#keep noticing how i don't remember like 90% of my life but i'm pretty sure that's normal

[otakween]

Digimon Adventure (Manga) - Vol. 2

Not gonna lie, this has been kinda a boring read. It actually might of been better if I waited awhile to read it and the first Digimon season wasn't so fresh in my mind. Can't help but compare the two and see this as a downgrade. Ah well, least it's short.

Ch. 8

-This jumped from Infinity Mountain and fighting Leomon/Ogremon to the haunted mansion bit so quickly. It's a pretty common issue with these anime adaptations that they just want to hit the major story beats and they don't let the characters breathe. I'm not saying the characters were super well rounded in the show either, but if I didn't have that background knowledge I probably wouldn't be able to tell you a thing about these kids.

-To this day Ogremon's design really bugs me. Just destined to have his mouth hanging open forever...

Ch. 9

-I had conflated the haunted mansion and haunted church episodes in my mind. Very similar plot lines. I think it was more noticeable here because they smooshed them back-to-back.

-Apparently Bakemon can combine to form "Lord Bakemon," but it's not a digivolution, it's just like a technique that requires multiple digimon I guess. (Hey, I wonder if the use that concept in the video games...?)

-Impressed that they didn't try to localize the Buddhist sutras. I thought Bakemon's "that sounds vaguely anti-evil" and Sora's "what if he's not Buddhist?" lines were funny

Ch. 10

-I feel like the art was really good in this chapter for some reason. Maybe the artist is just particularly good at drawing Izzy/Mimi?

-Pretty sure no one in real life has exclaimed "prodigious" ever. (Does it count as 90s slang if it was only used in fiction?)

-Patamon suggests TK sing to the crying baby digimon and he immediately jumps to NSYNC lol (well, it does have the word "baby" in it...). Wonder what he sang in the Chinese version...

Ch. 11

-Huh, they stuffed a lot into this one. We got the Elecmon chapter in Primary Village, but then we got the battle with Leomon which transitioned into the whole digi-destined backstory thing. Again, no info is really lost with this pacing, it just feels rushed.

-Never noticed how frog-like Elecmon is until now, especially with how his eyes are drawn.

-Very confused by Leomon in this chapter. They note that he grew huge, which makes me think that he digivolved (maybe into Panjamon?) but they just keep on calling him Leomon. Digimon have never been shown to canonically grow in size outside of digivolving (except for weight in the video games) so yeah...-shrug-

Ch. 12

-The end of the Devimon arc and the introduction of Angemon. I really wish the kids had a breather between Devimon's defeat and Gennai showing up and telling them about the tags and crests. It really makes for an anti-climax when they're like "Devimon was nothing compared to the next guy!" immediately after the battle.

-Why isn't Angemon resurrected in Primary Village again...? I guess it's different when there's a tamer around.

Ch. 13

-Lol I'm now remembering how lame a plot point the tags were. The crests are all meaningful and allow for great single-character focused episodes, but the tags are just like "oop, found em." Also, I guess they're all the same? Pretty pointless. They honestly coulda found the crests already inside the tags and it wouldn't have made a difference.

Ch. 14

-Okay, so I said that the crests were better than the tags, but Taichi's crest moment is actually also pretty lame. I guess he was ~courageous~ for saving Tokomon, but he does stuff like that every episode and it didn't feel particularly special/memorable.

-I wouldn't go as far to say that Etemon's grown on me, but I don't really hate him anymore. I tolerate him lol. At least he's got more of a personality than most of the other villains.

[xiaojuun]

I'm responding sooo late but I was a bit distracted yesterday lol

It's interesting to hear what different people's processes are haha. I usually watch the mv first and then I listen to the album and usually after that i watch the mv again. and also I think it's easier for me to not watch teasers etc beforehand because of how multi-fandom I am. I can simply pretend that it isn't out yet 😆. Also, I really feel like enha is going to blow it away again. They have not disappointed even once. (I mean, it took a bit of time to get around to blessed-cursed but I still wasn't disappointed when I first heard it. Also I can't hate on dimension: answer when they have polaroid love on it. she's an icon.) but also, listening to manifesto intro made me hyped up for this comeback. (I got such a freight seeing it on my youtube home page when it was first released that I couldn't help but to listen to it, I won't be listening to anything else until album release tho and after the final concept film being released, I also won't be watching anything else either)

phew, it's a relief that it's not permanent, I still hope that it goes away quickly :') it's funny that I was so inspired to make things on Tuesday but then again yesterday I didn't know for which fandom i wanted to make gifs so I ended up just watching that high school musical series thing until I watched multiverse of madness before bed haha

I haven't even heard of that drama (no one is surprised, I'm pretty out of the loop with tv stuff and usually I'm super late to things anyway lol). I'm also bad with tv but my friends got me to watch some stuff last year and now it feels habitual to watch something before bed if I can - or when I need to pull an all nighter I watch riverdale because the things going on in that tv show is sooo weird that it keeps me awake 😂😂

yeah kdramas are really long every episode but I feel like if the kdrama is good enough, you don't even notice the time going by. Also hmmm, I tried to watch love & leashes but I ended up not sticking to it (I also thought it was a drama when I first clicked on it tho lol).

I don't think I've ever watched a web drama... I also haven't watched to my star... I'm not sure I'll be able to get into it because currently my brain is still on business proposal. It happened with crash landing on you as well... When it ended I thought I'd easily get into something else immediately but I just kept missing the characters of CLOY so I couldn't get into anything else 🥴🥴

— seungzie

@jseungz agreed, i love how everyone has their own process for preparing for and enjoying a comeback! i'll agree with you that enhypen has yet to disappoint me, i consistently really enjoy their music and find their concepts to be quite cool and fresh every time. blessed-cursed was actually one of my favorites, i'll say it over and over i LOVE the 90s/00s boy band styling they did for that era and the song itself always gets me hyped. definitely looking forward to hearing what the new track will sound like! i haven't watched or listened to anything, i've just seen the cb scheduler which is giving me the trendy pop punkish vibe so if that's where they're going with it i think i'll be pretty happy haha.

omg i love hsmtmts ... that is one show i do in fact watch haha my mom and my younger sibling and i all watch together when it's airing weekly. i can't remember the last time i pulled an all nighter on purpose 😭 and i used to watch riverdale when it was first out but i heard it got ... so strange haha and i haven't kept up in a very long time.

maybe one day i'll find a drama that i like enough to stick with! i know what you mean about needing some time between things though when you really become invested in the characters / story, i feel like that can happen reading books too. in lieu of watching much television i do watch a ton of kpop groups' like ... series things haha bc as you know multi life means there are plenty of those to keep up with. and when you already know the members and stuff it's easier to jump around and come back to them depending on what you're in the mood for. i've found esp since the pandemic started that i need my entertainment to feel really lighthearted so maybe that's also why dramas don't really call to me 😅 i haven't even watched the new season of stranger things bc those episodes are so long and i feel like it's too intense for what i'm looking for these days, even though i'm a huge fan of the series in general. luckily there's no time limit on finding stuff to watch and enjoy! <3

[jdmainman123]

And we're going to start offering to cut out the eyes of the black skin men who walk around thinking it's appropriate to care for a white skin satellite operator only for the fact he's on his way out and has rendered himself to have the black skin and the last thing in his life

And and it's not needs because the whites can sell it operator told you specifically to get off his dick it's just maybe flattering

But I'm going to put an end to this if it continues when we leave here for these black skin men to walk around caring about wishing they had a white skin son and a satellite operator we're going to have to go to different measures

THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE THEY INTEGRATION AND ANTI-SEEDING CONTINUES TO TALK TO ME and again I can't notice how I've been made sicker so I can't run up to this f****** n***** and punch him in his face and again for all you satellite operators you white skins to have known the 1 lb turd it's completely disturbing to me how it fell into your hands considering you don't control outside you don't control the street lights s*** you barely control your TV from what I heard

Yep he's trying to sabotage the s*** out of out of this for you guys to think I'm insulting you sorry for the TV comment

But we're going to have to go to more drastic measures we're tired of this black skin man finding it funny to walk around saying it can kill white skin boys and for him to have taken a liking onto the white skin satellite operators I saw it out there it was very disturbing the groups of white skin boys in the Black skin Man and for some reason I noticed the black man only there pointing at me AND THEN IT'S VERY DISTURBING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN SO IF IT CONTINUES THIS BLACK SKIN SATELLITE OPERATOR TO LIVE HIS FANTASY AND HIS DREAM WE WILL CALL FOR MORE DRASTIC MEASURES TO REMEMBER CORONAVIRUS THE EXAMPLE WAS SOMEONE HAD TO GET HURT FOR THINGS TO STOP well we're looking at it again because the answer to integration and satellite continues to talk to me and here's the problem it keeps on forcing me to look up at men and when you guys take all the girls off my street and there's 90% black skin men and then 10% white skin men

