#keith forbidden from speaking

[caffedrine]

Keith Howell Sequel 09 - Fan Translation

If you trust me to know what I'm doing, then we have both made a huge mistake. I cannot guarantee accuracy for this fan translation, or even grammatical correctness.

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Tonight, at the Sweet Shop “Nekoen,” the unusual guests were a pair of foreigners.

Licht: “We came here yesterday, and now today again... and on top of that, ordering too much.”

Leon: “Since there are two of us, it’s no problem.”

Licht: “I don’t think I can eat that much, though.”

Leon: “Well then, tomorrow you’ll be in charge of ordering.”

Licht: “Planning to come back tomorrow too, huh?”

Leon: “I plan to conquer the entire menu during our stay.”

Leon: “I wanted to invite Emma and the others, but... maybe I should bring dorayaki for their visit?”

Suddenly, a thin line appeared between Licht’s eyebrows.

Licht: “…What do you think?”

Leon: “Can’t say anything for now. But it’s hard to explain away these coincidences.”

Kagari: “Keith shares that opinion too.”

Leon & Licht: “!?!”

(It's not just me. Everyone else thinks he needs another bell as well)

Kagari: “You’ve kept me waiting. Eat up.”

The unexpectedly appearing Kagari placed steaming dishes on a large tray on the table and sat down comfortably in the empty seat.

Leon: “I didn’t order this food, did I?”

Kagari: “This is my treat. It’s delicious.”

Licht: “Why are you here?”

Kagari: “I’m on night duty tonight.”

Licht: “No way.”

Kagari: “Yes, I am.”

Licht: “Are you willing to spar with me?”

Kagari: “Relax. I’ve been prepared from the start. Just wait a little longer.”

Kagari: “Still, I wish Keith had told us earlier that there are people in the Rose Kingdom who love fighting.”

Kagari: “Mind if I sit with you?”

Licht: “Ask before you sit.”

Leon: “You’re very welcome. It’s better to eat with more people—more people make the meal more enjoyable.”

Leon: “So, what’s the main topic?”

After somewhat clumsily dividing the three portions of food, Kagari swiftly ate a fried flower roll.

Kagari: “It’s rude to keep you waiting for good food.”

Kagari: “But I won’t talk about anything complicated. It’s just a quick check.”

Kagari: “We might need your help in the future.”

~Elsewhere~

I cupped Keith’s cheeks with both hands and silenced him with my lips.

Emma: “No, that’s strictly forbidden.”

Keith: “...”

Keith: “...Even more.”

Emma: “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”

Keith: “........I’m sorry.”

Emma: “I’m sorry. I have no excuse. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize.”

All of her apologies were silenced, and her eyebrows gradually lowered.

Keith: “But I have been hiding something important from you, Emma.”

Keith: “I knew I should have told you... but I didn't.”

(His voice is filled with regret and guilt — I can feel it in my chest tightening.)

His confident posture now seemed so fragile that he looked as if he could collapse with just a touch of his fingertips.

Emma: “...It’s the same for me.”

Emma: “I also sensed that Keith was hiding something, but I pretended not to notice.”

Emma: “I’m sorry.”

Keith: “I was using your kindness, Emma. You have nothing to apologize for.”

Keith: “Please, let me be the one to apologize.”

Which option will you choose?

"Let him apologize" — is not allowed.

“I have already received enough.”

“Then I will punish you.”

Emma: “Then I’ll punish you.”

Keith: “Got it. I’ll accept any punishment.”

Emma: “You agree?”

Emma: “Then, from now on, don’t speak any words of apology. Just accept mine.”

Keith: “Huh, sorry... I—”

Emma: “Did you just say ‘sorry’ now?”

Keith: “I-I’m sorry, no, I didn’t mean it like that just now...”

Emma: “Hehe, just kidding. Please don’t look so troubled.”

In the slightly eased atmosphere, I gaze steadily at Keith.

Perhaps he noticed my intentions behind that gaze, and with a determined look, our eyes met again.

Emma: “...Please, tell me.”

Emma: “What is it that’s been troubling you, Keith?”

The moment I put that question that I’d kept buried deep inside, my heart suddenly started pounding faster.

(I’ve been hesitating to ask all this for a long time.)

(The reason I’ve been holding back is because, by entering Keith’s world, I might make things worse for both of us...)

(And perhaps the root of their trouble is me... That’s why I was afraid to ask.)

(But further delaying it will only crush our hearts more.)

(I can’t keep turning the other way forever.)

Keith: “I was planning to tell you... I was aware that I was causing you anxiety.”

Keith: “But I couldn’t gather the courage to do it earlier.”

He softly relaxed into a somewhat self-deprecating smile and sat beside me.

After a moment of silence, I heard a breath full of resolve.

Keith: “I actually only have vague memories of when I was switching places with him.”

Though I had prepared myself, hearing what Keith said caused my mind to go blank for a moment.

Emma: “It... that means...?”

Keith: “Yeah. It’s a state close to before I met you, Emma.”

Keith: “However, unlike then, I can recall it fragmentarily over time now.”

So, after the switch, he was often absent-minded or lost in thought.

~Flashback~

Keith: “...No, it’s nothing.”

Emma: “Are you feeling unwell?”

Keith: “No, not at all! Honestly, I’m more than fine—probably too energetic.”

Keith: “What did you make this time?”

Emma: “Yesterday’s galette. The one you mischievously ate with such a delicious look.”

Keith: “Ah... right. That galette you made looked very tasty.”

~End Flashback~

(I guess, because they had been switching, his memories had become fragmented...)

Emma: “Do you have any idea what might be the cause?”

Keith: “...Not really, not at this point.”

It didn’t exactly mean “I have no idea,” but rather “I don’t have proof”—that’s how it felt like it was continuing.

(Keith might be aware of the reason why he can’t retain his memory.)

When I first met Keith, it was normal for him not to be able to hold onto memories during the personality switch.

But by facing his past and accepting himself as a person with two personalities, he had become able to retain memories during the switch. The fact that we met and were bound by love was what allowed him to find his true self.

But in reverse, that meant their way of being together, united by love, had become distorted. Even if that was happiness for us, if it was warped and abnormal, cracks would eventually appear.

(What is the real reason why Keith has hidden this problem all along...?)

(Did I think that maybe it was because I loved both of them that I’d feel guilty...?)

The moment I arrived at that answer inside, a sharp pain tore through my chest.

Suddenly, Keith’s thumb touched my lips, and I realized I had tightly clenched my teeth.

Keith: “Emma, you’re hurting yourself.”

Keith: “........”

Keith: “I'm sorry.”

(Even though I’m not at fault... No, the real fault is…)

Keith simply wore a bitter expression and lowered his eyes.

(If this love is the root of all of it, then if I leave Keith and the others, everything will be resolved...?)

(But they don’t want that. I don’t want that either.)

(A life without Keith and them by my side is unthinkable now. I don’t even want to think about it.)

(So, what should I do?)

(If I continue like this, the problem might worsen, or even cause other issues...)

(I don’t want Keith and them to suffer any more... but I can’t come up with anything...)

Emma: “Keith... I...”

The words I forced out were so faint I almost burst into tears, and I clenched my fists so tightly that my fingers turned white.

(I must have sensed that something was wrong... but I was just scared.)

(I’m the worst. I want to punch myself.)

Emma: “Sorry...”

Before I could finish my words, Keith gently cupped both my cheeks and kissed me softly.

Keith: “Just a small return for earlier.”

Keith: “I shouldn’t be the one saying this after making you look like that, but please, don’t blame yourself.”

Keith: “This is our... our problem.”

Keith: “Because you are here with me, we exist.”

Keith: “So please, don’t think it’s your fault.”

Keith’s words were sincere and honest—more than that, they carried a strong sense of guilt.

(I understand Keith is the most anxious, yet I become anxious myself, and because he’s worried about me...)

(Keith decided to reveal his secret with resolve. I should accept it properly too…)

Emma: “Thank you for confiding in me.”

I loosened my tense fingers and placed my hand over Keith’s large one.

Emma: “From now on, I want to work with both of you to find a solution.”

(Another way that allows us not to be apart, something better...)

Keith: “Thank you. Surely, he wishes for that too.”

(Speaking of which…)

Emma: “Is Alter!Keith affected by this problem as well?”

Keith: “No, I haven’t heard anything from him about it.”

Keith: “If there was, he’d be complaining, saying ‘It’s because of you that I’ve gotten caught up in this mess,’ so I’m sure of that.”

(Only the gentle Keith is affected... but...)

~Flashback~

Alter!Keith: “...Yeah, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to lock you in a room, actually.”

Alter!Keith: “At first, it’ll be boring, but if you repeat it, it will become a normal daily routine.”

Alter!Keith: “I…"

Alter!Keith: “ You... don’t mess around.”

Alter!Keith: “Hey, what are you trying to run away for?”

Alter!Keith: “...You tried to kill Emma. There’s no way I’m letting you escape.”

~Flashback End~

(And then, what on earth was that...?)

A cold shiver of unease crept up my spine, but no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t grasp what it really was.

Several days after confiding in Emma about her problems—

When Keith, who had responded to the summons and appeared, Kagari presented him with a sealed envelope without greeting.

Keith: “....”

Kagari: “If you don’t like it, I’ll tear it apart.”

Keith: “No, I’ll read it carefully, thank you.”

After a brief moment of hesitation, Keith carefully accepted the offered envelope.

Inside was a letter written.

~Later~

Emma: “Keith, could you please let me down here?”

Keith, who was carrying me and walking through the castle’s courtyard, blinked in surprise.

Keith: “Please don’t worry about me. Emma, you’re as light as a petal.”

(I think that’s a big deal in itself—though with Keith, it might very well be his true feelings.)

Emma: (Hehe, thank you.)

Emma: “However, since we’re here, I’d like to see the night cherry blossoms with you.”

Emma: “This particularly splendid tree almost covers us entirely — it’s perfect.”

Keith: “Understood. If that’s what you want, Emma.”

Keith: “But if you feel any pain or fatigue, just tell me, okay?”

With the delicate care of handling something fragile, Keith gently set me down on the ground.

(Really, today I relied on him for everything—from morning to night...)

~Flashback~

Emma: “I can change clothes myself, you know!”

Keith: “I beg you, let me help. I don’t want you to feel any pain—even a little.”

Keith: “And, it’s not because I have any improper intentions or anything.”

Keith: “I won’t look while you change, so you don’t have to worry.”

~Later~

Emma: “Keith, is the place we’re heading to now...?”

Keith: “The meeting about the new drug I scheduled.”

Emma: “I thought so. Since I can walk now, I can be dropped off here.”

Emma: “If I were to enter the room while you’re holding me, it might surprise them.”

Keith: “Huh, I was planning to attend the meeting myself…”

Emma: “Huh!?”

~End Flashback~

(After that, convincing Keith was pretty difficult.)

(I repeatedly told him it was a light sprain and that he didn’t need to worry, but he’s very considerate about it...)

(He’s been carrying me the entire way and preparing everything I need...)

(Keith even wraps my bandages so I can walk comfortably, and even the bath...)

While savoring the joy of having my beloved by my side all day, I couldn’t help but feel a faint sense of discomfort.

(Keith’s boundless kindness isn’t strange—of course he’d worry about me when I’m injured...)

(But something feels off...)

—Even now, in this moment, as Keith invites me out to see the night cherry blossoms in the courtyard—

Emma: “Keith…”

Under the fluttering, pale pink flower petals falling with the night breeze, I turn quietly back to Keith.

He’s smiling as usual, as if basking in sunlight — but despite that,

I sense a shadow behind that smile, as if clouds are passing over the sun.

(Every time Keith holds me in a sideways embrace, I can feel his hesitation and nervousness.)

(And even now, as we’re together like this, it hasn’t changed.)

(...The reason I invited him to see the night cherry blossoms isn’t just to cheer him up, I think.)

Emma: “..........”

If I stare intently, Keith’s golden eyes shift away as if trying to escape.

(Keith is hesitating about something. And that hesitation is definitely related to me.)

(Then...)

I gently cupped Keith’s hands and raised them softly, then looked directly into his golden eyes again.

With a firm gaze, I told him everything:

Emma: "I will never be able to surpass you."

Emma: “Hmm........……”

Holding Keith’s hand tightly, I slightly stretched up and pressed my lips to his.

Sharing kisses—breathing in each other’s breath, exchanging gentle kisses that touched our hearts repeatedly.

Keith: “What’s wrong, Emma? To be so bold outdoors today.”

Emma: “Since today has been a day of being thoroughly spoiled by you, it’s my way of thanking you.”

Keith: “Supporting you is only natural.”

Keith: “More than that, I’m grateful you’re letting me help—Huh?”

When I interrupted him with a kiss, Keith furrowed his brows and smiled awkwardly.

Emma: “That was a ‘please don’t say such things’ kind of kiss.”

Keith: “Emma...”

He wore a soft, melted smile, but immediately that expression darkened.

(That shadow has never left Keith’s face since arriving in Kougyoku.)

(In fact, I feel like it’s growing deeper with each passing day...)

Emma: “Keith, may I kiss you again?”

Keith: “Yes, of course.”

I held his hand firmly and kissed him gently again, but I felt that the feelings we exchanged were slowly drifting into the void.

(It's not a lie that I want to thank him for this day.)

(But more than that, I want to soothe Keith’s hesitation.)

(To soothe... No, I want to eliminate it if I can.)

(But what is the true cause of Keith’s hesitation?)

Keith: “Thank you, Emma. I appreciate that you care about me.”

Keith: “I don’t want to make you worried... but I failed.”

Keith: “There’s something I must tell you, and I hesitated to do so.”

Still with a hesitant expression, Keith took out a letter from his pocket.

Keith: “I don’t want to take you back to that place—the place where it all happened.”

His voice, squeezing out painfully, made my chest feel heavy, and I had no choice but to swallow the words I almost spoke.

Keith: “I’m sorry. I know this request is selfish.”

Keith: “You have the right to know why you were attacked... likely even more than I do.”

Keith: “Moreover, to keep you away from this problem is like betraying your responsibility and resolve.”

Keith: “But even so, I…”

The strength gradually returned to Keith’s grip on my hand.

It painfully conveyed how torn he was between his feelings and his concern for me.

(If I had the power to protect myself better, maybe Keith wouldn’t be so troubled...)

(And if I hadn’t injured my foot—)

(No, even if I hadn’t hurt myself, I believe Keith would be just as worried.)

(He’s such a kind person—he prioritizes my safety above everything else.)

Suppressing the overflowing emotions deep in my heart, I looked up at Keith.

Emma: “Thank you for telling me.”

Emma: “I will wait for Keith’s return in the Kuga territory.”

Keith: “Emma...”

The eyes that finally grasped me were filled with relief and guilt.

And because of that, I forced a smile to prevent the confusion in Keith’s heart from growing any deeper.

Emma: “On that note, absolutely do not leave Liam’s side. That’s your promise to me.”

Keith: “...Yes, I promise.”

Keith: “While I’m away, I want you to stay with Leon and the others too.”

Keith: “Being near them will keep you safe. Both you and I.”

(I'm not especially suspicious of Kagari or the Kuga faction, but…)

(Indeed, being with Leon and the others feels more reassuring.)

(This timing might have been fortunate that Leon and Licht are staying in Kougyoku.)

...Fortunate…

Emma: “Did you and Leon’s group promise to meet in Kougyoku?”

~Flashback~

Leon: “Because we want to explore alliances for the future of our countries, I was told Keith contacted me.”

Keith: “About the tea meeting with the Amagase family—what do you think, should I go alone?”

Emma: “Huh........…”

Keith: “I thought we simply didn’t have enough time to properly reunite with Leon and the others.”

~End Flashback~

The “perhaps” that crossed my mind filled me with warmth.

(If that’s true… how much does he cherish me?)

(Despite his current difficult situation, Keith continues to pour his boundless kindness and love into me...)

(It feels like that has only grown bigger day by day...)

(Truly, I’m happy, loved, and grateful... but also a little sad.)

(And I feel like even his kindness directed at himself is being fully poured into me.)

Keith: “...Emma?”

Moved by a mixture of affection and anguish, I unconsciously embraced Keith.

