sirius’ world to a significant enough extent that he changes the course of his entire life to stay close to him.

i have my theory as to why. all the evidence of the text - not least the fact that sirius’ narrative mirror is severus snape, himself in love with the other half of james and lily - is that sirius love for james is not purely platonic. it is this, i think, which better explains the fact that he doesn’t seem to be enormously close to lily [at least until she has to send him the letter ex machina in deathly hallows] than because he feels uncomfortable around her muggleborn pretensions - he’s clearly jealous, but he would rather die than upset james by articulating this. as we see in the opening scene of lux aurumque, he is heartbroken at losing james into the world of marriage and babies, but he knows he cannot cling to him.

and he knows he may have to die for him instead.

the profundity of sirius’ choice - and james’ and all the order’s - stands out the more starkly when we note that all the evidence of canon is that voldemort is winning the first war. lux aurumque deals with the struggle of opting to keep fighting in the face of an overwhelming feeling of futility, opting to keep hoping and trying and loving each other as the bodies pile up and the streets run with blood.

it also deals with realising that others may be making different choices.

reading between the lines of prisoner of azkaban, it is clear that albus dumbledore suspected that sirius was the spy in the order well before october 1981. it is also clear that remus lupin suspected the same thing.

both lupin and dumbledore are people whose stated belief in the power of choice is in tension with the fact that they struggle not to consider certain faults innate. lupin is bogged down by the belief that his lycanthropy is an irredeemable flaw he cannot escape. dumbledore thinks that some people are just born bad [look at how he treats the eleven-year-old tom riddle]. to both of them, sirius - with his brother and cousins paid up members of the death eaters - would be all too easily tempted. that sirius thinks the same about lupin - who he imagines would want to seek protection under voldemort’s wings because his insubstantiality can’t stand up to the force of the war - should not surprise us.

but some things are innate. and one of these is that sirius can be extremely impulsive. much like harry, he tends to leap before he looks. brilliant, in a quidditch match. less ideal when it comes to protecting the love of your life.

in canon, sirius suggests that the secret keeper swap was a spur of the moment decision. in lux aurumque we get a look at how exactly this might have been triggered - i like the idea that the death eaters manipulate him into it, to some extent; not least because this allows pettigrew, who gets treated like a bit of a joke in canon, to be an evil little bastard who is clearly regarded as quite useful by voldemort. i can imagine him chuckling as he sits down to teach the dark lord all about how to exploit his friends’ emotional weaknesses - above all, the fact that sirius may think that james is naive and too trusting, but he would never, ever believe such a thing about himself.

and, when it’s all gone wrong, sirius makes another choice. his decision to remain in azkaban confuses a lot of fans - particularly those who are angry with dumbledore for doing nothing to get him out of prison [which, to be frank, dumbledore can hardly be blamed for - sirius doesn’t open his mouth to speak in his own defence at any point, and all the evidence without him doing that is that he was the secret keeper who betrayed the potters] - but it makes perfect sense for who he is as a character. he considers himself to have "as good as killed" james, and he stays in azkaban because it’s the only way he knows to try and atone for the greatest mistake of his life.

until a visit from the minister and a photo of a rat shows him another.

[two minor points: this piece also addresses the opposite of choice, which is chance. i am aware, before anyone points it out, that the line about voldemort "only having to be lucky once" is a quote from the ira, but it’s a statement that’s both goes incredibly hard and is incredibly true. and its title is taken from the choral piece of the same name, by the composer eric whitacre. its lyrics - lux, calida gravisque pura velut aurum (light, warm and heavy as pure gold) - seemed very fitting for the transformative dawns of this piece, and for the choice sirius has made to be on the side of the light.]

[boneskullravenriver]

Red Rising characters as the tarot.

Thought this would be interesting to do since tarot is another interest I have! 🤭🙏Let me know what you think!

(I'm only using cards from the major arcana for simplicity's sake!) Also, it's been a long while since I read the entire series (I'm currently rereading morning star rn!) So forgive me if this might be inaccurate but I'm going off of what I remember lol.

Darrow: The Chariot

Honestly, I debated on choosing the Death card for him, because Death has to do with change, the closing of one chapter to begin another and a lot of Darrow's journey throughout the book is in line with the qualities of the Death card. But I decided on the Chariot because the aspects of that card does also reflect Darrow: the Charioteer that guides and manages opposing forces, this card is all about overcoming obstacles through maintaining control and keeping on track with your goals. The willpower to rein in the push and pull of all the challenges you face. And he's been through a lot of shit, he's had to swallow down all he felt in order to look to the future, even if he wanted to give up. Darrow, to me, is definitely the Chariot.

Mustang: Strength

I honestly debated on whether or not to catagorize her as Justice, but I settled on Strength. Funnily enough, the Rider-waite depiction of strength has a woman with a lion. (See below)

But I swear that wasn't intentional. But in my eyes, Mustang does embody the qualities of this card. She knows herself and what she values. This card's main aspects is someone who is disciplined and level headed, even in situations where other people might not be like that. In the card, the woman tames the feral lion, not because she's using force or violence, but because she's calm and disciplined. Mustang is smart, and she knows how to play the game of social interaction. And she knows it too. Using that skill to protect the people she loves.

Victra: Wheel of Fortune

Look, I had a bit of trouble with this one. But I settled on the wheel of fortune. Victra is a bit of a wild card to me, and the wheel of fortune is kind of like that.

Adrius/The Jackal: The World (reversed)

Thought I was gonna put him as the Devil, didn't you? XD

Look, I was tempted (pun not intended) but no. To me, Adrius is the World, but in its worst qualities. Instead of the feeling of wholeness and accomplishment that comes from the World, Adrius kinda has the opposite. Especially at the end of Golden son and the beginning of Morning Star. He technically has everything, a high position (I mean, he's archgovenor during MS), people defer to him in some ways. Those are accomplishments. But there's a hole. Incompleteness. He did not get the one thing he wanted: his father's approval and his love. When he didn't get it, he shot his father point blank. He has his sister's ability to play the people game, but without her inherent desire to protect those closest to her. They're definitely mirrors of each other.

Roque: The Hierophant

Roque embodies the Hierophant tbh. It's a card about sticking to tradition and the established status quo. He doesn't want change in Society, because he wholeheartedly believes in the supremacy of Golds. And he has that sort of upright academic vibe (I mean, they literally call him the poet). I can definitely see him drawn as the figure in this card. Just look at it:

Tactus: The Devil

Tactus really is kinda in the grips of the messy soup of that card. Excess, entrapment. Addiction. And in the end, it led him astray even when at the end he wanted to change. He never got a chance to.

Sevro: The Tower

This one was kind of hard, honestly. But I settled on the Tower. Dude's life has been marked by one major change after another. Finding out his friend is Red, finding out his mother is a Red, his father dying and having to take up the mantle of Ares. You know. But this card is about letting that tower fall, it was gonna happen anyway, so you might as well dust yourself off and keep going. Sevro is kind of like that, imo.

Lysander: The Moon

I honestly don't really know how to explain it. And no, NO. it was not because his last name is Lune. I swear to God, that was not intentional. He just gives off the vibes of that card. I'm going to share a screenshot from the website, Labyrinthos. They sum it up better than I can. I think it's pretty clear:

[enneamage]

hi i dont know how to start this so im just going to get right into it

i never understood why twitter got so mad at this clip ever since i saw it live i actually thought i was more good than bad? that might sound crazy but the fact as a 16 year old cis guy got called a lesbian and didnt go "ew im not a LESBIAN!??!" and actually thought about it for a second.

i think thats perfectly normal at that age to wonder that to wonder about your sexual and gender identity. hell i did and i think if i never did that as a teen i would have never accepted the idea of me being a trans guy.

now this brings me to the point of this essay. i think if twitter didnt have a shit party over that clip he would be more comfortable expressing himself femininity and accepting his bisexuality.

sure he doesnt have a problem flirting with guys as we've seen but they've always been less "masc" than his whole "big man" persona i think he finds it easier to flirt with guys (with the exception of ranboo of course) if he views them as more fem or even as a women perhaps

im not one to truthing him being trans or clem being real but im not against it. this also isnt me truthing him as being trans. i think cis people expressing femininity and masculinity is so important male or female (femininity and masculinity are ALWAYS put as things that go inherently together, but for some reason theyre never put as things that compliment eachother but thats a whole different topic)

but what do i really know? i dont have an audience of 12 million on youtube and 7 miliion on twitch i cant imagine that many eyes on you just waiting to judge you on your every move

Anon I admire the drive but I’m afraid you’ve sent this to the person who authored the “Tommy being Bi won’t fix him” post, so I must stick to my convictions on this one.

(As an aside, for those who don’t know, meet Clementine!)

I was not directly around for The Lesbian Moment, but I think I heard the gunshots down the street. I think it’s hugely under-emphasised how everyone was on the back of a world-changing mass death event spread out over the course of at least two years around that time, and the way that it (reasonably, all things considered) affected the way people handled stress. People were very sensitised to a lot of things, and it doesn’t surprise me that this would be a case where zooming out from what the problem was ‘supposed to be about’ would reveal a massive soup of situational stressors looking for a fracturing point to express themselves.

As thousands of people were all suddenly shoved online to share the same spaces, the social processes involved with creating norms and group standards had tons of gas thrown on them. It was going to be messy no matter what, people were electing scapegoats left and right to set social standards about what was and wasn’t acceptable. This is grim but important context (Tw), lockdown was horrific for rates of at-home physical and sexual abuse. Being a woman online in general is a state of psychological warfare against an objectifying culture. I remember talk about how his audience was divided even then, a group of lesbians were like “hell yeah we can let Tommy join /nsrs” and then another group were not even remotely okay with that even as a joke.

People were sensitised to feeling invaded in a time where lockdown had personal agency down to record lows, especially for teenagers and children. In a world where you have next to no agency or personal control over your circumstances, having a say in dominant moral narratives and the accepted behavior of people skyrockets in value, because you’re constantly in other people’s power. People were profoundly invested in the few square inches of control that they could/did have, so they were deeply reactive with it. A lot of pandemic reactivity was the behavior of people who felt over-activated and cornered, so while it’s possible to critique the outrage and take it apart on the terms that it presented itself on, it’s important to understand it as part of a whole as well.

👏 ON TO THE GAY SHIT

I feel like what goes into Tommy flirting with each of the men he’s flirted with in the past has been a little bit different. Tubbo seemed like possessive best friend claiming mushed into a straight lens with a side of teasing (I like girls, I like Tubbo, Tubbo is girl.) Ranboo was a fascinating intersection of girlfriend sublimation and flirtation to raise his self-esteem, also a bit of an apology for the not-so-passive-aggression from when it looked like Ranboo had “stolen” Tubbo. I wasn’t around for TimeDeo, but fuck it, that counts too. I don’t think that the majority of his homosocial flirting was to make himself seem more masc, especially with Ranboo. (I’ll spare you examples but that particular stretch has some moments.)

