#keep writing essays on c!dream's trauma he is a person

[brightest-star2]

c!dream /gen scared me sometimes and that's honestly just proof to how impressive of an actor Dream is and makes me like the character more

I like him! as an evil villain!

normalize liking characters while strongly disagreeing with their actions without the need to justify it

yes I am able to perceive c!dream as a deep and traumatized and complicated character but on the other hand consider this. Evil unhinged mastermind villain c!dream is FUN

and I geniuely believed cc!dream had just as much fun playing his character like this

[ruby-whistler]

a complete list of my writing and analysis

[ updated: 29/08/2021 ]

PSA's and the like:

- therapy vs. emotional support - on excusing c!tommy's actions because of ptsd - static vs. dynamic characters on the dream smp (outdated) - important things to keep in mind during analysis and discussions - characters aren't synonymous with their past actions - the dehumanization of c!dream in the dsmp fandom - tag your positive posts! / tag your crit! - welcome to dreblr - the unofficial guide

memes and joke posts:

- what freaks out the dream smp fandom - c!karl & c!dream my beloveds <3 - dream apologist vibes - scratch that no vibes send help - the "i'm you" c!ranboo bit is beginning to make a lot more sense - "fighting with words" and "talking with violence" on the smp - the fandom's both biased and hypocritical apparently - *casually hates on l'manberg again* - "why are you a dream apologist?" - "c!dream and techno are imminent threats" yeah sure- - the five stages of grief ft. ruby (3rd life smp ending) - hermits' vibes by ruby; the only trustworthy source of information /j - l'manberg weren't pacifists nor the victims in the war - ...so c!wilbur said c!dream apologists are partially right - it's "l'manberg" and i take no criticism - why are we here, just to suffer - why friend isn't in wilbur's limbo - look, i don't excuse c!dream's actions. ok maybe some of them- - c!everyone apologists are the best at analysis - apparently we have the most angst and hurt/comfort fanfic. Why - meme through the pain i want him back pls - dream apologists are an unstoppable force of nature - this is how endersmile happened, right - the only valid dsmp citizen meme - oh look i still follow booktubers - i want you all to suffer as much as i suffer dealing with you - i like c!dream for being horrible. fight me. // genuinely love him too - the l'manberg anti salt post - healing fics that remove a character's core trait are not good

creative essays and objective analysis:

- on villains, heroes, and the metanarrative of the dream smp - my perception of the dream smp story and the characters in it - putting ghostbur's death into context - an analysis of c!dream's motivation during the l'manberg war - on l'manberg and c!wilbur's "death of the author" - dehumanization and victim blaming of c!dream part one - please let people have feelings about minecraft rp - dehumanization and victim blaming of c!dream part two - the reasons for the dehumanization of c!dream - c!wilbur was sure as hell gonna be ambitious - c!dream cares about people so much he won't let them care back - why c!dream should (and probably will be) redeemed: an essay - short semi-factual analysis of the prison death scene - there's no redemption before healing - what happened to c!techno wasn't "peer pressure" (best post!) - a scene-by-scene analysis of the original disc war - on blaming characters for c!dream's neglect and abandonment - add-on to the previous point by me and @/simplepotatofarmer - l’manberg was nothing but something to sacrifice for [v. 2.0!] - metaphor on the nature of redemption in narratives - statement on c!dream, justification and sympathy - c!dream's actions aren't based on beliefs; they stem from mindsets - c!tommy didn't deserve exile and c!dream didn't deserve the prison - (c!)dream is afraid of death; a speculative essay - c!dream isn't selfish - c!dream cares even if it hurts him - saying c!dream / c!techno should've left l'manberg alone is naive - with c!techno, c!dream is allowed to be a person, above all else - c!dream isn't the "main villain" and he hasn't "hurt everyone" - saying c!dream never cared is a mischaracterization (by anon) - c!dream isn't manipulating c!ranboo, actually (collab post) - c!dream is very clearly hurt - his trauma isn't loud, but it's there - l'manberg was, without question, built on xenophobia - please listen to the writers of the story about the characters - roleplay is supposed to be collaborative, not pre-written - the dream smp also doesn't need a "lead writer" - the common misinterpretations of c!dream and why no one is right - final disc war analysis and why it makes no sense (by anon) - why i am so attached the c!dream's character - on healing, redemption, and forgiveness - c!dream killed c!tommy to prove he was worth keeping alive - the duel is an example of actions that speak louder than words - the themes of the story line up with c!techno's narrative - c!sam hurts c!dream out of hatred stemming from fear - c!dream in season one was an anti-hero - c!sapnap is a bad friend // and acts like a bad person // + el rapids - yes, morality is a sliding scale! ...they're still all in the grey area! - a c!dream redemption'd fit incredibly well with the story's themes - a pretty long list of loose ends in the dream smp's story - c!dream wasn't owed being cared about, but he was still alone - i love c!dream. he's important to me. and that's okay. - scar is so funny and entertaining and amazing i love watching him - there's a difference between "unrealiable narrator" and "liar" - don't cut the sharp edges off of characters - people have a "minecraft persona", which c!dream used to be - on c!dream's alleged obsession with c!tommy - colour coding in dsmp analysis - by coffee anon!

[mallowstep]

I just thought about this

Do you think the Clan cats might ever have some form of PTSD from eather witnessing another cats death in any form like in battle or another disaster or even killing another cat themselves

I really do want to expand on this

okay matthew from the end of this post here it turns out i have a lot of thoughts and talked for like, almost 2k words about this. sorry. there's a tldr at the end.

hmmmmm

my official answer is, "sure, anything is possible, especially if you want to explore that."

my more rambly answer is...kind of.

we're just going to jump straight in with serious cat talk here, but cats? those mofos are killing machines. they are highly efficient hunters. kind of like people and creating things.

on the other hand, cats are also huge cowards who don't like to fight. hence cat and mouse: the cat doesn't want to go in for the kill unless they're sure they can execute it.

i like to think of them as a very krav maga idea: "we don't fight unless we absolutely have to, but once we go in, we go all in."

so...on one hand, "do cats experience ptsd from killing each other?" feels kind of like asking, "do humans experience ptsd from making things?", and yet, that's clearly extremely reductive.

it's also worth talking about what ptsd is. it's easy to think of ptsd as equivalent to trauma, but it's not.

trauma is, well, traumatic events, ptsd is one possible response. most people who experience trauma do not develop ptsd.

(there's also c-ptsd, but i'm getting to that.)

ptsd is, basically, an overactive adrenaline response, basically. it can look similar to depression and anxiety, but it's not the same. things like flashbacks and triggers are not exclusive to ptsd, or even any specific mental illness. it's normal to experience ptsd-like symptoms after a traumatic event. that's a traumatic response.

ptsd is, instead, the unhealthy extension of that, in time, and possibly severity.

before i go any farther, i just want to say, this is not to say you need to have ptsd to have trauma, that you can't have ptsd/trauma if XYZ, etc., so please, give me the benefit of the doubt here. it's always tricky to word these things in a way that is both clear about what i mean and not harming people.

mental illness is always a tricky subject. trying to fit a sum of many symptoms into boxes will never work, but i am going to lean on it as a tool to categorize and discuss experiences in a general sense.

i also want to mention c-ptsd, or "complex post-traumatic stress disorder." this is a debated diagnosis, in that where it fits into mental illness boxes is argued and it's yet to be included in the dsm, but for now, it's sufficient to think of it as ptsd's fraternal twin.

c-ptsd develops when trauma is prolonged, and there's little/no chance of escape. think kidnappings and child abuse.

it shares a lot of symptoms with ptsd, but it has its own unique cluster of symptoms, especially surrounding relationship issues.

right. we can rule that off for things cats typically experience from battle. but i still want to talk about it.

but ptsd is in reference to human reactions to trauma, which is fine! all warrior cats are at least a little anthropomorphised, or it wouldn't be fun to read about.