In both of the men are trying to protect their want to be their imaginary for the first time in the life I got a white skin satellite operator son I'M SURE THE BOYS WILL APPRECIATE IT IN THE REFERENCE GET OFF MY DICK FOR US TO TAKE MORE DRASTIC MEASURES FOR THIS F****** LUNATIC BLACK SKIN BOY THAT CAN STOP CONTINUE FOLLOWING ME AROUND

If only you guys weren't making me sicker to do a handjob favor for this little n***** it wouldn't have been so bad but again the example here I should have been camping out by Walmart but I guess what happened is is they've pretty much aligned my tours from birth until death and anything we talk about the next city is designed specifically to have the strength of of the next you know what I mean like THE KNIFE IN WALMART FIGHT AND THE HILLS IS ANOTHER FIGHT WITH THE INTEGRATION THEN THE TRAIN IS ANOTHER INTEGRATION FIGHT

But it seems like you guys almost designed it for me to be here at this point in timeline so I didn't have $5 for the bus and and for me to have noticed I couldn't have camped out around the Walmart BECAUSE OF THE HOUSES IS ONE OF THE SCARIEST PLACES I'VE EVER SEEN THOSE HOUSES WITH WITH ALL THOSE STORES HALFWAY LIT ON FIRE you know it's really the bugs

Atlanta made a perfect demonstration I was there for a week and then wanted to get me home again once again bleeding to get me home and only to push me out in 30 days AND I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU GUYS INTENTIONS ARE TO COVER UP FOR YOUR BABY KILLING OVER THE AIRPLANE BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK because once I'm hip to it once I'm woke I start fighting against it because

The integration has a massive it makes me really think and it really hurts my feelings like never set him up UNTIL I STARTED ENJOYING KILLING WHITE PEOPLE YOU GUYS NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN one look at that white skin cellulite operator and it all made sense one lineup with those white skin satellite operators and it all made sense why you guys were hiding UGLIER GOLD SUN WAS UGLIER

And for you guys to allow this black skin a team to step in front of you once again because the statement was the white skin satellite operators all thought I would immediately go to them and become friends and follow them home because we were white more importantly they expected me to choose him over the other white skin satellite operator THAT'S RIGHT HE'S CONTINUING TO TALK TO HIM AND HE'S IGNORING ME NOW I THOUGHT I WAS HIS BEST FRIEND I WALKED UP TO HIM FIRST? THINGS THAT REMEMBER I TOLD YOU THE STORY ABOUT MY MOM AND DAD AND MY MOM HAD ALL THE FRIENDS IN HER PHONE AND MY DAD DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A PHONE AS A LITTLE FLIP PHONE I THINK WITH TWO OR THREE FRIENDS NAMES it reminded me of you satellite operators and then again are you guys know me I wouldn't let the woman have this much control I wouldn't let her have that many friends so I'm trying to tell you I would have to have all the friends and more friends for me to feel dominant in the house and not feel like a DAUGHTER OF HERS OR TO HER

So Mississippi's got two more days and then we'll find a new council will find a new venue and if it continues we're going to have to take more drastic measures on this a f****** lonely black skin man walking around just happy for the first time in his life he has a white son and a satellite operator

THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE HE DID IT TO ME AND I UNDERSTAND GET OFF MY DICK GOLDSON CALLS GET OFF MY DICK TO YOU BLACKS AT LEAST 30 DAYS AND SUNRISE EVERY DAY 30 TIMES and I understand what it's what it's like to be suffocated to be wrapped your hands around by a black skin man and because she doesn't have any choices and because he knows my father and my father really doesn't like me a white skin salad operator anymore he's at home playing with my little white skin brother

We will seek more drastic measures since you guys are suicidal you guys are just pussies I'm going to have to stand behind you and push you into a car or push you off the buildings nothing more than the reference of 3/4 was built for these men to come here protesting and to give them time to commit suicide or find someone to kill them outside

So if you need a little push I'm your 1 lb turd to push you

[shu-sakamaki]

(TW : Bullying)

Random and dark headcanons about Shuu Sakamaki

If you are not comfortable with those themes please just scroll, I don't want to make anyone uneasy, it's for fiction and fantasies only, Shuu is in NO WAY meant to be portrayed in real life, he is not a good person and none of his actions are acceptable.

In which you're a bride living in the Sakamaki manor :

- His voice is really low, much lower and raspier than his voice in the anime, it just makes more sense to me because he's always sleepy and horny, sadly he's the one who speaks the less (like, sir, just keep your mouth open and never shut up 👄🔪)

- He's just so disgusted everytime Reiji come near him that he's always scrunching his nose for a split second and then furrows his brows as if he smelled something bad but it's just Reiji (🤣🤣) and four eyes get even more mad.

- If your staring at him for too long he will stare back at you and look at you up and down. Now, there's two type of look, there is the "gtfo of my face, you're burning my eyes" (which is kinda hot in its own way 👉👈) and the "I'm horny as hell, keep staring at me I will mount you, female." And I don't know how, but he notice everything, you can try and  be unnoticeable by looking at him and then looking away but when your looking back at him again, he's staring right at your soul like 👁-👁 (sir pls stop you're scaring me)

- He have bedroom eyes like, 90 % of the times, Shuu always seems to be in his own reality with his closed eyes and earphones, he somehow look zooted (on sleep and sex uhu, anyways letmeshutup)

- He's the king of side-eye, if you bother his slumber he will give you the saltiest, hottest, coldest side-eye, it'll make you tear up. My theory is that he can make people crumble with just a look. (and that's on 💫trauma💫)

- Now that we're on the subject of tears, Shuu loves them (you monster) and try a lot of things mainly out of boredom and just to randomly see you cry because why not. And him being a teaser + dacryphilia is the worst thing you can ask for. Because when the oldest lay his interest on someone, I think that the rest of the brothers kinda back off to  not make him angry (they're not suicidal gud gud) so you're just getting bullied by him and everyone is just watching.

- For example when you walk past him, he'll pinch your thighs and it always hurts so bad and leaves red/purple spots or just grab your wrist and hold it really hard till you cry and beg him to not break it. And sometimes he'll just plainly ignore you which can be worst because it's always leaving you with the impression that something's gonna fall upon you when you least expect it. (Not mister playing as the Fates) And if you try to avoid him, he's going to catch up on it pretty fast and suddenly you're seeing him everywhere and he's not going to limit his torture to the manor, even in school he will find ways to terrorize you. He will say the lewdest, dirtiest things to you like its nothing or will just sneak up on you and touch your butt in the hall. (You need to keep an eye on him like the bogeyman). It's just a game for him, he's bored and you're the perfect prey to toy with.

- Yeah also he doesn't care about consent... just like the rest of his demonic gremlins of brothers, resisting him just makes it more fun for him. But if you are actually getting aggressive like pulling his hair, slapping him or scratching his skin he'll put out his knife (he gon look at you like dis 🔵👄🔵🔪) and will threatens to kill you really slowly. A thing about his knife, is that admin once said that he's carrying it everywhere, so he can just pull it out of idk where and rub it on your skin, threatening silently to slit your throat at any moment. There is always that one kid who like to draw on people's arms with a marker in school, Shuu does the same with his knife, you have little cuts here and there because of him.

- He's manipulative and merciless, you can pour your heart out to him and tell him how something just broke you and he's gonna look at you like "and what does it got to do with me?" or just fall asleep on you. He picks a lot on your insecurities just because he knows where it hurts (he doesn't really think it, he don't care lol) and will talk to you with such a mocking/condescending tone, as if your stupid and its not like you can complain about it.

- Shuu appears at the most random times and just ask you to do things that HE'S supposed to do. And you can either do your thing and he won't care or be bothered that you disobeyed and will punish you. Admin mentioned it often, how one of the scariest thing with Shuu is the unlimited feeling of uncertainty, you really never know. One day he's cool with you and the other he's not.

- Remember when Shuu talked about seduction ? He said that its the difference between him and Laito. Laito thrives off people's fear and disgust of him and he will force himself upon them, and with Laito, you're mainly scared of him. But with Shuu, there is something quite exciting about him being around you and just giving you his attention. (Idk how to explain it, it's the Shuu Effect 🦋) Sometimes you can even feel like you have a choice, when you really don't. He's guilt-tripping you a lot of the time and you don't realize it sometimes and think that it's your decision, but honey...

