#just rewatch this movie btw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

calamitoustide · 18 days

Text

i posted this microfic months ago but then deleted it after a while but i was rewatching this episode of Gilmore Girls tonight and thought about it again... so here it is

come over

Three days.

Hardly any time at all if you really think about it, but to Regulus it feels like it’s been decades. He’s spent most of it in bed, pathetic yes but he can’t help it. He hasn’t answered his phone. Hasn’t even let it ring. He can’t handle it really. The one person he wants to call won’t so it’s better just to not hear it at all. His bed should bring him comfort, but it’s cold and he wants to rip off his sheets with every breath he takes that’s not taken by another. He would if he could move, but his chest feels heavy and sleep has always been easier.

He’s spent so much time staring at the permanent park on his forearm, a “J” written out plainly. There’s nothing else it could be, that was the point. Never get a lover tattooed on you, they say, but Regulus didn’t listen. He even let him be the one to do it, he was so sure. He could remove it, or cover it up with something else, but the very thought kills him to even think about. He feels himself gagging at the idea of looking down and not seeing it there, of seeing something else. He wants to be separated from him but he wants no space at all. It’s his own fault, he has to remind himself of that. He was the one who landed the final punch. He was gripping the knife. He really didn’t mean to, but it means nothing when

Sirius broke down his door yesterday, said they thought he was dying, and maybe he is. He certainly feels like he’s rotting. He felt the decay setting in as soon as James stormed out of the door. He can hardly say his name anymore. What once left his lips like a promise now sits behind it until he’s joking on it. Thinking of him isn’t like pushing on a bruise, it hurts worse. It’s a slicing of a knife, or a pulling apart of scars. Sirius made him get out of bed, no matter how much he yelled at them. He ran out of words eventually and Sirius’ grip was stronger than he could fight. They shoved him into the bathroom and forced him to shower, banging on the door every ten minutes to make sure he was actually doing it. Regulus wanted to kill them, and he wanted to hug them too. He doesn’t like how he gets when he’s not with James. He doesn’t really like who he is when he was with him either. It’s always a push and pull with him. Sirius couldn’t stay forever though, or at least Regulus faked being better long enough that they thought they could trust him. A bad idea on their part but Regulus won’t complain. They’re sitting up now, nails digging into their shin as the phone rings against his ear. It’s a bad idea. It’s a really bad idea. But his brain isn’t working and he just needs to hear his voice. He needs to… He can’t do this alone. He doesn’t care if James hates him. He knows him. If Regulus calls him and asks for him to come James will, even if it kills him. He’d do it. That’s just how James is. And maybe it’s selfish for Regulus to ask this of him, in fact he knows it is. He’s awful for asking it but he can’t help but take.

He doesn’t pick up. Regulus chest drops, he can’t help it. He really messed up this time. “James, hi,” his voice breaks, it cuts off after every word. He sounds like shit if he’s being honest. “I don’t really know what I’m doing I just… I needed to hear your voice and I thought you’d pick up. I know that’s—do you remember one of the first times we talked?” He asks, he knows he shouldn’t. He’s taking it a step too far, but he can’t help it. “We weren’t together yet and I don’t even know if you know what I’m talking about but we were at that party. The one Sirius dragged me too. It was one of yours. I stayed out in the backyard the entire time trying to hide but you found me anyway. You sat down on the grass next to me and just started talking. You didn’t shut up no matter how much I told you to go.”

He remembers it so vividly. He can picture James’ stupid outfit, it was his favorite, no matter how ridiculous it looked. Filled with mix-matched patterns and simply awful designs, but it was James. It screamed his name. As soon as they started dating Regulus shoved it so far back into James’ closet he couldn’t find it. He couldn’t stand it. Now he wants to see it again. “You didn’t even know me then but you told me if I ever needed anything you would be there. Not because of Sirius you said it was for me,” he’s full on crying at this point, hiccuping between his words. He hates himself for it. No matter how much he claws at his face to remove the marks they’re still there, burning holes in his skin. “And I need you now, James. I— I need you here. Just come over. Please just… come over I—“

His actions wash over him and he hangs up the phone as quickly as he called him.

Fuck what has he done?

Despite not leaving the bed unless forced he jumps out and puts on his shoes. He’s still wearing James’ shirt, the one he left here the last time he stayed over. He shouldn’t be seen like this put he’s already out of the door. James has an awful habit of leaving his phone at home when he goes out. Regulus kept telling him to keep it on him.

