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kmgkmg · 2 years

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GOOD RIDDANCE, A NEW TIME - JOSHUA HONG

word count: 4.7k... (my longest fic yet!!)

pairing: joshua x gn!reader x jihoon (for the first half)

synopsis: it’s the start of the new year and you’re spending it with a wildly attractive stranger in a leather jacket.

genre/s: angst (for the first half), fluff, non-idol!au

warnings: alcohol mention, cheating mention, angst

rating: pg-13

a/n: my first joshua fic! i hope y’all enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it :D!! this is another submission for k-vanity’s season’s greetings event! theme: formal, accessories/extras: new years eve, holiday party, resolutions, transition. the title comes from the song good riddance, a new time by laica!

“You have got to be kidding me, Y/N.” Jihoon sighs, his irritation quickly becoming evident.

“Aren’t we supposed to get off two stops from now?” You ask your boyfriend, confusingly looking at your phone and the maps app that was open.

“No! We should’ve gotten off at the stop the driver just drove past.” He slid back into his seat, beginning to tap his foot impatiently.

Who would’ve thought that your navigation app would misguide you, but you could tell that your boyfriend’s anger was growing by the second and nearly going to burst. The other occupants of the bus were looking at both of you, causing you to nervously look down at your phone and the incorrect directions once again. You wished that you could explain that his loud voice towards you wasn’t a regular thing to the people watching, but you knew that would only upset him more. Jihoon was always pretty understanding when it came to you, but lately he became snappy. You figured he had been more susceptible to emotional outbursts since he was rushing to meet the deadline for producing a new singer’s album, so you could only look at him apologetically and press the button to alert the bus driver that you wanted to get off at the next stop.

You had persuaded him with much effort to attend the New Years Eve party your mutual friend, Soonyoung, was throwing, hoping it would be the most opportune time for him to destress. It’s understandable to be upset, you thought to yourself. Especially when you were the cause of the two of you to be running late. You had recently bought a washer and dryer, sick of needing to visit the laundromat when the nearest one was a forty minute bus ride away. The problem with these new appliances is that the outfit you planned to wear for the party was still damp when Jihoon informed you that he was waiting in your apartment complex’s lobby. You still find it comical how you found anything and everything that matched Soonyoung’s party theme of ‘New Beginnings’, before haphazardly selecting articles of clothing.

The bus takes a slight turn to the right and abruptly stops, indicating that it was your stop to get off. You’re torn from your thoughts of earlier and look beside you, only to see Jihoon’s spot was vacant. He was already at the bus’ door and asking the driver to open the exit. You frown, unused to him ignoring you, but regardless get up from your seat and leave the bus. Promptly putting on a smile, you hurriedly try to catch up to Jihoon, who was walking at an overwhelmingly fast pace. He was busy on his phone, probably texting Soonyoung to inform him that you would be late.

“How good do you think the music will be this year? Last year’s music was awful, but I feel like that was because Chan ordered a random local DJ to perform. At least Hansol is going to be in control today.” You try to start conversation, cautiously glancing at his expression and attempting to read the mood between the two of you.

Silence fills the air as he continues to walk at his hasty pace, before he finally looks up from his screen, exciting you for the potential interest you sparked.

“Why would I care about music when I’m not working? God Y/N, you are so dense.” His tired expression and monotonous tone leave you flustered, resulting in another apology, yet this time it was quietly muttered. Silence suddenly fell onto the two of you again and the rest of the walk was finished with the complete absence of words.

The music can be heard nearly a block away, but the familiar tunes of popular songs amongst your friend group causes you to feel a bit more at ease with yourself and the night. The queue to get into the club was snaking around the corner and you felt extremely grateful that your friends had rented out a section of the venue. Jihoon gives the bouncer your names and the worker checks their list before nodding and letting you both enter. Walking in Jihoon makes a beeline for the bar, leaving you alone once again. Sighing, you start to search for Soonyoung’s reserved table by yourself and prepare yourself for a stressful night.

You hear a voice that you’re accustomed to before you feel an arm sling around your shoulders. “Y/N, the one and only! My favorite fellow moodmaker is finally here, and with Producer Woozi!” Seungkwan slurringly shouts to express his joy at your arrival, before grabbing your shoulders with each of his hands to look you straight in the eyes. His face turns serious and you prepare for what he’s going to say before he hiccups, “You know we love you, right?”

You laugh at his drunken antics and hug him, before nearly jumping out of your skin at the sound of another familiar voice behind the two of you.

“Jihoon finally decided to take a break from his work and we have you to thank for that.” Breaking from your hug with the intoxicated Seungkwan, you turn around and see Seungcheol waving at you with a smirk grin. He told the group chat that he wasn’t going to be able to attend since he would be abroad when the party was going to happen, so his appearance was entirely unexpected. But he loved surprising you guys and he had successfully done just that. You enthusiastically wave back at your friend, having your mood drastically improve from earlier when you were alone with Jihoon.

“Where is he by the way?” Seungcheol asks and Seungkwan’s arched eyebrows prove that he was equally as curious to know where their other friend was. You point to the bar, expecting him to be there, and he was sitting near the end, already having three empty glasses in front of him.

His presence was intimidating enough to make you all aware that you should leave him alone for the time being. Sensing your regained sadness, Seungkwan looks to Seungcheol and points with his head to the dancefloor.

Noticing Seungkwan’s hint, Seungcheol begins to ask if you’d wanna dance together but is discouraged to finish his sentence when you sit back on one of the club’s sofas. Wonwoo, who has been keeping you company, gives the guys an urgent look to lift your spirits. The three of them look at each other and shrug, unsure of what to do with the awkward tension between their friend group’s favorite couple, you and Jihoon. As if on cue, Hansol turns on one of your favorite songs and your ears perk up and eyes sparkle as if you were a kid who just got gifted their favorite candy.

“No way, did one of you tell Hansol to play this? I love you guys!” You were easy to satisfy and your three friends thanked Hansol and fate for playing the song at the right time. You run to the dance floor, making sure to motion for your friends to follow you and soon enough the four of you were dancing and enjoying yourselves to the beat of the song.

The party ended up being more fun than you originally thought it would be and although you arrived at 8:30, three hours had passed in the blink of an eye. The clock was ticking, time was dwindling, and in thirty minutes it would officially be a new year. A while ago you stopped dancing and you noticed that Jihoon was still sitting at the bar with one more empty glass. Making your way over to the bar, you gently placed your hand on top of his as he maintained a blank expression on his face.

“Babe, did you say hi to Seungcheol yet? He fooled all of us and actually showed up tonight!” You inform your boyfriend, laughing at how surprised you were.

“Yeah, he came over some time ago.” He replied simply.

“Oh nice!” You smile at him, taking a seat and ordering a mocktail since you didn’t really want to drink when Jihoon had already drank multiple drinks.

“3…2…1… Happy New Year!” The whole club erupted into cheers as people began to kiss whoever was next to them, a tradition that you always found to be one of the cutest.

“Happy New Year!” You exclaim, leaning towards Jihoon to kiss him, only for him to turn away from you. Confused, but blaming it on the alcohol in his system you put a hand on his cheek, you then tried to go in for a more lighthearted kiss on the cheek, but he still dodged your affection.

“Stop, Y/N. Let’s break up.”

His words hit you like arrows piercing through your heart and the music felt deafening now. “You’re drunk, I’ll take you back to your place and we can talk in the morning when you’re sober.” You reason, struggling to conceal the hurt that he had caused you to feel throughout the night.

He turns back towards you, with an alarmingly scary expression. “You know my tolerance is high. I’m serious, Y/N, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’ve been seeing someone else for about two months, we really aren’t compatible.”

“You’ve been cheating on me?” Tears begin to well up in your eyes and you find yourself standing up from the seat you were positioned in next to him.

“Don’t act like you aren’t all over our friends, instead of being with me this whole time you’ve been hanging out with them.”

His reply leaves you speechless, dumbfounded even. “How is hugging my friends who I’ve known for years, able to be compared to you cheating on me? I wouldn’t have needed to spend time with them if I had an attentive boyfriend. I never expected you to be fully energized going to this event, but I surely didn’t anticipate that you would give me the cold-shoulder for the entirety of the night either. You didn’t even wait for me to get off the bus together, Jihoon.”

“Well, I’ve made this decision a long time ago. We aren’t together anymore.” He shakes his head, irritated at your futile attempts to salvage your relationship.

“You really think relationships can be ended unilaterally?” You whimper, turning into a mess because of his damaging words.

“So you’re going to force me to stay with you? What type of relationship is that, Y/N? Relationships do end unilaterally all the time, it’s called getting dumped.” He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated that you weren’t giving up as easily as he predicted. Almost as if he had timed it, a girl walks to him and interlocks her arm with his and whispers something in his ear, arousing a laugh from him. “Are you starting to comprehend the situation better, Y/N?” He triumphantly asks you, making it the final nail in the coffin. Your sadness is now mixed with anger, and he walks off with the unidentified girl, once again leaving you alone.

You stand by yourself, reflecting on all that had happened and it all transpired when it was still less than fifteen minutes into the new year. “Wow, alright.”

You can sense that your friends were watching the whole scene play out and you couldn’t help but feel uneasy at the thought of being soothed by them. You know that this break up wouldn’t break up your friendship with the other guys, especially since you had introduced some of them to Jihoon, but knowing that didn’t make the fresh heartbreak hurt any less. You needed to get away from this club, away from Jihoon. Granted he wasn’t in your eyes’ sight, but you weren’t about to risk the chance of seeing his tongue down some girl’s throat.

You walk out of the club, having friends call out for you to come back inside. You knew it wasn’t smart to go out by yourself, especially since it was cold and late at night, but being in the club was too painful. How could Jihoon be so cruel? Thoughts racing in your head, you find yourself experiencing intense dizziness. Swiftly, you sit on the outside steps of a nearby building, putting your head in your hands to calm down. Panting can be heard from two people and you know they’re your friends. Sitting on the steps near you, you prepare yourself for whatever pep talk they thought of.

“Y/N, please come back inside.” Seungkwan begs as Wonwoo puts your coat over your shoulders and begins to rub your back.

“I don’t want to go back and see him.” You state, defeated.

Wonwoo and Seungkwan exchange looks, unable to figure out how to make you feel better. “At least let one of us drive you back to your place. Or we can take the bus with you back?” Wonwoo proposes, causing you to feel slightly warmer at the extent to which your friends cared for you.

“I’ll be better, I just need some time to myself. I have a pretty full battery for my phone and I can keep in contact with y’all throughout the night to ensure I’m safe. I had no drinks tonight, you know I’m responsible. Go, have fun at the party Hansol is DJing at.” You manage to lift your head from your hands and smile softly at the two friends in your view.

They sympathetically looked at you, understanding you wanted to be alone. “Okay, we’ll respect what you want, but if anything happens don’t hesitate to call any of us. We are all on your side, I can’t believe he would do that, and today of all days. The fucking audacity he has.” Seungkwan accepts your plans for the night and huffs in exasperation at Jihoon’s actions.

“Sounds good, thank you guys. Really.” You say before watching as they walked back in the direction of the club’s loud music.

Hearing three guys chat with each other, you continue staring at the pavement of the stairs. “Dude, we know your birthday is always overshadowed by New Years but we should still go have fun! It’s only a little past two, the night is ours.”

You overhear their conversation, not meaning to eavesdrop, but they were right in front of you and definitely weren’t whispering. You stayed quiet, hoping they would eventually walk away until noticing one of them wearing converse with small four leaf clovers painted on the white front part. “Oh, is it my lucky day then?” You chuckle to yourself, fed up with the irony of seeing such a sign, unaware of how loud your rhetorical question came out of your mouth.

Amused at the comment on his shoes, Joshua motions for his friends to stop talking for a minute, taking in the image of you on his apartment’s stairs, looking about as rough of a condition that he felt. He figured asking if you felt alright was a question doomed for failure, anyone could tell how dejected you are. Instead, he decided to be straightforward.

“What happened?”

You’re surprised that four leaf clover shoes is talking to you, and even more surprised when you look up and see three insanely unrealistic attractive men in front of you. The one in the center being four leaf clover shoes, wearing a leather jacket that only added to his hotness factor. But then again, it’s late at night and stranger danger is always a good code to live by.

“Who, who are you?” You countered instead of answering his question. The three guys look at each other before grasping the situation and realizing they must’ve looked intimidating to you.

“Sorry,” the four leaf clover shoes apologizes, “this is Jeonghan,” he introduces the guy on his right, “this is Mingyu,” he introduces the guy on his left, and finishes with himself, “and I’m Joshua. I live in the building that you’re currently sitting on the steps of.” His explanation of why he was on the steps with you instantly makes you jump up onto your feet, before stumbling at the dizziness that hadn’t diminished since you left the club.

Joshua’s amusement quickly becomes worry as he catches you from nearly tripping down the stairs. Tonight was truly not your night, he thinks to himself.

Mingyu tries to stifle his laugh before carelessly commenting, “Woah, someone must’ve had a lot of drinks tonight.” He didn’t mean for his sloppy judgment of you to be said out loud, but he had a few drinks already and was way beyond the tipsy state. Still, he knew well enough to recognize when he messed up and covered his mouth with his hands, clearly remorseful at his inner thoughts coming out. His clumsiness wasn’t anything new, but it still earned him mean looks from Joshua and Jeonghan, never failing to be shocked at their younger friend.

“I actually didn’t have any drinks.” You defend yourself while regaining your composure and leaning on the handrail next to you.

“Well, do you want to be left alone or taken to a nearby hospital to get checked out? Or would you rather go out with us?” Joshua inquires, not realizing that you thought he offered a health checkup and getting drunk in the same breath.

You laugh at the absurdity of the questions being asked, but drinking with them didn’t seem like the worst thing right now. “Sure, I could use a drink.”

Joshua blinks at Jeonghan and Mingyu and they respond with knowing looks, both aware that when Joshua meant go out he meant eat with them at their favorite 24-hour restaurant down the street. Since his birthday was so close to New Years, he never was a huge fan of partying all night. Nevertheless, he didn’t want to casually deny you from drinking, especially when you were feeling the way you were. Their plans were to catch up on the latest season of one of the series on Netflix that everyone had been talking about on social media for the past week, but Netflix can wait. He could sense that you needed companionship right now above everything else.

“Um, what type of drinks are you looking to have?” He starts to ask, before a phone suddenly rings.

Jeonghan pulls his phone out of his jeans pocket and picks up the call, unable to hear his friend past the blaring music of what he assumed to be a club. “Seungcheol? What are you saying, I can’t hear a single word you’re trying to tell me.”

Your eyes darted to the man who stood farther from you to accept his call, not expecting to hear the mention of your friend’s name. “You’re friends with Seungcheol? Choi Seungcheol?”

Now it was Jeonghan’s turn to be surprised as he removed his phone from his ear, “How do you know Seungcheol?”

“He’s my friend! Could you tell him I’m still safe?” You request, happy to know that you had mutual friends with these three strangers.

“Sure,” Jeonghan replies, returning to his phone call with his friend before noticing they never asked what your name was. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Y/N L/N!” You respond, waiting for him to be done with his conversation so you could drink with them.

