#k not a TERRIBLE AU per say

[quest-draws]

AU: Lucretia and Dupree as Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur

[blackswan18]

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 51 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 8.2k

warnings: none

Chapter 51: The Candle And The Sun

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The moment the paramedics closed the ambulance doors, the gravity of the whole situation finally started sinking in. You had a terrible fight with Tae during which you accused him of cheating and still needed to have what would surely be a heart wrenching conversation with him about it. Your secret was out and you were going to be fired. And, you had fainted, been unconscious for over a minute, and were now headed to the hospital, one of your least favorite places on Earth.

Each one of those experiences was incredibly stressful in and of itself so the fact that they all occurred within the span of an hour was downright overwhelming. As the ambulance roared to life, you could feel the panic beginning to envelop you, but then suddenly Mrs. Choi reached over from where she was sitting beside you and took your hand. She didn’t say anything, just gave you a smile which you returned, but with that small, simple gesture you felt yourself instantly relax. You weren’t alone. It was going to be OK. Taking a deep, steadying breath, you pulled out your phone with your free hand and sent a few quick messages to Tae.

[Taehyung 7:52 PM] I know you’re busy meeting with Bang PD, but I just want to say I’m so sorry for everything.

[Taehyung 7:52 PM] Thank you for taking care of me and sticking up for me and coming with me.

[Taehyung 7:53 PM] I love you and I’ll see you soon.

The drive went by rather quickly and before you knew it, you were being wheeled into the emergency department at the Seoul National University Hospital. Bypassing the horde of people in the waiting room, you were immediately escorted to a private, secluded room just as Bang PD had requested. It looked a little on the nicer side compared to the other hospital rooms you’d had the misfortune of frequenting throughout your mom’s illness, but all in all it was about what you were expecting: cold, sterile, depressing. Thankfully you weren’t alone when the admissions nurse left the room; Mrs. Choi was there to help you get settled in and keep your nerves from running amuck. Even still, you were anxiously waiting for Tae to arrive.

[Taehyung 8:14 PM] Just got to the hospital.

[Taehyung 8:18 PM] I’m in room 304.

[Taehyung 8:20 PM] Mrs. Choi said she can meet you at the back entrance when you arrive and bring you here.

While you waited to hear back from Tae, Mrs. Choi and you made idle chit chat. To your surprise, she did not chastise you for your blatant disregard of the rules of your contract. In fact, she didn’t say anything at all about the massive revelation from the roof and the consequences you were surely going to suffer as a result. On the contrary, she was nothing but supportive, reassuring you numerous times that everything was going to be OK and urging you to rest. Her presence was extremely comforting and you found yourself feeling increasingly grateful that she had offered to come with you.

When the door to your room opened fifteen minutes later, your heart immediately leapt thinking Tae had finally made it, but it sunk back down just as quickly when you realized your visitor was just another nurse. After Mrs. Choi quietly excused herself to the waiting room to give you privacy, the nurse began doing an examination. She checked your vitals again and asked you some general questions about your health and medical history. Next, she had you go into the en-suite bathroom to provide a urine sample so they could run some tests. Finally, she drew some of your blood so even more tests could be done. Once you were done with all that, she let you know that a doctor would be in with you shortly and then exited the room, leaving you alone for the first time since everything happened.

[Taehyung 8:38 PM] They just took my blood and I didn’t even cry.

[Taehyung 8:38 PM] You would be so proud.

[Taehyung 8:39 PM] But, I still wish I could have held your hand.

[Taehyung 8:40 PM] Are you close?

[Taehyung 8:45 PM] Or at least only your way?

You couldn’t deny that you were beginning to get ever-so-slightly stressed that Tae hadn’t arrived yet or, at the very least, responded to your texts. Back on the roof, Bang PD had made it seem like their conversation would be brief, but it had now been over an hour since you left Big Hit. If the whole point of letting Tae come was so that he could be with you during the examinations and procedures and other things that frightened you, why was Bang PD keeping him this long?

When the door opened again a little while later and it once again wasn’t Tae, but rather your doctor, your heart plummeted even further. She was an older woman with a kind face and an even kinder voice, but her warm smile did nothing to calm your nerves. She agreed with the paramedic’s initial assessment, that you fainted due to a combination of low blood sugar from not having dinner and emotional distress from your fight. However, she did still order an electrocardiogram to check for any heart arrhythmias and said a technician would come by soon to administer the test. After telling you to just sit tight and giving you another encouraging smile, she then left the room.

[Taehyung 9:01 PM] They’re going to do an ECG to make sure my heart is OK.

[Taehyung 9:01 PM] I’m kind of nervous.

[Taehyung 9:02 PM] I hope you can get here soon.

As the seconds ticked by and still you received no response, your heart sank lower and lower and lower. You knew an ECG was a standard, completely harmless procedure, but you still wanted Tae there with you when it was performed. You wanted him to hold your hand and rub your thumb with his and remind you that everything was going to be OK. For twenty minutes you sat there staring at your phone, willing it to light up with a message notification, but sadly none ever came. When the door finally opened again and the ECG technician wheeled in the machine, your heart crashed down on the cold basement floor of your chest. Fighting back tears, you sent off a few more messages before putting your phone away so the test could begin.

[Taehyung 9:12 PM] Tae?

[Taehyung 9:12 PM] Is everything OK?

[Taehyung 9:13 PM] Are you still coming?

The second the tech left the room a half hour later, you glanced down at your phone only to be met with the same devastating sight as before: no new messages. Reading and rereading the unanswered string of evermore desperate-sounding ones you sent to Tae, a pit grew in your stomach as you began seriously considering the possibility that he wasn’t actually coming. You wondered if Bang PD changed his mind and decided not to let him come after all or worse, if he never intended for Tae to come in the first place and had only said that so he would leave the roof. You would be disappointed to learn that either of those things were true, but both of them were better than the other explanation swirling through your mind: that Tae had decided not to come.

He had been so affectionate and protective back on the roof, and had promised that the two of you would be OK, but what if that had just been a gut reaction? What if he had only acted that way because he felt guilty that you fainted? What if, now that the crisis was over and he’d had time to think through everything that happened, he was having second thoughts about you and your future together?

You knew it wasn’t productive or healthy to contemplate such things, but you couldn’t help it. You were alone and anxious, physically exhausted and emotionally unstable. The memory of Tae’s reaction to your accusation played on an endless loop in your mind, how his face had crumpled and his lower lip began to tremble before the first few tears slowly spilled out. He looked heartbroken, absolutely shattered, and it was all your fault. If he couldn’t forgive you for the hurt you’d caused and didn’t want to be with you anymore, could you even blame him?

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you tried to corral your toxic, wandering thoughts. He promised he would be there and he promised you two would be OK. He promised. He wouldn’t break that promise. He wouldn’t have said those words if he didn’t mean them.

Right?

In an attempt to calm yourself down, you started singing ‘Sweet Night’ in your head. You tried to imagine the way Tae had done it back on the roof, how soft and soothing his voice had been, but the melody running through your mind right now was the opposite of comforting. It was unmistakably sorrowful, but two lines in particular had your breath hitching and your heart leaping up into your throat.

Now my forever’s falling down Wondering if you’d want me now?

Tae told you once that he wrote ‘Sweet Night’ from the perspective of his future self. Years from now, once he left BTS and you left Big Hit and the rules of your contracts no longer applied, he would come find you and confess his love. The window that was your time spent as colleagues and friends would be closed, but the door to your future as so much more would be wide open. You would walk through it together and the sadness of having once been ‘ships in the night’ would be forgotten entirely.

Unfortunately, that beautiful, picture perfect scenario is not the one that ended up playing out. After slowly drifting towards one another for three years, you grew impatient. You blatantly disregarded the will of the tides and instead chose to force your way forward with reckless haste. But, when the vast expanse of space between you finally disappeared, you didn’t pass by each other as nature intended, you collided, the result of which was your improbable, forbidden, whirlwind romance. And now, rather than floating on in opposite directions, the door still open to one day meet again and move forward together, you were both sinking to the bottom of the sea.

Maybe this was what you deserved. You broke the rules and cheated the system. You tried to have your cake and eat it too, but your plan backfired horrendously and now you were in danger of losing everything. In one fell swoop, you could lose the love of your life, your best friend, and your job. It would be a terrible end to your journey, but you would really only have yourself to blame.

Tears welled up in your eyes as the harsh reality began setting in. It had been almost two hours since you left Big Hit. If Tae was coming, surely he would have arrived by now. While there could still be a valid reason for why he wasn’t with you, his silence warned you not to get your hopes up. At this point, you realized it would probably be best for you to just acknowledge that he wasn’t coming and maybe even tell him you were doing fine on your own. That way if he had chosen not to come he wouldn’t feel so guilty and you also wouldn’t look so pathetic.

With a trembling hand, you pulled out your phone and began typing the message, trying to strike the right balance of contrition and nonchalance. After writing and rewriting it countless times, you were finally about to press send when suddenly the door to your room opened yet again. There in the doorway was a hooded figure, wearing a black facemask and dark sunglasses. The disguise was excellent, the average person would have no idea who was hidden behind it, but you knew instantly who it was.

Tae

For a few moments he just stood there, taking in the sight of you curled up on the bed in a sad, lonely heap, but then he was quickly stepping into the room. The instant the door closed behind him you burst into tears. In a heartbeat, he crossed the room and climbed onto the bed beside you, ripping off the hood, mask, and glasses as he went. As he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest, you buried your face in the crook of his neck and sobbed, letting out everything you had been holding back since you woke up back on the roof in a terrified daze.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said guiltily between kisses to your temple. “I’m sorry I’m so late.”

“I meant to be here hours ago, but my meeting with Bang PD ended up being so long and then the security team had concerns about me coming here,” he went on as he rubbed your back soothingly. “My phone was dead so I couldn’t text you and I didn’t realize until we left just how late it had gotten.”

“But, I…I should have found a way to let you know what was happening,” he then added quietly as you continued to weep, your frail body racking with sobs. “I should have had someone else text you or Mrs. Choi. God, Jagi. I’m so sorry. You…you must have been so worried.”

It took you several minutes to calm down enough so that you could actually speak. The emotion you were most overcome with was relief, but there was a small part of you that was frustrated with him. The last two hours of radio silence had been torture. Just the briefest of messages from him could have put you at ease and stopped you from spiraling.

“I was afraid you weren’t coming,” you finally confessed, your words shaky and muffled.

“I texted you a bunch of times, but you didn’t respond,” you went on. “I started worrying that something was wrong.”

“I-I thought maybe you changed your mind about us being OK,” you then added, your voice breaking at the end.

He hugged you to him even more tightly as he realized just how much worry he had caused you by leaving you all alone and in the dark for so long.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he replied back, his voice thick and strained, filled with such pain. “Of course you would worry like that after two hours without hearing from me. It was so careless of me to let that happen. I should have realized the meeting would be long and asked to use someone’s phone as soon as the lawyer got there.”

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated before pressing a long kiss to your forehead.

Any trace of frustration you felt over his lack of communication vanished that instant. You just couldn’t be upset with him. Not when he sounded so remorseful and you were just so happy that he was finally there. And, not when it seemed like he had a valid and highly disconcerting reason to have been too distracted to get in touch with you.

“Baby, it’s OK,” you assured him, pulling back to look at him. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

“But…why did you have to meet with a lawyer?” you then asked nervously. “Are we in that much trouble for breaking our contracts?”

“No, it’s not that,” he quickly replied, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “Honestly, we barely talked at all about our contracts and the fact that we broke them or how we’re going to be disciplined.”

Those words came as quite a bit of a shock, but it was his next ones that had your blood running cold.

“We actually spent the entire time talking about Jisoo,” he then said, his voice hushed.

At the mention of her name, a shiver went up your spine. So much had happened in the last few hours that you had almost forgotten what had been the ultimate catalyst for it all, but suddenly you were right back there with her in the elevator. Just remembering the smug smirk she had given you through the mirror as she flashed you those hickies was enough to make your insides churn.

“From the very beginning Bang PD was suspicious of my ‘relationship’ with her, not because he thought I was fake dating her to hide another relationship, but because he thought she might be blackmailing me,” Tae revealed with a shudder. “That’s obviously a serious accusation and he had no proof so he hadn’t said anything to me yet, but he’s been keeping an eye out for any signs that she was coercing me into being with her.”

“He had a meeting with her recently to discuss her contract renewal and the topic of our ‘relationship’ came up,” he went on. “She apparently made it seem like we were going to be together for a while, but did so in a way that felt strange and forced, like she knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be breaking up with her anytime soon. He said he just got a bad feeling from the conversation and that it reinforced his worry that something was wrong.”

“He was actually going to ask to meet with me next week to talk about it, but then everything happened tonight. When we met in his office, I told him the whole story about the fake dating cover, including that I was planning to propose and how she manipulated the situation and tried to break us up. He’s now more worried than ever that she might try something,” he then said nervously.

“Tae, what exactly do you mean by ‘try something’?” you questioned, fear evident in your shaky voice.

“He thinks that if I confront her and try to end the fake dating agreement, she’ll threaten to reveal our relationship to the public,” he admitted, looking and sounding deeply concerned.

“Which is why he called in one of the Big Hit lawyers so we could talk through our options and make a plan,” he then quickly explained. “They want me to meet with her and secretly record it so we can go to the police with hard evidence if she tries to threaten or blackmail me.”

Up until now, you hadn’t really even thought about what you and Tae were going to do with regard to Jisoo. You were so focused on the future of your own relationship that it hadn’t occurred to you that he needed to end the fake one he was in with her. As much as you wanted to believe that Bang PD and the lawyer were overreacting, that they were taking such measures out of an abundance of caution, you knew in your heart that their concerns were completely justified.

She had already done unspeakably terrible things and proven she was a cruel, sadist person who only cared about herself and couldn’t be trusted. The idea that she was going to let things between her and Tae end in a quiet, amicable manner was simply absurd. A wave of anxiety crashed over you upon realizing how much more pain she could cause you two with all the information she had about your relationship. She knew so much, enough to ruin Tae’s image and possibly even his entire career, enough to jeopardize not only your privacy and safety, but that of the other members and their partners

“Jagi, it’s going to be OK,” he assured you, noting your fearful expression. “We have help now. We don’t have to do this alone. For all we know she might not even try anything, but if she does Big Hit will protect us.”

“Before I meet with her, though, I need to know everything. What she said and when she said it. How she threatened you. How she was able to do this to us,” he then added, his tone somber.

“Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart?” he asked gently as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I promise I’m not going to be mad and that we’re still going to be OK after you do.”

With a heavy heart, you nodded and then started recounting everything that had led you to this fateful moment. You admitted that the night she suggested they ‘up their game’ was when you began questioning her motives. You also confessed that was when you first wondered if he secretly enjoyed spending time with her. You explained how she then started taunting you the following Friday afternoon and how you initially just clapped back saying you didn’t care about them ‘playing pretend’. You told him about her insinuation that they had done something inappropriate in her recording studio and how you noted his cagey behavior when you asked him about it later that night.

One of the hardest things to tell him about was your elaborate plan to rub your relationship in her face. You confessed to purposefully getting him all worked up with the lingerie, sexting, and bondage last Sunday and by wearing his clothes, promising to do the photoshoot, and teasing him during the fitting the next day. You admitted that you’d made it obvious to her that you’d not only had sex the night before, but that the two of you were going home during lunch to have sex again. You told him about her chilling response of ‘He’s lying to you’ and how you saw the message from ‘J’ shortly after, but how seeing Jimin’s text convinced you everything was OK.

You told him about all the revelations you’d had this past week and how you planned to tell him everything last night, but that him coming home and acting so strange instantly set you back on edge. You explained how everything had continued to unravel throughout the day as you realized he was lying to you and avoiding you. And, finally, you recounted the awful encounter with her in the elevator which had proven to be your breaking point.

“I know I asked you to tell me, and I’m glad that you did, but it was still really hard to hear all that, '' he said quietly after you finished, the hurt deeply etched onto his face.

You could tell from the way he was nervously biting his lower lip that there was more he wanted to say, but that he was struggling to say it. After trying and failing several times to get the words out, he ultimately just closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against yours.

“You can tell me, Tae,” you gently encouraged him, despite how scared you were to hear the words that were causing him such angst. “Whatever it is, I-I want you to tell me.”

It took him another full minute to gather the courage to speak and when he did his voice was filled with such sadness that your eyes instantly filled with tears.

“I waited for you, Jagi,” he finally said. “I waited for you and then I gave myself to you because I love you with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Knowing that you allowed yourself to believe I was cheating on you makes me feel like you don’t respect that commitment that I made to you,” he then confessed.

“You know how meaningful intimacy is to me,” he went on after a few moments of heartbreaking silence. “It’s a way for me to be close to you and take care of you and show you how much I love you. Whether we’re just kissing or we're making love, it’s always special to me. It’s always something I cherish and never take for granted.”

“I know how awful Jisoo made you feel, and I know how guilty she made me look, but it still just hurts so much that you thought I could ever share that experience with someone else,” he admitted before his voice gave out and the quietest of cries left his lips.

His words cut you to the bone and rendered you absolutely speechless. You knew you had hurt him with your accusation, but the true depth of his sorrow was almost too unbearable to behold. As tears began silently streaming down your face, cold tendrils of self loathing slowly wrapped themselves around your mind. You did this. You caused this pain to the person you loved most in the whole world.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” you went on sadly, knowing your words would never be enough to convey all that you felt. “I’m sorry I believed her and didn’t trust you. I’m sorry I manipulated you to get back at her. I’m sorry I accused you of cheating. I’m sorry I messed up your proposal surprise. I’m sorry I got you in trouble with Big Hit.”

“I’m sorry I ruined everything,” you finally sobbed.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t ruin anything,” he said as he brought his hand up to cup your cheek. “I’m upset about what happened because we both got hurt, but I’m not angry at you and I certainly don’t blame you.”

“This was my fault,” he went on, sounding so unbelievably guilty. “I didn’t take care of you. I didn’t keep you safe.”

“I-I let this happen. I let her hurt you, hurt us,” he added as his voice broke.

“I never should have trusted her and put you through this in the first place,” he said regretfully, his own tears falling freely now. “She hurt us over the summer, almost ruined our relationship before it even started, and I still let her back into our lives. You told me that first night that you were afraid to trust her and tried to tell me again two weeks ago, but I didn’t listen.”

“I promised I wouldn’t let her hurt you, but I broke that promise,” he confessed quietly as he rubbed away your tears with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, Jagi,” he then whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Baby, you don’t need to apologize,” you replied guiltily, bringing your own hand up to cradle his face. “I’m the problem. You said I was strong, but I’m not. I’m broken.”

“Please don’t say that, sweetheart,” he pleaded as he took your hand in his and kissed your fingertips. “You’re not broken.”

“You were scared and overwhelmed because I put you in an awful situation,” he admitted, his voice thick with shame. “It was thoughtless of me to be keeping secrets and sneaking around while we were in the middle of this mess with Jisoo. Even if she wasn’t manipulating everything I said and did, I should have realized how hurtful it would be for me to act that way and how it might have looked.”

“But, I should have just talked to you,” you replied with a frustrated whimper, more tears now spilling out. “I should have been honest about how I was feeling all along and I should have told you when she began taunting me and I started having doubts.”

As you said those words, you collapsed back into his embrace, your head coming down to rest on his chest just over his heart. For several minutes he didn’t respond, he just held you close while he gently ran his fingers through your hair, periodically pressing little kisses to your forehead.

“Why didn’t you?” he finally asked with such sorrow in his voice that it made your heart ache. “Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you so much?”

It was the million dollar question. One you knew he would ask. One you had asked yourself countless times already over the last few hours. The most obvious answer was rather simple: you were insecure and terrible at communicating your feelings. However, as you thought back to what transpired on the roof, recalled the way Manager Sejin, and even Bang PD to some extent, had reacted to the situation, something finally dawned on you. Although you absolutely were insecure and terrible at communicating, you realized that there was another, far more complicated and rather heartbreaking reason for why you had been holding back all this time.

“Jagi, I can’t read your mind,” he then said sadly, like it was a personal failure that he did not possess this ability. “If we’re going to get married and you’re going to be my wife, you need to be able to tell me things, even things you think will be hard for me to hear.”

You knew he was right and decided it was time to tell him the full truth, even though you knew it was going to absolutely crush him. After spending several minutes in silence, nervously tracing patterns on his chest with your finger, you took a deep breath and then finally spoke.

“I don’t feel equal to you,” you confessed quietly.

“You’re Kim Taehyung, world-famous K-pop idol who is adored and respected by millions and who has all this wealth and influence and power, but I’m just... me,” you went on. “I’m just a lowly stylist that no one knows or cares about who is still paying off college loans and will never be anyone special or do anything significant.”

“You’re so successful and incredible and so many people would kill to be in my shoes that sometimes I feel like I should just be happy and grateful to be with you at all, even if it’s in a way that hurts me,” you admitted.

“And, being forced to hide and lie and keep everything a secret hurt me,” you then added, clutching his shirt tightly as fresh tears pricked at your eyes.

You took a few moments to collect yourself, taking several deep, steadying breaths. He gave you all the time you needed, affectionately rubbing your arm while he patiently waited for you to continue.

“When we came home from America I told you I wanted to tell the truth and leave Big Hit, but you convinced me to stay and keep lying. Then you made the decision to fake date Jisoo without talking to me first and just expected me to be OK with it,” you said next, your voice now beginning to tremble.

“I-I wasn’t OK with it, but I didn't know what to do. I felt trapped, Tae,” you said, pausing briefly to let that sink in and also gather yourself again. “You clearly thought it was a good idea and what was best for us so I just put on a brave face and tried to be strong for you. I didn’t want you to get in trouble. I didn’t want to make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to be safe and happy. Even once Jisoo started saying stuff and I realized you were lying to me, I was still just so afraid to confront you because I didn't want to hurt you or make you upset.”