Tommy had a ‘playing toughguy’ problem when he was younger, and it contributed to some of his worst habits in terms of what came out of his mouth. I would have attributed a lot of this to his environment, the influences that he related to both positively (edgy youtubers) and negatively (macho schoolmates.) He was very teenage boy, but even then he had an off-beat streak that I impressionistically related to as more femme, even when he was being abrasive. Ever since being forcibly civilised through Wilbur and the forces of the internet he’s had much less of that, but his femme streak has stayed in some form or another, just evolving to fit what’s needed of him at a given time.

The rate at which Tommy being a cishet man comes up as a genuine issue that people feel compelled to try and see resolved is interesting, even as someone who occasionally feels it myself. Like there’s got to be something to unpack in that dynamic, that whatever behavioral issue he’s experiencing at a given time feels tied to his identity as a cishet male and something that can be revised if he had the right personal revelations. The issue is, I just don’t think it’s true, or at least wouldn’t make the difference that some people would want it to make. Some of his problems could even be tied up in his Englishness, and that’s straight up incurable. It’s hard for me to imagine that having a sexuality related revelation would make that big of a difference in the grand scheme of… him as a person. He’s got a lot of moving parts.

I do feel some frustration on behalf Tommy in terms of being a target of essentialist thought. He’s not allowed to be as camp as he probably wants to be because it comes off as offensive to gay culture, and he’s not allowed to be overtly femme because people are strict about policing gender expression right now if a given person doesn’t take on a certain label that corresponds with it. He’s assumed to have the worst intentions if he isn’t directly part of a certain group, and he really is clumsy with things that he doesn’t understand so he can be better off sometimes keeping his hands inside his box, but it’s still kind of sad to see the roundabout way that these binaries re-enforce themselves with someone like him. At the same time, try not to mourn over ‘what could have been’, because it’s still a form of essentialism to think that having traits more commonly associated with non-cishet identity would solve his problem-of-the-week, and there’s no guarantee that’s the case.

[hekateinhell]

7 and/or 18 💖

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

answered here!

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

This was one of the ones I was scared to get lol but I'll try! Don't get me wrong, flattery gets you everywhere with me but actually picking out something that *I* like from my own fics? Can't think of a thing tbh, so I went with the scene that's been the hardest one for me to write so far - just because the content is pretty heavy (for me), and it took a few changes and rewrites to get to where I was satisfied with it as a plot device.

(Our House, Chapter 3 spoilers)

Armand and a girl; maybe seventeen, eighteen years old. Beautiful, high Slavic cheekbones, smudged eyeliner accenting her light blue eyes, dark hair. Armand halfway behind her, his hands cupping her bare tits, fake vampire fangs in his mouth, his head turned slightly to mimic biting her throat.

"Eleni," Armand said.

And Lestat, he's there too. He's taking the selfie, pupils blown wide, his cheek pressed to the girl's head, blond hair everywhere, an arm going around her head to rest his hand on Armand's shoulder. Not inherently sexual, more familial than anything, the three of them laughing; a teen's photo for fun and mild shock value.

[So this was where I had to decide how exactly I wanted Armand to present the history of his relationships with his ex-girlfriend and Lestat to Daniel. We get a bit more from Armand's POV later, but it doesn't really expand beyond what we're shown here. This is what's relevant to Armand right now, and this is what he wants Daniel to know. The rest will come later (when I decide what the hell "the rest" is). One of the best writing tips a friend gave me is: even if you're writing from just one person's POV, you need to know what the other people in the scene are thinking.]

Armand passed the phone to him wordlessly, mentally checking out. Daniel could see it in the dimness of his eyes, in the tiredness of his shoulders. Emotional or chemical—something drug-induced? Daniel had no way of knowing.

[Concerned Husband Danny is my fave, this was one of his times to shine. I wanted to make sure he's hyperaware of Armand right now, not taking his eyes off him for a second.]

"Just like Paris."

"She's pregnant here," Armand reached up and tapped the screen. And, dear God, was that a great distraction or what?

[Oh shit! moment, hopefully for the reader and Daniel both.]

"Really?" Yours? went unsaid. Armand heard it anyway.

He nodded, barely. "We were so young... Just reckless, stupid street kids that had no way of knowing better. But I loved her, and she loved me."

[It was important to me that it's clear Eleni was a meaningful and formative romantic relationship in Armand's life, even though he's older and married to a man now. He's bisexual, and Eleni was truly his first love.]

"Is she still in France?" Daniel asked, perpetually curious to a fault. It was the reporter in him. He was an intelligent man, he'd already figured out the loaded implications behind a child Armand never mentioned to him before. Abortion, most likely, given how young they both looked.

"Eleni?" Armand arched an eyebrow, as if they'd been talking about anyone else.

Daniel nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, she is," Armand smiled in the empty way some people have a tendency to do, "Cimetière des Innocents.”

[My baby boy is broken inside, and I needed y'all to know that. Also, Les Innocents name-drop!]

Damn. "I'm sorry, love." It seemed to Daniel he was saying that a lot lately.

[By this point, it's already been a couple months of drama, and Daniel's gotten one bombshell aside from this one dropped on his head tonight. He's a saint of a man, but every person has a limit before they start burning out and idk if y'all noticed... but Armand in this fic... he's a lot, okay?]

Armand sighed, "Do you know what she said?"

Rhetorical question, and he continued, "She said it was a miracle, that it was God himself giving us a second chance. Telling us to clean up our act, get clean, find other ways to survive, to provide. And I believed it too."

[This part was weird for me because I was trying to tap into what a girl who'd been raised with a Catholic mentality might think. I never said Catholic, but clearly, she was religious to quite a degree and my mind went to Catholic. Kind of trying to channel the CoD fervor into something else here, and also pull stuff from my own life experiences.]

He sighed again, "We were just kids." Armand looked and sounded a lot like a kid just then.

He took a minute to lean against Daniel's arm, playing with the zipper on Daniel's hoodie. Up and down, up and down. Zip, zip, zip. "Well, I guess God changed his mind."

[I feel like Armand is such a classic C-PTSD case in almost every universe I write him. I mean- he is in canon! And reverting to child-like comforting behaviors when confronted with a stressor/trigger can sometimes be part of that, so I tried to have it come out here - as well as emphasize the fact that he feels secure enough around Daniel to act that way in front of him in the first place, instead of retreating into himself and/or masking.]

Daniel gently massaged the spot below Armand's ear, silently urging him to continue.

"The week she was supposed to give birth; it was June, it was so hot already. She went to see her father. She said she wanted him to know, the man who had abandoned his daughter to chase the drink. Oh, he was furious. The neighbors heard him screaming—calling her a whore, a sinner, a useless junkie."

[This one was hard, and unfortunately, it's a common enough scenario in real life. Some children just are unwanted and unloved, and they're treated that way. Definitely hurt to write.]

Armand paused for a breath, letting his head loll against Daniel's shoulder, pressed his face against Daniel's neck as if he wanted to feel his pulse against his skin. "He pushed her down a flight of cement stairs. She hit her head, Danny."

[Originally, I was going to have Eleni die by suicide after having a miscarriage, but just seemed much more potentially triggering to an audience since miscarriages are something many people do experience (though I definitely do tag). Ultimately, I just didn't think it was necessary to go that route to achieve a similar impact. As a writer, this one almost hurts me more because the difference is that in this version, she was excited for her baby and her future with Armand, their little family. She wanted to live!]

Daniel wrapped an arm around Armand's chest and pulled him close, tight enough to hurt. Not lovingly, to comfort, but with the instinctual urge to get him out of harm's way, too many years too late.

And now Daniel knew, or at least he thought did—the reason, or a reason, why. 

A reason Armand had taken such a keen, uncharacteristic interest in the preparations for Lestat and Louis's daughter.

A reason why "introducing" Armand and Lestat had had an outcome akin to throwing a jungle cat and a rabid dog together in a cardboard box. 

A reason behind Lestat and Armand playing Russian roulette now, as Daniel understood it. Using the needle to simultaneously reconjure and numb the memories of who they’d been once upon a time—Lestat, without expectations and responsibilities, wild and free; Armand, about to have a family for the first time in his tragic life, in the worst circumstances possible. 

And, finally, the reason Armand seemingly lost his mind and started begging him for a baby one arbitrary evening in June, out of the clear blue fucking sky.

[Listen... this fic was originally going to be a fluffy, mildly hurt/comfort two chapters. Suddenly, I had to come up with a decent enough reason for Armand to be going off the rails. This is what my brain gave me.]

Armand sat up and reached for the phone in Daniel’s hand, swiping to the left and handing it back to him.

"My only blood family," Armand murmured, touching a blurry ultrasound image on the screen that didn't especially look like anything at all. "A little girl," he smiled, sweet and subdued, the glow remerging only to fade from his eyes, confirming what he knew Daniel had already deduced, “who died along with her mother.”

[Can't lie, this is the one and only time I have ever cried over anything I wrote. I imagined what the baby looked like, if Armand ever got to see her or hold her. I named her. I'm so sad lmao I'm so sorry to end on this note. But this was actually interesting to remember, and I miss this fic in a way I haven't in a while, so thanks for the opportunity to ramble about myself I guess!]

[mari-lair]

Thank you sm for the ask about Teru :D

And I just read your tags and you said you really liked Kou 👀👀 I am curious to know why if that's okay with you :D

Thank you for answering the Teru ask! :D

And absolutely! I'll take any excuses to talk about Kou!

I adore Kou because he is kind, but it’s a very interesting and genuine take on kindness. He isn’t an angel that does no wrong and forgives it all, he is just a 14 years old boy.

He always tries his best to help, and he usually has good intentions but he fails more than anyone. He is naive and reckless: He unconsciously sabotages himself a lot, which ironically hurt people more than helps.

His selflessness is inherently selfish, and he always accepts more than he can take: He promised to always stay on Yashiro’s side. He promised Teru to keep an eye on Hanako and make sure he doesn’t get out of line.

These promises contradict each other, he cannot fulfill the two, so even though his intentions clearly aren’t to hurt anyone he will have to hurt someone. But he is impulsive and he doesn’t seem to fully realize that, so he keeps making even more promises as he goes, promising to increase Yashiro’s lifespan, promise to help Mitsuba...

He betrayed Teru by taking Nene’s side and protecting Hanako despite their deal from the young exorcist arc, he hurt Teru badly, just like he would have hurt Nene, his entire family, and Mitsuba as well, if he truly had become a supernatural.

His goal to make everyone happy is impossible. Is childish.