“Seungcheol, Y/N L/N is with us right now and they’re still safe. They wanted you to know that, I really can’t hear you though. If you need me, or them, just text us.” Jeonghan practically yells into his phone, before ending the call. Exhausted from the unexpected use of his energy, Jeonghan looks at the three of you with a more haggard expression on his face. “I should go pick him up. Whenever he calls me, 99.99% of the time it means that he got hammered and needs me to take care of him.” He groans and the fact that Jeonghan knew Seungcheol’s drunk habits made you feel even more comfortable with the guys in front of you.

“Him and Soonyoung really are the clingiest when they drink, huh?” You agree, nodding to yourself at the thought of your drunk friends.

“How do you know them by the way?” Mingyu asks, confused since he never ran into you at parties or other events.

“I’ve known some of them since high school, others in the friend group I met through Jihoon. It’s easy to get acquainted with your boyfriend’s friends– or should I say ex-boyfriend now, ha.” You explain, turning uncomfortable at the mention of your freshly established ex.

Mingyu makes an ‘O’ shape with his mouth, “You were Jihoon’s partner? They talked about you all the time, when did you change your hair from the ruby color he always talked about?”

Your face twists in confusion, letting the truth of Jihoon cheating on you finally set in. “Oh, that must be the person he was cheating on me with. I’ve had this hair color for the past year.” You grab a strand of your hair while looking at it seemingly unbothered, as the three men in front of you are left flustered by your nonchalant energy.

“Sorry, we should really go pick up Seungcheol, Y/N. Also Jihoon is absolute trash for cheating on you, we’ve only met you tonight but you seem way too good for him.” Jeonghan glares at Mingyu again for speaking before thinking, that was one of his resolutions to fix for the new year. Jeonghan pulled Mingyu down the stairs and waved goodbye to you, leaving the disoriented Joshua alone with you.

A silence fills the air, a limitless amount more comfortable than the silence you experienced with Jihoon earlier in the night. You both begin to speak at the same time, causing an overlap and making both of you laugh at your impeccable timing. “You first.” He offers, but you shake your head and motion for him to speak first.

“Well, where would you wanna go?” He asks.

“Somewhere that you feel at peace.” You stated, hoping your night would get better.

The first place he brought you was a diner about three blocks from the building he lived in. Even though it was New Years Eve weekend and everyone was outside partying, the diner seemed to function in a completely separate dimension. Its interior was a bit barren, making it seem like a prime example of a stock photo when someone would search liminal spaces on the internet. However, being with Joshua the diner still gave off welcoming energy. The heater was also on, warming you up on this cold winter night.

He took the initiative to choose a booth and greeted a waiter that he seemed to know. So he was a regular here, good to know. Giving a menu to you first, he pointed out his favorite items off the menu, asking what your preferences were and altering his recommendations to fit what he thinks you’d like. You wanted to pay attention to what he was saying, but something about him made it impossible for you to look away from his face. Not realizing how long you were staring, Joshua had looked up to see you in what he assumed to be a zoned out state.

“Y/N?” Your name being said makes you stop staring at him and quickly look down at the menu, trying to play it off that you were shamelessly checking him out.

He smirks, trying to lighten the mood. “Do I have something on my face?”

Before you can reply, the waiter comes to your table asking if you were ready to order. You internally sigh to yourself, relieved that you didn’t have to answer him. Joshua looked at you, expecting you to order what you wanted to eat, but you hadn’t paid attention to the menu since you were too focused on his face. “I’ll get the same as whatever you’re getting.” You mumble as your embarrassment only continues to grow by the minute.

He nods, placing the order before handing his friend the menus and leaning back. “Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?” He carefully asks, not sure how serious the events that occurred were.

You normally wouldn’t talk about your feelings, especially to a stranger, but something about him was different. He had the kindest eyes you’ve seen, eyes that look as if they would understand you even if you shared your deepest and darkest secret. “Well, it started with my dryer not working…”

Hours passed and multiple glasses had been emptied between the two of you. Neither of you were drunk, although you had been with him for a long time all of the empty glasses were from smoothies. The diner was also known for its smoothie flavors, a dessert that you loved to consume. Your food had long since been devoured, with the only remains being cold fries. You learned he had grown up in LA and only moved to this city a couple of years ago so he wasn’t as well acquainted with your other friends like Jeonghan and Mingyu were. He continued to go on about his life and the recent happenings, even revealing that his last heartbreak was about four months ago when his ex confessed they cheated on him. His similar experiences only bonded the two of you quicker, and you found yourself sharing even the most cringeworthy stories with him. You liked how free he made you feel, you could say anything and still not have to worry about how he perceived you.

Joshua holds up his final smoothie of the night and begins to toast, "Good riddance to Jihoon, and here's to a new time, a better year!” He smiles at you, downing the remnants of his drink and paying the waiter for your food. You offered to pay half, considering you spent way more than you expected, but he adamantly refused.

“I was the one who invited you out, wasn’t I?” He concludes, holding the door as you both walk out of the diner with the sun starting to rise. The approaching sunrise made the city look anew once again and although you got your heart broken earlier, you felt refreshed. You had been through hell and back for the last day of the past year, but you were grateful that you could begin the new year with your newfound friend. A clean slate, with a sincerely caring person was what you needed and words could not articulate how thankful you were for Joshua’s presence.

“Let me take you home, only if you’re comfortable with me doing so.” As you were about to walk to the nearest bus stop that offered your route, Joshua’s voice interrupted your thoughts.

“You would do that?” Once again, you’re touched by his attentiveness to you. He only nods in response, smiling at you again.

The bus ride back to your apartment was more relaxing than any other bus ride you’ve had before. Somehow, the fifty minute commute was satisfying to experience today. Knowing that you had today off, seeing the city before everyone was fully awake was a consoling way to start the new year. It was an added bonus that you got to spend more time with Joshua. Soon enough, you were near your apartment complex and you hit the button to get off. Joshua trailed behind you, stopping at the bus stop to wait for the next bus back to his place. Seeing how he didn’t expect anything and genuinely wanted to make sure you were safe made your heart beat faster, and you decided that if it was the new year, you weren’t going to live with regrets. Although you had been walking to your building, you turned on your heels to walk back to him. He was patiently waiting at the stop, clearly tired from the night, but that sight of him only made you more certain that you were interested in him. Tapping his shoulder and making him jump slightly made you giggle, but his face soon softened upon seeing you. Anytime he smiled at you, it made your heart beat even faster.

“Did you forget something?” He innocently wondered, standing up in your presence.

“Yeah…you actually. Do you want to stay over for breakfast?” You boldly suggested, pleased with his reaction when his face lit up and he shook his head in agreement.

Maybe it was your lucky day after all. The new year was going to be memorable, you could tell.

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revvethasmythh · 6 months

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Random-ass fic question: Of all the dialogue you've published so far, what is your favorite line/exchange/monologue? What is it about that dialogue that you enjoy most? Was there anything notable about the process to come up with it?

Did I just go through ALL of my published fics scouring them for favorite dialogue? 100%, absolutely I did. But, ironically, my answer is actually from the most recent fic I published, which was a holiday themed Gale/Durge piece I wrote back in December.

I suppose the context of the moment is important, in that Durge is having trouble adjusting to mundane life after everything and Gale is seeking advice from Jaheira about this. My favorite published dialogue is Jaheira's monologue from the end of that fic (that first dialogue is from Gale):

“So what do I do?” Jaheira shrugged, her voice uncommonly gentle. “You find space for her. Space for her to try and to fail. Space for her to experiment and to grow. I was growing larkspur recently—they’re beautiful flowers, but, like anything, they require care. Full sun, moist soil, and mine grew to be quite tall, so they required a stake to give them support.” Her hands opened and closed and she stared into the corner of the room, as if searching for the right words. “Living things love to grow. All living things can grow into something beautiful, I believe, as long as you treat them right and give them the support they need to keep going. But the growing itself? That’s for them to do. You want my advice? Be her sun. Keep your hand steady at her back. Find her the space to grow and the means to do so. Then you can only hope you will watch her flourish.” She tipped her head from side to side. “I don’t know how much that will help, but that’s what you get when you ask for wizened advice, yes?”

I don't know, something especially about "living things love to grow" stuck with me after writing that. I actually, genuinely think about it frequently, as if it was advice given to me by Jaheira and not something I thought up on my own. Also, I think I love it because it feels very in character? I finished it and I was like "yes! THAT was a successful representation of her character and something she absolutely WOULD say."

I WISH there was something notable about the process of writing this. Well, actually I'd written 7k of that fic in one day all at once because I was trying to meet a deadline to publish it, so by the time I got to this I was a little delirious and I actually think it helped me channel Jaheira because I just was not overthinking it. If delirium can give you anything, it's the ability to not overthink what you're doing and just follow your instincts to put the right things on paper.

Also a bonus favorite UN-published dialogue below the cut because it's funny and also I just like to add bonus things whenever I talk about my writing:

This is a conversation that never ended up getting published because I lose momentum on the piece (I might return to it one day, still, but for now it's on indefinite hiatus). But every time I see this in my notes it just makes me cackle. Like, yeah, this IS a conversation Beau and Veth would have

Beau threw her head back and growled in frustration. “I know you love your husband. But are you happy?” Silence fell. Assurances sprang to Veth’s lips, but for the first time she found she couldn’t force them out. To her complete humiliation, she felt tears start to gather in her eyes. “Beau,” she began haltingly. “I-I don’t know what to do.” “Oh, shit,” Beau’s hands were planted on the table, fingers splayed wide and rigid. “You’re crying. Oh gods. I’ve literally never seen you cry.” “I don’t know what to do, Beau! Oh my gods, I’m crying.” She paused to swat at her wet cheeks in disbelief. “Oh shit, oh fuck, okay, come here.” Beau practically vaulted over the table to get next to Veth, throwing her arms around her and pulling her close. “I don’t cry!” Veth wailed, letting herself fall into Beau’s arms. “What did you do to me?” “I don’t know! I just asked you a question. Shit, I wish Caduceus was here. He would know what to do.” “Caduceus? I don’t want to talk about this with Caduceus!” “Okay, cool, cool, cool, good thing he’s not here, then.” Beau patted Veth’s back and tightened her grip on her. “Let it out, Veth. Just let it all out.” “You’re so bad at this.” “Hey, I’m trying! And, no, I’m not bad at this. I give great hugs.” Veth sniffled pathetically, nuzzling her head into the crook of Beau’s shoulder. “I bet Yasha gives better hugs. What if I want Yasha to hug me instead?” “Veth,” Beau’s breath hissed in through gritted teeth. “I know you’re going through a crisis right now, but I will punt your ass right back to Nicodranas.”

#thanks for the ask!!#fic asks #asks #mareastrorum

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zaffrenotes · 4 years

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[RoD] Dammit! Jordan!

Pairing/Players: Logan x Jin, Colt x Jordan Rating/Warnings: PG – language/swearing and sexual innuendo, but mostly fluff Author’s Note: * All main characters belong to Pixelberry, I’m just borrowing them * OCs are my creation * based on a conversation with @troublemakerinspace on odd writing prompts (prompt will be in bold), Halloween costumes, and fun times with Colt’s new lady and the MPC * Word Count: +/- 1000

Taglist: @ao719 @blackcatkita @debramcg1106 @everythingchoices @gibbles82 @hustacks @loveellamae @ofpixelsandscribbles @smalltalk88 // @burnsoslow @leelee10898 @pirateofprose // @aestheticartsx @brightpinkpeppercorn @choicesarehard @iplaydrake @isporticus1234 @lovehugsandcandy @saivilo

Colt and Jordan have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks (7, to be exact), very low key but everyone knows

Jin (and Logan, and the rest of the OG crew) are excited/like giving him a hard time about the whole thing

He reminds everyone that he can fire them if he wants to

Jordan is TJ’s new favorite person because of her pink hair

Halloween is coming up and Jin and Logan ask TJ what she wants to dress up as

She’s still on her Lilo & Stitch obsession, so she says Lilo

Which means Jin’s going as Nani, and Logan asks if he’s supposed to be Stitch

TJ: No Dada, you Davey (David)

TJ wants Colt to be Stitch, and Jordan to be Scrump

Colt: why does your family always make me dress up in blue paint? I’m not a smurf!

TJ pouts; Colt crouches down to her height, gives her a kiss on the forehead, and says of course he’ll wear a costume for her

He finds a Stitch hoodie he can wear; considers buying a Scrump hoodie for Jordan, but she says she’s got her costume set

Jordan also starts being a little weird when she and Colt make out; she looks at his clothing tags

Colt: look. LOOK. I like the red pants, okay? And I know the shirts are ridiculous but I like the way the cotton feels from this specific designer

Jordan: I was just curious

(She is not just curious…)

They go trunk-or-treating in a parking lot organized by TJ’s daycare

Jordan manages to convince Colt to go on a double date with Jin and Logan on Halloween night, after trunk-or-treating

Toby and Ximena volunteer to hand out candy to the kids while Mona keeps the other guys in line at the shop

Though that doesn’t stop Mona from taking photos of Colt in his Stitch hoodie when he’s not looking

TJ’s Hula Lilo with a grass skirt that she loves swishing and twirling in

Jin’s happy her costume only involves wearing denim shorts and a t-shirt with a heart on it; while Logan wanted to wear a sarong and carry fire batons, Jin found a Hawaiian shirt for him to wear

Jordan’s costume makes Colt smile with appreciation - she wears a mint green skater dress with a wonky button sewn on it, a red ribbon choker, and styled her hair to make a pink bow on top of her hair, complete with yellow pipe cleaner Scrump hair on top

She’s got facepaint that matches her dress, drawn on a crooked smile, and painted a pair of round shades for her button eyes

TJ laughs with delight and walks with Jordan and Colt, holding their hands because Stitch and Scrump are her best friennnnndsssss

Toby loses his mind over the tiny kids in costumes and gives away too much candy in the first ten minutes

Ximena shakes her head and pulls a few extra bags from the trunk of her car to share

Toby and Ximena are on TJ babysitting duty, so they follow 🥰 the Rhees 🥰to their house; Jin and Logan will meet Colt and Jordan at Colt’s place

Jin: we’ll see you at 10! Be dressed and ready to go!

Colt: why so late? And why wouldn’t we be dressed?

Jordan: oh, did I forget to tell you? We’re going to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show with them

Colt: *panicking internally* and the “being dressed” part?

Jordan: *awkward smile* costumes, Boss

Colt: ⊙▂⊙

Jordan spends the rest of the drive trying to get Colt to agree to wear a costume

She eventually succeeds

They have a flirty makeout session in the shower so they can both wash off the facepaint (lessons learned from when Colt dressed up as Tyril)

Jordan ducks out while he primps in the bathroom and lays out their costumes on the bed

Colt: woman, I just washed my face, and now…wait. Wait wait wait. You said we were wearing a (he sighs and rolls his eyes) couples costume. What the fuck is that?

Jordan’s slips on the solitary college t-shirt Colt owns from a drawer and lets the towel drop to the floor, patting moisturizer onto her skin and starts doing her makeup

Jordan: your costume.

Colt: You said you were going as Magenta. Why are there two sets of fishnets? And…hot pants?