Emma: “It's getting a little cold, so shall we go back to the room?”

Back in the room, Keith gently laid me down on the bed after cradling me sideways.

He immediately tried to detach himself, but I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight.

Even though our bodies should be touching, the loneliness grew stronger, and I kissed him as if to confirm it.

Keith: “I was supposed to thank you a lot earlier, though…”

Emma: “This is a ‘kiss of hoping everything will be fine’.”

Keith: “…I see. Thank you.”

Emma: “…That’s not all, though.”

Keith: “Isn’t it?”

Emma: “Yes. Because... I’m cold, and I want to be warmed up.”

Emma: “…And this is also a ‘kiss to warm me up’.”

Perhaps sensing my intentions, Keith smiled a softly melting, sweet smile.

Keith: “That’s an unfair invitation, Emma.”

Keith: “I was thinking you should rest because of your injury, but when you say things like that... I start wanting more too.”

Emma: “Huh….”

This time, Keith gently pressed his lips to mine, softly making a “chu” sound, then repeatedly kissed me.

As I lightly nibbled at his tender lips, our breaths gradually grew warmer and more passionate—

While separated, I prayed that my love could envelop Keith’s heart.

Until that feeling melted into silence, we both dissolved into the deep night, melting into each other.

~Later~

When I opened my eyes, the familiar forest spread out before me instead of my beloved fiancé’s sleeping face.

Ahead was the closest thing to me — the figure that I could never, ever hope to see with my naked eye, because it was myself.

It was another personality of Keith — more mischievous, more confident, more daring than the generally known Keith Howell.

The other me, that I hadn’t seen for a while, had an almost divine aura, or perhaps a hesitant expression, like something was holding him back.

—Finally, we can have this conversation.

Alter!Keith: “Yeah.”

Until now, whenever either of us wanted to talk, the forest had welcomed us.

But from around the time issues started emerging, we had stopped meeting face-to-face so casually.

—That surprised me a little.

Alter!Keith: “What do you mean?”

—I thought that you weren’t happy about leaving Kuga’s territory behind.

Alter!Keith: “Are you implying I’d forcibly switch and stop it?”

—...To be blunt, that’s probably what I mean.

Alter!Keith: “Yeah, I do oppose leaving him in Kuga’s territory.”

Alter!Keith: “Even with the people from Rhodolite here, I believe she shouldn’t be apart from us.”

Alter!Keith: “Wherever she is, she should stay close to us. If you say she’s important, that’s even more reason.”

—Yeah, I understand what you’re saying.

—Even so, the reason I didn’t speak up this time, there’s probably something I’m thinking of.

Alter!Keith: “......”

Alter!Keith: “If I hadn’t taken her to the tea party, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

The voice that squeezed out was filled with anguish, unlike anything I've heard from his other self.

—You seemed to really want to participate in the tea party too.

—And honestly, I also wanted to keep her within sight.

—What you proposed that time was the consensus of “us.”

—And that injury was no one’s fault.

—No, it’s the fault of whoever set the bandits on us.

—You don’t need to blame yourself like that.

Alter!Keith: “You’re still as kind as ever, Prince Keith.”

—But...

—There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve been hesitating for a long time.

[verecunda]

Final thoughts on The Dark Mile (spoilers):

1. Man, Broster can do tortured characters so well. David Maitland, my poor dear. He's no Keith Windham, but that portrayal of a man who did a terrible thing for good reasons, and who's been absolutely eaten alive by the guilt of it... I was a bit misty-eyed by the end, ngl.

2. Speaking of Keith Windham... NOT EVEN A SINGLE MENTION??? O:<

3. Oh boo, what a cop-out resolution to the forbidden Stewart-Campbell romance. Also I'm just not buying it, from either a psychological or thematic point of view.

4. I love Keithie and his caterpillars. <3

5. No really, not even a single mention of Keith Windham???

6. Olivia was delightful, Jacqueline and Grizel were also delightful, but it needed more Alison and Aunt Margaret.

7. Roger the spaniel was also delightful. Such well-observed spaniel behaviour. <3

8. Yeah, this is by far the weakest book in the trilogy. It's fun, and I'm glad I read it, and if it were just a standalone book, I probably wouldn't have so many gripes. But when it's coming after something as bloody good as FOTH, it's impossible not to compare it, and find it somewhat lacking. :\

9. And just one more time: WOT NO KEITH WINDHAM????

[danwhobrowses]

My Highlights for AEW Wrestledream 2023

There was a dream, a dream of wrestling

And Antonio Inoki sought that dream when he founded NJPW

But now AEW has invited the dangling from its hinges Forbidden Door open again to celebrate Inoki on the anniversary of his death.

Let's see what was good about this show

Spoilers for the PPV

Zero Hour

"She's so sweet, but so dumb, god bless her" Richard of House Starks speaking of Lexy Nair, fiancée of one large William

Props for the Julia vignette, it aired on Collision and apparently someone on twitter helped film it so good for them

Stokely 'Urban Dictionary dot com' Hathaway

TK donning the Inoki scarf with Inoki's grandkids, Shibata and Rocky

Christian Cage Noooooo

Athena doing Billie's jump and Keith's Limitless pose, and then almost blindsided by Kojima XD

Meat chants always a win

Athena saved her minion!

Josh Barnett looks like a leaner Brock Lesnar don't he?

Moxley joining on commentary, showing he's well after the concussion too

I think that's an open invitation to Bloodsport for Claudio

Well, you can tell that Nick Wayne has trained with Darby, mans is bumping

Caster already going for the tentacle porn diss

Sounds like JR is open to scissoring

Main Card

MJF wearing as many belts as he has initials

Picking the right person to massage his shoulders

Alas no tag partner in the corner for Max

Dutch always has a great Bossman Slam

Some Guerrero tactics there, with some added pantomime by the audience

And he hits the bodyslam! The Seattle Stampede

MJF has put over a bodyslam, a double clothesline and a dropkick (Kangaroo Kick) which is proof that with enough charisma any move can be put over

Props to the dude in full Jeff Hardy cosplay

Shibata starting low like Inoki did vs Ali

Thesz drop early just like Inoki took it early vs him for his second ever NJPW match (first was vs Simon Gotch)

Uraken kicked out at 1!

Eddie again winning with the Powerbomb, he meant what he said to Kawada

Dang that crack as Statlander socked Julia

And Julia does have one hell of a moonsault

Brody having to carry his goth daughter back down the ramp

Reminder Julia Hart is 22 in November; younger than Hayes, Stratton, Dragunov, Dominik, Jade, Statlander, Anna, HOOK and more, she is a talent

Starting the 4 way with an International Title preview

and then OC tagging in??

Gunns doing the New Day 'both legal men' attempt

HOOK sold that superkick really well too

"It's always in their hometown huh?"

Nana gets his dance in

Serve remains that guy, so clean

Ooof, taking a trick out of Penta's book eh, Killshot?

Vicious discus lariat there from Hanger

The JML Driver is great too

Mox back on Commentary, he's one flirtation with Excalibur away from being Regal

Ricky's rope walk is just effortless

Ah poor Mox, he can't help but curse it's native to his vocabulary

Seahawks colours for Bryan

Moxley's passion for wrestling is shining through a lot in commentary, if he could control the cussing he could easily be an all timer play by play commentator

It also juxtaposes Nigel McGuinness' anti-Bryan vendetta

Bryan practically walked out of that Romero Special

Hitting the Itoh special with the rollover half crab

GOODNESS that Dragon Screw

I think his head was already fucking kicked in sheesh

That certainly was a technical masterclass, and it doesn't feel like we're done

I'm gonna say it too, give Bryan the IWGP World title. I mean it, he's beaten Okada and ZSJ, he could beat SANADA at like Sakura Genesis or New Year's Dash, have a little run with it, do the G1 and then drop it at Forbidden Door and then he's completed all his career goals

Mox's genuine surprise as he thought Demetrius Johnson was gonna wrestle Kenny Omega XD

I mean that Last Supper artwork is...definitely something

Geez starting with Omega/Ospreay?

People want Takeshita/Ibushi, that tells you how elevated Takeshita has been

Callis trying to contribute to increating the stretch

Ibushi now joining Suzuki in 'he does what he wants', joining the Sex Gods pose

'You still suck' chants because Sammy still pulled off a picture perfect Shooting Star Press

Jericho invoking Omega in the Not Even One kickout

Murder Ibushi activated!

That is the best Ibushi has looked in AEW so far, hopefully he gets 100% for Takeshita

Dang just let Dax and Davis slap each other for 10 minutes, Davis has wrestled WALTER I know he has it in him

I've seen enough, I don't just need 10 minutes I need a full tournament of big beefy men slapping man meat; Dax, Davis, Keith Lee, Shane Taylor, Wardlow, Luchasaurus, Butcher, Brody King, Joe, Hobbs, Miro, Brian Cage, Big Bill, etc. let them all fight, give us the whole Buffet

Darby and Christian have done so much work that'll go understated in restoring the TNT title, it's main eventing a PPV!

Also if anyone can will it into existence we need Christian to start calling himself the Turtle Neck Titan, you know because Turtlenecks but also TNT

Hoisted by his own petard, blinded by the turtle neck

I mean Nick Wayne's mom is hot you gotta shoot your shot

Well that is for sure a Darby Allin bump, right on the steps twice over

Frog Splash onto a stretcher!

And a Killswitch on the canvas boards!

Scorpion Death Drop and Coffin Drop on the boards only for two

Nick Wayne heel turn

You think you know him? Adam Copeland is All Elite! And he brought Metalingus with him

He was so excited he glided through the smoke!

Edge, Christian and Sting all in the same ring what year is it? what timeline is it? WHAT IS IT???

Conclusion

Well that was a lot of fun.

Compared to No Mercy it was perhaps marginally better for me, again this could be due to being more in the loop with the storylines but stuff like the trios match, the main event, Swerve vs Hangman, the ultimate tekkers match it just clicked. Not a bad match on the card too, though I was rooting for Aussie Open to win, but Bucks/FTR IV will still be great. Plus I still wanted to see Statlander body slam Brody.

I do hope Fénix is okay, he disappeared from the 4-Way and he's the International champion, don't want back to back injury-induced title changes after all. But it was good to see Moxley just out there enjoying himself on the side, probably won't ever get to do it again mind you given all the cussing but still, did elevate the matches.

We've got intriguing directions too; Swerve needs to get somewhere with that W over Hangman (world title? I mean I kinda like Jay White for it, International Title? Maybe too soon), Claudio and Bryan have extended rematch invitations and you know Ricky ain't done with the BCC (still though I wouldn't put him in the BCC, Garcia should have that spot), even the Zero Hour did some development with Billie and Athena's dynamic.

So yeah, probably not better than All In and All Out but still pretty damn good, Inoki would be proud.

Match of the Night: I mean it's the Ultimate Battle of Epic Tekkers right? Hard to really say any match was better than that wrestling-wise. The Main Event is a close second with the drama. Best Entrance: Julia Hart gets this one just ahead of Adam Copeland's worst kept secret, not many flashy entrances in this show, in fact I think OC/Hook and Jericho didn't even get entrances. Best Attire: Again, not many here, most of them were kinda subtle so I'm gonna give it to Swerve so I can give him props somewhere. Best Performance: Tie for Bryan and Zack, masters of their craft, not much else you can say. Spot of the Night: Because Christian dropping Darby on the steps was messy and scrappy, it's Bryan's Dragon Screw that just looked so vicious like I'm sure I saw his foot facing another direction.

[crosbyreport]

Athens, Greece: The birthplace of democracy, drama, and doric columns. After art college, I was psyched when friends invited us to visit their relatives in Greece.

Ever since I was an art student in college, I’d really only wanted to visit four exotic places: Egypt, Rome, the Playboy Mansion, and Athens, Greece. Naturally, I was psyched when some friends of ours invited us to go along on their trip to visit relatives in Athens, Greece. Athens Greece was on my must-see list. This was an especially rare opportunity since one of them actually spoke Greek. In hindsight, had we gone to Rome with someone who spoke Italian, we might still be welcome there today. So without hesitation, we took them up on their invitation and, before we knew it, we were on our way. Thirteen uncomfortable hours later, we stumbled out of the airplane, and into the past. Athens Greece is a very big city. Overlooking Athens, Greece. Athens, the capital city of Greece, reminded me a lot of Los Angeles in that it’s a huge metropolis, spread out over a large area with cab drivers who don't speak English. It’s also a lot like Rome in that the city’s infrastructure is — and I say this without the slightest hyperbole — freaking ancient. Greek dudes hanging out. Still, there’s a real discontinuity between the ancient and the modern here. For example, while Genetically Modified Organisms (or GMOs) are strictly forbidden, almost everyone smokes. Not only that, but cars and mopeds pump out more deadly toxins than Keith Richards during a blood transfusion. In fact, fruit from the city's citrus trees is so polluted you’d be better off eating a chunk of sidewalk. The Acropolis at night. Athens is a very old city, too. But the key point to remember is that Athens, Greece has been a major city slightly longer than LA has—about 3000 years longer. So you have to cut Athens some slack in certain areas — like indoor plumbing. Thanks to pipes that predate the wheel, you can’t flush toilet paper without backing up the sewer system for two city blocks. Instead, you simply put your used TP in a little covered garbage can. Yes, really. Getting around in Athens can be a challenge. And Athens’ advanced age also makes trying to find your way around by car an act of futility, and very possibly, insanity. Roads constantly change direction or name or both, without any advance warning. Street signs are infrequent at best, and misleading at worst. They either preempt intersections by such a large margin that you turn too soon. Or there’s no sign at all and you miss the turn entirely. My dream car (I should probably have bigger dreams). Luckily, you can get around Athens, Greece without a car; most of the sights the average tourist wants to see are conveniently located within a few city blocks. But walking around Greece isn’t as healthy as it sounds. Tiny cars, mopeds and bicycles are everywhere, tearing through streets, alleyways, even driving on sidewalks. I almost got hit by a Smart Car coming off an elevator. Despite their small size, European cars are just as dangerous as big cars, maybe more so, because big cars, you can see coming from a mile away. Whereas tiny cars look like they’re farther away than they really are. Stay on your toes, or you’ll get ‘em run over. Frankly, when you combine Athens’ civil engineering schizophrenia with a citywide disregard for traffic law, you’ve got a powerful argument for public transportation. Comparatively speaking, the Athens Metro rail system was the epitome of order and tranquility. It took us to all the major sights, restaurants and everywhere else we wanted to go, with a minimum of hassle, waiting or urine smell. Greek people eat a lot of the same foods that I do. Outside many of the archaeological sights we visited, we browsed thousands of restaurants. To choose among them, our friends got restaurant recommendations from the locals wherever they could. And from those meals, we were able to make a few observations about Greek cuisine. Olive trees are really old, and olive-y. As the world’s largest producer of olives, it’s no surprise that the olive oil figures heavily in Greek dishes.

