#kepler 359 aesthetic

[shittykinaesthetics]

Shitty Warren Kepler aesthetic: wow can’t believe toxic masculinity grew legs and just started walking around this damn spaceship. shoot it out the airlock

[warren-keplers-funk-band]

problematic toxic space daddy whomst i love?

manipulative murder father? psycho killer business gay?? annoying military power top? fruity egomaniac fucker??

i? love???

[metronn]

[listen to the full spotify playlist here]

[pryceandcarter]

2/25 days of wolfmas: favorite episode?

episode 53: dirty work — “alright, losers! it’s make-up-your-mind time. are we doing this, or do the aliens get to watch some kickass fireworks?”

[life-is-a-fantasy]

“long story short...”

Warren Kepler - Wolf 359

[peachblossom-odyssey]

[papapapageno]

Sometimes Kepler seems gentle, and caring, and loving, and soft when they are alone, but they NEVER talk about it. They never talk about what is happening between them. 

[ambitchious-study]

12/13/17 Finished my last final today! It was an oral exam/discussion on Ancient Greek and Roman literature. Hopefully I said some smart things! Now I’m drinking hot chocolate while watching Stranger Things and dreaming of adventure.

[zoetropics]

wolf 359 characters part 1 / crew of the u.s.s hephaestus

[bluewolf359]

i really miss maxwell :,(

[mymaleficaria]

"What are you drinking, friend?"

[metronn]

warren kepler [spotify]

[thought-42]

Fictober day 5: Take what you need.

Wolf 359, Kepler, Young, Clark, cutter, 820 words

"Only take what you need, Warren," Young coos from too close behind him, snatching the wrist sheath from his hand and tossing it across the room to land on the desk. "Surely you don't need that many weapons to deal with a few rent-a-cops."

"I think I'm far more aware of exactly what I do and don't need than you," Kepler says. "And given if something does go wrong I'll be the one who has to deal with any resistance, I consider a back-up weapon or two only prudent."

Young steps around him, heels snagging at the thick carpet of his office. "It's like you're not even trying. But if this op really has you that rattled I suppose you can have your security blanket."

Kepler shrugs, knots his tie and imagines strangling Young with it. "No, no, you're right. I don't need it. I'll be sure to tell Mr. Cutter about your objections to my weapons when you die tragically because I was only equipped to protect myself."

"Alternatively, I could just shoot you in the limo and save myself an evening of torture. Mr. Cutter would forgive me."

This is a lie. Unfortunately, Cutter would be equally as unforgiving with Kepler if anything were to happen to Young.

There's a knock at the door, and at Kepler's call it swings open to reveal Clark, clearly on his way home for the evening. "I just had to see if the rumours were true," he says, grinning. "Don't you two make a lovely couple?"

"There are not rumours," Kepler says, flatly.

"There are absolutely rumours," Clark replies, smug. "Also a betting pool. Everyone seems to assume the evening will end with one or both of you either dead or tied to a headboard."

"Eww," Young says, stepping away from Kepler.

"The feeling is mutual," he says. They had fucked once, years ago, before they were department heads and before their mutual hatred had had the time to really percolate into the fundamental, soul-deep loathing they feel for each other now. They had both been suffering from blood loss, which is the excuse Kepler uses to console himself whenever he remembers the experience. They had both pulled a weapon on each other at one point in the proceedings. They've both agreed never to speak of it.

"Don't worry," Clark says. "Being sober at these events is practically forbidden, I'm sure you two will be able to self-medicate your way to victory."

"I would never compromise myself with alcohol on an op," Kepler lies. Young coughs delicately into the sleeve of the lacy sweater that is the only concession she's made to the chilly autumn evening outside.

"Ohhhh, did you find them, David?" Cutter's voice floats from down the hall, sing-song and delighted. Kepler winces.

Clark steps back from the door and cutter breezes in, rubbing his hands together and beaming.

"oh just look at you two," he crows, pacing a circle around them like they're livestock he's considering at auction. Kepler straightens up and tries to moderate his glare to something slightly less murderous.

He's aware that, purely aesthetically, they make a striking image. In her heels Young is as tall as he is, and whoever chose their outfits for the mission has managed to coordinate them with each other without it coming across painfully twee. It's exactly the picture they're going for. They're going to this party to be seen. To be very publicly seen, so that when the servers for the host company's proprietary AI vanish, they can be very clear that Goddard Futuristics had absolutely nothing to do with it. It's the sort of mission Kepler hates, and his only consolation is knowing that young hates it just as much.