The words were pouring out of you now and there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop them, but you didn’t want to stop them. After days and weeks and months of bottling everything up, you were suddenly desperate to let it all out.

“I didn’t tell you my feelings because they felt less important than yours,” you finally said, choking back a sob. “Because I felt less important than you.”

You hadn’t fully understood that this was how you felt until now, but the moment those words left your lips everything came into sharp focus.

“You’re the sun, Tae,” you told him, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re the sun and I am just this tiny, flickering candle.”

“Compared to you I just feel so inferior,” you then revealed as the tears began pouring out again. “Not even in terms of status or talent or wealth, but as a person. Part of it is definitely my own insecurity, but a lot of it is because that’s honestly how society views us. You are literally worth more than me - to Big Hit, to this country, to the world - and that fact has never been more painfully clear to me than tonight when Manager Sejin's first reaction to what happened was to be more concerned about your reputation than my wellbeing.”

“Up on the roof everyone was talking about me and making decisions that directly affected me, but I wasn’t even part of the conversation,” you continued dejectedly, remembering how powerless you felt at the time. “I was legitimately afraid to speak because I didn’t want to make someone upset or get you in trouble. The one time I tried to talk, I was literally told to ‘stay out of it’. I felt like my opinion and my feelings didn’t matter, so I stopped trying to share them and just stayed quiet.”  

“I know I can’t expect you to read my mind, but if we’re going to get married and you’re going to be my husband, you need to understand that because of your job and who you are I often feel like I have no voice,” you finally confessed.

Upon letting all of that out, you felt a massive weight lift off your chest, but the relief you felt was short lived when you saw the look of absolute devastation on Tae’s face. You had done exactly as he asked, told him something you knew would be hard for him to hear, and the result was just as excruciatingly painful as you feared it would be.

“Jagi, it breaks my heart that you feel this way because of me,” he said despondently, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Of course you're important and special. Of course your opinions and feelings matter,” he went on as a few drops began sliding down his cheeks.

“Y-You’re not a candle, sweetheart. You’re not even just the sun. You’re the entire universe,” he cried before he buried his face in your hair.

Every single one of his muffled sobs was like a knife in your heart and every time he said ‘I’m sorry’ the blade twisted. It killed you to know your confession had made him feel so terrible, but you kept reminding yourself that it was for the best. Keeping all that in for so long had only ended up causing more hurt to you both in the long run. The only way for things to get better was to have everything out in the open and move forward with no more secrets.

“Baby, look at me,” you said as you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head up so his gaze met yours. “You’re not the reason I feel like this. I know you don’t view me as less than you and you’ve certainly never treated me that way. Our relationship is just unique and complicated and a bit stressful sometimes. It has been challenging in ways that I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t fully understand until now, but I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

“I just need you to remember that it can be a little overwhelming and intimidating at times being with someone as famous as you,” you then said gently. “I’m going to go back to therapy so I can learn how to better deal with those feelings and also communicate them to you. I just want you to be aware that this is something I struggle with so you can help me work through it, OK?”

“OK,” he hiccupped, nodding his head in your hands. “I can do that.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he said then softly, gazing into your eyes with a look of pure devotion. “I meant it this morning when I wrote that I want to be a better man for you. I promise I will be. I’m going to take care of you, Jagi. Now and always. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you or make you feel less than ever again. I’m going to make sure you always feel safe and respected and equal in our relationship.”

“Which is why I’m going to leave BTS,” he then stated without an ounce of hesitation in his voice.

For the second time that evening, time came to a screeching halt.

“What?” you breathed out, utterly shocked by that statement and convinced you had somehow heard him wrong.

“I’m going to leave BTS,” he repeated calmly, looking you in the eye as he spoke.

You stared back at him in stunned silence for several seconds, your eyes wide in disbelief upon realizing he had, in fact, said those words.

“Tae, no,” you protested. “Y-You can’t leave because of me, because I’m insecure and broken. I just need to get better. I need to be a better partner for you. And, I-I will be. I’m going to get help and work on myself so I can handle everything. You’re not the problem. BTS isn’t the problem. I’m the problem, but I promise I’m going to be better.”

“Sweetheart, you’re not broken and you’re not the problem,” he said, his tone unmistakably sad. “Please don’t say those things about yourself. It hurts me when you do.”

“I’m not leaving because of you, I’m leaving for you, for us,” he then added.

Your mind was absolutely spinning as you tried to comprehend what he was saying. Never in a million years did you think you would be having this conversation with him right now. This was not at all the outcome you were expecting or hoping for when you shared your feelings with him and you found yourself now regretting having said anything at all. You had clearly overwhelmed him by unloading all of that while he was already feeling stressed and guilty which was causing him to have these highly irrational thoughts.

“But, you’re…you’re still under contract for five more years,” you said back as the realization dawned on you. “You can’t just leave.”

“Actually, I can,” he replied, sounding almost nonchalant despite the gravity of his words. “I would have to pay a really big fine and give up my Big Hit stock, but I could afford it and it would be worth it.”

His calmness only made you all the more anxious. He was talking complete nonsense right now and didn’t even realize it.

“Tae, you’re upset right now and not thinking straight,” you said, trying desperately to reason with him. “It’s been an incredibly stressful night and you’ve been through so much. I know you feel guilty about what I said and are worried about what’s going to happen once I leave Big Hit, but you leaving too isn’t the answer.”

“Jagi, I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, long before all of this happened,” he revealed, his voice soft but resolute.

“You know I almost didn’t re-sign in 2018 and that I was struggling again earlier this year,” he then reminded you gently. “Everything that’s happened over the last few months, and everything you just told me now, has only reinforced the way I was already feeling.”

Upon hearing him say those words, you stopped panicking and looked at him, really looked at him, and couldn’t help but notice just how composed and confident he seemed right now.

“How have you been feeling?” you asked quietly.

“Like I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he replied, suddenly sounding so very tired.

“I never wanted all this,” he then admitted. “I was literally going to be a farmer, which I was perfectly OK with, but then I auditioned at Big Hit essentially by accident and somehow got chosen and now here I am almost ten years later with this crazy life as a world-famous K-pop idol.”

“I don’t regret it,” he quickly added. “I love the guys and ARMY and I genuinely enjoy making music and performing. I’m grateful for our success and all the incredible opportunities I’ve been given and the fact that I can now take care of my family. And, most importantly, I’m grateful that I met you.”

The shy smile that crept onto his face as he said that last bit had your heart absolutely melting. As alarming as this conversation was, you couldn’t help but give him a bashful grin in return.

“I know things have been difficult for us at times, but the last two months have still been the happiest of my entire life. Being with you makes me feel so fulfilled and so excited and hopeful for the future. I can’t wait to marry you, my best friend and the love of my life, and raise a family together,” he confessed with such passion in his voice. “That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“But, that’s why I need to leave,” he then said softly as his expression grew sad.

“I love BTS, but I love you more,” he admitted, gazing deeply into your eyes. “I don’t want to spend the next five years being on different schedules and hardly seeing each other, only for me to then go into the military and be away from you for another year and a half. How are we supposed to have a strong marriage and a happy family if that’s our life? How am I supposed to be a good husband and father if I’m never there?”

“I know we’ll never have a completely normal life because I’ll probably always be a public figure, but if I left BTS things would be so much easier for us,” he went on, sounding so serious and certain. “I could start acting. I’ve already gotten so many offers to be on shows and in movies. I could start working at a studio right here in Seoul. That way I wouldn’t have to travel all the time and be away from you. We could start our family right away and raise our children together as equal parents instead of you bearing so much more of the burden. I’d be there to support you and make sure you could continue pursuing your own career goals. We’d have more time to visit our parents and go on trips and do things together as a family.”

“It would be so much easier,” he repeated earnestly. “We could be so much happier.”

As terrified as you were hearing him talk like this and knowing the chaos that would ensue if he actually were to leave BTS, you could not deny how tempting all of that sounded. A life where you could actually be together the majority of the time would be so wonderful. One where there was stability and consistency, where he wouldn’t have to regularly leave for days and weeks and months on end. You believed with all your heart that Tae would be a great husband and father even if he stayed with BTS, but you knew he was right when he said things would be easier if he left.

And yet, you knew you needed to be the rational one right now. Although you believed him when he said he had been thinking about this for a while and that this wasn’t just a knee-jerk reaction, you knew that what had happened tonight and what you’d been through over the last few months was coloring his perspective. Keeping your relationship a secret had been a complicated and stressful situation, but it wasn’t indicative of what life was going to be like for you two going forward. Being apart so much would make things harder, especially once you started having kids, but not having to hide anymore would also make things easier. You were certain you two could make it work and that everything would be OK. You just needed to help Tae calm down long enough to realize this too.

“Tae, it means more to me than I can put into words that you would be willing to make a sacrifice like that for us,” you said as you leaned in and gave him a short, sweet kiss. “I can tell you have given this a lot of thought, and I admit you do make a lot of great points, but I don’t think now is the right time to make this kind of decision.”

“First things first, we need to get through everything with Jisoo. Then at some point I obviously need to meet with Bang PD and Big Hit HR. Hopefully they’ll just let me resign and not actually fire me. I think Mrs. Choi might still be willing to be a reference for me so that will help immensely in my search for a new job,” you continued.

“Can we please just wait before we make any big decisions?” you asked gently, giving him an encouraging smile. “I don’t want you to do something now that you’ll later regret. There’s no reason to rush. Let’s take our time and adjust to our new situation and see how things go.”

For several moments he didn’t respond, he just stared at you with an intent, slightly skeptical look as if searching for any hint of reluctance on your face. You just gazed back at him pleadingly, silently begging him to trust that this was truly how you felt, until eventually his features softened.

“Ok,” he finally conceded with a sigh. “We can wait and see.”

“But, if it’s not working, if we’re not happy and we feel like we’re drifting apart or you don’t feel supported and I feel like I’m missing out on things, I won’t hesitate to leave,” he then added sincerely. “You are the most precious thing in the world to me, sweetheart. I can always find another job, but I can never find another you.”

Grateful that he seemed to have backed away from the metaphorical edge, you were just about to breathe a small sigh of relief when the door to your room suddenly opened. You tensed up immediately because Tae didn’t have his mask or glasses on, but relaxed once you realized it was only Mrs. Choi.

“Sorry to disturb you, but Manager Sejin says there is a call for you, Taehyung,” she said softly as she tentatively poked her head into the room. “I believe it is Bang PD.”

“Shoot, I need to take this,” Tae said to you regretfully as he disentangled himself and stood up from the bed.

“I’ll be back soon, Jagi,” he then said before leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Ok,” you said back with a shy smile.

He disguised himself once more and then walked out of the room, giving Mrs. Choi a quick nod as he passed by her. After he was gone, she lingered by the door for a few moments, seemingly wrestling with herself over something. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she finally spoke.

“You two make a lovely couple,” she said tenderly.

“Thank you,” you replied back, your voice catching a bit as you got ever-so-slightly choked up.

“For everything,” you then added after a moment.

“You’re welcome, dear,” she said back, giving you a genuine smile before excusing herself.

Once the door was closed, you laid back down, plopped your head onto the pillow, and gazed up at the ceiling in bewilderment. Of all the surprises tonight had brought, including your secret being revealed and Tae confessing he was both planning to propose and seriously considering leaving BTS, Mrs. Choi being supportive of your relationship might just be the most earth shattering. It was strange, but her approval actually meant a great deal to you. Over the last three years, she had probably spent more time together with you and Tae than anyone else. Her belief that you made a good couple was quite comforting and gave you so much confidence that everything would be OK.

And right now, after everything that you’d both been through and were still facing, you needed all the assurance you could get that you and Tae were going to be OK.

Five minutes later the door to your room opened again. You assumed it was Tae, back from his call with bang PD, but it was actually your doctor. As she walked in she was sporting another warm smile, but something about her was noticeably off.

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” she asked.

“I feel fine,” you answered honestly. “Not dizzy or nauseous or anything like that.”

“Good, good,” she replied easily as she made a few notes in your chart.

“So, your ECG results came back normal, but we’re going to keep you here a little longer for observation since you are a high-risk patient,” she then informed you.

“High-risk?” you questioned nervously, giving her a confused look. “What classifies me as high-risk?”

An apprehensive, slightly sheepish look flashed across her face before she uttered the absolute last words you were expecting to hear.

“That fact that you’re pregnant.”

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[i-did-not-mean-to]

Boys and sticks - Chapter 69 🏊‍♀️

Fandom: Hobbit (College AU)

Characters: @linasofia x Thorin, @laurfilijames x Fíli, me x Ori

Words: 1,8 k

Warnings: Trauma and idiocy

Previous chapters

“This place is rad!” Kíli declared as he sunk into the warm water with a sigh as well, making me almost jump onto Ori’s lap to make room for him; not that I would have needed much encouragement either way.

“I’m sure we can get you a card so you can come here and swim a little when you feel like it,” Lo said in a calm voice, her eyes closed and her face utterly relaxed; just like me, she had grown up in places like this one and the magic had long vanished.

“You really think so?” Kí sounded doubtful, seeking his brother’s eyes to see if Fí would disapprove.

“Yeah, sure, why not? The more, the merrier as I always say,” Lo shrugged and opened one eye lazily, “it will do them good to see some fresh blood.”

“You look fine,” I heard Tova murmur as Thorin slid into the water up to his furry chin, “these people were assholes and they don’t get to diss our boyfriends, do they, Jiji?”

I flinched upon hearing the familiar little nickname that my family sometimes used, it was usually tinged with contempt, but from her lips, it sounded so warm and affectionate.

“My boyfriend,” I repeated slowly; the word tasted of cinnamon and chocolate, it had a smell of fresh sheets and warm skin, it felt like silk and velvet against the skin of my throat.

“Yes, your boyfriend; that’s what he is, isn’t it?” Tova grinned wider as she saw my pensive face, “do or die, Jia!”

“Well, as said boyfriend, I want to express how disheartened I am by not hearing about that concert before,” Ori muttered.

“Yes, as her friend, I am too,” Thorin shot up like the literal Loch Ness Monster from the foaming water to glare at me which would have been funny if he had not seriously looked dismayed by my silence.

“As your protégée, I am shocked that you’d withhold such a precious occasion to learnfrom me,” Lo chimed in, giving me her most heartbroken look that – even though I did know that she was having me on – made me feel a little guilty.

“Maybe she’s afraid we’d embarrass her by clapping in the middle of the song, savages – barely shaken from our tree – that we are,” Fíli nodded wisely, looking at me like I kicked puppies just for fun.

“Oh, you stop it. It’s a small concert in the aula, nothing more,” I cried out, annoyed by their antics.

“Well, we have practice, but we’ll be there right after it,” Thorin assured me with a small nod, “because that’s what family is supposed to look and act like. I also like it when you sing.”

I stared at him wordlessly for a moment.

“Oh, can I come? Can I come? Balin can bring me?” Kíli exclaimed and splashed all of us with water as he jerked around.

“It’s not a closed event, Kí, anyone will come even though I doubt it will have much success; especially as the Halloween party is coming up,” I mumbled; it had not occurred to me to bother anyone with it.

“Oh, you’re singing that one too?” Lo asked, interested.

“Nope, Toby has decided to be an asshole about…something, and I’ve told him to shove his song up his ass,” I laughed.

“About your boyfriend or ours?” Lo asked casually and didn’t even flinch when I told her that he had kicked everything he could reach – as per usual.

“And that doesn’t tire you out?” Fíli was serious in tone and manner upon asking that question, so I looked to my friends for guidance when it came to replying.

“It’s annoying as all hell, for sure,” Tova replied immediately, “but I guess that’s what you have to contend with when you stray from the path designed for you and go for the most eligible men on campus.”

“My ass, most eligible, they’ve been alone forever,” Kíli laughed, helpful as ever.

“Thanks bro, that’s exactly how you make yourself palatable to ladies: tell them straight-out that you’re a terrible choice,” Fíli grumbled, slightly annoyed by his brother’s tendency to speak the truth at the most inopportune times.

“It does tire me out,” I confessed, “it makes me feel really fed-up with the people I know outside of this little group.”

“Aw, not with us, then? You don’t think that – after further consideration – we are not worth the hassle?” Thorin’s eyes gleamed like enchanted caverns in the pale moonlight hue of his face.

“Do I look stupid to you, Thorin? You’ve offered to come to my concert and you’re the best housemate anyone has ever had. No, if there is someone amiss, it’s certainly not you lot.”

He shook his head, thankful despite his persistent doubts; Thorin and me would always consider others as worthy of love and protection while we – consistently – discredited ourselves. Our friendship was a mess, but it was real and honest.

When they went to have another go at the slide, Kíli stayed behind, hovering at the edge of the whirlpool and mouthing words to himself.

“Some time ago, I went to an introduction event of the faculty…and there was that supercute girl. She’s found me on social media since and – sometimes – we talk a bit,” he started fitfully, relapsing into silence to practice the next part of his speech.

“Yes?” Lo prompted him gently, admiring her shrivelled fingertips to give him time to compose himself.

“She’s asked me if I knew anyone…and I love them, I do, but do they have an awfulreputation at college? Would I ruin my chances right away if I said Fí’s my brother?” He looked genuinely miserable as he admitted that he might just be the tiniest bit ashamed of his family that he kept throwing glances at that were tinged with apprehension.

“I do adore them, and I don’t want to be asshole, but will it sound weird to a girl if I say that my brother and three of my cousins go to that college?” Kíli asked in a low voice, awaiting our verdict.

“We can give you a signed letter of recommendation,” Tova chuckled, but then she expanded in a more serious tone: “No, it’s not weird. They’re an institution of mystery and raw sex appeal, to be honest.”

“Mystery?” Kíli didn’t sound convinced, “You must be so damn disappointed; there’s nothing mysterious about them whatsoever! They’re slightly dumb, very clumsy, and…no, there’s nothing behind all façade except poverty and a lack of manners.”

He said that lightly, but it was clear that he actually believed it.

“They don’t talk much to other people, so it’s hard to get to know them,” I ventured into my own answer carefully, “except you’re Tova of course and rules of conduct are more like guidelines to you.”

“Ey!” Tova exclaimed in mock-outrage, “naaaa, it’s true. I took matters into my own hands when it came to Thorin.”

“Lo as well, only Lo didn’t use her…hands,” I mumbled under my breath which made my pseudo-protégée giggle loudly.

“No, but seriously, are you a handful? Yes, definitely,” I laughed, “but they are good men. Their reputation is basically that they keep to themselves and wear too much clothing – for reasons – but, other than that, they’re well-liked by most of their peers, I think.”

“If we leave Thrandy out of the mix…and Toby…and a few other idiots…. Come to think of it, have you ever met a woman who did not like them?” I wondered aloud.

“There are none…So, tell us about that girl, Kí!” Lo laughed, leaning over the edge of the whirlpool to get closer to the blushing youngster who kept looking over his shoulder, afraid to be caught by his brother while pining.

“Well, she’s really cute. In case you haven’t noticed, cute and dainty is something that has been sorely missing in my life. She’s everything we’re not: she has beautiful dark hair, not messy like mine or Thorin’s, really pretty…” he tried to explain, his eyes alight with secret pleasure, “and very blue eyes…and freckles…oh, she’s a real stunner and so kind, and funny, and….”

“So, you’re basically in love with a mix of your kin, only small and cute?” Tova guffawed.

Loud splashing announced the return of the self-same people and Kíli was quick to exclaim: “Not at all! I just thought if those idiots could get girls like you, I might stand a tiny chance.”

“You shouldn’t discredit them so; they’re all kinds of lovely,” I protested.

“Fí is lazy, Thorin is emotionally constipated, and Ori is just buried so damn far in his shell he’ll die without anyone noticing,” Kíli shrugged, “they’re kind, they’re brave, they’re good people, I know that, but – for the life of me – I cannot fathom what a girl could see in them. None of them are really good at this whole dating-game…and neither am I.”

He sighed deeply.

It was true that – as a woman – one had to get used to being sexualised from a very early age on; we had learned the social game of flirting way before the time when we had been actively interested in it, but that was not a thing to envy or to strive for.

“You’ll be just fine; be yourself!” Tova smiled, “There is a girl out there to whom you’re perfect the way you are, and I hope it’s the one you’ve set your heart on.”

“Come to the slide with us,” Fíli demanded, giving his brother a questioning glance before asking him – suspiciously – if he was trying to woo away their girlfriends.

“See? Fí believes you’re better at it than they are,” Lo cackled merrily.

“That’s not exactly hard, you know?” Kíli replied, rolling his eyes, and stepping aside so we could exit the tub.

“Okay, but we’re not kids,” I mumbled as I understood that we were expected to make a show of ourselves by sliding down, wedged between our boyfriend’s legs, as if we were in some cheap amusement park.

“Shut up Jia, hold on to your tits, and go,” Lo laughed and gave me a gentle push.

“I’ve got you,” Ori promised, and I did not have the heart to tell him that I was not afraid of the slide. It was just absolutely indecent to present myself to a bunch of old strangers and even older acquaintances – scantily clad – with this man’s white arms wrapped around my waist and his crotch burning into the small of my back.

My own hands settled on his bony knees, sliding upwards as of their own accord to tease the soft skin of his inner thighs just above the line where his trunks were supposed to fall.

“Jia,” he hissed warningly into my ear and rocked forward, propelling us down the slide.

As we bobbed in the water like the ugliest apples in the history of the ludicrous party game, an amused clearing of the throat reached us.

“Are you having fun?” Balin asked with a bright grin.