And I do mean heavily — we sucked up more oil in those two weeks than the EPA did cleaning up after the Exxon Valdez spill. But olive oil wasn’t the only thing flowing freely at meals. The Greeks don’t skimp on the Ouzo, either. An anise-flavored liquor that supposedly dates back to ancient times, Ouzo is Greece’s National drink, and they have it with every meal except breakfast when they have beer. That's one big, old city. Much to our surprise, Greek restaurants served, almost exclusively, foods grown and produced within their own borders. And while that assures that you get fresh ingredients, it also assures that you can’t get a decent burrito. Like In ‘N Out Burger, the Greeks stick to what they do best. Menus consisted of pretty much the same 20 traditional items. Dishes like Moussaka, Souvlaki, Pastitsio, giant beans, feta salad, fried potatoes, and fried cheese, for example. All delicious, certainly, but if you want Szechuan or sushi, you’re SOL. The changing of the guard, Greek-style. Nice dress, soldier. We first visited the Parliament building to see the changing of the guards. This periodic ritual is reminiscent of London’s changing of the palace guards, only with fewer guards and much smaller hats. In the Greek version, two guards do a slow-motion, goose-step towards their replacements, extending their fluffy, pom-pom-toed shoes high for all to see. On the surface, we weren’t sure how all this pomp and circumstance provided any real security for government officials, nor how the 13-million surrounding pigeons figured into the ceremony. But then, Greece is full of unexplainable attractions. Another such mystery we experienced was the “Lake of the Cave Valley,” a weird natural spring surrounded on three sides by a sheer rock cliff 50 meters high. The water is believed to have the power to rejuvenate the old, the infirmed and, judging from the elderly patrons, the obese, too. There is a roped-off swimming area, but no one really swims as much as they just soak and get all wrinkly. Okay, even more wrinkly, if that’s possible. Truly, the Greeks do things in their own unique way. The Acropolis is still incredible. The Acropolis of Athens After a good night’s rest, we made a beeline to the Acropolis the next morning. “Acropolis” in Greek means “high city,” and it’s where we got the term, Acrophobia, which means the fear of heights. Considering that the Acropolis rises 500-feet above sea-level and is visible from nearly anywhere in Athens, the term was well-chosen. The Acropolis is, more importantly, where you’ll find the world-famous Parthenon — considered “the most perfect Doric temple ever built.” Completed in 432 BC and dedicated to the Goddess Athena, this epic temple was converted over the centuries into, among other things, a Christian church, a Latin church, a Muslim mosque, a Turkish ammo dump and, ultimately, a tourist attraction. Sadly, this once-impressive marble marvel is no longer the testament to an advanced civilization that it once was. Mostly intact until a dynamite mishap by occupying Turkish forces, the Parthenon is now a mere shadow of its former glory. Its few remaining upright columns hint at an architectural genius and aesthetic style rivaled only by Las Vegas casinos. Hate crowds? You’re not going to like the Agora. Those ladies have strong spines. From the Acropolis, we could see the nearby public square known as the Roman Agora. This public plaza provided citizens with a wide open space where crowds could gather to discuss issues of the day, such as what to call people who had a phobia about the Agora. Of course, there’s more to Athens than the many structures surrounding the Acropolis. To take in more of this timeless city, we hopped onto a Hop-on/Hop-off city bus and hopped off at a few other sights such as the National Archaeological Museum. This comprehensive museum was overrun with significant sculptured figures, busts, vases, adornments, and tools from antiquity.

Carved of everything from marble to gold. The art was more amazing when you consider that none of it was done with 3-D modeling software. We could have spent a lot more time exploring this amazing city, but we didn’t want to blow our whole vacation learning. Athens is super old. In the final analysis, Athens, Greece is pretty great. We had a great time in Greece. The country was beautiful. The food was delicious. The weather was close to ideal. And the people couldn’t have been nicer (we asked). Probably swearing or gang symbols… Sure, there were similarities between Greece and other European countries we’ve visited — their ancient culture; their tiny cars; and their obsession with the World Cup — but language isn’t one of them. While Italian can be deciphered through a cursory knowledge of Spanish or French (and vice versa), Greek requires a working knowledge of the Enigma decoding machine. Regardless, Greece is its own country, rich with its own unique heritage, architecture, art and language. So it’s easy to see why they’d be reluctant to forfeit all that in the name of tourism. Sure, there are easier European cities to visit, but certainly none more worthy of visiting than Athens. Although, Santorini and Crete are worth a look, too.

[blogger360ncislarules]

Khiyla Aynne is ready for the spotlight, which she will have tonight on the Paramount+ series Happy Face when her character Hazel Reed does what’s forbidden.

Hazel is the granddaughter of serial killer Keith Hunter Jesperson, better known as the titular Happy Face killer; both characters are based on real people. Aynne spoke to Deadline about her experience playing Hazel and the lengths production went to make her first interaction with Dennis Quaid, who plays her imprisoned grandfather, be as authentic as possible.

The CBS Studios-produced Happy Face is inspired by the true-life story of Melissa Moore, the Happy Face podcast from iHeartPodcasts and Moore, and the autobiography Shattered Silence, written by Moore with M. Bridget Cook.

Jumping off from Moore’s true-life story, the series follows Melissa (Annaleigh Ashford) and her incarcerated father, known as the Happy Face Killer (Quaid). After decades of no contact, he finally finds a way to force himself back into his daughter’s life. In a race against the clock, Melissa must find out if an innocent man is going to be put to death for a crime her father committed. Throughout, she discovers the impact her father had on his victims’ families and must face a reckoning of her own identity.

Moore’s children Hazel and Max Reed are played by Aynne and Benjamin Mackey, respectively.

DEADLINE: This series tackles heavy subjects. What was it like being on set on a series based on real-life events involving a serial killer?

KHIYLA AYNNE: Yes, it’s definitely a heavy subject matter, but we really kept it light and positive between takes. During breaks, we sometimes played Uno and joked around a bit. Our crew was really amazing and such a wonderful cast to work with.

DEADLINE: Episode 5 is a pivotal moment for your character, Hazel. Her mom has successfully kept her isolated from her grandfather even though Hazel has asked a lot about him and shown interest in getting to know him. The two of you connect behind her back, as we can see in the video clip. What can you share about the significance of their chat?

KA: Yeah, episode 5 is pivotal for Hazel, who has some pretty big moments. She is seen first talking with her grandfather, which I think viewers will be shocked about. Some probably will be screaming at my character, saying, “Stop! Why are you doing that? Hang up the phone.” I think what’s going through her head is definitely that he doesn’t seem as bad as her mom and her family have made him out to be. You’ll see how he’s validating her when he says, “You’re not a kid anymore, and you can decide for yourself what you think of me.” She feels the opposite when her mother tells her what to think and what to do. Meanwhile, this man who’s been hidden from her is validating her and telling her that she can make up her own mind and think the way she feels is best.

DEADLINE: From an outsider looking in, though, 15-year-olds think they know everything and don’t realize their parents have their safety and best interest at heart. There have to be repercussions for Hazel, no?

KA: Definitely. Going back to episode one, we see Hazel’s desire to find out where she came from and who she is after she overhears her mother saying that her father is the Happy Face killer. That sparks something inside her as she’s on this journey of self-discovery. This gives her something even deeper to dive into: her family’s past and everything. When we see her speaking with Keith for the first time, we don’t really know where the relationship’s going or what this will mean. He has access to the outside world while being in prison, and for the larger story, Melissa is seeing whether or not they’re going to do a trial for the murder.

DEADLINE: What was your process for getting into character?

KA: It was definitely a hard frame of mind to get into because I’d be speaking with a serial killer. That’s not a normal thing, so it’s very different. Our director, Ramaa Mosley, was very helpful with that. She made some amazing choices, which included having me and Dennis not meet before we filmed any of our scenes. I didn’t meet him for the first time until our show premiered at SXSW in Austin, Texas.

DEADLINE: You never saw each other on set?

KA: Never. We saw each other in passing one time during lunch, but we didn’t meet one another until SXSW. Ramaa chose that because this was both of our characters’ first time talking to each other, and she wanted it to be real. So in the scenes [airing tonight], those phones are real, and we were doing our scenes together but apart.

DEADLINE: Did you feel any pressure about playing a real-life person?

KA: Playing a real person comes with added pressure. It’s not a bad pressure, but you want to do a good job because you are portraying them in a slightly different version. You want to make them proud.

DEADLINE: Did you get to meet Melissa or Hazel?

KA: I didn’t meet Melissa Hazel until after we finished shooting. When I met them, they were so welcoming, so lovely. I gave her entire family hugs. It was nice to see them face to face. We had spoken on social media, privately, before we met. Hazel complimented the series and how I portrayed this version of her. That meant a lot to me. We hung out a lot in Austin.

DEADLINE: Before we go, can you tease what’s ahead for Hazel? She’s making big mistakes and involving other people. This can’t end too well.

KA: What I can say is Hazel has gone through hard times with the bullying she experienced in the previous episodes and hard times with her peers at school. So when [she starts talking to her grandfather], people start giving her attention and thinking she’s so cool. However, she’s making mistakes and letting these friends into her life. You’ll just have to wait and see what else happens for the rest of this season.

[hopetorun]

some real gems in this text from the athletic

[findroleplay]

here’s to giving this a shot!

hi! my name is andy, 20f, looking for someone to do some mxm love plots with me! i’m looking for someone 18+, but also the age requirement isn’t because i’m expecting a lot of smut- im just uncomfortable speaking to minors. in fact, i think plot/relationship development are some of the most important parts for rp, so if you’re interested in anything along these lines like this ask nd i’ll shoot u a msg! <3

literacy: semi-lit/lit

fandoms and pairs. bold is characters i would like you to play, the italicized are characters i would like to play, and if both characters are written normally then i don’t mind playing either role! if you have a specific ship in mind from any fandom, don’t hesitate to ask! i’m most likely leaving a lot of things out in this stuff. also ships with characters 15 and under will be strictly fluff, and 18 and under will only be implied smut:

MHA/BNHA

kirishima x bakugo

todoroki x midoriya

bakugo x midoriya

shinso x midoriya

probably most other ships/ characters, just lmk what ure interested in!

supernatural

castiel x dean

sam x gabriel

i do not do wincest

hetalia (don’t judge me for this one pls)

america x england

france x england

spain x england

i can do a lot of hetalia characters, it’s just england is my absolute favorite character. once again, don’t hesitate to ask if you’re interested in me playing another character/us doing other ships!

camp camp (once again, im begging, please do not judge)

neil x max

max x nikki

nerris x nikki

as i stated earlier, these will be purely fluff. i refuse to do smut for these ships and will not do any adult/underage pairings. thank u for understanding

king’s maker

wolfgang x shin

if someone wants to rp king’s maker w me i will love u forever

voltron

keith x lance

hunk x lance

not much to say here

HXH

killua x gon

leorio x kurapika

i will not do smut for killua x gon!!!!

ocxoc

triggers: scat, adult/minor relationships, bestiality, being unironically cringe

genres n plot ideas: hurt/comfort, medieval, forbidden love, coup d’état, “i hate everyone but you”, us against the world, and many more!

other : i’m cool with any platform you’re comfortable with! i have most social media platforms, but i’m also cool with downloading something new! just lmk your preference!

_

[jilonie]

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝘾𝙍𝙀𝙏 𝙒𝙀𝘼𝙋𝙊𝙉

Jungkook X Y/N

•Future Smut / chapters / love /mafia au /heartless jungkook /love&hate/ romance

𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙪𝙮𝙨:) 𝙞𝙢 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙧 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞’𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙥𝙖𝙙. 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙡𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙨. 𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜💘

sneak peak:

“𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘠/𝘕 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸- 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘰𝘯.” 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳. “𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.”

CHAPTER 1

You were walking. Fast; Really fast. All you could see was black. A darker black than the cloth that covered your eyes. hands. Harsh hands; 6 hands locked on your arms and on your shoulders that you knew would’ve created purple-greenish spots that would hurt like hell. You realized you were in a tunnel speeding through the unknown. Echoes of their keys dangling with one another combined with the never ending tapping of their footsteps irritated your ears. As soon as you lightly shook your head and sighed in exhaustion, you felt a hand against your head violently grabbing a pile of your hair and forcing your head to face forward. “we’re almost there please stay with me” he said. You didn’t know who it was. He sounded soft yet hungry; it was a husky voice that filled your ears and hit every nerve. He sounded rather trustworthy. Rather maybe safe.

Eyesight was still forbidden. Hot air hit your skin at an instant, sending vibrations of satisfaction down your spine as you entered a room and finally stopped.

“I wanna see.” a delicate sound escaped your lips and they knew you weren’t like the others. You weren’t scared of anything; in fact, it amused you.

“Fuck, how is she like this?” one of the men whispered to the other.

“Boss told us she’s a power house. He needs her.” he answered failing to make sure you couldn’t hear. Your red lips turned into a smirk as soon as they placed you on a chair; dead silence filled the room as you waited for the Boss. Strands of hair caressed your cheeks as you waited.

Suddenly rays of light became one with your eyes and he became visible to you. It was the mafia boss. The king of darkness. He was unbeatable; nobody dared to speak of him, steal nor go against. He was quite formally dressed; a serious looking man yet dangerous scars covered the left side of his face creating maps of pathways into the depths of his fearless soul. He scanned your face in surprise of how beautiful you looked. He kneeled in-front of you placing his tattooed hands on the arms of your chair.

“Y/N,” he took a long pause as he tilted his head not breaking the eye contact with his eyes piercing into yours. A painful tint of exhilaration stormed inside you. “You’ll be training with my secret weapon. His name is Jungkook;” he continued, “You know why you’re here young Y/N. Don’t let me down.”

You grew up in the black money, drugs, fame and most of all risk. Your father was the original boss of the mafia. The man even god feared. Lee Keith known as ‘The Boss’, was his right hand man he always relied on. Your father knew you’ve always had this burning flame inside you since the days you smiled as you watched his men kill people; you showed no weakness. As you got older you were the seducer. You’d tend to make the other gangs you’re father was against, gain your trust and told you all their plans and secrets. You were a magical power with eyes darker than the demon but face so irresistible, so stunning; you were a stamp in their memory, difficult for them to forget you.

When your father was killed, your mother took you and ran away from everything and everyone for a good 5 years. You had to be somewhere safe since your protector was dead and all gangs in the dark world your father had beaten, knew you and would die to have you. Until your mafia found you again. You were home.

“Take me to Jungkook.” You spoke in pure confidence even though you knew nothing about him. You had never seen his face however during the fights you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He fought so elegantly yet dangerously; he’d kill numerous people in a matter of seconds and get out with one or two scratches. He’d always wear his mask, even inside the mafia. His face was a mystery; a mystery you wanted to solve.

They dressed you with a mask similar to Jungkooks, black sleeveless top that hugged your silhouette, baggy pants and boots, hair half up half down , purple hair tie paired with fighting gloves. You walked up to the disguised fighter. He was taller than you. Your eyes darted on his arms; his arms exposed of how much he worked out yet the outline of his scars scattered around them were concealed with his tight armor, but still popped out. You noticed a small “Jk” written on the left side of his clothing. He was masked. Your masks became a barrier between both of you. Your only source were your pair of eyes .

“So your the girl the boss has been bragging about?” he said. He sounded rough; a rough angelic voice you don’t hear everyday. You crossed your arms,

“So you’re the Jungkook secret weapon thing right?” You answered.

Jungkook raised an eyebrow and cracked his slender fingers looking at you in amusement. “Okay princess; cut the attitude.” he rustled. You stepped closer towards him and whispered as his eyes scanned your ones. You made him nervous.

“make me.” He liked that. You made the blood in his veins rush in adrenaline of pure euphoria. He saw you as a challenge. He wanted to make you just like him.

“ I wanna see you fight.” the tone of his voice darkened.

“I wanna see your face.” You answered back causing your mask to change shape as you smiled. He laughed shaking his head in irony as he stretched his arm exposing his sculpted biceps that led your mind to a whole new world of pleasuring thoughts about him. “Who made you think your that special love?” he answered.

You tapped his nose with your gloved finger, “Oh i am.”

You both trained like animals for a month, restless. You trained with other fighters but you both exchanged looks here and there. You could feel rays of energy blossom inside you whenever he watched you fight. It’s funny how much of an impact he had on you. The thing was, that it was two sided. He impressed you and he knew it; whenever you were around he’d do some flips kicks and tricks in hopes of catching your attention.

Your break had just started after a long session of fights and shooting. you panted so hard sweat was dripping down your pink cheeks. Your vision blurred and your head spun but you could see him coming. That was the first time in a whole week that he’d approach you; his silhouette started running towards you faster and faster as ur sight faded gradually.

“Jung-“ was the only word in your mind as you couldn’t feel your legs anymore.

“Y/N” Jungkook shouted as you felt his hands catching you; then, blank.

You woke up. Laying on a bed. All your eyes processed was the white ceiling. Your head felt like someone banged it on the ground about 100 times; It was logical considering the amount of times you got hit. But you were the best out of everyone except him. Your eyes adjusted to the world as you slowly picked yourself to a sitting position. You were alone. Theres was only a bed, a first aid kit and you.

You couldn’t stop thinking of him touching you as you collapsed even though you felt it for only a split second. His touch felt different from anything else that ever came in contact with your skin. You didn’t know why you felt that way and it killed you; he was the one who broke your stone wall of emotions. He was the weakness. As you sat there you could feel a breeze on your face. You panicked; the mask. Where was it and why isn’t it on you. You touched your bare face missing the feeling of not being trapped around a cloth for the whole day.

