#just thinking about this again while i'm on the subject of music and radios (and listening to my tunes while i draw)

[t00thpasteface]

the most insane thing about so many people not caring about rap and hip hop on this site is how many of them are in my approximate age group. like i KNOW you grew up being spoonfed some of the best and catchiest and most danceable rap EVER. you couldn't turn on the radio without hearing something you could move and jump and bump and grind to. the only other age group that had that many hits handed to them on a silver platter were those latchkey kids in the 70s who biked around town with their radio in the handlebar basket from 3pm through sunset. i KNOW you heard nonstop 50 cent even though you were too young to be in da club. you bastards. how could you turn your back on our cusp-zoomer heritage like this

[oneshotnewbie]

Alex ,Kara and B!D get into a car accident and B!D is the one that gets most severely injured

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️ This one-shot includes the topic of an car accident, injuries and blood. Those plots are presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle the subject, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

ᕚ---ᕘ

The sky was tinged with a soft pink as Alex, Kara, and you headed off to spend a weekend with your mother in Midvale. The narrow streets were busy and flooded with the setting sun, but the anticipation of spending time together and the fresh breeze that carried the scent of flowering grass and trees outweighed any hectic pace.

Alex, a cheerful DEO agent with bright eyes, drove J'onn's borrowed car with a big smile on her face as she tapped the steering wheel to the beat of a song. The music on the radio created a pleasant and happy atmosphere as Kara kept lifting her head to look at the passing landscape. You, the adventurer of the sibling group, looked out the window and couldn't wait to see the familiar streets of Midvale again.

"I'm so excited to see Mom again. It's been far too long." With a wide grin curving your lips, you counted the kilometers that were still away from your old home, the memories of your childhood flooding you. The suburban streets, the shops and the park - everything felt so familiar. The blonde giggled in her seat, looking at Alex for a brief moment before turning back to face you. "Yes, it's going to be a nice weekend. I can already taste Eliza's famous lasagna."

Alex continued to focus on the busy streets, wanting to get you safely to your destination while you continued to relive stories you had experienced together with Kara. "There's the playground where you used to take me to play, Al!" You remarked, your mind immediately flashing back to the time you scraped your knee jumping off the swing. The scars were still visible on them. "And over there is the ice cream parlor we always stopped at after school!"

Kara nodded meekly, the past of the beginning of her new life on earth flashing past in her mind's eye. "There's something magical about Midvale. Like a trip back in time - and I love it." She spoke in a whisper and a silence dominated the car, apart for the soft melody in the background.

The roads passed small towns, many green fields and picturesque landscapes. You three siblings exchanged stories, laughed and enjoyed the ride. The anticipation of the weekend back in your past was literally palpable while the annoyances passed easily.

But suddenly and unexpectedly, a loud honk ripped through the air, followed by the squeak of the wheels and a deafening crash. Your car skidded before going down an embankment and colliding with a tree that saved you from a high drop.

The world seemed to move in slow motion for a moment as Kara tried, with shaking hands, to free herself from the wrecked, upside-down car. The air was filled with the sweet smell of gasoline and smoke as Alex, her eyes wide and her hands clenched on the steering wheel, still not quite over the shock of the accident, tried to orient herself. "Are you all good?“

The redhead tried to answer in a daze, not understanding what had just happened. "I-I think so. Y/n? Kiddo, how are you?"

But when there was no answer to her question, nor did she hear any noise, she turned around. Kara was finally out of the car and walked around to check on you. The sight in the back seat was shocking. You lay lifeless, thrown against the door by the impact. The distraught face, pale and marked with traces of blood, triggered a wave of panic in both of them.

"Y/n? Y/n, please, say something!" The blonde spoke fearfully, reaching her hand through the broken back window to grab your leg. She shook it, pulling on your pant leg as hard as she could, but you didn't move. "We have to get help. Quick, where is my cell phone?"

Alex looked around the wreckage, finally unbuckled from her seatbelt. She crawled around in the front cabin of the car, spread her hands in the shattered glass pieces and frantically searched the interior before she got to Kara's phone, which luckily remained intact.

She skillfully threw the cell phone out of the open passenger door into the hands of the blonde, who immediately called 911 while the redhead fought her way through the smoke and debris to get to you and stabilize you. Every step felt like an obstacle course in a nightmare. "Sweetheart, please wake up! Please!"

Meanwhile, Kara had notified all rescue workers and helped open the door to help her eldest sister rescue you from the wreckage as carefully as possible. The sight of your lifeless form in Kara's arms was heartbreaking. The minutes began to feel like hours.

"You can't give up, y/n. We can do this. You have to hold on," the blonde sobbed, clutching your blood-stained jacket tightly in her hands. She tried to stay calm as she had your head lying on her lap, gently stroking your dull hair.

The ambulance approached, sirens blaring, cutting through the tense silence of the scene. When the paramedics arrived, they immediately began life-saving measures and pushed your siblings aside. Carefully, you were placed on a stretcher and taken away immediately. "We have to take her to the hospital immediately. It doesn't look good," the paramedic spoke, the injuries were serious and the atmosphere was filled with tension and worry. "Do you need an ambulance? Are you in any pain?"

They both shook their heads abjectly, the helplessness palpable in their eyes, as the ambulance sped away, accompanied by the blue lights reflected in the tears on both siblings' faces.

The two called their mother and told her in brief detail what had happened. The two were immediately picked up from the side of the road and followed the ambulance in a state of uncertainty. The journey was filled with silence, only broken by the critical state of you.

In the hospital, time once again felt unhinged and stretching. You were asked to wait outside while the doctors did everything they could to stabilize you. The wait in the emergency room was accompanied by anxious thoughts and silent prayers, filled with a fear that connected the waiting siblings and your mother.

The moment the attending physician emerged after hours, he carried a mixture of hope and fear, his face showing strain. "It was a serious operation and her condition is still critical, but we are doing our best. We have to wait and hope."

The news hit Alex and Kara like a blow. In the hours that followed, they lingered in the waiting room, praying for you and holding each other. The night passed slowly and the first rays of morning sunlight illuminated the hospital corridors. The doctor came out again, this time with a look of caution on his face. "It was close, but her daughter and sister survived the surgery. It will take a long recovery time, but we are optimistic."

All three breathed a sigh of relief, tears of joy mixing with the exhaustion and dirt that still lay on their faces. Together they made their way to your hospital room to support you as the sun rose over Midvale.

Alex and Kara literally stormed into the room. The sight of you connected to numerous tubes and equipment brought a mixture of relief and sadness. They sat on the bed and held your hand. "We are here with you. You will get through this," the redhead whispered softly. "We love you. You are not alone."

The next days and weeks were characterized by fear and hope. The siblings shared the pain, the fear and the desperate longing for a positive turnaround. And as those days passed, Alex and Kara seemed to grow even closer as they waited side by side for you to return to life.

[marimayscarlett]

This is a FREE pass to deep dive into ANY of your favorite thing(s) about Mr. Zee Kay!!! I wanna hear EVERYTHING about your favorite thing, I love seeing your deep dives and essays on the most important subject to exist ❤️

❗ CAUTION. LONG-ISH POST AHEAD. ❗

Hi! First of all:

Kissies for you for sending me this ask, thank you so much! This has been sitting in my inbox for a while now since it took me ages to decide what this post should be about. I didn't want to make yet another fashion/stage outfit/etc post, so I decided to do something different with it.

I decided this will be a long ass post about Richard's outspokenness and honesty in interviews and some of my favourite quotes/topics he spoke about in the past. This man has A LOT to say and sometimes is brutally honest with his answers. You ask him how he's doing or what he thinks about XYZ? Prepare for a lengthy and detailed reply. You ask him something silly or boring? Be prepared he quite actually reacts quite directly on it.

This list will be sorted by three topics: 1. Quotes regarding work with Rammstein, Emigrate and in general, 2. Quotes about his personal life and finally, 3. Unhinged shit Richard says since this man sometimes has no filter.

All interviews will be linked, german quotes are translated into english. Prepare yourself, this will be long and self-indulgend and I'm probably the only person who's really interested in this stuff but i don't CARE, I love reading about and listening to this man and I'll use this post to my liking thanks to this lovely, lovely anon 💞 Let's get started 👀🤍

Richard on working with Rammstein and Emigrate and music in general

In this interview, Richard talks about being put into the right wing corner by the german media and how hard it is for him and the band: "You want to shout it out loud and convince people otherwise, only to find that nobody listens because nobody wants to know. They want you in this corner. That was very disillusioning."

Here he gives an example for his immeasurable perfectionism and how he tries to protect himself from it: "I spent a lot of time recording guitars over and over again. I ended up giving my guitar engineer the key to the locker where my guitar cabinets are and told him “Do not give me this key back”,  otherwise I would have still been in there recording guitars right now.

In the same interview, he also gives an example how the whole Mutter problem came into play: "So if I’d come up with 45 ideas, then others in the band may feel they’d have to come up with 45 ideas as well. There was lot of pressure going on within Rammstein because of that."

Here Richard talks about how he, back in the GDR days, wandered from peer group to peer group to find his style: "I've always been bored of sticking with just one group of people. The metalheads got drunk too often. So I moved on - and I found that refreshing - to the punks …" Interviewer: … who didn't drink any less. "No, exactly. And they were also dirtier (laughs). Then I was with the bluesmen, and they always went to these blues fairs. And because they also drank a lot, they could sleep well, whereas I, who didn't drink, always woke up at three in the morning because I was so cold - we only had these thin cotton sleeping bags."

Richard on the amount of hours which go in one song of his [interview]: "At some point, I calculated that it takes me about 1000 hours on average for a song to reach the listener. But I don't want to think too much about the time involved. That would just be frustrating."

On his relationship with Flake and that he would be the one member of the band Richard would play an Emigrate album as a test run to [interview]: "Although someone like Flake would probably be very open to that. We have a lot of respect for each other and are in a lively exchange. For example, I regularly listen to his radio show - and call him afterwards to ask him what weird stuff he's been saying. (laughs)"

2. Richard on his personal life

In my alltime favourite podcast with Richard, he admist to seemingly being a quite difficult person to live with (apparently, only his daughter is able to and is relaxed enough to bring him inner peace). He hates talking in the morning, needs time for himself with no talking and reflect on things and sometimes is afraid/annoyed that he has to explain himself to others (since other people tend to take offense because of this). This is one of the reasons why he definitely can't imagine living together with a girlfriend again.