[knightofameris]

naturally — sugawara koushi

✎ gender. uhm neutral? ✎ contains. mutual pining, childhood friends, reader is a manager, also reader has a lot of anxiety when it comes to relationships, not beta read ✎ wc. 1.6k

✎ summary. the time you were thankfully wrong in your assumptions.

✎ ameris’ notes. i came back just to post this because this is my favorite piece I’ve written so far on this blog i think. also noticed many writers deactivating ;—; and just a lack of content (esp for suga). i was originally going to post this when i came back fully along with everything else but this is fine. (i will reply to all messages later <3 thank you everyone for your kind words)

also tried a different writing style for this,,,

i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. ♡ 

previous title: i thought we already were [i still suck at titles this might still change]

You couldn’t help but slam your head against your desk. Ennoshita sighed at your predicament when it came to the crush you had on your upperclassman, Sugawara Koushi. Except, to you he was so much more. Not in just the fact that he was your crush but he’s been someone you’ve known for almost your entire life. 

“What if he doesn’t like me, Ennoshita,” you cried into your arms, not able to take the heartbreak that could come with Sugawara rejecting your feelings and your 10+ year friendship turning to dogshit. 

Ennoshita tapped his fingers against the desk, “I don’t think he’d break off your friendship just like that even if he didn’t. And if he doesn’t like you I personally give you permission to murder myself and-or Tanaka, your choice.” 

In a different class at the time, Tanaka sneezed in the middle of eating his sandwich. 

At this point, Ennoshita, and every other club member, was tired. Even Sugawara would shrug when Daichi asked him in the clubroom what was going on between him and you. Asahi, the one who was possibly the most oblivious when it came to people pining for another, was even frustrated at how the two of you would dance around each other. 

“Why don’t you just ask them out?” Asahi asked Sugawara. In the middle of changing, Sugawara stopped in thought, his shirt barely on. 

“Hmm, I don’t want to ask them before they’re ready,” Sugawara answered simply, sliding his shirt on over his head. 

It was a rough life being friends with both you and Sugawara. 

It was sort of sweet though, no? The fact that Sugawara wanted to wait till you were ready. He knew about your anxieties when it came to relationships. It wasn’t that your past relationships were bad, per se, but rather any time you’d enter one the anxieties just came through. Sometimes it’d be insecurities or suddenly the red flags would pop up. It was as if entering the relationship made you realize how much of a terrible person the other was. 

You didn’t want that for Koushi. So he’d wait, wait till you’re comfortable to talk things out. But he will admit that it is maybe a little frustrating some days. 

Especially, especially, the days when you’re closer than usually. Physically. Emotionally.

Some days you’d find yourself lying in Koushi’s bed after finishing a bit of homework. He’d be sitting on the floor at the table, still working the last few problems. You’d both have a small conversation, something to fill the room while he finished up. Then he’d crawl into bed, next to you. 

“Just like when we were kids, right?” He’d grin at you, and you couldn’t help the way you felt your cheeks heat up. 

“Yeah, just like when we were kids,” you’d reply and reach out for his hands, shifting to lay on your side. Koushi doing the same and inching even closer to you. He’d bring your hands up to chest level, playing with your fingers just like he’d do when the two of you were younger. 

And then the two of you would fall asleep. His arm draped over your waist, pulling you close into his chest with your legs tangled with his. 

You always fell asleep last, always so anxious about the whole ordeal. It’s different sleeping and cuddling together when you’re older compared to when you were both younger. 

When you were younger it was just platonic feelings. And now that you’re both older and know about romantic feelings, well, something bloomed between the two of you. 

Before you’d fall asleep you’d stare up at his soft face, your fingers slightly hovering over his face and especially over the beauty mark that you loved so much. He was no longer embarrassed about it like he used to be (because of you and your adoration for it). Then your hand would return back to resting on his chest and you’d nuzzle your head into him as well. 

Koushi’s breathing always soothed you; it was deep and heavy. Always peaceful as you watched his chest rise and fall. You nuzzled your face into him even deeper if it was possible, your fingers lightly tapping against his sturdy chest. 

He smelled a bit like lavender. It was subtle, sweet and calming. There were a few other scents too but they weren’t overbearing and never quite lingered in your nose like the lavender scent. And whenever you think about him, you just think of Koushi’s lavender scent as well as how he smelled like home. 

Home. 

Yeah, being with him felt like home. Even when—no—especially when your own home didn’t feel like home. You felt comfortable with him, like it was you and him versus the world. This felt natural, normal. 

The lingering glances, the subtle touches. 

I think it was safe to say that you’re in love. You felt stupid for saying so, even thinking so. You are in high school, barely seventeen as a second year. People would always cringe when high schoolers said they were in love. 

But no one can invalidate your feelings. Only you knew what you felt and no one could say otherwise. 

You’re in love with Sugawara Koushi and it didn’t scare you. 

You’re in love with Sugawara Koushi and it comforted you. 

You knew him better than you knew yourself and you were sure he felt the same about you, knowing you well, I mean. You still weren’t sure if he returned your feelings. 

That’s how you found yourself outside his house, standing in front of him. Sugawara stared at you, head tilted with confusion since usually the two of you would just head in to get started on homework. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand reaching for yours. He called out for you again, your name gracing his lips. His thumb rubbed small circles on the back of your hand and you looked down off to the side, scared and unsure. 

“I-uhm,” your heart felt like it was going to leap out of your throat. Speaking was hard, and god you don’t think you could stare up at him while you confessed your feelings. 

Rip it off like a bandaid. Just rip it off like a bandaid. Just. Rip it off! LIKE A—

With closed eyes and your hand clasping around his, you stuttered out, “I-I-uh-I really like you Koushi! It’s-It’s fine if you don’t, y’know, feel the same. I just-I just had to tell you.” 

You pursed your lips and the small caresses on the back of your hand stopped. Good thing you planned to do this before entering into his house. Now you could just book it home. But then he laughed and his hand holding yours tightened back before you could run off; as if he knew you were going to do so. 

You just confessed to Sugawara Koushi and he’s laughing. You felt like crying, honestly. 

But Koushi was laughing because he was relieved. Relieved that he didn’t have to hold back anymore, that he no longer had to wait. Koushi had wanted you to make the first move because he already knew you liked him. He just wanted you to feel comfortable enough with your feelings before anything else happened. 

All of the soft touches, the cuddling, the approaching you from behind and hugging you as you do manager work, Koushi let happen naturally. Because they were natural. It’s not like you didn’t do it back. 

Whenever he’d be on break, drinking water he’d find your arms wrapped around his torso no matter how sweaty he was. Or on bus rides to practice matches or to the Sendai gym for games the two of you would sit next to each other and one of you would always fall asleep with your head resting against the other’s shoulder. 

And you know, maybe Koushi was partially laughing at the fact that you couldn’t tell he likes you back. He thought it was obvious at least. 

“Wh-what are you laughing about Koushi!” You pouted, tears slightly gathering at the corner of your eyes out of anxiety and fear of rejection. 

“No, no, nothing bad, you’re so cute,” he sighed out, a smile apparent on his face as he took a step closer to you. “It’s just that-” he gestures with his free hand back and forth between you and himself “-I thought you knew I liked you. Because I knew you liked me. And with how we’ve been cuddling and—”

“Ah!” You shouted, lightly hitting his chest with your free hand. He let out an ‘oof’ before you placed your head against his chest out of embarrassment. You felt his chest reverberate as he laughed, his other hand coming up to rest on the top of your head, his fingers drawing soothing circles on your scalp. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, your voice muffled against his chest. Koushi sighed, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. 

“I thought we already were, y’know, together? I just wasn’t too sure,” Koushi replied. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable either. Wanted to wait till you were comfortable.”

“What if I never was?”

“I’d wait forever then.” 

You huffed against his chest, wrapping your other arm around him, the hand holding his tightening. Koushi set his arm around your back, pulling you in closer as he turned to place his cheek against your head. 

“You’re cheesy, Kou.” y

“Only for you.” He turned his head to kiss the crown of yours before laying his cheek against you once more. “Now let’s go inside, get some homework done and cuddle some more.”

“I hate you.” 

Koushi hummed, being the first to pull away, holding your hand tightly to walk towards his house, “Whatever you say. I know you don’t.” 

✎ ameris’ notes. a scene straight from my and my friends’ self-ship AU that I thought could work well as a reader-insert LOL. shifted it around so that their characters (themself?) don’t appear. actually well, it’s not really straight from it. i haven’t written this part in the AU but i wanted to write it anyway hahdfkjhakjfh LOL i tried my best not to make reader too much like myself, i only used part of the reason for relationship anxiety of mine looool. 

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 31 March 1838

8 5

3 50

dullish morning and F37° at 9 ¼ - had William Keighley at 8 ¼ - just slipped on my black petticoat and pelisse and spoke to him from the stairs – sent him to Dearfield to fell the ½ dead oak till I had breakfasted – when I would meet him at the meer – breakfast at 9 ¼ in about 25 minutes – then had Messrs. Shaw junior plasterer and Joshua Keighley and David Mallinson in a/c of Northgate – Shaw will have £50 more to receive and Mallinson about £200 more – had Mercer too for Shibden hall and Little Marsh and paid him a small bill for A- for Hatters’ street – all this settling and a little while with A- took me till 11 40 when went down to the meer – William K. had felled the 2 elders in the brook-course, and was gone – then along the fields and Godley paddock to the old bank to the bank – got £60 – then sometime at Whitleys’ – brought four books for a sovereign – returned up the old bank and back at 1 ½, and sat with A- till 3 – read over her letter to her sister – got quietly right again without anything been said about it – A- off at 3 10 and I went out – sometime with Robert Mann + 2 siding levelling the house-court and 4 fillers in the flower garden George Naylors’ 2 horses and my own grey as chain horse getting the clay out to near the great sycamore – George Thomas and John Bottomleys’ son dragging (great harrowing my bit of great field at the top of the hill) but returned at 3 ¼ from the snow – small snowing driving about ever since noon and now wet and could do no good in the field – sent him and JB-‘s son to Halifax for engine ashes to make out the day – then sometime at Listerwick – very cold and small snowy – stood talking to John Mann in the cabin – the spiggs straight work cost £100 – had done about 600 yards last year – and would be at it another year – some cost as much as 2/. a yard and none done under 9d. per yard – their main gate 4ft. wide and 4ft. high and racked 4ft. on each side – They had 30 acres of each bed (upper and lower hard and soft) to get – and had got about a DW. of each in a year – John M- said the pith they had sunk cost £300, and they said the upper bed they had got last year had cleared it – but he did not believe that – the coal had sold part of the time at 6d. part at 7d. per load and he did not see how it could clear so much – they (the Holts) had £400 a year rent to pay and after this was paid he did not see that much would be left – he fears the railroads will hurt the coal trade hereabouts – Wilson and Stocks have both lowered their coal again – upper bed selling at 6d. and lower at 8d. but I have paid today George for paid Mr. Emmett 9d. per load for coal brought yesterday – JM. says my straight work will take 3 years doing – home about before 6 – Had James Hartley for sun-wood quarry and walling account – it took an hour settling – had Stephen Schofield blacksmith too and paid George Thomas for the coal of yesterday – then at 7 had the Manns –long settling with them and could not sit down to dinner till 8 20 – sat reading the 1st 22p. Rhinds’ elements of geology that came from Whitley’s tonight and slumbering a little till came upstairs at 10 ¼ - from then to 2 ¼ at accounts – I find I find I have already £8,000+ for Northgate and it will take good £500 – terrible – I feel out of sorts with Mr. Parker for turning all the custom of the country against me in letting it – Perhaps ‘tis well – I think of getting all settled with him and having no account at all with him – at least, I veer round to taking SW. in preference to P-  then till 2 40 wrote all but the 2 first lines of today – cold small snowy windy, wet wintry afternoon – tolerable in the morning till about near noon – I feel tired, wearied, worn tonight – annoyed at my affairs – I seem not to myself to have less sense than many – au contraire, and yet I have acted like a fool? F28° at 10 ¼ pm

[regrettablewritings]

Soulmate AU: Whenever Your Soulmate Lies, Their Lie Appears on Your Skin

You knew what people thought whenever you would pass them by: “Poor thing . . . Might’ve been pretty if not for all those markings.”

And no, this wasn’t paranoia or any seat-rooted insecurities talking -- you had heard people whisper it, other planetary beings garbling it to their speaking partners whenever they thought you were just out of earshot.

The one thing they didn’t say was what paranoia and common sense told you: “Poor dear, having a soulmate that lies so much.”

Indeed, at this point in your young life, it was hard to tell where the words ended and your skin, marred with the usual scabs and scars from living, began. You dared to even think that perhaps you had come out the womb covered in lies. Of course, your mother never told you so, even upon your insistence that she tell you. Perhaps, in her mind, sparing you would keep your curiosity at bay. Maybe you would recognize the unfortunate implications of having such a lover in store, and steer clear of trouble.

Well . . . She was only about three-quarters right.

Of course, you hadn’t come to Canto Bight to stir up trouble, but that didn’t change the fact that you’d come to a city with a shady reputation that marred all who entered it by mere association. But then again, maybe that was why you were here: Maybe you were subconsciously drawn to this city of sinners, believing that perhaps its sordid reputation would make your lie-marked skin pale by comparison. Maybe you knew deep down that by coming here, nobody would look twice at you, think twice about you, judge you --

Aaaanndd maybe it’s the fruit cider talking, you thought. You sighed as you took another sip anyway. You’d already dropped a few credits on the overpriced drink; may as well finish it and enjoy the view from the balcony you’d positioned yourself at.

The reality was more like this: You had come to Canto Bight because this was just where people who felt the need to live it up came when they felt their life spiraling down.

You weren’t doing terribly in life, per se, but it was hard to make connections with people, personal or occupation-wise, when you had a body slathered in dishonesty. Sure, it wasn’t your fault that you had a soulmate who apparently couldn’t tell the truth if it were tattooed to their tongue. But the connotations were already there: Few wanted to take a chance on someone with such a connection to somebody so dishonest -- especially during an intergalactic war.

Thankfully, the one employer who did offer you work (perhaps out of pity) quickly learned that you could be trusted. You’d worked your ass off to prove your worth, and that deserved an eventual break, however depressing the nature might’ve been.

Sure, the location was glitzy, but not all the lights in the galaxy could scour away the glumness . . .

And yup. It’s the fruit cider talking, you decided. And yet, you decided to grab yourself another; maybe if you drank just enough, you’d forget your sorrows for the evening and actually find a way to enjoy your off-time for once.

But unfortunately for you, the evening had other plans in store.

Plans that started when you were just about to head back inside, only to be thwarted by a figure literally rushing into you. You growled in dismay as the remaining corner of your drink was wasted, splattered on your top. You glared up at the idiot who ruined your night in one fell swoop, ready to snap at him, only to find yourself coming up short.

He wasn’t the usual sort found in the brighter parts of Canto Bight. But then, his breed of grunginess didn’t quite fit the less fortunate side, either. It was unkept in a wild way. Almost like a tomcat, what with the scruff lining his jaw and the mess of hair sticking out even from beneath his worn cap.

Even the smile he flashed you was like that of a tomcat’s.

“S-s-s-sorry there, friend,” he offered. In spite of the low and gravelly nature of his voice, he managed to sound just a bit too mischievous for your liking. “Just p-p-passin’ on through.” He raised his grubby-gloved hands up as if to show no harm, no foul.

You already weren’t prepared to believe him (after all, the only running a non-fathier did in Canto Bight was when they were trying to outrun trouble). But your body had something different in mind to confirm it: A dull, dull stinging sensation. Almost like welts coming into being, but less uncomfortable. It spread along your right jawline.

The same feeling you got whenever your soulmate told a lie.

One fell swoop, indeed.

The tomcat’s smile slowly faltered, his eyes lit not only by the casino lights but by realization. You must’ve looked something similar back at him. You slowly raised a trembling hand to the spot where the new lie had appeared. Maybe it was coincidence? Surely it was; your soulmate lied so often, it was rare to go a moment where you didn’t feel their words etching into you. But judging by what the tomcat uttered next, this appeared to not be the case.

“I, uh . . . Huh . . .” He raised a hand to awkwardly scratch his scruffy cheek. “Well, a-a-a-ain’t that a k-ki-kick in the pants.”

What does one even say to something like that in a moment like this? You parted your lips as if to respond, but didn’t. It was, indeed, a kick in the pants. So hard of a kick that you were pretty sure your ability to logically think had escaped your entire being and was currently floating aimlessly in the planet’s stratosphere. The man sighed, almost in defeat. He bit a corner of his bottom lip in thought, almost as though he was trying to think of his words delicately for once in his life.

But eventually, he came up with, “L-listen, kid: I’m not s-s-s-someone you should bother getting tangled up with. You’re better off without . . .”

There was no dull, dull sting.

He gave you no time to respond even after that before he made his way over to the balcony ledge behind you and began to climb over it. But before descending proper, he paused. For a split second, you saw hesitation in his features. Aside from his inability to tell the truth (until just now, apparently), you knew nothing of this man, but something -- call it a gut feeling -- told you that hesitation wasn’t generally a part of his repertoire. But then again, you got him to tell the truth for once; so many tonight was a new experience for both parties?

“If you, uh . . . If we ever c-c-c-cr-cross paths again . . . Don’t be sh-shy,” he suggested. A beat of silence. “. . . And . . . I’m sorry. For everyth-th-thing.” And with that, he dropped from view.

Once again, you felt no new lies appearing on your skin. Instead, all you felt was the breeze of a Canto Bight night gently curling around you, and your mind buzzing with thoughts.

Optional Epilogue:

Okay, after that experience, you definitely needed something stronger than just a fruity cider. You were once again about to make your way back inside to the bar when, yet again, your efforts were thwarted. This time, however, it was by two guards storming through the threshold. They would have paid you no real mind if it weren’t for the fact that they couldn’t find who or what they were looking for.

One of them looked at you with stern eyes. “Did you see a man come by this way? A particularly filthy husk of a man?” the guard demanded.

You thought that by now, the looks people gave you when it clicked that you were riddled with lies wouldn’t even faze you. But in that moment, you felt a bit of unease.

Oh, kriff, the one on my jaw --

Realistically, it wasn’t very likely that either one of the guards could take one look at the words on the side of your face and correctly decipher the context. But in that moment, you were abuzz with all kinds of thoughts and worry.

Wait, why the hell were you worried?

Before you could even begin to consider it in depth, you found yourself responding: “Nope. Haven’t seen a man here; I’ve been trying to stay away from people all night, actually.”

The second bouncer scoffed. That last bit made absolutely no sense. You came to a casino to get away from people? You wanted to slap your forehead. Clearly your soulmate’s silver tongue did not somehow translate to you. But what you did have on your side was the ability to hold a blank expression -- something gained from learning to not express dismay over peoples’ watchful eyes.

And the very something needed to hold up your clumsy lie -- just enough for the guards to, against their personal suspicions, be forced to accept your answer before returning back into the building to continue their so far fruitless search. Which thusly allowed you to finally get the chance to acquire a new drink.

But the very moment you made your third and final attempt to do just that, you were stopped once more. However, not by a person this time. Instead, it was by a feeling: That faint prickling. On your forearm this time.

"Oh, great,” you grumbled, eyes rolling. Exasperation washed over you . . . as well as curiosity. Really, at this point, you rarely cared to invest even a moment of time to whatever fabrications appeared on you. But given how just this one small corner of your night had gone . . . you couldn’t help but wonder . . .

As you pulled back your sleeve, you read in the dim light, “You did bad, kid.”

You never really found much humor in the marks you gained. It’s hard to find humor in one’s own burdens, really. But in that moment, you released a small huff of amusement.

Hm. What a way with words he had.

[slutsofren]

Alphabet Prompt: with demon au Kylo since ya’ll enjoy him :3

for those who don’t know, this Kylo au is from my post here <3

* some of these are NSFW lol

Original list from here!

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

Demon Kylo just REALLY enjoys vibing with you in your apothecary, he likes watching all the little humans interact with your witchy self. There’s something about you that naturally glows when you’re working. The sun sets differently when it’s touching your skin, creating a shine he wants to capture and love for eternity.

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

He is one confident bastard but in all reality, you are the one human who has intrigued him in his entire immortal life so he gets a wee bit insecure about how to court you properly according to modern dating standards- it just doesn’t make sense to him!

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

Oh, by the stars not at ALL. Kylo is awful with words, if he ever did a love language test his main would be spending time, secondly he’d much rather give gifts then talk about his feelings. If you two ever do end up arguing he would just leave- space for you as well as him to clear his thoughts. When he does come back though he never goes into a full on speech about his feelings- rather he apologizes straightforward and explains what he said/did was wrong of him and he will be more mindful going forward. Afterall, this is new to him.

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

So, demons don’t get drunk per say... BUT oh, boy, does he get drunk off your scent after you orgasm time and time again. He gets a little more snuggly and openly affectionate, during this time he lets his guard down a bite and sleeps. Oh, how rarely do demons sleep. When he does, you take this time to admire him.

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

Imagine a raging storm- winds billowing, rain falling as harsh against your skin as hail, cold nipping at every inch of your body threatening to steal every degree of warmth. It’s like that but fire. He gets so enraged you think he might just kill the whole town to find out who hurt you. When you tell him it was the fridge that gave you the bruise on your hip he gets a little flushed with embarrassment but you appreciate the sentiment.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

Kylo realizes one day of how much he has missed out on since the last he visited the surface. So he tries to do one thing a day- reading a book, watching a film, or researching new things.

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

Being a demon who has seen everything on earth, he expected you to be more of the materialistic type. It bewildered him how you refused every piece of gold, diamonds, and fine clothing. Eventually he came to discover you enjoyed useful gifts- especially ancient books of the craft you long thought were lost to the ages. Kylo is a very mindful gifter.