okay, before i lose the thread, circling back to my point, the conditions for ptsd are a prolonged response to a traumatic event. i, personally, don't think that your everyday warrior is going to experience this. some amount of battle is normal for cats, yeah?

but i do think ptsd/ptsd-like conditions are quite possible. i'm going to move into a discussion of various characters, now, and i'll put that under a read more.

okay, let's examine a few different cats, starting with mudfur.

why mudfur? because he chooses to be a medicine cat specifically because the battles of being a warrior are too much for him. does this mean he's experiencing ptsd? no, i don't think so. we never see any indication of him having flashbacks or hypervigilance. mind, i have

okay sorry you uh

i took a break to read mothwing's secret

see i've been putting it off bc i knew it was going to make me feel things and lord it did

phew

well i was going to talk about mothwing but first, back to mudfur

i can now confirm that we don't see any evidence of ptsd in him. trauma, maybe, but not ptsd.

which...checks.

next cat, ivypool.

but my ivypool, not canon ivypool, because i gave ivypool ptsd.

if you haven't read it, hedera helix is my canon compliant ivypool series, and you can get the Deets there, but i think "fair is the night" is the piece to focus on here. specifically,

The dark is the same, and the heat, and the way she slinks through the shadows, trying not to take notice. The way every pawstep is echoingly loud, and how she can't catch her breath or find her thoughts over the noise. All that's missing is.

Him.

Maybe Ivypool does still dream.

She hisses, her belt bristling, tail lashing, and raises her paw, claws extended.

what's going on here is that she mistakes tigerheart for hawkfrost.

yes, she has ptsd.

she also has c-ptsd in my writing, but i don't want to talk about this at the moment, because ivypool is complex, and i don't feel like bringing dovewing into this. but no, this is her having ptsd from her (dark forest) mentor trying to kill her. a cat she, at least on some level, trusted turning on her and attempting to kill her.

so for ivypool, it's the unexpected that traumatizes her.

which i think makes sense: cats don't generally expect to be attacked by those they trust. which leads me into...

character three: bluestar.

now, bluestar is complex because of the dementia, but i think it's pretty easy to say: tigerclaw (a cat she trusts) betrays her, she gets hypervigilant and stops trusting people.

i'm deliberately going short on this because i'm at almost a thousand words and uh,, i just want to talk about mothwing.

mothwing. my baby. my beloved. my beautiful.

fuuuuck okay so i should not have read mothwing's secret because this is going to turn into me writing mostly about that, but i actually knew 90% of what was contained in it through moonkitti videos + doing research for various mothwing related projects.

i think the only thing i learned was the moonkitti scene about bees is actually completely canonical, as written, and that it was possible for me to love mothwing more than i already do.

usually, i'd want to also talk about willowshine, but i'm going to keep my focus on mothwing. willow my love is going to come up, but i'm keeping my focus tight.

mothwing! onto my purpose: mothwing and c-ptsd and religious trauma.

she will get her own essay i have a document titled "mothwing and religious trauma" but with trope-bingo i've been writing the essays less, so bear with me.

anyway. i'm not waffling, i'm just trying to set up a good starting point so i don't ramble past the purpose. and i think...the scene with mudfur and mothwing near the end is what i'm honing in on. (spoilers, duh, but also, you don't need to have read it.)

so mudfur comes to mothwing after the battle, and she turns him away. he doesn't understand, but i do.

religion has been used against mothwing her entire life. her clan used it (inadvertently) to keep her from her purpose, hawkfrost used it to maintain his control over her, and mistystar used it to again keep her from her purpose and passion. (and yes, i have strong feelings about what this does to willowshine, but i'm trying to stay on-topic.)

and then, the first tangible proof she has of starclan is the dark forest. and her brother. attacking the nursery. and her.

and then mudfur has the audacity to say, "yeah sorry we don't know anything! but like why are you still rejecting us?"

(makes me want to rewrite the ending of "if you love me any, let me know it now" actually, i'm angry. not going to, but i want to.)

adfskjl mothwing is my new purpose for existing. i may actually consider changing my blog title from "in this house we lovewing dovewing" to something mothwing themed. i love her. expect a mothwing focus sometime soon-ish.

right, so, i don't think mothwing's perspective needs to be explained here. but...she is very self-aware of her position. she struggles with it. she doesn't want to talk to willowshine about her beliefs — she's grateful when willowpaw just accepts it and doesn't discuss it with her.

mothwing as a character has always been appealing to me. but. again, trying to keep focused, her brother is manipulative and cruel.

(i'm not saying abusive because i don't know if he really is. i'd want to do a proper analysis for that, not just ramble in a blank document for a while. he's toxic, but i try to reserve abusive for abusive characters. i think he is, but i don't know how i would defend that, ergo, i'm avoiding it for now.)

just. her whole life.

she spends a long time trusting others, looking to starclan for answer and salvation, and it keeps letting her down, and others keep using it against her, like a weapon. there's a lot to mothwing, but i'm really trying to stay on topic.

before i get to my closing arguments, some honorable mentions for characters i didn't talk about, but could have:

squirrelflight

feathertail, stormfur, and mistyfoot

dovewing

briarlight. okay she's such a good honorable mention i just have to explore this for a second, but the scene in bramblestar's storm where she's afraid of falling trees is good. i don't know, she seems fairly functional, but she's definitely not "over it."

anyone captured by twolegs.

tawnypelt

bramblestar. before you gasp, he too trained in the dark forest and was manipulated by hawkfrost and tigerstar.

probably a lot more.

so anyway, if you hung around for nearly 2k words to listen to me talk about cat trauma, here's my closing statement:

i think ptsd in clan cats is definitely going to be a thing, but i think, more often than not, it's not going to come from the battle. we looked at several examples where the incident happened during a battle, but i think it's the betrayal that's more shocking than the actual fighting.

i didn't address ptsd from cats killing each other, other than mudfur, and that's...frankly that's because i don't know. it is very hard for me to sympathize with those characters long enough to think critically about it.

like, i can write villain pov, but i don't think i can actually say, "what if XYZ feels bad for killing someone?" even if i was going to write about like, firestar killing scourge, i don't think i could.

not in this context, anyway.

similarly, i think a lot of what we'll see is trauma. cats are already extremely vigilant, and while it's possible to get hypervigilant cats, i'm not sure how often it's going to come out. cats are good at hiding physical pain, ipso facto, i imagine they're good at hiding emotional pain.

which isn't to say that they...you know what? you know what? if you want to come argue with me about human ptsd, you can do that on my main. but i'm talking about cats, and i say that they probably don't experience ptsd because they probably shove away a lot of the external symptoms, and that's mostly how we identify ptsd. this is not an end-all be-all, nor does it apply to people, but i don't know how to begin couching this, and i'm tired.

alright, well...

tl/dr: yes, trauma and maybe ptsd occur in clan cats, but i think it's more likely to be from betrayal than fighting.

dkjl this was a lot if u have follow up qs or just wanna discuss this my ask box is open! <3

[square-blunt]

I have a history quiz due on Sunday, why am I writing this character analysis of a sixteen-year-old minecraft streamer for fun-

I am hyper-fixating on the Dream smp. This has caused many problems for me. I have been in the fandom for a semi-short amount of time, since Tommy’s exile, but I was immediately attached to him, because of the arc he was in and the relationship with c!Dream. I was amazed at how much he actually went through because I only had a quick rundown from a friend. And this ‘much’, I think, actually validates the many ‘controversial’ choices that Tommy has been forced to make. Keep in mind that a lot of these choices that Tommy made were unwilling- and sometimes both of the options have very big consequences. My name is Nix, I kin the gremlin child, and thank you for coming to my very biased ted talk. Essays are just scholarly rants, and I will now rant about this angsty block gremlin child.

