#just some dune movie humor

[wine4thewin]

Chani, anytime she hears someone refer to Paul Atreides as Lisan al Gaib or Mahdi:

Meanwhile, Lady Jessica & her psychic unborn baby hearing the same thing:

[backstage-if]

Hey fend I have a bone to pick with you!

I looked at the pintrest boards and although I love Em and Spencer is still and always will be life! (Good job on the boards btw you did well! Yay!! Go you! ♥️)

Also will you consider making a list of the Ros fav movies or fav plays for me plus why they love em... pretty pleasseee 💜

but

HEY! Don't distract me!!!!!

Why are you out here making side characters hot??? Kwan, Saint and Anton have no fucking logical reason to be that attractive. My eyes are ruined now. 🙄😭 thanks for that 😑

Sorry not sorry for making hot side characters 😌 (and you maybe be able to kissy kiss with Anton, who knows what the future holds)

BUT sorry sorry sorry for the delay on the ask.

Here it goes.

C

I think C looves Sci-Fi and fantasy movies, like Star Wars and Interstellar (also, they're definitely watching Dune 2), but I choose Watermelon Woman (1996) for Cassandra and Paris Is Burning (1990) for Callahan. I can imagine them age 14, starting questioning themself, hiding under the covers to watch these in the middle of the night and still considering their fav movie to this day.

For favorite play, right now I would say The America Play by Suzan-Lori Parks, because of its themes about living in your own shoes and also bc they consider it to be challenging.

Neil

I can see Neil saying his favorite movie is something classic like 12 Angry Men (1957) (why is he always telling half-truths?), but actually having a soft spot for The Sixth Sense (1999). I just imagine him putting it on TV the following week of his mother's funeral + after his grandma returned to her house and both of his siblings ending up in the living room watching it with him bc all three of them haven't be able to sleep well.

For a play, it's Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller, because 1) he watched it once with his parents (it's also one of his dad's favorite plays, unfortunately), 2) the themes.

Joy

I don't feel like Joy has an actual favorite movie, I think it depends on her humor and changes basically every week bc she loves movie nights with friends and/or with her cat. The most recent one would be Boogie Nights (1997) because of vibes ✨️ and also Julianne Moore.

For play, it's The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde. She wrote an analysis on it for college and now believes it's a classic for a reason. Same as movies, Joy's favorites changes for time to time, but this still holds the first place (for years now).

Spencer

Spencer has a lot of movies they consider close to heart, but some recent ones are Garoto/Kid (2015) and Sound of Metal (2019). They are captivated by the acting and the themes (they think a lot about feeling unnable to do what they love and about death, probably more than would be healthy).

I think Spencer likes a lot of plays, but never actually stopped to choose a favorite one. Right now, their answer would probably be Little Shop of Horrors, because of the combo themes + music + pratical effects + they did it once right after they started acting (as ensemble) and have good memories of it.

A

A watches a bunch of movies with their mom when she has free time, so they have multiple favorites to choose from. Right off the bat, Ameera would say Lady Vengeance (2005) and Adarsh would choose Memories of Murder (2003), simply because these are movies they really enjoyed and think about rewatching from time to time (unusual for them, who prefer to discover new movies).

Now, for play it would be Spring Awakening, because no one can convince A not to choose a musical. It's a dream role for them and one of the reasons they decided to quit ballet and choose theater (not as dramatic as it sounds, more like.... it help them realize it seemed interesting and challenging and captivating in a way they didn't feel like ballet did anymore).

[dolores-slay]

Ultimately my stance on Dune is that I can definitely recognize its importance to scifi but its fans are way too precious about valid criticism which might mean some things are being brought out only now.

Years ago I was in the process of trying to read the first book (ultimately failing because I found the writing wooden and characterwork unengaging, and the descriptiveness while impressive was not enough to keep me) and making stray comments about it on my several follower twitter, only mentioning the name Dune and not tagging or marking it for visibility in any way. And I had complete strangers who literally just search up the word 'Dune' come and argue with me how I'm stupid and an oversensitive snowflake or just not getting it. Which admittedly soured me even more on the idea of wading through this book I don't enjoy further.

I found the new movie spectacular and enjoyable, but that's good craft! It didn't make me a Dune megafan, I just enjoyed the movie. And now after the lead's participation in insensitive 'humor' at the expense of a genocided populace whose cultures are the backbone of Herbert's wordbuilding, and people pointing that out, the duneheads better not be bringing out the 'it was a different time' or 'so you're only noticing it now!' NO! Your fave series was still niche in the mainstream, and criticism was either ignored or weirdos went out of their way to shut it down. No I don't think enjoying Dune makes you a bad person of COURSE but the holy cow mentality is tiring istg.

[mx-t4t0]

that post about how the dune movies are bad because "ohhhgh there's no jokes :(" is stupid btw. like. if you can't sit down to watch a movie without humor that is a you problem. i'm starting to think those people talking about some of y'all being unable to just sit down and just sit through a dark, awful, unpleasant story were right. i'm not saying those have to be your thing but i'm saying grading a movie strictly on whether or not "it was funni :)" is dumb and stupid.

comic relief has become the jingling keys of cinematography for some and it's upsetting. i dont even like the modern dune movies that much it was just that dumb of a take that i'm ranting about it. mcu baby brain is a real thing.

[smallishplanete]

Every movie I watched in March ranked and reviewed

ok this is a long list and idk if I'm gonna do this every month but here we go! (also summary is in the tags if you just want to see the ranking for whatever reason.)

17. Baghead (2023)

I watched this with my friend in an almost empty theater on a Wednesday afternoon and it was the funniest theatrical experience I've ever had. Movie sucks don't watch it. 2/10

16. The Help (2011)

Alright before I say anything, I really wanted to like this film. I thought everything about it was pretty good aside from the script, which was so shallow and insincere that I just couldn't connect with it. It's not bad, I just wish it did more. 4/10

15. A Star is Born (2018)

Kind of the same problems I had with The Help. Just an average movie that feels insincere and like it's trying too hard to be an academy darling. 5/10

14. The Little Mermaid / Русалочка (1976)

I'm gonna be real for a second, I didn't mean to watch this . I wanted to watch the Czech film from the same year but me (dumbass who can't tell the difference between Russian and Czech) didn't realize I was watching the wrong film. Anyways it was fine. 5/10

13. Eraserhead (1977)

I think movies with shorts scripts just irritate me. I love the atmosphere and the effects and what little script there is is fantastic, but this should've been a 50 minute short film at most. 6/10

12. Immaculate (2024)

This movie has a lot of potential and I think Sydney Sweeney is a very talented actress who seems to be a promising producer, but its first act really drags it down for me. As it goes on it gets much weirder and relies less on cheap jump scares which I really like. It's worth seeing in my opinion. 6/10

11. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999)

