#label discourse is stupid. call yourself what you want if it makes you comfortable then thats good and exactly what labels are for

[jaed1nzmogies]

heyy long time no see! anyways rant post. its cool to skip this :)

cw for queer discourse. which i hate, and this will probably be the only time i ever discuss anything like this besides the occasional reblog

just a little rant about my thoughts recently. and please dont try to change my mind. im autistic and i have a large sense of justice so its almost impossible to change my mind about things im very stubborn

of course, my rant is about trans men trying to claim the lesbian label. i want to be specific when i say trans MEN, not trans masc people, not “masculine-aligned”, not gender fluid or anything else. trans men that identify as men. and THEN try to claim to be a lesbian. listen, i am in no way advocating for those types of lesbians. the really weird terfy ones are bad. so terfy lesbians or whatever youre calling yourself that hate trans women i do not like you.

Anyways, its infuriating. How are you not disgusted by using the term lesbian as a man? how are you, as a trans man, comfortable in any way shape or form. you work so hard to fit in as a man, right? if you are a man in your head, why do you think a lesbian would be attracted to you? surely you KNOW they are not thinking of you as a man. ever. And, how are you even comfortable using the term that women and other non men carved out for themselves? how do you feel like you have the right to trample over everything like that as a man?

I genuinely do not care if you identified as a lesbian before you transitioned. That does not give you the right to infringe on that label that is not for you. I don’t care if you “have such a deep connection to the label” you are creepy. Can you imagine a cis man doing that? why are you any different? and dont even get me started with “sexuality and gender are not rigid” then dont use the terms when you mean something else??? along with “contradicting terms is what being queer is about” what?? that is literally not even true 😭😭 identifying as things out of spite of your OWN community is crazy. these peoples logic is so crazy. i want to open their skull and examine their brain to see how it works.

Contradicting terms were more popular in the past, with things like boy dyke or other examples i cannot remember right now (im sorry if that wasnt even right but you know what im talking about right) The community has obviously changed. And it’s definitely for the better. As it stands, the community has plenty of fighting as it is. There is nothing you lose from just admitting something that everyone else knows; Youre just straight.

This is just another stupid issue that can so easily be solved. If you are a man, cis or trans, doesn’t matter. You cannot be a lesbian. You can have a connection to past experiences when you identified as a girl. You can recognize its part of your upbringing and effected you as a person. That does not give you the right to infringe on the label.

The community has demonized the label Straight so much that their own men have cowarded in fear of it.

You can use the word straight. you are not any less part of this community, i promise. theres more to life than existing out of spite of your own siblings.

Im going to be honest, if you identify as a lesbian, no one will see you as a man.

Honestly, why is it always lesbians getting the butt end of everything? wheres all the trans women claiming to be gay? yeah i wonder.

also, i want to make it clear im obviously a progressive. this is just where i draw the line morally. ok thanks

Anyways! i know this isnt the important issue right now but letting things off your chest is a good thing, right?

anyways love u guys hope ur doin well

[teethfl0wer]

I think proship stuff is complicated, because proship stands for anti harrassment against ships, but like, many people do misuse the word and it has become such a Different meaning for so many different people.

Like the original meaning is ship & let ship, not to harrass others just block or DNI, or don't talk abt the ship w said person, but like now people sort of question the meaning and misuse the word and people call ships "proships" now, which isn't correct bc proship means anti harrassment/anti censorship regarding ships, a ship cannot just... Be a proship??? Idk. There's complicated ships like stalker x victim, com ship, and dark ships which r like adult x child...

It's very hard to differentiate the meaning of proship when many people use the word different though. I personally believe it means anti harrassment, as that is what a majority of TUMBLR proship community claims it is, but tiktok proship seems to be the polar opposite and even proshippers on tiktok call ships "proships" which doesn't make sense bc if it doesn't stand for problematic ship why r you calling it a proship...???

I personally think identifying w a "anti harrassment' label is more better than saying proship bc a lot of ppl view proship as a buzz word for pedophilia and " I ship bad things!!! "

Which like... Is also complicated bc like even if someone ships questionable or problematic things, if they are marking warnings, putting it in proper tags, and not interacting with folks who don't enjoy those gross or un tasteful topics, it becomes an issue now when antis actively interact when they see someone shipping smth odd or out of the ordinary, bc anti shippers with claim they want proshippers to DNI but then they themselves will send hate to proshippers for shipping within their own little community..???

Idk I think both sides has its faults and is bad at times. I've seen a lot of anti shippers that are not knowing of the true meaning of proship, and I have seen proshippers posting screenshots of people telling them to harm themselves on anon or sending graphic threats to their straw page messages... And it's like

Both sides are awful I think we should at this point let people live and do what they want, if you ship a weird or controversial or harmful ship, stay in your own space, or don't interact w those who do not want to ship or see it...

But also, what if a proshipper is friends w an anti shipper for YEARS, and ships these things in privacy??? Idk I personally think it's unreasonable to assume someone to not be friends w someon3 for smth they do in private as well, like. If someone has a problematic ship them ship on an ALT account, and aren't showing it or forcing u to see or know of it for your own comfort and safety I think that is better than telling their friend what their into. Why does ur friend need to even know what ur into..??? Idk. Like expecting them to not be friends is stupid too???

Blah blah yada yada proship and anti shippers discourse is stupid I think, just live??? Keep your weird ships to their spaces and for God don't tell ppl to off them selves bc they drew two sisters kissing imo??? That is arguably worse than shipping it bc ur literally harrassing someone and sending death threats which is ILLEGAL lol

I like this ask but yeah I think both sides suck at times and fail to understand stuff sometimes I think it's better to not label yourself only because of drama

And I meant for the friends thing is like if you know the person is incredibly uncomfortable with proshipper stuff then idk I think if the person uncomfortable finds out about they can talk about it and decide if they're friends or not. Depends on how big of a boundarie that is for the person. Still don't know why a proshipper would want to be friends with antis imo

Anyways thanks for the ask/gen

[lycanr0t]

"[x] sexuality/gender is just cis/het people who want to feel special"

gender and sexuality is complicated and nuanced actually and just because you don't get it since it doesn't fit into your small idea of gender and sexuality doesn't mean it's bad or wrong, it just means you're a bigot.

if someone says they're a certain gender or sexuality then maybe, it's because they are that gender or sexuality. maybe you should fucking believe them. because it's not your damn job or damn business to tell them otherwise. queer identities are not and never have been simple or easy to put into clean boxes.

there will always be identities that people call 'cis/het people trying to be special' because they're reducing those identities to the most bad faith, twisted version of it that it can be while actively ignoring the actual lived experiences of the ppl who identify with it. I'm sooo fucking tired of it. so tired.

if your identity has ever been invalidated like this just know that i see you. i feel you. i stand by you. your identities are not bad or less queer than more accepted/known ones. you belong in queer spaces just like every other queer identity and no one but yourself gets to decide what words are acceptable to describe your own personal experiences.

[artificialcaretaker]

Holy-Holy FUXK?!?!?!

Just found out about this gaybian thing nd like.

I’m very comfortable in my identity as bisexual. It’s what I feel the most connected to and it makes me personally feel all warm and fuzzy when I think of myself as such.

BUT.

As a genderfluid person who in the past has identified under both the gay and lesbian identity and also is sometimes mentally just like “Wow I am so gay/lesbian” but not necessarily wanting to identify as them but the fact that I used to brings me comfort and to be completely honest I’m gonna stop rambling because my whole identity deal is actually really confusing and it’s a whole can of worms that I’m not even ready to open even though I love worms-

I’m glad that people like me who don’t feel they fit under the label that I am most comforted by have something that they are comfortable with.

[I don’t dabble in exclus/inclus stuff because my stance on most discourse things is that at the end of the day it’s to each of their own and if it’s really about keeping people safe you really wouldn’t need a label for it and thus it’s kinda stupid and I don’t call myself either sides, so imma turn off comments for this just to avoid discourse. If these kinds of identities don’t work for you that’s completely fine!! They’re not for you!! If they make you feel bad then you have complete control of yourself to avoid them!! There’s no reason to actively participate in something that is making you feel bad!!