He wants to be the one to help, but he also wants help. He genuinely does want help, he can recognize he needs guidance and he is desperate for answers, but he doesn’t have available parents, Teru is too biased and busy, No. 5 won’t help, Hanako has been questionable (or ‘a bad friend’ in Kou’s words), and so on. He is shit at asking for help and he also doesn't want Nene and Mitsuba to worry and add to their problems. He refuses to give up tho, so he gets lost inside his own head, he bottle ups deciding to solve it all by himself but clinging to any answer he gets, no matter how suspicious the source (Yes, I am talking about Natsuhiko here).

Kou under values himself a lot. Ironically is what makes him miss the mark and not do what his friends want despite being so good at reading other emotions/ needs (jumping off the rooftop for Mitsuba despite Mitsuba definitively not wanting his friend to die for example-)

It makes sense too, in a twisted way. He was trained to take care of everything by himself: He cleans, cook, babysit, does the laundry, all by himself. He is both 'not good enough' but also 'the last line', so if no one more competent is there to help, he must suck it up and do it himself.

His family is an anomaly that can see supernaturals, so of course he want to find a reason as to 'why' he has this supernatural senses, of course he thinks he is special. In many ways, he really is special!! Even if believing he can 'change the course of how the world work' is pure arrogance. But he is 14 years old, that's self-explanatory.

Despite these flaws, he is a genuinely sweet person that believe in the good of people and overall want to trust those around him. His love goes far deeper than just a trained instinct to take care of others. He had been put on that caretaker role in the first place cause it ‘fit him’, as fucked up as it was, considering he was a eight year old kid the Minamoto family makes me want to cry.

I love the big scenes of him protecting/ cheering up/ loving his friends but I also treasure the small moments of him helping that are short and 'insignificant' but are still constantly there.

I also adore how goofy and silly he is! Just look at him, he really used 'labor pains' as an excuse, I love him so much

And Kou may be naive but he is observant as hell. He knew just what to tell Yashiro to cheer her up in the Donuts chapter. He understood Mitsuba's real wish even when he was still having trouble distinguishing the two Mitsubas. He is the first to notice the supernatural tendency of giving up and settling for a ‘compromise’.

And while he is one of the most open characters he is also constantly changing. In a natural and coherent way.

He is an exorcist that deeply loves his family surrounded by supernatural friends, he has no idea what to do but he will still cling to what he feels is right. Even when he doesn't know what is right, even when it's clearly the hardest path.

He wants to be right about supernaturals being good. He want them to be evil, so he can still be proud of the Minamoto Clan, not feel odd in his own family. He wants Teru to see his ways. He wants Teru to keep being always right. He wants his school friends to be part of his life, he wants them far away from it all. He have so many wants but he tries to ignore them, only focusing on himself when is to focus on his flaws and mistakes, to try to learn from them.

And he is understanding enough to accept these are his wishes, but they aren’t reality. And Kou is constantly shown to hate all that’s fake.

He is a beautiful box of contradiction: He is extremely arrogant yet he lacks confidence. He is a resigned optimist. He is emotionally smart yet dumb when it comes to almost everything else. Extremely strong, fast, and capable compared to normal kids, but with an inferiority complex. He is self-aware yet dense as hell. He is moved by guilt just as much as he is moved by love. He has a savior complex but his ideals aren't unshakable, far from it.

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: He is shaped like a friend! His smile is free joy to me!

[webangchan]

✧✦ (i’m not sorry) i’m dirty ✦✧ lee know x fem!reader 1.4k words kinks & warnings: minho being a little shit, thigh riding, dirty talk, tiny bit of degradation (dirty girl / slut), biting, some sweetness sprinkled in because i can’t help myself.

"I knew that you couldn't resist me."

If you were in your right mind, you'd scoff at Minho's comment and tell him to shut up.  He teases you far too much but you can't really complain because you tease him just as much.  Your relationship is very playful; you joke around, call each other names, and don't take things too seriously unless the situation calls for it.

It's Sunday and since you both always have the day off, it's become your designated chore day.  You'll talk about things that need to be done the day before and split the tasks as evenly as possible that morning.  Minho does laundry, you do the dishes.  Minho cleans the living room, you clean the bathrooms.  It's a system that's always worked so you've never changed it.  The both of you will put on comfy clothes -- sometimes, you'll just stay in the pajamas you wore to bed the previous night -- and get to work.

Today, Minho broke the routine.

Today, Minho put on a pair of shorts.

Innocent enough at face value, but he's never worn shorts on cleaning days before.  It's always an older pair of sweats that are unfit to be worn outside of the house.  A relic left over from his college days that he refuses to part with; they're a bit ratty and the elastic at the waistband is poking out in multiple places.  So imagine your surprise when you enter the living room to see him kneeling on the floor, bent over to get all of the dust bunnies under the couch with the vacuum and instead of seeing the familiar gray sweatpants, you see his (mostly) bare legs.

The sight immediately stops you in your tracks.

You watch him intently until he sits up on his knees and you notice that the shorts only sit about mid-thigh.  Minho turns the vacuum off with a click and sets the wand down on the floor before standing up and wiping his palms on those godforsaken tiny black shorts.

"Where are your sweats?"

Minho jumps slightly and whirls around to look at you.  He's expecting to meet your eyes but your gaze is currently glued to his legs.  More specifically on his thick, toned, beautiful thighs.  Minho snaps his fingers and you're knocked out of your daze, lips curved into a frown when you see how amused your boyfriend is.

"I couldn't find them," Minho says, blinking innocently.  It's a bullshit excuse and you both know it.  "So I just pulled this old pair of shorts from the back of my drawer."

You narrow your eyes at Minho, full of suspicion.  He narrows his eyes right back, daring you to call him out.  Instead of rising to the bait, you simply sigh and continue on your way, heading into the kitchen so you can wash and put away the few dishes left over from breakfast.

After that, Minho does everything in his power to torture you.  He brushes by you in the hallway, hand squeezing your ass quick and dirty.  He hikes his shorts up even higher when reaching for something in the top of a cabinet.  He finds excuses to bend over whenever you’re in the same room as him and you don’t know how much longer you can take it.  Minho is trying to force you into making the first move, make you desperate enough that you’ll seek him out despite your inherent stubbornness.  You’re doing well, you think, and it’s not until you’re both done cleaning that your resolve finally snaps.

You exit the hall bathroom to see that Minho is lounging on the couch, legs spread wide, eyes half lidded once he spots you.  You gnaw on your bottom lip and Minho smirks.  It takes a minute long staring contest for you to finally crumble and stride over to him, crossing the living room in three long steps.

You glare, Minho smiles.

And now you’re in your current predicament, straddling your stupid, infuriatingly sexy boyfriend.  He’s moved you around so that you’re sitting pretty on one of his thighs, your own sweatpants discarded as soon as you stood in front of him.  This leaves you in a pair of cotton panties that are nearly soaked through from you being on edge most of the day.  Minho grips your ass hard and flexes his thigh, his eyes twinkling when you moan and dig your fingers into his shoulders.

“Go on, baby,” he says, using his grip on you to help you start moving.  “Ride my thigh.  Get yourself off like the dirty girl you are.”

“I’m not dirty,” you mumble, cheeks flushed red from arousal and embarrassment.

“Oh?  You’re not?” Minho lets go of your ass to grab your hips firmly enough to keep you still.  “I seem to recall that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of me all day, sweetheart.  Staring at my thighs, thinking naughty thoughts.”

You try to roll your hips and gain some sort of friction, but Minho holds you steady; you’re not going anywhere.  You whine and look down at him with misty eyes.

“It’s okay if you’re dirty,” Minho coos, his own eyes sparkling with adoration and lust.  “I love it.  I love you.  I just wanna hear you say it, baby.”

Feeling a bit overwhelmed for a multitude of reasons, you lean down and kiss Minho, close lipped and fairly chaste.  At first, anyway.  But then you open your mouth, tilt your head, and let Minho take whatever he wants from you.  His tongue swipes across your bottom lip and it leaves you aching.

“I’m dirty,” you whisper into his mouth.  Your eyes burn with unshed tears but you don’t let them fall.  “I’m a dirty girl.  I’m your dirty girl.”

Minho groans, low and deep, and lets up on his grip just enough to start dragging your covered pussy back and forth over his tensed thigh.  You nearly sob in relief at how good it feels, especially when you tilt your hips back just enough for your neglected clit to get some stimulation.  You loop your arms around Minho’s shoulders and tug him in close, your heart hammering in your chest when he kisses your neck and murmurs wonderful, filthy words to you.

My baby.  My love.  My sweet, little slut.  So good for me, rubbing your wet cunt all over my thigh, using me to get off.  Absolutely beautiful.

Minho slips his hands under your panties, grabbing handfuls of your ass, urging you to move faster.  You’re out of your mind at this point, moving without thinking, chasing after an orgasm that is sure to leave you breathless.  Minho licks a spot low on your neck before digging his teeth into your skin and it sets off a chain reaction.  You grip the dark, silky strands of his hair with your left hand, dig your nails into his back with your right, and then you fall apart with your hips stuttering and his name caught in your throat.

Your movements slow and eventually stop altogether, your body slumping against Minho’s chest once you’re fully spent.  His hands leave your ass so he can place them on your back and pull you in even closer, his lips lingering on the imprint his teeth left behind.  You nuzzle your cheek against the side of his head, chuckling when he gripes about you tangling his hair.  Minho quiets down a few seconds later and rubs your lower back, his touch the very definition warm and soothing.

“So.”

You hum in acknowledgement, letting Minho know that you’re listening.

“I guess you like the shorts, then.”

You scoff and lean back so you can look at your boyfriend.  You roll your eyes at the shit eating grin plastered on his face.

“Fuck off, Minho.”

Minho laughs at that, loud and bright.  Without you noticing, he slips his left hand from where it had been resting on your back so he can cup your pussy through your panties.  Your body jerks in surprise and he laughs some more, absolutely delighted by your reaction.

“Actually…” Minho trails off momentarily so he can clearly hear the hitch in your breath when his hand slinks inside of your panties.  He teases your hole with the tip of his middle finger, his cock throbbing in his shorts when you bypass the teasing altogether and sink down on the digit.  You’re so warm and slick; he can’t wait to get his cock inside of you. 

“I’d much rather fuck you.”

[fixyourwritinghabits]

genderqueerbashir: if conversion therapy was presented as a neutral i’d find that sus too 

I think you may be assuming I’m writing this from the perspective of a skinny person. Believe me, I’m not. I’m well aware of the dangerous effects diet culture has on people physically and mentally. I’m well aware of the issues that food deserts, poverty, and mental health have on weight. BMI is a bad system of measurement that fails to account for differing body types (mainly of BIPOC). Eating disorders can occur in kids as young as eight, and eating disorders in men are vastly overlooked. We have a great deal of effort to make toward dismantling negative attitudes toward fatness overall.