I feel like we forget that he is a child. I feel like those who criticize c!Tommy forget that he’s a literal child. He is 16. And he has already been through an unspeakable amount of trauma. It’s almost sickening, the fact that a lot of these adults know what Tommy’s been through, they know that he’s a kid, and yet they treat him like an adult, and they expect him to act like an adult and punish him when he doesn’t. They expect him to make choices like an adult like he hasn’t been traumatized like he hasn’t been through literal wars, saw his best friend get blown up by his brother, had his other brother blow up the country, had his father kill that brother, and then get emotionally manipulated into isolation until he almost fucking killed himself, and then that first brother and his father blew up the same country again with the guy that emotionally manipulated him into almost killing himself. He is still a child. And the adults of the server seem to fucking forget that. Puffy is one of the only people to stand up for him, and yet no one listens to her. Big fucking surprise. But she stands up for him still, because she understands the fact that Tommy is a child and he should not be expected to act like an adult. She understands this. And no one else seems to. Ghostbur treats him well, but that’s because Ghostbur treats everyone well. I’m not saying that everyone should treat Tommy nicely because he is traumatized, what I am saying is that they have no excuse to treat him like shit. These adults should treat him nicely because they should be decent human beings (Or piglin hybrids or half-enderman or furries or whatever else). They shouldn’t be fucking assholes to Tommy especially because he’s been hurt by assholes almost all his life (on the server, I mean). They should be nice to everyone, but especially to Tommy because he’s been hurt so much. The people who believe that Tommy should ‘learn a lesson’ (cough cough Philza) and try and ‘teach’ that lesson through violence (COUGH COUGH PHILZA [and technoblade but like, techno’s an enigma that I’ll talk about later]), like, it’s not gonna work! It hasn’t worked the ten million other times they’ve tried before! Like fucking jesus the kid already lost his disks and his country and half of his family, what more lessons can you teach? Like yeah. Tommy, he has fucked up in the past. He’s made mistakes. But I personally believe that he’s been held more than accountable for all of them. Stop. Using. Violence. To. Try. And. Teach. Tommy. A. ‘Lesson’. 

Most of this does stem from c!Dream and his iron grip on the serve, and I am a firm fucking believer that he was the one to blow up the community house with the sole purpose of framing Tommy. Because that is something Tommy would do. Because he's ‘grown up’ in an environment where the only way to work through your issues is to blow shit up. Tommy knows that there are other ways, but every time there has been a conflict, violence seems to be the only way out. And it is perfectly in line with Dream’s character to know that and use that against Tommy. I think Dream also knew that Tommy would end up going back to Tubbo in the end, too. That’s another thing, I don’t think Tommy betrayed Techno. Like, yeah, Tommy left him, but he didn’t betray Techno in the normal sense of the phrase. One stream before that, Techno legit said “Oh I’ve just been using you as a pawn for my own personal gain up until now but y’know now I actually don’t physically want to kill you so good job I guess. By the way, I’m blowing up everything and killing everyone you’ve ever loved whether you like it or not. You don’t have to help me, you can just let it happen and sit it out I’m cool with that-” LIKE BITCH EXCUSE ME? Tommy has given up two lives, his disks, he’s been exiled twice, his country has been blown up twice (by that point)- and now Techno is telling him that he’s gonna blow it up again? Because you people seem to forget, Techno blew up Tubbo first. Techno. Shot. First. Sure the butcher army didn’t have to go after him when he went into retirement, but Techno shot first intending to kill Tubbo, did that, got away with it other than Tommy yelling at him right after it, and then worked with Dream to spawn withers and blow it up after they killed Schlatt. Sure, Techno gave them gear. But during that, whether he was knowingly contributing or not, Dream was corrupting Wilbur and Techno was contributing. Once again, knowingly or not, he was still doing that. And Tommy realized this. Tommy cares about L’Manburg. He cares about Tubbo. He cares about Wilbur. And Techno hurt all of them. Tommy didn’t forget that. And yeah, Techno stood for Tommy during that whole ‘this guy’s with me’ thing, but like, Techno still offered to hand Tommy over for the favor. Techno could have kept his mouth shut. But Techno still saw Tommy as somewhat of a pawn for his own personal end- blowing up L’Manburg. He said, ‘Oh we’ll get your disks, Tommy, don’t worry, but you know I’m gonna just gonna side with the guy who isolated you from everyone you ever cared about first to blow up one of the only things you have left of Wilbur but you know, government bad, they took everything from me, don’t mind the fact that I killed your best friend and blew everything up no it’s all their fault-’ Techno saw Tommy as an opportunity. Techno didn’t care about Tommy’s well-being, until maybe the day before but even then. (Yes, I know about the ax and Ranboo giving it to Techno and all that bullshit and how he’s hesitant to let anyone in bc everyone has ‘betrayed’ him but he said. To Tommy. Directly. That he was simply using him for his own personal gain). At least Tommy was open about what he actually wanted.

The disks, I feel like, are more than just disks. They represent all the sacrifices that Tommy’ ever made for L’Manburg. Notice how, yeah Tommy wanted the disks back when he had L’Manburg, but that ‘I-want-my-disks-back’ arc really picked up when he was in exile/when L’manburg was taken from him. L’Manburg and the disks are interchangeable. If Tommy has L’Manburg, he doesn’t have the disks. If Tommy doesn’t have L’Manburg, he wants the disks back. And he’s said this from the start. That’s why he gave the presidency to Tubbo was because he knew that he would be a bad president. He wanted his disks back. That want has always been there. But notice that when Tommy gets to Snowchester, he says to Tubbo “I want the disks back.” Not ‘I want L’Manburg back’. Tommy wants the disks. He knows he’s lost L’Manburg, (even tho L’Manburg is the bond between him, Tubbo, and Alive/Ghostbur but that’s a rant for a later date) so maybe he can get his disks back. One thing I should touch on is Tommy’s struggle between choosing his disks and choosing people. Don’t get me wrong, I know that if it came down to Tubbo or the disks, he’d choose Tubbo, but in little things. Like when Tubbo invited him to stay in Snowchester, Tommy didn’t respond but instead asked for his help in getting the disks. Tommy has trouble getting his priorities straight in minor things. I think that’s why Tubbo is such a good fit for Tommy. Tubbo knows that Tommy would choose him over the disks if it came down to it, and Tubbo understands what Tommy has gone through, and Tubbo understands that even when Tommy can get a little too fixated on the disks, he will still put his friends first. That’s what the others don’t get. That’s why, I think, Tommy told Tubbo to give Dream the disks on the 5th. Because Tommy realized that by saying “The disks were worth more than you ever were” he is putting the disks above Tubbo- he’s putting himself above Tubbo. And this ties back into the emotional trauma that Dream inflicted on him, he was told that Tubbo didn’t care about him, that no one cared about him, and Tommy wanted to not be that. Tommy wants to care about people, and because Dream had invalidated what care was shown to Tommy, he believes that that is the bare minimum. He believes that ‘being kind to other people’ is the norm, especially considering the way he was treated before the exile. Dream has made it so, that in Tommy’s mind, the only way to show someone you care about them is to put them above yourself. So by saying that the disks matter more than Tubbo, Tommy is putting his own needs above Tubbo, and therefore, he doesn’t care about Tubbo anymore. And he still cares about Tubbo despite Dreams, and Techno’s, best efforts. He felt that the only way to apologize is to give up what he wanted, to make sure that Tubbo knows that Tommy does actually care about him. Granted this could have completely backfired. Tubbo could have seen that as, ‘If the disks are worth more than me, and Tommy’s giving up the disks like they’re worth nothing, then what am I worth to him?’ but thankful Tubbo knows that Tommy didn’t mean it. Because Tubbo knows Tommy for who he really is when he’s not hurting, or manipulated- when Tommy is Tommy. Not Techno’s sidekick. Not under Dream’s influence. And Tommy knows Tubbo knows.