Jordan: Those are for you, Boss 😉

Colt: Riff Raff doesn’t wear stockings. He wears a raggedy ass tux

Jordan: but Magenta’s master, Frank-n-Furter does wear stockings

Colt refuses to put on the costume. Full on temper tantrum, crossed arms, pouty frown, vehement head shaking

Jordan asks Jin to send a selfie of her and Logan in costume

Jin sends two - she’s half dressed in a bra and slip, and Logan’s in high waist white jockeys, tube socks, and loafers; in the second photo Jin’s holding up a pink dress and white sweater, and Logan’s holding dress slacks and a tan jacket in front of him

Colt’s mood lightens

Jordan bargains with him - he can keep the surgical gown on as long as he wears the full costume, and she’ll go commando 😏

Colt: 😏😏😏

Jin and Logan arrive at Colt’s place early, wearing their full costumes; Jordan answers the door, fixing the apron to her maid’s uniform and half her eye makeup done

Jordan: Colt’ll be down in a minute, the shoes are a bit tricky for him

Jin and Logan take a seat on the couch while Jordan finishes her makeup

After a few minutes, they hear clumsy footsteps on the stairs and Colt’s voice as it carries

Colt: If I have to wear this getup, Logan can be the designated driver tonight!

Logan and Jin turn their heads and stifle their laughter, watching Colt partially strut in platform heels to grab a beer from the fridge

The surgical gown is completely open in the back, so they see the hot pants and fishnet stockings, complete with garter belts

Jordan: They’re in the living room waiting for us!

Colt’s tipped the beer bottle back to drink, and he freezes at Jordan’s voice

He drinks the entire beer before turning around

Jin waves from the couch, tears in her eyes from laughing silently

Logan: Colt?

Colt: Yeah?

Logan: Lookin good in lingerie, bro.

#rod fanfic #choices rod #colt kaneko #colt x oc #logan x mc #rod logan #mercy park crew shenanigans #rod fanfiction #choices fanfiction #zaffrenotes writes #just me trying to meet holiday themed writing deadlines #while I panic over the other fic I have to finish writing #I'm not panicking you're panicking

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shinobimagpie · 3 years

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Hi everybody!

So I've been rather quiet the last while and it's because I have been building up a new fandom project. I've been pulled back into the lovely hobby that is RP and am bringing my years of experience on forums, dms and livejournal to running a Naruto roleplaying server on Discord. So if you have Discord and like Naruto and also roleplay, please consider...

Hidden In The Fanon ~ A Naruto Roleplaying Group with a Rotating AU Setting

The idea of this RP is just to reset into a new AU every once in a while and explore the many versions of our characters meeting and bonding anew in every universe.

Every few months we will vote from a few options suggested by players and/or curated by lead mod Zippy and spend a while playing around in a particular AU setting. The intended minimum 'AU length' will be at least 4 weeks and we will keep the AU open long as people vote to stay with it, depending on interest and what we want to accomplish plot-wise.

Mods will try to set up an overarching mini plot or an event of some kind being built up to/going on during each AU (like a holiday or a school dance) and other plots planned by players can take place intersecting with or around this 'mod plot' as players like.

We also have an often-used Holodeck category where we post plot ideas and scene prompts and people can start a thread to play out any kind of one-shot scene or story their heart desires. And of course we have a robust set of OOC channels for all your shenanigan and planning needs.

Most of our players have full time work/school so our game is not intended to be played super swiftly - you don't need to be online or able to write/play every single day. We want players to take their time, have fun, and focus on writing the things they want to write and having quality interactions with other players.

We aren't an adult-content focused server, but we do allow adult topics and roleplay so we ask that all applying members be 18+.

Whether you have never done writing roleplay before like some of our players, or are a veteran from the LJ wars on a pandemic-spurred nostalgia trip like myself, we would love to have you join us and see what we are all about.

We are currently running a short Halloween themed Summer Camp with Murderer AU until Oct 31st, and we will shortly be voting on our next, longer, AU, so this seems like an ideal time to add new players!

Applications won't have a deadline, but we will only be adding **four** new players at most at this time, so that we don't end up with more new people than we can properly give our attention, help, and time to as they settle into the game and make friends. :)

Characters We Are Looking For

More Uchihas (we only have Shisui and Madara so far)

The missing members of our Konoha 12 teams: Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Chouji, Shikamaru, Kankuro, Gaara, and Neji.

Asuma, Kurenai, Original InoShikaCho, and any other 'adult' characters (we have Kakashi, Gai, Anko, Yamato, Rin and Tsunade)

Anybody from Founders Era (our Madara is too fab to be this lonely! Esp Hashirama or Tobirama)

Orochimaru or Any Hidden Sound Nin (we have a Kabuto and a Tayuya)

Akatsuki Members, especially Hidan!

We also allow up to two Original Characters per player, so you can also app an OC if you like, just tell us a bit about them in your application.

If you're interested in knowing more about the game please DM me, and if you already like the sound of things and want to apply, click here!

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

#naruto roleplay #discord roleplay #idk how else to tag this lol #do you wanna try out some rp?#come try out my server it would be cool to have you!

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mypoisonedvine · 4 years

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I know, I know, the only writing challenge I should be doing right now is finishing my fucking WIPs, but hey, I love the holidays and I’ve been wanting to host a challenge for forever!

here are the basic rules;

the title is probably pretty obvious here, but all the fics should be holiday or winter-themed in some way and feature mcu characters, or their actors (or other roles from the same people)

all ratings accepted! g to x, anything goes.

all genres accepted! platonic, wholesome, dark, it’s all fair game.

all lengths accepted! just use a read more if it’s anything more than 500 words

rpf accepted!

(pls no snuff, underage, or bestiality as always)

tag me when you post and also use the tag #myfestivevine (lol), just so I can find it

deadline is the end of february, but I imagine people will want to post their stuff in time for the holiday they’re covering.

that’s all you really need to know, but below the cut I have some holiday and prompt ideas to get you started if you aren’t immediately sure what you want to do! thanks in advance to anyone who participates :)

some holidays you could potentially cover:

christmas (secular)

christmas (christian)

hanukkah (jewish)

kwanzaa/karamu ya imani (african american)

winter solstice (pagan/secular/astrological)

pancha ganapati (hindu)

festivus (secular/parody)

krampusnacht (european christian)

new year's eve/day (secular)

lunar new year (asian/astrological)

bodhi day (buddhism)

just straight up winter, the season. no holiday necessary.

(quick note: I encourage writers to use this as an opportunity, either to share their own traditions and culture with us, or to explore and learn about one they are less familiar with. if you choose to go with the latter, please be cautious and respectful in your cultural depictions. writers whose cultural background is often underrepresented, and/or whose holiday is rarely written about, are especially encouraged to participate!!)

wintery/holiday themes, dialogue, and plot ideas:

office/work holiday party

secret santa gift exchange

lingerie or a sex toy as a gift 👀

engagement ring as a gift 👀👀👀

sledding, skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating

baking holiday foods together (decorating cookies???)

mistletoe

ugly christmas sweaters

snowed in

shopping for a christmas tree together

taking a vacation somewhere new for the holiday

visiting/meeting the family

favorite christmas songs (this can also apply to any other holiday that has songs!! I just only know one non-christmas winter holiday song and it's 'dreidel dreidel dreidel' aaaand it's already stick in my head just from thinking about it)

favorite holiday movies

exchanging handmade gifts

kissing at the new year's eve countdown

getting your kids dressed/prepared for the christmas/holiday pageant

ordering chinese takeout when all the other restaurants are closed

"being with you is the best gift I could ask for"

"have you been naughty or nice this year?"

"come sit on my lap and tell me what you want"

"don't you dare try to find where I've hidden your presents"

"honestly, I hate the holidays/this holiday."

"is that a christmas cracker in your pocket or are you excited to see me?"

"okay, your present is too big to wrap, so just cover your eyes…"

"oh, so 'dick in a box' isn't an acceptable present?"

"I think I might be drunk on eggnog"

"what are you talking about?! die hard is TOTALLY a christmas movie."

"there's no way that flimsy little jacket will protect you from the cold… here, take my coat"

"are you cold?" "no." "your teeth are chattering… sure you don't want me to warm you up?"

"you ate the gingerbread house?!" "...was I not supposed to?"

"welcome… to my christmas attack zone!"

"I can't go to another family reunion single… be my fake boyfriend/girlfriend/partner for the holiday? please?"

"the ground is so icy, I'm afraid I'll slip!" "here, hold onto me to keep steady."

"I refuse to participate in any merriment this year. I'm an adult and you can't make me."

"christmas is overrated. I officially declare December 25th 'Halloween 2'."

"don't freak out, but I definitely just burnt our big fancy holiday dinner…"

"you mean you don't do (unique personal tradition)?" "literally nobody but you does that."

"it's a christmas movie!" "it's a halloween movie!" "it's a christmas movie!" "it's a halloween m—" "WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP ABOUT THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS?!"

"ugh, is dinner ready yet?!" "sure, if you're willing to risk your life for raw turkey."

"I get that you aren't the most festive person, but this is the most pathetic attempt at decorations I've ever seen."

you don’t have to do one of these to participate and you don’t have to claim anything! as long as it fits the requirements above the cut, you’re good to go. more than one person could end up doing the same prompt, which is fine because everyone’s individual writing will turn out different!

#myfestivevine #mcu writing challenge #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #sam wilson x reader #peter parker x reader

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simply-trash5 · 3 years

Text

Hi everybody!

**Hidden In The Fanon

A Naruto Roleplaying Group with a Rotating AU Setting**

The idea of this RP is just to reset into a new AU every once in a while and explore the many versions of our characters meeting and bonding anew in every universe.

Mods will try to set up an overarching mini plot or an event of some kind being built up to/going on durring each AU (like a holiday or a school dance) and other plots planned by players can take place intersecting with or around this 'mod plot' as players like.

We aren't an adult-content focused server, but we do allow adult topics and roleplay so we ask that all applying members be 18+.

**Characters We Are Looking For:**

More Uchihas (we only have Shisui and Madara so far)

The missing members of our Konoha 12 teams: Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Chouji, Shikamaru, Kankuro, Gaara, and Neji.

Asuma, Kurenai, Original InoShikaCho, and any other 'adult' characters (we have Kakashi, Gai, Anko, Yamato, Rin and Tsunade)

Anybody from Founders Era (our Madara is too fab to be this lonely! Esp Hashirama or Tobirama)

Orochimaru or Any Hidden Sound Nin (we have a Kabuto and a Tayuya)

Akatsuki Members, especially Hidan!

We also allow up to two Original Characters per player, so you can also app an OC if you like, just tell us a bit about them in your application.

If you're interested in knowing more about the game please DM me, and if you already like the sound of things and want to apply, click here!

https://forms.gle/vKHr2mqdScwmq24Y6

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

#naruto #naruto rp #roleplay #anime roleplay

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stormsingerstudios-blog · 6 years

Photo

Homecoming ~Morenatsu Revisited~ (Release #1)

Happy holidays, everyone!

It's been a long development process, but we've finally made it! Me and the rest of Stormsinger Studios are proud to bring you the first release of Homecoming!

After some extensive pre-release testing and a stream preview courtesy of our friend Deckerlink, we feel it's finally ready for the public. A lot of hard work and dedication has gone into this project, and I personally couldn't be more proud of the results so far. We hope all of you enjoy the experience as much as we've enjoyed making it!

As stated in previous posts, Homecoming is a radical reimagining of Morenatsu, so please understand what it actually is. Going in, be prepared for many in-progress elements, especially on the art side of things. Homecoming is a ground-up remake of the Morenatsu we love, and many artistic liberties have been taken with the source material. We know that isn't to everyone's preference, but the intent of Homecoming is to provide a new, updated experience for old fans and newcomers to Morenatsu. For most of us on the development team, Morenatsu was a first experience coming to terms with who we are, and we want to provide the best experience possible for people who are in the same situation as we were all those years ago. If even one person plays our game and learns to love themselves for who they are on the inside, well...I consider that a victory.

A-Anyway, links are after this next section, where I'm updating the FAQ I made way back when we first announced this project.

Have a good rest of the year!

~ Dzahn

+++++ FAQ +++++

1. What is Homecoming?

A. Homecoming is a ground-up recoding of what we've already finished for Revisited. We're also increasing the game's resolution to a widescreen format, so everything should look cleaner and more organized. Essentially, think of this as a soft reboot for the Revisited project and a remake for Morenatsu as a whole.

2. Why stop developing the old version?

A. We believed it was a necessary step forward. Many issues started mounting as we developed Revisited, such as pressure from hardcore fans of the original to not change, disregard for the hard work we've put into the project, and resulting bloated code/file size trying to accommodate everyone. Starting fresh gives us the opportunity to make the experience we can feel proud of, ensuring every aspect stays consistent and the best it can be.

3. Will this change the story?

A. Yes, quite a bit, but ideally still keeping enough that it "feels" like Morenatsu. Revisited originally started out as a project to bring Morenatsu to a more accessible platform and correct grammatical errors. Along the way, it morphed into a project that tried to update the stories and give them more emotional depth. The same quality of writing you see in Revisited will continue on into Homecoming. We are embracing the “adaptation” aspect of the project, though. This means that areas where we feel there needs to be a change, such as the inclusion of female sprites, we will be making adjustments. Entire routes from the original are being rewritten from scratch to match the quality of routes released later in the game's lifespan (Kounosuke, Shun, Kouya).

4. You keep using the word "adaptation". What do you mean by that?

A. Like when your favorite movie gets a modern remake, or an old classic television show gets a new revival, we see Homecoming as an opportunity to remake Morenatsu and give another spin on the classic storylines.

5. What does this mean for us who want the old art, music, and storylines?

We're making Homecoming because we love Morenatsu and feel another artistic direction will achieve the themes we're aiming for. We're not trying to spite anyone, as rumors have stated.

Other projects have popped up who meet the "don't change anything" expectations better than we ever could. Stormsinger Studios won't be the ones doing this for you, but if you want to experience the game the original creators intended, I highly recommend checking out rtlstien's Revival port: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26153752/

6. When can we expect updates for Homecoming?

A. We're all very busy people. Even this first release took a lot longer than I anticipated. Since we're not on any payment plans like Patreon (and have no desire to be), game updates are going to be on the old fashioned "when it's done" schedule. We'll try to keep you up to date in places like FA and Twitter, but due to our crazy schedules it would be foolish to force strict deadlines.

7. What has changed going from Revisited to Homecoming?

A. Homecoming aims to remake Morenatsu with a different goal. We desire to make a game that connects with people personally, makes them feel like things will get better in life...because eventually everything does. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and we're restructuring Morenatsu to better achieve that theme.

Coming from Revisited, Homecoming will feature new sprites, CGs, music, sound effects...basically, new everything! The resolution has increased to a widescreen format, so everything has the chance to look better and feel more modern. As stated before, the storylines have been updated to aim for a theme of "Hope". Finally, most Gallery features from Revisited will be ported over to Homecoming over time, though they won't necessarily be there at first.

8. Why is the protagonist an Arctic Fox now?

A. I get this one a lot, so I'll copy/paste my most recent answer to this question: I've been pretty apprehensive about the species change (and writing out humans in general) because I knew it would be hands down the most controversial aspect of the game. So far it's been very polarized, which I expected, but I've also seen plenty of people come around to the idea as the days progress.

