#just the mention of a circus has now gotten the song stuck in my head

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Don’t wanna say I told you so but…I TOLD YOU SO LMAOOO

Im starting to understand why hanma liked kisaki so much. Your blog is really entertaining.

Circus vibes 🎪

-no.1

I know! I know you tried to warn me but I didn't listen.

WE'RE A CIRCUS NOW!? I'M THE CLOWN AREN'T I?

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► alarm.

date(s): 25 july - 20 august 2020 mentions of: soo (very briefly, like, literally once) word count: 1,439 warnings: n/a details: a solo for the first two episodes of our songs filming, mainly focussed on the creative process behind writing alarm.

‘i’m feeling pretty confident’ had been one of jaewon’s closing remark when they had interviewed him as they had finished the first day of filming when they had just received the mission.

of course, that was a big fucking lie.

jaewon’s confidence was nowhere to be found, neither were any actual ideals as to how to tackle the mission. all there was was the overwhelming anxiety about how he was going to mess this up, how he was gonna fail before he even got to properly try.

a song that would convince everyone to listen to his music, that had to be a damn joke right? jaewon couldn’t name a single reason as to why anyone should listen to his music, he just made something that sounded good to his own ears and hoped anyone would share the sentiment. the longer he thought about it, the more he felt like truly he had nothing to do on this show.

what had he gotten himself into?

-----------------------------------------------------

the thing was, jaewon wasn’t a composer. he had dabbled around in it a little bit but none of it had ever been shared with the world and that was for a very simple reason, he didn’t think his work was anywhere near professional enough to be released for other people to hear.

dimensions entertainment seemed to agree with that, which was why the had put him in one of the companies many studios with one of the in-house producers.

(a part of jaewon felt like this was cheating. surely, plenty of the other contestants possessed the skill to manage the entire creative process behind their songs themselves. didn’t that in itself mean they were much more talented than he was? what did they still need this fucking show for?)

“the theme is identity right?” the producer asked. he knew the man decently well, they’d worked together on a few songs through the years which at least meant that he was familiar with jaewon’s music to some degree. “so what of your currently released songs describes your identity the most? that should give us a decent starting point for creating an instrumental you can work with.”

jaewon’s eyebrows furrowed together at the question. a long, silent moment passing as he contemplated the answer. “anything from biorhythm.” he responded, expression wry as he remembered his last album, what a mess that had been. “roommates only or still if you want me to get specific.”

“and you want another song like those on biorhythm?” the producer asked. it was a fair question. if there was one thing jaewon had been guilty of so far with his music it was probably getting stuck in his comfort zone, any songs that he had a big creative input in had always been written for himself, not because he had been tasked to do so but because they came easily to him. he had yet to really branch out of that safe zone.

but this mission was about his identity and if anything described his identity well, it was probably the biorhythm album.

“yeah, for now i do.” jaewon admitted with a light nod. “might i actually manage to get somewhere on this show i can worry about experimenting or thinking outside the box or whatever.” if he would even get that far and with how it was going so far, jaewon didn’t know if he dared to hope for that. “for now i think i need something familiar, something that fits in well with the rest of my music.” in an afterthought he added “like, my actual music, not whatever dimensions decided my sound was for that cluster fuck of a last album.” and the comment earned him a humored scoff from the producer before they got to work.

they ended up working way longer than the initially scheduled studio time, evening bleeding into the night before either of them really realized it. but the hard work paid off because by the time he bids the producer a good night and goes home, jaewon has the bare bones of a song. so far, the track was a gentle piano tune that blended into a deep, more electronic bass sound in the chorus that added to the overarching melancholic feel of the song.

most importantly, it sounded like his song. the producer had painstakingly made sure that every sound, every beat had been to jaewon’s liking, perfectly tailored to a song that sounded so entirely his that it felt like the man had been reading his mind. only it sounded better than anything jaewon could have ever made with his own two hands.

it managed to calm his nerve some, having a solid starting point to start working from. maybe, this wasn’t doomed to go wrong after all, maybe jaewon could manage to stand his ground in this competition after all. for the first episodes then at least.

also, he really owed this poor producer something for keeping him up till like 3 am.

-----------------------------------------------------

logically, the next step was to write the lyrics, simple enough right?

except it wasn’t.

it hadn’t been for a lack of trying, there had been multiple days so far where jaewon had locked himself in his home studio, trying to force himself to write the damn song already with very little success. there had been a few drafts, all of which he had abandoned long before they could really take a solid shape. none of it was simply good enough.

how was he gonna prove himself as a songwriter if he couldn’t even write one fucking song?

the biggest problem was that jaewon was slowly running out of time. he had told himself to make sure he had the bulk of his work done by the 7th of august. not because he would be pushing the deadline too soon otherwise, hell, the final version didn’t have to be in till the 30th. but unity made their comeback on the 7th (their first one in over a year) and jaewon knew it would take a huge toll on the time he had to write, he had to be done before then.

instead, the 7th came and went without a single lyric written.

it was the 12th already (or maybe technically the 13th already judging by how late at night it was) when he found time to withdraw himself into his home studio again and truth be told, jaewon had little faith he would actually be able to get anything done. he was absolutely drained, the day had been long and hectic and judging from the fact he had to do the whole circus over again the next day as well, starting way too early in the damn morning, he probably direly needed his sleep.

god, all jaewon wanted was to sleep in, just one day, no alarms or anything.

now wait a damn minute…

maybe tonight would amount to something after all.

for someone that had been so lethargic mere minutes ago, jaewon managed to pull up audio file of the track in mere seconds, listening to the instrumental in it’s entirety a time or two, tapping his fingers along on the desk to the music before he began writing.

don’t set it today alarm, alarm, alarm, close, close, close your eyes

he finished the entire first draft that night, only forcing himself to put the pen down so he would at least sleep. the irony of the situation mocked him as he put his alarm for 6am before getting in bed and wrapping himself around soo for a mere 2 hours of sleep but he didn’t dwell on it.