"I'm glad I caught you before you headed out," Cutter says. "I just *had* to get a photo of the two of you before your big night."

"Sir," Young says, warningly. Kepler keeps waiting for the day that Young's insubordination gets her killed and it keeps not happening.

"Now now, it's traditional!"

"You're a few years late for Prom," Young says darkly.

Cutter beams at them. "Warren, why don't you put your arm around Rachel's shoulders?"

"I... really don't think this is necessary, sir," Kepler says, grinding his teeth.

"You're such a spoilsport, warren. Rachel, put your arm around his shoulders, then."

"with all due respect, Sir, I'd rather cut my arm off. Or cut his arm off. I'm flexible."

Cutter sighs dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest. "I really don't understand why you two can't just get along."

"Yes," Clark says, still lurking just outside the office. "You two should really just get along."

"You won't even see your death coming," Kepler says, mildly. Clark waves a hand dismissively.

"You've been saying that for years."

"Just take the picture,," Young says. Cutter holds up his phone and smiles sharply at them both.

"Say cheese," he says.

[itsbenedict]

wolf 359 spoilers wrt the fucker who absolutely had it coming as of ep 47

man fuck kepler, is the thing. like, he’s not the most horrifically evil person in the show. he’s not the biggest bad guy. mr. cutter is horrifying- but like, he has a secret evil agenda that he’s pursuing with ruthless efficiency. kepler doesn’t even know the secret evil agenda! he’s not even interestingly evil like cutter- his aesthetic is “boring authoritarian asshole”. he acts the way he does because he’s been given an excuse to be a bully and get away with it, and he’s milking it for all it’s worth. 

(gee, i wonder how a mutiny happened under his command! completely shocking! just because he went out of his way to be as condescending as possible and make himself the source of everyone’s worst and most unnecessary problems, all of which could be solved immediately by killing him- why would a mutiny happen???)

i have never felt so confused and disoriented by anyone saying “no, we shouldn’t kill the villain, killing is wrong” before, because i can’t imagine spending more than five minutes in the man’s company and not developing a powerful and heartfelt urge to rip his tongue out and push it through his eye sockets

ripping off his hand was a good start, Alien Lovelace, but you can do better than that! i believe in you!

“you are a violent troll, and we are done with you”, god DAMN

[colonelkepler]

about me tag meme ...

i got tagged to do this aaages ago by @pandysa and i’m only just now digging through my likes so ;; sorry it took so long!

name: erik

nickname: u know ... i don’t really have one

zodiac sign: gemini sun, pisces moon

hogwarts house: gryffindooooor

height: like 5′2

orientation: bi ^-^

ethnicity: white british

favourite fruit: mango!!

favourite season: spring!

favourite book series: HMMM . i’m gonna say discworld by terry pratchett

favourite fictional characters: lol i have an entire page dedicated to this! my Utter Faves right now are warren kepler from wolf 359, sombra from overwatch, handsome jack from borderlands

favourite flower: hmmm i rly like daffodils

favourite scents: vanilla, strawberry, raspberry, amber

favourite colour: orange!!

favourite animals: lions, horses, rabbits

favourite artist: umm right now i rly love mother mother and kat dahlia

coffee, tea, or cocoa: cocoa!!

average sleep: i need like 9 hours to function correctly. if i don’t get that amount i will only run on 5

number of blankets i sleep with: like 2 or 3 usually

dream trip: japan probably

last thing you googled: the bloods (a gang, someone mentioned them and i didn’t know who they were)

how many blogs do i follow: 480

followers: 625

what do i usually post about: on heeere i talk a lot about podcasts and video games, sometimes tv shows!

do i get asks regularly: lol nope

my aesthetic: UHH i rly like city aesthetic, like bright neon lights and cityscape and the kind of city punk aesthetic, graffiti and posters and noise everywhere

i’ll tag @floraldeerprince @e8luhs @hyperionangel @sciencematter @bi-reyes-vidal @justasmalltownai @cobaltpilot and ... anyone else who wants to. seriously. ask me and i’ll tag you

[papapapageno]

before Jacobi tried to kill him and after

the cure - boys dont cry