I wanted to remove humans from the setting because it does two things for me: It makes worldbuilding easier with not having to explain why a vastly inferior species (humans, as written in the OG) are able to coexist with superpowered beastmen (allowing me to better justify reasons why these characters would love Hiroyuki in the first place), and the concept of "if everyone is furry, nobody is", which is to say that it's up to the reader to interpret everyone the way they wish. If you want to see the characters as abstracted humans, then you're more than able to. If you want to see them as humanoid representations of their species, you're more than welcome to as well.

In short, I made the decision to remove humans from the setting because I believe it gives me more room to write interesting characters and scenarios. It provides a different perspective on things that the original game didn't have, and I believe that's reason enough to justify the change. Keep in mind, Homecoming is a "remake" and not everything is going to be (or even intends to be) exactly the way it was in the source material.

== Additional response from Frostclaw: One of the biggest things people tend to ask is "Why an arctic fox?" and though Dzahn answered the reason we made him a kemono, it wasn't exactly stated why we made him an arctic fox in particular. The truth is, we were looking for a species that wasn't represented as much in Morenatsu. Ultimately, fox was chosen, which seemed to go well, as foxes generally tend to be cute, albeit rather silly. Given that it went with Hiroyuki's personality, it just seemed to fit. However, the suggestion to make him an arctic fox was mine, for a few reasons:

1. The yuki portion of his name. Yuki, as some people may or may not be aware, is Japanese for snow. 2. Arctic foxes are an uncommon sight in Japan (though you can see a few at Zao Fox Village). They aren't native to the region. 3. Hiroyuki is extremely sensitive to the heat. Since arctic foxes have a thicker coat of fur, it fits well to make Hiroyuki an arctic fox.

As it stands, Hiroyuki is a set species, and there are no plans to allow for a species change (as that would require intensive programming and rewrites of story elements). Additionally, his kitsune heritage also will be playing an important part to the story. I can't say much about it now, but please look forward to it sometime in the future.

+++++ Release 1 Features +++++

+ Game recoded from scratch, featuring updated art along with an increased resolution

+ Tons of new and remixed writing, including three "events" that were never seen in Revisited

+ New UI

+ Most of Act 1, will take you to the end of August 6th

+ A complete soundtrack with functioning Music Room

+ New options to tailor the experience to your needs, such as enhanced adult content controls

+++++ Downloads +++++

https://stormsingerstudios.itch.io/homecoming-morenatsu-revisited

+++++ Cool Links +++++

Homecoming ~Morenatsu Revisited~ Discord Server: https://discord.gg/WTjM3S5

Homecoming Soundtrack Playlist (assorted):

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLjQbwdUtaxNekKAPzMx3Aw/videos

Deckerlink's preview stream:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk16fWOi0mA

+++++ Our Pages +++++ DzahnDragon (Project Director, Lead Writer, Coder): https://www.furaffinity.net/user/dzahndragon/ https://dzahndragon.tumblr.com/ https://twitter.com/DzahnDragon https://www.twitch.tv/dzahndragon https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHwk40OW_bVzPqP6GBTU1qQ Devilizer (Art Director and Assistant Writer): https://www.furaffinity.net/user/devilizer/ Lesli-Chu!? (Composer and Assistant Writer): https://www.furaffinity.net/user/leslichu/ https://soundcloud.com/user-141917326 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLjQbwdUtaxNekKAPzMx3Aw Frostclaw (~Revisited~ Manager and Assistant Writer): https://www.furaffinity.net/user/grompyryokin/ https://www.the-gcn.com/ HypoNova (Assistant Artist)

#morenatsu #homecoming_morenatsu #stormsinger_studios #dzahndragon #morenatsu_revisited

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mittensmorgul · 6 years

Note

Hey mittens! I have a new friend on tumblr who is struggling. She wants to be a writer but her fics aren't being seen. She's frustrated. She wants to give up. I've given her the best advice I can give. I'm a small blog but I keep writing all the time. Trying to give her advice, but not sure what else I can do. She's in her mid twenties, lives at home, doesn't have a job or a car but desperately wants to. She's stuck and needs help. What else can I do and what advice would you give? Thank you!

Heck, I have no idea. D:

Write good? >.>

(haaaaa three hours after I started typing this, with the intent of replying privately, I’ve officially invested too much time in it not to post it… under a cut for length, and because I have officially run out of mental energy and real-world time for dealing with it for today…)

I mean, I see advice all the time on how to get seen/noticed around here, and half the advice conflicts with the other half. It’s hard to even guess what worked for anyone sometimes.

There’s networks she could join (I have no idea how networks work, and I’ve been here nine years, so someone who actually uses networks would probably be better to ask about how to do that, but I do know that the point of them is for a group of people to see/reblog member works, so that might help her get noticed).

There’s also things like Profound Bond and Writers of Destiel. These are discord groups, but they both have a tumblr presence (especially @profoundnet which she could look into.) They run challenges, have a really vibrant community over on discord with hundreds of members, and regularly reblog member works on tumblr.

Plus, making friends, working with beta readers or other writing partners will help find new friends and followers who will help spread her works, too. Volunteering to beta read when a “bigger” writer puts out a call can also help– not only in building friendships with other authors but also gaining experience with writing as well as editing.

Interacting with other authors on tumblr, reblogging their work and commenting– even if it’s just “OH GOSH I LOVE THIS” kind of stuff– ESPECIALLY with other “smaller writers” and thereby spreading the word around about each other’s writing will help grow up a community around all of you.

None of us started out popular, you know? And “popularity” is definitely a relevant term. When I started writing fic, I lucked into a situation that I attempted to recreate with the Christmas collaboration thingy I ran, but ouch that proved to be way more work than I really had the time or energy for. I’d be happy to help others run that type of collab and offer advice, but heck if I’ll ever do one myself again. :P

A lot of fic challenges are a good way for new writers to get noticed, too. There’s a TON of challenges out there. Now, something like the DCBB or one of the other larger and more established challenges might not be the easiest place for a newbie writer to cut their teeth. There is A LOT that goes into challenges that newbies are just not prepared for (rules, deadlines, etc., because knowing how to write, edit, and post on a concrete deadline where others are relying on you to know what you’re doing without needing an undue amount of help from the mods isn’t something you want to learn on the fly in a high-pressure situation like that… there’s an assumption when signing up for something like the DCBB or the Pinefest that in doing so, a writer is CERTAIN that their skills– including TIME MANAGEMENT and the ability to collaborate with an artist and follow all the rules (YES, ALL OF THE RULES) and meet every deadline– are up to the task.

So, that said, I’d highly recommend some of the other smaller, more laid-back fandom challenges. There’s new ones popping up all the time, and a lot of them are geared toward specific types of fic (canon fic, certain tropes, etc.), so there’s a built-in audience for their work. Not to mention that in smaller challenges there’s actually more room for exposure, and not having your work drowned in a flood of hundreds of other long works, potentially many of them by already established authors, coming out in the same time period. Readers are literally spoiled for choice in those situations, and an “untested” author posting a 20k+ fic might fall by the wayside while “guaranteed thing” authors works get more attention, you know? Readers have a limited amount of time they can commit to reading, and with SO many choices available, are actually more likely go for the “tried and true” author they’re already familiar with before investing in an unknown author. Profound Bond is just starting the @casdeanflipfest, for example, with a smaller wordcount minimum, and therefore a more reasonable length work for readers to take a risk on an author they’re not familiar with. I might not have time, as a reader, to invest in every 60k fic that crosses my dash, but I will drop everything to read a 5k fic for half an hour, you know?

There’s also event-specific tags that offer opportunities to be seen by a wider audience. For example, for the last few days, the DCBB folks have been encouraging folks to tag Valentine’s Day themed works #dcvday. This is a very laid-back and casual way to put your works out to an audience who’s looking for exactly that type of thing, you know? Other situation-specific tags like this happen frequently (like Dean’s birthday fic, or the Destiel Anniversary fic, or holiday fic, for example).

There’s also fic collections. For example, right now the @destieltropecollection is collecting fics for this year’s lists: http://destieltropecollection.tumblr.com/post/182800717844/destieltropecollection-destiel-trope-collection. If you have fic that fits into any of these tropes, fill out the form and submit them to be added to the masterpost. They’ll be posted in May, a different trope’s list each day. People looking for that specific trope will have a handy list, and you can reach a whole new audience that way. :)

Take writing prompts, if that’s something you’re comfortable doing. People with cute lil fic ideas will LOVE you for fleshing out their ideas and turning them into something beautiful. Or GIVE writing prompts to other authors who accept them. You never know what sort of creative collaboration that might spark. If you have a fic idea based on someone’s post, by all means TALK TO THAT PERSON! Express your excitement about their idea, ask if it’s okay to turn their little headcanon or writing prompt into a longer fic, and I can almost guarantee that the original poster will be THRILLED.

Take fan art as writing prompts, as well! As much as authors Die Of Squee if an artist is inspired to draw something from one of our fics, ARTISTS ARE EQUALLY FILLED WITH SQUEE if you’re inspired to write fic based on their art. Just, if you do this, please please PLEASE actually communicate privately with the author or artist in question before you do anything with it. Make it clear you’re writing out of love for their thing, and not in a selfish grab for attention, you know? Otherwise it feels a little too much like stealing. It’s a fine line, but it’s all a matter of perception to everyone involved. That communication and collaboration is key.

That said, I think 99% of it all is pure luck. But because of that first challenge I did, the next fic I posted was (miraculously!) reviewed by destielfanfic, which I don’t think is the sort of exposure most authors get on their first long fic… This was also early 2015, when there was a sort of Boom Market for fic, and I don’t even think the atmosphere for fandom is still exactly the same, you know? It feels a lot more decentralized, and a lot of the “big writers” from back then have left the fandom entirely, or else don’t write much at all anymore.

But fandom is a cyclical thing like that. People come and go, popularity rises and falls. I think my best advice is to develop friendships with people who are in that same general region of that arc as you are, you know? Build a community, support each other.

I see bitter posts all the time about how “popular” people don’t want to support newcomers, and “elite cliques” of folks are conspiring to hold on to their popularity by keeping others down, and that’s just bullshit. The little group of people I generally hang in tumblr circles with have been my friends for years, at this point. Most of us are kinda stunned that we’re all still around, you know? We all showed up around the same time, and went through these sorts of struggles together. We’re still here, and most of us recognize that we’re only considered “popular” at all by attrition. We survived while other folks rage-quit the show or the fandom. I know that’s not a particularly encouraging-sounding bit of advice, but that’s literally how the vast majority of us got recognized. We just… didn’t quit.

I was blogging on this dumb site for four years before anyone really started to notice me. (and I still know that the perception of my personal popularity FAR outweighs my actual popularity, you know? I’m not one of the elite 1% of writers around here, and I know it, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I don’t post long fic serially, and that shows in my total hit counts on AO3. Serial posting artificially inflates hit counts, and keeps works at the top of the results page week after week, and I’d personally just rather post a complete fic to stand on its own. But that’s a dilemma for another post.) Then again, I started out mostly reading meta and squealing about the show, occasionally commenting, asking questions, or adding my thoughts to posts. I learned the lay of the land, so to speak (who was receptive to these sorts of additions and conversations starting on their posts and who wasn’t, and the social conventions surrounding it all), while lurking and not even really trying to get noticed. I made friends with people before I ever started writing fic.

(but I also have a background in original fiction writing, so I already knew quite a lot about author culture in general, and had a lot of experience writing myself before I started to write fic, which likely helped me personally quite a bit. I was able to jump into writing chat groups and had a bit of writing cred even before I published a single fic, because I’d been writing original novels and had already cultivated a group of “Professional Author Friends,” participated in writing critique groups (which comprise Alpha and Beta Reading in fanfic writing circles), and therefore knew how those social circles functioned, you know? I mean, some of the authors from my “Professional Author Friends” circle, who I’ve been friendly with for more than a decade now, have gone on to Big Things in Publishing. And clearly I never did… aah health crises that knocked me off that train. But I realized I’m happier writing fic, without all the pressures that come from professional publishing, so I still consider it a personal win. But I was able to take a lot of that knowledge and experience with networking and building communities with me and transfer it to fandom, so I know my experience is not everyone’s experience.)

I think the main key thing is to create that sort of community. A lot of new writers go directly to the perceived “most popular” authors in fandom, as if they somehow held the key to understanding how to become more popular, or expecting the “popular” bloggers to “pay it forward” and give them a hand up (whether it be through asking questions or reblogging their fic posts, beta reading for them or whatever it may be). But even there, there’s a limit to pretty much everyone’s time, in a real-life sort of fashion. The more popular or widespread an author’s works become, the more up and coming writers will also see their work, and I get how people want to hitch themselves to that, you know?

Not to mention, most of us are entirely baffled by being thought of as popular writers. And again, I’m still sort of on the fringe of that kind of Big Fandom Popularity myself, and still kinda baffled as to how I got here.

But we’re all just people, with limited amounts of time to engage with other people, and a limited number of spoons in our respective drawers for social engagement. I do TRY to do what I can, but between beta reading for my already-established writing buddies (which I still only have limited time for, I AM SO SORRY ELMIE I SEE THE THINGS AND WANT TO READ THE THINGS BUT I CAAAAAAAN’T AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT OKAY?!), and still want to engage with current canon and write and read meta about it, and still want to actually write my own fic, not to mention helping to run the Pinefest (even though Cass does the bulk of the behind the scenes work, I take on a lot of the day to day general upkeep of it all) and still have to engage with reality and my human family that I live with and like… pay my bills and cook dinner and all that boring shit, not to mention coping with those chronic illnesses that knocked me off the Professional Paid Writer train in the first place… it’s not easy to balance out, you know?

It’s not so much a function of “I got mine, so screw you.” I just needed to make that clear, since I’ve seen that sentiment bandied about recently (again), and it’s just insulting. I think the main takeaway here is that Fandom is a Baffling Ordeal, and the key to winning in any way is to build up a community around yourself. If you want to achieve success as a writer, push yourself to write better. Find people you trust to beta read for you. And maybe most importantly, never “promote” your own work with negativity.

I see way too many writers who add notes to their work like, “ugh this is probably terrible.” Just… never do that. Have confidence in yourself, love your own writing, or at least present it with enthusiasm, if you ever expect anyone else to take that risk and read your words, you know?

So really? It boils down to perseverance, networking, and putting in the work to become the best writer you can, with no small portion of sheer luck. There’s no secret magical formula to success, aside from building a community that makes you happy. I’ve discovered that people are really attracted to happiness and positive energy, you know?

Heck I’m worn out just from spending five hours on this post now, in between Real Life Adulting I needed to take care of for an hour. I hope it all makes sense, but I’m gonna go surf my dash for a while and hopefully recover enough brain power to do the rest of the stuff I need to today D:

#fandom problems #this isn't a problem per se but i don't really have a better tag for it... maybe something like #fandom 101 #we're all just random people doing the best we can here and trying to make the most of our own experiences #emptywithout

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bensaunderschp-blog · 5 years

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Ben Saunders Creative Honours Project Critical Diary

For our creative honours project this year, we were tasked with

I very quickly came to a decision on the form my project would take, that being a concept album based around F. Scott Fitzgerald’s great American novel The Great Gatsby. My band had already started work on a composition inspired by the work entitled Buchanan Street, and when presented with the opportunity to do an ambitious creative project I thought it would be an excellent idea to build upon that to create an entire concept album. This also tied into my dissertation subject of what makes a concept album successful. I chose The Great Gatsby because it is such a rich text full of strong themes and fleshed out characters. Gatsby is about optimism, hope, the American dream, a man who builds an empire and amasses huge wealth in pursuit of his goal, before it is all cut down and destroyed by the reality of life and the underlying theme that nobody is really pure and true, we all have our dark sides, and even Gatsby, the apparent protagonist, is selfish in pursuit of happiness on his own terms, and blind to how his joy would affect others. This provides seemingly endless inspiration for music and lyrics as one can both draw on one’s own experiences regarding unrequited love, loss, disappointed and disillusionment, while also looking at things from the perspective of the characters and events depicted within the book, the two views hopefully working to support one another.