However. Weight is complex issue that is different for everyone. Your ethnic background, your body type, your medical history all has an affect on your weight, and this is a very personal, individual thing. Weight loss is neither inherently good nor bad. Weight gain is neither inherently good nor bad. There is no moral value to apply in what often comes down to genetics, class, and medical history. Medication can cause weight loss/gain. The development of certain conditions, like Crohn’s or diabetes, can cause weight loss/gain. Changing your diet for personal or medical reasons can cause weight loss/gain. Shit is complicated from person to person, and there is no moral good or moral failing in either.

Body positive media is a great thing! There’s a reason I brought up Dumplin’, and if you haven’t read Sonya Renee Taylor’s The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love for how to tackle all things tied up in bigotry, well, you should!

thenearsightedmicroraptor: "There is nothing wrong with writing a character wanting to lose weight for health reasons" there! Actually is! [link broke]

thenearsightedmicroraptorBasically dieting is incredibly unhealthy and ineffective and being fat is not unhealthy . Writing a character losing weight and framing that as making them healthier is spreading fatphobic myths, and I would Not recommend it unless your character has body image issues or is severely misled. In which case, that should be shown in the narrative

With great apologies, that link won’t work for me (tumblr why), but I do need to clarify I meant health reasons as ‘this is necessary in order to deal with a specific health issue’ and not ‘being fat is unhealthy, therefore lose weight’. (And to be clear just being fat is not a specific health issue.) I should have been much clearer about that originally, sorry. You are absolutely right, diet culture is bad for you both mentally and physically..

Also some great comments:

jonsnowhites: As a fat person, there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing about a character losing weight. It is a goal for many of us and a must for some, as it can or already does affect our health. The main issue is to write it respectfully. Make sure you don't make it sound like weight loss somehow makes your character a better person or more worthy in the eyes of their peers (unless, of course you want to write a critique on that).

stitchy-queerista: Also as a fat person, it's important to remember that almost no one loses a significant amount of weight and keeps it off forever. If the story takes place over an extended period of time (5+ years for example), it would be very unrealistic for them to still be thin, regardless of why or how they lost weight.

[jawsofbalmung]

choose like ten of those aa questions you havent done and pretend i listed them <3

SICK THANKS FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU DEFINITELY LISTED I LOVE THOSE ONES

15. Random headcanon you can share?

miles is one of those people that's allergic to a lot of things. tree nuts, alcohol, tropical fruit, soy, etc. phoenix is not. but there is one allergy they have in common; chocolate. and they bond over how they never understood what's so great about chocolate anyway.

18. Game with the best cast?

it's a tossup between dgs2 and spirit of justice honestly! i love almost every single minor character in dgs2, especially in return of the great departed soul, as well as our main cast of course, but spirit of justice had really high character value too, between nahyuta and rayfa and dhurke and the entire cast of turnabout storyteller.

32. Character you wish to see return?

kay!!!! i am so mad that it took me till i played aai to even get a whiff of their existence in the series. i want to see them all grown up and redesigned and FRIENDS WITH TRUCY!!!

38. Plottwist that came as the biggest surprise to you?

no spoilers, but the revisualization sequence in rite of turnabout (6-3) blew my mind. literally got me hopping up and down and yelling like a monkey at the screen. good shit that case is FANTASTIC and i think that's even the first time they've done That Twist??

48. Random fact people tend to forget that you wanna remind us of?

i made a whole post about this but SHOLMES IS NOT THEIR LANDLORD. HES THEIR NEIGHBOR. STOP CALLING HIM A LANDLORD AND STOP CALLING HIM PROBLEMATIC FOR BEING A LANDLORD. HE'S LITERALLY POOR.

78. Who or what got you into AA?

gonna be honest my bestie @odoroki-mikeko and i were bored one day and scrolling thru the playstation store looking for something new when we saw the dgs chronicles for pretty cheap. and we had obviously heard of ace attorney before but never thought of getting into it, but like, dgs was different enough from the main games that we gave it a go! the next day was the eve of a long weekend, and we got so sucked into the game that we briefly turned nocturnal, playing each case for hours and hours accidentally staying up every night of that weekend until we were like "IT'S SIX AM??? HOW????" and we were hungry for more after we finished dgs, so we got the original trilogy next and, yeah,

92. Was any character ever your icon, lock screen etc.?

oh of course! i am nothing if not a man that plasters my blorbos all over every surface. as you can see my icon on here is barok (commissioned from @/eulogaeic!), my icon on my main is kristoph, and ive rotated through a few wallpapers since i got into aa. currently my lockscreen is apollo and trucy, and my home screen is the dual destinies cast! im thinking of changing them soon tho, i get bored easily and ive had them for a bit by now.

93. Ship you feel like deserves more attention even though your not into it that much?

faraskye!! i dont personally get too into wlw (or nblnb as these two def are tbh), but i think they're a very nice ship and people should like them more. this is a threat.

94. Your first ship?

homuryu! i loved sholmes the moment i laid eyes on him and dgs1-2 was right away so homosexual. i did not expect to come on here and see zero homuryu content tho?? it's a rarepair for reasons i do not understand. the dance of deduction is just inherently romantic idk what to tell you.

97. Best non-human character?

taka. final answer.

[spasmsofthought]

find me a way (i’ll be yours in a landslide) [pietro maximoff x reader]

I love Pietro and I miss him so so so much. He is the best. I hope you enjoy what has been running through my mind today and a little bit of a different writing perspective. 

Inspiration for the title (and what I was listening to while writing this) goes to the song State Lines by Novo Amor. 

Let me know what you think! xo 

TW: Death, grief, violence (?). 

Word Count: A little over 2.4k 

+ + + 

You and Pietro aren’t friends. 

At least, not at the beginning.

He had this sort of roguish charm, and as the one who always followed the rules, there’s a certain danger to his very presence you detect the first time you see him. You have always walked the straightest line, valued for being good, and discovering your own powers turns that dial to 11 even before you find yourself with The Avengers. 

A’s in school and curse words that never leave your lips, and your previous co-workers had only good things to say. And when the news talks about you, when they find a second to recognize you, it’s only ever about how perfectly suited you are to be an Avenger, doing good and bringing justice and seeking the peace of all. It is all they know you for: the good you do. And then you fade into the background once again, like a shiny trophy on a shelf only brought out to relive the glory days.

When he starts to live at the compound with his sister, after the Battle of Sokovia, he sees the way you look at him. All wary and standoffish and hesitant. He knows, for some reason, that you don’t look at his sister like you do him. No, you sit with her and eat with her and there are times you laugh together at the dinner table. But with him, well, he’s lucky if he can get a word in edgewise with you. It makes him think that you classify him as an enemy, and if not that, then someone you clearly want to keep your distance from.

But it’s not that clearly defined for you. It takes time for you to even be remotely comfortable around someone who clearly enjoys sparking mischief and making trouble. He has no problem questioning authority and going against orders; he does what he wants. And for someone who has always had this golden star on their forehead, and taught never to make company with troublemakers because it would only cause grief in the end for you, there’s an underlying reluctance to be around him at all due to the complex nature of his shift from bad guy to good guy.

When he and Wanda open up about their Hydra experimentation with the whole team, though, that’s when the first crack starts to form. The empathy you have always felt for Wanda, well, it starts to extend to Pietro too. Because you know that no one should be subject to such an experience, even if they volunteered for it. There is something in his eyes that makes him older than he appears, and there are lines by his eyes that tell you of his sorrow, of his anger. 

Your reluctance diminishes over the week and when he happens upon you and his sister in her room on Sunday evening, and invites himself inside, you don’t leave and you don’t close off. You two openly discuss your varying exposure to sitcoms as children and there is something that lights in his eyes, too. 

And it is the first time you listen to him with your eyes, not just your ears.

The friendship you extend to him after weeks of Wanda’s hints and outright suggestions to you begins on rocky grounds. Because you and Pietro are inherent opposites, and while you are mostly black and white, he is all gray. 

The difference in beliefs and values leads to frequent, and heated, debates when the two of you aren’t training or trying to save the world again. The whole team enjoys watching them, whether outright from the kitchen or secretly listening in a shadowed hallway, whispering and smirking and betting who will will this one. They are always exchanging money in hands, especially when it is you that wins the round. 

He gets you, though, one evening as you two sit on opposite ends of the same couch in the open common area of the Avenger compound. It’s been a slow week and leaves much free time for you to discuss all of your differing beliefs. It is passionate and spirited, but this one is also personal. War makes it so, and the twining of both of your experiences cannot make the conversation as objective as others have been. “Rules exist for a reason Pietro!” “I didn’t have the luxury of following the rules when my life was in danger, my parents were dead, and my country was little more than rubble.” 

It is fast and quick as usual, but there is a hardness in his face that you have never seen before. A glint in his eyes that tells you he sometimes wishes he lived in a world where following the rules meant living in peace, meant a better future for everyone; where it meant one was doing the right thing, the good thing.

There is a pause that you have to take, because your country still exists the same way, and there is not a giant crater in the ground where an entire city used to be. And it did not suffer from war the ways his did. And your parents were not killed by bombs manufactured by a man with power and wealth and unlimited resources. And it turns out you may be wrong this time and it turns out it’s true that he had been trying to do the right thing the whole time he was on the opposite side of you. 

Now you are on the same side and that forces a change in perspective. You are forced to not stay the same. 

“You’re right,” You admit and the words are soft. 

Maybe rules are a luxury for people like you who can always choose to follow them; and maybe following the rules doesn’t necessarily mean you are the right one. His eyes connect with yours and there is something that happens, an understanding that forms. 

Something ties together and the knot cannot be untangled. A string tethers you to each other, somehow, someway, in that moment. 

The conversations don’t end there, they never do, but he notices that you bend for the first time that night. Usually you’re as stiff as a board, planting your roots deep and refusing to move. But this time, well, this time your hands open a bit instead of clenching and your knuckles aren’t white. 

It takes some more time, and a little help from Wanda, but both of you smile more and the conversation turns less into a debate the more you spend in each other’s presence. Empathy exudes from you, and now it’s less about being right and more about trying to put yourself in his shoes. To see through his eyes instead of your own. You bend for him more, growing less afraid to no longer put your value in being seen as good, and he takes stock of his own beliefs and he learns from you, too. And he’s not a jackass about it. 

(Clint saw it coming from day one, though he certainly expected it to take longer. Maybe he’s getting old and that’s it. But, there’s something about the two of you that he knew would click together. He watched you both from the kitchen when he was at the compound, and in training, and he saw the puzzle pieces. He knows you well, has for years, and Pietro’s the kind of person you need, though he would never admit it to you outright. He’s a dad and so he can see these things coming from miles away. Laura is going to be intrigued to hear about this when he tells her.)

