#keep seeing her throughout the game the cut gets worse until she realizes it's probably not a normal wound and Oops infected fight now

[possessable]

^old shitpost from 2019/2020 that i am making an addendum to

[beevean]

@spinningbuster98​

I don’t really know what to think of Order of Ecclesia overall. It took me until near the end of the game to understand where my grievances came from and why I suddenly stopped to have them. It seems to be a rather 50/50 game: half meh, half great... in this order.

How to make a reference to an unpopular mechanic of an unpopular game exquisitely badass :’)

The structure feels simplified, compared to PoR, SoTN and even AoS, which makes me think that at the time fans were getting bored with the Metroidvania style. There are many maps, but most of them are rather small, with the barest amount of secrets and rarely an incentive to go back. The locations aren’t even interconnected: if you exit an area, you can select where to go next, which is much more convenient than a big castle full of teleporters but also de-Metroidvania-fies the experience. The game also outright tells you that it unlocked a “new” area to visit, or even worse re-visit, cutting down the process of exploration that reached a comfortable level in PoR.

Probably the most Metroidvania moment was in the Kalidus Channel: at first Shanoa can only swim on the surface, so you can only go from left to right, but then she learns how to swim in deep waters and you can explore the entire area, which is much bigger than it first seemed. That’s cool! But it’s just one of the few examples. And as I mentioned above, when I got the Serpent Scale I was like “ah-ha! I know where to use it!”, but then I exited the area... and the map placed a neon sign on the Channel, invalidating my realization. C’mon, way to make me feel stupid :\

I was hoping that the game would be similar to SoTN in the sense of being strictly railroaded at first until a certain point where the maps open up for you - and I thought that getting the Ordinary Rock would be that point. After getting it, the game wants you to go to Somnus Reef... but nothing is stopping you from exploring the second part of Tymeo Mountains, which you couldn’t access to before. Finally, some Metroidvania :P it’s very short lived, though, as not long after that you’re railroaded again. Shame.

“But Bee, you love Metroid Fusion which is also a linear Metroidvania, how come you’re not as enthusiastic with this one?” because Fusion’s pillars are a strong narrative present throughout the entire game, a memorable gimmick in the form of the SA-X, many revisitable areas, and most importantly stellar level design. OoE doesn’t have stellar level design.

I mean, this is literally Marble Zone from Sonic 1!

And that’s still moderately complex for this game.

Bruh.

Some later levels even reuse assets and music. Argila Swamp is Ruvas Forest but more annoying, and Mystery Manor, the first climax of the game where you fight Albus, is just a reskinned Giant’s Dwelling. I can’t help feeling very disappointed by the last one :\

At least the plot is great! The best one in the series so far. I like Shanoa a lot, she has a memorable design and gimmick, and watching her losing her memories and emotions due to the adopted-brother-turned-villain was a great incentive to keep going - I really felt for her everytime she pointed out that she can’t feel anything and cannot even smile or cry. It’s hard to make you care for an emotionless protagonist, but she’s self aware and sensitive enough that it works. Then at the end, twist! Albus really was doing everything for Shanoa’s sake, because Barlowe was evil all along (as you can see in the bad ending)! The first scenes sure hit different now. You thought that Albus was just a jealous asshole, but no, he was a big bro until his death :( and when Shanoa uses Dominus to defeat Dracula, Albus gives his soul to not sacrifice Shanoa’s. Stop I can’t handle this D:

“You gave up your life for my safe, and I don’t feel anything. I can’t even shed a tear... Why was everything stolen from me?!” ;A;

“Now I've lost everything... my past, my emotions, my brother, and my purpose... I'm empty. ...there's nothing left for me.” ;AAAA;

You see this? You know what it is? It’s precious and to be protected at all costs, that’s what. I want to hug her so bad :(

(I’m just a little bothered by how, in other cutscenes Albus is in, he sounds too smug and patronizing. I can’t read his dialogue in any other way than “evil”. Bit of a missed opportunity)

Speaking of the good ending, I have to praise how you get it: save all 13 villagers before facing Albus. Some of them are in your way, others are hidden behind secret walls It’s by far the best requirement I’ve seen so far: it’s tied with the plot, it’s something you’ll be doing naturally, requires only the minimum amount of effort in exploring, there’s a strong plot reason that explains why doing this allows to progress, and it doesn’t turn the fake final boss into an irritating slog :^)

And the fake final boss, Albus, that’s probably the most fun boss in the game. Maybe also the easiest because for some reason he doesn’t damage you on contact but hey. If you bother to collect the Vol Umbra glyph in the dark trap room, and also if you have the presence of mind to absorb Albus’ own Acerbatus glyph, it becomes a rhythm game of shooting, sliding behind him, shooting, sliding behind him, and it was super engaging. (also my heart broke everytime I died and he uttered “Shanoa, kill me” :( )

(the bad ending is also much more poignant than in the other games. It’s not just “oh well, nothing more we can do now, let’s go home”; Shanoa, who hasn’t learned the truth, dies by using the compete Dominus! And since you probably don’t know the truth either, it comes as a shock to you too! And you have to personally equip the glyphs and use them, almost making you an accomplice! Not only Dracula is free to do as he pleases, but your negligence killed the protagonist! Man that just makes me feel bad :( )

(on another note, the game is kind enough to show you the villagers that you’ve missed, although not exactly where, and for a few seconds each, just enough to guess where the rooms could be. That is very nice)

So, as I think it’s clear, I was ready to consider this game a downgrade compared to PoR. But then the second half of the game threw me for a loop. I beat Barlowe, got to Dracula’s Castle, and...

Excuse me???? Now you’ve decided to go back to the Metroidvania roots?

The castle is still more or less railroaded and it’s more of a labyrinth full of dead ends, where you have to cycle anti-clockwise to get to the top (the only choice I could find was whether to fight Eligor or Death first), but look at that! Passageways I need to backtrack to once I have the right abilities! Oh how I missed you! And the castle is big, made of multiple areas, with great glyphs to find, and full of vicious enemies that force you to be at the top of your game - it's funny how the game with the easiest requirement for the good ending gives you the biggest, juiciest treat :p

The combat is interesting and probably the most fleshed out part of the game, it reminds me of AoS’s Soul System but far less randomized. Shanoa gains weapons by absorbing glyphs, which is done by pressing Up for a few seconds, and the game sometimes puts you in situations where you have to be very quick while absorbing a glyph or simply surrounding you with enemies. The weapons at the beginning are... very much not great, and you’d better wait for their Vol version, which for me meant that I spent roughly the first third of the game feeling somewhat frustrated, but they do improve later on. You can double attack if you assign the same weapon to both attack buttons (and ngl double smashing the hammer became addictive pretty quickly), but attacking temporarily drains your MP, for some reason. I got used to it, but it felt like an arbitrary limitation at first.

The elemental spells were really fun, though, and I especially abused the Ignis spell with its triple projectile and Nitesco with its long range - this game also places much more importance on weapon weakness, which is nice, as it forces you to use everything you have and not just the weapon with the highest ATK stat. It’s been a thing since SOTN, but this is the first time where it felt important. There is some element of customization with the Glyph Union, that changes depending on which Glyphs you’ve equipped, which is pretty cool: I especially love Universitas (Light + Dark), it reminds me of how OP Sonic Boom was in Metroid Prime 2 <3

(and it is so funny to me that, at any time after the Albus fight, you can use the full Dominus glyph: it is extremely awesome to witness, but rip shanoa. sorry for breaking the promise albus, the flames of the apocalypse were pretty)

The back glyphs are some of my favorites. There’s Magnes, which allows for some engaging platforming, especially in the Mechanical Tower (and you can even avoid some of the early bosses’ attacks); there’s Paries, which makes you phase into walls; there’s Refectio, which makes you heal (what a literal life saver in Dracula’s castle); there’s Rapidus Fio, which makes you nyoom lol; and there’s the Arma glyphs, which are just fun - the Werecat’s attacks are fast and strong, and it’s so cute how the other Werecats help you; the automaton is slow but nearly invincible and destroys those annoying spikes in the Clock Mechanical Tower; and launching bats on top of Rusalka’s head as a Werebat was the highlight of the game for me.

I also like how you can steal the glyphs from some enemies and bosses as they’re getting ready to use their attack lol, what a power move.

Then there’s the fabled difficulty.

Similarly to SoTN, OoE suffers from Early Game Hell, in that you start off as very weak and with mediocre attacks, and only halfway through you feel relatively strong. To compensate for this, the enemies suddenly become tanks, killing you in a few seconds if you’re not at the top of your game. The enemy placement can be rather mean too :\ Dracula’s castle is downright evil, with some of the nastiest enemies since the NES era, to the point where the Death Ring feels like a joke. Oh, I’m stronger but I die in one hit? So pretty much my experience already?

Speaking of which, those stages that are nothing but straight lines? They’re like this because the point isn’t to explore, but it’s to defend yourself against swarms of annoying enemies. Are they meant to evoke the feeling of a Classicvania? Were people missing the Classicvania style? Is this the equivalent of the 2D sections in Unleashed? I can’t say I’m a fan of them. I’ll take Argila Swamp as an example, which was easily the lowest point for me. A clone of Ruvas Forest down to the music, with the added gimmick of weed that slows you down, full of fast, strong enemies that swoop on you or enemies that create weed for you to kill? It’s boring! At least the Classicvanias had more complex, well though out design!

The shop also adds to the difficulty: it’s nearly empty if you don’t bother to complete quests. The village becoming more lively as you rescue people is another good incentive to explore the maps, some NPCs are charming (I especially like the old lady with a mysterious past and the jeweler who’s totally into Shanoa lol), and the quests are rarely annoying anyway. Still, you have to work to get those helpful items.

The bosses got progressively better, and not just because I got stronger, but man were most of them a challenge. The first ones, like Arthroverta and the giant skeleton, were pretty boring and unmemorable. Brachyura was original but annoying and took forever to die. The Man Eater was forgettable, and so was the Gravedorcus. Rusalka is strong but really cool and the Arma Chiroptera exploit is both cheap and hilarious. Goliath was just strong. But by the end, you have the fun Albus fight, the engaging Barlowe fight (with a memorable move where he punches you as he berates for betraying him), and all the bosses in the castle, who are hard as balls (except for Wallman lol) but very memorable. Eligor, marathon boss that he was, was very, very satisfying to beat.

This is sick and by far the best moment in the game.

Wallman’s death is also sick in a funny way. He uses a glyph to hide in the walls, Shanoa absorbs it... and he fucking dies crushed in the wall. Shanoa is brutal.

A nitpick that I have is that at the end of the Dracula fight, Shanoa outright tells the player to use the full Dominus glyph. I think it would have been better if the player was left to realize it for themselves. Having to manually select the glyphs at the climax of the game also takes away from the tension. Oh well, the moment is still epic.

One of the things I’ve noticed is that there’s little to no nostalgia factor here. I think some of the enemies were reused, and there are two reused tracks, Tower of Dolls from Akumajou Dracula and Enterprising Mercantilism from Dawn of Sorrow. But there are no nostalgia bosses, no other musical references to more famous games (you know, the Holy Trinity :P), no plot connection to other games... Odd, considering how reliant on nostalgia this series is :P

Graphically, what else? This game is stunning. From the 30-frame animation of Shanoa’s hair to the gorgeous stormy sea, this game came out in the middle of the DS lifespan and it shows. I also vastly prefer the return to the gothic artsyle for the portraits - PoR’s cutscenes were hard to take seriously at times. PoR used 3D effects a little more frequently, but that’s okay, OoE has also great effects like the ship in the Kalidus Channel.

Some locations were fairly boring, like the forests, others were much more memorable, like the Kalidus Channel and the Somnus Reef (I have a thing for sea levels :P). And that’s not mentioning some clever setpieces - my favorite moment was stumbling upon a wrecked ship full of treasures in the Kalidus Channel! Or what about the frozen waterfall that you have to thaw by absorbing the Vol Grando glyph?

(I don’t know where to include this, but I really like how some glyphs aren’t just a game mechanic, but part of the world. Albus uses the Torpore glyph to trap the villagers, the Lighthouse’s light is the Luminatio glyph, absorbing the Vol Umbra glyph illuminates a room, there’s the aforementioned Vol Grando glyph... it’s intriguing world building :) )

(I also love how you have to find the 3 Custos glyphs, that is the three Cerberus heads, to open the gate to Dracula. It is a little weird how you have to go up and not down though, but I guess Lord Dracula refuses to live underground :P)

Musically... eh? For the first half of the game, I struggle to remember most of the tracks from the top of my head. The problem is not that the tracks are bad, it’s that I struggle to associate most of them with their areas - the recycling of levels and themes later on doesn’t help matters. For example, I can’t distinguish Chapel Hidden in Smoke and Unholy Vespers and I find them bland for the standards of the series; Rhapsody of the Forsaken is good, but I always forget that it plays in the Prison Island level. Some themes are good but play in weird locations - why is the funky and light Jaws of a Scorched Earth the theme of the harsh, steep, cloudy Tymeo Mountains? (and what’s with the name? it’s awesome but again not what I’d call that track)

But then there’s the second half, full of nothing but bangers. Albus’ theme, Sorrow’s Distortion, starts off with a creepy organ but then becomes a rock piece and so hype-inducing. Lament to the Master feels like a sad dance to me, almost conveying the two fighters’ mutual sense of betrayal. When An Empty Tome played in Dracula’s Castle? Chills <3 Malak’s Labyrinth? Ebony Wings (which to me sounds like the intro of Sailor Moon)? The Colossus? Why is this area so good??

(also Rituals stabs me in the heart and it hurts.)

So, final thoughts? I think I’d have to replay the game, maybe not immediately but in the near future. The game got better and better as I continued, but some factors are objective flaws for me. As I said in the beginning, the second half, as mean as it is, overshadows the first half, which is funny because I can tell that OoE tried to be different, maybe to shake up the formula. Well, the old formula still works better in my opinion :P but yeah, it feels like the opposite of SoTN, where the main game is a blast and the “extra” part drags on.

But at least I can say, that the best part of this game is that it had a Morb(i)us reference in 2008.

Truly the movie of all time.

But seriously, a pretty good game to end the main series with.

[sashannarcy]

hi op what are your thoughts on uhhhh *spins wheel* sasha's season 2b arc (hope that's not too broad a subject)

edit: putting this under a cut bc it got LONG but. enjoy (???)

okay I gotta start by saying I didn't expect the depth of it at ALL; I knew Sash was featured prominently in the ending episodes of s2 based off of what my friend informed me, but like. I was not expecting 4.5 episodes to be almost ENTIRELY centered on their character arc and design (the .5 being the first half of True Colors).

that being said, I think Sash's 2b arc is PHENOMENAL bc of the way the nuance in it is written so incredibly well. this character is about to perform the most antagonistic move that they've pulled in the whole series so far, which is the act of betraying both Anne and Marcy in order to support Grime and get them home safe, if they so choose to go home (as an aside, I think at this point Sash has probably decided that she likes it more in Amphibia than back home, and there's one line that I'll get to that seems to be VERYYYY indicative of that. and if this is the case, it makes sense to me why Sasha would want to help Grime at all and why they don't really seem quite eager to follow Anne and Marcy back home. but! important to note that they still give those two the choice to go back if they wish, because at the end of the day Sash loves them and wouldn't try to force them to stay). and yet we see!! this back and forth!! this FIGHT that's happening in their mind, the way there's a flash of guilt they express at the very end of The Third Temple directly after confirming to Grime that things are still going according to plan, their convo w Anne at the end of The Dinner, the entire plot arc of BotB, and ofc the Sashanne duel in True Colors. I want to make an analysis post for each of these episodes because they're so fucking PACKED w shit to analyze, but I'll try my best to touch on all points here.

obviously we first learn of Sasha's plans to betray Anne and Marcy in The Third Temple. but what's important is that throughout the entire episode, there's several points where Sash switches back and forth between manipulation and honesty. I can talk abt this w confidence just based off of the whole. *gestures vaguely at myself.* but Sasha's initial apology in this episode was sheer manipulation, I think we all know that. however, when Sasha has to do their final test in the temple, those few lines they exchange w Anne in the moments before they raise themself up off the floor and launch themself into battle... those were genuine. they know they've been a shitty friend, and they're willing to accept that. so you have this game, almost, where Sash keeps flipping between putting on a mask to ensure they can keep up their facade until Grime secures the city and genuinely acknowledging their behavior and knowing that what they are doing is not going to sit well w Anne and Marcy.

so with that, The Third Temple sets the premise for the rest of the episodes of the season as far as Sasha's character arc. The Dinner is such a good fucking episode to follow with, because it hammers in the fact that Sasha has not changed. what it ALSO hammers in is she is still acting in her own self-interest - to put it in her words, she wants to get the friendship back under control. they still lash out, they still have a short fuse, they're still heavily opinionated and rough around the edges and prickly because this is an environment where they feel threatened. they're finally reuniting with the two people that mean the absolute most to them, only to realize they've been left out of the narrative. also not for nothing, but their trauma in Reunion got joked about in this episode which led to them blowing up over it, and like. I'm giving that one a pass bc man. anyway. at the end of the episode they say they like who they are, but it's said with a frown, which I think is fucking GENIUS. because there's an actual meaning to this line - they don't ACTUALLY like who they are. we have plenty of evidence that they don't like themself. what they MEAN is that they don't want to change, because that would mean giving up a security that they need in order to keep themself together. AND THIS IS DEMONSTRATED CRYSTAL CLEAR IN BOTB. they literally PURPOSEFULLY detach themself from Anne and Marcy bc they know they want control but they ALSO know that their behavior is just going to hurt the other two, so instead of compromising, they just go hey I'm gonna do my thing and you guys can do yours. and we'll both get what we want. and if that's not evidence that this character is fucking GRAPPLING with how to grow and change as a person, idk what is

and then. sigh. we get to True Colors. ofc Sash goes through on their betrayal - they're loyal to a fucking T once you dig beneath the surface, and they wouldn't just not follow through for Grime. what is absolutely KEY here is the fact that they are still leaving room for their friends' best interests, as in they're not trapping them in Amphibia but rather explaining how they're gonna help Grime take over, implying they'll go back home once they're done, but if Anne and Marcy wanna go back now, that's cool. if she didn't give a fuck abt their wellbeing, she'd just keep them there w her. but she doesn't. and then Anne starts retaliating, and. well. we ALL know Sasha does NOT do well with criticism of any kind. so they just go okay I'll send you back now then (and this is STILL an action motivated by what they think is best for Anne). BUT THE LINE. OHHHH THE SUPER IMPORTANT LINE THAT MADE MY HEAD SNAP UP AND MADE ME PHYSICALLY GO "YIKES" OUT LOUD. is Sasha saying "say hi to your parents for me." it's like a goddamn full-on sucker punch packed into one sentence - seven words, and all of a sudden we know for sure this kid does not have a good home life. I could go into elaboration on Sasha and the way she views familial ties throughout the show, but I won't bc that's gonna take this already super long answer and make it even worse. regardless, Sasha has once again flipped the switch and is indulging in their worst behaviors, which is full on controlling and holding power to act on what THEY think is best in the moment. and the moment Anne snaps, the moment Anne yells about Sasha being a horrible person, literally EVERYTHING shifts and the reaction from Sasha is VISCERAL. and what I mean by that is. it's not just the look in their eyes at those words. it's not just the sudden and complete loss of meaning, of self, of motivation after they've lost Anne's support. it's not just the way they stare at their own reflection in a sword that represents the color of the person they're trying their hardest to protect. it's the way that for the rest of the goddamn episode, they spend it trying to do the one thing they fear the most: giving up control. I'm gonna elaborate on this whole aspect in a different ask bc I was asked abt it, but the way Sasha acts towards Anne after the fallout, especially at the beginning of the duel and during the confrontation w Andrias, is fucking monumental. they struggle so much with how to change their own behavior, yet the very moment they lose the support of the people they've been trying so hard to love and care for in their roundabout way, they can change the way they act. because who the fuck is Sasha Waybright without Anne Boonchuy and Marcy Wu? in her mind, no one. she doesn't have any idea of who she is outside of this, so ofc she can act differently when she's thrown out in the cold. after all, it doesn't take much to warp an identity that doesn't exist.

tldr; god. how do I sum this up. Sash's 2b arc is smth that's incredibly intricate and complex from the way they constantly flip between desperately needing control and feeling guilty that this is the way they need to live. and True Colors is able to finally demonstrate to us the final piece in how they operate - without their friends, they lose sense of who they are, and their personality comes undone. in 4.5 episodes the writers managed to give us 1000 aspects to their character that we hadn't gotten to explore, and we can see that Sasha was never meant to be the villain. so. final review is that's some good shit👍

[astriefer]

Let Me Kiss Your Bleedings Goodbye / Look Around And See How Much You Are Loved

Summary: Alastair just wants to listen to music in his room, but the world won't have it.

Word count: 5718

Warnings: alcohol, implied mental abuse, manipulation, toxic relationships, cursing, mentioned alcoholism, neglect, negative thoughts.

@littlx-songbxrd that one is for your birthday! You chose angst the other day so I just rolled with it-

Happy birthday!! You're an amazing, creative,talented and such a special friend! I'm glad I got to meet you ^-^

All Alastair asked for was to listen to music on his phone and mind his own business. But of course, the fates weren't happy unless Alastair has had a shitty day.

Cordelia knocked on his door politely. "Alastair?"

It was Saturday, so she had no reason to bother him. Lunch had already been served, and she was about to go out with her friends. So why come bother him now?

He made no move to unlock the door, and his annoying little sister repeated, "Alastair!" 

She started to slam her fists at the door like some sort of a madwoman, and Alastair groaned and tore himself from his bed. "What?" he hissed as his bedroom door flew wide open.

"Mâmân wants you downstairs," Cordelia answered, backing away slightly. If she heeded Alastairs's pissed mood, good. She interrupted in the middle of his favorite song. The call of reason would say it was because they were almost nose to nose, and she was repulsed of his closeness as any other sibling would, but he liked the first option better.

"And that you couldn't tell me through the door because?" he snarled, and Cordelia rolled her eyes. He glanced at her and noticed what she wore - one of her favorites clothes Lucie picked up for her a few months ago. He arched a perfect eyebrow at his sister."Is there some special occasion?"

Cordelia's cheeks flushed red, and she decisively didn't meet his eyes. "It's nothing. Just going out with some-- That's none of your business. You're so irking. Oof."

She exchanged to the annoyed-sibling-defense-system mid-sentence. It was Alastair's turn to roll his eyes so he didn't waste it. "Whatever. Go play dolls with Lucie." Closing the door behind him, he ambled down the staircase to the ground floor, ignoring his sister's protest. 