Taking shape

Shortly after deciding what I wanted to do for my creative honours project, I went to the pub with my long-time collaborator, lyric writer and vocalist Mark Shankland in order to outline a general game plan for how we were going to accomplish our task, as well as running the idea by him to make sure he was up for it. He was, and quickly we decided not to attempt to re-tell the book necessarily, but to use it as a springboard for our own ideas and use its structure as a guideline. As the project developed over the coming months, the album actually became much more of an adaptation of the book than we had originally intended, because we found such inspiration from various events and quotes from the story, and our album follows the general curve of the narrative quite closely. Our goal of making sure that the album was enjoyable on its own terms, not requiring pre-knowledge of The Great Gatsby in order to be enjoyed and understood, was however stuck to, as I think the themes in the book and in our music are general enough to be appreciated outwith the context of the novel itself. We tried to keep things general and avoid just quoting large swathes of Fitzgerald’s writing, never referring to anybody by name or giving exact play-by-play retellings of sections of the story. Again, as the project progressed we ended up quoting or paraphrasing directly from the novel more and more, partly because we thought some lines from the book were just stunning, partly because they said what we wanted to say, partly because it seemed the easiest and most logical thing to do. But most of all, we knew that we could stick to our idea of generality and enjoyment sans understanding of the novel, while also having things be more effective and offer deeper appreciation for people who are familiar with the text. To this end, phrases like “young and vulnerable” and “the green light” absolutely had to be included as these are staples of The Great Gatsby, and towards the end of the final track we actually included a line of dialogue from the most recent film adaptation of the story, but again it is kept general enough here that if you don’t know what movie the dialogue is from, it still makes sense and still hits the emotional chord it is going for, you just might appreciate it that little bit more if you have read the book or seen the film.

We knew early on that we wanted five to seven tracks for our album, aiming higher rather than lower, because a mere four tracks would be too short to really be called a concept “album”, and we knew that we really wanted to create something special and to a high standard. We also, however, didn’t want to give ourselves an impossible amount of work to do, and so decided six or seven tracks would be ideal, giving us enough time to work on them and hone them to be as good as they could be, rather than having to rush out ten lower quality compositions. In the end we capped ourselves at six songs as our writing deadline began to approach and we felt our time would be better spent developing what we had rather than trying to come up with something completely new. I would have liked to have done one more upbeat song both to pace the album better and to cover the narrative gap wherein Gatsby et al meet up and have their confrontation following the outing of he and Daisy’s affair, however time did not permit this, and perhaps this gap will be unperceivable by the audience.

Scheduling

We originally gave ourselves the five months from October to February to write, arrange and demo our work, planning to use the final two months of March and April to record, with everything being finished in plenty time before the hand-in on the 3rd of May. However, numerous roadblocks would get in our way and much stress would be laid upon us as our original timeline became harder and harder to stick to, and eventually fell out the window entirely. We were pretty slow to start, having various half-baked ideas here and there, but we didn’t really kick into gear until the new year, thinking we had plenty of time for our ideas to gestate and develop naturally. This was a mistake for which the blame rests entirely on us, but even our idea to really buckle down and get a move on following the Christmas break was not one that would go smoothly, to the degree that I was considering abandoning the collaborative aspect of the project altogether and continuing on myself, creating something that would be of a lower quality but would at least be actually finished in time for the hand-in. Setback after setback caused me to really think about whether or not this collaboration was going to work out, or if I should end it. I decided, though, that in the end our collaborative project would be a thousand times better than anything I could come up with myself, and the terrible stress of an unreliable collaborator was worth it for the end result. We originally planned to meet once a week, going home after each week to listen back to and ponder on what we had done each day. However, Mark fell ill on several occasions, something which could not be avoided unfortunately, so a number of dates fell by the wayside. Then, Mark had to miss two weeks because his uncle died and he had to deal with funeral arrangements and the like as well as his own personal grief, again completely unavoidable. Following this, his family whisked him away on a two-week holiday, and it was at this point I was starting to have serious doubts, and hammered home to Mark just how little time we had to get things done, and just how important this deadline was for me. He agreed to put in extra effort and try to go the extra mile to see our project come to fruition. However, a couple weeks into our accelerated work rate, tragedy struck again as his gran was diagnosed with dementia, and he had to take on a number of duties in order to care for her, missing one week because he was the only persona available to visit her, another because he had to help put the carpet in for her new closer-to-home living space, another because he had to help paint the walls, and another which culminated in a whopping two months of writing we simply could not do on the project. To make up for lost time we began meeting up two or three times every week, alternating three-hour sessions in Glasgow’s Carlton Studios where we would focus on vocal melodies, arrangement and structure, and much longer, up to five-hour sessions in my house where we would focus mainly on analysis and discussion of The Great Gatsby and the writing of lyrics. This immense crunch and the fear of the deadline actually led to us being extremely creative extremely quickly, and perhaps led to us actually generating higher quality work, although this would be very difficult to quantify. We did, however, complete all of the writing in record time, and to a degree we were largely satisfied with. There are a couple of lines here and there which I think could be better, and I would like to add a lot more overdubs and moments of interest and slightly different arrangements to a number of songs, but overall I think we have written something truly special here, and I am immensely proud of our work.

Recording

However, our original plan to finish all of the writing before recruiting a drummer and a bassist as well as a recording engineer and studio time etc in order to record our work to a high standard well in time for the deadline was completely scuppered by this horrific inability to stick to our writing deadline. As a result, we decided to completely eschew the idea of recording in a studio or even getting a live drummer, as recording has to be booked well in advance and takes a very long time, and we simply could not expect a drummer to become familiar enough with all of our material with its changing time signatures and tempos all over the place in the time allotted, to be able to perform it reliably to any degree of consistency or quality. Because of this, I began to look into re-amping guitars and finding higher quality drum VSTs, to enable myself to record, mix and master the album on my own. I had plenty of experience in recording demos and a couple of tracks myself, so was confident that if I found the right re-amping service and drum sample library I could craft a decent sounding, if not completely professional or totally polished sounding album myself. Of course, professionally recording everything would have been better, but I think I have managed to do a pretty serviceable job which is certainly of a high enough quality for the purposes of my hand-in, although we are absolutely intent on re-recording everything with proper musicians and real instruments, professionally, before officially releasing our work. We will also go back and potentially re-draft some of our lyrics, make the arrangements slightly more interesting, and maybe even write that final seventh song before entering the studio for real.

Expo

About a month before the deadline, we were required to do a short little presentation of our plans and what we had so far at an expo. At this point I only had some mostly-MIDI demos I had made in Logic, so I presented those alongside a short write-up of the project’s scope. I played some of these to my lecturers and we discussed my progress and goals. They remarked that they liked the ambition of my project and thought the music was sounding appropriately complex and just about there, but expressed concern at the fact that I had not started the recording process yet, and urged me to get a move one - something I with which I wholeheartedly concurred.

Evaluation

In conclusion, I think that me and my collaborator have produced a quite successful work, one that largely sticks to our goal of being inspired by The Great Gatsby, but not reliant on the listener’s familiarity with the source material in order to be appreciated as an album in itself. We lifted a little more directly from the book in terms of quotations and narrative structure than perhaps we originally intended, but we think this not only improves the work’s quality and cohesiveness from the perspective of a Gatsby fan, but also does not hinder the enjoyment of anybody unfamiliar with the work. Our album tackles the themes of hope, optimism, adventure, a new world, the American dream etc, before taking a slightly biographical stance on Gatsby and Daisy’s thoughts and feelings during certain relevant stages of their relationship, and finally deals the with darkness, foreboding, loneliness, and the shattering of the dream that permeates the story. We talk about how real life gets in the way of our fantasies, how everything falls apart in the end, how human nature is ultimately selfish, and how at the end of it all we feel lost, nowhere to go. Daisy and Gatsby’s yearning for each other and Daisy’s inability to leave her life behind and join him are addressed in Sins of the Father, as Gatsby’s meteoric rise to empty wealth is depicted in Destination, while Nick Carraway’s forward-looking boat journey is what inspires Land of the Free. Behind Dark Glasses touches on the thoughts and feelings of Daisy and Gatsby, or really any two lovers, realising that their relationship is not the bed of roses they expected it to be, with the woman being stand-offish and distant and the man wondering why. Wake Me Up uses the narrative moment of the death of Gatsby to talk more generally about the death of hope, the ultimate hollowness of everything and the erosion of the “American dream”. Buchanan Street acts as an epilogue to everything much in the way that Green Day’s Whatsername tops off their American Idiot album, reflecting on the events and core themes we just went over and looking forward to the next chapter in the story of our lives. In terms of adapting the themes, characters and ideas of The Great Gatsby, I think we did a wonderful job, with perhaps a few lines being a little clunky (any direct references to a “story” or “book”) and perhaps one more track being needed to really address every aspect of the story and round it off. In terms of being an enjoyable product in and of itself, I think we have also succeeded here as many of the themes addressed are universal, and the situations are depicted in ways that knowing what happens in the book isn’t required to understand what is happening in the song. The pacing of the album could be slightly better with one more upbeat track inserted between before or after Behind Dark Glasses, and of course the recording/mixing quality could be better, if we had had time to work with a professional recording engineer. We should have started work much earlier than we did and at a much faster pace initially in order to protect ourselves against inevitable setbacks such as the ones we experienced, although the ones we experienced were of a much larger number and much more inconvenient than we could have realistically planned for, I would say. Still, we have definitely learned to schedule things much better and work at a faster pace further ahead of any deadline we have, and now that we are in the swing of things creatively we hope to continue on, using what we have learned over the course of this project to continue being as creatively successful in the future.

#music

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runaway-train-works · 6 years

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ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION 2018

I wasn’t officially tagged by anyone but I decided to do it anyways because I’m starting the year right with #selflove2019.

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2018

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 7 (but 4 belong to the same AU so 4 separate stories I guess?)

2. Word count posted for the year: 144,725

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

I Won't Give Up So Come And Get Me

I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This (Ad Au)

You Sent This Hurricane Now It Won’t Go Away (Ad Au)

I Put My Dreams Into You They’ll Grow (Ad Au)

Baby I Need You In A Serious Way (Ad Au)

And Touch Me Like You Never

Better Not Pout, I’m Telling You Why

4. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

5. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson,

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: I Won’t Give Up So Come And Get Me (581)

Bookmarks: I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This (291)

Comments: Better Not Pout, I’m Telling You Why (45 threads)

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Definitely I Won’t Give Up So Come And Get Me. It’s my first ever fic, and my first attempt at writing anything really (I studied maths in uni and I’ve worked as a manager in hospitality for years, writing is not my thing) so I can’t tell you how scared I was posting it, I was pushing myself way out of my comfort zone by trying something new to me. I must have refreshed the stats/hits screen a billion times but then I got my first kudos and my first comment and I was like, ‘if that's all I get, then I can sleep tonight,’ because at least one person thought it was alright.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

My Santa fic. I was rushing to meet the holiday fic fest deadline and I reckon if I had had another week with it, it could have been better, more polished and the writing slicker, I was just so focused on getting the plot down, some of it is a bit scrappy.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ohhhh I really don't know. I guess I like the banter from the Ad Au fics, and the lead up to H & L having sex for the first time is probably my favourite, because I don’t think you see scenes like that a lot in smutty fics and I thought it was funny (maybe just me?).

And don’t ask me why, but I really like the line from And Touch Me Like You Never, ‘Harry wants to tell him that there isn’t for him, that there is only one fish and that’s Louis and that he would swim a fucking ocean for him if Louis asked him to. I think to me it just represents their whole relationship in the fic.

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Any comments make me happy, but the readers that give you their reasons for liking a fic are the best. My absolute favourite reader/commenter is QuelquesEtoiles (not sure on their Tumblr? I’m shit at knowing who people are if their names aren't the same on both) because their comments are hilarious and I actually go and re-read them when I’m feeling shit because they make me smile that much, especially the play-by-play on ATMLYN.

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve mentioned this before, but I started a fic based on a lumberjack prompt and then the really good lumberjack one came out and it had very similar themes to what I was attempting to write so I just gave up, that was shitty for me but I'm over it now. Also struggled with the Santa fic because my default setting is to make Louis a sassy little shit that’s only nice to Harry so that was difficult for me haha.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Niall in ATMLYN. It wasn't a conscious decision at first to make him Harry’s sounding board, but I think it ended up pacing the story well and would have been too messy to include the other boys.

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't grow. I was a brand new baby, and I’m going into 2019 as a toddler; I can say a few things and run around like I think I know what I’m doing but I’m still bound to run into stuff and cry a few times while I’m at it.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

I have an idea for a pretty big ABO high school fic which will be kinda slow burn and I might post as a WIP on ao3. Slow burn will be a challenge for me because I want H & L to get together from like the second paragraph most of the time and a WIP will be too, as it will take a lot more planning out and developing the story as people are reading and giving feedback which I think will be an interesting process for me.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I don't really know that many people in the fandom but everyone that has contacted me has been super lovely. Ana (@finck-you-freeky) has been absolutely amazing. We have similar tastes in fics that we read/like and I get her to read all my fics before I post them now because her opinion and notes are invaluable to me. She is also is very supportive when I’m having a bad day and hate every word I have written. I love speaking to people about fics though that aren't my own so it’s good to chat to her about other ones we have read or writers we enjoy.

Also, random shout out, but @blouisparadise have been super nice to me since I started writing, they often include me in their monthly recs and their post for IWGUSCAGM was actually how I found Tumblr in the first place because I found it through google (I’m not a huge social media user), so just want to say thank you to them for the support!

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Uh, the inspiration for IWGUSCAGM is very, very loosely based on my flatmate in uni, but her story isn't as charming so I won’t divulge.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Writing for a fandom is a weird thing. You think to yourself about your own works ‘this is so shit, no-one will read this, why am I bothering?’ but at the exact same time you’re like ‘why is no-one reading this? this is brilliant and better than anything anyone else has ever written,’ and I guess I need to try and remember that thats normal for everyone. If you’re writing because you enjoy it, then that will come through in your work and eventually praise will come, even if its not from a lot of people. I’d rather have just one person absolutely love my fic than a hundred people thinks it’s just OK, and I need to remember that when I see fic lists and reblogs that don’t include my name. Having said that, if you had asked me this a week ago I would have said no, I have no wisdom to share, but after several lovely people have included me in their ‘best fics of 2018′ I would say that not worrying about not being ‘shouted about’ is something I’m going to start doing more of (hopefully). I seriously thought no-one knew who I was or cared about anything I wrote because I don't get a lot of acknowledgement on Tumblr, particularly from the big blogs and fic reccers. It made me sad and I just didn’t know what to do about it, but as it turns out, some people were reading my stuff and enjoying it, and you don’t necessarily have to have a hundred reblogs and notifications of your posts for that to happen.