Here he talks about the evolution of friendship with Till: Intervier: How has your friendship changed over more than 30 years? Richard: "Well, as it goes in life: Unfortunately, there's never a happy ending. You should only meet friends once or twice a month. It's unnatural for men to be extremely close for decades. At some point you want to be left alone." Interviewer: You two are more like colleagues these days? Richard: "Sounds stupid, but that's kind of how it is. But I still have a basic trust: If anything happens, I know I can call Till and he'll be there, just like the others."

Here Richard admits to his immense moodiness at times: "I am a very moody person, my mood sometimes changes by the hour."

Why he likes western movies so much [interview]: "It might sound strange, but I have really early childhood memories of my father watching these cowboy movies and falling asleep… that ended up being part of my upbringing somehow."

And his fond memory of the wild times with Till after the wall came down [interview]: "Because at that time, in every house there was a techno or rave party, and we would go there, and 7 in the morning, he would bring his daughter to school, and then come back and we would stay there into the daytime, and dance to these electric beats — I mean, can you imagine us dancing like that?"

How he answers to a fan question in which movie/show he'd like to be a part of (musically or in general) [article]: "I would have loved to have been in Game of Thrones. I really love fantasy worlds, you know? Also Westworld."

3. Welcome to the unhinged RZK corner aka "Shit RZK says":

In this interview, he describes his relationship with music like this: "I believe the music itself must be the king, but I want to be the queen." Alrighty then 👀

Just overall this conversation with him thinking about filming himself having sex [interview]:

The Gauntlet: Do you always have that funny smile during sex? [regarding the Pussy MV]

Richard: "I actually never watched myself but you have a point. I really should watch myself or videotape it. I never really...I can do it. I did that a long time ago but every girl is different. Do I really smile? Sometimes I guess, I will have to check that out. You really have me thinking on that one."

This man seemingly tried every therapy under the sun, which is good, but this one left me a bit speechless [interview]: "I always had the feeling that I was a king without a nation. That was always in my head and I once did reincarnation therapy and experienced this life. It was really interesting and this song came out of that [song: Born on my own].

Here he admits to throwing a guitar at Lemmy Kilmister: "It was the third time a roadie had given me an out-of-tune guitar. So I threw it at him. Unfortunately, Lemmy was standing there watching the show from the side of the stage. But I didn't know that, I just saw Lemmy disappear. That was very embarrassing for me."

Or he throws his credits cards at sales women (how about some anger management my guy): "The last time I was there [New York], I wanted to pay for a coffee in a caf�� with a hundred dollar bill. But not because I wanted to be a big shot, but because I just had this one bill in my pocket. The sales woman hissed at me and threw the bill back over the counter. I just thought: She's out of her mind. I then threw my credit card at her. I was really angry."

If you made it to the end of this post, I really applaud you and apologize for my rambling yet again 🙏 I could go on and on (I didn't even started with quoting the video interviews), but I think since I'm the only one who's into this, I stop right here 😅 Have some smiley Richard as a reward 🍀

[rosanna-writer]

Our Song - A Gwynriel Songfic

Just a short songfic based on Taylor Swift's "Our Song" for Day Two of Gwyn Appreciation Week - Song Association

Originally I didn't have anything planned for today but the song came on at work, and I thought it would be fun to write something a little meta :)

The full fic is below the cut!

@gwynweekofficial

I was ridin' shotgun with my hair undone

In the front seat of his car

On yet another night that Gwyn and Azriel couldn't sleep, she found herself in his arms in the skies above Velaris. It happened less frequently now, but there were still nights like this, and they'd taken to flying once they'd given both up on attempting to sleep. The cool night air sometimes did them more good than trying and failing to rest.

He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel

The other on my heart

There was nowhere Gwyn would rather be than curled up against Azriel's chest with the city spread out beneath them. Even when they placed bets about how much free fall she could take before she screamed or if Az would beat his fastest time from one end of the city to the other, this felt like the safest place in the world.

I look around, turn the radio down

He says, "Baby, is something wrong?"

Tonight, though, they just made lazy loops around the city in companionable to silence. Gwyn might be able to draw Azriel out better than anyone else, but she didn't always need to.

After a while, Az glanced down at her and said, "Everything alright?"

I say, "Nothing, I was just thinkin' how we don't have a song"

And he says

It was, and Gwyn knew he'd know if it wasn't, but it was in his nature to confirm everything, not to make assumptions. Azriel didn't leave things to chance.

"Completely fine," she said, giving him a smile. "I was just thinking that for all the singing we do, it's a bit strange we don't have a song, isn't it?"

Our song is the slamming screen door

Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window

"It's probably for the best. Anything distinctive is predictable and easy to track."

Gwyn rolled her eyes and wondered if there was anything in the world he couldn't relate back to espionage. "Azriel. Not everything in life is about being sneaky."

When we're on the phone, and you talk real slow

'Cause it's late, and your mama don't know

"Not everything. But quite a lot."

His voice was deadpan, but Gwyn could read Azriel well enough to spot the barest hint of a smile on his face. He knew what he was doing, being pedantic just to rile her up a bit.

And Gwyn wouldn't give him the satisfaction of rising to the bait.

Instead, she just changed the subject and said, "Now that I think about it though, I wonder if you could use music to pass coded messages."

Azriel hummed thoughtfully, and Gwyn could feel it rumble in his chest. "A bit difficult to communicate much detail when there's only seven notes in a scale to work with, though."

If he wanted pedantic tonight, he'd get pedantic. Gwyn smiled.

"Actually there are twelve in a chromatic scale."

"That's still less than half the letters in the alphabet. My point still stands."

Our song is the way you laugh

The first date, "Man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"

That was enough to consider it a draw. They lapsed back into comfortable silence and watched the city fly by underneath them.

Eventually Gwyn—completely incapable of letting anything go as always—said, "We really should have a song, though. And for the record, telling me having a song is predictable might be the least romantic thing you've ever said to me."

"Don't worry, I'm sure I'll outdo myself soon."

Gwyn laughed at that, then rested her head on the space between Azriel's head and shoulder. It fit perfectly, as if she was made to be there.

"There aren't a lot of things that are more important than being sneaky, but that laugh is one of them, you know," Azriel added softly.

Gwyn didn't have a sarcastic response for that, just kissed him.

And when I got home, 'fore I said, "Amen"

Asking God if he could play it again

They didn't stay out much longer than that. The flight had done its job, tiring Azriel out enough to catch a few hours of sleep. Gwyn wasn't quite so lucky, but sleepless nights weren't as bad when she spent them curled up against his side, one wing covering her like an extra blanket. While she listened to him breathe, she hummed to herself quietly and got lost in thought about music theory and cryptology.

I was walkin' up the front porch steps after everything that day

Had gone all wrong and been trampled on

The next day, Gwyn was not nearly as content. After only a couple hours of sleep, training the next morning was miserable. She couldn't bring herself to skip it. Instead, she gritted her teeth and forced herself to keep going, even though she lost three sparring matches in a row and failed to block countless hits she should have dodged.

No one asked what was wrong—the bags under her eyes were answer enough.

And lost and thrown away

Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed

It had been a horribly long day, and Gwyn had pushed herself to get through all of it. Azriel considered telling her to rest, but he knew Gwyn—she'd only dig her heels in more if he did.

So instead, he made sure to be home first, ready to take care of Gwyn when the exhaustion finally overtook her and she collapsed into bed.

I almost didn't notice all the roses

And the note that said

And just as he predicted, she took one look at the carefully tabbed and annotated book he'd left on the nightstand for her and decided she'd open it when she'd gotten some sleep. The vase of roses next to it made her smile though.

Azriel was patient. He could wait until Gwyn had rested up enough to find the note he'd left explaining that he'd annotated the songbook for her because there was no obvious choice of which song should be theirs.

He'd rather just give them all to her.

I've heard every album, listened to the radio

Waited for something to come along

That was as good as our song

After flipping through the entire book together, Gwyn and Azriel agreed there wasn't a single song that felt quite right. Gwyn was beyond caring—it was the best gift she'd ever received.

But still, the next day, she'd returned to the library and gotten her hands on every book about music theory and codebreaking that she could find. She was on a mission.

I was ridin' shotgun with my hair undone

In the front seat of his car

Gwyn and Azriel had a few more weeks of peace before insomnia struck again. Gwyn had her nose stuck in the library books she was still making her way through when Azriel said he couldn't sleep either. He suggested flying again, and she never turned that down.

Gwyn sang softly to herself as they flew. She almost didn't realize she was doing it until Azriel joined in.

I grabbed a pen and an old napkin

And I wrote down our song

Something about the sound of their voices together unknotted the problem. When they got back home, she didn't come to bed, just cracked open the notebook full of staff paper and grabbed a pen.

Azriel might have thought that music was an impractical means of encoding information, but Gwyn was sure that with a few tweaks, her system would work.

And there was no song that was sweeter than "I told you so."

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Hard Rock Essentials 2000 Hard Rock / Blues-Rock / Arena Rock / Hair Metal / Pop-Metal / Heavy Metal / Adult-Oriented Rock / Progressive Rock / Pop-Rock

God, classic rock really has to be the most over-entitled and over-represented type of music in America, man. I mean, can you think of any other non-contemporary stuff that has a radio station solely dedicated to it in virtually every nook and cranny of this country? It's pretty obvious why it's managed to own so much radio real estate over the years, though—because it's pure catnip for nostalgic white boomers—but if you zoom all the way out and think about all of the music that's come and gone since the 50s, there's really no justifiable reason for this stuff to get so much more airtime than any other type of music from the past. I mean, classic rock is fine for what it is, but it's definitely not leaps and bounds better than everything else.

Take a song like Foreigner's "Hot Blooded," for instance, which is just one of multiple tracks to appear on this triple-disc compilation of so-called Hard Rock Essentials here that happens to deal with the complex subject matter of, *checks notes*, being extremely horny. "Hot Blooded" was a hit in its day, sure, but so were literally tens of thousands of other songs too. And I guess, at the end of the day, I just don't really understand why this song, and so many other ones that are featured on this comp as well, has earned its keep as a fixture of constant classic rock radio rotation. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, is "Hot Blooded" really all that remarkable of a song, so much so, that we need to keep continuously hearing it on our radios year after year? No way!