[thicc-booty-gang]

I just wanna say something about "controversial" identities for a moment.

The existence of people who identify as bi lesbian, nonbinary (and specifically genderfluid btw), and pansexual in no way disregards any other identity.

Yes, pansexual overlaps with bisexuality. In fact it overlaps near completely, but that's the thing. It just overlaps near, not actually completely. We all have different views of the definitions of what we use to identify ourselves. I, as a bisexual person, do not care about gender. I know that goes for a lot of you, and that's why you don't believe in pansexuality but, so what? Why does the overlap have to bother us so much when we can just exist with different labels with similar meanings? If it works for them, why can't we just accept that? It isn't harmful or damaging. It doesn't erase bisexuality. It's just using a term that makes them feel more comfortable, that shows who they are in a different way. Gets the point they want to get across, across.

The major argument about nonbinary people existing tends to be that there isn't scientific evidence about them. But, besides the point that we pack scientific evidence on lots of things, and things we do have it for now, used to exist when we thought it didn't. That's not a compelling argument. I get that, but when someone isn't a man or a woman, what other identity do you expect them to find? When someone has dysphoria that isn't just fluctuating, but actively changes who are you to say that can't exist? Genderfluidity happens because someones gender changes. If you believe in Dysphoria why is it so hard to atleast attempt to understand what they're going through? It isn't just the fluctuating dysphoria us binary trans people experience, it's dysphoria about being a girl some days, and dysphoria about being a man other days. Hell, this goes for other nonbinary too!!! Having Dysphoria caused by masculine features, and feminine ones is still valid, you not understanding what it feels like doesn't change that.

Bi lesbians exist, and I can't stress this enough, and I'm so tired of the discourse. Their histories are intricately intertwined. Wanting to reconnect the two isn't bad, in many ways it's a good thing. Saying your a big lesbian doesn't mean your calling the two identities the same, it's using a microlabel to describe yourself more precisely. Maybe your biromantic homosexual, or homoromantic bisexual, or perhaps they just can't ever imagine actually engaging in something with a man. That's all valid. It doesn't bypass any of the rest of their identity. They can identify however they want, because it doesn't cancel out the identities existing on their own.

And yes, this post is mess, and doesn't get my point across as well as I probably could, or should, or whatever. But that's because I'm pretty upset about how basically everyone I know has to go through their entire life being told they aren't real just because a couple people don't think they exist. It's stupid-

-mod fish

[aromoji]

FAQ

(Pwease no rebloggy, this is subject to change)

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here. For some reason both black Africans and black Americans seem to have a problem with that. I will not elaborate on this.

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked 

I’ve already answered this

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

This person explains it better than I can. Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriative at all. Also shut up, racist.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-lgbt- cishet, or people who aren’t lgbt

non trans - cis

etc

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. Die mad about it.

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]!

I usually double check myself, just to be sure. If the person’s url is uncensored I’m not going to post the ask

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Are you an anti?

Yes. Here’s why

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you an inclusionist/exclusionist?

Yes and no. I do think aces + aros are lgbt but they still should have spaces outside of the lgbt community because they have issues that both overlap with the lgbt community but are also different as well. Idk wtf is going on with the inclus community, but exclus are nonetheless insufferable, I’ve never met a single ‘respectful’ exclusionist who doesn’t thinks unironically calling themselves an aphobe is a personality trait or doesn’t reblog from people who feel that way. As someone who’s definetly not cishet in any sense of the word, I don’t believe the acecourse is about the “cishet aces and aros” like they claim.

Also as an addendum: I don’t like being called queer nor do I agree with calling people who do not reclaim the term as such, but that doesn’t mean people who are comfortable with the label shouldnt be allowed to reclaim it for themselves and take pride in it. Unironically calling yourself a queerphobe is cringe bro, and calling people “kweers” is disrespectful to asian queer people who use it as a personal identity

I’m also pro-pansexuality, no I don’t think pan people oppress or harm me as a bi (and trans) person. Yes, they should check their transphobia, but that is the case for people of any orientation.

Please don’t send asks about this. I am not a discourse blog, and I’m trying to stay as far away from any lgbt related discourse as possible, but I want to makae my stances clear for anyone that wants to follow me and must know before doing so. 

Do you need dysphoria to be trans?

No. Next question. 

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you pro/anti mogai?

I dont personally engage with the mogai community (and I’m pretty sure a lot of the identies people make fun of are literal trolls. Come on, no one’s actually calling themselves audiosexual...right?) but people who use mogai as an insult or run flop accounts  are cringe.

Please don’t send asks about this

Why do you continue to use the ace flag even though known homophobe David Jay made it?

He didn’t. It was created by a user named standup on the AVEN website, who has no connection to David Jay himself. A lot of aces don’t even know who the fuck this person is anyways.

Edit: I no longer identify as ace but this still stands.

Please don’t send asks about this.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?

Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I dont usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or instagram.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave.I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE.

Hey, I can’t see your blog or reblog your posts!

You were blocked. And now you’re block evading. I don’t remeber why I specifically blocked a user, but it’s most likely because you’re on my dni.

But I’m not on your dni?

You probably said or did something annoying then. Lol.  Or you’ve added a stupid comment to someone else’s posts and I don’t want that nonsense on mine, so I blocked preemptively.

There’s the occasionaly chance while I was blocking people on a spree in the notes of a bad post you may have gotten caught in the fray, and if so, I apologize.

However, there’s also a chance you also blocked me on @mojiis and yet continued to interact here. So I blocked back.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come up on this blog a lot.  I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I’ve decided in order to be fair I’m tagging any possible lgbt related slur as the letter itself. Hopefully those who dont want to see it will have it black listed and I wont offend the people who reclaim it. I don’t tag the n word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals. 

Do you want to be mutuals?

 I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 17. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but don’t post about things I’m interested in.

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but dont take my word for it. I’m also tme, ablebodied, not jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny,  (physical?) ableism, antisemeitsm, “sycourse”, etc. 

I might be able to give advice on school related stuff, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

What’s your main blog?

If you know, you know.

Why do you continuously move mains/change urls/update themes?

I’m inconsitent. Plus someone is stalking me.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?

Of course!

[meanwhileinthebroomcloset]

Mhm...  This post was meant to be much shorter, honestly. Not to mention it got super personal, which was not my intention. It actually made me a bit teary-eyed and I’m usually an emotional constipated dumbass. 

Am I ready for the potential backlash this is going to cause? Eh, probably not. Am I going to engage in the discourse this can cause? Ah, you wished. I have more to waste my energy on. I didn’t write this post to argument with anyone, anyway. 

Gonna risk it, still.

-----------------------------------------

Isn’t it kind of ironic that it was witchcraft that made me fully return to Catholicism?

I mean, I kind of never left, hence the ‘’fully’’ in that sentence. But now I really know who I am. Although I don’t think Catholicism is the most accurate label (Christo-pagan, perhaps?) it’s the one I grew up with, and the one that comes more naturally to me.

Studying the beginning of it all, the commentaries of Pagans and Jewish writers at the time are just so fascinating and honestly beautiful.

Then everybody started chasing and killing each order, and it sure wasn’t fascinating anymore.... ‘’Stop being murderous revenge-driven assholes’’ I angrily mutter into my book, while frying my brains for High Middle Ages exams.

And then it split into Catholicism and Arianism (not that Arianism! The no-holy-trinity-on-my-watch one), and that was a totally different can of worms. Then Rome got pissy and the Orthodox Church officially became a thing that existed.

Man, why is religion so messy?

Faith is such a strange thing. So much power, so much potential for good and evil and everything in between. I started losing mine some years ago. 

Contrary to some horror stories you may hear, especially from people who are now no longer Christian, I was raised in a pretty open environment.

‘’Don’t be mean, have faith, give second chances... Here are the commandments. They’re perfectly acceptable, see?’’