And you curse for the very first time when he kisses you, pressed softly against the wall near your door. 

He moves so quick it comes as a surprise to your very slow (normal) senses, but the tension has been building for months. Months of his flirting that have been flying over your head or have just left you confused. 

He touches you more, now that both of you are growing more comfortable with each other. A hand cupping your elbow when he grazes by, a soft brush against the small of your back when he’s behind you as the team gathers together for a meeting or to train together. A light touch to your shoulder when he is about to whisper in your ear. A tender hug when you both have survived another day where his hands come to the back of your head and he holds you against himself for a moment or two. A kiss to the cheek when he can sneak it in and you’re not paying enough attention. 

It is in those moments where you truly understand what safety feels like.  

Nobody explains the flirting, or anything else, to you, though, so you brush it away and smile innocently back at him. It kills him, every time. Wanda is just glad you’re making him subconsciously work for it, earn it; making him be worthy of you. 

And it is a year after the day where you officially met each other when he follows you to your room after a solid day of training and playing a board game at the dining table with him and Wanda after dinner is done. 

You are laughing at something he said, and what happened when he lost, and he can’t resist but softly steering you to the wall. You go quiet, a little startled, and he can see your eyebrows furrow. He leans in and you can hear him ask under his breath if he can kiss you. You are barely finished nodding your consent when he does. 

Being a teenager, and then young adult, that had discovered and then wielded weird powers didn’t leave much room to have a significant other who could put up with your schedule and wack powers which interfered with your ever day life. Joining the Avengers left you with even less time to date. 

So, when Pietro kisses you, it’s your first kiss. 

And you think it might maybe somehow be spectacular. 

And whatever it is, it’s different and glorious and it almost overwhelms you and that is when “Shit” slips out from your mouth when you are able to catch your breath. Because you just want more of this, and more of him; more of all of whatever this is becoming. It’s like this feeling drops into the pit of your stomach and sinks deeper, weighing you down with some sort of longing, maybe, or a desire that has been unnoticed and unfulfilled until now. He has always been a contrasting force to you, but now he just seems irresistible. Like a polar opposite magnet that you can’t help but be pulled to: the north to your south. 

The curse is said almost under your breath, a whisper that you can’t hold in, but Pietro hears it. His mouth slips into a grin, teetering more to one side of his face than the other. He is handsome in that moment, and oh so irresistible. His eyes sparkle with a sort of pride, glimmering with a deep satisfaction, and you can tell he’s a bit cocky about the effect he clearly has on you, even though you deny it. You think maybe he is banking on his promise to corrupt you, even just a little bit. He presses his forehead to yours and releases a breathy chuckle. 

“I have been waiting--” 

Before he can finish his sentence, before he can say anything else, you press your lips to his. He sort of smiles into it for a second, but then there’s a shift, as quick as you could blink if your eyes were open, and it’s intense suddenly. All-consuming. There is a sureness with him, a substance you hadn’t been expecting when you first caught a glimpse of him. 

Your hands gravitate towards his hair, his towards your face, tilting just slightly. And then his hands are flying to the back of your head, and then one down your arm and to your waist. 

This is my reality, you think happily, the inside of you turning into butterflies and pure giddiness. He presses you against the wall and you press yourself against him, desperate for just a little more, a lot more-- 

and you wake up. 

No, no, no, no, the word runs a loop in your head. Not again. 

The image of his body hitting the pavement, the sound of gun fire ringing through your ears, is what you are immediately awoken to as you are torn from sleep yet again. He has been dead. He is dead. And it is not a reminder you need yet again, because you barely knew him. And all of this is in your head. 

Your eyes open to the breaking dawn you see out your window. 

The sheets on your bed are the same they were a year ago. 

And you stare out the window for a second, trying to breathe, your mind recollecting everything, and then the tears come. Your arm comes across your face as you involuntary release a sob. Another gets caught in your throat and you are nauseous to your core. 

You gather your face in your palms as you move to sit up, and you just cry. Your hair hangs around you, not having been washed in days, and your muscles are sore. Your heart cries out for some sort of relief, but there is nothing anyone can do for it, not even you. The sobs don’t stop for half an hour. 

You don’t tell Wanda about it. You never do. You can barely bear it yourself. 

You try not to spend much time dwelling on it when you finally get out of bed that morning, but there are some times when you like to imagine things differently. When you wonder what it would have been like if fate had intervened, or some sort of mercy had been given; you give yourself a glimpse of a different future. 

And when you actually allow yourself the time to sit there after you wake up, every once and a while, you usually can picture it all almost as clear as day, the sun shining. There are no clouds in the sky, not a drop of rain. The whole world seems right and perfect and complete before it shatters in front of your very eyes and it all turns to dust. 

Grief has taught you that you will always wake up alone and that dreams always remain dreams. And this one will never come true. 

+++

“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you'll never have.” — Søren Kierkegaard

[frostahesmegabite]

Kira does whittling in her spare time - small statues, jewelry, that sort of thing. What she could use is something to burn patterns into the wood, but very small. Like the size of a small pen, to get the more intricate designs. Gold is always an issue, so she'd be wondering if he would accept part of the pay in goods she makes (she also cooks) or odd jobs.

[ Megahes doesn't tend to accept work in payment of goods, primarily cause from there it's a slippery slope on endentured servitude, especially when value of work provided coupled with greed can cause complications, but he'd definitely take payment in the way of food and/or even accepting a gift where his soon-to-be made tool for Kira is given back! :D ] Megahes stops at the workbench in his office and looks at the work order bin attached to the wall. He picks up the first order and he hums, looking around. "Odd, why's this in here? Any'a them mooks..." He pauses and shakes his head. "Ya know what. I'mma make tha shit outta this instead'a it bein some traditional wood engraving pen." He nods and proceeds to head into the Engineering Bay where he begins to prepare a bin with various needed wires, casings and assorted bits of shaped metal along with pins, screws and circuitry. A few of the goblins greet him with simple head nods or near whispered hello's as he makes his way about to acquire what he needs. A few hours later, he steps away from the workbench with a light sheen of sweat due to the welding and soldering that was done but what he had before him would put a smile on any jeweler or crafters face, or at least so he thought. He turns and moves to his desk to write up a note to explain his creation. "I know you probably expected something simple, but since this ended up on my workstation, I decided to be a little bit extra with your creation. I will be sending you an working kit with various Wood Etching Pen Heads and gauged Soldering Cobalt Heads along with some precious spun metals to put to use in etching wood or jewelry. Now, do be warned, Cobalt has an insanely hot melting point and I would recommend protective lenses when working with metal on metal, just in case of flashes or light or the stray or random spark so you don't risk eye damage. I'll also include these with the kit and they'll be adjustable size wise to make sure they fit!" He pauses and looks back at the kit before he continues writing. "Now, this assembly has your Etching Pen and then a detachable power assembly kit. When the Power Box isn't connected to it, your pen will run off of a liquid mana crystal battery where the circuitry can be set to two custom temperature settings, this way you can use your favorite or 'go-to' temperatures when or if you need to travel a lot. The assembly kit however can both recharge your etching pen as well as allow you to change the temperature selections you imprinted onto it before hand while also using a much broader spectrum of temperatures. If and when you do manage to drain the assembly kit of its inherently larger Liquid Mana Battery's charge, you can remove the battery pack and pour out the no longer charged liquid and replace it with fresh mana potion, strength of the potion is indicative of how much charge you'll be applying of course." He stops and rubs at his hand, giving it a moment before he goes to finish the letter. "I hope this not only covers what you need it for currently but also any potential uses in the future that you may not have ran into currently as well. Megahes Frostbite "The Metal Miser" " Once done, he tucks the letter along into an envelope along with some drawn up diagrams and instructions on how to work everything, just in case, as well as a hand drawn instruction panel of how to empty and refill the Liquid Mana Battery. He hums, taking the newly created tools and puts them into a Starwood Box lined with Stainless Steel and various mounts to hold the pen, kit and the spun filaments along with a small portion of Flux, just in case it was needed too. He heads outside and lays the box into the 'Outgoing Deliveries' ben along with the work order stamped to its top so it can be sent to the proper person. [ Thanks for the Prompt @kiraspringdale! Hope it's everything Kira needs and/or wanted! :D ]

[eolewyn1010]

Warning: This is a rant.

So, there’s someone in the Charité fandom with a few, eh, interesting(?) ships. Namely, Anni/de Crinis as a romantic ship or, more recently, Anni/Christel. Which, whatever. I don’t shit on your ship, you leave my boats alone and all that; I guess the person in question is just into villain/protagonist ships. You do you. But I do have an opinion and I’m gonna elaborate on it now. (It’s a history- and canon-oriented breakdown; feel free to ignore.)

First of all, Max de Crinis was a Nazi. I’m not sure inhowfar the person in question is aware of that because they only ever seem to be talking about the character de Crinis in the Charité show (more on that later) and I don’t think they’re German; thus they might not have the cultural background to take this with the same queasy feeling I do, but yes, we’re talking a real-life Nazi who gave his expert reports on which people were to be “sorted out” in Aktion T4. Meaning, he actively participated in the mass murder of disabled people, adults and children alike. And no one can tell me he didn’t know what he was having part in. That man was influencial, way up in the hierarchy. He lived the superiority ideology of the Nazis, he preached it. We are shown that in the series. We hear the way he talks about people, about the Dohnanyis, about a traumatized woman who thinks she has lost her child, about homosexuals, and I think it’s not far-off from what we know of historical de Crinis. He was a monster, responsible for the deaths of hundreds or thousands and not sorry about it. He’s not shown as a redeemable antagonist in the series, and I don’t see him at all with Anni, a character who is very much shown to be redeemable. Anni is passive and complacent, which is another category of bad, but she is, to some degree, unaware. It is at least partially a willful unawareness, admittedly, but she is young enough to have been raised unaware. And once she overcomes this, she realizes that what happens around her, what her highly adored mentor preaches and practices, is nothing she can morally justify. That’s when her redemption begins. With her breaking down crying eventually as she can’t cling to her worldview anymore, we know it’s a painful process, and it’s supposed to be.

De Crinis is at no point unaware. He is a Nazi, and we’re never shown at any time that he wants to change that. We’re never shown him in pain, up until it’s about his own life. Because there was never any indication for that in the historical person and this is a historical show.