The door slammed opened as Jungkook rushed inside in agony looking to see if you were ok. But why did he care? He froze and studied ever corner every angle ever perfect imperfection of your beautiful face with wide eyes. He stood there just looking at you when you felt insecure and looked down breaking the intense contact. You felt your heart in your throat and fireworks blasting in your stomach from what you were experiencing and with who it was.

“Y/N,” he paused as he stood 5 feet away from you watching you sit there on the bed without your mask. He cleared his throat and shook his head trying his best to swallow every feeling, every letter of your name every aspect of you. He took a deep breath and continued as you watched in shock,

“you should continue practicing, you have 10 minutes to get your head straight.” He turned around ready to leave as he displayed his v shaped back to you sending questions in your mind of how would it look like without the cloth on top.

“Jungkook!” Your innocent voice found the courage to flow. He stopped still his back facing you; you didn’t know what to expect. He shook his head and you sat there observing in anxiousness.

“Fuck Y/N don’t say that” He said softly.

“Why? Why are you being like this. I fucking don’t know what it is about you i haven’t even seen your face and-“ You gave up. You felt weaker and weaker as you spoke; even embarrassed. He sighed loudly placing his hands behind his head as if he gave up on everything.

“I know i’m gonna regret this later but i can’t fucking help it.” he said as he walked towards you. He took his mask off and slammed his lips onto yours. A world of breathtaking feelings grew inside you in a matter of seconds as he guided his hands through your hair. Your hearts beating like wild animals trying to break out of your chests.

The world stopped and the barrier exploded in the most beautiful way none of you ever expected. He needed your kiss; he kept kissing you, and you kept letting him to. Finally the kiss broke and you looked at him. He was the most beautiful man you’ve ever laid eyes on. It was a wild beauty. His darkness was only in his eyes yet his face was delicate. His brown hair fell perfectly on his eyes caging the shimmer of his universe which consisted of all shades of black but all kinda of the brightest stars. His jaw a knife and his lips your drug. He still held on to your hair in elegance,

“Please, please don’t stop” You whispered as your voice broke.

“ From the moment i fucking saw you that first time i couldn’t stop thinking about you. You fucking mess me up Y/N and i don’t even know you.” he explained while caressing your cheek with his warm thumb. “Whenever your around you fuck me up; the only thing i think about is you Y/N and how- how you’d look in my arms every night without that stupid mask on.” he searched your eyes desperately trying to find an answer.

“Jungkook we cant be together.” Your eyes were tearing waterfalls as glistening dots of water ran in pain.

“I know.” he sighed his eyes not leaving your lips. You both knew it was forbidden to be together in the mafia. Rules were feelings not to exist what so ever for whatever reason. He kissed you again. The sensation drilled down your spine only by the feeling of his hands on you. Lips against yours. Anything that was Jungkook was your desire. He released your hair and stood up in defeat. His eyes drowned in the worst waters of his storm of emotions. You felt a knife piercing its way down your throat. He was still looking down at you as he spoke

“Practice starts in 10” His voice shaking as he forced these words out of him. He wore his mask and walked out of the room. Your stomach crumbled; Love turned into sorrow. The secret weapon broken.

CHAPTER 2

Your eyes pinned on the door that Jungkook exited from. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t move but your heart said otherwise. It spat strong bullets of blood into your veins and caused tears to fall so quickly you felt like you were drowning in your own pain. Was it because its him, or the fact that it ended just like that? Your mind was nothing but blank. It was either blank or his name.

You swore you couldn’t feel your feet dangling from the bed. It was as if he’d already taken a part of you with him from the moment he placed those soft lips on yours 3 minutes ago. That fire everyone admired about you, that fire that everyone envied about you, blew out because of this boy and the barrier he destroyed that nobody ever could even if they had the best weapons or the longest time in the world. You picked yourself up as your hands tried their best to wipe away the tears and conceal the pain.

You just stood there in silence. The only sound alive, was the sound of your delicate breath trembling as you inhaled and exhaled in hopes of calming yourself down. You started walking out the door, fighting anything in your mind that wanted to stop you from doing so. The scene where he took off his mask and revealed his incredibly handsome face was replayed in your mind on a big screen as if it was something everyone had to see, but in reality it was only for you. He wanted to do this only for you; he took it off only for you.

You felt your legs weaken which made you almost too certain that you wouldn’t make it until the practice room without bursting into tears. You finally spotted the door for the room in the distance and you stopped. You knew he was in there wearing his mask as a shield to hide his pain and not his face. The thought of this made a tint of lightning trail down your spine in the worst way possible.

Your eyes scanned fighters that went in and out the practice room. Each one stopped to look at you for more than a second which reminded you that your mask was missing. You lacked your shield of pain; you lacked the only thing you had left to cover up the mess. You rubbed your arm in nervousness as you found the courage to start heading for the room.

The door was slightly open and you could see fighters of all kind, being occupied with trainers everywhere. That was your chance to get in without anyone noticing and you took it. You trotted inside your eyes fixed on your trainer. You let your long brown hair down in hopes of covering your face that failed to do so.

“Y/N you’re extremely late..” The trainer hissed as his neck vain literally popped out. He was big and his muscles were like big unbreakable mountain rocks that looked even more fearsome with his missing eye.

“I- i’m so sorry, i was just um-“, you stuttered as you struggled to get rid of the idea that Jungkook was there.

“Where is your mask?” he interrupted you, eyeing you as if he’d never seen a beautiful face in a long time. You looked at him with wide eyes; The tension was at its max as you felt a burn trail down your throat.

“I don’t know” you answered while touching the space of your face where your mask was supposed to be. He shook his head in disappointment as he grabbed your hand. It was a grab identical to the one you felt when they held you that first time. You knew he was the one who admired you. He chose to train you.

“Fighters gather round and sit in a circle,” He roared so powerfully you could feel the floor almost vibrate. A sea of masked men covered in black, forming a big circle while having their eyes flaming in hunger was enough to make your fingers tingle in exhilaration. The atmosphere was intense and all 50 pairs of eyes were darted on you.

“You all know Y/N,” Your trainer announced leaving you in a maze of pure confusion. Your heart dropped as you raised your eyebrows looking at him in fright.

“Weapon, step forward.” He continued. Everyone gasped silently as they knew he’d put you up against the Weapon; You felt your lungs and heart igniting altogether as you processed his name. A patch of fighters slightly moved to the side to let him pass through as you darted your vision in that area. You could feel heat boiling up inside you as he stepped forward; he was a dot inside the circle, you were the one he’d have to fight.

You parted your lips in disbelief and looked at him right in the eyes, as you always did before you unraveled his face; It was you and him as everyone else sat around you. He traced you everywhere. His eyes sped in all directions of your body. His red double glazed glistening eyes full of pain were too exhausted to fight, yet the choice wasn’t his and definitely not yours.

“SET, FIGHT” The trainer shouted, his voice echoing ringing a bell in your mind as you took position immediately trying to make yourself think the one standing opposite you isn’t the boy you love. Jungkook took a deep breath and whispered just enough for nobody to hear,

“Come on love, show me that fire that i love about you.” You kicked, he grabbed; you spun, he avoided. You kept on fighting and fighting as if you were worst enemies. He couldn’t beat you easily as you fought just like him. Identical to him. Two flames intertwining causing a deadly fire; That was your connection. He grunted in surprise and growled in difficulty as you tried your best to fight him. Not because you wanted, but because he asked for it. All the fighters stared at your every move intensely, rather impressed of your power against Jungkook. You could hear nothing but the sound of needles digging through your ears yet you strongly felt Jungkooks hands grab every action you did.

You loved it. You loved the pain he opposed on you. It was a burning feeling of euphoria, too strange to explain. He grabbed your legs and pulled as you fell on your back, next thing you knew he sat on top of you pinning your arms on each side as his face was a thread away from yours. His wet hair acted as curtains in-front of his eyes. The heat from his body felt hot on your skin as you panted in need for air; or him. The thought that he was on top of you at that moment made your world flip and his mind freeze. His eyes not leaving your exposed lips.

“Fuck i can’t hide it,i want you,” he growled silently as he held your hands even tighter.

“i- i want you” you mouthed as he picked up each word that escaped your lips.

“Jungkook won this round” Your trainer said as Jungkook got up, shattering the contact between your bodies. He stood and looked at you as you were laying down below him. He couldn’t take the thought that je might’ve hurt you physically after the fight.

“God what did i do to deserve her.” he mumbled on the cloth trapping his lips as he slowly pushed back the hair in his face revealing his perfect eyebrows. He keeps touching you with those eyes but nothing else. He can’t do anything else. Suddenly he got dragged from your vision. The chemistry between you two was so vivid, your trainer grabbed Jungkook and took him further away to talk in private. You panted looking around the room as one of the other fighters approached you to help you get up.

He held his gloved hand out. You noticed a tint of his pale white skin being exposed between the end of his shirt and the beginning of the glove. You placed your hand on his and he pulled you on your feet elegantly. Rose petals fell from your cheeks and covered your body with something that feels like trust. His eyes took over yours as he gazed at your unmasked self. Naked exposed face all for himself. His eyes led to a mysterious ocean filled with whole new blacks and blues. A different beautiful from Jungkooks.

“I refuse to believe how good you are at this.” His voice so seductively soft, impossible to exist. He seemed to be an angel in disguise.

“Thanks” You answered. You flashed an innocent smile as you were about to leave, however he touched your arm and interrupted as you,

“Im Jimin by the way”. His grip felt warm, soft, heavenly.

“I’m Y/N” immediately escaped from your lips.

“i-i know” he sighed; he sounded rather hopeless as he walked away before you had the chance to say anything.

You stood in place rubbing the bruises Jungkook sprinkled all over your arms. A soft smile was formed on your face cause you knew the bruises were left on you as love bites from him. You felt it. Your tight armor was slightly ripped revealing your belly button. You did fight like lions.

Everyone was occupied practicing non stop as you sat against the wall, your legs exhausted and lips dry in need for some life. Faces of nurses dressed in green, on top of you checking you; mending you. You could feel them chatting quickly as they wrapped a wound on your leg in such speed yet smoothly since they do this nearly every 2 hours.

You rested your head on the wall and tilted it to the left as a nerve in your eye identify Jungkook right away. You couldnt resist the attraction even if you tried to swallow every piece of it. He was quite far away yet close. The trainer was talking to him yet his attention was on you. The doors to his soul were concentrated on to you as you could feel your trainer telling him something serious yet you couldnt make up what he was saying. You crossed your eyebrows in heavy concern as Jungkooks expression changed to the worse.

He glared at the ground in immense fright as your trainer started poking at his shoulder harshly. Your stomach dropped 5 stories down and your legs became numb. What was happening? What have they found out? You tried your best to focus on them as your vision became uncontrollably watery. Next thing you knew Jungkook stormed out and banged the door.

•••

2:32 am and you tossed on your bed. Your room. Number 97. It was the newest room made just for you yet rather small. Sleep was against you and the moon wasnt sinking in the ocean any time soon. The only source of light was the lamp next to you but nothing much. It was just enough to process where you were.

“Get out of my fucking mind” You whispered in desperation as you could feel your mind travel from each imperfection to every perfection of him. It was torture for you. You forced a tattoo of the letters ‘cant be together’ on each layer of your brain, but even that wasnt strong enough. Nothing was. Your face met with the palm of your hands and exhaled in exhaustion as you sank in your pillow waiting for the moon to enchant you to sleep.

Torture.

Your door handle twitching was what broke the silence. You shrugged in panic as your covers hugged your legs but he managed to get in. A tall figure was approaching you as your instinct made you throw a punch, yet your mind and eyes failed to process the fast encounter. He grabbed your hand and covered your mouth with his other hand. A familiar touch. You felt an army of sharp knifes break through your spine in a time span of 2 seconds as he held you in place.

“Hey hey princess it’s me, it’s Jungkook” Your eyes adjusted to the darkness and created his features in your mind as you had bare faced Jungkook a thread away from you. His soft voice stroked your ears as your heart lifted causing your body to fall into his arms. His hands shaking as he held your face finally having your lips onto his. The world stopped; you both found home. His hands explored you everywhere as you swathed your arms around his long neck, kissing as if that was it. As if forever wasnt an option. He broke the kiss as you leaned in for more, both lost in eachothers hearts as if everyone else in world disappeared.

“Y/N,” he muted his tone as he placed his forehead on to yours,

“ Your trainer know what’s going on but i dont fucking care. I really don’t, i only want you. Just thinking about your touch drives me insane i-“ he shook his head left and right as he spoke as if he just let out everything he ever felt, he knew it was a sin for the mafia. He sold his soul.

The weapon bloomed into a magnificent rose consisting of breathtaking reds and pinks yet filled with deadly thorns. You hunted in his eyes as you touched his cheek

“I dont know what to do Jungkook i really dont. How about we act like-like we dont know eachother or-“ you tried to come up with something as his eyes reflected hope, he wanted this; he yearned you.

“ Ill do anything literally anything, but fuck ill miss my fingers in your perfect fucking hair.” Before you could even answer you felt his lips mark sloppy kisses on your neck as you lolled your head back feeling every nerve of your body boil in pleasure.

“Jungkook i-“ You forgot how to speak as you held on to his shredded arms. Those sinewy arms of his, left you breathless only by the thought of them on you; You felt his muscles clench and unclench as he grabbed your waist tightly. You lost it. you wanted him.

“Y/N im not gonna leave you, ever, i promise on my fucking life.” he kissed you again and again

“Please dont leave me” You panted. Your heaven stopped as you felt the absence of his body from yours. The door was wide open and 4 people grabbed him dragging him out of your room. Panic.

“Y/N” he roared as his powerful outline fought for freedom. “OH MY GOD NO JUNGKOOK” You cried as you were held in place by 4 hands caging your every source of movement.

“Boss was right, inject her” a voice pierced your eardrum and destroyed every grain of hope.

“What are you doing to me? Where the fuck are you taking him?” You unstoppably struggled to break away from them as they held you even tighter. A voice from behind you awakened

“To you? Nothing. But Weapon, you’ll find out sooner or later.” You felt your heart split with the strongest most unbreakable sword not even God could control. Yet again, you went blank.

[duplicitywrites]

First Line(s) Game

Rules: List the first lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and if anyone else notices any. Then tag some people.

tagged by @joeys-piano​, thank you for thinking of me! i always love seeing you on my tumblr dash <3

tagging (if you want): @tomarryherewewhoaagain @twelfthcenturyname @dividawrites @itsevanffs @goldenzingy46 @cauldroncake @phantomato or anyone else who would like to!

lines below the cut! fics are from newest to oldest, in regards to original post date only.

the variety has improved since the last time i did this, i think? which is fun and fresh and sexy. i don’t really think about my opening sentences, i just spit them out and it’s off to the races

1. Infinite | E | 8.1k | complete

When people see his soulmark, they always assume the wrong shape.

2. Boyfriend Knows Best | T | 5.4k | complete

One of Tom’s lesser known skills, just like his ability to speak to snakes, was his skill with passive Legilimency.

3. Souprcux for the Immortal Soul | T | 2.9k | WIP

Harry was wrapping up the last of Voldemort’s Soup Delivery boxes when Voldemort came into the workshop.

4. Harry James [Redacted] | T | 6k | WIP

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly.

5. We Still Have Time | T | 9k | complete

The sun blazes red and gold as it settles behind the horizon of the Forbidden Forest.

6. Terms and Conditions May Apply | T | 13k | WIP

"Good morning, Keith!" Harry called from across the quaint, pothole-free street known as Plumtree Road.

7. The Feminine Urge | T | 1.5k | complete

Tom drags the hairbrush through the thick curls of his hair.

8. Smells Like World Peace | T | 2.2k | complete

“This is a terrible idea. It worries me that I have to tell you that this is a terrible idea.”

9. Magically Delicious | E | 9.5k | complete

Harry and Ron made their way downstairs for breakfast in the Great Hall.

10. Certain as the Sun | E | 7k | complete

Harry leaves in the dead of night on his father’s horse, Hedwig.

