gordon ramsey: and this... flayed corpse of a dead god...? [gives a perplexed look]
underpaid waitress: oh yeah that's really popular actually!
gordon ramsey: oh really? then I'll have one and... the ribeye steak and minestrone soup.
underpaid waitress: coming right up!
owner: fuck. we're so fucked he ordered the flayed god.
[cut to gordon poking at the stigmata of the silently screaming skinless diety cadaver on his plate with a spoon]
gordon ramsey: Soggy, greasy. God really is dead if this place is serving shit like this.
underpaid waitress: everything okay?
gordon ramsey: is this fresh...?
waitress, holding back laughter: oh, no no no. it comes in frozen and we thaw it in the microwave.
gordon ramsay: microwaved... disgusting. and what's this sauce?
underpaid waitress: the blood of the sinners.
gordon ramsay: t-the blood of the sinners on the corpse of a flayed god?? doesn't sound very... traditional.
underpaid waitress, smirking and shaking her head: nope!
gordon ramsay: take this back to the kitchen, I'm done.
underpaid waitress: he didn't like the flayed god.
line cook from new jersey who is also the owner's brother: waddayamean! I made it perfect. Cooked ta fuckin... fuckin perfection! have I eva burnt anythin' heea... oh im gonna go give him a peesa my mind!!!
Gordon Ramsay: "You can not mess around anymore, this is it. This is the make-or-break moment for you and your bistro. In an hour that dining room is going to be packed wall-to-wall with thirsty little flowers - and you CAN NOT just let them die. It's time to get serious. Get a move on."
(Chef is building a little castle out of mashed potatoes and sausages)
Gordon Ramsey: Fuck me, what is that. Bloody hell. That position is completely indefensible. Why are the archer towers pointed away from the front gate? And look at that pitiful gravy moat. Invaders could cross that with a bloody toothpick. Jesus christ.
My favorite part in each Kitchen Nightmares episode is when Gordon Ramsay finds a gross overstocked walk-in freezer full of expired food and he starts sticking his hands in everything, and pouring out all sorts of meat juices everywhere, and sniffing it and gagging to highlight how gross it is, while yelling shit like "What is that?! Look at this?! How long has that been there?!"
So do you have any recommendations for Kitchen Nightmares episodes? I saw the Amy’s Baling Company one once and I’ve been taking psychic damage ever since
Oh I love this ask. I’ve been binge watching. Here’s my recs:
Season 5 episodes 1 and 2 “La Galleria 33” parts 1 and 2. owners are a pair of sisters who are honestly fucking hilarious and he revisits them later and they do turn things around for the better so that makes watching even more satisfying for me. This is the episode with that famous waitress recommending the ravioli that’s terrible on purpose and smiling when asked why
Season 1 episode 15 “Black Pearl”. One of the most insufferable bastards of an owner on the whole show
Season 2 episode 2 “Flamangos” Gordon hates these guys decor so much he sets all of it on fire
Season 2 episode 12 “Sushi Ko” this one is more heartfelt. Owner is genuinely a good guy and good father he’s just very tired and needs help
Season 3 episode 12 “Capri” owners are a pair of goofy twins. Pretty fun episode
Season 3 episode 13 “Zeke’s” I hated these owners a lot lmao they bought a locally beloved restaurant after the previous owner Zeke died and then made it cheap and shitty and the whole staff hates them
Season 4 episode 15 “Cafe Hon” this owner fucking trademarked the word “hon” in Baltimore and would send cease and desist letters to anyone else trying to use the word “hon” so the community absolutely HATEDDDD her and Gordon interviews them. Very juicy
Season 4 episode 1 “Blackberry’s” this owner honest to god accuses Gordon Ramsay of planting a dead mouse in her restaurant. It gets nuts
Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares computer game. Yeah it’s a game where you’re Gordon Ramsay trapped in an endless nightmare kitchen. You can’t fight and you gotta try to avoid the Creatures. In Hard mode, you swear loudly every time you look directly at a health code violation, and the Creatures can hear you, so you gotta try to keep health code violations out of sight or in the peripherals.
gordon ramsay: this is dreadful lamb lollipop more like lamb lolliplop
mid 30s balding chef: this is BULLSHIT i know MY lamb is the BEST lamb on the market its PERFECTLY juicy and TENDER and DELICIOUS i know cause i CONCEIVED the lamb MYSELF and SLAUGHTERED it with my BARE HANDS and