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

There is literally only one way this damned man cuddles- with his body draped over yours and his face snuggled straight into your chest and you playing with his long hair. He often says your heartbeat lulls him to sleep.

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

This demon hates with a passion about being late to things. Admittedly he was late to your WEDDING and no, you will never let him forget that.

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

He would be so bored at home scratching random lotto tickets and if he won he wouldn’t even claim it. He knows lotto money brings nothing but destruction in its wake which is why you never know he won in the first place- he just imagines it’s another person saved from its terrible fate.

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

Uhh,,,,,,,, you. Especially when you come around his cock, moaning his name. He could weep just from listening to the sweet symphony your moans make.

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

By the stars, this man gets a hoot when you attempt to bake. You are just so bad at it but he enjoys watching you make an effort. “Just stick to cooking and I’ll do all the baking.” Although he still ends up doing the cooking too, not that you’re complaining.

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

He is a morning person! He doesn’t sleep like humans do so he has a tendancy to leave bed before you wake to make you a warm cup of something and a small breakfast so you don’t have to worry about that. It also gives him a few quiet moments to watch the sun kiss your skin.

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

Kylo Ren is one of those kinds of men demon who is touch-starved so he often finds himself seeking you out. Maybe you’re both sitting at a cafe or bookshop and he reaches for your hand just to feel you close by. He just constantly needs to be touching a part of your skin.

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

He’s been wandering the earth for a millenia and he will continue until the end of time. In all his years he has witnessed the destruction that colonialism leaves in its wake. He’s watched as many of his sacred places have been corrupted by man and it breaks his heart. Now one of the few places left is within a redwood forest, far away from the eyes of humans. A quiet place where he dreams to take you one day.

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

He has such a high tolerance for pain and often says “ow” just to feel like he’s just your normal husband- nothing demonic about him! 

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

“Yes, I love him. Yes, he is a jerk. Yes, I want to fuck his brains out.”

lol are we surprised

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

Kylo hates being apart from you so much. It tears him apart every time. When you finally see him it’s like all the air rushes out from his lungs the moment you walk into his gaze. He forgets how to breathe and just runs to you, to hold you. He soaks up your presence with his face buried into your hair and leaves chaste kisses on every inch of your face never wanting to leave you again.

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

Simple solution is sex- both of you fuck your frustration out. Once you called it “make-up / angry sex but without the fighting” and he did not understand what you had meant but he fucked you into oblivion and immediately saw solutions to his stress. You gave him hundreds of smooches after these kinds of evenings.

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

Kylo is truly afraid of losing you and not being there quick enough to save you. He really cannot fathom a life without you by his side and it kills him each moment he is reminded of your mortality.

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

Since Kylo is a fallen angel, they all lost their feathered wings- destroyed in the nine day fall. Oddly enough, he somehow maintained his wings. They were transformed to become black as dark as midnight with tips shimmering gold- like Icarus’ wings before he too fell to his destruction. This caused him to be hated more as many of the other fallen resented his beauty.

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

He doesn’t fight a lot- doesn’t really seek it out but when it comes to protecting you his long talons would rip through flesh and bone, rows and rows of sharp teeth tearing into his foes. A true horror and sight to behold.

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

Kylo loves loves loves watching you do your craft. He is so enamoured by your potential and skills that he can sit there for hours watching you work.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

Kylo’s cock. Oh, boy. There were plenty of historical texts and recordings of witch’s accounts of fornicating with demons but none could prepare you by how this man could fuck. Every time he rocked his body into yours you could swear you felt the earth shake beneath you. His cock was unworldly, a true testament to the Big Dick Energy he carried with him. His size was perfect- not too big, not too small, seemingly perfect for his body and your pleasure. What you didn’t anticipate was the head of his length- it flared and sharpened to a tip, reaching and caressing every inch inside of you. His cock really could ascend you to another plane.

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

This man does not enjoy things that have contradicting properties. Like, wet and crunchy. Pickles are a perfect example- just the smell could make this immortal demon gag and run from the room. 

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

When you’re apart he tends to just starfish across the bed counting down the moments until you come home. He doesn’t sleep well since the day you came into his life, he just needs you. When you’re together he has to- absolutely has to- sleep on top of you and cover your body with his while he gives you all the smooches between high heaven or lowest hell.

[petri808]

Hauntober prompt Ghost (sort of lol)

Bakudeku requested by @nona-inc Angst w/happy ending, AU modern times. Longer than I’d planned to write but stories go where they wanna lol.

Got the idea here

A Second Chance

In his adulthood, Izuku Midoriya did quite well for himself career-wise. He had a nice home and lived comfortably even though it was alone. Relationships had never really crossed his mind, which he chalked up to the turmoil of his childhood. It wasn’t a terribly horrible one but coming from divorced parents is never easy on young child minds. Why get close to anyone if they’ll probably leave eventually? That was a lesson bolstered by the end of primary school when his best friend ditched him for the popular kids.

It was Halloween night, and Izuku’s simply followed his normal routine after work consisting of dinner while watching a bit of television. Trick or treaters were a rarity in his neighborhood, so there was no sense in celebrating the holiday. As he waits for the news, he lets the current show drone on in the background while he scrolled mindlessly through his social media. He didn’t pay a lot of attention to what acquaintances posted and mostly looked for interesting or funny posts instead.

“Deku...”

Izuku’s brow furrows slightly at that ancient nickname. He looks at the television characters on the screen, had one of them said it? But instead of the tv show, he finds a fuzzy, staticky screen. He grabs his remote assuming something had gone wrong with the channel or service when...

“Deku, I’m sorry...”

“What the?” Izuku starts clicking the buttons and getting no response. The screen stays stuck, yet that voice... it was a familiar voice from long ago...

“...I’ve watched you from afar for all these years, because I could never admit how much I loved you and now it’s too late. I’m so sorry Deku. You’ll always be my only true love.”

Silence. Dead silence for a flash of a second when the television loudly blares back to life and startles Izuku out of his seat into a standing position. “What the fuck is going on?!”

The show had ended, and the news is now on in its regular-timed slot.

‘Breaking news, a major four car accident on the I10 highway has left 3 people dead and one in a critical condition. The victim identified as 37-year old K. Bakugou had been transported to the hospital for treatment. Police have closed off the highway in both directions, so anyone traveling in that area should use alternative routes...’

As he watches the footage of the accident story, Izuku’s hand unconscious covers his mouth and tears gather in his eyes. “Oh my gosh....” That was the voice he’d just heard! Of course, Katsuki was the only one who ever called him Deku.

He quickly calls one of the nurses at his hospital and they confirm that the man had in fact been transported there 15 minutes ago.

“Oh! Dr. Midoriya! We were just about to call you! Yes, patient Bakugou was brought in unconscious, lacerations to his arms and chest, broken leg, possible punctured lung, internal bleeding, concussion, and brain swelling which is why I was just about to call you in.”

“I’ll be right there.”

The entire way there, Izuku struggles to rationalize the message. If Katsuki was unconscious, how could that have been his voice? Then again that’s if you believed his television had somehow sent the message in the first place! Oh, this was entirely crazy! Izuku didn’t even know why his logical mind was allowing him to believe it had happened if not for the coincidence of the news coverage.

But as a neurosurgeon, he had to put all those questions aside and focus on the task at hand. The description the nurse had given him already indicated major problems, but it wasn’t until his own physical examination that determined the true extent of the damage. Primary surgical nurse Uraraka already had set up the operating room by the time Izuku arrived.

“The patient was revived once by EMTs in the ambulance and a second time in the ER after his heart stopped. Right now, the patient is intubated and prepped for emergency surgery.”

“Thank you, nurse Uraraka.”

Along with a fellow doctor, Izuku switched into a hyper focused mode. He works to repair the damage to the patient’s brain while the other doctor simultaneously focuses on internal chest injuries. Time was of the essence to stem the blood loss and mitigate further damage if they had any hope of saving the man, because even if he made it through the surgery, only a miracle would bring him back at this point.

It was now a waiting game. They keep Katsuki in a medically induced coma for the first three weeks as his body worked hard to repair itself. Once he was brought out of the induced coma, he still didn’t wake up, was breathing with the assistance of a machine, but at least the man’s heart was functioning normally. Surprisingly, Katsuki’s parents remembered Izuku and were grateful their son was in familiar hands. They’d initially flew in after the accident, but the cost to stay for such a long length of time would be too steep. So, after they returned home, he kept them up to date.

Each day that passed by, Izuku would check in on Katsuki’s progress like a normal doctor would, but at night he’d go home and ponder the ghostly message that had come through the television. He’d told no one about it because who would believe something so crazy? It just didn’t sound like the man, or rather child he remembered. Never once was there any indication Katsuki had romantic feelings for him, especially considering it was him not Izuku that ended their friendship. They saw each other in passing though middle, then high school and still nothing. So why is he now being told this?

Some say that when you die, any regrets you have must be released or your soul cannot ascend to the next plane. Izuku wasn’t religious or spiritual and before that Halloween trick he would have said he didn’t believe in anything beyond what he couldn’t see, touch, feel, and analyze. Ugh! Maybe that’s why this was all driving him so crazy. He wanted answers but the one person who could give it to him was stuck in a coma.

“Everything okay doctor?” One of the LPN’s asks Izuku. “I just need to check on the patients vitals.”

“Do what you need to nurse, I’m just visiting before I go home for the night.”

“Yes, doctor.” The woman makes her chart notations and leaves them alone again.

Because of Izuku’s standing at the hospital, he’d gotten Katsuki a private room. The man was taken off the breathing machine a week earlier and this way he could monitor the man without being pestered. There were times he would spend a few hours just watching the man sleep, trying to study what had become of his childhood friend. Through research, Izuku learned Katsuki had moved here around the same time that he’d started his internship at the hospital. Before that the man lived in the same town as the medical school he attended. It appeared Katsuki really was keeping track of Izuku, never married, and just worked in the marketing field.

Izuku squeezes the man’s hand with his eyes closed in a silent conversation. The only sounds being the beeps and noises of the machines to break the stillness. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t know what to think, what to feel, just that this man was dredging up long buried emotions that part of him was afraid to open up. Hadn’t he built up a good life, albeit a lonely one, it was still by his own wit and merits whereas Katsuki always had it so easy. The man was a smart, handsome jock, popular, and had been on track to do great things. While he was the geeky kid with freckles and wild green hair who the popular kids teased.

They were so close as little kids, all through preschool and the first years of primary. Katsuki was the extroverted one pulling him along on make believe adventures to emulate a shared love of a comic book character. In fact, it was with Katsuki’s help that he’d weathered his parent’s divorce. He idolized the stronger boy and wished he was Katsuki, not a weak like little nerd... perhaps having his child’s heart broken, really was the reason he swore off ever caring about anyone else again.

Did he just?! Izuku’s eyes pop open when his hand squeeze is returned by a weak one. Katsuki’s eyes are still closed and nothing else seemed unchanged. Perhaps it was just a nervous tremor, they happen sometimes. But no there it is again! Izuku stares down as the weak squeeze slowly turns into a grasp of his hand.

“Katsuki?”

A third squeeze. That meant the man was alert enough to hear and understand! Friend or not, it was the kind of thing to get a neurologist excited! Izuku quickly moved into doctor mode again and starts checking all the stats as well as alerting the nurse on shift.

“Welcome back Mister Bakugou.”

The man squeezes his hand.

“I’m your doctor, Midoriya. You might remember me...”

The man squeezes again and tries to talk, but after being intubated for a long time the throat tends to be dry, sore, and the muscles weakened. All that comes through is so faint it’s barely audible.

“Mister Bakugou, you’ve been unconscious for almost two months now, please try not to talk just yet, everything will be fine.”

But that only makes the man angrier. Furious red eyes flashing, Katsuki grips harder to Izuku’s hand using what little strength he has to try and pull him closer. So, Izuku leans in. “Calm down, it’s gonna...”

“Ma—y...” angry growling noises. “Mar...”

Obviously, the man wasn’t going to stop until he gave in, so Izuku leans in even more until his ear is practically next to Katsuki’s mouth. “I’m sorry?”

“Marry me damnit!!”

Izuku shoots straight up. “What?!” Is the guy serious?! The first words out of his mouth is that?! Wow... Katsuki really hasn’t changed, feisty as ever even after almost dying.

“Pa-pa—per pen!”

“H-hold on, just try to calm down please! I don’t want you to strain your heart!”

Midoriya grabs the chart, flips the paper over to the blank backside, and puts a pen in Katsuki’s hand. He holds it steady as the man scribbled shakily. ‘No waste 2nd chance marry me Deku.’

“Mister Bakugou, this is...”

The man pounds his fist on the bed then scribbles more. ‘Stop call me that! nickname!’

Izuku sighs and squeezes his eyes closed for a second. He hadn’t used that name since primary just like he’d hadn’t heard Deku all these years. “Kacchan. Happy now? I-I can’t just say okay. You—y-you ditched me remember and now you suddenly pop up and expect me to marry you?! Kacchan you almost died, I get it, that’s a scary thing to deal with, but you just need time to process...”

Katsuki writes, ‘Nothin 2 think bout. No more regrets,’ Then he mouths out the rest in a whisper, “I love you Deku.”

Izuku sighs, “I’m not saying yes or no Kacchan. Just get well first okay, then we’ll talk about everything.”

“Fine.” The man closes his eyes again seemingly satisfied with the answer.

He squeezes Katsuki’s hand. “I’ll see you in the morning Kacchan.”

When Izuku leaves that evening, he couldn’t help but walk out with a flutter in his chest and a pang in his heart. There really was a lot he still needed to get off his chest, but... he felt the honesty from Katsuki. If his dying regrets had been strong enough to reach him via spiritual mail, and the first thing he wanted to talk about was love, then... ‘take the second chance Izuku.’ Not everyone gets one.

[d20owlbear]

oh can you please share the grievances you have over twilight/ the vampires in it or what kind of research you did for your wip? how much blood would the cullens drink?

oh ur in for it now nonnie (thank you i love talking about my stupid lil research holes) 

 1) as we already kinda knew, the source material is... somewhat racist (please read the article here on how Twilight affected the Quileute tribe: https://studybreaks.com/thoughts/twilight-quileute-tribe/ and if you can donate anything to help them, this has been ongoing since 2017 to move to higher ground due to glacier's melting and moving the sea level up https://mthg.org/) 

(as a note, all my opinions here are opinions and I'm NOT pointing fingers or blame at anyone who likes the franchise and story, you're allowed to like what you want, just like, look at it critically) 

-- because of this a loooot of things are considered imperfections including but not limited to: scars and tattoos (cultural or otherwise). Both of these things are 'wiped out' or otherwise reversed by the process of being transformed.

 -- Now, i get scars to a degree, especially in the source material and the wild mistreatment all the vamp characters have gone through (at least of the Cullens/Olympic coven, + some others I'm sure, god is it fucking b l e a k) but that brings up the next point: 

 2) THE SCIENCE IS BAD, now i know what you're gonna say; you're gonna say "Jam, why do you care about the science? It's a *vampire* story! It's fantasy and supernatural, why the science?" because, my dear nonnie, i have standards. and those standards include obsessively researching every single rabbit hole that comes up. 

 Now, I *know* you shouldn't have to research everything ofc, that's fine, even in published fiction, whatever, it's *fine* but we’re talking about MY issues and i get to choose what they are. And it is a personal affront to me because TATTOOS ARE **NOT** SCARS, it's why they don't *heal* like scars do. Sure they get less vivid over time but they *bleed* and blur, they don't get smaller or disappear entirely! If your tattoo scars, it means it was done wrong!! 

(science time: tattoos keep their color because the needles pierce and mangle/kill the cells underneath while depositing ink—this is why tattoos *can* scarify if the wound is made big enough and it's why they're considered open wounds in the first place—and your macrophages (the thing that eats infection bits and things that don't belong in ur bloodstream and body, this is why you can't have the wrong kind of blood transfusion or it'll severely fuck you UP) eat the ruined skin cells in order to make room for new skin cells! EXCEPT it can't digest and get rid of ink! so, the new cells are created around these macrophages and *also* have the ink deposits. ink is however broken down by light and through sheer determination of your body over looooong periods of time, which is why you still gotta treat your tattoos nice) all of this just to say, wtf the tattoos should have BETTER staying power because the ink is no longer getting broken down by new macrophages and like, you're no longer vulnerable to UV or whatever through your skin. Common' StephMeyer you coulda had some real fucking hot tattoos in this world, some old school shit like Godric from True Blood. smdh 

 3) if you're still with me i applaud you cause here's another thing.. .why the FUCK do they kill every human and like animal they feed from??? OK, ok, like so, i get it, humans can only lose so much blood, animals too. (pls excuse my shitty math, i am NOT a math gay by all rights and i actively have friends whom i love that ruthlessly point out I forgot how to add things once. however, this is more or less right, the margin of error is gay just like me) 

 humans have: 4.5-6 L // 9-12 pints of blood lose to die: 4.5-6L // 4-6 pints?? of blood (this conversion killed me, no one tell me the right numbers if they're wrong) Generally, human stomachs have a volume about one liter, which is a little more than one quart (or 2 pints) tho it *can* expand to fit more none of the vampires are ever shown with or mentioned to have a distended stomach after feeding so we can assume that's not happening here. 

 "Hemorrhagic shock begins when you lose about 20 percent, or one-fifth, of your body’s blood or fluid supply. At this point, your heart isn’t able to pump sufficient amounts of blood through your body." (source) 

-- this being said there's more blood that a human can *technically* lose than a human sized stomach can generally fit into it. HOWEVER you will die unless seen to very quickly and before hemorrhagic shock sets in. In twilight saga canon it's pretty clear they Do Not Do This. So like, whatever, super wasteful deaths sure, fine. Keep the vampires unknown, whatever, you do you boyos. 

But also like... the Cullens straight up kill animals too, that's not *actually* what vegetarian means. BUT they don't necessarily ahve to, they apparently eat so messy that it's hard to tear any of them away from feeding and gorging themselves *every two fucking weeks*. They're wiping out the local herd of damn pigs and other big prey and/or predator animals, the fucking ecosystem is in shambles probably. that's right u heard me, 2 weeks which brings us to the next point: 

 4) they can only go 2 weeks, after *gorging* themselves full and killing an animal *EACH* until they ahve to do it all over again. holY SHIT THATS SO MUCH. that's so many dead people or animals, like that's over 100 animals and/or people a YEAR PER VAMPIRE needed to feed these people. And if they *don't* eat, their eyes turn black and they go just full fucking feral and kill someone anyway, possibly multiple someones. 

christ, just do the math, i'm not a math gay but Meyer isn't gay and has no excuse. i'm begging you, one damn thought about the implications of what you're writing, just once. (once again, you're allowed to like this, these are my personal issues with the source material and the "clearly heven't thought through the implications of what you've said" is my largest pet peeve ever ESP in stories and worldbuilding) 

 5) the powers are cool but have no consistency and is built to take advantage of. Which i will. to give my boy FANGS like he goddamn deserves in this godforsaken au/fusion. Finally, and not least, 

6) why the FUCK don't they have fangs this is a fucking vampire fic, it's a STAPLE for a monsterfucking reason damnit. 

 Anyway, dracula and gatsby are both public domain and i get to say how I'm writing them. Vladdy Drac is a bro and so is Jay Gatsby, Crowley's older than both of them in this, and they're all friends because he deserves nice things sometimes. Fuck it. 

 Look at it Meyer, you took a perfectly good gateway monster and turned it into a shiny de-powered superman human. terrible.

[rose-edith]

Inspector Mallory NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He likes to be held after sex. He’ll always ask if you need anything, but if you don’t want anything he’ll ask if you’ll be the big spoon, so you cuddle around him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ever since Sergeant Goodfellow told Inspector Mallory that he thought his jawline was “very chiselled” he’s become rather proud of it. Plus he likes how often you’ll kiss you way along it when you’re teasing him.