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Along with the ABO one, I’ve got a couple of short fic fest ones that are ready to post (thats not til february), I’m writing a sort of birthday one which I’ll post on H’s actual birthday. Also have an idea for a boxer harry one which is basically just pwp. Have two musical fic fest ones I’m excited about and that are a bit different. Also might try a different pairing, maybe a Ziam or a past Zarry? So yeah, lots to work on. Will see what happens.

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like most people have done this now, but if you haven’t do it!

#2018 review #my fics #writing stuff #fic writing #runaway_train

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monstrouswrites · 6 years

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11/11/11 tag #2

Thank you @gottaenjoythelittlethingzz <3 you are a blessing and I hope your hot drink always stays warm enough to drink!

Rules go like this: 11 answers, 11 questions, 11 writers tagged!

1. Do you prefer to have one story to focus on at a time or do you like to work on multiple pieces at once?

Personally I like to work one at a time with multiple ideas running around in my notes and evernote notebooks. I like thinking about/developing multiple projects, but writing seems to tend towards one at a time!

2. If you could change the title of any of your previous works, what would you change it to and why?

Oh goodness uh, last time I finished anything was when I was ten I think. Maybe 13? But tbh, I usually like my titles bc I spend a long time picking them out. So far my favorite is smoke on the river (death comes quicker) for a fanfic I dropped. I wanna reuse that as a quote or something tbh.

3. About how many words can you type per minute?

Apparently 37 WPM with 94% accuracy, but I know I get faster when immersed.

4. Is there a IRL place in the world that you have yet to write about in a story, but would like to and why? (If not, where in the world do you personally want to visit?)

I really want to one day write something in Chicago. I enjoyed a family vacation there so freakin’ much, I just think it’d be fun. Or, more international, would love to write something set in an Asian metropolis like Tokyo or Seoul, just because I want to learn how to write different kinds of cities.

5. What’s a cool fact about your world? Or about your characters, if there’s no fantasy/sci-fi elements?

For A Cryptic Carol, since that’s my main wip, a cool fact is that paranormal creatures exist, like cryptids. Whether they’re real is a different story.

6. How do you keep yourself accountable for your writing (goals, daily word counts, rewards) if at all?

I’ve tried that but I need to work out a better system. I find it so difficult to write daily, but here’s to hoping I can figure it out in my bullet journal.

7. What was the last book you read? Did it inspire you to write, return to writing after a break, or write something specific when you finished?

Last short story was Symbiosis by Shaelin Bishop, last book was I wanna say The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh in August and before that I was working my way through the Raven Cycle last year about this time. I’m slow to finish books if I finish at all haha. I’m more of a podcast / short story person these days.

8. What’s the last detail you remember adding to any story, character, world you created (list as many as you’d like)?

I remember adding ages to Jackson, Colt, and Robin(yn? haven’t decided) for when they meet. At least, mentally, because I wanted to try and have a baby being taken care of by preteens/kids. Because that’s adorable and hilarious, and provides a nice reason for why the kids warm up to January by proxy of her baby boy.

9. How many notebooks do you currently own and are using? What are they for?

I can’t count since I’m at work (on lunch break) but at least ten sketchbooks, and literally no idea how many notebooks between bullet journals, lined, blank, college rule, etc. Mostly for college classes but a few are for organization & maybe eventual writing.

10. What caused you to take your last break from writing and what brought you back to writing? (If this is too personal, than how long do you consider a “break” for writing?)

I took a major break from the time I was maybe 16 or 17 to this month or so. I had a brief week or two where I wrote fanfic oneshots scattered through 2016, sometimes just a night. I had practically given up on writing for fun, like I had kind of given up on reading for fun.

But I kept listening to podcasts, like The Adventure Zone and more recently, The Penumbra Podcast. The stories really helped me through hard times, but TPP inspired me so much to try writing fanfic again. I had been doing some fiddling with writing for a petsite too earlier this year, maybe more around July. And it kinda snowballed, with TPP pushing the snowball off the cliff I guess!

So if there’s anything I’ve learned, don’t give up and just keep consuming stories anyway. Who knows what sparks you? Same thing happened with me buckling down to learn how to draw because of youtube artists like Dina Norlund, Kasey Golden, and DrawingWiffWaffles!

11. What are your personal writing goals for 2019?

Finish something. Anything. Hopefully that short story for a fantasy contest themed around family by the deadline, but don’t stress out about that.

Tagging some fellow writers for my own 11 questions @quarff @lend-your-lungs-to-me @yuyuwrites @push-the-draft @quiescentwriting @decaffeinated1amwriting @roselinproductions @girlnovels @shaelinwrites @cogwrites @scyllaology

1. What’s the last thing you listened to while writing? Or if you prefer silence/white noise, in general!

2. Does your wip have a theme or message? What is it? Ex. family, happy endings aren’t boring, etc

3. What kind of pet animal would you be? What about your MC? Type of dog, cat, bird, etc

4. Do you like word sprints or timed writing like pomodoro? Why or why not?

5. What are the tools you use for writing? Why those?

6. Forget book cover, what’s an album cover that reminds you of your wip? Doesn’t have to have music that matches!

7. What would your MC do in a holiday movie ie saving Christmas, Hallmark, Hanukkah, whatever!

8. What’s a holiday tradition that your MC enjoys? Hates? Can be any holiday!

9. Would you include illustrations in your wip? Why or why not? Would you ever write something that might have illustrations?

10. What do you prefer: creative/long descriptions or descriptions that are the barest minimum?

11. Do you have a quote you live/write by? Doesn’t have to be exactly about writing!

#tag game #wip writing

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zinefeed · 6 years

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Before You Launch A Zine: Scouting For Competition

Back again with some more zine advice since I've noticed another issue with the community lately, most notably popping up in the BNHA fandom since it's exploding right now: competing zines and extremely tight deadlines. Read more below!

I don't write this to single out BNHA content creators, as this is a potential issue for all fan communities, but it's most visible in this particular fandom right now. There are several new BNHA zines popping up on the daily, and lots of them have themes that are similar or downright the same! What this means is that whichever one pops up first, or gains more traction, is going to get all the attention and the other is going to totally flop. This is bad for both organizers and content creators -- from a participant's perspective, they've poured 2 or so months of work into a beautiful piece that's now not being appreciated. For the organizer, you'll likely have to end up releasing a free PDF zine instead of the fantastic physical copy with cool merch you were planning on, because you don't have the customer base to support it. If, god forbid, you go to print anyway, you'll wind up with an expensive zine that no one is going to buy, and you'll end up in the red if you try to provide contributors with their standard free copy.

What this is going to lead to is eventual content creator burnout and market oversaturation. Artists and writers are participating in way too many zines (I mysalf am in, like, 8 at this moment, which is crazy) and will tire out and not apply for them anymore while they recover. And with so many zines to choose from as a customer, everybody ends up making less money than if these projects were staggered properly.

So the lesson to be taken from this is: check out zine blogs like this one (and others) before you even get serious about a zine. Make sure nobody is already doing a holiday-themed zine or a zine for your favorite ship before you start yours. If one's ongoing and you want in, see. if you can apply or be a co-mod! Otherwise, tuck your idea in your back pocket for now, because it's just not going to be successful if you try to compete with the other one.

A secondary issue that I've seen cropping up lately is tight schedules. Obviously every zine is different and schedules should be made accordingly, but one month is not enough time for any zine. Zines employ a wide variety of creators, and invariably your timeline isn't going to work for someone, because life gets in the way. People have school and jobs and health issues they need to work around to do work for your zine. You'll have far less stress on your hands if you loosen your schedule to a two-month (or slightly longer, even) creation period. Less people will find that time frame unsuitable, so you'll have to grant fewer extensions. And as a bonus, you'll end up with more high-quality work that does your zine justice, because you weren't rushing your creators and pushing them to produce something on a ridiculous schedule. The downside to a longer work period is that you have to keep people interested while they wait for preorders, but there are ways to keep people's eyes on your zine blog while your participants are working. One of my personal favorites is to post "meet the writer/artist/etc." posts periodically, where you put a spotlight on one of your creators and showcase their work and a little about them personally. It gives customers an idea of the varying styles present in your zine, and it's a free promo for your contributors!

The connection between these two problems seems to be, again, newbie zine organizers running headlong into projects without any prior experience or direction from a more knowledgeable co-mod. I don't say any of this to discourage people from doing zines. They're great fun to participate in and to organize, and they're a huge part of online fandom culture. And obviously you don't learn how to do something without trying it out. BUT, they're also huge undertakings and often require a collection of skills lots of people don't just have: time management, interpersonal skills, leadership, decision-making, planning, marketing/advertisement, budgeting, graphic design/formatting, customer service, and more. You as a zine organizer have to wear a ton of hats, and it's really not a one person job, or something you should try to learn by doing on your own. There's a huge amount of trust placed in you, and failures and scams hurt the entire zine community. They're not things to be undertaken lightly! You need a lot of time, energy, and skill to run a really successful zine.

Now I get that nobody likes being told what to do, but it concerns me that a lot of these new zines run by people who have no idea what they're doing are stubbornly going forward and ignoring any and all advice from more experienced zine organizers. If things keep going as they are, content creators and customers are going to get burned! Zines run by newbies tend to be unsuccessful, be poorly managed, or be abandoned altogether, leaving participants adrift. This post is my way of saying, Listen to the advice given you by people who know more than you! They aren't trying to railroad you or take over your project, they want it to be the most successful it can be! And sometimes that means listening to advice you don't want to hear, like 'There's already a zine for this,' or 'You should have co-mods helping you,' or 'The way you're managing this is inadvisable.'

Zines are such great fun and we all want them to succeed. But as a community and within individual fandoms, we have to put forth the effort to help them succeed. Doing your homework and planning well in advance before launching into a zine project is one of the best ways to do that.

-- Mod Lav

#zine help

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Donuts & Demons: Ryka Aoki’s Light from Uncommon Stars

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Shizuka Satomi, a violin teacher known as the Queen of Hell, owes one more soul to demons due to an infernal bargain she struck. Young violinist Katrina Nguyen needs to escape her homelife, where her transness is rejected by her family, and to start anew, hopefully making videos with her music. And Lan Tran and her crew are striving to build a stargate—before the Galactic Empire falls to the Endplauge—while selling donuts at Starrgate Donuts in Los Angeles. Light from Uncommon Stars is the story of how these three women’s lives intersect, and is a novel filled to the brim with music so beautifully described, readers can almost hear it in the narrative.

Katrina opens the novel with her flight and her passion for music; Shizuka comes in quickly after with her soul-contract deadline and her desire to find one last musician to condemn to hell. When readers first encounter Lan and her alien crew, they may wonder how author Ryka Aoki can pull off a story that is at once soul-bargaining-with-demons and refugee-aliens-building-a-stargate. But as the story progresses, the themes and characters dovetail together so beautifully that readers will wonder how they ever doubted.

Aoki explores what it means to be human, the nature of souls, and the importance of hope and love even in the face of what may seem hopeless, filling the novel with both good humor and acknowledgment of suffering. There is pain, and yet a sense that better things are to come. The love and care with which the characters imbue parts of their lives—whether it’s the music they play, the instruments they shape, or the food they create—gains a greater meaning by virtue of that love. The result is an incredibly powerful story of hope and redemption, of small voices shouting into dissonance and being heard. Ahead of the novel’s September 28th release, Den of Geek had the chance to pick Aoki’s brain about how this novel came together, and insights into her inspiration…

Den of Geek: First, what brought together the two very different speculative fiction tropes—soul-bargaining and stargates—together into the same story for you? How did you create a universe in your head where both things worked without contradicting each other?

Ryka Aoki: I respect both science fiction and fantasy, but I had honest intentions and reasons to mix them in Light from Uncommon Stars. I was a little bit worried about how people would accept this—or not. But I’ve been thrilled with how readers have embraced and accepted this book.

I think this book might resonate with readers because we all hold seeming contradictions. In the book, Shizuka Satomi mentions how great pieces of music contain such different-sounding sections and movements. And, as music reflects the soul, doesn’t that say something about us, and our own shifting arrays of motifs and counterpoints?

In my case, being of Japanese descent, and being queer, and being trans, means that I play a lot of different things to a lot of different worlds. Yet working toward true acceptance and love of self can be like composing your own sonata—you’re striving to express and share your entire music. The person who I am with my family lives in a different world than the person who teaches English and Critical Thinking. And that person seems very different from the writer, or the martial artist.

And yet, I don’t feel fragmented. I feel pretty whole.

And so, when I wrote Light from Uncommon Stars, I always had faith that it would work out, somehow—because I worked out, somehow.

(At least I’d like to think so…)

Demon Tremon Philippe and Shizuka’s relationship may bring to mind more of Mephistopheles and Faust than the devil at the crossroads. But there is a long tradition of musicians trading souls for greatness, brought into American folklore via blues musicians, who may have drawn on tales of Papa Legba rather than the European devil-bargaining stories. In the novel, you’ve brought many cultural traditions into play—where did you start from in the soul-selling elements? What did you borrow from earlier tales, and what did you invent whole cloth?

Thank you for asking this question because it lets me talk about another tradition. The early days of Internet message boards were the first time ever that trans people could speak freely yet relatively anonymously with people like them around the world. In fact, one of my dearest friends had such a board and they live in Iceland. We needed each other. We helped each other go through some horrible times… But there were also some goofy and fun times come as well—it was the first time that we realized that we’re all a bunch of science fiction and fantasy geeks. I mean, anywhere we can dream, right?

And I remember at the time being struck by how many trans women had created their own creation myths, to explain how their soul was placed in this other body. Many religions ignore trans people. Yet to know where one came from—and why—is a necessary question for many human beings.

In these stories, and the discussion surrounding them, there was much talk about having the soul of a woman, or the soul of a man if one were a trans man. “Do you have a female soul?” was a very relevant question to those with trans binary identities. (Discussions of nonbinary identities and gender fluidity were happening as well—entire vocabularies were being invented. Those were some exciting times.)

I think that even now many trans women, perhaps when first trying to make sense of who they are, still ask themselves this question.

And so, the cursed Shizuka Satomi, precisely because she is so focused on acquiring souls that she finds bodies irrelevant—offers Katrina the space and place to find her answers.

The descriptions and understanding of music and violins—and violin competitions—in the story are tangible. What is your music background?

I love writing music. I used to play in a band, and when I do my spoken word pieces, I compose all my own soundtracks. My main instrument is the piano, but I also play guitar, and some flute, and harmonica. For the most part, I am self-taught. However, I’ve been taking lessons for the past couple of years with a wonderful piano teacher—the irony is because I’m promoting this book, I’m on a brief hiatus from that.

However, I had no idea how to play the violin. I remember the first time I went into a violin shop. There were violins, but violins of different sizes, and cellos and violas and basses, and I was laughing to myself that I have no idea how to make music with any of this. I couldn’t put a tune together with one of these instruments to save my own life.

I did manage to teach myself some violin. And I really love the instrument. I have an acoustic violin from eBay, and I also have an electric violin now. This Christmas season, I am looking forward to jamming to some holiday music. We may never be ready for a committed relationship, but the violin and I have become good friends.