I don't really know how to word my thoughts on this movie, but I enjoyed it. Some of the performances and parts of the script are corny and it's not exactly incredible, but it succeeds as a queer chick flick. 7/10

10. Dogtooth / Κυνόδοντας (2009)

This might become a bit of a trend, but I really can't explain how I feel about this film. Please read the IMDB parents guide before watching it for any tws necessary (that applies to most of the films on this list so if they look interesting, check the parents guide or ask me for a list of cws.) 7/10

9. Donkey Skin / Peau d'âne (1970)

Silly and whimsical fairytale movie. Such an enjoyable little film. It's a little slow in some parts but it's very effective at capturing the feeling of a fairytale. 7/10

8. Dune: Part Two (2024)

Ok I know it's unpopular to say that this is worse than the first one but the first like 20 minutes had a shockingly bad script for no reason? The movie gets definitely gets good but that first just was so forced in its humor and genuinely kind of baffling writing wise that it dragged it down. Great movie, just weakened by a lame opening. Also I watched this twice this month. 8/10

7. Blue Velvet (1986)

This film is so cool oh my god. It's slightly repetitive in some scenes, and not in an intentional way, but other than that it's very interesting and it's a very captivating mystery. I watched this film without knowing anything about it and I recommend going in completely blind like I did. 8/10

6. Naked Lunch (1991)

What the fuck??? 8/10

5. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

I can't really explain what I like about this movie other than it's just a good movie. It's a little too long and it's a bit unintentionally confusing but genuinely amazing even with those minor flaws. 8/10

4. Dune (2021)

This movie is so yummy. Everyone I've talked to hates that it's a serious political drama but that's what I love about it and the fact that the sequel kind of gets rid of that stuff was a bummer. Incredible effects and just amazing cinematography. I watched this three times this month btw. (Also side note, this poster is fucking atrocious.) 9/10

3. Anatomy of a Fall (2023)

Such an insanely good courtroom drama. Every scene is interesting and there aren't any parts where I was confused or bored. Incredibly well paced. 9/10

2. The Young Girls of Rochefort / Les demoiselles de Rochefort (1967)

La La Land if it was good. 10/10

1. The Zone of Interest (2023)

I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how this movie makes me feel. Please go check it out and watch Jonathan Glazer's Oscar speech. 10/10

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 20 of Gideon the Ninth

Right, so, let me see if i can summarize what happened here:

Teacher: No! You must absolutely under no circumstances ever do soul siphoning down in this laboratory, because there are terrible evil necromantic monsters down here that will possess you and do Bad Shit!

*24 hours later*

Dulcinea: So this puzzle in the lab that's maybe full of spooky necromantic monsters requires that you soul-siphon your cavalier *eyelash bat* Would you do it for me? *dimple* Pretty please? *lip pout* Palamedes was too chicken to do it *eyelash flutter*

Harrow: Palamedes was here first? I have to do it. I have to beat Palamedes. Are you ok with it, Griddle?

Gideon: Of course I will almost die for you, you just had to ask.

I have serious questions about everyone's motivations, and like, basic ability to do cost-benefit analysis

Although it sounds like from what Harrow said that Dulcinea underestimated how hard this would be when telling her what Palamedes had said about it. Or, Palamedes underestimated when he was telling Dulcinea about it, but I think that's less likely, even if Palamedes actually did say anything to Dulcinea about this at all, and I think there is some chance that Palamedes never actually did that

So... new wild Dulcinea conspiracy theory: Dulcinea is trying to kill Gideon for some reason. I can't think of any reason why, but we also don't know the whole Space Jesus lore yet, and Dulcinea seems to recognize Gideon's eyes from somewhere

On the topic of Space Jesus, "yes I will die for you without question" is, in fact, Very Jesus, which I hate to say, since that's my least favorite thing about Jesus

And the thing that Gideon notices

Not even some comment about Harrow being naked, which, honestly, would have been in-character, I think

I think Harrow might be with me on this latest conspiracy theory, actually

Yeah, I think Harrow is starting to suspect that she is evil now

Also, let's just talk about this Mean Girls reference, for a minute. So far, for the modern memes, if I've been keeping track well enough, we have "I studied the blade", "resting bitch face", "light is the paper-killer", "that's what she said", and now this one. But look. "I studied the blade" and "resting bitch face" are both just objectively funny phrases, they're not like, only funny because they're references to something, that's how they became memes in the first place, someone said the phrase and everyone else said, "yeah, that was pretty funny" and it wasn't a reference and you didn't need pop culture context in order to get it. "That's what she said" is also not a reference to a pop culture event, I'm like 1000% sure that every language in existence probably has a way to say "that's what she said" that has the same social context and implication, that kind of humor is probably pretty universal. And Palamedes wasn't making a joke when he said "light is the paper-killer", you could argue, from an in-universe perspective, that he just happened to phrase it like that for whatever reason, in-universe, there's no reason this has to be a reference to Dune. But this Mean Girls reference is meant to be a joke and is actually not funny on its own unless you know that this is a reference to Mean Girls and remember the particular scene that it came from. And if the epoch that's being used here is just the regular AD epoch that we use and it's now 10000 AD, a movie that came out in 2004 is just not going to be in Gideon's cultural experience. So what in-universe thing is Gideon actually referencing? Why is this funny from an in-universe context? I think if you're going to do stuff like this, you kind of have to go big or go home and do what Homestuck did and actually create a corpus of in-universe references and in-jokes and memes for your characters to refer back to. Otherwise it doesn't work. Actually, this is something I'd love to see from basically all spec-fic: in-universe pop culture, in-universe memes. Pop culture has been around for a very long time, memes are just a subset of jokes and have probably been around forever, I enjoy the memes here but I'd actually rather read about brand new memes that originated in this necromantic space feudalism universe somewhere than old familiar memes from a movie that came out almost 20 years ago. Even on Pluto, Gideon had magazines, surely there are other kinds of slightly higher-brow magazines and books and so forth that could generate all kinds of references and memes. Maybe the book would have to spend a few words to explain some of Gideon's jokes, but I honestly would like to know what people joke about in this cultural context, I think it would do a lot to bring the setting to life

Another side observation is that Dulcinea has another key that they do not have, but does not have the one key they have found already. IIRC, Palamedes and Camilla had multiple keys, and obviously Palamedes does not have the key that they retrieved in this chapter, because even if Dulcinea is lying about talking to him, I do believe he would not do this

Also, Dulcinea mentioned "thalergy" at some point in this chapter, I think saying that Harrow would have to siphon that rather than thanergy. I can't find the root of this word, the best I could come up with was this maybe, which is not like, super helpful? I guess maybe thalergy is like life energy as opposed to thanergy, which is death energy, and Dulcinea could provide thanergy because she is dying but for the thalergy Harrow needs to siphon Gideon, or something?

Please, I'm dying to know the rest of this sentence, of all the things I do not know in this book, this is now the one I want to know the most

[wronganswerforehead]

Dune Part 2: Initial Thoughts.