-----------------------------------------------------

it took him another two late night sessions to finish up the lyrics for the final product but truth be told, said studio time was divided between nearly falling asleep and actually writing as unity’s promotions began to weight down on him harder the more they progressed.

not that there was much of a rush. the official recording was only scheduled for the 20th of august to incorporate whatever working points that had come from the live preview he had given during filming a few days earlier into the final version of the song.

he was yet again aided by the same producer that he had been working with before, the one that had so kindly composed the instrumental for him. “you ready?” the man asked through microphone connecting to the recording booth.

“yeah, yeah let’s do this.” jaewon responded, words followed with a half-hearted thumbs up before adjusting the headphones on his head. he looked almost confident in the whole thing.

almost.

[squirrellybaby67]

Little Ditty About Jackie & Diane (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Jackie starts off her trial period with the Winchester Brothers and moving into the bunker is step one.

Word Count: 2,590

Warnings: Language, Fluff

Heat of the Moment - Asia

"So glad you didn't change your mind overnight," Sam said as he opened the door to the bunker to let me in.

"I thought about it," I shrugged.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't," he smiled. "Ready for the grand tour?"

Sam showed me around the bunker, the extensive library, infirmary, shooting range, armory, kitchen, and bathrooms before stopping in front of a door with the number 15 on it. "This can be your room," he said before opening the door. "I'm right down this way in room 22 and Dean is over there in room 11. Jack's in room 23, he and Cas should be back this afternoon," he said as I walked into the room and sat my bags down on the bed.

"You haven't even shown her the best part, Sammy," Dean said as he leaned against the doorframe of my room. "Come on, let me show you where the real magic is." The bunker was a hunters dream, but the garage was something right out of my dreams. The moment the florescent lights hummed to life and showed me the wonders inside I was hooked and that smug look on Dean's face said he knew he found a way into my world. "It's a beauty isn't it?" he asked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the railing.

"These cars....." I trailed off before walking over to the classic 1956 Ford T-bird. I walked around it slowly, my fingers gently gliding along the smooth metal. The green color was definitely not my favorite, but the condition of the car was so impeccable, it was impossible to be mad at it. "I guess the Men of Letters were Ford guys," I smiled as I walked over to the midnight blue 1934 V8 Ford. "This is the same type of car Bonnie and Clyde died in," I mused, hearing Dean's footsteps coming up behind me.

"Wanna be the Bonnie to my Clyde?" His deep sing-song voice sent a shiver down my spine and I turned around to face him. He was leaning against the post closest to where I was, hands tucked into his back pockets, his eyebrows raised, and his full lips quirked at one side in an adorable grin.

"I don't feel like going out in a blaze of glory just yet. I still have some living to do." I chuckled before making my way over to look at the vintage motorcycles on the other side of the room.

"You can always park Diane in here," Dean said as he walked towards his Impala in the middle of the room. "I'm sure Baby wouldn't mind the company," he added as he leaned against the hood and gave it a caring rub.

"I may take you up on that offer," I grinned. "She could use a bath first. She's quite the dirty girl."

Dean coughed as if he had choked on air and I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my throat. "You can....ah.....wash her in here," Dean said as he pointed over to an empty area that was equipped with a hose and drain. "The water pressure here is top notch. You'll get a nice wash."

"Good to know," I nodded, taking one last glance around the room and heading for the stairs back to the bunker.

"So why Diane?" Dean asked as he followed me back to the kitchen.

"I take it you aren't a Mellencamp fan?" I retorted as I grabbed two beers from the fridge.

"You're kidding, right?" Dean laughed, "Is your whole life a joke?"

"It was my Dad's favorite song, asshole," I replied with a death-glare. "But thanks for that," I said, trying to hide the hurt in my voice. I slammed the open beer I had gotten him down on the counter in front of him. It immediately started foaming and I walked away as Dean scrambled to put the beer to his lips before there was a huge mess.

~~~

"Jackie," Sam's voice asked through my locked room door.

"Hey," I said as I opened the door. "Oh, Hi there," I said to the teenage boy standing at Sam's side.

"Hi, I'm Jack," he smiled widely. "You are Jackie?"

"I am," I smiled back to the enthusiastic young man. "Nice to meet you, Jack." I stuck my hand out for him to shake and he took it quickly, shaking it vigorously, making me laugh.

"Jack and Cas just got back," Sam explained, "I was about to go get us all some lunch and wanted to see if you wanted to come."

"I'll drive," I grinned, itching to get some pavement beneath my wheels after being in the bunker all morning.

"I'll go see what Dean wants," Jack said, the smile on his face never wavering.

"Leave in five?" Sam asked and I gave him a nod before turning to go put my black chucks on.

~~~

"You and Dean seem to be getting along well," Sam said as we pulled onto the main road.

"We were," I replied, keeping my eyes on the road.

"Were?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's nothing. I'll get over it eventually," I shrugged.

"He's not as bad as he seems, I promise," Sam said as I parked the car at our destination. "He may be one of the best hunters I've ever seen, but he's a big teddy bear under all that rugged exterior," he said as he held the door open for me to enter the fast food joint. "If he said something to upset you, believe me when I say he's probably beating himself up more about it than you could. He has a knack for putting his foot in his mouth......a lot," he smirked.