But, folks, I have to admit that it is actually far too late for me on this front. I am by no means a boomer, but I was, at one point, part of another segment that, like clockwork, fell prey to classic rock radio too: the insufferable tweenage boy subset who grew exasperated with the mindlessness of his own generation's contemporary top 40 fare and decided that "Smoke On the Water" and other songs of its ilk were actually the best shit in the world. Little did we know at the time, and some of us still refuse to see it, that a lot of this shit was actually every bit just as dumb as the stuff that we were trying to so actively avoid. God, how embarrassing.

But I really just cannot help it at this point. As much sense as I've tried to make at the top of this post, I really did have a substantial classic rock phase, and now that shit is just hard-coded into my own DNA. Quiet Riot's "Cum On the Feel the Noize" is not a song that deserves to ever be heard by anyone ever again—it's so fucking bad!—but God damnit, I can't stifle the smile that starts to plant itself on my face whenever that stupid thing comes on. And it's much the same for the vast majority of the other tracks that are on this comp too.

So, while Hard Rock Essentials might be revered as a biblical classic rock sampling for both a certain type of tweenage boy and white boomer alike, for me, personally, it's nothing but security blanket rock. This is music that served me well years ago, and I've clearly outgrown it too, but there are also times when I just love to go back and swaddle myself in it as well 😊. And if I'm with someone who swears by this kinda stuff, I'm obviously gonna fully rock out to it with them too, but then maybe, afterwards, I can make their heads explode with a piece of Philadelphia shoegaze from 1996 that only has 26 YouTube views 🤯.

And I'm not gonna really get too much into it here, but we also really need to have some kind of deep reckoning with this whole propped-up and closed-looped classic rock industry that serves itself with all these nearly identical radio station playlists, cheaply produced TV countdown shows, and countless 'greatest of all time' lists on tons of different websites. I'm not trying to do conspiratorial tin foil hattery, but this whole apparatus really needs to have a stick thrown into its spokes, because it's been dominant as an unchallenged authority on classic rock for far too long. Rather than yet another spin of "Rock You Like a Hurricane," a much more thorough exploration of this vast expanse is indeed possible; I can promise you that.

Highlights:

CD1:

Ted Nugent - "Cat Scratch Fever" Great White - "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" Kansas - "Carry On Wayward Son" Quiet Riot - "Cum On Feel the Noise" Warrant - "Heaven" Judas Priest - "You've Got Another Thing Coming" Loverboy - "Lovin' Every Minute of It" Blue Öyster Cult - "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" Scandal - "The Warrior" Living Colour - "Cult of Personality" Mountain - "Mississippi Queen" Argent - "Hold Your Head Up"

CD2:

Foreigner - "Hot Blooded" Bad Company - "Feel Like Makin' Love" INXS - "Need You Tonight" Damn Yankees - "High Enough" Ratt - "Round and Round" Skid Row - "I Remember You" Black Sabbath - "Heaven and Hell" The Doobie Brothers - "China Grove" White Lion - "Wait" April Wine - "Just Between You and Me" Twisted Sister - "We're Not Gonna Take It"

CD3:

Whitesnake - "Is This Love" Golden Earring - "Radar Love" Joe Walsh - "Rocky Mountain Way" Scorpions - "Rock You Like a Hurricane" The Allman Brothers Band - "Whipping Post" Uriah Heep - "Easy Livin'"

[fancifulpurposelesslovely]

your answer to my wrapped ask made me curious: what is the most summer sons/andrew blur song you have on your wrapped?

I don't think I could possibly limit this to 1, so I'll give you a couple! Apparently none of the actual musical vibe of Summer Sons made my Wrapped, but some lyrical stuff did.

this is me trying - Taylor Swift

Andrew going to Sam post-canon, after Eddie has been laid to rest.

And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (And maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying At least I'm trying

God in Jeans - Ryan Beatty

Okay once again this is Sam/Andrew, I can't help myself. Andrew is really fucking gay.

God is real, he was sleeping in my bed last night We were naked with the radio on Played him favorite song My love, he caught me crying Freedom can die so hard When you have a broken heart Tears of joy I pray to the open sky This is the one I wanted This is everything

Body Terror Song - AJJ

Ahahahaha I just thought of this one tbh, but I stand by it.

I'm so sorry that you have to have a body I'm so sorry that you have to have a body, oh yeah I'm very sorry that you have to have a body One that will hurt you, and be the subject of so much of your fear It will betray you, be used against you, then it'll fail on you my dear

Second Chances - Gregory Alan Isakov

I've definitely made a post about how this is an Andreil song, but it's also deeeeeply an Andrew Blur song. Love of my life.

All of my heroes sit up straight They stare at the ground They radiate Me, I'm mumbling in the kitchen for the sun to pay up Lonely is a ring on a cold coffee cup I'm some sick hound Digging for bones If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be alone My hands they were strangers lost in the night They're waving around in the dusty light I'm waiting in the wings while the trees undress Cupping my ear to hear the wind confess I'm a ghost in the garden Scaring the crows If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be alone I'm running from nothing, no thoughts in my mind Oh my heart was all black But I saw something shine Thought that part was yours, but it might just be mine I could share it with you, if you gave me the time I'm all bloody knuckles, longing for home If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be alone I'm a shot through the dark I'm a black sinkhole If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be alone

Thanks for asking!!!

There's also a really good Summer Sons playlist on Spotify.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2yLVLOgocPb7BlGLwxX33n?si=KilTdQRoRKyqZW8xhqYYYw&pi=u-RcE0saOPSJKW

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, here's a collection of three short clips from an episode of the Elis James/John Robins radio show I heard recently, episode 115 from April 2016. The first clip is from the podcast intro at the beginning, then one from near-ish to the end of the live radio show. Then one from the podcast outro, which is their Keep It Sessions Sessions, where John and Elis take turns picking a band that they love but can't play on the radio because it's not on the Radio X playlist, so they play a bit of one of their songs for the podcast.

So... is everyone reading this the same way as I am? I feel like I might be missing something, and I hope I am. Because it looks like what happened is John Robins was booked on a charity gig, but then Stewart Lee said he'd do that gig only if John Robins was kicked off the bill, and then they did kick John off because obviously Stewart Lee is going to bring in a lot more people than him. And fair enough if that's what happened, if the gig is for charity then the organizer (who in this case was Elis James) should be booking comedians based on who will sell the most tickets.

Fair enough on the organizer's part, I mean, I don't blame them. But what the fuck, Stewart? I'm really hoping I read that wrong, because that would be a really fucked up thing for Stewart Lee to have done.

The context, if anyone's wondering, is this routine from John Robins' 2014 stand-up show:

Obviously that was not a nice thing to say about Stewart Lee. But as John points out, Lee is the one who has claimed repeatedly that a comedian talking shit about another comedian on stage isn't personal, it's something he does in character and doesn't really mean any of it so no one should read anything into his actual personality about it. If Stewart Lee turned around and starting trying to retaliate in actual real life against the first person who did it back to him, that's not just being a colossal dick in one situation, that's invalidating his entire argument that what's said on stage can stay on stage and should be taken as just a joke and/or character. If Stewart Lee wants to start saying that actually that stuff does count in real life and should be taken personally, that opens a lot of other stuff.

I still think I must be missing something here, because that seems like too ridiculous a thing for everyone to have just been fine with. John Robins is being way too chill about it for that to be what happened. When Elis James got a Twitter verification checkmark before John did, John spent the entire episode and several minutes of several subsequent episodes constantly bringing that up. It is really weird that Elis James could kick him off a bill at the insistence of Stewart Lee, and John Robins would keep his on-air complaints to just a couple of little comments following the plugs for it and then one dig at Stewart Lee's music taste at the end (the clips I cut out for that audio file are the only references to it in the episode). So there are two options there, I guess. Either I've misread this and that's not what happened, or it turns out that John Robins does actually have a line past which a tension-causing subject is so tense that he'll refrain from constantly going on about it on air, and this is past that line. Because I can't imagine he's genuinely that chill about it, given that no normal person would be, and he is much less chill than a normal person.

One point in favour of the idea that I am reading the situation correctly: I do actually remember once having read, on some message board at some point last year while trying to look up something else, that Stewart Lee refused to appear at gigs with John Robins because he didn't like what John Robins had said about him in his stand-up. I tried to find that thing again today, but I couldn't find it. I just remember reading it, but I thought that just meant Stewart Lee avoided wherever John was. Not that he actually went around seeking gigs where John was already signing up and getting him kicked off of them.

You know, this does make that Tweet John Robins wrote about him more recently seem slightly more justified. John Robins wrote some Tweet a couple of years ago comparing Stewart Lee to Joseph McCarthy, and obviously Stewart Lee is not Joseph McCarthy, that was a stupid thing to say. But I can't blame John as much for thinking that way, if Stewart Lee has been going around using his considerable influence to get someone kicked off bills for talking badly about him. Specifically for doing the same thing that Stewart Lee does all the time and justifies by saying you can't hold stuff against him if he does it in character on stage. Fucking hell.

About 18 months ago I made a bunch of posts weighing in on the feud between Mark Watson and Frankie Boyle, giving my opinions as though that were a current issue and not something that happened in 2011, because I'd only just learned about it so it seemed current to me. Well, at least I'm getting slightly more recent with the comedian feuds on which I weigh in, moving from 2011 to 2015.