[wrestlezon]

liveblog containment post for aew rampage 6/17/22

do you know i also use these to remember what goes on in any given episode instead of just reading a recap? its true. dual purpose. what if i need to show a friend an important segment and i dont remember where it is and i dont want to scrub through the whole replay, huh???

dante vs moxley to start! i love watching dante do his flips. dude straight up has a double jump irl its cool hes fighting a total brawler-type like moxley too oh my god moxley CHUCKING him into the corner right before the pip LMFAO TAZ AND JERICHO BICKERING holy shit i feel sorry for anyone who watches this pip'd you are missing OUT. i need to record and post this bit online for you all dante martin gets so much airtime. why aren't people writing wingfic about this man HUHH ^ my friend admonished me for this comment lmao jericho getting corrected on wrestlemoves by regal... ahh there is the now-classic BCC elbow pummeling. its only a matter of time before the win

swerve and keith lee segment! are they gonna kiss and make up. please dont break up your tag team :)c awww omg keith lee is literally wearing a naruto hoodie. king shit ! team taz has appeared! conflict...

house of black segment!! death triangle vs house of black conflict: picked up again!!!

its the gunnclaimed trios match, and max caster is here to rap!!! lmao i was wondering how he would bring up the wwe thing in a way that wouldnt get him in hot water oh! i didnt realize the "ruffin it" trio had bear country in it the three way scissoring lol... the cut to bowens just going wild and frothing was so good oh! squashed...

hook segment! lmao hes still doing the strong silent type thing. im glad. hes basically serious orange cassidy danhausen!! hook only talks to danhausen huh... thats........... so.................................. sweet

speaking of sweet: willow vs jade!!!! willow has great energy. A+++++++ i love her oh my god jade's outfit omg we're getting stokely on commentary??? YES little cartwheel flip into a shrug... WILLOW lmfao SQUATS i love how color coordinated they are right now and kiera hogan representing: blue UGH i love their OUTFITS!!!!!!!!!! i did like the color composition of how willow's darker layer looked on her other outfit but this is good too. it still has the layering so she can drop the straps, right? thats such a signature move noooo the mid-rampage FULL COMMERCIAL defeat... not unexpected but i thought thered be more. i did like what i saw though! willow had some good bits!!!

beating up willow post-match!!! rude! villainous!! athena to the rescue. the anti-baddie squad LMFAO STATLANDER SLAPPED STOKEY'S BALD HEAD wait was there any confusion about anna/kris/athena being in the anti-baddie squad? who was confused by this

jay lethal is doing a promo... theyre talking up satnam singh

omg that moxley moving graphic for the forbidden door ppv 4 way match for the atlantic title?? EDDIE YUTA SHOOTER TRIOS MATCH???? ftr vs jeff cobb/o khan vs roppongi vice three way double title match? oh man are ftr going to get MORE belts omg??? jericho & lance archer vs moxley & tanahashi on wednesday??? look im not going to bring up the absence of chuck. im not. im trying not to. im just going to expect the bte on monday to bring up how he has probably been 100% distracted hanging out with the dark order. im rationalizing as hard as i possibly can

darby vs bobby fish promo oh my god. kyle's face

bobby: what, are you asking me to a date? to outback steakhouse?

the match jesus what an insane flip from bobby charging into jumping darby and that running dive lmao at them like instant replaying these. they better, its so death defying. gotta milk it lmfao the face on the crowd guy recording on his cell phone ok these replays are getting a little bit too ridiculous bobby heckling the crowd... is he buying time for darby to recover from these rough bumps just grabbling his taint for that pin the commentators: "i think he was doing that by instinct" ok. a decent group in the crowd was doing a long chant. i dont see chuck taylor in the ring. why are you doing such a long wrestle chant for anyone else whoa that transition to an ankle lock was cool oh man THAT transition into a pin was cool. darby wins!

post match beatdown... who is going to appear to save darby from this onslaught lights out??? what the. can't be the house of black right its sting!! lmfao that baseball bat move on kyle. owned damn theyre pulverizing bobby's leg lmfao the cut to kyle made me laugh so hard HIS POOR POOR DICK AND BALLS they keep cutting to kyle being dramatic LMFAO GOD theyre so funny i love them

[abrasife]

They're sitting on one of the school benches together as they typically do, enjoying the first warmth of springtime with an outdoor lunch. They'd sat in comfortable silence for the last few minutes, and it's only as a car drives by that Hugh speaks again, smirking as he does. "Hey, dude. What kind of car does an egg drive?" He allows a pause for contemplation, though not to answer. "A yolkswagen." His gaze darts to Keith, and he sips his water, anticipating a reaction. (Unovasrage)

UNPROMPTED ┊always accepting. ❪❪ @unovasrage * ✶

Having lunch with Hugh was nothing out of the ordinary at all. In fact, if he wasn’t eating lunch on his own, the only other possibility would be that Keith was enjoying the break with Hugh. It was odd, in a way, how he was comfortable eating with him and not other people, but, he supposed, it made sense since he never made any sort of comment or indication of caring what he had brought at all (that is, if Hugh knew of his issues regarding meals anyway). In other words, Keith was grateful that he kept things normal and didn’t make the situation feel uncomfortable.

And the best thing was that even the silence didn’t put him on edge like it would with most people. He’d always worry he had said the wrong thing, but with Hugh, that didn’t seem to ever be the case at all. Everything was so low-stress that simply being in Hugh’s presence was therapeutic. Don’t ever think he’ll say this out loud!

The sound of a car racing by made him lift his head from the glass tupperware he had stored his lunch in, and it was Hugh’s question that drew his attention towards his friend. He stared at him like a deer in headlights, completely missing the humor due to an unrelated thought of ‘what kind of car was a volkswagen again?’. Though, he recovered himself within a second, forcing out a short laugh to at least not let the joke fall flat. 

A yolkswagon yolkswagen? All he could picture was an egg being towed around in a bright red wagon. He wasn’t too informed on cars. All he knew was that the one car sitting in his garage was a red minivan. However, as the joke was related to food eggs, his mind had automatically started shifting towards a forbidden train track again. Egg yolks had a lot of fat in them... he wouldn’t want to eat them. The whites—sure (since they had slightly more protein than the yolks), if animal products weren’t on his list of ‘do not touch’. 

❝ You know, eggs are a super good source of protein because they have all nine of the essential amino acids you need to keep yourself healthy. Of course, you can’t eat that many, since each large egg is thirteen grams of it considering most people need only about forty to sixty grams of it daily. Plus you also need your non-essential proteins too, which eggs don’t give you. ❞ 

[charlottemadison42]

On Good Omens and Faith

Here follow personal thoughts on what Good Omens has meant to me as an Exvangelical. There’s a lot of healing & hope here, but it gets a bit dark first, as worthy stories do.

CW: I wasn’t badly spiritually abused in church, but I’ll be discussing things that are spiritually abusive: purity culture, sexphobia, queerphobia, abortion, mild self-harm, failure to treat mental health appropriately, ableism -- plus the special ways church authority makes all of these especially hard.

I’m personally an atheist but this message is not an argument against faith itself, rather against the specific subculture I grew up in. If you are a person of faith you’re welcome here.

I grew up in the American Evangelical subculture of the 80′s and 90′s, in the Keith Green/DC Talk/Left Behind/Veggie Tales era. I got saved at a Carman concert in sixth grade, and re-pledged my faith just to be extra sure every year at summer camp and youth group retreats.

This upbringing is not unusual. Doesn’t make me special. But its effects were real.

I’m finally engaged in a reckoning with it, in the “I should maybe talk this over with a support group or therapist” sense. I was a worship leader and youth leader at a Vineyard church when I left my faith abruptly in 2007*. It took me ten years to tell my family and friends that I was an atheist. For that decade I didn’t think about it -- but when I confessed to my loved ones two years ago, the processing began in earnest.

If you came up Evangelical, you already know how literal our belief in angels and demons can be in certain strains of the church. Until I was 26, I believed they were real entities genuinely and invisibly at war all around me. The End Times were real and we were in them. The Antichrist was whatever high profile democrat could be weaponized at the moment, the Rapture was nigh, and Armageddon was imminent (which explained why tension kept building in the Middle East).

My church community regularly discussed friends and neighbors’ problems in the language of  demon possession or harrassment: depression was a demon, addiction was a demon, promiscuity was a demon. I was part of casual and formal exorcisms and the occasional healing. No holy water, but there were hours of fervent prayers and tears, speaking in tongues and anointing with oil. It’s like a fever dream looking back at it now.**

Shout out to my other teens and tweens of the Frank Peretti era, forbidden from reading books of fantasy any later than Lewis or Tolkein -- Xanth was forbidden, Hogwarts was demonic. We were given instead (retrospectively) horrifying books about spiritual warfare, Christian takes on historical fiction, and end times fantasies. But they weren’t sold as fantasy to us, it was all real. Adults in positions of power confirmed it over and over. Narnia might be allegory but This Present Darkness supposedly illustrated spiritual truths.

I remember telling a trusted church teacher at age 10 or 11 that sometimes I would get scared at night, in the dark, and feel a palpable terror that kept me awake. They told me with no hint of comfort, “That means a demon is visiting you and sitting on your chest, trying to oppress you with fear so you will sin. Don’t wake your parents or read a book, instead you should pray or read only the Bible until the demon is compelled to leave, either by an angel or the presence of God.” This adult was affirmed by amens and mm-hmms.

I took this teaching to heart. I also understood, by implication, that if the bad feeling stayed with me then I was praying wrong -- that no angel would rescue me that night. I knew that my fear as it compounded in the dark was itself a sin that made God harder for me to reach.

These are not things that should be told to children.

Then there were the prophecies. (read more if this resonates with you, if not I’ll clip it here so I don’t take up your whole screen)

Anyone could prophesy in most churches I attended. Dreams were prophecies, visions were prophecies, vague feelings were prophecies. (That gave nightmares / being hormonal / being really hungry an awful lot of sway at Bible study.)

I had a woman prophesy over me weeping, with her hands buried in my hair, that she felt overwhelming grief for my future child. I was 23.

I have no child, and I harbored the secret at the time was that I didn’t want one -- a rebellion for me as a married woman. I feared she was prophesying an abortion in my future, and I was inconsolable for months at the damning choice that would visit me someday. (As of this writing at age 38 I’ve never been pregnant, for which I give all thanks to modern birth control.) I still wonder what happened to that woman’s child, or pregnancy, or perhaps her desire for a child, that this was her prophecy for me.

I heard much darker things prophesied over other people. I remember career changes (ill-advised) and marriages staying together (they shouldn’t have) and mission trips undertaken (that assuredly should not have been) because of prophesies.

Last, of course, I didn’t know it yet but I had many queer friends at the time. Some of them didn’t know it. We had no context in our small town -- and no corners of the internet to hide in and learn context, because the internet didn’t do much more than access our local library catalog at the time. I was told that demons sat on my chest to oppress me as a child, but I was shielded from understanding what a lesbian actually was until I was sixteen.

I remember feeling vaguely guilty when we prayed over this or that person in youth group, entreating God that they could resist their base urges. We prayed that they could choose a life of abstinence if they had to, rather than enter sexual sin and be cast out. I felt guilty but I still joined the circle to pray.

I’m sorry. I was wrong. Part of me knew it at the time. I wish I had listened to that part of me because that it was correct. There are fragments of my former faith I still treasure, but those prayers were rotten to the core.

Sidebar: Luckily that feeling of guilt bloomed quickly into rejecting queerphobic doctrine. By age 20 I decided I could only attend churches that did not preach homophobic takes on scripture from the pulpit, and that did not advocate/imply advocacy for any particular political party. The reason I mention this: if YOU are currently a person of faith in this position, uncomfortable with what you hear from your leadership, go find a church that’s queer-affirming, gives to the poor, and advocates for immigrants. Live in a conservative area? Create or join a home church. That’s what the early church looked like anyway. Don’t shrug off this responsibility. Shine a light.

Anyway. Several years later, I fell.

I had to step down from multiple church leadership positions in one day. My entire life changed in two months; marriage, job, home, friends, everything uprooted when I could no longer pretend to believe. I didn’t tell my family why everything fell apart, even as they let me crash their couches.

I had wanted to be a good believer. I read apologetics, the mystics, eschatology, theophostics. I taught and attended study groups, I took troubled teens out to coffee, I served the homeless, I waited til marriage. I was in church as many as thirty hours weekly. When I first felt my faith slipping I said “not yet,” and I read the entire Bible straight through twice, in different translations, while journaling through “My Utmost for His Highest.” Then, unsatisfied, I read and annotated the New Testament in interlinear Greek. I gave it my everything.

What could replace all that?

Time, it turns out. And freedom.

Freedom to not think about it was perhaps the kindest freedom. The constant labor of self-evaluation and thought policing that goes into Evangelical Christianity is exhausting. Letting it go of it felt like getting my mind back. Or owning it for the first time, since I never knew this freedom before. I had even been seeking counseling because I was hearing multiple voices in my head at once, all mine, often arguing. That problem vanished the hour I deconverted. I heard only one voice anymore, and it was my own.

For ten years I was free to just not think about it.

When I decided to remarry I realized that I didn’t want to explain to anyone why my ceremony would not include prayers or communion. So I told my loved ones at last that I was an atheist, a decade late. They received it graciously, and I’m sure they had known-but-not-acknowledged it for a long time. I hope they don’t worry about me or pray behind my back for my salvation. But if they do I can’t accept responsibility for it anymore.

Since that confession I’ve finally felt compelled to back at what all actually happened in church. It seemed so normal to me at the time. But wait, it wasn’t:

I exorcised people. I laid on hands for healings. I encouraged episodes of religious rapture, falling out, and speaking in tongues, and as a worship leader I knew the music cues to bring them about (yes, there are certain chord and tempo changes for that). I was present for prophecies that changed people’s lives and might have issued some myself, I don’t remember. I alienated people who didn’t fit in, whether because they were queer or just because they didn’t conform to church culture. I witnessed abuse and had no language to report it or even comprehend it. I hurt people. I was hurt.

I was told there were real demons in my room and I had to pray them away all by myself.

The work of undoing this mindf*ck (sorry friends of faith, that’s how it felt) suddenly turned urgent after being ignored for a decade. I can’t afford therapy, but thankfully Twitter chats and message boards and podcasts exist (thank you, @goodchristianfun​ and @exvangelical​).

And then -- out of the blue -- along came my own personal angel and demon, along with Frances McDormand herself. I watched it on a whim. (Actually no, David Tennant’s hair made me.)

Apparently Good Omens had a few things to say directly to my mindf*cked subconscious:

1) Are you scared of demons in a pathological childhood trauma way? Here, have a helping of this amalgam of your favorite Doctor and scariest ever Marvel villain tearing it up as the demon Crowley.

2) Does your mild bookish personality and respect for the culture you grew up in keep you reflexively deferential to authority, even as it gaslights you and hurts others? Enjoy some Michael Sheen as the angel Aziraphale.

3) Are you stuck still mentally assigning a male gender to the god you always claimed was beyond gender? Boom, meet Her in all Her ineffable wisdom.

4) Are you terrified of the End Times, both as a Biblical horror of childhood and as an adult who reads the f*cking news? Let’s fantasize awhile about a solvable apocalypse (because what would that even look like, yo).

5) Do you keep reflexively binarizing good and evil? Still giving in to the temptation to characterize humans as righteous or fallen, especially celebrities and political prospects? Spend some time on Our Side with Adam, the utterly human Antichrist, as he makes choices that matter -- some goodish, some baddish, all with mixed consequences, because that’s what humans do.

6) Do you need more queer love stories in your life? Yes you do. Yes. YES. Here it is. The good stuff. Whether it’s gay, trans, genderfluid, asexual, agender, metaphysical, whatever (I’m enjoying reading all these takes and more on AO3) it’s a hell of a love story.

Good Omens was a f*cking revelation.

I’m not sure why the show hit me as hard as it did in the Exvangelical feels. It’s not that it’s a perfect show, but it was the right thing at the right time for me, and it brought a truck full of dynamite to the excavation I was just beginning with a trowel and a makeup brush. I finished watching ep 6 and thought “why do I feel like I’ll be thinking about this every single day for years?”

And then I looked down, and lo and behold I had an open chest wound -- inside of which I found the banished memory of a child trembling and praying in terror in a dark room.