He entered the drawing-room, which he found deserted. All that laid there were a few magazines Cordelia left on the table and an empty cup of coffee. He didn't stall to wonder who besides him drank coffee in the house since his mother was pregnant - and it was unhealthy for the baby - and Cordelia didn't like it. He headed to the dining room, finding his mother seated on one of the dinner table's seats. In front of her, seemingly a pristine-white unopened letter.

"Dearling," Sona smiled at her son, the light not reaching her eyes. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he answered. He perched on the chair next to hers and took one of the pastries Risa brought the previous day that laid in a basket. She would occasionally check on Sona and them. Their aunt had assisted them in any possible way was able to in the past few months. And even before that, she volunteered to do things Alastair wished she wouldn't. She once contacted James Herondale, Cordelia's boyfriend, to give him  the talk . It was hilarious as much as it was terrifying because while Risa picked fundamental English words, she had him by the arm to help her translate. And Holly Lord in the sky, he couldn't look James in the face for a month.

Sona just studied him for a few moments, before her features softened. "You always so self-reliant." she shook her head. "I'm sorry. You don't need your mother to nag you."

Alastair inclined toward her, squinting. "Mom, I never said that."

"You seem peeved at me," she adjusted her deep green roosari - it matched the wide yellow and green dress she wore - before resting her eyes on the letter. "I would think it has something to do with puberty if I didn't have a second teenager in the house."

"I'm not angry at you." Alastair scoffed.

"Alright," Sona said.

"Are Cordelia and I in a competition of who is the worst teenager? Well - at least I'm on the lead. Cordelia should level up her game."

"Dear, it's not it," Sona lifted both her hands, like in a plea, before she dropped them on the table again. Alastair noted her eyes wandered around the room - deviated from how she usually behaved - and suspected he was going to be apprised of some news.

Brows furrowed, he asked, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Well-" she rubbed at her eyes, and Alastair noticed - not for the first time - the dark circles around his mother's eyes. Does he keep you awake at night? He wished to ask in worse days, to see if it hurt her as much as it hurt him. Or is he haunting you with nightmares?

Alastair long knew the figure Elias is in Cordelia and Sona's dreams is of some immaculate hero. One with kind eyes, a guiding beacon, a loving man. In their dreams, he would outstretch a comforting hand and still be young and caring. He's the best version of himself, a father and a husband that loves them. He is also the man that dwelled in his most horrifying nightmares  - A drunk, nothing more. He was swigging vodka by the bar, with cold eyes and tousled white hair. This version of his father, he knew, would call him a brat, would complain about his mother pestering him to visit rehab. His father would hug his bottle and glance at him as if he was a nuisance to get rid of,  and he would close his eyes and wish to be elsewhere. But he's small again, and just wants his father to leave the bottle to hug him goodnight, tucked safely under the blankets. But his father wouldn't come.

Was it foolish his heart still stung whenever he came across this truth?

She cut the pleasantries and readied herself. "Your father's lawyer declared he wouldn't waive the trial," Sona conceded, her shoulders sagged. His mother laid a protective hand on her belly, where Alastair's sibling has been growing in her womb for the past few months. "A letter was dispatched."

It was all it had to take to ruin his day. He barely had the restraint to not leap on feet and scream at the cursed photo of his father, hung on one of the walls. Before it was all revealed, before it exploded in their face, and far before Cordelia became aware of their father's afflict, they used to do it often. To talk about what they would do next. How to protect Cordelia, how to help Elias, how to hide the appalling secret of their family their best. Now they did it for an entirely different reason.

Up to a few months ago, they were still a picture of a family in a broken frame. When the court exonerated Elias from any blame, they reunited and returned to posture like they always had been. Act, because that is all they could do. However, upon Elias's trial, Cordelia discovered the truth. Alastair was so exhausted from hiding it, he didn't perceive it until he let the lie collapse. He had blamed himself, he still did, but it changed nothing from the fact Cordelia knew about their father now.

She knew, and she was livid. At Alastair, at their mother and father, at the world. After all, she lived a lie. Who could have blamed her?

It was that day he confessed to her in a shaken voice the utter truth and let the wall between them succumb and burn to ashes. When he looked her in the eyes then, he saw the light in her eyes dimming, reality striking, the way he desires it never would. All those years he kept her safe from Elias were in vain. Although he received his sister back into his life, there was little Alastair could do but blame himself for shattering the delicate reality they threaded around her, the needless pain he caused her. She needed to comprehend, he told himself, what was behind the mask her father put in front of the world. 

But if he never wanted to tell her, did it still count?

And his mother. She looked stiff, if not a bit tired. She held herself straight and proud, yet it was useless. Because what could she do? What either of them could do?

"He accuses me of Parental Alienation," Sona went on, caressing her belly delicately. She peeked at the letter again, and Alastair did as well. Now he realized the sign on the letter, and the fact it seemed unopened but in fact was. "The court is checking out at his claims."

Alastair exhaled through the nose, rocking his leg in rage. "That's nonsense. He's irresponsible alcoholism that can't take care of himself. He was tipsy on the day of the trial! Any feeling we have toward him, it's his own making." Throughout the very beginning of sending the Divorce Complaint to court, Elias had refused to accept he was divorcing. Alastair was awfully aware his father wanted custody over them, and he fought with all his unmighty power to prevent it. When he imagined his younger siblings suffering a fraction of his father's attitude, his nerves set on fire. He was aware his mother fought teeth and nails to proceed in this divorce even without this additional claim.

And Alastair was even more aware they barely had had the money to pay for this. 

"What does he want?" Alastair growled. "He knows we don't have that money! He doesn't have the money to pay for this prosecution either!" His father, being put in jail, fired from his job, and wasting their money on wine, probably couldn't even provide Child Support.

"I thought it was going so well," Sona returned his stare, kind and calm. The giving sign she was upset was that rustling sound her roosari made when she fixed it restlessly.

"And Cordelia?" he made to quiet himself on the spot. He spoke in something similar to a whisper. "Bloody hell, she's upstairs. How can we tell her?"

"Language," she warned, then reached and rested her hand on his comfortingly. "She already knows."

He whipped his head in her direction. His mother didn't bat an eyelash. He managed only to let a strangled "What?" escape his mouth. He couldn't wound his mind around it. The father Cordelia looked up to betrayed her, over and over again.

His mother closed her eyes. Maybe she couldn't look at his desperate, fumed face any longer. "She was the one to fetch the letter from the post." Alastair held himself from swearing again and rose to his feet. It's good his mother didn't look at him - he wasn't sure he could look at her either. He was trembling with agitation, his vision red.

"He can't do that. He can't- get to win. Not after all the pain we've been through because of him. That's not fair. That's not fair." He was breathing hard.

"He wouldn't. Alastair, dear, look at me."

Her words were veracious, so was her voice. He couldn't manage himself to do as she said.

"Joonam-"

"I'm going for a walk." He declared strongly, hastily. "I need to chill out. Go and rest, Mother. You shouldn't work yourself out."

And with that, he took his leave. He ignored his mother calling him from behind. He brought no chattel but himself and whatever he bore that instant as he closed the door behind him and rushed down the street to disappear among the many passersby of London. Before even thinking about it, his phone was out, and he typed feverishly and pressed send without waiting to reread his text. He tucked his phone back into his trouser's pocket and took a deep breath.

His father wouldn't desist from haunting him, no matter how much he prayed it to come to an end. When his mother announced she wants a divorce, he - not lacking guilt - felt glad. Each day home was a misery. His mother was confined to bed, his father trailed the streets as if he didn't return from rehab just a month before. And this life was a cage he longed to escape, to set free from the crushing weight on his heart. 

His father-

He came to a halt in the middle of the street, letting his head fall all the way back with closed eyes. He wanted to punch a wall or lash out at someone. When he talked with Jem the other day, his cousin told him bottling things inside would only result in a breakdown. He recommended he contact a person he trusted when it all felt too much for Alastair to bear.

Perhaps he should...

No. he shook as head, trying to toss this idea into an imaginary dump bin. There's no need. A nice, solitary stroll is a splendid solution. Alastair needn't anyone to look at his back worriedly like some ailing lost kitten. He didn't need it. He can be fine if he simply composed himself.

He let his legs carry him mindlessly, losing himself in his thoughts. He walked, and walked, and walked. It was a great aid to clear his mind. Even in a crowded London street in the afternoon, he felt the tight cloud of thoughts loosening around his mind. Not for long, however. 

He walked near a club - a club he knew very well, but not because of his father. And in the entrance stood a freckled figure, with silken ginger hair and piercing green eyes.

The sight of his ex-boyfriend was enough to startle Alastair out of his thought. They locked eyes, and Alastair nearly lost his footing. Charles blurted something to whomever he was talking to and advanced toward the dark-haired boy. Alastair felt himself go stiff as if he prepared for a hit.  Swiftly, he considered turning around and flee, and just as he was about to put this thought into effect, he felt a hand seizing his forearm. While Collecting his confidence, he turned to give Charles a blank glare.  

"Alastair." greeted the older boy. "What are you doing here?"

"None of your business," Why did his voice sound hoarse? "Let go of me," Alastair demanded.

Charles's grip on his dark skin did not weaken. It felt warm even though there had been a layer of cloth between them. Alastair attempted to break free, however Charles pressed his hand harder, not enabling Alastair to move. "Come."

And so Alastair was led by his redhead ex-partner to an alley, hidden from any of Charles's companions. Alastair had the sudden urge to laugh - still so furtive. Still so abashed. Charles shoved him into the alley, blocking his way out with his body. "Alastair. I haven't seen you in a long time."

However mad he felt, his voice came out calm. Cold. Indifferent. Like he practiced in front of a mirror when he was small. "That was the point of breaking up with you," he retorted evenly.

Charles ignored his remark. "You haven't answered any of my texts, nor my calls. I ought to speak with you."

A lump rose in his throat. "I can't fathom anything to be said to matter."

He dug his nails in his palm, then understood he'd been doing it and forced himself to relax. Charles had no authority over him. He couldn't reach him now. Yet, it felt far away when Charles studied him like a very interesting political certificate. He hesitated before lifting his hand to touch Alastair's cheek tenderly. Alastair, in turn, backed away. Which was a difficult talk considering Charles still held his hand around his forearm.

"Unhand me," Alastair almost spat. He felt his own shield build up. "Do you want any of your colleagues to see you so close to a man?" The dark-eyed boy knew it would work. Charles always aspired to appear pivotal, even when it was clearly pretentious of his side. Charles's grip loosened him and Alastair hastily put distance between them. Charles gave him a look - one Alastair could only describe as wistful.

"Had I known what I did wrong to make you stop caring for me, I would have made sure to keep you closer to me," Charles said softly.

At first, it sounded almost sweet. Almost. Rather rapidly it turned disgusting as the words sank. Keep you closer, toughen the chains, tell lies to a love-famished soul.

He felt fire spreading in his stomach. Not the good sort of fire - but the kind that consumes everything it touches, that destroys and demolishes and injures.  "You didn't know?" Alastair's voice quivered as he spoke, barely tamed anger in every syllable. "Shucks, so what could tell? What could tell you did something wrong when I told you I was upset you were with Ariadne? And later on, when you went and pushed your tongue into Grace's mouth in front of my eyes to make everyone believe you're straight? Or perhaps that whenever I expressed any feeling that wasn't gratitude you grace me with your presence, you said I'm overreacting? "

Charles straightened. "I wasn't bad to you. I tried to give you everything I could."

"Damnit, Charles, not today," Alastair whirled in his place, his words hot and sharp. "That's not on you to decide if you were bad or good to me! You have no right to decide for me. You gave me what you thought would be enough so I won't talk, and I was a boy desperate to be loved." He exhaled slowly. "So no, Charles. You weren't good for me at all."  

"You wanted me to out myself for you when I wasn't ready?"

He was never going to be ready, Alastair thought. "If you think I was upset with you because you weren't out, you don't know me at all." A mirthless laugh slipped Alastair's lips. Did Charles even listen to him? 

"Don't say that." Charles objected. "I know you better than anyone else. You know that too." he huffed and loosened his tie. "No, that's not it. Do you not love me anymore?"

It was ridiculous. "No, Charles, I don't." The smell hit his nostrils, and the realization dawned on him. Charles's mouth stank from Alcohol, despite not smelling it on his clothes at all.

Ah.

"You're drunk," Alastair condemned.  It was almost an accusation, spoke so offhandedly. But he truly didn't care enough for it to be an accusation.

"I drank only a drink or two." Charles dismissed, and he looked so ugly at that moment, Alastair wanted to flee from his presence. "If you didn't want me, don't blame me for why this relationship broke apart. I try to make things right."

It was comedic to watch Charles exculpate himself and put the blame on Alastair, had it been another day. Now, it only pissed Alastair furthermore.

"Stay away from me," his words sounded like acid in his ears. "I am not fond of drunks. Or ex-boyfriends. And you seem to be both."

Charles made a comical face, one in another day Alasair might laugh at. Distantly, he realized now why Cordelia and Sona were so reluctant to break him the news. When it came to this case, and to his father, Alastair was always on his toes. He is still too easily riled by the words and deeds of others sometimes. When he had to tell the court about his deeds revolving around his father - the late-night walks outside to pubs, the frequent help; the fear someone would find out - he poured all of his being to try and help his family. Defend them from Elias. But seemingly it had no use, and all Alastair was left with is his contempt with nowhere to pour it into. It slipped from the cracks of his armor like Lava.

He passed Charles, who no longer blocked the alley, and Charles perked up and said, "We haven't finished talking."

His phone buzzed repeatedly, signaling Kamala had received his previous message. "We are done," Alastair growled, loud. These green eyes widened, and he opened his mouth. To shush him, most probably. However, blood boiled in his ears and his words demanded to be heard. "Unassuming, quiet, dark," Alastair snapped. "A bloody puppet, that's what you want. And I refuse to be your puppet any longer. What is in my words unclear to you? Stay. Away. Should I spell it for you?"

Charles glanced at the sides nervously, looking for leery eyes even though there were none. Alastair couldn't believe it. Charles still tried to subdue him. It made him smirk ruthlessly at the older boy. "But you can't take no for an answer, do you? You think you deserve everything."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," The redhead scoffed, squinting at him. "If you're angry at something, don't take it on me."

"Oh, I will do whatever I want to do," His grin widened viciously." All I do is tell you exactly what I think of you. Does it hurt your white-man-superiority complex?" he mocked with a false sad nod. "Too bad."

His phone started to ring, and he could already tell it was Kamala, worried about what he told her. She was straightforward when she told him once to never hesitate to call her if her help is required. In some of his worst days, it was his best friend that contributed to preventing him from knocking his head in a wall. Moreover, Alastair told Kamala everything about the lawsuit and what they'd been through - the Carstairs saw her like family - and she was nothing but understanding. It took every gram of control in Alastair's body to clasp his phone and say, "I must go."

He didn't wait for an answer.

His phone went quiet in his hand. He pressed a few buttons and gripped the phone close to his ear.

After the fourth ring, someone picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Our place," Alastair's voice was strained. It felt like it came out from far, far away. "Now."

With adrenaline still driving through his system, he headed to his hideout. When life would be too much, he used to wander around town or find his escape in the calm of nature. And if this meant hunkering down next to a fence in Hyde Park, that's his business alone.

His phone raged up, and he felt stable enough to answer. The first thing Kamala said over the call was, "Love, I'm so sorry."

"Yes," Alastair mumbled darkly. "Me too."

Eventually, they hung up, and he sat on the ground, so his legs were against his chest and his arms surrounding them. For however long it'd been, he rested his head on the fence and let his overloaded mind take a break. When it didn't work and his head still throbbed, Alastair kicked at the ground in frustration, raising a cloud of dust. Then he sounded the low noise of feet against the sand, and a long figure climbed the fence he leaned on.

He stared at what Thomas was securing at his hands before he made a noise of annoyance. "Hell with this," he reached his hand, "Bring it over."

He grasped the can of beer, opening it with a loud pssh-pop! The can was cold in his hand, as if fresh from the store, and he took a sip. Then he lowered the can, revealing again the image of Thomas in a hoodie and pajama pants. He looked like he put random combination clothes and went outside, which probably wasn't far from the truth. Alastair didn't have the power to hum appreciatively.

"You sounded like you were crashed by a motorcycle, and then was chewed by the cats and dogs of the neighborhood," Thomas offered. "Thought you might need it."

"No shit," Alastair mumbled. "Thanks." He cradled it to his chest and looked away. Thomas looked a bit worried, but he said no words. As silence as a cat - no, Thomas was better described as a tiger - he went and sat next to Alastair. He opened his own beer can, gulping the drink in big sips.

Alastair had not opened his mouth, and Thomas didn't pressure him. For long moments that stretched even longer than they should, none of them uttered a word. They set together, side by side, surrounded by trees and leaves and the sun sinking from the west. With a big 'Ugh', Alastair dipped his head and slipped into Thomas's arms. 

"I don't want you embroiled in this," Alastair murmured, not moving as Thomas started tracing circles on his arm.

Thomas sighed softly, resting his chin on top of Alastair's head, not before he planted a kiss on the line of his hair. "Alright. But you know you can tell me whatever you want, yes?"

"I do," Alastair fell silent for a few seconds. His cheek was against Thomas's pulse point, where he found himself calming down with its steady beat. "I met Charles today."

"Charles?" at this sole word Thomas went rigid, ultimately relaxing as Alastair captured the hand on his arm and intertwined their fingers. "What has happened?"

"Nothing," Alastair answered and he knew without looking Thomas had his adorable face twisted in bewilderment. Therefore he added, reluctantly, "The usual."

Thomas moved to eye him suspiciously, but Alastair's head was still tucked under Thomas's chin. "I wouldn't think you call me if it was nothing."

"I call you for all sort of things. It doesn't have to be because my toxic ex is a dipshit."

"It feels like a low bar."

Alastair chuckled. "It really is."

Silence ensued and the presence of his boyfriend made everything brighter. Later at night, he would wonder how one man could make it so much better, yet now he just felt blessed to have Thomas by his side. A few minutes passed with Alastair closing his eyes and melting into Thomas's hug, while Thomas stroked his back comfortingly.

"Alastair?"

"Mhh."

"Alastair. "

He dug his fingers at the cool ground, taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain his composure. "What?"

He pushed Alastair back gently, and the short boy complied so they were face to face. "Are you alright?"

His dark eyes refused to meet with Thomas's hazel ones. There had been a quiet, "I'm not sure."

Thomas picked at a loose string of his hoodie, and Alastair made a mental note to steal his boyfriend's hoodie and sew it. He sat next to Thomas and reached for the beer, gulping the content of the can. He turned to Thomas, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He furrowed his brows when his boyfriend looked at him oddly, but it soon disappeared from Thomas's face. 

Alastair fiddled with the hem of his shirt, and his eyes were yet low on the ground. He sounded rustling by his side and glanced at his boyfriend as he took off his hoodie. Alastair cocked his eyebrow, and Thomas huffed at him with flushed cheeks. He handed him the hoodie. "You - might be cold. It's rather late, and you wear nothing but a T-shirt."

He scanned Thomas's underneath jumper and deemed it not much warming. "And you?"

"I am big, I make a lot of heat. Cellular respiration and all that."

Alastair snorted, shaking his head. "You daft med student."

He found solace in the warm hug of his boyfriend. And wearing his hoodie was almost the same, although he missed the heat. Yet, it was soft and familiar and all Thomas. His smell was enticing to Alastair, and he put it on and sniffed it -indistinguishably - even if Thomas was just a few inches away. 

As the sun set, it tinted the forest around them orange.

"You're doing the thing," Alastair commented, causing Thomas to blink.

"The what?" the tall boy asked.

"The thing. That you do." he poked Thomas's side. "You get all pensive and thoughtful and furrows your brows in that adorable way of yours. You caress your rose compass tattoo."

Thomas gave him a slight smile. "Genie has been ecstatic ever since Kamala agreed to join our family trip. I'm afraid my father is going to ask you himself if I won't."

"Ah."

"It's a bad timing, though," Thomas cackled nervously. "Sorry, never mind."

"That's fine, I don't care," Alastair said. "What family trip?"

"We thought to visit mom's country last year, but this year we want to visit some rural parts of England. Uncle Will keeps telling us how visiting North Wells, where his family lived. Eugenia keeps threatening to steal my sweets." 

"She certainly would still all your snacks," Alastair speculated. He flapped mindlessly the sleeves of Thomas's hoodie to himself, which were too long for him. Thomas sent him a soft side smile.

"She will," agreed Thomas in false despair, resting his head on the fetch they leaned on. "She's like some sort of sweets monster. The only way to calm her down is to sacrifice our food." 

"I know," was Alastair's response. "She's my friend. My very own short chaotic, havoc-causing, maniac goblin friend." It startled a laugh out of Thomas, and he went to rest his hand on Alastair's knee.

"Dad keeps joking he will cancel the trip if not all of the honorary lightwoods join as well. But honestly, I'm not sure he's joking any longer."

"Honorary Lightwoods?"

"He adopted y'all the moment you steeped a foot into our house. You know that." Thomas's voice sounded almost longing. He added, with a good laugh, "I think he favors you over his own children."

Alastair didn't know why he had to be this way, but it caught him off guard. It made a weird pang in his heart to think Gideon Lightwood would consider him his son. Even more so, when he knew his own father would prefer to engage in a foreign bar than to eat with him. Alastair's throat felt thick all of a sudden, and it was hard to breathe. He made a shaky inhale, as soft and thin as paper. Thomas captured that, of course.

"Baby," Thomas whispered. He acted cautiously, like he was afraid to scare Alastair away. 

"No," Alastair chocked out. He hid his face in his elbow, struggling to take another breath. "Nope."

It was silent for at least a minute before Thomas piped out, "Alastair joon."

Abruptly, Alastair lifted his head and turned to his boyfriend, a spike of anger ignited."I should be stronger," Alastair burst out, heat in his words, like flames. "It shouldn't - why does it affect me like this? This isn't - nothing has happened, so why-" he cut himself off, watching Thomas's countenance. He was the epitome of calm, deep understanding eyes and soft around the corners. His lips were pressed, and he was utterly handsome. Ridiculous. 

Thomas swooped him into a hug, and Alastair didn't accept it. He fought to break loose and jumped on his feet. Raving fear and outrage and agony all mixed together on the tip of his tongue. He felt angry at himself for reacting this way, at Thomas for having such a perfect family, at the world because there was no one to blame for his situation. "A few months ago I still searched for my father in pubs to return him home safely. Now I look for my father from the other side of the courtroom and watch him try to take away my sibling. And my mother - she wouldn't admit it but I know she's stressed. She probably can't even sleep at night without my ass of a father to haunt her! And Charles wouldn't even realize he's in the wrong, because as always, it's just my fault it all broke apart. Mine. Mine alone."