“What if you’re in an accident?” He asked him, “What then?”

“Well if I’m in an accident you’ll be with me,” James replied. “I don’t go anywhere without you.”

Regulus’ chest aches. It’s a ten minute drive but he’s shaking by the time he makes it there. Time goes by quickly as slams on the break on the road in front of his house. He keeps a spare key in a little cat statue right next to the door. Again Regulus calls him an idiot for, but James doesn’t care. He always forgets his keys anyway, he needs a way to get inside.

Without a thought Regulus leaps for it, there’s no car in the driveway so he’s probably safe walking in. No matter if he is or if he’s not he rushes inside, slipping on the floor on the way to the kitchen. James’ phone is sitting on the counter, completely untouched. With a sigh he opens it, he doesn’t even need to put the passcode in he put his face ID in it ages ago. James still hasn’t taken it off yet.

It only takes him a few seconds really to find the voicemail and delete it. He deletes the missing call too, and any other sign of his break. He can’t have James know. He wouldn’t be able to bear it. Without another breath he slams the phone back down and rushes out of the door. His tires squeak on the way home, and he almost runs a red light trying to speed home. He doesn’t really fully understand what he’s done until he pulls into his own driveway to find the door wide open.

“Fuck,” he whispers, quickly jumping out of the car. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” As soon as he breaks through the doorway he sees him, running out of the bedroom his eyes wide with worry. Fuck. “James—“

“Are you okay?” He asks, running up to him. “I come over here and you’re gone.”

“You got my message,” Regulus says numbly.

“My phone was across the house I was gonna answer but I didn’t get there in time,” James answers. “So I ran over here. I knocked there wasn’t an answer,” he lifts his hand, “I still have my key so I just…”

Regulus can’t stop staring at it. It’s such a little thing truly. His eyes trail down the length of James’ arm, he can’t help himself. He needs to see it. Only a glimpse of it. The “R” is still there, imprinted into his skin. He wonders how long that’ll last. “Oh my god.”

“You can have it back,” James shoves it in his hands, he doesn’t even ask for it. He doesn’t want it, it feels hot in his hand, like he’s look down and see a burn mark. “I just forgot about it I wasn’t—“

“I’ll never do it again,” Regulus croaks, blinking quickly. “Sorry I um—I’m fine. Just…” he can’t even look him in the eye. “I’ll never do this to you again. You asked for me to go away and I will. I told you I would so I just— I knew if I called you you’d come and that was awful of me to do.“ “It’s okay,” James whispers, hurt pulling at the end of his words.

Regulus shakes his head, “I won’t do it again. Thank you for coming but you don’t—you don’t need to stay.”

James doesn’t move at first, his eyes running over his face as if he’s looking to see if he really means it. Regulus wants him to see right through him. He wants him to stay. Kiss him even if it’ll break him. He wants to be hurt by him. Feeling something will be better than feeling nothing. He’ll take a little bit of James if this is the only other option. “Okay.”

Regulus bites the inside of his cheek. He won’t cry while he’s here. He doesn’t want to force him to stay. He can’t do that to him. Even though he wants to. He wants him to hurt. He wants him to bleed. He can’t help it. “You should go.”

“Yeah, I should,” James says distantly. Regulus wants to touch him, one last time at least. He wants to feel like his for a little while longer. He can’t handle feeling nothing, but James is already walking away. He leaves the house without a word and Regulus still has his key burning a hole in his hand. The door shuts and Regulus crumbles exactly where he’s standing. That’s it. There’s nothing more. He looks at the tattoo one final time, knowing he’ll never be able to mark over it. He’s still James’ no matter what happens now. He belongs to him. If James called him he’s show up just like James did now. Even if he finds someone new it won’t matter. He’s still his.

He leans his head on the cold floor hoping it’ll take his headache away but it only makes him shiver at the thought of being alone forever.

God. It’s only been three days.

#they can't break up with each other btw #it never works out #they don't do break ups well #i was just rewatching the scene #and Lorelai said something like “she called him because he was her best friend and she needed her best friend”#it was about a movie or something but idk that just kinda stuck out to me #because yeah #that would be how jeg would be after a break up #the only comfort they'd want is each other #but they don't have each other anymore #also #after this microfic they 100% get back together #there's no doubt in my mind #anyway #jegulus

9 notes · View notes