‘’Yes, there are different religions, but you should always respect them and the people that believe in them. Remember, Jesus was Jewish. Here’s some historical context... ‘’

‘’What the hell kid, nobody here is going to hell. Also, you’re five, there are no children in hell. No, the cops also won’t... Lord give me patience... Are you sorry? Did you apologize? Are you going to try to not repeat it? Great! Then it’s all fine and dandy!’’

‘‘Man, we are definitely all going to hell... At least since we’re all gonna be there, we could form a basketball team. The devil can be the referee. He will be an awful one, but hey, we’re in hell’‘

‘’I know the bible says the earth was created in seven days, but when that story was written, people didn’t know dinosaurs were a thing. Science is cool, and we are not in the middle ages. ‘’

‘’Blind faith is dangerous, kid.’’

‘’Thinking thoughts and acting upon them are two very different things.’’

‘’Yes, the second mom in that Solomon story was willing to see another kid die for the sake of an argument... sometimes people are that bad.’’

‘’God is perfect. People aren’t. That’s the world we live in and it’s okay.’’

‘’There are people who do terrible things in name of religion or say they’re doing it because the bible says so. Don’t believe them. There’s no excuse for murder and abuse.’’

‘’Yeah, Portugal is very enthusiastic when it comes to Catholicism... ’’

Pretty good summary of religion in my childhood.

Still, I found my faith waning. I didn’t really know why and I’m still a bit iffy talking about that.

‘’What did witchcraft do, then?’’

 Well for once, it reinforced my ideas on how faith worked, and how strangely powerful it can be. Being skeptical is healthy but completely closing yourself off because something isn’t completely clear is too radical and you're just doing the equivalent of closing your eyes to the less brighter lights.

My god, I can hear the hardcore atheists coming...

Can I remind you there are more things in life that will not provide the proof you want, but that won’t mean they aren’t there? Relationships. Relationships are too complicated to have straight answers, a lot of the times. People hide their feelings, they fake them, express them and react to them differently. There are so many things we don’t understand or know about yet, like space and organisms that live on this Earth.

Sometimes what you need is a different approach to see they exist! It’s one of the things I learned with witchcraft.

There was also the religion itself. As I worked on my magic, I started seeing magic around me again. Not just with gods I had never considered and the one I was leaving behind, but with the faith I had always known.

The affection when someone says ‘’Our Lady’’ when talking about the Virgin Mary, my family calling upon Saint Barbara when thunder comes, children screeching excitedly because the Compasso has arrived to give us the news that Jesus has come to life again in Easter, the marble cemeteries, the comforting prayers, the masses I couldn’t ear because the local church’s echo is terrible, those boring long-ass weddings (oh my god, how many blessings do two people need?!), the loving dedication I see in every saint carved, my church's priest’s good humor... I never owned a rosary, but I always like the ones my aunts and grandparents keep.

I found Christian and Catholic witches on this site and I finally got to my conclusion. It’s really there. I just needed a different approach to it!

These things made me believe again, but also in new things.

‘‘But you can’t do that! You can’t combine magic and christianity’‘ 

Oh, watch me. And also watch the centuries of cunning women and witches in European history and those still alive today. The women that make ‘’mezinhas’’ and other types of favors in Portugal sure as hell are doing witchcraft, but you can bet your ass they don’t think they’re any less Catholic than anyone else. They don’t care about your opinions and I will hopefully do the same.

Relationships with deities are personal, and my relationship with God, Jesus and all of them is no different in that regard. I am a witch, I am human, I am catholic. I’m a follower, not a fucking mindless sheep.

You know what? I always compared God to Aslan. The lion wasn’t always there for Narnia, he wanted his people to solve their problems on their own. Get their independence, as a good parent does. They both don’t come up all mighty, that’s a posture reserved for evil and people who need a good slap in the face. They come to your level. God may come through one of the less eldritch abomination looking angels, though...

‘‘Well, if you have god, you shouldn’t need anything more. He's everthing. Why are you also a witch?’‘

Excuse me, do I look like a goddamned saint to you?! What part of human did you not understand?

And before you bitterly start quoting the Old Testament, let me remind you that it’s Old for a reason. Christ came to this earth to give us new rules since he technically saved us and things became different. That’s why Jewish people follow the Old Testament, for them, the messiah hasn’t arrived yet. Not to mention that to them that testament is not Old, it’s just the Torah.

You can keep quoting the bible to me all you want. But in my short twenty years of life, I was thankfully able to learn a few things. One of them is that the world isn’t black and white. Yes, I know this sounds obvious but there are some really dumb people out there. Also, this is the hellscape that we call tumblr.

Anyway, as I have mentioned several times before, I’m a never-ending knowledge seeker I found the world beneath my feet is not pure myth and I want to explore it. Look at me go.

I keep a critical mind with everything. Faith and religion are not an exception. I’m not overly skeptic about faith itself, but I am of its writings, interpretations, translations and etc... I study history, it’s a skill you naturally develop.

And there’s quite a few plot-holes, characterization differences and much more. It was written by humans that couldn’t do a cohesive collaboration even if their lives depended on it. Godphones sometimes don’t get a good reception. There’s a ton of cultural context to unpack. I hear people saying all the time that taking the bible’s words literally is one of the most stupid things you can do.

And when I say people, I mean priests, clergy, theology students, etc... I didn’t hear this from my drug dealer in the street corner..

...... I don’t have a drug dealer.....

Anyway...

There are many problems with the catholic church. There are many problems with a ton of catholic and christians out there. I will never deny that. Shit needs to get fixed and maybe even chucked into the trash.

But I still believe in God, I still believe in the saints but I also still believe there are more gods and spirits out there. And those things are separate.

I have no interest in converting you. I’m just yelling into the void.

If you are one of those that no longer is a christian, or catholic because some dipshits banged self-hate onto your head, I’m really sorry. I hope you heal well and get the help you need in your new faith or lack of it. Banging the ten commandments back onto their heads repetiedly and tell them to actually read the damn book is optional, though.

In the end, if you are (or are trying) to be good, you deserve respect and freedom to worship whoever or whatever you want. You don’t need to be perfect, you can just strive to be the best you can be in your situation.

--------------------------------------------

And now back to our schedueled programing.

[larriefails]

I was scrolling thru ur blog & I just read that post u made about Harry being more 'palatable' to Larries but that they don't really love the real him, could u elaborate on that a little more? Ur one of the only antis that's willing to accept Harry's sexuality instead of pushing it aside & only focusing on him & women & I think it's impt to bring that to the discussion as well. Ls really pushed Harry to be open about smth he probably wasn't ready for so early, that & the biphobia, whew chile

I’d written so much and tumblr just ate it up ugggh

Okay, here we go again. There’s so much to unpack

First of all, I want to clarify, because this has happened before, that I’m not comfortable with you implying I’m the “Not Like Other Girls” of antis. Don’t compare me. I like those blogs, so..

Second of all and in the same vein, I don’t think I’ve seen any antis that are not willing to accept Harry’s sexuality. None of them are out there calling him straight, if that’s what you’re implying (at least none that I’ve seen)

Third of all, I think you don’t realize how hard it is to maintain a line with a blog like this one, where people come discourse about Larries (especially when you yourself are bisexual). I was ecstatic when Harry expressed those parts of his sexuality because I’ve been a fan of his since my early teens and it’s just really cool to see yourself somewhat represented in someone you’ve loved so dearly for so long. But I understand that I have a responsibility to not project my own feelings and desires onto him, and especially not doing it in a public forum where it has the potential of snowballing

Also, Larries abstractly accept Harry’s attraction towards men (I say abstractly because they turn vicious at the idea of him with any man that isn’t Louis, and any potential boyfriend Harry could get in the future would definitely get attacked). So there isn’t really much of a point in mentioning it in most of the posts I make. I’ve shoehorned it in in several that didn’t really call for it and realized after posting, and that’s most likely because of my own projection. If that’s what you feel makes me “Not Like Other Antis” then that’s not really a positive trait of mine, so I wouldn’t really praise it