"And Charles is still a jerk, and Mâmân is still unwell, and my goddam father is the worst father of the year," Alastair gritted his teeth. "And I feel so useless. Utterly useless.  because I can't do anything about it. The court will prefer my father's white ass to my brown skin. They would think he's a better fit to take care of the child, even it's crystal clear he isn't. He wasn't for us, he will never be. And this poor child - it deserves a real family. And my drunken father is nothing of what it deserves. So how can he try to get custody over it, Thomas? How can they let him? " 

"Alastair," his name sang on his boyfriend's tongue was like thick syrup. "You are not useless."

The shorter man flashed at him with a growl. "I couldn't help my father with his problem. I can't help my mom in court. I can't even be a good sibling to Cordelia, so how could I be a good one to the baby-?"

He was shuddering, he perceived, even though the night wasn't very cold. Was he sobbing? he couldn't tell. It was like he felt everything detached from afar. He felt bulky arms close around him, and he didn't protest this time. He tried to catch his breath, albeit it kept escaping him.

"None of this is your fault, Azizam. Life can be unfair to fair people. But you mustn't question yourself because of it." Thomas grazed a big, warm hand on Alastair's cheek, sweeping his tears. "And your love is so profound, it can build bridges. It's so selfless and raw and pure, can't you see it? It's all your heart, all of you, aching because you want those you love to be well. And they will be well, Alastair. They can move mountains because it's you on their side. They are lucky to have you." His voice lowered to a whisper.

"This is just too much," Alastair shook his head. "I just- want to be out of my racing mind. I want some quiet."

Thomas gave him a sad look. "I can't tell you it will pass soon. But you're not alone, Alastair. You have many people to hold you when you feel you're about to fall. All you have to do is look."

They set there in their hideout, and Thomas leaned in and left a gentle kiss on Alastair's lips. A promise.

Alastair tilted his head and closed his eyes. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"If anything, it's the opposite. You're spectacular," Thomas leaned in again, so their foreheads and noses touch. It startled a bubbled giggle out of Alastair, and Thomas smirked. He repeated it again and again and again. Until Alastair started to believe his words.

[bqstqnbruin]

I hate it when you stare

Wow here I am with another part, another fic. Ignooooree my typooos. Is this more soft smut? No one told me last time if what I wrote counts so uhhhhhhh

Read the whole series:  I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair // I hate the way you drive my car // I hate it when you stare // I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind // I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme // I hate the way you’re always right // I hate it when you lie // I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry // I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call // But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

I really do have work to do for my class at 2:30 tomorrow but instead I finished this, so I hope you like this!

_______________________

“How is it bullshit? Everyone can tell that we’re in love with each other.”

“So, what, because other people believe it, that automatically means it’s true?”

--------------

Evelina was visiting home for the weekend for her mom’s birthday, which meant that you had the apartment to yourself. From Friday after work until Sunday night, you were free to do whatever you wanted by yourself. Or, you thought you were going to be doing whatever you wanted until your boss texted you saying that he wanted your project finished by Monday so you could present it that afternoon. That meant you were posted up on the couch, your hair tied in a bun on top of your head, a mug full of coffee, another of tea, and a cup with water all in front of you, the blanket normally on the back of your couch now draped over your shoulders. It was a full call to the hungover days you had back in undergrad when you woke up late and were struggling to finish the work you had due the next morning.

“It’s me!” you hear a familiar voice call from the door, snapping you out of what might have been the first and only roll you had been on working on the project.

You look up to see Matthew coming over the couch, plastic bags in hand to plop down on the table. “Remind me to change the locks.”

“That would mean you have to get up to let me in, though,” he sends a wink in your direction.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him, even though you felt butterflies throughout your entire body at the sight of him looking so comfortable next to you. It was just because he’s a guy, not because it’s Matthew. You let out a quiet sigh as he fiddles with the remote to your TV. “Who says I wouldn’t leave you in the hallway? Plus, I thought you were supposed to have practice today?” you ask, trying to focus more on your project than on him.

“We’re done, and we don’t have a game for three days for once, so we’re resting up. I figured, why not come see my favorite girl?” he says, resting his hand on your shin once your drape your legs over his lap. 

“Because Taryn is in St. Louis so you settled for me instead?”

He scoffs, slowly running his hand up and down your bare leg while his eyes fixate on the television screen. He had to be able to feel the goosebumps that he was causing with his touch. “Fine, my favorite girl in Calgary unless Taryn is visiting, are you happy?”

“Am I ever happy when I’m around you?” you tease, lifting only your eyes from your screen to look at him. Still staring at the TV, you can see the smile on his face, but it almost looks like his jaw is clenching, like he’s fighting saying something back.

“And how could I not be happy around you when you treat me like that?” Your eyes linger for a second on his smile before scanning the rest of his body. Even under the long-sleeved dry fit shirt he was wearing, you could see the outline of the muscles that graced his abdomen. His arms looked like they were begging to rip the seam of the shirt, and you wanted nothing more than to take it off of him and just let them free. “Do you like what you see, babe?” you hear him say, snapping you out of the thoughts you were convincing yourself meant nothing as he was looking at you out of the corner of his eye. 

“I’m trying to picture you as a more attractive guy,” you lie, “It would be so nice if Elias were here, wouldn’t it?” 

“If you’re implying that you want a threesome, then I don’t think I could do it with a teammate,” he laughs, his fingers tightening around your shin. Would Elias be better than Matthew? Any guy would be better than Matthew, you tell yourself. He’s your best friend, and nothing more. 

“What have I said about being crude?” you ask him, fixating your eyes on the way he’s biting his bottom lip. “I think I’m gonna go get my headphones so I can do this project.” You bolt from the living room to your bedroom, leaving Matthew there by himself while you search for your phone in a panic. 

“Hey, is everything ok?” Evelina says on the other end of the phone call as you try to search for your AirPods in the mess that was your room.

“No, Matthew is here.”

“And that’s bad because?” she asks, drawing out her last word.

Groaning, you drop your phone on your desk, prompting Matthew to call to you asking if you were ok. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Turning back to Evelina, clearly in a panic that she could hear in your voice, “Matthew is here and I think I’m horny.”

“You’re always horny for him because you’re in love with him.”

“I’m not in love with him and I’m honry because I haven’t been touched by a man in like, three months. It’s starvation.”

You hear her groan on the other end, her parents voices in the background. “Hold on, I need to go into another room,” she says. “Ok, so you really told me two days when you got home that you and Matthew nearly fucked in public  in the liquor store. You have been touched by a man. He was also practically feeling you up at the bar a week ago, might I remind you.” 

“I don’t love him,” you say, unprompted, “And he never even kissed me.”

“Says that hickey that you somehow didn’t notice he gave you?” she says, you turning to your mirror to touch the mark she was talking about. You honestly didn’t know it was there until she said something to you when you walked in the door. “If you don’t love him, why don’t you just tell him to leave?”

“I want company and he’s the only thing I have when you aren’t here. Really, this is all your fault.”

“That was so sweet until you blamed me. If you don’t want him to leave then what’s the problem?”

“Horny,” you say at the same time. “Either do something about it or control yourself, babe, but I’ve gotta go. Miss you, love you,” she says, hanging up when you finally find your AirPods.

Pulling up your playlist so it’s already playing when you get to Matthew, you don’t even look at him as you take your computer back in your lap and throw your legs in his. You can feel his eyes tracing the outline of your body even under the baggy sweatshirt you had on from a college you never went to. 

You had worked for what was probably a solid half hour, Matthew mindlessly rubbing his hand on your leg like he did before, you needing to do everything in your power to stop from thinking about and wanting more. You were interrupted by Matthew reaching over and tugging on the hem of your shorts. “Are you really listening to Christmas music right now?”

“Is it that loud?” you ask, turning the volume down immediately.

“No, I can read your lips. You were mouthing ‘Feliz Navidad,’ and ‘Sleigh Ride.’”

“Oh, then, yes,” your cheeks flushed with embarrassment that you didn’t even realize you were doing that. 

“It’s March, babe.”

“Ok, but Christmas music is fine year round.”

“No?” he questions.

“So I’m going to tell you why you’re wrong,” you start, moving your computer to the table so you don’t drop it, provoking a laugh to escape from his lips, “While I don’t agree with all things in Catholic and the broader Christian doctrine, there are things I can agree with basically because they are up for interpretation, so I interpret them in the way I like. Take, for example, the ninth commandment: love thy neighbor. Some people take it as a literal ‘love thy neighbor’ as in ‘be a good neighbor,’ to the ones who live next door, but I think it’s a matter of caring for those around you, neighbor not being the person immediately next to you wherever you live, but just other people in general.”

“What is your point?” he asks, a devilish grin spread across his face.

“My point is that the Bible, which is the end all be all of Catholic doctrine according to some people, is up for interpretation and people use it the way that benefits them, no matter how wrong they normally are. In Hebrews 13:15, it says, “Through him let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name,” thereby, justifying and promoting listening to Christmas music year round. It praises Jesus, who is one of the persons that make up God, and doing year round is continuous.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“Hey, if people can be assholes and use a 2,000 year old book to try to wrongly justify their bigotry and homophobia, why can’t I use it to rightly justify my listening to christmas music all year?”

“Are you Catholic?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn about it and keep the things that I like with me. I’m not Jesuit but I follow their ideals like ‘care for the whole person’ and ‘be a man or woman with and for other.’ And Evelina’s parents are very religious, so we kind of put up a front whenever they visit to please them. They still think we go to Mass every Sunday.” 

“Is that why there’s sometimes a crucifix by the door?” he asks, you nodding along. “And that weird Jesus magnet where he has a chefs hat and it says ‘fish and bread are served’ underneath him?”

“Yeah, I think her dad superglued that to the fridge because no matter how many times we’ve tried to get it off it won’t budge. Plus it’s a reference to another Bible passage.” 

“I went to a Catholic high school, remember? I already knew that.” You can’t help but return the smile he was sending your way, this time your eyes flicking down to his lips, you unsure if his were doing the same. You snap out of it, biting your lip and making eye contact with Matthew, both of you breathing slightly unevenly at just thinking about what you could do with each other. Was Evelina right that you two loved each other?

No, she couldn’t be right, because you didn’t love him. You pick your computer back up to get back to work, not saying another word as Matthew turned back to the TV. You hit a deadend, finding yourself back to staring at Matthew’s perfect face while his eyes narrowed and a small smirk formed on his lips at something funny on whatever movie or show he was watching. 

“Ugh, fuck,” you groan, Matthew’s head snapping to your direction as you cover your face with your hands. “I don’t want to do this anymore.” 

He reaches over and pulls your hands from your face, intertwining his fingers in yours. “Take a break, I brought food for us.” 

“You didn’t cook it yourself, did you?” you ask. The last time he had made food for you, you were sick for a week from what you’re sure was food poisoning from something being undercooked.

He laughs, the pad of his thumb rubbing your palms. You could feel your breathing get shallow by this, trying to ignore it while he’s talking to you. “No, I got it from the store down the road, already made. Mac and Cheese!” he says, pulling it out of the bag.

You roll your eyes at his stupidity. “Matthew, we’ve been sitting here for over two hours, why would you leave that on the table instead of in the fridge?”

“It’s still warm!” he argues, opening it, “Oh and it smells so bad.” You burst out laughing as he cringes, closing it immediately. “I’ll order something else.” 

You get up to go throw out the now rancid mac and cheese in the kitchen. “Hey, where do you want to order from?” you hear Matthew call, walking into the kitchen behind you.

The list. 

It’s on the fridge.

Practically throwing yourself at it to try to tear it down in time, you rip it off the fridge and fold it up in your hand just in time for Matthew to come in. “Are you ok?” he asks you, noticing your slightly faster breathing and your hands behind your back.

“Yeah, the smell was just bad,” you lie to him, shoving the list in the band of your shorts. “And I was looking at the Jesus magnet.” 

“That thing is so creepy,” he says, both of you looking at it. Knowing Matthew, you try as discreetly as possible to move the paper to your front so he can’t feel it as he inevitably presses his front to your back, his arms draping over your shoulders. Without thinking, you reach up to touch his hands as he rests his head on yours. “It’s way too white to be Jesus.”

His arms move their way down your body, settling around your waist as he starts to nibble at your ear. “God, you are so sexy,” you hear him let out.

“You’re awfully handsy lately, aren’t you Matty?”

“Oh come on,” he says, turning you around to face him, practically pinning you against the fridge, “You know we’re always like this with each other.” 

You smile at him, cupping his face in your hands as you run the pads of your thumbs along his cheeks. “We have a weird...” you start, trying to figure out the right word to describe whatever it was you had with him, “friendship,” you settle on, not exactly liking the word yourself as your tried to hide the cringe you were sure was appearing on your face. 

He swallows hard at that word. Even relationship would have been better, even if it were more broad than ‘friendship.’ At least it wasn’t such a narrow word. It felt like even if you didn’t finish the list you didn’t know he knew about, you would never see him as more than a friend. “Well, that’s what makes it my favorite friendship.” 

The two of you stand there for a minute, holding each other and gazing into the others eyes. You could feel your breathing slow down studying Matthew’s facial features again, thinking only of how perfect they looked to you in that moment. “We should figure out where we’re getting food from,” you say, dragging your hands down his chest before dropping him all together. 

He could have stared at you like that forever. He really couldn’t think of anyone more perfect than you, anyone he would want to look at besides you. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks, moving over to the counter. Opening your fridge, you remember you still have the list folded in the band of your shorts, throwing it in before grabbing some water out. “What did you just throw in there?” Matthew asked you, having watched your every move.

“Uh, Evelina and I have this weird list that we’re putting together, it didn’t feel right to have Jesus looking over it all of a sudden,” you tell him, “But now that you had mac and cheese on my mind, I kind of want that.”

“Oh, no, you’re not changing the subject that easily,” he says, trying to reach around you to open the fridge. 

“No, come on, it’s mostly Evelina’s and I don’t know if she would want you seeing it,” you lie, batting your eyes at him and trying to contort your face to make it look like you would cry if he tried anything else. He couldn’t see the list of things you hate about it. He couldn’t find out about it. 

He sighs, knowing he wasn’t going to win this one. “I ordered you mac and cheese but I’ll pay for it if you tell me the subject of the list?” he tries to bargain. 

“Uh, it’s a list of kinks,” you lie, not knowing what else to say, and usure why that was the first thing that came to mind.

His eyes go wide, pretending to be shocked. It was the list of ten things you hate about him. It had to be. He grins anyway, trying to hide the pain he felt knowing that the list was already started, and probably nearly finished at this point, “Are any of them your kinks?” 

“Yeah,” you start to lie to him again, a grin on your face, “One of them says, ‘When Matthew leaves me alone.’”

He scrunches up his face, pretending to be hurt by your comment as he walks back to your living room. “Oh you know just how to break my heart, pretty girl.” You follow him, plopping down next to him on your couch. 

You pick up your computer, snuggling into his shoulder as he wraps his arm around you. “I have no desire to do this project.” 

“Why don’t we watch something on TV then and you can work again after we eat?” he suggests. You nod, putting the computer back down, surrendering to his pout. You feel him kiss the top of your head, scrolling through the channels. “What about Lilo and Stitch?” he asks when he finds it on one of the channels. 

“Ugh, I love this movie, but the American treatment of Hawaiians is awful, and I just can’t help but think about it every time I watch,” you say, thinking you were being annoying. “Sorry,” you apologize. Evelina was used to your rants, even if you were sure she normally tuned them out. You didn’t think Matthew wanted to listen to another rant from you. 

“Don’t get me started?” he asks, referring to the game you and the guys played at the bar.

“Don’t get me started on the American colonization of Hawaii. The Cookes’ went to Hawaii and pretty much obliterated the royal bloodline. The king of Hawaii had the Cookes build boarding schools for the royal children, with good intentions that they would be able to educate his children on royal customs to effectively rule their land. Instead, the Cookes took the Hawaiian customs and told them they were wrong, imparting their own customs on them, instead. They wanted he land for America, they wanted to eliminate the Hawaiian culture and make them as American as possible,” you say. “The Hawaiian people were a very sex positive people, but oh no, American Catholic education and their ‘no sex is the safest sex’ ideal stopped the children from living the lives they grew up expected to live. If a boy was found in a girls room doing anything in these boarding schools, they would beat the children as punishment, and probably other things that weren't even recorded. There are actually a decent number of Wikipedia pages that have had this information erased, like when you go back into the edit history. The sources, as they claimed, weren’t valid, but in reality they weren’t the Cookes’ American-centric description of these schools. They even went so far as introducing sports into the schools as ‘an antidote to the worst evil of all: sexual promiscuity,’” you comment, drawing a laugh from Matthew. “Because we all know how much athletes hate sex, right?” 

You look up at Matthew, him beaming down at you as Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride starts ironically playing in the background, “Yeah, we hate that,” he whispers. You swallow hard, trying to ignore any feelings that might be coming up at the sight of Matthew biting his bottom lip. 

“American’s always just insert themselves where they don’t belong,” you finish, settling your head back onto his shoulder as he pulls you closer to him. 

“Why do you know all of this?” he asks.

You shrug, not really sure how to answer, “I don’t know. When I’m doing work I see one word and it sends my mind into this never ending tangent and I end up looking up stuff online and reading for hours.” 

“You really are the smartest person I know,” he says with a sigh, “Why hasn’t Ev told her parents about hiding the Catholic stuff until they come?” 

You shrug, “I don’t know. I never asked, she just told me it was something she needed to do, so I did it with her. That’s her own cross to bear,” you say, taking a minute to realize the really bad pun you just made. “Ah! See what I did there!” you practically yell, Matthew groaning.

“On that note, I think I need to leave,” he jokes, getting up off the couch.

“Oh, come on, no!” you beg, taking him by the hand and trying to drag him back down to the couch. “I don’t want you to leave,” you let out as he pulls you off the couch. 

“Really?” he asks you, sitting back down on the couch, your hands still connected.

Standing over him you nod as he pulls you into his lap, straddling him. He pulls you as close to him as you can, your hands wrapped around the back of his neck. Your mind flashes back to the liquor store, the feeling that came over you as he worked his way along your body like you had a feeling he was about to do again. 

“Come on Matthew, you know this isn’t something we do,” you tease, even though you can’t help but look at his lips, the urge to kiss him creeping up on you as you tried desperately to suppress it. If any guy had taken you into his lap like Matthew just did, you would want to do the same thing. You were just desperate for a man, not desperate for Matthew. 

“We can’t do anything?” he teases, going for your neck again. You let out a moan, praying that he doesn’t leave any more marks that you’ll have to cover up later. 

“Wait,” you say to him, pulling him off of you. He looks slightly upset, not sure what to do next. ‘Ah, fuck it,’ you think to yourself, pulling his shirt off over his head, tossing it to the side and returning the favor of the hickey he gave you. You suck on his skin, listening to the moans that escaped from his lips this time, feeling him grow hard the longer you were at it. He clenches his hands on your butt, pulling you even closer to him. You work your way up his neck and to his jaw, his grip getting tighter the closer you were to his lips. You had no idea what was coming over you and causing you to want to do this, but nothing in that moment felt better. Nothing in your life had ever felt better as you kissed his face the way he did to you the other day, hearing him moan more and more with every connection you made. 

Your lips are millimeters from his, both of you practically begging the other for connection when you’re startled by the sound of Matthew’s phone ringing. You both laugh, foreheads pressed together. One more second and it would have happened. “I think that means our food is here.” 

“Perfect fucking timing,” he mutters, not loud enough for you to hear as you get up to go grab the food. He couldn’t believe you just did that. He checks his neck in his phone camera, seeing it littered with the red marks you had left for him. He reaches up to touch them, smiling for some reason. There’s no way this list would work against him, would it? 

You come back, him practically throwing his phone so you don’t see what he’s doing, settling down on the couch with each other eating the food. Your mind starts racing with thoughts about what just happened. There was no way you really wanted that, did you? Well, you wanted a man’s touch, but it didn’t necessarily have to be Matthew. It could be any guy. 

‘I have another thing for the list,’ you text Evelina, your eyes moving between your phone screen and his hands holding his food, careful not to look up at his face.

‘Good, god, what?’

‘I hate the way he stares,’ you send her, finally looking up, not taking your eyes off Matthew as the two of you can’t help but stare at each other.