- When he starts to get use to you, use to you taking care of him and use to your presence that's when the trickiest part comes up. He can either, get bored of you so he'll probably leave you alone giving green signals to his brothers to do whatever they want (or he kills you) or he's falling in love.

- You know that he's falling in love with you when he's more around you to the point when he's the only face that you're seeing and his brothers are just avoiding you like the plague, everyone does, it's like, even humans have a gut feeling that being around you won't bring them good because of the scary demon behind you. (Well if you listen to him it's more of a "You're the one obsessed with me and not the opposite" but yk), he's going to insult you every ten seconds because you looked at an alive being "I'm not looking at you for ten seconds and you're already whoring yourself out ? Pathetic." (But really, it's the poSseSsiViTy), I can also see him as being more touchy in a way but it varies, it don't necessarily mean that Shuu would go tender on you.

- He built a wall around him (like attack on titan type of wall duh, Wall Maria I see you 🙄) to block and repulse any being who wants to be close to him, so when he realizes that he's falling in love with you (and hard because Shuu don't have the concept of limit) he will probably get scared and would try to back off, scare you, being even more brutal because he need to know, need to be sure, how willing you are to be with him. He can't handle a deception and also I feel like he is pretty aware of his mental state and he is deeply scared of losing you and losing himself completely in the same boat.

- When he starts to really care for you, I think that he will start to have nightmares again, especially about Edgar and other stuff involving you because how scared he is. Which bring me to an article that admin about Shuu mastering aftercare, it's 100% logic that he's with you and whispering sweet nothing till he sure that you are safe and asleep with him.

- When his shell starts to crack, it's when he's going to be as his probably most vulnerable state when you can just see how much the paranoia, the possessivity and all the trauma cloud his mind. He will still try to test you for some time and just kinda...still observing like a predator (but with more of a lovesick turn) till he's certain that you will not betray him. And don't take it personally, that's just how he is, everything has been taken away from him, all the happiness, all the color were sucked out of his life, and when there is a real opportunity of getting this happiness back he doesn't play. Literally, Shuu can not handle losing someone important again or he will go full-on Kanato insane. That's why he drown himself in sex and sleep, to not think, that's why he always have sound in his earbuds, to not hear the silence. Its not Shuu's fault that Edgar is dead, it's not his fault if the German shepherd got killed, it's not his fault if his mother didn't took care of his brother, but he'll still take the blame. (Well maybe not for Reiji but you get it.)

Thanks to everyone who manages to read it through and have a good day and remember that you're loved and worthy ❤😌

((I honestly LOVE how you emphasize the canon aspect that Shu has NO LIMITS. Or he LOVES you to the point of obsession, or no deal. That IS Shu... And I'm scared about the person I'm becoming but the ones about how scary he actually is while statically staring at you?... Was hot... O///O ???))

[marshmallow-xphile]

My thoughts on the sexuality of some of my favorite X-files characters.

I posted this in my X-files amino back in June as part of a LGBTQ pride challenge and for some reason I only just thought to post it here as well.

Fox Mulder: openly bisexual

Mulder is so open sexually that I really don't think gender matters all that much to him. He does seem to prefer females but I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if he had a boyfriend or two in the past. I don't think he's flamboyant about his sexuality but I don't think he'd hide it at all either

My evidence:

In the season one episode "Ghost in the Machine" we meet an Mulder's ex-partner, Jerry, and I absolutely feel like there is an ex-lovers vibe to the both of them. They hug upon first seeing each other, Mulder looks incredibly happy to see him, when Mulder says they worked together Jerry corrects him to say they were partners at which point Mulder looks over at Scully as if to see her reaction. Mulder has this real guilty look to him. When Jerry acts a little self conscious Mulder is real quick to jump in and reassure him. They get in each other's personal space. It just really leaves me with the impression that they care deeply for one another and broke up for other reasons, perhaps the different career goals as Mulder tells Scully.

We also have Mulder with Krycek. From the very beginning of Krycek's involvement with the X-files I feel like the writers went out of their way to make a correlation between the change in partnership and a new partner in a relationship. There is a scene in Sleepless where Mulder and Scully are on the phone and Mulder tells Krycek he'll be right there, the rest of the conversation feels reminiscent of two exes chatting about the change brought about by the new relationship. Scully even brings up that it must be nice having a partner who doesn't question his every theory.

There were many scenes in Sleepless, Duane Barry, and Ascension in which Mulder and Krycek were alone but that we never got to see who knows for example what the two of them got to talking about while they were stuck in traffic during the drive to New York in Sleepless. Or how often they hung out between Sleepless and Duane Barry.

During Mulder and Scully's partnership Mulder only called her 'Dana' on a few emotional occasions. He started casually calling Krycek 'Alex' almost immediately.

Let us not forget the infamous speedo scene. While yes it definitely showed more of a Krycek attraction to Mulder than the opposite. It does make one wonder what led him to wear such a revealing bathing suit. How many straight men do you know who wear speedos? My guess is few. How many straight men wear speedos when they can reasonably assume their male partner will show up looking for them? Not many would be guess.

And then there is their relationship after Krycek is revealed to be a traitor. They both tend to act more like scorned lovers than enemies and notice that it's Mulder, not Krycek, who cannot seem to keep his hands off the other. Seriously it's like every time Krycek shows up, Mulder immediately grabs him.

Now here's a couple quotes from Mulder,

Krycek tells Mulder he most be losing it because Krycek beat him with one hand. Mulder's immediate reaction: "isn't that how you like to beat yourself?"

When the little man in Humbug is lined up pretty much exactly with Mulder's crotch he says that Mulder would be surprised how many women find his size alluring. Mulder's immediate reaction: "you'd be surprised how many men do as well"

How many straight guys do you know comfortable enough with their sexuality to make a gay innuendo? I personally cannot think of any.

Dana Scully: bicurious

I believe that Scully is sometimes attracted to women. It definitely is not as blatant as with Mulder and I really don't think she's had any past girlfriends but I definitely think that there is an attraction.

My evidence:

In the episode "Ice" I really felt like there are a few tender moments between her and Felicity Huffman's character especially while they were examining one another for the worms. That examination had a sort of sexual energy to it I thought.

In the episode "kill switch" theres a moment where the Invisagoth asked if she could have her handcuffs removed or if she should type with her tongue. Mulder mentions that she doesn't want a vote there and the look on Scully's face and the way she licks her lips, I definitely get the impression that she would have been perfectly happy to see what Invisagoth could get up to with that tongue.

Some people point to Scully's relationship with Reyes as evidence of her bisexuality, I personally don't see any attraction there on Scully's side but I don't think its outside the realm of possibility.

Monica Reyes: Closeted lesbian

This one's probably a surprise I know there was something between here and Brad as well as a flirtation with Doggett so you would probably think she was Bisexual but honestly was either one of those even remotely convincing? To me they weren't. I believe that Reyes is a lesbian.

I kind of go back and forth on whether she's open about it. Reyes is very spiritual and open so it seems strange that she would be in the closet but maybe she has a reason, fear of it affecting her career in the FBI perhaps? It just seems strange that she keeps pursuing these heterosexual relationships she has no passion for unless she is trying to hide her true passion.

My evidence:

I admit I really have very little evidence but look at the relationship between Reyes and Brad Follmer. It had all the chemistry of two people who got really drunk once and cannot remember sleeping together. I don't for a second believe she was ever in love with Brad nor he in love with her.

Then you've got the same thing between her and Doggett. Yes the writers were obviously trying for a romantic angle with the two of them but to me it never came across as convincing. It seemed more like she thought of him as a good friend and figured she might as well date him, I saw no evidence of love or attraction.

On the other hand look at her and Scully. While I feel like the attraction there was one sided I definitely feel like Reyes was into Scully or Dana as she would call her. Reyes was willing to risk her life for Scully and yes that is her job after all but Reyes seems to take that above and beyond and it's not just Scully herself but also William. Look at how protective Reyes is of William in The Truth and of the sacrifice Scully made in giving him up. She seems to care even more than Mulder on that.

Cigarette-Smoking-Man: Asexual

CSM has probably had sex at some point, he is of course the father of at least three children but I do not think that he was ever in love with any of these women or even attracted to them. I believe they were all just a means to an end.

I believe that CSM's only love was for his cigarettes

Evidence:

There is a little bit of evidence that he might have actually felt something for Teena Mulder but I don't buy it. He freely admits that he felt nothing for Cassandra Spender but he must've been convincing if he got her to marry him and we have seen him fake emotions more than once. He also seemed to show an attraction to Scully in En Ami but that too was just a means to an end. Perhaps he does feel something towards all the women he has impregnated but I wouldn't call it love. I don't see any real attraction there either. My bet is that CSM needed some "help" in order to produce his offspring.