It’s much comfortable and easy territory to talk about Harry’s attraction to women because it’s been piling on for years. No matter how many times Larries try to claim all of it is a stunt, reality says differently. Harry has talked about girlfriends in interviews and on stage, he has expressed attraction towards women, often bringing it up himself, has written songs about women. And the point is that Larries refuse to accept it, attack all the women linked to him, attack his team for “forcing him” to talk about it, even go on to say that he didn’t really write a majority of his album, so it becomes important to say that’s not the case in blogs like ours

When it comes to attraction to men, it’s only recently that Harry’s been more concrete (if you can call it that) about the subject, and there really isn’t much of a solid ground for us to feel like we can discuss it as openly as we do with his attraction towards women. Not without verging on projecting (and sometimes tinhatting) territory. I’m not here to discount Harry’s expressions of his sexuality, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I have to be a little more vague about it, because Harry has been a little more vague about it. I just want to follow his lead because ultimately, it’s really none of my business. Sure, he made jokes before, and as non-straight person myself they pinged to me. I’m not gonna pretend they didn’t. But at the time, I really didn’t feel comfortable doing more than acknowledging he’d made them because it just wasn’t enough to go on. Straight men joke about that too, sadly (and I say sadly because I don’t like it when straight people joke about not being straight). And it could’ve also been jokes that weren’t even meant to be taken that way. Obviously now in hindsight they ping even more loudly to me, but I still don’t think they’re “proof” of anything, just something that gets me “okay... so this happened.” They could totally be the typical “testing the waters jokes” that most non-straight people do when they meet new people, they could even be the dumb jokes you just can’t help yourself making that could out you if you hit the wrong tone but narrowly avoid it because you’re being funny. But they could also just be jokes with no ulterior meaning

The bottom line is that, personally, when Harry said he didn’t label his sexuality, he knew how many of his fans thought he wasn’t straight. He knew of all the rumors. And when he wrote Medicine and chose to sing it on tour after saying he didn’t label his sexuality and all those years old rumors, he knew what he was doing. I don’t think for a second he’s stupid enough not to realize what those two things would cause, and I don’t think for a second he’s malicious enough to queerbait. So to me, it’s another thing about himself, he has green eyes and dimples, trips over his own feet, has annoyingly good reflexes, likes tattoos, is attracted to men in some capacity, is attracted to women, likes rock music, and has a half silly/half dry sense of humor. I don’t feel comfortable making more definite statements than that or putting a label on him when he’s explicitly rejected them before, and I definitely don’t have headcanons about him with men

If in the future he decides to share more, then I’ll gladly accept it and discuss it, but I will go as far as he wants to go and nothing more than that. I don’t think that’s “pushing it aside” I think it’s just being respectful

With your last two points I DO agree but I don’t think other antis shy away from that, and I actually don’t think I’ve talked about either of those things, at least not as main subjects of anything

The biphobia among Larries is rampant and disgusting. Anything that isn’t 100% gay is labeled as “het”. Larries have called him saying “I mess around with THEM” instead of “HIM” in Medicine “het” which is ABSURD because “them” includes “the BOYS and the GIRLS.” But to Larries he’s a gold star gay and “them”, by including women, would “legitimize his past relationships” and that’s “het”. That and Harry making statements on his sexuality when Louis is “still forced in an iron closet” made their heads explode. This is why I feel it’s important to highlight that Harry isn’t in the closet. He hasn’t come out, but I actually have a feeling that he would never do that. I think he’s just living his life and expressing himself for who he is and it just so happens to include that part of himself, like it happens to include his quirky sense of fashion or other aspects of his personality. He’s not actively trying to hide it, his girlfriends aren’t beards, his song lyrics aren’t stunts or coded metaphors for the burden of his fame. He just doesn’t fit the definition of a closet. It’s just that society tells you that there’s an actual drawn line between those two states, when for a lot of people that’s not the case. And I think Harry is also very idealistic and would love for that to be everyone’s reality. Like when he said he doesn’t feel equality should be political. No, my child, it shouldn’t but it is. And no, people shouldn’t have to come out and make statements on their sexuality, but society is still very into boxing people anyway. Sorry, I lost my train of thought

Anyway, Larries can’t just have Harry and Louis in this idyllic romantic relationship that never broke up in nine years. They also have to have them both being 100% gay and allergic to women. I think it’s part of their insecurity in their own conspiracy, but also, a lot of internalized misogyny and a fuckton of biphobia. If they acknowledged Harry’s attraction towards women, then he’d be a flight risk because the bi stereotype is cheating (not calling Harry bi, btw, it’s a stereotype applied to everyone that’s attracted to more than one gender, but it’s simplified as a bi stereotype). It’s easier for them to rationalize that all of Harry’s expressions of attraction towards women (and there’s been A TON) are just jokes or stunts or things he was forced to say and do. It soothes them and makes them believe in their ship with more ease

And the last point of how they pushed Harry to be open about something he wasn’t ready for so early. I mean, I don’t think Harry started being open about it before he was ready and I don’t think he lets himself be pushed by fan entitlement. He might be a “fluffy cupcake” but he’s very assertive when he needs to be. He draws a line and doesn’t let you cross it. So I think he expressed himself how he wanted and when he wanted. But Larries did TRY to push him. They made assumptions very early on, used a ton of stereotypes, analyzed things he probably didn’t even realize he was doing, and were all around disgusting. We don’t know how Harry’s journey with his own sexuality has been. I know people that didn’t even think they could be anything other than straight until they were well into their 20s. I know others that knew it as children. Once again, I don’t feel comfortable having headcanons or analyzing how Harry’s specific case was/is because it’s none of my business, but yeah, it’s totally possible that a lot of the shit Larries have said and analyzed has caused him harm. Having someone speculate on that sort of thing when you’re not fully conscious of it yet can fuck you up. Having people making definite statements about such private matters when you’re not ready to make them yourself can definitely fuck you up. Larries think all this speculating is them being fantastic allies and showing support, um, no? The opposite?

Do you know how you show support? By supporting the LGBT community and openly LGBT artists. By donating time and money to LGBT charities. By being welcoming and loving towards LGBT individuals. It’s definitely not by speculating on the sexuality of an artist you think might not be straight when they haven’t said anything themselves. That’s the shittiest thing you can do

[void-official]

“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either  I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’.  Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

[crackmadhi]

Neither Fish nor Fowl

Saturday, 24 November 2029

Nahyuta calmly sat on the couch in Simon’s living room and read one of his manga. It was about a military division called ‘Pumpkin Scissors’ and was a rather old story with an odd style. Still it entertained the man and he had a good time reading it.

The front door suddenly got unlocked and Simon came in. He had come back from the grocery store and went straight into the kitchen to put away the food he had bought. Then he sat down next to his partner, leaned at his side, closed his eyes while Nahyuta continued reading and they relaxed like this quietly for some minutes.

Then Nahyuta felt Simon moving away and looked up from his book. A strange vibe came of his boyfriend and slowly he put down the manga and waited for the man to start speaking about what was going on.

“I’ve got a question for you”, Simon began seriously.

Sceptically Nahyuta frowned at his partner. He kept his mouth shut waiting for him to go on talking.

“You might have realized that in the two last weeks started sometimes referring to you with they/them pronouns from time to time.”

He paused for a second awaiting a reaction that never came.

“You reacted pretty well on that. I had the impression that you even liked it. And if that observation was correct, I’d like to know if you would like me to exclusively use they/them pronouns for you. Also, I could start using gender neutral terms for you, if you would like that better than masculine ones.”

Nahyuta said nothing. His expression was motionless and his look still. He was frozen in this moment.

Then out of nowhere Nahyuta’s mimic grew solemnly dark. He exhaled a wavering breath and looked right up in Simon’s eyes. He was prepared to fight.

“Simon, we will not talk about this. I know where you are heading with this and I’m not going to fall for it.”

Confused and mildly concerned Simon eyed his friend up. Nahyuta believed that he had a hidden agenda, that he wanted to trick him? Should he not know that he would never do such a thing to him?

“I do not want to trick you into something, but if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to”, Simon tried to calm him down and brought some distance between himself and Nahyuta to show that he was not trying to invade his personal space.