[jake-marshall]

TGAAC: Adventures thoughts

So I finished game 1 last Saturday, and took a brief break from continuing so I could write a fic centered around it (won’t mention what character because ~Spoilers~), and will now continue on to game 2 starting today (albeit, I did start a little of game 2 last week but was so burned out from having marathoned Case 5, I didn’t really vibe with it so I’ll probably just start over).  Here are my, as well as my wife @morpheusdreamt ‘s (who watched parts with me) thoughts on the DGS/TGAAC 1, under the cut.  LOTS OF SPOILERS INCLUDED!  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

The Adventure of the Great Departure - discounting the fact that it’s the first case and therefore also a super-hand-holdy tutorial, I felt this was one of the stronger first cases in the whole series.  I really enjoyed Jezaill and Hosonaga, and just Kazuma and Ryuunosuke’s dynamic as a whole, even though I knew what was coming.  My complaint about this case was that it felt way too long for a first case - which, I mean, I get in hindsight because of needing to include the right amount of development between Kazuma and Ryuunosuke to make Kazuma’s death effective and to make it more believable that Ryuunosuke takes over as the main lawyer.   But also, it wasn’t satisfying to out Jezaill as the murder (even though I know she has a role in the second game) and then come to find out she probably won’t be punished for it. This lack of satisfaction became a sort of prevailing theme for me throughout the game. The Adventure of the Unbreakable Speckled Band - again, another tutorial case that felt way too long.  I’m pretty sure I was drinking the whole time I played this case, with Sholmes being the one to drive me to do it.  As with the first case, the characters stood out for me way more than the case itself. My favorite part of this was watching the bond form between Ryuunosuke and Susato.  As much as I also like Nikolina, I found this case overall to be fairly forgettable. The Adventure of the Runaway Room  - first of all, I haven’t replayed this since completing the game (and therefor completing case 5) but I feel it’s almost necessary to do so to fully grasp this case?  Which is, after having completed the game, something I really like about this case in particular.   I thought McGilded was a fantastic character (and not just because of his resemblence to Handsome Jack :p), and I knew we’d meet Gina and Van Zieks in this case, but I was still thrilled to have it happen.   Upon first playthrough, this case was like the others, extremely frustrating in the sense that I wasn’t really getting anywhere?  That the plot wasn’t going anywhere?  I mean, at least for me, I really had no clue as to how involved McGilded was in Mr. Mason’s death, so kudos to the writers in keeping me guessing.   Overall, this felt like a filler case until you get to the end and realize, oh shit.  It’s not, is it?  And then I wished I would’ve paid more attention to some details, so it’s definitely worth a replay. The Adventure of the Clouded Kokoro - But no, this is the filler case!  And I know some of the characters show up in the 2nd game, but oof.  There was very little I enjoyed about this case on an individual level, and I’m not one to get super salty about ~this is problematic~ but the consistent inclusion of joking about domestic violence made me uncomfortable.   Soseki was a fun character, but the Garridebs and Beates felt over-the-top, and, again, the fact that the attack was actually an accident just made this case feel like, ??? It made me wary of starting the 5th case.  I felt, there’s nowhere I’m going to come away from the game liking it more than “just alright”. The Adventure of the Unspeakable Story -  Let me start by just saying that this is one of my favorite cases in the entire series. So the only things I knew about this case going in was that Gina was the defendant and that Ashley was the killer, but I didn’t know anything regarding motive or his background, or Gina’s whole ordeal with McGilded. Both of their arcs spoke me to quite profoundly.  I thought Gina’s development and her fears and insecurities surrounding trust were so relateable, her self-loathing and resignation to never having anything in life go her way just because of her class.  Of her needing to look out for herself because no one else will, at least not without wanting anything in return.   Like dude, I was crying when she finally accepted Ryuunosuke’s offer to defend her. I don’t really see it brought up (and maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough) about how heavily it contrasts with Ashley’s story, of them both coming from a poor background and both clearly suffering from abandonment issues and how it’s molded them and their perspective on the world and the people in it.  I thought Ashley was so compelling, even though he starts off as a sort of caricature (which I gather was the intention).   His absolute contempt towards McGilded (and clearly at himself, by the end) was so palpable for me, and left me thinking about him and the case for days after completing it. I liked too, that for as many AA cases where the killer will be like “I’m so much ~smarter than you~”, Ashley actually does a pretty good job of backing it up, that it’s more show than tell (his making the deal with Gregson and the fact that what broke most of his testimony was the Skulkins and not things he himself said)  as it tends to be the other way around. I still want to know what went down in the bus between his dad and McGilded.  I have this terrible feeling that Mason went there to tell McGilded to leave his son alone and that he wouldn’t sell the disk.  Which would make it all worse, lol but I’m fine with that. Unless Gina undergoes some sort of terrible devolvement in the 2nd game, I can safely say that she and Ashley have become Top 10 all time AA characters for me, and that’s saying something considering how long and how deeply I’ve loved my faves from the original games. Anyway, getting back on point to the actual games and not just meta on the characters, I liked the pace that Case 5 progressed at, and how it had some expected twists and turns (like Sholmes’s appearance) that weren’t made any less enjoyable by being predictable.  And I didn’t find it terribly difficult but it was still outrageously fun (minus the stereoscope mechanic which I know is just a fucky misfortune given the game was originally designed to incorporate 3DS functions, which are obsolete on the Switch).  I just thought that Case 5 felt like everything that was right in the original series, both gameplay wise and story/character wise. Despite the fact that it hangs on a massive cliffhanger -__-  But luckily i don’t have to wait two years to play the 2nd game, lol. Maybe my opinion of this game will change after I play the 2nd game, but overall my feelings are that it’s enjoyable enough and if you like Ace Attorney, and you’re more invested in the main characters/their development you’ll like it/probably even love it.  For me, the fifth case and it tying together with the third case, specifically the affects it had Ryuu, Van Zieks, and Gina makes the rest of the game worth playing, but the rest of the cases are not as individually satisfying as many of the other cases in the AA series.   I would still recommend this, however, based on how eager it’s made me to want to play the second game opposed to just feeling like I went through all that for nothing (which is sort of my experience when I replay AJ or DD now, not that I still don’t love them).

[chidoroki]

In Defense of TPN S2

Okay, so before y’all start throwing your salt shakers at me, let me explain. Yes, I’m just as upset and annoyed with how the second season decided to cut out so much content that us manga readers were finally hoping to see: no Yuugo, Goldy Pond arc or GP Resistance, Lucas or Glory Bell escapees, Adam, poachers, or Cuvitidala Search. Since this season also (sort of) reached the 2047 time skip, we were also denied of the Paradise Hideout, Jin, Hayato, Ayshe, the Seven Walls & Imperial Capital Battle arcs and Alex due to the anime’s so-called “original story” idea. While some manga events still took place (B06-32 getting blown up, the trio’s reunion, Norman’s time at Lambda, the cursed blood and the Grace Field raid), they were all significantly changed and barely held the same emotional impact, as we see very little to no build up to these moments. Several volumes were skipped completely and despite others being touched lightly, we unfortunately missed out on major character development for everyone, most notably for Emma, but also the lighter side of things such as chef Ray, medic Anna, Rossi learning morse code, Minerva!Norman, etc. There’s honestly so much of the main story to talk about and I totally understand why we’re all so ticked off, especially since that darn slideshow did absolutely nothing to calm our hearts at the end of ep11.

However.. I’m not gonna stand by and say this season was worthless. Highly disappointing given everything I just mentioned of course, I get it, so don’t curse me out just yet. People can trash talk it all they want and I’ll sympathize 110%, but I personally won’t do so. I love this series too much and that’s a huge reason as to why I didn’t drop this season. Usually whenever I start a new series, it’s because I become interested in a character or two. I find that no matter what happens in that series, whether the story intrigues me or not, I’ll continue it if only to see more of that character. If the story is good, it’s just another plus for me to stay addicted, so while this season totally missed their chance to adapt the wonderful source material of my favorite series, I stayed to watch Emma, Ray and all the other children I’ve grown to love over the past two years. Another reason why I stayed on this train wreck was because of how thought provoking it became as turned into yet another guessing game for me. After first watching the OP and even more after ep3 aired, I kept wondering what would they include or leave out. How would they handle this scene if this and that were already changed? How would they fix this problem if so and so isn’t here? It felt like I was watching season one blind all over again; seeing all these little clues sprinkled everywhere and yet not having any idea on how the story was going to continue or end got me excited. That’s why I came to love this story in the first place, so having the chance to feel that again alongside characters I love so dearly.. it was fun for me (until the slideshow punched me in the face). While many people will look at this season and declare the manga and first season are both superior (which they are, I agree), I’m still sitting over here like “oh look, more content!”

With all that nonsense out of the way, I thought I would go ahead and ramble about everything I believe the second season did well enough, because if I can take any heat off this adaptation then you’re damn right I’m gonna try. So if you’re wondering why on earth a manga reader even mildly enjoyed this season, it’s honestly just the little things such as a decently adapted or improved panel/scene, any new, interesting elements the anime may have included, or other personal favorite moments of mine.. which there were a lot of.

So no negativity past here kiddos, we’re gonna be as optimistic and lively as an orange antenna.

(mild manga spoiler warning, I guess? but I’m sure it’s nothing y’all haven’t heard us readers mention/complain about already)

- If you’ve read any of my reactions to this season, you would know how much love I have for “Identity.” Not only is the song still an absolute banger, but the opening sequence itself is fantastic. From the contrast between human vs demon, the cameos, the symbolism, the match cuts, the build up to the chorus.. just everything. I could talk about it endlessly and watch it several times over and still be impressed.

- Lani’s stupid fall.

- How clearly it shows Emma’s condition becoming progressively worse.

- Her scream.

- Ray’s apology, especially how soft his voice was when saying “sorry, Emma,” and the smile he gives after she tells him not to worry about it.

- And his entire promise to keep everyone in their family safe. Oh I was so happy to finally hear him say that.

- This exchange between Don and Gilda.

- Rossi and those darn faces he gives us. This boy is such a mood.

- How involved the younger kids were so they don’t feel like they were just.. there, which served as a reminder that everyone from Grace Field is smart, not just Emma and Ray.

- How pretty the demon forest looked at night when all those odd creatures started glowing (even those darn goowee).

- So happy with how this panel was adapted. That smirk of his is everything.

- The fact they remembered a small detail such as the bell.

- Knowing now that they cut so much out of the manga, I’m glad we at least got the hug.

- The ending sequence gave us a small look at Sonja and Mujika’s travels by themselves. “Magic” is also so very calming to listen to.

- How the children hug both Emma and Ray, as manga only had our girl receiving the hugs.

- Sonju & Mujika’s voice actors fit them perfectly.

- How impressed Ray was when he first tried their cooking. No wonder he was so eager to learn how to cook.

- Sonju’s story about the demon world from ch46-47 practically adapted word for word.

- While the manga also shows us how frighted the duo is upon learning they’re living in the worst case scenario, it’s seeing them and their hands physically shake that help push this scene a little bit more (not that you can tell this by a still frame but trust me).

- Their synchronized smirks and how well their excitement was not only animated but how genuine and real it sounds too. Emma’s laugh and the fact they made Ray of all people sound hopeful is fantastic.

- They kept the small Ray from this panel and made him better.

- I just love seeing him be optimistic.

- The entire scene when Emma & Ray are both scolded by the younger kids for acting so recklessly is perfect.

- They kept this tiny comment of Nat’s.

- Finally getting chef Ray and hearing how confident he is with his cooking skills already.

- Seeing other children like Dominic pick up archery and be surprisingly good at it.

- Anime pushed Emma’s quick learning ability further with archery by showing us how easily she could land a bullseye even after hitting something midair.

- How well they animated Emma’s first kill, from following the arrow as she pulls it back to when she releases it as it flies towards the bird’s eye.

- The fact that this scene and the next both used a water droplet to symbolize death just like we saw during season one with Conny and Norman’s shipments are so satisfying.

- The gupna scene and how well it emphasized Emma’s reaction to taking a life and how upset/bothered she was in doing so. The addition of a butterfly helps as well, as it’s another way this series tends to convey the idea of death. (you remember how many the OP had, right? tons.)

- I only just noticed that Ray is seen looking at a similar butterfly in the following scene as well.

- The anime doing this panel justice. Ep2 is probably the episode that follows the manga the closest and did real well in regards to that.

- Ray beating Sonju at chess.

- Chris knowing exactly which way to go without using the compass, which makes sense as he was seen mapping out the surrounding area in the previous episode.

- The kid’s adorable little freak out.-

- Giving us a better idea on how large the reference room of the B06-32 shelter truly is.

- Finally being able to hear our boy Nat play the piano. The fact that his first song is named “Nat King Cool” as a possible reference to Nat King Cole is also great.

- Rossi being an accurate representation of the manga readers while watching this episode.

- Chris being his cute self.

- Seeing Ray’s sleeping face after the manga denied us so many times by hiding it.

- It’s.. close enough. We love our chef.

- I love the idea that Nat plays a couple songs before everyone goes to sleep. That’s so precious.

- SHE!! With her hair down!

- Rossi teasing Don and the fact that just mentioning Gilda is enough to scare him.

- It remembered that Gilda has a tendency to count all the children.

- The level of confidence Isabella has in her kids.

- Ray being oh so close to shooting a human with an arrow.

- This hug.

- Chris leading the group through the underground tunnels, which he also does in manga but we learn earlier in this ep it’s due to all the time he’s played down here.

- Because of his extensive knowledge of the shelter’s layout, Chris also guides everyone to one of the secret entrances to escape after he realizes the intruders are only stationed at the main two.

- Ray’s first demon kill is smooth as hell.

- Curse this scene for being so dark because that damn smile Isabella gives us is amazing.

- Since Andrew was cut, Chris and Dominic survive the aftermath of the shelter’s destruction without any injuries.

- Although we weren’t expecting to see their older 2047 selves this soon, they look good okay?

- The emotion in her voice throughout this entire scene (probably the closest we were ever gonna get to Emma doubting herself in ch109/114 too).

- Please just let me enjoy this moment when Ray noticed her negative thoughts and stepped in to help just as I expected.

- Vylk and that goofy smile of his.

- Watching the duo communicate without words during the chase through the demon town.

- Our girl clearing this jump effortlessly.

- Norman’s squishy cheeks.

- Ray’s slap could’ve been better, I know, but at this point I’m happy they still included it.

- The fact we can see Ray’s face during the reunion hug this time.

- And this hug.

- Remembering the small panel of Ray noticing Emma’s bluff.

- Finally hearing this conversation because both voice actors do a wonderful job with it and thankfully the dialogue is on par with the manga as well. Also that one moment when the shadow falls across Emma’s face like that.

- Gilda comforting Alicia after her nightmare.

- The scene is very dear to me so of course I appreciate every little panel we can get.

- How carefree Ray sounded with his “Nopes.”

- How I only realized just now that this panel was also adapted.

- Okay so who’s brilliant idea was it to have the sun rise towards the end of this conversation as Ray helps Emma regain her confidence? I just wanna personally thank them because it was a genius move and I’ll treasure it forever.

- They kept Barbara’s slip-up.

- Like our demon friends, I think the Lambda crew’s voices fit them rather well, although Zazie’s was totally unexpected, like dude you’re 5, why is your voice so low?

- Another “it could’ve been better but at least they included it” moment.

- Vincent’s smile here cracks me up and I don’t know why.

- Barbara’s anger.

- The short snippet we get of the ch126 conversation when the duo was visiting Chris.

- The table from Barbara’s outrage was never magically fixed like it was in manga, so we get this nice shot of Norman reflected in the broken surface.

- The trio’s conversation about the royals and cursed blood follows manga relatively well.

- Anime did this panel better, I’m sorry. Thank you for showing my girl getting angry.

- This frame of Ray.

- This comment of Norman’s that made me wanna slap him.

- How Norman’s face is constantly in the shadows during this scene, which is something his office at the Paradise hideout probably wouldn’t have given us, so hurray for this location instead.

- How he and Emma bicker over how many days their deal should last.

- When the camera shifts in and out of focus during Barbara’s seizure.

- How this scene hid Norman’s face until they revealed the demon the crew killed.

- It really is the small details that make me happy.

- This smile of Don’s.

- I’ll take all the hugs I can get.

- Emma and Gilda’s little headbutt.

- Why does my boy look so grown up and handsome here? Hello??

- I suppose I have to give credit for Peter’s voice actor too hm?

- Actually making Smee a bit more relevant.

- Since the fight against Legravalima was cut, this shot of Zazie is the closest we’re gonna get to seeing him without his paper bag, but it does improve on that one panel of him at the start of ch153.

- Seeing more of Norman’s time at Lambda as well as the aftermath of the explosion.

- While this scene pales in comparison to its manga counterpart, having the sun set behind him while Norman delivers his famous line was still a decent touch. It’s a nice contrast to the sunrise in ep6 and I enjoy it very much.

- Wild demons managing to somehow successful jump scare me not once, not twice, but three times in a single episode.

- Emma getting back up to protect her family despite her injury. (i mean, it’s no ch93 comeback but oh well)

- Ray getting in another decent shot at a demon.

- This face of his.

- Seeing just how quickly the drug causes the demons to degenerate and all the chaos it causes.

- Actually showing Norman attacking a demon rather than just saying he killed Yverk off panel in ch153.

- Hate me all you want but the anime did this panel better too.

- The ch153 discussion is more or less the same but the fact they added in Norman looking to Ray for help and just having him snap back instead was priceless.

- Sonju’s grin.

- The scene when Norman stops Zazie’s attack may only last like five seconds but it’s wonderfully animated and I find myself replaying it countless times.

- How to make the manga readers and anime-onlys panic with just one sentence:

- Isabella being clever as ever by leaking false info into the radio the escapees have to lure them back to Grace Field.

- I just think Emma looks so mature and pretty here?

- Had Norman actually apologize to the demons.. or was just about to anyways.

- Demon Emma is precious and must be protected.

- The adorable mixup between both Emmas.

- I haven’t a clue on where or how the kids managed to gather all the supplies to create several hot air balloons and explosives.. but they did, somehow, and I’m impressed because I’m assuming that all happened within a day.

- Ma’am, could you be any more smug?

- Simon! And he ends up surviving!

- Having Sonju fight alongside the Lambda crew.

- Which reminds me that this is possible since the Imperial Capital battle didn’t happen (yet, in this timeline), so the three of them never received their injuries from Legravalima either.

- The smoke bombs, only because I remembered how Sonju used them back in ep1 while rescuing Ray so it’s nice to see them being used again.

- Showing Norman actually use a bow and arrow this time. He also hits his target on the first try through a smokescreen.

- Ray having enough strength to knock out two demons with a simple metal pipe. In ch169 he’s seen holding down a grown man so yeah, I can believe this as well.

- Having Jemima, Yvette, Rossi & Mark disguises themselves as shipments in order to rally up the other Grace Field kids. Mark’s face and the noise he makes upon seeing Naila again is also precious.

- Peter actually falling for Vincent’s trap.

- Getting one young child to listen to you is hard enough, but Emma manages to get about 183 of them (yes I counted, give or take the four who also disguised themselves) to follow her orders in no time flat.

- Phil helping with the plan to lead all the children to the elevator.

- It made me nervous upon seeing it but they made the Day & Night ceiling real pretty.

- I knew the reunion was coming and still cried.

- Take all my hell yeahs.

- I could listen to her say this on repeat and be overjoyed every single time.

- She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll point at gun in your face.

- Getting to witness someone shoot at Peter since no one did so in the manga? Wonderful. Having that person be Isabella who literally lands a perfect shot not even a full second after he pulls out that disc? Perfection.

- Mujika and Vylk bringing in hundreds of civilian demons as reinforcements.

- James!

- Those real quick shots of the ancestors because I had given up on thinking we would’ve seen them at all since the Seven Walls arc was skipped.

- I’m actually surprised they kept his death in and it’s as harsh as the manga.

- Ray confronting Isabella with the addition of this line.

- This panel being animated along with Emma’s thoughts from ch177 towards Isabella even though that chapter’s major event didn’t happen.

- I certainly can not forget about this hug.

- At least anime!Emma told the boys her plan before reaching the door, or didn’t keep it a total secret? If not then I’ll praise the boys for accepting her crazy idea regardless.

- Boy, do you know how much I love you and your smirks?

- SHE. STAYS. ALIVE!!!

- Vincent and Norman’s little fist bump.

- Different but close enough. Still cute though.

- The amount of emotions this one shot makes me feel is limitless. Catch me crying tears of joy over it for the rest of my life.

- Having Phil not only getting the chance to see a train but to ride one as well.

- This pretty shot of Gilda.

- As well as this beautiful one with Emma and Mujika.

- They gave us older Phil. Not sure how much older but he’s still adorable.

- Lastly, the goddamn soundtrack! Of course we heard a bunch of the songs from season one, but the new ones such as “The Evil-Blooded Girl” and the Arabic version of “Isabella’s Lullaby” are absolutely fantastic. I still have to listen to full soundtrack but from what little bit I heard of such songs such as “Nat King Ballade,” “Crisis,” “Norman’s Lament,” and “The Temple Ruins,” I’m sure every track is an absolute joy. I’m so happy we had Obata back for this season.

And that’s the end of it, I guess? Of course it’s not a perfect list, as the majority of it was just personal favorites of mine but oh well. (this is just as long as ray’s birthday post too, oh lord)

I’m not gonna be one of those manga readers who continuously nag people to go read the original source material, because that’s annoying and I understand that some people just might not be up for it. They might watch a series, take it all in and then move on to the next one. Others might want to find out about every little detail and invest more time into the story. It’s totally fine to enjoy a series your own way and you shouldn’t feel pressured to continue something you’re only mildly interested in or feel bad that you love something others might despise. Just do whatever makes you happy. If you wanna check out the manga and see why us readers love it to pieces, then I promise it’s worth it, especially if you enjoyed the anime or wish to see more of any character.. or the entire story. If the manga ain’t for you, then I hope the anime did something for you. It definitely could have been better though, I can’t argue with that.

Whether you’re anime-only or manga reader, can we all still hope for a remake? This season had more flaws than any amount of praise I could give, but if years down the line we get the FMA: Brotherhood or Hellsing: Ultimate treatment where the next anime adaptation follows the manga perfectly, you know I’ll be all for it. I’m too deep in this TPN hole and I’ll probably never leave.

[youeggbastard]

3, 9, 17, and 49 for Thea (or anyone you'd like 😊)

3. What does their safe space look like?

It’s kind of hard for Thea to feel completely safe anywhere since a large majority of her life has been spent surviving one catastrophe after another. She hides it well but she’s got moments of paranoia which only get worse during the events of me2 (lol thanks Cerberus). But I think she feels safest in tiny almost cramped places where she can see the entrance and the exit. The captains Cabin she gets after Normandy is upgradeud is pretty ideal, that is after she completely trashed the place literally minutes after being left alone, looking for cameras and microphones and anything Cerberus could be using to spy on her. Even then she still had a lot of trouble sleeping in that room at first and not just because of the nightmares. In a more abstract sense, her safe place is when she’s surrounded by people she trusts, it wasn’t until she recruited Tali and Garrus in me2 she was actually able to sleep at night because then she knew there were at least two people who weren’t Cerberus aboard the Normandy

9. What is your character's trigger point? What makes them angry, sad or makes them go off?

At the very start of ME1 Thea was already struggling with PTSD from Akuze and from Mindoir but she was dealing with it, the threat of Saren and the Geth were a nice distraction if nothing else. So for the most part she’s not easily set off, of course there were moments where she would tense up when people mentioned Akuze, sometimes she would end the conversation abruptly but she never lashed out. She was dealing. Then ME2 happens and I could do a whole essay on how BioWare dropped the ball when dealing with a sole survivor Shepard and Cerberus BUT I WONT (yet). Needless to say, Thea was not coping so well anymore. Not only did she die a horrible way and then come back to life but Cerberus, the same organization that got her entire unit killed on Akuze, was responsible for bringing her back to life. That experience in itself was triggering. She lashed out a lot, she pulled her gun out at Jacob when he told her they were Cerberus, she constantly got in fights with Miranda, not only that but she lashed out on people she cared about, like yelling at Liara when she found out that she had given her body to Cerberus, telling her that she should have let her die. Needless to say it wasn’t a good time, at her lowest she straight up cut into her skin with a knife to make sure she wasn’t just Cerberus issued tech underneath her skin before she realized what she was doing. And then it was one crisis to another when the reapers attacked Earth and the fate of the galaxy was on her shoulders, but hell at least she wasn’t being controlled by Cerberus anymore. I don’t know if I answered the question because I went off on a tangent but long story short dying, being resurrected by Cerberus, losing the one person she’s ever had feelings for, losing her crew, etc … classifies as a trigger point.

17. Who are they soft for? Do they find being soft easy or difficult?

There are a lot of people Thea is soft towards tbh, but it’s not easy for her. After everything she’s been through, it would be so easy to just be as cruel and unforgiving as the universe as been to her but she goes out of her way to remain kind and have relationships with people. Kaidan is probably the only exception, it’s never been hard for Thea to be soft with him, even when they weren’t exactly on the best of terms in me2

49. What is your character's biggest fear? Most irrational?

At this point Thea is probably been in a constant of fear that it loses it’s edge. What’s the worse that could happen? She dies? Been through that already. On a more serious note, she is legitimately terrified of thresher maws, and naturally they just keep appearing throughout the course of the game so it’s not even an irrational one. It was tough for her during Grunt’s loyalty mission and Priority: Tuchanka. And if she’s being honest she blacked out for most of it and doesn’t remember much. Whatever she did must have worked because they made it out alive.