I'm quite annoyed about this, so as a slight lift to the mood, here's a clip of the next time they brought up that charity gig, in the following episode when it was still coming up so Elis plugged it again, just because it's a fairly adorable exchange:

[panelshowsource]

random thoughts dump of the week bc none of this deserves its own post

coming down from a smol john kearns kick and really enjoyed it, guy has a ridiculously sweet presence and i really like his voice. it also brings me great joy his previous career was working in museums and as a tour guide. i would like that life, i think (i worked at universal orlando for a little bit in 2013 and was always super jealous of the vip tour guides lol). he mentioned on one of his rhlstps that despite winning arguably the biggest (british) comedy awards there are, he never released a standup special or dvd, and he kinda wants to keep it that way so he has something special between him and his live audience — and that really made me sad face. like, my guy, what about those of us who can't see you bc won't leave that damn island. (also ed gamble's new tour having no nyc date felt personal...) in another episode, he talked a little about, in great part due to social media, people want comedians they can know everything about, get the whole look of; comedians who are the same people onstage as off. he's not like that and doesn't really like the idea of that. i think there's a lot to say about that subject but i'll just leave it for now...

speaking of touring ed byrne next week!!! and jimmy and alan carr coming up!! what a fun time :')

speaking of rhlstp and ed, one thing that occurred to me and i thought was quite funny upon listening to his recent episode is that both richard and ed have that self-aware side of them that admits to bitterness, professional jealousy, annoyance with critics/haters, believing they're not as successful as they deserve to be, etc. while it can come off whiney here and there, it's not too obnoxious or anything, i just found it amusing they had this (often concealed or private) quality in common. i might even put jenny eclair in that camp (others too but that's a discourse i don't really wanna start lmao)

if another youtuber, following amelia dimoldenberg (and munya? does he count?), had to go on taskmaster i would probably vote for ollie kendal off of jolly. in my mind he and alex would be genuinely good friends outside of the show

man i miss the horne section podcast so bad

honestly, i'm a little surprised david mitchell doesn't have a podcast. he loves radio, it's not too demanding of a gig, and he's got tons of interests that could make engaging premises for podcasts... i'm sure someone has floated this to him before, so i need the reason why he said no. maybe he was busy with his book. would love a history pod fr

does anyone else ever remember when david mitchell was in rick and morty and just sit back and go O_O also when he was on graham norton with hillary clinton like lmaooo i just love the idea of the booking agents for that show being like "we're having fucking hillary clinton on who can we bring for comic relief who is a household name but not problematic but intelligent but actually funny" i mean they hit the jackpot of course but it cracks me up that that's his brand

did david ever watch succession? rob def did but i need more about it from both of them

sometimes i think about when david accepted his bafta for peep show and the music that was playing while he walked to the stage was "sex on fire" by kings of leon hahahahaha like what who was djing that night fr

where did charlie brooker go

speaking of back in the day — and i do mean back, like 15+ years ago — and my main panel show obsession was buzzcocks, there were a few non-comedians who would come on panel shows who were properly fucking funny, like martin freeman and josh groban, and i'd always pray they'd eventually come on again. and i think at the time the person at the top of my list was professor green. how random is that TT he was just always up for laugh and just so likable. i also LOVED the song "just good to be green" with lily allen in like 2010 lmaooo this really ages me :)

been really enjoying some old angus deayton-hosted stuff, like old hignfy and wilty. i got into panel shows after he'd stepped out of the spotlight, but i remember being crushed when i found out about his scandal. i also remember stephen fry standing up for him and chastising paul & ian publicly after That Episode of hignfy — which absolutely blew my mind, even though stephen has always said what he thinks — and i agreed with him and am not sure even today if i fully forgave paul & ian for how they treated angus. ik he's still here and there, but i wonder if we'll ever see him in any properly notable capacity again

just watched the latest hignfy actually and jack dee pheww he's ageing very nicely let me just say it and pheww emmanuel sonubi please and thank you. also, paul's outfit was quite nice. an enjoyment of the eyes indeed

i've been making a lot of typos in my gifs lately for literally no reason other than not proofreading my rushing and it's embarrazzing i'm gonna do better

speaking of gifs i have NOTHING!!! in my drafts folder. nothing. no content. nothing is made. nothing in the queue. [sigh] sounds like tonight we be bustin it out huh. idk about other gifmakers (i actually don't follow any other panel show blogs, but this isn't necessarily a panel show blog thing, just a regular original content thing) but i don't usually make gifs throughout the week — instead, like, marathon gif like two times a week and build up 10–20 drafts to post throughout the week. if you gif every single day or to keep up with all of the new content, it starts to become a chore, which is never fun :(

speaking of which i probably won't gif outsiders too much because people don't seem to care too much about it + the webrips are just...so ugly in gif form, even at 1080p! it's a dave thing fr, taskmaster used to be the same way -_-

okay here we go into gif mode btw i got some of your requests and will def make them!!

[countlessrealities]

Vaggie! Since this is apparently your show now, you have any tea you'd like to spill to the listeners?

Or maybe we could just ask about how things are going with Adam-?

Unprompted asks || Always accepting !

Oh no. No, no, no. She's not talking about Adam. Fuck that. Fuck it through Hell, Earth and Heaven and then back.

"Gossip? Sure! I can dish! I have plenty to dish!" She rushes to say, while he mind races even faster, trying to collect as many ideas as she can think of. "Where to even start from? So many options."

She lets out an exaggerated hum, letting herself fall in Alastor's chair. This can't be so hard, can it? Or at least she hopes.

"Perhaps I could tell you about the stuff Al eats for breakfast? I mean, we all know he's a cannibal, but did you know that he is technically it twice? His other favourite meat is venison. And he's a stag demon."

She snorts, glances down at the microphone and then kicks her feet on the desk. Maybe she's starting to understand why the Radio Demon enjoys this so much.

"What about some gossip from the Hotel? Like how you can't share the room with both Husk and Angel without wanting to puke these days! The unsolved romantic tension is soooo thick it makes you stupid like them!"

Okay, maybe it was a little uncalled for.

"Adam! Since you mentioned him! A little bird," and yes, that's a purposeful choice of words, "told me that he might or might not have a nursery to build."

She chuckles, but the sound is a little sharper than it should be coming from her. She twirls the microphone a little. Okay, this is much easier than she was expecting. It's actually fun.

"Oooh, speaking of angels! If you ever make it up there, for any reason, well...you're gonna have to bite your tongue hard not to make a comment about the length of the stick that's holding Sera's spine straight! Ah!"

Ooookay, where has that come from? Better steer away from any too personal subjects.

"Or maybe, since it's such a hot topic, you might be interested in knowing that Alastor and Vox will have another 'business meeting' soon. I don't have all the details, but it seems like he's taking Mr. Overcompensation out. To dance."

"Now, I don't know about you people, but that's not what I'd do on a professional meeting. I'm not the only one who smells bullshit, am I?"

And with that she throws her head back and laughs. A too high-pitched, too hysterical sound, and for a moment it's almost like there's a bit of static rising through the frequencies.

The electricity that fills the air snaps her out of it and Vaggie slaps a hand over her mouth. What the actual fuck?!

"Yeeeah, funny, right? Now, about some music? That's a thing in radiocasts, isn't it? Here we go!"

In a rush, she scrambles till she manages to kick on a random song. It's an old piece, but who cares. She just wants to get off the air.

Once that's done, she throws the microphone on the desk and pushes the chair back, to put some distance between her and the cursed thing.

"I am never touching you again. Never."

{ @creationtainted / @holoharbinger - mentioned }

[stagred]

　ANONYMOUS CALLED IN! : Dearest Alastor,

　It's me again. I have my doubts that this particular letter is appropriate to air. But I've been waiting to get this experience off my chest. A confessional, as ridiculous as that kind of thing is in Hell. You remember how things were around then. I think it was... 1931. Late in the year, around Christmas. It never dropped below freezing, but it was still cold. We didn't have modern heating as you know, especially out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. But as a young man on the farm I could at least bundle myself up under the blankets while I listened to the radio. I don't know what happened, but it got to your report, the latest news on the Shreveport Slaughter. I was excited. The first time I realized a man could make me excited like that. Of course it was that sonorous voice, but it was also the subject matter.

　I don't know why hearing the gory details made me feel that way. It wasn't really the victim. They were just a canvas. I know you understand. It was something about how I knew the killer was in complete control, something about the way I could connect it with your voice, envision you wielding that power over the victim. I didn't know the truth of the matter at the time, but it connected in my head without me even realizing the significance.

　It was the first time I pleasured myself thinking of a man.

　I know what I've just revealed is probably a bit crass for your tastes. I know you receive all kinds of letters that get sexually explicit. But consider it another way I can express my gratitude for you shaping me.

　FLUSTER ALASTOR! ACCEPTING!

　Oh! Well, if it isn't his favorite loyal listener! " Would you look at that, my dears! Another bit of correspondence from our anonymous admirer a while ago! Let's see... ' Dearest Alastor... ' "

　He reads the handwriting with passion, making flattered commentary here and there as he goes, but a few lines down, he starts to slow a bit. " ' ...but it connected in my head without me even realizing the significance. It was the first time I -- ' Oh! "

　It's unprofessional, but he goes silent for a moment to keep reading, feeling his face warm as he continues onward. The admirer is right, he's always gotten letters like this, but... something about this one is just driving itself into him a little deeper.

　" E - excuse me, listeners! I admit, I'm a bit caught off guard by our admirer's sign off! Apologies! Let's finish up this segment with a bit of Fred Astaire! " Mic off, music plays, and Alastor tucks in to his letter, embarrassed to admit that he finds his free hand settling rather low as he rereads the words.

[cotecoyotegrrrl]

Blue Christmas

( a little something for everyone who misses Rookie Blue and Gail and Holly )

The snow had started again, falling in a thick white sheet that covered the trash on the ground, and made the rundown neighborhood where they were waiting, and watching the front of the sleazy little bar look almost pretty. She sighed, and turned up the heat. It was going to be a long night.

"Sir?" the rookie beside her spoke up, "How long do you think we are going to be here?"

She rolled her eyes, and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel of the car, "I don't know Marcie, Sargent Shaw told us to be here until that loser we suspect robbed all of those elderly women shows up."

"Oh." He sounded a bit deflated.

"Sir? It's Harold, sir". He started again, "And you do know that it's Christmas tomorrow, right?"

She did know his name was Harold, and that it was Christmas tomorrow. In spite of always hating every single social climbing party her mother made her attend, she did miss having people to celebrate the holidays with, even though she would never admit it out loud to anyone. And that was at least part of the reason she took this crappy surveillance assignment in the first place. Fortunately Vince Guaraldi was playing on the radio and not some other mind-numbing Christmas music, even if her rookie was humming along.

"And your point is?" She turned to give him her best, deadly, fake smile.