Watched Dune Part two and I hate to be a contrarian, but it was just OK to me. Below is my non-spoiler take on the movie. Please excuse any grammatical errors, I'm just jotting down my thoughts.

Let's start with the positive! Here's What I enjoyed:

Cinematography and technical aspects. 

We live in a world where bad and downright comical CGI has somehow become the norm. Dune circumvents this with a combination of beautiful practical scenery and effects and technical mastery that I don't think I've seen since the Pirates of the Carribean. It allowed me to be fully immersed in the world, and I truly appreciated that.

The performances of Zendaya, Rebecca Ferguson, Javier Bardem, and Austin Butler. 

While I don't think anyone turned in an Oscar worthy performance, I do think that these 4 did really well with the material they were given. Zendaya gave a performance that was both nuanced and in moments quite fierce. Chani’s love, skepticism, and anger were all portrayed wonderfully. I absolutely loved the fluency in which she spoke the Freman language and the chemistry she had with Souheila Yacoub. With that being said, I have some notes lol. Some of the lines were both written and delivered awkwardly, her signature “scowl” became repetitive, and her eyes tended to be kind of dead in some emotional moments. But, I think that with more roles/experience under her belt, Z can become quite the force if she wants to be. Overall, I really enjoyed her performance.

Rebecca played a very believable momma bear and puppet master. She is, in my opinion, an underrated actor. There was never a moment where her performance left me wanting more. 

Javier brought effortless humor to this film. Although I will say, the humor combined with the weird pacing made the religious zealot aspect of his character less believable. It kind of felt like when we got to those parts, he was still joking. 

Austin plays a psychopath really well! No notes lol.

And now, what I didn't enjoy:

Timothee Chalamet

I know this is a very unpopular opinion, and I’ve TRIED to understand the hype, but I just…don’t. With that being said, he was good when it came to playing the “boy” Paul Atreides, but when it came time to be a fierce leader/Messiah, nothing about his portrayal was believable. Everytime he yelled or raised his voice, it completely took me out of the movie, almost to the point of laughing. Also, jumping from Zendaya, Javier Bardem, and Souheila Yacoub speaking the Freman language to Timothee speaking it, was jarring to say the least. Overall, it was an ok performance, but I feel he gets a TON of grace because of CMBYN. And I’ll leave it there.

The Pacing

It was rough, I can’t lie. One second, you're in a fast-paced action sequence, and then the next thing you know, the movie grinds to a halt via jump cut to a different, seemingly unrelated, scene where everybody is whispering.  Also, the quickness in which everyone, including the non-believers, rallied behind Paul contributed to the pacing issue. Everything either happened too fast or too slow and it never really found a balance. This movie jumps around a lot and sometimes it’s sloppily done and confusing.I know that there is a lot that has to be fit into these movies, but I feel like this aspect could’ve been handled better. Ultimately, I think it’s why the movie ended up feeling really long and sometimes repetitive to me.

Lack of Explanations

For starters, I don't like it when movies spoon feed you. BUT, in cases like Dune, where there’s a ton of pre-existing lore, I think it’s necessary to offer some explanation for the audience members who haven’t read the book. Introducing certain themes and items without any explanation whatsoever, will leave a lot of moviegoers confused and feeling like there may be a plot hole. For example, Chani’s blue scarf. If you haven’t read the book, you will have absolutely no idea why it suddenly appears halfway through the movie. You can make guesses based on prior scenes, but you’ll probably be wrong because the real reason is never introduced in the movie.

Overall, it was a decent experience. But to be honest, I don’t think it being placed in the same category as great sequels, such as the Dark knight, is warranted. I think this movie is getting a ton of grace simply because of the names attached to it and the general lack of well made action movies. It’s in the right place at the right time.

Well, that’s it for now. Hope you enjoyed the read!

[azzandra]

You seem to have stumbled upon my blog!

If you’ve been lured here by some weird quip I’ve made on a reblog or by one of my unexpectedly popular posts going around again, I’m happy to provide you with more entertainment!

Want something to reblog? Here are some of my greatest hits!

T’Pen and Marmalade - a Vulcan adopts a cat - with reblog additions! - another long version - the one that also includes Sivok

WIP I never wrote about a dragon adopting a human

Alien gender metaphor

The one about the alien worms (made before the Dune movie came out, even)

Want more of my fiction writing? 

Happy news! I have an Ao3. My fanfic is also under Azzandra, and my original fiction is now under Whydah

I have written for a bunch of fandoms over the course of the years, included but not limited to Girl Genius, Homestuck, Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Dishonored, and most recently Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System.

Want to see some stuff I’ve reblogged? Here are some of my regularly used tags:

swellegant - for clothing and outfits I find interesting to look at

places - for places I find interesting to look at

pretty things - for accessories and furniture I find interesting to look at. Objects in general.

*shrug emoji* - this is the tag I use for posts where I just talk. About stuff. Any kind of stuff.

game blather - video game observations, observational humor, and opinions. 

writing blather - talking about writing in general, or about stuff I’m writing in particular. If I post a link to some new story or update, I will sometimes also use this tag

dream journaling for fun and profit - posts about some of the more entertaining or compelling dreams I’ve had

Okay but what am I up to these days?

I’m trying to work more on my original fiction. Recent things I’ve been posting includes Missed and Begotten, a slice-of-life fantasy story with a focus on worldbuilding, and a main character who’s cranky on main but keeps getting put into Situations.

Well, that’s cool for me, maybe but you’re not interested in that.

That’s okay, I have more exciting stuff for you in that case!

[Like what I do? You can buy me a coffee]

[renegade-chaos-druid]

Top Gun Maverick

SPOILER FREE Personal Review Preamble: First off let me say this. I am a DIE HARD fan of the first TG. And when I say that, I mean I used to watch it once or twice a month at least on an old VHS growing up. My dad was in the Navy, stationed on the Air Craft Carrier Constellation, and to say I had a hard on for all things Navy, Naval Aviation and F-14s is an understatement. So understand when I say I WANTED to hate on Top Gun Maverick but can’t, its coming from a deep seated love of the original.  That being said, I cannot help but love TGM. So, Pro/Con: Bad out of the way first because there isn’t much CONS -Longer than needed; Yup like every other fucking movie regardless of genre, the studio got this one to extend run time over two hours and some change. So, plenty of long, needless, drawn out talking, staring, more talking, more staring, and slow-mo scenes for no reason other than, gotta hit that time stamp. -The  CGI that was used in major scenes....is PAINFULLY obvious. Take a clue from the original movie Paramount, just stick to scenes you can do with practical effects when 98% of the movie is already that and not rush a bunch of CGI for spectacle.  -Mav is basically the only character. No seriously, everyone else does great, its just...at the end of the day, couldn’t give a fuck bout any of them as characters. Its all about Tom Cruise and it kinda shows. 