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Can you do one where Mia gets a bad cold or something and you freak out and take her to the emergency room because Auston is away on a road trip or something but everything is obviously ok with her.

A/N: Yesssss of course, here you are my dear!

Word Count: 2k

The chances of you sleeping at all that night were slim to none.

Mia had come down with some sort of cold, and it was taking a lot out of her. What started as the sniffles just the day before, soon turned into a nasty cough and an all-around uncomfortableness that really showed.

Gone was your bubbly toddler who was so amazed by the world around her and replaced by a way less upbeat version of herself that refused to leave your side. Not like you wanted to be away from her either, though.

It wasn’t the first time Mia had gotten sick and surely wouldn’t be the last, but you weren’t expecting it to be as bad as it was. You felt terrible, but what made it even worse was how Auston knew nothing about his daughter’s state.

He was in New York for an away game against the Islanders and wasn’t expected to return home until the following day. When the two of you Facetimed earlier that afternoon, he witnessed just how clingy Mia was with you. She kept quiet, not being as chatty as she usually was with her dad while she leaned against your shoulder and cuddled her stuffed whale. Auston knew it was because she wasn’t feeling well, you made sure to tell him that, but because of how busy he was with having to go to practice and play hockey, you weren’t able to give him any updates on Mia’s condition. Which, unfortunately, had only gotten worse.

Whenever she coughed, you could tell it wasn’t comfortable with how she’d look at you with teary eyes before hiding her face in the crook of your neck. Your heart was breaking just watching her, so you immediately called your doctor for some guidance. When you called, the office was due to close in less than half an hour, and you knew there was no way you’d make it through Downtown Toronto traffic in time to get there. Calling was your best option at the time and did help temporarily.

Your doctor told you that honey should help with Mia’s cough and how it was safer than ordinary cough medicines for a child her age. After giving Mia some honey, she then said for you just to watch and see if your daughter got worse or developed any more symptoms. If she did, you were advised to take her to the hospital’s emergency room to get the proper care she may need. You absolutely hated the thought of a hospital trip being a possible outcome but still did as you were told and waited to see what would happen.

The honey helped. After giving it to Mia and explaining how it would help make her better, her cough became less aggressive and seemingly less painful, putting your daughter in a much better mood. She was still very clingy with you for the rest of the evening, which was fine because you knew she still didn’t feel great.

When it came to bedtime, she did not want to sleep in her room at all.

“No, mommy,” she pouted and clung on to you harder when you went to set her in her crib for the night.

“Oh, baby girl, you want to stay with me until you fall asleep?”

She nodded in response, and there was no way you could argue. You and Auston developed a bedtime routine for Mia that she had done really well sticking too. It was still a bit early for her to transition from a crib to an actual toddler bed. However, she had gotten used to going to bed in her own room at the same time each night without you or Auston being nearby until she fell asleep. However, this night was very different, and there was no way you were going to force her routine. So, you settled on taking her back downstairs to watch a Disney movie, knowing the songs would probably put her to sleep like they usually did, but even that didn’t happen.

Throughout the film, you would glance down at your daughter as she stayed curled up beside her and see how she was fighting to keep her eyes open. She was utterly exhausted, but whatever it was she was feeling kept her awake, and you hated it. Even Frank seemed to know something was up with how he laid on the couch near Mia and was always nearby wherever you took her.

As the movie came to an end, she looked up at you with sleepy eyes, and it felt like your heart shattered into a million pieces.

“My sweet girl, I’m sorry you’re not feeling good,” you said as you went to rub your hand through the mop of dark hair, she had grown but paused when your fingers brushed her forehead and felt how hot she was. “Oh, no.”

You were immediately standing up off the couch and carrying your daughter into the kitchen to grab the ear thermometer you knew resided in one of the drawers. Once you located it, you sat her on the counter and took her temperature. She didn’t fight, just sat there and rubbed at her eyes tiredly until the device beeped a moment later with the answer you were looking for.

“Oh no, no, no,” you whispered when you read the tiny 104F that flashed on the screen. “Crap, ok. Mia, we’re going to go see a doctor, alright?”

“Tired, mommy,” was all she said while cuddling into you again as soon as you picked her up.

“I know, baby, but we have to make sure you feel better soon.”

“Frank come?” She asked as you put on her coat and boots before setting her down briefly so you could put on your own.

“No honey, Frank has to stay here,” you replied and leant down to pet the Goldendoodle that waited nearby. “We’ll be back soon, buddy.” And with that, you picked Mia back up, grabbed your keys and wallet, and headed out the front door.

It wasn’t until you climbed into the driver’s seat of your car after buckling Mia into her car seat, that you realized how much of a hot mess you looked like. Your hair was in a messy bun, and the baggy hoodie of Auston’s that you stole did not match the track pants you wore, but you didn’t care. There were more important things to deal with, so after a quick text to your husband telling him to call you as soon as possible, you put the car in reverse, backed out of the driveway, and headed to the nearest emergency room.

It was around 11 p.m. that you finished talking with a nurse and finally received a call from Auston.

“Hey, is everything alright?” His voice sounded through your phone as soon as you answered. “I got your text, are you at home?”

“No, uh, we’re at the hospital,” you sniffled, trying to recompose yourself after all the crying you did while sitting in the waiting room with your sick daughter.

“Wait. What?”

“Mia got worse,” you explained. “Her cough went away for a bit, but it came back, and she now has a fever.”

“Fuck,” he whispered, and you could only imagine him stressfully pushing his hand through his hair like he always did in similar situations. “Is she ok? Have you talked with a doctor?”

“Not yet, just a nurse as she took us to a room. The doctor should be here soon. Mia is passed out in my arms right now, she couldn’t sleep earlier even though she was exhausted, and I feel awful because she’s going to get woken up again once the doctor comes in.”

“I see, so she’s not doing great, huh? And how are you, babe?”

“Not good,” you blubbered, feeling as though you were on the brink of tears again. “I’ve cried a bit tonight. I called your mom and sobbed, and she told me to stop thinking I was a terrible mother because I’m not. I swear she’s a mind reader sometimes.”

“You and me both,” he chuckled. “But she’s right. You need to stop beating yourself up over this.”

“But Aus-.”

“No, buts,” he cut you off. “You’re doing the best you can, babe. I wish I were there right now, but I know Mia is going to be perfectly ok with you watching out for her.”

At that, you smiled.

“She misses you,” you told him, not to make him feel bad for not being there, but to let him know how even in her sick state, Mia still very much so wanted her dad. “Was asking about you when we first got here.”

“God, I want to be there so I can give her the biggest hug.”

“I know, Auston, I’m giving her one for you. I promise.”

“Thank you,” he responded, before falling silent for a moment. “Do you mind if I stay on the phone until the doctor comes?”

“Not at all.”

The two of you caught up and talked about each other’s days. Auston told you all about the game you missed due to these unforeseen circumstances, and you shared the details of your exciting day at home with Mia and Frank. About ten minutes later, someone knocked on the door before it opened, and a woman popped her head inside.

“Hello, I’m here to check up on an Amelia Matthews,” she greeted as you stood up from your seat.

“Yes, this is her.”

“And you’re her mother?”

“I am.”

“Perfect,” she smiled while writing on her clipboard. “If you don’t mind, please bring her over to the examination table and we can see what’s bugging your little girl.”

You did as you were asked, and stood back to let the doctor do her job. However, after you set her down, Mia woke up and wasn’t long before reaching out towards you as she started crying.

Not missing a beat, Auston immediately ended the call before Facetiming just a second later to see his daughter. At the sight of her dad, Mia relaxed. The stress of waking up in a foreign place seemingly vanished as she sat there, leant against you listening to Auston speak.

As that unfolded, the doctor could retake Mia’s temperature and check everything else without interruption.  Once she was done, it was determined that Mia had the flu.

She then explained to you (and Auston, virtually) how the flu was common in toddlers and that Mia should be much better in 24-48 hours. You were given tips on how to treat the flu but were mainly advised to let your daughter rest. That’s all she’d be wanting to do for the next day or so anyway.

The doctor then told you that you had nothing to worry about, and how you did the right thing by taking Mia to see someone, before eventually leaving the room and saying you were good to go and that she’d contact your family doctor about what happened.

“Well, I guess it could have been a lot worse,” you said to Auston as you buckled Mia into her car seat again.

“I know, still sucks a lot, though.”

“You’re telling me, but at least we can go home to bed and not stress too much.”

“True,” he replied. “I can’t wait to give her all the cuddles once I’m back tomorrow.”

“I’m sure she’ll love that,” you stated. “Anyways, babe, I’m gonna have to let you go so I can drive back to the house.”

“Ok, sounds good. Call me as soon as you’re back, please.”

“I will. Love you.”

“And I love you,” he responded. “Bye, babe.”

After that, you hung up the phone and drove home. Once you put Mia to bed, you called Auston again, and he reminded you of how much he loved you, and that the two of you were doing fine as parents. You couldn’t help but agree, knowing that Mia was always going to be ok because you or Auston would make sure of it and not too much later, you were finally able to fall asleep without any more stress.

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

I’m sure you’ve answered this before, but why do you like “Night of the Living Pharmacists” so much? I don’t know your profile says you like me and it kinda freaks me out so just curious.

I actually haven’t answered this before, which is why when I saw this in my inbox, I stared at it for a few minutes and exit my browser because wow, where do I even begin with this one? This is going to be an unnecessarily long post, but because I am a kind and benevolent blogger, I’ll put a Keep Reading here so y’all don’t have to scroll through five years of excited rambling from yours truly.

Honestly, off the top of my head, I don’t really know why Night of the Living Pharmacists resonated with me. I just know that the first time I watched it, probably about 10 hours into a Phineas and Ferb binge on Disney+ because that’s basically my life at this point -- I was absolutely captivated from the beginning. I thought about it for a couple days, and I came up with a couple reasons.

First of all, I love Candace and Vanessa’s friendship. Candace goes Full Lesbian™ from the moment she sees Vanessa at the store until she realizes they’re actually surrounded by dumbasses. I love that she has no problem taking charge in the presence of these “cool older girls,” and even calls them out for kinda being idiots. And, to be honest, what’s better than Candace and Vanessa bonding over the fact that weird shit happens to them all the time while they’re dealing with even weirder shit? 

The other big thing I like is Perry’s part in all this. He’s basically in the background the whole time, but he’s arguably the most important player in the game.  I’m such a sucker for Perry protecting the boys (I’m looking at you, at2d), and seeing him standing on a rooftop with his binoculars, knowing damn well that the whole city is in danger but giving no fucks about anyone but his boys warms my heart every time. 

Part of the reason it took me a week to respond to this ask though is that I watch Phineas and Ferb on the treadmill everyday, and notlp was coming up in the rotation, so I figured I might as well watch it again before I answered this for a scene or two to reference in my answer, right? Except I realized as I was watching it that a lot of my favorite jokes in the series are in this episode, so, once again, welcome to gifapalooza!

I don’t even have a description for this like Buford hears that they’re making a rubberization ray and his first thought it...

Bonus: Phineas’s reaction

And then there’s Perry looking like he stepped straight out of club penguin

This might be my favorite trap? He’s a fucking disco ball? They’re doing the fucking disco? How can you not love it?

They have a pillowfight? Is this not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?

The songs are all really good but the “Who’s that Guy?” one and the “Lots of Me!” remix are my shit. Look how happy he is!

I just love how chill she is like I know this is fairly normal for a Doofenshmirtz but she’s like “huh, weird” and moves on with her life

Also, Stacy’s whole plotline is fucking hilarious but this part takes the cake

These dudes talking about how the whole zombie pharmacist thing doesn’t make any sense were funniest the first time but it feels like the whole joke goes on too long and it gets boring UNTIL the line “are you insinuating that my clothes are alive?” and that never fails to make me laugh

This might be my favorite joke in the whole thing just because of the cut from “LOTS OF ME” to “LESS OF ME” 

Perry’s face when Heinz says it’s his first time flying a helicopter has major Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz vibes and tbh I can’t blame him

Candace: ah shit zombies -_-

Perry, always two steps ahead:

I’m still bitter that the only times Phineas and Heinz get to bond over building are the Other-Dimensionator that kinda gets glossed over for the sake of the actual plot and this scene that happens during a musical montage but this part’s pretty good I’m not even gonna lie

Also I was too lazy to gif these ones but these are also funny:

“OW! THIS IS HOT! Did that just come out of the oven?” “Well, my hands are metal!”

“It’s a callback to something I didn’t even hear!! IN YOUR FACE, LOGIC!” (and the fact that he makes another callback to something he didn’t even hear later in the episode which makes it a callback to what he didn’t hear and a callback to this callback makes it even better)

“Was is worth the time it took to make the scale model?” 

Heinz calling the zombies “pharmacist freaks” after complaining for the millionth time that people assumed he was a pharmacist

Okay, you get the point. It’s a funny fucking episode. But I think what sets it apart from the rest of the show is it manages to stay really funny while also keeping the stakes really high, and I think that’s why it’s my favorite. And, to illustrate my point, here’s my absolute favorite part of the episode, and this one’s not one of the funny parts (except “I used to be Carl” that was funny but shhhh)

I think it’s pretty freaking obvious throughout the show that Perry is always two seconds away from strangling Monogram, and that OWCA pisses him off to no end. But it’s still his home. It’s been his home presumably his entire life -- since before the Flynn-Fletchers adopted him and everything. It’s been around since long before he was born, and you have to assume he’d always thought it would outlive him by centuries. If anything went wrong, OWCA would be there, no matter what. He just watched the downfall of his entire organization in the midst of a literal apocalypse.

But it gets worse. OWCA has withstood years and years of fighting evil and poor management. it was probably stronger than anything else. If OWCA couldn’t withstand the zombie apocalypse, what were the odds that Perry could? What were the odds that the kids could? He had to be petrified, and I’m sure anyone else would have given up, but he doesn’t. He sets out looking for Phineas and Ferb, determined to help them make it through this if it’s the last thing he does. 

[pxedpiper]

Horizon (3)

Plot Summary: Once a princess of a kingdom you loathed to call yours, you have somehow found yourself aboard a pirate ship, stuck on the ocean waves. Now you try to figure out how to escape them, but as you continue to journey with them, you find yourself wondering if you even want to.

Pairings: Ateez x Reader

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and sexual implications throughout the fic, nothing ever specified in detail

Previous / Masterlist / Next

A/N: My dumb ass realized too late that I never properly described the boys, so I tried to do so in this chapter. Basically, how I picture them is: Hongjoong: Illusion era, Seonghwa, San: Answer era, Yunho: Wave era, Yeosang: Pirate King era, Mingi, Wooyoung: Wonderland era, and Jongho: Say My Name era. Hopefully that came across properly dfghder

Just as quickly as the room fell silent, you could hear Sweet growl from the side of the room, making his way to Hongjoong as he pushed others out of the way.

“Just what game do you think you’re playing here?” He snarled, getting into the younger man’s face, “You’ve never shown any interest in owning a whore before, what makes you think I’m going to believe you suddenly changing your mind now?”

The famed pirate simply looked calmly at him, as though he couldn’t be bothered by Sweet’s comments, saying, “My reasons don’t and shouldn’t concern you. All that matters is that I can pay the amount necessary; I’m sure you don’t doubt that, do you?” Still glowering at him, Sweet couldn’t think of a response to counteract him. Hongjoong continued, “I’m a paying customer, and I have my rights to buy whatever or whoever I want. Unless you want to deny me, then I can’t be held responsible for what may happen.” At that, you could see Sweet swallow in nervousness, knowing if he were to start a fight here, it wouldn’t end well. He backed off, letting Hongjoong continue to the front, though very clearly unhappy with how things had turned out.

“W-Well, we have Kim Hongjoong currently at the highest bid, would anyone else like to try to top it?” The announcer continued, but it was pointless. No one wanted to go against the Pirate King. “Alright then, going once! Going twice! Sold, to the Pirate King!” Silently, you watched as your new owner made the proper payments, then looked to you as if to say Let’s go. Without a word, you followed him out the auction house, dreading every step you took closer to the ship he called home. As you walked, you saw a man with black hair who seemed to be waiting for him, looking at you with a confused expression.

“Hongjoong, what have you done this time?” The new man sighed, as if this were a common occurrence. Shockingly, you watched as the dreaded pirate laughed at his crew mate’s tone.

“Nothing bad! I just saw someone worth saving, that’s all!” He replied, a cheerful smile on his face. Saving? You thought to yourself, Is that what he thinks he’s done?

The other man just held his head in his hand, as if in disapproval, “This is why we can’t let you go out on your own. Every time you do, we end up with another crew member. Do you even know her name?” This made him pause, realizing he did, in fact, not know your name.

Turning to you, he gave you a sheepish smile, as if he weren’t threatening your kidnapper not even fifteen minutes ago, “Apologies, ma’am, but I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name?” You stared at him, not wanting to give him any sort of leverage against you, so you stayed quiet. While you weren’t fond of your father, the one thing he managed to be bothered to teach you was to be distrustful of pirates, especially the one known as the Pirate King, and so far, your time with pirates hadn’t exactly made you change your mind on the matter.

Coughing awkwardly, he tried to shrug off his jacket, starting to say, “Here, you probably would like something to cover you-!”

You cut him off before he could finish, pushing away from him, “I don’t want anything of yours, pirate!” At that, you could see the confusion of his eyes clear up before he let out a sigh.

“Of course,” he seemingly whispered to himself, “Why would she trust someone who just bought her?”

“You bought her?!” The other man nearly shouted, looking incredulously at his captain, who merely gave him a defensive look back.

“It was either that or cause a scene!” Hongjoong shot back, putting his hands up in defense, “Which one do you think would be worse?!”

“It’s no wonder she doesn’t trust you, she likely thinks she’s your slave!” He means to tell me I’m not? You thought to yourself, watching the madness continue. With that, the other man turned to you, a kind smile on his face, “I’m truly sorry about the lack of thoughtfulness from my captain. I am Seonghwa, his quartermaster. It’s nice to meet you, miss…?” If you were to be honest with yourself, you almost gave up then and there. Something about Seonghwa made you feel as though you could trust him, until you remembered that he was a pirate and that none of them were to be trusted at all.

“Sweet claimed she was a princess,” Hongjoong once again spoke up, “That was her selling point. It’s not a name, but it’ll do well enough as something to call her, right, Princess?” His expression didn’t change one bit at your icy glare, continuing to give you the same smile he had on his face.

“She’s a princess?” Seonghwa asked, looking naturally confused at the thought.

Hongjoong scoffed, “Of course not, Sweet may be ruthless, but even he isn’t so dumb as to attack a ship with royalty on board.” So, he didn’t believe you were a princess. Just as well, you thought, Otherwise I’d be held for ransom.

“Well what do we do with her? We can’t just make her work for us!” Seonghwa argued, making you even more confused as to why they seemed to care about your wellbeing.

Hongjoong shot back quickly, “Well, we can’t just leave her here either! Who knows what kind of scum she’d fall victim to if we were to leave her alone!” It seemed that was an argument that Seonghwa couldn’t counter, sighing to himself before he turned to you once again.

“I know this is a less than ideal situation for you, but I’m afraid there isn’t many options. If you go with us, we can both promise that you won’t be harmed, there won’t be a safer place for you. And if you want to, we’ll take you anywhere you want if you choose to leave. But if you stay here, we can’t guarantee you’ll be safe. I’m sure you’ve figured out what kind of town this is, correct? The choice is yours, of course.” Pirates and their damn choices! You cursed mentally, wanting nothing more than to be rid of all this trouble. But still, you sighed, knowing they both had a point. Port Royal was very well known for being one of the seediest towns in all the Caribbean, and the thought of staying there unprotected wasn’t one you wished to humor.

Swallowing your pride, you managed to answer, “Fine. I’ll go with you. But don’t expect me to act as some sort of slave of any kind towards you or your crew members!”

“What kind of person do you take me for, Princess?” Hongjoong rolled his eyes, almost as if he was offended, “Of course I wasn’t going to make you a slave! Give me some credit at least, I’m not one of those brutes you saw at the auction house. I promise you, as my title as Pirate King, you won’t be mistreated while on my ship.” You looked at him, not sure what to make of his claims. You figured it was better to go along with it for now, and try to find a way to escape later. Until then, looks like you would be stuck on a pirate ship for the unforeseeable future.

                                                         ~

From then on, they both led you to their ship, a beautiful vessel called The Utopia. You tried not to look too impressed with it, but you might not have done a good job, as you caught Hongjoong’s slightly smug smirk as he boarded the ship. It was from then that you were introduced to the rest of the crew.

“Jung Wooyoung you put that grenade down!” You heard Seonghwa shout from next to you, glaring right at a man with blond hair holding said grenade. The new man, supposedly Wooyoung, simply grinned at him in response, “Come on now, Seonghwa, I’m just keeping count! That’s my job, remember? The captain himself made me the master gunner!”

“Keeping count my ass, we just kept count earlier! You know you’re not allowed to be near them if you don’t have permission from both me and the captain!” Seonghwa shot back, almost like a mother lecturing her child.

“Do I have permission then?” He tried, the same goofy grin on his face.

“No.” Hongjoong and Seonghwa both firmly spoke at once.

Laughing freely, Wooyoung simply replied with, “It was worth a try!” It was then he turned his attention to you, “Oh? Who’s this then?”

“A girl?” Another man, one with dark, slightly long hair with a grey streak in the front, came out from seemingly nowhere, leaning closely to you to get a better look, causing you to lean back away from him. Are all the men on this ship handsome?

One at a time you saw more crew members start to make themselves known, each of them looking vastly different than the other; you even saw someone with blue hair, who stood at a height that would even intimidate your brother. The carefree smile on his face, however, threw off any intimidation factor he might have had, seeming more like a puppy than a savage warrior. Next to him stood a man of similar height, this time with red hair that framed his face in curls. He seemed more serious than the others so far, but looks can be deceiving, and at this point you were ready to accept anything that came your way.

The next person almost made you look twice. Is he a pirate or a prince? With caramel hair that parted around his face, he was by far one of the most handsome men you’ve seen, and you seemed to be seeing a lot of them lately. However, he also seemed serious, and unlike the red head, you got the feeling this one was genuinely someone not to be reckoned with. Next to him was a boy, just barely old enough to be called a man, with reddish brown hair and a polite grin on his face. It was quite clear to you that this was the youngest of the crew, although the amount of muscles he had almost made you doubt that assessment.

“Captain, why is there a girl here? What, have you finally bought yourself a companion?” The black haired man snickered, earning himself a reproachful look from Seonghwa.