Alex Krycek: Gay

While Krycek did have an obviously sexual relationship with Marita Covarrubias he definitely didn't have any real feelings for her and I don't buy attraction either. No I'd say they were both just trying to use sex to get what they wanted. His anger at finding the Russian boy gone wasn't because he was heartbroken at her betrayal. Merely mad that she'd managed to get the upper hand.

Whether Krycek is open or in the closet I'm not sure, I'm thinking it probably depends on the mission hes on at the time.

Evidence:

Of everyone on this list I'd say Krycek is the one I'm the most sure of. There is no doubt in my mind that Krycek was attracted to, perhaps even in love with, Fox Mulder. From the very beginning there appeared to be a bit of longing in his eyes.

There was the speedo scene wherein Krycek was definitely checking Mulder out. There were several scenes where Krycek could've killed Mulder but chose to help him instead.

As I've seen pointed out before, Krycek's crazy motivational choices don't make any sense at all unless it's all in an effort to be around Mulder more.

Look at his sense of style and his obvious love for lip gloss. I am not saying that straight men cannot love lip gloss and dress themselves in Krycek's fashion but it is uncommon and it was especially so back in the 90s

The infamous kiss in The Red and the Black could certainly be explained away as some kind of Russian custom but it isn't one that I am aware of and he hasn't really shown any other signs of his Russia heritage.

I would say my best evidence of Krycek's sexuality is in Essence and Existence, just look at the look on Krycek's face when Mulder trusts him to protect Scully. Krycek knows what Scully means to Mulder and then look at how seriously Krycek takes the job! I definitely feel like that moment meant a lot to him and he would have protected Scully with his life for Mulder.

There's also the fact that Krycek's unwillingness to kill Mulder lead to his own death.

Of course asking Skinner to shoot Mulder goes against this theory but I do have a couple thoughts on that, the most sensical being that he knew there was no chance Skinner would shoot Mulder and he probably knew there was no chance he would survive anymore. Maybe he made that request in hopes of sparing Mulder any pain he might have otherwise felt at his death (I know it's a bit of a stretch but my other theories require a long explanation of my thoughts on where the series had planned to go next)

The lone gunmen: no one knows....not even them

Three (I don't count Jimmy for this) single adult men who all live together in very cramped quarters and are, at least in Langley's case, perfectly happy to be around each other without thier clothes on certainly makes it seem like there's something between them all but I really don't get a overtly gay impression with any of them, even Langley who as mentioned doesn't like to wear pants and is the only one who hasn't had a love interest. They just have this sort of Vegas-esque thing. "What happens in the bachelor pad/newspaper room stays in the bachelor pad/newspaper room.

I would love to hear other people's thoughts on these and any other X-files characters you think might be somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[derl30]

ALTERED STATES REVIEW TIME!

OK, this tumblr is, today, a vehicle for me to review ALTERED STATES. And you (the one person who stumbled on this review two-hundred years from n- oh who am I kidding, when the aliens from A.I. who show up to thaw out Haley Joel Osment and the teddy bear who was the real hero of that movie find this) should be very excited about this. Because this movie is insane. And highly entertaining.

Yes, the movie poster looks like ass. If I told you this was a movie where William Hurt (not the William Hurt from that awful 90's Lost in Space remake, or the one who slept through an entire performance as Duke Leto in the Syfy miniseries of Dune. This is before the body snatchers got him) took ayahuasca and got in a isolation tank and it blew his mind so hard he started devolving into a neanderthal and creating dimensional portals and he couldn't stop because he was addicted to finding the truth of existence... Well you wouldn't get that from this poster, would you? So let's move on. Shall we?

The film opens in 1967 with William Hurt's character, psychopathologist Edward Jessup, already immersed in a sensory deprivation tank, whilst his colleague and “buddy” Bob Balaban (he's just Bob Balaban in everything I'm not giving you his character's name look it up yourself if it's bugging you so much) oversees.

Now, you may notice I put buddy in quotes. The reason for that is that Jessup is a self-obsessed ass who seemingly has no reason to be around other people unless he can expound to them one of his various monologues. Bob Balaban barely gets a word in edgewise throughout the entire film. Bob Balaban.

See, Jessup loves the sensory deprivation tank experience. Unsurprisingly, as it allows him to be completely alone with himself for hours.

Later, at perhaps the lamest party ever, a bunch of faculty are chilling out and listening to the Doors. Everyone we see is talking about Jessup. Why? Well, much as Jessup is obsessed with himself, everyone else seems to follow suit by being obsessed with him. One young woman, Emily, (Blair Brown) is introduced to him in this very shot below as he arrives at the party:

Notice how is framed in holy light? There is a closeup after, of him framed in blinding glowing light followed up with a zoom in on Emily's face, enraptured with this incredible dynamic man. So much so that the moment he tries to make a goddamn sandwich she starts grabbing his celery (get your mind out of the gutter) and flirting with him. Which for these two that means talking science, immediately. Talking more at each other than with each other. This is often the way with Paddy Chayefsky's scripts.

PAUSE

Paddy Chayefsky is doubtless one of the great American writers for the screen. He wrote Marty, The Hospital and Network (which is a fucking incredible piece of work). He got an Oscar for all three. He also wrote this movie (Altered States, remember? Good lord) and disowned it completely three weeks in to production. His scripts tend to have very intelligent, driven characters at the center, who monologue extensively at each other. These scripts are not attempting to sound naturalistic.

Ken Russell, however, directed the film. He, like Chayefsky, is top notch at what he does (Direct. I said he directed the film like a second ago, come on keep up). His films, like Women in Love, The Devils, (which was banned in several major countries upon release and has never been shown publicly in its full, uncut form (by the way it's a masterpiece)) the Who's Tommy, Gothic, and Lair of the White Worm are all fucking gonzo nuts. I mean like, when you gave this guy the reins, you were going to Overthetopsville and there will be no stops on this trip. And god bless! I love directors who GO for it!

You're getting the chance to make a movie. Stop hemming and hawing and hit me over the head with what you want to say! Film is a visual medium, USE IT!

I feel I might have made my feelings clear here. So, moving on...

Ken Russell and Paddy Chayefsky immediately started butting heads, right from the start. Chayefsky was a BIG deal, and he wanted control over the picture in a BIG way. Ken would listen to his suggestions on everything to lighting and set dressing, and politely tell him, “No.”, and continue being the director of the film. Chayefsky hated him pretty quickly.

He had much more control over films like The Hospital. Which, if you watch The Hospital, well, it shows. You've got great actors (George C. Scott, Dame Diana Rigg (Dame may be the greatest official title of all time)) saying great dialogue. But its just two very witty bitter people sort of expounding on topics and speaking at each other and suddenly admitting they are in love and discussing what drapes they will have to buy for their new home. It's utterly preposterous, and it doesn't work in the way Sidney Lumet got it to work in Network, by literally making one of the lead characters realize his life is turning into a ludicrous soap opera.

So of course Ken tried to humanize, naturalize, the dialogue sequences. And it works! The film feels more human than the Hospital or Network. Despite the fact that Jessup is literally becoming more and more inhuman throughout the film. One of the ways he does this is by having the character's eat, drink, and work on other things during the dialogue sequences. This is perfectly normal in film, it's called giving the actor “business” to do, during the scene. Chayefsky HATED this. “They are mumbling my precious dialogue! Chewing through it! Sucking it through a straw!” Sorry, Chayefsky buddy. It works for the picture. Chayefsky also felt the actors were too emotional with his dialogue. Right. See, they call that acting.

UNPAUSE

Which brings us back to the first meeting of Emily and Jessup at the party. They are eating during this important scene! I can just picture Chayefsky seeing this, and running to the studio brass to tattle and get Ken Russell fired (as he got Arthur Penn of Bonnie and Clyde fame fired before Ken Russell came on board).

Emily and Jessup are, true to Chayefsky form, extremely intelligent, driven people and hearing them discuss topics such as anthropology and schizophrenia is quite interesting. It's just that what is to come, film being a visual medium, will eclipse just about any dialogue, no matter how good, from our mind thingys.

The two give up on the science talk and go straight to banging on her couch. After, she asks what he was thinking about. His answer is priceless. “God. Jesus. Crucifixions.”

She smiles.

Bwahahaha! Oh Paddy Chayefsky, you sure know women.

He admits he used to have religious visions. She listens to him from the sweaty couch whilst he sits naked on the floor, and starts going on about his father's horrible death of cancer and his loss of faith. And he admits to her that he's a nut. Her response is to call him a fascinating bastard. I think Lucas may have taken notes for Padme and Anakin.

So naturally, they get married immediately.