We ordered the food we needed for us all and headed back out to Diane to head back to the bunker. "I'll show you how to get to the garage when we get back," Sam said as he climbed into the passenger seat. I mused on if Dean had mentioned to Sam about parking Diane in the garage, but decided against broaching the subject.

~~~

Just as promised Sam had shown me the entrance to the garage. After parking Diane in front of the Impala, we walked back into the bunker, arms full of drinks and bags of food. "Here, let me get that for ya," Dean said as he grabbed two overstuffed bags from my arms.

"Dean, only one sandwich," Sam shouted as he walked through the doorway behind me.

"Come on," Dean sighed as he stopped rummaging through one of the bags. "I'm a warrior, I need to eat!"

"If you are still hungry after you have your burger and fries, I got an extra salad that you can have," Sam said as he started pulling out all of the food and setting them at each spot on the table.

"I said I need to eat, Sam, not nibble," Dean retorted making Sam roll his eyes.

"Jack!" Sam shouted and the young boy came into the room shortly after.

"So Jack, you seem too young to be a hunter already, what got you started into this life?" I asked as we all sat down for our meal.

"He was born into it," Dean answered for him, "And he's not too young. Hell, I was hunting in junior high."

"How old are you Jack?" I asked, looking back at the bubbly young man.

"Two," Jack smiled as he chewed the food in his mouth.

"Pardon me?" I asked, nearly choking on my food.

"I'm two," Jack repeated before taking another bite of his burger.

"Ok, am I hearing this right, you are only two?" I asked, looking around the table for someone to please explain.

"He's a nephilim," A rough voice from behind me answered.

"Jackie, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Jackie. She's going to be staying with us for a few days," Sam introduced us as I turned to look at the man standing behind me in a trenchcoat. He had appeared from what seemed to be nowhere.

"Hi," Castiel nodded, his face showing no emotion, before continuing on to explain what exactly Jack was. "He's half human, half angel."

"My mom's name was Kelly and my dad's name was Lucifer," Jack added before grabbing the trash off of the table and heading down the hallway to take it to the kitchen.

"Lucifer," I paused, "Like Satan himself, Lucifer?" I asked, looking over at Sam, who I was sure could see the shock on my face.

"You know any other Lucifers?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow before popping a fry into his mouth.

"Not today, Satan," I replied, giving him a pointed look which earned a chuckle from Sam.

"Don't worry, Jackie. Jack is not anything like his father," Sam said as he cleaned up the trash from his lunch.

"I sure hope not," I mumbled before taking the last bite of my burger.

"You going to finish those?" Dean asked, pointing to my fries.

"Touch my food and I will shave your eyebrows off while you sleep," I nearly growled.

"Duly noted," Dean murmured before standing up from the table and heading down the hallway where Sam and Jack had went.

"It would be quite funny to see Dean without eyebrows," Castiel smiled before turning to follow Dean out of the room.

~~~

"Hey, can we talk?" Dean's voice shook me from my thoughts as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling.

"Depends, you plan on putting your foot in your mouth again?" I asked, scooting up in my bed to rest my back against the headboard. Dean smirked, knowing I had called him on his dickhead comment from earlier in the day. "Or were you wanting to put your head up your own ass and show off?" I added, making him lift an eyebrow with a slight frown before shaking his head. He leaned against the door-frame with his arms crossed over his chest, giving me a chance to keep on with my string of insults. "You know you missed your calling, being capable of doing both would've gotten you a nice contortionist gig in the circus." I smirked. Dean dropped his head, looking at the floor and shaking his head while a full blown smile blossomed on his face.

"Are you done now?" He asked, looking up from under those thick eyelashes, his eyes a vibrant shade of green.

"I don't know. Are you going to line up any more home runs for me?" I shrugged.

Dean smiled before shifting his hip against the door frame and pushing off of it to walk into the center of my room, "Calm down, Slugger," he chuckled. I watched him as he slowly shifted his weight from one foot to the other while looking at the floor, shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. "I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, Jackie," Dean said, taking a step closer to the foot of my bed.

"I know," I shrugged.

"So we're good?" Dean asked.

"We're good," I nodded.

"Ok, good, because I'm gonna need you having my back on this hunt we are about to go on," Dean said as he walked towards the door.

"And here I was thinking you wanted me to have your front," I chuckled.