Well that’s is, Now on to the fangasming PROs -Excellent loyalty to the Original; In an age of post modernism, bullshit deconstruction, and disloyalty to once great characters/archetypes, TGM is a beacon of light. Mav isn’t some washed out, poor, old, can’t hack it, “wHiTe MaLe” has-been who gets shit on by everyone from his peers to his friends. No, Mav is a badass ace pilot, with the leather jacket and aviators to match and he shows it. And so does the rest of the cast by being right there to learn from and join him.

-Practical/real life effects and stunts: I mean, they put the actors in the damn fighter jets and it shows. What more do you fucking want? Also beautiful stunt work and camera. Unlike the mono-chrome of DUNE or other such films TGM is  alive with colorful/realistic sets and fast paced scene production.

-Great acting; Tom brings it, and so does everyone. Yeah there’s some clunky “its an action movie” dialogue and such, but even then you can tell the cast is hamming it up and loving it. 

-Interesting close out to the story; I hated the idea of a sequel to a film that was obviously a one and done. But, some how they managed to make this work. With the next gen coming into contact with the old experienced one, but each finding a stride and putting away old wounds in the process while F-18′s roar overhead was honestly engaging and edge of the seat worthy.  -Sound/extras/eye candy; See it in Theaters before its gone! Nothing like the sound of a F-18 going Afterburner in surround sound. Great humor sprinkled through out, not fucking MCU “joke a second” dialogue.  Also no shortage of eye candy. Boys get to see some girl aviators blow shit up and play beach football. . Girls get to see all the hard body fly boys and chads doing the same thing, just like the Original. 

Final Verdict:

9/10. The mid section gets slow and grinding due to the need to hit that hated 2hr+ mark, and yeah you can tell this was Cruise/Bruckheimer's baby as Tom is always front and center at the expense of other people’s character development, but that might have been what saved this from being another Last Jedi. Aside from that, FUCK this movie will fly you up to Mach 10 and light your hair on fire. Go see it, And fly right into the Danger Zone.  PS: Val Kilmer is a fucking trooper. So glad he could be in the movie for a cameo. Keep fighting Ice!

[lorbanery]

Skimming through the rancid notes on that Dune/humor post and

uh

people understand that when people complain about jumpscares and talk about how they're bad, cheap, and potentially harmful, they mean outside of the context of things like horror movies, right?

I mean maybe they don't, it's been a while since it was a popular thing, so here, let me explain

Back in the 2000's, when link pranks were all the rage (you know, like rickrolling), one of the more popular pranks was linking people to jumpscare videos. These had nothing to with horror movies. They were short videos, less than a minute long usually, that started out boring, usually of a person or animal doing something completely normal and innocuous. The person sharing the link usually included some clickbaity description that would make you pay really close attention to what was happening during the boring part ("CUTEST CAT IN THE WORLD" "MOST PEOPLE CAN'T SPOT IT" "etc). Then, once it had lulled you into a false sense of security thinking you knew what you were watching, the screen would suddenly cut to a scary image, usually with a loud scream or other loud noise at the same time.

Again, they were pranks, the whole point was to startle people. They started getting backlash because they were genuinely upsetting some people.

Not because jumpscares are inherently bad in every single context. Jumpscares are fine in the context of a horror movie where you're expecting to be startled and scared and can either prepare yourself for it or just not go see the movie if you know it's something that might upset and/or trigger you.

But when someone, be they stranger, acquaintance, or friend presents a link to you as a video where something funny, cute, odd, or unusual happens, you are being deliberately denied the chance to do any mental preparation.

So when you see people talking about jumpscares in horror movies as just normal storytelling tools, there is absolutely no reason to assume they're defending jumpscare pranks. Those are two fundamentally different things.

[moonlight-fan2008]

I’m bored so I’m making a list of 2010-2020 things I think the characters of moonlight would like

Part 1 of idk probably gonna do most of the characters (maybe some of the bad guys), this is just meant to be silly.

Beth:

Any recent documentary that talks about Hollywood’s dark side and sheds light on their awful history. (I think she’d be fascinated and appalled but ultimately happy there is news about this)

Instagram (i think she’d rarely post anything but I think she’d like all the pictures people post of different cultures and places and nature and what not)

Just dance (idk what video-golf is and my google search left me confused (it was just regular golfers and whatnot on a regular field) but she liked that so I think she’d like just dance)

TikTok (I think she’d be very stubborn and try to avoid it but if co-workers keep talking about it she might cave and find herself and true crime tok )

The good place (I think it’d be her little comfort show)

True detective

Downtown Abby

Mick:

Outlander (dork that he is I think he’d like it and kind of relate to both Claire and Jamie for different reasons but I think he’d get embarrassed by the sex scenes)

Red dead redemption games

Call of duty games

911 and 911 lone star (he’d act like he’d hate it because it can be overly dramatic (I love it though) but he’d secretly tune in for every episode)

The Rookie (same as above)

History related shows (I.e AMC’s Turn or the Terror)

Drones

Josef:

True Blood (I think he’d be interested in the concept of that universe)

Game of Thrones and house of the dragon (Sex, nudity, and violence all things he loves lol)

Onlyfans (despite being annoyed with online services for escorts I think he may actually enjoy this one but more so for curiosity sake and not to find partners)

Reality shows (I.e Kardashians or Real Housewives)

King’s men movies

Reign (would never admit it though and would come across it purely accidentally)

Succession

American Horror Story

Logan:

Star Wars: Clone Wars movie and series (it came out 2008 but I think just after moonlight ended)

Rouge One

Bad batch

Bobs burgers (I know this is a random one but I feel like this would be up his alley. Idk why)

What We Do In The Shadows (I think it fits with his humor and he’d be poking fun at it)

Red dead redemption games

Call of duty games

Josh:

Dune 1 & 2

Just Dance or just Wii games in general

The Rookie (I think he’d love Wesley’s character)

Stranger Things

Umbrella Academy

Detective Carl:

911 and 911 lone star (he’d act like he’d hate it because it’s wildly inaccurate but he’d secretly tune in for every episode)

The Rookie (same as above)

Social distancing

Contactless payment and delivery

The walking dead (but only until Negan shows up then he stops watching)

That’s all I got right now. This was just a dumb silly thing to pass the time while I wait for calls.