But none of that matters because Jessup gets back in the sensory deprivation tank and has his first vision. A nightmare of his dying father and lost faith in christianity. It's pretty great, filled with foreboding hospital rooms, his father's face being covered in a burning Shroud of Turin, everything covered by horrible blood red clouds and then THIS FUCKING THING SHOWS UP AND ITS ALIVE AND WRIGGLING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

excuse me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The many-eyed goat is slaughtered over a gold bible and suddenly Jessups screwing Emily again and we enter a blood vessel looking thing and the vision ends and he never mentions this again. Oh. Okay,

Emily continues on about what a nut Jessup is as they make marriage plans. Her monologue:

“You're an unmitigated madman. You don't have to tell me how weird you are. I know how weird you are. I'm the girl in your bed the past two months. Even sex is a mystical experience for you. You carry on like a flagellant... Which can be very nice, but I sometimes wonder if it's me that's being made love to. I feel like I'm being harpooned by some raging monk in the act of receiving God. (Emphasis mine)

"And you are a Faust-freak Eddie! You'd sell your soul to find the great truth. Well, human life doesn't have great truths. We're born in doubt. We spend our lives persuading ourselves we're alive. And one way we do that is we love each other, like I love you. I can't imagine living without you. So let's get married, and if it turns out to be a disaster, it'll be a disaster.”

It's a disaster.

As in, by the next scene. It starts off happy enough looking, they have kids and people are smiling. And hey, wow it's seven years later! But, well, see, whoops, they are getting a divorce. Well, not they. See, he is divorcing her because he considers the seven years with her a complete waste.

She still loves him, desperately. He doesn't give a shit about her or the kids. He tells Bob Balaban this, straight up. And then starts bugging him about deprivation tanks and Hinchi Indians in South America who have sacred mushrooms that can really fuck you up.

It's at this point you would like for Jessup to be hit by a Mack truck. But the movie continues on. By the way, this is one of the kids he doesn't give a crap about:

That's right. Drew Barrymore's first role is a kid that William Hurt doesn't give a shit about. Something that William Hurt would make a career out of with narcoleptic performances in Lost in Space and Syfy's Dune. So, Emily takes the kids to Africa for her anthropology work while Jessup goes to South America to go deeper into his own creepy mind.

The Hinchi Indians agree to allow him to participate in the drug ritual. They enter their holy cave.

This shot is beautiful. At this point the film becomes increasingly gorgeous. Ken Russell has started to go into overdrive, ladies and gentlemen. Buckle. Your. Seatbelts.

The Indians grab Jessup's hand and cut him, freaking him out. They pour his blood into the drug mixture. They begin to drink. Then he takes a sip. The intensity of the film here has quadrupled. The vision begins, fireworks going off all around him. He sees cave paintings of humans and komodo dragons and this:

The proper life he left behind with Emily. He's convulsing, sweating. The Indians are all around, masked. Snakes. He's laughing in pain. Energy spills from the void. A snake under the parasol strikes and begins to strangle him. He and Emily march toward a nuclear explosion as energy pours from the cut on his hand, becoming a lizard. From within a sandstorm, Emily watches him, naked. Jessup looks at her, entranced, as the soothing sands cover them both, slowly.

It's a beautiful sequence. A perfect film sequence. I can't overstate how strong the vision sequences are from this point forward. Great visual effects work and the madman mind of Ken Russell create something unforgettable, with it's own pace, independent from the rest of the film.

Jessup awakens with a komodo dragon laying before him, ripped to pieces. The Indians and the others all claim he killed it in rage. Jessup remembers nothing, takes samples of the drug to reproduce it, and goes back home.

Back home, Jessup keeps doing as much of the drug as he can and having Bob Balaban record results. They can't up the dosage any more so Jessup hops back in to the self deprivation tank to create a more extreme experience.

In his next session, Jessup states he is having a vision of early man, hunting a deer and killing it. Suddenly he states he is one of them, killing the deer. He begins to grunt like an animal. The two pull him out. He's incredibly pale, blood seeping out of his mouth. He can't speak, and has difficulty breathing. He insists they do an X-ray. It shows that there is a vocalizing lump in the front part of his throat. Jessup claims that his body had begun to revert to a simian state. The medical doctor agrees, stating the throat X-rays looks like that of a gorilla.

Luckily his throat returns to normal. So Jessup finishes up his day by having over a student of his and sleeping with her.

Our hero, people!

At this point we hardly feel sorry for him as his body suddenly begins to twist and bulge in the middle of the night, shifting in and out of neanderthal shapes. It's a horrific sequence, disturbing as hell. You certainly didn't expect the film to shift into body horror.

Jessup feels normal after a while. but sees visions of lava explosions, the birthing of the Earth all around him. Not a good sign.

He goes to pick up Emily from the airport the next day. She asks how he is doing.

“Oh, fine.”

Yeah right.

Emily has been told what Jessup has been doing and is worried, which of course pisses off Jessup even more. The guy is obviously obsessed with reaching the truth and root of existence, much as Emily surmised earlier, and we see he has no fear of even losing his own soul, again true to her word. The only thing that allows us to give a shit about him at this point is that Emily cares for him and she's decent people, okay?

So back Jessup goes into the tank with his ayahuasca or whatever it is. Alone. The tank door opens from the inside.

The hand that pushes it open is covered in thick hair. He's devolved.

Ape-Jessup escapes the tank room and chases a janitor around the building. Again, this scene is fucking freaky as hell. We can't get a good look at this screaming animal that was Jessup.

The janitor gets a guard to help and chases after him into the boiler room, where we finally get a good look at him when he assaults the security guard and escapes.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ape-Jessup runs through the city at night, making his way to the zoo where he kills a antelope and eats it. The Ape-Jessup sequence goes on way too long, but is nonetheless unforgettable. The makeup is much more convincing than the above picture suggests, and whoever performed Ape-Jessup did an admirable job.

The cops find an unconscious Jessup in the zoo and bring him in. Emily picks him up and questions him. Jessup admits everything that he can remember. He also admits that he probably killed that security guard. And once again doesn't seem to give a shit. Prick. He calls it the most supremely satisfying time of his life.

Even Emily seems disgusted with him. But, she's also fascinated with what he's accomplished. As an anthropologist, his transformation fascinates her. And so, she agrees to help oversee his next session. Big mistake.

Before the big session Emily and Jessup romantically reconnect, and then into the climactic session we go!

Get your popcorn ready!

After a few hours in to the session, the video monitor shows Jessup begin to literally melt apart like goo, reverting to primordial ooze, the very beginning of existence. An attempt to open the isolation tank doors blasts everyone unconscious, as light and energy pour forth. Emily is the only one left. She sees Jessup's life energy pulse from within the tank.

Rain pours down around them. The pipes on the walls twist and turn like jelly. The ground is covered with a pool of swirling fog and energy. Emily advances toward the vortex of the tank.

In the emptiness of the beginning of everything, Emily seizes the energy before her and reconstitutes Jessup.

They take him home. While he sleeps, Emily rages over the fact that she loves such a insane bastard, and can't get over him. And, then, after Bob Balaban leaves, leaving Emily alone, Jessup wakes up.

He sweetly admits that the truth he learned was that there was no learnable truth, just unknowable horror, and all that's real is human experience. And he'll be a good boy from now on. Well too bad!

Because that horrible truth isn't done with him, and it's back to goo-Jessup! Emily tries to help him, grabbing him, but this in turn effects her, turning her into a shimmering lava form of herself. Both of them begin to self-destruct as Jessup, enraged, watching her in pain, struggles to retake his humanity, slamming himself into the wall, reforming himself through sheer will and physicality. He grabs her and brings her back, mirroring what she did for him during the final session. They embrace naked in the hallway. He finally admits, “I love you, Emily.”

Fade to credits.

Awww true love!

What can I say to sum up? Awesome 80's practical effects. Genius wacko go-for-it Ken Russell directing. Out of this world vision sequences. A awake and actually remarkable performance from William Hurt. An occasionally turgid but often fascinating script by the ever ornery Paddy Chayefsky. Whats not to like?

Well, the ending is a little rushed. The ape sequence goes on for a little too long and takes up perhaps too much of the films overall running time. The central love story is, well... a little hard to swallow, but hey, I guess there really is somebody out there for everyone. Even self-absorbed, deadbeat, cheating, sensory deprivation loving, ayahuasca dropping, Harvard teachers with a messiah complex!

And on that note, aliens from A.I. Artifical Intelligence, have a good day, and don't leave poor Teddy alone with no one to keep him company!

Sayonara!