Dean turned giving me a lopsided grin before turning back to walk back down the hall. "We're leaving in ten minutes," he shouted back at me.

~~~

"I'm riding with Jackie," Sam shouted as he climbed the stairs to the garage.

"What?" Dean nearly growled. "Why can't we all ride together?"

"I'm not riding three deep in that backseat," I countered.

"Hey, that backseat is spacious," Dean said with a quirk of his eyebrows, a boyish smirk gracing his face.

"I'm sure it's perfect for the kind of business you do back there," I smirked back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"She's got you there, Brother," Sam laughed.

"You're one to talk!" Dean replied quickly, giving Sam a death glare.

"Oh, yeah, no. Definitely not riding around in Winchester juices. That car will be have to be fully detailed before I ever set my ass in it," I grimaced.

"Hey, I take good care of Baby!" Dean said defensively.

"I'm sure you do," I smiled, closing the trunk of my car after Sam put his bag in it.

"Hey, can I ride with you?" Jack spoke up.

"Aww, Sweetheart. My playlists aren't exactly suitable for two year olds, but I'm sure Dean has The Wiggles soundtrack in his grocery getter for you," I cooed to him, patting his cheek with a smile before turning to head for the driver's side door of my car.

"Oh hell no! You're just going to sit there and let her disrespect Baby like that, Sammy?" Dean scoffed.

Sam ran his hand over his face trying to hide his smile as he stood at the passenger side door of Diane. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his throat before saying, "Sorry Bro, but it looks like Baby has been put in the corner." Dean flipped him the bird as Sam slid into the front passenger seat of my car.

"Well, you boys have fun. Make sure you keep your windows up, I'd hate for you to choke on my dust," I smiled before climbing into the driver's seat and starting up Diane.

"Dean's probably on the verge of having a stroke right now," Sam laughed as I pulled out of the garage. "You know he came back from Hell, Heaven, Purgatory, and on the verge of death more times than I can count. Dean's a professional escape artist of death. But you may actually be the death of him," he chuckled, shaking his head and putting the location of the hunt into the GPS.

"Wait, what?" I asked, puzzled at the confession Sam had made.

"I mean Dean has never had anyone give him the same amount of shit he dishes out all the time. To be honest, it's refreshing........and entertaining," Sam laughed. "I've been dealing with it for years. It's nice to watch him squirm now that he's getting some of that back."

"No, what you said before that," I said as I turned onto the highway. "Has he.....has he really been to Hell and all that?" I breathed out, looking over to Sam who gave me a look that answered the question in itself. "Oh my God, Sam."

"I told you he's not had the easiest life. Neither of us have," he paused, running a hand over his face and then through his hair before he continued. "I mean a hunter's life isn't an easy one, but you know that," he shrugged. "We've both had our fair share of crazy shit in our lives......I mean I've been in Lucifer's Cage, Heaven, been possessed by Lucifer himself, spent some time soulless, and died too many times for a normal human being. But Dean, he's been through the ringer more than me. The books don't even cover it all."

"Books?" I asked as Dean sped past my dazed ass on the highway.

"Shit!" Sam cursed under his breath. "Yeah, please don't tell Dean I told you about those," he pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

"Our little secret," I smiled. "So start spilling it, Winchester. We've got a long drive to Dallas and I have a feeling this story is a long one."

[jade-bellatricus84]

About me!

Okay! Let's do is thing! I was tagged by the wonderful and amazing and hilarious @atarostarling for this beautiful questionaire! So, let's get started, shall we?

Name/Nickname: my given name is Kara and there two nicknames that have stuck Karabear (I was obsessed with the Care Bears as a kid) and Riceball (due to my obsession with Fruits Basket and my apparently stellar Tohru rp abilities)

Gender: Female

Star sign: Virgo

Height: 5 foot nothin' I am quite smol.

Hogwarts house: Slytherin and proud of it~ ;3

Favorite animal: Um...the one that is cute and cuddly? Lol this is tough because I love animals. Though I REEEEEEEAAAAAAALLY like foxes! So I guess we can go with Foxes as my final answer, Alex. (Don't cross the streams, loser.)

Hours of sleep: In my fantasies or in reality? In my fantasies its like...ALWAYS sleeping...iiiiiin reality I get like 2-5 hours per night until the lack of sleep catches up with me and then I crash for like 14 hours. Lol

Dogs or cats: YES! Lol, again, I love animals. I currently have a dog. My beautiful baby Loqi. (For those of you who read my mini fic. Zeus was modeled after my furbaby Loqi.)

Number of blankets: Depends...like where am I sleeping? When I lived in Indiana it was 2 or 3 now that I'm here in South Carolina it's usually 1...and barely that, as in just covering my arms and shoulders.

Dream trip: Oh wow. I would love to just...travel the world! Though the top of my list are the places where Shakespeare grew up, got married, etc. And Japan.

Dream job: Author/Novelist. I LOVE to write. I love books. I love to read. I was the kid who got in trouble in her English/Literature class for reading in class.

Time: 10:56 pm (I think that's EST?)

Birthday: September 17th~

Favorite bands: Panic! At The Disco, Paramore, Black Veil Brides, Evanescense, Baby Metal, Super Junior, SHINee, Boyz II Men, Journey (and a few more but we could be here all night if I listed them all, lol)

Favorite solo artist: Halsey, Adele, Matsushita Yuya, Taeyang, Jay Park, Luke Bryan, Shakira, Selena (Quintanilla), Diego Bonita

Song stuck in my head: Ummmm...I couldn't tell you the name cause it's slipping my mind but it's the opening theme from Black Butler II by GAZETTe

Last movie I watched: Um...I think it was The Dark Tower? With my hubby?

Last show I watched: Black Butler: Book of Circus (it's the third season which I've owned for well over a year and yet has still not seen anything past the 1st disk. Lol)

When did I create my blog: Um...August or September 2017...? I don't remember exactly. Just a few months ago. A good friend of mine sent me a post through fb messenger and I really liked all the content I saw on @inconsistencys page so I made an account to follow and continue reading their posts!

What do I post/reblog: Lol, anything that catches my eye. A lot to do with the FFXV universe...mainly the chocobros. All the ships. A lot of cats. Cute critters. Written a few posts nobody needs. XD