Until next time. Good night sleep tight

[influencermagazineuk]

March Movie Madness: Must-See Films Captivating Audiences in 2024

As winter bids farewell and spring approaches, movie theaters are blooming with diverse and highly anticipated films. March 2024 promises a thrilling cinematic experience for every taste, from adrenaline-pumping action to heartwarming dramas and captivating fantasies. Here are some of the most awaited releases that are sure to set the box office ablaze: For the Sci-Fi Enthusiasts: - Dune: Part Two (March 15th): After the phenomenal success of the first installment, fans eagerly await the conclusion of Paul Atreides' journey in this epic space opera. Expect stunning visuals, political intrigue, and even more sandworms as the battle for Arrakis intensifies. - Spaceman (March 22nd): This captivating sci-fi drama starring Adam Driver follows an astronaut who embarks on a dangerous mission to a distant star system, grappling with isolation, loss, and the complexities of human connection in the vastness of space. For the Action Seekers: - John Wick: Chapter 5 - Excommunicado (Teaser Expected in March): Keanu Reeves returns as the legendary assassin in another action-packed chapter. This time, John Wick faces new enemies and deadly challenges as he seeks vengeance and redemption within the ever-dangerous world of assassins. - Ghostbusters Frozen Empire (March 29th): The iconic Ghostbusters are back, facing a chilling new threat as they battle a monstrous entity connected to a long-forgotten chapter of New York City's history. Expect a blend of nostalgia, humor, and thrilling ghost-busting action. Image: IMDb For the Animation Aficionados: - Kung Fu Panda 4: The Paws of Destiny (March 8th): Po and the Furious Five return in this highly anticipated animated sequel. This time, they face a formidable new villain who threatens the peace of the Valley of Peace, forcing Po to discover a hidden reserve of strength and wisdom. - Imaginary (March 30th): This heartwarming animated adventure tells the story of a young girl who discovers a magical pencil that allows her drawings to come to life. As her imaginary creations become entangled with the real world, she learns valuable lessons about friendship, acceptance, and the power of imagination. For the Thrill Seekers: - Love Lies Bleeding (March 8th): This neo-noir thriller starring Kristen Stewart and Katie O'Brian follows a reclusive gym manager who becomes entangled in a dangerous relationship with an ambitious bodybuilder. As their bond deepens, dark secrets and hidden motivations come to light, leading to a suspenseful and shocking climax. - The Animal Kingdom (March 15th): This psychological thriller explores the dark side of human nature. Set in a dystopian future where humans are hunted for sport, a group of survivors must fight for their lives while questioning the morality of their actions in a world gone mad. Beyond the Blockbusters: - Frida (Amazon Prime Release - March 14th): This biographical drama delves into the life of the iconic Mexican artist Frida Kahlo, exploring her tumultuous personal life, passionate artistic journey, and unwavering spirit in the face of immense challenges. - 1992 (March 15th): This powerful drama explores the events surrounding the 1992 Los Angeles riots following the Rodney King verdict. Through diverse perspectives, the film sheds light on the social and racial tensions that erupted in the city, sparking important conversations about justice, equality, and the path towards healing. This is just a glimpse into the exciting cinematic landscape of March 2024. With such a diverse range of films catering to various interests, there's something for everyone to enjoy. So, grab your popcorn, dim the lights, and prepare to be transported to new worlds, captivated by compelling stories, and thrilled by the magic of cinema. Read the full article

[alolanroy]

2024 Watch Thread-Part 2

part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/alolanroy/739287467975458816/watch-thread-2024-pt-1

Resident Alien S1: Decent humor and it did a pretty good job of the small town with many interlocking sub-plots vibe. I wouldn't say that it is consistently laugh-out-loud, but you really never know when it'll floor you. I do kind of wish they toned down the attempts at serious drama, because this is a fish-out-of-water alien show, how serious can I take it? 5/10

Helldivers 2 at Launch: It scratches my multiplayer itch. Maybe the trick to making a successful live-service game was to...make it fun? The balancing is just teetering enough to be a blast. I didn't even mind the horrible queueing problems, nonfunctional matchmaking and level breaking bugs once I had half an hour of actual playtime. 8/10

Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger: I'll be honest, in the beginning I was worried we might drop it, but it won me over hard. And I mean maybe my second favorite sentai so far (Donbrothers will remain undefeated for all time). While simplistic, the writing manages to unfurl a web of history, personality and cultural identity. While the choice to film most of it on green screed made it look awful most of the time, the strong writing and acting pulled it through, especially in the later chapters where the reveals kept getting bigger and the characterization swings. Personal favorites are Kaguragi's backstory, which feels out of a proper prestige drama and the two-parter on earth. It saves up its budget and goes ham. 9/10

Forbidden Planet: While I find a lot of this movie repulsive for its 50's-ass gender politics, I choose to say 'wow, cool robot'. I see why Robbie is iconic and was disappointed by how little of him I got. Its tedious pacing makes me appreciate how Star Trek TOS distilled this formula into the blueprint for great TV. (Sidenote: I gotta figure out where this ancient alien megastructure vibe comes from. I feel like a lot of dwemmer related skyrim mods are repeating this without knowing it.) -4/10

Ice Station Zebra: Nice of them to start the plot in the second half after the intermission. For such a basic thriller, they seem to think this was a cinematic event with all of its intermission cards and posturing. Did they think the submarine set was worth half the runtime? I find its red-scare politics kind of pathetic and I've seen more complex thrillers air on Cartoon Network on weekdays. 3/10

Ultraman Geed the Movie: Connect! The Wishes!!: A team of scientists distilled tokusatsu summer movies into a thick paste and molded it into the shape of a tourism ad for Okinawa. The results made me cancel my plans to watch the ultraman movies and doubt if I actually like Geed. 1/10

Skyrim: Midwood Isle: Really impressive stuff here. A good variety of locations and a satisfying main quest. The reveal of a mirror map filled with locations and daedric realms really got me excited. The only downside is that some of the back and forth with the mainland got old and the LOTD patch didn't work. I'm a little surprised this doesn't get talked up more. 8/10

Dune Part II: Incredible watch. Gorgeous visuals and really strong performances all around. Great cinematography and violent sound design really made me FEEL the power (the lackluster theater speakers could barely handle it). I do feel a lot was lost in the cracks though and didn't hit as hard as the first, but boy am I glad I saw it. 8/10

The Mummy Demastered: This is a very good video game. An efficient love letter to metroidvanias (and boy I can see the metroid) with some neat ideas and that Wayforward polish. If you like these sorts of games, what are you doing here? Go play it! The paired-back scale means none of the ideas get old, and none of the backtracking is egregious. But my real favorite spin was the varied and interconnected environments that flowed so well together. 8/10

On a sidenote: this really feels like a mirror into another universe where the Dark Universe actually took off. In a way, it made me more excited for it than the actual movie. It made me wistfully muse about what might have been (committee driven slop movies)

Born to Fight (2004): This movie occupies the same part of my brain as RRR. I'll overlook almost any nationalism if resolves in an hour-long string of white-knuckle Olympic sport action. Genuinely some of the most insane stunts I've seen committed to film. My watch group was hooting and hollering! 8/10

Death Code Ninja: Sometimes Godfrey Ho's chop-shop ninja movies are an ironic good time. This is not one of those times. It couldn't hold any of our interests. -3/10