Secondly, the character we are shown in the series. He’s married, y’know? Admittedly, his wife is extremely non-present, showing up only to die by his side, but it’s one of the things that make de Crinis behave in that condescending mentorly way toward Anni instead of being actually flirty with her. So, the ship would have to do away with the wife. Then, it’d have to away with Artur because - oh, right, Anni already has an irredeemable Nazi asshole she’s married to. From what we’re shown, she and Artur are very much in love initially. It’s not an easy separation for her. Easiest solution? Make them both single from the get-go, I guess, have de Crinis be Karin’s father; he’d conveniently be protective of his own child and stuff... and wind up as Artur, basically. Who’s all, “yeah, other people’s children, but not mine, of course”. To overcome that, de Crinis would have to realize that all human life has inherent value. Which means, he’d have to renounce his work, his loyalty to the Nazi realm, everything his life and ego consists of. All the things he’s built his reputation on, might I note. There are others who watch him. He’d be dead in no time. And if we say he was like that from the get-go, then he never gets into a position of power in the first place. Scientist? Even several of his contemporaries thought his work was worthless. (We’re shown that in series-canon, too, with Sauerbruch and Jung grinning at his self-adulation.) His hostility with the Dohnanyis / Bonhoeffers? Wouldn’t be there; he’d be fighting for their cause. His psychological torture and persecution of Martin and Otto? Why would he hunt down homosexuals if he had internalized that all human life has value and Nazi ideology is wrong?

There would be nothing left of his character. What point is there in shipping Anni with de Crinis when the latter isn’t de Crinis anymore? Just make a new character then? 

Third, his points of redemption potential? ...there are none. His favorism of Anni? Based on her being a good little sheep who looks up at him with her wide, Aryan eyes and admires him. His soft spot for kids, shown in his disgust with Magda Goebbels’ planned murder of her children? He’s appalled that the virtuous paragon of the Nazi model family is shredding yet another bit of his pretty, pretty worldview; that’s all. He doesn’t give a shit about children. He doesn’t try to stop her or talk her out if it. He tells her where she can get poison to go through with it. When Anni mentions that “Karin has been evacuated”, he doesn’t even blink. And he knows what “evacuating” means for a disabled child. He doesn’t care. He has the point of view of Nurse Käthe, of Prof. Bessau: That child’s no good; make new ones. His taking flight, knowing that he has committed crimes he will be prosecuted for? Yeah - but he doesn’t seem to suffer from it. When Anni acknowledges herself as guilty, she breaks down and lashes out, realizing what she might have been and was capable of. De Crinis? Takes flight. He’s not a bit shaken, not a bit surprised by what he has been up to. He has always known that what he participated in is wrong; he just didn’t care so long as there were no consequences for him personally. The one and only thing that made de Crinis watch-worthy in the series is that Lukas Miko is a damn fine actor who gives one hell of a chilling performance. That doesn’t make his character any less of a piece of shit, nor does it diminish my urge to go take a shower after the de Crinis scenes. I wouldn’t mind watching Miko play a de Crinis anthithesis, but that definitely wouldn’t be de Crinis.

To make this ship work, there are exactly two possibilities: Give up all of de Crinis’ character - or roll with him being the evil bastard that he is and that we are shown he is, and give up all of Anni’s character. That’s it. Just... don’t act like there’s canonically anything good about de Crinis.

Same goes for the Anni/Christel ship, btw. “Everything is the same, but Christel is not in love with Otto but with Anni”. That... means nothing is the same. It means everything changes thoroughly. Christel was always the only real threat for Otto and Martin - if she isn’t, there’s not much for them to fear in their own ranks. They’re careful; they wouldn’t have been found out without a denunciation. Means, they don’t get arrested, Otto doesn’t have to save Martin, Otto goes out to war, Otto dies before the war is over because those last months of battling were desperate and ugly (even more so than the earlier, I mean). So, we’d get a new gay at the cost of killing another? Eh. A Nazi accepting homosexuality, coming to terms with herself as an adversary of her own creeds and abandoning Nazi ideology to Do The Right Thing is not “missing dramatic content”, either. It’s Anni’s arc. And it’s a character arc that Christel, with the way she’s written, with “too much compassion is a sign of weakness”, is not capable of.

The scenario doesn’t only include Christel accepting herself as a lesbian; it also includes her helping Anni with Karin. Which brings us back to the same problem as with de Crinis: She’d have to abandon everything she’s convinced of. Accept the value of all human life. And I think her definition of a “worthy life” is even narrower than that of de Crinis; that’s why he recruits her in the first place: Because Christel is a very passionate Nazi. Much more so than de Crinis. She has a backbone, he’s an opportunistic chickenshit. He takes flight. She fights. To the very last second, she clings to her idea of the Nazi realm. When she breaks down, it isn’t for realizing that what she believes in is wrong; it is because what she believes in is lost. That’s one of the things that make me be more shaken with her than with de Crinis, even more in awe of Frida-Lovisa Hamann than of Lukas Miko: Christel never knows that she’s in the wrong. Like Anni, she’s young enough to have been raised unaware, and different than Anni, she very decidedly declines the chance to break out of this. If she’d been brought to court for her deeds, she wouldn’t have been able to defend herself, and she wouldn’t have denied anything, because in her worldview, she never did anything wrong. Realizing that would be, again, an extremely painful process and, again, it wouldn’t leave anything of her character. Why would she go on a date with Otto and propose to him? Why would she tattle on little Emil? On Hans von Dohnanyi? On Martin? Why would she be in conflict with the Sauerbruchs? Why would she lead Volkssturm kids into the hospital if she wants to protect Anni? Why are there any conflicts at all instead of all of the Charité staff being morally upright and good and a united front against the Nazis?

They aren’t. There’s a story being told, and if they’d change out these chilling, well-written antagonists for lukewarm knock-off protagonists, they’d have to make up new antagonists to make any of the story work. It’s a historical series, dealing with living amidst Nazis; inside this framework, the characters won’t function as theirselves if their core values are flipped.

Conclusion? There’s only one legit ship in there, and it’s de Crinis/Christel. I can totally see that; it’d leave both their characters intact. He could rush back to tragically die by her side - BAM, there you’ve got your Nazi-apologetic drama. Or make it Magda Goebbels/Christel, if one wants to go for psycho lesbians. Personally, I don’t care much for finding a happy end for obvious Nazis that were written as Nazis and have absolutely nothing that would turn them away from being Nazis. And I don’t see Anni being either’s romantic partner. Why on earth would she want to? Isn’t Artur punishment enough?

[wxlfbites]

The Church of Satan

I can only imagine the amount of criticism and hate I'm going to get for this, so I just want to preface this post by saying that in 2015 I considered myself a LaVeyan Satanist for a while. I was a teenager and felt like what I was reading was exactly how I felt, it gave me a sense of justification for the views I had. I am not just some random, misinformed individual who only read anti-satanism propaganda. In fact, I've still actually never read anti-satanism propaganda. My opinions have been formed based exclusively on what I've read on the Church of Satan's own website. These are of course, my own opinions and people are allowed to disagree... I just think it might be something to think about if you're considering becoming a satanist.

THIS WILL BE AN EXTREMELY LONG POST

Firstly, I'm addressing the membership the Church of Satan is now implementing. ~ While the Church of Satan says that you do not need to become a member in order to consider yourself a satanist, it is clear that they encourage you to do so. It has registration and payment based memberships that allow you access to confidential information, rituals, and online chat groups you are otherwise not entitled to. Their website claims these memberships have always been in place, but I do not remember any such kind in 2015. ~ It is their policy that affiliated members are discouraged from exchanging member-exclusive information with non-members. They also express that if you are a non-member of the church, you should not expect members to keep up extended exchanges or promotion of your wares. Further, your membership is subject to rejection and retraction at their discretion and they openly state that when you apply for a membership, they gather information on you to ensure you are someone safe and trustworthy to allow in. ~ Whether or not it is intentional, they use guilt tactics in order to persuade people into becoming members. To quote some of these phrases on their own website: "Those who proudly carry our red cards identifying themselves as members have the strength and dedication to implement the tools traditionally associated with Satan". "Look to your other possessions and expenses (most people spend far more than this on general entertainment) and we’re certain you can do this if it means something to you to become a member." "We’ve discovered that most individuals can muster these funds if membership is something they truly desire." ~ They describe your membership card as a key that you must show and scan to other members to prove your affiliation. They make a few references to the underground secrecy that members may or may not choose to maintain, and so to protect their identities as members, these... calling cards if you will.. are used to discretely confirm ones membership in the Church. ~ They do not tell you where the money for your registration fee goes. In fact, they say: "That is up to the administration. It will be applied to whatever is most required at the time it is received. If you feel the need to know in more detail, then don’t join." Implying you don't have the right to know exactly where your money goes? ~ Their membership application includes inappropriate questions that no organization, religious or otherwise, should ever ask. These include: " Are you satisfied with your sex life? Describe your ideal of a physically attractive sex partner." "How many years would you like to live?" "In what organizations do you hold membership?" "Are you a smoker? If so, to what extent." "Do you drink alcoholic beverages? If so, to what extent? State preferences." " Secondly, how does satanism compare themselves to other religions and philosophies? ~ The Church of Satan declares themselves to be "a formidable threat to those who would halt progress in the name of spirituality and theism of any sort." "We are a group of dynamic individuals who stand forth as the ultimate underground alternative, the “Alien Elite.” ~ They state things like "Our members and officials will not serve as teachers nor as entertainers—we have neither the time nor the inclination.", "It is our policy not to spoon-feed information to students who are too lazy to do research." and "Your schedule is of no importance to us." so it's no surprise that the satanic texts they do not provide in full on their website, including the Satanic Bible, - which is there main text and one they highly encourage you to read - cost money. ~ They believe themselves to be the only form of satanism, stating: "People who believe in some Devilish supernatural being and worship him are Devil-worshippers, not Satanists.", "Anton LaVey was the first to define Satanism as a philosophy, and it is an atheist perspective." and “Theistic Satanism” is an oxymoronic term and thus absurd." ~ Statements like: "we stand in opposition to theist religions and their

inherent hypocrisy.", [regarding the word Shemhamforash] - "So, Satanists use it for traditional blasphemy’s sake.", [regarding someones question about their experiences with demons] - "Satanists do not believe in demons or other supernatural beings, nor do we believe in spells. Seek help from local mental health professionals to assist you to get over these delusions.", "We Satanists are all anthropologists to some degree and can find that not upsetting people who think in such simplistic and erroneous terms of “belief equals goodness and truthfulness” might be worthwhile to smooth the proceedings in which one is involved. Trying to teach them that they are mistaken in such a belief may not be worth one’s efforts." are pretty much self explanatory as to the lack of consideration satanism has for other religions as being true for others.

~ This statement: "Knowing this, if you choose to affiliate with any pseudo-Satanic or anti-Satanic groups, you may well find yourself disaffiliated from the Church of Satan. Forewarned is forearmed." might sound harmless at first glance, but this kind of reminds me of an isolation tactic where cults discourage their followers to read or engage with opposing or differing opinions because it might open their eyes to the truth of things?