This is why, in the end, Tommy was always meant to side with Tubbo. Because Tubbo and Tommy have cared about each other from the start, meanwhile Tommy went to Techno at his lowest, and Techno, for the most part, was using him for his own personal gain. Tommy knows that he wasn’t himself, too. When Tommy offers for Tubbo to move in with him, Tommy was doing that as a sign of ‘Hey, I’m trying to heal, I know I’m fucked up, and I need you to help me.’ Tommy is trying to heal. Tubbo, and Puffy, and Ghostbur (Maybe Wilbur will, too) are trying to help him heal. (Ghostbur less so, only because I don’t think he has a proper grasp of how much Tommy has been put through, but he’s trying his best and I love him for it) And maybe, the other adults on the server will start acting like adults and quit expecting Tommy to be one. Tommy is a threat- to Dream. Dream knows that Tommy is the main protagonist, and he knows that Tommy can take him down. He’s tried to turn everyone against him, and it was working for a while. But maybe the others will understand what Tommy’s (and tubbo, of course, but I’m gonna give Tubbo an essay of his own later) been put through, all the choices he’s been forced to make- with all options being not very good, and actually try and help to take Dream down. Because Tommy does want his disks back, but he also wants to make sure that Dream won’t hurt anyone ever again. The disks would just be a plus. I’ve been Nix, and if you couldn’t tell, I am a Tommy apologist.

[bronanlynch]

(bi)weekly media update

apparently I just. do these every two weeks now huh. sorry to the tuesday again no problem extended universe crew for being unable to keep to a consistent schedule

listening: Curses by The Crane Wives, a band that I just started listening to but I like their sound, nice and fun and folksy, lots of songs with ominous lyrics that are good on fanmixes

honorary mention to the new Lil Nas X song because we are all love the new Lil Nas X song, it’s a bop, it’s been stuck in my head on and off ever since I heard it, and I am not immune to sexily blasphemous music videos

reading: finished Smoke & Ashes, the most recent book in the Kate Kane series that I talked about last week, and I enjoyed it a lot but there sure is a cliffhanger and afaik no set release date for the next one. it’s pretty angsty but does have lots of nice moments of hope, and some discussion about recovering from both depression and alcoholism that I appreciated.

also read more romance novels, and I appreciate that Cat Sebastian, like KJ Charles, knows how to write about rich characters while making it incredibly clear that hoarding wealth is morally indefensible. it’s like the “wow, cool robot” thing where I want to be told that I’m right for disliking capitalism/imperialism/the military industrial complex, but also I do very much want you to show me the cool robot (hot rich prettyboy in nice clothes)

also finally started Harrow the Ninth today, so I’m sure I’ll have more to say about that next time

watching: speaking of “wow, cool robot,” watched a little bit more Turn A Gundam, which sure does have some cool robots. also some gender. the main character crossdresses to like, hide their identity for fun complicated spy reasons and it’s not treated as a joke or anything? it’s just a thing that they do? and no one comments on it beyond when they were like “hey you have to wear a dress to this event because the people from the moon think our mech pilot is a woman and they can’t know it’s actually you because they still think you’re working for them”

absolutely hate that the guy on the right is just wearing a normal boring suit though like. c’mon man

Zan and I have been watching The Falcon and the Winter Soldier aka the sambucky show each week and my review so far is. well it’s about what I expected. the first episode was incredibly slow and kinda disappointing (Sam and Bucky never interact! the fact that Bucky might maybe miss Steve is never brought up, not even by his therapist, who tbh gives me incredibly bad vibes! if my best friend and the only person I knew from my past fucked off and left me alone to deal with my trauma in favor of ruining the life of a woman who’d moved on from him, I’d be pissed!) (for the sake of not being angry all the time I pretend Steve died instead of did That).

the second episode was more fun, more happens, there’s some incredibly heavy-handed corporate queerbaiting mixed in with some actually nice emotional moments (this article and this thread by the same person have a pretty good summary of All That). the handling of race, uh, could be better tbh. I appreciate what they’re going for, and to be fair the whole show isn’t out yet so it could get better (since some of the problems are tied to, y’know, the overall political problems, i.e. the fact that the villains are a group of people, led by a Black woman, who hate borders and illegally deliver medication to refugees which is somehow a bad thing, I kind of doubt it). but there is something about the way they’re making a Black man the mouthpiece of American imperialism, and the way that the new (white) Captain America who takes the shield when Sam doesn’t want it has a Black girlfriend and a Black best friend who, so far, have mostly just given him motivational pep talks, that doesn’t really inspire confidence. (this article and thread are a good overview of that aspect of the show)

also, I think it’s very funny when people are like “well you can’t say anything about the show yet, only two episodes are out” like. first of all lads it’s a six episode show, a third of the content is a decent chunk to use to form an analytical opinion, and second of all, if something strikes you as Not Great, you’re allowed to feel that way and say that, you don’t have to wait to see if there might be some twist or context that makes the thing you didn’t care for great and fine, actually,

that being said,

(when we watched the first episode, the immediate next thing we did was watch Winter Soldier and I was pleasantly surprised how well it holds up. not perfect obvi but still a solid movie, and the music does fuck)

also watched this very neat little video essay on Victoriana costuming and like, why so much media is set in the Victorian era, and started the c-drama Word of Honor which I’m sure will either be in a future post or just. something I start blogging about normally

playing: the weekend before last was the Beam Saber season finale, which I’ve already posted about quite a bit because it was fun and I love to play games with my friends. played a very fun game of Things, Eldritch and Terrifying by S. Gates this past weekend. it’s a very fun game, with very easy-to-follow rules and lots of helpful adjectives and scene starters, and also just conceptual it slaps (one person is an eldritch terror, the other person is the human that they’re courting. there’s a variant where you play as a vampire. it slaps). we made it uh, more of a rom-com than a horror story but I had a very good time, we told a very cute love story, and we’re gonna try again to make it more horror-y next time.

also I finally started Brigmore Witches and it’s very good and fun. my one complaint is that I want the Whalers to have names, because I enjoy the bit at the beginning where you can eavesdrop on them and some of them are concerned for you and some of them are fucked up about the Overseers invading their home and some of them want to fucking betray you. also, I didn’t realize that the very beginning when you fight Corvo is a dream sequence so I spent the whole fight being like “wait why does he get a gun and I don’t, where are my powers, wait aren’t I supposed to lose this fight for Plot Reasons why is he dead.” also, fucking love the favor that lets you dress up as an Overseer to get into the prison. I do love a good disguise mission

making: citrus chicken (from a cookbook so no link), plus some citrus-y root vegetables. very good if you like orange.

writing: nothing I can share yet for ~zine reasons. yes I have several fandom event weeks coming up that I want to participate in, no I haven’t written anything for any of them yet

[rivkyschleider]

Annotated Bibliography

Winnicott, D. (1986) Home is where we start from. England: London

In this collection of essays we learn of Winnicott’s key teachings, presented to a lay audience.  He explains attachment theory, the ‘good enough environment’, the contribution of the Mother to society, adolescence and the relationship between the individual and their facilitating family group.  He explores concepts of health versus illness through his lens as a psychoanalyst in addition to to his medical background.  It is extremely helpful to see how foundation concepts of personality, the very make up of human emotional development can be applied to such a variety of cultural topics such as monarchy, the Pill and mathematics.  He brings clarity to these issues and offers me a model for applying depth of insight about the subconscious and the effect of early childhood environment on later life.  By uncovering gaps or repression in the individual’s psyche the psychotherapist can facilitate milestones of developmental progress, albeit at a later stage of maturation.

Yalom, I. (2002)  The Gift of Therapy.  US: HarperCollins

This is a handbook of 85 tips and instructions built upon 35 years of clinical practice and teaching.  He paints a picture of a therapist in a way that inspires me to rise to the challenge of training and the ongoing character growth that is so crucial to this profession.  He promotes curiosity, humility and transparency, and breaks away the the image of the therapist as an all-knowing provider of interpretations, or a blank canvas to absorb transference.  He gives a practical guide for mining the here-and-now aspects of the therapeutic encounter to further the process of therapy.  He describes tools  for incorporating the therapist’s own feelings into the mix as well as how to explore dream material, how to take a history and how to look at their present; how their daily life is organised and peopled.  He writes with deep pride on the privilege of helping others find meaning, health and joy.