His favourite body part on you is your boobs. Inspector Mallory is very much a boob man, he likes playing with them and resting his head on them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His favourite place to cum is in your mouth. He likes to watch as it seeps out of your mouth before you swallow it and then he will wipe it up on his finger and make you suck it clean. But his second favourite place to cum is deep inside you, he likes to watch as it seeps out as well.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He goes commando every single day. Which has led to a few awkward moments in his career, but never anything terrible. It’s helped the two of you have the odd quickie as well.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s not massively experienced. Literally only one other person before you. So he gets to learn a lot when he’s with you and explores his likes and dislikes as well as your likes and dislikes.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves it when you’re on top, he gets the best view of you when you’re riding him, so it really adds to his pleasure.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It depends. In a quickie things can get very goofy and be amusing before the passion really takes over. But when you’re in bed together it’s intimate and serious, all humour gone.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s not terribly well groomed- it’s all neat and tidy but there’s definitely hair there, and he doesn’t mind if you want to be au natural, because generally he tends to be.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

When you’re in bed together it’s a very romantic, very serious coupling. But during quickies, it’s just passion and excitement and not terribly intimate, it’s just fun.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Can and usually does Jack off absolutely anywhere and anywhen, you’ve walked in on him doing so many times. He loves to put a show on for you when you catch him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He loves being tied down. He enjoys being at your mercy, whether you let him cum or keep edging him. He just loves it. He also absolutely adores watching as you do a strip tease for him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In the interview room at the police station. He enjoys being a dominant inspector and you playing the part of a naughty criminal in need of punishment. He likes helping you to ‘confess’ by holding off from letting you cum.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you in your lingerie or straightening your stockings. But he also loves hearing you singing, so if you sing a particularly saucy song he’ll be all over you in seconds.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He won’t choke you. He doesn’t want to do anything that could possibly hurt you in such a way. He’s seen too many strangulation victims to ever enjoy it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’ll give you oral if you’ve been particularly good or nice to him. But really he loves to receive it, any time any place- particularly when you’re on your knees under his desk.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Usually the pace is very fast between the two of you, he’s not adverse to a bit of rough, but usually quick and sloppy and needy is what he loves.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

As often as the two of you can manage. Absolutely anywhere and everywhere- but most especially they happen in his office at the Police Station, the thrill of being caught is just too good to resist.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

A b s o l u t e l y. Loves a good chance to take a risk and run the chances of getting caught. As for experimenting, let’s just say he’ll do anything once.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can only go for a couple of rounds, so there not a huge amount to boast about in terms of stamina. But when it comes to how long he can last per session, he knows tricks so he can prolong the rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t own any himself but he confesses to being very curious about them. He would, if you were ok with it, get some for the both of you to play around with.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t tease...much- but when he wants to he definitely can. But what he really loves is when you tease him, and it doesn’t take much for you to tease him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He moans and swears and grunts, it’s all so animalistic and it makes your pleasure all the more heightened. He’s loud when he can be, but when you’re having quickies he’ll often just bite down on your shoulder or neck.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He goes absolutely crazy horny when you leave love bites or scratch marks on him. He wears the signs of your sexual relationship with great pride.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s average in both girth and length, but he learns exactly how to use what he’s got to please you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Around you his sex drive is through the roof. He wants you all the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’ll fall asleep pretty quickly afterwards, he finds it such a relief to be totally blissed out that he can’t stop his eyes from fluttering shut and falling into a dream sleep, he even wakes up with a smile on his face.

[vera-the-witchynerd]

Mystery Skulls fanfic AU

The Seer

Chapter four: Fortune telling

POV K-Lena

“I’ve seen some of there posters around town, but I’ve never heard them play” Lewis says as he takes a sip of his drink.

“When do you try out?” Arthur asks with eager excitement in his eyes.

Vivi chimes in “Can we watch the tryouts?”

“The tryouts are this weekend and Anyone can come and watch” I smile as joy fills my chest at my friends wanting to come and watch me sing.

“Where is it being held?” Arther asks.

“A bar called The Sunset Moons” I tell them as I take a drink of my latte.

“We should all go and make a night of it” Vivi suggest as she picks up Mystery to sit him in her lap. I lean over and give him a pet.

“Yeah that sounds like fun. I would love to hear you sing, Vivi and Arthur have been telling me that you have an amazing voice” I blush a little at Lewis’s words. How much has Vivi and Arthur been telling him.

“I would love for you all to come and watch me sing I need the support if they don’t pick me” I say. Just then my phone goes off. I look down to see my aunt Rose has texted me that she needs me back at the shop. The pain behind my eyes kicks back up and I frown to myself. I can never catch a break with this pain. I just hope I can hide it well enough from my friends I don’t want them to worry.

“Looks like me time is up, my aunt needs me back at the shop” I wave the waitress over so I could get my check.

“Wait your aunts shop is open, I thought she closed it after you and your family left?” I look at Vivi, who had questions in her eyes.

“Umm, she did close it, but know that I’m back in town she wants to open it back up. she’s even expanded it more so it’s not just a fortunetellers shop anymore. You can get all kinds of stuff there now on top of your Fortune being told.” I hope that’s enough to satisfy Vivi and any other questions she may have. It seemed to work.

“I remember when we use to get our fortunes told back in the day” Vivi reminisces about the fun days when we would go to my aunt Roses shop to have our fortunes read to us after school.

“Yes, you would always be asking about ghosts” I say, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I’m not as fond of those memories anymore they just remind me of my losses. the pain behind my eyes start to blur my vision.

Just then Lewis speaks up. “I have to get back to the restaurant as well, which way are you heading K?”

Trying to focus my eyes, I answer him “I’m walking over to Main Street” this is a terrible time for this to start. I glance over to Arthur and Vivi as we leave the cafe. With my vision still being blurred I couldn’t tell what they were thinking or if they have noticed my off behavior.

With my focus being on if Vivi and Arthur having noticed my weird behavior and the pain in my eyes growing. I didn’t notice were the conversation with Lewis was going so I was caught off guard with his next question.

“Mind if I join you, I’m heading that way too” Lewis says. It’s not like I can say no, we will still be walking in the same direction and that would be one hell of an awkward walk. It’s not like I don’t want to walk with Lewis it’s just the pain is becoming hard to hide. With a weak smile and blurred vision I say sure to Lewis. We say our goodbyes to Vivi, Arthur and Mystery as they were heading in the opposite direction of us.

We walked for a minute before I broke the silence. “What restaurant do you work at?” I ask Lewis.

“I work at my family’s restaurant, Pepper Paradiso. My parents make the best food but If you like spicy food I make the best spicy dishes.” Lewis says with a proud smile. Forcing my eyes to focus, I could see that his smile lit up his face. Seeing his bright smile helped lighten my mood from the pain of my eyes.

“I love spicy food, I’ll have to stop by some time and try your cooking” I smile at him but what he said next soured my mood.

“So your aunts a fortuneteller, what type of fortune telling does she do? Crystal ball, palm reading?” Lewis’s asks with Curiosity in his eyes.

Looking away from Lewis I reluctantly say “She uses tarot cards mostly”

Catching my change in mood Lewis looks at me with worry his smile fading “Do you not like fortune telling?”

Feeling bad for being the cause of his smile fading from his handsome face. I try to explain my feelings for fortune telling “It’s not that I don’t like fortune telling per-say...” but I’m struggling I couldn’t come up with anything without getting into the real reason why I don’t like fortune telling. So I settle with “it’s a long and complicated reason” I finish with a sigh.

“I didn’t mean to bring up a hard topic for you. I just want to get to know you more, seeing as we share the same friends and I would like if we could be friends too.” He is being so sweet, no wonder he was friends with Vivi and Arthur.

“I would like for us to be friends too, Lewis.” I give him a big smile. “And with the fortune telling, it’s just not wanting to follow in my family’s footsteps.” I add at the end.

We walk a little more before stopping in front of my aunts shop. There was a sign that said opening Friday the 13th.

“Thanks for letting me walk with you K. I’ll see you later, make sure to stop by Pepper Paradiso” Lewis says as he walks away with a wave. I give a small wave back and head into my aunts shop.

Authors note: This chapter took forever to write but I hope you guys like it! There will be pairings in the story I just don’t know who will be with who...yet. I’m just letting the story play out. It can be a surprise for us all, me included. ;•; <3

[knjnvrland]

Prank Wars - ch. 8

> pairing | jungkook x reader

> word count | 6.7k

> genre | college!au, fluff, smut, angst

> warnings | swearing, alcohol consumption.

> synopsis | College can be a stressful time in anyone’s life as it is, why don’t we throw a little prank war in the mix to make it harder?

> fic masterlist

> A/N | English is not my first language, I’m sorry for the eventual spelling mistake, please let me know if you find any!

CHAPTER 8 - New Year's

The end of year holidays went by fast. Alice and Yoongi went to her parent’s house for christmas, and the rest of the boys each went back to their homes, including you and your brothers. It was nice to spend a few days with your mother and having everyone home a few times a year was always motive for celebration.

It was a lot of food, some gatherings with family members you only encountered that time of year and a few good gifts amongst the terrible ones Jin and Taehyung gave you -Jin’s being kitchen supplies and Tae’s children's underwear, nudging to your most recent embarrassing moment provided by JK. Namjoon was the only brother who got it right, gifting you a couple books you were eager to read and new running shoes. Amongst all the celebrations, you barely stayed in touch with the rest of your friends, so you didn’t know that no one was excited about New Years when it was approaching.

Christmas with mom, New Year’s with dad. That’s how it always had been, ever since the separation. This year, however, your dad didn’t have plans to come home from America, instead planning a trip to Europe with his new family. The four of you, of course, were not invited. This didn’t came as a surprise, honestly, every year he would menage to royally screw up whatever it was that you planned. The crowning jewel was the year he flew everyone to Florida to spend the day at Disney but instead you commemorated the beginning of the new year stuck in traffic on the way there. He tried his best, you guessed, but it was never quite enough. 

This year he sent you your money-gifts, as always, and no explanation whatsoever about the change of plans. A couple of days before the 31st you and Joon heard your mother on the phone with him. She had planned a trip with a few of her other divorced friends to a spa near by, and would cancel it to spend the day with the four of you. You knew she would do so gladly, but it wasn’t fair, so you came up with something. You would tell her you made plans to take a trip to a ski lodge with your friends, and the four of you would just go back to university a few days sooner then you planned and spend the passage of the year together. She didn’t need to know and it didn’t really matter to you anyway, that date being wasted anyway.

So, on the 29th, the four of you, alongside Jimin who just wanted to scape earlier from his family’s infinite traditions, were driving back to campus on Jin’s old truck. Your mother had made enough food to last you until February and tried not to look excited that she didn’t have to cancel her plans, but you knew better.

She raised all of you, she deserved many years of quiet and relaxation for every few days spent all together. 

You went straight to the boy's place, as three of you lived there already and the rest not bothering going home at all, just crashing there for the next couple of days. What you didn’t expect, however, was to meet Hoseok as soon as you entered the apartment.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Hobi was laying the couch shirtless browsing his phone with the heater all the way up and loud music blaring from the tv speakers.

“I can ask you the same?” Namjoon dropped his bag by the door and went to greet his friend.

“My sister had a job thing and didn’t go home, so I just came up with an excuse as well” he explained while doing a handshake with both Taehyung and Jimin, who took their places by the older boy.

“Families, right?” Jimin hummed, grabbing the control to turn down the volume “at least we won’t spend new year’s alone”

“Speak for yourself” you reappeared from the kitchen, where you were busy helping Jin put the food away “I just want some peace and quiet, change of plans: I’m going back to the dorms” you were just about to grab your bag when Tae stood up and ran towards you, hugging your back and lifting you up to turn you to face the other way.

“No no no, sis, you have to stay here” he wouldn’t let go of you and you hated to admit that Jin dragging his ass to the gym must have started to have some effect “it’s been too long since we had some quality family time”

“I just spent an entire week with you!” You protested, still trying to set yourself free “and I literally see you guys everyday!”

“Please, y/n-ah” Jimin pleaded from his place on the sofa. You rolled your eyes and stopped struggling.

“Fine.” You huffed “but if I’m left to do the dishes alone I’m a hundred per cent not talking to any of you until classes start” Tae letted you go and you dropped back your bag, walking to sit in the middle of Hoseok and Jimin on the couch.

“Nice, now that we’re settled, what should we do?” Namjoon was way too excited for this.

The next day you woke up with loud talking in the living room, and amongst the voices you were hearing, there were a few you were not expecting.

You took a look around Namjoon’s room and saw that he was nowhere near, probably letting you sleep late since you were the last one to fall asleep last night, staying up with Taehyung like when you were teens. You were about to fall asleep on the couch when Namjoon woke up to go to the bathroom and told you to lay on his bed, and you fell asleep playing with his fingers like you always did when you were a kid in need of your older brother's protection against a monster under the bed. And now you could smell Jin’s pancakes, the one’s with cinnamon and butter he did on special no-school days and had you already in a great mood. This was already the best end of the year you had had in a long time.

You could tell, as soon as you left the warmth of the bed, that the day was specially cold, and when you opened the curtains you were surprised with the sight of snow falling down. You ran out of the room to let your current house mates know and was greeted by everyone, including Yoongi, Alice and Jungkook, all gathered in the living room looking outside at the snow filled balcony.

“Maybe if I’m fast it won’t make that big of a mess” Namjoon thought out loud.

“You always make a mess” Yoongi stated, hugging Alice closer to him.

“but I have to get them!” Your brother pointed at his plants, all slowly being covered by the frosty weather.

“Hey, sleeping beauty” Jimin was the first no notice you “I’m glad to see you awake” he came your way and you instinctively opened your arms to be embraced by him.

“What's going on?” You let go of him to go and hug Alice and Yoongi, staying in the middle of the two and just nodding Jungkook’s way, acknowledging his presence. 

“We’re stuck here.” Tae was the one who answered you. He was sitting on the floor, distracted drawing faces in the fogged up window.

“What?” You turned to Namjoon and Jin, hoping for a better explanation, but it was Yoongi who answered.

“We got snowed in, the news are warning people to get out of the roads and stay in” you looked at him and he shook his shoulders as if saying ‘what can we do?’

“But what are you doing here” you pointed between the couple and a second later pointed towards Jungkook as well.

“We were just passing by to go to Yoongi’s for the rest of the break” Alice explained “the warnings began when we were close to town, so we just decided to stop here. The boy’s place was closer so we called Hobi to ask him if we could crash here a couple hours” Alice winked at your friend who agreed with his head “and as soon as we got here it got worse and now we’re stuck.” She finished, but then pointed at Jungkook “i don’t know what he’s doing here.”

“He came by earlier” Jin pointed out, coming back with a couple of cups of warm coffee, handing one to you, which you took gladly “he never left town” Jungkook gave a nod, confirming the eldest story, but didn’t add anything, instead nudging Taehyung in front of him to get up and go with him to the kitchen.

You caught Jin and Yoongi sharing a look as soon as the youngest boys left, but it didn’t last long “it’s going to be crowded, but we can menage” your brother stated, and motioned everyone to go to the kitchen as well “breakfast is ready, who’s hungry?”

The second to last day of the year was spent with a lot of chatter and bickering. Your brother’s apartment was big enough for your weekly get togethers, but once all of you had to share the space for more then a couple of hours it got chaotic. Jin would be yelling at someone every couple of minutes about something, and him, Alice and Yoongi ended up stuck at the kitchen for almost the entire day, heating up food or cooking some more for the rest. You and Hoseok would help by every now and then but, admittedly, not in a significant way. The maknaes tried to help out filling up a couple of air mattresses Taehyung had -why he had them no one knew, but after that they did pretty much nothing. Namjoon managed to grab his smallest plants from the balcony and, of course, made a mess as expected, so a good hour of your afternoon was spent cleaning up after him. But after everything, all of you gathered on the floor around the coffee table to eat dinner as the makeshift family you were.

“Can you pass me the ketchup?” Hoseok pointed at the bottle next to you and you grabbed it to give it to him, but Jimin was faster and took it from you “hey!” The older boy complained, but to no avail, as the sauce was then passed to everyone on the table first before getting to him “you’re idiots” he said, when it finally got to him.

“We should play a game later” Alice suggested.

“No thanks” was the answer her boyfriend gave her, finishing up his food and standing up to ego to the kitchen.

“C’mon! It will be fun! I found some board games at Namjoon’s room when I went to shower!” Your brother glared at her but she pretended she didn’t see it.

“I'm down” Taehyung was the first to agree “I’m bored as fuck and there’s no one online to game with” Alice high fived him and eyed the rest of you expectantly. 

Jungkook stood up to also take his dishes to the kitchen and halfway there turned around “I’ll pass” he was in a weird mood all day and, although he participated and wasn’t that closed off, you could tell his chipper disposition was missing. 

“I guess I’ll play as well then” Jimin stole the final sip from your cup and stood up, grabbing your plate as well as his.

“Thank you” you smiled at him and turned to your friends “I guess it can be fun..” Hoseok rolled his eyes but nodded as well, and Jin gave you a thumbs up.

You settled on a game of monopoly -that you lost by a big margin on the two rounds you played. Alice winning the first one and Jin the second. You were smart with money in real life but apparently as soon as you got rich on the game you got cocky and lost it all. Taehyung and Jimin weren’t so chill about losing, specially when you settled that last places would do the dishes. Namjoon and Hoseok, staying in the middle, managed to scape, and settled in front of the tv to play a few rounds of Mario Bros once everyone got annoyed with the board game.

While you were playing Yoongi stayed at the sofa on his computer with his headphones turned so loud you could distinguish the music coming from it as the one’s he was working on, and Jungkook hid away in Namjoon’s room. At first he just went there to shower, but he never got back and everyone must have sensed that there was something off, since no one went after him and just letted him be. 

It was almost 1am when you were done with the cleaning up, Jimin bailing half an hour ago and leaving you and your sibling to finish up. Taehyung went straight to his room to shower and get some sleep -at least that’s what he said, but he was always a night owl and you were sure he would be back to play his videogame a little in no time. Alice and Yoongi took one of the air mattresses to Jimin’s room and you guessed the three of them must already be out as there were no noises coming from his door. Jin was still on the couch, but you could see he was dozing off, so you nudged him to go to bed. He had slept with Tae on his bed the night before, but the younger had the habit of curling himself around whoever he was sleeping with and Jin hated it, so he took the other air mattress this time. Hoseok and Namjoon were also nowhere in sight, so you assumed you were the last one standing and made your way to Joon’s room. As soon as you opened the door you could hear his shower running, that wouldn’t be a problem, you could sleep through almost anything, but this time your place on the bed was already taken by a sleeping Jungkook.

You’ve forgotten for a second he had been hiding there the whole night and seeing him fast asleep you didn’t have the guts to wake him, so you turned around and decided to take the couch. You stayed awake for a little longer, reading a book you borrowed from Namjoon, waiting to see if Tae would be back, but he never was, so you turned out all the lights and made yourself comfortable in the sofa. You dozed off watching the snow fall outside, too lazy to stand up and close the curtains.

It must’ve been the middle of the night when you were woken up by an unwanted presence scooting beside you on the couch.

“Hey what are you doing?” You whispered to the body next to you

“Namjoon hyung is too warm” Jungkook murmured, barely awake, you noticed “and he snores” you chuckled and gave him a little more space.

The both of you stayed silent for a while, uncomfortably trying to keep your distance from each other even in the small space. Jungkook wiggled around and it was starting to annoy you. You turned to your side and pulled his arm over the small of your waist, making him turn as well and spoon you. He froze in place.

“Kookie, it’s okay, I just want to sleep” you could feel his breath on the back of your head getting back to normal. He stopped wiggling and got a little bit closer, touching his chest on your back.

“I like this” he whispered, before falling asleep. You liked it too, but you weren’t sure if you liked it because before he got here you were feeling a little bit cold and his body next to yours gave you the extra warmth you didn’t know you were missing, or if you liked it because the person next to you was who it was. You tried not to think about it and just fell asleep again.

The next morning you woke up in the same position you fell asleep, facing the sofa with Jungkook all wrapped up around you. It was pretty early and everyone else was still sleeping. You started to move a bit, to see if he would wake up as well, but it didn’t really work.

“Hey” you turned your head as far as you could, and saw his face just a few centimeters away from yours. His bangs were getting long and almost covered his eyes entirely. You moved your body a bit again, and he frowned in his sleep before hugging you closer to him and hiding his forehead on your shoulders. “Wake up, I have to pee” you whined and he chuckled, not giving any other signs he would move. “Dude, please” you tried to untangle yourself from him, but he just held you closer. You got tired of his antics and just stopped moving for a bit, as soon as you felt him relax you pushed yourself as hard as you could and, consequently, him. He fell to the ground with a sound thud but, weirdly, started laughing.

“You’re stronger then you look” he supported himself on his elbows and smiled up at you. You tried to ignore the weird thing your heart did and just stood up, walking towards the bathroom on the hallway.

“Take that as a warning not to mess with me” you said, not looking back. Jungkook laid back on the floor and closed his eyes, opening them again only when he heard you flush.

“I could really use a coffee right now” he said, walking towards the kitchen.

“Same” you went after him and the two of you started preparing breakfast.

It was supposed to be only coffee and toast, but then you were craving the pancakes he made you when you stayed over at his place, and you searched the kitchen for the ingredients. While doing so you found a few pieces of bacon on the back of the fridge and Jungkook gave you the idea of adding bacon and eggs to your toasts. Before you could notice you were making a full breakfast and the smell was invading every inch of the apartment.

“That’s something I like to wake up to” Hoseok anchored in the counter to steal a strip of bacon “please move in” 

You chuckled and made him a plate, soon enough the rest of your friends were all in the kitchen as well, in various stages of awakeness. Namjoon and Jimin were put together, having already showered and changed. Yoongi and Taehyung were half asleep, eating mindless not really paying attention to anything else. Jin was way too awake, cracking jokes about how Jungkook and you learned everything you knew from him and should come help at the cafe. Alice was on the phone with her mother, explaining why you never made it to Yoongi’s. 

Once breakfast was over, everyone scattered to do their own things. You went to Namjoon’s room to take a shower, as the other bathrooms were already taken, and once you came out only Jimin and Jin were at the living room, playing a game you didn’t know.

“Where’s everybody?” Both of them shrugged, not looking at you. You were going to ask again, but came to the conclusion it didn’t matter. You were all still stuck in and, by the sight of the snow falling outside, would be for a little while longer. So you took a place besides Jimin and extended your legs to his lap, grabbing your phone and scrolling mindless.

A few hours went by and every now and again someone would show up, hang for a little and then disappear again into one of the rooms. Everyone ate a lot and had breakfast late, so no one mentioned lunch, but once the sun started to set Taehyung came to find Jin and complain he was hungry again.

“Let’s just heat up mom’s food, it should be enough to feed everyone” Jin didn’t mind shifting his attention from the tv. From the looks of it, a couple more hours and they would beat the game. “y/n, can you do it?” You rolled your eyes but stood up, walking towards the kitchen with Tae right behind you.

“You’re giving me free breakfast for a week” you teased Jin, but he didn’t even budge.

“You wish”.