Last thing I googled: Ummm..."song that goes when we touch i can feel we've got a chemistry and when we rock feels just like the devil is riding me" lol I had a song stuck in my head and couldn't remember the artist's name in order to YouTube it so it would evacuate my brain. (It was Under My Skin by Sarah Connor, just in case anyone was wondering. Lol)

Other blogs: Yeah, I apparently have another Tumblr from a few years back but I don't remember the tagg or anything sooooo...xD does that still count? Other than that I have none. ****EDIT**** http://roserozahathaway.tumblr.com IS MY OTHER TUMBLR

Do I get Asks: I have gotten 2. XD I wasn't aware that they were disabled until recently when @atarostarling mentioned it, so now that they are open, please, send me some! Get me involved, please! Lol

Why did I choose my URL: Lol, Jade Bellatricus is actually the name of an original character of mine for an rp I have going with the loverly @silverdriftdragon in Discord. She's a reeeeeeeaaaaal piece of work. Lol, but I love my smol brainchild.

Following: 392 as of now. Lol I'm sure that number with grow to astronomical numbers.

Followers: 22 a significanlt smaller number and, honestly, I was SHOCKED to see it was that large! Thank you to ALLLLL of my followers! You all are amazing, wonderful, LOVELY people and you rock my socks right off!

Lucky number: 4...or 8...or 16...yeah...that one...

Favorite instrument: Wow, um, I really love piano and violin...god help me if they're being played together cause...I'd probably die of blissful peace...I also happen to like flutes, I used to play flute back in the day (lol, you're not old enough to say that, weirdo, stop it! Back in the day is like...10 or 11 years ago) I also love ocarinas, which are technically just ceramic flutes. I'm a total nerd and have a replica of the Ocarina of Time (from The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time in case anyone is unfamiliar.) that I do know how to play, albeit not very well. XD

What am I wearing: lol, that could get extra risqué extra quick. However, I'm wearing an oversized t-shirt (a.k.a. my husband's t-shirt) as my jammies.

Favorite food: xD I'm a foodie, dude, all the food is my favorite. No, seriously though, um, probably my little taco meat and rice concoction. It's literally just taco seasoned meat mixed with rice...sometimes I'll mix in some bacon bits, crushed doritos, and of course shredded cheesies. (It's like the only thing I can cook. Lol)

Nationality: Mutt? No, like, American? But the family has Native American (Cherokee I believe), French, German and Irish in our blood sooo...Yeah, I'm a mutt~ x3 *woof*

Favorite song: Oh, geez, I always hate this question...mainly because I don't have an absolute favorite song? Like, my favorite song changes so many times, based off of how bad or good I'm handling my depression and anxiety...for instance, on my really good days I'd probably say I'm Alive! By BECCA but on not so good days (like today) I'd probably say My Immortal by Evanescense or Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee.

Last book I read: Oh! It was this lovely autobiography called Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick! I absolutely love it! It's so down to earth and real and my god is it funny! She has a rather dry and somewhat twisted sense of humour, much like my husband and I, so I find it to be pretty funny! It's a great read, seriously, you guys should check it out!

Top three fictional universes I'd like to join: Hmmmm...Definitely FFXV, I would LOVE to chill with the bros. Probably Black Butler, Sebastian Michaelis is a beautiful specimen and I would love to be of use to him in some way, shape, or form *wink, wink* and finally...um...Pretty Little Liars! The Liars are such a close knit group of girls and I really missed out on having close friends like that, so I'd love to hang out with them and just be a normal high school girl for once (lol they don't live normal h.s. lives, goobernuts)

Wow! That was so much fun! Thanks for the tag, @atarostarling, its been a blast! So, now, onto my tags!

@silverdriftdragon @moonraccoon-exe @ardyns-jabberwocky @asuuna @chocoblondie @chocobard @ebony-and-chocobos @flourish-of-steel @icallshotgunn @kaciart and anyone else who wants to join in feel free to tag me as though I tagged you!

[patricksilvrrozartistry]

Current Music Obsessions: June 15 - 30, 2017

Sorry for being so late with this one. I was busy all week last week and didn't have enough time to post the final list for June. I have A LOT of stuff this session since I purged through my watch later playlist, but a shorter list should be coming next month. So let's begin with the honorable mentions.

The Oblivion - New Messiah Cinnamun Beloved - So Far Vandroya - You'll Know My Name The Project Hate MCMXCIX - Reign Ravenia - Creators of the Apocalypse Amethys - Miss Fairy Lullaby Walk in Darkness - Alexandria The Haunting - No One Saves Us but Ourselves Skuggsjá - Vitkispá NeraNature - Ego Death Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming Mother Mooch - Hive Mind Fairy Bones - No One Can Suffer Like I Can Real Life - Send Me an Angel The White Swan - The White 8th Floor - ผลสุดท้าย [DreamBreaker] Iced Earth - Clear the Way (December 13, 1862) All but One - Persistence Rings of Saturn - Inadequate Zuberoa Aznarez - Uraren Abestia Silent Descent - Vortex feat. Bjorn Strid Cyclocosmia - Seasons in the Abyss (Slayer cover) Dust in Mind - I'm Different Rise Against - Make it Stop (September's Children) Trigger - Dead Sun Royal Blood - Lights Out Kandia - Alone Chelsea Wolfe - 16 Psyche Manntra - Lanterne Face Off - Massive Make Them Suffer - Fireworks A Midnight Grace - Deceit Walk in Darkness - Eternal River Flow Need - Rememory Xandria - When the Walls Came Down (Heartache was Born)

Now for the many obsessions.

1) Devil in Dorian - Don't Waste My Time

This song definitely caught me by surprise. I don't normally like songs like this, but I kept finding myself listening to it, jamming and having it stuck in my head. It's like a blend of punk and classic style heavy metal. Great song to jam out to.

2) Beneath My Sins - My Rules

This is a symphonic metal band I've known about for a minute now. They were originally called Evolvent, but now go by Beneath My Sins. This song is so good. The choirs and synths are so good and truly what make this song as epic as it is.

3) Voluspaa - Av Sin Klokskap

I came across this band while on the Metal Archives one day trying to see if Catherine of Mortal Love had been featured in anything in recent years. She's only in backing vocals on this track, but nonetheless, this song is epic. I'm so picky about folk metal bands since so many sound so similar to one another, but this one is looking to be one that I'll love.