There was a lot that I forgot about in the ten years it took me to hike away from Evangelical life. It all came rushing back.

I had forgotten the sweat and cries during exorcisms and the heat of laying on of hands. I had forgotten fits of ecstatic tears of self-hatred and self-denial so strong they were almost blissful, as I sang and chanted mantras like “I am nothing, You are everything.” I had forgotten giving away ten percent of my income until I was 26. I had forgotten the constant mental effort of Being A Proverbs 31 Woman, about submission and complementarianism and feeling responsible to guard the virtue of men by never tempting them. I had forgotten the pressure to not even masturbate before marriage and to become a sexual athlete the night after.

I had forgotten the hours and hours of daily prayers. Every phrase was carefully carved in language my superego ran by my doctrine, to make sure no hint of rebellion ever bled through. I washed words of need and doubt and frustration from my mind so they could never slip between me and my Heavenly Father. I didn’t just want to hide thoughts God wouldn’t like, I would have cut them out with violence if I knew how. As a result I picked and ticced and cut and exhibited symptoms of OCD.

It hurt to remember all of this at once during a BBC Amazon Prime miniseries. It confused me. It confused my spouse. I looked at all these feelings, exposed and piled in a massive dirty heap -- and I spotted the straps I used to haul it around with me for decades. Who knew I could carry all that? The weight of faith?

But I don’t have to pick it up again. I had a new story to help me frame my story. I felt equipped with a flaming sword to face my past and a new syntax to describe the old ideas I'm ready to let go of.

I got to recast Heaven and Hell. I was invited to ask myself whether a cozy cluttered bookshop doesn’t beat them both hands down.

I got to reimagine angels and demons, good and bad, intentions and consequences. I was invited to live in the reality that we’re all of us humans in between, and that I’m probably still overinvested in the value of Good and Bad as yardsticks.

I got to reimagine western history. The show’s perspective of history is very limited and Eurocentric, but it’s also the version of history I was taught at an early age, which made the story a useful lens to deconstruct what I learned before I knew much about critical thinking.

The opening of Episode 3 in particular f*cked me up. First Aziraphale lies to God and She vanishes, then Crowley starts poking holes in the story of the Flood, then at the Crucifixion -- I started breathing hard on my first viewing, experiencing a real physiological threat response. I was loving it, of course, but distressed panicky love.

The second time I watched it I realized what was happening: I was going back to Sunday School to revisit ideas I absorbed before I was fully sentient, and examining them in the light of fully formed adult secular morality. They look different from here.

When God withdraws Her presence from Aziraphale in the first few moments of Ep 3 as he prevaricates (well, lies) I remembered the one great fear of my faithful life: that I could sin a particular sin and as punishment I would be cut off from God’s presence. As a believer in the End Times, that meant the Rapture could occur at any moment and I might be rejected, be left behind to experience the Tribulation.

Now, from some remove, I realize that I always had one fear larger. It’s a thought I never allowed myself to entertain consciously. Good Omens unearthed it like a vein of flowing lava:

If the Apocalypse as my church describes it is real, how could God want it to happen? And if God does, is this a God I want to worship? If I don’t, but I’ll be damned for that, is my faith freely chosen?

Whose side could I really be on, in the End Times, if not Heaven’s or Hell’s?

These are not small questions.

I’m relieved that I answered them a long time ago for myself.

But even after the answering, there’s fallout; a million little knots to untie and ideas to unlearn. We all get to spend our lives doing this sort of archaeological dig through our childhood baggage, I suppose. My Stuff is certainly not unique. It’s just a lot. Same as everyone’s.

But once in awhile a story comes along and helps us with the process. A sharper spade, a better tool for the work. In my case, through Good Omens I received demolition-grade explosives. It gave me a framework, characters, and a personal shorthand to speed my own digging and contextualize what I find.

If your history is kinda like mine -- whether you’re still in the faith or not -- be sure to talk to someone about church stuff from your past. The weird stuff, the dark stuff, the things you did/people did to you that now seem “off.” Even if you’ve grown past the point of “mental illness requires an exorcism” there are still dangerous ideas buried like land mines in our moral matrices. Self-hatred, intolerance, fear of abandonment, fear that failure is damnation, presumption that “we’re” on the “right side” of everything and “they’re” not, fear that we the apocalypse Is Written by powers above and so we can’t change it.

I’m so happy I know a story with an Our Side now.

I’m so happy I know a story in which the true test of devotion to God’s Ineffable Plan is turning away from the dictates of Heaven and turning toward the World.

I’m so glad I met Aziraphale -- so like me, still seeking Heaven’s approval far too late in the game. I’m so grateful he found the courage to walk away, and I’m so glad I did too. I love that I know Crowley now, self-pwning lovelorn disaster demon of minor inconveniences and imagination and free will. I’m so happy Crowley was there to tempt his friend with questions from the start, and to receive him when he was finally ready to break away.

I’m so proud to know Adam and the Them and Anathema and Newt, inept humans trying their hardest against unstoppable cosmic forces, getting it right not just despite their flaws but through and because of them.

I’m so grateful I’ve finally managed to completely swap to female pronouns for God (thanks, Frances). I still love stories about Her, I still enjoy talking theology and religion. And after 20+ years of insisting God is above gender but masculinizing him, it’s about time I switch to thinking of God as Her for a spell to even things out.***

I’m so thankful for the nicest fandom I’ve known in ages and all the glorious queer beautiful amazing body-positive art and writing growing in this fabulous garden.

Confession accomplished.

CM

P.S. I might not have the time/resources you need to chat with you if you’ve had similar experiences or want to discuss. If you need help be sure to reach somewhere healthy to get it. If you witness abuse, online or in church or otherwise -- report it, block it, mute it, shut it down, whatever is in your power.

P.P.S. If you have words of rebuke for me from a churchy place, and/or critiques about gender or politics, sorry, don’t give a f*ck. This is my story to tell and I am secure in my spiritual status. I am free indeed.

++++++++++++++

*Re. Deconversion: Or rather, I had my faith zapped out of me in what turned out to be the truest rapturous religious experience of my life. It happened in a church service; I almost fell out and spoke in tongues with the tingling power of understanding that I was truly and finally faithless. It’s an interesting deconversion story if you're familiar with charismatic church stuff, ask me sometime over tea. It felt like this.

**Re. Exorcisms: Most disturbing was the regular practice of exorcising people who clearly needed professional help for their mental health. I was present when prayers against demons happened over cases of depression, manic depression, epilepsy and other seizures, addiction, schizophrenia, and psychotic episodes. My particular church did acknowledge the role of modern medicine, but felt that the true core of these issues was spiritual and that medication ultimately could not solve a problem of demonic infestation. Looking back now I shudder and weep to think that this happened, that I was part of it once, and that it still happens daily at churches everywhere. It can be unspeakably damaging to the people being prayed over. If this practice happens in your church, leave. If it happens at a church where you’re in leadership, end it.

***Re. God as She/Her:  I encourage you to find your own appropriate pronouns for God, whether you believe in Them or not. For me personally, still reeling from the Proverbs 31 upbringing, She/Her is very healing for now. But gender is a construct etc. etc.

[rendevok]

are you still working on plenty of fish in the sea? I love your art style and the story's so cute ^^

Hi, dear anon. Thank you so much, I'm glad you seemed to like that particular project! However, I regret to inform that i dont really intend to finish the story any longer. It HAS been a year now after all, so my style and interests have vastly changed.

Still, i do believe i owe it to those interested to explain the story as it would have played out (in fact i had a stream on instagram last month where i explained it some), so without further ado... here is the story of Plenty of Fish in the Sea...

-

The story had been organized into words & themes, as you may have noticed. So here is that list and then, my notes on the projected story that eventually devolve into my specific brand of storytelling and very poorly thought out (but cheesy) dialogue. Try your best not to judge me since it would have likely been altered and improved once i worked my way through it, and keep in mind i am 100% an amateur.

cover/prologue

drown/savior

waking up/scale

sighting/caught - (i made it this far in terms of finished/posted art!)

storm/plunge

marooned/together

wound/care

curious/weak

gift/open

missing/heart to heart

ship in the night/hostage

in knots/jailbreak

savior/drown (ll)

scale/waking up (ll) - ^these were intentional mirrors of the first 2 main parts

heart on a string

plenty of fish in the sea

Here are my notes that follow these themes:

The story with a prologue, wherein, a young Lance saves a young Keith from drowning, and Keith is left with the memory of a boy and a brilliantly colored scale

Ffwd to the future, Keith is a sailor (not a captain, sorry) who is secretly hunting this mer with the scales that are impossibly valuable (or so he’s been told his whole life). Sure being a pirate gets him some riches but nothing like what the whole tail of scales would! Keith is not truly sure why he’s spent so much of his life fixated on this scale, but he has. So he’s done everything in his power to learn about mer people (what little there is known) to be able to properly track down and capture this mer.

One stormy night he is disturbed from his slumber, called to the deck for help and soon enough he sees the cause for alarm - a mer has been caught in their nets while the storm tossed it about. And of course its not just any mer, it’s the mer. Keith, being Keith, does what he can in the moment - he attempts to cut the nets free of the ship (after all, this is HIS mer to catch), but not a moment after succeeding in his attempt, the sloshing throws him overboard, and soon enough, he falls prey to the violent crashing of waves, sending him into a chilly darkness.

When he awakens, he finds himself on a shore, and soon enough he realizes its an island - he is in fact, marooned. He does what he knows he should first- look for sources of fresh water and food. He has some luck with the food, though not so much with the water (that has him concerned but not entirely hopeless). In his wanderings about the island, he finds that he is not alone. The merman is there with him, which would be a curious thing, were it not for the nets he’s still tangled in and a wide gash across his back. He attempts to approach to appraise the damage more closely, but is met with the hostile hissing of the merman. Keith does his best to try and reason with him, but he simply does not want his help

However, Keith is not really one to let things be. Never has been. He finds his own food, and a small amount of water. He offers some to the mer (who has managed to untangle himself, though still very much injured) responding with only hisses and glares. Keith leaves the food within reach. This process continues for a day or so, before the mer finally gives in and accepts the food. Keith finally asks again if he can help. The mer declines.

So this continues- Keith offers what food he can, the mer picks what he wants and leaves the rest. After a week of this, the mer disappears from his spot, and Keith assumes he’s finally left, only he is met with the mer in a different shore of the island (the one he had been spending his nights)

Now that he is mobile he seems much happier (though maybe not 100% active). He talks with Keith, and Keith cant really do much about it. He asks him things about humans, showing much more interest in humans than his first impression let on. Keith has his own burning questions, but most of them stem from all that time convincing himself he wanted to find this very mer and skin him alive.... kinda hard to imagine doing when he’s becoming much more human. Lance (as he has finally given his name) finally admits he cannot leave because he is still recovering. He can fish for small kills around the island, but he cant leave and swim out in the open ocean just yet. Keith internally feels a stone drop in his stomach. If only he had such a positive future to look forward to.

One day, Keith brings Lance a handful of oysters to feast on, and during he finds none other than a pearl tucked in the muscle of his meal. He is less ecstatic than Keith, who offers how rare and precious they are to humans. Lance gives him the pearl, which he tucks away with the scale that he keeps tucked by his heart in a small container on a string. Keith smiles quite a bit after receiving this gift, and Lance is left to feel conflicting positive emotions over it.

One sunset, after a quiet day (from Lance, he hadnt been very talkative) Keith notices him resting over by some rocks, back turned to Keith. Keith approaches and before he can keep Keith from seeing, he sees Lance is playing with a blank spot in his scales. Keith knows just what is missing but he asks whats wrong anyway. Lance is nervous but he responds: He lost a scale. He was still very young, and he saved a human from drowning - something he was scolded for back then. Interacting with humans is forbidden, but Lance wasnt about to let some kid like him die. However, while not completely unheard of for mer, losing a scale so young was not a good thing. He often felt ashamed for that blank spot in his tail - a reminder that he was missing a piece of himself - and this was just one of those times. Keith sits close and offers his condolences, and continues to say that saving someone was very kind and heroic of him - he only wishes humans were so kind to him as child. He lived most of his life as an orphan, finding a mentor only to have him leave on a ship and never return. Lance is sad to hear this. He misses his family right now, sure, but he knows he will find his way back. He will never miss them like Keith misses his. Lance might have a missing scale, but its nothing compared to the love Keith has been missing nearly all his life.

And so, tied up in the depths of Sendak ship, Keith sits with his guilt. He got Lance caught by the most ruthless hunters out there and was helpless to do anything about it. And he... he thinks that he would rather see Lance free. He’s a person, and he cares more than anyone he has ever met. He has a family. His life is worth more than anything a king could offer for his scales. He’s irreplaceable - especially to Keith. But now.. there isn’t hope. He’s stuck, and probably falling for a merman whos about to get skinned alive. He sheds a tear, hoping beyond anything that Lance somehow manages to escape.

Not a moment later, someone bursts through the door: Shiro. Keith is shocked to say the least, as is Shiro, but there really isn’t much time to spare seeing as how he’s being broken out. Keith grabs his belongings from the corner and shuffles out with him to the deck, where they emerge into the fray. Keith can see that all the mer are being kept on deck in cages, and sets off, blazing a trail through the fighting to go and free them.

He breaks through every chain, telling the mer to leave as soon as they can, he finally makes his way to Lance, who had been set apart from the others. Its closer to sendak, who is crossing swords with shiro. He slices through the chain one last time, freeing Lance, who is startled and tries to speak, but before he can, keith is being affronted by Sendak. They lock swords, Keith pushed to the rail, barely holding off. Sendak suddenly hisses - lance has picked up a sword and swiped at the back of his legs. Keith thinks this is his moment to slip from this position, but before he can move, Sendak kicks the wind out of him, and sends him overboard. He crashes into the icy waves, quickly choking on the water and struggling to find which way is up. Slowly, he chokes, he sinks, and finally, he gives into the creeping darkness. He sees a faint flash before his vision fades to black and he loses consciousness. At least, he thinks, that Lance has a chance at freedom.

To say he is surprised he opens his eyes again is an understatement. The sun glares and makes his head ache, his lungs and throat are sore and raw from the seawater, breathing is painful, but he’s alive. The sun is suddenly not so bright, and when he tries to see why- Lance is above him blocking it out. It reminds him of when he had been saved before. Lance is saying his name and it’s like an angel calling to him.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

Lance makes a confused coo “I’m pretty sure the last time, you were the one to find me.”

Keith lets out a small laugh, which is painful, so he smiles instead. “I was the child you saved. Thats what i was trying to tell you before...”. When he looks at Lance, even in his tired state he can see the wheels turning in Lance’s head. Keith sits up, to face him better.

“I didn’t know for sure until you told me you saved a human all that time ago. If you’re not convinced, I think this should be convincing enough” and he pulls his little bottle out to let it display it’s contents: the pearl, and of course, a glimmering scale, it’s beauty only rivaled by the tail it once was a part of, sitting a few feet away.

“You-”

Keith opens the bottle, and takes it out, to hold and admire in his open palm.

“For a long time, this was my only belonging. People tried to take it, to buy it from me. They told me it was worth more money than i could ever imagine, but... I could never bring myself to sell it.” He looks up then to see Lance stunned into silence. Keith smiles, in a sorrowful sort of understanding. “I’m glad I didn’t.”

He then holds his hand out to Lance, offering him the scale he said was like a missing piece of him.

Lance lifts shaky hands and settles them on Keith’s one, not touching the scale. Keith continues:

“Thank you, Lance. For saving me then, and now.”

After a long moment of silence between them (the shushing of the beach hardly audible) Lance finally speaks.

“I never thought I’d see this again,” he speaks quietly, as he stares down at his scale in Keith’s hand. “But knowing that you found it, cherished it, took care of it, and kept it safe.... I know it’s where it belongs.”

Lance gently closes Keith’s palm around the scale and kisses his knuckles. “Keep it,” Lance looks up, and when he looks into Keith’s eyes, its like he can feel his heart and soul pouring out, “and promise me you’ll think of me every once in a while.” Lance smiles rather sadly.