Finally, here are some statements that I personally don't find are morally or ethically okay?

~ In terms of kids worrying about their parents approval the Church says: "Satanism teaches that, so long as you live with your parents, you are in “their lair” and must show them respect". Which... is literally the same shit abuse victims hear all the time..... (example "you live in their house, they're your parents and you should love and respect them no matter what")...

~ "There can be no more myth of “equality” for all—it only translates to “mediocrity” and supports the weak at the expense of the strong." is a statement I just .... wish I were making up at this point.

~"The emotional drive to “change the world” is a common stage of early adult development typically beginning around age 16 and lasting until around age 24. Usually, individuals who become aware as to how the world actually functions—rather than being lost in a fantasy wherein they will be some sort of savior figure—come to realize that idealism (such as changing the world) is less important than the principle of getting what you want for yourself.",

Also! Um.. they are fully aware and okay with people who uphold discriminatory political views....

To quote their website regarding politics: "Our members span an amazing political spectrum, which includes but is not limited to: Libertarians, Liberals, Conservatives, Republicans, Democrats, Reform Party members, Independents, Capitalists, Socialists, Communists, Stalinists, Leninists, Trotskyites, Maoists, Zionists, Monarchists, Fascists, Anarchists, and just about anything else you could possibly imagine."

And to justify this, they say: "Members who demand conformity from other members to their particular political fetish are welcomed to depart.”, "For a Satanist to expect, much less demand, consensus on any given issue, beyond basic advocacy of individual liberty within local laws, is an enterprise which is probably as masochistic as it is insane.", "Some naïve idealists seem to think that the Church of Satan as an organization risks irrelevancy if it does not become an advocate of certain political positions—usually their own pet issues which are assumed “must” be shared by other Satanists. This fear is based upon the assumption that the Church of Satan needs to change the world or risk “fading into obscurity.”

Again, all of this information comes directly from the Church of Satan website itself. It it not "propaganda". It comes from their own mouths. You're free to disagree with my interpretation and views of the above. But if you do agree, I'd love to know.

The things above make me uneasy. They give me huge cult vibes and are actually disappointing to read as someone who once considered themselves a satanist. As an omnistic pagan now, I do believe that all religions hold truths within them and can say that there are certain things within satanism I do agree with. But overall, I feel like calling satanism a religion is a stretch and should be joined with caution if it's something you are really interested in. I am only one person, I can't tell anyone what to do. But if you were considering becoming a satanist but hold values and views that the things in this post opposed or were opposite to, then maybe satanism isn't right for you. It's definitely not right for me.

I hope this post was educational at the very least. I hope that it might help people make a decision either way if they were interested in joining the Church.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from "Chapter Two: The Kithain" in Changeling: The Dreaming (20th anniversary edition) Part One of Two

"Humans define themselves by more than just species. They identify with certain races and cultures, separate themselves by generation or ideology, and express individuality while simultaneously looking for ways to connect with others like them. How they look, who they love, where they live, what they believe — these are all building blocks of identity."

"This desperate aversion to moving on does have its own consequences."

"Though the wisdom to temper the idea is sometimes there, the sheer excitement can sweep anyone off their feet quickly enough to disregard it."

"While these impulses aren’t usually much of a problem, it’s easy to forget that not every dream is a sweet one — nightmares can come to life, too."

"Every teddy bear protector is there to fight something,

after all."

"These things can be distracting at any age, especially for someone working in a dreary office or in a highly repetitive job."

"With little care for consequences or thinking through the details, they don’t consider the harm that will come to others, intentionally or unintentionally, in their pursuits."

"While they don’t have an inherently negative outlook, they are more likely to put their personal interests over those of others."

"Becoming jaded and unwilling to take risks is the death of childhood."

"Something may captivate them for a time, but once all the mystery is gone from it, they’ll just as easily drop one pursuit for another that still has questions to answer."

"Wonder lies in the discovery of a new species or an unexplored biome, and beauty in chemical bonds or lines of code."

"Repetition can quickly become a rut, and make even the most wondrous work commonplace and mundane."

"Whether they fight to preserve or subvert the ruling class as it stands, they all long to make their mark in one way or another."

"Even when caught, they are unlikely apologize for their actions, and instead have a dozen ways to justify them."

"Some enjoy collecting art and creating galleries to inspire others, or amass vast libraries of literature or music to the same purpose."

"They have an innate knack of deciphering relationships and picking up “overheard” tidbits of information."

"They explore the world with wonder in their eyes and will talk to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen and put up with the incessant questions."

"Their reputation for being consummate craftspeople is well learned."

"This does not apply to a sworn enemy."

"Rowdy fools, the lot of them."

"Rowdy fools, the lot of them. Still, they can be quite entertaining. . .so long as you keep them from breaking the china."

"They make wonderful guests and tell the most delightful tales, but they never stay for long."

"Pay heed to their stories and you may learn something."

"Their obsessions tend to make them boring conversationalists."

"Never leave them alone in a room if you want to be able to find anything afterward."

"They are quite entertaining at parties, but never stick around to help clean up."

"Foul mouthed and rude beasties, they are."

"Be careful how much wine you offer them. They can become quite. . . err. . .enthusiastic."

"No place on land, no friendship, and not even love can hold them."

"A selkie’s heart belongs to the sea and to the sea they will always return."

"They still understand the old ways but they do not always understand our ways."

"Things have changed and they are going to need to learn to adapt."

"It seems that they value little other than honor and duty."

"They are strong, yes, but they are more than simple brutes."

"They don’t lie outright, but they do love to tell a tall tale, often embellishing the story for the sake of humor or to build excitement."

"A good donnybrook clears the air, breaks the tension, and reveals hidden passions and personality traits."

"Nothing wrong with cutting loose a bit now and then!"

"Don’t leave them alone with your prize possessions; you’ll never know what’ll come up missing."

"They don’t understand limits — their own or anyone else’s."

"What a bunch of bullies!"

"Don’t underestimate them."

"Graceful, beautiful, mysterious, and always just beyond reach."

"They stayed by us and fought. That’s worth something."

"What we do today will live long after us, carried in the stories told by our children and our children’s children."

"Nothing new to learn here."

"Anger and foul language doesn’t make for a very good tale."

"There’s joy to be found in their revels, but take care!"

"They think themselves the kings and queens of this world, but they’ve never walked its many paths."

"How can they rule what they don’t understand and have never really valued?"

" I’ve heard it said that the real hero is the one who stays."

"I know I know. . .I’ve worked on the damned thing all week and it’s still not right."

"Maybe if you stop breathing down my neck, or better yet, just leave me the fuck alone and I’ll get it done."

"When they are forced to have social contact they are eminently sarcastic with everyone around them, and blazingly critical of anyone in charge."

"Artists, builders, crafters, and even writers all know the torment of “knowing” that their work is not good enough, that it will never be understood."

"People are mercurial, have feelings that can be easily hurt, and once broken they cannot be repaired in the same way as a tool or device."

"They are willing to take chances in order to come up with the newest and most fantastic design, often resulting in catastrophic (and sometimes humorous) failures."

"Rather than seeking the newest and most innovative designs, they have a deep desire for perfection — which, much to their chagrin, they can never attain."

"Sometimes all it takes is a kick and a few harsh words to scare a machine into working again."

"They’re fast, so they’re either cheap or good, too. You don’t get all three."

"Drunks and power tools don’t mix."

"Sorry, was that insensitive? Bite me."

"They just don’t know when to shut up."

"Sometimes they have something important to say, but you have to sift through the meandering drivel to find anything useful."

"Unruly and reckless children."

"Useless furballs!"

"Dangerous folk, but sometimes useful, especially if you want to dispose of some unwanted evid. . .err. . .garbage."

"Hedonistic freaks, the lot of ‘em."

"Don’t fall in love with one."

"Damn dusty in here."

"They think they’re hot stuff, but they don’t understand this world and its workings as we do."

"They want to rule, and who are we to say no."

"They pay well and I’ll happily take their commissions."

"Buncha creepy a-holes, if you ask me."

"Skulking around, up to no good, I’m sure of it."

"They are the strongest and toughest of us all, but their hearts can be surprisingly tender."

"I don’t know how it found its way into my pocket. Of course you can have it back. . .unless you don’t need it right now. I’d be happy to hang onto it for you until you do."

"I can’t imagine being tied down like that."

"We’ll wander many paths together, but in the end, they are who they are, and we never really are anything quite that specific."

"What is truth, but something we all agree upon? So, if we all agree upon a lie, isn’t it then truth?"

"Anything they say is likely to be peppered with lies, half-truths, and misinformation."

"Humans have always dreamed of a better, more carefree life."

"Lazy and reckless. And they keep all of the cake to themselves!"

"Drunken reprobates, every last one of them."

"Not exactly the most even tempered folks. Playing pranks on them can be a lot of fun though."

"It must be wonderful to always be at the center of every political intrigue."

"They start the shit that we have to finish."

"Just don’t get them started on how they’re royalty or some crap."

"You want to pound back a drink or wild out on the town, they’re the place to be."

"Mmm, seafood."

"You’d think such pretty folks would be easy to intimidate, but make that mistake and you’ll bite off more than even you can chew."

"Those nearby may experience a brief frisson of pure lust."

"How can such a simple life be a truly satisfying one?"

"A fight’s only as good as the kissing and making up after."

"So sweet and innocent. Cover their eyes before they see something naughty."

"Their passions are too dark and frightening."

"Someone so beautiful should never want for passion."

"I will return. . .one day. . .I promise."

"The sea gives and the sea takes away."

"A person’s secrets should be their own."

"Sharks that walk on two legs. Trust them at your own peril."

"They too are gifted with great beauty, but they wield their allure like a weapon."

"You think nobility a privilege, and you envy and resent us for it, but you cannot see that it is also a burden few would truly wish to bear."

"They must learn that respect must first be given in order to be received."

"Tremendously useful and occasionally even trustworthy, but beware what you allow them to slip into their pockets. You may never see it again."

"Who are these strange creatures?"

"What they know is invaluable, but can you really be certain they are sharing their knowledge with you alone?"