Hongjoong himself blushed a bit at his crew mate’s words before answering, “Of course not! I bought her off of Elias Sweet, tell me, do you think he had any good intentions for her?” No one raised any comment at that question. “Now, she’ll be joining us from now on; not as an official member of the crew, but just until she can find a place to stay. So, therefore, you should all introduce yourselves now, and save her the trouble later.”

“I’m Wooyoung!” The master gunner introduced himself immediately, holding out his hand for you to shake, “It’s nice to meet you!” You just stared at his hand, not making any move to take it or respond.

“Don’t mind that,” Hongjoong dismissed your attitude with a wave of his hand, “She isn’t the fondest of pirates. Won’t even give us her name, I’ve taken to calling her Princess because that’s what Sweet claims her to be.” You heard the prince like one scoff at the captain’s words.

“Sounds like a joy to be around, truly,” He rolled his eyes, making you narrow yours at him. You could already tell that the two of you likely weren’t going to get along very well.

“Yeosang, be nice,” Seonghwa chastised, turning to you, “Don’t mind him, miss. He can just be a bit blunt sometimes, that’s all.”

“I’m Choi San!” The one with the streak in his hair spoke up, getting your attention, “I’m the carpenter of the ship! If you see something broken, you should come to me immediately!”

“I’m Jeong Yunho! I’m the navigator,” The blue haired man smiled at you kindly, as though he weren’t a part of the crew of the most fearsome pirate out there. A part of you had to wonder if this was all just one giant act. “I’ll make sure none of us ever gets lost.”

The youngest one stepped forward, “I’m Choi Jongho, ma’am. I’m the cooper of the ship, I tend to the barrels and make sure everything’s alright with them.” This piqued your interest.

“I’ve never heard of a cooper before,” At the sound of your voice, barely audible due to how soft it was, you could see his face light up.

“So she can speak!” The red haired man laughed, making him seem incredibly less serious than he had earlier, “I’m Song Mingi, the boatswain. I’m the one making sure everything is clean and in shape, and also the one who’s in charge of the anchor whenever we arrive on land. It’s nice to meet you, Princess.” Internally, you cringed at him already picked up the nickname Hongjoong had given you.

“Yeosang, don’t be rude,” Seonghwa once again lectured the boy, who rolled his eyes once again at the thought of having to be polite to you, “Introduce yourself.”

“Fine,” He sighed, clearly not wanting to make a fuss, “I’m Kang Yeosang, the medic. Please, do not get injured any time soon.” Yeah, definitely don’t like him.

Clapping his hands, Hongjoong turned to you, “Alright then, now that introductions are over, everyone go back to their positions! Wooyoung, could you possibly fetch her some clothes that don’t fit you anymore? She can’t stay in that dress forever, and we can’t get her proper clothes until we reach Tortuga.”

“Why don’t you give her some of your clothes, Captain? You’re the smallest one on board!” Wooyoung teased with a cheeky grin, causing the feared pirate king to nearly hurl something at him before ordering, “Just go do it, you troublemaker of a gunner!” Laughing on his way out, Wooyoung was surprisingly quick to follow his captain’s orders, coming back with a shirt and pants. “They’re not much, but they’ll last her for a bit. Should at least make it to Tortuga.” He handed them to you with a wink, causing you to look down to avoid him seeing you flustered. Curse these goddamn pirates.

“Now then, follow me, please,” Seonghwa asked, urging you to do so, “You can’t well stay in the same room as a man, but luckily we do have a spare room we don’t use, so you should be fine there. We’ll try to stay as out of your way as possible. I’ll let you know whenever meals are so you don’t go hungry. Any questions?” During this time, you had been following him to a spare room that had a spare bed, nothing too fancy like the one back in your castle, but a bed nonetheless. You looked at him, unwilling to speak unless you absolutely had to. He sighed, “I know you don’t trust us. I can only imagine the stories you must have heard. But I promise you, every single one of these people aboard this ship is a good man, and we aren’t the savage monsters you must imagine us to be. I can only hope that you’ll be able to see that soon. Until then, try to relax, alright? We have a long journey ahead of us. I’ll come back down again when dinner’s ready.” With that, he closed the door, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Good men, You scoffed to yourself, laying down on the bed as you stared at the ceiling. No pirate is a good man.

[aquata-the-champ]

Final Warning | The Board

Aquata and Greg’s feud comes with a few consequences...

Date: Sometime in mid July

TW: none

@notmuchofatail @simba-bonfamille-lyons @alzcomicbarn @thesorceress-hera @rezares @trip-downtheriverstyx 

AQUATA

As the Board began to settle in their seats, Aquata glanced at the agenda that had been sent out. It mostly looked like the usual business, except for the first item. “What’s this about ‘Board Behavior Guidelines Reminders?’” she asked, looking around. Aquata had a sinking feeling she might actually know what it was about, but she wasn’t admitting that just yet. “Who put that on the agenda?”

GREG

Gregory - slumped in his seat and looking miserable as ever - hadn't even glanced over the agenda until Aquata spoke, his gaze peeking down at it before a small huff of a laugh slipped from his lips. Of course. For a moment, he found himself looking at Simba because... well - if he had one guess on who would have put that there, it was definitely him before he shot a look towards Aquata. "...Give you one guess." He mumbled easily enough.

SIMBA

Simba's eyes had cut to Greg at the laugh. He was more than done with Greg's sour attitude. Even if he didn't want to run again--which would be fine--he was on the board until December, and he needed to act like it.

Maybe he shouldn't've put it first on the list, but it was the most hot button issue and he had a feeling it wasn't going to wait until the end.

"Considering I'm leading this meeting, it was me," Simba volunteered the information easily. "I--we have decided that reviewing appropriate behaviour would be prudent."

He glanced at his fellow board members to back him up

HADES

This was a long time coming that nevertheless should not be necessary. Hades had rolled his eyes at the whole idea-- but couldn't deny that, well, they didn't have any better option. So: dramatic intervention, five-against-two it was. It could end badly (with Aquata storming out and Gregory in tears) but maybe, just maybe, something productive would come out of it.

Hades was skeptical. But he wouldn't undermine Simba.

"Especially in light of your recent actions on Twitter--but that is just the latest example of a long list of behavioral issues on both your parts," he said with a nod. His eyes settled on Gregory for a second longer-- after all, he knew the boy better-- and his eyebrow twitched up in judgment.

AL

Frankly, Al was feeling kinda vindicated about this. As much crap as people gave him on Twitter, at least he knew how to use it responsibly -- aka he didn't get into public fights with his co-workers.

But he was gonna be nice about it, since it really did benefit him if the hippy dippy side of the Board (read, most of it at this point) had a schism, so...

"I for one think this is a very good idea," said Al. "We can all use a refresher! Keeping our socials clean is a good idea. Who knows what smear articles people might dig up!"

Yes, that was shade at Reza.

REZA

Reza's brow quirked up and he shot Al a sidelong glare. He almost wanted to defens Aquata and Greg's Twitter use out of spite. Excuuuuuse the fuck out of him for actively trying to topple a hostile regime even mundus hated, and selling a potion to help with nightmares to a distraught mother. Hmmph. Not Reza's fault that legally it was 'magic on a child.'

He didn't say anything. Didn't feel the need to yet.

HERA

Hera, on the other hand, had heard about all of this from Mei. She wasn’t on Twitter, nor did she have any desire to be, but it was more than that— it wasn’t as if Aquata and Greg were enemies online and best friends whenever they were in a room together. If it hadve been just an internet feud, Hera might have let it go. But it was affecting her directly, which meant…

“It’s for all our benefits,” Hera stressed (she wasn’t about to lecture Greg and Aquata on playing nice and let someone else get away with it). “But  that isn’t to say you two shouldn’t take extra notice of it.”

AQUATA

Aquata crossed her arms. She knew she had fucked up. And she knew that she needed to be a little more careful about how she looked to the public. That didn’t mean she liked this “intervention” one bit.

“I still maintain that Gregory keeps intentionally provoking me,” Aquata said haughtily. “Anyway, message received. I’ll be more professional. Considering I actually give a d— crap about this. Unlike some people.” Aquata glanced at Greg and then back at her own agenda.

SIMBA

Thank Allah they were all on the same side of this. It would have been a pain if he was heading the charge with no one to back him up, but four other people? There was no arguing with that. And like Hera, and unlike some of the others, Simba wanted to be blunt in calling Aquata and Greg out specifically. It did no one any good to speak in vague terms.

“Aquata,” Simba said sharply at her accusation. Or complaint. Whatever it was, it had no place in this meeting.

“Being more professional is not blaming someone else for your behaviour. You and Greg are getting the same treatment. We are aware that both—“ his eyes flicked to Greg and back, “—of you are equally involved in this feud. But your denial of your own responsibility in it makes me question how much you believe that this is really harming the board and something needs to be done about it. And that is my biggest concern at the moment.”

GREG

Gregory didn't meet Hades' gaze - even if he felt it on him for a brief moment of time. If there was anyone here who's opinion he genuinely cared about, it was his. So he didn't like that he'd 'disappointed' him or whatever but... — for the record, he'd been completely fine until Aquata got here.

And see, Greg could have opened his mouth to argue that right there Aquata was instigating him with both of those comments despite the fact she was trying to say he was the one starting it all! What was that then, Aquata?? But again - Gregory did not, either by his own self control or by Simba's quick snap of retaliation. Now, he also didn't deny that he was highly aware it made the board look bad. But... In Greg's opinion so did a lot of things. Probably worse than a bunch of little Twitter fights. Anything that came out of his mouth at the moment surely wouldn't go over well though - so aside a quick icy glance over to Aquata , Gregory simply remained silent. Barely.

HADES

This was going about how Hades predicted it might go:

Aquata, kicking up a fight. Gregory, saying practically nothing. Shrinking in his seat. Hades's pinched his lips together, not sure which one was more disappointing. Not that it mattered-- it was hardly a game.

That was sort of the whole damn reason they were here.

"Are either of you aware that you can be removed for misconduct?" Hades added swiftly. Might as well make them realize just how fucking serious this could be.

AQUATA

"Removed?" Aquata blurted out, before she could stop herself. That seemed extreme. Sure, misconduct wasn't completely inaccurate, but wasn't that sort of thing usually reserved for, like, criminals and raging anti-Magicks? "I mean-- sorry, I know that there are certain rules and procedures, but... I mean, when is the last time someone was removed from Board? Like, I know this is serious, but..."

GREG

This wasn't actually a surprise to Gregory. He'd known very well about the rules and stipulations of the Board. That at any time, people could be 'petitioned' off the Board for.. well, pretty much any reason if there was majority rule about it. Why wouldn't he believe that Aquata's and his own actions wouldn't warrant something like this.

The only difference was that... getting kicked off the board wouldn't even be that much of an issue for Gregory. But clearly Aquata was more than offended by that notion.

"...if we're disrupting the rest of the Board or Board business in any way, or if we're not getting along with each other...you can petition to have people removed." Gregory mumbled quietly towards Aquata without even glancing her way, instead moving to pick up his pen to spin it around in his fingers. "It may not have happened...in forever - but doesn't mean it can't.. dunno why s'a surprise"

HERA

Hera resisted the urge to rub her temples throughout this whole little back and forth. Evidently, Aquata didn't understand how serious this was, and she was beginning to get the feeling that Gregory didn't much care either way, from how quiet he was being. There was a happy medium to be found between their respective reactions, and it would've made things a lot easier if they could've found it, she thought.

"Obviously, there are proper procedures in place; we can't just tell you both to pack up your desks and be out by the end of the day. But it is a possibility, and it's something the two of you," She shot a look at both of them, because whilst she might've liked Aquata a little more, they were both equally at fault, "Should be equally concerned about going forward. I don't think it's something any of us want to do," Now she glanced around at the others, before shrugging her shoulders. "But we can't keep turning a blind eye."

AQUATA

The sharp look from Hera was really all Aquata needed to see. Yes, she had known Simba the longest, and probably agreed with Reza the most on policy, but Aquata trusted Hera's judgment. Being a love witch made her seem wiser, and after that first brunch conversation, Aquata had wanted to impress her. So for once, Aquata bit back her indignation.

So she reined herself in from glaring at Greg (she hadn't asked for an explanation from him) and instead directed a serious nod of understanding at Hera. "Alright, then," she said primly. "I'll keep that in mind for the future. And I apologize for any inconvenience this might have caused."

Aquata glanced down at the agenda again. "If that's all settled, should we move onto the next order of business?"

[allinmycorner]

Grease is the word!

Dancing With the Stars celebrated the classic movie musical this week. Olivia Newton-John (Sandy) sent a message to the dancers and gave us some behind the scenes info about the movie throughout the night. Didi Conn (Frenchie) gave advice to some of our couples. Co-creator Jim Jacobs was in the ballroom himself and Teen Angel Frankie Avalon also showed up to croon his song from the movie.

The bottom two was probably the biggest surprise and this was the first time all season it seemed even the judges were shocked. I'm not sure what exactly happened but I do have to agree with the judges that the bottom two we had was not correct.

Let's check out how the night went!

Mel C and Gleb: Mel C was robbed! She should not have gone home but I also knew she was a goner once Olivia and Val were in the bottom two as well. Mel had a great breakthrough with her quickstep to "You're the One that I Want" and really let herself enjoy the dance. She also was vulnerable in her package and it felt so real, so raw. I wish she could've gotten through to another week and I look forward to seeing her again at the finale.

JoJo and Jenna: JoJo got the first perfect score of the season and I think her foxtrot deserved it. She and Jenna portrayed Sandy and Frenchie when Sandy decides she wants to make herself over for Danny. In her package, JoJo talked about how she sometimes didn't practice what she preached when it came to loving who she was and that she did have some self-esteem issues when she started but that like how Frenchie helped Sandy, Jenna had helped her. And their friendship really showed in their dance, which really enhanced. My only thing was that I wished they had used the lyrics cut from the musical for the movie, which goes into how the teasing has affected Sandy and contains the line "Don't they realize there's just one of me and it has to last me awhile?" which I think is a great statement. It also would've gone well with what JoJo had been talking about as well. 

(Though thinking through some of the lyrics, it makes you wonder why Sandy even wanted to impress these people anyway. But we did get to learn that Didi Conn and Olivia Newton-John are still friends to this day and that warms my heart). 

Amanda and Alan: This is what I want to see from Amanda! A beautiful dance but more pizzazz and character to it! It seems she found her way after playing Cruella. Hopefully she keeps giving performances like this and she'll make it to the finals, barring any more surprises in the bottom two from now until the finale.

Kenya and Brandon: Kenya was not in the bottom two! Yay! And she proved that Len made the right call to save her in her rumba to Rizzo's "There Are Worse Things I Could Do," which she dedicated to her grandmother, who raised her after she was the result of a teenage pregnancy. Kenya and Brandon were sensual but poignant in their dance. My only quibble was that I thought Brandon could've choreographed a rather big part better but overall, it was a wonderful routine.

Melora and Artem: Melora was thrilled to channel her inner Rizzo to dance a Viennese waltz to "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee." It didn't feel like a natural fit but she and Artem made it work. She also had a lot of fun with it and it showed. She continues to do even better but I think her 10 last week inspired almost everyone else to step up their games as well. I don't think Melora has plateaued but she's going to have to keep bringing this every week until the end or she's eliminated.

Olivia and Val: They opened the show with a foxtrot to "Summer Nights" and Olivia showed off a picture from a Halloween past where she dressed up as a Pink Lady. So she absolutely loved getting to play Sandy in her dance and it was clear she had a lot of fun. She and Val handled the foxtrot well together so it was surprising to see them in the bottom two. I don't know if people thought their scores would carry them through or they were responding to the rumor that Val and Olivia were having an affair - something Olivia refuted herself and caused the video alleging this affair to be deleted off TikTok. Or maybe the audience has just decided that Olivia doesn't get to be redeemed just yet. I guess we'll see what happens next week.

Suni and Sasha:  Suni continues to open up more and more. The Charleston was the perfect dance for this routine and Sasha choreographed it well. Suni really delved into the role of Cha-Cha and continued to have a lot of fun with her routines. I'm excited to see her grow even more and I hope she's around for a few more weeks though I'm not sure if she'll be able to make it to the final. I guess we'll see.

Jimmie and Emma:  First, congratulations to Jimmie and his wife on the birth of their daughter! We got to see some footage of her and she's beautiful. And he was back in the ballroom, delivering a beautiful foxtrot to "Sandy." He and Emma were elegant and beautiful together, though they did have a few slips. Apparently the floor was really slippery, so I guess someone didn't properly clean it between numbers given how much was tossed onto that floor this week. But he emerged as the strongest male contestant and I think he could go all the way, though this really is the women's competition to lose. But given how the audience is predominantly women, men tend to stick around a bit longer than some probably should so we'll see what happens. Given the current breakdown, I do expect a few more women to go home in the coming weeks before we get to the finals. But it would be interesting to have an all-women finals.

Cody and Cheryl: Cody and Cheryl closed us out with their quickstep to "We Go Together." They managed to keep up the pace despite just recovering from COVID. But it does seem the quarantine may have hurt them. I have to wonder where they would be if they hadn't lost a good week of rehearsals together. Hopefully they can catch up because as affable as Cody is, I don't know if it will be enough if they don't increase their scores and the gap between them and the top of the leaderboard increases.

The Miz and Witney: We got to meet The Miz's wife and we got to see their sweet relationship before he and Witney danced to "Greased Lightning." His energy and dedication is always admirable but I worry he might be slipping. Everything is going to get harder from here on out so he needs to step everything up.

Iman and Daniella: Iman continues to improve and Daniella is trusting him more in frame. He does need to work on his feet - those were hidden during Disney Week but were on display here for the waltz to "Hopelessly Devoted to You." I'm sure Daniella can work on those and he might end up being the true dark horse of this competition. We'll see how the next couple weeks play out for him as we sprint toward the quarter-finals.

Next week is the annual Halloween episode and Sasha is still there, so he should have a lot of fun as everyone celebrates some horror movie classics! See you then! 

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Whumptober Day 18: To Fix What Is Broken

Summary: Written for Whumptober Day 18, follow-up to Day 12. Set after Httyd 2, not canon-compliant with THW. Years after their mistake, the Gang may need to force Hiccup to break down the wall he's constructed since then. It may not end as terribly as it did last time.

Rating: Mature

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut

Pairing: None

Words: 5 187

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: "Panic Attack”

Whumpee: Hiccup

Author’s Notes: NOTE: The rape/non-con elements in this fic are purely implied and referenced. Nothing is explicitly shown.

Not sure how much I've succeeded at portraying a panic attack in this one. I’ve only done it once before and it’s in an unposted one-shot. So I have no idea how well I’ve written a panic attack.

Might also be too long. I tried to look at what needed cutting, but I had no idea what.

Also written as a follow-up to Whumptober Day 12, which I will be linking.

Constructive criticism is appreciated!

Enjoy!

Ao3 to Whumptober Day 12

Ao3 To Whumptober Day 18

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

In the end, nothing got fixed. After his outburst in the Dragon Academy and doing "damage control" with his father, Hiccup somehow managed to convince him to let him go back to the Edge, and then it's like everything went back to normal.

Normal as in Hiccup pretending like nothing happened and continuing on as usual. Giving orders, prioritizing dragons and beating Dragon Hunters, sassing, the whole charade. He simply goes about his business, truly as if nothing happened that day, as if they hadn't hurt him and he hadn't hurt them.

A part of them is selfishly relieved and wants to go along with the pretend, but a slightly bigger part of them knows it isn't right, that Hiccup is simply ignoring the issue altogether in the hope that it will just go away.

So they've tried to bring it up with him. At dinner, during game night, during a patrol, any moment where he can sit down and have a talk. But he always shuts them down as soon as the subject is brought up, telling them not to make such a big deal out of something so stupid and small and to let it rest.

Sometimes they don't even get the chance to start talking before Hiccup would leave the room as soon as they sit down. There's just something about the way they sit down whenever they try to talk to him that tips him off to what they're planning on doing.

This whole thing has made him a hypocrite because he wouldn't just let this rest if the person suffering isn't him. Though to be fair, he would be a lot more sensitive about it than they have been.

The worst part is that their attempts at reaching him aren't only in vain, they make things worse between them and him, too. Though he and Toothless seem to be doing fine, the two of them go off together without the rest of the Dragon Riders a lot more than they used to even at the very beginning of the Dragon Academy.

Hiccup spends more time by himself, while game night often keeps going until the wee hours of the night, he only stays for an hour or two before retreating to his hut or forge to do whatever.

And then they get captured again. The Riders fight and fight to make their captivity end as soon as humanly possible, to save Hiccup from more hurt, but when they get home, Hiccup and Toothless disappeared for days.

So instead of suffering through this period of pain on the Edge, he was suffering through it somewhere else instead, with only Toothless there to see it.

It's so unhealthy. The way he avoids it altogether, pretends like nothing is wrong, like his head isn't full of what he's enduring. The way he runs from his second home, from his friends, to suffer completely on his own only to return and continue to act like nothing's happened and like he hasn't been gone.

So they let it rest, feeling like they have no other choice. After telling Stoick had been disastrous, after returning to the Edge, after attempt after attempt ends in failure, they decide to let it rest. Maybe them "letting it go" will, at the very least, urge Hiccup to stay home when he has these troubling episodes. That way, he's safe with them when he has them and not off to Odin knows where.

Unfortunately for Hiccup, life has a way of confronting someone with their traumas.

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Years pass.

Drago Bludvist happens, Hiccup finds out his dead mother isn't actually dead, Stoick is killed, Hiccup becomes Chief of the Hooligan tribe at the young age of 20, and Eret joins the Dragon Riders. Once again his life is turned upsidedown, but besides a few references here and there, Viggo's criminal acts are never talked about.

Despite this, the Riders know that the former Dragon Hunter Chief is far from forgotten, even while dead.

Because Berk is a very handsy place and Berk doesn't know about Hiccup's ever-growing aversion to touch. They act around him as they always have, Hooligan friendly, and his friends have seen his discomfort that everyone else is either blind to or attributes to his awkwardness.

On that front, Eret is very observant, keeping it at friendly shoulder pats.

But it isn't just the "no touching", the Riders can see Viggo's influence on other aspects of Hiccup's life.

They can see when he's having a particularly bad episode by the bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep, by the weight he loses when eating becomes a problem, or when he suddenly and inexplicably needs to leave a room and won't be back for hours.

They've never disturbed him before, but they know he's at the cove with Toothless when he does this. So at least they know he's safe.

But Hiccup's wardrobe isn't lost on them either. Going from a simple tunic and somewhat plain armor to layers upon layers with armor on top and belts in more places than they need to be, one dagger strapped to an arm, and his Inferno strapped to his thigh,... the Riders aren't idiots.

Berk may think it's his taste for the dramatic, but they know that he's making up for a concerning lack of a sense of security. Viggo's death hasn't made him feel any safer and Stoick's has made that even less so.