"Umm… well…" She watched him squirm a little bit under her gaze, "It's Christmas Sir, and well... you know…"

"No Marcie, I don't know." She replied, "Why don't you tell me."

The new rookie kind of reminded her of Dov, back in the day, when he was oh so eager to prove himself, and yet, oh so annoyingly clueless.

"Well Sir, " He fidgeted, "Sargent Shaw made sure to tell me that if I didn't get you to the orphans Christmas party at the Penny tomorrow night, he would make sure I was stuck cleaning out the back of every squad car, every weekend until spring."

Oh, Oliver! Always trying to make sure she wasn't isolating herself. She smiled inwardly and shook her head.

"What." She demanded, and glared at the rookie who was staring at her. He did look like a deer in the headlights who was going to wet himself at any moment. She sighed.

"All right, all right, I'll go." she told him, rolling her eyes and watching him relax slightly.

The door of the bar opened, and two young men began to walk down the street, hoods of their puffy winter jackets up, hands shoved into the pockets of their jeans as they hunched against the cold. The rookie started to open the door of the car.

"Just where do you think you're going?" She asked, as she grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Well Sir…" the rookie began, but the men had already turned to look at the sound of the shutting car door, and started to run.

"Great." she cursed, "Ok Marcie, let's go!"

She pushed him out of the car, while shutting it off, grabbing the keys, and jumping out into the cold in one swift motion. God, she hated it when they ran!

"Eight seven two seven in pursuit of two subjects headed North on Brant St on foot" She radioed in, as she picked up her pace, "Requesting back up."

She was going to kill that rookie when they got back to the station! if Oliver didn't do it first. Her feet slid unsteadily on the ice beneath the newly fallen snow, and she watched the loser in front of her slip and fall as he attempted to duck into an alley. She steadied herself and leveled her taser at the seat of his pants

"Ok loser! Don't even think about getting up!" She told him in an overly sweet voice. "Or I'm gonna zap you in the nuts. Ten thousand volts straight to your junk," She gave him her very best, bright, fake smile, "So if you even think you might ever want to sit again, just don't."

She had him on his feet and one cuff on his wrist when she heard the shot. She pushed him roughly into a near by lamp post where she cuffed his arms around the pole, before taking off in the direction of the sound, cursing under her breath. Stupid rookie!

"Hey! Hey, you can't do this…!" She could here the loser yelling as she turned the corner into the dark alley. She ignored him and clicked on her radio.

"Eight seven two seven, shots fired in the vicinity of Brant St" She radioed in, and ran faster, feet sliding in the slick pavement, "Requesting back up… Now!"

"Fifteen oh seven responding." Chris's familiar voice crackled over her radio.

"Diaz! What's your twenty?" She demanded.

"I'm about three minutes out." Came the reply.

She breathed a sigh of relief, until she saw it. There was blood on the snow, glimmering black in the dim light.

Shit.

She drew her weapon and slowed her pace, glancing cautiously about.

"Forman?", She called out, hoping her rookie would answer.

Nothing.

"Marcie?" She called again.

"Halt! Drop your weapon!" She heard her rookie order from behind a stack of wooden pallets.

As she turned toward the sound, her feet slid in a patch of ice under the snow. There was a sickening crunch, the world spun out of control, and she hit the ground with a dull thud.

Great.

Bright headlights swept the alley where she found herself looking up at the darkly shifting clouds, and there was snow falling on her face. Breaks squealed, a car door slammed, and the sound of hurried footsteps crunched on the snow, heading in her direction.

"Gail?" Chris's worried face was bending over hers, "Were you shot? There isn't much blood… just some on the snow…" He was touching her face with a warm hand, "Come on Gail! Stay with me! Help is almost here!"

"Jesus Christ Chris! I only slipped on the ice and twisted my ankle. Stop touching me!" She snapped, "And where the hell is my rookie?"

She tried to sit up, but the world swam and white hot pain shot up her leg making her feel sick. She groaned softly and hoped he wouldn't notice.

"You don't look ok…" Chris continued, looking worried and lifting her up in his arms, as if she was a baby.

"Put me down Chris!" She demanded with a dangerous edge to her voice, "And tell me where Marcie is or I swear the blood you will see on the snow will be your own."

"OK. If you insist." He replied as he lowered her feet to the ground. "Forman is over with Callahan talking to him about firing his weapon at the perp, and Fox is by dumpster looking for the gun the suspect Forman was chasing threw away after firing it at the two of you. The perps are in custody in my cruiser, and Oliver wants to talk to you as soon as you get back to the House."

She instantly regretted standing up, as pain so sharp it made her grit her teeth shot up her leg as she put weight on it.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" She cursed as she tried to take a step toward Chris. He caught her just as she was about to fall. "Stupid rookie! Why couldn't he just stay in the car?!" She groaned.

"Come on Gail, I'm gonna take you to the hospital to have that ex-rayed just as soon as McNally and Price get here to collect your rookie, and bring the suspects in for questioning." He insisted.

"I'm fine Chris!" She glared at him. "I don't need to go to the hospital."

"Then I'm sure you don't need my help walking over to the car either." He said, letting go of her arm and standing back to look smugly at her with his arms crossed.

She tried to take a step forward, but her ankle gave way, her leg crumpled, and she landed on the ground with a muffled yelp.

"That's it!" He told her as he scooped her back up, "I'm taking you to the car, and then to the hospital."

She hit him on the shoulder to get him to put her down, but he ignored her.

❄️🎄❄️

It was late and it had been a long time since she had been in the bowels of Toronto General Hospital. In-fact, it had been a long time since she had been in Toronto at all. Why she had agreed to meet Lisa here instead of just meeting her and Rachael at the bar was beyond her. She was sure she already knew what Lisa was going to say about her latest failed relationship with Susan, an up and coming prosecutor in the San Francisco DA's office. She sighed, Lisa had told her to meet her here, but Lisa was nowhere to be found. Maybe Lisa had gotten called into emergency surgery at the last minute, as she was still working one weekend a month in the E.R. so she could keep her hospital privileges. Holly doubted it, but it was possible. She swore if she caught Lisa sneaking out of the supply closet with some random woman, again tonight, she was going to kill her!

After two years in San Francisco, she was home for the holidays, and maybe this was a mistake. She usually avoided big family celebrations, like Christmas, or weddings. The thought of the last wedding she attended flashed briefly through her mind, causing her to smile sadly, and shake her head. If she was going to be honest, if only to herself, she would have to admit that a large part of the reason she had come back had to do with the caustic, beautiful, complicated woman she had left behind. At the very least, she needed to attempt to retrieve the piece of her heart she had given away. At the very best… well… Gail didn't belong to her, and she was probably busy being a mom and therefore unavailable, or maybe she had found someone else. She almost hoped Gail had found someone else, someone who could make Gail happy. And yet, here she was back in Toronto, needing answers, and wanting to know if they could at the very least be a part of each other's lives. Not exactly a fairy tale.

The halls of the hospital down by radiology were dark and quiet as she continued her search. She was headed away from Lisa's office, and in the direction of the Emergency Room to find someone who could page her elusive friend, becoming more frustrated by the moment. If it wasn't for the fact that she would be meeting Rachael's new girlfriend for the first time, she would have just gone back to her sister's townhouse. Lisa be damned! She was just pulling her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans to call Rachael and tell her she would be on her way without Lisa when she heard it.

"I'll have a blue Christmas without you."

Someone was singing.

"I'll be so blue just thinking about you."

Someone who sounded just like drunk Gail doing her best Elvis impersonation over the phone last Christmas Eve, just after She had gotten home from her new job's holiday party. The sound made her freeze and her heart beat faster.

"Decorations of red on our green Christmas tree"

But Gail wouldn't be here unless… She felt herself flush with dismay, and started to walk quickly in the direction of that voice.

"Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me"

She picked up her pace as she entered the emergency room waiting area.

"and when those blue snowflakes start falling… that's when those blue memories start calling…"

The singing suddenly stopped. She sighed. It wouldn't be difficult for her to believe she had imagined the whole thing. After all she had conjured Gail in every dark bar, on every crowded street, and anywhere she saw the flash of short blonde hair and a leather jacket, or worse, at karaoke nights at her favorite lesbian bar, after she had had a drink or two, for the last two years.

Where was Lisa?! And God forbid anyone kept Lisa waiting! But somehow Lisa just couldn't afford her friends the same courtesy...

She felt her ire begin to rise again. As she stormed past the ambulance bay she noticed the police cruiser fifteen oh seven parked in between two ambulances and the fire department rescue truck.

Oh no!

She spun on her heel and headed for the admitting desk. She was just about to ask the charge nurse where Officer Gail Peck was, and use her old credentials if necessary to gain access to her, no matter how sketchy that might be, when Lisa came out of the nurses station.

"Holly! Hey!" Lisa exclaimed, in an overly cheery voice, as she rushed to greet her "We have had such a crazy night! I hope you weren't waiting long."

At least Lisa had the decency to look slightly guilty.

"I'm sure you were having a crazy night." She replied, pointedly looking at the pretty, young nurse's aid who blushed and smiled at Lisa as she scooted past them, "It would have been nice if you had let me know that you weren't in your office, but then again being considerate of others was never quite your strong suite."

"Oh, come now Holly," Lisa smirked, "I was just being helpful. You know how busy the holidays get."

The singing started up again.

"You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white…"

"Yeah, I bet you were…" She rolled her eyes, "By the way, is that Gail I hear in there singing?"

Lisa shrugged "Probably just some drunk who got into trouble on Christmas… you know how the holidays are…" she replied as she grabbed Holly by the elbow and hurried her toward the door to the staff parking garage. "Come on, Rachael is waiting!"

"And just who's fault is that?" She shot back with a glare, but reluctantly followed Lisa out into the night.

"But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas…"

Whoever was singing, she knew just how they felt.

🎄❄️🎄

It wasn't fair! She thought as she popped a painkiller into her mouth and washed it down with the last swig of her beer. Why did she always have to come to these stupid things? Couldn't they just leave her alone, and let her stay home for once? She wondered as she watched them all laughing and caring from her seat at the bar. The pain in her ankle seemed to throb in time to the cheery Christmas music too, making her scowl.

"How are you holding up there Peck?" Oliver materialized next to her, with her rookie at his side. "Good thing the two of you caught those guys, and now you can be here enjoying the festivities!" He clapped her on the shoulder.