You found a couple of your mother’s foods and kept your brother as far of everything as possible. Even if Taehyung wasn’t as clumsy as Namjoon, he was still a mess at the kitchen and you wanted to spare yourself the extra work, so it was easier to keep him at bay. At some point Yoongi resurfaced from Jimin’s room and joined you at the kitchen, helping out where he could. Dinner was just finished when all the lights went down and you heard a couple of scrams, distinguishing Jin’s and Jimin’s swears.

Yoongi turned on his flashlight and Taehyung did the same, you left your phone charging so you didn’t have it with you.

“What happened?” Yoongi went to the counter to look at the living room, where you could make a few shadow moving. Alice came from the hallway with her flashlight turned on as well and illuminated the two boys in the couch, completely defeated.

“We were at the final boss” Jimin whined, covering his face with his hands.

“There was no save” Jin added, his body melting into the cushions.

“You’re so dramatic” even if you couldn’t see, you were sure Alice was rolling her eyes at them.

Namjoon and Jungkook emerged from their hiding spots as well.

“Is everyone okay?” Namjoon asked, turning his light around the room to find everybody. You all nodded. “Ok, the power must’ve gone off, it will probably come back soon.”

Jungkook walked to the window to check outside and the buildings and houses in the neighborhood also had their lights out. “I don’t know hyung, it’s pretty dark out there”.

Beside you, Taehyung was browsing the internet to see if he found anything about it, but to no avail. “We just have to wait it out, I’m gonna check on Hobi” he walked out of the kitchen and you looked back at Yoongi, who had put his phone down with the light turned to the ceiling and was opening the oven to check on the food. 

“It’s not boiling hot but it’s cooked, at least we can eat” he took it out and the smell attracted the ones on the living room to come close.

Taehyung came back with Hoseok and everyone set their phones with the lights up so you could at least see what you were eating. 

More than an hour went by and everyone had finished their dinners, but the light was still out. Taehyung’s phone had run out of battery already and the rest of you were taking turns keeping the flashlights on so it would last for as long as possible. Hoseok and Namjoon both had candles in their rooms but keeping them on did not turn out good when the scents started mixing, so you just kept one in the middle of the coffee table so no one would trip.

“I’m bored” Jin whined, lying on the floor by the tv. Everyone agreed, all the conversation topics had come to an end and for the past twenty minutes it was a weird, although comfortable, silence.

Suddenly, Jimin stood up, grabbing Taehyung by the hem of his sweater to follow him. Both boys disappeared into a room and came back minutes later carrying six bottles of whine. “Let’s have a drinking game” Jimin exclaimed, excited.

“How the fuck do you keep so much alcohol in your room?” Hoseok asked, amazed “not that I’m complaining, I’m in”

Everyone else agreed and Namjoon went to pick a deck of cards so you could play around with.

The first couple of games made you empty half the bottles already “Chim, I don’t think those would be enough” you were a little bit tipsy already, but could tell half your friends were still pretty sober, and it would take a lot to get them drunk. Jimin rolled his eyes and stood up, his cheeks were a little flushed, but he didn’t lose his balance at all, so you guessed he was part of the sober ones.

“You’re all paying me back later” he sent to his room and came back with a bottle of tequila. Everyone cheered and someone, you’re not sure who, suggested that you played Truth or Dare.

After making Hoseok drink a spoon full of mustard, Jin to go outside into the snowy balcony shirtless and dance, discovering that Tae had sex with girls back at your place in Joon’s bed and then making him chug half a bottle of wine, and Yoongi giving Jimin a pack on the lips, as well as a few other misadventures you couldn’t remember, you were certain everyone was far gone now. That’s when, for the first time, the bottle landed on you.

“Y/n, truth or dare?” It was Taehyung’s time to ask and you knew he was eager to have his revenge, as the ‘chugging half the bottle’ was your suggestion. You wouldn’t give him the pleasure of saying dare.

“Truth” you smiled triumphantly, but his smile grew as well, and you knew you’ve fucked up.

“Who was your first kiss?” Oh the betrayal. He was the only one of your siblings who knew the answer and that has been a well kept secret since it happened when you were sixteen, even with your elder brother constantly bothering you about it.

Your eyes went big and your siblings started laughing hysterically. You had just decided to drink instead of answering, bringing your cup to your lips and turning your head back, when you heard Jimin, sitting across from you “It was me” you choked and Taehyung laughed harder, everyone else following along.

“Yah! What the fuck?” Jin screamed at him, but you could hear the humor in his voice in between your coughs. Alice who was beside you tapped your back while Hobi filled back your cup.

“I have to hear this story” Hobi turned to fill Jimin’s cup as well, and you finally looked at his face, not sure if the blushing was from the alcohol or the secret finally being spilled. He was looking back at you, searching for confirmation, and you nodded your head slightly, knowing it was easier to get it over with while everyone was drunk, maybe they wouldn’t remember it the next day.

“It was at Tae’s 16th birthday” he began “we were playing never have I ever when a couple of our friends began making fun of y/n because she never drank” 

You remembered that night. You were fourteen and your parents had just finished their divorce, even if your dad had moved out more then a year previous. Jin was already at uni and Namjoon was on a trip with a girlfriend he had at the time. Your mother let Taehyung have his party at home as long as he took care of you there and cleaned it all the next day, and went to stay at your grandma’s for the night. The first thing your brother did when you were alone was raid your mother’s liquor cabinet, and that was the first time you would drink. At first you just took sips of your brother’s cup, but then someone gave you one all to yourself. You didn’t drink enough to get drunk, not really enjoying the taste, but all of his friends were just fine enjoying as much as they could the free alcohol. When it was time to play, you were pretty much the only one sober, and also the youngest there. A few people noticed you weren’t drinking, not having done much of what they were suggesting and started to feel bad. Then they started making questions directed at you, lowering the riskiness until the question “never have I ever kissed someone” came up. And you didn’t drink. That’s when the making fun really got to you. They all laughed and so did Taehyung. You didn’t get along at all by then, and he was going through a rebellious phase, so he was of no help. So when you started to tear up and ran away to your room crying, it was Jimin who came to find you.

“Y/n? Can I come in?” He knocked on the door before opening and showing his head, searching for you and finding you hiding under your covers on the bed. You didn’t answer, so he walked in, closing the door after. “They’re assholes, don’t mind what they said” he took a sit by the edge and you pulled your head out of the protection blanket you created. He was specially pretty that night. Your brother and him had dyed their hairs for the first time the month before, Tae’s was a faded orange now and Jimin’s was a faded blue, with the roots starting to show. He was wearing black from head to toe and the earrings you gave him on his birthday.

“I’m so ashamed” you pouted at him, with tears prickling the back of your eyes.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of” he passed his hand through your hair “It’s just a kiss, half of the people their were lying about what they did anyway, don’t pay them attention” he smiled at you and you smiled back on instinct. Truth be told you had a small crush on him. He had always been kind to you, specially when your brother wasn’t, and he always made sure to include you and be by your side when you were left out.

“I’m gonna die alone” you covered back your head, realizing he was way out of your league and you’d probably never find someone you liked as much as you liked him as so you would never be kiss and never have sex and never get married and- you heard him chuckle.

“No you’re not” he pulled back the covers “you’re just being dramatic” he was looking at your soul and you felt like he had read your mind and knew all your deepest secrets. You sniffed and a tear slipped, he dried it before it could even reach your cheek, but instead of breaking the touch, he just kept his hand on your face and started to lean in closer. It wasn’t a deep passionate kiss, just a small one. Once you felt his lips on yours you immediately kissed him back. The butterflies were there, but barely. You liked him, sure, but you expected… more? He was the one who broke the contact. “There, now you’ve been kissed” his smile never wavered, always bright and kind. 

“Thank you” you whispered and smiled shyly “you should go back out there” he stood up and extended his hand to you.

“Only if you come with me” you accepted it and went back to the party.

No one had noticed you were back, having moved on from the game. The music was loud and there were a bunch of drunk teens in your living room. Jimin invited you to dance and so you did all the way through morning.

“That’s so cute???” Alice gushed beside you, raising her glass “a toast to Jimin, who’s better then us all!” But no one followed her, so she just chugged back her drink “Love is dead and you’re all hopeless” she whined.

Namjoon slapped Taehyung on the back of his neck “you’re an asshole”

“I was an asshole” he corrected, fixing his hair.

“I ship it” it was Hoseok’s turn to embarrass you, apparently. “what should we call you? MiniMini? You’re both pretty small after all…”

“No one’s shipping anything” Jin turned back his drink as well “and please no more kissing my sister”

From the corner of your eyes you noticed Jungkook gulp, but apparently you were the only one. “Who’s next?” He said, probably trying to change subjects as fast as possible, so Yoongi turned the bottle and the game continued through the night.

The lights never came back and when Namjoon’s phone died, leaving only yours still working, everyone decided to call it a night. You were all pretty drunk anyway, Alice and Tae had fallen asleep hours ago, and the rest of the boys helped them get to bed. Once everyone had retreated to their rooms, you were left to clean a bit, knowing you’d have to sleep on the sofa again. When you were back from cleaning the cups in the dark, you got back to the living room to see that Jungkook had turned the couch towards the window and had opened the curtains, and was just sitting there, barely lit up by the moon outside. 

The town was really pretty, all snowed in with the moon finally back as the skies had cleared up. You took a sit beside him and the both of you stood there quietly.

“I guess we’ll be free by tomorrow” he was the one who broke the silence.

“Yeah, I think so” and you were quiet again. You could tell he wanted to say something. A few minutes went by before he spoke again.

“Do you like Jimin?” You couldn’t help but laugh. “What? It’s a fair question!” He defended himself of your reaction.

“No Kookie, I don’t like Jimin” you turned to him and saw his ears turning red. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know” he turned away from you “you’re always kind to him… And you hug a lot.” He was embarrassed and you could tell. You had never seen Jungkook like that.

“It’s because he’s always kind to me too” you turned to the window as well.

“Yeah, he’s like that” Jungkook chuckled to himself, realizing how silly he was being. It was quiet again.

Suddenly, at the distance, fireworks started to go off. It went on for a while and you just watched, not saying anything.

“It’s probably new year’s” you finally spoke, still watching the party probably happening on the other side of town “I almost forgot it was today”

“It’s honestly the best new year I had in a while” Jungkook said quietly.

“Same here” you whispered “why didn’t you go home for Christmas?” You finally asked what’s been bothering you since the day before. Jin had told you that Jungkook didn’t have a nice relationship with his family, but when you started to ask more questions he refused to answer you. You found it odd, your brother always being the one you turned to for gossip, so you assumed it was something serious.

Jungkook took a deep breath before answering “I was not up for the drama this year” you turned to him, finally, but he didn’t turn too. Jungkook knew you wanted more, but he was no willing to ruin a pretty fun night with that story “I’ll tell you some other time”. He finally turned your way.

“But are you okay?” You wondered and pondered for a second before nodding his head slightly. You turned back to watch a new set of fireworks that had just begun.

The light on your phone turned off and you picked it up to see it was finally dead. “It’s gone” you sighted. I hope the power comes back by morning” you turned to Jungkook and found him already staring at you.

He scooted closer and you kept staring back at him. He then closed the distance and gave you a peck on the lips. It was really soft and lasted only a second.

“What was that for?” You whispered, not really bothered by the action, but amused.

“New year’s kiss” he smiled with fake innocence all over his face. It was late, you were still a bit drunk, the view from the city was pretty and there were fireworks happening as far as you could see, so you decided to let it slide, just for today.

“Okay” and you kissed him this time. He deepened the kiss before braking it again.

“I like when you call me Kookie” you looked at him puzzled “You called me Kookie last night and again today, I liked it” you smiled at him and pecked his lips again.

“Okay, Kookie.”

And the two of you stayed there, alternating between stealing kisses and watching the night until the sky started to get clear. You don’t remember falling asleep. Amidst the stolen kisses and the soft questions and the unspoken answers, at some point you fell out of consciousness, held by his arms and smelling his scent.

The next morning, you woke up alone. 

The sound of begs being dragged and chatter at the kitchen woke you up. Before anything else, someone extended you a cup of coffee, and you thanked Joon for doing so.

“What’s going on?” Your voice was still hoarse from sleeping, and you didn’t feel so well. It was probably colder then you remembered last night, and you’d probably catch a cold.

“They cleared the roads, Alice and Yoongi hyung are leaving to spend the last days of break with his family” he explained, sitting beside you and sipping on his on coffee. You sniffed and you brother pulled on the blanket you don’t remember getting last night “Jin hyung went out early today to get food and check on the shop and found you here, you fell asleep without a blanket” he explained.

“Is he back?” He then pointed at the kitchen, where although you couldn’t hear, you could see Jin waving his arms around, probably complaining about something the younger guys did.

“Taehyung’s the only one out, he said he was feeling claustrophobic and went for a walk” he rolled his eyes. It was still snowing outside, granted it was minimum compared to the last couple of days, but still “I’ll be pissed if I have to take care of the both of you sicko’s” he played around, giving your shoulder a nudge with his own. “Oh, and no one knows where Jungkook is” he added and you turned to him.

“What do you mean?” You tried to keep you cool but you were really curious. 

“He didn’t sleep here. He had slept in my bed before, but not last night” he took another sip of his coffee “didn’t sleep in anyone else’s room as well, didn’t you see him leave?”

You shook your head. He didn’t ask you if you knew where he slept, so you left that part out, and you really didn’t see him when he got out. “Did someone tried to call him?”

“Yeah, everyone did but he’s not picking up. Yoongi will drop by his place before going out and will check on him, we’ll try no to worry until then” he picked up your now empty mug and stood up.

You said your goodbyes to the couple before they went out and half an hour later Yoongi texted the group chat saying that JK was safely home, he was just asleep and never saw the calls because his phone was off. You knew Jungkook never turned off his phone before going to bed, so that was probably a lie, but you letted it slide, you would ask him later anyway.

You spent the next couple of days at the boy’s apartment, but eventually returned to the dorms. Jungkook never showed up again, and didn’t answer any of you calls or texts. It annoyed you to no end and also freaked you out a little bit. He probably regretted everything and the both of you crossed a line you shouldn’t have. There were still a few days before classes began again, but you stopped trying to contact him, deciding to catch up on some reading and help Jin out at the cafe when he reopened it, seeing as Rhina still wasn’t back and he could use a hand there.

You tried not to think about Jungkook, and for the most part you could, but he would still creep his way back into your mind a few times a day.

> A/N | Did you love the fluff? Because I loved writing it. At this point everyone has been so into all the tooth rotting stuff I'm almost afraid to bring in the angst, please don't kill me when I do haha I was going to wait until tomorrow to update but I think everyone can use a little distraction from the countdown to comeback (I know I can!), so I hope this helps a little. Next update will probably take a while longer because the chapters are getting longer and it's getting harder for me to write because of my university schedule, I hope you can understand. Have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are :)

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[blackswan18]

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 17 | kth (m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 2.2k

warnings: cursing

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Chapter 17: Your Special Day

The following Wednesday it was your birthday. Your 26th birthday, to be exact. Apart from making you closer to 30 than you were to 20, 26 wasn’t a terribly monumental birthday, but it was your special day nonetheless. Your dad had called that morning. Your sisters had both called, and would be coming to visit to celebrate this upcoming weekend. Your friends from back home and from college had texted. The other stylists had sung to you when you first got to the studio and pitched in to get you a small gift. Even Mrs. Choi. had wished you a happy birthday.

Everyone who mattered to you had reached out and made at least a small effort to make you feel special on your special day. 

Everyone except Tae.

You had spent all morning with him and he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t made any indication that he knew what today was. It might not have bothered you so much had he not made such a big deal of your previous two birthdays that you celebrated while working at Big Hit. On both occasions he’d started a countdown a week out and had been almost as excited as he was on his own birthday when the day finally arrived. 

The first year you were there he got you a three month’s supply of your favorite delicious, but ridiculously overpriced dark chocolate truffles. He didn’t give them to you all at once, though, because he was afraid you would eat them all in one sitting which was a valid concern. Instead, he gave you one every day for the next three months. If he knew he wasn’t going to see you over the weekend for a shoot or show, he would give you three on Friday, two of them with Post-it notes saying things like ‘Eat me on Saturday’ or ‘Poisonous until Sunday’. With a level of restraint that surprised even yourself, you always waited to eat them on the appropriate day. Even after those three months were over you would sometimes get to the studio and find one on the counter in front of his chair or get home in the evening and find one had been slipped into your bag.

For your second birthday while at Big Hit, he got you three tickets to see Zico in concert so you and your two sisters could go together. He knew how much you all loved the rapper and also knew that your sisters had been trying to get you to go to a concert with them for over a year. Somehow, he had secretly reached out to your older sister to find a date that worked for the three of you. He had held the tickets up to you, but before he let you have them he made you promise that, if you went, you wouldn't come back saying Zico was your new favorite idol. You scoffed at that and then assured him that Jimin would absolutely still be your favorite idol once you got back. He laughed at that and gave you the tickets, knowing full well that he was your favorite and nothing was ever going to change that. 

This year, though, there had been no countdown. No excitement. No presents. No remembrance. The worst past was, after everything that had happened over the last month, you weren’t even surprised. You were just disappointed and heartbroken.

Later that afternoon, you were in the studio staring intently at the PowerPoint on your laptop in front of you. Mrs Choi had asked all the stylists to put together concept proposals for the upcoming single’s music video and you were determined to come up with something great. She had never picked any of your ideas before, so there wasn’t much reason to think she would this time, but you wanted to wow her nonetheless. 

Pouring yourself into this proposal over the last couple weeks had also been the perfect distraction from your ever deteriorating relationship with Tae. There wasn’t much that made you happy anymore these days, but getting lost in a swirl of colors and patterns in your imagination did provide you some solace.

You were flipping back and forth between color palettes trying to decide which one screamed ‘Dynamite’ when the door to the studio opened. In walked Tae, looking so incredibly excited, and for a moment your heart leapt with joy. 

He remembered.

Surely, he’s come to wish you a happy birthday and apologize profusely for not remembering sooner.

But, a second later Jisoo followed him through the door and your heart plummeted back down, nearly fracturing upon impact. After how long it had been since he’d last visited you, it hurt that he brought her the first time he came back. The fact that he brought her here today, on your special day of all days, made the pain twice as bad.

“Hi, Noona!” he said brightly as he walked over to where you were sitting. 

“Hi, Tae,” you said flatly before mumbling with even less enthusiasm, “Hi, Jisoo.”

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisoo said in a sickly sweet voice. “It’s so good to see you.”

The way she said that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up; she knew how much you hated seeing her with Tae. Given your chilling conversation with her in the elevator last week, a part of you was now terrified that she knew exactly why it bothered you so much. 

“What are you working on?” Tae asked excitedly, peeking his head over your shoulder to see your laptop screen.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” you said quietly as you minimized PowerPoint. You used to love sharing your concept ideas with him, loved getting his input and then brainstorming together, but you didn’t want to share this with him. This stupid proposal was the only thing that was giving you any purpose right now. It felt like he had taken everything else from you and you didn’t want him to have this too.

He had the audacity to look slightly hurt that you’d shut him out of whatever you were working on, as if he hadn’t spent the last few weeks shutting you out of his life entirely, but he quickly shook it off. Sensing from your expectant look that you were wondering why they were here, he preemptively answered your next question.

“There’s a leak in the ceiling of Jisoo’s recording lab and we can’t go back in until it’s fixed,” he said with a pout. “So I thought we’d come here instead.”

And just like that, the hurt multiplied exponentially. He wasn’t here to wish you a happy birthday. He wasn’t here to see you. He hadn’t even wanted to come here in the first place. He was here only because he had no choice.  

And, he had brought Jisoo.

“Do you mind if we work here?” he then asked, though, as he did so they were already walking towards the couch, indicating to you that he didn’t actually care about your response.