Blue Submarine No. 6: This owns. It was so continually visually interesting and the art so distinct I didn't even mind the early CG. Sure a few threads might have been underdeveloped, but I admire how much of a non-traditional ending it had. Conclusiveness doesn't have to come from nukes and resolution doesn't have to be on screen. Honestly, good on them for redirecting most of the strange sexual energy to the fish girl, though I don't know how to feel about her role in the end. 8/10

Ninja Knight: Thunder Fox: man this sucked. At least two white guys in ninja outfits killed each other with shotguns at the end. -2/10

Money Plane: Just because it could be a whole lot worse doesn't mean it couldn't have been a whole lot better. Try having your wrestlers have action sequences that let them fight good. -5/10

Chop Socky Chooks: Sometimes we put bad TV on the wheel to see what would happen. Apparently, these things are supposed to be chickens, but without any form of exposition or attempt to set the stage in the first episode, I can't really say. I don't know which is worse, the radiation of vague racism or how aggressively bad this is on 'TV you watched when you are home sick from school' standards. -2/10

Gridman Universe: It's hard to talk about gridman without going on a series of digressions about the purpose of fiction, growth and the Ultraman Fandom. Most of it I would describe as some cute fan service without much meat, and a plot that just kinda happens. But my cynicism melted away in the final act. Man, I love the passion in these designs. 7/10

Werewolf Santa: I felt nothing. 2/10

Undertale Yellow: Perhaps my standards for fangames have gotten a bit high, but I was a little disappointed. There are some good gags, don't get me wrong, but the overall energy kinda drags. I don't think it helps that the boss battles are more transparently endurance tests for the defense minigames. I never felt like I was talking them down, just that I was letting them monologue at me until they let me go. Maybe it pulls some zingers in the last half but I can't bring myself to care. 3/10

American Ultra: This might be Black Panther for stoners, but to me, it is just Max Landis's wish fulfillment. the half hour we stomached felt longer than some seasons of netflix. 3/10

Thankskilling 3: Possibly one of the biggest delights of the year. Extrapolating from Thankskilling 1, I was worried this would be the bad kind of self-aware. Instead, the watch party was floored by the tireless barrage of joyful camp. They cracked the code, just mixed up the bits enough so that another gets old and washed it over with cinematography good enough that it too becomes a joke. I'll give this the rare +/-8 for being legitimately great and entertainingly bad (intentionally)

Viking Seige: First of all I feel lied to. This poster is nonsense. There were no dragons or longboats. Instead, it is a single-set zombie 'thriller' that would have been alright under normal circumstances. Still, the overall momentum isn't really there and the quality of performances is uneven. 4/10

Los Campeones de Justicieros (1971): Luchadors, little people, mad scientists, and non-stop jazz. Especially non-stop jazz when it is least appropriate. -7/10

Spy Kids Armageddon: This isn't nostalgia for the originals speaking, this was just a legitimately inferior product. The design philosophy of making a movie with everything a kid could want but camp for the adults is absent. Netflix original tier. -4/10

Zone of the Enders Dolores, i: The first act had me nearly drop the show. The worldbuilding was sloppy and the character design and environments were totally incongruous with the sci-fi setting this was supposed to be selling. However, when it remembered it was supposed to be a space opera, the show became much more watchable. By the end I was surprised how attached I had become. 7/10. It would've been higher if the beginning wasn't so tough.

Zone of the Enders 2167 Idolo: The story that it has is good, but it sure is in a rush to have it over. What I find interesting is that in many ways this is one of the more complicated mecha designs that Sunrise animated towards the end of the cell era. It makes me a bit sad now knowing how much of a downgrade the early Digipaint sequel is from a visual standpoint. 7/10

Godzilla X Kong The New Empire: THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN! I initially recoiled at the possible return of the podcasting gang, but all returning characters benefit from a more solid group dynamic that avoids the cringe the series hadn't quite shaken. The monster madness is as camp as it comes, but I the cinematography made me feel like I was having a panic attack with all the rotating. 7/10

MacGyver: I bounced right off this. Maybe it gets better in later seasons, but the pilot and the first batch after that were cheesy in a bad way. I don't like Anderson's accent and the vibes are too cartoon-drug-psa-episode. It could barely hold my attention 4/10

Battle Beyond the Stars: Forgot to add this one. I've seen enough 7 samurai 'in space' but the cast was varied enough be counteract the dull male lead with the fun factor. 6/10

Outer Wilds: Few games out there are real originals. And I'm glad to have played as much as I did. I've given the writing major props for making this silly setting feel real and consistent. A personal highlight was landing on the sun cannon station first try without knowing what it was because of my raw uncut skill. However, I don't really feel like definitively scoring on this one since I paused playing it for about a year right before getting to the finishing sequence. I honestly had no idea how to pick things up again. It felt like I ruined it for myself and resorted to watching a playthrough of the end. I'd probably say maybe a 7-8? A few of the environments cross the bridge between exciting to traverse to dull and maze-y wandering.

Lensman (1984): Gorgeous, and occasionally kind of charming, but not enough to overcome the general malaise of the non-starter plot. The vague Heroes-Journey shaped plot doesn't bother to explain what a lensman is or what the titular lens does until the final moments. There wasn't really enough there to not make sense. It almost says something about how resistance can take many shapes, even insignificant ones, but I almost feel like it does so on accident. 5/10

[clapperboardtalk]

IT STAINS THE SANDS RED

It Stains the Sands Red (2016): A Desert Dance with Death (and a Zombie)

Movie Specs:

Title: It Stains the Sands Red

Genre: Horror, Thriller

Year: 2016

Country: Canada

Plot Twist (Spoiler-Free): Picture this: a sun-scorched desert wasteland, a lone stripper named Molly (Brittany Allen) in a beat-up car, and a single, relentless zombie on her tail. Not your typical road trip, right? This ain't your average zombie flick either. Molly and her undead stalker engage in a bizarre cat-and-mouse chase across the dunes, forced to confront not just the apocalypse, but also their own demons. Buckle up for a wild ride of survival, desperation, and maybe even a touch of Stockholm Syndrome (don't worry, I won't spoil the surprises!).

Acting Powerhouse in a One-Woman Show (Almost): With a cast smaller than a zombie's vocabulary, the pressure was on Allen to deliver. And deliver she did! Her portrayal of Molly's grit, vulnerability, and even twisted humor is raw and captivating. You'll feel her sweat in the scorching desert, her fear when the zombie gets too close, and her surprising resilience in the face of the impossible. The supporting cast, though limited, also shines with natural performances that ground the story.

Camera Work: A Scorching Masterpiece: Forget CGI-laden hordes of zombies. This film's beauty lies in its simplicity. The vastness of the desert is captured with breathtaking cinematography, making you feel the oppressive heat and the isolation Molly faces. The camera work isn't just pretty; it's a character itself, subtly reflecting Molly's emotional journey. Plus, the gore, while minimal, is impactful, adding just the right amount of shock value.