4) Lovelorn Dolls - Mother of the Universe feat. Helen Vogt (ex-Flowing Tears, Lighthouse in Darkness)

I came across this song while seeing if Helen was featured in anything since the end of Flowing Tears (which is how I learned about Lighthouse in Darkness) and found out she was featured on one of Lovelorn Dolls' releases. I've known of this band for a minute, but haven't really dabbled that much into them, yet every song I've heard from them are absolutely amazing. This song is no exception. Definitely check it out.

5) Adagio - Darkness Machine

I discovered this band through ProgPower USA's Facebook page and I am in love with this track. Progressive power metal with a tinge of djent. This track is so epic. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy the singer (I'm not usually a fan of singers like him). I'm definitely going to look more into this band, because this song is the tits.

6) Psyborg Corp. - Interdimensional Hyperdrive

I finally got around to listening to Psyborg Corp.'s debut album after knowing about it since its release many years ago. If you are a fan of industrial/harsh EBM, definitely give these guys a listen. This song is amazing to listen to when wanting to chill, but is also very danceable.

7) Aperion - U

I discovered this band a few years ago, but just decided to look more into them. I came across this music video and fell in love. It's so good, dramatic and theatrical. If you're into symphonic metal bands that have more of theatrical sound, definitely give these guys a listen.

8) Hallatar - Mirrors

This is a doom metal project created to honor the life of Aleah Stanbridge (Trees of Eternity) and the songs are composed of poems and other writings of hers. The vibe and sound this song has took me by surprise, because Aleah was known for doing ambient music; this is pure gothic doom metal. It's so haunting and broody. Definitely give it a listen.

9) Qveen Herby - Gucci

Karmin got a face lift and are now Qveen Herby, which has more of a hip-hop/R&B vibe to it than the original stuff from the Karmin era. I kept finding myself singing the chorus to this great jam almost every day. "You should buy it for me. Bury me in Gucci." So simple, but so catchy and great. Definitely am gonna listen to full release.

10) Alina Lesnki - How Soon is Now feat. Agordas (The Smiths cover)

I've talked about Alina and her covers many times before, but this one has to be my favorite one she's done in a while. Such a great tune and still captures the essence of the original, while still having Alina's own symphonic metal flare to it. And don't get me started on the harmonies. The harmonies are EVERYTHING.

11) Karkaos - Kolossos feat. Morgan Lander (Kittie)

I discovered this band one day when scrolling through my main tumblr and decided to give them a listen. I immediately became hooked on this song. I don't know how to describe it. It's a bit metalcore, symphonic, deathish, but it's all around some extreme proggy goodness and I need to hear more from them.

12) Little Mix - Power feat. Stormzy

I would've never thought to listen to this group on my own, but when I found out that Willam, Alaska and Courtney were featured in the video, I had to check it out. I actually fell in love with the song. It's just so fun and empowering. A great summer jam.

13) Dear Apollo - Closure

For fans of Look Right Penny, you will be happy to know that the singer is in a new project that has a similar vibe to LRP, it's just a bit more proggy. This song is so simple, but it leaves such a huge impact and is so catchy. Can't wait to hear more from them.

14) Silentium - Hangman's Lullaby

This was one of those random YouTube finds that turn out to be absolutely wonderful. This gothic metal band has definitely gotten my attention with how absolutely gorgeous this song is. Reminds me of the stuff you would hear from Norwegian gothic/gothic doom metal bands from the 90's (which is my favorite style of gothic metal). Definitely am gonna listen to more from them.

15) Selene - This Life

I recently discovered this band not too long ago. They're your standard symphonic metal band, but this song stands out so much compared to the few other songs I've heard from them. It's a ballad track and is so soft and pretty. A beautiful song to chill to.

16) Nox - Signed in Blood feat. Helena Michaelsen (Imperia)

I got bored one day and decided to see if Helena was ever featured in another band and came across this band. They're not really my cup of tea, but this track is so good. I think part of it has to do with Helena's bits in it. She just demands your attention in this song and hits some pretty impressive high notes. If you're into blackened death metal, this is a pretty good band to check out.

17) Mortad - Hollow Tomorrow

I discovered this band one day when checking out a playlist centered around women in extreme metal bands and/or bands with female screamers/growlers. This song is a beautiful ballbuster. I never thought I would ever describe a track like that. So much energy and the chorus is so lovely. Definitely will check out more from them.

18) Ionnalee - Not Human

This is the second single from this project and I am in love with it. It's so lovely, catchy and fun to jam out to. Between this and Samaritan, this has to be my favorite. Partly because of the instrumentals, but also because of how beautiful the chorus is. Definitely check this track out if you're into ambient/experimental pop music.

19) Clouds - In the Ocean of My Tears feat. Natalie Koskinen

This is a doom metal band that I discovered one day while checking out Luna Obscura's Facebook page. Their front woman, Gogo, is going to be featured on their upcoming release, so I thought I'd check out a few of their songs. This is the second song by them I've heard and I absolutely love it. So haunting, broody and melancholy.

20) Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror (When We Collide)

I discovered this song through Melanie Murphy's Insta Story one day. It's so lovely and pleasant. Such a beautiful song to just chill out to. It's so simple, but leaves such a huge impact because of how it was executed.

21) Circus of Fools - Another World Within

Here's another random YouTube discovery that turned out to be absolutely amazing. This is a melodic gothic metal band that has a symphonic element to them. The video is so cool and slightly creepy (the outfits and filters give it a slightly unsettling atmosphere) and suits the song really well. Definitely will check out more from them.

22) Xandria - A Theater of Dimensions feat. Henning Basse (MaYaN)