[ma-gic-gay]

Leaving a former assassin turned mob boss alone with his thoughts and anger about his... Whatever him and Carly are, since that seems to change every ten minutes going through what she went through, is a stupid idea. Especially for two hours.

It's either that or confront the fact they've kissed and had sex in the same 24 hours.

Not exactly the most friendly things to do.

This is exactly what he's not supposed to be thinking about, yet it's what he's thinking about while he's sitting in a chair at the hospital.

Turns out that when he's not doing illegal things, he can actually have time to think and not freak out about the cops finding out what happened. Time to think about them and how he doubts they'll ever go back to normal. A one night stand is one thing, a kiss after you get kidnapped and raped is a completely other thing.

Go figure, the one person who he could willingly discuss this with is the same person who he can't right now.

Maybe talking about this with Sam would work?

Nope, scratch that. Even though she's moved on from their relationship, they're not that close of friends and really only hang out for their kids sake.

If this was a year ago, he'd say he should go to Sonny, since he can't go to Carly about it. But then again, if it was a year ago or if Sonny hadn't vanished, been presumed dead long enough for even Carly to believe it (which meant he, by extension, believed it finally as well), last night never would've happened. Not in a million-

Alright maybe it would've happened but he doubts it. After all, a year ago, he was with Sam and Carly was with Sonny.

Does this count as a betrayal, sleeping with her? Not like conceiving a child on his biological brother's grave with the woman who's the reason he's dead. Or knowing that your best friend is in love with someone but sleeping with her anyways out of horniness.

Maybe he's still a little bit mad about those things.

Or a lot bit mad.

Thinking of all the times Sonny's betrayed him is definitely not helping the fact that anger is just about the only emotion he's feeling right now. Notably, that comes with the exception of confused and that one's only because he's seriously confused about what the hell him and Carly are right now.

Just thinking about what she must be going through right now... It makes him so furious he could take someone out for even mentioning the word. Or something negative even in the slightest bit about her.

That last part might be a telltale sign he needs to do an evaluation of his feelings for her but after this. Probably should right now, but he doesn't want to.

Even the mention of what happened to her, which is spreading through the hospital like wildfire (whoever spread that information first is on his shit list and that is not a good place to be), makes his blood boil.

Cyrus did that to her, he decided to treat her like an object. Like she's some disposable thing, that after he had his fun with her she'll be killed to hurt his business competitor. And the fact that he'd managed to scare her, that he'd managed to do something so difficult he thought it would never happen again unless something happened to one of her kids or him. That part makes him want his head on a stick outside his front door.

And the only reason he did it is to hurt Jason, to make him feel hopeless and in despair and angry and hurt. The only reason she went through that is because of him. That's the worst part, for him, that he's responsible for her going through that, that it's his fault. Even though he knows that's not how it went down, that he's not responsible for Cyrus's actions or her kidnapping and rape, that's sure as hell what it feels like. It feels like everything's getting blurry, like the lines he had drawn in his life are bleeding into each other.

Keep her safe, that was always his number one rule. Even if it meant getting hurt himself (which it normally did), keeping her safe has always been his priority. It's why he tries, unsuccessfully, to shelter her from the mob.

When she needed him, really needed him, he couldn't do that for her. He wasn't there when she needed him the most, when she needed him to save her and get her out of that situation.

No matter how you frame it, what he's doing is beating himself up for something that he knows to be his fault. Maybe if he'd been there, sent someone else to deal with Florence and stayed at the house with her, he wouldn't be dealing with this right now. Maybe then, she wouldn't have been kidnapped and raped.

"Jason?" Britt asks him, noticing he's zoned out. "She's fine. Carly's not pregnant and we gave her a pill just in case to prevent against it. She doesn't have HIV or any other STD's, I ran a full test. As far as I can tell, her uterine health is great right now."

"Thanks, for the update," he thanks her, remembering where he is. "Can I, uh, can I go see her?"

"Yeah, the sedative wore off and she's been complaining and crying for a few minutes. She's in room 3115," she tells him, noting the relief and pain on his face. "You doing okay?"

"What matters right now is whether Carly's okay or not." Jason answers her quickly and his feet take him to the room she's in, somehow. He doesn't even know this hospital that well.

That's new.

"I woke up a few minutes ago and they told me they were looking for you, where were you?" Carly asks, aggravated.

"I was in the lobby," he tells her, wiping away her tears as they come. There's a look of relief on her face through everything, which doesn't surprise him in the slightest.

"Why didn't they let you in before the sedative wore off? I thought I'd been taken again, I was yelling for you," the blonde complains.

"Apparently I'm a hard guy to find."

"You have seven black shirts, seven pairs of blue jeans which you haven't replaced since the 90s, and a leather jacket. That's pretty much all you ever wear. I can't remember the last time you wore a suit. Or a shirt with any color in it at all. How hard could it be to find you?"

"You're just saying that because you always know where I am. It's a sixth sense of yours."

"True. Maybe it's time to spice up your wardrobe with some colorful shirts. We could start with blue and then ease into colors like yellow or white eventually," she suggests cheerfully.

"Carly," he warns. "I like my clothes."

"I know you do, but you need more variety in your life, Jason," Carly argues.

"You keep life interesting enough, trust me," he assures her. "I'm sorry for what happened to you tonight, you know that, right? It's my fault, if I'd gotten there sooner or I hadn't left you alone, this never would've happened."

"No, it's not. Cyrus would've gotten me another way, or he might've gone and snatched one of your kids. Danny, Scout, Jake, they don't deserve that. Neither did I, but if that happened to one of your kids? You wouldn't be able to live with yourself and he could've killed them easier. At least with me, I'm alive. Severely traumatized, but alive," Carly says, hugging him gently as to not hurt herself.

"Yeah but if I'd been there to protect you-"

"Then he would've gotten to you another way or waited until you went to sleep or went back to your dull apartment where the only piece of decor is a moss bowl. I'm a target, alright? We've known this for years, and what happened to me is not your fault. It's as much my fault as it is yours. No one deserves what he did to me, not even that dirt bag himself, and you cannot blame yourself."

"He did this to you as a way to hurt me!"

"And if Sonny were still around it would've been as a way to hurt Sonny. He hates me, alright? Cyrus hates me so much he wanted to hurt me, just as bad as he wanted to hurt you. It's not your fault that he's a monster." She attempts to help him see that it's not his fault, but he doesn't.

"The only reason you know about this business is me. Practically every bad thing you've gone through, Carly, is because of me by extension," he tells her, feeling a tear slip out of his eyes.

"You didn't force me to be a part of the business, Jason. Hell, it was your worst nightmare. I made that choice for myself, to marry Sonny and, when he died, helping you run his territory. I knew the risks and I did it for me, for you, for my family."

"For me?" Jason asks, confused. "How do I factor in?"

"How do you factor in? You're my family and you needed help. Of course I was going to help you! Even when you tried to talk me out of it," the blonde continues, smiling widely.

"That help could've come with Max or Milo or someone else."

"And there's a reason it came in the shape of me. You trust me more than them, even with this business," she smiles.

To be continued when school ends because FUCK IT'S BACK NO

@ryleighjosephine

[horanclouds18]

Weekend - Liam Payne Analysis

I spent all night yesterday analysing Weekend because Liam mentioned it being a memorable song to him because he was vulnerable while talking about what he wanted to say in this song. He mentioned this in his last Instagram live:

So I decided to dig a little. I still don't get all the lyrics but I'll do my best. I'm sure someone else has already done this but I wanted to do it so bare with me.

“I said it wrong, but I meant it right

But you're the only one who would know

Yeah, so I'm faded, right, but I was the one

I almost lost my nerve for less than I deserve, yeah

I got it wrong, but I made it right

You know I made it right

We said it's done, but it's not done”

So the first verse, he's talking to someone “I said it wrong, but I meant it right, but you're the only one who would know” he's clearly close to this person because they are the only one who know what's wrong about him and he meant to say it. My theory is that “I said it wrong” is because he is drunk/high and he can't talk coherently but he means what he is saying.

So he is “faded” which according to urban dictionary:

Word used on the west coast for being high/stoned/blazed.

I'm pretty sure he is talking about being high because in an interview he said this: (x)

And in a podcast where he talked about mental health (here) he said the solution he put to his problems a lot of times was to drink alcohol. His textual words “I was drunk %90 of the time”.

“I almost lost my nerve for less than I deserve” it's self explanatory I think. He lost it with this problem he had. And then “I got it wrong but I made it right you know I made it right, we said it's done but it's not done” he had a problem but he “solved” it. I think he means he solved it by drinking and “we said it's done but it's not done” means he is always saying he'll stop drinking, he'll stop solving his problems this way, but it's never the last time.