But that did nothing to clam Nahyuta down. On the contrary it led to him being even more defensive.

“So, you’re not? Do you actually understand what you just insinuated? Do you? You just said that I would be unhappy being called he or him. You just assumed I was dysphoric about that. What I am not. I do not have dysphoria and you do not try to convince me from anything else, got that?”

Simon gaped at him. This had not been what he had said, but obviously what Nahyuta had read in his words. Immediately he had talked about dysphoria, a word Simon had never used in Nahyuta’s presence and he had never heard him use it either. It must have been on his mind. Which was not a good thing at all.

Before Simon could try and calm him down Nahyuta continued to rant as he stood up and stiffly walked in circles: “Also there is no need for something like gender neutral terms. You know that I am a man, so you can treat me as such. No need for ridiculous other terms. None at all. Absolutely not.”

“If you say one more time you don’t care about gender-neutral words, I might even believe it”, Simon let slip up.

Shocked he covered his mouth and saw an equally shocked Nahyuta staring back at him. They stared at each other in complete silence, Simon unable to mumble an excuse, Nahyuta frozen in his movements.

Finally, Nahyuta gulped heavily and broke eye contact with the samurai. Weakly he touched his forehead and sighed painfully. It was so easy to look through him, huh?

Frantically, Simon jumped up and walked over to him. Apologizingly, he started saying to Nahyuta: “I’m so sorry. That was not called for or appropriate. I should not have said it and will not let it happen aga-“

“It doesn’t matter.”

Simon flinched back. The monk looked straight up in his eyes. The jade stinging full of anxious regret and shame, shimmering tears welling up in front of it.

“You saw right through me. Again. I don’t know why I ever try hiding something from you. It’s never working, anyway… …”

Unsure what exactly Nahyuta signalized him to do right now, Simon kept his distance even though Nahyuta’s tears had started falling down now. His instinct was to try and comfort him, but to calm him down had not worked out earlier so maybe he had to try out another approach.

“Why did you start talking about dysphoria. I haven’t mentioned it at all.”

Nahyuta cleared up his eyes with his sleeves before he looked back up to Simon.

“You’re the one with psychological knowledge. You should know I talked about it because it was on my mind. And it was on my mind because I read about gender dysphoria several times in the last two weeks.”

“Why would you read about gender dysphoria?”

“Well, because I find it interesting that people feel bad about their sexual organs, chests or own names and pronouns?! Why do you think I read about gender dysphoria?”

Simon did not answer. He did not need to, for Nahyuta did that himself: “I was looking up what non-binary means. And there they also talk about gender dysphoria. They talk about it a lot in fact… And I know that I don’t have dysphoria. That much is sure.”

Simon frowned deeply at that. Slowly he sat back down on the couch and observed his boyfriend, still standing in front of him. Right now, he was wearing one of Simon’s NASA shirts that was evidently too large for him and boxer shorts. Both made him look smaller and let show the tattoos on his arms and legs, he normally hid so carefully. Everything about Nahyuta was so disclosed and vulnerable in this moment and Simon needed to be gentle with his next move.

“Okay. That’s good, isn’t it? Not feeling anxious about your body or your name and pronouns is a good thing”, he said softly and patted on the seat next to him.

Nahyuta huffed dryly, sat down and answered: “Yeah. It’s a good thing.”

“Very good. What else did you read about? Would you tell me that?”

“That there exist a lot of different words for non-binary genders. A lot of them are fluid and may change over time and so on… There are more pronouns for non-binary folks like xe or ze and… …for being non-binary, you need to have dysphoria of some sort.”

“Where did you read that? Wait, no it’s not even important. Look, being trans or non-binary is not defined by one’s dysphoria. I, as a cis male, cannot understand, even less explain, what makes one trans or non-binary. But trans and nb people can’t tell you if you are non-binary or not. They are surly better at helping you figuring it out, telling you some criteria and experiences most trans and nb fall under, but they cannot tell you what you need to have or not have in order to be trans or not. The only person who can actually say if you want to use the term trans or nb or both is you. Nobody but you.”

Helplessly Nahyuta gaped at Simon. How could he just know this stuff? It never even played a role in his life before, so why did he have all these details? Where has he looked for it and where had he found it?

Apparently, Simon recognized the burning frustration in Nahyuta’s eyes and reacted fast with telling him gently: “Yeah, I know a lot about this stuff. But I had a lot of time to think about it, unlike you. I’m in this for over seventeen years now and queer folks usually stick together, so you meet a lot of them during your life. We have discussed with transgender people and non-binary folks a lot. I’ve heard their own opinions and I know how much they can differ. The important thing with all these labels is that in the end of the day you are happy with yours. If not, don’t use them. You are who you are, with or without them. If you want labels, which help you name yourself to the world, please choose them. But if they stress you, let them be. There is no obligation for you to choose them.”

Nahyuta looked at Simon in utter distraught. He felt so lost, so unsure of what to do and so helpless. The whole discourse weighted heavy on his shoulders and he was unable to let go of his fears concerning the whole label and its weight. But at the same time... He felt that it fit so much better than man ever did. And honestly, by now he felt so guilty for it.

“I can’t do all of this. I don’t even want to care about it at all! Why the hell does gender even matter? Why is it important at all? How the fuck is it possible that there are so many debates and studies on something that’s merely a construct we made and now act like it had been given to us by the gods. That gender was something god made. Whose stupid idea was that? Who the fuck thought that this would be a good idea?”

Nahyuta hid his head in his hands, frustration letting his shoulders slump. Gently Simon drew closer and started drawing circles on Nahyuta’s back.

Simon sighed. He hated seeing Nahyuta like this. He hated being powerless. Exhaustedly he pulled Nahyuta towards him and held him for some seconds. Hugging always helped him calm down. The warmth was like medicine to him and he hoped that it would at least help Nahyuta a little.

Sadly, Simon whispered: “I’m so sorry N’yuta. So, so sorry. I wished it would not be this way. I wished people would not care for such stupid things. I would change it for you and all those who suffer because of it, if I could. But I can’t. Forgive me.”

Nahyuta wiggled himself out of the tight embrace and looked up to the man. A soft smile appeared on his lips and he kissed his samurai on his cheek and then caressed the other one with his left.

He observed how the usual blush appeared in the others face and the strange clarity, which emerged in his eyes as soon as he felt a bit embarrassed. It always made him look so much younger.

Then Nahyuta nuzzled his head into Simon’s chest. With a lost laugh he mumbled into the fabric: “It’s not your fault. You don’t need to try and change humanity for me. I’ll work with what I’ve got. I always did. It’s just so tiring, you know? When I was a child, I just believed that everything would be clear and logical once I turned twenty. How wrong I was.”

“Yeah. Being an adult will not help you with figuring out who you are. I’m thirty and don’t feel like I’m where I am supposed to be on an emotional level”, Simon answered, while stroking his head.

Nahyuta only nodded lightly. He had begun to cry again. Simon felt the wetness on his shirt but paid it no mind. Crying was a way of letting pain out. To process and grow. It was a good thing that Nahyuta still had the energy to cry. It was good that he could show his emotions.

Suddenly Simon heard the front door click. Klavier must be coming. He had a key to his apartment. Carefully he lifted his head to listen more carefully for the door. Yes, boots were taken off and the chain belt was clattering. It was Klavier.

Protectively Simon put hand on Nahyuta’s ear and asked calmly facing to the corridor: “Klav? You here?”

Hesitantly the blond man entered the room looking worriedly at the two. As he came closer Nahyuta sat up and looked right up at him. Klavier froze instantly. Nahyuta’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair messy and some strains stuck at his face from the tears.

“What’s going on?”, Klavier asked shaken taking fast steps towards them and placing himself on the arm rest of the couch.

“I am not a guy.”

…

Simon’s face was filled with surprise and Klavier had shut down from astonishment. Never had Nahyuta been that clear. Never had they expected him to be this clear. Not after the fear and hesitation he had shown because of a simple dress.