HO. LY. TITS. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine that Xandria would produce such a chaotic and proggy song like this. Theater of Dimensions is an excellent album, but this song is the best one off it and probably their best song to date. So much raw emotion and power. They definitely explored Dianne's vocal talents completely with this album and entirely with this song. So theatrical, campy and emotive. DEFINITELY give this song a listen!

That is it for the month of June! Like I mentioned above, shorter lists should be returning for the next month. I'm also thinking that I'll bring a smaller version of this series back to my YouTube channel when I return from my hiatus next month, so look forward to seeing the return of CMO videos!

[jordancat]

“It was also my first exposure to clinical depression. That’s the fascinating thing about it to me, people seem to identity with the song for their own reasons. Some people still associate the song with the video and the song itself has nothing to do with what’s in the video and runaway children. It was just this concept of “runaway” that was applied to the video. But the song itself is just a simple statement of insecurity. It’s talking about the downward spiral, which is what happens when you get sad. You can either come out of it or you can let it take you down. That’s what I was going through at the time. There is hope in the song too. “I can go where no one else can go, I know what no one else knows.” You are trying to overcome your own self-doubt.”

-Dave Pirner on Runaway Train

Dave Pirner: The Resonance of Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train” 25 Years Later

Posted by Jeff Gorra, Jun 1, 2018

On the silver anniversary of its official release, Pirner reflects on band’s most impactful hit

“Call you up in the middle of the night” — you sing those nine words and in response everybody knows what song you are gliding into. In fact, chances are “like a firefly without a light” will immediately be volleyed back to you.

“Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum. As the opening line suggests — it’s a brutally honest rock ballad that carved its place in history on its own. Frontman, Dave Pirner, has always been straightforward in explaining how “Runaway Train” deals with the complexities of depression. It’s fair to say it’s a song that thematically was perhaps ahead of it’s time.

“I was a key that could use a little turning”

“Runaway Train” takes responsibility, and that’s a big reason why it resonates deeply still — echoing consistently to the masses. By stressing the individual struggle, it offers a subtle – you are not alone. The vulnerability in Pirner’s voice allows for the most graceful of melodies to accompany the equally potent chords and lyrics. Depression is something that is ever-present today — within the arts and the great beyond. Lyrically, “Runaway Train” depicts the feeling of helplessness one wrestling with depressions feels better than any other song I have come across. But I’d like to halt the train on the tracks for a moment. As you will see, Pirner mentions that buried in the song about struggle is one glimmer of hope… “I can go where no one else can go, I know what no one else knows.” Sometimes that’s all it takes. One line. One hand. Ironically, that’s what “Runaway Train” has been for so many over the years. That extended hand of understanding.

But let “Runaway Train” serve as its own example. Its success is undeniable. The song itself was certified gold (selling 600,000 copies) and a key component to Soul Asylum’s triple-platinum record Gravedancers Union. As the third single to be released off the record (Yes, third… behind “Somebody to Shove” and “Black Gold”) it reached number five on the Billboard Hot 100, number two on the US top 40, and won a Grammy Award for best rock song in 1994.

By digging deep and stirring its creative voices, “Runaway Train” knew what no one else did. That one-way ticket put the song on a track that millions of people can still relate to. Sometimes there is nothing more comforting than the compassion exemplified by simply recognizing how challenging something like depression is and the toll it takes on your total being.

For Pirner, he put the pen to paper and the pick to the stings. As a result, it was one of the worlds most popular songs in 1993 and 1994, but furthermore, it offered an artistry that continues to be both a companion and a ray of light.

On June 1, 1993, “Runaway Train” was officially released as a single. Today, June 1, 2018, exactly 25 years later, Pirner invites us on-board.

What do you remember about writing “Runaway Train”?

I remember it well because I had to live through it. It was a melody I had in my head for a long time. It was based around the words “two souls” — it went like this, “Two souls laughing in the rain, one is crazy and the other’s insane.” That was the loop. I hadn’t pursued, it was just one of those musical things that gets stuck in your head. Eventually, I thought — OK, there has to be something to this. I hadn’t even recorded it. It probably took me a year-and-a-half before I made the connection with the train. Once I got the train on the track the rest of it came together.

It was also my first exposure to clinical depression. That’s the fascinating thing about it to me, people seem to identity with the song for their own reasons. Some people still associate the song with the video and the song itself has nothing to do with what’s in the video and runaway children. It was just this concept of “runaway” that was applied to the video. But the song itself is just a simple statement of insecurity. It’s talking about the downward spiral, which is what happens when you get sad. You can either come out of it or you can let it take you down. That’s what I was going through at the time. There is hope in the song too. “I can go where no one else can go, I know what no one else knows.” You are trying to overcome your own self-doubt.

This song was written in a really tough period of my life. I was going through some terrible shit. I thought I was losing my hearing. It has a lot to do with grabbing on to a thought that is devastating and not being able to get away from it. I couldn’t climb back up the downward spiral. That’s where the “Runaway Train” metaphor comes in. It’s interesting to now think about, I’ve never really had to talk about it much, usually people want to talk about the video and I have to explain to them that the song is not about kids at all.

Where was it written?