[renegadeontherunn]

happiness by taylor swift is a disaster lineage song, sorry I don’t make the rules

okay so yes I should be writing or doing homework instead of making this extremely rambly, slightly incoherent post but it’s friday so I’m vibing and you lovely people get to join me!

this is the ultimate star wars grief song for our tcw trio and I see it in three different contexts:

Ahsoka’s POV to Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the Order after she leaves in the season 5 finale

Ahsoka & Rex during/after Order 66

Obi-Wan & Ahsoka to Vader (Obi-Wan on Tatooine and (REBELS SPOILERS) Ahsoka after her duel with him in The Twilight of the Apprentice—for reference, I’ve only seen parts of Rebels so if some of that stuff is inaccurate, let me know!)

so we go . . .

honey when I’m above the trees / I see this for what it is

on a ship, in the Force, in hindsight

but now I’m right down in it / all the years I’ve given / is just shit we’re dividing up / showed you all of my hiding spots

#1: Ahsoka’s years learning in the Order, being a Padawan, her dedication to the Jedi and her faith to their teachings (”the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”), all the years she’s given are just completely thrown away as soon as there’s suspicion against her (in the unfinished episodes, Anakin says “well what choice did we give her? the moment there were any suspicions about her loyalty the Council turned their back on her.”) they both share this anger about her expulsion, and Ahsoka brings it up later during the Siege of Mandalore when she says “and what? defend the Council’s actions? I hardly think I’m the best person for that.” 

#2: again, Ahsoka’s years fighting alongside the 501st, growing close with Rex and Jesse and everyone else to suddenly find them turning on her (this is before she knows about the chips, of course). she could also be feeling this in tandem with Rex—“those soldiers, my brothers, are willing to die and take you and me along with them!” all the years Rex has given in the 501st, with his brothers, fighting for the Republic, having to watch his brothers be killed and not be able to do anything, all his hardship just means nothing. their attempts to be themselves, to be unique, to not just be “another number,” were useless in the end. the “showed you all of my hiding spots” line points to the closeness and friendship that they had with each other

#3: again again, pretty self-explanatory, all the years Ahsoka and Obi-Wan have given to teaching and learning from and loving Anakin are just completely thrown away by his fall to the Dark Side and him ultimately trying to kill them. the same for the last line applies here, they were brothers, they were sister and brother, they were a family and then it was all ruined.

I was dancing when the music stopped

In each of the scenarios, they were preoccupied, in the middle of something else (the war, capturing Maul, defeating Grievous, helping Ezra, etc.) when everything stopped and collapsed. each situation was completely unexpected and each time, their worlds fell apart.

and in the disbelief / I can’t face reinvention

#1: all Ahsoka’s ever known is the Jedi, and now without them (without anyone to help her or any connections or support), she has to completely change her way of life, as well as lie or invent a new background for herself (”Skywalker Academy,” “my older brother taught me,” “I used to live on the upper levels of Coruscant,” etc.)

also—Ahsoka becomes Ashla, and then Fulcrum (reinventing herself over and over again) and Obi-Wan becomes Ben. obviously, they don’t want to have to change, and again with “in the disbelief,” each of these events was unexpected and a complete gut punch.

there’ll be happiness after you / but there was happiness because of you / both of these things can be true there is happiness / past the blood and bruise / past the curses and cries / beyond the terror in the nightfall

I don’t think this line needs any explanation, but I’ll give some anyway! In a meta-sense, the audience started Star Wars with the happiness after all three events, but especially Vader. the Original Trilogy showed the end of the Empire, the Rebellion, the happy endings of Luke, Leia, Han, etc. in-universe, both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan hold this sense of bittersweet nostalgia (because how can you not?), both with Obi-Wan training/looking after Luke and Ahsoka joining the Rebellion and helping the characters in Rebels. they’re both trying to ensure happiness after Anakin. 

but, of course, of course there was happiness because of Anakin, that’s what The Clone Wars shows us! we see them happy (or, at least, somewhat) in tcw, which obviously makes everything much sadder, but still. they were happy. and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both know it—we see it explicitly with Ahsoka meditating to Anakin’s holo and reminiscing in Rebels. they found happiness and love and family in the war, where there was so much death, so much destruction, so much darkness and terror. they found each other, they found happiness anyway. this can also apply to the OT, since that trio also found family and happiness in the midst of the Empire.

it’s this inherent optimism that both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan share that Anakin doesn’t (or didn’t) that’s keeping them afloat. it’s the adherence to the light, to kindness, to compassion. 

haunted by the look in my eyes

#1: going back to our three scenarios, you could say Ahsoka was probably haunted by the look in the Council members’ eyes—especially Yoda, Plo, Obi-Wan—when they expelled her. as well as, of course, the look in Anakin’s eyes when he begs her to stay and she says no. the ending image of season 5, the last image we ever saw of tcw for years—with Anakin’s sad, wide eyes—yeah. that look.

#2: overall, this context has less to it, but I’ll still argue that the look in Rex’s eyes, in the clones’ eyes haunted both Ahsoka and Rex, probably especially Rex. or even, not seeing his brothers’ eyes and instead seeing their blasters pointed at him. their final scene, with the eyes of the helmets (Ahsoka’s eyes painted on) stuck on sticks. yeah, that definitely haunted them both.

#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both get horrifyingly clear images of Anakin’s gold eyes. Anakin’s look when he shouts “I hate you!” surely haunted Obi-Wan, as well as Anakin saying “Ahsoka” and “then you will die” with a very clear, obvious image of Anakin’s gold, scarred eye through his mask. 

that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

#1: Ahsoka was prepared to be a Jedi forever, for a lifetime

#2: Rex, more in this case, but both he and Ahsoka did and would’ve loved the clones forever. those were Rex’s brothers and it’s so clear, especially with the scene of him crying in the hangar bay, that this is killing him

#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka would’ve loved Anakin for a lifetime—and I’d argue they did, despite everything (”you were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” and “my Master could never be as vile as you” and “to the best of us”)

leave it all behind

#1: sorry if this is getting repetitive, but yeah, Ahsoka left everything, her entire life, everything and everyone she’s ever known behind

#2: Rex and Ahsoka leave everything on that moon, including her lightsabers that she just got back and then had to give up a second time

#3: Obi-Wan leaves everything behind and flees to Tatooine. Ahsoka tells Ezra this—to let Kanan go, essentially leave the past behind him. And she can’t “save her Master” either. she too must let him go. 

tell me when did your winning smile / begin to look like a smirk?

this is just so Anakin slowly falling to madness and the Dark Side. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan thinking about the signs they’d missed, if there was some way they could’ve stopped it, if just one thing had been different, if they’d just noticed. trying to figure out where it all went wrong. 

when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?

#1: “the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”—and then she’s expelled and told that it was part of her great trial in becoming a Knight. a foundation of the Jedi Order and its process gets turned against her.

#3: this line becomes literal—Padawan lessons, sparring, suddenly became dueling Anakin to death, for both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka

no I didn’t mean that / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury

#1: you could argue that Obi-Wan is right when he said Ahsoka let her feelings cloud her judgement in leaving; that she couldn’t see the facts through the pain of being betrayed by the Council. and then, when she comes back in the Siege of Mandalore, immediately, she and Obi-Wan start arguing, and then both of them are clouded by their feelings, both feeling hurt by the other and lashing out.

#3: again, this is just so Anakin turning to the Dark Side. he obviously doesn’t realize that he’s being blinded by fury (or maybe he does and just doesn’t care, or probably, thinks that is the only way). but he is. he’s completely blinded to logic, to reality by the fury that Sidious has spent years amping up and harvesting and Anakin himself has spent years bottling.

you haven’t met the new me yet

this line is really painful if you view it from Anakin’s perspective. they both believed he was dead, but no, turns out he’s a Sith Lord, in fact the Sith Lord that’s been the Emperor’s tool in causing immense pain and destruction across the galaxy. it’s this evil, excited little line from his POV (think that ROTS comic: “please say it’s Kenobi. Lord Vader gets such a thrill from killing people who care for him”)

there’ll be happiness after me / but there was happiness because of me / both of these things I believe

again, there’s that optimism, that desire to help people, to do good in the world, and this faith that Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both have. that’s why Obi-Wan helps Luke, that’s why Ahsoka joins the Rebellion. it’s all to ensure that there will be some happiness, some light after them (and maybe a little because of them. again, see the first chorus. they were happy once, and they both know it. “we’ll be fine, as long as we stay together.”)

there is happiness / in our history / across our great divide

I see this mostly as Ahsoka and Anakin (and Obi-Wan) during season 7. there’s still a connection, of course, love and happiness between them, despite the ending that’s right on their heels, as well as the great divide of Ahsoka leaving the Order.

there is a glorious sunrise / dappled with the flickers of light

Anakin does end up returning to the Light Side and his reunion with Obi-Wan is surely like a “glorious sunrise” that ended the darkness of the past twenty+ years. the second part I just see as a fun, literal line—flickers of light are lightsabers, blaster fire, the Light Side

I can’t make it go away by making you a villain

in short, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka can’t make the pain or the past happiness go away because Anakin’s now Vader. they still both remember Anakin fondly and with love, despite his fall. they loved him, still. in ROTS, when Anakin says “from my point of view, the Jedi are evil!” Obi-Wan doesn’t say “then you are evil,” or even “you are wrong,” he says “then you are lost.” lost. as in, can be found again. not evil, not unworthy, not wrong. just lost. there’s this goodness that Anakin has that he is ignoring and straying from (”there is good in him”). and in the context of Order 66, Ahsoka can’t and doesn’t make the clones villains because she knows they’re actually the victims. as much pain as it causes, they’re not the villains and she can’t act like they are. 

so I know there’s a lot of discourse about Anakin apologists or whatever, so all I’ll say is that George Lucas has said that the prequels are to show how a “nice little kind kid, who has good intentions” turns into Darth Vader. the whole point of the PT is this line—while Anakin/Vader is no doubt the villain in the OT and in ROTS to a degree, that doesn’t make everything else go away. the other stuff doesn’t excuse what he did, all the pain he caused, but we can’t make it go away, just because he’s a villain. that’s one of the beauties of the prequels, that we get this extremely fleshed out, torn and struggling kid who ends up making all the wrong choices and becoming the terrible villain we see in the OT. 

I guess it’s the price I pay for seven years in heaven

while none of these scenarios is seven years exactly, it does continue to drive the point of “all the years I’ve given is just shit we’re dividing up.” everything these characters had, individually and with each other, just gets utterly, completely ruined. 

in a more meta-sense, the ending of The Clone Wars is the price we, the fans, pay for seven seasons of the show. 

no one teaches you what to do / when a good man hurts you / and you know you hurt him too

this could point again to Ahsoka and Anakin, but also Ahsoka and Obi-Wan after she leaves the Order. when she comes back, none of them really know what to say, what to do, how to act around each other. this obviously comes out as arguments and words that are so close to what they really want to say, but just short. they’ve all been hurt and none of them know what to do about it. 

and, of course, Obi-Wan and Anakin in ROTS. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to believe that Anakin’s fallen to the Dark Side, and later on Tatooine, knowing he’s hurt and been hurt by Anakin, doesn’t know what to do

after giving you the best I had / tell me what to give after that

again again, all the years they’ve given. all the love they had. everyone they knew & loved. gone. 

leave it all behind / and there is happiness