"That's just great Oliver." She grumbled

"Sir? How is your foot Sir? Can I get you anything?" Her rookie asked with all the eagerness of a puppy.

The black eye he was sporting looked worse next to the white bandage on his cheek, and the one across his nose. He had run into a board sticking sideways out of a dumpster while chasing the perp down the dark alley. Luckily, the nails in the board, that had caught his cheek, had missed his eye. The doctors had told them he was very lucky indeed, but he had broken his nose when he slipped fell. All of the other rookies and some of the other cops were congratulating him like he was some kind of a hero. If the Division Fifteen's Holiday Party at the Black Penny hadn't been an open bar, he would have been cleaning up with people buying him drinks, and her too.

She held up her glass and looked sadly at it.

Oliver smirked and turned, "Yes Forman, why don't you go get Peppermint Patty here another round, and get us both a glass of that good bourbon, the one Angus keeps for me behind the bar." He said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

He turned back to to look at her in a fatherly way.

"What." She grunted.

"I'm glad you decided to come out tonight." He said with a smile.

"You told me to be here." She smiled back and then rolled her eyes at him.

"You know Darlin', you should come out to the cabin with Celery and me tomorrow and spend Christmas with us." He said

"I don't know…" She replied.

"Come on Gail," He went on, "I know you don't have any plans, Dov is going to meet his new girlfriend's family in Detroit, Chris will be with his son, Chloe and Frankie are…"

"Ugh!" She interrupted, "Don't remind me! I caught them defiling the rug underneath the Christmas tree when I got home from the hospital."

Oliver laughed, "And now that you are out on medical leave, you won't be working, so... " He paused to look seriously at her for a moment and leaned in conspiratorially, "Celery is quitting the healthy macrobiotic diet for the holidays. She will be making a Beef Wellington, with potatoes and gravy, and baking her grandmother's famous whiskey chocolate cake to honor her ancestors, she says."

"Well, " She replied, suddenly turning to brightly grin at him, "Why didn't you just say so!"

"Good!" He nodded, and smirked back at her, "Good. We will be expecting you then."

❄️☃️❄️

It was getting late as she stumbled from the bar, tired of all of the looks she had been getting all night. She wished they would just stop talking behind her back and say it to her face. Yes, she was a bitch, and worse, yes she was a Peck, and yes, she would have ended up alone on Christmas if it had not been for Oliver. And now she was in this stupid walking cast. She felt pathetic.

Last night had been a disaster. She hated hospitals with a passion, and running into someone she never wanted to see again didn't help her mood either. She and the rookie had been waiting in the emergency room for someone to look at the cut on his face, and for her x-rays to come back.

"Well, well, well, I see you haven't improved at running." That smug voice she would never forget spoke up.

She turned to glare at the doctor who was holding Forman's chart.

"What's wrong Bitchtits?" She replied, "Slumming in the emergency room tonight? Run out of women willing to let you go all Frankenstein on their boobs?"

Lisa huffed. "You should be pleased that someone with my expertise is on call and willing to stitch ip your partner so an ugly scar won't ruin his lovely babyface." She shot back.

"And I thought working on blue-collar, beat cops was beneath you." She rolled her eyes.

"You must be in a lot of pain with that fractured ankle," Lisa moved over to stand beside her.

And before she could say anything, or stop her, Lisa had hit the button on the morphine pump that she had not used yet on her IV, and the world started spinning out of control.

She leaned heavily on her crutches as she hobbled toward the bus stop. She had escaped from the hospital just after dawn, getting a ride home with her rookie. She didn't tell him that they wanted to admit her for observation. It had all become too much; the pain, the nightmares, the hospital, and vivid memories of the Christmas she spent with Holly were all haunting her. She just needed to be left alone. She knew she should be cold, but the combination of alcohol and painkillers was making her pleasantly warm and sleepy. She sat down on the bench to wait for the bus and closed her eyes. Just for a little while. Just as the snow began to fall again.

"Hey!"

Someone was shaking her.

She was dreaming about eating bacon and donuts in bed with Holly. Light was streaming through the curtains of Holly's bedroom, making her skin glow. Her stomach growled.

"Hey Gail!" They said again, a little bit louder this time.

She was just about to tell them to fuck off when she opened her eyes and fell into the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. She knew she must still be dreaming. She wondered what Holly was doing now, and hoped that she was happy in San Francisco. The woman who often haunted her dreams smiled that maddening crooked smile, the one that could make her do anything, and tilted her head adorably at her.

"Gail! Hey!" Holly said again.

She smiled back, and laughed to herself.

"You said that already." she replied, knowing that at any second Dream Holly would disappear.

"I knew it sounded familiar." Holly's voice was warm, but her eyes were worried.

It was just like Holly had been on the night she had cut off all of her hair in the bathroom of Holly's townhouse.

"Come on Gail, let's get you into the car before you freeze to death." Holly continued

"I'm waiting for the bus." She told Dream Holly confidently, with a sleepy grin.

"Wouldn't you rather get a ride home in my nice warm car?" Holly asked, a little bit more forcefully.

She laughed. Holly would want her to do that. Too bad this was only a dream.

"I bet you say that to all the girls." She smirked at Dream Holly.

"Only the really drunk ones." Holly rolled her eyes, "Now come on Gail, seriously, get in the car."

Dream Holly was awfully pushy.

"Ok." She conceded, "But only if we can keep eating bacon. I'm not that easy you know."

Holly looked amused, made a really rude noise in the back of her throat, and answered, "Oh… I know!"

Dream Holly was laughing at her again, and helping her to her feet.

🎄❄️🎄

It was the light that woke her, the brightness of sunlight on snow, and the smell of bacon cooking. She cuddled further into the warm nest of her pillow that smelled like Holly without opening her eyes. It's funny, she thought sleepily, how you can remember simple things about a person, like the way they smell. The light was beginning to annoy her. That and the throbbing pain in her ankle. She knew that she should take an other pain killer, but she didn't want to feel that out of control, again. She wondered who had come in and opened the drapes in her bedroom. She was going to have to give Chloe a stern talking to, even if she was cooking bacon.

She heard the sound of her bedroom door opening. Damn it! She really was going to kill that tiny little muppet! Why had she told Chloe that she could move into her second bedroom when she broke up with Dov for the last time? She opened her eyes and realized she wasn't in her own bed. She sat up with a start to see Holly closing the door behind her, juggling a tray with two cups of coffee and what looked like Gail's phone.

What the..?

"Yeah, she's just waking up. Thanks Oliver, I will have her call you back after she has her first cup of coffee." Holly laughed and smiled into the phone, "Yeah, I'll ask her what she thinks about that."

She could feel her heart starting to melt as Holly turned to smile at her.

"Yes. Of Corse! No need to thank me." Holly responded, "Yes! It's been nice talking with you too… Ok… bye." she hung up the phone.

"Holly? What… what are you doing here?" She sputtered when she could form words.

Holly sat on the edge of the bed placing the tray with two coffees and a plate of bacon between them.

"Well," Holly replied slowly, "Right now I'm bringing you some breakfast."

"Wait…" She said looking around her at the once familiar bedroom of Holly's old townhouse, "Wait… wait! What am I doing here?"

"Well," Holly tilted her head with a twinkle in her eye, "You did say you would come with me if I kept feeding you bacon." She picked up a crispy, fragrant, brown piece of greasy goodness and waived it at Gail who opened her mouth reflexively to receive it.

"Mmmm but why are you here, here?" She replied, still chewing with her mouth full and waiving the remaining stump meat in her hand.

"It is Christmas," Holly replied, "And I missed you."

She couldn't seem to help it. She swallowed thickly. Holly's lips were like a magnet drawing her in. And kissing her was everything she had remembered and was better than any pain killer she could take to make her forget her ankle. It was like sunshine, and hope, and yes, like the best Christmas morning ever! When they finally broke apart, slightly out of breath, foreheads touching.

she whispered "What about San Francisco?"

"I'm on Sabbatical for the next six months working on a research project here in Toronto." Holly whispered back,

She leaned in capturing Holly's lips again, and then her brain kicked in. Damn it! "Wait.. wait! Holly? We need to talk." She said regretfully.

"I know… I know.." Holly replied. "I guess being a mom has made you the responsible one."

"I'm not." She felt her throat clench at the thought of Sophie, but she was just glad that Sophie had a real family right now, and yet… "I didn't get to be Sophie's mom."

"Oh. i'm sorry." Holly looked sad, and concerned.

"No, it was for the best." She replied, closing her eyes against the tears that threatened to fall, "And so was your move to San Francisco."

"Gail." Holly said softly, "Gail, look at me."

She opened her eyes to find Holly's face mere inches from her own. Kissing Holly again reminded her of everything she had been missing over the past twenty two months, and two days, and sixteen hours, not that she was counting. It was intoxicating.

"I missed you too!" She murmured into Holly's lips.

Holly turned and carefully placed their breakfast tray on the bedside table to give herself more room to scoot closer on the bed.

"Oliver wanted to know when he should expect you, and if I would like to come up to the cabin too." Holly told her.

"Later." She replied, grabbing Holly by the collar of her hoodie to drag her flush on top of her, "But right now, we have so much lost time to make up for!"

"Ok." Holly grinned knowingly at her, taking care not to bump her injured leg, before leaning back in to kiss her full and deep.

She sighed happily, and thought, best Christmas ever! And then there was no more thinking.