Skynner, Cleese (1983)  Families and how to Survive Them  London: Vermilion

This was a a whistle-stop tour through all the major themes of child development, identity, attraction, relationships and family dynamics written as a conversation between Robin Skynner, a psychotherapist and John Cleese his former patient.  They discuss the continuum that exists with optimally healthy families at one end; dysfunctional families with inter-generational problems at the other; and the “normal” families in the middle in which we see an expected mix of ‘screened off’ feelings alongside coping mechanisms, defenses and social norms to smooth the way.  Skynner draws on Freudian ideas as well as later work by more recent therapists and analysts who looked at how families work as a system.  Each part affects all other parts of the system.  By considering inter-relationships through the eyes of a typical family we can learn about letting go of inherited mistakes and move forward to optimal family life.

Van Der Kolk, B. The Body Keeps the Score, United Stares: Penguin

This book is about how trauma impacts a person causing long term suffering to victims, their families and future generations.  Using scientific methods such as brain scans and clinically sound investigations, Van Der Kolk looks at how the mind and body are transformed by traumatic events; how neural networks are formed as coping mechanisms and may later morph into unwanted behaviours.  This is followed by a paradigm of treatment that seeks to give individual patients ownership of their narrative, their bodies and a route to self awareness and healing.  Yoga, EMDR, neurofeedback and theater are offered as examples of pathways to recovery and I believe that art therapy is another good candidate for an embodied type of therapy, one that does not rely on talking alone.  This book answered questions about my own pattern of mild symptoms and has opened up the whole field of mind/body connection in relation to trauma and healing.

Axline, V.M. (1964) Dibs In Search of Self.  London: Penguin

Virginia M. Axline has written the true story of Dibs, her client; a talented and sensitive child who was trapped in isolation due to the lack of emotional connection in his life.  Through psychotherapy - play therapy to be precise - he regained his sense of self and was eventually able to thrive, utilise his gifted nature and contribute to society.  It is an eloquent case study obliquely laying out the principles of play and art therapy.  The therapist built the safe environment in which the child could open up and slowly verbalise his deeply felt emotions.  reparation with his parents blossoms.  It is notable that the therapist made it safe for Dibs to express negativity.  This teaches us to think about hostility as a sign sometimes of adequate ego strength for the feelings to be articulated.  In that sense, aggression is a sign of health!  This book is a beautiful testimony to the power of psychotherapy to transform lives.  

Malchiodi, C. (2011) Trauma Informed Art Therapy and Sexual Abuse in Children. In: Goodyear-Brown, P. (ed.) Handbook of Child Sexual Abuse: Identification, Assessment and Treatment.  United states: John Wiley & Sons

This chapter deals with how art therapy helps children who have suffered sexual abuse to articulate their sometimes unutterable experiences in a manner that the therapist can understand while within what is tolerable for the child.  Trauma informed art therapy involves using art materials to address hyper-arousal and to teach relaxation, referencing the specific neuro circuit that is activated by hands on activities of a soothing nature.  The sensory and tactile qualities of art materials need to be taken into consideration, how they are central to trauma recovery, but equally how they may trigger memories of distressful events.  The somatic approach, using colour and shape enables children to locate the place in the body where trauma is held so they can learn to diminish distress.  The author comments on the relevance of culturally sensitive materials and projects.  This has been a rich article for me, linking my reading on trauma, with art therapy for a client group I may want to work with in the future.  

Cane, F. (1951) The Artist in Each Of Us. United States: Art Therapy Publications

This book bridges art and therapy.  It aims to give the reader a means to achieving a richer art and a more integrated life.  It looks at how movement, feeling and thought work together.  I was intrigued to read detailed technical instructions for accessing subconscious material which can be used to reach higher levels of artistic expression and also personal healing.  The case studies record the progress of her students and how transcendence was coaxed up through fantasy, play, rhythmic movements, chanting and other indirect means until it could be released for union with the conscious.  I tried out some of these techniques and was surprised to discover not only the catharsis, but also the unexpected outcomes of artwork spontaneously arising from my own psychological material.  It shows me how the perceptive teacher can awaken in her students their own creativity and direct them to find solutions for subtle or complex inner dilemmas.

Dalley, T. (ed.) (1984) Art as Therapy. An Introduction to the use of art as a therapeutic technique. London: Routledge

This book is an introduction to the theories that underpin art therapy and is broad in it’s range of contributing authors.  We get an outline of the role of art within a therapeutic framework, the manifestation of art as play, as a language of symbols and development.  The historical links between art education and art therapy are explored; the differences and what they have in common; and a possibility for merging the two fields. Each chapter on a specific client group offers insights for working with these vulnerable people in a way that will give direct therapeutic benefit. 

I found the chapter on art therapy in prisons to be particularly enlightening.  The author was clear about the actual constraints of working in that environment, what the pitfalls might be and she presented practical guidance on overcoming them.  She promotes a vision for how arts can transform the most ant-social of prisoners into creative, productive people; this raises pertinent questions for the current justice system.

Price, J. (1988) Motherhood, What it Does to Your Mind  London: Pandora Press

A fascinating book delving into the psychology of mothering written by a female psychiatrist and psychotherapist.  It ties up the concepts of attachment theory with the realities of modern relationships and societal expectations.  It is presented through the lens of a Woman, a woman who lived through her own mother-daughter dynamic, pregnancy, giving birth, breast feeding and the like.  She looks at how our culture and family story play out in our own lives whether consciously or unconsciously.  By normalising much of the natural difficulties of mothering, this book can offer solace in trying times.  

I am a mother of four boys and pregnant with my fifth child, so I am justified to claim that his book ought to become mainstream knowledge.  It is through lived experiences that we can most genuinely form opinions and then reach out to help others in a professional capacity.

Case, C. Dalley, T. (1992) The Handbook of Art Therapy  London: Routledge

This handbook is a bird’s eye view of the profession.  It covers the theories of psychoanalysis and how it intersects with art as well as a detailed look at the practical aspects of employment as an art therapist in jargon-free language.  This gives a beginner art therapist a survival guide for those inevitable first forays into work.  I gained a grasp on the complexities surrounding room set-up or lack of appropriate dedicated space.  A how-to guide on various forms of note taking making use of the same example session throughout the different formats was extremely helpful.  There is clear preparation for supervision, referrals, working in an institution, operating as part of a team versus being isolated and potentially being misunderstood.  Reading this was an important step towards becoming a competent practitioner. 

[yespoetry]

Here's What Resonated With You in 2017

While we don't believe in best of lists, we went through our content over the past year and saw what resonated most with you, our readers, across our different genres and sections. Here's what you loved:

Photography: Christine Stoddard - Mortem et Virginiana 

“Mortem et Virginiana” is a small set of still photos from the pre-production stage of the documentary, “Richmond’s Dead and Buried.” Virginia is a land of vampires, a land of ghosts, and a land of the myths that shaped America. It, like the rest of the Western world, is also changing its attitudes towards death and dying as it attempts to reconcile its past with its present and future. While some tombstones stand resplendent, many more crumble or become enveloped in vegetation, dirt, and other coverings. What will the cemeteries of Richmond, Charlottesville, and Arlington look like in years to come?

Fiction: Leah Johnson - What Surrounds

I cried once and it was 49. No bestseller, same shadows, and a story in the business section of the paper that said he sold the firm to a tech company. And rumor had it he made enough money to retire early. That his Starbucks wife and three kids: two boys and a girl, the oldest, with a name after a constellation, would never have to want for anything. I heard the two boys, twins, as it turned out, were headed to Harvard that fall.

It’s 52 and I’m drowning. I Googled the best ways to go and no search result tells you that underwater is a different type of darkness, but darkness all the same. And the impact when you hit is different, but impact just as well. They don’t tell you. They don’t tell you. They don’t tell you. They don’t-

#NotTrump Series: Angie Sijun Lou

Amerika is a swimming pool filled with spit, a pile of puke on the nativity scene, a limp dick on Snapchat, an artificial plant dying under a depression lamp & I have been instructed to build a synthetic ontology in all the holy spaces left behind.