So, although I didn’t grow up in violin culture, as I researched violin culture, I found many parallels with a culture that I was familiar with—martial arts. Like many communities with overachieving children and parents with unrequited dreams, I found that in violin competitions, it was sometimes difficult to tell which was more important, the violin or the competition. This was so much like what I had seen as an annoying little martial arts kid. And so, those were the experiences upon which I drew.

The posturing, the pressure, the mind games…the nausea in the bathroom…so different, but not so different at all.

In addition to being a writer, you are a teacher. Are any of your own feelings about teaching reflected in Shizuka’s feelings about mentoring?

*giggle* ALL of them…the good, the bad, the obsessive, the self-serving, and the hopeful.

This novel felt, in many ways, like a pandemic novel–in a situation that should be full of hopelessness (the Endplague, a coming soul-deadline), there’s still this tonal quality, even in the early pages, that things will turn out right, even if we have no idea how that will happen. Was any part of the novel written during the pandemic? Do you see it differently now that it’s coming out as we’re still dealing with the coronavirus?

During the first few months of pandemic, most of the novel had already been written, and we were deep in edits. I was pushing so hard to get my story just right that the first part of the lockdown went by unnoticed. Plot hole here, inconsistency there…even without a lockdown, I don’t think I would have gone out, anyway.

These days, I’m feeling the pandemic more, especially because this is when I was to tour, sign books, and meet people in person. And, as I engage with the lockdown more actively, I do notice how the pandemic does seem to echo the themes of the Endplague. Although Covid-19 did not inspire the Endplague, I based the Endplague on how civilizations can often fall, not from outside cataclysms themselves, but from the conflicts and fissures they cause their populace…and a collective loss of hope.

In the book, without going into too many spoilers, Lan and her family come from a very advanced civilization that has conquered many diseases and social ills, but is still battling with divisions, suspicions, and fatalism.

Looking around at world today, the parallels are hard to escape.

Late in the novel, you use Bartók as a way of framing and understanding transness in a beautiful way. Could you talk about the theme of Katrina finding her voice through the violin, and about how music and self-intertwine in the novel?

Provided the instrument is well-maintained, when you play the piano, you’ll automatically play in tune. A violin can be perfectly in tune, but that is far from enough—you need to be in tune with yourself.

Furthermore, when I actually played the violin, I learned that certain notes resonate very well with other strings. In fact, sympathetic resonance is one way that a student can know if she’s in tune. If we listen for the resonances, we can feel the entire violin glow. There’s no better way to say it—it seems like the instrument glows.

This is very important to Katrina’s development, for human voices—and human souls—don’t have keys, or even frets, either. And when you’re playing in tune with yourself and others, you do get this internal glow. I think feeling this is very important to Katrina. It gives her security, weaves her into the songs of others.

But we are not always in harmony, nor should we be. Sometimes, our true songs are dissonant, or expressed in notes between notes. At that point, for all the rest of the world knows, your composition is wrong, or your intonation sucks. So, when your own music is so insistent, yet so at odds with what people expect—what do you do? Well, there goes Bartók.

There is a difference between playing with people in harmony and speaking to them in melody, after all. What does this mean for Katrina?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

I think I’ll just leave it there.

Starrgate Donuts cannot fulfil online orders for their delicious donuts, unfortunately, as it is fictional, and videos of Shizuka Satomi’s performances are still not available to watch, due to interference from demonic forces, but Light from Uncommon Stars is available at bookstores everywhere on September 28, 2021. Find out more here.

The post Donuts & Demons: Ryka Aoki’s Light from Uncommon Stars appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2XOiGKJ

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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dobe-and-teme · 7 years

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sns month

As I have mentioned here, I was working on a sns month that will be hosted from 1st december till 31st december. Each day of the month has their own theme and three different prompts. I even planned one big event, and two smaller ones [→ more information under ›special events‹]

Then, one little information: The last years, bahare re-blogged all the posts that were made for the week on her own blog and tagged them, so y’all could find them easily. I want to do the same, but with a difference. I created a extra sns blog for all the events, like sns weeks, sns days, secret santa sns, sns month - and there we will reblog everything. ›We‹ because I asked friends of mine to help me manage this blog. [You can see here who they are.] The blog is called @snsfestivals.

Also, many of you may already know, but there is a discord group for sns. Discord is basically just a message app, with special and great features, such as voice chats and servers (which are group chats). It’s very safe since you don’t have to give your personal information away and you can control who finds you and not. If you are interested in joining, please drop a message at @dobe-and-teme.

「 RULES 」

You can post any format you want for this month: fanfiction, fanart, videos, gifs, graphics, edits, analysis, headcanon, etc but it’s has to involve sns as a main pairing or Sasuke/Naruto as a main character! Other ships and characters are allowed, but it can not be the focus.

Reposting is not allowed, unless you are the original creator or have been given the permission from the original creator. If you are not the original creator, please make sure to credit the creator and add a link to the original post.

NSFW is allowed! But it must be properly tagged, flagged as sensitive, and/or hidden beneath cuts as necessary. Also please don’t forget to tag it with #nsfw.

Please don’t post things ahead of time! You can certainly work on things before hand, and you can definitely post things late, but don’t post anything for prompts before the prompt day!

Make sure that you tag every post with #snsmonth2017 within the first five tags and the day from which the post belongs to. [like this → #day 7]

Try to stay positive and don’t spread any hate. This should be our month, don’t let some anti ruin it for you. If you see an anti-post, please try to ignore it - it’s not worth it and just ruins the sns month.

「 SPECIAL EVENTS 」

→ the big event is the Secret Santa Event, which will take place on the 25th december. Every person that participates has to prepare a sns related presents for someone I assign them with - in exchange, they will get a present from another person. If you are interested in participating, here are some informations. Everyone who is not interested, can skip this part:

→ If you are interested in participating, you have to write me a private message, no asks! If there is someone you absolutely don’t want to make a present for, write it please in the message! You can also make three wishes for people you want to make a present for. » Warning! It can happen that this person isn’t participating or I have to assign them with someone else. → You will not known which person you have to prepare a present for until the 1st december. You can still of course prepare a present even before you know for who it is, since you will likely not know the person personally. But it can happen that the person is a close friend of yours, so it’s better when you start preparing the present when you know for whom it is. → If you don’t know what you should prepare or you don’t have any ideas, just message me and I will contact the person for you, to ask if they would like anything in particular. → When you post the present, please add a ›Secret Santa for @url‹ → Deadline for Registrations: 30th November

→ one of the smaller events will take place on one week of december. Bahare did it last year, and I would like to continue with it. Last year she streamed all sns related episodes on rabbit, and I really love the idea. The stream will take place on 7am and 7pm (in Germany, UTC+2) and will last till 10am and 10pm, and we will watch the exact same episodes on both times. If you still have questions, come and ask me! → The stream will take place from 11th - 17th december.

→ the other small event is the 31st of december. On the last day of the month, I would like to ask you all to spread positive vibes in the fandom. I want the month to end with something special, something that will make everyone a little more happier. On this day, I want you guys to send lovely asks to your favorite persons! Be it a amazing sns artist, graphic maker, writer, blog or just one of your favorite persons in general. Go and write them something to make them happy. [To the people receiving this asks: It would be nice if you could tag your posts with #snsmonthvibes, so we can find them and reblog them, thank you.]

「 THEMES & PROMPTS 」

For the following, the bold ones are the themes of the day and everything after the arrow are the prompts. You are allowed to combine two or three of the prompts together, but only prompts of the same day! Or you can just ignore all three of them and do your own thing, as long as it fits the theme of the day.

1st december » Naruto Uzumaki → Everything is allowed, as long as Naruto is the main focus.

2nd december » Sasuke Uchiha → Everything is allowed, as long as Sasuke is the main focus.

3rd december » Bonds → Team 7 / Team Taka / Family

4th december » Now And Forever → Proposal and Wedding / (Adoptive) Children / Anniversary

5th december » It Shouldn’t Be → Distance / Unrequited Love / Breaking Up

6th december » The Price Of Freedom → Forest of the Dead / Partners in crime / Slaves

7th december » First Times → First Love / First Kiss / First Fight

8th december » The First Secret → Cheating / Secret Crush / Dark Past

9th december » Acceptance → Confession / Coming Out / Meeting Family

10th december » It’s Not Me You Want → Fake Relationship / Broken-Heart / Hanahaki Syndrome

11st december » Beginnings & Endings → Time-Travel / Origins / Valley of the End

12nd december » Another World → Deja Vu / Reincarnation / Mythologies AU

13rd december » Good Old Days → Ninja Academy / Training Sessions / Rivals

14th december » Outer Space → Moon & Stars / Shooting Star / Galaxies

15th december » The Devil Inside Me → Monster & Demons / Betrayal / Self-doubt

16th december » After The War → Nightmares / Funerals / Orphans

17th december » Day Enemies, Night Lovers → Rome & Juliet / Fighting Kingdoms / Fantasy AU

18th december » Lovers Time → Domestic / Holding Hands / Dancing

19th december » By Your Side → Pining / Trust / Vacation

20th december » War And Peace → Heroes / Burdens / Supporting Shadow

21st december » Destined → Soulmates / Yin & Yang / Sun & Moon

22nd december » Stolen Kisses → Mistletoe / Lazy Morning / Cuddling

23rd december » Christmas Preparations → Baking Cookies / Wrapping Gifts / Placing Decorations

24th december » White Holidays → Building Snowman / Snowed In / Snowball Fight

25th december » Christmas Eve → Christmas Date / Family Traditions / Christmas Spirit → Secret Santa

26th december » Please, Come Back → Mission / Promise / Leaving

27th december » Never Letting Go → Hope / Jealousy / Fear

28th december » Don’t Leave Me Alone → Death / Last Words / Fight

29th december » Medieval → Royalty / Master & Servant / Knights & Warriors

30th december » The Goodbye Look → Amnesia / Nukenin / On the Run

31st december » Free Day → You are allowed to do whatever you want, as long as you follow the rules. → Day to spread positive vibes.

#sns #sasunarusasu #sasunaru #narusasu #snsmonth2017 #masterpost

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emilyplaysotome · 7 years

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Dating Diaries - Chapter 6 - Boomerang

Inspired by real events, Emi enters the dating world after her long term relationship ends. Determined to move forward, she starts dating and quickly finds herself in over her head.

In case you missed it, here are the previous chapters:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

On Wednesday, three days after my awkward encounter with Makoto and my Dear Kazu letter, I received a TalkTime message seemingly out of the blue.

“Hey hey. How’s your week going?”

I must have stared at the message and its sender for a good five minutes before I fully processed that perhaps things were not as “done” with Makoto as I’d thought. I felt confused to say the least considering where we’d left things and the fact he’d gone from texting me everyday to radio silence after his typo ridden message.

Below the texts from Mako were two from Kazumi (who had yet to reply to my email as promised). Seeing as how he hadn’t said anything of substance, I’d stayed strong and left his messages “read” but unanswered.

To be honest, it was difficult not having that person to interact with everyday who acted as a boyfriend proxy of sorts, but I knew it was for the best.

Sitting in that silence as a single person had proven to be difficult. I missed the attention and the accessibility to a friend that being in a relationship provided, but I did my best to start thinking about a night alone as an opportunity to do something fun or get something accomplished that would make me feel better.

The first night I’d cleaned out my closet which was a not-so-sexy task on my to-do list that had been there for months. The second night I’d rented a few girly movies I’d missed in the theaters and got really yummy takeout. The third night I finally finished the novel I was reading on and off for the past month.

I began to notice that as time went on, sitting with silence began to get easier, and even though it hadn’t been that long upon seeing that text I suddenly felt shaken out of my newly “single and free” headspace and thrust back into utter confusion.

Mentally determining that both of these relationships were over had caused me to shift gears and accept my “singleness” in a way that I hadn’t been able to do before. I was not only prepared for nights of total solitude, but more importantly had actually planned a week for myself around it with that as a theme of sorts. I’d planned to play some otome games, reconnect with a few friends, and really give my apartment a good scrub down.

I also realized that until I was really single and free, I wouldn’t be able to properly heal and learn what it meant to be selfish for me.

Makoto’s text hung in limbo for a bit, until I determined that I wasn’t ready to fully close the door on him (or at least wanted closure if he was going to send a “breakup” text). I waited until I was finished with work, and sitting on the subway with nothing better to do on my commute home I drafted a few responses until I finally replied with, “Hey - it’s good. Busy! How have you been?”

I sat there, the signal on my phone going in and out as the train hurtled between stations, holding my breath as I waited for what I assumed would be an obligatory, “Sorry I’ve been out of touch...after doing some thinking I don’t think we’re right together” type of follow up.

Fifteen minutes later, three stations away from my stop, the phone chimed.

Same :) when do i get to see you again?

I was so stunned, that despite being in public my inner phono-semantic monologue of “Uooh-eh?” tumbled from lips louder than I would have liked on such a crowded train. The woman sitting next to me glanced over at my phone, then me, and shot me a knowing and sympathetic look which indicated she’d experienced hew own fair share of confusion at the hands of the men she was dating.

Taking the lessons I’d learned during my three days of being completely “single” I did not want to prioritize Makoto above myself, or plans I’d already made with friends. My singlesness had inspired me to schedule things up until Sunday night, so I figured I’d offer up that free block time and see what happened.

Hmmm...maybe Sunday? This week is kind of jam packed with friends and work.

My friend Ayoto is having a small holiday party that night. You could come if you’d like? Or if you’re free Friday, someone I know is having a show at a gallery of his photos and it should be casual and fun. I thought we could swing by.

What time Friday? I’m supposed to meet my friend for dinner and to be honest I’d feel a little weird crashing your friend’s intimate holiday party.

It’s 7 - 11 on Friday.

Yuri and I had made plans to meet around 6:30 for dinner that day.

I figured that usually took 2 hours at most, which meant I could head over after and meet Makoto. Not wanting to be rude, I sent Yuri a text and asked her if that could work and if she might want to join me at the gallery, seeing as how it seemed like an open event.

If I was going to meet some acquaintances of Mako’s who would no doubt size me up, I figured I might as well see if she’d be interested in scoping him out for me.

Naturally Yuri agreed, and as my train pulled into my station I toggled back to reply to Makoto.

That can work so long as we meet around 8:30 when Yuri and I are done with dinner.

Cool...Yuri. You’re not planning to bring a handsome Russian man to this are you?

LOL no, Yuri is a pretty Japanese lady but I can see if she wants to join me. Is that ok?

Haha. Yeah. I’m just glad you’re not having dinner with another guy before our date.

My eyebrow twitched with irritation as I entered my apartment.

There it was again.

The insecurity and jealousy from Makoto that had caused him to be weird in the first place. I took a screen shot of the message and sent it to Yuri, letting her know that I wanted her to join me because I needed her assessment of him ASAP.

And with my Friday plans in place, I put my phone away and enjoyed another night of being fully single.

I continued to ignore Kazumi until Thursday evening when he sent me the saddest text I’ve ever gotten from a grown man.

I was in the middle of painting my nails and watching Terrace House when his message came in.

Sunshine...I feel awful that you’re avoiding me...and that you’ve stopped liking me :(

I knew Kazumi well enough to know that he was genuinely affected by my silence. I also knew him well enough to know that he was dodging everything I’d brought up in my email.