“No,” you said quietly, eyes cast back down at your laptop. “It’s fine.”

~~~

An hour later you were trying and failing to block out their conversation. Jisoo’s voice was already like nails on a chalkboard, but it became even more whiny and annoying whenever she talked to Tae. Every word out of her mouth pierced into your subconscious, making it impossible to truly focus on what you were doing, but it was her utterance of one particular word that had you looking up in curiosity. 

“Hey, for the title” she started. “Are we still thinking it should have the word ships in it?”

“About that,” Tae replied, suddenly sounding very excited. “I actually thought of a completely different title last Friday night.”

“Oh?” Jisoo asked suggestively. “Did something at dinner inspire you?”

“Yes,” he said shyly. “As a matter-of-fact, something did.”

“But, I’d like to keep it a secret for now,” he then added a moment later. “I want to give it a little more thought.”

“OK, TaeTae,” she cooed. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

The room grew quiet again as they both returned their attention to their laptops. You looked back at your own, but your mind was currently miles away.

Ships

That sounded so familiar, but your brain was in such a fog that you couldn’t figure out why. You were still thinking about it a few minutes later when suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of Jisoo humming. As you sat there listening to her, staring blankly at the screen in front of you, a memory washed over you.

Some sad, sweet lullaby about ships 

Though you had worked hard to block out nearly every other recollection from that night, you found yourself coming back to this one over and over again. Unlike the rest of the night, and the following day, which had been full of anxiety, confusion, and sadness, those few minutes you spent laying on the couch, drifting in and out of sleep while you listened to Tae sing, had felt decidedly peaceful. He sounded so relaxed and content. Just listening to him had comforted you and made you forget about all the stress and drama of the evening.

You couldn’t help but wonder if he had still been singing this song when he found you sleeping on the couch, if he had continued singing it while he picked you up and tucked you into bed. Part of you hoped he had. It was clearly a love song and, even if it wasn’t meant for you, the idea of him singing it while holding you made your heart flutter nonetheless.

To this day, you still were not sure if he knew you had heard him. It wasn’t unusual for him to spontaneously and subconsciously burst out into song so it’s possible he didn’t even realize he was singing that song in the first place. 

You realized in the days afterwards that it must have been a song he was personally working on, one that would likely end up on his mixtape whenever it was released. Even if he had only inadvertently sung it in front of you, it still felt special that you got to hear it before anyone else.

Although you didn’t really remember many of the lyrics, you were half asleep when you heard him singing, you distinctly remember that the song was about ships. And, you definitely remember the melody. It was wistful and a bit sad, but also sweet and soothing. Above all else, it just sounded so Tae.

But, it also sounded exactly like the song Jisoo was humming right now.

Upon realizing that this was the song they were recording together, that he had essentially given it to her and even wanted to rename it to commemorate their date, something broke inside you. 

Every single sad, lonely, heartbroken feeling you’d ever experienced because of him suddenly welled up inside you all at once and it was beyond overwhelming. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t think. All you could do was feel.

And it fucking hurt.

“TaeTae, I’m hungry. Let’s order some food and have a couch picnic,” your brain somehow registered Jisoo was saying.

You were staring at the screen in front of you, but you honestly could not see a thing. Everything was foggy and blurry as your eyes began to fill with tears.

‘Ok, we can do that,” Tae replied.

“Y/N, do you want anything?” he then asked you.

“No, I’m not hungry,” you said quietly, your voice on the verge of breaking. 

“I actually don’t feel that well,” you continued a moment later. “I’m going to head home.”

You closed your laptop and started packing up your things as quickly as possible as wave after wave of nausea washed over you. At any moment you thought you might retch out the contents of your stomach along with your heart and soul. While you were stuffing things haphazardly into your bag and willing yourself to keep it together for just five more minutes, Tae had gotten up from the couch and walked over to you.

“Are you OK?” he asked worriedly. 

“I’m fine,” you said as you pulled on your coat.

“You don’t look fine,” he replied back, his face now full of concern. “Do you want me to walk you to your car? Or drive you home?”

“No,” you said hastily. “I’m fine, really, and you’re busy right now anyway.”

“Y/N, wait-,” he started.

“I’ll see you later,” you cut him off. 

Before he could say anything else you turned and quickly walked out of the room. You kept your head down, eyes trained on the floor, the entire walk to your car. The moment you got inside and closed the door you let out a heart wrenching sob. You sat there crying in the car for an hour, your head slumped against the steering wheel, wondering how it could possibly hurt so much to lose something that was never even yours to begin with.

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

[slasherscream]

A/N: i love soulmate shit. it's my bread and fucking butter my dudes. so here's a soulmate au where you see your soulmate for the first time in mirrors. take a fucking sip, babes!

     billy loomis x reader x stu macher             ft. mirror soulmate au 

                                                     ——————– 

You’d always dreamed about the day you’d first lay eyes on your soulmate. What would they look like? Act like? Would you see and meet each other young? Have a whole lifetime of love ahead of you? Would you meet when you’re old? Have a lifetime of experience behind you but still have hearts open enough for love?

You tried not to obsess over the concept. Plenty of people didn’t have soulmates. You might be one of them. It would be fine if you turned out to be one of them. People without soulmates don’t all die alone or live a life doomed to ongoing misery. You tell yourself these things a lot.

You also tell yourself your young. Very young. It’s a rare few that ever meet their soulmate so young. Still, you feel like there’s always an itch under your skin. Like any moment now something incredible will happen. The incredible something. That special moment where you’ll just be standing in front of a mirror, or a shop window, or any number of things! And the surface of that item would warp and gone would be your own reflection, in its place would stand the reflection of your soulmate. Your true love. Somewhere out in the world, perfect and beautiful, just waiting for you. Or        realistically speaking maybe not waiting per-say but, you can always dream. At least in the privacy of your own head.

This is one of those rare moments you aren’t thinking about your soulmate at all. Not even subconsciously. You’re brushing your teeth and dancing around your bathroom to the radio. Having a good time all by yourself. Then it happens. The moment you’ve been waiting for since you understood what soulmates really were.

The mirror you’re dancing in front of shifts and changes. You don’t notice it at first, too busy rocking out. You do notice when you whip around to point a finger at yourself in the mirror only to not see … yourself. Instead you see two boys.

Two boys wearing identical, loose black costumes. Two boys who are soaked in blood. Absolutely covered in it. The bathroom around them covered in it as well. It paints a gruesome scene. In the tall one’s hands you see something white and your heart stops. A mask. Their faces are exposed but in that taller one’s hands is a mask. A Mask you know intimately well for someone who lives in Woodsboro, CA.

Your brain is starting to work again. Your soulmate. One of these boys is your soulmate. Then your brain throws out another thought, you know these boys. They go to your fucking school. They go to your school. The ghostface masks. All that red. Blood. It’s blood. Masks. The names, you remember them now, Stu and Billy. Billy and Stu, a dynamic duo rarely seen apart. How fitting, you guess, that they’re quite literally partners in crime for this.

You have just enough brain faculty left online to try and catalog how they’re reacting. You’re trying to see…. trying to understand which one of these boys soaked in blood is reacting to you. Reacting to the shocked and stricken look you have on your face, toothbrush hanging from your mouth.

They’re both staring at the mirror. Not like one is seeing you and the other is trying to imagine what their friend is seeing in the awed way people always feel when they’re around when someone discovers their soulmate. They’re both staring at the mirror. Both staring at you.

Billy looks shocked, isn’t moving a muscle, hardly looks like he’s breathing. Stu is a whirlwind of motion. He’s pulling at his hair and seems to be screaming. You can’t read his lips. Never had a reason to try reading lips before. You want so badly to know what he’s saying at this moment. It’s probably what you’re thinking, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fu c k-

You open your mouth to start to scream. That was the original intention. What you actually do is start throwing up. It burns. Your eyes start to burn too, with tears that quickly spill down your face. You can’t move to make it to the toilet or the sink. Just fall to your knees right where you are, sobbing and sick to your stomach. You wish your bathroom was smaller in that moment, differently shaped maybe. You know they can still see you where you are, curled up on the floor, but at least you can’t see them.

Them.

A whole life fantasizing about one, perfect person to love you and you actually have two of them. Two fucking serial killers. This is the exact opposite of everything you’d ever wanted from this moment. The exact opposite of everything you’d ever dreamed. It feels like your whole world is shattering. You start to scream now. Raw, and angry, and heartbroken you start to scream. Your parents coming running up to your room, barging into your bathroom. Panicked they ask you what’s wrong. Your mother is crying. You fall into their arms but don’t stop wailing. How could you? This is the worst moment of your life.

                                                     ——————– 

You should have told. Should have told someone. Should tell someone right now. People would listen. Would even understand the fact that you’d waited nearly a week to go to the police. How does one turn in their soulmate? Turn in their pair of serial killer soulmates?

You haven’t been to school. Your parents, having never seen you act the way you did …. that night, aren’t pushing you to go. They don’t know what happened. You couldn’t begin to tell them. To form the words. What would you say? How can you express such a sudden feeling of profound horror and loss? It had hit you like a train-wreck and wasn’t getting any easier with the passing of time.

You can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t leave the house. You’re stuck in a mini paralysis. A living nightmare.

You’d only just managed to call your worried best friend that morning. Ask with a voice hoarse from endless crying if Billy Loomis and Stu Macher had been in class these last few days. Confused, they’d answered in the negative. You’d hung up promptly.

They hadn’t been to school either? Probably figuring out how they're going to kill you. Even though you’re horrified at what you’d seen you’re still heartbroken at the thought. They were still your soulmates. Your killer soulmates.

It’s why you hadn’t told a single soul what you’d seen. Without knowing them you’d loved them your whole life. Had made vows to yourself about loving whoever the universe saw fit to give you with the entirety of your heart. Some small part of you is still echoing those same vows. Repeating them over and over again, is what your heart does every time your brain tries to be logical. Tries to do what’s right. You feel like a monster. They could be hurting people right this minute. People you know! People you see every day, smile at, wave at. But still your silence persists.

You doubt they feel any sort of loyalty to you. Any sort of anything at all. They’re probably sociopaths. Or psychopaths. You forget which are the ones that can’t feel love. Nothing more than a loose end to them, probably. Just a problem to solve. Just another ghostface victim that isn't dead yet. Their secret will die with you when they kill you. Any day now, you think. It’s what you’ve thought every second since you saw them in the mirrors.

You can’t decide which hurts more, the thought of your own life being cut so short or knowing who will be doing the cutting. A dry sob escapes your throat and it hurts so badly. You can’t remember the last time you drank water. Can’t remember the last time you ate.

The doorbell rings. You ignore it. The doorbell keeps ringing. Your crying still, laying out on the couch. You’ve been crying a lot. When you shove yourself away from the cushions you immediately feel dizzy. You head to the front door anyway. You know you look terrible, whoever is there will take one good look at you and do the polite thing and go away.

You yank open the door.

You’d scream but your throat is too sore. All that comes out of you is a surprised little squeak that hurts more than it should. So much so that you grab your throat afterwards, whimpering from the pain (both physical and emotional).

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher are on your front step. Stu’s finger poised to press the doorbell one more time and Billy looking oddly stressed. More stressed than you’d ever seen him look. These are stressful times all around, you sympathize completely.

The part of you that cares whether you live or die wants to slam the door and start running away. The part of you that is already so tired of living like this, in constant fear and heartbreak? That’s the part that has you sagging against the door and wiping another round of tears from your eyes.

“Can we come in?” Stu asks, stepping up beside Billy who is doing nothing but staring at you. It’s not an angry stare… just a stare. When his face finally does shift it’s to fatigue. He looks just as tired as you feel.

It still hurts to speak so you just turn around and walk back inside, leaving the door open for them. You won’t beg. Won’t ask what they’re going to do to you. How they’re going to hurt you. You don’t have it in you to hear all that. You just hope they kill you quickly. It doesn’t have to be painless, even. Just quick. Quick enough so you can pretend your soulmates aren’t murdering you.

You don’t react when you hear the door closing or hear footsteps following close behind. You just walk to the living room and lie back down in the spot you’d been laying on for hours. Days. You close your eyes trying to already get used to darkness. You wonder if it will just be darkness forever or if they’ll be something waiting for you after the pain. You think you deserve an after of some sort for living through this type of hell.

Silence fills the room. You know they’re still there though. Can hear them settling in the chairs across from you. Your soulmates. You want to laugh and you do so, it’s manic and hoarse. Utterly painful to do. It’s unlike any other laugh you’ve had before. You don’t think this bit of throat pain will bother you too much in a moment.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Billy’s voice for the first time, drifting through the open space oh so delicately. You’ve seen him covered in blood. Dripping in blood. He whispers your name like saying it too loud will break you. Maybe it would. Why does it matter? You’ll be dead soon.

“What are we waiting for here?”

“Huh?” This time it’s Stu.

“Just do it already.” You still haven’t opened your eyes. You don’t want to see. You remember dreaming of getting married. Of starting a family. Of just being madly in love. You don’t want to open your eyes to a reality so cruelly throwing all your dreams in your face.

“We’re not here to kill you.” Billy spits. The venom in his voice makes you open your eyes. Not jump. Just open your eyes.

He’s staring at you like he’s been waiting to look you in the eyes his whole life. He has nice eyes. Intense and brown. Perfect for getting lost in. The romantic that died in you brutally would melt. You just want to cry.

“No?” You croak back, it’s not really a question because you don’t believe him. Of course they’re here to kill you. But ghostface plays games doesn’t he? Likes to fuck with people before he kills them? Maybe this is what they’re doing. Coming here in normal clothes in the middle of the day. Luring you into security so when they kill you it’s all the crueler. The ultimate game.

“Here.” You’d closed your eyes again at some point and only open them because something is being pushed into your hand. A glass. Cold glass of water. Stu’s sitting beside you pushing water into your hands and he looks … you’d almost say worried. You settle on pitying. You drink the water anyway.

Wonder if it’s poisoned. But that’s not their M.O.

“Thanks.” Your throat hurts less immediately. You are actually grateful for the small kindness. It’s probably the last one you’ll experience.

“Stu, we talked about this-” Billy says and Stu springs up from where he sits on the couch beside you. It’s only when he goes do you realize he’d had his entire side pressed to your own. You miss the warmth you didn’t know you’d been soaking up. You’ve felt cold these last few days inside and out.

This is the first moment that peace dissolves. Stu’s hands are ripping through his hair, reminiscent of that night you’d first seen them in the mirror. Billy seems to be an echo of that night too. He’s so still beside the rise and fall of his chest. Like a snake ready to strike.

“I just want to-” Stu starts off nearly screaming before he folds into himself. Billy gets up then, eyes finally moving away from you. He puts an arm around Stu and turns the both of them away from you. You can see that his hand rubs circles into Stu’s back like he’s trying to soothe him. They talk for a moment. Quiet murmurs you can’t focus on. Probably working out last minute details. You’re so tired.

“Please make it quick.” You interject into the space softly, they turn back to face you. Staring at them both at once is …. a lot, but you manage. “As quick as possible, please. I just …. I don’t-” your eyes are stinging again.

You don’t want to cry in front of them. But you have so little control over the body you’ve been abusing and neglecting these last few days. The best you can do is tuck your face into your knees and hold yourself. You press your knees into your eyes so hard it hurts. The pain is grounding. Centering. Everything will be okay soon, you tell yourself.

“No one came here to hurt you.” Billy says tightly, like he’s trying not to be frustrated. He speaks the way someone who knows they’d signed up for an impossible, irritating task does. “We didn’t even bring anything we could use to hurt you.”

“There are things in the house.” You’re practically on autopilot. About to start offering up the kitchen knives in the same way a host would offer someone lemonade. “Lots of things. You’re both creative.”

“Jesus christ, Billy-” Stu practically whimpers.

“I know, Stu.” He answers back, sounding tired again.

“We didn’t come here to do anything to you. We just-”

“Then why’d you come?” You shoot back and with that Stu is crying. That shocks you. The first bit of real feeling in days. You shift uncomfortably in your seat even, at the sight of his tears. The heartbreak on his face. It looks like he wants to fall apart, and then he looks desperately to Billy like he hope’s the other boy knows how to keep him together.

“You’re our… you’re our soulmate. You’re ours. We’re-”

“Yours.” Finishes Billy, putting a steadying hand on Stu’s shoulder. Stu pulls himself together quickly enough. Like he’s on a mission even though his eyes are still misty, “Whether we all like it or not.”

And that is your breaking point. You’d never imagined that being said to you when you imagined your soulmate. Whether we like it or not- (stuck with me. stuck with them. stuck. probably hate me. You wish you could hate them. But some part of you loved them even with the way you saw them that first time, soaked in blood) you sob and it makes your body want to be sick again. Desperate gasps for air narrowly avoid becoming dry heaves.

They’re both crowding you now, panicked by your panic. Your distress. Hands on you. Arms around you. One boy on each side and God help you, you melt into their arms.

“Didn’t tell anyone. Should’ve. But I didn’t. Like it or not,” You would scream if you could, “Like it or not       I loved you before I ever met you. Dreamed about you. And I-”

Billy tucks you into his arms, pulls you into his lap and Stu follows, pressing into your back like he’s drawn to you magnetically. The back of your shirt feels wet. He’s still crying, you realize. It makes you cry harder.

“That wasn’t the way you’d always dreamed of meeting us as a kid?” There’s something about his tone that’s softer now. You're doing nothing but babbling really, making such little sense, but Billy is an expert at deciphering what people mean. He’s seemed to realize now that you don’t hate them, much as you should. You’re just confused. Upset. Rattled. But there’s no hate in the way you’re clinging to him and reaching back for Stu. No hate to be found in your eyes. In your voice. Your touch. Just hurt. They can deal with hurt. They can fix hurt.

“Understatement.” Even as upset as he is Stu laughs at your dry response. Nuzzles into the back of your neck with a sniffle.

“We have a lot to talk about.” Billy runs his hand through your hair. Keeps your head pressed to his chest like he wants to tattoo you there. Keep you there. Remember you there. This is such a cluster-fuck of a situation this might be his one chance to hold you.

“It can wait.” Mumbles Stu against your hair, arms coming up to encircle you and Billy both.

You agree. You don't want to think too much about how the hands on you have been covered in blood. Hurting people. They're holding you gently and you want, just for a moment, to be soulmates. Just a regular trio of soulmates in need of a moment of peace before they brave the worst shitstorm of their own making.

                                                     ——————–

[peonybane]

Agape and Pragma: Chapter 2

Pairings: OT7 (BTS) x Reader

Word Count: 3.9 k

Genre: Hybrid AU, Fluff, Angst, Sci-Fi, Smut (eventually)

Summary: Your entire world had be torn asunder by just one lab test. Time heals all wounds, but does it really? What will it take to feel whole again?

Warning: Nightmare scene surrounding the idea of an infant death and trauma coping.

Hybrid Types: Peacock Jin, Serval Yoongi, Golden Retriever Hoseok, Great Dane Taehyung, and French Lop Eared Rabbit Jungkook… with more to come.

a/n: So, this one is kinda all over the place. First, bonus points for whoever knows what show I’m quoting. Secondly, this chapter is angsty as FUCK in the second half. But I promise Chapter 3 will more than make up for it. I also have no self control and am posting a day early.

<--- Previous (Chapter 1)

“You sure you don’t want to stay a few more days? I’m sure Deeba wouldn’t mind.”

“Shortstack~”

You smiled sheepishly as your best friend called you out. You weren’t ready. Even though you knew that this wasn’t forever, you still weren’t ready to let him go. He had been your rock through one of the hardest parts of your life, just as you had been for him. He held you through your mourning, through your rage, through your joy. 

But deep down, you knew this what needed to be done. You could see it in his eyes; there was life there, life that had never been there before. How could you take it away from him. 

He gave you a tight hug, burying his face in your hair. He may not have been a Hybrid, but working and living with them for so long had him picking up some interesting habits, such as scenting. “I’m going to miss you, Beefcake. I can’t believe you’re actually going.”

“Come on, now. Don’t guilt me like that. You’ve got so much going for you.”

You giggled out, “What do I have going for me? Is it that I’m pretty? Tell me I’m pretty, Liam.”

He laughed, knowing exactly where you were going with this. “Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion.”

“Because I’m pretty?”

He laughed. “Because you’re pretty.”

You both laughed, pulling away from each other. Liam flicked your forehead. “Don’t overwork yourself. And if I find out from one of these three that you’re overworking yourself again, don’t think I won’t come back and ask Deeba to beat sense into you for me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I’m sure I can handle myself. And I’m glad that you finally found your other half.”

While Liam smiled down at you, you could still sense a bit of guilt and sadness radiating off of him. You knew why— he felt guilty about finding his own happiness when you’ve only started finding a new one. You lightly patted his cheek. “Go… be happy.”

He leaned in and kissed your forehead. No more needed to be said. You both had said everything you needed to. Besides, it’s not like this was goodbye for forever. 

Liam turned his attention to the boys. Immediately, Taehyung pulled him into a tight hug, mumbling something about how much he was going to miss him again as he scented Liam. Liam just chucked and rubbed Taehyung’s floppy brindle ears, knowing that it was one of the best ways to calm him down, and more importantly, to stop him from bawling.

As soon as Taehyung was done saying goodbye. Liam did another couple of rounds of fair wells with the other two. Taehyung joined your side, his head hanging a bit in sadness. You leaned against him, reminding him that you were there for him. He rested his head on yours as you guys watched Liam wrestle with Jungkook and Hoseok one last time before he bid you all one last farewell. 

Your giant puppy let out a sad little whimper as Liam disappeared into the crowd. You reached up and ruffled Taehyung’s unruly hair. “It’s not forever, Tae Tae. Just imagine, once he and his wife are settled in, they’ll come visit us.”

Taehyung nuzzled into your hand, looking down at you with sad eyes. He took your palm in his and brought it to his lips, leaving small kisses in the center of it. A light blush rose in your cheeks, still not used to Taehyung’s chosen form of affection with you. You continued, giving him a sweet smile, “Will getting some ice cream help?”

If you didn’t know any better, your roommates had teleported into the car, with Hoseok in the driver’s seat. You laughed, turning to join them. This was it. This was your family now.

^~^~^~^~^ 