Gaze flicking back to his hand, where the scale lies, Keith’s heart flutters at the implication behind his action, but stutters at the thought of Lance going away forever (as the words seemed to imply). He takes a deep breath, looks back into Lance’s eyes, their depths calling to him, as though this is the only moment he will ever have to express himself. Maybe it is. His hand reaches up to caress his face, and hold his gaze.

“You’ve saved me from drowning twice. I could hardly manage to forget you before I really even knew you. I’ve been looking for you for what feels like my whole life, and now that I’ve found you... you think i could somehow manage to not think of you every day?” Keith leans in, and kisses his cheek.

“I’ll always have a piece of you here,” he brings his closed fist to his chest, “right by my heart. I am the one who should ask to be remembered.”

“Though...” his thoughts trail as he looks down at Lance’s lips, “I selfishly wish I wouldn’t have to.” Lance breaks his stunned silence, hand coming up to hold Keith’s on his cheek. “Keith....”

Keith lets out a small pained laugh as his heart constricts, removing his hand to help replace the scale to its place in the bottle, and around his neck. He looks at it fondly and softly speaks, “There is this saying we have - about finding love - ‘There are plenty of fish in the sea’ -and it’s true. There are plenty of people I could learn to love, but... the one I want is you.”

The relief Lance feels upon hearing this has his heart swelling, pushing him forward to crash their lips together. Keith is startled at first, but quickly melts into the kiss, moving to wrap his arms around Lance’s neck. They kiss until Keith feels like he’s drowning again, though this time he’s not opposed to it.

And THAT, dear anon, is why you should never be afraid to ask questions. I hope this maybe gave you a little peace, a laugh, something to stir your little klancer heart.

[scithemodestmermaid]

i waited about 15 years to play halo 2′s campaign.  15 years.  and considering the size of my crush on arbiter, that was a damn long time.  yesterday i finally got to play a good chunk of it...and while the story isn’t really the best, it’s told beautifully.

the opening cutscene, for example.  master chief receiving his awards to cheering crowds matched with thal (that’s his name, right?  i forget, cuz again its been 15 FRIGGIN YEARS) receiving his mark of shame to jeering crowds.  foils showing that both sides of this war have heroes, fallen or otherwise.  and the way the covenant speaks, in a very antiquated tone.  or how the music amps up at literally the exact perfect moment.  master chief storms the covenant base and sees the elite & grunt rebellion rising up around him, a chilling bit of environmental storytelling.  again, its not the most unique story, but they tell it  the best possible way they could.

and i 100% understand why teenage me had a big crush on arbiter.  you got this guy, he did his absolute best but he’s being punished severely for his mistakes.  after being thrown out by his superiors, he is then recruited by them to atone for what they say he needs to atone for.  in this quest, he discovers his people are being slain.  he has been betrayed by his superiors yet again.  everything he has ever stood for has fallen apart before his eyes.  and he realizes that now, he truly must atone for his mistakes.  combine that heartwrenching character arc with a badass flair for the dramatic, some smooth musculature, and the voice of keith david, and honey there go my hormones.  teenage me had good taste.  

anyway, i gotta make time to actually finish this game.  then move on to halo 3, another piece of forbidden fruit from my younger years that i can now get away with playing because i’m now 30.

[emospritelet]

Temptation

This is my second Monsterfuckers’ Ball fic, following on from the Macacey smut in Part 1. Having seduced Father MacAvoy, Lacey goes to find one of her own kind. The pawnbroker has been expecting her.

[Part 1] [AO3]

The moment she stepped into Storybrooke, he felt it, a tickle at the nape of his neck, a creeping tingle running down his spine, as though someone was whispering his name from the shadow realm. His true name. It had been years since he had used it. He called himself Gold, when the humans asked, as so many of them did. They were curious creatures, using up their short lives in a frenzy of eating and drinking and fucking, with precious few taking the time to acquire knowledge of the old ways. Lucky for him, he supposed.

He had not seen one of his own in years, ever since he had carved out a large and lonely territory in Maine. Isolation was one of the reasons for coming so far to the north-east of the country, but he had to admit that a slower pace of life was also something he enjoyed, having passed relatively unscathed through the rage and recklessness of his youth. There were too many incubi clustered in Las Vegas and Los Angeles, and he much preferred the relative peace of small town Storybrooke. Solitary by nature, there were only three reasons he could think of for another of his kind to seek him out. It had not happened in some time, and the last encounter had ended in violence and death. For the intruder, anyway.

He pushed the porcelain cup he had been dusting back on its shelf, getting down from the stepladder and striding to the door of his shop. It was cold outside, a stiff breeze blowing from the south west, and he lifted his nose, catching a scent on the breeze. A succubus: a female. That didn’t mean she wasn’t there to challenge him, of course, nor did it mean that she didn’t want his assistance in some dark ritual. However, there was an edge to her scent, something that made his skin tingle and his cock swell in his pants. So. She wanted to mate.

He stepped back into his shop, closing the door behind him and walking to the back room. It was unlikely she would approach him until she was ready, and he certainly had no objection to that. She would need to find a partner first, and take the seed from him, the first step in creating a demon child. There would need to be at least a little planning and preparation before that could occur, unless of course she decided to go to that dive of a bar and grab the first desperate drunk she could find. There were certainly enough of those in Storybrooke, but he hoped that her taste would be a little better. He certainly wasn’t keen to touch the likes of Keith Nottingham, even if only by proxy.

It was somewhat ironic, he reflected, that his kind were dependent on humans to reproduce, but the process itself was certainly pleasant. It had been decades since he had been approached by one of his own for the purpose, and he wondered what form she had chosen to make her way in this world. Humans offered little in the way of temptations of the flesh, in his opinion, but he had grown used to them, and had something of a preference for petite brunettes. His mind wandered briefly south, to New York, and his latest deal for a first edition Oscar Wilde. He licked his lips at the memory of clear blue eyes and a soft voice, shapely limbs and small feet. Petite brunettes with a love of reading and a penchant for impractical footwear, then.

Smirking to himself, he took a seat at the workbench, bending to look over the old watch he was preparing for sale. It would no doubt take his would-be partner a little while to complete the first stage of the process. He had time on his hands until then.

x

It was six days later that it happened.

He could sense a change in the air, a pulsing electricity that coursed through his skin and made the hairs on his arms rise. He had been working late, cataloguing the latest collection of antiques that he had purchased. The other shops in Storybrooke had long since closed, the time inching past midnight, but he was still there, clad in the slim-fitting suit and tie he had adopted as part of his human persona. The silk he wore felt pleasant, a sensual softness against his skin, but he would shed it in an instant for the one coming to him.

He stood, walking through to the main shop and turning to glance at his reflection in the mirror that hung behind the counter. Brown hair fell around his face. streaked with silver at the temples. He was not a tall man, but the humans were nonetheless wary, keeping their distance even when they sought him out to make their petty excuses and to beg him to buy their trinkets. They still seemed to fear him, despite him speaking in low tones and showing his teeth in cold smiles. Perhaps they could sense the darkness in him. It mattered not.

The shop doorbell tinkled, and he smiled, the low light from the lamps gleaming on the one gold tooth he wore as he took in the reflection over his shoulder. She was small and pale, dark chestnut hair falling around her shoulders in shining waves. A short black dress hugged her slender figure, her legs long and shapely. High-heeled shoes lifted her a few inches taller than she would otherwise have been, but her height was perfect. She was perfect. A delightful human form, to be sure. She reminded him of someone, but he shoved the image away before it could interfere with the matter at hand. Something to think on later.

“What’s your name?” he asked, and her full lips curved in a soft, secretive smile.

“Lacey,” she said. “What’s yours?”

“Rumplestiltskin,” he whispered.

He turned to face her, and she pursed her lips, walking slowly towards him with her hips swaying invitingly.

“Quite a mouthful,” she said, and her eyes flicked up and down him, lingering between his legs for a moment. “I do appreciate a long - name.”

His grin widened, and he gestured to the curtain that covered the doorway to the back room.

“Would you care to come through?”

“I would.”

She walked past him, hips still swinging and her tight rear end twitching. He caught a whiff of her scent as she passed, and let out a low, guttural growl of arousal, his cock pushing against his underwear, eager to get inside her. He followed her through, letting the curtain fall behind him and looking her over slowly before meeting her stare for stare. The dress she wore clung to her curves, slashes at the neck revealing the pale skin beneath. He longed to uncover every inch of that skin, to let his tongue flicker over her and taste her. Who had she chosen, in the end? Whose seed did she carry? His cock was growing harder, throbbing, insistent, and he licked his lips, leaning in to let his nostrils flare, drawing in the mingled scents. His eyes widened, and he drew back.

“You chose the priest?” he said, surprised, and she grinned, raising her chin.

“I always did like what was forbidden to me,” she said. 

“How did you manage to enter the church?” he asked. “Bit of a risky prospect.”

Lacey reached into the neckline of her dress and tugged at a thin gold chain, pulling out a round, dark stone. It swung back and forth on the chain, seeming to eat the light around it.

“Brimstone amulet,” she said carelessly.

“Ah.” A smile tugged at his lips. “Providing temporary protection from consecrated ground. A tricky thing to make. Don’t you need the tears of an angel, or something ridiculous?”

“You know your amulets,” she said, looking impressed, and he inclined his head.

“I’m in the trade, as it were,” he said. “A rare item. Difficult to procure.”

Lacey shrugged, kicking off her shoes and wriggling her toes on the wooden floor.

“I know a demon who knows an angel.”

“A useful contact,” said Gold. “Perhaps you and I can do some business.”

She looked him up and down very deliberately, and raised her chin.

“There’s only one deal I’m looking to make tonight.”

“Indeed.” Gold took off his jacket, shaking it out before hanging it on the nearby coat rack. “Perhaps you should take it off for the duration, though. Dark magic mixed with light - well, those things can be volatile.”

“Point taken.”

She reached behind her, unfastening the clasp of the gold chain, and set the necklace on the desk behind her. Gold was intrigued, and wanted to study it further, but he doubted she would let him. Perhaps they could make a deal for another in the future, though.

“The amulet was effective in getting to the priest, I take it?” he said, and she pursed her lips.

“As much as it needed to be,” she said. “It gives off a scent, of course, but then they burn a lot of incense in these places, so I guess he didn’t notice.”

“Well, perhaps his mind was on other things,” said Gold, looking her over. “And he a man of God. For shame.”

Lacey smirked.

“Oh, I’ve had many a priest, in my time,” she said softly. “All supposedly holy men. All eager to get a taste of me, and most without me offering. I clearly wasn’t the first they had touched. Just the first to fight back.”

Gold chuckled.

“That must have been an - interesting - experience for them,” he said, and Lacey’s eyes gleamed, blue as moonlight.

“I’d like to say they had a chance to reflect on the sin of forcing those in their power to endure their touches,” she said. “But they didn’t. I took what I needed and sucked the life from them. Ironic, really.”

“Father MacAvoy doesn’t strike me as that type,” he remarked, and she shook her head, her mouth twisting a little.

“No, not him,” she said. “He’s a good man, not like the rest of them. Although it has to be said he didn’t put up much of a challenge. Some initial protest for my poor soul. It didn’t stop him fucking me.”

“Well, I could hardly blame him,” said Gold lazily. “Take off the dress.”

“Why don’t you come here and take it off?”

He licked his lips, a low growl rumbling out of him. Lacey’s breath caught, her eyes widening, and he could sense the excitement rising within her, making the air around him spark and tingle. Stepping forward, he reached for her, hands sliding over her hips as his mouth found hers. Lacey moaned, grasping at him, her fingers pushing through his hair as her nails scored his scalp. It made him growl again, and he shoved her against the wall, his tongue pushing into her mouth, tasting the sweetness of her as he slipped one leg between hers, his thigh pushing up against her groin.

Lacey moaned again, thrusting her hips, rubbing herself against him, and her hands slid down from his hair to grasp his tie, plucking it open and tearing it from around his neck. Gold cupped her breasts with his hands, pulling his mouth from hers to nip at her jaw, his tongue stroking against her throat, tasting the salt of light perspiration and breathing in the scent that had drifted into his nose six days earlier. The scent that told him of her need. 

He reached down, gripping the hem of the dress and tugging it up her body, and Lacey raised her arms as he stepped back to pull it over her head. Her body was pale and smooth, her breasts tipped with dusky pink nipples, and as he watched a pattern of shining blue scales rippled over her skin, her demon form coming through in her excitement. She was beautiful, her body firm and lithe and perfect, and he growled again as he ran his eyes over her. The scent of her pleasure was strong, making his cock throb and his balls ache. She would have drawn the seed deep inside her, holding it there until it could be released. Until he opened her up and took it from her. His tongue flicked against his teeth, eager to taste her, and he jerked his head to the side.

“On the bench,” he rasped.

Lacey smirked, pushing past him with a sway of her hips, her hair gleaming in the light as she turned on bare toes to face him. She reached behind her, boosting herself up onto the workbench with the heels of her hands, her breasts bouncing as she did so. Gold reached up, letting one finger bend slowly forward, and she lowered herself onto her back, arching up off the bench as she drew up her knees. He stepped forward and ran his hands up her slender calves, fingers sliding over her knees and pulling them apart. 

The soft cleft at the apex of her thighs was glistening with fluid, and he let his hands stroke up her legs, pushing them further apart, baring her to his sight and his touch. Gold let his tongue grow long and tapered, flicking it over the soft skin of her inner thighs, moving up with gentle, rhythmic strokes. Lacey moaned as he licked her, circling the sensitive nub at the top of her cleft. His tongue flickered over her wet flesh, and he could taste the priest on her, musk and salt and a certain human sharpness. He let the tongue push inside her, sliding deep to where the taste of salt was stronger, and felt his cock grow harder as he recognised her need, as he tasted the seed inside her. He let it thrust in and out, licking against the barrier of her flesh, the tip probing the tight entrance to her inner chamber where she held the seed.

Lacey moaned, pushing her hips upward, and he growled deep in his throat, his tongue teasing her as he tried to find a way inside. She wouldn’t open for him until he was inside her, until his cock was buried deep within her and he was ready to burst, but the teasing felt good, his tongue pushing at her, circling and swirling. He pulled it back a little, rubbing against her inner walls, and she let out a cry of pleasure, her fingers twisting in his hair. She was close. She was ready. It wouldn’t take long. His tongue slipped out again, dripping with her juices, dancing over her skin before he swallowed her down, and he straightened up, shrugging out of his waistcoat and bending to take off his shoes. He wanted to be in his true form for this. 

Lacey let out a low growl, writhing on the bench as he shed his clothing, her rapid breathing and bright eyes showing that she was eager for his touch. Tiny scales bloomed to life on her face and chest, spreading over her skin in patches of glittering blue and silver, and he heard his own growl rumble outward as her long tongue flicked out, tasting his scent in the air. He tore off his shirt, pushing down pants and underwear in one, noting the scales rippling up from his fingers and coating his forearms in gleaming gold. Lacey scooted backwards a little, long tail sweeping out from behind and lashing the air. He could feel his own break free, stroking up her legs as he climbed onto the bench on his knees. She pushed up on the heels of her hands, plump breasts heaving as she licked her lips.

Gold ran his hands up her thighs, pushing them apart and sliding his fingers beneath her buttocks to pull her upwards. His fingertips dug into her skin, black claws sinking into her. Lacey let out a high-pitched cry, arching her back, pushing up to meet him as her head rolled back, and he felt the head of his cock push at the soft heat of her entrance. His balls ached, hanging low and heavy, rubbing against her, and he let out a low groan as he thrust inside her, sliding deep. She purred, running her hands up his arms and over his shoulders to plunge into his hair. He felt his tail stroke against hers, and let it wrap around her ankle, tugging it upwards to let him push deeper.

His cock was buried deep inside her, and he let it lengthen further as his hips pumped and he thrust hard and fast, ramming against the firm barrier of flesh that her body had created, seeking to break through. Lacey moaned and writhed, legs wrapping around his back, her tail twisting around his, her body now covered in glittering blue scales and her eyes gleaming like moonlight. He kissed her again, long tongue stroking her mouth as he pushed and thrust, feeling her heat and her wetness coating him, feeling her begin to open up, that tiny hole starting to widen, squeezing the head of his cock as it pushed inside. He felt as though he was going to burst, pleasure coursing through him, and he groaned into her mouth as he came hard, his cock pulsing, shooting hot seed into her.