  #MeToo Series: Catherine Chambers

What I remember: Orion

the hunter, (it was winter) the joint

in my hand (I was high), the name

of his son (whose mother was being

cheated on), the fact that at least

this way the dying thing in him

wouldn’t get inside me, looking up

at the rain gutter (help me), wondering

which one of us would cry first. (Me again.)

Chapbook: Time Doesn't Exist: Poems for 2017

Essay: Claire Rudy Foster - Mother Said, Nobody Becomes an Artist Unless They Have To

He didn’t answer. He hauled me on top of him and continued, although I pushed him back and turned my face away from his kisses. He put his mouth on my breasts. He smelled like leather that has been soaked in speed and salt, dried in the sun. I knew he was injecting - I tried to think about HIV transmission, Hep C, how the barriers of my body had been breached without my knowledge. I could be dying, right now. This could be the thing that killed me.

My voice shrank in my throat. This is my friend, Scott, I said to myself. What had I done to deserve this?

When he was finished, he said, “Be grateful I didn’t cum.”

Poetry: katixa espinoza - detached

all that would be left are abandoned thumbs /  to remind   to keep sucking

a relic from trauma / oral to phallic obsessions /  use      teeth     

chew on thumbs rather suck / inflict the pain ridden in    body   

thumbs remind me of your body  /  i chew on them until they bleed

a defense mechanism  

Art: Poem by Lisa Marie Basile & illustration by Ted Chevalier 

Interview: Karolina Manko

 I think the internet is definitely the New Age art capital. This is great, because it enables anyone to participate. This can also make finding that specific aesthetic niche even harder. Regardless, I think it’s still important for artists to participate in a physical way: to go to galleries and poetry readings and the opera. I think it’s important to retain a physical space as well as a virtual one.

 Writing Prompts: Focus on Structure, Not Just Content

Review: Joanna C. Valente - What Lady Bird Got Wrong - And What It Got Right

The film is still portraying ideas of privilege and whiteness, with room for little else. While Lady Bird is definitely not rich, and often mentions how she’s the “poor one” who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, she is still much more privileged than most: She’s white, in a middle class family who is sending her to a private Catholic high school. Beyond that, she’s also conventionally attractive, talented, and smart. While she is struggling like any teenager struggles with sex and identity, her struggle is also not unique. The American Dream (one of whiteness, wealth, desire) is there, but the film is not exactly a commentary on its toxicity either.

And really, the film, in a lot of ways, can be boiled down to this: She’s an attractive middle class white person who gets into college. And whose parents refinance their home to make that happen in a private New York City school, nonetheless. Going to college at all is a privilege, but an expensive one even more so.

And that’s where I felt disappointed. What about kids like Miguel or Julie or even Danny? What about the kids who aren’t privileged in the same way Lady Bird is? 

[pussymagicuniverse]

The Babe With the Power: Blending Healing Magic and Popular Culture

I need to start with a disclaimer: everything I say here is based in my own experience, and one person’s experience should not replace professional help or medical advice. I’m in therapy, but I use magic and charms, too. In the past I’ve been on medication, and regularly practised meditation. Sometimes you use several tools from the box to get well.

Anyway. Back to the beginning: five and a half long years ago, in September 2013, I stopped speaking to my mother as a last desperate act of self-preservation. Our relationship was never good; I am a survivor of child abuse and neglect. But even when I was young, I wanted a mother, so as an adult at the time, I was doing my best to ‘fix’ things with her.

“Sometimes you use several tools from the box to get well.” (click to tweet)

Autumn is always a turning point. That September I was 33 years old, a mother myself, and had been living in a different country. Thousands of miles away from her, for years – yet through the miracle of social media, she was still able to upset me and trigger flashbacks at the touch of a keyboard. The end came when she posted a public rant about forgiving someone else for abusing her kids, then pretended she hadn’t said it when I asked her about it.

A good friend of mine was there to be the voice of reason when I felt confused about whether I was doing the right thing – kind, caring parents don’t say and do things like that, they said. I believe some parent-child relationships can be healed, even when the damage runs deep, and I tried to talk to my mother in an honest, open way towards that healing. She came back with incoherent hand-wringing and ranting about how I don’t understand anything. In the end, I blocked her.

“Whenever I feel desperately low, have flashbacks, nightmares, or any of the other awful aspects of c-ptsd kick in, I think it again. You have no power over me.” (click to tweet)

That didn’t cure my c-ptsd. At first it made it worse because I was always worrying about how she’d next try to get in contact, what she would say, and even how she was feeling (they hurt us, but still we love them). But it was shortly after, when I was watching the film Labyrinth with my sons, that I realised the answer was in Sarah’s final confrontation with Jareth, the Goblin King (spoiler alert, but this film is over thirty years old, so I spoiler with a clear conscience) – she can’t remember the line she needs to say to defeat him, and when she does finally remember, she believes every one of the six words and blows the whole kingdom apart: You have no power over me.

It was soothing; it made me sit up a little straighter. This is a mantra I’ve been using ever since, not just where my mother is concerned, but to counter the after-effects of all the abusers I’ve known (there have been a few, unfortunately). It was magic for the character of Sarah in Labyrinth – a film that, from start to finish, places extreme importance on using the right words – and it’s also been magical for me (but magic, in real life, is a much slower process sometimes).

As for my lovely friend who helped me through this change – when I told them about my small but meaningful epiphany, it was comforting to learn they had a similar feeling about the film Drop Dead Fred: when the adult Elizabeth discovers she is strong enough to break away from her controlling mother, the words are I’m not afraid of you. Both lines had the same effect for each of us, the only difference was which film we connected with best as children.

When my mother tries to contact me – it happens, and always with a strange reason she feels I must speak to her, always with a non-apology built in – I think it again. Whenever I feel desperately low, have flashbacks, nightmares, or any of the other awful aspects of c-ptsd kick in, I think it again. You have no power over me.

“Sometimes things are difficult, it’s ok to admit I struggle, but I keep going. Rearranging my brain because of trauma has been necessary and important work, but one thing it isn’t is painless. It has to hurt if it’s to heal.” (click to tweet)

There have been other quotes, from other films. In the months leading up to starting therapy last year, the line ‘It has to hurt if it’s to heal’ from The NeverEnding Story was – and still is – essential. In this movie, Atreyu is on a quest to save Fantasia – a world built by the imaginations of human children – and finds himself seriously injured along the way, then taken in by an old gnome couple, where the wife tends to his wounds and gives him this important advice. It’s in the broader context of the film I find it helpful as well – he’s saving a whole world. He’s already lost his beloved horse, narrowly escapes death himself, and he keeps going. This quote has kept me from the brink very recently. Sometimes things are difficult, it’s ok to admit I struggle, but I keep going. Rearranging my brain because of trauma has been necessary and important work, but one thing it isn’t is painless. It has to hurt if it’s to heal.

These are only two examples of many in my own life. And countless other people are saved by music, books, tv, films, (video) games, art, comics (the list is, as they say, endless) in a similar way, and to me that’s a big beautiful deal. I know I see it my way because I’m a witch, others will see it as it suits them. It’s psychology, emotions. It’s being human and finding comfort and connections where we can. Speaking to my therapist about writing this essay, she agreed with all of the above – including the magic. And when I was explaining how the potential for such magic is given to popular forms of media in no small part because they’re shared by so many people, she said “they have become our mythologies.”

“…magic doesn’t have to be fancy, but it needs to work. For me, if any of it is going to be effective, the most important part is being able to attach real power from within me and direct it outward.” (click to tweet)

She’s right. They are our myths. And we often weave myths into spells, and it comes back to one important rule in my personal practice: magic doesn’t have to be fancy, but it needs to work. For me, if any of it is going to be effective, the most important part is being able to attach real power from within me and direct it outward. Of course, it’s always been important (and fun) learning the meanings of herbs, crystals, colours, animal and dream symbolism, how stars and planets affect us, and so on – but if I’m not connecting the knowledge to a force of my own, it’s all just decoration. And maybe some would dismiss pop culture talismans and chants and charms, but if you put ten tonnes of power and meaning behind them, they’re just as effective and life-changing – and potentially as spiritually resonant – as anything older.