The days before had been busy and tear filled as Liam explained his decision to the boys, with Jungkook being the surprisingly biggest weeper. In the few days that Liam was home, he transferred the deed to you; complete ownership of the house and the acreage that surrounded it now belonged to you. 

It didn’t feel real yet, even as the boys helped Liam when they could with putting his stuff in boxes and helping him pack the things he would need immediately in some suit cases. It still didn’t feel real yet even as the boys starting moving things out of your room while you worked and into the master bedroom at Liam’s behest. It didn’t feel real even as Liam had Deeba Skype you all for the first time. It didn’t feel real even as you cooked Liam’s favorite meal of stuffed cabbage rolls and pilaf for his going away dinner.

No, it didn’t feel real until later that night after dropping off Liam that when you dragged yourself off to bed, only to find that your weighted blanket had been removed from your old room, along with most of your stuff.

You realized that the boys had moved it to the master bedroom when you hesitantly entered. You let out a breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. This… this was reality. This was your new home. 

After changing into pajamas you climbed into the massive bed. Sure it was the comfiest bed you had ever laid in, but it was cold. It was too big. It felt so… impersonal. You got up for a moment and gathered all of the pillows together, creating a barrier. Laying back down again, that barrier made it easier to fall asleep, almost as if someone was spooning you from behind.

^~^~^~^~^ 

“Hobi, are you sure it’s alright for me to tag along?”

“It’s more than alright. In fact, I think Jin would pout if he found out you weren’t coming with.”

You could help but chuckle a little as Hobi pulled into the drive away of this little cafe on the outskirts of town called ‘Seesaw.’  “Is that right, now? I didn’t think I left that strong of an impression.”

Hoseok nodded his head excitedly as he parked the car. He got out and rushed over to your side of the car, opening the door for you and you unbuckled yourself, his fluffy tail going at a hundred miles per hour. Upon helping you out of the car, Hoseok lead you towards the cafe.

As soon as you entered, Jin flagged you both down, calling Hoseok’s name. As you walked towards him, you noticed that there was another sitting with him as well. You were a bit surprised to see the Hybrid from the other night, Yoongi. 

Both men stood as you and Hoseok joined them. Jin and Hoseok did a quick bro hug then Jin turned to you. He took your hand once again and kissed it. “It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“You as well, Jin.”

Stepping back, he waved towards Yoongi. “This is my dear friend, Yoongi.”

Eyeing you a bit, Yoongi took your hand and shook it. You smiled at him. “It lovely to finally meet you, Yoongi. And thank you for the drink from last time.”

“And you as well. I’m glad you liked it.”

Jin smiled from ear to ear; there was a knowing glint in his eye. As you all sat yourself down, a waitress came by to take your orders. Jin and Hoseok ordered some sort of complicated lattes, with Jin ordering a spiced coffee cake to go along with his. Yoongi ordered an iced americano and an old fashion donut, which surprised you a bit. His initial impression making you believe he was more of a black coffee type of guy. You ordered an iced caramel macchiato.

The waitress smiled and nodded, walking away to place your orders. As soon as she was out of earshot, Jin turned to you, “I hope the drive here wasn’t terrible. It’s a little out of the way but they make the best coffee in town.”

You smiled back, “Well, with your recommendation it must be absolutely spectacular.”

You all continued to exchange small talk and pleasantries. Well, you, Hoseok, and Jin exchanged pleasantries. Yoongi just sat there, staring off into the distance, kind of out of it actually. Soon the waitress returned with your drinks and promised to be back with the food. You all thanked her and took sips on your drinks. Well, except Yoongi. He was downing his coffee like his life depended on it.

Quipping an eyebrow, you asked, “Sleepless night?”

The ears perched high on Yoongi’s head swiveled around a bit. “A few actually.”

He sighed then leaned back, rubbing the back of neck. “Haven’t been able to write anything good enough for work. Not to mention the stresses of finding a new place.”

“A new place?”

Jin replied, “Yeah, our landlord gave us final notice that now instead of turning the condos into a hotel he’s going to demolish the whole thing and turn it into a store as soon as possible. We got until the end of the month to move out.”

As the waitress came back with the food (when she brought Yoongi’s doughnut, Jin couldn’t help but say, ‘The serval has been served,’ before letting out a windshield wiper laugh), Yoongi seemed to have sensed the question forming in the back of your mind. Taking a bite of his doughnut, asked for you, “You’re wondering how two successful working bachelors are rooming together?”

You blushed a little, hanging your head in shame. 

“That one,” Yoongi pointed to Jin, “Is only good for cooking and basic cleaning. He can’t do laundry, plumping, or handle bills to save his life. I, luckily, am the opposite. Not to mention,” he took another bite of his donut, “He puts pretty much all of his extra money into his restaurant and helping some people with paying for their tuition. I get a head of myself and let Hoseok talk me into donating to every charity he’s involved in.”

You looked at him in mild surprise as he continued to munch on his doughnut, looking quite disinterested in the rest of the world. Jin on the other hand had enough shame for the both of them for once, the tips of ears turning a nice shade of scarlet. You sipped on your coffee for a moment to distract yourself. 

As you looked out the window, you had a thought. The words were out your mouth before you could even stop them. “Why don’t you guys move in with us? Even if its just for a little while until you guys can find your own place.”

Jin choked a little on his coffee. Yoongi’s usual neutral expression was broken by raised eyebrows, his large ears at attention. Hoseok looked over at you with an excited smile, his butt starting to wiggle from the force of his tail wagging from under him. “That’s a great idea!”

Jin interrupted, “We don’t want to be intruding.”

You replied, “Believe me, you’ll be far from it. With only half of the rooms being occupied, it’ll be more than welcomed. Besides, if you really feel guilty about it, you can pay rent if you’d like. Though I won’t charge you rent if you cook once a week and Yoongi plays us a song once in a while. I’ll just ask that you contribute to the pool for utilities. We do it evenly between us.”

This time you couldn’t keep the smile from gracing your lips as you looked at the both of them. Jin and Yoongi exchanged glances. Jin spoke first, “Could we get back to you on that?”

Your smile grew even bigger. “Of course.”

And with that you let the conversation naturally flow, getting to know the two other men.

^~^~^~^~^ 

Just two short weeks later, Jin and Yoongi were moving in. Hoseok insisted that Yoongi take over your old room, conveniently making them room neighbors. Jin took the room across from Jungkook and as all the boys were moving the boxes in, you could already hear the yelling from Jin as Jungkook continued to make fun of the other man. 

You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself in the kitchen as you continued to cook the welcome dinner. You had tried to help the boys with moving Jin and Yoongi in but quickly realized that it was futile as five healthy, strong men were way more than enough as they moved Yoongi’s piano into a corner of the living room. 

Dinner ended up being simple— just some pasta, grilled chicken, and a salad. Nothing too fancy, but certainly in big enough portions to keep up with five ravished Hybrids.

Their timing was perfect since all five ended up in the kitchen just as you were finishing up with cooking dinner. “Oh! Shortstack! This smells delicious!”

Hoseok came up behind you and hugged you, leaning in and sniffing your hair. You giggled and you tried to push him away. “EWWWWWWW…. Boy cooties!”

Hoseok laughed again, deciding to cover you in even more sweat as you protested, his tail smacking the counters in excitement. Finally he let you go, grabbing a plate to start piling food on. Taehyung showed Jin and Yoongi how dinner went when you all were able to sit down together.

Nothing fancy or formal, rather, it was comfortable and casual with everyone just grabbing a plate and piling on food. Jin looked at Jungkook, startled as he sat down across from him at the table, having piled on more chicken than anything else on his plate.

You laughed, looking at Jungkook’s plate as you also settled in to eat. “You think you got enough food there, Wild Boar?”

Stuffing his face, Jungkook replied, “That’s Bun Bun to you.”

You let out an unladylike snort as you peered over at Jin, a confused look gracing his face. “I- I don’t understand.”

In between mouthfuls, Taehyung replied, “Even though Kookie is a rabbit Hybrid, we’re pretty sure the scientists messed up and spliced him with some sort of predator as well. My money is on bear.”

In quick session Hoseok replied, “Mountain lion.”

Then followed by you, “Wild boar.”

Hoseok continued, “Kookie is big for a rabbit, even for a lop.”

You interrupted, “Don’t forget unusually strong.”

He continued as Jungkook just shot the room his usual bunny smile, “He’s aggressive as hell and the only ones that can take him on in wrestling are Liam and Tae.”

Indignantly you said, “What about me?”

Jungkook laughed. “Shortstack… hate to break this to you, but I let you win.”

You made a face of mock hurt, pointing your fork at him, ready to fence. “Raise your fork, Kookie! My honor is at stake! En garde!”

Kookie laughed, humoring you. You both sparred for a little bit, but as always, Kookie won. As you pouted, very unhappy with your loss, Hoseok leaned over and ruffled your hair. Jin finished his food, patting his belly, “Yah, that was wonderful. Thank you very much!”

You couldn’t help the smile that snuck its way onto your face. Yoongi looked over at Taehyung, who was pouting a bit. “What’s the matter with you, puppy?”

“I was hoping she’d make her famous poppyseed rolls….”

You sighed, clearing the table with Jungkook’s help. “Tae Tae, you know ‘Crack Rolls’ are only for birthdays and Christmas.”

“But it’s a special occasion!”

“You know I can’t make them while you’re working.”

Jin quipped an eyebrow. “‘Crack Rolls?’”

Jungkook started laughing as your face flushed a deep scarlet. Hoseok joined in on the laughter as he accompanied Jungkook in washing the dishes. He said, “She makes these fantastic poppyseed rolls. They’re so good, you can’t stop eating them until they’re all gone.”

Jungkook continued from there, “Tae gets his own roll for that reason. The biggest problem is that every time he seems to have one, he’s always randomly selected for a drug test at the school he works at. And he comes back as positive. Every. Single. Time.”

You all had a laugh at poor Tae’s expense. His entire face flushed and you were sure if you could see through the fur covering his ears, those would be beet red as well. You walked back over to Taehyung and kissed his cheek, which only made him turn even redder, but even as a regular human, you could tell it stopped him from being embarrassed. “I’ll make you a batch when school is no longer in session. Deal?”

You held out you pinkie finger for him. Even his own pinkie engulfed yours by its sheer size as he hooked it around your own. “Deal.”

The smile on your face grew bigger. You pulled away from Tae and turned to the rest of them. “You two get ready. Puppy piles are a regular thing in this house. So tonight, what will it be? Indiana Jones or Harry Potter?”

^~^~^~^~^ 

Nothingness. That was what surrounded you. Well almost. It was dark, except for the little pin prick of light, off in the distance. You stumbled towards it, the only refuge in this seemingly endless darkness. 

Instead of feeling safer as you got closer, you could feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. As you approached, you noticed that the light was emanating from an old television set. You advanced with caution.

At first, the screen was covered in static. But the closer you drew near, images would increasingly flash across the staticy snow. With each flash, you could tell what was appearing on the screen, each image making your heart hammer harder and harder.

At first it was vague, just a baby. But as the flashes increased, became clearer and clear that it was your baby. Once you were in touching distance, the static ceased. Instead this time, the sight before you had tears welling in your eyes. 

From your arms, your baby was roughly grabbed, tearing them from you as she wailed bloody murder. You screamed for whoever it was to stop, but the you on the screen couldn’t do anything, it was as if you were frozen, completely unable to move a single muscle. The screen flashed static for moment before it switched to Taka’s face. An unknown woman, faceless, stood behind him as he passively dropped your daughter… as if he were dropping a ball.

Your wails started to mesh with the babies until she suddenly fell silent. You fell to your knees, clawing at the screen, trying to do something…. Anything to try to save her. 

Your wails were cut short by a sudden, slicing pain in your abdomen. You pressed your hands your abdomen, looking down to find blood… so much blood.

Suddenly, you heard a wail once more… a baby’s wail. At first, the pain kept you from figuring where the sound was coming from. Your heart stopped as you realized it was coming from your abdomen. 

You scratched at your abdomen, crying, scared and confused. You didn’t know what to do. You just needed to save her. Just needed to—

You were violently shaken awake, Taehyung’s panicked voice calling your name. Adrenaline still pumping through your system, you stared back at Taehyung’s panicked face. You looked around the room, seeing your other roommates standing in your doorway looking frazzled. Jin and Yoongi looked confused and scared. Jungkook and Hoseok standing on either side of your bed, ready to help Taehyung if need be. Heeding them for only a moment, your panic returned, the adrenaline and the images still fresh in your head.

Scratching at your now red stomach, tears still streaming down your face, you cried, “T-Tae, I have to help her. She’s hurt or worse. Tae! W-Where’s my baby? Where is she?! T-Taka! He took her—“

Tae took ahold of your wrists, using his strength to overpower you, trying to keep your from hurting yourself even further. He called your name over and over again, his voice trembling as you continued to fight him. You continued panicking, only to soon find a pair of strong arms hugging you from behind. Jungkook whispered your name in your ear, “Shhhh… please. Please stop hurting yourself. It won’t fix everything that’s already been broken.”

You started hyperventilating, your mind still reeling with fear, with anger, with grief. Slowly, you started to stop fighting. Weeping weakly as both Taehyung and Jungkook released their hold on you, you closed your eyes. 

The boys shifted, Taehyung moved to get in a better position, pulling you into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, his hands still loosely encircled around your wrists for fear of you trying to hurt yourself. Leaning his head against your own, he started singing to you. It was low and you weren’t exactly sure what it was he was singing, but it sounded like one of the lullabies he would sing to his kindergarteners during nap time.

Jungkook removed himself from the bed, keeping a wary on Tae. He let Hoseok take his place. 

Slowly, Hoseok reached towards you, lifting your shirt to check if you’d added any more scars to your stomach. Hoseok kept an eye on Taehyung even as he examined you, knowing how protectively aggressive he would become around you whenever you had an episode like this. During these episodes, Taehyung barely let Hoseok near you, never mind Jungkook; the only reason Jungkook was able to hug you was because of how distracted Taehyung was, trying to keep you from hurting yourself. The only reason Taehyung let Hoseok near you was because as a fellow canine Hybrid, Hoseok had the same instincts as Taehyung, though not quite as strong— no one had as strong of instincts as Taehyung did.

As soon as Jin and Yoongi took a hesitant step into the room, Taehyung gave them a warning growl, making them both stop mid step. Jungkook swallowed, taking that as his cue to excuse himself, still keeping an eye on Taehyung as he did so. “Come on. Let’s go get the first aid kit for Hobi. I’ll explain what’s going on to you.”

Jungkook dragged the other two away. The moment they were no longer in view, Taehyung turned his full attention back on you. He brought one wrist to his lips (instead of your palm like he had down earlier that day), kissing the scars from the time you’d tried to scratch your wrists open from a similar nightmare. As he kissed, your finger grazed his cheek. The wetness found there brought your attention to it.

You turned slightly to look up at his face. His brow was knit together in worry, his normally perky and floppy ears were flush with his head. His eyes were brimming with tears he was desperately trying to hold back. Your lip trembled looking at him before you gave in and buried your face into his chest, weeping. 

Taehyung held you tightly, grounding you as you wept, Hoseok stroking your hair. 

Whispering in your ear, Taehyung reassured you, “None of this is your fault. If I could I would take your pain for you. Stop blaming yourself. Please… stop punishing yourself.”

He kissed the crown of your head and continued to sing softly to you. You fell into a dreamless sleep, still wrapped in Taehyung’s arms.

As always, reviews, comments, asks, and tags are always loved! ~Peony

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[kessielrg]

[DA+KH] CODEX: Letters to First-Enchanter Mickey

Summary: I love unconventional story telling. It's one of the reasons why I love the Dragon Age series so much with its codex entries; it's also why Carrie is one of my favorite books. With @chibi-mushroom concluding the Broken Circle quest in their Dragon Age AU for Kingdom Hearts, I had a severe compulsion to make a pre-DA2 codex for Anora and Ephemer. I'd do more for other characters if they ask me, if they wanted to. Again, I love this kind of story telling. :D

Rating: K+

Word count: 1,598 words

-

Letters to First-Enchanter Mickey

(found in various places during Act 1)

. . .

I wanted to thank you for this opportunity, First-Enchanter Mickey. The world outside is a lot larger than I ever could have imagined. The Free Marches are beautiful, but I believe I am Ferelden through and through. I enjoyed the sights on the way over more than I did actually being placed here.

At first, there was a bit of a scuffle on where I belonged. The teachers and doctors at the rehabilitation retreat refused to believe that I was to remain by Ephemer's side. Had it not been for the letter you had Knight-Commander Cid sign, my adventure would have been over before it began.

Ephemer still refuses to see me than anything other than another demon. But he doesn't want me to leave either. As we were being accustomed to here, I think he's starting to realize that he is no longer dreaming. Or, more accurately, being forced to relive a nightmare by a demon. He hasn't asked me, but I've heard him ask the staff, “Is she really there? Is that pink-haired mage truly alive? Am I being haunted by her spirit?”

To curb some of my worry, I've started singing to him when there's a lull in activity. It's at those times when I could leave and let him rest, but I don't want to. Apparently, I can't hit any high notes; when I try Ephemer quite visibly flinches. But then he smiles. A reminder that he's still living, maybe? Who's ever heard of a demon that could sing? And if they could, why would they purposely be bad at it?

I'd make a terrible desire demon.

-

He choked me.

He didn't mean to, honest. It was all my fault. I reminded him of the Circle. I don't know how, I just know that I did in some way.

Ephemer has taught me to never, ever doubt the strength of the Templars, First-Enchanter. The first time I learned this, it was during one of our first secret meetings. He simply picked me up as if I were a feather and… Well, you can imagine the rest, ser. But as he held my throat in such a tight grip at that moment, and I couldn't breathe, I feared I was going to die right then and there. I had to use my magic to get out of his grip. I almost wasn't able to do it. Ephemer came to his senses not long after.

His eyes… I've never seen a man's eyes go from pure hatred to regret so quickly. He apologized, a lot, but I couldn't answer. I hope he knows. I don't blame him.

But if you will, First-Enchanter, I would like if you sent some more elfroot. There is a short supply here in the Free Marches since the Blight started.

-

The knight-commander from Kirkwall came to visit us today. Sephiroth, I believe his name was. Apparently, he had heard about Ephemer's blight and wanted to see him for himself. The two talked for a long time. They discussed many matters; mostly those in regards to Templar duties and a possible (very immediate) position for Ephemer among the Kirkwall Templars.

I was present during the entire talk, but was ignored. Or, at the very least, the knight-commander ignored me. Ephemer made quite a bit of emphasis on my role in his recovery. He over glamourized it a bit, but I wasn't unwelcome to the gesture. You should have heard him, First-Enchanter; “I've been blessed by Andraste herself. This mage in an invaluable caretaker, and I shall have no one else.” I hope I didn't blush too much- honey can occasionally drip off Ephemer's tongue when he truly wants it to.

He refused to tell the knight-commander what exactly happened at the Circle, though. Not that he or I needed the reminder. The knight-commander was quite insistent on knowing and asking- but I'm fairly sure the bare minimum anyone needed to know would be common knowledge by now. I think the knight-commander knows that I also came from the Ferelden Circle and wanted one of us to admit something more damning.

The only 'damning' thing I'll admit to during my time at the Circle was the one day I hid Ephemer's scarf from him. It made a fabulous belt. I'm sure he would concur.

-

“Hey Anora.”

It's our code phrase. Ephemer makes an incredible point to say it in front of the knight-commander whenever I'm in the vicinity. I wonder if he's caught on to it yet. Knight-Commander Sephiroth is one of the more stoic types; it is very difficult to tell just what he's thinking or how much he knows. However, that makes our secret phrase all the more meaningful. At first glance, you would only see it as a greeting. But there are layers to this phrase.

When you peel back the first, you'll find respect. Respect that no other Templar would give a mage, even if one happened to save their life. Peel back another layer and there's fear. Fear of loss, fear that reality is still a nightmare. But it's that last layer, the core layer, where everything is revealed. That layer, First-Enchanter, is love.

Love can not solve everything, but it's a beautiful stepping stone.

-

Knight-Commander Sephiroth decided to make an example out of me recently.

I had arrived early to pick Ephemer up from Templar training and, as per usual, he uttered our code phrase without a second thought. Ephemer -who had been sparing with another Templar- neatly gained the upper hand on his opponent despite the interruption. He impressed the other Templars. He impressed me. But he did not impress the knight-commander.

No, the look of cold, calculated hatred on the knight-commander's face said that somehow, in some way, I had caused a fatal error. I was out of the way, so far as training was concerned, but Knight-Commander Sephiroth called me forward and forced me into the training area. He proceeded to go into a very long, very winded speech about how he had lost his family to an abomination- a mage that also happened to be close to him.

Without any warning, he told one of the Templar recruits to attack me. Then another, and then another. I'd find that you'd be proud of me, First-Enchanter, I didn't harm a single one of them. I used a lot of my magic to redirect or disorient them. At some point, one Templar almost swiped me with his blade- I only happened to cast barrier at the right time before sending the weapon flying through the air. It was at that point Knight-Commander Sephiroth called off the attack.

Ephemer was mortified, but the message had been sent. I wait out of earshot for Ephemer after his trainings now. When we meet again, he apologizes profusely as he were the cause of the knight-commander's bitterness. I hate feeling how silently worried Ephemer is as much as I hate tasting the lyrium on his breath. Something is going to give, First-Enchanter, but I have yet to know if it is solely between us, or with Kirkwall itself.

-

I met a trader from Val Royeaux today. He was very… charming. He even had a little pet with him, with a little hat that looked just like his. He, the merchant, said his name was Brain. What an odd sort of name, really, but he had been so nice that I didn't question it. The thing is, Brain had shown me more kindness in ten minutes than I have received in the past few weeks.

It was no small wonder that I was in a state of shock.

I wonder if he would have treated me differently if he knew I was a mage. I had the oddest feeling that he already knew. Do certain people have a knack for scoping out such things? I will admit to being a bit curious about this merchant; there is something about him that seems so… familiar. I feel as if I'm remembering a person of similar personality from somewhere in my past. Perhaps I'll talk to him again soon.

-

Ephemer and I are no longer together.

I think it has something to do with the knight-commander. He told Ephemer something. Something that got under his skin. He still isn't… right. He takes lyrium to fight lyrium. Sometimes he wakes up from a nightmare and comes into my room just to make sure that I'm there. To make sure that I'm real. The lyrium on his breath becomes stronger by the day. Maybe I'm imagining it, but it reminds me of the Circle; just days before the maleficar rose and sent our little Circle into a disoriented spiral.

Of course, to rub salt in the wound, the knight-commander is not helping in this matter in the slightest. I know Knight-Commander Sephiroth says things about me behind my back. Ephemer will not tell me what exactly; however, I've come to suspect that it has something to do with my frequent talks with Brain. I've told Ephemer nearly everything I disclose with Brain. Everything. But I believe Knight-Commander Sephiroth is making him see it differently. I do not wish ill on the knight-commander, First-Enchanter, but you won't see me weeping if he mysteriously falls down a large flight of steps and breaks a leg.

I also want to make it perfectly clear, First-Enchanter; I did not ask to be removed from Kirkwall. Kirkwall removed me.