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 6/8/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Death Grips - Hacker: nothing super unique to say about it other than that it's genuinely just one of the best songs. like probably ever. we know this

Limp Bizkit - Clunk: smiles. it's me. clunk is nowhere near my favorite song on three dollar bill y'all but it's like. the best of the bad songs. it never could have been a single bc it doesn't have the strength and the hook is wimpy as fuck but i have fun with it :) i like the part where fred says clunk a bunch of times and i like the breakdown :) come closer i am normal about this album

Ada Rook - TRU U (Live at ELECTROPUNKz 2023): ah, rook's performance at electropunkz. another thing that i am normal about. i believe i've professed my love for the album this song is from before, so i'll save that ramble, but i had a lot of fun with the live ep here. and tru u is such a fucking banger i love every second of it, from the silly anime sample at the beginning to the little pause in the last chorus where the word "death" intrudes. i've said before: ada rook makes the music that i wish i made. this remains true

Danny Burstein & Jessica Hecht - Do You Love Me?: i've had Theatre on the Brain for the past week or so, which led me to listen to the soundtrack to a show that my high school did (although i didn't work on that show myself, i knew people who did). fiddler on the roof is a good show imo, and while i don't really feel qualified to talk about some of the more complex subject matter of a lot of the play, this song is relatively accessible and also drives me a little crazy. i just can't get over the careful, straight-faced profession of love between two characters who never considered before that their marriage might be anything more than a practical and social necessity. it's a tribute to the fact that sometimes love is unglamorous, sometimes it's really as bland as spending all your time with someone just because they're there and while that might not be the fairy tale we all like to imagine, it doesn't make the love worthless. tevye and golde SAY that it doesn't change a thing, but i don't think we're meant to believe them. it doesn't change their often grim material lives and daily realities, true, but i like to think that knowing there's love between them will make the rest of their days just that tiny bit sweeter. i'm so normal about this

Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea (Live on MTV Unplugged): links to this post. it's just so crazy to me. we had five or so years of kurt cobain screeching the most agonized poetry the music industry has ever seen, cutting through the bullshit of shiny happy pop music and voicing the blood and death and sickness of an entire generation, and now they're just remembered as that one old band who did the song you hear people playing at guitar center. i command of you. actually really listen to this band, take the time to go through some deep cuts, listen to the weird little eps and bonus tracks and shit. there's so much to uncover. this song came on shuffle at one point and i just was floored by it all once again, so it's here as representative of the sentiment

Cab Calloway - St. James' Infirmary: i've been obsessed with an old betty boop cartoon that features this song, which i put in the youtube playlist. you might have seen a clip from it making some rounds on tumblr, but the full thing is worth a watch. cab calloway was known for his flamboyant performances, but all that energy takes on kind of a dark, unsettling tone when placed in the context of the moderately-fucked-up cartoon. good stuff

Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song): i've never been much of a billy joel fan but i've felt the need to explore more of his stuff after getting into this one. it came on the radio in the car and i was on an easygoing road so i got the chance to really LISTEN to it, y'know. like i've probably heard it in passing a million times, and my dad and i would always make fun of the "heart atTACK ACK ACK ACK ACK" part, but when i really listened to it... it's a damn good song! got that earnest, heart-aching singer-songwriter realness. who knew!

Skee-Lo - I Wish: TWO new todd videos since the last WILT, so you know that shit is making an appearance. i genuinely really love this song, i think it's so fun and creative with an *amazing* sample, i kinda wish skee-lo had gotten a little better than he did. you should follow my nu metal tournament blog, because i'm gonna put a bunch of other non-nu metal polls up when the bracket's done, and skee-lo is gonna make an appearance. i need more skee-lo warriors, basically. that rabbit in a hat thing is bullshit though

Caravan - The Dog, The Dog, He's At It Again: this is a find from charlotte charlottan's "Intro to Prog" playlist that i immediately fell in love with. it's so floaty and lovely, while managing to both gesture towards a wide variety of themes AND be catchy as all hell. it's good song, basically. i know nothing about caravan so that's basically it, but it's even got dog in the title :V

Parkway Drive - Boneyards (Live): it doesn't technically count as a repeat bc this is the live version!!!! i just love this shit so much. relistening to horizons after having not heard it for so long was such a breath of fresh air (this was like 3 months ago and i'm still talking about it lmao). i love the big stupid breakdown so much, boneyards has nearly permanently entered my rotation of songs to imagine myself performing. i also just love to imagine like. picture going to some punk or metal festival around the time horizons came out, and parkway is there, and your buddy is like yooo come on we GOTTA see these guys they fuckin kill live. and you're maybe not really familiar with them but you figure it's worth checking out. and they play this song and you're like damn yeah this is pretty good. and then the fucking breakdown happens!!!!!! i feel like you'd just be standing there and realize wow. i'm going to die in this pit. and that's really the feeling i'm pining for

Scatman John - Scatman's World: now some of you in the crowd may be familiar with our friend the scatman.... i've personally had my eyes opened to a whole slew of scatman hits that i never even knew about thanks to the enthusiasm of local scatman expert violet gec (hi violet!!!!!) and although this particular track is one i already knew of, i expect a lot of you might not know it. go ahead and take a step into scatman's world, baby! it's a beautiful place! and also the song will get stuck in your head despite your inability to mimic the sounds he makes!

underscores - Count of three (You can eat $#@!): i'm a pretty casual underscores fan, i just know songs here and there, but i do really like what i hear. count of three is SUCH an earworm, and i love a good "fuck you" song when it's done correctly. i also just appreciate the quality of the censoring job in the title. it's not perfect but there's effort... a lot of people just pick four random characters but here, $ obviously looks like S, # is similar to H, and so on. these are the kinds of things i think about

Bring Me The Horizon - AmEN!: continuing to ask the question of "what the hell are these guys doing ever and why does it sound good." first of all, we have to address the lil uzi feature. that makes... two? i think it's just two fuckin international pop stars that bmth have collaborated with. i mean, i know uzi is a rapper but considering rap's dominance in the pop sphere and their sheer popularity, i think i'm justified in calling a pop rapper a pop star. it's been said to death, but it's just crazy that these guys have become one of the biggest rock acts around considering where they started. as for the song itself, it's not like... my favorite? but it's cool, it's catchy. i don't find their lyrics nearly as impactful now as i did when 1. i was younger and 2. they wrote about suicide and nihilism and shit all the time. i guess the themes are still dark but it all just kinda washes over me now. i'm just here for the heavy heavy and the big chorus, and that's what i got. so i'm happy :)

Everclear - I Will Buy You A New LIfe: as you may have seen, i had a big sappy emotional moment for a few days at the end of last month, and that had me returning to my roots. post-grunge. a genre with no shortage of lame pop rock relationship tunes, including this one. i even made a playlist of sappy songs, of which this was one. i just like the idea of pledging all these expensive things to someone you love, but doing it as kind of a joke. like the sentiment is real, but you both know that's never gonna happen, because all you really have to offer is yourself. and hopefully that's enough. it's like if two princes by the spin doctors was less fun. i fuck with it mildly

Third Eye Blind - Jumper: that's right folks. not one, but TWO mellow and corny 90s rock tunes. i have nothing to say about this song other than that it's pretty good and, more importantly, you should watch the most recent trainwreckords video (told you we'd get both todd videos in here). i've even conveniently included that very video in the youtube playlist :) DO IT

Kesha - Eat The Acid: i listened to and enjoyed the new kesha album, but this single was definitely the song that stuck in my mind above all the others. it just made such an impression. even in her current era, i don't think i or anyone else expecting... this. it's very psychedelic, and while it doesn't completely deviate from pop by any means, i think it's a pretty bold step for her and i hope it pays dividends. i would be 100% down for more strange experimental kesha, i wanna see where this goes

Tina Turner - What's Love Got to Do with It: tina turner is featured on two WILTS in a row... if only the circumstances weren't so unfortunate. as i'm sure i said last time, she was a fantastic vocalist, and her biggest hit here gave her the space to really holler. i thought it was fitting as well to put this song right next to eat the acid, as both are the returning singles of women finally casting themselves free (or at least attempting to) of the figures that tied them down and abused them in the music industry. What's Love might reek of the 80s, but it's the good 80s. and for the record, i went back and listened to the full album and found a lot to like about it. RIP to a legend, for real

Roxy Radclyffe - YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME: another song whose presence is moreso indicative of a broader listening trend. i've been really interested in this artist's work recently, although i haven't had the opportunity to really dive headfirst in yet. i discovered her through a rym/bandcamp rabbit hole and was fascinated by the quanitity of projects she has running. i would recommend checking out her neocities and poking around, i've found some interesting stuff so far. definitely the kind of thing i think my crowd of oddballs on tumblr dot com could enjoy

[wastrelwoods]

super interested in mille-fleur!!!

HELL YEAH well the good news is I have some of this one posted already so there is some u can read on ao3. but also i feel like showing off this little vignette I'm gonna find space for in the next chapter somewhere so. doin THAT under the cut (content warning for animal death)

“Farmers who hand-rear lambs,” Hannibal says, one of their evenings together in the kitchen of the safehouse suspended over the Atlantic. “Have the duty of matching up the orphans to the mothers whose offspring did not survive.”

Abigail looks up from her work and tilts her head so that his words will fall on the right side to hear him better. He steps closer and places his hands over hers to adjust her grip on the filleting knife. His voice and his touch are careful and even, so as not to startle her into spoiling dinner with one badly aimed cut. “N’oublies pas les joues,” he directs, showing her where to place the knife at the side of the trout’s head to remove each cheek. 

Hannibal usually lapses into French or Italian while he cooks. It might be for the sake of her ongoing language lessons or his own routine; she hasn’t asked which. Abigail hums and does as instructed, frowning for an instant at the tiny round cuts of flesh, wondering idly what purpose Hannibal wants to put them to later.

He steps away again and continues, “Most ewes will not easily accept a stranger's young to rear. They will starve a lamb they do not recognize by smell, or kill it. A farmer must trick the nose.” Abigail feels a wrinkle pull between her brows, a frown tug at her face. When she looks back over her shoulder she can see his expression is still and placid, though his eyes sparkle to have caught her interest. “One common method is to remove the hide of the dead lamb and wrap the living one inside it.”

"Must be strange for the lamb,” she says wryly, trying to picture it.  

Hannibal smiles, wide and pleased. The knife in his hand falls rhythmically to chiffonading herbs. "A lamb only knows the simple drive to eat and live. They are hardly able to distinguish one parent from another. I imagine they take on their coats without complaint.”

The fish takes precedence over the conversation for a little while as he examines the product of her work with a considering eye. There is only the faint sound of string music over the radio and quiet murmurings in French about the way to fill the cavity of the body, to arrange the pleated parchment paper and the herbs and citrus and vegetables and aromatics in careful sequence, to fold the package all together and place it in the steamer basket just so. Somewhere in the proceedings Abigail sneaks just the right glance sidelong at his face and realizes, unexpectedly, that they were not talking only about her father before. 