“I… Oh, wow – okay – okay. That’s cool, totally cool”, Klavier started and stemmed his hands on his tights, “This is not weird or anything, it just took me by surprise, but I’ll support you, we’ll support you. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Good, good. Now, uhm… so do you know what you are then? More like a woman? Or … do you not want to use a gender? Am I talking too much? Yes? Would somebody please just interrupt me? I really don’t know how to stop and –“

Simon had stood up shoved him a pillow in his face. It was very effective.

“I like your technique, panda. It’s very stylish”, Nahyuta joked weakly and brushed his hair out of his face.

Simon only nodded and said: “You’re welcome.”

Then he sat down again and waited patiently for Nahyuta to tell if he was able to answer just one of Klavier’s many questions. The monk flattened the wrinkles in his boxer shorts and tried to relax his feet, which had been cramped up.

His mind was clear. His answer was ready. It had been ready for a while now, but only now was the moment to finally announce it.

“I am no man. But no woman either. It would not fit. It never really did, but I also never had the opportunity or time to just think about it, until now that is. First and foremost, I am a human. But honestly, I guess the term non-binary would describe my gender identity just fine. Something that’s not male or female. Not like my father or my mother but … me.”

Both listeners were surprised yet again. The answer they just got was thought through and felt like there was a lot of consideration behind it. It was not the answer they had expected after seeing Nahyuta weeping desperately into Simon’s shoulder.

“This is very specific”, Simon said while having difficulties making eye contact with Nahyuta for once. “You’ve read a lot about the different gender identities in the past days. So, you surly came across different terms. Do you want to elaborate or…?”

Nahyuta nodded. He was prepared. He could give them answers.

“Very early in my research I understood that I was neither genderfluid or genderflux. That was clear from the very beginning to me.”

“Uhm? These mean one’s gender changes … constantly?”, Klavier asked shyly while scratching the back of his head.

“In a sense yes. In my understanding both terms refer to people whose gender identity can change from day to day, but also the intensity of their own gender perception might change. Anyway, that’s not me. I feel always the same about myself. That’s why I ruled these out. Then there are for examples neutrois, agender or bigender. Out of these agender was rather a good fit, since it could stand for somebody who does not care for gender and identifies mainly as a human. But at the same time, it could also stand for someone who has no gender, or a neutral gender and I did not like that. It doesn’t feel right. Non-binary on the other hand is a pretty wide term and just states that I’m not fitting in the classical binary system. And I like that. Somehow. I mean the discourse is pretty bad.”

“You mean those who are saying that transness and nb stuff only strengthen the gender binary and that all trans individuals are hurting themselves with their transitions and treatments? Did you read about that as well?”, Simon asked worriedly.

The regretting huff followed a faltering nod.

“N’yuta… Why would you do this to yourself? These people cannot look into your minds. They cannot see how all those humans feel. Yes, sure, some might regret their transition after some time. Yes, some behaviours and trends in these circles are questionable and definitely unhealthy, but that does not mean that the whole thing is made from the devil. It’s good to look at the problematic side of these communities and to have a critical look on this, but for finding yourself, this is very unhealthy. Please, try not to look into this discourse for the next few weeks. You should have seen enough for the moment. Okay?”

“Okay. But I still feel bad for choosing such a problematic term.”

“Just don’t. You’re not harming anyone with it, no matter what you’ve heard. This is for you and nobody else. So, would you like us to refer to you with they/them pronouns or other one’s?”, Simon asked gently and took the monks hand.

Nahyuta looked at Simon and smiled in his direction. People could say what they wanted but Simon could be one of the cutest human beings he knew. That was why it almost broke his heart when he told him: “I would like they/them pronouns, but I’d ask you not to use them. Not now, at least.”

“Why –“

“If I want to live my gender, to use these pronouns and dress the way I want, I need somebody to support me in Khura’in. And that would be Apollo. If he accepts me and is willing to help me with it, I would ask you to use they and them exclusively for me, but if not… If not you should stay with he and him.”

As both men stared at Nahyuta in confusion, he turned his head towards the wall and explained with a small voice: “I do not want to start missing my pronouns in Khura’in. Currently it does not bother me being called he or him, but if you would start using they/them, which I actually like a lot more, I might start disliking the male ones and that would be a problem.”

Visibly annoyed Simon slumped back on the couch and massaged his nose bridge. Meanwhile Klavier looked at the monk in pity. What was there to say? They had no way of helping Nahyuta with this. After all, Khura’in was where he spent most of his life. It was the place where he worked, lived, reigned. Where his family and friends were. He really could not start feeling anxious about going back there.

“Nun gut... I’ll do what you asked. I wished I could do more. But I’m sure Apollo will support you. And if he won’t I’ll gonna leave him. ‘Cause seriously, you deserve to live as the one you are and if he cannot support that, I fell in love with somebody else”, Klavier stated determined and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Nahyuta shot him a doubtful look. He did not think that Klavier could ever leave Apollo. Still he was touched by the notion and felt grateful for having Klavier on his side.

“Thank you, Klav. I hope Apollo will be on my side... If not – well, I’ve gone through more horrible things. It will be fine, to put it in his words.”

Then Nahyuta turned towards Simon. The man still looked quite tense and it left the impression as if he was rather unhappy.

“And what’s with you? You will accept my wishes?”, Nahyuta asked him to what the man looked up to him. “You look horribly angry just now.”

At once the samurai threw his hands in the air and blurted out: “I AM angry! I despise this! Why on earth, does your well-being have to depend on other people’s whims? Why do you need their approval? You are not hurting anybody, you are anything but dangerous or evil! So why do they have to sabotage your happiness? And I hate it that I can’t change this. I can’t do a fucking thing. Nada. Niente. Rien. I can’t even argue with your logic! This is so frustrating!”

Frustratedly Simon pressed his arms over his chest and stared intently at the wall. Also, his breathing looked rather heavy but before Nahyuta or Klavier could say a thing the big man already stood up and turned away from them. Neither had seen him this upset in a while.

Nahyuta was about to stand up and go over to his boyfriend, as Simon suddenly said: “I’m fine.”

He turned and looked sadly at Nahyuta. “Do not fret about me. You should not waste your time with such trivial things. I won’t call you they or them. As you asked. But I don’t think it will feel right anymore, now that I know you would prefer something else… Please know, if I could, if there was a way, I’d help you. I’d do anything, so you could live the way you feel most comfortable with. So, I could see and love the person you see in yourself.”

Nahyuta looked at him in deep sadness. Again, he realized what a good man Simon Blackquill was.

“Simon, no matter what will happen from now on, I will be fine. I have you and Klavier. And honestly, in the end of the day I can live with you two accepting and loving me the way I am. It’s not that important what the world sees in me, when I know that you see me for the person I am.”

Simon only gave him a look. He knew that Nahyuta believed his own words. But he was not so sure if he really felt that way.

Nevertheless, he went over to Nahyuta and took him into his arms. Quietly he asked him when he was going to talk with Apollo about it.

“This evening”, was the determined answer.

“Really?”, Klavier asked in astonishment.

“Yes. I was going to meet up with him anyway, and now I’m going to address the matter. I’m tired of pushing this away, and just want to get it over. Facing stuff head on is not a too bad method after all.”

Simon only shook his head and went into the kitchen getting them some tea, before Nahyuta was leaving them for the evening. He secretly prayed to the gods that Apollo Justice was smart enough to support his brother. Otherwise, he was not so sure if he would not truly become a twisted samurai…

Link to the Fanfiction on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16675948/chapters/39105451

[newtonmediagroup]

The Echo Chamber - The Art & Science of Self-Growth-Peter Hollins-The Ar...