She tore her mouth from his with a shriek as she came, and he felt a rush of fluid all around him as she let him enter her fully, releasing the priest’s seed to mix with his. It felt incredible, and he let his balls contract, reversing the flow of fluid as the tingle of their strange dark magic tickled at his skin. His cock pumped, drawing the hot seed from her body and into his, the feel of it intensifying his orgasm, making pleasure crash through him. He growled and snarled, tail lashing in his excitement as his balls grew heavy with seed once more, and Lacey dug her nails into his shoulders as she pumped against his cock, helping him draw every drop from her. Her flesh was clamped around the head so hard it was exquisitely painful, but he felt her relax a little as he took the last from her, as he drew the seed deep and kept it safe.

He let out a low, guttural groan as he slowed to a stop, his head hanging, and Lacey murmured contentedly, her tail uncurling from around his leg to stroke over his back. Its touch was gentle, almost affectionate, and he shivered a little as it brushed over his legs and licked at the soles of his feet. She released him with a sudden softening of her flesh, letting him pull out of her, and he pushed up on his hands, licking his lips as he looked down. Her scales were fading a little, the human form showing through in pale patches, and she sent him a slow smile, eyelids fluttering.

“That was fucking awesome,” she drawled, and he grinned.

“Glad to be of service.”

He pushed back, getting down from the bench and pulling on his clothes, the shop feeling cold after the heat they had shared. Lacey watched him, leaning on her elbows, dark curls tumbling over pale shoulders.

“I never did this before,” she admitted. “Not with the goal of actually reproducing in mind, anyway. Not with someone like you.”

“Someone like us, you mean?” he said, tying his shoes with practised tugs of his fingers.

“Yeah.” She stretched languidly, pointing her toes. “It felt different with you. Fucking ordinary men has its pleasures, I guess, but there’s the danger I might just get a little over-excited.”

“Leaving a very dead human in your wake,” he agreed. “Self-control is one of the first things you need to learn as a demon, if you want to survive in their world.”

“Oh, I only do it to the ones that deserve it,” she said. “It’s not my fault their souls are more delicious than their personalities, right?”

He had to grin at that.

“I daresay you’re doing the rest of the world a favour,” he said. “There are a few in this town who would benefit from your attention, if you feel the need.”

“Nah, I’m good.” She stretched again. “Maybe if I swing by this way again.”

“Maybe so.”

He straightened up, pulling on his shirt and feeling the pleasant whisper of silk against his skin. Lacey slipped from the bench, snatching up her dress and pulling it over her head.

“Are you leaving right away?” he asked. “You’re welcome to stay and have a drink. I find myself in the mood to be unexpectedly sociable.”

Lacey shook her head, looking regretful.

“I’d better get back,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “There’s a ritual I was planning on being a part of. I just had an itch that needed scratching before I could concentrate properly on summoning dark powers, you know what I mean?”

“Concentration is important in these things, I find,” he said.

“Yeah.” She pursed her lips. “And it was a pretty distracting itch. Made it hard to think about anything other than getting well and truly fucked.”

“Then I’m happy to have scratched it,” he said smoothly.

He zipped his fly, buckling his belt. His balls were very full, and his pants were a little tight because of it, making him very aware of what he had just done, and what he still needed to do. It made his lust rise up once more, his desire to perform the final part of the dark dance of creation swelling within him. His cock twitched, and Lacey watched him with a knowing smirk, her head tilted to the side and her expression curious.

“Who’s it gonna be?” she asked. “I mean it’s none of my business, but you’ve got your eye on someone, right?”

“Perhaps.”

“Hmm.”

She stepped into her shoes, running fingers through her curls in an attempt to tame them, and tugged her dress straight.

“Is it someone from the town?” she asked, and he shook his head, buttoning his shirt.

“No,” he said. “Not someone from the town.”

“Well, that’s always better, I guess,” she said. “What does she look like?”

Gold smiled.

“Actually, she looks a lot like you,” he said. “Brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, soft pink lips… Delicious in every way. Or so I predict.”

“Really?” She looked pleased at that. “You have a type, huh?”

“In a manner of speaking,” he said. “I’m hoping the encounter will be every bit as pleasant as this one. I shall certainly endeavour to make it so.”

“Well, accept my congratulations in advance,” she said, shaking out her hair. “She going to be willing, you think?”

Gold showed his teeth.

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

She smirked in response, and stepped towards him, her hips swinging back and forth. He tugged his waistcoat closed, and Lacey ran her hands up his chest, rising up on her toes as she placed a soft kiss on his mouth. She sank back on her heels, looking very self-satisfied.

“I’m gonna get out of here,” she said. “Look me up if you’re ever in Memphis.”

Gold grinned at that.

“I don’t really get out much.”

“Bit of a loner, hmm?”

“Aren’t we all?”

She chuckled softly, and stepped back, brushing herself down and letting out a heavy, contented sigh.

“Goodbye, Rumplestiltskin,” she said, and sauntered off.

He heard the cheerful tinkle of the shop’s bell as she left, and finished buttoning his waistcoat, crossing to the standing mirror to check his appearance. His skin was humming, desire making his blood sing in his veins and his lips tingle. He looped the silk tie around his neck, knotting it tightly, and smiled darkly at his reflection, his eyes gleaming gold for the briefest of moments. He had a seduction to plan.

[thechaoscryptid]

Writer’s Tag Game, Bouncy’s Edition

Many thanks to @tipsyraconteur for tagging me ❤❤ I know I said this was going to be my strictly Naruto blog but there’s definitely some of my other fandoms that are going to worm their way in heh.

Rules: brag to your heart’s content, you’re awesome, and then tag 5-10 people to do the same.

I’m tagging (if you’d like to play, no obligation): @magnustesla, @scarecrowinthewoods, @dunloth, @caped-ace, @alexianite, @benicemurphy, and @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul (you Voltron peeps, it’s Ary 😉)

1) What’s a paragraph you’ve written that you’re really proud of?

From Order and Obedience (KakaIru): 

“Think Konoha’s dog is going to be an easy fuck, ranger?” Kakashi asked, eyeing every possible exit. Just in case. “That my allegiance is so easily swayed?”

“I think if you were still wearing your boots you’d be trembling in them,” Iruka said without missing a beat. “Your desire to serve the light may not make sense to me, but even I can see that the way your skin drinks in the moon would be pleasing to any god. I’m not demanding darkness, only obedience.”

2) Pick a favorite scene from your longest fic!

The scene in Wake the White Wolf (KakaIru) where Sera and Kakashi part ways. I still get chills at the lines “You are no longer my problem. I am no longer your whore.” There’s plenty of fantastic scenes from that fic, but that still remains one of my favorites. That whole arc, really, from when she finds out the news to when it’s finally 100% over. 

3) Give us a snippet of your most recent WIP:

Voltron! This is a part of one of my stories for the Sheith Big Bang coming up:

A galaxy will never be enough to contain my love for you. 

Mechanically, Keith’s hands go through the motions of powering up Black as Krolia’s voice comes through the comm link. It’s another diplomacy mission--another he’d rather skip in favor of liberating some far off colony from oppressors or just staying in bed, unmoving. The lion doesn’t speak to him the way she used to, and neither does anything else. The universe, for all its glory, has become simple.

Dull.

Grey, even with color sprays from passing planets and nebulas.

He chews on the side of his lip as he lets his head tip to the side, checking to make sure things are in order. His mother’s still rattling off information about the mission and he just wants to tell her to be quiet, he’ll figure it out on his own later. He wants to hear the ghost of Shiro’s voice whispering it loves him again.

Keith…

Ghosts are never enough, but Shiro’s I’ll love you until forever ends echoing in his head assuages the pre-mission blues. “Not that it’s ever anything else these days,” he says under his breath. Krolia asks what he said, and he blames it on a squeaky chair. “Gotta get in here and tune up the cockpit when I’m back. Project for Shiro and I.”

“Well, just as long as it doesn’t interfere with things now. You ready to give ‘em hell?”

Keith pastes a smile on his face, though he knows she’s not on the video link. “Would you expect anything different?”

4) If all of your published fics sparred, who would win and why?

Ohh, tough one...based off of stats, Wake the White Wolf, no question. Off of personal preference? Probably Crescendo (SakuOro) right now. 

5) What’s a fic/author you’ve taken inspiration from and in which one of your works did you incorporate that inspiration?

I won’t lie, Tipsy, a lot of my recent style choices came from Scar Tissue 😅 I found I really enjoy storytelling in present tense, with longer flowing lines punctuated by short lil ones for emphasis. It’s appeared in...most of my recent stuff? I switched within the last year or so.

(putting the rest under a cut because there’s some longer answers)

6) Which fanfiction character do you enjoy writing the most? In which one of your fics do you think you wrote them best?

This is another tough one xD I think I actually have to go with a three part answer here, though really, I enjoy writing so many more.

Kakashi Hatake: Shatter Me (KakaIru), best fic

Dazai Osamu: Marionette (Dazushi), best fic

Keith Kogane: since I can’t tell which one of my bang fics yet, I’ll go with my favorite published, which is Unsteady (Sheith). Truly, it’s going to be the fic from the above snippet hehe

7) Smut or fluff? Give us a sneak peek of your favorite fluffy/smutty scene you’ve written.

Mmm, smut. I’ve really got to be in the right mood for fluff, and my not-so-guilty pleasure reading is angsty smut.

My favorite fluffy/smutty scene...I think it’s probably from Reciprocity (KakaSaku)!

He wishes he still had the Sharingan to capture these moments. Sakura’s still got her thin undershirt on, but the delicate hollows of her collarbones call to him as she reaches over to light their lantern. There will be no fire tonight save for the one burning low and heavy in his stomach, as if he’s swallowed molten rock.

“Do I need to do the rest?” she says, dragging her hands up her legs as she stands. “Should I strip for you, Kakashi?”

He stands along with her and tugs off his mask first, then his shirt. Sakura gasps as the angry red of fresh scars is revealed, fingers twitching toward him before he shakes his head. “Let me,” he murmurs.

Inch by inch, the pale curve of her stomach is revealed. Shadows flicker and dance over it along with the flames, and when Kakashi pulls Sakura’s shirt the entire way off he thinks not even the prettiest sunset could compare. There’s several scars--no shinobi makes it out without them--and no shortage of muscle packed into her small frame, but somehow she makes a battleborn body beautiful.

Sakura makes life beautiful.

Her breath hitches when he tells her this, something shifting in her at the tender touch of his lips against her forehead. “You’re sure you don’t want me to just jump you right now?” she says breathlessly.

“No jumping,” he says. “Only falling.”

8) What’s a scene in one of your fics you wish you would receive fanart for?

Uh, literally any one 😅 My top choice, though, I think would be of my favorite OT3 in Desperately:

“I’ll be a lot cuter when the day comes.” Sakura shoved the bandana up and crunched her nose as she looked back with Ibiki. “You might have to leave me at the altar to catch everyone fainting at the sight of me.”

Ibiki’s laugh rumbled through the living room as he gathered her back to his chest. “We’re never leaving you there, baby, you know we couldn’t,” he said. “Or maybe we could take turns catching them. How d’you think your clothes will hold up, Rai?”

“They’ll be fine. I volunteer for catching duty as long as it’s you two falling for me at the end,” he said, spreading his arms over the back of the couch as he watched them sway. “And of course, falling into bed with me later.” Ibiki cocked an eyebrow as Sakura giggled into his scarred chest. “What, you think I”m joking?”

“Never considered it,” Ibiki said. He pulled away from Sakura to trail his hand up her arm, urging her to spin. His uniform lifted from her creamy skin and Raidou sucked in a breath as the purple lace on the bottom of her underwear was revealed. She knew he couldn’t resist those, and Ibiki certainly didn’t mind them either.

“Come here,” he said. Ibiki let her go and gave her a gentle push toward Raidou’s outstretched arms before flopping next to them as the song began to repeat. “I saw those. You can’t hide them from me.” Her hair tickled his face as he kissed over her cheek down to her ear. “Wearing my husband’s shirt and my wife-to-be’s favorite underwear, how scandalous, Sakura,” he purred.

“I’m sure your wife-to-be will be so very displeased I stole them,” she said, pulling back with a mock pout before turning to beg a kiss from Ibiki. “I hear she picked them specifically for tonight because she wanted to get laid.”

9) Would you ever consider turning one of your fics into a podfic? If no, why not?

Not on my own? I have hearing problems, so it’s just really never occurred to me. If anyone else wanted to, though, I wouldn’t say no!

10) The best (or your favourite) 5 reviews you’ve ever gotten! Don’t forget to tell us which one of your fics received them!

There’s so many 😭😭 My commenters are all fucking awesome, but I’ll trawl my saved comments for some highlights!

P5eud0Nym on Wake the White Wolf (KakaIru omegaverse): So, I just wanted to say you’ve been doing a fantastic job. I appreciate that this isn’t, and hasn’t at any point been, a dumb tropey kink fic. That you’ve taken the time to put so much heart into all of this. The fact that you’re exploring the politics, the social issues, and writing all of the characters as being more than just their A/B/O designations, so good. The multifaceted way you write is just really and truly refreshing. It’s obvious how much work and thought you put into this. You’re tackling a lot of really important stuff, from consent to civil rights, and it’s some grade A USDA certified Good Shit. Thanks for the fic and keep up the good work <3

Lilmeliz on Monster (ShigaDabi): AAAAAAA GUARANTEED I CAN BLOW YOUR MIND mwa. Please excuse the lame dua lipa reference I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I couldn’t-- Delicious. Finally some fucking good food. I want to congratulate you. This is such a beautiful, touching, heartwarming masterpiece. I even cried a little. I usually read shiggy with his dark past and his (soul) scars and all that jazz, and venturing into the thought of him having a mere fiber of good will in himself, in his actual self, is risky and prone to be ooc. But here it sounds right. It feels personal, private and even possible, my boi :( Dabi is an angel, I’m dying. I like the reminder “they lie, they kill...” Yes he’s an angel but he’s still evil. I don’t know what else to add but really, this is stunning! IM GONNA TATTOO THISSS amazing work 

Prism0467 on Forbidden (KakaIru): You have written their mutual dependency with such nurturing attention to detail I feel as if I know them. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt...embraced by a work of fanfiction before now...this may well be a first. Your enthusiasm for this pairing comes through loud and clear, I’ll tell you that :)

PearlBear on Crescendo (SakuOro): Wow. Just wow. This is brilliant, heart-wrenching, creative and extremely, extremely well-written. You have such a way with words, I was actually crying. And you adapt their lives as shinobi so seamlessly to situations that happen in real life (how many partners give up on possibilities for their significant one and get nothing in return?). This story managed to move me deeply and all the while, they all were in-character (it hurt when Tsunade looked at Orochimaru in the same way they all do, also loved how Tobirama and Madara are his parents). The omegaverse wasn’t heavy at all, instead it’s well integrated enough that I, who don’t particularly like it, barely noticed and completely accepted it. It’s just the way things are. You manage to convey so, so much in a few words. I’m amazed. So, thank you for sharing this! I am very, very excited for what’s next, whether Orochimaru experiments to save himself, whether Sakumo commits suicide (or worse, dies on this mission), whether... So many possibilities. Your story is outstanding. Thank you for writing this gem!

(insert special shoutout to Tipsy’s review of Testing the Waters...)

and no comment appreciation section would be complete without at least one from @magnustesla! 

This one from Of Scale and Steel (Sheith naga AU): Ary, sometimes I am left speechless and I don’t quite know how to articulate my thoughts after reading one of your fics. Like, everything is just so...so brilliant that it’s like my brain fucks off when I try to get my thoughts down onto a page. Turning well known and beloved characters into something else entirely isn’t easy and often they miss the mark leaving the reader not really connecting with it. But you, you are brilliant and clever in all that you write because damn, I love Naga Keith. It feels like it IS part of canon. And your oc? Super adorable and she just belongs. I really loved her interactions with Shiro and the chewing on his finger had me rollling because it reminded me of when J would test everything by chomping it. Not relevant but it sparked a good laugh from me, especially because it is totally something kids do. I’m so fucking proud of you and I’m excited to see you get your mojo back with this fandom. Love you ❤