My Two Cents (and 5 Stars!): This is a zombie film unlike any other. It's a character study, a thriller, and even a dark comedy rolled into one. The acting is phenomenal, the visuals are stunning, and the story, while unconventional, will leave you thinking long after the credits roll. Sure, it could benefit from a bit more backstory on Molly and some scenes felt a tad strange, but hey, that's what makes it unique! It's a hidden gem in the zombie genre, and I highly recommend it (just don't expect a typical brain-munching fest).

Bonus: What the World Thinks: Critics were generally split, with some praising its originality and others finding it too slow or bizarre. But hey, that's the beauty of film, right? As for the box office, well, let's just say it wasn't a blockbuster. With a budget of a mere $350,000, it raked in just over $3,500. But hey, sometimes the best things come in small packages (and with limited budgets).

Fun Fact: Did you know the film's title was inspired by a line from the classic zombie flick "Dawn of the Dead"? Now you do!

So, there you have it. Go forth, watch "It Stains the Sands Red," and prepare to be surprised by a zombie film that's more than just brains and blood. You might just find yourself dancing with death in the desert alongside Molly. Just remember the sunscreen!

[gchoate17]

I watched 25 movies in 2023 – down from 30 last year. Here they are, ranked in order. 

Cherry

Fantastic story, well told. It covered a lot of ground in a short time and made me believe everything. Despite the bad decision, I never stopped pulling for him. Tom Holland crushed it.

2. Tetris

I love these stories that pull the curtain back on pop culture phenomena. An enthralling sprint from start to finish.

3. I, Tonya

Nice job of showing the other side of the story. I felt some empathy for “the monster.” Also, I wasn’t expecting to laugh, but I laughed multiple times.

4. Dune (2021)

It’s always impressive when someone creates a new world that seems to add up. The story is set, now show me the sequel.

5. White Noise

Intellectual and quirky, but ridiculous, in a good way. But it also feels a little too unhinged. Adam Driver crushes it.

6. The Beanie Bubble

Zach Galifinakis’s best performance? Enough of a true story to give me the satisfaction of learning something while also pointing to the ridiculous nature of American capitalism in the 1990s.

7. On the Rocks

Bill Murray and his character carry it.

8. Barbie

Stylistically, really fun. Concept, fantastic. Kate McKinnon and Michael Cera’s characters are the best part of the movie. It was also nice to see so many actors from Sex Education. Of course, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling were fantastic as well. Overall, the was good, but it certainly didn’t measure up to the hype (and how could it). My only real complaint comes with when they have all been enlightened and they name all of the problems with society, which is a little too on the nose for me. We got it without being told.

9. Narvik

I’ve been into Dutch things lately, and I always like a new perspective on World War II, but I wouldn’t say this one is a can’t-miss.

10. Seven Kings Must Die

SPOILER ALERT: I feel like I couldn't get into the movie because legitimately the only person I was pulling for at the end was Uhtred. King Athelstan was a dumbass who deserved to die. All the kings who got duped into allying with the evil Dane guy made the move I would have made. Moral of the story: War is terrible. But that final shot of the Great Hall was awesome.

11. Parasite

Kind of funny. A little too far-fetched.

12. This is Where I Leave You

Weak story, great actors.

13. Air

I know why they did it, but it was a mistake to make a movie about Air Jordans without Michael Jordan.

14. Blood & Gold

I couldn’t buy that what happened in that small town didn’t alert larger authorities. In that way, it was a lot like Three Kings, but less humorous.

15. Those People

I am writing this review months after I watched the movie and even after watching the trailer, I have no recollection of ever seeing this movie, but in my notes I gave it three stars, so I’m putting it at the end of my three-star movies for the year.

16. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Loved the first half-ish, and the acting was great, but – as is with most action mind-benders – when anything can happen because the filmmakers aren’t bound by the rules of reality, it felt completely out of control by the end.

17. The Covenant

Movies that pretend like you can move about freely in war are out of touch with reality. But I do love a battle-buddy flick.

18. Raymond & Ray

A little absurd, but Ethan Hawke and Ewan McGregor are always likable.

19. To Leslie

Predictable addiction story. Bad Southern accents.

20. Midsommar

A horror film, but replace the dark aesthetic with light. Immature characters who ignore all the red flags.

21. The Wonder

SPOILER ALERT: Eerie and intriguing, but my investment diminished once the jig was up. I don’t buy that a devout little girl like that would just walk away.

22. Greyhound

SPOILER ALERT: Decent action sequences at sea, but not enough background for any of it to really mean anything. Elizabeth Shue needed to come back, for sure. Otherwise, why have her play the role?

23. Dead for a Dollar

I’m a Christoph Waltz fan, but this one was full of melodrama.

24. The Incident (1967)

None of the characters do what they should and there was no payoff. I did enjoy seeing those actors in the early stages of their career, though.

25. The Menu

I want to know how Ralph Fiennes, Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicholas Hoult, and John Leguizamo got trapped in this stupid-ass movie.

See previous years’ lists here: 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017.

[tonystarktogo]

Could I pretty pretty please get some more on the time travel crack au? Maybe when it gets out that Steve, Bruce, andThor are technically from the future?

As much as I’d love to jump to that part, I think it’s funnier necessary to cover a few other tidbits first. For example:

Tony misses whatever discussion follows Thor’s -- hah, got it right in one, he hasn’t lost his touch completely yet -- arrival before the god carries his brother off towards a containment cell with the sort of cheer that causes Tony to carefully keep at least two people between himself and Thor, lest the asshole tries to hug him again.

Not that it can be that big a loss considering they all -- sans Loki -- end up back in the command center of the helicarrier, where Fury glares balefully at the most recent invader of his precious aircraft that clearly isn’t meant to stand in the way of gods.

A glare Thor aggressively doesn’t notice. Likely because he’s too busy partaking in the on-going discussion on what to do next.

And by ‘what to do next’ Tony doesn’t mean the expected we-were-invaded-by-a-mindcontrolled-alien-nutbag-and-there’s-probably-more-out-there-seems-like-the-kind-of-oh-shit-situation-we-should-plan-for. No. That would be reasonable and expected and Tony’s spent all of three hours in the company of the esteemed Captain America and already he can tell you that Rogers is none of that.

[Which, not cool, Capsicle. Dazzling and befuddling people with crazily brilliant ideas is his job.]

[continues under the cut]

So far, Tony’s been paying attention for ten minutes. In that time, Rogers and Thor have gotten into an argument over how to handle Loki -- which holy shit, that went from a calm, rational discussion to a battle to the death between two superhumans on a sugar high in zero point four seconds -- that Tony is so not gonna touch. [Nope. Let some other fool [i.e. Rogers] throw himself head-first into norse god family drama, Tony’s own feelings concerning his family are complicated enough.] That conversation devolved into a not-openly-fighting-while-totally-fighting stand-off between Rogers and Banner over a way too bitter comment from the latter [something about ‘you’d know all about choosing one brother over the other, wouldn’t you’ which what?], which in turn gets derailed by Banner needling Thor about the merits of beheading over stabbing.