“…maybe some would dismiss pop culture talismans and chants and charms, but if you put ten tonnes of power and meaning behind them, they’re just as effective and life-changing – and potentially as spiritually resonant – as anything older.” (click to tweet)

Born in Southern Ohio, but settled in the UK since 1999, Kate is a writer, witch, editor and mother of five. She is the author of several poetry pamphlets, and the founding editor of four web journals and a micropress. Her witchcraft is a blend of her great-grandmother's Appalachian ways and the Anglo-Celtic craft of the country she now calls home – though she incorporates tarot, astrology, and her ancestors, plus music, film, books, and many other things into her practice. Her spiritual life is best described as queer Christopagan with emphasis on the feminine and the natural world. She believes magic is everywhere. Find Kate on twitter and IG - @mskateybelle - and at her website.

[yespoetry]

Listen to a Recording of Our First Virtual Reading

On Saturday, March 28, 2020 from 7PM to 9PM EST, we hosted a virtual reading on Zoom, the first of a new series called LOVE HAS NO DISTANCE.

The reading consisted of 12 featured performers, two open mic performances, and a discussion - as part of a way to celebrate work, support each other, and bolster collaborative conversations. Below you can find information on each reader, with ways to support them, as well as listen to a recording of the reading itself.

Featured Readers:

Orchid Tierney

Orchid Tierney is a poet and scholar from Aotearoa-New Zealand, now residing in Gambier, Ohio. Her chapbooks include Brachiation (Dunedin: Gumtree Press, 2012), The World in Small Parts (Chicago: Dancing Girl Press, 2012), Gallipoli Diaries (Gausspdf, 2017), and the full length sound translation of Margery Kemp, earsay (Trollthread, 2016). First collection, a year of misreading the wildcats, is out from The Operating System (2019). She received an MCW from the University of Auckland (2010), an MA from University of Otago (2013), and a PhD in English from the University of Pennsylvania (2019). She is Assistant Professor of English at Kenyon College.

Work: a year of misreading the wildcats: The Operating System, 2019; excerpt here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Denise Jarrott

Denise Jarrott is the author of NYMPH (Vegetarian Alcoholic Press, 2018). She is also the author of two chapbooks, Nine Elegies (Dancing Girl Press) and Herbarium (Sorority Mansion Press). Her poems and essays have appeared in jubilat, Black Warrior Review, Zone 3, Burnside Review and elsewhere. She grew up in Iowa and currently lives in Brooklyn.

Work: NYMPH: Vegetarian Alcoholic Press, 2018 Social: Instagram

Stephanie Valente

Stephanie Valente lives in Brooklyn, NY. She is a Young Adult novelist, short fiction writer, poet, editor, and content & social media strategist. In short, she wears many hats. Especially if they have feathers. She is the Assistant Editor at Yes, Poetry and writer at Luna Luna Magazine. She has published Hotel Ghost (Bottlecap Press, 2015), waiting for the end of the world (Bottlecap Press, 2017), and Little Fang (Bottlecap Press, 2018). She has work included in Susan, TL;DR, and Cosmonauts Avenue, and has provided content strategy, copy, blogging, editing, & social media for per’fekt cosmetics, Anna Sui, Agent Provocateur, Patricia Field, Hue, Montagne Jeunesse, Bust Magazine, Kensie, Web100, Oasap, Quiz, Popsugar, among others.

Work: Little Fang: Bottlecap Press, 2018; short fiction here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Angelo Colavita

Angelo Colavita is a writer from Philadelphia, PA, where he serves as Founding Editor of Empty Set Press and Associate Editor at Occulum Journal. He is the author of two collections of poetry — Flowersonnets (ESP 2018), Heroines (ESP 2017) — with work appearing or forthcoming in the Operating System’s ExSpecPo series, Pigeon: A Radical Animal Reader vol. 2, Mookychick, Madcap Review, Prolit Magazine, Metatron, Dream Pop Journal, South Broadway Ghost Society, Luna Luna Magazine, Yes Poetry, Apiary Magazine, and elsewhere online and in print. His forthcoming epic poem, Nazareth, will be released by APEP Publications in 2020.

Work: Flowersonnets: Empty Set Press, 2018; excerpt here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Mark Lamoureux

Mark Lamoureux lives in New Haven, CT. He is the author of four full-length collections of poetry: It’ll Never Be Over For Me (Black Radish Books, 2016), 29 Cheeseburgers / 39 Years (Pressed Wafer, 2013), Spectre (Black Radish Books 2010), and Astrometry Orgonon (BlazeVOX Books 2008),. His work has been published in print and online in Elderly, Denver Quarterly, Jacket, Fourteen Hills and many others. In 2014 he received the 2nd annual Ping Pong Poetry award, selected by David Shapiro, for his poem “Summerhenge/Winterhenge.” He teaches at Housatonic Community College in Bridgeport, CT. His chapbook, Maris McLamoureary's DICTIONNAIRE INFERNAL, co-authored with Chris McCreary, was published by Empty Set Press on Halloween 2017.

Work: Horologion: Poet Republik Ltd., 2020; poetry here

Social: Twitter, Instagram

Taleen Kali

Taleen Kali is a writer, musician, and artist native to Los Angeles. After coming up in the DIY scene as front woman of riot grrrl band TÜLIPS (2011-2016), Taleen debuted her solo act at Echo Park Rising and tours nationally with her band. She's founder of DUM DUM Zine, an experimental publication and literary arts collective named a "cult favorite" by the L.A. Times.

Work: Soul Songs, Lolipop Records, 2018; writing here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Sarah Nichols

Sarah Nichols lives and writes in Connecticut. She is the author of four chapbooks, including Dreamland for Keeps (Porkbelly Press, 2018) and She May Be a Saint (Hermeneutic Chaos Press, 2016). Her poems and essays have also appeared in Thirteen Myna Birds, The Ekphrastic Review, Calamus, and The RS 500.

Work: Dreamland for Keeps: Porkbelly Press, 2018; poetry here Social: Twitter

Genevieve Pfeiffer

Genevieve Pfeiffer is Assistant Director at Anomaly where she is curating a folio on reproductive justice and its intersections (she urges you to submit). She is a writer and poet, and facilitates workshops with survivors of sexual assault and harassment. Her work is forthcoming or has been published in Erase the Patriarchy, Juked, So to Speak, Stone Canoe, and more. She blogs about outdoor wanderings and herbal birth control’s intersections with witches, colonization, and personal and bioregional health at: https://medium.com/@GenevieveJeanne

Work: essay here; poetry here Social: Instagram

Leza Cantoral

Leza Cantoral is the author of Trash Panda, a collection of poetry, and Cartoons in the Suicide Forest, a collection of short fiction, and the editor of Tragedy Queens: Stories Inspired by Lana Del Rey & Sylvia Plath. She is Editor in Chief of CLASH Books. She has published poetry and nonfiction in Luna Luna Magazine, Entropy, Philosophical Idiot, Breadcrumbs Magazine, Cultured Vultures, Quail Bell Magazine, Verse, and A Shadow Map: An Anthology of Survivors of Sexual Assault (CCM). She is the host of Get Lit With Leza, a podcast where she talks to cool ass writers while getting hammered. She has a B.A. in Cultural History from Marlboro College.  

Work: Trash Panda: Clash Books, 2019; poetry here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Zoe Tuck

Zoe Tuck is a queer transgender poet based in Northampton, MA. Author of Terror Matrix and Soft Investigations, co-curator of the But Also reading series, she offers poetry workshops and other services such as literary publicity and marketing, small press consultation, tarot readings, and more. A former member of the editorial collectives of Timeless, Infinite Light and of Hold: A Journal, she also continues to be available for editing services and manuscript consultation. She is currently working on building the Threshold Academy, an experiment in radical pedagogy and a future bookstore + alternative educational space, in Western Massachusetts. Support her as she writes her epic poem here.