Hannibal sets the fish to cook in its careful wrapping and dries his hands on one of the soft muslin towels. Abigail picks up a discarded sprig of rosemary and twirls it between her fingers, thinking. 

Eventually she clears her throat and asks outright, turning to rest her back against the counter. “So you have me wrapped up in somebody else’s skin. Do I get to know who?” 

The precise clarity of Hannibal’s silence is answer enough. He turns away and busies himself with opening and pouring himself a glass of wine. When goes to set the table, though, he pauses, bending to press a kiss to the crown of her head as he walks by.

She doesn’t expect to hear anything more on the subject, even if the thought keeps her turning the fork over and over in her hand while she picks apart flakes of fish, trying to sit up straight and tall in her chair and look as though she is thinking of nothing at all. Hannibal sets his fork and knife down and tilts his head at her with a long, careful glance, and still she nearly misses it. 

“My sister died young,” he says, simply, as if it were only another parable about the rearing of lambs. She feels a current pass between them, a silent understanding of traumatic circumstances. The unimaginable that can only be voiced in small ways and in quiet moments for fear of letting too heavy a weight fall from where it has been resting over their heads. He smiles again, but the smile is not directed precisely at her. “There is a psychological phenomenon called pareidolia by which we are drawn to perceive the shapes of faces in things. Human error. We prescribe connection and meaning to random patterns of shape and light and shadow. The faces of those we love, especially, we find relentlessly reflected over and over in the faces of the crowd.”  

“I see my father all the time,” she admits, and spears another piece of the fish. “But you knew that.” 

Hannibal lifts his glass, and the thought of a drop of blood falling into the bowl of the glass paints vividly across her imagination, spreading and staining until the wine goes pitch-dark red. “I do.”

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Janet Jackson - The Velvet Rope

Fuck this 500 album thing imma have to deep dive on Janet Jackson for a bit cause I've now heard three albums by her and they are all fucking amazing. This album is the logical progression from Rhythm Nation in the best possible way. It's still dedicated to the R&B and hip hop fusion but Jackson's conception of both genres has been fully updated for the 90s. Miss Jackson is still politically conscious, but instead of a militant anger there's a focus on queer liberation and generally just a softer edge to the whole album. Well softer when she isn't talking about domestic violence, losing friends to AIDS, or BDSM play. You could be forgiven for thinking she was coming out as bi in this one considering the way she sings about both men and women, but apparently she just had a lot of gay friends and wanted to rep them on this album. And that's why Janet Jackson is a queer icon!

Billie Holiday - Lady In Satin

Raspy and fragile, while also tonally rich and vibrant. The voice of Billie Holiday in her later career is so emotionally powerful. She's wrapped in the lush arrangements of a symphony orchestra and it's fitting, but I don't think I prefer it to her usual backing bands. Still, I'm A Fool To Want You and Glad To Be Unhappy are two of my favorites. It kinda doesn't matter right? Like she could be singing the phone book and it would sound amazing and sincere.

The Who - The Who Sell Out

This is such a genuinely funny concept. As a tribute to the pirate radio stations that were the driving force behind the UKs mod scene The Who decided to write a concept album that was supposed to represent a pirate radio broadcast, commercials and all. There's a track that's just a jingle for Heinz baked beans, there's an entire song that just ends up having been a deodorant ad the whole time, there's a reminder from radio London to 'go to the church of your choice'. And between all the goofs The Who are genuinely striding the line between being mods, hard rockers, and psychedelic musicians as if they weren't also engaging in the stupidest joke of their career.

Rosalía - El Mal Querer

Oh man I'm once again stuck admitting that Latin pop music is one of my weakest subjects. Like I can tell that this is experimental flamenco, but what that means in any larger context is lost in me. I like the way it sounds. Rosalía has a voice that would be as at home on an avant garde experimental recording as any modern pop album and the music follows that lead. Somewhere between classical flamenco, pop star, and expressionist yet the album still manages to be accessible to someone who has no idea what she is supposed to be listening for.

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, July 6th, 2024.

Did you wake up cranky? Not initially. I woke up around 4:30am, used the bathroom, then got back into bed and listened to a YT video as I attempted to drift back to sleep. However, at some point, my dad came upstairs and said "HELLO!" a couple of times and I was just like…wtf. Later, I realized I left the light on in the bathroom, so he probably saw the light under the door and assumed I was up.

Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No.

Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? My only friend is male, but I wouldn't call that a preference. It's just the way things worked out. As far as a general preference goes, I'm not sure. I don't think I have enough experience with friendship at this stage in my life to say. But if we vibe, we vibe…?

Would you ever smile at a stranger? Yeah.

Can you commit to one person? In the sense that I wouldn't cheat on someone, sure. In the sense that I could refrain from self-sabotaging or creating some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy? Well, that remains to be seen. I'm in a much better place than I was in the past, but I don't think I'm ready for or capable of sustaining a healthy relationship.

How do you look right now? Like a hot mess, but I'm comfy and that's what matters.

What exactly are you wearing right now? Dark blue sweatpants, a blue tank-top, and a black hoodie.

How often do you listen to music? I typically only listen to it while driving to/from the animal shelter. Or at the animal shelter, if they happen to have the radio on.

Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Sweats or something similar. I rarely ever wear jeans.

Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014? Lol, let's go with 2024 instead. Compared to early 2023, my life has drastically improved. Since about March of last year, it's been this steady upward spiral.

Are you a social or an antisocial person? It's complicated. I'm not antisocial, I'm not even sure I'm an introvert, but I am incredibly shy. I know I need to be around people for the sake of my mental health, but sometimes human interactions leave a lot to be desired and it's just like…why do I even subject myself to this…? But then again, I also feel strangely enriched by these interactions, even the less than pleasant ones, because they're a million times better than the isolation I was enduring before. People. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I'm not interested in anyone.

Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yeah. Volunteering around so many different personalities has taught me how to play the professional game. Regardless of how I personally feel about others, I try to treat everyone with decency and respect.

Can you drive a stick shift? No. But I CAN drive now! I started relearning last autumn.

Do you care if people talk badly about you? Eh. I can't say I don't care whatsoever, but I've come to the general conclusion that what other people think/say about me is none of my business.

Are you going out of town soon? I could really use a trip to the Mountain Park.

When was the last time you cried? I'm not sure. It's been a while.

Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? I don't think so.

If you could change your eye color, would you? Yellow or gray eyes would be cool, but I'm fine with what I have.

Name something you have to do tomorrow? Volunteering. Vacuum/dust the family room and kitchen seating area.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. Nothing major. It's just felt a bit out of sorts.

Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yeah.

Are you nice to everyone? Pretty much.

What are you sitting on right now? A computer chair.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yeah.

Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yeah.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My dad.

Do you get a lot of colds? No. I had one for about a month last Sept/Oct, though. My nose just would NOT stop running.

Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No.

Does anyone hate you? I have no idea.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Basically.

Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah.

Are you a jealous person? Not nearly as much as I used to be, but there are vestiges.

If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Maybe 2014. I don't remember much about it anyway.

Did you have a dream last night? Yeah.

Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? My dad.

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No. Probably not. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get married.

Do you think someone has feelings for you? No.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I guess it's possible. Did you have a good day yesterday? Yeah.

Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? No.

Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Routine-wise, it's not entirely dissimilar. I was doing a paid work experience through DVR at a local pet shop, so much like now, I had somewhere I had to be on a regular basis. Internally, though, it's like night and day. I'm in a significantly better place in terms of mental health. In that sense, it's almost like I was a different person.

If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? The person I wish I could be with doesn't even exist. They're just a figment of my imagination. :'(

What’s the best part about school? Not being in it anymore.

Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I don't use Facebook.

Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I did.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah.

Were you single over the last summer? I was.

What are you supposed to be doing right now? There's nothing else I'm supposed to be doing.

Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? He's my dad; so no, not to me.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Anything about NWP?

Now that we got that settle down, I suppose I'll start the meeting.

Now that we realize these issues and problems; the music, the food, the broadcast and radio waves - it seems that we fail to consider those that are effected.

Indeed, given what we just learn and seen; I think it's easy to say those that were wearing those helmets might be drugged and could suffer a drug withdrawal.

And for that, we have a solution which Future Foundation has allow us to present this project they have been working on!

A project that Future Foundation created, well now I'm curious. What's it call?

Well first let me show you the data...

*Yoruko takes out a pad and presses a button*

Everyone at the meeting, may I present you with the Neo World Program; a device that Future Foundation is creating that is going to be release publicly and help those that had suffer from the tragedy.

I had my doubts at first but hearing how it works and seeing the results, it seems to have the ability to replace memories of the tragedy with those in the simulation and if asking, yes they are still working on it but they are testing it for bugs.

Yep and it was say that by the start of January or December, will have this project up and running!

???: So this project could help others return back to normal, is it being tested on?

Yes it is, in fact they tested it for 50 days and the subjects had return to normal.

However there were some bugs and glitches in the simulation but they are ironing it out.

I suppose it would make sense, wouldn't it? After all bringing it out now while it's still buggy could lead to issues...

Indeed and it could help many others that suffer from the tragedy as well, so we should work with this and-.

Are you kidding me, this is what your suggesting? Some device that we have no idea about or if it even worse, are you really that stupid?

*Everyone turns towards Kanade and mutters*

...

Kanade... don't interrupt...

Why not? After all given you rejected my idea, and even then the idea you came up with isn't any better, isn't that also brainwashing?

I'm not saying that, all I'm saying is that your idea is very unethical and we aren't even sure it would work, Future Foundation is working on this which they are testing it right now to help the population recover, that's all.

Or maybe your only agreeing because your just being a lazy ass, not doing your job and just want to find an alternative issue then my idea.

Yet here you are, wanting to rely on the damn foundation that only judges people for their talent, places them in a box which you were stuck as a shitty intern because you were working at a job while you were a minor - maybe instead of relying on those entitled pricks, you do your damn job since all you do is talk to a bunch of weak-willed people that can't deal with the hardships of the tragedy, pathetic.

N-No no, of course! All I was suggesting this solution; that's it!

Or you just admitting that your lazy and want to rely on some dumb machine that we don't know if it doesn't work or not.

Yeah your totally lazy, Dr. Kabuya - a failure of a guidance councilor!

Oh boy... here we go again...