#just putting this here to probably delete later

[bee-a-ts]

I've not made a secret of having an absolutely awful week. I've tried not to trauma dump unprompted, either, so I've kept it vague, but in addition to the occasional tumblr post I've reached out to irl friends with statements on the theme. Some friends, and statements, repeatedly. Which isn't like me - I'm normally forthcoming with my stress when it's relatively minor. Or I'll say it once and leave it be. But I'm drowning right now and so I keep reaching out.

And no one. Not a single one of these good friends. Has done so much as said, "I'm sorry, I'm here for you," or asked more questions, or checked in, or, hell, sent a silly picture to try and cheer me up. It's like pulling teeth to get a response at all. It's always me reaching out first - how was your birthday, how was your move, how are you feeling, how was so and sos visit? Here, have a meme that made me think of you, here's a song that made me think of you, here's a picture of the sky in Seattle today, and on and on.

Is it unrealistic to expect a base level of reciprocal caring from close friends?? I know I can always be direct - "I need you to talk first, check in, think of me when I'm having a hard time" - but a, it takes the value out of it for me to have the only times I'm cared for be in response to a direct ask; and b, I have done that before. It's clearly not stuck.

I'm just - gods, I'm frustrated and angry and so goddamn sad. This is my life. I live alone. I do not have a partner, and probably never will. I need my friends, because I literally do not have a different support option. And it's been like this all month, sending message after message to the void for all the response I'm liable to get.

All that to say, I forgot to add kale to my Jamba Juice smoothie delivery this morning and had a fucking breakdown about it when I realized, because it was too sweet and without a vegetable I can't justify eating it so the whole thing will go in the trash. Thankfully, I found some spinach in the freezer and salvaged the situation. But it's so clear to me I'm taking out the stress of this month on my body.

Yesterday the only food I ate and kept down was a pastry and some carrots and seaweed during DnD. I had a banana and donut that morning, but I made myself throw it up.

I've been taking too hot showers trying to burn myself, and too cold showers when that doesn't work to try and make myself cry it out. I am constantly thinking about all the destructive habits I've used in the past and trying to redirect them, but a rubber band on the wrist only goes so far.

I'm exhausted and while this week really took the cake in terms of Extra Bullshit, the intense stress has been going on for two months now and it's looking like another two months of this at least. I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably keep hating myself and my body and coping poorly, if I'm honest. It's not like I'm actively suicidal - I'm not going anywhere. I'm just-

Fuck it, I don't know. Who cares anyway. Clearly. I'll be fine eventually, I always am. I'm used to being the only person taking care of myself.

I'll probably delete this later anyway.

[nanamis-bigtie]

"how dare kusakabe say this about yuji/gojo" how many people died in shibuya? how many died trying to stop sukuna? how many would have died if they hadn't miraculously won the battle in shinjuku?

this is not a simple matter of good versus bad decision, this is not a moral dilemma that can be solved in a black versus white way. yes, gojo saved yuji's life, but it was a huge gamble on his side and he didn't do it entirely out of good heart. did we forget already that yuji's execution was only postponed and the initial goal of gojo's plan was to kill him after he absorbed all 20 fingers?

i know it's easier to sympathize with yuji than with no face no name crowd - but do you think there were no young people, even children, among many slaughtered in shibuya? did their futures not matter? what makes yuji's life and future worth more than theirs?

and it's not like the story tries to hide this nuance from readers, this terrifying moral dilemma is a part of character development of many, yuji's himself as well. we got one whole opening, SPECIALZ, focused on that, it was pushed right into our eyes: look at the price they had to pay to keep the special one alive.

please, try to read into text a little deeper than from one perspective only. gojo wasn't a saint, he was never supposed to be one, he's a complex character and that nuance is what makes him so well written and loved.

and i don't get how some people try to paint kusakabe as some great evil when their beloved gojo himself admired him lol

[moonchild-in-blue]

Oh.

[musical-dash-trash]

hey this is a little vent-y so if you don’t want to read that just scroll away really fast please!!

ew depression

[aphel1on]

i get soo mad every time a new hydro character gets announced or leaked and it's not a hydro claymore lmao. idk what part of my neurotype i can blame this on but it drives me up the fucking walls that it's been this long and it's now the ONLY weapon/element combo unaccounted for

[silentchamp]

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[siena-sevenwits]

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[thestalwartheart]

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[arsenicflame]

one of the things that really pisses me off about fandom (in general but it seems 10x worse in the ofmd fandom in specific) is some peoples determination to jump to the worst possible interpretation of any scene with a character they dont like in it. its suddenly not reasonable to read the silly jokey scene as it was indended, we have to assume X character is acting in bad faith because why would he not. if you substituted it with any other person you would not see these readings, but because its someone they dont like we can't possibly read it any other way. im all for reading into the text of the show and analysing and extrapolating from it, but some of the takes i have seen seem so out of left field from the actual show that it feels hard to assume the people writing them are doing it for any reason other than blind hatred of a character.

[spectrearia]

this is kinda random but it crossed my mind again today and I figured I'd bring it up, but if you're a friend/mutual of mine and you post art or something that I don't reblog, please don't take it personally. i have a lot of fandoms blocked for my own reasons and quite a bit of the content that y'all post falls into some of that and I just straight up Don't See It kfjdng

anyway. felt like clearing that up just in case it bothered anyone ><;;

[icicleteeth]

Ever since I reactivated side twt I've been a lot more loose with muting people who when I see on the tl I feel sad (I was always apprehensive to being loose with it just bc I felt bad) but I'm finding that the sadness isn't coming from like, anything they post or people being negative or anything, it's just more like "I don't know if you have beef with me and are for some reason still following but I have a hunch there is beef so I must mute so I don't accidentally interact with you and upset you" Probably my paranoia but :')

[celibibratty]

Timelapse

[stevebabey]

hey homies :) if i did a wee follower celebration is dat somethin u might be interested in

[byanyan]

ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!

[nonbinarylesbianskout]

Hello Nomad tag I have come to once again grace you with my presence

[whump-it-like-its-hot]

anyway shoutout to the three little rats that just beat each other up in front of our doors, nearly broke the glass in the process, and then had the audacity to ask me for free popcorn and drinks like. What