It's all leather, too, all except for his tunic.

It always takes him minutes just to reach his main tunic and knowing Hiccup that is bound to bite him in the ass someday.

And it did.

Having allies means coming to their aid in their time of need and that can sometimes result in one of the Dragon Riders getting hurt. This time, it so happened to be Hiccup.

Aiding the Berserkers when an enemy tribe thought to raid them, the Dragon Riders came to help and in the ensuing battle, Hiccup got knocked off Toothless.

It is easier to down a disabled dragon than a fully-abled one, even with a rider, but throughout the years, their grace in the sky hasn't just grown, but their chances of being downed have lessened.

Unfortunately for Hiccup and Toothless, that means crashing just hurts more. As a dragon, Toothless is sturdy and can therefore shake a crash or two off, but as a mere human, Hiccup cannot.

Unable to just walk it off, he was taken to the healer to be looked at and treated. He'd been unconscious the whole way there, a blessing because that meant he didn't need to feel them move him and cause him more pain in the process, a curse because that meant he woke up in a stranger's home.

"He won't let me treat him," The healer had to tell the Riders and Heather, the Berserker Chieftess. Despite her many attempts at soothing him and telling him that he needs to be examined, he still won't let her.

The Riders, standing outside of her shack, all look at each other, knowing why Hiccup is refusing treatment and too afraid to say.

Heather places a hand on Astrid's shoulder, sharing her troubled mood. She, too, knows of Hiccup's fear, having lived on the Edge for a time and experienced his episodes for herself.

"Maybe it'll help if his friends are there? A familiar face can do wonders." She suggests, while Eret steps forward.

"This is so strange. The Chief has his reckless moments, but refusing treatment just seems... not like him." He says and he's right. This is beyond being reckless, this is endangering his own life.  And not just for some stunt, but for refusing treatment!

"We can go in and see what we can do, but you're going to have let Toothless in. Hiccup won't accept treatment without him in the room." Astrid tells the healer. It's not a plan that guarantees success, but it's better than forcing him to comply with something that triggers an old fear.

The healer sighs and nods. She's not particularly happy to have a Night Fury in her home and place of work, but she recognizes that she needs to allow it for her patient's sake.

Astrid turns to face Toothless, who was all but glued to the door of the shack, awaiting the moment he could join Hiccup's side again. Was because he's already entering after pawing the door open.

So she turns to Eret instead.

"Eret, I know you want to help, but I need to ask you to stay here." She tells him and Eret nods. It's not that she wants to exclude him, it's just that he probably doesn't know and Hiccup would probably like to keep it that way. Until he wants to talk about it himself, that is. They've learned their lesson about telling people something this personal, even if they think it's for his sake.

The rest of the Riders, they follow Toothless inside. What they find is Toothless and Hiccup having what can only be called a stand-off.

"Oh great, guys, can you tell Toothless to move? He's not letting me leave." Hiccup requests when he notices they aren't alone anymore, but quickly resumes his staring contest with the dragon, who is rumbling challengingly. In a "you just try to get past me" kind of way. His tail is swaying behind him.

"Leave? You need medical attention, you can't leave!" Astrid replies surprised.

"Which I can get plenty of back home. Berk isn't far by dragon." Hiccup passes Toothless and for all his bravado, he realizes that he can't actually stop him from leaving the healer's hut.

The Riders and Toothless watch him limp towards the door, holding his side. He still looks like just as much of a mess as when Eret brought him in, including the bloody pants that he has bandaged rather messily. As someone who knows at least a thing or two medically and knows of the importance of proper treatment, this only shows his urgency to get out of here.

Catching him trying to limp past them and out the door, Astrid comes to stand before him, effectively stopping him in his way. Blinking in surprise, Hiccup looks at her.

"Wow hey, you can't just leave. A few hours by dragon is still far when you have injured your ribs. Especially when you have healer and supplies right here." She tells him and Hiccup doesn't like what he's hearing. She's making sense to him as well, of course, but his high levels of discomfort are overruling his common sense.

"Astrid, I'm fine. I can breathe fine, albeit, with a little bit of pain, I can make the trip back to Berk."

"So you say and then, once we're over the ocean with no island for miles you discover that, oh no, you suddenly can't breathe out of one lung! You faint, you and Toothless crash, and you both drown." Astrid puts her foot down and crosses her arms, scolding him for his way of thinking. "A little bit of pain" does not equal "okay".

"But that's why I have you guys, to keep that from happening." He says.

"Oh yeah, because we can definitely fix a collapsed lung on the spot." Snotlout sides with Astrid and comes to stand next to her, obstructing Hiccup's way out further.

Hiccup sighs and a look of pain passes on his face, the too deep release of air hurting his side.

"Hiccup, why don't you want to be treated?" Astrid asks, having some idea, but not wanting to jump to conclusions.

"It's just... It doesn't feel good to have a stranger..." Touch me, he wants to say, but having put up a wall between the Riders and his "issues", he refuses to say it.

"To have a stranger what?" Astrid asks, suspicious of what he actually wants to say.

"I just trust Gothi's expertise more." A rude thing to say, especially for him. They're lucky the healer isn't here to hear him.

The Riders glare at him and Hiccup looks away, uncomfortable with how rude he's just been to a woman who simply wants to help him. The words had left him before he could stop them and he regrets them already.

"Okay, we'll stay." He finally decides, but keeps standing by the door because he doesn't actually feel like moving, more so because of how much it hurts to use his injured leg.

He doesn't know what he cut his thigh on, just that it bleeds enough to require stitches and be at risk for infection. Which makes his decision to leave seem even more foolish and unlike him.

But the Riders don't blame him because they know exactly what causes this out of character behavior.

Offering her hands, Hiccup lets her help him sit down on the bed behind him. He'd been lying on it before, when he woke up and the healer tried to examine him and he was being too difficult of a patient.

Hiccup wipes his sweaty palms on his pants, he's anxious and his friends notice. Astrid crouches down in front of him.

"We can stay if you want us to. Fishlegs knows how to heal, he can even do it while the healer watches and helps where needed. We already convinced her to let Toothless stay. If having a familiar face helps you get through this, we're here for you." She talks vaguely about him not needing to be touched by a stranger or being left alone with a stranger on an island full of strangers.

Hiccup mulls it over, thinking about her offer, but then shakes his head lightly.

"This is stupid, she's not even..." A man, like he was. But he doesn't say it, whispering more to himself than he is talking to Astrid. They don't need to know. As if they don't know already.

"You're really anxious, it's not stupid." It's Snotlout who says this as he's surprisingly sensitive about this forbidden topic.

Hiccup looks up at his friends, Toothless purring as he invites himself in their space and nudges his human's uninjured leg in support.

He's not ready for this. He can feel himself sweating, his heart is pounding so much in dread that it aches, his anxiety is already through the roof.

He doesn't want to do this, but Astrid is right, this could potentially be needlessly life-threatening and he would be dragging Toothless down with him.

He just has to stop being so stupid and let the woman do her job.

"Okay, call her back in." Hiccup requests and lies back down with some difficulty while Fishlegs leaves to get her.

It'll be fine, it'll be fine, it'll be fine. It doesn't matter how many times he'll be repeating that in his mind, he'll have to do it as many times as it takes.

The old healer enters her hut again and she wants to get to work.

Hiccup watches her move around, his eyes following her as he attempts to control his breathing, as hard as it is with his ribs aching. Every breath in and out hurts him and that some part of him wants to draw shorter and shallower breaths with his rising nerves doesn't help.

She takes everything she may need. Cloth, bandages, water, herbs, anything to treat his injuries with.

It'll be fine, it'll be fine.

Everything in hand, Fishlegs helping her carry her stuff, she approaches and sets it all down.

"It'll be fine." Astrid looks at him when she hears him mutter.

But the second he feels hands trying to undo his belts, he panics. He takes her hands and pulls them away from him before rushing to sit up and hurting himself in the process. A cry of pain leaves him, everyone jumps to attention.

"Hiccup, wait, it's okay." Astrid tries to tell him, grabbing a shoulder.

"No! Nope! None of this is okay! I'm not okay!" He tells her before he winces and has no choice but to fall back down, holding his side and jostling his leg, which has bled through the bandages by now.

The Riders and Toothless gaze at him, the healer keeping her distance as she can tell this is a rather personal matter and so doesn't involve herself.

They listen to him groaning in pain, see the expression of agony as well as the sweat already glistening on his skin in the candlelight. His air intake is ragged. It is shallow and too fast, which only hurts him more.

"Hiccup," Astrid speaks his name, he shivers beneath her hand.

"No, I can't I... I just can't. I can't let this happen." This is wrong. This feels so wrong to him. The hands of someone that he doesn't know on his body where they don't belong.

In the past few years, the only ones who have been able to infiltrate his personal space in such a close manner have been his father and Toothless, maybe occasionally the Dragon Riders. Though, the Dragons more than the Riders.

And Berk, of course, but that was beyond his control. He doesn't like any of it and that is already hard to suffer through. Doing this is more than he can bear. He wants out.

He can already feel it creeping onto him. The hands.

"Hiccup, you need a healer." Astrid gently reminds him.

"I can put you under a sedative if that makes this procedure easier on you." The healer offers Berk's Chief some peace, at least for the next few hours.

"What? No! No sedatives!"

"Not even painkillers? It might help." Ruffnut suggests.

"No, no painkillers either. I want nothing." He's breathing so fast, he's becoming lightheaded. Meanwhile, his ribs burn.

"Then what do you want us to do?" Astrid asks, hoping Hiccup can tell them what he thinks will help him get through this most.

They've already gone behind his back once and it had made everything worse for him, had made things terrible between them.

But Hiccup shakes his head, not even knowing the answer to that question himself.

Gods, he can feel them. Disembodied hands where they don't belong, touching him where they were never meant to touch.

He wants to cry.

Astrid offers him her hand and he takes it too quickly and squeezes too hard. He's dying for comfort.

But he knows he needs to go through with it.

"Just go ahead with it. Just do it." He tells them uncertainly and the healer steps forward again, hands moving to his belts to undo them.

This time he lets her, but his hyperventilation worsens and so does his trembling. His eyes close as if it'll help if he can't see her hands on him. Feeling them on him is already bad enough.

He can feel other hands creeping upon him. They're bigger with more callouses and they aren't actually there, which is why they creep.

They belong to a man that isn't even alive anymore and yet, with every unwanted touch forced upon him, he can feel him again.

"Shhh, it's okay. You'll get through this. Just breathe, Hiccup, breathe." Astrid tells him and he tries to keep a hold of himself to the best of his ability.

His vest is splayed upon and more wounds are made bare. Besides the aching of his ribs, there's a splotch of blood on the right side of his lower abdomen, close to the hem of his trousers.

"He's bleeding through his tunic." Snotlout mutters, bringing attention to it. The healer takes the hem of his tunic in order to take a look.

Hiccup can feel it, is too aware of her every move. Still squeezing Astrid's hand, he squeezes even tighter and she lets him. Tears wet his eyes and when she cautiously pulls it up, they slip free and he seizes her hands again, unable to bear any more of this.

"Hey, shhh, it's okay." Astrid holds all of their hands as she hushes him.

Toothless intervenes and headbutts his human's face, a gesture of affection that Hiccup returns.

"Yeah, it's okay, we're all here with you." Snotlout tells him, stepping forward, but not daring to go as far as Astrid is going. One of them is probably enough.

"Breathe, Hiccup. Breathe."

"I can't. I-I can't."

Fishlegs comes closer.

"Then maybe I can help! Try to follow along with me, okay?" Hiccup leaves Toothless to face him, who exaggerates his breathing in a slow and timely manner so he can keep up.

It's hard, but Hiccup tries his best to follow along until his breathing comes to a more natural pace and his lightheadedness doesn't turn to darkness.

Astrid manages to make Hiccup let go of the healer and hold onto her instead.

They don't like any of this, the panic attack, the sweat sticking his clothing to his skin, or the tears now sliding down his face. His lip is trembling, his everything is trembling.

This is what he hid from them after their damning talk with Stoick for so long, this is what Viggo has done to him. Their fearless leader rendered to this. The fact that they still don't know the details haunts them to this day.

He can still face any enemy, can stare down death itself if he has to, but he can't stand being touched, not even if it's for his own well-being.

"This is so stupid." They hear him mutter, something they've heard him repeat over and over again with whatever involves his issues. They don't know what he thinks is so stupid, but they've heard him say this so many times by now.

Astrid dares to take a seat on the bed next to him and lets go of his hand to cup his cheeks. He stares up at her with a wild look of panic. If he wants her to let go, she trusts that he'll let her know.

"Hiccup, please listen," She starts and hopes that's what he'll do.

"We're all here to protect you. I know we've failed you before, but no more. You're safe with us. Tonight, tomorrow, every day for the rest of your life, you're safe." She tells him and his hands take hers, but he doesn't pull them away. Her touch is light, so it wouldn't be hard to remove them, he wants them there.

"We love you. Please let us protect you." She requests with genuine emotion.

He nods.

"Okay," He says quietly, barely above a whisper as most of his voice is stuck in his throat. It's a miracle he even got that much out.

Toothless rumbles encouragingly and invites himself partially into the bed, pretty much wrapping his forelegs around his Rider, but staying mindful of his injuries.

Hiccup lets go of Astrid's hands, gaining some control over himself.

Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut take them, watching for any reaction that might tell them this is the wrong move to make. So far, there isn't any.

This might be it, the opening they've been waiting for. For years Hiccup has been completely closed off on this topic, he's locked his fears up tight and thrown away the key. But now, perhaps the door stands open on a creak and they're allowed a peek inside with a promise for more.

Whether this is what it is or not doesn't matter at the moment. What does matter, is helping him through tonight.

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"Hey, how're you feeling?" Back on Berk, Astrid asks Hiccup this question as they enter his home a few days later.

Looking up from his blueprints, he watches them enter with a tired smile.

He's sitting on a chair, wearing a comfortable tunic to spare his bruised ribs the weight that comes with many layers. The stitched gash on his lower abdomen benefits from this, too. He doesn't like it, but Toothless is with him always and so is Sharpshot, who lies curled up on the table. His injured leg rests on another chair, the wound having been stitched closed and showing no signs of infection so far.

"Eh, tired. Maybe in need of some more painkillers. It's been a few hours and my everything hurts again." He answers as they walk further into the home, greeted by Toothless who croons their way happily. He's lying curled up around Hiccup's spot, helping him feel secure as he can't wear his "shield".

Ever since that night, something has changed in their group again. Talking with him, being around him, it's easier. It's as if there's been this tension for so long that nobody even noticed after a time, and now that it's finally gone and they can all feel that lack of weight.

"I'll go make some!" Fishlegs offers himself up and disappears into the kitchen.

"How is everything with the village outside?" Hiccup asks, hoping that his work isn't stacking up as he spends his time inside recovering. He is weirdly okay with staying indoors. So far, at least.

"We're managing things, the twins are actually fixing stuff more than they break it," Astrid informs him.

"Hey, we can be very good repair people." Ruffnut protests.

"Besides, just means there's more for us to break later," Tuffnut mutters to her, and the two snicker. Astrid and Snotlout both roll their eyes.

"We'll make sure they don't break stuff later." The latter promises with a deadpan. Hiccup smiles at him gratefully.

"Here it is!" Fishlegs returns with a painkilling, and possibly sleep-inducing, broth and hands it to Hiccup.

"Thanks," He says, taking it and then staring at it as he holds it in his hands. He's not exactly looking forward to it, these broths never taste that pleasant. This one doesn't even smell good.

He should take it, get rid of the pain, and maybe get some shut-eye. These blueprints can wait.

But first, there's been something that he's been contemplating as he waited for his friends' inevitable visit for the day. They always come by.

"Hey, um..." He starts, gaze still on the cup with the broth.

The Riders look at him, wait for him to talk, and say what's on his mind as there is clearly something.

They aren't quite prepared for the topic he's about to bring up, but the day they've been waiting for has finally arrived.

After some hesitation, Hiccup forces himself to say it.

"He never went all the way."

Surprised to hear him talk about it, the Gang listens.

"Vi-Viggo, he... He never..." Hiccup stops talking then and they don't interrupt or try to finish his sentence for him. They can tell it's taking him everything just to talk now, he's not even looking at them, hand coming up to hide most of his face from view.

Toothless purrs, sitting up to meet Hiccup at eye-level, but he's not looking at him either.

"It really did just stay with words and... and touches... Every time I got captured and taken to him, but... That's it, nothing else." It's not like they don't know that something's been done to him, but to actually hear him say it, to hear their suspicions be confirmed is something else entirely.

The twins share a saddened look, Fishlegs looks down at his hands, and Astrid and Snotlout both feel themselves tense up. It's been a good few years and still, it makes them so angry that any of it happened.

Back to the conversation, Snotlout wanted to remind him that that wasn't nothing, but Astrid stops him. Hiccup is finally talking, they should let him have his say before they comment.

Still unable to bear to look at his friends, Hiccup wipes his sweaty palms on his trousers.

"It-it-it... "It" never actually happened so-so it-so it just seemed so stupid to feel the way I did. The-the way I do. Like-like I was hurt when I wasn't." That was part of the problem, it wasn't as bad as it could've been and that made worrying about it seem so dumb to him.

He's lucky. That's what he's been telling himself. He's lucky.

"So stupid," He repeats, feeling like an attention seeker for something that was "not as bad as it could've been". So many people have suffered worse than him, he shouldn't complain.

He rocks nervously, trying to cope with the influx of memories that have festered over the years, with the shame welling up. Thus far they've only been dealt with by cramming them into the darkest corners of his mind, a fruitless effort that usually ends in frustration and anger. There they have continued to rot and chipped away at him piece by piece like an untreated infection.

Bringing it up now still hurts just as much as it would've hurt to bring up back then.

As a brief silence sets in, Astrid dares to take a step and sits down at the table on a seat next to him.

"I think you and I both know that he doesn't need to go "all the way" for this to hurt, Hiccup. What happened was so, so traumatizing, doesn't matter how far he did or didn't go. And it happened... It happened multiple times." Astrid has to swallow, feeling like she might throw up if she doesn't.

"If we were in each other's shoes, you would be telling me the exact same thing." She tells him and Hiccup finds that she has a point.

If this had happened to Astrid, to any of his friends, he wouldn't stand for them to call their reaction to being... to being... He wouldn't call them stupid, he wouldn't call them calls for attention.

"He hurt you and you have every right to be angry, even now." She continues.

"We all hurt you." Snotlout admits, coming to sit at the table as well. The others, they swiftly follow their example.

To hear them tell him that he has every right to be angry, to be hurt, is more relieving than he can ever express.

But there's a question Snotlout has been wondering about this whole time and he wonders if Hiccup will answer.

"How... I understand if you don't want to answer, but how far did he get?" If he's not ready to tell them yet, if he'll never be ready, then he'll understand.

Hiccup doesn't answer and while he's told them he never went "all the way", "not all the way" still seems to be pretty far.

He wants to cry again. The memories running rampant inside his mind, the non-existing hands that refuse to leave him, they make tears gather in his eyes.

He's in pain and has been for much too long. He feels like he's been on fire this entire time and that someone is finally putting out the fire.

It's with a mere cup, but it's a start.

Managing to look at his friends, Hiccup cautiously gazes at them all, fearing judgment as he finally bares it all.

Astrid reaches and takes his hand, squeezing it lightly. Perhaps, it's time to talk and let his family in.

[rosewould]

*･༓☾ bloodshot // johnny ☽༓･*

chapter ii // masterlist

*pairing*

you x johnny + some jungwoo (and I guess Taeyong?)

*chapter rating* mature

*warnings* explicit sexual content, mentions of slurs and sexism (it’s another jungwoo smut chapter)

*word count* 3.03k

*disclaimer(s)* Once again I don't think nayeon, johnny, or lucas actually act this way, and this goes for everyone in the future

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

"Again?" Your eyes lit up. Jungwoo has never had so much drive before.

"I wanna give you all my love and attention until neither of us can take it anymore." He caresses your cheek and you melt into him. Your bed fitted with brown silk sheets and a tan comforter became a sort of sacred fortress in the past two months. Jungwoo has been an angel through the come down of the incident.

"Jisoo told me you haven't been giving her as much attention, though." You lace your fingers with his, noting every mole and mark down his arm. Jungwoo sighs.

"I know... I just hate seeing you like this. If only she was able come and cuddle with us."

It's been a month since you and Jungwoo made it official. It didn't feel like anything changed, you wonder if open relationships always felt this way.

"You just want to watch Jisoo and I kiss." You roll your eyes. Jungwoo shoots up from the bed.

"You guys kiss?!" You snort at his baffled expression.

"No, and I prefer it that way. I'm pretty sure Jisoo prefers our relationships separate as well." You glance at him, knowing he knows you're right. He huffs in defeat before falling back onto the bed.

"Imagine how great the three of us could be, though." Jungwoo pouts, seemingly forgetting about round 4.

No matter how much he pouted, you and Jisoo were 100% platonic. You liked you guys' dynamic and neither of you wanted to change it.

Those two together almost made you forget about all the online ridicule you received. Almost.

You couldn't leave Taeyong. The others, no sweat off your back. Taeyong, however, was your first love. And although you had no more romantic feelings for him, you still loved him. Even if he was dating a girl who made your life a living hell. You could cut off Johnny and Lucas, but not Nayeon. If you had to do anymore streams with that devil you'd scream.

You groan as you die again. Good thing you were near spawn anyway. You hurry and gather your items before the ridicule commences.

"____ you're really fucking everything up. This must be why women are inferior." She purposefully puts a shit-ton of nasality in her voice when she talks to you. It makes you want to rip your ears off your head. Taeyong's laugh reads of disbelief.

"Nayeon why would you say that?!"

You just laughed awkwardly. How do their viewers not die of boredom? It's the same god-forsaken cycle. Nayeon makes a self-loathing sexist joke, Taeyong pretends to be shocked, the chat erupts in response. You wonder if men get off on women constantly stating that they're inferior.

"Ugh just fucking come with me." Nayeon's character sprints off before you could think.

"Wait a minute!" You jump and run at her. You switch to your iron sword, pretending to strike her from behind. Your mind wanders as you pretend to hit her. What has your life become? You almost jump at the sound of Nayeon receiving damage. She gasped like someone killed her dog, not someone accidentally hitting her on Minecraft.

"What the f-" You chut as Nayeon starts swinging her diamond sword at you.

"When did you get diamonds?" You try and jump and avoid her but she still hits you twice. You laugh uncontrollably as you try to get away. Taeyong reacts in disbelief, as usual.

"Girls! Stick to the plan!"

"I only have one heart!" You hurry and equip your shield to defend yourself.