I was home in Minneapolis. I had walked away a little bit. We were supposed to go out on tour with Jane’s Addiction and I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t hearing right, and I was worried it wasn’t going to get better, which it eventually did. So, I had that loop going around in my head and I was trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Soul Asylum had been at it for 15 years and we hadn’t gotten anywhere. We had put out two records on a major label and the future was bleak. I had started playing the acoustic guitar a lot to help me rethink what I was doing. I ended up writing the songs for Gravedancers Union. It was just me and an acoustic — in my apartment feeling sorry for myself.

Did you know you had something special upon finishing and recording “Runaway Train”?

No, it was just another song. The record was finished and I started playing it for people. As I was looking for a manager, that was the first time I paused and thought — Wow, what is going on here? One guy in particular heard 45 seconds of “Runaway Train” and said “OK, that’s it. I want to manage this band.” He heard the song in a way that I never had. I was very taken back. I didn’t understand how that would make him want to manage my band, but it was more artistically calculated than I would have imagined. “Runaway Train” was the third single off the record. “Somebody to Shove” was first and it did very well, which I didn’t expect. Then “Black Gold” came out and when that song got popular it was the first time I realized I was delivering a message. The record was already doing well and then they released “Runaway Train”.

How did things change for you after that?

When we were recording the record, we could not get any basic tracks. Our producer, Michael Beinhorn was very particular about results. If he wasn’t hearing what he wanted to hear then we would have to do it over and over again. We were in a studio in New York and Michael kept hearing a sound that was like a screw on a vent, some weird sound that nobody else could hear. Finally, he made us move because he couldn’t take it anymore. As it turns out, he was not happy with what the drummer was doing. We had been in the studio for two weeks and not gotten a single result. It was New York City, everything cost a fortune. Even the whole band staying in New York, that’s not cheap. We had no choice but to bring in another drummer. It totally devastated the feeling of this do it yourself, homegrown, organic, four boys that met in high school and started a band. We didn’t listen to what anybody said. It was a big deal to bring in another drummer. Then Sterling Campbell came it to play drums and I was emotionally overwhelmed by how great my songs sounded when he played on them. I went back to the hotel and played the cassette of our daily rough mixes and I got all teared up. It was a groove and the way they were supposed to sound. At that point, there was no turning back. I love playing the drums and I think I have a good feel, but there’s a nuance to it that you can’t explain. Michael’s plan saved my life musically.

I remember being in Tokyo on the Gravedancers Union tour. After our show I felt awful. I thought we played horribly. I was sitting in a car shortly after the gig and I heard “Runaway Train” on the radio. I realized the difference and that was how it was supposed to go with a different drummer. That was the only part of the “Runaway Train” frenzy where I felt really spoiled. I had to get Sterling in the band. It was what’s right for the music and the music would suffer if I didn’t have him.

The rest of it was just a lot of work. We had so much on our plate. That wasn’t a bad thing, it just turned into this crazy media circus. A lot of photo shoots and publicity. It was distracting. It made no sense to me to go to Europe and do a publicity tour, but we weren’t going to play a single show. Fly some place for a photoshoot? I couldn’t grasp it. You put your head down and you power through it.

I make a lot of jokes about now, but “Runaway Train” helped me to continue doing what I am doing now. I stopped playing the song for awhile and people were not happy with that. It was a cliché, I left the song out of the set because I wanted the band to be challenged and not rely on the hit. I’d see people after the show and they’d tell me they drove four hours to the gig and all they wanted to hear was the one song we didn’t play. I thought it wasn’t worth it, we were talking about not playing it more than if we had played it. It’s a three-and-a-half-minute song and we’ve been talking about not playing it for ten minutes. To me, it felt effortless, but it was something people really enjoyed. Now I will play it any time.

What’s the emotion of seeing “Runaway Train” impact so many people? Even each night as you perform the song, 25 years later, to see people passionately sing back every single word? Given the subject matter you are speaking of and how genuine you are in the delivery, it must be pretty moving.

The analogy is Los Lobos and “La Bamba”. They had all these great songs they had written and then had this huge hit with “La Bamba”. By the time they were half way through touring you can tell they were almost making fun of the popularity. It made me proud of the fact that the song I have that people know and love came straight from the heart. I wasn’t singing a cover or a song about dancing. The reaction with “Runaway Train” is always more of an emotion you can see in people’s faces as opposed to people pumping their fist and jumping up and down. You often see couples in the crowd get very close when the song starts. It’s something people can relate to in an inward way. It’s fascinating to look at a crowd in a moment where they are all examining their own emotions.

All of this considered, what does “Runaway Train” mean to you now — 25 years later?

Getting the song out of my system was something very important to me. It still resonates for me. It’s timeless and it still feels like something that is about acceptance. Once I got past the psychological analysis where I knew this feeling of depression could happen to me again, it helped me pretty prepare myself. I remember being in the psychiatric hospital and you had to walk the gauntlet to get to the doctor’s office. It was a scary hallway where all the patients can roam free. This one particular dude was so nice to me on my walk to the doctor. He walked into the office with me and finally the doctor told him it was time to leave and he explained to me that he had dementia from aids. It put a huge perspective on my situation that I will never forget. The song reminds me that I am still keeping it in check.

~Dave Pirner, Soul Asylum

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeff Gorra

Founder/Editor/Writer @ArtistWaves — a voice of the artist platform. Compelling & inspiring stories…Behind the art, from the artist. Follow on twitter @JeffGorra | JeffGorra@ArtistWaves.com