Romanoff had the good sense to disappear -- probably to interrogate Loki while his apparently protective big brother is distracted, now that Tony thinks about it. 

Unfortunately that still leaves Tony stuck here, having to play the role of the mature adult because no one else fucking will. Tony hates being responsible. It’s like being back in high school and being left to do all the work on your own in group project.

[Tony failed that project. Got a straight up zero on purpose because spite is a wonderful motivator. Which, now that Tony thinks about it, doesn’t say anything promising about the current situation.]

Tony leans even further back in his seat, only balancing on the backlegs of the chair, to give Fury a very sharp, very judgemental look.

These are the people you’re betting Earth’s survival on, that look says.

Fury’s already pissed off expression darkens further, which brightens Tony mood substantially. That one of the suit’s sensors flashes green twice in quick succession less than a minute later really just makes for a delicious cherry on the top. Or more precisely a good excuse to ditch this trainwreck of a match-making attempt.

“Whoops,” Tony says, clearly audible but not too loud to draw real attention from the three [still arguing-while-pretending-not-to] stooges on the other end of the room. “Looks like I gotta take this call.”

He jiggles his fingers at Fury. The guy rolls his eyes -- probably jealous that he doesn’t have an excuse himself, that bitch face doesn’t fool Tony -- but no one tries to stop him.

“Alright, J, what do you have for me?”

*

Tony pretends not to notice the shuffling footsteps. Glances at the disturbingly normal clock on the wall that is so not up-to-date with the rest of the technology in the room, it must be an inside joke. Tony would love to meet the SHIELD agent behind it -- it can’t be easy, being the only person with a sense of humor in an entire agency.

30 minutes.

Well. That’s longer than Tony thought he’d get. JARVIS still hasn’t cracked the last layer on SHIELD’s really fucked up dirt -- and given what he’s already found, that says a lot -- but it’s only a matter of time now. Besides, Tony’s got a job to do.

“To- Stark.”

“Rogers.”

Tony doesn’t turn. Neither does he stop typing.

“What are you doing?”

Tony scoffs. He’s not in the mood to pander to inferior minds -- not when they’re so fucking frustrating, don’t make any sense and worst of all make him do all the work. 

“He’s tracking the Tesseract, using the scepter as a point of reference,” Banner says after taking one look at the screen over Tony’s shoulder.

Tony raises his eyebrows, impressed despite himself. Banner’s credentials clearly don’t do him justice -- and they were pretty damn good to begin with.

“Huh,” says Rogers.

Thanks for playing. Now buckle down and make yourself useful or fuck off, Tony wants to snipe but doesn’t get the chance to because the gods -- this god at least -- just aren’t on his side.

“Even without my brother’s help, a weapon of the tesseract’s might should not be underestimated,” Thor speaks up. “Should we not make haste and collect it?”

"Great idea.” Tony’s voice is dryer than the sand dune he crash-landed in back during his fun little trip to Afghanistan. “If only I’d thought of that instead of inventing fifteen new algorithms to try and get a read on SHIELD’s precious magic eight ball while you were busy defending your brother’s honor. Speaking of, I’m pretty sure Romanoff is a greater danger to his virtue than Captain Shockfreeze over there, so why are you still here?”

Okay, maybe poking the hornet nest that is godly family isn’t his smartest move [didn’t he just say he wasn’t gonna touch that?!] but damn if Tony isn’t curious. And also too annoyed to care about unimportant, subjective things like good manners and tact.

He sort of regrets his cavalier attitute a little when Thor sobers. At least there are no tears in sight. Tony is the last person on Earth who should be left unsupervised around crying people. It just never ends well.

“Ah.” Thor sighs heavily, stems his body against an unfortunate table that creaks dangerously. "I’m afraid I can’t afford to see my brother right now.”

It’s the way he says those words, the weight they carry more than anything that tells Tony he needs to drop this issue right now. Talk about one huge trigger button.

Must be inconvenient to have siblings. Tony totally can’t relate.

“Well, in that case, unless you have a magic trick with which you can pull the Tesseract’s position out of your sleeve, how about you sit as far away from these delicate instruments as possible and don’t touch anything while I work my magic, hm?”

Tony doesn’t let his gaze linger on the crushed edge of the table. Thor hasn’t even seemed to notice. He’s too busy lighting up at Tony’s snappish response. Which is surprising. Tony’s aware he’s a bit of an asshole right now. In his defence, he’s an asshole most of the time.

Rogers leaps across the room -- almost crashing into the previously mentioned delicate sensors as he does so -- to slap his palm over Thor’s mouth.

Tony stares. [How quickly can you develop a new habit again? Because this starts to feel like a new habit.]

“That sounds like a great plan!” Rogers beams at him, so wide and fake it must be physically painful for the epitome of all that is good and holy. At least Tony hopes it is. The supersoldier his father worshipped is still clinging to their resident god of thunder’s face.

It’s.

Tony resolutely turns his back on both of them because their madness doesn’t seem to come with a refund-ticket and if Tony doesn’t finish this program, no one will.

Not even Banner -- whom Tony had been kind of hoping for. Speaking of, the man’s been awfully quiet for a while now.

“You alright there, Brucie-Bear?” Tony turns around -- a little because it’s polite to face people when you talk with them and mostly to have an excuse not to watch the ongoing doomed wrestle-match between Blonde 1 and Blonde 2. His awesome nicknaming skill doesn’t get so much as a twitch.

To be fair, Banner is so busy staring straight ahead with the most epic rendition of the World’s Most Thoughtful Expression™ Tony has seen in a while that it doesn’t seem like the man heard him. At all.

Until he suddenly speaks up.

“I think we’ve forgotten something.” Behind Tony the impromptu wrestling comes to a sudden halt.

Probably something negligible like how to focus on a mission, the sarcastic voice in the back of Tony’s mind drawls. Though it should be noted that Tony’s consciousness only comes in sarcastic or not at all. Sorry, everyone, all the other flavors are out.

Banner’s frown deepens. “Something- Something important.”

Right on cue an explosion rocks the aircraft.

*

There’s a bit more tension in this part than the previous ones. On Tony’s side it’s because he’s smart enough to pick up on Something Is Seriously Wrong, both consciously and subconsciously and also because he feels the pressure what with everyone else apparently not taking this whole thing very seriously.

[Excluding Natasha who, believe me, takes Clint’s fate very serious indeed.]

On our time travellers’ side, they experience the frustration of being unable to talk openly, surrounded by people they don’t trust, trying to play along to the script of a movie they watched like 12 years ago and never revisited. Needless to say they’re failing horrenduously.