Work: Soft Investigations: Daisy Mayhem Books, 2019; poetry here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Lisa Marie Basile

Lisa Marie Basile is the founding creative director of Luna Luna Magazine, a popular magazine & digital community focused on literature, magical living, and identity. She is the author of several books of poetry, as well as Light Magic for Dark Times, a modern collection of inspired rituals and daily practices, as well as The Magical Writing Grimoire: Use the Word as Your Wand for Magic, Manifestation & Ritual. Her work focuses heavily on trauma recovery, writing as a healing tool, chronic illness, everyday magic, and poetry. She's written for or been featured in The New York Times, Refinery 29, Self, Chakrubs, Marie Claire, Narratively, Catapult, Sabat Magazine, Bust, HelloGiggles, Best American Experimental Writing, Best American Poetry, Grimoire Magazine, and more. She's an editor at the poetry site Little Infinite as well as the co-host of Astrolushes, a podcast that conversationally explores astrology, ritual, pop culture, and literature. Lisa Marie has taught writing and ritual workshops at HausWitch in Salem, MA, Manhattanville College, and Pace University. She is also a chronic illness advocate, keeping columns at several chronic illness patient websites. She earned a Masters's degree in Writing from The New School and studied literature and psychology as an undergraduate at Pace University. You can follow her at @lisamariebasile and @Ritual_Poetica.

Work: The Magical Writing Grimoire: Quarto Books, 2020; poetry here Social: Twitter, Instagram

Joanna C. Valente

Joanna C. Valente is a human who lives in Brooklyn, New York. They are the author of several books, including Marys of the Sea, #Survivor (2020, The Operating System), and Killer Bob: A Love Story (2021, Vegetarian Alcoholic Press). They are the editor of A Shadow Map: Writing by Survivors of Sexual Assault and received their MFA in writing at Sarah Lawrence College. Joanna is the founder of Yes Poetry and the senior managing editor for Luna Luna Magazine. Some of their writing has appeared in The Rumpus, Them, Brooklyn Magazine, BUST, and elsewhere. Joanna also leads workshops at Brooklyn Poets. joannavalente.com / Twitter: @joannasaid / IG: joannacvalente / FB: joannacvalente

Work: Marys of the Sea: Operating System, 2017; Xenos: Agape Editions, 2016 (free pdf) Social: Twitter, Instagram

Open Mic:

Zeke Greenwald

Zeke Greenwald‘s work has been featured by the Opiate, Prelude, Join the Dots, Künstler Künstlerin, and others. Check out more of his work at zekegreenwald.com

Work: poetry here Social: Instagram

Daniel Adam Saftler Social: Instagram

Check out the video recording below:

[yespoetry]

Here's What Resonated with You in 2019

While we don't believe in best of lists, we went through our content over the past year and saw what resonated most with you, our readers, across our different genres and sections. Here's what you loved:

Photography: Joanna Valente - “The #SURVIVOR Photo Series Explores What It Looks Like to Survive Trauma”

Fiction: Alex Z. Salinas - “The Savage Screwball”

“Mom stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“I know, mijo,” she said softly. “I know. But me and Lance—”

I hung up on her. It wasn’t that Lance was white—he was—or that he’d become Mom’s boyfriend six months after Dad’s heart attack. It was his predilection to butt into our family affairs, give his two-and-a-half cents when we were good on the money. Lance wasn’t a bad guy, I don’t think, but that didn’t mean I didn’t think him a snake slithering on my property. White people, like snakes, have no propriety when it comes to death and property.

I pictured myself stomping on a snake’s head then sipped my black coffee. It was now lukewarm. It had lost its desired effect—to burn my tongue.

I went back to my book. I read a sentence six times over. I couldn’t comprehend it for the life of me. Bolaño wasn’t Balzac, but I might as well have been blind.

I put the book down again and closed my eyes. I focused in on the song playing in the back. “Maria Maria” by Carlos Santana. I started bobbing my head and was immediately brought back to middle school football, being on bus rides with the boys. Falling asleep, drooling.”

#MeToo Series: Vivien Yap - “Muscle Memory”

“When he reaches out,

I think of science,

I think of you.

Intimacy / Power / Relief

 For when a human flexes his arm,

he hardens,

for someone else to yield.”

Chapbook: Haunted: Tarot Poems

Music: You Need This Queer Playlist in Your Life

Poet of the Month series - Kate Leah Hewett: October 2019 Poet of the Month

“we keep going

because we have places to be today

and errands don’t stop for seeping regret”

Essay: Stephanie Valente - “Guide to Writing Poetry Spells”

“Poems are magic. Reading a good, no great, poem is a certain time of magic. The words wrap and weave around you all on their own. It's infatuating, syrupy, and even intoxicating. It's a bit of glamour for our spirit. It's as if you are enchanted by just mere words.

In fact, poems are so powerful that they transcend ordinary life into something a little bit more. Poems are art. Poems are truth. Poems are fantasies. Poems are wishes. Poems are daydreams. Poems are manifestations. Poems are mantras. Poems are healing. Poems are spells. So, why not write your own spell? A spell that sounds like, acts like, and there fore becomes a poem?

Weave magic in your everyday life with a personal poem. Cast a spell with a poem. Cover your poem with intentions and sigils. Shout it from the rooftops. Or, tuck your poem into a tiny piece of paper and keep it underneath your clothes, or maybe, even in a locket. How sublime is that? Totally sublime. And, completely entrenched in your own personal power. That's magic.“

Poetry: Andrew Hahn: A Faggot Learns to Be Christ-Like

“they need all of me

all at once     bc my body is the temple & the light

 my pussy is their prayer

my body     my heart     my church doors     throb from man’s desire

 i told them not to worry about hurting me

a good boy sacrifices his body”

Interview: Maryan Nagy Captan

“For the past few years, I’ve been enamored with the work of Julie Speed, an oil painter and collage artist based in Marfa, TX. My current favorite piece is titled “Eyes to See.” How does it describe me? I like to think that I am both figures in this painting. As a writer and performance poet, I get self conscious about overwriting or being too insistent in the work. As a reader and citizen of the world, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the amount of information and insight that we’re expected to consume regularly. It can be suffocating. 

However, behind all the chaos of humanity is a bird and a tree and an open window.  I think this aspect speaks strongly to my desire to always find a sliver of hope in everything: an escape, a reminder, a moment of joy.”

Writing Prompts: Use Fantasies and Dreams

Review: Angelo Colavita - “Called into Question: A Review of Samantha Giles’ ‘Total Recall’”

“I moved through this book carefully, light-footed, as though convinced that any sudden movement would wake a sleeping monster, and as I did so I realized the genius behind Giles’ writing: she writes as though she does not have to convince us of anything. Instead, through her prose and deliberate, gradual revelations (and sometimes redactions) of information, she creates within the reader the same self-doubt the narrator experiences. We are convinced of the narrative’s actuality by mode of our own empathy. We experience the same silencing fear running astride a craving for justice. We are at once the helpless victim, the horrified voyeur, and, what’s more unsettling, the violator.

To lose yourself in this book is to bear witness, firsthand, to the victim’s struggle with truth and with self. When what the mind is capable of recalling is called into question by even the speaker herself, we feel violated. This is not a game the author plays, but a necessary deception. After all, our memory, as a function of the mind, defines our identity, composes our history. What are we at all if not products of our minds?”

Art: Kerry Rawlinson

Wellness: Joanna C. Valente - “8 Things That Might Make You Happier & Get You Off the Internet”

“Schedule phone dates with friends

In an effort to get away from the internet, I try to talk on the phone more with friends. Because of schedules and location, it’s not always possible to hang out in person, but phones (especially video chatting) can be a great way to connect with someone and be present, even if just for five minutes.

Making ourselves available and mindful is how we can stay in touch and maintain our relationships. We don’t need epic catch ups; rather, I try to think of it this way: If I can’t find a few minutes for someone, what am I doing that’s so important? Why not?”