“I come alive on the weekend

I might die on the weekend (might die, might die, might die)

Another line for my demons

I might die on the weekend (might die)

I talk low, but I mean it

I say, "Keep up, " she can't leave it

I come alive on the weekend

I might die on the weekend”

He “comes alive on the weekend” that means partying and then “might die on the weekend” because he drinks too much and doesn't feel so great. “Another line for my demons” I struggled to get this one at first, is he talking to his demons? But then following the same narrative, I went to urban dictionary to search the meaning of line and I was unpleasantly right about it: (x)

A 'line' (for lack of better word) of any powdered drug that is snorted, often through a rolled up 100 dollar bill.

So he wants to stop the voices in his head and for that he does drugs.

(This is so hard to write my baby Liam being so unwell and us not even knowing about it and also I didn't really see the meaning of this song as this until he pointed it out to me and I feel like I let him down)

“I talk low but I mean it” I think this is the reference to “we are the quiet ones” Liam always says to refer to him and Zayn. (Here)

Or just simply that he is high and he is mumbling about his problems. These lines are up to interpretation I guess.

“I say keep up she can't leave it” again we can simply think he is talking about keeping up with his drinking and she can't follow him. If we think in ziam terms Liam telling us to keep up is to please continue analysing and keeping up with what is happening to them at the moment. And so “she can't leave it” the “she” is us and we can't just stop not keeping up with him, you know?

I don't know if the ziam interpretation is thinking about it too much or not, you tell me about this, what do you think? Am I giving it too much thought thinking about ziam here?

“How did we end up here like this (Yeah)

I see the midnight on your lips

Every time you come around

And if there's nothing more than this (Nothing more than this)

That's okay, but one more time before you're gone

You said it's done, but it's not done”

“how did we end up here like this” how did we end up in this mess, problem wise and drunk wise too. Notice he uses ‘we’ and in the podcast about mental health I mentioned earlier he talked about struggling while he was in the band. So ‘we’ could be the band but the next lines I think suggest otherwise because “I see the midnight on your lips” is only ONE more person so in my opinion “we” is two people.

I struggled to understand the meaning behind “I see the midnight on your lips” a lot. First, I thought about it literally, does it mean midnight=partying=alcohol ? But I thought this was impossible because further in the song he tells this person “only you can stop the hurt”.

So what is it?

I thought that it had to have a double meaning of sorts. It had to be a metaphor. So I searched “The midnight” on google and the first search was a band called The Midnight, so I thought this might be the right place. (You can search it up for yourself). So I started analysing the lyrics of some of their songs (all which were released BEFORE LP1) and I found some interesting songs:

River Of Darkness

Glowing windows in the buildings from the elevated train

I see a thousand different stories pass

And faces without names

I forget why I came here

And forget why I stay

And wonder if they'd notice

If I slipped away

What if I kept going

What if I don't get off tonight

What if I ride this to the edges

Through the darkness to the light

Could I find you there?

Could I find you there?

If I slipped away?

What if there's no answer

We're all just hearts that have to fight

Through the dangers of the rapids

Through the darkness to the light

Could I find you there?

Could I find you there?

If I slipped away

Looking at the lyrics at first glance I noticed:

Reference to Through The Dark: “through the darkness to the light”

“A thousand different stories and faces without names” I remember Liam saying in the mental health podcast (please go and listen to it if you haven't) that he used to play different parts of himself in front of different people that weren't necessarily him and that in addition, he hid other parts of himself. Also he mentioned how the media portrays him isn't always true. And well this sentence really speaks that to me.

“I forget why I came here I forget why I stay”: it's like a parallel to “how did we end up here like this”.

“What if I kept going” again do I continue being someone I'm not? Do I continue with this stunt? Or do I stop this once and for all? If we think about ziam it makes perfect sense. They are playing parts, media portraying them as this person they are not (think about the bad boy image they put on Zayn) and the stunts (zerrie, sophiam...)

Let's look at another one:

Los Angeles

One, two, three, four

Fire on the beach

Face to the sky

The stars dance around like Gods in the skies

The gold silhoutte

You take off your clothes

And my heart feels the weight of all I don't know

Memories and mountain tops

Drunk on sunset boulevard

With the city of angels singing on

Maybe this is just a dream

And maybe we are still asleep

But I, I will miss you when I'm gone

Flickers of the canyon fire

It's hands raised like a gospel choir

If we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Helicopters against moonlight

Our holy mother of the midnight

And if we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Tomorrow we'll go

Back to our lives

With sand in our skin and sun in our eyes

But I know the truth

I've seen the signs

And I've seen the golden Gods in disguise

Memories and mountain tops

Drunk on sunset boulevard

With the city of angels singing on

Maybe this is just a dream

And maybe we are still asleep

But I, I will miss you when I'm gone

Flickers of the canyon fire

It's hands raised like a gospel choir

If we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Helicopters against moonlight

Our holy mother of the midnight

And if we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Flickers of the canyon fire

It's hands raised like a gospel choir

If we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Helicopters against moonlight

Our holy mother of the midnight

And if we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Flickers of the canyon fire

It's hands raised like a gospel choir

If we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Helicopters against moonlight

Our holy mother of the midnight

And if we live forever, let us live forever tonight

Things to notice at first glance:

Reference to live forever

Right after the reference to live forever there's a reference to Tonight

Mention of “the midnight”

“The stars dance around like Gods in the skies” this reminded me of You & I “not even the Gods above can separate the two of us” which we all know it's a really special song for ziam. (x)

It's a beautiful love song

This song made me compare the songs Live Forever/Weekend/Tonight and I think there might be some parallels in those songs! But I'll leave that for another post.

There are other songs like “Sunsets” that says “I just feel like I've been stuck here my whole life” and “we could run away just leave never look back I don't care where we go just far away from here” or there is also a song called “Lost Boy” that talks about “I was a lost boy when I met you” and “we were rebels, lone survivors” and did I say there's a reference to fool's gold?

These were just so many coincidences it couldn't just be coincidences right? And then I found a song called “Memories” and it clicked. The band is “The Midnight” and the song was “Memories” looks like a joke right? Another reference to One Direction.

Remember that there was a reference to Through the Dark, a song which Liam co wrote with Louis and we all know the meaning behind this song. There's also You & I in there which is VERY special to ziam. And let's not forget about the song “Alive” which Liam said it was HIS song in the LP Show and that it basically resonates with him. This song could have a queer interpretation (following the ziam narrative) so go and look at the lyrics and think about that: “my mother told me I should go and get some therapy” and “hey it's alright if it makes you feel alive” and “we gotta live before we get older, do what we like we got nothing to prove”. So it was coincidence after coincidence and thought I was in the right place. Remember “I come ALIVE on the weekend”.

So in short “The midnight on your lips” is a bittersweet reference to all that encompasses the life in One Direction and his relationship with Zayn.

And right behind the midnight lyric we have ANOTHER reference to One Direction with “if there's nothing more than this” which the song “more than this” starts with “I'm broken do you hear me?” and this is basically what Weekend is about. Also, Liam sings that part.

“Everybody's got their own vice

Do you think about me when you're alone?

It kinda got to me last night after everyone was gone

If there's one thing that I've learned:

Only you can stop the hurt

Yeah, it's 'bout time that I realize it's a lost fight

I said it's done, but it's not done

No, no, I said it's done, but it's not done

Yeah, yeah, I said it's done, but it's never done”

So this verse made a lot more sense after searching the meaning behind “the midnight on your lips”. So Liam is thinking about this person after everyone is gone (and the party has died down) and he wonders if he (Zayn) is thinking about him too. Why did I think of Zayn here? Because of the parallels I found in Tonight with this song. I will analyse it better in another post but there's this lyric in Tonight: “No matter where you are or where you'll be, when you're feeling yourself, I know you are thinking of me”

When I noticed this I was like:

This is huge because “when you are feeling yourself” could mean something like “after you sober up” or in this case “when everyone was gone” referencing to the party being over.

Only you can stop the hurt Zayn and it's a lost fight to keep solving problems with alcohol and drugs.

Now let me go and cry peacefully in a corner.

[screamingintosilence]

You Were the Greatest Thing (That Ever Happened to Me)

Songfic Writing Challenge Day 10

Terrible Things - Mayday Parade

Warning: Major Character Death

Jughead Jones watched in amusement from across the yard as his 16 year old son brushed a hand through his own dark locks, looking nervous and slightly sweaty as he stuttered over his words while talking to the beautiful red headed 15 year old daughter of Archie Andrews and Veronica Lodge.