"You hit me!" Nayeon exclaims. You notice the nasality is gone, and that you're having fun. Your smile nearly splits your face in half. You block her attacks and deal a good amount of damage until she dies. You laugh, tears in your eyes. You could get used to this, possibly finally have a female streamer friend?

You stop laughing when you notice how quiet it was. Then you hear sniffling.

"____ why can't you take a fucking joke? You're always so violent over fucking jokes!"

Then issnayeon went offline. She left the discord call. You and Taeyong were silent. Then Taeyong left as well. You were afraid to look at your chat. You clear your throat, suddenly very aware of the webcam pointed at your face.

"That was really odd, I guess I misunderstood the situation." You were beginning to get defensive, but you knew that wouldn't end well. Your eyes flicker over at your second monitor against your own wishes.

Flashes of 'cunt', 'snowflake', and most importantly, 'apologize' were visible from the chat. So you did apologize.

"I'm sorry to Nayeon and her viewers for being childish. I clearly misunderstood the situation," You paused, trying to gather your thoughts and blink away the tears stinging your eyes. You were such a baby.

"I'm also sorry for... uh... forcing my personal feelings and beliefs into a video game and onto Nayeon. I hope you guys understand where I'm coming from and accept my apology. Anyways, I think that'll be it for the stream tonight guys. I'll see you Wednesday."

You knew you weren't supposed to abruptly close the stream, especially without a closing screen. You just wanted to escape quickly. The stinging got worse until warm tears rolled down your cheeks. Everything that just happened was suddenly clicking. You were in for a shitstorm. More tears stream down your cheeks as you feel your phone buzz. You pick it up, blinking tears away.

"Jisoo..." Your voice quivered. Why were you so sensitive?

"Just breathe, okay?" Jisoo spoke calmly and with warmth but all you could think about was the aftermath of all this. Jisoo watched every stream she could, so maybe she saw.

"Could you see me tear up on camera? Was it obvious?" The panic in your voice was very evident?

"What? Who cares about that, ____ Nayeon's a bitch-"

"I do! Now I look like even more of a pussy, and everyone's gonna know that I'm sensitive-" You hiccup, trying not to sob.

"You're not a pussy. If anyone's a pussy here, it's Nayeon. You have to endure mockery from other streamers or your own chat every time you stream, and you keep persevering. Most of those people calling you a snowflake couldn't do the same." The passion in Jisoo's voice made you realize why you loved her. Why you were so glad you met her through Jungwoo.

"I don't want you to ever lose your fire for combatting sexism. Don't let these online idiots distract from the fact that sexism is our reality. You're not a pussy for not tolerating jokes about shit you deal with on a daily basis from people who would never understand."

Your sobs echoed throughout your room. You weren't crying because of the chat or Nayeon anymore, though. It was because of how thankful you were for Jisoo. Deep down, you didn't even believe the things you preached yourself. A small part of you envied Nayeon. The fact that she could laugh at those jokes and even say them herself.

You wondered how much easier it would be if you just... gave in.

You had just come back to streaming two months after the first incident, and now you had to take another break. At least until the internet cooled down. This all spurred from something so stupid, but it just enough for people to further their sexist narrative. Johnny was quiet about the incident, but Lucas was as loud as ever.

"Imagine being so butthurt about a joke." He tweeted. Your thumb hovered over the tweet. You shouldn't. You shouldn't read the replies. You really shouldn't read the replies.

You click the tweet and scroll to the replies, heart pumping.

"People have gotten so much more sensitive, can't say shit these days."

"She was about to cry... over a joke."

Hand trembling, you went to read more for some stupid reason. You were getting so worked up, why were you doing this to yourself?

"You guys scream "it's just a joke" but then cry yourself to sleep when a girl says KAM."

You perk up. People are defending you? That tweet was so close to passing the others in likes as well. You swiped more.

"I'm glad she speaks up against those unfunny assholes. I'm actually pissed she apologized."

"Nayeon is the butthurt one here. Boohoo someone hit you in a game."

"Your jokes aren't funny."

There were still tweets bashing you, but there was significant pushback. You smile. You like all the tweets defending you. This would probably bite you in the ass later, but you didn't care. You even retweeted one.

"I don't even like _____ but this 'controversy' is the dumbest thing to get headlines I've ever seen. You people need a hobby."

You had yet to see the headlines, but Lucas' tweets about the subject were probably the reason it was blowing up. Filled with a shot of confidence, you wanted to see who's name was trending.

At number two is issnayeon. Of course, Nayeon is a lot more popular so her name would be mentioned a lot more. Something else catches your eye near the bottom of the screen, however.

jonssuh.

Curious, you click the topic.

"Since we're talking about ____, can we talk about how you guys called her crazy and never questioned jonssuh?"

The tweet seemed to spark conversation, racking in a serious amount of engagement.

"jonssuh is lowkey the one who initiates all the sexist shit"

"____ is a psycho snowflake, that's why no one questioned jonssuh"

It was interesting to see how split the replies were. Within days there was a rift in the streaming community. You were either Team ____ or Team Johnny. You weren't sure how Johnny got dragged into this when it was about you and Nayeon, but it was truly fascinating.

Speaking of Nayeon.

"Out of everyone involved, she's receiving the most flack." You scan the board, wracking your brain for your next move. All you could focus on was the hum of Jisoo's air conditioner and dogs barking down the hall from her apartment.

"Good. I'm sorry but she started this shit. I don't hate the girl but man she has some issues she needs to work out. Hurry and move by the way! This is why we need a timer."

Every move seemed flawed by this point. You were too hasty in the beginning. You sigh before moving your Queen.

"Well I hate her." You settle back into your chair, folding your arms.

"Yeah. I know." Jisoo swiftly scoops up your queen. You groan, tossing your head back.

"I thought I really planned that out nicely." You cross your arms tighter as your expression soured.

"Sorry babes. Also, about Nayeon. She's a woman, too."

You look up at Jisoo, who's still looking intently at the board.

"Huh?"

"I'm just saying. She's struggling just as much. Hurry and go!"

You roll your eyes, refusing to process her hubbub. You had to focus on how to plan your game better.

For the most part, you ignored the online battle, especially Lucas' endless subtweets. You unfollowed both Lucas and Johnny after this whole debacle, which according to Jisoo only escalated things. It was all out war.

You unfortunately couldn't escape the headlines. Your name was synonymous with oversensitivity now, while Johnny's was synonymous with sexism. You eventually caved in and spectated the battle. There was a lot of support for both sides, but the criticism was loud. Especially well worded criticism from respectable sources.

Instead of calling you a snowflake, popular youtubers argued that your actions directly hindered people's right to freedom of speech.

As for Johnny, people were maturely stating how his actions, while funny to him, were extremely harmful and almost oppressive towards women.

Both sides argued that both your behavior had damaging effects on the streaming community. This was bad. You just wanted respect, goddammit.

The comments were filled with both of your supporters questioning their support of either of you. You sat in your gaming chair for what felt like hours, spinning in circles. What in the world could you do? Your phone began to buzz in your lap.

"Taeyong?" You pick up quickly after seeing the name. Taeyong hadn't talked to you since that day.

"No. Johnny."

Your shoulders drop.

"Why?"

"I don't know if you noticed recently but we're kinda fucked. And if you're referring to me calling on Tae's phone, you blocked my number so," Johnny sounded defeated. You couldn't even find joy in it, it was so pitiful.

"So you're calling me for..."

"We clearly both have some common ground to discover."

"I kinda disagree buddy." You chuckle.

"So what, you want to have a conversation over the phone?" You scratch at your head. What is going through this man's brain?

"No. I want to start collabing with you again. Just me and you."

You freeze.

"How that fuck would that fix anything? You think spending more time together will magically make us get along? You do understand why I don't like you, right?"

"Whatever- look we don't have to actually find common ground. We could fake it so we can stop getting fucked up the ass by youtube essays." Johnny was starting to get his usual pissed off tone.

"Okay, yeah." You shrug as if he can see you. You can hear him shuffling eagerly.

"Really?"

"Fuck no." You hang your phone up before tossing it on your bed. You could handle this on your own. You had a genuine purpose for your actions. Johnny was literally just selfish and using low hanging (offensive) fruit to get more subs. People would understand you.

You adjust your tripod, making sure it was angled perfectly. It was simple, you'd just sit down and be straightforward with your side of the story.

"Hey guys. I know there has been a lot of craziness going on, and I just wanted to explain myself."

You explained how the streaming community made you feel as a woman. How you didn't regret not giving in to the sexism. You felt confident that at least your supporters would come back around.

-

"You've refreshed YouTube at least 80 times already. I came over here to take your mind off of things." Jungwoo wrapped his arms tighter around your waist. The light from your phone reflected against your glasses. The video got one dislike immediately when you posted it, followed by three more seconds later. By now, there were hundreds of likes and a dozen dislikes. Your lip started to sting as you peeled the skin from it with your teeth. Your eyebrows were knitted tightly together as you skimmed the comments.

R slurs and snowflake's were a given, but most of them sympathized with you. You refreshed, scrolled, hearted, and repeat. As you scrolled more, the criticism came pouring in. You kept scrolling until you found what you were subconsciously looking for. Well worded, damning criticism.

"I love your content and have been watching you for a while, but if these people bother you so much, why do you still interact with them? I remember you saying a long time ago that you and Nayeon didn't get along very well... so why? I was waiting for you to cut all of them off but you never did. I'm glad the guys are gone but why is Nayeon still frequently streaming with you?"

Your initial response would be because of Taeyong, but you knew it was a horrible excuse. It just clicked that you were putting yourself through torture for a taken man who never even showed interest in you once. Did Taeyong really even care about you?

You physically shake the thoughts away before locking your phone.

"Finally." Jungwoo swipes the phone from your hand and tosses it away. Before you could protest, he tenderly kisses your lips. His lips were so soft. With tentative touches, he turned you to fully face him. He threads his fingers through the nape of your hair, deepening the kiss.

"Focus on me, okay?"

He moves one of his hands down your body. He slides his hand under your shirt, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You gasp and flinch at how cold they are. He smirks against your lips, hand squeezing your clothed breast. You sigh against his mouth before nipping at his bottom lip. He slips his hand under your bra. He pinches your erect nipples and you hiss.

With his other hand he cups your panty clad core. You grind into him, encouraging him to go further. He complies silently, sliding his hand into your panties. He sighs blissfully at how wet you are. He curls two fingers into your slick hole. They slip right in, the tips of his fingers brushing deliciously against your walls. Goosebumps crawl up your arms as you clench Jungwoo's arm.

Your senses are clouded as you focus on his touch. He felt so good. You bite your lip as you squeeze his arm harder. No man has ever made you feel this way. You revel in the way his fingers brush perfectly against your g-spot. Why were you worried about Taeyong anyway?

Taeyong. You furrowed your brows, trying to rid thoughts of him. The way tears filled his eyes when he laughed too hard. His intoxicating smell. His soft skin and hair. His kind eyes. His comforting touches.

"____?"

"Why does she still hang out with Taeyong and Nayeon?"

He hasn't been answering your calls or texts...

"Taeyong is like poison to her, she should cut him off."

He never defended you...

"Taeyong is ruining ____."

Did Taeyong ever really care about you?

"____! Are you okay?"

You feel numb as Jungwoo grips your shoulders. He tries to look into your eyes but you keep avoiding him.

"Let's go get cleaned up okay?"

"I think I'm still in love with Taeyong." Tears spill down your cheeks. You've cried more in the last few months than you have in at least a decade. It seems to all tie back to Taeyong somehow. Jungwoo was still for a second.

"Come on. Let's go clean up."

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　끝　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

[notstilinski]

Parent Teacher Conference

Title: Parent Teacher Conference

Word Count: 2, 416

Description:  “We’re still waiting for my dad. He’s late a lot.” Given the fact that he had never met the girl’s father, he couldn’t actually defend the man too much.

Fandom: The Witcher (Netflix), The Witcher (Video games), Wiedźmin

Ship: Past Geralt/Yennfer, Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier 

Links: My ko-fi & the fic on ao3

A/N: This was originally posted on AO3 back in, like, February but I wanted to post it here as well! Things to keep in mind: Jaskier is a first grade teacher, Ciri is one of his students, Yennefer and Geralt are co-parenting Ciri, & Geralt is a professional MMA fighter. Also, Geraskier does not explicitly get together in this fic. I did not have a beta reader for this fic, either, so there’s definitely some grammatical mistakes throughout it. I would also like to note that I know virtually nothing about the book series and very little about the games. (Basically, what I mean, is that this is heavily based around the Netflix series).

    The day had been rather long. Parent after parent after parent gliding into his office to talk about their child’s strengths and weaknesses. How well they did in class, any concerns, any developments that came throughout the year. Most parents were happy with the reports of their children and took any soft criticism of the child’s work in stride. Jaskier never meant it in a rude way but it was his job to bring up things that his students needed a little extra work on. Practice that he couldn’t exactly give them in his classroom. There had been one or two parents who were less kind. There were always parents like that. The ones who insisted that he was mistaken or blamed him for the child’s shortcomings. (And he refused to think that any of his student’s had shortcomings, anyways. Just things that they struggled with). One particularly nasty mother had called him a shit teacher and he waited until her husband had guided her out of the room to lick his figurative wounds.

    Slumping into his chair, Jaskier reached out for his mug of coffee and sighed softly after a long sip. If you had asked him when he was younger what career he saw himself having? He probably would have never even given teaching a second thought. Music was always what interested him. And he had been somewhat successful in the small cafes and shitty bars scene. But it was not enough to pay the bills that he had and pay for the expenses of, well, living and trying to make music. Teaching was supposed to be a temporary thing - A backup plan for if he really couldn’t make it as a musician. Jaskier didn’t expect to enjoy it so much. He especially didn’t expect to fall in love with just about every student that he had in his few years of teaching.

    He was in the middle of sulking and getting lost in thought when a soft knock at his door caught his attention. Gaze flickered toward the clock on the wall as he tried to remember when his next meeting was. (There was only a handful of minutes between each meeting, he knew, but he didn’t think it had been that long since the last parents had waltzed out of his office). The door opened before Jaskier could say anything and in popped a head of white-blonde hair.

    “Hi Mr. Pankratz!”

    “Hello, Ciri!” Jaskier pushed himself away from his desk so he could stand up, “are you here with your parents?”

    Despite the meetings supposed to be just the parents and him, some insisted on having their children there. Other parents would bring their child along and leave them with another parents, the children going off to play in the gym or outside, as they waited for the meeting to be done so they could continue with group plans. Ciri was a mostly well-liked girl but Jaskier knew that she didn’t seem to have a lot of friends besides Dara. Another child who seemed to be mostly well-liked despite his lack of friends.

    “We’re still waiting for my dad. He’s late a lot.”

    Given the fact that he had never met the girl’s father, he couldn’t actually defend the man too much.

    He had only met Ciri’s mother on rare occasions, as well. She was just as beautiful and terrifying as one would think when they heard some of the things that other parents said about her. But she was a good mom and Jaskier couldn’t judge her on much besides that. Almost like she was summoned, the woman in question stepped up behind her daughter not a second later.

    “Yennefer,” Jaskier greeted as diplomatically as possible. He was terrified of her, after all.

   “Mr. Pankratz.”

    Geralt should have known better than to think that his ex-wife would call him the morning of the parent-teacher conference to remind him not to be late. Both Yennefer and Ciri knew that he was terrible at checking and replying to any sort of texts that he got. (The only reason that he was getting better was because it was an easier way to reach Ciri when he had free time). Just about everyone that he had passed stared as his hulking form rushed past, muttering as he went. Part of him couldn’t believe that Yennefer would let him be late to one of the handful of things to do with Ciri that he knew he could be there for. She usually never pulled anything when Ciri was concerned. Meanwhile, the other part of him? Well. He was trying to backtrack through the last few days in his head to see if he had done anything that would have pissed Yen off. As far as he knew, he hadn’t done anything in at least a week that would warrant her to be that petty.

   The next curse that threatened past his lips was quickly covered with a couch as he rounded the corner to be greeted by a gym half-filled with little kids and parents alike. Some people seemed to recognize him, it seemed, if the way a handful of children’s faces lit up was anything to go by. Some of the parents turned to each other to whisper to each other. He chose to ignore it and continue on his way in the direction he hoped the classroom was in. But he had the decency to wave to the group of kids that were staring at him like he was the coolest thing that they had ever seen in their short lives.

    It took another eight minutes of wandering and praying that he was going in the right direction to find the classroom. The only reason that he was sure of himself was the fact that Ciri was sitting outside the door - Someone had put a little table there so kids could wait outside and entertain themselves. A relieved breath escaped him as he slowly approached and waited to catch his daughter’s attention. Her face brightened as soon as she noticed him and she practically knocked her chair over in getting up to give him a hug.

   “Hey, princess,” he murmured and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. “Is your mom already in the meeting?”

   “Mhm. They waited a little bit for you,” she supplied like that was supposed to help. It only made him feel worse.

   And cemented the knowledge that Yennefer was going to kill him for being late.

    “I’m sure they couldn’t wait to start talking about you,” Geralt teased as he finally detached himself from his daughter’s arms.

    Ruffling her hair as he walked past her to knock at the door, not waiting to get an answer before he was opening it just enough to slip inside. Yennefer gave him an unimpressed look that he had grown familiar with. The guy that she sat across from, the teacher, almost looked surprised as he stared at him. (The few times that Geralt met past teachers, coaches, instructors, etc. of Ciri’s, they always had the same reaction. No one expected Ciri’s father to be an MMA star and people still looked surprised even when they didn’t know who he was. Yennefer claimed it was because he looked like a bear… And acted like one, too).

    His ex-wife was the one to break the silence with a sharp clear of her throat. Yennefer gave a half-hearted wave toward Geralt as she turned her attention back to the teacher.

    “This is Ciri’s father. I’m sure he’s sorry that he’s late.”

   “Yen.” Geralt sounded tired before he stepped closer to where the two were sitting. Manners, he remembered after a half-second before he held out his hand, “Geralt Rivia.”

    The teacher took a moment to realize that Geralt had just spoken to him before he was snapping back to attention. A nervous laugh escaped him as the larger man allowed himself to glance him over. Hm. Well he seemed familiar enough. The handshake was cut off as the teacher carefully pulled his hand away, nervously tapping his fingers against his desk. Not something that either parent seemed to pay attention to since people being nervous around Geralt was normal for them.

   “I know.” Of course he did. “We met before.”

    Oh.

    Oh.

   Yennefer’s attention snapped to him again as her eyes narrowed while Geralt seemed to go still with shock. He tried to think back to when he would have met his daughter’s teacher. Maybe he had met him at something not school related. The man considered it as he looked at the teacher over and easily noticed the way that the other man’s cheeks seemed to flush.

   “No need to be so dramatic,” the other man laughed after an awkward moment. “It’s been awhile.”

    That didn’t help. Did he know how many people Geralt had met just within the past six months because of his career?

    “Oh! Uh- Julian Pankratz. We technically met, like, a really long time ago. In college and-”

   “You played at an event after one of my fights.” Recognition slowly flooded through his system. It was before he was actually a real MMA fighter and was still somewhat in school. The last year that he was in school, really. “You called yourself Jaskier.”

   Yennefer took a long moment to look between the two of them with a pinch in her eyebrows. Because it was completely normal to coincidentally know your daughter’s teacher from almost a decade before that. For another long second, it seemed like no one in the room knew exactly what to do.

   “Why don’t you sit down?” Jaskier motioned to the chair next to Yennefer as he cleared his throat, “this meeting is about Ciri, after all.”

   The rest of the meeting passed by rather quickly. Ciri was a bright girl, she got good grades and she was a delight to have in class. The only thing that they needed to worry about was how she didn’t seem to have any real friends besides Dara but other than that? Everything was good. Ciri was really the perfect student, if Jaskier did say so himself. He even had a rather easy time forgetting that he had met the girl’s father eight years before and that he had remembered him. He had remembered the name that he went by. Jaskier didn’t have much time to think about that fact with the handful of meetings that he had with other parents to complete the day.

   It wasn’t until he had finished all the meetings, packed up his planner and books and locked the door to his classroom that he allowed himself to think about it. Geralt hadn’t changed much in eight years. Besides the fact that he had found fame for himself as a fighter and seemed to be even bigger than he had been before. (Which was a feat in itself. Jaskier remembered the man being about the size of a brick building the first time that they had met). A small thought jabbed at him - The insistence of his mind to make him remember the crush that he had had on the older man. An inkling of it was still there, after all. But he refused to admit that it was still a legitimate crush.

   “He’s just attractive,” Jaskier muttered to himself, “you can admit that and not have a crush.”

   Except he totally still had a crush on Geralt Rivia.

   He wouldn’t be an idiot to not have a crush on Geralt Rivia.

   An annoyed groan escaped him, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose before he dug through his bag for the keys to his car. Feelings that were almost a decade old was not something that he needed to deal with. He didn’t want anything to focus on besides his job and his music. It was hard to focus on the latter, even when his job left him feeling so exhausted every time that he went home.

   “This is dumb,” he continued to mutter as he approached his car. “I’m dumb. Jesus.”

   “And you talk to yourself.”

   Jaskier was not proud of the surprised squawk that he had let out or how he had practically jumped out of his skin. The chuckle that came after that was more of a rumbling sound, something deep from a chest that seemed to be the size of a tree trunk. Amber eyes watched the younger man try to collect himself, amusement shining while Geralt didn’t move from where he was leaning against his own car. How long had it been since their meeting had ended? Had just sat there for however long?

   Amused amber met annoyed blue while Jaskier’s expression scrunched up into one of annoyance. If he had quicker reflexes than he might have even swung at Geralt before he realized who the voice belonged to. Not that his hit would do anything, anyways. Jaskier was sure that he would break his hand if he tried to hit any part of Geralt.

   “What’re you still doing here?” The teacher turned his back to the other man. An attempt to hide the blush that was rising on his cheeks and to unlock his car, as well.

   “Waiting for you.” Geralt made it sound like that was the most casual thing on earth.

   The younger man cast a curious glance over his shoulder, tugging the door to his car open to toss his bag onto the passenger seat. It was hard to tell if Geralt was being genuine and that brought up the question of why he would be waiting for Jaskier. It wasn’t like he had left that big of an impression on the man. (Maybe if he had then Geralt would have recognized him when he had stepped into his classroom instead of recognizing him by name).

   “Why are you waiting for me?”

   The question seemed to be what got to the other man. His demeanor shifting in a tiny way that anyone else probably wouldn’t have noticed. But Jaskier was almost familiar with the shift, had seen if happen years ago. Not to mention the fact that he was trying his best to not stare openly at the mountain of the man before him and seemed to be failing. Miserably. And very, very noticeably.

   “I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out for drinks.”

   Brain short circuiting, Jaskier turned to stare up at Geralt with an incredulous expression. “ Oh .”