Intellectual curiosity also helps because it encourages you to simply pursue knowledge and dig below the surface level of information you are bound to find.   View people as sources of complex, fascinating knowledge and seek to discover it for your own benefit.   To lower your guard enough to properly learn, you also need to learn to avoid the echo chamber, which is where your opinions and viewpoints get amplified.   Instead, you need to get into the habit of seeking out opposing and alternative viewpoints to avoid confirmation bias.   The final aspect of humility is to tell yourself that you are never quite at your destination.   This isn’t to lower your self-esteem; rather, it’s to put you into the mode of constant learning and always striving for more, as opposed to being satisfied with adequacy.   We are all unfinished products; at least view yourself that way in order to feel that continual learning and progress is necessary.   The Art of Intentional Thinking: Master Your Mindset. Control and Choose Your Thoughts. Create Mental Habits to Fulfill Your Potential (Second Edition) By Peter Hollins Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/IntThink Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/self-growth-shownotes Peter Hollins is a bestselling author, human psychology researcher, and a dedicated student of the human condition. Visit https://www.PeteHollins.com to pick up your FREE human nature cheat sheet: 7 surprising psychology studies that will change the way you think. For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg #Abominable Snowman #achievement #Confirmation #Einstein #Himalayas #humility #intellectual #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PeterHollins #TheArtofIntentionalThinking #EchoChamber The Echo Chamber

Speaking of challenging what you think you know, there’s a phenomenon that’s snared a good portion of the population roughly since the dawn of the new millennium, especially those with rather strident and unshakeable belief systems.   It’s the echo chamber.   This runs counter to the intellectually curious mindset, in which the most important part of learning is learning from people outside your immediate comfort or knowledge zone.   The echo chamber is a closed-off precept in which humans of all stripes and kinds tend to circulate in packs whose beliefs match their own.   Rather than reach out to hear alternative or opposing viewpoints, they seek to find more “information” that supports their own opinions or standards.   In reality, they only end up hearing echoes of their own viewpoints and opinions.   This kind of mindset is called “confirmation bias.” Confirmation bias leads someone to seek out and legitimize “proof” that confirms the beliefs and theories we already espouse—and to shut out, declaim, and often berate evidence that disproves our beliefs.   You see this quite frequently in current political discourse, which often leads to the acceptance of “fake news” that validates our own views.   If you want to find evidence that smoking is healthy, all you need to do is type “smoking is healthy” into a search engine and you’ll have found your echo chamber.   But it also occurs on more personal levels.   If you’ve decided that a casual acquaintance is a philanderer, you might ignore testimony about their committed relationship and believe that friend of a friend who might have seen them possibly hook up with someone else from a distance.   The confirmation bias mindset can lead to far more than just intellectual rot; we’ve seen it damage relationships and long-time friendships.   Avoiding confirmation bias and seeking to challenge your own beliefs is akin to the humbleness that one needs to learn, which takes a drastically different approach than merely finding only people to agree with.   It’s tough and truly requires being open to the fact that you might need to humble yourself.   One method in doing that is to take a certain belief or inclination that you have and to come up with two different hypotheses that differ from it—so you have three different theories to work with.   Not only do you want your original belief and its theoretical opposite, but you also want a third explanation that might float between the two extremes or occupy a certain gray area that neither extreme necessarily considers.   Seek out opposing perspectives or something that will prove the opposite of your assumptions or views.   Collect as much information as you can, and make sure you’re learning instead of confirming your biases and subconsciously seeking out your own echo chamber.   Then go to town and research your beliefs, finding evidence or explanations that support all three hypotheses.   There’s a good chance you might find yourself slightly updating or revising your original theory—and that’s a win.   It reflects your ability to understand from all sides, and you’ll find out which of your core beliefs are the most important.   As an example, I’m going to try and pick a “controversial” topic that’s so ridiculous it will make nobody upset: let’s say you have a firmly held belief that the Abominable Snowman actually exists and is causing trouble for dwellers in the Himalayas.   That’s your one hypothesis.   Coming up with an opposing hypothesis should be pretty simple.   The Abominable Snowman does not exist, and Himalayans are doing just fine.   A third theory might be trickier, but it could be that the Abominable Snowman didn’t quite exist as we knew him: he was in fact an extremely tall, antisocial, and hairy man that most of the Himalayans didn’t like.   The first thing I’d do is find as neutral of a source as possible to find what we definitely know about the Abominable Snowman.   I no doubt would have plenty of sources confirming my beliefs (websites, sympathetic friends), so I would go to them to find statements that support my own view.   Then—and this is where we all experience discomfort— I would seek out information from sources who diametrically oppose my point of view (other websites, friends who tell the truth, most mountaineering experts) and try to summarize their viewpoints.   I’d then try to find information supporting my third hypotheses.   It’s likely I would find enough information to at least revise my opinion of the Abominable Snowman’s existence or change it altogether.   I would take a note of that.   (Once again, I urge you to come up with an actual belief or controversy that’s not this unbelievable.   Also, I apologize to any hardcore Abominable Snowman believers.) This approach to tackling confirmation bias is supportive of another extraordinarily helpful mindset to cultivate: the humble, inquisitive mindset.   Humility is often confused for weakness of character, whereas qualities like presumptuousness, arrogance, pretension, and closed-mindedness are considered outward signs of inner strength.   This is possibly the biggest fallacy of philosophy in the present world—the truth is the exact opposite.   Humility and curiosity show strength of character and the self-confidence to investigate the world and not be shaken down by new understandings or beliefs.   In contrast, people who exhibit arrogance and narrowness almost always do so out of insecurity—they’re covering up something that makes them very, very vulnerable.   Intellectual curiosity suffers under the delusion of arrogance.   While the humility mindset offers access to deeper understanding and gained knowledge, the opposite mindset courts failure because the need to be “right”—or not even that, but just to be “certain”—is a need of the ego.   The ego cares only about insularity and protection.   It cares not one whit for learning, which in turn has nothing to do with ego (because you know nothing, remember?).   Intellectual curiosity leads to learning, even if it’s not the kind of answer you were expecting to find.   The egotistical approach leads to failure because of the arrogant “need” to be correct.   The point of the humility mindset is to check your pride during the course of learning.   You don’t have to chuck all of it out the door at other times (though it probably wouldn’t hurt), but at least in the act of finding new things, listening to others, and discovering new truths, set your pride aside.   Confronting our own beliefs isn’t easy because we fear the prospect that we’ve lived under false impressions for most of our lives.   Adopting the always-learning mindset relieves a good deal of that fear—and makes eliminating confirmation bias more of an opportunity than a risk.  

You’re Never There: Perpetual Progress vs. Achievement

Finally, here’s some stone-cold truth that will bug some of you but hopefully relieve most of you: you are a work in progress and always will be.   You will experience monumental changes in the way you think, feel, and behave over long periods of time.   Most of these will be improvements and developments on your way to becoming an amazing human being.   But you will, unfortunately, never quite be there—at least in mindset.   It’s not that you won’t accomplish great things or shouldn’t show some pride in your achievements.   It’s just that you can’t stop there.   Albert Einstein published his theory of general relativity—arguably the most significant scientific moment of the 20th century—in 1915.   He could have stopped right there and cemented his legacy forever.   But he continued to refine his theory throughout the next decade and a half, incorporating information about electromagnetism and finally updating his findings with the theory of distant parallelism in 1929.   Only when he felt he was finished did he move on to other theories.   Our actions are highly susceptible to the labels we give ourselves—the short and terse descriptors that we use to identify who we are.   This is especially true with negative identifications: “lazy,” “stupid,” “weak,” “unstable,” “angry,” or “unimportant.” That’s why I suggest a change in your mindset of self- identification: the elimination of the phrase “I am” and the adoption of the phrase “I’m working on it.” When you say “I am,” you’re immediately giving yourself a label that frankly acts more like a stamp: “I am lazy,” “I am stupid,” and so on.   You’ve crystallized that belief and made it part of you.   That makes change so much harder.   If you really are lazy, the “I am” statement has boxed you in that corner and branded itself to you.   But changing that statement to reflect what you want to become, you’ve flipped the momentum.   Instead of saying “I’m lazy,” say “I’m working on being more industrious and productive.” Instead of saying “I’m stupid,” say “I’m working on improving my knowledge and study skills.” Instead of saying “I’m unstable,” say “I’m working on knowing my triggers and how to react more evenly.” Even if you’re completely broke, don’t say “I’m broke”—say “I’m working on managing my finances and finding ways to earn income.” Will some people think that’s just a roundabout way of saying “I’m broke”? Probably.   But that’s their label, not yours.   They’re just being judgmental—or I should say, “They’re working on being more empathetic and accepting of people in challenging circumstances.” This way of thinking also keeps you in line with the humility aspect of the learning mindset if you flip it toward your positive traits.   Instead of saying “I’m smart,” try saying “I’m working on being smart.” Instead of saying “I’m talented,” say “I’m working on developing my talents.” You’re not saying you’re not smart or talented.   You’re saying you’re working on improving yourself— which can and should be an unending process.   In turn, it might increase your enthusiasm for learning and discovering new things rather than stunting your enthusiasm with the idea that you already know it all.   Not only are you removing the disparaging quality from your identity, but you’re also articulating your purpose every time you say you’re working on something.   And you’ll always be working on it—because we never stop learning.  