To his chagrin, Betty had put her foot down during pregnancy and that's how their sweet, beautiful baby boy ended up being named Forsythe Pendelton Jones the Fourth. FP had laughed heartily when they told him, he knew it was definitely Betty's choice. But when their little guy came into the world, screaming, pink, and a head full of downy black hair, Betty had looked at him with a smile that said, “See? He's your son and I was right.”

And she was right, she was always right. The only concession she gave him when it came to their child's name was letting him pick out a nickname because “Betts, if that's going to be his name, we’re not actually calling him that.” And that is how Cooper Jones the Fourth made his entrance into their lives.

He watched as his son turned and ran towards him, smile splitting across his face and all Jughead could think was his much he looked like Betty in that moment. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks, they all came from his wife.

“Hey Dad!” Cooper was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Son,” Jughead smirked at the boy while raising the glass of sweet tea to his lips.

“Can I borrow your truck? I finally did it! I asked Jules to the movies and she said yes!” Both Joneses looked over to where the redhead girl was excitedly talking to her mother, the look on Cooper’s face one of adoration. Jughead smiled, it reminded him of how he must have looked when he first fell in love with Betty.

“Don’t stay out too late. You behave tonight, ok? And you treat her right Bud, got it?” The ring of keys rested on the older man's finger, waiting for his son to take it.

“He always does, Mr. Jones!” the young Juliet Andrews cut in, skipping over to them, not realizing how her words made Jughead's heart stutter and stop for a few moments before picking up again.

“Always! Thanks Dad!” Cooper grabbed the keys before interlocking his fingers with the petite girl next to him, both getting lost in each other as they walked to the front of the house where he had parked when they came over to the Andrews’. Neither teen noticing how tears brimmed in Jughead's eyes.

He felt a slim arm loop itself through his own at the same time as a heavy, familiar hand came to rest and squeeze his shoulder.

“B and I used to joke about this happening,” he heard Veronica softly say next to him as she too squeezed his arm, resting her head on his other shoulder. “We would talk about just how long it would take them, like how long it took for you two.”

The tears started to slowly fall. “He must take after me,” he let out a watery laugh. “I'm pretty sure he's been in love with her since I told him what love was. Probably took until reading his mom's words from when we were his age about how she wished I would just make a move for him to pluck up his own courage.”

The pressure from the hand his redhead best friend increased. “You were the very best thing to happen to her, Jug. Believe it. She glued us all together, figuring out in her Betty way just how this crazy jigsaw fit together.” He nodded, sniffling to keep from sobbing.

“She did,” he swiped at his eyes. “It's been nearly eleven years, but it still feels like yesterday, ya know?” He could see tears rimming Archie's eyes as Veronica let hers stream down her cheeks as they both nodded.

“Let's get you home, Jug,” Archie's arm wrapped securely around his friend’s shoulders as Veronica's hand dropped to his, holding it firmly. He might have always been friends with Archie, but it was Betty's doing that they had stuck together through even the toughest of times; and it was Betty who had brought the whirlwind that was Veronica Lodge into his life, even if it was begrudgingly at first.

--

It had been hours since the Andrewses had seen him safely home. He had pulled some of Betty's old journals from her last few days to read, a habit of his from the past ten years.

His was reading over her passage from the day she had told him the news, his heart breaking over every sentence.

I told Juggie the news today, it didn't go well. I had gotten the call this morning from the doctor that my results came in. It was devastating. Juggie and Cooper were out having a boys day with FP and I just didn't have the heart to interrupt to have him come with me.

Crying in the middle of a doctor's office without my husband definitely makes it on my top 5 most embarrassing moments... But I won't have many of those moments left to make, I guess.

I've been in tears all day, but there's nothing to be done about it. I was told that I can still give it a shot to fight this, but the cancer was progressing so rapidly that my chances are very slim. The oncologist said that my counts have jumped exponentially and that I'm already Stage 4. Stage 4 cancer at 33….

Cooper is only 5, what will Juggie do? He's the most amazing dad, I know he'll be ok, but God, I'm far from it. There won't be chances to see him grow from my tiny little squirt to being as tall as Jug. There won't be any Homecoming, Formal, or Prom pictures of me pinching his cheeks. I won't get to meet the person he'll fall irrevocably in love with and I won't get to tell him that that's how it was with his father.

I know Jug will do all of these things, and he'll be wonderful and amazing and everything or baby boy needs. It's just so hard to come to terms with one’s own demise.

And Jug, God, Jug. We won't have our 90 years together like we joke about. I don't know if we'll even have 1. God what I would give for the assurance of just one more year together.

I love him more than all the stars in all the galaxies. He was everything I ever needed, always there for me from the beginning. God, I don't know if he even knows how much I love him, how much he means to me.

I-

The front door opened as Jughead hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks and dabbed at the page of Betty's diary gently, careful to try and not smudge it even more from where his past years and even hers had fallen.

His 16 year old son, his and Betty's pride and joy, waltzed in with a look of having his head in the clouds. Jughead smiled, though some rouge tears still fell free.

“You guys have a good time?” His question came out a little choked, causing Cooper to come to, taking in the scene of his father on the couch, nose and eyes red, with his mother's journals in front of him.

“Yeah, the movie was good. Jules was just…” His eyes got a little dreamy at the mention of his best friend, now potentially girlfriend. “You ok, Dad?”

“Yeah, just…” Jughead trailed off.

Cooper sat next to him wrapping an arm around his shoulders, shoulders that used to carry his son on them for hours, but now felt like they carried the world, especially in moments like this. “Just missing Mom?”

Jughead tried swallowing past the lump in his throat, wiped his hands over his face, and nodded. “Yeah. She would have been so proud of you, Cooper. You were her baby boy, and now you're all grown up.”

Tears filled the young man's emerald green orbs (ones just like his mother's) as he ducked his head to gather his thoughts.

“You know, she was terrified of being a mother, scared after the way she was raised and seeing how crazy your Aunt Polly. But God, Cooper, you made her so happy. She took one look at you and it clicked. She looked at me and said, ‘This is it, Jug. This is how it was always meant to be. I was always meant to be his mommy and you his daddy.’ And like always, she was right. I was always meant to be your dad. You made it so easy, you were such a wonderful baby and child. You have me the strength and will to keep going, Buddy.”

Jug pulled Cooper into a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head. He could feel the tears staining his shirt from where his son's head rested.

After a few moments of silence, the younger man pulled back, wiping away the tears that lingered on his face.

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell me about the time that you first kissed Mom again?”

Jughead laughed. “Sure, Bud. Well I had went over to her house one afternoon to see how she was. We had snuck into The Sisters of Quiet Mercy, where your grandparents had put Aunt Polly when she was pregnant with the twins, the day before.” Cooper was nodding along. Jughead had told him this story so many times now but it was one of his son's favorites.

“We got caught by your grandmother, and she was so furious that she kept your mom home from school without access to her phone. So naturally I grabbed the ladder from your Uncle Archie's dad's garage and scaled the side of the house to your mom's window.” He gave his son a stern look suddenly, “Don't even think about doing that with Jules, you hear me? Your aunt would kick my ass.”

Cooper snorted, “I won't, but Aunt Veronica wouldn't do that. She loves me too much to care,” he grinned mischievously.

Jughead jokingly cuffed his ear, “Let’s not test that theory, shall we?” The young man laughed, settling down one more.

“So, anyways. I could see your mom through the glass looking very serious and contemplative, kinda like how you get sometimes. She was still trying to solve everything in that beautiful blonde head of hers, and I just knew that that was my moment. I had loved her for years already, but seeing her be Nancy Drew,” he looked down at the floor, his mind conjuring up the image of his love. “She was something else, Coop.

“I knocked on her window to get her attention, thinking I was so clever and smooth. I remember the first thing I said was ‘Hey there Juliet, nurse off duty?’” Cooper snorted again. “Yeah, it was as cheesy as it sounds, but God, your mom? She just brought that mushy side out of me.” He grinned at the memories.

“You know, that's where Jules got her name.”

“Wait, what? You never told me this. How?” Cooper looked bewildered at the new information.

“Yeah. After the complications of your birth made it so we couldn't have any more kids, your aunt decided that she would use the name for us. She loved your mom so much and knew how much she wanted to name a little girl Juliet that Veronica said she'd name her daughter that to honor her. Jules was originally going to be named Elizabeth but your mom insisted that they go with Juliet once you were born.”

Cooper sat, stunned that the love of his life got her name from his parents love story.

“Betty desperately wished she could watch the man you would become, she's so proud of you, Bud. I just know it.” Cooper's and Jug’s eyes glistened.

“She's so proud of you too, Dad.”

“Thanks, Coop. Now, enough sad. Tell me about your date,” giving his son the biggest shit-eating grin.

“Daaaad-”