It’s a funny thing how men are sometimes selective about when they’re “good” at communication. In the past, I’ve wanted more from Kazu but accepted what he was capable of.

Yet, now that I held some power he was suddenly around and ready to engage with me in a way he’d previously claimed to be incapable. This fact was not lost on me, though it annoyed me greatly. With that said, I still liked him but I had to wonder if I was beginning to like him a little less these days.

I haven’t stopped liking you. But I gave you my thoughts in an email and you haven’t said anything I can respond to.

I know...I’ve read your email so many times but I just don’t know how to reply to something so beautiful and sad.

Sunshine...please don’t stop liking me.

Kazu...I like you so much but I don’t want to compromise my heart or allow myself to be hurt. I had to be honest with where I’m at. You don’t have to reply. As time goes on, I just know this is going to be harder and so I’d prefer to say goodbye now and have these nice memories.

Sunshine, no - that’s too sad. Please. I like you so much and this whole week I’ve felt awful, deep in my heart. I feel sick at the thought of losing you.

It makes me happy that my feelings are not one-sided, but I just...I struggle with you because I really think I need to be on my own but at the same time I want to be with you.

And I start to get attached and feel weird and jealous and I don’t like that. It’s hard to focus. I just think it would be easier to walk away now.

Emi...logically you’re right but why not just give this some time? Can’t we just keep talking, seeing each other, and see how we feel?

I have not felt this way about anyone since the girl I told you about. The one that really broke my heart. I haven’t felt this kind of “like” in many, many, many years. I will do whatever I can to make you understand that.

You say that you are not ready for a relationship and to be honest, I am not ready for one either. I am willing to think about what you said and potentially start one with you but I don’t think that’s what you want?

No. It’s not. I’m not ready.

So what do you want?

I don’t know.

When you do know, tell me and we can figure it out. But please, don’t run away.

You are very special and lovely and I like being with you. Losing you these past few days was incredibly painful which was a sign for me. You fill something in me, and I want to have you in my life as long as you’ll have me.

Thanks for this Kazu. I have to go though. I’ll think about what you said, and what I want.

Ok Sunshine. I’ve gotta try and meet Kotoko’s deadline for some pages. She’s been killin’ me lately - between the tour and the new book schedule I’ve been so stressed. You running away was almost the final nail in my coffin!

Haha you’re so dramatic. Good luck with your work. I’ll always root for you no matter what happens with us.

I wish I could kiss you.

hahaha Kazu why are you always shirtless when you send me selfies???

Because I always work in my underwear.

You’re such a weirdo lol good luck with your writing

Send me a picture when you can. I miss your beautiful face. I miss you.

I couldn’t help but smile.

Kazumi knew exactly the right combination of weird, sweet, charming, and fun that could make my heart flutter a little. Hearing how much he liked me and that he wasn’t prepared to give up after I pushed him away made me want to keep him in my life for a bit longer.

Yes, he had disappointed me to a degree but no one was perfect and to his defense, I really didn’t know what I wanted from him.

It would have been simple if all I wanted was for him to be my boyfriend but in the time we spent apart, I’d started to think about what that would look like exactly. We wouldn’t be in the same city, and even if we were one day, he would constantly be on the road for his work.

While was charming and fun, he also was incredibly damaged emotionally from his past - both losing his parents at an early age and having a bad relationship that scarred him deeply. He had a hard time staying still which is why his nomadic life suited him to a degree, and in many ways talk of the future stressed him out.

It struck me as ironic that all the things that made him so irresistible to me also made him terrible as a boyfriend. His spontaneity made him great in the moment, but terrible long term. His trauma made him fascinating but also incredibly difficult to handle emotionally.

At the end of the day, the more I’d thought about it, the more I’d determined that Kazumi Kagami as amazing as he was could never be the kind of boyfriend or husband I wanted...

...but I didn’t want to say goodbye either, which is why this was so hard.

As I wrestled with what I should or should not do, I heard that voice telling me it was ok to be selfish, and so I did nothing.

I turned my phone off and I went back to painting my nails and watching Terrace House.

On Friday, Yuri met me at our go-to dinner spot and after going a little crazy with our order of beers, fried chicken, and ramen all talk quickly turned to my love life.

Yuri knew how stressed out I’d been throughout the week, juggling Kazumi and Makoto, then catching the feels for Kazumi before finally deciding to let him go. Being the good friend she was, she’d indulged me more than she needed to and I was grateful that she seemed excited about the notion of getting to meet one of the contestants in my faux reality show - Emi’s Next Top Boyfriend.

“I’m not going to lie,” she said after slurping down a bunch of noodles, “I’m pretty excited to size this Mako character up.”

“Good because I need help. I thought this was over and then all of a sudden he’s back and I just have no idea of where he’s at or what he’s thinking.”

“Do you know if his friends are going to be there?”

“I don’t and to be honest, I didn’t really think we were there...the whole...meeting the friends.”

“I guess you’ll find out when we get there.”

“Yeah, and I know you just thrive at these kinds of things.”

Yuri flashed me a confident smile before snagging a piece of fried chicken.

“I thrive at any event with free wine.”

Even though she was just joking, Yuri had a knack for these types of social situations. She was one of those people who had the ability to roll into a party where she didn’t know anyone and had no reservations mingling until she’d made a few new friends.

Whereas this kind of event stressed me out, I knew that I would be able to not only hang out with her and Makoto, but that I could leave her and go off with him and not have to worry about how she was doing. Seeing as how Yuri was such a delight at these events, I had no doubt that her presence would only make me look better to Makoto.

Tonight he would see that not only am I a total catch, but that the people I consider friends are cool, pretty, sociable, smart, and fun. On top of that I felt incredibly relieved to finally enter into one of these situations with a friend. In so many ways dating was uncharted territory and I was excited to finally have a wing-woman who could offer a second opinion.

My phone let out a chime, and Kazumi’s name flashed on the screen.

“Oh no...I thought that was over?”

“Not exactly...”

“How did he worm his way back into your good graces this time?”

I let out a sigh.

I knew that Yuri was not a fan of Kazumi’s. It made sense, considering the story I told her which was not entirely fair to him. It also made sense based on the fact that he was a difficult man, and as my friend she wanted to shield me from the “fucboi bullshit” he brought into my life from time to time.

With that said, there was nuance to our relationship which wasn’t easily explained over text. I figured that seeing as how I wasn’t quite ready to let Kazumi go, I might as well give Yuri the full story.

“It’s a little more complicated than I’ve been making it I guess,” I said, as I struggled to explain the fact that I didn’t fully understand what I wanted from him.

I filled her in on the fact that while I had started to really fall for Kazumi, I knew that he was not boyfriend material. After Shizuo, I didn’t want to waste my time trying to make the wrong man right, but it was hard when I had such strong feelings for someone I knew I had the potential to love in a way that I might not be able to love Makoto.

As I broke down all my problems with him, Yuri softened a bit as she understood that Kazu was not simply some Casanova who was manipulating my emotions but that I was aware of what was happening and confused as to how I wanted him in my life.

“Damn girl,” she finally said. “I mean...I still don’t care for the things he pulls with you, but I’m glad to hear that there’s been more to this.”

“Yeah.”

“So what have you decided to do?”

“Be selfish...and do nothing for now.”

“Mmm.”

A comfortable silence passed between us, the table littered with the remnants of our dinner. Our waitress returned with our check, and after throwing down some money Yuri lit up and nudged me playfully.

“Well...time to scope this guy out! Shall we?”

The gallery was pretty crowded, and we pushed our way through the crowd as I looked for Makoto. Seeing as how he was tall I figured I’d be able to spot him fairly easily and sure enough I saw him towards the back with a group of people.

“Yuri - that’s him. Over there...”

“The blonde guy?”

“Girl no...you know I don’t like blondes. The tall one. With the plaid shirt...who just saw me and...hi.”

I responded to Makoto’s awkward wave with one of my own and approached him with Yuri in tow. “Hey! How’s it going?” he asked all smiles.

Truthfully, he looked cuter than I’d remembered him being. He was wearing a nicer shirt for the occasion, and he reached out to give me one of those familiar side-hug things that people do. “Hi,” I said, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious as I looked over at the circle of friends Makoto had stepped out of to greet us. They were also tall and handsome for the most part, and I recognized two of them as Ayato Hidaka (the actor) and Takamune Kitame (the soccer star). “You must be Yuri - I’m Makoto,” he said effortlessly, still wearing that same warm smile of his. “Nice to meet you!” Yuri exclaimed, giving him no indication that the sizing up process had begun. “Sorry, sorry. I’m bad with introductions,” I said feigning bashfulness. Makoto and Yuri exchanged a few pleasantries, and after a few additional introductions where Yuri and I met his friends, he encouraged us to go get a glass of complimentary wine from the open bar.

Yuri waited until we were finally out of earshot on our way to the bar before giving me her first impression of Makoto.

“He seems very nice, and I get the vibe he likes you quite a bit.”

“You think? He’s always changing the pictures on the app though...”

“Yeah but like, that doesn’t mean much. I mean...look at him. He keeps glancing over and smiling at you.”

“I don’t know...”

“Well, I will continue to observe but that’s what my gut is saying at the moment.”

“He’s cute right? I forgot how cute he was...”

Yuri laughed at me in a way that only a good friend can. It was a laugh that told me I never change, and a laugh that made it obvious she was rooting for my happiness.

I drank too much free wine that night.

The good news was that I felt as if I was being my usual, charming self and did not come off as a drunken mess to his friends. If anything, Makoto was the one who seemed a bit sloppy and nervous as he actually spilled a bunch of his wine while chatting with me and Yuri.

I teased him about being a disruptive drunk and he abashedly got a refill, returning to the circle of his friends instead of where Yuri and I were standing until his embarrassment waned.

It was a funny thing, seeing him again after having convinced myself that we were totally over. To be honest, the more wine I drank the more I wanted to touch him - covertly taking his hand in mine or grabbing onto his sleeve when we went to get a drink together (and left Yuri behind with his friends).

I came to learn that his brother was the photographer behind the opening, but thanksfully didn’t have the pressure of meeting the family so soon as Riku spent most of the night speaking to agents and potential clients.

Overall, the night was pleasant and before I knew it Yuri was giving me her final assessment as Makoto made the rounds and said goodbye while we got our coats (and his) from coat check.

“He definitely likes you a lot.”

“But...”

“You’re on the apps too...I don’t know. Based on what I saw he seems pretty smitten.”

I paused, slightly concerned that if I believed Yuri I might get my hopes up prematurely.

“He’s cute right?”

“Yes...you said that already,” she said with a chuckle, “but I think he might be a little boring for you. I know I’d probably get bored with him.”

I knew Yuri well enough to know what she was saying, even though her comment at face value seemed harsh.

She and I were cut from the same cloth to a degree when it came to the men we liked, and even though our steady boyfriends tended to be nice guys who were head over heels for us, realistically we gravitated towards men who were far more complicated and interesting.

It was precisely why I liked Kazumi more despite all his messiness - he was many things, but he was never boring.

Everything I’d been holding myself back from doing came forth the second we were in the cab, and after giving the driver my address I essentially threw myself at Makoto. It had been some time as a grown woman that I’d made out in the backseat of a cab but I couldn’t stop myself from doing so. Kissing Makoto was fine, but it just didn’t have the same kind of fire I had with Kazumi. I found myself getting a bit frustrated, teasing him almost as if to challenge him to step it up a bit and ultimately found myself interrupted by the cab driver who politely let me know that we had arrived.

Back in my apartment the momentum died down a bit, and I found myself talking to Makoto about what he’d been up to as well as the fact that he’d really liked Yuri. He suggested setting her up with his friend Taka (who we’d met), and the four of us having a double date to which I found myself nowhere near ready for that.

I didn’t know how he felt about me and worse, I didn’t know how I was feeling about him. On paper everything was so perfect but I still just felt that there was something missing in our sexual chemistry.

Nevertheless, that didn’t stop me from going to bed with him (in the name of science) and after what I would describe as a 7/10 experience found myself lying on his chest as we continued our conversation before I’d attempted to derail my merging of worlds prematurely via seduction.

"I’m really glad I got to see you again,” he said softly as he stroked my hair. “It felt like a long time...”

“I know, but it was really only 5 days.”

“Such a long time,” he joked.

“I mean, it is considering before that I think 3 days was the longest.”

“I haven’t gone on any other dates.”

“That’s not my business Makoto. I already told you, you can if you want.”

“I know, but I’m so busy lately and then when I have free time I was hoping to see you.”

“Ugh. I always forget how cute you are.”

“That’s not fair. I don’t forget how pretty you are...”

I could feel how soft and loving my gaze was on him in that moment, and he smiled before he pulled me towards him. In that moment his kiss was soft and loving, and when I pulled back he asked, “Wednesday?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I see you on Wednesday? Five days was too long.”

“Ok. Wednesday.”

He kissed me again and then got dressed. I probably should have offered my bed overnight, but I just wasn’t there with him for some reason. I knew if he stayed I’d get no sleep and so we did what we’d done before, except this time I had no doubt that I’d see him again.

In my skimpy pajamas I walked a fully dressed Makoto to my front door where he playfully grabbed my butt and kissed me a few more times before leaving.

As I closed the door, I thought about the fact that I was lucky.

Even if Makoto wasn’t “the one”, I was still lucky that this was the kind of person I’d met. For years my single friends told me what dating was like on these apps. Their experiences in many ways influenced my own expectations insofar as what I assumed this would be.

I had assumed with both Kazumi and Makoto that they would ghost after two or three dates (or perhaps after sleeping with me). I constantly assumed that these fragile, new relationships were teetering on the edge of being over. I waited for the texts that my friends showed me - the ones in which the man takes the high road and expresses the fact that while he had fun, he doesn’t see a future together.

With Kazumi I had assumed my letter would be the end of it. I had assumed that he would express that my role in his life was nothing more than a fling versus anything to fight for (be it friendship or more). This week I had learned that for Kazumi I was more than just a fling. He might not care about me enough to put in the work to dig through his feelings and answer my email, but he cared enough to do what he was capable of in this moment in time.

He cared enough to fight a little bit...and seeing as how I didn’t know what the hell I wanted, I was at least happy to know that the strong feelings I had towards him were not completely one sided.

And then there was Makoto.

I’ll never understand what happened that night that caused him to pull back and change his pictures, but being with him in person confirmed that he was the cinnamon roll I remembered. Yuri’s read on him meant something to me, because when I was with him I felt that he really liked me.

Now that we had plans for Wednesday, it felt like it did when we first met. It felt like he wanted to keep our momentum going and not let me go.

I was very lucky.

I felt very loved...or at least, very liked.

As I got ready for bed, I thought about what it meant to be selfish right now. Perhaps it meant continuing to see a man who I wasn’t sold on in addition to one who wasn’t right.

Maybe it was just about letting these things play out, and realizing that I had a say in the matter.

I didn’t have to wait around and wonder if they’d ghost or not. I got to say what I wanted, how I wanted it, and create my own rules for myself out of that.

My eyelids grew heavy, and I decided that tomorrow first thing I would wake up and spend my Saturday morning coming up with my own Terms & Conditions for dating.

Because at least then, I’d have a roadmap and it would be completely my own.

Continue to Chapter 7

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