[vaguelyaperson]

Hello everyone~

In light of recent events and discourse, I - a real life actual pacifist - am going to teach you all about nonviolence. What actually is nonviolence, and not what some of ya’ll think is nonviolence but is really a dangerous misconception. My credentials? I studied nonviolence (my minor was peace studies), and you could say that I was raised in the ideology of nonviolence since I’m Anabaptist. 

(Interesting, unnecessary tidbit, but the Anabaptists were opposed to things like slavery, forced military conscription, unification of church and state, ect., while they practiced things like democracy and freedom of religion waaaay before Jefferson ever wrote that ‘all men are created equal.’ So, you know, *dons hipster glasses*, eeeyyy.)

So, a lot of people think that nonviolence means letting someone beat you up, in the name of... I dunno. Peace? Moderation? Making sure you don’t upset the oppressor? But like I said. This is a dangerous misconception. Sure, there can be a lot said about the dignity of refusing to fight back, but there are a lot of nuances to this, so I’ll start by saying... telling black people that MLK wanted them to lay down and take the beating is incredibly ill-informed, racist, and unhelpful! While on the other hand, going out and joining protests against white supremacy is a perfect example of nonviolence. 

I’ll start with the definition of nonviolence. Crazy enough, but nonviolence is not the same thing as passivity. Please, for all that is good, imprint that in your brain: nonviolence ≠ passivity. A quick Google search will tell you that nonviolence is “the use of peaceful means, not force, to bring about political or social change.” With that said, nonviolence is action. 

Nonviolent action is heavily tied with civil disobedience/resistance. Nonviolent action and civil disobedience is recognizing that there is an unjust institution, and then peacefully refusing to follow said institution. If you want more details, then read Letter from Birmingham Jail, Martin Luther King Jr. It honestly spells out this whole situation way better than I can. 

Now, this might seem a little confusing. What do nonviolent protesters hope to achieve by peacefully demanding change? Can’t the oppressor just ignore them? Well, here’s the thing. The foundation of nonviolence is in the effort to shame the oppressor. That’s right. Shame. Nonviolent action is meant to disrupt complacency. In its purest sense, it’s supposed to cause outrage, tension, complications; it’s supposed to teach a lesson. Boycott an entire market to the point of near ruin so that shop owners have to plead the government for change? Nonviolence. Sit illegally at a lunch counter just to irritate the establishment into removing stupid segregation rules? Nonviolence. Smuggle an entire fucking group of people out of your country so that the Nazis can’t get to them? Nonviolence. (Goddammit, just read up on how the Danish nonviolently got Nazi Germany out of their country because it was a fucking masterpiece that I will never get over.)

Let’s look at this from a Biblical perspective. Matthew 5:38-41. 

“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” 

Yeah. That one. (Ah, yes, I can already hear the groaning.)

But! This verse has, like many Bible verses, been really wrung out and twisted into something it’s not because people forget the cultural context. First off. The face slapping. Notice how Jesus said if someone hits you on your right cheek. Well, there are two options for hitting someone’s right cheek: you either use your left hand, or you backhand them. In Middle Eastern cultures, left hands are dirty. Left hands are for dirty dirty things like wiping your ass. You do not hit someone with your left hand. Furthermore, backhanding someone is a grave insult. Backhanding declares someone as an inferior. So, if someone hit one of Jesus’ followers on the right cheek, they were backhanding them, and thus calling them inferior. However! You know who hit each other on the left cheek? Equals. Conclusion. Turning your cheek does not mean invite more beating. 

Turning your cheek means shaming your oppressor into acknowledging you as an equal. 

Second. Really think about the items of clothing that Jesus mentions in the second example. Shirt and coat. What did people back then not wear? Pants. What things does that leave them? Shirt and coat. What happens if they took off both? Nakey time. That’s right. Jesus was legit encouraging people to, in the middle of court, strip naked in front of their accuser. Why? Because it would embarrass the plaintiff. This action was meant to point out the injustice, the few things the victim owns, and, that’s right, shame the oppressor.

Third. It was law that a Roman soldier could force an Israelite to carry his things for one mile. That’s it! One mile! It was unlawful for a Roman soldier to force anymore and... you see what I’m getting at here? Jesus outright encouraging folks to break the law cause the law is stupid? Yeah. Got some classic Biblical civil disobedience here. 

But wait! Some readers may cry out, just itching to talk about Gandhi encouraging his followers to get beat over the head, or something out of context like that, doesn’t nonviolence include such passive measures? To this is I say:

Sure. When it was done so in the effort to shame the oppressor. The Salt March (where Gandhi led a bunch of people to illegally gather their own salt, and be beat by British officers in the process) was a huge fuck you to Britain. People around the world were outraged to watch it unfold. Who the hell kicks down a defenseless soul??? It put a lot of pressure on Britain. Same thing with the American civil rights movement, with the fire hoses and police dogs.

And by the way, allowing yourself to be kicked around took training and discipline. Civil rights protesters held workshops (tw; link includes photos of physical violence) where people learned how not to react to physical and verbal abuse. People are trained in this type of nonviolence. I’ll say it again for the people in the back. If you need one of those ‘this is done by a professional, please don’t try this at home, kids’ disclaimer, then this is your disclaimer. PEOPLE ARE TRAINED IN THIS TYPE OF NONVIOLENCE. 

Again, please, please, PLEASE DO NOT tell lay citizens that they should take the beating. 

Now, there is much more to be said and learned about nonviolence. It’s a fascinating topic and I highly encourage further reading! However, in conclusion, nonviolence is not passivity. It takes a lot of thought, coordination, and discipline to pull off. When done well, when you make sure to read the instructions on the label, nonviolence can be a pretty effective tool. Does nonviolence always work? No. Did I write this as some evil white moderate pacifist in order to encourage everyone to stop fighting back? No. 

As a pacifist, I will continue to believe in the effectiveness of nonviolence, and crazily enough, I will be against punching Nazis. But if you as an individual prefer to rely on force to change things, then that’s your belief, and I respect that. I can acknowledge that force has brought about change before. I’m just personally uncomfortable with violence for both spiritual and emotional reasons. Truly, this mini essay was written in the hopes of educating a few people about the option that is nonviolence. (Real nonviolence. Not what makes the oppressor comfortable.)

So go out and protest! Keep demanding your rights! Don’t be afraid to disrupt things! Just remember to educate yourself and stay safe. 

[alberto-rosende]

So all people who like all genders are pan. Thank you. I just wanted to know why saying a person who likes all genders and calls themselves bi and a person that is the same and calls themselves pan are the same is panphobic, but it's because they are /both/ pan. I'm sorry i didn't realize it until you answered me last, I was so stupid, I'm so sorry

no listen i think this is a discourse bigger than me and you and it can't be always black and white. people decide how to label themselves choosing what word is more comfortable for them. if people are attracted to all genders and want to identify themselves as bi, that's ok. if people are attracted to all genders and want to identify themselves as pan, that's ok too. it's just nice for pan people to have their own terminology, it's not like we want to use another word because we feel superior or special or wathever and it's ok if you want to educate yourself, there's nothing wrong with it and you should ask how many questions you have and it's ok asking but just do it in a nice way and i'm sorry if i was rude but i always end up with anon people who try to erase my sexuality and make me feel bad.